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#james corden sucks
jeffstincotingz · 1 year
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Oh. My. Gosh!!!!! Look at what I just found right here:
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Here, as you can see, Jeff Stinco is listed on the website called OnThisDay.com, where they have listed him under the August 22, 1978 section underneath "Famous Birthdays".
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Sometimes between 2018 or 2019, On This Day listed James Corden next to Jeff Stinco, who is still in the "Famous Birthdays" section for August 22, 1978, and I am supposed to be okay with that? This is not right at all.
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Here are the people born on August 22, 1975. Jeff Stinco isn't even listed here, for crying out loud!
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Here, they made Jeff's name go up in terms of popularity between him and James Corden. At least they knew something they didn't know about. But they still went ahead and made his year of birth/age incorrect!
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Here is a full length version of famous people who were born in August 1975, and Jeff Stinco is not even listed on there, he's listed on the August 1978 section instead! What the firetruck?????
This isn't even funny. This isn't even that funny. This is not funny at all! Is On This Day joking? Do these people know that this is a game? I'm really angry about this. They literally put Jeff Stinco and James Corden right next to each other on the August 22, 1978 section on their website. You can't just put this iconic pop punk king next to some loser who does carpool karaokes for a living on his talk show and who can't act to save his life like that! That's not how it works around here, On This Day!
Here, in the world of Jeff Stinco, you have to at least fucking try to get his year of birth and his age correctly right. 1978 is not the year he was born in!
Jeff Stinco was born in 1975, meaning that he was born around the same time as Charlize Theron (who was born sixteen days before Jeff) and Rodrigo Santoro!
He was not born around the same time as James Corden and Kobe Bryant!
Jeff Stinco and James Corden don't even belong together, and I wouldn't want to believe that a beautiful angelic man like Jeff, would be born around the same time as some slimy slimeball talk show host!
Now what if I changed every single website and told everybody that Jeff Stinco was born in 1975 and that he should've been a Grammy winner, a Oscar winner, a Emmy winner, and also even a Tony winner, to make him become a EGOT at 47 years old?
Now that is some comedy gold right there.
Because Jeff Stinco, Charlize Theron, Sara Ramirez, Mbali Gasa, Sheree Murphy, Shelly Cole, Vera Jordanova, Daniella van Graas, Stéphanie Szostak, Eliza Carthy, Shaniqua Miles, Chynna Clugston Flores, Eicca Toppinen, Kyle Cook, Nick Loeb, Rodrigo Santoro, Casey Affleck, Taika Waititi, Mandy Leigh, Ingrid Rubio, Aryiro Strataki, Chris Nevin, N.D. Kalu, Trevor Pryce, Andy Hallett, Beau Morgan, Kaipo Spenser, Antony Cotton, Jamie McGonnigal, Renate Götschl, Rik Platvoet, Victor Zambrano, Alshermond Singleton, Edgar Renteria, Jimmy van Fessem, Koray Candemir, Jeremy Scott, Mahesh Babu, Mathew James Coad, Mike Lamb, Lise Mackie, Davey von Bohlen, Ronald Clarke, Anders Myrvold, Paul Gaudoin, Raegan Scott, Regan Upshaw, James Carpinello, Jason Gleasman, Joe Perry, Shoaib Akhtar, Mike Vrabel, Viaceslav Ivanovski, Bertrand Berry, Vijay Bharadwaj, Didier Agathe, Felicia Zimmermann, George Stults, İlhan Mansız, Simon Katich, Marcus Mastin, Marianne Garvey, Tracie Thoms, Alicia Witt, Charles Cornelius Smith, Clint Bolton, Robert Enes, Joe Andruzzi, Mark de Vries, Jeremy Horn, Molly Tuter, Petria Thomas, Morgan Ensberg, Shea Seals, Jonny Moseley, Mark Rudan, Gareth Farrelly, Jamie Cureton, Dante Basco, Radhi Jaïdi, Takahiro Suwa, Daniel Harding, James Black, Gaahl, Mase, and Mineiro all share the same birthday month and year as each other.
August 1975.
Is when these people were born.
That.
Just that.
That alone is literally funny.
Jeff Stinco and 81 other famous people were all born on August 1975.
It's way better than just putting Jeff's name up with people like James Corden, Kobe Bryant, Jess Margera, Kel Mitchell, Amber Brkich, and Countess Vaughn, and then claiming that he was born on August 1978, just like them, but he is not.
Holy Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Girmante Vaikute, I am so angry right now. I am so angry at these people and these websites not knowing who Jeff Stinco is and what year he was born in.
If James Corden ever starts doing a carpool karaoke episode with Jeff Stinco when he finally comes back to singing again on his talk show, I will lose my shit at this and there will be h-e-double hockey sticks to pay.
How dare you compare Jeff to that loser who is not a good actor, who is not a good comedian, his jokes are not even that funny, and oh, should I say this, he is terrible to his fans too, may I should say it again for once though?
I got anger management issues about three different things all at once: Jeff Stinco's year of birth and his age not being right by people, images and videos of Britney Spears attending the premiere of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood still being there on her name to this very exact day, and men with beards having no more than over 100,000 tweets to their names on Twitter and they are the ones who are child sex predators who does bad things to children. Those are the real things I am disgruntled about.
You're in a world into not being a Stinc Icon, On This Day. Screw your "accuracies" if you can't get Jeff's age right!
Make Jeff Stinco a singer again, On This Day. You'll get it right soon, you know? And he will get his singing career back and live his life in peace, thank you very much for reading this and goodbye ;)
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braverytattoos · 1 year
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a lot of things seem to be falling into place.....like this random BUA that we didn’t need whatsoever, the harry reference, niall and louis’ shows being cancelled, 3/5 probably in LA, them mentioning each other at award shows, in documentaries.....this is more than we’ve gotten in awhile so idk maybe its time?
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JAMES CORDEN WAS IN THE ORIGINAL RUN OF THE HISTORY BOYS?????????? oh my god that makes such horrifying perfect sense
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fuggnuckets · 2 years
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All the late night hosts now suck ass
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svtskneecaps · 1 year
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GAH I FORGOT JAMES CORDEN WAS IN THE 2014 INTO THE WOODS MOVIE MUSICAL 🤮
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hyacinth-quinn · 2 years
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Jared Leto and James Corden feel like the same person in different fonts
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erodasfishtacos · 2 years
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Madly In Love
* a mini mini curious gazes for hslotrry/something to hold you over :)))*
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Angelique, Sam, Tasha, and Alice were absolutely shocked and excited when a group of people knock on their door and ask if they’d like to be a part of The Late Late Show with Harry Styles.
They all managed to plan it cool and managed not to disclosed that they’d all went to Harryween Night One and Two plus Love on Tour.
It seems like a cruel joke until James Corden is ringing their doorbell, standing alone before Harry pops out of the corner with a shy smile - clearly following behind the host.
After the shot, all the camera crew pile in to begin to set up - Harry shakes each other the girls hands and introduces himself like they don’t know who he is.
As everyone waits around for it to be all set up, Alice whispers sharply to her friends, “Holy shit. Look who just walked in the front door!”
They all whips their heads to see YN Styles, stepping through the threshold with a iced coffee and Ben Winston next to her - chatting away.
In awe, they all watch as she steps into the living room and notices the girls standing in their little group.
When she walks over, they’re a bit gobsmacked by how gorgeous she is up close, she smells like chanel number five mixed with dark tobacco that most likely rubbed off on her from Harry.
“Hi! I’m YN,” She greets brightly, nodding toward Harry who’s talking to James, “Thanks for letting him use your apartment. It reminds me of our flat right after he lost x-factor.”
“Heyyyy,” Harry manages to eavesdrop, striding over and giving YN a firm pinch to the bum, “I came in third and I think m’doing alright for myself.”
“Third isn’t first,” YN teases, Alice thinks that they’ve had this debate before and she knows it’s going to rile him up, “But whatever helps you sleep at night.”
Harry is giving his wife a stare-down, eyes narrowed and he’s trying to tamper down a smile before crew shouts to get everybody in order.
YN takes a spot in a corner chair that’s out of shot, sipping on her coffee, and watching with a fond smile as James asks the girls questions.
Alice can’t help but notice all the small interactions they have throughout the day.
Harry will go over to YN at random points during breaks where they have to rearrange the cameras and whisper lowly to her.
It usually results in her running a hand through his hair, squeezing his hip, and rubbing her thumb over his puffy lips almost to soothe him.
Harry is so so sweet is the thing but it’s obvious to all of the girls how uncomfortable he is, in comparison to James who has no ounce of shyness in his body.
When he’s piled on the couch with them, Angelique notices how tense he holds himself, kindly putting as much space as possible and hesitating when James tells him to move closer to them.
Harry goes along with what James says, for the most part.
Alice catches whispered words between the couple as they set up for Harry to film in their bathtub.
“James wants me to take my shirt off,” Harry quietly tells his wife, his eyes searching her face, “And I don’t want to.”
YN doesn’t laugh at him or roll her eyes, she replies back - tone soft and understand, “Then tell him that, bunny. You don’t ever have to do anything like that when you don’t want to.”
