in honour of the new life series and also the Incredible binge i just did of cleo's last life series-- here's a really old piece i did back when last life ended. cleo and her rivers....

I need you to know that your Nanami writing has my heart doing backflips oh my GOD. You have no idea how completely demolished my entire soul was when I finished reading what you’ve written it’s SO GOOD,,,, your Nanami is so sjdodndifndicsicjsicjsi I can’t even explain it

AHHH THANK YOU anon!!!!! im so glad you enjoyed it!!!!! and thank you for the kind words!!! nanami is truly like... my cancerian emotional sounding board. he has such care in him, and the way he expresses it is such a particular type of soft-- i've really enjoyed getting to write for him!!! thank you for enjoying it too!!!

Buddy, I have been vibrating in place waiting for you to finish 18 so I could break this one out.

OMFG.

Every time I look at the chapter count vs the affection being shown by Jakayami I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that this is the first book in what promises to be a series.

I guessed it'd be a slow burn early on. And I knew it'd be a real slow burn. No making love instead of fucking by the 20k mark nonsense.

But fuck, I was not prepared.

Hayami gave Jakari a forehead kiss, A FOREHEAD KISS, not a peck on the lips or cheek or corner of mouth. A little smooch to the fucking forehead with all the implications of care and tenderness over-ruling simple desire that comes with it and I have been turning that scene over in my mind like a rotisserie chicken ever since.

And it's nuts because yes this is the first overt sign of affection but its not the first sign of affection, because these assholes have been flirting via subtext and ridiculous "for the good of the mission" justifications since day one. Mamachi decided to have a tough conversation with their much more overt romantic interest with Jakari for support and Jakari brought Hayami along. Hayami wanted to make sure her parents were safe and well and decided to bring Jakari along to meet them for it.

There was no real call for either of these events even if they had been told to partner up for work. If they wanted to build a bit of trust and rapport they could have played 20 questions and tried some trust falls. But they couldn't just do that because they Like each other and wanted to try and show something real and vulnerable about themselves to see how the other reacted.

The affection has been there. It was there when Hayami decided if no one else would look out for Jakari then she would. It was there when Jakari tried to keep Hayami off of the mission because of how dangerous it would be despite having no real justification to use.

It's hilarious because Jakari's actions and though processes even if they aren't conscious/direct read as caring much more deeply than Hayami's did when I was thinking back on all the layers of subtext, because Jakari has been so fully wrapped up in self hatred and need to focus on the mission that she hasn't/couldn't fully comprehend her feelings for Hayami, meanwhile Hayami has been able to go "Oh, I like this woman a lot and want to see if its possible to explore that once we've saved humanity" and then compartmentalise it and focus primarily on the job only showing affection when there is actually time for it and when she knows Jakari needs a reality check as to her monster status.

Jakayami are taking up So Much Brain Space while (by?) doing the absolute minimum and it's slowly driving me feral.

So... am I the only one who feels like somehow simultaneously everything and nothing has happened this season? I know we got some BIG moments like The Breakup and Maddie leaving, but overall it feels like any individual or interpersonal relationship development (not just buddie) is happening slower than molasses. Like Hen, when was the last time they even acknowledged her med school storyline before last night? And specific to buddie, I would imagine the tiny steps they’re making this season are still likely imperceptible to the casual viewer when I had hoped/expected things would be at least a little bit more overt at this point. Lately I feel like so many important conversations or moments happen behind the scenes, and then we’re told about it instead of witnessing it ourselves OR they’re just never spoken about. Am I making sense??? I mean, it’s ultimately my fault that the reality of the episodes this season don’t meet my expectations because I get my hopes up too high with the teasers and speculation that comes from them. But the pacing is driving me nuts 😅 so I’m here because you always give me hope!!!! Do you think they’ll give us anything more overt before the winter hiatus? They’ll have to do something big to tide us over for 5 months, right? Especially since I noticed (on Wikipedia lol) that they‘ve had a decrease in US viewership this season. What do you think?

Hi Nonnie! Awwww, I'm so happy I manage to give you hope! *big hugs* I hope I can help this time, too.

I totally get what you're saying. I think at least a part of it is the fact that this is an ensemble show and the attempt to keep so many balls in the air, it results in part in the fact that this show has always something told its story by omission (such as moments when we gather Buck and Eddie fill each other in on stuff that happens to them, but we don't see it, or in 201, Eddie getting personal info about Buck, but only referred to, not shown on screen). That's why Hen's medical storyline wasn't addressed until 506, and we could only assume it's still happening in the background...

It's true that to the casual viewer, Buddie is still completely understated, but then I'm also sure that to the casual viewer, the break up between Eddie and Ana came out of left field. The show never spelled that there was actual trouble between the two of them, so viewers had to be very perceptive and/or very tuned into Eddie specifically (which most casual viewers wouldn't be) to gather that there was something off even before Carla had her say in ep 413. I actually think it's interesting that the show is more overt in telling us there's something off with Buck and Taylor than it was about showing that Eddie and Ana aren't working out, like... the signs are more explicit, you know? I do think we're headed for a B/T break up, just like during all of s4 I thought we were headed for a break up with E/A.

But will that cross over to showing us something more overt with Buck and Eddie that even a casual viewer would get? I find that hard to answer. I feel like a lot of things point towards YES, the storytelling most of all, but also the stuff you mentioned. 'Coz yeah, the logical moment to finally make Buddie happen is exactly when the ratings start dropping, but would they have realized the show wouldn't do as well when they were planning the Buddie story arc? IDK. After all, s4 has done poorer than s3 in ratings, but it did better in viewership ranks. I feel like everything since the shooting arc at the end of s4 is building towards something, IDK if it'll come to its natural fruition in 5A, but more than ever before, I feel like the odds are good and that the signs are all there... I've never been pessimistic, but I always tried to be very cautious and I am more optimistic than ever, so... I take that gut feelings as a positive sign, too. ;)

I really hope that helps, lovely! Have a great day! xoxox

(also, while I'm here, I hope the kind Nonnie who sent the ask about refreshing my blog saw the meta post! Please let me know?)

To anyone else who sent me an ask, I am going through all of them, thank you so much for your patience! If you wanna check whether I've replied to yours yet, you can have a look at my ask tag. xoxox

Were Jed + Katey “Betrothed”?

There’s a bit of a rumor going around Fundie Tumblr, saying that Jed Duggar + Katey Nakatsu’s Relationship followed a procedure known as ‘betrothal,’ rather than the Duggar–typical ‘courtship.’  Ultimately, I think the distinction is more–or–less meaningless...  Either way, it’s a parent–supervised, chaste, patriarchal method of ‘dating,’ as much as the Duggars despise that word.  But, honestly, I’m intrigued by the Duggars’, etc., odd relationship practices—and, I’d like to discuss the possibility that Jed + Katey were, indeed, ‘betrothed.”

After the jump...

First of all...

What is Courtship?

As Duggar Snarkers, we’re probably all familiar with the concept of ‘courtship.’  The Duggars (and Bateses, etc.) often discuss it.  Basically, they like to say it’s ‘dating with a purpose.’  You don’t date for the sake of dating; you only date if you’re ready for marriage and believe your partner is your intended spouse.  A Duggar–style courtship also differs from ‘secular dating’ in that there is a lot of parental involvement:  The man pursues the woman only after getting consent from her father, and both partners are expected to seek their parents’ counsel as the relationship progresses to determine if marriage is appropriate.  There’s also a slew of rules, which vary somewhat, but often include—

Strict Limitations on Physical Contact   Sex is always off–limits, as is kissing in most cases.  Certain types of hugs might be banned.  Hand–holding might be banned.  ‘No Touch’ courtships aren’t unheard of.

Constant Supervision / Chaperoning   Usually, the couple isn’t alone together, ever, until marriage.  Chaperones tend to be ‘provided’ by the woman’s family.  Sometimes phone calls and texts are monitored.

Entrenched Gender Roles   Generally, the man is in control.  He asks the woman to court, decides when they get engaged, etc.  His partner begins a sad transformation, wherein she starts looking to the male as her absolute ‘headship’ and leader....  It’s creepy.

Lots of Praying  Everyone involved prays a lot and tries to figure out if the pairing is ‘God’s will,’ or not.

Courtship is a commitment, but it is not unbreakable.  Sometimes courtships fail, and that’s by design...  The whole point is to figure out if you’re meant to marry one another.  You haven’t decided yet.  You’re trying to decide.

What is Betrothal?

So...  How does ‘betrothal’ compare?  First of all, I need to say:  There isn’t a 100% agreed upon definition of ‘betrothal,’ here, since the Duggars have not ever publicly discussed it or publicly engaged in the practice.  With that said, I’ve done some research about ‘betrothal’ in Duggar–y circles, and here’s the gist...

With betrothal, there’s no trial period.  From the start, the couple vows—often literally—to eventually marry their partner.  There’s no backing out.  (If you do, you’re breaking your vow to God.)  Basically...  You go from zero to engaged.  (And, really, it’s more than engaged.  With a typical engagement, there isn’t a solemn vow before God; with betrothal, there is.)  After the betrothal, the new couple spends a period of time getting acquainted and planning the wedding, and then they get married.  As with courtship, the rules of betrothal vary a lot; however, in my research, I did see some trends.  Here are the ways that, IMO, betrothal notably varies from courtship—

Solemn Vow to Marry w/ Little to No Trial Period   See Above.

Ceremony / Ritual Aspect   Often, the betrothal itself occurs at some sort of ceremony.  It’s solemnized.  Often, there’s a literal exchange of vows, similar to a wedding ceremony.  Contracts aren’t unheard of.

More Extreme Parental Involvement   Often, the parents—the father, specifically—is even more involved than is typical in a ‘courtship.’  He often takes on essentially the entire responsibility of vetting the young suitor for his daughter, since there’s no ‘trial period’ where she gets to know him before being betrothed.  Basically, the father picked out his daughter’s husband for her.  That’s the whole point.

“Arranged” Feeling   See Above.  It’s not unheard of for the man and woman to meet for the first time on the date of their betrothal.

(Note—I’m talking about fundie–style betrothal, here.  Betrothal is actually a long–standing practice of various groups.  Notably, it’s part of Judaism, and discussed in the Torah.  We’re not talking about that sort of betrothal or any other sort of betrothal, here.  I’m strictly talking about the bizarre concept of betrothal occasionally practiced on the fringes of the Duggars’ circle.)

More About Fundie Betrothal

What’s clear, at least to me, is that fundie ‘betrothal’ is a way to ‘one–up’ the more typical practice of ‘courtship.’  Apparently, rejecting dating isn’t enough for some families.  They’re not satisfied just to ‘court,’ like everyone else.  So, they take things one step further with ‘betrothal,’ which they claim is better—more biblical, etc.—than mere ‘courtship.’

Digging into this, Duggar Data learned that a few fringe fundies really pushed this ‘betrothal’ concept.  One was Vaughn Ohlman.  Ohlman previously ran a website called ‘Let Them Marry,’ which creepily encouraged young marriage.  Basically, Ohlman’s whole schtick—which he sums up in “True Love Doesn’t Wait,” an article that is basically his manifesto—is that young fundies should marry as soon as possible, since supposedly the Bible says so, and God.  In pushing this strange agenda, Ohlman naturally got to the topic of the proper way to select a spouse...  His answer was ‘betrothal.’  (See Also.)  Eventually, Ohlman traveled the country, teaching about betrothal and how it’s the ‘right’ way to find a mate.  Courtship is ungodly and unbiblical, yada yada yada.  (If you’re wondering...  Yes, he was nuts.  Absolutely nuts.  Thankfully, he ended up shutting down his ministry after receiving a lot of well–earned criticism.)

Vaughan married off his son, Joshua, via a betrothal.  Here’s Joshua + Laura’s Story, which is one of the best–known fundie betrothal stories.  Another well–known, and highly disturbing, betrothal story is that of Matthew + Maranatha Chapman.  (See Also.  See Also.)  Also, here’s a chart comparing betrothal to secular dating and courtship, which I thought was pretty interesting.     

So, What About Jed + Katey?

Why, exactly, do people think Jed + Katey were betrothed?  A few things drive the rumor—

The ‘Biblical Betrothal’ Post   There’s a mysterious, password–protected post on the Nakatsu Family Blog, entitled ‘Biblical Betrothal.’  Kory made the post in June 2018.  Its contents is unknown, since it’s password–protected.

The Vows at The Proposal   On the video documenting Jed’s proposal, which was posted on the Nakatsu Family Blog, Jed and Katey apparently exchanged vows when they got engaged.  These vows somewhat resemble the vows that might be exchanged at a betrothal ceremony.

Kory’s Speech At The Wedding   At the Wedding, Kory made a speech when he ‘gave’ Katey to Jed, in which he sort of implies that he personally selected Jed for her, and Katey had agreed to this.

The Wedding Vows   Overally, Jed + Katey’s Wedding just seemed very, very fundie, if that makes sense.  Their vows hammered on the wife’s submission, yada yada yada.  Gives the impression that this was a very strict relationship, and they’re deeply committed to the disgusting notion of biblical patriarchy—which is the exact sort of idea that betrothal advocates are into.

That said, there’s also...

Evidence Against A Betrothal—

During the wedding, the pastor referred to their ‘courtship, and made no mention of betrothal whatsoever.  (And it’s not like he held back, at all, in talking about those fringe fundie beliefs...  Just read their vows!)

According to Reed Roberts, and also Jed, Jed + Katey were together for about a year, prior to marriage.  So, if those vows at the proposal were a betrothal, it clearly wasn’t a ‘traditional’ betrothal...  Since they’d already been together for awhile, at that point.

Reed Roberts denies that Jed + Katey were “arranged.”  (Though, I think it’s also worth mentioning...  He didn’t actually say how they met.  Which I think is kinda weird.  It seems natural to tell the ‘how they met’ story, in attempting to dispel rumors of an arranged marriage.  But he doesn’t.)

