What’s helped me so much on my healing journey and I still have to remind myself, is that whatever mistake, trauma, or incident we go through in life we don’t have to see ourselves from that point of view. Yes it happened and it hurt really bad. But what we can do now is to find ways to prevent this from happening again, what did it teach me and how can I validate my feelings in a healthy way so that I can let it go and not hold onto it for dear life. These 3D things are not permanent no matter what hostile situation you are in. You can always look to your higher self for guidance through these hard times. You can let go of the corrupt outlook you have on yourself or others through your situation and choose love, otherwise your choosing hate which will only continue to make things even more difficult for you as the feeling gets deeper, and then your just to a point where you don’t have a choice to do better. So maybe look at it like you can either always stay behind or you can heal. And healing is the hard part but it is so worth it in the long run and if you keep pushing you will see progress. All I really am trying to say is don’t label yourself for your experiences in life. Learn from them do better for yourself because suffering is not a happy life you even deserve to be living. What we all deserve is happiness but really it all starts with us day by day. You have to keep pushing for yourself or who will? You can build the life of your dreams and finally live in your dream world that doesn’t only have to live in your head. You can create your 5D world and leave all of the pain behind you, while still honoring your path. I love you all ❤️🥰

I can’t afford to allow anyone to break me anymore. I have a daughter I need to be whole for.

My First Batch of Raw Truths and Radical Acceptance.

Alright. I come to you with creds before I spill my life story. I grew up in the United States, in a nuclear family that was barely functioning and we didn't talk about how my mother's borderline personality disorder impacted her, her eldest daughter (me), and every single codependent relationship she'd unknowingly cultivate in her life. It wasn't her fault. I'll get into the healing of that severe generational trauma in a bit. But for as long as I can remember, my mother has been by Monster.

What I can share with you is that I've been reading books like I Hate You Don't Leave Me and Stop Walking on Eggshells ever since they hit the shelf - before I had any clue that I was born to be my mother's daughter and to experience this crazy beautiful life for a purpose I'm still trying to define. I armed myself with knowledge, defense mechanisms, coping mechanisms for when those defensive ones failed me, and I also armed myself with an insane amount of empathy - which wasn't suggested in any of the books or any of the psychiatrists who tried to help me understand the SHAME, anxiety, constant fear of unworthiness, and my inability to "fix" my mother so she could truly experience peace.

That wasn't in the books I read. But I found, through empathy and forgiveness - my mother's unhealed trauma was her ghost. She might've been my Monster, but she had her ghosts that even now I struggle to help her escape from; out of fear that her exploring her own trauma narrative just might not be a safe or therapeutic journey for her to embark on.

Yes, I read all the books. I even followed a local doctor's research on how a borderline mother's relationship with her daughter transcends unbelievable levels. What I wasn't ready for? My own diagnosis of borderline personality until May of this year.

My reaction? I'm embarrassed to say that my gut reaction was a cowardly one; my illness told me that the only way to handle this diagnosis was to commit suicide. I did not want to be anyone's Monster. I only wanted to protect anyone I loved and I felt the responsibility to warn anyone who may someday love me that they'd be better safer without me in their life. I now know that was my illness telling me that about myself. I've been to 17 hospitals over the last year and filled countless journals with real-time feelings, thoughts, behaviors, and raw human emotion that I'd be petrified to share with anyone I know personally.

Truth is, I don't know what my life is worth. I am figuring that out now, diligently and with the intention to save my own life. Because I do NOW understand that taking my own life to protect those I love would not have been logical. And it seems pretty damn selfish to me, even though it was so tempting because the pain I feel transcends emotions and thoughts; I have chronic physical manifestations of this pain, but let me tell you what I'm doing to try and save my own life.

