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tocomplainfriend · 2 months

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Responding to your post about fiction affecting reality: very well-written post and that’s something I agree with wholeheartedly!

Full disclosure: I am a Vivz supporter and don’t really interact with the critique community because of negative past experience (hence the anon), but I really liked your post as it was well-researched and brought up a lot of points that I did agree on. Mostly that, as you evidenced, “it’s just fiction” isn’t a great argument for poorly portraying a serious concept when there can be tangible consequences for that portrayal. And you gave some really striking examples.

In terms of Hazbin, it is not that I believe that Val’s portrayal as an abuser (and consequently Angel’s as a victim) lacks any impact, but instead that it adds a positive one. This isn’t something I’ve researched so the evidence I have of this is personal experience, but as you said in your post that media can affect real life I felt inspired to add to that conversation with how it personally affected me.

So I was aware rationally that a common result of abuse/SA is hypersexuality, like I’d seen that on psychology blogs and such but never really understood it. I’m ashamed to say I thought it was a little weird and very rare. Hazbin was what finally challenged that notion with me. Being able to see how abuse looks and attribute those events to Angel’s actions step-by-step made something click in my head. I even remember that shortly after seeing that episode, I apologized to one of my friends (a survivor themselves) over some judgmental comments I’d recently made over hypersexuality. Said friend also watched Hazbin with me and it’s the reason they talk more openly to me now and we’re a lot closer. Val’s “stupid” behavior in the show and mentioned in Vivz’s comments did not lessen the impact that episode had on me, or make it unbelievable to me that Val could be manipulative. If anything I understand more now that abusers don’t always appear as psychopathic masterminds. And I know my friend finds comments like the Mean Girls one funny and they tell me it’s empowering to make fun of Val’s incompetence.

That’s not the only positive influence Hazbin’s had on me, but the most relevant to your post, I believe. It’s the reason I’m often a skeptic on most criticisms, because my lived experience tends to go against them. You said the negative impact of Val was that people are drawing fetish art of him, but the only time I ever see that art is within critic’s posts. It never shows up in my regular feed, so it looks to me like he’s equally as fetishized as every other character; the unfortunate inevitability of the internet. I can’t say I’ve seen anyone post about stories like mine about learning to understand survivors, but I have heard positive stories from survivors themselves in person and online which lead me to believe that the positive impact outweighs the negative.

Fiction has real impact, very true. But consider that might be a good thing in this case.

Thanks for being respectful!

TW: Rape, SA

I'm a victim of SA myself and that's why I wrote all of this post. If you got something positive out of this piece of media, that's great. Same with victims that saw potion and were okay with it- that valid as much as the people that didn't like it at all. I recommend watching many others shows yourself (or movies, books, whatever) will help you out with sorts of topics in bigger ways. I understand you feel like you got something good out if (and I'm glad) but I do need to say, this is minimal in comparison to other media you could consume regarding the topic!

I personally suffer with Hypersexuality, and the treatment in the show (and merch and otherwise) I found completely wrong. Even if you got to a good understatement of the topic, please put research into it (also outside Tumblr for that matter! There are better places to find stuff about!). Thank you also for admitting your faults over your treatment of hypersexuality and apologizing for it. Many people will never let themselves grasp this concept, so thank you.

If you took Valentino's comparison to Mean Girls or Powerpuff Girl as a way of making fun of him, that's you. I found it, personally, terrible. Specially cause many comments regarding that (that I put on the post) were people actively disregarding the topic at hand. Saying that Valentino is just a karen, or He is Bubbles coded, feels so out of the realm of everything (the last one didn't feel like making fun of him). I don't like the comparison of an active sexual predator to a mean high school girl or a kinder garden girl that's regarded as bubblely or dumb. Feel like you should reach into his actions over It feels diminishing to me and other people (who also complained about this themselves).

People should be extremely careful of what they portray about this topic in media. Other stuff written in Hazbin or Helluva Boss regarding R-pe jokes also is extremely disgusting to me. Never forget that if you think this portrayal is ok, one episode apart it's a gang r-pe jokes towards Sir Pen... and an r-pe joke towards Moxxie in Spring Brakers. Which I find extremely disrespectful to do and adds to r-pe culture as much as any other r-pe jokes (general or towards men) in media. Especially when they want to portray it in a serious way with Angel, where was that energy then? (Don't say Viv didn't write that, she liked a tweet about the Sir pen joke, and the spring braker is written by Viv and Brandon.)

Also, about manipulation:

The tweet right below says that "He isn't manipulating them" because he is too stupid to do so. Responding "The Vees are just meangirls" it's crazy to me.

