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darth-does-stuff · 3 years

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its ramble time. also yeah this is gonna be p long (hence the word - rambles) and prob talking a lot about patton and janus because i havent talked about them much and i have IDEAS

(also i know i want remy to be involved somehow but i havent figured out how yet. suggestions welcome ghjghjgs)

so thomas and logan are elves, roman remus and virgil are magic users (witches warlocks wizards whatever the word is lmao), remus specializes in wind magic, roman in fire, and virgil in weather.

the magic virgil uses is often called chaos magic and in order for something to be generally classified as chaos magic, it needs to be unusual/rare, chaotic (duh) or unpredictable, and destructive. (these classifications might change as i think on them more). wind magic is largely argued upon whether it is chaos magic or not, seeing as how it is largely unpredictable and can be seen as destructive, but it doesnt fit the bill with the first one, leading to the arguments. same with fire magic, but they said it was too common for it to be chaos magic. virgil having weather magic means that he can create storms, sandstorms, generate lightning, windstorms, and also able to control (or rather ‘bend’) rain. of course, there are drawbacks and limitations, adding to the fact that virgil has a very hard time controlling his magic and harnessing it, he is not op dw. magic is also very much tied to emotions btw

also ro re and vee have two moms and they are a lesbian couple sorry i dont make the rules

elven lore and shit time - while gold is rare in many places in the fantasy land (i still have yet to decide on a name), in the elven land (i have not decided names for each section either lmao) iron and steel are actually harder to find than gold. gold still holds its own worth, but iron and steel are generally regarded as superior in worth than gold, which is why many nobles possess the material. and ive already explained the left eye crest thing with the elves, their left eye has a shape or crest to it along with a color that glows slightly. the glow can be dimmer or brighter depending on their emotions at the time. logan has a diamond shape to his left eye and a leaf green glow to it, which also happens to be his eye color as well. thomas’ is a heart and rainbow color and glow, while his actual eye color is an almond brown. ill discuss appearances in another post btw. anyways, the elven lifestyle is the most similar to humans, having a battleschool, its system nd shit, etc. although it does differ in terms of ‘rulers’. the humans have a monarchy while the elves rule through a council of 9. (an odd number so there arent any ties) logan uses both a sword and a bow as his weapons of choice. thomas was forced to go to battleschool so he basically just dips as soon as he can after teaching logan what he knows and becomes a healer because HEALER THOMAS

PATTON AND JANUS TIME PATTON AND JANUS TIME PATTON AND JA

patton is one of the merfolk, who (in this au) are a species that have two forms. their mer form, where the lower half of them is the mer tail fish tail what the fuck is it called. anyways the color of pattons tail (wtf is it dude) is a desaturated light blue. he has these like ??? spikes?? is that the word? jutting out from his forearms. (at the very least pointy things) and he will not hesitate to use them as weapons. yeah he’s a feral boy. he has some spots of scales on his upper body but they are pretty scarce. in his human form, he just looks like a human i dunno what you expected lmao. in the water his eyes are a really potent blue while on land they are much duller. he can also breathe underwater regardless of the form. patton also cant really will himself to either form, if he wants to be human form he has to be on land and vice versa for the mer form.

janus is a fucking uh,, dude idk the word for it. i guess the general word for it would be dragon but he’s more humanoid than dragon. a cross between the two ig. anyways he has scales on one side of his face, scaly wings because fuck yeah, horns jutting out from his forehead, and more shit that i have forgotten but i know he has it. the scales are a golden color, with warm yellows and light oranges mixed in. left eye has a dragon pupil type thing, like a slitted pupil. fuck i hate describing things ghdgakhgask. im playing around with the idea that dragons can shapeshift but nothing is set in stone with that tbh. most dragon folk are like janus, a mix between dragon and human, and only the really powerful ones are the ones that can actually turn into dragons so thats pretty rare. but fuck descriptions its time for fucking FRIENDSHIP and FAMILY

janus has a little brother whose name is emile and they are 6 and actually pretty shy. it took them a while to warm up to patton but now he literally loves pat and everytime he sees them he bolts over and just gives him a huge hug. patton tries to act all tough but he is so soft for emile there is no denying it and they all know it. jan and emile have an agender parent and a genderfluid parent. agender parent uses xe/xem btw.

patton has a mother and never knew his father. he and his mother have a rather,,, distant relationship i suppose. his mother is in the royal guard so she is called away often (though it does not excuse the neglect in the slightest) her and pat just mutually acknowledge that they both exist and go about their day. one day pat confessed to jan that he never really felt that they were his mom, more just a person who birthed him. one time in a particular bout of drowsiness, patton confessed that janus and his family were the ones that he truly considered family. janus got choked up and was like ‘shut up you bastard im supposed to be tough /pos’

the first time janus showed him how he could get rid of the dragon aspects of himself for a limited time, patton literally took one look at his human form and shouted ‘what the FUCK’ and janus was like ‘IVE SEEN YOU CHANGE FORM BEFORE WHATS YOUR DEAL’ and patton just screams ‘THIS IS FUCKIN WEIRD’ (all /lh) janus and patton get up to so many shenanigans its a wonder they havent gotten caught yet lmao

patton, once again in sleep deprivation cause thats the only fuckin time he’ll confess anything about his emotions, told janus that he was his first friend and that he was so scared to mess it up when they first became friends. he’d spent most of his life alone and always in this state of just,,, perpetual anger, bubbling right underneath the surface with no way to escape. it led to him getting in a lot of fights and just lashing out, especially at people who tried to become his friend, scaring them away. when janus came along and stayed, he said it was the best thing that ever happened to him. he finally had a friend. even when he lashed out and retreated back into himself, putting up those walls again, janus still stayed. he helped break those walls down bit by bit, helped patton with his anger issues, helped patton realize that janus was here to stay, and that he wasnt leaving.

if you cant tell, i love them sm ghdgaskgjs

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oh-theatre · 4 years

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Just A Remnant Now

A/n: lmao this is so bad im so sorry,,, lmaooo ITS SO BAD

TW: Death, spirit, spit, farting, destroy, pain, graphic descriptions, ANGST, no happy ending

“Im sorry Remus I cant talk to you right now, its been months and I cant figure out where this spirit energy is coming from” Logan huffs. “Tomorrow is my presentation and if i have nothing to show for it my entire funding, this project crumbles” He rambles. Remus follows him, his feet carry a sweet lightness as he listens.

“What will they do with the spirit or ghost?” Remus questions, sitting on one of the cold benches focusing hard as he fiddles with something in his hand. A cold breeze as Logan snatches the tool away from him. “Hmph” Remus pouts

“My guess? Ill get a whole team of scientists! A whole new lab with facilities and so much more! And ill tear it apart and study every aspect” Logan beams, the glint in his eye sickened Remus.

“So you'll kill it?” Remus scoffs “Seems kinda brutal”

“No ill just...take it apart to...examine its..origins and what it can do and...its a ghost what does it matter Remus?” Logan inquires, typing viciously away at his keyboard.

“They still have feelings, their sensories are there!” Remus argues, feeling his face flush. “The way you plan to tear them apart is inhumane! Its against their will Logan, they are still forms of living.

“They are, in every sense of the word, not Remus. They are dead, figments of what used to be. They cant feel pain, or emotion, they are a remnant” Logan explains

“They are more than that! Lo you're not listening!” Remus stands now, Logan could be intimidating but Remus towered over the scientist.

“Im not listening because you don't know what youre talking about” Logans cold glare would pierce anyone but not Remus. “You're just my engineer.” He spits

Though i wish we could be more, both think in unison through their frustration.

“They have the memories of their old life, they have feelings, they have feelings of the world they must traverse through now as a spirit. They develop feelings, emotions, memories and more. They travel through to the middle ground between living and dead. If they accept it, they move on but some choose to stay!” Remus finishes, his breath cold as it spits on Logan. “Some don't have a choice! Some are tethered! But they aren't just ghosts Logan. They live in the now, through whatever means. Tearing them apart with my molecular design would kill them, and every ounce of pain felt would hurt just as much as it would to you.” Remus finishes, his body shakes, he tries his best to keep solid to the ground.

“You've developed emotions for these things” Logan rolls his eyes. His judgment was not missed. “And if im not mistake, its your device Remus” Logan reminds

“You're right...it is” He turns to where the device sits immaculate, his design perfect. Such as the mad genius he was. He took his work in his hands, feeling every ounce of metal and wiring that was in it. Then, in the flash of an eye, the machine crashed. It fell to the ground with the force of anger, Logans shock and frozen state was unmissable as the pieces clattered around the ground.

“What have you done” He whispers viciously. Remus stands triumphant feeling the pain inside.

“What I should have done as soon as I made it” Remus sighs.

“Why do you care so deeply for these things! You have no idea what they are or what they do!” Logan yells, his voice echoes through the lab.

“For how smart you are.. youre so fucking dumb Logan!” Remus argues back. “For months the same spiritual energy has been popping up on your monitor! You couldn't put two and two together?” He smirks. “You really think after your failed convention last year they would send you an engineer?”

“What are you saying” Logan breathes

“You're so dumb Logan!” Remus swipes an angered hand across the table, tools crash to the ground.

“Stop calling me that” Remus’s accusations had cut deep.

“You call me that at least once every hour!” The continue arguing, it hurts each of them more than can be described. Each new insult is a breach to the relationship they had built up over the past year. Finally Remus couldn't keep it in anymore. “Im the spirit Logan!”

the silence that fell through the lab was piercing.

“I didn't want to move on because fuck closure, so i found you. I liked what you were doing...or at least what i thought you were doing. But once i had built the machine i could have left...but I liked you Logan. Plus you hadn't found a spirit! I thought hey maybe this will be the final piece of the puzzle...” Logans speechless breaths were terrifying. Remus cant help but reach out, he focuses allowing his hands to solidify. He takes Logans hands. “Watch” He instructs, after a quick thought Logans hands fall through Remus’s hold.

“no no” He tries desperately to grasp to Remus, he wants to feel his hands. “No no lies lies all of it” He spirals, Remus just watches knowing this was inevitable. Remus feels a tug at his heart, he works quickly and the machine is one again. Logan remains at his desk, murmuring nonsense.

“Lo?” Remus for all his chaos, had the softest voice. “Take me...to the demonstration tomorrow” he offers. Logan looks up finally, his eyes red from thoughts. “I was just another chess piece for your game, just use me...i don't think i wanna stay around much longer anyway” He sighs.

“No Remus. We have to stop this project.”

“what?” Remus barely breathes.

“I was wrong...I was wrong and so misguided.” Logan admits, he has no idea if his next move would work but he takes Remus hands feeling a warmth as they stay solid in his hold. “You were never a piece...but I was wrong. Because they can feel, you feel...and I feel you” He moves a hand to Remus cheek. Logan had never seen this energetic bumble of ‘not safe for work’ jokes and buzzing laughter so...tired. And it was his fault. “You feel pain and joy and sadness and-”

“Love” Remus adds, Logan holds back his desperation.

“I was truly an idiot, I was so focused on not looking like a failure I forgot my true goal. To discover and explore...not destroy” Logan sighs “I wanted to learn, but i let that go and became this”

“You dont wanna...destroy?” Remus cant quite wrap his head around it.

“No god. I wanted to understand! But i let the success and money get to me. And i lost sight of who I was. You arent a danger...you are a miracle” He smiles ever so slightly. “SOmething I love so much is not worth destroying” He states

“Love?” Remus feels himself relax.

“So..so much” Logan says

“Hah you're in love with a ghost” Remus teases, Logan sighs with a giggle and a playful eye roll.

“I still have the machine remus” Logan threatens with a grin. Remus steps back and gasps his collar.

“How dare thee!” He cries ever so mockingly. “I thought you cared”

“Woe is you” He laughs quickly pulling Remus into a kiss.

Yeah its weird, but so intriguing. He expected a cold chill but received warmth in Remus’s embrace.

They canceled the demonstration and gracefully stepped away. Years passed and Logan desperately tried to find a solution, he wanted Remus to stay, to be here in all his physical form. But on a quiet fall night, Remus was sprawled across the couch trying to dunk cheese balls into his mouth. Logan sat at his work bench concocting as he did. Logan had had his doubts over the years, Remus was a ghost. But Remus explained that the longer he was on earth he felt tethered a developed a physical form. He wasn't a human but he wasn't a ghost, almost a third party but he was real.

But he was fading.

And Logan worked tirelessly to find out what he could do. He had consulted with Virgil and Patton, two scientists who had done great strides for the world of science. He constantly worked alongside Janus but to no avail. Remus was fading, he would have to go soon. Remus didn't mind, all he tried to do was comfort his partner but Logan, for as smart as he was, was in deep denial.

But this fall night, as a cheesy treat fell into Remus’s mouth his image flickered. This caught Logans eye from his work.

“Remus?” He rushed over watching Remus sit up straight. The flickers were slow before they became full glitches and constantly. “No i need more time. Surely.” He could feel his tears coming.

“Promise me youll find someone? Whos maybe not a farting ghost” Remus shrugs, Logan shakes his head, this wasnt the time for jokes. “Logan you knew this was coming. Also lets be honest, it was weird im a ghost”

“You're not though! You're a tethered!” He cries

“Guess my tether snapped” Remus sighs. He wanted to spend these last few moments in sweet bliss but instead, in true Logann fashion, he was arguing. “Come cuddle me you obnoxious man” He pouts

He knows its a joke but the sadness in Remus’s eyes finally catches up to the scientist. He obliges sitting with Remus. They do cuddle, and Remus finally lets go. His tears are soft and he doesnt think much but he doesnt know whats going to happen next.

“You should get a dog” He sniffles, Logan laughs dryly stroking the messiest hair he had ever known. “Also Janus totally likes you” Remus wasnt oblivious to the way Janus looked at Logan. But he didn't mind, Logan was his...but he wanted his partner to be happy once he was gone.

“Perhaps, but let me just...let me mourn alright?” Logan asks

“Fine, but promise me you wont mourn forever, please?” He holds up his pinky, Logan rolls his eyes but promises either way. Remus leans up a tad to kiss Logans cheek. “Lets just sit here ok?” He requests, Logan grants it. “I love you Logie” He knows that only he is allowed to call him such a name. They sit in silence, feeling the heartbeats and warmth. Every intimate move felt so careful.

“I love you so much” He says after a moment of silence, he awaits a response but looks down to see Remus was no longer there. A small gasp as he takes to his chest. This is what it felt like, so much pain. They never conducted the experiments but as he clutched his heart and sobbed loudly he imagined this was close enough.

#intrulogical #logan sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides #write #writing #youtube #angst #no happy ending #thomas sanders #fanfic #fic #fanfiction

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the-small-one-to-rule-them-all · 4 years

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What is this Feeling?

(no it’s not a wicked au, im sorry. Oooh that’s a good idea I might write that later) Summary: Logan tries desperately to figure out what the heck he is feeling. Virgil is a good boyfriend and is there to help.

pairings: Romantic Analogical, background romantic Royality

word count: 3425

warnings: Panic attack, social dysphoria (discussed and described), kissing/making out, as always, please tell me if i missed anything or you want anything tagged A/N: Here’s some hurt/comfort with analogical. Enjoy!!

Logan knows exactly one thing he is good at regarding emotions, keeping them locked away forever and never acknowledging them. Admittedly, he knows avoidance isn't the best policy for most any situation, but he cannot bring himself to face the avalanche of pain that is gnawing at his stomach right now, so he ignores it.

The worst part of acknowledging it would include facing what brought it on. The fact that Virgil just referred to Logan as his boyfriend. That shouldn’t hurt. Logan loves Virgil. It should make him feel happy, happy that Virgil is willing to acknowledge their relationship, happy that he is lucky enough to be in this relationship, happy to be reminded of those things. He should not feel.... Whatever this is. Or what he is pretending to not feel.

The knot in his stomach almost fades as some time passes, and then he overhears Virgil and Roman bickering in the kitchen over who’s boyfriend is cuter, and who is the better kisser, bragging about their respective boyfriends. It is sweet and endearing and Logan is happy that Virgil loves him so much, but with every use of that relationship label and every “he” and “him” Logan hears, the pit in his stomach grows, expanding upwards until it fills his stomach and becomes a tightness in his chest. It physically hurts and Logan wonders what is going on. When he hears Virgil refer to him as handsome, he knows he cannot control this ball of emotion rising in him any longer. He is going to break.

Logan quickly sinks out to his room as a lump starts to form in his throat. He locks himself in the bathroom. No one can see. No one can know what is happening. All these feelings are illogical. There is no reason for him to be sad. It would be inconsiderate to worry any of them with the brokenness that is these feelings.

He stares himself down in the mirror. He grips the edge of the counter and tries the breathing routine he has Virgil use to calm down. He repeats the exercise again and again and again and again and nothing is happening. It isn’t working. The emotions are still welling up just as strongly as ever. He can feel them pushing at the back of his eyes, forming tears that threaten to spill.

“No.” he whispers as he shuts his eyes, fighting back the tears, “no.”

Suddenly he hears a small knock on the bathroom door, Virgil’s knock.

“Hey, L, is something wrong or are you okay?”

Logan desperately wants to speak, to get Virgil to leave him alone so he can get through this by himself. But he suddenly feels his throat tighten. If he speaks he will cry. He cannot cry. Not now. Not with Virgil outside. If Virgil heard... he might just break the door down to get to him. So he stays quiet.

“L? Hey, I know you like your privacy, and I don't mean to intrude, but if you don't answer i'm going to come in, okay? You’re worrying me.”

Logan curses himself, the last thing he wants to do right now is upset Virgil. His options race through his head and he gives in. Virgil is coming in. He can't stop this. He is going to upset Virgil needlessly, he already has.

“I'm going to come in, okay?”

He hears the door rattle and is relieved when he remembers he locked it.

“Logan?” Virgil says, and Logan can hear the panic rising in his voice, “Logan, please unlock the door. I'm really worried. Please.”

