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marmie-noir · 2 years

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The Trials of Loving a Tenakth - Kotallo x OC Fic - Chapter 0 (Character Intros and TW info)

I wanted to work on posting a bit about my character as well as information/background on her! She came to me when I was first playing the first game years ago, being super interested in the world that HZD made, and once I saw Kotallo I knew they would work. Her profile and info is under the cut! Heads up, I’ve done a lot of world building and did make a whole new clan for my character, so I apologize if it’s long winded!

Also as a warning, this will be an 18+ story with detailed smut. I’m pretty comfortable writing those situations so anyone without an age in bio pls do not follow/reblog or you risk being blocked!

TWs at this time include: Mentions of slavery, violence, explicit sexual scenes, size kink, breeding, edging, a LOT of sexual tension, game appropriate violence, casual nudity.

The main character of this story is Anara. Anara is from a tribe called the Vari from across the great Eastern Sea. She was born in the shadow of the Great Smoking Mountain. The Vari is a clan was known for a few specific traits. Physically most of the Vari clan has traditionally brown hair and bright eyes (either blue or a mix of greens). They mainly work with bo staffs or two swords while fighting, and also have a specialized style of hand to hand combat passed down through generations. Beyond the general up front battling they also had a cunning nature, knowing when to work from the shadows in secret against their enemies versus charging head on towards danger. The society is based upon honor, a warrior’s honor is their worth, so the Vari did not use trickery against one another but instead invaders to their sacred lands.

Women and men were treated the same as far as power and rights, like land ownership and courtships. Vari women are known for their beauty, normally longer legs, and having their long hair done in complex traditional braids that incorporate beads and/or feathers. Vari men are known for their intricate chest tattoo’s and equally long hair. The longer the hair the stronger the warrior as it was common for someone to cut their hair if they lost a battle. They do utilize makeup but more so as battle paint styles of bright colors and black versus using it as class markings like the Carja. The Vari’s use of war paint is commonly made of designs on their face around their eyes and mouth. Think red fangs on their cheeks or black face paint around their eyes. It was common for couples to do war paint for one another as a sign of great respect.

They were a tribe with a pretty basic social structure, more a mix of Tenakth and Utaru as far as being a war capable people but also thriving during peaceful times amongst the greenery of their homeland versus having casks or a royal leader beyond chiefs who was voted into place by each tribe. Their belief is strength has a place as well as kindness. When Anara was roughly 10/12 a raid happened to her small tribe of Vari, being one of many smaller clans, and most were killed including both of her parents. The remaining members enslaved by a Carja War party. She was brought over to the West past the Nora lands to Meridian where she was purchased by a brothel owner.

Her life from there was working hard daily to please her mistress. Cleaning rooms, cooking food, training in the arts of seduction as her mistress intended to have her soon start working as a Lady. When she was 15 her mistress went to have her take her first customer and Anara ended up brutally beating the man before throwing him from the room, having kept up her Vari training daily even when she was traded into slavery. Instead of being furious her mistress saw an opportunity and pulled Anara from the roster of the Ladies, instead having her be more of a bodyguard and apprentice mistress. Over time the Mistress became an almost motherly figure, the woman cheerful and kind outside of strict business dealings.

Her Mistress was the owner and operator of the main Brothel system in Meridian. With free reign Anara trained harder, working to master the bo staff and her people’s fighting styles from what she could remember. She often learned from people passing through the capital as well. With her reputation she became a draw to the brothel’s, the beautiful Vari with her long deep brown hair, bright eyes, and long legs. Men came to both challenge her to either a fight or a drinking game, as well as catch a glimpse of her. She had a smart mouth and a teasing smile, openly flirted with patrons, and ended up being an asset in both guarding the women and pulling others in.

This is how Anara first meets Erend. His brings his guard in for drinks and women, meeting the Vari as she stood outside of one of the finer Brothels. They became friendly fairly quickly, Erend’s easy going flirty nature a fun companion. Later through Erend Anara met Aloy, helping her through the trials and fighting Hades. (I honestly have a few drabbles about this time, and about Erend and Anara showing Varl to the Brothels for the first time).

Now, Hades defeated and the Forbidden West opening up with treaties with the blood thirsty Tenakth Anara’s mistress has sent her out into the unknown to see if there are business opportunities on the horizon. And of course, it is how she stumbles once more upon Aloy and her mission to save the world.

Anara’s general attitude is smart, snarky, and strong. Will shamelessly flirt but is useless when she actually likes someone genuinely. Is bad at feelings beyonf friendship honestly. Romance is easy, romantic feelings are not. Normally dons harem inspired clothing, smaller tops and loose bottoms. She is not specifically loyal to one specific style of clothing, so changes it up from time to time. She is pretty but because it was the reason her mistress even took her in, good genetics versus efforts. Her mistress did adopt her because she was looking for pretty girls for a brothel after all. Bright blue eyes, brown hair, smooth skin. Black band tattoos around each wrist show she was at one point a slave but she normally covers the marks with jewelry. Uses mostly a bo staff to fight, relies on speed and cunning during fights because she is not physically the strongest.

#Kotallo x OC #kotallo #horizon zero dawn #HZD #fanfic #erend #aloy #varl #zo #Alva #fanfiction #xreader #forbidden west

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genshinimpactlife · 1 year

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Hey there! I'd like to request a genshin match up since you said you were accepting them. I'd like it if the results were both sfw and nsfw.

So a little about me - I am a lil chaotic being. My top three astrology signs are all fire signs so we always joke with my friends that I'd probably be a pyro user :D! I have adhd so u naturally have a lot of interests: I draw and paint, write and read, dance (have been for the past 7-8 years now), love true crime and detective series!

As someone who has literally spent 12 years of their life on stage since childhood, I have a flare for the dramatics. I live and thrive when I'm on stage, though my dance partners usually can't keep up with me. Where I live I'm a pretty well known individual since me and my dance troupe have even appeared on tv multiple times now!

When it comes to my personality I'd say it's hard to describe it by myself. Usually I'm either the mom friend in the group or the absolute fucking brat causing chaos with my one last working braincell. I try to be there for my close friends and people I know. I can be quite loud cus I get excited when I talk. I always had a short fuse so if you are nice to me - I'll be nice back! But if you get me angry or step over my boundaries - the lioness comes out and it's not ideal 😂. A lot of people see me as confident but that always surprises me because I have quite a few insecurities about my looks and over all being as a person.

Fun fact - my current team consists of my main - childe - that had me so nervous I wouldn't get him that I almost threw up, raiden and bennet to help boost his crazy ass AND either xiao or zhongli based on the given enemies or task!

When it comes to my more naughty side - I'm a bit of a hoe. When it comes to my kink list, things can go out of hand. I'm a switch and with a good partner that excites me, I tend to be a sub. Bratty, challenging rope bunny that is sure to push every single button on my partner until I get what I want. Not very vocal! For sure my short but tested kink list includes breeding, praise, overstimulation, multiple rounds because of the high libido and very big need for aftercare!

I do hope this request will help you have a nice time writing and I can't wait for the results if you choose this one :D thank you so much and have a great day

- 👠 Anon

I would match you with...

I took a look at this request, and my immediate thought was Yoimiya.

Do you have any idea how chaos the two of you could get into with her endless supply of fireworks?

She loves to draw and paint with you, even if she's not that good.

She is your #1 supporter when it comes to your dancing. Always in the front row, throws parties with lots of fireworks when you win competitions or just for impressive performances.

She loves that you appear so confident and chaotic, but at the same time, she's very understanding and sensitive to any insecurities you may have

She loves your flare for dramatics, it always gets her excited and pumped, and she follows right behind you with it.

She loves how you can have fun and be chaotic but also be the mom friend when it's needed and help out your friends.

NSFW Below

I picture Yoimiya as a switch usually, but very versatile.

She would have no problem trying out all of your kinks with you.

She's not big on the stereotypical punishments for when you are a brat (Spanking, orgasm denial, etc)

Instead, she prefers to bring your kinks into it, such as overstimulating you until you're begging her to stop.

She took time to learn intricate Shibari designs to tie you up, the perfect way to tease you for being a brat.

Loves to use a strap on you, she gets such a rush from seeing your fucked out face from it

Lots and lots of sweet and loving aftercare. Praises, gentle touches, and lots of cuddles

New Anon!! Welcome <3 I'll add you to my list. I hope you enjoy <3

#-Rosesmatchups-#Genshin impact #Genshin impact imagine #Genshin impact matchup #Yoimiya #Yoimiya imagine #Yoimiya matchup

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luckjust · 2 years

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Exit the gungeon pc release date

We still get to use a vast array of ludicrous weapons while dodging what feels like hundreds of bullets at once trying to stay alive for as long as possible. This may seem like a radical change, but the gameplay is remarkably similar to what we'd expect from a Gungeon game. Since we move upward, Exit isn't a top-down twin-stick shooter anymore it's a twin-stick platformer viewed from the side. There are exceptions - there are some open areas between elevator rides - but generally, we have to make do on a small floating island while shooting up through a concrete tunnel and being a walking target. As such, movement and space are constricted to a small portion of the screen. Instead of sprawling levels, we stand on a few select platforms that move upward in an elevator shaft, while enemies constantly spawn around us. Where we used to explore randomly generated dungeons, collect rare weapons and items, and face off against bosses, we are working with more confined space and inventory. Both gameplay and level design have been tweaked, and the game has much more of an arcade vibe while still retaining many of its gameplay staples. It's as enjoyably nonsensical as ever, which should please fans and newcomers alike.Įxit isn't really a continuation. Almost everything is gun- or bullet-themed, from characters to objects to bosses. Expect much of the same characters, enemies, puns and art style that made Enter so charming. Fear not! There is an intricate elevator system to evacuate if we can shoot our way to the surface. Due to the events of the first game and an influx of people entering the Gungeon, things have become somewhat unstable to the point that the whole structure is collapsing. This isn't a true sequel in every respect, but Exit continues the style and story of the original. While we worked hard to enter and explore the Gungeon in search of a powerful ancient weapon last time, we now have to leave as quickly as possible. Since this title was designed with the mobile format in mind, it'll be curious to see how well the game holds up on traditional gaming systems and in comparison to the previous entry. Released exclusively for Apple Arcade last year, Exit the Gungeon is now available for the Nintendo Switch and PC. That's exactly what the aptly named Exit the Gungeon is all about. You should finish what you started, and once you enter the Gungeon, you have to eventually leave. It was only a matter of time until we'd see another game in the franchise. It's still one of my go-to titles to enjoy in small bursts. Mixing dungeon-crawling, bullet hell, and roguelite elements into a fun and challenging and engaging experience, Enter the Gungeon was probably one of the better indie games in recent memory.

#Exit the gungeon pc release date

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mainscost · 2 years

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Prodeus guy

Prodeus guy full#

Prodeus guy software#

But the minor limitations of classic shooters are far outweighed by both the sleek and simple gameplay as well as a number of modern techniques. So accurately it is that on occasion it is the game’s undoing. Prodeus is a love letter to FPS games of old. And would it surprise you to know that the first map you see on the Prodeus page is E1M1. Not only can you create single levels, but there are also people who have uploaded entire campaigns. But rest assured that the Prodeus community is hard at work making ever more challenging and interesting maps for you to download.

Prodeus guy full#

I don’t have the mental capacity to visualize anything beyond a straight tube full of demons. I didn’t even attempt to try making my own levels in the intricate custom map creator. But obviously the true objective is to hop around and shoot. The main objective is to find some kind of glowing object of which I don’t really know what they do. Prodeus has some fantastic places for you to explore, even if most are the usual red Mars color (even redder after you finish covering the walls with demons). Grand areas that range from complex but not confusing corridors to wide open arenas of which you fight off waves of foes. The level design in Prodeus is top notch. Why use dual SMGs with short magazines when you could use a minigun that never needs to be reloaded? Still, hardly an issue, since more options is always preferable to less, and the game is still in development. However, there are six different types of ammo, which guns share, making some of them redundant. While they aren’t all in the game yet, it looks like there will be 18 weapons total (well, 17 and unarmed), many which will have an alternate fire mode. Extremely chucky animations and reloads and sounds that hit all the right places in your gamer brain.

Prodeus guy software#

The guns in Prodeus are also designed with id Software style elegance. The gameplay loop is shooting demons, no more, no less. As a result, most secrets you find boil down to an extra healthpack or some ammo. There are no weapon or character upgrades, and no collectables to be found in the game. Unfortunately, this also comes with the caveats that DOOM gameplay has. Fast paced FPS action where health doesn’t regenerate and outrunning bullets is preferable to taking cover. And as you can guess, it’s also like classic DOOM. The gameplay for Prodeus is where it’s at. Just about every part of the kill-from the flash of a bullet leaving the gun all the way to the splat of it leaving a monster skull-looks incredible. Enemies explode into geysers of viscera and blood in a way that will never not be satisfying. Prodeus takes much of its inspiration from the Brutal DOOM mod, with over-the-top levels of carnage and gore. Thankfully, the enemies don’t stay enemies for long. But it would have been nice to see some more variety and creativity in the enemy designs. There is, as I’ve stated, no reason to reinvent the wheel. The areas all are limited to the same color palette, and even the enemies are all very visually similar to DOOM creatures. It captures the atmosphere of DOOM games perfectly. You’re seeing the trend here, right? Prodeus is set on a red planet with lots of industrial stuff that has been overtaken by demons. Taking the 2.5D graphics of the id Tech 1 engine to the absolute limit (not actually on id Tech 1, but clearly it’s meant to feel like it is), Prodeus is perhaps, visually, the zenith of retro DOOM style games, or at least, just up to the limit before it becomes another game entirely.Īs for style, very much like DOOM as well. It still has the same 2.5D graphical feel of classic DOOM games, but with pixel art that might very well surpass Metal Slugand Fire Emblem. The visuals and atmosphere of Prodeus are unbelievable. You are a soldier on a futuristic base on a Mars-like planet fighting demons from another dimension. Something about dimensions or whatever is briefly talked about in the beginning, but very obviously it is just the slightest justification to recreate a classic FPS in their own image. The story for Prodeus is who gives a shit. As many have stated, this game might very well be the true DOOM 3. Created by Mike Voeller and Jason Mojica, Prodeus is the collision of classic FPS gameplay with modern game design the perfect synthesis of DOOM 2 and DOOM 2016. Prodeus Early Access Review: More Like DOOM Than Even DOOMĪfter several years in production, Prodeus has finally entered Steam early access.

