#im not actually gonna tag this for people to find. i just wanted to vent. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

klarion-the-witch-boy · 6 months

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I'm exhausted by the one (1) piece of hate I saw for the Loki series.

You don't have to like it, but don't trash the writers and team?? They worked hard on it and I support them like I support very few MCU things rn. They did good work and tbh it really fucking shows. Fr.

And Tom Hiddleston gave fuckin Loki seminars to get them all on the same page about the character. That's so cool. I want a Loki seminars from Prof. Hiddleston.

Anyway, if you hate D+ Loki, I'd honestly be really grateful if you blocked me, since then neither of us would have to come upon each other. I'm only half-joking.

#im not actually gonna tag this for people to find. i just wanted to vent.#out of context shit #(thats my me tag)

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hibiscusfairys · 9 months

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🐞 draco malfoy ; unrequited love, part 5 (hufflepuff fem reader)

♪ a lots gonna change : weyes blood

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

♡ warnings: angst

tagged: @miawastakens @watercolorskyy @pinkynecktie

also to the last person who requested to be tagged, im so sorry but i cant seem to find your blog when i try to tag it :(

by the way a reference to the last chapter, i realised adrian pucey is two years older than harrys year, so for the sake of it not being weird just pretend he was a year older than us

☆

You cried all night.

You didn’t know if whether you had swayed him, or distanced him from you even more. Each passing thought that involved him had only provoked your yearning tears. By the end of the long evening, your pillow was wet with the heartbreak and sadness you wept for him.

You were stupid enough to believe he was for you. The muggleborn girl and the pureblooded boy with a family full of blood supremacists which he was surely influenced from — yeah, right. What a foolish imagination you must have.

Dawn had rolled around, and your quiet sobs had eventually stopped and morphed into your sleep. The bright light of the sun shone through the fogged window, reflecting onto your hair. Your yellow duvet covers were spread everywhere, and the mascara you had worn from the ball before had stained your pillow like watery, black ink.

You rose up from your slumber, increasingly light headed from all the thinking you had been doing all night. It was time to finally get on with your life, and leave this all behind. Your feelings for him would have to disappear, soon enough.

Your ball dress was still on, and was crumpled from the action of tossing and turning restlessly in your bed.

A letter was positioned unknowingly on the windowsill. You noticed that the window door was open, the cold air hitting your face like a vent. You saw that a midnight feathered owl with amber eyes as bright as streetlights perched on the sill, looking at you with its pupils dilating.

Eagerly, you opened the letter, hoping it to be from your parents. They had only just figured out how to use the owl. But the envelope looked too classy, too posh even. Nothing like the basic white envelopes you’d usually see.

It had a certain family emblem on the black seal.

Ripping the top of the envelope, you lifted the mysterious letter from the pocket. You had almost instantly recognised the handwriting, as you had seen it in your potions class not too long ago. It was Malfoy’s.

The words were carefully carved with ink on the parchment, and ink smudges seemed to be far less of a problem for him to prevent than it was for you. Using a quill and proper ink was still something to get used to, even if it had been 4 years. You anxiously let your eyes scan the page, a lump forming in your hoarse throat from all the sobbing. To….

I apologise for my previous behaviour last night

I understand that I may have upset you. This is quite new to me actually. I’m too wrapped up in myself to recognise others problems, if I am being honest.

However, while I still stand by what I said about us not working out, I do want to create a compromise with you. And before you ask, I’ve dealt with Astoria. It was entirely difficult for me to tell her. And to be honest, I am feeling quite down. But I’m still so confused on where my heart is leading and I don’t want to lead her on either. She’s one of the only people I care about. Except for my family and some others which I won’t name.

If you are so desperate, it will have to be a hidden secret between us. If I ever eventually decide to let myself love you, while the guilt might weigh heavily on me, I am not afraid of it. It is quite dismaying knowing that you aren’t a pure-blood like I am, but I want to learn to be more tolerant at least. And I’ll try to be more open. But don’t let a word slip out. I’m sorry if I am asking much. I should really not ask you of anything, but I can’t help it. I’m still adjusting to this. I thought it would be so easy, love. But it’s not. Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people. But I don’t want to label you as wrong. Rather — unexpected. My family will surely be disappointed, so it’s why I’m so hesitant. But it’s a risk I am willing to take for my heart to finally be at rest. It has been tugging on me for weeks.

Do answer me later. Moreover, maybe I can explain it to you better in person.

Draco Malfoy

You saw your tears melt onto the paper. Different emotions poured through you like a rainfall, you felt excited and happy, but also unnerved. It disappointed you that he couldn’t accept you in the first place.

You found out your quill and a pot of ink.

To Malfoy,

Thank you for your letter. I am glad that you’ve explained to me your feelings. Sometimes writing it down makes everything better.

But please, do accept me as I am. I don’t want to pressure you into doing something you won’t find comfort in. Plus, it would put me in danger too. I don’t know what your family is like, but I don’t want to entrust them just yet.

However, I do feel similarly. Maybe we could try it.

I’d be glad to keep it a secret for you.

From…

You finally signed your name in one swoop of your quill.

“Hopefully..” You say to yourself, handing the addressed envelope to the messenger owl.

☆

thank you all so much for reading this fic, i appreciate all the support youve given me so much and im excited to write more future ones for you soon ♡

also im sorry if the ending seems quite rushed, i had no idea what to do and i didnt want to keep anyone waiting too long :( ill try to improve on this in the future and hopefully, not pressure myself too much with releasing chapters

#harry potter #harry potter fic #draco x reader #angst #draco angst #draco imagine #draco malfoy angst #draco x female reader #draco x hufflepuff!reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco x muggleborn!reader #draco x muggleborn

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sad-leon · 9 months

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Hello! I hope you're having a good day!

So many people in my life seem to be going through something right now, and I just wanted to give you an opportunity to share anything you might be going through. Good or bad, as specific or as vague as you're comfortable with. Or feel free to ignore if you'd rather not. No pressure at all!

I hope things are going well for you! But if not, I'll be sending prayers your way if you're comfortable with that!