Final Thoughts

Duggar Data doesn’t think that Jed + Katey had a ‘true’ betrothal, thought I do suspect the courtship was probably stricter than most, and that Kory probably played a larger role than is ‘typical.’  I think it’s possible that Kory read about—or perhaps, even attended a seminar—about ‘biblical betrothal,’ which led him to making that post on his blog.  As for his comments at the wedding...  I take them to mean that Kory urged Katey to allow him to guide her in choosing her partner, and she agreed.  Maybe he even set her and Jed up.  But...  I’m not at all convinced that he chose Jed without her input, or that she and Jed actually agreed to a ‘betrothal,’ in the sense of vowing to marry as strangers.

Also, one last thing...  Regardless of what Jed + Katey called their relationship, I’m of the opinion that, honestly, it’s basically the same nonsense the Duggars have always practiced.  Betrothal or courtship...  It’s really not that different, in my view.  It’s all based on the same bullshit—namely. twisted gender roles and so–called ‘biblical patriarchy.’  Whether they were ‘arranged,’ or ‘betrothed,’ or whatever, we know the fathers always play a major role.  We know the women always defer to their ‘headship.’  Perhaps Katey + Jed (and Kory) were slightly more overt about it, but that’s it...  Call it Kool–Aid or call it Tang, it’s the same sugary nonsense.

Can I just say as I lay in my husband's arms last night - just held - a husband who has been having some really hard times with his health for the last handful of years - I knew love and safety?

We fight sometimes - fiercely - drive each other completely nuts - don't always agree on parenting - work hard to make it work - have been trying to understand how to fight less and better - with a variety of success.

He's different than me - a very very very intelligent and educated man - older - sporty and tenacious in opposite ways from me.

I'm more sensual and in touch with my body and sexuality. I am very very attracted to my husband and for him that has been a mixed blessing - since sexy stuff has never been a priority for him - whereas for me it is so tied to my daily raison d'être... Oh he is very attracted to me - for which I thank the stars - but it is not something that drives him the way it does me.

Anyways - he knows and is supportive of this crazy little project and I think he even sort of understands. Which has been liberating.

Its odd to be writing about a made up couple - who have been portrayed by real performers - and unlike theatrical characters - unlikely to be played by someone else.

It is odd to be writing about a man who is portrayed by a man who so many clearly find outrageously attractive - who has been in a movie (I haven't seen in full) which was about overt sexuality - that I am personally not particularly attracted to. Which puzzles me. Honnestly? The physical male body I am personally probably most attracted to on CM is Kate's husband.

I am honnestly and unashamedly personally attracted more to the woman I am writing about than the man.

But more than anything, I am more attracted to how these two characters - these two intelligent sensitive valiant brave honorable scarred characters - have the potential to interact. I love this idea of agency. Of choice. Of emotion being compelling and worthy of consideration - just as valid as thought and logic - but also not a force that demands that we abandon choice.

For me it is a feminist point. Women are so often discounted because we are taught to value and respect emotion. Men are taught to suppress it and when they aren't successful are often seen as less than. But the truth is all of us must figure out how we balance emotions and thought and logic and choice. That - that is sexy and invigorating and empowering.

Ok I have no idea what I am trying to say - but I have been musing about these ideas for weeks.

I struggle so much with how to write these stories without objectifying the man or the woman - at least not in a harmful way. Without fetishizing her weight or his race or his fitness or her clear neuro divergence.

I guess what I am trying to express is that sexuality is ok. Not being sexual is ok. Bodies are bodies.

Maybe I am just trying to convince myself.

The work done by the writers who came before me is inspiring and so important. I thank them. I know I am a bit of a strange fish in this pool... Imposing myself perhaps with too much thought - too much hyperfocus - too much intensity....

Not engaging in the ways I have seen codified across this site ...but not because I don't respect and understand or because condemn how others engage...but just because that is not me.

In fact part of me is jealous and wish I could be more fun ...more relaxed... But I am not. And since this is a damn hobby that is getting me through one of the hardest times of my life... I think I need to make up my own rules as I go along.

In real life, I spend a lot of my time modifying my intensity so that I do not overwhelm a space, a conversation, a relationship. Here I won't. I may never post anything that gets more than 20 notes and that is ok. This is for me and the few who find bits and pieces of my offerings interesting or diverting or useful or comforting.

Hope you are well and thank you for reading this weirdo ramble.

I apparently had to vent.

Q&A by request

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?

I’m fine with all of these, if we measure by done the most, couch

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why?

Good, it was in public but not overt or obvious, very fun.

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed?

Thor

4: Something that never fails to make you horny?

tears

5: Where is one place you would never have sex?

a childs bed

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ?

being farted on while going down on someone.

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny?

tears

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]?

i prefer rope for versatility.

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny?

be horny and tell me about how horny you are and what you want to do about it.

10: Top or bottom?

mostly top, but not opposed to bottom 

11: We were about to ____________ but then ______________ [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in]

fuck, the bar opened

12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?

one is never enough but it is always appreciated, necessary ? no, but defiantly preferred. 

13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find? 

panties that were cut off a play partner during a scene. 

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you?

haven’t been called anything i consider weird.

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex?

Giving: like,the way they respond, dislike hair in my teeth.

Receiving : like the look in their eyes. dislike too much teeth.

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you?

nothing i consider weird

17: Have you ever tasted yourself? 

yes, depending on my diet i can be sweet or spicy 

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom?

yes, all things are negotiable.

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

Laura B. ..shes still hot

20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience?

strawberrys or whipped cream

21: How big is too big?

this is a little vague ...6 foot 6, double J ?

22: One sexual thing you would never do?

actual rape

23: Biggest turn on? 

eyes, certain looks 

24: Three spots that drive you insane?

here, there, everywhere.

25: Worst possible time to get horny?

job interview.

26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

love it when it’s genuine, hate it when it’s fake or sounds forced.

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had?

some positions don’t work in small cars.

28: How much fapping is too much fapping?

when you are late to appointments or miss important things to do it. all things in moderation.

29: Best sexual complement you ever got?

No one have ever made me cum like that before.

30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji?

bald is preferred, landing strip can be fun.

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut?

lt’s about the journey not the destination.

32: Fill in the blank: “If they ____________, we are fuckin” 

ask properly lol

33: What your favorite part of your body?

eyes

34: Favorite foreplay activities?

kissing and undressing the other person

35: Love 

not sure what the question is

36: What do you wear to bed?

usually boxers, occasionally nothing

37: When was the first time you masturbated?

ever? 5 or 6 

38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

no, I delete them after.

39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

yes, I love it especially in the rain, its been some years.

40: Have/would you ever have sex outside?

Yes, see 39

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

yes, its been some years, i would consider it but the chemistry would have to be great between everyone involved.

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

back massager

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?

yes

44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

never have but have wanted to for a long time.

45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

The Kiss by Trevor Jones

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

stormy weather

47: Most attractive celebrity?

Christina Ricci

48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

lesbian occasionally

49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now?

two days

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

not that i know of.

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

bad smells

52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?)

yes, no one has mentioned them, i sometimes find them sexy on others.

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

yes, its fun and i like the way they respond.

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

i love tattoos, lets get one together.

55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

It might be fun, i would want to know it if I did.

56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

pizza

57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

i don’t currently have an SO but i have no secrets.

58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)

nipple suckers and nipple clamps, 4 years (depends if BDSM toys count)

59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

sure, see 57

60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

maybe, depends on what they suggest.

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

assuming money and safety are the same, prostitute.

62: Do you watch porn?

yes, not often

63: How small is too small?

for what ? 4 foot ? size 0 ?

64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

yes, getting turned on by tears.

65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

Phoenix, it meant time to have fun.

66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

only if we had the same model phone

67: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

casually yes, don’t care for it at my current job.

68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

i have before.

69: If you could give yourself head, would you?

at least once

70: Booty or Boobs?

boobs if i’m just looking, booty if i want to take them home.

71: If you had a penis, what would you name it?

i do and i have not.

72: Have you ever been on an official date?

yes, but not recently.

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

yes, they regularly accused me of cheating when i wasn't, eventually, i cheated because i was being accused anyway might as well do the crime since i was doing the time.

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

Dr. Steel

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

No, yes as long as they weren’t home.

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

wouldn’t care as long as the sheets were clean when im ready for bed.

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina

that looks interesting...how does it work?

78: If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do?

i have a penis , if i had a vagina .., touch it, put toys in it, find some one to fuck

Thoughts on Scott's Justice League?

So I don’t think we can discuss the current Justice League without bringing up Metal. Not just because it’s essentially the first arc, but because Justice League as a followup to that recontextualizes what it is. Metal, dearly as I love it, does very similar things to plenty of event comics over the last decade: things suddenly go completely to hell in a way that illustrates moral and philosophical failings on the part of our heroes coming to a grotesque head, and it might truly be the end this time until the champions pull through at the last, heralding a bold new age of heroism…and then everything keeps being miserable as shit and we repeat it all next year because the problem persists, still crying out for a symbolic slaying. Metal is that to a T.

Except Snyder along with Tynion actually stuck around to assure the follow-through. And while he’s moved past the sort of overt riffs that defined most of his collaborations with Capullo, what he’s done here fulfills the same promise as their Batman run: lulling a franchise into something noticeably closer to how Grant Morrison’s vision for how it should work, with Snyder’s slicker, more bombastic, action-movie commercial sensibilities succeeding at selling those ideas where Morrison didn’t. Except in this case it isn’t just that Batman’s cool and aspirational. It’s the model for the entirety of DC Comics.

I don’t know that this is the best Justice League thing. It isn’t as perfectly poppy and clever as Morrison’s own JLA or as funny and character-driven as the animated series (the two obvious influences), Orlando’s ersatz effort at handling a side book as if it were made up of A-listers yielded likely more profound results in isolation, and Priest and Woods’ immediately pre-Snyder run was pretty inarguably better put together on a nuts-and-bolts craftsmanship level while also succeeding at making it the ‘serious’ title people had been trying and failing to for years beforehand, making it the perfect final word on that era. But it’s absolutely the story that most potently synthesizes all the stuff that makes the Justice League work in the massive, iconic sense. It’s big threats, it’s inter-team bonding and drama, it’s grand spectacle and mythology and iconography, it’s puzzles the size of the world met with impossible come-from-behind victories, it’s cosmic and moral horror and shining inspiration, it’s Superman punching a fool so hard time explodes.

Let’s hover on the spirit of that last bit for a second. This is the lead book for DC as a lineup in a way Geoff Johns’ Justice League tried and failed to be (in so many ways this feels like what we would have expected a Geoff Johns Justice League run to look like once upon a time - this big loony generative fanboy thing building on the structure of existing mythology and relationships to construct a megaphone to scream the theme through), dictating the direction and tone of the entire line. And the first arc ends with a Flash-powered car driving around the Earth so fast it turns into a White Lantern; later Space Krakens get involved. When Metal came out I said it was impressive that it managed to feel like it had changed everything even though surely it couldn’t have, but now I’m not so certain; we’ve got astro-gorillas in the first issue of Bendis Superman, Morrison’s got Green Lantern, Tom King’s Very Serious Batman involves his parallel universe dad and Kite Man. The rock star spirit Snyder was heralding with Batman and trying to spread to the rest of the line with Metal has at last broken loose, and we’re back into superheroism as the world of the casual ineffable bizarre, the core of the shared DCU headspace huffing nitrous and slamming on the pedal until its heel breaks through the floor as Superman uses his X-ray vision to block an invisible evil galaxy from firing waves of pure self-loathing at Earth until Flash can stand still enough to unlock the true nature of the multiverse as he learned to do from a mean baby wielded against him by a gorilla. Justice Incarnate, this decades’ most perfect encapsulation of everything strange and wonderful about DC that was clearly NEVER going to show up again is now a semi-regular presence, and Justice Legion Alpha apparently aren’t far behind. It’s all odd and beautiful and exciting again, just like we all knew deep down it was always supposed to be.

Outside the context of the DCU as a whole, it’s still a perfect capstone to Snyder’s career. The final transfer from his initial haunted house horrors to roller coaster thrills, and the upscaling of his themes of the aspirations of our best selves vs the primal lure of our worst into the moral axis on which the entire hero/villain dichotomy of DC rests, and literally having who wins the argument determine the death or evolution of all of reality. For me, this is the best incarnation of his old saw, because when it’s framed as being directly placed in the hands of Folks Like Us which kind of world this is going to be, it asks both the moral question AND the interrogation of what kind of power fantasy we actually want the cape-and-tights crowd to represent.

It’s also a capstone in terms of seeing how many artistic prisms his sensibilities can be filtered through, utterly changing the vibe while maintaining the impact, and resulting in easily the best the main Justice League title has ever looked. Jim Cheung’s shining blockbuster theatrics; Francis Manapul’s classical statuesque bombast; Howard Porter sticking his head in as a tip of the hat to the JLA roots; Javier Fernandez’s grungy, inky, yet springy cartoon action fitting the decline of a vibrant superhero universe perfectly; the likes of Doug Mahnke, Mikel Janin, Frazier Irving, and Guillem March doing one-offs and fill-in work; Steven Segovia and Daniel Sampere’s clean, traditional superheroic lines; and the main artist and MVP, Jorge Jimenez, whose energy and acting and velocity and overtly manga-inspired flourish makes it the most purely enjoyable, exciting book about the slow agonizing end of everything that’s ever been put to paper. All fit the tone, all make it their own.

Do I have issues? Certainly. Snyder’s writerly tics are still present (though offloading a lot of the monologuing to third-person narration has I think helped enormously), giving Tynion and his more character-centric work a foothold on the villainous issues - and for that matter giving them far more standalone character pieces than the heroes - makes it unintentionally feel like their argument hold primacy, a handful of members are characterized somewhat generically (particularly Wonder Woman, which is a surprising shame given she’s who Snyder has mostly talked about writing next), and likely a few other quibbles I could think of. But by and large, this remains one of the best titles on the stands: the collective scope of the DCU, all the sprawling universe-shaking structures and dopey detritus, smashing its biggest most meaningful toys up against one another for the fate of everything but EVERYTHING, where the soul of any given schlub on the street is going to determine the destiny of the multiverse. It’s not the singular best DC (though it’s proudly part of the best-of-DC crowd), but by god, it’s going to be the singular MOST DC or it is going to burn the world down trying.

