#ive been missing a lot of school because there are times when even just sitting is painful | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

widowmaxff · 2 months

Note

Hiii WandaNat x daughter reader where R was severely harmed in a mission or got involved.

For example, they Nat or Wands were assigned on a mission to investigate and just so it happens, R was there so when chaos started, R was severely injured and like got a pretty bad brain damage which she will fight through. How will the mother's copee??

Thankss!

safe & sound

pairings: parents!wandanat × daughter!reader (platonic)

warnings: angst, bad writing :P, crying, physical violence, hospital, natasha blames herself ;((, lots of love from moms <3

a/n: im really sorry it took me SO long to write this request, ive been having awful weeks and im really trying to write. anyway, i hope you like it and thank you very much for the request luv <333

When you decided you wanted to follow in the same footsteps as your mothers, they didn't react so well. You always trained with the Avengers, closely watching their next steps for any unforeseen circumstances and how good they were at what they did. And you especially loved seeing Wanda and Natasha fighting, they have been your inspiration since you were little and understand each other.

You remember when you asked your mother Natasha to start going on missions, even if it was the easier ones that would only take a few hours, and you could swear you saw her eyes light up with regret. Not that she didn't trust you, but both Natasha and Wanda knew that any mission would be dangerous and the last thing they wanted was to leave you hurt or for anything bad to happen to you. So, you started to train even more and show how much you dedicated yourself to going on one of these missions and, as your mothers knew you so well, they knew that you wouldn't give up until you went on one of them.

"Fury allowed you to go on this mission with one of us," Natasha was sitting in front of him next to Wanda in the meeting room. You couldn’t hide the smile on your face, your legs shaking because you were so excited for your first mission. "It's an easy mission where you just have to investigate and collect some important information in an old Hydra base." You nod listening to every detail of what you needed to do.

"Fury assured us that there will be no one and no agent, but for your safety you will carry a weapon, okay?" Wanda, your other mother, spoke this time. She also seemed to be a little worried about your first mission since she remembers very well what it's like to be in the hospital bed after one or see anyone else in it. Just imagining you in that position makes her body shiver.

Your mothers start to tell you some information about what you should know and what would happen. Even though the mission was so easy and simple, Wanda decided that it would be better if Natasha accompanied you, since if she went along she might end up getting so nervous that she would faint. And even though you assured that you would be careful, she made you hug her for at least five minutes, stroking your hair and giving you all the comfort you would need for that mission. "I love you so much my love."

"I love you very much too, Mama." You felt Wanda leave a long kiss on your hair as you laid your head on her shoulder. "I promise everything will be fine."

She laughs and takes a deep breath. "I'm the one who should be saying this. But you're right, my love." You separate from her and see that her eyes were full of tears.

Even though it seemed a little dramatic, you knew that Wanda was very close to you. Whenever your mother missed you because you were only away from home for a few hours, you remember when Natasha told you that when it was your first day of school when you were a toddler, Wanda didn't want to let you go at all. And now several years later, she still reacted the same way.

"Alright, we better go before Wanda makes us give up." Natasha says, making her other mother roll her eyes before walking towards her, leaving a long kiss on her lips.

"Ew, not in front of me." You make a disgusted expression at them, even if it was just a joke. You've always admired how much your mothers are in love with each other and how much they show it on a daily basis. Wanda always preferred physical affection to love Natasha, and Romanoff always preferred acts of service to love Maximoff. And even though they were different things, the two never disliked these acts.

"One day it's going to be you, sweetheart." They giggle before hugging each other as they say 'I love you'.

[...]

Your hands sounded as you entered the Hydra base. A gun in hand as you looked in every corner of that place. You felt like something was out of position, but you tried not to worry. Maybe it was just your anxious conscious or maybe you were just too nervous. The noise of your heart was too loud and the only thing you heard was the faint footsteps of your boot on the ground. And even though you tried to focus on what was happening there at the moment, it seemed like now all of your mother Wanda's nervous genes were in you.

"I think I found it, Mom." You speak into the device in your ear, Natasha listening on the other side. She praises you, sending a wave of comfort to your mind that seemed to be trying to sabotage you at that moment.

You quickly place the pen drive in the computer and see the percentage of how much was transferred appear on the screen. You hold the gun tightly in your hands as you scan the place, looking at every possible corner. You walk to your right calmly, trying not to make too much noise in your tall black boots. And when you were about to take the next step, a big tud behind you made you turn around quickly, still with the gun pointed forward. "Mom, I just heard a noise-" And before you could finish speaking, the lights in the place went out completely, the energy going out.

"Y/n- need- leave-!" The device in your ear was getting stuck a lot, loud noises disturbing what little you could hear. Natasha tried to say something, but you almost couldn't hear, leaving you alone with your own thoughts.

With all the training you had you tried to stay as calm as possible. Even if you couldn't see if someone or something was with you, your ears tried to capture any sound coming from that space, but with the device in your ears it was almost impossible. You knew that if you took it off it would be a big risk if your mother ever managed to talk to you again. But it would also be a risk not to hear what was around you.

You debated with what you should do or not do, but it was too late when two large arms grabbed your body from the ground. You let out a startled scream when you realize what is happening. Your reflexes are quick as you forcefully push your elbow into the stomach of the stranger behind you. He staggers back, making you fall to the ground, but before you can do anything, a kick lands in your belly. You hit your head on the ground, making your vision even blurrier. Your gun was still stuck in your hands, so the first thing you do is aim forward and shoot, when you hear a male scream of pain you know you hit him somewhere. "You bitch!"

You don't realize what's happening when he takes a gun out of his pants and also shoots. You scream in pain when the bullet pierces your arm that was holding the gun, it wasn't very deep, but the pain was too horrible. And even if you tried, you couldn't raise your arm to shoot the guy again. You start to crawl backwards trying to get away from the figure that you still couldn't see in the dark and prayed that he couldn't see you too.

But when you started to hear his heavy footsteps towards you, you knew there was nothing left to do.

[...]

Wanda felt her heart stop when she heard the doctors moving around in the Compound. Someone had been hurt on some mission a few hours after you and Natasha left. Maximoff was shaking as she waited for the injured person's Quinjet to pull up, and even though she asked any of the doctors who the unlucky one was, it seemed like she was invisible to them. It seemed like they didn't want to respond to watch her heart break into a million pieces.

Wanda felt so nervous that she thought maybe she was going to faint. Thinking that the extremely injured person, since the doctors were going almost crazy to get everything they needed, could be you or Natasha, made her want to throw up her entire lunch right there. And when the car appeared in their vision, Wanda moved even closer, continuing to give the doctors space to do their work.

When the big door opened, the first thing your mother saw was Natasha with some bruises on her face along with tears that still fell on her pale face. Romanoff held you in her arms. One of them put pressure on your arm to stop the bleeding, but even so, you seemed to be bleeding from other places as a pool of blood was being spilled by Natasha's suit. Your body was unconscious and heavy in your mother's hands, your face completely scarred with cuts and bruises all over it. And even if your mother tried to look at your fragile and small body, she couldn't.

Maximoff lets out a grunt when she sees that you were the current patient. Seeing how Natasha staggered with you in her arms was one of the worst sights she could have had. You being placed on the stretcher while the doctors took you to surgery as quickly as possible was in her nightmares, and now, she could feel firsthand how horrible that was. Natasha follows the crowd of people, finally coming across her wife there. Romanoff didn't wait a second to throw herself into Wanda's arms as the two allowed the tears to fall. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

"Shh- it's not your fault, Natasha." Wanda tried to calm her down, even though it was almost impossible since she also needed comfort. "Y/n is going to be fine, it's okay."

"I- I couldn't get there in time. She was in- in a huge pool of blood and this guy was-" Natasha couldn't finish speaking before her eyes started bursting with tears again as she recalled the scene of you barely conscious on the ground while the Hydra agent kicked you mercilessly. Blood smeared everywhere and your face full of tears was what she saw every time she closed her eyes, it was horrible.

It took Wanda a few minutes to get Natasha to calm down. Despite many other occasions being the opposite, Romanoff has always shown how concerned she is about you. But seeing you and having to carry you almost dead in her arms was another thing entirely, and one that will probably haunt her forever. Natasha had the beginning of a panic attack there, with her blood on her suit and on her hands, but Wanda, knowing her wife, managed to make her feel like she was on the floor again.

A few hours had passed since you entered that operating room, and knowing that it would take a long time for the doctors to stabilize you, Wanda took care of Natasha, cleaning her body and putting her in more comfortable clothes to wait for you sitting in the waiting room. Your mother was able to breathe normally now, even though the tears hadn't stopped falling from both of their faces. Natasha felt her body want to sleep, but her mind wouldn't let her, not when you were fighting for your life in the next room.

Wanda runs her hand affectionately through Natasha's red hair that reminded her of your own. Her head on her shoulder as she felt her wife's body relax but then become rigid again, but even if Maximoff tried, she wouldn't be able to make Natasha relax. "Remember that time Y/n fell down the slide and broke her arm? She didn't even cry." Wanda spoke so softly that any outsider who saw it would think she wasn't as nervous as her wife.

"Yeah... she even asked you to break her arm with your magic so she could put a cast on it again so she could draw on it." Natasha laughs remembering when you were seven years old, you were probably the happiest child in the world.

"She's so strong," Wanda murmurs as she presses a kiss to Natasha's red hair and she closes her eyes taking a deep breath. "I know she'll make it out of this."

And when Maximoff stopped talking, one of the doctors who was participating in your surgery enters the room. Natasha was now more than awake, her body jumping up towards the man in the white coat. Wanda doesn't take long to join her either, rambling questions to the doctor over and over again. "Everything went well in the surgery to remove the bullet from Y/n's body, despite the heavy blood loss." Romanoff holds her wife's hand while listening to him talk about your conditions, squeezing it every time she feels like her heart is going to come out of her mouth. "Unfortunately, due to the severe injuries to her head, she was caused a brain injury called a concussion."

