#god i dont want to do this anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

semiotomatics · 9 months

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i wish i could enjoy literally anything rn

#going to a concert tomorrow that i WAS super excited for once upon a time #now im just stressed out of my gourd and honestly tempted to just. not go #which wouldn't be the first time i bailed on a concert i had tickets for bc my mental health was in the toilet #but i know ill regret not going #my agoraphobia has gotten so bad you guys #im p sure the only reason ive been able to make my drs appts is bc the clinic is literally across the street from me #but they're leaving at the end of the year so unless im Better by then im basically screwed #anyway sorry for the pity party guys its been. fuckin rough round here #god i dont want to do this anymore #this has been an original post #personal spewage

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astraystayyh · 9 days

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if you had read the story of hind raghab, if you had seen the picture of the child hanging from a pole, its lower body shredded, if you had seen the boy carrying pieces of his brother in a body bag, if you had known the soul of my soul, the story of refaat, and the countless war crimes israel has committed just in 7 months then you wouldn’t stream the song skz is putting out with charlie puth, a zionist and overall bad human, and that israeli producer. you would send a clear message that zionism isnt welcome in any capacity in any medium and you wouldn’t want to fund people who support its hateful ideology. this isnt a matter of being a skz anti and im so fucking tired of people painting it as such. where do you draw the line for your morals?

#‘im just here for the kids’ they will be fine if you dont stream one song #and even it they wouldnt be it doesn’t matter because human lives prevail profit #i just saw a fanbase raising 3500+ for this song #do u know what this kind of money could do for a family of palestinians rn #im so livid and it’s actually crazy that there isnt a general consensus about boycotting this song as it has been for cocacola #what’s different?#maybe u saw that this song could actually chart so u dgaf anymore about palestinian lives????#why would u even want skz to br associated with zionists in the long run???#im so mad like this is driving me insane #charlie puth is a nobody too like 😭 FREE US OH MY GOD #stray kids

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bellelovesyou · 1 month

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터지는 synergy 딱 맞아 우린

우리 뭐야 마치 heartris!ᯓ★

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marblerose-rue · 1 year

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click for better quality!

the perched king / tigerstar I

#my art #do not copy trace or steal #tigerclaw #tigerstar #warriors #warrior cats #wc art #waca #UHHHHH squints i havent posted fanart in a while i think those are all of my tags #DO YOU KNOW HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO HAVE A LITTLE TIME TO DO A LEGIT PIECE LIKE THIS. oh my god its wonderful #im experiencing a calm before the storm because this is the week before finals #I PROMISE ILL GET BACK TO DOING THE STARCLAN GAMES SOON I JUST NEED TO SURVIVE FINALS AND THEN I DONT HAVE SCHOOL TO JUGGLE WITH WORK #ANYMORE ABJLHBKHDFBG #I SPENT THE ENTIRE LIKE 2 HOURS WORKING ON THIS LISTENING TO THE HUNGER GAMES MOCKINGJAY AUDIOBOOK im. GOOD GOD. im hurting #the movies dont do hardly enough justice to how awful the things the characters go through are #recovering peeta makes me so :( i love him so bad #still got four hours left of the audio book and its really nice since i can listen to it while working #i love drawing tigerclawstar so much i think hes one of the warrior cats ever #for a while a couple years ago if i wanted to draw a wc character i would only draw him but i dont think i ever posted ANY of it

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puppyeared · 4 months

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man

#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant #but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years #like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact #but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer #for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated #motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year #also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when #ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread #im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover #but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that #the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse #im so tired. im so tired #i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place #ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER #oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously #vent #my art #myart #doodles #covid 19

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ywpd-translations · 7 months

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Ride 749: The last Straight Road*

(NdT.: same pun Kinaka always makes with his name and the word for straight road)

Pag 1

1: I....

3: Imaizumi-san!!

4: Go- good work!!

Good work!!

You were taking a long time for this lap

Pag 2

1: Yes, teh, I got a fl-fl-flat- my bike!!

Yessir!!

2: It's the tire!!

4: Only tires can get a flat

Ah- damn, yes, that's right

Right!!

6: I thought something like this might have happened, so I brought these

Replacement tubes, tire levers, and a pump. Use them

Pag 3

2: This is unusual!! I never thought Imaizumi-san was the attentive type – is it just for us!?

