#it may reflect the dissonance as well
Text
PAC: What's Your Planet Archetype?
This reading includes:
your planet archetype
how it affects the way others perceive you
The extended reading includes:
your aesthetic
the best way to work with this planet archetype
a mini-playlist that captures your vibe
Disclaimer: this is just for entertainment purposes, and as a pick-a-card reading it may not resonate for everyone.
TIPS | BOOK A READING WITH ME | PATREON | LINKTREE | SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC
Pile 1
Ace of Cups, Six of Pentacles, Coming of Winter
"It comes in lullabies deep within your mirrored flesh. Alas, it is time to lay your quivering chest upon the winter's coming."
Moon
Pile 1 your planet archetype is the Moon. In astrology the Moon represents our inner world, that which is hidden, but also comes to the surface in the shape of feelings and emotions. Those who are ruled by the Moon tend to be highly emotional, empathetic and artistic. All of these qualities are shown in your cards here. The Ace of Cups is the overflow of emotion that you feel, even by just watching a film. You feel deeply and sometimes that creates a dissonance with the people around you, as they don't understand things on the same emotional level that you do. This also makes you very intuitive. You are capable of picking up on a lot of information from subtle cues. You might be able to finish other people's sentences or to pick up on things and feelings that they haven't revealed.
Most likely you are more of an introvert, as your inner world is richer than the outer world. You don't get bored easily, because your imagination is incredibly rich. It's easy to create a story in your mind and to feel it deeply. You're also a really good listener. People might have a tendency of just opening up to you, even if they hadn't intended to do so. There's just something about you that makes them feel heard and understood. I also get the feeling that a lot of you also act a bit as therapists or psychoanalysts for yourselves and for friends. You listen to your friends and help them to work through their feelings, thoughts or problems.
How it affects how others perceive you
The first thing I'm getting is that you have a lovely voice, pile 1. People enjoy hearing you talk and you might also like to sing as well. I also get the feeling that people see you as someone who is wise beyond their years, but also as someone who tends to be fair. They know that they can come to you to help mediate a problem, because you'll be kind, but fair at the same time.
Some people see you as being closed off and sometimes even a little bit pretentious. They think that you're faking your sensitivity to get attention. This doesn't reflect the way most people see you though. In general, you're seen as someone who is very empathetic and compassionate. I get the feeling that most people think that you're vegetarian/vegan or that you care a lot about protecting animals. Also, you're seen as someone who "will turn the other cheek". They think that you're more inclined to forgive and forget, rather than to confront someone.
Some people might be a bit wary of approaching you, because they think that you won't be interested in them. Sometimes it seems that you are too deep for others to understand. But, there's also a vibe of mystery and a sharpness in your eyes that makes you very interesting. I also think that you give the vibe of being into spirituality or being very intuitive. Which can be a bit off-putting for some, and attractive to others.
Physical characteristics will be different for everyone of course, but I think that most of you have very intense eyes. It's the type of eyes that it feels like you're staring right into someone's soul. I think that some people are even intimidated about this, because it feels like you're jugdging them. It's like you'll know if they're lying - at least that's their perception.
Pile 2
Ten of Wands, Three of Wands, The Veil
"It's quite possible your eyes have become the fog in which you dwell. A half-swallowed glimpse of all that you truly are or can be, that the tears you bleed are ready for the storms to turn the skies inward."
Pluto
Pile 2 your archetype is Pluto. This is one of the dark planets, it deals with power, destruction and transformation. Scorpio is a zodiac sign that has a similar energy to this planet. You're not scared of change, in fact, I think that you crave it. You're constantly evolving, changing and transforming yourself - I don't think that you have a final shape in mind, it's transformation for its own sake. You remind me of the Ouroboros actually. The snake that eats itself.
Your energy is dark, thick and mysterious. You share some similarities with pile 1, in the sense that you're both very intuitive, mysterious and deep. However, while pile 1 is deep in an emotional sense, you're deep in a more mental sense. What I mean by this is that you are more cerebral. You like to explore what is hidden and taboo. You like to explore topics such as sex, addiction, death, philosophical topics like why are we here, is god real, that sort of thing. You're not really into small talk, and you might start a conversation with a topic that is too deep. As you like to explore what is hidden some of you might have a tendency to try to figure out mysteries. This may mean that you like reading/watching murder mysteries or that you indulge in conspiracy theories. Some of you also like to talk (and act!) about topics that make people uncomfortable like politics and activism.
Something that can't go unmentioned is your interest in the occult. For your oracle card you even got The Veil. You see more than people realize and I mean this in two ways: you might have some sort of psychic powers, or it's just your ability to pick up information that hasn't been revealed. I think that you're quite prone to lightbulb moments, where you suddenly have big epiphanies.
How it affects how others perceive you
Do you know that dark feminine aesthetic that is so trendy right now? This is that exact vibe. Others see you almost like a vampire, something that is dark, mysterious and alluring, with just a hint of dangerous. Even if you're not conventionally beautiful people are attracted to you. It's the way you walk, talk and present yourself. The cool thing here is that this isn't really intentional on your part. Sure, you can amp it up if you want to, but it's just the way that you are naturally.
As we talked about in the previous section you love talking about deep and taboo topics, because of this some people perceive you a bit negatively. They might see you as a contrarian or edgy, it's like you're just talking about these things to rile people up or to be different (this is how they view it, not necessarily how it truly is). Others think that talking with you can be a bit dangerous because you never know what might come up and they may be refuse to engage in certain topics. Other people are put off by the way you eschew cultural norms and just start talking about these taboo topics. While some see this in a negative light, there are also people who admire the way you can just say what you think and bring up these topics without fear. It makes them a little braver themselves.
You might be seen as someone who is very sexual or sensual, or even as someone who is sexually liberated just because you don't conform to the way things have been up until now. This may attract weird people or stalkers. People also see you as someone who works hard, but tends to take on more than what they can chew. Most people think that you're going to go far in life and that you have the potential to be very successful. However, they don't see you being the center of attention.
Pile 3
Three of Pentacles, Hierophant, The Underworld
"Hand over your known, a shift is near. Take a leap, your journey is clear."
Saturn
Pile 3 your planet archetype is Saturn. In astrology this is the planet of time, restriction, order and growth. This isn't an easy planet to deal with, and often it's guilty of presenting us with our most difficult challenges. This shows me that you have already been through a lot, everything that you have achieved has been through blood, sweat and tears. But, it also shows me that you don't shy away from a challenge. You're a strong person, because life has made you so. In your place a lot of people would break.
The Hierophant is a great card to show this Saturn energy as it embodies hierarchy and power struggles. You're someone who doesn't really like change and appreciates the way our society it's constructed. Sure, it has flaws, but it doesn't mean that it's a bad system. With Saturn being your planet archetype you understand that there's a reason for the existence of hierarchies and that power can only be achieved through a combination of effort and experience.
You work really hard, pile 3. You know what you want and how to make it happen, but it doesn't mean that the road to get there is easy. You also know how to work together with others and see the value in cooperation and community. I feel like you're someone who is very active in their community - you might even do some activism work for the betterment of your community. You enjoy taking care of others, and a lot of you are the Mom friend of your respective groups. I also get the feeling that a lot of you are the eldest sibling or, the older daughter.
How it affects how others perceive you
Others see you as someone who tends to stick by the rules and who doesn't think too much outside the box. If things have always worked this way why should you try a new way and waste time and resources? This how others see you. To them you are very non-nonsense. To some people you might come off as someone who is all work and no play.
Most people see you as being very ambitious and someone who will definitely reach high places. People think that you are very respectful and know how to conduct yourself in different places - like adjusting your posture and language in the group you're in. In general, you're seen as being a good communicator and I think that a lot of you have deeper voices. You seem to talk a little bit slower and with good diction. Also, sometimes the way you talk is almost like someone who is giving a speech (in a good way).
When it comes to seduction, people see you as someone who is very classy and most definitely out of their league. Your standards are super high and people think that they would never be good enough for you. Your flirting style is subtle and again, quite classy, a bit old-fashioned even. People expect that you will want to be romanced (if you're a woman) or taking the initiative and do the romancing (if you're a man).
Most people see you as being very traditional, even when it comes to politics and gender roles (again this is just their perspective and not the objective truth). I also get the vibe that some people think that you are very closed off and that they don't get to see the real you, just the persona that you're projecting.
Pile 4
Chariot, Eight of Pentacles, Crystals and Herbs
"Oh what medicine, what sacredness to behold. A dash of healing straight from Mother's home."
Mars
Pile 4, your planet archetype is Mars. Mars is the fiery planet of conflict, passion and drive. Something that I get right away is that you might be very into sports or dance, or that you move in a very graceful way. You're a go getter, pile 4. Differently from pile 3, you're not someone who wants to achieve things for status, but because you love the thrill of going after something. You are passionate and very outspoken. You have strong beliefs and you don't shy away from stating them. I get the vibe that most of you talk quite loudly.
This is a very specific vibe, but I think that most of you prefer to interact with physical things rather than technology. Basically the embodiment of "go touch some grass". You like arguing and play-fighting with your friends. You tend to have touch as love language, rather than talking about your feelings. When it comes to emotions I think that they can be very big and explosive almost.
I also get the vibe that most of you talk quite quickly as well, and sometimes it might be hard for other people to keep up with what you're saying. You're full of enthusiasm most of the time and tend to hype up and motivate your friends when you feel they need an extra push. When you're working on something it's easy for you to be completely focused on that and block everything out.
How it affects how others see you
Other people see you as someone who is very passionate and for some it seems that you would be quick to anger. They tend to see you as being impulsive and someone who acts without thinking. It's interesting because I think that a lot of people tend to underestimate you for some reason. It's like they think that what they see is what they'll get and that you don't have much depth beyond that.
You're also seen as someone who is very driven and very active. People think that you're always doing something and always occupied. I also get the vibe that you're seen as someone who is in shape or who exercises.
When it comes to a more physical side of you I think that your facial expressions are quite intense. If you're happy or sad or confused it can be seen clearly on your face. In general you also seem to move gracefully or if that doesn't apply you move in a very distinctive way.
When it comes to sexuality and seduction people think that you'll take the initiative and just ask someone out. People also tend to think that you're very sexual (I kinda see the Spicy Latina trope here for you guys) and even a bit promiscuous. People are attracted to you and they might project that negatively onto you.
360 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry to keep bitching about frustrating rain world fandom trends, but I think if you read downpour as a pure "being alive is good, actually" metaphor with a weird dissonant twist at the end (saint's campaign), that ... reveals a shockingly surface-level reading of the story that ignores every interesting question the game poses in favor of trying to force a comfortable, one-note moral that only actually works if you ignore a significant amount of canon.
like, I'm sorry, but there's no way to in good faith pry a straight answer out of this story. I know fandom tumblr is a hotspot for disillusioned former christians, and stories about how religion isn't all it's chalked up to be are comforting for many, but this simply is not that kind of story. if that's your takeaway from it - that the world the game presents is worth sticking with, that ascension isn't the right choice - that makes sense, it's a valid personal opinion to come away with. however, to argue that the void sea endings are objectively the "bad" endings, or that saint's campaign makes no sense thematically, is to overlook a massively important reason why rain world works so well as a game in the first place: it's intended to be a choice.
saint's ascension ability is in YOUR hands. the game is asking you, the player, what you got out of this, what you think is best. it is asking you to reflect on the themes it's been trying to communicate to you for the last several dozen hours
(can you cope with a life that brings you more pain than joy? if there was another way to exist, would you choose to change? what would you give up to attempt another existence? everything? what if you're being fooled and you're chasing a terrible fate? what if powerful people are preying on your misery and it's all a scam? what is left of you when stripped of all things that cause pain? is it your true self? in a world without pain, what is even left? what if it's everything that means the most to you? what if you're going home? what if you could love without the fear of pain, loss, sickness, death? is the grand more important than the small? is it better to stick with familiar pain, or to chase something frightening that may ultimately make you happy? who can you trust to guide you? who will take advantage of you on the way there? what would get in your way? your own ego? your guilt? bitterness? love for the world you know, an ability to see beauty in the midst of tragedy? is this weakness or strength? etc etc etc don't even get me started on the commentary on religious institutions, classism, structural and familial abuse, and how this is all woven together)
like, I'm sorry, rain world is not a saturday morning cartoon trying to teach you life lessons, it's a piece of interactive fiction using game mechanics as a vehicle for some extremely interesting philosophical discussions, which it politely asks you to actively engage with as you go along. I'm sorry if that's uncomfortable to people who don't relate to those topics, but declaring bad writing on a piece of fiction for not presenting you with a clear-cut moral stance at the end that already aligns with your personal lived experience is just ... a godawful way to interact with stories.
(deliberately handwaving or ignoring major and obvious pieces of symbolism for the sake of declaring it a Good Story That Agrees With You, Actually frankly isn't much better. stop making me read analysis posts where half the story has to be a drug trip for your point to make sense)
#deerchatter#rain world#rain world analysis#yeah im putting it in the tag idc i love this game and if this can make just 1 person go back to the source material and try to#appreciate it in a new way then i'm happy. it has so much to say and i wish more people would listen#im not debating this btw <3 but feel free to ask questions ofc
335 notes
·
View notes
Text
i actually think it's pretty funny dc writing dick growing up the son of literally famous, show selling out performers that literally everyone on the planet has heard of and really kind of poor growing up actually because the latter really says a lot of what dc thinks of extremely skilled circus performers and is. a little racist & classist if you think about it. and somehow manages to reflect really poorly on both john and mary grayson and haly's circus.
because i think it's like. they take the roma retcon + itinerant lifestyle + grew up in a rv + circus folk are basically carnival workers who get paid under the table, right? and add that up to = ergo dick grayson must have been very poor growing up despite the fact that. literally everyone on the planet has heard of his super famous parents.
and i'm not just talking modern day, where everyone and their brother seems to have gone to haly's circus (or was there that night). but even in post crisis, people like bonnie's mom were casually name-dropping "oh, like the flying graysons". they were pretty casually known, actually.
like yea, in a lonely place of dying mr. haly mentions that even back then (when they had the flying graysons as an act), the circus was "barely breaking even" but also does this make sense for a circus that would sell out whenever the flying graysons performed. like there's almost a dissonance between how well the circus is always shown to be doing in it's heyday (constant selling out, employing extremely famous acrobats) vs how well they're told to be doing (barely breaking even).
and like. if it is true & they were paid poverty wages despite the fact that they were literally the extremely world-famous headlining act of the circus, then either john and mary are completely incapable of negotiating themselves a fair salary for their skills &/or mr. haly is probably exploiting them.
because like. the flying graysons being a act for haly's circus means they would have to have a contract with the circus for their pay and benefits in return for their act--even in a lonely place of dying the other performers mention their contracts with the circus. because, again, circus performers are skilled workers. so being extremely skilled acrobats who are super famous, john and mary have. a LOT of power on the negotiating table given they're the only three people on the planet that can do a quadruple somersault and other circuses are probably salivating to offer them a lot of money to work for them instead. to buy their world famous act outright would probably cost hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars to avoid paying them royalities for everytime they performed it. if their act wasn't bought outright for a lot of money then their contract probably stipulates a certain percentage of profit from the shows they sell out as the headlining act OR should be more than enough to cover their yearly expenses, food, gas for their rv, insurance, etc. in fact, they may stipulate certain stipeds for gas and food. they might stipulate the circus cover their life & disability insurance given the inherent danger of their act.
so if they're completely unaware of what they're worth and being underpaid for their skills that are literally selling out shows, then you're implying that they're completely clueless & unable to negotiate a fair price for their skills and mr. haly is taking major advantage of them and dick grayson should tell that man to kick fucking rocks.
or they're just. okay? with being completely and totally underpaid for their skills given they like mr. haly so much?
idk. the more famous dc makes the graysons, the more dissonant this actually gets. like in modern day if they're so famous why don't they also have a monetized youtube of their acts & practices with millions of views. if they're that famous and still poverty level struggling, then why were they incapable of advocating for their worth as the only 3 people who could perform a quadruple somersault. like either the circus was a niche thing that struggled a lot and they shouldn't be famous (tim drake should be their only fan) or they were extremely famous and mary and john grayson. should have probably done decently well advocating for themselves, actually.
