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shoot-the-oneshot · 3 months

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SOULMATE

Lando Norris x Reader F1 as romance tropes Masterlist

If anyone asked Lando always knew he was going to be an F1 driver. It was his dream, his destiny. Not the words imprinted on his arm.

“At least he’s an F1 driver” were the words that appeared on his 16th birthday. At first, he was ecstatic it was proof not only he had a soulmate but he achieved his dreams. It wasn’t until he’d been at McLaren for a few years the words almost haunted him seeing the other drivers meet theirs and he was still walking down the paddock alone, well almost.

“At least you’ll know immediately when you meet her, mine says “hello” that could be anyone!” His best friend Max spoke seeing the dark look in Landos eyes watching Alex and Lily.

Lando scoffed shaking it off “And she'll only care that I’m a driver not about me.” That was the problem the longer you took to meet the worse his thoughts got.

“You don’t know that, she might just think you’re stupid,” at his friends' words Lando turned to glare at him who held his hands in surrender, “You say stupid stuff sometimes”

“You’re not helping you know.” Anything else Lando wanted to say got cut off by a new visitor.

“How’s it going gents, wait Lando what’s with the murder face?” George spoke as he joined the two men, the black Mercedes race suit a stark contrast with the orange of Landos.

“Lando is pouting watching the happy couple over there.” Max's thumb jutting over his shoulder towards the Williams garage and the other British driver understood while Lando tried to look anywhere but the the man now looking at him with pity

George knew how he felt, he felt like half of himself before he met Carmen. “Carmen has a friend in town for the race Lewis and I were going to all go to dinner why don't you come along and get out of your head for a while”

“Appreciate the offer mate but I don't think being a fifth wheel sounds that fun.”

“Lewis had a last-minute meeting he can’t make it now, you should come so Y/n isn’t lonely” lies George spoke before he thought, Carmen would kill him for this.

“He would love to text him the time and place! See you later George.”

Max shoved his friend who was silently thinking of an excuse so he could go home and drown himself in his sorrows so he was ready to go for the race.

“I'm not going,” Lando spoke as soon as they were alone and started walking again towards McLaren hospitality and into his drivers' room

“No, you’re not going home to sulk this dinner will be good for you, get out and socialize.”

“I don't need to socialize I’m fine where I am” the driver huffed stuffing his clothes into his bag ignoring the look his friend was giving.

“You like George and food this seems like a win-win to me!” Max spoke trying to convince him “And maybe the friend is hot plus you need to get out of this funk it’s depressing now go home and shave that god-awful goate and make yourself presentable”

Ignoring in insult Lando swung his bag over his shoulder and caved.

“Fine I’ll go but only to get as drunk as I can on George's tab” and maybe his friends were right and an easy night out would soothe the ache in his chest.

“I am so glad you’re finally here I’ve only been begging to get you at a race for years!” Carmen exclaimed from her spot on your bed while you picked through your suitcase for something the wear.

“Well this might be my last chance to meet Lewis so I figured I'd take it.” You joked, flashing the 44 hat you brought for the race waving it like a flag as she rolled her eyes at your behavior.

“Better not wear that to the garage George might feel offended.” Carmen sang a smile on her face showing she didn’t mean it

“Listen I love George but just like with Toto Lewis is first in my heart George second.” You laughed dodging the pillow she flung at you.

“Alright come on George will be here soon we can wait downstairs.” Grabbing her bag you followed behind her making small talk as you both waited for the Mercedes to pull up

You fake gagged as George immediately jumped you to open your friends' door with a kiss. “Y/n always a pleasure good to see you again.” He said giving her a quick hug while opening the back door for her to get in the car. Returning the sentiment

“I wonder if they have any shawarma at the restaurant” your friend spoke you could hear the smile in her voice as she teased you obviously payback for your comment earlier.

“Oh wow, that joke still hasn’t gotten old.” You deadpanned making George look at the both of you in confusion not getting the inside joke of your soulmate's words.

Choosing to change the subject you felt excitement filling you the closer to your destination you got

“George I cannot thank you enough for setting this up it’s a dream come true I’ve been watching Lewis race for years!” You smiled while Carmen laughed

“She’s been geeking out over meeting Lewis” she spoke as her boyfriend’s shoulders stiffened.

“Well about that….Lewis had a meeting but don’t worry I already took care of it everything is fine and I promise I’ll introduce you tomorrow.” He rushed out white knuckling the steering wheel as you deflated, you were disappointed but it wasn’t his fault.

“Who’d you invite?” You asked before he could answer he was already parked, he turned in his seat looking back at you.

“We’ve been friends forever… I’m sure it will be fine” You would’ve had more confidence if he didn't pause and have such a nervous smile on his face

Lando who was leaned against the building next to the entrance he’s pretty sure he’s accidentally scared off a few couples from entering with his brooding. He glances up hearing a car pull up his back suddenly straightened as if he was struck by lightning when the back car door opened.

His feet moved faster than his brain as he rushed to hold a hand out helping you out of the car.

A soft smile slid across his face uncharacteristically for his recent mood, but before he could dwell on it he locked eyes with you.

Shyly taking the offered hand you got out of the car slightly shocked by the turn of events not having expected George's friend to behave like that.

“Hi, I’m Y/N nice to meet you.” You spoke looking into a pair of awestruck brown eyes. “Umm hello?”

“Lando!” George shouted when you looked around the group when the other Brit failed to respond in choice of staring

“Lando yeah I’m Lando hi.” The man rushed out then mentally kicked himself when you nodded with a smile that made his mind go black again as you walked ahead with Carmen.

“Mate, what was that?” George spoke staring at the fellow driver whose face was covered with his hands “I don't know….” He groaned.

When they entered the restaurant you and Carmen were already seated Lando ungracefully jumped to the empty seat in front of you as if someone else would take it. Huffing out a smirk when you looked up at the sudden noise.

“Y/n this is Lando he drives for McLaren we grew up karting together along with Alex,” at the mention of Alex, Lando recalled the scene from that morning at deflated back into his seat.

“Nice to meet you I haven’t met to many of the grid yet so I’m glad to have started small.” You smiled across the table, still slightly in a mood he just politely nodded back

“You went golfing with Lily a few months ago didn't you?” George asked hoping to spark Landos' interest which worked flawlessly as the man perked back up.

“You like golf? I played in a tournament with the PGA guys for Netflix”

Out of all the things he had to brag about the Netflix cup is what he chose, god, Max was right he does say stupid stuff sometimes.

“You must be pretty good.” If Lando wasn’t proud of his previous answer his next one wasn’t any better. “Oh yeah, practically just hole-in-ones.” He smiled ignoring the look from the other driver, who tried to subtly yank on his sleeve to get his attention away from the two women who were giggling at his poor attempts at impressing you.

“Anyone who’s played golf with you knows that a lie pull yourself together” George spoke his tone hushed “I’m trying I don't know what’s wrong.”

The two men straightened up as if their little conversation never happened and looked over the menus. Lando who was reading over every sentence trying to collect himself.

“What in the world what is chicken shar-sharwarma chicken shar warma.” Lando stutters out thinking it was surely a typo.

George slammed his menu down on the table and looked over at Lando with the most disappointment he had ever seen on his face.

“What did I just say to you!”

“I’m sorry it’s confusing!”

“Chicken shawarma Lando it is not hard if you can’t say it don't order it!” George barked any rebuttal Lando had gets cut off by Carmens' loud gasp. Making both men turn.

“Oh my god!”

“I know he's a muppet” George who thought she was baffled by his friend just waved it off and went to change the subject before you spoke

“At least he's an F1 driver” Lando froze at your words swearing he felt a tingle on his arm where those very words sat. “Oh my god!” Carmen squealed in excitement at what she was witnessing.

“Plus he's pretty.” You lightly spoke still in shock at finding your soulmate who whined “See why wasn’t that part on there.” Lando threw his hands in the air wishing that’s what he stared at for years.

“Wait you think I’m pretty?” He smirked snapping back into the personality he was known for. His question made a flush appear on your cheeks and Lando is sure he just fell in love harder at the sight.

“Can someone tell me what’s happening?” George demanded seeing his girlfriend tear up and you and Lando doing whatever it was you two were doing.

Lando still on a high leaned his arm on the table rolling his white button-down sleeve to his elbow revealing the words you spoke, not taking his eyes off you the entire time.

“That George, was me meeting my girl.”

The rest of the dinner passed by in a whirlwind, all you could remember was the feeling of meeting your soulmate you never thought you’d say this but you’re glad Lewis had a work obligation or you wouldn’t be walking down the paddock hand and hand with Lando a brand new McLaren hat on your head.

“I’m still upset you threw my hat across the room.” Your words did little to dim the smile on his face, glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

“I’m sorry love, would a first-place trophy make it better?” He boasted feeling as if he was on top of the world with you by his side.

“Oh big ambitions today, huh, feeling good?”

“With you here, babe I'll be unstoppable, and once I win you have to throw out that dreadful hat I’m the only British driver allowed in your heart now.” He declared, his hand sliding down your arm to grab yours. Pulling you to a stop outside his garage.

“There’s the happy couple!” A new voice shouted from the sea of papaya. Max ran out, making Lando roll his eyes and you smile. You spent the last two days glued to each other so you knew all about his best friend.

“Finally so nice to meet you thank you for showing up and fixing this muppet!”

“I wasn’t a muppet, you muppet!”

“It’s very nice to meet you as well Max.” You interrupted the two before they could get started on the back and forth. Landos attention switching as you spoke threw his arm over your shoulder, a smug expression on his face getting to show you off.

“I know what lover boys words were but what was yours?” Max ashed almost bouncing on his feet in excitement. Lando groans immediately holding his head in your neck.

Rubbing your hand through his curls knowing this was going to be rough on him, you showed Max your other arm. “Mate you wonder why I said she probably thought you were stupid!”

Lando felt your head nodding in agreement making his shoot up to pout at you. “I’m sorry but come on it wasn’t your best moment neither was spilling wine all over the table.”

