#kaz brekker would take one look at me and kill me
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Cause it’s you
a/n what the hell is it with Kazzle Dazzle that always makes me write a full ass story inside of a simple little blurb… chokehold.
request: kaz brekker x reader one bed trope on a heist 🙏🙏
warning: blood, injuries, touch aversion, one bed.
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Kaz was tired. Bone deep tired. That kind of tired that made you drag your legs through the pavement. His cane was taking most of his weight tonight, and truthfully, Kaz was ready for the day to end. And end as soon as possible. “So… Who’s going in to buy the rooms?” Jesper let out a painful breath. His ribs had to be black and blue by now. He did cover for most of the team during the job, and the way he was leaning on Wylan clearly showed that the adrenaline was wearing off.
“I would, but if I moved even the slightest, they would see blood all over my dress," Nina’s sugary, venomous voice shouted as she glared at Kaz, clearly still annoyed that her perfect dress, not to mention that Kaz bought the said dress, was ruined because of the job gone slightly wrong. Inej didn’t even move from her shadows. She and Kaz had a falling out while the pack trotted through the damp streets, and neither wanted to let go of their grudges.
“I’ve got it, guys," you said softly, catching everyone’s attention. “We all need a hot bath and a good night's sleep." You rested your hand on Nina’s shoulder as you peeked out of the alley. “Flirt your way through it," Jesper whispered. “Get us extra perks, please." The rest of the team snickered quietly.
You were about to respond when Kaz’s cane blocked your way. “No one is flirting, and you’re not going alone." His voice was way sharper than he usually used when he was talking to you. “I can handle myself, boss," you said, crossing your arms over your chest. “Yeah, but a lady alone in the shithole like this... Would be too suspicious," Kaz breathed, stepping out and looking back at you.
A couple of hours later, you were finally drying your hands after patching everyone up. Girls had jumped into sharing a room and had walked you out while wiggling eyebrows that you greeted with a middle finger. Wylan was, of course, sharing with Jasper, who had been complaining about the single beds ever since he stepped foot into the room, so you had helped Wylan push them against one another.
It’s not like you hadn’t shared rooms with Kaz. You two grew up together in the slums. You were the one to pull him out of the water when he finally floated to the shore. He had his ever-going addenda of pushing you away ever since, but you had always stuck around. You had always tried to be his voice of reason. "Shit," you muttered once you flicked the light on. “No, no, no," you breathed out, rushing forward. This had to be a joke. What were the odds of getting three rooms and one of them having a double bed? Maybe you could pull them apart; maybe there were two. You yanked the duvet covers off. Fingers searching for a split in the mattress.
“What did that poor bed do to you?" A voice from behind you startled you, making you lose your footing and go face-first into the covers. “Great now, street grime is all over the sheets," he grumbled. “Well, if you weren’t sneaking behind my back, this wouldn’t have happened," you huffed, climbing off the plush sheets. “It’s my room," Kaz breathed out. Your gaze found him as you narrowed your eyes, “Our room, you mean?”.
He held your gaze. Strong. Unmoving. “I’ll take the chair," he muttered under his breath, stepping deeper into the room and starting to undo his jacket. “Like hell you will, your legs will be killing you tomorrow," you huffed, bending to undo your shoes. “And your shoulder won’t?”, Kaz huffed. “Speaking of which," his movements halted as he turned to face you. “Stand up and undo your shirt," he motioned with his hand. You raised an eyebrow at him. “Kaz Brekker, you’re trying to get me naked?”, you teased. Kaz simply tilted his head to the side, his face emotionless. Before he stepped closer, “You have two choices," he said quietly. “Enlighten me," you muttered under your breath. “You take it off willingly, or I will cut it off your body." You could feel his breath on your skin, making a shiver run down your back. “It’s nothing," you breathed. “Prove it," he dared you.
You held his gaze in silence. You knew that it was probably more than bad. You could barely lift your hand, and your shoulder blade was throbbing. It was almost funny how not the fact that you had to strip in front of him made you anxious but the fact that he would see you weak. You hated being vulnerable. When you finally clawed out of the street, you had sworn to never be vulnerable again. And Kaz hated weak investments. He didn’t do deals that weren’t beneficial to him. And now you...
You felt the cold metal tip of his cane slip between the two buttons right in between your breasts. "Hey," you jerked back, turning away from him. “Show me that fucking shoulder, YN," Kaz practically growled. “Or, I’ll...”. But he didn’t get to finish as your hands clumsily moved to undo the handful of buttons until you were practically panting from the panic cursing through your veins. Turning back to him, you yanked the dirty fabric from your body. "Happy," you hissed.
Kaz clenched his jaw. He didn’t even allow himself to blink as he looked at the crusted, angrily red cut and a handful of bruises littering your skin. He forced himself to put them all into his memory. Because this was all his doing. All his games had gotten you hurt. “Wipe those fucking tears off your cheeks," he huffed harshly. Too harshly, and he hated himself for it. But he couldn’t. Physically couldn’t watch you cry. It felt as if someone was carving out his chest. Your shaky hands clumsily wiped the damp patches beneath your eyes.
“You got out. We both did," Kaz muttered because he knew the demons that were clouding your brain now. He had met them too. You nodded. Wrapping your hands around your torso, it only just now hit him that you were standing in front of him topless. Kaz turned around so quickly that he nearly gave himself a whiplash before muttering, “Go, take a bath.”.
Your fingers were crinkling from the time you had spent laying in that hot water. You had hurried off the moment Kaz dismissed you. You knew he would never take advantage of you. And that bodies in general made him uncomfortable, but the way he had turned away from you. As if you were the most ugly creature that he had seen. Now your only salvation was that he might just be asleep by the time you stepped out of the bathroom.
Kaz, however, was far from sleeping. He had lost count of how many times he had walked up to the bathroom door to listen that you were still rustling around. He had lost his jacket and gloves. His hair was messy from all the pulling he has done. The slow turning of the key made him look up. Your hair was done up and still damp. Feet bare. You looked so small, like this. And that deep desire to keep you safe shifted gears without him even realizing it.
“You’re not asleep," you muttered, barely meeting his eyes. “It looks like I’m not," Kaz said quietly. There was no one else whom Kaz trusted the way he trusted you, yet here you two were as if you hadn’t spent the majority of your lives together. “Did you fix your shoulder?” Kaz asked, clearly stalling. You nodded, and he followed suit. “Then get into bed," "Kaz," you huffed. “I didn’t ask," he said, narrowing his eyes at you. You wanted to fight him, but you simply didn’t have enough energy to do so, “And you?”.
You saw something glistening in his eyes for a heartbeat before he swallowed, “I..." and let out a labored breath. “You can also lay down," you muttered. “I will keep to my side; we can put pillows in between." There was a note of hopefulness in your voice. One that held Kaz in a chokehold. “Lay down, woman," he said through gritted teeth. But you caught it. There was that part of him that he hid. So you wasted no time, doing right as he said.
He watched your every move. Watched your frame disappear between the sheets. Only then did Kaz step closer, his breathing hitching in his chest. The tide was rising. threatening to swallow him whole. “Kaz...”, and here it was with that same velvety voice. One that always pulled him right out. Chasing away all of his fears. He blinked a couple of times only to meet your beautiful eyes looking right at him.
“Close your eyes," he breathed, making you frown. “I didn’t know that you getting into bed was such a big secret," you teased. Kaz felt the corners of his lips turning upwards. "Smartass," he whispered under his breath as he swung his legs over the mattress. And for some reason, this didn’t feel too bad. It didn’t seem all that scary now that he was in bed. With you. You. It was because of you. Kaz turned his head to the side, watching you watch him. And for the first time, he let himself look. Not only look, actually see you. And fuck if you weren’t the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
“You’re okay?”, you muttered, your fingers slowly moving toward the center of the bed. Kaz watched them getting closer, but he didn’t feel like stopping you. “When am I not okay when I’m with you?" A light gasp left your lips at his words, your lips disappearing between your teeth. “Don’t do that," he grumbled, his fingers only lifting and grazing yours, and you instantly pulled them away. Not wanting to cross his boundaries. "Sorry," you shook your head. “Not your fingers," Kaz protested. “Your lip," he pointed out, making you frown. “What about it?” You brushed your fingers over it, trying to see if you had bitten too hard and drawn blood. “Because if you’ll continue to do it, I’ll...", Kaz swallowed. “I might lose my restraint in holding back." And then he reached out, his shaky fingers brushing over your plump lips. It took all the self-control you had to not whimper at the touch. Savoring the way his fingers felt, you only let your eyes close for a second, and then there was nothing. As if you had imagined it. You had barely caught Kaz practically jumping out of bed. Reaching for his jacket and cane. "Kaz," you breathed, pushing the covers off your body. But your plea was met with a slam of the door.
#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker x oc#kaz x you#kaz brekker imagine#kaz brekker x reader#kaz x reader#kaz brekker#kaz six of crows imaginw#the six of crows x reader#the six of crows imagine#six of crows x you#six of crows x reader#six of crows imagine#the six of crows
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Kaz Brekker and His Stupid Nicknames
In attempts to show you some love, kaz reverts to the most boyish and juvenile confession he can manage: name calling.
Idiot
Kaz has no idea what he’s doing. This feeling that you give him is bad. It’s weakness. So he tries to kill by convincing himself that you are nothing. He calls you idiot or imbecile right and left, hoping his brain will understand that you’re of no use to him.
But that’s not true because he thinks you’re brilliant.
Most commonly he uses it on heists. You save his sorry hide and because the phrase “thank you” does not exist in his vocabulary he simply says
“Try not to die, idiot! Don’t wanna drag your corpse outta here.”
Kaz thinks he’s slick. Hiding his silly little crush like this. He’s being a jerk and belittling you. No one would glance twice because he was just being classic Dirtyhands.
Wrong
Nina notices first. It reminds her of the young grisha boys who don’t know how to flatter a girl so they simply yank on fistfuls of hair or scream obscenities.
She thinks it’s stupidly adorable; making jabs at Kaz that he deflects easily. But she knows. She sees it clear as day.
Pest
Flea is a bit too mean but pest implies enough how irritable you make him. It implies that you’re swarming his thoughts and plaguing his dreams.
“You’re such a pest!”
You’re not. You’re anything but. From your stupid face that makes his heart skip a beat every time he sees you to the stupid things you say the awaken butterflies in his stomach. So irritating. So dumb.
Inej discovers next. She notices how Kaz can’t keep his eyes off of you. She notices how his lips twitch every time he calls you a name, like he meant to say something else entirely. She finally picks up on Nina’s jokes. They whisper to each other when Nina feels his heart beat faster.
Dummy
He’s got it down bad.
This term is affectionate. Less cruel than idiot. More teasing. Kaz knows that you know that he believes you to be fantastic. Why else would he keep you around? Why keep sending you on jobs? Why keep you right by his side at all times?
“Right here next to me, dummy.”
He doesn’t proclaim it so loudly anymore. He doesn’t need all of Ketterdam to think he’s parading around a so called idiot crow. It’s for you and only you.
Which is why the ever observant Wylan Van Eck finds out next. He watches Kaz mumble under his breath when he calls you dummy. It reminds Wylan of how Jesper flirts.
Wylan smiles to himself when he ponders the moments he glimpses. Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, a secret softie.
“Don’t want the dummy to get hurt now do we?”
It’s like a romance novel playing out right before Wylan’s eyes. And while he doesn’t make jokes, he chuckles whenever Nina says something witty that makes Kaz’s eye twitch.
Darling
The first time Kaz calls you this it’s a complete accident. He was just minding his own business filling out some paperwork and trying to get you out of his head. You come into his office needing to ask him a few questions about the upcoming heist when
BAM!
“What do you need, darlin’?”
You freeze and moments go by as it sinks in. Kaz is horrified. As it dawns on him his ears and cheeks go cherry red. It was so casual. So easy to say.
You blink at each other and you smile.
“Call people that often?” You’re so bright.
Kaz glowers and lowers his gaze, shaking his head.
“Scram.”
He flicks his hand toward the door and picks his pen back up.
“Not until you answer me.”
So bold of you. Kaz takes a deep breath and rocks back in his chair. This is a weakness. He should stamp it out. But one glance your hopeful face and he’s caving.
“Only you. Now scram, darling!”
This would be when Jesper notices. He overhears Kaz say it just once and that’s all it takes. Kaz calling someone darling. So sweet and sentimental there’s no possible way it’s true.
But when Jesper looks around and Nina and Inej and Wylan giggling and teasing, the pieces fall into place.
Oh
Oh it’s so cute
So fueling to Jesper’s teasing.
Jesper likes to push Kaz by flirting with you. He just wants to watch Kaz marinate in his childish anger and fess up about what’s going on. The only person who doesn’t know is Matthias if Nina hasn’t spoiled it.
Angel
Oh how the hearts swoon. Kaz finally weak in both knees. This name is used whenever you’re about to do something dangerous or during reunions.
Kaz can’t clutch you in his arms like he wants to. Can’t kiss you and drown you in affection like he craves. So he puts it all into one little word and hopes you get it.
“Be safe my angel.” Or “Glad you’re alive, angel.”
He used it pretty sparingly. There’s not many moments where you’re apart anymore so it’s a rare word.
It’s almost a little to cheesy and cliche for him but he uses it regardless because he likes to see you beam.
This is when the team recognizes it as a whole. Including Matthias who was clueless up until he witnessed it first hand.
Dirtyhands soft in the heart.
Last but certainly not least
Honey
This is code for Kaz wanting a domestic moment. Quiet time in the Slat while he helps you clean up after dinner or iron out his button-up shirts.
This is most likely when Kaz would show physical affection.
His gloved hands on your hips as he whispers in your ear,
“Honey, I love you.”
He only says it when he knows no one will hear. It is only for your ears. Only for you to know. Because this word is a dream.
It’s symbolic of the life Kaz wants to give you. Security. Safety. He wants an honest life with you. One you can be proud of. He’d really like to marry you and stay with you forever.
He wraps you in his arms, guarded by the sleeves of his shirt.
It’s hope for the chance at touching without the armor.
He spins you around and kisses your lips. Soft and sweet and slow.
Honey honey honey
It’s his favorite. No other name could compare. Not idiot, not pest, not dummy, not angel or even darling.
Something about the promise of a future warms him and suddenly his weakness doesn’t seem so bad any longer.
Honorable mentions: sweetheart, love, doll, sweet pea, investment
#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker#shadow and bone#six of crows#crooked kingdom#kaz x reader#yourfellowfandomfiend
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Favourite/Funniest Line's from Crooked Kingdom
"Let's go." "Me?" "No the idiot behind you."
"How is-" "Nina is fine. Jesper is fine. Everyone is fine except for me because I am stuck with a gang of hand-wringing nursemaids."
"Now why can't people be this easily trained?" Kaz murmured as he crouched to oblige the dog with a belly rub.
"Did you know I am next in line for the Fjerdan throne? They call me Princess Ilse of Engelsberg." "There is no princess of Engelsberg. It's a fishing town."
"Has anyone noticed this whole city is looking for us, mad at us, or wants to kill us?" "So?" "Well, usually it's just half the city."
"Big, blond and blind. The Fjerdan way."
"If I live I'll buy you waffles." "You don't have enough money to buy her waffles."
"Do you know what Van Eck's problem is?" "No honor?" "Rotten parenting skills?" "Receding hairline?"
"Isn't that how things are done around here? We all tell Kaz we are fine and the do something stupid?" "Are we that predictable?" "Yes."
"It seems everyone is forming alliances." "They're called friendships Kaz."
"You are very welcome Nina Zenik. You may repay me in the costumary way." "Waffles?" "Lots of them."
"I need to do this. I've never been to my mother's grave. I am not leaving Kerch without saying goodbye." "Trust me, you care more than she does."
"You are stupid about a lot of things Wylan, but you are not stupid. And if I ever hear you call yourself a moron again, I am going to tell Matthias you tried to kiss Nina. With tongue." "He' ll never believe it." "Then I 'll tell Nina you tried to kiss Matthias. With tongue."
"Come on, let's do steal all my dad's money. "Isn't it your money?" "Okay, let's go steal it back."
"I think you 'd flirt with a date palm if it would pay you any attention." "If I flirted with a plant, you can bet it would stand up and take notice."
"Yes, yes, Nina Zenik is hungry. Now, will someone feed me before I am forced to cook one of you?" "Don't be ridiculous. You don't know how to cook."
"On a dare I ate a literal through full of waffles and nearly went back for seconds."
"Pick up the pace." "If I spill a single drop of this it will burn straight through the floor onto my father's dinner guests." "Take your time."
"I am Dunyasha, the White Blade, trained by the Sages of Ahmrat Jen, the greatest assassin of this age." "Doesn't ring a bell."
"Fate brought me here." "And does fate pay your wages?"
"My parents thought I would drown because I crawled into the sea as a baby, laughing." "Perhaps they were worried you would talk yourself to death."
"Kaz. You may not be glad we are alive, but we are glad you are alive."
"You are better than waffles, Matthias Helvar." "Let's not say things we don't mean, my love."
"Are you mad?" "I'd probably be happier if I was."
"You have to be the craziest bastard I ever met." "I'll take that as a compliment."
"My leg! My leg!" "I recommend a cane."
"What is wrong with him?" "Same thing that's always wrong with him. He's Kaz Brekker."
Jesper followed Wylan down the hall. "Hey." Wylan kept going.
"Jes, I 've thought about this-" "Thought of me? Late at night? What was I wearing?"
Wylan ran his tongue over his lips and spat in his father's face.
He was pale, with tufty orange brows and a hunched posture that gave him the look of a giant shrimp.
He felt bad for the guy. Not bad enough to wake him up and untie him, but still.
"I 've been shot!" He had not been shot.
"How about I push you in the canal and we see if you know how to swim?"
"Tell you what. When the day comes, mark it on your calendars. I can think of a lot of people who 'll want to throw a party.
"Wait. Is my tie straight?"
#six of crows#crooked kingdom#soc#kaz brekker#kaz x inej#kaz rietveld#inej ghafa#wraith#jesper fahey#jesper x wylan#kaz dirtyhands brekker#nina zenik#nina x matthias#matthias helvar#wylan van eck#wylan van sunshine#wylan hendriks#funny
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how about jealous kaz brekker with breeding kink???
Eyes on me, all eyes on you.
Kaz brekker x fem!reader. +18 Drabble
The last sentence is cringy, but my mind went blank at that moment. This is also really short, I’m writing this tired and about to head to sleep.
Warnings: talks of pregnancy, breeding, jealousy, oc kaz, not my best work.
Kaz was always the jealous type, either it be before he was not ready to touch you. And how others could do it without a thought, the way you would hug or touch someone. Then there was who you smiled at, you threw everyone that damn smile and it made him sick to his stomach. And then when he had gotten passed his demons with your help, he faced them head on. Kaz was now not afraid to touch you, fuck you, love you the way he had always wanted. Now he had you in his claws, only for him to cherish.
You where his diamond, his shiny gem in the ruff. Ketterdam didn’t have many good things but you were the most beautiful thing in this damn place. And he should have known when he gifted you that drees you would wear it out, oh he should have burned the damn thing before you had the chance.
How your waist looked, so easy to wrap his arms around. How your breast looked in it, the cut low and the corset made your breast pop. He watched as every man in the place looked at you like meat on a stick, how their eyes wondered and how their minds couldn’t help but picture you naked. And that angered him to the ends of the damn earth, because no one should think of what’s his.
“Don’t take your fucking eyes on me.” He demanded as you tried so hard not to close your eyes. “Did you enjoy all that attention you got tonight. All those eyes on you?” You whimpered out to tell him no.
“No- I don’t.” You managed to say but it was just sobs coming out your mouth as his cock enter your pussy at a fast speed. “Oh, no? The dress you had on tonight said different. Everyman in there wanted to see underneath.” He leaned down to bite your lower lip and pulled on it. “I was going to kill them all, take their eyes for daring to look at you.” He roared the truth.
All you could do was look at him with frowned brows as you moaned. “Next time you decide to show more skin, I’m fucking you in front of them all. To show that only I can get the slut out of you, make your pussy leak for me.” He smirked at your expression, he knew how much you loved it when he called you names.
“I’m sorry. Only yours” you reached up and wrapped your hands on his shoulders. “My body is yours.” He laughed, “I already knew that.” He leaned back up and rammed into you, his hands pushing your legs back to open you up more.
“Maybe if your belly was swollen they wouldn’t look.” Your head went fuzzy at what he was implying. “I’m going to stuff you so full tonight, over, and over again until you can’t take anymore.” He reached one of his hands to touch your stomach and pushed down on the right spot.
“Get you pregnant with my child, my cock will give you what you need. You’d like that wouldn’t you?” He asked like it he was teasing you. He knew you couldn’t say no to that, him claiming you more then he had already. To have his baby inside you.
“Yes, saints, please kaz.” You screamed. “I love you.” Smiling up at him sweetly but it broke often because he never stop thrusting. “I love you too, darling.” He groaned and you looked at the sweat on his skin that made him shiny and look sexy.
“Now let me fuck a baby into you.”
#kaz brekker#kaz brekker x fem!reader#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x reader smut#kaz brekker smut#shadow and bone smut#shadow and bone x reader
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Not an investment - Kaz Brekker x Reader
Summary: You try to forget Kaz with a man from the Crow Club. Kaz isn’t pleased at all. He finds a way to get rid of the guy, but you caught him. Kaz finally touches you for the first time.
Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Jealous Kaz.
A/N: I first wrote a draft of this when the first season of Shadow & Bone launched, i finally finished it, and wanted to share! I am so obsessed with Kaz! I might meet Freddy Carter on May, can’t wait but I am so scared at the same time!
