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75screamingtoads · 5 months

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I reached the transition goals I had as a younger teen (skinny transmasc with androgynous haircut who looks like he's dying)

Only to realize I would rather be a toned dude with long hair who looks like he knows how to cook

(also I only got to my "ideal" transition by being extremely unhealthy and hitting some of the worst points of my adult life so)

But for real I look in the mirror and think "wow. I'm exactly what I wanted when I was younger and now I don't recognize myself"

Like it is so painfully clear to me that I am unwell, and I don't like it

I'm doing better, I am getting better, but the circles under my eyes have formed little wrinkles I am fully aware will not go away when I'm better

I'm not upset about that, it's just kinda sad to me that it took getting this far to realize what I thought I wanted to look like wasn't what I wanted

I think I thought "I want to be a twink who looks like he's dying" because that's all I could ever see me becoming, not because I actually wanted it

That and there's a weird push for transmasc to fit certain molds and I didn't see myself in any of the other molds other than this one so I settled

#the unholy system #transman #transgender #trans #trans man #transmasc #transmasculine #nonbinary #sort of #gender is complicated #im a man mostly #male adjacent if you will #not a demi boy #not nonbinary #but a secret more sinister (confusing) 3rd option

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souldagger · 2 months

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you'll have one joke post complaining abt old misogynistic scifi blow up and years later you'll still get people reblogging it with tags like "why i don't touch scifi." hey. im at your door with a pile of scifi in my hands. i'll lovingly read ursula k le guin or octavia butler to you aloud myself. let me in let me in please please please please hello

#[throws up and dies]#.txt #books #man im really glad that the version of that post that mostly gets spread around these days #is the one with the 'for the love of god not all scifi is like that heres a bunch of scifi reading recs' addition 😭😭😭

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b4kuch1n · 8 months

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polymer broadcast signal hijack

#pikmin #captain olimar #ft. louie captain shepherd and collin #as well as #moss (pikmin)#watched a stream series of pikmin 4 (its frankenbugs' series) thats what this is about really #but mostly. I just love olimar. I just really enjoy that man #also this really got me flexing those bande dessinée muscles from back thens lol #Ive missed drawin with this kinda proportions... I should do it more #Im gonna draw an olimar to put in my wallet. I need to make my life harder to explain to strangers #I also wanna. add more details to his space suit. make it look more like real life space suit for fun & entertainment #man I enjoy the animals in pikmin so much. they really are just like. animals. theyre animals #its great I love how genuinely bug-lookin the bugs are even with the stylization. pikmin and pokemon are really good at that #would like to learn how to do that... sometimes in the future #oh yeah fun fact. my effort at cleaning up my undercut a few days ago went badly. right before I went to a family reunion thing for 2 days #so I was goin out of my mind at that event postin abt olimar bc I love him #and then. when I got home. I decided to shave my head instead of trying to fix the haircut again #and so the sequence of events becomes I post about olimar -> I enter my bald arc #I am okay with this. have a good night lads. binding books is actually really fun u should try it

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moeblob · 1 month

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So does he, Gallagher.

#honkai star rail #hsr blade #gallagher #i based this off of how many times i used funny soda man to help be a healer with his poppin soda pop in SU #and then blade constantly just being blade as usual #its normally him saying unnecessary to my actual healer but #i kept forgetting gallagher heals and i kept healing when i didnt even need to so TECHNICALLY yeah it was unnecessary #but the amount of times blade was the recipient......#i cant use like most of my newer units in story bc i cant ascend or i run out of leveling mats so i just #get them and toss them into simulated universe for funsies cause i can match their levels better #so thats where i tossed gallagher and he is genuinely fun to play as ? like i love his punches and kicks to start the battle #funny soda man is funny (to me) and im really behind in plot still #but last time i tried to play it on my laptop and got a kickass cutscene my laptop lagged and i couldnt even see it RIP to me #so now that its like ... me trying to play it on desktop ?#i mostly get on desktop for comms and if i do much else i feel like im slacking off even if i would take a break anyway #one day i can play more story plot stuff and actually meet the funny guys #also in case you know me for Not Having Boys in HSR i need to point out #i did pull Gallagher however same 10 pull got a 4 star girl copy for someone i never use and she is at e4 now cool #and i didnt even think of the irony as i started this i just like drawing blade and i wanted to draw gallagher #so when i already had the dialogue planned and am drawing i was like OH WAIT haha im funnier than i thought #(no i am not but we can pretend)

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always-a-joyful-note · 7 months

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Enstars sure is an experience. Did I miss anything?

#are you guys all okay? i definitely am not okay #this is not the type of media that i usually go for yet it is EXACTLY the type of media that i would like #so many gaps so many stories WAY TOO MUCH READING I DONT HAVE THE TIME #i know i missed a lot because ive only watched the anime and read the main music story up to ch 4 of the second part #and i have read some events stories that were free #and maybe one or two outside from translations #but like thats it #this is like reading orv and getting hit with its deep metas on human life and the importance of stories #but instead im being clobbered by the most deranged storylines known to man (and again. i read ORV and am a bsd fan)#this isnt fantasy but there is nothing realistic about enstars and i unfortunately am attached #every day i spiral into east asian media that gives me an aneurysm #bsd -> orv -> link click -> enstars....i wanna say they keep getting more unhinged but theyre all unhinged in different ways #anyway please help me....#enstars #ensemble stars #fandom spamdom #stuff i say #i will admit i am mostly into the game for the stories #a consistent gamer i am not #but to unlock the stories ill push back the animes i have to catch up on etc etc #again. please help me....#edit: updated to remove queerbaiting because apparently i dont know whats going on

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no-oneknowsmyname · 7 months

