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shivada-jade · 3 years

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modern!au/idol!au

characters: aether, lumine mentions: venti, xiao, kazuha, barbara, azhdaha warning(s): swearing because lumine and aether are siblings

notes: i've been lACKING these idol au's so im gonna write more idol au's because i nEEED it

You were seven when you were introduced to the twins. Coming from a foreign land, you struggled with the language they spoke in, but they were patient with you and taught you their language and much more. The twins were multilingual and explained it was from their frequent traveling and relatives from different places.

You and the twins were close, but Lumine spent more time with you, making Aether whine a lot. He would always poke sticks at you and hide your legendary, full art Pokemon cards to catch both Lumine's and your attention. It does work, but Lumine's mad.

"Aether!" She'd scream with a lisp because of a missing tooth. "Stop doing that!"

Oh, but Aether is a sibling, meaning he'd play the 'innocent' card. "Stop doing what? What am I doing?"

In the end, you'd always have to call their parents when they fist fight at the sand pit. "Aether and Lumine's mom! They're fighting again!"

"Again?" The tall blonde sighed. "Thanks for telling me, hon."

After a good scolding, Aether and Lumine would be totally okay the next minute like nothing happened. You were used to their banter and rightfully took your Pokemon cards back. Lumine stuck a tongue out, blowing a raspberry at Aether when he turned his back, grabbing three large sticks.

"Fight me!" He cried with glee, giving one stick to his sister and one to you. "I will be the grand king of the sand pit!"

You vaguely remember the rest. Maybe you lost the 'sword duel,' or maybe you didn't, but what you did remember was this tall kid playing with his cat and eating the sand. Forget the kid, the only thing you remember is his cat's name called Azhdaha.

Your hands close your story book. You would never admit to your friends, but Lumine and Aether that you still read fantasy. The other kids in the neighbourhood would laugh saying what you were reading is a kid's story.

"So what if it's a kid's story? If you like it, read it," Lumine says aggressively while Aether opens the door for both of you.

"Lumi's right. They think they're all grown up, but they're kids too," he closes the door behind him, waving goodbye to your grandma rocking on the porch. "What's the story about anyway?"

You walk ahead, leading the two to a local mall. Every week, Aether, Lumine and yourself would spend Fridays and Saturdays together.

You and Lumine often joke how Aether doesn't do 'Saturdays are for the boys.' To which, Aether would scoff and reply with, "Boys who say that are stupid, not all but most. Saturdays are for spending time with people you care about. I don't care if they think I'm weak."

You step foot in the bus, tapping the card to pay for your admission. The twins, walk behind, doing the same and sitting next to you on the bus.

"It's called 'Songs of a Siren.' It's cool, you should check it out." You say, scooting a bit closer to the side so Lumine could have more pace to sit. The bus is packed. Teenagers littered inside, only a few adults were there including the bus driver. "Let's leave. Teenagers stink."

"...But you are one."

"Well-"

After the next stop, you push yourself through the crowd, trying to exit. Lumine pushes people, muttering a few 'excuse us' while dragging her brother. Your feet land on the concrete sidewalk and you finally breathe freely.

You see the twins finally get off the bus and tilt your head, "Let's go, the mall isn't gonna wait for us."

Entering the mall, the first thing you pass by is a clothes shop. You and Aether share a look, quietly doing rock-paper-scissors behind Lumine who's beaming to go inside.

Rock.

Aether chooses paper.

You droop to the floor because you're dramatic, knowing that once you go in the shop, you'll be the one carrying Lumine's purchases.

"Alright, Lumine," you say sighing. "Let's go shop."

You see Aether in your peripheral vision, pumping his fist laughing a quiet, "Yes!" when Lumine takes out her wallet.

"I know you did rock-paper-scissors." She counts the bills from her wallet, "But I'm buying for Aether which means even if you carry the things I buy, Aether's gonna have it much worse because he will be trying on everything I tell him to wear." She grins, settling with a black debit card.

After hearing this, Aether tries to walk in another shop to avoid dressing up for Lumine, but his sister quickly catches on and pulls him by the ear and walks in the clothes shop.

"Let's go!" She says to you, "These clothes won't shop themselves!"

...

"This one?"

"No, you look like grandpa in that outfit."

"Well what if I like looking like grandpa, huh? What are you gonna do about it?"

"Some people can pull off the sexy grandpa look. You're not 'some people.'" Lumine pulls out another outfit from the rack. "Try this one," she laughs, seeing Aether's horrified face and pushes him in the dressing area.

This is the ninth clothes shop you three go to, and you were starting to feel bad for Aether who had to wear every outfit Lumine wanted him to wear.

"Lumi," you say calmly, having trouble holding five shopping bags on each arm. She's on a shopping spree and you wonder how she gets all the money to buy these things. "That should be enough shopping for the day. I'm hungry."

The blonde lifts a hand. "Hold on a second," she smiles before banging on the changeroom door, "AETHER LET ME SEE THE FIT."

You can hear the loud sigh from the other side of the door as it slowly opens. He only peeks his head out, shyly mumbling, "This is embarrassing. I don't want to walk out like this."

Lumine rolls her eyes and pulls the door open, revealing Aether in a white dress shirt and dark pants.

Aether lifts an arm, inspecting the design. "It's a bit..." he pauses, thinking of a way to not offend his sister. "It's not my style." His eyes seek for your help to back him up, but you couldn't. The style on him looks so ethereal to him, and Lumine has the same idea.

His twin ran up to an aisle and picked out two accessories: a silk cloth and a floral pin. Lumine shushes Aether who tried to punch her.

"Shut up Aether, you'll look great." She pins the black rose onto the front of his shirt and ties the silk cloth around his neck. She steps a few steps back, making a rectangle shape to symbolize a picture frame and elbows you lightly. "He looks okay for once."

Okay is underwhelming, but to describe Aether better, he looks celestial. The warm studio lights hug every angle of Aether from head to toe. His golden eyes seem to brighten more and the outfit only accentuates his physical traits more.

From the corner of your eye you spot a tall-ish man who has been wandering past the same aisle but never picking anything up. He wears ordinary clothes- a T-shirt and jeans (rather stylishly), but you know from his incoming aura he's more than just an ordinary person.

You tap Lumine discreetly while still holding onto her shopping bags and tilt your head towards the man.

Aether, who keeps picking on the cloth around his neck goes frigid when the strange man walks up to him.

"Hey kid," he says cooly. He looks Aether up and down, lifting his shades to see clearer, and pulls out a small business card from his pocket. "You look like idol material. Ever thought about being a part of a boyband?"

Out of politeness, Aether takes the card and laughs nervously, "Not really" He looks at Lumine and you for help, but you two pretend to not know him when he turns to you.

The man shoves his hands in his pocket, blowing a bubblegum and popping it. His hair slightly tousles when he turns, waving a hand.

"If you ever do decide if you wanna be an idol, auditions are held next week at 10AM," he saunters off. "If they ask who recruited you, tell them a man by the name of Valentin did."

His lavender irises looks back once more before leaving the store, "The people from Teyvat Entertainment are introduced by my very hands. Don't disappoint me."

The automatic sliding doors open for him and he waves the store greeter a goodbye.

You see Aether's eyes scanning over he card Valentin gave. His lashes flutter quickly, signaling you and Lumine he was either shocked, or confused.

Lumine grabbed the paper, a habit she picked up due to being a twin and having to share everything with Aether who won't share. Her lips part, showing the card to you.

Teyvat Entertainment.

A company who created the world's famous DCKZ and the idol, Barbara. Teyvat Ent. has one of the youngest, top rookies of the year because of a group called TVT Dream. A company with many celebrities' and the business card is legit.

A store worker no older than your age meekly walks up to the three of you and asks, "Hey, uh. Are you ready to purchase your clothes?"

...

Aether shoves Lumine (don't worry she shoves him 10x harder) on the stairs while you watch from a safe distance.

You wave hello to their mom before waltzing into their home like you did many other times. You were their third child in their mom's eyes.

You slam the twins' room open and lay yourself on the bottom bunk of their bunkbed. "So do you wanna check Teyvat Entertainment?"

You fish out your phone from your pocket and hand signal for Aether and Lumine to come close to see. Your phone turns on, showing the lock screen of the twins in their embarrassing toddler moments then unlock it. Quietly laughing at the twins who have their faces beet red from the photograph.

"Why do you have that pic? DELETE IT."

"Did mom give that to you..."

You ignore them, opening up Google and typing in the Teyvat Ent. website and search their contacts. You ask Aether for the business card, comparing the two numbers side by side, and Valentin is indeed one of the scouts for the company.

You shut your phone off, hugging the two siblings together tightly. "Whether Aether decides he wants to be an idol or not, we'll still be the best of friends."

Lumine grins, squishing your cheeks, taking a closer look at you. "Well, duh. Are you scared we'll fall apart? No, if anything you should be scared we're never going to leave you alone even if you're 60 and married."

You pinch her cheeks and start to say something until you hear sniffles and coughing. You turn to Aether who was hiding his tears.

"Shut up, I'm not crying." He harshly wipes away the water falling from his eyes, "When I go famous, I'm going to give you my autograph so you can sell it and eventually get 20 cars and houses."

...

You were a teen when the dark-haired Valentin scouted Aether to be a trainee in Teyvat Ent.

You note that without Aether, their home is extremely quiet. It's odd not seeing Lumine scream at Aether for taking her hair clips. It's odd not seeing Lumine aggressively pull on the colourful flower hairclips on Aether's hair, just to get the clips back. It's so odd not seeing Aether is general.

Lumine scrolls through her phone, looking for furniture to add to her new apartment she shares with you. The only thing in the newly bought apartment is three mattresses, three plates, and three cups, just in case Aether visits. Though, Aether visiting is rare. His visits only happen during December for Christmas, but even then he had not visited. It's been two years since you and Lumine last saw him.

You stare at your last sent messages to the blonde boy.

▶ hEY. (threatening)

▶ take care okay? lumine's worrying all the time for ur health bc she keeps watching yt vids on how idols over-do themselves from training

haha thanks for telling me

are you sure it's not you who's worrying 🧐🤧

the last thing lumi sent to me was "FUCK YOU"

▶ well the last thing you sent to her was "U BUTT"

▶ and she took that seriously

are you siding with her?

▶ yes

oh okay, frick you too seen three months ago

Your feet pad against the wooden tiles, grabbing a glass of water while scrolling through twitter. You lift the glass to your lips and almost choke from the water you drink.

You click the link on the phone with the title "Debuting boy band already claiming the hearts of many! Please welcome 4nemo!" Four boys stand in the picture, one being Aether.

You place your glass to the sink and run to Lumine, sitting next to her and who her your phone. She reads it over and visibly shakes. You swear she was about to cry until she takes the phone from your hand and starts throwing it, "AETHER THAT BITCH. HE DEBUTES AND SAYS NOTHING."

You're mortified and pull your friend away from your phone, "THAT'S A NEW PHONE, STOP." You push her away and run to your device, clicking on the link.

"One, two, three! Hello we are," Aether, the familiar blonde says.

His group members follow after him. "4nemo!" They say in chorus. One by one they start introducing themselves.

"Hi I'm Aether!"

"Kazuha," one says with a raise of a hand.

An energetic member steps up with a grin, "And I'm Barbisabeto!"

"He's Barbatos, forgive him." Teal undertones make it's way to the camera, "Hello, I'm Xiao.

The one with twin braids step up, mischievously grinning. "Please take care of us and support us during our journey through the music industry."

His teal eyes squint behind the camera, whispering to the member behind him. "Psst, Xiao. I can't read I'm blind."

Xiao rolls his eyes and steps up, slightly bowing, "Please support our debuting group, we will see you in our music videos."

But Lumine and you never paid attention to what they were saying. Both of you just started crying insults of endearment to Aether because he looks so... different. His face had mature and he's a real idol now.

Reality sinks in.

Now that Aether had a growing fanbase, it's going to be harder to contact him.

"Lumine, how are we going to talk to him now?"

Lumine ponders a bit, resting her chin on her hand before smirking. "Let's create an Aether hate page."

"Yes, let's do it."

After a quick recording of Lumine and yourself, you posted the video online, and soon enough, it goes viral.

Lumine laughs, replaying the video.

"This one's for the boys with the booming system," You say monotonously in front of the camera like what you said was a speech instead of a song. "Top down, AC with the cooler system."

Lumine comes on screen, flipping her middle finger at the camera. "When he come up in the club, he be blazin' up. This one is actually not for the boys with the booming system. This is for the BITCH, AETHER WITH THE BLONDE BRAID. Look at you with your ugly ass smile," She speaks in one breath and it amazes you. "Make sure you get millions of hits or it's all for nothing. Oh Aether's an ass."

The screen shows your hand scooping the phone up and waving good bye with Lumine still dissing Aether.

You nudge Lumine, showing a comment written at the bottom of the video, covering a laugh.

"who's aether?"

"huh??! aether?"

"lOL Why Does The Person On The Left Look Like Aether?"

"OH 4NEMO DABUTE. SHUTUP YOU ANTI. THEY'RE GORGEOUS. YOU'RE THE ONE UFLY" ➡ "ahisfdh you obvi didnt watch the whole video. she said "make sure get millions of hits"

Lumine grins, commenting at the people calling her ugly and Aether way better looking. "Lol, IKR. the one on the left is trying too hard to look like Aether. it's like shes tryna be a twin or smthn"

Though, because of your viral "hate" video, 4nemo's popularity sky rockets because of the unknown 'Aether' of the group.

...

Aether watches the video on the news channel, because that's how popular the video got. He looks at his manager, "Can I send a hate video back?"

"Aether, no."

But the winds are troublesome as the ocean, because a boy with teal tips on his hair snatched the managers phone, running and giving it to Aether. "AETHER. DO IT RIGHT NOW."

...

It was a shock to you seeing people follow your twitter account.

"LUMI, [NAME], IM SRRY I LOST MY PHONE AND DIDNT WANNA TELL ANY1 OR THEYLL GROUND ME," said the tweet, tagging you in comments.

Lumine doesn't have twitter, so when she looks over your shoulder seeing the tweet with her name on, she grabs the phone and locks herself in the bathroom, "R U FR AETHER?U DIDNT REPLY TO MY HAPPY BDAY. WE SHARE A BDAY DUMBASS"

She calmly unlocks the door, giving your phone back casually while you whine, "Lumine! This is twitter! They're gonna cancel me!"

"I'll cancel them back."

Ding! You receive a post with you name under the comments again.

hello, i have to apologize for our member stealing the manager's phone to tweet that. i swear that kid's the most responsible, but he's been triggered. #kazuha

You quickly type back, under the hashtag 'kazuha.'

"@/4nemo sorry uh thats one of ur members twin & shes mad that aether never gave her a bday present when she gave 1 to him #kazuha"

notes: psst here's where i got aether's outfit inspo when they were outfit changing at the mall

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #4nemo #aether x reader #lumine #aether #lumine x reader #genshin fanfic

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smells-like-mettaton · 3 years

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Rating: G

Word Count: 1280

Summary: After a year as queen, Alphys no longer expects a reset. With her newfound confidence and with Sans by her side, would it be awful to admit she doesn't want to go back? (Salphys fic for @con-cognito!)

XXX

Sans and Alphys shared a queen-sized bed.

It was a joke, a gift that he’d gotten her a few months after she was flung into this position. She hadn’t been a queen then, not really. She was just… there.

Sometimes, just being there was enough. Sans had taught her that.

Now, over a year later, Sans was here. In her bed. Tangled in her pink bedsheets, his bare ribcage rising and falling with ironic snores.

Normally the noise was enough to put her straight to sleep. Tonight, though, old worries found new footholds in her head.

How long was this going to last? In the first days of her reign, the thought of the human resetting the timeline was all that kept her going. Then as the days turned into weeks turned into months, she decided they weren’t that benevolent. They’d wanted this. Sans had watched them murder without hesitation or mercy.

But now that she was finally getting used to this life… well, it wouldn’t surprise her if the human decided to take it all away.

“Alph,” Sans grunted. His bony hand flopped onto her face. “Shhhh. You’re thinkin’ too loud.”

She snorted. “You read minds now? What are you, an anime character?”

“Nah.” His eyesockets were still closed, but his permanent grin stretched wider. He looked blurry without her glasses on. “You spark when you get in your head.”

“Huh?” She sat up slightly, then caught a jolt of static electricity jolting off of her pillow and down her nightgown. “O-oh. Oops.”

“Heh. ‘S cute,” he mumbled, still smiling.

“Sh-shut up.” She blushed. They’d been in a queerplatonic relationship for about a month now, but she’d always been easily flustered.

(He could be flustered too, she’d found out. Physical displays of affection wouldn’t faze him, but a genuine compliment would have him hiding in his hood for an average of four minutes and thirty-seven seconds.)

“Make me,” he teased drowsily.

He only said it ironically—she’d overused the trope in too many of her old fanfics. It had become somewhat of an inside joke after he’d “accidentally” found her computer folder full of them.

(She couldn’t bare to read them anymore, not when over half of the characters were dead. But for the same reason, she couldn’t bare to delete them.)

(Some nights she caught Sans up late reading the more tame ones about Papyrus and Mettaton. In the shameless darkness of their room, he’d admitted that it was nice to pretend they were happy somewhere.)

“I’m gonna make you sleep on the couch,” she grumbled, but snuggled closer to him.

His pointy elbow was jabbed in her side, and his skull was cold against her cheek. She didn’t mind. On nights like this, it was nice to feel someone so solid. So real.

“C-ouch,” he echoed, emphasizing the pun.

She let out a loud snrk.

“Just go back to sleep, Sans.”

He rolled towards her slightly, one eyesocket peeking open.

“You sure?” he asked. “I know I’m not the most useful guy around, but. Uh. If all that static’s keepin’ you awake…”

She winced. He was always observant, even when he didn’t know what to do with what he knew.

“Just the usual. Resets. The human.” Losing myself. Losing you. “Lame stuff.”

“Oh.” He was clearly more awake now, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes for some reason. “Yeah. Guess that’s… still a possibility.”

“Did you stop thinking about it?” she asked, brow furrowed.

He’d always seemed more caught up in the concept of alternate timelines than she had. If he’d stopped worrying, maybe he could help her, too.

“...Nah. I mean, I’m still not getting my hopes up… but I can see how it’d be nice.” He rolled onto his back.

“N-nice?”

She shouldn’t feel betrayed. Alphys had lost most of her friends, but Sans had lost his family. Of course he’d want to get that back, even if it meant losing… this.

It wasn’t like he was wrong. She could see how it would be nice, too. Asgore leaving her voicemails she wouldn’t answer. Mettaton barging through her doors, recounting his latest episode that she’d already watched on TV. Undyne calling her up just to talk about the nonexistent weather, or to watch anime, or to build giant swords.

But to go back… to lie again, to hide again, to pretend she was fine when she was just steps away from the abyss—

She couldn’t live like that again. She couldn’t.

“Alph?” Sans shook her gently, and her magic sparked along his carpals. “Hey. Talk to me.”

“S-sorry.” She reined her magic back in. “I’m just—being stupid.”

“There’s only one bonehead around here, and it’s not you.” He rubbed a thumb soothingly over her arm as he spoke. “I said something dumb, didn’t I?”

“N-no! I just…” She sighed. “You won’t judge me for being selfish, right?”

“Hardly fair for the pot to call the kettle black,” he said wryly.

“Ha ha.”

She wrapped her arms around herself and tried not to lean into his touch. She didn’t deserve it.

“At least you don’t want things to stay like this,” she muttered.

His thumb stilled. “...Huh?”

“You want the k-kid to reset.” She dug her nails into her arms. “I don’t. I can’t. I mean, according to our r-reports, I wouldn’t even remember, but! If I did! Or, or even if I don’t, and I just feel like, like I’m living it all over again, that whole time I h-hated myself…”

Tears were leaking from her eyes. She’d long since given up being embarrassed around Sans over things like that. Still, it made it even harder to see his expression.

“Why do you think I want to go back?”

She blinked.

“B-because you just said you did?”

“Oh.” He scratched the back of his spine. “Huh. Honestly, I just said that ‘cause I assumed you wanted a reset.”

“...Oh.”

Well now she felt dumb.

“I mean, yeah. I wish less people were dead.” He shrugged, shifting the sheets around them. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss Papyrus. But he… he wouldn’t want me to stop living too.”

His eyelights were fixed on the ceiling. She untangled her arms from around herself and squeezed his hand.

“I think he’d be really proud of you,” she said quietly.

“Yeah.” He smiled. “Heh, I can picture the look on his face if he found out I’m working for the Queen. He’d be so jealous.”

“H-he wouldn’t have to be. I’d make him a part of the Royal Guard. A-and give him the fanciest, spikiest armor he could want.”

“He’d shine it every day. You’d be able to see your reflection in it.”

“He and Undyne would cook spaghetti for us—”

“And we’d pretend we could stomach it.” Sans grinned, fully facing her again now.