"Oh, God. She's going to be okay, isn't she?"

"Don't worry, Mrs. Maximoff. Concussion is a very common thing for people to experience and usually with a few weeks of medical treatment and rest she will feel well again." The two women were finally able to take a deep breath without feeling that nervousness in their chests. "You just need to pay attention to some symptoms she may have, such as headache, mental confusion, sometimes memory loss, nausea, vomiting, excessive fatigue and some other things that you will probably notice. With the treatment I am sure that Y/n will recover much better.”

Despite all these things you might feel, they were relieved that you were okay. And they knew you would recover quickly, your genes coming from Natasha and Wanda weren't just anyone, you were strong and everyone knew it. And even if they thought that way, nothing would prepare them for seeing you lying on the stretcher. Your body was so fragile and small there, your eyes looked so tired despite being closed and the cuts on your face didn't help. The tubes coming out of your body weren't the prettiest, but it was what was helping you survive at that moment.

"My baby girl..." Wanda stroked your hair as she looked at you now slightly pale face. Her comforting touch would make you lean against her even more if you were awake, but that wouldn't be possible at the moment.

Natasha remained a little distant compared to Maximoff. She was scared, scared that if she made any move you would get hurt again, because in the redhead's mind everything that had happened was her fault. If she had checked to see if the area really was clean, if she had warned you as quickly as possible so you could get out of there, if she had arrived on time. "Nat?" Wanda knew what she was thinking, what she felt was written on the ex-assassin's face, and her wife had been with her for enough years to know what that mind was thinking.

In a few moments, Romanoff's body was enveloped in Wanda's affectionate and comforting embrace, who gently moved from side to side, holding her head against her shoulder while leaving a chaste kiss on her hair. Natasha knew that hug from anywhere, the hug that said everything was okay, that everything would fall into place again. Sometimes it took more than a hug for her to feel that, but sometimes she knew Wanda was right. "I w-want a hug too." Your hoarse voice was present at the scene, making your mothers quickly separate from each other.

"Y/n, my god! You scared me so much, don't ever do that again-"

"Wands, calm down, don't give her any more headaches." You chuckle along with your mother Natasha who was now holding your wife's hand. They walk towards your stretcher seeing that you still seemed to be a little disoriented with everything that happened, but even so you still had a smile on your face for them.

"How are you feeling, my love?" Wanda again made the same affectionate gestures to you as she sat next to you, feeling your body relax at her touch, but this time, you are awake enough to feel it.

"Headache and feeling like I might throw up at any moment."

"Ew." Natasha complains in a funny tone making you want to laugh at that moment, but having a headache would make things even worse. Romanoff still had an apprehensive tone on her face, maybe it was the guilt she felt she had or maybe it was seeing you in that place, with bruises everywhere.

"You aren't hurt, are you, Mom?" Even though you almost died with a gunshot wound to your body and a brain injury, it was obvious that you would care about others, especially if it was one of your mothers.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me, sweetheart." Natasha moved a little closer to you, leaving a kiss on your forehead that was welcomed with a smile on your face. "I was so worried about you." She murmurs as Wanda places one of her hands on her wife's thigh, making small circles on it.

"I'm fine now, Mom. Thanks for going to save me." You put a small smile on your face in a funny way, trying to ease the tension of the hospital room.

"You know I'll always be here for whatever you need." Natasha wasn't just referring to helping you save yourself from physical violence, but she was also referring to helping you when you have any problems. Do you need a shoulder to cry on? She will be there. Do you need help completing a task? Don't worry, you know she won't take a minute to come to you. Problems with girls or guys? She will love telling you how she really knew the love of her life.

In those times when something difficult happened, your mothers knew how to comfort and help you. You had an unbreakable bond and that always warmed your heart. Realizing that you had people who more than cared about you by your side was incredible. Maybe for some other people it was strange to have two mothers, but you didn't care, because for you, it was an indescribable magic.

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iknowyuu · 1 year

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Hiii!!! I hope you’re having a good day<3 I saw that ur requests were open and i was wondering if you could write like an Angsty/ soft comfort for sieun x reader (preferably he/they pronouns) where you show up at his house out of nowhere with bruises and everything after being kicked down by a gang (prob the bullies💔) and he just lets u in and patches you up gently 🫶🏼🫶🏼

not your fault

kdrama! sieun x reader

// read req!

tags: ANGST OMG. ANGST ANGST ANGST. lots of crying, mentions of fights, mentions of blood and open wounds (brief and not graphic)

note: anon you are brilliant !! ive been getting a lot of reqs like this lately i hope theyre not too similar 😭 HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY <3

♡

sieun was fuming.

it was not because of his grades, not because of one of the jerks who tried to beat up him and his friends, not even because of his parents. it was because of you.

well, more specifically what he saw on you.

when he saw you through the peephole of his apartment, showing up unannounced, he hadn't thought much of it, especially because it was a very frequent occurrence for him. but as he opened the door and noticed your injury decorated skin, his mood quickly dropped.

his first words to you were "who did this to you?" in the most serious, shiver-inducing tone- out of all the years you've known his gentle but stern timbre, you'd never heard this from him.

you just shook your head, not wanting to talk about it at the moment. he accepted- only for now. you stepped inside and slipped off your shoes, stepping into the designated slippers he had for you.

you followed him into the parlor, "sit here," he pointed to the couch, and you obliged. he walked into his room, coming out shortly after, this time with a first aid kit.

there have been many times where you've had to clean him up after a fight, most notably the one he had before he switched schools. you were horrified with all the wounds he had, and his tears not only stung his open lacerations, but your heart as well. no amount of hugging or attempts to kiss his tears away could help with the grief he felt over his friend in the hospital.

even though the two of you no longer go to the same school, not much changed. you still visited him almost daily (now opting to arrive and leave later since it took him a while to get home from school), still engaging in the usual schedule of study, relax, rant about your day and how much you missed having him as your seatmate, and occasionally exchange butterfly-inciting language, kisses following not long after.

but obviously, this time was different.

sieun stood close to you, gently patting the bloody wound at the top of your eyebrow with the disinfectant-soaked cotton ball. he turned around to grab a bandage and placed it there. he continued to work on you, and you zoned out under the touch of his soft fingers.

minutes passed and you suddenly felt something wet fall onto your forehead- you assumed it was rubbing alcohol. "sorry," he mumbled. you glanced up at him, ready to tell him it was okay, but when you noticed what he was doing, you did a double take, your heart dropping to your stomach. his hands were shaking violently, face scrunched up in gut-wrenching despair as tears streamed freely down his face.

"sieun!" you spoke, barely above a whisper. it was the only thing you could say, being so shocked. "i'm sorry. i wasn't there to protect you." he spoke quietly, covering his face with his elbow sleeve, shoulders shaking with anguish. you gently tugged his shirt down to sit next to you, "no, no, sieun," you pulled his elbow from his eyes watching as he avoided eye contact by looking down towards his lap. "sieun.. please don't blame yourself." you cupped his cheek and turned his head upwards, watching as he finally looked into your eyes, "it's not your fault, okay? it's not your fault. none of this was ever your fault. stop blaming yourself for everything. it's not your fault." you pulled him into a hug and felt him immediately reciprocate, still shaking.

you sat there with him for minutes before he finally calmed down. his breathing still hitched every once in a while, and before you pulled away, you wiped the tears from your own face. cupping his cheeks, you smiled for the first time in hours in response to the way he subtly leaned into your touch. "i love you, okay?" he nodded and you pulled him in for a sweet kiss.

you didn't go home that night. instead, you slept with him in your arms, gently combing his hair with your fingers. his soft snores were like a lullaby to you, bringing you joy and relaxation.

♡

taglist (send an ask to be added!): @brxght-world @karyuliee @kkaesslovr @qtaisuu

#kdrama x reader #sieun yeon x reader #sieun x reader #sieun yeon imagines #weak hero class one #weak hero class 1 fic #weak hero class 1 x reader #weak hero class one x reader #kikisficz

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avatar-anna · 2 years

Text

The Professor

summary: you and harry are perfect strangers

words: 3.5k

tw: none

PART III, PART V, PART IV, PART II, PART I Series Masterlist

June 2021

This summer, were trying something new.

Since school was out, you decided you needed to get out more. You’d seen less of Edward because he was getting busier and busier with his super secret project. He still texted and called, and since you were busy with school, helping the police department from time to time, filming your educational videos, and writing papers along with grading them, you didn’t mind not seeing him as much. You liked that you could go a few weeks without seeing each other and still remain close friends…or whatever you were. That was something both of you were okay with not discussing for the time being.

In the past, you spent a lot of your summers indoors or around Cambridge, but this summer, you decided to branch out and explore. You read books and case files in cafes, you biked around town more, you even wanted to plan a road trip with Edward. Before, your summers, while enjoyable, were pretty monotonous. Maybe it was because the world was finally opening back up again, but you just had this itch to get out of your townhouse more. And take the Emperor with you, of course.

It was a sunny afternoon in Cambridge, and you were sitting on a patio table of a cafe you started frequenting. They had all sorts of tea flavors and fun summery drinks you wanted to try. Something in you was pushing you to try new things, and instead of shying away from it, you embraced it. The sun was shining brightly, your paper was coming along splendidly, and the Emperor was basking in the sunlight inside the pram you bought for him. This summer was off to a beautiful start.

“Do my eyes deceive me, or is Dr. Y/l/n outside and actually enjoying the sun?”

You immediately perked up at the sound of Edward’s voice, your lips curving up into a smile involuntarily. “What are you doing here?”

“To see you, of course,” he said from behind his mask.

Edward was still standing, so you could see all of him. He, like you, was dressed for summer in corduroy shorts and an opened, button-down shirt made of a colorful patchwork of different fabrics.

“Sit down!” you said, gesturing for the open seat across from you beside the Emperor.

He did, petting your cat as he did so, who leaned into Edward’s touch. Seems you weren’t the only one who missed your friend.

“You’re in a particularly sunny mood today,” he said.

