#it's just. The environment of it or whatever.
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What Is Your Intuition Trying To Tell You?
Hi, Hexlings!
This pick-a-card reading is about what have you been ignoring when it comes to your intuition. Some of you don't trust your intuition completely and those of you that do have been ignoring it for x reason. Let's dive in shall we.
This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help. Tarot should be used as entertainment and not a for sure answer to your problems but as a guide, a sense of hope, and amusement.
Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.
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Pile l:
What is your intuition telling you? (Tarot: 4 of Swords (reversed), Knight of Swords, Death, 9 of Swords, 7 of Wands)
It's time for a change in pace, place, and environment in general pile 1. Some of you are prolonging the inevitable of your life trying to change for the better. This could be you possibly slightly self-sabotaging yourself by procrastinating on things that could help better your life, circumstances, etc all because you are listening to the negativity of your mind. This could be anxiety, depression, or imposter syndrome, either way, there is something in your life that you need to act on but you are taking your slow sweet time. You may even entertain the idea that every time you do something as small as touch your project or whatever it is that you need to be doing you treat yourself with rest, and playtime, when in reality this is a form of procrastination. It's time to get yourself together and do the thing, whatever it is for you. For some of you, you're asking for a change in your life but refuse to act on the things that will give you the changes because of fear. Sit down with yourself and ask yourself is this really what I really want and if so figure out ways to get the job done and bypass your anxiety and perfectionism. If it is not what you want have a chat with your spirit team that you no longer want what it is that they are offering. For very few of you, this change that is happening in your life is what you want but the way you have to go about getting it is not the route you want to take. Again talk to your spirit team about this.
Extra Messages: Spellcasting Oracle Deck: Love, New Beginnings, Family, Peace, & Freedom.
Whatever this is that you have been ignoring is trying to bring in the things that you complain about of have been trying to manifest. For some of you, this is love but you refuse to take your inspired action in going out to meet people, the same thing goes for making friends. I am also hearing that some of you want to reconnect with family but are afraid it might be a bad decision, but overall this thing you need to act on is bringing in freedom and peace.
Pile ll:
What is your intuition telling you? (Tarot: 5 of Pentacles (reversed), Knight of Wands & Swords, King of Cups, Strength, & 7 of Swords.
Pile ll I feel as soon as you began to choose your pile you already knew what you have been ignoring with your intuition. I am just here to confirm it for you that...yes...yes you do need to leave whomever it is around you that is on your mind alone. Some of you have been thinking about leaving a specific group, job, or person alone for a while now but lack the strength to leave because either fear of FOMO, you fear change, or because you fear what comes after the change. Similar to how some people don't fear death just what happens after it. You fear what may come after leaving whatever this is alone. Will you feel lonely? Will this person or place retaliate? Will you need them later on in life and regret losing them? These are the questions that plague your mind pile ll. You have to trust the universe (God, Allah, Source, etc) that whatever is being taken away from you, will be replaced with something even better. There is a quote that says "I would rather adjust my life to your absence than adjust my boundaries for your disrespect" and this is what you have to do. Stop allowing others to play in your face. You deserve better than that and you know this...have more self-love and respect for yourself. Love yourself more than you do whatever is it that is causing discourse in your life. You are the most important thing in your life, not a job, friends, etc but yourself. No one is going to treat you better than you can yourself. I need you to know this and to demand better and not let others shame you into wanting more. You might be the type to also eat whatever the waiter brings to the table when it's not what you ordered (some not all of you).
Extra Messages: Tea Tree Leaf Oracle Deck: Parting of the ways in either romance, friendship, or business, You will receive a gift, Strong emotions passionate love or hate, Happiness and well-being, Wish will not be granted, Dealing with a younger man, feeling tied down or frustrated.
Pile lll:
What is your intuition telling you? (Tarot: The Hierophant (reversed), Ace of Pentacles (reversed), 7 of Swords, 10 of Swords, and 8 of Pentacles.
I feel you are our own enemy pile lll. What you are ignoring with your intuition seems to be a mindset that you can't let go of. Maybe you are used to having to work hard for everything you have or have been taught that being a doctor, lawyer, etc is the only way you can be something in this lifetime and you are starting to finally see that they might not be true. OR at least you are kind of entertaining the idea but not tall the way fully. The abundance that you see is on the other side of the ways you have been telling or letting others tell you is the way it needs to be done. For some of you, you may have found teachings by Neville Goddard, The Secret, Joseph Murrey, etc, and have this aching feeling in your body to test out some of these theories for you to make more money because you are starting to believe that there is no way you have been placed on this earth to just work, sleep, pay bills, and die. You want to do more with your life and that includes traveling for some of you or even saving for retirement because you are seeing so many of the older generations having to go back to work because they didn't predict the inflation that is happening in today's society. You want financial freedom and stability. You want to be comfortable with your finances to where you only need to check it once a month or two to make sure you aren't overspending. Some of you also I am hearing need to learn more about about budgeting and not be triggered by the word budget. Purchase a spreadsheet from Etsy where you can track your expenses to see what you spend every month. I say give this new mindset a try. I can honestly speak for myself that it does work when ou change your mindset to a more abundant one and go about bringing in money the non-traditional way. Follow this lead. You won't know unless you try and when I mean try I mean keep going even when you don't see results. Give yourself a few months of trying something new. It doesn't hurt.
Extra Messages: Spellcasting Oracle Deck: Trust, Forgiveness, Financial Health, Life Purpose, & Clarity
Trust that whatever your intuition is leading you is the way to go. Some of you may be from a religious background and stepping into the world of manifesting, LOA, etc might give you some anxiety. Trust and embrace the new path you are walking on. Trust that the traditional way to have financial stability is not the only way. This path may even lead you to your life purpose, following non-traditional ways of making money whether it's being an artist, manifesting money, or whatever it is that has been speaking to your intuition that you have been ignoring.
Pile lV:
What is your intuition telling you? (Tarot: Justice, The Wheel, 6 of Cups, 7 of Cups, and 8 of Wands
Therapy is what your intuition has been calling for you to seek but you keep ignoring. If not therapy your inner child is seeking for you to heal whatever it is that happened in the past to help break the cycles of your future. You have probably made excuses for the behaviors of others in your past and something maybe a lightbulb moment hit you to where you finally said no..the things that happened in the past are not okay and you aren't sure how to go about processing your emotions. It reminds me of a video I once saw about how your inner child wants love but your inner teenager wants revenge. You probably rage with your emotions from depression, and rage, to just everything and anything within the spectrum of feeling sorry for yourself to wanting to watch the world of others burn and you need someone whether a therapist, a shadow work journal, or even a trusted LEVEL HEADED friend...you see what I put in all caps..please choose a level headed friend who won't encourage you to go to jail because you want to slash your exes tires and bust the windows of his car. Either way, you can't avoid this healing pile lv, it's time you forgive yourself for the past and stop letting it have a hold on you and dictate your future. You are not the reason or cause for the way people have disrespected you, made you feel unsafe, etc. Some of you may be waking up that the way you were raised was not okay and you don't want to repeat that on to your future kids or others in your life.
Extra Messages: Spellcasting Oracle Deck: Empowerment, Financial Health, Life Purpose, Fertility, Commitment, & Blessings.
You are on the verge of birthing a whole new you pile lV. As you begin to heal old wounds of the past and forgive yourself you will be releasing soul and karmic ties, bringing in blessings, a healthier relationship with money, finding your life purpose, and feeling empowered that you are taking back your life and not allowing the past to make you feel the way you have been feeling any longer.
Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon.
Stay safe and be blessed
#spirituality#witchblr#tarot reading#tarotcommunity#tarotblr#pick a card#tarot cards#pac tarot#pick a pile#pac reading#pick an image#pick a photo#pick a picture#pick a card reading
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E-Whore (Lewd Streamer Reader x HSR men with lewd intentions)
Veritas Ratio | Sunday | Blade | Jing Yuan (different scenarios for each men ♡)
GN! Kinda degrading terms used for reader simply because he would do it canonically, and i have a humiliation kink
Being a Trailblazer is amazing, but since it technically made you jobless, you needed some way to fund your shopping sprees when you visit new planets, so while some of your crewmates resort to farming calyx, you chose the easy way.
You had a hot body and you knew how to use it, making you an instant hit on the streaming site, moreover, as the site connected to servers in multiple galaxies, the chances of anyone you knew or will meet in real life knowing your side hustle are slim enough to never happen, right?
Wrong.
Despite Dr Ratio being a man of virtue and self-righteousness, he still has his moments where he is simply Veritas, a man with urges, annoying urges, and hormones that hinder his progress and goals, and despite him being able to overcome those distractions most days, today simply wasn't one of them.
So he reluctantly laid on his bed, putting up whatever porno that could get him going, till his eyes wandered out on the pesky ads flashing on the screen, beside the video he was jacking off to.
An ad for a streaming site, displaying a 'currently live' bouncy little thing stuffing their holes with a sizable vibrating dildo while making the cutest aroused faces as their body shuddered in pleasure. And out of character for him, his fingers automatically pressed on the link before his brain could even process it, as he got redirected to the streaming site.
Blink.
Blink.
"Ohh", he let out audibly, as he felt his dick twitch. It's you, the troublesome little trailblazer that was too foolish and defiant to hear out about their own stupidity, pouting and calling him pretentious (although that one was because of his mask), for when he told you 'how you're a hindrance for the work environment' when he first saw you in Herta's space station prancing around mindlessly, flirting and greeting the scientists during their working hours.
And now here you are, not only are you a pesky idiot, but also, a whore spreading their legs on camera for the whole world to see. But despite how low he thought of you, god did you look so good.
He let out low grunts, as he pumped the length of his shafts, pleased by the soft moans you were making on-screen, cute little whore, whining as a customer sent you a paid request to increase the vibration level, adoring the way your body shuddered.
So, stripping himself of his morals, he opened the token store, fingers moving as fast as possible to finish the payment as his fist was getting tainted by his precum as he sent you a tip, immediately hiking up to the stream's top donor, and despite him never consumed any lewd stream before the way your face lit up when you saw the big tip made him shiver in pleasure, ejaculating hard as you moaned out 'Ver' his username he put up in a hurry.
He laid there for a few minutes his mind hazy, and the post nut clarity hitting in hard, he really spent his money on an e-whore, him, the esteemed doctor ratio wasting his money just to hear you moan out his name.
And the worst of it was he knew he would do it again.
(Ps - He will call you whore or generally call your activities in private when he see you again irl)
#honkai star rail#hsr x gender neutral reader#hsr x you#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x gender neutral reader#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail x you#hsr dr ratio x you#hsr#dr ratio#veritas x reader#veritas ratio#hsr veritas#hsr ratio x reader#veritas ratio x reader#veritas ratio x you#mdni#18+ mdni
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I was thinking about kotlc recently and how the Black Swan originally wanted to wait to bring Sophie into the Lost Cities until way later, probably when she turned 18, and how different of a person Sophie would have been if that were the case.
