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bookdork1 · 4 years

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okay, i’ll admit upfront that this episode was slow in the ship department. it happens. they have 2+ hours of content to write every week, which means sometimes that content can’t focus on just the same two people and their one storyline of accidentally falling in love with one another. that being said, it was still a very good episode for edser, even if they didn’t have a ton of screen time together. yes, they are both angry at each other (highlighted best when they talk to one another’s respective mother figures and defend their own side in the couple’s fight). but they are also both missing and pining after one another. they spend the majority of the episodes finding ways to accidentally run into one another and the other half finding ways to avoid one another. its frustratingly fun to watch, but definitely something that has a short shelf life. lucky for us, the writer knows this, meaning that we end the episode with the main conflict being resolved: eda finds out who stole the patent and goes to serkan to prove her innocence. serkan, very belatedly, tells eda he doesn’t need proof, he believes her. he admits he has serious trust issues but that he knows she was innocent of his charges regardless of proof. unfortunately for serkan, he forgets the most important words “i am sorry” and “i apologize for how i treated you.” since no apology was truly made, eda doesn’t accept it. instead, she hands back the ring and tells him they are finished. its a wonderfully angst filled cliffhanger. do i wish we had gotten to that point 45 minutes earlier? yes. but its an excellent setup for episode 9 in which i envision a serkan who grovels. a lot.

additionally, since edser had such little actual forward progresssion until the last five minutes, all the side characters recevied amazing treatment this ep. usually i don’t care about the side characters in turkish dramas. often they are overwhelmingly flat and are only used as plot devices to keep the main couple apart. in SCK though we have a plethora of interesting side characters and friendship groups who i can’t help but like.

i’ll start with seyfi, who served some stinging one liners this episode. i loved how he immediately sided with eda, refused to pack her things when serkan asked him to, and even went to eda’s house to check in with her that she was okay. overall, seyfi is amazing and we love seyfi. example a: ”seyfi, have you seen eda around?” “no, but i’ll tell you what i do see. a lonely man” yes keep on serving those truth bombs seyfi!

i also really liked the small progression with aydin and alptekin. alptekin dropping everythign at work and returning home proved that he does care about his wife and aydin is slowly working up to telling him about her progress with her agoraphobia. both characters were also excellent in their response to their son’s behavior towards eda. aydin firmly chastised her son, scolding him for yelling at not only his fiance but any woman and alptekin came in later telling his son that having no trust in otheres is a mistake. three cheers for the good parenting (even if its of their adult son).

the piril/engin/jeren love triangle of sorts is also heating up. i think i’m piril/engin at the moment but i honestly don’t know which direction the drama will take with these two ships. i will say that i am firmly in love with the idea of jeren/engin just being best bros who give relationship advice to each other, it would be nice to see that kind of male/female friendship represented in a drama. also piril is ridiculously repressed with her feelings and therefore i strongly relate to her so that may be why i’m rooting for her.

it was also interesting to see more about ferit and his relationship with selin. i really feel so bad for this guy. he loves his fiance a lot and has already put a lot of trust in their relationship watching her work, day in and day out, with her ex-boyfriend, a guy whom ferit knows she still has feelings for. it was so sad when he found that note “from serkan” in selin’s desk. i did not approve of his decision to follow her but the drama surprised me again. instead of having ferit go psycho with jealousy he and eda quietly listened to their respective fiances discuss their old relationship. things obviously went better for eda in that discussion (serkan’s “there is no logic to my being with eda” is 10000% better than selin saying logic is what keeps her with ferit) and i really felt so bad when he told eda that he always knew selin wasn’t with him because of love, but because of logic. i just really want selin to stop pining over what she never had with serkan and realize that a great love is sitting right there in front of her.

and of course we must mention melo. ohh i was so worried about her reaction to finding kaan’s nefarious purposes but she handled it really well. i love that the drama didn’t waste uselss time with her not telling eda the truth for some stupid reason. instead as soon as melo realizes what happens, she tells eda and they piece together how kaan got his hands on the patent in the first place. the way all the girls immediately rallied around melo was heartwarming, to say the least. i love this friend group of four distinctly different but distinctly strong women. fifi’s decision to then chloroform kaan and get the truth out of his phone was kind of amazing, not gonna lie. also, i want to add a shout out to eda’s aunt. her immediately knowing that kaan was untrustworthy was epic.

oh! one more side character to mention! sirius was honestly the mvp of this episode. his acting on the stairs when serkan was walking away but eda was just arriving? oscar worthy. that dog is tired of his parents fighitng and would just like everyone to make up with one another, please and thank you.

well, that was an essay, please let me know if you have any thoughts about the episode you want to discuss! while the episode wasn’t my favorite, i did enjoy it and i think it promises a great set up for episode 9.

#sen cal kapimi #edser #episode 8 #spoilers

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annabellesjournal · 3 years

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today i woke up pretty rough. i had intrusive thoughts ever since. i wake my bf up because he hadn’t woken up for his sunday class yet. he seems grumpy because it was early in the morning. his parents ask him to join for dinner tonight and he is so out of it that he just “we’ll see, im really tired and i have a test today” and the mom rudely, “ oh man life is that hard huh?” so my bf just “SUREEE im tired but suuure ill join you. thank you for respecting my own decisions as an adult.” and walks into his office to get into class. the entire time hes in a sour mood and i get anxious when hes in that mood. his monitor then starts to fuck up and he gets even more angry. he fails his exam by one question; which he now has to schedule a makeup day. -- hes not having a good day and when hes having an awful day, usually i am too. my dad’s kidney stone problem has gotten worse. he has been having more pain which means we do need to go to the ER at some point today. i have agoraphobia so all of this is stressing me out. i havent showered, i look fatter than normal and i just... feel awful already from the previous things in the post. ive had so many intrusive thoughts and i just dont think i’ll do well in a public setting for an unknown amount of time. i dont drive, so if i feel anxious i cant just go home. my brother would be the one taking us. i would stay home; but id look like the bad guy.. no one really cares about my mental health; but its okay today isnt about me. im so anxious about my dad dying. ill truly be alone if he passes away. come to think of it if he does pass away theres no way i could even pay for funeral expenses... im stressing out. the possibility of him passing away is small, yet my brain is making it the big thing. the last time we were in the hospital because of him he had his huge open heart surgery. it was scary. he actually died for a couple seconds before they cut him open. the surgeon had to revive him. it was so scary.. the fact that he DIED for a couple seconds before the surgery even began... my dad may not be the best when it comes to talking to me about my mental health or anything really; but i really do enjoy his presence... he makes me feel not alone. wish us luck today. keep him in your prayers please.

#rant #bpd #scared #anxious #agoraphobia

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hozier-mp3 · 3 years

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destiel au fic recs?

Oh yes.

Once upon a time I made a post of every single one of my Fic Recs, and I’m especially fond of AUs, so I give you a list of just, solely, AU fics.

Let me start with my shameless self promotions. (They’re actually full of shame I’m sorry but those are my three AU fics I’ve written.

Alright, time for the real ones. *cracks knuckles* A Million Ways To Go by ChasingRabbits on AO3 - Castiel Novak is a preacher's son living in a world of black and white. Pragmatic and dutiful, he doesn't understand why anybody would want to make waves.Then the Winchesters move in down the street. Soon many of the skeletons in the Novak family's closet are exposed, and as the family faces them, Castiel begins to understand that there are many ways to see the world and so many more ways to live than what he's been told. - This is one of the few fics I’ve reread. The summary pretty much covers it, though, so I’ll let that one speak for itself.

Word Count: 91,079

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1086183/chapters/2185029

Smiling Out Of Fear by thepinupchemist on AO3- Castiel Novak is a product of the system, having gone through too many foster homes since the age of seven. At fourteen, he lands himself in Sugar Lane Mobile Home Community under the care of Missouri Moseley. There, he meets one Dean Winchester. A story about teenage hooligans, growing up, and finding a home. - Okay, I’m not going to say anything other than the fact that thinking about this fic literally makes me almost start crying happy tears. I adore it. (I pretty much recommend everything thepinupchemist has written, but I haven’t gotten through it all yet.)

Word Count: 117,494

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007755/chapters/1998660 25¢ Pocket Guardian Angels by hopelessheathen on AO3- Dean walks into his local bank one day and notices that someone has filled the old gumball machine with these tiny, wiggling, sentient angels in individual plastic packaging. Deeply concerned about their air supply and the fact that they're trapped there in the sun, he starts pumping in quarters to rescue them. This is worse than leaving a dog in an overheating car. Now he's got forty of the little guys running all over his house, and god knows how many others might be trapped and dying all over the city. - I love this. I could read it three times a day and still get a smile on my face. It’s just a little one shot, but it’s worth the time it takes. Word Count: 13,325

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6359713

Burden by riseofthefallenone on AO3 - Mutants are considered second class citizens, or worse. Discriminated against at every turn, mutants are marked and monitored by The Registry and any deemed too dangerous are taken away to The Facility. It’s no surprise that many try to hide or choose a more permanent way out if a mutation develops. Castiel’s parents hid his mutation and hid him away from the world. He’s grown up with the knowledge that the world will hate him, no matter what he does. If he leaves the house, he can only do it with a long, heavy coat that covers the most beautiful part of him. It takes a pair of brothers to help him really spread his wings and live. - Yet another I adore. If you’ll keep a secret for me, I’m actually not caught up, but I oh so desperately want to be. I’m kind of a sucker for wings in general, though, so that helps.

Word Count: 317,582

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20613731/chapters/48945302

Out Of The Deep by riseofthefallenone on AO3 - Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep. It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep. Castiel should have listened better. - Okay, but holy shit. This was one of the first Destiel fics I read, and it heightened my standards to unbelievable places. I adore it. I could write essays.

Word Count: 488,608

https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878/chapters/977676 True As It Can Be by whelvenwings - Growing up in a small town in Kansas, Dean learned from a young age that there was only one rule that couldn’t be broken, one place he couldn’t go - through the forest, to the long-abandoned Angel’s Hollow. But when Sam disappears, Dean’s left with no choice but to follow his brother's tracks through the dangers of the wood; little does he know that the most dangerous creature of all lurks not among the trees, but in the Hollow itself. Dean sets Sam free, at the cost of his own liberty - and, bound by magic, resigns himself to living out the rest of his days in the Hollow, at the mercy of the being within. The angel of Angel’s Hollow, however, has a story - is a prisoner, too, as much as Dean is. Only one thing can free them both - but it is impossible. For, after all: who could ever learn to love a beast? - This was the first, and last, Beauty and the Beast AU I ever read, but for good reason. I’m scared if I read another, that this one will absolutely shit on it and I won’t be able to enjoy it. I loved this fic very much.