#Prodeus guy

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cathygeha · 2 years

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REVIEW

Kingdom of Spies by Bevan G. Roberts

Dark, deep, deadly, and thought provoking look at what being a spy might entail. I tend to avoid books with religion of any kind, but this story called to me for several reasons. That the location is in the Malay Archipelago near where an expat friend lives, that it involves spies and the goal they are pursuing for their country, wanting to see how Islam-political Islam-is portrayed in this book since I have lived in a few countries where Islam is the predominant religion, and I enjoy reading new-to-me authors that might be worth supporting and then reading again.

What I liked:

* The topic, writing, plot, location, and pacing

* Carter: Indonesia-Australian, intelligence officer, dedicated to his job, intriguing, charismatic, manipulative, weaver of intricate webs, and human – would love to read more about him and wonder if this is a one-and-done- or the introduction to a series

* Ana: journalist, has history that pushes her to prove herself, willing to do what it takes to get the story, grows a lot in the story, would like to see more of her in the future

* The look into intelligence work and thinking about what it must require

* Seeing Carter with the men he works with…not always easy to read, though

* That the story made me think and care and feel I was there

* Feeling the emotions along with the characters, good and evil, as they experienced various situations

* Realizing, again, that government employees work for the interests of their own country and that doesn’t always mean they are there for the citizens in countries they work in.

* The real feel of the story

* That it was dark and grim, but that torture and death were not graphically shared with the reader but instead left to the imagination…mostly

* The twists and turns

* Wondering how close the backstop team for spies is and how able they are to assist when their personnel or assets are threatened

* That I could relate to so much in the story

* Being glad that I live my life but can escape into books to experience the lives of others

* All of it really except…

What I didn’t like:

* Who and what I was meant not to like

* Knowing that this book is all too real in more than one country in the world

Did I enjoy this book? Yes

Would I read more by this author? Yes

Thank you to NetGalley and Aussie Spooks Press for the ARC – This is my honest review.

5 Stars

BLURB

‘Few novels engage convincingly with the grit and grime of intelligence work in Asia. This one does, and it’s a real page turner. Why? Because it pulls you into a secret world to grapple with issues few comprehend, like what happens when a spy’s professional conviction exceeds their designated role – and all hell breaks loose.’

—WARREN REED, MI6-trained former Australian Secret Intelligence Service officer with ten years active service across Asia and the Middle East Spies, lies and retribution amongst the cramped alleys, jungle hinterlands and simmering sectarianism of remote Indonesia. An ambush on Australian intelligence officer Jordan Carter signals a warning: Operation ANVIL, the Indonesian-Australian campaign of subversion against the Islamists of North Maluku, has failed. As the intelligence services point the finger of blame, Carter ruthlessly hunts down a new enemy. His recklessness draws the attention of Ana Kovacevic, the journalist who has revealed the spiralling violence to the world. To confront a spy that will stop at nothing, she must venture into the heart of Indonesia’s extremist underworld, a labyrinth of deceit and violence where the most powerful weapon, and the greatest sacrifice, will be truth. ‘A novel of labyrinthian morality … packed with intrigue, spectacular action, and the hard decisions intelligence agents face when the country they’re sworn to protect chooses saving face over saving lives.’ —MATT CRICCHIO, author of Security Day ‘Collars readers and pulls them into the neglected byways of Southeast Asia’s War on Terror, never letting go until the final page. Roberts’ unrivalled sense of place makes the streets of Indonesia’s cities and villages come to vibrant life, and his grasp of the geopolitics involved in the struggle to manage Australia’s near abroad suffuses his storytelling with intricate, easily understandable detail.’ —STEPHEN ENGLAND, author of the bestselling Shadow Warriors series "[Roberts’] descriptions of tradecraft and diplomatic interactions between two countries fighting a common enemy show the author’s experience and deliver an extra measure of authenticity to his writing and leave the reader wanting more." —JAMES STEJSKAL, former CIA Case Officer & Special Forces Soldier, Author of The Snake Eater Chronicles

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Bevan Geoffrey Roberts grew up in Canberra, Australia surrounded by technology, the military, and government. During a career in and around the departments of defence and foreign affairs, Bevan worked for a time at the Australian embassy in Indonesia, an experience that opened his eyes to Asia and inspired his first novel, Kingdom of Spies.

Bevan lives in Brisbane, Australia, with his wife and two amazing boys.

Visit www.bevangroberts.com.au

Twitter: https://twitter.com/BevanGRoberts

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bevan.roberts.7359

#Bevan G. Roberts #NetGalley #Aussie Spooks Press #Malaysia #Spies #Australian Intelligence Thriller #Espionage #Fiction

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hunxi-after-hours · 2 years

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hunxi’s danmei awards, 牛年/2021 edition

(should’ve made this at the end of last year or something but I was only recently possessed by the demonic urge to make something silly like this so we’re doing this now)

I recently realized that I’ve now consumed roundabout 10 danmei novels in either novel, donghua, and/or audiodrama form during this past year of the ox, so I wanted to commemorate this milestone with some longform shitposting. thus — awards night!

Here are some of the categories:

Best Worldbuilding

Best Relationship Development

Most Iconic Use of Punctuation

Most Iconic Takedown (verbal)

Most Iconic Takedown (physical)

Best Unreliable Narrator

Best Performance by Voice Actors in an Audiodrama

...and more!

yeah okay, so I got a bit carried away

And here are the candidates in the running:

《天官赐福》 Tian Guan Ci Fu by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

《千秋》 Qian Qiu by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi

《七爷》 Qi Ye by priest

《天涯客》 Tian Ya Ke by priest

《人渣反派自救系统》 Ren Zha Fan Pai Zi Jiu Xi Tong by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

《双杀》 Shuang Sha by 娜可露露 Na Ke Lu Lu

《烈火浇愁》 Lie Huo Jiao Chou by priest

《黄金台》 Huang Jin Tai by 苍梧宾白 Cang Wu Bin Bai

《判官》 Pan Guan by 木苏里 Mu Su Li

《哏儿》 Gen’er by 南北逐风 Nan Bei Zhu Feng

of course, obligatory disclaimer that these are nothing more than my opinions, these designations mean nothing, and I really abandoned all brain cells at the door in the writing of this post

Best Worldbuilding

Winner: 《判官》 Pan Guan by 木苏里 Mu Su Li

Everyone has something that they can’t let go of, and in the world of 《判官》 Pan Guan, sometimes those unresolved regrets, unfulfilled wishes become 笼 / “cages”—subconscious traps where a soul can wander forever, caught in the vortex of their own grief and rage. The 判官, then, are those dedicated to unlocking these cages and releasing the souls imprisoned inside. Travelling into these subconscious dreamscapes, the 判官 must unravel mysteries and uncover the truths, bearing witness to the grief, rage, regret, and love that define human lives.

This novel has, hands down, one of the coolest premises I’ve ever read, and Mu Su Li utilizes it to explore the emotional struggles of frustration and denial as well as the catharsis of learning to let things go. Each cage is an intricate puzzle box of clues left by the cage host’s subconscious, such that the novel reads like a blend of detective case fiction and horror (these dreamscapes can get pretty gnarly). Lest you think this book is all dark and gloomy hours, however, 《判官》 Pan Guan ALSO features the best use of WeChat in a novel I’ve ever seen (that’s RIGHT, this is MODERN FANTASY, never forget Wen Shi vs. the roomba). The entire Zhang family chat... iconic.

Best Characterization

Winner: 《千秋》 Qian Qiu by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi

Anyone who’s been on my blog for the past year has probably seen me losing my mind over Meng Xishi’s 《千秋》 Qian Qiu, and for good reason—here is enemies to lovers like you’ve never seen it done. Over the course of 128(+) chapters, 《千秋》 Qian Qiu slowly, carefully, painstakingly develops the relationship between Shen Qiao (compassionate, sheltered, forgiving, kind) and Yan Wushi (brutal, mercurial, arrogant, cynical) as their paths continually intertwine amidst rising turmoil in the jianghu. Meng Xishi sets up two characters fundamentally opposed to each other in belief and refuses to pull any punches or take any shortcuts as these two negotiate jianghu politics, shadowy conspiracies, and their own character arcs to eventually come to stand by each other’s sides. These two literally don’t get together until the fanwai, which is how hard Meng Xishi makes them work for it.

What I particularly appreciated about the characterization in 《千秋》 Qian Qiu was that this novel isn’t about how true love can redeem even the worst of villains, or that naive idealism will forever be doomed to a tragic end. Shen Qiao is often forced to concede that Yan Wushi has a point, just as Yan Wushi is often faced with the error of his assumptions. Neither of them is wholly right, just as neither of them is wholly wrong, and the development of their dynamic/relationship is the constant negotiation of how they balance their unswerving personal beliefs with everything the world throws at them—including each other.

Best Relationship Development

Winner: 《双杀》 Shuang Sha by 娜可露露 Na Ke Lu Lu

Look, I wasn’t planning on getting into an audiodrama about competitive video gaming either, and yet 《双杀》 Shuang Sha came out of nowhere and double-killed me with its deft, nuanced development of its main characters and their relationship. The narrative follows 19-year-old Feng Can—talented, feisty, and headstrong—in his first year with the pro gaming team SP. As Feng Can struggles to adjust to a starkly different playing style and his new teammates, he continually butts heads with the team captain, Cheng Sunian. Where Feng Can is impulsive and hot-headed, Cheng Sunian is steady and serious, and at the age of twenty-six, Cheng Sunian is all too aware that he is nearing the end of his gaming career. As the competition heats up and the world championships draw closer, the two of them must learn to navigate both the game and their feelings for each other if they want to win.

While I could write loads about Feng Can’s character development as he grows and matures as a person (he is, after all, nineteen, a fact both that Na Ke Lu Lu and Cheng Sunian pay careful attention to), my heart really belongs to Cheng Sunian, an ace icon for the ages. Just as Feng Can learns what it means to take responsibility for his own actions, Cheng Sunian also comes learn that he doesn’t have to be an island alone, that he doesn’t always have to be independent and self-sufficient. Throughout the narrative, the two of them clash and argue, hurt each other and forgive each other; together, they stumble, and together, they eventually stand.

Really, my heart is at all times overflowing with my love for extremely competent, coolly sensible, deadpan snarker Cheng Sunian, so perhaps I’ll just leave it with this iconic exchange:

封灿：但我真的喜欢你，我想把坏毛病改掉，变得好点再去找你。我这么想没错吧？

Feng Can: But I truly like you—I want to change my bad habits, to come find you again when I’ve become better. Am I wrong to think that?

程肃年：所以这就是你一直不来找我的原因？你想 ‘变好了’再来？但如果短期内变不好了呢？你打算让我等几年？

Cheng Sunian: So this is the reason why you never came to talk to me? You wanted to “become better” and then come back? Then what if you couldn’t change so quickly? How long were you going to make me wait?

封灿：我会努力的，你应该喜欢那种懂分寸，情商高的成熟男人，对吧？

Feng Can: I’ll work hard—you must like men who understand propriety and restraint, who are mature and emotionally intelligent, right?

程肃年：那我为什么不直接去找这种类型的人谈恋爱？或者干脆照镜子，自己和自己谈算了？

Cheng Sunian: Then why don’t I just find those people and date them? Or just find a mirror and date myself?

封灿：啊？

Feng Can: Ah?

程肃年：行了，你也别瞎想了。算我什么都没说。真是恋爱降智。

Cheng Sunian: All right, don’t agonize over it further. Pretend I didn’t say anything. Truly, love makes people stupid.

封灿：我想的不对吗？那你究竟是什么意思？想让我怎么做，你直接说不行吗？非得给我绕弯子，我猜不出你的想法，你到底想—

Feng Can: Were my conclusions not right? What do you mean? Can’t you just directly tell me what you want me to do? You always beat around the bush, I can’t guess what you’re thinking, what exactly are you—

程肃年：我想让你闭嘴。

Cheng Sunian: I want you to shut up.

[he kisses Feng Can]

GET ‘EM, 队长—

Most Extravagant Act of Devotion

Winner: 《黄金台》 Huang Jin Tai by 苍梧宾白 Cang Wu Bin Bai

Danmei is full of characters doing outrageous things for love, from carving giant stone statues that can double as mechas in boss battles to waiting 13/800/3000 etc years for one’s loved one to come back from the war/death/vagaries of worldbuilding, but somehow one (1) general from an ambiguously historical, non-fantastic danmei managed to beat out all of them for me:

Fu Shen and Yan Xiaohan are Cruelly Separated From Each Other for plot reasons, miles of battle lines and enemy-occupied territory filling the vast distance between them, but let it not be said that a certain general lacked for batshit insane ideas as well as the willingness to follow through on them. Taking inspiration from literature, bullying his subordinates, and yearning desperately for his husband, Fu Shen shoots down several dozen swan-geese, nurses them back to health (or rather, gets his long-suffering field medic to do so for him), and ties letters to their legs with the vague hope that one might make its way southwards to Yan Xiaohan. And when Yan Xiaohan somehow, miraculously, does find one, there are only four words on it, ink-smeared and barely legible: 吾妻安好？

Seriously, Fu Shen, you couldn’t even have been bothered to sign it with your name???

Best Interrogation of Themes (aka the “Rent-Free Award”)

Winner: 《七爷》 Qi Ye by priest

It is nigh-impossible to declare that any one of these titles has “better” “thematic” “content” than any of the others, especially because I can and will go off about characters, characterization, and character dynamics for days, but the novel whose philosophical ramifications have haunted me the longest is definitely 《七爷》 Qi Ye by priest. Part reincarnation novel, part time-travel do-over, part political intrigue, part interrogation of destiny and what it means to defy it, 《七爷》 Qi Ye packs a lot of thorny themes and complicated relationships into a deceptively short novel.

I’ve gone off about 《七爷》 Qi Ye‘s thematic complexity in other posts so I’m not going to rehash them now, but really—the questions this book deals with about power and morality, about legacy and responsibility, and the lengths a person would go to in order to see something done are still living, as they say, rent-free in my head.

Best Banter

Winner: Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu in 《天涯客》 Tian Ya Ke by priest

These two I stg. Moving on—

Honorable Mention: 《哏儿》 Gen’er, because… because. I mean, it’s 相声 xiangsheng, banter is like, the literal essence of xiangsheng

Most Iconic Use of Punctuation

Winner: 《天官赐福》 Tian Guan Ci Fu by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Really, nothing is ever going to top this scene in book 5:

慕情[...]沉默片刻，道：“殿下，你真的很喜欢他吗？”

“[…]after a moment of silence, Mu Qing said: ‘Dianxia, do you really like him?’