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Making a very important collection

#need more clips like these #ethoslab #hermitcaft #mcyt #posting mostly for me #needed these clips all in one place #was having a shit day but after watching these im immediately feeling a bit better #man has a contagious laugh and smile

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feenixmork · 7 months

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A couple quick drawings of my faves during ongoing Utena watching (have not drawn the actual best character yet (Chuchu))

#utena #revolutionary girl utena #juri arisugawa #wakaba shinohara #utena spoilers #revolutionary girl utena spoilers #i art 👍#loving it very much so far #except black rose arc #was not a fan #maybe upon rewatch i'll like it but fuck man #what a slog #no one does anything #while traumatic shit happens to them constantly #it's all in the end about Some Guy #wakaba episodes were mostly good though #same for juri and shiori's #like they were all good im concept #but ugh the execution

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tubbytarchia · 20 hours

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Please keep drawing traffic/hermit hybrids inaccurately because who cares, they look cool

I say this as an animal nerd, I love to implement biologically/anatomically accurate elements into hybrid designs where applicable, but Im not gonna ususally choose to do that over whatever I think looks visually appealing. I have my gripes and peeves with some popular hybrid design headcanons, but ultimately, please keep drawing them however you want to, because you can (and to piss haters off further, for fun)

Don't care if you headcanon Pearl as transfem, draw her with male moth antennae anyway. Don't care if avian Grian logically needs a second set of pectoral muscles, just slap those wings on there wherever you want. Gem's own skin featured antlers and female deer don't even grow them, aside from reindeers, which I'm willing to wager was not what Gem was thinking or cared about. Keep drawing her with huge antlers

I don't know who needs this reminder but these are fantasy hybrids. Our inspirations in drawing them are based in reality but no fucking avian or hooved or dog people exist. A person with huge moth wings isn't realistic to begin with so who cares if you give her some antennae too. If you do you need to get a hobby

#blabber #trafficblr #hermitblr #transfem Pearl headcanons valid asf but I dont personally headcanon that and Im not letting that stop me #and as I said I have my own peeves but those are mostly for me and my friends to mull over in private lol #like come on man #I didnt get anon hate or anything but just seeing one too many posts like this going around again #pearlescentmoon #geminitay #grian

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gncrezan · 7 months

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thoroughly enjoying @infamous-if so here's sketchdump of my post-read doodles before i run through it once again!!!!!!!!!

#p2 seven and aki are singing simple season h/ippo campus :)#slash is only in there so i dont clog the main band tag up !! i love them dearly i listened to lp3 drawing these #esp bc boys. is such a song for him .#infamous #infamous if #akihiro yasumi #seven lawless #there are more people here but i am not strong enough to tag everyone. sorry #also please don't be fooled by what looks like me leaning towards seven. aki is about to pipebomb all his relationships #mostly by flirting w anything that moves and being the most sagittarius man of ALL TIME!!!!!#also im enjoying his stage name w regards to his backstory #akihiro wanting to keep his private life as private as possible bc he believes there is like #a persona that he has to project as a singer. and it should be his love for the craft that his fans see #also akihiro: and i will make my stage name quite literally mean empty house in japanese #'somebody FOLLOW ME i'm DISTRAUGHT' sort of energy #my art #edit: adjusted the picture just slightly cause i realised exported it odd...

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napolean-but-cringe · 7 days

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People keep talking about the whimpering horror podcast men and how distracting it can be but as a (maybe) asexual person, all I ever heard were men in pain. Other people find the whimpering weirdly erotic while I hear a guy in desperate need of a Hospital and a Therapist

#“Hahah he is whimpering so much people will think Im listening to porn”#he is in immense amounts of physical and emotional pain?????#if it wasnt clear this is mostly about Jonathan Sims and Arthur Lester since those are the 2 I know get mentioned the most #but feel free to think about anyone else #also im not hating #sexualize that man #god knows he needs a break from the torture #tag time #the magnus archives #tma #jonathan sims #tma jonathan sims #malevolent #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #malevolent arthur #podcasts #horror podcast

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ash-and-starlight · 1 year

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Do you have any really specific and/or personal Zukka headcanons that you’d be okay with sharing? I eat up every hc you put into your drawings like they’re candy, I was wondering if you had any others :D :D

OH boii i sure have,,, nothing coherent is coming to mind atm so ill just expose my Extensive backstories of zukka bethrotal armbands that idk if i will find a way to sneak into art.

sokka’s armband for zuko is forged back at Piandao’s mansion, and it's one of the most fine stunning pieces of jewelry ever crafted. it’s not the usual southern ivory but metal, more similar to the armbands worn as an accessory in the fire nation. it’s made of intertwining bands of gold and black meteor metal, with patterns of waves and dragon scales that seem to ripple and move when the light catches on them just right. and the pendant is a traditional blue stone from the swt.

There are no particular engagement gifts traditions in the fn, so zuko goes on a deep dive into southern water tribe ones, asking sokka’s family and friends about jewelry making and learning to engrave over the course of several trips to the swt. He makes sokka’s armband with ivory from his own first (successful) solo hunt. i’m not sure abt the material of the pendant lmao maybe gold? but amber would also be cool methinks

as for the pendant engraving they display a unique single braincell moment (untrue i just want them to match). love the fact that both of them are sea savvy navigators, love to think that in their pining era they spent a lot of time watching the stars and showing each other the different constellations and navigation pointers of their nations, so in both of their armbands’ stones are depicted the constellation used to guide sailors back home, sokka engraving the swt’s one on zuko’s armband and vice versa.

if they were sun’s out guns out kinda guys before this only gets worse during the first weeks of their engagement. shirts are banned. everyone look at the bethrotal armbands NOW.