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short-honey-badger · 7 months

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Phantom Pain part 2

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Part 2 of my mini fic. I hope you enjoy this one as well!

You jerk away from his hand with a sneer, cheeks flushing at the unexpected kiss, "Please get off of me," you demand, tone not leaving any room for joking. Just because the two of you apparently belonged together didn't mean he could get all touchy-feely with you immediately.

You are pleased when he actually lets you go and plops back into his own seat. You turn and examine him with a frown, flickering your eyes up and down his rather impressive form. Your soulmate was handsome in a rugged sort of way with dark eyes and a carefree smile that could put anyone at ease. Anyone but you, at least.

"Shanks," you say his name and the man perks up like a puppy. You furrow your brow at him, trying to recall why his name sounds so damn familiar, and you jerk back even further when it finally clicks, "Red-Haired Shanks? The Yonko?" You demand, and your voice goes a little shrill at the end. Your heart wants to beat out of your chest, and your eyes are wide as dinner plates. It would be your luck that someone so terrifyingly strong would be your soulmate. This must be to make up for your own cowardly and wiley ways. You were a firm believer in not your monkey, not your circus.

This man made other people's business, his business, and that wasn't something you wanted to deal with. Not like you had much of a choice if he was believed, but you would not hide away how you felt. You've never held back before. Why stop now?

Shanks just laughs when he feels your annoyance and frustration stream down the bond the two of you share, "Yep," he pops the p and leans in close to you, and you lean away in response, "The one and only," he gives you a smug little grin and you suddenly want to wipe it off his face with a well-placed punch, "You still haven't told me your name yet, Hon."

You reach for your mug to give yourself a little bit of time to think about how you want to respond. Running was out of the question. His entire crew was in the building with him, and you didn't think you could get very far anyway. And even if you did manage to get away, Shanks knew what you looked like and could easily track you down with the connections he surely had.

You let out an explosive sigh and mourn the freedom you once had, and then quietly tell your soul mate your name.

"_," Shanks says your name softly, tasting the syllables on his tongue, and you shiver at the way he says it. How can he say your name with so much emotion attached to it? How can he care so much about you already? It's enough to almost frighten you.

Shanks stares at you, brushing away your rising confusion that he feels. You were nothing like he had expected out of a soul mate, surly and snappy with a bad attitude. But you were his, and he would show you how much you meant to him even if you didn't want anything to do with him. You were made for him, just like he was made for you.

"I like it, your name I mean," the redhead says, and satisfaction curls hot in his chest when he feels your embarrassment. Who knew that you were so shy? He wonders if it is your biology or you responding to him.

"Thanks, I guess," you murmur and give him a strange look. What an odd statement to make, but your soul mate seemed like an odd man anyway, so what was new?

Shanks grins and reaches out to drag you closer by your stool, causing you to flail for a hot second as you lose your balance. The Yonko saves you from the close fall by wrapping his arm around your waist, "Oopse," he says with that smug grin, and again, you want to wipe it off his pretty face with your fist. You can feel his joy and playfulness over the bond you share with him.

"Insufferable," you grumble lowly. You shift in your seat just to feel how tightly he holds you, and the longer you stay, the more you feel that freedom slips further and further away. You have run from this your entire life, and in one fell swoop, your fate had been sealed by walking into the wrong tavern.

"Can't help myself, Baby," Shanks says, and you can feel his joy and giddiness at you accepting your place at his side. Maybe not fully, but he could tell that you didn't plan on running anymore. His arm tightens around your waist, and Shanks leans in to drop a kiss on the top of your head, "I wanna know everything about you."

You huff through your nose, eyes rolling to the heavens, and when they come back down, they settle on Shanks, who looks eager just to be near you. You suppose his open affection would be something you'd need to get used to.

"Finnnee," you draw out and then tip up the remainder of your drink, "But you are buying the rest of the night," like hell would you spend what little money you had if your soul mate was here. You would happily let him pick that up for you.

"I think I can handle that. Pick your poison, Baby," he says easily, and hours later, you find out that the redhead was serious about wanting to know everything about you. Shanks had asked you every question under the sun, to the point that you had snapped at him to be silent for two seconds just so you could take a breather and think. This man was overwhelming in every way possible, and it made you wonder why fate decided the two of you belonged together. However, for all your dislike and disgust for soul mates, you couldn't deny that yours wasn't a bad one.

"Alright, that's enough. You're a sponge, aren't ya, Sweetheart?" Shanks says, and you blink up at him, vision a little swimmy. Huh, guess you had drank more than what you thought.

Shanks stands and steadies his soul mate when you seem to sway to the side. He gently pulls you off the stool and laces his hand with one of your own, "I think it's time we got back to the ship," he says and makes sure to keep his voice clear. The Yonko didn't want you to think that he had kidnapped you or something. He watches your vision sharpen as you process what he said.

You swallow harshly, hand clenching around his own and your free hand tangling in his dark cloak. Fuck. You weren't ready. How were you supposed to be there for someone else when you could hardly be there for yourself? This man was so strong and you were so weak in comparison it was pathetic.

Before you could spiral further, Shanks grabbed your attention by tugging you into his chest and kissing the top of your head just as softly as he did earlier. He could feel your fear and anxiety flowing between the two of you, and it made his heart ache that you were so fearful of something so good.

"Don't worry. We'll take this one step at a time,_ " he says your name again, and you feel yourself relax just a bit. He says it like it's the most important thing in the world, and maybe it is to him. He grins at you when you calm down and pulls away, but keeps his hand tangled with your own, "Now let's go. I wanna show you my ship. We've got a lot to catch up on."

Shanks pulls you out of the tavern and down to the harbor, and you have no choice but to follow behind him, completely forgetting your now dry coat left hanging by the door.

#fanfic #one piece #reader insert #red haired shanks #shanks #shanks x reader #shanks x y/n #shanks x you #angst #possessive shanks #soulmate au #opla shanks #phantom pain

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whentheresmoonlight · 8 months

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I love a bkdk who have to work at being physically affectionate. It's cultural, it's gendered, it's history between the two characters.

I don't think it would be natural for a long time. Hand holds, hugs, casual kisses, really anything would take practice to be incorporated into a natural, comfortable, everyday routine.

I'm not expert on Japanese culture, but I do think a fairly commonplace expectation would be that two men wouldn't be especially touchy-feely with each other. It's a culture known for a low degree of "skinship". So I think that these boys wouldn't have much history of physical contact outside of their many bouts of fighting and sparring. Or emergency situations.

Some people can breach that touch barrier right away, but I think there are factors that would make it more difficult for bkdk, depending on interpretations of their characters and the world building. For example, internalized homophobia could be a factor, but many people prefer not to introduce homophobia into bnha's worldbuilding, (which is a super valid choice).

This always comes out in my fics somewhat as projecting, but I think both boys have some issues with intimacy. Izuku doesn't like to inconvenience people with his real feelings while Katsuki has a seemingly disconnected relationship with his parents, a history of followers rather than friends, and maybe even a history of his personhood being overlooked in favor of his quirk. Even as kids, bkdk arguably connected over a mutual love of All Might, not over a deeper personal bond. All of these things equal personal distance with almost everyone in their lives until UA.

Issues with intimacy can manifest physically as well as emotionally, and I think they would in both ways for bkdk, because I think they have their whole lives. And that would lead to a slow road to certainty with physical touch as a love language between them, especially since both of them are bound to feel continued uncertainty about what the other's expectations are, given their shaky background.

It's personal for me, but this is a realism I love to see between bkdk, instead of them immediately being touchy-feely, lovey-dovey, which is plenty of fun, but simplified for my personal tastes.

#headcanon #finally this is a headcanon that i think i explored okay in my most recent fic #even if you know you wanna be with someone #it doesn't mean you know how to begin to change boundaries #especially when boundaries have had issues in the past #bkdk

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gingerbreadmonsters · 1 year

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oops-a-daisy

or: prisoners at the bar, have you anything to say in your defence?

gn!reader, a bit suggestive but no nsft, classic ginger-style fluff with a double scoop of good old-fashioned villainy. you are charged with the following indictments! all my love to the gang over on discord - for you, my darlings, it is always vega hours 💕💕💕 a particular thank you to @daveyistheloml and @zozo-01 for proofreading - i could ask for none better to attempt to persuade me to make a late-game pivot to total degeneracy. the doctor will see you now! vega singing the most wonderful lullaby in just over 3900 words.

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Oh, this is bad.

No, seriously - it’s bad. It’s really, really bad. This isn’t a stumble, or a Freudian slip, or a lapse of judgement. It’s not a calculator error, it’s not an oversight, not a misstep or faux pas or slipup. You couldn’t even call it a little white lie.

“Mmm, darling…”

The calculator error underneath you laughs quietly in your mind, one clawed hand stroking softly over your back, and your mouth tastes a lot like soap.

“You do make such a wonderful companion, you know.”

It’s been a few days since you came to your agreement with Vega, but you haven’t left the… safehouse? Is safehouse the right word? Whatever this place is, you’re still here. He’d said it was because he still had a few things to sort out before you left, but it looks like he’s finished with his arrangements now. He didn’t tell you what he was doing. To be honest, you’re not sure you wanted him to.

He’d come back a few hours ago, the telltale tearing sound of a rift in the other room. A knock at the door. May I come in? As always, you’d said yes.

(It should end as it began, shouldn’t it? You and him, alone in this unremarkable room, him with all the answers and you on the back foot.)

Tomorrow, you leave. Where? You don’t know, but you’re going regardless.

“Perfectly subservient, perfectly willing…”

Bastard. He takes your half-hearted slap to his chest with irritating grace, and you can feel his amusement rippling against your senses as he takes your hand in his, lifting it to his lips and pressing an almost-kiss to the backs of your fingers.

“Alright, alright, I know. You’re much more capable than that, my dear.” Vega’s tone is familiar, that habitual undercurrent of what might be laughter, bordering on patronising but never quite tipping over. “Indulge me, won’t you? Perhaps I just like to look after you.”

He rests his cheek against the crown of your head, and the gentle weight is as comforting as ever. “I’d like to think I’m very good at it, by now.”

“Hm. I’ve had better.” It’s a lie, but he doesn’t have to know that. “Bedside manner could use some work, maybe.”

You’ve never really been the touchy-feely type, with demons or humans alike. It’s awkward, you know? There’s your coworkers, yeah, but you’re not sure they really count as friends, even though they’re probably the closest things you have. As for demons? It’s a bit embarrassing, but your job means that you don’t really go back to Aria that often, and there aren’t that many demons working at DUMP. A polite smile in the hallway, maybe a few pleasantries exchanged by the vending machine in the cafeteria.

It’s not very easy to talk to people, be they human or demon. You’ve never found it easy. And maybe all these years alone on Elegy haven’t helped, but it’s a little late for that now. Alone with your maybe-prisoner, sitting sideways in Vega’s lap, you’re not really sure where it leaves you.

