#ive only ever just existed. no one cares if im not there. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

creativebrainrot · 4 months

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i wonder what its like to genuinely feel special to someone. genuinely what is that like. to really feel, and know, on that deep level inside that youre someones favorite person. i have never felt that. im fighting off feeling like a. like an npc, constantly. even when i do technically feel good, i still dont feel like i matter. ive never felt like i was wanted. i feel like on a fundamental level my wiring that wouldve let me truly feel loved and wanted got ripped out by my abuser when i was a child. it sounds, dumb? like, "that couldnt possibly be enough reason" whenever i point out what i think caused this in me. but. he would come home from work and tell stories of amazing and interesting people who had my EXACT interests and hobbies. but he ignored me. i wasnt one of the one he valued and talked about. i was Too Loud whenever i sang. I was Annoying. i hurt his head. he never gave a shit about my art. never gave a shit about my hobbies. but there were all these amazing interesting beautiful characters he'd meet Out There. they were cool. they were the fun ones.

and now i feel replaceable.

now still as an adult i feel like im not anything. im replaceable. theres a better person out there somewhere who you should be friends with. im not unique. and any way that i might be theres someone out there without all my issues. you can do better than me. why are you still here.

its weird, its painful, its fuckin annoying. yeah brain i know everyone will get bored of us eventually. i know. but theyre interested right now so shut up and let us have this okay? just a crumb of niceness. of happiness.

you dont have to ruin good things now because they might wilt in the future. thats no way to live.

and idk i just kinda of wish i knew what it was like to be someones favorite. the person someone's always happy to see. someones comfort person. the person youd go to a party to see and be sad if they couldnt make it. idk. that kind of stuff.

but i just exist. thats how I feel anyway its probably not acurrate all of my issues give me warped perception. its not even the kind i could get rid of atm cause like. there is no switch to flick to feel like im lovable. I dont know how to start feeling worthy or wanted. i trust other's words when they tell me they care but i cant feel it. whenever i try to let myself feel like anyone cares i panic and feel like thats when my abuse will start again.

so i just dont even try to tear down the wall.

it hurts too much and its too scary and i just. cant. not right now.

i dont have it in me to start really feeling again, not yet.

anyway fuck my father and all abusive parental figures and abuser at large.

#abuse mention #abusive parents #tw abuse #creativelyrottedmind #rotthoughts #rambling #i wonder what thats like. to feel love. to feel wanted.#ive never felt like anyone Wanted me.#theres a longing in me that i cannot turn into words. to be wanted. to be desired. to be thought of when you arent around.#to be wanted. asked for. needed.#ive only ever just existed. no one cares if im not there.#im not important.

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dollarstoreartsupplies · 5 months

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you know how after black friday came out we all collectively named the hot chocolate boy oliver and wrote him as ethan's younger cousin?

well.... ethan is joey richter.... and he can still be the hot chocolate boy's older cousin because he's four years older then pete..... ted ethan pete power cousin trio

#Ethan green #pete spankoffski #ted spankoffski #starkid #god bless joey richter ethan :)#the only ethan ever to exist :)#steph finds out Pete's older cousin is ETHAN GREEN and loses her mind #like ive been thinking about this my ENTIRE Black Friday retail shift #like 14 year old Ethan babysitting 10 year old Pete over night and Pete thinks he's the coolest person ALIVE #baby trans boy Pete takes one look at Ethan green and goes THAT I wanna be THAT #and then only manages the boy part but he at least does that one well #I also love the concept of Pete and Lex having to interact #Hannah and Pete would be buds #I love Ethan green A LOT #I care about him #im honestly just desperate for a reason to write him into stuff #peter spankoffski

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

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...

#ever sit like a corpse in your own body?#im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we #deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to #give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway.#who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in #the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when #projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing #dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will #ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do #something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r #stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even #then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a #broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what?#lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything #done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i #think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with #thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno #whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is #hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse #but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday #unrelated

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feliciteacup · 11 months

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i just realized i havent posted here in weeks oops

i have a youtube and a tiktok where i post mostly everything but i keep forgetting to post it to here too 😭 so if you like my stuff maybe you should follow me there instead of here

honestly i dont know if theres even like a community or interest for voice acting on tumblr or anything but im still here just less active here than other places!

[lots of rambling in the tags...]