Yeah!! I thought first and second years were just not important to him....

3: You don't want to use the,?

We'll use them, thank you so much!!

4: You saved us, teh....!!

That's true

6: Ah, uhm... but..... Imaizumi-san

Earlier you said that

7: Sugimoto-san won't come”, what did you mean?

Pag 4

1: He retired

Pag 5

1: He's still displayed on the board, but

3: There's still time until midnight

If Sugimoto-kun....

4: Please leave the possibility open in case Sugimoto-kun wants to come back!!

5: Onoda insisted

6: Re... tired.....

Sugi..... moto-san....

Pag 6

1: He used up all his stamina and mental strength in his fight against Danchiku, and he was defeated

2: You didn't notice because you've been on the course the whole time

4: Ah... actually, when it got dark, Sugimoto-san and Danchiku-san passed us various times... teh

Huh!? That? So at that time-!?

5: You have no time to talk about unimportant things

As soon as you're done with the repairs, run, first years

6: Soon

Pag 7

1: Waa, ye-yes, teh, thank you for the tools

Yeah, there's still 40km

2: If we join our strengths....

Don't cooperate

5: Teh!?

7: From now on, you can't allow yourselves to run like friends

8: Huh....

Our “buddies” stickers.....!?

You have to fight

Pag 8

1: And win the last spot to be an Inter High member!!

Pag 9

1: Fa.... ight....

2: Against.... Kinaka-kun

3: Against.... Rokudai

4: 35km left!!

Gooo!! Kinakaa, Rokudaii!!

Do your best...!!

5: I feel like they'll be able to run the 1000km!!

Amazing!

Ah, but there was no distance between them just now?

Pag 10

1: Fight....

2: The spot as a regular in the two-times national champion, Sohoku....

3: I can't take it by just being friendly....!!

4: And also

5: There's Sugimoto-san's wish!!

Pag 11

1: Wa- wait, please, Imaizumi-san

But.... if in this training camp the condition to become the sixth regular was to finish the 1000km first....

2: Then why did Sugimoto-san and Danchiku-san race!?

4: I came here to give you a message from Sugimoto

5: I think, I think it's necessary, you know

Sohoku is a team that connect and support each other

6: Just like during our first year, you, Naruko, and Onoda, connected your wishes and aimed for the goal

7: And last year Kaburagi ran with Aoyagi-san and carried the team until the mountains on the third day

8: So I think we need it

9: Our third year Inter High members

Pag 12

1: Definitely need a “first year”!!

3: Even if he knew he was making his own situation worse, he thought about the best shape for the team would be

4: He accepted it, and fought

Pag 13

1: For the fifth place

3: Among the first years, those two are left, I look forward to see what they do!!

That's too much food

4: Danchiku probably understood it, too

That's why he fought with all his strength

6: Now you two have to run with the weight of those expectations on your back!!

7: Fight, against your opponent and against yourself!! Use all your strength

Pag 14

1: And pull to yourself that last jersey!!

2: Straaa-

Pag 15

1: Straight roaaad!!

2: - traight!!

3: …. ngh

Ugh.....

4: Kinaka-kun.....

5: Don't cry, Rokudai!!

Pag 16

1: What are you doing, oi!! I'll leave you behind like this!! I'll tear you off!!

If you give up, then it's lucky for me!!

2: My goal has always been the Inter High jersey!!

To get back at those senpai who made fun of me!!

3: To show it to the Onii-san who taught me how to ride bikes!!

So, for that....

6: So I'm telling you not to cry!!

Pag 17

1: But, Kinaka-kun....

It's that your “Straitgh road”, wasn't fast at all....!!

4: You knee? It's your knee, right?

Since when? Since a while ago?

5: Since when we were at about 800km

Pag 18

1: It's a race, Rokudai

2: You should have told me, teh

I didn't notice, teh!!

3: I'm such an incapable former manager, teh....

4: Since when I lost to you in the first years' race

6: I've been thinking that I would definitely not lose the next time we race

7: Even though the truth is that I don't really care about that anymore

So, once again...

Pag 19

1: It's a race, Rokudai!!

3: Let's do it, Rokudai!!

I can't, teh

4: Race me, pedal!!

I don't want to, teh....

5: Fight me!!