“I’m embracing life, Edward,” you said, slipping your straw beneath your face mask to take a sip of your coffee—some kind of rose latte that you didn’t love but felt like you needed to finish to be polite. “And I consulted on a case in New York, which was very fun. Well, not fun. Satisfying. You know, because I got to be a part of saving a life and stop someone from doing horrible things.”

Smiling, he said, “That’s great, Y/n. I’m really happy for you.”

He said it, but he didn’t sound happy. Admittedly, it was somber stuff, but you hadn’t gone into the explicit details, ones that you would never forget, you literally weren’t able to.

“Are you okay? You seem a little off.”

“Me? Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, but again, he wasn’t very convincing. “Listen, there’s something I wanted to—”

“So, I had this idea, but I wanted to run it by—Oh, sorry. Go ahead.”

“No, no. You first.”

Now that his eyes were on you, even if they were covered by dark sunglasses, you flushed with nerves. You’d never done something like this, and you thought you had more time to prepare and find the right words, but this summer was all about taking chances for you, so you swallowed your fear and just blurted it out.

“I think we should go on a date.”

Edward’s eyebrows rose, but you couldn’t tell what it meant. “A date?”

“Yeah, you know, since things have been opening up more, and we’ve never actually seen the bottom of each other’s faces, I just thought now would be as good a time as any, right?”

When he didn’t answer right away, you started to panic. Did you read the last three months wrong? Edward told you he liked you, you held hands when you sat and talked in your townhouse, he was showing interest, right? You couldn’t be that oblivious, and you didn’t think you read the signs wrong. You checked. Your evidence backed up your inferences. This should’ve been seamless.

You were almost never wrong, but now you were worried you got everything completely wrong. “Unless…you don’t want to?”

Edward was quick to reassure you. “I do, you have no idea how much I do. I’m just…shocked by how forward you’re being.”

Leaning forward, you stage whispered, “It’s not too much, is it?”

Edward leaned forward too, and this time you could tell he was grinning. “No, not at all. I think it suits you.”

He couldn’t see it, but you were smiling beneath your mask. “Great. So? What do you say?”

You’d never been this forward before, but Edward made you feel confident. In your mind, you had nothing to lose.

“I’d love to,” he said, holding your hand across the table. “Now, what do you say to heading back to your place? I missed looking at constellations with you.”

Butterflies Edward had called them. They were going crazy in your stomach, but they didn’t freak you out. They just made you excited. You thought this new you suited you too.

----------------------------------------------------------

It was late, way past midnight, and he was still in your house. You weren’t quite sure where the time went, or how you managed to talk for that long, but there both of you were, sitting on your couch, neither of you making any kinds of moves to leave.

“If you weren’t a professor, what would you be doing?”

It took you a moment to think about that, to give him an answer that wouldn’t end in Edward lecturing you about taking care of yourself and putting yourself first.

“I don’t know, I think I was made for teaching and helping people. It’s what I’m good at.”

“But do you teach because you love it or because you’re good at it. The two aren’t mutually exclusive, Y/n.”

Edward worried about you a lot. Something you thought you would find irritating, but actually found endearing.

“I know, but for me it is,” you said, squeezing the hand that was holding yours. You realized he liked that. Small affectionate touches. You weren’t the affectionate type but you liked being that way for him. “I love helping people. For the first half of my life, I was stuck doing things for other people, and I hated it. I was good at math, I am good at math, but being forced to do it all day made me never want to look at or solve complicated theories ever again.

“This is the life I chose for myself. Sometimes I think that with this…gift, asset, whatever you want to call it, that I should be doing more, so I help the police department and I share my knowledge with others and hope that’s enough.”

You let out a breath, surprised you said so much. You knew it wasn’t physically possible, but you felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, like in that moment, you weren’t just talking to Edward, but to everyone who ever criticized your decision to leave solving unsolvable math and science problems behind to take up teaching.

“That felt good, didn’t it?” Edward said, like your answer was exactly what he wanted you to say.

You narrowed your eyes at him. “You’re very smart, Edward. Not as smart as me of course, but—”

“But who is?” he finished for you.

You sat with him in comfortable silence, neither of you knowing what to say next, but not ready to say goodbye, either. This was the latest Edward had ever stayed over, and that fluttering was stirring in you. You’d never had anyone spend the night before, but you thought he would make a good first.

“I should probably go,” he said suddenly, as if he just realized it was nearing three in the morning.

Reminding yourself that this was the summer of embracing change and trying new things, you took a deep breath and said, “You don’t have to.”

“No?”

“It’s late, and you must be tired. You can stay. If—If you want to, that is.”

You wondered if his heart was beating as fast as yours, or if his palms were starting to sweat. Maybe you’d read these last three months entirely wrong, maybe asking him to stay was a terrible idea, one you clearly didn’t think through. Your invitation for him to stay the night was exactly that: a place for him to sleep. But did Edward know that? What if he took your invitation as more? And neither of you obviously slept with a face covering, there was a chance you would see his face tonight.

You’d insisted on the face masks because you didn’t want to get yourself or Edward sick, but part of you also liked that you had to wear them. It was social distance as well as emotional distance, like keeping what you completely looked like a secret was the one thing that prevented you from fully opening up to him. Were you really ready for that?

“Y/n?”

So in your thoughts about Edward possibly staying the night, you forgot he hadn’t said yes or no yet. Blushing, you looked back over to him. “Yes?”

“I can see the gears turning in that beautiful brain of yours. You don’t have to be so stressed. If you don’t want me to stay, I won’t. It’s not a big deal.”

“I do!” you blurted, your face turning red at how quickly you corrected him. “I, um, I think it will be fun. But…I just don’t want you to think that it means that we’re having sex.”

The blunt delivery of your statement had him laughing, so much so that it calmed your nerves a bit. “I didn’t think that at all,” he said. Inching closer to you, he reached for your hand again, rubbing his thumb across the back. “So, got an extra toothbrush?”

----------------------------------------------------------

You were at home, laying on your floor and watching constellations, only it wasn’t with Edward. Your phone was clutched in your hands, your leg crossed over the other revealing colorful patterned socks peeking out beneath your ankle-length jeans. You needed to make a phone call, but you didn’t know what you were going to say.

How were you going to tell him?

Thankfully, you got a phone call before you had to make that decision. It was the former student you employed to help edit your videos. “Hello?”

“When were you going to tell me you knew Harry Styles?”

The name sounded familiar, and you recalled one of your students mentioning it in one of their questions at the end of class once, but you didn’t know him. “I…I don’t?”

“Y/n, are you pulling my leg right now? It’s all over the Internet,” they said.

“What is?” you asked, more confused than ever.

“The pictures! You’re at a cafe and casually sitting with one of the most popular men in music. How the hell did you not know?”

Your mind was going into overdrive with all the new information you’d just received. “I—I need to—to go,” you said, hanging up without another word.

The only time you really used the Internet was to look up scholarly journals or to search for a new recipe, but now you typed in the words, “Harry Styles,” when the search finished loading, your eyes widened. “Holy shit.”

You rarely cursed, but this instance was worthy of using expletives. Edward…Harry…whoever he said he was…was not who he claimed to be. He was famous, like really, really famous. He’d just won a Grammy, he had two albums, he was on the cover of Vogue, and he had a larger than life following. The man online was not the man you knew in person. He was charismatic and outgoing, he sang songs about sex, he was a more vibrant version of the person you’d come to know. Edward was soft spoken, but Harry was…some kind of rockstar.

You consumed everything you possibly could, your eyes scanning his Wikipedia page—he had a Wikipedia page!—in a minute. Singing contest shows, albums, awards, band breakups, world tours, you read everything. You knew more about him than you wanted to know.

And you were there too. In a recent article by some tacky looking publication with obnoxious colors and loud titles that made your head hurt, there was a picture of you and Edward—Harry—sitting at the cafe last week. The pictures looked innocent enough, but the headlines claimed you were a secret lover, a possible affair.

An affair? You clicked on one of the linked articles on the website, hating yourself for reading something like this. Another picture popped up. He looked like he was at some wedding, holding hands with another woman.

You turned your phone off after that, not wanting anymore pictures or words forever ingrained in your mind. He was seeing someone. He had a…a person. Someone that meant something to him. Someone that wasn’t you.

It hurt, especially because you really thought he’d shown interest the last few months, but that was probably a lie too. He spent the night just last week! Sure, you didn’t do anything but sleep, but that was a big step. Apparently not. Just before you clicked out of the website, you saw that she was a director. Maybe he was only interested in people who led similar lives, and you certainly did not.

You felt silly all of a sudden. You tricked yourself into believing that someone actually cared for you. No one had ever shown interest in you outside of the knowledge you held, all the remarkable things you could remember. When you visited her for Spring Break, your mom went around telling people you were a human computer, getting people to ask you questions and see how quick you could respond. Like your students in class but not at all the same. You weren’t a person to be valued or cherished, you were an object of fascination. A circus freak that could do tricks on command.

You laid on the floor with your head pressed against the wood panels, heart pounding and mind spinning. Words flew around so fast they were unintelligible. Nothing made sense, and as someone who could make sense of everything, it was frustrating you. A headache quickly developed into a migraine, and you didn’t know what to do. Shutting your eyes wouldn’t change anything, would probably only make things worse. You read too much too fast, and now it was overwhelming you.

A knock on your front door temporarily distracted you. You stood up from your position on the ground, but every step towards your door was a painful one. Peeking through your peephole, your heart clenched, your stomach filled with dread. It was him.

You were in no way ready to face him, so you didn’t. “I—I’m not feeling well.”

“Aw, really?” he asked, sounding disappointed. “Well, let me in and I’ll take care of you.”

He sounded so sweet and so sincere that you almost let him in, but you stopped yourself. “I haven’t gotten tested yet. I’ll—I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Are you sure you’re okay? Let me in, Y/n. If you’re not feeling well, I want to help.”