I am... not.

and i haven't for a long time

I'll preface this entire post with a warning: THIS IS A VENT POST the only tags will be trigger warnings

I thinks i've said it once or twice, but I started school this year. This is my first year in college after taking a gap year and also telling everyon i wasnt gonna go. I know jack shit about what im doing and its fucking exhausting. Theres so many things that i feel like I should know but dont because all the college information given out in my highschool was geared toward the college in that town specifically, which is not the college im going to.

I've also moved. im entirely on my own, physically and financially. I just met with my job and am starting very soon which is not good because my sleep schedule is all wrong. I may be switching jobs soon, but i can't just quit becuase, like i said, im on my own.

and those are only the big two. lets speedrun this. my anxiety, my autism, i need new glasses, my feet hurt more than i think they should, im a system, my eating disorder, my aversions that make it hard to drink the water up here, the burnout, the exhaustion, executive dysfunction, i also likely have adhd which mean rsd. im touch starved and touch adverse

those are just what i can think of off the top of my head

but all of this had been leading to what might be a pretty nasty breakdown and soon.

im so fucking tired all the time and that makes it hard to draw, but thats one of my only ways to relax. i like playing mc, but i get bored easily and also i cant sit at my desk for long becuase it feels like my head is too heavy for my neck. it hurts. everything hurts and my job doesnt help me at fucking all.

i was able to draw tsob while dealing with most of my issues becuase all i had to worry about was work. looking at my current schedule, i can find the free time. the issue is using that freetime to draw and not just sleep or dissociate. finding home is very dear to me, but drawing it the way i am can be exhausting and i dont want to start hating it, so i just.. dont draw it most days

i stress constantly about how i appear on my blog becuase i want so badly to do this right. i want to be good at something, like, as a person, not just as an artist. but i hate myself too much to believe in any progress i make.

i know its the rsd mostly but i see groups and i feel gross. its not as bed now (any of you beans that have made it this far, ily /p) becuase i found a community i can actually interact with, but it still comes up, especially because i've moved away from all my irl friends and its so fucking hard for me to make them in the first place. like.. actual friends, not just people i can work with at school

if i keep going i'll probably talk myself in circles, so ill stop it here. theres a lot more but im not going to ramble about my suicidal, intrusive, or sh thoughts on this blog. this is a post to inform you guys of the state of mind im in. im lonely and sad and its all building up to a massive breakdown.

im not going to be leaving tumblr or giving up on my comic, but i probalby wont update as often as i did tsob. i just dont have the energy.

i also will probably post some of my traditional art cuz i gotta fill up a sketchbook for my animation class, so that also takes away from the time i use to draw digitally.

im so tired

#vent post #tw vent #long post #tw exhaustion #tw burnout

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stargazer0001 · 11 months

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(art from above is by @/sleepinginmute.)

Hello everyone! I’m Stargazer0001! But you can just call me Star :3

my pronouns are she/they/he/it/astro in no particular order. I like em all so use them interchangeably

I'm your local lil space critter, who has declared themself the CEO of the rainworld ship Stargazer (spearmaster x rivulet x nightcat)

I'm a silly littol spacegender fellar :3 How can I be lesbian and spacegender at the same time you ask? Fuck you thats how!/j Im also asexual so no NSFW please! This blog is meant to be at least a bit more kid friendly, even if there are more mature topics

I am also a furry so if you do not like them then please leave here

I am also questioning if I am a therian and fictionkin. I have done research on both and I am now taking them into consideration. Im not gonna label myself yet because I still might not be, but if anyone has helpful info on them then please do share :)

I have a secret draw box! if you wanna draw for me anonymously, you can go here to do it! I check every couple days.

Ask box: Open

Ship requests: closed. Uhhh i frogor to update this for a while so uh yeagh.

Ask me stuff: Always open unless the ask box is closed

Tell me silly things: Yes I want to talk to people!! Please give me silly asks i need them....

art requests: not open sorry :( artblock is blocking my art so

I wanna make my blog more organized now so I am going to start tagging stuff

#my art Art that is made by me

#Art request anytime my art requests are open I will tag it with this

#ask An ask that I have answered, this also applies to anon asks

#Star.TXT document this is for anytime I am just talking

#vent this if for anytime I just need to talk and vent about stuff

#lil starz art this is for my really old art, such as the ones near the beginning of my Tumblr journey

#Silly chat this is me and my mutuals little chats! Like if they send a lighthearted friend ask I will tag it with silly chat

IF YOU DONT WANNA SEE A CERTAIN TAG THEN FILTER IT

I rarely block people but I still will on occasion. Please don't take any hard feelings if I do block you.

Basic DNI such as NSFW blogs, homophobes, transphobes, fatphobes, racists, antifurries and antitherians, and zionists

Cool moots who you should go check out if you like my blog:

@critter2: My IRL bestie that ive been with for a long time. We've been together through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. The bestie ever :3

@cookieeevee: An amazing friend! The first person to ever really DM me on here and I'd like to say that we've grown to be good friends. We have amazing little chats and she's an amazing person! Their art is also so soft and squishable! Go check em out

@sleepinginmute: one of my first moots! Such an amazing and silly creature. Its art is amazing, and even though im unsure if it considers me a friend, I know that I do. I really do wish the best for it and I hope that it can be truly happy someday

@cumulusbrume: we dont interact very often anymore, but I still find him a great moot to this day

@athofear: I fun lil fello!! Always a fun time interacting with em. Their art is also superrr shaped and silly!! Always a treat to see them on my dash

@meowyncherry: we dont interact much but he gave me the kinitopet brainrot and their art is also super blorbo so :3

@suburbandrifts: once again, we dont interact very often but they seem very cool and silly/pos and their art is incredibly good! mm the colors are coloring/pos @weeeeblr:!!! The art ever actually!!! Idk how we're mutuals cause hes super cool actually. Great art, and his designs for basically everything is peak/srs

@bananacat76: the bestie does indeed make art!!! And said art is amazing!! Such a cool person and fren :3 their style is also incredibly interesting I need to study it under a microscope/aff

@keeper-of-magic:!!! Cool person alert!!! Their art is amazing and their worldbuiding skills are super awesome!!! I also gotta try and play DND with them sometime.... I have no idea how to but it seems fun, just like them!