“He spilled wine! Come tell me everything.” Max gasped, pulling you away from Lando lacing your arm with his leading you down the paddock. Leaving the driver to trail behind the two.

A year later.

A hand came into your view as the car door swung open revealing your fiancé.

“For old times sake huh?” you teased refusing to the time he nearly tripped over himself to get to your door the night you met. Lando fondly rolled his eyes. “You act like I don't always get the door for you.” He bowed exaggeratedly pulling the large glass door open leading to the restaurant.

“Like how you acted like you were a golf expert?” Lando's jaw drooped in mock offense before collecting himself pulling you closer to whisper in your ear.

“Got a hole-in-one with you though didn't I?” You giggled hitting his chest as you reached the table. Lando left to greet George while you sat with Carmen and caught up.

Eventually, the men joined you both again, you only noticed when your chair was dragged to your right until you were pressed against Landos side, who held a menu for you to share. You smiled at his determination to keep you close.

Squeezing your arm which you now knew as his ‘watch this’ motion he winked.

“I think I’ll have the chicken shaworma chicken shar warma!”

“Mate not again!” George groaned while Lando laughed in mirth. Looking around the restaurant hasn’t changed a bit since the last time you were here and yet your entire life had, you now travel with your best friend around the world, and most importantly, found your soulmate

Hey guys we are back! After a very long break i got inspired to write again and while this one isn’t the best the other parts of this series are some of my favorites I’ve written so go check them out here but i do hope you all liked it

<< Charles Leclerc as brothers best friend

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jaymber · 8 months

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Blistering Love

Timeline 20151 - Protagonist : V Temarii

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V allowed Johnny to do whatever he wanted with Rogue. It was their body, after all. But, by the time he was in control again, the merc realized he was still fully clothed, and that the movie wasn't over just yet. "Shit, that was… quick?" he commented

"I am many things, V, but a one minute man I am not. Nothing happened. Was gonna be a nice night at the drive-in. Now, she’s mad and won’t tell me what about." "What did you do this time?" "Uh, no. It’s definitely not me. ‘member Grayson? How they spoke? How weird it was?”"

"Yeah, it was odd. But, maybe there’s no connection. Maybe she’s just… still in shock. You, back, trying for once. Give her some time. She'll see you're trying to-" V tried to rest a hand on Johnny's knee for sympathy, but the engram seemingly ran from his touch. He felt Johnny closing from him again, hiding his feelings and thoughts under static. V tried not feeling hurt at feeling pushed away. "Eh, gotta mull it over. For now: take me to North Oak.”

"That where Rogue went?" "Nah: Kerry. Tell you once we’re there.”

The road to North Oak was silent. V could feel an uncomfortable tension form, emanating from the rockerboy. Johnny was in a bad mood, and couldn't keep all his turmoil for himself. Emotions filtered through their bond. "Johnny? You alright?" V dared to ask after a while. "Preem." "You sure? Cause I feel this… knot… in-" “I'm the one in your head - not the other way 'round," he sharply replied, "Now, keep your eyes on the road."

Johnny made them stop near a pool of water under the North Oak sign. If the engram still seemed troubled, he seemed to relax ever so slightly as he looked up at the luxurious residences above them." “This oughta work.” “What are we doing here? “Heard Kerry got himself a buck a mansion here. Done well.” “Kerry Eurodyne? Yeah, he’s a pretty big deal, compared to what I saw in your memories. My sister had a huge Eurodyne phase. Went from town to town klepping anything that had his face on. Albums, magazines,...” “And you? Gonna behave yourself if you meet him up close?” Johnny seemingly couldn't help but barked.

“Was her thing, so I had to hate it, y’know how it goes. Music's preem, and Eurodyne always seemed pretty wild. Half his stories were more like controversies, and I did enjoy reading those. You two seemed to fight a lot, but I get why you got along." "Nah," he retorked harshly, "It probably was just an act. Only posed as a rebel to fit in. Was actually desperate not to step on any toes, Arasaka’s especially.” "Maybe he's changed. Like… Rogue has?" V suggested, though Alt's name came first in his mind. He was glad he avoided her name, Rogue's seemed to anger the rockerboy enough as it was. That spark of calmness suddenly died. "People can change V, but they can't suddenly grow balls. No. Read the screamsheets about him recently? Know what they write about him? He’s depressed, attempted suicide.” "Shit!" V let out, though the information didn't surprise him. Many fans knew about Eurodyne's unpredictable mental state, "You really afraid he’s gonna hurt himself?” “Who knows? Either way, could give him some pointers.” Those words made V realize Johnny had closed off his heart and mind to his host once more, protecting himself through tough words and a thougher attitude. Johnny wasn't alright, and V was certain it had to do with his recent rejection. "Johnny…" he called, grabbing his arm.

"Johnny, listen. I know something's not right, can feel it. Rogue rejected you, and that fucking sucks. But, lemme-" But once again, Johnny evaded his touch. "I said it before. I’ll say it again: not about Rogue. Now, get us inside that mansion, yeah?"

As Johnny walked back to the car, V couldn't help but listen to that cruel voice in the back of his head telling him that he was being ignored, left out. He hoped letting Johnny in control again would elevate the engram's mood, and maybe he would be thankful enough to remember V's presence.

#ugh they both got issues....#cyberpunk 2077 #johnny silverhand #male!v #oc: vaea temarii

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pugsbone · 1 year

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Sooo... V9, huh?

Favorite and/or least favorite bits of it are? Mine least favorite parts are the parts where everyone except Little & Neo ignore Ruby's mental state. No, saying "Are you ok???" and not following up on it are good replacements for actual dialog.

I enjoyed the vibrancy of the location, even if I was not a fan of why they were there. The show is draws a lot from colors, so it was nice to have a whole place full of wild and crazy colors like they had in the Ever After. Looked a lot better than almost all of the Atlas Arc, in my own opinion.

Now, while are a lot of things from this volume that I am not a fan of, the biggest one is about the use of suici- no wait, I mean "Ascension." The great journey of watching this woman getting broken down by everything that's happening, feeling the crushing weight of her failures, as everyone else acts like nothing is wrong. There is no shoulder to lean on, no words of love and support, just more pressure put on her to solve things, to make it all right. And when she finally cracks, there is no immediate trying to calm her down, to assuage her feelings, no, she gets at by Jaune the moment she lets her feelings be known. Yes, he is in pain for losing the paper people, but he did not help. From there, she keeps broken and beat down over and over again, until finally, a man she saw die in front of her, after she gets beaten up by those she feels she failed, that she couldn't save, tells her to end it, to make everyone's lives better. There is no heroic stand, there is no last minute save from her friends and family, no, Ruby kills herself.

She drinks poison, to which neither she nor Neo knew that it wasn't that, and is swallowed by the world, and the show gave no warning to the audience about what they were about to see, it ended up being the fans who did that. Now, for something personal, that I don't talk about that often here, I deal with depression a lot in my life, and in a way I can relate to what Ruby was dealing with, so I don't like hearing that most of the time, nor to find out that killing yourself makes everything better. Drink down that poison friends, if you do it at your lowest, you'll suddenly realize that it's a-Ok to want to end who you are, to kill what you were. What a fucking joke. Then to have Neo do the exact same thing, jumping into the depths below to destroy who she is, and it's shown to be a good thing, that she'll be able to have a fresh start by killing herself. What a fucking joke.

So yeah, tldr, not a fan of how much suicide is used in this past volume.

#mun talks #rwde

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ben-talks-art · 1 year

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Wanted to talk about Random Chat a little

"Random Chat" or "The Girl From Random Chatting" is one of my favorite webtoons as well as one of my first webtoons.

It has a lot of themes and ideas that I find really interesting and that I feel get explored in equally interesting ways that I don't often see in other media, so I felt it would be nice to show a little of my appreciation to it by discussing what's about, who are its characters, the messages, and what I like about it.

The basic premise of the story is that a boy named Joonwoo suffers from depression, insecurity, social anxiety, and low self-esteem and tries to deal with all that by spending his time on a random chatting app that allows him to talk with strangers.

One day he ends up finding a stranger who he really gets along with on the app and they start to develop a bond, only for Joon to later discover that this stranger is in fact one of the girls in his class.

Using this newfound information, Joon decides to use the app to find out more about the girl so help her out in dealing with her problems at home, school, and in love, and basically be some sort of hero that attends to her every need as a way of showing his gratitude for being his friend online.

Now... Just from this premise, you're either going to think "Wow, that's really sweet! I bet they're gonna become great friends and maybe even more!" or you're going to think "Wow... Like... WOW!! That's creepy as hell! He's basically stalking her, manipulating her, and taking advantage of the fact he knows who she is while she doesn't! That's messed up!!"

Yeah... There is no way around it, what our main guy is doing is basically catfishing, acting like he's some stranger online while he's in fact right next to the girl in class as she shares with him a bunch of personal information about herself to someone she assumes lives on the other side of the world.

The story is fully aware of how messed up our main lead's behavior is, but unlike other series where they try to paint the situation as "oh, he's just sad and misunderstood and in need of a friend" to try to forgive these actions, here we just have him get called out on his actions multiple times and realize over and over again that what he's doing is wrong.

While we do see Joon helping out the girl on multiple occasions with things like bullying or stalking, we also never ignore the fact that his interference in her life is nothing more than a form of entitlement, as if he thinks he knows what's best for her because he knows her more than anyone.

And as the series progresses, we see that the girl is getting so comfortable with her secret app friend that she starts to develop an unhealthy dependency on it, to the point where she basically can barely live without it, so much so that when Joon does try to cut ties with her through the app so she'll get less attached to it she goes insane trying to find him again.

A lot of the series is focused on characters trying to look at their own actions and realizing if what they're doing is right or wrong, and I'm always a big fan of that.

I always respect when a series has their characters receiving a reality check and realizing that they need to stop and think about what they're doing and if they should continue with it. It's why I like Battle Of The Labyrinth, why I like John from Unordinary, why I like Zuko.