Harry then leans down and nuzzles his nose against his wife’s, giving her a quick kiss, and asking, “Do you think m’just being dumb? Take my clothes off all the time. Just feels weird to do in this apartment with -“
Alice watches as YN stops him with a squeeze to his bicep, seriousness in her voice when she tells him, “You are not being dumb. It doesn’t matter that you don’t mind being shirtless other times. If you’re mind is telling you that you don’t want to, you need to listen, H.”
Alice realizes that YN must help him not get sucked in by influences, Harry seems so kind and eager to please that sometimes he might have trouble saying no - especially to his friends like James.
“Thank you,” He murmurs to her, his large hand resting on her thigh, “I think we’re almost done. We can go to that pizza place down the road? Then can we go take a bath?”
YN giggles fondly, readjusting his chunky necklace and fixing his hair, “If you’re good.”
“M’always good for you, darling,” Harry replies with a pout but he’s pulled away from the conversation by James.
Alice always had wondered how they’d stayed together all this time and now realizes how obvious the answer is.
They’re still madly madly in love.
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what do you think harries main issues with louis are? i’m a newer louie and i can’t wrap my head around why they are so hateful toward him. i understand liking what you like and disliking what you dislike but? louis has never ever spoken ill of harry and he stays in his lane. i don’t understand why they care so much and go out of their way to be mean to him. just yesterday the beatles biopic news came out so people then said they want something like this for 1d and a bunch of harries were tweeting stuff like "louis theater would be empty" , "louis would only make 1 us dollar at the box office" , "two of the movies would flop" and the same person that tweeted that then would reply being like "i never mentioned louis but see how they’re jumping me…" like stop being fucking obtuse we know how you guys operate???? this was kind of a lot but i just don’t understand what their problem is. maybe they’re just being hateful for fun but i can’t let it not irk me. i try to ground myself and be like …'whatever louis is talented and loved!' but it still eats at me and i think its mainly because i just don’t understands where they are coming from. i understand harries have a large ego due to harry’s own success but its still confusing
The reason, I think, boils down to this.
“We all have our own hardcore fan base that almost work as an extension of our personalities. I am lucky in that everywhere I go & every gig I play, the type of fanbase that I have is so intense that it creates for such an amazing atmosphere.” - Louis Tomlinson, TMRW magazine.
Harry’s brand, his approach to entertainment, is to define success by social climbing and wealth. This ethos defines Harry’s every public action. Harry Styles will never appear with a book just because he likes to read. Every celebrity he shows up with is there to promote and be promoted. Harry will wear clothing and jewelry like a billboard. His entire existence is to be a billboard. A new ring? It’s to promote something. New tattoo? Promoting something. Harries and Larries take this cue unconsciously, so they internalize Harry’s values of greed and power, using other people as they use him.
Harry’s interactions with his fans are always warm from the stage in front of cameras, but otherwise he’s distant, untouchable, unreachable. He’s available only to influencers and others who can promote him, to people who pay for access (Lane One, DEMAND), to the famous and wealthy. Harry Styles has truly exemplified (his friends) the Kardashians’ Principle: publicity, publicity, publicity. His fans learn from his behavior. They understand that in Harryverse, money and power are the ultimate values. Those who have less power and wealth are to be abused. Harry makes jokes at his ex-bandmate’s expense (Ringo etc.), and his fans are simply an extension of his personality.
Louis’ ethos is, in many ways, the complete opposite of Harry’s. Louis is in a position to sell VIP and dynamically priced tickets, and to charge for meet & greets, but (to Matt Vines’ frustration) he won’t. Louis has openly criticized “greedy fuckers” in the industry. Louis tends to avoid those in entertainment who play the social climbing game— he stays away from Ben Winston and James Corden, who are great friends with Harry, and to whom Niall sucks up. We might get frustrated that Louis doesn’t backslap and gladhand, but that is Louis’ principle. During the pandemic, Louis made Twitter videos advocating care “for the most vulnerable in Doncaster” and championed food aid for poor children. Meanwhile, Harry biked with Rande Gerber, drove in a convertible with Kendall Jenner, debuted a romance with Olivia Wilde in LA at the height of COVID deaths, and went to Michelin starred restaurants in Italy. Louis featured a grieving widower in his music video, Two Of Us, not an A-list celebrity or TikTok influencer nor wearing designer clothes he’s paid to advertise. Louis’ work ethic is basically to let the work speak for itself, not to sell it on the basis of marketing. This is exactly opposite to what Harry does.
When interviewers ask Louis and Harry questions, they are reflecting this difference in ethics. They interview Harry obsequiously, as if they are themselves subservient and inferior. They interview Louis from a position of power, ready to abuse him. They understand the hierarchy as well as fans do. The interviewers aren’t better or worse people than either men; they just act differently in front of them because of their industry power. Nothing illustrates the difference better than comparing two men from the same band.
Fans understand this dynamic very well. Harries are often the people in society who want to win at any cost, and they feel vicariously victorious if they stan Harry Styles, and even more so if they can piggyback onto Harry’s and his team’s contempt for others who are not as wealthy or powerful. Nothing illustrates this better than abusing the blacklisted ex-bandmate.
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sunflowerkissess · 2 years
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alone time
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masterlist
request: 
— Hiii!!! One-Shot Request: Harry and Y/N want a night to themselves if you know what I mean and they send mateo to spend the night with anne or gemma maybe and mateo gets upset and can’t fall asleep from the separation anxiety of being away from his parents and suddenly really misses them and wants to go home *poor baby🥺🥺* and even though they may be slightly annoyed their sexy-time got cut short they would do anything for mateo and they go pick him up and comfort the poor upset baby.
summary: a three year old mateo spends the night at anne’s house so harry and y/n can have a date night for themselves 
word count: 11.2k+
warnings: language, fluff, angst, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, folks) , mentions of smut
note: i changed things up a bit if that's okay 😀. also this is my first time writing smut so i have no clue if it’s going to be great or not, hopefully when i write more of it the better it'll be. and sorry that it's too long and took too long to come out! i didn’t intend for it to be this fucking long but i’ve rewritten this several fucking times and this one seemed to stick. sorry if it sucks or seems rushed in some places. 
Feedback and reblogs are appreciated!
Enjoy!
Having a three year old instead of a two year old was great for many things. They’re talking to you and copying what you or others do, and get excited when around kids. They can walk and run around by themselves without their parents' help. There’s a lot of pros that come with a three year old and also a lot of cons.
But there was one thing that wasn’t really a con, but a thing that broke Y/N and Harry’s hearts every time.
Separation anxiety.
Harry and Y/N couldn't go anywhere without having a wailing Mateo toddling after them. Tearing running down his chubby cheeks, his face red and green eyes glazed over in tears.
The separation anxiety didn’t go away, even on the road during tour it didn’t go away and Harry and Y/N didn’t have time for themselves. And when they did and had someone watch their son, they had to come back because no one could calm Mateo down.
And him having his temper tantrums gone was a good thing because putting him in timeout was a big break to their hearts. Hearing his crying and sniffling echoing throughout the room where they were sitting and where he was until his time was up. Having horrible headaches that are so horrible from the screaming, stomping, and crying that comes from little Mateo’s lungs.
With those separation anxiety it was really hard to have some alone time together. Their sex lives were suffering because of their son, as much as they love him, they just need some time to themselves.
They're lucky enough to have a quickie in the laundry room, car, bedroom in the early morning or when Mateo is down for a nap or at night when he's asleep. But most of the time it's interrupted by their son.
Thankfully for them it seems that Anne has read their minds when they're over for dinner or lunch. One night before they were getting ready to go to bed, Anne called her son to let them know that if they needed someone to watch Mateo so they could go on a date she could.
And she just wanted to see her grandson. Along with giving Y/N and Harry some time to themselves after Harry ended his first world tour in July. Not to say they didn’t have anyone to watch Mateo to have a date night, but not enough time to be alone when there's a three year old on the road who won't leave his parents' side and would scream when they're not around him. Especially when they went to Cabo for James Corden’s birthday, it wasn't a fun time for them getting things ready when they had a screaming two year old running after them to be attracted to one of their hips.
And just to say, Harry and Y/N didn't miss the chance to have a night to themselves when it came to them.
Y/N sighed as she placed the second silver diamond earring in her ear as she stood in their ensuite bathroom that connected to their bedroom. Feeling the slightest pinch when she placed the earrings through the small hole in the lobe of her ear and then placed the back to hold the earring up. She felt jittery and excited to have a date night with Harry, it felt like forever when they had one because of Mateo. Yeah, they could’ve when he was one last year, but they didn’t want to leave him out of their sight.
And because every time they weren’t around the one year old at the time last year he would start screaming and crying for his mummy or daddy, especially when Harry had to go to rehearsals for the beginning part of his tour. Always attached to Harry’s hip with the little sound proof headphones on his curls he got from Harry as Harry rehearsed beforehand. Falling asleep on his daddy’s shoulder halfway through the rehearsal.
So, when Anne volunteered to watch Mateo for them to go out, it was like heaven knocking on the door and offering to get some weight off their shoulders. And while they did love their son, they just really needed time to be with each other.
