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#i did that FOR LIKE. IM PRETTY SURE OVER A YEAR.
psychesalcove · 19 hours
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WE WANNA TALK ABOUT SEX BUT WE'RE NOT ALLOWED
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college au!percy jackson x fem!reader
⚠️: reader has anxiety, percy being too obvious for his own good, shitty writing (im sorry guys 😭), mentions of sex, cursing, emotional cheating (on percys end), not proofread at all, mentions of an anxiety attack, insecure reader
IN WHICH: you and percy have been dating for around a year. however, you feel like he is always choosing annabeth over you, even if he isn't aware of it. tonight, you decided to confront him about it, ending the night not knowing where your relationship stands with him.
requested: yes, by anon
a/n: GUYS IM SO SORRY IM KIKE NOT GOOD AT WRITING ANGST BUT I TRIES 😭😭 JUST MESSAGW ME ABAIN AND ILL REWRITE IT IN A DIFFERENT WAY BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!😔
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you knew this talk had to happen at some point. it was inevitable. there was this unspoken tension between you and percy, and you weren't even sure if he was aware of it. for a while, you thought it was just your anxiety driven brain making you feel the tension—but you soon realized it was there and not made up.
percy and you had been dating for around a year, beggening right before your freshman year of college started. before that, percy had been in a relationship with annabeth. you were on neutral terms with her;you weren't best friends, but you also didn't hate eachother. but lately, that feeling of neutrality with her was slipping away.
you knew percy and her were close, but you didn't understand why they were as close as they were. you knew percy would never cheat, but you figured he didn't understand not being there for his partner.
anytime you wanted to be around him, he would say that annabeth needed him for something. reviewing notes for class, wanting help with decorating her condo, helping her with a new recipe she was doing, anything really.
at first, you didn't mind that much. you knew they weren't sleeping with eachother or anything, but as time went on, going into the last quarter of the school year, you knew that he would go back to annabeth sooner rather than later. his mind was always occupied with her, somehow managing to bring her up in every conversation you have with him.
you sat on the beige couch that you and percy had bought at Ikea last summer, looking out to the balcony area, waiting for percy to arrive. as much as you didn't want to talk to him about this, you knew the longer you put it off the harder the talk would be. you assumed he would be getting back in around 5 minutes, knowing the route he takes in his car to get to the condo from campus.
suddenly the old wooden door creaked open, disturbing the silence that blanketed the room. you sighed lightly, still wondering how to even start a conversation with percy.
percy soon came into vision, dropping his jansport backpack onto the floor before turning to you. "hi, pretty," he hummed. "how was your day?"
you decided to ease into a normal conversation between the two of you before asking the inevitable question that could determine the future of your relationship. "it was fine, english has been kicking my ass recently though, how about you?" you asked, moving around so you were in a more comfortable position.
"it was also fine, but if your having trouble with english, i could ask annabeth—" you cut him off with a sigh, knowing that was your que to steer the conversation in another direction.
"could you sit down percy, please?" you say, making eye contact with him for the first time since he came home. "we really need to talk,"
"uhm.. yeah of course" he says looking around the room quickly before sitting down on the sofa. "if this is about those mint cookies, i did eat them, didn't mean to though, promise." he explains quickly, looking at you with a small smile.
you press your lips into a thin line, knowing how different of a conversation this is going to be than that. "percy, where do you see our relationship going?"
there it is. the idea is out there, in the open, for percy to do anything with.
you watch his eyes widen slightly, looking at you with a questioning look. "what do you mean? i mean, obviously we're going to keep living together, maybe get a better place for next year, we could even make our new kitchen like annabeths–"
"there you go again talking about annabeth!" you said, raising your voice slightly. "i know that the two of you are friends, and i'm fine with that, but not if it's getting in the way of our relationship. almost every conversation you bring her up:annabeth this annabeth that. i know you two are exs, and again, i'm fine with that, but that also means you could have romantiic feelings about her still. i really don't think we should even be doing this if you do, percy."
he sat up straighter at the tone of your voice and what you said to him. "why would i still have feelings for a annabeth? that's why we chose to end our relationship, because neither of us had feelings for eachother!" he exclaimed, attempting to keep a calm voice.
"percy, i really just don't think you're in the mental place to be in a relationship with me, or maybe anyone right now. i don't know what to do—"
percy cut you off, "what do you mean you don't know what to do? i'm the one being told by my girlfriend of a year that she doesn't know if she wants to continue our relationship!" he sat up from the couch and started motioning with his hands. "I'm the one that doesn't know what to do. it's not like i'm going around and having sex with annabeth. you know i wouldn't do that to you!"