Like at the start of the series, she's this child prodigy who has to go to community college in the fall at the age of 12 because her parents won't let her go to Yale (a totally valid parental choice btw), and the thing is I think she would have THRIVED in that environment. Like at first she would be scared and hesitant because in all other school environments she has been bullied for being as smart as she is, but now she's going into a school that people choose to go to in order to learn. Community college doesn't just have mean, jealous teenagers who attend, there are people of all ages and all walks of life who are ready to learn. Sure, Sophie would still be the youngest one there, and I doubt it would be super easy with the whole mind reading thing, but she would be in a much more supportive environment when it comes to learning than anything else she's experienced.
She'd be able to make friends with her peers, being able to bond over a shared love of whatever they're studying, and these friends don't think she's too smart or too weird. She maybe finds some way to muffle the voices in her head better than her earplugs did. Yeah, she still gets headaches, but she can manage it. I can see her taking as many classes as she can, figuring out her passions and what she might want to do as a career. She'd be in a fantastic place academically to transfer to any school she wants when she turns 18. I can even see her parents letting her graduate when she's 17 and allowing her to transfer to a four year college to get a bachelor's in whatever she wants to study, whatever she finds her passion for, because she worked hard for this, and doesn't hate school now, and has found a path for herself in life that feels right.
And then the Black Swan shows up and whisks her away from all of that, and she's heartbroken because she doesn't need to be taken away from everything she's worked so hard for. Yeah it feels nice to finally have the whole mind reading question answered, but she doesn't need a new place to belong, she has one. I imagine this Sophie being a lot more confident in herself, but a lot angrier too. She's fascinated by her new world, but desperately wants to go back home, to just live out the life she's been working towards. I can see her working side by side with the Black Swan from the jump, because she's in a world with injustice and she can't just sit back and let this slide, but constantly fighting back this resentment for them and how they took everything from her. I think of how canon Sophie had a brief moment of hesitation when it came to training her Telepathy, and I think this older Sophie would be conflicted between wanting to know more about this abnormality that she's been dealing with her whole life, and wanting to cling to her human identity and her old life as much as she possibly can. Because she's been ripped away from it, and no matter what her genetics say, this Sophie still views herself as human.
#please do not get it twisted I love love love canon sophie#i have just been thinking about this a lot and wanted to share#i have never written a fanfic before but this concept has me wanting to bc i love reimaginings of big stories where just one thing changes#and that causes a whole ripple effect that changes so many of the characters and dynamics#like without sophie silveny wouldn't be found and the ruewen's would still be having intense grief and maybe Alvar would still be working#with the neverseen and Marella probably wouldn't have manifested et cetera et cetera#i like to think that it's Stina who goes undercover to track down sophie instead of fitz bc her dad is in the black swan and she is about#sophie's age#i just think it would be funny to swap those two out#anyways sorry i didn't mean for that to be that long i just started word vommiting onto my screen#kotlc#kotlc fandom#kotlc thoughts#keeper of the lost cities#sophie foster#i am absolutely projecting my appreciation for the community college i go to onto sophie here
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Scarecrow helping his partner in overcoming their trauma and fear of doctors....
Imagine being so afraid of doctors and hospitals that you refuse to step foot in one. Now imagine dating Jonathan Crane and him helping you overcome that fear. (I honestly think he'd love to help his partner overcome their trauma, it's a chance to study you hahah)
I think firstly, he'd do this in a neutral environment, maybe your apartment or a coffee shop. He'd pull out a sleeve of medical equipment for you to study and look at safely without worry of it being used on you. Maybe he only brings out one tool out at a time, letting you hold (if possible for you) and touch the tool. He teachers you how it's used in a surgery or whatever it's needed for in the medical environment. He may not be a medical doctor, but he's quote knowledgeable of it's practices. Which is nice.
You may feel uneasy, but somehow he makes it feel safe. You know that despite his evil demeanor, he's NOT going to inject you with that needle in his hand. There's no toxin present either. The no needle in the syringe so you can even hold it and examine it safely. He might jokingly pose you with the tip of the syringe though, he's gotta have a LITTLE fun!!
Once you are comfortable with the various tools, and anything that may bring you distress, the next best thing for your therapy is to go to a real hospital. Maybe even talk to a doctor, Jonathan has connections after all....
Jonathan drives you to Gotham General Hospital and parks out front, giving you time to do some deep breathing and sike yourself up for walking inside. Gentle words of encouragement escape his lips, he actually acts like a decent human being.
He reassures you that this is a simple tour, no procedure will be done, nothing to be afraid of. You are lucky, you see! You get to go being the scenes and see more than what the average patient sees! He even lets you hold his hand if you get scared, wow!
Imagine walking down the halls, your feet shaking and yet, you are not very afraid. You know he will be there for you, he's always supported you. It will be okay.
and. It IS okay. You learn a lot, you see someone undergoing a CT scan, you look into a door's window and see a surgery happening live. The whole place seems safe, for once in your life. Nurses are kind to you, doctors shake your hand. It's not so bad, you think.
You're no where close to being able to go in alone, but now you know that you're NOT alone. You have Jonathan. And that's enough to ease your fears. Maybe you can overcome your trauma, just maybe.
#Jonathan Crane#Scarecrow#The Scarecrow#re-do of a commission#I hope this one makes you smile#I tried something different this time#it's not very dark but idk#that didn't suit this#Mistress' Headcanons
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Shadows of the Past
Chapter 16: Ruins
Summary: After a year of blissful cohabitation, Astarion disappears without a trace, leaving behind a heartfelt letter explaining his departure. Determined to find him, you traverse Faerûn in search of your lost love, only to realize that some absences are meant to be permanent.
Returning to Waterdeep, you find solace in the company of Gale as you come to terms with Astarion's absence. But just as you begin to heal, Astarion reappears, begging for a second chance at love.
The question looms: can you forgive his abandonment and trust him once more? As you grapple with your emotions and trauma, a sinister force lurks in the shadows, targeting you for unknown reasons.
With danger closing in, you must navigate the treacherous waters of trust, love, and betrayal to uncover the truth behind the mysterious entity's motives. Will you be able to reunite with Astarion while facing the demons of your past? Can you unravel the secrets that threaten your very existence?
Setting: Post End-Game. Mostly canon compliant.
Word Count: 6.9K
Content: Explicit 18+ - intended for mature audiences.
Warnings: [Additional tags will be added, but expect mature content / read at your own risk.]
Spoilers. Mentions of in-game missable content. Violence. Sexual Assault [Implied/attempted sexual assault: Chapter 7]. Past Trauma. Murder. Death. Longing. Sexual themes. Smut. Blood drinking. Angst. Innuendos. High use of sarcasm. Completely fabricated camp interactions. Panic attacks. Anxiety.
“Are you sure this is the right place?” You ask, glancing at Shadowheart.
Her eyebrows pinch, and she studies the map in her hands with Gale looking over her shoulder.
“This is the correct location, according to the map.” Gale says, with his fingers cradling his chin.
You walk through a grand wrought-iron archway toward the two-story manor with a facade of azure tiles that gleam in the sunlight. A marble staircase leads to the portico, lined with stately round columns and a double door with intricate carvings of mermaids and sea serpents.
“You look perplexed, Gale,” you say, as he comes up beside you with his arms crossed. “Something wrong?”
“Just lost in thought." Gale cants his head. "I cannot recall ever seeing this building before, and something with this much grandeur stands out.”
"So, are we just going to spend the day outside or are we going to discover what treasures this puppy has inside?" Hecat prompts with her voice high with excitement.
You barely manage to stifle the groan that tries to cow its way from your throat, but your face deforms into a disgruntled scowl despite your intentions to remain impassive.
Why did I insist on bringing her again? Ah-yes, because it was either this or leaving her alone with Astarion.
“We cannot just go barging into homes,” you conclude with an authoritative edge. It’s been a while since you had to take this tone with anyone, and it feels strange to be playing the role of the fearless leader again. “Gale grew up here. If he says he hasn’t seen this building before, then something is up, and we must proceed carefully.”
Hecat purses her lips with her hands on her hips, and then she laughs like an overly energetic child. “Of course, dragon girl. Whatever you say.”
“Well, it’s possible I missed it.” Gale says, trying to ease the tension. “Though, unlikely.”
“No.” Shadowheart hisses with distain. She looks at you with a mischievous smile. “Kamena is right, Gale. You wouldn’t miss a bright blue building in your hometown.”
You make a mental note to hug Shadowheart later. There’s a peculiar feeling rife in the air, and you glance around and study the environment. Though it looks picturesque, no birds fly in the sky above, no insects hover above the vivid yellow and blue flowers that line the gardens, and the salty breeze doesn’t rustle the trees or grass.
An illusion, and a sloppy one at that.
The Weave suffuses you, infusing every pore of your being, until the essence emanates from you in a blushing radiance. Reaching out, you project vines of power to twist and penetrate into the illusion and expel the magic that holds it in place.
The mirage flutters and dissolves away like paint on a canvas left out in the rain, revealing a forsaken structure with thorny, sunburnt vines that run up cracked walls of dirt-stained limestone.
“Someone went through a lot of trouble to hide this,” you mutter, drawing your quarterstaff, Markoheshkir. “Be on your guard.”
Gale fills himself with the Weave, Shadowheart brandishes her spear, and Hecat unholsters the sword she procured from the prison as you approach. The door squeaks on its hinges as you push it open and enter the grand vestibule. A discarded chandelier lays sprawled on the floor, which is layered with dust and rubble that grinds under your boots.
It doesn’t look like anything aside from rodents and insects has resided here in a long time as you search the forgotten manor. Clothing is strewn with holy moth-eaten rags hanging from wardrobes and chests as if the drawers were retching the clothing, indicating whoever lived here fled quickly. Jewellery of all kinds still sits on tarnished silver platters in the bed chambers.
“Don’t mind if I do!” Hecat yammers with a wide smile as she fills her pockets.
You roll your eyes as you flip through the embrittled pages of what looks to be an old journal, but the pigment in the ink has faded with age and become nearly unreadable.
Leaving Hecat to her ransacking, you meander through the upper-floor bedrooms and libraries, trying to imagine what this place would have looked like without the mould eagerly crawling up the walls, spreading its tendrils of decay, and the dreary, dirt-clad flooring. The ceiling was once frescoed to depict epic scenes of something that's no longer discernible through the fractures and decayed patches.
Shadowheart trots up beside you and whispers. “Hecat is going to need someone to carry her out of here if she keeps stuffing her pockets.”
“Good.” You lean close to Shadowheart, putting your arm around her shoulder. “I will happily leave her and her overstuffed pockets here.”
Shadowheart chuckles under her breath. “Me too, but I imagine we will have to drag Gale away.”
You wiggle your glowing fingers with a devious grin. “What do you think Sleep spells are for?”
Ducking into a bed chamber, you use the sleeve of your robe to wipe the grime from the window, allowing some light into the dim space. Shadowheart follows you, pulling out drawers and opening containers, analyzing everything with a quizzical furrow pinching her brow.
Your boots thud off a floor plank with a hollow plunk, making you stop in your tracks. Crouching, you brush away the debris and rap your knuckles against various boards until you find the source. It’s barely perceptible, but you can see the scratches where the beam has been moved.
“Shadowheart. Do you think you can pry this up with the tip of your spear?”