I won't pedal, teh

Pag 20

1: Because, if I fight you now, Kinaka-kun, I'll end up winning, teh

Pag 22

1: With that kindness of yours, support our senpai during the Inter High

#yowamushi pedal #yowamushi pedal translations #yowapeda #yowapeda manga #yowamushi pedal manga #yowamushi pedal spoilers #ride 749 #the tags arent enough for the essay i want and need to write about this chapter #most painful chapter but also one of the best chapter of the whole manga imho #IVE BEEN CRYING SINCE YESTRDAY WTF WATANABE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY BABIES #YOU NEED TO PAY FOR MY THERAPY NOW #kinaka and roku's relationship is probably the most wholesome in the whole manga i love them so much #and this chap HURT SO BAD OH MY GOD #kinakaaaaa you're so strong for this ;A; the way he didnt want to tell roku about his knee bc he knew that roku would break #the way he even tried to provoke him to push him to race!! and he says he didnt want to lose against him again! but!!#He actually doesnt care about that anymore!!! hes just doing this for rokudai!!!#And rokuuuu!!! baby boy ;A; hes the purest boy ever!!! He didnt want to win like this against kinaka he didnt want to leave him behind ;A;#leave me alone im gonna cry forever ;A; (no actually dont leave me alone keep me company in my suffering plz)#page 21 is forever ingraved in my soul #even tho imaizumi told them not to cooperate in the end they did support each other until the last moment ;A;#(on a lighter not im happy that we finally have a reason for the race btwn sugimoto and danchiku - they both knew the team needed a first #year* so only one of them could be on the team)

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caffeinatedopossum · 18 days

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I kind of hate how just because I don't subscribe to any religion or believe in any specific god, people assume that means that I *disbelieve* in god(s)

I simply don't have much reason to think about whether or not there's a god, besides when I just want to enjoy some good old philosophical/hypothetical thinking or conversations.

Like people will hear I'm not Christian and go "how come you don't believe in god?" like no, no you misunderstand me. I don't NOT believe in god, I just don't believe in *your* god. And if your god is real, then it changes nothing about how I'm going to live my life. The Christian god is an ass and not someone I'm going to worship. I'm just gonna spend my life trying to do good, and if your god doesn't like that, then he's not a very good god, is he?

#anyways talking about religion is not something i normally do #but ive just been thinking about this today #im always hesitant to talk about Christianity because i dont want people to start some sort of war against me #accusing me of hating christians or something #the truth is Ive been severly traumatized by my experience with the Christian church #and because of that i cant really talk to or be friends with Christians anymore due to it being too triggering #but theres A LOT of variations in Christianity. some Christians arent half bad #and id like to encourage those good Christians to keep practicing their religion in a way that #benefits them without harming others :3 #i was raised to believe that i had to trust gods moral compass above my own. and yknow what fuck that #thats one belief i wont subscribe to anymore #if god disagrees with my morals thats kinda a fundamental issue for me lol

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existencebringsonlypain · 9 months

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honored for these two to be my first (genuine actual) stuffed animal I've ever had!

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mystical-one · 7 months

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WARNING IM GOING TO BE HONEST AND EARNEST HERE. i really unironically unconditionally liked now and then

#like honestly i listened to it 2794288 times in the shower and came to the disgraceful revelation that like. oh my god it is a fucking beatl #es song and theyre 81 and 83 and 37 and 52 and theyre still ON the same song and fuck shit yes i get the solo is NOT georges and it makes me #a little upset but its still done in his memory and his style andthis is PAUL we are talking about and of course he is going to run away #with a project like this and going to do the solo but EVEN then he made the solo with george in mind and tried to emulate his style whether #it was an accurate representation or not they still care so fucking much. theyre the FUCKING beatles releasing music TODAY what the fuck #i will definitely feel different about this tomorrow morning but ive listened to this thing through on repeat since it released and buddy.#who care. like SO fucking much everyone care but WHO CARE!!!!!!!!! OLD MAN BEATLES YAOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TODAY IN 2023!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry does this make sense. like im a george defender until i die but i could heard his guitars enough to be moderately pacified and #honestly im too tired and excited and emotionally drained to care anymore. tjey tried so so hard to do something and they DID it #i have a much MUCH more nuanced opinion that i could go into. but i dont want to rn🙏🏻#emi's meandering jotts

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todayisafridaynight · 11 months

