#is a tag i have from s1 and i’m sticking with it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alyssaforevermore · 27 days

Text

Unearthed ↦ Daryl Dixon season two, part one

Synopsis: Based on the events of The Walking Dead television series, Y/N Grimes, younger sister of Rick Grimes, attempts to survive in a world now inhabited by walkers. Family has always meant everything to her, but in this new world, can she keep her family safe and together?

Show: The Walking Dead (S1-S11)

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader

Warnings: coarse language, violence, character deaths, drug and alcohol references, series spoilers and general The Walking Dead content warnings!

Tags: @1ivinqdeadqir1 @callmeyn @thegeorgiahuntsman @mellxander1993 @bigbaldheadname @cjmonsterwolf @abbi23323 @actuallyklee @lanxsee @livingdeadblondequeen @sweetz1919 @moonmark98 @sarahbaker2010 @ririi-3 @ryoujoking (if you've requested a tag and aren't here, I cannot tag you sadly)

Masterlist

It had been hours since you’d all fled the CDC. You kept replaying everything in your mind, from Lori and Shane to Jacqui staying behind. Things had never felt more bleak than they did right now.

“Looks complicated.” Andrea spoke, sitting at the table in the RV.

Shane sat across from her, cleaning his gun. “The trick is getting all these pieces back together the same way. I could clean yours. Show you how.”

Andrea smiled, handing him her gun.

“Oh yeah.” Shane smiled. “It’s a sweet piece.”

“It was a gift from my father.” Andrea responded.

You stared at Shane, your eyes narrowing as you tuned out Andrea. Seeing him carry on like normal, as if he’d done nothing wrong, made your blood boil. As if he didn’t know you knew; as if he didn’t know you saw it.

“Oh jeez.” Dale’s voice caught your attention. “Do you see a way through?”

You stood up, heading to the front of the RV. Dale was in the driver's seat while Glenn sat in the passenger’s seat. Ahead of you were hundreds of cars, abandoned throughout the highway. Many cars’ doors were open, the occupants probably having fled in a hurry.

Glenn frowned. “Maybe we should just go back? There’s an interstate bypass-“

Dale shook his head. “We can’t spare the fuel.”

You pointed to a narrow open space. “Can we get through there?”

As the words left your lips, smoke began leaking out of the front of the RV.

“Didn’t I say it?” Dale shook his head. “I said it a thousand times.”

Shane appeared at your side. “Is there a problem, Dale?”

Dale stopped the RV. “Oh, just a small problem of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no hope of-“ he paused, looking around. “Okay, that was dumb.”

“Is it the hose again?” You asked.

“Most likely.”

You all piled off the RV, meeting with the others who had driven behind you.

“Think you can find a radiator hose here?” Shane questioned.

“Definitely.” Dale nodded.

“There’s a whole bunch of stuff we can find.” Daryl pointed out.

You nodded. “We can siphon some fuel from these cars, for starters.”

“Maybe find some water.” Carol added.

Glenn nodded. “Or food.”

“This is a graveyard.” Lori spoke up. “I just don’t know how to feel about this.”

You let out a low sigh. “Now’s not the time to have a conscience. We’re tired, thirsty and hungry. They’re dead.”

Everyone stared at you for a moment, the coldness of your words catching them off guard. Not Daryl, though. You knew he was probably thinking the same thing anyways.

“We should split up, cover more ground.” He mumbled, walking away from the group.

Before anyone could respond, you jogged off to catch up to him.

“Have you given any more thought to sticking around?” You asked, your voice hushed.

“I’m here, ain’t I?” He huffed.

“You are, for now at least.” You responded.

He stopped for a moment. “Do you really care if I go?”

You looked in his eyes, a half smile forming across your lips. “Of course I do. You’re one of the only people I can stand these days.”

Daryl fought himself, trying not to smile but ultimately failing. There was a lightness between the two of you that you’d never felt before. When you were with him, everything that was bothering you seemed to fade away.

Your eyes shifted to the car next to you. “Think there’s anything good in there?”

Daryl turned, reaching for the door handle. “Only one way to find out.”

You pulled out your knife, prepared for any unwelcome surprises. You nodded for Daryl to open the door, and he did just that. Thankfully, the car was free of any dead.

Placing your knife back in its place on your hip, you climbed inside the car. You opened the glovebox, finding a few granola bars inside.

“Can you pass me the bag?” You asked, and Daryl compiled before opening the backseat.

Next, you opened the center console letting out a small chuckle.

“Anything good?” Daryl asked, looking over.

You picked up a small handgun, holding it up. “Not exactly where I expected to find one of these.”

“Any rounds?”

You checked the gun, finding all six rounds. “It’s fully loaded. Doesn’t look like there’s any extra bullets though.”

You peered out the window, your smiling fading as your face went pale. Daryl took notice, looking up as well. There were dozens of walkers headed your way, coming from the direction you’d left the RV in earlier.

“Shit.” Daryl huffed, climbing out of the car.

You followed suit, both of you closing the doors quietly as you crouched down. Somewhere behind you, you heard the panicked mumbling of one of your friends. You and Daryl both rushed over, still crouched to avoid bringing any attention to you.

A few rows of cars over, you found T-Dog who was bleeding from a large cut on his arm. You and Daryl quickly took out the walkers surrounding him, with Daryl tossing one over T-Dog and whispering for him to be quiet. Daryl grabbed a body from one of the cars as you laid down, him tossing it over you. Then, he used one of the walkers you’d just killed to cover himself.

Seconds later, the walkers had caught up to you, slowly making their way through the space the three of you were in. You could feel your heart racing, unsure if Daryl’s strategy would work. Closing your eyes, all you could hear was the shuffling feet of the dead. Thoughts of your friends and family filled your head, beginning to worry if they’d managed to hide in time too. You tried to tell yourself that you hadn’t heard screams, but no amount of rationalization was helping.

Finally the footsteps subsided and you opened your eyes. Daryl threw the corpse off of himself, rushing over to help T-Dog. You did the same, putting pressure on the cloth Daryl placed over his cut.

“It’s bad.” T-Dog gasped.

You shook your head. “You’ll be okay, we just have to get you back to the RV.”

As the words left your mouth, screams filled the air. They were coming from the direction of the RV. You looked at Daryl, fear present across your face.

“I got him, go.” Daryl assured you.

Not wasting another moment, you stood up and raced towards the RV, the newfound gun still in your hand. When you arrived, you quickly noticed Sophia sliding down the hill and into the ditch with two walkers following her. Rick was close behind, chasing them into the woods with a rifle in hand.

Carol pulled herself out from under one of the cars, running towards the highway barrier. She was sobbing, barely able to get her panicked words out as everyone gathered around her.

“Lori, there’s two walkers after my baby.” She cried, placing her hand over her mouth.

Lori held her, looking over at you. You didn’t know what to say, your body frozen in its place. Rick was already well out of view and you knew that if you went after them, you’d just get lost at this point.

All you could do now was pray they both made it back safely.

…

“You sure this is the spot?” Daryl asked, looking into a small hole by the creek.

“I left her right here,” Rick nodded. “I drew the walkers way off that direction up the creek.”

Rick had made it back to the group a bit earlier, Sophia never having returned. He led a few of you to where he’d left her, believing she’d stayed there while Rick dealt with the walkers.

“Without a paddle– seems where we’ve landed.” Daryl responded.

“She was gone by the time I got back here. I figured she’d just taken off and ran back to the group. I told her to go that way and keep the sun on her left shoulder.” Rick pointed in the direction you all came from.

“Assuming she knows her left from right.” Shane sighed.

“Shane, she understood me fine.” Rick argued.

Shane shook his head. “The kid’s tired and scared, man. She had a close call with two walkers. You gotta wonder how much of what you said stuck.”

“I’ve got clear prints right here.” Daryl spoke, pointing to the ground leading up from the creek. “She did what you said, headed back to the highway.”

“What the hell happened from here to there?” You whispered.

Rick shook his head. “Maybe she got nervous, hid somewhere else along the way.”

“Let’s spread out, make our way back.” Daryl said.

Shane nodded, helping Rick up the hill. “Hey, we’re gonna find her.”

Rick nodded, walking past Shane.

Shane held his hand out for you. You stared at him for a moment before finally relenting and taking his hand, allowing him to pull you up. The two of you caught up with the others, Daryl kneeling down.

“She was doing fine until right here.” Daryl spoke. “All she had to do was keep going, but she veered off that way.”

“Why would she do that?” Glenn asked.

“Maybe she saw something that scared her, made her run off.” Shane suggested.

“A walker?”

Daryl shook his head. “I don’t see any other footprints.”

“What do we do then? All of us press on?” Shane asked.

“No, it’s better if you and Glenn go back to the highway.” Rick spoke. “People are going to start panicking. Let them know we’re on her trail doing everything we can, but most of all keep everyone calm.”

Shane nodded. “I’ll keep ‘em busy scavenging cars.”

Shane waved for Glenn to follow him, and Rick turned to you. “You should go back with them. It’s probably safer there, and it’s getting dark.”

You shook your head. “I’d rather stick with you and Daryl.”

Rick nodded and Daryl began to lead you further into the woods. It was a while before you noticed the footprints slowly disappearing.

“The tracks are gone.” Rick sighed.

“No, they’re faint but they ain’t gone.” Daryl responded. “She came through here.”

“How can you tell?” You asked. “All I see is dirt and grass.”

“You want a lesson in tracking or you wanna find that little girl?” Daryl asked, his eyes still focused on the ground.

Daryl continued to lead you both further, before rustling in the bushes caught your attention. He signaled for three of you two split off, using Rick as a distraction while Daryl shot a lone walker. Daryl joined you both at the walker, removing his bolt and calling out for Sophia.

Rick knelt down, pulling out gloves and placing them on his hands. He then held up the walker’s hand, inspecting it closely.

“What are you looking for?” Daryl asked.

“Skin under the fingernails.” Rick responded, dropping the hand and inspecting the walker’s teeth. “He fed recently, there’s flesh between his teeth.”

“What kind of flesh?” You asked.

Rick sighed, pulling out his knife. “There’s only one way to find out.”

He ripped open the walker’s shirt, positioning his knife on its stomach. Daryl shook his head, placing a hand on Rick’s shoulder.

“Here, I’ll do it.” He spoke, pulling out his own knife. “How many kills have you skinned and gutted in your life, anyway? Mine is sharper.”

Daryl stabbed the knife into the walker’s stomach, cutting towards himself.

“I’m going to be sick.” You mumbled, placing a hand over your mouth.

Daryl stabbed the walker several more times, cutting into a new layer each time. “Now comes the bad part.” He spoke before reaching his hands inside. He began to feel around, scooping out bits as he went along.

“Yeah,” Daryl mumbled. “Hoss had a big meal not long ago. I feel it in there.” He scooped out the stomach, tossing it on the ground for Rick to cut open. After searching it for a few seconds, Daryl was able to pull out a piece of skull.

You let out a sigh of relief.

“The gross bastard had himself a woodchuck for lunch.” Daryl spoke, tossing the skull aside.

“At least we know.” Rick responded, standing up.

…

The sun was quickly disappearing as you finally made it back to the highway. Carol stood at the barrier, her face falling when she saw the three of you without Sophia.

“The trail went cold.” Rick spoke. “We’ll go back out there at first light.”

“You can’t leave my daughter out there on her own, to spend the night alone in the woods.” Carol cried.

“Out in the dark’s no good.” Daryl responded. “We’d just be tripping over ourselves. More people getting lost.”

Carol shook her head. “She’s only twelve! She can’t be out there on her own. You didn’t find anything?”

“I know this is hard, but I’m asking you not to panic.” Rick spoke calmly. “We know she was out there.”

You nodded. “We tracked her for a while. There was nothing to tell us that anything happened to her.”

“We have to make this an organized effort.” Rick began. “Daryl knows the woods better than anybody. I’ve asked him to oversee this.”

Carol eyed Daryl, her eyes narrowing in on a spot on his pants. “Is-Is that blood?”

“We took down a walker.” Rick explained.

“Oh my god.” Carol shook her head.

“There was no sign it was anywhere near Sophia, I promise.”

“How can you know that?” Andrea asked.

You and Rick both looked at Daryl, not wanting to explain your methods. “We cut the son of a bitch open, made sure.” He spoke plainly.

Carol took a deep breath, sitting down on the barrier. Lori sat next to her, placing a hand on her back. Carol’s face turned to anger as she looked over at Rick.

“How could you just leave her out there to begin with?” She asked, her voice shaking. “How could you just leave her?”

Rick’s face fell. “Those two walkers were on us. I had to draw them away. It was her best chance.”

“He didn’t have a choice, Carol.” Shane defended.

“How is she supposed to find her way back on her own? She’s just a child. She’s just a child.” Carol began to cry again.

“It was my only option. The only choice I could make.”

“I’m sure nobody doubts that.” Shane spoke.

Carol shook her head. “My baby got left in the woods.”

Rick stood up, noticing everyone staring right at him. Hell, even you were staring at him. You knew he did what he could, and you couldn’t help but wonder if you could’ve done more. Maybe if you’d risked getting lost too, you could’ve found her and at least kept her safe.

You watched as Rick turned away, slowly walking off on his own.