Reality Checks are one of my favorite tropes in storytelling, right up there with redemption arcs.

And the reason why I like it and respect it so much is because, as you keep seeing more stories in different types of media, you start to see that a lot of authors have trouble calling out their main leads on their errors because they are afraid the audience might not like them. They want us to think they're flawless and deserve to be rooted for by never addressing their flaws.

When you do a "reality check" story you're actually addressing these flaws and exploring how you can build a better message by actually showing that your character has problems they need to work on and that they can grow from it, and I love character growth! It's one of my six favorite traits in a character.

What sold me on Random Chat isn't just that it was a reality check story about a guy realizing the errors of his actions, but it was also the fact that these errors were built on the concept of entitlement, which is always something I feel needs to be talked about more.

One of the earlier arcs of the series is about Joon dealing with a stalker that's following the girl using her social media to find out where she lives, and we have a brilliant scene where once they confront each other, Joon realizes that he's basically no better than the stalker and even starts to see himself in him.

And this is all the way back in chapter 12! The series actually called itself out and said "I know my main lead is horrible. Don't worry."

I was so relieved when I saw that because it was then that I realized the story was in good hands and knew not to mix character favoritism with morality.

But that's not the only focus of the series. We also get tons of other arcs focused on basically every possible danger that could come from the use of social media, miscommunication, obsession and dependency, public image, judging people, bullying, and several other themes that are super relevant for every teen to know of.

And these themes are always discussed in fun and engaging ways. It's not like the author just goes "Today we will be talking about bullying! Next arc, we will be talking about harassment!", it actually knows how to keep the story going with a good pacing, charming characters, and some really solid dialogue.

I really like when these people just talk to each other and exchange ideas about their opinions on certain topics and I like how they actually seem to be evolving and maturing as the comic goes on.

It's not perfect, of course, there are some topics where I'm going "I don't think we needed an arc to focus on that" or "I feel like this could have been handled better", but for the most part I just really enjoy many of the things they do talk about.

One of my favorite scenes is where one of the characters who was framed for a crime he didn't commit and ended up being labeled as a delinquent by society realizes that everything could have been solved if he just swallowed his pride and actually tried to talk to his friend, but he then realizes that it was too little too late and that the damage was already done and he keeps having visions of a life that he could have had, days filled with bliss hanging out with his friends and just laughing at stupid stuff, all gone forever because he just wouldn't take two seconds to clear things up properly over a misunderstanding.

The series also has a surprisingly solid romance between the main guy and this grumpy gamer girl who acts like his conscience, always trying to make him think about his actions and ask himself if he's really on the right path.

I just love that! I love how the love interest isn't just a fangirl that agrees with everything the main character says but actually tries to challenge his ideals and his behavior. She's legitimately trying to help him become the best version of himself that he could be because she sees potential in him.

There are just so many things about this series that just click with me... That thankfully help me overlook most of its flaws.

It's definitely not a perfect series. Sometimes the artwork can be really stiff with characters looking like they're posing for a picture and other times the proportion feel a little off, sometimes the attempts at making characters look evil by making their eyes glow while having a dark background looks a little too silly, there is way too much focus on action and dealing with members of gangs, and sometimes it feels like the main lead is learning a lesson that he should already be aware of.

Stuff like that can turn some people off, it turned me off a little as well, but the commentary and discussion of different topics that the comic tries to bring and explore is always at the very least interesting to think about.

While I don't think this is for everyone, I still think this is a very good series to at the very least check it out and see if it might be your thing.

#random chat #girl from random chatting #webtoons

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kikis-writing-world · 1 year

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I need to get some personal feelings about family and shiz off my chest. You can read if you want but this is very much me screaming into the void, so feel free to scroll on. Talk of mental health and shiz inside. Dead dove don't eat

I'm the only one in my family that doesn't live within an hour drive of each other. I live about 300 miles away from them all. It gets really hard sometimes not being there for all the birthdays and holidays and events, but it's the decision I made to move here.

My sister used to live in this city when I was younger and still living with my parents. It felt like they came to visit her pretty often, hell I came with them quite a bit, but I was a kid and self-absorbed as kids are so it could be a childlike exaggeration in my head.

Several times now my mom has either cancelled a trip, or just kept putting off planning it until it passes and we don't mention it. The times I've brought it up, she tells me I need to remind her, but I guess I want her to want to come see me without having to be nagged into it?

There's an event near me happening this weekend. It's a twice-yearly event that I've been attending for over a decade that I've been telling her she would really like and have asked her to attend. Several times before she agreed it sounds like fun, but then just never came. She was adamant that she was coming this time. I kept asking if she has planned it, and she kept saying "oh yeah, I gotta talk to your father..." Well as mentioned, it's this weekend and she's not coming. Again.

I had a really bad time of things this last weekend. I was sick, my boss was angry at me over stuff, I was miserable. I had a big breakdown, crying and screaming and wanting to throw shit around my house. I called my mom, and I think I scared her with how upset I was. That wasn't my intention, but I needed someone with me while I melted down. I don't really have anyone irl to help, so I called my parents. That night she tells me "I'll be there next weekend to spend some time with you."

Firstly: had she planned what she had promised, she'd be here this weekend, so that's a bitter reminder.

Secondly: I frankly said to her "no you won't." There's a family birthday plus Easter, and unless I'm about to dive into a vat of hydrochloric acid, I'm not the priority. She doesn't know I had a SH relapse 2 months ago (after 3+ years of abstaining, and I know the relapse doesn't define me but it's been that bad that I had a relapse. I'm doing better now.) but for 6 months I tried to explain to her how I was feeling so bad. There were times I said "it'd be cool if you could come visit." There were times I outright asked for help. Said I wanted my mom, said I needed company, asked for help to get my house back in order from bad depressive episodes - not that anyone owes me that, but it's hard enough to ask for help. When you ask for help over and over and keep getting ignored or shot down, you start to feel unworthy of asking for or receiving that help. There were other people who I reached out to for help. Some were there, some weren't. It was a really bad 6ish months for me.

(Not that I was asking for her to travel all that way to see me multiple times in that span. Had she come to visit once, I would have stopped asking repeatedly)

Now, she's "officially" got a plan to come at the end of the month. The birthday obviously can't be celebrated ON Easter, so first the family needs to have Easter weekend and the birthday party, and then she's going to come deal with the mentally ill, out of sight out of mind, daughter. (Also that's if nothing comes up between then and now and she cancels.)

Part of me wants to tell her not to bother. She doesn't come when I need her. When I tell her "I really need someone right now," it's never a good time. It's petty as shit, and I don't have the balls to tell her how I feel about it because she'll just pull back and I'll have an even harder time convincing her the next time I'm trying to get help.

I needed someone for months. I made it through and clawed myself out of the hole I dug. No need to rush over with a ladder now.

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clo-caillea · 2 years

Text

There was a post somewhere in the Frozen 2 tag about it basically being a retelling of Moana and making it sound like it just copied that one...

But considering it's currently my new hyperfixation, so my toddler is watching it *alot* and our last hyperfixated movie together was Moana, I feel like I have grounds to talk about this.

First, a disclaimer: I'm in an adhd spiral and writing this while the kids is tearing apart my living room. We've watched these 2 movies back to back today though so my brain is stuck on this.

Some things may be spelled wrong, and my grammar may be trash. Apologies in advance.

Soooooo let's do this!

(will insert a read more thing here when I'm not on mobile, idk how to do it from here. )

First of all: Moana had to do the entire trip by herself because her father wouldn't trust her or believe her about being called by the ocean and having the heart to return to Tefiti.

Even after she's on the trip, she gets to Maoi and spends the rest of the movie having to prove herself to him because he definitely doesn't trust her or her mission.

Literally the only people that believe in her throughout the movie are her gramma and the ocean.

Frozen 2 has MULTIPLE scenes about trusting in each other that are SO important.

First and I believe most important one being: the kingdom just got it's ass kicked by the elements and forced all the people up to the cliffs. And Elsa is like oh yeah, btw, it's good I promise.

And Anna, obviously, replies look at our kingdom, how can you say that?

So Elsa says she CAN'T explain it, she just knows somehow, and it's like her magic can feel that this presence is good.

And what does Anna do?

She says okay.

No more arguing.

Just accepts her sister's instincts.

They do the same thing later on when Kristoff hasn't seen Anna the whole movie, and was just singing about feeling insecure in their relationship, then he sees her being chased by rock giants and saves her, and asks what she needs.

She says to get to the dam and HE DOESN'T EVEN QUESTION HER, JUST SAYS OKAY!!!!

Next: the focus of the underlying message.

Now, I know this is really subjective and I may be the only one who got this out of these movies and that's okay. I'm still gunna talk about it though.

Moana is a story about finding who you are when the world around you is demanding you to conform. Learning to build your skills from ignorance into something powerful that gives you independence and freedom to be who you truly are. Which is awesome and we love it.

Frozen 2 is similar, but more focused into the depression elements from the first one. It to me is the aftermath of depression recovery or addiction recovery. I know this because I'm in this stage right now.

The one where you're scared to step into the next possibility in case it's a regression instead of growth.

In the first movie, Elsa spent it terrified of her powers for what they could do to the people she loved - she only just learned how to control them again when she figured out that love thaws.

So now in this one, she's finally able to be around the people she loves without being afraid she'll hurt them. She's finally socializing and finally feeling loved and complete.

So the entire song of Into the Unknown is her saying she doesn't know if the voice is good or bad and she doesn't want to repeat her past mistakes.

Then by the end when she's singing Show Yourself and she figures out that it's her mother who's been calling to her, and that it's her own self that she's been waiting for her whole life and she finally fully accepts herself, it's the final step of her growth.

See also: the fact that it was Elsa that delivered the line "fear is what can't be trusted" is the most powerful yet subtle thing because it's the full 180 of her growth. That's the entire summary of how she learned to control her powers.