谢怜没料到他会突然这么问，道：“啊。啊？... ...啊。”

Xie Lian would never have guessed that he would suddenly ask this question. “Ah,” he said. “Ah? ... ...ah.”

Honorable Mention: 《千秋》 Qian Qiu, for the sheer number of “沈峤: ...” / “Shen Qiao: ...” in this novel but particular shout-out to the one in That Scene. You know the one. LSP NI SHEI A—

Most Iconic Line

Winner: 《天涯客》 Tian Ya Ke by priest

I believe so strongly in the superiority of the 凉雨知秋 line that I translated and subtitled the audiodrama season 1 trailer for the sole purpose of yelling about the choral rendition of it:

凉雨知秋，青梧老死。一宿苦寒欺薄衾，几番世道蹉跎...也不过一声“相见恨晚。”

When cold rain falls, autumn makes itself known; the wutong tree ages and dies. Thin robes offer no protection from a night of bitter winter, years and lives wasting, whiling away… nothing more than this: resentment, that we met so late.

Chills, every time.

Honorable Mention: 《千秋》 Qian Qiu, for the truly lovely line 苍生有难，山河同悲。草木有灵，天地不朽。 / “When the living things suffer, the mountains and rivers also sorrow. Grass and tree possess spirit; heaven and earth remain uncorrupted.“

Most Iconic Takedown (verbal)

Winner: Shen Qiao in 《千秋》 Qian Qiu by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi

I’ve literally made a top five list of Shen Qiao’s best takedowns before, but I have magnanimously decided against letting him sweep these awards. That being said, Shen Qiao’s very public, very messy martial brother break-up in a crowded teashop where he verbally drags Yu Ai before the entire jianghu remains one of my favorite scenes of all time, to the point where I literally added 23 extra pages to the SHJX survival guide for the sole purpose of translating this iconic scene. Get ‘em, a-Qiao, I’ll hold your flower.

Honorable Mentions: Wen Shi in 《判官》 Pan Guan, for the line “意外在哪？做事全靠躲的懦夫，也就只能当当影子。” / “What’s unexpected about this? A coward who relies on hiding to do anything could only be a shadow.” Rest in absolute fucking pieces a-Jun

Xie Shuangchen and Ye Ling 《哏儿》 Gen'er — given that this is a novel about 相声 xiangsheng / “cross-talk,” a form of traditional Chinese comedy that functions on wit, wordplay, and mutual roasting, not an episode of the audiodrama goes by without some truly sick burns

Most Iconic Takedown (physical)

Winner: Xie Lian from 《天官赐福》 Tian Guan Ci Fu by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

I honestly could not tell you if I am giving TGCF this award for the giant mecha fight that takes up a solid amount of book five or for the vindictive rush of satisfaction from seeing Xie Lian, powers finally unlocked, pummeling Jun Wu into the ground, but it wins, Xie Lian wins, TGCF absolutely wins this award.

Honorable Mentions: 《判官》 Pan Guan, for battle couple chenshi destroying a certain useless ancestor and looking fabulous while doing so (shout-out to Wen Shi’s many, many three point landings)

《千秋》 Qian Qiu, for the September Ninth ambush 😉

Best Babie

Winner: Xia Qiao from 《判官》 Pan Guan by 木苏里 Mu Su Li

We all know this secondary character—the sweet, summer child who gets accidentally or forcibly adopted by the main characters, often a force of Pure Goodness to be Protected At All Costs, even if they can take care of themselves. (Especially if they can take care of themselves.)

Xia Qiao from 《判官》 Pan Guan beat out some fierce competition for the title of Best Babie, but I could give this award to no other because he really is one of the most hapless characters I’ve ever met in fiction. What a precious child. What a darling disaster. We award this title to him in honor of the many times he dutifully followed his Wen-ge into various horror movie situations despite the fact that he is the biggest scaredy-cat in the entire book.

Honorable Mention: Zhang Chengling in 《天涯客》 Tian Ya Ke, because he too is a hapless sweet summer child who would lose a fight against a chicken

Best Beleaguered Side Character Award

Winner: Xiao Zheng from 《烈火浇愁》 Lie Huo Jiao Chou by Priest

We all know this character, too—equally as hapless as the babie, but for reasons of the plot conspiring against them rather than relative inexperience or personality. This character is in all likelihood actually quite competent, but because they lack the Protagonist Halo (TM), they are often relegated to picking up after the maelstrom of the main characters—cleaning up their messes, filing their paperwork, providing crucial information for the next plot arc, etc etc. In any other book, they might even be the protagonist. Unfortunately, they live in this one.

I’m giving this award to Xiao Zheng for his hair travails alone. (blows kiss) this one’s for you, Xiao-baba

Honorable Mention: the Zhang siblings from 《判官》 Pan Guan because they really set records for accidental cringe when they unintentionally Zhangsplained to the literal founders of their magical practice

Most Competent Side Character Award

Winner: Bian Yanmei from 《千秋》 Qian Qiu by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi

Did I make up this award solely to give it to Bian Yanmei, one of my favorite characters in existence? Yes, yes I did. I would trust the man with a budget and a spreadsheet, which is quite possibly the highest praise I could give a fictional character.

An incomplete list of Bian Yanmei’s accomplishments:

ran a sect for ten years while his shizun fucked off into seclusion

continued running it after his shizun returned, because Yan Wushi was up to a lot of things but uhhh taking care of budgets and logistics were not part of them

functionally raised and trained his younger shidi

became a mover and shaker in Chang’an politics

befriended all the noble families to the point where their children call him “Uncle Bian”

deduced his way through his shizun’s bullshit in record time when he first met Shen Qiao

helped organize a political coup

was adapted out of the donghua for being the only brain cell in the jianghu

Best Antagonist

Winner: Dan Li from 《烈火浇愁》 Lie Huo Jiao Chou

Dan Li is, easily, one of the coolest characters I’ve seen in a novel. Ruthless, calculating, cryptic, opaque, he is both teacher and opponent, strategist and enemy, murderer and protector, demonic and divine. He taught Sheng Lingyuan everything he knew, which, if you’ve met Sheng Lingyuan...well.

Though Dan Li has been dead for literal millennia by the beginning of the book, his actions, legacy, and stratagems linger throughout the narrative, playing out a centuries-spanning game of strike and counterstrike, move and countermove long after his death. The fact that no one has seen him without his mask is just icing on his cake of general mystery.

Best Unreliable Narrator

Winner: Shen Qingqiu from 《人渣反派自救系统》 Ren Zha Fan Pai Zi Jiu Xi Tong by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Could it have been anyone else? Was there any doubt in your mind that this award could go to any other character? Yeah, I thought so; no other character comes remotely close to the level of Shen “I hate this novel with every fiber of my being” Qingqiu, Shen “I’m not being nice, I’m acting in my own self-interest” Qingqiu, Shen “isn’t everyone a little gay for Luo Binghe” Qingqiu.

Honorable Mention: Xie Lian in 《天官赐福》 Tian Guan Ci Fu for neglecting to mention that Qi Rong was his cousin for fifty-some chapters which will never not be funny to me

Best Clown

Winner: Shen Qingqiu from 《人渣反派自救系统》 Ren Zha Fan Pai Zi Jiu Xi Tong by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Gaze deeply into your soul and ask yourself if it could have been anyone else. If your soul tells you otherwise, I don’t want to hear it. I will not be taking criticism at this time.

Honorable Mentions: Yu Shengyan from 《千秋》 Qian Qiu for... too many moments to count. Looking at an amnesiac Shen Qiao and going "it’s free shidi” and thereby accidentally tricking himself into feeling responsible for Shen Qiao. Showing up eighty chapters late to a sword conference still calling Shen Qiao “shidi” after the man has beaten up half the jianghu. Losing a bet with a housekeeper despite having inside information. RIP Yu Shengyan, if Shen Qingqiu weren’t a god-tier clown, this title would have been yours

Xie Shuangchen in 《哏儿》 Gen'er — have you ever faked amnesia after a head injury to try and get your beloved xiangsheng partner to admit that he likes you, only to have said beloved xiangsheng partner see through your bullshit and con you right back, which you fall for and end up chasing him through the hospital begging him to come back to you? You could make a drinking game out of the number of times Xie Shuangchen wails “叶老师，我错了—” / “Ye-laoshi, I was wrong—” in this audiodrama

Best Personal Weapon

Winner: E’Ming from 《天官赐福》 Tian Guan Ci Fu by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

I will hear Absolutely Nothing against this precious cursed scimitar who just wants cuddles. Nothing. E’Ming is the best and deserves All the Cuddles, All the Time. Jail for Hua Cheng for a thousand years.

Honorable Mention: the 山河同悲剑 Shanhetongbei sword from 《千秋》 Qian Qiu, for having a stupidly beautiful name. See also: Most Iconic Line, Honorable Mention

Dishonorable Mention: 《烈火浇愁》 Lie Huo Jiao Chou is disqualified from this award for Reasons. It knows what it did.

Best Moment That Wrecked Me (aka the Knifiest Award)

Winner: chapter 121 from 《烈火浇愁》 Lie Huo Jiao Chou by Priest

Over the course of these books, I’ve seen desperate yearning. I’ve seen centuries of pining. I’ve seen betrayals and destructions, disappointment and despair, resurrections and redemptions. But only one novel has had the absolute goddamn gall to drive half of its central pairing to his knees, begging, in tears, promising to let the other go if that’s what he wants, just give him a goddamn second—

盛灵渊后知后觉地想：“我伤了他的心么?”

Sheng Lingyuan thought, belatedly, “Have I broken his heart?”

Bixia, we get it, you’re the most metal of them all, but was that strictly necessary.

Honorable Mentions: chapter 106 of 《判官》 Pan Guan. It knows what it did.

chapter 79 of 《千秋》 Qian Qiu. It knows exactly what it did.

Best Performance by Voice Actors in an Audiodrama

Winner: 《哏儿》 Gen’er by 南北逐风 Nan Bei Zhu Feng

This audiodrama. This audiodrama. I realized halfway through writing this overlong shitpost that I actually haven’t consumed 《哏儿》 Gen’er in its entirety, but I felt the need to yell about how insanely good this audiodrama is. 《哏儿》 Gen’er follows two lovers and performers of 相声 xiangsheng / “cross talk,” a traditional Chinese form of comedy that blends improvisation and classic scripts, as they work to establish their own xiangsheng studio and carry on the legacy of Xie Shuangchen’s shifu and adoptive father.

What makes the voice actor performances in this audiodrama absolutely bonkers is that xiangsheng is an art that performers train for years, entire lifetimes, not unlike Beijing opera performers or professional stage actors. While voice actors are very good at what they do, this is a whole other level. I’m not saying that Zhao Qianjing and Xie Tiantian are good enough to be xiangsheng performers, but like, 他们还真有一点那味儿你知道么，太神了. The technical brilliance demanded by these roles, including but not limited to talking a mile a minute, is utterly insane, and I can’t wait for the three whole 完结FT’s (post-production interviews) this audiodrama promises.

Best Post-Production in an Audiodrama

Winners: 《千秋》 Qian Qiu by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi (post-production by 声罗万象 Shengluo Wanxiang Studio)

and

《双杀》 Shuang Sha by 娜可露露 Na Ke Lu Lu (post-production by 祝余 Zhu Yu)

I think it is a demonstration of my restraint that I haven’t been giving out ties left and right throughout this entire overlong shitpost, but for this award I really have no other choice. Post-production sound editing is tremendously important in audiodramas, not the least for general atmosphere, but also for narrative clarity. As a result, the audiodramas for 《千秋》 Qian Qiu and 《双杀》 Shuang Sha stand out for their brilliant execution.

As a wuxia novel, the action and narrative of 《千秋》 Qian Qiu are often advanced by fight scenes, which Meng Xishi describes in loving, lavish detail throughout the novel. The miracle of the audiodrama, then, is that these fight scenes remain fundamentally intelligible despite the fact that we can’t see them. With a deft combination of voice acting, sound effects, Foley, voice-over, soundtrack music, and bystander commentary, the listener can follow the progress and turning points of individual fight scenes without much difficulty at all, which is super heckin badass when you think about it.

Similarly, 《双杀》 Shuang Sha features multiple video game competitions that occupy a similar narrative function to fight scenes in a wuxia novel—they are intense, fast-paced, and filled with complex technical components that illustrate and advance character development. 音熊联盟 VoiceBear Alliance, the voice actor studio that produced this audiodrama, pulled from its wider cast roster to record unique lines for every single playable video game character that came up in the novel at varying degrees of health. Correspondingly, during matches, the canned voice-overs of player characters telegraph the progress of the competitions that audiodrama listeners cannot visually witness. And an additional shout-out to voice actors 刘强 Liu Qiang and 龟娘 Gui Niang is in order for absolutely killing it as the commentators. Commentating is a particular skill (in the post-production interview, they mentioned that multiple voice actors had to beg off Liu Qiang’s role), and these two were critical to appreciating, comprehending, and following the action of these scenes.

Voice Actor with the Most Insane Range

Winner: 吴磊 Wu Lei of Listen领声 Studio for his roles in the 《千秋》 Qian Qiu audiodrama, the 《穿越自救指南》 (the SVSSS donghua), and the 《判官》 Pan Guan audiodrama

All right, we all know I have a voice actor problem, but really, listen to Wu “maomao-laoshi” Lei in a few productions and you’ll understand why. A single person who can voice characters as disparate as Yan Wushi (which includes, by definition, Xie Ling and a-Yan as well), Shen Qingqiu, and Chen Budao/Xie Wen deserves to be feared and adored.

And never! Forget! the Da! Ah! Jian!