------

AN: Here we are with the first part of season two! I'm trying to keep chapters at a more reasonable length moving forward. Hopefully this one was okay. Please remember to like/reblog if you enjoyed. The tag list is still open! <3

#daryl dixon; unearthed #twd #twd fanfiction #twd fanfic #daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon x reader

46 notes · View notes

pray4byron · 2 months

Note

HI THIS IS 🪼anon I wanted to request a Hazbin Hotel X Geisha reader that is an Overlord, like the Geisha from Idv (Identity V) if you cant find anything about her personality I'm good with just appearance and if you don't do the whole Hotel you could right for Vaggie, Angel Dust and a Character of you choice

HAVE A NICE DAY

hello 🪼 anon!! i had to make some altercations to your request, as i don’t know identity v or geisha - but i think i did alr haha. i decided to just go with overlord!reader so i hope that’s okay!

also, i will only include vaggie in this mix because you used she/her pronouns (so i’m assuming fem!reader) and i only write angel dust w/ gn! or male! readers

without further ado, let’s dive into this, shall we?

Warnings: S1 Spoilers, Swearing, Enemies to Lovers, Reader and Vaggie are lowkey bitches to eachother at first, Fem!Reader, Sexual References (No Smut)

Vaggie x Fem!Overlord!Reader

Romantic Headcanons

Who would’ve thought? An overlord and a fallen angel. Not Vaggie, she would’ve never guessed.

You thought Charlie’s idea for the hotel was a dream that was bound to fail, and Vaggie, sticking up for one of her friends was about to prove you wrong.

Surprisingly to you, you were lowkey interested, and decided to stay there for a short while.

At first, you and Vaggie weren’t too fond of eachother, y’know how in S1E5 Lucifer and Alastor fought for Charlie’s attention? Yeah, that was you two.

Vaggie couldn’t stand you, she thought you were stuck up your own ass and entitled, but at the same time she literally wanted to be around you all the time.

Eventually you both became friends…ish. And because of that, you decided to have Vaggie tag along as your plus one to an overlord event.

She was…confused. But she didn’t complain. She got herself dolled up, but when she stopped by your room in the hotel to head out…god damn, she was shocked.

You were in this tight-fitted dress that was just short below your thighs. She was smitten.

Originally, she was going as your plus one to promote the hotel but… things just ended up getting a lot more steamy than you both had planned…

47 notes · View notes

wynnyfryd · 5 months

Text

✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

tagged by @steddieas-shegoes thank you co-mod mommy

Words and Fics

231,078 words logged on my daily word count tracker (ty @sourw0lfs for this idea i genuinely can’t believe i managed to stick to it for the entire year)

128,429 words published on ao3 (that’s 108,958 more words than last year wtaf i love y’all)

27 works published, including 1 multi-chapter fic that i’m gonna finish if it kills me

7 art collabs

3 hyperspecific fic memes from my beloved @violetsteve

1,191 gentle forehead smooches given

Top 10 Fics by Kudos

No Son of Mine

relax (lay it back)

TITS! magazine

Monsoon Season

i don’t know, you figure it out

relax (that’s that)

is this your card?

your kiss is on my list

Satanic Ritual: DO NOT WATCH!!

a masterpiece of art, it’s true

My fandom fic events in 2023

started @steddiemicrofic in July and then fell in love with started co-modding with @steddieas-shegoes thank you for saving my adhd gremlin ass on a daily basis

attempted and spectacularly failed at @thefreakandthehair’s summer spicy six challenge lmao, but in my defense my spine exploded like an overstuffed bouncy castle. (a moment of silence for the abandoned 8-12k of “summer between s1/s2 lifeguard steve teaching eddie how to swim” romance floating around in my google docs)

Upcoming Events and Projects for 2024

finish the trailer park steve au. that’s it that’s literally all i’m committing to until it’s done.

(once i finish that i might try out some original fiction. i’ve had a love letter to 2005 stuffed in my back pocket for months, might be nice to flesh that idea out but we’ll see. maybe i’ll just steddiefy it and then file the serial numbers off later lol)

Rules & Tags below the cut!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please do eat glass, I’ve heard it’s good for your gums.

Tagging a bunch of lovelies who have likely already been tagged but whatever: @messessentialist @thisapplepielife @shiftylinguini @aidaronan @steves-strapcollection @legitcookie @steddielations @cranberrymoons @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @inklessletter and as always, you, yes you 😘

#ao3 wrapped #fanfic writing #steddie fic #my writing #tag game

29 notes · View notes

shrinkthisviolet · 14 days

Note

Talk Shop Tuesday: Do you have an episode you've been especially excited to add a Morgan to?

YESSSS I love this question!! Here’s some off the top of my head:

1x17 (Barry tries to bench Morgan because of [redacted for spoilers], but Morgan ofc doesn’t listen because Iris and Henry are both in danger and Barry can’t focus on both of them. Results in some tension between them too, esp on Barry’s end (and tbh I get why))

1x19 (I’ve discussed why here :D ✨Bates-induced angst/whump✨)

1x23 (the Morgan vs Eowells confrontation in the finale…oooh it’s gonna be SO GOOD)

2x13-2x14 (I’ve been more and more tempted lately to have Morgan tag along to rescue Jesse, and!! I’m so excited!! Especially because she and E2 Barry would hit it off, and that’s so fun to think about)

Not a specific episode count, but…Morgan & Jesse’s roommates arc. I know it’s post-2x16, but beyond that, the details are currently fuzzy 😅

2x16 (the Trajectory episode!! Still nailing down some details, but I’m excited 💞 Eliza survives this episode ofc, and she even gets to chew Tina out a little. And Morgan shows her first big sister compassion 🥺 also also, a little backstory modification for Eliza regarding how she got her powers, sticking closer to the comics, and no split personality (and I’ve mentioned before that like the comics, she’s a WOC in my AU!))

2x17 (Barry travels back to 1x11!! So excited to write him interacting with s1 Team Flash…and especially s1 Morgan. Oh the dramatic irony. Oh the fury he’d feel, and the helplessness—the red flags are neon signs to him now, and it’s pissing him off that he can’t act on his impulse to protect her from Eowells. But Barry also knows that as unhinged as Eowells is…he’ll do anything to save/protect Morgan (for selfish reasons ofc, but still). And Morgan happens to be in danger back home…)

2x18 (the episode where Barry almost catches Zoom, but then Zoom gets Barry to give up his speed…hmm I see some ✨interesting✨ potential here)

2x20 (Barry dying (sorta)?? Morgan having to watch?? Morgan getting pissed at Harry, but also at herself because she and Barry were fighting for a little while before this and never got to resolve things?? And the catharsis is gonna be so sweet and intense too, y’all aren’t ready 🥰)

2x22 (Morgan does something that Barry cherishes forever 💞 also…someone’s powers are sparked 👀)

s3 (in general. I have a whole grand plan for how I’m rewriting s3…and especially how I’m rewriting Savitar. And his dynamic with Morgan…I’m so excited to write it :D)

s4, Crisis X, I forget the episode number (so…listen, I still have to figure out what fixes I’m making to this disaster of a Crisis (Stein won’t be dying, but that’s all I’m sure of rn). What I do know, though, is that Barry and Morgan, and Wally and Iris, will have a brother-sister dance at the Westallen wedding (Wallinda will probably dance at least once there too), and it’ll be great 🥰 and possibly a Morgan and Jesse power swap that happens an episode prior and lasts throughout this crossover, though I still have to iron out those details 😅)

5x18 (this is the s5 backstory episode and…really this is just my way of saying I have a storyline planned out for this future version of Morgan that I’m very excited to share 👀 tho it’ll be revealed in a different way than the show. Events of s5 will be shuffled around a bit)

s6 Crisis (will involve Thawne ofc, and parts of the og 2024 Crisis. It’ll be a fusion of sorts. May also involve the return of someone unexpected…👀 and it’ll also be…quite the emotional rollercoaster for poor Morgan. Also, this is roughly where the AU’s finale is gonna be, so ofc I’m excited for this!)

talk shop tuesday!

Taglist (send an ask or DM to be added or removed):

@arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @raith-way @vexic929 @ironverseocs

@thechaoticfanartist @goldheartedchaoticdisaster @negative-speedforce @starstruckpurpledragon @angst-is-love-angst-is-life

#talk shop tuesday #…wow that was a lot 😅 but in my defense i’m excited about a lot of episodes #there are two more s1 episodes i’m especially excited for #and another episode in s2 #but alas 😔 to say why would reveal spoilers that i want to keep under wraps for now #oc: morgan wells #morgan wells au #the flash

7 notes · View notes

thewritetofreespeech · 2 years

Note

Okay so like i recently got into cani-cec oic

My backspace stopped working-

I meant to say Vanitas no Carte-

And im really in love with Noe right now and i just finished Episode 5 S1 and im in pain- sole crushing pain-

Could you write like fluffy smut? idk im just... it's the fangs- with Noe and a Male reader? I cannot find male reader stuff anywhere-

plus let me just say- your blog is so aesthetically pleasing and beautiful i cannot- Like i was looking at your masterlist and it's so organized and beautful i literally cannot

tags: male reader, hand jobs, sexsomnia, noé being cute

You weren’t sure what time it was when you felt the bed shift, but your internal clock told you it was late.

“Noé?” You whisper, in a groggy voice filled with sleep. Of course, it had to be Noé. He was the only one in the room, and this wasn’t his first-time crawling into your bed.

The two of you had been in a relationship for sometime now. And although it was more accepted in Paris for two men to be together, the scandal of them requesting a room with one bed was unseemly. So, you had to get two. Though the single beds never stayed single for long.

“Noé. What is it?” You ask, a little clearer. Feeling his arms coil around your middle and face tuck into the back of your neck. “Did you have a bad dream?” Noé doesn’t say anything. He just tucks his face in further.

The even breathing on the back of your neck tells you that he was still asleep. That he had sleep walked over to your bed in the middle of the night; again, not the first time.

You were about to go back to sleep when you feel Noé’s arms gently caressing over your torso. “Noé? What are you doing?”

He doesn’t answer you, and he doesn’t stop. His touches getting more assertive and intimate, which causes you to blush in the dark. “Noé? Are you really a—” Before you could ask if he was really asleep, or just playing games, his hand slipped down to the front of your pajamas. Grasping your erection.

You weren’t fully hard yet, but the warm feel of your lover’s hand around you causes it to jump up immediately. His hand slowly caressing. Teasing and coaxing it to fullness. You moan softly in the dark and turn back to face your pillow. Just letting it happen.

Noé continued to jerk you off at a leisurely pace. Your cock fully hard now and leaking precum to create a much needed lube. His other hand continuing to touch your chest. His hips rocking up against your backside to let you feel his erection against it. This pseudo-sex possibly more erotic than some of the actual sex you’ve had together.

You moan again, louder this time, as you jut your hips up into Noé’s hand for more friction. “Noé. Noé. I’m close….” Your hand gripped into the sheets as you continued to pump your cock into his hand.

There was a noise from Noé behind you before you felt his lips on the back of your neck. Then his fangs. You let out a sharp sound at the feel of them sinking into your skin before he sucked. Pulling your blood into him. Drinking you down. The feeling of sharp pain and pleasure caused you to shutter, until finally you jutted out cum over it and the inside of your sleep trousers in release.

You lay there for a moment, basking in orgasmic bliss, when you feel the bed shift again and look over to find Noé sitting up. His eyes half hooded in sleep. Hair adorably sticking out every which way. Blinking into the dark before he slowly looked at his hand. “Sticky….”

You blink up at Noé as you turn around on your back. “Where you asleep that whole time??” His blank expression was enough of an answer, and you sigh heavily back at your lover. “Here. Let me.” You get up from the bed to change your sleep bottoms, and return with a wet rag to clean off Noé’s hand.

“How did I get over here?”

“You walked.” You told him, when he asked how he had gotten into your bed. You then smile at him and say, “I guess you must have missed me.”

Noé smiled back sleepily, the wrapped his arms around you to pull you back into bed. “Yes. I must have. Let’s go to sleep [Y/N].”

“You don’t want me to…..” You try to ask if he wanted you to take care of him now, but Noé was already asleep again in your arms. You sigh, and try to go back to sleep yourself. A little easier thanks to Noé.

#;ask and ye shall receive (request answers)#noe archiviste #noe archiviste x reader #noe x reader #vanitas of the blue moon #vanitas no shuki #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #vanitas no carte scenarios #vanitas no carte imagine #vnc imagine #vnc scenarios #vnc smut #male reader #smut

276 notes · View notes

horizon-verizon · 1 year

Note

What do you think of this?

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/dulcewrites/715272275441729537

I am just going to transcribe what the person wrote, bc I don't want to go back and forth for this:

I have random Baela and Rhaena thoughts. This is probably discombobulated lmao 😭

As much as I am looking forward to (and very much hoping for) more scenes/lines for rhaena and baela, it is personally going to be so… bittersweet (??) to watch them be involved in a war where imo they gain nothing by Rhaenyra winning. And knowing how reading seems to not be fundemental in this fandom, no this is not me saying it would make sense for them to fight for team green. Though if Alicent followed through on what she said to Rhaenys, they’d have driftmark but that’s neither here nor there I guess.

Especially if we go strictly by show canon. They are THEE dragon twins essentially offered up to legitimized two boys bc that’s all Rhaenyra has at that moment (before viserys swoops in again). She tried with Alicent, who shot her down knowing that Helaena, Dreamfyre, and possible children she would have with Jace would be used as leverage.

I would get it more if it was for family reasons or even personal ambitions (Baela being queen. Though her children would quite literally be put in the same position Rhaenyra’s kids are. If they even got that far💀). But imo nothing in the show depicts that. They try to show them having some sort of affection with Luke and Jace; still don’t know if that is romantic or sibling wise. Either way, I’m supposed to believe it’s enough?? If the fight is for Rhaenyra, they did a bad job showing that too and frankly it would not make sense. If it is for daemon that’s… a choice.