Word Count: 71,952

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11048568/chapters/24631101

Okay, before I even mention the next one, please read the tags. There are quite a few possible triggers and the tags, luckily, have accurate trigger warnings. And, of course, archive warnings. (And, of course, be sure to read tags on the others.) If you have issues with that, just scroll past this one, because the others are fine. (I think/hope so. At least. If you have any issues, please, let me know. I’ll put warnings above those too)

Defiant by thestorygirl on AO3 - Dean Winchester has devoted his career as a police officer to helping angel slaves in any way that he can. He even formed and heads the "Angel Welfare Task Force," which involved him being called to consult on any case involving slaves. This passion stemmed from an incident that happened twenty years previously, when a thirteen year old Dean failed to help his friend Castiel escape being sold to a sadistic owner. Dean had never really harbored any hope of finding his friend. He saw his work as something he did in memory of Castiel, to prevent others from suffering the same fate. But, when called out on a routine case one day, Dean was startled to find that he recognized the victim. - So, usually I avoid the Non-Con archive warning at all. But with this one, honestly, I’m lucky I didn’t. I could seriously write essays on this fic. I’m gonna shut up about it, just because I don’t want to talk too much about it. It’s seriously perfect.

Word Count: 133,352

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2180202/chapters/4771569

Alright back to the ones that don’t quite need trigger warnings.

Have Love, Will Travel by squeemonster - Castiel Novak is a reclusive writer with a childhood so tragic it's left him terrified to leave his home—until his overbearing brother, Gabriel, drags him out for a night on the town full of booze and strip clubs, and he encounters Dean Winchester, a mesmerizing and mysterious stripper with secrets of his own. Both men find themselves inexplicably drawn to each other, and soon Dean's private dances for Castiel become much more, as both men confess their troubles and find solace in each other's company. But neither can seem to find the courage to take their relationship further than the intimacy of the club's VIP Room—and just when Dean's own brother gives him the excuse he needs to finally admit his feelings, Dean discovers something that brings it all crumbling down. Will they find a way past their demons and their trust issues, and back to each other?- I love Cas in this fic, his agoraphobia fits his usual outsider-ness and it’s just all beautifully characterized. I very much enjoy “the only exception” tropes as well, so....

Word Count: 94,054

https://archiveofourown.org/works/565455/chapters/1011747?view_adult=true Four Letter Word For Intercourse by Bendingsignpost on AO3 - As a grease monkey turned college freshman, Dean's constantly three seconds away from being stressed out of his mind. It hardly helps that he's finally figuring out his sexuality in his thirties. What might help with that stress is a little phone number (and a big credit card bill). If he can't figure out how to be bisexual in person, he can at least give it a go over the phone, right? (It's probably a bad idea, but he really can't help himself.) - Holy shit. That’s... that’s really all I can say. Holy shit. Easily made my top five.

Word Count: 194,739

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086839/chapters/37568591 Now, onto the one I haven’t finished, but like... so far.

Beck and Call by Soupernabturel on AO3 - 1922: Dean Winchester, eldest heir to the Winchester Estate, has a less than orthodox relationship with his servant, Castiel Novak. - Like I said, I haven’t finished it yet, but I’m vastly enjoying it at the moment.

Wow, it was really hard not to include canon ones lol. Anyways, I hope this helps Anon, and I hope you enjoy! I love all these authors, and you should give them all the love!

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slutabed · 3 years

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This year (and by that I mean “2020 up to and including now and the foreseeable future until I feel safe again”) has been so alarmingly bad for everybody in the world so it feels shitty to even say that it affected me at all especially in such inconsequential selfish ways but it was so bad and continues to be so bad sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy and this whole thing has been manufactured specifically to fuck with me personally lmao.

I’m like weirdly, pathologically superstitious of shit to the point of true panic if I feel like i’m breaking any of my “”rules”” or whatever, so in 2019 when everyone started making those posts like “2020 is going to be the best, it’s a leap year, 4th of July is a Friday, Halloweeen is a Saturday, etc. etc.” I remember feeling such a deep-seated, unshakable panic because it felt too good to be true and I was scared everyone was “jinxing” the year or w.e. and at the time it felt so so dumb to be feeling like that, and I’m trying so hard to shake myself from my superstitions and anxieties but like...then it happened. The thing that I feared was going to happen - that 2020 was going to be some tragically life-altering year because our hopes and expectations for it had been too high, how dare we wish for good things - it happened.

And my agoraphobia had been really, really bad for a while and most days in 2019 I was scared to even leave my house, so I kept cancelling plans and saying no to amazing outings because of a stupid pathological fear of [redacted] stemming from a weird near-death experience I had in 2017 and compounded by the fact that the US is fucking terrifying. So I had gotten my friends together and we booked a trip to Iceland for March of 2020 because I’ve never left the country and I was sick of being scared of everything and wanted to start living. So everything was set and our departure day was two days after the day they closed down air travel out of the US, and like...I feel like I don’t deserve to hope or look forward to things? Because look at what happened the one time I planned something that I was actually looking forward to, and I had a lot of crazy irrational fears about it but I was actually letting myself get excited instead of just thinking about all the ways I could die at the airport, on the plane, etc. etc. And like...the one time I let myself look forward to something it was like, you stupid fucking idiot, why would you ever think you could have something good happen to you? This whole thing is your fault, do you see what you did???

Then, as punishment for being upset about having to cancel a trip (because it’s a fucking vacation, for God’s sake, how are you complaining about having to cancel a vacation to Iceland when people are out here dying???), just to punish my selfishness, my grandma got sick with COVID-19 from her nursing home and died, terribly and painfully and alone in a hospital where we couldn’t even visit her because this was April and the world was going to hell and it felt like my stupid fucking karma for daring to care about something unimportant. Like the universe was like oh you’re upset about your pathetic little trip???? We’ll give you a reason to be upset.

And so then I went into full reactionary panic mode and refused to let my parents do a n y t h i n g all year. I was like no, anyone could get this and die from it at any point, I am keeping you guys safe. And my mom was miserable and bored and felt constrained and locked down all year and she hated it and I’m sure she probably resented me for it, but I was so desperate to keep my parents safe. And then my mom had an unexpected medical issue and needed what should have been a routine surgery to fix it, and instead she almost died because of a mistake made by her surgeon and she spent the whole summer in the hospital where no one could even visit her until her last week there. And like, she would have died having spent the entire year cooped up in her house and, in her words, “not living,” all because I was trying to keep her safe, and it turns out there are things out there that can get you anyway.

And I know I am beyond privileged and beyond lucky and don’t have any right to complain about anything which makes me feel even worse for feeling like this because I know I haven’t gone through anything compared to what most people have gone through this year. But, fuck. It feels never ending and it feels like it’s all my fault and it feels like I wasted time pre-2020 that now I’ll never get back and it feels like I’ll never feel safe again and it feels like I’m crazy for trying to be safe and careful when no one else takes it seriously and it feels like I’m losing my mind and becoming less of a person because all I can think of when I think of the outside world is fear, even more than I have since basically 2017 when I started expecting to get [redacted] every time I left my house. And now I’d kill to feel safe enough to go to a crowded concert or festival without the fear of contracting or spreading a potentially lethal virus. I just. I just can’t believe this is real life and it’s been this way for a year, I hate it so much and I don’t know how I’m ever going to recover and it feels so fucking stupid and selfish to be like “wah I had a bad year :(” because like...again I’m white and I have a house and had a job and have no fucking right to be upset and yet here I am, as usual, being a baby about things that are not important at all in the grand scheme of things.

it’s just one of those things that makes me realize I really AM probably crazy, because as much as I know it’s impossible that I caused all of this, sometimes it really fucking feels like I caused all of this?? Like I had too many good things that were supposed to happen in 2020 and I was looking forward to too much and so I cursed the whole planet with misery and suffering for having the ego to want good things to happen. oof. i know rationally it’s not true, i don’t actually believe it, but it’s hard to not think that way when my biggest fear was like “this is actually going to be a good year for me? is it bad to hope for that and look forward to it?” and then the answer turned out to be, yes, of course it was bad to expect that, and just to punish you we’re going to destroy the year for everyone in the world. like again i KNOW that’s not true i know it’s stupid to even say that it kind of feels that way sometimes but it kind of feels that way sometimes.

#i just hate myself a little more today for some reason?#also idk why i still talk on tumblr like i did when i was 15 #like go get counseling at this point you fucking loser #anyway #tw: death #tw: 2020 #lmao like kidding but honestly #tw: pathetic fucking loser feeling sorry for herself for no reason???#seriously don't read this i just needed a vent i'll delete it later

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solsticexolos · 4 years

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Personal update and vent about my health.

I'm in bad shape, my friends.

About two years ago I started experiencing chronic pain in my legs and feet. I was fairly used to it, so I shrugged it off and simply pushed through it. A year ago it got much worse. I could no longer run without collapsing. Over the past year it has progressively gotten more severe and the pain was in my ankles, feet, knees, shins, and hips. When it got to the point that I started relying on a cane to alleviate some of the pressure, I talked to the doctor (I know "why wait" but I have a history of doctors blatantly ignoring my symptoms and telling me I'm faking, so...). Scheduled appointments with a neurologist and a rheumatologist. The rheumatologist got pushed out by 10 months. Neurologist ruled out MS, and I was very relieved. Said he suspects Fibromyalgia or Lupus.

Pain continued getting worse, and I finally got in to see the rheumatologist. He suspected fibromyalgia, which was frustrating because it's basically management, but it's also what I was expecting. Then a lab result comes back. High uric acid. Means my kidneys are being a little weird, and it could cause joint pain, but the lack of inflammation is weird. Then another test. Positive for antibodies associated with autoimmune diseases. I have celiac but it's controlled and would not have produced a positive result.