"there are other ways of cheating than that percy, and im not saying your cheating on me, I'm just saying that your mind is still on annabeth, which means I don't know if we should be a thing or not." you said. "and honestly, with the reaction your having, i wouldn't be surprised if you were cheating." you also sat up from the couch and moved to stand by him.
"i understand that, but like i said, i'm not going over there to have sex with her or kiss her or anything like that. all im doing is spending time with her, can i not chose who i spend my time with now?" percy spat at you, giving you a look that made you know he was starting to get pissed off.
"that's the problem percy! your spending time with her, which would be okay, if you weren't canceling on me, your girlfriend!" you said, continuing to raise your voice.
he scoffed at you. "name one time that i cancel—"
"last week, when we were supposed to go the cafe to study for an exam together. i was waiting for you at the door when you were grabbing your backpack, and then you come up to me and say that you can't go because annabeth had finished reviewing your notes. and, for some reason, you had to go to hers that moment to get your notes instead of saying that you could later and go to the cafe, with your girlfriend!" you rambled, getting more mad remembering the memory.
you saw a small flash of guilt in percys eyes, but you didn't let him speak. "every single week percy! its the same fucking thing! you cancle last minute to go to annabeth, even dates you've canceled. and i know that your not sleeping with her or anything, but you're still putting her first instead of me. and that hurts. it really hurts." your voice became softer, cracking when you finished speaking.
your eyes filled with tears, and you started blinking rapidly to keep them at bay. "so yeah, percy, that's why i'm wondering what's going to be our relationship in the future. because right now, i'm not seeing one at all."
you shook your head as you saw his mouth open, still wanting to talk and get through to him. "i love you, so, so much. and it hurts, knowing that i'll always be out second to annabeth. if you want to continue our relationship, you're really going to have to change, percy. and i don't know if you're willing to do that for me." your tears starting openly falling down your face, your brain thinking of what it'll be like to not have percy in your life.
you saw percys mouth open, so you quickly looked down, knowing whatever he was going to say will make you go over the edge and into an anxiety attack. "...why didn't you tell me you felt like that?" he asked with a soft tone to his voice. you shook your had again, knowing you didn't fully get through to him.
"if you were feeling like that, you could have told me and i would have stopped," percy explained, opening his arms to hug you.
you quickly stepped back, not wanting to touch him. "you know what percy? i shouldn't have even had to talk to you about it, because it shouldn't have been a problem. i would have talked to you about it sooner, but i knew it was going to go the way this is going." you said as you wrapped your arms around yourself.
"your not understanding what you did wrong, just saying that i should have done something. which i should have, but i was to nervous, i know that you're too good foe me, gods, i get reminded every single day! so i didn't bring it up to you because i knew that i could've lost you by talking about this!" you let out your first sob as you finished, now thinking of how your going to have to move all your stuff out and stay at your friends condo until you can find a new one.
"hey—hey, let's have you calm down first before we talk. i promise I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to," he said, attempting to make eye contact before you looked down again.
"can, can you just leave? just for a while, please? I–I need to think and it's just really hard being around you right now." you said through your sobs, feeling guilty of practically kicking percy out of his own home, even if just for a while.
you didn't hear what he said, but you watched through your blurred vision as he walked away twords the front hall, heard him grab his keys, and then heard the door close behind him. you quickly walked into your shared bedroom, taking a seat on the edge of your queen size bed.
you look over at percys nightstand, seeing a framed picture of the two of you on your 6th month anniversary. then, your eyes quickly go to a polaroid in front of the framed picture. you sobs grew louder as you grabbed the framed picture and threw it out of anger, sending glass shards across the carpeted floor.
the polaroid was of percy and annabeth, sitting at the campfire back at camp half blood, both having matching smiles on their faces.
you could never compete with annabeth, even in the form of a picture.
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lunajay33 · 2 days
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Change Part.5
•🎀🩰🩷•
Summary: Y/n is a loner but loves ballet but her family doesn’t have enough money for her to dance at the studio, Daryl is a redneck who hates people and prefers bikes, until one day these two run into eachother and their lives change drastically, will Daryl toughen her up? Will y/n soften Daryl? Or both? How will things go when people start coming back from the dead
Pairing: Young Daryl Dixon x f!reader
A/n: This is going to be a series, it’s gonna start with how they met eachother and their lives before the apocalypse, eventually it’ll blend with twd story line!!