She smiled back, nuzzling her snout against his nasal ridge.

“It’s… not so bad to think about them,” she realized. “Even if they’re not coming back… we still have their memories.”

She’d been wrong to try to throw that away. Even if remembering hurt sometimes, it was better than chopping off her memories like a diseased limb. Asgore, Mettaton, Undyne… they all deserved better than that.

“We do. And, uh. We’ve got each other,” he added, his cheekbones glowing an ethereal blue. “Right?”

“You’re such a n-nerd.” She kissed the top of his nasal ridge. “I couldn’t do this without you. You know that.”

“Doesn’t hurt to be reminded.” He smiled, his eyesockets drifting closed again.

Within seconds, he’d fallen asleep in her arms.

“Thank you, Sans,” she murmured. “For reminding me, too.”

This time, his snores lulled her quickly to sleep.

#sans #alphys #salphys #fic tag #tali writes #safeutdr #this was surprisingly fun to write #some mercy #queen alphys

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things-happens · 3 years

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In Memory

Levi Ackerman x gn! Reader

Armin Arlert x gn! Reader

Erwin Smith x gn! Reader

Mikasa Ackerman x gn! Reader

hola 😎 i have a request for ya! which i do hope you like cause I literally spent hALF aN hoUR thinking of how it should go... anyWAYS, i’m gonna request it rn cause why not? .. anyways—maybe a hc for Levi, Armin, Erwin, Mikasa, and Pieck; their S/O’s favorite memories with them are playing in their mind. They wished it happened again. people thought they (they = pieck, levi, armin - yk)—people thought they went crazy. out of their mind insane. They do often smile, when they hear their S/O’s laugh. They cry when they hear their S/O’s screams. They couldn’t save them in time. they were now dead. // now do keep in mind, that this all happened weeks after their S/O’s death. they felt so useless at the fact that they couldn’t save them in time. the one they loved the most...

Note: I DELETED THIS AND HAD TO MADE THE POST so... please like and share thank you. Also I'm not caught up on season 4 but I know what has happened so I don't know Pieck's personality, I didn't want to get her wrong.

Prompt List

Mastlister

Summary: their s/o passed, they blame themselves and other and sadly cannot cope.

Warnings: Death, Blood, Feels and Fluff Words: a lot just a lot

Levi Ackerman (Sadderdaze)

Somethings never change for Levi losing the ones he loves left and right but why did he think that would change with y/n.

During the Battle of Shiganshina, Y/n was by Levi’s side the whole time.

They always was anyways, the lone survivor of Levi’s Squad after the 57th Expansion. Years ago, they vowed the loyalty for him then again 3 years later, till death did them part.

They both lead the group of soldiers to eliminate the Beast Titan.

As the Beast began to throw rocks everyone took covered in an abandoned town, after the first-round y/n and Levi resurfaced on the roofs.

They both noticed the beast was readying for another throw, yelling for the other to go bad into cover.

“GO BACK!” Y/N yelled into their cupped hands; they still couldn’t hear them.

Levi started to run to help them, only to be held back, y/n telling him there isn’t enough time.

Levi protested only for Y/n starting to push him back down to between the houses.

Suddenly, Y/n gave him a hard push on his back making him lad down on the ground. Looking back up to his love, their leg of in a now, missing part of the roof.

Levi quickly shot back up to help them out, grabbing their hands pulling as hard as he could.

“Levi… LEVI! Please take cover, you’ll die.”

“I’m not leaving you behind… not again.”

Levi had left Y/n in charge of his squad as he joined Erwin in the 57th Expansion. Nearly dying because of the Female Titan and protecting Eren.

Y/n pulled their arm away from him, giving him one final hard push in the chest right before the rock came pass them.

“I love you” they whispered.

As Levi flew back to the ground, he held eye contact with them all of his memories going through his head, knowing that this was the last time he would see of them, forever.

As for y/n, all their memories flew through them.

Late nights with Hanjie, mornings drinking tea with Erwin and Levi.

Levi… the night of their wedding, cake, slow dancing together, then stargazing. Oh, what they’d give to do that one more time with him.

Then they were gone.

Days later, everyone was concerned about the Captain. They could hear his cries and sobs when they’d pass his room. If you’d knocked, his cries would stop, and he’d stay silent till he watched your feet leave.

Every time Hanjie would open his door to bring breakfast or dinner, they could see the hopefulness in his eyes only for them to fall. Not like he ate till he was starving and knew he had too.

Years later, as Levi slept at night, he could still hear the whisper and cries of his love. That’s all he could hear ever, yet now he hid it well.

The nights he couldn’t sleep he’d walk through the halls of the fallen soldiers. In the middle of all the paintings, was Erwin. A gold frame shining in the moon light. Next to him was y/n.

They also had a golden frame and at the top were their favorite floor in their favorite color. Whomever painted it, Levi thought they did an amazing job.

The captured the brightness of their eyes, their gloss on their hair and the perfection on their hands.

Levi sat on his knees, lightly placing his hand on theirs. Wishing he could feel them just one more time.

BONUS:

“I bet you’re not popular with the ladies…” Zeke sighed.

Levi looked down thinking about y/n for the first time since the battle. “I was popular enough…”

Armin Arlert (When Will I See You Again)

Most people admired Y/n relationship with Armin, never put a title on side thing but the two and others knew they loved each other.

And when y/n died… well it was hard on everyone.

Since Armin inherited the Colossal Titian he saw and heard y/n die with his own eyes or really with Bertholdt eyes.

They stood by Armin till the very end or what they thought was the end.

The two stood in front of the giant titan, directing him. The plan… they knew they were going to die but it was with Armin and that’s all y/n would ever want.

Bertholdt let out the burning steam, burning them alive. y/n’s eyes looked at Armin, they screamed and cried till nothing… black.

Armin on the other head was giving the Titan Serum, eating Bertholdt and becoming the monsters he hated.

From the second he woke from the shift, all he could thing of was Y/n.

Where are they?

Are they okay?

Then and dare he say naturally, the memories caved in.

Seeing through his predecessor’s eyes, he remembered his love burn to death. Hearing their caries and he saw them always looking at him.

He cried and blamed himself for their death, y/n thought they were dying together but Eren couldn’t let him live in peace.

“they died thinking they were with me.” He whispered.

He always tired to keep his resentment in around Eren and Mikasa, but everyone could here him scream in pain in the forest next to the HQ.

He used Bertholdt’s memories to see them together all the time, Sasha and Mikasa would become worried he wasn’t grieving well but soon like screams every night stop.

Instead, it was quite crying at night, which wasn’t any better for anyone.

Then they left to find the Sea, one thing that could make Armin come to peace with himself.

Reaching the ocean everyone would play and have fun their but looking down in the water, Armin could’ve sworn he saw his love looking back at him but alas he lost the sight as fast as he saw it.

He knew Y/n would and still is by his side everyday till death brought them back to each other.

Erwin Smith (My Kind of Woman)

Everyone knew Erwin as a very stoic man, a calm gentle giant but with a heart and will of Iron.

And that was true, but that was after someone not one would talk about.

Their name is Y/n, Erwin Smith’s great love.

In 845, the Survey Corps returned from an expiation, but most do not know what happened.

“Four abnormals on the right wing!” some one shouted

Erwin looked at y/n who was smiling but still looking out for themselves and others. They looked over at Erwin and smiled even wilder.

Ever since training, Y/n saw bright side of things. It was their idea to recruit the Underground rebels.

In all most a flash of lighting, rain pored down soldiers dying all around.

10 abnormals flailing around, killing and eating people.

Erwin stared behind him, watching his comrades die under his orders. Then he locked eyes with y/n as they jumped off their horse as a Titan waved its arm at her.

“Erwin!”

Y/n yelled hoping he would turn and help them, and he did, yet despite the connection they had…

It was too late, they were harshly picked and swished, screams reaching everyone’s ears. Held above the Titan’s mouth their blood poured into then as the life quickly left their eyes they were dropped into its mouth.

If it wasn’t for Levi, Erwin would’ve been died too.

Ever second since then he blamed himself, knowing if he was just a little faster.

He paid someone to make a painting of her for his office, they were his right-hand person, but others knew it was more than that.

He would cry as quite as he could for years till it was small smiles or few tears while in his office or drinking tea with Levi or Hanji.

They both learned not to question it as it was a normal thing for the man after five years.

The new recruits would ask about the painting of a random person in his office, he would say someone special.

Yet it’s been years he would still become choked up that night.

Mikasa Ackerman (i wanna be your girlfriend)

Mikasa and Y/n met in training, two people how just sat not needing to say anything to enjoy each other’s company.

Eating dinner, they’d just sit and watch everyone else bicker and talk, nothing needed to be said. Despite being Sasha’s sibling, the older one seem to get all the personality then again there was nothing wrong with the way they were.

Although being close to death of a many of times, they lived and slightly loved Mikasa and watched her grow into a beautiful women she was.

Over the years, y/n become more vocal not wanting to miss out on the moments they had left with everyone. They and Jean would bicker and laugh about dumb things, Connie and they would just sitting and reminisce on old times.

Then Sasha met Nicolo and well y/n had never more vocal about anything before.

“Oooooh the cook, he’s perfect for you.”

y/n would tease Sasha along with Jean and Connie, although Nicolo didn’t seem to mind, Sasha would turn redder than a beet!

Then the war came, Y/n didn’t leave Mikasa side unless it was to save their ether extremely brave or stupid sister.

As y/n and Mikasa run to Eren’s ad after killing the War Hammer Titan, Mikasa yells at Eren.

Y/n watches the two argue, as the War Hammer Titan stands tall and definitely not dead.

Y/n watches as it starts to shoot a crystal goop at them, Y/n wipps around slamming themselves into Mikasa, holding onto her and they both flay away from the now hardened crystal.

“thank you, y/n.”

Y/n only nodded, looking back at the crystal. Again, they themselves in danger for Mikasa but they knew if it came down to it, they would die for their family.

After the battle, everyone was on the air ship, Mikasa had left y/n with Jean, Connie and Sasha. They talked happy to see each other alive.

“You guys are really special to me.”

Next thing anyone knew, both Jean and Y/n heard rumbling from the entrance. Turning around they saw a little girl with a rifle.

y/n quickly realized she was aiming for everyone of the ship, mainly their sister. Running in front of the fire, trying to do the same thing they once saw Hanjie do years ago still the girl shot.

The bullet went straight threw y/n’s stomach; push through the pain they grabbed the gun from the girl. They butted it into the little girl’s head, knocking her out.

The adrenaline wore off, y/n put their hand on their stomach. Their hand covered in blood, they turned around to see their sister on the floor surrounded by their friends.

“Guys…” they dropped the rifle on the floor.

The word came out their mouth, everyone with tears in their eyes slowly turned to look at them.

Jean watched as the blood dripped from their suit on to the light brown flooring.

Y/n began to walk to them, waddling side to side.

Mikasa entered the room watching Y/n fall over into what was now a pool of blood. She quickly ran over, flipping them over sobbing.

Jean quickly applied pressure into the wound, but it was too late. Y/n looked up at Mikasa, their bloodied hand lightly touching her face.

Mikasa sat head on her knees, in between both Blouse graves. She could still here the raspy breaths, the yells of Jean telling them to stay awake and the laugh Eren let out seeing the dead bodies.

She’d cry at nights realizing she loved them more than a friend, she felt like a piece of her was now gone.

During dinners Mikasa would push her food around till she couldn’t sit and not laugh or sob. Armin had become worried of her, but he knew she just needed time.

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rhosyn-du · 3 years

Text

Never make a mess when a total catastrophe will do - Chapter Five

Pairings: Jimon, past Clace, background Clizzy, a bunch of other minor background pairings Rating: Explicit Art: @cor321 Beta: @all-thestories-aretrue Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, fake dating, oh my god they were roommates, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, pining, miscommunication, holidays, drinking games, mistletoe, symbolically significant Oreos, domestic fluff, brief mention of past character death, Jace’s self-worth issues deserve their own tag Summary: What do you do when you find out your sister is not only dating your ex and love-of-your-high-school-life but is also bringing her home for Christmas? Bring your annoying, hot, annoyingly-hot roommate as your fake boyfriend to show them you're totally fine with it, obviously! There's no possible way this could backfire. Link: AO3 , Tumblr Master Post

Chapter Five

Jace worried that things would be weird when they got back home. He and Simon hadn’t spoken since New Year’s. He’d thought about texting, had in fact written and deleted at least a dozen texts over the next three days, but he never actually sent one. After all, Simon was the one who left without a word, and Jace wasn’t the kind of guy who chased after a hookup who wasn’t interested.

But when he finally got back to the apartment, it wasn’t weird at all.

He arrived home late afternoon the day before classes were due to start again to find Simon and Maia on the couch playing Overcooked. Simon glanced away from the game just long enough to tell Jace there was pizza in the kitchen if he wanted some, and that was it. The three of them spent the rest of the evening gaming, Simon acting like nothing at all had happened and Jace trying to convince himself that it didn’t bother him in the slightest. If Maia noticed anything, she didn’t let on.

The beginning of the new term was busy enough that they didn’t see each other much over the next few days, and Jace threw himself into his new classes with an enthusiasm he usually reserved for more hedonistic pursuits. Thursday night found him at his desk, deeply immersed in his world history reading. He was in the middle of a very dry passage on the Byzantine-Norman wars when he heard a light knock on his bedroom door.

“What is it?” he answered, not looking up from his book.

“Hey,” Simon said, opening the door. “I was just wondering what you were doing tonight.”

Jace looked up from his book only to have his brain come to a screeching halt. Simon was standing in his doorway, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. A small towel. It was disturbingly reminiscent of that first week living together, when Jace had realized exactly how hot Simon was. Except now he knew what it felt like to touch Simon, to kiss him, knew how he liked to have his dick stroked and the noises he made when he came.

With great effort, Jace snapped his eyes up to Simon’s face. Simon, who was still talking like nothing at all was off about him just strolling into Jace’s bedroom mostly naked.

“Because I don’t have any plans, and I was thinking maybe you might want to do something. You know, if you’re free.”

There were many things Jace wanted to do, all of which involved divesting Simon of that towel.

“Were you planning to put pants on?” Jace was proud of how level he managed to keep his voice.

The look Simon gave him was somewhere between flirtatious and challenging. “Do you want me to?”

He didn’t. He really didn’t, but he also didn’t know what the hell was going on, and while Jace would never say he didn’t knowingly walk headlong into bad choices on a regular basis, he tried not to make the same mistake twice. Three times, tops.

“Simon,” Jace said levelly, “what are you doing?”

“Seducing you?” Simon seemed to deflate a little. “Or, you know, failing to seduce you, apparently.”

“Not exactly failing,” Jace admitted, standing to move closer to Simon, who gave him a tiny, hopeful smile. “But I thought you said this was a mistake.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it,” Simon said, “and maybe I was wrong.”

Hope rose like a cresting wave inside Jace’s chest, and he struggled to keep it from sweeping him away. “I had fun on New Year’s.”

“Me too,” Simon said, taking a tentative step closer. “Like, a lot. And I was thinking, you know, we’re obviously into each other, so maybe it wasn’t a mistake. Wouldn’t be a mistake.”

Jace found himself nodding. This could end in disaster, probably would end in disaster if his life thus far were any indication, but standing here with Simon so close, his smile so bright, Jace thought maybe it was worth the risk.

“I mean, as long as you’re not seeing anyone else,” Simon said quickly, and that rising swell of hope crashed like shattering glass. “Because I don’t really—”

“I get it,” Jace interrupted. He didn’t actually need a detailed explanation of why Simon was only interested in hooking up with him until someone better came along. It was all anyone ever wanted from him, and most of the time it was what he wanted, too. “We’re both hot and single, so as long as neither of us is seeing anyone, there’s no reason we can’t have fun together.”

Simon’s brows furrowed, and for a second Jace worried that he hadn’t managed to hide his disappointment, but then Simon was smiling at him again. “Yeah, of course. That’s exactly what I meant.”

“In that case,” Jace said, taking the last step that put him firmly inside Simon’s personal space, “my answer to your earlier question is no.” When Simon started to frown, he clarified, “I don’t want you to put your pants on.”

“Good,” Simon said, leaning in so that their lips just barely brushed as he spoke, “because I’d much rather take yours off.”

Their mouths met in a kiss that was surprisingly gentle, and Jace had to pull away after only a few seconds because of how much he wanted.

“Do you think we can make it to a bed this time?”

Simon glanced over at Jace’s bed, as though he were seriously contemplating the answer to that question. “I think we can probably manage.”

“Good,” Jace said, catching Simon’s gaze and holding it. “Because I really want to suck you, and you’re not going to be able to stay standing when I do.”

Simon kissed him, hard and fast. “If you keep talking like that, we definitely won’t make it to the bed.”

It took them far longer than it should have to make it across the room, mostly because Simon seemed intent on making sure Jace wasn’t wearing any more than he was by the time they got there, but Jace eventually felt the backs of his knees connect with the edge of the bed and pulled Simon with him as he tumbled into it. They landed in an awkward sprawl, half-laughing into the kiss they refused to break as Jace tugged at the towel that was somehow still knotted around Simon’s waist.

Simon made one of those soft, desperate noises that Jace was quickly becoming addicted to as the towel fell away, and Jace stroked a hand up Simon’s thigh, just high enough to tease. He left it there, unmoving, as he deepened their kiss, licking into Simon’s mouth with intent.

It didn’t take long until Simon’s hips were moving, trying to find friction for his rapidly hardening cock. It took only a few seconds longer for him to realize Jace was doing it on purpose.

“Should’ve known you’d be like this,” Simon said between kisses. “Just as much of a dick in bed as you are everywhere else.”

“Not much of an insult, considering that you like my dick,” Jace answered, finally moving his hand to trail lightly up the length of Simon’s cock, eliciting a shaky gasp. “Consider this payback for coming in here in nothing but a damn towel.”

“Oh, that’s how it’s going to be, huh?”

That was all the warning Jace got before he found himself on his back, hands pinned to the bed above his head, Simon straddling his thighs. He flexed his arms experimentally, determined he probably could get free with enough effort and also that he really didn’t want to.

He cocked an eyebrow at Simon. “What are you going to do with me now that you’ve got me?”

Simon swallowed hard. “So much,” he said seriously. “You said you want to suck me and that works out because I kind of really want your mouth, but first I’m going to show you what happens when you’re a tease.”

“You’re one to talk about teasing. Do you ever bother to take clothes into the bathroom with you when you shower?”

Anything else Jace might have said was lost in a startled gasp as Simon’s mouth closed over his left nipple, a swirl of tongue punctuated by a sharp nip of teeth. Simon repeated the treatment on the right, and it was enough for Jace’s hips to give a tiny, involuntary jerk. Against nothing at all, since Simon was sitting far enough back to keep him from getting any kind of friction.

Jace managed to bite back the frustrated whine that wanted to escape. He wouldn’t give Simon the satisfaction.

“I wasn’t sure you noticed,” Simon said, before returning his attention to Jace’s nipples, and it took Jace several seconds to remember what they were even talking about. When he finally did, he lost any hope he’d had of keeping quiet. Simon had thought about whether Jace was watching him, had maybe wanted Jace to watch him. And that was…that was a lot.

“Fuck,” Jace gasped. His hips were moving again, unable to keep still. “Fuck, Simon.”

“Hmm?” Simon asked innocently as he finally ceased his assault on Jace’s nipples. “Something I can do for you?”

“You could try not being such a—” His words were cut off, lost into the ether with any possibility of coherent thought as Simon’s teeth sank into the skin just beneath his clavicle, hard enough to leave behind a pleasant ache. He wondered if there would be any hint of a mark left by morning. He hoped there would be.

Jace let his head fall back against the bed, baring his neck in invitation. Simon’s hands weren’t pinning his to the bed anymore so much as holding them. Simon seemed happy to take him up on his invitation, worshiping Jace’s neck with tongue and teeth, and finally sucking a deliberate mark into his skin, just above his collarbone, where it wouldn’t be obvious unless he wanted it to be.

“Simon, please.”

“Please, what?” Simon asked, all amused faux-innocence. “I can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me what it is.”

“Want you,” Jace growled, finally breaking free from Simon’s grip to tangle a hand in his hair and drag him into an impatient kiss. Simon kissed back, just as desperate, and made absolutely no protest when Jace pulled their hips together to finally get some friction. The kiss slowed, no less wanting, but a little less frantic as they rocked together.

“You have me,” Simon murmured against his mouth, and Jace shuddered with the weight of those words, with how much he wanted them to mean so much more than Simon intended them. But he did have Simon now, and he was going to make the most of it. Which reminded him that he’d gone into this with a plan.

Simon made a noise of protest when Jace pulled away but quieted immediately as Jace moved down his body, tongue following the line of dark hair that led from his chest down to his belly button. He got distracted there for a minute, tracing the lines of Simon’s abs with his tongue, reveling in the way the skin tensed and relaxed under his mouth.