“Really, now…” he muses, tail slowly curling around your ankle, pressing lightly against the skin as he idly wraps and unwraps it around your calf. “If you want me to practise being in your bed, darling, you only have to ask.”

Your face burns where it’s hidden against his collarbone, tucking yourself firmly against his chest and into the cradle of his arms. His hand has stopped, and you were rather enjoying it before. You huff quietly, swishing your tail in a silent command to keep going, and resign to keep your cool. You won’t dignify that with a response.

Vega snickers under his breath as he obeys, claws trailing up and down your back in languid, looping patterns. “No need to be embarrassed, dearest. We’re not exactly strangers, after all.”

“It’s-” Thank goodness the crack in your voice isn’t as obvious when you speak telepathically. The perks of not needing physical vocal cords. “It’s just a bit warm.”

“Is that it? You do look a little flustered. Perhaps you’d rather-” He cuts off as you move, satisfied smugness melting into confusion when you suddenly start to readjust yourself. “Hm? Oh - here, darling, let me-”

The mattress springs creak underneath the two of you as you move, but you’re so used to it by now that you barely even notice. His tail unwinds from where it’s keeping your leg in place, letting you climb further into his lap to slide your arms around his neck before returning to its previous position.

“Better?”

You nod, sighing contentedly against the side of his neck as you settle your chin on his shoulder. He’s so warm. It’s nice, to stay with him like this. Although, if you’re honest, you’re a little surprised he even lets you.

He must feel it, flickering in the back of your mind, or maybe he just knows you too well by now. Either way, he guesses correctly.

“Mm. Don’t be so surprised, my little warden. As… harsh as I admit my tastes can be, even I can admit there’s some merit in a slightly softer approach.”

Movement just out of the corner of your eye, his tail uncoiling from around your calf once more, slim and sinuous. Curling around and around, unhurried as ever, until the spade at the tip presses flat against yours for just a moment. Your eyes go wide at the unexpected feeling (when did they close?), going rigid in his arms for just a second before slouching against his chest as your muscles involuntarily fall slack.

“Don’t you agree?

Slow and deliberate, he slides his tail back down the length of yours - the swish of displaced air as it arches up behind you, before curving innocently around your back, just underneath his arm.

(Don’t think about it. It was only a moment. It could have been an accident.)

(It wasn’t, but it could have been.)

“Why waste my time simmering in discomfort, beholden to some vague notion of pride, when I could be enjoying myself elsewhere?”

It’s stupid, but you can’t help the tiny flutter in your chest at the thought that he enjoys this time he has with you. He likes you being here. He wants you to be here. That’s not something many people tend to think, when it comes to you.

“How unusual. Your heart sounds a little fast, darling. I can’t imagine why.”

“Does it surprise you?”

“Not at all. It’s only natural.”

He knows exactly what he’s doing, the bastard. Vega smiles when you look up at him, sceptical, and it’s that same smile he gets when he’s got you right where he wants you.

“Is it?”

It’s a game, and you both know it. His rules, your pieces. He’s lucky that you like to play.

His grin sharpens, wicked and inhumanly perfect. “Well, no. But you understood what I meant, and replied in kind, didn’t you?”

“I know a leading question when I hear one.”

“Then let me lead you on a little longer.” Dice clatter inside your skull as he speaks there, rattling through your brain and rolling off your tongue. “Why do you bother?”

“Bother with what?”

He takes a deep, deliberate breath - chest rising and falling under your head just once, before returning to his usual stillness. It startles you more than you thought it would.

“No wonder your recovery took so long, my dear. All those extra… accessories.”

“It’s the form I like to take.” Haughtily, you flick your tail away from where it’s draped over his legs, that static-electric feeling of cloaking magic racing up your spine as you hide it away.

“It’s a form that takes a lot of work, for very little gain. You don’t need it. Why have it?” Long fingers trace down your back, trailing back and forth as if he’s feeling every rib that hides under your skin. Perhaps he is. “Your physical form is beautiful as it is, darling. No need to weigh yourself down like that.”

“It’s no trouble to me.” It was different at first - getting used to the whole human way of being. Learning how often to blink, how deeply to breathe, how much to fidget. It unnerves them if you get it wrong. “It feels good. I’ve grown to like it.”

It’s another lie. Well. Not a lie. Half of one, at most. You’re accustomed to it, certainly. It’s second nature by now, and you’d like to think that you’re actually very good at it. Carrying all those extra pieces, bones and tissues and juices that you know by feel but not by name, sloshing around inside. It’s all part of being on Elegy, isn’t it? How else were you going to learn what gravity felt like?

“Have you, now,” he muses, tilting his head away from you in thought. “I’ve never especially cared for the physical, but if you put so much stock in it… perhaps I ought to give it some thought.”

It’s a nice try, but he can’t get you that easily. “Perhaps. I doubt you will.”

“And what makes you say that?” You don’t have to look to see the way his eyebrow lifts in amusement, the way his lips twist into an almost-smile. Your mind’s eye is enough. “I’m wounded, darling. Have a little more faith in me, won’t you?”

“I never took you as the type who inspires faith.”

“Then you’re correct. I’m not.” Your claws drag lightly over his skin, running idly back and forth across the nape of his neck. “But I wonder…”

A wicked laugh, low and dark, echoing through your mind like dice falling on soft felt.

“Sate my curiosity, then. What sort of feelings do I inspire in you, my little warden?”

Your disbelief drips through his aura, thick and heavy with sarcasm. “Like you don’t already know.”

“Maybe I just want you to tell me.”

“Then maybe I’m more inclined to sadism than you thought.”

He nods approvingly, and you can taste his contentment with your answer. Whatever test he had for you, it seems you’ve passed. “I’m pleasantly surprised, my dear. How fascinating.”

His hands stroking across your back, his tail curled around yours, and the sudden rush of heat that accompanies both of those things. Don't think about it now. He's just flattering you.

“I’m not sure you mean that.”

“I say plenty of things I mean, and plenty more that I don’t, when it suits me. I would have thought you enjoyed that sort of pragmatism, no?” Vega shrugs lazily underneath you, although he’s careful not to jostle you as he does it. “Does it truly puzzle you, that I might want to be a little more candid with you?”

“Because you love being candid with me.” He makes more of a show of it, but you do dryness just as well as he does.

“Well, you’re far better company than our friend in the other room. As pleasant as his vitriol might taste, I find he makes for a rather poor conversationalist, when it comes to passing the time.”

How uncharacteristic. “I wouldn’t have thought you paid much attention to chatting, all things considered. Do you make a habit of making conversation, then?”

His face doesn’t change, but you can feel a tiny, stifled spark of confusion, smothered into smoky satisfaction as he considers your question. Is he… flattered? “Present company excluded? No. No, I don’t.”

“Talk to me, then, if you’re so starved for small talk.”

“Looking to uncover all my secrets so soon, are we?”

“Of course.”

“Then ask away, darling. I’m listening.”

A game of kings, and a demon’s horns make a wonderful crown. Pieces chasing each other across the board, clicking against the rosewood. You won’t give up without a fight.

“You asked why I care.”

“I did.” He looks down at you, shifting in his hold, propping yourself up to sit more upright as you lean against him. “You didn’t really answer.”

“Then let me ask you. You wanted to know why I care.” His gaze is placid, deliberately so, and you hold it as you speak. “Why do you want to know?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

You don’t respond, looking up at him expectantly and fighting the urge to say anything. Let him come to you. Make him be the one who breaks the silence for once.

“Hm. Let me put it another way.” Vega takes a moment to think about it, fingers tapping a deliberately-lazy pattern against your arm. “Your commitment to this physical form is admirable - though I must say, while your considerable control of such a… such a painfully human body is remarkable, your effort seems a little misplaced.”

“Does it?” You think you know the answer, but you’ll keep pushing regardless.

“It does to me. These bodies aren’t us, are they? Not really.”

“What are they, then? If they’re not us, as you say.”

“Vessels, to hold our true forms, capture them in these human dimensions, so that we might exist on this plane. I could make and unmake this form however I pleased, in no more than an instant.” A steady hand lifts your chin, careful not to let sharp claws draw blood. “You could, too. Why pay any more mind to the hidden workings of a human form, than a human might to the weave of their shirt? How dull. Wasteful, even. A boring, mechanical task.”

You give a noncommittal shrug, turning back to your previous - and, it must be said, very comfortable - position, but his tail wrapping around your forearm keeps you where you are. He’s less docile now, a little more passion rising to the surface, and it makes a lovely crackle against your senses.

“You don’t agree.”

You tilt your head towards him in vague recognition, though not acquiescence. “I don’t have to. It’s my form, to make as I please.”

“So you find merit in it.”

“You could call it that. I get the sense you’d rather call it something else.”

“I would.”

“Then diagnose me, Doctor Vega,” you sigh airily, lifting the back of your hand to your forehead like humans do when they’re going to faint. “Tell me what’s wrong with me, I beg!” He laughs at your exaggeratedly-pained expression, delight washing over you like water, adjusting his hold as you go limp in his arms. “What would you call it, then?”

“What would I call it…”

His tail winds a little further around your arm, spade brushing innocently against your skin before folding gracefully around your wrist. The contact is nice and soothing, and without really noticing, you curve your other hand over it to keep him there.

“A waste, quite frankly, of time that could be much better spent applying yourself to more… exciting pursuits. We demons are afforded the privilege of infinity, darling. Why spend it worrying about the beating of a heart that you don’t really need?”

“Humans like them. I wanted to know what that was all about,” you reply, perhaps a little too earnestly, but it’s true. “They don’t hold feelings the way we do. For them, it’s the place where they keep their good feelings. Love and happiness and joy and all that. I wanted to know if I could do the same.”

Vega smiles softly at your response, pulling you closer and pressing a brief kiss to your temple. To be honest, you can’t tell if it’s meant to be more affectionate or patronising, but either way you don’t complain.

“Ever the optimist, I see. How… romantic of you, my warden. I can’t say that I share your perspective, but…” His hand slides down from where it’s still cupping your jaw, trailing over your neck, your shoulder, your arm, before settling on your waist. “Well, it’s not like I plan to stop you. You’re a free agent, after all.”

He leans down a little closer, conspiratorial, like he’s telling you a secret. “What you choose to do with that heart of yours isn’t my decision.”

Flicking through the deck, and he’s put down four of a kind - all you’re left with is a flush that just won’t go away. Perhaps you’ll call this one a draw.

“Mm.”

You hide your face back against his shoulder, gently nudging his jaw out of the way with the top of your head and closing your eyes. The awkward angle means you have to relinquish your hold on his tail, but it doesn’t seem to bother him - especially not when you gingerly relax the cloaking over your own.

He must taste your nervousness, shushing you softly and gathering you up in his lap, leaning back even further against the wall so that you’re properly lying on him. These physical bodies are so wonderful - the pleasant weight of his arms around your body, the warmth of his skin against yours, the calming pressure of his tail as it curves and spirals with yours.

“Mmm…” His voice, echoing low and kind in your head, is almost enough to put you to sleep right then and there. He’s so comforting, even considering all the things you know about him. “You ought to be careful, my warden. I might get used to this.”