NICOLAS ROSALES [BENJAMIN WADSWORTH] is a SENIOR at Broadripple Academy. He is 17 years old, from DARIEN, CT and has been at Broadripple Academy for 1 year. 

STUDENT FILE

Full Name: Nicolas Santiago Rocio Rosales Nicknames: Nico, Nic Scratch, Saint Nic, Rosales Age:17 Gender: Male Pronouns: He/Him Sexuality: Homosexual Date of Birth: May 4th, 2001 Place of Birth: NYC, New York Hometown: Darien, Connecticut Ethnicity: Mexican/Native American/Caucasian Languages: English & Spanish Nationality: American Religion: Catholic

Height: 5′10″ Weight: 151 lbs Hair Color: Dark Brown Eye Color: Dark Brown Body Type: Muscular/Athletic Piercings: None Tattoos: Brushstroke Crosses going down his left side Scars: Small Scar on his Right Eyebrow, Scarred Knuckles Drug Use: Prescriptions Only (May include Adderall and Oxycontin) Smoker: Yes (Cigarette’s Only) Drinker: Rarely (Extreme Duress Only)

House Team: Seton Dormitory: Bart Wing (B4) Grade: 12 (Senior) Aspirations: Undecided Clubs: Cinema Club Sports: Lacrosse (Midfielder) & Field Hockey (Midfielder) Interests: Art, Horror, Fist-fighting

BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION

Lives In: Darien, Connecticut Lives With: Father & Mother (Married) Siblings: None Relationship Status: Single

Full Bio

Distant but loving parents. Father is the CFO of a construction company that works out of New York. Is frequently not in Connecticut. Mother is a Producer for Darien’s local news station. Is frequently working long hours and cannot be disturbed.

Nico was raised primarily by his nanny, Lulu, whom he calls his abuela even though they aren’t related. She instilled in him a love of bright colors and haunted house tv shows.

Nico was diagnosed with chronic anxiety disorder when he was 13 and suffers from very acute amounts of mania related to it. Nico repeatedly threw out or hid his meds, hating to be on them.

Nico began to pick fights in school to shut up his anxiety. It caused him to be softly expelled (read; asked to leave unofficially) from about a school a year since he was 14. Eventually his parents decided they couldn’t handle him and had him choose a boarding school. He picked Broadripple due to its age and haunted appeal. Plus it was one of the few schools that would not accept the donations of his parents. He had to actually work to get in. Nico transferred to Broadripple halfway through last year. People gossiped about what happened.

Nico likes exploring Broadripple and its grounds after hours. Both the ‘illegal’ nature of breaking curfew and the potential for a haunting add to the thrill.

PERSONALITY INFORMATION

Zodiac Sign: Taurus Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff Meyers-Briggs Type: The Logistician (ISTJ-T) 49 Archetypes: The Anchor

Nico is a reserved individual, keeping his feelings close to his chest, but he is not shy and will happily make friends with anyone. He tends to hold no overt prejudices in regards to race, color, socio-economic status, or intelligence. He is introverted to a point, requiring alone time after stressful or very social interactions. He tends to calm down by drawing or watching ‘A Haunting’ type tv shows or horror movies.

Nico has a positive self image, and is not afraid to show off his body. He tends to sleep with very little clothing on, takes his shirt off when he goes swimming, is okay with communal showers, etc. His insecurities tend to lie mentally, where he suffers from anxiety about most things, tends to crack under pressure, and avoids talking his or anyone else’s feelings if at all possible. Nico is not the shoulder you cry on, although he is a great listener when you need to bounce ideas about what to do next.

Nico holds grudges and hates change. He tries to keep and stick to routines and schedules, and tends to get easily frazzled when something happens he did not plan for. He’s not a good improviser or liar, and tends to be very blunt as a result. He hates surprises and has intense social anxiety over things like ‘we need to talk’ given without context.

Nico has a very dry sense of humor. He doesn’t laugh out loud often and things he finds funny he’ll continue to bring up weeks after the fact as subtly and understated as possible. Most of Nico is understated. He’ll usually do so to keep other people from feeling bad either about his injuries or because he did better than them on a test.

Nico is smart. Straight A’s no studying smart. He doesn’t tell anyone this, and lets them all assume that he gets by with middling Bs and Cs. He has no reason to correct them. In classes he feigns disinterest, but loves History, Social Studies, English, and Art. He doesn’t do well in math, however, and there his C average is the truth.

Nico smokes cigarettes and take prescription pills when needed. But he doesn’t do hard drugs or smoke weed. He also rarely drinks, if ever. Usually alcohol is to numb a VERY bad day. So if he’s drinking there is something seriously wrong that he’s not telling anyone, although he’ll usually talk about it once he’s drunk. Or just pick a fight.

Nico likes fighting. It makes him feel alive. His fights aren’t based on anger or malice, but he will pick them with people he knows are prone to combat. Sometimes he schedules fights and bets on them, but most of his fights are spontaneous, done because he had a terrible day and his anxiety is driving him nuts. Emotions are hard to deal with. Black eyes are simpler. So he usually exchanges one for the other.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

Nico has no immediate wanted connections outside of a stable friend group for him to blend in with, some people who also like art and/or horror films, or people to fight with on a regular basis. Feel free to come directly to me to plot connections, as Nico is part of a few sports teams, a couple clubs, and is overall a friendly fellow who likely met your muse someplace in the year that he’s been at Broadripple.

Nico is open for some romantic interactions, but he’s homosexual and is currently single, so any plotting would be for the future, not for any currently established or pre-plotted romances (unless you have an idea, in which case, pitch it).

Episode 73: Too Far

“I hope you understand. I want to understand.”

Pearl might have a flair for big dramatic moments of antagonism, but on a day-to-day basis, Amethyst has always been the meanest Crystal Gem. This doesn’t mean she’s cruel, as this is a fundamentally sweet show, but it’s not nothing. Her tough exterior can lead to gruffness, her sensitivity can make her lash out, and she’s a lovable goon even on a good day, reveling in teasing Steven and getting a rise out of Pearl. She’s the friend that always remembers to punch you on your birthday.

I say this because we’re meant to empathize with Amethyst when Peridot merrily needles at all of her insecurities. And I do! The last thing Amethyst needs is for a certified Kindergartener to confirm that she literally came out wrong. She should be a massive brute with a body that matches her attitude, but in her runty frame, all that berserker energy comes off as scrappiness instead. We’ve really gotten to know Amethyst by now, and seeing Peridot dismantle the self-esteem she’s been building up since Reformed is rough stuff. 

Buuuuut yeah this is Amethyst’s fault.

Amethyst spends the first half of Too Far making fun of Peridot. The intent here is debatable: an ungenerous reading could say that Amethyst is straight-up bullying her, but I doubt that’s what she meant to do. I’m pretty sure she’s just joshing around like she always does, and this is her teasing olive branch. But regardless of intent, look at this from Peridot’s point of view. She’s a captive of a planet that’s doomed to explode and is stuck working with a team that she’s been fighting until very recently. The leader of this team just put her on a leash, and one of its members is laughing at the way she talks. When they get to Kindergarten, Amethyst calls her a nerd, and even if she doesn’t know what the word is, she shows that she doesn’t like it. Peridot is then incited to roast Garnet and Steven, which earns laughter and starry-eyed approval. 

So we’ve got this hyper-literal stranger who knows she’s being teased, but is also getting laughter for saying what she feels, and gets even more laughter when she bluntly assesses two of Amethyst’s friends, one of whom is right there with them. Why would Peridot think that Amethyst would get upset by continuing these analyses? Especially because she's saying what she thinks are nice things about Amethyst at first.

Based on the model for friendship that Amethyst has presented, Peridot is doing the right thing. Then Amethyst changes the rules, Peridot doesn’t understand, and at the end of the episode she’s made to apologize. But Amethyst, for whatever reason, is not.

Peridot is hardly pure and innocent. The reason she was tied up in the first place was her overt fusionphobia, and even if a bigot doesn’t understand that their toxic views are wrong, it doesn’t excuse harmful behavior. (They should also be educated, but we’ll get to that in Log Date 7 15 2.) She hasn’t learned her lesson from Back to the Barn, and only reluctantly acknowledges Pearl’s skills. She’s still ornery and is still coming off many, many episodes of being the bad guy.

But it’s made very clear that Peridot doesn’t understand basic things about Earth—that’s the whole impetus for Amethyst messing with her—so it’s super unfair to expect her to understand the nuance of Amethyst’s capricious enjoyment of mean humor. And it’s okay that Amethyst is unfair about this. It’s totally within her character to be hypocritical about this. But that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t apologize for her part of this conflict, and teach all the little Amethysts watching that if your language of friendship is light bullying, you better be able to take what you dish out.

Okay, so that’s my big gripe with Too Far, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the episode. Even if it doesn’t stick the landing, there’s some terrific character work for Peridot and Amethyst here. Peridot gets a lot more to do, because she’s the one who’s allowed to grow here, but I like how Amethyst gets uncomfortable even when Peridot is praising her as “the only Crystal Gem that’s actually a Gem,” as anything that makes her stick out of place among her family is unwelcome attention. And her ensuing bad mood is played just right: she’s not having a meltdown, she’s just a sullen teenager. Peridot will appreciate the practice when Lapis comes to town.

But yeah, in terms of growth this is Peridot’s episode through and through. It includes the first appearance of her tape recorder, which allows us an unprecedented level of narration on this voiceover-free show, and this stream-of-consciousness helps quickly develop her in a way that other characters, who’ve had seventy-odd episodes to burn, haven’t needed. It’s our first look into Peridot as a new source of metacommentary, starting with her legendary description of Pearl’s main activities: “Singing, crying, singing while crying.” She’s starting to settle in and care about what the Crystal Gems think, and it’s cool to see her actually being helpful instead of projecting competence to spite Pearl: taking a drillhead from an injector is a good idea!

I think the coolest thing about this episode is how her desire to please Amethyst gets extra context from Message Received, where we see just how seriously she takes the hierarchy of Homeworld. Her reverence for Yellow Diamond shows that she’s as invested in being a subordinate as she is in lording over Pearl: the notion that every Gem has her place is Peridot’s gospel, so of course she sees Amethyst as “the best Gem here” compared to a pearl, a fusion, a hybrid freak, and a lowly peridot. Even without her explicitly talking about Amethyst’s rank, we see Peridot trying to get on her good side in a way she never does with any other Crystal Gem, Steven included. Then the same behavior is seen when the Ruby Squad mistakes Amethyst for Jasper in Back to the Moon, further making sense of Peridot’s deference. This is the sort of thing that makes rewatches so fun.

Despite Amethyst mostly being the cause of the episode’s conflict and a springboard for Peridot to change, we get a lot of groundwork here for her future. It takes a while for her Season 2/3 arc to really rev up: by the time we get to the meat of it in Crack the Whip, Garnet’s and Pearl’s are long done, even though Amethyst’s actually starts first (Reformed barely precedes Sworn to the Sword and Keeping It Together). But I sort of love that. Because as we learn in Too Far, her issues largely stem from arriving late.

The episode wisely avoids direct comparisons to Jasper, even if it’s easy to leap to that image when Peridot describes the ideal quartz. We also don’t mention an even more obvious comparison, Rose Quartz, whose class is in her name and who we know was gigantic (even though Pink wasn’t a true quartz and was several times larger than the new form she chose). Instead, the knowledge of what these bigger Gems are “supposed” to look like is a ticking time bomb for Amethyst’s self-image, which wasn’t great to begin with. There’s way too much to deal with right now to delve too deeply, but it’s nice to have Too Far set things up here so Amethyst’s inevitable breakdown isn’t out of nowhere.

Garnet is fantastic, obviously. She’s efficiently used for humor and has room for a badass character moment that’s just the right amount of petty. Pearl is in full work mode, so of course she gets a small freak-out, but her understated competence continues to nicely contrast Peridot’s intensity.

Steven is ever-attentive in his new job as Peridot’s Earth Coach, which honestly does give an in-universe reason for her one-sided apology; I’m sure Amethyst would’ve seen the error of her ways if the show’s conscience was hanging out with her instead. I love that the emotion he coaxes out of Peridot is “smallness,” because that’s how she’s conditioned to see the universe. Big Gems are important, small Gems aren’t. There are obviously exceptions (pearls are tall, if reedy), but Steven allows her to express herself in her own terms while Amethyst teases her for it. Yes, he still laughs along with Amethyst, because he’s not perfect and also is a kid, but his empathy is what allows for their stirring final exchange.

It is big of Peridot to admit that she’s wrong, even if she needs to take baby steps like a prerecorded message to do it. She’s still learning. For me, her apology is what confirms that she has potential as a Crystal Gem, and not just as a friend of Steven’s. It took a couple episodes, but Peridot has gone from experiencing Steven’s overtures of friendship to trying them out for herself. Despite some great storytelling to make us doubt her as the season nears its end, the damage is already done, and her heart has been exposed. She even gets a little moment of star-like hair, which I doubt was the intent, but I love it!

(But guh just apologize already Amethyst. Drives me nuts.)

Future Vision!

Man, Peridot would’ve had a way easier time getting tools from her leash’s radius if she had some sort of, I dunno, metal powers or something.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

Florido’s High School AU is our main promo art once again; I love the little touch that they’re fighting in the AV room. And that Pearl is the one who went off to tell an adult. What a narc.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

There’s so much good here, but sorry, I do think it’s really important that all the Amethyst-like kids out there see a story where they’re actually held accountable for their unintentional riling. So it ranks a little low, but not too far down. 

(Not as good as Steven’s drill pun, but what is?) 

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Winter Forecast

When It Rains

Catch and Release

Chille Tid

Keeping It Together

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

We Need to Talk

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

Thoughts on a Human Warriors AU?

This is mostly me just having no life and no ability to channel my ideas into art sooo now Im thinking of random AU and RP possibilities.

At one point I roleplayed on a site and they did an AU which ended up getting its own site, where each clan became a gang in a postapocalyptic city.

My favorite possibility, is rival Noble houses, or clans of the same family, with outsiders who are married, adopted, or brought in. They basically fight for power in a city state where there is a monarch who has just enough power to play them off each other.