“What did I tell you about teasing?” Simon asked, breathless.

“Don’t remember,” Jace lied, sliding down so that his breath ghosted over Simon’s cock, making his hips jerk. “But you seem pretty into it.”

He didn’t give Simon the chance to respond, sliding his mouth over Simon’s cock and taking him down to the hilt in one smooth motion, swallowing around the head. It was almost too much, too quick, and Jace had to fight back his gag reflex, but it was totally worth it for Simon’s broken-sounding, “Holy shit.”

Jace backed off, tonguing at Simon’s slit and sucking at the head of his dick before sliding back down, then repeating the pattern. It wasn’t the first time he’d deep-throated a guy, but it wasn’t something he had a ton of practice with either, much as he enjoyed it, and he knew better than to rush himself. It got easier every time he took Simon into the back of his throat, spurred on as he was by Simon’s near-incoherent stream of curses and praise. He lost himself in the sound of Simon’s voice, the weight of him on his tongue, the taste of him as he leaked steadily into his mouth.

After a few minutes, Jace realized that Simon was holding back, thighs trembling with the effort of keeping his hips still, one hand fisted in the sheets beside Jace’s head. Jace pulled off Simon’s cock with an audible ‘pop,’ and Simon’s whole body jerked.

Jace met his eyes. “You don’t have to be gentle with me.”

Simon opened his mouth, closed it again, stunned into silence for once.

To illustrate his point, Jace took Simon’s hand from where it was tangled in the sheets and placed it on his head. “I don’t want you to be gentle.”

“Not gentle,” Simon repeated, eyes dark and steady as his hand tightened in Jace’s hair. “I can do that.”

Jace lowered his head back to Simon’s dick, never breaking eye contact, letting the head just rest against his parted lips. Simon gave a shallow, experimental thrust, and Jace moaned around him, relaxing his throat so he could take him deeper. Simon thrust again, and Jace let his eyes flutter closed as Simon began to fuck his mouth in earnest.

“Fuck,” Simon panted. “Do you even know…know what you look like right now? Like, you’re always hot, but this is just…fuck. Wish you could see yourself. Wish I could have you like this all the time, except…except I’m definitely not going to last that long, and you’re just. Fuck, Jace, you’re perfect.”

Jace would have been embarrassed by the noise he made at Simon’s words, except that Simon seemed very into it, thrusts picking up speed as he continued in a broken voice, “Oh god, you— So good. I can’t— Shit. Your mouth—”

With a half-voiced gasp that might have been Jace’s name, Simon thrust deep one last time and came in hot spurts down Jace’s throat. Jace swallowed it all, dizzy from arousal and lack of air. He didn’t think he’d ever been this turned on in his life.

And then Simon was tugging Jace up by his hair, kissing him hard and deep like he couldn’t get enough of the taste of himself in Jace’s mouth.

“Perfect,” Simon repeated as his hand closed around Jace’s cock, and all Jace could do was hold onto him and make desperate noises that he would absolutely deny later into Simon’s mouth as Simon expertly jerked him off. It would have been embarrassing how quickly he came, except that Jace was beyond embarrassment, beyond anything but the feel of Simon’s hand, his body, his mouth.

After, they lay together a while longer, exchanging lazy kisses until it became so much that Jace had to pull away. He couldn’t let himself get used to this.

Simon watched him, that tiny thoughtful furrow that Jace found so endearing forming between his brows. When he opened his mouth to speak, Jace cut him off.

“I was thinking, if we order Chinese now, we’ll have just enough time to wash up before it gets here. And after, I want to ride you until you can’t remember anything but my name.”

“I…” Simon blinked at him. “I think I am literally incapable of turning that down.”

“Cool.” Jace rolled off the bed, refusing to look back at Simon, all sex-tousled and sweaty in his bed. “I’ll grab the takeout menu.”

~~~

The Hunter’s Moon was busy for a Tuesday night. Not packed like it would be on the weekend, but definitely more than the usual crowd. Rock Solid Panda wasn’t a big enough name to draw a huge audience, but it was clear they were finally starting to make a name for themselves. It probably helped that they’d finally decided on and stuck with a name for more than two gigs.

Maia was working tonight, and Jace joined Lily and Bat at the bar so they could chat with her when she wasn’t too busy with other customers. It was the first time they’d all hung out together since they got back from break, and Jace had been both looking forward to and dreading the show. Looking forward to it because, despite anything he might say to the contrary, he’d actually kind of missed his friends. Dreading it because his friends knew him, knew Simon, and he really didn’t want to have the conversation he knew would happen if they figured out he and Simon were sleeping together. He wasn’t sure which would be worse, them making the same assumption they had in the coffee shop, that he and Simon were actually together, or them recognizing what was actually going on and knowing that Simon could so much better than Jace, realizing that Jace was willing to take whatever Simon would give him.

“You starting with beer or vodka tonight?” Maia asked as he slid onto a stool.

“Beer,” Jace answered. “I’ve got eight a.m. Latin this semester.”

“I don’t know what’s worse,” Lily told him, “that you insist on studying a dead language for fun, that you’re willing to be in class at eight in the morning to do it, or that you’re letting it keep you from getting properly drunk at your best friend’s show.”

“I took Latin in high school, and it just makes sense to stick with it for my language requirement, and Simon isn’t my best friend.”

“Oh, sorry,” Lily said, “your fake boyfriend’s show. Speaking of, seems like none of us has won that bet, yet. I’m impressed.” She looked up at Maia, who set a frothing pint in front of Jace. “Unless you’ve been holding out on us, Roberts.”

“Nope,” Maia said, shaking her head. “They both made it through the entire break without my assistance.”

“We’re proud of you, buddy,” Bat said, patting his shoulder.

“Oh, fuck off,” Jace said. “We were fine. Minimal family drama, and Simon charmed the hell out of my entire family.”

Maia’s eyebrows climbed almost to her hairline. “Even Maryse?” She’d never actually met Jace’s adoptive mother, but she’d heard more than her share of stories.

“Even Maryse,” Jace confirmed. “I think starting dating again has mellowed her out a little.”

At Lily’s prompting, Jace gave an abbreviated—and entirely sanitized—rundown of his visit home. Maia gave him an odd look when he mentioned Magnus’s party, but she didn’t say anything. Jace brushed it off, but it left him with an unsettled feeling.

“Hey, you,” Maia said to someone behind them just as Jace was finishing up his story.

“Hey,” Simon said. Jace could hear the smile in his voice even before he spun around to face him. “We just finished setting up and wanted to come say hi before we start our set. Becky says ‘hi back,’ by the way,” he told Maia.

“Did she say anything else?” Maia asked hopefully.

“Nope,” Simon said. “Well, she told me to stop being dumb when I suggested she, you know, actually talk to you. You guys know that’s an option, right? Talking to each other directly?”

Maia ignored him, turning to Maureen. “Excited about the big show?”

“Holy shit, you guys,” Maureen said, her own smile tempered by just a hint of panic, “there are so many people here.”

“Yeah, because you guys are awesome,” Maia said. “Seriously, you deserve this.”

“It’s true,” Lily said. “I don’t even like indie rock normally, but you guys are alright.”

“Ooh, ‘alright,’” Simon repeated archly. “High praise from the great Lily Chen.”

“And you better bask in it,” Lily told him. “It’s a shame you didn’t get here a little sooner. You just missed Jace telling us all about your New Year’s adventure.”

Simon’s eyebrows shot up. “Wh-what?” He threw a panicked look at Jace, who could only give a tiny head shake.

“Yeah,” Bat said. “We heard you got your ass kicked at Land Mines.”

“We lost by one shot!” Simon protested, visibly relaxing despite his scowl.

“Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades,” Jace told him, smirking.

“Really,” Simon said, turning to look at Jace with a calm intensity that Jace had gotten to know very well over the past several days, one that had his dick twitching with interest. “I’ll remember that.”

“Let me know if you need a reminder,” Jace said, leaning back against the bar. He saw Simon’s eyes flick to his collarbone, where the fading mark he’d left was just visible above the open collar of Jace’s shirt. It was light enough now that no one looking at it would know what it was at a glance, but Jace knew. And more importantly, Simon knew.

“I don’t think I’m the one who needs a reminder,” Simon said, and Jace had to actively suppress a shiver.

“Anyway,” Maureen said pointedly, giving them both a dubious look, “we should probably get back on stage. We’re on in five minutes.”

“Right,” Simon said, tearing his gaze away from Jace. “Playing music. That thing that we’re doing in front of, wow, so many people.” His grin was back as he looked at Maureen. “Holy shit.”

“Holy shit!” she agreed, pulling him toward the stage.

“I’d ask what that was about,” Lily said, “but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.”

“No idea what you’re talking about,” Jace said, sipping his beer nonchalantly.

“Wow,” Bat said. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re kind of a shitty liar?”

“If Jace had to explain every time he did something weird, he’d never stop talking,” Maia said, and Jace wasn’t sure whether to be offended or grateful. He was saved from having to decide by Simon stepping up to the mic and introducing the band.

Rock Solid Panda’s set was mostly music Jace knew, mostly their early songs with a few covers thrown in. As they played, Jace found himself paying less attention to the music and more to the way Simon’s hands moved as he played, the way he lost himself in the music. It wasn’t the first time Jace had found himself watching Simon, but it was the first time he let himself keep doing it.

“So, this last song is new,” Simon said. Over the course of their set, the crowd had gone quiet. “I just finished writing it a few days ago, and we’ve only played it a couple times in practice, so it might be a little rough. But, um. Well, I hope you like it. This one’s called Random Afternoon.”

As Simon plucked out the opening notes, Jace recognized it as something he’d heard vague snippets of over the past couple weeks, just the guitar line as Simon worked through it in his room. This was the first time he’d heard any of the lyrics, though.

It was a love song. Melodic and melancholic, it spoke of a love that didn’t sweep you off your feet but bloomed in a thousand tiny, mundane moments. A love that started as the faintest flicker and grew to a consuming inferno before you realized you were in danger of getting burned. A love that was wholly unrequited, because those moments didn’t mean the same thing to them as they did to you.

Jace drained the last of his beer, trying to settle the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t jealousy. He didn’t get jealous. It was just a song, and he and Simon weren’t even together really, so even if Simon was harboring feelings for someone he couldn’t have, it wasn’t any of Jace’s business.

He turned to the bar, intending to ask for another drink—something stronger this time, maybe—only to find Maia already there, sliding a glass of water over to him. He raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Don’t be stupid,” she told him, shaking her head like she knew exactly what he was thinking. Maybe she did. She was the only person he’d ever talked to about…any of this. But at least last time she’d given him tequila.

He looked back to the stage, sipping his water and wishing he’d insisted on tequila.

~~~

“Thanks for staying and helping us get all the equipment loaded back in the van,” Simon said when they got back to the apartment several hours later. “You didn’t have to, and I know you’ve got early class tomorrow.”

“It was wholly self-serving,” Jace told him. He still felt unsettled and far too sober. “You would have woken me up when you got home, anyway, and it would have taken you longer without my help.”

“Well, whatever your reasons, I appreciate it,” Simon said. “I still can’t believe so many people showed up.”

“I can,” Jace said, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it over the back of the couch. “You played a good show.”

“You really think so?” Simon looked genuinely surprised, and it only added to Jace’s feeling of disquiet.

“Yeah,” Jace said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It should have been. Maybe he wasn’t as effusive in his praise as Bat or Maia, but he’d been to basically all of Rock Solid Panda’s shows over the past two years. “You put a lot of yourself into your music.”

As soon as the words were out of Jace’s mouth, he was thinking of the new song Simon had played. Maybe he’d been thinking about it the whole time. From the way Simon froze, Jace knew he’d hit a nerve.

“Sometimes,” Simon said. “But not always,” he added quickly. “Sometimes, I write songs about, like, random thoughts that come into my head, or stuff that’s happened to other people, or, you know, Maureen and I even collaborate on writing sometimes, so some of the songs are hers.” Simon was babbling. He was kind of a terrible liar.

“It was a compliment,” Jace said with an amusement he didn’t feel. “You should learn how to take one.”

“Oh,” Simon said. “Right.” He forced a smile that almost looked genuine. “Thank you.”

Jace shook his head. “I give that a C-plus at best. Come on, you can do better than that.”

“You know what?” Simon said, raising his chin. “I take it back. I shouldn’t be thanking you, because Rock Solid Panda is awesome, and our music is awesome, and you should be complimenting us, like, all the time.”

“That’s more like it,” Jace said, grinning.

“No, now I just sound like you,” Simon said, shaking his head.

“Exactly.” Because I’m awesome and people should be complimenting me all the time.”

Simon gave him an unimpressed look. “Remind me why I’m friends with you again?”

“We literally just went over this,” Jace said, lounging against the wall. “Because I’m awesome and people should—”

“Oh my god, stop talking,” Simon said, but he was obviously fighting back a smile now. “Seriously.”

“You going to make me?” Jace challenged, and this was probably the kind of thing Maia meant when she told him not to be stupid, because he knew now that Simon was in love with someone else. Or hung up on someone, anyway. And Jace was at least honest enough with himself to know that he was just asking to get hurt if he kept having sex with a guy he was maybe into as more than just a friend with benefits who didn’t feel the same way about him.

He was also honest enough with himself to know he was going to do it, anyway.

Simon shook his head. “Nope. That’ll just encourage you.”

“See, you say that.” Jace stretched his arms above his head, very deliberately arching his back and making his shirt ride up to reveal a sliver of skin above the waistband of his jeans. “But this is totally doing it for you.”

“I really kind of hate you sometimes,” Simon said without heat before stalking over and pinning Jace’s still-raised wrists to the wall above his head.

“Oh yeah?” Jace said, rolling his hips shamelessly against Simon’s. “Why don’t you show me how much?”

The kiss was hard and bruising, Simon’s body pressing him into the wall like he was trying to erase every millimeter of space between them. Jace kissed back just as hard, exerting just enough pressure with his arms to make a show of protest, but not nearly enough to break Simon’s hold. Maybe he’d never be the kind of guy Simon wrote love songs about, but like this, he knew what Simon wanted, what he liked, and he planned to give it to him.

They were both breathing hard when Simon broke the kiss to say, “Bedroom, now.”

“Yeah,” Jace agreed, a little dazed.

“Mine, not yours,” Simon added seriously. “I want you in my bed.” He put just a little more pressure on Jace’s wrists before releasing them entirely.

Jace felt like all the air had been punched out of his lungs. They hadn’t actually done anything in Simon’s room. They mostly ended up in Jace’s room, or on the couch, and there had been that one time in the bathroom when they had decisively concluded their shower was not big enough for anything other than getting clean. But never in Simon’s room, and the idea that he wanted Jace there, in his bed, made something inside Jace tremble.

Simon didn’t give him time to dwell on it, kissing him again before turning to walk down the hall toward his room, expecting Jace to follow. Knowing Jace would, probably, because somewhere along the line Jace had apparently lost any ability he once had to say no to Simon.

As soon as he made it to the bedroom, Simon was kissing him again, deep and filthy and full of promise as he quickly and efficiently divested Jace of his shirt and pants.

“Eager,” Jace observed as he kicked free of the pants that had pooled around his ankles, leaving him in nothing but a pair of black boxer-briefs.

“You wanted me to show you how much I hate you,” Simon said. His smile and tone were teasing, but there was something else in his eyes that Jace couldn’t quite identify. “So that’s what I’m doing. Get on the bed.”

Jace made a show of stretching out on the bed, reveling in how Simon followed his every move with his eyes.

“You just planning to look?” he asked when Simon made no move to follow him.

“You kinda deserve it,” Simon said, pulling off his own shirt. “But no.” He kicked off his pants and crawled up the bed until they were face to face, his knees bracketing Jace’s hips. “Because you’re right. This totally does it for me.”

He leaned down to bring their mouths together, and it was slow and gentle in a way Jace wasn’t expecting, wasn’t prepared for, and he felt like he was being unraveled by it, all the loose threads that made up the tangled mess that was Jace being pulled apart by Simon’s lips and tongue and breath.

“Here’s how this is going to go,” Simon told him, mouthing along the skin of his jaw. He took one of Jace’s hands and wrapped his fingers around the slats of the headboard, then did the same with the other hand. “You’re going to keep your hands right here like this, and I’m going to fuck you, and you’re going to take it.”

As close as they were, there was no hiding Jace’s full-body shiver at Simon’s words, no hiding just how much he wanted, but he still put on a cocky smile and gave his best shot at seeming unaffected. “Bossy. What makes you think I’m just going to go along with it?”

“Because you like me bossy,” Simon said, running his hands up Jace’s arms from his shoulders to where his hands still gripped the headboard and grinning down at him. “This is totally doing it for you.”

Jace’s denial was cut off by Simon reaching a hand down to cup his cock through his underwear, thumb dragging across fabric wet with pre-come. Jace bucked up into the touch, gasping. His hands stayed where they were.

Simon’s grin was smug as he hooked his fingers in the waistband of Jace’s boxer-briefs and pulled them down and off in a single motion. Jace made a soft noise—half relief, half impatience—as his cock sprang free from its confines to lie hard and leaking against his abdomen.

Simon’s smugness turned to something almost like awe as he sat back on his heels and just looked, and Jace started to feel that unraveling sensation again even as his cock twitched under the weight of Simon’s appreciation.

Jace licked his lips. “If you want me to take it, you’re going to have to give it to me.”

“I’d tell you to be patient, but I know that’s a lost cause,” Simon said, reaching over to grab condoms and lube from his nightstand. This meant leaning over Jace, close enough that Jace could feel the heat of Simon’s body, but still not quite touching. Until Jace rocked his hips up, rutting against Simon’s hip for the few glorious seconds it took Simon to pull back.

Simon sat back on his heels once again, his free hand moving to Jace’s hip and pressing it firmly into the mattress as he gave him an unimpressed look.

Jace smirked back. “I wouldn’t need to be patient if you weren’t taking your damn time about it.”

“You say things like that,” Simon said, uncapping the lube, “but I don’t think you’ve really considered the full implications of what you’re asking for.” He poured some lube out into his palm, coating his hand, before moving the bottle to spill directly onto Jace’s dick.

“Fuck, fuck.” Jace arched off the bed from the unexpected cold, and before he could even find the words to tell Simon what an absolute asshole he was, the cold was replaced with the heat and delicious pressure of Simon’s hand.

“And anyway,” Simon said, continuing to stroke Jace’s cock with one hand while the lube-slick fingers of his other hands circled Jace’s hole, “this is supposed to be about how much I hate you.” He pressed one finger just inside, teasing Jace’s rim. “So I’m going to take exactly as long as I want to.”

Then that finger slid all the way in, and for a while Jace’s entire world narrowed down to the feel of Simon’s fingers—around him, inside him—and the sound of Simon’s voice, teasing and praising in turn.

“God, look at you.” Simon had three fingers inside him, and Jace had long since lost the ability to form coherent words. Or do anything, really, besides cling to the headboard and writhe under Simon’s touch.

“You’re so hot like this.” He curled his fingers, stroking over Jace’s prostate for what must have been the hundredth time. “And everyone thinks they know how hot you are, but they don’t because most of them haven’t seen you like this, and that’s almost a kind of tragedy except that I do get to see you like this.” He sounded almost as wrecked as Jace felt. “I get to make you like this.”

“Simon,” Jace gasped, and he wasn’t sure whether it was Simon’s words or the curl of his fingers that brought him there.

“Okay,” Simon breathed. “Okay, yeah.” And then Simon was taking his hands away and Jace let out a desperate whine because Simon going away was the last thing he wanted.

“Shh,” Simon soothed as he tugged off his own underwear and fumbled open the condom wrapper. “I’m not going anywhere.” He dropped a quick kiss on Jace’s knee, then leaned back again so he could roll the condom on and slick up his cock. “I promise.”

“Don’t want promises,” Jace said, managing to drag the words out from somewhere. “Just want you in me already.”

Simon let out a faint growl, and then he was hooking Jace’s knees over his shoulders, pinning Jace to the bed with his own body, pushing into him in a single, relentless stroke.

“This what you wanted?” Simon asked when his hips sat flush against Jace’s ass.

It was. God, it was.

“Want you to move,” Jace said.

Simon did, fucking Jace like he wanted to break him, kissing him like he wanted to own him. It was everything, and Jace took it. Because Simon told him to. Because he wanted to.

“Feels so good,” Simon panted. “God, Jace, I just—”

He reached a hand between them to wrap around Jace’s cock, stroking in time with his thrusts, and Jace keened.

“Come for me,” Simon said. “I want to feel you come for me, baby.”

Jace didn’t know whether it was the command or the endearment that pushed him over the edge, but he was shaking apart with Simon’s next upstroke, spilling between their bodies as Simon swallowed the desperate sounds of his release. Simon fucked him through it, not slowing until Jace was trembling on the edge of overstimulation.

