#but im not Invested and i dont really have the time or energy to get invested in streams again
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i fear i will never stop being abnormal about dsmp
#on account of never consuming new medias mostly#also just#nothing will ever compare for me i think#like#ya that characters cool but they are NOT ctubbo#i need something else to be abnormal about man .our numbers r dwindling#i wish i could be insane and abnormal abt qsmpbut truly. i mostly lost interest after juanaflippa died#im like a passive enjoyer and i like seeing my friends talk abt it#but im not Invested and i dont really have the time or energy to get invested in streams again#ough.literally a guy who hates most shows/movies but cant watch streams anymore.#catboo.txt#i need someone 2 drag me kicking and screaming into a new media until i start getting invested
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You know what I think is so....there's such a pseudo respect for science on this website specifically but - just like in many societies generally - only when it speaks with authority. And yeah, the scientific method is how we're trying to find out truth about things, so we can base our decisions on this truth. At one point - you're gonna have to speak with some authority based on the research that has been done. But. So many people - in society and on this website - have not studied to become scientists. They have not learned about the scientific method. So all they see is apparently - science as authority. But science as authority is a consensus. 'Consensus' reached by multiple individual scientists who are no longer in major disagreement because so much research has been done that it SEEMS LIKE we're on to something. And yet, even then, everything may turn out to be wrong. Because people have been fabricating results for example (happened really seriously within the field of psychology) or because it turned out that most studies' methods or assumptions were less rigorous or accurate than desirable (lookin askance at economics) or the classic paradigm shift in physics where some whole new set of ideas topples earlier ones. It seems like we've reached a pretty solid idea of things. But when is that point? Very few people have been taught to recognise it. Which requires actually reading/scanning studies. Or at least good summaries. Getting a sense of what the landscape of ideas is. What are major theories and assumptions and results? (In uni, you get handed this in a course). More importantly, what is missing?? Once you go digging into any subject it generally turns out there's more gaps in understanding and especially empirical results WITH good methods than what's actually known. In uni, you're taught to recognise how researchers might have fucked up (at least, they attempt to teach this). What's solid stuff? What's rigorous research? What is valid and reliable? When is something TRUE? Here comes my personal opinion: if there's not 3- 10 citations behind a statement then you're knitting a web of maybes together. Actually it's NOT just my personal opinion, it's a major problem in scholarship and science that scientists are NOT reproducing studies because they are not rewarded for it - when the scientific method REQUIRES reproduction of results for any kind of robust 'truth' to emerge.
But most people are simply 100% not taught about HOW our societies make truth (emerge) - or rather how scientists should be doing this. They are delivered truth by the authority: science. But the nature of the scientific process delivers differing narratives, theories, hypotheses, especially until a kind of consensus is reached. So people take one study and run with it. Or 7 wildly differing studies which seem to be about the same thing but really aren't. And that's not even non-uni-educated people only, I've seen plenty of paper-publishing people knit their stuff together that way. Sometimes that's all the information there is! But though scientists are taught to point to the sources of information for statements they make - that doesn't mean that everything published is Fact. Most discussions of results would acknowledge this strenuously. Still, they're often cited that way if it suits the narrative of the paper pointing at them.
My point? Wish people would be MORE skeptical of 'science'. What? I hear you ask? More crazies who don't listen to reason? No - I just wish more people would have access to and the means to and the desire to and have respect for doing one's own research with the scientific method as FALLIBLE BUT ENDLESSLY SELF- ADJUSTING TRUTH-SEEKING MECHANISM in the backs of their minds. Which means reading. Literally just means reading, and staying critical, and recognising when things are not nearly ready to be called TRUTH yet at all and when things ARE ready to be called TRUTH (looking at climate change and its human causes and the major consensus on this).
What I mean is - again - wish people would actually read studies. Wish this was a thing taught to every child in secondary school. Otherwise you get people pointing at 30 studies about completely different arguments / completely different scope that lead back to about three studies of actual results eventually which didn't have amazing methods. And that's TRUTH and anyone who denied this Substantiated Common Sense is a moral idiot. Maybe let's do some rigorous testing first and then some pilots.
#genuinely dont think that the major truth -seeking process should be comprehensibly taught to only those people who might#do research in the future. should be taught to every citizen.#my stuff#personal#do i think that after having researched nuclear power plants four times 'superficially' i know whether its good or bad to invest in?#no#maybe the risks are overstated or maybe the risk is minimal and worth it maybe waste CAN be managed well despite historical#problems. maybe the risk of a huge national security risk and international health risK REALLY IS worth it BECAUSE#tech HAS developed enough and responsibility risks can be prevented eniugh that emissionless energy output for 30 years will be essential#do i know? no. and obviously im skeptical#but i never deny that there is a possibility i just need to get a clearer picture by actually looking at some actual literature#maybe its gonna save the damn world! who knows#not me#people r so bad at not knowing
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i did like the hidden palace but (SPOILER if anyone hasn't read it?) i'm genuinely so annoyed at how Arbeely is handled like... I wish i could be sad but i'm just fucking irritated. I was overly invested in him and that's def why but i just feel like they did him dirty
#the golem and the jinni#i was scrolling goodreads and the take i kept seeing was 'oh I wish Arbeely could've had his family too bad the jinni FUCKED IT UP'#but idk that's just not how i read him. like thats not where i feel the problem is#his whole shtick is being content as the jinni's foil and like! things can change! but the way it's done leaves him totally unresolved#which in turn means the jinni's shit is also never getting resolved because there is like no way to#when Arbeely describes his future family in the first book it's all 'someday... vaguely...' and AGAIN! what you want can change!#and honestly it's really interesting and sad that he makes this sacrifice for the jinni#but it's a layer of complexity that like clashes with how little he is there for and how little the author's invested in him#and like the way the no marriage literally did not ruin his life at all... sure it sucked but the man is still like idk rich#what has continuously fucked with him throughout both books is that he wants (or at least spends half his page time thinking about)#emotional connection to the jinni in a human way#which is something the jinni cant\wont give him even though he's basically Arbeely's only close friend#(besides ig maryam who was rlly funny hinting at her dislike for the jinni like someone trying to get their friend to dump their toxic bf)#anyway the vibe in the first book is that he only thinks about wanting a wife when the jinni is being a dickhead#BECAUSE the jinni eases arbeelys loneliness by just being there because at the end of the day that's what humans need#but then it's made really weird in the second book by Arbeely getting 'trapped' by the jinni (and yet they just grow further apart)#which means that the only thing arbeely actually spent half his life discontent with and then literally died without is not a wife#it's emotional intimacy with the jinni. which is insane to me#arbeely is obviously already tragic but this seems TOO tragic entirely because the book doesn't give af about addressing it#if it was like a plot thing then all of the above would be fine and gutwrenching because it ties back into the jinnis self isolation#BUT IT'S NOT. like i get arbeely isn't that important to the plot but he was important to the jinni and the jinni was important to him#alsoo necessarily disclaimer i'm not trying to say he's in love with the jinni or anything like that#although a queer arbeely (divorced from the above idea) would also been interesting cuz I dont think the jinni has a grasp on homophobia#so idk theyd be keeping each others secrets (arbeely x the biscuit man? JOKE)#BUTTTT! I don't believe he needs romantic energy! him and the jinni having awful vibes up until arbeely's literal death is what bothers me#The jinni is a bad communicator ik but come on... not once? not even before the diagnosis? The jinni also thinks about how distant they are#could they not talk a little? for me? there are ways to do it within the bounds of their characters FOR SURE#im sure this is the point but i do dislike it either way. anyway sorry arbeely u remind me of my uncle#the hidden palace
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Exam week dn. now i'm going sleep, see ya with fics next.