So if we go with the canon clans you have the Clan of the River (or the Sea if I made it the way I want to), the Clan of Thunder, the Clan of Shadows, and the Clan of the Wind. Or I could go with giving them names like Clan Umbra (shadow), Clan Fulmen (Lightning, light, flash), Clan Mare (Sea), and Clan Ventus. Potentially the monarch could be the head of Clan Caelum (Sky).

I spent way too long thinking about this so umm, maybe have a read more? So people who only want warrior cats wont hate me XD But hey if you’re interested keep reading!

Anyway, each clan is known for their “thing.” 

Mare controls the docks and sea around the city state, and are the masters of the navy (and also pirates to any ship which doesnt have a shipping agreement with them, which drives other clans nuts when they dont want to pay tariffs for shipments and try to get around them). Mare is known for shrewd and clever dealing with others, but also underhanded methods. Their youth are encouraged to run wild and get rid of their energy and resentment to better serve the family as adults. They specialize in the navy and ships.

Umbra supposedly controls the information flow for the city, but ultimately Umbra basically is the criminal underground, and you cant really be a criminal without Umbra’s approval, or without working directly with them. Umbra has its fingers in every pie, but very few overt resources to make power plays. Their youth is spent hidden in plain sight, as spies for their elders. After all who pays attention to a child or a teenager. They specialize in assassinations, covert operations.

Clan Fulmen is the science area, and are known for messing around with things they REALLY SHOULDNT. They are the only Clan that uses gunpowder weaponry, and their youth are known for being arrogant and daredevil, because they believe that they are superior to the other clans intellectually. They specialize in big flashy powerful displays of weaponry.

Clan Ventus is known for their carefree nature, and their defense of the outer areas of the city. They have hot air balloons which watch over the city, and much of the borders of the city are manned by their people. Their young people are encouraged to go on journeys of self discovery, to learn through personal experience. They specialize in adapting to new situations, and pick up new skills well, and among their skill sets include survival in the wild, and interaction with animals such as horses, dogs, and other animals used in farming and husbandry.

Clan Caelum protects the Monarch. They are made up of original clan members, usually those closely related to the monarch, and any people from other clans who have married into the clan. This clan is the most likely to recruit from outside its ranks through merit and trust to build and protect the city in a form of police force and secret service for the Monarch. Their youth spend their apprentice years working hard to prove themselves worthy of the respect of their elders and become officers in the corp of troops. They specialize in martial arts and weapons and are formidable fighters.

Why the heck am I still doing this I need to get a life.

They have their own form of a warrior code, and there are still parts of it that remain, particularly the rule about children. A lot of it is adapted of course but its still a code of honor.

Another thing which unites them is their religious beliefs. There is a temple which has a groups of priests? Oracles? Some form of religious people. And they teach that the clans were chosen from the beginning of time, and that those who live extraordinary lives, or something I dont know, will one day move on to the Starry Halls. Yeah this section is still sketchy.

Anyway, I dont know, I love working with fun possibilities and I love human warrior Aus.

Anyone want to plot with me? Maybe an rp? 

PART 4

Utena has turned into a car.

I think it is incumbent on the viewer at this point to try to unravel both why this makes sense as a gesture and why it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Point 1: It’s a magical girl transformation sequence.  Ikuhara, having worked on Sailor Moon, knows all about this stuff.  The beats of a transformation sequence are as follows: upon activation of an arcane device, a girl loses all her clothes and emerges clad in fetish gear.  The ideal transformation sequence from a commercial perspective ends up with a girl wearing an outfit which appeals as much to young girls as it does to grown men.   As has previously been established, grown men like cars – but this car is hot pink, shaped like a uterus and is trying as hard as it can to be a horse.  Or two horses.   It is a “car” in the same sense that Sailor Moon is a “high school girl”.   It has been optimized to serve all of the needs of the academy at once.

Point 2:  What we are dramatizing here is the fact that despite her avowed wish to leave the academy Utena has still been socialized in patriarchy and therefore cannot fully transcend her status as a player of the academy’s game.   When she took Anthy’s hand and led her in the general direction of “out” she was still playing prince, saving the damsel in distress.  This gesture does not work because the academy owns it.   When she attempts it, she is revealed as what the academy forces her to be: an object.  An exciting, ambiguously-gendered object, admittedly, an object which is absolutely up to date and this year’s model, but an object that is nonetheless made to please a particular audience.  As long as Utena can still be the receptacle of male fantasy – as prince or princess – the story cannot work.

Point 3: Back in the old academy Anthy’s role in the final confrontation was to get stabbed a whole lot and lie in a coffin.   Of course, something important and transformative did take place there, and the gesture that changed the academy did come from Anthy in the end; but she didn’t look cool doing it.  Utena did all of the on-screen work.   If Anthy is retelling the story here she wants to emphasize that despite all of Utena’s princely self-sacrifice the most difficult thing anyone did in that room was reach out of that coffin.  She also wants to emphasize that she’s the top.

Akio killed himself earlier because he was unable to find his “key”.  He lost it when he realized that Anthy was, if not enjoying herself, at least tacitly “consenting” to what he had been doing to her, which was, as far as he was concerned, not nearly as hot as the whole drugged princess routine. Anthy, however, already has Utena’s key. Get it?  What we are emphasizing here, in case anyone got the wrong idea from the TV-mandated chasteness of the original series, is that queer desire is actually an integral part of the revolutionary moment.  Anthy is able to go through with this because she really, sincerely wants to fuck Utena’s brains out.

So Utena’s sex car is saved from rusting away from disuse.   The shadow puppet girls arrive to give Ikuhara’s old buddy Anno a shout-out and the race is on.

It’s worth considering whether there might have been a way to do the car metaphor without going full bananas zany with it – whether we might have found some kind of tonal harmony between Touga in the cabbage patch and Anthy in the driver’s seat.    It would probably not have worked but I would have loved to see an attempt.  As it is, the narrator has gone manic and we are flying, buddy, we are up in the clouds.

The shadow puppet girls (who apparently all have pink hair in this universe – emphasizing their artificiality, I suspect) complete their setup and a new challenger enters the race.

Shiori’s car looks kind of like Soundwave from Transformers.  I always liked Soundwave.  Her car is also considerably more phallic than Utena’s, having as it does a cycloptic bull for a figurehead.   Shiori is acting as an agent of the academy here simply by making this a race, rather than an obstacle course - the idea that only one special person gets to leave the academy at a time plays right into the prince/princess narrative.  It’s not a part of the story that Anthy particularly wants to dispel, either, which may be telling.

Shiori says the line of century, which I’m going to render literally for maximum effect: “It’s a big mistake to think that you were the only one who was able to turn into a car.”

Behind the bull Shiori is a big ol’ Chrysler station wagon with frilly upholstery. She underscores the crabs in a bucket motif by saying that only she is cool enough to do something as neat as escaping the world before crashing into a retaining wall and exploding in a completely unforced error, which makes sense when you consider that nobody’s driving her.

Anthy has a nasty sense of humor.

Next up are the thousand drone tanks of the world’s resentment.  The jokes are flying thick and fast now – the shadow puppet girls pick up the encroaching horde on a “vegetable scanner” which superimposes the danger on a picture of a salad, and the three filler dudes who were so fillery that I never mentioned them once in my recap of the original series show up with radar guns. The drone horde also makes a lot of really high-pitched honking sounds.  The director wants us to know that he knows that this is stupid.  The viewer may well ask what all that trauma from before was about, in that case, but there’s no time, the drones are attacking.

Utena’s chassis is effed up in much the same way that her uniform was back when she fought Touga that one time.  Like the opening theme says: “what I want is to find my place in life and my self-worth, taking who I've been up until today and heroically stripping her down until she's bare, like the roses whirling in freedom.”  Cast off that magical girl fetish gear, and be free!  And nude. While we continue to film you.  Trust us, it’s all very liberating.

Just as our heroes are about to be splatted by the biggest drone of them all, a tow hook shoots out from nowhere.  It’s our heroes’ friends!   Or… people who we can assume they made friends with, off screen, at some point!

Ikuhara shouting in the distance: “Oh, the whole bandminton game thing was too subtle for you, huh?  Need to have everything spelled out for you, huh? FINE”

They are driving Wakaba, a Jeep.  (The utility vehicle is truly the plain friend of the motorsports world.)  Explaining their presence, Juri says that high ideals attract noble companions. (I like overtly conceited Juri, and wish her incarnation from the original academy had had a little bit more of that going on.)  Miki tells Anthy that they will definitely follow her outside at some point.  I do not believe him.

The final challenge approaches.  It’s a giant Disney castle on wheels.

Thanks, Ikuhara.  I am beginning to see a Point 4 emerging to complement points 1 through 3 above, straight from the director: “If I make this as shiny, noisy and overt as possible, maybe you idiots will pay attention this time.”

The castle hoves massively into the lane in front of them as somewhere in the distance the bongo player goes nuts.   The shadow puppet girls implore Anthy to turn around and head back, but she’s not running anymore.  Suddenly, the car is wearing a dress.  Car Utena gets a secondary transformation - like, that wasn’t even her final form – like, you got your DBZ in my Sailor Moon, you got your Sailor Moon in my DBZ – like, we are now somehow even more uterus-shaped –

The extended dance mix of Rinbu Revolution starts playing, and let me just say that it is an incongruous choice for a car chase/demolition derby.  Anthy makes it through the castle, to general rejoicing, but there remains one final obstacle.

Point 5: to make all this masculine bullshit appear as silly as possible.

Akio tells Anthy that if she goes out there all she’s going to find is the end of the world.  Which is true, of course – the point of the whole castle palaver, the point of all this fetishizing of youth and innocence, is to keep death at bay.    If you can’t grow, you can’t die; but of course if you can’t grow, you can’t live, either. 

Akio tells Anthy to go back to being a living corpse.  (He can’t find his key, otherwise.)  Anthy tells him to fuck off so he squeezes them between some giant tank treads.

 Utena there, getting denuded again, of course.

Then this happens.

The prince is very, very dead.  The castle collapses in a hail of rose petals and eurodisco.  The shadow puppet girls lose their animating essence and become straw dolls named “Tenjou Utena” and “Himemiya Anthy.”  Cause they were puppets the whole time, see?

“Real” Anthy and “Real” Utena chat about how there are no roads in the outside world and so they will have to make one themselves.  They say this as they are literally driving on a road.   Still on screen and still being filmed, the two girls recline naked on a speeding motorcycle and make out, as you do once you have been freed from the male gaze.  

We end on a shot of another castle in the distance, which seems like a hopeful sign but should be the most ominous fucking thing in the world, if you’ve been paying attention.

The only possible conclusion is that they have not actually escaped.

In the end I can only interpret the last act of this movie as a titanic shrugging of the shoulders, an admission of a failure to envision what escape from this milieu actually looks like.  In this failure it invited other authors to take a crack at the same problem using the same kind of symbol language, which is how we got Madoka and its “let’s reframe choosing to be the Bride, who is still absolutely necessary to the functioning of the universe, as a revolutionary act in and of itself” thesis, among other things.   Ikuhara has a lot to answer for.

The problem of course is that a genuine escape from the academy should probably not be written by someone who has a vested interest in the academy’s continued existence; and so I think if anyone does end up writing the Utena story with an ending that works, it won’t be Ikuhara, or, not to put too fine a point on it, dudes generally.

Then again it’s possible that outside the academy there are things besides writing and rewriting the same old story to worry about.

Knight & Megapon Ants

Knight ants are a special caste of ants dedicated to defending their colony’s home.  They grow particularly wide heads to protect their colonymates, who also benefit from the greater coordination signaled by the knight ants’ pheromones.  

Megapon ants, meanwhile, have the rare distinction of being (in the editions I own, anyway) the only Bestiary species I’ve seen to not merit a description. (Heck, I can’t even Google a good definition for megapon.)  But at CR 6, they’re nothing to sneeze at; they can carry prodigious amounts of weight; and their Strength-sapping poison suggests the sting of a fire ant or some aggressive, prehistoric lineage.

A clan of dwarves uses alchemical scents to tame and coax behaviors out of their ant livestock.  A local war calls most of the clan elders away from the hold, and when they return they discover that the artificial scents have spoiled.  Their knight ant guards now bar the way to the lower levels, no longer recognizing the dwarves as friends.

A martial arts master with some training as a druid believes in basing his forms and stances off of those in nature.  In order to learn his specialized skills (in game terms, teamwork feats), adventurers must study knight ants in the tunnels of their hill—without killing a single one.

Adventurers are racing through the canopy of the great god’s-home trees, fleeing cannibals hot on their trail.  They come across a column of megapon ants using their bodies to create a bridge for themselves and their giant aphid thralls.  If the adventurers can find a way to sneak across the ant bridge, they will easily lose their pursuers.  Otherwise they might have to fight the enormous ants and the kuru-maddened cannibals at the same time.

—Pathfinder Bestiary 5 27

I recently relistened to the audiobook version of Susanna Clarke’s Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, read by the outstanding Simon Prebble.  I first listened to it during a massive, speeding ticket-filled, two-day road trip from San Francisco to Portland via Crater Lake several years ago.  I’m happy to say I loved it then—so much so that in my hunger for more I discovered Naomi Novik’s Temeraire series and Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey–Maturin books—and I loved it now—so much so that I accrued $28 in overdue fines because I had other books checked out and didn’t want to give any of them back.  (If you throw in the speeding tickets, that’s compelling evidence that good books make me make bad choices, apparently.)

JS&MN truly is an extraordinary book—all the more so because it’s a first novel.  (Neil Gaiman’s quote about a fragment from one of Clarke’s early drafts—“It was like watching someone sit down to play the piano for the first time and she plays a sonata”—still holds up.)  The true-to-the-1800s language, the sense of place, and the treatment of academic arguments as being as important as a battle are nearly perfect.  I love the characters; I love the world; I love the faerie lore; I love almost everything.

Because I love it so much, certain things still drive me nuts.  Most of these little things are insufficiently answered (to my mind, at least) questions or breakdowns in verisimilitude: How can Mr Norrell justify obstructing the progress of all other magicians if he publicly claims to want to restore English magic…why does Childermass remain with Mr Norrell for so long even after the meanness of his master’s character is revealed…why do Lady Pole and Stephen Strange’s maladies go so long undiagnosed, even with a faerie glamour to blame…things like that.  In reality, the book may be better for not answering these questions, but they still leave me fidgety with agitation.