Honorable Mentions: 姜广涛 Jiang Guangtao (aka 姜sir), for the sheer range of bumbling fool 伊依 Yi Yi in the 《诗云》 Shi Yun audiodrama to murderous warrior emperor 盛灵渊 Sheng Lingyuan in the 《烈火浇愁》 Lie Hou Jiao Chou donghua

赵乾景 Zhao Qianjing, for playing both brusque tsundere Wen Shi in the 《判官》 Pan Guan audiodrama and mischievous motormouth Xie Shuangchen in the 《哏儿》 Gen’er audiodrama

Okay that is QUITE enough nonsense from me tonight, if you’ve made it to the bottom of this post I heartily congratulate you. No one is allowed to send me corrections because I’ve decided that I am right, but everyone should feel free to let me know if there are any award categories I’ve overlooked in this—oh god—4k+ post

Here’s to a 2022 filled with more reading and discoveries, more disaster gays and fictional stabbery! 咱们再接再厉！

#ARE YOU READY FOR THESE TAGS #ok ok ok let's go #hunxi reads TGCF #千秋 backlog #hunxi thinks about qq #seventh time lucky #zhou zishu comedy hours #hunxi thinks about svsss #voice(bear) appreciation hours #spine chickens and war crimes #if I were really clever I would schedule this post to coincide with 春节 #but I have always been yours in calendrical heresy #if I do this next year I promise I'll divvy this up into multiple posts oh my god

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sugar-petals · 3 years

Text

german national team intro masterpost

since these utter buffoons officially qualified for the world cup (let’s do this ⚽️) it’s about time i rec you our football dudes, here are some key clowns i mean essential players to watch for 🇩🇪👋

first, have one of our hot weirdos with his puppy to bait you

if that interests you maybe nice thighs and arms will as well

that being said we’re good to go

so who are these shapely men in black then

the german football team 2021 — coached by our nation’s tiny football dad hansi flick

can you spot him, hint hint... he’s surrounded by a bunch of drama divos

⬇️

hansi is very important as he recently joined for a new era, not just because’s he’s walking all these attractive models around to drop our jaws but um i mean

anyway i digress, more about father hansi in a minute.

for overview purposes have a cheesy overedited pic of everyone who is currently kicking the ball around for us, not 100% up to date (edit: some changes for 2022 apply) but you get a good idea

(”kader” translates to “our squad” basically)

but to us they are family, football is a big ole deal in germany

we all lose our marbles over the games (picture: pre-covid public viewing) and i’m about to explain you why our sexy football husbands are kicking up such a storm

welcome to our world. send in the clowns

now you have to understand there’s no such thing as rational german composure you’ve been lied to

our chancellor & president are always the most feral people in the stadium VIP lounge and intricately color-coordinated with the team and/or flag. everyone else (except maybe italy) is just watching football. we are living it

even the introverts show up when the whistle goes, we’ve had retiring strikers do goal somersaults oh my god things can get 11,000% lit

as of now our 2021 men have the right skills the right lewks the rainbow agenda and finally the right coach to turn the party back up again after the drought

so it’s an honor my comrades let’s get cooking

traditionally we play in black (away games) and white kits (home games) with four stars on the tiddies, and a surprisingly decent grey or blue for training — sweater paws included so everyone looks very cute and lovely

i especially love the crisp white design, look at these handsome lawn runway stars

our guys are very hard to miss they’re so notoriously dashing ugh the prettiness of them

our ginormous captain has to wear much-commented-on shades of neon since he’s the goal keeper and we want to bamboozle the eyes of our enemies with the colors of the rainbow but the same goes for him

... four stars since we won the world cup in 1954, 1974, 1990 and 2014

(translation if you have no clue about football history: we’re quite decently competent, the team can always be reckoned with, only brazil has one more star and we famously beat them 7:1 at their own world cup)

2014 was the last wc win with our golden generation and 90% of our favorite but slightly embarrassing granddads retired since

nowadays our mischievous pretty boys are 25 on average and we’re in the advanced construction phase to prep for the world cup next year which means we are cuter, sassier, more frustrated, and the eyebrows are immaculate

in germany our dear eyebrow team is called “Deutsche Nationalmannschaft” (oof) as an official tongue twister but in english we gladly say germany nt for short and that’s the tumblr tag you find the fandom in

...where we provide you with spiritually fulfilling content like this

it’s not an astronomically large fandom but there are blogs that update super often bc so much stuff (= our captain’s antics) can be talked about, during big tournaments this horny mob suddenly explodes, germany nt twitter is also alive and memeing. it’s no surprise, our drama club regularly delivers viral pictures that look like a rennaissance painting

lmao perfect

and ps: don’t worry about any lengthy german names etc — most of our national circus clowns have a short nickname it’s tradition, and a lot of their social media also have an international version or insta english captions, and the football fandom also posts in english

so why don’t we check them out with some short intro trash talk bits

what better way to get to know them than some gossip, we got that judge fest energy

i can’t cover all of them so we’re going with 11 crucial clowns i know a thing or two about, who i can both praise and slander with confidence, followed by honorable mentions, plus of course model scout hansi

INTRODUCING THE SQUAD

basics first, the only normal person in there: our highly anticipated team miracle manager and already former co-coach hans flick (56), stoic but touchy football father who should have gotten this job like. years ago cuz the buffoonery escalated at the last tournaments. you missed nothing, i guarantee this thread found you at the right time. hansi hands out hugs and quality head pats for all the bottoms so i truly respect him, since he signed up we did nothing but win which hasn’t happened in 84 years so bless the man. specializes in comforting babies, of course he’s a pisces, kinda incognito as 50% of our players are like 7′5+ glam towers but he looks like the suffering meme guy in younger so that’s how you know it’s hansi

lgbt stands for love goalkeepers because tall: veteran human wall and nature hiking hoe manuel neuer (35), our rainbow team leader, has both nerves and green-clad booty buns of steel, living legend in germany, everybody stans him he’s famous famous, get ready for his ‘alternative’ aka straight up reckless methods despite pushing 40, this mf is anywhere but standing in his goal, most untrustworthy maniac i know but he walks with his chest pushed out plus he ruins christiano ronaldo’s penalties so he’s allowed 💚, can throw the ball as wide as he wants and where he wants, brilliant & bonkers in equal measures, aggressive ballerino playboy, we always wanna brag that we play fair but when manu clobbers another winger with his flying stunts we revoke our statement, he’s every striker’s worst nightmare, saves our ass 98% of the time but at what cost, dangerous bombshell blonde and thoroughly insane with cringy college humor, you’ve been warned, most objectified man in german history, he rolls with it and makes us sweat even more because he’s so cocky, all of football tumblr talks about how he layers and customizes his clothing because he’s so buff, our entire nation would risk it all to protect the holy fists and arms, dude can play in every position he’s nuts, our number one since years, but his name ironically translates to “neuer = the new one” in german so we always make puns with that, causes memes and a stir everywhere

(...he’s ridiculous i hate him)

head corner kick clown in charge with the mouth catching flies: wild & tiny midfield einstein joshua kimmich (26) who wouldn’t stop yelling even if the pope god and the queen were present, when manu isn’t playing he’s the captain, kimmy boy is a high IQ twink that’s why, collects all the guys you crush on with his mustache so prepare, gives 300% bc why not, piercing eyes with small pupils, great ass great hair great legs great everything, has an extremely perfect face, this brat is hot shit, and holy moly work ethic, a breakup is peanuts compared to seeing kimmich weep for minutes about getting an injury or losing a tournament, he’s irreplaceable, “last time kimmich lost a ball? when he gave it to his son when they played in the garden”, josi believe it or not is a father of two yet he’s the one looking like a kid, reliable and out of his mind at the same time how does he do it, collapses if he doesn’t get extremely tight embraces from everybody, zesty life of the party, very expressive and whiny whirlwind to say the least, if you don’t know how to spot jo just look for the firecracker i mean look at him are his lungs ok, shakespeare has nothing on kimmich

and those pupils... ⬇️⬇️ holy mother of manuel neuer look at that

ok enough about the unhinged blondies, here comes the distinguished chill dude with the stirring pot goal celebration: our even tinier sweetheart serge gnabry (26) who goes by sergio when he feels like it, if i remember it correctly his aunt lovingly calls him that (awe), doing some great stuff on the wings, we stan quality, he’s a class act, same with his outfits, very couture very polished, very poker face brand of cutting swabian humor (swabia + bavaria = the southern counties in germany), if you cross him there’s a scathing jab reserved just for you, defends all of his best friends like no other, the master chef has some sick burns waiting in his oven, other than that he’s introverted and does his own thing, he even has decent goalkeeping skills, yeah he’s that bitch honestly, and everyone hypes him, his fellow but much taller players always lift him up a little too enthusiastically when he scores a goal and serge almost dies every time because his massive butt i mean center of gravity tips him over, here we can see on-site footage of jo kimmich saving gnabry’s dear life

now tumblr’s favorite: terrifyingly buff and resident balding BDE man leon goretzka (26) who straight people lose it over like the world’s about to end, like how many spiralling stans does he have, they want a piece of him man they’re out for his curls, meanwhile leon’s good at his job i guess, extremely politically active too, has a signature frown which makes the hets sexualize his mysterious wrath, we get it you want to be topped just get out, generates conversation so you’ll never run out of content if you stan this dude, his whole personality consists of becoming more and more beefy but his redeeming quality is being diehard friends with the previously mentioned josi kimmich, these two lunatics make the football world go round, everybody talks about this duo, they donated 1 million for covid relief so that’s nice, in their free time they serve 20cm height difference cuteness and judge everyone together like the two aquarius trainwrecks they are, sometimes sergio joins, they just beam, but they also cause a lot of crackheadery, every minute leon gets even more ripped how does he do that

(^...he can’t be serious)

our human radio on two legs: good ole chatty southern man, 2014 world cup winner, another curly head, great large curls in fact, staple court jester, bs-dispelling troll and skinny legend thomas müller (32) who you’ll probably pronounce and write as muller and that’s ok, our team dearly needs this comedian and we dread his retirement since he’s from the golden gen, directs the midfield masterfully and off the field notoriously cracks every uncle joke you can think of, lmao nobody’s safe from his imitations and puns, once kimmich grows up he’s gonna be like thomas these two are so similar, if someone says germans aren’t funny direct them to this crazed bavarian card player crack, in any case he’s a must-know and underappreciated legend, his whole personality is all rustic, he likes horses, one of the few guys not dating some influencer but married since 2009, roasts the press as a hobby and trolls arrogant players, he’s a keeper, he’s the MVP, the meme machine, mü is the best. he’d so deserve the world cup next year i really hope we can make it happen

that one scary viking guy: broad meme irl niklas süle (26) who is our token immovable object and tattoo jock regularly leaving the defense to play as an attacker and he’s pretty good at it, constantly improves, he’s from frankfurt which is where germany grows our skyscrapers so of course he’s 6′5, fans have baptized him with the honorable nickname of sülinho so the commentators regularly mess up and announce him like that in formal settings lmao, well then if you like a rough around the edges cryptid nikki is your dude, he looks very collected and intimidating which is great because nobody dares to come close to our goal, this dude weighs 100 kilograms or 220lbs, you can spot this mountain easily he’s like taller like the rock just without the eyebrows

and now! cheekbones guy who scored THE champion’s league winning goal: hobby farmer and pianist kai havertz (22) who seems like he’s brooding existential questions all day but actually thinks about donkeys and dogs, chelsea paid a 100 (!!!!!) million to get this spaghetti frame, impossibly chill in front of the goal, has a notoriously cold neck & hands let me knit a scarf and gloves, very taut angular face so he gets called everything from emo habsburg heir to lizard prince, bisexuals + modelling agencies love kai so he’s approved, one arresting gen z masterpiece, unhappy without his blonde emotional support bff julian brandt who is currently not nominated for the nt so expect grumpy havertz, topples over often and struggles currently so i worry a lot, looks p harcore and plays the english way but his personality is cutesy without a single braincell, talks like he’s high 365, does this silly grin where his cheeks are like fish gills so i call him koi havertz, squints seductively to be the most f-able guy on the field, look at this expensive bitch it’s working

👇and that’s mr. julian (25), seated, also plays in the midfield, he’s angelic i love this dude. also ‘never two beautiful best friends’ is a hoax as we can clearly see, the hoodie sex appeal is pretty banging right here

more english-inspired style, our undercover goal jesus who could need a little hand from above every now and then please: resurrected chaos striker timo werner (25) whose streak of milennial pain and slander-laden misfortune always haunts him for months until one game where suddenly he explodes with skills and luck like ketchup from the bottle, understandably desperate and emotional man who you feel everything with, great at one-on-one with opponents but usually too fast to escape offside, that’s why his undercuts look so sleek, yeah that’s how you recognize him tbh he’s timo with the good hair, they see him rolling, they hating, at chelsea he’s playing with kai as forwards so you often see them hanging out flaunting their p(r)etty priviledge, in any case let’s hope for the best, you can see the pain in his eyes gee

his name is complicated and has a dutch ancestry flair to it: our second goalkeeper and guardian angel marc-andré ter stegen (29), we all call him just ter stegen and basically never marc-andré like ter is his first name it’s tradtion, anyway he’s top notch, usually has nothing to do in the national team since our manuel’s aggressive ballerino booty can fly in all directions and catches balls from space but marc is a given and a goalie god at fc barcelona, so stop hating on him he’s great, germany is the nation of goalkeepers with good reason and he is no exception. pretty normal and likable bloke so less clown mode to be expected — usually, nobody’s truly in their right mind in this ass parade, i think marc’s insanity manifests in the fact that he does his saves like superman so this guy is a bit ridiculous as well, in any case he’s an absolute luxury to have as our backup, i love ter stegen, he’s superb, did i mention that i love ter stegen?

dc has flash but we have: lightning fast wing tech deity leroy sané (25) who already has several kids at home and all the clubs fight for him, oh boy he’s truly in demand, can’t be blamed he’s our most beautiful player: looks-wise, playing-wise, recently bounced back from a nasty mental block with the help of hansi, does extraterrestrial things with his pretty feet, v pleasant to listen to his voice is so deep, signature laugh, always somewhere giggling and snuggling w/ manu and especially his bestie sergio, cutest bunch, sané sounds like whipped cream (��sahne”) in german so we say he’s “allererste sahne” meaning creme de la creme so that sums him up, leroy is trained by pep guardiola in england, bag of tricks kinda guy, very tongue in cheek/teasing but he’s also a slutty capricorn, truly a combination of opposites, a talent and sight to behold, he gets several pictures because he’s leroy and my crush

and last but not least, basically a child: nobody calls him jamal musiala (18) anymore because bambi is the best ever nickname for him, german football lore has it that it was leroy who invented it out of nowhere, the rest is history, bambi has the looks and playing style of a deer plus some remarkable talent but prepare to suffer if you stan him the child protection agenda has him sitting on the bench often as of yet, nevertheless he is our future and he’s really popular, we all baby him, his skills and sudden goals are truly shocking he’s born 2003 like what do we do with this toddler?! in any case everyone adores bambi and he is in — as we saw — crazy, but good hands so fingers crossed, you spot him by the way he pulls his brows up and looks v small despite being 6′0, don’t underestimate him he’s always ready to go off on that goal