About "You said the negative impact of Val was that people are drawing fetish art of him, but the only time I ever see that art is within critic’s posts. It never shows up in my regular feed"

Val has being fetishized by the crew itself! The person (who is not an SA/r-pe victim said by themselves, who has being open of shipping ValxAngel and being into r-pe porn) is the one that produce the whole poison part of the episode (also based on his previously non canon ValxAngel comic). You could also go throught the people Viv's responds and likes and it's mutuals with, and they also do the same thing as this crew-member (Raph). Congrats that it doesn't appear in your timeline, tho. If this art appears in a critic post, it is because it's being criticized or brought up to make a point.

[It's not on my blog yet, but I don't like receiving double ask in the inbox, specially of anons! Sorry. I don't know if it's the same person or not, and I don't want to end up receiving 5 asks in my inbox again.]

#vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #vivziepop critique #helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #vivziepop criticism #hazbin hotel criticism #helluva boss critique

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daesungindistress · 1 year

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Recently a Seungri stan messaged me privately to tell me she loves my old DaeRi fanfiction, pointed out one in particular that she reads "every once in a while," and even called me an author she loves. Four or more years ago this sort of feedback on my writing would have been encouraging, and I'd have thanked her for it. Nowadays, though, given the circumstances of that man and his fans, it was... let's just say unsettling.

Ever since the events of 2019 I've had conflicting feelings about my old writing and have many times considered pulling certain pieces down. I left the stories alone, untouched, partly for myself, as a repository of sorts, a public written record of a time past, because I can be stupidly sentimental like that, and partly for Dae stans, who I thought might still like them as long as they could look past the unpleasantness of the pairing's other half.

I expected people would react sensibly to BIGBANG's big change and hoped readers would enjoy my fanfics with the understanding that the past is the past and should be left as such. Accepting and embracing the group in its new form, as it has been since 2019 -- as four. The decision to let it be was certainly not made with fans of Seungri in mind, who by all rights shouldn't exist anymore.

Sad to say, they do. Not only can I not accept their gratitude, a compliment from one on my years-old stories featuring Seungri really upset me. It was an uneasy reminder that my old indulgences can still influence new fans and (mis)lead them into liking, sympathizing with, and supporting Seungri now, in the present, even after all that's happened. Disregarding his departure from the group and defending all the unsavory things about him that have come to light in the years since those stories were written.

Some time ago, on AO3, I turned off notifications for comments and kudos on everything with the mindset that if people were still reading and taking pleasure in my writing from so long ago, I didn't want to know. I thought that what I didn't know couldn't hurt me. But that isn't enough, I now realize. I didn't consider the potential side effects on others outside my target audience. I can't in good conscience look away any longer and allow those positive portrayals made by my hand to stand, even if it is only fiction, because Seungri is a real person who's done real harm, and quite a lot of it. By committing real crimes, and quite a lot of them. He has real power over people, power he's abused, with real-world consequences. And in a way, as a content creator... I have that power too.

So I've finally done what I should have done ages ago and have taken those stories down. It doesn't undo the damage, but at least I can breathe a little easier knowing my past work, which had been wildly overdue for removal, will no longer contribute to the problem still plaguing this band and its fandom today. If there's one lesson I've taken to heart in the years since Burning Sun, it's that I have a duty and a responsibility to do better. We all do.

#seungri #daeri #bigbang #fanfiction #burning sun #'unsettling' is putting it nicely... it was actually revolting #I couldn't get to those fics fast enough to take them down #well technically take them private #effectively the same thing #they're in a private collection on ao3 that no one can access but me #there were three; now there are none #I'm just sorry it took me this long to do #btw two of those stories were gift fics #worst act of generosity ever lol #on a related note I also took down the carnivores series late last year #for various reasons that I don't want to get into here or now

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davekat-sucks · 1 year

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The reason they don't talk about it is because most of the fandom doesn't even want to acknowledge that Equius exists. They'd rather if he was just a bad fucking dream. Still others posit that he is literally their sexual abuser or something along those lines, made manifest in fiction. Thats what Equius is. Your rapist ex.

Thats what people genuinely believe about him. Yep. The dead horse.

Not Gamzee. The guy who canonically "sexually coerced a minor" (teenage Vriska) as a 40 year old guy, in Homestuck 2. This was a developement Hussie approved, OK'd and then shipped for public consumption. Gamzee "sexually coercing" Vriska is ACTUAL, HUSSIE-APPROVED CANON.