#idk #i just have fun with it even if i can barely find an audience #maybe its the fact that im so late to it?#i watched mlp from like 2013-2015 then fell out of it and only got back into it last year #and only started ''voice acting'' since february #and all the mlp voice acting videos i see on youtube are from like 2016-2020 when i was not in the fandom #so maybe i just missed the height of popularity or whatever #but people in the mlp discord servers im in seem to enjoy it so i like that #i would like to join servers specifically for mlp voice acting communities since i want to make friends who do this kinda stuff too #but idk if those even exist?#is this like a niche interest and hobby now idk #i just like doing it because it brings me joy #and ive been happier than i ever was before these past few months ive been doing this #and ive become more confident #not cringing at listening to my own voice anymore #not as scared to post my voice to the internet #ive found something i enjoy doing and even if other people dont care thats fine because i care and i have fun doing it #and i know no ones reading this and im just writing this for myself but its good for me to write all of this out somewhere

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mushroom-winners-proof · 2 years

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Thinking about how cowboy movies were directly inspired by samurai movies. And how cowboys and samurai existed at the same time irl.

no i dont think you understand this very thought has made my fucking brain rot for the past goddamn month and im still pissed we don't have more samurai x cowboy movies

#not kh #snap chats #I'VE ONLY SEEN ONE AND IT WAS THE BEST GODDAMN MOVIE EVER #OK MAYBE NOT BUT I STILL LOVE IT DEARLY #bro why dont we have more cowboy x samurai movies im begging you guys to send me some if you find any #i already watched red sun dont say it like i'll watch it again but i need new material im dying #japan LOVES westerns dude can we get the cowboy/samurai collab of the century please #it's so bizarre this isnt more of a concept thats taken advantage of like....#everyone loves cowboys... everyone loves samurai..... we are BURNING MONEY by not making more of this shit #hell even if yall got books on deck send them my WAY im obsessed with samurais and cowboys #anyway so this is still KH worthy thats why i was laughing while drawin cowboy terra #like 'finally the samurai cowboy ive always dreamed of'#i want a samurai cowboy character so bad #i watched sukiyaki western django and yoshitsune is the closest im gonna get to that #how do you even get a samurai cowboy i dont know i dont care i just want one #im gonna vomit #congratulations op the phrase of the day was 'cowboys and samurai existed at the same time'#i swear to god my brains melting so fast #i was kinda dead all day ngl like im truly In A Funk but this ??? Revived me #just needed an excuse to explode about my love for westerns and samurai LMAO THANKS GUYS #god i was so obsessed with samurai back in the day- I HAD A /FAVORITE/ SAMURAI YOU GUYS #i mean hattori was THE BASIS for modern samurai depictions how could i not but cmon his name had 'demon' in it #also kill bill ??? CLASSIC god i gotta rewatch it. and its sequel #i watched it with my friend after i told her i never saw it which caused her to flip her shit #AND WITH REASON its such a fun movie GOD #guess im having a movie marathon with myself this weekend #this reply was supposed to end ten tags ago i'll stop now before i run out and look like im rambling into oblivion

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strwbrymlkshake · 1 year

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I don't think I've ever been in a relationship this healthy before I don't know what to do 💀

#mine #🎸#DUDE my feelings are so weird like i cant even describe them cause theyre all over the place. im hoping someone sees this and sends me an #ask or something with advice if this is even gonna make sense. because i am so confused lmfao #First of all im always expecting something to go wrong so i feel like it might be the absence of Problems thats throwing me off #But he reassures me all the time and genuinely cares about me? in regards to my last post we talked about it and he comforted me #i feel like im kind of in an emotional limbo where im still processing everything. my yan moments make appearances more than my dere #i feel so cringe saying that as a native english speaker. well im here to express my feelings not to be judged <3 #but i definitely FEEL the jealousy more. like i exhibit both equally but im more emotional in a bad way than a good way #but its not cause of anything hes doing at all! hes perfect?! i dont know how to handle it!! i only know how to be jealous #at least if im mean im not as likely to get hurt and thats why im afraid to feel lovey things as much??? im making myself sound like #a bastard but ive just been feeling more anxiety and getting worried about Relationship Stuff and that kills the vibes #but he doesnt even mind he doesnt treat my problems like a burden. he isnt sick of them he doesnt abandon me. he loves me and i am still so #bewildered? like. hes the nicest guy ive ever dated. ill gush about new people i meet but they do have flaws. i just dont acknowledge them #because im so blinded by idolization. but for this one ive thought everything out i have PONDERED for so long and he really is just such a #good person. how? WHY?? he has not done anything wrong and its just my mental illness that causes ALL the problems. but he wants to #BE there and comfort me. what the fuck my brain is like short circuiting. people this nice exist? he doesnt want to use me??#and ofc this is all in the romantic sense. i still have friends that i value very much but this post is focused on romance #watch me say all this then he does something horrible. <-SEE IM SO NEGATIVE i expect things to go wrong #my main problem is im confused about my feelings they feel very tangled and muddled. im happy of course but i feel like the part of me that #feels romantic happiness/genuine satisfaction is all fucked up and broken. but he doesnt mind that im this way 🥲 WHY #HE ASSURES ME EVERYTHINGS OKAY he is there for me he cares about me but i cant wrap my head around it! im. this is so weird #one of my goals is to be less focused on being insane and actually get things done. w all my relationships i have a time blur thing #where i feel like time passes differently even more than it does for me. im just thinking so much bruh #right i think i was gonna go about getting adderall because of the everything all the time. im feeling numb but also #literally every emotion all at once. and it consumes me and my waking thoughts. i guess it was easier to ignore before?