“Yeah,” you mumble into his mind, too busy bathing in the relaxation dripping off of him to really pay much attention. “You might.”

He doesn’t reply, choosing instead to rest his head lightly on yours and letting you drift in the haze of idle contentment that envelops you both.

Time goes by, but you couldn’t say how long. Sunlight falling tenderly on your skin, blurred and dreamy in the darkness of the room, and you don’t care whether it’s real or not. It feels real, and for now that’s all you need. You don’t know. You’re not looking. Maybe it’s not sunlight at all.

Is this wrong? It must be. You’re not meant to be doing this, least of all with Vega. He’s a monster, isn’t he? A criminal. A liar. He’s said as much himself, and you believe it when he says that he isn’t to be trusted. Why, then, does that make you trust him more? It shouldn’t, it shouldn’t. You’re supposed to know better.

He’s not a good person. You’re not a good liar.

Because there’s no hiding it - you like him. Even though he’s cruel, even though he’s wicked and vicious and far too full of himself, you like him anyway. He’s good company, and he’s been kinder to you than you deserve, all things considered. It’s surprisingly natural to spar with him like this, in a way you’d never have expected before. There are very few demons like him, at least that you’ve met in your time, and you’d be wrong to say he doesn’t intrigue you just for that.

So, that’s that. You’re being manipulated. He’s manipulating you. Knowing it doesn’t make it any less appealing.

If it feels good, then why not? He says you have forever, and he’s right - you might as well spend it enjoying yourself. If that means staying with Vega, seeing this plan of his through to its completion, then that’s what you’ll do. And if he’s wrong, if that forever turns out to be a lot shorter than it’s supposed to be? Well. All those unending years, stretching off into the distance. You wouldn’t want to get bored.

There’s no point in trying to hide it. You’ve been alone for a very, very long time. Somewhere in that time, you’d made your choice not to look back. At every decision, every fork in the road, you’ll weigh up all the options, no matter what they are. Then, whatever you choose, you won’t regret it. You can’t. You did the best with what you had, and the rest is out of your hands.

You’ve made your choice. Tumbling through the atmosphere, pulled endlessly into his orbit, tethered only to his gravity. Bright and light and blinding. Your astral name has never felt so fitting.

“You’ve cloaked them again.”

Vega’s voice, carefully neutral, echoing quietly through your brain. Vaguely, you register a hand reaching up past your face, brushing languidly over the places he knows your horns should be.

“Hm,” you say eloquently, stumbling through a mental yawn. “Didn’t - mmnn - didn’t wanna to stab you by accident…” It takes you a few seconds to summon up a good comeback, and he’s polite enough to let you have them. “Unless you wanted to be stabbed in the chin today, that is.”

“Touché, my warden. Touché.” That sunlight feeling again, rippling through you like a warm current through the ocean. You could have sworn it was nighttime already. “Though I’m flattered. How courteous of you.”

A sleepy shrug. “I aim to please.”

“I’m sure you do, darling.” How do you always walk right into it? You feel the line coming before he even has a chance to say it, but it’s too late to backtrack - you accept your fate with a long-suffering sigh, buried in his chest, and even Vega can’t hide his glee at your theatrical displeasure. “Something tells me you’re very, very good at it.”

“Wouldn’t you-” You’re cut off by another yawn, bigger this time, your teeth just barely scraping over his neck before you settle back down into his hold. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Perhaps I would, my little warden,” Vega murmurs, palm brushing softly over your spine. Up and down, up and down. “Perhaps I will.”

It’s unnecessary. There’s no need to. The effect would be the same if he said it in your mind. But he doesn’t - he bends down to brush his lips just barely over your cheek, tilting his head to whisper quietly in your ear.

“And perhaps you’d like that, too.”

Oh.

There’s no time to sort out how that makes you feel - he pulls away, voice once again filling your mind as you mourn the loss of that wonderful closeness. “My poor darling. So tired. You ought to get some more sleep, little warden.” A teasing laugh, that only you and he can hear. “Doctor’s orders.”

There’s not much you can say to that. There’s not much you want to say.

You don’t really need to sleep, but it’s very nice when you do. For as tall and lean this form he’s taken is, Vega really is surprisingly comfortable to lie on. He’s warm, and gentle, and unexpectedly considerate - it’s not long before you’re giving in and drifting off to sleep.

Warmth and weight and water. A happy little inchoate, snoozing away in Vega’s arms, and you don’t remember if you dream.

(If you did, would you even want to remember?)

(Warm sunlight on the surface of the sea. Bubbles spilling, slipping, overflowing - soft, soapy foam filling a mouth and a throat and a stomach that you don’t need. The clatter of dice on rosewood. Might as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb.)

“Relax, my darling. It’s alright. You’re safe here.”

(Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. No excuses, no defence. A little white lie. Well. What did you expect? There’s something to be said about demons and damnation.)

(You’re choosing happiness. For once, it’s out of your hands.)

(It’s not your fault.)

“I’ve got you.”

(You are, as they say, only human.)

in the mood for more? here's the series masterlist

main masterlist

this is an original work by @gingerbreadmonsters - please do not repost or misattribute

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted fic #redacted vega #redacted warden #redacted fluff #redacted carpe deus #ginger after dark #ginger writes #gingerbreadmonsters

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littlebrotherteam · 1 year

Text

my kyokao headcanons

as ever, my head has been a mess but kyokao is my safe place lol.

1. I like to think that Kyouya’s traditional family has always been aware he was a little queer boy and just did their best to raise him into A Proper Cishet and avoid any Bad Influences but Tamaki the Chairman’s heir was the unexpected plot twist and before they knew it Kyouya was surrounded by a bunch of freaks hosting in highschool.

2. not only that, he was a pretty central part of that group, mommy and all.

3. however, in front of his traditional family he masterfully obeys and bows down to whatever they say despite disagreeing and never wavered in either (not obeying, nor disagreeing) .

4. enter Kaoru, who was raised as the “youngest” kid in an unconventional matriarchy ruled by independent women very enclosed in his own comfortable world and doesn’t get the kind of “people-pleasing” “conventional” Ootori attitude so hes like I do what I want and genuinely disregards their rules ( ie “lol interviewer Akito was a pain in the ass so I read books in your bed hope its k” )

5. as Kaoru is said to have taken a bit after his mom and grandma and both are known for being pranksters and ‘fuck the police’ kind of people but deep down caring I like to think this is the kind of person he becomes. So at first he does w/e and genuinely doesn’t care to get the Ootoris but later acts on PURPOSE in a way that doesn’t get Kyouya in trouble but still defies their traditions

6. Kyouya of course secretly laughs, loves it, pretends he hasn’t seen anything

7. Kyouya inherits from the Ootoris his stubborn stick-in-the-mud ways but that can be both bad and good eventually. Like he’s the sound voice or the safe place when Kaoru gets too caught up in trends and stuff like that because his sense of identity is a little wonkily developed. The one who goes “this is too much” and Kaoru thinks and goes “.. in retrospect maybe that was too much” .

8. rather than “they had been dating for ages and nobody knew” or “everybody knew BUT them” I like to think their history is more like “they always felt kinship but were in different lanes so it couldn’t work out and everybody agreed, until one day they weren’t so it was the obvious development”

9. rather than thinking that Kyouya or Kaoru hate PDA I think both are kinda fond of it. Kaoru is always quite touchy-feely and Kyouya was shown to be comfortable with things like getting massages from Tamaki and bedding Haruhi . But of course they’d also be quite “there is a time and place for everything” .

10. in my head at some point Kaoru the fashion designer starts wearing really flashy clothing (perhaps yelling HARAJUKU! HARAJUKU!!! enthusiastically, almost ironically) while Kyouya looks like an impeccable suits-megane-Harvard-student-srsbsns type of person yet they appreciate eachother’s style (like Kaoru would appreciate the good taste in finely tailored suits, and Kyouya likes dresses anyway and respects Kaoru’s professional skills .. ) and get along .. which would make anyone who looked at them getting along raise their brows.

11. in my head even Fuyumi who is usually accepting would go ohhhhhhh....... o h . . . when she realizes “so .. this new friend of yours is the guy who did the yaoi gimmick in ya club? huh .. ”

12. in short I love them

#kyokao #ouran #headcanons

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owmylasagna-blog · 1 year

Note

Hi!!! About eddeddy n.n: 1,2,6,10,11,17,22,25

Thank you for reaching out!! It was fun to think about some of these!

1.) When did they realize that they were interested in their partner?

I think pretty soon after BPS, if not the literal scene where they make very mushy goo-goo eyes at each other while holding hands. They don’t exactly know that it is a romantic love at the time, but that it is a sort of soft, unconditional love that they didn’t know they had for one another before. Edd can forgive Eddy at his worst and lift him at his lowest point and that just makes Eddy melt. Unfortunately I think while Eddy sort of has the realization first, he would also have the hardest time working through years of familial homophobia (my guess is from his dad and then brother, less so his mom) and internalized homophobia.

I think it will take a bit more time for them to really realize that the friendship is starting to shift into something more than that, likely in high school as they figure out their sexualities. Like “hmm I sure do like my best friend and I also might dig boys and they are sorta cute”. I think they know something is amiss because suddenly they get really awkward with one another in a way they never were before. That boyish touchy feely playfulness they had as kids starts to feel a little different.

2.) Who confessed? How?

My running headcanon is that Edd confesses first. Edd is highly driven by guilt and shame (poverino) and he tries to bottle it up until he just can't take it anymore. And it’s not his feelings for Eddy that he feels guilty about, or that he is bi, but that he is being disingenuous by not revealing his feelings. He just hates having to lie to his best friend! I think what exactly those feelings are is a bit viscous so Edd also holds back because he isn’t exactly a fan of how messy it all is. He’s a weepy and snotty mess when he finally just lets it all out. He is terrified Eddy won’t take it well.

I think Eddy would have a harder time articulating his budding feelings even if he is probably the first to have them. Eddy has the courage to stick up for his friends but generally is pretty wimpy and cowardly when it comes to sticking up for or expressing himself. When Edd does confess it gives Eddy permission to just give into it because he can’t deny that he also might want to like hold hands and kiss.

7.) Who cooks? Describe their cooking.

They split the cooking, though Eddy cooks more. Edd can put together pretty basic and nutritious meals. He is fairly reliant on following recipes and tends to gravitate towards similar, predictable dish. Edd becomes a vegetarian starting in highschool so he doesn't know how to cook meat. He isn’t squeamish of it, just doesn’t have a good sense for preparing it. Eddy on the other hand works various jobs in the food industry as a teen/adult and also grew up cooking at home, learning mostly from his Italian American mom. Unlike Edd he rarely follows a recipe and has good intuition for cook times, techniques, and seasoning. I imagine that as adults, the more they date and perhaps live together, Eddy influences Edd to start eating meat again mostly because he cooks a mean steak and whips up an irresistible carbonara. I think I need a whole other paragraph to go into how that all goes down, their differing ethics and such 🙄

10.) What is their sexual dynamic like?