“Don’t stop,” Jace told him. “I can take it.”

“Jace—” Simon’s voice was wary, but Jace could feel how much he wanted in the way his body trembled, the way his hips never quite stopped moving.

“Want you to come with your dick inside me,” Jace said, locking his ankles around Simon’s back. “Please.”

“Fuck,” Simon swore as he started moving in earnest again. “How are you even real?”

Jace wanted to respond with something pithy and clever, but he’d lost all capacity for words, for thought as Simon fucked into him, chasing his own pleasure. It teetered on the edge of too much, would be too much if Jace let it, and all he had it in him to do was hang on until finally Simon’s hips lost their rhythm and Jace felt his dick pulsing inside him as he whispered nonsensical words of affection into the skin of Jace’s shoulder.

They lay like that for what felt like an eternity, yet still not enough time at all, until Simon finally sighed and pulled his softening cock out to deal with the condom. He looked at Jace as he tied it off and tossed it in the trash.

“You can let go now,” Simon told him. When Jace just frowned in confusion, he leaned over and tapped Jace’s biceps, grinning.

Jace felt himself flush as he uncurled his fingers from the headboard and lowered his arms, rolling his shoulders to ease the faint ache. He’d forgotten he was even still holding on. He wracked his brain for something to say, anything that would save him from having to think about how easy it had been to do what Simon told him to do, how much he’d wanted to.

“So, you hate me that much, huh?”

Simon’s bark of laughter was incredulous. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, exactly that much.” There was that look in his eyes again, the one Jace couldn’t place, but Simon tore his gaze away before he could tease it out.

“You could stay in here tonight,” Simon said with deliberate casualness, and Jace felt his heart stutter in his chest. “You know, if you want.”

He wanted it so much it was almost a physical ache.

“I’ve got early class,” he said instead. He was keenly aware of all those loose threads Simon had inadvertently spent the last couple hours pulling apart, ready to unravel him completely with just the right tug. He rolled out of Simon’s bed. “I’m just going to take a quick shower and head to bed.”

“Sure,” Simon said. “Of course. That makes total sense. Um. Sleep well.”

“Yeah, you too,” Jace said, grabbing his clothes from the floor as an excuse not to look at Simon. He knew he wouldn’t be able to say no if Simon asked again.

Simon didn’t.

#shadowhunters #shmb2021 #jimon #jimon fic #jace wayland #simon lewis

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hag-rambling-on · 3 years

Text

Fairy Transformations

Yes, they can go back to a previous form. Except Charmix, read it.

WARNING LONG POST

Winx - Yes

The most difficult of transformations, even if you only need to do it ONE time. And then the other times, to transform you again are optional. Love yourself. The wings are of medium-small size AND the only ones purely solid, like extra appendages. They move like the wings of a hummingbird.

Charmix - Yes/Redesign. Actually there are many types of Charmix.

Charmix is what you call the temporary boost or power up, the antechamber you can summon while chasing a transformation, while fighting/training/searching for said form. It usually invokes the wings and superimposes some other characteristic detail of said transformation with your current form.

Obviously It's temporary and once you get the transformation you're looking for, you never get THAT Charmix again. Like If you was searching for the Believix, you lost your Charmix/Believix but still can get the Charmix/Enchantix, or if you were in Enchantix your Enchantix-Charmix/Believix.

I already said in another post, fairies spend a year shaping their basic fairy look - sometimes with hilarious results - until it stabilizes. The charmix is a similar process... but easier, more directed, more focused since unlike the basic form, you have a good foundation and an clear objective where the Winx was a doubtful jump where you did not see the end.

Enchantix - Yes

Sacrifice - but not - for others. Love others, apreciate others lifes. But not from a point your conscience perceive ir as selfish. Big but not solid wings, although fairies can perceive them as both an appendage and an extra sense. Most wings feel like this.

Believix - Yes

To be loved, believed by others. Very big wings too. Like basic ones, also like hummingbirds. It is highly influenced by the people around you, but it also allows you to influence them. Not many people use it. But it has a lot of potential.

Gifts of Destiny: Sophix/Lovix are reinvented, as they do not exist as this transformation per se. These are environmental transformations and some winx manage to win these in Believix.

Harmonix - Yes

It’s have a witch equivalent form.

A better form than enchantix, which works to face easyly any Realms Transformations (Life, Death, Space/Time, Dreams, Magic). So to get like all the new forms under here, you theoretically want to have the Harmonix first. Unless an Ethereal gives you a quick pass (which is what happens to the Winx with the Forestix and the Polarix). Kinda, love the world, the universe where you lives.

This is because the Harmonix gives you an overall boost in all magical abilities and allows you to move through all environments to some degree.

... I'd better redesign the costumes a bit because suddenly this is the most important transformation.

Ok, pre-series??? the easiest, trickiest of the roads to getting the Harmonix, was to go to Domino and have the "ok, just go away I’m working, gesh, I can believe I must donate 1h of my time every day to this” of someone from the royal family. Since they are "blessed" by an Ethereal on our planet of existence.

The other way is to go to a crossing of ley lines and open your magic core to natural magic, manifesting your resolution. The world is semi conscious, it does not care if you are good or bad, it look at your determination and if you do not let yourself be carried away by the waves, because as the weather changes, on the ley lines, the magic changes too, it can be overwhelming.

“Elemental” -More like Envionmental ones, Life Realm

My equivalent to: Sirenix, Sophix, Lovix, Greenix etctera.

Do not had exacty witch equivalents but their harmonix get the alltogether called Milieu Talismans.

You don't need the Harmonix for them, but it makes it easier.

To get these forms you are supposed to do a search for a special object at each transformation. If you have been able to tune into natural magic, it is a matter of doing it again and it will give you a vision. With time limit. You have to interpret the vision and complete the mision. Of course, if you love where you are, the mission is feels easy because you know how to move.

These are "blessed" by the Great Dragon, since they are transformations that affect the Plane of Life, so Bloom gets a +1 in all and usually seems the strongest one, minus in the Desertix, here +3.

Polarix: Won by the Winx during their Believix period. The perfect transformation for ice or snow users, for those living in the taiga, tundra, polar deserts or even the arctic. It has the peculiarity of covering the whole body, either with tights and long sleeves and translucent materials or clothes that really look warm. Fluffy it’s best, but also geometric details. Equivalent to the Lovix one.

Forestix: Won by the Winx during their Believix period. With details of flowers, branches, leaves, moss, mushrooms. Anything of a vegetable or fungus environment. It gives Flora more strength (+2) and she keeps its as her default form if there is any problem with their current one. Equivalent to the Sophix one.

Desertix: Deserts, savannas. Increases heat tolerance and and temperature changes in general, favors fire, fire related and crystal attacks. It would favor Bloom, if she got it. The wings give a rough impression, like swirling sand or fire.

Cavernix: Suitable for life in the deep Earth. Helps with pressure, darkness, temperature changes, lack of oxygen. Their outfits and wings show rigid lines and some kind of gem depending on the person. It would favor Diaspro if I had it. In fact, it also would favors Musa, because it boosts her ultrasounds.

Mountainix: A tactical agreement between heaven and earth. Altitude, lower oxygen, low temperatures. It is a form quite sought after by people who want a general boost in their magic since it takes up a bit of everything. This would be the best for Tecna as is a liminal transformation, as her magic is -liminal I mean- which tapes natural and artificial magics-

Skyix: If you want to live uniquely and exclusively in heaven, this is your transformation. If your magic revolves around the weather or winds, this is your transformation. Sometimes people get it accidentally while looking for the Mountainix. The ears disappear and the eyes change to adapt to strong winds and harsh weather. Featherlike wings.

Mermaidix: A form adapted to life in the oceans and the depths, includes beaches, mangroves, etc. It can tolerate unsalted water, but not too well (marshes). It gives Aisha more strength. Wear details of the sea such as algae, corals, shells, starfish, sea dollars, etc and the wings become a little they act more like a dorsal fin, also, mermaid/octopi/jellyfish tails. Equivalent to the Sirenix.

Naiadix: The transformation akin of people of fresh waters like fountains, wells, springs, streams and brooks. Includes swamps and bogs. It can tolerate salty water, but not too well (marshes). Use very delicate fabrics, reeds, wild rice, water lilies and some other ornamental flowers. It maintains the legs but swimming membranes appear on the hands, feet and ears, the wings shrink to be more dynamic. It’s cries “wet”. Also favors Aisha.

Cosmix: This form doesn't actually fall under the Great Dragon, but the Ethereal that dominates it can't be bothered to cares. To get it you have to befriend a Lumen. Who are creatures that live in their stars (not planets). It allows you to move through space. Favors Stella.

MORIX AND SOMNIX, Death and Dreams Realms - mine and retouched dreamix/onyrix

They had witch equivalents.

Morix - The transformation blessed by the Phoenix. You must have Harmonix. A very misunderstood transformation, it allows you to communicate with the world of the dead, rest agitated spirits and the people they left here, not just summon zombies -which look like shadows. And you are sooo much harder to kill. It also increases your healing abilities, humans and nature related. [Not all Good is purely Good. And not all Evil is purely Evil.] Ripped, gnawed clothes. Their wings barely move. Darkar is a Morix Fae in this rewinxing. Witches from almost dying a couple of times can access this form. That's bad and sad and traumatic. And it doesn't work for fairies. It is a complicated transformation for the fairies if you have not received it as a gift. Accepting and welcoming death as part of life, especially for such long lives, is difficult.

Dreamix - CANCELLED, Harmonix acting as this au charmix. Time limit.

Somnix- You must have Harmonix. SO, kinda transformation blessed by another Ethereal but this one usually kinda say hi to people more frecuently (in their dreams -no joking). Then you have to immerse yourself in a magical induced dream, come out of your own dream and find the Door to the Ethereal Palace and get an ok. Or unconsciously wander outside of your own dreams long enough to collect energy from the Dream Plane. On the Plane of Dreams which watch out, it's a realm of dreams and nightmares. Good thing fairies attrack good dreams... normally. It’s the Onyrix one.

Bloomix - As much as it is one of my favorite designs when it comes to outfits... Cancelled.

It’s simply tuning in to a ley line and recharging in this au, although it is crazy, like having a broken leg, fixing it, getting high and going for a run, it is better to give some time or meditate, just meditate... unless you do it as a group in a wild magic crossroad and don’t die in the attempt I guess. Then Wild Renmants.

Faunix - Yes

Love and be loved by an animal. If Roxy were a fairy in rewinxing (here is a witch), she would have gotten this form by default.

Tynix - Cancelled

Along with MiniWorlds There are many planets, there are nature reserves. And if there wasn't, from enchantix you can miniaturize yourself.

Mythix -... YES

Ugg... I REALLY DON’T LIKE THIS FORM AT ALL. redesign redesign, REDESIGN.... *note to seft, armor, give the armor I delete in Bloomix*

Can be use by a witch, or even a specialist, Mike or Vanessa, same name.

You must prove themselves before any of the Seven Ancestral Rods. All identical in form and color, except when used. They contain the fragments of conscience and magic of their former users. And they demand fragments of yours to be used, so that each next user who comes is more worthy of their power and gets even stronger. Commit.

So it's someone else's clothes with little, very little influences from you. It includes armor -because I want- Because the Ancient Ones were prepared to die.

NYMPHIX - my version

Has a witch equivalent.

Only achieved by those who have achieved ... all of the different Realms. Daphne has it.. because, she's Dahne. And she is older than she looks.

A long robe-tunic-flowy cloth, any style, just a single accessory, bare feet.

You also have to pass a test somewhere in Magix or Hike's asteroid belt remains, but not even nymphs / lampads can share that information even if they want!.

PHILAUTHIX - NEW

This is a hypothesized form only. Or seen in precognitive visions "what if?" 1/-

Its looks like an ageless version of the winx form. With bigger wings, intricate details only appreciable up close, intangible.

Winx form is achieved by feeling proud or with yourself for a moment, and that memory is the activator of the subsequent transformations.

Philauntix It is achieved by loving yourself (2.0), the good and the bad, what you did, are doing and what you will do. Not forgiving it, loving it. And not for a second, it has to be something frequent enough that energy has been stored for a while to activate this transformation.

ENKIX - NEW

Believed it was only obtained by those who have obtained in Nymphix... until the Winx obtained it. Be loved... by a Ethernal.

The last transformation for the last Realm. Magic. Magic at its Purest Form.

There may be more transformations based on things that people love. Music, travel. Or in different acts of love. Kill for love, surrender, give up something IMPORTANT for love. But I'm not going to start designing more.

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allsassnoclass · 3 years

Text

maybe I wrote an off-screen epilogue scene. maybe I didn’t. click the keep reading button to find out

warnings for mentions of weed and a mention of meds

December 26th dawns slowly over the mountains of Colorado, the sun creeping over the landscape like molasses, and Luke wakes up in the same way. He stays in the murky space between dreams and waking for a long time, floating through his subconscious until Ashton’s gentle fingers trailing up and down his arm finally pull him back to earth and wakefulness.

“Hey there, angel,” Ashton says, shifting to kiss his bare shoulder. “Good morning, my love.”

“Morning,” Luke hums, turning on to his back so he can see him. This bed is smaller than the one at their LA house, pushing them closer together and reminding Luke of the months in Utah back when they first got together and earlier this year, when Luke stayed with him for most of fall semester.

Ashton smiles at him, hazel eyes crinkling around the edges.

“Waking up to you is the best way to wake up,” Luke says, voice scratchy from disuse. It’s something he’s told Ashton multiple times, but it always bears repeating, and it never fails to make Ashton melt a little. He reaches forward and brushes Luke’s hair out of his face, hand curling against his cheek. Luke leans forward and kisses him, warm and slow, stubble scratching his face and mouths stale with morning breath. Ashton hums contentedly when they pull away, eyes staying closed half a moment longer than Luke’s.

“What time is it?” Luke asks.

“Mid-morning,” Ashton replies.

“Petunia?”

“Already took her out and gave her breakfast.”

“I love you,” Luke says. Ashton can claim to dislike Petunia all he wants, but that doesn’t change the fact that over the course of quarantine he has been the one giving her more treats and belly rubs. His willingness to get up with her in the morning means Luke is free to stay in bed as long as he wants, and since Ashton returned he can keep him here, too.

“What do you want to do today?” Ashton asks.

“Be with you,” Luke says. That was partially why they decided to come to Colorado for Christmas. Ashton wanted a little bit of snow and Luke wanted to spend uninterrupted time with him. When spring semester starts, Ashton will be heading back to Utah alone. Luke has been writing and recording a lot of smaller projects in his home studio that will likely never see the light of day, but beginning in January the band is going to have recording time together again. He’s needed with them, so he and Ashton will be long-distance until the semester ends since the university isn’t having a spring break and they won’t be traveling more than necessary in the pandemic.

“You don’t have a choice out here,” Ashton says. “The cabin isn’t that big, my heart.”

“Good,” Luke says, hand sliding down Ashton’s waist. His pet names have been getting increasingly diverse throughout quarantine, and each one still manages to give Luke heart palpitations, even the weird ones like thunder cat and lemon zest.

He leans forward to kiss him again, shifting easily when Ashton tugs to guide him on top, thighs bracketing Ashton’s waist. Ashton moves his palms to rest heavily on his legs, and when Luke leans back he’s met with the sight of his black hair messy against the white pillow, a ray of sun illuminating his face and making him glow.

He runs his knuckles along the scruffy beginnings of a beard Ashton has been letting himself grow since classes ended. It’s prickly, but Ashton doesn’t stop him, just watches with a smile.

“You’re so handsome, Ash,” he says. The eclectic mountain man vibe he’s been leaning into shouldn’t work, but somehow Luke looks at him and is still as enamoured as he was with the adorable boy he didn’t realize he loved and the beautiful man he married.

“Take a picture. It’ll last longer,” Ashton says. Luke moves his hands to the smooth planes of his chest, keeping himself propped up.

“I think that’s your expertise,” he says, reminded of the hundreds of photographs stored on Ashton’s phone or various sim cards around the house, all filled with Luke in various moods, positions, styles, and states of dress. One of Ashton’s goals for their summer together was to bring his photography skills up to par with his painting, and with lockdown Luke was the only convenient subject.

They have some pictures that they’ll never show anyone, and there are a few that Luke has considered showing the world. Needless to say, Ashton is his favorite photographer.

“I wish I had my camera now,” Ashton says. “Every inch of you is exquisite, and with the way you’re backlit by the sun you look ethereal. If I could capture the expression on your face I would never take another picture again, because none of them would compare.”

He doesn’t yet have the words to respond to that, so he leans down and kisses Ashton again, and again, and again.

-/-

After wasting the entire morning together under the covers and grabbing something quick to eat, Luke and Ashton go for a walk. It’s not cold enough to be unpleasant, and the cabin has woods to one side with paths stomped down throughout. They soon lose sight of the house behind them. Luke hopes they’ll be able to find their way back when the time comes, but if they get lost at least they’ll be together.

“This year was a lot better than it should have been,” Ashton says.

“What do you mean?”

“There’s a global pandemic going on. There have been thousands of needless deaths, cancelled plans, and teaching was significantly harder and less fun, but I think this year was my happiest year since I can remember. I feel really good about my art. I feel like I’m more aware of the world around me. I’ve stopped feeling as self-conscious. I finally got put on meds that work, and I’m actively enjoying my life.”

“You smoked a lot of weed.”

Ashton laughs.

“Yeah, I smoked a lot of weed, but I kept it professional at school.”

“Some of your students’ works would’ve been even better if you were high while seeing them for the first time.”

“Luke,” Ashton admonishes. “I’m not trying to get fired. I need the administration for reference letters since I’m job searching near LA now.”

Luke stops walking, letting Ashton carry on without him for a few steps.

“You’re job searching?”

“I am.” He backtracks, meeting Luke where he is and taking his hands. “Luke, I’m not stupid. I know that the reason this year didn’t suck was because it was the first year I got to fully spend with you. You are the love of my life, and I don’t want to try living my life without you for eight months of the year anymore. When you’re not traveling around the world dazzling people with your talent, I want to be with you at home. I love teaching, and I’m going to keep trying to do that, but after this semester I’m moving to LA permanently whether I have something else lined up or not.”

“Oh,” Luke says. “I thought you loved Utah. You have friends there, and students. Are you sure you want to leave that?”

This past semester, Luke was able to fully witness Ashton as a teacher. When he wasn’t on campus, Luke got full exposure to his joys and frustrations. He sympathized with him over administrative decisions and safety protocols and got to see pictures and video tours of the art submissions that Ashton wasn’t able to see in person.

He gave Daisy an encouraging voice note for finals, because she’s been struggling with trying to complete her senior project given the circumstances and Ashton asked him to since she’s his favorite.

“I have friends here, too, and there will be other students,” Ashton says. “Even if that wasn’t the case, being with you would be worth it.”

Luke’s heart feels full to bursting.

“Really?” he asks, needing one more confirmation that his dream is going to come true before he lets himself believe it.

“Yes, my sweet. I’m moving to LA with you for as long as you make that city your home.”

Luke kisses him because the other option is to start crying, something which he doesn’t want to do when they’re out in the cold.

“I think this was one of my best years, too,” Luke confesses.

He came out and then almost immediately deleted his social media from his phone. He’s learned more about what it means to be a good ally. He’s grown as a songwriter, stretching himself with different genres and working on his piano skills more, writing dozens of love songs for Ashton and silly ones for Petunia, bad ones, good ones, and amazing ones for himself and for the band. He figured out what it really means to be a husband, sharing his life with Ashton and able to physically be there for the bad days they both had and celebrate the joyful ones.

Things haven’t been perfect by any means. They had to postpone the tour, they can’t see anyone, and it often feels like the world is on fire. Still, though, he’s had Ashton.

Through all of this, he’s had Ashton, and after this semester he’ll always have him with him.

“You’ve been glowing,” Ashton says. “I’m glad I got to experience it with you.”

“Me too,” Luke says. “I love you.”

Ashton kisses his nose.

“I love you, too.”

They continue their walk hand in hand, enjoying the fresh air. Ashton points out signs that animals had been there and Luke ensures that he doesn’t run into any trees while he’s not paying attention to where he’s walking. The path turns out to be a big loop, and soon they can see other cabins again and then their own back door.

“Wait,” Ashton says before they go inside. “I want to jump in the snow. Film it for my instagram.”

Ashton has a professional artist social media, but he also has a private instagram that he posts on frequently. Luke has gotten very used to snapping pictures or videos for him, always endeared by which pieces of his life Ashton wants to share with the rest of the world.

Ashton takes off his coat for the video and faceplants with a kerplunk. As soon as he’s done filming, Luke is laughing.

“That was fun,” Ashton says when he hands his phone back to him. “Want to make snow angels?”

“No, Ash, I want to go inside,” Luke says. He gets no warning before Ashton has arms around his waist, tackling him down into the snow and making Luke shriek.