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ruairy · 1 year

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#it has really been a long time since ive drawn anything really abd like #sometimes i sit and wonder if I'll even remember how to draw my ocs when/if i get back into it #i dont even mean this in a depressing way but more of a like. weird object permanence kind of way #this is probably the longest ive ever gone without drawing ecen one thing and its really weird!!!!#what am i without my One defining trait which is being able to draw lmao #i can also write but i have no intention of ever posting my writings anywhere lol #i think i wpuld kind of like to start getting back into the art thing in the new year but!!!!#whos to say if that will happen #at this point in time i don't really care aside from when i look through my art and think aaaaaaaaa #i miss drawing #and then im like ok well im over it like two minutes later #sertraline is weird and also makes me wonder what spurred me to draw while i was unmedicated #i think it really was entirely for attention lmao #awful awful little gremlin that i used to be ( like a year ago)#i do miss my ocs though!!!!#yeah they live in my brain and are constantly rotating like sweetly glazed rotisserie chickens but i miss seeing them u get me #and unfortunately im the only one who can truly draw them the way they are intended to be #i kinda feel bad for them rn!!!!! they simply cannot exist without me and if i never draw again then they can never be known #on other news i wanna make a new pokemon oc to go alongside rua #they will never see the light of day but they'll just have to be ok with that

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latinokaeya-moving · 2 years

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truly do think this heat is making my dad go crazy because he’s been making the lives of everyone in this house a living hell for the past week just on his whims and random temper tantrums like this cannot go on i’m so sick of just being forced to take whatever stupid shit he decides to throw at us speaking as if he’s the righteous man of the house that knows it all n keeps this family afloat w his ~logic~ and ~reason~ i’m not kidding the next time this man speak to me or my mum or my brother in this way i’m killing myself

#x #i’m so tired i have no more patience maybe it’s the weather that has me frayed but he’s been so awful to all of us and we’re barely able to #catch a break n shake off his outbursts before the next one begins and we can’t say anything bc how dare we speak back or disagree with him.#the Man bc he’s the only one that actually knows how to take care and manage our family as if he doesn’t make us all constantly shrivel up #and cry and bite our tongues every second we’re around him i hate it i hate it here so much i want this man out of my life so fucking bad.#im sick!!! ive felt physically ill everyday for the past week bc of him and im sick of it!!! i’ve had enough of his faux psychological #bullshit abt caring abt us he’s so arrogant and self centered and guilt trippy n thinks he knows what’s best for us when he’s just making us #all WORSE #i’m going to go dunk my head in ice water and DIE i’m tired i’m so done i want out . men are the bane of my existence and have only ever #managed to make my life hellish and miserable

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pears-trinkets · 1 month

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#i just wanna have artist friends again to talk about art and hype each other up o(-(#share techniques and fandoms and have ocs together #i feel like i cant do art or feelings on my own anymore i need someone to feel it with me #but also depending on people like that is unfair so i stopped doing it and my heart was shattered into a million pieces #i had so many issues drawing the past 4 years and i only have one friend and they dont draw and are aq #are awkward with words but when i send them a photo of me trying to draw they literally didnt say anything and that was just :')#ive been struggling so much because of twitter and everyone i knew seeing my breakdown 4 years ago and knowing how many bridges i burned #and how difficult it is for me to draw at all and then share my art online and my friend told me its okay just share it with me #and when they dont say anything in me screams and feels so rejected i want to never talk to anyone ever again #im literally a shell of a human struggling with everything im a trauma response on two legs #and i wanna channel that into my two oc boys both being traumatized and leaning on each other but that also makes me feel so vulnerable #i feel like my existence is so pointless and just a burden on everyone who ever crossed paths with me #i imagine everyone i ever knew just talking badly about me how obnoxious i am and how selfish and ignorant and hurtful #and how happy they are about my downfall #im on mental sick leave and have finally a bit of time to catch my breath and im drawing again and feel better but i need to return to work #i cant do this #im so privileged and i still feel so bad and its so hard #i feel like every privilege i have will be followed by the most gruesome horrible thing because i dont deserve it and im unworthy of it #i dont think ill ever be able to build normal human relationships ever again ill shrivel up alone and die without anyone caring #while my mom is telling me im doing it on purpose and because i reject everyone #why is existing to painful and why am i doing worse worse doing it

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instantarmageddon · 10 months

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You know as a kid with Behavioral Issues™️ who's dad would grab them and shake them and threaten to beat them in public for doing Normal Kid Things I don't really remember the specific things he would yell at me, but I do remember looking to other adults for help and watching them pretend not to see me.