———
You and the Crows had just accomplished another successful mission, earning each of you considerable money. The Crows had decided to throw a party to celebrate. Even Kaz had agreed to come. When Jesper asked him to join them, Kaz nodded, and Jesper cheered loudly, earning Kaz a grin.
Kaz Brekker had spent the last hour sitting with his arm on the bar, sipping a drink, and keeping an eye on the improvised dance floor. When the party began, Nina was already dancing, earning curious glances from both women and men. Jesper joined her after getting a few drinks. He tried to convince Inej to go dancing with him and Nina.
”You don’t want to go with them?“ You asked Inej, frowning.
”I do, but don’t tell them. Let them try to convince me.”
You nodded and asked the bartender for a strong drink. ”Make it two,” Inej said.
You watched her before glancing at the bartender.
”Tough night?” Inej asked.
You nodded again.
Inej didn’t bother to pry much; she knew each of you had your past. She knew how it felt to live with it, to live with the memories still there, haunting at night and even during the day... She knew better than to ask you about it.
The bartender arrived with both of your drinks. You thanked him and looked at Kaz, who was sitting at the other end of the bar, staring at people dancing and drinking in the Crow Club.
A man approached you. You didn’t see him coming; you were too caught up in stealing glances at Dirtyhands. The man took the seat next to you, and with a charming smile, he said:
“I didn’t take the infamous Ghost of Ketterdam for a drinker.”
You turned toward him, with a serious and almost warning look.
After all, you were the Ghost. If someone had a job to do, you were here. Looking for someone who disappeared? Easy. Stealing? As if you were a beginner. Taking revenge? Already done. Killing? Done. The Ghost was a shadow in Ketterdam. The kind of story that makes kids stay up all night. Rumors were you had no law, no faith and no humanity left. Oh, how wrong were they. If only they knew...
“What if I am?” You replied to the man.
”Even better.”
You grinned at him and decided to play the game.
“What about I offer you a drink?” He questioned, glancing at your body.
“I already have one, but go on.”
The man asked for another round of drinks, and the bartender complied.
”I didn’t think the Ghost was a beautiful woman like you.” He started, his eyes looking at his next prey.
Before, you would have punched that man hard in the face, but tonight, you didn’t care. You just wanted to have fun, and maybe it could involve him.
“Oh yeah? “
”Yes. Do you know how much people would pay to have you in their bed?”
You laughed and crossed eyes with Kaz. He was staring at you curiously. You thought it was a coincidence, but Kaz had been watching the whole time.
“I know.”
”Quite modest, I see.”
“I can be and do many things, you know?” You flirted, your head already spinning.
A little flirt was harmless, right? It wasn’t like it would change something. You stole another glance at Kaz, still sipping his drink in deadly silence. You knew there had always been something unspoken between the two of you, which you both probably wanted, but that was just impossible. Something that couldn’t be. So why not have fun with this silly man, you thought?
”I can only imagine.“ The man replied, his right hand stroking yours on the counter and his other hand on your knee.
”Let’s dance first.“
The man took your hand and complied, bringing you to the dance floor. The man danced with you, sometimes brushing your body. You didn’t care. Alcohol gave you confidence and relief. You danced closer to the man. And even closer. You both moved simultaneously, feeling the loud music and the alcohol in your veins. You could already feel the man’s arousal. But you didn’t care. You were trying to forget. Forget him and his stupid blue eyes. His silly cane. His silly waistcoats. Him. You just wanted to forget.
What you didn’t know was that Kaz Brekker couldn’t look away. His eyes were glued to your form and this man. This Dreg. Oh, Kaz hated the man at this moment. His hand tightened around his cane.
The man touched you even more intimately, placing his hand on your thigh. Kaz was watching it all; his hand clenched in a fist. He couldn’t bear it anymore. He knew you had a few drinks and hated the idea of the man taking advantage of you. Or worse... Maybe you let him...
Dirtyhands whispered something to the bartender, and then a servant rushed anxiously towards you.
The servant asked for ‘Jake’ something and then told him that someone was waiting outside for him.
He nodded.
“Sweetheart, I need to take care of something, and then I am coming back for you. We’ll finish what we started.”He said, a smirk forming on his lips.
You consented, not understanding what was happening.
The man walked toward the backdoor leading to the streets. You took a deep breath and went back towards your seat. You finished your drink quickly and began to think.
‘What was I doing? Seriously? This man? I am the Ghost, for Saint’s sake, I deserve better.’
Feeling shameful, you wanted some fresh air to think clearly. Or maybe you just needed to flee. You rushed toward the door of the Crow Club and opened it.
There was ‘Jake’, his face bloody and bruised, held by the arms of two men taller than him.
What was going on?
That’s when you saw Kaz punching Jake in the face. The man spit blood, and Dirtyhands held his head in his gloved hand.
”If you dare touch her again, you are dead.”
Kaz was going to hit Jake with his cane, but your screaming interrupted him.
”What’s going on?“
Kaz nodded, and his men let Jake go. He didn’t think twice. Without looking at you once, the man flew in as he had arrived.
The men stared at Dirtyhands, waiting for his approval to leave. Kaz gestured, and they left.
”What’s going on? I won’t ask it again.“
“This stupid... man touched you.” He declared calmly, removing the blood from his sleeve.
”Yes, and?”
“He didn’t ask.”
”Because I let him. Do you genuinely think he would have touched me if I hadn’t allowed it? You know what I do and who I am.” You murmured.
Kaz’s blue eyes were avoiding your gaze, looking at the street and holding tightly onto his cane. He frowned.
”Why?“He questioned.
“Why? You dare ask why? You know damn well, Brekker.“
”Enlighten me with what I am supposed to know ‘damn well’.
He clenched his teeth, and you approached him dangerously. You plunged your eyes into his, almost begging him not to let you speak.
”I needed a distraction.”
“A distraction?” He questioned, wonder in his eyes.
“But we succeeded in the mission. We won thousands of kruge, Y/N.”
”I know.”
”Is it not enough for you? What do you need more? What do you need more than what thousands of Kruge can offer you?”
You repressed your tears. You were the Ghost after all, you couldn’t cry even if you wanted to.
“Thousands of Kruge can’t buy me you.” You whispered, hoping he wouldn’t hear.
“Me?”
“Your name is Kaz Brekker, no? Or should I say Dirtyhands?“
A small smile escaped his lips, quickly replaced by sadness. He was staring at his gloved hands. What was he supposed to do? Tell you he felt the same, and offer you what exactly? He couldn’t even touch you.
“I was trying to forget you with this man, to forget the times you looked at me like I was an investment, when I came back from a mission hurt badly and you just said ‘good job’.
“What do I have that you might want?” He asked, his voice almost trembling.
Memories of Jordie flooded his mind. The times when they were happy, or at least tried to because they were together.
You didn’t reply, just watched him, the man you love.
“I can’t offer you anything, Y/N.” Kaz declared, approaching you with the most sincere look you’ve ever seen him with.
”I can’t offer you a crown, a throne, or even a palace. I can’t provide you the most precious jewels in the world. I can’t make you my queen, Y/N.”
”How romantic.” You finally spoke, crossing your arms.
”At least I have the decency not to lie to you.” He replied.
”I think I would have preferred you to lie.” You declared, trying to repress your tears again.
”What did you want me to say? That I would make you a Queen even though we live in Ketterdam, and would cover you with the most expensive jewels when we loot every day to survive? You would have wanted me to tell you that I cannot live without you, although touching you is unbearable to me? You would have liked me to tell you that I love you, right Y/N?
Eyes misted with tears, Y/N dared to meet his gaze. When Kaz saw that Y/N’s eyes were shining, he realized the magnitude of his words. He had always thought that by being cruel, he could push people away, keep them away, to avoid doing harm and, above all, be hurt. Things had gone wrong the last time he had loved someone, so how could he really trust his heart anymore?
Jordie.
His name echoed in his head when he looked at Y/N. He wanted to apologize, hug her, and kiss her lips, but he couldn’t.
He tried to take a step towards her to try to comfort her, but when his hand approached her bare arm, he resigned himself to it. He was shaking. Touching someone seemed impossible so how could he ask Y/N to stay? What could he offer her? A life of hidden gazes, impossible caresses, abstinence... Y/N deserved better. She could have had better. Nikolai Lantsov had always wanted her. All she had to do was say yes, and she would become the first Grisha Queen. Kaz had to admit Y/N would make an exquisite Queen. She was fair, and she only hurt when necessary. Y/N deserved a better life than a life in danger in Ketterdam. And if Pekka Rollins learned that Dirtyhands cared about her, he would seek to get rid of her by any means possible.
Y/N gazed at Kaz one last time before turning to the door. She was about to grab the handle when she felt pressure on her arm. Kaz was touching her.
“Don’t leave, Y/N.” You rolled your eyes.
“Is it a command, Boss? You asked, annoyed.
“It’s not.”
You observed Kaz’s face. For someone who didn’t know him, Kaz was emotionless. But at that moment, you knew he was vulnerable. His features were different. He seemed fragile. The bastard of the barrel seemed weak! You laughed in your head.
“Stay, please.” He begged you, the silence in his head unbearable.
You made a small move to get out of his grip. His hand fell against his body. And suddenly, he grabbed your hand. You stared at your hand in his gloved ones. Seeing your reluctance, he pulled his hand away and took off his gloves. Trying to calm his trembling, he reached for your delicate hand. His fingers brushed your skin, knuckles, and wrist, sending shivers down your whole body. Kaz was trying to memorize your hand, the veins in your wrists, your knuckles, to make it familiar, so that he wouldn’t be scared anymore.
“Can I?” He asked you.
You nodded, astonished to see Kaz Brekker asking for permission. He wasn’t one to ask. He always took and took. Never saying please. Never asking for permission. And here he was. All vulnerable in front of you.
He took your hand in his with hesitation and still trembling. Dirtyhands was trying his best to hide his fear in front of you. He was the bastard of the barrel. Everybody feared him, and yet he could not take your bare hand in his. He felt pathetic. He stared at your intertwined fingers for some time.
“What more can I offer you than what you already have?”
Your attention, your time, your love, your skin (maybe not), everything, you wanted to scream but you couldn’t. He was Kaz Krekker after all.
“I can’t make you happy, Y/N. You should go with Nikolai, he’ll know what to do. I can’t even kiss you, Y/N. I can’t, it’s pure torture. I can’t.”
One tear was slowly running across your cheek.
“I don’t want wealth or power. I don’t care about Saints.”
“Then what do you want?”
“Your love.“ You spitted.
Your hands were still intertwined, and that’s when Kaz noticed that while you were talking, he forgot about your hand in his, and for once, it had not disturbed him. It was brief, but he had felt your skin against his, the feeling of coldness and an almost delicate hand. He was staring at your hands with intensity, not knowing where his began and yours finished. The contact with your skin burned him, it was like caressing fire, feeling the unbearable heat against his fingers, against his palm, and yet he didn’t want to remove his hand from your painful skin.
“Kaz, look at me.”
You knew he was fighting his own demons, and it was not easy to hold your hand, and much less for a few minutes.
“Focus on my voice.”
He complied, and you dared take his hand and bring it to your face.
“I am here for you. Since the beginning, I have been here. Since the first day we looked at each other in this street, I knew everything would be different.”
While talking, you held his index finger in your tiny fingers compared to his. It was reaching dangerously for your cheek.
“Do you remember, Brekker, the first day we met?”
Kaz was trying his best to focus on your eyes, lips, on everything other than his fear to feel. It was finally this fear of hurting that made every touch burn. And you knew, you understood.
“I was pulling a dagger from my bleeding shoulder, sitting alone on the street, when you came. And do you remember what you said to me?”
You finally put his index finger delicately on your cheek. Step by step. You knew it would take time. Months and years, probably. But you were never a quitter after all.
Kaz chuckled, remembering this particular day when he thought that the Ghost everybody was scared of was just a little girl. Today, he knew he was wrong.
“You first said to me “Work for me, Ghost, and you’ll never have to pull out any dagger of your shoulders.”
Dirtyhands grinned, and with his index finger on your cheek, he explored your skin, still burning him. You removed your hand and laughed.
“You know, the day I met you, I knew you wanted me to work for you because I was taking all your contracts.”
He laughed again, and a second finger was caressing your cheek.
“I couldn’t let you take all the money.” Kaz replied, with this smirk you loved.”And you said ‘yes’ if I recall.”
“That I did. Though I did pull out many other daggers from my shoulder.” You spoke softly.
Another laugh, and he put a third finger on your face, stroking and trying to control his trembling. Still, he never dared remove his gaze from you.
“I know. I was planning a meeting with you for weeks, trying to find something to make you work for me. But you had no weakness, no secret that I knew of. I didn’t know what you were looking for.”
The tips of his three fingers were still on your skin, learning every wrinkle you would have, every scar, everything, even if it burned.
“That’s what made me so good, back then I had nothing to look for and nothing to lose.”
“And now?”
“Now, I have a goal, something to fight for, that’s what makes me fearsome.” You muttered and smiled at your words because you meant them.
Kaz smirked. He knew there were two kinds of people to fear: those who had nothing left to lose, and the ones who had everything to lose.
With sudden confidence, Kaz reached with one finger for your lips, trying to touch, and caress them. His trembling finger found your lip, he felt it, his deep blue eyes on yours. You were watching him with pride.
Maybe too greedy, Kaz wanted to feel your face with his hand, he tried to place all his fingers against your skin, but the burning was too powerful. Suddenly, he removed his hand, shivering.
“I-I am sorry.”He said, his armor falling back in place.
He saw Jordie’s face again. And he felt the skin of other corpses on his. It was warm. Too warm. It was burning him up. He was screaming, and nobody came.
“Kaz. Kaz! Look at me.”
He heard your voice calling in this ocean of corpses.
You didn’t touch him, but called his name.
“Kaz. You are with me. You are not there. Not anymore. Breathe. You are safe.”
He finally saw your eyes and where he was. In the middle of the street with you. He got up, dusted off his coat, and stared at you.
“Sorry, Y/N.”
He put back on his gloves and resumed leaning on his cane.
He was not only Kaz Brekker at this moment, but also Dirtyhands, and the bastard of the barrel. You smiled and glanced at his form as it left the room.
“The answer is this.”
The Bastard of the barrel turned to you and looked at your face, eyes full of silent interrogation.
“This is what I want, Kaz Brekker, and this is what you can offer me.”
You swore you could see a smirk escaping his lips. And this was the moment you knew you were not just an investment for Kaz Brekker.
———
If you loved this story, don’t forget to like, reblog and comment! I’d love to write more Kaz x reader with the OC “The Ghost” if there is enough interest, I’ll write more for Kaz!
#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x fem!reader#kaz brekker x y/n#kaz brekker x oc#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker#kaz brekker art#kaz brekker fanart#six of crows#six of crows fanart#six of crows fanfic#kaz x reader#inej ghafa#jesper fahey#nina zenik#shadow and bone#kaz dirtyhands brekker#dirtyhands#ketterdam#the barrel#kaz x inej#six crows#a feast for crows#crooked kingdom#leigh bargudo#leigh bardugo#kaz brekker x inej ghafa#kaz x you#kaz fucking brekker#touch aversion
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A MISTAKE | KAZ BREKKER
Summary: Imagine doing an unsuccessful heist and Kaz taking it out on you.
The heist hadn't gone as planned. It was no one's fault, you had just been incredibly unlucky, but Kaz was still enraged at everyone and looking for a guilty one, accusing everyone on their turn before you stepped in.
"Kaz, stop it." You sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself. "We could have done nothing otherwise. Sometimes these things happen, it isn't anyone's fault. You made a brilliant plan, we all tried to follow it-"
"No," Kaz grumbled, glaring at you in turn. "A mistake like this can't happen without someone taking responsibility. You weren't much of an use either, or what were you doing there at the hallway when guards were rushing towards us? We could have hid, but you gave us away before we could. I blame you all the same for this failure!" He shouted, his eyes flashing dangerously.
Your face dropped at Kaz's words and you took a step back from him. His hands clenched around his cane as he glared at you.
"I didn't do anything wrong," you mumbled, trying to hold his gaze.
He snorted and turned away from you. "Yes, you did. This wasn't your first job, so why the hell did you think you could get away with going solo there?!"
You rolled your eyes, clenching your jaw. "I had to! They could have reached us and killed us all if I didn't slow them down!"
Kaz scoffed. "If you would have followed the plan, we could have had an opportunity to hide!"
"No," you shook your head quickly. "They knew exactly where we were, they would have surrounded us and either imprisoned us or killed us! For your information, I saved our lives so thank you so much for your fucking gratitude!"
"Kaz, they're right, we could have-" Jesper tried to intervene but Kaz interrupted him.
"This is between me and them, keep your mouth shut!" Kaz growled.
"Hey, let's just all take some time to calm down." Wylan murmured as he carefully approached you but Kaz still hadn't stopped.
"You're of no use," he snarled at you. "We don't need people like you during heists, maybe you should take up the broom instead or stay in your room, out of sight."
"Kaz!" Inej scolded him while the rest of the Crows stood dumbfounded, staring at Kaz in shock.
Your eyes became glossy, tears threatening to spill over. But Kaz still didn't seem to care. So you turned around and sprinted towards the Slat, letting the cold wind bite your face as your tears finally began cascading over your cheeks.
The Crows stood there for a while, seeing you disappearing to the crowd. Then they all laid disappointed looks at Kaz.
"Happy now?" Nina sighed and started walking faster, with no doubt of wanting to offer a listening ear for your once again broken heart.
They all knew you both had feelings for each other, but you didn't deserve to be treated like this by him. Kaz was usually cool and collected, but his conflicted feelings for you merged with frustration was never pretty to watch. But this was something worse than your usual bickerings, and Inej noticed the slight flash of regret in Kaz's eyes. He hid it incredibly well, but it was still there. She'd pop by his window in the morning and talk him into apologising to you like so many times before - you deserved to know he still cared about you, even when you had fights like these. She was just concerned about how many fights would you take before giving up on him...
---
Inej's presence floated in the air early in the morning. Sun had barely risen, and Kaz had once again stayed awake the whole night. You had usually made him sleep a little, even take a nap. Telling him his brains would be able to work harder if he slept and he wouldn't feel so frustrated.
But yesterday, from obvious reasons, you hadn't come to talk him into going into bed for a little while. It had felt weird, but Kaz knew the reason. Nina had taken food with her at the evening and headed towards your room, laying a glare at Kaz as she passed him but didn't say anything.
Kaz had sensed Inej long before the shadow passed his desk and Inej's soft steps approached him.
"Kaz," she sighed. "You owe them an apology."
Kaz ignored her. "What time is it?"
"Early."
"Is anyone else awake yet? We need to start working on a new plan."
"No. We need to talk about your fight yesterday with a certain Dreg."
"Why?" Kaz asked, irritated.
"When will you go and apologise to them?"
"There's nothing to apologise for."
"You had them cry in Nina's arms for an hour. Nina had to help them to fall asleep. So yes, you do have something to apologise for."
"It's fine, Inej."
"I'm serious, Kaz."
"They'll get over it."
"If you want them to hate you forever."
"They already hate me," Kaz muttered.
Inej sighed, staring at Kaz for a moment. Kaz ignored her accusatory look and just continued working with the plan. Suddenly, Inej's hand appeared on his way.
"Saints, Kaz!" she exclaimed suddenly and Kaz's eyes met hers for the first time today. "You need to think about their feelings for once."
"I don't have time to think about whether someone gets hurt from things I say, in the Barrel, you have to be tough and if you aren't, you're screwed." He huffed.
Inej sighed. "We all know you care about them more than you care about the rest of us. We know you have feelings for them."
Kaz paused then, letting a long breath through his nose. "I don't have feelings for them."
"You do. We all have seen how you look at each other. Nina has heard your heart when you look at them. You both are just so stubborn and won't act for it. It's getting ridiculous."
"It's not like that."
"You say it's not like that, but still everything points the other way."
"You don't know what you're talking about," Kaz growled, his fingers tapping the desk.
Inej groaned. "Kaz, you know you want to go to apologise. Swallow your pride for once.."
He huffed. "Dirtyhands being soft for someone doesn't fit the picture."
Inej laughed and rolled her eyes. "I know that while living in the Barrel and being a crime boss, it's necessary. But I know you. This is just petty, and you don't want to lose them. Go apologise. Or I'll drag you there."
Kaz looked at Inej for a moment longer before he took a big breath in and stood up. "Fine," he grumbled, "I'll go talk to them."
---
Kaz didn't know how long exactly he had stood in front of your room. He couldn't help but think that you would be too angry at him to speak - and Inej's claim of you having feelings for him.
It wasn't possible. Kaz's feelings for you were hardly possible, so yours would be even less. And you'd deserve someone better than him anyway.
Kaz tried to convince himself of this, but a little voice echoed at the back of his head.
What if they do like you back?
He stared at your door for a moment longer before finally bringing himself to knock.
A groan was heard and then your groggy voice, "Coming..."
The door opened and Kaz's heart started to beat faster the moment he saw you. You squinted your eyes at the light and when you recognised him, your expression immediately transformed into a scowl.
"What do you want?" you snapped, your hands on your hips and your hair messy from sleep.
Kaz opened his mouth but then shut it again. You were angry, he was sorry but he didn't know how to word it. He sighed.
"I thought we should talk this through," he finally said, taking a step forward.
You didn't say anything and just stared at him for a moment. "Oh, mighty Dirtyhands wants to talk now."
Kaz groaned and was quiet for a moment. "I owe you... an apology."
