#if the man you hate is suicidal does that mean the worst you can do is keep him alive?
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the romanticism in having a history with someone that can never be erased despite being on opposing sides the romanticism in never being able to rid yourself of the care for them that's shamefully rooted so deep inside of you the romanticism in physically needing someone to keep you from dying the romanticism in saving a person one hundred times over just so you get to be the one who kills them the romanticism in destroying the world when it doesn't end up being you
#man i don't even ship them like that#theres just so much here their dynamic makes me feel insane#if the man you hate is suicidal does that mean the worst you can do is keep him alive?#but then there are moments where they seem genuinely worried about each other#so can a hatred run so deep that it becomes a kind of love?#is the hatred just an easier way of showing care? when you've been told all your life to be emotionless?#when there's a power inside of you that could kill you? when the life you live doesn't allow this connection?#anyway smiley face!#bsd#soukoku#bsd dazai#bsd chuuya#j yaps
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courting antisemitism
so i recently decided to take a look at the latest stonetoss comics (probably because i love suffering). and while i was expecting some content on the israel palestine conflict, what i did not expect was how... standard it seemed. well, most of it at least, but i'll get to that in a second.
for context, if you don't know what stonetoss is, it's a (poorly drawn) webcomic known for having radical alt-right views - meaning it's incredibly racist, homophobic, transphobic, islamophobic, antisemitic. all that fun stuff.
so while i was expecting to see bad stuff, one of the first things i saw on the topic of israel was this:
terrible art aside, this comic is making a point that i usually see in left wing circles: that israel is pinkwashing genocide.
curious if there was more like this, i kept looking, and the comic right before that one was this:
again, this makes points that i usually see in left wing circles. that american healthcare is crazy expensive, that canada tells poor people to commit suicide, and that israel is bombing hospitals.
why does stonetoss, this well known alt-right nutjob, now seem to be bringing up left-wing talking points?
curious, i kept going deeper:
well this is... odd. clearly, stonetoss is trying to say that israel is on another level of bad, even worse than russia, iran, and north korea. i can possibly see someone on the left making the argument that the russian invasion of ukraine isn't as bad as what israel is doing in gaza, or that at least north korea isn't invading any other countries, but... iran??? the country that has a police force designed to enforce religious law, and gets away with murdering women who do not properly cover their hair? the country that props up paramilitary groups in countries all over the middle east, including lebanon, yemen, and yes, palestine?? that's completely ridiculous
but, given how much more israel is in the news nowadays than any of these other countries, i could see why someone would buy this
and now, we're starting to get to the crux of what stonetoss is trying to do. when someone sees this, they might be inclined to agree with it. they might begin to think that israel is the worst country on the planet
and that might not seem so bad at first. but the more you hate israel, especially irrationally, the more you feel allowed to dehumanize those who support it. the more you might be willing to agree with this comic, which came out two days prior to the one above
this comic says that jews, as a whole have no desire to exist with other people. it is blatantly antisemitic
i'm sure you could imagine some young leftist who sees the comics above this one and thinks, "this guy makes some good points". and then, when they get to this one, they might realize that this is antisemitism
or, they may not.
and that would start them down the road to becoming an antisemite.
this is what stonetoss and other alt-right nutjobs are hoping to achieve. to take left wing fury at israel, and direct it at jews.
we saw it with those neo-nazis at the palestine rally, and we're seeing it again here.
and if you've found yourself agreeing with what stonetoss has said so far, i would like you to see the last comic stonetoss put out before october 7th:
this horrifically racist comic is in reference to an environmental activist who was murdered by a black man in early october. this blatantly racist garbage is the kind of stuff stonetoss usually puts out.
but as soon as october 7th happened? these were his next two comics:
stonetoss completely changed the comic's tone as soon as the current crisis started. why?
to get as many people as possible to get on board with hating jews.
and i know many of you might be thinking that "well, everyone knows that stonetoss is racist garbage. nobody is going to fall for this"
except, as we saw with the neo-nazis at the rally for palestine, it's not always that obvious who the antisemites are and who is just rallying for peace. they are often a lot better at disguising it than stonetoss is.
AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE AWARE OF THAT
EVERYONE, no matter HOW much experience you have, can fall victim to propoganda. EVERYONE needs to be aware of what people around them are saying, and able to pick out hateful rhetoric, because even the stuff that is just kind of toeing the line of what's hateful is still putting your foot in the door
be cautious, everyone. and stomp out hate where you see it.
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kiss me and apologize || Carmen Berzatto x reader
summary: from private chef to working in a rundown restaurant in Chicago, your life does a 180 as you try to fit into the world that is the Beef. Richie isn’t helping and Carmen just can’t figure you out
word count: 3.7k
warnings: swearing, mentions of michael’s death/suicide
author’s note: so um i guess i write for the Bear now?? official obsessed with the show and was inspired by all of the great writers that write for Carmy on here :)
"Carmen? The door?"
"What—? Oh yeah, yeah. Sorry."
He turns towards the door, fumbling for the key with numb fingers, his face burning hot.
He wasn't used to anyone else besides himself showing up to the restaurant so early in the morning, and he definitely wasn't used to you and your pink cheeks and and warm smile greeting him at the door. You were a new hire to the Beef, a godforsaken miracle dressed in oversized overalls who had shown up two weeks ago and been hired by Sydney on the spot.
She had been smitten with you from the start, dead set on hiring you without so much as a second interview.
"—studied in Copenhagen, worked at multiple Michelins in New York. I mean look at this, Carmen. She's a private chef in the Hamptons. We would be stupid not to hired her."
And you were great. You are great. Except for the fact that you're really fucking distracting.
"You sure you got it, chef?"
Carmen can't even blame the heat rising from his cheeks from the cold at this point because his hands are sweating as he jiggles the door knob that somehow always seems to get jammed at the worst possible moments. This is one of those moments.
Finally, he hefts his weight against the door while twisting the knob and it busts open. A muffled snort escapes you from behind him. Carmen steps inside, holding the door open for you with a small wave of his hand. "Sorry. I'm sure this crap isn't what you were expecting when you applied here—"
He's rambling, stomach twisting in knots. His nerves always screw up his stomach—maybe he'll pop a few Tums before—
"It's fine, Camren," you assure him, stepping in from the cold, body pressing against his in the small entry way. "I like it here."
I like you.
"Yo, am I interrupting something, cousin? You and the princess wanna take that shit somewhere else?" Richie's shout can be heard from all the way across the parking lot, and it makes Carmen visibly cringe.
"Fuck off, cousin," Carmen mutters, reluctantly breaking away from you.
Still standing in the doorway, you huff, whatever moment you and Carmen had shared broken by Richie's arrival. The taller man stomps up the front steps, shaking snow from his boots.
So far, he had been the only staff member you found unbearable. Even Tina had warmed to you after a few weeks and now took great pleasure in listening to your elaborate stories as a private chef. Richie, on the other hand, hated your guts.
"You just gonna stand there and let all the fuckin' cold air in? I'll let Sugar know to take the heating outta your paycheck."
"Fuck off, Richie."
The morning is only the beginning of his wrath.
——
"Richie, you fucking imbecile—"
"Every single time you open your mouth, all I hear is this fuckin' bullshit. Jesus, you're so fuckin' high and mighty with your fancy ass college degree," he sneers, looming over you. If he stepped any closer you would have lacked the self control not to hit him. "You wanna come in here, act like you know everything because daddy sent you to school—"
"You don't have to fucking like me, Richie, but what you're not going to do is push me around and be an egotistical misogynist just because you have a set of balls. So give me my fucking knife."
Richie's hand is in the air beside your head, waving about in wild gesticulation that he does not have your knife, or any fucking knife for that matter. "I don't have your shit!"
With your jaw clenched together, you breathe in deeply through your nose and take in the taller man through narrowed, disbelieving eyes. "Fine." You turn on your heals and storm off. "CARMEN."
Richie throws his hands up and scoffs at your retreating back, yelling after you. "Ohh go ahead, fuckin' call mommy. Like I'm scared of him," he snorts.
"CARMEN!" Your fury only fueled by Richie's taunts, your stride quickens as you shove your way through the chaos of the kitchen, dodging both Sydney and Marcus.
"Woah, chef. What's the matter?" Sydney asks as you whip past her, her hands busy with mashing potatoes, but you don't stop to answer, instead rounding the corner like a woman on a mission.
"CARMEN—"
"—What?!" At the third sound of his name, Carmen finally jerks his head up from his prep station, only to be met with you head on. "What's going on, chef?" he repeats, looking back down to his station after taking in your vexed disposition and gathering that no one's dying. He puts on these sort of metaphorical blinders once he's in the kitchen and nothing, not even you, is going to distract him from what he does best. He becomes an entirely different animal in the kitchen.
"That fucking dickwad has my knife and he won't give it back. How am I supposed to—"
Still urgently chopping carrots, Carmen cuts you off. "Chef, just get another knife," he instructs, stepping around you to dump a pile of sliced carrots into the bin.
His dismissal throws you for a loop and leaves you open mouthed, protest caught in your throat. Just this morning he had been stuttering nervously, cheeks flushed as you stood waiting for him to unlock the staff door. Now he's biting and abrasive, domineering in the way he takes control of the kitchen. You know he's just doing his job, doing whatever it takes to keep his head above the water—keep everyone's head above the water, but right now you want to scream at him. "Just tell him to—"
"Yes, Chef," he provides, indicating that he's done refereeing yours and Richie's squabble. He moves across the station so that you have to step sideways to avoid being in his way.
"But I—"
"Yes, Chef?" Carmen effectively cuts you off with a hard stare, momentarily stopping his urgent chopping. His blue eyes are fixating despite their look of wild urgency.
When it becomes obvious that arguing your point further is going to get you nowhere, you nod, growling a reluctant, 'Yes, Chef.'
If Carmen notices your attitude, he either pointedly ignores it or is too busy shouting at Tina about onions to care. You grab a knife laid out at one of the empty stations, purposefully shoving Richie as you round the corner.
"What's the matter, sweetheart? Mommy didn't take your side?" he calls from the expo station "Didn't fuckin' see that coming."
You ignore him, deciding that he's not worth anymore of your energy for the time being. There's an entire rack of ribs that needs to be sliced and it's going to take you twice as long with this poor excuse of a knife.
"Chef, how are those ribs coming?" Sydney calls amidst the kitchen chaos. "Doors open in fifteen minutes."
Glancing at the digital kitchen clock, panic sets into you as you realize just how much time you've lost. "Fuck," you mutter, more to yourself than anyone. "Ahh—I'm going to need at least twenty," you shout back.
"What? What's taking so long?" Sydney asks. You can hear her moving behind you, finishing up with her own prep.
"Yeah, what's takin' so fuckin' long?" Richie chimes in.
Your grip on the knife's handle tightens, but you don't give him the satisfaction of acknowledging his words. "I'm working on it, Syd," you promise her, praying you can somehow speak that confidence into existence.
Richie is still running his mouth behind you. "Y'know, maybe you just aren't cut out for this. It's not too late to go back to makin' your fancy little hors d'oeuvres up in New York."
"Screw you, Richie," you mutter, your brow furrowed as you concentrate on cutting through the ribs. The knife is hardly cutting and it's taking everything in you not to just start hacking away and be done with it.
"This ain't a cocktail party. This is a real fuckin' business, and we don't need you over here messin' us up and screwin' around—"
"Screw. You. Richie."
"What was that? Can't hear you, princess," he taunts.
Just as you turn to open your mouth, ready to snap at him, the knife hits a dull spot and slips against your grip, catching your fingers along the way. Immediately you jerk your hand back, biting back a cry. The knife clatters to the ground at your feet.
"Fucking dammit!" you exclaim, clutching your bleeding fingers with your other hand.
"Oh now you've really fuckin' done it," Richie laughs, shaking his head.
You only glare at him before muttering, "Move," as you shove past him. To his credit, he doesn't say anymore as you shoulder him out of the way.
By the time you get to the back sink, there's blood seeping from between your gloved fingers and onto the floor. You have to fight back a whimper as you peal away the latex from your skin.
"Woah, woah— what the hell??"
Hands appear beside you, grabbing your own bloody hand and wrapping it tightly in a clean kitchen rag. You close your eyes, willing yourself not to faint. The pressure stings but serves to staunch the blood flow and relieve some of your dizziness.
When you open your eyes, Carmen's blue ones are staring at you worriedly. "You good, chef?"
You close your eyes again, this time not because you're dizzy, but rather to avoid the intensity of his stare. "Yeah," you manage hoarsely, finding your voice. "Yeah. Just bandage me up okay? I've still got prep to do."
Even with your eyes closed you can still feel his eyes on you. He's so close that you can feel the brush of his body against yours.
"Yeah, okay," he finally says, but you can hear the hesitation in his voice. Immediate loss fills your body as he pulls away, but then he's pressed up against you again, holding your fingers steady as he wraps them up.
It hurts and you want so badly to just let go of the cry of pain and frustration that you're holding back. But instead you bite the inside of your cheek and watch Carmen bandage your fingers like he's done it a hundred times before. When he's done, he draws your hand up to his mouth and tears the tape with his teeth. You force back a swallow when his lips brush your skin.
"This okay, Chef?" he asks, looking up at you with those ridiculously anxious blue eyes—anxious like he's always got somewhere to be, something to do, something on his mind. Now they're focused entirely on you.
Somehow you find your voice. "Y-yeah—yeah, thank you." You pause, still staring at him, not moving. "I, um—I should go finish prep..."
"Okay," he answers softly.
"Okay."
"—Hey." Before you turn to slip out of his office, Carmen calls after you. He raises a fist to his chest, tracing it clockwise over his heart.
I'm sorry.
Your brows furrow at his apology. "Carmen, it wasn't your—"
"Yes. It was," he clarifies, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans back against the desk. "I blew you off earlier and you got hurt because of it... So I'm sorry."
From the doorframe, you offer him a half smile.
"Apology accepted, Chef." And then you leave him before he can say anymore, slipping back out into the chaos of rush hour.
——
You do end up finishing you prep before opening. Your fingers hurt like a bitch, and you may need to visit a 24 hour clinic on your way home for a few stitches, but you make it though. Rush hour was hell, your head hurts from both screaming and being screamed at, but now the Beef is closed, the kitchen is quiet, and you can just breathe.
Slowly but surely, everyone files out of the kitchen once they finish their end of the day tasks, bidding you goodbyes and see you tomorrows as they leave—except for Richie, who you flip off once his back is turned.
The bell above the front door chimes, announcing Tina's departure, and then it's just you left tending to your station. Sydney had offered to take care of it for you, seeing as you were down a hand, but cleaning your space at the end of the day gives you peace of mind and time to cool down after all the chaos.
At some point, the lights in the back office click off and heavy foot steps make their way towards the kitchen. Carmen appears beside you, arms crossed as he watches you clean. He's quiet, observing the way you scrub the already pristine table top over and over and over. You don't learn that kind of precision from working in a place like this.
You're an anomaly to him and he doesn't know what to do with you
You certainly don't fit in here with your perfectly refined private school vocabulary and your Michelin star palette and your fucking expensive gold chain necklace that's probably worth more than the rent for his apartment.
"What're you doing here?" he finally asks.
"Wiping my station?" Your voice is leaning on the defensive side and he figures that probably has to do with Richie.
"Exactly," he concedes. "So what are you doing here? Because six months ago you were making fuckin' soufflés in the Hamptons."
This time you actually kind of laugh because that statement is not too far off from the truth. "I don't know, Carmen. I was bored?"
"You don't give up the Hamptons because you're bored."
You look up at him for the first time since he's walked up. There's no bristling anger in your eyes like there was earlier when Richie took your knife—he did and you both know it. You just look at him, really look at him, and then you set down the rag and you nod. "Just like you don't give up Noma?"
Carmen holds your heavy gaze for a while. It's as if some sort of unspoken understanding passes between the two of you and eventually he sighs, nodding. "Right."
You look around at the restaurant surrounding you, the stained floors, the rundown kitchen appliances, the framed 'let it rip' note. "Natalie, uh she told me about him—Micheal... I'm really sorry. He seemed like a good guy."
His eyes follow yours to the note, and he doesn't say anything for a minute, which isn't unusual, Carmen has always been decently shy since you met him, but it makes you wonder if it was a mistake bringing it up.
Strangely enough, this is the first time that someone's brought up Michael and he hasn't wanted to slam a door in their face. Normally, he would just nod and say something like, 'yeah, he was a good guy' and that would be his way of wiggling out of another unwelcome conversation, but he doesn't. Instead, he stares at the note and wonders for the first time since Micheal died if he should have gone to the funeral.