He definitely has no friends outside Nepeta. It was never fully explored. But yes I think she definitely would've made a difference in Equius if she was allowed to do that.

At the very least, her death, and him letting down Nepeta as a moirail and a friend, started something in Equius.

Despite him being adamant about the hemocaste and the supposed rules he and others must live by, at least he could see that what he did was wrong.

He understood that he hurt Nepeta, which he would never ever want to happen. He admitted his sins, and when confronted with Fefetasprite, he admitted to himself and others that he believes that he doesn't deserve forgiveness.

I'd say, that all that, coming from the most racist, stick-in-the-mud bastard, asshole character, is definitely something, and I think it should be noticed.

So yes, I think Nepeta tried what she could do so that Equius wouldn't be such a fucking piece a shit loser. With the best way possible. By being a light-hearted, loyal, lovely, silly friend who doesnt take things too seriously, and also tells Equius off when he's being a bastard.

I think Hussie also mentioned at one point, that Aradia was not under the influence of the heart-chip when she made the move. Almost immadiately after, the comic explains QUADRANT VACCILATION to the readers. Troll sure are alien and weird!

Yeah and the thing about Vriska... Aradia just simply doesn't give a shit anymore. On the pirate ship Vriska actually makes it a point to apologize to Aradia. But Aradia says not to think anything of it, because the wounds of the past doesnt fucking matter to her.

Because Aradia is INFINITELY more interested in "watching this whole place break apart :)" than be pissed because Vriska murdered her and crippled Tavros or whatever.

I genuinely think that she HONESTLY doesnt give a goddamn about SHITTY DICKHEAD BLUEBLOODS. And you know what? Absolutely fucking amazing for her! Hell yes, fuck haters, they dont fucking matter. Got bigger fish to fry.

And honestly? She wouldve had every right to COMPLETELY DESTROY Equius here, Sollux was right there too. Yet neither of them, nor Hussie decided to chew out or dunk on Equius. Eridan gets plenty of that.

But for some reason Equius seemingly only suffers, as much as he deserves. No more, no less.

No, instead of tearing into Equius, Aradia just says "im sorry, itwas a mistake for us to get involved :(" I think quite politely.

You'd think a dead horse, a complete joke of a fucking character, Equius, would deserve to get fucked with the painstick a little bit harder than that.

But no, Aradia is just like "sorry, it was a mistake", no telling him that he's a disgusting blueblood snob or whatever else. Neither does Sollux go for that either. If you remember, right before Aradiabot explodes on the meteor hideout, Sollux complains that "since she (aradia) became Equius' smoochbot they barely had any time to talk".

Which I guess means, that as fucked up as their relationship was I guess at least Sollux respected whatever Aradia had going on to not try to get involved in it, because Hussie couldve given him some choice lines regarding Equius. But he didnt.

Fitting for the Heir of Void to be left unnoticed by the fandom and the nu-fandom thinking he is nothing without Nepeta at his side. Probably for the best for him, because they probably would have spun him as some non-binary or trans because he had crossdressed as a maid in that Ministrife that one time. Though maybe not because he is mostly depicted as a muscular sweaty type. The modern fanbase don't like that body type. You have to be fat fat not muscle fat. Strange double-standards that Equius does not receive the harsh end compared to Eridan. I can only think that he did not get too much shit is probably because he is a highblood and Aradia is a lowblood. So him making out with Aradiabot (she is still a rusty as a ghost) and keeping her is all within his right compared to Eridan killing Feferi (who is the next Heiress). But that all ties in the hemocaste system that he would have to get over with. That and Equius is a part of Hussie in terms of liking horses. Not a full self insert, but like "Hey, I made this OC based on my weird interests in this one animal. So he is like a part of me in some way!" - Hussie

#Equius Zahhak #Aradia Megido #Homestuck #Homestuck fandom #Andrew Hussie

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macarensesangles · 1 year

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this is maybe not the blog to have this little bitchfest on but here we go. because i love bitching and am a hater.

i do get angry pretty often that nuanced conversations about things like abuse in fiction as a reflection of and dialogue with the society in which said fiction is created and how certain common narratives can genuinely influence people's thinking and how they interact with other people in subtle ways and how to create art as ethically as possible given all that have been like. kind of subsumed under this really simplistic shipcourse debate where i think both "sides" have, to a degree, kind of lost the plot (in that i think vocally profiction people are generally really noxious and horrible and morally indefensible, and antishippers who identify strongly with that label and who get really invested in Doing Discourse frequently stoop to the level proshippers often dwell at and fail to make actual cogent points, NOT in that i'm neutral or something obvs).