“You’re so lucky I love you,” Luke laughs, poking Ashton’s pink nose with his glove. Ashton beams above him.

“Can we go inside now?” Luke asks. Ashton hums, then snaps a picture with his phone.

“Now we can,” he says, getting up and offering Luke a hand. Luke lets Ashton haul him up, then they finally enter the cabin again, stomping snow off their boots and brushing it from their coats.

They don’t have any plans for the rest of the day, or the rest of their stay in Colorado in general, but Luke couldn’t care less about what they’re going to do. He gets to spend the rest of the holiday with Ashton, and then the rest of his life with him. Soon they’ll be permanently in the same house again, and he couldn’t be happier.

If Ashton managed to transform an awful year into a good one, Luke can’t wait to experience all of the amazing years ahead with him right by his side where he belongs.

#my writing #lashton #off-screen #how wild would it have been if I put a rick roll under there instead #would I have lost followers for that #okay now you Actually get a break from me.#going to not post writing for a week (but I am going to work on some inbox prompts)#can ya'll believe I still only have 285 words of the off screen prequel written and I don't even like them????#also! for your own thinking enjoyment: how much of ashton's quarantine chaos energy would still exist if he had to be a professor #like how wild is off-screen December 26 2020 ashton? who knows #I think he is slightly less wild than actual current Ashton but Not By Much #ashton's always been a goofy dude it's just manifesting differently right now #off screen

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onlyssca · 4 years

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Would you date me ? // byler fic

Summary: Mike asked Will to be his fake boyfriend at a relative's wedding, so he could piss off his homophobic family. And if they're going to pretend to be boyfriends, might as well act like real ones right?

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22338424?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#main

“I’m gay”

Those 2 words sucked all the noise of the room, making it an agonizing silence longing between the two boys. It wasn’t the first time Will had said those words out loud but, this time he felt a lot more nervous. Probably because it was his opinion that he valued the most.

The first person he ever came out to was his mother. He and his mother were always really close. He knew she wouldn’t be mad but it stayed tough to admit. He then planed on coming out to his brother, Jonathan, but didn’t have to. Jonathan had made it pretty clear in the past that he was aware of his attraction to boys and was okay with it. Will knew he knew, and that was good enough.

He wanted so bad to tell his sister as well. They had grown really close and were almost inseparable. And this part of him he wasn’t sharing with her started to create a gap. El was somehow aware of it but also of the fact that Will wasn’t ready to explain why, and she respected that. But it felt wrong to come out to her before him.

Him being Mike Wheeler, of course. His best friend. The person he told everything, maybe more than to his own mother. Mike, the one boy who was always by his side, the boy who stood up for him, the boy who was always there when Will needed comfort. Mike Wheeler, the boy who he was madly in love with.

So yes, coming out to Mike was difficult.

They stayed silent for a couple of second, Mike lying on his belly on Will’s bed, him sitting legs crossed a foot away from him; and right before Will started to regret his confession Mike spoke.

“Okay”

Will looked up to meet his eyes. Mike almost looked emotionless; like Will had just asked something as mundane as if he wanted mustard or ketchup on his hotdog. “You- you’re not mad?” Will stopped pulling the tiny part of skin near his fingertips.

“Mad? Will, why would I be mad?” Mike sat up, ruffling the paper sheets next to him. He gave Will a reassuring smile.

“I don’t know, some people would find me disgusting if they knew and I don’t know I-”

“Yeah, but I don’t. To me you’re still the same” He smiled and put his hand on his best friend’s. “It doesn’t matter who makes you feel fuzzy. Boys, girls who cares right?” Will wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction. He had hoped with all his heart that Mike would be accepting but his speech was weirdly open minded, too open minded.

“Are you…” He couldn’t be but Will had to be sure. “Into boys as well?” He finally found the courage to ask.

“Who me? No.” Mike said shaking his head. He didn’t sound offended. He even smiled. “Why? Are you interested?” Mike teased Will, oblivious that the answer was a big fat yes.

“N-no! It’s just you seem so chill about it, sorry”

“No it’s cool” He casually said.

“Cool” Will repeated.

“Anyway, what’d you got for question 5?” Mike simply went back to their homework as if that conversation meant nothing, or never even happened.

“Um, 25”

“Shit I got 56”

Years passed but Will’s crush didn’t, it was slowly turning into something more intense. Back in 10th grade, he tried dating a boy he met at the arcade to get over his best friend. It didn’t work. Will didn’t date anyone else after that. Mike on the other hand, had become quite the womanizer. Will couldn’t blame him; he went from a soft cute child to the hottest boy in the whole school.

So yes, Mike dated a lot. Always coming back to Will at the end of the day, saying that he’ll never find the one. Will’s heart sank when, one day, Mike mentioned that he’d need someone like Will. And of course both of them acted like Mike had never said that. It took a couple of other months for Will to inform the rest of the party that he liked boys. Everyone was accepting and supportive.

***

“Would you date me?” Mike asked out of the blue. Will who was inconveniently drinking at the same time choked a little on his drink.

“Excuse me?” Will managed to say after catching his breath. He placed his glass on the coffee table.

“I mean hypothetically would you?” Mike still had that serene expression when evoking that kind of subject, compared to Will whose head was always on the verge of exploding.

How was he supposed to answer that? Saying yes would mean hinting his attraction towards the boy, too close to the truth, saying yes meant danger. But saying no would mean lying and risking to hurt Mike’s feeling.

“I mean yeah” Will said after almost a minute of reflection which might have been worse than answering right away.

“Cool… because there’s this wedding I need to attend and I was hopping you’d be my date” Mike saw Will’s confused expression and clarified his proposition. “like pretend to be my boyfriend?” Will couldn’t believe what was happening. His heart was going full speed at this point.

“I mean yeah but wouldn’t it be easier to find a girl? Also more believable” Will tried to reason Mike but more importantly, himself.

“Well maybe I’m into boys as well as girls” Whatever was going on inside Will’s mind seconds ago got deleted by this one sentence. “I mean Johnny Depp’s pretty hot but so is Phoebe Cates, you know what I mean?”

“Not really but-”

“And I mean it’s not like I’ve never… you know” Will’s mind was a total blank at this point, still not processing the idea that Mike could like boys the same way he did.

“I really don’t” Will said.

“All I’m saying is that there is not much differences between kissing a boy and kissing a girl” Mike said and that was what broke the glass wall Wil was hiding behind. The wall that would hold the informations from going to Will’s brain. He stayed silent for a moment still in shock, but tried his best to keep a straight face.

“I guess, although there are differences” Will added.

“Oh yeah I know” Mike said, a little bit, too confidently. If Will was shocked before he now had lost the ability to function. Body frozen, his brain overheating as he tried to connect the dots. And the conclusion he came to kind of scared him for some reason.

“Wait, just so we’re clear. Are you telling me you’ve had sex with a boy?” Will didn’t know if he wanted the answer but his mouth was faster than his brain.

“Not all the way but, yeah pretty much I guess” Mike said nonchalantly. “So what do you say?” Mike changed the subject, looked at him right in the eyes.

“Sure,” Was all Will could say. “When is it?”

“Next week, 21st of July” Mike said.

“Okay, do I need to wear anything in particular?” Will had never been to a wedding.

“No, just a button up shirt I guess. You don’t have to go full tuxedo, unless you want to” Mike said.

Will went home that day looking for an appropriate outfit. He looked through his clothes but he found nothing he liked. He thought of asking his mother but went to look through Jonathan’s old clothes. He had left for college a couple of years ago but some of his stuff were still around.

“Hey buddy, what are you doing?” Will jumped not expecting anyone home. He turned around and saw his brother, leaning on the doorframe of the room.

“Jonathan! I didn’t know you were coming back for summer break!” Will said going for a hug.

“I told mom on the phone a couple of days ago. Didn’t she tell you?” He hugged his brother back.

“I guess not... El’s at Max’s but I can call if you w-”

“No no, don’t worry I’m staying so I’ll see her later”

“Okay” Will said enthusiastically. He had missed his brother. Jonathan looked over Will’s shoulder and noticed the box of clothes on the floor.

“What’s all this?” He asked, his head nodding towards the box. Will turned around.

“Oh um, I’m looking for a button up shirt, a nice one” Will replied.

“Why? Do you have a date?” Jonathan smiled and lifting his eyebrows up. Will blushed.

“Oh no! Just going to a wedding” He explained, although his brother looked even more confused. “Mike asked me to be his date for one of his relative’s wedding” He quickly regretted his choice of words seeing the facial expression of his brother. “Don’t give me that look it’s, it’s not like that. He asked me to be his fake boyfriend.”

“Fake boyfriend? That’s pretty odd… why not just ask you to come as a friend?” Jonathan asked really confused. Will frowned. Somehow, in his state of ethereal panic when Mike asked him, he didn’t realize how weird it was.

“I-I don’t know…” Will looked down feeling like an idiot for still being in love with the same person for almost 10 years and them not reciprocating the feelings.

“I’m sorry” Jonathan put his hand on Will’s shoulder giving him a pitiful look. He knew. “Come on let’s find you the most stunning shirt we can!”

***

On the 21st the Wheelers came to pick up Will. Nancy couldn’t make it, which was why they only took one car. Mike got out of the car and walked to the Byers-Hoppers’ front door. Will opened the door to see Mike who was wearing black tuxedo pants, a light blue, almost white, shirt with a loosened navy tie. Will was wearing dark grey pants, his shirt was white with a red tie around the collar, and a dark grey vest matching his pants. He held his tuxedo jacket in his hands.

Will didn’t have time to greet Mike because as soon as the door was open and he was reachable, Mike slid his hand on Will’s wait bringing him closer. He leaned in and kissed Will right on the lips. Taken aback Will almost dropped his jacket on the floor. The kiss lasted about five seconds. Will couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes like Mike did.

“Why did you do that?” Will asked, eyes so wide.

“We’re supposed to pretend to be boyfriends, might as well act like real ones” Mike explained. “You look great by the way” Mike said before taking his hand and leading him to the car. Will forgot to thank him as worry started to take over his shock.

“What about your parents?” Will asked.

“They’re cool with it” He said climbing in the vehicle. Will following him and sat next to him as he greeted everyone.

“Hello kid” “Hi Will!” “Hello honey” All of the other Wheelers said at the same time. “Come on boys buckle up we’re a bit late” Karen said.

Will was a bit surprised by the fact that no one was bothered by the fact that Will was dating Mike. Mike explained, that he himself had thought his father would’ve been angrier about it but he simply didn’t care, totally unaware of the fact that his parents knew that if their son had to date a boy it would’ve been Will.

A moment after they had started driving Will felt Mike’s hand slid in his. He gazed at their hands then at Mike’s face. He was smiling at him. Will took a deep breath then relaxed into the touch and even leaned onto Mike’s arm. If he was going to pretend to be his boyfriend, he was going to enjoy every second of it because as soon as this day ends so does this.

They drove for about forty minute and finally arrived at the venue. The biggest area was outside where all the chairs and tables were, for the reception, as well as a dance floor with a faux ceiling of fairy lights. The place was huge and beautiful. Everything looked expensive and screamed ‘we have money’. Will knew the Wheelers were wealthier than his family but even the extended family was rich.

They entered the room where the ceremony would take place. Still holding hands Mike and Will followed Karen leading the way to the 5th row. They all sat down but Will felt nauseous all of a sudden. He felt stares on him and Mike and whispers here and there.

At first he thought that he was being paranoid, when they stood up for the bride’s entrance he met disgusted faces looking at them.

“Um... Mike?” Will tugged at his sleeve.

“Yeah?” Mike looked at Will giving him all his attention.

“Is your family homophobic?” Will asked the question that was bothering him as soon as he sat down on the white velvet chair.

“Uh yeah, some of them, why?” Mike said eyes wandering around the room.

“And you didn’t tell me?!” Will scream-whispered.

“Didn’t I mention it?”

“No you didn’t!!!” Mike didn’t understand why Will was so mad.

“Well, that’s kinda why I wanted you to come, so I could piss them off. My uncle’s a homophobic asshole so I thought I’d piss him off if I had a boyfriend.” Mike said calmly.

Will’s heart stopped. His shoulders dropped and he felt something in his stomach. His guts getting heavy. Was it the only reason? It would explain the ‘fake boyfriend’ thing… Will thought.

“Hey what’s going on?” Mike noticed Will’s sudden change of mood. He approached him, looking at his face closely trying to figure out the reason his best friend looked so down.

“Mike we could get hurt…” Will said and yes it wasn’t the main reason he felt sad but it was a big concern of his at this moment.

“Will look at me” Mike said lifting Will’s chin using his hand. “I will never let anything happen to you, you understand? Never” Mike said so seriously and with such sincerity in his voice. Will looked at him and saw the boy he fell in love with, and all his worry vanished.

“Okay” Will said nodding and smiling.

After the ceremony all the guests were invited to go eat the meal followed by the party that started right after the now married couple’s first dance together. The whispering and weird looks continued but Mike did everything he could to distract his boyfriend, and that meant kiss him by surprise, asking for, no, drag him to the dancefloor to swing to the music.

Will had seem to be distracted enough to forget all about it. Until one of Mike’s cousin, he assumed, went up to them.

“Hey Michael! I didn’t know you were a fairy?” He said supported by his friend’s laugh behind. Will let go of Mike and took a step away from him. Mike instantly put himself in front of Will, protecting him.

“Do you have a problem George?” Mike almost spat out.

“Yes actually. I don’t want faggots at brother’s wedding” He walked closer to them.

“Take that back!” Mike shouted over the music.

“No, you see I’m quite surprised. You don’t look queer” He said poking at Mike’s shoulder’s multiple times. Then pointed at Will. “Him on the oth-” Mike’s fist interrupting his cousin’s mouth.

It happened so fast that Will didn’t registered the action until he saw the man on the floor, lip bruised and already bleeding. He got back to his feet and punched back. Will was petrified and felt powerless. He watched the scene screaming in his head for them to stop.

His voice finally coming out when his eyes fell on Mike’s bleeding lips and red cheek. “Mike!” The fight didn’t go any further as people went to separate them. Will threw himself at Mike. He took his face between his hands.

“Are you okay?” He asked voice shaking, translating his worry.

“Sure! Never been better” Mike tried to lighten the situation with a joke that did not make Will laugh. Karen arrived near them and brought them in the kitchen of the venue to get some ice.

***

“Ouch” Mike winced as Will placed the ice patch against his cheek. Mike was sat on a counter, Will standing between his legs. They were no stranger to proximity and closeness, but this night, it became so natural for them, as if they were magnets.

“Sorry” Will said mimicking the boy’s facial expression.

“It’s okay” Mike said placing his hand on top of Will’s. They stared at each other’s eyes for god knows how long. They leaned a little eyes going down towards lips. Hearts racing but abruptly stopped when a member of the staff passed by, making Will drop his hand and them break eye contact. They waited to be alone again before they started speaking again. “Please don’t say it” Mike said.

“Say what?” Will asked.

“I told you so” Mike replied

“I told you so” Will did it anyway. Mike gave him a small smile. “You didn’t have to do that you know…” Will softly said.

“Do what?” Mike asked confused.

“Getting beat up just to defend me” Will looked down.

“Hey no! I couldn’t stand there listening to that asshole say those things about you, about us.” Mike placed the ice patch next to him and took, between his hands, Will’s face, who winced a little because of Mike’s frozen hand. His burning cheeks helping the hand getting warmer.

“Don’t ever do that again. Promise me.” Will looked so serious.

“No I can’t promise that, I told you I wouldn’t let anything happen to you and I meant it! You’re so important to me okay!” His brain was so dazed from his swollen lips and bruised cheeks, pain radiating in his whole face, which was why he had let this information slipped out of his mouth. Even though they both knew it, hearing Mike say it out loud felt different.

“Mike you don’t understand, I got so scared when I saw him punch you I… please” Will’s eyes getting wet as his voice was shaky. Mike licked the blood on his lips, thinking.

“Okay”

“Promise.” Will held his pinky finger in front of them. Mike looked amused, it’s been so long since they pinky promised something. They used to do it all the time when they were kids. Mike locked their fingers together.

“I promise” His hand quickly moved to hold his entire hand instead of just his pinky. His other hand on the back of the smaller boy’s head, bringing it closer allowing Mike to kiss his forehead. He stayed like this for some time, Will felt his whole body melt. He wiped off the blood stain after his lips left Will’s skin.

He looked around them, checking if anybody could see them, and no, no one was looking. He looked up and saw a bloody smile.

“You can stop pretending, no one’s looking” He took a wet cloth and gently rubbed the blood off Mike’s lips, which was useless as it was still bleeding a little.

“I’m not pretending” Mike said, putting Will’s hair behind his ear. The light touch made Will so weak. His heart was pounding in his chest; it was almost painful. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“Please stop, I’m begging you” Will desperately said avoiding eye contact.

“Stop what?” Mike got worried for half a second.

“Making me feel like this” He said. What do you mean? Was what Will could read on Mike’s face when he finally decided to raise his head. “Like I have a chance, like you could actually love me back”

“Back?” It was Mike’s voice’s turn to shake.

“Yeah Mike. I’m in love with you, have been for years. I honestly don’t know how you never noticed because I’m so weak for you” Will admitted. He was expecting a shocked expression painted on Mike’s face but his eyes met the boy, beaming at him. Will’s eyes flutter out of confusion.

“Why are you smiling?” Will asked.

Will started to panic. Was Mike gonna laugh at his face because of how stupid he was to love someone who will never love him back? He regretted telling this, he regretted coming to the wedding, he regretted agreeing to all of this. He… He tasted blood on his lips.

In his panic state he didn’t notice Mike leaning in to kiss him. Will closed his eyes and they moved their lips together spreading the iron taste on Will’s tongue. Will wasn’t aware of it but his whole body was shaking lightly. The kiss was slightly painful for Mike who didn’t kiss him for too long. They parted but stayed close nonetheless.

“What was that for?” Will said finally coming back to reality.

“For loving me back” Mike said softly.

“B-back?” A glimmer of hope shined in Will’s eyes.

“Yeah I did actually notice you loved me. It just took me a long time to fall for you too, or rather realized I had already fallen” Mike took Will’s hands in his. Will felt like he was floating on a cloud, not even noticing when staff members passed by anymore.

“When did you realized that?” Will had a lot of questions but this one came out first.

“Last year” Mike said looking down. Will let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. A mix of anger, sadness, confusion but mostly frustration took over Will.

“So you knew I was in love with you for years, then realized you loved me back but did nothing for a whole year?” He exclaimed, raising his voice a little.

“Yeah but I actually thought your feelings were gone because you dated that boy and… there’s college approaching and I don’t know I-” Mike struggled to explain. Will listened and waited for Mike to be finished, then waited a little longer, installing a silence between them.

“Now what? What do we do?” Will asked rubbing his thumb on Mike’s knee.

“I don’t know…” He looked at Will whose eyes were stuck on his own thumb drawing circles on Mike’s pants. “What I do know is that I love you.”

“You do?” Will glanced up, finding Mike staring directly at him, smiling.

“Yes! Hell, Will, you’re the love of my life, always have been, always will be, even though the love wasn’t romantic at first it sure is now!” Mike said like it was the clearest thing in his life, because it was. The words made Will melt into Mike’s arms. They also felt like a breath of fresh hair, like Will had been waiting all his life to hear them, like he could finally breathe again.

His eyes sparkled. “So what do you say? You want to give this a shot?” Mike asked, looking at Will through his eyelashes.

“Yes!” Will almost didn’t let Mike finish his question. He crashed his lips against Mike’s, who winced and pulled back.

“Ouch” Mike went to touch his bleeding lip.

“Sorry” Will’s awkward smile grew wider when he felt Mike’s lips back on his own.

#byler #byeler #byler fic #byeler fic #stranger things #mike wheeler #will byers #fake relationship #pretend relationship #friends to lovers #onlyssca writes

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robogreaser · 4 years

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This is a Long Time Coming...

It’s been a relatively hard task to sit down and make sense of, well, a lot of things as of late. I could chalk it up to the state of the world, but it’s been troublesome for significantly longer than that.

Long Story Short Version: I’ve been in a hell of a place, mentally, physically, and otherwise.

The proper story is a hell of a lot more involved than that and I know damned right well it’s going to take me a fair bit to explain myself and my various professional and social failings over the past... while. I’m gonna try to contain this under a read more, of course, but I apologize to mobile users if tumblr fucks that up.

Okay. That took a fair more bit of effort to figure out than I remember. Which, I suppose, is a fair enough bit of a segue into one thing that’s happened to me.

Tumblr has been deteriorating.

Whether I like to admit it or not, tumblr has been my go to social media platform since... 2011. Yeah. I’ve spent the vast majority of the decade here. I’ve seen a lot. Sure, I’ve lurked elsewhere, but I really cannot stand the interface and nature of a lot of other social media, especially the likes of twitter. Unfortunately for me, this place has been in constant decline for years now at this point. It extends well beyond the porn ban, but that’s a whole separate discussion.

