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thoughts-of-ghanashyam · 2 years

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𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔦𝔫𝔫𝔢𝔯 𝔤𝔬𝔬𝔡𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰

When I look into my quite turbulent past, there was hardly a more difficult aspect in my current life than to discover my own "goodness" and to develop an open-hearted self-love.

Especially on the streets, it is extremely difficult to develop love for others when you are always at the mercy of confrontations. In any case, in the past I was firmly convinced that hatred and violence really pursued me - no matter where I went, I was always provoked, looked at askance or physically attacked.

Accordingly, over time I also developed a corresponding attitude - and that although I was per se always a person who preferred to solve conflicts verbally and peacefully, rather than with violence. But when the going got tough - and that was the rule rather than the exception - I was not afraid to use it without compromise - after all, I had been trained in martial arts and knew how to "tackle" certain things. Paradoxically, I have subconsciously always waited for something to happen in this direction, even if my innermost actually resisted.

Similarly, with this development, a dark shadow developed in me, which took over me more and more over the years and caused a growing feeling of worthlessness and a not insignificant amount of self-hatred. Incidentally, this also affected my relationships, which always ended in minor or major disappointments or even disasters. Because the more the shadow grew, the more I tried to hold on to light moments of supposed love. But in the end, almost all of my relationships at that time were of a rather fleeting nature or had a thoroughly toxic character. In the process, I'm sure I hurt a few good souls myself, which in retrospect I'm very sorry about.

But the idea that I was both the receiver and sender of these emotions didn't even occur to me at the time. I was like a magnet that projected my inner attitude outward and attracted correspondingly pronounced equivalents. The classic cause-and-effect principle, also called karma, came into full play here. But instead of changing my attitude and the corresponding actions, I let myself be carried away further and further by this self-produced vortex of negativity.

Developing true love for all living beings

But how can one develop true love for others if one cannot truly love oneself and is always consumed by self-doubt? Even a conscious spiritual path will only be of limited help here if one is not prepared to recognize the good in oneself. I also had to experience this painfully on my own body and soul. Because although the encounter with my first spiritual master and the associated path of Sanatana Dharma and Bhakti Yoga certainly saved my life at that time, I began to understand many elementary aspects of self-love and "inner beauty" of beings only much later.

In general, many people today seem to find it very difficult to believe in their inner goodness and a "noble" character. I don't know where this tendency comes from, which is so extremely strong especially in the western society. Perhaps this is a hidden legacy of Christian original sin and the societies that grew out of it, that we tend to see ourselves as limited and pathetic personalities who are little more than vermin walking the earth!!!?

I really have no idea, but what is certain is that the seed of this attitude has been sown deep in the hearts of many people and is just waiting to germinate and sprout.

But wherever this tendency comes from, it has become so much a part of our flesh and blood that deep down we don't even know how to get along without it. And even if we are superficially convinced that we are self-confident and at peace with ourselves, nowadays a few negative comments on the Internet are enough to shake this supposed self-confidence, at the latest in lonely hours.

But what would happen if we could accept our basic innate goodness and dignity? What would happen if we realized that deep down we are not this fearful and limited being and that we are capable of much more than we might currently believe ourselves capable of? What would happen if we could escape the rampant cynicism in our world to see that we all possess an inner beauty, without exception? It would definitely change our lives radically. Wouldn't it?

Personally, I now firmly believe that this is possible, even if each of us must find our own personal path to freedom and holism.

Accept that there is suffering in this world

First of all, we must accept that there is suffering in the world and that it is inevitable - this includes our own suffering, whether it is shame, depression, fear, desire or hatred. However, nothing in the world has a permanent character, no matter how endless a suffering may seem to us.

The point, then, is to become aware of suffering where its roots lie: in the mind.

The difficulty lies in locating and discovering the roots of suffering without becoming attached to it and lost in it. Things are the way they are and that is how we should learn to accept them for ourselves. This does not mean that we should simply accept injustices of any kind or let malicious, unstable or even violent people hurt us. Quite the contrary. But that is not the point here. Because before we can understand others and their basic actions, we must first get to know ourselves. Because only if we recognize ourselves, we can also recognize the essence of all other beings. If we do not learn to recognize ourselves, our whole life will be like flying blind without instruments.

Discover who you really are - the inner heaven

But who are we actually? What defines us? As I have already written elsewhere, we are not our body and nothing with which we otherwise identify ourselves in our society. Everything we are, or what we think we are, originates in our mind. But what does our mind look like? How can we imagine it? Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, a master of Vajrayana Buddhism, scholar, poet and teacher once said:

"Our whole existence is fleeting like clouds in autumn; Birth and death of beings appear like movements in dance."

This image can also be applied very nicely to the nature, or rather the nature, of our minds. At least, I believe that this is so.