Logan sighs, he can't have Virgil panicking while he breaks down, now can he? That would just make him feel like a terrible partner. He places his forearms on the counter, leans his head on his hands, and with a flick of his wrist unlocks the door. Which opens almost immediately.

“Lo... what’s wrong?”

Logan hears Virgil close the door behind him and is grateful for the privacy.

“Logan? Can... Can I touch you?”

If he says no then he is going to have to speak, so Logan taps once on the counter, their sign for yes. Just a moment later, he feels a hand gently touch his back, and that is all it takes. He lets out a quiet sob, and then another, and another until he is openly crying. He doesn't quite know what happens but somehow he finds himself on the floor of his bathroom with Virgil holding him, softly whispering calming words to him.

“I’m sorry. I'm not- You shouldn't-” Logan finds he can't even form a sentence. He wants Virgil to go, he doesn't want to be a burden, but at the same time he never wants Virgil to let go.

“Shh, hey, it’s okay. Talking can wait. You don't have to explain. I’ll still be here when you finish crying. I'm not going anywhere.”

Logan can feel himself give into Virgil’s calming words and let the sadness roll over him. Slowly, his cries fade and he is able to gain ahold of himself again.

Virgil lets out a breath, “Are you hurt somewhere? Anything bleeding or broken?”

Logan shakes his head.

Virgil releases another breath and Logan feels his body relax under him a little.

They sit there in silence for a while. Virgil summons a glass of water for Logan who drinks it gratefully.

Only when the glass is empty does Virgil speak again, “Could you tell me what happened?”

Logan sighs, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you.”

“I know.” Virgil assures him softly, “I'm okay now. But you didn't answer my question.”

Logan groans, “It is illogical. Things that should not have made me upset somehow upset me more than I could have anticipated. You shouldn't have had to deal with that.”

Virgil brings a hand up to play with Logan’s hair. “I came because I care. I'm your boyfriend, I kinda signed up to deal with you when you are feeling bad. And Lo, I didn't ask if your emotions were logical. I didn't assume that they were since most emotions aren't. I asked what they were and what caused them.”

Logan frowns, he is going to have to do this isn't he? Fine, might as well get it over with, “I... I don't know what words I would use to describe what I felt other than bad. This bad feeling has been coming up more and more lately and I don't know why or what to do about it because I don't know what I am feeling.”

Virgil hums and Logan can feel it vibrate against his hands, “That sounds frustrating.”

“It is.”

“Okay. Well maybe it would be better to focus on fixing the problem before identifying the feeling. Giving yourself space can help you think about it more clearly if you don't understand it right now. And besides, there’s no reason to keep feeling bad if something can be changed, even if you don't know why it makes you feel bad.”

Logan nods, that is logical, “I will have a hard time putting this into words and it might sound shocking or upsetting to you at first, but I promise, none of my feelings toward you have changed. Those feelings are pleasant and make me quite happy.”

“I'm glad I can make you happy, and thank you for warning me. What was it that upset you?”

“Well uh, i've been noticing that when anyone calls me he or him it feels uncomfortable. In fact, most masculine-coded language is feeling more and more uncomfortable. For example, being called “handsome” and being referred to with he/him pronouns makes me uncomfortable. ... So does being called or referred to as your “boyfriend”. Not, not because of the relationship aspect, I still love you and being with you, it’s just something about the term itself that upsets me. I cannot tell you why these words make me uncomfortable, it is illogical, and frustrating, but... they do.”

Virgil is quiet for a minute, “Was the use of those words in the friendly banter Roman and I had what upset you?”

Logan nods, “Which is ridiculous because you were being remarkably sweet and endearing and the compliments felt nice... but those other words didn't.”

Virgil shakes his head, “It is not ridiculous. It is okay to feel conflicted emotions because of that scenario. I would actually argue that it is logical.”

Logan shrugs.

“Thank you for telling me that those words upset you. For now, to address the problem as we understand it, I am happy to refer to you as my partner, if that term is better for you.”

Logan nods, “It is, I would appreciate that.”

“Okay. On that note, do you have an idea of what pronouns I should use for you while you figure this out?”

Logan thinks about it for a moment, “I think I might like to try they/them, if you don't mind.”

“I don't mind at all.” Virgil hums, holding Logan close, “Should we tell the others about the pronoun switch?”

“Yes, but not right now. Right now I want to clean my face and fix my hair.”

Virgil chuckles, “Okay Lo. I’ll wait in your room.”

Logan stands and helps Virgil to his feet. They turn and look at themself in the mirror, grimacing at the red and slightly puffy face that stares back.

Logan sets about pulling themself together, combing their hair and adding a little hairspray, straightening their shirt, cleaning their face and applying cool water to the swollen and red areas, patting them dry as they calm.

When they are done they replace their glasses and step out into their room to see Virgil waiting for them on the bed.

“Hey, feeling any better?”

“Yes.”

“Good, i'm glad.”

Logan hums and joins Virgil on the bed. They sit in silence for a moment before Virgil’s body stills for a moment and he seems to have a realization of sorts. He asks his next question slowly, as if he is thinking over each word as he says it, “Logan. Have you considered that maybe, you might not be a boy? Because it kind of sounds like you might be feeling dysphoric over the terminology we have been using for you.”

Logan is quiet, “No. I... I hadn't thought about that, but now that you mention it... I do think that might be something I should look into.”

Virgil nods, “That sounds like a good idea for something to do after dinner. When I came up there was about an hour until dinner, I'm not sure how much longer we have but I'm sure it isn't long. Do you want to go down now and let them know you’re okay, or would you rather wait up here until dinner is ready?”

Logan shrugs, “I would rather wait. Why don't we have dinner up here and you can help me research different genders and think through whatever it is that I'm feeling?”

Virgil smiles, “That sounds nice. I would be more than happy to help you process things and be here for you to bounce thoughts off of.”

Logan smiles, “Thank you.” They are quiet for a moment as they seem to ponder something, “If... if we do this research and I realise i'm not a boy... will you still love me?”

Virgil frowns, “Of course I will Logan! What would make you think that I wouldn’t?”

Logan folds their hands in their lap and looks down at them, “Well, you are gay, a boy who is attracted to other boys. So therefore, if I am not a boy... your feelings could change.”

Virgil’s face softens, “Come ‘ere.” He says making grabby hands at Logan.

Logan leans into Virgil’s tight embrace.

“I understand your concern, but Lo, my love is not so fragile that something like you making a new self-discovery would change my love for you. We will probably become wrinkled and gray and change in any number of ways as we grow. You could discover that you are asexual, aromantic, or even just a fan of anime. Would any of those changes make you wonder if I still love you?”

“No,” Logan mutters.

Virgil hums, “You wouldn’t question my love then, don't question it now. I love you Logan, for who you are. I wouldn’t trade you for anything or anyone.”

Logan buries their head in Virgil’s chest, “I love you too, Virgil. Sometimes I can't believe I managed to convince you to be mine.”

Virgil laughs, “You didn't convince me, all you did was ask.”

“Well still, I can't believe you love me. What did I do to deserve you starlight?”

Virgil shakes his head, blushing “You’re getting sappy on me, that breakdown must’ve tired you out more than I thought.”

“Is my sappiness a bad thing?”

Virgil shakes his head, “Never.”

Logan sighs, “Thank you V.”

“Any time Lo.”

A few moments later Patton appears in the doorway, knocking gently on the door, “Hey kiddos, if you both are up for it, dinner is ready downstairs.”

Virgil nods, “Okay Pat, thanks for letting us know.”

Patton smiles, sparing a small concerned glance at Logan before heading back downstairs.

Virgil watches him go and sighs, “He is worried about you Lo. Why don't we have dinner downstairs and let them know that you’re okay and then come up here and research after dinner?”

Logan sighs, “I suppose, if only to make sure they don't worry too much.”

“Thank you Lo. And, just so you know, I'm going to let you be the one to decide how to tell them your pronouns, I don't want to do or say anything wrong.”

Logan nods, “I appreciate that.”

Logan and Virgil take their typical seats at the table having filled their plates in the kitchen.

Patton smiles, concern still shining through his eyes, “I'm glad you two could join us, I was starting to get a little worried about you.”

Logan starts to cut up their food, “I understand, but I assure you Patton, everything is fine.”

Patton hums softly, obviously wanting to have gotten more of an answer, “I'm glad.”

Roman looks to Logan sheepishly, “I didn't say anything that offended you, did I? If I did, I apologize, I didn't mean to hurt you.”

Logan shakes their head, “You didn't offend me, though I appreciate you asking. You also didn’t hurt me, at least, not in any way I could possibly hold you accountable for. None of the things you were arguing about or said about me hurt me in any way. However, to avoid any potential future conflict, you should know, I want to start using they/them pronouns and be referred to with gender neutral language. For example, please call me Virgil’s partner as opposed to his boyfriend.”

Roman brightens, “Oh okay Logan. Thank you for telling me! I will do my very princely best to use your correct pronouns. But even I am not always perfect and I ask that you please correct me on your pronouns if I ever mess up or ask me to use a different term if one bothers you. My teasing isn’t intended to actually hurt, you know.”

Logan looks up from their food with a faint smile on their face, “Thank you, Roman. I will keep that in mind.”

“Same thing goes for me too, kiddo. I will do my best to switch as fast as possible and please correct me if I mess up and don't catch myself.”

Logan can't help the grateful smile that grows on their face, “I... really appreciate that, both of you.”

Patton shrugs, “It’s the respect you deserve Logan. We won't give you any less.”

Roman shoots a mischievous smile at Logan, “So, does that mean I am still allowed to brag about how Patton is definitely the better kisser out of you two?”

Logan looks Roman dead in the eyes, “I hope you know that if we were not sitting here eating dinner I would be over there proving you wrong.”

Roman sets his bite down, a smirk growing on his face, “Oh, really? Why don't you come over here and do it anyway, you disaster nerd?”

Logan looks at Virgil, raising an eyebrow, “You mind if I...?”

Virgil shakes his head, “No, go for it.”

“Patton?”

“Oh, I don't mind.”

With that Logan stands and walks round the table to where Roman is sitting. They proceed to straddle the man, sit in his lap, and kiss the, metaphorical, hell out of the prince. They don’t relent in the slightest until they pull a little whine from him. When they do they promptly pull away, stand and walk back over to their seat, bothering only to fix their tie and nothing else, face remarkably neutral about the whole thing.

“Did I make my point?”

Roman is so shocked and disheveled that he barely knows how to respond. He sits there gaping like a fish for a moment before nodding, “I suppose so.”

Logan lets the faintest bit of a smile grace their lips, “I will take that as a yes,” They decide.

Patton chuckles.

As Logan turns their attention back to their food, they notice Virgil eyeing them from his seat, “Yes V?”

“That was really hot.”

Logan chuckles and the dinner proceeds as normal while Logan rests in the newfound comfort of being seen and accepted.

Later that night Logan and Virgil are sitting up against the headboard of Logan’s bed researching. Virgil has his laptop resting on his knees with a list of different nonbinary genders and their definitions pulled up. They have gotten halfway through and at this point Logan is just... utterly done. They are so confused and tired of thinking about feelings, which, while typically difficult for them, has proved more frustrating, confusing, and infuriating than normal.

“This is so complicated! Why are feelings so difficult and hard to define? I have no clue how I feel, so how am I supposed to be able to identify it on this list of terms? How do people know themselves well enough to figure this out?!”

Virgil sighs and takes Logan’s hand, running his thumb gently over their knuckles, “Hey, it’s okay. You don't have to figure this out tonight. In fact, why don't we stop for now? You have lots and lots of time to think about all of this. You don't have to know right away, and that’s fine.”

They groan, “What if it takes five years and I still haven't figured this out?”

Virgil chuckles at Logan’s dramatics, “That would be fine. I mean I am sure it would be frustrating, but it would be okay. You don't have to settle on anything specific if you don't want to. You are allowed to just be you.”

Logan sits up suddenly, “Wait, I don't need to choose a specific label?” the thought hadn't even occurred to them, probably because of their intense desire to put everything into boxes, they hadn't realised the box could be so big.

“No, not at all. You don't even have to choose something that feels like it gets it completely right, you can just go with whatever feels closest. Or you could just go with nonbinary or genderqueer and call it a day. Labels are there for your comfort, for giving you language you can use to express yourself to others, they don't have to fit perfectly.”

Logan sighs, “That’s a helpful reminder Virgil thank you.” They pause, a question forming, “What was that term you mentioned... genderqueer I believe it was?”

Virgil nods and scrolls down the list a little until he finds it, “It is when one’s gender falls outside of the two binary genders. An older term, similar to nonbinary.”

Logan is quiet for a long time as they toss the word around in their head, “Hmm.. genderqueer... I kind of like that, at least for now.”

Virgil smiles, putting his laptop away “So, Logan is my genderqueer partner. They don't like puns, but I like the label because as they know, gender is rather queer.”

Logan rolls their eyes and groans at him, but smiles, “Thank you for using it in a sentence for me. I like genderqueer. It feels nice.”

“I’m glad.”

“And you still love me?

Virgil pulls Logan into his arms, “I love you all the way to Pluto and back Lolo.”

“I love you too.” they say, snuggling into Virgil’s chest and happily drifting off to sleep.

#hobbit writes #analogical #royality #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #nonbinary!logan sanders #genderqueer!logan #dysphoria tw #please enjoy this hurt comfort

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pathos-logical · 5 years

Text

One Picture, a Thousand Words

Roman is a wonder that cannot be put to words, Logan a marvel that ink cannot capture. They try anyway.

Hoo, this sure was a labor of love! Love because I love @bleepblopbloop56 with all my heart and labor because HOLY HECK WAS THIS HARD TO WRITE. But never mind any of that, because HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my friend!!! I absolutely adore you, and I hope your year is as fantastic as you are!!!

Trigger warnings: Food mention; a joking mention of hallucinations. I think that’s it, but please tell me if I need to add something!!

There are a thousand words Logan could use to describe Roman. He would pull a Shakespeare and invent a thousand more if it meant finding a word that could accurately chronicle the tapestry of Roman, all colorful patches and carefully stitched seams. But Logan is no artist, and his words seem an inadequate medium.

Beautiful, he thinks and immediately discards. That is too obvious, the truth of it plain to see. Lovely is- better. More intimate. But too soft, perhaps, for Roman’s flame-edged hair, the bronze of his skin and the steel in his spine.

He has tried countless words, none of them quite right. Larger-than-life. (And no, his charisma and magnetic smile absolutely did not excuse the way he didn’t seem to know how to shut up.) Captivating. (Roman did have a way with words, when he wasn’t being an idiot.) Extraordinary. (He was quite the artist and actor.) Brilliant. (Again, Roman was rather intelligent when it came down to it.) Perfect. (Technically impossible. But.)

All those words he longs to say, not one spoken aloud.

(Or- once. Alone in his room, he had tried the shape of mine on his mouth, thought about how it tasted on his lips and imagined the look in Roman’s eyes if he ever dared to say it in front of him. Once, and never again.)

Oh, he wishes. But Logan has always been better with words on the page than to other people.

Well, he thinks, looking down at the piece of paper in his hands, I suppose that’s what this is for. His eyes rove over the paper, skimming over phrases without really taking them in. If he reads it he’ll try to fix it, and at this point there’s too much of his heart in the words for him to change them.

He looks at the last paragraph. It’s the kind of declaration he sneers at in the romance novels Roman so adores, the kind of thing he would’ve sneered at barely years ago. But Roman always did have a way of making him question things he’d taken for postulates- himself included.

I tried, over the course of this letter, to pin down what exactly about you has drawn me so irrevocably into your orbit and left me floundering in unfamiliar space. However, as the length of this might indicate, I soon discovered that I could not.

You know me. It is very rare that I find myself lost for words. But I find myself unable to find the correct words to describe you, or even the correct words. Not because I have run out of things to say, or even because you have left me speechless, but because I could use a whole dictionary of love letters and fail to find the words that capture the way your eyes shine in the light when you laugh at your own jokes, and all the cliches in the world cannot express how I feel about every mundane, breathtaking thing about you.

But despite all that, I have three words for you, Roman, and I suppose there is no better day to deliver them than today (as of the day you receive this, at least).

I love you.

Roman has a sketchbook no one but him has ever seen.

The drawings are all in pencil, and Roman aches to paint them, to mix his colors until he finds shades that will truly bring them to life. But Logan is a peculiar kind of monochrome, with his navy hair and black polo shirts and countless blue ties, and Roman fears that no amount of paint could do that justice.

It’s undeniable that the warm brown of Logan’s eyes is a color he itches to find in a colored pencil, that the almond of his skin is one he longs to see redden at his touch. But those aren’t the things he really wants to capture when he puts pencil to paper anyway. No, when he draws Logan, his focus is on the subtle gleam that comes to his eyes when he speaks about something he’s passionate about, the curl of his lips when his emotionless facade breaks at some stupid comment Roman made.

Roman wishes he could show Logan the notebook, sometimes, the days when his longing overpowers his surety in the fact that it could never be reciprocated. He imagines coffee-colored eyes looking through the pages with delight, taking in the devotion clear in the meticulous lines. He pictures the hands he’s spent hours perfecting skimming over paper, taking care not to smudge the lead.

(He sees disgust settling in the curve of Logan’s lips and rejection showing in the set of his shoulders, and he pushes away the thought and hides his notebook under his pillow, pretends that he hasn’t memorized the shape of Logan’s smile.)

But he doesn’t think of any of that today. It’s Valentine’s Day, and Roman is dressed for it. He dons his armor that he definitely did not spend a whole two hours deliberating on and sets out the door armed with a kind of desperate false bravado, which is immediately undermined by how he jumps at his roommate Patton’s encouraging “go get ‘im, tiger!” shouted through the walls.

Still scowling at the door behind him, Roman briefly debates how desperate a text will make him sound before deciding, screw it.