Part.4
•Masterlist•
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“I wanna see ya dance”
“Are you sure it’s kind of embarrassing”
“Show me Angel” he smiled with encouragement
I turned on Swan lake music and did the best I could from what I was capable of, I tried avoiding eye contact, this was my Daryl Dixon I didn’t wanna see him laughing in my face over something in so passionate about, but he never did make fun of me and he never would
“My ballerina, always so graceful”
He wrapped his arms around my waist after I was done pulling me down onto the bed on our apartment in Atlanta, I straddled his legs looking down at him
“I got a surprise for ya”
“Oh do you now?” I smirked thinking he was trying to turn the mood around
“A guy I work with at the shop has a girlfriend, she runs a dance studio and she got classes for adults on the weekends, got a discount so ya could go, if ya want” his face became red which I always adored my heart swelled for him
“DARYL! Are you serious you did that for me” I yelled excited
“Anything for my angel”
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“Kids I need everyone to stay completely silent okay, everyone sit along the wall of the windows and don’t move, we will stay until your parents come in 20 minutes” I said calmly as to not scare them they were only young
They listened and we were all sit in silence, my thoughts are in over drive what the hell was happening something was incredibly wrong how was I suppose to leave with those people out there like that and what about where Daryl was
Parents filled in quickly in panic dragging their kids out until finally it was just me, I took out my cell phone dialing Daryl praying he’d answer, my hands were sweaty my chest felt tight
“Angel you okay?” Daryl answered
“Daryl somethings wrong, people are coming back from the dead and eating each other please come get me I’m scared” I heard the tremble in my voice
“Don’t ya move im coming”
He was there in less than 10 minutes running into my classroom grabbing my by my shoulders and wrapping his arms around me tight holding me like the world was ending…….maybe it was
“We gotta go, we’ll go home and get our stuff but Merle’s packin some supplies fer us to get outta town ya gotta be strong” he said wiping my tears away
“Okay just don’t let go of me”
“Never”
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We got home and I was quick to fill up a duffel bag with spare clothes, family jewelry, pictures of Daryl and I, baby clothes I had started buying, prenatals and just as I was about to leave I looked into the spare room seeing my Ballet collection, the slippers were still as pretty as the day Daryl gifted them to me, I laid them on the top of my belongs in the bag and zipped it up
“My lil Ballerina ya ready to go?” Daryl asked gently running his hand down my arm
“I don’t wanna leave this is our home, where we were gonna raise this baby”
“We will be alright, cause as long as I got ya with me, I’m home” Daryl didn’t get extremely soft and sentiment with me but when he did I knew it was serious
“Okay, I’m ready” he held my hand tight leading me to his truck with his motorcycle strapped in the trunk, Merle hot on our tail driving his own bike, over the years Merle had gotten a bit more use to me but Merle was Merle he was still an ass and sometimes liked to take his frustrations out on me
“Where are we going?” I asked leaning my head on his shoulder trying to distract myself from the screams and blood all over the streets
“That place I took ya up at the quarry where…….where we were first together”
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“Daryl where are you taking me?” I asked as there was a cloth around my eyes as he drove me to god knows where
“Told ya it’s a surprise”
After some more time driving the truck stopped, Daryl got out coming to my side to help me out
“Can I please see now?”
He untied the cloth and what I saw made my heart melt, it was a tent over looking a serene blue quarry lake, he brought me inside the tent where he had a tons of blankets and a picnic basket in the middle
“D you did all this for me?” I asked looking at him with tears in my eyes
“ ‘Course Angel, after what ya did get me, patchin me up, making me feel safe, wanted to give ya somethin back”
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders something so new, after Daryl had that incident with his dad we had gotten a lot closer
“I appreciate this so much but you didn’t have to do something back for me, I help you because I want to because……..I love you” he was silent and tensed making me nervous, we’d talked about how he didn’t have much comfort and love growing up
“I think I love ya too, if this is what love feels like” he had the faintest smile
“Soooo would you be my boyfriend?” I asked biting my lip
“Definitely” he smirked as he backed me onto the blankets laying me down so he was hovered over me
“I wanna be with you Daryl, I’m ready”
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When we got to the quarry all the memories came rushing back as I looked out over the quarry, a group was already set up there from Atlanta and they were fine with taking the three of us, so after we set up Daryl’s and my tent I came here to try and get my thoughts together
“Ya okay Angel?” Daryl asked as he stood behind me wrapping his arms around my waist resting them on my tiny bump