A second listen did also confirm a major beef I had the first time I listened to it, though: It is a figure eight of a work, its whole shape constantly circling around two black holes of noninformation.  

The first is that the actual working of magic is barely shown and never explained.  Clarke has said that she “really like[s] magicians,” but weirdly she seems willing to gloss over the magic they do almost entirely. (Early in the book this is amusing—even the characters are impatient to see magic done—but by 2/3s of the way in it’s infuriatingly coy.)  We almost never get a sense of how it feels for the magicians to do magic, or why these two men have succeeded where almost no one else has.  (That they were prophesied doesn’t cut it.)  It’s a staggeringly strange omission, especially to a fantasy fan audience used to reading about how it feels to come into one’s power, whatever that power may be.  Strange in particular stumbles into magic and then the narrative curtain closes; when it reopens he is already a thaumaturgical Mozart.  That is, as the South Park kids would say, some total BS right there.

The second problem is that this is a work of alternate history that refuses to share its alternate history.  True, the novel purports to be written by someone from Strange’s acquaintance only a generation or so later, so much of this knowledge is assumed to be held by the reader.  But despite all its many, many, many footnotes, the book barely gives us a coherent alternate timeline, and so much of how the novel’s history diverges from our own is unclear.  (For comparison, Philip K. Dick is a downright clumsy author compared to Clarke, but I can tell you more about the history of Man in the High Castle, and it’s a mere pamphlet next to the Bible-fat JS&MN.)  I don't need much more detail, but I do need more.

Worse yet, not only has Clarke created a fictional northern England with a fictional Raven King that we don't know enough about, but she also seems to have fallen a little in love with him. (Strong evidence of this is that the characters positively won’t shut up about him; he even gives his name to the novel’s third act.)  It is dangerous to fall in love with fictional people or settings, and doing so is a surefire way to undermine the story.  (Notice, for instance, how Tolkien burns the Shire, and how J. K. Rowling—whose writerly smarts are often underrated—is careful to get her characters out of Hogwarts after the love letter to it that is The Order of the Phoenix.  Now compare that to, say, The Name of the Wind, which struck me as loving its central character just a bit too much, or the insufferable anime Clamp School Detectives, whose love for its own impossible setting is a veritable fountain of onanism (see what I did there?) that eventually feels like a taunt to the viewer who will never attend there. You can’t love your fictional children too hard, and Clarke loves John Uskglass.

So as I said, a great novel, but a figure eight thanks to these two crucial holes.  Do not under *any* circumstances let these prevent you from reading it though!

Unfortunately, a new qualm came up as I was listening this time: the novel’s hagiography of Englishness. In a 2005 interview with Locus, Susanna Clarke practically quoted Tolkien word for word in her lament that England did not have a myth of its own. (Sidebar: English culture is odd in that its most famous legend, Beowulf, takes place in Denmark, a divorce of a people from its mythic geography that seems to really bother certain writers.  In fact, this lack is responsible for both The Silmarillion and JS&MN.  King Arthur doesn’t work for them for some reason; he’s either too British rather than English—a distinction too arcane for my American mind, but there it is—or too Welsh, and his legend has definitely become too French.  Robin Hood doesn’t work either, for some reason, despite his being safely nestled in the East Midlands.  The tl;dr of all this is that there is no understanding the English mythic imagination when you’re a fat Yank git.)  So Clarke fills JS&MN with her love for England—its people, its cities, and its countryside, especially the North, where she revels in its preindustrial wildness.  And Englishness as a laudatory attribute fills nearly every page.  (More on this can be found over on Wikipedia, but don’t go there until you’ve read/listened to the book, because it’s spoiler central.)

The thing is though, Clarke is smart enough to know that glorifying England, Englishness, Englishmen (emphasis on the “men” there), and king/queen and country has caused a lot of pain for other folks in the world.  So she works very hard to undercut this worship of Englishness, giving strong roles to women, nonwhite, and poor characters, and amplifying their voicelessness in the society of that time through the narrative.  It’s all a genius balancing act, and it all serves to intentionally undercut and deflate the project of England worship that the novel is busily engaged in…

…And yet, Englishness, in the end, wins out.  England remains the hero.  The English countryside itself is instrumental in turning the tide in the final encounter.  Lovely, lush, green, hilly, moor-covered England is still the hero.

Which should be all well and good, but…  Well, I’m just not on board with cheering for England right now. 

I’m a Top Gear fan.  And I watched Jeremy Clarkson’s no-one-is-better-than-us casual racism—as an American I’m spared the overt racism of his other appearances—wax stronger with every season, slowly curdling my affection.  And I watched Brexit throw my expatriate scientist friends’ careers into a tumult and imperil their research.  It was also, more to the point, a triumph of Englishness over the needs of Britishness.  

And here on this side of the pond, I’ve watched a similar dynamic play out, as many Americans have taken to celebrating America—or at least, their mean, small-minded, and resentful notion of it—to the point that pride of place and race have become more important than the principals that make America work.

So I still love JS&MN.  And I think you should read and even love JS&MN.  And zero of what I’ve said in the previous two paragraphs is Susanna Clarke’s fault.  But in JS&MN, a country is a character—the protagonist even. And right now, in 2017, loving a place more than people doesn’t feel that good.

So I’m going to return JS&MN back to the library for another 7 years or so, or maybe for longer.  And the next time I get it out, I hope I’ve fallen back in love with England and America.

Because that is the magic I most want to see.

The overt theme of episode 2 is protection of loved ones and how that’s best accomplished. Do you tell all and keep them close? Do you keep secrets and keep them at a distance? Do you lose hope and give up on life? Do you become so overprotective that you’re willing to cross any line to protect your own?

Do you stick your head in the sand and pretend the crisis isn’t happening for as long as you possibly can?

That’s the choice of most of the British people, as Elaine has the Hard Sun story published, but MI5 quickly has it debunked as a hoax. Elaine and Charlie are now relatively safe, but left with the underlying theme of the night, paranoia. The paranoia theme is really the stronger theme, since Elaine and Charlie don’t trust each other, Charlie’s family life is strained, Daniel is spiraling again, Grace continues to stalk them, and there’s a new serial killer on the lose, inspired by the Hard Sun story.

The cinematography is very Hitchcockian, with odd camera angles and shadows that distort people and make locations look sinister. Elaine and Charlie spend a lot of time looking sideways at each other, instead of straight on, slyly trying to determine if the other can be trusted, or if they can get away with their next lie. There’s a strange glow to the light, reminding us at all times that the Hard Sun is coming, and the changes have already begun.

The villain of the week looks like Harry Potter’s friend Hagrid gone bad, grimacing insanely at everyone he encounters. He even goes to Hagrid’s isolated cottage in the country. We’re reminded that a friendly giant turned into a scared, violent ogre is only the beginning of the troubles ahead.

The episode opens with Charlie calling Grace back to tell her that he couldn’t get the flash drive from Elaine. Grace apologizes, politely informing him that she won’t be able to help him, and a black car speeds up the block toward him. MI5 has known where they were since his first phone call, maybe since they accessed the file.

Charlie tries to run, but he can’t outrun goons and a car on no sleep for the second night in a row. They catch him and take him to a derelict building to meet Grace for a little interrogation, intimidation and torture. He’s zip tied to a plastic chair and Grace makes her entrance.

Meanwhile, Elaine finds reporter Will Benedetti at the Paladin Group. She plays the file for him and explains that she’s just ruined his life without his permission. Elaine doesn’t give a crap about informed consent when it comes to staying alive and serving the greater good. Will agrees to write the story. They clear out of the Paladin Group offices and Elaine gives him almost the entire file. She holds some back to use as leverage.

Grace tries to intimidate Charlie into giving her the file or giving up Elaine. He would easily do either, and tells her so, but he can’t. He’s been physically beaten on the way to Grace’s hide out, so the next step is for Grace to politely ask Charlie to not “make” her hurt his family. She shows him Simone on her laptop screen, through a view that could only be seen from Simone’s laptop camera.

Grace asks Charlie why he’d want to unleash the knowledge in the Hard Sun file into the world, with all of the craziness it would bring. She wants him to help his family by giving her what she wants. When he tells her, again, that he can’t, she tells her people to start with Simone. Charlie reminds her that Simone is pregnant, and Grace says, “Not for long.” Her goons pretend to be police officers sent to pick Simone up. With a husband who’s a cop, Simone doesn’t question them.

Grace orders her goons to kill Simone just as Elaine records and transmits a video letting the world and MI5 know that the Hard Sun file is somewhere safe, and Renko is taking care of her people as well. She announces that the story is about to be published in a newspaper. Grace calls off the hit on Simone, then has her people figure out which newspaper has accessed the file. They figure out that it’s the Paladin Group, but Benedetti isn’t in the office. He finishes his story and hits send before MI5 can figure out that it’s him or where he is.

Speech from Elaine’s video:

“My name is Elaine Renko. If you are watching this I’ve been murdered by the British State. During the course of a recent investigation, my colleague DCI Charlie Hicks and I came into contact with a classified government file, code named Hard Sun. In order to protect myself, DCI Hicks, and our loved ones, I’ve made a partial version of the Hard Sun dossier available to a newspaper of record. The state will do its best to suppress the release of this information. Anticipating this, a full copy of the Hard Sun dossier will be kept with this statement. This dossier contains a complete record of the British State’s Civil Defense emergency planning related to the Hard Sun event, including plans for distant control, the imposition of martial law, and provisions currently underway for the establishment of internment camps. If any harm should come to me, DCI Hicks, or any of our loved ones, this statement and the complete Hard Sun dossier will then be released to the media and the internet, and would be undeniable. Whatever you read, remember I have much more.”

Grace lets Charlie and Simone go, letting both go at inconvenient spots in the city. Simone is unceremoniously left on the side of the road, and Charlie is tossed, still hooded and with his hands tied, in the middle of the road in a busy tunnel.

After the credit sequence, it’s four weeks later. The Hard Sun file has been declared the biggest hoax since the fake Hitler Diaries in 1983. Will Benedetti has lost his job and his reputation. A conspiracy nut-Truther movement is growing up amongst the people who believe the contents of the file.

Daniel learns all of this as he watches Will interviewed on Hard Talk late one night. The host says that the internet is full of theories about what the extinction event will be caused by- a meteor, comet, or a catastrophic solar storm. So we know one part of the file that Elaine held back.

A large bearded man watches a Truther video on his laptop. He has photos of his wife and children next to the computer. When the video is done, he picks up a sledge hammer and gets up.

Truther audio:

Every government agency is preparing for the Hard Sun.  Humanity’s days on earth are numbered. We have 1,800 days, and our governments are spending those days lying to us. The first question to ask is: Would the government lie to you? And the answer is, of course. As far as our government is concerned, this topic must remain above Top Secret. Reality is broken, and truth must be hidden. And the masses need a teaching proportional to their limited knowledge. These fictions are necessary for the people and the truth becomes deadly for those whom they believe are not strong enough to contemplate it.

Elaine and Charlie stare at the MI5 building from across the river. Elaine says that MI5 is turning all of the leaks into conspiracy theories, folding and twisting the truth like it’s origami. Charlie replies that they think that they got it all under control, like they’ve put it all away in a box. But they’re wrong.

Charlie: You see the people who believe in it, the creeps and the nutters, the religious fanatics and the psychos, they’re all going to come crawling out of the woodwork. Oh, you know, it just makes my head hurt. I feel like I’ve just got to cram it all in. Just like I’m forcing myself to remember everything. You know, every detail. ‘Cause then all too soon it’s gonna be gone. I mean all you wanna do is protect the people that you love, so how are you supposed to deal with that, knowing that you can’t? Knowing that no one can. Ever. Five years. What’s the point?

Elaine: What’s the point? The point is everything you love is here now. That is all that matters.

Charlie: The funny thing is that there’s only one person that I can talk to about this on this entire planet, and that’s you. I mean I am lying to everyone on this earth but you. (He gives her a look that says a lot, none of it good, about what he thinks about the situation.)

While Charlie is telling Elaine about how his lack of control is causing him to unravel, Scary Hagrid, the bearded guy who watched the Truther video, has taken his trusty sledge hammer to a lovely home, made mostly of glass. We see the husband and wife settling down for the night in the bedroom when Scary Hagrid rings the doorbell. Husband answers the door, and Scary Hagrid hammers him in the head. The wife screams. This won’t end well.

Later in the evening, DCS Bell shows up at Elaine’s hotel room to have a look at her murder board and turn up the heat on her investigation. He tells Elaine that Charlie’s wife has left him, and asks why the investigation is taking so long. Elaine explains that there’s no evidence to connect him to the murder, only the motive of his affair with Butler’s wife, Mari. She accuses Bell of having already convicted Charlie in his own mind anyway, and asks why her investigation matters. He tells her that it matters because they gave her a deal. She gets them Charlie, they let Daniel go to the psych hospital instead of prison.

Charlie goes home to his empty house and calls Simone, who’s staying with her parents. They are gentle and loving with each other, but Simone refuses to come home until Charlie tells her who the people who kidnapped her were and what it was about. Charlie makes a half-hearted attempt at saying there was a brief threat to his life, but everyone is safe now. Simone can tell he’s lying, and doesn’t even engage. She ends the call with both of them nearly in tears. Charlie’s so upset that he goes straight to Mari’s house and is all over her as soon as the door is closed.

Daniel sits on the hospital roof and watches the sun rise, thinking deep and probably twisted thoughts.

The next morning, Charlie makes breakfast for Mari’s son Owen, then drops him off at school, before heading to the murder scene left by Scary Hagrid. When he arrives a little late for work, he tells his coworkers that Simone was having Braxton-Hicks contractions. Keith commiserates knowingly, since he’s the father of six. Everyone asks if Simone’s okay.

Then they go upstairs to the master bedroom/murder scene. The victims are Dominic Vaughn and Sabina Kesinovic, a married couple who also ran a PR firm and were workaholics. Dominic’s arms and legs are broken and he’s sitting duck taped to a chair. Sabina is naked, sprawled across the bed, face down, and was raped. Elaine and Charlie guess that the murderer has recently lost some male status role and knew the victims, probably through work.