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matrophobia

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza series #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #masumi arakawa #masato arakawa #snap sketches #oh my god im going to pass out but my tag ramble is necessary. like especially this time #i was just gonna draw his Actual mom but then i wanted to get saucy with it. also i miss drawing wolves but theres a purpose i promise #ive loved wolves since i was a kid since theyre like. family-oriented and shit. of course a lonely loser ass kid gonna think thats cool #when i think of wolves i think of family- which is what you should think of with your mom right #but a lot of people know wolves are monsters so. ysee where im goin with this one #the flowers and thorns arent Just Random i Double Promise: i snagged inspo from her flower shirt #i originally had the roses be purple to highlight that buuut i didnt want any more color aside from red #did i have anymore notes..... i dont think so. thats all i had to explain :) this is mid ik i just needed it done tho im TIRED #OH HER MULTIPLE EYES its supposed to be inspired by her necklace :) the third eye has a purpose im too tired to explain rn tho #the jo alternative was more depressing since i wanted to put emphasis on his feelings of inadequacy in that #BUT i figured hey. let me have a /lil/ happiness today right. i can do that at least let me draw that at least #ignore the fact i got more bad news while drawing this and almost abandoned it as a result but we push through :)#in any case. im subjecting arakawa to more horrors tomorrow i guess sorry king youve had it good too long. i GUESS #to round this off. Obligatory Vent Portion because myyyyy GOD. i have nightmares about my mom every night #its been that way since like. february- ive always had nightmares bout her but theyve ramped up since The Event #and for the most part i just wake up tired and despondent but sometimes the nightmares just make me wake up gasping for air #like i was TRULY just fighting for my life then and itd been a while since i had a nightmare like that #and just. coupled with how trash my months been. and now that im comm free.(dm me;) ) i figured id express the soul a bit #alright NOW im done. im pretty sure. goodnight everyone come back for part ii of. whatever this was #IM ALL OUT OF TAGS NOW LMAO THATS EPIC ok bye fr

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thebirdandhersong · 6 days

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happy to report the agony is starting to fade a little !!

#praise God............hopefully it continues in this pattern #i havent lived very many years on this earth but ive wasted enough time weeping and agonizing over certain young men #if you dont want me then you're not the one etc etc. also good golly they DO make it clear when they don't want you #also i CAN do it with a broken heart until my heart isn't broken anymore! i know i can!#i DO know i'm strong enough to withstand the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune #and i'm determined to for the sake of my own sanity and dignity and also the fact #that God created us to do more than writhe in anguish over clueless young men lol. so there. i think.#will it be a cruel summer? a sad girl summer? maybe. but dangit i fought hard to find joy in living #im not about to give all that up over one (1) tall curly haired boy with a smile like the sun and a heart the size of australia

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fulcrvm · 17 days

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Last Line Tag Game

Thanks for tagging me @teejaystumbles ! A really nice surprise!! :D I am indeed contemplating writing two Dead Boy Detectives fic right now, but they're both in the very early 'being-outlined-in-my-head' stage, haha. They both revolve around post-s1 Edwin pining for Charles, one where Edwin takes matters into his own hands and one where he decides to have a chat with the Cat King about it. Not sure if they'll ever be written but they're intriguing!

But for the sake of the tag game, here's a lengthy bit from a Dreamling wip I've slowly been chipping away at for a few months!

A scene from Every Little Thing (Working Title)— In which Morpheus is a figure drawing professor who has just been fired from a film production based on his comics, and Hob does part-time figure modeling and is determined befriend the aforementioned professor.