Doctor talked to me and explained it's something "like lupus" but he doesn't suspect it is, in fact, lupus. But we have possible options to suppress it, so I'm panicked but hopeful...for me, growing up with anxiety disorder, panic disorder, PTSD, agoraphobia, dysphoria, and severe depression, and being autistic, I often took comfort in knowing that at least my body worked, I could run and defend myself when I needed to, and I tended to lean on that as a crutch frequently. So...developing physical disability has been extremely hard for me to cope with.

The past week has been worse, and today it was significantly worse, I called the doctor's office basically begging for help, I literally said to the nurse, "please, is there anything you can do?" Which is...unlike me, I can be stubborn to the point of stupidity about insisting I can take care of myself.

Last week I saw my endocrinologist, I've been seeing her for years now for HRT and come to trust her knowledge and judgement readily. When I mentioned the pain (I only see her once a year), she was very alarmed and expressed that in her experience long-term chronic pain like mine is a pre-cursor to a bad flare up, but I figured it was nothing.

Today I could not stand for more than 5 minutes without collapsing. About three minutes and I started shaking everywhere, I could feel it in my legs, my spine, my elbows and shoulders and ribs. And my joints, from my toes to my fingers, feel like they're on fire. I had to take at least an hour of rest, couch-bound, between these 3-5 minute bouts of being up to, ya know, get food and go to the bathroom. It's been about 14 hours now like this. I desperately hope it goes away tomorrow...but tbh, guys, I'm really scared. There is no physical way to get out of my house without stairs. Nothing about this house is wheelchair accessible, so I've been just dragging myself around, trying not to bend my knees to much, on my cane, which is causing serious elbow pain now.

I'm scared this is going to become normal...I couldn't even see my chickens or turkeys today. I don't know what to do with myself. I started crying, and I mean I haven't cried in...a while (due, I assume, to the testosterone because I use to tear up with ease lol).

Anyway, I'm hoping the Dr calls me back tomorrow. I don't know what I expect him to do, maybe prescribe a wheelchair or something at least? Maybe I'll be better tomorrow, that's what I'm hoping for. I feel so bad for my family, I could barely make my own food, couldn't even shower because my dad has ignored my requests for support bars in the shower...and my poor puppy, she was so worried and so badly wanted to play with me today.

Sorry if this sounds like a big pity party lol. I just honestly needed to vent and also have a recount of it to share later with the doctor.

I hope you all are doing well, and sorry I'm slacking on replying to asks. I'm a little short on spoons for now.

#personal #text #vent #disability

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shellyb04 · 4 years

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More Kdrama reviews

So I’m finally back with more kdrama reviews!

Reply 1988- Five friends and their families in one neighborhood in 1988. I can see why people really loved it, but for me, it had some pacing issues. I felt like some episodes dragged on unnecessarily. But the last episodes hit me in a really personal place so it gets a bump for that 8/10

To the Beautiful you- Girl pretends to be a boy and enrolls in all boy school to help her sports idol make a comeback. 6/10. Wish there was more time to after she left the school and more with the other students. It was okay but I wanted...more.

Jugglers-9/10 Secretary and boss romance. I really like this one. Yes, it is fairly predictable but the main leads chemistry is so enjoyable and I liked the secondary leads quite a lot. I did roll my eyes a lot with the "villains" of the show though.

Happy Once Again or One More Happy Ending- Mi Mo and her friends navigate life in their 30s. The four are in four different points on their life despite being the same age. 9/10 I really liked the friendship between the women and how they deal with things in their lives. Only real complaints are that I wish we had less of the doctor and his ex-wife and the weird Conan O'Brien cameo completely took me out of the show.

Protect the Boss-Immature boss with agoraphobia whipped into shape by his "punk" secretary. I love the supporting cast in this a lot as well as the main couple. Could have been shorter and been better though. But it did flip a few tropes in ways that I really liked. 8/10

The legend of the Blue Sea- A mermaid falls for a human in the Joseon era and in modern times. 9/10 I was really skeptical about this one at first. It was gorgeous but started kind of slow. But once I began to understand the plot, I was HOOKED. There were a few twists that kept me guessing. And the love story was great as were ALL of the supporting characters. The main guy is Lee Min Ho and I really like him. I just really loved this one. (Although I do have some questions during the ending)

King 2 Hearts- 10/10 South Korean prince meets North Korean Intelligence officer. Hate to Love, but then the King is assassinated and now there are even more political ramifications. I loved this show from start to finish as you watch the Prince grow into a man and work with his significant other to solve problems. The supporting cast is good. I really like all the characters especially the queen mother. The villain is a bit cringey, but smarter than I first thought. You definitely root for his punishment. The only slight detriment is one that most Korean dramas seem to share. Their English speaking actors are SO BAD. There's one in this that is pretty good, but the rest not so much. Still I really loved this one and plan to revisit it.

I am not a robot- A man with a human allergy makes friends with a newly designed robot...who is actually a human. Cute story. I think the "antagonists" were totally unnecessary to the actual plot. There was a lot more to play with, but overall pretty cute. I felt like the main couple made sense and I loved that she was an inventor. 8/10

Healer- A thief for hire gets entangled with a reporter. 10/10. The mystery works for me, All of the relationships work for me. The romance is *chef's kiss.* The only teeny tiny nitpick is I would have loved a tiny bit more epilogue showing more of the characters new normal. But that is so minor. I just LOVED this one! Seriously, this one is just so good.

Playful kiss- Korean Itazura kiss. 7/10 There were some things in this version that I really liked (Ha Ni not being nearly as clumsy comes to mind) But overall I definitely prefer Mischievous Kiss Love in Tokyo.

Extraordinary You- A girl realizes her life is a comic book...and she's only a supporting player. But a nameless background extra seems to hold the key to changing her fate. 9/10 I LOVED the concept, the parody of romance comics, and the main couple. Really I enjoyed all the characters in one way or another. The only real flaw was the last episode didn't give me enough.

She Was Pretty- Childhood friends and first loves are due to meet up, but girl has gotten "ugly" and has her best friend impersonate her. Then girl gets job where naturally, guy works. As cheesy as the set-up sounds, it is really good. Has a bit of an Ugly Betty vibe at first. 10/10 Both the men are absolutely lovely. The main woman is very real and I understood where she was coming from most of the time. Second love interest is wonderful (Si Won of Super Junior) and I fell in love with him. Also he is super easy on the eyes. The chemistry is there between everyone. The friendship between the two women is amazing! Just really good.

Oh my Ghostess- A virgin ghost possesses a woman's body because she needs to have sex to move on. The person she possesses is a shy timid girl with a crush on her boss. Can the both get what they want? 8.5/10 I liked this one, but the beginning was difficult to get through and I felt some dubious consent vibes throughout as the main guy doesn't know about the ghost. And the woman doesn't know what happens while she's possessed. Ultimately, it all works out, but there's a bit of weirdness in the middle. The acting is pretty good and the side characters are okay, but the fortune-teller/shaman woman is hysterical.

Secret Garden- Rich CEO man and stunt woman switch bodies. 9/10 The only major complaint I have is some of the side stories. I hated the evil Mom and wished she and her sister had been more than moustache twirling villains. This one did get me near tears toward the end as well.

Five Enough-A widowed father of two meets a divorced mother of three. They fall in love and begin to meld into a new family. The drama also follows the widower's brother, sister, and sister-in-law as they find their own relationships. There is a subplot with the ex-husband and his new wife as well. 10/10 This is the first longer drama I watched at 54 episodes it was a lot to get through. The majority of the storylines were so well done and the reality of how to combine the family felt truthful. There were no real crazy plot twists, just a story about family. The only storyline I could've done without was the ex-husband and his new wife. I felt like they were rather unsympathetic no matter how much the drama tried to get me to care. The main couple and the sister's love story were my favorite. I originally started to watch for Sung Hoon, but was quickly drawn in by all the family.

#kdrama #kdrama reviews #reply 1988 #to the beautiful you #jugglers #happy once again #protect the boss #the legend of the blue sea #kings 2 hearts #I am not a robot #healer #playful kiss #extraordinary you #she was pretty #oh my ghostess #secret garden #five enough

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heartmeadows · 4 years

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If I didn't have my creative outlets I'd be so lost. Or rather I'd be more lost. I don't talk here too much about my life anymore. Some of y'all know my battle with mental health, trauma and abuse, addiction, chronic illness and you've been there for me during times I had very little support and help. And honestly I don't think I could've gotten this far if it hadn't been for the kindness, support and acceptance y'all have shown me. It helped me so much in dealing with addiction and getting help. It helped me see myself as a person instead of a worthless junkie like I was told by people irl and that was eye-opening. I have no words to express how grateful I am that you guys helped me understand that I'm more than just my addiction. It helped me change. I'll always be thankful for that. The kindness of y'all makes me want to cry, with happy tears even though I'm not doing good right now. Been crying for hours.

Only once I got an ignorant ask judging me about "ruining my life with drugs" and like, I'm sure it came from the right place but that's not how you help addicts. By the time I knew drug use was destroying me I was in a condition where I couldn't just step out of it and be done. I wanted though and I kept fighting. It's taken years to get to this point and I'm still struggling. But I got better, so much better. Like all that I had thought I'd lost in me came back to me and I reconnected with myself. Things were getting better, you know. Then my mental health turned around again around December and since then I've been barely holding myself together.

I'm just hoping to stay alive and keep myself distracted and not do stupid self destructive things, not hurt myself in any way, just get through each day and make it to another one. I'm lost on what to do anyway beyond that... There's help out there and it was decent but my agoraphobia unfortunately fucked that up cause I couldn't make the appointments anymore and the pressure of the treatment was getting to me. I don't know if I should go to a closed mental ward or if I should just continue with the outpatient program. Those are logical, right things to do. But I can't commit to any sort of treatment for a multitude of reasons. I've tried for years. It's ultimately for me to decide. And regardless I got this far because of myself. I survived my childhood abuse and struggles by myself, you know. There's more to this subject of course and I shouldn't have to deal with these serious issues on my own. But maybe people don't understand getting help isn't magic and that it takes years to get anything that actually helps. I've made more progress on my own than in therapy, etc. Medication has helped but it also came with huge downfalls. Being severely mentally ill is even harder than you'd think.

Despite how much I struggle at the end of the day I know I'm not bad, I'm not a monster, I'm not a useless, worthless being like I've been told by myself and others... I know I have more than "just few more good years left" in me, there's no such thing as women "hitting the wall" as they age. Fuck that and fuck men who only "value" us as long as we look young. But I digress...