@badgerfrost: the silly ever!!! Its art is very well colored and its basically eye candy at this point, and ever time we interact I KNOW its gonna be a goood time

@draagu: ohhhh the silly!!! We dont interact much but shes a super cool moot and idk how we're mutuals like. ??? awesome person with awesome art FOLLOWED ME????? Awesome

@dazzoot: we have interacted a total of like 1 time but cool mutual deserves an honorary tag

GO CHECK ALL OF THESE SILLY PPL OUT!!! THEY'RE AWESOME :333 (if I forgor anyone i am so sorry. Also if you want me to untag you just ask. I dont wanna make anyone uncomfy)

Talking to people spooks me

I have anxiety so please be patient with me, I usually overthink what I am going to say and then end up saying something either really stupid, kinda weird, or I just don't respond.

I am mentally a 5 year old so please inform me if I did something wrong, I usually wont notice or I will think its not an issue. Please be patient with me.

if you sat through all of that, congrats! You get rw gifs now :)

#Intro #rainworld #rainworld downpour #rw shipping #hiii #tag navigation ->#my art #Art request #ask #Star.TXT document #vent #lil starz art

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davepetea · 2 months

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((just ranting abt writing fanfics you can ignore me lmao. I'm just in a weird place atm but I'm feeling kinda passionate abt writing rn so I'm gonna vent

originally I wrote a lil of this in the tags but then decided to just chuck it under a readmore so people aren't subjected to it against their will. then it got really long.

I'm not actually expecting anyone to read this im just sorta venting to myself. it helps me get my thoughts sorted if I write them down. I can also look back through my #.vat file tag in a few years from now and hopefully be like "wow I'm doing so much better than THAT now", so if that's the case, hi future Vatta! I hope you're having a good day. and if you're not future me, then I still hope you're having a good day, I love you, and this is your chance to turn back bc my rants are boring and LONG

(not turning back yet? ok. your funeral)

so, I haven't been online much bc I've just been in a weird limbo lately and I'm really busy when I'm at home either sorting stuff out or, with my PDA, doing anything I can to avoid my responsibilities lmao

I've been rereading my Tokyo ghoul light novels (I only have Void and Days ? I think they're called), rewatching Zankyou no Terror, and Bungou Stray Dogs (plus the live action Beast film which was? hilarious but I don't think it was supposed to be), and just suffering lmao

(you're still here? wow. you need a hobby. jk. ily)

I've been locked out of the systems at work for a bit, but I still need to be there and wait for the IT ticket to be sorted, so I've gotta be at my desk, cant have my phone or anything, so instead of sitting there doing nothing, I've either been reading, doing codeword puzzles, or I've been writing up 'drafts' for potential fanfics.

in this year of our sufferer 2024. I've been writing up some self indulgent homestuck college AU lmao. I've written over 60 sides of a5, (not inc the inbetween sections where I wrote some stuff on the chromebook at home) some notes, some accidental first draft, bc I wanted something to take up the time. but my handwriting is terrible, I don't write fast enough for my brain, I have a lil dyslexia so the letters and words get jumbled sometimes, and I have this weird thing where I don't do spaces right. but I've been trying to upload it to Google docs with Bixby's photo text extraction. it's pretty good considering how bad my writing is, then I just need to go through and touch it up, the main issues are things like names, there's some letters I do weird like my v turns into an r, or every p it thinks is a capital, but overall. amazing how technology do that.

(see my long ass rambling isn't just confined to venting. I also pretend to write actual things. you can still leave you know. I'm not holding you hostage until you read all this. you have free will)

can't remember how I ended up back in fanfic hell but I read back through like all my old published fics (aside from the cringe ones I orphaned) and the writing isn't terrible. I don't think I actually finished any of them though, which really shows my true nature lmao,,, but I've picked up a few things on my writing style now. and I've got a few things I see other people do that I wanna avoid bc I personally don't like it, and it's mostly about balance, like using names too often/not enough, being too descriptive like All The Time and making the writing really nice, but not much happens in the story so you take like an hour to read each scene, vs not enough description so everything is happening but you don't really get a visual or a breather to appreciate what's happened so far. I've been working on finding my right balance, which is imo easier if you're writing fanfic bc first up you hardly ever have to describe the characters. if someone's reading it they already know who they are. and for scenes you can take some inspo from the source material. does the original work put alot of effort into setting a cool scene? if not, then you don't have to either! if it's 90% scenery then you've gotta do it too I don't make the rules

I'm losing steam now I'm so sleepy and I've gotta go to work in a bit ugh.

(bet you're sleepy reading this too huh. told you it'd be boring)

I've been thinking about trying out writing some BSD fics but on an anonym not linked to my main Ao3, bc the themes are doozys and I kinda just wanna have the freedom of anonymity. also I'm a baby and if someone publicly criticises my stuff without it being a requested critique then it makes me bleh (I've had a few comments in the past of just general negatives, not even constructive feedback, not that I asked for any anyway...), but the abilities are tricky to write for, so it's effort lol

anyway I'm gonna stop now ive gotta get ready for work

(if you actually read this then thanks for going on this emotion deep dive with me. tune in next week when we'll get back to my usual mental breakdown)

#ooc post.#.vat file #genuinely I haven't been online on any blogs lately bc I'm doing. v bad. mental wise.#/rant off

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anti-endo-haven · 2 months

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not exactly sure how to trigger tag this so tldr: venting about an ex friend who fakeclaimed me and a therapist i used to have who didnt really help me and kinda did the opposite (probably not on purpose, but it still kinds fucked some things up for me)