Hey, we still on for lunch at Cream of the Cup?

The reply is prompt, as always, and Roman makes a futile attempt at smothering the smile he knows is blossoming across his lips.

>> Of course.

I’ll see you then!

Roman can so do this.

Virgil I can’t do this

>> why not?? youve been planning this for weeks, youll bbe fine

actually, knowing you, orobably months

Jfkdkfkfkfk

it’s

LOGAN

>> im aware, weve only veen best friends for years now

…

if yoy send a long rambling text ahout how wonderful logan is and how you dont deserve hkm im gonna lose it

roman i swear to god

HE’S JUST SO SMART AND AMAZING AND I’M JUST ME I DON’T DESERVE HIM AND WHAT IF I SCREW THINGS UP BETWEEN US FOREVER AND HE HATES ME OR WHAT IF IT’S AWKWARD I’M OKAY WITH JUST BEING FRIENDS REALLY HE PROBABLY DOESN’T EVEN LIKE ME THAT WAY ANYWAY I MEAN WHY WOULD HE

Whoops sorry

>> youre not

I’m not

But

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>> okay roman, listen up, because I’m only gonna say this once.

first of all, cut it with the self-deprecating crap. one, that’s my thing. and two, I WILL pull a patton and fight you.

stop doubting yourself, it doesn’t suit you

I might not have known you as long as I’ve known logan, but I know

I can see you typing. shut up.

maybe I haven’t known you as long as I’ve known Logan, but I do know you’re a good guy, and you /clearly/ love him

KSKFKFKKFKGD W H A T

>> yes, everyone knows, no, Logan does not, LET ME FINISH

it means a LOT to him that you actually read the articles he sends you about mars rovers at 3 am and that you don’t tell him he’s annoying for infodumping about alpha centauri or whatever star system he’s planning to go to and that you deal with his hypocrisy about sleep schedules and his general inability to do emotions

also, knowing him for years means I know his type, and trust me, you’re it

and even if by some miracle he doesn’t like you back, you guys are too close to ruin your friendship. okay? so however this ends, I promise you’ll still be friends

>> But

ROMAN

listen, you don’t tune him out when he starts babbling, and he does the same for you. he loves listening to your rants about art theory, he goes to every single one of your shows, and he started learning Spanish just to impress you. yes, he’s learned more phrases than just insults, he’s just been hiding it so he can surprise (aka impress) you later

and roman? he really really does value your friendship. you know that we’ve known each other since forever, so you know I mean it when I say that I’ve NEVER seen him get so close to someone this quickly.

and… you’ve been good for him too, okay? he’s not really the type to get lonely, but that’s just because he gets so tied up in his giant brain he forgets there are people in the outside world to talk to. but it really is important to him that you’re always there for him, and… I can tell you right now that he’s told me how much he appreciates you for it

after all that? I’d say he loves you too, dude. go for it.

you can talk now

Holy heck you DO love me

>> eh

Holy HECK

Wait

Did you turn on autocorrect just to yell at me???

>> Only for you, babe.

Please never do that again

yeaj that was oncredibly unconfortable

now GO GET YOUR MAN

Roman, for all his theatrics about love at first sight and true love’s kiss, hadn’t mentioned Valentine’s Day plans once in the weeks leading up to it. Then, exactly one week ago, he’d texted Logan with a simple request to meet up at a nearby cafe. Logan knew him too well to miss the possible connotations of such an invitation. But it was entirely possible that this was merely meant to be an outing between two friends. A platonic outing.

A platonic outing where there was barely room to stand, forget sit. Logan curses under his breath. He’d decided for once to not show up fifteen minutes early, as that would only give him more time to second-guess himself, especially as Roman was notorious for being chronically late. But he had failed to account for the obvious fact that, it being both a Saturday and Valentine’s Day, the usually quiet cafe is filled to the brim with couples ordering the heart-themed specials and kissing and generally clogging the air with sweet words and PDA. And no, Logan is not irrationally annoyed about this, he’s just worried he won’t be able to secure an empty table for him and Roman.

But just as the thought crosses his mind, he catches a familiar head of fiery hair at a table against the wall, bent over his phone and apparently completely absorbed by whatever he was looking at. An incredulous “Roman?” slips from his lips unbidden, because- well, Roman had once nearly been late to the first show he was the lead in. But there he was, reserving a table at exactly 12:30 with a croissant in front of him. Maybe today really was a day for miracles.

He watches with amusement as Roman jumps and looks up at the sound of his name. His face lights up as soon as he registers who it is, and Logan abruptly goes from amused to filled with some kind of fluttery warmth he doesn’t want to quantify.

“Logan!” Roman exclaims, hurriedly tucking his phone away. “Hey! How are you?” His smile beams out like the sun, but it dims upon Logan’s next words.

“Not well, unfortunately,” Logan informs him gravely. “I fear I have been having severe auditory and visual hallucinations. For example, I am currently experiencing one so vivid that I believe I am conversing with a friend in a cafe when I know that there is no chance of him being here yet.” Maybe Logan should feel bad about the way Roman’s expression morphs from worry to alarm to overblown outrage, but the challenging gleam in his eyes arrests him as surely as that of of Roman’s heart-shaped studs, and he can’t bring himself to regret it.

“Hey, I’m not always late!” he protests so loudly several patrons turn to look at him, perhaps expecting a scene.

Logan can’t help the smirk that creeps across his face as he slides into the seat opposite Roman, surreptitiously tucking a navy blue folder besides him. Thank goodness for Roman being typically Roman and reserving a booth that could seat six for a party of two. “Roman. Once Virgil and I deliberately told you to meet up an hour after we were actually supposed to meet so that when you inevitably showed up late, it would only be by five minutes rather than fifty. And the very idea that you could be on time for something went so flagrantly against the laws of the universe that the universe struck back by making your car break down, and you missed the meeting entirely.”

“Is that what happened?” Roman asks, looking so genuinely gobsmacked that Logan can’t help the snicker that escapes him. Roman’s expression flips to one of self-satisfaction, and Logan tries to ignore the little burst of fondness in his chest at the sight. Even if the rest of today goes horribly, at least he can savor this easy banter between them.

And banter they do, debating over whether Logan’s physics professor or Roman’s marketing professor is more inept before commiserating over the “perpetual hell week” that is college. They bounce from the disappointing latest installment of one of Roman’s favorite series to a terrible documentary on aliens Logan had found on a “science” channel (“It’s called a having a basic grasp of eighth-grade geometry, Roman- which, unlike this nine-thousand year old civilization, these morons have clearly never achieved!”) to every little thing in between, their food forgotten in front of them.

It’s nothing special, technically- they’ve been friends for years now, and they often have talks about everything and nothing. But today Logan can convince himself that an electric current is charging the air between them, flushing Roman’s cheeks and lighting up his eyes as Logan is drawn in, helpless against his magnetism.

There’s no decisive moment where Logan thinks, this is it. There’s just Roman, his laughter like bells in the breeze, and Logan, gazing at him like he’d put the stars in the sky.

“Roman,” he says. That’s it- Roman.

Roman is still giggling at his rendition of the student who’d spilled their coffee on the drama professor on the first day, but he sobers at whatever look is on Logan’s face. “Hey- you good, Lo?”

The nickname catches at something in Logan’s chest, pulls it open so the next words come just a little harder, just a little easier. “Roman,” he says again, looking down. “I do not wish to… ruin the mood, but I have something to confess.”

(He’s looking down, so he misses the way Roman jumps at the last word.)

But when he meets Roman’s eyes, open and curious, Logan’s confidence abandons him. He exhales slowly in an attempt to regain some of the feeling from before, like the memory of Roman’s voice will fortify his. But all that comes out is: “I wrote- would you-”

Logan’s throat fails him entirely, something a little like dread and a little like hope clogging it up. Without another word, he slides the folder he had kept tucked at his side to Roman. When Roman raises a curious eyebrow, Logan simply smiles- a quick, brittle thing- and motions for him to open it.

Earlier, the noise in the cafe had distracted Logan, had made him frown when it rose over Roman’s voice. But suddenly it all fades into the background, the chatter of voices and clatter of spoons receding in favor of the thwip of the folder opening, the little breath Roman takes when he reads the first two words.

Dimly, Logan thinks he must have used up all his words in the letter. His fingers lay still at his sides, mind is utterly blank as he watches Roman read it. But his heart is pounding loud enough that for an absurd second, he’s sure Roman can hear it in the sudden quiet.

Logan waits for a minute, maybe five. He thinks he’d wait for Roman forever if he asked. But Roman doesn’t make him wait that long, because when he looks up his eyes are wet with tears, and when Logan uselessly opens his mouth- to do what? His voice certainly hasn’t returned- Roman lurches forward, clumsy in a way Logan has never known him, and seals their lips with a kiss.

And when they finally draw apart, Logan thinks he’s regained his words (or maybe just these three), because they force themselves out of his lips like they’ve been waiting to do so since Logan said Roman’s name. And Roman, his face a study in the kind of shock and delight that can only come from a thought-to-be-hopeless dream coming true, returns them.

#logince #roman sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #patton sanders #my writing #a whole dictionary of love letters

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maple-keenes · 5 years

Text

the second disaster: playing dumb gets you nowhere* *with exceptions

the first disaster | the second disaster | the third disaster | the fourth disaster | the fifth disaster

summary: on a visit to the local museum, virgil meets and attractive tour guide and manages to convince him (somehow) that he doesn’t believe that egypt is a real place.

it gets better.

warnings: cursing, remus, deceit

pairings: analogical and brief demus/dukeceit/the ship with no name

wc: 1587

a/n: you don’t need to have read the other fics in the series to read this one, but i’d recommend it because i spent a lot of time on them

um, there’s a mention that patton says he doesn’t know who virgil is, which if you’re following the canon of this series wouldn’t make any sense, so let’s just assume logan described him so badly that patton didn’t recognize him.

taglist: @analogical-chaos @ilovemygaydad @alltimevirgilant @virgiliananxiety @romanticsanders @theincediblesulk @wroammin @creativity-killed-thekitten @bitchyybabyy400 @wooflesthatwoof @lyditist @heck-im-lost @max-is-tired @demurphart @thelowlysatsuma @land-of-dragons-and-frogs @theeternalspace @magicallygrimmwiccan @weirdsthenewnormal @romansleftshoulderpad @andrewisabraveboy @satanblessi @supbitchss @diamondrush862

"Why did I have to come with you?" Virgil moaned as Roman dragged him towards the local museum. "I don't need the research!"

“Museums can be cool! Come on, I just need someone here to make snarky comments about the birds in the wildlife wing,” he pleaded.

Virgil rolled his eyes and relented. “God, I hate you.”

“Love you too!”

Roman dragged him all the way to the wildlife exhibit he was supposed to be studying, and several families were confused by the angry emo 24-year-old being pulled by the arm by a bubbly 25-year-old theater kid to a random exhibit in the museum.

Virgil and Roman had been close friends since high school, where they met through the misadventures of a mutual friend, Patton, and Roman’s brother Remus. The four had drifted apart over the years, but the two of them had gone to the same college and now, three years later, Virgil was still stuck going to this stupid museum with Roman.

As Roman diligently took notes on the exhibit he was supposed to be researching, Virgil wandered aimlessly around the Egyptian exhibit and looked at all the… old stuff. (He was never really one for history. Too many white people pillaging and colonizing and not enough sword-fighting.)

He leaned over to look into one of the glass cases, and the attendant walked over with a smile on his face. “Interested in these artifacts?”

“Oh… they’re cool. I was just looking around, really.”

The attendant nodded, still giving him that tight-lipped why-are-you-here smile. “Okay. These are scarab beetles. They were very common in ancient Egypt, and they were worshipped back then. They were sacred animals in Egypt.”

Virgil glanced at the attendant, who seemed to be about 26 or so, and noticed that he was… was it appropriate to say that he was smoking hot? He had tattoos up and down both arms, and glasses that framed his face perfectly, and Virgil’s bisexual ass was crying for this man to keep talking to him.

“Yeah,” Virgil said, running a finger along the edge of the case, “I used to think that wasn’t a real thing until I came here.”

His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, before blurting out, "You didn't think Egypt was a real place?"

Virgil, who was now slightly mortified, did nothing but nod. Oh, god, this hot guy thinks I'm an idiot, he thought, still smiling at the tour guide. “I -”

“My stars, we get some idiots here…” he mumbled, and Virgil started, a bit offended.

“So what if I don’t think Egypt is real?” he asked, affronted. “What are you going to do about it?”

The attendant blinked once, twice, apparently at a loss for words. “I…”

“You know what, I’m going to go now, and you can mull over that,” Virgil said and then stalked out of the exhibit, head held high with the tour guide still tripping over his words behind him.

He strolled through the museum for a little bit longer before catching up with Roman, who was still diligently taking notes on the exhibit he was supposed to. He glanced up when Virgil approached him and shut his notebook.

“Where were you?” Roman challenged, frustrated. “You just wandered off.”

Virgil stuck his tongue out at him. “Sorry, dad. I was just in the Egypt exhibit; I accidentally convinced a guide that I didn’t believe in it, too.”

“You did what now?”

He rolled his eyes, as if this was a normal thing that Roman should have been able to comprehend. “I convinced the guide - who was ridiculously attractive, by the way - that I didn’t believe that Egypt was a real place.”

Roman stared at him, openmouthed. “You - oh jesus, you’ve got a crush on this guy, don’t you?”

“How’d you know it was a guy?” Virgil said, raising an eyebrow.

“Because I know these kinds of things, Virgil. You treat girls with so much more reverence than you do guys, so this crush is a guy.”

He pouted. “I don’t have a crush on him. I just liked messing with him.”

Roman folded his arms across his chest. “Describe him.”

“What?”

“Describe him,” he repeated. “Do it.”

Virgil stared at his best friend and then sighed. “He had like, really soft brown hair that looked really nice, and round glasses, and green eyes that were almost blue, and his face looked really intelligent but sweet at the same time, and - why are you /laughing?”

“You’re so gay for him! Oh my god!” Roman doubled over with laughter. “That’s so cute, it’s baby’s first crush.”

“They will never find your body.”

He glared at Virgil. “You’re awful, I hope you know that. Come on, let’s go back to the Egyptian exhibit! We can still find him!”

“No, we can’t, and it’s not worth it.” Virgil shrugged. “You done?”

“I can’t believe you’re just giving up on true love like that!” Roman cried, exasperated. Several families shushed him, very annoyed. He frowned and turned back to Virgil, who was giggling silently.

Virgil, finally recovering from his fit of giggles, said, “I’m not giving up on true love. It’s a crush, if that.”

“Ugh, you’re the worst,” he replied, sticking his notebook in his back pocket. “Let’s go, then.”

Roman, who was a wise man (sometimes) knew that there was essentially no convincing Virgil now that he’d made up his mind, so they went home.

It was the next day when the guide, who’s name was Logan, and who was 26 years old, was with his friend DC, who was quite frustrated with Logan.

“So you’re in love with him -”

“Felt that he was attractive,” he corrected.

“And you just let him leave!” DC threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. “Logan, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you!”

“I don’t know what you want me to do!” Logan exclaimed, pacing the room. “I just thought he was attractive and I wanted to get to know him a bit better, but he left, so, oh well.”

DC sighed loudly and glared at him. “I hate you. I hate you so much. Okay, I’m calling Patton and seeing if he knows anyone who fits that description because I’m /sick of your /bitching and I want you to see this guy again.”

He rang up Patton, who said, “No, I’ve never heard of anyone like that. Do you mind if I try my friend Remus?”

Remus, by some strange stroke of luck, was the brother of the man who had gone to the museum with Logan’s crush, and he directed DC to his brother, Roman, who was the best friend of the man, who’s name was Virgil.

“Virgil,” Logan said, savoring the way it rolled off his tongue. “Isn’t that such an elegant name, DC?”

DC flipped him off as he scribbled down Virgil’s number from Roman. “Yeah, thanks, Roman. And tell your brother I said he sounds sexy.” A pause. “No? You won’t? Okay.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “You’re awful.”

“I just got you the number of the man of your dreams,” he replied, handing it to Logan, who nodded in thanks. “But, yes, I am incorrigible. However, he did sound really sexy.”

“I’m texting him, I can’t hear you.”

Me 8:34 PM

Hello! I am Logan. I was the tour guide at the museum the day you told me you didn’t believe in Egypt, and I was hoping we could meet for coffee and I could tell you all about Egypt… and myself, if you’re interested?

And the rest was history.

I mean, that’s not the end of the fic, I’ve still got to get us to the next disaster by the end of this one, but like, it’s written history. Recorded history.

You get it.

It was only five months later that Logan was nervously tapping his foot against the ground in the Egyptian exhibit, which was closed down for a special event.

Logan had started working in the archaeology department at the museum, so he still worked there, and therefore was able to shut down the exhibit for a ‘special event’.

Y’all aren’t dumb. You know he’s proposing.

It had only been five months, sure, but ever since the first date Logan had known that this grumpy young man was his absolute soulmate. They complemented each other’s personalities perfectly, they were best friends, and their friend groups were now melded, meaning that the six of them were all quite close. And so Logan had Roman, Remus, Patton and DC’s blessing to propose to his emo boyfriend, and that is where we join him.

Virgil poked his head into the exhibit, eyes widening when he saw his boyfriend down on one knee with a box in his hand. “Holy shit -”

“Virgil, you are -”

“Yes!”

Logan sighed. “Can I finish?”

“No, shut up! I’m saying yes, save the sappy crap for the wedding!” Virgil beamed and ran over to Logan, wrapping him in a tight hug. “I love you so much.”

He smiled and hugged Virgil back. “I love you too.”

So they were married two months later, in a lovely park with friends and family and Remus’s dog, who was the most important member of the wedding party.

It was two years later that they adopted their son, Remy. He was only a month old when they brought him home, but he was the final addition to their family, and Logan and Virgil were happy.