Shadowheart wedges the point of her blade between the board and pops it out to reveal a small compartment full of the silky remains of spider webs, and you cringe.
Shadowheart laughs. “Don’t tell me you’re still afraid of spiders.”
“Oh, don’t you start to!” You huff theatrically. “I take enough shit from Astarion over this.”
“Well, you did throw rocks at him that one time.” Shadowheart goads, trying to stifle her chuckling.
“Once! I did it once! Gods above. I’m about to throw rocks at you too!”
“Spiders, huh?” Hecat simpers, leaning against the doorframe with a smarmy grin. “Don’t worry. We all have our weaknesses. I’ve got you, dragon girl.”
You and Shadowheart glance at each other with palpable caution. Hecat has never been quiet, always stomping around Gale’s manor with footsteps so loud that it’s like her feet are made of lead. Yet here she is sneaking up and eavesdropping on your conversations. This one was innocent, but if she is capable of moving that quietly when she wants to, you will have to be more vigilant.
Hecat reaches into the hole, shooting you a smile that looks genuine but doesn’t reach her eyes, and produces a small diary with leather straps, keeping it tied shut. She hands the item off, probably unhappy that it’s not another gem or golden necklace for her to stuff in her already plump pack.
You open it carefully. The pages feel weak, as if they might fall to pieces like a dried leaf. The ink is dull, but there are passages that are legible, and you scan them. It’s written in an old dialect of common and speaks of meeting a handsome man in a tavern with eyes red like the sunset and skin pale and impossibly smooth like a pearl’s surface.
Several pages have to be flipped before you find another passage clear enough to read. It talks about sneaking out to meet the unnamed man in the rose gardens bordering the estate every night, how he seemed oddly cold when they embraced, and how his smiles were only ever tight-lipped.
Another excerpt speaks about sneaking him into the basement of the manor, falling in love, and how he spoke in sweet promises of eternity.
The rest of the words are illegible until the last page, which reads, “I am dead. I am dead. I am dead.”
By the time you look back up, Gale is standing with Hecat while Shadowheart reads over your shoulder.
Shadowheart shakes her head. “Poor fool.”
“I didn’t see a basement in this place.” You glance between Shadowheart and Gale, who both shrug.
You meticulously search the main floor for anything that looks out of place. Hecat and you move overturned furniture, Shadowheart tosses books off shelves, and Gale uses the Weave to look for any illusion that may be still at play, but all you get for it is dirt-streaked faces and grimy hands.
“You could just break the walls,” Hecat muses, looking around. “You’re powerful enough to do that, aren’t you?”
“What a bright idea!” You cannot keep the poisonous sarcasm out of your voice. “I will just bring the entire place down on our heads. That will surely do it!”
Hecat scoffs, but before she can lash you with a clever counter, Gale shouts, “My friends! I think I found something!”
Shadowheart pats your back as you trail behind Hecat with a fearsome frown. You really would like to melt her eyes from her sockets. She’s been eyeballing Astarion ever since you returned, and try as you might, letting go, or growing up, as Astarion so harshly put it, has been a challenge.
You’re trying, but insecurity is a rabid beast, and it hasn’t quite had its fill of you yet.
Gale points to an unremarkable shelf built into a wall. “Seek, and you shall find! There’s a draft from the cracks in the wood.” Gale grabs your hand, sticking it close. “Feel it?”
Although it’s barely perceivable, the air coming from behind the cracks is cooler than that of the ambient room. Your fingers trace around the edges. If there were any scratches or marks to indicate a way to open this, they’ve been hidden by peeling paint and swollen, cracking wood.
You fill yourself with the Weave making your eyes burn pink, and Shadowheart and Gale move away habitually, an old habit from your adventures. Hecat, on the other hand, stands close, tapping her foot impatiently. You’re very tempted to let her get caught in your destruction — an unfortunate accident — but Gale guides her away before you can make up your mind.
“Detono!”
The wood boards are thrown inward, hailing splinters with a loud boom. The dank, mildewed air fans your sweaty face as you peer into a dark corridor. Shadowheart casts Light on her spear, and you hold fire in your palm as you make your way through the cramped alley with mindful steps until you come to a stone staircase that winds down.
The shadows seem to stretch and distort along the stone walls ominously, and your footsteps echo throughout. It takes minutes to reach the bottom, where it finally opens up into a room with a dirt floor. There are dirty, hay-stuffed mattresses strewn about, but the room extends too far to see properly.
You crouch as Shadowheart stops by your side. You hold your arm out to halt her and scan the earthy ground. “Traps.”
Astarion taught you many things — identifying traps was one of them — but he laughed boisterously until tears shone in his eyes when you asked him to teach you how to disarm them.
“Ah-no.” Astarion giggles mirthfully. The harder you scowl, the funnier he thinks it is.
“What?” You pout and shoot him the puppy eyes that you know he has a hard time refusing. “Please?”
Astarion smirks, leaning back in his chair with his hands laced behind his head. “You can look at me with your sad puppy eyes and precious pout all you like, darling. The answer is still no."
“Why not?” You snort. “Don’t you think it would be prudent for me to know? What if I get myself trapped somewhere?”
“Well, since I go where you go, I don’t see that being a problem.” Astarion grins handsomely, fangs peeking out from the perfect bow of his lips.
“You’re scared I’m going to blow myself up, aren’t you?”
“Scared?” He chuckles with a highly arched brow and a slight shake of his head. “No. I have no doubt you will blow yourself up. If you die, who is going to light the fire for me? Gods forbid I would have to return to doing it the old-fashioned way. With these nails? Truly a travesty."
“You know that I am well aware you can cast Fire Bolt, right? I mean, you don’t cast it well, but well enough to light the fire."
“Don’t cast it well? Hells below.” Astarion groans. “It’s a cantrip; there’s hardly any skill needed for such child's play. The same cannot be said about disarming traps. If you fuck that up, you die, and your dexterity is atrocious. I’ll leave the magic to you, and you leave the traps to me, yes?”
“Fine!” You relent, giving your foot a stomp because you know it will earn you another lilting giggle from him, and it’s somehow the prettiest sound you’ve ever heard. “I didn’t hear any complaints about my dexterity last night.”
"Sassy tonight, are we?" Astarion smiles, patting his lap. “Do you ever stop thinking about sex?”
“With you?” You settle with your legs at his hips and his hands around your waist. “Never.”
“Well, stop thinking and start doing, my sweet.”
Returning at night is a dangerous prospect. You’ve been doing most of your scouting during the day and making sure you’re well within the safety of the manor long before twilight blankets the city.
You sigh. “We will need to return with Astarion before we can proceed any further.”
“Oh, goody!” Hecat squeals. “I cannot wait to see the vampire in action. That must truly be a real pleasure to see.”
You close your eyes tightly, scrunching up your entire face with a white-knuckled grip on Markoheshkir.
It would be so terrible if she tripped and fell into the traps. Wouldn't it?
“That vampire has a name,” Shadowheart scolds with a surly intonation. “And you would do well to mind your tongue, or you’ll find yourself on the streets.”
“Now, now,” Gale mewls in his too-cordial, assuaging intonation. “I’m sure Hecat didn’t mean to offend.”
“I—“ Hecat trips over her own words. She tries to keep her voice steady, but you catch the faintest tremble of dread braided with embarrassment. The Tiefling doesn’t want to be left on the streets, it seems, but you cannot help but wonder if it’s all an act. “I didn’t mean to antagonize anyone. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me.” Hecat grabs your arm, forcing you to turn and look at her. She pleads, “Especially you. Truly. My mouth can run a little brainlessly. I’m sorry.”
She sounds sincere, and her eyes don’t radiate any ill-will. Guilt sneaks up on you like a shadowed figure, unnoticed until it’s standing behind you and smothering your conscience in its dark silhouette. This woman has been decent to you. In prison, she protected you from the riffraff and was essential to your escape; outside of it, she’s done nothing more than make obtuse comments and salivate over Astarion, but most people do the same when in his presence.
You wonder idly if there is anything you can do to make him slightly less earth-shatteringly handsome — a moronic contemplation. Your best idea is that you could polymorph him into a sheep, but knowing him, he would find a way to make even that look good.
Ridiculous, bafflingly beautiful man.
With a lungful of musty air, you acquiesce and try to gag the mistrustfulness that has made its home in your bone marrow. “It's alright. Let's return home, and we can think about if we want to return here at night. We could be walking straight into a trap.”
Astarion greets you, standing just shy of the sun flooding in from the door, having heard your approach. “Gods. You’re positively filthy. What in the Hells were you up to? You look like you’ve been rolling in dirt.”
“What? Not going to give me a welcome back hug, lover?” You tease.
“Bloody Hells no,” he taunts, quirking a brow at you with a mock disdainful grin. “You seriously cannot expect me to sully all of this with all of that.” He gestures wildly toward you.
“I’m certain I recall you enjoying a little roll in the dirt once in a while.” You taunt, shimming your shoulders with a whimsical smile.
“Good Gods, you two really haven’t changed a bit, have you?” Shadowheart chuckles, placing her spear on the weapon rack. “At least take it upstairs, will you?”
Astarion smirks with a dangerous gleam in his eyes. “Gladly.”
Hecat strolls past Astarion without even glancing his way, and you wonder if the woman has finally — fucking finally — taken the hint, but there is still a slight sway to her hips and the tip of her tail ghosts over his upper thigh. Whether it was done on purpose or by accident, there’s no way to tell.
Astarion darts to the side at the unexpected contact, and his features contort in a knee-jerk response. He swallows hard, making his Adam’s apple bob, and you see it written in his eyes.
Disgust. Loathing. All those feelings he tries so hard to forget.
You seethe, your skin worming over your frame in a sea of flames, and you step forward with magic braced on your fingertips. Astarion slips in front of you and shakes his head in a silent plea to overlook it. It makes you physically ill, but you yield and stalk upstairs to your room to change into something less covered in muck.
“Thank you,” Astarion murmurs.
“For?”
“I do love it when you act pig-headed,” he grunts, currying his fingers through his hair. “Hecat. I know you saw it, and I know you saw my reaction to it.”
“She made you uncomfortable,” you hiss under your breath, tossing your dirty robe and trousers away aggressively. You want to say she is lucky to still have her life, and that is a godsdamned truth. Relax, you think. Astarion is capable of taking care of himself. He needs my support, not my ire. You take a deep breath and say, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about, really,” Astarion laments, sitting on the bed with his hand on his forehead. “Not that you’re not aware of anyway. It was a spontaneous response to being touched in a way I wasn’t expecting, and perhaps a little too close to home, if you catch my drift, but I am not convinced it was purposeful.”
Sometimes you wonder if you pushed him too hard in the Shadowlands when he confessed. Should you have backed off and been his friend instead of his lover? Is that what would’ve been better for him? In the moment, it felt right to hug him, but sometimes you look back and see it as a selfish thing to do when he was telling you he didn’t enjoy intimacy.
Oh? Intimacy brings up feelings of disgust and loathing? Well, let me press my body right up against yours without asking!
Foolish fucking woman.