"I don't want to hear it," you said and attempted to slam the door shut, but Kaz got his cane between it and pushed himself inside to your room.
"We need to talk," Kaz said, moving his cane into your way again. "And I won't leave until we do."
"Stop that," you snapped.
"Why?"
"Because I'm trying to be mad at you."
Kaz bit back a smile at that. "If you want to be mad at me, you need to have a proper reason for it."
You huffed and crossed your arms. "Fine, then talk."
Kaz sighed and laid his gaze on his hands gripping the cane. "What I said last night was needless and inconsiderate. I..." He clenched his jaw and cast his eyes downwards for a moment, and then met your eyes again and continued. "I apologise for it."
He glanced up at you, expecting to still see your anger, but instead, your expression was confused.
"Well, I wasn't expecting that."
Kaz smirked at your confusion. "I know how to be an asshole, but I'm trying to be a good boss, too."
You chuckled. "I've gotten used to you being an asshole even when I know you care about me- care about us, I mean, so... it's weird to hear you apologise."
Kaz huffed with a small smile, his heart thudding. He smiled at you, and you were smiling too, and he felt his heart jump at that.
"Have you slept at all last night?" you asked him.
Kaz shook his head. "No. I had work."
You sighed and rolled your eyes. "Work can wait, you go have a nap right now."
You opened the door for him, and you began ascending the stairs together. Kaz smirked at your order. "And if I won't?"
You laughed. "I'll knock you out and drag you to bed. Your call."
---
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Kaz Brekker x fem!reader
Summary: Kaz Brekker isn't insecure.
Genre: Angst (happy ending), hurt/comfort
Warnings: Canon like violence, mentions of blood
Kaz Brekker wasn't an insecure man.
To survive inside The Barrel, insecurities weren't a freedom him or his Crows had since insecurity meant weakness, and weakness meant death.
However, Kaz would rather die a million times over than watch you touch Matthias so tenderly again.
It isn't your fault — it was his plan : an admittedly reckless plan that ended with the need for your healing. Your touch. Still, Kaz stands silently in the corner of the room, jaw clenched, as you slowly move Matthias's shirt over his head and hover your palms over his wound.
"You do know that's her job?" Jesper points out, cleaning his guns as he stands next to Kaz, "This is why you hired her, remember? So she could heal us."
"I know." Kaz says, stoically.
"Then try not to look like you want to snap his neck. He's already beaten up because of you." Jesper sounds annoyed and Kaz can't blame him. This was on him. His thirst for money almost killed his Crows. Killed you. Watching your hand smooth down Matthias's hair, a small smile curling your lips, Kaz's hands tremble on his cane. A familiar nauseous sensation starts in his stomach and moves up his throat until his skin pales and Jesper, although exasperated, asks him if he's okay.
He's not okay, and he wants to tell Jesper — scream it out — but all Kaz does is nod curtly. He turns around and almost bumps into Nina as he leaves the room.
The door slams behind him causing you to look up from your work, confused, as Nina asks, "What's got his knickers in a twist?"
She continues with a smirk, "Poor boy's heart was almost pounding out of his chest," Nina looks at you for a moment. You hadn't even noticed Kaz and Jesper, too busy tending to Matthias and your heart sinks. All you can think about now is if Kaz is okay.
Is he hurt and just didn't want to tell you?
"Here," You say, handing Matthias his shirt and squeezing his shoulder, "You'll live." Matthias smiles a little as Nina stands by his side, holding his hand and leaning over to whisper sweet nothings in his ear.
You hurry to Jesper, "Jes," You start, rocking onto your toes to look at the closed door behind him, "Where'd the boss go? Is he hurt?" You ask, concerned for Kaz's health. Jesper looks at you and you can visibly see the wheels in his head turn.
"Jesper, tell me." You demand.
You had been the last Crow to join Kaz's crew — their "little crow" as Jesper liked to tease — so you had grown used to, sometimes, being left out of conversations. You knew it would take the team a while to completely trust you, and even with Inej's reassurance that she'd never seen Kaz trust someone as quickly as he trusted you, you still felt like the weak link.
The seventh crow.
The odd man out.
"He's being a child." Jesper says after consideration. You frown, nose scrunching in disapproval, and decide to push past him. Jesper calls your name in warning but you don't listen. You walk out into the main hall of the club, Matthias's blood still stained on your dress, and make your way to Kaz's office. The one place you knew he'd be.
Inej walks out just as you prepare to knock.
"Y/n," She says, eyes widening, as she pulls down her hood.
"Inej," You say, your cheeks burning, as an embarrassing feeling of jealousy stirs in your chest. It disappears when you look inside Kaz's office to see him leaning against his chair, his coat and hat put away, and he looks upset, "Is he okay? I just want to make sure he's not injured."
Inej looks behind her and then she turns to you, "I think he just needs someone to talk to." She smiles.
You nod silently. When Inej leaves, you breathe steadily and prepare yourself.
"Boss?" You whisper, knuckles brushing the open door and when Kaz tenses, you wince.
"Y/n." He turns around. Your eyes glance at his gloved hands, and you're suddenly aware of how dry your throat is, "What do you want?" His voice is curt, unemotional and, if you didn't know Kaz like you did, hurtful.
"I just wanted to make sure you didn't need me," Quickly, you show him your hands to emphasize your point. Kaz doesn't move, his blue eyes locked onto yours.
"How is Matthias?"
Honestly, Kaz couldn't care less about Matthias. Of course he doesn't want him dead, but he can't shake the image of your hand on Matthias's chest and every time, he wants to puke.
Kaz wouldn't admit this but he wishes he could touch you, or that you could touch him. It felt so unfair : having you stand in front of him and him being unable to take your hand, kiss your lips, hold you in his arms. Kaz almost wishes that if he can't, no one could.
But, he doesn't mean it — he knows you're too kind, too delicate, to deprive of someone worthy to love and to love you.
"He'll live." You restate. You look at Kaz more closely, "Are you sure you're okay? Your shirt is torn," You point at the small tear near Kaz's side. Kaz tenses. He had seen the wound but knew no one could help, so he didn't want to worry anyone.
"I'm fine," He says, stepping away from you when you try to move towards him. Your arm hangs in mid-air, cheeks flushed warm, as your heart thumps painfully. You withdraw and hold your hand to your chest, staring at Kaz's injury.
Kaz never let you heal him and as hard as you tried, you couldn't understand why.
He'd hired you because you were a healer. A runaway Grisha in need of a job and a home. Kaz had generously taken you in (upon Nina's insistence), but now you can't help but wonder if he regrets his decision. After all, it's obvious he doesn't trust you to help him.
Kaz sees the hurt in your eyes and he hates himself. How can he explain his situation without sounding embarrassingly weak? Being weak is the last thing he wants to be in front of you.
"Okay." You whisper and turn around. Kaz doesn't try and stop you. Instead he also turns around and waits until he hears the door close. When he does, he almost lets his mask crumble.
Almost.
* * *
Kaz's plans were always dangerous.
Kaz knew this, but he also knew they were always more dangerous for you than for anyone else. As a healer, you knew the basics of self-defense, but mostly your job consisted of tending to the injuries after the conflict.
So, more often than none, Kaz insisted you stay behind.
Only, as time went on you didn't want to wait around as your friends put themselves in danger. You wanted to help, and luckily you had protested Kaz's orders this time because the moment a knife sunk into his stomach and he collapsed onto the ground, you were rushing to his side.
"Kaz!" You exclaim, sliding to kneel next to him. Your arms are at your sides so you wouldn't accidentally touch him. You grab his cane and hold it close as you watch the crimson seep through Kaz's gloved fingers. He looks so scared.
"Kaz," You say, softer this time.
"Y/n! Watch out!" Inej shouts from somewhere behind you.
Before you can even think to turn around, one of Pekka Rollin's men grips your hair and starts to harshly drag you away from Kaz. You kick and scream, nails scratching at the man's hand. You need to heal Kaz. Clutching his cane, you muster as much strength as you can and hit the man behind you until he stumbles and you manage to pull yourself away from him.
You almost throw yourself back to where Kaz is and without hesitation, you rest your hands around his wound. Kaz inhales and his eyes squeeze shut: both from the pain and the sensation of someone's touch.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." You plead as you try to heal him as quickly as possible. In any normal situation, you would never touch him like this: without his permission. You feel awful, "Please, Kaz, be okay." You mutter.
Kaz is clearly uncomfortable but, finally, when you see his eyes clear from any pain, he's instantly pushing you away from him. It's an instinct so you blame him when you stumble over.
You watch him almost curl into himself and your chest tightens. You want to cry.
You don't have time to cry as the man who'd attacked you just a few minutes earlier harshly pulls you off the ground. You aren't quick enough to snatch Kaz's cane off the ground and you yelp, "If you struggled less than this would be much easier, witch." The man snaps, crushing you into his chest, and you hiss in pain.
However, the man mustn't have seen that you'd healed Kaz in time, because when Kaz's cane slams into his mouth, he's taken by surprise and crashes into the wall: knocked out cold. The man's blood sprinkled on your cheek, you crouch down to cover your ears as the last of Jesper's gun-shots blast loudly into the air and suddenly the night is silent. You hold your head, still throbbing from the pain, and look up:
Kaz clutches his cane in one hand. While he stands a little unevenly, color has returned to his face and he doesn't look like he's two minutes from death anymore. Still, his chin is bruised purple and his left cheekbone is oddly swollen.
When Kaz looks at you with an odd expression of worry and annoyance, since the guilt has sunken in, you stand and avoid his stare.
"Y/n!" Jesper exclaims and swoops you up from behind. He holds you close and you bury your nose into his shoulder, "Saints, you scared me." Lifting your head, you look behind him as Inej, Nina, Matthias, and Wylan gather around.
When Jesper reluctantly releases you, he turns to glance at Inej. They seem concerned at how emotionless Kaz looks for someone who almost died.
Kaz looks at them, then at you quickly, and his lips twitch. He looks at the ground and, holding his cane, he limps past everyone. "Come." He orders.
The more Kaz walks, the more he feels sick. He shouldn't since the wound has completely disappeared and he doesn't feel any pain anymore. You had done your job. You had healed him. You had touched him.
He shivers and wishes his heart would calm down.
Kaz doesn't hate you. He's not even mad. You didn't have a choice — or you did, but he most likely would have died if you hadn't jumped in in time. Honestly, he's more disgusted with himself that he couldn't enjoy your touch: which is something he's wished to feel so badly.
He's also incredibly upset because his plan failed — for the second time — and, maybe more than anything else, Kaz is furious that Pekka Rollin's men had the opportunity to lay their hands on you.
* * *
Upon your return to the Crow Bar, you had gone around and mended any little scratches or aches anyone had and now you sat in a corner, an anxious bundle of guilt and nerves. You pick at your nails as you replay what happened in your head, over and over again until it's all you can think about.
You fear Kaz will throw you out into the street with nothing. You'd broken an important boundary and knowing Kaz, he'd be capable of doing so without remorse. So, lost in your anxiety, you don't hear someone call your name,
"Y/n,"
Your face falls. "Boss!" You exclaim, standing up, as you try and look composed and certainly not like the absolute mess you were.
Kaz looks at you blankly, a look that now feels incredibly intimidating. He doesn't speak and instead he just nods his head towards his office door. You follow him quickly. Inside Kaz's office, the air seems thicker and the light is dim. He turns just as you close the door. You look at him, prepared for the worst.
"I'm sorry." Kaz says seriously, it sounds like those two words had been rehearsed a thousand times. His hands hold his cane so tightly you can almost hear the leather of his gloves squeeze, "You shouldn't have been involved in this mission."
You feel like someone has ripped your heart out of your chest, slowly squeezing until you could pass out.
"I understand that I shouldn't have crossed that boundary," You start and then you pause, "But Kaz," You look up at him, desperate for him to understand, "You could have died. I was panicking, that mean man had me by my hair and you weren't really aware of your surroundings anymore. I had to do something. I couldn't lose you."
It's almost like Kaz's shocked expression in response to your sudden admission of endearment mirrors your own. Your eyes widen and your mouth slowly closes as you stand extremely still, almost like you're hoping you'll disappear.
It feels like an eternity before Kaz speaks and judging by how calculated his words sound, you can tell he's making sure to say the right thing, "And I," He takes a sharp breath as you hold yours, "can't lose you."
You stare at him curiously. Caring words sound so unfamiliar coming from Kaz Brekker: he infamous Bastard Of The Barrel. You don't know how to feel.
"I understand." You lie.
"No. No. You don't understand." Kaz interrupts and he looks so serious. His posture is tense and, as you stand in front of him, you worry that something has suddenly gone wrong, "I couldn't care less about you being our healer." He explains.
Then what do you care about? You think.
Kaz answers your question almost like you'd asked him aloud, "I care about you. I worry about you. You consume my every thought,"
You feel like air isn't even available anymore and the tension is palpable. You didn't realize how close you're standing to Kaz until his gloved hand brushes lightly against your cheek, touching where the small specks of blood still lay. You turn your head so his hand can't touch you.
"Kaz, you really don't,"
"I want to." He whispers, voice smooth, "I want you." He sounds so innocent.
His hand lingers, until Kaz pulls it away and flexes his fingers. You can see him panic just a little and your eyes soften. You don't want him to push himself for you.
"Your aversion towards touch doesn't bother me, you know." You say, "I don't know exactly why you don't like it, or why you wear those gloves like your armor, but it doesn't matter. I still like you."
Kaz's eyebrows crease in confusion. Like him? An unusual spark ignites in his chest but he stays as emotionless as possible in fear of disappointment, "And that means?"
You're suddenly embarrassed. Did you read this wrong? Does he not want you like you thought he does? "I mean, I - I don't know how to say this - I want you?" You say, hoping that if he'd meant his words in that way, he'll understand.
Calmness washes over Kaz and for once, his armor starts to slip. He stands a little taller and his shoulders slack as a strong, unusual, feeling swells in his chest. He looks at you with utmost care. His eyes flick from feature to feature. He admires the creases around your eyes, the way your hair falls, the way you carry yourself with confidence and caution. His eyes move to your lips: something he knows he can't touch. At least not now, he tells himself because if he doesn't he might go mad with grief. He inhales and exhales slowly, thinking of his answer very carefully,
"I would give you the world, love." He says. It's a statement. A fact he would realize if he'd been born with money and status. He'd make you his Queen, "If I could." He adds quietly.
You feel warmth spread across your body and you ache to hold him. You settle for a smile instead. "I already have the world, Kaz Brekker." You admit and maybe for the second time since you've known him, Kaz cracks smiles. A real smile, not his crooked smirks or his sarcastic sneers. A tender smile, almost uncharacteristic and bizarre but nonetheless, a smile you wish to see more often.
No, Kaz Brekker, Bastard Of The Barrel — Dirtyhands himself — isn't an insecure man. He has no insecurities, and certainly no weaknesses.
That had all been true once. Now? Now, his one weakness is you and Kaz would make damn sure that no one ever even thinks of touching his weakness ever again.
#kaz brekker#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker x y/n#kaz brekker x fem!reader#shadow and bone#kaz brekker fanfic#kaz brekker fanfiction#kaz brekker imagine
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The Trap
part one of THWARTED
Six of Crows x fem!reader
word count: 3.2k
summary: Someone keeps outsmarting Kaz Brekker, snatching his jobs right from under his nose, and he will not sit idly by and watch it happen. He sets a trap, but what he finds almost seems like too much trouble for its worth.
warnings: being knocked out, light panic, reader has killed someone (this series deals with quite a lot so let me know if i’ve missed anything!)
The doors of the Slat slammed open, but the anger was sizzling in Kaz’ ears and he didn’t even hear it. His leg was throbbing and he was leaning on his cane more than he liked but there was no time to dwell on it. There were bigger issues that needed to be taken care of.
His eyes found the lanky sharpshooter he was looking for easily. “Jesper. Upstairs. Now.”
Maybe Jesper was in the mood to obey or maybe he heard the barely contained anger behind Kaz’ voice, but he got up and followed without a word.
Kaz limped up the three flights of stairs, his body protesting against every move. He’d barely slept in three nights while preparing for this job. He had taken care of everything—the plan had been faultless. And yet…
Up in his office, Inej was already waiting, leaning against the wall. She shared a glance with Kaz, as if asking if she should stay. He gave a single nod.
“Not that I don’t appreciate you calling me up here,” Jesper said as he stepped inside, “but I’m guessing it’s not to have a nice cup of tea?”
Kaz sank down in his desk-chair. An almost imperceptible sigh slipped from his lips as he stretched his leg out and he caught Inej sending him a worried glance from the side but ignored her. This wasn’t the time for pity.
“It happened again.”
The vault had been empty. Nothing. Not even a trace of someone else having been there, but all that Kaz had wanted had been gone.
Jesper whistled through his teeth. “What’s that now? The third time?”
“How?” Inej asked.
Kaz folded his hand together. That was the thing—he didn’t know how. Someone had been thwarting his plans and he could not for the life of him figure out how they did it. Or why. Why they only picked some of the hardest jobs while there were easier and more profitable undertakings they could have chosen.
There was a pattern, Kaz was sure, but clouded by his vexation he couldn’t see it. The gambling den on East Stave. The store in the Exchange. The vault in the councilman’s office. Something was connecting those three workings but he didn’t know what.
“We have to take different measures,” he said, ignoring Inej’ question. “Somehow, someone is aware of our plans and keeps beating us to them.”
Jesper frowned. “Any idea who? That’d make shooting them a little easier.”
“No one will be shooting anyone.” But at Jesper’s pout Kaz added, “Yet.”
Hands already resting on his guns, Jesper flashed a smile. Then he turned grave. “Do you think it’s Rollins?”
Kaz bit back the red haze of anger. “No,” he said. “No one would do this so silently unless they had something to hide. If Rollins had done this, the whole Barrel would’ve known. Besides, the Exchange job would be stealing from his own pocket. A whole lot of trouble for nothing.”
“He’s too lazy for that,” Inej added.
“So who then?” Jesper asked.
“Yes, who then?” Kaz pulled out a map and let his finger wander down the streets of Ketterdam. “That’s what we’ll find out.”
No one outsmarted the Bastard of Barrel, and they sure as hell wouldn’t attempt it from the shadows. If whoever was hindering him didn’t want to show their face, he’d put the spotlight on them himself.
Inej and Jesper shared a glance.
“Scheming face?”
Inej nodded, stepping closer to the desk. “Most definitely.”
Kaz gave his bad leg a stretch and rolled his shoulders. There’d be time to rest later. “Let’s set a trap, shall we?”
-o-o-o-o-o-
You hid your face in the collar of your coat as a group of workers passed you. One of the men laughed loudly and you shrunk together even more, pulling your hat closer over your face. The men walked past you without taking notice, but you didn’t dare to breathe out until you’d turned the corner.
Between the constant stadwatch patrols and the dark, solid storehouses, the Warehouse District wasn’t exactly one of your favourite parts of the city. That it was the best secured place in Ketterdam also didn’t work in its favour. Not when you were there to steal something.
At exactly eleven bells you turned into the street that served your destination. You glanced around, but there was only silent nighttime around you, and took your hat off. Keeping your hands in your pockets, feeling the lockpicks in one hand and the small handgun in the other, you walked until you reached the door under the third street light.
Everything had almost been ridiculously easy. The man that had boasted about the cheque he’d gotten from his latest shipment had almost been too loud. When you’d checked whether the shipment was real it had almost gone too smoothly. And the street was almost too empty, too silent, too dark.
But you needed the money and with the way you figured the man had earned it, it wouldn’t be too much of a loss if he never got to spend it. Honest work didn’t exist in Ketterdam and you really did not want to go back to living on the street.
At the door, you dropped to your knees and let the lockpicks slip into your hands. If anyone were to walk by you could pretend the ties of your shoes had come loose, but the lock clicked before you’d seen anyone. After one last glance at the dark street, you slipped inside.
The storehouse was no different from any of the other ones in the Warehouse District. You entered an entrance hall that was shielded from the vast space of the warehouse by wooden panels. On your left there was a table and some benches for the workers and in the darkness you could make out a discarded coat and a stack of newspapers.
The silence of the warehouse gave you chills, but you shook them off. You were here for a simple thing and you’d be out quickly. It was easy, just like stealing those authenticity papers on the jurda shipment at the Exchange had been.
But all sense of confidence left you as you saw the faint light coming from the office up in the corner of the storehouse. In a single move you had pulled the gun from your pocket and felt the dagger slip from your sleeve to your palm.
You should turn around and leave—that was the sensible thing. But when had you ever been sensible?
Slowly you walked through the stockpiles, keeping your footsteps as soundless as possible. You could hear nothing, no voices, no movement, but the light shouldn’t be burning. The most fortuitous explanation would be that someone had left it on, but you’d learned the hard way that luck was only for those who could afford it. And, considering you were here to steal money, you clearly weren’t one of those.
At the bottom of the stairwell up to the office you halted and listened. There still was no sound. You crept up the stairs, glancing over your shoulder once you were halfway. From up there you could see the entire hall of the storehouse, but it was empty.
You went on and at the top, you nudged open the door with your elbow, keeping both the gun and knife ready in your hands. The door opened with a squeak.
There, on the desk in the middle of the office, stood a single lantern, illuminating the entire room. The rest was empty. With a relieved sigh, you stepped inside, lowering your weapons.
“Wrong choice, darling.”
The door closed.
You spun around.
There was a flash of silver before something hard hit your head and you went down.
-o-o-o-o-o-
It was a trap.
Of course it was. You should have realised that, but you’d been on a winning streak lately and you’d overestimated your own abilities. A little confidence had never hurt anyone, but this shouldn’t have happened. You couldn’t afford missteps.
