#im literally clinically ill
Text
#im literally clinically ill#nothing and i mean NOTHING will compare to my reaction to that entire thing#NOTHING!!!!!!!!!#I REALLY CANT HANDLE THIS#dsmp lore spoilers#dsmp spoilers#dream smp lore spoilers#dream smp spoilers#c!wilbur#c!tommy#c!dream#wilbur soot#tommyinnit#dreamwastaken#dsmp
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
grug need tgel
#IMSO CLOSE TO GOING I FEEL FAINT#its so crazy theyll literally prescribe it to me and ill start crying#my heart is beating so fast ive got sweaty hand good lord i need. Augh#be me. be transgender for years. unable to find psychs who speak english. too scared. find out you can get t from certain general drs.#get scared again. get too busy. waves of dysphoria and longing. cant remember the clinic name. check email. they sent an email about terms.#Its a sign its such a sign. im gonna barf
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything
#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either#anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable#and imaginable way possible like#and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam#family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life#he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good#christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif#we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for#the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would#have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only#he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life#he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our#church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty#much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl#stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the#long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an#he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING#and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY#WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time#WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE#and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me#but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this?#so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't#mari.txt#personal#tw negative#dl#btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never#had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
i am so done with this week ohmyhofbdbsbz
#i literally cwnt take it anymore this is my second cry today 😭#THREE LABS IN ONE DAY#THREE. I STILL HA E 2 LABS TOMORROW AND A CLINICAL SESSION AND AM ELECTIVE#AND ILL BE THERE FRO 8AM TO 5PM YA ALLAHHHHHH😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and ims still not done with my presentation for this week nor revising for the quiz#im one minor inconvenience away from tearing my hair out please
17 notes
·
View notes
Note
We lack madara with a mustache
#asks#bruh i have been so uncreative feeling recently.#like i have been drawing but everything feels really blah recently#i found an abandoned bearded dragon outside of my house on sunday#and the poor fella was in terrible shape.#yesterday i took him to the vet and the doctor suggested i euthanize him because his injuries were truly horrendous#and i cried so hard and the vet was sad and the nurse was sad and i was sad#i gave the lizard a safe space in my garden to exist peacefully the day/night i found him#and he ate 3 crickets and drank some water#on the drive to the vet clinic he was really curious and more active than id observed him ever before#who abandons an animal like that? in this heat? like he was literally just on the curb in front of my house.#but i loved that lizard.#RIP iroh#ill try to start posting asks and drawing more but the lizard saga plus life stuff has been draining#when i get home from work i feel completely drained. its so fucking hot here. it feels like 120f and im cooking in that sunlight bruh#oh also the family dog passed away last month. no more animal deaths 2023 pls
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
i wish i could enjoy literally anything rn
#going to a concert tomorrow that i WAS super excited for once upon a time#now im just stressed out of my gourd and honestly tempted to just. not go#which wouldn't be the first time i bailed on a concert i had tickets for bc my mental health was in the toilet#but i know ill regret not going#my agoraphobia has gotten so bad you guys#im p sure the only reason ive been able to make my drs appts is bc the clinic is literally across the street from me#but they're leaving at the end of the year so unless im Better by then im basically screwed#anyway sorry for the pity party guys its been. fuckin rough round here#god i dont want to do this anymore#this has been an original post#personal spewage
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
haha sick 😎🤙
#certified protectcosette original#all jokes aside.#i am actually feeling so incredibly ill#i love my job i love children but i hate parents who let their kids go everywhere with like. the runniest of nosiest and nastiest coughs#too unwell to drive i feel so lightheaded so I can't go to a minute clinic or anything. but im self dxing with flu bc its been going around#looking at cdc symptoms and yeah i have literally every single flu symptom listed except no digestive issues#body hurts so so much#why don't doctors do house calls again i want that shit back#WAIT GUYS CDC HAS LIKE. AN ACTIVITY MAP FOR GOW BAD THE FLU IS SPREADING IN EACH STATE. AND MY STATE IS RED
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
yall are tasteless the golf belt fucks and it’s proof im always right. <3
#this time about polo belts! again#he’s a pampeano model without an ass and hes a horse girl who would match his belt to his dog’s collar and#hi not here but i love u friends.. i dieded and im still dead and ill be dead until they cure migraines for girls forever#(everyone say Get user mediapen on a 100% safe clinical trial she literally cannot live like this)
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
6 months of unpaid labour moodboard
#@self if you thought that you can afford to go to uni without putting yourself and family in debt... think again bastard#compulsory part of the final year being doing a 6 month unpaid clinical placement which is legal btw wtaf#cant do my side job bc the placement + uni obligations take up too much time + im mentally ill and need the rest#depleted majority of my savings to afford rent so far#loans dont cover shit#entire family is gonna have to work extra to help me out#resorting to begging the bursary and funds people for financial help#i literally cannot afford my rent and bills next year without bursary and/or family help let alone food and other necessities#what is the point of uni anymore bro im 😭#mmmm yummy exploitation#im so so sad and angry#unpaid labour.... for students.... IN THIS ECONOMY??? UOE die challenge#personal#og post
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel rly irredeemably horrible rn...longing for emotional support....anyway vent in tags
#physically i feel so ill etc . and i have to catch up on so much#and i just got a grade back for an assignment and it wasnt a 1st and literally almost . cried bc#it rly was supposed 2 be. i dont have my housing sorted out for next yr and i am rly worried#i look hideous rn bc my face is rly swollen and it was a fat transfer so u dont get to see results for like#6 months but mostly the swelling should settle in like a month but that means i will just look#kind of monsterous for a while. i cant do archery anymore bc it involves heavy weights ig which im supposed to not do#and its like as soon as i find smth i like it is taken away...i feel . like shit. etc. and according to the clinic it is Not Normal to be#so weak. have to get lasik in a few days while still recovering from transfer + nose surgery so i literally#feel like my body is going to give out but also idk if i will find time to catch up on stuff etc i feel likr my brain is rotting#i basically have no support system rn except my gf bc my friends are all so busy w their own stuff#which is also v bad. like i cannot rely on her as my sole source of emotional support#feels like academics etc have taken a backseat this yr so far and that is Horrible like i need that to not be the case#but im too nauseous and weak etc to sit up for prolonged periods of time taking notes#taking 7 antibiotics a day etc..idk . i have to travel 6hrs#tmrw then have lasik on monday then travel back 6hrs the same afternoon or tuesday morning#like i legit already feel like my body is giving out idk how i will do this. and i feel so incredibly alone throughout#all of this . idk.#genuinely i am turning into a black hole and if things get bad again i will lose it . i hate this feeling i hate the#marked loneliness that comes b4 things spiral downwards and this feels like it#that was a lot ✌️ anyway if any1 has any advice or words to share or anytjing to say ever pls do#i need human interaction soooo badly#personal
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
ppl on the internet will be like I'm insane I'm crazyyyy I would have gotten a lobotomyyyy and then they have mild anxiety and think psychotropic drugs are scary.