I’ve lost touch with a lot of people I care about, some vanishing into the ether, some ghosting me, some just drifting into other communities or onto other sites. I’ve come to terms with the majority of this. It’s been happening for a while. It’s the very nature of digital relationships. It hurt, and I do think it’s contributed to a fair bit of stress and depression that has resulted in my... withdrawal from online spaces. It’s not a major factor, but its here, it’s present, it’s a factor in all of this.

I’ll be honest in that, well, I’ve tried to make this post several times over the past several weeks and months. It’s hard. Talking about my issues, using ‘I’ and ‘me’ so much in a post... it’s a bit jarring. But I’ll try to suck it up.

It’s been ten years (god I fucking hate time) since I’ve graduated high school. Yeah. It’s a fair thing to say that, on reflection, that’s incredibly jarring. The vast majority of that time has been... relatively unstable. I spent a fair few years working on my book and my publishing journey, now all but scrubbed clean from this blog (more on that later) and... well... Trying to be an adult. I’ve applied to, gotten accepted, and had to withdrawn from my dream school twice in this time. I’ve had a fair few jobs, nothing worthy of my resume, and lost all of them in one form or another, whether being fired for retaliating to my shitty work conditions, or, well, quitting for the sake of my own health during this pandemic. There has been a lot of family troubles. I’ve been through a lot of... ‘varied’ living situations, some horrendous, some just stressful, some, like now, actually really good compared to the others. And for the past few years in particular, it’s been constantly one thing after another, nonstop.

In short, progress is slow, but it’s happening. I don’t care to delve into a lot of these sorts of personal details lest this get to a ridiculous length, but that’s the short of the stuff I’d rather gloss over.

I’ve been on a health... Let’s call it a journey. I’ve been on a health journey. Over the past few years I’ve gone through the long processes of being diagnosed with ADHD, discussing my options regarding my depression and anxiety, and finally getting myself on a medication regimen that works. And then, because the health care system is a joke, I was without insurance. I had been off my medication, an absolute lifesaver and release of burden on my garbage tier brain, for eighteen months. Until last week. I think it’s fair to say, between my revolving door of living situations, employment, and then being un-medicated in a continually more stressful environment... That this is the main reason I’ve been absent. I’ve had no focus. There were weeks where I had no drive to do anything outside of routine that others depended on. I had not only gone back to how I was before situating my mental health, but in some ways, found a worse state.

Finances have been slowly eating away at me. I had been working a part time retail job until November, which made decent enough money, but not nearly for the amount of work and responsibility I was handling. I got fired. I found work with one of the big, corporate postal services. The pay was phenomenal, but it began to actively destroy my health, mainly physically, but also mentally, especially considering I was working a graveyard shift. Eventually when I began having prolonged health issues there, and then a whole lot of the symptoms of covid-19, on top of them turning me down for an entry-level position outside of the package handling, I had to quit. This was shortly after the lockdowns, in early April, and I refuse to look back despite people like my parents insisting on me trying to get work there again. Sure, the pay was phenomenal compared to anything else I had until then, but I cant continue to sacrifice my health. As of now, I’m unemployed, and... well...

I’m working on my commission queue. It’s art. It’s stuff I’ve owed friends (luckily those who are incredibly understanding and good to me) for an embarrassing amount of time, even before moving to and from Oklahoma at the end of 2016. I’m terrified of being the person who is known for taking commissioners’ money and running.

I know, I’m not good at giving updates. I’m not good at a consistent work schedule. I’ve had numerous tech failings over the past few years that constantly slow my roll on any progress I have made. Hell, I’ve had files corrupt despite being two thirds of the way complete when transferring from one computer to another. I’ve lost my cable for my external hard drive. I’ve had my tablet go to hell and back multiple times. But I am working. I am trying. I am sitting down as often as I can between looking for work and managing family nonsense to try and get my workload tidied up.

Which... brings me to my next point. And one I’m rather... ashamed about.

I have used trello, infrequently, since taking on a large load of commissions, and despite not being faithfully updating it and checking back on it, and using it to it’s fullest potential, I had kept, at the minimum, a list of all the work I did owe people using it. Well. Dumbass me attempted to use a mobile app. In short, in an effort to try and make myself tech literate and allow me easier access to my queue, I ended up deleting it. Somehow.

I’ve gone through and slowly flagged all my paypal notices and various emails concerning my commissions. I’m putting it together again. I’m trying. Granted, I am damned sure I am going to be missing someone, somewhere, somehow. I know it. I’ve got a shit brain, and despite my need for organization and minimalism, I don’t put it past me to have missed something along the way.

If you have commissioned me, please, do not hesitate to reach out and contact me regarding your commission. I owe every last one of you a massive apology for my continued failure to produce what you have paid for.

More likely than not, I have a wip already started somewhere, and if not, I have a slew of reference and thumbnails already compiled together somewhere on my computers. I am not ignoring this work. It’s been painfully, embarrassingly slow. It’s been one obstacle after another. But I have every intention of doing this work, and, likely, upgrading the quality of the finished piece past what my commissioners have paid for simply because I do feel bad about the wait time.

I have been inexcusably unprofessional. I know this and I am working as best I can with the time and resources I have to correct it.

In a similar vein, as I mentioned before, I have slowly been cleaning up my rather unimpressive publishing attempts. I’ve gone through and cleaned this blog recently, deleting reference to my work by name and the process of trying to get myself published. I may have missed a few posts here and there, but for the most part I would like a clean slate in regards to building a social media platform surrounding my written work. And this is the part where... I am probably going to be the most upfront and honest with you reading this than I have been publicly before.

I am not ashamed of who I’ve been online these past ten years or so, but it reflects only a sliver of my personality, a sliver of who I am as a whole. I catered to a very specific subset of who I am in pursuit of finding acceptance in communities much larger than myself. I’ve learned a hell of a lot about myself in that time. I figured out what’s important to me, my health, my sexuality, my relationships and my long term goals. I’ve found a very important group of friends. I’ve found people who understand and empathize with a lot of the things I have been through, experience, and am at my core.

But the fact of the matter is, this hypersexual, sci-fi aesthetic-oriented, very open person is only a singular facet. And it is not nearly enough of a reflection of who I am, or who I want to be as a professional, public adult. Will I always be gay for robots? Yes. Will I, when time permits and creative energies are present, continue to make nsfw art? Absolutely. Will I always have a toe dipped in erotic literature and the like? Most likely.

But a lot of me, a lot of my emotion and strife and feelings regarding most things in the world, are completely separate from this. It’s separate from me liking porn on twitter or having a homestuck roleplay blog. It’s separate from who I am in real life, with my boyfriend or with my family or with my work. And I have been dwelling on this, sincerely, for a while. I need to allocate more energy into my life. The separate life offline and online too, where I am pursuing an actual professional career, because, at the end of the day, I want to be an author. I want to have a career telling stories. And, in my time online, I’ve found a lot of skeletons in authors’ closets, the kind that really put mine to shame, and the kind that will always be a footnote to their work. You know the ones.

I want my creative work to speak for itself. I want people to be able to enjoy what I do without a specter, without my time and energy having to explain to a future audience why it is I had explicit thoughts about x,y, and z. I want to be able to write a book, write many books, and have people enjoy them without a footnote about me, a person with a sexual life and a history exploring it through years of depression and isolation, clouding it. It’s not fair to my work. It’s not fair to a future reader. It’s not fair to me.

I’ve got several social media accounts made and slowly coming to life that I need to spend more time with as I try and pursue this new, second leg of a very long journey into publishing. I’m not going to link those here, now or in the future. It’s likely a few people I know and trust have access to them. But I am, effectively starting over from scratch trying to build a platform as a writer. And it’s hard. Juggling that, alongside all of the things in the world today, alongside family and my relationships, alongside my commission queue? It bears down on me and if I didn’t have experience handling more than one thing at a time, I might trip up more frequently. Hell, I forget to post and use those new accounts regularly.

But I’m trying.

I’m not moving away from my current social circles or hobbies or anything like that. I’m not abandoning any fandom or friends or communities. But I am going to be trying to balance myself more thoughtfully moving forward, past just commissions, past just writing.

I’m here. I’m moving forward, slowly but surely, and I am making an effort to improve.

#jesus christ mike shut up

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tartagilicious · 5 years

Text

love is a bad word (arthur x reader)

“This city night looks like you: brilliant but a little lonely. Your knotted heart, I’ve followed it downthese strange streets. Tell me how you want it, tell me how you need it. There’s enough time. We dive into that sky and melt into the night.”

title: love is a bad word

pairing: arthur x you

genre: smut

requested: yes, thanks so much for the support, anon :)

song: stay up by baekhyun + beenzino, gymnopédie no. 1, erik satie

edit: the original copy was deleted by accident through me trying to edit this on mobile, so, if text wasn’t appearing for a while, that’s all it was.

—

Beyond the windows of his bedroom, the street lamps hung brazenly against the star-studded sky and cast warped shadows across your face. Your expression weighed down with dim longing, yet inexplicably, you still somehow remained as ethereal as the stars not so far out.

No longer was there a blindfold over your eyes, and no longer were you inept to the tension that had arisen between the two of you. Just mere months ago, the premonition of even a friendship between you and the author had seemed unlikely, yet still, there you were, living in the very situation you’d deemed as impossible from the start.

Starting out in the mansion, Arthur had done things you thought were unforgivable. His unsolicited touches and damningly flirtatious words putting a mark in your brain that you were sure you’d never forget as long as you lived. But between things like his sincere apologies, the way he regarded you with friendly intent and talked with you as if he’d known you for years — the dynamics had confused you to no end.

By now, you knew him almost as well as you did yourself, and everything about him proved to only add onto the fact that you were irrevocably in love with the writer. Maybe he would never forget the lives that slipped through his fingers. The people he tried so hard to save — and couldn’t. But when the darkness creeps up to tell him he’s a failure or that he’s not worth it, you want to be there to say it’s wrong.

You want to be with him for as long as you could to remind him that he would never be alone. He didn’t need to push himself. You want to shield him so he didn’t have to mask his pain anymore.

You want to stay with him to remind him that he too was deserving of happiness.

You’d jokingly named this feeling love one night, once upon a time. But you’d had no idea then.

He brushed your cheek with the lightest, most tender of touches, keeping an achingly teasing distance even without his gloves on. His actions were slow, but his eyes showed the real depth of his yearning. He wanted you as much as you wanted him.

“Arthur,” you mumbled, reaching out to slide beneath the line of his jaw. The simple action made his lips quirk up in a silent motion, and before you realised it, your lips were almost touching. His lips brushed over yours with a tantalising sensuality that made your knees weak and had your heart skipping beats as he whispered,

“Tonight, I’m going to fill your heart to the brim with me.”

You closed your eyes as his paced words reached your awaiting ear, your fingers tangling into where his hairline ended at the nape of his neck.

“You can try,“ you whispered, your voice light. “But I don’t think you can do it much more.”

He hummed, his lips brushing yours with every word he spoke. “My dear ___, victory goes to the swift I’m afraid.”

Arthur took his time kissing you, kissing you deeply as though he ached to. His hand then moved to grip your jaw, forcing your mouth to open as his fangs teased your bottom lip ever so slightly. It only became more obvious with the passing time that Arthur wasn’t messing around, every action going straight to your core.

“Arthur-!”

You cried out as his hand that was once pressedfirmly to your hip now gently twisted and prodded at the sensitive peaks of your chest through your shirt. He did nothing but smile against your lips, though; the sensation driving you mad.

He hummed almost jovially, as if silently approving the sounds that escaped your lips. “It feels so good you can’t help yourself, hm?”

An uncouth whimper left you as you stared up at your partner with wordless yearning.

“My.” Arthur laughed teasingly as he merely sped up his actions for sake of getting more reactions out of you. “That’s a naughty look you’ve got there.”

“It’s your fault- " You pulled Arthur closer by the hand resting near his nape to rest his forehead against yours as you panted, your words cutting off as he began to unbutton your shirt. “It’s always your fault that I’m like this.”

His fingers played attentively with your nipples through the fabric until the clothes that had been covering your upper half were completely discarded, leaving part of you bare for him.

“And, my little bird, I hope it will stay that way.” He smiled so sweetly you almost forgot about the burning sensation between your legs, your chest swelling with endearment.

But he reminded you quickly enough.

Your hands gripped his shoulders tightly as he lifted you into the air, giving you the feeling of weightlessness for a few fleeting moments before dropping you to straddle his lap as he sank to the couch behind him. His lips encased yours again immediately, his mouth warm and insistent as your arms wrapped around his neck tightly.

Arthur wasted no time in moving to your neck now that you had a comfortable position, alternating between licking and sucking on your skin before coming across your jugular veins. They beat hard and fast against your skin, showing just how much of a frenzy the author could throw your heart into.

You moaned as he dragged his fangs down your neck, careful to give you just enough pleasure without breaking the skin just yet. He left the action halfway undone, though, ultimately deciding to save it for a later time. You lost the thought of any protests when he turned his attention back to your since hardened nipples.

He teased you almost unbearably, suckling lightly on the pert nub as your fingers tangled in his hair. You knew that he had been somewhat of a casanova before your arrival to the mansion many months ago, but you still never quite understood what kept women coming back even without the promise of a genuine relationship. His tongue continued to explain all you needed to know, wordlessly answering any sliver of doubt remaining.

Arthur pressed up into you as he nipped at your chest, a moan slipping from his lips in turn as you began to feel just how hard you had made him. So, tightly gripping his hair, you tried your best to entertain him as well as he was you. You pressed back with a sharp inhale, the only thing standing between your goal being your skirt and his pants, respectively.

He gasped under his breath, ceasing his actions for just a moment as his eyes fluttered shut in bliss. But before you could get very far, he put his hands on your hips, and with a gentle yet overwhelming strength only a vampire could possess, stopped your movements all-too easy.

“Not so fast,” he panted, his lips curving up into a mirthful simper. “Didn’t I say tonight is about you? Lay back and close your eyes, ___.”

You spent a long few moments staring at him without a word. But having finally made up your mind, you simply shook your head.

“Did you?”

Just watching Arthur as he quirked a brow, you guided him to lie down across the couch instead. He made little attempt to stop you, and even groaned as you went up to straddle his stomach, his eyes fluttering shut once again. You felt the coil in your stomach tighten again at the very sight, and soon you inevitably began to grind against the man’s taut chest, looking for any stimulation you could.

“Ah, ___-”

The skirt you adorned was hiking farther up with each movement of your hips, letting your arousal drip through your already soaked panties almost virtually unguarded. This, unbeknownst to you in your state, had left a sizable spot on his oxford, the sweet smell driving Arthur more insane with every second that passed.

And while he enjoyed the way your eyebrows bunched together so delicately as you worked, his hard-on was enough to cut the experience short. He hurriedly helped you out of your remaining clothes, leaving you bare on top of him before calling up his strength to help you over his face.

You cried out in pleasure as you sank down onto his tongue, fingers going to grasp anything near you as he face-fucked you mercilessly. He licked long stripes along your pulsing lips, sucking lewdly as your moans filled the otherwise empty room. You were sure that the whole mansion could hear you by then — but that still didn’t faze you. You began to quiver on top of him, his name falling from your lips over and over again as you came right onto his tongue.

But he still kept going, even after lapping up everything you’d given already him.

Your pussy throbbed against his tongue that just seemed to go deeper and deeper, leaving no crevice of you out. Moans fell out of your mouth sporadically, but you didn’t pull away. You knew Arthur would let you — yet, you just couldn’t bring yourself to deny the pleasure he was giving you.

“Arthur!” you hissed, small tears forming in your eyes as you leaned over him. This just prompted him to act faster, though, only pushing you back when you came for a second time.

Your breaths were equally heavy, your eyes meeting over the faint haze you both felt.

“Arthur,” You repeated, your hands going out to stable yourself with his shoulders as pulled himself up to sit. You were now straddling his waist, and with his erection poking up directly between the apex of your thighs and your juices coating his chin in a light glaze, you were hard-pressed in finding an excuse not to move on.

He smiled tenderly, though his words came out with a sly huff. “By jove, I could get drunk on your sweetness all night, ___.”

“You’re always even more flirty when I have you like this,” You couldn’t help but smile back, wrapping your arms around his neck and leaning into kiss him sweetly and uncircumstanciously. In that moment, you might have both been silently wanting the same lustful thing, but you still stopped to enjoy the feeling of simply being together.

The fates had been against you from the start, placing you in a relationship full of misunderstandings and bad first impressions with almost no guarantee of a time above that. But you’d both found your way to each other despite that, overcoming your past mistakes side by side and growing off one another. That, you thought, was what made your bond so strong to begin with.

You broke away slowly, a thin string of saliva connecting you as Arthur said, “How could I possibly resist? With such a beautiful woman staring down at me, it would be exceptionally strange to act normally.”

Smiling into your next kiss, he cupped your face delicately. To this day, it still managed to astonish him that you’d fallen in love with someone like him. He’d frightened you terribly upon your first meeting and had continued to put you off your wits in every meeting, but you had still seen right through everything he’d done. You’d been the first person to tell him that he had a pure heart, and he wanted to hold on to that memory in his heart forever.

Because coming from you, the one person who had him enamoured from the start — it meant the world.

Your hands moved to unbutton his shirt as you consciously slipped your tongue between his lips, the change in demeanour catching him off guard, but still being all-too easy to follow. Your skillful hands slipped off his shirt, throwing it to the side to lie on the floor along with your own clothes.

“You’re fast,” he praised you lightly, his words carrying you into yet another blissful smile.

“I could go on like this all night.”

—

this is the second time i’ve ever written smut and it shows 🗿

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #Arthur conan doyle #Arthur ikevamp #Arthur ikevam #ikemen vampire imagine #ikevam #ikemen vampire x reader #me and my half ass attempt at tying everything back to the song with the last line I-#def not my best work but #this will suffice

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navigatorkyle · 4 years

Text

A Day in the Life

War has changed. In the 33 years since the first rulebook for Warhammer 40k was released, the rules of engagement have undergone countless iterations of revision and rewriting. Today, players use the 8th edition rulebook: hitherto the most beginner-friendly and accessible version of the game. Simply talking about the game is not enough to capture its appeal, so I decided to venture out and transcribe the events of a game with a friend, in a time-honored tradition of recording the results of matches, called 'battle reports.'

Battle Report: The Ether Conflict

In the Northwestern corner of the galaxy, at the fringes of human space, renegade factions battle each other for resources. Raiders harass supply lines, fortresses are built and destroyed, and fleets slink about, searching for ripe targets. Traitors to the empire of humankind, these lawless vagabonds are collectively known as the followers of Chaos- but they are anything but united. Today, two factions prepare to do battle for one reason or another. Ian Cushman has brought to the table the vile Death Guard, a faction dedicated to the worship of a god of disease, who are just so happy to get the whole galaxy sick. I have decided to command the Gravewalkers, a group of sorcerers with the capacity to raise the dead to serve them.

After a beer and a chat about the backstory of the match, Ian and I set up the table. 40K regulation tables should be 6 feet long by 4 feet wide, and festooned with all sorts of terrain. We use home made cardboard buildings, and various bits of 3d-printed goodies like tank traps, concrete barricades complete with ragged bullet holes, and decrepit squat buildings. A good board will feature lots of large terrain pieces to block line of sight so that armies with a lot of long-range firepower won't dominate the match. The goal is the arrange the board so you can't see from one side to the other. Once the sprawling, ruined cityscape of a board is arranged, the game type can be selected. There are a great many ways to play the game: one can set up objectives that need to be taken and held, points can be gained from destroying enemy units, the list goes on. There are even decks of objective cards for each faction that can be employed to add an element of randomness- high command could issue you an order to hunt down the enemy one , then turn around and tell you to sit tight and hold your gains the next. Ian and I settled for a mission called “The Relic,” which is essentially capture the flag. We set up a little piece of 3d printed plastic in the middle- a miniature arcade cabinet our mutual friend Graham printed for fun. Our armies will battle to get into contact with the arcade cabinet, and whoever is in possession of it by round 5 wins.

Before we settle in for the game, I carefully consider my options. Ian's army is slow and ponderous, but incredibly durable. He has a strong artillery contingent which can hang back and belt out awesome firepower, but if approached at close range it becomes useless. Furthermore, his line infantry consist of mobs of mindless zombies, which excel at distracting and bogging down more important units in fruitless melee. His army, in a nutshell, is an anvil. It relies on absorbing punishment effectively, and wearing the enemy down slowly. My army is quite the opposite. My units lack the resilience of the Death Guard, trading defense for lightning-fast offense. I've forgone artillery in favor of monstrous, close-range cavalry. My infantry are fragile, but pump out a lot of mid-range damage. If I'm to win, I must take care not to let my important units get tied up before they can shut down his artillery, and I should ensure my troops remain intact long enough to make off with the arcade cabinet.