Y/N was wearing this cute above knee sheer black dress with bell sleeves that were sheer as well. Pairing it black heels and a silver diamond necklace and matching earrings. Her hair was simple with her hair in a braid crown. Underneath she was wearing a black lace lingerie set , who knows what will happen when they get back from her favorite Italian restaurant. Maybe they’ll have sex, maybe they won’t.
The possibilities are endless. And she hopes they’ll be able to have an uninterrupted night alone together intimately.
Y/N lowered her hand down onto the marble bathroom counter next to her other hand, her nails painted black as she stared at herself in the mirror. The lights showing off her beauty. She didn’t wear that much makeup: she just simply wore red lipstick along with a smokey eye, winged black eyeliner, and mascara. No foundation or finishing powder caking her face. She took in deep breaths in and out as she felt her heart racing at the nervous, exciting feeling she had going on.
The familiar burning feeling in her lower belly as she thought of being alone with Harry after dinner. The two of them blindly wandering around their house as they kiss desperately and hold onto each other, Y/N tearing off Harry’s suit jacket before reaching for him desperately while he’s working on getting her dress off. Her imagination gets more and more desperate and arouses her more and more as well the further her mind takes her.
Feeling Harry’s mouth on her clit and her closing her eyes in pleasure as she tilted her head up and moaned in pleasure and thrusted her hips up to get closer to his mouth and tugged his curls to let him know that he’s doing an amazing job. Feeling the vibrations of his moans and groans against her folds and his tongue licking at her wetness. Shaking his head side to side to get further in her.
Y/N was clutching the marble counter tightly, so hard that she was sure that the marble would crack because of how hard she was clutching it. She was also biting her lip hard to hold in the moans that were threatening to come out and clutching her legs tightly to fight the throbbing feeling between her legs and the wetness that was already pooling on her panties.
“Fuck,” She whispered under her breath and looked down at the floor and breathed to calm herself down. “Goddammit.” She continued, closing her eyes and continued to try to calm herself down. She broke away from her routine of trying to calm herself down when she heard the familiar babbling and deep accented voice coming closer to the bedroom from the open bathroom door.
“You wanna see how beautiful mummy is, well she’s always beautiful. Mummy’s always beautiful isn’t she?” Harry asked Mateo, who was on his hip. Harry was wearing a black suit with a pink dress shirt underneath with a few buttons undone, showing off the wings of his swallow tattoos that were on his chest finishing the outfit with black dress shoes. Y/N showed the likeness of the pink dress shirt when she saw him wearing it the first time from the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show last year.
In her words the first time she saw him in that suit with that light pink dress shirt was. “Holy shit, you look so fucking hot in pink.”
The words made him blush as well as turn him on from the compliment.
“Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy.” Mateo babbled excitedly, kicking his little shoe covered feet excitedly to see his mummy. Mateo was wearing a comic pajama set. One of his shoe clad feet kept kicking Harry’s hipbone, but not too hard just lightly. Harry’s footsteps muffled against the carpet as they got closer to the open bedroom door, the light streaming through the gap and reflecting on the wall.
“I know, bub. We’re going to see her.” Harry chuckled, hiking the three year old further up his hip since he was falling from the kicking he was doing and gripping onto his leg so he wouldn't fall. What could be heard was stuff cluttering around and mumbling, meaning that Y/N was just getting done getting ready and was cleaning up. But he didn’t want to barge in if she wasn’t.
Once he and Mateo were at the door, Harry used the one arm that wasn’t holding onto the excited, babbling three year old that was in his other arm. He bent his index finger and knocked on the hardwood door, loud enough so Y/N could hear the knock through the clattering and moving around that was going on.
“Love, can we come in?” He asked, turning his head to the side so he could hear his long time girlfriend's response to his question. There was a little bit more clattering around and some cursing before the sound of heels clicking against the tiled bathroom floor and then muffled because of the carpeted floor of the bedroom.
“Yeah, come in.” Y/N answered. Harry pushed the door open with his index finger that was still pressed against the door. The light from the bedroom got brighter when he opened the door. Once the door was opened fully, Harry felt his heart flutter and butterflies exploded through his stomach once he caught the sight of his girlfriend and the mother of his son.
The love of his life, the woman he wanted to marry and continue the rest of his life with. Her attitude and personality was the first thing he fell in love with as well as her beauty. Y/N the same for him. He felt like himself and the happiest around her and their son, along with their family and friends. His little family made him happy and loved being around them in their home. Their space of love and a home that was once two hearts are now three because of Mateo.
Harry’s mouth fell open once he saw Y/N standing a few feet away from their bed with her hands clasped together in front of her as she waited for her boyfriend and son to appear from the other side of the door. Her heart beating at the sight of Harry wearing the black suit with the light pink dress shirt she loves on him. His now short hair is styled the way he usually does by himself and not a stylist when he's on tour.
His stare made her cheeks heat up red and caused her hands to tighten together. As well as a bashful smile to stretch across her red painted lips. He looked good as well, and her staring at him made a red tint on his cheeks appear with the same reaction she has right now.
And then there’s Mateo, staring at her on his daddy’s hip. He copied Harry’s open mouth and widened his green eyes as he looked at his mummy all dressed up pretty. His chocolate curls freshly washed from the bath he was given earlier, all fluffy and curly. Even his hair was curly brushed, like his father’s.
Then again, he is Harry’s twin.
Mateo began clapping his little hands together and his mouth turning into an opening mouth smile, his white teeth showing, with dimples poking out on each end of his lips. Giggles leaving his mouth while he stared at Y/N. “Mummy, mummy, mummy,” He chanted with his giggles before turning his attention to Harry, who was still looking at Y/N starstruck until Mateo lightly tapped on Harry’s shaven face after he stopped clapping when he realized that his daddy wasn’t looking at him.
Always wanting attention when he wanted it from one of his parents.
“Daddy,” Mateo said, tapping Harry’s cheek lightly again. Snapping Harry out of his love filled gaze that was fixated on his girlfriend and looked over to his mini me, who was looking at him with a determined look in his green eyes. His hand was still on Harry’s cheek and he and Harry looked at each other. The sight making Y/N’s heartbeat happily against her chest at seeing the cute sight of her boyfriend and their three year old on his hip.
Mateo then moved his hand off Harry’s cheek and pointed his finger at Y/N, still looking at Harry. “Look at how pwetty mummy is.” He demanded with a lisp, making Y/N let out a light giggle at the three year old’s demanding his father to look at her when Harry already was. And the look on Harry's face after the demand was made by Mateo. His green eyes widened after the words that left his son’s mouth and his mouth dropped a little from shock.
It was funny to Y/N because she wasn’t on the receiving end of that demand.
“I was bud, I was looking at mummy,” Harry told the three year old, bouncing Mateo lightly on his hip to make him giggle. Which does work, Mateo tossed his head back a little and closed his eyes as giggles escaped his mouth. Clapping his hands as he laughed, making Y/N and Harry laugh along with him and watching how adorable their son is when he’s not having the temper tantrums he had when he doesn’t get his way because of his ‘terrible twos’ and then he’s crying when neither of them are in the same room was him.
But he’s always adorable, just not when he’s being bad or upset. Because they don’t like being mad or feeling their hearts break seeing their little sunshine being the complete opposite of who he usually is.
After making Mateo giggle for a few more minutes, Harry stopped and hoisted the toddler on his hip and then looked at Y/N. All three of them took deep breaths to calm down from the adorable moment of their son laughing to get him out of his demanding demeanor.
"But mummy is beautiful, isn't she?" He whispered loudly to the toddler so that Y/N could hear him as well. A big smile stretched across his face and his green eyes going wide at the words before looking at Y/N. Her cheeks heated up from the compliment from Harry, feeling the butterflies fluttering through her belly and the familiar shivering going up her spine.
"Mummy is bewtiful." The three year old lisped, mispronouncing 'beautiful' as he looked at Y/N with the same smile on his face. Y/N blew kisses to her son as a thank, making the three year old smile even bigger if that's possible and turn to hide his face in his daddy's shoulder with small giggles leaving his mouth. Making Y/N and Harry awe at his reaction.
Harry bounced the now shy toddler on his hip, to get Mateo to get out of being shy. But Mateo buried his face further into Harry's suit jacket covered shoulder. Making Harry and Y/N laugh before turning their attention to each other.
Their eye contact makes their hearts flutter, the butterflies to soar, and a shiver to go up their spines. The familiar heat flooded their cheeks.
"You are really beautiful, love. Even without dressing up you're always beautiful." Harry complimented, rubbing Mateo's back to comfort him with his left hand that had his rings that he wears all the time. This caused more heat to flood Y/N's cheeks even more, if that's possible. Her heart to flutter even more because of the compliment and how domestic and handsome her boyfriend is.
Seeing him as a father is just something that makes her happy to see him being the parent he always wanted to be. Especially when he's the father of the three year old in his arms, their son Mateo.
Who just looks exactly like his father, like stated beforehand. Something they've been told a million times by: Anne, Gemma, the rest of Harry's family, Y/N's parents, her family, and their friends.
"You're beautiful too, babe." Y/N complimented, making Harry stop his actions all together and just stared at her like a deer in headlights and his cheeks turned a bright tint of pink from her compliment and his green eyes became watery.