#🔮.mm.. text#ive got quite a few Criminal minds fic ideas to write#also the requests mb ill be able to finally get them done as well now that i have nothing to really worry about#when it comes to academic texts i mean#also i have few random drafts about headcanons for spiderverse! reader i forgot about#then theres few other random thoughts i had to draft maybe ill let them loose for the moment so i dont appear completely dead here lol#im still very invested in the spiderverse au i made might actually start writing more for it again after the requests#when i get the interest and energy to do so.#i dont even remember what else there were in my tumblr's drafts after i stopped writing all my fics relying only on the draft function#too many times have i needed to start again because tumblr pissed under it and decided to stop playing nicely on mobile
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so guess what they released more interviews and i think given what a writing shitshow totk was and what they have been saying in all these interviews is actually painting a really bad picture; i dont have the time, nor the energy to go over every detail
but they were commenting on people wanting the more linear format back and aonuma himself basically said that he thinks people who feel like that do so only bc of nostalgia and "Why do you want to go back to a type of game where you're more limited or more restricted in the types of things or ways you can play?"
what .. the fuck, more freedom DOESNT automatically mean better??? like ... restriction can be a GOOD thing just as tooo much freedom can be BAD?? like in totk??? are you fukcing shitting me- what the hell are games even for then, has he had an awakening to the fact that he actually just loves sandbox games without realizing it???? im not playing fucking zelda for a sandbox, especially not when its advertised as a somethign else
its pretty clear that they want to keep this format going with everything they say there, ... maybe it really is over huh
also i hate how they kept talking around answering anything about story/lore; they go asked how ganondorf even connects to ganon since theres nothign about it in game, and all they got out was welllll we dont wanna say anything bc its up to the player; about every question you got the answer of "make somethign up yourself" which is just ... its really clear they dont actually care but dont want to say everything is meaningless actually, so they try to be vague about it and with doing that really just confirm they didnt think about it and they dont care- so no lore actually matters, nothing thats been said or established has any meaning bc they will get rid of it the second it crosses paths with their new -more freedom equals better- philosophy, they say its bc they want you to be "free" to think up anything but apparently dont realize that when there are no rules, no consistent lore or anything that it ROBS it, it stops having meaning, its fun to connect dots only when there are rules you need to work with and dots to connect in the first place, when you have an established world with its restrictions it drives you to think more creatively about things- but when there are no rules?? its fucking boring!! thats what it is!!
when you discard all rules i wont care to get invested into anything bc i know it will not be considered again, be done away with without any reason and wont have influence on coming or previous games ... bc there are no rules, anything is possible and everything can be changed any second, so nothing matters
(they also talked about the many viral videos of those very few dedicated people that make godzilla mechs in totk and how happy they are about that- i get that to some extent, but the way they kept talkign about it really just felt like it confirmed my suspicion that that whole mechanic was mainly implemented to let people do that since that gets shared around en masse making it seem like that is why people enjoy it while neither the game nor the narrative are build around it in any way ..)
it just makes all the time i spend thinking, feeling and theorizing about zelda like a true waste of time, bc nothing matters and there are no rules-
i am someone who greatly enjoys working with and around established lore/rules, its fun to me to recontextulize things by being smart or creative with it all without breaking anything or as little as possible of the established things!
if i wanted to do just do anything i want I COULD HAVE ALREADY DONE THAT bc theres nothing actually stopping anyone to just make up what they want! i DONT need canon to lose all rules for that??!!
maybe ill have to make myself believe the franchise ended with botw on a good note ... ono
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rants#sorry for sounding so agressive about this#but its making me so mad#also someone said to me that they literally admitted to not have an actual writer for totk???#(or someone that has no connection to anything zelda before this??)#which i couldnt find myself but#it would make so much sense if true#like ... yeah if there werent any people dedicated for the narrative and it was jsut cool looking moment tacked on cool looking moment#or someone that has no idea of anything of the past ... including botw ... yeah .. yeah it does feel like that#it makes me so sad#and also like i have to come to terms with this franchise being practically dead to me now#just when i was about to start working on chapter 2#can they please stop doing interviews when all they do is fuck it up more#(* ￣︿￣)
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pick a card - how you can find balance
Hello everyone! today's pick a card will focus on:
-what you're placing all your energy into, what you're neglecting and how you can find more balance in between everything you're taking on at the moment. take a deep breath and allow your intuition to guide you towards your pile!!