After some more idle chatter, we set up on either of the long table edges, and fetch the only essential tools of the game: dice and measuring tapes. Distance in the game is measured with inches, and so having a measuring device longer than a foot is imperative. Furthermore, everything else is decided with dice rolls, and so having a lot of dice on hand is a good idea. It's bad luck to hold onto a set of dice for longer than one edition of the rules, but they're very cheap and so replacing them isn't bad. Ian and I finish up the first round in short order, and the board changes significantly.

Each player gets one turn per round, and each player turn consists of a movement phase, where you move all your troops, a psychic phase, where all the magic literally happens, a shooting phase, where you can fire any ranged weapons you have, a charge phase, where melee units get to grips with the foe, and a fight phase, where models duke it out in close quarters with sword and rifle butt. I had gone first, as settled by dice roll. Lacking long-range options, my turn was simple- monster and mercenary alike moved as quick as they could, forgoing shooting, toward the enemy. I had to ensure as much of my army as possible closed with the enemy, or I'd be whittled down before I could secure the arcade cabinet. Ian's turn was more lengthy, setting up fields of fire for his artillery, and organizing his cannon fodder to better defend against a charge from my monstrous, beast-like war machines. A few cursory shells were fired off, but my machines shrugged off the damage.

Round two begins, and I'm just able to slip my heavy armor past the tar pit of misshapen zombies, but it'll be a turn yet before Ian's big guns are silenced. My sole sorcerer bolsters the defenses of my infantry, to hopefully prevent them from being removed before they can attain the relic next round. Finally, some firepower is exchanged between my infantry and Ian's, and the number of grunts on the board is shaved down. In his turn, Ian responds with a brutal barrage, his cannons removing one of my three war machines and cutting down a number of fodder infantry, while shuffling closer to the objective. I'll now have to consider spending firepower to delete the zombies before it's safe to move in and snag the arcade machine.

Round three makes things considerably bloodier. My monstrous machine-beasts make contact with the enemy back line, but his heavy infantry are far enough up the board to affect the battle. Troops engage in melee in the center of the board, in between buildings and around the central objective. I'm at a disadvantage here, the enemy should have been cleared from the area. I'd underestimated my opponent's resilience, or overestimated my dice luck. Despite being on the back foot tactically, I'm looking forward to a potentially interesting situation, wherein his commander unit and mine look to be about to brawl on the right flank, between my war engines and the rest of my army. His commander is superior, statistically, and on paper he would win a duel. But I won't back down- fortune favors the bold, and glory isn't earned through cowardice.

Come round four, the game is mostly decided. My war machines managed to bring down the artillery, but the zombies looped around and caught up to them, rendering them too bogged down with fodder to help my main force. Ian's victorious commander and his elite bodyguard rip through my infantry with ease, deleting my sorcerer and neutering my ability to coherently resist. Ian and I shake hands, and we share another beer over discussion of what we could have done differently, or what units might have been better to take. In essence, I'd lost sight of the bigger picture- the objective. I'd been too busy hunting down problem units to protect my own means of securing the victory. Furthermore, I had underestimated the sheer resilience of the Death Guard. A tactical maxim of tabletop wargames goes something like “Shoot what you can kill.” I'd failed to target those units I was likely to remove in one go, and suffered for it.

The depth of strategy for games like this is astounding, and this game could have gone any number of ways had I made a different minute decision for each trooper in my army. The endless replayability of the game draws me back every weekend, to test my mettle against friends in a galaxy rife with conflict.

#warhammer 40k #hobby

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dekutevo-blog · 4 years

Text

Geneva Rusden

I thought it was great after it finally happened. I am an average white heterosexual male, so I thought, who has been out of the loop since my wife left me. My sex life with her was so-so at best because she was getting her satisfaction from a guy that she met while looking for a draftsperson to draw up the plans for our new house. After a long time without pussy, I had been fantasizing on what it would be like to please a man. I had been looking at a lot more porn than usual and I was always drawn to were a guy was getting a blow job. Being only small to average sized myself, I was practically mesmerized looking at giant cocks, and watching them being devoured by willing mouths. I wondered how it would feel to have a guy's cock grow in my mouth, how the precum would taste, and more importantly, if I could make it explode and be rewarded for my efforts. So, one day after months of servicing myself I was camming on an adult site. A guy (we'll call him Bob) messaged me and we started chatting. About 5 minutes into the chat we realized that we had been exchanging emails from an ad that he posted on craigslist. We had been emailing each other for the past few weeks so we felt that we kind of knew each other. After about 20 minutes, he told me he was really horny and wanted to suck my cock. I told him to come over, walk in, and go to the back bedroom and I would be sitting in my chair with only a T-shirt on. He came over and I was still on cam so I turned off the cam and he got on his knees next to my chair. He started sucking my semi hard cock, then stood up and pulled his pants down. His soft cock which was about 5 inches long, and big low hanging balls were hanging out. He pushed his hips forward and it was all hanging about 2 inches from my face. Bob asked if I wanted some and I told him no because I had never done that and was really nervous. So, he got back on his knees and continued sucking my cock. A couple of minutes went by and I wasn't getting hard so Bob grabbed my free hand and placed it on his now semi hard cock. I started stroking it and rubbing his shaved balls, and that made him get hard. He was at least 7' long and very thick. I had never felt another man's cock or balls before and I thought it was really hot so my cock got hard as a rock. As he sucked, I could feel the tingling building up in my balls and I knew I was going to cum if he continued. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to unload in his mouth so I told him I was about to cum. He kept sucking, nodded his head, and tried saying something but since my cock was in his mouth I could only feel a vibration. That felt so good that it took me over the edge to the point of no return. My cock was about half way into his mouth and I grabbed his head and held it in place, and shot about 5 or 6 shots into his mouth. He swallowed most of it but some ran out on his chin then he asked for a rag, wiped his face clean, and left. Bob runs a small business about 3 miles from my home and one day, we made arrangements to meet at his place. I went there, opened the door and nobody was in the room. Bob told me that he would be waiting in the back room so I closed the door and made sure that it was locked then walked into the back room. He was sitting at his desk and told me to have a seat. Here I was, never having sucked a man's cock before, but knowing that was what I wanted to do. I was so nervous that as I was talking, I started stuttering. He turned his chair toward me, grabbed his crotch and asked if I wanted to suck him. I told him that I had never done that before and would give it a try. Then he pulled his pants down and his big cock and balls flopped out and rested on the seat of the chair. I got on my knees and licked the head of his soft cock. It felt really good and didn't taste bad either so I sucked the tip into my mouth and continued about half way down the shaft and smelled a musky smell as my nose got closer to his pubs. I felt the head touch my tongue so I started spinning my tongue around it and rubbing his loose hanging balls with my hand. He grabbed my head and said "that feels really good". His balls started to tighten up, and the shaft started to stiffen and the feeling drove me crazy. I felt so empowered that I could make a man feel so good with my mouth and feeling a big cock grow in my mouth for the first time that my own cock started getting hard too. After several minutes of licking and sucking him, he began to moan and his big cock continued to grow bigger. He was so big yet I was determined to tackle as much of it as I could, then the head started to touch my throat and I started gagging so I pulled back. I felt the shaft twitch then tasted a stream of salty yet sweet precum. Bob was apparently just as pleased because he kept saying, "Suck my big cock," and "That's it," and "Don't stop that feels great." I loved hearing his encouragement and it made me go on more. Then he asked me "do you want me to shoot my cum in your mouth", and I couldn't talk with his manhood in my mouth, so I nodded my head. As I started to relax more, I was taking his shaft deeper and deeper and with that he held my head and started face-fucking me. Evidently, I wasn't causing him any discomfort with my teeth. I was gagging, gasping for breath and had to pull back a few times for air and wondered if I could ever take the whole hunk of meat down. Choking on a cock is a strange sensation that makes you feel like you are dying, yet at the same time I didn't want to stop! Bob continued fucking my face for about 10 minutes then pulled my head off of his engorged cock, then he grabbed it and started stroking it. As he was stroking he said "I'm getting close do you want to stick out your tongue and I will cum on it?" I told him no I want to suck your big cock from hanging soft, to getting hard, then feel it pulsate and blow a hot load in my mouth so, go ahead and finish yourself off." Maybe experience will make me better, and that it did. After several attempts of me gagging and choking on his cock, I learned how to deepthroat Bobs man meat. We had hooked up several times and sucked each other but I wasn't able to make him cum in my mouth because I would always cum first then it was over for me. But, one day after we had sucked each other about 100 times and he took my load almost every time, I went to his place. After the routine of me going down on him in his chair, he said that he wanted to lay down so he could suck my cock too. We laid on our sides and started sucking each other in the 69 position. We sucked and fondled each other for about 15-20 minutes, and he started humping my face. He continued pumping and pushed hard enough to were his big balls were pressing against my nose and his cock went down my throat. He moaned a few times and I knew the he was getting close. He told me, "If you don't stop, I'm gonna cum. Well, I didn't want to stop, and I wanted him to cum in my mouth! He pulled back a little and the head of his cock was at the edge of my throat. As I swirled my tongue around the big mushroom head of his cock I felt him clamp down with his thighs so tight I couldn't move my head. Then he clamped down even harder and I couldn't hear anything. The head of his cock was at the back of my mouth and his legs started shaking. I felt his big cock swell up, watched his balls tuck up, and felt the shaft pulsate. It exploded and I felt a thick warm liquid hit the roof of my mouth then run down onto my tongue, and it felt fantastic! His cock started recoiling like a howitzer and he started to unload and his balls were bouncing with every shot of jizz. I felt three or four more massive shots hit the roof of my mouth and run down. Then he pushed in a little and I felt about 3 more shots that went down my throat. After catching most of his man juice on my tongue, I started to appreciate the taste of his huge load. There was a big puddle of his cum on my tongue and It tasted a little salty but not horrible. As he relaxed, he pushed it deeper into my mouth and the big head started going down my throat and made me gag. When that happened, I pulled back and swallowed his hot load. My first taste of cum and it was awesome. My mouth was filled with a cock that even as it started to shrink, it was still bigger than my own. I continued sucking until his balls were dry and swallowed every last drop of the cum that came out of them too. I felt so empowered to make a guy cum in my mouth and It was so hot and powerful for me that after about 2 seconds I shot my load in his mouth and he swallowed it then sucked me dry. I knew that After I sucked his cock from limp to stiff and made it blow a hot juicy load of man seed then swallowed it, I wanted to do this again and it wouldn't be my last. I told him I'd do that again anytime he asked me to and he assured me there would be plenty more to come. Please let me know if you like this story.

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shiningstraykitten · 6 years

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park jihoon scenario: passion

Requested?: Can i request a scenario for Wanna One Jihoon please? The plot is what if he was a boxer who lose his will to fight because of the injury that make him all cold and gloomy, while she was a reporter who just sneaking around looking somwthing spicy till she uselessly fallen in love with how sad his face staring at the boxing glove, she try to cheer him up but he kept pushing her away after that is up to you hehehe thank you, hope my plot doesnt confuse you

Member(s): Park Jihoon (Wanna One)

Format?: Bulletpoint scenario (+female reader)

note: because it was specified in the ask, (y/n) is a girl

third person pronouns will be used here

the story begins with a boy named park jihoon

for a long time, he never knew what he would grow up to do

people around him would have ideas and at least a little certainty about their futures, which made his teachers and people around him almost worried about him

it wasn't until his first year in university that he started to take up boxing, at least as a hobby

one day, jihoon’s childhood best friend daniel asked him to try boxing classes at a nearby gym with him

at first, jihoon was hesitant, but after a bit of convincing from daniel and a promise that if he didn't like it, he didn't have to go again

jihoon, being a softie for daniel, agreed

and it was then, learning how to fight and pull himself towards victory, that he truly found his calling

and after more lessons, he took up boxing on his own time, with daniel as a sparring partner

boxing became his passion, what he never had when he was younger

so jihoon went pro later in his university years

and he loved the high after every victory, and strived to do better and accepted defeat with open arms

jihoon couldn't be happier

until one match against a known champion

by then, jihoon was starting to make a name for himself

so he was considered a formidable opponent to many

the match started off fine enough, with jihoon getting control of the fight for quite a while

but he could never foresee getting a hard hit on his arm, severely injuring it to the point that he could not continue the match, and it landed him in the hospital

according to his manager and his doctor, he wouldn't be able to box for the foreseeable future until his arm heals up

it may never be the same again

anyone who ever knew jihoon could tell that the familiar fire in his eyes has been extinguished; he looks cold, empty

his passion, his drive to continue, has been stolen from him before his very eyes

this is when we learn of an intern at a news publisher: (y/n) (l/n)

from when she first learned how to write, she wanted to go into journalism

she desired to be able to give the news that she finds important, to be able to let people know what's going on in the world

her dream finally began at an internship at seoul weekly, a major magazine

she couldn't wait to bring her ideas to the table, to write her own sections

but for a while, she was basically an unpaid assistant, getting things for the higher ups

it almost unmotivated her; she believed that her dream of her story on the screen was too far beyond her

until one day, she had a meeting with one of the editors

he had read her notes she made from previous meetings and he believed that she could write a story

well, one he found as ‘relevant’ and 'entertaining’

so basically, a juicy story

(y/n) knew that that was a big responsibility; she would be representing the whole magazine

she accepted, understanding that this could be the key to unlocking her dream

so (y/n) observed people around her, looking far and wide for a story

it was harder than she thought; she submitted about three ideas already and all of them got turned down

until she passed by a familiar gym

a very close friend of hers frequented this place, and meeting him there made her very much acquainted with it

so she was looking in, looking for her friend, when she locked eyes with a very familiar face

she saw him practicing fighting at the gym, and back then, she saw the fire he had, the passion for his sport

she regretted not being able to meet him back then, his passion helped rekindle hers

but when she revisited, something was definitely off

not only was he sporting a large cast, evidently a large injury

but the way he looked at his gloves, at the ring

it was a profound longing, like he was searching for a lost puzzle piece, or trying to bring back a lost part of him

(y/n) was captivated then and there

she wanted to know exactly who the boxer at the gym was, what his story was

(y/n) was on a mission: learn more about that boy

at first, she spent an excessive amount of time searching up recent pro boxers online

she guessed he went pro, because the last time she saw him, he was ridiculously good

she learned his name was park jihoon, and that he was rising from a rookie to a known champ, but recently had a major injury

at first, (y/n) thought that all of that was enough

but after pitching it, she was told that she needed to dig in deeper to have a true story

(y/n) really didn't know what else to do

so she asked some of the senior writers on the team about it, and was told to get closer to him to get more key info

(y/n)’s conscience screamed that it was a bad idea, but the seniors wouldn't let up

they told her that if she couldn't investigate a serious matter, how could she bring anything to the table?

so she decided to only pry a little; to not let it get the best of her, and to get jihoon”s consent to make an article about him

(y/n) first met jihoon through a newer friend of hers, ong seungwoo

he had been recently visiting the gym because his stepbrother, kang daniel (who he recently reunited with) worked there

so when she decided to come with seungwoo one day, jihoon was there sitting next to the ring, watching someone else training

after talking with seungwoo and meeting daniel, they noticed (y/n) looking over at the boy under the ring

she was told it was jihoon, and she learned that he’s daniel’s longtime best friend

and that he really needed cheering up, because of the injury

so (y/n) made it her goal to get closer to him and put a smile on his face

but it was easier said than done

at first, she thought that he was just very grumpy, because he was not willing to let her take one step towards him

but that made her more determined to break his shell

she would get him stuff, try her best to have conversation

it was to the point that she realized she was really falling for jihoon, and not his story

and it was then that she started to see a new side of him

he would start to smile ever so often, to have full conversation with her

she discovered he was a boy with a new grasp of a passion, someone who tried his best to make it happen

he was a boy with dreams that were crushed right in front of him

and (y/n) didn't know what to do

so she tried her best to light up his life, so he could find hope

(it was then that she asked daniel, the closest to jihoon, “how do you bring light to someone who lost all hope?”)

(little did she know, this statement was why daniel came to trust her)

later, (y/n) came across her preliminary notes, and it dawned on her that she originally intended on a story

but now? she couldn't write one if she tried

so she deleted every trace of her original work, and went to the writers

of course, they gawked at her

she just threw away a major chance to write for a popular platform

but she wouldn't relent, jihoon was way too important to her, she didn't want him to believe that she didn't care about him

she cared so so much

but the writers were determined to get something out of her, to remind her that this was what she had to do to advance

so they fabricated new drafts, and slipped them into her bag while she was doing some errands

(y/n), unaware of this, picked up her bag and made her way to the café she was supposed to meet jihoon at

jihoon had been looking like he'd been feeling better lately, so she was very much looking forward to seeing him again

and unbeknownst to her, jihoon had been longing to be with (y/n) for more time, as she became one of the most important parts of his life

so jihoon invited her out to go get a coffee and then go to a movie

(y/n) came a little earlier than jihoon, so she, either out of habit or of a feeling of uneasiness, looked through her bag to make sure she had her things and her money

but she came across a folder

she left all her other notes from meetings at home or submitted them to her editor

she opened it to find notes about a boxer, and it dawned on her that it was about park jihoon

and it made her furious

she did mention to another intern that she was meeting jihoon that day

she threw that story away so that she wouldn't hurt jihoon, but her seniors planted new evidence

did they expect her to not notice? so that jihoon would find out the wrong way?

when she was about to throw them out, jihoon arrived, looking around for a table

because even when (y/n)'s unhappy, jihoon is a priority, she still waved him to the table, greeting him

but he could tell something was off, she seemed stressed

so he asked about it when the two got their drinks

and (y/n), being tired of hiding things from people she loved, spilled everything

her initial interest, her feelings for him, the article, the writers, the drafts in front of him

at the beginning of her spiel, she could see jihoon was worried that (y/n) was admitting to not caring about him

but by the end, the relief, the knowledge that (y/n) put him before her potential career at seoul weekly was almost palpable

and (y/n) firmly believed that jihoon looking happy was absolutely and utterly ethereal

and she was also in for a surprise when jihoon told her that he was realising that she helped him get out of his miserable state when he got hurt, and that he would never regret getting closer to her

so the two of them left the café with a clear conscience and full hearts

jihoon’s friend thanked (y/n) for what she done for jihoon later, and jihoon and (y/n) decided that they'd really suit being together in a relationship

and jihoon helped (y/n) find a new platform that would appreciate her writing, and production 101 became (y/n)'s second home

her first home is jihoon, no matter how much he gets flustered hearing that

and currently, they are waiting on the doctor's opinion for when jihoon can return to boxing

all in all, the two found their passions and found each other as well

thanks for requesting, I really enjoyed writing this!!!

#wanna one #wanna one scenarios #kpop #kpop scenarios #jihoon #park jihoon #jihoon wanna one #female reader

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xseildnasterces · 3 years

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heartbreak suites.

Let’s chat. The last couple of weeks have been really tough both emotionally and mentally. I am unsure why it began, but for some reason, the last two weeks have just been a rollercoaster of nostalgia and reminiscing. I’m talking full on trips down the very dark corners of memory lane. I honestly cannot pinpoint what started it but I think dreams is a big part of it. For some reason I am living in the past in my dreams right now. Literally anyone from my past that I no longer speak to has been appearing regularly. Sometimes I just see them, other times I am back in the point of history when we were friends or close, or other times it’s in the present but we are still as close as we always were. It’s made me sad, and it’s made me miss people. I wonder if some feelings, thoughts, emotions and memories that are usually packed and archived away in the back of my memory have all been brought to the forefront due to conversations in therapy. Of course talking about being bullied, sexuality and abandonment bring up a lot of feelings and a hell of a lot of memories. I find myself wondering about people I haven’t seen for up to ten years and wondering if they ever think about me, or I ever even find my way into their memory even slightly. I find myself thinking about people who were just passing friendships and wondering where they are, what they are doing and whether they ever think of all the good times we had. I think a lot of high school. I think of the person I was then and the people I knew. I will never forget or not miss high school. They really were some of the best times of my life, before people needed to start seriously thinking about their future, before everything stopped being a joke or just fun. I miss those days so very much. I miss those people. I feel so incredibly lucky to still have my very best friend from those days, but I certainly miss a lot of the guys that were my best friends back then. One of them really fucked me over and turned into someone I never thought they would – yet for some reason, they are one of the main ones from that time who constantly pops into my head. I found myself searching for him online the other day out of morbid curiosity. He never really had an online presence even back then, so I didn’t expect to find him – and I didn’t. I did find his girlfriend though, an ex-best friend who fucked me over at the same time. Oddly there is no love lost with her. She doesn’t pop into my dreams, I don’t think about her and it is not a friendship that I have ever wished to rebuild. She showed her true colours and as much as it broke me at the time, I moved on, and I was better for it. I saw a picture of the two of them and I didn’t really have any feelings. I mean, I do not have any ‘real’ feelings towards this guy anymore, it’s more that feeling of longing for the friendship you had. I sometimes find myself wondering what it would be like to bump into each other and say ‘hi’ and just do that thing that your parents do when you are younger and they see someone they ‘used to know’. That brief little chat about each other’s lives and then you go on about your daily life without another thought. I find that hard. I find it hard to just go on. I am not naïve enough to believe that if I ever saw him again we could be friends or we would be how we used to be, but regardless, it is as though that fantasy lives on in my head and I miss the friendship – a lot. Another friend from that time and I tried to stay in touch for a while. It was a little rocky at first and then things seemed to be going quite well until I sent a message one Christmas and never got a response – despite them wanting me to tell them when I was home and we could meet up. I felt hurt. It was another one of those ties to my high school friends and memories that had been cut off. For some reason the other day I had this urge to message them. They are someone else who doesn’t really use social media (I guess we are all growing up and realising just how bad social media is for your mental health), so I sent him a message on WhatsApp to the last number I ever had for him. I knew it was a long shot because he was always changing his number and when the message only sent with one tick, I realised that that connection was gone too. I have no way to contact him, and maybe that was the message I needed that I shouldn’t, and that friendship had also ended completely, or he would have given me his new number when he got one. I guess it was a learning curve, once again, something I should have accepted long ago. I don’t even know what I wanted or thought I would get from that reconnection, but I think part of it really was the feeling of losing all my links to that time of my life. Perhaps that sounds ridiculous, I guess it does, but it’s my honest thoughts at this moment in time.