It made him feel like a fucking asshole for not going, but he couldn't listen to all those people saying how good it was to have him back—how happy Micheal would have been to have him back—because if Micheal hadn't gone and killed himself, he wouldn't be here anyhow. He'd still be in New York. He'd still be angry at Micheal like he is now.
Carmen sighs. "I—I wish that I had talked to him more instead of just fucking off to New York. Because after that I just hated coming back too all of this... y'know? And then it was like even when I was here, he kinda just knew that I didn't want to be here, and so we spent that time just fuckin'... at each other's throats.." He trails off, sniffing to clear the choked up feeling from his throat. "Just—who the fuck does that?"
He's asking you. Who shoots themself and doesn't even leave a note? Who shoots themself and leaves their little brother to pick up the remains of their shithole restaurant?
"Well," you begin, laughing a little at the absurdity of it all. "You're talking to a girl who decided to quit her job after three years as a private chef and is now slicing spare ribs in Chicago for just over minimum wage."
The unseriousness of the confession makes him crack a smile and now he's fighting a grin off of his face. "Yeah, that was uh..." He's still chuckling, shaking his head. "That was really stupid of you. Why would you do that?"
You're fighting a smile too now, heart pumping in your chest because he's really fucking pretty when he laughs. His cheeks are flushed and his curly hair is a disheveled mess and you just want to reach over and smooth a hand through it.
Your tongue wets your bottom lip and his blue eyes don't miss the nervous habit. "Well, there's this guy..."
"Yeah?" Carmen's smiling, the tired expression on his face softened by the twinkle in his eyes.
"Yeah, there's this guy. And I've looked up to him my entire life. He's brilliant—like really fucking brilliant. And I promised myself that if I ever got the opportunity to work for him, I would do it."
Carmen snorts softly, glancing down at the white tile floor a bit bashfully before looking back to you again. "And now you know what a freaking psycho I am, huh?"
You can see it, him retreating back into the mellow, unsure person he becomes when he's not manning an overflowing expo station, a broken freezer, and an entire staff of chefs. It's endearing how timid he is, like he almost doesn't really know himself or how he fits in anywhere outside the kitchen. "I don't think you're a psycho, Carm. I mean, I would be a little crazy too if I had what you have on my plate."
He just nods, still a little sheepish at your praise. Just like this morning, when you had caught him at the back door before opening, he doesn't know what to do with himself when you're around.
You break the silence by turning back towards your station. "I'm going to finish up here. I don't mind locking up if you don't want to stay."
Carmen watches as you lean forward onto the toes of your beat up sneakers to grab the paper towels off the overhead shelf and the hem of your hand cropped t-shirt rides up. His first instinct is to look away because the exposed flesh of your rib cage feels like something he shouldn't be seeing, much less staring at, but it's like he freezes out of panic and now he's looking at the tattoo just under your breast.
He stands there, mouth partially open to reply back to you, but it's like his tongue is numb in his mouth and he doesn't even remember what he was going to say anymore. And then it's gone, concealed again by the hem of your white t-shirt.
When you walked into the Beef two weeks ago, your tattoos had been strangely surprising to him at first. He hadn't pictured you like that in his mind—bronzed skin and tatted forearms and cherry glossed lips—just grunge enough to make anyone who passes you look twice. Now you're all he thinks about.
"Carmy. Carmy?"
You're staring at him, head cocked to the side, brows furrowed in confusion and—God, he wants to kiss you.
"Are you oka—"
"Can I kiss you?" He blurts out the question as if he won't be able to finish it if he doesn't get it all out in one breath. Like he knows that if he doesn't ask now he's never going to have the courage to do it again, and he'll be stuck shoving down these feelings for you for the rest of his life.
When you stare at him, eyes wide, like a deer in the headlights, he knows he screwed up. His stomach drops and—fuck, he really needs a Tums right now. He looks away, hand reaching to his hair, eyes darting to the ceiling because he can't take the embarrassment of looking at you.
"I—fuck, I'm sorry. That was totally—um. I shouldn't have—"
"Shut up, Carmen."
"No, that was stupid of me. I—"
"Shut up so I can kiss you, you moron."
Stepping forward, your hand curls around the back of his neck, drawing him down to close the gap between the two of you. Even then you have to stand on your toes to reach him. Although the tense, anticipatory stiffness of his body against yours is screaming wait, you press your lips to his before he has the chance to back down.
It's everything that a first kiss should be—hot and sweet and a bit awkwardly reserved. You can tell he’s nervous. Nevertheless, you can't help the hum that escapes you at the feeling of his plush bottom lip pressed between your own. If given the choice, you’d never pull away from the warm taste of his mouth.
Carmen's breathing heavy, heart pounding in his chest, hand pressing into your back, pulling you closer as he kisses you impossibly harder. He's never kissed a girl before and he decides then and there that he never wants to kiss any girl that's not you.
It’s not clear which of you pulls away first—coming up for air more than anything—but it leaves you both nose to nose, mouths still inches from each other, still sharing the same air that you would had your mouths been connected.
“Carmen?” you ask softly, nose brushing his as you speak. You can feel his heart beating against his chest.
“Yeah?” he replies in same breathy tone.
“Did I mention I really like it here?”
#carmy the bear#carmy berzatto#carmy x you#carmy x reader#carmy berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto#carmen berzatto fic#carmen berzatto fluff#the bear#carmy berzatto imagines
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More Reasons Izzy's Death Doesn't Work
Assuming you're not writing grimdark where the point is that no one is safe, it can be tricky to pull off killing a sympathetic character in a satisfying way. S2 does not nail the landing. Here are a trio of types of character deaths, and why Izzy's doesn't end up succeeding any any of them.
The Tragic Death
A tragic death, first and foremost, Bad. The audience should be sad, the framing is sad. This death is meant to raise the stakes, or deal an emotional blow to the other characters. If the major villain does it, it makes them seem more menacing, and makes the audience hate them even more. This often occurs in the "dark moment" before the third act, and is part of the protagonist's internal struggle under the weight of their mission. Their death helps the goal seem impossible to reach. If it happens at the climax, the death shows the costs of victory.
Is Izzy's death a tragic death? It's true he's shot by the main villain at the climax but...no. Ricky wasn't defeated; he's still out there. The main couple don't actually intend to pursue him, and are instead settling in to a happy life. Most importantly, Izzy's death was nowhere near sad enough to function as a tragic death. Sure, there was some sadness in his death scene, but the funeral scene was incredible short and almost offensive in its lack of emotional impact. If anything, Izzy's death seems to have cleared up Ed's emotional issues instead of burdening him with despair.
The Final Redemption
This is a classic for redeemed villains and cynical antiheroes. In these deaths, the character marks the end of their character arc by making some final sacrifice for the greater good or their new friends. Their death has meaning for the dead character, the plot, and those they sacrificed themselves to protect.
Izzy's cause of death is more or less random. He just happens to be the one holding the knife to the villain's back.
You could say Izzy's final words are his final redemption, with him giving a final apology. This could work, but unfortunately, not with Ed. At least not how it was handled here.
Izzy had already completed his character arc of accepting Ed retiring and supporting Stede and Ed's relationship. Worse, any of Izzy's wrongs against Ed pale in comparison to Ed's wrongs against Izzy, especially in S2. It doesn't help that Ed had an entire arc of him failing to come even slightly close to making up for what he did. So instead of being glad that Izzy apologized to Ed on his deathbed, we're baffled Izzy is apologizing to the man who forced him to eat his own toes, shot off his leg, and drove him to suicide.
And his dying words fall on deaf ears, since Ed just up and leaves his "family" immediately.
The Good Death
Everyone has to die sometime. A good death is a scene where a character dies, usually due to some sort of natural cause, at peace. This may mean they're surrounded by family and friends, or doing what they love to do most. The point is that, while death is inevitable, to die well is still a happy ending.
Izzy's death isn't peaceful, and following a sneaky plan from Stede isn't what he loves to do most. Worst of all, he isn't surrounded by family. Sure, a some people say he is, but watch the scene again. The reason Roach doesn't even attempt to help Izzy is not only because Izzy is a goner (for some reason). He is also giving Ed space to be with Izzy semi-privately.
Everyone who Izzy developed relationships with is standing back in favor of Ed, who he has just barely started to get along with again. You can't even get a good look at the faces and reactions of some of the characters who had the most meaningful interactions with Izzy.
You could say it's a good death because he is with Ed, but the plot has simply failed to build this up as something satisfying. In fact, focusing on Ed is sort of tragic in and of itself. If this is Izzy's ideal happy ending, it suggests he was obsessed with Ed to the point he'd rather die giving advice and closure to Ed (who will ignore his advice) than be close to the people who actually helped him heal and find peace.
Conclusion
Writing this actually helped clarify, I think, why the death didn't work, but might seem to be doing something on the surface.
There are all sort of bits from each of these meaningful types of deaths. Izzy's speech to Ricky seems like a statement that could seem like part of a brave, dramatic confrontation or last stand, but the actual killing blow falls out of nowhere, without drama. There is tale of revenge that the leads have no interest in pursuing. Izzy's apology is supposed to be a capstone to his development with Ed, but Izzy's supposed corruption of Ed was so downplayed compared to Ed's brutal abuse of Izzy that him apologizing felt more offensive than cathartic. We're supposed to feel like Izzy finally got to die happy after a long life, but Izzy's life just seemed to be starting after healing from his trauma, with his life snatched away just when he was beginning to explore its possibilities.
This is the danger of relying on tropes without understanding the underlying reason why they work. It's why you can't say, "Izzy is a mentor figure, actually, so he should die for Ed's development" on the day you're shooting the scene.
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PROPAGANDA
Goro Akechi
have you seen this man. the fandom doesn't seem to grasp that he can have a "good" goal but still go about it absolutely the wrong way. he's not baby but he's not evil incarnate either, he's just 18. being 18 is just like that
People who are like "he's an irredeemable psychopath who became a serial killer just because he has daddy issues" piss me off. People who are like "he's the only person who ACTUALLY cares about the Protagonist and all of the Protagonist's other friends are fakes and users" piss me off even more. He's a foil for the entire main cast. He has faced all of their traumas with none of the support. He believes that he's responsible for his mother's suicide, and that he's unlovable. He was abandoned by everyone. He made some bad decisions when he was like 14, and his abusive father manipulated him into being a hitman. He lies all the damn time, so you can't really tell when he's being genuine or not. He's a double agent who befriends you and then tries to kill you, believes that he's succeeded, and shows absolutely no remorse. He dies to save your life (and then gets sorta resurrected and then dies again to literally save the world). It's complicated! He's complicated!
Gwen Cooper
God forbid women do anything. Gwen Cooper is a classic victim of fandom misogyny, a complicated kinda fucked up female character who is ultimately a hero, and people act like she’s the antichrist because she’s about as fucked up as every other man in the cast. Gwen’s main crimes are cheating on her then-boyfriend (with another male lead character who weirdly does NOT get any hate for participating in this affair) and having a very emotionally intimate and sexually tense (but never actually sexual) relationship with Jack Harkness, who also has a boyfriend in Torchwood (this is the classic “she’s getting in the way of our ship!!!! Situation, despite the fact that Gwen and Jack literally never do anything together and Gwen is never anything but supportive of Jack’s relationship); perhaps Gwen’s most morally grey action is confessing adultery to her boyfriend and then erasing his memory when he reacts poorly, but I must stress that this is about on the par of the shitty things other men in the show have done (hide dangerous aliens in the secret base, sacrifice children to dangerous aliens, use alien cologne that makes people want to fuck you in a way that is at best DUBIOUSLY consensual, etc). Meanwhile, Gwen also gets hate for things that are NOT morally grey, namely, being an outspoken woman with a strong moral center. She is the HEART of her secret organization, she is the MORAL CORE, and because that means she has the AUDACITY to criticize her male coworkers, she’s a bitch. There are over 100 works on ao3 tagged “gwen cooper bashing,” and even more untagged that bash, demean, belittle, or simply ignore the existence of THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THE SHOW!! Gwen bestie you’re so fucked up and I love you and I need more people to appreciate that.
Gwen is a paranormal investigator who accidentally joined the worst polycule on Earth. The Torchwood fanbase (especially the one at the time) really hates/hated her, despite the fact that her coworkers were equally as bad if not much worse than her. Maybe she did a bit of cheating and maybe she’s kind of mean but have you considered: she’s the most beautiful girl in the world, she’s a bad bitch, and I love her? God forbid women do anything
#misrepresented morally grey#round 1#bracket b#did everything wrong bracket#persona 5#goro akechi#akechi goro#torchwood#gwen cooper#fun new drinking game: take a shot everytime 'God Forbid women do anything' is used in propaganda!/j
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I was really sleepy when I was answering asks yesterday and I almost forgot to check if you were doing the problematic oc ask too!
Balth is your oc I’m most familiar with! But if they’ve already been asked tell me about whatever critter is infecting your brain most rn 👀💖
Ahh, I appreciate the ask!! Somehow, no one did ask about him!! At any rate, I feel like this blog is full of Balthazar's sympathetic moments and not his Chaotic Fucking Evil Moments, happy to finally correct that <3
Lies constantly
Vengeful
Selfish
Past history of gold digging
Former con artist
Endorsement of experiments on animals
Enjoys watching other people suffer
Loves making people worse
Willing to sell out friends when they cease to be useful
Told a suicidal man to do a flip on the way down
Made fun of a suicidal man's family's deaths
Invades woman's memories to see her at her most vulnerable, mocks her for it
In general just willing to kick anyone when they're down
Doesn't like Regongar's puns
Profited from infant sacrifice
Murdered his own cult
Lied about having a cult
Problematic trans rep?
Accepted demonic gifts multiple times
Supported two different Lamashtu cults
Really does unconditionally forgive Tristian
Sincerely thinks Tristian did nothing wrong
(except cause problems for him but see two points above)
Funded demonic library
Misappropriation of public funds for personal projects
Harboring smugglers
Has been called the worst and most evil person in the Stolen Lands multiple times
Had a cult dedicated to him being The Worst (until he murdered them, see above)
Recruits enemies terrorizing area to work for him
Leading on poor Sharel
Frequently manipulates others into killing on his behalf
Takes credit for the work of others
Refuses to help with camp chores
Troll alliance
Hates animals
Obnoxious PDA
Abuses aasimar heritage to take advantage of others' trust
The public executions
The secret executions
Comes from working class family, often uses his success to close opportunities for others instead of opening them
Jaethal minister
Belittles Regongar's mental health problems
Ghosts Regongar instead of breaking up with him
Mocks Linzi's writing constantly
Enchantment specialist. Mind control is the way <3
Endorsement of experiments on nonconsenting wererats
Identity theft
Identity theft coverup
Asshole southern elitist, frequently belittles local culture as backwards
Propaganda
Lying to the public about a plague
Gaslighting rioters into fighting each other
24 year old bullying a 17 year old... Lander Lebeda is literally a minor
Plus that's just high key pathetic
The murders
The assassinations
Doesn't like dessert :(
Funding foreign dissidents
Endorsement of troll torture
Bad at communicating emotional needs
Using other people as shields in combat
Will throw anyone under the bus for anything
Really only heals Tristian in combat
Supports filicide for dark ritual purposes
His friendship with Jaethal in general
Problematic bi rep?
Attempted to recreate Bloom
Everything that happened during the Divorce Era
There's probably still a warrant out for him in Absalom
Due to [redacted]
Defacing a priceless historic tome (only known copy)
Anyone can die if it's for Tristian's sake
Sells out allies when they stop being convenient
Surtova supporter
Covering up Lander's death
Lander Undeath Incident
Torture is fine
I'm not even sure he seriously thinks torture works he's just horrible
Bread and circuses babyyyyyy
Mean to Nok-Nok
Literally kicked a dog
And there's an incomplete list of Balthazar Crimes! I'm sure I'm missing so, so much but honestly he's problematic more than he's not so. You know.
[prompt]
#because of timing I actually thought for some reason you sent the Kas anon asdfjoiasd#ask game#ask me emithing#balthazar lucienne#bearvanhelsing#cw suicide mention#god. the balthazar crimes requiring me to add that.#the kas crime list is so long but the balthazar crime list is Longer.
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Anon: Yandere alphabet with Asano Gakuho?
Since you didn't specify which letters, I just chose four.
Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, forced relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, controlling behavior, monopolizing behavior, isolation, manipulation, gaslighting
Yandere Alphabet
Death-How messy are they? Do they feel guilty/sorry for the lives they take?