pile one
what you're focusing on- page of wands and king of coins, Saturn in Scorpio
for you guys im seeing a focus on growth, expansion and exploring new ideas. youare wanting to grow your money and maximize your potential, not only with money you have the potential to make but money you already have whether it be savings, inheritance, loans, investments. you're pouring your energy into ambition and practicality and achieving financial freedom. intuitively i feel like this pile wants to achieve great things at a young age, you feel that you are destined for entrepreneurship, or making bold career moves that are risky but still grounded in reality. so overall pile one, you're energy is being poured into your longterm stability and financial freedom, especially financial freedom that is achieved through inheritance, investments, trading, traditional methods such as stocks or selling something.
what you're neglecting- nine of pentacles
Overall, the Nine of Pentacles suggests that you may be neglecting essential aspects of self-care, financial management, and appreciating the abundance that is already around you. you're being encouraged to find a balance between working towards your goals and taking time to enjoy life's simple pleasures. in the pursuit of finding financial freedom at a young age and achieving long term stability, you may be stifling social relationships too. pile one, its more than ok to pour more energy into your friendships, you can work towards your goals while still enjoying life's simple pleasures. your friends may miss you, dont listen to online creators who tell you that you can go out and have fun while striving towards an extraordinary lifestyle. longterm stablity may be difficult but it doesnt have to be miserbale or lonely.
pile two
what you're focusing on- the hanged man, the ten of swords, mecury in libra
the Hanged Man and the Ten of Swords together suggest that your energy is being poured into surrendering to, accepting, and embracing change. You may be in a period of transformation, releasing old patterns, and finding wisdom in challenging experiences. im feeling shadow work vibes, meditating on your fears and triggers to find the root of them. i feel like this energy is specifically demonstrating you placing a ''halt' on your fears to really examine every angle of them. im seeing the image of a spider creating a web, and one day they just stop to sit in what they've created before continuing to make their web. This combination of cards encourages you to be patient, with your life's direction, to find meaning in the journey. any delays or setbacks happening right now are trying to get you to stop, like the spider has, to exmaine where you are and what your triggers are, to build a foundation of something you ahve to know what the foundation is. i feel strongly that you're also being halted to examine your friendships and assoications before webbing a foundation in them. i also think that this pile is pouring energy into deciphering what media is influencing you and how its effecting you mentally, as well as how your words influence others, how your words effect your mind and reality. you could be getting into affirmations and manifestation.
what you're neglecting- the 6 of pentacles
you may not like hearing this, but you're neglecting fair, and balanced exchanges of energy, time and resources. The Six of Pentacles indicates that you may be neglecting the balance between giving and receiving. It's important to assess if you are being too generous to others at the expense of your own well-being or if you are hesitant to receive help or support from others when needed. or alternatively, are you not aware of how much you're expecting from others without giving in return?
pile three
what are you focusing on- three of cups and two of cups, mars in aries
friendships, close connections, building bonds, creating loving and harmonious relationships. you're pouring your energy into the more emotional, social aspect of life. i also feel that you're energy is going towards being emotionally vunerable and open in your relationships, you're placing emphasis on giving people quality time, sharing moments of openness, building mutual bonds with people. i also feel that there is also of impulsiveness going on, i think while you are pouring energy into a deeper bond, you're going head over heels, this feels like emotional compulsion to go 100 percent in on someone. i also keep getting the message about you being in a social group or friendgroup in which you break off into a partnership with someone in that group, and instead of balancing your time and energy between everyone, you're impulsively poring your emotional energy into one person. that wont resonate with everyone though.
what you're neglecting- 4 of pentacles
stability, solid foundations. the Four of Pentacles advises you to avoid neglecting areas related to financial generosity, planning, adaptability, and emotional connections. This card can indicate that you might be neglecting to embrace change or holding onto outdated financial beliefs or habits. It's essential to be open to new ideas, adapt to evolving financial circumstances, and be willing to make necessary adjustments. this card may also be coming up to signal that you're holding too tighly on something and neglecting everything else in pursuit of holding onto one thing, in your case, a relatiosnhip or bond with someone.
#tarot meanings#tarot pac#pick a card#pick a card tarot#pac tarot#tarot pick a pile#pick a pile#divine feminine#divine masculine#tarot predictions#pick a photo#pick an image#law of abundance#loa#lowtumblr#tarot community#tarot services#pick a card reading#astro notes#tarot cards#tarot deck#pick a picture#pick a pile reading#tarot pick a card#manifestingmindset#manifestion#law of assumption#affirmations#tarot readings#tarot
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another update. love that for me
hey guys, dan here again!!! wanted to give another update on progress!
so if you follow my main you know im also working on other stories/comics at the same time as dpgii! my dbz oc comic "mirrors" is my current baby that im putting most of my time into. having said that, i kind of..havent been working on any doppelganger pages x'D but theres more to it than just being occupied with another comic, which is what i wanted to talk about!
the original plan for dpgii was that i was going to just do the entirety of chapter 1 as a comic and then stop, allowing everyone to read the fic afterward once they got a taste of the story. then i realized i didnt have the energy or interest to invest into a full chapter, so i decided to compromise with saying i'd do a small scene from each chapter instead. THEN i realized i dont have the motivation for even THAT much...and i left it at the first five pages.
i guess that's where i'm at right now? im kinda lowkey getting back into danny phantom for reasons i kinda talked about on main a while back, so my interest in dpg has been on and off rather than just..off x'D but ive been considering at LEAST, if nothing else, drawing the one scene i was excited for--or...i guess in this case, the whole chapter. chapter 5! it has the most action and the most drama--just like the og comic--and i was really looking forward to drawing it!
so im thinking i might do that :] however this could change too..so i dont want to promise anything! apologies if any of u were excited for a full comic or even little snippets 🙏 its just hard to invest so much time and energy into something i only have a little bit of interest in..as much as i genuinely love it
i guess as a reminder, my main is @eirian, my art blog is @dansaiyanart, and my other currently-running comic blogs are @mirrorscomic and @villain-school! also, the FULL SEQUEL is available as a fic here if you'd like to read what i had planned!
the future of doppelganger is uncertain, but it will always be important to me u_u <3 thank you all so much for the support youve given over the years, it means the actual world to me and was the reason i started making comics beyond doppelganger at all!