Even without the existence of Egypt.

#ts logan #ts virgil #logan sanders #virgil sanders #analogical #ts deceit #deceit sanders #sympathetic remus #sympathetic deceit #remus tw #deceit tw #cursing tw #disaster au

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stormcrawler75 · 5 years

Note

“Are you ready to meet your son/daughter?” with royality fathers, Virgil as the kid please?

“Roman,” Patton said gently, “come sit down. Your pacing isn’t going to make time move faster.”

Roman gave him a worried look, still pacing up and down the hospital halls. “I don’t see how you’re not more worried about this. Pat, we’re becoming fathers.”

Patton smiled sympathetically. “I know we are. And, yes, I am worried. But aren’t you excited?” His smile grew and then he was bouncing excitedly in his seat. “We’re getting a kid! A little baby!”

Roman finally stopped and chuckled. He nodded in agreement and ran his fingers through his hair nervously. “Yes, we are.” Roman sighed and walked over to his husband, flopping down in the seat next to him. He took one of Patton’s hand in both of his and squeezed it. He looked at Patton, more vulnerable in that moment than Patton had ever seen him. “What if we screw them up?” He asked in a whisper.

Patton cupped Roman’s cheek with his free hand. “That baby,” he whispered back, “is going to be so loved. Yes, we’re going to make mistakes. But as long as we make sure that they know they’re loved and can come to us about anything, then everything is going to be okay.”

Roman leaned into his hand and smiled at him wetly. “I love you.” He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Patton’s. “And, I’m a little scared about just how much I already love our new little royal.”

Patton giggled and nodded. “I feel the same,” he said softly but quickly like it was a big secret. “I love them so much already and we haven’t even met them yet!”

“I believe that it’s time to change that.”

They looked up to see their Social Worker, a man by the name of Logan Picani, standing in front of them. He was holding a little bundle of blue blankets in his arms. Roman gasped and the two immediately untangled themselves from each other to stand up. Patton slowly approached Logan, Roman a step behind him.

Logan was gently swaying from side to side, smiling down at the small baby. “The full time he was required to stay here has passed,” he informed the new parents. “You are now allowed to take him now. Are you ready to meet your son?”

Patton nodded frantically, clasping his hands to his chest. Roman breathed out a soft, “Yes.” Logan chuckled and held out the bundle of joy in his arms just far enough so they could see their new child.

Roman leaned over and gasped softly. Inside the bundle of the blankets, there was a little baby. He had a little tuff of black hair and his eyes were cracked open, looking around the room with so much wonder. He was beautiful.

Patton’s breath hitched and said, voice shaking, “Hey, baby. Hey, baby Virgil.” He looked up at Logan and held out his arms, trying to get the words out but seemingly unable to. Luckily, Logan understood and carefully passed Virgil over to his new father. Patton adjusted him in his arms and rocked him back and forth, cooing down at the newborn.

Virgil’s little hand slipped out of the swaddle of blankets and Roman gently traced it with his finger. He was lost for words. He had thought that he wouldn’t be able to love his son more than he already did but now, seeing Virgil for the first time, he couldn’t describe the amount of love he felt. It was undescribably.

And yet, it somehow increased when Virgil little hand wrapped around his finger.

Tears leaked out of Roman’s eyes and he said wetly, “Such a strong grip. Such a fearsome Prince already.” He smiled and looked over at Logan, who was watching the moment with a rare and soft smile on his face. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” Logan replied, adjusting his tie. “I am simply glad to see Virgil enter a good family. Will you be taking your son home now?”

Roman looked down and met Virgil’s eyes. He nodded, his heart swelling at Virgil being referred to as his son. He glanced over at Patton and the two smiled at each other, both with love-struck smiles on their face. “Yes. Yes, we are.”

Taglist Undercut

SS Taglist

@punsterterry

@iris-sanders-athena

@heck-im-lost

@sanders-trash-4ever

@tiredfluid

@sevenatee

@i-really-dig-the-purple

@detroit-become-pan

@trust-me-i-just-get-weirder

@radioactivehelena

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@eli-galaxy

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@thepotatoking1010

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@smolautumnchild

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@cookiethedevil

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@figurative-falsehood

@crookedlyoptimisticdestiny

@ao-koshka

@onenightjoanly

@alsoyouremischievous

@figurative-falsehood

@mrtacothethird

@analogical-mess

@combine-the-kitchens

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@fandoms-winkitywonk

@therubyjailcell

@idont-know-what-im-doing

@angels-and-dreams

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@felicianoromano

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@georganabanana

@kaileah-kat

@omg-rainbowgalxy-things

@chemically-imbalanced-romance

@just-another-rainbowblog

@asymmetricalgarbage8888

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things-we-used-tc-share · 5 years

Note

Would the 67 (“I’m right where I belong.”) with Analogince be something I could ask for? It's okay if it's no though

Warnings: Minor angst/ relationship troubles, panic attacks.

Ship: Analogince

Plot: They’ve all had their doubts before, but they hadn’t expected it to be Logan they find having a panic attack in his bedroom.

Virgil can feel something in the air today, something different, heavy. He briefly ran through his mind a list of things that could be wrong, even checking in with Thomas to see if the host was okay. He was, okay that is, but he seemed a little out of it, a little...different. The next person he checked in with was Patton who, although a little tired, was happily baking cookies in the kitchen.

So why did something feel wrong?

He knocks on Roman’s door to find the princely figure working his magic, light swirls of red and gold floating from his fingertips as he worked on another project of his. He turns to the smaller man with a wide grin “Morning Virgil,” the swirls stop as he crosses the room to kiss his boyfriends gently on the lips and then his forehead “What can I do for you today?”

“Something feels wrong,” he admits sheepishly “Not drastically, just wrong, I spoke to Thomas and he seems a little out of it but otherwise fine, Patton seems a little tired but again otherwise fine, so I came to see you, but you also seem fine,”

“Which means... either it’s you or Logan?” Roman finishes with raised eyebrows and Virgil nods.

“But I don’t feel any different than usual, anxious but that’s nothing new,” The youngest side sits on Roman’s bed looking a little defeated “But Logan’s never not okay, he’s always okay and the thought of him not okay terrifies me but if there’s something wrong then...”

“We need to go to him and help him,” Roman leans down and presses a kiss to Virgil’s forehead “Come on, darling, let’s go see if our boyfriend is okay,” Virgil gives a small smile and allows the creative side to take his hand and lead him out of the door towards Logan’s room.

Both of them generally love Logan’s room, for Patton it can sometimes feel suffocating but to Roman and Virgil it was the most serene place they’ve ever been in. The dark blue door stood between them and the room on the other side, despite belonging to the side notorious for his lack of living, is so alive.

The walls are dark blue and the ceiling a living galaxy as it filled the room with it’s dull glow. The walls held mimics of little stars that moved with the real night’s sky, gentle and dark clouds swirling amongst them. Logan’s room felt like you were stepping into another realm sometimes, Roman had described it as “magic of his own kind,” realistic magic, that’s Logan’s forte.

But now, knowing something must be wrong, staring at this door felt like walking into something darker, like there’s a monster on the other side. Despite being with the other man for almost a year now, neither of them had ever seen Logan in true distress, upset, crying, it was a worry to think they might have to come across this.

Roman pushes open the bedroom door and his face crosses into panic, eyebrows raised as a gentle gasp ran through him and he surged forward. Virgil peaks over his shoulder and moves just as fast.

“Logan, breathe,” The logical side was clutching at his chest, breath stuttering as he reached for some air, the veins in the side of his face were straining and his eyes screwed shut, tears streaming down his face. Roman sits beside him, helping him sit up straight whilst Virgil sat in front. “Logan you need to breathe with me okay? I’m going to take your hand and then I need you to look at me, okay?” Logan nods and looks up at his boyfriend.

There’s so much fear in his eyes. Virgil almost forgets how to breathe himself as Logan’s panic reaches for his own, but he pushes that to the side, right now his boyfriend needs him. Virgil begins to count, inhaling and exhaling in a pattern alongside it and Logan, recognising the rhythm, copies.

Roman breathes deeply beside Logan, matching his own breathing to help the others. The logical side leans into the touch, and once he has his breathing under control, almost completely collapses against Roman in exhaustion. The other two sit on either side of him, letting him adjust for a moment before Virgil asks quietly “Can you hear us L?” Logan looks over at him tiredly before nodding, eyes ringed red from tears. “Do you know what brought this on?” There’s a hesitation before he again, nods.

“Would you be able to tell us darling?” Roman asks quietly and Logan sighs, sniffling as he wipes his eyes and leans up off of his boyfriend. He leans his head back against the bed frame as he cleans his glasses from the tears and fog, sliding them back up his nose, trying to find the words.

“Do you ever wonder if you belong with me?” He asks quietly “If I’m the right choice I mean...I’m hardly an expert in romance or love or relationships and I can’t help but wonder if I really make you happy,” Virgil’s expression turns to understanding, whilst Roman’s to confusion.

He’d often wondered if he was right for Logan, given their history of backwards and forwards arguing, Roman had often wondered if he was good enough for anyone at all. He had been described on more than one occasion as ‘arrogant’ and ‘loud,’ He had somehow not thought that Logan would experience the same issues, he always seemed so sure of himself, always.

Virgil, however, presses a gentle kiss the back of Logan’s hand “I’m right where I belong Logan, here, with you two,” Roman hums in agreement.

“Virgil’s right, I’m not exactly known for putting up with people for the sake of it, I’m here because I belong with you, and with Virgil, like missing puzzle pieces, without each other we’d be incomplete,”

Logan gives a small, tired smile and nods. “I really need to sleep,” He says quietly, moving to stand up with an unstable sway. The two immediately dart up to steady him.

“Say no more, my prince,” Roman waves a hand, the covers to the bed roll back and Logan flops onto hit, shuffling up to make room for the other two as they slide beside him. Roman clicks his fingers and the covers float snugly on top of them. It takes less time than usual for Logan to fall asleep, with Virgil’s arm around his waist and Roman’s fingertips intertwined with his own.

They’ll talk more about it later, for sure, but for now they all need their rest.

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten//@theresneverenoughfandoms//@charmingprincey//@aclickonapostwillchangeyourlife//@heck-im-lost //@k9cat//@stilljittery//@romansleftshoulderpad//@sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired//@therealmoshar//@punsterterry//@trashypansexual//@miserykillme//@demigodnamedathena//@sevencrashing//@misunderstood-shadow//@aphriteblack//@jemthebookworm//@sandersandthesides//@penguinkool// @georganabanana//@importantrunawaystudentstuff // @ao-koshka

#sanders sides #analogince #therubyjailcell

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the-sanders-sides · 5 years

Text

inidan american (desi) logan

a sequel to this post because people asked for more and i decided that they shall receive (and also i love writing these)

fair warning, logans a bitter kid, and this isnt as positive and happy as romans post. ive experienced two different ways of being desi, one where i lived in fully asian and indian community and didnt even think id ever feel alone, and another where i moved to a place where i havent met another desi in like 7 years of living here in a 3 hour driving radius. in romans post i played into my first experience and how at home i felt. in the second experience, the one im in right now, i am much more bitter about who i am and not really knowing anyone who gets it anymore. so i play into that A LOT in this. so keep that in mind. (and he will get happier in a future part. m planning on making this into a series)

ok so first off. his name is logan sanders. people (mostly other indians) dont believe him when he tells them. he tells them they dont know indian history. they say they do. he tells them that the british fucked around (quite literally) in india for four centuries so of course english names would stick with that precise wording

sometimes when he’s annoyed enough and doesnt want to explain this for the millionth he defends himself with this russel peters skit (watch it, it’s hilarious) because it describes his family. to a T.

he grew up in a community with not very many asians, and knew no indians outside his family so he felt a sort of disconnect to his culture

while his grandparents and parents would teach him about indian culture, he felt so distant from it since he knew no one outside his family who was indian, and since he didnt have any siblings or any nearby cousins to hang around with

he had visited india once but he was too young to remember it properly or too remember his cousins

the closest mandir was an hour away so that also limited the amount of indian kids/people he knew

he barely knew hindi because everyone in his family spoke english, especially in public

he felt guilty over the disconnect he felt and would always try to bridge it but would never accomplish this because it he kept losing passion since he rarely saw other people like him in the real world and in the media and he didnt see the point of trying

this all changed in eight grade when he moved next door to the Kumar family in a north indian street of some south asian blocks in an asian community

when his family first moved, the Kumar family invited the Sanders over to welcome them

it turns out the Kumar’s had a son who was the same age as logan

“hi logan! im rohan kumar! but i like going by roman instead of rohan!”

this introduction pissed logan off

he was seething because why would this kid who got to have an indian first AND last name change his name to an english one! why didnt he see the value of his name!

he knew right away that such a difference meant they could never be friends

“im logan sanders, but thats all youll get to know about me because i see no use associating myself with someone as... well, ignorant, as you”

roman decides to whip out one of the swears his cousins taught him and whisper shouts “who are you calling ignorant, bhenchod?”

it became clear to him that this was new turf, and people on this new turf must be speaking hindi. and that he was the ignorant one if he couldnt talk in hindi. he made a vow to learn it as fast as he could to make sure this roman kid wasnt better than him

but, logan grits his teeth and says “you, and i know it must be true because you were too dumb to understand me the first time”

this evidently struck a sore spot in roman because he didnt fight back but just stalked away. logan smiled slightly, happy to have won that argument

logan asks his grandpa to teach him hindi and his grandpa gets super excited

they start lessons immediately and despite barely hearing it growing up, it’s as if his brain was made for this because he picks the language up amazingly fast and in a months time, while not able to speak back yet, he can understand most casual conversation

his first diwali in basically little india is the most magical thing ever

diwali at his old home was very quiet because there wasnt anyone around to celebrate with

everyone is so happy in this new home however. everyone is dressed up and all the houses are lit up and there are diyas everywhere and he doesnt want to admit it but the kumar’s have the best rangoli on the street and it’s because of roman and he knows roman did it because sometimes he’d stare out of his bedroom window while doing homework and have a perfect view of roman delicately working on it for two weeks

(the kumar’s front porch had been covered with tarp waiting for diwali to make sure romans precious rangoli wasnt stepped on or ruined. when it’s finally let up, everywhere where there could be art, there is. it’s insane how good at colors roman is, logan thinks)

diwali morning:

he fights his parents because he doesnt want to miss school for diwali because americans dont have a day off for it. his parents set the clocks in the house ahead to make him think he overslept so he would skip school. (logan didnt know that his parents had submitted an excused absence form for religious reasons and that the school was very understanding. he thought it would be like his old school where he wouldnteven bother trying since he wasnt christain and the school was lkinda discriminatory)

they spend the morning in mandir and it’s nice. for once he doesnt feel different from his peers because he goes to mandir and not church or synagogue. he feels at home.

diwali afternoon:

the afternoon is spent with frantic cleaning and cooking and digging around for the diya’s that were still in boxes, packed away from when they moved

logan offered to find them all to continue with a diya science experiment he started two years prior. his theory was that the diya’s were multiplying and there were more each year despite no one buying anymore

this held true, because even though he could only find half of their diya collection, it was somehow more than the entire diya collection of two years prior.

diwali evening:

theres a big potluck and everyone in the neighborhood is out talking to each other, looking at the decorations at everyones houses, eating samosas, and playing with sparklers.

logan feels content

he makes a new resolve to learn more about hinduism. if this is what ti was supposed to be, then he never wanted to be away from hinduism.

he looked at the metaphors and symbolism in everything and finally understood what his dad meant he told logan that hinduism is just science written in poetry and that string theory is written in the ancient texts

middle school in this new town is so much better than middle school in his old home. why?

a. doesnt get bullied for being a nerd

b. doesnt get called gay slurs

c. the classes are harder

d. much less racism

e. all of the above

soon enough, logans asking his grandpa to teach him how to cook Indian food

Logan spends the day burning dosas and making lopsided rotis

(eventually he gets the hang of it, and a he'll be cooking food for an infuriating Indian boy ;) ;) psst it's roman)

Speaking of boys

Coming out isn't an option for logan

He knows that his parents arent really religious enough to really look into hinduism and see that no, gays are not bad

But they are traditional and conservative enough to be homophobic

not homophobic as in spewing hate with the westboro baptist church at a pride parade

But homophobic as in "the gays are fine as long as they don't do it in front of me" kinda thing

So Logan stays quiet

the closet kinda sucks but i mean what can he do

it’s safer inside, and he as illogical as wishing is, he wishes that people would use their brains and realize there’s nothing wrong with gay

anyway

in school logan makes his first desi friend, who was dubbed as anxiety years ago and cant seem to get rid of the nickname and now has a whole complex about his name so logan doesnt know his name

logan and anxiety meet in the school library: logan studying and anxiety hiding

people dont like anxiety

especially non-indian kids

surprise surprise it’s an old buddy called racism, but anxiety’s story is for another time

(but even though no one really likes anxiety, whenever racist shit goes down, it has to go through roman)

so logan and anxiety become fast friends

and they make fun of roman (a+ bonding)

logan claims that roman is a hypocrite for changing his name to an english one while being so immersed in indian culture

anxiety doesnt dispute this, but says he has a past with roman

a past that involved getting stuck with the name anxiety

again, another story for another time

one day, when logan and anxiety are eating lunch they see roman destroy some homophobes who throw around the word f*g and keep calling caitlyn jenner, bruce jenner

logans chest surges

he’s all like “what?? emotions?? pride at roman?? is he better than me for being so open and standing up for what he believes in??”

gay panic basically

but logan masked it well and pushed it away

the next day roman comes to school with a pride patch on his jean jacket

logan feels like he cant breathe

logan is supremely jealous of roman.

he can be gay in peace

he can pretend not to be indian in a way that benefits him

and he’s not affected by stereotypes in the same way?? like what does this kid not have

and by stereotypes i mean

roman is the complete opposite of all indian and desi stereotypes: loud, flamboyant, theatrical

logan’s personality is exactly how the stereotypes are. he’s nerdy and likes science and math and it seems like he cant escape the stereotypes. they follow him. and he feels guilty that he likes science and math and is nerdy.

as illogical as it is, he wishes he was different from how he is

but logan later learns that there are more than just his perspective on being desi and that every desi kid growing up faces challenges about it that are different than his, causing them to experience being desi differently

and logan will accept that, in another story at another time

for now, he’s just bitter. and as illogical as it is, he wishes the world was better

and now, i shall tag some people who asked to be tagged and some other desi’s who loved this because i feel like you guys might appreciate this too. also i love u. desi famders squad up.