Neeeext:

The focus on the elements. Yes, Moana talked about them. The ocean choosing Moana to restore Tefiti, and Teka being a monster of earth and fire while Maoi is a demi god of the wind and sea.

But outside the titles for these beings, the elements don't have a big influence on the plotline. It's not like Moana has to actively do anything about each element in order to reach the destination, whereas Elsa has to tame them all (except earth, cuz that was Anna's arc) in order to reach Ahtahollan.

This point can definitely be argued, and I'll admit that. However, you do have to admit, there's more focus on monsters and one liners in Moana where there's more focus on the elements and trust in Frozen 2.

Now, I love both movies equally for differing reasons and I'm not saying one is better than the other.

I just wanted to add my 2 cents on the idea that Frozen just copied Moana.

I think the only super similar aspect they have is both main heroines figuring out their strength and ability to do the thing that's important is within themselves and they're all they need, but I would definitely prefer seeing MORE of that message anyways so... That's fine to me.

And THAT concludes my current accidental obsession rant 😵‍💫

#talking with del #useless post #frozen 2 #moana #comparison #disney movies #compare and contrast #they really aren't that similar sorry

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alrightsnaps · 2 years

Note

I'm already dreading seeing Penelope and Philip in season 2. Like in the books I did like Penelope (like she wasn't one of my faves but I could get along with her. I never liked Philip and Eloise deserves far better), but in the show she is far removed her book counterpart.

With the expansion of the lady whistledown as a more active plot point (which Queen Charlotte is wasted on, like she's such a fascinating character and rather than delve into that they're simply ignoring it in favor of lady whistledown), and the introduction of Marina last season, by having Penelope become this spiteful, vicious character with little redeeming qualities if any, who destroyed Marina's life out of pure jealousy (had it not been Colin, had it been any other character, had it been any other Bridgerton brother, she wouldn't have done it).

She destroyed Marina's right to make choices for herself and her future. Penelope helped trap her in a marriage that we know from the books will end up killing her. Seeing people on here saying that they can't wait for Philip and Eloise (while I'm rooting for you cute guy who's name and actor I don't know from the season 2 trailer lmao) and seeing the absolute venom they spread about Marina...

Trying to justify what'll happen to her as "a plot necessity", like no, depression and attempting to take your own life and dying a horrible death shouldn't be treated as a plot necessity and if the show isn't going to handle the topic respectfully and at the very least allow Marina to be a character in her own right not just Philips wife or the mother of his children, they shouldn't do it at all. I'm hoping this season they feel out giving Eloise a better love interest and then choose to do it so she'll get a partner actually worthy of her and so Marina no longer has to a horrible life in order for two white leads to get a happy life (four if you count Colin and Penelope).

I also see people hoping for Colin's I don't want to marry Penelope line this season and I'm like??? You want her to hear him be a douche about her??? Like given past behavior she's going to take it out on probably Kate or Edwina or maybe Marina again through lady whistledown but I have no doubt her supporters will find a way to justify her venom 🙄

Like had Penelope actually felt remorse rather than having that stupid smirk at the end of the season and had they portrayed her as at least going to far and addressed that she had a long way to go to redemption, I could tolerate her but they're portraying her as the hard done by, forgotten girl who has never harmed anyone or done anything wrong ever. They wanted to write her as a more complex version of her book counterpart but stripped away anything good from her book counterpart and accidentally wrote a villain they don't intend to hold accountable for her own actions.

Saaaaaame anon!!! 👏👏👏

I didn't have an issue with Penelope in the books, I found her bland and uninteresting as a character but hardly unlikeable (as you said she can't be remotely compared to Philip who I simply found repugnant). If anything it was Colin I found annoying in RMB. But they've completely changed her character in the show to make her into this spiteful, venomous person that I simply cannot find a reason to sympathize with..

What she did to Marina is inexcusable and it was purely motivated by jealousy. After all, would Penelope have exposed Marina if she were to marry that old creep?? No, she only decided to do so when she responded to Colin's flirtation (who became infatuated the moment he met her and could very easily grow to love her as she could grow to love him in a marriage) and was about to marry him. And all this bullshit about how she wanted to “protect” Colin? Why then didn't she go straight to him and tell him the truth rather than humiliating and ruining Marina for all of polite society? Except then she'd actually have to face her fallout with Marina and be held responsible for her actions and she's obviously more used to spitting venom under her alias as Whistledown rather than facing the music.

The fact that she tried to ruin Daphne's marital prospects (though narratively inconsequential since it's immediately resolved) also tells a lot about her character and jealousy being a motivation behind much of what she does as Whistledown. Daphne had never done anything to provoke Penelope (we hardly even see them interacting). She was the first daughter to come out of her best friend's family, a family that had been nothing but kind to Penelope. Daphne's crime? Being chosen as the diamond of the season by Queen Charlotte.

The fact that so many fans justify Penelope after the Marina incident and use her as some self-insert of the plain wallflower who gets her Prince Charming by ruining a pregnant girl's life (because she was manipulative and Colin didn't love her anyway! She only liked her for her looks! She deserves a girl who will truly love him and would do anything for him!) is frankly... sad. And it screams internalised misogyny.

I don't know how they're planning to make Penelope into a sympathetic lead at this point, since they obviously have no intention to give her a redemption arc anytime soon. The evil smirk at the end of s01, Nicola’s comments on how Penelope feels no remorse for what she's done and separates herself from Whistledown? And what if she keeps targeting people the audience cares about, like the Sharmas and Sophie? Why would the Bridgertons ever forgive her?

And no, I cannot possibly justify Marina's death as a plot necessity. Or the suffering she went through (and I really doubt they'll change her depression given how Marina was portrayed in the s01 finale, they were obviously building up to that) before she died. There is absolutely no excuse for including Marina's character in the first place since they obviously intended to use her as a stepping stone not only for Eloise and Philip to get together (which would be bad enough) but for Colin and Penelope as well. What were they even thinking?! TSPWL is bad enough with Marina as a character that doesn't even have a voice, and you actually bring this character in the show, flesh her out and give her a sympathetic backstory? For what? To make everything that happened to her even more tragic and unfair?

The best thing they could've done with Marina was have her mentioned as Philip's dead wife who died in childbirth or something in s05. Scrap the entire mental illness story too given how it's treated by her husband. And if they wanted to include the show!Marina storyline have her reunite with the father of her child in the end of s01 and give them their HEA as they get married and go back home to raise their kid.

The attitude of both polin and philoise stans towards Marina is just disgusting, they really just treat her as a woman that needs to get out of their way for their faves to get together.

Honestly the funniest thing for me will be watching them lose their minds when normies have a wtf reaction when they realise Philip is supposed to be Eloise's love interest. Many people are already angry that the show's given her a male love interest when so many wanted her to be a lesbian, but can you imagine non book readers reactions when this woman

goes from this cutie

to this dude???

It's going to be hilarious.

#bridgerton asks #marina thompson #eloise bridgerton

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maplecornia · 3 years

Text

chapter 29

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 1.44K

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: this one is kind of lighthearted, but a very much needed interatction eheheh

Why is this so annoying?

Glancing at his reflection in the mirror, at the luminescent lights surrounding it, as though he were preparing for a show, a concert, he can feel a cold icy feeling begin to creep around his heart.

Funny to think about.

A concert after all this time.

Will he be able to dance the same? Perform the same? After years without practice will he be able to meet their expectations?

Or will he disappoint them all over again?

Now, now Jimin, we promised we wouldn't do this.

Right?

Sighing, he runs his hands through his hair, the slight crunch of hairspray and dye that comes with it making him wince.

It's not that easy to forget, is it?

So then why does he want to do it?

Sighing, glances up at the far corner of his mirror, spying Tae in the background.

How long has it been since there was empty air between the two of them? When was the last time Jimin had struggled for something to say? He bites his bottom lip before glancing away.

Why did things have to change?

"Come on, I'm sure we can find you something." At the sound of the door opening, and an erratic Jin bursting through, Jimin jumps, his eyes flashing to the top of his mirror once more. Jin's smiling over his shoulder at someone, and Jimin can't help but smile himself.

How is it that with Jin, nothing changes? How is it that he's able to pretend that everything is fine, even when it isn't? Always a smile on his face even when he doesn't feel like it.

How is that possible?

Jimin can't help but wonder if one day...

...he might break.

When the girl comes into his line of vision, however, his thoughts are broken and he jumps up, spinning around to catch a good glimpse of her.

Yen.

As she raises her eyes, she catches sight of Taehyung, who just so happens to have his shirt off at the moment. His clothes are forgotten in a pile on the desk, and she blushes at the sight, frantically looking away.

Jimin tries to be amused, he really does.

But a strange feeling erupts in his chest at the sight, something that makes him cold and numb.

Glancing towards Taehyung, he notices his ears are a bright pink and he has gone still. Rolling his eyes, Jimin tries to ignore the feeling that's swirling in his gut.

What concern is their relationship to him?

"Oh, I didn't know you guys were in here." Jin smiles before stepping forward, and stunned, Yen holds him back. Shocked, he stumbles before turning to her and raising an eyebrow.

"What are you doing? I'm trying to find you an outfit to change into."

"Outfit?" When Jin turns to Jimin and your eyes raise to his, he wonders why he opened his mouth. It was a lapse of curiosity, but now he can't tear his eyes away from your large ones. They remind him of eyes he's seen before...perhaps in a dream.

Large and full of life, sparkling green eyes with soft eyelashes at the corners, eyes that touched his heart and helped him move on.

Not quite unlike yours, but not the same either.

"Yeah, she spilled coffee on herself." Jin begins to explain in answer to Jimin's question before another newcomer interrupts.

"Again?"

Startled, the room turns to the door, looking beyond you and Jin to find Jungkook standing at the entrance with an amused smile on his face.

With wide eyes you stare at him, wondering if this whole thing is a dream.

He smiles softly before stepping forward into the room.