#anyways i looked up circus salaries and. like these acts have skills. they're worth money.#the headliner isn't getting paid 15k a year#circuses aren't carnivals y'know...#idk. i don't mind dick growing up poor#but it was certainly a choice on dc's part given the skills of his parents
210 notes
·
View notes
Text
Indicators in Synastry chart that show Karmic bound or Soulmate or Twin flame!
Karmic/Past Life Indicators:
Saturn aspects between charts, suggesting lessons and responsibilities carried over from past lifetimes
Moon contacts, reflecting deep emotional ties and empathy bonded through previous incarnations
North Node conjunct Mars - this implies courageous missions undertaken together, with passions energizing your joint work to answer soul contracts.
North Node squares Venus - suggesting vulnerability has been a theme, but through cherishing each other unconditionally, developmental wounds may finally release their grip.
North Node also squares Neptune - shared illusions are being dismantled now so your true purposes can shine through to lift others' dreams as well.
Jupiter's trine indicates generous lessons learned through past committed partnerships that instilled outlook expansion.
Saturn's squares denote relationship stability challenges overcome in past to build trust where before vulnerability caused reactivity.
Uranus' dissonance represents awakening of individual needs that transformed codependency to interdependence through understanding each soul's electricity.
Chiron's opposition attests to healing wounds of abandonment through this bond by giving/receiving unconditional acceptance of one another as beloved healers.
The Part of Fortune contact connotes duties fulfilled through supporting one another's growth despite hardships faced side by side.
Soulmate Indicators:
Strong synastry involving personal planets like Venus, Mars and moon, showing intimacy on emotional, physical and intellectual levels
Aspects to Jupiter, bringing out the higher, expansive qualities of the relationship
Grand trine formation, allowing the connection to flow smoothly
Venus-Mars aspects: Trines, sextiles signify attraction, passion, compassion fueling the relationship.
Moon connections: Trines, sextiles seen to mutual Moon signs portray deep empathy, nurturing energies between partners.
Sun-Moon: Classic soulmate aspect with the Sun of one lighting up the inner being of the other.
Mercury patterns: Flowing aspects allow profound communication and intellectual understanding.
Grand water trines: Subtle, supportive emotional exchanges indicating souls long acquainted.
Grand fire trines: These energize and inspire through shared adventures, philosophies.
Grand cross with a focus: Formations symbolizing karmic purpose found together through challenges.
Multiple planets conjoining a point: Depicts strongly mirrored or complementary soul qualities.
Jupiter moon/venus touches: Foster abundance, trust and joy through good and difficult times.
Twin Flame Indicators:
Opposing charts with emphasis on polarity and balance
Planetary mirrors like Venus/Venus reflecting a profound recognition
Intense aspects between outer planets Uranus, Neptune, Pluto triggering spiritual awakening
Mirroring of Lilith placements pointing to a mission to heal ancestral wounds
North/South Node conjunction uniting your twin soul purposes
Strong Pluto aspects like conjunctions, squares: Indicates intense soul transformations experienced together.
Moon-Moon connections: Mirroring of each other's inner emotional landscapes.
Grand mutable T-squares: Formations that activate personal evolution through the relationship.
Sun-Uranus aspects: Bond awakens revolutionary qualities in each other's core identities.
Saturn-Saturn ties: Connections hinting at developing a mature spiritual partnership through difficulties.
Jupiter-Neptune: Expanding compassion and ability to creatively actualize shared spiritual visions.
Venus-Chiron: Healing each other's heart wounds through unconditional love expressed physically/creatively.
Mars-Mars: Dynamic actions challenging complacency drive evolution of passions together.
Moon-Node aspects: Deep ties to emotional life purpose resonating with soul's shared past/future.
Moon-Pluto: Intense emotional triggers that purge illusions through soul-baring intimacy.
#astro notes#zodiac signs#astrology aspects#synastry#venus#synastry overlays#astro observations#astrology blog#astro placements#astrology observations
325 notes
·
View notes
Text
Indicator for inner critic • Reviewing Natal Chart as a tool to overcome mental health
Self-sabotaging behavior
For those who engage in self-criticism, whether consciously or unconsciously, the causes can range from childhood issues to the effects of past relationships. Other reasons for this destructive behavior can include low self-esteem, coping problems, and issues related to cognitive dissonance.
E.g. constantly overthinking, excessively interpreting others' words, and being self-doubting and self-critical.
This personality type is influenced by various factors, and astrology can provide insights through the analysis of one’s birth chart.
✧ ✧ ✧
Look for planetary placements, aspects, and patterns that may indicate potential challenges or tendencies toward being self-critical.
✧ ✧ ✧
In Natal Chart
✧ Hard Aspects between Moon and other planets ( Sun / Mercury / Saturn)
Inner conflicts are undoubtedly connected to the moon, which symbolizes our emotions. When the moon is heavily influenced by challenging aspects, such as opposition or squares with Sun / Mercury / Saturn - it can result in either a state of mental confusion and disorder or a state of being tangled up and restless, accompanied by excessive self-doubt and a constant feeling of mental fatigue.
✧ Water signs stellium
When the prominent personal planets (Sun, Moon, Venus, Mercury, Mars) align in water signs, particularly Cancer and Pisces, they are hyper-sensitive.
They have a knack for delving deeper into the true meaning behind what others are saying, often interpreting different nuances from what may initially seem like a simple conversation.
Their emotions are easily affected by their surroundings, which makes their inner world very interesting. If they lean towards being introverted, they tend to avoid socializing and instead spend more time on self-criticism. This deep reflection and emotional processing have a significant impact on their overall well-being.
✧ 12th House Stellium
Similar behaviors can be observed when the personal planets fall into the 12th house. There is often a sense of vagueness, not knowing what one is thinking, lacking a strong sense of purpose, and being unsure of one's needs and preferences. They frequently isolate themselves in their own world and fear engaging with the external world.
To change this internal conflict, it is essential to learn self-acceptance, believe in oneself, and establish clear goals. It is beneficial to interact with optimistic and outgoing people and confidently express one's thoughts.
More:
✧ Hard aspect between Moon and Pluto
✧ Hard aspect between Saturn and Pluto
✧✧✧✧✧
>> Back to Masterlist | Explicit Content
/ instagram : @le.sinex / @botanicalsword
Exclusive access : Patreon
#astro community#astrology#astro posts#astro observations#astro#astrology placement#mental heath support#mental wellbeing#mental problems#positive mental attitude#astrology placements#astrotips#astrology notes#loa affirmations#loa tips#loassumption#loa tumblr#loablr#loa blog#loa success#loa#self sabotage#self help#self love#self improvement#self care#self healing#healing
83 notes
·
View notes
Text
Chapter 19: Northern Lights
Author's Note
Word count: 8.2k
Read the rest here!
Operating on autopilot, you brush your teeth while a sense of existential dread settles just under your sternum. It's heavy, asphyxiating. Today was gonna be hard. Largely because you weren’t allowed to have a hard day since it’d been Damiano that had a crisis: relapse. He needed your support and you’re pondering the extent of this responsibility when the drug test on the back of the toilet catches your eye. Somehow, you’d forgotten about it.
Negative for everything. Except marijuana, which Dami had already disclosed. Overwhelmed, you slide down to the floor with your back against the wall. You didn’t feel anything. Not relief, nor anger. Not even disappointment. Stranger than numbness was the urge to cry when your eyes won’t even tear up. Standing upright then spitting out the foamy toothpaste, you stare at your reflection. Cry. If you’re gonna do it, do it. Because after this you need to be strong. So cry. Fucking cry. The tears don’t come. Your dry eyes burn, and despite sleeping relatively well, you look drained of life force.
In the name of coping mechanisms, you devote an extra five minutes to a makeup look that always makes you feel put together and pretty. Today it comes off as clownish. The blush is too intense and the eye shadow garish. There isn’t enough time to take it off and start again so you avoid looking in the mirror and shift focus to getting dressed. One thing at a time. Pairing this mantra with caffeine will likely be the only force propelling you through today. One thing at a time still feels like more than you could handle, but not functioning wasn’t an option, either. Your chest tightens.
“Hey, goodmorning.” Damiano’s voice startles you. He typically got up around when you left for work.
“Shit! What time is it?”
“It’s 8:07, don’t worry.” Dami harshly clears his throat twice, trying to get rid of his gravelly morning voice. It's almost an accurate replication of normalcy, except he won’t look at you. Damiano begins making espresso and his eyes briefly dart in your direction.
“What do you want for breakfast?” The moment’s cognitive dissonance is truly formidable.
“I –” Obviously he was trying to make last night up to you. Should you accept? Do you even want to?
“I – no! No. You – we’re not just gonna skip to this part.” He looks so fucking wounded, a kind of woundedness that can only be achieved when you’re not expecting the pain. Only visible for a second, then he hides it. Still, you’re in agony.
“You – I need…I – don’t do that! Don’t make that fucking face at me. It’s been less than 12 hours and we were sleeping most of them. How can you reasonably expect me to have processed last night in less than 12 hours?”
“You’re right, it's not fair. I guess that I –”
“If you know it's not fair then why are you so fucking destroyed over it!? I can’t –” You stare out the window, thanking whatever cosmic entity may be that you can’t cry right now.
“I’m sorry.”
“No!” Your voice comes out high pitched and guttural in anguish. “No, don’t –” You stamp your foot. It was a childhood habit that you loathed, but still made an appearance in moments of emotionally charged exasperation.
“I’m sorry. I was just, I was just…” He trails off, staring at the floor. You stomp across the apartment and briefly strangle him in a hug. Dami is so surprised that by the time he embraces in return, you’re pulling away, keeping your gaze fixed on the chipped corner of the kitchen cabinets. Because meeting his eyes up close, even for a millisecond, might be more than you can bear. With a large step back, you attempt verbal communication.
“Don’t apologize for having an emotional reaction.”
“I’m sorry for relapsing.”
“That you can apologize for.” Next you stare at the catch all basket by the door and feel your face heat up. “I just can’t take you looking so devastated over me not wanting to play house right now.” Had you not demanded last night that he disclose the hardship of Substance Abuse Disorder to you? This morning he does so for all of two nanoseconds and you react like this.
“No, I’m sorry. I take it back.” Of what you can see out of the corner of your eye, Dami’s expression is perplexed.
“You take what back?”
“That reaction. I want to know what you’re genuinely feeling right now. I want to support you through this.” You steel yourself before meeting his eyes, but Dami is, again, intent on staring at the ground. He presses his lips together while rapidly shaking his head.
“What?”
“You shouldn’t be, ugh…” Damiano sighs heavily. In the background, the water boils audibly. He returns to his task of making espresso while crafting a sentence. One hand is braced against the counter. It's the same hand that caressed the bare skin of your stomach last night. What the fuck had you been thinking? Even while disparaging yourself, you can feel how sturdy and reassuring and loving Damiano’s body was as it lay behind you. He couldn’t have pulled you any closer without undressing. And it felt so natural.
“You shouldn’t be consoling me. I’m the only one that should be apologizing, even if you’re angry, if you yell at me, whatever. And you don’t, ugh…” Dami uses the hand not bracing to gesticulate. “Supporting me through relapse doesn’t mean not being pissed at me. I – that reaction,“ he points towards the bathroom, “was perfectly fine. It was fine. I just wasn’t sure how to acknowledge what happened and be like ‘oh, hey! Sorry I relapsed. Can I make you breakfast? Not in I’m-making-amends-through-this-gesture-and-if-you-accept-I-will-expect-it-to-count-towards-my-forgiveness kinda way, but in a I’m-up-and-want-to-do-something-nice- for-you kind of way.” You take a beat to think and settle on meeting him in the middle.
“I will take an omelet and a double, please.”
“Okay.” He sighs in relief and sort of smiles. Also inhaling deeply for the first time since probably yesterday, you return your focus to getting ready. When selecting a pair of shoes, the safe at the bottom of the closet is a reminder to give Dami back his phone and keys. The memory of the night before comes crashing down; his suicidal ideation, how tortured he was by self-hatred. You end up on all fours, studying the scratched floor of your closet while weathering this rat’s nest of emotions.
You’d let Dami back into your life knowing relapse was inevitable and deciding it was an inevitability you were prepared for. However, he’d been so even keel since coming home that it made yesterday jarring as a reality check.
“Hey, um,” he knocks on your bedroom door, tone uncertain.
“Come in.” You don’t feel short of breath until your voice comes out as such. Dami slowly opens the door, holding your plate and espresso.
“You okay?”
“Just getting your stuff out of the safe.”
“Oh.” Awkwardly, he steps out of the room and turns his back. You’re so caught up that, on the first try, you enter in the wrong code. The safe beeps abrasively and a small light at the top of the keypad flashes red. On the second try you make a point not to be frantic and get it right.
“Okay, here you go.” The metal door of the safe slams shut. Your nervous system is so fried that you jump, heartbeat skipping.
“Right.” Damiano swivels, both hands occupied with your breakfast just as both of your own hands are occupied with his belongings. In disjointed gestures you try to exchange the items before realizing it's physically impossible.
“Let's set it on the dining room table.”
“Right, yes. Good idea.” You cringe at the silence following Damiano putting the dishes down. “Um…okay, so now you will be late if you don’t leave soon, actually,” he calls from the kitchen.
“Shit!” You pull on your most well-worn pair of boots. Even scurrying around the apartment, they omit a sophisticated click each time the sole collides with the flooring. Upon making it to the door, you look back to see Dami sitting at the table and eating. In front of your empty chair is the untouched omelet and full cup of espresso he’d so tenderly made for you. The scene was reminiscent of a date night. As if he’d cooked dinner for two, then been stood up. So Damiano was left to eventually eat his meal all alone, after accepting you wouldn’t show. Cold food and wondering what he’d done wrong.
Dami isn’t reading into the moment at all. His down-turned eyes are preoccupied with his phone, but his words from last night are still fresher than a wound needing stitches. The phrase “do you a favor and throw myself off the roof” is running through your head on repeat, even when you try to direct your thoughts elsewhere. In fact, Damiano was standing almost exactly where you are now when he’d said it.
“Are you gonna be okay?” Your voice comes out frail and shaking, so much so that Dami’s head snaps up.
“Yeah, sweetheart, I’ll be fine.” Sweetheart. He misses the slip-up because he’s preoccupied by concern, setting his fork down to examine you. “I’m just gonna treat it like any other day: eat this, work out, go to treatment.” Unable to feel your face, but aware that this is an appropriate time to nod, you consciously perform the gesture. “I mean, obviously, I don’t feel good right now, but I’ll be okay. A lot of rehab was focused on getting back on the wagon, so to speak.”
“‘Kay.”
“Like, I hate myself right now, but I’m not gonna throw my sobriety away and go on a bender or something. Because I know that ultimately I’ll end up feeling so much shittier. Try not to worry.” He smiles in good humor: knowing, gentle, calm. “I’m sure you will anyways, but you don’t need to.” The difference in Damiano’s temperament since devoting himself to treatment is suddenly so evident. His chest isn’t puffed out with bravado, speaking from the perspective that he’s less fallible than your typical mortal. He’s not manic, you realize.
“You’re sure?” Dami’s conciliatory expression is brimming with empathy.
“Yes, my love,” he placates, then catches himself. “Erm – y/n, sorry. Basically, I…I’ve examined my behavior a lot. Not just in the sense of hurting people, but also – I’m totally springing this on you, so I’ll skip to the point. As a person, I am done behaving that way, okay? So you’ll go to work; I’ll go to therapy where they’ll probably treat me like a pipe bomb. Then we’ll complain about how shitty our days were while eating takeout.” After the alarming way he’d spoken last night, it was a relief to hear Damiano genuinely sound like himself. The steady, resilient version of himself that predated addiction and the omnipresent hysteria.