Your head hurt so much that you couldn’t open your eyes just yet. The pain spread from your left temple and it came in waves.
Upon trying to move you found your wrist stuck in ropes and you tried not to panic. Apart from the pain in your head, you seemed unharmed and you tried to take relief from the fact that whoever had bound you at least hadn’t killed you. Yet.
What if they had found you? Had they come for you like they had all those years ago?
Your breaths grew ragged and your chest felt like it was the part of your body bound with ropes. There was something acidic in the back of your throat, the sense burning behind your eyes. Your heart was pounding, sending the blood through your veins in wavering shocks.
You needed to open your eyes. You needed to breathe. You needed to get loose. You needed out.
Between your fits of panic you heard a door open and behind your eyelids you noticed the faint hue of light. In a reflex you opened your eyes and then quickly turned your head away.
The room you were in was dark, but in the weak light you could see a stone floor and heaps of what you presumed was cotton. You told yourself to breathe.
One step at a time. Eyes, breath, wrists.
Once you had gathered your breath, your panic stilled. Instead, resolve filled you. You had seen worse situations, had lived through more danger—you could get out of this. And perhaps, you thought as you slightly lifted your gaze and caught two pairs of feet and the tip of a cane, there was even something to gain.
It was time people paid their debts.
Eyes, breath, wrists. You took one final deep breath and looked up. The pain in your head was distracting but you bit it back. There was no time for weakness. As soon as your eyes landed on the person standing in front of you, you grinned.
“Well, well, well. Kaz Brekker, as I live and breathe. To what do I owe the pleasure of being kidnapped by the Barrel’s bastard?”
Kaz Brekker didn’t move a muscle as he stared at you. “Councilman Frederiksen recently lost his opal-inlaid family crest. It has disappeared from his vault, along with documents proclaiming his investment in the business of another esteemed councilman. Slootmaekers, I believe his name is.” He blinked. “Whoever has stolen the crest seems to have disappeared with it. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?”
Brekker’s dark glare was piercing and you felt a shiver run down your spine. Out of all people that could have come for you, he was the last one you’d expected. But it did bring forth a fortunate opportunity.
Maybe luck hadn’t given up on you after all.
“I’m afraid not.”
“No, of course not. Let me try again. Maybe this will ring a bell: A week ago, a shipment of jurda came in from Novyi Zem. Quality stuff, rumoured to have been handpicked and to last longer than any other kind on the market right now.”
You pursed your lips. “Sounds like a pricey investment.”
“It was one. You can imagine the investor’s fury when he found out someone had stolen the papers declaring the jurda’s authenticity. Without those, not only did the jurda lose its value, so did the investor his credibility. Almost as if the thief had wanted that to happen. You do not, by any chance, know something of it, do you?”
“Can’t say I do. But it sounds like an impressive job.”
“I must admit that it was.” He flexed his gloved fingers on the head of his cane and you saw he was narrowing the edge of his composure. “Allow me to try one more time. Mr. Jim Albert. Ever heard that name before?”
You froze. “What about him?”
“Hm.” A ghost of a smile passed Kaz Brekker’s face. “He disappeared three weeks ago, right before he was supposed to meet new investors. I’d know, because I was one of them. We waited two hours but he never showed. The next day his body was found in his gambling den’s backalley.”
The game was over and you had lost. You knew and so did Brekker. He tilted his head to the side and looked at you. “I suppose you don’t know anything about that either?”
You started to laugh, simply because you didn’t know what else to do.
“Very clever. The crest and jurda I would have left unclaimed easily, but” —you let your laugh die out— “Albert’s death is mine. And if you want an apology for your failed investment, I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you.”
Kaz raised an eyebrow. “I never expected it to pay off anyway, but I admit it would have liked some power after his bankruptcy. No, keep your apologies to yourself—I was curious as to why.”
“I was trying to find a new hobby. Spice things up?”
The person next to Brekker barked a laugh and you moved your gaze. “You’ve brought your loyal companion, I see.” You flashed a smile. “Jesper Fahey. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, although the circumstances under which would not have been my first choice.”
“You know me?” Jesper asked.
“I do my homework.” You looked around, silently noticing that you hadn’t left the Warehouse District, judging by the cotton storehouse around you. “So, now you know I stole the crest and documents, and I killed Albert. What do you want?”
“I want to know why.” Brekker took one step closer. “You have cost me time and money, so you better make it worth it. Who do you work for?”
“Work for?” you scoffed.
“The Razorgulls? Black Tips? Did Geels hire you? Or is it Rollins?”
The anger got to you before you could stop it. You surged forward with a snarl. If your hands hadn’t been bound, you were sure Brekker would have been a heap against the wall now.
“How dare you? How dare you suggest I work for that lowlife asshole?” You heard the soft click of a gun being loaded and when you looked aside you found Jesper’s gun pointed at your face. You turned back to Kaz. “Choose your words better next time, Brekker, or even that poor cane of yours won’t be able to help you walk anymore.”
You sunk back in the chair, fingers clutched around the rope on your wrists. Jesper lowered his gun.
“So not Rollins,” he said. “Noted. Kaz?”
This one was staring down at you with a strange, dark expression on his face. It lasted for a second, then it cleared and he was back.
“I work for no one,” you said, trying to keep your voice from trembling. “It’s just me.”
“Why those jobs? Where did you get the information?”
“Word is all around, you just have to listen to the right things.” You gestured around with your head. “Of course, not everything pays off.”
“That doesn’t answer the question.”
“You asked two questions at the same time, that makes it rather hard to answer.”
Kaz squeezed his eyes. “Why did you kill Albert before the meeting?”
“Albert gambled off children in his club,” you said. Upon seeing Jesper’s shocked face and even Kaz’ shadow of disgust, you added, “Yes, quite the secret, isn’t it? He deserved the ending he got. They say death is like falling asleep, but I made sure Albert got haunted by some nightmares first.” You shook your head. “If I had known there’d be money to be earned with his death, I would’ve chosen a different time, but I do not regret killing him.”
In the back of your head you could still hear his screams and your own hysterical laughter. Cruel, but you weren’t lying. Albert had thrown you into this life so it was only fair he got what he deserved.
“I see. And the jurda job?”
“It was an easy one,” you shrugged. “Anyone in their right mind would have done it. You tried too, but I suppose you don’t care to tell me why?”
Brekker stroked a hand over the lapel of his coat. “Same reason as you, no doubt. What about Frederiksen?”
You huffed. “Do you expect me to reveal all my secrets, Brekker?” When he said nothing and just kept watching expectantly, you turned to Jesper. “Is he always this relentless?”
“You learn to deal with it,” Jesper said, giving you a light grin.
“I doubt that.” You looked at Kaz. “The crest is worth a lot. Of course there are easier ways to get money, but where’s the fun in that? Getting into the mansion wasn’t the problem but the vault was a puzzle. Took me three nights to figure it out, but I guess there are worse ways to spend your evenings.” You felt the rope in your hands. “Like being bound to a chair.”
“And the documents?”
“They were… a lucky surprise.” You thought of the papers under your mattress, the effort they had cost you to get to them, and the rage which with you had almost torn them apart. Even after all those years, that name still did that to you. “A nice way to stir things up.”
Jesper laughed. “I like her, Kaz.”
You smiled at him. That was one. But with just Jesper’s support you wouldn’t get far.
“So,” you said, tilting your chair back. “What more do you want to know?”
Brekker stared at you for a minute and you had the strange feeling he could see through your act. “One more thing.”
“Let me guess: Why tonight?” You shrugged. “A girl’s gotta eat, not? I hate to admit that you had me fooled so easily, but you did.”
“No.” Kaz pointed with his cane to you. “I want to know why you are still here when you have freed yourself from the rope minutes ago.”
Eyes, breath, wrists. You held out your unbound hands in front of you. Then you looked up; Jesper was staring at you with an impressed look on his face but Kaz seemed unfazed.
“The same reason you haven’t killed me yet, if I judge correctly.” You crossed your arms and leaned back. “You’re interested. So am I. We could work together.”
Brekker said nothing but you could see on his face that you’d guessed right. You truly hadn’t wanted to ruin his jobs, it had been a coincidence. And now he knew, perhaps there was a chance here. An opportunity to finally get your revenge.
“We could still kill you,” Jesper offered, but there was a smirk on his face.
Brekker wasn’t so merry. “One wrong move and it’s over,” he said. Then he nodded, “What do you have?”
You straightened, the excitement of a new job filling you with that familiar tingle, and grinned. Time to get to work. “Oh, it’s got it all. Money. Danger. Fun.”
Revenge.
Once, you had vowed to bring them all down, to never rest until you saw their bodies lowered into the ground. For years you had been nurturing your rage, preparing for this moment, when you would see them fall one by one.
You would come for them as they had come for you.
- - - - - - -
six of crows taglist: @xxinvisiblexx @awritingtree
MASTERLIST
#thwarted#six of crows x reader#six of crows imagine#six of crows#soc#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker imagine#jesper fahey x reader#jesper fahey imagine#inej ghafa x reader#inej ghafa imagine#kaz brekker#jesper fahey#inej ghafa#shadow and bone#shadow and bone x reader#shadow and bone imagine
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This might be more on the angst side… oops? Also, this is like 3k words…
There are POV switches!! And this was inspired by an ao3 story with a similar premise but that was with Kaz and Wylan so there’s that.
There is alcohol and suggestiveness in this! Be warned, it’s a bit different than my usual!
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x gn!Reader
Flufftober 4 - It’s All An Act (Spies)
"Sorry, what?" You stare at Kaz, and he stares back evenly.
"It's a simple mission. You don't have to do anything."
"Then why do you need me?"
He sighs, gloved hand tightening and loosening on his crow cane. Without a doubt, he was upset at you for not getting it, but forgive you for being a little startled when he asks you to pretend to date him!
"It'll be too suspicious if I show up alone. All I need you for is pretending to date me. But carry some weapons in case things go... awry."
"You want me to go with you to a party, pretend to date you, and... that's it?"
"That's it."
You stare at him for a few more moments, trying to figure out if he had any other angle. Most times, Kaz Brekker kept his crows in the loop. But there were times when he didn't, and you knew him too well to not try and figure out if it was or wasn't.
Although you were the second newest crow (thanks to Wylan for taking the newest title) you and Kaz actually somewhat got along. You’re certain it's because he values you ability to kill without hesitation. That's what you are to him: his assassin. Your role, your one job, was to kill and to kill efficiently.
He didn't question why you were able to kill so easy, and you didn't question his aversion to touch and water. You got along, and things were fine.
Or, they were, until you had to go and start noticing stupid things about him. Like the way he looked mid-fight, slamming his cane into someone. Or the way his lips would barely twitch when one of them said something particularly funny. It took you a bit to realize, but when you did you knew you were royally fucked.
Because, of course, you started to develop feelings for Kaz Brekker. Feelings that, as long as you were sane, would stay quite hidden. Which only made this whole job harder.
He wanted you to pretend to date him. It might just be the hardest thing he's asked of you yet, and he doesn't even know it.
"Take the job. Wish I could go to a party." Jesper grumbles, and you glance at the sharp shooter sitting next to you.
"Unfortunately, no one in their sound mind would believe we were dating." Kaz says cooly. "That, and everyone knows your face around here."
You grimace. Your own insurance, coming to bite you in the ass. Most people only saw you face before you killed them. It was easier to sneak around in plain sight that way. Obviously the crows were the exceptions, and maybe a few others out there.
"You're sure nobody else wants to do this?" You try.
"Wylan and Jesper are far too in love for me to take Wylan, Inej is out hunting slavers, and Nina..." He shakes his head.
"Fine. Whatever. I'll do the stupid job."
You sigh, knowing this job very well might be the death of you. Emotional death, that is. But then again, it was Kaz. Surely he wasn't the type to be a touchy fake date, not with his touch aversion.
"Good. Meet me down here at nine sharp tomorrow night. Dress nice, have concealed weapons."
Kaz walks off, not waiting for you to confirm you understood his directions. You scowl at his back before sighing.
"This will be a disaster."
"I'm sure it'll be fun!" Jesper exclaims. "It's a party, how bad can it be?"
"I have to fake date Kaz Brekker." You deadpan.
"Yeah, but he wants you for arm candy. To draw the attention away from him. That's the closest to a compliment you'll ever get out of him."
You can't help but sigh again. "We take what we can get with him, don't we?"
-
Kaz is waiting for you outside the Crow Club when you arrive. He isn't dressed any different from his normal, except a pocket watch with a fancier chain than you’re used to. His gaze is level as he gazes at you as you walk towards him.
And you knows you looks good, but that isn't why he's looking at you. You’re in a nice outfit for once, flowing sleeves down to your wrists, and black gloves up to your elbows nearly. The gloves and long sleeves were carefully planned, knowing exactly what role you’d be playing tonight.
"How many knives do you have?" Kaz asks, looking behind you, almost like he's checking to see if you were followed by anyone.
"Seven." You grin. You may be a pretty distraction tonight, but you’re just as dangerous as you are pretty.
"Good." He nods. Not approval, but close enough. "Let's go."
You walk next to him as they go through the streets of Ketterdam, slowly heading to the more expensive places. The streets widen, becoming more and more lit as they go, and you realize that maybe you should've asked whose party this was.
"So, Brekker. Lovely night, isn't it?" You ask conversationally. From the very start You’ve always used his last name, and haven’t even thought of changing that despite how he always ground his teeth at it.
"What do you want?" He snaps.
"Come on, be nicer to your date." You can't help yourself. Kaz might not react much, but it's funny when he does react.
"This was a bad idea."
"But we're too far into it now."
Kaz's jaw clenches, and you can't help but laugh quietly. "So, the plan?"
He sighs, and you wait a moment. Although he's sometimes an asshole, and mostly keeps things to himself, he's always told you everything you needed to know in a plan.
"Just look pretty and act stupid. Do what I tell you, for once." He finally says.
"Oh, yikes, that'll be really hard. I mean, listening to you?" You joke.
Kaz pulls up short, slamming his cane out in front of you. "I mean it, assassin."
And just as you called him Brekker, he called you by your job. Assassin.
"You can't call me that tonight." You respond calmly. "It'll give us away."
"Say it."
You groan. "Fine. I'll listen to you."
He nods sharply, continuing on. "Good."
"You're a little paranoid, don't you think?"
Kaz doesn't even justify you with an answer at that one, leaving you to walk alongside him quietly.
"This is it." He announces suddenly, and draws up short.
You let your eyes flicker over the building—tons of windows—then return to him. "...are you sure?"
"Yes. Inside. Now."
The second you take a step in, you shrink yourself. Shoulders curling in, angling yourself towards Kaz. You can feel his eyes on you as you do so, raking over you.
"Loosen up." He instructs you in a low voice.
"Easy for you to say." You murmur back. "You're not the one pretending to be the crow's whore."
"Someone's said that to you before."
It's not a question. Of course it isn't. Kaz's eyes sharpen, hardening into something mean in front of you.
"Not now." You say dismissively.
He glares at you but gives you a curt nod, and together you walk into the party. You, just for tonight, let yourself revel in the eyes being drawn to you. You give a taunting grin to someone they walk by, playing up your role a little.
Look pretty? Yeah, you can do that.
"Mr. Brekker." A merchant says, his eyes sliding from Kaz to you. "And..."
"Alex." you purr, tilting your head.
Like hell you’re giving your real name out to anyone here. Instead, Alex, a random name, will have to do.
"My date." Kaz cuts in smoothly. "Don't mind them."
"Pretty." The merchant says appraisingly. You should be flattered, but you’re more disgusted.
Kaz tilts his head, studying you. "Yes." He agrees coldly. "Get a drink, we're going to talk business. Loosen up."
You pause, but this certainly isn't the time to mention that youve never drank before. Instead you give him a graceful nod, floating off through the crowds.
The bar is an open bar, you can tell that from the lazy way the bartender is flashing his watch. Nobody here is expected to get drunk, or to steal it. Unfortunately for them, you and Kaz are here, so no watch is safe.
"I'll have a drink." You say lightly, leaning on the counter.
"Of?" The bartender asks, snorting.
Shit.
"Make me what you're best at." You answer, looking at him through your eyelashes. It should be a safe answer.
By the way the bartender smiles and starts to make something, it is. A second later a glass of something is slid your way. Here's to hoping this won't fuck with you too much.
-
Kaz Brekker
He's starting to get a little worried. Not too much, he knows you can handle yourself perfectly fine, but it has been a while since he sent you off. You weren’t at the bar: he's been checking it every few moments.
It's starting to piss him off. One job, one easy job, and you can't even follow that. There was no point in bringing you if you was just going to vanish.
"Come on, Assassin." He murmurs, still scanning the crowd.
Truthfully, he shouldn't be calling you that here. Alex was the name you gave the merchant earlier, and Alex was the name he should be calling you by. He isn't sure where Alex came from, actually.
It doesn't matter. What does matter is what he came here for, and finding you.
Of course, right as he's about to turn back to the real reason he's here, there's a clatter of decidedly sour guitar strings. Most don't turn towards the noise, but Kaz does. And when he sees, his entire body freezes.
Because where else would you be except talking to the guitar player. And, from the looks of it, flirting with him.
"There you are." Kaz says, striding to you, feeling like yelling. "I've been looking for you."
"Sorry." You chirp, grinning brightly at him.
At that, he falters. When was the last time he saw a smile that bright, that genuine? Actually, scratch that, when had you ever apologized to him?
He leans closer, whispering in your ear, words coming out more as a snarl than anything else. "What are you doing, Assassin?"
"Me?" You ask, looking genuinely surprised. "I'm talking to the guitar player! I used to play guitar, you know, before my father broke it."
He flicks his eyes over you. Not once have you ever divulged information about your personal life, and not once did Kaz ever ask.
"You're drunk?" He asks, incredulously.
"Me? Drunk?" You gasp, stumbling.
With a lurch, he grabs your arms to stop you from hitting the floor. Even through his gloves, it sends a jolt up his spine.
"Three layers." You slur, and he realizes you’re comforting him while drunk. "Don't panic."
"How much did you drink?" He demands lowly, dragging you to a darker corner.
"Three. Maybe four."
"Three what?"
Only three drinks shouldn't have messed you up this much, not unless they were straight vodka or something ridiculous.
"I don't know."
He stares at you. It isn't like you to be so... careless.
"What do you mean you don't know?" He snaps.
"I've never drank before." Kaz's jaw goes slack. You’ve never drank before? This is your first time drinking? Ever? "Hey, anyone ever tell you your eyes are nice?"
"Shut up, I need to think." Kaz growls, drawing a hand down his face.
His eyes dart around, landing on a nearby door. Without a second thought, he shoves you in, closing the door behind you and locking it. It's a bathroom, and for that he's incredibly thankful.
"Splash yourself with water." Kaz orders, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms.
"Why?"
"To sober you up."
"Will it really?"
Kaz is starting to like you a lot more when she's sober.
-
You
An explosion rockets through the building, shaking the walls a little. "Woah." You laugh. It’s funny for some reason. "One of ours? Wylan's?"
"Yes." Kaz says, eyes flicking between you and the door. "Water, now."
"Why are we bombing the party?"
"Near the party." He corrects you impatiently.
There's a sudden pounding on the door, and Kaz swears under his breath violently.
"Anyone in there?! Open up!"
You lift yourself onto the bathroom counter, sitting next to the sink. You watch Kaz, his scheming face on.
"What are you doing?" He asks, still glaring at you.
"Get over here."
"What are you doing?"
"Kaz." You raise your eyebrows. "Get caught or get over here."
Kaz clenches his jaw, striding up to you. "Now what? You're drunk, we're in a bathroom."
You run your hands through your hair, messing it up. You move back further to lean against the mirror, spreading your legs.
"Hands on either side of my head."
Immediately, Kaz stiffens. "Pardon?"
"We either make it look like you're about to fuck me or we get caught."
His eyes go cold, but he leans in, placing a hand to right of your head. His left hand, though, goes to your waist.
"Three layers." He murmurs, almost to himself. "You're drunk, which means I'm yelling at you later for this."
"Please don't-" You cut yourself off with a gasp when the door slams open. You’re close. Not enough to touch Kaz, your mind isn't that foggy, but enough to certainly imply some things.
"Oh." A strange voice says. "Oh. My- my apologies, I didn't-"
"Get out." Kaz growls, turning his head away from you to glare at whoever is at the door.
The door shuts quickly with a loud "thud" noise. Both Kaz and you stay there for a moment, waiting to see if the intruder was actually gone.
"Wasn't that fun?" You say weakly.
"No." Kaz snaps, turning his head back to glare at you.
"Don't be pissed at me. I just saved our asses." You complain, meeting his eyes.
"Who said I'm pissed at you? Frustrated, certainly. I can't fault you too much for being drunk when I asked you to get a drink."
"You have a nice voice." You say honestly.
"Close your mouth before you say something you'll regret."
you stare at him for a moment, mind swirling with thoughts you can't truly sort out.
You’re suspended for another second, neither of you having moved from the quite intimate position. You wasn't a short person, but you were smaller than Kaz, meaning he's practically covering your body with his right now.
"Could you get off me?" You say quietly.
"You're the one who put us in this position." He responds, raising his eyebrows. "If you were uncomfortable with it, you shouldn't have done it."
Either way, he removes his hands, but doesn't step back. Your head swims, having entirely forgotten his hand was on your waist in the first place.
"No, it's because I liked it too much."
Kaz closes his eyes, rubbing his temples with gloved hands. "This is why I don't deal with drunk people."