- honorable mentions, including some golden gen players:

antonio rüdiger (28) - also from the chelsea squad, very tall, defends, used to play with a mask due to injury, toni nibbles at our opponents’ backs to catch them off guard i’m not joking

mats hummels (32) - tumblr famous to unhealthy degrees, it needs to stop, currently on break, caught between our golden gen and eyebrow twink era, gets called D**F a lot but we don’t use that weird word here, defends, king of own goals, nice black hair though

toni kroos (31) - retired this year which i’m sad about, skillful real madrid midfielder who looks a little exhausted, infamously no-nonsense in interviews, badass with his tats, 2014 world cup winner, i miss toni </3

robin gosens (27) - new on the scene, from zero to hero, made a good impression at the last euros, very honest soul, now injured, he looks like the younger brother of the guy next on this list

lukas podolski (36) - poldi, was a sunshine himbo before it was cool, legendary retired winger, luke is cute and funny and confused he’s a national treasure, proof that geminis can be adorable, golden retriever

bastian schweinsteiger (37) - retired captain and silverback, basti is now pundit, made a huge impact back in the day, best friends ever with poldi they made legendary meme adverts for crisps together

miroslav klose (43) - the somersault guy, man he was the best striker ever, also retired a while ago i miss him tremendously, very stern but humble and a good man, miro is also a world cup winner, paved the way

philipp lahm (37) - another retired captain from the golden generation, several defensive positions, infamously smol and very talented, bffs with big manu, brainiac short king, we owe him everything

BONUS: robert lewandowsi (33) - he’s not german, he’s not in our team, he can’t join us since he already plays elsewhere (for poland nt), but our whole nation acts like he can because we want him as our striker lmao! get off tiktok lewy we need you

(the four stars are from the munich club jersey which is unrelated to the national team, we like him since he plays there and is extremely successful, a lot of our national players are sent from munich it’s the talent factory, check them out for further germany nt research if u want, the club is legendary)

and that’s it thank you for sticking with me here i hope you adopted some new ridiculous boyfriends and gained sexy insights about germany

as you saw we have pretty boys ranging from XXL to XXS so the buffet is open we have something for everybody

collect yours and tune in for more november world cup quali games 2021 and the tournament next summer where we will spread more rainbow buffoonery than ever and smize the competition to the ground

totally official predictions:

during semi finals, serge gnabry will evaporate christiano ronaldo in his cooking pan, then bounce the ball into the goal with his big booty: instant man of the match

hansi flick will chant a magic spell and timo werner scores 15 times

thomas müller’s horses will eat france, italy, and whatever other team is good

kimmich distracts messi by hitting the high c

manuel will end england in a penalty shootout wearing a torn neon pink camoflage jersey

when we play against poland, lewy will cause an own goal so he can finally be our striker in spirit 😔✊

leroy sané will look very hot

leon goretzka debuts a tenpack

kai havertz will credit his dogs and donkeys for his success after scoring the overly dramatic winning goal in the final with those long noodly legs <3

it will either be clownishly tragic or eyebrowly glorious but in any case it’s good fun and you get to see some pretty people running from left to right and vice versa ⭐️ (and memes are pretty much guaranteed no matter what happens)

for those who are already in the fandom and want to add their own husbands or some more sexy stats to this or if something needs correction go right ahead let’s go and thank you for reading + reblogging

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pastxlscorp · 3 years

Text

Bully! Mitsuya Fanfic (pt.1)

Chapter I: Inception

✿ Word Count: 2.1k

✿ Pairing: Takashi Mitsuya x reader

✿ Topics covered: (Eventual) Enemies to lovers trope, Y/N POV, tsundere-Mitsuya, bully! Mitsuya, fem. reader, minor manga spoilers, Bully! Mitsuya headcanons from last post

He lifted his large palm, coated in silver and black rings to match his attire. He was wearing a black mock turtleneck that matched his jet black hair. In his youth, he had lilac-colored hair that was either in a buzz-cut or grown out to a mullet. Now, he sported his black hair in his college-years. He was studying to become a fashion designer, a dream he had since his youth after his love blossomed for sewing. It had begun as a chore in order to keep his sisters satisfied and happy, saving money from buying toys by simply creating them himself. As he practiced it more and more, he began to realize how intricate fabrics were. How beautiful colors could come together and form the prettiest structures and designs -- how even the ugliest colors would look elegant if you paired them properly with the right colors, or carefully took apart the threads to create something new. You on the other hand were not studying to become a fashion designer, but rather a photographer. In your youth, you were a free-lancer in art and a quiet overachiever. You had many different career options open to you, but nothing really opened you up in the way art did. You participated in many different types of art, you loved painting, sewing, embroidery, name it, you’ve probably dabbled in it. One day, your class was introduced to your photography unit and all the puzzle pieces fell into the designated places, the pieces being lost and untouched for years. Nothing brought you more joy than snapping someone’s photo on the street to surprise them with the way the sunlight beautifully encapsulated their figure. Nothing brought you more joy than taking an eerily aesthetic photo of the rain pouring on the people below your building as a lady frolocked in the rain below, eager to rejoice in mother nature’s beauty.

Truthfully, your relationship had not started out the way it was now. With his palm ever so elegantly shoving you to the floor, your photographs spilling out of your portfolio as you hit the cold tile floor, protecting your chest by landing on your elbow and knee. Snickers, chuckles, giggles-- they all filled the hallway after seeing you collapse. Only a select few actually took pity on you, including one of his loyal followers, Hakkai Shiba. Mitsuya was usually followed around by two close-friends, Yasuda-san and Hakkai. Yasuda-san was also a fashion major, while Hakkai was planning to become a model. Mitsuya was very well respected amongst the campus for many different reasons. Firstly, he was gifted with the intellect of sewing intrigue designs that made everyone sigh in awe. Secondly, pretty-privilege. You hated to admit it but Mitsuya was a very attractive-looking man, his hair was always fluffed to the right extent, he was well-dressed, and leading into the third reason, he was smart. Despite being a part of the Tokyo Manji Gang, otherwise known as Toman, as one of the second division captains, he was able to manage schoolwork as an overachiever and was known for his intellect. Not to mention, keeping his division in check along with his two younger sisters AND the sewing club that he managed at his school? It was no wonder he was seen as the perfect boyfriend, he had all of his together. This was the reason why his disregard of you was seen as acceptable, everyone assumed you must have done something wrong for him to treat you this way, right?

Incorrect assumption. You have never done anything wrong to Mitsuya-- in fact… you don’t really remember doing anything to him, period. You both met by chance in his home-economics club, which he decided to suggest to the college board upon seeing there was not a club that actively encouraged sewing. At the time, most participants on campus were graphic designers, artists, not really looking to take the fashion industry by storm as Mitsuya was. However, he was able to persuade the board and even got petition signatures to seal it all off. He was the president of the club and upon seeing the posters taped in the hallways, you instantly took the opportunity to get any extracurricular activities on your transcript. He welcomed you into the club but it wasn’t like you got that much of his attention-- after all, the club filled up quickly with Mitsuya’s admirers. Although, shortly before he began his cruel treatment and behavior towards you, it actually seemed like you two were becoming friends. He would begin to check on you a little more frequently than the rest, tapping your shoulder with a warm smile, asking you how your project was going. You would show him your small projects, nothing too big as it had nothing to do with your major, but projects that you enjoyed and had fun doing nonetheless. He seemed most amused by the sweater you created for your dog by letting out a soft chuckle. In return, he showed you the sweaters he made for his sisters, who were now teenagers. It became a routine for him to walk over to you after checking up on everyone else and talk until club hours were over. He’d find anything to talk about and it made your heart swell with how he actually took the time out of his day to make sure you didn’t feel alone. You were sure he had picked up on how you lacked friends in his club, he was clearly trying to make you feel welcome and you couldn’t help but begin to admire him even more than you once had.

One day, however, it suddenly changed. His demeanor was suddenly cold and unwelcoming to you. You noticed when you walked into his club as you normally did, taking your seat. He did not visit you within the 10 minutes it usually took him to check upon everyone else. It took much, much longer, so you simply assumed everyone needed more help than usual. However, when he came over to your table, his words startled you so much that you pricked yourself with your needle, rushing your eyes to meet his own at his sudden harshness.

┃ “Looks like someone isn’t paying attention.”

The venom in his words made your cheeks flush with a tint of red, noticing some of the club members staring at you, also in surprise of his harsh tone. You open your mouth, quickly questioning his behavior, all of your words coming out panicked, in fear you’ve done something wrong-- something to disappoint, or upset him.

┃ “What do you mean, Pres? My projects have never been an issue before.”

┃ “Nicknames are a privilege. Call me by my proper title.” He snapped, your peers widening their eyes, for he never required anyone to call him by his last name.

┃ “...President Mitsuya, I apologize. However, you can’t just--”

┃ “Look around,” he motions his arm towards the surrounding students working at their tables, sewing much larger projects and others measuring their models for their designs. Your right eyebrow began to raise in confusion, he had never minded your small projects. Yet, here he was, embarrassing, no-- humiliating you in front of your peers about how minuscule your projects were in comparison.

┃ “Your peers all have their mind set on a big project or several larger projects. Yet, here you are with your small little trinkets. They’re working hard, and you’re doing the bare minimum to have your work completed for this club.”

Tears began to prick your eyes, questioning what his true motive was here. Surely, the projects weren’t the issue. This… this was too strong of a switch-up. Something had triggered this outburst of his, but you weren’t sure what. He was always stressed, all the time actually-- had he perhaps overwhelmed himself and he was taking it out on you?

┃ “(Y/N).” Your name so violently came out of his mouth, as if it had just crashed on cement. It wasn’t the silky and softer voice you were accustomed to hearing when speaking with him. “Get your head out of the clouds. Are you listening?”

┃ “Sir… I mean, President Mitsuya, with all due respect, you seem to be… unfairly targeting me. Some of these students are creating something as simple as a sweater for their friends, why is something for my dog any different?”

The rest of the club began planning your funeral. While never seeing him this upset on school grounds, they have heard about how foul he could get with his division members. Questioning him was bound to make him explode. They all froze, eyes drifting to Mitsuya for an incoming scolding.

┃ With a harsh grab, his fingers glide under your chin as he lifts it up to meet his face directly. “'You questioning me?”

┃ “N-no sir! I mean no disrespect, I just-”

┃ “You’ll be staying after club hours.”

┃ “B-but sir I have-”

┃ “I was NOT asking.” He half-shouts, dropping your chin from his harsh grip as he makes it back to the front of the classroom where he continues to work on his own projects. Your fellow club members pitied you at first, but after seeing how harsh he got later on with you as the bullying continued, they assumed this was the result of an external conflict.

You don’t remember what he told you after club hours. He was yelling something about how you were stupid, a dumbass, and well, you get the rest. Cruel words were thrown at you as if the day before he wasn’t so fondly helping you with the sweater for your dog-- helping you perfect the stitch of his name. Any time you questioned him or flat-out denied his accusations and heinous words, he would yank your chain and pull you so you were right in front of him as he stared down at you. It was enough to scare you out of ever providing a rebuttal, and you soon learned that as the bullying continued.

Now, here you are, on the floor, calmly collecting your portfolio photographs, not even phased by his now-normal harassment. Usually, a shove would be enough to appease him, but today it seemed like one of those days where he wanted more. He walked over to your kneeling figure as you collected your portfolio, your head turned away from him to avoid giving him any form of satisfaction.

┃ “What do you say after you bump into someone?”

┃ “I didn’t bump into you, dickhead.”

With a swift motion, he forcefully grabbed your chin and forced you to look at him, his lavender eyes piercing straight through you. He was clearly unsatisfied with your response.

┃ “What do you say after you bump into someone, skank?”

Every time you questioned him or talked back, you knew it simply made him angrier. You quickly learned that him acting out was his way of earning your attention, but for whatever reason it was, you couldn’t figure out why. What you did learn, however, from your many other incidents with him, is that he would praise you when you were obedient. Eager to get this over with and save yourself any more humiliation, you replied:

┃ “I’m sorry.”

┃ “I’m sorry…?”

┃ With a sigh, you continue, “I’m sorry, President Mitsuya.”

He smirks, now satisfied with your answer. He taps your cheek with his right index finger and replies:

┃ “Good girl.”

You swipe your face away from his grasp and continue collecting your photographs, along with your notebooks and planner that had slipped out. Mitsuya scoffs as you once more retract your attention away from him and walks away with Yasuda-sun snickering. Hakkai, however, stays behind and examines you for a few brief moments. He walks over to you and begins helping you organize your bookbag. You look up and smile-- despite his silence, his eyes offered every form of apology he could give you. You had learned Hakkai was afraid to speak up to Mitsuya because he was his best friend and was afraid any talkback from him would only result in a deeper hatred for you. You didn’t mind, however, you just appreciated how Hakkai kept you grounded. He helped you remember you didn’t do anything wrong, this was Mitsuya’s doing and his alone. Hakkai was always well-dressed as well, you noticed. He was wearing an incredibly long trench coat with beautiful shades of baby blue, ocean blues and a bright orange that made everything pop. It covered a black mock turtleneck that seemed to be matching the one Mitsuya was wearing and in fact, Hakkai also seemed to have an earring on one ear, similar to Mitsuya. It appeared that he deeply respected Mitsuya, his outfit seemed to be heavily inspired by his own. With everything settled in your bookbag once more, he offered you a pat on the head with a smile as you nodded and thanked him before running off to your first class of the day.

✿ a.n. // I finished this chapter while finishing my AP Psychology hw. I had started writing it and then idk why but I was re-reading the manga and went “wait, now what if we have Hakkai and Yasuda-san…” and ta-da, take my 2.1k words of pure a$$. If this chapter does well, I’ll be sure to upload it on my ao3, too. special tags for @the2ndl and @bren-heron because they both really wanted a fic out of this concept. I hope you enjoy loves <3

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nevermindirah · 3 years

Text

Yitzhak!

is a character! who Gregadiah What-Is-Math Rucka gave us almost no information about!

I've gone through Tales Through Time #6: The Bear and #1: My Mother's Axe with several magnifying glasses and done a lot of googling and taken my copy of the Tanakh off my shelf for the first time since (well, since the last time I needed to read Torah for TOG reasons, which I think was Booker Passover headcanons) and here's the best I can come up with.

In The Bear we meet someone who goes by the name Isaac Blue:

Read on for a lot of comic panel analysis and historical research and Jewish flailing!

So what do we know about this Isaac Blue person?