You cannot help but worry that you cause the same discomfort on occasion when you touch him unexpectedly. Though his issues surrounding affection are difficult for him to navigate, they are also undeniably demanding of you. Where you find solace in his touch, regardless of whether it’s expected or sudden, the same cannot be said about him, and it’s all too easy to misplace the mindfulness of that fact.
How often do you touch him out of reflex and cause the same feelings to crop up? How many times has he ignored it and simply let it happen without saying a word?
“Don’t.” Astarion pleads suddenly right in front of you, taking your hand and pressing it to his chest in the way he knows soothes you. His face and voice are a ledger to his anxiety. He blurts frantically. “Don’t pull away from me now. Don’t run from me. Please.”
In another lifetime, you would’ve asked the questions plaguing your mind without hesitation. You have memories of when communication was harmonious and uncomplicated. He would tell you when you were being an obstinate, pigheaded child, and you would tell him when he was being a haughty, old prick.
And then he left me, you think, in the dead of night.
That time is dead, buried in a graveyard of uncertainty and doubt. You’re beginning to trust him; day by day, it gets easier and a little less daunting, but will you ever be that confident in your relationship again?
Astarion’s crimson eyes don’t leave yours, and his thumb sweeps across the back of your hand, the picture of patience. You allow your body to lean into him slowly so that he knows your intention — a gesture of comfort and reassurance that you aren’t going to race out the door like you’ve done on so many occasions. His response is unforced and natural, wrapping his arms around you and holding you tight.
“Tell me what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours, my love.” He coos, soft and gentle, in that whisky-warm voice that allays your turbulent thoughts. “You can talk to me about anything.”
You mull it over in your head, not completely sure that you can handle starting down this particular road. Quiet minutes stretch out between you. Astarion’s hand rubs slow circles across your back, but he does not press you further.
“Do I ever make you feel like that?” You mutter against his chest, sheltered in his arms from whatever painful truths this ends with. “I forget sometimes to make my intentions to touch you obvious or known. I need you to remind me when I lapse.”
“Oh, love, no.” Astarion smiles as you venture a glance up at him. He leans forward but halts inches above your lips, making you meet him halfway. You kiss him, your hand caressing his cheek. “When it’s just us, you needn’t be heedful of when or where you touch me, Kamena. You haven’t made me feel that way in some time, but if you ever do, I will tell you. I do not intend to keep anything from you again.” He reassures.
“Okay.” You exhale heavily through your nose and try to relax the rigidity in your body. “I still get scared sometimes that you’re going to leave again, that I’ll wake up one morning and you’ll be gone.”
“I know,” Astarion sighs, kissing your forehead. He takes your arms and gently guides them around his waist, encouraging you to touch his back with a steady gaze. When you hug him, you rarely wrap yourself around his waist, ever mindful of his back and scars. It is a show of how much he trusts you and how your touch does not bother him. “I know it will take time, and I will never stop trying, but do you think you will ever be able to trust me again?”
“I’m trying,” you reply truthfully, even though it’s far more complex than that. You bury your face in his chest, finding it easier to confess when he isn’t staring at you with those eyes that impair your ability to speak honestly. “It just... it still hurts.”
“I’m well aware. You mutter in your trance sometimes, begging me not to go or to come back.”
A flush of embarrassment tidal waves through you, pricking across your skin all the way to the tips of your ears. Hells. You knew you often woke up screaming, but you didn’t realize you were also talking during your rest.
You wave it off, trying to play it as insignificant and something you can easily disregard.
Astarion grabs your arm. His touch is gentle, but his expression is grave. “No. Don’t pretend it’s nothing when it is anything but.”
You ground yourself and attempt to persuade him. “They are just dreams, Astarion. It’s really not— “
“Serious?” Astarion retorts, clearly a little irritated that you think you can manipulate him into believing this little white lie. “It is significant, Kamena. Those fears, the ones I caused, do not just infect your dreams; they bleed into the waking world as well. I see them on your face; endeavour to catch them before they latch on and take root; keep them at bay as much as I can.
“I do not begrudge you, but don’t discount your residual pain.” Astarion looks askance, his eyes darkening like cloudy skies. “If you minimize it, then you also discard the effort I am putting in to dispel them and prove that I am here and I’m not going anywhere.”
“I--" you stutter, trying to govern the impulse to keep cementing your suffering behind a wall and hope he doesn’t see it. Your throat feels dry all of a sudden. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I know this has been difficult for you as well. I didn’t mean to undervalue your efforts.”
Astarion’s eyes return to yours, full of hope and appreciation for acknowledging that you know he’s trying. “Thank you. Now, quit leaving me in this dreadful suspense. Did you find anything on your little expedition today?”
You dig through your bag and hand him the diary. “Not much, but the place was glamoured like the bog, if you remember.”
“Do you think my memory really that fickle?” Astarion scoffs while he pours over the pages. “I may not remember everything from two centuries ago, darling, but I vividly remember a couple years ago, especially your sun-kissed skin, rosy cheeks, and eyes that could slow galaxies. Though, I would have preferred if you had left that illusion in place.”
“Perhaps it would have been more pleasant, but it was pretty funny to “Baaa” at the Redcaps, no?”
Astarion laughs. “You surprised me that day.”
“Really?”
“Oh yes,” Astarion simpers with a smug grin. “I did not expect you to bleat like a sheep so well — a flawless performance, truly.”
“A flawless performance, truly,” you repeat, doing your best to imitate him with a mocking flair.
“Sorceress.” His eyes swing up from the journal with a handsomely quirked brow. “Not half bad! You’re improving.”
You giggle at his praise. “Do you still have armour and weapons, Rogue? Or do we need to go on a thieving spree?”
That gets his full attention, and Astarion’s head jerks up. “I would never say no to a night of splendid depravity, but I do indeed still have my armour and weapons. Why?”
“There’s a basement positively brimming with traps that need disarming.”
“Hm, well, now I kind of wish I picked the thieving spree.” Astarion pouts. “Disarming traps all night sounds like much less fun.”
“You could always teach me how,” you taunt.
“This again? Gods.” Astarion groans, smoothing his hand down his face, exasperated. “The answer will be no until the end of time, sweetheart, but nice try.”
“You suck sometimes.”
Astarion laughs, saunters over, and folds his arms around you. He presses the sculpted muscles of his chest against your back and kisses your neck, tracing his lips up the column. “I am a man of many talents. I suck, bite, and lick, if you ask nicely enough, love.”
“Please.”
“Good girl,” he purrs.
Approaching the derelict estate slowly, Astarion’s eyes flit about the shadows as he methodically scans every concealed corner. He holds out a hand, halting you and Shadowheart at the archway, and listens. You and Shadowheart know this routine well, and you stand muted and motionless until Astarion indicates otherwise.
“I don’t hear or smell anything out of the ordinary, but that doesn’t mean they are not waiting downwind or out of sight.”
“You don’t say.” Shadowheart snickers satirically. “I would never have guessed that. Thank you, Astarion, for your impressive observations.”
“You’re very welcome, flower.” Astarion drawls with a boyish grin.
It feels like old times watching Astarion in his strikingly etched, black leather armour with gold stitching and buckles. Shadowheart still wears the Adamantine armour from your travels, but it’s been dyed sky blue, white, and gold. You adorn Wavemother’s robe, dyed deep lilac, orange, and black. The chains have been altered to include dragons that appear to soar up your chest.
It is, unsurprisingly, Astarion’s favourite among your robes.
Brandishing Markoheshkir with a flourish, you keep the Weave poised at your fingertips as you make your way inside.
“Do you think I could have a little look around?” Astarion asks, looking at you for permission as if you were still the leader of the ragtag group of misfits. “Perhaps I will find something you… overlooked.”
“Missed,” you grunt. “You want to look for things we might have missed. Be my guest, but if you’re looking for valuables to steal, Hecat already pocketed them all.”
Astarion nods, strolling off to pick through the ruins of someone’s life long since dead and turned to bone dust. Your fingers pass over dainty figurines that are chipped, dulled, and antiquated.
“How did you get Hecat to stay behind?” Shadowheart asks.
“I don’t know if you remember, but I can be exceptionally persuasive, and if that fails, intimidating.”
“Oh,” Shadowheart picks up a tattered book, tossing it aside. “How could I ever forget your silver tongue? It got us into and out of so many situations.”
“Didn’t it?”
“Who do you think these people were?” Shadowheart’s brows furrow. “They were obviously affluent and left in a hurry, but people with this type of money don’t tend to just go missing without notice.”
“Left, taken, or were killed.” You cast Light on your quarterstaff to illuminate the gloomy space and peer around.
“Killed,” Astarion concludes, descending the stairs with silent but rapid steps. “Massacred really.”
“How do you know?” Shadowheart frowns.
“Come now. Need I remind you that I’m a vampire?” Astarion crouches, sweeping away the layers of grime to reveal tenebrous, old floorboards. He twitches his fingers at you, and you toss him your glowing quarterstaff. He hovers it above the cleared patch and gestures toward an almost invisible discoloration. “Blood,” he concludes. “Very, very old, but blood nonetheless. It’s positively hither and yon in this place.”
“Hither and yon?” Shadowheart giggles. “Hells below. I do forget how old you are.”
“Curious.” Astarion arches a brow at her with a dastardly gleam in his nebulously red eyes. “I never forget how much of a child you are.”
Shadowheart scoffs indignantly, her arms crossing with a scowl.
Astarion chuckles, spinning Markoheshkir like he would his daggers, and then handing it to you. “Well, shall we head down into whatever horrors await us? You’ve only paid for my services until dawn, sorceress. It will cost you extra if I have to make an additional visit to this hellhole.”
“I don’t know if I can afford your fee, Rogue.”
Astarion pivots on his heel, tugging you by the waist into a chaste kiss with a knavish grin. “I am positive we can work something out, love.”
Shadowheart grunts her displeasure, making Astarion smile against your lips. You give him a playful shove away and point. “I’m not paying you to stand around.”
“Oh,” Astarion murmurs with a wink. “I do like it when you take charge and boss me around.”
Descending the stairs is even more imposing with the knowledge that you could be walking straight into a trap. The drum of your heartbeat spikes, and your breathing starts to quicken. Astarion glances back with a nod that tells you he still hasn’t detected anything unusual lurking in the abyssal depths. He offers you his hand, and you take it gladly.
At the bottom, you, Shadowheart, and Astarion all shuffle into the minimal space that Astarion indicates as a safe zone. Each of you tries peering into the nethermost bowels of the basement, but the shadows are far too thick. Even the Light emanating from Markoheshkir is hardly enough to brighten the vicinity around the three of you.
Shadowheart stares at the ground with a mix of trepidation and hesitancy. “Can you disarm traps in such low light, Astarion? Safely, I mean. I rather like my limbs attached to my body.”
“Not all traps are bombs, my dear.” He drawls nonchalantly, taking your staff and holding it out over the ground. “And these are an invigorating mix between acid and explosives. Hmm. If the acid is combustible, we would be in for quite the show. Not to worry. I can defuse these in my sleep. However, I’ll need some light, so Kamena, you need to stick close to me and step only where I indicate, understand?”
“Are you sure?” You ask, gripping his arm.
“If I was not sure, I would not have you follow me. I would never put you in danger.” Astarion assures with his eyes anchored on you, covering your hand with his own. “Do you trust me, Kamena?”