I know that there's so much good in me, so much love to give and life yet to live. But I'm so exhausted right now I have nothing to give to others and it's hurting my relationships. But I'm hurting more. I can't be the rock anymore. I need a break from everything but such a thing is a fever dream. Can't escape yourself, you know. I'm rambling...

I won't go into great detail about things here anymore though because it's triggering for others and my whole life experience is a Pandora's box of heavy topics and this is a place for me to escape as I'm sure it's for some of you, too. A lot of it is too much for anyone to handle so I do not want to put that burden on the people who follow me. Especially since I'm sure I have lots of younger people following me. Not that younger people can't experience mental illness and addiction or chronic illness, unfortunately I've seen my share of younger and younger people going through what I'm going through. I know life doesn't treat most of us well.

But my point is I want to keep this space as safe as possible. It is my blog obviously and I don't stress about it. I take hiatuses without even saying I am and I return when I sim again and it works. I'm lucky that so many people enjoy what I post and stay around even when I disappear. I always come back. Been playing since I was about 13 years old and Sims helped me survive and it still does. Occasionally I do post very personal things and some heavy topics will be discussed. I will tag those with trigger warnings! But for the most part I just want to spread some positivity and creativity. Sorry this got so long and rambly! I really needed to get some things off my mind. I hope y'all are alright! Anyone who's also struggling just know that you're not alone. It's not easy, I can't offer my help but I wish I could. I hope y'all stay safe and find joy even in one small thing every day 💕

#long post #nonsims #personal #mental health tw #drug mention tw

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noahstm · 4 years

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( maxence danet fauvel. twenty-three. cis male. three siblings. ) - have you seen NOAH GOTHEL walking around auradon university ? i hear a lot of people talking about how the JUNIOR is taking ECOLOGY which makes sense because of how + OUTGOING they are. they come across very - NAIVE too , which makes sense as the ADOPTED SECOND child of MOTHER GOTHEL. when i see them , i think of RIPS SEWN NEATLY SHUT, BIRDS FLYING AWAY IN THE DISTANCE, THE WARMTH OF FRESHLY BAKED BREAD, CONSTANT TERROR THAT YOU’RE UNRAVELLING , and the most interesting thing about them is [ REDACTED ] , but you didn’t hear that from me.

heyo, its rose, and here’s muse number TWO. this intro is gonna be more In Depth bc i have absolutely Nothing on his blog rn. that’s also because… Well. i’d like to plot a whole lot with noah first bc just based around his character he is going to be extremely influenced by the people around him. you’ll see what i mean when i Go In.

basics.

name. noah gothel age. 23 dob. september 3, 1997 pob. the isle gender + pronouns. cis male + he/him sexuality. bi bi bi (all my muses are bi unless i say otherwise) height. six foot two. weight. 160lbs. (he’s just like a tall, skinny tree). distinguishing features. height, messy hair, sweet smile, raccoon eyes,

background.

SO. noah was born on the isle to some lower level grunts and was sold to a thief’s ring for fifty dollars when he was six. hold on there’s a lot more trauma to go.

besides being fucking six, he was the worst thief the guild had ever had, and they were thisclose to getting rid of him when mother gothel found him and offered to take him off their hands. she’s told noah again and again this was out of the goodness of her heart, but it… really wasn’t.

she basically saw this little sad sweet boy and thought “sweet!!!!! free child labor!!!!!!”

ever since he moved in, mother gothel had him doing chores. and noah did this happily, because after being abandoned once and told he was useless every day by the guild, he was happy to be helpful. plus, as gothel was so eager to remind him, he should be grateful for all she’d done for him. and he was, he really was.

noah never really properly enrolled in school. sure, when he could, he loved to read his siblings’ books or anything else he could find, but gothel told noah she needed him at home. he cooked, he cleaned, he did errands, he did essentially everything gothel asked of him.

the world outside of their home was, indeed, dangerous, as gothel loved to remind him. besides doing errands once a week, noah really never left the house.

and then (and this is a massive wc) noah saw Them. probably while running errands one day, but noah saw a kid his age, the most beautiful person he’d ever seen, and convinced himself that that was his true love. he mentioned it to his mother once, and she completely shut it down, so he didn’t mention it again. but still, he Yearned.

in fact it’s very likely he never really spoke to them at all sigh. but he was still convinced that they were his one true love. he probably left them like, little flowers and stuff, whatever he could find. real secret admirer type shit.

and then, when he heard his One True Love would be leaving for aurau, he was torn. because he didn’t want to leave his mother and the world he knew, but also… he hadn’t yet told his one true love how he felt. so, he applied without telling his mother. also like, now that he had a chance to leave the isle, part of him really wanted to take it.

he tried to sneak out without her noticing, but it didn’t work. won’t get into specifics, but ofc gothel was upset and tried to manipulate and gaslight the shit out of him and then noah pushed her, forgetting his own strength, and she fell to the floor and he ran away and he still thinks about that every night because he feels awful.

and then, of course, he gets to auradon and his One True Love, who is almost definitely and rightly creeped the fuck out that this guy they barely know followed them all the way here, and he realizes he’s fucked up. they don’t want him, and he sees himself as they see him and it hurts. he’s scared them. he’s somehow become a monster.

but he didn’t leave, because… because he knew if he returned to the isle, he’d never be able to leave the house again.

plus, he… he kind of likes auradon. there’s fresh fruit and beautiful parks, stores where they sell fresh flowers and warm bread. and school is hard, it’s insanely hard, but he likes it, anyways. he probably has a tutor (another wc) who helps him through it.

tbh tho he’s probably like. just started leaving campus. he has highkey agoraphobia and if he ever thinks he’s gotten lost he has a panic attack.

that’s another reason he hasn’t really left campus the past couple years; his mental health is in the garbage. he did start seeing a therapist first year, but he’s so eager to please that he was basically lying to them nonstop until recently.

he also has crazy insomnia, is known to take naps at random spots around campus to make up for his lack of sleep; has psychosomatic headaches and stomachaches; doesn’t like to express emotions besides happiness period; has regular panic attacks; has a favorite bathroom stall to cry in. he’s goin through it constantly and thinks about going back to the isle every day.

BUT he’s finally putting himself out there, actively trying to meet people and make friends. we love growth.

also he found a cat that he named polkadot and he doesn’t want to abandon him

besides all of that, a lot of him and his past is really down to the plotting bc like…. he really is a chronic people pleaser, not to mention extremely naive and gullible. so how people have interacted with him is really going to affect how he turns out. how someone as sweet as him managed to survive the isle should be a mystery, but it isn’t; he survived because he was put through his own hell to keep him that way.

wanted connections.

“””””one true love”””””” just pls. pls. any gender at all they just gotta be a vk around his age.

manipulator. someone play this fool like a fucking violin, if you even have the gall to lie to his puppy dog eyes.

tutor. pls…… he needs……. all the help he can get…….

protector. someone who looks at this gullible sweetheart and like. just wants what’s best for him at all costs.

bad influence. now that he’s finally trying to have a social life there’s gotta be SOMEONE who wants to bring him to the dark side

im so fucking open with noah give me everything literally everything he needs friends

#aurauintro #fuck u ready for the tws here we go #human trafficking tw #child abuse tw #emotional abuse tw #emotional manipulation tw #stalking tw #???????? idk if it counts as stalking but Uh its not kosher #panic attack mention tw #ptsd tw #also just realized i used the wrong to in the graphic but yk what fuck it

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sorenmarie87 · 5 years

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My Star Child

Summary: Chuck brings the stars to you.

Square Filled: Stargazing (Fluff)

Pairing(s)/Character(s): Chuck x Reader, Your brother.

Word Count: 1,479

Warning(s): THIS IS SO FLUFFY OMG. One sexual comment about an orange but that’s about it. Reader has agoraphobia.

A/N: This was written for @spnfluffbingo2019

I do not own any of the pictures I used in my aesthetic. I also hate to say this but if you’re reading this fic - please be over 18.

SPN Fluff Bingo 2019

Chuck came into your life when you needed him the most. It was like your prayers had been answered when he wandered into your room. After that, the two of you spent everyday talking and getting to know each other. You knew that when he wasn’t there, he was at work. He told you that he worked weird hours. You sent him a text from your brother’s phone once you were released. It wasn’t until you got home to check your phone, but there was a text from Chuck asking if you wanted to get dinner with him sometime. After the accident, you were afraid to leave your house. So you replied and your first date was at your house.

You barely talked about the accident with him, but whenever nightmares woke you up at night, Chuck was the first one you’d call. The two of you had been together for a couple years before you asked him to move in.

“My brother is going to take me to my doctor’s appointment tomorrow and as much as I hate this, grocery shopping afterwards. You made a list of what we need right?” Chuck kissed your temple and pointed towards the counter.

“There’s some stuff that I need to pick up for a project, but I can do that after I get off of work.” You made your way back towards the kitchen counter with a pen in hand and added a few more items to the list.

Chuck moved behind you to get to the fridge. You heard him rummage around until he found the last bottle of wine you had. You smiled as you opened the cabinet in front of you and handed him a couple of wine glasses. He filled one and handed it to you.

“I'll be fine by myself, won't I?” You traced the rim with your thumb as Chuck finished pouring his glass.

“Of course you will. Your brother will be with there and you know I’m only a call away if you need me.”

You smiled before taking a sip of wine. “Yeah, I know. You wanna go watch a movie?”

“Bad Times At The El Royale?”

“You just wanna see Chris Hemsworth without a shirt on.” You smirked and watched a faint blush form on his face. “Aw babe, don’t be embarrassed.”

“Can’t help it.”

“I know babe, I know.” You squeezed his empty hand as the two of you walked down the hallway towards the bedroom you shared.

“Mini movie marathon until we go to bed?”

“Yes please.” You fell asleep long before Chuck. He smiled as you rolled over on your side away from him. He reached for his tablet that was sitting on his night stand, and made some final adjustments to a surprise he was planning for you.

<< My doctor wants me to start journaling and he upped a couple of my meds. He also took me off that one pill that was causing stomach problems.

>> It’s about time.

<< Right? I have to get blood work done but after that I get to face hell.

>> You’ll do fine. I love you~~

<< Love you too, Chuck.