At the silence, he rolls his eyes before finding a shirt on a table and throwing it Taehyung's way.

"Get dressed will you?" he scoffs, and Tae, as though waking up from a dream, starts and immediately pulls the shirt over his head. You make sure that your gaze is expertly averted, your cheeks heating up.

It's one thing to watch his chest be exposed at concerts or performances.

Quite another to see it in real life.

Jungkook notices your not-so-subtle attempt to hide your face behind an oblivious Jin, who has since made it his job to personally make sure Taehyung is humiliated.

Jimin, growing distracted from their futile bickering, turns to you once more and watches as Jungkook steps a bit closer.

With tenderness, Jungkook brushes a stray strand of hair behind your ear, startling you. You flinch away from his touch, turning to him. If he's hurt by the act of distance, he doesn't show, just smiles down at you.

"Yen, I know where I can find a new shirt for you."

"Oh, so you're Yen!" a voice at the door breaks the contact between you two, and you turn to the newcomer, surprised to find J-Hope standing there, Namjoon not too far behind.

Hoseok nearly bounces into the room, pausing a little too close for comfort in front of you, inspecting your face.

"I knew I recognized you!" He exclaims, his face breaking into that smile that melts hearts worldwide, and you fumble for words to say. Leaning back, he places his hand on his chin as though he were a painter preparing for his next project. "I must say, you look cuter this way."

You furrow your brow, about to ask what he means, but he boops your nose before you can say much else.

"Hoseok," Namjoon says behind him, a bit preoccupied with a conversation on his phone. "What did we say about personal space?"

J-Hope rolls his eyes before dancing away, claiming one of the seats at the mirror. When Namjoon reaches you, he lowers his phone, giving you a slight smile and a moment of reprieve.

"Strange to see you here, Yen. Did you need something?" You open your mouth to give him a response, but Jin interrupts you using your head as an armrest.

"She needs a new shirt, she spilled coffee on herself." He explains. Namjoon narrows his eyes at Jin, brushing his elbow off of your head before pocketing his phone and turning to you, concern clear in his eyes.

"Are you alright? Did you get burned anywhere?" He leans forward, inspecting the spill, and you blush, crossing your arms over your midsection. Confused, he stands, and you chuckle nervously.

"No, I'm fine, thank you." You murmur, avoiding eye contact as much as possible.

"Let the girl breathe for heaven's sakes." Jimin snaps from his perch in the back, and J-Hope clucks his tongue.

"Grumpy?"

Jimin snarls his way, and J-Hope makes a face before laughing and continuing to inspect the multiple assortments of makeup at his mirror.

"Jin, I don't think you'll be able to find a shirt her size in our dressing room." Namjoon begins, inspecting you as though he could guess your size just by looking at you. You don't know why but the stare makes you feel just a tad bit exposed, and you narrow your eyes his way.

"So what if it's oversized? She'll be fine, it's only for a day anyway." Jin scoffs, glancing around the room for a worthy specimen. "I'm sure we have something to spare."

"How about one of Jimin's shirts? He's already changed and is closest to her size." Jungkook suggests, but Jimin literally throws himself over his discarded clothes. He narrows his eyes Jungkook's way and nearly hisses.

"Don't even think about it." Jungkook holds his hands up in mock surrender and you have to look away, hiding a smile.

However, that proves to be difficult as the room erupts into a chaotic mess of people trying to find some form of clothing to exchange for your soiled ones.

You can't help but smile at the way they interact, their brotherhood, and their friendship. Wherever they are, the place becomes warm and welcoming, and you can't help but feel a tinge of nostalgia.

Seeing them together reminds you of a time where you were dedicated to watching them on your TV screen. A time where they were the reason you smiled, the reason you were able to continue.

It's a bit different now, but it doesn't change the impact they've had on your life.

The impact they will have for an eternity to come.

You would have stayed there like that for a while if it weren’t for the cold icy voice that cuts through the joyous energy in the room like a knife.

"What the hell."

Your smile vanishes as you catch sight of who's at the door.

Min Yoongi.

And he doesn't look too happy.

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: we finally got interactions with all of BTS! ehehehe i'm so excited for NO REASON

chapter 30 here

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

check out my masterlist for other kpop fanfics

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mcheang · 4 years

Note

Mlb prompt/AU: At the end of Despair Bear, Marinette sees and hears Adrien's "She'll never change" quote when Chloe picks on Mylene and... isn't happy. She might mentally try to justify it, but in the end, she can't help but see this as Adrien giving Chloe's bullying his stamp of approval. The first hint Adrien gets that something's not right is when a cold and calm Marinette gives Adrien back his umbrella.

That’s not right

This is a draft

“She’ll never change,” Adrien said fondly, a smile on his lips.

Marinette froze.

What was happening?

Was Adrien Agreste, boy of her dreams, love of her life, actually smiling at seeing Chloé insult her friends? Granted, she had grown used to Chloé’s behavior, but to see Adrien smiling about it, not caring about their friends’ sadness.

Something in Marinette broke.

When Adrien asked for a macaron, Marinette was distracted. She wasn’t so nervous as she was stunned.

For the rest of the party, Marinette cast curious glances at Adrien, a frown tugging down her lips.

That night, Tikki asked what was wrong.

Marinette: Chloe insulted our friends, made Mylene cry, and Adrien smiled.

Tikki: Maybe he didn’t see?

Marinette: he said she’ll never change after seeing her insult their macarons.

Tikki: he was probably glad he and Chloé have made up again and that’s why he excused her actions this time.

Marinette: This time? What about every other time. Yes, Adrien always scolded Chloé whenever she did something wrong but that was it. She stole my design. She nearly ruined my uncle’s reputation. She even framed me for setting off the fire alarm. No matter what Chloé does, Adrien always forgives her.

Tikki: isn’t that the right thing to do?

Marinette: not if she never really learns from it. Because if Adrien can still be friends with a bully, what does that say about him?

Tikki: that he really values Chloé as his first friend?

Marinette stared at her posters. “Enough that he tolerates her behavior. But I won’t.”

Tikki: what do you mean?

Marinette: Adrien has made up with Chloé for a few hours of fake niceties. Well, until he decides to be a real friend, he’s not my friend!”

Tikki stared at her chosen, torn. Adrien was like an innocent lamb in the world, but he could also be naive in thinking he can balance his social circle.

But just in case, “maybe you should get some more perspective on the matter before you go through with this.”

A chat with the girl squad leads to Alya declaring that her best friend deserves the best. “I’m tired that Chloé gets away with everything for the sake of some high road. Forgiveness is nice and all, but don’t we deserve some justice too?”

Mylene: I want a friend who won’t smile when others make me cry.

Alix: it’s settled then. Either Adrien picks a side, or we choose it for him.

It took some calls to get the boys onboard. Kim and Nino were kind of reluctant for different reasons. Kim still had a lingering crush on Chloé, and Nino argued that his bro valued his first friend. But Ivan and the rest were on board. How dare Chloe make his girlfriend cry?

Nino decides to warn Adrien of what school will be like, telling him that their class is not happy he tolerates Chloé’s bullying and that they are taking a page out of his book. Until he proves that he’s got their back, the class will be giving Adrien the cold shoulder.

Adrien is shocked, asking how could they force him to choose between friends?

Nino sadly responds, “How could you smile as Chloé made Mylene cry?”

Adrien paused, a horrible feeling of guilt settling over him as he realized what he had done.

The next day, nobody but Chloé and Nino greeted Adrien. Even Marinette, while apple-cheeked, stared at the blackboard as if it were a tv screen.

After that, Adrien spent his time only with Chloé or Nino. More with Chloé since Nino does have a girlfriend.

Adrien misses his friends a lot, but doesn’t know what to do. Every time he greets them, they ignore him. Every time he offers an opinion, it’s like they never heard him.

At least he still had Nino and Chloé, though listening to the latter insult his former friends was depressing.

One day, as school ended, it was a rainy day. Before Adrien ran to the car, an umbrella was held over his head.

“Marinette?”

By now, Marinette had adjusted to the new circumstances. She avoided looking at Adrien, “Here.”

Hopeful, Adrien took the umbrella. “Thank you.”

Marinette cut him off. “Don’t thank me. I’m only returning what was due.”

Adrien paused then realized that the umbrella he held was familiar. It was the one he gave Marinette back on his second day of school.

Adrien looked up at Marinette, wanting to protest, but she was already running through the rain back to her bakery.

Adrien stilled. The impact dawning on him. Marinette would rather get soaked than use his umbrella.

He really had lost his friends. Tears welling up, Adrien quickly wiped them away before the Gorilla could see.

At home, Adrien hugged his pillow as Plagg tried to console him.

Adrien: what do I do Plagg? I’ve lost all my friends.

Plagg: Hmm...Adrien, what is a friend?

Adrien: a friend is someone who helps you, who cares for you genuinely. They’ve got your back. A friend is someone you enjoy spending time with, someone you can trust.

Plagg: and would you say you’ve been a friend to your class recently?

Adrien: of course I have been. I say hello, I try to talk to them, but they all ignore me.

Plagg: I meant, do you think you were their friend as Chloé insulted them and bullied them? You scolded her about it. How would you feel if Chloé stole all your Ladybug stuff and your friends just stood there, voicing their displeasure.

Adrien paused. “I would march over to Chloe and demand my stuff back. But I would feel disappointed that my friends wouldn’t do more for me.”

Plagg: then how do you think your class feels when Chloé bullies them and you voice your disapproval, but still remain friends with Chloe? Goth girl was locked in a bathroom and how do you think she felt seeing you remain friends with the girl who locked her in?

Adrien paled.

Plagg: Mylene keeps crying because of Blondie. How do you think she feels about you being blondie’s friend?

Unreliable, Adrien thought. “I get it Plagg. I’m a horrible friend. So how do I make it up to them?”

Plagg: you heard what glasses said, you have to prove you are their friend. You have to use more than words.

Adrien: you mean refuse to be Chloé’s friend until she starts turning nice again?