A nod to your earlier conversation where you admitted you’re still afraid he’s going to leave. You meet his gaze resolutely. “I trust you. Lead on.”
Astarion leads you through the tangle of traps, pointing where to place your feet. With Markoheshkir gleaming and slung across your back, you let fire hover in your palm at a distance Astarion deems safe and impel the element to burn white-hot. It is, admittedly, an excessive expenditure of your sorcery.
Even with Astarion’s mastery, it’s a slow-going process. There are far more traps than you were able to perceive at first glance, and the room extends further back than you anticipated. It seems every time Astarion has you proceed, you get naught more than a couple of shuffling steps before he’s crouching over another trap lying in wait for a careless foot. You glance back at Shadowheart, who has cast her own weapon with Light and call back to make sure she’s safe.
“Tell Astarion to bloody hurry up!” She grunts. “I think he’s out of practice.”
Astarion rolls his eyes, groaning under his breath as he fiddles with the device before him. You watch the deftness of his fingers as he makes short work of the mechanisms. It’s obvious why he refuses to teach you this particular skill. You wouldn’t possess enough patience or adroitness to perform this task. How Astarion knows which wires to cut, levers to adjust, or shells to remove is a mystery to you. They all appear different visually.
“She knows I can hear her, yes?” Astarion grumbles, wiping the sweat from his brow.
“She knows. Are you getting tired? We could take a break.”
“Tired?” Astarion quirks a brow at you with a frown. “What gives you that impression?”
“You’re sweating,” you reply bluntly.
“Yes,” he says snidely. “You are hovering a white-hot orb of flame over my head.”
“Why didn’t you just say something?” You scold him, trying to hide embarrassment. You know you’re being overzealous with the brightness. “I think I can coerce it to burn cooler.”
It’s an utter certainty that you can; fire is in your blood, and it bows to you, but it will require more endurance. As adept as you are, power is not limitless.
“I didn’t say anything because it’s kind of like being in the sun again, Solicallor.” He smiles authentically, but there is a sadness behind it that he doesn’t try to hide.
He misses the sun.
You nod your understanding, but still focus on marginally reducing the heat.
“How did you learn this?” You blurt out the question that’s been whirring around your mind since you started watching him.
You can’t imagine a magistrate would have much use for this, even a crooked one. Picking locks, absolutely, but this?
“Books at first.”
“Books?”
“Yes, darling, books. You know those things with paper and words all bound together? Books.” He teases.
“Ha-ha.” You say flatly. “I meant it more like you can learn this from books?”
“The basic principles of it anyway.” Astarion nods. “The application of them requires a little more hands-on experience.”
“There is not much to do during the day when you’re a vampire, besides trance, so I would read.” He glances up at you. “At night, after my orders were completed, I would peruse the city and disarm every trap I found. I blew myself up, poisoned myself, and had my skin eaten away by acid plenty of times before I got it right. Cazador would get positively peeved when I returned injured. It was good fun. Looking back at it now, I think I was trying to get myself killed, either by the traps themselves or Cazador.”
He seems bemused by the whole reminiscence, and you’re trying to decide whether to be horrified or not.
“Vampire spawn are obnoxiously hard to kill.” He muses thoughtfully. “I think that’s the last of them.” He stands, eyeing the ground and looking for anything he might have missed. He reaches for the quarterstaff draped across your back. “May I?”
You nod, and he takes it. He instructs briskly. “Stay here. I’m going to double check.”
“Astarion…”
Astarion squeezes your shoulder comfortingly. “If one of these things blows up on me, I will survive — a little blood and I’ll be right as rain — but if one blows up on you, it could kill you, and I would never be able to forgive myself. Please don’t be mulish for once. I will be right back, and you’re more than welcome to continue scowling at me.”
You huff, rubbing your forehead. “Fine.”
Astarion strolls off confidently while you mutter under your breath, keeping the fire in your palm animated mostly for the solace it provides. You observe Astarion’s movements only by the lambency of Markoheshkir bobbing around in the dark like a dancing spectre.
He returns, calling out to Shadowheart to let her know it’s safe to move about.
“Should we spread out and search, or should we stick together?” Shadowheart asks, directed at you. “How big is this place?”
“I’m not sure.” Spreading out doesn’t sit well with you when you don’t know what could be skulking around in the darkness, but time is also of the essence, and it would be more efficient. You find yourself giving instructions, falling back into the leader role you so loathed. “Spread out, but always keep each other in sight. We can work our way down systematically.”
You recast Light on one of Astarion’s daggers, making the spell keeping Markoheshkir aglow fade. Astarion opens his mouth to protest, but you cut him off. “I have fire. I don’t need it.”
It surprises you when Astarion merely nods and concedes. He knows well enough that there’s nothing he can say to change your mind, and it’s a pointless venture to try.
You can veritably hear him in your head calling you pig-headed, and you smirk to yourself as you start combing through the space. Mattresses litter the ground, stained and soiled. Pieces of loose paper, utensils, cracked or broken dinnerware, and sometimes stuffed animals are scattered around chaotically.
When you finally get to a wall, it’s just plain bedrock. This place is more of a cavern than a basement. Droplets of water dribble down the stone, and gnarled roots reach out from the ceiling like spindly fingers. You swallow hard when you come across sets of rusty shackles and bindings affixed to the walls, nailed straight into the stone. A shiver runs down your spine; whether it’s from being cold or your increasing disquietude, you’re unsure.
It may have been prudent to wear a thicker robe.
You, Shadowheart, and Astarion don’t need to communicate much as you work your way through foot by foot. It takes little more than a glance or a curt nod for any of you to indicate you’ve found nothing and it’s time to proceed.
The nostalgia is equal parts wonderful and unnerving. You cannot deny that you enjoy having a clear goal — the danger and exhilaration of peril — but the small voice of reason affirms that this, too, is another way of running from yourself.
Barrelling headfirst into hazards gives you something to focus on instead of facing the fact that something within you is broken, perhaps beyond repair, and you don’t have to admit to yourself the thing you fear most — that you will never be able to trust Astarion again and any chance of a real relationship is fated to fail.
Can you go to bed every night terrified that when you wake, he will not be there? Can you spend the rest of your days wondering if today is the day he disappears?
Furthermore, is it fair to keep him with you if you’ll always doubt him?
Your inability to let your fears go and move forward affects him just as much as it affects you. Would he be better off finding someone else — someone who can be with him without reservations, someone who can love him completely and utterly without worry.
He deserves that, the kind of love you had for him before, and you’re not sure you will ever be able to get back to it.
“Kamena!” Astarion hollers with a too-high, almost panicked timbre that rips you from your contemplations.
You lunge into a sprint, Shadowheart following closely behind, both of you with spells already sparking on your fingertips, and Markoheshkir poised by your side. In your alarm, your mastery of your dragon Hellfire slips, and flames writhe over your body like a nest of molten serpents wrestling to escape.
Astarion is standing by a dilapidated desk, with moss growing over the surface and up the tottery legs. He holds a piece of wet parchment in his hands that he’s inspecting with a dismayed look.
He hands it to you when the flames around you wane. “Recognize these?”
The red ink has been smudged and streaks down the parchment like crimson tears, but you would know these markings anywhere. You’ve been trailing your fingers over similar ones every night.
Infernal script.
Thank you to all those who read/like/comment/follow/reblog/etc. I'm forever thankful for the support. I love reading your comments ❤️
Chapters Master List - Shadows of the Past
AO3: Crossposted
If you're interested, I also write fanfic for Ascended Astarion x Spawn Tav - Fangs and Fractured Hearts
Small Notes:
Shadowheart is the best ❤️
Infernal script - rarely a good sign.
Still wanna know your thoughts on Hecat!
#astarion x tav#astarion x reader#astarion x you#bg3 astarion#astarion x mc#astarion#astarion smut#astarion romance#astarion ancunin#baldurs gate astarion#shadows of the past#astarion bg3#astarion baldurs gate#astarion x oc#astarion x named tav
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Why I Love Travel Season’s Editing Style:
Okokok- I already made a post stating my love for Travel Season after my first initial watch-through of the first two episodes, but I have more to say. Last night, I could not stop rewatching these episodes. Possibly because I am just over the moon seeing Steven, Andrew, and Adam back in action in a show created 100% by them, and where they are allowed to make it their way- BUT there is another reason I could not stop watching it. All do in part of the editing style.
As a self-taught (and soon to be academically-taught) video editor, my favorite thing when watching digital media is seeing what techniques and styles creators use to convey an overall concept to their videos/shows. Some of the more detail-oriented editing I see in today's climate of internet content comes from Watcher's shows. For instance, Mystery Files with the corkboard graphics. Are You Scared of the hand-drawn art from illustrators Mollie Ong and Rafael Mejia. Dish Granted with the use of circle cutouts and white negative spaces. Weird Wonderful World with its cartoon sound effects and stylistic graphics/music to fit whatever atmosphere the boys are in. Puppet History with the motion graphics being put within the confines of the puppet theatre and just everything that goes into the post-production process of the lore events of that show. I could go on, but I might end up writing a whole novel in the process.
Plus, this is about Travel Season... so let's talk about Travel Season.
I was barely 5 minutes into the first episode when I realized just how different Travel Season stands out against anything Watcher has ever created. The overall vibes of the show are calm, peaceful, comforting, and relaxed. The whole show feels like I am watching an old family home video made in the 90s with a camcorder. This style of content that isn't constantly moving at a fast pace and in your face would not perform well in the YouTube algorithm, and I am glad that Watcher was able to launch their own platform to make shows like Travel Season because gosh, this is the kind of content I miss. Oversaturation and pleasing the algorithm can only go a long way as a creative, trust me.
Anywho- back to editing. I am going to point out just some of my favorite editing details that were showcased in the first two episodes of Travel Season. Starting off with probably my favorite scene from both episodes:
This small clip highlights many of my favorite details of the post-production of Travel Season. The first detail I brought up in my previous post involves The Brick aka the camera. The concept of The Brick ties in with what Meredith, Watcher's Development Coordinator, said in Pod Watcher episode #23 about physical hobbies. Something that we can create in a physical sense that does not belong to a digital realm ala the internet/social media. The idea of having a functional prop with The Brick can tie a whole show aesthetic together, but in this case, The Brick also aids in the post-production allowing the team to make smooth-flowing transitions. What I mean is sometimes, especially with a show like Travel Season where they cover many different locations/activities in one video, finding a perfect, easy-flowing transition can be difficult. Jump cuts can be useful in certain cases to hit a comedic mark or shock the viewer, but that is not the overall vibe of Travel Season. The pictures taken on The Brick from their work tripe an easily organized B-roll for harder transition points and simple things such as finding Seoul provide space for much-needed voiceovers for context.
Another editing point that is provided in this clip is the audio. Watcher has never missed the mark regarding audio choices and the addition of sound effects in their work. Sometimes people think that when editing, the editor finds a song that fits and slaps it on the timeline, but here showcases the idea of editing for the environment. What really stuck out to me is the jump cut to the location and using an effect like Lowpass on the audio to make the audience feel as though they are truly standing outside of this nightclub-esk restaurant. Then it jumps to the audio back to normal with Steven dancing as Andrew browses then back to Lowpass edit as they introduce this next location. It's just such a subtle touch that had me all giddy because small details as this audio editing elevate the scene to another level. Showing that Watcher was trying to make you feel like you are there with the boys on their travels. A true immersion effect that I just love.