Morpheus picks his class schedules wisely— he runs two first year general figure drawing classes, at 8 a.m. and at noon on Mondays and Thursdays. He helps the uni’s live figure workshop club on Wednesdays and Fridays at 6 p.m., and meets his sister for lunch on Wednesdays. All other free time was dedicated for his industry work. That wouldn’t be a concern anymore, would it. By the time Morpheus unlocks the door to the studio, sets his bag down by his desk, and starts fiddling with the ceiling studio lights pointed at the model stand, all of Morpheus’ thoughts have reduced to pure spite. Fine, maybe the big studios don’t want him. They don’t deserve him, then, their loss. His portfolio and repertoire are infamous in the industry, they’ll be crawling back to him in no time. Too bad, maybe he would have started his own production studio and he’ll end up with the next ground-breaking animated film. Maybe— Morpheus’ thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. He shakes himself out of it, calling, “Come in.” A glance at his watch tells him it’s only 7:48, perhaps it’s an overeager student here early. It’s only the second week of the semester, they grab every opportunity to prove themselves with a spirited step that Morpheus might be slightly envious of. “Hello, Morpheus Endeles?” Hearing his full name startles Morpheus, and he turns from the lighting settings to the door. “Yes?” The man who steps into view can only be described as radiant. He can’t be much older than Morpheus, not much taller either but wider in the shoulders. His hair is cropped just above his shoulders and he sports a neatly kept beard. Morpheus registers this all first simply because of his profession but— he gets caught on the man’s brilliant smile and deep brown eyes. There’s something there that knocks all thoughts clear out of Morpheus’ head. The stranger smiles warmly, smiles like he already cares. “I’m here to model for the morning and noon figure classes?” The man says. Morpheus clears his throat and steps forward, “Yes, this is the right studio.” He extends a hand, “Robert Gadling, I presume?” The man takes his hand— god, he’s so warm— and shakes it steadily, “Please, call me Hob! All my friends do.”

I'm a sucker for the 'Morpheus catalogues Hob's appearance during their first meeting' trope in most Dreamling human AU fics, I couldn't not do it too :]

Besides this, I've also got a Dreamling Velvet Goldmine-ish AU fic that I want to get done this summer. I'm a very slow and ruminative writer so let's see if I can commit to any of these fics now that I've posted about them lol!

No pressure tags! I have no idea who's been tagged recently so-- lol. @hardly-an-escape @valeriianz @moorishflower @amielot :)

#ive seen so many Artist Dream AUs but theyre always pretty vague with the specifics of his work so i was like #i need to write the specific ins-and-outs of what my ideal Artist Dream AU would be. and its this #that he's a really difficult collaborator with extreme creativity who starts out in animation #and branches out from there into art directing various things doing his own comics on the side (the corinthian is one of his comics)#(he DEFINITELY forays into themed environmental design)#which is half inspired by my actual professors' professional lives and a guest speaker that spoke to us recently #i want morpheus to be really good at teaching younger artists #and i want him to doubt weather his passion for storytelling is worth it #and i want hob to befriend him and ground him by reminding murphy about what he loves about making art #and of course i love figure drawing classes so much! theyre the essence of narrative art #and ofc hob and dream are gonna fuck at some point. i already have a mildly kinky sequel scene planned involving hob knowing how paint #anyway god this is so long #i just love the ideas in this fic theyre so personal to me. i really hope i finish this fic and get to share it with everyone :')#LONG POST AUGH ANYWAY BYE THANK YOU FOR TAGGING ME TASH!!!!!!#i dont really get to talk about my fic anymore so this was really nice thank you :') !#rex writes #rex speaks #tag game #last line tag game #long post #fic

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lovedazai · 21 days

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this week was so stupid

#its over :) thank GOD #next week will be better !! (saying it until i convince myself)#i see my asks. i love u #i promise i’ll reply when i have a little more energy <33 #look inside my head its literally this 🌫️🌫️#i think i’ll sleep for twelve hours now #i dont want to think ab it anymore so i’ll tell u something good that happened !!#i got my hair done !! im so obsessed w it ive been feeling myself ever since #i met the cutest boy ive ever seen….i didnt talk to him v much </3 but maybe he heard me telepathically #lastly ! i got my fav serum on sale !!!!#itll all be ok :< ending my day w my dog sleeping on me and shes v warm #tmw is lazy mai day im not doing ANYTHING !! except maybe baking some goodies #i hope ur week was kind to u <33 and ur weekend is even kinder

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every-sanji · 2 months

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#one piece #sanji #black leg sanji #everysanji #thriller bark #ch462 #theres been someone whose been slowly reblogging some of my like. really old posts #and doing some absolutely fantastic character analysis in the tags #but oh my god you're reminding me of the cringe captions i used to leave on every post #i did that FOR LIKE. IM PRETTY SURE OVER A YEAR.#IF IT WASNT SO LONG I'D GO BACK AND EDIT ALL OF THEM BUT EUGH #all but one i think the birthday post was funny okay that one was funny and i had to consolidate so much to get it to post on the right day #god. i cant believe this will probably post after the blog anniversary #4 years of every sanji. how do we feel guys #as of queuing this i have uh. 2302 followers and i'll probably have a few more by the time you actually see this #absolutely insane that people still follow this silly gimmick blog i've been running since i was 19 #ik i have said it before but this little project got so big and i dont even particularly care for op anymore #i just keep this blog running for the bit of finding every sanji and watching people be amazed at the really really small ones #that i manage to find in the background. its a special skill you gain by running a blog like this #anyway no more tag rambles i want to try and finish this volume tonight if i can