Plagg: yeah, they saw you try that already. You’re going to have to step up your game.

Adrien: what do you mean?

Plagg: the next time blondie steps over the line, you don’t just sit there and disapprove, you fight back.

But curse his bad luck, it takes until Zombizou before Adrien is given the chance to prove his sincerity. When Marinette accuses Chloé of sabotaging the gift, Adrien insists that Chloé learns to apologize to Marinette. Everyone is stunned.

Chloe relents when she realizes Adrien is willing to lose one of his few friends just to prove his point.

Next we have Frightningale where Adrien again refuses to acknowledge Chloé until she publicly apologizes to Clara.

Then we have Style Queen. This time Adrien makes an exception since Chloé has mother issues but he draws the line at trying to get Marinette exiled.

Adrien wonders if Chloe is a lost cause.

Chloé pleads for Adrien not to renounce their friendship. She doesn’t care about everyone else but she cares about him.

Adrien: you’ve always been nice to me, but if I let you become a horrible person, what does that say about me as a friend? Marinette has helped you reunite with your mother and you just tried to exile her. I told you, I can’t be friends with such a horrible person.

Chloé: but you promised.

Adrien: I made 2 promises and I can only keep one, it seems.

Chloé is speechless.

Marinette then throws the party for Chloe (after her talk with her as Ladybug), and lets Adrien know he really impressed the class. They never thought he would have defended them like that.

Adrien: does this mean we’re friends again?

Marinette nodded, teary eyed. “Of course.” (Think of Perks of being a wallflower)

Meanwhile, Chloé ponders her choices. She does not want to be nice, especially when her mother likes her being mean. But she doesn’t want to lose Adrien either.

Fine. she’ll compromise. She’ll become an ice queen.

#miraculous ladybug fanfic #miraculous ladybug fic #ml fanfic #ml fanfiction #ml fic #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #Adrien redemption #Adrien puts his foot down #post despair bear #Adrien salt #ml salt fic

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satanfemme · 2 years

Note

LITERALLY on that last post like. I've been trying to get into exercising again but chronic fatigue and everyone is just like :))) just exercise you'll have more energy :)))) and it's like. thanks Karen. wonder how I never thought of that before.

yeah :-( it literally sucks so bad, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this too. like literally why is everything in our culture about pushing yourself past your breaking point. "how to continue working despite burn out" mind-set. except if there's actually a solution to continuing to work despite burn out, I'd love to hear it! cause unfortunately I have to pay bills! and every day is just more torture for me rn!

like even my therapist keeps doing it where I try to explain that I can't do a lot of things rn. and I don't know if I'm just explaining my problems badly or something, like maybe if I just used different terms it'd come across better? or if she's not understanding or something, but her advice tends to be like.... just doing it anyway. it's insane. and if I express that this doesn't seem to be making things easier for me, that I've been "just doing it anyway" my whole life, she'll just break it down into ""smaller "" steps comprised of: Exactly what's making it so difficult in the first place. it's so circular.

literally an example from today: "I am constantly mentally/physically exhausted. each week just gets more impossible for me to handle anything outside of my job - which is an incredible daily challenge within itself. all I want is a life." -> well you sound lonely, why don't you try making friends? :-) -> "because of my aforementioned exhaustion this has become increasingly impossible for me irl, and though I'm maintaining connections online, my mental fatigue has made me feel 'disconnected' from other people, even if I care about them, and has been adding to my exhaustion rather than providing relief." -> if your online friendships are unfulfilling, you should just leave them and make friends in person instead :-) -> "ignoring that first part, as I have already said, this is impossible for me. to elaborate, every time I interact with someone in person I just don't know how to, which makes me come across as strange and distant as I attempt to mask my intense depression. and this whole situation is inherently overwhelming to me to the point of being 'roadblocked'. when this happens, I can not physically force myself to continue interacting, let alone initiate interactions." -> with practice socializing will get easier :-) it's important to leave your comfort zone! -> "I have literally been 'practicing' for 22 years and it has not gotten any easier. since starting work it has gotten exponentially more difficult for me. I'm not sure how repeatedly putting myself through this with the same results is going to help, I need a different angle. I promise I want more friends and I'm trying but I feel like I'm running into the same wall over and over again here. I am literally never inside my comfort zone." -> ok, ok, ok I understand. don't worry, this makes perfect sense and I've got a solution for you. so, what if instead of forcing yourself into social interactions with strangers... you instead.... went up to strangers and started a conversation :-)

and then at the end of every session she's like "so is there anything else you wanted to talk about this week?" and I'm just sitting there like. but ma'am, you didn't even solve... literally anything I brought up... at the beginning of this session. what do you mean "is there anything else". so idk whatever. I've already tried reaching out to a new therapist but dhfjghdfgf it sucks shit that I have literally NO fucking idea what else to do when all the advice I find is the same. and it's not even BAD ADVICE necessarily it just doesn't fit MY needs because I guess we're so engulfed in The Grind right now that anyone not being able to handle anything is some kind of freak anomaly and I just need to be Trying Harder or something.

(don/t reblog btw)

#Anonymous #also the fact that she told me to my face to leave my only friends.... what is wrong with her is she not listening to me at all #why would you say that to a person #''overwhelming stress and discomfort around strangers'' = good! taking a risk and leaving a comfort zone! just put up with those emotions!#''I love my friends but don't feel very present around them anymore'' = hm... sounds kinda unhealthy :/ maybe you should just give up?#awful awful awful awful die x1000 I hate therapists so much #negative #ask to tag

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fan4196 · 3 years

Text

How You Get the Girl

1989

(16x15 but it’s not Link at the door)

Stand there like a ghost

Shaking from the rain, rain

She'll open up the door

And say, are you insane, -ane?

Standing here right now, all the confidence he build up on his way up is gone. Simply gone. Looking at the brownish red medal door let's him rethink everything. He doesn't know if this was the right think to do anymore. He knows nothing is like it was when he left. Everything changed. Him leaving changed so much - for him, for her, everyone. Nothing could remake that mistake. He knows that leaving was the biggest mistake he could have ever made. And he needs to make it right again. He has no idea how but he at least has to try. After all that’s why he’s back - back to make things right again.

With a last deep breath he finally knocks on the door - hoping she was home but also hoping she wasn't. He doesn't know what she will say, what he will say, if she will listen or shut the door right in his face again. He shivers a little when he hears the door unlock and then squeal as it is pushed to the side.

"Oh my god." Her voice is surprised, her eyes look at him softly but also filled with tears and a little bit of anger. "Alex." Her voice is a whisper as she tightly pulls her arms around his neck. He did expect a lot but not this.

"Hi." He answers in a similar pitch as hers. Wrapping his arms around her as he buries his face in her hair.

He missed her so much. He can't describe how good it feels to hold her after what felt like years. She still smells like the prettiest wildflower field he ever knew, her hair is a little longer and also darker but she's still her.

"Are you insane? You're soaking." She starts worried as she unwraps her arms from his neck and quickly gets a towel while he's still standing in the door. "Give me this. Take your wet clothes off."

She grabs the suitcase from his hand and takes it inside while he quickly strips down his soaking wet jacked and takes his shoes and socks off.

"You wanna stay there forever or do you wanna come inside?" She asks with a smile as she puts his suitcase next to what used to be their bed.

"Jo I-"

Say it's been a long six months

And you were too afraid to tell her what you want, want

"It's been-" He starts as he slowly walks towards her.

"I know." She interrupts him as she looks up from her hands.

"Aren't you angry? Or- I don't know hate me?" He asks as he takes the place next to her on the little bench in front of what used to be their bed.

"I thought- I-" She takes his hand and looks at him with once again teary eyes, "I thought you were dead." She whispers, tears streaming down her face. "And whatever reason you had to not return my calls or texts, I'm just happy you're not dead." She squeezes his hand, "Which doesn't mean that I'm not hurt that you were somehow able to throw me away and ignore me like some piece of trash."

He opens his mouth to answer but he can't find the words. He doesn't know how to explain why he did what he did. Nothing can excuse what he did. He knows he needs to tell her but he's doesn't know how.

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl

And then you say

I want you for worse or for better

I would wait for ever and ever

Broke your heart, I'll put it back together

I would wait for ever and ever

"You are not trash, Jo." He breaks the silence that lingered in the room for a few minutes. "I'm sorry you felt like I was abandoning you. That was never my intention. I'm sorry I was gone for six weeks." His last sentences a whisper before he takes a breath and continues, "But I want you, Jo. I married you because I love you, nothing will change that. I promised you for better, for worse. I'm sorry I didn't return your texts or calls I just- I needed time. But I’m back to make things right and I understand if you need time now too. I'll make it right again, I'll do everything to make it right again."

His tone is honest, his eyes are filled with tears too and his voice cracks during his last sentence. She knows that he means what he's saying. She knows she can trust him. But it was so easy for him to lie to her and leave - to ignore her - she doesn't know if her broken heart will ever recover from it if he does it again.

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl, girl, oh

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl, girl

Remind her how it used to be, be

Yeah, with pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks, cheeks

Silence lingers in the loft for a few seconds before he leans to her nightstand and grabs the picture frame that she put there the day after they returned from their honeymoon.

"I'm not the person that I was in this picture because time went on, life went on and it changed me but I'm still Alex - the stupid idiot that loves you so much that he can't imagine a life without you. I wanna grow old with you no matter what. I'm your Alex and nothing will ever change that."

Tell her how you must've lost your mind

When you left her all alone and never told her why, why

"I- ah I have kids Jo."

"What?"

"Izzie had my kids. Twins. A boy and a girl, they are five." He looks at her to see if she wants to say something but she keeps quiet as she turns her view away from him.