“Just thinking about or first time here, how nervous you were, how much I realized I really love you” I said leaning back against him letting out all my stress knowing he had me
“Remembered how beautiful ya were, knew ya were the one fer me”
“How beautiful I was? Have I gotten ugly with age?” I teased
“Nah ‘course not, I got the hottest wife in the world and I ain’t letting ya go” he said as he placed a kiss to the top of my head
“We should get back, get settled for the night” I said as I held his hand scared of those “walkers” that could be wander up here
“I know it’s scary but ya gotta stay relaxed, ya know the doctor said stress is bad for the baby”
“I’m trying it’s just……a lot” we made it back to the camp and others were sitting around fires as the sun was slowly setting
I slouched next to Dale letting out an exhausted sigh letting the heat from the fire wash over me, soon Daryl came sitting by me, throwing a blanket over my shoulders and handing me a protein bar he must have packed
“You okay sweetie?” Dale asked, I only just met him but he was obviously very caring
“Oh yeah I’m fine, just a long day, glad we could get out of the town in time”
“So how do you two know eachother?” Andrea asked from across the fire
I looked at Daryl knowing he is a closed off person, being with him since we were young I forget about how he interacts with others but I understood why, he nodded giving me the okay
“We met in highschool, and have just been together since, our science teacher paired us up and changed my life for the better” I smiled remembering how cute I thought he was
“That’s so sweet, you seem like you’re perfect for eachother” Amy chimed in
I just smiled feeling Daryl squeeze my hand under the blanket so the others didn’t see, he was never big on pda
I ate my protein bar and started to feel all the stress from the day come crashing down on me so I leaned over to whisper to Daryl
“Can we go to bed?” he nodded standing up alerting the others we were leaving
“Ya better be careful” Ed said with a menacing feeling, he scared me he had this aura about him that made my skin crawl
Daryl and I walked off to our tent, where Merle was sat on a chair infront of his tent right next to ours
“Yall get nice and chummy with the camp, share fun camp stories” he mocked
“Come on Merle we need to get use to this no point in making enemies of the only people that might still be around” I said not wanting to deal with Merle’s antics right now
“Yer lucky we even helped ya out bitch” he groaned
“Shut yer damn mouth Merle” Daryl opened the tent and we left Merle to stew in his usual anger
I plopped down on the air mattress Daryl had blown up and laid blankets on, he rummaged through my bag to get my pajamas but he stopped
“Ya brought em?” He asked holding up my ballerina slippers
I don’t know why but I blushed
“Well yeah, it was the first thing you have to me” he smiled taking out my pajamas and handing them over
As I changed he took off his shirt and pants, pulling on some sweatpants, we crawled into bed laying in silence for some time
“Do you think this will all be over by the time the baby comes in 6 months?” I asked as he traced patterns around my belly
“I don’t know Angel, but we’ll figure something out, now get some sleep”
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“Okay class keep working on your test I’ll be right back” I said in a hurry as I raced off to the bathroom, just making it in time to throw up all my lunch
This didn’t feel like the usually stomach bug but what else could it be……..that’s when I remembered the last time Daryl and I were together, he had just got home from work and he was so worked up from his shift he didn’t even care to use a condom and just wanted to let out his stress
Now here I was after school picking up pregnancy tests from the drug mart, wondering which one would be the most accurate
“Need help?” I looked to my side to see a beautiful woman with locks in her hair and darker skin complexion
“Yes please, I’ve never had to pick before”
She handed me a rapid test in a pink box smiling like she knew how this felt
“I know what it’s like, had the same look you have now before I had my boy, you’ll be okay”
“Thanks, I’m y/n by the way, I haven’t seen you around before are you new here?”
“I’m just passing through and I’m Michonne”
“Well it’s nice to meet you, and thank you for this but I should probably go test this out”
“No problem, good luck girl”
I got home before Daryl quick to pee on the stick, waiting for the results, the box said 5 minutes and those 5 minutes were the most stressful longest minutes of my life
The timer went off, time to see if I was really pregnant, I took the test with shaky hands and flipped it over……….2 lines I was pregnant, I thought I’d be scared and knowing Daryl’s past I wasn’t sure how he’d feel but to have a little baby with the person I love most in this world just felt….right
“Angel I’m home” I heard Daryl call from the front door
I quickly put the test in my back pocket and left to greet him, nervous of how he’d feel
“Hey ya okay?” He asked always reading me like a open book
“I have something I need to tell you”
“What are ya okay?”
“I’m fine, I just want you to know that this is what I want but if you don’t want this then I don’t know I understand why you’d leave but……”
“Ya know I’d never leave ya, now tell me what’s going on, yer freakin me out”
I took the test out of my back pocket and handed it to him, his confusion very clear, he had no idea what he was holding
“What’s this?”