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This ask isn't directly for Wilbur or the blog, but rather the person who runs this. A bit of an ooc ask about world building and expanding this universe since I'm invested
Are we as the audience perceived as people in this universe watching this show/documentary about Utah at our homes, sending in questions via telephone. Or are we just random people that show up in the gas station and keep coming back one by one at random times to talk about the "Dabi cosplayer". (I'd like the imagine the second one; just a but of faceless people pressed up against the glass outside asking the weirdest questions. Fits the vibe)
Do you, the owner of this blog, have a part to play in the universe? Are you the director to the show, a main camera man, or something else.
The fanart that's made for this blog, I'd like to imagine it's—again—just faceless people running up and slapping drawings they make on the convince store windows and running off, leaving the producers and Wilbur with it. Stuff like that :]
Im gonna be honest I said I was gonna do author q&a today specifically so I could answer this ask because I feel weird just answering it willy-nilly
I tend to be... pretty bad at storytelling. I always get wayyy too into my own head, and things get so complicated to a degree where only I can understand whats going on, which is something im obviously trying very hard to avoid. However I don't wanna sacrifice the story I want to tell, so I'm just doing my best here.
One of the biggest limitations right now is that I'm just struggling to explain exactly how the world works/the translation between "Utah" and irl/us. The biggest ones are time and what exactly is being aired, because obviously it doesn't take one whole day to answer two questions, but I don't have the energy to answer more than two q's per day. And of course the 'film crew' arent actually filming Wilbur while he's sleeping or anything like that, but it's hard to tell the story I want to tell without having scenes like that. Im hoping that things will get smoother as we go, but for now I've just been making it so that episodes that dont have 'transcript's in them aren't filmed (or have "artist rendition" notes), and lets say that even though its been over a month of answering questions for us, it's only been two or three weeks for wilbur.
As for what you guys are, you're viewers who are calling in from home! Kinda like a radio show. No one is physically showing up to the store or his house (that would be really funny though). I did have some scrapped ideas that I may bring back later about the film crew, but for now "they" dont have any deeper place in the story. I'm the camera man, I guess! I've been imagining it as just some guy with a camera in one hand, a headset to listen to calls, and a little paper pad to write down answers.
There are 886 asks in the inbox right now! Not all of them are asks, some of them are just comments about whats happening (which I love, I <3 hearing what you guys think) but unfortunately I can't answer all of them. I have a general outline so whenever I do pick story/plot asks, its ones that fit that outline, and every other time I just try to be funny.
nor/mal
(jk. he/they/xe)
I was typing out the whole story and reasoning behind the pictures I chose but it was getting way too long (because I ended up going down a rabbit hole). Basically I found an old blog from 2010 where a girl had posted a picture of her room, it was a very positive post so I didn't think it would be offensive to use it (also there's a comment from 2016 on the blog post asking if the image can be used as reference, no reply, the author of the blog has not logged in for years). The bathroom was made in the Sims 4/I used pictures of my own dorm bathroom
smoked a blunt in the woods and thought about cwilbur's character arc a little too hard
im shy 👉👈
fucks me up that people continue to think about this blog after liking/reblogging
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It'll sound weird I know and I'm sorry that I come anonymously but with how things are, I dont want to get bullied by others for saying it. But as much as I do not appreciate your art, I've had the opportunity to talk to you and you're one of the nicest people in this fandom. You really distinguish yourself like that. Im on multiple platforms so I see a lot of the harassment you go through. Truth is, what makes me mad is that people are getting bullied for having anything to do with you, for *fictional characters*, but I've never seen anyone invest this energy for the actual bad stuff that happen and that are perpetuated in this community. Only a small community of fans raises their finger when there's blatant misogyny or racism for example. And those concern real people, the band itself or other fans that fall victim of them. I do not personally support your art, but I find it very easy to not follow you. And if I was severely offended by it, I'd simply block you. Also how are you responsible if people repost your pieces ?
Ghost fandom will make a fuss about someone they don't like instead of just blocking, but will turn their eyes when there's a bigger problem. The fiction is somehow far more important for ghost fans than actual problems that affect real breathing people. The hypocrisy and audacity are disgusting. They're here doxxing people and threatening them on platforms while acting like they're on the right side.
Major respect for you, still being there after all of that.
I gotta agree with the whole “fiction is more important” aspect that they have.
What irks me is that when I was on Twitter again some time ago , I followed my friends like what a normal person would do right? And they would actually harass my friends. Who did nothing but just followed me.
Like they didn’t even post art, or anything. It’s just that they see that I’m one of their mutuals and the attack starts. I deactivated Twitter because I don’t want anybody to attack my friends just because they have something to do with me.
It’s a weird place isn’t it that when people didn’t get their priorities straight and think that what they are doing are good when in fact it’s straight up harmful.
I really don’t mind if people didn’t like my art, I’m not the one going into people’s DM and start sending hate messages.
I just wish they stop hurting others just because of the “oh you know that guy? Well you’re a terrible person” that’s insanity
I stayed because there are people who matters here and I just want others who don’t follow their style of HCs to know that hey it’s ok if you don’t follow canon, not everybody in the fandom is like that.
Also because I’m stubborn as fuck lol and no teens are gonna throw me off a fandom because of hate mails
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a lot of times i feel like i need aftercare after just masturbating because i end up Going There in my thoughts in order to come. do you experience this too? if so, other than finding a human to talk to afterwards, do you have advice on this?
I do experience this! Because what I am into is very intense and heady, I often feel really weird and dysregulated after jacking off and do something in the way of aftercare.