@sssixeyedrunt @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @caterpiller-tea @xxxbladeangelxxx @snufflesthegrim227 @cloudchaser7 @thelowlysatsuma

#logan sanders #logince #virgil sanders #roman sanders #desi #desi headcanons #sanders sides #mine #please love this #r #l #v

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timeoutforthee · 5 years

Text

Like It or Not-Chapter 20

Taglist: @itsausernamenotafobsong, @sea-blue-child, @iaminmultiplefandoms, @princeanxious, @uwillbeefoundtonight, @zaidiashipper, @arandompasserby, @levyredfox3, @falsett0, @error-i-dunno-what-went-wrong, @scrapbookofsketches, @podcastsandcoffee, @helloisthisusernametaken, @amuthefunperson, @michealawithana, @yamihatarou, @heck-im-lost, @unlikelynightmareconnoisseur, @idkaurl, @bubblycricket, @fnp-alizay, @neonbluetiefling, @comicsimpson, @a-little-bit-of-ace

Summary: Logan, Patton, Roman, and Virgil are all struggling in their recovery. Their doctors, Thomas Sanders and Emile Picani think they can help each other out.

Aka Group Therapy AU

Trigger Warnings: purging (skip from "why did he bother?" to "are you okay?"), reference to child abuse

Read it on AO3!

“How’d your session go?” Violet asks. She always asks, as soon as Virgil shuts the door to the car, before he can put on his headphones. He never answers with anything besides-

“Fine,” he says, immediately pulling out his iPod. Then he pauses.

Violet glances over at him as they pull out of the parking lot.

“I mean…,” Virgil wants to put it off. A part of him wants to think that if he puts it off enough, he might just forget. But he knows better.

Like a band-aid, he tells himself, Just rip it off.

“It went better than the last session,” Virgil admits.

“Really?” Violet asks, trying to keep her tone steady, “What happened last session?”

A part of her tells her not to press, that it’s going to end in a growl and silence, but instead Virgil sighs.

“I told Dr. Picani about Dad.”

“Really?” she still keeps her tone steady, though she’s having a much more difficult time now.

“Not everything,” Virgil says quickly, “But you know...I told him that Dad used to hit me.”

Violet thinks back. She doesn’t think Virgil has said those words out loud to anyone, ever. Not even her, even though she obviously knew.

“I haven’t told anyone else, not even the guys in group, maybe I will eventually, but I-” Virgil cuts himself off, shoving his iPod back in his pocket. If he was going to do this, he had to commit.

“I still don’t like to tell people,” he admits, “Like it was the secret I had to protect, to take to the grave, and now there’s no point.” And it’s my fault.

Violet’s heart twists at how loyal Virgil still is to his dad. She knows how hard it is to walk away, to stay away, to realize they let you down, and in such a cruel way. A part of her brain latches on to “to take to the grave,” and she wonders if Virgil was planning on that being soon.

“It’s amazing you felt comfortable enough to tell him,” she says, tucking all that away for now.

“I wouldn’t call it amazing-”

“I would,” Violet says, immediately, offering no room for argument.

“So, you said this session was easier, what did you talk about this time?”

“Goals, mostly,” he says, “And Roman was talking about his brother, about how he was trying...and it kinda made me think about you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah...look,” Virgil tugs a hand through his hair. “I know you’re trying. A lot harder than should be expected of you, and I...I really appreciate it. Even though I don’t show it. It’s just...hard for me. It’s hard and I don’t know why.”

“I appreciate you saying that,” Violet says, “But the thing I want you to understand is I want to try this hard, whether it “should be” expected or not, you’ve been through a lot-”

“It wasn’t that bad-”

“You’ve been through a lot,” she repeats, using her “I’m not fucking around” voice, “And...I could’ve made it easier all those years ago, and I didn’t,” she swallows, still attempting to keep her voice even. The last thing Virgil needs is for her to start crying on him, “And I can’t go back and fix that. The best thing I can do now is be here for you, when you’re ready.”

They pull into the apartment complex and she glances over at Virgil. He finally tears his eyes away from the front window and looks back at her. They sit there a second, and Virgil smiles at her.

“Thanks,” he says, simply, and with that, they head upstairs.

He should have said no, he should have said no, what the fuck was he thinking-

“Roman, are you okay?” Max asks, as he climbs into the driver’s seat.

“Fine,” his voice shakes.

Max thought it would be a good idea to go out for dinner, since everyone at home had probably already eaten. Roman was also pretty sure this was his form of an apology for their previous conversation, so how could he say no? He thought he could handle it, he had handled the pizza before. He’d probably find something on the menu that was at least a bit healthy.

But when the food came there was just so much of it. He felt like everyone was staring at him. He should have saved some, but he was just so hungry. He could feel everyone’s eyes staring at him while he ate, he must have looked like an animal.

“Are you sure?” Max asks, “You barely ate anything during dinner.”

….what?

“I just...don’t feel so great,” Roman says. It’s not a complete lie. His goal for the week flashes in his head, but he can’t do that. Not yet.

“Okay, well,” Max says, pulling out of the parking lot. “We’re only about fifteen minutes from home.”

Thankfully, those fifteen minutes pass quickly, and when they get home, Roman bolts up the stairs to the bathroom.

He’s sweating. He can still taste it on his tongue, and it fills him with regret. Why did he bother?

A thought comes to him. He has to get rid of it. He has to.

Before he can think about it too much, he turns to the toilet and shoves his finger back his throat. The response is almost immediate.

Better is not the word Roman would use to describe how he’s feeling. Gross is probably more accurate, but to be fair, he felt gross before, too. So, this scenario was definitely better.

“Ro?”

Oh, shit.

“Are you okay?” Max calls, because of course it’s fucking Max. “I thought I heard you throwing up.”

Roman flushes to give himself time to think. Then he washes his hands to stall even longer. Then he pauses for just a little longer, hoping he can maybe wait him out. But, nope, when he opens the door, Max is still standing there.

“Are you okay?” he repeats, his hand going to Roman’s forehead. Roman shoves his hand away.

“Who are you? Mom? I’m fine,” Roman says, trying to brush it off quickly. “I guess the food just wasn’t that great.”

“...oh,” Max says, as if he’s disappointed, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Roman says, trying to reassure him. “It happens.”

“You’re right, it just sucks,” Max says, turning back down the hall. He’s about to disappear down the stairs when he pauses and turns around, “But you’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” Roman says, smiling.

Here’s the thing: Patton loves everybody. And he doesn’t get hung up on shallow things, like appearances. He loves everybody, and he loves everybody’s body. Whether they were thin or fat, or tall or short, covered in freckles or clear-skinned, he thought everyone was beautiful.

Everyone, that is, except for himself.

When it came to himself, he hated everything.

“Patton?” Thomas asks. Patton snaps his head up and immediately smiles. “I asked what you like about yourself. What are some things you can think about for your affirmations?”

“I don’t know, doc, don’t you think affirmations are a little silly?”

“No,” his therapist responds, uncharacteristically serious, “I think they work.”

“Oh...okay, well-how do they work?”

“It’s an attempt to retrain your brain, right now you probably have a lot of shame and such surrounding yourself, and you can talk badly to yourself, so affirmations are a way to add positivity back to that mix, to try and even out the playing field a bit.”

“Ah, so what if I don’t talk badly to myself?”

“Well, then I would have to ask why you’re bingeing and purging in the first place?”

“I haven’t done that!” Patton lies, “Not recently, anyway.”

“I’m sorry, I misspoke, why did you start bingeing and purging in the first place?”

And, really, Patton can’t remember, it’s been so long.

“I...don’t remember.”

“Okay, I know it’s been a while, but try and think back to when you were using these behaviors. How’d you feel right before they happened?”

“I don’t think I was feeling much of anything,” It’s not a lie. Patton always feels numb when he starts. Then regret sets in after.

“Then let’s start here,” Thomas says, turning to grab a binder. As he flips through the pages, he continues talking, “Because numbness is not the lack of emotion. It’s what happens when you’re feeling so overwhelmed that your defense is to shut it all down.”

“Really?”

“Yep,” Thomas says, “Here it is. There are other emotions we can look at, but I think that this one may be the most accurate.”

At the top of the worksheet, the title is “Shame.”

As Patton reads through the “symptoms,” he finds that more and more fit when he wakes up at night, right before he binges.

“You see, in the simplest terms, shame is when we feel like we’ve done something bad, and therefore we are a bad person.”

“So, what would I do?”

Thomas flips a few more pages and lands on one that says “Check the facts.”

“You would do this,” he says, “You would see if your emotions and intensity fit the facts.”

“And if they didn’t…?”

“You would do the opposite action, which is exposing the thing that you think you should be ashamed of, in a safe space, where people won’t reject you,” Thomas says. “Here, let’s break it down a little bit.”

Thomas lays out all the different ways to interpret an action, about how you would check the facts objectively, but the trick is you have to be honest about the way you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it.

“So, in theory, if I were still bingeing and purging, this could stop it?”

“DBT and CBT is helpful for many patients, so I think it’s worth a try,” Thomas says, “And you have plenty of people who are safe to talk to, Patton. You have me, the group, and your mom. Do you think you could talk to one of them if you’re feeling ashamed?”

“I...I guess I could,” Patton goes quiet, “Hey, Dr. Sanders?” his voice quivers a bit.

“Yes?”

“I...I lied. I’m sorry. But I haven’t stopped. I never stopped.”

A few tears fall down his face. He’s met with silence, so he looks up and sees his therapist giving him a gentle smile.

“That’s okay, Patton,” he says, “We can work on it.”

Patton takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly. “Okay.”

#like it or not #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfic #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders

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five-hour-anxiety · 6 years

Text

depresssion vlog 😥😴👎💭🏳️ | The Theory Of Real Activity | thursday vlogs

Taglist: @zerogettie @spacevirgil@tree4life25@thebiggestnaturaldisaster @pailettehazel@jordandobbertin@thecityofthefireflies @the-fabulous-kimball@azuranightsong@virmillion @erlenmeyertrash @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @the-sanders-sides @punch-you-with-friendship@captaincantatrice@clovenpinetree @jughead-is-canonically-aroace@aplaceinthevoid@that-random-fandom-girl @zennyo

Word Count: 4431

Warnings: depression and talks of anxiety

Pairings: platonic prinxiety, platonic logicality, platonic analogical

Summary: Virgil is in the middle of a spiral and the back to back bad days are making it hard to function. He texts a few friends for help, and this is the result.

Designated Nerd: Virgil, it has been some time since I’ve heard from you. Are you feeling well?

Me: i mean, am i ever fine

Designated Nerd: Well that is indeed worrying. Is there anything I can do for you, or would you rather I contact our more… emotional friends? Do you need me to come visit?

Me: no, i dont want anyone over right now. this is gonna sound so stupid but,,, could u tell me what u do when ur upset

Designated Nerd: If it helps, of course. I tend to listen to stimulating music and take hot showers. Please try to brush your teeth sometime soon as well, as hygiene is something that we all tend to be lax with in these states.

Me: i should have expected advice like that

Designated Nerd: Is it not useful? I apologize.

Me: o no, its good. thx lo

Designated Nerd: Anytime Virgil. Do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything else.

***

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: hey panic at the everywhere, u still breathing

Me: wow didnt kno u cared that much

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: of course i care u ass how u doing

Me: i mean im not dead. thats a fucking victory dude can i get a hell yeah

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: hell fucking yeah bro im proud of u

Me: hey while ur here,,,, how do u deal with ur bad days.

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: poorly

Me: damn dude

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: yeah well thats life but i also light candles and fucking moisturize. unlike u u heathen

Me: thanks u fucking prick

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: hate u too u asshole c u this weekend~

***

Pat-Dad: hey kiddo!! haven’t heard a peep outta you lately, just wanna make sure you’re still okay!!

Me: im not okay, actually. but im glad u texted bc i have a q for u

Pat-Dad: anything for you kiddo, tell me how i can help!! :)

Me: wat do u do on bad days. like, how do u deal with the shitty emotions

Pat-Dad: language kiddo.

Me: hellcrab.png

Pat-Dad: i dont have the profanity manatee on me so just pretend i sent that. anyway! i like to watch a bunch of funny shows and sit around in my favorite clothes! gotta feel good somehow!! and like, a lot of pillows are involved.

Me: is this permission to turn my living room into a pillow fort

Pat-Dad: absolutely!!! but make sure you eat something today kiddo,,, making food is gonna be better than takeout btw. Feels good to have made something, trick the brian into enjoying the food more.

Me: brian

Pat-Dad: *brain, oh hush up

Me: thanks 4 the help. <3 u

Pat-Dad: anytime kiddo!!!! :) <3 love you more!!!!!

***

“Welcome back to the Theory of Real Activity -- today’s vlog: not what you all signed up for.” Virgil sighed, running a hand through his hair. “As I’m sure a lot of you have noticed, or at least the twitter crew has, I haven’t been as active on the channel lately. And I’m sorry about that, but I think I’m ready to talk about why now.

“As many of you know, I have depression and anxiety. No way around it, there’s the truth. Often, these diseases prevent me from functioning like a healthy person would. That’s what’s been happening to me for the last few months. I’ve had a hard time getting up and dragging myself anywhere, much less making new content for all of you. Talking to friends via text is really hard too, so Twitter is something I can’t deal with either.

“And I know a lot of you out there are the same way -- heck, when I do use Twitter and the likes, I see messages like that all the time. And I’m happy I’m able to help you all through those days when I can. But I can’t always be around to make stuff like that, so today I’m gonna talk you guys through helping yourselves when the days get bad and the voices get loud, okay?

“But don’t let the start of this video fool you -- this isn’t a ‘oh we’re all gonna be okay if we just believe!’ kinda thing. Because there’s a lot of those. Don’t get me wrong, those are all wonderful messages and I really appreciate them, but I don’t think we need another one right now. What’s the point in trying to be motivated when the energy just isn’t there? I don’t know about any of you, but I almost feel worse when I watch those because I know whoever is on the other side of the screen wants me to work for happiness and I just… can’t. I can’t do it when I’m that low. So, no, this is not one of those videos.

“This is something completely different, I really hope it clicks with a few of you.”

The camera switches out of selfie mode to reveal a table full of shopping bags. Virgil laughs off-screen and there’s the sound of papers shuffling.

“Ladies, Gents, and everyone beyond the binary welcome to ‘How to Kinda Cope with Shit Brains’, starring yours truly. Let’s begin, shall we?”

***

“Logan, you didn’t tell me you were uploading a video today! What’s this one about?” Patton squealed, clicking on the notification. Logan peered over his shoulder, trying to make out the display behind layers of smudges and a few cracks.

“I- I did not upload a video today as Thursdays are typically reserved for anything Virgil wishes to post. That’s why there have not been any midweek videos recently.” Logan pulled out his own phone, giving up on Patton’s, and quickly unlocked the screen. “There is no one else with access to the account, so who- oh never mind. That is clearly something of Virgil’s creation.”

“My goodness, he sure loves emojis, huh?” Patton giggled, reaching into his pockets. Logan groaned something like ‘you have no idea’ and pulled out a screen cloth for Patton. The younger man took it and quickly cleaned off his screen before pulling out his earbuds

“Do you wanna watch it together?” He asked, dangling them in front of Logan. Logan stared at him, grimacing.

“Do you know how unsanitary sharing earphones is, Patton? I have a split connector in my bag, allow me to retrieve it and we shall view it together.”

***

“So, I have compiled a list of things my friends do when they’re having bad days, as well as a few activities of my own, and we’re gonna test them. I’ll take note of how I feel before I start, do the activities, and then I’ll rate them by how I feel afterward. And if that sounds complicated, it is! Kinda. Logan says it’s the proper way to test things, by having a starting point and an end point, so go ask him? I don’t know, he’s always talking about control groups and I don’t know about any of you but I don’t want to make myself have bad days back to back just so I can test a bunch of things ‘fairly’.

“Anyway, first up: Roman’s list. He- he actually didn’t have much to say, just “moisturize bitch’ so I just pulled ideas from what he normally does on off-days. Sorry, Ro, but you brought this upon yourself.”

Virgil reaches into the bag marked “Bed, Bath, and Beyond” and fishes out a bottle of something pink, as well as a purple container of lotion and a green candle.

“I know for a fact Roman prefers grapefruit face wash, so that’s what we got here,” he shakes the pink bottle, “so we can gift this to him when we’re done here. And we have a bottle of lavender-scented lotion to go with it. I read somewhere that lavender helps with anxiety or something, but like,” he points at the camera, “it just smells good, and I am not ashamed to admit to that. Don’t read too much into this.

“I also bought a scented candle, because that’s the only other thing Roman offered advice-wise. I fact-checked this one, and apparently good scents are supposed to help you think more clearly? Or something. I don’t know, I read the article at four in the morning, there’s not much I can really remember about it. Four am Virgil is really bad at retaining information.”

The camera jostles as Virgil picks it up and walks into his bathroom. “Uh, just for like, the starting point? The best way to describe this type of anxiety is the buzzing and tensing of your muscles and the tightness in your chest. There’s nothing I want more than to dive under my bed sheets and sleep until tomorrow and try again later.