Heaven here stands for our pure awareness, our inner essence, our self, which exists detached from any influences and projections from the material outer world. Heaven is endless, pure and free from any boundaries.

The autumn clouds passing underneath the sky, the rain showers and storms, affect the environment, but the sky itself, remains completely unaffected. This active and constantly changing part is the discursive and analytical part of the mind - our ego. It determines, conditioned by mutual projections from the outside world, what we "want to have or not to have" and is the source of our cognition, self-view as well as of all emotions, which in turn condition our actions. This part of the mind is erratic, grasping, distracting, confusing and constantly in motion - even when we are asleep.

The great spiritual master and guru Ramana Maharshi described this context as follows:

"There is no duality. Its present cognition is based on the ego and is only relative. Such cognition requires a subject and an object, whereas awareness of the Self is absolute and requires no object."

So if we focus exclusively on the storms and clouds and let them carry us away, this can steer us into abysses from which we may never be able to get out. Such a path can, in the worst case, cause us to develop consistently negative to evil traits and deny us a view of heaven for a lifetime or beyond.

If, on the other hand, we learn, at least from time to time, to be able to take a look at the endless sky, this will also help us to uncover our actual "inner goodness" piece by piece. The more we succeed in this, the more we recognize the boundless beauty in ourselves - and with a little practice also that in every other living being. Because in the end we are all inseparably connected with all living beings of this world.

The sun behind the clouds

Speaking of sky and clouds - where has the sun gone in this effigy? I am truly no philosopher and even less I am a spiritual master. Accordingly, my thoughts and lines are certainly anything but perfect - apart from the fact that there is no perfection in the material world. But within the framework of my humble and simple thoughts, I believe that the sun shines in every "inner sky"...no matter how many autumn clouds darken the sky - whether by day or by night.

Just as the sky remains untouched by the clouds and storms, so does the sun. Sun and sky are always existent and interwoven with each other, but without a clear touch. Despite everything, the sun is THE central point in our small universe. Its rays and particles touch everything earthly and supernatural. It stands for the Absolute Truth and is the source of all life.

Buddhists would call it most likely the Buddha nature. Hindus as Vishnu, Brahman or Krishna, Christians as God and Muslims as Allah. But even as an atheist, one will come to a point where one cannot deny an absolute truth that pervades and determines our existence in one way or another.

The way to recognize the inner beauty and goodness would be to cultivate the ability to look through the autumn clouds to the endless sky.

Of course, this is not an easy path, and unfortunately there is no shortcut - at least I haven't found one...I am still in the middle of the path myself and therefore still relatively at the beginning. But as the saying goes, "the path is the goal" and this requires quite a bit of courage...because nothing can have as many abysmal depths as the supposed self.

A fundamental key is to develop equanimity and mindfulness...for oneself and for one's environment.

Meditation is the key

Meditation can be a great support in this, observing said clouds and storms. First from a distance, then bit by bit up close and then from changing perspectives. First we greet them, then we get to know them, then we accept them and at some point we let them move on. In these moments we will always have a brief glimpse of the endless sky.

What sounds so abstract becomes easier each time, even if it seems almost impossible at first. But with the awareness that the sky is always present behind the clouds and that the warming sun is also there, makes this process more bearable.

Which kind of meditation is the right one, every person has to find out for himself.

I myself explore my heaven (mind) with the help of Metta and Vipassana meditation, among view other things. On this way I learn bit by bit to develop more love and compassion for others as well as for myself. At the same time the Vipassana practice helps me to overcome the suffering (Dukkha) caused by "not seeing" (Avija) and delusion (Kilesa).

On the other hand, I cultivate the contact to the all-pervading sun with Bhakti Yoga and my love for Krishna. But this is only my modest and very personal way. As I said, every person has to find his own way.

More spiritual science than religion

It does not need any religious affiliation to discover the inner beauty and goodness, because especially the Buddhist spiritual training works detached from such aspects. But also the classical Vedic wisdoms and the path of Sanatana Dharma see themselves more as spiritual science than a classical religious culture, because the search for oneself is nothing else than the search for God and vice versa.

Help for these paths is available in various meditation centers as well as in Hindu or Buddhist temples. Many offers are free of charge or on donation basis, so that one has nothing to lose, but much to gain.

Be brave and discover your inner goodness

So be brave and take the first step to discover your self and your inner beauty.

There is a beautiful quote about this from Thomas Merton, a former Trappist, writer and mystic:

"Then I felt as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their heart, the whole depth of their heart into which never a ray of sin, of desire, of self-assurance reaches, the core of their reality, the man each is in the face of the Divine. If only they could see themselves as they really are. If only we could always see each other in this way. Then there would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed.... I suppose then our biggest problem would be that we would all fall on our knees before each other and worship each other."

Thank you for your attention - may all beings experience happiness - including yourself.

Om Tat Sat.

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