----

thinking about the times ive talked about the possibility of having did with an old online friend of mine (who was a singlet) and they never believed me. i did so much research and trying to open up about it but when they told me i should stop it felt like everything i knew had fallen apart and was different

back then i remember before i told him about it i actually had known about some alters i had, they had actual names and personalities and even innerworld features. i remember one of them was a little kid with blonde hair and a pink dress and a black cat hat (exactly like a hat i used to have irl) i havent seen her around anywhere in a couple years sadly, since my friend told me i was faking. i wish she was around longer because she seemed really sweet. i think she went dormant bc of the stress our friend had put us through

i remember i had what i assume was a full switch to her which is why i wanted to talk to someone about it but the online friend i had at the time would constantly fakeclaim me and say things like "you cant be a system if youre under the age of 20" (even though... systems usually develop before the age of 10) and "youre faking because your typing is weird" (this alter was a little, a fucking child, so of course her grammar wasnt gonna be perfect) i literally remember switching to her as me and this person were talking and they still thought i was faking because "you just learned about this disorder and now youre acting like you have it" (maybe because.. ive had it for so long that when i finally found the words that have helped me describe it im trying to embrace it and learn to heal. maybe because for most of my childhood i felt like something deep inside me was wrong and broken and when i found out about did things suddenly started clicking for me)

even my therapist at the time didnt even try to figure out why i thought i had such a serious disorder, she just immediately dismissed it when i brought it up with her. i find it a bit funny though because before i brought up did with her she had told me i probably have *some kind* of dissociative disorder (she never specified) and she even gave me meds for it (which honestly made it worse, i can only remember like one thing from that time period and it was someone telling me "my energy felt off") while i dont think a therapist should always immediately agree with their patient when it comes to trying to diagnose something i think they should try to help them figure out if what theyre suspecting is truly what they are dealing with or if its something else, ykwim?

----

im so sorry for this being so long :( i didnt mean for it to be but it still ended up being a whole essay .. anyway this is my first time posting to this blog so hi !

id like to claim an anon tag, would 🌌🕹️ or tsc/the stardust crusaders be okay?

That ex-friend is wild… You can absolutely be a system under the age of 20, I’ve seen 14 year olds get an official diagnosis and be able to get some help/support for it. Not a lot of people might know about it until they’re older especially in therapy because they have to cross bases and make sure it isn’t something else. And even if someone does months/years of research, they might not fully know or be questioning for a while.

Some people also accept it faster than others. That doesn’t make them fake either. For us, we had started questioning when we were around 19, doing research and everything to help out and going to different sources, we’re now 20 and a little bit past the “I’m fake” self-doubt (imposter syndrome) and doing what we can to function.

Your therapist should have absolutely made sure to cross bases. I’m not saying that in like a bad way. But the medication pushing just… isn’t it. That seems really strange to me to just agree, not ask questions on why, and just give medication out like that…

But you guys aren’t fake, that friend is gone, hopefully that therapist, too. I hope you all are doing better!

And, yep! You can claim all of those!

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drizzileiscool · 7 months

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new pinned new pinned new pinned

yo!! welcome to my blog!!

I'm just a regular drizzile. nothing out of the ordinary. no eebydeeby stuff going on here I was never a human to begin with (although it is weird that I never remember being a sobble)

My name is Azure, btw! a human who I'm friends with gave me this strange rock thing called azurite and decided to name me after it since I didn't already have a name before meeting her

also the pokedex is a liar I am not smart at all lol

Anyways this is also a drizzile propaganda blog because for some reason people don't like my species. why is that. what is wrong with you humans

but that's not all! this is also an ask blog now (as of october 26th 2023)!!! because I really want to talk to people but find it really hard to start a conversation

Feel free to send an ask about Literally Whatever! as long as it's not nsfw I will answer your ask!!

I'm hoping that this blog will make people realize that us drizziles are indeed cool

ooc/tags/more info under the cut

OOC

hello again thanks for clicking the read more thing

I am the owner of this blog, I go by either drizzile or sig (drizzile is preferred if we aren't twitter mutuals)

fyi, for any irl friends that manage to find this blog, please do not use my real name on here! just call me drizzile or sig instead! I don't like having irl information about me online

I'm bad at talking to other people sorry!! if you want to talk to me then you're either gonna have to @ me or respond to one of my posts

info about Azure:

Azure is a drizzile. I don't think they're good at being a drizzile though /j but they sure as hell are one!

they're basically just me if I were a drizzile. that also applies to the things like gender and pronouns. so both me and Azure are non binary and use any pronouns

the world that Azure lives in is also basically just the real world. only instead of the different continents it's the actual pokemon regions. also yes tpc exists in their universe and so do the pokemon games and anime and other pokemon related media

Azure lives in galar! specifically galar mine 2 (though they occasionally make visits to hulbury, spikemuth, and ballonlea. what are they doing there? I have no idea. they just like the Vibes™ I guess)

Azure has not been outside of galar

And y'know how I mentioned that they don't remember being a sobble? that's because they were born as a drizzile! they haven't actually experienced being a sobble. also they can't evolve for some reason but they don't mind since they don't really want to

They're also a shiny drizzile! But they like to keep that a secret since they think humans will try to catch them if they find out. Feel free to ask about that as well. Make them suffer /j

anyways

TAGS!

these were all created before I gave azure a name and it was still Drizzile and im too lazy to change these to say azure instead of drizzile

not drizzile - things that are ooc (as well as things that aren't drizziles)

probably drizzile but not at the same time - posts that are both in character and ooc because this happens alot for some reason. feel free to interact as either in character or ooc, either is fine

ideas of drizzile - some ideas I have that I think could be really cool

drizzile tagging tag - the tag I use when I create a new tag. ironically this tag wasn't created by me lol. created by thatoneguy031 (sorry I'm too shy to actually tag you lol)

drizzile is liveblogging - liveblogging random stuff, such as games and anime. will probably clog up your dash

azure lore - random lore/facts about azure

hey future drizzile you should draw this - things I want to draw but currently can't due to my drawing abilities and time

tw suggestive - suggestive or slightly nsfw posts. feel free to blacklist this tag if you don't like seeing that kind of stuff

important - things that are important to this account, like announcements

vent - self explanatory I think. all vents are ooc if I ever forget to tag one as ooc or just don't feel like tagging it btw