He's Lorge, he's got curly hair, he's basically a taller version of Joe as drawn by Leandro Fernández (ie an antisemitic stereotype why the fuck did they approve this character design?? and then why did they double down and copy-paste it to Yitzhak??):

He's got a mezuzah on the doorpost of his house in Alaska!

I screamed about the mezuzah way back in January in this post where I (very reasonably) assumed this character was Joe and spun myself a tale about how Booker is still Joe's brother so the mezuzah stays up even though Booker isn't welcome in that house for a century. Bottom line: the mezuzah is a tradition with origins in the commandment from Deuteronomy 6:9 to "write the words of G-d on the gates and doorposts of your house" and evolved over the course of the Rabbinic period into the modern mezuzah we see here.

I did unnecessary levels of google image search to glean absolutely no useful information about Yitzhak’s origins from this panel:

I've decided the variant cover of TTT 6 is Yitzhak because of a panel in My Mother’s Axe, shown here, and what's likely an unnecessarily deep reading of Exodus, discussed further down:

The person at the right of the bottom panel is wearing the same clothes as in the TTT 6 variant cover and has the same shoulder-length curly hair and hairy forearms.

Left to right, the people in this panel are Lykon (I'll never get used to him being white in the comics), Andy, Noriko (I think? why doesn't Andy mention her by name here?), and Yitzhak. Andy's robe has a stereotypically Greek design on the sleeve cuff, and I had to stop myself 10 minutes into a Wikipedia rabbit hole because Gregorforth doesn't think that deep about this shit. The solid clues as to timeline that we get in this panel are:

Andy's iron axe

the presence of Lykon, who Andy first met in 331 BCE

So all we know is that Yitzhak is an immortal, he was a contemporary of Lykon, and he's Jewish.

Isaac is the most common Anglicization of Yitzhak (which in turn is the most common Anglophone transliteration of יִצְחָק‎), and Greg always uses the (transliterated) Hebrew when he refers to this character. Yitzhak is the long-awaited child of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis, the child who G-d commanded Abraham to sacrifice but spared at the last minute. I see what you did there, Gregory.

Why Isaac Blue? This is where I pulled out my Tanakh. According to the New JPS translation, blue is the first of three colors of yarn listed in Exodus 35:6 among the gifts requested of the Israelites to construct the priestly garments for the Tabernacle and later the Temple. Then in Numbers 15:38 the Israelites are commanded to "make themselves fringes on the corners of their garments throughout the ages; let them attach a cord of blue to the fringe at each corner."

And now for sandbox timelines party! Gregadiah gave us ALMOST NOTHING to go on, so I'm gonna make my own fun.

I, like many modern Jews, think the stories in the Tanakh are foundational mythology that are valuable because of how they've shaped our people but that contain some fucked-up shit and either way aren't meant to be a record of historical facts. Modern scholarship generally agrees that the community we now call Jews emerged as a distinct group of Canaanites sometime in the late Bronze Age (cw this video's host says the Name of G-d aloud despite being a religious studies scholar who knows that is not a name anyone but the Temple priests are allowed to say). The first non-Biblical written record of the people Israel is from an Egyptian source c. 1200 BCE, and the Biblical kingdom of David and Solomon was probably an exaggeration of whatever really happened during the Bronze Age Collapse. We start getting into historical-fact territory a few centuries into the Iron Age:

588 BCE Solomon's Temple destroyed, Babylonian exile begins

538 BCE Cyrus of Persia allows Jews to return to Jerusalem

515 BCE Second Temple construction complete

332 BCE Alexander the Great At Something I Guess conquered Judea, beginning the Hellenistic period of Jewish history — 331 BCE Andy & Lykon find each other

167 BCE another jerkface Greek king desecrated the Temple and basically outlawed Judaism

164 BCE recapture of Jerusalem and Temple rededication during the Maccabean Revolt

70 CE destruction of the Second Temple by the Romans, beginning of the Rabbinic period of Jewish history that we're still in now

What if... and hear me out... what if immortals come in pairs, and the pairs are:

Andy & Quynh

Joe & Nicky

Booker & Nile

LYKON & YITZHAK

What if Yitzhak was a priest of the Second Temple? What if he and Lykon killed each other just like Joe and Nicky would in the same city around 1300 years later, but instead of enemies-to-lovers speedrun with an absurdly long happily-ever-after, when Lykon died permanently Yitzhak decided to separate from Andy and Noriko and become the hermit we later see in Alaska?

We don't know how old Yitzhak is compared to the others, only that he was a contemporary of Lykon at a time when Andy was using an Iron Age version of her mother's axe. Other plausible origins for him:

a Jew of the early Rabbinic period, maybe a child or grandchild of people who were still alive before the Second Temple was destroyed

a Judean of the Second Temple era under the Romans or Greeks or Persians, maybe a priest, maybe not

an exilee in Babylon, maybe of the generation who got to return, maybe of the generation who was exiled (he doesn't look like he was 50 at his first death but who knows, he could've been mortal for both)

an Israelite of the Kingdoms of Israel and Judah, maybe a priest of Solomon's Temple or again maybe not

an Israelite wandering in the desert with Moses

THEE Yitzhak, ben Avraham v'Sarah, our patriarch who was brought up for sacrifice and then spared, and then spared again, and then spared again, and again, and again...

or! he could also be a Canaanite or other Levantine who predates the people Israel, who at some point in his very long life chose to join our mixed multitude, who like Andromache before him (and like Avram and Sarai would in this case do after him) took a new name to reflect the magnitude of influence this people has had on him

Why do I keep saying Yitzhak might have been a priest? It's thanks to the one detail in the artwork I could plausibly connect to solid research without getting a PhD real quick. Take a look at the gorgeous detail on the opening of his robe in the TTT 6 cover. He's dressed in rags, holes and dirt everywhere, rough stitches probably from hasty repair work — except for the neck opening. Compare that to this description from Exodus 39:23 of the construction of the priestly garments for the Tabernacle: "The opening of the robe, in the middle of it, was like the opening of a coat of mail, with a binding around the opening, so that it would not tear."

The next verses describe the intricate designs for the hem of the priestly garment. Yitzhak's ragged garment looks like the hem was torn off entirely.

Am I overthinking this? Yes I am! You're welcome!

My friend and historical research hero @lady-writes is in a Discord server with Gregadiah and asked the man himself some questions about all this. He clearly thinks he's being sneaky?? No shit Yitzhak is Jewish, dude, I want DETAILS!

I will not be giving up my Jewish Booker headcanon, I've put too much thought into it by now, the internalized shame of antisemitism explains Booker's depression too well for me, and it just adds so much richness to Booker/Nile both being children of forced diasporas. Fortunately (for him, not me, bc I'd do it anyway!) Gregothy supports fan headcanons even when they're not in line with his own:

One last thing before I close like 100 research tabs and go back to writing historical fantasy and/or porn! I love that, despite that atrocious caricature of a face design, our canon Jew and our fanon Jew are both Lorge and Soft and Kind, flying the face of the antisemitic stereotype of Ashkenazi Jewish men as small and weak, but also not falling into the New Jew / Muscle Jew stereotype that Zionism created. (I am trying SO HARD not to talk about Israel/Palestine for once ughhhhhhhhhh) Anyway here's a (US-centric but very good) primer on both these stereotypes of Jewish masculinity. Is this why I'm forever projecting my transmasc diasporist feels onto Jewish Booker the service sub? 🤷🏻‍♂️

I’ll reblog a second version of this with full image descriptions so that there’s a version accessible for folks who need IDs as well as a version accessible for folks who get overwhelmed by walls of text.

#TOG POC Love Fest #yitzhak #jewish booker #tales through time spoilers #tales through time #tog meta #tog #jewish things #mine #antisemitism #hi i'm an antizionist jew no i don't really want to talk about it

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duskholland · 4 years

Text

The Fame Game (Prologue) | Tom Holland

Summary ↠ There’s just something about Tom Holland that makes your blood boil. He walks around like he owns the world, always with an unhelpful quip or irritating smirk on hand. You can’t stand him, and your feud has burned hard and bright for three years. Everything changes following an explosive evening at the Oscars, when a questionable encounter with the paparazzi lands you in some hot water with PR... fake dating au; enemies to lovers; actor!y/n.

Word count ↠ 4.6k

Warnings ↠ Alcohol, paparazzi, swearing, discussions of misogyny and the corruption of fame, Tom and Y/N are both very petty, dramatic assholes.

A/N ↠ Ahhh it’s here! I was really shocked by how many people responded to the announcement post for the series -- I hope so much that this doesn’t disappoint anyone lol. This series is my baby, and I’m very excited to share it with you all. Before we dive into the fake dating, we must first explore a very critical evening for Tom and Y/N... hahahah. This was a lot of fun to write. Please let me know if you’ve got any thoughts! :D

(Tom’s in the FFH premiere outfit because I’m still in love with that fit, and the jury’s out for whether or not the actual Tom needs glasses to see; this version of him just uses them as a fashion statement lmao)

((The biggest thank you ever to V, mischiefandi, for being this series’ no.1 supporter and proofing this -- love you mate))

Series masterpost

ZERO: The Oscars (Y)

The atmosphere at Vanity Fair’s Oscars after-party is electric.

The soft boom of the latest pop tunes seeps into the air, mixing with the warm lights and the sounds of clinking champagne flutes. The room holds Hollywood’s best, and it seems no matter which direction you tilt your head, your eyes find themselves settling over a familiar face. You’re walking amongst legends tonight, and as you throw back your third glass of champagne of the evening, you let a small smile unfurl across your lips.

It isn’t your first time attending the Oscars, but it is the first time you haven’t felt utterly out of your depth surrounded by people of this calibre. When you’d first started in the acting industry, you’d found it incredibly unsettling to enter a room full of Oscar-winners. Even now you remember how your hands had felt slick with sweat as you’d nervously been introduced to Meryl Streep and Viola Davis, and how you’d felt imposter syndrome on a scale you’d never imagined possible. Time and experience have brought you many things, but most importantly, they have gifted you confidence. You’re 24 now, and the string of achievements and nominations tied to your belt is so impressive that they deem you no longer an outsider at the Oscars; instead, it’s as if you’ve been accepted into the fold.

But for all the enjoyment of the lavish after-party, you can’t stop your mood from plummeting. It’s all fun and games until your eyes sweep the room and settle on a smirking figure standing in the corner:

Tom Holland.

Just the sight of him makes your nostrils flare.

You think it must be true what they say: once you start to dislike someone, it’s as if every single thing they do irritates you. This is how you feel with Tom. Even the smallest, most insignificant details about him somehow manage to annoy you. You cannot stand the smell of his hair gel, and you detest the way he stubbornly refuses to mend his phone screen. Your teeth grit together every time you see that smug smirking grin hanging from his lips, and you get worked up by the way he always seems to swagger around as if he owns the room. The grievances fall into several categories: his aesthetic choices, his generally smug demeanour, and his irritating personality, and it all fosters your deep, unyielding disapproval of the man.

Tom infuriates you beyond belief - beyond words. And he’s standing across the room right now, staring at you over the rim of his wine glass with a teasing smirk hanging from his stupid lips.

You try to ignore him at first. You lick your lips and return your attention to a conversation with some of your co-stars. You know better than to try and approach anyone else tonight. Your reputation, as your PR team likes to put it, is ‘fragile’ at the moment. A string of uncomplimentary ex-lovers and a few disgruntled directors have shattered your pristine public image, making you regarded as both a rising talent and loose cannon by the media. There’s been a common trend recently of news outlets dragging your name through the mud, and the desperate words of PR as they’d begged you not to cause a scene tonight drift through your mind as you contemplate wandering over to Tom.

You know it isn’t in your best interests to engage with the man - no matter the occasion, your conversations always end explosively - but Tom is just standing there, staring at you persistently, and you just can’t help it.

Your tongue flicks out across your lower lip as you feel his hot gaze trailing around your made-up cheek. His eyes are intense - holding power over you, to the point where you have you excuse yourself from your conversation. An exasperated sigh slips past your lips as you turn around, preparing yourself for your encounter. Your stare finds him, and it follows Tom as he strides across the party towards you, one hand hanging easily from his trouser pocket as the other clasps an intricately engraved wine glass.

The frown on your lips deepens the nearer Tom gets, and as more details of his figure draw into focus. He’s got his chestnut waves slicked back tonight, with a few stray strands hanging out across his forehead. It makes him look dishevelled, but in a devilishly handsome sort of way - which makes sense, given you’re reasonably sure he must have some kind of relationship with Lucifer himself. Stretched across the wide expanse of his shoulders is a deep burgundy suit, and it cages him in tightly, leaving little to the imagination. Your lips curl into a poisonous grimace as your eyes finally fall on the glasses perched on his nose; you’re sure Tom doesn’t even need glasses, and it riles you up to see him parading the frames as a fashion statement.

But perhaps the thing about his ensemble that annoys you the most is the fact that you can’t look away. No matter how hard you beg yourself, you can’t drag your gaze away from Tom’s swagger, or the tight hold he has on the stem of the glass, or the way his eyes dance with a dark, mischievous glint as he falls to a stop in front of you. Tom is many things to you, but it’s undeniable that you find him attractive, and that fact often keeps you seething well into the early hours of the morning.

“Y/N,” Tom greets, his voice dripping charm. “Lovely to see you again.” His thin pink lips twist up into a smirk, and you find yourself clenching your fingers into fists around the tender stem of your champagne flute.

“Tom.” You step forwards, and your lips catch at his cheek as you press a firm, unwavering greeting to his face. You feel his warm hand slip from his pocket, and it grazes across your hip as Tom holds you closer. “You look to be enjoying yourself.”

When you pull back, you linger near him, allowing Tom to return the gesture by pressing his hot mouth to your cheek. He smells of rich, overpowering cologne, and you scrunch your nose up as his lips burn against your skin.

“It’s quite the party tonight,” he returns, stepping back. Tom’s beady little brown eyes run across your figure, taking in the long designer gown and the decadent sparkly necklace hanging from your neck. He graces you with an approving nod. “Are you having a nice time?”

“I was.” You pause to take a long sip of champagne, finding comfort in the way the bubbles pop against your tongue. You hope the alcohol will help to take the edge off the way your heart has started to pound against your ribs. “It’s a shame you had to come over here and ruin my mood.”

“Couldn’t help but notice you were staring at me, love,” he says, “Thought maybe you had something you’d like to say to me.”

You feel a hot spike of irritation as his lips curve effortlessly around the word love. Tom has always been a fan of pet names. The ease in which they roll from his tongue in that smooth, accented voice never fails to charm the room, and though you like to think you’re immune to his allure, you can feel the word spinning around your head like a broken record.