Something about Baela being ‘just like daemon’ but sitting and smiling nicely while Rhaenyra takes her birthright just kind of makes me laugh 😭. Like I said, I could possibly understand this decision if we got shades of Baela wanting to be queen. She seems pretty devoted to her grandmother and wards at Driftmark, it is just hard for me to think she in particular would be over the moon about Luke being lord of the tides. Regardless of if she sees him as family or not.

I am someone who will always advocate for more women on the show, especially women from a different social/economic background from the noble ones we got in s1. So if they choose to make Sara Snow a real person, there won’t be any real qualms out of me about it (unless they write her weird lol). But ngl it will be hard watching Baela fight, quite literally, while jace is away possibly falling in love and Rhaenyra sits on her butt at dragonstone. And daemon is away grooming another young girl???

Like who and what are they fighting for!!!

Oh, don’t even get me started on how Rhaena gets absolutely nothing out of this, and honestly nothing from the people who are supposed to take care of her. I just think they both got the short end of the stick, at least during the war. Which I guess is the point of it all. Casualties and people going through strife for a stupid throne but yeah.. I’m just kind of eh about watching that unfold.

Answers

I already stated several times that DaemonxNettles isn't a thing and Daemon never groomed that girl. People can check out the stuff I have tagged as "daemon and nettles", click this link, or click this for a very specific post about it.

Them: "Though her children would quite literally be put in the same position Rhaenyra’s kids are. "

No, they wouldn't. How would they...if the greens were sent to the Wall, executed, etc.? How ridiculous.

...I don't understand how Baela and Rhaena wouldn't win by becoming a Queen and a Lady of a major house respectively. Ain't no way.....Why does this person think Margaery Tyrell, Cersei Lannister Arianne Martell, and Rhaenyra herself ALL want to be some sort of Queen or woman-in-charge-with-highest-social-station?!

There are real sociopolitical benefits to being a Lady of a great house and a damn Queen Consort! That is the entire point of feudalist political marriages!

They say this: "And knowing how reading seems to not be fundemental in this fandom, no this is not me saying it would make sense for them to fight for team green. Though if Alicent followed through on what she said to Rhaenys, they’d have driftmark but that’s neither here nor there I guess."

Yet the second sentence is telling us that Alicent would have given Driftmark to the girls if they had just changed teams or acquiesced to the greens' terms...which is still giving up the black cause/rhaenyra's cause. So in order to get the house that Rhaenys, Viserys, and Corlsy all already give Rhaena and her future kids with Luke....the girls have to be handed their already-assured inheritances by those who are seeking to make them and those they lived with as family members for 6 years hostage...Cuz that's what Otto is doing: trying to make these girls hostages and limit their options so they, Daemon, and Rhaenyra can't retaliate in fear of these girls and these girls' parents' lives...If any of them were to just give up!

The other thing is that, once again, Corlys is the one to have made the arrangement with Viserys concerning who will inherit and marry who. not Rhaenyra, who is merely following their directive and wishes that also benefit the two girls mentioned!

You know, perhaps it's because of the jump cut and HotD's terrible writing limiting how much screentime each actor gets to show emotion, and how we the audience do not actually witness how Rhaenyra's family became a family after she and Daemon marry (Spoiler alert, it is!). jeynearrynofthevale writes this about one thing the show should have done:

Spend way more time on court politics and the buildup of the dance. Show why the two sides are falling the way they do and establish the core issues at play. Spend some more time establishing the characters before time jumps. Maybe give Rhaenyra motivation for ruling in terms of what she wants to do. Have her and Alicent navigate around each other in court.

the reason why it feels like Baela seems placid or uninterested is not because she is emotionally distant from her own family, but because these writers aren't worth their salt. the Jump cut robbed us all.

You don't even need to have read any ASoIaF book to understand any of this. how could one not know that being Queen Consort is a coveted and sociopolitically advantageous position?!

There is absolutely no proof that Sara Snow existed. Absolutely none. the only thing we ever hear about this girl is from Mushroom...who never was in the North with Jace! So how the hell does he know this girl exists, much less what Jaecerys did or didn't do with her?!

Mind you, this is the same person who inspired the idea that Daemon fucked Nettles:

Mushroom [who was not at Maidenpool] would have us believe it was not. By the dwarf’s account, Daemon Targaryen had come to love the small brown bastard girl, and had taken her into his bed.

("Rhaenyra Triumphant")

If the writers dare to make Sara Snow a thing, and if this writer is that concerned about Baela fighting while Jace cheats on her, they should know that if they make SS a real person and have Jace cheat with her it's all bullshit just to add "spice" and be provocative. Just as Mushroom does and what they did with Rhaenys coming out of the floor in epi 9.

IF Rhaenyra is going to just "sit on her butt" because SHE JUST "GAVE BIRTH" TO A STILLBORN BABY!!!

and because it is already common and expected for the leader of the side to be like the king piece of chess: little moves to limit the opportunities for the other side to injure/kill them.

I don't know if I want these posts anymore...I've gone down some crazy rabbit holes.

E) *Look to comments/reblogs for mononijikayu's description of how this also reveals the HotD's lack of knowledge and perspective about medieval woman's acts towards gaining and using power*

Excerpts:

and also, baela and rhaena becoming queen and lady of the tides is the best damn position they could get. as the line of succession places them further, their real shot is a really good royal marrisge. daughters go before uncles in line of succession, so daemon's baela and rhaena would end up behind rhaenyra's female led bloodline - herself, her sons with laenor and then her sons with daemon and then their daughter visenya had she lived.

thats why laena and rhaenyra arranged the marriage a few years before she passed. baela being queen consort could usher a revival of a type of queenship that hasnt been seen since rhaenys and visenya. jace would be a pro-active king who probably will like to see how his people lives, so he would continue the tradition of aegon i's royal processions. he would leave the rulership to baela, administratively as his representative and rule on his behalf. its been done before by various kings, including by richard lionheart who named his mother regent while he was on crusade. jace would do the same, but with baela doing much of the administration and household and managing of royal residences.

#asoiaf asks to me #baela and rhaena #baela targaryen #rhaena targaryen #rhaena targaryen (daemon's daughter)#sara snow #hotd characterization #hotd #house of the dragon #where do you people find these posts?!

33 notes · View notes

petertingle-yipyip · 2 years

Text

DEVIL ON MY SHOULDER - MATT MURDOCK

one - criminal

// tags: @ironprincessstranger //mad at god (s1)// two // masterlist

Pairing: Unofficial Matt Murdock x Reader (DD X Vigilante!Reader)

Word Count: 8,810

Summary: With Wilson Fisk in the past, Exodus tries to move forward without Daredevil. But a strange meeting leads to potentially another threat… Or maybe an ally.

“How you feeling?” Karen asked as you plopped on your couch.

“Exhausted. It’s hot even at night.” You sighed and threw your mask to your coffee table. “And avoiding Daredevil is harder than I thought it would. He’s everywhere.”

“So stop avoiding him and talk it out.” She laughed. “After all, isn’t he your friend?”

“No.” You said firmly, crossing your arms. “Well, not anymore. I’m still mad at him. All he had to do was mind his damn business for one night. One night! But noooo… If he hadn’t gotten in my way, I could’ve-“ You groaned and rubbed a hand across your face. “I could’ve made sure that Fisk was done. For good. Мертвый и ушел.” (Dead and gone.)

“You’re mad at him but you still wear the suit he gave you?” She raised a brow in playful accusation.

“It's very light and breathable and the- the- the plates are really strong and-” You tried to defend but the look she gave you made you laugh. “Okay, shut up!” You complained with a grin as you unzipped the top and threw it on the table with a huff.

“Look, Fisk is locked up.” She reassured gently. “You did that. Isn’t that enough?”

“Yeah, but do you really think it’ll last? I’m sorry but I just can’t shake this looming feeling that he’ll be back…” You turned to face her. “With that kind of money and influence, he can buy the best lawyers in the state and get off scot-free.”

“You and the boys won’t work for him though.” She tried. “And you’re the best lawyers I know.”

“I’m not a lawyer… Not yet at least.”

“You thinking of going back to school?”

“No, I already finished school. And I took the Bar Exam. All my t’s are crossed and i’s are dotted. I’m just waiting for everything to be official and come in the mail.”

“Oh my god. Y/N! That’s incredible! The guys don’t know?”

“No. I did my last few classes online while I was in London, picking up odd jobs with a friend. When I had to leave him, I came here and took my exam, finished the last few steps in the process… Should be coming in any day now, but I think I put the London address cause I didn’t plan on staying. I’ll have to call the guy I got the place from and have him send it over.”

“How could you not tell them?”

You raised your brows and gestured to your Widow suit, emphasizing your point by flicking the Red Room emblem.

“There’s a lot I don’t tell them, Karen.” You deadpanned.

“Okay, fair point.” She laughed. “But you have to tell them this!” She insisted with a wide smile.

“I know, I know. I probably will…”

“Probably? Y/N, they’d be so proud of you!”

“It’s just not a very pressing conversation topic lately.. Besides, they like to tease me about being half a lawyer… Which actually reminds me, I want a promotion.”

“Wait.” She chuckled slightly. “You want to downplay your success for the sake of your male friends’ egos? Since when!?”

“It’s not for their egos.” You laughed. “It’s just- I don’t know, easier? They’ll wanna make me a partner and put my name on the firm and I just- It kinda feels like one of those group projects where someone slaps their name on it so they don’t fail, even though they hardly contributed..”

“You deserve it, Y/N. You should tell them.”

“When the fancy stuff gets here, I will. I’ll even let you guys throw me a party.” You nodded and you held up a hand with your pinky sticking out. “Pinky promise.”

She faked a gasp. “So serious. You can’t break these, yknow.” She joked and hooked her small finger around

yours.

“I am aware, yes.” You giggled. “But for now, starting tomorrow, I’m a paralegal slash disabilities assistant. I know and do too much around there to not be a paralegal.”

“Sounds good to me.”

The next day at the office was full of small cases, civil suits that seemed a bit silly to you but Nelson and Murdock helped the little guy. You and Karen worked to get them organized and in some sort of a queue for when the boys arrived. You had just gotten everyone settled when you were able to take a breath and pull your hair up.

“Look what the cat dragged in.” You commented when they finally walked through the doors. “Let me guess. He-“ You gestured towards Matt “-fell in a hole and you-“ You gestured to Foggy. “-had to fish him out, leaving your office manager and your favorite paralegal to handle everything.”

“Good morning to you too, Y/N.” Foggy nodded with a smile. “Morning, Karen.”

“Hey guys.” She answered absently as she sorted some files.

“Paralegal?” Matt asked, stopping his steps to his office. He turned to you with a lazy, amused smile.

“As of this morning.” You nodded with a smile.

“That can only mean that you’re back on the lawyer train.” Foggy said proudly. “Nelson, Murdock, and Y/L/N is back in action.”

“Stop it.” You pointed to Foggy, who put his hands up in surrender. “It doesn’t mean anything as of right now.”

“Means a lot.” Matt said gently, reaching out to give your elbow a gentle squeeze. “So, what have we got?”

“Little bit of everything.” You said with a chuckle. “Karen?”

“Mr. Marino’s dog was viciously beaten by his neighbor after the dog um- “ She began and cleared her throat awkwardly, to which you chuckled. “-defiled the neighbor’s statue of St. Francis.”

You covered your mouth to hide your giggles as Matt laughed through his response.

“Defiled?” His brows raised playfully.

“Humped repeatedly until completion.” She answered with the same awkwardness.

“To the patron saint of animals, no less.” You playfully scolded, making Matt chuckle.

“How dare he?” Matt said with a grin.

“That is a dog I want to defend.” Foggy nodded, offering Mr. Marino a thumbs up.

“And then Mr. Maxwell was attacked in a bar fight last night.” You continued, pointing to the slightly roughed up biker.

“He started it.” Maxwell defended.

“I already called Metro General and the guy’s gonna recover, but if we start to lean towards a trial, it’s gotta wait till his jaw is unwired.”

“Your girl’s a badass.” Maxwell said proudly, looking at Matt more than Foggy.

“You’re not wrong.” You laughed, rubbing the mark ove ryour eyebrow.

The gashes from your mask jamming into you during your fight with Fisk were mostly healed, now just discolored scars that weren’t as long as they originally had been. Lucky for you, you could hide the cuts with makeup until they started to shrink and you could come up with an excuse. As far as the boys knew, one was caused by a broken zipper on your dress and the other was the dewclaw of a stray dog.

“And Miss Jacinto just got her third denial of working papers. Dad’s gone and factory work is all she has for her family… Karen pulled her DOE applications but I think we can do better.”

“Good, cause we will.” Matt nodded and stepped into his office, you and your friends following behind.

Foggy paused to acknowledge the small table of bananas and pie, giving an enthusiastic response after Karen explained it. You shut the door most of the way once everyone was in, knowing what conversation was coming next.

“So I had installed this free trial accounting software on my computer and um..” Karen began while you stepped around the group to sit on the edge of Matt’s desk. “We’re broke as in, our income can’t cover our bills.”

“We’ll manage.” Matt said optimistically with a shrug. “I don’t know how but I know we will.”

“Optimism isn’t enough, Matt.” You said simply. “I love what we do here but we can’t do it much longer if we go into debt.”

“I know but-“

“I can make a few calls.” You offered. “I know some people who can help. They’d probably love to.”

“No, we can figure it out on our own.” Matt answered.

“Matt, just let me-“

“It’ll be okay.” He cut in, a certain finality in his voice.