Also to Adam and Annie who were both camera operators, your b-roll is absolutely superb and adds to the overall vibe of Travel Season.
The last point of editing I want to bring up as it's on the top of my head are these moments:
When they use a frame hold and then change the aspect ratio for a transition. I just find it such a charming technique in video editing. Plus I feel like this transition fits in with the whole "taking photos" approach because in a way the changing of the ratio on a frame hold is like taking a snapshot of that frame like a picture.
I just... I just love it, okay?
Honestly, I could go on and on about every little detail of this show and how they decided to overall produce it, but like I said- novel.
Watcher just puts so much love and care into all the shows they make. Even when it comes to the last process of video production which is editing the episodes together. I have not seen many channels put this much thought into the specificity of their videos like Watcher. This is why I gravitate towards them so much they care about the little things in the shows they create.
Moral of the story: I am in love with Travel Season and with Watcher as a whole.
thank you for listening to my ted talk aka my nerdy ramblings
#watcher#watcher entertainment#steven lim#andrew ilnyckyj#adam bianchi#travel season#travel season hype train#me rambling about editing#sorry not sorry
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So like I was actually having this discussion in the comments of one of my fics at stupid in the morning, but like having thought it through for the day I'm here to messily rant my thoughts on the complicated relationship between the upperclassmen, mainly Dan, and the monsters, mainly Andrew, and Wymack. How Dan is terribly self righteous and hypocritical and lets her emotions get in the way of her captaincy at times. How Andrew doesn't care for the discomfort and fear he causes others and even revels in it, even without provocation. And how Wymack, for better or for worse, is a hands off coach who can't/won't inflict meaningful punishments on his team, even enabling their worst qualities and habits, as part of his ideal of giving people more chances and how that can create a hostile team environment.
Aka, I'm about to throw slander in every direction, because these are flawed, messy characters and trying to make any of them perfectly innocent or always right does a disservice to the well sketched, messy, imperfect, flawed characters Nora created. Blame goes everywhere and no one is innocent. Trauma is a reason, not an excuse.
Buckle up, guys, this is about to get long and messy.
So, let's start with Wymack, who's a bit trickier to explain than Dan and Andrew, but is also the reason they've been brought togethers. Wymack, as we see him on page, is a massively hands off coach, especially when you compare him to Coach Rhemann. Now, it's very possible that this is actually because Nora either wasn't confident/good enough to write him coaching vs where she is now ten years later, or because she didn't want to focus there (although logically for exy junkie Neil's pov that would be weird, but whatever, that's not what we're talking about) but whatever the reason out of universe, it leaves us with Wymack as hands off as possible in universe. (Also, sidebar, some people in this fandom need to learn that out of universe reasons still need to have an in universe reason, "it needed to happen for the plot" is an out of universe reason, but I still need to know why the characters did it beyond "for the plot" or it's bad writing, stop using that for an answer about "why did character X do Y?")
Anyway, Wymack lets the team basically run amuck and sort themselves out, and even enables their worst habits. I think its canon that Abby gets a tip when "random" drug tests are happening, and they certainly don't do anything to enforce the no drugs policies the school and NCAA and probably ERC would have. Wymack brought a bunch of troubled kids together and seems to have no plan beyond letting themselves work it out and Betsy's here if there's trouble. This is why the Matt situation happens. You let a struggling to stay sober drug addict be around other not even trying drug addicts, of course Matt was going to get worse. This is actively bad for him. And in turn then actively bad for Aaron.
His relationship with Andrew is a bit more complicated. Now, I need you to forget everything you know about Andrew through Neil and his backstory for a moment, and just look at Andrew through Wymack's eyes as he first met him. Andrew has been to juvie, and is currently on parole for another violent crime that Wymack may or may not know the actual details about and on medication that Wymack may or may not know what they actually are and do. Andrew asks to come off of them. Wymack says yes. Now, even putting aside the legality of this, Wymack took the unilateral decision that Andrew knows best about his meds and can come off of them. Now, we can talk plenty about how Andrew's medication is portrayed in canon, but plenty of people don't like meds that are actually good for them and try/do stop taking them, often without telling a doctor they're doing so. There's also the fact that, again irrelevant of what we know as the story goes, Andrew regularly drinks, smokes and misses doses, things that can all make medication not work as it should. Wymack is not a doctor, for all he knows he could actively making Andrew worse by allowing this, but does anyway, for a good defence line.
(Also another side note, where does canon get off calling the Foxes a laughing stock? They're five years old. Seth was part of the first batch, right? So they're five years old and made the championships in their fourth year of existing as a team, fuck off are they dead last laughing stocks.)
And this is part of what I don't get about Wymack. He both wants to win above what's good for his team and doesn't at the same time. For example, he's so hands off and enables their bad habits, things that could kill them and actively harm them. He puts Andrew on the bench because he doesn't need a third goalie despite him being better and seemingly rolls with the hierarchy of age over skill, which implies team feel goods over victory but is so invested in staying Class I he semi-regularly lets (and yeah, it's lets not makes but still) Andrew harm himself playing full games on withdrawals (again, as far as he knows potentially stopping his meds working right). And while it could be argued his situation with Andrew is more not wanting to give up on Andrew, that is an the expense of his other players. Anyone who's ever been in a situation where one or two people are hostile/seemingly unpunishable knows how bad that makes everyone else feel.
Because, let's be real, Andrew is unpunishable and they all know it. Cardio is one thing, but he doesn't go through with marathons and nothing else will work. Andrew doesn't care for his own contract, and even if we actually believed Wymack would go through with any threat again Kevin, Nicky or Aaron's contracts (and we all know he wouldn't) Andrew would probably sabotage the game in protest or just outright quit. Andrew gets away with everything and everyone knows it and that can quickly see your team stop respecting/trusting you or feeling safe when you say they are. It's a very dangerous line.
And this is where we finally get to Dan. Because yes, Dan hates Andrew, and is unprofessional in her bias against him. But I think we often forget where this comes from. You often see people talk about Columbia, and Andrew drugging Neil, and should Neil have been angrier, how his trauma impacted him moving on so quickly and whether Andrew's reasons were valid or not because he thought Neil was a threat. And sometimes you see people talk about what he did "to" Matt. Which, yes, wasn't great, and yes, Matt took the drugs himself, but really it wasn't a great move from Andrew. But how often do you see people talk about what he did to Dan?
I mean, let's get some context here. Andrew and Dan barely knew each other. Dan is already getting shit from every angle for daring to be a woman playing and captaining an exy team (and if you hc her as a woman of colour, double this) in a period of time where colleges did (and still do) have a terrible reputation for covering up the horrific assaults committed by their best NCAA athletes. And Andrew, with no provocation, or reason, invites her out, to his home turf, with his family, to a bar he worked out, without anyone to support her and look after her, and drugged her. To find out if she was a women worth following. Not because she was a threat. Because he wanted to find out what type of person she was. He wanted her tragic backstory and he wanted it now (something people criticise Dan for demanding a lot, by the way). Andrew and his group show no remorse and face no real repercussions and then go on to enable Matt getting falling off the wagon and taking potentially lethal mix of drugs, because his mom said it was fine so it's ok and it all worked out, ends justify the means, and is allowed to just carry on with again, no meaningful punishment. Because no harm, no foul, right? (funny how you'll apply that to Andrew but hate when Thea said it, huh?)
Is it any wonder Dan doesn't like or trust Andrew?
And lets be clear, Andrew does nothing to discourage this. Andrew doesn't want to be understood, he doesn't want to share. Andrew is not here angsting because no one understands his attempts to making friends (except maybe, big maybe, Aaron not understanding his attempts at brothering). Andrew is fine if the team doesn't trust him. He encourages it, because trust means friends means feelings means weakness and that's ew. It's not hard to see how, from Dan's pov, Wymack can't/won't punish Andrew and is more interested in winning so won't kick him off the team.
At the same time, Dan is just as complicit in Andrew's breaking the law and hurting himself by missing meds as Wymack. Again, for all she knows, his meds help him, and skipping could actively harm the help they're giving him. Again, she's putting winning, because they have this amazing goalkeeper, above both Andrew and the team's health, and then complains when he lashes out. Some meds need a consistent balance to work, and maybe if he wasn't skipping every Friday to help you win he'd be more stable (we know this isn't the case, but they don't). There's barely any resistance put up to the idea that Andrew plays entire games, because she also wants to win more than she cares about Andrew's health, while at the same time not caring about winning more than her pride, like the rest of the team who are more interested in fighting than winning.
Now, of course, Andrew doesn't care. I think Nicky has it right early on when he says Andrew doesn't care about your boundaries, just his. Andrew is here mostly because he wants to keep Nicky and Aaron close and sees providing value for them (protection, scholarships, controlling protection ect) as the only way to really do it. Andrew sees life as exchanges. But, for all we act like Andrew lives on fair exchanges, he doesn't. As I said, he drugged Dan because he wanted to know about her, what did he give her in return? Nothing. He violated her autonomy and gave her nothing in return. Not even his own backstory. Arguably not even respect. (please, take a minute to imagine how pissed you would be if someone in fanfic wrote Andrew being drugged just to get him to spill his trauma without him even being a threat to anything, or look at how people react to Neil's Columbia scene).
The upperclassmen constantly ignore and violate Andrew's boundaries in very clear ways, and any normal team would have backed off ages ago (or called the cops the first time he pulled a knife) but because they're Foxes they keep pushing. (Also, for all fandom likes to make him a knife nut, look at how often he actually pulls a knife vs punches, it's either rape jokes, or him/someone under his protection being cornered, day to day he goes without). Now, of course, Andrew is a lot of the problem of keeping the team in two halves (again, something any decent coach shouldn't allow to get that extreme) as we see with how well the team works when Andrew is at Easthaven, but we don't know how much effort the upperclassmen actually make (excluding Renee of course).
The upperclassmen are often the first to lash out, and Andrew is often only retaliating, and then the monsters will be blamed. And yes, this is complete hypocrisy. But from the more general day to day treatment, not in the moment when a punch is thrown but attitudes in general, Andrew has proven himself a threat over and over, without provocation. If you can excuse Andrew drugging Neil because he's a potential threat, then why is Dan being hostile to Andrew because he's proven himself a threat different? Is it professional? Probably not, but what else can Dan do? She can't punish Andrew and Wymack seemingly can't/won't either. In Dan's mind, she is being hypervigilant and watching Andrew and taking his actions for the worst possible scenario, because Andrew has given her reason to. A simple drink to get to know each other turned into drugging her and Matt being in awful condition. Why should she give him the benefit of the doubt? Andrew wouldn't return the favour.
