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#aughghhhhhhhh. yeah. human emotion. love for my boyfriend who is beautiful and loving and charming and funny and talented. ueh
lycanthian
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4 months
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#i am so in love its unreal. never have i ever before felt this wealth of human emotions so concentrated over the past month and a week
#genuinely mind boggling how talking to logan more and more and then dating him has literally made me feel likr a new man.
#not that im different or that i absolutely need him to function in my day to day life
#but its the richness that being in love brought to my life that was unexpected
#i had a thing with another online friend like 4 yrs ago and it never felt like much admittedly. i almost gave up dating when he broke it off
#bc i thought there was something to online dating that wasnt cutting it and i didnt stand a chance at meeting someone irl
#and that entire time i knew logan at least a little bit but we didnt really begin talking often until like
#6 months ago maybe? and just the more we talked the more we clicked ajd i liked him so much but i was so afraid that it wouldnt be mutual
#and i was so afraid that even if he is in what feels like a pretty open polycule hed never ask me out or anything
#and then he did and my world felt like it exploded into a cacophony of colors and sounds and feelings and emotions
#like something had been unlocked in me that hadnt been touched in years. my ability to love.
#and with that came some of the most upsetting spiraling intense depressive states of my life. but it was okay. it still is okay.
#its only been a bit over a month but it feels like so much more than that bc i feel like everything is so much more vivid now
#i also think im beginning to take a very particular fondness to someone else in the cule but im so not stating who or expanding upon it
#he also makes me really happy but i dont think im ready to take that step yet. even if it would be a dream come true.
#i love what i have now and i dont want to complicate it yet.
#a extremely loving and charming boyfriend and a couple of other close friends who happen to also be dating him is good. its awesome
#i just. i dont know. i dont know how logan would feel abt it. i dont know abt how other guy would feel abt it.
#sometimes im not even sure how i would feel abt it
#aughghhhhhhhh. yeah. human emotion. love for my boyfriend who is beautiful and loving and charming and funny and talented. ueh
#i dont think he reads these rambles. sometimes i hope he does. sometimes i hope he doesnt. i love him so much
#i dont want to worry him with my shit constantly but it would also be nice to worry him with it occasionally
#logan if you see this i love you more than words could ever describe. im so happy that ur in my life and that you chose me to be in ur own
#gamey rambles
#💜
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