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good-beanswrites · 4 months

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I can't stop thinking of Kyanako's Order of Attack au... there's something so moving to me about how things getting so much worse could be what finally causes Amane to get better -- seeing Fuuta dying may be the final straw of getting her to rethink her rejection of medicine. Been a while since I've attempted something whump-y, this was fun to work with.

Tw for mentions/contemplation of death. I don't go into detail about the cult but the doctrines are implied through it all.

Fuuta was not a big fan of dying.

When he imagined his own death, he always pictured it as something dramatic and fast. Action heroes going out in a show of explosions and gunfire. Fantasy characters meeting the shining end of a blade. Even when he accepted his place in Milgram, it filled his mind with images of gallows and electric chairs.

Whatever this slow, lengthy fever was, it was pissing him off.

He’d lost all sense of time. He could no longer tell which hour the prison bells were marking -- morning and night blended together. Dreaming and waking blended together. His head injury and broken leg and broken bones blended together. It was all just pain at the end of the day. He had nonstop visitors that kept him awake and asked him too many questions and prodded his injuries and made his head spin. Somehow, he was simultaneously alone every time he rolled over to talk to someone. Painfully, suffocatingly alone.

If Kotoko was going to kill him with those ridiculous emo boots of hers, she should have just done it. He was losing his mind here: devoid of all energy, suffering through broken bones and a cracked head, and boiling in an increasingly fiery fever. Maybe that was the reason he stopped commenting when he watched Amane pocket the medicine Shidou had left him. Maybe that was why he’d stopped following Shidou’s instructions himself. Even after losing an eye and taking a beating herself, Amane always looked at peace. He was tired of dealing with all of this. He wanted a bit of that peace.

Regardless of why, it was working. His fever had quickly gone from the biggest pain in his ass to the very thing that dulled his racing thoughts.

He awoke suddenly, or maybe he’d already been awake. He couldn’t feel anything in his limbs. There was only a breathless heat around him. He raised himself into a sitting position, looking for a drink. Moving his head felt like one of those glitching computer windows that leaves a trail of copies behind it. The room swam around him. His eyes moved absently around him.

Fuuta picked up the glass that someone had left him. His fingers were clumsy, and it immediately went crashing to the ground. He hardly heard the noise as it broke apart on the concrete below.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed. He’d just go get a drink himself. Shidou told him not to get up without help. But what did he know? Thinking of the man ordering him around only drove Fuuta to step out of bed even quicker. He cried out, pain shooting through his leg. That was right, it was broken…

Fuuta looked down, finding himself on the ground. It was so hot. Maybe this is what she felt, he thought numbly. Was it this slow for her too? Probably not. She had no regrets to fill the time like he did. The heroes got quick, beautiful deaths, and it was the villains who had to suffer the long ones.

He lifted his right palm from where it had caught his fall. The shattered glass on the floor had cut into it. Shattered glass? What had broken? He stared blankly at the blood dripping down.

He didn’t have the strength to raise himself up. He was burning. Why was he on the ground? Was he bleeding? He could barely breathe. What was he doing here, anyway? He just wanted to curl up and sleep. He was so weak... just to lie down... he wouldn't have the strength to get back up again. Was that such a bad thing...?

A voice caught his attention. His eyes struggled to focus on the figure who’d come running into the cell. He couldn’t understand a word of what she was saying, but he was happy when she pressed her cool little hands against his forehead.

He allowed her to prop him up next to the bed. She held onto his hand, squeezing it tight. Why was she holding it like that? That hand was bleeding. When did that happen?

Her arms wrapped tightly around him. He wanted to shove her away -- it was too hot -- but couldn’t. In his ear, he could make out her words. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, Fuuta. Don’t leave me alone. I’m so sorry...”