Chuck smiled as he pocketed his phone and pulled his glasses on. If he wanted to get this set up before you got home, he had to work fast. The bed room the two of you shared had those plastic glow in the dark stars all over the wall. With a can of paint in one hand, and a couple different paint brushes in the other, he carefully removed the stars one at a time and in their place a permanent star was painted on the wall. He looked up at the ceiling and frowned.

“Damn it, I should’ve brought the ladder with me.” Chuck ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. “I really didn’t want to do this but, here goes nothing.” With a snap of his fingers, the ceiling was covered with painted stars. He groaned as he hooked up the projector to his laptop. He knew that for the other part of this plan, he'd have to use his telescope in the back yard, but that could wait until the sun went down.

Chuck snapped his fingers once again and everything was put back into its place. He took his time coming downstairs once he heard the front unlock and voices downstairs. You were finally home.

Even with your brother’s help, it still took you three trips to bring everything in. Your brother was sitting at the kitchen table with a drink in front of him. “You know, you could help me put some of this away.”

“I don’t live here. Why don’t you get Chuck to help you?” You sighed and rolled your eyes and threw one of the oranges that had gotten loose at your brother. It missed him completely but Chuck strolled into the kitchen with it in his hand.

“Do we have runaway fruit or did you try throwing something at your brother?” That actually made your brother laugh.

“You can take that orange and shove it up your ass.” Chuck laughed as he placed the orange he was holding in the fruit bowl on the counter and kissed your cheek with a grin. He moved away quickly as you attempted to swat at him, and started putting the canned food away.

“There are other things you can shove up there, Y/N just no oranges.”

“And on that note, I’ll see you guys next week for dinner.” Your brother hugs you and he claps Chuck on the shoulder before leaving. You hear his car start up and the two of you work on putting the rest of the groceries away.

“I’m pooped.” You flopped face first into the couch as Chuck finished up the dishes from dinner. “Is it bedtime yet?”

“Not quite.” Chuck lifted you up from the couch with a huge grin on his face and sat back down on the couch, placing you in his lap. “I worked on something while you were out today.”

You shifted so that you could run your free hand through his beard. “Was it something for work or what?”

“More of a personal project for the woman I love.”

“What did you do Chuck?” Moving your arms around his neck, he picked you up once again. Only this time the two of you headed upstairs towards the bedroom and you raised an eyebrow.

“Look, there’s nothing sexual about this.” You looked at him as he opened the bedroom door and tossed you on the bed. You bounced on the bed with a chuckle as he kissed your forehead. “I need to do something real quick, so you need to wait here. Don’t move, okay?”

“Fine.”

“Are you sleeping?” Chuck’s voice suddenly appeared out of nowhere but you kept your eyes closed.

“Just resting my eyes. I’m currently waiting for this handsome man that I call my boyfriend to get back.” You cracked one open and he was hovering next to the bed with a smile on his face. “You haven’t seen him by chance have you?”

“I might’ve passed him on the way in. He was mumbling something about how excited he was to give his girlfriend some form of present. He didn’t say what it was though.” Chuck laid down beside you in the middle of the bed and he lifted his arm so that you could rest your head on his chest. “He did tell me one thing though.”

“What’s that?”

“You need to look up.”

You opened your eyes slowly and took in the sight above you. Protected on the ceiling was the night sky in all its glory. “Chuck, oh my god, how?”

“I know that stargazing is one of your favorite things to do but since the accident - you don’t leave the house that often. I just wanted to bring the stars to you.”

“It’s so beautiful.” A tear slid down your cheek and Chuck wiped it away. “I never thought I’d get to see this sight ever again.”

“You’ll get there eventually, Y/N. I know you will. Until then, let me be the one who brings the stars to you.”

The two of shared a kiss before Chuck pulled away and started pointing out constellations. You watched as a shooting star went across your ceiling and you smiled. “I love you to the moon and back, you know that right?”

“I love you too my star child.”

It wasn’t until you started to drift asleep that you noticed the room was different. You made a mental note to ask Chuck when you wake up but you went to sleep with a smile on your face. The man who created the stars was the one who brought them to you. That would be another conversation for another time.

Forever Tags - @lovetusk @coffee-obsessed-writer@justballoonfishthings @mirajanefairytailmage @kazosa@wings-of-a-raven @docharleythegeekqueen@clockworkmorningglory@lefthologramdeer @ellen-reincarnated1967 @holyfuckloueh@idreamofplaid@buckyscrystalqueen @ilovetaquitosmmmm@n3rdybird @super-fan-of-all-things @disneymarina @sandlee44@babykalika2001

#spnfluffbingo #Chuck x Reader #Chuck Shurley x Reader #God!Chuck x Reader #SPN fluff #Chuck Shurley fluff #Reader Insert #so fluffy

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purplepeoplelickingtruthpeddler · 5 years

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Alright y'all. It's been a day. I'm back at it again begging for help.

In the midst of the last week, my dad did a tailspin and started drinking again, and became abusive. He tried to hide it, but it's obvious. This morning it reached a height that was just too much. Fool me once, fool me twice, not a third time. I left him where he was and decided to make a 5 hour drive home alone from San Antonio to Dallas. I was planning to do that trip alone anyways until he decided to come along, whether or not it was a huge step in my disability, because I had to do it to see the only family I have left that I genuinely care about and trust. And the drive home started out generally okay, scary but not as disastrous as I expected, as my disability tells me and lies to me.

If you've read about my recent "adventures" you'll know my ex gave me a concussion a week and a half ago-ish. My dad was going to move in with me and help me with rent. But nope, not anymore. I'm going to go out of the oven and into the frying pan with him. I just... refuse to be hurt by ppl anymore.

I was considering getting a part time job somewhere small that would still be a huge challenge for my disability and but cover some of my rent. I was gonna talk that over with my therapist and evaluate things, because it would mean losing a chance at disability. I was feeling accomplished and strong.

But about 3 hours into my drive home, I got into a car accident. My car was totalled. This only serves to reinforce my Agoraphobia and panic disorder because my worst fears came true. I'm fighting a lot of things right now, PTSD included, and I'm fighting not to let this cause a relapse too. My airbags didn't go off, they somehow were faulty, but I've gotten away with a head and back injury that will only need to be addressed by a chiropractor in time, if I'm lucky, and if it didn't exacerbate the concussion I was already recovering from thanks to my ex. Going to an emergency care clinic again when I get picked up.

I'm gonna have to fight my abusive mom when she picks me up in a few minutes from the tow place where I'm waiting. I've already received texts from my "father" shaming me, as if I got into an accident because I left him there. Minutes after panicking and dissociating on the highway while a cop tells me he's "going to have to list me as at fault because they don't have enough info on the guy who took off behind me", I got texts telling me that if I had just stuck around for that abusive behavior then this wouldn't have happened. Actually I've panicked worse with his driving and his abusive behavior in the last week than I did driving alone. I wasn't panicking when it happened either, which is what I'm holding onto tightly right now so I don't relapse. It was simply bad traffic and bad drivers and construction on the biggest interstate in Texas. I'm fighting a lot internally not to let everything get to me.

I almost killed myself a couple of months ago and everyday for the last week I've covered the self-harms marks with makeup out of shame, and just, plain, fought. Fought to be independent from people like my ex and my dad and my mom. I'm still fighting.

So now half-baked plans for a part time job... I don't even know how. I don't know how I'd get back and forth to work with Agoraphobia and panic disorder and no trustworthy and unabusive friends or family nearby to help give me rides. I legit don't know how I'm going to pay rent in a few days. I don't know how much more can be taken from me and how much lower things can get right now.

So I guess I'm raising money temporarily for rent and now a car. Cashapp is the best way to do that because PayPal isn't good for much practically whereas cashapp has an actual visa card.

My cash tag is $elirria

If any of this doesn't make sense... Idk what to tell you I just got into a car accident on top of disabilities and recent injuries and I'm doing my best. But if you could spread this around or help in any way I'd really appreciate it.

#self harm tw #self harm mention #suicide mention #abuse tw #car accident tw #parental abuse tw #domestic abuse tw

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calliecosplay · 6 years

Photo

Hi Guys and Gals! Thank you so very much for your continued love and support during this difficult time. Here's a pic of myself and my two loves who have been helping me *so* much at home. New Update with details on my GoFundMe Campaign here: https://www.gofundme.com/emergency-surgery-gone-wrong&rcid=…

I am still raising much needed funds, especially now with the new diagnosis (HUGE ISSUES WITH CARPAL TUNNEL) and complications and potential surgeries. Thank you so very much to every who has contributed, kept up to date with news, and shared this campaign. If you all can share again, that would be immensely helpful. I'll be sharing things again more consistently on my social media.