I think because they are friends the dynamic is rather playful. They both switch positions pretty regularly. Of the two, I imagine Eddy having pretty straightforward and vanilla tastes while Edd has a somewhat repressed kinkier side that they gradually explore over the span of the relationship. Witty banter as foreplay and during sex is a real turn on for both of them. I imagine they have bouts of laughter right in the middle of the act, Eddy cracking jokes, Edd getting carried away, whatever it might be.

11.) How do they express their love?

I wrote once that Eddy’s love language is being mean and I stand by that. Only slightly facetious. And not mean as mean spirited but in that sort of hard-to-get, teasing way. I could also see him being hot and cold when it comes to physical affection because of the whole being physically abused as a child. I think he expresses his love through acts of service and gifts. He very much is receptive to words of affirmation and gifts (Eddy is sentimental like that). Edd on the other hand would show love through words of affirmation and acts of service and really crave physical touch and quality time. So they don’t necessarily have much in the way of overlap, but they make it work. I imagine a big thing for Edd is Eddy taking some responsibility for things, being a team player, learning to trust sometime to help and not be so hyper independent. And Eddy is happy to drop everything so long as Edd knows to ask for it.

17.) What is each person’s type? Does their partner meet this, or are they an atypical match for them?

I see Eddy as being gay and exclusively attracted to men/mascs. I imagine l outside of a relationship with Edd he seeks partners who are fun and charismatic but not necessarily very healthy for him. Deep down there is a part of him that seeks approval from others and I think that lends itself to being with folks that say all the right things but are actually kind of shitty.

Edd is bi and as the series bible suggests has a tendency to crush pretty easily, especially with close acquaintances and friends. I can imagine he is attracted to people who are slightly more outgoing than himself, intelligent, and driven. I think outside of Eddy he would take into consideration more the logistical aspects of being with a partner: compatibility of life goals, career, home life.

It’s sort of a toss up of whether they are a good match based on their types! I think the things that go against their expectations in a partner also challenge them in ways that expand their lives but are also frustrating. But also they are so familiar and have known each other so long that I think they have grown to be each other’s type. Corny.

22.) Describe their wedding.

I don’t see them marrying, perhaps becoming domestic partners depending on where they are living for some of the visitation rights/ health care related benefits. If they got married, they would probably elope.

"Will you marry us?"

"I'm not registered for that."

"Then we'll elope!"

25.) Assuming they have children, what is their parenting like?

I also don’t imagine them having kids (except for forcing a cat onto them) so I think we can agree on them being the eccentric gay uncles to Ed’s kids (I do think Ed would have kids). I honestly think they would both be good with kids without the added pressure of having to raise them and make them turn out just right, and also I think they would feel like they are just part of Ed’s extended family. Sally @specktoons now @bonkerbuster69 had some really cute interpretations of this, where Edd would entertain and explore the innate curiosity of the kids while Eddy would be the fun uncle that tells them outlandish stories that he probably shouldn't.

#eddeddy #yap yap dribble dribble

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dearlymrme · 1 year

Text

WIP Tag Game

Thank you so much @nocterish for the tag. It makes me so happy that people are tagging me wanting to know more about what I'm doing.

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

You wanna know what I'm working on. Welll let me just open my file cabinet and…

Primo

Potion #9.

You're Primo's witch apprentice, and try to make something for your allergies. The potion has some rather…interesting effects. Two part Shot.

Touchy Feely.

Primo blindfolds you and teases you until you snap. Snippet.

Secondo

Alpha VS Omega.

Secondo is a very rough lover, and you give as good as you get. A physically violent fuck for dominance than neither of you back down from. Who will be the winner? One part Fic.

Lean Into It

You pop Secondo's back for him. He pops a boner by how easily you lift him. Snippet.

Terzo

Door #3

It's an actual story instead of just smut snippets. You meet a handsome man at an art gallery, little did you know you would slowly fall in love with the satanic pope. An extreme slice of life and slow burn. You're friends before your lovers. Multi Chapter fic

The Strong Woman

You fireman carry Terzo to his room after a heavy night of drinking, and the man immediately decides that you and your goliath strength make you the perfect choice for Prime Mover.

You Wanna Bet?

Terzo has quite the collection, and for first-timers, he's more than happy to give recommendations. He bets that he can match you with the perfect toy. This is going to be a very smutty Multi Chapter fic of exploring kinks with a very slutty Terzo.

Copia

High Difficulty Setting

You have your own controller and your own game to play with Copia.

Crepuscular Rays

It's an actual story instead of a smut snippet. The technical term for a sunbeam and how you're determined to act as a shining light to break through his dark and depressed clouds. Copia loses the Grammys and falls into depression. Multi Chapter Fic.

Oh Oedipus, We're In It Now

Your fling with the touch starved and desperate Cardinal is getting serious. Even more so when he accidentally calls you 'Mommy'. You are surprisingly into it. This is still up in the air whether or not to be a Multi Chapter Fic.

On The Contrary Part 2

My darling and neglected child. I have just a little bit more I need to do before I reread it and realize I've repeated myself in five different places. ADHD brain at its best.

All Four One

The Little Ways

How each Papa shows you in very little but big ways that they love you.

Expensive Taste

Papa's lingerie preference and why they like it and how they like taking it off you.

Oh Stop You

How the Papa's flirt.

…

ART?

Tell

My computer is currently busted, but there is one thing I have a MIGHTY NEED to draw involving Terzo.

Yes, these all do have names. The name is like one of the first things I come up with and makes it so much easier to keep track of in the Docs.

You can blame @nocturnal-birb for so many of these ideas. I hope you can understand that I want to take these very slowly because as you can see, I have so much I wanna write. But I don't wanna burn out.

Much of my writing is going to be kept strictly to my two days off.

However, if there is stuff you wanna talk about, my inbox is open, and I promise, I am friendly. I am also in the habit of sharing bits and pieces of what I write to my mutuals. Along with ideas and just general shitghousting.

I tag @tasty-ribz and @ghestie-nun and @onedaughterofman

#dee posts #dee writes #looking at the mountain of work i've made for myself #@tasty-ribz #@ghestie-nun #fics in progress #it just keeps getting bigger 😞😓😩

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roo-bastmoon · 2 years

Note

tae especially pushes taekook, stating that he'll go with jk to get a tattoo and after jk's artist posts his, posts a drawing on his arm of a "tattoo" lmao. the desperation. and jk doesn't help by calling tae the most attractive either. imagine actually being jimin and seeing your supposed bff trying to feed his shippers and your bf saying that you're not the most attractive person he's ever seen.

Okay, let's not shade a member and accuse them of desperation, but yes, to your point, I have a couple thoughts here around Taekookery this year:

Tae has heavily implied lots of closeness with JK this year. Insta posts. Mentioning gaming together online all night. Fortune teller / fire-and-water comments. Tae gave him that blue coat he wore in the Vlive, I think he said... Lots of flirty interactions on the stage. And he's always touching JK. (JK 99% of the time passively receives those touches, but he IS receptive of them--it's not unwanted or overbearing; Tae is not a creep.) In and of themselves, these are just cute moments. In the context of ship wars, it seems very odd to work fans up with that stuff, right after telling fans to get out of their imaginations. He also hinted in the LA Vlive of a secret song he did with JK (all a joke?) and hinted at a member 7 tattoo (not real)... I don't understand his thought processes when he does stuff like this. I don't know why he pretends to play the trumpet to that one recorded song in that Vlive, either. Does he enjoy working fans up with pranks but then never admitting it's a prank? Likely. I think Tae loves attention. Don't all actors? I will say he has plenty of touchy-feely shippy moments with Jin and Hobi too, and sometimes Yoongi and Joon. Tae is tactile. Like, he's kissed Jin TWICE this year. I don't think he's dating Jin. I hate to accuse any member of fan service, but they are born performers. I think Tae and JK are good friends who have fun together. But I don't think they are super duper stuck-at-the-hip close. I don't think they are each other's emergency contacts. I'm not sure why Tae mentions him quite so much, pushes Taekook quite so much. Maybe he just feels most at home with JK. (He LOOKS most at home with Jimin, I will say. For a long time, it looked like Tae had a bit of a deep crush on Jimin and I think Jikook might have made him feel awkward and left out a bit, in the beginning.)

To be fair, JK chose to answer a question during a live about Tae's looks, and he rambled on and basically said "I will admit it... he is very attractive." And that's true. While Tae is not MY definition of super duper off-the-charts attractive (for ME), he is objectively beautiful. (Side note: I think Tae's most attractive qualities are how he acts around children and his impeccable taste in music. Goddamn, that gets me hot. I digress.) Have you noticed that JK's lives often hint at really big things but actually have very little substance... or rather, the details he reveals are not conclusive proof of anything? He'll say Jimin is his. Ask him, and he'll say Tae is his, too. If too much gets revealed, he'll qualify it with a flimsy excuse. He always weaves in plausible deniability.

From what I'm seeing, Jimin and Tae get along well, joke with each other, cuddle and stare at each other lovingly, there's been some super cute Vmin moments all year. Tae knew all the lyrics to With You by heart. I sense no beef, no jealousy, no possessiveness, nor any strained anger. Jimin seems totally unbothered. Also the rest of the members aren't reacting in unexpected ways to either Jikookery or Taekookery this year so... I'm inclined to think whatever's happening between them all on screen is a bigger deal to us in fandom than it is to them in their lives.