Elsewhere, a mom is preparing for work when her two kids, Adam and Julie, bring her a birthday card. While she’s reading it, the doorbell rings. It’s her ex-husband, Scary Hagrid, whose name is actually Chris, there to wish her a happy birthday. He asks about the kids, but the mom, Maggie, says it’s time for school. Chris also asks her if she’s read any of the Hard Sun links he’s sent her. When she says no and begins to get annoyed, he leaves, saying it doesn’t matter.

Mari is at the library picking up books for her psychology classes when Grace approaches her, pretending they know each other. Grace knows details about Mari’s life, and carries on a one-sided conversation. Then she asks Mari to deliver a message to Charlie. As soon as Grace is gone, Mari calls Charlie. He’s in the car with Elaine and can’t really talk. The message was to tell Charlie that, “Renko knows what you did to Alex Butler and why.”

Charlie gets off the phone as quickly as possible, and gives Elaine some paranoid glances. Elaine is glancing at him, wondering what he’s talking about. She asks him if there’s a problem. He says yeah, his wife knows something’s wrong, but he doesn’t know what to tell her. Elaine answer, “That’s easy. Tell her a lie.” Charlie says, “Yeah, well, I don’t want to lie to her. I love her.” He manages to say it with a straight face, too. But then, he’s an accomplished liar with a lot of practice.

They arrive at the murder victims’ office. Daniel tries to call Elaine, but she rejects the call. He doesn’t leave a message. Maggie pops out of a stairwell to greet the detectives. She’s an executive who works for them. She’s so upset that she might be going into shock when she hears the news, and asks to go to the ladies room to splash water on her face. She vomits once she gets there.

The rest of Maggie’s family is preparing a birthday party for her when Chris buzzes at the door. He shoves his way in and takes them hostage, then calls Maggie, to let her know. He warns her not to call the police, and brags about killing Dominic and Sabina. He made Dominic watch the rape as revenge for Dominic sleeping with Maggie, Chris’ wife. He claims that raping Sabina was the first time he was ever unfaithful to Maggie. ProTip: Rape is not the same as a consensual affair between adults, no matter who else feels like they own the adults. Marriage isn’t slavery (anymore) (in the Western world).

Chris ends the call saying that Maggie has half and hour to get to the apartment.

Keith and Mishal discover that Sabina was consulting a divorce lawyer because of Dominic’s affair with Maggie. When they check the bathroom, Maggie’s already gone.

Maggie arrives at the apartment to find the adult members of her family brutally murdered. While she’s still taking that in, she receives a message showing that Chris has the kids. He’s taken the kids to an isolated house in the country where they’ve stayed before. He plans to “help them sleep,” so that they never have to suffer through the coming events. He says it’s all Maggie’s fault, for throwing their family away.

Maggie asks what she can do, and Chris tells her to come to the place where they made Jessica. She goes. Charlie and Elaine reach her family’s apartment not long after her, and find the bodies. Keith and Herbie are at Chris’ apartment, where he has most of the apartment, especially the main wall, dedicated to the Hard Sun theory. The detectives realize what’s happening.

Charlie pulls Elaine aside. He explains that they have to make a decision. He’s seen cases like this one before, where the husband kills the wife and kids, then himself. If they bring in the SWAT teams and the hostage negotiators, it’ll spiral out of control. If they want to have a chance at saving everyone, he and Elaine should go in alone, quietly, right now.

My own limited experience and observations agree with him. It’s a bold move, but a large police presence will put Chris on the defensive in a way that he won’t be talked down from, and no one will be able to get into the house until it’s too late. Elaine thinks about it, then agrees to Charlie’s plan.

They follow Maggie out to the country, where the mist has settled like toxic, poisonous steam. The toxic elements of the story are rising. 😉 Daniel tries to call Elaine, again, and she doesn’t answer, again. He’s getting quite frustrated with her lack of response, and a frustrated Daniel isn’t a good thing.

Elaine spots Maggie’s car parked in the woods. They park and follow her, with Elaine making sure she has her brass knuckles and Charlie taking the taser gun. They see Maggie after a minute, and Elaine chases her, tackling her when she runs from them. They do a quick good coop-bad cop on her to convince her to let them help her and the kids.

Then all three approach Scary Hagrid’s Haunted Cottage of the D*mned. Maggie goes toward the front door, but stops about 100 feet away. Charlie and Elaine hide behind a fallen tree near the back door. Maggie calls Chris to tell him she’s there, and lure him out the front door, while Elaine and Charlie go in the back.

Maggie tries to keep Chris talking while Charlie and Elaine go up to the bedroom to get the kids, who are drugged to sleep. They carry the kids downstairs, as Chris makes Maggie move closer to him and drop to her knees. Just as Elaine carries Adam out the back door, he wakes up and yells for his dad, frightened that he’s being taken by a stranger. Elaine tries to explain that she’s a police officer, but he’s a drugged, sleepy child, so it doesn’t sink in.

Chris turns to go respond to Adam, and Maggie throws a rock at his head. Charlie and Elaine keep running with the kids, until they hear Chris firing shots at Maggie. Charlie hands off Jessica, who’s now awake, to Elaine, and tells her to get both kids to safety, then call in the situation.

From here on out, the writers turn Elaine into a plot device and have her act out of character. The woman who beat up Charlie and made the Hard Sun file public; the woman who made a deal to keep the son who tried to burn her alive out of jail and still calmly visits him; the woman who’s stoically investigating her partner while putting her life in his hands everyday, can’t manage to make the 5 minute walk/run back to the car with the 2 kids, on his orders. Instead she stops for no reason, comforts Jessica, and loses Adam. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

All she had to do was keep going, get to the car, drive a couple of miles away and call in the crisis. Then they’d have back up, which would be helpful, now that the kids are safe. Maggie’s car is still there for Charlie and Maggie to get away in, if necessary. It would not have been cowardly or heartless for her to leave Charlie behind to save the kids and call for backup.

But now she has to go look for Adam. And she can’t see giant Scary Hagrid right in front of her while she’s looking for Adam, so he bashes her in the face with his gun and prepares to shoot her. But look, Adam has suddenly appeared! Elaine barely fights back, then gives up and yells for Adam not to watch Daddy turn into a murderer. Adam stands next to a tree and looks for all the world like a child possessed by a demon before he runs away to find Mummy, who will undoubtedly eventually discover she’s raised Rosemary’s Baby.

The camera moves over to show us Charlie, Rosemary’s Baby all grown up, who’s been hiding behind a tree instead of jumping in and helping Elaine. Okay, that explains a lot. The notes from the network and test audiences said that Elaine was too tough and emasculated Charlie too much in the pilot, so she has to be taken down a peg or ten in this episode, and be shown being both stupid in the field and nurturing and womanly.

Charlie stands next to the tree until after Chris fires the gun at Elaine. He thinks she knows that he killed Alex Butler and why, remember, so this would be the perfect opportunity to get rid of her. The gun misfires, so he walks slowly up behind Chris. Elaine finally sees him, and you can see on his face that he’s trying to decide what to do. Chris prepares to shoot Elaine again. At the last second, Charlie shouts and fires the taser, then beats Chris until Elaine stops him, reminding him Adam is watching.

Once Maggie and her kids are reunited and the police backup take over, Elaine tells Charlie that he should tell Simone the truth about Hard Sun. He asks her what the truth is. Elaine says she doesn’t know, he can make something up, but he needs to talk to his wife.

Charlie visits Simone that night, and makes his case:

“I’ve been in the country. I hate the country. It smells and things live in it. Look, I just want to say one thing, alright? Then I’m going to go home, I’m going to have a shower, and then play on my X-box. Yeah, I bought an X-Box, by the way. Listen to what I got to say, okay? I’m not trying to be a cavemen. It’s not a man or woman thing. It’s a love thing. Does that make sense? Simone, look at me. You are safe, because I will protect you, no matter what. You, Hailey, and the bump. And as long as I draw breath, no one will hurt you, ever. And if they try, I’ll kill them. I need you to understand that. So when do I get to bring you home? How about tomorrow morning? Please?

Simone agrees.

Elaine is staring at her murder board and gets simultaneous calls from Daniel and her boss. She chooses DCS Bell. He tells her that they’ve found the evidence she wanted against Charlie for Butler’s murder. He’s sending it through to her.

Put off by his mother again, Daniel finally gives up and leaves a message:

Mum, I saw this thing on the news, this thing about the sun. And the next day or whatever, people all over the TV were saying it was a like mistake or whatever. That makes sense. But because I’ve got this thing, in my head, when I look in their eyes, when they say it’s not true, well, I think they’re lying. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, actually. It’s kinda been keeping me awake. It’s just like- why would they lie? You know? But yeah. I guess you’re at work or whatever. We’ll speak later, yeah? It’s Daniel by the way. Bye.

He hangs up. An orderly steps in to tell him he has a visitor who’s not his mother. It’s Grace.

4 years, 41 weeks and 1 day left.

Hard Sun is coming.

Technology and Powerlessness

Elaine and Charlie pull off a pretty standard rescue procedure, with Chris looking and acting like a murderous psychopath who’s lured his victims to the iconic horror movie house at the end of the lane. The cool addition to the proceedings is the cell phones. The house barely looks like it has electricity, Chris’ gun looks like it’s 100 years old, while the only other serious weapon or technology is a taser. Otherwise the scene could be taking place 100 years ago.

Except that the four adults communicate by texting and phoning each other, even though they’re never more than 100 yards from each other. It’s an interesting way to bring the modern world into the natural and historical worlds. Much like Norman Bates in Psycho, Chris has become frozen at a certain point in his history and is willing to kill the people he loves to protect that history the way it exists in his mind.

The phones keep Chris and Maggie at a distance, so he never has to confront the reality of her. He can use technology to pretend to have a relationship with her, just like he sends the kids outside, then drugs them to sleep, so that he doesn’t have to face his inadequacies as a father. All the while he tells himself that he’s protecting his family. Take note, Charlie. That X-Box isn’t a good sign…

The phones, and, to a lesser extent, the taser, also bring up the question of whether Hard Sun does have anything to do with our dependence on technology and overuse of resources. Humans have already affected the ozone layer of the atmosphere with our products, maybe something worse happened that’s destroyed the ozone layer completely, like a military test gone wrong or an industrial accident.

There’s also the issue of whether a workaround could be found, if everyone was told everything about Hard Sun now and set loose on the problem. Some of the biggest developments of the 20th and 21st centuries have been made by kids in basements and garages. Grace and her ilk are stopping that from happening. Technology is being used to communicate, but also to stop real communication from happening, just like in real life.

As an American, it’s really weird to get used to police officers without guns. I can’t decide what I think of it, but it’s frustrating when I expect them to shoot, and they don’t, or when they do it’s just a taser on a string. Especially when Elaine was about to die. Charlie likely used the excuse that he didn’t have a firearm, while Chris did, to avoid intervening quickly to help her.

But that’s because of his own issues. Maggie picked up a rock and threw it at Chris when her children’s lives were at stake, even though she was up against the same man and the same firearm. She was braver than Charlie, and didn’t let her lack of modern technology stop her.

  After all those corridors and locks Elaine had to go through to get to Daniel, he’s able to get to the roof unsupervised? What’s the point of the locked ward? All he has to do is head to the roof, then shimmy down a drain pipe, tie his torn sheets into a rope or jump onto a dumpster to escape. Between being an escape artist and a lie detector, Daniel is the super antihero of this show. Elaine is almost a superhero, but she has the usual hobbling of her abilities that’s forced on women so that they don’t outshine the men.

Men, Protection, and Control

Charlie bookends the episode by describing to both Elaine and Simone the thought process by which middle class white men become violent criminals. They are taught that their value is as protectors (and sexual conquerers, but that’s another subject), meant to protect people through being in control of situations, and to control situations through power, money, violence and sheer force if necessary.

When none of those solutions work, or they lose access to those solutions, they become distraught and angry, lashing out at themselves or others in their powerlessness. This includes both British and American men. There are many, many studies that show this, but here’s one round-up that explains part of it in relation to guns, which can be extrapolated to include other weapons and forms of violence.

Elaine, who is a practical woman and never had the luxury of thinking she was in control, especially since she was a teenage victim of rape, tries to convince Charlie to value the moment, which is all that we ever really have anyway. This is also what Grace, another woman, is trying to do by stopping the information from getting out. Grace wants to protect society from the worst of what will come for as long as possible, thereby allowing people to enjoy a stable present without worrying about the future.

Meanwhile, Scary Hagrid takes the “distraught white man who’s lost his power and control” trope to the extreme. Hard Sun and other apocalyptic conspiracies become the externalization of their hopelessness. Instead of lashing out angrily at the world, Scary Hagrid targets the specific people who emasculated him, then moves on to his version of protection, planned mercy killings of his wife, children, and then himself.

It’s a complicated subject on a show like this. Sparing loved ones prolonged suffering before certain death is a longstanding disaster and apocalyptic trope. Scary Hagrid jumps the gun, since there’s still years left on the timeline, and he goes on an unnecessary, brutal murder spree first. That’s too extreme. But, if this show lasts 5 seasons, a parent helping a child to fall asleep then die painlessly instead of facing a horrific death might become an action that can be viewed as protective.

Chris may be the first person on this show to act on the idea, but he probably won’t be the last. As far as I can remember, The Walking Dead has only shown the aftermath of that situation, but it’s shown similar situations in real-time. Post-apocalyptic films have also dealt with families making that choice.

Just What Does Hitchcockian Mean in Relation to Hard Sun, Fear and the Pre-Apocalypse?

Earlier, I mentioned that the show is Hitchcockian in its filming techniques, but it’s following Hitchcock’s techniques in other ways as well. Luisa Luiz’s video essay Alfred Hitchcock and The Art of Pure Cinema- Art Regard explains what makes a film Hitchcockian.