You’d been holding out for it, gazing into the sky every night as if searching for the Northern Lights. Damiano acting like the man you fell in love with again – despite the incognizance with which he did so – was worthy of exactly this display. Opulent shades of violet and greens so electric they become yellow hurtling across a midnight canvas with the abandon of a child first learning to dance.
“Are you okay?” You’re about to say yes, out of habit, then realize that you could choose honesty over politeness and admit that the answer is no. But what’s the result? Being late for work and, in the process, interrupting Damiano’s routine. He needed the control and predictability his schedule offered, now more than ever. Allowing him to expend even an ounce of this precious resilience on comforting you was downright irresponsible. Dangerous, even, because you had no idea how much tranquility the day’s events would require.
But it wasn’t that simple. Concealing your emotions had previously fueled communication failures which contributed to breaking up. Logically, mending things meant doing the opposite. Damiano’s simple question left you to choose between his sobriety and your relationship. The choice was obvious. You’d made it before. It was the exact choice presented to you at the time of the breakup. An event from which you feel so far removed, that it might have happened in a past life. Simultaneously, in this moment, the pain is fresh enough to sting, as if it was merely yesterday that your heart was mercilessly cleaved in two. You want to scream, out loud, how the fuck did we end up here again?
“Y/n?” He cocks his head then his eyebrows furrow. You remind yourself that Damiao is not your boyfriend. You cannot expect him to provide the level of comfort and support a primary partner would. If you needed it, then too fucking bad, you’d have to get it elsewhere. This was a decision you made, a boundary you’d set. Because a stronger version of the fragile girl quivering by the front door knew that Damiano solely focusing on his own wellbeing was necessary for his sobriety. So you try to pull it together and decide on reaching out to Sam during lunch break. They had the wisdom of someone twice their age with the inner serenity to match.
“Hey.” Damiano stands upright, rounding the corner of the table. The sound of the chair legs against the floor makes you flinch, breaking your train of thought. Holding a hand out, you stop Dami from approaching.
“I feel guilty for not having time to eat the breakfast that you made me. I really don’t want to start out today with you feeling rejected or lonely and end up reaching for substances to cope.”
“I don’t feel rejected and just the thought of liquor makes me nauseous, right now.”
“Liquor…you know liquor isn’t the only thing I’m worried about.”
“Well, frankly, the other stuff is a lot harder to get, especially if you’re not willing to poison yourself. It's also fucking expensive in Rome, so I’d have to be carrying around a fuck ton of cash and look." Damiano picks his wallet up from the table and opens it. The only currency that falls out are some coins and a two dollar bill Victoria gave him for good luck. “The fuck am I gonna get with this?” He holds it up, almost grinning until he examines your features and realizes that this has been the opposite of reassuring. Dami immediately picks up on turmoil brewing beneath the surface, but little does he know that it’s more like a cataclysm.
“You’re thinking about it.” It's a struggle to force the words out, like your body doesn’t want them to be true.
“Last night I was, yeah.” He admits it quietly, but his whole demeanor changes. Dami felt triumphant a moment ago, for not using drugs, not giving himself the means to acquire drugs. Instead of validating his achievement, you’d disregarded his triumph and replaced it with a profound feeling of defeat. It was quite literally the worst thing you could have done.
“And I know it – that I, um…” Dami sighs, nervously switching his weight back forth. “God damn it. So last night was one of my lowest moments and I really, really fucking wish you weren’t there to see it because it's not representative of who I am or how I feel. What I – baby, those were just thoughts. They were just thoughts, I promise.” His voice is so fond that your heart hurts. “I don’t ever plan on acting on them. I’m not gonna hurt myself. I know I really scared you when I said –”
“Mm mm!” You gesture for him to stop talking while squeezing your eyes shut and turning away. The urge to cry creates pressure in your throat, but the tears won’t come. So it feels like you might choke or be sick.
“Take a deep breath,” Damiano coaches after falling silent for a moment. You comply, grounding yourself via powerful inhales through your nose, exhaling out of your mouth. It was adjacent to a breathing technique you’d learned in yoga. The feeling mostly passes.
“Okay. I can’t talk about this right now.”
“Of course.”
“I want to talk about it. I will talk about it. I just need…”
“Time to process.” He finishes your thought after observing several seconds of you staring at the ceiling, searching for the right words.
“Yes. All I want in the entire world right now is for you to focus on yourself. Get stable, do things that make you happy. Don’t worry about me.”
“...okay.” Damiano scrunches his nose up while slowly turning away, as if he’s biting back the words he’d like to say.
“Okay.” You pick up your keys and double check that you haven’t forgotten your phone. “So, I’ll see you –”
“I am worried. About you, I am worried.” The silence hangs over your heads like a noose. “You’ve got so much going on internally that I can’t read you. We’ve been together for so long that it’s really unsettling.” You’re at a loss for how to respond. “You used to be so forthright with me. Like absolutely transparent until…until things started going downhill.” Dami shoves his hands in his pockets, shoulders raised in a defensive gesture. “And I want to take things at your speed. I want to fucking – to be transparent with you. But you, you…” He sighs heavily and relaxes, turning his gaze towards the window where morning light is seeping in.
“What?”
“I know we said we would wait until things weren’t so in flux, which –” he laughs bitterly.. “Which, god damn, I somehow made worse last night.” Damiano’s eyes return to the floor, where the big toe of his right foot is nervously tracing the seams. “I think, for my sanity, we need to look at the R.A.S. again and really talk.” R.A.S. is an abbreviation for what has been dubbed the Relationship Anarchist Smorgosboard – essentially a map of all possible relationship components. Often, polyamorous folks – yourselves included – used it as a tool to precisely define everyone’s desires and expectations. For you and Dami, the topic of non-monogamy actually resulted from discussions about relationship anarchy. So the request isn’t the issue. It's productive and healthy, even considering the metric ton of emotional labor. The strain with which Dami says “for my sanity” however, makes you nervous.
“Yeah, okay, uh…”
“Fuck me,” he groans, rubbing his face harshly. “Maybe I don’t wanna do this now. After yesterday I – you’re not gonna – I just destroyed all fucking progress!”
“I, I…I don’t know how I feel, Damia. But, obviously we don’t have to have this big heavy talk if you’re not ready for it.”
“That's not what I’m saying,” he snaps. Your left hand starts to shake at the agitation in his voice. If he gets upset, it’ll interrupt the routine keeping him intact. What will he use to deescalate then?
“Have you taken your meds?”
“Y/n, I –” Dami’s tone is venomous and biting, but he stops himself from lashing out mid-sentence. He goes into the bathroom and takes his lithium, hands gripping onto the edge of the counter as he swallows painfully. He takes a second to manage his anger, meaning that exactly what you were trying to avoid is happening. He’s burning through that precious resilience for your sake. Each second that you watch the sharp outline of his clenched jaw, you wonder if this was the moment that Damiano dips into reserves that he needed for later in the day.
What if he drinks again? Or worse, uses coke? Heroin? What if he goes on a bender then we don’t talk again for three months? What if he OD’s and permanently damages himself? What if he dies? It will be my fault. What if the resilience that could have prevented it is being used up this very second, right before my eyes? What if I’m signing his death sentence with my mere presence?
“The reason I want to renegotiate isn’t really because I need to renegotiate.” Damiano speaks while still standing in the bathroom. Out of something adjacent to survival instincts, your mind has plunged you into disassociation. He may sound steadfast, but his voice barely cuts through the mental fog.
“It’s more that I want to clarify exactly where the boundaries are. So I know what I can ask because…” Dami pauses to rinse his face. The sound of water landing on the porcelain is eerily distorted from the disassociation. “Sometimes we are so connected. Like last night, not just when we were cuddling, but when you were genuinely pissed at me. I could feel your anger. You let me feel it, but then this morning you’re so far away. I don’t know what planet you’re on and we were never like that before, ever. Even at the very end, you were more present than you sometimes are now. I’m not trying to criticize you, I’m really not, but…” You force your eyes to focus when Dami goes quiet. He’s just brushing his teeth. He’s okay.
“But I just want you to let me in and I don’t know if I can ask that as a nesting partner. Even when you’re submitting, there's like 15% you’re holding back. And I get that it's a trust issue, but when we were on the bed,” the faucet is running again. The sound is still detached from reality. “With just a vibrator between us, you let me in completely and it was amazing. Not just because of the sex! There’s other moments where we’re intimate emotionally and then this wall just comes up. It's so sudden that I don’t think you’re doing it intentionally. But I don’t know, you tell me.” Silence. Your chest hurts. “Sorry that I’m making you late for work.” Work? The anxiety of obligation yanks from inside your ribcage. Work!
You try to get a grip on reality, but have to compromise for a grip on the countertop. As soon as you begin coming back into your body, the necessity for air is overwhelming. But you can’t breathe and you’re so fucking dizzy that you can’t even focus on sustaining the most basic of bodily functions. So you try to grab the countertop again and miss again.
“Y/n?” He knows you wouldn’t just leave, unannounced. So Dami pauses his morning routine to check if you’re out of ear shot or giving him the silent treatment. Upon seeing your blanched face and restricted breathing, he feels like a dumbass for not considering the obvious third option: panic attack.
“Hey, you’re okay. You’re okay, baby.” Damiano throws distinctions between boyfriend and nesting partner to the wind while taking you into his embrace. “You’re gonna be fine, piccola mia. Come here. C’mere, baby.” He hugs you loosely, but the arms around your middle are snug as Dami pulls you onto his lap, perched on the edge of the couch. For a few seconds the dissociation lingers and you don’t have control of your limbs. What follows is much worse. There's deep, intrusive stabbing pains in your chest as you fight for air.
“You can breathe, baby. You can breathe, your body just forgot how for a second.” His tone is so calm and even, having perfected this skill over the years.
“Can’t.” Your ironclad grip on your purse finally fails and the sound of its contents hitting the floor then scattering is so that loud you shudder. “Can’t!”
“Yes, you can, piccola mia.” Finally, you regain control of your limbs, wrapping your arms around Dami while pressing your face against his shoulder. This isn’t close enough, so you turn chest to chest and wrap your legs around him too. He gives you just enough space to readjust, no communication necessary since Dami predicted this reaction. Panic attacks made you clingy when they made others claustrophobic.
“My little koala bear,” he coos. For a moment, it feels like someone’s lodged a dagger in your lungs and you cry out, intending to say his name. But, for days, you were forced to constantly implement life or death boundaries when doing so is in direct conflict with your very nature. The resulting strain morphed into blinding fear that, in holding power, you’d destroy what you loved most. What you needed as an animal, amongst a world constantly delivering over-stimulating levels of novel information. So the name – or more accurately the plea – that comes out, at 8:31 AM, is his honorific.
“Did you say ‘Daddy?’” He barely misses a beat. You nod, all the color returning to your cheeks as a blush. “Awe, do you need Daddy to help you calm down? Well, I’m right here, topolina.” He runs a hand up your spine and under your hair to firmly grasp the back of your neck. It wasn’t restricting anything, the gesture was about control. Specifically, to indicate that you had none.
“Listen to me.” His tone of voice makes you shiver. It’s just as firm as the grasp of his warm, muscular hand. “No, keep breathing. I didn’t tell you to hold your breath.” You gasp for air, hyperventilating. Damiano tsks, tucking your hair back so he can put his mouth directly to the shell of your ear. “Piccola mia, listen to me.” He dips into a baritone while whispering, breath fluttering against your eardrum. “Feel this?” Dami squeezes the back of your neck. “Mine. I decide how you breathe.”
Oxygen. It's the first and last thing most humans have control of and he just rips that away, wholesale. Your mind is so relieved that it finally lets you cry, feel. Dami softens, slowly rocking back and forth, the same way you soothe a cholicky baby.
“Daddy’s here. Daddy’s here.” He repeats the phrase in a sing-song voice between counting the pace of your breath out loud. “We’re gonna start with four. In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four.”
“Daddy,” you croak, twisting the fabric of his shirt around your fingers. It's an ugly sound, revealing just how desperate you feel. Desperate to do right by him. Desperate to keep him sober, even though you know that, ultimately, it was out of your control. But it couldn’t be out of control because you couldn’t lose him again now that you’d remembered how much you needed him. Now that you stopped subsisting on scraps in the form of memories. During the split, it had been heartbreaking to recall the dysfunctionality. Even more heartbreaking, however, were reminders of a joy more potent than you’d ever felt in your adult life.
“Daddy, I…” need you. I’m ready to admit that you are an essential piece to the ever changing puzzle that is my life. But you can’t get the words out before the urge to sob takes over, so end up omitting a wounded whine, like when you trip over an excited dog and accidentally step on its tail.
“Oh, piccolo mia,” he laments. Apparently the noise was just as painful to hear as it was to make. You tighten your legs around Dami’s hips, knowing full well it's probably too much. He throws caution to the wind and pulls up the back of your blouse, untucking it from your pants. His hand is clammy from nerves when it touches your back.
“I’m right here. Daddy is right here, giving you all his attention. And the only thing you need to do is breathe with me.” With the movement of Dami’s hand on your skin, you begin falling into his rhythm. There's no penalty when you choke up or make a mistake. Damiano rubs circles on your back at the exact same pace with which he counts. You’re grateful that he knows not to set it on your butt or flank today. Once you’re calmer, he moves up to six counts, then eight.
“I love you.” It’s the first thing you say when the eight counts feel manageable. “I – I need you.”
“You need me?” Dami is so pleased that his voice sounds like a warm blanket. He readjusts the position so your eyes can meet. Realizing this moment has to end, you begin clawing your way to the surface. The further you are out of subspace, the less his leaving will hurt. Damiano’s face visibly falls.
“There. You just did it. You were totally present with me then you put a wall up.”
“Don’t let go of my neck!” The words are so rushed they’re barely discernible.
“Topolina, I will never discipline you like that.” Your bottom lip trembles, but you keep your eyes on him because it's grounding. “I will never ever be callous with my sweetest Little Girl.” His words and the earnestness which accompanies them unlock a vault in your mind. It’s so well concealed that you’d hidden it from yourself, and for good reason, apparently. Every notable memory of submission to Dami comes rushing back, all at once. The hand on your neck shifts, almost negligible.
“Not ready!”
“And I’m not letting go,” he responds in his softest voice, overflowing with affection. “I’m just kissing your forehead, silly goose.” Damiano uses his grip to pull you a couple centimeters closer and tilt your head down. “Mwah! Mwah, mwah. See?” He makes theatrical noises as his lips meet your skin. It's an effort to make this stressful moment lighthearted, but your hands continue clenching the fabric of his t-shirt. When Dami moves to kiss your cheeks, he ends up wiping a couple stray tears away. You hadn’t felt them fall.
“Undo your fists. I’m not going anywhere.” Uncurling your hands takes some effort. You splay them across Damiano’s back to feel his heartbeat. Again, you’re stuck between states: being Little and functional adulthood. Correction: calling what you could reasonably achieve today “functional” was probably too generous.
“I can see you fighting it so hard, topolina. You don’t have to. I’m right here.” He thinks you’re battling subspace because of all the times you’d coped with sub-drop alone during the breakup. It’s certainly a factor, but more worrying is the fact that your brain is sabotaging both your mornings. It didn’t feel like a safe time to slip into submission.
“I – work! Gotta, gotta…” You couldn’t afford to become non-verbal.
“No.” Both his tone and expression were stern. “What you’re going to do is allow yourself to be 100% present with me for a few more minutes. Non-negotiable.”
“I can breathe though.”
“You’re so afraid you’re trembling,” he deadpans. Even with faltering interoception, you can sense that it’s true.