LINKS

carrd (has more info about me)

twitter (currently private but will gladly accept follow requests)

this is the end of the pinned post

if anyone wants to talk to me, feel free to add me on discord @ sigpuyopuyo

#//i suck at social interaction sorry if it takes forever to ask/reply to something #pin #pinned post #pokemon #drizzile #pkmn irl #ask blog

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marshmellowtea · 2 years

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hey, sorry, i did read ur bio but im..... unclear what u mean specifically by "anti anti" and "pro ship/pro fiction"? sorry, the terms get thrown around a lot and its made me unclear what ppl mean when they use them since its used in such drastically different contexts. sorry to bother

it's alright, you're not bothering me. i was honestly kind of expecting an ask like this after making that post. i hope, anon, before you respond (if you respond) you hear me out for the whole post.

i'm gonna put this under a cut since i rambled, sorry. warning for some discussion of abuse

first off, i wanna say that while writing this response feels very weird and kind of nerve-wracking, this isn't information i've been trying to hide. i, perhaps foolishly, tend to assume that people who follow me have at least read my bio, even if they choose not to read my about page, and it's becoming increasingly obvious that this is just......not the case? and it's becoming a bit frustrating to inevitably receive backlash from people following me about views i've been open about having from the get-go, hence the vent post. sorry about that, though, there's better ways of handling that frustration, i know.

secondly, i'm pro ship as in......pro ship. all ships, no matter how tasteless, controversial, or disgusting i or anyone else might find them. i'm pro fiction in the same sense, but just in regards to fiction as a whole, both in and out of fandom. while i never fully identified as an anti, i definitely used to have views closer to that mindset, and i can confidently say that they have caused me a lot of harm in the long run. also, while i fully take accountability for the things i've said during those years, i also feel like in some sense i was enabled to be cruel to others while i was a part of that group. never full on hate campaigns, sure, but i've definitely said some nasty stuff to people, and i regret ever doing it, and i especially feel regret for ever feeling justified in doing it. it also bothers me that there were other anti-minded people in my circles who encouraged me, even, and assured me i was doing the right thing when i fucking wasn't.

while i don't think i can explain all of my reasons for my beliefs in this post alone—that would make this thing way longer than it already is—i want to mention that i don't disagree with the notion that fiction can have an affect on our reality, i just think it's more nuanced than a one-to-one correlation of "reading about [thing]=think [thing] is now good", and i also think since fandom is, well, fandom, people tend to overexaggerate its influence on people. if you've ever read a fic or watched a tv show and thought that they handled a certain subject poorly, or recognized that a certain trope they used was bigoted, or anything of that sort, then, well, congrats! you know exactly what i mean. fiction can certainly influence people's views, but i think it's more of a lack of education (sex education, education on the lived experiences of minorities, etc) that's the problem, rather than the fiction on its own.

i also HEAVILY dislike this notion that fiction causes or enables people to abuse—in the case of the former, that's taking responsibility from the abuser because it implies that fiction "made" them do it when it was really their choice to be cruel, and in the case of the latter, i really think it's the aforementioned lack of education and the lack of systems we have in place to support victims/challenge authority that's more of an issue. sure, fiction can absolutely be used to groom people for abuse, but so can candy, or sports, or money, or one on one time, a whole bunch of things are all potential tools and unfortunately, we can't ban everything that could potentially be used to harm someone. and besides, that's overlooking that properly tagged fic (i'm. very pro content warnings in addition to being anti censorship just to be clear) can actually help people realize they're being abused when they see their situations being reflected on the page in front of them that's clearly labeled as abuse.

those aren't my only reasons of course, but this is getting long already, so thank you for sticking with me if you've gotten to the end. if you're uncomfortable with me because of this, i understand, i just ask that you either quietly unfollow or block me, because i'm not afraid to report people for harassment. if you have any good-faith follow up questions, i'm free to answer those as well, i really don't mind.

#i feel like i always take on a different tone when writing about stuff like this #or at least when i need to be more serious #it's like. professional marshy. i guess. academic marshy #why i left the anti cult and decided to just enjoy things: a memoir #<- that's my tag for this sort of thing if you're curious #marshy gets asks #anonymous #also anon if you're the person i think you are then.....idk. i'm sorry. i hope you don't feel like i was trying to deceive you or anything #like i said i generally assume people read my bio and are okay with it #or at least understand what i mean #it's kinda nerve wracking to be open about this sort of thing because of the amount of harassment that goes on but i don't like hiding it #maybe i should be more clear though idk. shrug emoji

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acidic--citrus · 16 days

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i didnt want to BLAST op in my last rb with an absolute Wall of tags on like, a two digit note post ,

so im just gonna.... hurl them here

CW: personal vent post, really negative thoughts look away ^^ i just have to get this written down somewhere or else ill Explode, Actually.

its been almost a year since the unfair firing incident at pr//oject moon, and for the last few, like... Months, at this point, ive just been reeeeeeaaaaaally thinking hard about the entire thing, processing overtime how bad it really was, what its a symptom of, and, looking towards the future, how i want to move on from it

coincidentally its also now a little over the 1 year mark of my getting into the p//jm games, and what used to bring me out of my depressive catatonic states has now thrown me Ass First into a Series of them

what i thought was a unique world and a lovely, hopeful narrative, i now realize was just a house-of-mirrors-esque distorted reflection of the world and society we live in

i thought they had a heartfelt and sincere underlying message in their works about humanity and connection, but with how pjm handled the real life situation and INSTANTLY bent its knees and prioritized its money-making incel fanbase over the safety and wellbeing of a Real Human Employee who had NOTHING to do with the situation, its obvious that all of it was hollow to begin with, and now just comes across as "what if capitalism.... but with cool people fighting in cool ways,.. AND monsters!!!" and i just can Not take anything the story tries to meaningfully say (if it ever was in the first place) seriously now

its all showy fireworks that fizzle out fast with nothing substantial behind them: eye candy, fanservice

and that entire ordeal, or rather reviewing the entire ordeal in my head and thinking about it agonizingly over the course of many months, really hammered it in for me that theres no way any form of entertainment out there is worth the livelihood of a real life human being