#mentally ill teens on here like im in your walls!! do you not see how thats actively harmful.#i dont even experience psychosis its just irritating. I mean i have had something akin to delusions but.#idk i don't think you get to act like you're clinically insane online if your Mental Illness is like.#one of the ones people DON'T think youre unstable/abusive/a murderer for#like im bipolar and i hear it used as like a Scary Diagnosis and a red flag constantly#and then seeing people who identify as mentally ill saying things like oh they're even on MEDICATION... like its a big deal#or essentially mocking ppl with delusions or PDs or EDs etc#like. youre not insane asylum grippy sock you're literally just annoying
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Not that anyone asked or cares but I PASSED STEP 1!!!!!!!! Hands-down the most demoralizing exam I've ever studied and sat for and it literally made me want to d*e or drop out of med school several times but I'm so grateful it's done and I never have to do that again!!!!
#fyi step 1 is the first of many medical licensing exams to become an MD#you take it after the first two years of med school which are your preclinical years#to make sure you've learned all the information you need to start the clinical portion of med school#i literally start rotations on monday 😬😬😬😬#scared for my life tbh but also excited#i know it's going to be brutal but i also know im going to learn and grow so much so im trying to focus on that!#but also shout out to harry for getting me through my dedicated study period for that exam bc i genuinely don't know how i would've coped#without him doing things that i was looking forward to#im also SO grateful he's going to be around during my first year of rotations like ik it's gonna make things so much more bearable for me#ill have so much to look forward to and be excited about!!!#anyways cool thanks for listening#usmle step 1#step 1#medical school#med school
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#suicide tw#i got assessed by a crisis team and they literally said i already have enough support so they arent gunna do anything#even though i literally have a plan and have to sleep on my parents couch just so im not alone long enough to do it#and now i have an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist but im scared hes gunna do nothing too#my doctor is literally doing all the heavy lifting in order to actually get emergency help and no one else seems to care#it took 2 weeks and several phone calls from both me and my doctor to get an emergency appt with my psych even though he was like '#'literally call the clinic whenever if you need me and ill sort something out'#and reception didnt believe me when i said i needed that appt#i hate the australian mental health system
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
happy year of the rabbit (even though it's not chinese new year yet) to you specifically and nobody else!!!!!!
jkgfhgh thank,,
also hey vaguely related but if anyone this year needs like. a nightguard for a silly horror attraction with a moldy old bunny animatronic I'll do it for free just saying!!
#funfact about me I was born in I think the year of the rooster and this reminded me about it#wish i'd been born in the year of the dragon honestly that would've been cool#if anyone finds springtrap this year hmu ill take one for the team#he can choke me a little (as a treat)#asks#im unhinged about him im sorry#literally clinically insane about this man
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
peace and love on earth actually i might be getting back on adhd meds with a specialist that actually gives a shit if i can get rediagnosed with adult adhd
#my mum got very accusatory with me about 'not trying hard enough to manage my adhd' so i pulled out all the evidence that i cant do#shit ill be on a waiting list for literal years from now#and she just went ok. then ill call a private clinic FUCKING HELLO???? OUT OF NOWHERE??? YOU CAN DO THAT???????#so idk. wahoo??#didnt know i needed a whole new diagnosis now im older but im pretty sure i just got Worse from when i was a kid so#im going to get such a bad grade in brain/pos
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i may have,, kinda,,, gotten a job??? It's a clinic near my house, and it's on my teacher's recommendation.
#college stuff#internyearshenanigans#its too early to actually be sure??? im on 1 month training/observation. only then‚ are we discussing pay and stuff.#but. it also means i have absolutely no time to myself now. especially if i get sick again with pain episodes lasting a week or so.#basically 8.30-15.20 being college and 16.00-20.30 being clinic‚ and then the inbetween hour(ish) is the commute. so ill reach home at 9pm-#-ish‚ which means very quick baths (😠)‚ dinner‚ sleep. which also means back to waking at 6.00 to cook food for lunch and dinner (😵)#bw these two things - literally redoing my whole day routine/schedule for a 4 hr shift (😠) -n not getting enough rest i am gonna fall sick#self rant
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