The first thing I do, truth be told, is remove myself from whatever screens I was using, take any gear or restraints or clothing off, and then pace around the house for a few minutes talking to myself, going "Ugh!!! Ugh!!" or "what the fuck! what the fuck was that!" or "that was a good one god damn" or "wow im so fucking insane" or narrating out the end of whatever scenario i was locked into. or even repeating mantras relevant to what i was just doing. it really helps me to verbalize whatever im feeling in that moment, to mentally offload excess energy and begin to gear shift.
then i stand naked in the kitchen for a while drinking a cold glass of water and begin talking to myself more in the way i usually do when im not in a headspace. this usually involves hyping myself up into tackling the next objective for the day. so ill say things like "okay, now we need to vaccuum the carpet and THEN we will lay out an outfit for the party later" or "its time to get out of the house and get some sunshine, man" or "shit we forgot to send that email".
then, if nothing on the agenda for the day is too urgent, i'll usually curl up like a goblin with some snacks and a youtube video. aldi spicy salmis and brie cheese and nick diramio clip breakdown videos are favorite staples. cereal and mike mgtv's videos about bartending and queer bar culture are fun, frothy distractions too. if it's night time ill also curl up in a fuzzy blanket and maybe a stuffed toy.
i also sometimes like to wake my brain back up by reading something mildly intellectually stimulating but concrete, and not *too* demanding of long attention. something kind of practical and grounded and nonsexual. so like, ill scroll the r/amateurinteriordesign page on reddit or r/vanlife to look at the various homes people have made in small spaces, or ill check my favorite investment blog. nothing too heady or abstract.
after ive cooled down for a bit, like an hour or something, then ill be ready to put clothing on and maybe act like a human. a walk outdoors also helps once im not jittery or dissociated. but i find i dont want to engage with anybody or have to pretend to be a person until ive had adequate time to down regulate and savor the headspace i was in.
thanks for asking this question anon, i thought i might be unusual for being like this so it's nice to hear someone else goes through this too. honestly the recovery time and the fact a need for it exists is a big part of the fun! it helps reveal just how genuinely intense the experience and headspace actually was.
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okay palisade 27 thoughts
Lots happening this episode!!
MOTIONNNNN!!! Huge fan of motion coming back. The motion scream appearing since the beginning, the motion engines....even back in partizan, it always felt like she was meant to come back, and i LOVE how this is being done. the images were so good.
I like Dust! I like Occam Olio. I like the Us doppelgangers and "they are not dead. they do not leave the tunnels."
Seeing Jesset again also makes me sooooo happy thats my BOY i am jesset fan numero UNO and unfortunately he did get his ass kicked completely but he was cute while he did it and badass.
Elle showing up was beyond exciting! i love to see her!!!
"no one's PRO-Motion" Art has NOT been speaking to my mutuals
Longer thoughts: The big narrative swings (not talking lucia (which i love also) bc that was last ep) were SO cool i love how immediately invested art got in the motion clock, im obsessed with the choices, jesset being put in mortal peril was honestly very fun for me (tragedy enjoyer who loves to mourn their faves)
it really is brutal how authority sweeps every faction turn. on the one hand, I think there is a really good sense of weight and scale here; the authoritarian rulers of a whole planet are not weak and easily toppled, it would be worse if they were always getting beat.
On the other hand, I don't love the way they're going about it. Art backing away from Occam having a character moment SPECIFICALLY because he didn't want to roll and lose a pillar (especially in comparison to keith rolling when he didn't need to duing the stellar combustor arc) was so disappointing. it just felt like a worse story and less fun play. I did not like that at all.
Even though the sense of "the authority is huge and complex and every victory will be a struggle" is good to me and i prefer it, it kind of sucks to feel like the blue channel only faction that DOES anything (even baseline/violet cove mission was mostly a success even though they took the baseline L) Like gucci saying "what do you think we do all day?" girl i think they had your number!! you people are seeming pretty unhelpful!!! i would like it if not just Our Heroes but the entire organization were pulling their weight.
The final thing that occurred to me during the first conflict with jade kill and then got solidified later with art is i think its a huge problem that Hexagon doesnt have more named characters. Blank Shore and Occam Olio and SIlverbrick, the attendants of Gentian, all the higher ups of the Bilats, they have all gotten screen time and exploration and interest from the players. By contrast, most of the named Hexagon members pre-exist the faction games, and they are a lot less fleshed out. The twilight mirage character jack mentioned didnt even get a name. they dont care about them, and we have no one To care about.
So i think in the end i like all the narrative turns this took in terms of big swings and choices, but the energy is leaving me feeling kind of disappointed and uninvested in the individual dice rolls and events and attempts. like i enjoy what they do with the outcomes, but getting to the outcomes this week felt pretty :/ I just wish they would care about the cause too!!! i like what they do with authority but i like the cause and i feel like we dont know them at ALL!
our one former exception was baldwin home who was an outside perspective who deepened the connection a lot, and now he's dead, so like, they've all just become pieces on a board instead of people.
#leaving mostly happy but happiness isnt as conducive to writing out thoughts. happiness just makes me go wheeeeeeeeeeee#i did like the episode i had fun i gasped i yelled. but overall theres some stuff i am tired of thats making it#less fun i guess
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Just falling into this blog out of nothing (tumblr recommended it for me) and saw your meat/nutrition thoughts. I was vegetarian for about a year and then vegan for two. I was like you, losing energy, and also fully aware of the fact that i dont know shit about nutrition and also didn't really have the interest of learning either. I was vegan of ethic reasons but also from the fact that I don't like to eat meat, its just a yucky feeling to chew on something that once was alive.
However, I ended up starting eating cheese. Then eggs. Then red meat because I figured I needed the iron.
Now I eat like "everyone else" again, just still less meat on average, but I feel so much better.
Just thoughts from someone that could see herself in your words ❤️
hey! thanks for sharing.
i think its important to prioritize your health above ideals especially when you cannot invest the time to get informed or dont really care for it (im just like you honestly)
i never tried to go vegan and i dont think i could manage to do so in the near future, but going back to meat is something that even though i understand the choice in others, i cannot really support in myself... but frankly this comes from someone whose self regard is reaaally subpar. i guess for now im just fine with having no energy all day and living on caffeine (childish, lets see what the future holds).
but im thinking of going to try and get some vitamin receipts 🤍! but honestly i fully support the detransition from vegan i think its really important to figure for yourself what works and what isnt for your own health, its not just about ideals its also about having a structure that helps you remain healthy following them.
i think the veg community doesnt have enough spreads of information about this because its a community that spends all their time defending themselves and trying to convince eat-meaters that its "easy" and "totally the same thing" and that does not affect you "that drastically" in terms of nutrition, which is a lie, but since its such a huge stereotype of vegetarianism and its so recurrent to be heard of i understand why so much effort goes into trying to debunk it. i just wish there was also an effort to promote nutritional education in bit-sized pieces and actual articles on nutrition to avoid certain risks. for example its true that people who do not eat fish have a bigger risk of developing dementia due to a certain compound mostly found in fish. its true that teeth fall easier. its just what it is. better than hiding those pieces of information, we ought to try to find ways to remedy them for people who wish to choose that diet.
but yeah honestly reducing on meat consumption is already a big thing by itself. if most people reduced, itd be far easier to control its effects. personally i just find the taste and the texture would gross me out after so many years without it!