You simply sighed and offered a small nod, giving up on the argument. And that’s how disagreements had been going between you and Matt the past few times, creating a new pattern. You two would have opposite views and when the other tried to counter it, they were met with a short and almost final response. One that wasn’t open to continuing the topic. So the other person would drop it, but the lingering looks of concern from your friends and almost chokingly thick atmosphere of tension were hard for you to miss.

Everyone understood that there was a shift, in you and in Matt, which had changed the way you and Matt interacted with each other. There was more tension, more resignations. Neither of you would admit it, but you saw each other differently. Though neither of you understood what happened to the other to change their point of view, individually you both knew.

For Matt, though he would never tell anyone, it was thanks to Exodus. The way she left him on that rooftop, left covered in blood that was and wasn’t hers. The way her voice lingered in his head every night since, a voice without the Russian accent he had grown accustomed to hearing.

If you get in my way again, I won’t hesitate to kill you.

He didn’t doubt she would intend to, but he also believed that she wouldn’t. Maybe even couldn’t. They were partners, friends even. They worked together to take down Fisk and it was only a matter of time until they were on the same side again. He cared about her and the knowledge of her still combing the streets of Hell’s Kitchen at night without him, it hurt him more than he would ever admit. Especially on the night where he would find her, only for her to run the other way. But even so, the sound of her voice, it was too familiar to forget.

Like a voice he had been hearing for years, a voice he loved to hear. After that night, he started to wonder how he knew her…

You, on the other hand, were acting different because of Daredevil. The man who you had thought was warming up to you and your flaws had - from your perspective - turned his back on you. He ultimately chose to stand against you, rather than beside you. He chose to save Fisk, to put the monster in a cell rather than a coffin. And you hadn’t forgiven him for it. Maybe you never would.

Either way, it made you reevaluate the people you trusted. Karen had softened up towards you and was truly someone you could regard as a friend. You were beyond thankful for that, especially in those moments when you saw yours and Matt’s friendship cracking apart. Foggy had been never more oblivious to your nightly escapades so there was never a question there. But Matt…

He asked too many questions, held too many suspicions. And what made it worse was that he would ask the very specific questions.

What happened to your hands?

Your voice is scratchy. Are you sick?

You didn’t answer your phone last night. Where’d you go?

Are you sure there’s nothing going on I should know about?

What do you mean, you didn’t sleep? What kept you up?

There was a disconnect between you and Matt now because he was paying a bit too close of attention to you. And you tried mentioning it to Karen, that Matt was poking around a bit too much but she brushed off your concerns, saying that he just cared about you and was worried.

That night, Foggy convinced the entirety of your friend group to go out for drinks and it was the most normal thing you had done in weeks. You had almost forgotten how good it felt to leave the suit in its case and just breathe, to just live. You and Matt were making jokes while Karen and Foggy were shooting a game of pool. It almost felt like nothing had changed.

“You sure you’re not being hustled here?” Matt asked Foggy after Karen landed a great shot.

“That’s why I didn’t want to play against her.” Foggy pointed firmly to you, making you laugh and throw your hands up in surrender.

“I didn’t-“ You laughed. “What did I do?”

“I remember college.” He said firmly, squinting his eyes in suspicion that made you drop your forehead to Matt’s shoulder while you laughed.

“Oh no, I can’t shoot pool. Oh no, I’m terrible.” He mocked you and you began losing your breath and nearly collapsed as you laughed, remembering the night you fooled him. Matt’s free hand came up to your arm when he felt you wobble. “Then boom. Perfect break.” Foggy deadpanned.

“I-“ You tried, though the sound was more of a wheeze. You shook your head and waved your hands, signaling that you couldn’t answer.

“She got, what, twenty bucks out of you that night?” Matt laughed and pulled you a bit closer to him.

“Forty!“ Foggy exclaimed.

“That’s on you for betting that much.” Karen giggled, high-fiving you on her way around the table.

“Betrayal. All of you.” Foggy said simply. “Take over, buddy. Be right back.” He passed Matt the pool cue and ducked away.

“I’m a little offended he didn’t hand it to me.” You said, finally able to refill your lungs with air and stand on your own.

“Maybe he wanted to take it easy on me.” Karen said playfully.

“Cause you’ll go easy on Matt?” You raised a brow to which she offered a devious smile. “You’re going to hustle a blind man!” You laughed.

“You hustled his best friend.” She grinned in return.

“This place always brings out something special in Foggy.” Matt said fondly.

“Sure it’s not the alcohol?” Karen teased.

“It’s the company.” You smiled. “He loves when all of us are together.”

“Yeah, we’d be doing this the rest of our lives if it were up to him.” Matt continued.

“It’d be a good life.” You nodded in agreement.

“As long as you two aren’t fighting over something stupid.” Karen nodded.

“Low blow, Page.” You shook your head with a small scoff.

When it came time for Matt’s shot, Karen instructed him. You hung back, feeling their emotions spike when they got closer than usual or when their hands touched. It wasn’t quite love, but the longing and admiration were palpable. You smiled softly to yourself and twisted your wrist discreetly, mimicking turning up a dial. You upped both of their desires and watched as they both blushed and separated with nervous chuckles or coughs.

Karen would be good for Matt, you decided. As much as you adored him - probably even loved him - you knew your double life would be too much. And even if you told him, it was unlikely that things could ever be romantic after that. So friends you two would stay, and you knew over time, you’d be okay with it. But until then, you sighed as the sadness cooled your skin, admittedly a refreshing sensation compared to the recent heat.

“I thought you were gonna watch them.” Foggy scolded playfully when he came back to your side. “I was gone two minutes.”

“You didn’t tell me anything about babysitting.” You defended with a laugh as Karen headed over to the bar.

You turned to watch as she left while Foggy was talking but your attention caught on a shifty guy at the bar who ended up next to Karen.

He was staring at you three, nervousness radiated off him in waves. You could feel his apprehension but also there was a hard intent behind his stare. Though you tried to feel deeper into him, you couldn’t. Like there was nothing below those surface emotions. But the way he moved in his seat, the way his hand was tucked under his coat, you decided you had to get closer.

“I’m just gonna…” You trailed off as you headed to Karen’s side.

Gently, you put your hands on her arms and guided her to your opposite side to put yourself next to the man. She looked at you with furrowed brows but you simply shook your head. You discreetly jabbed your thumb towards the man, to which she nodded and was quick to bring the drinks back to the guys.

“You doing alright over there?” You asked casually once Karen was gone. You glanced over to make sure and saw she was talking to Foggy and Matt, who were both seemingly focused in your direction. “Seem a little tense.”

“It ain’t what you think.” He said tightly. “I got business here.”

“I don’t think you know what I think.” You chuckled in annoyance as you faced him. “Whatever business you have here, pack it up and find somewhere else to do it. I won’t tell you again.”

“Got business with Nelson and Murdock.” The man answered as he stood. You sidestepped to block his path as your hands tightened into fists at your side.

“What makes you think you can get to them?” You challenged with an upward tilt of your chin.

“Hey.” Matt said suddenly from your side, a hand landing on your lower back. His touch made your whole body tense but you were quick to relax, loosening your hands and crossing your arms over your chest. “What’s going on? Who’s this?”

“You must be the blind one.” The man answered. “Looking for Nelson and Murdock.”

Matt nodded and gestured for the man to come to the other side of the bar, your friend group joining him around one of the small tables. You put yourself between Matt and the other guy, Karen on Matt’s other side between him and Foggy. Matt had tried to get to that spot before you did, but you were quick to reach around and guide him to the seat next to you. He frowned at you and gently tried to pull you to switch but you refused to budge.

You tuned in and out of the man’s story. It seemed fabricated, dramatized to earn sympathy. But as you read his emotions, you didn’t find any hint of smugness or pride that normally comes with getting people to believe a story like that. There was remorse, fear almost, along with nerves.

“Burren Club, 47th and 10th. Can’t miss it.” He explained and you were quick to commit the address to memory.

Karen leaned around Matt to look at you and you offered a brow raise and an acknowledging tilt of your head. You saw her shoulders rise and fall with a quiet sigh before you turned back to the man from the bar.

“And your involvement in the organization is?” You asked simply.

“Who’s she?” He looked to Foggy and you scoffed.

“Answer the question.”

“Ran for Brannigan for a long time… Did some things I probably shouldn’t have… But the guys I work for, the guys that did this…” He let out a long sigh. “I’m telling you, I had nothing to do with that massacre.”

“Assuming you’re right and the Irish were hit by a powerful crime syndicate tonight…” Matt started. “If you’re the only one that survived-“

“Someone’s bound to come back and tie off this loose end.” You cut in, leaning your elbows against the table. “What do you expect us to do for you, Mr…?”

“Relax.” Matt said quietly, trying to discreetly pull you to sit back.

“Last time we took a case when we didn’t get a name, it was a shit case, right? You really trynna do that again?” You answered in the same hushed tone, to which he nodded reluctantly in response.

“Grotto.”

“Grotto what?” Matt pressed as if it was his idea to get a name.

“Just Grotto.” He answered, which made you roll your eyes as you sat back with arms folded.

“I just need you guys to get me the hell out of here before I permanently end up in the only place hotter than this.”

“Witness protection.” You nodded, knowing it wasn’t an impossible thing to ask. “Could be doable.”

“We’re a private law firm.” Matt began before Grotto cut in.

“Yeah, a trustworthy one… Got quite a reputation after you took out Wilson Fisk.”

The mention of that case made you grind your teeth, thinking of how it didn’t go down the way it should’ve.

“DA’s office is the only place that can make a deal.” Foggy explained.

“And I’m not walking to the DA without representation. I know and seen a lot. I’ll give the cops anything they want to get out of Hell’s Kitchen.” He said honestly, desperation practically spilling onto the table.

“We have a reputation of representing the good people of Hell’s Kitchen, not negotiating on behalf of career criminals.” Matt said and the words seemed to slice you more than they affected Grotto.

“And if that criminal wants to change careers?” You asked, staring at the table as you settled your riled up nerves. Karen cleared her throat and when you peaked up, you saw she was already staring at you in warning. “You’re gonna tell me you don’t believe in changes of heart? Second chances?”

“You’re actually on my side?” Grotto asked in disbelief.

“Wasn’t that your point?” You countered smoothly.

“You weren’t exactly warm and welcoming a few minutes ago.”

“And you haven’t taken that hand out from under your jacket since you walked in.” You pointed out, nodding your head towards his hidden hand. “So I really don’t think you should be challenging who is or isn’t on your side.”

“Y/N..” Karen said gently, though you felt the warning in her words. “Tone it down a little…”

“I know I got nobody to vouch for me and I can barely cover your fee but… Word is that Nelson and Murdock put their faith in people and I- I could use a little bit of that right now.” Grotto was practically begging.

Your friends were huddled together and muttering about what to do about it but you hadn’t taken your eyes off Grotto. You watched as his eyes went wide as he shook his head, swaying in his seat. Matt began to ask a question but the man collapsed and fell to the ground. You had already begun to move and catch him so you were able to get your hand under his head before he hit the floor. You glanced towards your friends as you knelt by Grotto’s side but only saw Karen coming over.

“He’s bleeding.” Karen noted, carefully moving his jacket out of the way.

After having gotten an ambulance to come get Grotto, Matt and Foggy decided to turn in. Karen offered to go with Grotto and asked what you would do. You shrugged and said there was a club you had meaning to check out, knowing you didn’t have to full on say it for her to get it.

You hurried home, changed into your Exodus suit, and headed to the Burren Club. It was easy to see the lights on the cop cars from blocks away so you tapped your scar and tried to listen in on police chatter. There were random calls from their dispatchers but nothing about that incident so you turned it off. Instead, you snuck your way to the rooftop opposite of the club and used the new lenses of your mask to get a better look.

But the first thing you saw was Matt and Foggy. Your attention snagged on the boys while they talked to Brett, likely trying to get some intel and check out the validity of Grotto’s story. But you noticed Foggy was doing most of the talking while Matt was just listening.

“What are you listening for?” You murmured, leaning over the edge a bit more.

As if Matt heard you, he tilted his head up and turned towards your hiding spot. You didn’t flinch and didn’t hide, rather you held your position with the confidence that he couldn’t see you.

But it did make you wonder if he heard you…

Matt turned and said something to Brett that you couldn’t hear but could tell was something of interest if Brett grabbed a passing officer to scold him. Your brows furrowed as the three stepped further from the crowds and you started to wonder if you would sneak a mic onto Matt’s cane. Out of curiosity, you followed the trio and hopped down into the nearest alleyway.

You crept as close to the street as you could while still having shadows to hide in so you could eavesdrop on what Brett knew. You focused on key words that you knew would likely mean solving more later; the theory was paramilitary, they were capable of taking out half the city, and the DA had no leads. You heard one of the other officers mention the Dogs of Hell had been hit recently too, being that their members were currently taking residency at the morgue.

Though the conversation didn’t give you too many leads, you knew it was something to start. You had to get a hold of local underground arms dealers, see if they’re selling bigger things than pistols and pump action shotguns. You had to check the usual back alley haunts for someone - or multiple someones - who didn’t belong.

You figured starting with the Dogs of Hell would be the best bet. If anyone has seen what happened, maybe there’d be more of a starting point. A silhouette you could watch for or a vague description you could work down to something more specific. But as you were approaching the building, you saw a familiar pink shirt entering the building.

“Он сам себя убьет.” You complained and slammed a fist against the wall beside you. (He’s gonna get himself killed.)

You ran across the street and hurdled the trash building up in the alleyway until you reached the back door. There were two men posted out back, playing cards and smoking. They didn’t even notice you until you were right beside them.