In many ways, Andrew and Dan are mirrors of each other. The leaders of their respective groups, both constantly trying to watch out for threats, but while Dan sees the threat she's already experienced with Andrew, Andrew considers her nothing. He's already got all her secrets and cast her aside, not caring for the damage he's done, because she and her friends are nothing to, and he doesn't feel a hint of remorse. He did what he had to, the ends justify the means, and Wymack's gone through too much to get him to risk losing him. He's on a team that doesn't care about his boundaries any more than he cares about theirs and is more than happy to play the monster if it gets the job done.
This came off a little harsh on Andrew, despite that I love him and Dan actually grates on me, but honestly the start of the series he is kind of awful and Dan I can see where she's coming from. Like, I think sometimes we also forget even Neil hates Andrew at the start of the series. Everything he did with Neil, he did with the others, it's just that Neil had the persistence, and the trauma related need to compartmentalise and move on quickly rather than hold a grudge, and a usefulness to Andrew (and yeah, let's not forget the breakthrough is Kathy's show and Andrew realising Neil is useful to him) to let him get in with Andrew so he can start to see the real him, while Andrew keeps the upperclassmen at arm's length.
And wow, congrats and thanks to anyone who read all the way through this monster ramble.
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It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.
#this unfortunately hits way too close to home for me#let’s not even get into Claudia’s anger at never being enough#iwtv spoilers#interview with the vampire#armand#this is just me speaking from personal experience…but there is definite manipulation at play here from Armand#and I don’t necessarily mean that pejoratively- when you’re desperate for people to like/love you you’ll become whatever they want#or whatever you think they’d want and you give it to them so they’ll want to keep you around#I’ve done it so often with the people in my life- and make no mistake it’s also a survival tactic#you give someone what they want they won’t hurt you#and when that’s how you survive for years and years it becomes the default method of interacting with others#even with normal people who genuinely mean you no harm you revert to that people pleasing mode#as a means of control both external and internal#this is what i see armand doing- his way of surviving that he’s never truly broken out of#armand ceding coven control to Louis and curating the Dubai penthouse for Louis are part of the same pattern of behavior#and even tho it’s ultimately harmful and will only end badly for armand and Louis’ relationship#idk if armand knows how to not exist that way with someone he loves/desires#all of this also ties into louis and daniel#because of course Armand will lose it over Louis finding connection and interest with someone else aside from him#someone HUMAN no less#and I can see Armand taking out his anger on Daniel as a way of expressing his own frustration at still not being enough for Louis#breaking daniel’s mind in a desperate attempt to understand why this human could reach Louis in ways he couldn’t#not saying any of this to excuse Armand and his behavior obviously (I’m very upset and worried over the trial looming on the horizon)#but I do understand this impulse and how you’ll throw ANYONE under the bus in order to preserve your place with loved ones#it’s all horrifying but unfortunately I empathize#like even if Louis is right to walk out on him when he learns/remembers the truth of what happened to Claudia#I’ll probably still find myself saddened by Armand’s fate because I’ve absolutely been there myself#it’s a tragedy of his own making- his fear and desperation birthing manipulative and controlling behaviors#that ultimately result in your own abandonment#god this fucking show
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tamashina-mina event (aka the sunset savanna jp event)
so anyway because i cant read jp (the translated vid is in parts so thats why im posting multiple links)
youtube
leona brushes it off but
youtube
so LISTEN. The chamberlain whatever his name is isn't happy with Leona for not putting his intelligence to help the country
but when he DOES provide an idea (aka actually mining the mineral resources) its shrugged off because they're all for being with nature
youtube
so what im understanding is leona is proposing to actually make use of what the land has to, yes, make a profit, but also it could help with all loads of things? like spreading water to be a little more easily obtainable once having the funds to idk throw away money for the good of the people (i mean. they're already rich aren't they? i don't really get it but also the world runs on money. i dont know if there are any benefits to it just sitting there, or if there are cons to digging them out or not but leona seems very passionate about it.)
but so its like this then
where if its not modernized then people will just. not live modernized. and i get that ig, wanting to live with nature (well not really but i mean its all down to preference isnt it? which im not an outdoor person so uh)
maybe it'll make more sense in the EN version (whenever it comes). or maybe i need someone to dumb it down to me like im 5.
but anyway you see my point right?? Leona provides an idea (is very invested in it) that goes to the good of the kingdom (making more profit but its also like they dont have to mine ALL of it he at least just wants them to make use of it at least instead of not even touching it)
and then it gets shot down because. basically. tradition. ???
anyway heres my idea: if someone like Ruggie Bucchi can exist (i mean as in someone born in a poor environment) in the Sunset Savanna, then clearly there can still be something done to keep people healthy and in comfortable situations without compromising idk the beauty of also being able to live with nature at the same time? to help make it a bit more convenient in the process at least? (like there could be a system that brings them water, but it could still be in a well so they can still do that process by hand, there will just be more water so they dont have to worry about idk running out? i dont know how wells work but i imagine they can run out eventually)
and if anyones like 'oh but we wont make a profit' then propose ANOTHER way we can make big income. aka MINING the MINERAL resources so it could be like nothing even changed or that we might be even making more than we usually are (but also probably supervised so they cant take advantage and just i mean get rid of the entirety of it? cause. its.. important right? so some but not all.)
maybe i just dont understand this, maybe im biased towards leona who knows, but i kind of also feel like its dumb to just brush it off. and i mean who knows maybe hes proposed it many times before, maybe hes shown them so many ideas and proofs and proposals related but they mightve been flawed in some way i dont know and thats why they refuse. who knows. it just rubs me the wrong way
its also kind of related to people brushing off leona just as being lazy and stuff like that (also did you know he only failed ONE year? he joined NRC a year late) but leona isnt really doing anything to try to change peoples perceptions of him because 'thats what they think of me, why should i bother?' like people hating on him for being [something something] compared to falena so then just. takes that in and is like 'okay so people think of me this way. if thats how they view me, then whatever.' hes still very competitive and all that stuff but theres also apathy in 'people will think whatever they want of me, why should i even try to change it?' (and hes probably heard all kinds of things at a young age that really stuck with him and shaped who he was. which goes from being really hurt by it to not even caring about peoples opinions anymore. dont get me wrong it can still affect him because the part of him that got hurt by it the first time is still there but yknow)
but so then the chamberlain is like 'why dont you use your smarts for the country'
and leonas just like
THEN SAY SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NOT SAY SUCH THINGS??? (you knew him as a kid surely you could do something) like. theres. just. such an utter lack of trying to convince him otherwise. and i guess to him it would sound so fake so he might not be convinced at all. but then if you stop trying at all then he'll think that he was right in what he thought people thought of him and wont try to correct anyone. or in fact will correct anyone if they think positively of him.
i mean theres also not wanting to say it in front of other people. but. listen. if youre afraid of what the people think then it will affect the other negatively.
like for example if you try not to do lovey-dovey stuff in public then your lover will naturally feel like youre just trying to hide them away. or that you might feel ashamed.
so if the chamberlain tries to convince him when they're in private but in public he doesnt. then you can see what kind of conclusion leona would come to, right?
its kind of a tough situation because i honestly dont know what youd do in that situation. its just. i feel like they could communicate better. that there could be things to be done and it just frustrates me.
yes he does go on to say that leona is strong
and that he believes in him basically but
it just. doesnt feel like enough. and it could definitely be on leona for also not being willing to listen so hh. and i also get the chamberlain has a lot of responsibility so he cant just be there all the time and everything hfeuishfdi
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The Outsiders as Superpowers
Disclaimer: My superhero knowledge is limited to Marvel (especially X-Men which could fit since the Outsiders is in the 1960s like OG X-Men but that can be an AU for another time), some DC, Sky High, and the Incredibles
Ponyboy Curtis: said this in an earlier post. Reality manipulation with mind manipulation. Usually harmless with his powers, just tend to show people usually Johnny the reality of whatever book he’s reading or turn dinner into dessert much to Soda’s delight and Darry’s annoyance. Could be pushed into a Wandavision at best and a House of M situation at worst when upset however.
Johnny Cade: Okay two options. I can see invisibility and having the ability to create force fields similar to Violet. Or…I could see him being a shapeshifter to different animals. Like Johnny seemed to be very adaptable to every environment. Will sneak into drive ins with Ponyboy and Dally as a cat or dog. Will turn into a snake to attack. Enjoys Pony’s powers when he wants an escape.
Steve Randle: Technopathy. Like he could control mechanics and like any type of technology. I mean the dude is a mechanic genius. And how did he steal those hubcaps so fast hmm??
Darry Curtis: I mean obviously super strength could be a choice but also I can see him having a power of being completely immune to other powers around him. Like this frustrates Ponyboy who would at times try to read his mind and sees through his reality warping and bending . However, he’s the only one to bring Ponyboy back to reality during emergencies.
Sodapop Curtis: Emotional manipulation. Like not in an evil way at all of course but in a way that would make people feel better. Also I can see some mind reading and could be a bit annoyed that he can’t read Darry’s mind and how Ponyboy could sense when he’s reading his mind and blocks him out when needed. Like I feel the Curtis brothers, since they are siblings kind of how like siblings can look alike, I feel their powers could be very similar as well.
Two-Bit Mathews: He was a tricky one but teleportation. Like that would be so useful as someone with his uh, five finger discount tendencies. Uses it to prank the other greasers at times.
Dallas Winston: another hard one but I don’t know why but I can see him having ice powers. Like it would match his “cold” demeanor and icy blue eyes (someone help me find a better power please)
#the outsiders#ponyboy curtis#sodapop curtis#darry curtis#johnny cade#steve randle#dallas winston#two bit mathews
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Heya! This may be a bit of a long ramble, so take as much time as you need for this! (Or just don't read it, I think I just need this off my chest)
I absolutely love TTSBC, and I've heard about OC's in the world, and I kinda went wild with my personal Minecraft OC.
However, before we get into them, I do not believe that Allay hybrids have ever been mentioned in TTSBC? I, a self-proclaimed allay lover, kinda thought of some ideas?
I guess I'm mainly sending this to you for inspiration(?), or to see if it all checks out in the world. That, or I just like rambling, I don't know.
But allays! In Minecraft, they're small, carry around your things, reproduce using amethyst (hehe) and music, and they're all around very cute! They're often found trapped by pillagers, stuck in cages most likely. They flit about like little fairies (oh my goodness)
Soooo, how would Allays fit into TTSBC? Well, I think that, as a species, they'd remain in the under city. With their blue skin, pure white eyes, and wings that don't fold into one's back properly (more in the next section) it'd be hard to glamour over. Also, I kind of headcanon allay hybrids with tails, long with a frayed/hooked end, which would also be somewhat hard to hide.
Their wings sort of stick out of their backs. They don't have actual muscles in the wings like avians, they are mainly controlled using one muscle connecting it to the back. They flit from exuding straight from the back, to the side, laying more flat against the back instead of each other, but they don't fold into themselves, if that makes sense.
Still, allay hybrids don't necessarily have the best time, especially in lower levels! See, while Allays in Minecraft don't give off light, they are still super luminous! You'll see them a mile away! They're also sky blue, the closest thing to the sky down there, which is an incredibly dangerous combo (not as dangerous as golden glowing things, but that's besides the point.) I don't know where else to put this, but they're also smaller than average, maybe 4'10", 5' at the highest?