#also when its a morality thing...#one ought to be careful with certain things#eating meat doesnt equal being a bad person... we are talking about centuries and centuries of eating animals we cannot just expect everyon#to adjust to these ideas at the same time in the same generational era...#its just silly it angers me vegetarian / vegan advocates who easily accuse others of immorality based on meat consumption#most people are ignorant. some have to eat meat. there are families to feed where its easier to grill 12 hamburgers and they get moreprotei#that way too#i think both meat-eaters and non meat-eaters should be more empathetic to each other theres a lot of hatred / stereotyping both ways
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ok 1 menty b for me
i dont know. i think its just always been so alienating. i think theres something wrong with me and its unfixable. and sometimes, if i cant have anything else, i just want at least the fucking chance to express that without people thinking even less of me. and ik in reality nobody even gaf or sees me. but i also know know that if they did, 9times out fo 10 people would be rolling their eyes. whatever. idk. i feel so lonely and i dont think im ever not going to be lonely and its never going to get better because even when given the resources, the opportunities i just can never manage . i just cant . i swear i try . but every single time. my whole fucking life . i just walk away from everything with even less, it feels like. and its getting so much harderand harder. and i dont know how to express it liek ... i fucking feel myself SEETHE as ppl keep insisting "theres still a chance! there's still hope!" like sure bro. but i dont want to fucking keep living my life along the fucking asymptote of getting consistently closer to dying alone but "haha technically its not a certainty" and . like theres just something so fucking repulsive about me and i just cant seem to fix it no matter what. and im so exhausted all the time. and i genuinely dont think theres any way out of that . i go to work and i come home so burnt out and tired. and people are nice there but i dont think i can really connect with anyone . i just cant seem to get close to people . and i dont have it within me to meet anyone else because im so fucking tired all of the time .
and even if i did and i mustered all the energy and spent all the little time i had left in the world i dont think theyd have time for me. not just bc nobody in their 20s does but also because i dont know . it just never seems to work . and i cant do it again where i try to invest every little piece of me into it when its jsut always left me fucking miserable and pathetic. bro do you know what i mean. not to be 16 and lame as shit still. i feel like im always the idiot ppl take pity on at best . i dont think ive ever been real to anybody. like alwaysssssss...... and even now i feel like every time I HAVE existed within circles of others. its literally 10 times out of 10 just constantly fighting to be included and seen as someone whos not a fucking joke and i just feel like such a fucking . loser for caring so much about it when. REALISTICALLY. pretty much all the people ive met in life will have forgotten i exist. and ok. ok. i just dont think ... like its not like some trait within me right like ... im not As melodramatic to be like oh . oh theres an actual innate trait within me thats activated and stops people liking me. just. the contrary like. i just think theres nothing within me to actually like . or to gravitate towards. so likeyeah sure . that makes sense. why WOULD you want to bother with someone whos just kinda hollow or whatever.. something something or other. and i kind of wish i was more resilient about tht. but i jsut . i guess as is a Guy of that Nature, its just ... im trying to fucking not fucking spiral but i just feel myself fucking filling up with fucking . miserable SHITTY bile or whatever because i just wish i felt normal or whatever. its such a fucking human fucking thing that other people can MANAGE. but i cant . its so so fucking hard and i cant do it and i cant handle it. and i just feel so angry sometimes anyways . bc i hate it . and i keep trying bc i wanna make peace with it because i know theres no out . like ive long since given up on ever thinking its going to work out . because nothing fucking helps but makes it so much worse . anyways. i dont know. but i dont know bro. it drives me fucking insane when people always spout some bs about how "haha everyone has someone! everyone will find someone! like no they dont no they wont . its so .. so much more isolating. or like "EVERYONEEE feels lonely sometimes" like HOW does that help. HOW. and it makes it so MUCH FUCKING WORSEEEE when people tell you about how lonely they are too!!! like cool . i dont have a chance then. sorry i know thats such a bitter bitch thing to say. but idk if it rlly matters like ... at the end of the day idc when ppl have partners. or people they talk to. family who loves them. and youre still lonely. cool. thank you for letting me know, dude. go back to the people who will look out for you and love you whilst i sit in the dark and not speak to anyone for weeks whilst not a single person would even notice im gone .
or like. bro. i dont think a single person has taken me seriously for long enough to ever fucking like me or hold me in enough regard to like... want to talk to me again nevermind like be with me in a certain sense so i jsut. i dont know. sits alone. every fucking day for years maybe. i dont know. i feel so fucking sad and angry knowing deep down that i can know all this and know its true but even then . i cant even have that . people wont even take THAT part of me seriouslyand think im just some fucking idiot whos not even trying. when i really reallyhave but its just so... worthless it feels like . it feels like im never getting anywhere and everyone thinks i just gave up when i didnt. and i dont know. thar makes it sound like people actually see me and really are laughing or something when i dont think its nearly that much. i think its like oh people see me make that as a snap judgement and i fall out of existence again. and i dont know. it shouldnt matter but i feel so fucking strung out and exist between these instances only and idk. idk bro. im trying to be okay with it. but as im getting older i just feel like theres so many more things that are revealing themselves as worse and worse. and im going crazy. im going crazzzzzzyyyy . whatever . insert the mental breakdown gifs . the funny ones where those guys aremoving really fast
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JANE AUSTEN RANKED BY YOURS TRULY
hi :]
it is done. I've read it all (*kicks Lady Susan under a rug*) what was that?