#VIVIDLY remember the face adults would make when they Averted Their Eyes #if they acknowledged the situation it was to commend my dad for 'keeping me in line'#for the record i only ever actually got hit a handful of times #but he would grab me and pinch me in ways that would hurt but not leave marks #like i would throw a fit over something stupid because i was 9 and it would turn into this fiasco where im sobbing snot running down my face #with a grown man standing over me threatening to spank me in the dairy aisle #while tim the milk man pretends he cant hear me begging to just be left alone #bc being quiet wasnt enough! he would get in my face and yell at me to smile so everyone knew i was okay!#that i wasnt being abused and i was fine!! smile right now before they get the wrong idea!!!!!#and like my mom didnt give a shit #shes totally checked out. she to this day swears days like this never happened and im exaggerating for attention #but i fucking remember man! i felt so fucking SMALL #i was like this lunatic is gonna fucking kill me and no one will care #bc like only a couple of times was enough to know that he was more than capable of hurting me! when he said im gonna beat you black and blue #i believed him!!#i used to think that i was the worst most evil child to ever exist. i thought i was the literal antichrist for a bit #and looking back i was just a small child who was grieving and needed someone to talk to #dont even get me started on the fucked up shit he used to say to me. like ive repeated it to people #and they just straight up dont believe it bc its so vile #and a lot of times there were witnesses!!#no one in our society gives two shits about children and thats why so many adults are so fucked up #anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk #i saw something fucked up today that i couldn't do anything about and now im having some sort of breakdown about it

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wishful-seeker · 8 months

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Tips on how to avoid being unintentionally ableist

1. When a disabled person says they cannot do something, and you wish to offer solutions, do not make a solution that involves them powering through pain, or something thats not accessible to the disabled.

Example:

Disabled person: "washing dishes hurts too much and i cannot do it."

Abled person: "what if you did one dish at a time throughout the day?"

This statement is not respecting that this disabled person just said they "can't". Always respect that. No matter how simple the task would be for you.

Disabled person:" i think ill use plastic silverware so i don't make dishes."

Abled person: "plastic is bad for the environment!"

This statement shuts down the most accessible and disabled friendly option that this disabled person can actually do because of the abled persons personal beliefs. This is not helpful, and ableist.

Better yet, instead of offering solutions, ask them directly "is there anything you need that you do not have that would help you do this?" This allows the disabled person to think about what would work, and they will always have a better idea of what would work than you do.

To add on to this, when we say we have no more energy to solve a problem or do a task, or change our lifestyle, we mean it.

2. If you feel discomfort when a disabled person is talking about their health, good and bad, that is ableist. Your discomfort is coming from a place that deams disabled peoples very existence as a bad thing and you need to fix that.

For example:

Disabled person:" this week has been rough pain wise, ive been through a lot, felt like my body was on fire. Lucky i got new meds though and i think they're helping!"

Abled person: "can we talk about something else, this is a bummer."

Disabled people should be able to exist freely without worrying about your personal comfort. Do you really think its appropriate to tell someone in constant pain that their life is making YOU uncomfortable?

3. Do not treat disabled people as tragedies, do not romanticize their old life or put their current one down.

For example:

Disabled person: "yeah my life is pretty difficult sometimes, ive lost a lot but i still have happy moments."

Abled person: "it makes me so sad to see what disabled people go through :(. You used to love rock climbing and running, i would love to see you move around more again."

This statement is putting more value on the disabled persons abled past, and ignoring their life as a whole.

4. Do not avoid speaking to disabled people because it hurts to see your loved one disabled.

For example: my grandmother avoids conversations with me because it hurts her to see me in pain. While she has good intentions it leaves me being unable to be close to her. This is very isolating to the disabled.

5. Do not stop inviting your disabled friend/loved one out even if they are never well enough to attend. Unless we specifically ask you to stop asking if we can go out, good chances are we want to know you still care because again, disability is very isolating.

6. When a disabled person says certain things in their health have gotten better or worse, do not challenge this because you don't see a difference.

For example:

Disabled person: "yeah things are getting a little better"

Abled person sees disabled person using their wheelchair like usual: "i thought you said you were getting better?"

Better and worse are usually small changes only the disabled experience, its not like abled people healing from a broken arm. Better to a disabled person could mean they can stand for 10 more minutes.

7. Do not expect disabled people to ever be abled again, and again, do not put more value on an abled life.

For example:

Disabled person:"I have been using a wheelchair for 2 years."

Abled person: "oh you're young, im sure you'll be walking around in no time!"

This statement invalidates and ignores the disabled persons current life by hoping they get a more abled bodied life. Its fine to hope disabled people get better, but you don't get to decide what better looks like.

Hope this helps, stay punk.