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neuromantis · 11 months

Text

lately i have been thinking a lot about loneliness. and how lonely i truly am.

having another word vomit session under the cut.

i have friends and acquaintances aplenty, but i rarely ever see them or talk to them, really. i try to go out of my way, but something always goes wrong. besides, even if i actually go see them, i am never comfortable with asking from them what i actually need - physical contact.

i have voices in my head and we talk plenty. but i can't touch those either, no matter how much i yearn to keep holding my sister's hand.

whenever i mention it around pill, she says that if i wanted to stop being alone so bad, i would have moved in with her already. but yes, sure, we would probably be great together, but she hates doing a lot of the things i actually need/want and she refuses to be my romantic partner, so i really don't know.

all my life physical touch have been something to be afraid of. it could only cause pain. i was horrified when i learned that other kids got hugged and kissed and tucked in, their hair ruffled, their sides tickled. the most affection i got is my mother letting me to hold on to her elbow while she walked. what i got from dad... well. that surely was some sort of affection probably, but it mostly just left me bruised.

i loved sleeping in a tiniest bed ever with my ex. sure, he would also rape me in that same bed, but at night, when he was asleep and at peace and couldn't hurt me, i'd get to cling for dear life to a warm living body.

i am terrified of staying alone at night. i get the worst paranoia attacks imaginable. my loneliness just seeps out of my every pore, uncontrollable.

i usually invite a friend over. often i wake up at night and go to see if they're still breathing. if they agree to sleep in the same bed, that is much better, but i would still wake up all night from trying not to bump into them in my sleep. every time i want to ask if i can wrap my arms around them and sleep like that, because that is what i actually need, but every time i am too afraid to ask for more than i already have.

for 5 years i dated a girl who hated being held or to touch me at all. she would do my make-up, and slowdance with me when take me to church played, but she insisted sleeping a meter apart in the bed, would never hold my hand and i could count by the fingers of one hand how many times we've kissed in those 5 years. my mind would constantly run laps, "this time i am going to hug her", "i want to braid her hair", "just let me kiss your hand", but i never never did, because her being comfortable was always more important than anything about me. i tried so hard to be perfect for her, but i broke eventually, because that's what my brain does. my first psychotic break, my first suicide attempt in a while, me crying in bed for three months straight and she left. of course she left. anyone would in her place. when your loyal lap dog turns rabid, you'd probably just shoot it. would have been better if she shot me.

my last girlfriend left me because guess what. i wasn't touchy and feely and affectionate enough for her tastes. i wanted to be. i always want to. but i can't do it even if someone asks me to. it's fucking ridiculous. i'd much rather give/take pain than any affection, despite me wanting affection 24/7. pain is a more familiar way for me to deal with touch starvation. that's something i am familiar with, something i am used to. i'd leave bruises and get bruised much more comfortable than have something gentle. it throws me off. i want it, but when i get it, i want to scream. i need it, but when i get it, i want to vomit.

my fantasies all consist of me being hurt and used. i think if anyone tried to be gentle with me sexually, i'd throw up all over them. because it hurts even worse like that. because i don't deserve it. because that's wrong. because that's not what i got used to. not anything i am familiar with. so i hate it.

so i hate it. even if it's all i ever want. for someone to hug me and pet my hair and tell me how good i am doing.

people say "i will not help you, because i offered before and you refused my kindness and only kept trying to get more pain", how the fuck do i explain to you that the only reason i kept refusing kindness because it's fucking terrifying to me? because no matter how much i ask and yearn for it, actually getting it would probably fucking destroy me as a person? that i am yet to learn how to actually accept any help and kindness at all?

how the fuck would you expect me to accept help if the first person to insist on teaching me, gave the fuck up on me after a couple of months of trying? and i wanted affection at that point. i admitted i wanted it. i admitted to myself that if i don't get help, i will probably die very soon. and still, i couldn't.

i am lonely. extremely so. because what i always needed was physical touch and words of praise. but i am alone because my brain is utterly fucking broken and can not accept anything good for me even if i finally accepted myself that that is what i need. it still makes me recoil and choke and clam up and scream and whatever else. i can't. i can't. i can't. i want to, desperately so. but i can't.

so. i kinda convinced myself my love language was acts of service/gift-giving and gave up on anything else.

#bert and ernie go to ikea always unblocks this shit for me

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vvatchword · 11 months

Text

Imagination Nugget

So I went to a ketamine retreat. This shit ain’t cheap. I went into yet more debt just to do it. But my therapist told me that people come out of it with long-term benefits. See, I have what they call treatment-resistant depression, otherwise known as “I have seen the face of god and he wasn’t that great”. It is a reverse high. The Reverse Uno card of mental health. The thing that happens to Lovecraft main characters when they see the true nature of the universe. Y’know.

The retreat was held in a turn-of-the-century house downtown. Gorgeous old thing. Enormous 8-foot-tall windows, original glass and clasps, wonderful porch that directed breezes oh-just-right, Grecian portico for some reason (?). (Just goes to show that you can have money and no taste in any time period.) Cracked me up that I was lying on the drawing room floor getting high with a bunch of strangers. Man, imagine how pissed-off some Victorian grandmadam would be about that shit. “You were doing WHAT in MY drawing room?!”

I was only nervous once and it was because there were eleven people crammed in 300 square feet and I was about to caveman-spongebob right out the window.

Can I ask y’all a question, though

Is it possible to engage with drugs holistically without all the touchy-feely stuff? Or the strange religious overtones? Because I felt pretty silly. I could tell one of the other people there was also super not into the tone. Like you and me buddy, you and me both. And the thing is, I see why they’re doing a lot of it. I’ll take the meditation but why are we burning sage and must there be crystals everywhere? They had one of those baked amethysts sitting on a table--you put an amethyst in an oven and bake it a while and it’ll turn yellow so then you can market it as citrine. I’d even rather have the bad painting of the jaguar on the second-floor landing than a hospital setting. But also... like... they talked about the trip as a journey. You know what I did? Sink into my own brain and have the zoomies. It wasn’t a journey, it was a house party with me as the only guests. I didn’t see any visuals and I was always aware of where and when I was. Ketamine, like THC and Adderall, slows time down for me. Also, I became a brain in a meat popsicle. That was fine. I loved it.

I started it out thinking, “This shot ain’t SHIT.” I quickly ended up with, “This shot ain’t... oh shit oh shit cooooooool byyyyye” Buzzing waves flowed up from the bottom of my brain to the top over and over and over and I was just the happiest damn human being who ever lived. I started getting worried about the fact I wasn’t worried, then thought “Nah” and floated off doing mental backflips. I thought about my brother at one point but I wasn’t even mad. I was like “Yep there he be” and cartwheeled outta there. At one point I realized I could conceivably let go enough to achieve ego death. I wasn’t afraid of it; I just didn’t want to do it. So I didn’t. I just played with all of my toys in my own brain. It was like I was given permission to ignore the outside world and all of my fears and worries completely, which happened to be all centered around my physical motherfucking body and where it is in space and time and its relationship to other human beings. Also, at that point I had paid an ungodly amount of money for a clinician to look after my prone drooling form, so I was able to surrender literally every care on Earth and go sprinting after every mental earworm I have ever had. Story idea? Sure! Think about what I can use this for in my story? Sure! Imagine how pissed off the original owners of the house would be that I’m doing this here? YESSSS

I am told I just lay there completely still, which is great, as I thought I was lying completely still. Because I lay still, I was offered a second dose, which means I got MORE KETAMINE. Just like in real life, people never know that I’m actually having a party inside of my own brain.

“Are you okay?”

“yyyyeaaaah :)”

“How do you feel?”

“Good :)))) Izzz powerfullll”

“It’s powerful? Would you like more?”

“Yezzzzzzz”

and you know what

I GOT MORE B))))))

Man drugs are great. Who’s gatekeeping this shit? Give me this shit. Every day. Give me all this shit.

One of the things we had to do was go into this ceremony with an Intention. What did we want out of our trip? And I just said, “Honestly, I just want to go with the flow. I don’t care. I want to see what happens and I just hope I get something good out of it.” Out of my laundry list of psychological hangups--which included despair, unbelievable rage, suicidal ideation, deep and inconsolable grief--you’d think I’d have found something. Nope. The element that stood out to me wasn’t even on my fucking list.

I realized how much I loved retreating into that specific part of my brain to play with my toys in my imaginary space. And what’s more, that’s totally possible without any drugs at all. I had such a powerful experience there that I can show you where it fucking is just by touching my head. It’s still buzzing as we speak. I realized suddenly that I hadn’t been giving myself any time to go there. I had always gone there in childhood, but the older I got, and the more concerns I picked up, the less I’d let myself retreat to that space. It wasn’t because I felt ashamed of it or anything; it’s because it’s so deep and internal that it takes my eyes off the road, as it were. If I sink into that place too deeply I can get into real trouble lol--I’m talking about walking into traffic or a wall or something--and I don’t feel safe descending into it when there are people around--and at some point I just fell out of the habit of going there.

I described it to my attending physician as an “imagination nugget.” She insisted on calling it a “gift.” Look, you can’t go to a gift. You can, however, go to Imagination Nugget.

I realized I should make time in my day just to completely let go and sink into my little space to play with my toys. And honestly? That’s a great realization to have. Spend more time with myself doing nothing but mental play. GIVE that time to myself, don’t just do it at the end of the day--that’s another thing I realized, that I only give myself time to do that when I’m in bed trying to sleep--which is WHY I HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING. Because I’m trying to put Imagination Nugget time into my Sleep Time. Durrrrhhh

Also we did art at the end. I felt silly about that too, honestly. I wanted to go home lol. But I did make... art...? In retrospect, I should’ve made it terrible on purpose. But when you spend $800-fucking-dollars on something you treat that shit SERIOUS ok

#vvatchword

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mammons-best-boi · 3 years

Text

The youngest brothers cuddling MC

Asmo 💝💝

touchy-feely all the time

honestly, if you have sensory issues or don't want him touching you all the time, you have to tell him about it.

Otherwise, he is always cuddling you or holding your hand or touching you every chance he gets.

holds your hand walking through the halls. Whenever he's next to you, you lose one hand to his.

when you two sit together, he rests himself against you in some capacity. be it leaning on your arm to laying across your lap.

will go out of his way to make sure you are comfy. (all of the brothers will to an extent, but Asmo will always have a full relaxation spa day with you when you need it or want it for that matter.)

Beel❤️❤️

he loves you! he'll share his food with you!

when he's not eating, he loves to hold your hand!

hugs always! nice long hugs that will make you cry because he just loves you so much you can feel it pouring through the hug!

I'm not just saying that because I want a hug like that

personaly I don't think that he's super into kisses becasue he's scared that if you taste good he wont be able to controll himself.

loves to nuzzle against your head, breathing in your smell and scenting you at the same time!

Belphie💜💜

he love you as much as (maybe more than) Beel. He will happily share his pillow with you!

likes to hold you whenever he can.

loves to hold your waist as he sleeps on your lap

Cuddle King

Everything is soft and you feel like a lot of his things are enchianted to feel like the softest thing imaginable!

Again, if you have any texture sensitivities or need space, you have to out right tell him or he just wont get it.

tries really really hard to make sure that you are 100% comfy all of the time, even if it means having to settle with just being in the same room as you rather than laying on you.

okay, so, I don't really like belphie all that much because in the spoilers for chaper 16(?) he did that one thing and I can't really vibe with him anymore. But I'll do my best.

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leatherednlace · 3 years

Text

Life In The Fast Lane

Aaron Hotchner x Male reader

You are paired up with Hotch to share a room for the night, time alone costs your cover when Hotch hears his name slip from your lips whilst showering

Tags - NSFW+18, M x M, Smut, Sexual tension, Implied Masturbation, Hotch overhears, Confrontation, Touching, Dom!Hotch, Blowjob, Praise, Facials, Hotel sex, Hotch is kinda a dirty boi, Aftercare, Soft boi!Hotch, Cuddles

A/N - I had too…

——————————————————————————

“Hotch I’m fine…just tired is all” you finish your sentence with a stretch of your arms, reaching out into thin air as your body twitches, a yawn escaping your lips.

Hotch chuckles at the movement, eyes watching you closely. As much as he trusted you he never really believed a word you said when it came to your well-being, he knew how much you over worked yourself always wanting to make a good impression.