"What, drunk people are too honest or something?"
"No. Secrets get spilled that nobody wants to hear."
"You don't want to hear my secrets?" You pout, a little upset. You must truly be nothing to him if he didn't even want your secrets to use against you.
"Why are you sad at that?" Kaz asks, and if you didn't know better you’d think he sounds incredulous.
"Because that means I mean nothing to you, which is depressing."
"Where did you get that idea?" His eyebrows furrow.
"You want everyone's secrets." You point out, still leaning against the mirror while sat on the counter. "Why not mine?"
"Trust me, I want them. I just want them out of your own free will."
Hell if you know what that means, but... "Nobody is holding a gun to my head."
"You're drunk. You have no filter."
"Correct. And? When did you care about morals?"
"I don't." He levels his cool gaze at you. "But when it comes to you... I know I wouldn't want my secrets getting out because I'm drunk."
"When it comes to me?" You echo, jumping on the lose thread in his words.
"Get off the counter."
"Explain."
An unstoppable force meets an unmovable object, what happens? A collision so grand, so huge, that everything else pales in comparison.
But they aren't unstoppable or unmovable. You are drunk, Kaz has his own problems.
So he steps back, and you slide off the counter, fixing your clothes.
"Let's go." Kaz says gruffly.
But even now, even in the dim lighting of a bathroom, even with a foggy mind that is slowly clearing, you know. Hell, you both know.
Something has changed.
#six of crows#soc#kaz brekker#crooked kingdom#grishaverse#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker imagine#kaz brekker x reader#soc kaz#six of crows kaz
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Stray : a Kaz Brekker x f!reader oneshot
A/N: thank you for this anon request/prompt for Kaz! This cat is a tortoiseshell breed, because they can be quite vicious and my family adopted one when I was a child and he was half feral.
Summary: You rescue a stray cat because it reminds you of Kaz: dark, scarred and a little prickly. (Established relationship).
The loud scattering of pebbles and high pitched angry yowl altered your course, sending you off towards the mouth of a dark alley. Once inside, you quietly freed the leather sap Kaz made certain you always carried on you, and crept up behind the larger of the two boys tossing stones at something just out of your sight. You swung the blunt weapon and brought it down hard on the side of his head, sending him staggering, holding his right ear. You knew it would be ringing something wicked.
The smaller boy turned to face you with a snarl, his teeth fading back behind his lips as he recognised you. You let the sap drop on its loop, swinging back and forth in front of his face.
“You’re Brekker’s girl, aren’t you?”
You could taste his fear.
“Yes. Now get lost before my worse nature takes over and I break your nose for the fun of it.”
The boy grabbed the sleeve of the taller one and pulled him away down the alley and back out onto the open street. After making sure they weren’t returning for another go, you knelt down and peered into the shadows at the base of the alley wall where there was something moving. Glowing yellow eyes glared back at you and you slowly made out the shape of a saturated cat, ears flat against its skull and its back arched.
You slowly replaced the sap and reached for the animal with both hands outstretched. First mistake. You hissed and clenched your teeth against the sharp pain of claws embedding in your skin and tearing back out. Sighing heavily, you pulled your hooded coat off and lunged, wrapping the furious cat in the heavy fabric. It hissed and spat, writhed in your grip, but you were just as relentless in not letting go.
You carried the wriggling soggy beast underneath the nearest streetlamp, its pale light sputtering weakly in the rain. It didn’t illuminate much, but you were able to see the cat’s angry eyes glowering at you, patches of mottled black and tawny fur and a scar over one eye. You started to smile as the cat settled a little, ceasing to hiss and instead simply watching you warily. You knew precisely who this irate animal reminded you of. You carefully tucked a finger inside the coat and rubbed under the cat’s chin; it responded by closing its eyes and giving you a single, blunt purr.
You grinned.
“Hello, Cat Kaz” you said, scooping him up more solidly against your chest and ignoring your bleeding hands. “You’re coming home with me.”
As soon as you entered the Slat, Jesper took one look at what you carried and started laughing. He pointed one long elegant finger at the cat and raised an eyebrow.
“Good luck getting that past the boss, missy.”
You arched an eyebrow back.
“Getting it past him?” you replied. “This cat is him. Take a closer look.”
Jesper took a step and peered closer, and the cat reacted instantly, narrowing its eyes and spitting. Jesper jumped away and glared at you. You snickered at his hurt expression.
“See what I mean?” you said. “He only likes me. Go figure. Say hello to Cat Kaz.”
“Excuse me?”
You turned to face the shambling stairs, the direction the voice had come from. Kaz was standing halfway down, his eagle eyes travelling from your face to the bundle in your arms and back. His cane thunked against the stairs as he continued down.
“Missy here has rescued a cat” Jesper volunteered, your answering glower bouncing off him like rain.
Kaz raised his eyebrows and approached you slowly, the ease of his expression visible only to you. He stared down at the rescue, unreadable, then at you.
“We can’t keep that” he said firmly. “Your soft heart is what’s going to get you killed, in the end.”
You rolled your eyes.
“You’ll get used to him” you said, and Jesper smirked. “Now could you please help me out a little? Cat Kaz scratched me up pretty badly. I might bleed out through my hands soon.”
Kaz sighed heavily, but nodded and started over towards the bottom of the stairs.
In the tiny bathroom adjoining Kaz’s bedroom, he waited resignedly while you settled the cat in the pile of your coat at the foot of his bed. He refused to call it by the name you gave it.
“Come here” he instructed, having waited long enough.
You glanced up and sauntered over to him, edging past him in the narrow doorway to jump up on the edge of the porcelain sink.
“Shirt, love.”
It was only in the soft silence of your own privacy that he ever called you by anything other than your real name. You obeyed, shimmying out of the fabric and buttons, and letting it drop to the tile. You held out your hands and watched as Kaz drew his gloves off. He frowned at the state of your marked up hands.
“Saving a stray was a stupid thing to do” he muttered, turning your hands this way and that under the bathroom light. “What possessed you?”
As he reached under the sink for antiseptic and finger bandages, you gently grasped his jaw and turned him back towards you.
“He reminded me of you” you said softly.
One dark eyebrow rose in question.
“How so?”
“He’s all dark and damaged and still worth saving. And underneath all the wet fur and scars, he’s quite a handsome cat.”
You released him and tipped your head to the side, smiling faintly. His expression remained flat and neutral, but there was a slight uptick to his left eyebrow that gave him away to you.
“How do you even know it’s a boy?” he asked.
You scoffed.
“Do you want to take a look and find out?”
Kaz conceded the point and set to work cleaning and dressing your scratches, his fingers moving nimbly, his touches cool and precise, not lingering until the very end, when he rested his bare hands on your waist, moving his thumbs back and forth over your skin.
“Were you smart?” he asked quietly, barely a murmur. “Did you have your sap?”
You nodded and leaned into him, knees open to either side of his hips.
“Yes. I’m always smart, Dirtyhands” you assured him.
He thumbed your rapid pulse, feeling it thrum in response to him and him only. He rested his forehead on yours carefully.
“Perhaps not” he muttered, and gently kissed you.
For a month, Kaz went out of his way to avoid Cat Kaz and leave his feeding and care to you and the rest of the Crows, but a month to the day you brought the cat home, you tiptoed into Kaz’s office and watched him work, the scarred cat curled up on a pile of files next to his right elbow.
“I know you’re there” Kaz called quietly, not moving to see you.
He reached out a gloved hand and gently stroked down the mottled cat’s furry back. Cat Kaz purred and preened, pressing his tatty head into that hand.
“You utter one word to Jesper, and you’ll be sleeping at Fifth Harbour with the other reprobates” Kaz said calmly.
You wandered into the room then, turning to lean with your hands against his heavy desk.
“But what would you do in the night without me?” you asked, replacing his hand in patting Cat Kaz.
He glanced up at you then, the smallest of smiles twisting his lips.
“Oh, I think I’ll manage, love.”
Please tell me how it is! Comments and reblogs are fodder for writers!
#kaz brekker#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x female reader#liss writes#shadow and bone fic#six of crows#soc fic
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can’t shake the devil sitting on your shoulder - kaz brekker x reader
Kaz doesn't remember when you got so good with a gun.
He knows for sure that at one point you weren't, that at one point you asked Jesper for help in exchange for some kruge to gamble away, but those days were long gone. Now you handled your guns like they were an extension of yourself- not quite as proficient as Jesper, but no one was as good as Jesper.
Knives too, now that he thought about it. You hadn't taken to them as quickly as you had taken to guns, but you knew your way around them, knew where to aim to cause the most damage.
It's late one night when you walk into the closed Crow Club, skin stained and hair matted with blood.
It's Jesper sitting at the bar who first sees you, doing a double-take.
“Saints alive, what happened? Are you okay?” He asked, practically jumping out of his seat and striding towards you. “Let me get Nina, or-”
“I'm fine, Jes. The other guys look worse.” You said tiredly, reaching up to rub your eyes, before looking at the blood caked on your hands and thinking better of it.
“Who... what happened to you?” Kaz said, his eyes narrowing as he walked out of his office. “Who did this to you.”
“I took care of it. Barely any of this is mine.”
A sliver of pride welled in Kaz, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
“Good.” The word tastes like metal in his mouth and he hates the slight nod you give to him, acknowledging and accepting the praise.
The first time you killed someone, you threw up. It was easier the second time and by the tenth time, you had stopped flinching at the sound of the gun firing altogether.
Jesper ignored Kaz's remark, rolling his eyes.
“Do you need Nina?”
You shook your head.
“Not unless she has suddenly become a Tidemaker. It's going to be a pain to clean all of this off.”
“I'll get her anyways, just in case.” He said. “You might be running on adrenaline still.”
You know that you aren't, know what adrenaline feels like and know that it wore off as soon as you were inside the Crow Club, your whole body tired.
You smile thankfully at him anyways, the dried blood on your face cracking at the motion.
He returned it before heading to the back, not paying Kaz any attention as he brushed past.
Your eyes followed him until he was out of sight- then, your gaze landed on Kaz.
He was already looking at you, blue eyes narrowed in thought.
“You look like you have something to say.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“Have you ever known me to hold my tongue?”
“No.”
“There's your answer.”
Neither of you said anything for a couple seconds, hoping that Jesper and Nina would interject themselves.
And maybe it's because you're tired and you're not thinking clearly, but you can't help but push.
“It's just that you keep looking at me like you have something to say.”
“I won't make the mistake of looking at you, then.” He snapped.
“What a terrible mistake.” You replied and his eyes flitted back to you.
You used to be scared of him at some point. And then you learned how to shoot a gun and handle knives and standing there, covered in blood, there is no more fear in your eyes.
You are the thing you used to be afraid of.
He swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth.
“You used to talk about getting out of Ketterdam. Do you remember that?”
The fight left your eyes for a couple moments, because you did want that, at one point.
You can't pinpoint when you stopped wanting it, the point where you would sometimes catch glimpses of yourself in the mirror and think it was a stranger.
You loved Kaz at some point as well, thought that love alone would be enough to save him.
“No one ever really leaves this place.”
“You thought otherwise.”
“And I was wrong, like you told me I would be.”
He wants to tell you that he wishes that he wasn't right, just this once.
He wishes that the only knives you had to use were for cooking, that you were out of practice with a gun, that you never had to see this much blood, much less be coated in it.
He wishes that love was enough for him too.
#kaz brekker#kaz brekker imagine#kaz brekker x reader#six of crows imagines#six of crows imagine#six of crows#six of crows x reader#shadow and bone x reader#shadow and bone imagine#shadow and bone
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Would've, Could've, Should've...
Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/Darkling x heartrender! Kaz Brekker's sister! reader
Summary: Your life would have been completely different if it wasn't for Aleksander. You regret meeting him... but saints only know that he is the one who can make you feel this way...
Warning(s): angst, death, blood, violence, manipulation, falling in love with the wrong person, toxic love, Aleksander is a little manipulator and the reader enters his web, the reader rebels, they love and hate each other, kind of dark! reader?
Inspired by "Would've, Could've, Should've" - Taylor Swift
SPECIAL FOR 10K LIKES AND 500 FOLOWERS 💙🖤 Thank you once again!!
Words count: 11,6k+
Taglist: @aoi-targaryen @morrigan-crowmwell
~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~
If you would've blinked then I would've
Looked away at the first glance
If you tasted poison, you could've
Spit me out at the first chance
You were a thief and a paid killer. In Ketterdam you were known as the sister of Dirtyhand, Dreg's second bastard. But that was before you met him... or before you were commissioned to kill him.
You were in a bind then, a messed-up situation. Your elder brother, Jordie, died, and your younger brother, Kaz, was your dependent. You both had to work hard to earn money for food and a dry (but often cold) place to sleep.
That's why you packed up. You left your brother with the promise to return and provide him with a place to stay while you were away. You exchanged as many letters with him as you could. You learned that he was doing well in Ketterdam, slowly becoming the head of one of the most important gangs. You helped him build his "empire" as much as you could, travelling around the world and making money by killing your targets.
But everything went to hell and your life changed completely on the night of a winter fete in Ravka.
You had a very simple task.
Disguised as a servant, you were to deliver the glass with poison to the Darkling, mingle with the other servants, and leave. None of the nobles ever paid attention to the service. Especially when you cover your face with makeup, making it look so dull and ordinary that no one will remember it.
But Darkling was different... you were supposed to find out about it soon.
Everything was going well. You walked over to him and handed him a poison glass, avoiding eye contact with him. But as you walked away, glancing discreetly to see if he raised his glass to his lips, you noticed he gave you a second glance.
You shivered.
He stared at you intently without even blinking. You felt mesmerized under his gaze, like you couldn't take your eyes off him even if you tried... but you didn't even want to try to save yourself from the gaze of his dark eyes.
And just as he was about to raise the cup to his lips, a commotion ensued around you. One of the paid hitmen you worked with has been identified.
The general threw down his glass and gave chase to the hitman. You took this opportunity to run out of the ballroom unnoticed.
You were lucky the general didn't drink the poison after all. If he did, it would be harder for you to leave Ravka and go back to your brother, since you all got disclosed.
In retrospect, you'd rather he'd drank that poison... maybe he'd have gotten rid of you at that first night.
If I was some paint, did it splatter
On a promising grown man?
And if I was a child, did it matter
If you got to wash your hands?
You ran through the corridors until you bumped into one of the people who worked with you. You were breathing heavily from running from the pursuers of the First and Second Army.
"These Grishas dogs are everywhere. They caught Kostrov. We have to get the fuck out of here before their crazy Black General catches us too."
"Kostrov is caught? Shit. He'll turn us in before we leave the walls of this damn palace." you knew very well that if that was true, it was only a matter of time before the man revealed your hiding places. You must run away from there. And as soon as possible.
The voices of the soldiers and their quick steps rumble around you.
"Please tell me you have a plan."
"I always have a plan." you answer confidently and take her by a hand. You lead her through the corridors of the Little Palace until you are outside.
You are heading towards the exit gate when Grishas suddenly appear in front of you. You both stop, looking uncertainly in their direction. Fortunately for you, your disguise makes them a little less suspicious.
"You, get back to the Grand Palace. It's not safe here, servant." they said to you. "You're coming with us." they say, taking your co-worker by the hand.
They drag her towards the Little Palace, but she doesn't give up that easily. She breaks free from their grip, hugs you from behind and puts a dagger to your throat.
"One step closer and I'll kill her." Grishas' joined hands, ready to use a small science. You feel her dagger pierce your neck gently. Blood drips onto your collarbone just like the drops of your sweat. From this position, you can practically feel both her and your heart racing.
"What are you doing?" you whisper, angry at her.
"We'll both get out of here, or no one does." she growls furiously in your ear, backing away slowly. The dagger digs deeper into your skin as she realises there may be no way out of this situation.
You let out a loud scream, and suddenly her grip on you loosens. She falls dead to the ground, and you are right next to her. You press your hand against your throat and try to stop the bleeding. Your eyes study her lifeless body intently.
There are no injuries. No blood. No wound. One of the heartrenders must have stopped her heart.
You look around at the Grishas who are now coming towards you, and in a panic, you realise that there is not a single red kefta among them...
If it wasn't one of them then...
You shake as an unlikely thought comes to your mind, and the world slowly begins to blur into blurs as you feel the blood flow more freely from your neck and seep into your clothes. The dull, thumping beats buzz in your head, making it even more difficult for you to remain conscious.
Black material flashes before your eyes. You feel someone's strong arms lift you up. And before you completely lose your consciousness, you can feel HIS heart pumping warm blood rapidly. Yours is getting slower and slower.
And you wish you had died in his arms right then, before it all started...
A few hours later, you wake up in the Little Palace infirmary. You find out that you are a heartrender, and with your scream, you knocked down not only the woman who worked with you on this assignment (luckily no one knows about your identity and what you were really doing in the palace), but also the Grishas who caught you both (for the second time, the saints took watch over you, so you only knocked them unconscious for a moment).
Ah, and the Black General brought you here himself… the day like others.
Ooh, oh
All I used to do was pray
Would've, could've, should've
If you'd never looked my way
I would've stayed
On my knees
You were kneeling in the chapel. The stained-glass windows and images of saints gave you a kind of solace in a strange way.
You often prayed to the saints. Even though there weren't many believers in Ketterdam in anything but profit and money.
You believed that they were somehow listening to the prayers of the people on earth… you just didn't know why they chose to so painfully ignore the cries for help for the lifes of your family.
You clutched a letter from Kaz in your hand. The tears had long since stopped falling from your eyes and had already dried on your face. After all, how many hours could you cry while sitting on one of the pew?
You didn't want to leave him like this. He was your little brother, and you loved him more than anything. Yet he threw it in your face for choosing your own comfort over his well-being. That you wanted to join the ranks of saints, forgetting who you were and leaving behind your past.
As if staying in the Little Palace was your choice.
You were thrown into the role of Grisha. You didn't even know how to control it... yet you were able to hold back thousands of hearts without any training or learning about small science.
You were capable of much more than an ordinary heartrender. You could manipulate the blood. Move people at your will, controlling the movement of blood through their veins and into their muscles, manipulating people's bodies to your will.
And you found out all this in just a few weeks.
You closed your eyes and rested your forehead on your joined hands. You were tired. Tired of being forced to accept a life you never wanted. You were a thief and a paid killer. Not any Grisha.
In the distance to your right, you heard a faint heartbeat. You sighed. Another bonus of discovering your powers. The sounds of the hearts of people around you overwhelmed you to the point that you had to hide in some secluded place to get rid of the pounding in your ears.
It sucked. And the man who was responsible for your miserable situation was standing right next to you now.
"I wouldn't take you for someone who prays to saints." his whisper echoed throughout the chapel. You turned your gaze away from him. You started looking at the stained glass windows in front of you.
"Maybe I just admire art, general."
"On your knees, with your hands together?" he asks sarcastically. You ignore the intense look of his dark eyes on you. He sighs, sitting on the pew next to you. "And it is Aleksander. I've told you many times."
"Shouldn't you be planning a war or something like that?" you huff, earning a small chuckle from him at your annoyance.
At first, you were afraid of this terrible, Black General of the Second Army. Over time, however, you allowed yourself to be more impertinent towards him. (When pretending to be an obedient Grisha irritated you to no end, you got into a fight and ended up in his war room while he was scolding you. You guess that you fascinated him not only with your powers then.)
"Shouldn't you get enough sleep for training with Baghra?" you groan in despair at his words. Baghra... another reason to run away from this place as fast as you can.
You get up from your knees and sit on the pew next to him. Kaz's letter tucked safely in the sleeve of your kefta, but you wonder how long it will be before he notices the unusual stiffness in your left arm.
"I'm not going there. This woman will kill me one day and tell everyone that it was my own incompetence that did it." his soft chuckle definitely shouldn't make your heart beat faster. You were glad he didn't have powers like yours to find out about this embarrassing fact. "I'm also a little concerned about you knowing my timetable." you say, actually suspecting that the general's good intentions are based on something completely different than your well-being. You still didn't know how you sold him the story about how the orphan from Ketterdam managed to become a servant for Ravka's royal family and didn't pass a single test during her stay in the Grand Palace.
"I care about every Grishas. Some require my attention more than others." He says, shifting his gaze to the stained glass window you were staring at.
Sankta Ursula of the Waves
"You can mock all you want, but I believe in them. You have to believe in something if you want to survive in Ketterdam."
He trembles slightly. He thinks you haven't noticed, but you have. He clears his throat and looks down from the image of a Sankta to look at something else in the chapel.
"Why you pray to her?" he asks, and you, not knowing the importance of this question at the time, shrug and simply say the truth.
"My brother crossed part of the sea alone when he was only 10 years old. If not thanks to the saint's help, I don't know how he survived…" you tell him.
You don't know why, but he has such an aura around him that you just WANT to tell him everything. It was easy to trust him enough to share some of your secrets... After all, everything that's in the shadows is safely kept from the world, right?
And in those dark eyes and that mysterious, confident smirk you could get lost so damn easily…
If you knew better, you would have tried to push him away from you instead of spending nights with him in the chapel, talking about your past or when he "accidentally" joined you, or in the palace garden when he "accidentally" wanted to walk around the lake in the moonlight. You have unknowingly let him to direct you straight to his intricately woven spider web.
And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil
At nineteen, and the god's honest truth is that the pain was heaven
Genya has provided you with a wonderful kefta. However, its red was different from the others, Corporalki. It was more bloody, wine-like, and so dark that one could say it was mixed with black.
Aleksander said he needed to recognise his best heartrender, and this kefta, too fanciful for your taste, was supposed to be a symbol of your importance to the Second Army. As if the ridiculous amount of black thread he had ordered to use to decorate it wasn't enough of a sign that the Black General favoured you over his other soldiers.