“Why’d my brain just, just…”
“It's adrenaline.” What you’d intended to ask is why in the fresh hell did my brain launch me into headspace. Damiano wraps an arm around your lower back and pulls you flush against his body, so close your noses are touching. “I need you to feel how steady I am.” For a second, the shaking gets worse as your emotions intensify, but then it lessens. With your entire being, you wanted to believe that Dami was steady, that today’s events couldn’t compromise his sobriety. His gaze is so intense that you’re both drawn in and fighting the urge to look away.
“I am okay. You are okay. Our relationship is okay. And you can get back to reality without putting five football fields of space between us. That’s what I’ve been doing a piss poor job of communicating all morning.” Embarrassed for reacting so drastically, you nod, then try to avert your eyes. Damiano doesn’t allow that. He grabs your chin and uses it to turn your face back in his direction. For a second, the urge to fawn almost takes over completely.
“Now there she is,” he coos. “There’s my perfect Little Girl.” Your cunt throbs so you collapse forward with a dramatic groan.
“Why you gotta say the sexiest shit when I’m trying to pull myself together?!” Damiano breaks character and laughs right in your ear, so loud that it organically brings you to the surface.
“Okay, okay. Scene over?”
“Mhm.” He begins taking his hand away which earns an agonized whine. Dami freezes.
“Scene not over?”
“No, it’s just…sudden.” You sit up which turns out to be a horrible idea because your gaze falls to Dami’s lips. Your logical mind knows not to kiss him right now. But your submissive side wants to give him everything you have and more, especially since a hand on the back of your neck is exactly the gesture he’d use to pull you in for a makeout. So you stare at his lips again before consciously tearing your eyes away.
“This is doing wonders for my ego, watching you fight the urge to kiss me.” That earns him an eye roll. “Oh, the sass is back! So we’re feeling better then.”
“Yeah.” You look at the floor and this time he doesn’t stop you.
“Okay, I’m actually gonna take my hand away.” You brace for it, but the air is still cold and bitter against your neck. Plus, what feels like the weight of the world resumes its resting place on your shoulders. Damiano moves his hand up a few inches, onto the back of your head instead of taking it away from the area entirely. He watches for subdrop, eyes pained after seeing how crestfallen you are. Needing a respite from the intensity of this unexpected moment, you decide to let work know that you’re going to be late. The tears in your voice are recent enough to pull off a very convincing performance about your sick grandfather being in the hospital with a mystery illness.
The veteran secretary who answers the phone finds your project manager right away. She offers to give you the whole morning off, visibly piquing Dami’s interest. Based on his expression, he expects you to take it, and if not for coinciding with his treatment schedule, you would. Instead, you promise to be there within an hour.
“You didn’t want the morning off?”
“I think that we’ll both do better keeping our schedules today.” He considers this for a moment then accepts it. Dami sets both palms on your mid-thigh to indicate that this was now an adult interaction between equals.
“We need to have a tough conversation or two…or five.” He tries to make you smile, but your stomach flips instead. “Obviously not right this moment, but we both need to find space in the next couple days. It’s time.”
“You’re right. I know it, I’m just, well, scared, as per usual.”
“Yeah, me too.” You look up in surprise. Damiano was the most courageous person you knew. He was the one to call it, even though it was obvious to both of you that avoiding a discussion for any longer would be counterproductive.
“Scared about what?” He looks at you wide-eyed and sputters while gesturing to the door. “Damia, I told you not to promise me perfection because I knew it wasn’t realistic. My expectation is that you try your absolute best to stay sober and when relapse happens, you fight like hell. And I don’t want to impede your ability to do that by making you spend all your inner resources on me.” Anxiety concealed as exasperation creeps into your voice. “Which is why I didn’t take the morning off. Because I didn’t want to interrupt your routine, when that routine helps you be sober. I didn’t want to create a demand for emotional labor, when –”
“What, by having emotions?” he interrupts sharply.
“I – yeah. You’re used to having these peaceful quiet mornings and I just…”
“Existed? Experienced things? Was a human being with needs?”
“Yes, but I – I mean, yeah because I – You, you’re still at risk of like, like…It's more important! Your sobriety is more important.”
“Than your emotions?” He narrows his eyes as if that's an unhinged beleif.
“Yes! It's more important than my emotions. It's more important than me. It's more important than everything!”
“No!”
“Yes!” You push his hands away and stand up, pacing to the other side of the living room.
“I am the only one that can prioritize my sobriety above all else, and I do! Despite last night, I fucking do! My sobriety can’t be your priority.”
“Why?” you snap and whip around, shooting daggers with your eyes.
“Because it's my life.”
“Ditto. I can prioritize whatever I want.”
“You have to prioritize yourself. You can’t live for somebody else!”
“Prioritizing your sobriety is living for myself because I would never be okay if you died from an overdose and you fucking know that. So I’m not sure why we’re fighting about this.”
“Because only I can keep myself sober,” he implores.
“I fucking know that!!” you screech through gritted teeth. It's a fact that haunts all my waking hours and several of my slumbering ones. “I don’t live in some fairytale land where I control your decisions. Nor do I want to, whatsoever. But I can make your sobriety easier, so I’m damn well going, too. Today of all days!”
“It's not your responsibility!” He stands up and gestures in frustration.
“Did I say it was!?” Doubt starts to creep in as to why Damiano is hellbent on whatever point he’s making.
“You’re –”
“Am I annoying you when I try to help with your sobriety? Is that what it is?”
“Wha – no. No.” His tone changes completely, all the wind gone from his sails.
“Fuck,” you sigh and bite the inside of your lip. “Sorry, I just did that thing where I get insecure and you have to be nice to me instead of having your feelings.”
“That’s not what just happened.”
“Seems…” You’re about to say that it seems like Damiano has to bottle up his feelings instead of getting to resolve them. And that it felt like he started to avoid fights with you pre-breakup, since you’d get all pathetic like this. Dami was so empathetic and didn’t want to deal with your occasional bouts of middle school level self-confidence, which became more numerous as things fell apart. It was the only bit of jealousy, in terms of his other partners, that had staying power: confidence. Glowing, radiant, unshakable, sexy confidence. The opposite of your insecurity, which was so powerful that it could totally warp your sense of reality, as it probably was now.
“There! That! Tell me, just fucking tell me.” Damiano’s pointing at you, so you look down at yourself, startled. “It started with you hiding your anger from me, but it's become this. Like you won’t take a single step without considering how it might impact my sobriety. You edit out everything that could possibly trigger...I don’t even know what! Like, I’ve started playing a guessing game where I try to think of anything you could plausibly say in a situation that would jeopardize my sobriety. And besides that last night, there was never anything I couldn’t handle.”
“I…” your brain feels like sludge. “A second ago was just classic insecurity, but generally…yeah. Yeah, I’ve been walking on eggshells a lot, if I’m honest.” Dami sighs in relief and approaches.
“You hold me down. You keep me sane. Not just sunshine you, but scatterbrained, insecure, anxious you. Keeps-an-extra-pair-of-pants-in-her-car-since-she-always-spills-her-coffee-driving you. Veterinarian in a past life, too competitive for board game nights, can’t stick to the grocery list, maker of near disaster via spontaneous hugs in the kitchen at the least opportune moment you. Scowls at men, but smiles at every child, and they always smile back. Picks the restaurant, but can’t pick what to order, then insists on tipping too much at bad service. All music is dancing music, borderline delusional optimist, empathy for the socially invisible, never finishes a book before starting another because she hates endings. Believes in love instead of god because she can find something to love in everyone she meets. Everyone has beauty and purpose and fascinating complexity.”
“Dami…”
“Calls me out on my bullshit when all the others are too intimidated. Remembers who I am when I forget. Understands my art when the public doesn’t, but believes that anyone can be an artist. Believes that the world is full of magic, in the form of human possible connection.” Damiano backs you against a wall, bodies barely brushing. “I could keep going,” he whispers. “You don’t have to try. Just be.”
“But I want to be sure that I’m not jeopardizing your sobriety.”
“On the off chance that moment ever comes, I will tell you. I won’t let you compromise my sobriety.” Some of that weight lifts. “The way things were when we broke up, they’re never going to be that way again. I am prioritizing my sobriety and I've got a small army of physicians helping me. You don’t need to prioritize my sobriety anymore.” He sets a hand on your ribcage, still speaking in a whisper. The moment is extremely intimate. “It's taken care of, my love. It's time for you to be taken care of. And I know we’re gonna have this same conversation again and that's okay.”
You loosely wrap your arms around Dami, to keep him close and extend the moment. Just based on your body language, he can tell that you’ve finally internalized what he’s been trying to say.
“I’ve been anxious about coming home and you’re gone.”
“Not going to happen. No surprises, no disappearing acts.”
“Okay.” You cast your eyes anywhere by his face. Damiano takes your jaw in his hand, coaxing you to look at him, but not demanding it as he did minutes ago. You take a couple seconds to corral your emotions first, since you can’t gauge if your reaction is gonna be more tears, hyperventilating, smiles, giddiness, or feeling lovesick. He sees this effort and presses your body into the wall using his own.
“Let me in,” he demands. You stop intentionally directing your features into an expression and wait for thoughts to come up organically. Except they don’t, so you try to recall how this worked when transparency was your first instinct with Damiano. Unfortunately, the only thing discernable is your sense of smell informing you that Dami is delicious. You’d braced for the stench of booze coming from his pores this morning, but it's not because he barely drank. So he still smells like home, plus a tiny bit sweaty from getting too hot in his sleep. That was only perceptible up close though. His skin would be salty if you licked it. You can also tell that he brushed his teeth while you were getting dressed, but that should be obvious. He wouldn’t have gotten in your space like this otherwise.
So the urge to kiss him returns with a vengeance. You attempt to see around the obstacle to identify something of your innermost thoughts. What do I feel? How do I feel? Horny, obviously, which wasn’t exactly news. More like your resting state. It’s as if your mind is a shaken snow globe. So you’re squinting your eyes to see the miniature winter wonderland below. But all you can perceive is the mental permafrost that is wanting to ride Damiano until you collapse and this fucking blizzard obscuring your vision.
“Y/n –”
“I genuinely can’t figure out what I’m thinking. I’m trying, I swear.”
“Can I take a guess?” he smiles. “You’re horny.” After the initial embarrassment, you get flustered, consider hiding it, decide not to, and end up aroused. Damiano’s gaze devouring your blush certainly inspires confidence, as well.
“Actually it was way more specific than that, but sure.” You can see the progression of Dami’s emotions: aroused, realizing your transparency, excitement, even more aroused.
“Why do you torture me?” He boxes you in with his arms and uses his pelvis to keep you pinned against the wall. When his cock twitches you smirk and raise an eyebrow, but a more serious answer crosses your mind. “Tell me, tell me,” Damiano chants.
“I don’t want to jerk you around, with the physicality stuff. Because on a couple days it’s been…I wake up feeling really steady and so do you. Then I come home and you’re reading a book on the couch and you’ve done all the laundry and I just want to fucking…slip my panties off and grind on the crotch of your jeans while we makeout until I’m sore. And then maybe you – anyways, then some –
“No, no. Finish that thought first.”.
“Your tongue can be really, really gentle,” you admit, feeling a tiny bit perverse. “Soft, soothing, so when I’m sore it's – it's, um, nice.”
“What’s my tongue doing?” He leans down and speaks directly into your ear again.
“You go down on me.” Your voice starts to climb in pitch from the anticipation.
“Right there on the couch?”
“Mhm.”
“We don’t even make it to the bedroom?”
“I, um – It’s just in my head.”
“But just in your head, we don’t make it off the couch.” His lips barely brush your neck. Was it an accident?
“No.”
“Why? Cause you’re too desperate?”
“Hng, I –” He boldly nips at the base of your neck.
“This okay?” he murmurs. As Dami speaks, his breath hits the spot of saliva his mouth left on your skin and you’re so keyed up that it evokes a full body shiver.
“Mhm!”
“So are you desperate because you need to cum? Or desperate because you got carried humping me since you were too horny to stop yourself?” Somehow, one of the arms that had been around Dami’s waist is now clutching his shoulders as he licks your neck. You don’t remember it happening.
“What…was I just talking, um –” Thankfully, Dami raises face to look at you which makes thinking easier.
“Anyways, then some.”
“Huh?”
“That's how your next thought started: ‘anyways, then some.’”
“Oh, um…then, I don’t know, maybe I have a bad anxiety day or I talk to my therapist or something reminds me of a painful memory and I don’t want sexual touch.”
“But do you always want physical touch of some kind, like cuddling?”
“Well, I came climbing into bed with you last night, didn’t I?” He smiles wide and looks over the couch for a moment.
“Yeah, that's true…and very good to know. If all days are good physical touch days, you are about to get very sick of me.” Now you’re both smiling like fools and the gravitational pull of chemistry has your noses nearly brushing while Dami slips an arm between the wall and the small of your back. It occurs to you that this is the same move he made in the shower, when encouraging you to grind against his leg.
“I just don’t want you to feel rejected or misled if you touch me in a certain way and I’m not into it, even though I was yesterday. Because it's so momentous since we were broken up for a while.”
“Well, you can just tell me that and I’ll understand.” You nod, but the fact that it isn’t so simple occurs to you. Damiano sees it and raises an eyebrow.
“Okay, I forgot how fucking inconvenient this mind reading thing is but –” he bursts into joyful laughter, head thrown back. You rest your other arm on Dami’s shoulder as well. In return, he pulls you body to body, resting his other hand on the top of your ass with a watchful expression. It’s exactly the point you were making.
“Obviously, I wasn’t feeling like jumping your bones today. The way you placed your hands over there,” you nod towards the couch, “I really appreciated, because it was exactly the right thing. Like it was so conscientious and considerate and nurturing,” even saying the word made your pussy throb, “that I’m pretty sure it turned me on. So fuck if I know how this works!” Again, Dami is filled with boisterous laughter that's infectious. As you giggle along, you wonder if he was right about just letting your organic connection do its thing. “My brain was like ‘Wow. He’s so nuanced about doing this in exactly the way I need. He’s so respectful about the fact that this is totally non-sexual for me that it's making me wet. Oh, wait.’”
“Okay. So sex is never a –”
“Sexual contact,” you clarify. “I still don’t feel ready for proper love making, I’m sorry.” Dami’s face is the most offended it's been all morning.
“Sorry? What do you mean ‘sorry?’”
“I know, I know,” you brush him off with an eye roll.
“For fucks sake, don’t apologize. Why would –”
“Stop, you’re so dramatic!” You jostle Damiano while speaking and he almost delivers a retort before changing course in an effort to make you laugh. Effusive, he gasps and brings a hand to his sternum in scandal.
“Who, me? Dramatic?? Never!” You’re filled with a yearning that originates in your mind, but starts in your cunt. This time you don’t fight it off as it travels upwards to envelope you. “I would –”
“Kiss me,” you interrupt, so giddy that you’re bouncing on the balls of your feet. Caught off guard, Dami stops speaking. “Kiss me, kiss mmm –”
Notes: It's a good one! Thank you for waiting for this update and for reading this fic. I hope the holiday season is at least bearable for y'all. And if its not, me and my Masterlist are here for you!
-XOXO Eden
✧ The Sun is the Center of Everything Table of Contents
✧ My Masterlist
✧ Get notified via Taglist!
@surelyfreedombound @shinshans @lonnybunnys @davianos-blog @hauntedpostpersona @lizzylynch1 @kammerstx @harryssshouseee @slavicgoddess13 @persona1read1ng @katyldamusic @whore4damia @the-chaotic-cow @icarodamiano @gr8rainbowpunk @elvirabelle @bright-shiningstar @maneslut @stardustingold @que--sera--sera @dustyinkpages @lapauradelcheez @girlnred @ami--gami @tellmesomething01 @guksunshine @cuzimitaliano @harmonia-dread @mortyandem @soundscuntfeelscunt
#maneskin#måneskin#damiano david#må#damiano#damiano maneskin#maneskin damiano#damiano david x reader#damiano david fanfiction#damiano david imagine#damiano david x y/n#damiano david x you#damiano david smut#damiano david fic#damiano x reader#tw: addiction#cw: addiction recovery#cw: power dynamics (non-sexual dd/lg)#cw: anxiety/panic attacks/mental illness
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
Prediction (?) for Fionna and Cake
Please tell me we're going to see this guy in the next episode.