As she pulled back, he recognized Amane. Her uninjured eye was filled with tears. Was she upset? He thought he’d been making her happy. He wanted to keep making her happy. He’d never made anyone happy before.

He opened his mouth to say something, but no words would come out. They all scrambled up in his mouth. He felt the cell swirling around him.

Amane raised her voice. She looked desperately upwards. “This can’t be --! This isn’t right!”

Fuuta looked up at the ceiling. There was nothing there.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

She continued talking. Fuuta was too busy studying the ceiling. She was shouting. Or maybe crying. Fuuta didn’t like that she was so upset. Huh, had there been someone there? He surveyed the empty cell. What was he doing on the ground?

He looked down at his hand. The sheet from his bed had been pulled down and wrapped hastily around it. Why? His eyes felt sticky as he blinked. Everything hurt. It was so hot. What was going on? He was so angry. He was so scared. He wanted to cry. Why was he here? Why couldn’t he just hurry up and die already?

The next time she entered, Fuuta recognized Amane instantly. Her one hand pointed to him, the other held onto someone else. The second figure hurried over to him.

Fuuta was not a big fan of dying. Shidou reassured him he wouldn’t.

—

“You’re wearing the eyepatch,” Fuuta observed.

He was playing a dangerous game, drawing attention to it like that. He was too exhausted, and his curiosity won out over his better judgment. If Amane was going to explode with one of her typical speeches, he’d just let her.

She didn’t.

Amane’s hand drifted up to her eye. It had been hastily covered before, but now it was cleaned and wrapped in professional-grade materials. She simply said, “Kajiyama Fuuta. How do you feel?”

“Like shit.”

“But--”

“-- But I’m better, yeah.”

Amane nodded, her shoulders releasing.

“Oi, I haven’t seen you in a while. Not since…” He wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence. Shidou had told him what happened, but it was difficult to believe. He couldn’t quite trust his own memory of the night. No matter how much clearer his mind felt since receiving proper treatment, those days of fever still muddled together. He heard that Amane had up and switched her beliefs overnight -- she was now complacent about all of Shidou's treatments -- but Fuuta knew people didn't just change like that. He wanted to hear it for himself.

She lowered her gaze in shame. “I… I thought you hated me.” Her voice was steady. “As you should. I almost killed you. I accept any ill will you may feel.”

“I -- what? You’re wrong. You… it wasn’t…” He grabbed his head, grunting in frustration.

After standing awkwardly in the entryway the whole time, Amane took a few steps inside. She made it to his bedside when he finally collected his thoughts.

“It was your fucked up family or whatever that caused everything. They did this. And I went along and made things worse.” He looked away. His next words felt stupid to say to a little kid. He felt like the most pathetic, weak, loser. But it was too important not to say.

“They almost killed me. You saved me.”

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #amane momose #i am emotional about them!!!#my other drabble between them hinted that fuuta would convince her away from her dangerous beliefs before things got too bad #but i wanted to see what would happen if things Did get bad ya know #we were talking about what could convince amane to think twice about the medicine ban (if anything)#and i think seeing her closest friend is literally on deaths door finally gets through to her #shes sees him weak and bloody and completely out of it and knows this is Wrong #i dont know how long it takes fuuta to realize that it really was all for him that she changed but he does accept it eventually #it helps both of them grow #he feels worth saving (and therefore worth turning his life around) and she is freer from her cult #not completely #but one step at a time #tried to make fuutas narration simpler and shorter to reflect his thoughts but idk if that worked #i thought they were going to do a lot of stuff with mahirus head injury and memory but they never did- i played around with that a bit here #i thought about writing out amanes monologue to her god about how shes not doing this anymore but 1. its more dramatic to leave that to #the imagination and 2. idk if its silly but some things are so personal for a character and i dont wanna intrude... like yeah its my #story but thats between her and god fr #drabbles #tw cults #tw child abuse

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pcktknife · 8 months

Text

killin myself on deep cuts doorstep to forever change their bond and the trajectory of their lives forever

#kae.txt #i hope you die. i hope we all die. i hope the world explodes. god bless (u_u)#i hate yall i hate it here i want nothing to do with this game anymore and i know what your thinking 'but kae you play every fest' this my #last one please dont let me participate in the next one if you hear me have any excitement for another fest kill me dont even try to talk me #out of it just put a stop to it then and there never let me do this again #stop this madness

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