“Not really,” you return coolly, maintaining your composure with the poise and precision of a seasoned actress. You even manage to flash him an apologetic smile. “No big award for you tonight, though? Must be heartbreaking.”

Tom rolls his eyes. “Are you really still caught up on the BAFTA?” He asks, his voice lower and harder.

The mood between you dips, and instinctively you find yourself moving away into a quieter corner of the room. As you drift away from the hordes of celebrities guzzling champagne, it’s as if the facade between you breaks down. Your smirk becomes harder, your eyes less forgiving - and in return, Tom’s smile sours into a grimace, and he holds himself straighter. The masks you wear come off, leaving you both bare and exposed.

“No,” you respond darkly. You’re tucked away in the corner of the party, with your back almost against the wall as Tom lingers in front of you. Both of you have discarded your drinks glasses. “I couldn’t care less that you won the BAFTA, Tom. If the jury decided you were worthy, then you were worthy. I would have to be very unreasonable to disagree with the committee.”

“I don’t believe that for a second, Y/N.” Tom tilts his head to the side, flashing the tips of his shiny white teeth as his mouth loosens into a wild smile.

“Fine.” You give him an excessive sigh, and you let your eyes drift towards his mouth. “I don’t buy it, Tom.”

Tom’s suit jacket breaks out into wrinkles as he crosses his arms across his chest. “You don’t buy what?”

“This act.”

Tom almost rolls his eyes again. “And which act are you referring to, Y/N?”

“The Mr Nice Guy Act, Thomas.” The way he flexes his jaw makes you lean nearer and smirk. “Everyone here thinks you’re such a wonderful man, but I see right through it.”

It’s hard to know precisely when your feelings towards Tom became so hostile, but you like to pinpoint the night of the BAFTAs in 2017 as the day you surpassed the point of no return. You were younger then - both of you - and things quickly got out of hand. You know Tom likes to pinpoint your ‘jealousy’ following his win and your snub at the awards show as the catalyst for your tumultuous relationship, but both of you know that night was the product of several cumulative events.

Your best friend had worked with Tom’s mate Harrison, all those years ago in 2016. You knew Harrison through her, and you got on well enough with him, so when the BAFTA academy had nominated both you and Tom as contenders for Rising Star, Harrison had orchestrated an exchange of phone numbers. However, given your packed schedule and press engagements, you had failed to respond to all of Tom’s attempts to contact you.

One thing led to another. Tom assumed you were dodging his texts and started bad-mouthing you to Harrison. Word travelled to you that this guy - the competition - was throwing shade to your name, and so you might have made a few choice remarks about him on Ellen and suggested that Tobey Maguire was the best Spider-Man. Whatever. It was all so petty and childish, and it’d escalated to boiling point on the night of the BAFTAs when Tom hadn’t been able to shut up and thrust his win right into your face - quite literally. You can still remember the way he’d clutched the trophy as he’d shown it off in all its grandeur.

Ever since then, your relationship has been poisonous. A case of miscommunication and petty jealousy turned hostile, and now you’re in far too deep to even think about mending the fractured dynamic.

“I am a nice guy,” Tom tells you. His eyes skim across your face, and you don’t miss the way they drag across the curve of your lower lip.

“As if.” You ponder which anecdote you should fall back on to prove your point, and it takes a while to select one: the pool of Tom’s past mistakes and moves against you is vast and wide. “Would a nice guy conveniently forget to invite me to Harrison’s birthday party?”

Tom winces, and something almost like regret flickers out across his face before he meets your eyes and hardens up his gaze. “I’ve already told you that was a case of miscommunication,” he says slowly, patronising. “I doubt you would have enjoyed it anyway, Y/N. Wasn’t exactly your type of party.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Your hand finds your waist, gripping firmly at your flesh to stop your fingers from shaking. The way Tom looks at you so intensely makes you feel strung-out and bare, and it’s almost as if he can see straight through you.

“It was a small, intimate gathering. From what I’ve been hearing, you’re a fan of the larger, more explosive parties, aren’t you?”

You could throttle him. You could really, truly throttle him. You know with certainty that Tom’s referring to the latest smear the media had run against you, which had placed you at an illegal rave in Downtown LA and cost you a role in a film you were passionate about.

“You shouldn’t believe everything you read in the tabloids, Tom.”

“Maybe not.” Tom’s closer to you now. You find your back brushing up against the wall as he steps nearer yet again, his shiny leather shoes sparkling beneath the light curving out from the chandeliers. “I’d like to think I know you quite well, though, Y/N. We have known each other for several years.”

“I’d use the word ‘known’ very loosely if I were you. I think it’s more like, ‘been plagued by’, but you do you, Tom.”

He laughs, and this time the noise is lighter. You feel a little woozy from the champagne - or maybe it’s his cologne - and you let your hand wander up to rest on the top of Tom’s suit. You drag your fingers across the smooth material, marvelling at how soft the designer garb is to touch.

“Do you like my suit?” Tom asks, his voice lower than before. There’s a strange charge to the air between you, and you find yourself nodding.

“I disagree with the glasses, but your suit is decent. I have to admit that this colour looks flattering on you.” The bold burgundy tones bring out the warmth in his eyes, even if the stupid thin frames of his glasses obscure them. You watch as his pupils widen and feel the warmth of Tom’s breath as he inches in closer.

“Thanks,” he says. Tom’s hand winds around your waist. “Your dress is very nice.”

You swallow, your throat suddenly feeling dry. You briefly wish that you had another glass of champagne to keep you occupied because you find your other hand joining the first and finding purchase on Tom’s shoulder. He’s very close to you, and there’s nowhere left to move because you’d backed up against the wall. Fleetingly you wonder what it must look like, to be hidden away at the back of the party and caged in like this, but you decide that the flurry of heated emotions passing through his eyes and the way his thumb pads over your waist is worth it.

Neither of you says a word, but you watch through wide eyes as Tom’s gaze flickers out across your lower lip. He inches in closer, almost painfully slowly, his demeanour radiating a shaky confidence as he tilts the angle of his head. You watch the hard lines of his mouth dissolve, and his smirk melts away into something like a smile as his eyes flutter shut. Now Tom is very close - so, so close - and the gap between your mouths narrows by the second.

He’s going to kiss you. You know he’s going to kiss you. Why is he going to kiss you? Why are you going to let him kiss you-

“Y/N! Hey, congrats on the film. I saw it last week with my wife, and she loved it-”

Tom springs back. You gasp a short breath of air as your eyes widen, and the film of scattered emotions that had temporarily disarmed you shatters. Tom’s cheeks are bright red, and he doesn’t seem to know where to look or what to do as he jams his hands into his trouser pockets and stares at the floor.

“-Oh, sorry, was I interrupting something?”

Your throat tickles as you shake your head, looking up to see Mark Ruffalo standing there, his expression relaxed but growing in confusion as he drinks in the awkward tension rippling between you and Tom.

“No,” you say immediately, a bite to your voice. You refuse to look at Tom. “You weren’t interrupting anything.”

Mark releases a breath of relief and launches back into his speech, complimenting you profusely on your performance. You become distracted as you listen to him, but not enough to forget about the way Tom had leaned closer and brushed his thumb across your side almost gently. After a few moments of conversation, you can’t stop yourself from glancing over towards Tom, only to notice that he’s slunk away elsewhere. His absence makes your heart twist.

Another hour slips away, and you find yourself returning to the Moët for release. You can feel your composure gliding away from you with each fateful sip. Tom seems to have vanished, and you find yourself questioning if he’s so embarrassed by your moment in the corner that he had to leave. You wonder if that would be better than him staying.

But eventually, your eyes seek him out, as they always seem to do. And you catch him chatting with a woman, his arm around her shoulders and his lips brushed against her ear. Tom seems to feel your gaze on him, and his deep brown eyes meet with yours. He raises his eyebrows and whispers something into the woman’s ear that makes her laugh, and it sends something whipping down your spine.

It isn’t just jealousy - it goes deeper than that. It’s the realisation that you could never get away with this behaviour. You know that if the roles were reversed and it was you who had been seen getting close to two men in one night, you would be assigned a whole host of derogatory names. The double standards that exist in this artificial world of cameras and headlines make you feel sick to your stomach. You are not jealous of the woman beneath Tom’s arm, though you will admit it makes you feel uneasy - it’s the hypocrisy of it all that makes you seethe.

“Excuse me,” you mutter to no one in particular. Tom’s eyes slip away from yours as you put down your empty glass and turn, heading in the direction of an exit. You wander the vast, glittering ballroom for a few moments before spying a door embedded in the back wall that leads out into a dark alleyway.

When you step out onto the street, the cold February air seems to bring your tipsiness to the forefront of your mind. You giggle softly to yourself and wrap your arms around your chest, your fingers rubbing rapid fiery circles across your exposed flesh as you try to drum up a heat.

You lean back against the wall and stare up at the vacant sky. LA is too polluted to see the stars, but you like to imagine they’re staring down back at you. In the distance, you can hear the sounds of laughter coming out from the hall, and out at the end of the alley you can see the street, cloaked in dark paparazzi vans and dim amber street-lamps, but tucked away up here alone, you feel at peace.

“Cinderella runs away from the ball, yet again.”

You scowl. Your eyes move away from the dark blanket of clouds to see Tom. He’s ditched the glasses, but you can see the legs sticking out from the pocket sewn to the top of his suit.

“Joined by her ugly pumpkin.” You screw up your nose at your own words, cursing your fizzled mind for messing up the tale. “That’s not right, is it?”

Tom approaches you, his cheeks full of a rosy tipsiness. “Dunno,” he murmurs. “Think I like it better than being called your ugly sister, though.”

“Ew.”

You share a loud, unruly laugh with Tom, your voices mixing almost melodically. When you sigh, you lean further against the wall.

“I hate it in there,” you find yourself admitting. “So many people were talking about me behind my back. It’s like they think I can’t tell that they’ve just been discussing me when I walk over and the conversation falls silent.” You slot your fingers together and play around with your thumbs. “Everything is so fake. It’s like a game to them.”

A cool breeze floats down the alley, and you find yourself shivering.

“It is a game,” Tom says slowly, all whilst slipping off his suit jacket. He holds it out to you, raising an eyebrow when you shake your head. “It’s cold, Y/N. I know you’re stubborn, but neither of us wants you to freeze out here.”

The mood between you feels tender, and you let yourself accept his warm jacket. You throw it across your shoulders and feel the warm embrace of his suit, and the husky traces of cologne nestled to the fabric, but Tom’s looking at you with an intense gaze, and the sight of his golden browns draws you back to the scenes from inside the party.

“Saw you chatting with a woman inside,” you say, words a little sharper. “Trying to see how many times you have to try it on before someone bites?”

Tom flinches. The air fills with the sound of him clicking his tongue as he rubs his hands together. “You are so fucking petty, Y/N.”

You raise an eyebrow, responding to his clipped voice with surprise. “Hit a nerve, have I?”

He groans softly. “Sorry,” he mutters, “I shouldn’t swear at you. You just get under my bloody skin.”

You shrug. “You’ve said worse.”

“So have you.”

“Only because you deserve it.”

Tom’s bearing in on you again, but this time you feel more at ease. The scent of his cologne mixes with the sweet champagne that lays fresh across your palette, and it makes you feel delirious. You can’t stop yourself from reaching up and draping your hands across his shoulders, bringing him nearer.

“You drive me crazy,” Tom admits. His voice is husky, his eyes dark and intense. In the slight breeze, strands of his hair waft across his forehead.

“I can’t stand you,” you return. Your heart beats wildly in your chest as his hands dig into your waist. The rough render on the building behind you digs into your back as you loop your arms around Tom’s neck and bring him in closer.

“Neither can I, darling.”

It’s like magnetism - some sort of invisible force pulling you in before you can even fathom it. One moment you’re staring at Tom, scepticism in your eyes and anxiety thick in your chest, the next he’s surged forwards and captured your lips in a messy, sensational kiss. You gasp into his mouth, and your fingers tighten against the short hair at the nape of his neck as you kiss him back harshly. Your noses bump and your teeth collide as Tom grabs at your sides with fervour, and having him clutching at you is so hot that it takes your breath away. The kiss is messy and hurried, and it seems to melt down all the built-up tension and frustration you’ve been nurturing for years. It makes your head hurt, and all you can focus on is how crazy it is that you are kissing Tom Holland - and, horrifyingly, how much you don’t seem to hate it.

It comes crashing down when there’s a round of flashes, and you hear the telltale sound of paparazzi photographs.

“Shit!” You push Tom away from you immediately, your breath hitching as your head snaps down to the end of the alley. Unbeknownst to either of you, you’ve been spotted by the men with those large, invasive lenses. The flashes continue, and you turn away, your actions almost in slow motion as you feel a wave of nausea travel across your chest.

“Y/N!”

“Tom, Tom!”

“Are you dating?”

“Having a bit of fun tonight, Y/N?”

A chorus of cataclysmic yells come racing down the alley and the howls of the paparazzi mix with the loud sound of camera shutters.

“Fuck.” Tom grabs your arm, and he pulls you away from them, bringing you both back into the party. There’s a tightness in your chest as you gasp for breath, walking in dizzying strides as you card your fingers through your hair anxiously.

“No, no, no,” you mutter to yourself. You can hear the calls of the paparazzi ringing in your ears, and you dig your fingers into your temples for relief as you snap your head to glare at Tom. “Why did you just kiss me? What’s wrong with you?”

Tom looks pale, and his eyes are round with shock, but he still manages to stare at you incredulously. “You kissed me too?”

You bury your head in your hands. “This is it - this is the last straw. They’re going to have a field day with this.” You peek out at Tom through gaps in your fingers, laughing humourlessly. Your chest burns as you take in his disarmed expression and his deep chocolate eyes. “This is the end.”

“It… It was just one kiss.”

You shake your head furiously. “They’ll run with it. They’ll make a spectacle of us.” Your nails dig into the soft palms of your hands. “You are such an asshole.”

Tom’s mouth, a little red and puffy, twists into something of a snarl. “You kissed me! Why is this my fault?”

“It’s always your fault.” You pause and shake your head. You can’t help but fall back on the naive thought that this truly is all Tom’s fault. You’d been fine before him. You’d been looking into the starless sky. You’d been at peace. He’d just had to waltz on out and trick you into his lips. “Well, I hope you enjoy the end of your career.”

He raises a thin eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?”

“You’ve been associated with me, which is the equivalent of getting a big black line scored right across your name.” You reach up and jerk his jacket from your shoulders, and roughly shove it back into Tom’s hands.