It was one of many celebrations in the Grand Palace. However, on this occasion, the Tsar and Tsaritsa decided to invite the Grishas as well... or rather, have them entertain a crowd of self-righteous nobility on the occasion of the anniversary of the Ravka uprising.
You weren't a Ravkan. You weren't interested in some artificial celebration, but the general almost forced you to come to this stupid holiday with others... at least you could drink wine secretly with Genya and Fedyor.
You felt the blood flowing freely through your body as you danced with some other Grishas. You laughed carelessly for the first time in a long time and let yourself spin around as the handsome blonde held you in his arms.
The others' heartbeats hummed softly in your ears as you allowed yourself to let go of control a little. The orchestra's music effectively allows you to drown out the sound your powers have picked up.
Being so distracted, you didn't even notice when Grisha leaned closer to you and started whispering something in your ear. You laughed at the ridiculousness of his flirtatious offer and were about to reject him when suddenly an arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you into a strong chest.
As soon as the familiar smell of burning wood and musk mixed with kvass enveloped you, you relaxed. Suddenly, the possessive, too-tight grip on your waist where his large hand was pressing against your stomach and holding his breasts too close to be appropriate didn't bother you as much.
And if, instead of inhaling his scent and perfume like some drug and getting high on it, you saw the death glare he was sending towards the guy who was only flirting with you, maybe you would understand that it was better to run away from him as far as possible instead of melting into the soft fabric of his black kefta and appreciating his muscles you felt through it.
But you couldn't think of anything else but how lucky you were that your summer keftas were so thin.
“I'm going to steal Miss Y/F(ake)/L/N for a while." he says as if he has every right to you. But you are too intoxicated (both by his close presence and the wine you drank) to notice that something is wrong.
And instead of yelling at him like you should have, showing him that you weren't a thing he could take whenever he wanted, you blushed as he turned you towards him and gave you that damned, dangerous smirk that made many Grishas women swoon.
"You looked like you needed saving." he whispers into your ear, gently touching his bearded cheek to yours.
You bit your lip, looking at him as he pulled away from you, perfectly playing the role of gentleman and your fucking knight on a black horse. Too perfect for you to notice then...
"Thank you, general, for caring so much about an ordinary heartrender like me." you tease him as he leads you in a dance.
"My best heartrender." he replies, running his hand down your back, making you shiver. He suddenly dipped you down, forcing you to lean on his hands and trust that he won't let you fall on the floor. You were so close in his arms that you felt every breath he takes matching yours.
Out of the corner of your eye, you see Grishas whispering about you, but you don't care. Not while you have him with you, not while he's looking at you with such curiosity and admiration that you feel like you're the only damn person in the room. And you see his eyes linger longer on the black stitched decorations of your kefta on your waist and chest.
"Be careful, Ivan will be jealous." you tease, giving him one of your prettiest teasing smiles, and you almost hold your breath, seeing a hint of something akin to lust in his eyes, as dark as his shadows.
"He has his Fedyor." he replies, pulling you slightly closer to him, and you know he can feel your rapidly beating heart.
He was dangerous—everything you should avoid—something that young and naive girls were warned about. But you were drawn to him like a moth to a flame. And the fact that such a special, powerful man like him was interested in the thief and killer from Ketterdam like you made you unable to push him away.
You liked his attention. The way he touched your cheek tenderly as he brushed the hair from your face after riding with him. The way he sought your presence and the way he showed up at unexpected moments when you really needed someone. The way he gently grabbed your hand, amplifying your already formidable powers so you could practice bigger, more impressive things with him than with Baghra.
He made you felt special, chosen. And with every single second you spend with him, you wanted more from him…
He left you with the tingling feeling of his lips on your hand after thanking you for dancing. He walked away from you, giving you a second glance and a wink. And then you knew he would be your death...
And now that I'm grown
I'm scared of ghosts
Memories feel like weapons
And now that I know
I wish you'd left me wondering
"I do not like winter." you say, sitting in one of his armchairs in the war room, warming your hands by the fireplace.
Baghra forced you to train outside, and the cold ingrained itself into your bones. You tried in vain to warm yourself up using your power. The old witch, seeing your incompetence, only let you go when your lips turned blue enough from the cold. And Aleksander was bustling around you now, wrapping an absurd amount of blankets around you and making tea for the two of you.
"Why is that?" he asks, placing the warm mug in your cold hands. You smile gratefully and take a sip, deciding that he did it perfectly, just as you loved it. Which, by the way, wasn't so strange, knowing how many sleepless nights you spent in that chair talking with him.
"My brothers once took me to a frozen lake to go ice skating. I fell into an ice hole, almost froze to death, and got a terrible cold. My mother said that I miraculously escaped death. My parents spent all their money on doctors and medicines for me. And as a result, my brothers and I were strictly forbidden to go out without her supervision. As you might expect, they weren't very grateful to me for this."
You see him swallow and stare into his cup in silence. You don't miss his tense shoulders and the frown on his forehead as he mentions something—something very bad, judging by the pale knuckles of his hands as they grip the cup tightly.
You slowly get up and put your mug on the table. You walk up to him and kneel in front of him. You take the cup from his hands before it breaks under his force, and you slow down his rapidly beating heart with your power to calm him down a bit.
The touch of your soft, gentle hands on his brings him back to reality. His dark eyes stare at you with great intensity, assessing and wondering something deeply as he pierces your very soul.
"I fell into the freezing lake too." he finally says, lowering his gaze to your joined hands. He plays with your fingers and draws patterns with his fingertips on your palm as he weighs his words, not looking at you, as if he might break down under your compassionate pattern. "I was 13 years old… two other children, my dearest friends, attempted to drown me in that freezing lake."
A cold chill runs through your body. You unconsciously squeeze his hands, trying to catch his gaze.
"Why?" you whisper, shakily, imagining that cruel moment.
He doesn't say anything. He lifts his head and looks at you, and he finds something in your gaze that makes him decide to stare hopingly into your eyes with his dark irises that reflect the glow of the fire in the fireplace for a while.
He sighs, closing his eyes, and suddenly you feel your hands tingle where your skin meets his. And it's not the usual feeling that washes over you every time you're in his intoxicating presence.
NO.
It was something bigger, more powerful, and much more addictive than anything, than Darkling himself was already to you.
"Use your power. Listen to the heartbeat." he whispers his command quietly, completely unlike the way he expresses his orders. And if you opened your eyes, you would see him staring at you intently, watching the reaction on your face.
And then you hear it. Thousands of heartbeats, you feel every flow of blood in the bodies of thousands of people present from the Little and Greate Palace, even throughout the whole capital.
Overwhelmed by so much power, you let go of his hands and breathe heavily, still feeling the blood rushing through your veins and that warm tingle spreading throughout you.
"What... what the hell was that?" you ask him in shock, trying to catch your breath. "How... how did you..."
"You know what an amplifier is, right?" he asks, sliding out of his chair and kneeling in front of you.
He reaches up and slowly tucks your hair behind your ear. You flinch at first at his touch, and he freezes, but you quickly nuzzle into his hand when you notice that you no longer feel as much power emanating from him to you as you did with his earlier touch.
"Yes, but..." you freeze, realising what he's implying. The impossibility of it all only stuns you for a moment. But so many impossible things have already happened in your life that, in the end, this little piece of information doesn't make that much of an impression on you. But you can't say the same about what you found out... about what he must have gone through in his childhood. They practically hunted him like those animals that enhanced Grishas' abilities. "Oh, Aleksander." you whisper and lunge at him to hug him tightly to you.
And by the short sigh he let out as he buried his face in your hair, and by the way it took him a moment to undoubtedly return your strong, tender hug, you knew that this wasn't what he expected, that this wasn't the kind of reaction he was used to seeing.
If only you knew back then that he would start using his memories more often as a weapon in the fight for your feelings, your affection, your forgiveness, and your compassion, then you would rather he left you in the dark, for him to never start sharing THE REAL parts of him with you.
If you never touched me, I would've
Gone along with the righteous
If I never blushed then they could've
Never whispered about this
And if you never saved me from boredom
I could've gone on as I was
Ravka's love day celebrations are… more successful than you would like to admit.
You went to breakfast, convinced that you would spend today's day off alone, locked in your room or gossiping with Genya about anything other than the romantic, tense atmosphere in the palace.
You were wrong.
It started with you being presented with various flowers from various Grishas along the way, asking if you would spend the evening with them. And they were various proposals. Dinner, a walk in the palace gardens, a horse ride, even spending the night with them (which you found disgusting).
You entered the dining hall and sat down in your usual seat, responding to Fedyor's teasing as you placed a bouquet of all the flowers you were given on the table next to you.
"You don't want to take them from me? Ivan would be happy." you try to shush him but he just laughs more.
"Better tell me which ones are from the general." he teases you, picking up one of the flowers and hitting your shoulder with it.
You tense up and blush slightly. You make sure to mask the beating of your racing heart so that Fedyor can't use it as a clue to your true feelings for the General, which have developed over the months you've spent in the Little Palace.
"None. And it better stay that way. As if all these women didn't look at me with hatred anyway. Can you believe that for all these flowers, no one brought me my favorites? Or any sweets?" you complain jokingly, digging into your food and trying to act as if you were unimpressed by his comment.
"And what are your favorites?" he asks casually, also starting to eat his food. You answer him and then suddenly someone sits next to you. Inferni - Luke, the one you danced with at one of the events and your faithful library buddy, gives you a shy smile.
"Are you doing anything tonight?" he asks, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck.
You feel Fedyor's eyes on you, but you try to ignore him. The heartrender flies away, leaving the two of you alone. You don't know how to answer Luke. He was that classic nice, funny guy that any woman would kill for attention. And probably, if your life were different, you would gladly accept his invitation and reciprocate his shy flirtation.
But you can't and don't want to do it. You don't feel an ounce about Luke what you feel about a certain dark-haired man in a black kefta. And when Inferni's hand connects with yours, you mentally compare the feeling to the tingling excitement that the mere look of Aleksander's dark eyes stirs within you.
Fortunately, you're not the one who has to answer. A grunt from the two of you makes Luke let go of your hand. You both stare at your general, who stands with his hands clasped behind his back. He approaches you slowly and catches your gaze with his dark irises before looking at the Inferni sitting next to you.
"Unfortunately, Miss Y/F/N will be busy tonight." he replies, not even trying to hide from you the silent, unspoken threat he sends with his gaze towards the boy who tired to ask you out.
Luke nods and leaves with a quiet: "Yes, General."
Alexander looks at you, and for a moment, that's all you do. And if you were a little more careful, less blinded by your fascination with this dangerous man who, for some reason, puts you at the centre of his universe, you would try to get away from him as far as possible.
But you are not.
He offers you his hand, patiently waiting to see if you take it or reject it. But you both then know that you are too deeply enchanted by his intoxicating appearance, too mesmerised by the sound of his voice, and too hungry for his touch to allow yourself to lose his attention for even a moment.
So you gently placed your hand on his. He wraps it in a safe hug and helps you up. He pulls you a little closer to him so that the materials of your keftas rub against each other. And the overwhelming amount of black embroidery on it practically hides the red material underneath, matching perfectly to the general's black kefta. This obvious match only now seems trivially obvious to you.
And if the Grishas had any doubt that you belonged to the Dark General, the fact that he pulled out your favourite flowers from behind his back and handed them to you with a small, charmed smirk as you took them from him and buried your nose in the petals told them so quite clearly.
In that moment, you too realised how deeply you felt for this man.
That's why, when he leans towards you, his bearded cheek brushing yours, flushed from the overwhelming feeling that overwhelms you in his close presence, you don't object when he whispers in your ear:
“I'm about to kidnap you for tonight.”
The rational part of you screams at you that this is a bad sign, that he is saying it with too much confidence and hunger in his eyes to be considered mere flirtation and not an act of pure possession and dominance.
But you don't listen.
You don't want to listen.
You want to drown in those dark brown irises, be consumed by his darkness, if it meant that for the rest of your life he would look at you as the only person he wanted.You want to finally feel wanted. Needed. Chosen. The one and only.
And the fact that it was this most powerful Grisha who made you feel this way only fueled your desires more and blinded everything your mind was screaming to your deaf heart. A heart that was deaf to everything that wasn't HIM.
"I can't wait." you whisper back.
And you know, by the way he nods at you and walks away with his usual confidence, the twinkle of victory in his eyes, and the huge, satisfied smile when he realises you're watching him closely until he's out of your sight, that you are gone for good and there is no going back to who you were. That he has clawed his way into your soul too deeply to ever try to deny it.
But lord, you made me feel important
And then you tried to erase us
This is one of the best nights of your life.
You knew this from the moment you climbed with him to the highest tower in the Little Palace, which was used to teach little Grishas astronomy lessons.
He laid down with you on the blankets and pillows he had prepared, especially for this occasion, and let you lean against his chest as you both gazed at the stars. You, safely wrapped in his arms and blankets, listened to his slightly accelerated heartbeat as if it were the sweetest music you had ever heard. And the fact that he rested his chin on top of your head, occasionally whispering something in your ear about the constellations in front of you, quickly became by far your favourite place in the world.
"For a long time I only slept under the stars. My mother and I always had to be on the run. We couldn't find a permanent place. People would try to kill the Darkling's son as soon as they found out about my existence."
You lift your joined hands and press a kiss to his as you continue to listen to him. You feel shivers run through his body. You learned, with the time you spend with him, that he was completely unaccustomed to the tender touch of another.
"They were my only solace in the darkness."
"Were you afraid of her? And your shadows?" you ask, turning in his arms to look at him properly. He shifts his gaze from the night sky above you to you and disentangles one of his hands from your grasp to caress your cheek tenderly.
"A bit. I couldn't control them then... they were... unpredictable. My mother used to mock me and say that I was no summoner if I allowed my own power to rule me."
"Aleksander." you whisper, tears in your eyes as you see the pain written all over his face. It was there every time he mentioned that cruel woman. You hold one of his hands tightly and say, with all your conviction and unwavering faith in this man, "You are the strongest person I know. You've been through so much... I'm probably not even aware of half of it yet, and yet, look where you are and what you have achieved. There has never been and never will be a better Darkling than you. You are caring and attentive; you take care of your people, and the Grishas under your rule are better than ever."
He stares at you, frowning halfway through your speech, and something like guilt shines in his eyes as tears begin to form.
You don't know it yet, then.
You don't know why he feels guilty. You don't know why he shivers as you lean into him to press your lips together in your first kiss. You don't know why his hands are shaking as he cups your cheeks. You don't know why, as you try to undo the buttons on his kefta, his hands suddenly stop yours. You don't know why he pulls away after a moment, whispering something under his breath as he practically runs away from you.
All you know for sure is his heart beating madly as he disappears from your sight and the tingling of your lips after the kiss the two of you shared a moment ago.
He hasn't come near you since that night. In fact, you feel like he's trying to avoid you at all costs. And in hindsight, you curse yourself for not taking the hint. That you didn't move away when he tried to make it easier for you.
But you were too stubborn, too longing for his presence floating around you like his shadows, to simply give up and do what's best for you. So you knock on his chambers in the middle of the night, and when he opens the door, you both know you're too far in all of this to try to ignore an attraction between you—this ache in your chest after not seeing each other for weeks.
You don't know who kisses who first. Or when he pulls you towards him and closes the door behind you to pin himself against it. You have no idea who took the other's kefta off first or when you found yourself in his bed as he tried to kiss every part of you. You know you feel safe, warm, loved, and at home. And it's a feeling you haven't felt in a very long time. And so did he. That's why you get lost in each other, completely disregarding the fact that, in the end, you would probably both tear each other's hearts out.
Oh, you're a crisis of my faith
Would've, could've, should've
If I'd only played it safe
He finds you kneeling by his fireplace as you slowly burn letter after letter you wrote to Kaz that he sent back to you. The bastard didn't even open it.
It's been a long time since you kneeled before anything other than him. Your faith in the saints was crumbling with each passing month in the ranks of the Second Army. If the saints were so powerful, why did they continue to allow Grishas to be treated worse than dogs?
You didn't understand it. And the next bottle of Aleksander's kvas that you opened only confirmed your belief that the saints sucked, your brother was an ungrateful scoundrel, and your boyfriend was the only good thing that happened to you. Boyfriend… it felt weird for you to call him that, but you had no other idea in your half-drunk state.
You put another letter into the fire when you suddenly feel a pair of arms wrap around you, pulling you into his strong chest. You sigh, appreciating his scent and the warmth that emanates from him. His shadows slowly wrap around the two of you as you both kneel in front of the fireplace and the burning letters to your brother.
"Are you playing Inferni?" he asks teasingly as his hands go to the bottle of kvas you're holding, and he takes a sip from it.
"Possible. Did you have to grovel before the king again to get money for Grishas for uniforms, training, and food? Which should actually be his fucking duty to provide this for the soldiers who are bleeding for him and other royal snobs on the Fjerdan border.”
"Possible. Don't say it out loud or elsewhere. I don't want to see that pretty ass through the bars in the dungeon."
"We both know you'd save that ass and drag it back to your bed." you both giggle like fools. You lean more into him and sigh satisfied when he starts running through your hair, playing with it.
"Possible. Very much. Who deserves your hatred?" he asks curiously as you throw another letter into the fire. "Be careful not to set fire to my chambers. I have some nice, matching keftas here for the two of us."
"I'm glad you find it amusing that my brother is a dick." you complain a little, wondering what keftas he's referring to besides the ones you're currently wearing.
He insisted that you have at least one all-black one with red embroidery. Of course you agreed. You wanted people to know you were his.
"He didn't respond?" he asks, snapping you out of your thoughts. You take his hand in yours and start drawing patterns on it with your finger. You cling to his claw-like ring and play with it for a while, spinning it around his finger.
"He actually did. He write a big 'Fuck you' at the back of one." you say thoughtfully as you shift your gaze to the letters burning in the fireplace. Maybe it was actually better to stop trying to establish contact with him for a moment and give him space to think?
"Don't think about him. You don't need him." he says, nuzzling your temple with his nose. You frown and turn your head to look at him.
"He is my brother... that's a bound that never die." you speak strongly, convinced that you are right.
The determination in your eyes makes him fall silent, staring at you as he thinks about something, or maybe someone, as he mindlessly plays with your fingers—a nervous habit he showed every time he held you against him and he thought about his past. In moments like these, you just wanted to kiss the sadness and pain from his face.
"Maybe." he finally whispers back, lost in thought. Suddenly, he shakes his head slightly and flashes back to you from his memories. "Maybe it is better for him like that? To only care about himself. To show that he is not emotionally connected to anyone. Maybe he is trying to keep you safe?"
"Why live without love? Without someone close to you who waits for you and cares for you? Who believes in you? Who would have your back at your worst and when you need a rescue?"
"Sometimes people have no choice. It's safer to live alone. To care only about yourself. You know that your actions won't hurt anyone, and if they do, it will only hurt you."
"I would rather live one life in the arms of my love than hundreds of them all alone and in meaningless glory."
He tenses, but his grip doesn't loosen around you. If anything, he grows stronger, as if he's clinging to you to make sure you don't go anywhere further than his arms reach.
He kisses your temple and pulls you in so that you're straddling his lap. He strokes your neck and collarbone gently, and after a long, tender kiss, he whispers into your lips:
"I need to get out and visit a few camps near the fold. Come with me… I need to keep an eye on you to make sure you stay in these arms of mine as long as possible." he teases you, but you know his question-order has more meaning than he is willing to admit.
For the first time, neither of you are alone. You have someone to come back to at night, someone to talk to about your problems, someone to hold in your arms. And it's both a pleasurable and addictive feeling for the two of you.
I would've stayed on my knees
And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil
At nineteen, and the god's honest truth is that the pain was heaven
And now that I'm grown
I'm scared of ghosts
Memories feel like weapons
And now that I know
I wish you'd left me wondering
Sun Summoner. Saint Alina. Ravka's Savior.
The girl received more titles and merits, more hope placed in her than many saints to whom you prayed. You would feel sorry for her if she didn't completely rob you of YOUR Aleksander.
And you would endure it. Really. If only that little saint hadn't accidentally blurted out his name at dinner while she was talking to you.
And that's why you stood crying in your... his chambers. You were packing instead of getting ready for the winter fiesta celebrations, fully ready to mend your broken heart on the borders of Ravka, preferably in some camp near Fjerda, so that you could vent the anger, despair, and disappointment boiling inside of you to them.
Although you preferred to keep the heart of a certain little saint rather than some Fjerdan or Drüskell, and to be honest, that desire scared you.
Kaz was right. You chose comfort. You could have tried to escape from the Darkling better and put more effort into your escape plans instead of letting yourself be slandered by that damn bastard who gave that sunny whore a kefta in HIS colour after a WEEK. You waited fucking months for him to give you the black kefta you wanted, which was now hanging in his closet, abandoned like a rag.
In your anger, you packed your things blindly, oblivious to your surroundings. That's why you flinched when suddenly HIS hands gently held your arms, preventing you from packing any further.
You don't turn to face him. You don't make a move, waiting for him to say something as you listen to his heartbeat.
"Where are you going?" he asks, but you know he's only doing it to analyse his next move, to come up with a reason in his head why you'd want to leave him, and he's trying to quickly come up with a plan to talk you out of it.
You may not have known what a son-of-a-bitch he was, but at least you knew him almost as well as you knew yourself.
"On a vacation." you huff and shake his arms off of you. You close your leather suitcase with a bang and turn to face him. He notices that you're wearing your red kefta—the first one that clearly wasn't trimmed with a ridiculous amount of black embroidery typical of heartrenders.