#cripple punk #ablism #physical disability #disability

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dangopango00 · 3 months

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ABYSS RAZOR CRUSH HCS BC IF I DONT GET SOME CONTENT I WILL DIE

Abyss Razor x gn reader

Prompt: yall r madly in love he has a crush on youuu (boyfail situationship hcs more like tbh)

A/N: sorry if this is rambly i cant live like this i keep rereading the same 4 or 5 posts over and over again ive been waiting for like a year and im getting teased with the tip PLEASEEE WRITE HIM 😭😭🤞 i cant ever escape the ‘nobodys fave but mine’ curse help

Ily losermen

Ily high ponytail men

Ily abyss razor

more utc

- Im gonna jump he is so kewt. Idek what to say im just ill

- You’d probably often compliment his eyes and you have this image that hes so calm and collected— which he is! But! Not with you! So every conversation with you is him just fighting for his life trying to look cool and not implode at the same time

- ^^^ THIS is one thing. But what really gets him falling for you is when you get a bit closer and have a talk with him, telling him in no uncertain terms that he’ll always have someone to return to if others are cruel because you won’t be leaving him

- Gives you things VERY often, usually little things because hed die if he had to directly give you a gift and then have to explain why, so he shows his affection in little ways like letting you have his best pencils and pens if you need it (lets you keep it too)

- oh he absolutely loses it if he sees you continue to use his pen hes so touched that you’re taking good care of what he gives you it shows that it means a lot to you and that he means a lot to you

- The only actual gift he gives you during this stage are things he has an excuse for like origami (idk why but i feel like he makes cool ass origami) he can just say he made too many so hes giving them away yet you and maybe Abel are the only ones who received some…

- He wants so badly to be useful to you he gets so flustered and happy just hearing you say thanks when he answers your question about the assignment or when he lends you his materials

- Immediately stiffens when you make any sort of contact. Dont stop though, he can count the times hes been hugged on one hand

- Speaking of his touch starvation, he’d let you play with his hair and looks forward to it tbh he’d just rather not initiate anything it’s too much for his heart

- If you have him take down his hair and play with it (like braid it or try different hairstyles) he’d feel so content; ofc he’s nervous but at the same time he just feels so at peace as if it’s only you two in the world and all the people who have ever wronged him never existed in the first place

- He’s a little bit delulu, i fear

- He gets so nervous texting and calling you bc what if you tell him ily. No that could never happen. Wait but what if it did— do you see his dilemma?

- He’s a chronic overthinker and in a way its a bit sweet because he used to worry about you randomly saying you didn’t want to be friends with him but now he wouldn’t even consider that possibility; it just no longer enters his mind

- He’d also find himself drifting off, losing himself in thought and end up daydreaming about if you two were in a relationship

- It’s very innocent, it’s just you two being cute and going places together while holding hands and such until it drifts even further to imagining you two kissing

- His face is on fire and he has to stop thinking NOW but hes in too deep hes imagining kissing ice cream off the side of your mouth and other cliches like that it’s so over

- Abel wondering wth is wrong with his right hand; all he said was that he was going to make mother happy by doing his homework today meanwhile Abyss can no longer be normal

- The kissing is just his guilty pleasure but Abyss constantly imagines holding hands with you like if you walk too close to him his hands will get clammy and his fingertips will get cold because he wants to hold your hand but is scared to initiate it

- God forbid you actually hold his hand even for a second while he’s having his entire internal monologue. He will die. You killed him. How could you?

- He won’t let go though like. Ever . Handholding is his favorite thing 5ever and as soon as he gets a taste he’s hooked

- He likes handholding so much that if you held his hand enough times then one time he’d accidentally grab your hand and initiate for once (immediately gets flustered after but it counts)

- Really really REALLY likes when u trace over his magic lines. Ruins his life everytime and he just melts in your touch; subconsciously leans in and his face softens and EVERYTHING

- Ok i wasn’t gonna say it bc itd probably involve sm sneaking but: Sleepovers. IM JUST SAYING 🤞🤞🤞 I feel like this is where most of the softer moments happen tbh like your roommate being out and you two have a sleepover

- I think this is where the playing with his hair and tracing the lines on his face would happen if not this then when you’re bored in class

- Not a fan of PDA even if ur not dating so he does play with your hair but usually during the sleepovers if you’ll allow him (not quite trying new hairstyles like you do but letting it fall through his fingers, running his hands through it or just rubbing the ends with his fingers to feel how soft it is)

- If you are bald he would slightly hold the back of your head and rub your temples with his thumb to help you relax

- Idk ik i just went on about how hes a loser but I feel like when it comes to affection relating to hair or like anything not affectionate in a cliche sense he doesn’t really pay attention and does it without thinking; only realizes its too affectionate if you point it out (please do not, he feels very comfortable right now. He will stop and never do it again if you point it out)

- You have a lot of deep talks and give him encouraging words during sleepovers tbh it just gives you both time to just… enjoy each other uninterrupted