“Please by any means get some rest, I’ll clear up the case and try and get further with my research…it’s been a long day”

You fight the urge to ignore him but he was right, you were tired…but you were also distracted by the way his hands squeezed your shoulders within a reassuring grasp…Hotch was never one to be very touchy feely with pretty much anyone, but you…

You shuddered and Hotch felt that, slowly releasing your shoulders from his calloused arms. “I’ll just be over here” he smiles sweetly, pointing to the desk placed neatly beside the bed.

“Okay…I’m off to shower, i feel disgusting” you both chuckle once again, watching as Hotch took his classy suit jacket off, slumping into the bed as he wipes at his eyes.

You stalk towards the door, feeling yourself stir in your pants at the glare Aaron had on you. It was obvious you both had a connection that was rather to close for friends…even Derek teased you about it.

“Fuck” you mutter underneath your breath as you lean against the door, sighing as your boner simply wont go away, twitching inside of your boxers like no tomorrow…thanks to Hotch and his sinful glare…shoulder rubs…god you were down hard.

You really wish you were paired with anyone but Hotch, how were you suppose to survive a night with your boss, the man you had a HUGE crush on…the impossibility was growing rather quickly.

You begin to undress, the tiredness leaving you once you pop out of your pants with a groan, cock weeping and standing at attention. You shook your head, releasing any thought of him as you stepped underneath the shower head, twisting the nozzle as the warm water sprays over your weak body.

“Jesus…” you chuckle to yourself, bathing in the warm water as you feel your sore body relax. Your hands move across your body slowly but surly, with each movement you travelled lower until you gasped, finger tips brushing against your hard on.

Grasping at your cock, wanting fingers wrap around yourself gently, you feel yourself now tugging yourself back and forth, thoughts of Hotch and his hands flooded your mind, nothing but filth for that man had you wanting more.

“H-Hotch” you whimper lowly, making sure he couldn’t hear you…so you thought. You felt so dirty, such as a sinner would, but it was oh so right…

——————

You feel a wave of relief across your freshly smelling body but you infact were settling in for the night, placing the towel you used to dry yourself around your neck, you rub at the back of your head as you walk out.

Hearing the faint breathing of Hotch you stop in your tracks to turn to tiptoeing, closing the door behind you softly as you travel over to the shared bed trying your best to be quiet as possible not wanting a grouchy boss in the morning.

Once you were settled you sank into the sheets, head resting softly against the silk pillows. Closing your eyes you feel yourself slipping away into sleep.

“I heard you…”

Even with a whisper he made you jump, eyes opening to be met with his deep hazel orbs staring back at you. Even in the semi dark room you feel the blush rise in your cheeks.

“I-I” you had no words, none at all, but that was okay because he silenced you with one of his thick digits, your lips sealing shut as he pulls it away. “Do you mean it?” He questions, hands moving to wrap gently at your waist, pulling you closer to him.

You swallow thickly, feeling his breath fan against your cheek which had you practically melting, but you nod very eagerly. Hotch smiles sweetly, slowly meeting you half way with his lips embracing your own within a passionate kiss.

A sudden rush of adrenaline washes over you, your legs now scrambling to crawl into his lap, lips still latching together, his tongue now fighting against your own for dominance obviously winning, not that you minded at all.

You grind against his lap like a bitch in head, feeling him grin against your wet puffy lips as his hands rake up your back, helping you push into him as he takes away your innocence…you surly will regret this in the morning not that you cared right now…you just wanted him.

“Let me make you feel good” you breath against his skin, lips sealing around the skin on his neck, but this time you go slower, your free hand lifting up the thin sheet that stuck to his hip revealing his hardening member.

Hotch hadn’t been this way with anyone since Haley, he didn’t want to be….until you. He anticipated your lips as you trailed down lower, peppering kisses from his throat to his slightly hairy chest, his large hands coming to grasp at your neck.

He groans once again at the feeling of your fingers snaking around the base of his cock, his balls drawing up as you begin to continue your quest to help pleasure him.

You almost forgot how big he actually was down there, your hand now exploring the cock you know as Hotch’s, each ridge, each ridge sliding back and forth as his foreskin slowly overlaps the bulbous angry tip.

“I-I am i doing good?” You question, eyes looking up into his lustfilled ones, his mouth slightly agape as he takes in the sight of you, mouthing at his balls as you slowly jerk him back and forth.

Several moans escaped his open mouth as your tongue drew a long strip of saliva up towards the tip. His grip grew tighter as you kitten licked at his slit, pre-come oozing out onto your tongue giving you a mouthful of his taste.

Humming you stopped your teasing, Hotch’s deep grunts and his bossy hand tangled within your hair ordering you to wrap your lips around the sensitive head.

You wrapped your hand around him, pumping what you couldn’t fit in. Hollowing your cheeks, you bobbed your head up and down slowly. You completely took him from your mouth, releasing him with a pop, looking up at him you smile seductively.

He groans, pushing you back down until your nose is buried deeply in balls, tears pricking your eyes as you choke around him, retching at the intrusion in your throat. Using his hand he pulls you off.

You took him back into your mouth, glancing through your lashes at him, you sucked in a breath through your nose. Moving your hands upwards, you placed one hand on his slightly toned stomach, taking him back into your mouth, you sink all the way down, nose brushing against his navel. You gag but keep yourself there for a few seconds before he pulled you off again.

Your lips were covered in a thick layer of saliva, a string connecting you to his cock still, taking in every detail had Hotch cumming already all over your pretty, abused face, each shot covering a different part of your face.

Aaron’s face is fucked out, flush from the pleasure as he grew soft in your grip. A few slaps of his cock to your face you grew tired, your cock aching between your legs as he pulls you up to his chest.

You look slightly sad knowing you’ll be aching for hours more. “We aren’t done sweetheart”

——————

You woke up to large arms wrapped around your waist, you were held closely to a slowly rising and falling chest, presumably Aaron’s.

You had flashback’s from the night before and all you could think about Hotch…How good he made you feel…how he really felt about you.

You could feel him stir, a sleepy chuckle escaping his lips as he kissed you on the cheek several times. “Morning sleepyhead” you smirk, pecking him on the lips as you fist his jet black hair.

“How are we going to explain this to the team…we weren’t exactly quiet last night” Hotch takes in your sleepy form, he couldn’t help but smile warmly at you.

“I don’t care…i want everyone to know you are mine now…nobody else’s…”

#x male reader #male reader #smut #aaron hotchner #hotch #criminal minds

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hetalia-reacts · 3 years

Note

PLATONIC HEADCANINS !! PLATONIC HEADCANONS !! HOW ABOUT- a doting touchy-feely PLATONC reader with the allies?? Friendship headcanons :3 (do Axis if u can but PLEASE don't do that if you are tired or busy PLEASE don't ♡♡:))

America

I feel Alfred is also a bit of a touchy-feely kind of friend too

Especially with best friends and whatnot

Is either always at your house or telling you to come to his

He just wants to watch movies or play video games with you

Heck he just wants to exist in the same room with his bestie

Will Alfred wake you up at 3am to do something with him?

Yes

Y’all will either be doing mundane things like going on a store run or literally committing a crime

There is N O in between

Since the both of you are both touchy-feely and likely clinging to each other you bet you’ve gotten the same question 1000x

“Are you two dating?”

You both either go for the ewww hell no or a straight faced but sarcastic yes we totally are

But it’s 50/50 if you both actually go for the same response

It’s a game at this point to see if you guys can read each other’s minds

You guys usually make an awkward situation for the person that asked because one will say yes and the other says eww and neither of you will back down and explain that you guys are just sarcastic and teasing jerks lmao

England

Arthur isn’t the most touchy person so having a friend that is can be tough sometimes

He does appreciate the hugs and physical comfort/support but he just gets kinda awkward

Well at first anyways

When you are certified besties he’s used to it and one can often find him gravitating towards you to just be close

Will never admit he likes it though sorry he’s a hard head

No one dares ask either of y’all that dreaded question though because they don’t want to deal with his sarcasm and the lecture that’s sure to follow

Arthur is a chill bestie though

Often invites you over to just be together

He doesn’t care if it’s just to talk, do something, or simply enjoy the presence of someone else

Help him cook maybe?

Even if you suck at cooking he enjoys attempting to cook with someone else

And that also means having fun in the kitchen and being complete dorks the whole time

And also having to order food or eat a sandwich because unless you can cook it’s going to be inedible

Will make you watch and read Sherlock, even if he has to be there or read it to you it’s happening

France

Francis is very touchy as a friend unless he knows someone dislikes it

So having a bestie that is like him is perfect

People probably think y’all are glued together at this point

No one would ever think y’all are dating either because Francis acts completely different with his bestie than a love interest

He’s kind of a mean ass ngl

He likes to jokingly bicker and fight with you

And definitely likes to cling and be dramatic with you to the point it’s annoying to others

Francis drags you with him everywhere

His house, the gym, the store, England’s house, etc

He cant just go alone anymore it would feel wrong like he’s forgetting something

If you’re bad at dressing or have no style he’s got your back

Literally shops for you but also constantly says things like you’ll never look as good as him

You are also one fo the few that will ever see Francis get serious or down in the dumps

It’s just something he doesn’t wear on his sleeve and reserves for those closest to him

Canada

Matthew is not used to having people cling to him

He’s not really used to having people notice him so having a someone that’s his bestie, that notices him the most, and always clings and talks to him is a strange and wild concept

Doesn’t mind the touchiness and honestly rather prefers it

He’s kinda touch starved :/

Matthew is likely always at your house with Kumajirou

Movie marathon and cuddles yo

Also as his closest friend you come to see his ‘secret’ side of being sarcastic and a complete savage

This boy does not hold back with you either

Maybe at first he did but when he realized y’all are in this friend stuff for life he won’t censor or sugar coat things if it’s not necessary

Makes you play and watch hockey with him

Will teach you everything if you know nothing

Matthew is the type of friend to invite you to his families holidays/vacations and come to yours

He knows and is cool with basically all of your family

I mean who could hate or dislike this polite boy?

Russia

Ivan is not used to friendship either as people usually tremble in fear before him

so having a friend that is touchy on top of having a close friend can be a bit much at times

But he’s happy!

He loves the hugs! Loves the contact! Loves having a friend!

Loves cuddles most of all he won’t lie, Ivan loves the feeling of comfort and support when you cuddle him

People do often assume you two are dating because most people assume someone would only put up with him if they were in love with him

Neither of you mind the rumors since y’all know the truth

Ivan is the sweetest friend

He shows up unannounced with food or groceries all the time

Always helping you out without being asked

Like oh your washing machine broke I fixed it/bought you a new one already or oh you suck at this let me explain it and teach it to you

Does this completely unprompted

He’s always over at yours or always inviting you over to his

Wants to do classic friend things?