"Aw, babe," Y/N cooed softly before making her way to the brunette. Her footsteps muffled against the carpet of their to get closer to Harry, their eyes still locked together as she got closer and closer to her tall boyfriend. Well, not as tall since she was wearing her heels that were on her feet.
Once she was in front of him, she reached up and placed her hands on either side of his face and caressed his cheekbones. She gave him a soft, welcoming smile. “You’re beautiful too, as well as handsome. You’re both.” She added, feeling the hot skin under her hands and thumbs from Harry blushing at her continued compliment.
“Stop,” He murmured to her, closing his eyes and leaned into her right hand that was on his cheek. Welcoming her touch and loving it, like he always does. Pressing a kiss to the palm of her hand, opening his eyes to look into her eyes. Sending chills down her spine and more butterflies to soar through her stomach and the burning feel in her lower stomach and caused her breathing to hitch.
God, the effect this man has on her. It’s so strong. He knows this effect as she knows the effect, she has on him; words were shared about this effect by drunken words a few years before Y/N became pregnant with Mateo.
They stared at each other for a few more seconds before a small, accented voice broke the silence between the two of them. “Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy is bewtiful.” Making Y/N and Harry look over to where he was being held in Harry’s arm to see the three year old smiling up at her, his cheek pressing against Harry’s shoulder.
Y/N returned the smile and lowered her head down so she was a little bit closer, but not too close to his face. Just enough to see his face and he can see hers. Mateo’s cheeks were a little bit tinged with red from laughing and from Y/N blowing kisses at him.
“Thank you, bub. Mummy loves you.” Y/N told the three year old sweetly before leaning forward and pressed a couple of kisses on his temple, making the three year old giggle once more for the many times he’s had that night with his parents. Loving the attention he was getting from them.
He reached his free hand and pressed it on Y/N’s cheek when she leaned away from him with a smile on her face. Y/N then stole a look at her boyfriend who was admiring the sight before him and then looked back at their son with a smile on her face and asked him, whispering loudly like Harry did before and asked.
“Isn’t daddy beautiful, too?”
Mateo looked away from Y/N and to Harry, his smile getting wider as he looked at his daddy. His green eyes looked all over Harry’s face before nodding his head immediately and looking at Y/N. His green eyes full of excitement and happiness, he kicked his legs in excitement. Lightly kicking Harry’s hips with his shoe-covered feet, Harry not flinching from the contact since it wasn’t a hard kick from the three year old. When Mateo had his usual temper tantrums when he was in his terrible twos then that’s when he starts kicking and hitting and Y/N and Harry have to get firm on him and put him in time out.
Even though it hurts them, he has to learn that it’s not okay to hurt people when he doesn't get what he wants or his way.
“Yes, yes, yes! Daddy is bewtiful!” Mateo exclaimed, throwing his free arm up with carefree giggles leaving his mouth. Making his parents once again smile down at him at how adorable and cute he’s being. Harry's cheeks once again heated up once more from the compliment.
He's been told that he's beautiful by lots of people and had the same reaction he's having right now. However when it’s from Y/N, sometimes Mateo when Y/N tells him to do so during moments like this or other times to prove her point. And it was their special moment and their words make him happy, knowing that the two people he loves love him as much as he does. Even with a compliment that Y/N uses to make him blush.
“Thanks, bud.” Harry said, leaning down a bit and pressed a peck to the side of Mateo’s head. The three year old giggled at the compliment once again and looked at his parents once Harry pulled away from the side of Mateo’s head. His green eyes going back and forth between his mum and dad before leaning his head down on Harry’s shoulder. His eyelids closing halfway, his thumb trying to make its way into his mouth but he’s stopped by Harry pulling his arm away from his mouth.
Mateo, not throwing a fit from not being able to do what he wants, drops his arm and just closes his eyes with a sigh. He was getting tired and hopefully he’ll go to sleep during the car ride to Anne’s and stays asleep when they leave him there to go to dinner and Anne won’t have trouble with his separation anxiety throughout the entire night without them being there for him.
Mateo loves his nana so much, always wanting to go over when they have nothing to do or have something later on to do. So, he probably won’t have any problems at Anne’s house.
They stare at the toddler that was sleeping in his daddy’s arms before looking at each other, their heartbeats steadily beating quicker the longer they hold eye contact and small smiles growing on their lips. They just had so much love for each other, that the littlest amount of things that other did for the other, the littlest or biggest amounts of affection, or just this. Staring at each other with so much love and care.
Something the fans picked up on at Harry’s shows last year when he began his first tour in California. Noticing when he’d look where she was and have this shine in his green eyes when he looked at her and a smile stretching across his lips unconsciously and blew kisses to her by the end of the show. As well as Mateo, since he was with Y/N on her hip with the headphones on his head to protect his hearing from the loud instruments and Harry’s voice booming around the arena.
“So we start heading out before we’re late, like last time?” Y/N asking, joking around to the last time when they were late to a reservation at the same restaurant because Harry fell asleep in Mateo’s room in the rocking chair with a picture book on his chest and Mateo in one of his arms. Y/N knew that they weren’t going to make it that night after Mateo had a tummy ache and wouldn’t leave Harry’s side.
“Hey, leave the little man alone. His tummy was hurting. It’s not his fault, blaming his tummy.” Harry defended the sleeping toddler, making Y/N giggle softly at her boyfriends words and then awe softly when she saw him turn his head again and press a soft kiss on the side of Mateo’s head and lingered there for a second before turning his head back to give her his full attention.
“I’m sorry, bud.” Y/N cooed to the sleeping three year old, even though the three year old isn’t aware of what’s going on around him. She reached a hand out and combed her fingers through his curls, getting the knots out that formed there from getting his hair dried after getting a bath. He didn’t stir from the pull at the knots that were in his curls, like he didn’t feel it. Which he didn’t because they weren't badly knotted in his hair.
But they were hard to comb out with a comb after he woke up and they had to go somewhere in a few hours or had to catch a flight early when Y/N and Mateo would join Harry during tour since Y/N would help Sarah cooking for the band before the concert began, and Y/N didn't have to worry about who was taking care of her cafe as her best friend was in charge of making sure things were in order. She was kept updated through text and calls about how things were going at her cafe during her absence.
“Should we start going now since he’s asleep? It’s a lot easier to get him there when he’s asleep.” She asked Harry, looking away from the toddler and to her boyfriend to see what he thinks about the idea of leaving their home when their son is asleep. Harry looked down at the sleeping toddler and pressed another kiss, this time on the head of chocolate curls that sat on his head.
“Yeah, but we’ll see about him staying asleep once he sees my mum.” He answered, turning his head back to his girlfriend. Y/N nodded with a soft giggle and leaned forward and pressed a few pecks to Harry’s lips, getting a slight taste of mint gum that he was chewing earlier and vanilla chapstick he put on. And his vanilla and tobacco cologne hitting her hard now that she leaned closer to press a few pecks on his lips.
The pecks sent chills down their spines and fireworks exploding from the pecks she pressed against his lips. Even though it wasn’t a desperate hungry kiss that the two of them would usually share when the two of them are alone for when their son is down for a nap, watching the television downstairs, or just asleep. Trying to get each other out of their clothes in a rush to get intimate with each other once again.
But they were always interrupted.
Harry hummed against her lips, happy to feel her lips against his and used his free arm to wrap around her waist to pull her closer with a turn of his head and slotted her bottom lip between hers. A hum left his lips once again and then pulled away with a soft smack leaving their lips and pressed his temple against hers.
“We should stop, before we miss the reservation for another reason.” Y/N breathed out, nudging her nose against his. Wishing that they didn’t have anywhere to be, and their son was at Anne’s house so they could continue. Maybe, just maybe when they get back from dinner they could continue what they were trying to do.
Harry nodded his head with his eyes closed, taking deep breaths through his nose and mouth to calm himself down. She looked down to see a faint tint of red on his lips from her red lipstick, making her giggle. But it was cute to see him in lipstick, something that she usually does when he asks her to practice some of her makeup on him so she could see what it looks like before putting it on.
She reached up and swiped the pad of her thumb against his lips to get rid of the red pigment that was painting his lips, another giggle leaving her lips. Harry opened her eyes to see what she was doing, going crossed eyed to see what she was doing when he felt the pad of her thumb against his lips.
“You’ve got some of my lipstick on your lips.” She giggled as she continued. Harry just shrugged nonchalantly and just simply placed kisses on the pad of her thumb while maintaining eye contact with her. Making sparks shoot up through her entire body, even more and he removed the arm that was around her waist and wrapped his hand gently around her wrist as he continued to press kisses to the pad of her thumb.
God, he knows what he’s doing to her.
He then stopped and moved his head away from her thumb and stood to his full height and released her wrist. He then reached his hand up and swiped the red pigment off his lips with a teasing smirk on his face, making her look at him flabbergasted as the burn sensation returned to the lower part of her stomach.
He then lowered his hand from his lips and leaned forward once more and pressed a quick peck to her lips and stated where he was going. “I’m going to grab Mateo’s diaper bag while you gather yourself together, but don’t take too long. We don’t want to be late.”
He pressed another kiss to her lips before turning around, sending her a quick smirk before heading out their bedroom to go to Mateo’s to gather the toddler diaper bag. After he was out of sight, Y/N took deep breaths in and out to calm herself down and closed her eyes.