- Sometimes instinctually distances himself from you because you make his heart do somersaults and his head feels like it’ll explode around you though he doesn’t last long, he needs you with him everyday atp 😭

- Although the above is true, sometimes he gets clingy ish (just by your side all the time) and protective over you even knowing you aren’t his

A/N: a ridonkulous amount of these r based on things ive done erm. Ok. Ig next thing i should write is him with an equally loser gf i def fit the bill LOL

#abyss razor x reader #abyss razor #mashle #mashle x reader #mashle x you #abyss razor x you #mashle magic and muscles #pathetic loser #loserman x reader #boyfailure #ILY ABYSS #Why do i got a thing for men w two seconds of screentime #cutie patootie

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stainedstardom · 1 year

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Can you do a chad and reader imagine, where reader and chad are best friends since middle school, and lately have gotten even closer since they both developed feeling for eachother, but reader walks in on chad and Tara kissing at the party and they get into it and chad and Tara say things they don’t mean to the reader and then reader gets attacked really bad and when she wakes up in the hospital she doesn’t think she can forgive them?

yes omg the angst and pain and sadness

I CARED TOO MUCH

chad meeks martin x fem!reader (not dating but she is in love with him)

falling in love with your best friend is the worse thing you could ever do to yourself. you knew they wouldn't love you the same way, wouldn't care for you the same way, wouldn't look at you the same way and yet you fell.

you and chad had been best friends since 5th grade, over time you got closer and closer. after everything happened during your senior year in woodsboro, chad decided that he wanted you to never be alone, he wanted you to be safe and sound and the only way he could do that was by being as close to you as he could be.

so he came to new york with you, against his own judgement, he began to fall for you the way you fell for him but something in him told him it wouldn't end well. told him you didn't feel the same way and so he did what he does best.

he distanced himself, he made himself scarce and practically non-existent in your life. it hurt you more then you thought it would but you let it happen. you let him fade no matter how much you hated it and no matter how much it hurt.

you stuck with him and the group. which brings you to here, you sat in the living room of sams apartment. tara and chad were away and you knew what was happening but you didn't want to believe it. you wanted to make it fake

"FUCK Y/N, GO GET CHAD AND TARA" sam yelled as quinns dead body got thrown and you screamed. you ran to the room and opened the door to see chad and tara

"fuck y/n go away" chad yelled as he made eye contact with you. you were frozen

"god y/n youre so fucking weird, theres a reason we don't talk to you" tara told you and you nodded. you felt your chest tighten and almost forgot what was happening outside

"Y/N GO, I DON'T WANT YOU HERE" he yelled and you turned to see ghostface down the hallway. they stared at you in almost a sad way, they had heard everything and even they felt bad.

"fuck run" you told them but they didn't listen, they didn't care, not until they saw you get stabbed and they ran. they didn't even look back, chad did but he didn't stop. you had blood flowing out of your arm and your stomach.

you passed out and the next morning you woke up in the hospital , the light shined on your face and you groaned making mindy look over at you

"y/n youre awake" she said

"im alive?" you asked and she laughed

"youre alive" she told you as she hugged you and you hugged her back. in the corner of the room, there was chad and tara. they stared at you and you scoffed as you looked away from them

"y/n" chad began and you turned to him

"get out" you exclaimed

"what?" he asked

"get the fuck out" you said and tara sighed as she walked out with Mindy. chad sighed

"im sorry" he said and you laughed even though it hurt you, the stitches seemed to stretch but not burst and you were grateful for that.

"ya know, i never thought you could be such an asshole, actually no I knew you could be one but not to me. you've never been mean to me and I guess that's what made me love you" you told him

"love me?" he asked

"ive been in love with you for years and you never noticed, at some point i thought you loved me too but i realized that i just cared too much and you didn't care at all" you stated

"no no i do care" he tried

"chad come on, dont lie we both know you don't. i mean last night you and tara both told me that there's a reason you don't talk to me and you don't want me there. i think you should leave because right now, I cant even look at you" you told him

"y/n please" he begged

"youre not the guy i fell in love with and you're not the guy I thought I knew" you said and that took his breath away. he got up as he walked out of the room and looked to see mindy , sam, tara and ethan staring at him.

they had all heard and usually they would be proud of you for telling him your feelings but now they just felt sad for you and wanted to hug you.

you couldnt forgive them and you didnt know if you ever would

A/N; the angst broke me

#chad meeks martin x you #chad meeks martin #chad meeks x reader #chad meeks martin x y/n #chad meeks martin x reader #chad meeks martin angst #mason gooding #scream 6 #scream fanfic #scream

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kxmikomrade · 1 year

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Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! I didn't know you didn't write for f!reader.

So, could I request headcanons of Isagi, Bachira, Rin, Reo, and Sae with a Gn! Reader who's a cheerleader?