Please tell me that Episode 5 opens with Simon going "I need to become the Ice King again >:| " and Fionna like "...ok sure" and the gang goes to find the Crown from somewhere in the multiverse.
(Fionna is 1. unfamiliar with the world she's in and doesn't know the Ice King lore, 2. still on an adrenaline high from her first big adventures in Ooo and the Time Room, and 3. has been shown to be kinda self-centered and emotionally immature. She is in no place to discourage Simon from becoming Ice King again, and would be totally on board with this plan.)
Please tell me that they recover the Crown, Simon puts it on, and...of course, he doesn't become the Ice King again. The Ice King we know and love became a separate guy from Simon centuries ago, and besides, pre-Ice King Simon is a very different person from post-Ice King Simon. Whatever he becomes now after putting on the Crown will be completely different.
(We know that the effects of the Crown react to the wearer's state of mind. Everyone else seems to be idealizing the past, so maybe Simon has begun to do so as well. He sounded so wistful when he was reminiscing about how he could stop whole armies back in the day. Ice Prince from Fionna's dreams might be a manifestation of that idealization. The form he takes under the influence of the Crown should reflect that...)
So please, please tell me that Simon goes on a power trip after putting on the Crown, as F+C suddenly realize that this may have been a very bad idea. Please give us the dissonance between Simon's euphoria and everyone else's abject terror. I am begging for an over-the-top musical number starring Simon the Ice Twink on the piano. We know Simon plays the piano - he had one in the Ice Kingdom and performed at the open mic in Obsidian. PLEASE.
Edit: based on the descriptions for episodes 5 and 6, they'll probably search for the Crown in 5 and get crazy with it in 6. With a side of fluffy gay coffeeshop AU in a disintegrating world. Fun!
(Foxtel's synopses for Episodes 5 "Destiny" and 6 "The Winter King")
84 notes
·
View notes
Note
You know, I am stunned at the lack of logic and critical thinking in this fandom. It’s like those with extreme opinions have such strong confirmation bias that they can’t get out of their own way. When I read some of these posts on lots of different blogs, I am struck at the logical questions that are never truly answered- well except by ad hominem attacks and logical fallacies and extensive conspiracy theories.
1. Wouldn’t a TV show that’s not on a well-known and popular streaming service love the PR they’d get if their costars were actually in love and in a real life relationship? What value does the production company gain by keeping them hidden for almost 10 years? I can’t logically see that it would bring more profits. So we’re supposed to love a loyal, brave, committed, and family-oriented Jamie, but we need a single, sexy Sam to sell the show?? Cognitive dissonance anyone?
2. Now that it’s well established that Sam and Caitriona essentially ARE Outlander and are EPs, wouldn’t they have the power to say no more if this “ narrative” was true? If they quit, there’s no OL. Couldn’t they refuse to film anything else if they aren’t allowed to tell the truth (if it’s hidden)? It’s interesting that Ron and Terri are married, Maril and Matt have twins together, but S and C were forbidden to be together? I would think that could be a legitimate lawsuit. Didn’t they renegotiate new contracts since the first season?
3. Do people actually believe that Sam and Caitriona are good people, philanthropic people, hard working entrepreneurial people, wonderful human beings but at the same time think that either of them would actually lie about their own children? With Sam’s childhood, people honestly think he would deny his kids AND be away from them for months? That they both would lie and deceive us about her father’s funeral?
4. So it’s been 10 years and NOT ONE person associated with either of them has publicly and clearly stated, with no doubts or other possible connotations, that they are really together? No costars? No personal friends? No teacher of their kids? No hospital personnel where the kids were born? No extras on OL? No crew members- even those that have been gone long enough that any NDA they signed about the production would have expired? No hotel staff where they may have traveled with their kids? No former “fake gfs” who might be pissed? No friends of “ fake gfs” that want to defend their friend and set the record straight? Not one person who has been associated with OL who might just think this is harmful to children? No photos of them with kids in public- clear photos, not reflections or someone in the background that we cannot clearly identify? Not videos where we cannot tell who is actually there? Wouldn’t someone somewhere have gotten a photo of them together as a family? In ten years? Have you P, seen evidence that I haven’t? I have seen nothing but reflections, blurry images, unidentifiable people in the background. Am I missing something?
5. About their chemistry- they aren’t the only actors I have ever seen that have great chemistry but no real romantic relationship. There are lots of them. It’s like people don’t know what actors actually do. So much of chemistry in acting between actors is about trust and respect for the work. Even some of the best chemistry has been between actors who didn’t really like each other in real life, but were able to use their chemistry and their talent to create characters we believed loved each other.
6. Lastly, I can’t wrap my brain around liking and respecting these two actors for their work and for their real lives, while claiming every day they are lying to me.
People see what they want to see or what they need to see to support their position.
Occam’s Razor tells me that the simplest explanation is often the best one.
Hopefully when OL finally ends, these two will get some peace.
Now, watch the “but what about ______? “start.
Bless you Anon for summarizing everything I and countless other SANE fans have been saying in the Outlander fandom for the last 9 years. The thing is...some Extreme Shippers continue to ship for a few reasons. I put them in these categories:
1. OG shippers who have invested SO many YEARS in their SamCait fantasy ship. They want to "save face." It's embarrassing to acknowledge that you were fed and believed a LIE for so long. Their egos can't handle it, so they'd rather double down, and find a way to pretzel their brains around things that are obvious facts to the rest of us. They don't want to feel like they "lost." So, they just keep on denying the TRUTH and the mountains of evidence showing that Sam and Cait are not a couple in real life. The alternative is too painful to them. It's been too much time, too much energy, too much of themselves invested in the ship, and they are missing something in their real lives. The ship fills that void.
2. New fans to Outlander who have recently discovered it. They've gone down the rabbit hole of shipper Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter X accounts and they haven't climbed their way out yet to blogs like mine, and other Non-Shippers.
3. The Fake Shippers who pretend to be shippers to MAKE MONEY off those still clinging on to the life boats. There are still bloggers and shipper groups who know they have a captive audience in shippers holding out hope that some of what the original shipper leaders sold them might actually be true. These fake shippers manipulate gifs, pictures, videos, SHOW shippers what they WANT to see. They keep them hanging on with podcasts, magazine, subscriptions. They sell them trips to Scotland, conventions t-shirts, mugs, daily "proof" that Sam and Cait secretly live together with their 5 bairns. And because con artists are experts at conning people, they make everything believable...and some poor souls buy what they're selling. Literally BUY 💵 what they're selling. Sadly, this fandom is filled with a lot of retired women with disposable income, who are lonely or disillusioned with their own lives. And they are easy pickings for the money hungry fake shippers.
So, in summary, the reason there are still some SamCait Shippers is a combination of fake shippers SELLING them the fantasy AND women needing to STILL hold onto the fantasy. With a few actually mentally unwell women thrown in here and there, who have diagnosable mental health issues.
It's actually quite sad. If only they had gotten off the ship with the rest of us years ago, they could have been enjoying celebrating REAL love. Instead, they're on a constantly rocky ship that causes them disappointment more often than not. Here, on terra firma, no one needs Dramamine. It's lovely. Because it's REAL. 💞
#samheughan#caitrionabalfe#extremeshippers#outlander#fake shippers#extremeshipperlies#logic#3 types of shippers#fake ship#faux ship#real love#tait#reality#the truth#there is only one#non-shippers#shippers
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
jupiter vs. saturn: taurus
jupiter
they are more generous. jupiter always brings with it kindness and warmth, and when it moves into taurus, it brings generosity and a desire to share. it's true that when times are hard, the native can close off somewhat and become more frugal, but generally speaking, they are at their happiest when they are able to share, and in fact, this desire helps drive them forwards in life.
they are lazier. speaking of drive, jupiter in taurus is a placement that can easily become complacent and start to go along with the status quo for an easy life. taurus is always hardworking, but it has a tendency to undervalue itself, while jupiter is usually on the opposite end of the spectrum. the native doesn't like to get their hands dirty unless it feels worth it to them.
they have a keener eye for beauty and luxury. jupiter, being eclectic and extravagant, meets taurus, who knows beauty when they see it. they are often collectors of something, and really value a clean and comforting home. they work hard to make their home a place that feels relaxing and luxurious, and sometimes they place a lot of importance and self-worth on the state of their homes.
saturn
they are more frugal. saturn has a tendency towards being miserly, and with taurus already being a cautious sign, the native can have a hard time letting go of things, and may be quite insecure about their finances and belongings. while this sounds like a miserable way to live, there is a positive to it, which is that they are often very thrifty, creative and have a "make do and mend" attitude to life.
they are less secure in themselves and their financial situation. taurus already struggles with security and self worth, so with saturn here, there can be a lot of anxiety and a very restrictive attitude towards wealth and possessions. they may have grown up in a financially insecure home or feeling very out of place financially among their peers, and security in their value as people and their personal assets is something they will have to work to develop over time.
they are more practical. i touched on this previously, but saturn in taurus is a placement that reminds me of my great grandparents' generation, who grew up during world war ii. they grew up under rationing and so were incredibly self sufficient, learning to make, mend, grow and reuse everything. i'm trying not to erase how traumatic it was to live during those times, but i think that saturn in taurus embodies a sustainable attitude towards material possessions.
both
both placements are materialistic. they are not necessarily greedy or miserly with it , but they both seek security and comfort, and are generally happy to share it out. they work hard and want to see and feel the results of their efforts, whether that's high-quality food grown in their own garden, a well-earned promotion at work, or fancy shoes every now and then. they thrive in an environment where earning rewards is a positive and healthy experience.
both placements are hard working and goal-oriented. with their feet planted firmly on the ground, both jupiter and saturn in taurus have a steady work ethic and a lot of drive to achieve their goals. they are grounded, and good at focusing and organising themselves in order to align to what they really want from life.
they are both prone to complexes about their worth. that being said, they can get distracted by what they feel they are "supposed" to achieve in life, and this dissonance can leave them feeling insecure and confused about themselves and their place in the world. taking time to reflect on why they feel they need to achieve certain things, and whether or not that lines up with their own wants and needs, can be helpful here.
they both have good financial sense. while jupiter can sometimes spend impulsively and saturn can be overly frugal, both placements are generally clever and cautious when it comes to money. they both like to have savings, though with different motivations; jupiter wants to have savings so they can spend without worry and share their wealth around, while saturn likes to save to alleviate their anxieties around the future and potential insecurities.
#pallastrology#astrology#astrology blog#astrology post#jupiter in taurus#jupiter#taurus jupiter#taurus saturn#sasturn in taurus#saturn#jvs
53 notes
·
View notes
Text
all that glitters is not gold
pairing: dazai osamu x reader (fantasy au)
warnings: none (for now)
summary: an inescapable fate bound by the vows of arranged marriage. a cataclysmic war that paints the plains red. a pair of royals, once friends, now bitter enemies. dazai osamu is the last person you want across from you at the end of the aisle, but the universe has other plans. as war, deception, and conflict rages on, you may find that he is your only hope of making it through this alive... even if it means putting revenge for his betrayal on the backburner.
authors note(s): this is the prologue of a long, multi-chapter fic i am currently working on. i will be uploading chapters periodically <3
fic playlist: ♫
ch. one: dissonance
ch. two: trojan horse
ch. three: in reverence
ch. four: a painting’s ire
ch. five: all men are equal
PROLOGUE
Heavy is the head of the one who wears the crown.
It sits on a velvet cushion atop a crystal podium, a glittering structure of gems and woven silver bestowed upon the Imperial heir, heralded as some divine artifact despite its classically human origins. The accessory is beyond extravagant. Well suited to the blue-blooded, as your father likes to say.
You beg to differ.
While others may view the crown as a symbol of royalty, prestige, and all the superficial qualities that make up the Imperial bloodline, it is something entirely different to you. It masks itself behind shining diamonds and intricate design when its true nature is nothing more than a pair of iron manacles.
It’s painfully ironic. The “sun of the Empire” shackled by the very thing that is supposed to bring about glory. The reason why is simple enough: the act of bearing the crown means surrendering to the throne and, with it, all freedom.
You swallow, heart pounding, as the glass dome is lifted, and a pair of gloved hands carefully extracts the headpiece from its idle seat.
The world slows to a crawl as a ray of sunlight catches on the crown’s stones and reflects onto you. The crowd, elites and nobles from all over the nation, fades into the background until nothing is left in your sight other than the crown, your father who holds it, and the man standing to his right.
Dazai Osamu. The very cause of your distress and contempt… as well as your future husband.
His eyes meet yours—clever things that betray no hint of emotion other than a clinical curiosity that has him silently surveying you like a scientist dissecting a confounding subject. Dazai Osamu picks you apart piece by piece, down to the very molecules of your being. Any other person would think themselves scrutinized, but you know better. He would have to care to take you under scrutiny—and Dazai genuinely couldn't care any less of you. You would find more affection for a crawling ant underneath his shoe than he could have for you. You are simply an object for him to rest his eyes on while boredom perseveres.
You, on the other hand, choose to face his gaze head-on and convey your feelings by glaring at him with a pure, visceral hatred. He may not feel anything towards you anymore, but your anger runs deep and wide, and it hungers for revenge.
Revenge against the man you are to wed;
the Prince of the enemy kingdom;
the one who betrayed you;
and once upon a time, the boy you had loved more than any other.
#x reader#anime x reader#anime#anime and manga#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungoustraydogs#dazai x y/n#dazai osamu#dazai angst#dazai fanfic#dazai x reader#dazai imagines#bsd fanfic#bungou stray dogs fic#fantasy au#historical au#bsd au#enemies to lovers#lovers to enemies
171 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Added, The Removed, and the Changed: Continuity Alterations of Living World Season 1 Return
So last year ArenaNet brought back "most" of LWS1 in 2022 after about 8 years of demands for it to be made permanent. What many people may not know is that, yes, ArenaNet did change things up. Be they for better or wose. As it got brought up while talking with friends in the GW2 subreddit's discord, I decided to write up what these changes are.
Overall: The Investigative Studies and Records
The most obvious additions to the lore span all five episodes, where each one got an achievement called Investigative Study. These were added lore books, using a UI created in Season 4, exploring backstory of various characters and factions.
Flame and Frost namedropped some Icebrood Saga characters like Crecia and Efram, while also delving into why the dredge and Flame joined Scarlet, for example.
From Clockwork Chaos onward, there were also the Investigative Records achievements, which were audio recordings from Scarlet to delve into her character a bit.
All of this stuff is brand new, and provides new insight on characters - especially Scarlet and her motivations.
Additionally, it is worth noting that when LWS1 first released, it was written from a perspective of "the events happen at any point in the personal story" - so you were not strictly "the Pact Commander". This created some dissonance in the original story for how characters reflected their state at the beginning of the Personal Story instead of the end - most notable being Destiny's Edge, who end the personal story claiming to stick with the Pact until the Elder Dragons are no more (specifically Logan doing so), but then when we meet them in LWS1, they're back with their nations doing their deskwork or what have you. That commitment didn't last long, huh? Well, it made sense if you were a level 10 going through LWS1. But the LWS1R firmly cements LWS1 as post-PS, dubbing you the Commander right off the bat to Braham and Rox, yet didn't change any this. Or explained it.
Flame and Frost
In addition to the above, Flame and Frost got one very peculiar change to it, which is arguably the biggest change in the entire LWS1R: Ottilia.
