Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

i personally have an internal monologue, and while i can "see" words/images in my head, my default thoughts are all audio...it sounds like i'm saying them out loud in my head (i have to consciously try to "see" things i'm thinking about)

The way I completely lose all interest in Lawlight as a ship if Light isn't Kira. And frankly, I feel like L would agree with me on this one. I don't think he'd gaf abt Light in the slightest if Light wasn't Mr. Serial Killer.

Kieran Culkin on Roman's playboy image and the way the actors/writers understanding of backstory fits together. (x)

yamato: i’m not like kakashi.  i’m not gonna “take care” of you.  we can’t allow ourselves compassion

the kids, after yamato saves their lives, buys them dinner, builds them a mansion, and tucks them into bed: sounds fake but okay

Ive actually been trying so hard at trying to figure out why people think qphil doesn’t care about qtubbo, and I mean specifically care nothing else. Cause you can argue tubbo’s not one of his most important people that’s fair, but also you don’t have to be at the top of a list for them to care. It’d also be really hard to argue that he doesn’t trust tubbo, and in that same vein not respect him at all. Their relationship is very complicated, and it is true that it’s way more onesided than people like to admit, but it’s not like Phil has just shown Tubbo zero attention or love. My best guess so far from all I’ve seen it’s because Phil fundamentally doesn’t understand who Tubbo is as a person, and has this very shallow view of him. So people have taken Phil’s mischaracterization of Tubbo as a sign that he doesn’t actually care for the real Tubbo? Idk I like to figure out how fandoms think… (oh also if you have your own ideas why just like tell me I’d love to know)

just learned what the orange peel theory is off the clock app and now I'm sobbing thinking about this scenario with namivivi.

Nami asking Vivi if she could peel her one of her tangerines and at first she is confused, because Nami is quite protective of her tangerines and prefers to oversee their upkeep herself. But she does so anyway, peeling it and picking off the pith, honoured at a personal show of trust from her. and Nami watching her with so much love in her heart, looking at her as if Vivi is cradling the organ in her own hands. She's such a fiercely independence person but to see this other girl, this princess, place the peeled tangerine in her hand with a smile on her face makes her think that maybe letting her so fast in wasn't such a bad idea after all.

2023 reads

The Deep Sky

scifi mystery thriller

on a deep space mission traveling from an environmentally devastated earth with hope to restart humanity elsewhere

when they’re halfway, an explosion kills 3 crew and pushes them off course

the only witness is the Alternate who has no specific role, and she has to figure out who caused it & if they might continue to sabotage, while they're figuring out a way to get back on course with limited resources

flips between present and the past: of her childhood and training for the mission, her identity struggles, and relationship with her mother

questions the ethics of ‘restarting’ humanity elsewhere vs putting resources into fixing earth

Do you know anything about the distinction between Hypergryph and Gryphline?

Hypergryph is the developer, and the publisher of Arknights is Yostar.

Gryphline is Hypergryph's new international publishing arm, which they're using to publish HG's new games under their own label. So Arknights: Endfield, Popucom, and Ex Astris won't be published by Yostar, but by Gryphline.

The other day I was rewatching Hollowtone’s vod on Psychonauts 2, which is fun because of the chat overlay. And there’s the part where you can open the powers menu and see all the nice embroidered badges and the nice signatures of the teachers that gave you them…. except Sasha’s. And this makes sense, he wasn’t authorized to teach Raz psi-blast, so it would be really bad if he’s showing off his cool badges on his bag and someone sees Sasha’s signature. So Ford signed off on the marksmanship badge. But the chat in the vod is coming up with hilarious reasons why Sasha didn’t/couldn’t sign off on it, my favorites being:

“He’s only capable of of writing in Times New Roman”

“His handwriting is bad, toddler/doctor level”

“Sasha writes exclusively in latin”

“He actually can’t write”

“He uses telekinesis for everything, if he touches a pen he instantly dies”

And I was thinking about how ridiculous they were, but when I actually think about it… is there ever a proven time he actually writes something down? Like with his hands?

He’s living in a time period where typewriters existed, and in the current time, computers do, and therefore printers… And in one of the promotional comics he’s not even using his hands to eat with a fork, he just uses his powers. He uses telekinesis for most things actually. I don’t find it out of the realm of possibility of just using telekinesis to write things down. And then, I guess he’d never actually have need to learn to do it with his hands…

Maybe Sasha can’t write.