“Fucking tease. Fuck.” She cursed under her breath before going to gather her purse that carried a few things for herself just in case. Her thoughts went back to what just happened a few minutes ago, and every time she tried to get her mind to go to other things that moment kept popping up.
Telling her that it’s never going to go away.
The three of them head out of the door to head to Harry's car after Y/N meet Harry and a sleeping Mateo downstairs and told him that she is ready to go. Mateo lightly snored along the way to the car, a small amount of drool making its way onto the black fabric of Harry’s suit jacket. But not something to fuss about since it wasn’t a big deal, but some parents make it a big deal even though the kid can’t help it when they’re asleep.
Like how they can’t help it when they’re asleep. It’s an unconscious thing when you’re passed the fuck out. Which is why Harry just wiped the drool off with a tissue from the tissue box that was in the diaper bag that was in there just in case Mateo had a cold or had allergies and had a runny nose. And rushed inside to throw the dirty paper into the trash can before rushing out of their home and to the car to make their way to his mum’s house.
And hopefully. just hopefully. Mateo won't have a fit when they leave Anne's house to go to dinner.
Just to say; Mateo did stay asleep when they dropped him off at Anne’s house and didn’t budge an eye when he was moved onto the couch from Y/N’s arms. His favorite of paw patrol keeping him warm and his shoes off and by his diaper bag. His socks kept his little feet warm. Y/N and Harry talked to his mum for a little bit before they had to head out to their reservation.
Harry reassures Y/N, a thing he’s always had to do when they had someone watch their son for them for a few hours while they were on tour. That Mateo would be okay with his mum, that she raised him and Gemma and knows what to do. But she can’t stop worrying about their little one, it’s a motherly thing that will never go away.
Anne hugged the young woman with a kiss on the cheek for reassurance, something that Y/N appreciated from her boyfriend’s mum and her own boyfriend. It calmed her down from the reassurance she’s been given.
Overtime, it was time to leave to head to their reservation. They hugged Anne goodbye and kissed her on the cheek, to which the action was reciprocated (Harry getting more kisses on each cheek from his mother, making Y/N giggle as quietly as she could so she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping toddler on the couch they were behind).
They turned their attention to the sleeping toddler on the couch, pressing a butterfly kiss on his forehead goodbye and a soft ‘goodbye bud’. Harry let Y/N comb her fingers through Mateo’s curls for a few minutes before they headed out the door, letting Anne know the approximate time they’ll be around to pick him up tomorrow.
Wishing Anne and their son one more final goodbye before going outside the door to the restaurant.
“Fuck it, we’re not going to make it home. I need you now.” Harry growled to Y/N, gripping her thigh tightly before pulling off the road that they always took to go home. The streetlights showed Harry tightening and untightening his jaw as he focused on the road, his other hand that was on the steering wheel tightening more and more.
His knuckles turning whiter and whiter, making Y/N surprised at how he hasn’t broken the steering wheel yet from how hard he was gripping the wheel. Yes, it is known that Harry is literally strong. Being able to lift five hundred pounds with just his upper body. And have you seen his biceps and how huge they are? They make her drool every time he’s wearing a short sleeved shirt or just shirtless after getting out of the shower, a towel loose on his hips, showing off his v-line and body that Y/N can call hers.
And don’t get her started on his hands and how veiny they get, and his rings. She might just faint from the thought alone.
This is the exact reason why they left dinner earlier than expected. All because Y/N let her desperate thoughts of her boyfriend out to him over a cup of red wine. The words that left her red painted lips made the brunette before her clutch his glass, the veins bulging out of his hands from how hard he was gripping the glass. His stare became intimidating as he continued to stare at her without saying anything.
The sight made her squeeze her legs tight to stop the throbbing from her core and the wetness to stop from seeping onto her panties. And to make it even more worse, she was Harry’s other hand falling from under the table and onto his lap. Making her think that he was going to remove the napkin that was on his lip and place it on the table so that they could leave.
But she was dead wrong when she heard him let out a relieved sigh and close his eyes and let out a quiet groan that only she and him could hear. Giving her the answer that went straight to her head.
He was palming himself through his dress pants.
He then shared his thoughts of her while doing so. How he wanted to have the sweet taste that was between her legs, how she’s probably dripping down there for him and that it’ll probably pool into his hand once he gets to have her, and how hard he is for her and that he had to take care of himself with the thoughts of her when he was out of the house.
The more and more that left his mouth made her squeeze her legs tighter and tighter to stop the wetness, but it wasn’t enough. She felt the first drop of wetness pool onto the fabric of her panties and the hazy feeling overcoming her along with the burning fire in the lower part of her belly.
And the final step of them leaving the restaurant was Harry leaning over the table to get closer to her with a lustful smirk and that familiar twinkle in his green eyes, that seemed more darker than they usually are. And he looked her up and down slowly, licking and biting his lips at certain parts of her body and then looked back into her eyes.
“You’re wet for me right now, aren’t you love. Thinking about me between your legs and giving it to you so fucking good that the only thing leaving your lips is my name. Those beautiful moans leaving your lips with either my head, fingers, or cock. I’m going to give it to you so good Y/N. So good that you won’t be able to walk the next few days.”
So, here they are. Harry pulls over to an empty parking lot of a shop that has closed down for bankruptcy and a few other reasons. Harry presses hard on the breaks, jolting the both of them from the car abruptly stopping. The tires screeched a little against the pavement. The only light being from the flickering street lights above them. The fluorescent lights flickering on and off periodically. Harry turned the car off and left the keys in the ignition, leaving them in silence except for the buzzing of the streetlights and their breathing. The two of them looked at each other, feeling the need for one another. Their bodies buzzing and the fire in their lower stomachs growing more and more.
The arousal grew more prevalent between each other's legs.
They needed each other now.
“I need you too, Harry.” Y/N breathed shakily, feeling her legs shaking from being nervous for this moment and excited. It’s been a while since they’ve been together like this intimately, besides the quickies that are short lived on tour by a phone call or a pounding on their hotel door by Mitch, Sarah, Adam, anyone that they were with because their son wanted them.
But now they’ve got the time alone together.
After those words left her mouth, it was a rush of the two of them unbuckling their seatbelts and leaned over the center console and pressed their lips together in a desperate, hungry, passionate kiss. Harry held her face in his hands while her hands held his wrist. The feel of the cold metal on her skin made her shiver at the contact, but it wasn’t her main concern right now. She felt Harry turn his head to the side to deepen the kiss and fit her bottom lip between his. She felt him open his mouth against hers and felt a lick at her bottom lip.
Y/N opened her mouth to give him entrance and she felt his tongue exploring her mouth, making her moan against his mouth and for Harry to sigh. “Fuck, come here.” He sighed against her mouth and moved his hands from her face and down to her love handles. Squeezing them, making her squeal at the action and Harry chuckle against her mouth.
“Shut up, you did that on purpose.” Y/N mumbled as she climbed over the center console with her boyfriend's help. The two of them pulled away from each other’s lips with a wet smack. With her now on his lap, Harry stared at her with an open mouth smile with flushed pink cheeks. The flushed pink traveled down his neck and down to his chest that Y/N was able to see thanks to the flickering streetlights.
“Your reaction when I do that is still funny, no matter how old it gets. And adorable.” Harry stated in a teasing tone. Making Y/N roll her eyes to get a reaction out of the man along with a heat on her cheeks from the compliment he threw in the end. God, the hold this man has on her is ungodly. But he’s so fucking beautiful and hot, at the same time of course. As well as being adorable and cute.
“Do that again and you won’t be getting it at all.” Y/N grumbled to him, situating herself on his lap. Feeling his hard cock underneath her core. Making her more desperate for him and her pussy throb with need and more of her wetness seep onto the fabric of her now ruined panties. The slight movement of her hips against his made Harry move his head back a little and his lower stomach muscles clenched a little along with his prick twitching in his boxers.
“Christ,” Harry groaned, closing his eyes briefly and squeezing her love handles once more. He peeked his eyes open, sending shivers down Y/N’s spine when she saw how darker they are from how they usually are. His chest heaving with need as well as his dick. “You’re a fucking teasing without even trying sometimes.” He groaned, sending another squeeze to her hips. He pressed his temple against hers, his heated breath seemed cold when it hit her heated cheeks.
Cooling her overheated skin down.
Y/N felt a smirk perk at the end of her lips as she nudged the end of her nose against his and closed her eyes and wandered her hands up to his hair. Running her fingers through his long curls that have grown over tour. It was hot that his hair had grown out and not as short as it was in the beginning of the tour. She enjoyed tugged on his hair when it was long when he was in One Direction, either it be when his head was in between her legs, making out, dry humping, or having sex.
Her fingers always found their way in his long chestnut curls. Tugging and tugging when Harry gave her the pleasure, she was desperate to feel. Especially when she was pregnant with Mateo in 2015 and she would travel with the band until she couldn’t anymore as she got closer to the end of her pregnancy. But during the time she was on the road, she couldn’t keep her hands off him.
Even when he was home, she couldn’t keep her hands off him. Her hormones were bouncing off the walls.