"Y/N..." he sighs and reaches for you, but you pull away from him before his hands land on you and your traitorous body succumbs to his familiar touch.
"Don't. Don't even start it. I know what you are going say all to well."
"What are you talking about?" he asks, frowning at you. You look away from him and sit on his bed as you tie your travelling shoes and make sure you have your daggers hidden in them.
"Oh, you know. That typical 'It's not you, it's me' talk. And the classic 'I don't feel the same about you anymore. And it's my fault, not yours.' Just spare us this crap and let me go somewhere where I don't have to watch you cling to that sunny bitch."
In an instant, he's on his knees in front of you, clutching your hands in his. You know that looking into his damn hypnotic eyes will ruin you, but you're too weak to resist him.
"I admit... I've been busy with the Sun Summoner lately... but she's not the one I return to every night. She's not the one I think about every free moment; she's not the one I want to hold in my arms..."
"But she's the one who got the kefta in your colours from you. She's the one who learned your name before I did. The one you trusted right away when I had to earn your trust every fucking week here. She's your equal. Your goddamn complement. I won't stand in the way of your great, epic love and play the role of the other woman, only because you get used to having me around." you say mad and push his hands away from you.
And instead of letting you go and making the one damn right choice in your life, he stands up and traps you in the tight embrace of his arms and shadows.
You scream, squirm, and try to struggle out of his strong arms, even going so far as to pathetically punch his chest with your fists, but weakly enough that it seems more like a frantic act of your despair and hurt than an actual attempt. hurting him.
You scream, squirm, and try to struggle out of his strong arms, even going so far as to pathetically punch his chest with your fists, but weakly enough that it seems more like a frantic act of your despair and hurt than an actual attempt to harm him.
“Milaya, moye serdtse… (Sweet girl, my heart.)” he whispers in your ear, his hands caressing your back tenderly as you tremble against him. "You are the only light of my life. Moi sol ye tselai. (My sun and stars.) There is no one else, and there never will be. Alina may be the Sun Summoner, my opposite and complement, but it is YOU who challenges me, you are my EQUAL. It is you that I want to return to every night, you are with me... you are the one I want to always have with me."
And then it feels so romantic and sweet, so right, when he kisses the tears from your face and pulls the ring from his pocket to slide it on your finger after his quiet: "Kei onolich yash, milaya?" and your little, almost unnoticable nod.
It feels so good when he throws your leather suitcase off the bed in one move and lays you on it, worshipping you all night long and assuring you that he is yours and yours alone. You feel loved. Wanted. Chosen above the one and only Sun Summoner.
And in that moment, his warm, soft lips on yours, his cold hands caressing your body heated by him, the shadows floating around you that he accidentally released, and the sound of his pounding heartbeat in your ears were enough for you to forget that he was planning to gain Alina's trust in a nefarious way. It was so easy to explain it to yourself. It was so easy for you to convince yourself that he was a good man. It was definitely easier than admitting the obvious, painful truth.
After all, that was all you two wanted... to never feel lonely and unimportant again.
God rest my soul
I miss who I used to be
The tomb won't close
Stained glass windows in my mind
The fold is dark. Cold. It doesn't resemble Aleksander's shadows at all. Your fiancé is also nothing like the version you knew.
Version. That's exactly what he was showing you.
Another version of him. Another of his hundreds of lives. You were so naive and stupid. He had to handcuff you to the deck of the ship so you could finally understand what he was really like.
And so you found yourself in the front row, watching the Black Heretic widen his fold.
He has the nerve to walk up to you and brush the hair out of your face that has been ruffled by the wind his squallers have summoned. And he does it with such tenderness that you almost believe in the truth of his feelings. Almost. The handcuffs blocking your power and hidden beneath the fabric of your black dress—another one of his sick ways of marking his ownership—are a stark reminder of how he has degraded you and how he has reduced your role to nothing more than a pretty toy on his arm so that he is not alone in his madness.
"Please... I just want to talk." he whispers, his hand never leaving your cheek as he caresses it with his thumb with utmost care.
You don't look at him. You can't anymore. His face is a blatant reminder of your stupidity and naivety. Your greatest weakness and desire - all hidden in the face of a handsome devil in front of you. A Starless Saint you used to pray to in the past...
"I don't care how long it takes you, but in the end, you'll understand and come to accept that there was no other choice. That I'm doing this for us. For you. For all the Grishas." he whispers, placing a kiss on your forehead.
You're shaking. And you curse yourself for doing this, both because you're afraid of him and because his mouth still manages to tear down all the walls you put up because of him around your heart.
"Do not touch me." you snap at him, furious. Trying to at least pretend that you really hated him with every fibre of your being.
This doesn't discourage him. Even the other way around, he pulls you closer to him, tangling his hand in the back of your hair to whisper into your ear:
"I will banish this attitude from you in time, moya tsaritsa." you freeze at his words, realising his true plan—to expand the fold and take over Ravka. He wanted to become a tsar...
"You must be delusional to think for even a second that you will take control over Ravka and put me by your side."
"Isn't that what we promised each other? Stay with each other no matter what? I have seen what you truly are, and I never turned away. I never will." he's trying to convince you, and you know that if it weren't for the numerous lies and half-truths he fed you, you would join him.
You wouldn't care about what he did, what he intended to do, or who he would hurt to fulfil his sick plan that had been hundreds of years in the making. You feel weak and naive like never before. All because of the man, you decided to give your heart and all your devotion.
"I promised this to General Kirigan. Not to the Black Heretic, poisoned by his maniacal beliefs and blinded by the grip of authority and power. No matter how hard you try, you will never have control over anything. Your shadows and pride will be your undoing, Aleksander."
You gasp when he suddenly grabs your jaw roughly, tightening his fingers around your bones and preventing you from saying anything. He glares at you, a combination of betrayal and pain in his dark eyes as he tries to decide what to do with you. And you know that if you were anyone else, he would have used his shadows on you long ago.
And for a moment, you wish that he could finally free you from the suffering, hopelessness, and inner conflict you feel every time you look at his face.
"You shall be right by my side... no matter what you think about me." he promised you, which almost sounds like a threat, and placed a soft kiss on your cheek, near your lips. "You will understand; I know you will... we have all the time we need."
Before you can ask him about the meaning of his words, hell begins to break loose around you.
And you don't know what amazes you more, the fact that Alina is able to resist the bond and summon an incredible amount of light, or the fact that your brother appears next to you, and with the help of some mad hatter with a gun who turns out to be a fabricator, they free you. Kaz and his people take you away from the fold, Aleksander and his Grishas.
You are free.
Only your heart seems to be bleeding, left far behind you in the hands of a man you don't know if he's still alive.
And for the first time in several years, after you have a very emotional conversation with your little brother and after you promise to help the Sun Summoner, you allow yourself to cry quietly in the room they rented in some old inn.
And the worst of it all is that you don't cry for who you were, for the lost years in the Little Palace, or for how Aleksander changed you and transformed you in his image. No. You cry over him because you don't know if you'll ever see that damn bastard again.
And to make matters worse, you find a picture of a Starless Saint in the room. And you know that Aleksander, dead or alive, will haunt you for the rest of your life.
And his engagement ring resting safely on your finger is obvious proof of that.
I regret you all the time
Can't let this go
I fight with you in my sleep
The wound won't close
I keep on waiting for a sign
I regret you all the time
Baghra teaches you how to control and summon shadows.
Yes, Baghra, Aleksander's mother, who apparently turned out to be on your side, teaches you how to control and summon shadows.
During one rather nasty fight with Drüskelles, it turns out you can summon a fucking shadow cut.
And after Aleksander starts haunting you in your dreams and even in broad daylight, just like he does with Alina, you realise that she's not the only one who got an amplifier from him.
And so you found yourself in a library near the village where you were hiding, trying to find any information about Morozova and his amplifiers. And the women sitting across from you weren't much help.
"Why does he haunt her more than he haunts me? Could it have something to do with the fact that the bond between us is falling apart or is less durable than theirs?" Alina asks Baghra. You roll your eyes at her.
"He obviously has other… priorities." the old woman replies, clearly insinuating the motive for these priorities.
"Maybe please stop insinuating such nonsense?" you mumble over your book, trying to read the text.
It didn't help that you were distracted by their conversations and hadn't slept in days, too afraid of meeting him in your dreams. He was all you could think about anyway.
"I'm just stating facts. The boy constantly thinks about you; you think about him. You seek and reach out to each other unconsciously and appear before the other eyes."
"I'm not at all…"
"I wouldn't embarrass myself more if I were you." Kaz says, walking alongside Mal, Inej, and Jasper. Everyone but him is carrying large stacks of books for your wonderful group to look through.
"At least this one has a brain." Baghra comments, insulting everyone at the table. You can see from Kaz's look that he's rather pleased with her comment. "It's better for you that you're a cripple." you huff, amused, seeing Kaz's expression revert to his trademark cold stare. He frowns grumpily as he plops down on the couch next to you.
It was in good enough condition to allow you to lean on it for a while. That's why you took the opportunity and placed your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes for a moment.
"Are you going to meet your geek?" he asks teasingly, and if you didn't know him, you'd think the snarky tone was meant to mock you.
"You better keep an eye on your girlfriend, Kazzle. She's far too good for you," you whisper back to him and smile victoriously, hearing his heart speed up at the mention of Inej.
"Shut up and go to sleep."
You agree and allow yourself to fall asleep for the first time in days, hoping someone will wake you up if Aleksander invades your dreams again.
If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?
Years of tearing down our banners
You and I
Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts
Give me back my girlhood
It was mine first
As soon as you open your eyes, you realise that you are in a different place, somewhere you have never been before. You look around the room and stop in front of the mirror. You shudder as you realise you're wearing the black kefta HE once gave you.
"One day without your annoying presence, is it that much to ask?" you say, turning around after you saw his figure in the mirror.
You shiver, realising that he's much closer than you expected. For a moment, you wish you could pinch yourself to get out of there. It would definitely make life easier for your battered heart.
"You're so successful at avoiding me that I have to take advantage of every opportunity you give me, milaya." he says and takes a step towards you.
You automatically step back, making him clench his fists, keeping them to himself. He sighs and looks at you again, his dark brown eyes scanning your soul, trying, as usual, to find something to convince you to come back to him.
"Please… I just want to talk. You know I would never hurt you." he makes his cute, kicked-up puppy face. Your stupid heart hurts to see him so... broken, but this time your brain is screaming over your heart's pleas for mercy to this man.
"Do you want to talk? Then maybe you can tell me why you put an amplifier in me? Why did you let me summon your shadows?! Why did Grishas have to evacuate from the Little Palace, and why is the king hunting us like Fjerdans and Drüskelles?!" you ask angrily, unconsciously moving closer to him with each sentence you shout at him.
"You can try to make me a monster if it makes you feel better, but I am not your enemy. And you know it. Everything I do, everything I have ever done, I've done for Grishas. And everything I ever do will be for Grishas and for you." he says, as usual, maintaining that damn composure that makes you hate him more. You hate that he pretends he's perfectly fine while you're falling to pieces every day you walk without him by your side.
"Lying. That's all you can do. Lie, manipulate. Tell me, how many gullible girls have you fooled with your beautiful eyes and idealistic talk? How much girlhood have you taken and used for your own benefit?" you ask him, wanting to hurt him, wanting to cause him the same pain he gave you when you found out the truth about him, and your world crumbled around you like a house of cards. Because that's all your life was. Illusion. An illusion created by a man you couldn't hate like he deserved you.
"I've never taken anything you didn't give me willingly."
"I gave you everything just not to lose you. You made me dependent on you; you made life without you seem like cruel torture; you showed me things that I can't even feel with anyone else; you manipulated me so well that I don't feel that I exist without being by your side." you accuse him with tears in your eyes. You're letting them fall freely as you look at his shocked, hurt face. "And every pain you brought me was like fucking heaven. And the worst part of it all is that I would still be your fucking faithful follower and completely surrender my battered soul to you if only you hadn't fucking lied to me."
You let yourself fall apart in front of him. You let him touch you again as he tenderly cups your cheek and pulls your head to his chest. You cry into his kefta, hugging him tightly and digging your fingers into his back as he presses his lips against your head and holds you tightly in his arms.
"I hate you. I hate you." you cry into his chest, inhaling his scent like a drug.
"I will always love you, milaya." he says calmly, but you feel the drops dripping on your hair, and you let yourself believe that they are his own tears as you stand there in each other's arms, clinging desperately to each other.
And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil
At nineteen, and the god's honest truth is that the pain was heaven
And now that I'm grown
I'm scared of ghosts
Memories feel like weapons
And now that I know
I wish you'd left me wondering
Fedyor struggles with Ivan's grip. However, both you and the two heartrenders know that this makes no sense.
The two of you (and Baghra, whose whereabouts you were unaware of) were captured by Aleksander's men. You both actually volunteered. You were supposed to distract attention from the rest of your group of world saviors. Aleksander took the throne as he had predicted. And Ivan now leads you before the new tsar.
You walked through the corridors of the Little Palace, knowing this place all too well by heart, and you wondered if, when Aleksander was building it, he always had in the back of his mind that it would serve as his royal residence in the future. You were actually surprised that his first order wasn't to demolish the Grand Palace.
"Moi tsar." Ivan's voice pulls you from your thoughts. You weren't even aware that you had already reached the throne room.
"Finally. Interrogate the prisoner. Tsaritsa stays here." he says, and you feel his gaze on you, but you don't give him enough satisfaction to grace him with your gaze.
Fedyor swallows. You give him a sympathetic look as he walks away, with Ivan holding him tightly. What can war do to two people in love? You think. At least Fedyor knew how to hate Ivan... not like you.
There's an awkward silence between you for a moment. Only the rustle of his royal kefta and the heavy steps he takes in his shoes make you look up at him. And you hold your breath.
Of course, you had heard the rumours about his visit to the fold, leaving him with souvenir scars from his encounter with volcras, but well... it wasn't your fault that you immediately thought how hotter he was because of them. And with a crown on his head and a black kefta with red embroidery, he looked amazing. He had no right to look like that when you stood in front of him in your brother's oversized shirt and pants borrowed from Inej.
"Tsaritsa?" you finally ask with a sneer, raising an eyebrow at him.
"I knew you'd react to that." he says with a smirk, walking over to you. "I promised you this, remember? And I keep my promises. Even if I didn't really know you, Y/N Rietveld." you flinch at the sound of your real name, which you somehow managed to push from your memory. You also notice his clear reference to what you told him then in the fold. 'You lied to me too. About your identity. A paid killer. That's why you were at the palace, right? That's why I got the cup from you, with poison in it, if I'm not mistaken?"
"As you can see, quite miserable if you're still alive. Besides, I tought telling you half a story was not a laying at all?" you say, looking at him defiantly. He just laughs and stands in front of you, chest to chest, as you stare at one another.
"Is this how it will be now? Using each other's words against each other?"
"You can let me go, and then you won't have to talk to me at all." you say and he laughs, tucking your hair behind your ear and caressing your cheek with his thumb.
His fingers wander along your jaw, to your neck, to your collarbone, to your shoulder, and to the handcuffs on your hands, blocking your power.
"That's not the option. You are staying right where you are, right where you belong. With me." he says, and to your surprise, he removes the handcuffs from you. He takes your hands in his and presses his lips on the small, almost imperceptible marks on your wrists from handcuffs. He also didn't miss the opportunity to fondly stroke the engagement ring he gave you, which is still on your finger. It makes you blush unwillingly. "I can be your monster and force you to stay to make the whole situation easier for you."
"I would never choose you. Blood is thicker than water." you say, furious at his suggestion that you would choose him over your brother.
"But you can't leave without any of this, can you?"
You become silent. Because he's right. You can't live without him, and you have no idea what awaits you next, but you know that you will have to lose someone. And you are afraid of the end result more than anything else.
Suddenly, he stands behind you. You feel his chest rising and falling with each breath on your back as he suddenly raises his hands. There is something heavy, metallic, and heavy on your head. The bastard gave you a damn crown.
"It's you and me, Y/N. And we are all we need anyway." he says and places a kiss on your temple. He presses his nose, inhaling your scent and hugging you tightly, pressing you against him as his shadows circle the room and wrap around the two of you. You can't deny it and say that you don't feel comfortable at all, that you don't feel the relief that his presence once brought you. Because you do. You've always done. "I will give you the world, everything you want... all you have to do is stay."
You don't protest when he places a gentle hand on your jaw and tilts your head to kiss you. You don't try to break free from his grip as he deepens the kiss, expressing all the longing, anger, and affection you feel for each other. And you eagerly push him to his throne, to straddle him and prove that you want him as desperately as he wants you.
Oh, God rest my soul
I miss who I used to be
The tomb won't close
Stained glass windows in my mind
I regret you all the time
I can't let this go
I fight with you in my sleep
The wound won't close
I keep on waiting for a sign
I regret you all the time
You stood next to him. Just like he wanted. This was your plan before you even came back to him. Fedyor also got back into his good graces and gave them information, and you tried to convince your stupid heart that you were doing the right thing. And now you watched as Alina fought with him to destroy the fold.
And you're really prepared for him to die. You replayed this moment a thousand times in your head as you lay by his side in the Little Palace, watching him in his sleeping state.
What you are not ready for, and what the volcras around you make you realise, is life without him. Without his shadows. Without his voice. Without his dark eyes. Without his touch.
You're still trying to fight with it. Convince yourself that you are stronger and that you can do it. But when you see Alina pick up a Grisha steel dagger and aim it at Aleksander's chest, you react automatically.
You link your hands and form a cut faster than you can process it, and in a moment, the Sun Summoner ceases to exist.
It's just you and Aleksander in the fold.
The world stops for you. Your hands shake as you realise what you've done. And if it weren't for Aleksander's quick reaction and logical thinking, the volcra would have sniffed you out before you could take a step. He guides you out of your crease without even stopping for a moment. But you know it doesn't make sense. You will both perish without light.
Volcra attacks you, despite Aleksander's best attempts to keep them away, and cuts your arm. You scream as suddenly a bright light flows out of you along with your blood. Both you and Aleks freeze and stare at the strong beam of light from your shoulder.
Aleksander tightens his grip on you. You feel him as he amplifies the light within you and brings you out of the fold. You stop only when you are a few metres away from it. You kneel on the ground tiredly, mentally both cursing and thanking the saints, because you have no goddamn idea how you survived this and why Alina's powers transferred to you.
Aleksander is quickly at your side and wraps you in his tight embrace, whispering something you don't quite understand yet. You're too focused on the fact that you can't feel his heartbeat anymore. Your own powers are gone...
And with that, you realise that Y/N Rietveld had long been buried six feet deep beneath the walls of the Little Palace when your eyes met the devil you sold your soul to for the first time.
You gently push Aleksander away from you and kiss him, knowing that this is the only thing that can calm the storm of thoughts raging inside you as you absorb new revelations.
The fold claimed many lives. And it will absorb more than one in the future. It was the tomb of many common people as well as Grishas. And you know it buried Y/N Rietveld/Brekker today.
But a completely new person came out of it. Y/N Morozova. And she was no longer going to pretend that her soul knew anything of her old life anymore. She wasn't going to waste another night wondering how her life could've, would've, or should've gone. Not wasting another moment in the arms of the love of her arms, wondering if it was right to care about him. You didn't play it safe. So now you're going to take what life has got for you. And not alone. Never alone anymore.
"Let's go home, Sasha." you ask him, whispering.
And after a tender kiss on the forehead, you know that you couldn't have made a better decision. Maybe your soul has always been under the care of the saints, specifically this Starless one?
In any case, being the devil's wife suited you.
#oneshot#darkling#general kirigan#the darkling#aleksander kirigan#aleksander morozova#aleksander morozova x reader#aleksander morozova x y/n#shadow and bone#the darkling x reader#darkling x reader#the darkling x you#dark love#toxic love#toxic relationship#toxic behavior#falling in love#romantic#romance#darkling shadow and bone#shadow and bone netflix#grishaverse#sab#taylor swift#general kirigan x you#general kirigan x reader#aleksander morovoza#alina starkov#genya safin#kaz brekker
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Ah, wonderful choice, Little Wanderer! Browse the stories, take your time. If there is something else you would like to read, just come back to me. If you don’t find what you’re looking for, make a request to the librarian.
>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist<<
1. Kaz Brekker
➳ "Old dog, new tricks" -> Looking for someone to give you a quote on a stolen painting, you run into an old friend who's less than happy with your way of life.
➳ "The clockmaker, the crow and the mantis" -> Kaz becomes part of an assassin's conspiracy to uncover who paid to have him killed.
➳ "Return to sender" -> When an old admirer continues to bother you with his letters, Kaz makes it his priority to put the fiasco to a stop.
➳ "Apple tree" -> Kaz sometimes hums a melody no one can recognize. The one who sang it to him has bewitched him as much as the tune.
➳ "Agnus Dei" -> You're a Grisha hiding from the Black General. When you reveal your power to save the Crows, Kaz must make a decision: your life or theirs?
➳ "O Rubor Sanguinis" -> Facing the Black General, you must choose whether to do the smart thing or the one you truly crave. Kaz shows affection, just not with words.
➳ "Amendmends" -> Two of your thugs get into a fight at the Crow's club, so you go apologize in person to ensure there won't be any retaliation. Kaz seems suspiciously happy at having the infamous Golden Panther indebted to him.
➳ "Amendments II: The Panther and the Duckling" -> The day comes when you can repay Kaz Brekker with the help of the mysterious "Duckling". Kaz claims you're infuriating but there might be more to his confusing feelings than he realises.