“A pregnancy test, it’s positive”
He didn’t say anything he just kept looking at the test, I could see the thoughts rushing in his head
“Please say something” I whimpered feeling the emotions build up in my throat
He wrapped his arms around my waist picking me up and spinning me around
“I love ya, and I’m gonna love this baby ya hear me”
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I woke up to the sun shinning through the tent giving a warm glow around us, remembering the dream of tell Daryl I was pregnant, ever since seeing those people ripping flesh apart I’ve been reminiscing a lot about the past, maybe it’s because there might be a chance that I’d never get that life back, the life I fought so hard for with Daryl, the one I craved and now it felt like it was being ripped away what if this changed things between us
I rolled over feeling the bed beside me was cold and empty, but Daryl was usually an early riser, I changed into some shorts and a more fitting short sleeve shirt, hauling on one of Daryl flannels over it, leaving the tent I saw Merle and Daryl sat around a little fire between our tents
I sat beside Daryl in a chair they must have gotten from the camp
“Here have some of this” Daryl said passing me so deer jerky he packed
“Ya okay?” He asked after I hadn’t spoken for some time
“I’m fine, just been thinking about a lot of stuff”
“Worlds not about you anymore sweetcheeks, get over yerself or ya ain’t gonna last” Merle said scoffing as if this was such a normal thing to happen to the world
“Merle can you just give me a break for once” I sighed rubbing my eyes
“Stop being a princess, may have worked before when Daryl was there to protect ya all the time from the big bad world but ya gotta suck it up” it’s kind of true, I was a bit more sensitive than others but I just didn’t like confrontation and if there ever was Daryl was there like my big strong knight
“Merle we ain’t going through this again” Daryl groaned obviously sick of Merle as well
“I’m gonna go for a walk” I stated getting up to get away from this growing tension
“Take yer knife” Daryl said handing it over
I walked through the surrounding woods enjoying the silence away from Merle, the only sound I could hear was the gentle chirps of birds littered in the trees above
I found a fallen tree sitting against it, little dandelions surrounding the base, I picked a bunch putting them in my pockets, knowing they were edible and might go along way with the group
In the past I would’ve never thought this little yellow “weed” was safe to consume but after a nature survival lesson from Daryl I was basically caught up on everything you could know about the woods
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“And why exactly do I have to know survival tips about the wild?” I asked looking at Daryl like he was crazy as we walked through trails for a date he planned
“If yer my girl now ya gotta be able to take care of yerself ya never know what might happen”
“Okay if you say so” I said giggling
He crouched down by a patch of dandelions picking one out and tucking it behind my ear
“Every part of them are edible, roots stem flower” he said continuing to walk
“Really but aren’t weeds bad?”
“Not these ones, trust me spending lots of time out here I’ve had to eat a fair few”
“I…….im sorry” I hated knowing he had to struggle with a neglectful family
“Ain’t yer fault……..ya know my mother woulda loved ya” he rarely talked about her but I knew what happened to her
“Really, that would’ve been nice to meet her, see the woman who made the sweetest guy I’ve ever met”
“That’s why she’d like ya, sweet girl, and because ya love me more than I deserve”
I grabbed his bicep stopping him and turning him towards me
“Don’t speak like that D, you deserve all the love the world can give, ya wouldn’t like if I talked about myself like that would you?” He lowered his head shaking it
“Nah guess not”
“Come on mountain man, show me the rest of your tips” I said and his face exploded in red
“NO NOT LIKE THAT, god Dixon you’re going to be the death of me” I said pushing him forward on the trail screaming internally as he laughed
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After spending about half an hour sitting here I got up heading back to camp, when I turned around I heard a groan and leaves crunching it was a walker only steps away from me, I stepped back tripping over a root landing hard in my tailbone, not realizing the walker was right infront of me falling ontop of me, it jaws snapping in my face, using all the strength I had to hold it back, I lifted my leg up kicking it over and off me, quickly taking out my knife driving it through its head ceasing its movement, I looked down over my first splattered with blood, the adrenaline still coursing through me I ran back to the camp past everyone to where Daryl was still sitting by our tent
“Angel what the hell happened” he asked standing up looking at me with horror
“A walker…..” I gasped
He ran his arms all over my body checking for bites, I tried to reassure him I wasn’t bite but for his peace of mind I let him continue
“Ya killed it?” Merle asked from next to us
“Guess I’m not that weak after all”
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the air has shifted. i was able to sleep but still when i awoke my heart was pounding and i can’t breathe. because of… dan and phil.
maybe this doesnt mean anything. maybe im just a crazy phannie (well thats true no matter what happens but still).
however, this has happened to me before. twice. let me tell y’all about those times.
the first time, i want to say was august of 2016 (could be slightly off). i had been watching dan and phil for over a year but i was still pretty new to the phandom as a space. i was at my grandmas house just chilling upstairs when this photo hit the tumblr scene:
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and oh. my. god. my stomach dropped. my heart started racing. i was pacing around the room going holy shit holy shit holy shit. this photo was a big deal at the time. it was dan’s first time letting his hair be natural at a m&g or youtube event. and, it was the first time ever we had seen dan wear nail polish.