But Harry loved it and she loved it. He even wrote a few songs about her for his first solo album, of course those songs didn’t make it even though she begged him to. Several times. But he didn’t budge about putting those songs on the album. Insistent that he’s fine with the final songs that he decided to put on his first solo album.
“I know. And I love what teasing does to you. Makes you so fucking hard, Har. You touch yourself after I tease you and don’t give in to what you want do you? Especially before you had to go on stage that night in San Jose.” She asked him, moving her lips to his ear. Twirling one of her fingers around his chestnut curls. Harry shifted in his seat with a soft whine leaving his lips from her words and that exact memory she was talking about.
They were free from anything in his dressing room until it was time for him to get on stage. They were heavily making out on the couch, Y/N palming his hard length through the trousers he was wearing for the concert that night. His grown out curls were perfectly styled and he just looked so fucking hot.
As always.
And to make a long memory short, Y/N got up from the floor and sent him a teasing smile when there was a knock on the door and a voice telling Harry he's got less than five minutes to get on stage. Y/N blew him kisses and wiggled her fingers teasingly at him with the same teasing smile on her face before leaving Harry alone with his hard length in his hand to get off before he went on stage with a hard on.
“Fuck me,” Harry whimpered at the memory and felt his hard length twitch in his trousers at the memory. Fully knowing that the tip of is cock is leaking with need in his boxers and reached down and palmed himself through his trousers with his eyes closed and moaned at the touch of his hand through his trousers on his hard length. Anything to keep himself at bay, even though they can both sense that they’re both desperate for each other.
He peeked up at Y/N to see her looking at him with a desperate look, her mouth opened agape and her eyes only on his hand that was palming himself through his trousers. Her legs squeezing tightly together to stop the throbbing that was getting stronger and stronger. Thoughts of Harry between her legs, letting him taste her like that. Letting him have his favorite meal every time they were alone, or her sucking his length and getting to taste him. Either way the two of them benefit from the other’s moans and praise from the one receiving pleasure. The both of them moaning from the tug that the other gives him and the taste. Or when Harry is between her legs, his length reaching deeper in her than she’d ever imagined anyone being able to do. His fingers rubbing on her clit to get her to cum before him, telling her praises and other dirty talk to get her to finish. Promising her another baby and how he wants to see her full of his child.
Gets her to finish every time.
“God, I need you between my legs, Har. Give you the sweet taste that’s between my legs. Can feel it gathering in my panties, it keeps going and going. I’m so wet for you, H. I need you.” Y/N moaned, making the brunette moan always and palm himself rougher against his trousers.
“I wish I can taste you as well, Y/N. But when we get home, yeah? But for now, come here. Ride me, please. Need to feel you around me baby.” Harry breathed out, feeling more and more hazy with each palm.
And that’s all it takes for Y/N to crash her lips against his once more, surprising the both of them in their consciousness about how she hasn’t bruised their lips from how hard she crashed their lips together. But the two of them pushed that thought away as they continued to passionately kiss one of another, tongues exploring each other’s mouths while their hands frantically moved around the other’s body. Y/N rocking her hips against his, feeling his hard length under her hot dripping core. Harry bucking his hips up into hers to feel more of her through their clothing. The two of them moaning against each other’s mouths, Y/N’s a hundred percent sure that her wetness probably leaked through her panties and onto the black fabric on his trousers.
“Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum in these trousers before I have the chance to be inside of you.” Harry chuckled breathlessly against her lips. Y/N joined in on his laughter, her hands pressed against his tummy. Feeling his tummy moving along with his heavy breathing. His words made her core throb and clench around nothing, needing to feel his thick length inside of her and giving her the fill that she longed to fill inside of her.
“Need you feel you, Harry. Please.” Y/N pleaded to her boyfriend, to which Harry nodded. Not wanting to wait any longer, needing to feel her warm damp heat around him. Missing the feeling of her squeezing around him when they’re having sex and squeezing him afterwards. Milking him of his orgasm and pulling him closer to feel him close to her. He missed her tongue on his length when she’d be on her knees for him. Bobbing her head to pace that they’re both feeling that night.
The two of them continued kissing passionately, most quickly now, their hands resuming their hands around each other to get closer to each other. Y/N’s panties were pulled to the side and Harry’s trousers were pulled halfway down, along with his boxers. His hard length springing up and hitting his lower abdomen, twitching with need and from the cold hair. Precum leaking from the tip of his cock, prominent veins showing off just for her. The head red from the need of attention from one of them.
The sight making Y/N drool. The sight of his prick always made her drool and her juices spill more and more from her core. Y/N stared at his length in awe.
“You’re so pretty Harry and so big. Can just imagine you now stretching me out and feeling you in my tummy. Making me feel so good, being so deep inside of me.” Y/N told him breathlessly. This spurred Harry one and quickly placed his other hand behind Y/N’s head and pulled her into another desperate kiss and moved his hand between her legs. Lightly running the tips of his fingers along her wet folds and teasing them around her weeping hole.
“Fucking Christ. I was fucking right, you’re so fucking wet for me Y/N. Can’t wait to taste it when we get home. Can feel you leaking down my fingers.” Harry grunted, making the woman in his lap whimper at his words and grind her hips down to meet his fingers. To feel them inside of her.
And he did, fingering her slowly at first so she could get used to feeling his long fingers inside of her since it’s been awhile for her. Making her feel a slight pinch from the feeling and pressure of his fingers. But afterwards it felt pleasurable and amazing. Y/N was then riding Harry’s fingers while she held her fingers out for Harry to lick so she could pump his length to get him ready.
And Harry did so gladly, moaning around her fingers while she continued to moan and whimper at the feeling of his fingers reaching further inside of her than her own could ever when she’s alone. His fingers doing the ‘come hither’ motion to touch that spongy spot inside of her that he always manages to find and hit when they were together intimately. Making Y/N moan loudly when his fingers touched that spongy spot inside of her and the sight of Harry closing his eyes as he holds her wrist gently with his other hand gently. Lolling his tongue around her digits.
The sight and the feeling of his fingers made the fire in her belly grow more stronger. Harry pulled her fingers out of his mouth with a soft ‘pop’. Her digits glistened with his spit, just enough for his long hard length.
“Fuck, you’re making me so fucking wet, Har.” Y/N moaned, grinding quickly against his fingers as she lowered her hand down and grasped his hard length in her hand. Making the brunette moan and close his eyes in pleasure and lean his head back against the headrest. Pumping his fingers quickly, the two of them letting out pornographic moans and groans in the car from the pleasure that the both of them were feeling. Y/N hand pumping him quickly, pressing gently at the vein that he loved her to touch when she’s on her knees for him. And swiping the pad of her thumb against the slit of his head to collect the bead of precum that was gathering.
“I know, I can feel it, m’love. You’re so fucking wet for me, and so fucking tight clenching and sucking my fingers, for fucks sake. And your hand feels so good for me lovie. Taking care of me the way y’know I love. Gonna make me cum, gonna make me cum so fucking hard for you.” Harry whined, feeling the sweat beading along his skin and drenching his hair. Y/N as well, her makeup ruined from the sweat that was beading along her skin and hair.
The two of them became hotter and hotter from the activity that was taking place.
Y/N tried to quick the pumps of her hand against his length, feeling his length twitching in her hold and Harry’s breathing hitching and heaving quickly at the motion. Feeling his stomach muscles clench and the fire in his belly grow tighter and tighter, telling him that his orgasm was underway.
And he wasn’t ready for it. Making him reach towards her hand and grab it gently and pull it away from his throbbing length, making Y/N look at him. Her eyes frantic along with her chest heaving against the dress. Sweating dripping from the ends of her hair, which he’s sure there is sweat dripping at the end of his hair as well.
“Do-don’t want to cum just yet. Wan-wan-want to cum in you.” He panted, glancing down at her fingers coated with his spit and precum from stroking him. He pulled his fingers out from her core after feeling her walls clench around them. Coaxing them further into her as possible. This made her whine at the loss of his fingers and not being able to stroke his cock anymore.
“But I want to see you cum. Want to make you feel good, baby.” Y/N whined, fighting against Harry’s gentle hold. “Want to taste you.” Her words, for what feels like the millionth time, gave a boost to his ego and gave into the fire that was pooling into his lower stomach and made the muscles clench along with his cock twitch with need.
Harry groaned with need and looked at her with need and she returned the look. He released her wrist and reached up and cupped her cheek and caressed her cheekbone, giving her a gentle smile. Y/N leaned into his touch and blinked at him slowly, pressing a kiss to the palm of his hand.
“I know. I know, baby. And you’ll be able to when we get home, we have all the time tonight till tomorrow. You get to taste me and I get to taste you, but right now I need to be in you.” Harry heaved and leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers once again, and Y/N happily obliged.
They continued kissing, turning their heads to deepen the kiss. Y/N stood on her knees a little to lower herself onto his hard cock that Harry was holding to help guide into her. “Y’ready?” He asked against her lips. Y/N nodded with a small and quick ‘yes’ leaving her lips.