Ottilia is a norn from Cragstead that Braham had a "bit" of a crush on. In the original release, Ottilia was Braham's firm motivation for... the entire season, really. When the player first gets to ask about Ottilia, this is what Braham says:
Ottilia? Who's Ottilia? Well, she lives in Cragstead, and she's... kind of beautiful. I mean sweet. She's nice. Okay?
But in the re-release, Braham says this instead:
Ottilia? That conversation might require some ale. Ottilia is amazing... She's beautiful, and...not interested. But she helped me work through some angst about my family. My mom. I owe her.
Interestingly, despite 'helping him' cope with his issues with Eir, Braham's attitude towards Eir is still very harsh, unchanged from the original release. In fact, despite Braham "getting over her", Braham still writes cringy poems for her. Why say he’s over her, if he still acts like he’s pining for her and even writes cringy teenage puppy love poetry for her? Curious.
And in addition, there is an entire subplot following the entirety of Season 1 removed because the writers wanted to reduce Braham's puppy love.
First, Ottilia showed up in the bonfire in Hoelbrak at the end of Flame and Frost, though the wiki didn't record this unfortunately.
After, from Secret of Southsun to Cutthroat Politics, Ottilia and Braham had monthly dialogues in Cragstead. At the end, Ottilia leaves Braham for a merchant, and Braham joins Rox in leaving Cragstead. This is his motivation for being involved in the rest of LWS1.
In Clockwork Chaos, we first see him complaining about Ottilia. This complaining returns in his banter with Rox during Escape from Lion's Arch.
All three of those sets of dialogues were removed from LWS1Return. Ottilia is never seen by players now. According to Bobby Stein, the change was to "downplay the "puppy love" angle and tie in more as a support system for his strained relationship with his mother".
(Personal Rant: I do not like this change, as it flattens Braham's character, making him almost entirely just about his relationship to Eir with little else about him. Without him going to Rox as emotional support over the Ottilia breakup, their relationship seems simpler as well, like he's just tagging along just because - he has no reason to be involved with Clockwork Chaos, he's just there. Of course, I admit I am bias as back in the early 2010s I had a similarly bad breakup and Braham's bitter reaction to Ottilia was highly relatable for my late-teens self.)
Lastly, Flame and Frost saw a loss of the Lion's Arch refugee camp - NPCs that were tied to the non-returning Secret of Southsun arc vanishing along with it. Lorewise, this camp still existed, as it still gets referenced, and the events at Southsun still occurred. But the NPCs tied to the heirloom collections got moved to Hoelbrak and Black Citadel refugee camps instead.
Sky Pirates of Tyria
In the original release of Dragon Bash and Sky Pirates of Tyria, there were some protestors who showed up in the Grand Piazza - Merrik, Marren, Broll, and Roardina. These four would be protesting the celebration of Dragon Bash the first week, get questioned by Kiel about the assassination attempt in the second week, and call out for a hunt on the assassins afterwards as a point of concern for their own innocence being in question.
A small piece of worldbuilding that is lacking in LWS1 - more on the first part. The part where there were active protests against Dragon Bash. With the actual Dragon Bash returned celebration in Hoelbrak, we got new protestors about the celebration, but it was more of a highlight in the original patch that wasn't part of the story instances, and thus did not get a place in the LWS1R.
A somewhat weird addition is that at the end they added a line of Magnus talking about Southsun Cove's events as if the Commander wasn't there. But all the old reference tags for dialogue reflecting you having done that content in the original LWS1 releases remain. I guess Magnus is a bit senile.
Clockwork Chaos
In addition to Braham+Rox's dialogue about Ottilia, there is another duo dynamic that was changed a lot in this release. That of Hobo-Tron and Marcello DiGiacomo. While these two do still show up in both the Closing Ceremony instance (redubbed The Queen's Address) and Scarlet's Playhouse, there was an entire dynamic between them in open world which is now MIA, and paints the entire spat of the two which continues on into Lion's Arch to this day.
Additionally, a lot of their dialogue in Scarlet's Playhouse itself was simplified, reducing their banter during your fight with Scarlet. Though it didn't provide much depth, as it was just the two name-blaming the other as being connected with Scarlet.
On an aside, in LWS1Return, during Scarlet's Playhouse you confront a hologram of Scarlet... But in the original, it was Scarlet Briar herself. Odd change.
There's also the change of the Watchknight models, but that discussion has been done to death back when the content released. Here's referencing that can o' wurms.
Tower of Nightmares
Similar to the two above, there are some open world dialogues that did not make the cut for LWS1. Most can be found on the wiki. The most famous of these dialogue, or rather infamous, is Kasmeer telling Marjory at the end of the arc that her dress that she's been wearing the entire time in the Tower was an illusion, and that she was naked all along. With the change in society and media, I can understand the mentality of the changes. But this is also a very curious aspect of Kasmeer's mentality as former nobility - at this point in the story, Kasmeer has not yet entered that "adventurer's mindset", and still favors not tearing a dress over her own safety.
In addition to that infamous dialogue, there is other stuff. Most critical are the prologue and epilogues to the arc. The entire time of the camp being established with Marjory and Kasmeer studying the veil that hid the Tower is MIA, and so is the gathering afterwards in The Dead End.
Aside from the cut content surrounding our dear proto-Dragon's Watch, we also have a lot of Bloomanoo and Penelopee dialogues cut. For those who weren't around in LWS1, these are two quaggans first introduced in ToN, who had cameos in almost every (or every other) episode until they settled down in the rebuilt Lion's Arch at the end of Season 2. They would often show up in a place that would soon to be attacked by Scarlet's or Mordremoth's forces, making them a hilarious harbinger of doom duo.
Also not making it was the quaggans refugees who took refuge in Fort Salma. There wasn't much, but those poor quaggans.
Lastly, did you know that the finale of Tower of Nightmares was also the very first time we met Belinda? She even had dialogue for whether or not you were involved.
Overall, Tower of Nightmares had the most content cut from its return. Mainly, I imagine, because it was worldbuilding fluff and not part of the Golden Path, like Ottilia, the Dragon Bash Protestors, and Hobo-Tron.
Battle for Lion's Arch
Surprisingly, Battle for Lion's Arch was perhaps the most comprehensive and inclusive of all five releases, making the fewest reductions, changes, or additions. To the point that as I write this, I can only think of two points (besides the Assault Knight model change).
First, we have Canach. While he does show up in Fort Marriner, his audio lines and dialogue with Sheriff Siriam were removed. He was also removed from Escape from Lion's Arch instance, though it a minor appearance.
Escape from Lion's Arch is the second point. Due to the reduced area of the zone players could access during that story instance, several events and related dialogues were removed. The two critical pieces were the escorts of the ogres and the racing moas - especially, curiously, the racing moas.
Though the wiki does not have the dialogue (for some reason), it was a plot point that during the escort for the moas, the group woudl be attacked by a giant Toxic Wurm Queen, leading to the follow-up event. Narratively, this wurm queen eats the moas. Tigg even commented on it, blaming the players for the moas' deaths. And in Dragon Bash's return in Hoelbrak, we get a new set of moas, including one named after one of the dead moas.
But in LWS1R, the moas (and other escort NPCs) are there to interact with and they vanish, presumably escaping the city without issue. The moas never die - they survive now.
But the dialogue of their death remains.
70 notes
·
View notes
Note
Since we are definitely reaching the final climax of the Todoroki Family Saga in Chapter 390, looking back 100 chapters ago at Chapter 290 how satisfying was Dabi's Dance knowing everything we know now?
I love Endeavor as a character study, but I couldn't be the only one to feel happy when he got pushed into a corner by Dabi and saw him pathetically apologize to his family while crying.
I hope Shoto saves his family in time.
Well, that’s a tricky question. I mean if you’re asking for the entire fallout of 290, we’re talking about over a quarter of the series at this point. Lots to go over my thoughts on.
Thinking about it, I think I can confidently say a lot about Dabi himself was quite satisfying. I mean, I don’t like his mental deterioration, but then he might actually be fighting through that in this chapter, we’ll have to see. But other than that, it was great to get such insight into his character; I mean yeah we already assumed some of it was true in our fanon, but some of it was genuinely new info on him. And I found it neat how that was reflected in him being more close & open with the League post-reveal, an aspect to him I feel is easy to forget when we talk about his family so much lately.
Endeavor…it would be polite to call him a mixed bag. I liked him being treated as being in the wrong, as the one responsible for fixing this, and vindictively I liked when he's shown pathetically as you described. I also like that his family hasn’t really forgiven him at all, they just expect him to help save Touya; kind of using him the way he used them.
That said it was already laborious to sit through his pity parties before 290, and that has not improved. Also the idea he’s expected to make up for his mistakes is really hurt by how little he's really done. He dodged his responsibility so much in that time for the AFO fight (which he really wasn’t needed for) that in 100 chapters he’s said one (1) nice thing to Touya, “I don’t want you to die,” and that’s it, that’s how much he’s personally made up for things with Touya. (Unless you count literally looking in his direction.)
Shoto; I still don’t think is ready to save Touya. He’s only thinking about one of his brother’s issues & he’s not very sympathetic to him on it because of how much of a villain he’s been. I mostly feel bad for him, for being put in this situation having to clean up the his dad put the family in; specifically because I don’t think he’s as well equipped to do that as everyone around him thinks he is. He can stop the bomb, yeah, but he doesn't seem ready to reach his brother. (Incidentally may I direct everyone to my part 2 theory again?)
And I guess to end on my overall thoughts on the plotline: I do overall like it, even if some aspects of it feel off or rub me the wrong way. Mainly because I approach it from the angle of Dabi, who has become such a great character through it; and I was already a big fan to begin with. But I'm just not convinced it's ready for its climax as you describe when his relationship with his family is still so rocky that 'Mr. Closed-Off' here might be closer & more accepted in the League right now. So there's some dissonance there for me I'm not sure what to do with.
Eh, I'll figure it out as the plot develops further.
#ask & reply#bnha#dabi#touya todoroki#league of villains#lov#paranormal liberation front#PLF#enji todoroki#anti endeavor#shoto todoroki#class 1a#I feel like I haven't gotten half my thoughts on the Todo plot out here;#But I like to answer asks moderately swiftly when I can so it'll do.
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
I keep seeing lots of takes about Megatron in Earthspark that I feel like don't reflect his characterization... I see people saying things like, "He's a good guy now and I hate it and it's boring/wrong," or "He's a good guy now and I love to see it and he's been completely redeemed for me," or sometimes, "Why isn't he fighting harder about what's happening to the Decepticons in prison?!" etc.
What I feel like people keep missing are the facts that 1) Megatron is deeply flawed and a giant hypocrite in Earthspark and he knows it, and 2) the fact that he's not putting in the work to advocate more for his former soldiers is the way in which he is flawed. He is also clearly aware of this, feels guilty, but his fear and belief that his ultimate goal is right is preventing him from acting... and this is good, nuanced writing on the part of the team behind this show. He is an interesting character who is both clearly used to shutting down dissent through violence, yet is also quick to fold when in conflict with the people in power on the side he switched to late in the War. I explain in more depth below the cut:
Megatron expresses a desire to see his former soldiers be treated better, such as when he claims he'll make sure Soundwave is treated well in prison, and then he obviously never follows up on this. He also decides to attack Soundwave while also claiming their conflict is not personal, when it blatantly is. This isn't the behavior of a completely morally good character, and it points to a past of Megatron being used to getting his way with violence and threats. We can also see that he has given up on Cybertronian life in many ways and is guilty about how his own actions potentially will lead to its slow destruction over time. This is all pretty clearly indicated when Thrash feels bitter about Megatron putting the entire future of his species on the Terrans when it is in fact Megatron's fault that Cybertronian life may be lost, while Mo believes that Megatron doesn't want them to end up repeating the mistakes he made.
I think there's also something that will probably be discussed later which is that Megatron switched sides right when victory was within grasp for the Decepticons, and he says it was because Dot showed him compassion (we haven't seen this yet, presumably it is being saved for a grand reveal later)... only for Megatron to continually fold when his own former troops are being tortured and not treated with compassion in the present. I think it's easy to see that it's guilt causing him to become so hypocritical. Over time, I think we'll continue to see other Decepticons being really angry at Megatron for this, and that is justified.
TL;DR Earthspark's Megatron is a unique take on the character, one who, while being as strongly dedicated to an ultimate goal as he usually is, has also become increasingly willing to fold when confronted with conflict because of his own cognitive dissonance caused by trauma and guilt over how his actions brought about the end of the War. And in my opinion this is very strong, multi-faceted writing for the character. This isn't just a flat, "Post-redemption arc Megatron!" situation. It's a Megatron who, while working alongside heroic characters and having positive qualities, has become someone who in many ways is a hypocrite and a coward.
#transformers earthspark#earthspark spoilers#Megatron#my analysis#I think we're probably going to get a situation where a Decepticon calls him out#being like “So when you do all these things it's compassionate? While we're tortured in prison for fifteen years?”#which at the same time doesn't negate the fact that Megatron was right to want the War to end#it's complex#I also like that he continues to default to violence and never swore off using it#but sometimes he uses it for the wrong reasons#he is infinitely better than like... the Autobot Megatron from IDW
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
Chapter 5: Dissonance
Pleasure Principle Series
Main Masterlist/ Dave York Masterlist
Dave York x Kiara (plus size OFC)
This Fanfiction is 18+
Summary: Dave and Kiara can't seem to agree on anything that's not physical. A separation occurs and reflection is had by both parties.
Warnings: cursing, mentions of sexual activity, a little blood, poor communication, Kiara's mom, implied domestic Dave?
Word Count: approx 4k (feelings are big 🫢)
Notes: This chapter is pretty tame actually. We're setting up for the next one. Context and all that jazz. I pinkie swear more smut is coming. Can't leave you high and dry? 😜 Plus I do smut with feelings now, sometimes.
Kiara called Dave ‘David,’ he didn't like that at all. She did it on purpose to piss him off. Tired of being led on and tired of not being fucked. Tired of wondering if they were going anywhere together or if they were just filling each other's needs for a time. After putting the medical supplies away, she leaned her forehead against her bedroom wall. She might be fine if it was just sex, but it’s not. He’s invaded her space since the first night. Granted she thoroughly enjoyed him doing so, but she thought there would be a separation. It also begged the question: did she want him to stay? Is that why she’s reacting like this?
Dave barrels upstairs, anger on his face but his tone is measured when he speaks.
“Call me by my name Kiara.”
“I’ll call you Dave when you tell me how long this is going to go on.. I’m not good with this ambiguous shit.” She does not turn to face him. If she does, he may see her eyes. They’ll rat her out. Dave’s nothing if not observant, much more than she is. He knew when all her shifts were, about how long it took her to get home. The shows she liked to watch, music she likes, what did she know about him? He’s at the very least some type of ex-military something. What exactly, she didn’t know. The man exudes confidence and can back it up though his speech, never using more words that needed but can be deviously charming when the need arises. God his mouth… even while she was pissed, the memory of it causes her to move her feet a bit closer so her large thighs press together. Damn him…
“You’re not? News to me, the last few weeks you’ve been fine with me buried in your soaked pussy while you attempted to suck the skin off my dick. We didn’t need to say anything else.” The assassin places his hands on her shoulders and turns her around to face him then, an arm at either side of her body to box her in against the wall, but doesn’t touch her again.
“But you also stay the night. Eat out with me-“ Dave laughs. Fucking smile, arrogant ass grin. Kiara can’t look at him in the face, she needs to stay mad. Confronting him is the only way to get an answer out of him. He always tells her she’s not ready, but for what?
“Just…you’re becoming…” The nurse is nervous that she’s admitting it. Saying it aloud is worse than just running it through her mind. It will be out and she won’t be able to take it back. Dave sighs, his broad shoulders slump slightly.
“Important is what you mean Peach. I know.” Her face snaps back to his. He knows?!