I also wanted to share this on here, but there are more ways to donate/help out and even get stuff too since I am going to be editing pics and I've added digital prints in my online store. Go here to see more: https://calliescloset.storenvy.com/

~~~ALSO~~~ I've had a lot of you also ask for my Amazon wishlist. Now, I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be publicly sharing a wishlist, but I made a "Medical Wishlist" just for things that can really help me both physically and mentally during these times. A lot of what's on the list are products that have helped me in the past and also stuff that my drs and therapists have recommended. It means so much to me that so many of you are helping me during this time, and that so many of you are asking how you can help as well. So, I've made another option other than just donating or supporting via my Patreon or Print Shop. Here's the link to the wishlist: http://a.co/iAJLwmy

There are a lot of ways you can help out, whether it's by checking out the links, supporting me in any of those ways, or by just sharing and/or following me on here while I try to get a grasp on my health and get my life back. All the links are neatly organized here: https://linktr.ee/calliecosplay

Thank you guys and gals so much. I hope to be posting soon with good news surrounding all of my medical stuff and my life in general. There have been many moving parts to this whole thing, those contributing to worsening my conditions and those also (more recently) working to improve my health in every way. I'm anticipating for the very day I feel good enough (and get drs approval) to shoot again, as I've been really itching to cosplay! It does help me feel better and I'm hopeful to do another cosplay by the end of this year. I love you all so much, and again, thank you so much!

<3 Leah

More Detailed Update: Things have gotten a little crazier. I have been sleeping for very long periods of time and have been extremely sick (almost throwing up daily, multiple times a day) and yeah...just waiting for the HCG hormone to still come down. I need to call several drs to get tests done. My gyno does want to do chemo (one injection for now) because my HCG is still not hitting zero. I'm trying to wait until it does before I call him back so I am praying each week that my HCG will be at 0 and then maybe I won't need the chemo. Still weekly tests until it is at 0. My meds have increased, so they are costing more, sadly. With the miscarriage being so extensive and difficult, my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome has gotten worse so my dislocations are more frequent, extensive, and painful. It has also triggered Carpal Tunnel Syndrome severely in both hands, wrists, forearms, and up to my shoulder. I am having to wear braces to bed every night on my wrists. I had to decline a job I had gotten on base that I really wanted because of my health. I have been deemed unable to work by my doctors and they have referred me to Occupational Medicine to work with me on a disability claim. We do not know how long that will take. It could be months. Obviously, it is another month, so I do need help in getting insurance again for this month. I do have some good news that I will be sharing soon about some legal things that have been resolved! This will help immensely in getting through this and moving forward. My depression and anxiety has been bad and once again, my agoraphobia has peaked and I've been a shut in for the last month. I haven't posted much since I haven't really been on my phone or computer. Just trying to get better and move forward. Accepting some difficult stuff...the carpal tunnel is now preventing me from doing a lot of the stuff I love (playing my clarinet, playing on the computer, or even really being as social on the interwebs via my laptop or phone). I also have a bad ganglion cyst in my right wrist that has gotten bigger and very painful. We are looking at surgery for that and after the carpal tunnel results, we will look at surgery for treating and potentially fixing that as well.

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naturebonestudio · 6 years

Text

So I’ve decided I’m gonna start venting on here more because you gotta vent somewhere right?

I know I usually end all my mental health rants on a positive note about how I’m putting myself back together after a breakdown and am getting back to making art but REAL TALK, this has been a horrible year for me.

Sparing most of the details, my personal relationships have been a mess. My closest friends have all moved far away and nearly lost touch with me or betrayed me, my ex who I still loved committed suicide in March 2017 which still makes me feel devastated on a regular basis. Following his death I feel back into extreme depression/BPD episodes and bad habits and made some hasty and poor life choices- including letting a guy is only been seeing for a month move in with me. I soon after found out he was not a good person and I spent most of the last year living in that toxic relationship which hurt me deeply and rehashed many of the C-PTSD issues I was recovering from back to fresh wounds. That relationship cost me a lot emotionally and financially- I have since been scraping by month to month with assistance from my dad (bless him for his help). Just when I finally cut ties 100% with my toxic ex and was ready to start pulling myself together, my grandma nearly died in Breast Cancer surgery. My grandma has always been my rock and the person I turn to with all my problems and I love her more than basically anyone on earth. She needed 24/hr care for nearly 4 months straight with only my mom and I to provide for her. I basically stopped working and dropped my whole life to be by her side during that time. I wish I could say she has improved but even though she can walk again and her wounds are very slowly healing, it has all taken a toll on her usually sharp mind. She is in her late 70’s and since the multiple surgeries she’s had her memory is nearly gone. She repeats the same conversations over and over, blames my mom for all the things she looses (which is causing a lot of fighting and drama), gets really upset that she can’t recall things and is confusing the present for the past quite often. It is so hard for my mom and I to watch her going through this and we can’t do anything to make it better. My mom has been relying on me for emotional support but I myself have been crumbling. The person I would usually turn to for support is my mom and grandma but now I feel like they need me and I’m barely able to be any help. It makes me feel terrible.

With my old shopmate moved away, I work alone in my studio now and with my ex bf and ex best friend both moved out I’m down to one roommate (I’m used to having 3-4) and he works nights a lot and sleeps most of when he’s not working so I am completely alone for around 80% of my time. Don’t get me wrong, part of my introverted nature loves this but also in coupling with my overthinking and many reasons to feel sad/worried/upset it is not great for my mental health. I’ve even applied to some part-time jobs just to get out more and have a more stable income but none have called me back seeing as my resume mostly lists my past work experience as “self employed artist” for the past 4 years. That doesn’t exactly make a great reference for most jobs. Attempts made on Facebook to advertise renting my extra shop space has yielded no new shopmate or rent income but has gotten me many many creepy men sending me friend requests and often inappropriate messages which has just been an added frustration on top of feeling lonely, isolated, anxious and depressed often.

I’m trying my very best to throw myself back into art/work full-time even on bad days, to be kind to and care for myself, to stay hopeful and in control of my own thoughts, avoid self harmful behaviors, use coping skills and reach out for help when I need it without hating myself for it... but it’s hard.

It’s so damn hard.

So here’s a nice photo of me being the sad deranged creature that I am- putting on spook makeup just to mope around my apartment and washing my it off to avoid attention when I have to defy my agoraphobia and go into the world of humans.

I’m trying hard to have a little more love for myself.

#jean speaks #selfie #self love #depresion #ptsd #panic disorder #self ham #eating disroders #anxiety #venting #personal

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thehiddenlawyer · 6 years

Text

At Last-- the Light!

(This is going to be REALLY full of split personalities and slightly manic…tones so y’know, you’ve been warned.

And everything I say below is my own life experience, and it does not claim to be objective or the truth. Just me. It’s also frantic and disjointed so forgive me. I’ll try to be more articulate later.)

You, darling Patrick, have your lizard, your cigarettes and your drink, I have my words since I don’t keep alcohol in the house and refuse to get more cigarettes.

Oh my darling man, my darling Patrick, don’t let me down. Don’t let yourself down…just hang on a bit longer. It gets better, I swear. Just hold on tight.

A few months ago when the trailers came out, the people closest to me saw what a terrifying impact the trailers by themselves had on me. With no exaggeration I tell you that I cried 48 hours straight when the trailer was released that had the bits of Some Hope in it, where he says he wants to break out into the real world. I told my sister that I had a breakdown, I told my Johnny and my other best friend that I was reacting like this, predictably I told @sobeautifullyobsessed (hereafter SBO) that I wasn’t handling it well at all. SBO reassured me, as she always does in her loving way. My sister and two best friends were so concerned that they were insisting that I just walk away from Patrick Melrose altogether, basically just burn the books, burn the memory of the TV shows existence, just ignore it completely.

I know a few of you lovelies here did that and I completely understand.

But there’s always been something about me that likes looking at things that terrify me. Like I’m arachnophobic and willingly walked into the tarantula exhibit at the zoo once, just to face my own terror (I didn’t last long and ran out of there hyperventilating and literally crashing into the walls). I don’t do well with crowds and always need to see my exit (massive agoraphobia that kept me away from the Infinity War premiere in LA) so a few weeks ago when I in an overcrowded pub, I kept looking behind me to feel the helplessness of being trapped.

So I refused to not watch Patrick Melrose.

Hell, I’ve been waiting for this adaptation for lifetimes it seems, so why the actual fudge would I not watch it?

And me, being me, didn’t want to admit this was happening to my therapist. I was somehow convinced that she would certify me as a loon and tell me I’m beyond help. Like I had this actual fear that my reaction to Patrick Melrose was a sign of completely mental instability, not just mental illness. I felt like if I admitted to my therapist that I cried for 48 hours straight because of that trailer, or that I consumed every atom of information about the TV adaptation that I could even though it made me physically sick to see Patrick, she was going to call the hospital and have me locked away.

I was convinced.

But I told her, because I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

And she looked at me the way all therapists look at their patients, as if they know we’re waiting for them to tell us we’re hopeless, and she asked me to articulate why I loved this character so much. I outlined it the way I have for you guys, the way I have for Mr. C. in a hapless letter I sent along for him a bit ago, and she blew me away. She told me she saw the parallels, definitely understood why I was so taken with this character and why I was reacting so…viciously to it all.