Y/N slowly lowered herself down, Harry helping guide himself into her entrance. Harry pulled away from the kiss and placed wet kisses down from her jaw to her neck, sucking along as he did so. Harry hissed against her neck as soon as he felt the tip of his cock pass the final resistance from her walls, feeling her warm wet walls squeezing his head and coaxing him in further. Making Harry groan desperately against her neck while Y/N let out a wet gasp at the feeling of his thick length stretching her walls out. Making her feel so fucking good. She reached up and carded her fingers through his sweaty curls and gripped his strands tightly. God, it feels so fucking good to have him inside her again. Once Y/N settled against Harry’s base, Harry’s hands now on her hips to help guide her against his length. Squeezing her love handles occasionally while she took her time to get used to his length since it's been awhile, they’ve had the time to take it slow.
Harry had his head pressed against her neck, still pressing wet kisses along her neck as leaving hickies behind as he moved his head.
“Y’alright? Need me to pull out? Because I can if you need me too.” He asked against her neck, tasting her salty skin as he did so. She nodded quickly with her eyes closed and squeezed against his length, loving the loud groans that left his mouth and vibrated against her neck. Letting her know that she’s making him feel good.
“I’m– I’m fine Harry, you’re just so fucking deep baby.Making me feel so fucking good already. Can feel you here.” She whined, reaching down blindly and felt around until she felt the skin of his arm and moved down til she felt his wrist. Making shivers go down Harry’s spine at the feeling of her butterfly touch of her fingertips. The words alone made the brunette groan, knowing that she felt good already but when he placed his hand where she felt him in her tummy made a louder moan, not groan, but a moan left his lips.
“Fuck me,” He moaned and pressed a sloppy kiss against the pulse of her neck. The reaction he got out of her was a light moan and a squeeze of her walls. “You’re so fucking tight around me, m’love. Fuck. Fucking squeezing me, making me feel so fucking good.” He moaned, causing her to clench around his length once again. Lowering his head so he could see him going in and out of her once she starts moving on his length.
“You’re so fucking big, baby.” She moaned before lifting herself up, taking in a shaky breath. When the tip of his cock was only inside of her, that’s when she lowered herself down. Harry’s eyes rolled in pleasure when he saw her wetness coating his length and his hard cock going inside of her. The two of them moaned in pleasure, Harry’s hand pressing against her stomach where she placed it before and then moved it to join the other on her hips to help guide her on his length. Harry thrusts up to meet her thrust.
The air between them kept getting hotter and hotter and the two of them getting more sweaty. Y/N had found the perfect pace to find the man below her, Harry guiding her. The wet sound of them meeting filled up the car as well as their moans, whines, dirty talking, wet smacks from kissing, and heavy breathing.
“Fuckin’ squeeze me again and I don’t think I’ll last. Gonna cum so hard for you.” Harry growled, pulling her into a desperate kiss once more. Y/N moaned against her lips and moved her hands from his shoulders to his jaw and cupped his face on either side of her bobbed on his lap. Feeling the coil in her belly grow closer and closer to snapping and for her to release all over his cock.
The thought made her moan louder, making Harry groan. “You sound so fucking sexy, m’love. Fuck me.”
“I am.” She responded cockily. This caused Harry to give a sharp thrust, making Y/N moan loudly against his lips and pull away to look at her boyfriend who had a cocky smile on his face. “I hate you sometimes.” She mumbled to him, making Harry laugh breathlessly at her words and pressed a kiss to her cheek.
“Well, you’re fucking me. So, I guess that you don’t hate me a lot.” He joked, moving his lips down her jaw and moving one of his hands from her hips to go between the two of them to help her get to the orgasm she needed as she continued bobbing on his length. And for him to join her afterwards. He always wanted her to cum before him. And he could tell by how she was constantly squeezing his length. And he was getting close as well by the way his stomach was tensing and his prick twitching inside of her.
Threatening to spill.
Y/N opened her mouth to let out a sarcastic laugh but instead what left her mouth was a loud moan once Harry’s thumb quickly rubbed circles at her clit. Her eyes closed tightly and buckled over in pleasure. Feeling the coil in her tummy getting close to snapping. Feeling the insane amounts of pleasure that is now coursing through her veins.
“Ha-Harry, fuck babe.” Y/N moaned, guiding his head away from her neck and to her lips to kiss him desperately as her bobs got sloppy. Squeezing his length as she did so, trying to get him close to his orgasm as well so that they could come together.
"Yeah, am I making you feel good? Are you close? Please cum for me m'love. Please, I need to feel it. Need to feel you cum around me. Feeling you squeezing around me, feeling so fucking good.” He asked, pleading towards the end and talking dirty to get her to cum. She nodded quickly to his words with a small whine and moved her head to his ear, leaving a wet kiss below his ear before whispering desperately in his ear while slowing her bobs. Squeezing his length desperately so he could cum with her. Harry closed his eyes at the feeling of the kiss that she left before pressing her lips against his ear to whisper.
“I want you to come with me, Harry. I’m so close, baby. Please come with me, I want to feel it all warm inside of me.”
This urged Harry on and sparked a fire in his lower stomach, making him hurry his thumb against her clit and quickened his thrust. Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck and let him take control. Allowing him to thrust into him so that the two of them could reach their end.
And it really only took a few more thrust and rubs on Y/N’s clit when she announced that she was going to cum and pulled him into a desperate kiss, for what feels like the millionth time that night. It took one more clench around Harry’s length and then the coil snapped and made her moan and throw her head back from her pleasure that was coursing through her veins. She released all over Harry’s cock and made her feel like she was floating from the ecstasy she felt. Her heart beating quickly against her chest as she reached her end.
She felt Harry give a few more sloppy thrust before he released into her with a loud groan and burrowed his head into her neck. Y/N moaned yet again as she felt a warmth fill her, making her smile at the familiar feeling that filled her. She moved her hands into his sweaty curls, moving them out of his face and combed her fingers through them. Pressing kisses along his temple. The two of them panting in the silence as they calmed down from their highs, Harry pressing lazily, kissing her neck along with his soft pants that cooled down her heated skin.
A few seconds later, Harry pulled away from her neck to look at her and smiled at her. His eyes now back to their natural olive green, his face sweaty as well as his sweaty dripping down the strands. Both of their chest were heaving from the activity but they were happy. Harry took in a deep breath to calm himself down as Y/N continued to comb her fingers through his hair and returned the smile.
“We need to do this again, really soon.” He breathed out, making Y/N shake her head with giggles leaving her lips. They’re definitely not doing this soon, likely will have car sex again. Just not in the front seat where there’s not much room to do what they’d like to do.
“Probably not in the front seat, not enough room. Plus I’m wearing something a little special under this dress that you’re yet to see.” She teased towards the end, seeing Harry’s eyes widened in surprise at her words and looked at her chest and down like he’s supposed to see it through her dress.
“Really? You wore something for me tonight?” He questioned, his eyes wide like a puppy. Y/N nodded her head with a giggle leaving her swollen lips and moved her hands away from his sweaty hair to his face and caressed his cheekbones, watching as Harry leaned into her touch.
“Yeah, I did. And I wanted to show you when we got home but you were in a hurry to get between me legs because you can’t keep it in your pants so I couldn’t really show you.” She joked through a breathless laugh. Making Harry whine at her words and bit at her palm lightly in retaliation.
“Well, we can still make it home for me to see it. Have all night to appreciate each other. And it’s not me who started it. It was you who did over dinner. So, yeah of course I’d want to be with you this way after you tell me your thoughts that you’ve had about.” He stated. Y/N pushed his shoulder playfully with one of her hands that she moved away from his face. Harry laughed along with her.
“Well, if you want to see it. You better let me get in my seat and get ourselves back together so we can get going.” Y/N stated, making Harry nod to her words and allowing her to get off his lap. The two of them whining at Harry’s length leaving her center, Y/N feeling empty and Harry missing her warmth and tightness. Afterwards Y/N and Harry got dressed once again (Y/N just moved her panties over her core while Harry pulled his trousers and boxers up, buckling his belt). After that Harry started the car and the two of them were on their way home.
And after they did get home, they did have multiple rounds of sex. In the living room, kitchen, their bedroom, and the bathroom when they were getting a shower for the night. Both of them getting to do what they wanted to do that they weren't able to do in the car. Both of them got to taste each other, take control. All those rounds having amazing aftercare and pillow talk afterwards.
And Harry did appreciate the lingerie piece Y/N had on for him. He really appreciated it. The proof being the stain on his boxers when he caught sight of it. And pictures on his phone that he took to have one the lonely night when she was able to be there with him.
They stayed up late talking till they both equally fell asleep. Harry spooning Y/N with his tattooed arm tightly under her bare breast, one hand on one of her breasts. One of Y/N's hands over his and the other under her pillow.
The two of them slept with smiles on their faces.
The excitement to see Mateo tomorrow and to hear his squeals to see his parents after being a night apart. Even though they appreciate the night they’ve been given with intimacy, when the high of that was over and they woke up the following morning. They missed their son and were ready to go pick him up so they could spend the day with him.
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elektranhatcios · 1 year
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this goalless dramaless mess is all on those of you who said that whoever wins gets james corden. it's like you invited them to suck on purpose.
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crunchybones-jpg · 4 months
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I’m so deeply upset by how much Cats (2019) messed up the characterisation and performance of the characters and the show itself.