“If you know then why? Do you like fucking with me emotionally as well? I get sexually and I enjoy that about you…” She’s losing composure. She wants to grab hold of him, but he’s not that type of man. Casually in front of a TV or out and about is different then this type of intimacy, craving a comforting touch. Dave is much too hardened for that and she had no idea why. Her lips are quivering as she focuses on him. His face tells her nothing, gives nothing. How can he not react at all?
“Kiara you’re the one who hooked me in with emotions. I really was just going to fuck you and make it a few times a week. You being so open with what you wanted and letting me mark you. Use you, such a damn juicy and sweet Peach for me… It had me think about feelings I haven’t had since before I became the man I am now.” Dave peered into her honey eyes. It was something he had thought about since the first night. He had the idea and it was nagging at him, always on the edge of his thoughts.
“What…What feelings are you talking about Dave?” He doesn’t answer but keeps eye contact. She touches his face. “Are you saying you…what kind of feelings do you have for me? What do you want from me?” He could just tell her, but that required him to be honest. Something he has not been for years, it’s been a requirement not to be. He survived because he wasn’t. Deception, misdirection and backstabbing had kept him alive and his family fed and clothed since his military unit was disbanded, thanking him and his colleagues for their service to the Government.
“Don’t put it like that. You’re mine. I’m as unbridled in my desires as you are. It’s why we’re good together. You and I.” The confidant smirk on his face. The indignation returned. How dare he? Claim her while dismissing her at the same time. The gall of this man. Kiara wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned up to his cheek, giving it a small peck.
“Is that why you won’t fuck me Dave? Because we’re so good together?” A smirk for a smirk. If he’s going to say something as off the wall as ‘you’re the one who hooked me in with emotions,’ then he’s about to learn how petty she can be.
His lips tighten as he backs away. Still staring at her. His hands tighten into fists, his right hand turning crimson again from the pressure to his laceration. “I don’t need to tell you why I won’t fuck you. I told you you’re not ready.”
“You never said why I’m not ready. Is there a way I should be preparing for you Dave?” Kiara can see his face change now, he’s seething, jaw clenched. Normally this would be a moment where the nurse would see if she can either get another barrier between herself and whoever was angry at her or haul ass to the nearest exit. She knew. This was what she wanted. She was always the one who came undone, crying, overstimulated from his hands, lips, chest, toys, anything he felt like using on her. She wasn’t able to do the same, but she could break him by appealing to his pathos which he despised, more intensely then even she thought.
“You’re really going to be pushing this aren’t you? Just follow my-” Dave released his fists upon feeling wetness in his right hand, he likely had messed up the wrap she had put on it. Kiara was being entirely too bold. She apparently had forgotten that she’s supposed to adjust to him. Why wasn’t he fighting her so much on it then? Was he tired of not admitting it? No, he had told himself downstairs already what would happen if he did what he originally planned.
“Dave your hand,” Kiara’s eyes darted to her right and saw the blood, “Dave. Let me look at it.” The fingers from his right hand touched her cheek, smearing a few drops on her cheek. She looked beautiful in red, did he want to draw her into this world? He’s been able to keep them separate with his previous marriage, so much so that his ex-wife really still thinks he’s a contractor for the FBI. Kiara knows, not everything but enough to where she’d put some pieces together.
“No. Not right now. Just let me…Fuck.” Dave whispered to himself. Her concern and confusion were understandable, but he didn’t care. “You want to know how I really feel about you. What I really think Peach? Fine.” He placed his bloody hand on the back of her neck, pulling her in for a kiss. She didn’t react at first, but her fingers found their way into the loops of his cargo pants. It could have been the frustration at not really saying what they meant or that they had just been arguing but as their tongues danced, they crept toward the bed falling onto it and laughing at how absurd the situation was.
It was then that Kiara initiated the kiss this time, grabbing Dave’s shoulders and pinning him under her. But after a few more make out sessions they both fell asleep in their clothes. Blood smeared on the pillows sheets and their clothes.
The pair were greeted by the sunlight of a new day.
Dave was awakened first. He cleaned and re-wrapped his hand, leaving a note for Kiara that he’d be back in a few days without injuries and an actual explanation. He watched her sleeping form, the blood he’d wiped on the back of her neck and smeared on the pillow and from where his hands had roamed, the stains may not come out of her robe or her sleep shirt. Staying would be good. It would actually be the correct thing to do, have another breakfast, sit and talk. But he did actually have an assignment that he needed to do. Could he commit to another woman? Did he want to?
“Peach, I’m not going to let you go, even if you’re pissed at me.” He walked back over to the bed and sat on the edge, Kiara rolled over toward the warmth but didn’t wake. His fingers ran across her cheek, heard a soft sigh. “So responsive, Kiara. When I come back, I’ll tell you why. You’ll think I’m an idiot but...” He chuckled to himself before standing and making his way to the bedroom door. He looked back one more time at her sleeping form, “I just can’t help the way you make me feel. I thought I hated it. I don’t. You’re also not getting away with calling me David.” The assassin exited out of the house, making sure to lock the door.
Dave and Kiara communicated via text mainly over the next month. The independent contractor couldn’t go into details but he said that the assignment had evolved into a large project, one that was becoming more and more tedious according to Dave. He only gave her the broad strokes, details involved that two of the targets were already down and their hard drives were wiped. Their homes and offices were ransacked, making it look like Corporate espionage and pinned the frame job on an opposing company so it would look like the two were instigating and fighting each other. Initially, it was just supposed to be the murder of the two targets, but more money was offered for the hardrives and the ransacking. Dave put his foot down after the frame job. It was becoming way too involved for his taste so he bowed him and his team out. More money was offered but it wasn’t worth getting that involved.
York also had a more pressing matter to attend to. He needed to see her. He told her that he’d explain via his three burner phones when he saw Kiara again, but he could tell even over text that she was getting frustrated again. And that was a week ago when he last texted her. York didn’t recall who stopped replying first. It didn’t really matter, he wasn’t going to play into it this time though. She’s fine to stew for a bit and the real lesson will take place when I get back… Dave rubbed his temples. Looking around the hotel he was put up in, it was fine. He’s been in better, but it’s only for tonight. He just needed a place to sleep though he wasn’t sleeping as well as he had been. Rubbing his neck, he took a shower to try and relieve some tension, it only helped slightly. Drying off and plopping down on the bed, it still lingered. I was going to say home. It didn’t take long. I haven’t gone soft have I? No, I just…fucking care dammit. He checked in with his team, who were in a few different hotels, and they were preparing to depart tomorrow morning as well. They’d separate for two weeks then meet up for their pay out and debrief. Dave shook his head and dozed off a few times during the night.
Kiara on the other hand, was not taking the lack of communication well. She was aware that he couldn’t go into detail about his work. It was better for her that he didn’t. However they had managed to sort of not be mad at each other through their intense and bloody make out session, it didn’t resolve anything. His note was still on her bedside table and she was angry with herself for looking at it when she woke up each morning. Maybe she was more frustrated than anything, despite her attempt, Dave still had the upper hand and he wasn’t here. It was then that she decided to pack a weekend bag and visit her family. She had stopped texting him when he mentioned that he had to ‘step away for a bit.’ It meant that he was about to go do, well whatever dangerous shit he was doing. The nurse knew she should have reached back out, but picked up an extra shift to distract herself from typing the same message repeatedly and not sending it.
The drive to her parents’ home was good, a few hours to listen to her playlists and zone out. Kiara found that she should have called ahead first though. There were too many cars out front…was something going on?
“Hey baby! You were able to make it! Your brother is visiting from Tennessee. Come on in!” Her mother had seen her from the window and came out of the house in her husband's oversized flip-flops. It was quite a funny sight and Kiara laughed when getting out of the car with her bag and purse.
“Hey Mom. I didn’t know they were coming in this weekend. Are they staying?” She asked on the way into the house, removing her hoses and taking out her slippers to put on. No shoes past the foyer.
“Socks, barefoot or slippers only. Lest you’re gonna start sweeping young lady.” Kiara recalled from her childhood. There were so many happy memories in this home, it was then that her mother said something odd.
“I thought your handsome friend would have told you. Your brother and his wife are stopping by before driving to see some friends outside of New York, then they’re going to come back and stay for a few days. They may be back in the middle of next week.” Her mother explained as Kiara sat down in the living room. Everyone else was in the den, laughter could be heard even with the door closed.
“Wait…what handsome friend?” The nurse asked her mother, holding her hand as her mother went to put on her purple sweater she wore around the house. Even after ten years, that sweater was still in pretty good shape. She laughed and kissed Kiara’s cheek, flicking her hand off, put on her sweater and sat on the couch, patting the seat on the couch next to her.
“He was tall, wearing a gorgeous dark gray suit. You can always tell a lot about a man and how he wears a suit. It was tailored and fit him quite well. No wedding ring and a nice full head of hair. I mean do prefer my men bald like your father, but his hair looked very soft. He seemed very nice. We had a light lunch while you were at work and chatted a bit. Dave I believe his name is. Why haven’t you told me about him? I hope it’s not one of those…what’s it called…situationships or whatever… He seems like a good man. He brought groceries and was putting them away.” After the initial shock of what her mother was saying, Kiara was forced to think. As pissed as she was at Dave, she couldn’t recall over the last few months, when she’d last gone to the grocery store or picked up her medications. She knew she did her laundry, but not as often as before maybe…so wait…is Dave really doing all this stuff? He is isn’t he…but then why won’t he just have sex with her? Is it a game? But then why be chummy with her mom?
“I was coming to check on you and see if you needed anything but it looks like you’re in excellent hands. I picked his brain about a few things while lunch settled and he walked me to my car. I didn’t tell your father about him yet though, he’d want to talk his ear off about the Marines and how it’s different from when he served. No one wants that.” She chuckled and patted Kiara’s knee. “I see you panicking, baby. Whatever it is, you should talk to him calmly. I know you can get loud and hold a grudge. Come on, let’s go see your brother and his wife. They can see you and then get out of my house. You know what they brought?! They brought your father a damn ten gallon hat and me one of those confounded jean skirts. What the hell do I look like wearing one of those?!” Kiara leaned on the door frame of the den after her mother opened the door. The woman’s face changed from that of annoyance to glee as she saw her grandchild and the little girl ran up to her.
Her brother’s visit listed a few more hours and then they hit the road. Kiara’s father strutted about the house in his new hat and wore it while watching his Gunsmoke DVDs but her mother folded the shirt and put it in the winter clothes bin never to be seen again, huffing that her daughter in law should have just got her a target gift card. Her parents fixed dinner and they ate together, laughing and reminiscing. It was a good escape for her, though when she went to bed that night, she was left with more questions. Kiara decided she would reach out first. She had checked her phone and didn’t see any new messages from any unknown numbers, though she wasn’t sure if he needed to switch phones again. She decided to send it to what she called his ‘off-duty’ phone, though she maybe shouldn’t have done it at 3am while she was still awake and pissed, why wouldn’t he mention meeting her mom? Has he gone through all the stuff in her house? What has he seen in her house?
So I visited my parents’ house and you didn’t mention that you met my mom, made her lunch and hung out with her. The more I think about things, the more ingrained you are in my life Dave. And I’m not entirely sure how you did it, but you did, like everything I guess. So are you just keeping me focused on work and doing kinky shit with you?
What does this all amount to? What do I mean to you?
You’d better explain like your note said. It’s still on my nightstand.
I had some holiday days to use up so I’ll be off for the upcoming week, if you don’t come home yet, then I’ll move some stuff around and see if you can find it while I’m at work since you know where everything is.
Kiara read over what she had sent him and realized a fatal error - she had referenced him coming home. That’s not weird right, he had been sleeping in her bed every night that he wasn’t on his ‘assignments’ but it’s her home. “He probably knows where my damn pads and razors are for goodness’ sake. It’s become more of his house and he didn’t even have to change any decor.” She decided to type out a follow-up before laying back down and sighing,
Do you want it to be your home too Dave? Is it already? It is weird when you’re not there. I’m insane, what am I even saying
Kiara decided to set her phone on the charger and send it, unaware that Dave was home and watching his phone flicker with the three little dots before they disappeared. She figured he wouldn’t see it for at least a few more days.
He had been reading along as she had been sending the texts after he’d got in. The plane ride back was shorter than expected and he came straight to her house. Dave had been in the kitchen when the first text came in and he silently cursed himself. He was going to mention meeting her mother but then he had a job that evening and had been injured, then they argued after she patched him up. Didn’t really leave much of a discussion after since he had to leave again.
Meeting Kiara’s mother was unexpected, but not unpleasant. She was actually funny and he learned a bit more about his peach and her family life. It seems that what he had found in his research was correct, it was a fairly stable childhood with a two parent household and she was indeed the only girl of a blended family. He did appreciate that her mother didn't distinguish between any of the children by calling them step-sons or daughter in laws. They were all her sons and daughters. Her mother did surprise him though, she told him that if he made her daughter cry or hurt her, she would cut him from ear to ear and removed a switchblade from her purse and smiled at Dave. Nodding he understood her intent and had even more respect for her in that he didn’t see it coming. He had assumed her arthritic hands wouldn’t be able to move so agility, but Kiara had mentioned that she recently had to discourage her mother from working on the roof herself. While walking the woman to the car, she gave him a hug and told him that, “we’ll see how things how things go between you two and I may call you son too Dave. Have a good afternoon.” She hopped in her car and drove off.
Dave was much more comfortable in Kiara’s bed then he had been the last month, her scent calmed him and he started at the ceiling. “It’s also weird when you’re not here Kiara.” He did chuckle at how she hadn’t noticed what exactly he had been doing for her this whole time, it meant that he was keeping her sufficiently distracted. He’d been slowly learning her home and maybe before this latest assignment, he was moving his belongings in, not that he had much in his condo anyway. He could sell the place and have one less end to tie up if need be. The money can go toward and trust for his daughters and take Kiara on a small trip to start.
“I’m planning a damn life with her for fuck’s sake. It’s a horrible idea. Didn’t work the first time.” Dave recalled what he thought one evening when they were watching some British baking show. There was an older woman with bright pink lipstick talking about someone’s ‘great bake’ that maybe was a squirrel? And there was a man with white hair, maybe it once was platinum blonde, but that’s white, he dyed it white. Kiara was watching intently, her large legs draped over Dave’s lap where he rubbed her skin, slowly, pressing into her flesh, he found it relaxing with the repeated motion and the weight of her legs made him feel grounded. He looked over at her with a small smile, shaking his head slowly. He’s watching this crazy ass show because he knows she’ll watch it for hours at a time and that means he gets to sit like this for those same hours. Under her weight, pressing into her skin and feeling content, hearing her laugh and talk at the TV, asking him if he saw what one of the bakers dropped, could it ruin their bake. Despite refuting it for years, the former marine still longed to hold onto something or someone.
“You’re not the only insane one Peach.” Dave muttered to himself as he drifted off to sleep, he’d tell her when she came home, well to their home now.
Dave York apologists: @yorksgirl @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @goodwithcheese @musings-of-a-rose @iamasaddie @legendary-pink-dot @morallyinept @for-a-longlongtime @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @megamindsecretlair @daddy-dins-girl
#pedro pascal characters#fanfiction#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal#dave york x plus size reader#Pleasure Principle#The York Pit#Getting deeper with feelings#dave york#dave york x female reader
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Reflections: Cillian Murphy’s Limited Edition
Series 3, episode 2
———————————————————————
*I am a music prof (predominantly classical vocalist), and I LOVE listening to Cillian’s music choices! That being said, sometimes I won’t like a song simply because of a vocalist (it’s a professional hazard - sorry!) 👩🏫
** The following are my own observations/opinions. We may not agree, and that’s ok! That’s what makes music fun! 😊
*** I wouldn’t say I’m well-versed in Cillian’s music preferences, but I do enjoy them (for the most part). I always wind up adding to my own playlists after listening to Cillian’s recommendations.