Then she asked me the most simple question—she asked “how does his story end?”

And I very clearly remember sitting in my therapist’s cramped office and weeping when I remembered At Last, weeping because I remembered the way he picked himself up, the way he shed all that darkness and embraced this new and beautiful life with his wife and children. He rendered the venom useless, he was finally victorious.

But again, me being me, and Patrick being my Patrick, I was doing a book-by-book comparison with my life. I had this running list in my head:

Book 1- Never Mind- Patrick, aged 5. It begins, he escapes into the gecko. Me, aged 5. It began, I escaped into creating characters in my head to escape.

Book 2- Bad News- Patrick, early 20’s. Addictions galore. Ishtar, early 20’s. Addictions galore.

Book 3- Some Hope- Patrick- late 20’s. Law school. Wants to stop existing and start living, tired of hating. Ishtar- late 20’s….well, I’m late 20’s right now. Law school, want to live, tired of hating.

Book 4 and Book 5— early 40’s Patrick……..But I’m still 28.

So I saw the last two books as like a prediction to how I’ll end. Slipping and sliding through sobriety, failing at being a mother and wife, at being a daughter and sister, failing at being me because I haven’t been able to let go.

In my previous post about Mother’s Milk I talked about my inability to connect to the book but the 5th resonated with me.

Mother’s Milk Patrick, I’m starting to understand, hurt me deeply. He let me down.

He was this example for me. Like I got to Some Hope and I was like “okay. Good. Good! This is REALLY good. This means I’m going to be okay. This means I’m going to live through all these memories and nightmares and all my failures.”

In the beginning of Mother’s Milk I had the sense of “okay! He’s married! He has a family! He’s having babies! Good! That means that by the time I’m his age, since everything else has held true….then I’m going to have a family of my own too.”

And then he slipped. And he broke my heart.

Darling please don’t drink, for us.

He led me down. He led me down big time, because if Patrick slipped and fell, then that was my inventible fate…Weird thinking ain’t it?

But that’s the way it is.

Don’t give up. Hold on a little longer. It gets better.

It has too.

The last book was…weird for me in A LOT of ways.

I don’t deal with death very easily or at all. I know most people don’t but…I’ll explain in a bit.

I’ve told people that I thought I could trust and gotten a horrendous response to my confession.

I’ve been obsessed with sex, understanding sex, understanding the difference between sex and intimacy in my own life, failing, and finding myself disgusted with the simplest touches.

And the tv adaptation caught something that I really appreciate—the resistance to touch. I’ve never verbally talked to anyone except my therapist about my past, I’ve mentioned it in passing to my sister and friends. But even if I’m just thinking about what happened, I can’t stand the idea of being touched. I hate being touched, I really do. If you ever meet me in real life, do not be offended that I don’t like being touched. Like, even if I’m sitting on the couch with someone I adore, and their thigh is touching mine just because we’re squished together, I will contort my body so that we’re not touching.

I can’t stand it.

And I like that the TV showed it, when he’s with Mary and telling her about his rage.

Death—

I’ve emphasized this a few times but I want to again—I have a great relationship with my parents. I don’t tell them everything but I confide most things in them. I worship the ground they walk on but they are human, and like all parents, they gave me some baggage.

As an adult, as someone both paranoid and curious about why I am the way I am, I’ve come to recognize that I had massive anxiety as a child. This anxiety in children usually manifests itself in the child’s inability to let go. I get teased, to this day, about the fact that I would cry if mom had to throw away an old pair of shoes or an old, broken tie. The concept of good-bye, of being deprived of someone/something was unbearable. I remember sitting in the spider infested attic alone in Iran one time, weeping, because I knew my parents had thrown away a pair of shoes that were completely useless. We also lived with my grandparents back then, and they were in their 80’s when I was born—beautiful, inspiring souls, I adored them. But my grandma would inadvertently say things that all the old women in my culture and most Middle Eastern cultures say, asking me what if I’d weep for her when she died, if I’d be sad. She wasn’t being malicious, she was just asking her youngest and favorite granddaughter about her reaction.

Instead of understanding from my parents, I got rolled eyes from them. They’d tuck me into bed between them, usually little spoon to mom’s big spoon, with dad’s lips pressed in a sleepy, mustachioed kiss to my forehead. They’d murmur sleepily that I shouldn’t worry about it, that I should just say my prayers, that it was all going to be okay. I’d fall asleep nestled between these two human beings that I love more than anything else, so secure in their love and comfort, and just have panic attacks about losing them someday.

Those grandparents passed away, out of my visual sight, in Iran a few years ago.

My other grandma, however, is a death that cut me very deeply.

I’ve always been this weird source of strength for my family and I have no idea why. I’m both my parents’ confidant, I always have been. If something’s bugging them, I’m the first person they turn to. So when my other grandma got extremely sick and slipped into a coma, my mom turned to me, and asked me if they should sign the DNR order.

I was 22.

I carried my family through that ordeal, making funeral arrangements…all the business of death because I didn’t want mom to go through it.

But that horrible, horrible anxiety tripled and quadrupled and I stay awake nights thinking about death. About the death of my loved ones, about death of my enemies, about my own death.

With everything happening these past few weeks, I’m going to admit that I have been suicidal in the past. When Patrick in At Last talks about being on the motorway or being in a tall building and wondering if the fall would be fatal…I’ve done that and I have bad days when I do that. It’s with…shame and terror at my own thinking that I admit the first thing I thought of when I moved to San Francisco was that I’m by the ocean, I live by a cliff, there are three bridges in my vicinity, the university is six stories tall, and even my own flat is high enough.

And the only reason I haven’t taken advantage of a tall building is I can’t do that to my mom and dad.

My best friend and I have weird sense of humor- my Jonny that I always go on about. Just like Patrick and his Johnny, we joke about death all the time. But sometimes I wonder if he realizes I’m not completely kidding…

So, I live, and I kept the promise to myself and I’ve found the light.

It flickers, but it’s there.

Just hang on darling, one more night. The sun’s going to shine again tomorrow, I promise. I swear.

Don’t give up.

So imagine my reaction when Patrick ends up in the suicide ward…There was a sense of “hmm, maybe I’m ahead of schedule?” and “shit! I’m gonna end up there too!”

As far as suicide, I’m ahead of schedule, I promise.

But how the fuck do you deal with death???

The Confessions

One of the most…nightmarish things I read in the book was Patrick’s confession to Eleanor that he’d been raped, and her response of “me too.”

Like what the fuck.

Christ this is gonna be a long post if I have to go into it….

I can’t forgive Eleanor, as much as I can’t ever forgive David.

Eleanor was raped and abused too, but she wasn’t a helpless 5-year-old kid.

I can’t accept any excuses for her. Patrick may have forgiven her but I really can’t.

When my need for verbal vomit and endless confessions started, I had this weird mental list of people I’d tell.

Jonny, by default. And everyone else kinda started popping up randomly, and I mean these people from my real life. My sister was a last minute surprise, so was my other best friend.

My other sister…she’s being proven a disaster…As some of you know, I’m getting a Patrick Melrose tattoo in a few weeks time and I’ve been having fun trying to figure out how I’ll justify it to people—especially my parents. But this unknowing sister of mine is going to be the one that protests the most, and I don’t know what to tell her. Do I just ask her to read the books again so I can gauge her reaction? Or do I just say “never mind” and walk away?

There are two other people that I’ve told that left me….bleeding, and so disappointed.

One is a cousin that’s more like a sister and my best friend. She’s pretty close to me in age but older. We’ve told each other pretty much everything since we were kids. We’re partners in crime. If I find a way to get into trouble, she’s always along for the ride. Everyone in the family just thinks of us as being joined at the hip. So during the verbal vomit, I went to her house because she’s a BC addict too and we used to have marathons (you’ll see in a moment why I’ve retracted from this great love of mine). She was in the kitchen, and this is a week after I started therapy, and she studies psychology by the way. We were chattering and gossiping nonstop like we always do, and I felt the words, the confession bubble through me in an unstoppable force. She would be the second person I was going to tell…and I basically just blurted it out, and told her why I was so angry when I found out they’d invited all three of my rapists to her wedding. She didn’t really say anything, just raged for a bit and we dropped the subject. When the craziness with Patrick Melrose started though, I ran to her first, and I told her that I was reacting this passionately and it was scary and could she please just listen to me.

You know what she said?

“Just stop thinking about it. Bad things happen to everyone. Just stop thinking about it.”

She shut me down, and I don’t know if she’s realized that I’ve completely shut her out too.

I share my joys with her, and she still turns to me when she needs an ear to chew but I haven’t had a real conversation with her ever since that day. I can’t trust her anymore, it still stings to get shut down like that.

I like the basic principal, I would LOVE to stop thinking about it but...it’s not that easy.

The other disappoint was another friend, a former lover who has become a friend anyway. I emailed her my story, and she responded with an email that was more about her than me. But I forced sympathy between the lines and took it for myself, even though it wasn’t there. But she did reassure me that she would be there for me, no matter what, always and forever.

And when I couldn’t help being overcome by what has been happening as I heal…I sent her a text in a manic, panicked state, begging for a kind word, for some love, for some sympathy because I was trapped, and she was the only lifeline…

I got the most generic response from her “Oh, I’m so sorry” and that was it.

I had to shut her away too.

Hold me, love me, kiss me, hug me. never let go but darling I can’t stand your touch right now. Go away but stay…make it stop.

I have friends in this community now that I can turn to, that have made me swear to text them if I needed them and they are…beautiful, amazing life savers. And I dunno what I’d do without you guys, especially SBO and @stlgeekgirl. Like you two? Muh fuckin’ lifesavers, straight up.

I also have my bestie. I wasn’t sure how she’d react. She teases me endlessly about my love for Cumberbatch (although her nickname for him is not at all flattering or worth repeating. She replaces the A with an I…) so I felt compelled to explain to her. Now she’s the one that I run to and she’s always there, waiting with open arms.