“But I’m going to do this, so wish me luck.” He mutters, turning the tap on and grabbing a washcloth. The screen cuts away to black as an upbeat nineties song plays, and the text on the screen reads ‘Roman’s results’.

“So,” Virgil starts, his face covered in white foam, “this stuff kinda burns? Roman, what the hell is wrong with you, you like this stuff? Ugh. Also, just so everyone knows, the smell of artificial grapefruit and lavender do not mix. Like separate, they are really good smells but just… don’t mix them together. It’s a really bad idea. We may have to do my list next so I can let the house air out for a while. As it is, I didn’t even try to light the candle, we do not need to add spearmint to this stink bomb.

“Beyond that? The face wash is definitely waking me up. I feel a little more ‘oh hey, I’m a person’ that I did before so, yeah. This wasn’t a total bust. And my skin is soft! I understand the appeal of moisturizing now! Roman, how dare you keep this a secret from me?” Virgil laughs, rubbing his hands together. “Holy shit I feel like a million bucks. I am keeping the lotion, you can take this demon face scrub.” Virgil reaches off screen and picks up the pink bottle, scanning the back panel of text.

“So overall, I’d say Roman’s tactics work. You just gotta like, make sure you get complimentary smells so you don’t stink yourself out of your house,” He says, still reading the bottle, “And you should definitely read the instructions on the bottles because this,” He holds up the pink bottle, “says to wash off after a few minutes, and it’s been ten. I’m gonna go get this off my face now.”

***

“Babe, you seriously didn’t read the instructions?” Roman howled, throwing his head back into the couch. He could hear Virgil scoff from the kitchen.

“Excuse me, but I thought it was like one of those face masks you leave on for half an hour! How was I supposed to know!” He asked, walking back into the room and plopping down beside Roman. “They look the same when you put them on, and you have a few long-lasting ones that smell like grapefruit! I had no way of knowing!”

“You could’ve called, man. I would have helped you!” Roman lifted his arm, inviting Virgil to crawl under it. He took it and wrapped his arms around the taller man’s chest. “You bought face scrub, which is definitely not the same thing. Both are good though! Just, not that same.”

“Yeah, well, I know that now,” Virgil muttered, burying his head in Roman’s hoodie.

“We can do actual face masks after this if you want.” Roman offered, picking his phone back up. “Your pores could really benefit from one.”

“You’re a dick. Turn that thing off.”

“Love you too, bastard, but there’s no way in hell I’m turning this off.”

***

The camera cuts again, and this time Virgil is in his bedroom. The window is open, and the sound of passing cars is almost inaudible but still present. His peach walls are bathed in a warm glow of the setting sun, a light breeze pushing his bangs up every so often.

“Okay so, next up is Patton’s list. As per my own ‘rules’, I’m feeling mentally exhausted and ready to check the fuck out right now. But despite this, I’m actually… really excited for this one? It involves food, there’s no way this can go poorly.”

The video cuts to footage of Virgil screaming as food on the stove erupts into flame. The 1812 Overture is playing the background. Whatever was in the pan is no longer food, as the burnt sustenance is bubbling in an ominous manner. The oven mitt is no longer on Virgil’s hand and is instead in a smoky heap on the kitchen counter.

“No way this can go poorly” Virgil’s voice echoes as he runs off camera screaming. He returns with a fire extinguisher, the lens becoming jammed with foam just before the video cuts back to Virgil in his room eating Chinese takeout.

“Okay so. It turns out it can go poorly. Patton said that making sure you eat, like, actual food and not six servings of chocolate cake with a glass of cherry coke on the side is supposed to help with the depression thing but like. It definitely didn’t help with the anxiety. Something about the food you worked to make tasting better?

“So, I cheated and ordered take out. But hey! This stuff has got a bunch of veggies in it, so I think I won this round. Moving on,” Virgil puts the food down and leans down to grab something off the floor, “Patton also recommended watching some shows that I know I enjoy, so let’s do that next.” Virgil puts on the purple headphones he had grabbed and pulled his laptop onto his lap. He clicks off the light on his desk and plunges the room into darkness with only his computer light illuminating his face.

“We’re watching the entirety of the Brooklyn Nine-Nine Halloween episodes, so be prepared for a highlight reel of that while I stuff my face with rice.” He twirls his finger around in a ‘roll film’ motion and kicks his feet up on the desk.

The camera cuts to a black screen once more, the same upbeat music playing in the background. The text now read’s “Patton’s results”.

The next few minutes is a series of clips strung together, many of them consisting of Virgil mouthing the lines along with the characters, and screeching with laughter. The last one shows him crying into his takeout, mumbling about how much he loves the relationship between Jake and Amy. He had taken his feet down from the desk at some point, now curled into his chair and bundled in his hoodie almost entirely.

The video cuts away to a slightly more composed Virgil, who is now cuddling a pillow and scraping the bottom of the takeout box. His eye makeup had run down his face over the last few hours and he looked unnaturally pale in the weird lighting.

“Yeah that uh,” He coughs awkwardly, “that worked. Ten out of three Patton, way to go. Got my brain to shut up for like, I don’t know, two hours?” He takes a deep breath and puts the takeout container on the desk. “It’s late, I think I’m gonna just do Logan’s and I’s lists tomorrow.”

***

“Should I be concerned that he set the kitchen on fire and didn’t call anyone?” Patton whispered, pausing the video. “Why didn’t he call anyone? Did he get burned?”

“I do not think you speeding to his house would have done any good, Patton, as he got the fire out by himself. That being said,” Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, “he is not allowed to cook for game night. Ever. What was he even trying to make?”

“He can join me in the kitchen ban, then. The store-bought cookie club just gained a new member.”

“God help us if you ever cook together. I’d have to take out a loan for a new apartment. I already cannot pay my student loans, I fear the possibility of adding to my life debt.” Logan shuddered, reaching over to unpause the video.

***

“Okay, good morning internet. It’s buttcrack early outside, I don’t even think the sun is up yet? That’s good, actually, and I’ll get to why later.

“So, all that’s left is Logan and I’s lists, and to be honest? Logan may have already won the whole thing, looking at this on paper. He actually cares about like, not dying by germs or some shit.,I can guarantee his list will be practical. I gotta go set some stuff up for my list, so hang tight.” The screen cuts to a slightly more awake Virgil.

He grins and gives a tiny wave before tapping the screen to switch the camera and show a hammock.

“So, I’m next. I’m also gonna save Logan’s advice for the end of the video so you guys watch this whole thing. Give people an incentive for sticking around. Because I can see the stats on this, I know half of you like, exit the video halfway through. Stay for the whole thing, dammit, I need the ad money.” He laughs, gently putting the camera down. The screen shows a new sunrise, one full of soft purples and oranges. Above the sun and its halo are a few stars that have yet to go out for the day, barely visible behind the hazy clouds. Virgil picks the camera back up, the footage shaky.

The camera stills to a shot of Virgil’s legs, the hammock swaying gently in the breeze. A few frogs can be heard singing in the background and Virgil hums a few notes. His voice is low as he speaks, still rough from sleep.

“Again, to follow my own rules: I feel so awful I don’t even want to talk about it, guys. Sorry.” Virgil is quiet for a while longer, the occasional whispered lyric picked up by the microphone. Eventually, he speaks once more, a lighter tone to his voice.

“Sure, this looks peaceful, but if you could all hear what kind of music I’m listening to right now, you’d be calling my therapist. Hey, Paul, I apologize my bro, but wow are you not gonna like me the next time I’m in.

“So yeah, my list is just ‘get sun and get songs’. You Gucci fam, just stay out here until you either feel good or get cold. Probably gonna be the last one but, hey, you tried. Gold star. Bring a blanket if you wanna aim for the best possible outcome.”

The camera cuts again, this time looking down from what is assumed to be a porch. The sky is dark once more, and the only source of light is a small candle.

“Huh. What do you know, the candle works after all. Spearmint -- the poor man’s anti-anxiety. You know, I actually looked that up. Spearmint is supposed to be a good stress reliever and some kind of mood booster. The more you know, huh?”

***

“Virgil, what the hell does that mean?” Roman chuckled, rubbing Virgil’s arm.

“It means that when I’m panicking at work I just pop in a breath mint and BAM I am suddenly closer to reality than I was ten seconds ago.”

“Do I wanna know how you discovered that?”

“I had a hangry panic attack in high school and the only thing I had to eat in my bag were breath mints I was meaning to gift to you.”

“Oh, that’s pretty- hey.”

“You could still use some, man. Keep your nasty breath away from me.”

Roman just hummed, looking at Virgil from the corner of his eyes. He smiled softly, his eyes sad and concerned. Pulling him closer, he unpaused the video and listened as he continued to hold his friend.

***

“And last but certainly not least, is the list of the late, great Logan. He’s not dead. He’s just always late to dinner dates. Like a pretentious nerd, his excuses are ‘oh, I was studying’, ‘oh, I had an exam’, or ‘Patton set the kitchen on fire again, call 911’. What an ass.

“Anyway. This list, which doesn’t have a cool name because Logan is against emojis and stuff, just has like, five items on it. In order that is: brush your teeth, put on some clean clothes, wash your hair, put on some socks, and the last one is a surprise. Because it really took me off guard and I need you all to be as surprised as I was.

“And right now, I just feel apathetic. In case someone gets upset that I didn’t mention I felt going into this, I just feel apathetic.”

The video cuts away to Virgil’s bathroom once more, and the leftover mess from the other day can be seen in the sink.

“Uh. Just, just ignore that mess. You know what it’s from, I don’t feel bad about that. Anyway, teeth brushing. Let me just find the toothpaste…

“You know, I can’t remember if I bought toothpaste at the store. Of all the crap I bought, don’t think toothpaste made it into the bin. So, let’s just see if I still have any of the travel samples from the dentist.”

Virgil riffles through his cabinets, pulling out items such as combs, hair dye, bleach, and a bottle of pills. He hums for a second, before crouching down to look under the sink.

“I feel like, and I could be the only one who experiences this, I feel like anything that gets put under the sink will never see the light of day. So maybe I won’t be brushing my teeth today- wait. Wait! Oh gosh, thank you Jesus- there’s a- there is a bottle in the back there, but I can’t reach it. Outta my way, makeup kit, I got teeth to be cleaned!”

Virgil pops back into view, holding up a half used mini bottle of toothpaste. It’s the kid’s kind, that tastes like berries and bubblegum. He uncaps it and starts to squeeze it out onto his toothbrush buts stops short.

“Why the hell are there sparkles in this thing? That- isn’t that a, like, choking hazard or some shit? Okay, sorry Logan, teeth brushing is not happening in this video. I think you’d agree with me on this. When you get to this point in the video, feel free to add toothpaste to our shopping list.”

***

“Jokes on you, Virgil, I added it yesterday when I spent the night and had to use that monstrosity.”

“I use that stuff all the time, Logan, there’s nothing wrong with it! Look at me, I’m perfectly fine!”

“That’s… that’s a, uh, great point Patton. Explains a lot.”

***

“Okay, so next on the list was clean clothes. I’m doing that off camera, you nasties, so hang tight for a word from our sponsors.”

The screen is black, with white text reading “crofters plz sponsor us logan is desperate.”

Virgil reappears, in the same hoodie and shirt. He smirks, pointing at a pile of clothes on the floor.

“Ha, I own two of these hoodies and three of these shirts. I am a cartoon character, y’all will never see me in a different outfit. You can dream, but my job is to crush those dreams.” He makes a fist as he says this, laughing through his teeth as he tries to appear tough.

The camera cuts again, this time showing Virgil singing into a hairbrush while a towel is wrapped around his head. The scene doesn’t last long, as we are once again taken back to Virgil’s bedroom where he is set up with a laptop. This time he’s on his bed and the curtains are drawn.

“It said to wash your hair, and you can’t wash hair without serenading the monsters living behind the shower curtains we all feared when we were little. Just because we aren’t afraid of them doesn’t mean they aren’t real!

“Anyway, this is the last part of Logan’s list. It’s actually really sweet? Like, I am a grown ass man, and I am not ashamed to say I sobbed over this.” He continues, voice starting to tremor.

Virgil spins his laptop around to show a YouTube video that’s about half an hour long. The title reads, ‘the best of Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street’. Virgil sniffs real fast, raking a fist over his eyes.

“He uh, he knew these guys were my heroes growing up. And he knew it would cheer me up. Guess w-hat man,” Virgil sniffs again, “It- it worked like a fu-fucking charm. I uh, I’m actually feeling things after going through your list, so like. Nice work, I guess, I owe you dinner. Like, dinner at a restaurant, not a cooking dinner because I don’t want to poison you.

“Ahem. Anyway. That’s the best thing in this whole video, you win Logan. And that about wraps up the Thursday vlog. Thanks for listening everyone, here’s the obligatory ‘we’re gonna be okay’ message, because as corny as that is -- it’s true. Find yourself a Bert to go with your Ernie and it’ll be okay. Maybe throw in an Elmo or a Zoey if you wanna round out the group. And my metaphor is getting too complicated, so! Virgil out! See you this weekend for the next Theory of Real Activity -- Logan and I are joined by Patton this time and we get into wild shit this week, let me tell you.”

***

“Well, what are we still waiting around here for?” Patton asked, turning his phone off. He disconnected the earbuds, stuffing his haphazardly into his front pocket. Logan winced at the sight, and quickly but carefully wound his up into their case.

“I’ll text Virgil to make sure he knows to expect us. Patton, if you could text Roman?” Logan asks, standing up and smoothing out his shirt. Patton nods, already poking away at his phone.

Me: Greetings, Virgil. Patton and I are on our way over to your house if that is okay?

Virgil Jackson: cant tell you no, you practically live here

Me: Yes, well, that is true. Is there anything I should bring with us?

Virgil Jackson: would it be lame to say a hug

Me: Not at all. If there is anything this group is good for, it’s hugging and crying. The occasional yelling, but that could go either way.

Virgil Jackson: whatever nerd, get over here already

#sanders sides fic #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #thomas sanders #prinxiety #logicality #analogical #ali writes #its another vlog fic sue me #i wanted to you all can fight me later #the theory of real activity

37 notes · View notes

oh-theatre · 4 years

Text

Objection!: Chapter 28

Chapter title: Two Unlikely Loves

A/n: Im sorry chapters have been shorter and they've been so bad im so so sorry im trying and im messing up and im just trying and im sorry for the awfulness that is this chapter. anyway here you go

First | Previous | Next

words: 2031

summary: Tensions run high as the courthouse is under siege

pairings: Eventual logicality, prinxiety, platonic demus, romantic remile

warnings: Murder mention, child murder, Law and Courtroom, swearing, blood, hospital, crime scene, murder, gun mention, guns, swearing, abuse, graphic descriptions, alcohol, shooting, crying

Ao3 Link

They all rushed in, practically tripping over one another.

“Patton!” They cry, all in different tones of utter concern. Not Logan however, he bides his time, avoiding eye contact as everyone gives their hearty hellos and tearful reliefs. “Why don't we give them some time?” He hears Barbara whisper, the group nods and somehow he's left alone in the awkward silence of an unusually quiet Patton. Realizing he hadn't said a word to anyone who had come in.

“Lo” he begins, Logan hears his voice finally and he understands what he feels. Anger, he wishes not to speak to Patton. Not now, not ever. “Logan” Patton tries again, the man can hear the softest break in his sweet tone. What was he thinking? How dare he ignore Patton.

He coughs, breaking his own silence but that's it. He will not make the first move, he should have been trusted. Why didn't he..”trust me?” He hadnt meant to let the words fall, he hadn't given them such permission.

“Oh starlight”

Damn Patton was good, he almost took to look at him. He continues to stare around the room, it felt bland, unlike his gorgeous eyes who he could find himself lost in. He listens, the shifting and sudden grunts of struggle catches him off guard. He turns, finding Patton's feet trembling as he clutches desperately to his IV line as he barely steps forward. Logan can see the pain and he finds himself completely in motion.

“Patton” He chides, rushing over he takes the shaking arms, situating the stubborn lawyer back on the edge of the bed. Kneeling in front of him with a deep breath of relief. “Do you enjoy bringing pain” Logan jokes, but finds no ease in Patton's face. The tears swell and he shakes his sorry head. “Oh sunshine” He sighs

“I'm so sorry” Patton laments, Logan, though slight, shakes his apology away. He leans up, taking the man's cheek, kissing him softly as they melt into one. God how he missed him. Patton deepend said kiss, not that either mind one bit.

“If you ever..” Logan begins, gasping for short breaths, his blush quite noticeable “Do that again..” Patton nods, understanding instantly.

“Not planning too...at least not this year” He shrugs, Logan nudges him, squeezing his leg sweetly. “C’mere” He gestures, they connect once more, it's soft and feels light in this heavy world. Once away, they allow their fingers to fiddle together, the puzzle just fits. It was their puzzle, years to find all the corner pieces but now it was their turn to fill in the middle. A quick gasp escapes Patton, he pushes gently on Logan. “The twins!” He exclaims, was it some kind of sense?

“Papa!” They cry in unison, rushing into the room barreling through Logan. Both decide to speak the fastest they can muster, speeding through their weeks and adventures. Patton listens intently, his eyes hazing to a prideful Logan. He wasn't sure what came over him but the overwhelming feeling of simply breaking down was noticeable. Not to the twins, nor Emile….but Logan saw it instantly.

“Hey, why don't you both venture to the shops with Emile and pick out a nice gift for your father” Logan suggests, Patton trembles as he waves them a careful goodbye not sure how much longer he can hold up. Once the door shuts Logan works quick as Patton shatters. Seeing the twins was the breaking point, his head pounds. Logan helps the quiet man and his tears back into bed, once settled he cuddles Patton, a comforting rub to his harms and Patton clutches hard. Logan can feel the wet soak him but he doesn't care, nothing but Patton concerns him.