Cats is one of my favourite shows of all time, and a massive part of that comes from the overwhelming whimsy and playfulness of the entire thing. The movie took such a magical, dreamy show and turned it into a corporate nightmare.
Rebel Wilson and James Corden are some of the worst casting choices I have ever seen in a movie adaptation. Playing such genuine roles for gags took all the life and respect from them.
I have many many more things to say but to keep it brief, they have sucked the life, joy, and whimsical fun out of a show built purely on those three concepts.
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jeffstincotingz · 1 year
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Omg I found a tweet that confirms that Jeff was in fact born in 1975 and not 1978!!!!!
Thank you, Samantha, for reminding us that Jeff Stinco is, and will always be born in 1975!!!!! Same time as Charlize Theron, Sheree Murphy, Shelly Cole, and Rodrigo Santoro!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you so much, girl, you are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
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eightdoctor · 6 months
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please elaborate on the Paul films you think are good (I’m assuming Withnail is one of them lol)
hello thank you for the ask!! i always love getting them :3 but yeah upon looking at pauls filmography ive realized ive seen wayyy more of his tv stuff than his films (most of which are kinda just really bad but made good by the fact i get to look at him) and i think his tv stuff is usually way better than his movies so im just gonna go through all the movies ive seen. with him
i should note im literally mostly ranking these on how paul llooks in them. because i watched these during quarantine and its all a blur
withnail and i <- literally my favorite film of all time i can quote the whole thing. i watch it in my head when im bored. it changed me irrevocably. i love it and also paul is justsuch a wet sopping pathetic sexy beast in it
paper mask <- ok i did like this one. it's kind of insane and an entertaining watch and it's one of his movies that ive actually seen multiple times. paul plays the banjo and sings in it a bit and he's also really cute in his little outfits while committing medical malpractice and identity theft
the doctor who movie <- you already fucking know what i think of this one baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the biographer <- oohhhh he's wearing glasses...... and a cute sweater.........i found this one interesting enough. i think
hotel! <- blantant fucking airplane! ripoff but still kind of really funny in my opinion if you like that sort of humor. peter capaldi is also in here
the rainbow <- isn't good but you get to see his bare ass and watch him run naked in a field so that has to count for something i suppose. i also think it has his first ever sex scene in it so it's funny to watch
dealers: this one is about the stock market and i dont remember shit from it but i sure did watch it !!!!!!! but hes a little business boy in a little business suit and even wears a turtleneck
catherine the great: this one is only for the most skilled paul mcgann watchers as his brothers are in it and literally i can't tell them the fuck apart. and i dont remember anything in it except paul has a scar (hot)
lesbian vampire killers <- this fucking sucks. james corden is in it. it's supposed to be a comedy but none of it is funny except for the parts with paul :)
the monk: not good in the slightest but he has a tonsure which is hilarious. to me
downtime: it's fine i think. im putting it last because i cant even remember what he looked like in it
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hostilemuppet · 2 months
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I wasn’t sure who Russel brand was either and just looked him up, either it’s a fault of mine (I barely pay attention to pop culture) or he’s just not as big here in the us.
russell brand transcends pop culture since he now makes rightwing conspiracy commentary videos on youtube.
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yes, that thing we established about tdau creek that seemed out of nowhere, it was because of his va. its NOT why we made him a sex addict though that was completely separate it just felt like it worked for his character. maybe it was a subconscious thing idk
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it is. wild to me. that when i got into trolls i saw people talk so much about how "oh it sucks they got amy schumer" or "cant believe theres james corden" but, even when they were kissing creeks tiny little troll feet, no one even mentioned his va. like. weve known hes a freak since 2006. trolls 1 came out in 2016. they cast him KNOWING he was a rapist. does that not deserve, like, a footnote?
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adultswim2021 · 4 months
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Xavier: Renegade Angel #19: “Damnesia You” | April 10, 2009 - 12:15AM | S02E09
This was just so great, man. I loved this so much. I don’t even want to review this all that much. Fuck it! I won’t! There have been a bunch of special episodes lately. The Racist one! The one-long-sketch one! This one! This one starts off like Damnesia Vu, with Xavier in the room with all them colored doors. He’s in some kind of mind-palace, if you’ll recall. In this one the doors lead to different viewer-submitted home-made versions of Xavier: Renegade Angel. Some of them are animated (both traditionally and not), and some of them are live-action, and some of them are a mix of both. 
A lot of the people and voices and styles seem vaguely familiar, at least to me. David Dineen-Porter is a guy I’ve seen perform comedy, and he is way brilliant. I read something on Reddit saying one of the guy’s is shmorky. I don’t actually know who shmorky is except for the fact that people say his name while grimacing and lowering their head in prayer. I googled it: it turns out he was involved in a “no bueno” situation. AHHH!!!
The episode takes the fan submissions and lets them play, sometimes. Sometimes the editors remix the entities a bit, which is nice of them.
Rather than talk about the content of the episode I am just gonna say this: I got high as fuck before watching it because it’s snowing outside, and that’s a good reason to use marijuana at 3PM. It probably helped me watch this three times, which I did. I watched it twice on the Adult Swim app, but the second time I pressed play was a mistake, and I just let it roll. “Roll that beautiful bean footage” I should have said.
The third time I watched it on DVD because I couldn’t identify the screengrab from shmorky’s cartoon, which I wanted to identify out of morbid curiosity, and the Adult Swim Roku app sucks for if you want to pause the episode. It sucks if you want to watch the last ten seconds of the episode without the screen dimming and being covered up by a big thumbnail of the next show in the autoplay, even if the credits are rolling over the final moments of the story. It fucking blows. 
I broke out the DVD just so I could pause it properly and read the names of the entries. I made a list of all of them here, because I don’t think there’s a list of them online anywhere, and that seems valuable, maybe.
The only other guy I actually remember here is David Dineen-Porter, who I’ve seen perform comedy and thought was brilliant. His IMDB shows that he wrote on the James Corden show. I hope he made an obscene amount of money and is currently buying lots of guns with it (I mean this nicely). 
Also, I found a link to every entry on it’s own. 
Grant “Manfred” Duffrin - Xavier Lends a Helping Hand Eric “Emotikkkon” Binmoeller - Meerkats David Dineen-[“] Porter: Self the Eye the Sees The Cream Within Shelby A. Hohl - As Above So Below Andrew De“hole”Young - Prism Jay Z. Yum David “He” Health - Gazzavier Renegade Angel Goes Up A Mountain Chiyoung “2:29” Lee DDS - Catch They Neighbor Robert “t S”mith - Omnippletence/The Phone Call Colyn “Bynumb” Emery - Art What Art Thou Dave “Da Grave Slave” Kelly - Xavier Looks Behind His Eye Amy “Peanut butter” Warner - Dog Eats Ketchup (couldn't find) John “Bobby ‘the ‘der’ Sanch’ Sanchez” Santos - Sueo Mojado Jason Dorris - Portly “n’ Jelly” Porthole Bo “Bikey” Thrice - Superhole Shuffle
Also: Those CLOSING CREDITS! A friend of mine told me to look out for them, and I said "okay".
MAIL BAG:
the cinco brothers are electric. they should bring them back and let them tell more stories about their lives.
The Sinko Brothers are in jail for nasty crimes and I hope they stay there. This thought is crude. Shame on you
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goongiveusnothing · 7 months
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his ego won't let him stay close to anyone.
Or maybe everyone that's close to him eventually shows there true colors and just wants to use him to boost there careers, or maybe it's because all of Harrys friends are getting married or in committed relationships, having babies. Harrys getting older and so are his friends things change priorities change it's a part of life. Harry sacrificed a big part of his life to have the life style he lives. His priorities are touring, making money building a brand, his friends chose a different path. I think some of you need to stop being so critical.
If you still have people in your life from childhood your one of the lucky ones, some of us don't we made sacrifices and that ment cutting people loose that wasn't meant for part of our journey doesn't mean we are damaged, or can't have committed relationships. Geeesh
Or maybe everyone that's close to him eventually shows there true colors and just wants to use him to boost there careers
and harry doesn't use them? he has literally tried to surround himself with victoria's secret models and other celebrities like the gerbers or nick grimshaw and the primrose hill gang and the people from his movies, he's even tried to name drop his own former band mates for clout.
and what do you think james corden and ben winston and brad the trainer use harry for? his company? you don't think brad is living off "all the pussy" he's gotten from being near harry? are you that naive? xander literally bragged about how he could harry into a threesome with some girl, and harry was cool with that. harry even tried to get some dude laid onstage and it turned out he then started messaging children online.
sacrificed a big part of his life lmao. like he's lived in a war zone. if you can stay friends with anyone as rich as he is, that's on you.
his priorities are making money, his brand that he gives no shits about, and touring for the money. yeah. i wonder why nobody around him likes him.
if you're a multi millionaire celebrity and you can't keep any friendships apart from the people you pay for work and then perhaps potential work collaborators like taylor russell, then that is definitely a reflection of you. his fans can be butthurt about it all they want. they know his friends suck ass and his personal life seems like a disaster. who the fuck would want to hang out with the azoffs, xander, ben winston, james corden, and brad at every turn? it definitely reflects on him and his fans know that.
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