“I think you’re overreacting.”

“Really?” Your gaze hardens. “This is all just a game, Tom, don’t you see? We don’t get to decide who stays on top.” You laugh humourlessly, your tongue tasting sourly of champagne. “We have fucked up.”

Tom sets his jaw. One by one, he stuffs his arms through his suit jacket and tugs it back around his body, sinking into it forcibly. He pulls his glasses from the pocket and places them back on the bridge of his nose, balancing them crookedly.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” Tom remarks, his voice cold and sharp. You briefly wonder if he understands the magnitude of the situation, and as he sweeps away without so much as a kiss on the cheek goodbye, you realise he probably does.

Without yet wholly understanding it, one drunken kiss has sealed your fate. As you stand there, twiddling with your thumbs in the back corner of the Vanity Fair party, your mind races. You know with absolute certainty that things will never be the same again, but not even your wildest dreams could compare to what is about to come.

buckle up bc I’m about to take us on a ride and a half. may as well have ended this with an ellipsis lmao.

↠ next part

any thoughts?! I am actually dying to know what you’re thinking lmao!! my askbox is open :D

taglist can be found in the series masterpost, which is the pinned post at the top of my blog

masterlist linked in my description

#tom holland #Tom Holland x reader #Tom Holland x y/n #Tom Holland imagine #Tom Holland series #Tom Holland fic #tfg #y/n #y/n use #self insert #self-insert #my writing

1K notes · View notes

alderaani · 3 years

Text

more than gold

summary: A lost Jedi Temple, a riddle, some literature, and feelings that Cody isn't ready to speak out loud. | AO3

note: written for @codywanweek and the alt day 5 prompt Sith/Jedi Artefact Shenanigans! sliding in on the last day with one more thing written than expected, so i’m happy with that! i’m pretty ill today so i hope it actually makes some coherent sense 😂 also if the riddle was super obvious, soz, never written one before and turns out it’s really hard.

“You know, I could have sworn I told you not to touch that,” Cody says conversationally, from where he’s splayed out on his back.

“Really? I’m sure I didn’t hear you,” Obi-Wan says, cheerful despite being crumpled in a heap. His elbow is in Cody’s gut. Cody glares at him.

The room they’re lying in is circular, stone, carved out of some Forced-damned mountain and according to Obi-wan, practically thrumming with power. The ceiling is high and vaulted, letting in slivers of light where intricate mirror systems catch the sunlight of double suns and project it deep underground. It takes on a slightly blue cast, reflecting off the huge pool of water they were lucky to not fall into. Four walkways at each cardinal point lead to a central platform, and interspersed between them are four waterfalls.

It should be serene. Except now the waterfalls are travelling backwards, and all the doors, including the one they came in by, are blocked. Cody scrambles up onto his elbows, dislodging Obi-Wan with a grunt.

“What did you do?”

Obi-Wan follows his gaze and gasps, delighted. “Now, will you look at that?”

Cody is looking. Frankly, he doesn’t trust this place enough to not keep his eye on it at all times. Obi-Wan keeps saying that this temple was built long ago, by ancient, peaceful Jedi as a place of learning, and that it won’t hurt them. After they got cut off from the rest of their men at the entrance, however, Cody thinks he could be forgiven for having his doubts.

As Obi-Wan himself proves, peace-keeping hardly rules out danger.

“Amazing,” Obi-Wan breathes, hoisting himself to his feet without a second glance, to walk back up to the plinth and stalk round it, examining the incomprehensible runes engraved there.

Cody is left to peel himself off the floor, and instead goes to prod at the barriers now sealing the exits with the end of his blaster. He tries not to look too much at Obi-Wan, at the soft sweep of his hair and the span of his shoulders. Being on their own like this is something he’s avoided, of late - not because he doesn’t enjoy it, but because he’s starting to enjoy it all too much.

He doesn’t trust the way his heart leaps when Obi-Wan smiles, when he asks him to call him ‘Obi-Wan’, when the cycle draws on and they’re up late again, companionably finishing reports and debating strategy. Or, as they had been doing until Cody got cold feet and started finding excuses, debating novels, which Obi-Wan checked out of the Temple archives and read aloud, one chapter at a time, before they turned in for the night.

He doesn’t trust himself not to ruin this by overstepping. There’s something about his general that makes him lose all control of his tongue, and puts him in danger of voicing thoughts that really he should not be having at all.

It’s agony. It’s bliss. It’s stretching him to breaking point, and this is possibly the worst situation they could have ended up in, really.

“These are made out of water,” he says over his shoulder, grunting as he tries to push his blaster through. He is, of course, unsuccessful.

“Ingenious,” Obi-Wan says. “How did they manage that, I wonder?”

Cody cuts a glance back at him, and grins, despite his exasperation.

“You’re not more worried about how we’re going to get out?”

Obi-Wan waves a hand. “I’m sure the path will reveal itself, in time. Oh, look - Cody, I think this is a puzzle!”

Cody bites back a groan. They do not have time for this. They never really had time for it, but Obi-Wan promised it would be a brief detour on their way to the capital for hyperspace lane access negotiations. He’d looked so excited by recon reports of a lost temple that Cody just hadn’t been able to say no. He’s never able to say no to Obi-Wan, even when he isn’t following orders. It’s probably his fatal flaw.

“I don’t suppose there’s an off switch? A back button?” He asks hopelessly. The Force, at least the Jedi sort, very rarely seems to work that way. Obi-Wan is always talking about moving through problems, about seeking balance and adapting to what’s around you, rather than manipulating it. It’s not Cody’s favoured approach; he was trained to leverage his environment to its maximum advantage, and finds he has little patience for anything else.

Obi-Wan snorts. “This is a defensive mechanism, I’m afraid. Judging by the architecture this was built at the height of the Sith Wars. This artefact is designed to trap us here until we understand the mechanism and progress, or until, back when the temple was occupied, someone would come and deal with the intruder.”

“That doesn’t sound very peaceful,” Cody says.

Obi-Wan shoots him an amused look, the warm, soft kind that makes heat rise from the pit of Cody’s belly right up to his ears.

“Even a pacifist may defend himself,” he says, then leans over the pedestal. “Now, how about you stop grousing and come help me with this?”

Cody rolls his eyes, but goes, slinging his blaster across his back and crossing his arms.

“And stop looming,” Obi-Wan laughs, catching one of Cody’s gloved hands and pulling it down to rest at his side. The simple touch makes Cody’s cheeks burn.

“Don’t see what help I can give you, Sir,” he says, frowning down at the characters surrounding the bright blue artefact. “I was never any good at Ithorian.”

Obi-Wan pauses, then tilts his head up. “Ah. Is that what it is?”

“I - I think so?” Cody was never any good at his language flashtraining; he never had the proper patience for it, but he can usually figure out the basics.

“No, no,” Obi-Wan muses, stroking at his beard with his free hand. “You’re quite right. Goodness me, it's been a long time since I last saw this dialect. Let’s see now…”

Cody steps back and waits, keeping his attention firmly split between their blocked exit points while Obi-Wan ponders. The slow upward movement of the waterfalls is eerie - it still makes noise, but none of it is right. Instead of the gentle patter he expects of water joining a larger pool, there’s a faint gurgling as they move further into each grate, travelling somewhere he cannot see.

Obi-Wan finishes his fifth circle round the platform, and the hand at his chin goes still. Cody stands at attention, expectant.

“It’s a riddle,” Obi-Wan says, and if possible, his delight grows. “Yes - the language is coming back to me now. Do you know, I haven’t looked at Ithorian in maybe 12 years?”

“Sir?” Cody says, tilting his head to look at the characters more closely. He doesn’t have even a passing proficiency at modern Ithorian, and presumably it’s changed a bit over the millennia. His training was focused on the basics, and only the useful bits, at that. He thinks he can make out the words for ‘ water ’, and ‘ enemy’ , both of which are either unhelpfully descriptive or frankly discouraging, but that’s about the extent of it.

“My old master - he loved prophecies. When I was a teenager I could never see the point of it, but it meant I spent a lot of time learning the old Ithorian dialects. They’re known as the most peaceful species, did you know?” Obi-Wan shakes his head. “They’ll exile anyone violent, it’s quite remarkable, really. I suppose in some sort of idealistic emulation, a lot of the early Jedi texts are written in their dialect.”

His blue eyes are keen, his laser sharp focus firmly on the podium. It gives Cody a moment to observe his clever fingers, the long line of his neck, the open delight with which he tackles this new problem. It’s a rare thing, to see him so relaxed, and Cody can’t help the fond smile that creeps up on him despite the circumstances. This almost makes it worth it, and on reflection, he’d rather an ancient temple than the last thing that had made Obi-Wan so happy; a wretched, bioluminescent fungus, which had infected half the battalion and given them hives. Their general had studied it for weeks.

Obi-Wan’s lips quirk up. Cody barely trusts himself to speak.

“I didn’t know, Sir,” Cody croaks, then pauses, fishing for something normal to say. “Didn’t we have to defend the governor’s daughter from an Ithorian bounty hunter on Ganaris-IV?”

“Well,” Obi-Wan grins. “Those exiles have to go somewhere, don’t they?”

Cody huffs a laugh and reaches up to scratch his neck at the seam of his bucket.

“Let’s just hope they didn’t all come here. What’s this riddle, then?”

Obi-Wan shifts to the side, then points at a spot on the podium. “As I said, it’s been a long time, but I think it starts here, and goes something like:

A thing to be forged, where water is thicker,

Worth more than gold, unless it’s pyrite that glitters.

An enemy of my enemy, or in hard times, in need,

Sometimes fair-weather, or in high places indeed.

What are you, traveller? ”

All of Cody’s hopes that it would be something nice and obvious, like “lightsaber” or, given what’s going on around them, “gravity”, escape from him like smoke. Jedi and their metaphors. It’s not just a quirk of Obi-Wan’s, clearly.

“Does that mean anything to you, Sir?” he asks, turning the words over in his head once, twice, then frowning when nothing comes immediately.

Obi-Wan’s brow is also furrowed, but in a leisurely, meditative manner.

“...I have some ideas, I think,” he says. “How about you, my friend?”

What does he think? He thinks that there are other sorts of puzzles he is much better suited to. Word play and idioms...what does a clone have to offer that?

Still, Obi-Wan is watching him, expectant and gentle, and he sifts back through the lines, a little more seriously this time.

“Ice, maybe?”

Obi-Wan nods, slowly. “Perhaps. Walk me through it.”

Cody swallows. “Ice is something that can be made, right? It’s not exactly forged, but…”

He trails off in uncertainty.

“Go on,” Obi-Wan says with another one of those soft, devastating smiles. It fractures all the thoughts in Cody’s head, and he has to stop, clear his throat and gather up all the pieces.

“I suppose...it’s just thicker water, isn’t it? On warm planets it’s a valuable commodity, it’s found in high places, and I suppose if you wanted snow, a freeze would be fair weather.”

Obi-Wan is rubbing his beard again, and he’s still smiling. “Fascinating. I would never have thought of that...only, I don’t think it’s quite there. That mention of pyrite is troublesome, and the ‘enemy of my enemy’, where does that fit in?”

Cody shrugs his shoulders, frustrated, and feels a hot flush creep up his neck. “Don’t know why you’re asking me, to be honest, Sir. Kamino hardly covered poetry.”

There’s a slight pause, then Obi-Wan’s hand is on his again, tugging it slowly down from where he’s crossed his arms.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” he says, soft.

“Do what?” Cody’s voice is gruff.

“Dismiss yourself. You do it sometimes when we’re reading together. There is often no right and wrong answer to these things, no secret. There is only perspective, and you see things I never would, if only you would trust yourself.”

Cody looks down and away, back towards the waterfalls and their slow, glacial climb. He isn’t sure that’s true. He enjoys what Obi-Wan shares with him, what other lives he gets to touch in their books, but more than anything they convince him that, beyond war, he knows very little of anything at all. He would like to, someday.

His eyes land on Obi-Wan’s lips briefly, before he tears them away. Particular experiences he would like to know more than others.

There was one book that Obi-Wan had read early on, back when this infatuation was just setting its first tendrils into him, about a forbidden romance at the heart of the old Mandalorian court. Two heirs of rival clans battling to be together against the good approval of their noble relatives. It had been torrid, ridiculous and entirely unexpected when Obi-Wan had suggested they break up their reports with some literature.

But what it had done was give him the words to express the crawling heat in his stomach, the urge he has to reach out, to touch, to soothe, to care for. He’d known what he wanted before that, of course, in a more rudimentary manner, but it had gifted him the language of yearning.

Suddenly, a particular passage springs into his mind and he straightens.

“You don’t think it could mean ally, do you? In Beneath the Armour, Mata threatens Clan Riza by saying he has ‘allies in high places’.”

Obi-Wan pauses, and then a brilliant smile spreads over his face. “Yes, that’s it! Pyrite - Fool’s Gold; a false friend! Brilliant Cody, whatever made you think of that?”

Cody grins, even though Obi-Wan can’t see it, and doesn’t answer.

“Is that really it?”

“I think you’re very close,” Obi-Wan says. “The characters engraved into the platform...yes! Stand close to me, Commander.”

Cody does, watching curiously as Obi-Wan lifts his hands, shuts his eyes, frowns, and pushes . Six blocks that make up the platform lift, the characters on each glowing bright, lurid blue. Under their feet, something scrapes, shifts and clunks, before the platform lurches upwards, spinning gently.

There’s a thunderous gurgling sound, before all of the pool beneath drains away.

“The answer,” Obi-Wan says, slightly breathless, his hair a little out of place. “Was friend.”

“The doorways are still blocked,” Cody notes drily. The plinth with the blue orb that started this whole mess has also risen, and underneath it are a set of very wet, slimy looking steps. “I don’t suppose it’s as simple as just walking down these and getting in?”

“Likely not,” Obi-Wan agrees, then inexplicably shifts a little closer, so that they are sharing space. Cody’s heart skips a beat. “But it’s like I told you, Cody. You are far greater than what you have been given.”

Cody coughs and looks at his feet, at their boots almost toe to toe, pleasure at the praise singing low through his body.

“Now,” Obi-Wan says, too close and not close enough. “How do you feel about another puzzle?”

Cody groans, laughing, and after a moment, follows his General into the dark.

#codywanweek2021 #codywan #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #alderwrites #i would tag this jedi culture but i literally pulled this out of my ass #there is absolutely no basis in canon here #only vibes #the clone wars #star wars #codywan week 2021

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