🏫Gakuho may never drive a knife in another's heart and he may never use a gun to end someone's life but I would argue that the methods he uses make a normal death through a weapon seem preferable. He may not be an assassin yet he has tremendous influence and power in his hands. The things he can do are numerous and one option is as terrifying as the next one. You would know best just how terrifying Gakuho is as you are the unfortunate victim of his obsession. Gakuho, who believes that Ikeda's death was his own mistake, has since voted to never be so careless again in his life and let another mistake happen. This mindset can be perfectly applied to this topic as well as he does not let anything slide, no matter how harmless it might be. He seeks out total control and that not only includes his school and the students in it but also your life and the life of the people surrounding you. He wants perfection and if the people around you do not fit into his image, he will remove them.
🏫He ignores basic morals in favor of perfecting everything to his own image. He never feels any pity for the people he teaches a lesson as he always sees it as taking care of the pest before it can cause any damage. Obviously a huge part of the isolation he forces on you is a result of his own controlling personality yet I can't help but think that another reason he always reacts so quickly is because of the lingering guilt he feels for Ikeda's death. His former student was driven to suicide due to the intense bullying he had to endure and that memory that has led him to change his very foundation has led to a very intense overprotective instinct as Gakuho grows obsessed with you. If he eliminates the tender bud before it can grow into anything threatening for you, he genuinely believes that he does you a favor. You may not think the same but that's to be expected. You have a soft and good heart after all. He's just making sure that your heart doesn't crumble like his student's heart did.
Earnest-How intense and dangerous are they really?
🏫Gakuho is a freaking monster and he doesn't even hide it as he believes his methods and the way he sees things to be the correct one. Everyone is one way or another intimidated by him although he possesses just as much charm and charisma to convince everyone of his decisions. It is honestly the sum of everything that makes him arguably the worst one of his verse. He has the influence, the money and the power that it takes to imprison you forever. He has the intelligence, the looks and the charm to influence the hearts and minds of the people around you even without having to use his position. He is very controlling and possessive which means that you have essentially no time for yourself as he has a schedule for your own life yet he is confident enough in the grasp he has on your life to even let you wander around freely if you have earned it as he knows that you have no means of freeing yourself from him.
Fight-How do they feel if their darling fights back/says they hate them?
🏫It takes some courage to say this to a man who always emits such an intimidating aura and he gives you credit for doing so as many others wouldn't have the guts to do so. You are going to be the only one agitating yourself as Gakuho is terrifyingly calm as you do so. If he is doing something else whilst you fight back or run your mouth against him, he continues with what he is doing all whilst glancing occasionally at you to tell you that he is listening. You might think that he would punish disobedience but he is quite unbothered with your little temper tantrum. You may spout such claims but do you have any means to defy him? It is the knowledge that by the end of the day you won't be able to do anything that gives him such calmness. There is no need to get worked up over your empty threats after all. Instead he's hoping that venting your emotions out like this will help you to cool down and think rationally again.
Game-Do they see this all as a game?
🏫No. Gakuho has never viewed anything as a fun game anymore since his own student committed suicide and the same counts for his feelings for you. As cruel, controlling and scary as Gakuho can be and will definitely be, he has always made sure to show you that the feelings he harbors for you are sincere. Even if his love may be twisted and dark, he has never considered you as anything less than his lover and partner he plans to keep with him until death tears you two apart. It is instead precisely because he holds you so dearly that he has done all the things he has done so far. He loves you and he protects you in the way he deems to be the right one and whilst those actions are extreme and without any morals attached to them, he does them because he is serious and dangerously committed to the relationship he has forcefully built with you.
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I'm getting a little tired of people who think Will Graham would be down with the murder of innocents and cannibalism just because they want Hannigram. I feel like they lack an understanding of Will's character that they would probably be able to achieve if they could just take off their shipper goggles. Yes, Will loves Hannibal. Yes, he wants to be with him. Guess what? He also despises him and took them both off a cliff in a murder-suicide attempt. I believe Will talked with Alana about how he can't live with Hannibal, but can't live without him either. But the love he has for Hannibal doesn't suddenly make him want to kill innocent people, or kill people who Hannibal deems "rude." Will only ever kills serial killers, and yes, a part of him enjoys killing them and finds it "beautiful" but that's only because of how horrible they are. If they were the type of victims Hannibal chooses, Will wouldn't be finding it so beautiful. Will's also not down with cannibalism. The one time he ate human meat willingly - Randall Tier's when he was trying to trick Hannibal into thinking he killed Freddie - Will had a nightmare about bursting out of the raven stag and turning into a wendigo, and he did not look happy about it. It wasn't his "becoming"; he looked freaked out. I believe Bryan Fuller also said that Will wouldn't be in his right mind in season four (that he'd be out of his mind enough that even Hannibal wouldn't feel comfortable being sexually intimate with him, and that man shoved an ear down Will's throat while he was having black outs), so he can't really be held accountable for anything he would have done after the fall with Hannibal. He'd get the insanity plea so easily. Just because Will has a place at the table to eat Bedelia in the after credits scene doesn't mean Will was there in his right mind. It also doesn't necessarily mean Will was there willingly. After all, Jack had a place at the table to eat Will in the first half of season three, but he wasn't there willingly. I just don't think Will is this cannibal monster people want him to be in order for Hannigram to be a thing long-term and for them to live "happily ever after". Will wouldn't kill innocents. He'd kill serial killers, but not someone who was merely "rude" or in the wrong place at the wrong time. Will wouldn't happily become a cannibal either. Ultimately, Hannibal and Will will never be happy together because they are so fundamentally different. They were trying to ignore the worst in each other in order to enjoy the best, but how long can they truly do that? How long can Will do that? Again "can't live with him, can't live without him." Will's in love with Hannibal, but he hates what he does. If you think differently, you probably don't really understand Will Graham's character. I think of Will and Hannibal similar to how I think of the Joker and Harley Quinn. Harley never liked the things she and the Joker did. She only did them because she loved him and she had Stockholm Syndrome from the Joker having driven her crazy. Ultimately, she ends up leaving him and despising him in the end, because he is a kind of monster she can never be. Hannibal and Will are no different. Hannibal delights, whereas Will tolerates.
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Awful Characters Round 1 Part 1 (6/8)
Propaganda under the cut!
DIO BRANDO
why i like him: he’s evil, he’s funny, he’s a vampire, he’s a dick for no reason, he’s British, he’s bisexual, he stops time, and everything bad that happens in the series is his fault
why he deserves to be in: LITERALLY kicks puppies, that’s his THING. Ruins adoptive brother’s life just because he’s Mean and Evil. Kills people. Kills animals. Does weird horrible things to people for literally no reason. Turns people into zombies. Kisses women without their consent. Brainwashes people. Seduces lovers and sucks their blood while a weird old lady watches in the corner. Ruins generations of lives even after his ass is dead.
can you be cancelled by twitter users: yes absolutely
BELIAL
Belial is the primal beast/angel of cunning, and one of the main antagonist of the side story "What makes the sky blue". He's the very first primal in existence and had a profound romantic and sexual devotion for his creator, Lucilius. So profound that he commited all sort of crimes to get Lucilius's love and approval, and only got worse in worse when Lucilius only showed distate for him.
Mind you those were crimes Lucilius wanted him to do, but Belial was just never enough compared to the second primal beast, Lucifer, the angel overseeing Evolution.
List of crimes includes:
-Provoked like 3 attempted apocalypses
-Organized a group of rebel fallen angels in order to make them Lucilius's experiments subjects later, torturing all of them for thousand of years.
-When Lucilius was beheaded by Lucifer, Belial vowed to bring Lucilius back to life…. By organizing Lucifer's murder and beheading him in order to use Lucifer's corpse to sew Lucilius's head on it
-Also managed to blame Lucifer's boyfriend for Lucifer's death because "well it's your fault he died since he was trying to protect you so he wasn't fighting at his full strength :/"
-He is also extremely sexual and is constantly talking about wanting to orgasm on the spot, or engage in sexual intercourses with anyone he encounters
-Also the type of person who kills his one night stands after he's done with them.
-Calls torturing people for fun just himself indulging in his SM side.
-He's spoken a lot about his goal to Fuck Lucifer's Corpse, in front of Lucifer's boyfriend.
-Also is constantly doing sexual remarks to said boyfriend.
-He's torn the wings of the one person who was still loyal to him (technically to save his life but he lied that he was doing it just to torture him)
-Also he lies all the time and backstabbed everyone we ever see him make plans with
-Guilttripped the protagonist by faking his suicide
-Helped the protagonist at the last hour during their fight against Lucilius in order to be locked into an interdimensional prison for all of eternity with the man who hates his guts, out of love for him, while the guy couldn't think of a worst way to spend eternity.
-But by helping us i mean "gave us a ship, and then we learnt that he left a bomb on that ship, nearly killing us"
-Has been appearing in MC's dreams regularly to manipulate them into embracing a magic that will make MC his puppet
-Managed to mind control MC for long enough to have MC try to kill their soulmate.
-In the spin off fighting game he mind controlled a lot of people in the same way to make them his puppets and force them to try to kill their loved ones.
-He's described in the game as "Just, The Worst".
-Has this for theme song and we're supposed to think it's normal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2MHUJTciRg
Personally i like him a lot because there's Layers to his depravity, mainly also that the horny feels a lot like an act some of the time, and that he's ultimately a man with intense inferiority complex and self destructive because he wants the love of his uncaring creator at all cost.
He's fairly popular in the fanbase but i've somewhat also seen a LOT of takes about how you're a bad person if you stan him. Mainly i've once seen a call out post saying all fans of Granblue Fantasy are bad because "Belial is a pedophile" quickly followed by "but i never played granblue". Like. The dude's a canon necrophile why did you need to add a crime he didn't commit on the list. (pretty sure it was on the list since he's an immortal guy who's two thousands years old who flirts with mortal people so there is Always An Age Gap but didn't he commit worse than that by now.)
I've also seen some people hate him for how clingy he is to Lucilius and how he's earned all the abuse he recieves from his creator, but i don't know if those groups sweeped as low as to call his fans bad for it lmao.
Oh right and once he was trending on Twitter and a lot of catholic people started to cause an outrage because "how could the youth worship the demon Belial by making him an anime boy, you're all going to hell", it was fun!
There's a lot more problematic characters in the franchise that would honestly fit more to this prompt, but Belial is the only one who's popular enough to have people, even outside of the Granblue fanbase, make judgement on people who like him because he's Terrible.
pollrunner's note: belial's propaganda was all from one person and is supposed to be one big quote block but tumblr didn't like that so I had to split it up a little bit
#awful characters tournament#tournament poll#awful characters round 1#jjba#jojo's bizarre adventure#dio brando#granblue fantasy#belial gbf#wmtsb
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Dark Schmerz-o-meter analysis
AKA the comprehensive tier list of pain and suffering (fun!)
Characters are all ranked on a scale of S-E and are all relative to one another (yes, you can be sad and still go in E tier). To reiterate, they are NOT ranked based on how much I like them, how good their character is written, or suchlike (although there may be some correlation), this list ONLY takes into account how hard their life was, how much suffering they have had to endure, etc. Points are indeed taken away if you are the one actively causing the sadness (how much depends on e.g. whose idea it was/ how much enthusiasm you did it with).
(also I'm only referring to Adam's-World versions of the characters, unless otherwise specified, because we just have way more information about them)
Feel free to disagree/ counter-argue, this is just my list and my analysis (all for fun).
(OK I'll stop stalling) So why don't we get started with the best of the worst:
E Tier - You don't know what pain is
Hannah Kahnwald
She starts having the affair whilst she is STILL MARRIED (she was unawares that Michael was literally penning his suicide note whilst she was having a smooch with Ulrich) - she also has the inability to love imo, she just has the ability to love attention
She’s not even that good a mother either, she kinda leaves Jonas alone and is only really sad because she no longer has a mans to give her all that attention (PLUS her fling left her too, and then she has the AUDACITY to ask (not ask - FORCE) Alexander to DESTROY HIM for choosing to focus on his MISSING SON instead of HER!!!!!!
And then when Jonas leaves she’s just more attention-deprived so she thought about offing herself but then thought well if I’m dead no-one can pay attention to meeeeeee so decided against it
Then Jonas returns (33 years older but it is still her SON who displays AFFECTION towards her) and as soon as she finds out about time travel she’s like you know what this means? An opportunity to find more MEN, and she commits THEFT even though Jonas reeeeally needed that machine (she only cares about herself), and proceeds to go to Ulrich ONLY TO TELL HIM SHE HATES HIM BECAUSE HE TRIED TO SAVE HIS SON I MEAN WHO DOES THAT
yes I am well aware that he was unable to say he loves her when she did but I will get more in depth with that later and I mean, come on, man has other priorities, could you really not get him out of prison???? so he can save his son???????
And then obviously she promptly moves on to the first man she sees (married, but she doesn’t care of course) (it’s the guy she reported Ulrich to way back when in the future/past, but she doesn’t care of course) AND HAS THE AUDACITY TO SAY SHE LOST EVERYTHING like MADAM you did not care about your husband, your boyfriend only mattered because he gave you attention, and your SON has RETURNED with all the LOVE he has LEFT from this CAR CRASH of a reality and you RUN AWAY FROM HIM WHILST HE IS ASLEEP AND YOU SAY YOU LOST EVERYTHING MA’AM YOU ARE TO BLAME FOR EVERYTHING I ACTUALLY CAN’T WITH THIS WOMAN-
I’m convinced she has a soft spot for kids because i can’t imagine what other reason she really has for having Silja (she obviously never loved Egon) so she has her and then she gets taken to Jonas and PRETENDS like NOTHING ever happened, like she didn't abandon him when he returned to her to go have a kid with someone else and she didn't steal his most important possession
And then YES she is tragically killed by her own son (which is usually a trait of someone very high up on the list (RIP in pepperonis Bartosz you are loved) but I don't care, she deserved it, otherwise the family tree would be 100 times more kaput if she was allowed to populate it even more, especially if she still has access to the machine) and that’s it, she gets a shut up/die
Ines Kahnwald
So people seem to be opinionated both ways with this one but here we go
I guess she WAS doing everything for Michael’s own good - he rocks up with no family or anything to speak of, he’s real scared and sad and she does in fact take him in when otherwise he would have been homeless jobless lifeless so yay Ines
And yeah I guess you could say it’s hard on her when he’s distant from her and everything but like? What did you expect? That’s not your real son bro???
And then she has to deal with his suicide (but again, he was kinda distant anyway it seems) and you get alienated by Hannah (honestly a good thing) but all in all it is nothing in comparison so you get a meh/maybe I don't actually care all that much, Hannah has taken all my energy
Doris Tiedemann
You did cheat on your husband. Idc who, why, with who, whatever, if you cheat then you a bitch for that and i have nothing more to say on the matter
Yeah then Agnes goes missing, then they potentially reunite, it’s all tame in comparison let’s be honest, idk/idc
Anyone else who I do not mention in any tier is either not a particularly significant character or they do not compare :) stay tuned for D Tier if you want
#dark netflix#netflix dark#hannah kahnwald#ines kahnwald#doris tiedemann#schmerz-o-meter#i need a break from the aneurism hannah put me through#ice tea imported from england#now is not time for high school musical#but anyway#i already planned on making this a series even if no-one cares#I DO#so im doing this for myself bye
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How ‘good’ is Arcade, really?
I really like thinking about the companions’ desired endings. And how messed up they are (apart from Lily’s and Raul’s, which don’t really have the same moral implications anyway)
Cass wants to give into her bloodlust and doesn’t mind killing a lot of innocent people along with the actually guilty
Veronica hates everything the Brotherhood is going to do, but unless you prise her away from them with a crowbar, she will just grit her teeth and help them commit what she believes are atrocities
Boone wants you to side with NCR, though he has misgivings; and he doesn’t believe he’s capable of redemption. If you go along with his preferences, he’ll die in a murder-suicide. If you put more weight on his misgivings, he’ll become a heartless assassin!
But the worst is Arcade. We already know Cass has a temper, Veronica is a coward and Boone is violent - it’s more or less how we’re introduced to them. It makes sense that things end the way they do for these characters if we don’t set them on better paths. But Arcade? Everyone thinks he’s some kind of moral paragon, and I can see why, but it’s just not true!
Arcade’s preferred ending is to fight for an independent Vegas. There’s nothing wrong with this on paper, but the way he actually does it?
He really wants you to believe, and possibly really believes himself, that he hates the NCR for good Followers reasons, and not the way Orion Moreno hates the people who defeated the Enclave. If this were true, he would probably have a more Followers-looking solution for Freeside than stomping around in his daddy’s fascist boots, very literally.