His kindness made you angry all of a sudden. With everything swirling around and your migraine, you blurted, “I don’t want to see you right now, Harry.”

It was his name, but it didn’t sound right on your tongue. He seemed to recognize it, though. With both of you so close to the door, you heard the soft thud of his forehead leaning against it as he quietly muttered, “Fuck.”

“You lied to me,” you said, trying to hide the quiver in your voice. “Why would you lie to me?”

“I—I didn’t lie, I—”

“Don’t give me that omission bullshit! You didn’t even tell me your real name!”

You remembered the first time he’d come over to your house. The two of you were so engrossed in your conversation that you didn’t even realize you hadn’t shared each other’s names until he was about to leave. He told you his name was Edward, and you didn’t question it. Why would you?

“I can’t believe this,” you said. “I—We talked about you being a murderer, and I laughed it off when you could’ve actually been one. I’m such an idiot! I actually—I actually trusted you!”

“You can trust me. Please just—Please let me in, and I can explain everything. Just please let me in.”

He sounded desperate, but he wasn’t getting it. You did let him in. He knew you more than any other person you knew, but you clearly didn’t know him. You had a hard time trusting people, it was why you didn’t have many friends or colleagues or a long romantic history. Trust was something you had a hard time handing to people, but somehow he managed it, and he took it and stomped on it, crushed it in his hands like a piece of paper. You couldn’t trust him. He lied to you about who he was for months and didn’t try to tell you the truth. Not once.

“I know about the woman you’re seeing. The director,” you said suddenly You had never spoken so venomously before, and you hated it. You hated how all of this was making you feel. “I asked you out because I liked you and you managed to convince me that you liked me too, but—but you ruined it. I learned so much about you in minutes, and I can’t forget it. I wish I could forget meeting you, but I will never be able to.

“I can win a chess game in two moves, I could solve some of the most complex physics equations before you probably even knew what algebra was, I know four current languages and two dead languages, I’ve read the Bible cover to cover multiple times, I came close to solving the three body problem. I bet you don’t even know what that is!

“I’m an expert in multiple fields of psychology, so imagine my surprise when I found out you weren’t who you said you were. Not once did I suspect anything,” you said, surprised that all of that came bursting out of you.

“I am. Y/n, please open the door,” he pleaded. He sounded like he was crying, which made a couple tears slip down your cheeks.

You steeled your nerves, feeling like each one of those butterflies he made you feel died and floated to the bottom of your stomach. “I’m glad I found out now and not while I was still teaching, I can’t imagine how badly my students would make fun of me for being so clueless.”

Hearing the calmness in your voice, you heard him grow frantic on the other side of the door. “It’s not your fault, Y/n, I was just trying to—”

“You’re right. It’s not my fault,” you said. “I don’t like to believe in coincidences or chance, but maybe there’s a hint of it here.” You paused, finding the strength to get the words out. You hadn’t thought it through, and perhaps you were being too rash or emotional, but you said it anyway. “I was offered a job today. In New York. I was going to call you and tell you about it, maybe celebrate even if I was planning on turning it down, but then I got a different phone call first, and I found out about you, and…

“I’m going to take the job, and I—I don’t want to see you before I leave.”

“Okay, I know you’re mad, and you have every right to be, but I am begging you not to go anywhere before I can explain. There’s so much that I want—that I need to say. Y/n please.”

You were done fighting. Mostly because your migraine was becoming too much and you were still processing the overload of information, but also because you couldn’t handle talking to the person on the other side of your door anymore.

“Just go,” you said, more tired than you’d ever felt before. “I can’t—I can’t let you do this to me.”

Your mind, which was normally sharp and organized, was currently in shambles. You'd never felt this lost before. You could always rely on your instinct and your knowledge, but it was failing you, and that was something you couldn't handle.

“Please. Please. Open the door, Y/n. Please let me in. Please, I’ll explain everything. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry—”

Taking your cat, you left him at the front door, still knocking and begging you to let him explain, but you didn’t want an explanation. None of it would change the fact that he lied for months, with no plans to stop.

You don’t know when he left, or how long he knocked on the door. If he left of his own volition or if your neighbors grew tired of the noise. You just didn’t care to know. As you rested on your bed and hid from everything you learned the best you could, you just…didn’t care anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tags: @remuslupinwifee @majasophieanna @michellekstyles @wolwolsighs @harrystylesrecs @cwiphswmwasohmm @his-only-angel-1989

#harry styles #harry styles x professor yn #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles oneshot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles blurb #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles x you #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot

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jinchuls-moved · 5 months

Text

hi, important lil note

pseud change, jinx -> echo

you don’t have to read but there’s a not so thought out ramble of all the thoughts in my head rn under the cut. i feel like ive been tricking people and i want to explain myself

okay so, i moved blogs when i was in a very negative space. i only stayed away for about a month, i missed tumblr and i missed writing even if it took me a hot minute to feel good enough to even be semi active on here.

tumblr can fucking suck. i left because there was drama with a few people that left me a mess honestly, those people have since been blocked and i started to feel a little bit better. i also noticed a number of people breaking mutual with me, which i completely understand curate your space as you need i’ve done it a few times myself, but the amount of people that did in a short time (as far as i noticed) gave me a terrible feeling and i needed to leave. i felt unwelcome and like i had done something wrong to people i had only interacted with a few times. this was on top of a lot of stuff i had going on irl, i felt so fucking alone in every aspect on my life regardless of my friends that made it so obvious they were there for me. i hated how i was at the time, and i appreciate every single person that stuck by me.

so i made this blog for a fresh start. i thought a new pseud and a new blog would make me feel better. and it did, for a while. my friends knew and they listened to my request to change tags, not refer to me as any previous nicknames and essentially not make it too obvious it was me. although i don’t think it was entirely impossible to tell. but now i miss all those things, i miss being stupid with my friends, i miss getting to call my best friend my wife on dash, i miss getting to miss astrology aims and mother nesi nesi, i miss the mutuals i used to have that i didn’t tell about the move because i was scared they were going to think i was stupid. i miss the url i kept going back to bc i loved it (possibly the most silly reason but still ukaishin holds a special place in my heart)

and it just doesn’t feel right. everyone has been so nice to me so far and it feels wrong knowing that wasn’t how echo ended, it makes me wonder what was wrong with me then that wasn’t now? but reality is, it’s nothing. shit happens, i needed time to get over a lot of things and it took time. even quite recently i had a terrible evening because of an old mutual. as in i had a mental breakdown because they added one stupid word to an ask that made me feel pathetic for sitting there the night before crying about how much i was missing them to aims.

getting called jinx in dms throws me off, i appreciate those that knew me first as echo using the new pseud, but it never took. it was never a name i was happy with (except for the first couple weeks on this blog) and im sorry for any confusion and having to switch pseuds again. i just don’t want to move blogs, i don’t want to have a whole thing i just want tumblr to be the happy place it was for me for almost 2 years. it got me through uni, being on here with the friends i’d made, i spend my final year of school in a constant mental breakdown, crying on the phone to my mum almost everyday and it was kaze that kept me going, motivating me to get my degree. it was kaze that flew to england to meet me and attend my graduation. it was aims that was the first person to reach out to me and give me the type of friendship i needed. it was everyone in our silly delululand server that made me laugh and reminded me that no matter how shit people were there were good ones. and it’s the good that’s made me feel better. and the good that makes me want to try one more time to maintain that happy place i had 2 years ago

that got too sappy but i refuse to edit <3

#you don’t have to reblog or anything #this is more for me n my mutuals #sorry #can retire the definitelynotecho blog i made entirely to piss off kaze on her bday

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kylejsugarman · 1 month

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how does baby do during her first semester of college, when she’s just 17? how do jesse and demi adjust to having no kid at home?

oughhh ive always hesitated to talk about this specific transition because its so tough for all parties involved......like yay super close family unit formed :) oh god the linear nature of growth and change :( they try to plan it all out and prepare Really well for the moment where jesse and demi leave campus after moving her in and baby stays behind to start school so that it's a "clean break", but it lasts like. the road trip back home. before baby calls like (1 million bad feelings too big to express) "I Want To Come Home" and it's nearly impossible for both of them to not be like "yes ma'am right away" (gets right back into the car for the 12 hour drive) because they also want her to come home. its been just the three of them for so long that its so hard to suddenly split up and deal with that sudden change when part of the comfort of their family was that like. there didnt Have to be dramatic life changes anymore

demi has more experience with the transition to college life, so she's the one who helps baby deal with not having as Consistent of a routine and adjusting to living with a roommate when theyre both people who value having their own private space. baby misses structure and familiarity and doesnt leave her dorm room for anything other than class for almost the entire first semester because the newness of campus is too overwhelming and she doesnt have any solid points of contact. demi completely sympathizes and tries her best to consistently coax baby out of her dorm over the phone and advises her to consider joining a study group for her favorite class, which ends up being the jumping off point for baby actually meeting some people and leaving her room. jesse feels bad that he cant offer more concrete support and advice like demi, but his emotional support is crucial to her even surviving that scary first semester. he'll drop everything to talk on the phone with her no matter the time of day, giving her that safe and familiar base to return to, and its not uncommon for her to ask him to stay on the phone with her until she falls asleep, especially during those early weeks. he only ever posts mail under demi's name just out of paranoia, but he sends her lots of letters that are mostly just doodles and brief tangents and physical photos of the dogs, all of which end up hung on her walls to comfort her. she relies A Lot on them that first year and they're happy to help her: baby is a kid who Needs support and they provide it because they love her and want her to feel like she can pursue her dreams with room and cushioning to fail and fall.

as for jesse and demi being empty-nesters, it's just really Weird at first. they're obviously doing a lot of parenting from a distance and they initially talk about baby all the time out of their joint concern for her wellbeing, but it's odd not having her there. they were also kind of relying on a routine that's now gone. demi's depression resurges and she loses interest in all of her hobbies, letting her garden grow over. she just feels really lost and directionless: taking care of baby and being her guardian was demi's New purpose after losing the rest of her family. jesse backslides some, smoking All The Time since they dont have to worry about indoor smoke triggering baby's asthma and getting high with mason pretty frequently rather than just occasionally. he needs a distraction from the hole in his life, the huge amount of loss he'd incurred that had later been filled by demi and of course baby. that was his buddy :( his best friend. it's tough for both of them to confront and express these feelings, but they've gotten a little better at being Open over the years. sheila drags them out of the house as often as possible to hang out with her and her wife so theyre not just sitting around feeling sad. she basically instructs them to make more friends and strengthen their preexisting friendships (sheila knows best, after all) and just keep enjoying life. they're still young!! they're not even 40 yet!!!!! hanging out with other people definitely helps, but just having each other during that time is the most potent method of coping. not having baby there for the first time Ever in their relationship makes both jesse and demi realize how much they love one another and how closely their lives and hearts are now intertwined. its a really hard time for everyone involved, but by the time winter break rolls around, all three of them are definitely in a better place than where they started :)

#syd squeaks #anon do u have any idea how much this warmed my heart. answering this was the most fun ive had all week :')#it poured out of me i had so much fun writing this #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk #baby ayuluk #mason ayuluk #sheila burton

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thaliaisalesbian · 10 months

Text

i get myself twisted in threads

Chapter 8: who used to be me

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

Steve knows he went to bed with someone on either side of him, so waking up with no one there is a little concerning.