"When we reached out to the Doctors for Mer's trial, I also reached out to Izzie. We talked and I heard kids in the background. I asked her if she had kids and she said yes. She was silent for a few seconds after my question but then said that she used the frozen eggs. Since that second my brain didn't work properly anymore. It turned into autopilot and all I could think about was to go there and meet them. They are mine. They are perfect and I don't want to miss another second of their life but I love you - way to much to ever leave you behind. I could never do that and you now that because I told you so way to many times. I'm sorry I didn't tell you and I'm sorry I left you not knowing where I was. I'm sorry, Jo."

"You have kids." She answers still not looking at him.

"Yes." He answers simply.

"And you didn't tell me." She replies, turning her head to look at him for the first time again.

"I was afraid-"

"Of what? That I get angry at something you did years ago when you wanted to help your dying wife? Didn't we talk about that exact topic years ago? What were you afraid of?" She asks, looking at him.

"That I might loose you because another woman had my kids. That this news is just another trigger to push you back into depression. That- I don't know, my brain wasn't working properly. I just needed to figure it out on my own first." He answers holding eye contact because right now that's all he needs in this situation - seeing every single emotion and reaction she wasn't telling him verbally.

"And I get that. You shut down before you come and talk to me but why lying to me?" She asks not breaking eye contact either because she knows in serious conversations like this he needs to look her in the eyes.

"I don't know. I'm sorry." He answers a little more quiet than before.

A nod is all she answers. She knows that he’s sorry, he said it many times already, "What are their names?"

"Alexis and Eli." He answers simply, thinking about them for the first time since he set foot in what he once called home.

"You have a picture?"

"Yeah." He gets his phone out of his pocket and puts a picture up on it of the two five year olds smiling in the camera.

"They look so much like you."

"Mmhhh."

Silence lingers in the loft for a few minutes while they both keep looking at the picture.

"Please don't ever do something like this again, ok? Please talk to me or at least say something like 'Jo listen I need to do something. I can't talk about it yet but I will when I'm ready.' Ok?"

"I'm so sorry, Princess." He whispers as he buries his face deep in her necks.

"I know." Is all she answers, wrapping her arms a little tighter around his neck.

And that's how it works

That's how you got the girl

@thejolexgroupchat

#jolex #fan4196 #fanfic #fanfiction #jo x alex #alex #alex karev #grey's #grey's anatomy #grey's fanfic #tsjolexweek21

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alietohelpyouseethetruth · 3 years

Text

Where do I even begin.

My best friend and I bonded over a English band called Hurts. By that I mean she did not like me but then found out I was the only other person she knew who listened to them and gave me a chance. She has become one of the most important people in my life and has helped me more than another human should ever be expected to help someone. And she loves me now because I am super cool. That band has a been a fun and exciting note of our friendship, something that bonded us because it felt like it was only our thing. I know there are thousands of people listening around the world to this band but in my little world, it’s just me and her, it’s ours, and it is special.

This music video hurt my feelings.

I had just come out of a pretty severe depression, and I was still pretty fragile. My friend came over after going to therapy with me (yeah, we’re that close) and we chilled out and watched Hurts music videos like we do every so often to celebrate the blossoming of our unlikely friendship. Neither of us had kept up with the band super well so we hadn’t seen this one yet. It absolutely floored me. As soon as it was over I replayed it. Wow.

Theo Hutchcraft said in an interview that this was the most honest song he had ever written. And it is so beautifully and bravely honest. It felt universal when I watched the video and listened to the lyrics, and yet it also felt very personal, like he wrote it for me to hear so I would feel understood.

Lyrically the song is pretty simple and that is the way to write a depression song. There is a place for fantastical words and poetry, but when you are trying to communicate so big, the best way to do it is to take the big thing and condense it into something simple. That is what is most powerful. That is how it is best understood, and more importantly felt.

It broke my heart to hear it, to know that he was feeling like this. That single emotion he captured and built around, “It might not be good enough, but it’s all I have to give,” is so universally felt. It really gives insight into where he was at in the feeling of being depressed, not the beginning when you’re ashamed and trying to deny it, not the middle where you feel sorry for yourself and indulge in feeling sick and self-destructive, but the end. The part where you come to realize this is who you are. This is what it is. This is all you’ve got. You look in the mirror and realize that you can’t hide from it.

“The walls are closing in” is a line that might easily be ignored, but it really sets the tone and helps people see from the outside how strong the effect the sickness can have on your mind. You feel like its all coming down around you, even when the room is still. I also really appreciate the underlying positivity and hope that he has weaved into it, lines like “make the best of the state I am in”, “I don’t know why I’m hiding from the truth”, and “I’m destined to suffer until I discover the reasons I’m afraid”, that make you feel like he is ready to look into getting help.

The video itself (spoiler alert) is so phenomenal in the message it communicates because it shows Theo beaten, broken, in a dirty bathroom trying to recover from a open wound. That is the drama we want to see as consumers. We want the blood and the shaky breaths to communicate to us the intensity of the emotion. We want it to look big and dramatic. But that’s not what it’s like. That’s not what depression is. There’s no production to it, but it is just as painful as bleeding out alone in a public bathroom. As the video progresses and the illusion breaks down, with people taking down the set and even removing the bandage to show there’s no wound, it brings that I’m-about-to-die-alone-in-a-gas-station feeling into reality. Theo really brings it home, standing there shirtless at the end of the video, not stylized to be sexy, but just exposed. This is what it is. This is what it looks like. As he sings the last verse he can’t even look directly into the camera, because the shame of being that honest in that state can be so overpowering. It was so genius the way he was able to take the pain and intensity of the feelings, and show them to us, and then slowly break them down, showing that such strong feelings can be so easily hidden behind a pretty average expression.

Bro if you relate to this song please get help because you deserve to not feel like that.

Another thing I love is the notion that even in this broken state, Theo still wants to give. He still wants to “be there for his brother and strong for his mother,” he still wants to connect with others and help even in that state. He writes that he’s pushing his friends away and keeping things from his mother not because he doesn’t want to be close, but because he knows the intense pain he feels will hurt them too and he wants to protect them. That feeling of “you may be right…I never open up, but this is all I have to give,” that feeling when you don’t even feel like you have the inner strength to ask for help, and there’s a part of you begging that this version of you is enough for the ones you love.

Depression isn’t beautiful. Theo and Adam mentioned in an interview that they weren’t really able to be creative in that state. It didn’t inspire them, it suffocated them, and it wasn’t until it lessened that they were able to express it. Depression isn’t beautiful. It’s not fun being heartbroken. It’s not glamorous to grieve. So why do we write about it? Why do we turn it into art? I think it is of course because we are seeking to be understood, to express ourself, to connect with others. But there is also something empowering about taking something like this, something with no joy, no pleasure, and turning it into something that is beautiful. You took something awful and made something good with it. You took a negative and squeezed out some little ounce of positivity. That is what it means to be human.

Anyway here are the lyrics in case you don’t feel like googling

You're staring in the mirror

Watching as the walls are closing in

A shadow of a figure

Tryna make the best of this state that I am in

I guess I could do with the friends

I've been pushing away

But I'm destined to suffer

Until I discover he reasons I'm afraid

God knows I try

It might not be good enough

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give

You might be right, sometimes

I never open up

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give

You're staring in the mirror

Picturing the face of a younger man

He buries it away

'Cause he's gotta try and cope in a way he understand

Be there for your brother

And strong for your mother again

'Cause he's too young to get it and she'll get upset

If she knows you feel the pain

God knows I try

It might not be good enough

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give

You might be right, sometimes

I'm too scared to open up

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give to you

I tell myself there's nothing left to lose

I don't know why I'm hiding from the truth

I face myself and all I see is you

Is you

You're staring in the mirror

Watching as the walls are closing in

But God knows I try (God knows)

It might not be good enough (might not be good enough)

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give

You might be right, sometimes

I'm too scared to open up

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give to you

To you

This is all I have to give

youtube

#hurts #songwriting #lyrics #music videos #allihavetogive #allihavetogivehurts #allihavetogivemusicvideo #depression #helladepression #supersadmusic #theo hutchcraft #adam anderson #rambleingsofagirlwithtoomanyfeelings #art #ART!#yeah #Youtube

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fiveisnumber1 · 3 years

Note

Because I have no shame about cluttering your inbox and cuz this is cathartic to me since it's finals season and among final project papers I actually enjoy writing all this... Here's a full breakdown of Lover of Mine by 5SOS in regards to Five and Reader. 😃 You can actually copy paste this with my previous response instead of posting it twice if you feel that's easier for you btw.

Lover of mine. Maybe we'll take some time. Kaleidoscope mind, Gets in the way. Hope and I pray. Darling, that you will stay. Butterfly lies Chase them away. Hmm.

This part is purely Five. His "kaleidoscope mind" is employed in different directions. Escaping the commission, saving his family, stopping the apocalypse. It gets in the way of his reunion with the reader and he hopes that she will stay despite his flakiness just until he has saved the world and time to give to her.

Dance around the living room. Lose me in the sight of you. I've seen the red, I've seen the blue. Take all of me. Lead to where your secrets are. Where we've been a thousand times. Swallow every single lie. Take all of me.

I feel like Red here could mean Blood and Blue as in Depression or PTSD. This part is the reader asking Five to open up about his trauma. She's patiently waiting and "swallowing his lies" aka his secrecy. She's waiting for him to open up because they're the only ones for each other. It's where they've been a thousand times, as in, always there for each other no matter what. She'll wait for him and until he can open up they can be the people who they used to be and "dance around the living room" and lose themselves in the sight of each other. Simply existing as the best friends they were before everything went sideways is the reprieve they've both longed for.

I'll never give you away. 'Cause I've already made that mistake. If my name never fell off your lips again, I know it'd be such a shame. When I take a look at my life And all of my crimes. You're the only thing that I think I got I right. I'll never give you away. 'Cause I've already made, Already made that mistake

So this portion is Five's again. He never wants to give up reader again like he had to when he was stuck in the apocalypse. He's already made that mistake and regrets is deeply. He's terrified that she'd reject him and no longer want anything to do with him cuz of all he's put her through. First with stranding her in time and then with ignoring her in favor of preventing the apocalypse. He's terrified she'd never say his name again and that she'd be better off without him. When he looks back on his mistakes: jumping through time with her when he wasn't ready, getting them both stuck, becoming a murder machine for the commission, endangering his family though them cuz he's trying to prevent the apocalypse he feels terrible. So he feels like coming back to reader after so long and saving her and his brothers and sisters is the only worthwhile thing he's managed to accomplish.