His ending slide in this case says “Arcade used his Enclave knowledge and technology to keep order wherever he could”. If you know anything about the Enclave - and it’s quite possible your Courier doesn’t at this point, because everyone including Arcade is very cagey about what exactly the Enclave used to get up to (even Johnson, the one with the most conscience amongst them, makes it sound no worse than the NCR!) - you know this is very very bad.
But how does this even happen? The ending where Arcade fights on behalf of the NCR says that it’s not just that NCR will arrest him in their territory but that he’ll be “pursued by bounty hunters, NCR rangers, and the Brotherhood of Steel”. These people could easily hunt Arcade down if he remained in Freeside, so why don’t they? We also know the NCR can easily wipe out the Kings if they want (I mean, the Van Graffs got halfway there with only a handful of men), and they don’t have to be worried about diplomatic problems with Mojave locals any more in this ending.
It also says Arcade is forced out of the Followers, which may simply be because they don’t want to be seen as harbouring him, but it may be because they themselves won’t tolerate him (for a variety of reasons which I’m sure includes the parallels between Arcade & the Courier and Edward Sallow & Joshua Graham). All of which makes this ending even more baffling! It could be that the people in Freeside are hiding him to some extent, but whether this is due to fear or adoration (or both) is hard to guess.
What is his new position in an independent Freeside, if it’s not just ‘big bloke with a big gun’? If you go for an independent Vegas but convince him not to fight - meaning you have his power armour - instead of the spooky obviously Enclave stuff, you’re told “Arcade did his best to help the locals govern themselves”. This is the man who tells you straight up he’s not a people-person, so are we really supposed to believe he’s talking to people? And like, what is there to help with? The Kings already have it in hand, don’t they? This is Arcade’s own stated beliefs about independence - he’s no Benny. He never breathes a word about wanting to have a hand in running things himself. If things are worse in the direct aftermath of the fighting, is it not more Arcade’s job to be patching people up? If we’re to believe that his adventures with the Courier have helped him get over the personal issues that made him complain about being a bad doctor (and I do), then why doesn’t he use this personal growth for that, and not for whatever the hell he’s started playing at?
Because he can! And he still wants to! And he wants similar things, too. The only ending in which Arcade not only remains with the Followers, but remains recognisably a Follower, is an NCR victory, in which he gives up on Freeside and goes home to the Boneyard to be a teacher. As if the people in Freeside don’t still need his help, probably now more than ever? And these people literally know him and love him and greet him on the street (which is despite his efforts to be inconspicuous, despite his efforts to avoid people, and despite him working as a researcher - if it’s not that he’s often treating people either because he’s a skilled surgeon or because the Followers are understaffed, and I think it’s both, then it’s only because he’s so kind to people and so charming! But claiming to be bad with people).
But his membership in the Followers was never really about helping people - probably more about the access to education and technology he could get with them. (And maybe some kind of teenage rebellion - the Followers are about as opposite to the Enclave as you can get.) I know, this sounds so harsh, but it’s true! In his other endings, if Arcade is neither dead, nor on the run, nor a slave, he gives up on the Followers entirely and goes into private medicine. Does he really seem like he’s devoted to their mission?
Obviously there is nothing wrong with being a doctor, and I think his attraction to medicine really does stem from wanting to help people, as he claims. But his story is about more than a man with no bedside manner who wants to be a doctor. This is a man whose morals take him so far as realising that he shouldn’t want to be his dad - but he still does. So he wants to be a new version. An Enclave officer who defends helpless wastelanders and fights evil!!! It’s a child’s idea and when it meets the real world, he either gives up on it or he gives in to it.
Arcade may have never been truly Enclave himself, but he’s never been close to anyone outside the Enclave, either. He tells you he’s never had a lover he felt he could confide in; he’s never had a close female friend; and though it’s kind of a joke, it seems like he’s used to being blanked by other Followers. Even then, it seems like after his mother’s death he’s only close to Daisy and to a lesser extent Judah - Arcade kind of implies Daisy is a substitute mother to him, though he doesn’t go into it, and Judah recognises him and knows that the Courier is a new friend, implying he’s visited recently (potentially only when he was in Westside with Tom Anderson - it also implies that Judah knows Arcade doesn’t have any friends!!). The other remnants don’t really care, apart from Johnson - but he doesn’t immediately recognise Arcade’s adult appearance, so this is clearly a reunion for them more than a catchup.
It’s obvious when you meet Cass and Boone that they don’t have anyone (though in Boone’s case this is more self-inflicted, and no, I’m not just being mean about Carla lmao) and it quickly becomes obvious that Veronica is more or less in thrall to the Brotherhood. It’s not so obvious that Arcade has all of these problems and more. It seems like he’s more together than the other three. He doesn’t need help with any kind of personal problems, and he can not only give you his personal opinions about the political situation but what seems like good advice, from someone who admits to reading political textbooks for fun.
And all of this disguises that he’s the most messed up of the lot, and that he not only has the greatest capacity for evil (I never get over the Caesar comparisons. He can also be the Joshua Graham to your Courier’s Caesar, of course!) but has the greatest desire for it. And this is actually strengthened by both his desire to do good and his fear of doing harm (the position he’s put himself in, with doing whatever Julie tells him to - which ought to involve human experimentation, but apparently doesn’t - is fascinating). Obviously evil people are obviously scary, but it’s a one-dimensional fear. The only thing scarier than someone like Boone or Johnson who will carry out awful orders and then cry about it is the one who’ll give those orders and then cry about it. And that’s Arcade - or what he’s trying not to be, or trying to be, or both. And that’s why he’s my favourite character!
#i love arcade so much i wrote a little essay about how he's secretly a bad person lmao. no i don't think he's bad. just complex#fallout new vegas#arcade gannon#followers of the apocalypse#fnv companions#veronica santangelo#rose of sharon cassidy#craig boone#fnv#arcade#veronica#cass#boone#followers#enclave remnants
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Shelter From The Storm - Steddie
Page Six
<< Page Five | Series Photo Album | AO3 | Page Seven>>
summary: “Who are you?” Jack’s voice questions with mild irritation.
“Go wait for Eddie in the bedroom, sweetheart,” Wayne’s voice says gently.
“And who is this cute little thing? Why didn’t you tell me I’m a grandpa, Wayne?”
That voice makes Eddie’s blood run cold. His heart slams to a standstill, but the rest of him is on the move. He barges into the trailer, nostrils flaring. His stomach is sent roiling as he makes eye contact with a man around Wayne's age, just with more hair and meaner eyes. His face is rounder, but the relation is still clear.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Eddie demands.
Jack darts to cling to Eddie’s legs. He instinctively places her behind him, never taking his eyes off the asshole in front of him.
“C’mon, Ed, it's the holiday. You can't even give your old man a simple hello?” He grins sharply.
wc: 11.2k
series tags/notes: Steddie Dadfic, single dad!Steve Harrington, Music Teacher!Eddie Munson, girl dad Steve, Jewish Eddie, Steve's parents are The Worst, mentions/talks about past abuse, complicated family dynamics, pretty Steve-centric, implied past suicide, talks about illness and death, Fluff, angst, mutual pining, slow burn.
page warnings: depictions of violence and references to past child abuse
The move won't happen until around Jack’s seventh birthday. That's what they decided. Steve wants to make sure Jack can sleep in her own room before making any big changes. It’s not an easy adjustment when they're at Eddie’s. The first time Steve told her no to her climbing in bed with them he thought he might cry just as hard as she did. It doesn't get much easier from there. She always tries and he always says no.
“God, I fucking hate this,” Eddie breathes one night.
The wind howls outside the windows as snow coats everything. They're on their backs lying awake in bed listening to Jack’s cries in the other room.
“I know, me too,” Steve sighs.
“Does this get any easier?”
Tired and a touch irritated from the overstimulation of constant cries, Steve jumps to the worst conclusion.
“What? Being a parent? I hate to break it to you, Eds, but it's hard and it always will be. If that's not something you're sure you want-”
“I’m sure. I know I want this,” Eddie states without hesitation.
A smile crawls onto Steve’s face in the dark at Eddie’s words. They comfort Steve immensely. It's easy to slip into insecurity still.
“What do you want her to call you?” He asks quietly, hoping a change in topics will be enough to distract them.
“What d'you mean?”
“Do you want to be dad or just Eddie ?”
Eddie stares into the dark for a moment. It’s not something he’s really thought about. He knows he wants to be Jack’s dad. He wants to be seen as Jack’s dad. He wants Jack to see him as her dad.
“I think… I want to be dad , i-if that's okay,” he answers.
Steve turns onto his side. He wraps a warm heavy arm around Eddie’s torso.
“That's more than okay. I want you to be dad too,” he tells him.
Eddie smiles as he turns in Steve's hold. This way they can bury their faces in each other’s necks. Jack’s cries soon fade out allowing for sleep to edge in. They fall asleep breathing in each other’s scents. The next morning Eddie wakes up first. He makes sure Jack doesn't sleep in too late and takes care of her morning routine. She seems over the betrayal of leaving her alone in the room, much to Eddie’s relief.
Jack and Eddie enjoy their morning together. It's always a nice snapshot of what's to come. Plus, Steve can be grumpy in the morning which in turn makes Jack grumpy. Eddie never gives her a chance to get grumpy. He wakes her with tickles, dinosaur soup already made and steaming for her on the table. He’s even taken to making some for himself. Some mornings she asks to play the guitar, others she just wants to curl up on the couch and watch cartoons. This is a guitar kind of morning.
Steve comes out while Jack is strumming away on Eddie’s six-string. Eddie himself is doing the dishes from breakfast. Jack beams at Steve but doesn't cease her playing. He plants a kiss on the top of her head before moving on to the kitchen. When Eddie comes into view Steve slows and tries to be quiet.
“There’s coffee in the pot,” Eddie says before Steve can surprise him.
“How’d you know I was here?” Steve whines playfully as he gets himself a mug.
“Jack changed what she was playing,” Eddie turns and gives him a quick kiss, “This one’s your song. Last one was mine.”
“What?” Steve’s brows furrow as he pours his coffee.
“Kinda like a theme song,” Eddie shrugs.
“She has one for both of us?”
“I think she has one for everyone. It’s something I started noticing a few weeks ago.”
Steve pauses and just listens. The sound of the running water dies as Eddie finishes the dishes. Soon all Steve can hear is the strumming of a light and airy song. It’s steady, rhythmic, and comforting. Jack’s song for Steve is the kind of song you could put on as you read by a crackling fire on a freezing winter day.
“Yours is my favorite one,” Eddie comments with a smile.
“She’s amazing,” Steve breathes in wonder.
No matter what, Jack always manages to make these moments. Moments where she knocks him into a stupor with how smart and sweet she is. Moments where Steve is sure she’s the most talented kid on the planet. Moments when he's just absolutely astounded by how amazing his daughter is.
“You’re telling me. She's a few months away from playing circles around me. I’ve never seen anything like it,” Eddie chuckles.
The song changes to something quicker, a little more lively, and erratic. Steve realizes it's what Jack was playing when he first came out. It’s her song for Eddie. He watches Eddie’s face melt into something drowning in affection as the song change hits him.
“Let me take you on a date. Like a real one, just us. We can go out somewhere for food, maybe catch a movie,” Steve suggests.
Eddie beams at him.
“Pick me up at six?”
“Let's make it five so that way we can drop Jack off together. I’ll start asking around for a sitter,” Steve smiles brightly.
His heart is fluttering at the prospect of taking Eddie on a real bonafide date. They've never truly been together without Jack. She’s always there either playing, sleeping, or practicing music. It’s something they both love, but to have time with only each other? That’s a precious commodity that won't ever come often enough.
“I’m sure Wayne will be up for it,” Eddie says.
“Are you sure? I was going to ask Rob. I know she’s off tonight,” Steve furrows his brows.
Eddie steps up to him, closing any space that may have remained. One hand rests on the base of Steve’s neck where it meets his shoulder, warming him through his shirt. His free hand finds Steve’s eyebrows. Once there, his thumb gently smooths out the wrinkle between them and eases the frequent scrunching of Steve’s eyebrows. A small smile crawls onto Steve’s lips as he relaxes his face under Eddie’s touch.
“You can ask whoever you want, but I just wanted to remind you that Wayne is there too. We’re kind of a package deal,” Eddie scrunches his own face in a dramatic display of his seriousness in the most unserious way possible.
“She does seem to like him.”
“The Munson charm is hard to beat.”
“Ain't that the truth,” Steve huffs a wry laugh.
“You’re just mad it seems to be especially strong against Harringtons,” Eddie teases.
The hand that smoothed Steve’s eyebrows rakes through Steve’s soft hair. Steve closes his eyes at the sensation, just enjoying it. He hums in subtle agreement with Eddie’s words. The Munson charm does seem to work on the Harringtons just a bit more than anyone else.
They end up dropping Jack off with Robin around five. Mostly because she offers, really she insists , on making it a sleepover with Jack. Jack is elated at the idea, forgetting entirely that Eddie and Steve would be off together without her. It was a sore subject when they brought it up to her.
Neither of them dresses especially nicely. They opt for Benny’s over the more expensive and fancier option across town, Enzo’s. Expensive and fancy don't feel like them. Perhaps it would have felt like Steve at one point, but certainly not anymore. Burgers and beers at Benny’s, however, definitely do. The laid-back environment allows them to be relaxed and not as nervous as they could be. Although, Steve is definitely still visibly nervous. He fidgets with his fingers on the table and anxiously glances between Eddie and the drink before him.
“You going shy on me, Stevie?” Eddie prods playfully, nudging Steve's sneaker with his boot under the table.
“I- uh- I haven't been on a date since before Jack was born,” Steve admits with a small dry chuckle.
Eddie laughs, to Steve’s dismay. When Steve’s face drops, Eddie quickly reassured him.
“I’ve actually never been on a real date,” Eddie tells him with a goofy smile.
Steve’s eyebrows shoot up.
“Really?”
“Yeah,” Eddie shrugs, “people weren't fighting to go out with me in high school. Besides, if any girls had a crush on me it wouldn’t have mattered. I’m not exactly a ladies' man, y’know.”
Steve chews on that for a moment. He tentatively reaches across the small table and takes Eddie’s ringed hand into his own.
“Have you ever thought about what would be different if we started seeing each other in high school?” He asks with warm wondrous eyes.
Eddie frowns a bit and shakes his head.
“Honestly, I’m glad we didn't.”
“Why?”
“Well, we wouldn't have Jack, for one,” he raises his eyebrows at Steve.
Steve smiles and rolls his eyes.
“That’s a cop-out and you know it. Did… did you not like me back then?” The question comes out more insecure than Steve likes.
Eddie barks a laugh.
“I tried not to, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn't ogling at your ass in those light blue Levi's. It’s me I didn't like. Why d’you think I was always showing off so much?” He chuckles wryly.
“I dunno, I just thought you liked the attention. Why d'you think I never gave it to you?” Steve chuckles in return, blush burning across his face.
“I was compensating. Everyone hates you long enough and you start to think maybe they have a point,” Eddie shrugs with a sad smile.
It breaks Steve’s heart to hear. He wishes he wasn't so caught up in himself in high school. He wishes he hadn't been too shallow to try to talk to Eddie. Eddie had been right, though. Then they wouldn't have Jack. Jack, who is the light of their life. Jack, who is the reason they’re even together in the first place. Without Jack, they never would have crossed paths again in such a meaningful way.
“I never hated you,” Steve tells him softly.
Eddie looks at him with wide coffee-brown eyes. A light dusting of color takes over his cheeks.
“Sure you did,” he says dismissively, “You were King Steve . We were natural enemies.”
“Yet, you were ogling my ass in my light blue Levi’s,” Steve arches a playful eyebrow.
“What can I say,” Eddie shrugs, “you’ve got a nice ass, Harrington.”
Eddie tilts the neck of his beer bottle toward Steve briefly before taking a swig. Steve chuckles as he takes a swig of his own.
“I never hated you, Eds,” he states again, “Actually, it was the opposite.”
“You liked me?” Eddie scoffs in disbelief.
“I respected you at the very least. You were the only one that didn't treat Sarah like a pariah. I did what I could, but no one listened to me. You were the only person I never had to defend her against,” Steve explains.
“Yeah, people were dicks. She sat with us during lunch the last couple of months, but she wouldn't talk about anything too much. I remember…” Eddie trails off and then bursts out laughing.
“What?” Steve laughs.