when i woke up the next morning, i still couldnt breathe. the main thing is that i was surprised how much hold these youtubers had over my heart like jesus christ. but more importantly…
the. air. had. shifted. and i knew it.
this photo, to me, is the beginning of the soft launch era. it was after this that we got the halloween baking monster pops video, which entered our post baking universe. and it was after that we got the first gamingmas. but this photo, was the start of it all. the start of dan and phil tearing down the wall just a little and starting to be more themselves on camera.
the second time, is a bit more obvious of a shift. it was june 2019. the june video had been talked for over a year at this point. we weren’t really sure if it was happening or not. what it was. but we all had… ideas. but oh my goodness, the entire first 13 days of that month. i was just buzzing. i was freaking out. and i didnt know why!! well… i knew why. but surely two youtubers could not make me feel this way for two weeks straight. oh yes they could actually.
when this tweet happened:
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holy fuck, i think i shit myself. i felt the air shift. like in real time. i could barely talk because my heart was pounding so fast. i was playing truth bombs with my friends (because yes i am the #1 phannie) when i read the tweet, i dropped my phone and started tearing up whispering “oh my god its happening” over and over again. did they think i was crazy? yep!
but y’all… the. air. had. SHIFTED.
anyway long speech over. what was the point of this. to tell you that my phannie brain is convinced that something is happening. the air has shifted. i know it has. it has before. what does that mean for dan and phil? i don’t know yet! we’re just gonna have to see :))
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every-sanji · 29 days
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sacchiri · 28 days
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Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.
Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen
A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death
#hellsing#alucard#kouta hirano#translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent#fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online#i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443'#but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands#the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake#anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool#if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first#and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf#i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia#then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point#but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page#and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. ....#i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh#the hellsing brainrot runs deep#also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491#except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo#the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002#which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out??#i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch#sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less#it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was#maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'
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pallases · 2 days
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PASSED ALL MY CLASSES YIPPEEEE
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chiyoso · 4 months
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hella1975 · 11 months
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#be deadly fucking serious rn PLEASE whatttt. that post that's like 'parents will say something that shapes you as a person#but for them it was just another tuesday' like WHAT JUST HAPPENED#basically if you've been following me since i went to uni then you know first year was an... interesting time for me and my mum#we rowed all the time and it's the most unsettled our relationship has ever been and i do truly believe it was just some unfortunate#external factors like me leaving home would rock the boat enough it was always gonna rejig our dynamic#but on top of that i was her LAST child to fly the nest which she hated AND my sister was in germany being insanely dependent on my mum#so i got sidelined a lot which was shitty at the time but i get it now like im still a bit bitter bc being the eldest everything my sister#does is an exciting first and our age gap means typically our academic big moments tend to cross over#so my a-levels happened during her first year of uni so for me a-levels were the biggest thing ever but ofc her thing was bigger#but when she did HER a-levels it was the biggest thing ever and i was /just/ doing gcses etc and germany was the same#like it was JUST my first year of uni bc meanwhile my sister was living alone in a foreign country. so that sucks and my mum was#defo focused on my sister and i wasn't in a position to be like 'hey i know it doesn't seem like it now you've got one kid through it#but going to university and settling in for the first year is still an insanely stressful and lonely time so please pay attention to me'#and all in all me and my mum just STRUGGLED we fought A LOT and not petty rows either they were really emotionally heavy all the time#and basically what's caused this post is that she said about america 'it'll be the longest ive been away from you'#and i know what she meant like a month out of england is the biggest thing ive ever done and im not even in EUROPE so this is huge#but i kinda said like 'im pretty sure i went a month in first year a couple times without visiting?' AND I MEANT IT CASUAL#BC I AM PRETTY SURE IT'S TRUE LIKE I WASNT EAGER TO GO HOME I WENT SOME WEEKS NOT EVEN RINGING#which REALLY shows how strained it must have been at the time. and she responds with confusion so i pointed out that first year#wasn't a great time for us and again still being casual bc it's such a fundamental truth for me that first year was Bad for me and mum#and she just blinks at me like 'what are you talking about' what. WHAT. like i knew she wasn't paying much attention to me then#but it made me MISERABLE for an entire YEAR like boom can testify bc they had to deal with my bs over the phone the entire time#and my mum just. didn't even notice that we weren't doing well. what. what the fuck even..... baffled by this actually#like i am REELING from this i feel like she just tipped the fundamentals of my world with that#hella goes home