“He has an ace tucked into his belt.” You commented, your usual Russian accent dancing in your voice.

They both turned on you and held their guns up.

“I have questions, maybe you boys can answer. You help me and I don’t crack your skulls on the pavement.” You tried, though they yelled for you to leave. “What happened to your men last week? What do you know?”

When you were greeted with nothing but shouts to leave, you shrugged. You made a move first, running at one and jamming a knee into his chest to slam him against the wall behind him. The other tried to grab you so you reached up and hooked your arm around his neck.

You used the first man as a foothold and flipped over, pulling the second man into a very uncomfortable bridge position. You dropped to a knee and brought him down with you, his spine slamming against your opposite upraised knee with a deep and echoing crack. You pushed him to the side before returning to the first man and grabbed him by his shirtfront, leaning several punches to his face until the skin split and the man fell unconscious.

Just in time for the door to open.

You hand shot to your belt as you ducked out of sight between a dumpster and the building. The huge man was towering over someone he had thrown in front of him, but even without seeing him, you recognized the voice. It was Foggy.

“Put it away.” You warned firmly when you saw the glint of a knife. Your Bite was now glowing as you lifted your bloodied hand and stepped into view, the biker now turning to face you. “Put it down or I will make you.”

“Holy shit.” Foggy breathed.

“This ain’t about you.” The biker warned, though there was a waiver in his voice. “So mind your business.”

“You just made it my business.” You said simply. “I won’t ask nicely again.”

“I helped a guy named Foster.” Foggy tried, though the biker ignored him. “Ricky Wex? … Pope?”

That name caught the man’s attention but he didn’t lower the knife. You moved around him to stand a few steps behind Foggy, lowering your hand but not letting it disarm.

“You helped Pope?” He asked and you realized that Pope meant something to that man. A spark of grief. “Get the hell out of here.”

The man turned his back and you reached for Foggy.

“What happened to Smitty?” Foggy exclaimed.

“Ты шутишь?” You groaned as the man came back with his knife raised. (Are you kidding me?)

You quickly put your forearm up to block his knife and used your other hand to catch it as it fell from his grip. You hooked your foot around his knee and yanked it to bring the man to his knees. You held his own knife to his throat and gestured for him to answer Foggy‘s question.

“Your men were massacred last week and the Irish were slaughtered tonight.” You explained. “Unless you want to join your pals in the morgue, I suggest you talk.”

“If I don’t get answers, a lot of innocent blood could be shed.” Foggy continued. “Please.”

“You got guts, Harvard.” He nodded to Foggy. You took a second to survey the man and found his hostility had come and went so you flipped his knife in your hand and offered it to him by the handle.

“Columbia, actually, and it’s just sheer adrenaline right now.” Foggy replied and you snorted a laugh as you took a few steps to the side. “I wouldn’t be here if doing this wasn’t important.”

“Smitty was on a run down I-90 with four other guys, got hit by an army and cut to pieces. They were left there like roadkill.”

“An army sounds extensive for a five man job.. Who did it?” You asked.

“Some new crew.” The biker shrugged. “But we’re gonna find them and you’re gonna wanna be far away from that action.”

The biker turned and left after that, leaving you and Foggy in the alley. You grabbed Foggy’s arm and began hauling him away, feeling him practically deflate in your grasp.

“Are you insane?” You scolded, taking careful intent to maintain your accent. “He could've killed you.”

“Why are you here?” He asked in counter. “Shouldn’t you be out with Daredevil?”

“Сорвиголова.” You scoffed. “No. I haven’t seen him since he got in my way with Fisk. We aren’t working together anymore.” (Daredevil.)

“What?”

“Listen to me because I will not say it again.” You said firmly, stopping your steps so you could face him. “This is going to get very messy, very fast. You need to keep you and your friends out of it, alright? If anything, work from a distance. Wait for this to come down a legitimate path rather than some back alley bullshit. Got it?”

“Okay..” Foggy said carefully. “Thanks.”

You nodded and took off, not really headed anywhere other than away from Foggy. You weren’t sure where to go from there. Going down I-90 wouldn’t make a difference because it was probably cleaned up and the officers long gone. Local cops had nothing, meaning the morgue had nothing, other than a label for homicide across a herd of bodies. You got yourself to a rooftop and sat on the ledge, wondering what to do next.

Your implant was ringing in your head with your usual cell phone chime. With a confused tilt of your head, you double tapped the scar.

“Yeah?” You answered quickly.

“Where are you?” Karen said in a panic and you could hear the skirting of tires in the background. You quickly jumped to your feet and tapped your mask, looking around as you tried to lock on her cell signal.

“I see you. On my way.” You answered as you broke into a sprint. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Someone attacked the hospital!” She screamed and you heard the glass shatter. “He came for Grotto.”

“But you’re alright?”

“For now!”

“Okay. Did you see how many?”

“Yeah… One.”

One?

“Alright, I’ll take care of it. Get somewhere safe and call me back.”

You ended the call and heard the sounds of a fist fight as you neared the hospital roof. You stood on the ledge and checked the surrounding buildings, only barely able to catch a glimpse of the two men fighting. It was easy to recognize his fighting style, even in the dark.

You had just landed when you saw the spark of a gunfire and Daredevil went tumbling over the ledge. You screamed out and the sound drew the attention of his attacker. He scoffed and got to his feet, though now you were pissed.

“Вы заплатите за это.” You sneered. (You’ll pay for that.)

Your anger was collecting in your palms, burning through your skin. You ran at him without hesitation and ducked his shot. You kicked the small gun from his hand and blocked a heavy hit from him. You slammed your fists against his jaw, seeing red puffs of smoke escape each time time you made contact.

He grabbed you by your shirtfront and hoisted you up, his other hand wrapping around your belt as he moved to slam you to your back. You grabbed his wrist and as your fingers dug in, you noticed that where your skin met his was turning red, as if it were burning. Quickly you shook the thought and tucked your legs so you could kick out against his chest. The move sent you two in different directions and you used the gap to jump the ledge you saw Daredevil fall down.

It was easy to recognize that you couldn’t beat him on your own, not as distracted as you were. You had to bail and figure out an actual plan. But at least you gained something. You saw his face.

You turned back and saw the man glaring down at you, bloody faced and angry. You pulled one of your charge disks and offered a fake salute so the movement doubled as the flick. He groaned as the disk landed at the base of his throat and you chuckled before turning to find Daredevil.

He was face down and not moving, making your heart stop. You knelt beside him and carefully rolled him over and tucked your fingers under his cowl, looking for the pulse at his throat.

“C’mon…” You muttered and slid your fingers down. “Please, c’mon.” You repeated with a bit more urgency.

By then, the tears were fogging your mask so you aggressively pulled it to sit around your throat. Your breathing was shaky and you couldn’t even focus enough to get yourself under control. You didn’t even care if he saw what you looked like, if he remembered who you were from when what happened with the Russians. You didn’t care, just as long as he was alive.

Sure, you hadn’t been on the best of terms with Daredevil as of late, but that didn’t mean you wanted to see him die. Especially not by getting shot in the head right in front of you. By some no name, trigger happy bastard with a vendetta.

You let out a quivering breath of relief when you found his pulse and he moved, ever so slightly he had moved his arm almost like he was reaching for you. You slid over so your back was against the small structure that you couldn’t specify in the dark. You very carefully repositioned him in your lap as you leaned your head back and sighed towards the night sky as you slipped your hand into his.

You bit down on the finger of your other glove and pulled your hand free. You tucked the glove into your belt before placing your hand gently on his cheek. Your thumb traced his features idly as your mind raced, but the slow movement was enough to help you settle yourself and focus.

You couldn’t leave him there alone. You knew that much. But where would you take him? Metro General would raise too many questions. You couldn’t get him back to your apartment on your own and you had no idea where he lived. You thought about calling Claire but you didn’t even know if she was back in Hell’s Kitchen.

That would’ve been a good time to actually know each other’s names.

Instead, you decided to stay on that rooftop.

Next thing you knew, your implant was pinging loudly. Opening your eyes, you found it was morning. You wiped your eyes and realized your mask was still down. You were careful to reposition it without moving Daredevil as you answered the call.

“Hey.” You said, sleep hanging on to your voice.

“Thank God you’re alive.” She said quickly. “Are- are you alright?”

“I’m alright, yeah.” You answered.

“I tried calling last night but you didn’t answer.” Karen answered worriedly. “You can’t do that, Y/N. Not with this maniac running around.”

“I know. Yeah, I know. I’m sorry…I promise, I’m fine.” You nodded, looking down at Daredevil. “Someone else… Not so much.”

“What happened?”

“Whoever came after you and Grotto, Daredevil found him first. The guy shot him in the head.”

“Oh my god.” She sighed and you could feel her worry through the call.

“I’m just glad the guy had the protection in his new suit. The idiot’s alive, barely.” You slid your fingers to check his pulse again and while it was stronger than it was last night, it was still weak. “I’ve been on this roof with him all night. I didn’t know where to take him. I thought I didn't care and was done but seeing him like that, I wanted to tear that guy apart…”

“At least he wasn’t alone.” Karen tried and you nodded in agreement. “Well uh- I called Foggy and I told him. Grotto and I are at the precinct. The cops wanna ask him questions about everything.”

“Okay… Foggy say not to let anyone talk to him witho-“

“Without one of them here, yeah.” She cut in. “Yeah, he told me.”

“Good.. I’ll probably head over there when…” You trailed off, hearing footsteps across the roof. “I gotta go.”

You tapped the scar and flexed your hand, lighting up your Bite as the person came closer. You were more than surprised to see Foggy.

“Jesus.” You sighed, easily slipping back into your accent and disarming. “What are you doing here?”

“Looking for him.” Foggy answered, kneeling at Daredevil’s other side.

“You know him?” You didn’t bother to hide your shock.

“You don’t?”

“I wouldn’t have stayed on this roof if I did.” You shrugged. “Guess you can’t stay out of it even if you wanted to, can you?”

“Guess not.” Foggy chuckled without humor.

“At least you have a friend you know can protect you.”

“Not if he gets himself killed.” He muttered and you couldn’t help but agree.

“Take care of him for me, okay?” You asked as you helped Foggy get Daredevil to his feet.

“I thought you weren’t friends anymore.”

“When I saw that guy take the shot and he went tumbling, something inside me…” You shook your head, deciding you didn’t need to explain all of it. “I just didn’t like what I saw. I tried taking on the guy on my own but I.. I didn’t have a chance. Probably too distracted but.. Look, just take him home, please.”

“Yeah, thanks for looking out for him.” Foggy nodded and you returned the gesture before heading to your apartment.

You had to get into your building through the rooftop door rather than your usual window. You slipped to your floor using the old stairwell that no one seemed to use anymore and got inside your apartment with no fuss. You ditched your suit quickly and showered, noting the blossoming bruises and busted knuckles as you got ready for the day.

Meanwhile, Matt was just lucky to have survived.

“Y’know, Exodus was there when I found you.” Foggy explained as he handed Matt the Aspirin.

“Exodus?” Matt chuckled. “You met her?”

“She looked like she’d been crying all night.” Foggy pressed. “She saw you get shot. Do you realize that?”

“She probably just would’ve rather been the one who pulled the trigger.” Matt pushed himself up with a groan.

“You’re not listening.” Foggy complained. “She cares about you, Matt.”

“No, she doesn’t.” Matt countered easily. “She only cares about herself.”

Matt didn’t fully believe that though. He was glad that Exodus was there and that maybe she did still care, at least a little bit. But as far as what her actions showed, she wanted nothing to do with him anymore and he wouldn’t force her to fight with him if she wouldn’t even talk to him. He knew saying she only cared about herself was hardly any different than when Fisk said she had no loyalty. And in both cases, it just wasn’t true.

“That’s why she stayed on that roof all night with you?” Foggy shrugged. “She went after that guy once you went down.”

Matt groaned in annoyance. Not because of what Foggy said about her being there, but at the fact that she went after the shooter on her own. He knew she was reckless and brave, but he never knew her to be stupid.

“All I’m saying is that you should try to make amends before you end up dead. Whatever happened between you and her, whatever you did to piss her off, you need to figure it out beca-“

“She didn’t like that I didn’t let her kill Fisk that night.” Matt snapped. “She didn’t like that I- I- I knew she could be better. I didn’t let her go around and take lives when it wasn’t up to her.”

“You look like shit.” Foggy resigned, knowing the argument would go nowhere with Matt. In that moment, he understood why Y/N didn’t bother arguing with him anymore. “Stay here. Get some rest. I’ll have Y/N come check on you later.”

“Foggy.” Matt sighed. Hiding it from Y/N was the hardest part of the secret, and with all of that, he didn’t know what he would say when she got there.

“Just don’t.. You already know she’s gonna come anyway when you don’t show up to work today.” Foggy reasoned. “And I’ve covered for you enough as it is. Just… Just stay here.”

You got to the precinct just before Foggy did. Grotto was tense, aggressively on edge. Him and Karen were both terrified, the fear from them vibrating through your bones. It was so dense that you felt it as soon as you walked into the precinct, not even near the interrogation room. You had to take a deep breath when you stepped inside and used it to blow away the frazzled buzzing in the air.

“Where’s Murdock?” Grotto asked when Foggy was the only one to walk in.

“He took a sick day.” Foggy answered before he went around the table to talk to Grotto.

You turned to Karen, who was looking at you with the same quizzical expression you wore. You leaned in and spoke quietly.

“He’s hiding something.” You said simply. “Look how freaked he is.”