“I remember telling her the kid was an honorary Hellfire member. Guess I was more right than I realized,” he says.
Steve laughs harder, shaking his head.
“I’m starting to think you were meant to be Jack’s dad.”
The comment comes so offhandedly, but it stops Eddie completely. He studies every crease in Steve’s face as he smiles. He lets the words sink deep into his chest, like talons into his heart.
“You think so?” He asks a little breathlessly.
Steve seems to realize the weight of what he’s said to someone he’s only officially been dating for a little more than a month. His face falls into something insecure. He goes to pull his hand back, but Eddie holds on tighter when he tries.
“I’m sorr-”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Stevie. I like that you feel that way because… Well, I do too. I think I was always meant to be with you two in whatever way you’d let me. I’m just really fucking happy you’re letting me be with you this way,” Eddie informs him warmly with a squeeze of his hand.
“I’m really fucking happy too,” Steve says softly with a smile.
They’re busy staring affectionately into each other’s eyes when Benny brings their food over. He places the plates in front of them but doesn't leave immediately. Instead, he clasps a hand on Steve’s shoulder and asks about Jack.
“She’s doing good. She’s been learning guitar and piano over at Eddie’s,” Steve nods toward the man in question.
Benny’s eyes skirt over their hands as they move to Eddie. It’s a relief to see a warm smile on his face. He nods cordially.
“Mordor Music, right? Just down the street?”
“That’s me,” Eddie confirms with a smile of his own, “Honestly, I don't know how much I’m teaching her at this point. She was born knowing how to play, I swear.”
“I believe it. That kid’s smart as a whip,” Benny chuckles.
“It helps that she’s got such a good dad,” Eddie says.
Steve can feel the fire evident on his cheeks.
“She sure does,” Benny agrees with a squeeze of Steve’s shoulder.
He leaves them to eat after that, throwing an approving smile at Steve as he does. The rest of dinner goes about the same. They take turns teasing and embarrassing each other all in the name of love. Steve can't remember the last time he’s laughed this much with someone. Eddie can't remember the last time he felt at ease with someone. He’s usually a poorly hidden bundle of nervous energy looking to get out.
Steve drives them back to Eddie’s. The guitar above his couch is missing. He allowed Jack to take it with her in a compromise for her cooperation. He had a serious talk with her about its importance. She nodded like a dutiful soldier, both hands around the neck of the guitar. Steve catches Eddie glancing at the empty space a couple of times as they take their shoes and coats off.
“You really didn't have to let her take it,” Steve says as he places his well-kept white sneakers beside Eddie’s kicked-off scuffed boots.
“I trust her. It’s just been a long time since I’ve been away from it,” Eddie walks across the living room to the stereo that's placed in the television stand and begins fussing with the collection of tapes.
Steve follows until he’s in the middle of the room.
“Can I ask why Wayne seemed surprised you let her play it?” Steve asks cautiously.
Eddie pauses by the stereo. He sighs.
“It was my mom’s. It’s the only thing of her’s I have. My dad either destroyed or threw out everything else. I managed to save the guitar by getting Wayne to take it. A couple other smaller things,” he explains.
“Eds, she really doesn't have to play it. We can get her a guitar.”
“No, it’s okay. I like seeing her play it. It makes me feel a little closer to my mom.”
Steve swallows back tears. Eddie’s face is so soft and sincere. All Steve can do is nod. He’s too afraid of his voice wavering to speak. Eddie pops a tape in the stereo. As he makes his way over to Steve a familiar song starts to softly drift through the air. Eddie places his hands on Steve’s hips. Steve mindlessly throws his arms around Eddie’s neck, hands shamelessly playing with his hair.
“Madonna?” Steve questions quietly with a smile.
Eddie gets his own grin as he looks at Steve through hooded lids.
“Dustin may have mentioned something about you and Madonna,” he answers coyly.
They sway gently together like they're teenagers at prom. Eddie presses his forehead against Steve’s.
“You’re so pretty, Stevie,” he whispers.
For what seems like the millionth time that night, Steve blushes deep red.
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not. You’ve got the prettiest face I’ve ever seen. Pretty brown eyes, pretty nose, and those pretty lips I never wanna stop kissing,” he drawls.
“Then kiss them, big boy.”
Eddie flashes a wolfish grin before ducking in to kiss Steve. Eddie kisses him with such fervor it lights every bit of Steve on fire. They move to Eddie’s bedroom, never daring to break apart. Steve starts pawing at Eddie’s shirt as they pass through the threshold. Eddie pauses then, pulling away just enough to look Steve in his lust-blown eyes.
“Are you sure?” He checks.
Madonna’s Crazy For You can still be heard through the open door.
“I’m sure,” Steve nods.
They’re kissing again furiously to make up for the lost moments they spent speaking. It doesn't take long for their clothes to pile onto the floor. Soon after that Madonna’s voice is drowned out by their own.
Eddie wakes up first in the morning, to no surprise. He doesn't leave bed this time, though. There’s no Jack to wake up to allow Steve to sleep in. There’s just the two of them, skin to skin, tangled together under his comforter. Steve’s face is pressed into Eddie’s chest as he breathes evenly. Eddie revels in the warmth of him. He revels in the glow of the night before. Nothing in his life has ever felt so right.
He doesn't move until Steve stirs thirty minutes later. Steve blinks long lashes up at him with a sleep-dazed smile.
“G’mornin’,” he murmurs.
Eddie’s heart soars at the image of him.
“‘Mornin’, baby girl.”
Steve's face scrunches, the morning drowsiness dramatizing his expressions.
“ Baby girl ?” He questions groggily.
“Yeah, I can’t help it when you look all soft and cute like that,” Eddie croons.
“But baby girl?”
“What, you don't like it?” Eddie pouts.
“I didn't say that.”
“So you do like it.”
Steve groans and buries his face in Eddie’s chest. A chuckle vibrates against Steve's forehead.
“C’mon, baby girl. We got a kid to go get.”
Steve groans again causing Eddie to full-on laugh. They spent another twenty minutes like that. Eddie ceaselessly calls Steve baby girl , flustering him to the fullest potential. He does it all the way up until Robin answers her door. When she does Eddie is grinning like a maniac while Steve is a blushing mess. A fluid, quick, frantic tune can be heard from further in her apartment.
“Fun night?” She smirks.
“Oh, you have no idea , Buckley,” Eddie says.
Steve elbows him lightly. Robin just laughs and steps aside so they can enter. Jack strums away at the guitar on the couch. She’s still in her pajamas. When she notices Steve and Eddie her strumming ceases. She places the guitar on the couch next to her with the utmost care before bounding over to them. They sandwich her in a hug and she wastes no time gushing about her girls' night with Auntie Rob.
“Can we have another girls' night soon?” She asks the three of them.
Robin shoots them a smirk.
“We sure can, menace,” she answers.
Steve’s mother shows up at Roann County Community College a few weeks before Christmas. He’s changing the garbage in a classroom on a perfectly boring Wednesday. His breath halts when he notices his mother standing in the doorway. She’s as manicured as usual. Her hands are clasped in front of her as she gives him an indiscernible look.
“Steven,” she says gently.
“Mom, what are you doing here?” He asks bluntly.
“I… Well, I don't know where you live and I need to speak with you,” she sighs.
“Okay… Just, close the door.”
She nods and does as he says. Steve leans back on the desk at the front of the room and crosses his arms. His mother’s heels click as they make their way closer to him. She stops five feet away.
“I know I haven't been a perfect parent. There are many things I wish I fought harder, but your father… The point is, I’m sorry, Steven. I know that no apology from me could ever be enough after everything I let him get away with, but I’m not letting him get away with anything anymore. I know it's too late, but it’s the least I can do,” she tells him, holding back her nerves.
Steve watches her with wide eyes. A lump sits firmly in his throat. Here his mother is, standing before him in an attempt to assuage her guilt for being useless in everything.
“What are you saying exactly?” He asks hoarsely.
“I’m giving you and Jack an inheritance. I’m selling the house. You’ll be getting fifty thousand each,” she states.
Steve’s knees go weak, but the desk saves him from wobbling. His arms uncross to allow his hands to grip the edge of the fake wood. A hundred thousand dollars. More money than Steve ever hoped to see in his life once he was on his own.
“What’s the catch?”
“There is none. You don't even have to speak to me ever again if you don't want to. I would like to leave you my new phone number, though. For if you ever find yourself wanting to use it,” she explains, voice growing ever softer.
Steve rubs the corners of his mouth with one hand as the other grips the edge of the desk. His heart pounds in his ears. None of this feels real. He stares his mother in her eyes which look too much like his. She places a neatly folded piece of paper on the desk next to her. He truly thought for sure he would never hear from her again after the funeral. Is this a trick? A game?
“I’m with Eddie. Jack and I are going to move in with him. No amount of money is going to change that,” he tells her firmly.
“I don't expect it to. Jack has two parents who clearly love her. I don’t want to take that from her. I’m… I really am happy for you, Steven. I’ll mail you the check when it comes in,” she answers.
Steve nods as he takes it all in. Somehow he feels so very heavy and so completely light.
“Th- thank you,” he croaks.
She gives him one last smile before leaving. Steve stays where he is for a few more minutes trying to regain his composure. Once he does, he continues his shift trying his best not to think too hard. Any time he did his heart would start racing in his throat again. By the time he gets off his head is spinning. Jack is with Grandma Buck today, but Steve goes straight to Mordor Music.
When he walks in Eddie is checking out some teenagers with a stack of records. He makes recommendations based on what they have picked out. The kids say something that makes him laugh, showing off a beautiful smile that Steve can't get enough of. Today Eddie has his hair up in a sloppy bun, his nail polish is chipped, and he wears Steve’s work coat over a plain black sweater. It fills Steve with a buzzing happiness in his gut.
The kids bid Eddie goodbye. They seem to be regulars. As they pass Steve, Eddie’s eyes find him. A bright smile takes over his face but falters when he really takes him in.
“What’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he says, coming out from behind the counter.
Steve meets him halfway with a hug. It’s tight, but brief because Eddie won't let him get away with the distraction for that long. He holds Steve by his upper arms and studies his face.
“My mom stopped by the college today,” Steve sighs.
“What the fuck did she want?” Eddie scoffs.
“She’s giving us an inheritance. She… she’s giving us a hundred grand.”
Eddie blinks at Steve for a moment with wide eyes.
“Holy shit,” he breathes.
“Yeah,” Steve agrees.
“Holy shit,” Eddie shakes him a little bit.
“I know,” he chuckles.
“Are you on your way to get Jack?”
Steve nods.
“What d'you say you two come over for dinner later?”
“We’ll be there.”
They spend a lot of dinners together, but Eddie is especially excited about this one. It's not done by any means, but he’s started making the guest room into Jack’s room. He plans to do more, but he thinks there's enough to make the nights alone there easier. To make it feel like home for her.
After dinner that night he makes a big deal out of the reveal. He makes Steve give him a drumroll on the wall. Jack swings open the door and gasps. It looks mostly the same, but the bedspread is dotted with stars like hers at home. The posters around the bed are gone. They’ve been replaced by shiny black bat decals that swarm across the wall. They’re positioned in such a way that they really resembled the bats from the Scooby Doo Where Are You? opening.
Jack bounces up to her bed and climbs up to stand on it. She points excitedly at the bats and beams at them.
“Daddy, look! Bats like mine!”
“Those bats are yours, sweet girl,” Eddie tells her.
Her inky eyes go huge.
“They are?”
“Yeah, when you’re here this is your room. Those little guys are yours,” he smiles.
Jack falls back onto the bed absolutely giddy. Steve wraps his arms around Eddie from behind, placing his chin on Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie’s hands clasp over Steve’s on his stomach.
“Thank you,” Steve whispers into Eddie’s ear.
“There’s nothing to thank me for,” Eddie whispers back.
“There’s everything to thank you for.”
Steve kisses Eddie’s cheekbone, chaste and sweet. Then he’s tackling Jack into the bed and tickles her until she’s giggling like mad. Eddie watches on with a fond smile, loving every bit of this. He loves these two Harringtons with every fiber of his being and he plans to tack Munson onto their last names one day.
The piano contest is in February. They have until January fifteenth to sign Jack up, but they needed a song. Picking a song turns out to be much harder than they expect. Every suggestion Jack shakes her head no to. When they ask what she wants to play she just shrugs. She’s taken to searching the store for any albums that pique her interest and even Eddie’s own collection at home. Nothing has grabbed her yet. When asked what she's looking for in a song she struggles to form the words. She just says all the ones she's found or has been offered to her are too easy, which means they're boring .
Then Jack finds it. There’s an old milk crate in Eddie’s closet with a few frayed album sleeves. She drags the crate out into the living room where Steve and Eddie are too engrossed in Scooby Doo to notice her brief disappearance. The movement draws their attention, though. Eddie looks a little panicked whereas Steve looks confused.
“I found your secret music,” she tells Eddie with a toothy grin.
“Yeah, you sure did,” he chuckles nervously.
“Secret music?” Steve asks.
“I keep it at the back of my closet. They're my mom’s favorite records. Not her original ones, but the first presses I’ve come across,” he explains.
Steve spends a minute scolding Jack for invading Eddie’s privacy. She apologizes and Eddie forgives her. Although, he was never really mad, to begin with. More like concerned for the health and safety of those records. He answers all her questions about them including which songs were his mom’s favorites. Then she made him play them all. The three of them dance to Billy Joel in the living room, Jack giggling like crazy. By the end of the last album, they're all breathing heavily with giant smiles. Jack gestures for Steve to come closer so she can say something in his ear.
He does so curiously. She cups her hands around her mouth at his ear.
“Are you sure?” He asks.
She nods with a smile. Steve smiles over at Eddie.
“She picked out a song, but she wants it to be a surprise for you,” he says.
Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up. A soft smile toys with the corners of his mouth.
“A surprise for me?”
“Yes! No watching me practice,” Jack wags a stern finger at him.
He puts his hands up in surrender.
“I won't, I promise,” he assures her.
She seems satisfied with that. Steve honestly is a little bit nervous about her song choice. He knows she’s more than capable of playing circles around these kids, but she picked a doozy. It’s fast , and all over the place. It just sounds complicated to Steve. He can't imagine her tiny hands having an easy time playing it. He knows Jack does nothing but surprise him. So, he signs her up to play Falling of the Rain by Billy Joel. Eddie moves her keyboard at the store into an empty lesson room so she can practice in privacy when she’s there.
As the holidays approach a conversation Eddie has yet to have with Steve looms over him. Steve automatically starts talking to Eddie about Christmas plans. At first, Eddie simply smiles and nods. It's never come up that he doesn't celebrate the same holidays as them. For Christmas, Steve agrees to let Eddie buy Jack one instrument. It actually tears him apart. On the one hand, he really wants to get her the guitar she’s eyed many times with the emerald green rosette. On the other hand, he wants her to be able to practice for the competition at home too so an electric piano makes more sense. He spends a few days agonizing over it before coming up with an idea.
“What if the store loans her an instrument?” Eddie suggests one night over the phone after Jack was sound asleep.
“Like what?” Steve questions suspiciously.
He’s been wary about Eddie and giving Jack instruments since the tambourine. Which he still has to bribe away from Jack some nights.
“I've got a Casio just begging to be used. You can bring it back to the store after the competition. This way she can get in as much practice as possible,” Eddie pleads his case.
“And this is something music stores normally do for their students?”
“I mean… There are usually a few more strings attached, but-”
“Eddie, I don't want her getting special treatment just because we’re dating,” Steve protests.
“I don't know if you’ve noticed, but Jack’s always gotten special treatment. It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the fact that I know the kinds of kids she’s going to be up against in situations like this. In auditions for schools and shit- the real selective stuff that I know she can get. They’re all going to have way more money and resources,” Eddie says.
“You’ve said yourself that Jack can outplay any of those kids. She has the talent to earn her way.”
“Steve, I’m talking teachers that cost hundreds of thousands a year, top-of-the-line instruments, classical training . Even without all of that, Jack has more raw talent than any of them, but at the end of the day… it’s not all about that. Gareth's a great piano teacher, but he’s no Beethoven. Jack, well, she could be Beethoven. Why not give her every advantage we can along the way? Even with those advantages she’s going to be at a disadvantage, trust me,” Eddie’s voice is soft, but earnest in their delivery.
Steve stays quiet as he turns the words over in his head. He wishes it took longer for him to come to his decision.
“I know what you're doing,” he grumbles.
“What?” Eddie asks innocently.
“Manipulation is playing dirty, Munson,” he chides.
“Is it working, though?”