There’s a spike of panic before he recognizes Jonathan’s bedroom, with one of Nancy’s skirts hanging over a chair.

The kids—the kids are out.

They’re not in the Upside Down anymore.

He’s not in the Upside Down anymore.

“You awake, Steve?” Mrs. Byers sits next to him on the bed, feeling his forehead. “Oh, good, your fever’s much lower.”

“Good morning.” He tries to sit up, but it pulls something in his side and then he remembers the stitches.

“It’s almost two, sweetie. It’s not surprising, you were overwhelmed yesterday. You missed Irene’s visit, but she fixed up your stitches and changed your bandages. You won’t be off the IV for a few more days, though. And you'll have the catheter in until you can reliably stand on your own.” He winces despite himself when she mentions that. Steve really just wants to forget it's there.

He hardly remembers waking up yesterday. Hopper was there for a lot of it. El, too. She’d read to him, one of those kids’ chapter books. He thinks if he remembered more of it, he’d know what book it was.

And then the kids. He’d seen them all, they’d had a fort? And then Nancy and Jonathan had made him come back to bed.

“I just need to check those again, and when Jonathan gets home from school, he can help you take a shower. I could help you now, if you’d prefer, or you could wait for Hopper. Whatever you want to do.” A shower sounds fantastic, but he’d rather take one alone.

The main problem is that he won’t be able to stand for that long. Not on his own. It’ll hurt, and if they asked his nurse or whoever, they’d probably say no.

“I think I’ll wait for Jonathan.”

“That’s not a problem.” She props him up on different pillows—one smells a little like the shampoo Nancy uses, so he knows her lying down next to him wasn’t part of a dream or something—and hands him a glass of water.

“So, I’m thinking soup for lunch.” Mrs. Byers doesn’t need him to help keep up the conversation, which is good, because he doesn’t have much of anything to say right now. She talks about the kids’ fort and how they’d gotten to have a sleepover last night, how Hopper’s been talking to that Owens guy and he might have to go to the lab and have some tests run to make sure he’s okay.

She keeps talking the whole time it takes for him to drink the whole glass of water.

It’s half an hour, at least. It settles weirdly in his stomach, and he’s not sure if it’s from the remnants of the fever or if it’s everything else going in his head right now.

“Do you think you can move out to the living room? I can’t carry you, but you can lean on me.”

“Yeah, that’ll work.” It’s awkward, because he’s so much taller than she is, but it hurts less than walking alone does, and once he’s in the living room with evidence that the kids were there last night, safe and not dead, he’s able to relax a little more.

The fort is still set up, Will’s art supplies are out, and when he sits on the couch he can see El sleeping on a mattress on the floor.

“Is she…?”

“She’s just fine. You might not remember, but she tried drawing you out of your head yesterday. It tired her out a little, is all. She fell asleep not long before you woke up.”

“Okay.” Still, once Mrs. Byers has come back with the soup, El doesn’t sleep for long.

“You lied.” She looks at him.

“I didn’t lie, El.” On a technicality. “I never promised I would get out first, because I didn’t know what would happen.”

“You are not allowed to be alone now.”

“What?”

“Joyce and Hop said so.”

“El, we were talking about the next few weeks, until he heals up a little more.” Mrs. Byers interjects kindly. “Not ever again. I’m sure even Steve likes time to himself.”

Weeks? He’s not that bad off, he can even walk with help.

“I do, Mrs. Byers. It’d be kind of impossible for someone to be with me all the time anyway, kiddo. We all have school or work.” From the look on Mrs. Byers’ face, he’s going to be getting shit later for calling her ‘Mrs. Byers’, but she won’t say anything in front of El.

Hopefully.

El finally sits down, squishing against his non-bitten side. “You are not allowed to be alone. My rule.”

“El, you can’t go everywhere with me.”

“I will watch instead.”

“No. I love you, kid, but there are things I do that you don’t need to see and I know you can’t watch people for long.”

“It will be… practice.”

“Spying on me doesn’t count as practice.”

“Once a day?”

“No.”

“Every other day?”

“Still no.”

“Three times a week.”

“Nope.”

“Twice a week?” He shakes his head, tugging on her short hair a little. “Once a week?”

“Once a week will work, I guess. But only when I’m at school, and not after 2:30, okay?”

He usually has practice around then, and she doesn’t need to see the boys’ locker room.

If he’s allowed to practice again, that is. He wasn’t allowed to before all of this. His doctor had been very insistent upon it. And with all the new damage to his body… all the new scars… he’s not sure he’ll be able to handle being in a locker room again.

His mother would throw a fit if she could see him now. He's going to scar, that's for sure. And he's too skinny now for even her to think it looks pretty.

He wonders if she even knows that he was gone. He hasn’t asked Mrs. Byers yet; he’s a little scared of what the answer will be.

“Why?”

“I have practice that I have to change for, and after I have to change again. So nothing after 2:30, agreed?”

“Once a week, before two-three-oh.” She repeats, and he knows she’s just messing with him by the little grin on her face.

“You got it, Ellie.”

“No.” Her nose scrunches up and she shakes her head, like she can rid herself of the nickname that way.

“Mom? Can I see Steve now?” Will’s backpack is half unzipped. and if he couldn’t see Jonathan right behind him he might be more worried about him losing all of his schoolwork. For a kid who typically keeps his things organized (or more organized than Steve had at his age, anyway), it’s a strange sight. “Steve!”

“Hey, buddy.” Will’s the one kid he hasn’t really spoken with much—certainly not as much as El, Dustin, and Max. He has a lot more common ground with Lucas, and even Mike, as annoying as he is. Will, though, is quieter, and while they talk when he’s over, it's not the same. Mike is the only other kid who doesn’t call him on the walkies whenever they need something, even if it’s just to talk after a nightmare.

It's because Mike and Will have Nancy and Jonathan, he knows. But he hopes they know they can call him. If they need to.

“You’re awake!”

“Yep, and almost fever-free.”

“You’re not allowed to do that again.” Will looks almost as serious as El had when she’d told him he wasn’t allowed to be alone. He doesn’t quite manage it; his worried face is almost identical to Jonathan’s.

Steve feels like maybe he shouldn’t know that. Or at least, he shouldn’t admit to knowing it. He can’t really remember the first time he realized he was noticing Jonathan, but the fact that it’s been long enough that he’s got his facial expression memorized?

Steve doesn’t know what to do with that.

Will pokes his shoulder lightly when he doesn’t answer. “I can’t make that promise, Will.”

“So you won’t make it to me, either?” Jonathan asks, and if it weren’t for El, his nearly-empty soup bowl would have spilled all over the carpet. Since when does Jonathan care about him putting himself in danger?

He's probably just saying it for the kids' sake.

Jonathan can’t mean it any other way, right?

(He doesn’t let himself think about the way Nancy and Jonathan had clearly shared a bed with him last night.)

“You know why I can’t.” Steve’s not going to say he’ll stop putting himself in danger when it really means he’s giving the kids time to run, get help, whatever.

“Jonathan,” Mrs. Byers says, maybe sensing that this is probably going to derail into an argument of everyone against him trying to get him to make a promise he knows he won’t be able to keep, “would you mind picking out a new set of clothes for Steve? He’s not quite steady enough on his feet for him to shower alone, so it was best to wait.”

“Of course, Mom.” He stops by the couch to give her a kiss on the cheek and ruffle El’s hair.

Steve tries to ignore the way his stomach sours when Jonathan doesn’t touch him at all. He knows what Jonathan thinks of him, he can’t let himself forget that.

“Will, El, please start taking the fort down.”

El looks like she’s going to remain stubbornly pressed against Steve’s side for a minute, but she does pull away without prompting to help Will.

“And you,” Mrs. Byers turns to him, trying to pull off stern but not quite hitting it with the way her lips turn up at the corners. “Call me Joyce. I don’t know how many times I need to tell you that.”

“Maybe just once more, Mrs. Byers,” He says, just to be cheeky.

“Oh, you!” She laughs. “Jonathan, come get Steve! He thinks he’s funny.”

finish on ao3 or under the cut

Walking with Jonathan is easier than walking with Joyce, at least. They’re closer in height, and he’s not as worried he’s going to crush Jonathan.

Actually, he probably wouldn’t even crush El right now.

“I didn’t know if you’d want a t-shirt or a sweatshirt so I grabbed both.” Jonathan explains once they’re in the bathroom. “Do you just need me to stay in the room?”

He'd love to say no, but he doesn’t think he can.

Once he’s sat on the edge of the tub, Steve can feel his energy flagging. He’d been fine in the living room, and the walk wasn’t even as far as Jonathan’s bedroom, so he doesn’t know why he’s crashing.