➳ "Espionage" -> You and Kaz pretend to be engaged so you can get him into a banquet and from there - to a safe.
➳ "Four Crow Investigation" -> After Nina notices Kaz's heartbeat quicken when you're around, she recruits three friends to investigate your relationship.
➳ "Four Crow Investigation II: Lovebirds' Outfox" -> Aware of your friends' nosiness, you and Kaz ensure they have hardly believable gossip to share.
➳ "Could you ever fall in love with me?" / "I can’t even fall asleep." -> angst blurb
➳ "Embroidery" -> When his glove gets torn, you're more than happy to sew it back together and add a little detail of your own.
2. Nikolai Lantsov
➳ "Little Sun" -> Return to the sanctuary means a reunion with his beloved Солныщко. Kisses and slaps are exchanged.
➳ "Sparring" -> You face him in an army sparring match. Despite his noble title, Nikolai can't stop himself from sharing suggestive remarks.
➳ "Man of Faith" -> Nikolai's interest in the Sun Summoner makes you jealous but being the sweetheart he is, he's quick to reassure you about his devotion.
➳ "Femme fatale" -> When you reveal how you won the suspiciously heavy bag of coins, Nikolai is overwhelmed with anger at the thought of you being intimate with another man.
➳ "The King and the Swallow" -> Unexpected reunion with his childhood friend and the sworn protector of the royal family takes a dramatic turn when Nikolai inquires about her uncharacteristic, cold demeanour. Confessions are shared - the good ones and the bad ones alike.
➳ "Cinderella" -> Nikolai is a party person, you're not. But he's also a fool in love, so when you quietly disappear, he wastes no time finding you.
➳ "In Emerald Hearts, Emerald Minds" -> When Vasily asks you to forget his half-brother and marry him instead, you escape the Little Palace along Alina. Nikolai realizes something strange is going on when Kaz mentions seeing a similar emerald ring on the woman that came with the Sun Summoner. With how much you and Nikolai have been running in circles to find each other, the reunion aboard Volkvolny feels almost fated.
➳ "Sea shanties" -> Alina witnesses Sturmhond's love for his boatswain. Hurting yourself while fixing the net leads to singing sea shanties and Sturmhond almost kissing the love of his life.
➳ "Who am I to complain?" -> When your parents come to visit, Nikolai finally understands why you've never been keen to talk about them. Being the King and your husband, he isn't afraid to defy them.
#shadow and bone#six of crows#shadow and bone imagine#shadow and bone masterlist#six of crows masterlist#masterlist#shadow and bone fanfic#shadow and bone fanfiction#shadow and bone x reader#six of crows fanfic#six of crows x reader#six of crows imagine#six of crows fanfiction#kaz brekker fanfic#kaz brekker#kaz brekker fanfiction#kaz brekker imagine#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x you#nikolai lantsov#nikolai lantsov imagine#nikolai lantsov fanfiction#nikolai lantsov x you#nikolai lantsov x reader
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DAY ONE - K. BREKKER
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1162 words
𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: kaz brekker x reader
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: overstimulation, penetration, fingering, unprotected sex
It had been an exhausting day. Your entire body hurt from the hours of exertion. You had a migraine that has decided to live indefinitely in your head. Your wrist, your motherfucking wrist, hurts worse than it has in a while; it having being sprained painfully in your latest heist. (You’ll admit, you’ve had worse injuries, but right now, with your heart beating steadily in your wrist, and agonizing shots of pain shooting you your entire arm, you can’t think of anything worse.)
The heist, the lovely it’ll-only-take-two-days-at-most-Y/N heist. The one that had definitely lasted longer than a fucking hour, and immediately went wrong.
𝟐𝟒 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐑
“Gods damnit!” You shouted, as you jumped onto different roofs in a matter of seconds. You were running from Ravkan soldiers. You, and the couple of Dregs were sent to break into a multimillion kruge building, that would set you up for life.
It’s only been almost six years since the Fold was destroyed (by a fucking Sun Summoner, who died and made more Sun Summoners – it’s a very difficult concept to wrap around your mind, you mean, how the hell does the death of a saint cause everyone around her to gain her powers? – anyway, you’re getting off topic). Kaz sent you along with a couple newbies – seriously, how were you meant to successfully complete the heist when you were surrounded by idiots who didn’t know what they were doing? -, and explained that he expected all of you back in two days with bags filled with kruge.
However, as soon as you landed on Ravkan soil – after a lovely sail against the former Fold, to which you thought those damned winged beasts would fly out of no where and take you – you were almost immediately surrounded by soldiers.
Some motherfucker had told the authorities the plan. And when you find them, they’re going to wish they had never been born.
So now, you were split up from the rest of the group – if they hadn’t been arrested yet – and we’re currently flinging yourself over roofs to get away.
You jump from the last building, that will put you out of sight of the soldiers for a while. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything to grab a hold of to slow your fall. You barely have time to duck into a ball to stop from landing your neck, before your crashing onto the floor.
You yelp, feeling your wrist catch the brunt of the impact. You’re lucky you haven’t broken your damned arm.
You’re going to kill Kaz when you get back.
𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓
The rest of the crew had managed to make it back to a different boat than you, and were able to make it back to Ketterdam about a day before you.
While they were happily sailing back home, you had had to hide out for the rest of the day, and sneak onto the bottom of a boat heading home.
You were in a piss pour mood, and you had no energy to deal with Kaz fucking Brekker and his questions.
And, of course, you were ignored and the Dirtyhands walked into your room, closing the door behind him with his crow cane.
“What do you want, Kaz?” You sigh, to exhausted to give much energy into the argument you can already see brewing. “If you’re here to scold me, I suggest you get a move on it. I’m tired, and not in the mood to deal with your bullshit.”
You looked up at the man through your desk mirror, numbly fiddling with your sleeping clothes. He stood stoically, his hands folded over the top of his cane. He stared at you, his dark eyes scanning the length of your body. He said nothing, seeming to want to examine every inch of you before opening his damned mouth.
Unfortunately for either of you, you were not patient enough to wait for him. You spun around to face him, your fingers dropping your clothes, and a scowl spread across your cheeks.
“What, Kaz?” you snap, crossing your arms over your chest. “If you’re going to bother me, at least fucking say something!”
Kaz stared at you, his own lips deepening into a scowl, “What the hell happened?”
“What do you think happened?” you snapped, glaring at the man in the mirror. “You sent me on a heist with two fucking newbies. We got caught as soon as we got on Ravkan land. Those motherfuckers felt me to deal with it by my goddamn self!”
You stopped rifling through your drawer, anger coursing through your veins as you slammed your hands down on the dresser. You were exhausted, your wrist hurt (you really shouldn’t have slammed it down so fucking hard), and you were pissed. Those idiots better not come anywhere near you for the next year, or you might kill them.
You flop down on your bed, and tossing your pillow over your face. All you wanted to do was sleep off the last week. But nooo, of course Kaz can’t take a hint, and leave you be.
You don’t look at him, but you can feel him staring down at you, and you can already imagine the scowl on his face. “Go away, Kaz!” you shout through the pillow, officially over his silent stare.
“No, I’ve got something better planned.”
“Fuck!” you scream, your hips hitching up towards Kaz’s hands. It was too much!
You’re laying on your bed, loosely tied to the head post, and bared completely for Kaz. You don’t know how long you’ve been here, or how many orgasms he’s forced out of you.
Kaz was straddling your legs, keeping your lower half against the bed. His dark eyes were focused on you, a smirk spread across his face. His fingers drove into you, the tip of his fingers hitting your g-spot over and over again. “Come on, give me another,” he says, rubbing harshly against your clit.
“St-stop!” you screech, trying to pull away from him. Kaz grabs your hips, and slams them back on the bed, keeping you still under his grasp.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
It’s too much, oh saints...
“SHIT!”
Everything goes blank, and you feel like you just died and came back.
When everything clears, you realize the all-consuming pleasure was still pushing down on you.
You open your eyes, your chest moving quickly with your pants, and moans. You immediately make eye contact with Kaz, the man leaning over you as his hips slam sharply against yours. He’s looking down at you, and if you didn’t know him like you did, you would think he was completely unaffected. But you did know him, his eyes were glazed over slightly, and sweat lined his forehead. He was just as consumed as you.
“Fuck, Kaz,” you whisper, wrapping your fists around the sheets. “It’s too fucking much!”
Kaz leans down, his lips grazing your ear, “Shut up and take it. I’m not done with you.”
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Inside job
Kaz Brekker x Fem!reader x Inej Ghafa
This is a drabble? I think, but it’s really freaking short. And there is hint of romance but nothing actually said, but it’s hinted.
Warnings: Shit writing.
There was only one option, and they knew.
“We can’t get in without some sort of key, or something. Even I know it’s useless to even try to break in without a opening.” Jesper spoke leaning against the table behind him, wylan beside him fiddling with his own shirt buttons.
Kaz knew this job was going to need somone from the inside, The Honeyedpass was not easy to get into. No, he knew the place was well guarded. But still, there was always someway in and luckily he knew exactly what to do.
“That’s why we need someone from the inside, no one gets in or out without someone knowing.” Kaz spoke as the others looked at him puzzled, all excited one. “And who would that be?” Jesper ask with a hint of excitement in his tone.
Inej watched as his gaze feel on her, she knew exactly who he was talking about. A job only she would do because she was no better then the rest of them. But still, this would put her in more danger if anyone were to find out.
“No.” Inej leaned on the table making everyone’s attention snap to her. “There is no one else.” His tone low and stern. “She would be killed without a thought if anyone found out.” The girl stepped closer and glares at him.
“She can handle herself, and we need her to complete this.” They stare into each others eyes to fight for who was right. It was a fight without words or fists, but the others could admit they would be scared if they received the looks.
“I’m sorry but who is “she”?” Jesper interrupted them both to ask the important question. 
The smell of the sea water mixed with dead fish and guts. That was the telling of the docks. The smell she found comforting, when she was off duty she wanted to feel like someone normal. So she helps the fisherman unload the boats, or guts the fish, sell them- Anything really. But she was respected. Her first day she put a man in his place for thinking he could touch her. There were more incidence after but now the people there respected her.
A woman never afraid to spill blood.
The woman grunted as she slammed the heavy box into the rest and took a minute to catch her breath. Then the boards beneath her vibrated with footsteps, the sound of a cane, then the last sign is reflections on the water from the corner of her eye. Her lips curled up into a smirk because there was only one group this could be.
“What a pleasant surprise,” she turned around to faces them, “all the crows coming to see me? Oh, how special I am.” Her voice teasing and fake. She looked at the tall man she knew, his face the same as when she last saw, hardened. “What do I  owe the pleasure?”
“I’ve got a job for you.” She let out a huffed chuckle and crossed her arms. Her gaze leaving him and then finding the beautiful soft ones she remembered, oh how tempting they were. “Wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.” She looked around at each member standing before her.
“We need a way into The Honeyedpass, and there’s only one way in. Despite your little acted of playing fisherman, you work with the wealthy. Get us in, then secure a way out and your actions will be paid for.” Everyone could see the look he was giving her, the one she was giving back.
There was something more.
The way his even hardened expression was softer, his eyes showing a hint of emotion, or the way his lips moved up with a smirk each time he spoke. Then there was inej, her eyes soft and pleading for you. It was clear she cared for you, so much that she didn’t want you to take the job. Her expression could be called “A kicked puppy” look if Jesper had his say.
“What’s the pay?” You stepped closer to the group with a mischievous glint in your eyes and a tone honeyed. Kaz looked at you and titled his head because he knew how you were. No matter the job, no matter who it’s for, friend or strangers, you never did anything for free. And he loved that about you.
“Name your price.”
#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#kaz brekker x reader#inej x reader#inej ghafa x reader#shadow and bone x reader#shadow and bone#Jesper Fahey#wylan#Wylan Hendriks#the crows#the crows x reader#house of the dragon x reader
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Some Perfect Bloopers
Hello! Today, we are answering a request by @thenerdysimp : ‘I just had another idea, and I don’t know if you’ve done something like this already but I’d like to request it anyway.
I know you’ve done one where she surprises Ben on his birthday but I was thinking that maybe she just randomly for no reason in particular surprises him on set of shadow and bone. Like she has talked to the crew and the cast telling them that she is coming so that they are in on the surprise. She has contact with Jessie or someone and they tell her when Ben is filming a scene so she can walk on set to get a good clip of him getting distracted by her for the bloopers or something. It’s all just a cute surprise reunion🥰’
Hope you enjoy what I’ve prepared for your request!
I hope everybody enjoys this little piece of pure cuteness! Tell me what you think about it!
****
Pairing: Ben Barnes x reader
Warnings: Unbearable cuteness and tooth-rotting fluff
Summary: The cast of SaB and you organise a surprise for Ben: you’re coming to Hungary without warning and surprise him on set. Of course, the camera’s rolling, it will make some amazing bloopers…
Word Count: 1845
Ben Barnes’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist
You were nervous, even if there were no reasons for you to be.
There was still a lump in your throat, a twist at the pit of your stomach. You rubbed your clammy hands on your dark jeans, before climbing out of your cab, staring at the large building where the Shadow and Bone cast was working…
You had come in Hungary a couple of times while Ben was working on the first season of his show, but the view of the large building was still impressive.
You thanked the taxi driver as he helped you with your large suitcase, paid for your ride. You had barely turned around that Kaz Brekker was appearing behind you, only, Freddy’s version was wearing a large grin.
“Y/N!”
You laughed at his warm welcome, giving Freddy a hug. It was still a little strange to see him in full costume.
“Wow, look at you, mister Brekker!” you joked. “A true Crow!”
“Thanks! Luckily for us all, even after a couple of years, I still got it!”
You laughed, and Freddy picked up your heavy bag while you dragged your suitcase towards the building. You would be staying for three full weeks, so your luggage was rather heavy.
“How was your flight? Everything went fine?” Freddy asked, holding the door for you.
“Thanks. Yes, it was alright. Just… exhausting, but it all went smoothly.”
“You could take a nap for a few hours and see Ben this afternoon…”
But he laughed as he caught your eyes.
“Absolutely not. I haven’t seen him in seven weeks, I don’t care about not sleeping for three days to see him if I have to!”
Freddy laughed hard at that, raising a soothing hand, the black glove shining slightly under the artificial light of the hall.
“Alright, alright. Well, Ben is filming in area B today, I’ll get you there. You’ll have to hide with the make-up team for about half an hour, they’re doing a scene that’s a bit too technical to waste time on it for now. But then, Jessie and Ben have some heavy dialogue to go through, it’ll be better suited for our devilish plan.”
“Heavy dialogue?” you laughed, and Freddy soon joined you.
“Well, it gets kind of heavy when characters want to kill each other all the damn time.”
“True, true…”
Freddy hid you away in the make-up department, and you spent some time chatting with a couple of artists you had met before, waiting for one of the Crows to come and pick you up. The planned half-an-hour turned into a full hour, but you didn’t mind waiting. What you minded was the way your heart raced in your chest as Kit appeared by the door.
He rushed to hug you first, but you were surprised to find the whole gang waiting for you in the corridor.
“What are you all doing here?” you asked, hugging Calahan.
“Do you really thing that we would miss Ben’s face when he sees you? Absolutely not!”
You chuckled at their silliness, but were glad to accept their company as you walked across the building to reach the large hangar where the set had been built.
Ben was shooting a scene in some kind of cave, filled with parchments, torches and old wooden tables.
Everyone was in on the prank, and you wondered how they had managed to keep Ben in the dark. Even the director waved and shot you a mischievous wink when you walked in.
You easily hid behind Calahan’s large shoulders to walk in the room unnoticed, and remained quiet as Ben and Jessie finished their scene, a mix of anger and seduction. Ben was facing you, but he was deep in character and barely noticed the large group coming in. You were, for the most part, hidden in the shadows anyway.
You loved watching him work. He was impressive like this, in a dark kefta, with scars across his face, in full make-up and costume. His voice was deeper than usual, firm and threatening, a tone you weren’t used to hear coming from such a sweet man. He still looked mesmerizing though, oozing charms and something magnetic that made you want to run to him as soon as you saw him. He was talented enough to make you feel as threatened as Alina would have been if this were real.
The loud Cut! rang through the room, and you hid more carefully behind Calahan, making sure Ben wouldn’t notice you if he looked up.
And he did. He frowned hard at the sight of the entire group standing there, behind the cameras.
“Hi!” he laughed, Jessie turning towards the crows as well.
But if Ben seemed puzzled, Jessie couldn’t refrain an excited grin.
“What are you all doing here?” Ben asked, frowning.
“We’ve come take a look!” Freddy answered.
“And we’re waiting for you to go to lunch. Hurry up! We’re starving!” lied Amita.
You were struggling hard not to laugh, imagining Ben’s face as he let out an amused chuckle.
“Alright, alright,” he shrugged, used to his co-stars’ silliness.
Archie thought it would be hilarious to tease you some more and started poking at your arm. You almost choked as you swatted his hand away, and Ben seemed to notice the laughter Archie was trying to hold back.
“What are you all planning now?” Ben asked slowly, eyes narrowed in suspicion.
“Nothing…”
The director faked to check something on the screen, before interrupting the group’s banter.
“It was very good, both of you. But I think we should try to move the camera differently. We’ll do the same scene again, just to get another angle.”
“Should we change our marks?” Ben asked.
“No, no, no. We’ll just change the movement of the camera to catch the light differently. Just play the same thing again.”
Ben and Jessie were given a few seconds to fall back into character, before the camera was rolling again.
And that was your moment to strike.
Ben was focused on Jessie, speaking in a slow, half-seducing and half-threatening tone. He didn’t notice at first that everyone was moving away to let you pass through. He was bothered by the movements beyond Jessie, but he was too focused to realise what was happening. Only when you stepped before the whole group did he start losing focus. Because there was a patch of colour, there, beyond Jessie’s shoulder, that was the exact hue of his favourite shirt of yours…
He couldn’t help but blink and look up, just for a second, but then…
… it lasted but an instant and yet he was almost certain that he had seen your shirt and… you… wearing it…
He did a double-take, blinking a few times more while doubt clouded his mind and he lost track of his piece of dialogue, and looked up again, his gaze lingering on your frame this time.
His mouth fell open and he completely silent.
You… You were there…
Jessie started laughing, moving out of the way, while everyone exploded with laughter, while realization slowly sank in Ben’s mind.
He closed his eyes tightly, a grin breaking across his features as he buried his face in both his hands.
You walked closer, chuckling and grinning even though you had tears in your eyes. After all… you had missed him so much.
He bent over for a couple of seconds, before standing straighter again.
“SURPRISE!” Jessie started the shout, but everyone in the room joined in.
Ben looked up, standing straighter again. He finally lowered his hands, and he walked towards you, closing the distance between the two of you in an instant. You welcomed him with open arms and he held you tight, his face immediately buried in your hair.
“What are you doing here?!” he asked, throat tight with emotion, but there was also so much joy in his tone, such a bright smile on his face…
“I’m here to see you, obviously.”
“How long?”
“Three weeks.”
You breathed in his perfume, your nose pressed to his shoulder, before he would pull away just enough to look at you. He was grinning and crying at the same time, and so were you.
“Three weeks?!” he asked, taken aback. “And you haven’t told me anything?”
“It wouldn’t have been a surprise if I had, would it?”
“And everyone knew, I suppose.”
“I had my accomplices.”
He let out a bright laugh, holding you close again.
People started cheering, and Ben seemed to remember where he was, where he stood, that he was surrounded by his colleagues and was not, in fact, alone with you.
He blushed fiercely, pulling away. But then again, you looked so beautiful, and your smile was so bright, and your lips were so tempting, and he had missed you so much…
Damn be the whole crew. Damn be the teasing he would earn from this. Damn be every single one of his castmates for clearly being in on it.
Damn be the rest of the world, of the Universe even, when you stood there, before him, after so many weeks spent apart, when a mere hour already seemed way too much to be spent without you.
He stared into your eyes again, hands moving from around you to hold your face, tender yet firm, to make sure you would remain close.
“Damn it. All of it.”
And before you could reply, Ben was leaning down to kiss you. Passionately, deeply, like there was no one else in the room.
People shouted, catcalled, cheered. You barely noticed a sound. You were too busy abandoning yourself to the feeling of his lips, of his tongue, of his hands over your cheeks… melting against his tall frame, feeling lucky he was there to catch you when your knees were too weak to bear your weight.
When you broke apart again, out of breath, you were both grinning like idiots, brushing your noses together, holding on each other tight again.
And Ben didn’t seem to notice that the camera was still rolling. That about a year later, the footage would be used to tease him profusely by the cast until a part of it would be revealed for the entirety of the internet to go absolutely insane. He barely noticed his colleagues at all until he finally took a step back, holding both your hands in his, but turning to the room around him. No, he didn’t notice anything for a while but you, your eyes, your smile, your perfume…
“I’ve missed you so much,” Ben whispered, lips barely parted from yours at all. “Thank you so much for coming here.”
“I’ve missed you too. I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
He shook his head in amazement, still barely able to believe it was all real.
“You’re really here.”
It was more of a statement than a question. Still, it was hesitant, uncertain. Your voice, though, was perfectly steady when you answered. It was more of a promise than a statement.
“I’ll always be here, Ben. Always.”
*****************************
Taglist: @reg-arcturus-black @sergeantbuckybarnes @wolfmoonmusic
#ben barnes#ben barnes x reader#ben barnes x you#ben barnes x y/n#ben barnes fanfiction#ben barnes fanfic#ben barnes oneshot#fanfic#fanfiction#oneshot#writing
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