“You think it’s about Matt?” She asked in the same hushed tone.

“Or the fact that he knows Daredevil and ran into her this morning.” You shrugged a shoulder. “Either way, I’m guessing it’s another ‘hit by a car’ situation like that one time.”

“Wait. Back up. What?“

You shushed her once the door opened. You nodded to Brett and he gave you a slight wave. After a brief conversation between Brett and Grotto, your trio and Brett stepped out to let him change. You blew out a sigh as you followed Brett, listening to what Brett knew about the shooter.

“Vigilante type.” Brett explained, causing Karen to sneak a glance at you. You were focused on Brett but you saw her glance at your peripherals. “Targeting different crime families.”

“But not in a Daredevil-type way.” You added. “He kicks some ass and the city cheers like we won the goddamn World Series.”

“Not even in an Exodus-type way either.” Brett agreed and your brows raised. “She’s something else but even she doesn’t do this… Anyway, he makes a lot of people question the whole ‘hero’ idea.”

“And what do you think about it? I’m guessing not a whole lot of cops love Daredevil or Exodus.”

“Whole force is split, actually.” Brett shrugged. “Some cops want ‘em gone. Some say they make the job a whole lot easier.”

“But what do you think?”

“I think it’s only a matter of time before the wrong person gets caught in the crossfire.”

“You put it that way, I guess copycats were inevitable.” Foggy added.

“Not even the first, just the latest.” Brett said simply.

You nodded slightly in acknowledgment. You thought about the whole thing while Brett continued talking to Foggy about it. You figured your actions would inspire others to do the same. But you hadn’t thought of how wild it would be. Would that man really have claimed you and Daredevil as inspiration? Could you two really be responsible for a man who opened fire in a hospital?

It made you want to crawl out of your skin.

Targeting the crime families was one thing. It was something you had your fair share of experience with, considering your elimination of the Russians not that long ago. But to put innocent people at risk, just to get to one man? That didn’t sit right with you and it only made you want to find him and get answers.

You needed to take a walk.

“Hey.” You asked Foggy when Brett left. “Do you got this? I wanna go check on Matt. He was fine last night so it’s probably just food poisoning or something with the heat lately but y’know…” You shrugged at your lame excuse.

“Uh..” Foggy looked around and sighed. “Yeah, I got it. Go ahead.”

“You sure? Cause I can stay if you need me.”

“Yeah.” He offered a small smile. “DA’s assistant shouldn’t be too hard to handle.”

“You’ve got Karen, too.” You added and Karen agreed. “I just-“

“You worry about him.. I know.” Foggy nodded and offered a knowing smile.

“Thanks.” You smiled and hurried out.

The walk to Matt’s was quiet so you were able to think. It wasn’t so much that you wanted to stop this new guy. Granted, you didn’t appreciate him blowing holes in people all over town, but it’s not like he was killing good people. He did what you did, but messier. You thought about how you get to him again, get a time where you could get him to talk. Find out his motives, his goals. From there, you could decide if you wanted to fight with him or against him.

You tapped on Matt’s door with two quick knocks. You waited a minute to see if he would open it but he didn’t. You assumed he was asleep so you let yourself in. Coming into the living room, you found Matt around the corner.

Before you could say anything, he had knocked over the glass of water on the corner of the table. You yelped in surprise and jumped back, letting the glass shatter at your feet. You tossed your purse and blazer onto the couch and stepped around Matt to get a towel from the kitchen. You came back to the mess and knelt down, laying the towel over the entirety of the mess.

Your actions stopped when you heard Matt shout. Your head snapped up and your fists tightened, mind racing. You instantly thought something had happened. Someone followed you, the shooter from the hospital maybe. He saw you without your mask last night and was coming to kill you. But looking around, you quickly realized no one was there.

“Matt?” You tried gently as you crossed the room to kneel beside him, though he seemed to ignore you and screamed again. “Matt?”

You reached forward carefully and put a hand on his shoulder, one he quickly jumped away from. You furrowed your brows and reached out again, only this time Matt took a sloppy swing at you. You leaned away easy enough and caught his wrist, slipping your hand in his instead.

“Who…” He said quietly, nearly a whisper. You didn’t need your ability to know he was terrified.

“It’s me.” You answered in the same hushed tone as you guided his hand to your cheek. “You’re okay..”

His thumb traced your cheekbone before following the bridge of your nose to your lips. It reminded you of the first time he felt your face in college.

“Y/N..” He said, so desperately it was almost a whine.

He shifted to lean his shoulders against the wall instead of his back while the hand that was on your face went behind your neck. His other hand wrapped around your waist and he pulled you into his chest. You let out a small ‘oof’ as you fell into his lap but your arms went around him while he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

“I can’t… I can’t hear.” He mumbled against your skin. “I can’t hear.”

You closed your eyes and focused on him. His fear hadn’t changed but there was a relief mixed in. He was glad to not be alone but also terrified of losing another sense. You thought of how you could help him if he couldn’t hear you, so you took a chance and used your power.

You knew that emotions could relay messages and hold weight, depending on how individual people interpreted them. As you had been recently developing your powers to be more precise, you began learning that if you put enough intention behind what you did, you could essentially send a specific message.

So that’s what you did. Through the close grip he had on you, you let yourself absorb some of his fear and replace it with comfort, safety. You focused until those two emotions were nearly balanced and the physical tension in his body subsided. His hold on you tightened, practically begging for you not to leave him.

You’re gonna be okay. You’re not alone.

“Thank you.” He finally broke the silence after you didn’t know how long. He loosened his hold on you so you sat back to see him clearly. You kept hold of his hands loosely while he talked. “I’m glad you came by.”

“Something happened…” You said sadly, though you didn’t expect him to hear you. His head tilted but you kept going. “I know you won’t tell me but.. No one suddenly goes deaf unless something drastic happens… But, again, you won’t tell me so, I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I don’t want to worry you.” He said honestly, giving your hands a squeeze.

“Then be more careful.” You scolded when you realized he heard you. “Cause if we lose you, I… I don’t have a lot left.”

“I’m sorry. Really, I am.” He offered a lopsided smile. “I’ll try, okay?”

“Promise me.”

“What?” He chuckled.

“Promise me.” You repeated firmly.

“Okay, okay.” He smiled, letting go of one of your hands to cross his heart. “I swear.”

“Thank you.” You nodded. “Now, I need to go.”

“Wait. Really?” Matt said quickly as you got to your feet.

“Yes, really. Foggy’s down at the precinct and the DA’s office is probably already there. We still have to figure out Grotto’s witpro. I can’t sit here on the floor with you all day.”

Even if you wanted to. Even if you wanted to remain in his embrace, listening to his heart beat. Feeling safe.

“Right.” Matt nodded, though his disappointment hit you in the chest like a brick.

“But call me if you need anything… Okay?” You said as you grabbed your stuff. “I’ll come as soon as I can.”

“Yeah, yeah, I will. Thanks, Y/N/N.”

“See ya later, Matty.”

You peaked at your phone on the way out and saw a text from Karen.

karen : DA office says it’s one guy.

karen: they almost have a complete profile

karen: “the Punisher”

280 notes · View notes

post-futurism · 10 months

Text

Thank you for tagging me in the Get To Know Me tag game @monstrousteaparty - i am starting a new post because the long post is... very long.

Last song: Two Weeks by FKA Twigs

Currently watching: Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. I also just finished the Sex Life Of College Girls s2 which i really dug, although i thought it was really weird that it wasn’t mentioned at all that Pauline Chalamet’s character lost a bunch of weight? like i thought it was really cool that she wasn’t as stick thin as her brother in s1 but in s2 she seems to have lost so much weight to the point where her character is almost unrecognisable and nobody says anything?? america explain.

Currently reading: I’m reading Cynthia Nolan’s biography by M. E. McGuire which has actually been kinda boring in the way McGuire has put the historical information together but i’m reading it for the drama. frankly obsessed with the heide circle and everyone involved so i’m reading about Cynthia’s life with a v queer lens and taking from it what i want. thinking about writing a fictional historical take of the polyamorous drama that happened within the heide circle but not sure i want to be crucified by the historical puritans so not sure if this will just stay in my dreams or become a reality lol. anyway that’s kind of my purpose for reading this book.

Current obsession: for like two (2) days it was the Millau Viaduct (read about it on wikipedia it’s WILD) but i think genuinely my long time obsession since may last year has been soulwax. every time i think i’m normal about them, one of their songs will weed it’s way into the youtube algorithm playlist and im like o ya they rule. they just *clenches fist* they make such cool sounds.

Tagging @peter-weir (i already love you but want to know what you’re up to lately), @submalevolentgrace @bodyholly @tvmilfs @borderlinemediocre @chikyful @wateryblasts @captainreverie @insanewizards @broccoliwave @harrringtons @mrrrl

#about me #i'm going to a 2000s club festival in august and if not a single dj there plays soulwax i'll kick someone i s2g #sorry i feel like half the tags didn't work on this

15 notes · View notes

purrincess-chat · 7 months

Note

I hear fans saying that ladrien sucks because canon doesn’t give us any crumbs but ummm hello? How is marichat the most popular ship then because marichat is also not very much prevalent in the show. Ladynoir and adrinette have always been the primary focus. And ladrien and marichat have been equally shown. Like in s1 we had evillustrator and Simon says and volpina, in s2 glaciator and befana and style queen and gorizilla, in s3 weredad and desperada, in s4 glaciator 2 and ephemeral and strike back. I think the only time ladrien got less than marichat was in s5 but even then there was deflagration. So I definitely don’t understand the narrative that ladrien is given less attention than marichat. It’s just that mc stans dgaf about canon and make outlandish claims.

(I think I submitted this ask before but I’m not sure it reached. So I’m sorry for ranting in your inbox twice.)

It did not reach me the first time (yay tumblr!) So good call. I was actually thinking after I responded to a previous ask recently about how people want Adrien and Marinette to breakup to restore balance, and my thought was: what balance? Because you're right the love square has never been "balanced" between the sides. LN and Adrinette always had the most screentime and development, and up until s4 MC actually had the least. Yet, it was the most popular ever since Evillustrator aired. It's only been in the last couple seasons that Ladrien has had less screentime than they had been getting (s4 and 5 didn't have a designated "ladrien" episode like prior seasons, I mean), but we still had some pretty big moments with them.

It's just always some people's excuse to shit on Ladrien because they see it as a threat to their favorite side because instead of recognizing that the love square is the same two people, they view each side as its own ship that's competing with the other 3. That's why the Ladrien tag gets filled with bullshit rankings and favorite ship polls because people don't understand what the love square is or how it operates. The sides aren't working against each other. They're all working in tandem toward one goal: an eventual post reveal relationship between the two where all sides converge and form a singular dynamic. But peoples response to Adrinette being canon just proves that people don't understand that. I think that's the most annoying part of it to me is that it so clearly demonstrates that people don't understand the show/this ship. Like it's one thing to be a bit bummed your favorite side wasn't the one that got to be canon official (and stick for longer than an episode) but it's another thing to claim the show is ruined, it's bad writing, bad for the characters, toxic, unfair, unhealthy, boring, etc.

Honestly, it's so wild to me how this fandom treats the requited sides of the square. Up until s5, people didn't like Ladrien because it was requited and "boring" and "they don't even have to try" and "all they do is blush and stammer" (which isn't even the Ladrien dynamic at all, but I digress) and now that Adrinette is canon I see those exact same arguments being flung. Interestingly, I saw posts after Elation aired from MC stans whining that MC is boring and "like Ladrien" now, and it honestly melted my brain a little. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the point of ships that they get together? Is that not what we want? I'd get it if it were some random background ship with no hope of ever coming to fruition but this is the flagship of the whole show. We are supposed to want them to like each other back and get together...

This fandom is a cesspool honestly. I see people hurt themselves in confusion every day about this ship. Ladrien has always gotten the short end of the stick in this fandom, for no real reason other than people are weird and lack the ability to comprehend the media they consume. It's annoying, but that's what the block button is for. 🤷‍♀️

#cat replies #asks #s5 discourse #ml fandom salt

8 notes · View notes

stranger-rants · 1 year

Note

(1) I hate how the Duffers and no one im the ST fandom allows Nancy to be flawed and how she's now shapped as this person incapable of making mistakes. With that mentioned, all these anons around Billy Tumblr finding genuine joy when she's bullied by Carol and Tommy (which i admittedly like how they embrace their mean energy), even after she's concerned about finding Barb, saying that her hitting Steve was wrong and that she shouldn't have reacted like that, making "nancy wheeler slander" party posts, the whole sex shaming situation that a lot of fans still feed into these days, blame her for Barb's death, claiming that all those moments that she was ridiculized weren't a big deal, pretty much laughing and saying that she deserves all that treatment just because she is annoying and entitled its something that pretty much makes my stomach churn in ways that i can hardly describe...

(2) This is coming from someone that stopped caring about her after S3, bur also from someone who has been in same slut shaming bullying situations and that possessive jealosy treatment Steve (i'm not saying he's bad either) gave her on S1 just because he thought she was cheating on him with Jonathan

I’ve only gotten a couple negative anons about Nancy, and they’re usually about Nancy and Steve. Otherwise, I don’t get these posts on my dash nor do I see them in the tags because I don’t follow anyone doing these things and I generally stick to the Billy Hargrove tag only. I think a possible reason for the antagonism in “Billy fandom” have to do with how many vocal Nancy fans are Antis, but at the same time there’s prominent Steve fans who are Antis as well and Steve does tend to avoid criticism for a lot of things. It just reads to me like two characters being pit against each other for the nice guy love interest Steve which is a tale as old as time in fandom spaces.