🍁˖࿐ Cheerleader! S/O - Isagi, Bachira, Rin, Reo, Sae

╰┈➤Hcs of them with a Cheerleader! s/o! (not the stereotype i think? im guessing u meant the sport since i heard its hard) Genre: Fluff and crack? Gn!reader or Any gender Warnings: Swearing obviously, kinda short so theres that, not proof read Waiter's Notes: Hello lovely!! its alright dear :)) just make sure to read the req page/rules next time ^^ Kinda short since im forgetful, the only cheerleading movie ive watched was like over a year ago and too lazy to do research

Masterlists Req Page/Rules

MAD RESPECT

He has ALOT of respect for you in general but this? it just tenfolded bro

Tries to come to all your competitions!! and vise versa, unless your competition times overlap :'D

Comes to your practices too <3

Always makes sure to bring snacks and drinks for you

Keeps track of your diet if you have one, but ALWAYS makes sure that you arent pushing yourself too much

Coming to his games with your team/friends to cheer!

He would be SOOOOOOOOO flustered but cmon, he looks ADORABLE when he is <3333

VERY SUPPORTIVE AND GOOFY!!!

He stops by your practice and tries to do your routine, it ends up in a mess and your coach is scolding you both LMAO

But he only had good intentions!

He wanted to take your mind off things like the competition since he knows it makes you nervous, and nervous you is well- not the best you 😭😭

again, he BRAGS to anyone and EVERYONE. about you and how youre so cool doing all those tricks and things ykyk!!

He probably drags isagi to watch your competitions tbh

When you come to watch his matches and cheer, he has the BIGGEST smile ever!! 🥹🥹

Its basically like shoving 5kg of sugar into his mouth, hes so energetic and motivated now <3

guys theres literally a reason why i didnt add him on the artist hcs and its bcs i genuinely think that he wont give a fuck 🧍

Like, you do cheerleading? okay cool👍

But for the sake of this hc then imma put all my brain juice into this one

Might come to your practices whenever he has spare time/he remembers and gives you either those nice energy drinks or some suspicious green fruit-vegetable shake 💀💀

But thats pretty rare

most of the time, you two meet up and do yoga/cool down together, maybe get icecream after bcs SCREW YOUR DIETS FOR ONCE ‼️‼️

If you come to his matches to cheer, then he would mostly be surprised because from the manga and light novel, no one really watched his matches

So he feels warmth blooming in his chest and subconciously works harder to score a goal

Its hard to find out which one of you two is the cheerleader tbh

deadass cheers MORE than you when it comes to your competitions no SHIT

also, your outift fees? covered. transportation fees? no need, get on his limousine. Props being too expensive? Honey no, 'Expensive' doesnt exist anymore remember?

He basically covers for everything you spend 🧍🧍

Im gonna bet on everything that you have this room in the mikage corp thats specifically for your private practices, like the one reo used to practice soccer

Pays his teammates to go with him to cheer you on your competitions 😭😭😭😭

Come to his matches to cheer and this guy will MELT

his teammates tease him for giving you the googly eyes LMAOOO

Unlike rin, this guy actually cares

kinda

well, more than rin, thats for sure <3

He's a busy guy so he mostly watches you on his phone

speaking of that, he has this album on his gallery thats just pics and vids and clips of you 😭

AND LET ME TELL YOU

IT TAKES UP LIKE 24GB OF HIS STORAGE 💀💀💀💀

Hes dedicated so atleast theres that 🤷😭

When you come to his matches, he might not see you at first bcs theres literally tens of thousands of people but when he does?

He performs a small gesture with his arm/s from a small routine you both came up with <33

(599 words)

im sorry dis is short, i literally dont know wat else to write 😭😭😭

#blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock x you #isagi yoichi x reader #isagi x reader #yoichi isagi x reader #bachira x reader #bachira meguru x reader #meguru bachira x reader #rin itoshi x reader #itoshi rin x reader #sae itoshi x reader #itoshi sae x reader #reo mikage x reader #reo x reader #mikage reo x reader

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keishawantskisses · 6 days

Text

"Haven't you ever seen skin like mine?" A vault

Skin clarity + glow | Skin tone | skin clarity

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

⋆.˚ Skin clarity .𖥔˚

My skin is just so clear and beautiful, I can't help staring and feeling it. I am just in awe at how wonderfully blessed I am to be born with such perfect ideal skin. It is so gorgeously smooth, and while its firmness keeps me looking young and perfect, it is still supple and has a slight bounce to the touch.