“I'm so sorry” He sniffles, barely audible through his almost fearful sobs. As if any louder and he could get in serious trouble...Logan's heart sunk. He pushes the image of Liam out of his mind kissing Patton's forehead. This was their room, area and moment. Nobody dare touch the ever fragile bubble. Ready to collapse, become delicate glass to fall. It takes awhile but the exhaustion sets in and Patton falls into it, releasing Logan before he does, giving him the freedom not to bear him down. Logan sighs sitting up, he checks the clock realizing he himself may have dozed off as well. The best sleep he had gotten in a month, though guilty he was so thankful for Patton being here, awake.

“Mm” He rubs his eyes, the bags becoming prominent under them. He doesn't flinch feeling Patton wrap his arms around Logan, laying his head on the lawyer's shoulder. A sweet kiss to his neck, a tingle he had missed sent down his back.

“You're exhausted” Patton identifies, connecting their hands. Logan scoffs, a smile with a tinge of truth however. “I'm here, you can rest Lo” Patton promises, soothing comfort down Logan's arm and cheek. Logan bites down, clenching his jaw so tight it begins to pulse. He avoids anything that will reflect his delicate state. Logan takes Patton's hand, kissing it but he isn't there. His mind floods with schedules and routines, meals and things he must do, children cries and joy.

And he loves it.

Yes he's drained, but all he can think of is the conversation he had with Patton eons ago. Thats how he felt, these children could take everything from him. Sleep, food, anything and hed smile with delight.

“I'd like to move in” Logan proposes, Patton chuckles into his shoulder. A tired smile accompanied with a nod. Logan takes this as his moment to convince, quickly preparing an argument but Patton has his own idea.

“And here I thought you already had” Patton laments, Logan yawns but hes amused. Something about the way he felt with Patton allowed him to enjoy it. Allowed him to just relax, always helps that Patton had taken to massaging Logan without a prompt. But out the window there he was, he knew Patton felt it, his shoulders tightened. “Dearest?” Patton hums, kissing him gently.