“Yeah,” Steve sighs.
The next day Eddie is setting the Casio up in the corner of Steve’s tiny living room. He made sure she could use her headphones with it. Steve pouts the entire time. Until Eddie finishes and pulls him into a kiss. After that, Steve can't help smiling.
“While I have you here, we should figure out how we’re doing Christmas. Wayne is always welcome to come-”
“Uh- actually, I was gonna talk to you about that,” Eddie interrupts awkwardly, the looming conversation finally arrives.
“Oh… Is everything okay?” Steve suddenly becomes very worried.
Eddie seems almost nervous and it does nothing to help ease Steve.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. I've been meanin’ to invite you two over to Wayne’s this weekend,” Eddie clears his throat, “but I’ve been a little anxious.”
“Why?”
Steve cups Eddie’s face to make him look at him. There's an uncharacteristic insecurity there.
“Chanukah starts this weekend,” he informs Steve.
Steve’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.
“Okay.”
“It'd really mean a lot to have you guys there.”
Steve blinks a few times.
“To have us at Hanukkah…,” he echoes, missing the slight accent Eddie had in his own pronunciation.
“Steve, I’m Jewish,” Eddie chuckles nervously.
“Oh, okay, so that makes figuring out Christmas a helluva lot easier,” Steve comments in relief.
Eddie laughs heartily.
“So, will you come?”
“Yeah, of course. You’ll probably have to do a lot of explaining, but I’d love that,” Steve smiles.
“I’m happy to explain anything you need.”
“Have you really been anxious to tell me that you’re Jewish?” Steve asks softly.
“People around here… they get weird about it. It’s half the reason me and Byers got it so bad in high school. He’s just lucky they're only half so they celebrate Christmas,” Eddie explains.
“Wait- Byers?”
“You’d be surprised how many of us there are,” Eddie chuckles.
“Sorry, I didn't mean-”
“No, no, it’s okay, really. I love you,” Eddie assures him.
“I love you too.”
Jack has an absolute blast her first two days of Chanukah at Wayne’s. Eddie shows her how to play Dreidel and even teaches her a couple of tunes in Hebrew and Yiddish. The Munsons are far from fully practicing, but they are ones for honoring family traditions. That means Eddie doesn't speak the languages, but there are some songs he remembers from childhood. Jack stuffs herself full of kugel and cookies. She’s snoozing by the time they get home each night.
Monday brings the third night, but Steve gets recruited to work late. He’s tempted to say no, but the overtime would help with Christmas and the end of Chanukah coming up, which is when they agreed to give their gifts for the holiday. Eddie offers to pick her up from school and bring her to Wayne’s. Something Steve happily agrees to. He likes that Eddie is welcoming Jack into his life this way. He doesn't want to stop them from celebrating just because he's working.
Jack sprints out of the school with a large toothy grin. She bounces right into Eddie’s arms. He scoops her up easily, throwing her teacher a curt smile. He’s picked Jack up a few times now, but he has a feeling her teacher isn't a fan of him. He holds her hand the whole way to the car but lets her get in and buckle herself. She gushes about the friend she made talking about Chanukah in class. Hearing her little accent brings a smile to Eddie’s face.
When they enter the trailer, Jack throws herself into Wayne for a hug. He chuckles as he catches her. Just like the first two nights, Wayne holds Jack so she can light the Menorah. The last of the matches break clean in half and Wayne’s lighter dies. In order to save the day, Eddie makes a run to the nearby gas station. It takes him all of fifteen minutes. He gets matches and a lighter for good measure.
There’s a truck next to Wayne's car. It’s an unfamiliar beige monstrosity in the spot Eddie normally parks in. Eddie parks on the other side of the trailer, eyeing the truck suspiciously. Something in his gut twists. Every step feels deliberate. Every crunch of the snow beneath his boots. Heavy-looking work boot prints lead from the truck to the front steps. He furrows his brows at them as he makes his way to the door. Muffled voices grow louder and clearer.
“Who are you?” Jack’s voice questions with mild irritation.
“Go wait for Eddie in the bedroom, sweetheart,” Wayne’s voice says gently.
“And who is this cute little thing? Why didn’t you tell me I’m a grandpa, Wayne?”
That voice makes Eddie’s blood run cold. His heart slams to a standstill, but the rest of him is on the move. He barges into the trailer, nostrils flaring. His stomach is sent roiling as he makes eye contact with a man around Wayne's age, just with more hair and meaner eyes. His face is rounder, but the relation is still clear.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Eddie demands.
Jack darts to cling to Eddie’s legs. He instinctively places her behind him, never taking his eyes off the asshole in front of him.
“C’mon, Ed, it's the holiday. You can't even give your old man a simple hello?” He grins sharply.
“What are you doing here?” Eddie repeats.
“In all honesty, kid, I wasn't expecting you to be here. I definitely wasn't expecting her,” he jerks a chin at Jack.
She glares at him from around Eddie’s legs. Eddie softly tells her to go wait in the bedroom. She does so reluctantly.
“She yours?” His father asks.
“She’s none of your business. What do you want?” Eddie snaps.
“Wayne, I need some help. I’m in a tight spot, but I swear -”
“We’re not doing this, Al. I don’t got nothin’ to give you,” Wayne interrupts.
“You seriously came here on a fucking holiday to ask for money? Jesus, you’re such a fucking leech,” Eddie seeths.
Anger burns through his veins. Just the sight of his father has him feeling like a cornered wild animal. His hackles are raised, his ears are back, and his teeth are bared. There's only one thing on his mind and it’s keeping Jack as far the fuck away from him as possible.
“You better watch how you talk to me, boy, I’m still your father,” he warns, pointing a finger at Eddie.
“Please, you’re not shit to me. We don't have anything for you so just go,” Eddie orders.
His father turns his attention back to Wayne who frowns sternly.
“Look, I’m in trouble, alright? Y’know I wouldn't come to you if it wasn't serious. I’m asking as your little brother here. I need help,” he pleads.
“You can't be fucking-” Eddie starts.
“How much?” Wayne sighs.
Eddie’s eyes snap to his uncle. Betrayal is written across his features.
“I need twelve hundred by noon tomorrow.”
“Twelve hundred? Al, what the hell did you get yourself into this time?” Wayne questions, rubbing his eyes.
“I made a bad bet with Roscoe and-”
“I thought you were done with that.”
“Are you gonna help me or not?”
“No,” Eddie interjects, “we’re not fucking helping you.”
“Ed,” Wayne sighs.
“ No ! Are you kidding me, Wayne? I've told you everything and you still help this asshole?” Eddie’s voice gets more shaky as it gets louder.
He can hear the rush of his blood in his ears. He can feel his heart fighting to escape his chest.
“Maybe you should go, Al,” Wayne suggests.
Eddie’s father steps up into his space. He tries to intimidate Eddie, tries to make him feel small like he used to. Eddie stands tall. Four inches taller than Al now. He stares at his father down his nose, breathing heavily. They stand off like dogs waiting for the other to make the first move.
“You oughta go wait with the little girl and let the adults speak,” his father drawls.
“The adults are speaking and they’re telling you to get the hell out of here,” Eddie retorts hotly.
“So, who’d you knock up, huh? Some poor girl from a nice family that's stuck here with you now?” His father questions.
“Fuck you,” Eddie spits back, anger burning his chest.
“You think you're so much better than me, but you’re not,” his father pokes his chest, “you’re just like me.”
“I’m nothing like you,” Eddie scoffs.
Both of them are getting increasingly louder. Wayne tries to get them to lower their voices but to no avail.
“Sure you are. Saddled with a kid you never wanted all because you couldn't keep it in your pants.”
Eddie grabs hold of the front of his father’s shirt. He shoves him back into the wall so hard everything hanging shakes. Wayne shouts out, but Eddie can't hear him. Eddie can only hear the furious beat of his heart.
“You shut your fucking mouth before I shut it for you,” he hisses.
His father flashes a shit-eating grin and Eddie knows. Eddie knows he’s giving him exactly what he wants. He’s proving his father right, but he can't let go. Not when he’s talking about Jack like that. Not when every drop of fear from childhood has come rushing back, but wrapped up in the intense need to protect Jack. Not when Akl Munson is trying to convince him that they're anything alike.
“Eddie, let him go. He ain't worth this, think of Jack,” Wayne's hand finds Eddie’s shoulder.
He relaxes a minuscule amount under the weight. Eddie allows Wayne to pull him back, letting go of his father. He lets out a steady breath as he turns to face his uncle with apologetic eyes. He calms himself by thinking of Jack in Wayne's bedroom listening to all of this in confusion.
“Yeah, think of your bastard in the other room,” his father sneers.
Something breaks in Eddie. He swears he hears the snap , like the sound of a twig being stepped on in a quiet forest. His vision goes red. Before he knows it, his fist is connecting with his father’s face. He can vaguely hear Wayne shouting. It isn't until Jack’s voice rings out on the third punch that he’s pulled out of it.
“Eddie?” She cries.
He whips around. There’s a small trickle of blood on his knuckles. His father holds his nose behind him. The only thing Eddie is focused on is Jack's small red fearful face. Tears stream down her round cheeks.
“Hey, sweet girl, it’s okay. I promise it’s okay. I’m so sorry I scared you,” he coos softly, dropping to his knees in front of her.
When he reaches for her, she flinches away and his heart rips in half. The entire world feels like it's crashing down around him.
“What’s going on?” She asks tearfully.
“I’ll explain when we get home, alright? I’m gonna get you home and we can watch Leia. How’s that sound?” He offers with big eyes, pleading for her to be okay.
She nods shakily. Eddie presses a kiss on her forehead. Once his lips meet the warm skin of her forehead, the back of Eddie’s collar gets yanked. He chokes, letting out a strangled sound, as he’s dragged backward. Jack screams, shrill and terrified. Eddie’s instinct is to get back to her. He resists the force by trying to go forward. A fistful of his hair gets yanked on next. Eddie buckles under the pain.
Wayne quickly ushers Jack back into the bedroom. Eddie hears the door slam right as something hard hits the side of his head. There’s shouting all around him and throbbing deep in his skull. He manages to twist in his father’s hold and starts throwing more punches. Wayne tries to pull them apart, but Eddie’s father shoves him back. The force sends Wayne into the kitchen counter, eliciting a hiss of pain. It only makes Eddie fight back harder. His father just gets the upper hand when the flashing comes into view. Red and blue illuminate the inside of the trailer from the outside.
The lights don't stop Al Munson from laying into his son on the floor of his brother’s trailer. Eddie wraps his hands around his father’s neck and squeezes, a last-ditch effort to get him off. He flips them so he’s over his father, still choking him. Every single blow, every single insult, every single terrible awful memory comes back at once. Eddie doesn't let go. He doesn't hear his name being called. He doesn't hear the sirens. He forgets about the lights. Everything goes fuzzy and fades out around him. Right now, Eddie is twelve years old trying to get his father to just stop .
Firm arms wrap around him and pull him back. They pin his arms to his sides as he struggles for a moment against the hold.
“Eddie, it’s alright, it's alright. Just calm down,” Hopper’s voice breaks through the fog.
Eddie melts when he registers the arms around him as Hopper’s. Tears immediately begin pouring down his face as everything hits him. Reality snaps back into place all at once. His father is bloody, but standing and being helped onto the couch by two other cops. Wayne is nowhere in sight. Eddie assumes he’s with Jack. Hopper has Eddie in a tight grasp, but not a crushing one.
“I’m sorry- Hopper, I’m so fucking sorry,” he chokes out.
“I know, kid,” Hopper sighs.
“Jack- is she okay?”
Hopper loosens his hold, allowing Eddie to step out of it and face him. He wears a steely expression, but the target of his gaze isn't Eddie. It’s Eddie’s father who sits and tells Callahan whatever bullshit he’s coming up with.
“Yeah, she’s okay. She’s the one that called.”
“Steve?” Eddie asks brokenly.
“He’s on his way over here now.”
Eddie runs his hands over his face as he collects himself. He feels so frantic, fractured, and everywhere all at once. Mostly, he feels so fucking guilty.
“Let’s head outside. You can have a smoke and tell me what happened,” Hopper says, placing a hand on Eddie’s shoulder.
Eddie simply nods. The cold December air helps to sharpen his thoughts and senses. The nicotine helps soothe the shaking in his hands. He recounts everything to Hopper. Hopper writes it all down, nodding to indicate he’s listening. When Eddie finishes, Hopper tells Callahan to cuff Al Munson and take him in for trespassing and assault.
Steve is stepping out of his BMW as Al is being shoved into the back of a police car. The still flashing red and blue lights highlight the angles of his face as he stares at Eddie across the yard. His mouth is tugged into a frown. His eyebrows are set into a line. There are no sounds around them as they just stand there with their eyes connected.
“Daddy! ” Jack’s voice rings out, punching a hole through the silence that allows all the other noise to come flooding through with it.
Eddie watches Steve squat to catch Jack. They hug each other so tight it sends a painful pang through his chest. Steve buries his face in Jack’s hair. Eddie can tell he’s saying something to her, but not what. Then Jack is squirming out of Steve’s grasp. Her big dark eyes bounce around until they find Eddie. A big relieved smile spreads across her face. It's difficult to tell whether she calls out Eddie or Daddy over all the noise. Either way, Eddie’s stomach flips. She darts to him. He catches her just like Steve did, burying his own face into her hair.
“Are you okay, sweet girl?” He asks.
“I’m okay. I was brave. Are you okay?” She places her hands on either side of his face to look at him.
“I’m okay. Don't worry about me.”
“I was scared you were hurt,” she admits quietly.
“I know, baby. I’m okay, though. I promise.”
“Eddie?” Steve’s voice says softly from far closer than he was expecting.
His wide eyes find Steve’s worried ones. Eddie lets Jack down gently, eyes never leaving Steve. A heavy weight sinks in his gut. Steve must hate him. He’s absolutely certain Steve will want nothing to do with him after tonight. How could he blame him? Steve steps closer, eyes studying Eddie’s sore face. His cheeks and jaw are beginning to ache. There’s sure to be some bruises soon. He opens his mouth to say something- anything but never gets the chance.
Steve pulls him into a tight hug. Eddie’s instantly wrapped around him and lost himself in the embrace. The relief is tangible from both of them. More tears fall from Eddie’s eyes.
“You’re okay?” Steve checks shakily.
“I’m okay,” Eddie confirms.
Jack tugs at Eddie’s pant leg. She gestures to be picked up when he looks down. With a smile, he obliges. Jack attaches herself to Eddie, resting her cheek on his shoulder. The three of them say goodbye to Hopper and Wayne. They leave Eddie’s car there, resigned to get it in the morning. That night Jack is allowed to sleep in the same bed as them. That night they hold onto each other extra tight.
Eddie wakes up alone. At first, there’s an ache in his heart to rival that in his face. Then, he hears movement in the kitchen as he goes to the bathroom. It’s enough to relax him. He hasn't been abandoned. Steve is still here. He isn't alone, not really. The reflection in the mirror has a swollen jaw, a bruised cheekbone, and a busted lip. He thinks the last time his reflection looked this bad he was in high school.
When he exits the bathroom Steve is sitting on the couch. His elbows rest on his knees, propping him up as he leans forward on them. His eyes meet Eddie’s as he hears the bathroom door. A small reassuring smile crawls onto his lips. There’s a glass of water, two white pills, and an ice pack on the coffee table. Eddie smiles back even though it hurts. Steve pats the cushion next to him. Eddie sits so close he might as well have crawled into Steve’s lap. Their hands lace together. Steve offers Eddie the pills and then the water. Eddie accepts both graciously, downing the pills quickly. Steve replaces the water with the ice pack for Eddie’s throbbing face.
“Where’s Jack?” Eddie asks quietly.
“Joyce picked her up. I decided to let her have the day off of school after everything,” Steve answers, just as quietly.
Eddie nods, suddenly nervous. Steve made sure they were alone. Eddie can't help feeling in trouble. He keeps his eyes trained on his lap, ashamed of himself and the man he came from.
“How are you feeling?” Steve ducks in an attempt to catch Eddie’s eyes.
“Sore,” Eddie huffs, still averting his gaze, “Do you hate me?”
“No, Eds, I don't hate you. I’m worried, maybe a little upset, but mostly I’m just glad you’re okay. That was a really scary phone call to get,” Steve explains softly.
Eddie finally meets Steve’s warm honey gaze.
“Who called you?” Eddie doesn't ask what he wants.
He doesn't ask outright if it was Jack.
“Hopper. He told me Jack had called 911 and something about you being attacked. I didn't know what to think. I was so afraid I lost you.”