anyways
after seven whole months i come to you with the objectively correct ranking of JA main novels, heroines, and heroes
i will not be taking any criticism
let's begin then
on the line today we have
Northanger Abbey with contestants Catherine Morland and Henry Tilney
Sense and Sensibility's Elinor and Marianne Dashwood, Edward Ferrars and Colonel Brandon
Emma's own Emma Woodhouse, George Knightley and Frank Churchill
Persuasion bringing Anne Eliot and Captain Wentworth
and Mansfield Park's Fanny Price, Edmund Bertram and Henry Crawford
v what do you mean Frank and Henry they aren't Heroes why are you ranking them?
well because I can and want to
v what about Pride and Prejudice?
i can't be objective about it or Darcy or Lizzy. it would be unfair to everyone else. tho you are right I will be ranking Charles Bingley I have things to say about the man
cool? cool
THE NOVELS
yes i will only be ranking the main novels (and no lady susan because i dont want to reread it)
LOVED THEM TIER
EMMA
i did not want this book to end, i was having the time of my life. it's just. so good
reading it knowing what is going on was a delightful experience
i love emma and knightley so much
maple grove should burn to the ground. for my sanity
NORTHANGER ABBEY
Catherine carried this book that's all I gotta say
coming of age story but make it the 19th century
below Emma because I can take reading about Maple Grove but not hearing the Thorpes speak
I JUST THINK THEY ARE NEAT :]
SENSE AND SENSIBILITY
I just. think it's neat
I really have nothing else to say. I was invested, I felt for Elinor, and Marianne's evolution was 10/10
fuck John Dashwood for cutting down that tree
IM SORRY JANE (aka the Fail Love Interest Syndrome)
PERSUASION
i was a little bored ngl
did like Anne well enough tho
also. that piano scene. thanks I hate it. it will haunt me for the rest of my life
MANSFIELD PARK
Mary and Edmund ruined this for me in the way that they represent everything wrong with the allos and in the way that i wanted to slap them both out of their nonsense
i also didn't connect much with Fanny so :/
HEROINES
no tiers, just ranking them :]
EMMA (Emma)
I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER
Emma never change
she's so wrong all the time and I love her so much
<3
CATHERINE (NA)
MY GIRL
she's aggressively 17 (affectionate)
a DELIGHT
she grows so much 😭😭😭 im so proud of her
she will be an amazing adult
ELINOR (S&S)
it's the eldest daughter hardship for me
she puts up with so much bullshit from everyone around her
deserves a paid vacation, the right to murder people, and a nap, not necessarily in that order
lowkey carried
MARIANNE (S&S)
I will be the first to admit that I disliked her at first because she was aggressively 17 (derogatory)
but she !!!!! grows so much !!!!!! im so proud of her
always championed her older sister when no one else would and for that i gotta love her
ANNE (Persuasion)
suffers from FLIS (fail love interest syndrome)
girl it's been 8 years supéralo
also puts up with so much the sad bitch I do love her
FANNY (MP)
FLIS
had the chance of marrying Henry but didn't take it (like. I get why. but I'd respect her more for being a I Can Fix It Girlie than settling for the piece of wet bread that's Edumnd)
did not connect with her at all sorry bestie :(
HEROES (and then some)
i will put them into tiers. because I have Issues with most of them. also im judging them solely on how they relate to their Heroine that's the only worth they have to me
FAULTLESS
KNIGHTLEY (Emma - Emma)
what can I say he had impeccable chemistry with Emma
they were married from page 1
he truly cares for her and to make her improve as a person and I love him
COOL DUDE
EDWARD (S&S - Elinor)
my guy
had a scene with big brother energy with Marianne and I was sold
could use a little bit more Standing Up For Your Future Happiness but it's in character so I'll give him a pass
HENRY (NA - Catherine)
he's said to be the best Austen men and while I get why I just. he just wasn't giving to me
but yeah good to Catherine, amazing brother to his sister, knows feminine interests, amiable, etc
suffers from NA was the first book i read back in may so i dont remember much of his moments
LITTLE SHIT <3
CRAWFORD (NA)
my fail boy
the one plot point I enjoyed
let's point and laugh at the flirt that falls in love with the mildest girl ever who dislikes him and then when he's refused has an affair with a married woman
way to go bud ily
FRANK CHURCHILL (Emma)
he's such a piece of shit
was very fun to read
Jane should dump him tho he doesn't deserve her
I'LL BE WATCHING YOU, BUD
BINGLEY (P&P - Jane)
DARCY'S NOT THE BOSS OF YOU, MAN
can't be mad at him for long because of the puppy energy he has tho
BUT MAN THAT WAS ALMOST A YEAR'S ABSENCE YOU GOT AWAY WITH
COLONEL BRANDON (S&S - Marianne)
MY DUDE. WHY DIDN'T YOU SPILL THE TEA SOONER
oh yeah I'll let this Confirmed Rake keep courting the woman I'm in love with while everyone expects them to be either engaged or about to be as I know he's literally the worst, make sense
i just can't wrap my head around it
BOOOOOOO (FLIS)
CAPTAIN WENTWORTH (Persuasion - Louisa Anne)
more like captain failworth
people love this man and I just don't get it
MAN IT'S BEEN 8 YEARS. GET OVER IT
he's spiteful and resentful towards Anne when she did was she had to idk dude grow tf up
almost gets trapped in a marriage with a silly girl because he's dumb (good thing the girl is silly and jumped off a cliff so he could run back to anne) (that's an exaggeration but basically)
your only point of redemption is that by marrying you Anne gets out of the toxic environment she was in
EDMUND (NA - Mary Fanny)
imagine a glass of water. imagine that glass of water under the sun. not just any sun, no, a good midday August Spanish sun. imagine now a piece of bread. good. put that piece of bread inside the glass of water. that's this guy to me
all holier than thou but then spends 98% of the novel thinking with his dick
i. hate him.
takes fanny for granted
marries fanny because it's convenient (AND IN LIKE. THE THIRD TO LAST PARAGRAPH WHEN IN THE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH HE WAS STILL COMPLAINING ABOUT MARY!!!!!! DUDE!!!!!!)