Lover of mine. I know you're colorblind. I watched the world fall from your eyes. Ooh. All my regrets And things you can't forget. Light them all up. Kiss them goodbye.

So this is Reader again. She knows Five is 'colorblind'. I take this to mean his perceptions are skewed. He's wildly traumatized and has seen a lot of stuff that has scarred him and took an impact on him socially as well. He's also got a pretty low esteem of himself as far as his relationship with the reader and his siblings is concerned cuz he keeps blaming himself for not getting everything right (esp in S2). She watched him as he fought against the apocalypse multiple times. She watched him fear for her and his family if the world were to fall. She wants him to forget all the regrets, both his and hers, and let it go. To light it up and leave it behind, as much as can be done, so there's no more pain and hauntings of the past now that they're finally back together which is the real important thing and not how they got to where they are. She knows he can't forget the apocalypse but she does want him to forget the self blame and helplessness he associates with it.

Sooooo... There we are 🤓😁 I hope you liked this extensive song analysis once more. The more I listen to songs, the more ideas come to mind and then I can't not voice the so thanks for allowing me to send them. Hopefully you won't get fed up of this 😅

Lover of mine. Maybe we'll take some time. Kaleidoscope mind, Gets in the way. Hope and I pray. Darling, that you will stay. Butterfly lies Chase them away. Hmm.

So I took this as the reader trying to help Five adjust to being and wanting her to stay with him. She understands that things will take time to even get remotely to “normal” but his running around and not telling her what’s going on gets in the way. So she wants to get rid of whatever is troubling him in hopes that he’ll stay with her.

I felt this was something that could apply both to the reader and Five. They have both been through some rough stuff and now here they are in each other’s sights again. The two of them want to be as close as they were before they were separated and accept everything the other person has become but they’re still hiding their feelings. So they’re asking the other to lead them to their secrets so that they can be fully open about everything and “take all of (each other)”

For this section, I also want to focus on the lines of “When I take a look at my life And all of my crimes. You're the only thing that I think I got I right.” because I don’t think Five’s “crimes” are only just what you listed. I completely agree with those being mistakes but I’d even go further as to say that he feels the reader is the ONLY thing he got right. Five was never happy to be a part of the academy, he was forced to do the bidding of Reginald as a child soldier. His whole life except for the reader has been a series of trauma and mistakes so much so that he feels the singular thing that he did right was bringing the reader into his life.

Lover of mine. I know you're colorblind. I watched the world fall from your eyes. Ooh. All my regrets And things you can't forget. Light them all up. Kiss them goodbye.

Okay so for these lines I actually took them as coming from Five’s perspective with “lover of mine, I know you’re colorblind” meaning both that the reader doesn’t quite see all that he’s went through but the reader also doesn’t acknowledge the things that he felt he did “wrong” because in her mind he hasn’t done “wrong”. With the lines “I watched the world fall from your eyes.”, Five was the reader’s world and he had to watch the reader die. “All my regrets And things you can't forget. Light them all up. Kiss them goodbye.” With this, I feel it is Five addressing the things that he regrets such as his arrogance the day he jumped and pulling the reader through time and abandoning her. He is also thinking of the things the reader can’t forget...the harsh words he said to her before disappearing and the fact that she thought he was mad at her all those years. Lighting those things up and kissing them goodbye is his way of showing that he’s trying to move on and be better for the both of them

Sorry it’s so long! Hope you like it all though!

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marshmallowprotection · 4 years

Note

Damn, sorry to send yet another ask; also, thank you for your response to my last one. Writing out my feelings as well as reading your response did help me calm down ^^

But there's... there's another thing, and I hope you don't mind this topic, it's kinda heavy. If it's too much, you can go ahead and ignore this.

Erm... self harm warning? Ha...

That was the thing. Is the thing. That I started doing due to that friendship. I think it was curiosity more than anything.

...I don't have depression. Anxiety, yes, and sometimes I get frustrated at myself/my disorder, but not depression. I'm not suicidal either. Sometimes I hurt myself when I'm stressed or anxious, sometimes I do it just because... I need to. I need to and I like it and no one tells me why it's wrong. Why is it wrong?? I honestly don't understand. I'm careful; scratching and biting doesnt cause anything severe... and I'm careful otherwise. I'm not hurting anyone else. I'm not depressed. I'm not suicidal. I just like it and it- it... I'm such a freak, ugh, but I can't help the fact that I like it.

I don't do it all the time, it's kind of an off-and-on thing. Just whenever I have the urge.

And my mom... maybe at some point I might've considered telling her, but now I know that I never will. She's made some comments recently about cutters that... they aren't rude or anything, they just show that she'll never understand me. And I don't want to risk emotionally hurting her because she won't understand.

...why is it wrong? No one can answer me. All that comes out of it is relief, even if it isn't exactly the best means. So what's wrong with it?

I've told a number of my friends, actually, and I can tell they don't know what to do. I have one friend who occasionally asks me how I'm doing in regards to that, but I can tell they just... are lost. Don't want to deal with it because they don't know what to do.

I don't want to be stopped. But... maybe if someone could understand me for once and tell me why it's wrong, maybe that person would be able to convince me...

The only thing that stops me before I do it (besides lacking energy/a true desire to do it)... Ugh, this is going to sound so pathetic. Relying on someone who doesn't even exist. But it's Saeyoung... sometimes just imagining his face gives me pause; I hesitate.

But he's not real. Even if he was, who's to say he'd be able to give me an answer?

Maybe I'll never find anyone who can convince me. That's... that's fine. I don't want to be stopped. I only know destructive means of releasing anger, and tearing paper doesn't work that well. Biting my hand, however, brings immediate calm.

I did it right in front of my mom out of habit during an argument which was stressing me out. Immediate relief. She didn't even realize what I was doing.

[417]

TW: Self-Harm, Cutting, Depression, Anxiety

Self-Harm is a dangerous thing to pick up. It doesn’t just mean cutting. It means that you could deny yourself things or bite yourself or crawl at your skin. It’s not something to feel ashamed of or feel guilty about because feelings are very hard to deal with in a healthy way when you don’t have a safe space or people that you can reach out to that can show you better ways to cope with your pain and depression. So, I hope that you know that you’re not a bad person and that it will get better in your life.

This is something that is going to take some time to work on. You’re not hurting anyone but yourself, dear. Nobody deserves to suffer or feel horrible. I’m sorry that you’ve been hurting and that nobody has been able to gently guide you and show you that life can be worth living when you know where to start to help yourself feel better again. One doesn’t have to have depression per se to have struggles with self-harm, either.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel safe enough to open up to your family about this, or your friends. Self-harm is addictive, and it’s very hard to stop once you’ve had the time to start it. It’s harmful to you. Do you deserve to be hurt? No. You don’t. Nobody does. You’re looking for something to help you feel something other than numbness, and yes, pain is a feeling that one can have but it’s not the feeling that you need.

I don’t want to scold you or shame you, so I hope that my tone is coming across gently because I do worry about you! I worry about anyone that is struggling with so much pain in their heart on their own. I know how hard that is. The answer that you’re looking for is for someone to tell you that you matter, that your life matters, that your existence matters. It does. I promise you that it does mean something to many people.

You can’t wait for someone to tell you that all the time, but I understand that people want to hear it from the ones that they love the most. There’s no right thing to tell you other than that I hope that you know that you can find better ways to cope with your pain. It’s harmful because it isn’t helping you sort out your feelings. It’s just hurting you in more ways than you’re able to see.

If you would like to know better ways to cope with self-harm, I can direct you to some better coping mechanisms and references that you can check out. I’ve had many people tell me that biting into lemons or drinking something really tart can jolt you out of feeling numb. That’s one of the major things with self-harm, trying to feel something that isn’t numbness. My fiance stands by submerging your face in ice water for a few seconds to deal with his urges. He’s a few years into his recovery, so I trust him with that theory.

There are other ways to be mindful and help yourself. I promise. If you want to talk more, I’m always here and I’m always willing to listen to whatever you have to say. If you just need a void to scream into, just let it out. Your mother may not understand, but if you’re old enough, you can speak to your doctor about getting someone to talk to about this. I think 16 is the minimum age or that in many of the states.

Now, for the other half of what you said. Don’t feel ashamed for coping with a character. In many cases, that’s the only outlet that many young people have to hold onto you. The only reason that I, for example, was able to deal with what happened to me throughout my childhood and recently, my adulthood, was the fact that I could clutch onto a character to feel better. I still do it. I close my eyes and imagine that comfort character reassuring me. It’s not silly, it’s not wrong, and if it helps you, don’t let anyone make you feel bad.

I’m so very self-insert and OC positive because I know how important it is for people to cope with their pains and woes. Sometimes, you just want to flirt with a cute character, or you want to be cherished, and you find that in a character. I think that’s sweet. Our brains don’t go “fictional” or “real”, if you love something or someone, that love is tried, true, and real. You love him. That’s real, and he would want you to be happy and taken care of.

That’s real. Saeyoung wants you to be happy and wants you to be able to live your life. He’s always willing to listen if you need to write to him. I do that at times, just writing out how I feel and how I know Saeran would talk to me back about it. They empathize and understand your pain. They would want you to feel okay but they would never shame you for hurting. Nobody should. I hope that you can feel better in the future and that you always remember that things will be okay.

Fight for yourself and for your happiness, easier said than done, but I believe in you! I actually wrote a writing trade for someone who has similar struggles if you would like to read that with Saeyoung.

#tw self harm #tw cutting #tw depression #tw anxiety #tw self blame #417 anon #ask #mod kait

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