“Jesus, I’m so sorry,” Eddie breathes.
“It isn't your fault, but we need to have a plan in place for if something like this happens again. I don't ever want Jack in this kind of situation again,” Steve states.
Eddie nods instantly.
“Next time I’m just gonna get us the hell out of there. I just… that was the first time I’ve seen him in over a decade. He was sayin’ shit about Jack and I was gonna walk away- you gotta believe I was gonna walk away, Stevie. Then h-he grabbed me and it was like I was a kid again. I-I blacked out,” he explains with a shaky voice, but steady resolve.
“I believe you,” Steve promises, “but we should still have something set up for all of us. If he’s shown up once, we can’t rule out the possibility of him showing up again.”
“Yeah, okay. What did you have in mind?”
They spend the better part of an hour and a half coming up with emergency plans. The plan for Eddie’s dad prompts a more in-depth conversation. Plans for as many scenarios as they can imagine themselves running into. Unwanted visit from an abusive parent? Load Jack in the car, call up the other, and wait it out until they can get the hell out of there. Can’t wait that long? Call Hopper. Jack-related emergency? Make sure Jack is okay first , but immediately notify the other. Eddie has to take point on something school related? It’s something they’ve talked about before but never came to a real conclusion on.
“I don’t think we should call you Jack’s dad until she does,” Steve says.
“Me too. Besides, that gives me more time to think of something different to be called. Dad just sounds so… old ,” Eddie replies.
Steve chuckles.
“I’m okay with you just calling yourself my partner, if you are,” he tells Eddie.
“I’m definitely okay with that,” Eddie smiles.
Joyce worries over Eddie the moment they step foot in the house. He smiles as her hands fly around his face in a motherly fashion. She insists he sits at the table and lets her make him tea. Eddie has a hard time arguing. It’s something he’s discovered about Joyce. Denying her mothering is extremely difficult. Jack climbs onto Eddie’s lap. He easily circles his arms around her and she sinks into his chest.
When Jack almost knocks Eddie’s tea from his hand, Joyce tries to shoo her off. Jack clings to Eddie’s torso harder. Eddie assures Joyce it’s fine, but she gives Jack her best disapproving mom look. Jack sticks out a petulant tongue. Joyce sticks her own out in return, causing Jack to giggle.
“Can we go to the store? I wanna play piano,” Jack asks Eddie with big puppy dog eyes.
Eddie opens his mouth to agree without a thought. Steve cuts him off.
“Not today, princess. Eddie needs to rest. We can do whatever you want at home, though,” he says to her.
“Home or home home?”
“What do you mean?” Steve scrunches his eyebrows.
“Sometimes when you say home we go to Eddie’s, but sometimes we go home home,” she explains.
“O-oh-”
“I don't wanna go home home. I wanna go home with Eddie.”
Eddie swears he’s a second away from melting and sliding right off the chair. His hold on her firms up as his affection leaks out of every pore. Steve gives her a small smile.
“We can go home with Eddie,” he tells her.
Jack buries herself into Eddie’s torso. It’s a signal she’s done with the conversation and satisfied with its result. Joyce looks over the two of them with fondness. She asks Steve to help her with something in the other room, which he agrees to do without hesitation. Once in the living room, Joyce turns on him. Her features are soft with concern.
“How are you doing?” She asks.
“I’m fine,” Steve shrugs, “work’s been good. Everything’s been good.”
“I mean after last night,” she raises her eyebrows as she clarifies.
Steve can't bullshit her no matter how hard he tries.
“I… I-” his voice cracks.
Joyce has him in a hug before he even registers he’s crying. All the emotion, the fear, the gut-wrenching sensation of the floor being dropped from under him comes rushing to the front. His priority was Eddie and Jack. Make sure they're both okay. Make sure they're both dealing with things and not bottling them up. Make sure they know how much they're loved and supported. He didn't once think of himself in this situation. No, once the phone call with Hopper was over Steve had a one-track mind.
“Kid, something’s happened over at the Munson’s,” Hopper’s voice had crackled through the shitty office phone.
Steve’s stomach instantly twisted into knots. He was patting his pockets in search of his keys.
“Are they okay? Is Jack-”
“Jack’s fine. She called us, but you should get over here as soon as you can. Something tells me your boy’s gonna need you,” Hopper tells him solemnly.
“What happened?” Steve is breathless as he tries to regain his footing on the tilted ground beneath him.
“His old man showed up, started trouble… he- uh- Well, he attacked Eddie. Just get over here, alright?”
“Y-yeah, I’m on my way. Tell them I’m on my way.”
Pulling up to see Forest Hills lit up like a patriotic Christmas tree only twisted his stomach more. His mouth was completely dry by the time he was parked. Stepping out of the car, Steve’s eyes scanned the scene until they landed on Eddie. The entire world came to a stop. There’s no movement around him, there's no sound or annoying glaring police lights. There’s just Eddie's dark eyes pouring right back into Steve’s. All Steve could do was stare and think Thank God, he’s okay. Eddie’s okay. It’s impossible to tell the damage done from a distance, but there’s a lit cigarette between his lips so Steve knew he must have been somewhat okay.
Jack’s voice broke him from his Eddie-filled trance. The moment she was in his arms Steve’s feelings were put on the back burner. He left them back there on a low simmer. Joyce is trying to give the pot a stir before it boils over.
“I was so scared, Joyce. I- I was so scared,” he lets out with a shaky breath.
She squeezes him tighter before letting go. This gives Steve the agency to step back to be able to look at her again. He remains in arms reach so she can give him a motherly caress of his dampened cheek.
“I know, sweetie. They’re okay, though. I know you want to be there for them, but don't forget you need them to be there for you too. This happened to you too,” she says with a gentle smile.
Steve sucks in a sharp, but steadying breath. He nods. She’s right, as she usually is. Steve can’t just hold up Jack and Eddie. He needs them to hold him up too. They need to lean on each other.
Eddie’s face is buried in the top of Jack’s hair when they return. Both of them have their eyes closed. Steve can't help the smile that grows on his face at the sight. Seeing them together is easily one of his favorite things in life. He runs a soft hand through Eddie’s hair, earning the attention of his big brown eyes.
“Wanna get going?” He asks quietly.
Steve can see the corners of his smile.
“Wanna go home?” Eddie counters just as quietly.
Steve breathes out a chuckle.
“Yeah, Eds, let’s go home.”
They spend the rest of the day cuddled together on the couch watching whatever family movies they can find on. Steve orders a pizza for dinner and Jack doesn’t leave Eddie’s side. Her clinginess is acknowledged only by an exchange of sad, but knowing smiles between Steve and Eddie. They can't bring themselves to pry her away, both still just as shaken as she is by the previous night’s events.
After she falls asleep on top of Eddie on the couch, he carefully brings her to her room. Steve watches from the doorway, leaning with crossed arms, as Eddie tenderly tucks her in. They close the door quietly and fall back into the couch together. Steve curls into Eddie, who easily receives him with open arms. A joint sigh is let out when they're fully settled into each other.
“Would you tell me more about your mom?” Steve asks, barely above a whisper.
“My mom? Why?”
“I guess I like hearing about the parent that loved you. Especially after… everything,” he elaborates.
“Well, she was really smart. I mean really smart. She was set to go to a big fancy college across the country with a scholarship. I remember her tellin’ me about it to try to get me more into school, but it never really worked,” Eddie says, staring into the distance as he thinks.
“Why didn't she go?”
“Me,” Eddie rakes a hand through Steve’s hair, “She met my dad and got pregnant the summer before she was supposed to start.”
Steve nods the best he could given his position.
“My parents were practically arranged. I mean, it wasn't anything formal, but there was definitely an expectation of them. Their dads were business partners back in the day,” Steve shares.
“We really come from different sides of the tracks,” Eddie chuckles.
“I’d lay across those tracks just to reach you,” Steve hums.
“ Jesus , Stevie, you're gonna kill me if you don't quit being so poetic.”
Steve laughs lightly. They lay in silence for a moment. The warmth of each other comforts and soothes their muscles. Slowly, they shift until they’re laying entirely. Steve’s splayed out on top of Eddie, face in the crook of his neck.
“Do you wanna see what she looked like?” Eddie whispers suddenly.
Steve’s head perks up to look Eddie in the face. His cheeks are pink and his eyes are nervous.
“Yeah, I’d love that,” Steve smiles.
Eddie shifts him off so he can go into his bedroom. Their bedroom, Steve is trying to get used to thinking of it that way. He returns a few moments later with a brown photo album. There's no writing on the cover, just a shiny gold trim. Eddie plops down next to Steve, close enough for their bodies to press against each other.
“Alright, only one rule: no making fun of my hair,” Eddie warns him.
Steve nods with a serious set of his eyebrows. It’s impossible not to see Jack in the gesture. Eddie shakes his head but smiles. He opens to the first glossy page of pictures. The scrapbook isn't too big. There are two 4x6 photos on each page. The first picture has a baby with a mess of dark hair and a wide gummy smile laying on a colorful blanket. Steve beams at the image. The next one has the same baby on his tummy, looking up at the camera with giant brown eyes.
The second page is where Steve sees her for the first time. She’s a delicate woman with round features like Eddie. Her frame is small and wiry in a way that reminds Steve of Joyce. She has dirty blond hair tucked back into a low-hanging ponytail and a bright smile that Steve would recognize anywhere. It’s the same wide toothy grin Eddie has, dimples and all. Her eyes are the same dark shade of brown as Eddie’s. Although he got the Munson nose and hair color, Eddie got everything else from his mother.
“She’s beautiful,” Steve comments honestly.
She is beautiful. She’s beautiful because Eddie is beautiful. Maybe it's the other way around, but for Steve Eddie comes first.
“Yeah, she was. I still don’t know what she saw in my dad.”
“How old was he when they met?” Steve can't help, but ask when his eyes travel to the next picture.
It wasn't clear how young Eddie’s mom looked until his dad was next to her. He isn't old in the image by any means, but he’s visibly older than her. He’s taller and wider, too. It’s like looking at a bird next to a wall.
“Twenty-five when they met, twenty-six by the time I was born,” Eddie answers.
The numbers put a pit in Steve’s stomach. If she was getting ready to go to college that means his mom was-
“She was seventeen when they met, eighteen by the time I was born. Bastard trapped her, if you ask me,” Eddie finishes Steve’s internal thoughts.
Steve flips through more pages of Eddie’s childhood. He was an extremely adorable baby. All chubby and soft looking with a face full of smiles. Then he’s an equally adorable toddler with more bumps and scrapes as he gets older. His mother is in a lot of the photos with him. Her eyes are always on him, and there's almost always a smile on her lips.
At around age three, Steve notices some new scars on Eddie’s mom's arms. They look like cigarette burns, but he can't be sure. He doesn't ask either. Instead, he comments on how much they look alike, especially as Eddie grew older. It’s a comment Eddie clearly appreciates. Steve gets stuck on an image of the two of them from when Eddie was about four. It’s a soft exchange that someone clearly caught candidly.
Eddie is sat in his mother’s lap on a cushy armchair. Her arms are circled loosely around him as he twists to stare up into her face. He wears a large-eyed smile, an expression that’s mirrored by his mother. Her dirty blond hair is loose around her shoulders, curling in a way similar to Eddie’s. Steve wishes desperately to know what happened to cause such soft loving expressions.
“I think this one’s my favorite,” Steve says.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, it feels like I’m seeing you guys how you were.”
Eddie nods thoughtfully.
“I dunno why it reminds me of Jack,” he says, studying the photo.
“You kinda look like her here,” Steve chuckles.
It’s true. If his hair went past his ears they’d pretty much be twins. Eddie supposes the resemblance shouldn't come as too much of a surprise. Although, even in the months of knowing Jack, Eddie has watched her grow a stronger resemblance to Steve.
“Is it dumb to wish my mom got to meet her?” He asks quietly, staring at the photo.
There's a deep ache in his chest that he hasn't felt before. It’s a hollow throb that reverberates in his bones.
“Not at all. I wish she did too.”
Eddie’s watery eyes meet Steve’s.
“I wish she got to meet you too. I wish she got to see the family that found me,” the wobbly words tumble out of Eddie’s quivering lips.
He hasn't thought about his mom so much in ages. In fact, he kept her out of his mind when thinking of Jack and Steve for this very reason. He knew how much it would hurt that the people he loves most will never get to meet. It’s like being run over by a truck of painful emotion. Steve pulls him into a crushing embrace. Eddie doesn't really cry, but a few loose tears roll down his cheeks. Steve catches them with his thumbs and wipes them away.
“We get to meet her in a way, through you. You carry her with you, y’know? It’s not the same but, we do know her, in a way,” Steve says.
Eddie smiles and crashes his lips into Steve’s. It's brief and wet but warms them both.
“I love you so fucking much, Stevie. I’ve never loved someone like this. You fucking terrify me in the best way possible,” he tells him earnestly.
“I love you so fucking much too, Eds. What d’you say we go to bed?”
“I’m not tired,” Eddie pouts.
“I didn't say we had to go to sleep.”
His pout transforms into a smirk. Then he’s dragging Steve to their bedroom, both of them giggling like mad.
<< Page Five | Series Photo Album | AO3 | Page Seven>>
#funnylittle jack fic#steddie fic#steddie#steddie fluff#steddie fanfic#steddie dads#steve harrington x eddie munson#single dad steve harrington#single dad!steve harrington#teen dad steve harrington#teen dad!steve harrington#girl dad steve harrington#music teacher eddie munson#jewish eddie munson
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Ask game!!
For Sam and Dean both:
What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?
What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?
OMG HELLO TUMBLR USER SPNTRUNK???? WHAT AN HONOR
I will ramble about my samdean thoughts ANY TIME so thank you for indulging me lol
1a. for sam, I loooove when the fandom acknowledges and magnifies his obsession with dean. he's slightly quieter about it (he doesn't go around yelling YOU TOUCH MY BROTHER AND ILL KILL YOU the way dean does) but that doesn't make him any less codependent or any less freakish!!!!!! he is JUST as insane about dean as dean is about him, and I LOVE to see that explored
1b. for dean, I love fandom discussions of his experiences with romance and sex and what they mean to him. I feel like the show mostly goes "dean sleeps around lol" and leaves it at that, but sometimes you get a glimpse of something else (cassie, lisa), and I always found those parts to be extremely intriguing. because dean can be such a hopeless romantic!!! he just doesn't let himself have good things, he holds them at arms length so that when he inevitably loses them it might not hurt so much. it's so heartbreaking and I could write academic essays about it probably. (as a sidenote, this aspect of his character is part of why I love samdean so much. he and sam have their moments, they've been separated by thousands of miles and death itself and it hurts dean terribly, but they always find their way back to each other. sam is the one person who dean has never really lost, not forever. and now that they're in their shared(!!!!) heaven, he never will.)
2a. I am going to have to try so so so so so hard not to write an essay about this one. the way the wider fandom treats sam makes my blood BOIL. tossing him to the side, pretending he doesn't exist, saying dean would be better off without him, etc. I hate all of it. I hate the way he gets sidelined in his own story, and the worst part is that THE SHOW ITSELF DOES IT TOO. SO I CANT EVEN BLAME THE STUPID FANDOM ENTIRELY. but if I had to pick one thing that I hate the most about the fandom's treatment of sam...I think I would be unoriginal and choose the purgatory debacle. there are just so many reasons why he shouldn't be blamed so harshly for the way he handled that time period. like. 1. he had JUST gotten hallucifer out of his head. he was having psychotic episodes so bad he nearly DIED, he barely even knew what was real and what was a hallucination. 2. he was ALONE. bobby was dead, dean and cas were, by all accounts, dead. his whole family was GONE. I can't even imagine the grief he must have endured in that time. I wouldn't be surprised if he had been suicidal, or if he'd had another psychotic break. and 3. WHERE WAS HE SUPPOSED TO GO LOOKING? he had no reason to think that dean SURVIVED the dick-splosion, and even if he was certain he had, sam KNOWS how dangerous it is to open the door to purgatory. and he couldn't exactly ask cas about it, could he? what was he supposed to do, summon crowley? yeah I'm sure that would've gone great. plus, 4. he and dean AGREED not to look for each other. sure, they make and break those kinds of promises often, but come the fuck on. how is it fair to ask sam, hopeless and alone and barely even functional enough to stand on his own two feet, to defy the promise he and dean made in order to bring him back from the dead and probably let something else nasty out along with him? that hardly seems reasonable to me.
um. I got heated about that one. anyway everyone lay off sam about purgatory okay. including dean. I get why he was upset but man cmon.