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“You can just go back to bed, man, you’ve gone grey.”

“No, we’re already in here.”

“You’re not taking a shower, then. Come on, arms up.” Jonathan somehow manages to strip him down to his boxers.

“Hang on.” Jonathan steps outside the bathroom for a minute, or maybe it’s five. He can’t really tell right now.

“Mom says your stitches can’t get wet, but your ankles will be okay. We’ll just have to rewrap them.” Jonathan covers the bandages on his torso in plastic wrap and takes the ones on his ankles off altogether.

“And Nancy called, she stopped by your house to get you a few things.”

“Okay.” Steve lets Jonathan worry about the water temperature and soap and everything else. Even sitting up without a backrest is taking so much thought, because he has to worry about not popping a stitch.

He hadn’t had time to be this worried about his ankles in the Upside Down, and it’s weird to be thinking about his wounds constantly now.

“Nancy will be here soon, do you just want to sit under the water until she gets here? She mentioned washing your hair for you.” He nods, and Jonathan half-lifts, half-dumps him into the bathtub. He barely fits, but that’s okay, because if he wasn’t forced into sitting up he’s not sure he’d be able to right now.

When Joyce said Steve was awake, Nancy wasn’t expecting to find him nearly passed out in the bathtub. Jonathan’s sitting on the edge, holding a wet washcloth like he’s never seen one before.

“Boys.” She mutters under her breath, not really thinking about it. “You know he wouldn’t have cared, right?” What Steve might care about, though, is the catheter bag on his leg. Joyce and Hopper take care of it, mostly, but Irene had wanted them to learn, too.

“No, he did some of it. I think he just likes sitting under the running water, honestly. It’s probably the first time he’s been clean in weeks.”

She sets down the bag she packed up at Steve’s house; some of his clothes (but not too many, because she thinks she likes seeing him in Jonathan’s and that’s a thought for later), a blanket she knows he finds it hard to sleep without, and his hair products. Not all of them, she doesn’t think he uses them all every day anyway, but enough.

“Nance?” It’s quiet, almost slurred.

“Hey, Steve.” He hardly reacts as she cups water in her hands and carefully pours it over his head.

She should have grabbed a cup from the kitchen. She washes his hair for him carefully.

Nancy’s glad he's not up to conversation, really. She'd probably tell him something she's not ready to… or something he’s not ready to hear.

Tommy had asked about him today. He’d pulled her aside between second and third period, the only ones she doesn’t have time to meet with Jonathan between, and asked her why he’s gone.

She’d had to tell him she didn’t know, and she hadn’t been all that upset about the lie.

He hadn’t pushed.

She’s not sure she wants to tell Steve about that. Tommy might be a safe enough topic, right now.

But she doesn’t want to, not when he’s like this, half-asleep and pliable.

Looking at them like they could leave him to drown in here and that’d be okay.

Instead, she talks about the kids’ latest campaign—he pays more attention to them than he lets on, she knows, because she’s seen him at the school library looking up different terms and rules. He relaxes into her hands when she works the shampoo into his hair.

He’d let her do anything she wanted to, right now.

She wants him to look at her like that in much better situations than this one.

Jonathan must have dug around in the cupboards, because he has a cup ready to rinse the shampoo out, and she could kiss him for it.

“Hi.” Steve looks up at them both, and with his hair wet like this, she can see the little scars from the plate on his head.

To avoid tracing over them with her fingers, she picks up the conditioner and squeezes it maybe a little too hard.

Jonathan doesn’t seem to have the same issue; when she looks at them again, he’s got one hand tilting Steve’s chin up, the fingertips of his other hand delicately finding the paths the scars take into his hairline and across his scalp.

If Steve were more with them, she might tell Jonathan to kiss him.

Nancy knows he wants to; they’ve talked about it. Before Steve heard exactly the wrong thing.

But not now.

Not when Steve’s eyes are so hazy she’s not sure he’ll remember this tomorrow.

Not when they haven’t talked to Steve yet, about any of this.

None of them speak as she rinses out the conditioner, when Jonathan pulls the stopper, when they get Steve changed into a pair of Jonathan’s pants and one of his own slightly-too-big sweatshirts, no t-shirt underneath.

(It’s one she knows fit him perfectly last year.)

They wait until they’ve got him back in bed to rewrap his ankles.

And if Steve grabs each of their wrists loosely—fingers trembling like even this is too much for him to handle—when they try to leave, they don’t have to tell anyone that’s the reason they stay.

They don’t have to tell anyone they weren’t really going to leave anyway.

<- 7 9 ->

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desudog · 3 months

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wait you HATED sweet pool omg. its my least fave out of the n+c releases ive read so far mainly for how flat the characters felt to me and how clumsy a lot of the plot felt but i rlly loved the aesthetic/general vibe it had so thats rlly interesting to me,if ur up for it id love to know what didnt click for u ^_^

when i judge how bad a VN is with my brother (avid VN reader as well) we use Sweet Pool as a basically "zero" on the scale of professional, large VNs.

Sweet Pool's writing was WEIRD. I can do some weird, thats fine. Weird ass-birth stillborn meatslugs? ... okay, ill... look past that. ok i wont lie, the constant ass-birth was hard for me. i really did try to not judge it on that but like, there was almost constant buttbirth going on. ive made peace with this by now, kinda making a link to myself about the connections of it to being an unintentional trans narrative in many ways and all but like. it was WEIRD. and kinda hard to read. it didnt strike me as horror, it struck me as "weird fetish i have to sit through. oh my god is he licking tha- PUT IT DOWN Z-DAWG. Ok christ."

The characters were also weird. I laughed out loud in surprise at how stupid the "i saved you from being raped <3 SO I CAN RAPE YOU, PSYCH!" scene was. like wtf was that??????

(I hope you werent planning on USING that butthole, mister!)

i did not enjoy the art style, i think its the ugliest N+C art style yet and since. not my thing. many angles and proportions look weird. the CGs looked stiff and uninspired. it NEVER grew on me. no shade to people who liked it or the artist it just.. wasnt my thing. not unbearable but just. not. as good as it could have been and def took away from the experience.

i didnt like any of the endings. it wasnt scary it was weird. the pacing was weird. for being a BL, it had very little love just... wtf. and im so sad abt what they did to mikoto bc i liked him before uuuUuUuUu yandere plot twwwwist. bleh.... dollar store keisuke! they would FORCE the true end so you maybe go, "maybe the true end is satisfying and good an-" no. its not. fuck yoU!

sweet pool was painful. i dont know how else to put my experience. i 100%d it because i 100% everything when i can, and i was literally pushing through like a hiker in a snow storm to finish it. every 3 seconds was secondhand embarrassment. the "jerking off in the classroom" scene comes to mind. i got up and took a break for that one because it was just unbearable. idk how anyone could slap one out to this vn. im not sure if anyone ever has. which makes the sex weird. actually, i dont think there was a single consensual ero scene unless u count the true end fusion scene.

(proof god does not love us)

the aesthetic/vibe was... ehhh... not super unique IMO. school setting immediately put me off, a more gritty and cool toned, dark palate made things interesting but, its still a "weird thing happens in high school" story. kinda bored to death of HS settings in VNs.

i did like the protag tho! he was interesting and it was nice having a chronically ill protag even if it was just a plot device to make him be able to miss school while going on a... dark apartment birth marathon.

sweet pool felt like a bizarre, amateur fanfiction for a fetish i dont have.

the soundtrack is very memorable as well as the opening pre-game sequence, i liked the concept of the choice button meanings, but they were very rough in actual use.

this is my favorite CG i appreciate the aquarium set up instead of a fish bowl (though he could do better...)

(shame about them turning into meat popcorn tho...)

i liked the iguana lol

i didnt care about these guys so much i dont even remember their names most of the time. except zenya. i liked him cus hes so cute and batshit crazy and has intersex swag.

(does this shade match my festering flesheye?)

all in all?

i give sweet pool a 2/10 butt babies.

--------- CONS:

no shortage of buttbirth stuff

seems to have lost the "love" in "BL".

some characters arent even original... FROM THEIR OWN STUDIO.

boring, hard to follow story

character focus on a character who has no personality. this guy is the gijinka of the hair that gathers at the drain of your shower.

designs that just are not very memorable or unique, without the personality to work with

story has routes but none of them were thought much of, should have just been a kinetic

confusing choice buttons

WAY too many choices for a VN with 3 candidates. makes 100%ing a drag.

predictable story

----------

PROS:

no shortage of buttbirth stuff, i mean, if youre into that

a soundtrack that makes up for the lack of good ero because this OST FUCKS

still a better love story than twilight

-----------

note: i read it in offical ENG, so i was no doubt getting a lower quality version. i dont think the original text would have helped getting it more than a single grade higher.