(and this is where pjm stops being as relevant, but is definitely where all of the next stuff stemmed from)

which got me thinking even further; if no happiness built off of the unhappiness of another is worth it, why does the world at large look the way it is now? call it disillusionment or waking up from my naivety, but i, keeping in mind the worlds other issues at large, like how everyone is fully and wholly documenting how a genocide is going down and the world just merely watches it unfold, realized that Ah. Truly we are So Fucked

i began spiraling further, thinking more and more and began buckling under the weight of problems too unfathomably large for anyone to tackle by themselves—could any of these even be solved within my lifetime as we are now?

to wrap things up, basically its become so so so incredibly hard to want to keep living

(that doesnt necessarily mean i want to die though; i personally make a distinction between the two)

its so hard to wake up feeling like theres something worth doing anymore

create art and make things? its hard to do that when your wrist hurts and youre so slow at everything and it feels like time passes by at x2 speed for you but everyone else seems fine and able to function and you cant help but wish you could hard reset your brain </3 its getting hard to think and articulate and imagine and process and its so discouraging for me.. i find myself wishing there were 36 hours in the day to compensate.....

enjoy a game or novel? its hard when every flicker of happiness feels so frivolous n trivial and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. like okay so i was reading like. last night, right? and everytime like something idk funny or cute happened i was instantly hit with a reality check and became insantly depressed. like what is that. thats so unfair. pit felt like i was going through moodswings in x18 speed. i could Feel the mania brain chemical get to me and then id be Ass Blasted with cortisol and brain numbness not a goddamn second later. what the fuck do you do then ?

i know ill live and all, as when i imagine myself dead or dying it doesnt feel quite right

but being comfortable and living comfortably like this, in my room, safe from the outside, that doesnt sit right with me either

eating is hard. sleeping is hard. i dont want a body. i dont want to have to take care of it. i think i want to disperse into bubbles

maybe ill start writing or something, as words seem to be what im running to for solace nowadays (<- balls deep in webnovel) since HHHHOIAUUURRGGGHHHHH...... WHY must i be an artist why must i be afflicted with the maddening urge to create at all times. i think a lobotomy would fix me

hhhaaaaaahhhh on the topic of creating and art, drawn art specifically, uuuugggghhhhhhhhh drags hand down face FUCK.... SOMETIMES I SEE A REALLY GOOD PIECE OF ART AND IM STRUCK WITH INSPIRATION AND AWE AND RESPECT AND IM LIKE ugghhhhh fuckkkk not AGAIN..... if i dont get something out of these hands right tf now...... and then i beat myself up mentally over not acting on that urge and letting it pass over me because uhm.... WRIST PROBLEMS!!!!! ^^ !!!!! + BRAIN SLOW (and i dont want to be reminded of that fact)!!!!!! ^^

#.txt #edit aint no way this took me an hour to write. it felt like 30 minutes passed at most.#ok so i looked at the clock yeah like 1 hour n a halfish almost passed pretty much.#i saw my last rb was from an hour ago and im like fuucckkkk maaaannnnn nnnoooooooo whhhyyyy #TIME WHEN I GET YOU.... PASSAGE OF TIME WHEN I GET YOU .........#re: the idea that everything feels like im perceiving things at x2 speed/im moving at x0.5 and absolutely hating it #i hate it here #sigh but nevertheless they are my comfort characters. i just wont support them financially ig

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hotshotshitshow · 3 months

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im not trying to be mean forreal but you arent gonna have people rbing your stuff if you don't tag it! 2 give an example your most recent piece has 7 tags total, two of which are personal tags that no ones gonna search so lets say 5. in addition to the ones you included which werent bad you should also include stuff like the medium (ex: #traditional art) and of course #artists on tumblr. tagging aesthetics that fit also goes a long way. plus a (no guilt) caption requesting that people boost your work. something important to keep in mind with tumblr is that its really good for circulating art LONG term rather than most social media platforms which prioritize feeding the neverending ratrace for whatevers trending. I am in no way a big name artist but my most circulated posts come from people tag searching and queueing. obvs theres usually gonna be the most attention over the first few days but also give it time! don't be afraid to repost or find niches who will circulate your stuff. post art and then link it in oc discords, too this isnt meant to admonish you btw more it makes me sad to see you get discouraged. you have a unique and compelling artstyle with genuinely swagful characters so the idea of you peacing out saddens my heart. i hope this helps, cya

Hey first off. I genuinely appreciate this, I am ngl I knew I shouldn't have posted that last night cuz I knew I'd be embarrassed about it later and well!! Here I am, feeling like a damn fool!! Sincerely tho, your words do mean a lot.

However, the one thing that trips me up is that back when I did use Tumblr more regularly, like several years ago, they had made it so that only the first five tags on a post were searchable, and everything else wasn't visible in tag searches. Has this changed? It's been a long time and I have no idea what's changed with Tumblr in the past few years but I've just been operating on the assumption that only the first five tags "count." Also I am just ... Not good at knowing what to tag things other than in the most straightforward way possible 😬

I definitely absolutely get discouraged way way way too quickly and I acknowledge that, it comes from years of a building frustration of posting on social media and never feeling like it goes anywhere while also watching those around me grow their followings. It's come to a point where it feels like if something I post "fails" then it tanks my mood on a hair trigger. And it's not healthy!!! This is largely why I've stopped posting publicly anywhere. Bc the reaction I've built up is so instantaneous and intense that it's completely unhealthy for me. Sorry to vent at you!! It's all just sort of coming out. I've absolutely poisoned the way I view interaction on social media for myself and it feels very entrenched and I don't really know what to do about it.

I want to share my art with people and I want them to like my art and asking for reblogs directly on art posts is something that always felt gross to me but idk maybe that's what I gotta do. I have this notion in my mind tho that if my art is good and people like it, they'll reblog it because they want to, not because I asked them to. It doesn't feel like people are sharing my art bc they genuinely like it if they're doing it bc I asked them to. And then people don't reblog my art, so it gets interpreted as "well, I guess nobody thinks my art is very good, otherwise they'd want to share it!"