I mean my skin is so perfect some friends ask me what brand of skin care I use to get my skin so even and glowing like it does, but truth be told.. genetics and positive assumptions about myself I guess😭?? I've never had any reason to use skin products because my skin has always been naturally flawless, and ive never had any reason to doubt myself because literally look at me- i am the proof. That's just my nature. But every now and then, I'll get gifted high-quality skin korean care sets and expensive most wanted skin moisturisers with the most delicious and entising scents by my mum "just in case" but also because the process is fun😋

It's also so fun being able to eat whatever I want without ever having to worry about my skin because nothing could ever affect its perfectness. I just eat what I want, and the after-effects are like a couple of crumbs on my lips and still looking pretty😭

But some people do be jealous tho🙄. "There is no way she can eat what she likes and still look that good" one says and "what about the acne? Has she even gotten a spot once?" another says. And it's even better when I post pictures or videos cus haters really be out here doing there best to convince themselves and everyone around them (like the clowns they are) that skin is impossible to look that perfect and it HAS to be makeup or it HAS to be a filter or she MUST have gotten some surgery of a kind and they all couldn't be more wrong lmao. I just be existing and nothing else and i am just that naturally radiant😂

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

⋆.˚ Skin colour.𖥔˚

I've had people pointing out how dewy and golden like my skin is like all my life and I never even thought about it until now. Well, I kind of always knew that I have the most gorgeous, jaw dropping skin colour that ranged between a deep caramel tan in the light and like a golden brown in the dark; I've even been accused of bleaching my skin to get a lighter tone once but how would that even make any sense when my tone changes slightly due to lighting?😭😭 But anyway other than that one person I've been getting remarkable amounts of compliments both in person and on social media about how glorious my skin colour looks. It's kind of overwhelming but ive been fighting though it.

skin colour in the dark | skin colour in bright lightings

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

1 dimple is ♡shaped | I sweat= I shimmer | cutest mole marks

⋆.˚ Unique features.𖥔˚

— Glittery skin when I sweat

I have a rare phenomenon that only 0.0001 in the entire human population have, with my skin where if I am to sweat, my skin will have a light glittery coat. Scientists have recently come to find out that the glittery coat left behind by the sweat is a natural skin protecting barrier. This is incredibly useful for preventing skin problems like rashes, strawberry skin, and uneven skin texture. Scientists have not found a name for this yet (im scientists and don't know what to call it)

— ♡Shaped Dimple

Another rare phenomenon for people to get is dimples. Only 0.01 of the entire human population have dimples, and an even smaller number of people (me) have a heart-shaped dimple. There is nothing scientific about this tho, it's just fun to look at

— Beauty marks / moles

I have a couple of cute beauty marks on my body and face. Also somewhat rare, somewhat not lol. Nothing more to add😊

@theshifterbear @livingmydreamlife5555 @4ellieluv

This was lowkey entertaining to script especially the unique features one too. ONTO THE NEXT!

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kucherovv · 1 year

Note

do you have any recs for posts analyzing or fics about jamies cptsd?

cptsd!jamie is kind of something that just lives in my head. ive never seen any other analysis of it (i guess maybe .. i will write it soon ..)

i believe in my heart that any fic written post-amsterdam ep codes jamie as having cptsd just because he doesn't remember that specific piece of trauma, which is. The biggest sign of cptsd

there ARE some pretty good fics that can be read as cptsd fics. these are just from my bookmarks so there's definitely some im missing. also a lot of these are very triggering obviously so be careful! read the tags!

about to burn (and still on fire) - this is literally the only fic in existence that ever explicitly names cptsd as jamie's issue and it's EXCELLENT. easily one of the best jamie trauma exploration fics out there. i really like this characterization of him :)

the same story - OH MAN this changed my life. it's on chapter 9/13 but it's about jamie having a really public, violent confrontation with his dad + having to deal with the consequences of that. it's really, really cptsd-esque. he dissociates a lot and also theres a lot of focus on how jamie uses anger to push people away before they hurt him.. yep

white knights and silver linings - brand new!!! ted and jamie kind of healing together. really explores (in my opinion) how cptsd affects the rest of ur life + can directly cause other issues. it is NOT double-spaced tho.

the entire dessert series - one shots about jamie being helped by the people around him. all of his symptoms in this are cptsd ones

sounding overly valorous (sounds like penance) - jamie + roy working through jamie being triggered by roy yelling at him

the invalidated silent screams of the tormented - not finished

all the tired horses - jamie trying to reconcile the way that ted acts (aka being nice to him) with the way that his former coaches have acted ahh so good

sins of the father - i lovee this one.. jamie's dad blackmails him basically.. yeah

i get by with a little help - i love fics where jamie gets hurt again and this is maybe the best one.. soo sad so awful but it all ends up ok so!

anyways yeah this is just a small portion of fics that COULD be taken as cptsd!jamie because im literally the only person who has ever headcanoned it

#i will actuaqlly write a cptsd!jamie thing once im done w finals hehe <3 hes my fav ever #and hes so obviously cptsd.. how did people see him not remembering his trauma and NOT take that as him having cptsd #jamie tartt #ted lasso #anon #ask

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