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raisinchallah · 10 months

Note

not vriska anon but i don’t want vriska to get lonely… terezi

First impression

i liked her instantly like her appearance is 100% what locked me into continuing reading like i enjoyed rose a lot but i had like no fucking clue what was happening most of the time but terezi was so funny and like perfect character designed in a lab for me i just became immediately invested again so i guess everyone can also blame her specifically if you wanna know why im talking about homestuck in 2023 lol

Impression now

i mean again she just like permanently altered my personality and impacted me in ways i can scarcely fathom what can even begin to sum it up.. in some ways perceiving her is like getting too close to a hot flame because its also like shes intimately tied into my entire teenage existence i literally made a bunch of friends in high school cuz i wore my silly little terezi shirt that terezi shirt directly lead to kissing a girl and my first relationship jkfld;dsk she has been there thru everything i still have that terezi shirt one of the old original what pumpkin ones not the we love fine pretenders to the throne etc

Favorite moment

[s] terezi remem8er!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean thats just one of my favorite parts of the comic in general and idk i lost my mind when it dropped felt like the perfect culmination of so many things around terezi and was just very moving for meee like later parts of the comic definitely very hit or miss but there were some things that felt like they did tie things up and like the fact the vriska game over terezi killed who had gone thru all these crazy changes was able to finally meet again with the terezi that literally rewrote the universe to see her again and had been so sad about never finding vriska in the dreambubbles and there at the end of the world the end of the comic they are finally reunited and getting to see bits of their past together as well aaaah and of course alpha terezis sad girl monologue leading into that truly meant the world to me

Idea for a story

not a story but i wanted to make a terezi and vriska no light no light lyricstuck for like 8 years now and it haunts me always

Unpopular opinion

god i have no idea what an unpopular terezi opinion would even be nowadays cuz like back in the day its like controversial take i dont believe terezi exists only to be the matchmaker or girl in the way of davekat or something but i dont think thats controversial or anything idk again i have stayed away from the fandom for so long at this point um idk i think people who ship her with dudes want her to be a manic pixie dream girl so bad

Favorite relationship

well duh vriska but as i have already explained so much about them in the vriska answer and s terezi remember etc i shall say that but also i do really like a lot of her conversations with dave i think its very interesting how both vriska and terezi idk allow themselves to be a bit more vulnerable with humans who dont care about their insane alien values and norms in a way they are afraid to be with each other and literally that fucking conversation where terezis like ok shut up ive listened to every single one of your sad boy problems my time to talk now with dave and talks about weighing her options about killing vriska while daves like still sitting next to bros dead body literally a conversation of all time i think

Favorite headcanon

oh god i dont even know i feel like i have not considered things like this in a long time idk... i am coming up blank

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aaronstveit · 5 months

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hi! ive been around for awhile now but never said hi to u off anon jdkdmdjd

how are you?

okay question, how do you read so many books? i used to be a bookworm in middle school but then high school and depression happened and i lost the ability to focus. im adhd so its not surprising but none of the tricks people recommend works for my brain. i sit down to read and after two words im like "okay nevermind."

i really like audio books but i miss actually Reading the words myself you know? there is a difference between them for sure and i also notice i remember the new words and phrases better when im actually reading them instead of just hearing them.

you read a lot so i thought maybe any advice you have might help me? its worth a shot to ask jfkdkdjd no pressure tho. <3

omg hi!!🫶🏻 i'm good, how are you? <33

i was exactly the same! couldn't stop reading in elementary & middle school, then high school completely destroyed my love of reading & learning. it's honestly taken me years to get back to being an avid read and to enjoying it </3

i'm lucky to have a lot of free time. i also have a lot of sleeping problems & end up unable to sleep around 2am most nights, so i get a lot of reading done from like 9pm-2am. it's not ideal to my sleeping schedule and i definitely don't recommend it, that's just one of the ways that i end up reading so much.

i think cossette @hollyfhumberstone has a phenomenal post here about tips for reading more that i definitely refer to when i find myself in a reading slump!

for me, it really helps to set a daily goal for reading. i use the finch app and every day i set goals to read at least one chapter of whatever it is that i'm reading. there is no punishment for missing a goal, but there are rewards for accomplishing them, and that helps me! like right now, i'm reading wuthering heights, which i've put off reading forever because it intimidates me. so i set a goal of just reading one chapter a day so i can get through it. sometimes i'll read two chapters a day, especially if they're short, but it's easier to get my brain to do it because i've taken the pressure off myself, if that makes sense! a lot of my reading is really about tricking my brain into letting me do it tbh.

i also let myself take breaks between chapters, even when i'm sitting down to read for a few hours! if i finish a chapter and i want to check social media or play solitaire on my phone for a second or get a snack or something, i just do it. i know some people really try not to look away from their book for certain amounts of time, but that doesn't work for me because then i'll be looking at the words but i'll just be thinking about doing something else the entire time.

one of my favorite things to do is talk about the books i'm reading, so that helps me, too! i talk to my dad and my friends about books, which always hypes me up to read more. if you ever wanna talk about books with me, my DMs and asks are always open! i literally just LOVE talking books, even if i haven't read them yet!

setting reading goals works for me too, but i tend to set running goals instead of definitive goals. like, i'll set my goodreads goal for x number of books each year, but the rest of my goals are not numerical. they're more like "read more diversely," "read more classics," "read more science fiction," "read more fantasy," "read more historical fiction," and "read more nonfiction." (those are my goals for 2024 btw). that way i'm not chasing a number, i'm just broadening my horizons!

what has really helped me the last couple of years was finding genres i enjoyed and getting really into them. i discovered i like mystery, thriller, and horror books a lot more than other genres, so that's most of what i've been reading! i still run into books i don't like, and i still branch out and find some incredible books in other genres, but i'm done forcing myself to read what's popular just for the sake of it.

oooh and another thing i do when i can't get myself interested in a new book is to reread an old favorite. i reread the hunger games pretty much every year when i find myself in a reading slump, because i know that series will keep me interested no matter how many times i've read it. annotating old favorites also works for me! i annotated thg this year, the raven cycle last year, and i think next year i will try annotating lord of the rings!

i hope this helps! i wish i could give you some better advice </3 if you have any other questions, please let me know!! 🫶🏻

#thank you!#answered #charlieisverybored #love letters only💛

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goat-shoe · 2 months

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ok, i Rant time

ive been reading this fic Knowing itd be a mess and im just... ive had it with this characterization! aimless rant below ^^;;;

tw for bullying, harassment, abuse, homophobia

so a lot of highschool AUs are just..... Bad? like LOL sorry :x but. youre taking away everything interesting about the miraculous holders, And youre trying to make Fully Grown Adults into children. ??????

n e ways, i found this highschool dropout au,,, im Sure you can guess how i feel abt dugout and tiderdrop together, but personal biases aside (its Icky to me and someday ill figure out why)..... lets read this fic.

(to prove i am Not taking things out of context, heres the whole fic)

FIRST of all, youre ognna notice that the prose is Boring, written in long and uninspired runon sentences. i dont wanna just bash on an inexperienced writer, but if youre gonna be this lazy about it.. who is it for :x

second, headcanoning mariquitas name as the Only spanish name you can think of that starts with "mari"? is just uninspired. mariquita wouldnt Choose a hero name so obviously close to her Real Name.. again im not an unmasker, but this headcanon is ridiculous....

finally, and most importantly.... "he sighs wearily". umm, No actually. he Doesnt. you dont even get an insight into dugouts thoughts other than "im nervous about school >m<"

Needless to say, this and his whiny, whimpering demeanor is incredibly infantilizing,. Furthermore in this context, all it does is plays into the ""yaoi"" trope of a big buff bad big boy x boy who says uwaaah! (i hope it goes without saying, this is Not a condemnation of boys who say uwahh, yall are doing gods work and ily)

cramming tigerdrop and dugout into this trope comes off as (and actually is) incredibly homophobic and harmful. need i remind you, these are real people. i wouldnt be surprised if this author was a fujoshi or something too :x

anyways.

im a dugout fan Because hes reserved, but in this fic, thats being watered down to him just being sad and whiny.

its just so insulting to be written shrugging every 3 sentences. dugout im so sorry theyre doing this to you ;;;

guhh. ill give them points for this cute relationship with mariquita...

but again, the prose is just.. clumsy. and again, all dugout does is whine about change. its not even a realistic portrayal of adjustment disorder :x

speaking of disorders Lol,

we Know how i feel abt tigerdrop, but i tend to actually like fanfic portrayals of him.

but this one is just... Confusing...

(also we have mandatory "describe their entire outfit in vapid detail" LOL i should have made this a bingo)

i havent really been talking about the plot, but heres what it took the author two chapters to get through:

dugout it new in town, hes nervous about the changes. (we dont even know why he misses home??? just, make it up i guess, god forbid a fanfiction Make That part up!!!!!!)

tigerdrop has lived in new york all his life, and he appears to be pretty bored with life (ex: pushes pipsqueak over just because he thought itd be funny, no doubt an allusion to the canal street incident last july)

his characterization is actually really confusing and i think its supposed to be like, Alluring??? but its just disconcerting :x

thats It. Two established characters and empty conversations with others (the mariquita mischaracterization especially drives me up the wall ever since i confirmed my kin with her)

they meet in math class when dugout unknowingly sits in tigerdrops seat..... girl, Literally no one in high school acts like this.

at this point, this fic is no better than glee and the millions of other incorrect and careless portrayals of highschoolers. tigerdrop has some weird banter with the faceless teacher (yet Another reason i hate most highschool fics)

:/ i Kinda saw it coming, but....

tigerdrop apologizing and not meaning it? In character. But, hes just acting like a greaser, and its Weird

dugout wouldnt care! he would not look like "a deer in the Headphones."

i Realize the author doesnt have a beta reader but :x that doesnt excuse pawning off lazy work btw, in case anyone was wondering....

last but probably Most important: this is setting up such a toxic dynamic. tigerdrop is actively pushing the message that dugout is taking up too much space and he doesnt belong. its alienating and shitty. and this is a fic Shipping Them :x

but i Clicked on a dropout fic, so.... should i be surprised :/

like i said. dugout is Already afraid of him.. his body is reacting just to the sound of his voice, not unlike trauma in PTSD victims!

like. guh. this is literally so toxic. also..

take a shot every time you see the word "smirks"

lips ghosting his nose And ear? Lol.....

likely The Worst way to incorporate their miraculous personas :x reading this literally made me nauseous.

anyways.... thats all of the fic thats been posted so far. so to summarize: this is just Icky. its even worse, setting this kind of relationship in their high school years :x imagine if someone treated you this way! youre Not gonna grow up and marry them.

i Cant even.