I do think Nancy and Steve come with an entitled attitude to certain situations, but that’s because of class. I am also critical of the way that the Duffers use her as a “girl boss” while also positioning her and her family as conservative. There’s something about how they’re not just trying to capture the pop culture nostalgia of the 80s, but the political nostalgia of the 80s through their most popular characters that really bothers me… but again Nancy is ultimately a teenage girl with her own flaws just like any other character on the show. I wish fans of the character and fans who hate the character alike would spend less time making it our problem.

I’m not particularly interested in The Wheelers, so I don’t spend a lot of time willingly talking about them unless something comes up that I want to address. I’m ambivalent to Nancy, but I will get defensive if fans pull unfair criticisms of just plain hate against her on my blog but really this isn’t a Billy fandom problem exclusively. I know post season two and three, there was a lot of discourse among Steve fans about her and what she “owed” or didn’t owe Steve. That pissed me off and I’ve spoken up about that in the past on my main blog, but really she is not the character I care to spend the majority of my time talking about outside of that.

I understand the discomfort this brings, but it also makes me uncomfortable how a wedge has been purposefully driven between Nancy fans and Billy fans despite the characters hardly interacting. The amount of hate comments I’ve seen from Nancy fans in the Billy tag is astounding and I’ve blocked many of their accounts, which might be why I don’t see this particular fandom discourse all the time. I don’t go into the Nancy tag, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they get similar hate posts. I just don’t see any of my mutuals doing that, nor giving love and support to hateful anons. I think it’s worthwhile to look at the wider fandom for criticism on this one.

#asks

22 notes · View notes

phoenixtakaramono · 11 hours

Note

Question, so how are things with the A prince and his baron given what we have seen of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva boss? Are you planning to continue it, rewritting it according to what we've seen in both shows or just its gonna stay like that? No pressure to answer and of course its your story after all so you get to decide what to do with it

Hullo, anon! I’m happy to answer any questions for any of my WIPs. 💞 Regarding A Prince and His Baron and its status:

Question, so how are things with the A prince and his baron given what we have seen of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva boss?

It’s still waiting its turn! Because I’m a multi-WIP writer across several fandoms, just so it’s fair to everyone who’s been patiently waiting for whichever fic it is from me, I’m responsibly going down the masterlist of story updates (which I’d pinned on my tumblr). The schedule was intended to be rotational, so I’m trying to stick to updating 1 chapter per story going down the list before circling back to the top. So unless I get hit by a strong burst of inspiration, P&B ch5 should be updated after The Untold Tale ch6. So keep an eye out for that! A key hint, the content on my tumblr blog & twitter usually reflects which fandom I’m working on that corresponds to the WIP currently being updated. So if I start posting/tweeting a lotta Hellaverse stuff, y’know I’m working on P&B. Once it’s P&B’s turn, I’ll be posting more chapter sneak peeks. ;)

I don’t remember if I ever tweeted it or posted a sneak peek here—it might’ve been buried underneath my threadfic updates for another fandom—but after watching Hazbin Hotel S1, I felt a lil inspired and broke my rule of usually hardcore immersing & pigeonholing myself to the fandom of whichever WIP I’m working on (which is currently Truce ch3). I sneakily wrote a bit of P&B ch5 based on what I’d seen and tweeted/posted a sneak peek of what I added to the upcoming P&B chapter. But in case my memory exists in delulu land, haha, here are some screenshots from the Google Doc itself 🤫:

This is during the time when I wrote a short Chaggie threadfic (tumblr / twitter) and broke out my ol’ tablet to draw a shippy Chaggie fanart as a watcher enthusiastically celebrating the show airing, haha. P&B might not be ready yet but this was my small way to show support. And y'all can thank the 2024 Hellaverse Collab artists project for getting me in the mood to make my next 900 followers celebration illustration involving Vox and Alastor (it's a bit special to me because it's my first time illustrating Alastor and, y'all don't know this, but I'd liked Alastor from the pilot ep, which was what led into getting into Helluva Boss and later to me creating P&B in the first place as a fan's small contribution, to show my support for the creator's landmark creative endeavor).

Are you planning to continue it, rewriting it according to what we've seen in both shows or just its gonna stay like that?

It's still being continued! And it is definitely going to stay as it is, ah. Fortunately we only have 4 chapters so far so I didn't have to change much, of the things I'm willing to change.

I'd answered an Ask regarding this awhile back (you'd have to comb through my Tags Masterlist) but the tl;dr is: Given what I've seen thus far, I'm going to be taking inspirations from both shows and ignoring certain canon things (like the childhood friends aspect, because that contradicts the entire driving force of the fish-out-of-water meet cute in my story where they meet in the prologue as complete strangers—and we'll see them fall in love with each other as the story proceeds despite the political machinations of Hell's upper crust society and the challenges awaiting them). It's the reason why I made A Prince and His Baron into an AU to be safe; this way, once something later revealed to be canon contradicts what's written in the story, it's an AU. So it's fine. Otherwise, and I'm being honest, I get demotivated to continue a fic if I face the herculean task of...like, having to change details across 15 chapters just so it's canon accurate. I don't have the time for that. For small changes though, like the pilot surname of "Magne" changing to Amazon Prime confirmed "Morningstar" surname, that's fine. It's just a matter of pressing Crtl+F and doesn't require a HUGE rewrite. :)

The way I want y'all to think, going into P&B, it's an Alternate Universe. If there are any references to canon, like all my WIPs that are AU in concept, those are lil canon Easter Eggs I sprinkle in for funsies. And anything not canon (like Stolas being a wee more debonair/ manipulative and politically savvy in my fic (Blitz's first impression), but behind that Stolas is still a bookish, sweet and dorky royal gentleman as Blitz will come to find...so that's a wee closer to the Stolas in canon), my veering away from canon is done on purpose to tell a story. So, y'all, don't come at me if something's not canon in A Prince and His Baron, haha. I can't read Viv's and HB writers' minds! The most I can do is try to keep up to date with the kernels the Spindelhorse team mention on Twitter, and keep up with both shows to see the direction they're going in (this way I can borrow canon characters instead of creating OCs and I can get a more accurate grasp on their personalities instead of guessing due to the lack of material at the time).

I'll be excited to be back and continue P&B once we get to its turn! Boy, do I miss that world. And, boy, do I have so many exciting things I want to share with y'all.

#helluva boss #hazbin hotel #stolitz #ask #anon #phoenix talks #ty for the ask <3 #preview

2 notes · View notes

alyssaforevermore · 3 months

Text

Unearthed ↦ Daryl Dixon season one, part five

Show: The Walking Dead (S1-S11)

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader

Warnings: coarse language, violence, character deaths, drug and alcohol references, series spoilers and general The Walking Dead content warnings!

Tags: @1ivinqdeadqir1 @callmeyn @thegeorgiahuntsman @mellxander1993 @bigbaldheadname @cjmonsterwolf @abbi23323 @actuallyklee @lanxsee @livingdeadblondequeen @suniloli (won't let me tag you sorry)

Masterlist

You sat back in the office building, Rick unzipping the bag of guns and beginning to divide them.

“We can’t seriously be giving into them, right?” You asked.

“Them guns are worth more than gold.” Daryl spoke. “Gold won't protect your family or put food on the table. You're gonna give that up for that kid?”

T-Dog nodded. “If I knew we'd get Glenn back, I might agree. But you think that Vato across the way is just gonna hand him over?”

“We need to get Glenn back, but we can’t give up the guns.” You spoke.

“Are you calling G a liar?”

Daryl smacked the back of Miguel’s head. “Are you a part of this? You want to hold onto your teeth?”

“Question is, do you trust that man’s word?” T-Dog asked.

Daryl shook his head. “No, the question is what are you willing to bet on it? Could be more than guns. Could be your life. Is Glenn worth that to you?”

“What life I have I owe to him.” Rick responded. “I was nobody to Glenn, just some idiot stuck in a tank. He could have walked away, but he didn’t. Neither will I.”

Knowing Glenn was the reason you had your brother back again hit you like a ton of bricks. You hadn’t heard the details until now. You’d always liked Glenn, but now you knew you had to do this. You owed him everything.

“So you’re gonna hand the guns over?” Daryl asked.

“I didn’t say that.” Rick took a deep breath. “There’s nothing keeping you three here. You should get out of the city, head back to camp.”

“Are you insane?” You asked.

“What are we supposed to tell your family?”

“Come on, this is nuts.” Miguel sighed. “Just do like G says.”

You shook your head. “Rick, if you’re doing this, we’re with you. I said we have to stick together here, and I still mean it.”

Rick looked between the three of you, unsure of how to respond. Finally, he nodded, grabbing the guns. “Let’s get this done.”

…

The four of you arrived back at the hideout with Miguel tied up in front of you. The doors opened and Rick pushed the boy inside.

G stepped forward, looking amongst you. “I see my guns but they’re not all in the bag.”

“That’s because they’re not yours.” Rick responded. “I thought I mentioned that.”

Felipe stepped forward. “Let’s just shoot these fools right now, ese. All right? Unload on their asses.”

“I don’t think you fully appreciate the gravity of this situation.”

“No, I’m pretty clear.” Rick cut Miguel’s bindings, pushing him towards the group. “You have your man. I want mine.”

G’s eyes narrowed, stepping closer. “I'm gonna chop up your boy. I'm gonna feed him to my dogs. They're the evilest, nastiest man-eating bitches you ever saw. I picked them up from Satan at a yard sale. I told you how it has to be. Are you woefully deaf?”

“No, my hearing’s fine. You said come locked and loaded.” Rick cocked his shotgun, aiming at G as you all followed suit. “Okay then, we’re here.”

“Felipe!” The sound of a lady’s voice came through the crowd. “Felipe!”

“Abuela, go back with the others… now.”

“Get that old lady out of the line of fire!” Daryl hissed.

“Abuela, listen to your mijo, okay? This is not the place for you right now.” G whispered.

“Mr. Gilbert is having trouble breathing. He needs his asthma stuff. Carlitos didn't find it. He needs his medicine.” The woman spoke.

G shook his head. “Felipe, go take care of it, okay? And take your grandmother with you.”

“Abuela! Ven conmigo por favor.”

“Who are these people?” The woman asked, stepping closer as she eyed Rick. “Don’t you take him.”

“Ma’am?”

“Felipe's a good boy. He has his trouble but he pulls himself together. We need him here.”

Rick lowered his gun, his voice soft. “Ma’am, I’m not here to arrest your grandson.”

“Then what do you want him for?”

“He’s… Helping us find a missing person. Fella named Glenn.”

“The Asian boy?” She asked. “He’s with Mr. Gilbert. Come, I’ll show you.”

The woman took Rick’s hand, leading him through the crowd.

G sighed. “Let them pass.”

The woman led everyone outside, coming up to a whole new area. She pushed the door open, stepping into what looked like a nursing home. There was medical equipment scattered around, an older man sitting in a room off to the side. You soon entered a gymnasium, a crowd of people gathered around an elderly man. Felipe handed him an inhaler, guiding him through his breathing.

“What the hell is this?” Rick asked.

“An asthma attack.” You finally noticed Glenn. “He couldn’t get his breath all of a sudden.”

“I thought you were being eaten by dogs, man!” T-Dog spoke.

You turned around, three Chihuahua’s sitting nicely on a dog bed. One let out a small bark.

Rick turned to G, glaring hard. “Could I have a word with you?”

G nodded, leading your group out of the gym and towards a small office.

“You're the dumbest son of a bitch I ever met.” Rick snapped. “We walked in there ready to kill every last one of you.”

“Well, I'm glad it didn't go down that way.” G responded.

“If it had, that blood would’ve been on our hands.” You spoke.

“Mine too.” G nodded. “We'd have fought back. Wouldn't be the first time we've had to. Protect the food, the medicine… what's left of it. These people, the old ones… the staff took off, just left 'em here to die. Me and Felipe were the only ones who stayed.”

“What are you, doctors?”

“Felipe’s a nurse… a special care provider. Me, I’m the custodian.”

“What about the rest of your crew?” Rick asked.

“The Vatos trickled in to check on their parents, their grandparents. They see how things are and most decide to stay. It's a good thing too. We need the muscle. The people we've encountered since things fell apart, the worst kind… plunderers, the kind that take by force.”

Rick shook his head. “That’s not who we are.”

“How was I to know?” G asked. “My people got attacked and you show up with Miguel hostage… appearances.”

“Guess the world’s changed.” T-Dog commented.

G shook his head. “No. It's the same as it ever was. The weak get taken. So we do what we can here. The Vatos work on those cars, talk about getting the old people out of the city. But most can't even get to the bathroom by themselves, still, it keeps the crew busy, and that's worth something. So we barred all the windows, welded all the doors shut except for one entrance. The Vatos, they go out, scavenge what they can to keep us going. We watch the perimeter night and day and we wait. The people here, they all look to me now. I don't even know why.”

“Because they can.” Rick smiled.

Rick took the bag off his back, laying it on the desk before beginning to divide the guns. He gave the group about half of them before the five of you left, heading back to your van.

As you neared the van, Glenn smiled. “Admit it, you only came back to Atlanta for the hat.”

You looked at Rick, who placed the hat on his head. “Don’t tell anybody.”

“You’ve given away half our guns and ammo.” Daryl huffed.

“Not nearly half.”

“For what?” Daryl asked. “Bunch of old farts who are gonna die off momentarily anyhow? Seriously, how long do you think they got?”

“How long do any of us?” You asked.