The thing about the fandom headcanon that calls Pharma Ratchet's crazy ex and treats him like some sort of stalker or intrusion on Ratchet's love life (usually with Drift) is that

On one level, it's already annoying when a perfectly fine/interesting character is reduced to nothing but "bitter ex getting in the way of The Actual OTP" because it simplifies the character to only exist as a satellite to someone's ship (the bitter loser who can't let go/doesn't deserve person A/etc) instead of having their own life going on.

But when it comes to Pharma it's particularly annoying because it reduces Pharma to "the crazy stalker/bitter ex", framing Pharma as if he's the villain ruining Ratchet's life with his inability to just let go,

When in actual canon it was Ratchet who was best friends with Pharma their whole life (they're even shown together in the Functionist Universe). Ratchet who ditched Pharma with barely a word of goodbye (before Delphi, and ironically the same conversation where Pharma asked Ratchet if he should accept the station at Delphi). And it was Ratchet who asked Drift if he was scared of going into DJD territory as an ex-Decepticon, but treated Pharma like scum for killing patients under threat of being murdered by the DJD. And Ratchet who stole Pharma's hands. And Ratchet who tried to manipulate Pharma by using his deepest insecurities against him on Luna-1.

It's not like Pharma is some rando who Ratchet barely knew. They were BEST FRIENDS whose friendship was severed on a really messy note. Pharma has every right to be invested in a relationship/friendship that almost literally lasted he and Ratchet's entire life. It sucks when people implicitly treat Pharma as if he's obsessed and should just move on when the reality is that it was Ratchet who first terminated their relationship with no explanation or even a goodbye (pre Delphi) and then with leaving Pharma to die and then stealing his hands (post-Delphi). So is Pharma really "obsessed" or is he just understandably upset about being betrayed by the person who should've known and cared about him the most?

So like, it's really annoying when Ratchet has so many flaws in canon and questionable ways he treated Pharma, but the fandom just calls Pharma a crazy stalker ex as if Pharma is the freak who's overreacting and mentally insane while Ratchet is just some guy who was only minding his own business. To me it's not even a matter of shipping, it's just the fact that Ratchet DID handle his relationship with Pharma super fucking poorly. And I really wish more people in the fandom acknowledged that instead of framing Pharma as the evil/crazy/overly attached one for being upset about being ditched. Pharma has reasons to be pissed off and driven to get revenge on Ratchet, and even if his romantic feelings towards Ratchet might play somewhat of a role, Pharma is way more than just some stalker ex who's evil because he's crazy and wants Ratchet to be his boyfriend.

I mean Pharma literally says on the page that the reasons he's angry at Ratchet are for ruining his plans at Delphi and for stealing his hands. Even though Pharma-as-Adaptus orders Drift shot later in LL, it's not explicitly framed as some romantic jealousy and could also just as easily be construed as Pharma getting revenge for Drift cutting his hands off. I don't think Pharma ever even talks about or mentions Drift in the entire story. It's very clear that Pharma's beef/obsession with Ratchet is entirely between him and Ratchet and Drift is only a footnote in all of the reasons Pharma is pissed off.

Boy, I sure hope everyone complaining about main character Imogen also had a problem with Percy, Vax, Fjord, and Caleb

sometimes it drives me literally insane to see romance requests that are like

--I want a romance wherein it's basically the happy epilogue throughout the book

--I want a romance that has great communication and they never withhold anything from each other ever

--no "miscommunication trope"

The last thing is just a general gripe about how so many of the things people say are tropes are not tropes, and it's pedantic and snobby but like. Miscommunication is so broad. It's not a trope. People are miscommunicating. WHAT are they miscommunicating about? Is one of them keeping a secret identity from their partner? Because a secret identity romance iS a trope. Is one of them withholding their feelings out of fear of rejection?

Because people DO miscommunicate. Often writers do write it clumsily. If people miscommunicate for no reason, sure, whatever. But if they miscommunicate BECAUSE of a REASON--like, often it's not even miscommunication lol. It's the hero keeping his dire supernatural secret from his wife because she'll die if she finds out (honestly, valid to me, but whatever). It's the heroine finding it difficult to trust the hero with her heart because her dad left when she was young (maybe cliche in theory, but actually a very real thing that happens).

If all you want is plotless nothing wherein everyone is happy and nobody makes mistakes, I personally have a hard time thinking of it as a book, because there is no story. It's just vibes. And essentially EVERY time, people have to mess up and make mistakes in order for there to be a plot.

I just don't understand the point.

yall need to realize every dunmeshi character is racist okay. its important that you realize this. your fav is not exempt from prejudice. okay.

if netflix makes Luo Ji non-chinese I'm going to throw myself off a fucking cliff