A few days ago (holy shit, yesterday—Friday), I woke up with a memory, that there is a picture out there of the day it started happening. I was convinced that the picture was real, taken at some family function, the day I was raped for the first time…and I found it. And I sent it to her, crying with my hands shaking and she lamented the fact that I looked distraught in the picture and my mom looked like she was trying to soothe me.

And she talked to me, and she talked me through it, and she made sure I was talked out before getting me to talk about the tattoo.

When Edward St. Aubyn talked about his mother’s reaction, and when it was brought to life on screen…I can’t begin to imagine what it was like for ESA to hear that from his mother. To have years of torture be so brazenly acknowledged and dismissed in a single breath. What happened to me wasn’t as horrendous as his experience, but I felt the pain, I’ve felt the dismissal. There’s a sense of betrayal. You can physically feel your heart breaking with disappointment.

Confession is not a light or easy thing.

I don’t skip around and just tell everyone I was raped by my cousins as a child. That’s not how it works.

When I want to tell someone about it, a family member or a friend, it’s a piece of trust in that person that is…beyond this world. It’s the hardest thing I can do. So to have that kind of reaction be your solace?

I can’t forgive ESA’s mother nor Eleanor.

Sex—

For those who have read my writing it might come as a shock that I’m a bit of a prude in real life when it comes to sex. Well, sex with men…we’ll leave the other half unspoken of for now.

Being touched and getting touched…I can have the love of my life on top of me, telling me he wants me, that he loves me, and I’ll suddenly be frozen with fear and need him to back off and let me catch my breath. For me, for my brain, that’s how it happens.

Just imagine how terrible it is though—you crave someone’s touch, their body, the very air in their lungs, the beating of their heart in their chest, the heat of their bodies, the salt of his skin…you lay awake nights, your legs sawing beneath your blankets, imagining his breath in your ear

And when he’s actually there?

You need to push him away.

That’s me.

I’ll sit somewhere, I’ll chat up whoever (my love life is long and complicated so let’s not go into all of that right now) and I’ll imagine having sex with them with the same clarity and determination as Patrick. But when push comes to shove, I can’t handle being touched.

Will I ever tell the love of my life why I need him to physically stay away from me after months and months of separation?

I don’t know.

I’ve been on a murder mystery docuseries kick lately after filling my head with the Bar…I watched The Keepers on Netflix (Don’t watch unless you have a strong stomach!) and one of the women who was talking about her abuse was talking about how she was deprived, by her abuser, of her mother’s confidence and trust in her mother’s ability to keep her safe.

That struck me and I’ve been wrestling with it and trying to figure out if I have any blame that I might be parceling out to my parents, that they somehow let this happen.

But I can’t find it there, and for that, at least, I’m grateful.

Patrick Melrose has been a revelation.

I’ve always been really good with words and expressing myself bur he gave me a starting point, multiple starting points, to start conversations that needed to be had.

It’s the strangest feeling to be able to send someone a clip of the show and be like “I do that! I literally do that all the time. I feel like that, all the time! Remember that one time I nearly pushed so-so off the chair cuz they tried to touch me? Yeah! See?”

But what At Last did for me was serve as a reminder that if I’m meant to parallel Patrick’s life forever, then I’ll find my peace eventually too.

One thing that REALLY struck me was an interview with Benedict Cumberbatch a few days ago where he says he hopes the show will remind people that “it’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be ok” and started reciting the lyrics of the song “come on come on come on get through this”.

I don’t think BC knows how much that meant to me.

I hope he finds out some day.

SO GUESS WHAT

I WATCHED THE EPISODE

I WEPT

FOR TWO HOURS STRAIGHT

THEN I WENT OUT AND RAN

I HOPED IT WOULD RAIN TO HIDE MY TEARS

BUT THERE’S NO HIDING NOW BABY

THERE’S NO HIDING NOW

LIVE IN THE SUNSHINE

STEP OUT INTO IT

DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE PAST

DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARKNESS

I STAND HERE AS A REMINDER THAT IT’S GOING TO BE OKAY

THAT YOU’RE GOING TO BE OKAY

THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

I GUARANTEE IT

I’VE SEEN THE LIGHT

I’VE FELT ITS WARMTH

I’VE TASTED ITS JOY

HANG ON

IT’S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.

AND WHEN THE DARKNESS GETS TOO MUCH, I’M HERE FOR YOU.

JUST LIKE MY FRIENDS HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME.

PATRICK MELROSE HAS GIVEN ME A TONGUE, A PLATFORM, A LANGUAGE, A STRENGTH TO KEEP TELLING MY STORY AND ENCOURAGING OTHERS TO SHARE THERES.

YOU’RE NOT ALONE.

DON’T EVER THINK YOU ARE.

I might add to this because none of this makes any goddamn sense, but you know what?

I just took a deep breath.

#patrick melrose #survivor stories #at last #benedict cumberbatch #thank you Benedict Cumberbatch #Thank you BC #Edward St. Aubyn #Thank you Edward St. Aubyn #my story #my voice #my truth #all my love #ish loves you #verbal vomit #narrative exhaustion

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scifithotbot · 6 years

Note

If you are so curious about studying abnormalities of the human body start by studying your deformed dysfunctional brain.

Hey guys I think @fatphobiabusters sent me hatemail lol. I didn’t mean to offend them but I’d asked about their mods that were intersex. I was curious to what kind of intersex thing they had because there are many different kinds and I love studying the human body. Well when you are studying the human body, rare abnormalities like having both a penis and a vagina are an interesting to observe and study. Don’t ever be scared to share!

Sense fatphobiabusters said I should start by studying my brain, I will. I have panic disorder with agoraphobia. Being in large crowded public place or leaving home, triggers my anxiety. It used to be so bad that I’d couldn’t eat and do the things I enjoy because I would be stuck in bed shaking.

Because I also enjoy learning things I started studying what was wrong with my head and figured out how to fix my dysfunctional brain. I learned how my nerves fuck me over and I fixed it.

After really studying my brain hard I gotten an interest in studying other disorders, Mental and physical, meaning depression and gender dysphoria because I want to spread my knowledge.

Also can we talk about how fatphobiabusters has sent me hate mail!!!!!! Guys if my question offended you then you should have told me!!!! I need to know what not to ask. Another thing didn’t they say that bullying is wrong too.

Fatphobiabusters,

I know it’s you that sent this hate anon.

You blocked me.

Get better at sending this nerd hate mail fatphobiabusters!!!!!!!!

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tenderborn · 6 years

Text

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT MEME ; REPOST, DO NOT REBLOG.

TAGGED BY. . . . no one. it’s been sitting in my drafts && idk , , , TAGGING. @tatorumaunten / @saiofred / @lethargic-hunter @ofaleader / @jxnesiisms / @ratdad-ninjutsumaster

———— FULL NAME. HAMATO MICHELANGELO ( 2012, IDW, BAY, HUMAN ) MICHELANGELO SPLINTERSON ( SAINW / 2003 ) BORN ELISABETTA ———— GENDER & SEXUALITY. TRANSMALE && PANROMANTIC/SEXUAL. ———— ETHNICITY & SPECIES. JAPANESE AMERICAN ( SAINW / 2003, 2007 ) JAPANESE - CHINESE AMERICAN ( IDW, 2012 && HUMAN ) AMERICAN ( BAYVERSE ) RED EARED SLIDER ( ALL ) REINCARNATED MUTANT. ( IDW ) ———— BIRTHPLACE & BIRTHDATE. FEUDAL JAPAN; UNKNOWN YEAR ( IDW ) NEW YORK CITY; 1998/9 ( ALL OTHER )

———— GUILTY PLEASURES. SITTING IN THE RAIN FOR HOURS ALONE && MARATHONS OF MOVIES WITH FRIENDS && THE FAM.

———— PHOBIAS. Atelophobia ; FEAR OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH. Nyctophobia ; FEAR OF THE DARK Haemophobia ; FEAR / PHOBIA / DISLIKE OF BLOOD. Agoraphobia ; FEAR OF BEING OUT OF CONTROL ( POST FOOT && SAINW VERSES ) Monophobia ; FEAR OF BEING ALONE

———— WHAT THEY WOULD BE INFAMOUS FOR: BEING A MUTANT —- WHICH COULD IMMEDIATELY CLASS THEM AS MONSTERS TO PEOPLE IN NYC. OTHER THAN THAT, TO THOSE THAT GO AGAINST THEM ON THE REGULAR, JUST A MENACE BUT ALSO A FORMIDABLE OPPONENT IF HE’S FOCUSED COMPLETELY ON WHAT HE’S DOING.

———— WHAT HAVE THEY / WOULD THEY HAVE GOTTEN ARRESTED FOR. NOTHING CONSIDERING THEY’RE USUALLY OUT OF THE SPOTLIGHT BY THE TIME AUTHORITIES GET NEAR THEM. HUMANVERSES THEY MAY GET ARRESTED FOR TRESPASSING LATER DOWN THE LINE. WORST THAT’S HAPPENED HAS BEEN THEM GETTING EXPELLED FROM SCHOOL DUE TO A FIGHT.

———— CHARACTER YOU SHIP THEM WITH. OC’s ?? SHIP THEM WITH KISA’S ARNIE && LAVI. SHAE’S AIDEN IS ALSO A FAVOURITE WITH SYLV’S NESSA && @pikethetortoise‘s PIKE. CANON CHARACTERS ?? LEATHERHEAD, CASEY . . . BASICALLY EVERYONE THAT’S VIABLE ??

———— CHARACTER MOST LIKELY TO MURDER THEM. WHO ISN’T GOING TO BE ?? IF ANYONE IT’D BE SHREDDER . . BUT AT CURRENT ITS UP IN THE AIR SINCE IN VARIOUS INCARNATIONS, THAT DUDES DEAD, MATE.

———— FAVOURITE BOOK GENRE. COMICS, GRAPHIC NOVELS, SCI FI, HISTORY && SHORT STORIES

———— LEAST FAVOURITE BOOK CLICHE. THEY WERE DEAD BUT NOPE HI THEY’RE BACK BASICALLY. HE’LL BE WEIRDLY LENIENT IF ITS A FAV CHARACTER THOUGH — ITS MAINLY COMIC BOOKS. ALSO THE TROPE THAT A CHARACTER SUDDENLY HAS SUPERPOWERS. WHEN SECONDS AGO THEY DIDN’T.

———— TALENTS & / OR POWERS. TRAINED IN NUNCHUCKS, A MAJORITY OF CHAIN && ROPE WEAPONS ALONG WITH OTHERS. HAS TRAINED IN THE MARTIAL ARTS OF JUJUTSU, NINJITSU, SLIGHTLY TRAINED IN AIKI / SPIRITUAL ENERGIES && PORTIONS OF KENJUTSU. HE’S ALSO HIGHLY ATTUNED TO EMOTIONS && IS HIGHLY EMPATHETIC.

———— WHY SOMEONE MIGHT LOVE THEM. HE’S ALMOST ALWAYS OPTIMISTIC WHICH CAN BE HELPFUL FOR OTHERS THAT ARE DOWN && HE’LL GO OUT OF HIS WAY TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE ARE OKAY. HIS PERSONALITY IS PRECIOUS && HE LOVES EVERYONE EVEN IF ITS PROBABLY A BAD IDEA. HE’S FULL OF LOVE && WILL LET YOU KNOW IT.

———— WHY SOMEONE MIGHT HATE THEM. THAT HE MIGHT SEEM ‘ TO DISTRACTED ‘ FOR PEOPLE TO WORK WITH. IT ISN’T SO MUCH AS HATEFUL BUT THE BROTHERS SEEM TO USE HIM AS BAIT A LOT BECAUSE HE CANT SEEM TO FOLLOW THE FLOW —- EVEN GOING TO SAY IN 2012 THAT HE’IS PERSONALITY IS A GOOD DISTRACTION FOR BAD GUYS. REGARDLESS OF THAT, OTHERS WOULD HATE HIM SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THE THINGS THEY DO TO CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR PURPLE DRAGONS &&/OR THE FOOT.

———— HOW THEY CHANGE. IN SOME VERSIONS HE BECOMES A GENERAL IN THE LITERAL DYSTOPIAN APOCALYPSE AND IN ANOTHER HIS MORALS ARE CHANGING UP SLIGHTLY AS HE REALIZES THAT THE WORLD ISN’T SO BLACK AND WHITE . . THAT THERE’S SOME GRAY AS WELL. IN MOST INSTANCES, HE FINDS THAT NOT EVERYTHING IS SO EASY && GO LUCKY.

———— WHY YOU LOVE THEM. HE’S SO PURE ??? HE ALWAYS TELLS JOKES BUT HE HONESTLY HAS SO MUCH DEPTH THAT WE DON’T SEE THAT MUCH EVEN WHEN IT COMES UP. IDW MIKEY WILL BE MY FAVORITE SINCE HE THINKS MORE && IS HUMAN IN SO MANY WAYS IN THE SCOPE THAT HIS MORALITY IS SOMETHING HE TRIES HARD TO FOLLOW EVEN IF ITS QUASHED BY HIS FAMILY FROM TIME TO TIME. IT GIVES HIM DEVELOPMENT. ALSO I’M TRASH FOR ANGRY OLD MAN SAINW MIKEY ,,,, ALL MIKEY’S ARE GOLD, MATES !!

#long post for ts #{ wow this took a long ass time }#🐢 ⎛without the mask i’m not so scary right? | about ⎠#🐢 ⎛this is what i call a half pipe! | headcanons ⎠#🐢 ⎛i’m so trash for tourtals | mun ⎠

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