They also heal very quickly, (2 hearts a second!) so that could also play a role in how they're used. With their relative strength (they can pick up whatever you give them), it could be that, especially in lower levels, they'd often be forced to work in hard conditions with very little consequence on the people employing them. They are passive mobs, so I think of them as glass cannons, somewhat. Strong, but easy to overwhelm. I also like to think their blood has healing properties (more about that later...), so that could be something interesting...
In higher levels, if they're more respected, they'd probably work with health facilities. I think they'd mainly flit about rooms, working as caretakers. Though, I think that any kind of job that requires moving a lot of stuff easily or anywhere they'd flit about is probably a good place for them to work. Restocking shelves, providing organization, etc.
However, because Allays reproduce/replicate (asexual reproduction?) using amethyst shards, I like to think that they naturally reside in rocky amethyst geodes in Minecraft, but were taken by pillagers. Similarly, Allays prefer darker, rockier, moister environments. For some, maybe a few glowberries would be best for them. Maybe the redstone lights of the higher levels is not the best for the allays, preferring the dark. Due to their luminosity, they may even be able to see in the dark, which the lights may overstimulate. Also, because of the amethyst shards, I think their makeup is more similar to a crystal than anything like regular flesh.
Rather, I think injuries tend to "chip" away, or, should the flesh be squishy, be tougher and more similar to the glowy, liquid filled balls that you could probably find in the dollar section of a Target, or similar to nanotape. Because crystals need to be heated and then cooled to be solid, they likely run very warm. However, should they need to, they can focus a little bit of glamour into their environment to cool themselves or warm themselves up if need be. If they bleed, often times, the blood with crystalize once being oxygenated, the outside world being cooler than their body, and would likely heal the wound bleeding easily. Should anyone need any healing from Allay blood, they would either need fresh Allay blood, or blood that has been warmed to prevent it from crystalizing immediately. A bit of a play on "healing crystals". Do you think that Scar'd purchase one if he ever went under?
I think if they got their arm chopped off, the wound would immediately close. Using limited glamour and a LOT of time, perhaps they could cool their environment slightly enough to move blood more outward from their wound to slowly build their arm back.
Let's talk about mating rituals now! I think gift giving is a big one, especially since they love collecting stuff. Gems or cool rocks would probably be the main one. Spending quality time with their mate with some music also probably sounds nice, too. Because of their crystaline biology, I like to think that their vocalizations sound like windchimes.
I don't know if these work completely, considered how fast I came up with this, so do let me know how you'd change things up if you want.
This is a long one, but I hoped you enjoyed? If you did bring up Allays, then WHOOPS, this is a whole lotta nothing, so please ignore if you'd like.
Still, drink water, eat and sleep well, and remember to take breaks!
I LOVE THE RAMBLES
GIVE THEM TO ME
Ok first of all they sound so pretty? Like SO pretty? I love the idea of them using gemstones in their courting rituals because that is such a lovely concept? Just so beautiful to imagine? And that they're all little fairy-like people, such cuties! And you totally built in the darkness of the under-city considering how folks like that would be used for their specific abilities, especially their fragility combined with their strength being above average. And the glamor heat regulation! That's such a nice detail! I wonder if they would be able to share that sort of regulation with others? And if thats their glamor ability or maybe they're like voidwalkers wherein they use glamor for survival necessity but have a glamor ability on top of that?
I love long thoughts like this! Please send them my way, it always makes me so very happy to see people getting creative and feeling inspired by my AU! Thank you for sharing! 💖💖💖
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It's always fascinating to see the day-to-day effect of a woman in touch with her divine feminine. Whenever I wear my pink dresses in my "barbie retro housewife" aesthetic with heels and my Dior perfumes I get such a strong reaction that I do wonder why.
"Women aren't so feminine nowadays," is the popular response. So when people do see a very feminine woman, it's first of all surprising because it's a rarity, and second of all it's always stunning to see a woman shining bright in her sacred feminine energy. She just has a certain glow that everyone flocks to, like a moth the the flame.
And this reminded me of a discussion I had with a friend some weeks ago - she mentioned how girls/women in 2024 dress in such a masculine way, with baggy pants and baggy shirts and sports shoes. And indeed, both in my city, my country and abroad while traveling, I found this to be true.
She saw it as a "them" issue. I think it's easy to say that girls these days have lost touch with their femininity, and essentially shift all the fault on them. But nothing is that black and white. I empathize with these girls because I was there too, before I stepped out of my shell and felt more comfortable and safe being feminine.
Yes, it's social media and fashion and whatever celebrities and influencers are turning into a trend at each given time. But it's also the undeniable fact that, most likely, these girls grew up in school, highschool, college etc. facing situations and environments (or maybe even their childhood upbringing/home setting) that made them feel unsafe, their every choice and habit and outfit was criticized, maybe they even got harassed or bullied.
Maybe they did dress in cute outfits and skirts at some point, and then got criticized for showing too much skin or dressing indecently, even though it was a perfectly normal outfit. And then getting criticized for dressing like men, but at least they feel safe(r) because either way people will judge them.
I think it's important to accord more grace and understanding, and instead of being judgemental, actually hold space for other girls and if possible, offering guidance in reconnecting with their femininity. It can be such a gift when you tap into your intuition, your healing energy, your empathy and nurturing energy. But not everybody knows how to get there, or has the resources for it, or even wants to. And that's okay too - everyone has their own choice.
#lumen's essays#essays#writings#body positivity#body dysmorphia#femininity#divine feminine#social media#fashion
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I think Jason would be more critical about starting a family than Dick.
For Dick, who had experienced what a stable, loving family actually feel like, he sees that having and starting a family will be an eventuality in his life. While he may not give it much thought now, due to his unstable relationships status or him being busy with his crime fighting business, he will accept it and embrace it simply when its time comes.
Jason on the other hand, he want a family more than anything in his life and he'd would be so paralysed with the fear of getting one at the same time.
Jason understands what a real toxic family environment with simple textbook abuse looks like. He also understand the unique subdued flavour of abuse done by Bruce feels like, something Dick is very aware of yet he tends to downplay when it touches his own person.
His want for it would be his absolute need for garnering a sense of belonging. Jason's childhood with Willis and Catherine was not good. He got to taste what it really meant to be loved and to belong with Bruce. Then Jason made one mistake, and lost everything with Bruce. Circumstances that took him away from his adoptive family, and when he came back for it this family has changed in his absence, this family cannot accept Jason as what he had turned into and so he lost that contact and belonging.
And it hurt him so much. He tried to replicate that feeling with his team ups with the outlaw members, yet he always ended up fucking it somehow and losing contact with them or they just have moved away from him, their time coming to an end, amiably even. He always ends up left behind and alone.
Jason have tasted what a loving family feels like, he understands that such love can be lost for whatever circumstances that may take it away be. He also knows that such love can progress into something so hateful and stifling that it may cut him and leave him to bleed, slowly until there is nothing left of him.
He's also afraid of continuing in line like his abusers did. Be a simple abusive father like Willis, or be a father that withholds his love and only give it when his family is going to follow every rule he lays. And one scares him because he have the genes for it, while the other does because he has the susceptibility for it. Worse of he may become a mixture of both.
How can Dick calm all of his worries. How can Dick convince Jason of his goodness and the pure love he carries in his heart. How can Dick make him see, all the gentleness he has in him. That their family can have permanence. That Dick will be there for him, to literally knock sense into him if push came to shove...
#i'm not saying that Dick has not experienced with complex family dynamics and how bad it can gets (he had his Titans after all)#but Jason's experience with textbook childood abuse and his life on the streets and how it transformed to the abuse he gets from Bruce after#coming back#makes him more obsessive and paranoid of starting his own and personal family#where must be a parental figure that hold power over his family#Jason understands the difference between running a criminal organisation vs a vigilante team#he however is not knowledgeable enough to run a family#basically Jason is just more afraid of starting a fam because of his abuse#jaydick#also fuck any typos or misspellings idk anymore
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so for this summer i am (per usual!) doing fieldwork, and since we’re trying to cover wide climate gradients across our species range, we’re covering a lot of ground!! im hoping to do little writeups as we go along. this week was our first week out, we headed to south CA to a NEW ENVIRONMENT for me -- a few nights in the san bernardino mountains, a few nights in the joshua tree national park. so many cacti and lizards and snakes and new birds! also Incidents. there's always The Incidents.
i'm trying to do a little sketch a day during our lunch break of whatever plant happens to be in sight. there was a lot of globe mallow up at our san bernardino sites (SPAM2 being the usfs plant code), the shrub and cactus were just fun Shapes.
also, here's the thing i'm actually studying (i'm probably going to take another stab at trying to illustrate the branch morphology at some point but it was a good start.) im not kidding ive been seeing cone scars and branches flash behind my eyes as im falling asleep.
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Left: Emily DiDonato, Shatabhisha Sun, Ardra Moon
Right: Cillian Murphy, Ashwini Moon
i find the difference between Rahu vs Ketu eyes sooo interesting, like damn astrology manifesting physically is just so !!!
Rahu is the head of the demon, it represents Maya, illusion, deception and its highly immersed in the material realm. Their eyes have this almost electric current to them and they almost always look kind of startled? They're absorbing as much as they can from the stimulation in their environment and it really showsss
Compare that to Cillian's Ketuvian eyes, he looks detached, his eyes seem dazed and have that faraway look. He's not as immersed or as attached to the material realm (his entire press tour for Oppenheimer was a testament to his Ketuvian personality lmao). His eyes seem kinda tranquil (I'll say this is more so his Rohini Sun coming through) and super relaxed.
before you say its because they have light eyes or whatever, here's some more examples:
Left: Deepika Padukone, Swati Moon
Right: Laura Harrier, Ashwini Moon
Deepika's eyes look very alert and seems to be taking in her surroundings
Laura's eyes are more relaxed or serene looking, she's more inwardly drawn
This is the difference between Rahu & Ketu, one tries to immerse itself in the material realm in search of the self whereas Ketu does not try, and feels unable to be drawn that way. They're both in darkness but their search for light takes them in opposite directions.
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sometimes the most random things make me miss being on a team soooo bad
#i literally said after my last xcmeet in hs that i was never doing a sport again#then where did they catch me on my first day of college?#moving in early. to run xc.#i even miss fris but i miss varsity sports more. Ig cuz i ran so long#now its like adulthood... maybe someday when i get a real job I'll like have a longer term team again#i still need to ask my next workplace about what my days off/hours might be to see if i can sign up for a frisbee league...#it's just like. Running will never be a part of my life like that again. sports won't be#Doesn't matter that I'm a better runner now than I was when I was 19#now it's just me. no team. occasional meetups. It's me and my plan and whatever I want.#and i like my running more now but i still MISS IT.#i literally ran xc for 11 yrs-ish. i had one friend on any team during that time. but still#when i played soccer i played with my best friend but we had been friends since meeting on a Rec team at age 9.#i never had other team friends#it's just. The environment of it or whatever.#(it's not like sad like i was someone with an intentional division bw my sports teams and the rest of my life)#Club fris was different there but again mostly my friends there were friends I had from outside the team#ANYWYA#Tetrapod runs#Sort of
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