2b. this one's going to be shorter because I'm pissed about purgatory now lol but I hate when people make dean out to be some kind of. horrific wifebeater (and sam his battered, trapped woman). like. yeah. he's got anger issues and violent tendencies. yes, he often fails to break the cycle of abuse. yes, he lashes out at sam, and that's bad. but like. sam doesnt need protection from dean??? sam doesnt need liberation from dean???? dean isn't some horrible monster who belittles his brother for shits and giggles. he's a man who's seen way too much, lost way too much. it hurts to look at the ways he's changed, but he's doing the best he fucking can. also, pet peeve!! I HATE HATE HATE when people point to the behavior he exhibited while he had the mark of cain and go "see!! see!!! it was inside him all along!!!! he's a terrible person!!!!" LIKE. UM. HES LITERALLY BEEN SADDLED WITH AN ANCIENT CURSE. I DONT THINK ITS FAIR TO PROJECT ITS EFFECTS ONTO HIS CHARACTER, ACTUALLY. it annoys me soooooo bad. like did they miss the parts where he tried everything he could to keep his urges under control? did they miss the horrified look he'd have on his face after he went on a killing spree he couldn't stop? it's willful ignorance, and I hate that shit!!! I hate it!!!!!
genuinely though. and maybe this is silly to say after all that rambling. I don't want to be negative here. I love my (our!!) little corner of this fandom and I genuinely unironically love this show with every fiber of my being. it's my favorite piece of media ever and maybe that's partly just recency bias but like. I had sworn off live action TV for weird personal reasons (if you go looking, I have a personal post saying I refused to reblog spn posts because I didn't want gifs of real people on my blog. lmao) and yet here I am. I love this show. I love the wincest fandom. I love my mutuals. and as soon as I finish the finale I'm probably just going to start the whole damn thing over again.
oh also SPNTRUNK I LOVE YOUR ART !!! WTF!!!! HI???? IM STILL KIND OF IN AWE LOL
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Never gonna forget that the only credible source and respected celebrity throughout the trial was a WHITE WOMAN.
not those lying gossip blogs that are not for black folks
not those male rappers who were dehumanizing her
a white journalist.
A crime reporter with a Bob hairdo that was so mother
Op-Ed: Megan Thee Stallion Is Owed a Massive Apology From Too Many Black Folks
Image: Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for iHeartRadio.
Black folks, we need to have a real chat.
Today, after a whirlwind trial filled with inaccurate reporting and malicious viewpoints, a jury found Canadian rapper Tory Lanez—born Daystar Peterson—guilty on all three charges in the shooting of Megan Thee Stallion in 2020. Specifically, he was found guilty of assault with a firearm, negligent discharge of a weapon and possession of a concealed and unregistered firearm in a vehicle.
Zora Neale Hurston once wrote, “if you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” Although she spoke of the silence of Black figures and voices by way of white supremacy, the Black community exerted this same violence in the case of Megan Thee Stallion.
It's true that we often shy away from critiquing ourselves—meaning our community—as we receive a great deal of finger-pointing externally, but we cannot continue moving like this. This message is direct to you, Black people.
Leading up to this trial, Megan Thee Stallion, whose real name is Megan Pete, was met with such vitriol and disgusting hate for her decision to come forward against Peterson. As a result, she received death threats, has been slut-shamed, and was questioned about whether or not she was harmed and wrongfully disrespected for something she did not do to herself. Above all, an enraging level of misogynoir—a deeply inherent contempt, prejudice and dislike of Black women—was displayed across our community by not just Black men, but Black women and gender non-conforming folks as well.
This hatred of a Black woman with status, popularity and security in her being is not uncommon though. Famed track star FloJo even experienced it at the height of her career. There is a certain threat felt about Black women with the aforementioned traits as it goes against the constructed notions of subservience expected of her, both traditionally and historically.
This is a devastatingly overdue conversation we need to have in our community and not shy away from. As Malcolm X observed, the most disrespected person in America is the Black woman. Comedians cosplaying and mocking the worst parts of our women, the Tyler Perry shows that are unforgivingly crude in their depictions of us, and the misogynoir think pieces, podcasts, social media posts and blogs—they all profit off the disrespect of Black women.
If you are familiar with Megan's story, then you are aware of the compounded hardships she has experienced, especially as of lately. In court, she admitted to even having suicidal ideations because of the treatment she has gotten from people. This is unacceptable.
Is the placement of Black men on pedestals more important than the livelihood and well-being of others in our community?
This is not to say that the Black man is not deserving of protection, but it does not evade the need for total accountability. From the #MeToo Movement to women's rights, it seems that the over-glorification of Black men has emboldened many, regardless of gender, to be dismissive of the lived experiences of Black women. And we know where this comes from and what it is rooted in. But it does not mean that we cannot evolve or progress past such archaic thinking. We can no longer choose to stand by folks simply because of our connection to Blackness. It's not an "anti-Black Man agenda" or a need to vilify them. This behavior that our community has incessantly normalized is harmful and almost cost a young woman her life and dignity.
Now that Peterson has been found guilty, after two years of people caping for him blindly and wishing ill against the "Hot Girl," she deserves so many apologies from so many of us in the Black community.
All in all, Megan needed our support and too many of us failed her. Outside of the persona of who she is, Megan Thee Stallion is a Black woman who was victimized and ridiculed for coming forward about her mistreatment. Instead of being shown love and compassion, rappers wrote diss tracks about her, Black women shunned her from their so-called beloved sisterhood and unsolicited judges of public opinion deemed her unworthy of justice and care.
Unfortunately, this decision regarding Tory Lanez/Daystar Peterson will not bring her peace or real justice. She will continue to be seen as an outcast by a vast amount of people globally although she was the one shot.
Let this trial be a lesson about the importance of discernment when it comes to the media sources we consume, the words that come out of our mouths and a reminder to question your internalized misogynoir when situations like this occur. Analyze the ways in which you perpetuate hatred against Black women, may it be purposefully or not, so that you can properly show up for the Black women in your own respective lives.
No matter what happens after this guilty verdict, we should hope and pray that Megan Thee Stallion is uplifted by genuine people who hold her in the highest regard and will protect her.
No further questions.
Sent from my iPhone
I’m sure we all would’ve loved to see a black journalist get this same level of attention and accolades but that’s just not how it worked out. Urban media took Tory’s side despite his piss poor case. You anti bw cocksuckers have nothing to blame but yourselves Y’all dropped the ball heavily.
And that goes for urban media/black celebs that never acknowledged the situation until after the verdict was read. Not one of those fake af journalists urban /black media outlets nor those biiich arss celebrities (50 cent, Drake and akademics among others. )was correct throughout this whole time only a white woman was getting respect for being ethical and honest.
This case could have really been the one to open the door for black journalists! But instead they wanted to be the first with the "tea" an be apart of the trauma already being invoked upon a black woman while sucking on the peen of a violent degenerate
These gossip girlies and these biiich arss celebrities are going to the deepest pits of hell and for what? Two years of slutting themselves out for a little demon with violence tendencies and toxic masculinity? Talk about Huge opportunity wasted a disgrace and insult to credible and legendary black journalists and a disappointment to hardcore fans of faves who were willingly throwing away hard work and integrity to be such a whore for a demonic little man and dehumanize a bw smh!
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I think it is very funny (and by funny I mean infuriating and appalling) that people's reactions to a mother being terrified to death for her children's lives is "boohoo Alicent is stupid!" and not "poor thing, that's not how a mother should be made to feel by HER OWN FAMILY"
This is such a problem with literally any TV show or movie, which is that people forget that we are an omnipotent audience. We see everything, we know everything, we are the only people involved in the story that have complete and utter control over all of the information of the story. None of the other characters do, and that's why they make the decisions they do, and if they seem somewhat nonsensical to us that's because we know everything and they don't.
(seriously, as someone who was in The Originals fandom for a time, season 2 was the hardest time to be Hayley fan when half the audience forgot that her decisions made total sense if you just looked at the information she had access to, not all the information of the entire story.)
Alicent's information is this: 1) Rhaenyra lied to her (lies by omission count as lies), and then 2) appears to have leveraged those lies to strip away the last of Alicent's support as well as anyone partial to her children's place in the line of succession. 3) Rhaenyra is then callous enough to drive a man to suicide and, in the process, get another man killed, with no outward remorse. 4) Over the next ten years Rhaenyra commits at best a huge social faux-pas and at worse an outright treason and 5) the products of that treason are cruel to her own sons which Rhaenyra has done nothing to stop (or really do anything to bridge any gap in their relationship) until 6) she proposes the Jace/Helaena marriage, which just looks like an attempt to take Alicent's only daughter hostage when you have an uncharitable view of her. 7) Rhaenyra then does nothing about her son maiming Alicent's and in fact 8) demands that Aemond be tortured for having eyes that can see and 9) vocally approves the plan to maim Alicent's son and Alicent herself for also having eyes that can see, because it helps her succession and that of her sons. And the coup de grace is in 10) Alicent seeing Rhaenyra murder her husband so she can marry who she wants and gather more strength to her side.
That is all the information Alicent has on Rhaenyra as heir to the throne. That she is callous, thoughtless, bloodthirsty in the pursuit of getting what she wants, uncaring towards others, with the capacity towards coldblooded murder to anyone who gets in her way (and who are in her way? Alicent's Targaryen children, especially Alicent's firstborn Targaryen son), and no remorse or thought to consequence for anything she does. Of course, we, the audience, see things from more than just Rhaenyra's point of view, we know that her thoughtlessness is borne out of being sheltered, that she's lighthearted and playful, that she is genuinely just trying to find love within the confines of an incompatible marriage, that the faults in her relationship with Daemon lie with Daemon as the adult and senior figure, that her attempts to reach out are genuine, that she's held the best belief in Alicent for a long time ("I do not believe Alicent is capable of cold blooded murder") that she did not murder Laenor, and that she has no intention of hurting Alicent or her kids and genuinely wants to be a good ruler and pass down the Targaryen legacy/Song of Ice and Fire (whether she can be a good ruler is debatable at best, and also God I hate the stupid prophecy fuck it so hard).
So to the audience, yeah Alicent's reactions can seem irrational, but most people with basic competence and understanding of storytelling can also understand that the impression we have of the story is something no one else in universe does, it's why I'm also willing to give grace to Rhaenyra for sometimes thinking the worst of Alicent because she doesn't have access to the information that we do.
But let's be real, ASOIAF/GOT/F&B/HOTD and all adjacent fandoms have been horrifically toxic and misogynistic, a mindset that extends far beyond characters and even to the actors, no matter which side of certain debates you fall under (yes this is a fandom wide callout I've seen all teams be gross as Hell), as I'm of the belief that insulting Matt Smith's looks and harassing his mother is in fact just as bad as bullying Emily Carey off Twitter, and relentlessly castigating Sophie Turner for no reason including when she was a child is in fact just as bad as mocking Emilia Clarke's brain injuries, this shouldn't be controversial. So I'm not surprised that this toxicity exists towards the character, and there's a lack of understanding in how yeah, Alicent should not be made to feel that her children are in active danger due to the actions of not just their sister but also their literal father, her husband (and that the worsening of the relationship post-Driftmark is entirely on Team Black for not doing anything to make amends for what happened to Aemond whatsoever and refusing to even be contrite years after the fact, Vhagar eating Luke was too merciful for him I said what I said).
A lot of the people who think this way are mostly casual watchers, or just really die-hard Team Black Twitter stans, so we can at least take comfort in the fact that most people with media literacy, whether they be regular fans or even critics, are more willing to extend Alicent the grace she deserves, and us Greenies can stan her hard enough to power a major metropolis in the meantime.
#personal#answered#anonymous#yeah this isn't an hotd specific issue unfortunately enough#the originals season 2 was just.......bane of my existence#'hayley's so evil for running away with hope' klaus confessed to murdering her friend for no reason (and when he didn't even! he's stupid!)#after a year of him bullying her and trying to railroad her every decision and being an asshole to her#after already having a thousand year old reputation of being a remorseless monster#like yeah no shit she eventually decided to cut and run with her kid#the information she had was that this guy was toxic as hell and couldn't be trusted around her or her child#it's only because we saw more than just her pov that we understood where klaus was coming from#i mean god i don't think anyone on the internet understands the concept of POINT OF VIEW#like you know how in the books we the audience know the lannisters are shits but in the first one sansa doesn't in her pov#because she's a child and she doesn't have the information we do about how bad they are#or how dany tends to refer to her marriage to drogo as a love story when we the audience with a modern lens and viewpoint are like uhhhhhhh#god people are dumb
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a peculiar comorbidity, part two
i'm experiencing a diabetes-associated autistic meltdown. and it's not pretty. it's made me develop a really bad relationship with food, a massive fear of it. it makes me doomscroll on Beyond Type 1, on Twitter, on Reddit, just to find some glimmer of hope. It makes me panic-message my endocrinologist if I stay elevated at 220 for like two hours - I was between 200-270 mg/dL when I developed ketoacidosis symptoms, I can feel my heart pound in my chest at 250 mg/dL, I develop ketones within an hour of staying out of range. and yet her biggest concern is the fact that I kinda have to bend over backwards to wrap my life around this autoimmune disorder, to get really tight control and stay out of highs (but ultimately be more susceptible to lows - which are not good at all, since I am mostly hypoglycemic unaware) in fear that I will have to be charged to the hospital later that night. my body works really fucking weird - like, Nick Jonas had to have a blood sugar of 700 mg/dL just to get admitted for DKA in the middle of recording It's About Time. most T1D diagnosis stories share the same thing. the closest diagnosis story I can compare mine to is maybe a few LADA stories - but LADA cases always start out mimicking type 2 diabetes, which I could've been well in danger of developing because of an astoundingly bad fast-food-heavy diet (three times a day when I was working at the bookstore, IIRC - binge-eating during the bookstore closure). it takes YEARS for a LADA case to really show its true colors. mine took two months. I'm gonna try to get my C-peptides tested again - and if they're still 0.9 (just slightly under range) after three months of a raging autoantibody reaction, then I know there's more to me than "body attacks body." i'm hoping they are. that means I could benefit from Tzield - if they ever approve it for people like me.
every few weeks or so I have diabetes burnout so horrible that it intermingles with the meltdown and, combined with whether or not the sun's outside, puts me in a really bad mental spot. and you wanna know how bad it gets? you really want to know? well, let me put it like this, to quote Kid Cudi's weird grunge album: "I hate the gun, but I love the sun." From "Confused!" - from Kid Cudi, whose big shtick is that he's REALLY honest about his struggles with suicidal ideation. that specific line is about how he really does not want to kill himself, but he DESPERATELY wants peace of mind. usually, when it comes to suicide, nobody talks about it or, if you do, people just lock you up and throw away the key. i have worsening suicidal ideation because of this comorbidity. Nick Jonas thinks the worst he has to deal with is that he can't eat pizza super-libertine anymore or that he might get shaky enough to chug an apple juice in the middle of singing "Waffle House" during a show? imagine being afraid of all your safe foods because if you take too little insulin, you're in the hospital for DKA later that day because elevated sugars hit you way harder than everybody else, and your entire medical team (but specifically your educator and endo) will tell you "don't eat that anymore, don't eat that anymore" because they don't get the fucking memo despite you not making eye contact with them at all, despite having the monotone voice, despite occasionally stimming since I can't keep my guard up at all times - they think that as long you don't look like the Rain Man, counting cards in a suit from Armani and underwear from K-Mart, you're not autistic.
do I HAVE to whip out my diagnosis and observation papers from 1994 to 2005 just for them to get the idea of why I'm desperate for the long game to be a relatively short game? I get that this shit's gonna last a while, but when I say I can't live the rest of my life with this, I really can't. the average life expectancy of an autistic person is, what, 51? well, you just cut my life expectancy down to, maybe, 45 since I am way more prone to distress and burnout. all the type 1 resources, both by type 1s and medical organizations, have been tailored for neurotypical type 1s or type 1s with way lighter neurodivergences, for neurodivergent kids who've always had diabetes so the cormorbidity isn't bad (so they can still freely determine their safe foods). this is why I want to get on Tzield now - I want to prove that the PROTECT Study is worth its weight in gold. I want more clinicals near me to widen their eligibility for me - to not have the cutoff age be 30. I want Novo Nordisk and Sanofi and Eli Lilly to end the price-gouging of insulin either through extreme government intervention or by making insulin totally free. forever.
#autism#autistic life#type 1 life#type 1 problems#type 1 diabetic#LADA#mental health#comorbid conditions#ableism#healthcare
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