John Fusco summarized her essay into four main points:

1- Hitchcock uses film as a place for audiences to project their anxieties- Hitchcock’s characters have very personal fears that are timeless, and also reflect societal fears according to the overall zeitgeist of the times. Hard Sun doubles down on both in this episode, placing an overwhelming emphasis on the potential loss of societal stability because of the extinction event or MI5’s actions when trying to contain knowledge of the event, and on the safety of loved ones, especially children and the elderly, in the face of an uncertain future. The fear of how we can keep the most vulnerable among up safe is universal. Fears of the breakdown of societal stability are a very 21st century phenomenon, as evidenced by the popularity of shows with apocalyptic themes.

2- Hitchcock’s films were a way for him to deal with his own worst fears- Hitchcock mined his own psyche for material, exploiting his dreams, childhood fears, and repressions. His fears turned out to be similar to everyone’s fears. Hard Sun and Luther creator Neil Cross does the same thing. He told a reporter, “The truth is, I don’t write what I’d like to do to other people, I write about what I’m scared other people might do to me.”

He’s also afraid of the dark. “If I’m alone in the house I have to have every light on. I’m out of my mid-forties now and when I was in my 20s and winsome with a full head of hair, to say I was afraid of the dark might have seemed a bit cute and characterful. But now I’m like this broken old man, it’s embarrassing.” Like Hitchcock, who included his fear of heights in his film Vertigo, Cross, understands that audiences will connect with a film that has a more personal, authentic touch. Hard Sun uses odd lighting and deep shadows to emphasize the concept of the coming extinction event. Some of the scariest threats to the protagonists coming at night, in the dark, or in artificial dark, like when Charlie is hooded and kidnapped by the MI5 goons.

3- Hitchcock knows you’re watching- Voyeurism is a hallmark of Hitchcock’s films. With MI5, paranoia, secrecy and various murder investigations being important aspects of Hard Sun, it can’t help but become part of Hard Sun as well. Everyone is always watching everyone else, looking for the flash drive, trying to determine their motives and loyalties, as part of an investigation, as part of the crime they are committing. Most of the observing is done illegally, or off the books, or, at the very least, creepily. As viewers, we watch through windows, see the person reflected in a mirror, look through the car windshield as Elaine and Charlie drive, see conversations on phone, computers or TV screens, view from a distance, or hear conversations before we see them, as if we’re eavesdropping. We’re made complicit in the crimes we watch committed, because we become the bystander who witnessed the crime, but did nothing. We’re kept alienated and othered, just like the characters who are too paranoid to trust anyone.

4- Hitchcock mastered every tool at his disposal- This is all about attention to detail. Hitchcock was an auteur, a filmmaker known for his unique artistic vision and style. Neil Cross is still relatively early in his career as a filmmaker, but he’s achieved critical success with earlier projects like Luther. Hard Sun’s first two episodes give us a good set up for the series and the season, but it’s too soon to tell what direction the show will take, or how successful the filmmaking will be long term. The attention to detail is there so far, as I discussed in the first three points, but it needs to be continued and expanded on for the rest of the season and series. And the characterization needs to be consistent, not changed to service the plot of an episode.

I think the four aspects in this list may be part of why reviewers who binge watched the show quickly dismissed it with lame excuses like “it’s too violent” or “the science/police work/whatever doesn’t seem realistic.” As if those don’t apply to most of television and film.

Cross uses the same techniques as Hitchcock to subconsciously prey on universal fears. Techniques like strange angles of multiple stories of stairs. Slightly off camera angles and facial expressions, especially when the characters are in cars. The frequent shots of a sun that’s too big and bright, but the characters don’t notice. This can be compared to the way Hitchcock shot birds doing otherwise normal activities in the film of the same name.

Everything about the show gives the sense that the future, the outdoors, and forward motion are in some way unsafe and unsettling. While we know other people can’t be trusted and have good reasons for that opinion, we’re not quite sure why the other three feel so off. Like the birds, the sun will stop being just slightly off and become overtly dangerous eventually. Hitchcock and Cross use the camera, sound and editing to mimic our subconscious ability to recognize patterns before we see them consciously.

Hard Sun makes the viewer uncomfortable in ways that can be difficult to articulate after one quick viewing. The fears it addresses are fears most people avoid facing directly, even in fiction. Hence the popularity of post-apocalyptic shows, which feel outside the realm of immediate possibility. They turn into horror and action shows most of the time, rather than psychological thrillers that go deep inside the minds and motivations of the characters.

The best post-apocalyptic shows do focus on character, but their characters have survived the worst. Though it may sound strange to say it, the mere fact that there are survivors having their stories told inherently makes post-apocalyptic stories more hopeful than pre-apocalyptic stories.

Pre-apocalyptic characters have yet to face their mass extinction event, and the odds are stacked against their survival. For those individuals, the apocalypse is likely the end. Besides forcing us to face our own uncertainty and mortality, it’s difficult to face that level of mortality for characters we’ve grown to know and love.

The disintegration everyday of life as we know it will surely happen eventually in real life, too, whether it’s in 10 years and because of new inventions or in 50 years because of climate change. People already feel the pressure of the societal upheavals of the last 50 years. The worry that they’ll/we’ll be left behind, symbolically or realistically facing extinction, is tough to face. Better to call the TV show a bad show.

  It’s the End of the World as We Know It Part 1

I’ve been looking over what can be seen of the documents in the Hard Sun file, and thinking about what little has been said about it. Over the next few recaps I’m going to explore some possible causes of the Hard Sun event.

Here is the first, and my personal favorite, a Gamma Ray Burst. For episode 3, I’ll look at the next most likely explanation, accelerated solar evolution. If you’d like to play along at home, or weigh in with your own ideas, or correct my bad, vague scientific interpretations, Wiki has a couple of articles that can help get you started: Future of Earth and Extinction Event. Or you can check out the PBS Space Time video series for descriptions of the ways cosmic influences could end us all. It’ll be fun, really!

Travelers viewers take note- a Gamma Ray Burst could also explain the ice age they are experiencing in the future. Sometimes I think Travelers might exist in the same universe as Hard Sun.

One way that Hard Sun could happen:

Image Credit: NASA.gov

A Gamma Ray Burst causes changes in the atmosphere over the course of several years that deteriorate the ozone layer, increasing the level of UV light that reaches the surface of the earth. This slowly kills everything that’s sensitive to UV light, including the plankton in the ocean that’s the bottom of the food chain, and triggers global cooling, possibly even an Ice Age.

If scientists in the Hard Sun universe initially discovered that a GRB had hit the earth from outside the solar system, and scientists were beginning to see its effects, the Hard Sun name would refer to the increase in solar  UV radiation experienced on earth. In this scenario the enlarged sun graphics are creative license meant to illustrate the increased effects of the sun. It could also be that the changes in the atmosphere would cause light to refract differently, changing the appearance of the sun to our eyes, not the actual size of the sun.

This also gets around the issue critics have had with our inability to predict solar events, not that I think that matters in a fictional alternate universe, but this theory is compatible with current science. Scientists believe that  450 million years ago a mass extinction and an ice age were caused by a GRB, so this isn’t even a hypothetical scenario.

The world of Hard Sun, season 1, would be on its way to becoming a cold, nearly lifeless desert, similar to the world of Blade Runner 2049. It would still be livable, if people found ways to survive the ice age and the increased UV radiation, such as living mostly underground and in bomb shelters/bunkers. Like I said in my episode 1 recap, this is a cyberpunk origin story. The people would require technology to survive, and many would die, but it would be doable.

This also fits with the graphics in the Hard Sun file, which show mass extinctions, but not the complete destruction of the earth or utter extinction of all life. Civilization as we know it would end, or at least change drastically, but life would go on, as it has after all of the other mass extinctions. It would take millions of years for life to on earth to recover.

How a Gamma Ray Burst Could Cause Mass Extinction From Billions of Miles Away

Hard Sun Season 1 Episode 2: One Thousand, Eight Hundred Days Recap The overt theme of episode 2 is protection of loved ones and how that's best accomplished. Do you tell all and keep them close?

“Work # 965: Him & Me”