“We need to talk about Virgil”

~~~

“I want to see my little boy” Patton sings, Remy chuckles as Emile brings Thomas forth. Cradling the baby in Patton's arms.

“Here he comes” Emile teases, Patton giggles, joined by the baby soon enough.

“Oh my here he does, look at this angel” Patton coos, tickling ever so carefully his stomach, the both allowing themselves a moment with each other. The sweetness the child radiates is almost too much for Patton's weak heart. Soon enough everyone cycled in for their reunion. Logan stood protective by Patton the entire time, a hand on his shoulder and love infecting him. Patton was grateful.

The twins were impatient and they had every right to be, spending almost three hours with their father and Logan simply chatting away. Patton loved it,he loved cuddling Valerie while Remus explained his journeys, he loved Remus fiddling with his hair as Valerie recounted their days with Logan. And most of all he loved Logan. He loved that he got to share this with someone, someone who cared someone who he loved and who loved him back.

Soon enough the room darkened and Roman, after a copious check up and a thorough conversation volunteered to take them home for some rest.

“You are truly my hero” Patton teases, knowing that title was held by only one person. One person who was currently making sure the children were bundled up before they said their goodbyes. Roman gave him one last squeeze before leading them out followed by James who waves the door closed.

“You look exhausted” Logan notices, fluffing up Patton's pillow, making sure the lawyer remains cozy and comfortable. Patton takes his cheeks as he leans in and plants a quick kiss on him. He pulls away, getting prepared to take his sleep, Logan smiles timidly planting a kiss on his head before finally releasing his overbearing care. Not that Patton minds. Logan sets up in the chair next to him, turning the night light on and flipping quietly through a book.

It remains peaceful and still for awhile, Logan almost dozes off with his blanket sprawled around him. But as the clock strikes eleven thirty, the door slides open. And of course panic sets in, why were the doctors here and so late at night? But when the gruff boots and purple jacket reflected on the light, Logans panic set in even more.

“Virgil” Logan identifies in a whisper, the detective meets his eyes. The bags are prominent. But his boiling hatred was fiery. “He's sleeping” Logan scolds, folding up his blanket and putting the book on the shelf. “Where were you all day?” Logan goes, quickly back tracking. “Actually no, I don't care”

“Lo be nice” Patton mumbles through his pillow, the pair jump and Logan joins his side quickly. He wipes his eyes sitting up, allowing Logan to serve him water, taking it gratefully. Virgil wants to come forward, his head pulsed as his eyes laid on Patton. He missed him so much, but Logans glare stopped him. “Thank you starlight” Patton put his glass back, and Virgil adored the casualness of their physical connection, the nicknames and the fact that Logans and Pattons hands were connected. But he hated that he couldn't enjoy this right now. “Heya Virge” Patton swallows, something forced down.

“Pat..” Virgil breathes, he wants to gush but something holds him back. Patton bit his lower lip, he extended his arms, motioning for Virgil to come forth. The breath that escaped Virgil lifted the pressure from his chest.

“Patton no” Logan reminds, he doesn't mean to be controlling but he cares for Patton more than he can describe.

“Logan come on” Virgil sighs. Patton clutches his blankets knowing hes only doing this out of confrontation and his fear of such. But with what Logan told him...shouldn't he be mad?

He was

He was painfully hurt

“What did you tell him?” Virgil points as Patton refocuses.

“The honest truth and what I found Patton should know” Logan explains. Patton takes his hand, feeling the sweat build. Logan takes the signal and finds himself breathing with relaxation. “You took the money, you and Remy took the money” He lays out flat. “When Patton came to you about Liam you should have done something” Logan spits “Instead, like everyone else in that goddamn precinct you took Liams vile money and kept your mouth shut” Logan reveals, Virgil averts his guilty eyes. Patton twinges, clasping tighter to Logan.

“Patton let me just..I…” Virgil feels something clamp tight in his throat. He has an explanation but nothing worth Patton's forgiveness. “You said you h-had a plan and you were gonna leave i thought, its just a little longer and Damian and I-”

“Virgil are you fucking kidding?” Logans voice remains quiet but it seethes, Patton struggles but sits up pulling Logan closer to him.

“Dearest, language” He whispers sweetly, wiping the sweat away from Logans hot head. “Its ok, I'm okay and you're okay and the twins and Damian and virge...everyones ok” Patton rambles, Logan softens at the soft breaths he takes. Idiot, he punishes. Patton was tired, he was shaking ever so slightly.

“Im so sorry Pat, I should go” And he does, Virgil gives him one more apologetic look before slamming the door away. Patton releases an exasperated breath before falling back into his pillow. How many times was he going to cry today?

“Love?” Logan sits with him, Patton cant conjure up words he simply shakes his head, the tears flow. Logan adjusts so he cradles Patton, a gentle lullaby his hummed to him as he remembers every time a touch had never felt so loving, and filled with pain instead. “I love you so very much” He promises, he was so glad Patton took that from him.

I dont think Id want to give that to anyone else

Soon enough, the pair was comfortably asleep, both with dreams...or nightmares of their own. But together, and surely they wouldn't let the other be hurt, not again, not ever again.

61 notes · View notes

maple-keenes · 5 years

Text

they wanted heaven from me, i gave ‘em hell

summary: heaven pays no attention to the actions of those in hell. roman isn't sure whether he's doing the right thing anymore, but he's certain of one thing - that his father isn't fit to be king. and he'll do whatever it takes to make sure that he won't be anymore.

pairing: logicality and prinxiety

tw: murder, death, discussion of murder and death, remus, deceit, morally grey deceit, weapons, criminalization of gay people, homophobia, cursing

wc: 5837

a/n: this took me THREE MONTHS to write and i am ashamed of how bad it turned out

read it on ao3

general:

@analogical-chaos @theflatpancake @ilovemygaydad @alltimevirgilant @virgiliananxiety @romanticsanders @theincediblesulk @wroammin @creativity-killed-thekitten @bitchyybabyy400 @wooflesthatwoof @lyditist @heck-im-lost @max-is-tired @demurphart @thelowlysatsuma @land-of-dragons-and-frogs @theeternalspace @magicallygrimmwiccan @weirdsthenewnormal @romansleftshoulderpad

The king looked down coldly upon his son, who, despite being ordered to his death, was oddly cheery.

“Roman Delacour, you are nothing but an embarrassment and a traitor to this family. You and that… boy… have brought shame upon our kingdom and you tried to murder me, you wretched man.” The king turned up his nose, refusing to look at his son.

Roman smiled crookedly, glancing up at his father. “Daddy, please. Forget about the whole sodomite thing for five minutes, won’t you?” He laughed. “Personally, I find it ridiculous. I think the fact that I’m being executed should fall entirely on the arranged coup, not the boyfriend.”

“ENOUGH!” his father roared, gesturing for the executioner to slap his son. “You are shameful, boy.”

“I’m aware.”

The king wrinkled his nose. “I do not want to have this disgusting creature in my sight any longer! Take him to the dungeons."

Roman caught the eye of a regal man standing to his father’s left and winked. The executioner stood up, grabbing Roman by the arm and wrenching him away until they were out of sight, down in the hallway to the dungeons.

“You know, you didn’t have to actually slap me,” Roman remarked conversationally.

“It was part of the facade,” the executioner grumbled. “Now shut up or we’re gonna get caught.”

Roman grinned, walking side by side next to the executioner as they made their way to the dungeons. As they finally were out of anyone’s sight for certain, he shook off the loosely tied ropes binding his hands and pulled of the ‘executioner’s’ mask, giving his boyfriend a wry smile. “You’re clever, Virgil. I didn’t think you could pull off the executioner act.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “You have no faith in me, my dearest prince.”

Roman kissed him deeply, wrapping himself around Virgil. “Oh, I’d have you on the dungeon floor if I could, Virge. Many thanks for rescuing me from a terrible fate.”

"Well, I couldn't just leave you to die, my darling."

about five months prior

"A toast!" the king cried, "to my dear son, Prince Roman. May your victories be plenty."

Roman beamed as his father and the rest of the court applauded. He stood up, raising his glass to the rest of the court, the ladies giggling and swooning as he smiled at each of them in turn. “Father, you honor me. I hope to bring great glory to this kingdom!” The crowd let out a raucous cheer, clapping and hollering for their beloved prince.

Oh, their beloved prince, the savior of the kingdom. An amazing title to have bestowed upon oneself, but Roman despised it. Oh, he despised it. He was trapped, caged in a life he didn’t want. His dad was a dictator, his mother was dead, and he was… he was Prince Roman. He was the symbol of hope for this twisted kingdom.

Late one summer evening, Roman saddled up his horse and rode out into the woods, the lantern swinging in front of him as he cantered through the forest. It was practically dark when he decided he should really start to head back, though his plans were interrupted by strong hands grabbing him around the waist and pulling him off his horse. Roman’s cries were muffled by a gag slyly placed around his mouth as the edges of his vision dulled and then everything…

Stayed vaguely in focus, because he wasn’t going to black out. Gotcha.

As he was dragged, his vision slid in and out of focus. Roman supposed that was on purpose, though he wouldn’t have been able to tell you where he was anyways. When they reached the hole that this hooligan was dragging him to, the prince was promptly tied to a chair and then, only then, did Roman realize that the hooligan currently in the process of binding is legs to the chair was unreasonably attractive. Oh, he had skin like a perfectly roasted coffee bean, and gorgeously tousled brown hair all pulled together with grey-blue eyes. Roman could fall right then and there.

Of course, he wouldn’t. Because he was a man, and therefore he would marry a woman, not a beautiful kidnapper. But oh god, those eyes…

What was the harm in flirting a little? Especially with a man who was certainly going to be executed once his father found him. The kingdom would never stand for its beloved prince being missing, and Roman would be grateful, even though his father could only truly be described, as the author would say, as a word that begins with a and ends with sshole. And tyrant. Murderer. Etcetera.

“I don’t suppose you’re only on your knees for my viewing pleasure?” Roman asked lazily, retaining that ridiculous confidence he’d become known for.

His captor looked up. “Oh honey, I only get down on my knees for attractive princes.”

Roman was quite put out by that. Never, in his life, had he been insulted and rejected so thoroughly in the same sentence. “I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me why I’m bound hand and foot.”

“Nah,” his kidnapper replied, flashing him a cheeky smile. “I’m going to go fetch my friends. And then we’ll see about your fate.” He bit his lip, still laughing. “Personally, I was all for execution. My friends are less cold-hearted.”

“I don’t think I could ever see someone as attractive or humorous as you are as cold-hearted,” Roman remarked, grinning at his mysterious captor.

The man winked. “You’d be surprised.” With that, he turned and walked into a room off to the side, returning a minute later with his friends, Roman assumed.

One was taller than the other by quite a bit, sporting a royal blue bandana tied fashionably around his neck. Roman could have sworn he’d seen that face before, the pale skin contrasted against dark brown hair and dark freckles. The picture of regality in posture and poise, but a boyish face nonetheless.

The other was shorter, bouncy, and smiling. This was not a situation where one should be smiling, so he had to admit he was impressed. He has long curls… come to think of it, Roman was fairly certain he had also seen this young man before. God, he really needed to start paying attention to the servants’ names.

“So, my dearest prince, these are my friends. They will decide your fate.”

Tall glanced at him, annoyance and disdain evident. “You have far too much of that ridiculous flair for the dramatic in you.”

“Aww, I think it’s sweet,” Short cooed. “Hi, Prince Roman. I’m Patton, that’s Logan,” he pointed to Tall, “and your captor is Virgil. He’s kind of a... well, he’s a nice jerk, but we love him no matter what.”`

Roman gasped, attempting to point at Logan. "You! I know you! You work for my father!"

Logan nodded. "I am an advisor to the throne. Surely we've met before, prince."

"Once or twice. You are a spy, then?" he questioned.

"Certainly. The former duke - or king, now, I must call him, may trust me, but I know the man is a tyrant." Logan sighed. "I didn't mean to live a double life. I have been Remus' advisor since he was 25 years of age and I 18."

"So… you're old, is what you're saying."

He let out a short, barking laugh. "What I'm saying is that I know your father very well. And his brother, when he was still alive."

Roman opened his mouth in protest, ready to call the older man out on his faulty memory, (his father never had a brother) when Virgil interrupted with a loud "Anyways. Life stories later, prince murdering now. Any last words, Roman?"

"Now hold on a minute -"

Patton placed a calming hand on Virgil's arm. "Virgil. He is not our enemy. Nor are we going to murder him for the actions of his father. The servants I meet are fond of Roman. He is kind to them when his father is not. And the court nobles… well, they know that he is different, if nothing else."

Realization dawned on him. "Patton… do I know you too?"

Patton gave him a small smile. "From a long time ago. It makes sense you would not recognize me, but nonetheless, I still think you are kind and I would much prefer you as an ally and friend than dead on our floor."

(It is months later that Roman finds out the truth about Patton. When the secret is revealed, Roman will think back to this moment and wonder how he missed it, because it was all in the eyes and he just wasn't looking hard enough.)

"So I'm outvoted?" Virgil asks, scoffing. "Fine. But he could still run off and go tell his father and we'd all be dead. We don't know him."

"I do," Logan and Patton chorused.

He shoots them a glare. "Well, I don't." Virgil walked over to Roman and poked him in the chest rather harshly. "How do we know you won't rat us out to Daddy?"

A million reasons ran through Roman's mind.

Because he's a horrible tyrant.

Because he starved thousands.

Because he treats his council and family like we are less than dirt in private, and as if we are gods in public.

Because he murdered my mother and he'll kill me too.

"Because he doesn't deserve the throne he sits on. No country deserves a land ruled by someone with no one's interests at heart but their own." Roman sighed. "And… because I hate him more than you do."

Virgil leaned back, seemingly satisfied with Roman's answer. "Well. I guess that's okay." He reached out his hand to Roman as a gesture of "I guess it's okay if I don't murder you today".

Roman took it. "Good to be a part of the team," he responded. "What do we do now?"

Virgil raised his eyebrows as a smile overtook his face. "Now you learn how to fight."

It was two days later when Roman returned to the place he'd met the other three, mumbling something or other about Virgil being a bitch and also unfairly attractive for such a bitch.

Virgil was already standing outside, twirling a dagger between his fingers and smirking at Roman. There was a straw doll set up a few yards away from the hole marking the entrance to the secret lair or whatever.

"Guess who finally showed up." Virgil sheathed his dagger. "Thought we agreed on 4?"

"Had to convince my guard not to follow me out," Roman said, dismounting from his horse (who had, luckily, wandered back to the castle after Roman was kidnapped).

He nodded, and Roman took that to mean that this was an acceptable excuse. "What'd you tell them?"

"That I had a hot date with a cute boy," he answered along with a wink.

Virgil turned bright red. "I - I can't - " he stuttered, before quickly regaining his confidence. "I feel sorry for the man. His company is quite unattractive."

Roman scowled. "I'm gorgeous, thank you. And I told them that I would like to hunt and i would prefer to do so alone. They were much more keen to believe that excuse than a woodland tryst with another man."

"Oh, I wonder why?" he muttered sarcastically, tossing Roman a plain dagger. "First lesson, close combat."

He held the dagger in his palm, studying it. "It's… well, frankly, Virge, this dagger is boring. And I already know how to fight!"

Virgil shot him an exasperated glare. "Firstly, defending your life or someone else's is not supposed to be a glamorous affair, Roman. Secondly," he continued, ticking them off on his fingers, "you know how to fight like a royal, which means you know how to fight sword fighting instructors and that's about it. And finally, don't call me Virge."

"Jesus, okay." Roman rolled his eyes. "Okay, master sword fighter, teach me your ways."

"No more snark outta you." Virgil grabbed Roman's hand amd balled it into a fist. "Is this the right way to make a fist?"

"Touchy, aren't we?"

"Stop talking and answer my question."

Roman sighed. "No, it isn't. I'll break my thumb if it's inside the fist."

"Correct," Virgil said, smiling. "You're not as useless as I thought."

"Thanks," he replied, annoyed, though he grinned back at Virgil.

Maybe this would be fun after all.

A month passed of combat training with Virgil, potion-making and medicine with Patton, keeping track of the king's movements with Logan, and planning. What for, he didn't know. But they sure as hell did a lot of it.

“So, Logan.”

"Roman."

Roman leaned back in his chair. “When we first met… you said that my father had a brother. And... I haven’t stopped thinking about it. I just - I've never even heard of an uncle."

Logan's face softened, just a little bit. "I suppose your father wouldn't have wanted you to know about him, no."

He went quiet for a bit, mindlessly flicking through their notes. "What was his name?" he asked, avoiding eye contact.

Logan glanced at him, then looked back down at his papers. “It was Damien.”

“Damien,” Roman repeated. “He was exiled when I was little. I never knew he was my uncle.”

“He was better than your father, but that’s sort of a low bar.” Logan chuckled a bit at his own joke. “Damien was… he wanted people to respect and admire him, and he wasn’t always great at telling the truth, but he was a decent man. You deserved to know him.”

Roman gasped in mock astonishment. “Logan… is this your way of saying that you liked someone?”

Logan glared at him. “I like some people plenty. Currently, you’re excluded from that minority.”

“Well, thanks for telling me about my uncle.” He shifted in his seat a bit, shutting the book in front of him. “It was nice of you. Now, on to more important topics, since you mention that you do, in fact, like people -”

“I would prefer to end this conversation here.”

“And I wanna talk about your love life, because we’re friends now and I want to. So, guess we don’t always get what we want.” Roman shrugged. “I remember one story about you at court that you weren’t married yet, and one of the ladies in Princess Madelyn’s kingdom - you know, the one about a thousand miles east from ours - was quite interested to learn this.” He winked, not subtley, as Logan rolled his eyes.

“Roman, I do not want to talk about this. Also, this is quite the change of topic. How long have you been waiting to ask me?” he said, decidedly looking anywhere except Roman.

Roman grinned. “Since I met you. Come on, I’m a prince. I never get to gossip with my friends!”

Logan shut his book and sighed. “Yet instead of talking to the other 20 year old, you come to the 35 year old advisor?”

“Well, I’m curious, Logan. To the rest of the court, it’s a big deal you’ve never been married because it's so uncommon -"

"Roman!" Logan exclaimed sharply. "As far as legality goes, I am not married, no. Is that good enough for you?"

He gasped. "Does that mean you're married illegally? Is it a princess from another kingdom? Or is it someone higher ranking than you and the court doesn’t approve of the marriage?” Roman continued to speculate as Logan slowly tried to open up his book and continue to read. It was a few minutes later that Roman noticed Logan had completely tuned him out and he began to pester Logan into telling him why he wasn’t married legally.

Logan, sensing that this conversation wasn’t going to end until he told him the truth, sighed and set his book down, saying, “It’s not a legal marriage because I’m married to a man, Roman. And as forward-thinking as the king claims to be, that marriage is not legally recognized in this kingdom. If you’re going to tell your father, remember that we’re all very good with a knife.”

“Oh my god, that’s so obvious!” Roman shook his head. “I can’t believe I didn’t guess that. You know, there was this prince from Valdovia who visited when I was like 17 and we ended up making out instead of going to the dinner -”

“It’s great that I don’t have to stab you, but for the love of all things, please stop talking.”

“Who’s your husband? Would I know him?”

He blushed. “Virgil! Come collect Roman, please!”

Logan refused to take any meetings with Roman for a few days after that.

Since it had been a couple months since Roman had joined their motley crew, Virgil and him had developed a rhythm to their day-to-day fighting. Most of the time, Virgil won, but Roman was starting to catch up. This particular time, it had been a couple days since Roman’s conversation with Logan, and he was just excited to see Virgil.

Neither man would ever admit (Virgil especially, since he maintained a steady cover of constant annoyance with Roman) that they looked forward to these daily lessons.

And they would never, ever admit that they looked forward to seeing each other.

They started off like this -

Strike.

Parr.

"So, did you know that Logan is married?" Roman asked.

Kick.

Block.

"Yeah? Him and Patton have been married for like, five years."

This caused a sufficient break in Roman's concentration, and Virgil was able to land a punch on his shoulder.

"You're kidding," he responded, regaining his balance and aiming a kick to Virgil' side.

"I'm not." He rolled his eyes, easily blocking the kick. "No more talking now."

Dodge.

Punch.

Roman got distracted enough watching Virgil fight that when Virgil kicked him next, he lost his balance and fell down, though not before he tried to grab onto his opponent’s arm to pull himself back up, which ultimately resulted in Virgil falling on top of Roman.

Virgil blushed, hard. “S-sorry -”

“I usually prefer my men under me, but this is nice…” Roman said, grinning.

“Don’t say things like that,” he mumbled.

Roman raised his head up and gave Virgil a quick kiss on the cheek. “There. End of conversation. We can get back to -”

The rest of his sentence was cut off by Virgil kissing him full on on the mouth. Roman grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him closer, wrapping his leg around Virgil’s and that is when Patton walked out.

“Oh!” he exclaimed softly. “Er, boys -”

Virgil rolled off of Roman. “Sorry! We were just… um…”

Patton raised an eyebrow. “Making out on the forest floor?”

“Little bit, yeah.” Roman flushed. “We were fighting and things got a little bit out of hand.”

“You two are so cute!” he said, giggling. “Aw, I was rooting for you guys. I’m gonna go back inside now but just know that I totally approve and -”

“Patton!” Logan called from inside the hole. “Get back here, I need your help!”

And that was the end of that.

Two more months passed of holding hands under the table and kissing each other at the end of fights, of Logan’s stiff congratulations and Patton’s overwhelming acceptance, of training and planning and planning and training, when Logan gathered them all in the main room of the hole and announced formally that the time had come to murder Roman’s father.

“Really, huh? Five months of all this planning and it’s finally time to kill him?” Roman asked, trying to hide the panic slowly creeping into his voice.

Patton laid a comforting hand on his arm. “Roman, you know we’d never make you -”

“No,” he interrupted, voice hardening. “I - I apologize. It feels weird that thing we have been planning for some long has finally come to pass, and I guess it’s just a bit overwhelming for me.” Roman took a deep breath, collecting himself. “What’re we going to do?”

Virgil smirked, standing up. “I’m glad you asked, darling. It requires you to get arrested.”

“Arrested?”

Logan nodded. “We need you to try to kill him and get caught.”

“...why?” he asked.

“If someone were to kill the king, wouldn’t the first in line be the first to suspect? You can’t be there when he dies for real,” Patton explained. “And I can’t either, so when -”

Roman cut him off. “Why can’t you? They don’t know you.”

He cocked his head to the side. “You still don’t know?”

“Save it for later, Patton. Now, I would also be highly suspect, but no one knows who Virgil is. Virgil is our lynchpin. Now, for the rest of it…”

Roman listened intently to his part of the plan (which involved getting caught, escaping, fighting some guards loyal to his father probably, and then being king. Simple, really, if you thought about it) but he was still hung up on Patton’s ‘you still don’t know?’.

Of course, Roman didn’t know a great many things. Roman didn’t know that he’s actually the fictional creativity of a 30 year old man from the year 2019 being written about by a teenager with nothing better to do. He didn’t know about Cup O’Noodles. He didn’t really know what exactly his relationship with Virgil was. Despite all this, the most important thing that Roman does not know is the identity of Patton, who is sitting to his left.

After the meeting, Roman cornered Patton and insisted they talk.

“I - you seemed confused when I asked why you would be suspicious. Why should I know you? Is this some great oversight on my part?”

“Well, a little bit, yes,” Patton said, leaning back against the wall. “You said you never met your uncle. I know for a fact that’s not true.”

Roman folded his arms across his chest. “Fine, so I met him once when I was three. Why do you - oh.”

He smiled a little bit. “Do you remember me now?”

“You - you’re my cousin! You’re Damien’s daughter!” Roman flinched. “Er, I’m sorry. You’re Damien’s son. That’s why - that’s why I knew you - I knew I had met you before! You were my favorite cousin!”

Patton was practically beaming now. “I really have missed you, you know. It was kind of weird, not telling you who I was. But I thought it was for the best…”

“So you are my cousin. Damien’s son,” Roman said, inclining his head towards Patton, who nodded briefly. “But… when I met you… you were a girl.”

“That’s all correct. My dad was never really one to hold me to gender conformity.”

“But my father - he doesn’t like your dad. And… Damien was supposed to be king but he convinced the court to banish him so he could be king, which happened when I was around three so you left with him when you were what, 15? Did I miss anything?”

Patton shook his head.

“And nobody told me this.”

“Apparently not,” he replied.

“I… I’m really sorry, Patton. I feel like I should’ve recognized you earlier,” Roman apologized.

Patton stepped forward and hugged Roman tightly. “Hey, none of that. You know me now. And you’re gonna be king, right? So my father and I will be allowed back into the kingdom.”

Roman smiled a bit and hugged him back. “I promise.”

A little while later, Roman was preparing to mount his horse and head back to the castle as Virgil approached him. Roman set his saddlebag down and turned to him, tilting his head in confusion. “Is something wrong?”

“I - no, nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to ask you - before we go through with all of this…” Virgil trailed off, looking sheepish.

He placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “If this is about the fact that you’re going to have to kill my brother, then I promise I find that a much more attractive quality than you think.”

“It’s not, but duly noted,” he said, laughing a little. “Um, I wanted to ask if you would maybe want to be my boyfriend? I know our relationship is a little weird, and we might die in a couple days, but I -” he coughed, as if it was hard for him to get the words out, “I really like you. You’re the first person I’ve felt this close to ever.”

Roman smiled. “Did you just say something emotional? With no sarcasm at all? Who are you and what did you do with my boyfriend?”

Virgil perked up, looking at Roman. “Is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes, my love,” he responded, giving Virgil a chaste kiss. “Now, I have to get home before dinner, but I’ll see you tomorrow. Alright?”

“Alright.”

Dinner was uneventful. King Remus hadn’t deigned to join them, so Roman struck up a conversation with Logan, who had thankfully attended, about foreign policy or something.

It was when Roman was headed to bed that things got interesting, so to speak.

As he was putting his crown on its cushion, there came a knock at the door. “Come in,” Roman called, stepping back to be able to look at himself in the mirror.

“Roman, what are you doing?”

Roman whirled around to face Remus. “Father! I - I was just putting my crown away. It’s getting late, and I wanted to be rested for my hunt tomorrow.”

The king nodded. “I noticed you’ve been hunting a lot lately. Is there a particular animal you’ve found hard to catch?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“If you must know, Remus, there is a deer who is being quite stubborn,” Roman lied. “I had a query for you…”

“Yes?”

He took a deep breath. “There was a man with a daughter that visited when I was very little. Who was that?”

Remus blanched. “I - I cannot tell you.”

“Do you not recall?” Roman pressed.

“It’s not important, Roman,” he snapped. “Come on, get to bed. I will see you tomorrow.”

Tomorrow passed in planning, planning, and more planning. Roman was set to fake the attempt on his father’s life tonight, and Virgil to rescue him by posing as the executioner. Logan had access to the dungeons, so he would meet them down there with Patton after the king had died for real, and they would escape from there.

So when nighttime fell, Roman tucked a knife into his clothes and went to the king’s room. However, when he approached, he heard voices from inside… one his father’s, and one that he remembered from a long time ago.

“I refuse to let you come back. There’s no fun in being king if your dumb old brother is here too.”

Roman stifled a gasp with his free hand. Damien.

“I’m not the dumb brother! You’re the one running this kingdom into the ground!”

His father harrumphed. “I’m leaving, and you best not be here when I get back.”

Roman reached for his knife as the door swung open and he was face to face with his father.

“Roman?” Remus’s eyes flicked down to the knife clutched in his son’s hand. “Well, I figured you were plotting something. Shame it’s gone so badly for you,” he said, feigning pity.

“Father, I -”

Damien walked over to the door, leaning against the frame. “You know, Remus, I always liked your son better than you. I can’t blame him much.”

“Brother, get out of here. Guards, take my son to the dungeons.”

The exiled king’s eyes glittered. “Oh, I will. Roman, do say hello to Patton for me. He hasn’t stopped by in a while. And congratulations on finally getting together with your boyfriend, Patton was quite excited about it the last time we talked.”

Remus turned to Roman, his curiosity overwhelming his fury. “Your boyfriend?”

Roman held his chin high. “Yes, my boyfriend.”

“Well, I guess you’re to be tried for two things tomorrow. Guards!”

At noon the next day, a guard Roman didn’t recognize dragged Roman out into the Great Room, and he was forced to kneel in front of his father and the rest of the court.

“Behold!” Remus cried, “My horrid son!”

You know what happens next.

Roman didn’t seem to mind one bit that he was about to be executed. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it.

“Roman Delacour, you are nothing but an embarrassment and a traitor to this family. You and that… boy… have brought shame upon our kingdom and you tried to murder me, you wretched boy.” His father turned up his nose, refusing to look at his son.

“ENOUGH!” Remus roared, gesturing for the executioner to slap his son. “You are shameful, boy.” The flicker in Roman’s father’s eyes suggested that while Remus appeared furious, he was actually quite enjoying this.

“I’m aware.”

The king wrinkled his nose. “I do not want to have this disgusting creature in my sight any longer! Take him to the dungeons."

Roman caught the eye of a regal man standing to his father’s left and winked. Damien raised an eyebrow in response. The executioner stood up, grabbing Roman by the arm and wrenching him away until they were out of sight, down in the hallway to the dungeons.

“You know, you didn’t have to actually slap me,” Roman remarked conversationally.

“It was part of the facade,” Virgil grumbled. “Now shut up or we’re gonna get caught.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “You have no faith in me, my dearest prince.”

Roman kissed him deeply, wrapping himself around Virgil. “Oh, I’d have you on the dungeon floor if I could, Virge. Many thanks for rescuing me from a terrible fate.”

"Well, I couldn't just leave you to die, my darling."

Roman giggled. “Okay, handcuffs.”

“Kinky,” he mumbled as he locked Roman into the cuffs, pocketed the key, and put him in the cell. “Now, I’ll be back in about 12 hours and we’ll kick some guard ass.”

“Bye bye.”

Roman wasn’t entirely certain of how long 12 hours was, but one thing he was now sure of was that it was a lot longer than he had previously thought.

By the time the sun rose the next day, Roman was starting to wonder what had happened to Virgil. He hoped that he wasn’t caught or worse, dead, but he couldn’t be sure -

His thoughts were interrupted by Virgil rushing in as if on cue and dragging Roman out of the cell, unlocking his cuffs on the way. “You run to the fight! I have to get out of here before they catch me.” Virgil pulled him in for a quick kiss. “I’ll see you when you’re king, Roman.”

Roman followed Virgil’s instructions and ran towards where he could hear the yelling, keeping his head down as he barrelled through the corridors. When he reached the front lawn of the castle, he saw a million flashes of silver as supporters of his father fought those who opposed him. He saw Patton battling a couple of guards and Logan punching another nobleman in the face, and Roman bit his lip and flew into action.

Strike.

Parr.

Keep your thumb inside your fist, Virgil’s voice reminded him.

Kick.

Block.

You’ve got this.

Dodge.

Punch.

Find your rhythm.

He was getting tired now, and the fight seemed like it was never going to end. As a last ditch resort, Roman cried, “Am I not the king?”, attempting to get everyone’s attention. A couple of people nearby turned their heads, so he continued to talk. “You think you know my father but you don’t! He was a madman!”

“He knew what was best for us!”

“He wanted what was best for him!” Roman snapped. “Remus starved hundreds so he could torture more! He murdered the queen! He is not your king, my people.” He took a deep breath and yelled, “I am your king! And I command you to stop this right now!”

The field fell silent, and Roman made his way through the battlefield. Some of the court he had known best were staring at him with hatred in their eyes he had never seen before. Still, he held his head high and kept walking.

“You know my father as the man who brought you peace after Damien was exiled! You know him as our fearless leader!” Roman yelled, walking through the throngs of people. “But he never knew you. Remus never cared about you!”

“And you do?”

Roman started, a bit taken aback. “I -”

Did he?

“Of course I do,” he said, softer. “I don’t want people to fear me. I want you to respect me. I’m young. I have more time to learn. I won’t be perfect, but I will be better than a man who only wanted the throne to take it from his brother.”

There was a soft murmuring among the people in the crowd, and then a voice called out, “All hail King Roman!”

“King Roman!”

Roman smiled to himself. We did it, guys.

epilogue

“A toast,” the king said, “to the birth of the heir to the throne!”

The rest of the court cheered, the king’s most favored advisor the loudest of them all.

Roman smiled and set down his drink. The child him and his husband had decided to adopt had just been born, and so called for a celebration.

It had been about ten years since the death of his father, and though some people were reluctant to accept Roman at first, he had quickly become favored by the public. (Especially after the legalization of gay marriage and increase in civil rights.)

He walked around, mingling with a few of the guests until he reached his cousin and Patton hugged him as tightly as possible, nearly knocking the breath out of him.

“Oh, I’m so happy for you!” he cried, and Roman laughed.

“Thanks, Pat. I’m sure you will absolutely be his favorite uncle.” He smiled. “I promise Virgil is around here somewhere…”

“Right here, darling,” the man in question said, putting an arm around Roman’s waist. “Hey, Pat. Hey, Logan.”

Logan nodded. “Prince Virgil.”

Virgil stuck out his tongue at him, and Roman laughed. “Love, he’s just being formal.”

And so Dukes Patton and Logan, Prince Virgil, and King Roman, talked together and laughed together, and not a single one thought about what had happened ten years ago.

After all, those in heaven pay no mind to those in hell.

#tw murder #tw death #tw remus #tw deceit #tw cursing #tw weapons #tw homophobia #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #ts fanfiction #sanders sides #logicality #prinxiety #royalty au

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