This all feels very immature of me and I hate that this is how I feel. I definitely am very deeply in the mindset now of "well, nobody appreciated my art much when I did post it, so now nobody gets to see it anymore." Idk how to grow past this tbh. I am absolutely only shooting myself in the foot. Oh well whatever!!!

Anyway. Thank you again for this, and also if you did actually read this, thank you for your time and energy. I don't think you were being mean at all, you said what is true, I think. I hope you have a lovely day.

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officialkatie · 6 months

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decided all my vents are gonna be tagged so if you don’t want them on ur dash block the tag

it is midnight. it is monday. i am pmsing terribly. i have to be up in six hours to go do school observations i don’t want to do but have to do and im nervous. going back to my high school makes me nervous. its different and some people i went to high school with work there and that’s nice for them but i don’t want to see them. i had fun in high school but i don’t associate it well now. i don’t want to be a teacher anymore. it makes me sick to think about going to a school especially my old school. i outgrew it but i need to go back so i can finish this degree. i feel like my insides are being scraped by a cheese grater. and im hot and itchy and im going to cry about nothing and i am just alone. no one to help me. it is midnight i got 4 hours of sleep last night coming back from a vacation i didn’t want and i didn’t enjoy. it wasn’t a vacation. it was horrible. i don’t understand why my family doesn’t like me. i try and they exclude me and still treat me like a little kid. im 23. not that you’d know bc you all always forget my birthday. you belittled my excitement at going to the aquarium and made it not fun for me. i love you but i don’t like you. you ruined what little joy there was left in that trip by taking over like you always do. i didn’t want to go. i know im pmsing but that doesn’t make it any less bad. i’m scared to go tomorrow. i don’t know what room is where anymore and im going to be exhausted from not sleeping bc im too anxious. im going to have cramps. i have class until 10pm tomorrow. i want to work in the aquarium to make people happy the way i should have been. im the one walking behind everyone else on the sidewalk when all i’ve done my entire life is be nice. if i died they would never know. “oh we loved katie” not in any way you showed. all you did was show me that you loved yourselves. its 12:10 now and my hips hurt from pms and sitting in the car for 30 hours. i hate this career path. i don’t want to be a teacher. its not too late for me i know i have time for careers and actual real love and it will come but 12:10 monday morning 5 hours and 50 minutes before my alarm i am sick and i cannot see the sun. the time of feeling good is not in sight. this week is going to be so hard. i don’t even want to go to museum wednesday anymore. i don’t find joy in it im tired im hormonal. i will feel better but not now. i have no joy this week. looking forward to nothing except its end. what kind of sadness is that i don’t even have the joy of the mundane its just dragging. the best part of the week will be friday afternoon. i will nap. i will have less hormones. i will have another paycheck for one day of work but it will be mine. i have no weekend to look forward to but the absence of responsibilities will be there. then a presentation tuesday. and then a movie thursday. it will all suck until it doesn’t and tgen i can rest but until tgen i will have (?). the sleep i get tonight and tomorrow and Wednesday. maybe i’ll be better by then.

#katie’s journal

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spirito7 · 10 months

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Oh yay a social media platform that no one that knows me I have

No on is here, it's a void

And I can shout all I want

// Vent lol

Hhhhh my heart hurts, we planned to do, "stuff" when we started this call and it quickly went down hill... we were so excited to talk to one another, so much happy stims, but they brought up their dumb school, which caused me to panic, cause for an American school... it's still ranked one of the worst schools in their state?!?! I panicked and I think that's was crashed the mood, they said let's change the subject, I agreed and, we kinda just sat in silence I tried to turn my mood around and poke and say hi but, they didnt give back the energy they once had like 10 minutes ago, so I got scared I ruined thing and just went quiet again. It stayed quiet until they asked if I was waiting for them to say smth, which, isnt, really what I was doing, I just didnt know what to do so I just, sat there, but I asked if they were waiting for me to do smth, to help them set the "mood" and I firstly kinda got hurt cause, you suggested the topic change, so ofc I kinda expected you to, start? I dunno, but I tried too but you still seemed down and I had no idea how to fix it, but it kinda went back and fourth and more silence,

But what hurt the most is them saying that maybe this call was a bad idea..

It crushed me to the point I'm sat here muted trying to find a place to shout my emotions that isnt them cause im not ready to word vomit my issues yet. I was crying for a solid 5 minutes straight before actually muting, they were shoved under my blankets so I doubt they heard anyways

They called out to me, me taking a sec to unmute and asking what's up, they said never mind, maybe realizing I was sat there muted so I have no idea what they were gonna say or ask, but they asked me what's wrong as if it wasn't clear, but that's not the point, you didnt say what you were gonna say, so I'm not either, besides I'm not ready anyways

So now we're both sat muted, granted their roommate is now in the room so they had no real choice,

Sibdiqhe why got my heart also twisted is that they "made me food" (we make portions of food for one another even though we are no where close to one another, #longdistance) and it seemed so nice and it huuurts

Sigh, I'm probably gonna watch hermitcraft and cry myself to sleep.

Thank you the void that is tumblr, had no where else to go.

I wanna add tags for a warning but also that will cause people to see it, maybe I do want help, maybe I just need to know I was heard too...