Like things he sees in movies and shows that friends do a lot or things he’s overheard from others

Late night store runs, hanging out at parks, showing up unannounced to crash at your place, those kind of things

You’re the only person he confides in, you know all his secrets, his sadness, everything

Honestly, Ivan is the person who needs a touchy-feely friend the most out of everyone

China

Yao is happy about having a touchy friend but will always play like he hates it

Not in like a tsundere “I totally d-don’t need friends baka” kind of way but a really dramatic “omg I can’t believe you’re so obsessed with me haha loser” kind of way

He’s only joking of course and apologizes if you get hurt by his teasing or he crosses a line

Only a brave few would try and ask if y’all are more than friends

They have to listen to a lecture with an angry Yao explaining that people can be close and not want to date and how immature and inappropriate they’re being

Totally the type of friend that mothers you

Constantly says you look skinnier than last time and forces you to eat because he’s worried for you

Will not sugar coat anything for you

If you ask for his advice then I’m sorry but you’re gonna get it even if it makes you cry or get mad

Yao wants you over at his constantly

He’s lonely man ㅠㅠ

And he doesn’t want to leave the comfort of his house

Expect a lot of his gifts for your birthday/holiday to be cute plushies he found

Germany

Ludwig act differently depending on when y’all become besties

Like before Italy, he’s nervous, confused, and slightly annoyed by all the touching and notion of being besties

If it’s after Italy he’s used to all the touchiness and has figured out how to show his friendship to you in other ways

Like making you things! Or simply inviting you to hang out!

Ludwigs is always gonna be a bit awkward though

Always shy about hanging out and inviting you over

Many people assume you two to be dating because of his awkwardness but he is the first to start defending your friendship and it’s pure nature

He develops a sixth sense and now answers people’s questions about the two of you without even looking at them

He can just feel the nasty vibes

Asks you to do mundane things with him

Like shopping or even chores

Asks you to come bake with him a lot

It was embarrassing at first since not many people know his love of making sweets but he’s over that now

I know I say this a lot, but please work out with him _(:3 」∠)_

My guy just wants a work out buddy, a spotter, a n y t h i n g just please pick up the smallest dumbbell and pretend you want to work out

If you ask for advice expect him to be straight to the point about it but comfort you afterwards

Italy

Feliciano is a god tier bestie if your touchy-feely

Doesn’t matter if that touchy-feely emotionally and/or physically he’s down for both

Like please hold his hand, hug him, give him head pats, cheek kisses or any form affection really

No one even thinks anything of it, it’s just Feliciano being himself

If anyone did ask if you were dating he might get self-conscious of his actions, he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or like he was trying to be something more with you

He’s easy to calm down though

Feliciano invites you out all the time

Restaurants, wine tastings, farmers markets, gondola rides, just about anything he can think of that he thinks you would like to do

Always at your house

He eats all of your food too, but he makes you some in return so it’s okay

Gives really good advice

Like for his bestie he’ll get super serious and thoughtful about your issues, even spending days thinking of solutions

Tries not to sugar coat things for you but ends up doing just that

He doesn’t want to make his friend cry or even more anxious

Will comfort you though if you are upset about anything he’s said and apologizes profusely for it too

Japan

Kiku is overall one of the ones who needs a touchy bestie but is the most challenging with receiving or giving the touchiness back

He’s a man who enjoys personal space and alone time, so he’s honestly surprised anyone considers him a true best friend

He knows he can get a bit feisty and shut himself away when he gets uncomfortable and that makes it hard to truly befriend him

But he’s really happy you stick around and deal with his awkwardness and rejection of your affection

Tries his hardest to at least accept your friendly affection

No one would dare ask if you two are flirting or together because my god it’s taking so much of his effort to just sit less than 2 feet away from you at the start so they don’t want to ruin his progress by making it awkward

Kiku definitely asks for your opinion on anime and manga

Gets into heated debates with you over certain ones

Is shy but asks you to come over a lot

Likes to have tea and snacks with you while you guys talk

Y’all can talk for literally a whole day

You sleepover a lot, he insists and even got you your own futon with a cool custom cover

Gifts you a kotatsu at some point because he loves them and he thinks you should enjoy them all the time too

When he gets over a lot of shyness he loves when you do simple forms of affection with him

Like ruffling his hair or holding onto his arm or even just leaning against him

He enjoys those the most since they aren’t too physical and mentally taxing on him and it still let you physically express your friendship with him like you love to do

If you ask for advice either get prepared for a harsh wake up call or a stumbling mess of words

It’s 50/50 if Kiku gives you the stone cold truth or tries to spare your feelings

As your friend he thinks you deserve the truth but he doesn’t want his harsh advice to ruin your mood or make you hate him

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cinnachuu · 4 years

Text

dating Mary Saotome headcanons

warnings/genre: fluff headcanons, some mentions of angst, mild violence, harassment, dating headcanons, implied female reader

a/n: my favorite girl!! I’m going to be doing a lot of female characters x female readers, and then male characters x male readers, but I still have tons of gender neutral fics being written and edited rn!! planning a very wordy one for obey me soon >:)) enjoy!

•the most likely way for you guys to meet is by Yumeko

•I can’t really see her being able to swoon over anyone who bested her or lost to her, so you’re probably a member of the Yumeko gang! :D

•Mary is very confident and takes a lot of charge in her relationships

•she isn’t very romantic tho, she’s more casual and just enjoys your company. She doesn’t like being super open about how she feels, but she really does love you.

•it’s just difficult for her to express it in the traditional sense :((

•but!! She does express it her own special ways

•her confidence and pride? now shared with you!

•she’s your number one hypeman when gambling, loves watching you destroy your opponents

•she orders around housepets to be footrests for you. Only the best backs, they can’t be too bony.

•if you’re not the best at gambling, she’s willing to teach you, but she’s not exactly the best at mentoring someone

•she expects u to learn the material and learn it fast

•but she will throw hands with whoever beats you in battle, she doesn’t mind consequences

•okay yes she does, she’ll throw multiple snarky remarks.

•one time someone tried lifting your skirt and she dove in really quick with a few very not safe for school words :))

•if you’re not from a wealthy family, she’s extremely protective of you as she knows exactly what it’s like to be considered prey

•she never wants you to face the humiliation she did

•if you’re from a wealthy family, she really won’t care but she’ll make some teasing remarks about your wealth. it’s just in her nature, nothing too serious.

•hmmm I feel like as a girlfriend she’ll honestly be kinda toxic at first as she tends to brush off other people’s feelings

•in all honesty, if you’re more of an emotional person you really would have to be close to Mary to date her, as she’s just too nonchalant about other people’s feelings

•her difficulty expressing how she feels is also trouble in relationships :))

•u rlly do have to be patient with her.

•however that’s sad and lame let’s get onto some happier stuff!!

•cuddling with her is rare

•she just isn’t touchy feely, it’s not her style, but she likes being little spoon.

•pls accompany her to gamble it’s a fun sight to see her get all sadistic and cruel

•even better when you join in!!

•only if u want to, she’d never actually pressure u to gamble unlike Yumeko

•she understands that not a lot of people enjoy the risk factor. Some are doing it to survive, she gets that.

•but if you genuinely enjoy gambling u two are a power couple

•honestly i could imagine her being a girlfriend who loves showing off her partner

•she won’t do it in front of you, but Yumeko will always gush about how much she talks about you

•she loves doing your hair

•she did matching pigtails with you once, it was so cute!!

•honestly I can see her as being very possessive and jealous

•but she also doesn’t wanna say anything because she doesn’t control you, you’re her equal

•when she’s upset it’s better if you take charge and talk to her about it

•she loves positive affirmations that she’s a good girlfriend because she feels like she rlly isn’t

•gets you flowers every now and then

•writes u letters that aren’t romantic at all, probably saying stuff like “ur cute I like you,” or “ur dumb. come kiss me in the library.”

•she rlly doesn’t like PDA pls don’t no PDA

•it’s not that your affection isn’t welcome, she just rather have her reputation upheld than kisses

•ofc if u went to the school you’d understand,,

•honestly, she’ll hold you like a trophy at most.

•showing you off during gambling.

•”this is my girlfriend, see? and she may be an idiot, but this idiot outsmarted you!”

•she’s not the kindest tbh she prefers showing her affection through gifts

•gets all flustered when you get her gifts

•don’t get her anything extravagant she’ll cry

•often the ordeal between you is trading sticky notes or personalized poker cards with little writings on them

•will shame u if u don’t have good music taste

•doesn’t like seeing you cry tho so she’ll never insult u that seriously

•honestly her insults are childish, you fight the urge to laugh everytime she tries to insult your pride

•if Yumeko gets touchy with you she’ll get very upset and kinda annoyed

•admittedly Yumeko knocks her confidence down to a 7/10 when it used to be a 1000/10.

•it’s kinda like seeing your girlfriend run away with the idea person

•”oh she can gamble,,she’s rich,,,she’s prettier than me, she’s nicer, god...”

•rambles and mutters to herself when she’s frustrated which is a tell tale sign of jealousy

•to comfort her u rlly just have to reassure her u only have eyes for her, and she’s the only girl for you.

•she is, she’s a sweetheart :)

•dates aren’t often. They usually are gambling sessions or getting coffee

•she never really goes all out with dates, as long as you’re with her, it’s a date.

•ok this part is very female-reader heavy so pls stop reading if that makes you uncomfy!!

•ok so this school is bat shit crazy and there’s gonna be a couple folks with very mean ideals

•for example, a few dudes pulled your hair and called you mean names and Mary wasn’t there

•you were walking with Ryota and just trying to enjoy a normal day when they grabbed you and started yelling rlly mean insults

•ryota is HECCING useless so he just watched and tried yelling

•of course his pleas for them to stop were drowned out by many homophobic statements calling u very mean things and shaming u for dating a girl but it’s the thought that counts

•Mary came in with Ririka, looking like she was about to burn the school down

•Ririka was wearing her mask as well so it rlly sold the effect

•started yelling sharp insults and degrading the guys as much as possible

•”you want to talk to my girlfriend like that? huh? talking to her with that house pet tag? Who do you think you are?!”

•ryota had to hold her back while Ririka silently handed you a handkerchief

•Mary was very upset for the rest of the day, not at you, but just evidently ticked off

•”hey Mary?” She kinda just blinked at you and sighed, still very moody.

•”what?”

•”I love you.”

•took her a second to process that

•nearly had a stroke

•her brain cell was bouncing around her head as she looked at you, her expression softening.

•holy shit you were adorable

•”I love you more.”

#kakegurui #mary saotome #kakegurui x reader #mary saotome x reader #i love her so much!

436 notes · View notes

escher-room-with-a-view · 3 years

Text

elaborating on my autism headcanons!!