he's the worst
everyone that sucked gets punished but him
i want to personally kill this man
and that was basically it thanks for coming with me in this journey wow that was fun
hi @my-cursed-prince
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posting something from my private notes here for fun
let me talk about something mildly interesting for once. you know what they say, about escape room design?
the best customer expierence in an escape room, is to get out right when it's down to the wire. it's disappointing if you don't get out in time. it's also disappointing if you get out with too much time left. the sweet spot, the ideal expierence, exists in that fine line of 'difficult victory', the last second. and designing a room, you try and build these puzzles to achieve that spot
theres other things that go into it, like "delivering what you requested, and then more" (which ive talked about it terms of storytelling before) via things like puzzles or set pieces being multipurpose (whether used in multiple puzzles, has a puzzle element and a story element, is a set of something you could assume is just decoration but has practical purposes) or the room itself (secret extra hidden rooms, or in general the space revealing 'more' as you go) and the puzzles themselves, when they feel diagetic to a story and fair
but since you know im on that kick, i was thinking of this philosphy in regards to murder mysteries
a story that asks to be solved is not good if the solution is too easy or if the solution isnt even possible to get until the very end, or doesnt resolve in a way that makes sense
and ive been thinking a lot recently, about what makes a mystery satisfying. what makes it feel fair. ive also been thinking about this in regards to umineko (am on ep6), because while it's easy to come with plausible explanations for the murders, they aren't "satisfying" enough because just because something is logically sound and plausible doesn't mean it feels like it makes sense for a character to do something so stupid and crazy
ive also been thinking of Death On The Nile and how i felt while reading it, how i guessed my culprit and how the events of the story are paced and characters presented so even though i did guess right pretty early, i was still confused and on the edge for most of the book
anyways, my thoughts on what makes a puzzle/mystery/whatever feel fair:
-things cant just happen because 'id be exciting to read a mystery about it', everything has to feel right. everyone's course of action has to be what they, in character, would immediately decide to do first choice. if something feels like 'a stretch' it will not feel satisfying
that's the bridge between "it's plausible it could have happened this way" and "I know this happened, because it is in line with what that character would have done."
this is hard for me to put into words, but it's like the same reason why miscommunication plots are a pain to watch, or if something has to happen to make the story more dramatic, even if its not really what the character would do doesn't sit right. The mystery exists in service of the characters, not of the author.
it can be a "stretch" with how information is acquired, and im willing to even have a little give on things like physics, but its real unsatisfying when some crazy batshit thing happens and you ask the killer "WHY?!?!?" and even if the "how" was clever and fun, if they dont really have a good reason for it beyond the story thought it would be fun it feels a bit unfulfilling.
-you cant lie about the question. a good mystery doesn't hide.
i think this was the most frustrating thing about after party season 1 for me, and some other mysteries. when the camera and the story call to attention some big mystery or inconsistency or unsolved bit of information asking for you to pay attention and care about and invest thought and energy into it and……… it doesn't matter.
and this is where agatha christie and umineko make me very happy. like death of the nile will constantly bring up the key inconsistent impossibility in the evidence and say this is important. this one thing doesn't make sense right now, but if we know the killer, it will. hercule will find a clue and repeat that it's important and we just don't understand it yet, so we have the chance to think about why. and umineko is ALL about that. umineko smushes your face in its biggest questions it wants you to focus on and solve and begs with you to try. the afterparty s1 will spend lots of time being like "whooooo shot this mysterriiousss arrow at someone?!? whyyyy was there a WIG found near the body?!?!" and then go lol it didnt mean anything and could be completely removed and not effect the mystery.
A good mystery is confident in itself, and doesn't need to hide and or try to be unnoticed because its afraid its too easy, because its afraid if you pay attention it'll be solved. it's a challenge, it gives you the CHANCE to think and try to answer before presenting the solution. and more than that, its real shitty to dedicate time to answering questions that dont matter.
thats not saying you cant have red herrings but the core of a mystery is being rewarded for investing energy into something, getting that "payoff" that "ahhhhh i see!" and if you have something REALLY COOL you should want people to invest energy into it!! you should hold it up and be like "you better care about this, because when it all makes sense, itll feel SOOOOOOOOOOOOO COOOOOOOL!"
and why its painful when you hold up things as distraction, and people care about the wrong thing, then feel kind of bleghh when they didnt get a so cool because it turns out the story didnt give a shit in the end either
oh god im typing a lot and i think ive said some of this stuff before but its been circling my head for months now and its nice to try and get it all in one go
but i've been trying to analyze how mysteries make me feel while im reading them. what choices make me think what ways, and what feels satisfying and clever and what feels frustrating and pointless
i could also point to knox's decalouge but i feel like thats common sense
#8uny rants#disorganized passionate excerpts#but ive been trying to figure out what makes a story feel good#and when “it makes sense” is not enough
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for the kpop asks: 4,6, 8, 9, 20, 21, 26 and 27! ♡⸝⸝
(id say sorry for the amount of numbers but im too curious hahah)
idm the amount of numbers 🩷🧁
[ 4. ult biases ]
jisung (skz) , wonwoo (svt) , hyungwon (mx) , giuk (onewe) , eunho (plave) – I HAVE TO MANY OK ASJDB;PO
[ 6. first kpop group ]
in terms of being introduced to kpop, Girls Generation (this was more of a casual listen. like, dipping my pinky toe in the sea of kpop not knowing the 'consequences' sksks). when it comes to falling deep into the rabbit hole of kpop and investing time, money and energy; exo & bts 🙊🫣
[ 8. fav mv ]
oh boy. uhh... can i get back to you on that one????? (there is just too many that i like and im indecisive AHHHH)
[ 9. fav choreo ]
silent cry + domino. but also crazy form & mx shoot out and – 🙊
[ 20. your playlist ]
uh, i dont really make playlists.. i usually listen to my 'on repeat' on spotify
[ 21. recently stanned group ]
i started listening to txt lately 👀 & ox too.
[ 26. fav vocalist ]
kihyun from mx. idk, i really like his voice :( (and ofc vocalracha heheh)
[ 27. fav rapper ]
sugaa. sorry but he kills it every time
[ kpop ask game !! ]
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