Fuck I don't know, but thank you

#vent post #vent #tw vent

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victimofdiskjord · 1 year

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big rant abt my smr dr experience??? i think??? tw; sh

tbh tho at the time i was doing that shit i WAS um.. pretty (does that twirly finger thing around my head????) at the time of making those baitposts. I dont mind ppl finding my idenity now because ik thats just another annoying fuck i dont have to talk to.. ever! i just dont send it HERE cause.. well.. thats too easy <3 I thought that ppl were gonna harass me to no end, and tbh i DID get some.. really.. fucked up anons from just being annoying back then and ig i thought itd go to my fr account too. (racism, death threats, ableism, and MORE! this starter pack rocks!) Idk why people were so obsessed with finding my fucking dragon porn game identity though. like okay ???? #69837 aint my address dumbass... I joined this fr drama server because anons kept telling my (paranoid + rude ass) to go and shit it up cause "ppl were talking shit abt me" and i was like oh my god its time to catch HANDS!!!! i still hv an archive of the super duper dm-fight but.. the owner said "whatever goes in server stays there" so well. i calmly deleted the sses </3

idk why they were upset I uh. showed off their tag when they were fucking EXCITED to tell evryone mine, though...like i went "OH OH sorry, ill add it" and this dude was fucking shaking his hands jumping for joy to fucking do it for me. calm down butthead!!!!!!

i think a huge root of my rudeness and.. assholish attitude was my paranoia...and larp-craziness. i was scared for my damn life.. when i typed that shit up i was genuinely shaking n talking to myself for hours afterward Im still upset that people decided to take my thoughts of watning to send ppl my scars etc to face value, but tbh its fr. fr ppl are stupid. I was genuinely in a fucked up place and i was using making myself a "cringe, annoying troll punching bag" as coping mech.. when it was ACTUALLY making things worse.. and well. dr+smr people realllly didnt help. literally egging me on to continue to hurt myself and stuff in my inbox... people calling me a fucking evil person who sends people things ive never sent to anyone ever and never actually would.

people used me venting fucking AGAINST me and painted me as a villain when all i wanted was.. to make people laugh. but it turned into ppl laughing at ME, and not the jokepost.. people took my stop posting abt amongus copypasta so serious, got mad abt me wanting a stinky fujo coomer dragon npc.. list goes on.. i took pleasure in making ppl mad at me, but it also hurt a fuckton

i mean.. now i can laugh abt how much of a dumb bitch i was. nothing i posted since then has ever been that successful. or cringe. or annoying... lol.. some people has asked me to post again but.. idk. i just wanna be normal now. int with the people who havent blocked me yet.. ik thye hate me but i hope that one day they restalk my blog and decide to be neutral towards me again..

until then um..

dear anti anti exalters: YOU PISS ME THE FUCK OFF. oh yeah.. YOU KNOW WHO I AMMM, KAGURAA!

bye :)

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giftedfangs · 1 year

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small little rant/vent just worried like. idk im not that excited about hazbin much anymore, and I've thought multiple times of just kinda yeeting myself out of the fandom because it's just getting difficult to be in a place I know people don't particularly care about me are in and in a way hurt me so having to blacklist so much is just idk.

but on the other hand i wouldnt wanna just leave the few friends i do have here either cuz even when things are tagged if im on mobile it doesnt work and i have to just not be around as much as i want because i dont want to see some stuff on the dash. not to mention missi isn't rlly accepted many other places especially now since im separating my writing of her from vampair's canon

it's why i always say im gonna be more strict on who i follow but fail because i dont, know where else to go and when i try to branch out its just radio static. idk. i dont wanna ruin the mood but im just tired of hazbin at this point cuz it's been lumped in with so much negativity and broken friendships, lies, and extreme topics i cant get excited and just find myself wanting to leave whenever the dash gets spammed about new things

i actually lowkey dread the show coming out cuz that's all my dash will be no doubt cementing my place stuck here trying to navagate a minefield of people who don't like me and who've hurt me but knowing no where else will accept my muse the same. Especially when ive been told i interact with too many ppl from hazbin for other ppl to want to write or be mutuals with me.

#Corrupted Knowledge // IC #negative cw #vent cw

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ghosty1111 · 2 years

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being suicidal while the world is also ending is just like. damn. the enddate for the world and the enddate i have planned for myself are pretty close to eachother. wonder who's gonna go first.

#vent #tw suicide #makes me think that i should just wait it out a bit #and then kill myself when it gets to the point of being too fucked yknow #worlds gonna end when im about 40(maybe even earlier) so..why not #humans could also possibly overthrow the government and rich people causing it but ehhhh i doubt it #it isnt just one government this time. its basically a whole planet.#i hope that humans find a way out of it but im not expecting anything #sooo weird being at the tail end of humanity tho. final stretch guys!!!!!!time to make gay and trans people real or whatever #idk thats the kinda shit i wanna do. shit ive always wanted to do since i was first conscious. make stories.#stories abt people like me and going on adventures and falling in love bc media raised me and kept me company #so i owe it to media and all the things its helped with by making my own that helps others not feel alone #even if its just for the last few years of humanity #also creating characters(and seeing characters in other stuff) in their late 40s finally finding comfort in life has made me. interested.#if the world doesnt end and i decide not to die than i wouldnt mind living through my 50s(60 would be pushing it)#maybe 55. thats the most im willing to go as a human...for now #i hope my followers actually read the tags bc most of the time my vent posts are basically just headlines for the real vent lol

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enby-onceler · 3 years

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i kinda want to go through my archive and delete a bunch of unimportant posts that don't have specific tag "groups" or whatever that i use to categorize stuff, but i literally don't have ANY time and definitely don't have the energy to do that, especially because i have over 2,000 posts that i would have to look through like >://

and i guess i could just start a new blog and keep this entire blog as an archive but i've had this since 2019 and i just )): don't wanna let it go i guess

idk i've been considering this for a long tine because i HATE disorganization and i really want my blog to have (almost) everything tagged with specific stuff so i can look through a tag and find important stuff even if it's from a few years ago

idk man i'll think about it some more but i don't think i'm gonna be making any big changes rn

#god.thoughts #only mutuals can reblog #vent #and i especially wanna do this because i've tagged all my original posts with 'mine' which groups vents/rants in with discourse #and art and a bunch of other stuff so it's impossible to find posts where i'm just rambling bc i literally just started the god.thoughts tag #as a way to separate those from posts that i actually want people to rb #and i've kind of had a tagging system since i started this but it wasn't nearly as organized as it is now which i HAAATE #so i just have a bunch of posts that are probably important that aren't tagged with anything so i can't find them #or posts that are tagged with words that make them unable to be searched on my blog (tr4nsph0bia; 4ble1sm; etc)#which really sucks so now im gonna have to make sure i tag those posts with another tag that can actually be searched bc usually those posts #are at least somewhat important and involve discourse or important events going on that otherwise couldnt be found on my blog bc of the tags #ughhhh )):<

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