- sarah -

her special interests are usually between one and three. once she develops a special interest, it stays with her for years; in fact, some of her interests, like reading and writing, have been with her for as long as she can remember. her other special interests are theatre and arts and crafts; the latter is quite a broad category, but it includes things like sewing, felting, embroidery, watercolor painting, book binding, and making collages. sarah delves further into her interests the more they’re encouraged, but she also uses them as coping mechanisms to feel better about or distract herself from the real world around her. in the cases of acting and crafts, she uses these to express how she feels, whereas reading and writing are used more as forms of escapism. her favorite genre of literature is fantasy, though she doesn’t mind any particular fantasy subgenres and is willing to broaden her knowledge of the genre by reading most of them. meanwhile, she isn’t anywhere near as selective when it comes to theatre. so long as there’s a soundtrack and cast that resonates with her, she doesn’t care if it’s opera or ballet, tragedy or comedy, contemporary or dating back thousands of years. indeed, she doesn’t ever feel like her knowledge of theatre is complete—and while it feels unattainable, she’d like to develop at least a cursory knowledge of every play there is.

sarah stims by talking to herself, chewing on her lips or hair, pacing, doing needlework, doodling, and absentmindedly writing. she also has echolalia, repeating the same word or phrase to herself either out loud or in her head; certain phrases can get stuck in her head for weeks on end. she’s rather quiet when she talks to herself—in fact, most of the time, she just whispers or mutters. furthermore, when pacing, she walks in circles or back and forth. she doesn’t use stim toys very much because they don’t appeal to her, though she does like the idea of making her own stim toys and other objects, such as slime or reversibles.

her relationship with routine is complicated. on the one hand, she doesn’t take change well and has difficulty adapting to new situations, especially those that are unfamiliar and stressful. this means that, to some extent, she prefers it when things stay the same. however, this is more of a general status quo sort of sameness that she likes to maintain. on a smaller level, she’s easily bored by sameness and likes it when at least one novel or interesting thing happens each day. for instance, if sarah has gone to the same school her entire life, she’s going to be upset—even devastated—if circumstances force her to change schools without any sort of preparation or warning. however, if her commute to the school every day is identical, she’ll grow bored of it easily and may one day consider taking a different path there just to see what happens.

sarah tends to struggle with eye contact and, on the rare occasions that she wants to maintain it, has to force herself to do so. it makes her immensely uncomfortable to look someone in the eye for an extended period of time. while irene sometimes mistakes this for her not listening, sarah is trying to explain that it’s not something within her control.

she is hyposensitive to (and indeed fascinated with) colors and lights. however, loud noises bother her and can be painful for her. sarah also prefers not to be touched unless she initiates the contact first. being touched without her permission startles her and makes her immensely uncomfortable, as does being surrounded or cornered; all of these can easily overwhelm her in the right circumstances. she hates haunted houses for this exact reason. her hyposensitivity also extends to texture and physical sensations, albeit not in the same way; rather than being obsessed with or actively seeking out sensations and textures, sarah is so hyposensitive to both of them that she sometimes doesn’t even notice sensory input unless it’s excruciatingly painful or needs constant adjusting. her senses of taste and smell are neither above nor below what’s considered average, though she has a preference for sweets, white meat, and anything crunchy.

something else that she and jareth have in common is the fact that their living spaces, specifically their rooms, both have to be organized in a very specific way. any alterations in this organization are bothersome and overwhelming to the both of them; this includes rearranging or removing objects, changing the location of the room entirely, or changes in things like how much light or air the room receives.

- jareth -

he tends to have a lot of special interests at a time, and they change often. his current ones are architecture, illusions, astronomy, fashion, humans/anthropology/sociology, various pseudosciences, and surrealist art. however, in the past he’s been interested in ornithology, geology, romanticism in art and literature, the labyrinth’s prehistory, wordplay and rhetorical/literary devices, cats, different types of governments, letter writing, collecting trinkets and antiques, choreography, and many, many more. living for such a long time has provided him with the opportunity to both develop and engage in a wide variety of passions. in fact, some of these past special interests still remain with him today and simply aren’t considered his “main” ones anymore because they’re not as strong.

his favorite pseudosciences are graphology, phrenology, and astrology. he also likes to try and determine the future via methods like alectromancy, astromancy, augury, scrying, and lithomancy.

he stims using crystals/via contact juggling. this is usually when he’s understimulated, absentminded, or just needs something to occupy himself with. it’s also enjoyable to him. he has other ways of stimming, though, many of which are meant to self-soothe. for instance, feeling nervous or excited might drive him to shake one leg or hand; he also feels compelled to chew on things in such instances. when overwhelmed, he scratches his arms as one would if they had an itch. jareth is trying to stop doing this and is thus looking for alternatives. he views stim toys as some of humanity’s greatest inventions. if he lived aboveground, i imagine he’d have different versions of the same stim toys for different purposes: neutral colors when he needs to prevent overstimulation, bright colors when he’s just stimming because it makes him happy.

he doesn’t mind loud noises, but he is sensitive to bright lights and colors. in fact, he’s so nonchalant toward noise that, when he listens to music, he likes for it to be as loud as possible. in his mind, good music is never quite loud enough. there are certain textures and tastes he doesn’t like, which drives him to be very selective with what he wears and what he eats. with regards to clothing, he likes silk and leather but can’t stand wool, denim, anything baggy or distressed, or velvet. because he conducts magic through his hands, he has sensitive palms; his gloves allow him to touch things without being bothered by them, while also allowing him to use magic undeterred. he’s especially sensitive around food, preferring things that are bland or savory and refusing to eat anything with a consistency that’s too soft. for instance, he finds eggs revolting in most forms.

without a routine, jareth tends to become dejected or burnt out. unfortunately, though, his frequent executive dysfunction makes it difficult for him to plan out and adhere to routines without frequent reminders—which, when they come in the form of goblins, usually annoy him more than anything else. this is why he hasn’t had a proper schedule in years. it’s a bit of a vicious cycle; his unhappiness has led to a lack of motivation, and his difficulty creating something he can stick to has made him even more unhappy. he works best with clear, written instructions that are placed where he can see them. he especially needs specific times to eat and sleep; without them, irritability and physical discomfort set in. in the event that he does have a routine, changes that might seem small to others are often nerve-racking to him.

though he sometimes uses eye contact and close proximity to others to intimidate, he genuinely feels uncomfortable without eye contact and has difficulty remembering to mind others’ personal space most of the time. he can be quite touchy-feely when he cares about someone—even platonically—and isn’t afraid of showing it, but he doesn’t really know when or if to back off unless explicitly told to.

- didymus -

when it comes to special interests, he and sarah have a lot in common. they both love drama and literature; however, didymus has a particular interest in folklore, both that of humans and that of the labyrinth. he only has two special interests: literature (including plays) and history. both of these influenced his desire to become a knight and continue to influence his behavior, as he seeks to emulate the idea of a noble and valiant knight to a T. he has some difficulty responding appropriately to or understanding various social cues. as a result, he spends most of his nights and some of his mornings scripting out how his day is going to go: how he’s going to speak to other people, how they might respond to him, and how he’s going to respond to their responses. whenever didymus makes a new friend, he puts effort into studying their mannerisms and personality so he can adequately pinpoint how they might behave toward him and thus figure out how he’s going to interact with them. furthermore, he speaks and acts like a gallant knight from a fairytale or play because of his constant reading. his consumption of literature provides him with a consistent model of behavior that’s bound by a set of rules, unlike the behavior of people in the real world—which can often be unpredictable, and whose rules are less coherent. as a result, didymus believes that emulating the kinds of characters he admires will make others admire him in turn, and make him easier to understand.

his favorite earth authors are william shakespeare, miguel de cervantes, and alexandre dumas. he is also especially fond of arthurian legend and various human mythologies, such as norse, celtic, and japanese.

one of his favorite ways to stim is by chasing or wagging his tail. he also stims by absentmindedly practicing swordfighting moves with his cane, scratching behind his ear with a hind paw, pacing, and talking to himself. pacing is the only one out of all of these that doesn’t lift his spirits; rather, he does it when he’s thinking because it helps his ideas flow. didymus is most inclined to chase his tail or scratch his ears when he’s bored, practice his parries when excited, and talk to himself when he’s overwhelmed. in the last case, this is often combined with pacing; together, both stims provide a good release for emotions he has difficulty expressing otherwise. when didymus talks to himself, he is unlike sarah in that he doesn’t do so quietly. his volume remains the same as it usually is in a conversation; when he grows passionate, it raises accordingly. sarah introduced him to stim toys; his favorite ones are the ones that make noise, whether they click or woosh or do something else. he also uses dog toys as substitutes and enjoys the ones that squeak, though he has to keep his own set somewhere where ambrosius won’t find it.

his strongest sense by far is his sense of smell; it isn’t necessarily a lot of scents at once that can be upsetting for him, but rather scents that he finds unpleasant. these include sharp or chemical smells such as vinegar, ammonia, spices, perfume, citrus, alcohol, cleaning products, and herbs. aside from these, there aren’t any smells he can confidently say he doesn’t like. he also has hypersensitive hearing and prefers soft classical music, hymns and chants, or music that dates back thousands of years. he hates the sound of bells chiming, loud drums, or thunder; the last of these especially bothers him, though he would never admit it. he was once bothered by the sound of metal objects clanging together when he was a kit, but he appears to have outgrown that in particular. he has poor color vision, as do most canines, so bright colors don’t affect him at all. he finds flashing lights mildly frightening in some cases and annoying in others.

to didymus, routine is the thief of joy. he craves adventure every day and hates when things are the exact same; even having to do the same task in the same way as he did the day before, for instance, is enough to bore him out of his skull. as a result, he likes to mix up how he does things by placing his daily activities in different orders, doing them with his friends, or replacing some activities with others entirely. for instance, he, hoggle, and ludo take turns with household chores—not only so that they can share responsibilities, but so that didymus can have time to go off and pursue his knightly dreams. much of the time, his friends are willing to accompany him on his adventures so long as he’s able to keep them safe—and so long as they can be home by dinner.

he doesn’t really like eye contact, but he tries to maintain it because he thinks doing so is respectful. he does see one perk to his small stature; he’s too short to meet eyes with most people, so his lack of eye contact usually isn’t judged. it wouldn’t be either way because almost everyone in the labyrinth either is ND or knows someone who is ND, but he really does want to maintain eye contact because the books he reads make him think that it’s the proper thing to do. his friends are trying to convince him that he doesn’t need to make eye contact if it makes him uncomfortable; however, because he seems to believe that it’s a rule, he has difficulty convincing himself not to follow it. in fact, didymus is very much inclined to follow the rules that are provided to him and becomes anxious when encouraged or required to break them. without clear rules, the world becomes nonsensical and unpredictable—and therefore upsetting—to him. it was his idea to propose a set of rules for his friends’ home; they accepted and have worked together to write them down so that guests know how to behave.

he gets along really well with the wiseman; despite his typical impatience, didymus is one of few people who actually have the patience to listen to the wiseman. in fact, didymus isn’t just patient with him; his ramblings actively intrigue didymus, and whenever he has the opportunity he makes his contributions as big as he possibly can. didymus really appreciates it when his friends let him infodump, and he figures it’s only fair that he should let others do the same. in fact, didymus also places a lot of value on fairness; it’s the whole reason he opposes jareth in the first place.

#labyrinth #labyrinth headcanon #long post #sarah williams #jareth #jareth the goblin king #didymus #autism headcanon #autistic headcanon #neurodivergent headcanon #nd headcanon

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