Inevitably looking for one-person online leads to that very large black hole of searching for everyone and anything you’ve ever known. Everyone is having babies, like everyone. I cannot deal with it. It makes me feel so old and I don’t want to feel old. Getting old is one of my biggest fears, and I completely agree that that sounds absolutely ridiculous as there is nothing at all that can be done to stop it, but it really is. Time passing by keeps me up at night. Aging is what leaves me with panic attacks and anxiety and provides me with a constant sense of worry. I sometimes get this feeling that everyone else is where they are supposed to be in life and I am not, and then I have long conversations with my therapist about how there is no ‘where you are supposed to be’ – this is something that is different for everyone. Everyone has different hopes and dreams. Everyone has different achievements and things they want to do, but what if you don’t know? What if you have no idea what you want from anything? Does anyone really know? Do I know where I want to be or what I want to be doing in ten years’ time? No, I don’t think I do. I don’t think I know where I want to be this time next year and I’m trying my very best to not be so hard on myself about it – but it’s so incredibly hard.

I have spent an awful lot of time over the last few weeks listening to old playlists. Old playlists that really are full of delicate memories. Someone once made me a playlist but deleted it. I screenshotted the whole thing so that I could remake the playlist. I did it right away, and I still listen to it now – although not too often as I usually find myself spiralling and getting incredibly upset. This week was one of those weeks when I listened to it anyway. The lyrics to so many of those songs still ring true in my head, and if I am honest, I cannot listen to any of them without thinking of the person who made that playlist. I check on them perhaps more often than I should, yet I do it anyway and then berate myself for doing so. Not only is it not healthy but I also feel like I shouldn’t care… yet I do. I find myself drifting off and thinking about them even when listening to songs that were not even out when we knew each other. ‘Someone I used to know’ – saying those words still feels rather painful. I feel like some people in life are able to just replace people with other people, but this is something that I have not only never been able to do, but also something I wouldn’t want to do either. People are their own people and I cannot just replace one with another. For me, it doesn’t work like that. The person in question has a rough week coming up, and I really hope that they have people around them to provide the support and comfort that they need and I guess what I used to at least try my best to provide.

I’m still struggling with the person that decided to ‘ghost’ me at the end of last year too. Why do they continuously appear in my thoughts? I knew them for less than six months yet for some reason they created such a huge impact on me and my life. That hurts too. Not having closure is something that has been a constant throughout my life with various people and telling someone that and then literally never hearing from them again says much more about them than it does me. Of course, this is something else that has been much discussed in therapy and my therapist certainly put things into perspective for me and made me realise that this person was indeed not someone I should want in my life. However, despite completely agreeing and understanding, for some reason my mind does not want to accept that people can be so cold and callus. Clearly, here we are again, another lesson learned. At the end of the day, most people are pretty shit and the more and more I begin to fully accept this, the more and more closed off I feel myself becoming which is also not incredibly good nor healthy. I guess I need that happy balance, whatever that may be.

All in all, I miss a lot of people. Some more than others. Some extreme amounts and some only slightly. The world and life are so peculiar to me. Why do people need to come and go in the way that they do? This is something that I genuinely do not think I will ever understand or be able to appreciate for what it is. I guess at the end of the day I must appreciate those in my life who have always been there and don’t decide to leave or disappear into the ether. I have always wished for a big group of friends. For people who love me and love spending time with me. People who share my interests and have lots of things in common with me. I think I always hoped that one day I would have that. As I get older, I find myself having to come to terms with the fact that this is something I am never going to have. This is not something that was written in the stars for me. I will never be that cool, pretty person in a large group of friends who all love and appreciate each other in the same amounts. I will always be the one of the peripheral wishing for more but never being cool enough, confident enough or pretty enough to be part of that. I have no idea how to dress well, I can’t do make-up for shit, my hair isn’t perfect, and my skin isn’t flawless. I’m not polished nor perfect. I think I really need to accept my place in society. I was never supposed to be one of those girls who everyone liked or loved. I was always supposed to be the unextraordinary girl that no one really thought about or wished to get close to. I feel myself needing to retreat back to the girl I was in primary school when as much as I felt lost and confused as to why I was bullied and never wanted, I knew my place. I knew not to try to climb out of the square that I had been put it. I knew my lot, and I knew not to question it.

[Blog title: Heartbreak Suites - Lucy Spraggan].

#Heartbreak Suites #lucy spraggan #life #thoughts #feelings #memories #diary #update #me #personal #writing #journal #thought #feeling #memory #emotions #emotion

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onlyjihoons · 7 years

Text

01.27a.m.;o.s.w

request: hi issa me mario xd i want to request that domestic fluff with my b seongwoo so you don’t forget ))))::::::

a/n; sorry jen @jjeehoon this is super long overdue and super short like my height, i wrote this when my ong feels are at a all time high so i hope this makes up for the late-ness hhh

requests are open :))// masterlist

starting line: “You’re my illegirl, because your existence alone is a crime”

synopsis: domestic bf!ong

warnings: none,, just ong being ong tbh,, and so much fluff that will give me diabetes

genre: pure fluff; slight richboy!ong hehe

14:00

Your palms turned sweaty, after ringing the doorbell of Seongwoo’s apartment. A train of thoughts ran through your mind, and a lot of what if’s as well.

Your thoughts dissipated at the sight of Seongwoo, clad in a grey V-neck pullover and baggy joggers. His hair was tousled messily, but still looking as ethereal as ever.

Without giving you time to react, your boyfriend engulfed you in a big bear hug, dragging you into his quaint apartment that was warm and spacious.

“I thought your mom didn’t allow you to come,” Seongwoo pouted, “I was so mopey the whole morning.”

“How can she not?” You giggled, rubbing circles on his back, “She immediately shooed me off while just packing my toiletries and shoved me out of the house… As if you were about to adopt me.”

Seongwoo pulled away, inspecting your kanken that was on your back, “Wow, she really just packed your underwear and toiletries…”

“I can always wear your clothes, like I always do.” You skipped to Seongwoo’s master bedroom, which was surprisingly clean considering that he didn’t hire a housekeeper to keep his home tidy.

Seongwoo gazed at you affectionately as he leaned against the door frame, as you rummaged through his walk-in closet for a t-shirt you could wear as a dress.

“Got it,” You shuffled to the bathroom to undress from your own t-shirt(it was actually seongwoo’s, you stole it from him a while back) and slipped on his black Balmain shirt on. It fitted perfectly, despite the sleeves reaching your elbows and the hem ghosting just above your knee.

“How do I look?” You twirled on the spot, mimicking a high fashion pose to show off your “outfit”.

Seongwoo could barely hide the blush creeping on his cheeks, as he engulfed you in yet another hug and pecked your lips sweetly, “You’re so cute.”

“Ew, you’re gross,” You pushed Seongwoo away, as he landed on his bed with a soft plop, “Did you take the wrong medicine or something? You call me ugly on a daily basis, what happened to you?”

Seongwoo gasped dramatically, putting his hand to his chest, “Why can’t I show my affections to my pretty girlfriend?”

You folded your arms, “Am I only pretty now?”

Seongwoo pulled your arm towards him, as your knee buckled and you fell onto his built chest. You were certain you were a blushing mess right now, with your hair in a messy bun and glasses threatening to fall off your face.

“You’re s…”

“S…?”

“Stupid most of the time.” Seongwoo sent you a sinister smirk, as you pushed yourself off your boyfriend.

“You’re unbelievable.” You huffed.

“Unbelievably handsome,” He corrected, as he winked.

16:00

“We were supposed to spend the day together, at my home, not shopping.” Seongwoo whined, as he waved the Chanel paper bag in front of you.

“I’m sorry, I’m stupid, perhaps you can enlighten me on that.” You smiled, as you pulled your boyfriend to the grocery store, to get some groceries for his bare kitchen.

“You’re not stupid babe, I swear on that.” Seongwoo swore as he helped you to pull out the shopping cart from the trolley bay.

““You’re s…stupid most of the time”” You mimicked Seongwoo as you picked a box of strawberries, “I took that to heart, since I’m stupid.”

“N-no. You’re not stupid, I promise. I will never call you that again.” Seongwoo stopped in front of the shopping cart, putting on his best puppy face.

You rolled your eyes as you pushed the shopping cart out of the way to find the other groceries, as Seongwoo trailed beside you like a lost puppy.

“Are you gonna ignore Ong like that?” Seongwoo pouted.

“You’re embarrassing,” You picked out a box of Reese’s cereal, and gently set it into the cart.

“That cereal is expensive,” Seongwoo let go of his cute facade, gasping in horror, “It’s like 12,000 won–”

“My boyfriend, who is the son of the CEO of Fantagio, can’t afford a measly box of cereal?!” You gasped dramatically, as you pouted, “I guess I’d have to give that up–”

“No no, 12,000 won is peanuts babe, let’s just get home soon okay?” Seongwoo tried to appease your anger by kissing your forehead and helping you push the shopping cart around the grocery store, which you found cute.

You whipped out your phone to take a video of Seongwoo, who was busy browsing through the ice cream aisle.

“Seongwoo!” You called out, as he whipped his head around.

“Yes babe?”

“I heard you called me stupid… I’m so sorry for being–”

Seongwoo snatched your phone out of your grasp, then deleting the recorded footage, shoving your phone into his back pocket.

“Y-yah! I was about to send them to–”

“Daniel? Jihoon? Jisung? All of my contacts?” Seongwoo raised his eyebrows, “I’m having a hard time because of you, babe.”

You sensed his seriousness in his gentle voice, and decided to stop teasing him. “Okay okay, I’m sorry I’ll stop.”

“You’d better.” Seongwoo sent you a warm smile as he pulled you close by your waist, choosing ice cream.

20:00

“It’s raining,” You looked out of the window, as pellets of rain pelted down on the streets of Seoul.

Seongwoo brought out a blanket as he sank into his couch, patting the seat beside him, “Let’s watch a movie or something.”

“I’m lazy, let’s cuddle.” You nuzzled into Seongwoo’s chest, as you hear the soft whirling sounds of the Dyson fan in the living room.

“I have an Xbox here,” Seongwoo pointed, “Let’s have a battle.”

“You know I’m bad at gaming,” You frowned, “You always win me.”

“We can play Just Dance,” Seongwoo shrugged, “You can dance, I can dance. That’s fair enough.”

“What’s the forfeit?”

“Loser has to do the dishes,” Seongwoo motioned to the sink, “and sleep without a blanket.”

“In this weather?” You complained.

“I gave you a fair chance, are you up for it?” Seongwoo quirked his eyebrows, as you unwillingly got off the couch.

“I told you I was bad at games.” You sat on the floor, looking at the numbers of Seongwoo’s win flashing at you.

“Can’t help that my girlfriend’s a bad dancer,” Seongwoo scoffed, which earned himself a slap on the back.

“Count yourself lucky, Ong Seongwoo.” You seethed under your breath, as you trudged to the kitchen, sounds of running water soon filled the apartment.

“Aww, is my girlfriend angry?” Seongwoo wrapped his strong arms around your waist, resting his chin at the crook of your neck, “I’ll help you with the dishes.”

Before you could argue, Seongwoo began to scrub the dishes diligently, without a word. You pressed a loving kiss on his cheek, which made him turn to you and return the kiss.

“You’re still sleeping without a blanket by the way.”

01:27

You hated how Seongwoo would never forget bets, but always forget the days your period would come.

Now, you were just lying on the bed, thinking about how your 10 years of dancing did you dirty, making you lose your challenge to Seongwoo.

You liked sleeping in on rainy days, but not when there was torrential rain and thunder, jolting you awake every 10 minutes.

You hated admitting do defeat, especially to Seongwoo. But you couldn’t help it, your fear of thunder and lightning was about to eat you alive.

You shuffled meekly to Seongwoo’s room, as you gently settled yourself beside your sleeping boyfriend. He could feel the dip in the mattress, as he turned to face you.

“Babe?” He rubbed his eyes groggily, “What is it?”

“I–I’m scared, Seongwoo.” You shivered slightly, as he pulled you into a hug, chin resting on your head.

“You idiot, you could’ve told me that you’re scared of thunder…” He groaned, “I shouldn’t have let you sleep alone.”

Your heart swelled at Seongwoo’s words, as you nuzzled into your boyfriend’s arms, thunder and lightning obsolete as you drifted off to sweet slumber.

10:00

When you woke up, last night’s cold rain was replaced with the warm sun infiltrating through the curtains, casting a soft glow on your boyfriend’s features.

You threaded your fingers through Seongwoo’s soft brown locks, careful to not tug on them too harshly to wake him.

Seongwoo’s eyes fluttered open, a coy smile playing on his lips as he saw your face after he woke up.

“Are you having fun?”

“Mhm.” You hummed, as Seongwoo’s grip on your waist pulled you closer to him.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Seongwoo.”

requests are open, feel free to send in any requests for wanna one/nct in my inbox!

#wanna one scenarios #ong seongwoo #wanna one #ong seongwoo scenarios #Fluffy writes #everyong

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simplerperfectionist · 5 years

Text

Day 1

Today is the first day of an extended social media break which I have chosen to embark on in an attempt to break my addiction, foster my relationship with myself, develop and deepen my focus, clarify my own intellectual and artistic voice, and hopefully vanquish that little goblin that sits in my head and watches me all the time from the projected viewpoint of others. You know that Atwood quote about every woman being a man inside a woman watching herself? I feel like that all the time. She’s nodding to the way in which the internal voyeur is used as a weapon of the patriarchy to get women to subject themselves, and I do feel that in a gendered way sometimes but I also experience it in a more general way, that whatever various audiences I perceive myself to have live constantly inside my head and I am performing for them at all times, even in my thought exercises. Which I suppose is because those audiences only exist within my head. Yes, there are people that follow me on various platforms or friends who consume my #content, but the panel of people that I feel are always watching me and measuring me are simply my own inner critics projected out through these platforms onto the vague digital presences of my friends and acquaintances and a smattering of strangers. Anyway, all of that is to say that my overuse of digitized self publicity has been making me feel like a madwoman and has been actively rewiring the way that my thoughts form and unnecessarily activating my stress responses for, well, honestly probably for years, but most notably for the past year or two.

Lately one of my favorite fantasies is to acquire whatever sum of spare money it will cost me to hire a tech nerd to scour the internet for all of the profiles and accounts and email lists that I have long since forgotten and abandoned which they/I/we can then scrub, delete, and bury. I feel like none of us listened when people were like “whatever you put on the internet exists forever.” I shouldn’t speak for other people. I never listened. It didn’t feel like a big deal! I was a kid and I wanted to know things, and express myself, and keep up with my friends. I didn’t know that it would one day rather haunt me to feel relics of my earlier selves floating about in the ether, available to anyone even remotely more computer savvy than myself. Anyway THAT’S a fun paranoia I generally avoid thinking about for longer than 30 seconds at a time. In truth, I don’t think it matters that much. I mean I can pretty easily freak myself out about it if I think about like A.I. or like dystopian government conspiracies or even the possibility that I could ever end up being someone in a position of notable influence that might motivate people to fuck with me... BUT if I avoid those dark rabbit holes, it really doesn’t matter. What are people gonna do with my old 8tracks playlists? With an etsy shop I forgot about? They’re ghosts of my former selves and dried out seeds of old timeline potentials. Lol.

God, I shouldn’t have mentioned A.I. because now I’m stuck thinking about how you cannot confirm the interiority of anyone at all in the world save for yourself and subsequently I truly could be the only human being in a world of A.I. and I wouldn’t know. A fun secret is that I have become a truly deeply paranoid person over the past several years and sometimes I freak even myself out with how unhinged I can sound, but I generally handle it pretty well and surrender myself to the knowledge that I don’t know much about the nature of reality, nor do I need to, and whatever thoughts I run with are simply thoughts and are quite harmless. If you’re reading this please do not involuntarily commit me lmao.

Okay the irony of documenting this journey digitally online, specifically on a social media platform, and writing to a nonexistent but theoretically eventually existent audience is NOT lost on me. There’s something comforting about it though. Honestly, I’ve always thought that about writing on tumblr. I used to have a locked blog that was a digital diary of sorts though I believe I’ve since deleted it. There’s something about the blue background I feel like. It’s like writing a letter and sending it out to sea. I guess it’s also the anonymity of the platform. I know a few users on here, but generally I know nothing save that there are other users and I know some of their interests. This feels like a way to be seen without being seen at all. Like talking to the stars at night. Anyway I suppose I could write in my journal instead, but I like the act of typing, and I do have a vague sense that I may someday share this. Also I do think this is helping to ease the withdrawal from the public platforms, which is actually probably the only reason I’m using it.

Enough musings, here’s the nitty gritty of the update: I've deleted Instagram and Twitter from my phone. I don't remember my logins for them so it's a fairly effective barrier in that there are a variety of steps I would need to go through in order to get back on. Twitter auto logged out on my laptop so there's a similar barrier there. I've yet to log out of insta on my laptop but I suppose I should do that as well. I've rearranged the apps on my phone and I suspect I will another 8 or so times as my relationship to the device changes. I desperately want to throw it away and get something simpler, but I’m still too tied to it at the moment. I really want to be free of it. I hate my stupid phone. I want to not feel like I’ll die without it, like I’ll start living on another planet. Honestly? I probably will! And that would be good for me. But I can’t shake the feeling that something bad would happen if I did, that if I stopped looking at everything happening out in the “world,” if I stopped observing what all of these people I’ve labeled as friends are doing, then I, what? Would lose touch with reality? Would become too different from them? Might dare to be happy in this chaotic time on earth?

I actually know exactly what unplugging fully would do. At first I’ll have to go through withdrawals, but once I make it through, the noise in my head will quiet, the sense of being watched will severely diminish if not die, I will become deeply grounded and present in my own surroundings, observing them honestly from my own perspective rather than filtering them through learned lenses, I will stop questioning my own artistic and intellectual worth, instead trusting myself because I will become my primary resource of knowledge and creation and discernment, I will invest more deeply in the relationships that exist in my physical reality and the distant relationships in which I and the other are equally invested in maintaining as I’ll no longer have the illusion of relationships that subsist on passive observance and occasional expressions of support via likes/comments/reacts. I don’t know WHY I’m afraid of that!!!! That’s what I want!!! I want friendships based on time spent together, I want letters exchanged, post cards, phone calls, I don’t want impersonal pictures of peoples’ lunch orders or concert videos. I don’t want to be known that way and I don’t want others to know me that way. I don’t want to meaninglessly keep tabs on people, I want the magic of wondering about them for months or years and randomly encountering them. I want to live in a world of magic. I DO live in a world of magic, I want to clear enough space to let it work.

I fell into musing again lol. The rest of the update is that I still have facebook but I never check it. I’m keeping tumblr for now because it’s still useful to me in various ways. I have snapchat as well, but I only really use it for two group chats. I still have costar, venmo, and spotify but I rarely use the social aspects of them. I need to purge my email, but that’s not a job for today. I also need to end some subscriptions which is less about social media but they still feel like digital ties. I thought nextdoor would be a good form of plugging into the local buzz, but it’s honestly just annoying so I need to get off of that too. I’m planning to start reading the local papers and avoiding all other news. Hopefully this will guide me towards community engagement and local politics instead of 24 hr national outrage. Oh I’m also still listening to podcasts if that counts, which I feel like it does. Okay! Well,

Signing off until next time,

This has been E. G.

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