Daryl shook his head, walking further ahead of the group. Someone urged you to catch up to him, jogging ahead.

“Hey,” You spoke, earning a glare. “I’m sorry we couldn’t find your brother.”

Daryl’s face softened but as he went to respond, Glenn let out a gasp.

“Oh my god.”

You looked ahead, noticing the van was no longer where you’d left it.

“Where the hell’s our van?” Daryl asked.

“We left it right here!” Glenn sighed. “Who would take it.”

“Merle.” Rick responded.

Daryl shook his head. “If he did, he’s gonna be taking some vengeance back to camp.”

…

The five of you rushed back to camp on foot, finally nearing the top of the quarry at nighttime. The lack of tire tracks on the ground was a good sign, but for all you knew, Merle could’ve parked down the hill and walked the rest of the way.

Suddenly, the sound of gunshots filled the air. You all exchanged looks before beginning to run the rest of the way. As you arrived at camp, walkers were scattered everywhere as people screamed in terror. You noticed the bodies of some of your people, torn apart by the dead.

“Y/N?” Rick asked.

You searched for your knife, remembering you’d dropped it in the city. “Shit. I need a gun!”

Rick tossed you his python, which he’d thankfully loaded earlier, beginning to shoot the dead with a shotgun.

You tried to clear a way towards the RV, the dead just getting closer and closer. There were far too many of them. Your attention shifted as you noticed Lori and Carl behind Shane, who was shooting the dead in front of him.

You felt a hand grab your shoulder, letting out a scream as you pulled yourself away. Just as it was about to bite your arm, a crossbow bolt flew through its head. You looked around, Daryl rushing towards you.

“Come here,” He spoke, leading you towards one of the cars.

He helped you climb up before running off again. You now had the high ground, shooting as many of the dead as you could before your bullets ran out. Now you stood on top of the car, relying on the others to shoot the last few dead surrounding you.

Finally, things grew silent as you took in the carnage around you. There was so much blood, more than you’d seen before.

“Dad!” Carl screamed.

“Carl!” Rick called back, running and pulling his family into his arms.

You slid down off the car, rushing over to the group.

“Amy!” You heard Andrea call, grabbing your attention.

Amy laid on the ground, bleeding from her neck and arm while Andrea held her close. You could hear her struggling to breathe before finally, she fell silent.

Andrea began to sob, repeating her sister’s name over and over again.

Jim took off his hat, shaking his head. “This was the dream I had last night. I remember it now.”

----

AN: Thank you for reading this chapter! The last two have finally started getting into Daryl/Reader and I'm so excited to continue developing the relationship. If you'd like to request to be tagged in future chapters, you can do so here. Please be sure to like and reblog <3

#daryl dixon; unearthed #twd #twd fanfiction #twd fanfic #daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon x reader

48 notes · View notes

davnittbraes · 10 months

Text

Why I Wrote TWILE

I just want to be clear, I’m not posting this looking for sympathy or criticism or any particular kind of attention. To be honest, I’m posting this because my therapist told me I should try being emotionally vulnerable in a safe space, which like, gross but whatever fine I’ll do it, she’s the expert I guess.

Fine. I’m also doing this for myself.

I guess I love self-torture.

OKAY FINE yes I’m doing this because I want to and I’m serious, no sarcasm or deflecting jokes.

Just me. Being emotionally vulnerable. 🤮.

Tagging a few lovely people who have supported me and this story since the beginning or very nearly. I don’t expect you to read this, every word or at all, I just wanted to share this part of myself to better communicate why your support means so much to me, if you choose to read it. ❤️ you all

TW for depression and suicidal thoughts. Sorry 😅

@leithatnight @shirks-all-responsibilities @katareyoudrilling @ah-prick24

And if she ever crosses over to the hellsite from AO3, NumaNerraNerra.

*****

I wrote the first words of what would become The World Is Light, Embodied almost two years ago.

I remember it very clearly. It’s one of those singular points in your life that stick to the walls of your memory, just as bright and fresh as when it happened, playing on repeat so every time you walk by it’s right there for you to watch. I’ve done that countless times now, wondering over the significance of that moment, trying to figure out why it’s so different from all the other moments of my life, especially all those moments when I wrote other stories.

What made this one moment, this one story, so special that the memory of starting it stands out? Why does it feel like in that moment there was a shift in my very existence when life started moving in a different direction?

I’ve examined it from every possible angle trying to find the answer.

It was around 1am. I was laying in bed, unable to sleep as I waited for what I knew would be another trip to the hospital that night. My ex-husband (though at the time we were married) has a heart disease that was slowly killing him, with no cure or treatment in sight, and for most of 2020 and 2021 we were at the hospital at least once a night.

Well, he was at the hospital.

It was in the middle of the pandemic, hospitals weren’t allowing any visitors, so the most I could do was drop him off at the ER doors, sit in the parking lot and wait for someone to call me. To tell me either he was all right, or he… wasn’t. If they even happened to get my number in the middle of the chaos.

That particular night, as I lay there listening to my ex grab what few minutes of sleep he could get before his heart woke him up again, I was letting my thoughts drift, picking through whatever floated to the surface of my mind, and for some reason (probably because I’m a giant SW nerd) I started piecing apart the first season of The Mandalorian, contemplating the character of Din Djarin and how beautifully complex and layered he is, how conflicted and tragic, yet despite that, a character who eventually finds some sort of happiness.

S1 is when Din is shoved into situations where he has no choice but to make decisions. Should he betray the Guild to rescue the child? Should he take the child into his care? Should he seek help from others outside of his covert and trust people who may learn things to use against him? Ultimately, those decisions force him to face his past, present and future, and begin to discover who he truly is.

I didn’t really see the connection then, but I think I was drawn to him because of that - here was a character who had been through so much, had shut down emotionally and forced the entire galaxy out, focused on his obligations to avoid dealing with his own pain, yet somehow, he found a tiny spark of light in the darkness. He found hope. Because he made choices that led him down a path where he could see that light.

But the thing that drew me to him the most was the conflict of his obligation to his people - to others - and his need for self-fulfillment. Because they weren’t one and the same.

He was morally committed to his creed but despite what he thought, it did not truly fulfill him, give him the sense of purpose that he was seeking. This is what resonated the most with me.

Because as my ex-husband was fighting for his life, as I was sitting in parking lots at all hours of the day waiting for that phone call, as I was working every spare minute at my full-time job to pay the bills but also struggling to keep our owner-operated business from going under, as I was stumbling along the dark path with no hope in sight, I was thinking of divorce.

And I was so deeply, unshakeably ashamed.

Things hadn’t been good between us for years. We were never great together, playing off each other’s negative traits until it quickly became toxic, then outright abusive. But we cared about each other, and we were following those steps that we were told we should - find a partner, get married, settle down. So we did the whole song and dance, trying all the tricks to make it work - moved cities several times for a “fresh start,” bought a house, tried and failed to have kids, opened a business to, for me at least, fill that void that children might have, thinking working together to grow a business would make our relationship stronger.

But if the foundation is weak, it doesn’t matter what you build. It will always crumble, given time.

There was no precise moment when I realized I needed to leave him. It’s like it was bubbling beneath the surface of my awareness for a long time, a familiar background hum, so when it finally came to the forefront there was no epiphany. Just a tired, defeated acknowledgment of that truth.

I started making plans. Thinking about how I could get out, how I could save up money - all of our banking accounts were shared - and where I could go. I started planning out how I was going to tell him.

And I began trying to bolster my self-confidence, reassure myself that I could do this, I could get out and I could make a life for myself that didn’t feel so dark and heavy.

It took several months for me to finally start believing that rhetoric.

Then I began looking at ads for apartments, subtly weeding through my belongings to get ready to pack, gearing myself up for the moment when I would say those words out loud and finally take the next step in my life.

Shortly after, he almost died, the first time.

Everything else was pushed aside as we worked through appointments and tests and procedures. Processed possible diagnoses, the implications of such.

But it was still there, in my mind, that understanding of how unhealthy our relationship really was, how desperately I needed to get out of it, through the months and eventually years of waiting for an official diagnosis.

And what was I going to do, leave this human being who had been my partner for 10 years at a time when he was facing that deeply intrinsic fear we can all relate to?

An early death. A life incomplete.

Even though I wanted to leave him, I still cared about him. I loved him, just not in a way that was healthy.

So we stayed together.

As he struggled with facing his own mortality, I fought with overwhelming shame and anxiety and anger. I was furious with myself for wanting a new life while he was trying to hold onto his. What right did I have to wish for more when he was going through so much, when he needed me most? It was nauseating, every time the thought of leaving him crossed my mind.

Which it did. Often.

Because our crumbling foundation was not strong enough to hold up under the strain of such a serious health issue, a business that went under due to so many reasons out of our control, a global pandemic that shoved fear directly into our hearts and minds daily. We were both angry at everything, angry at the life we had thought we wanted giving us so much pain. And we took it out on each other.

The fighting became almost non-stop, increasingly cruel and emotionally damaging. I fell into a deep depression, started searching for other ways out. Started thinking about how easy suicide would be compared to the pain of my day to day.

I’d had suicidal thoughts before, throughout my life. And I’ve learned how insidious they are, how they can tempt so enticingly. But I’ve also learned that’s not something I truly want for myself. I rejected them as best I could.

It wasn’t easy, though. Not when the aspects of my life that had sparked those thoughts into existence were still there.

It only made me desperate to leave, but I was trapped by my obligation to him, my guilt and shame, and I could do nothing but rage and hate myself for even thinking of leaving him.

And on that night almost two years ago, when I lay in bed thinking about Din Djarin who carried so much pain, about this character who was trapped in a life he never asked for and chained to vows he didn’t understand the implications of when he spoke them, how he managed to find something that gave him hope, suddenly Tionas came into being.

This character who, like Din, had suffered and struggled and lost, but somehow found the strength to keep going. Like him, her life was day by day, pulled in different directions but never in the direction they truly needed to achieve happiness. Until they met each other.

And I started writing. Ducked under the covers to avoid the light of my phone waking up my ex-husband - not only to avoid waking him, but also because I felt the need to hide it from him, this little jewel of hope that I’d found in the depths of my mind. He’d made fun of my love of writing too many times for me to trust him with this, and so it became my secret, a hidden niche in my life I could step in and out of whenever I wanted, take cover from everything around me and lose myself in a world that no one else knew of.

My ex-husband did go to the hospital again that night, and as I sat in the parking lot, I kept writing. And I wrote every time I was there again. I wrote about Din and Tionas and Grogu finding each other, and finding happiness, purpose, meaning. I wrote to distract myself from waiting for that phone call from the hospital, from thinking about what my next step would be, from sinking into the cycle of self-hate and shame and desperation for freedom.

Every line of the first draft was an attempt to focus my mind on something other than the fear and helplessness that surrounded me with every step.

I wrote The World Is Light, Embodied to find some hope in a world that seemed so hopeless.

So when I went to post the last few chapters, I was hit, blindsided, by the realization that my source of distraction from pain, that one thing in my life that had held me up at times when all I wanted to do was fall, was ending. I couldn’t handle it, I retreated into myself after working so hard for so long to push back my shell and let others see me. It brought on more shame, disappointment in myself.

It took time, but when I did finally work through how I was feeling, I realized… it was okay. It made sense that I felt the way I did about TWILE ending. It had been a significant part of my life for so long, I was afraid of what life would look like after it was done.

Just like I had been afraid to leave my ex.

I hadn’t been aware, until that moment, of how much fear I’d held onto. Fear of my ex dying, fear of leaving him and failing to find my own path, fear of giving into those suicidal thoughts.

TWILE was my safety net, my distraction from all of that fear. Without it, what would I do? Who would I be? How could I keep going?

The answer was simple. I just… would.

Because it wasn’t a story that kept me alive, that kept me moving forward.

I did.

I found a way to survive, by immersing myself in that imaginary world. I was capable of finding other ways to survive, no matter what I faced.

And that realization led to another - I had done it, something I had worked toward for most of my life.

I had finished a story.

Put a piece of my soul out there for people to see, something that others had found their own personal meaning in, and I understood myself better for it.

I had accomplished something I’d always wanted for myself, despite everything.

Now, I sit here, writing this, alone in my tiny apartment. My ex and I split a few months ago, after several surgeries and a steady run of good health for him. After I finally found the strength to leave and move in the direction I had been looking at from afar for so long.

So. Here I am, at the beginning of my next step, with the last chapter of TWILE complete and posted, ending the journey of those characters who had been stuck on a path that was too dark to see until they finally found a light to guide their way.

My own journey, too.

As I sit here, I think of the people I’ve met through this little Star Wars fanfiction, people I truly consider my friends, who have been there for me when I needed some kind words and encouragement. People that I will continue to cherish and love and grow with.

I think of all those people who - maybe, hopefully - found some light for themselves in this story.

And as I write this, I already know - this moment will also cling to my memory, bright and shining and clear.

This moment is a solemn farewell to my past. Looking back at all the steps I’ve taken, whether it was crawling on my knees or running full tilt or walking steadily head held high. It’s an acknowledgment of what is behind each and every word of this story that was my light in the darkness, my way of working through hopelessness toward hope.

To where I am today. Looking forward, to the next step.

Where will that take me?

I don’t know. But I do know that wherever it is, I’m going to survive. And I’m going to live.

Undefeated.

#another davnitt essay no one asked for #look I did my homework as promised #do I get a sticker this week #obvs joking I do not share my Tumblr with my therapist #lol can you imagine #oof #being emotionally vulnerable is haarrdddd #0/10 not a fan #but it’s done #the world is light embodied #TWILE

12 notes · View notes