~ ty for reading <3 ~

#mlb irl #gabby gabs #rant #cullykisser #UGH i dare not tag dropout #i dont need that toxicity..#grateful i could get some of this out there <3 #it was nice also to do some literary analysis ^^#maybe i really should be an english major!#;; back to classes now huwhwuwhuwh

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fizzypunks · 1 year

Text

hi everyone :) its been a moment since ive been on here, but ive certainly not forgotten it. i've been v busy and life picked up since the pandemic, which was the time i got back into writing, into fic in general, and i really miss that feeling bc god knows its definitely not 2020 any more. very odd. but that does bring me to my next steps, because i miss this blog, and i miss writing, a lot. so, house keeping notes:

i miss this blog but i feel like i want something that feels lighter, so i've officially moved over to @daizedream which is now my writing blog. it's not primarily 18+ content but i obviously do write content like that from time to time, so i ask that you follow and interact only if you're 18+. thank you!!

that means my ao3 is now also changed names, and you can find me there as daizedream ~ links from my posts are now broken because of that, but we are the same ppl and is confirmed in ao3 bios.

i have written a handful of things over the past two-ish years, but i havent yet started on some passion projects that have been sitting in my brain for a good near-3 years now, and im happy to say im going to be working on those soon :>

ive written for a lot of niche and rare pairs/ideas/etc and i really appreciated the support and the sense of community that came from those stories, so im actually really excited to say that i have a lot of ideas for those niche/rare pairs, and im planning on writing and completing them next year ~ shikaneji lives rent free in my head and it's been way too long since they've made it out of my head. i have a little fandom list on my other blog tho so i'll be writing for those fandoms too

i am on break now bc im back in school, so it's going to be a bit slow going next year for some projects, esp the big chaptered one that needs planning, but i am hopeful and excited for the short stories/oneshots that i wanna work on and share. school and work dictate the pace of these things, im afraid, so i cant guarantee consistancy

anyways, this is really long and i had to blow off the dust on this blog to even use it but if youve read this far then thank u very much, it means a lot to me, and i wanted to update because i really do miss the community and the writing and the indulgence of way back when, and i just wanted to pop back in and say it. thanks! happy holidays! and please stay warm, its a cold one this winter ~

see you over at daized ~

#author.txt #hi:)#little update #this is so long #also if i havent talked to you in a long time or just fell off the face of the earth im so so sorry #time has this way of feeling like it never passes and then suddenly im way older and two years has gone by #but it is what it is and i am working on changing that #anyways #last post #last on this blog anyway #i really like my new blog space tho it feels more like me #ive had this one for so long that it feels like Them you know?#so i needed a different area to feel like Me again #but!! thats all!! bye!!!

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jet-bradley · 1 year

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ok 1) fuck the rupaul sponsored ad 2) do you ever do something and realize it meant a lot to someone else and feel like a complete fucking idiot for not reading that it meant a lot to them. i watched a die hard movie with my dad and brother that they have been asking to see since christmas but ive not felt up to it until now and it was always ohh im at work till late ohh im sick but i finally sat down and watched it with them and it turns out my dad was refusing to turn off the christmas tree until we watched it together. because he doesnt have my mom anymore and he has two kids who he let the internet raise and neither of us ever wanna do anything. and im aware of this on a surface level but i always still end up not fucking doing anything with them or the moment we spend time together i end up back fucking online a second later. and even when i'm there i'm not really there because im always in my fucking head thinking about god knows what fucking nothing probably. just consumed in thoughts about whatever game i've been playing or whatever homework assignment i have to do next and i can never sit back and enjoy a fucking moment. i cant even go on hikes without fucking thinking about my stupid fandoms or some bullshit math problem or like my assignments. and i completely miss basic signals from people like "i want to spend time with you because it's the first christmas with an empty part of the bed." im always fucking withdrawn and distant from everyone and its all because im too engrossed in literally anything else. getting offline is like a band-aid at this point, i'd still just distract myself thinking about my hobbies and my work because i cant fucking connect to people through anything else. and the real irony is this overthinking is exactly the fucking problem. because i'm alone in my room right now even though i know i'll have no fucking shortage of time being alone once i'm back at school i still have to isolate myself from everybody as soon as im fucking upset. because even though one parent who caused the goddamn problem is dead and the other's changed over the last seven years, i can't fucking stomach the thought of my own family seeing me cry.

i take everything fucking personally for someone who cant even read basic fucking signals from people.

#i think the holidays r for age regressing #because i sure the fuck am acting like a fifteen year old right now

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ffsg0jo · 2 years

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@sunat2508 × MIKASA ~ NATKASA

to my darling nat,

it seems so old school doesnt it? writing a letter to one's lover. i feel like one of those renaissance poets, about to burst into song and dance, prancing around and proclaiming my love for you. just imagine that would you? because i'm imagining it. i can picture twirling you around in some old fashioned ballroom, the both of us in the prettiest dresses. i'd hold you close to me, close enough to feel our breaths mixing.

i miss you so much nat, even though i only saw you the other day. you're always on my mind, and you always will be.

i know ive often struggled with my words but writing these weekly letters seem somewhat cathartic and relaxing. i really enjoy taking time out of my day, to sit down with a cup of tea and just write my thoughts and feelings down. i rather look forward to it actually. i even upgraded my setup ! the little cactus you bought me is staring at me as i write this. oh and ive decided to call it spike btw :))

now, onto more serious topics, i want you to know that i am so so proud of everything youve achieved and everything you will go onto achieve honey. i know you've been under a lot of stress lately with your exams and and your struggle with food, but the fact that you haven't given up yet is so important and im really proud of you for that ! keep fighting my sweet nat, and know that im here for you every step of the way.

things may be tough now, and i know it's hard to keep going sometimes, but it will all be worth it, trust me ! remember when we first became friends in the gym? we were both struggling to hit new PR's, but slowly but surely, with the help of time and lots and lots of hard work, we both did it ! when i saw you hit your new max, God, i felt like kissing you, but i settled for a hug instead. we weren't together at that time and i remember thinking and believing you didn't see me in that way.

how times have changed, we've known eachother for years and we're going to be moving in together soon ! i can't wait to wake up next to you, and fall asleep to the steady and symphonic beat of your heart !! i can hardly contain my excitement !!!

oh and one last thing before i go, give my love to hitoshi for me !! i cant wait till we move in together so we can both cuddle on the sofa 24/7 with hitoshi at our feet !! im literally counting down the days and im beyond excited !!

i can't wait to see you soon and shower you with cuddles and kisses ! also reply to my text nat, its been nearly 3 hours !!

with love,

your sweet angel mika <33

#🌻.lija hits 400 <33 #🌻.beloved moot<33 #🌻.nat <33

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celestialpotat0 · 4 months

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I'm definitely old now

In 2023 I struggled to reconcile my desire to stay out late at night and make memories with my desire to have a restful sleep schedule. In my 20s I would regularly leave the house after 11pm because many spots and events don't get lit til around 12am. In 2023 I think I pretty much always chose sleep over staying up. Was supposed to go clubbing for my friend's birthday party, and I really wanted to go. But I probably wouldn't have been home til 3am, which would inevitably cause me to wake up early to go into work after some sleep-deprived days. I'd risk making mistakes at work or thinking too slowly at work, which could cause patient harm. Then I'd go home from work and be too tired to meal prep, work out, clean, study, etc. so that day would be wasted. And it'd take prob a few days to correct the 1 night of staying up too late. So i told him wouldnt be able to stay up late for clubbing, and in a way i shocked myself at how unfamiliar this new me is, given how much i loved going out dancing.

The Killers have a special place in my heart because their music transports me back to the middle school version of myself. I listened to Hot Fuss so many times in middle school and the drama spoke to my angsty, emotional, and insecure self. that younger version of me who constantly dreamed about a grander life. When they came to SF, I knew that it'd mean so much to go to their concert; I have this obsession with nostalgia and attaching sentimental significance to certain things so I can commemorate memories and try to relive or reexperience them. (yes i realize that was extremely redundant word choice but idc bc i gotta head into work in a bit.) But I decided with difficulty to miss their concert since I had early morning work the next day.

I have extra special fond memories of NYE in past years- gathering with lots of strangers, dancing, bundled up under thick layers and scarves to ring in the new year. in those moments that you're gathering and celebrating and chanting the last ten seconds of the year out loud in unison with everyone around you, you KNOW you're going to remember those exact moments of revelry and joy for years to come. but i turned down my friend's invitation to celebrate this year because i had work in the morning on New year's day.

These are just some examples of when me in my 20s might have leaned toward going. While I admit the clubbing may have been the pursuit of hedonism as dancing is joy found in a simple act of moving to music and allows me to leave all my worries behind off the dance floor, the concert was more about nostalgia and NYE was more about creating memories. In 2023, there were many other times when I consistently chose over and over again to NOT stay out late. Mainly because I felt an obligation to be responsible for my job. friend invited me to watch a movie that starts at 7pm next Friday--I told him I'll have to sit this one out because idk if i'll even be awake by the end of the movie.

a 7pm movie on a friday evening is too late for me now... welcome to my 30s.

I've recently started to reframe my perspective on getting older. im obviously starting to realize now that I feel way more wrecked on 5 hours of sleep than i used to. body aches appear spontaneously now. the appearance of my body and face is not what it used to be. but im actually really appreciating the present, because i think about how in my 40s I'm going to WISH I could be back in my 30s. And in my 50s I'm going to think man I really had it good in my 40s. So thinking of future me makes me appreciate the body I have today, and I actually feel grateful. I'm quite proud of shifting my perspective because when I was like 28-30 I used to feel miserable about the thought of getting older. I had best fully appreciate this time now, because it will slip away into the past, so I want to savor it all now while Im lucky enough to have it. i will say the weights ive been lifting have been the heaviest theyve ever been, so there are small victories.

My really dear friend is in her 90s and has sciatica. She has been in a lot of pain. But the other day I received a package from her in the mail. She'd sent me pecan pie and cookies. To know that she baked a pie and cookies and packaged them up and shipped them over to me from San Clemente, all despite her sciatica pain, is one of the most meaningful acts of kindness i've received. As i get older I also better understand just how much love is delivered through food. anyone who has cooked and prepared food for me, i realize how much it takes to do that and the abundance of love that is poured into and expressed through food. im so inspired and touched to witness that kindness and am grateful our paths crossed.

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