———————————————————————
And now for episode 2…
🎵 Set 1 (Gonna Be - Sun King)
Gonna Be: an interesting beginning! I like the layers of motivic play from low, mid, and high parts of the texture. Fun instrument and sound effect choices, as well!
Come Home: harmonies are dense, but so wholesome and satisfying. It reminds me of a lot of Americana material.
Sun King: I LOVE THE BEATLES SO UNIRONICALLY 😍😍😍😍. Also, Abbey Road had its birthday this past week! 😊
🎤Talking Break
“Blathering blindly”
“Bus stops along the way”
He sounds more chill this time than last week? His voice is giving serious ASMR vibes
“Treash”
His love of close harmonies is so valid 👌
That’s adorable him asking his dad about the faux Italian in “Sun King” 😂
🎵Set 2 (SpongeBob -
SpongeBob: I promise you that this is the last thing I think of in association with SpongeBob! 😅 while this is objectively good, it’s not my cup of tea. I do like that I can understand/follow the lyrics. Well done and well constructed.
Officina stellare: I like this! A fun, atmospheric piece.
I’m not sure why this and SpongeBob go together, but the juxtaposition is striking.
🎤Talking Break:
Italian pronunciation should be: oh-fee-chee-nah steh-lah-rey
“Brilliant atmosphere of doom” ok… way to bring down the vibe, Cillian! 😅
🎵Set 3 (Weird Lullaby - Nite Owl)
Weird Lullaby: I do enjoy some good, original jazz. Swing era, and an unorthodox use of scat. I looked up Babs, and I need to find more of his stuff. He’s got an enjoyable voice, and approaches harmonies in a beautiful way.
Nite Owl: even though this is also an “oldie,” it is a STRONG difference compared with the previous!!! But I like this - what a feel good song! Good use of what is now called a “twang” vocal technique (twang isn’t just for country music).
🎤Talking Break
Now I need to listen to Frank Zappa’s Jukebox…
Joke’s on you, Cillian! First time I listened to this I was NOT “headphoned up!” 😂 I know, I’m such a rebel! 😂😂 Jk I was too lazy to go get my AirPods
🎵Set 4 (Trees, etc. - A Slice of the Top)
Trees, etc: well, it’s certainly better/more enjoyable than “Revolution 9” - that is one trippy, scary song! But I’ll be honest, I expected more “sound directionality” when he said to “headphone up,” like when you can hear the direction of the sound change from left to right. Regardless, this is a cool concept piece.
A Slice Of The Top: more jazzy, for sure. I’m loving the different riffs! Something about it sounds like Afro-Cuban jazz, but idk why? Maybe it’s the background rhythms? Fun dissonant harmonies, though!
🎤Talking Break:
“There is some coherence… somewhere”
🎵Set 5 (Dr. Ring Ding -Jack Ruby)
Dr. Ring Ding: the intro is so weird 😅 but no, this is a cool song. Again, I always appreciate some good riffs/solos!
Jack Ruby: same artist!! Wow! And man, I just wanna dance listening to these songs!💃
🎤Talking Break
A Cork specific question!
I saw somewhere someone was asking what a “boogie” is supposed to mean. I *think* (?) it’s just a jam session or performance of some kind??? At lest that’s how I’m interpreting this story.
A pub called Snotty Joe’s?! 😂😂😂
Ejected from establishments 😂😂😂😂
Corkonians
“Brilliantly sound self”
🎵Set 6 (Gone Daddy Gone - Downtown Train)
Gone Daddy Gone: ok, this is a boogie, if I say so! The instrumental track is fun, though repetitive. The vocal line is fairly monotone. Idk why monotone songs work, but they do (Mr. Brightside is a great example of monotone done right)! And a marimba solo?! Yes, please! 🤩
Downtown Train: ok… Tom Waits’ voice is not my favorite. That being said, this is a good song. It’s not something I would listen to often because of the vocals, but it’s definitely got merit. And something about this is so nostalgic?
🎤Talking Break
Aretha!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍
Yay archive material!!!
“Baby, baby, baby”
🎵Set 7 (Baby, Baby, Baby)
Baby, baby, baby: I have no words. Aretha has SUCH a lovely, effortless-sounding voice! And her songs are so soulful! Perfection. 💯
🎤Talking Break
Thoughts on Bill: he’s eclectic. But his description is vague and I wish he’d be more specific.
🎵Set 8 (Free’s - Weird Sisters)
Free’s: the melody isn’t ambitious (almost like a recitative), but his voice has a nice, rich quality to it! And the instrumentation is fun! Almost like a little jazzy flute riff along with atmospheric backing.
Weird Sisters: enjoyable song! Definitely enjoying the slow build in texture - well done.
As a voice teacher, I want to double check some vocal production techniques of his. I’m not sure if some of the vocal anomalies I’m hearing are purposeful or not. I think they’re done on purpose, but if not, he should go visit an ENT (the doctor, not the talking tree). TLDR: vocal health is important.
🎤Talking Break
Oh no… not more weird dude from Yorkshire 😅
I’m still so confused.
Ok… an introduction to the next artist.
🎵Set 9 (Micael)
Micael: I like this song a lot. Guitar is haunting, atmospheric, and repetitive. The other instrumental and sound effects in the back are nice additions! The vocal line and it’s layers just keep adding to the strangeness of this song. It’s a puzzle, and I think that’s why I like it - it keeps you on your toes!
🎤Talking Break
An exclusive! 🙀
Oooh… a book reading!
Comments on Jarvis: yes. Music is a magic trick! His French is good. *the tingle* - yep! So important!
“Pop music was real music as far as I was concerned” - I do disagree with this point. All music is real. You may not like it, but that’s a different subject 🤷♀️
🎵Set 10 (Black Magic)
Black Magic: why is this such a banger??? 😎😎😎 the bell line is a really nice touch, and I like it’s unique and unexpected melody compared to the more predictable vocal line and chorus.
🎤Talking Break:
“Thank you, Jarvis”
🎵Set 11 (Harmoniser Dub - The Smoke)
Harmoniser Dub: for something with “harmonize” in the title, there isn’t much harmonizing… (I know, I’m being purposefully obtuse) 😂 but a fun use of electronic sounds and non-vocal music!
The Smoke: I like this a lot more than the previous song! Lots of unexpected rhythmic pauses, and the mysterious vocal line is cool 😎 I like how this song is constantly morphing and borrowing styles to form a whole.
🎤Talking Break
Love remixes!
“No let’s not play the ident”
“Friends”
🎵Set 12 (Lwonsome Tonight - All Souls)
Lwonsome Tonight: now I have a complicated relationship with her voice. She purposefully sings in a thin, unsupported style and in a difficult portion of her range to create a specific haunting/folksy effect. I get it, but I don’t care for it. Good storytelling, and the vocal melody has an interesting contour.
All Souls: a strong contrast with the previous song! I like the electronic distortion and sub-pulses. 👍 the piano line is reminiscent of some of the driving pulses in funeral marches, so that’s a cool touch. I would say I prefer this song to the other one featured.
🎤Talking Break
I do love covers
🎵Set 13 (PinkMoon - Paprika Pony)
Pink Moon: I like this! Fun electronic components, and a pleasant head-dominant vocal production. This is such a vibe! ✨
Side note: isn’t AURORA featured in Frozen 2?
Paprika Pony: WHOA what a contrast! This is all clear-cut edges where the previous is all soft and fluffy. I know that has nothing to do with musical qualities, but that’s how I’m hearing it tonight.
I guess this set is tied together by alliteration? 😂
🎤Talking Break
“Anthemic” - I did not know that was a word!
🎵Set 14 (Stand Anthem)
Stand Anthem: I’m sorry, Cill, but I don’t like this. I enjoyed the first 20 seconds? It does have a “We Are The World” vibe, but it’s so repetitive. I think it’s the “stand” portions I dislike most - they don’t go anywhere. There’s no sense of build or momentum, and I’d really like to have that featured, especially in an anthem!
🎤Talking Break
Yay! Irish music!
Set 15 (Foreign Fleas)
Foreign Fleas: dude, this sounds dark and scary! 🫣 but that’s not a bad thing! I’m just a wimp 😂 but there are some nice, crunchy, dissonant harmonies in the vocal line. 👍
🎤Talking Break
“Brave and moving act of communication”
“Multitudinal”
What’s a Wally???
“Mind yourselves”
🎵Set 16 (Become the Earth - Distant Sky)
Become the Earth: oddly enough, I would describe her voice as “earthy” 😂 the simplicity of this song is nice. Heavily produced stuff is nice, but so is something like this. There’s still some post-production parts, but it’s not overwhelming. I did like that descending and ascending slide in the backing vocals! That was cool!!!
Distant Sky: Nick Cave is one of those artists who has such a gift when it comes to storytelling. However, his voice isn’t my favorite. That being said, what he adds instrumentally and through storytelling outweighs his vocal production (which is also a choice, I believe). And the juxtaposition of Nick and Else Torp is just wow! Overall, this is a beautiful song, and I’m happy the show ended so strongly with this gorgeous piece.
———————————————————————
And that’s episode 2! Honestly, I’m surprised I was able to get this out by Friday - this week has been hectic! 😂😅
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Feel feee to share/comment! 😊
Tag List:
@iammrsrogers @deliciousnutcomputer @mariamoonie @brownskinsugarplum76 @look-at-the-soul @kj-davis @neverroad @teapothollow @thepurplearmyposts @possessedmarshmallow
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
recently, i’ve been thinking about what a 100% social link/confidant run is like from the perspective of the persona protagonists, rather than the player. i’ve always been a sucker for thinking about the type of narrative created by a person’s gameplay choices (it can be so fun and deep) so!! i wrote this analysis / musing.
some notes before we start: this was written with the lens of persona 3 being the most recent game i played- but the concepts are applicable to the p4/p5 protagonists as well! no spoilers for any of the games are mentioned; this is moreso a general discussion of ludonarrative dissonance with the game mechanics and narrative and how it makes for fun angst (ft. personal interpretation).
(more under the cut!)
the framework: game mechanics
in all of the games, the social link system’s existence coincides with the social stats mechanic. certain social links require a specific set of stats in order to initiate it, or surpass a certain rank. each game has around 20 of these- each of which represent the major arcana (+ some bonuses, e.g. aeon / jester / faith / councilor).
for any players going for a 100% social link run, this basically requires each social stat to be maxed out. anyone who’s followed a guide for a 100% run would know that the beginning of the game tends to be very “strict” with how time can be used, most of which involves getting the stats raised as soon as possible.
outside of characterization and worldbuilding, completing social links are incentivized for a variety of gameplay reasons. so how could this completionist play style affect the protagonists?
prioritizing social stats over everything else: a general view
regardless of which protagonist you want to put under a petri dish, with a 100% run, you’re essentially asking the protagonist to form amicable bonds with 20 or so people, give or take. granted, not everyone becomes adjoined to the hip to the protagonist.
personally, i feel that forming 20 different bonds over the course of a year would be rather strenuous. during these 100% runs, the protagonists may feel that they’re spreading themselves thin trying to dedicate their resources to multiple different people as well as raising their “social stats.” i find the implications that this has on said bonds is so, utterly fascinating.
while this isn’t reflected in the game and would be better represented within a fic, i find it difficult to believe that this type of behavior doesn’t have any ramifications on the quality of the protagonist’s closer relationships (or their self-image, for that matter).
just… imagine calling one of your close friends but then they consistently give responses along the lines of “lmao sorry i’m busy doing other things,” and they rarely make the time of day for you. how would you feel? gameplay-wise, this deterioration of the relationship is best represented in persona 3 with social links reversing if you haven’t spent time with them in awhile.
part of my fascination with this concept is influenced by my own experiences. trying to maintain so many relationships can be difficult to keep up with and it quickly gets overwhelming (see dunbar’s number for more information). jumping between so many people also makes it difficult to focus on a few relationships meaningfully- meaning that relationships may be limited to being simple pleasantries. even then, ‘successfully’ keeping every relationship satisfying comes at the cost of being unable to pursue your own development and interests.
overall, i think that trying to do so many things ends up lowering the quality of the relationship(s) involved, especially when you also consider the fatigue from going to school as well as fighting shadows.
playing the therapist friend / listening role: a general view
another aspect of the 100% run that i think about is how the protagonists rarely open up to other people. a good chunk of SLs follow a storyline of the protagonist acting as a therapist friend/helping the other person through one central issue. some SLs are an exception to this and have a more casual “we’re just hanging out vibe.”
basically, SLs tend to be weighted toward the other character’s growth, moreso than the protagonist’s (which is handled by the main story). that said, the idea of mostly playing a listening role across most of your relationships and not having many that you feel comfortable to speak freely about your own stuff… feels really unbalanced and unhealthy?
i do think that part of the lack of “input” can be attributed to the silent-protagonist approach taken in the games (which is a whole ‘nother topic). but!! i find that each protagonist’s options, while limited, are fun to think about! some of the traits and interpretations i’ve seen for the differing protags, to name a few, include:
being afraid to open up / get attached and keeping people at arm’s distance as a result
needing to be around other people, even if it’s just listening them, to distract from their own struggles / pretend nothing’s wrong with them
enjoying helping others, being a good and careful listener who can provide an appropriate and helpful response
the willingness to prioritize others over themselves; a lack of self-preservation
compulsive people pleasing
at its worst, the lack of “protagonist talking” or equal reciprocation in response could be misinterpreted by the other person as disinterest (like they’re talking to a wall). alternatively- the lack of “personal tidbits” could be taken as, “you don’t trust me enough to be able to open up, huh.” and i just think that seeing this in a fic would be the biggest shitshow ever (and i would read that).
concluding thoughts:
overall, i feel that the protagonists taking a predominantly listening approach to several relationships at once can lead to compassion fatigue and general burnout. the protagonists are rarely at the receiving end of being listened to and/or having their issues worked through… and that’s kind of sad?
while the 100% social link run can provide great power to any persona fusions (and other cool battle abilities + hijinks)... i ultimately think that there’d be a lot of mental strain that would make achieving this much more difficult when you take a narrative-emphasized approach.
i do realize that it is possible to see the general vibe of this post as “100% social link is bad,” but like… there’s something i find really appealing about the messiness of attempting to manage so many relations at once- only to fall short in several of them and attempting to salvage the last bits of their sanity. when you think about the complications of the 100% SL run from the shoes of the protagonist… yeah!! that’s the good shit!
anyways! if anyone knows of any fics with this kinda vibe for the p3/4/5 protags… feel free to drop it in my askbox… i like them all VERY much :3c… and if this raised any food for thought- i’d be equally honored! let the protags go through shit i wanna see their emotions and coping mechanisms damn it! 👏
#persona 3#persona 4#persona 5#yes it is 3am and im posting this. i couldn't sleep so i wanted to write something that i've been thinking abt as of late :x#highly recommend looking up ludonarrative dissonance btw! if ur interested in game storywriting its SOO interesting bc its definitely-#an occurence that happens every now and then in a video game. persona included. like.. when game mechanics tell one story but the narrative#-ends up contradicting that (or some other thing in reality ends up doing that...). does that even make sense??#i tried to keep this post general to p3/4/5 but if you know me well enough you'll see how my p3 bias has shaped this post. lmao#i also could go on a tangent about how i feel about orpheus telos as a thing w/rt p3 social links BUT I WONT. unless...?#i have more i want to say on the topic (maybe will do so at a later time) but feel free to ask for more specific hcs with the protags?#maybe not p4kun though just bc ive only watched p4 so i havent had the time to let it sit btwn play sessions#anyway bye im just going to let this float in the void while i sleep. have a good day#meta#hc and au nonsense#lizzy speaks
126 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
hopefulqueer
Queer Who Loves Stories
farizal
farizal.com
mickeytheticklee
hi :)
spaceshipellie
like honey but sweeter
sparklingwaterbender
xSparkling Water Benderx