HIM: What’s up Butchie? ME: Up and at all day and now I’m off to bed . . . alone :-( . . . HIM: I know what that's like far too well. ME: It's a bugger the single life. HIM: I’ve been single for 20 yrs. I’m reaching out for friendship, boys, men, and of course subs ‘n slaves. I know I don't want to be single anymore. I’m tired of it. ME: I was with a guy for years and we got married on out 25th anniversary . . . and then cancer decided to pay a visit. I’ve been single now since 2004. HIM: I’ve been single since I was 24, I’ve been since 1996. I was with an 18 yr old. He was lovely; he hooked up with an older mature guy, stable and money. HIM: Sorry for your loss. ME: Thanks, I’m over it now (sort of) I guess. HIM: That's good. It’s good to share. ME: It is. I’m Bruce btw. HIM: Hi Bruce. Marty here. ME: Hiya Marty, I’m in Toronto, you're at which lake? Ontario has a lot of them. HIM: Ontario is blessed with lakes and water. I’m at the height of the Ontario watershed, I’m on Lake Temagami. It’s an artist’s paradise. I also hold my own art shows and invite guests. ME: Do you curate as well? HIM: I have thought of doing that, I also looked at a grant for that I saw a grant for $50 to $70,000 for that. Wufff. ME: You'd have a good chance of getting it too because of your location. I’d not applied for arts funding for years and years but I’m going to submit to the Ontario Arts Council this year in the Senior Artist category. What kind of work do you do Marty? HIM: I paint but won’t claim it’s my forte not even for a millisecond. I create in cloth, leather and use fur as well.im also mixed race Native and White. So a lot of my work has a Native influence. I bead as well. Make simple jewelry. I do leather craft, and my fave works are with quills and bark. I also make touristy things like organic dream-catchers, drums and the like. HIM: Do you have a big cock? ME: Being mixed-race gives you a leg up in the arts grant department and I have a average sized cock (cut) and you? HIM: I can work the First Nations angle till death. I’m above thickness with average length. HIM: Cut. ME: That sounds tasty! If you check out the O.A.C. site they explicitly say priority is given to aboriginal artists. My grandmother's grandmother was Cree, but I wouldn't dare . . . HIM: LOL ME: Could I see some more pics? HIM: I have a status card if that helps, I live on rez too. HIM: Did you see my pics in the profile??? If so that all I have. HIM: Do you know the Asspig site? ME: I’m just a standard member so I can't access anything but the most public pics. I know that site yes. The status card and rez would be helpful indeed. HIM: Here’s a few. HIM: Many people come to the rez to buy arts and crafts and I help them spend their money. ME: Nice looking fella . . . . HIM: Thanks. ME::-) I’m going for a walk now – I’ve got to get out of the house. Talk to you later Marty . . . HIM: Later. ME: Back . . . but I’m going out for the evening (nothing exciting). HIM: That's OK I'm at a dinner meeting. ME: My evening turned into a dud -- I went to a screening and it was sold out! HIM: Ahhh shitty. Hate that shit. ME: I know, but it got me out of the house for a bit and I had a nice chat with the filmmaker who's sort of a friend so at least he knows I tried to see his work. There may be a future screening so all's not lost. HIM: That's good to hear, do you have contact info for him or the screening, can u reserve a seat??? ME: It's the Images Festival and its all first come first serve :-( HIM: Ah SHITTY. ME: It's no big deal. How’s your week going Marty? HIM: Busy, busy, busy, and I love it, making a few extra bucks for hydro bill. ME: Same on this end -- I'm chained to the computer for the next few days (and not in the good way) to plow through a whole lot of stuff -- I’d prefer to sit in my back yard and watch the flowers grow, but . . . . HIM: I’m looking at the ice surrounding my island, wishing for hot weather, time to start boating, lovely break up, countless ice crystals clinking on the shore line, the loons haunting cries, the eagles, the moose the bear etc... love it. ME: Sounds fantastic (except for the ice) I’ve got a nice big garden and everything is starting to pop up now. HIM: I’m about 500 km north of you. ME: I’m beginning to hate the city – if I didn't have a back garden I think I’d go nuts. HIM: I hated the city a long time ago. I love living on the lake. ME: I’ve never learned to drive, so moving to the country would be a problem. HIM: Well I know how to drive, I have driven around the island, although it’s kind of not legal. I’ll take keys off people if they had a few drinks. ME: Why is it not legal? Good that you're the designated driver though. HIM: I don't have a driver license. ME::-) I can see how that could get you into a bit of trouble . . . HIM: True. ME: Have you ever been caught? I hope not. HIM: I was pulled over by the police more than 20 years ago as a DD without a license. He didn't even ask for a drivers permit. ME::-) My dad got stopped by the cops once because he was driving too slowly – they thought he was drunk. He was just looking at the farms and scenery . . . :-) HIM: Shitty but it’s nice to see the countryside. ME: Yes, I grew up in the country north of Toronto. HIM: Very nice, what area? ME: Newmarket – it was a tiny town when we moved there, my dad was born there but moved away, now it's huge and not so great. But when I was there I wanted out, there was nothing there for a gay kid. HIM: I guess not, yeah that area really developed. ME: It's pretty awful now. HIM: It’s a shame the lands around Toronto are built up, it’s the best farmland in Canada. The first 400 km with in distance of the CN Tower is the best farmland in Canada. Sprawled up ugly fucking houses. ME: hopefully the green belt has stopped that. HIM: It’s too bad Toronto and surrounding area didn't build up first and then out. I hate those houses especially in the Maple area near Wonderland. Fucking ugly houses with all those foreigners living in them. ME: Toronto is very sprawling, it's a result of not being hemmed in by geography – but the lessons have been learned and the city is now becoming more intensified and vertical (which in itself causes other problems. I lived in NYC for many years and HATED IT there, but as far as livable cities go Toronto is up near the top. Off for my daily walk now . . . HIM: Yes Toronto is one of the world, this I already know. I lived there for 7 years. ME: How long ago were you living here -- I moved in 1978 and came back in 2001. HIM: I was there 1996 to 2003. ME: We could have crossed paths. HIM: Probably. You are familiar looking, by chance did you ever have a boyfriend named Allan and he worked at Bubs Subs, Church and Wellesley. ME: No -- I’d come back to Toronto with my man John in 2001 and we were together until he died in 2004. HIM: Sorry to hear of your partner’s death. ME: It was quick -- he was sick for only six months. HIM: Wow. Sorry to hear that nonetheless. HIM: BTW you have nice pits. ME: Thank you very much! HIM: I love pit hair.... especially thick, burly belly and chest hair. HIM: What are you into sexually? ME: Actually I’m sort of vanilla. HIM: Oh sorry. I’m anything but vanilla. ME: What are you into? HIM: Leather, rough, all left black, navy, red, yellow, grey. ME: I understand all the colours except grey. HIM: Bondage. ME: That's right, now I remember. HIM: I’m into more than that. Love nasty raunch, too. ME: I’m mostly a kisser and cocksucker, boring I know. HIM: They can be good too. ME::-) You're too kind. HIM: I love guys who suck and swallow. Wooffff. ME: I do both. HIM: Nothing like a good service pig to suck a nice cock and bring him to completion. ME: I also like 69ing and then mixing the cum together on our tongues. HIM: I loveeeeee 69. I can get sucked off for hours without cumming but I tend to blow quickly if I 69. ME: And cum eating? HIM: I’ve only eaten cum once from another guy. ME: Mine tastes very good. HIM: That's nice...... I really don't get much action round here, but I do crave to suck cock and fuck. I would suck yours and swallow it. I know I wanna suck. I wasn't much into sucking when I was younger. ME: I’d let you suck my cock anytime :-) HIM: LOL I’m sure. You shooting neg or poz loads? ME: I’m clean, negative. HIM: I hate the line, I’m clean. It’s like anyone else who has been infected in some shape or form is dirty. Its dehumanizing really. I’m poz. Wanted you to know that. ME: Sorry my mistake – you're right. I’m not one of those idiots that run for the hills when they hear poz. HIM: That's good. ME: I lived through the darkest days of the epidemic in the 80s and 90s when I was in NYC. HIM: Wow. That’s very impressive and sad at the same time. ME: It was absolutely horrible, HIM: You made it though and yuu are strong for that. I think it was created in a lab and used to depopulate. ME: That's crossed my mind and the minds of many others as well. HIM: Sure it’s just a branch in the plan to depopulate the world. ME: There was an overt attempt to stigmatize gay men in the '80s and '90s and I’m not entirely sure that that has not gone away, it's just less hostile and aggressive. HIM: Well the ‘80s was harsh as a teen and the ‘90s were pretty gay. ME: That whole period was really hard for me, especially because I was living in a place that I hated, it got better when I came back to Canada but then was almost immediately followed by tragedy. It’s good now though. HIM: Yikes. ME: I came back to Canada in 2001 and in 2003 both my mother and my partner were in the same hospital at the same time. HIM: I’m sure it feels a bit of relief to share the grief. But sometimes you gotta think does the person need or are able to hear it, how will they feel afterwards. I don't wanna hear any more depressing energy from you. ME: Fine, my life is good now. HIM: That's good. ME: Yes it is, except for not enough money and no boyfriend, it's perfect. HIM: LOL I hear you. ME: Such is modern life, I think. HIM: I ain’t a fan of modern. ME: 21st century then. HIM: I love my life in the bush. ME: I like my back garden – it's facing away from the city, it's quiet, relaxing. HIM: That's always nice. I had a shitty apartment and no garden or yard in the city.... I miss my friends, music, men and the convenience of food. My yard is now Lake Temagami, have a look-see. ME: That's fantastic. HIM: I’m so blessed to be here and love it so much. Although there’s no gay community here, I’m wanting love and have considered moving, I’m thinking south-west New Mexico or Palm Springs, California. ME: Are there any larger small towns nearby that may have a fledgling community? HIM: The nearest bigger center is North Bay. HIM: Really funny I connected with a slave last night from North Bay. ME: How far is that away from you? HIM: A little over an hour away. ME: That's not too bad at all -- I’d imagine North Bay has some sort of gay community, or am I wrong to assume that? HIM: It’s closeted, its small and although there is a rainbow church. ME: Sounds old fashioned but it's better than nothing -- in a lot of ways Toronto is kind of closeted too. HIM: I’m a Satanist now. ME: Oh? HIM: yes it’s been about 5 months of the dark side for me, I love it. ME: That may narrow the community a bit. HIM: I don't care. Since my change it’s been hotter, already had a boy visit me and more on the way. Its working for me 100 fold already. Today is the 50 year anniversary of the church of SATAN . . . HS. I rejoice in the darkness. ME: What does it offer that you can't get elsewhere? HIM: I don't need to explain it to you. ME: OK. HIM: That's good. ME::-) HIM: Butchie . . . pick a subject, fetish or kink. ME: Fetish. HIM: What’s the hottest fetish out there? What’s fetish mean to you? ME: I just got in and I’m sort of drunk -- I’ll think about this. HIM: LOL where did u go??? ME: I spent many hours at The Black Eagle . . . fetish-wise I sort of have a thing for muscle worship. HIM: AHHH LOVED THE BLACK EAGLE. DOES IT STILL HAVE THAT RANK ODOUR TO IT? ME: They've installed a dance floor . . . a dance floor!!!!!! HIM: Wow. ME: Yes, I was shocked. HIM: Wow. ME: It’s just like any ordinary bar now. HIM: I heard they even allow females. ME: There were none there yesterday and I don't think there's a female washroom, so I’m not sure. HIM: I had heard awhile back females were allowed. ME: Apparently 1/3 of Woody's customers are now women. HIM: When I left the city, the scene was still somewhat sacred. ME: I haven't been to Church Street in years. Sunday night was the first time in forever, and it was pretty ridiculous. HIM: LLLOOOLLL. ME::-) The Eagle has a dance floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIM: Yes you told me earlier, I still can’t believe it. Wow. ME: Neither can I, I just keep repeating to myself inside my head -- a dance floor? a dance floor! a dance floor? a dance floor! . . . HIM: OK we both know it, now we can both accept the sacrilege. ME: I will never darken their door again  HIM: LOL ME::-) morning . . . HIM: morning Butchie. ME: I’m out in the garden all day today. HIM: Good for you. ME: Did a lot of veggie planting and then I had a nap. HIM: That's a good days work. ME: And it's going to be warm from now on plus rainy – I have more to put in but the stock isn't in yet. I like gardening, it's relaxing. HIM: Of course it is, gardening is amazing. ME: My back is so sore now though. HIM: Good. ME: YEAH? Then give me a massage. HIM: It means you’re alive. ME::-) I’ll finish the rest of the planting today. HIM: Don't ever complain to me when your white and male and living in North America..... you could be a nigger starving in Africa. Or a woman in the Middle East with one arm because her other hand was chopped off for stealing a loaf of bread because she was hungry and trying to feed her babies. ME: I’m not complaining about anything and the rant is uncalled for. HIM: Frankly, I don't care about your gardening when this is a sex kink site. Have a nice life Butchie. Don’t message me again.

April 17-May 6 2016

When Kumail met Emily and Breakfast at the Hospital (a fucking delightful The Big Sick review)

Well that was a pleasant surprise. I had actually been hearing lots of really good things about The Big Sick. I always try to not take reviews too seriously before I see the movie. I know, that’s kind of funny coming from me since I’m writing one right here, but I like to go into every film with an open mind. Well, this one was fucking delightful!

Given that I’ve been talking about the franchise and cinematic universe era a lot and hard it is to get an original movie out of Hollywood, it’s kind of weird that in the past couple weeks I’ve seen a couple of absolutely amazing non-franchise movies with this and Baby Driver.

And just like Baby Driver, I can’t recommend The Big Sick enough. In a way, this one is everything that Baby Driver wasn’t. It is the polar opposite — a very small film with very complex characters and an exploration of the intricate relationships between them. What really worked about this is that essentially an indie film. It is a fictionalized version of the early relationship between the star Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon (renamed Gardner for the film and played by Zoe Kazan).

I don’t want to give away any of the plot to the film, because seriously it’s fucking charming, so I’m going to avoid spoilers. I will say that there isn’t a ton of “surprises” in it as to what will ultimately happen to the characters. I know who Kumail Nanijanu and Emily Gordon are. I know what happened to them. Hell, I know that they actually co-wrote movie… so unless they were going to make serious deviations to their life for something subtitled “an awkward true story” there are certain directions that the film simply had to go. It doesn’t matter. This is a movie about the journey… and again, fucking delightful. 

What really works here is that even without it being a true story, this is just a charming romcom. It takes the basic romcom formula — two quirky people meet and despite themselves fall in love…. but then throw in some random complication to drive them apart and see if they can overcome it all the while their friends are silly comic relief meandering on the sidelines — and updates it. In the same way that When Harry Met Sally was “more real” than any of its contemporaries and basically reinvented rom-coms for the 1990s, or Breakfast at Tiffany’s was “more real” and reinvented romcoms for the 1960s, this does that here. And just as well.

What makes it work is that the characters aren’t really more real. What makes them work is that they’re actually rather extraordinary. The same thing is true of Harry, Sally, Holly and Paul. The characters of Kumail and Emily, while based on the screenwriters, are really people who simply can’t exist. They are the essence of problems that we see in ourselves when trying to navigate relationships in our current era. Rom-coms, at their essence are about us making sense of the anxiety of dating in our contemporary world.  Breakfast at Tiffany’s attempted to depict the complications with building a relationship in an era where emerging feminism allowed a young woman to exist as an independent force outside of the world of patriarchal propriety.  Holly was more than just the independent woman of the mid-20th century, she was fucking nuts. She was a force of nature that could not be contained by political correctness or social grace but made herself undeniably attractive by going so far beyond those standards that she seemed refreshing and admirable, even though in reality, she’d likely be a horrible person.

In the same way, Harry and Sally showed the world the complications of dating in a post-sexual revolution world which acknowledged that the standards and gender norms through which we imagine dating no longer really applied to the way in which courtship really happened… if they ever did at all (side note… they didn’t). In real life, Harry and Sally would be completely dysfunctional people. Their relationship wouldn’t work. The level of codependence mixed with psychological abuse would likely have resulted in something very toxic and unhealthy. But by harnessing those problems and reconstructing the ideals of what romance was, When Harry Met Sally invented a world of hope that showed that one could find true love even inside of the complicated world of gender politics that adults living through the 1980s had realized they were living in.

The Big Sick does that here. While Kumail and Emily are complex and quirky, they can’t be real. A relationship like theirs would likely end in the two people killing each other. Furthermore since most of the characters the film are professional comedians, the quirkiness they exude makes them seem even less realistic than the comedic characters in other rom-coms. But, the level of total dysfunctionality they all display only serves to make it seem more unlikely that they’ll be able to work their way through the complications of their relationship and all the more endearing and rewarding when they manage to.

In this case, the thematic complication isn’t so much the the emerging independence of women or gender equality. Instead, the film  poses a more post-modern question of what does romance even mean in the contemporary world of dating. Emily and Kumail are independent people and they arrive at different emotional stages in their courtship at different times… and this does not necessarily match up. Just like in real life. Furthermore, and really more importantly, the film exposes the issue that dating and romance aren’t really a two party issue. The issue is never about the emotional or sexual compatibility between the two lovers. Instead, the bulk of the narrative is about how their interracial and cross-cultural relationship fits into the separate worlds that they inhabit before they ever meet. In a multicultural world, the film asks the question of how does the interracial relationship fit into the pre-established worlds that the two individuals come from. How do family members who are not benefiting from the sexual and romantic bond of the lovers reconcile that they are essentially forced into a disruptive relationship — one that is specifically counter to their preconceived cultural notions —without having any real choice in the matter?

As such, the film presents two parallel love stories. There is the more standard romance that develops between Kumail and Emily, but this is really just a backdrop to compare against his true romantic plot with her parents, played excellently by Ray Romano and Holly Hunter. The events of the film effectively substitute Mr. and Mrs. Gardner for Emily as the romantic lead for much of the story. Much as Kumail and Emily’s relationship does not develop in clean bilateral smoothness, his relationship with her parents individually develops at different speeds, and his relationship with them as a unit does not match up to what happens between him and her… or with his own parents… or, as we learn even between the parents themselves.

And so, the film strives to show that romantic relationships aren’t really about the two lovers. In fact, in many ways, the lovers may be the least important part of the equation. They’re about all the people that the lovers bring with them and the messiness of trying to make everything work as well as the acceptance that its never going to all work and trying to find a way to be alright with that. What really works here is that although the film is really about the inherent racism in American culture. It is about the manner in which that racism is internalized by the individual. And it is about the way in which those tensions affect the outward relationships (romantic and otherwise) that the individual experiences in life. But what makes the film work is that this is never overt. It is is acknowledged but it is handled naturally and organically. There are in many ways no magic bullets… no simple solutions to pull the characters through their issues… they just have to make choices and see where they lead. And since the relationship isn’t about only the two lovers, but the all the people that the lovers bring with them, the film shows that there is often no real way to make these choices without adversely affecting some part of the greater world outside of the one-on-one relationship. Relationships are disruptive. And it’s fucking delightful!

Seriously… go see this movie. Go see it in the theater. There are several reasons you need to do this. First of all, if you’re a lover of film and want the world to have more movies that aren’t just two franchise action characters punching each other in a recreation of the ways they punched each other in that one comic book or a reboot of the way they punched each other in that movie from 20 years ago… SEE THIS MOVIE. If you see this movie and it does well then people will start to make more movies like this. Not with the same plot, but with new and different ideas. Furthermore, if you’re the kind of person who likes to complain about the lack of cultural diversity in Hollywood films and the whitewashing of roles in order to make them more marketable… SEE THIS MOVIE. The reason big roles are non-ethnic is because no one wants to take a chance on them until they’re proven in smaller roles. If you see this movie then maybe one day you will see a little brown muslim man in your blockbuster superhero movie. And finally, if you like good movies… in fact… even if you don’t like good movies… SEE THIS MOVIE. It’s just kind of great. It’s adorable and charming and maybe the best thing I’ve seen so far this year. It’s the kind of thing that’s going to get some Oscar buzz, but probably won’t win (the Academy doesn’t love comedies) but it will live on as being a redefining point in its genre. And really, you just deserve to see it. Because it’s fucking delightful!

★★★★½ (4.5 out of 5 stars)

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When Kumail met Emily and Breakfast at the Hospital (a fucking delightful The Big Sick review) was originally published on ChrisMaverick dotcom