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bixiaoshi · 19 days
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#the more i think abt relationships n having a partner the more convinced i get that i'll never get to experience that loo#lol* for multiple reasons actually#idk i feel like im just not the kind of person ppl would have a crush on you know n for a relationship u need two ppl so#n i feel like that comes directly from the fact that as a teenager no one ever had a crush on me or confessed to me#n like sure relationships aren't everything but not being the person ppl had crushes on during teenager years just. gives u a feeling i#cannot rlly explain you know. the only ppl who understand me is ppl who went through the same as me#n it's so frustrating lol bcs when i want to express how that makes me feel im always hit with 'ohh but you're so pretty' 'but you didn't#miss out much!' 'if you don't look for a relationship it will come!' and it gets so tiring bcs it's always the same over and over!!#like i've never actively looked for a partner n it never came either way!!!!!!!!!! and i'd like to decide if it was worth it or not!!!!!!#idk man being almost 25 and never have been in a relationship did things to me that i don't think i'll ever get over#i convinced myself i'm never gonna get into a relationship to either get those thoughts out of my head or to like prepare myself towards th#future bcs honestly? i just think thats not for me#and it sucks a bit you know? like i'd love to know how it feels to have someone in love with you#i yearn for that but i simply don't think i'm someone ppl fall in love with. never have been and convinced myself i never will#i may delete this but i needed to get it out lol#ppl who never has been in relatiomships n are adults now let's all hold hands 🫴#jo.txt
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orcelito · 30 days
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Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,
I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.
#speculation nation#this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off.#to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one#but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time.#my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here.#the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years#my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most.#im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession.#it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous.#but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole.#maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth.#that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing.#idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death#to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole?#i dont fucking think so!#yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight#even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death#whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life.#it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!!#and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this#bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about.#but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger...#and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol#anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes.#but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen...#negative/#i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.
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fruitsyrups · 2 months
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ive crossed over into an alternate dimension where side profiles are somehow sometimes easier to draw than other angles. bodies in side profile however... nooo thank you...
#ok the back of the head is hard but the facial features proportions kind of feel easier to figure out . maybe.#weird#n e way im happy with the way i draw faces mostly maybe 50 percent of the time but im so not caught up on drawing bodies#like to the point it just looks bizarre#decent proportional face with like at least some understanding of structure/form even if it's not much#and then the stiffest clunkiest body you ever did see#or i can go the other way around and have an ok body. like decently fluid / proportional. but no face#theres some kind of disconnect. cant have both at once#thats only a sometimes thing though anyways. faces are generally easier#tried to do a teeny bit of gesture drawing yesterday but i was feeling sooo lazy and impatient so only 3 of them turned out ok ish#im pretty sure i post more often talking about art than i actually post art#i dont post most of the things i draw#i like to have my little secrets...#secrets in question are just literally anything that isnt adventure time art#actually looking through my art folder is crazy cause like if i saw this 3 years ago (i was really bad at drawing 3 years ago) i would. idk#drop dead or something#but now its like yeah same old same old. lots of problems. need to work on those.#but its nice to step back and be like woagh holy shit. massive improvement#earlier i was trying to dfraw a character and it wasn't coming out right but instead of getting frustrated and discouraged#it was more like i had this feeling of . idk. excitement to get better at drawing?#i dont know if this is just a temporary mood or maybe im turning over a new leaf. new optimistic mindset about art#<- watch that 'new mindset' totally disappear when i have a slightly more prolonged period of art struggle. lol
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girlscience · 2 months
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boy howdy, I am working myself into a full panic over this. if I get an hour of sleep tonight it will be a miracle.