I checked out every single book in my city library system on borderline personality disorder, found a rare DBT program with women who are like me, and I have stepped into a level of self-awareness to where I will not allow myself to become a monster. I may be in complete emotional and mental crisis, but I made a commitment to keep my shit together when it feels impossible. And THAT, my amigos, is a full time job that is FAR more rewarding than any 6 figure career I've ever found myself in. I try to say this without guilt, because I am taking care of ME, but my days consist of gratitude, prayer, yoga, meditation, time with my higher powers, self care, and reintroducing things into my life that I deprived myself of because I was punishing myself for my illness for way too long.

Where do I go from here? Forward. But don't worry. I'll keep you posted. And as I make sense of the dozens of journals that I kept growing up, I will share those with you too. Because THIS woman will not be defined by a personality disorder. This woman will be defined by her resilience, humility, grace, perseverance, open-heartedness, raw vulnerability, regard for the lives of humans and insects, and her ability to look in the karmic mirror that the universe gifted me. And I can see the beautiful pieces and I can see the broken pieces. And I know what to do about it. THAT is empowering.

I don't know you. Or your struggles. But you, reading this, are worthy of a beautiful life, things that spark joy in your soul, self-forgiveness, LOVE, and endless opportunities to refine your beliefs and values firsthand - and to make sure you incorporate them into your life because what else are we living for?

I love you. Stay strong. Peace comes from within - if you're struggling, congrats - you're human. I will continue to share my narrative if for no other reason than the catharsis of typing out my truths. If you ever feel alone - don't ever hesitate to reach out. I'm here. I'm human. We'll make it thru this together.

One love. -Steph

not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

The math just adds up!

the barbenheimer experience i had was so funny i saw oppenheimer first and in a quiet scene we could literally hear ken singing in the theater next to us and then during barbie it when was quiet we could hear a fucking explosion coming from the oppenheimer screening

cant tell you how bad it feels to constantly tell other artists to come to tumblr, because its the last good website that isn't fucked up by spoonfeeding algorithms and AI bullshit and isn't based around meaningless likes

just to watch that all fall apart in the last year or so and especially the last two weeks

there's nowhere good to go anymore for artists.

edit - a lot of people are saying the tags are important so actually, you'll look at my tags.

#please dont delete your accounts because of the AI crap. your art deserves more than being lost like that #if you have a good PC please glaze or nightshade it. if you dont or it doesnt work with your style (like mine) please start watermarking #use a plain-ish font. make it your username. if people can't google what your watermark says and find ur account its not a good watermark #it needs to be central in the image - NOT on the canvas edges - and put it in multiple places if you are compelled #please dont stop posting your art because of this shit. we just have to hope regulations will come slamming down on these shitheads#in the next year or two and you want to have accounts to come back to. the world Needs real art #if we all leave that just makes more room for these scam artists to fill in with their soulless recycled garbage #improvise adapt overcome. it sucks but it is what it is for the moment. safeguard yourself as best you can without making #years of art from thousands of artists lost media. the digital world and art is too temporary to hastily click a Delete button out of spite

they are Cancelling me for dealing with my grief as best i can . also for the vicious war Crimes

"writers deserve attention more than actors" literally only 2% of actors can pay the bills with acting. For every megastar on screen there are a dozen other people in the shot who are SAG. Acting gets so glamorized but there are SO MANY people in SAG who NEED residuals to live on. Background Party Girl #4 needs her check too!!!! There are people who play recurring characters on syndicated shows who cant afford health insurance!!! Ke Huy Quan gave an oscar winning performance and LOST HIS HEALTH INSURANCE the next year.

considering how many transmascs were legitimately way angrier BEFORE starting T and have since calmed down significantly have we perhaps considered that maybe the reason so many cis dudes are angry and aggressive isn't because of testosterone but maybe. like. personal issues. unmet needs. a social climate that teaches them that there are only like three acceptable emotional outlets for men max and one of them is being angry and shouting

yeah they dropped a new love language. yeah a sixth one. its biting

saw a poll about whether you prefer corruption or redemption arcs and i realized that for me it's not really either, it's a distillation arc: when a character becomes the most intense version of what they could be, everything inessential falling away or being discarded so that only the core remains.