#like this is an INTERVIEW. do you know how many job interviews I have had in my life????#compared to how many jobs I have had???????#I GOT REJECTED BY WALGREENS FOR CHRISTS SAKE#I just. this man is holding my entire plan for my future right now in his hands#if he doesn't want me. If he decides I wouldn't be good in his lab I don't know what I'll do#like yeah yeah life will keep going and the world will keep turning and stuff#but I am not joking I will be devastated. and then I will have to TELL people about it#and like I still have yet to hear back from the other school and none of the professors there have talked to me#so idk if I could do what I want to there either (they do have the classes I want so I'm assuming one of the professors does what I want)#and everyone keeps saying it'll be fine and I'll do good and anyone would want me in their lab#but I DONT THINK IM IMPRESSIVE. I compare myself to other scientists and eh. I don't measure up#like sure I have good bench skills and I can learn pretty much anything you set me to#but I don't know how to come up with research proposals#I don't know how to ask good questions about papers I read#I don't have good ideas for further research#like. I did library prep at work for 3 years and we recently hired someone who has more or less taken it over#and he actually understands and talks about the actual molecular processes in a way I never learned#idk I just feel like yeah I'm good at science. but I'm good because I'm good at following directions#I am not actually inovative or creative or increasing understanding#point is I am stressed and people keep telling me not to be but I don't believe them and I am scared that I have got myself too excited#and I am about to be let down very hard very fast#and I don't really have any safety nets in place if it doesn't work out
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pepprs · 10 months
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june 27th give it up for june 27th
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#purrs#delete later#sure would be an INFINITELY more special and auspicious day if there wasn’t going to be • thunderstorms all day • a budget meeting • two#back to back orientations where i am going to have to take on 2X THE FACILITATION ROLESSSSS 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 bc we’re doing that now. LMFAOOOOOO#<- and by that i mean splitting up the facilitation so instead of 4 ppl shari ng responsibility for talking AND doing logistics there’s 2#ppl talking and 2 ppl doing logistics. and mutuals need i remind you that facilitating this specific session requires being extremely high#energy and mobile and getting ppl ‘hyped’ and there are 383729473 reasons why that is difficult for me to do in front of 100+ new students#plus three cofacilirators i am scared of / intimidated by for various reasons. im going to be sick soooo genuinely. i HATE this 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#anyways yeah. today is my one year anniversary and also my first day as an fte so. 🫠 and one year ago today was pretty awful too like my#first day was actually extremely extremely bad and i cried like multiple times every day that week bc it kept getting worse so. love how#things have changed so substantially since then and the things that triggered me on that day aren’t an issue anymore <3 (they are very much#still an issue it’s just the specific people involved have changed bc half the ppl working here including one of my dearest closest#mentors who was deeply involved in that situation have left the university and now it is utterly unrecognizable and every day i wake up in#an alternate universe i know deep down i am not supposed to be in and yet im trapped in it irreversibly and this IS my universe now. lolll 🥰#)) also ik it’s stupid to still be grieving over this but like. the entire way it all went down + the fact that it even did in the first#place and the STAGGGERING consequences of it. are kind of insane. every new development makes me feel more and more like im living in a fake#reality and nothing that is happening is supposed to be happening and im dreaming it all but it’s a bad dream. and idk how to accept#that this is NOT. a dream and that what happened happened and now i have to live with it and stop curling in on myself like a prey animal an#and isolating myself from everyone i love and taking every single conceivable situation badly. like tfw da therapy isn’t working 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#anyways i need to go get ready and practice the fucking 16 page facilitation guide 🙄 see u on the other side lol
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lycanthian · 4 months
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#i am so in love its unreal. never have i ever before felt this wealth of human emotions so concentrated over the past month and a week#genuinely mind boggling how talking to logan more and more and then dating him has literally made me feel likr a new man.#not that im different or that i absolutely need him to function in my day to day life#but its the richness that being in love brought to my life that was unexpected#i had a thing with another online friend like 4 yrs ago and it never felt like much admittedly. i almost gave up dating when he broke it off#bc i thought there was something to online dating that wasnt cutting it and i didnt stand a chance at meeting someone irl#and that entire time i knew logan at least a little bit but we didnt really begin talking often until like#6 months ago maybe? and just the more we talked the more we clicked ajd i liked him so much but i was so afraid that it wouldnt be mutual#and i was so afraid that even if he is in what feels like a pretty open polycule hed never ask me out or anything#and then he did and my world felt like it exploded into a cacophony of colors and sounds and feelings and emotions#like something had been unlocked in me that hadnt been touched in years. my ability to love.#and with that came some of the most upsetting spiraling intense depressive states of my life. but it was okay. it still is okay.#its only been a bit over a month but it feels like so much more than that bc i feel like everything is so much more vivid now#i also think im beginning to take a very particular fondness to someone else in the cule but im so not stating who or expanding upon it#he also makes me really happy but i dont think im ready to take that step yet. even if it would be a dream come true.#i love what i have now and i dont want to complicate it yet.#a extremely loving and charming boyfriend and a couple of other close friends who happen to also be dating him is good. its awesome#i just. i dont know. i dont know how logan would feel abt it. i dont know abt how other guy would feel abt it.#sometimes im not even sure how i would feel abt it#aughghhhhhhhh. yeah. human emotion. love for my boyfriend who is beautiful and loving and charming and funny and talented. ueh#i dont think he reads these rambles. sometimes i hope he does. sometimes i hope he doesnt. i love him so much#i dont want to worry him with my shit constantly but it would also be nice to worry him with it occasionally#logan if you see this i love you more than words could ever describe. im so happy that ur in my life and that you chose me to be in ur own#gamey rambles#💜
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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wheucto · 8 months
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what the
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