because the reality is that there is a deep and wide and vast can of worms opened when the base discussion is like, "what is and isn't okay to write and what should the consequences be for people who do write something that isn't okay?" because i think the reality is there are a myriad of positions to take in relation to those questions between the two extremes of "being offensive is COOL, actually," and "no one should ever write anything." like, an entire world of nuance that gets lost there. especially because the whole hashtag Debate is confined to the sphere of people's fucking dumb ass fanfiction. i don't think fic has no literary merit or something but it's so deeply entrenched in the realm of arguing over shit that largely is like. i don't know. i don't want to be insulting to fic but having read so much of it it astounds me that so many people argue on the side of like "but the ARTISTIC MERIT!!!! of these depictions!" and then you read some piece of Problematique Erotica with about as much Artistic Merit as the back of a box of cereal and you just have to stare out your window and wonder about the general state of intellectual discourse

anyway of course you guys already know this but i think in evaluating whether or not a depiction of a taboo subject like abuse is valuable one has to figure out what it is that the narrative is ultimately communicating first and how that message, like, idk gels with social discourses that already exist about the subject. this is why i tend to be more sharply critical of these elements in fanfiction; typically i feel like the only message is like "what if there was an excuse for this behavior/what if it was desirable" because it's, you know, erotica, or it's poorly-done Dark Romance, or whatever, and then there's a whole further debate to be had about like "well if it's just kink etc and clearly labelled as such does that actually feed into the dominant social narratives you're complaining about" but generally i think like, just the sheer volume of this stuff portrayed in a positive light is kind of concerning and there needs to be some kind of wider analysis of like, how that potentially perpetuates and is certainly perpetuated by external elements like rape culture or a society that largely has a lot of discomfort with actually criticizing behaviors it outwardly condemns when those with power and social capital are the ones doing the abusing.

but like i said, yknow, that's all complicated shit and i think your average like ~problematique darkfic~ writer has not really attempted to wrestle with any of those points in relation to their own work. or even cares about them or finds them valuable questions. it's really readily apparent too when people from this general "camp" are like "but what about when people like hannibal from tv show? he ate people???" like, as if there's the same sort of cultural defense of cannibalism as there is of fucking rape that makes idealized depictions of rape dangerous. like, get real.

also ive bitched about this on my personal but 90% of people who are not incest survivors like just in general have not even the barest understanding of what is actually objectionable about incest, so i don't tolerate its incursion into fandom shit basically at all. not to mention that debates about it tend to be massively offensive toward actual survivors on both sides (protip: try not to rely on arguments about how it's 'gross,' it's really fucking stigmatizing to hear repeatedly that abuse you have endured is primarily objectionable because other people think it's yucky rather than because it causes extreme harm physically and emotionally).

anyway tl;dr i am just really tired of people being dumb and knee-jerk in their endless quest to find justifications for being just as utterly offensive and vocally reprehensible as possible without any criticism or repercussions and how said desperation has really watered down any useful dialogues that could be had about fiction and its impacts on survivors of abuse in favor of, like, having to anticipate utterly inane bad-faith arguments from people who do not give a shit about anything but their own sense of being pleasurably naughty and transgressive. like the majority of proship arguments have all the intellectual honesty and depth of "but i WANT to stick my hand in the cookie jar!" to me.

#i obviously don't agree with harassment but i also don't think that means immunity from criticism. <3 #rape ment #incest ment #tag for complaining #ask to tag

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dancerin-thedarkness · 2 years

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Hauntology Response Week 6

I liked Everything Everywhere All At Once more than any other assigned text (is it a text?) we've covered thus far, yet I also find it more difficult to write a response to than anything else we've covered. I don't know why that is. Partially, it's likely because it's fictional. It's easy to connect abstract ideas that we find in essays to my life and my practice; it's harder to look at a fictional narrative and make those same connections. (This is, of course, hypocritical, since a chunk of my work takes its influence from fiction, especially cinema)

Anyway, something I do want to respond to is the idea that the movie has about the value of silliness and fun. This is a movie with lot of Big Themes (tm) and ideas, and it could easily be a dense, heavy movie. It wouldn't even be a bad film if that was the case (though it would be less enjoyable). Despite that, this movie chooses to be fucking hilarious. It chooses to have hot dog fingers and a lesbian dressed like lady gaga fighting people with dildos and googly eyes and existential despair represented by a giant cosmic bagel. None of those things are necessary, or conversely, they are entirely necessary, not just to the plot of the film but to what the film fundamentally is.

This, and the subsequent conversations we've had in class about this, have really prompted me to do some thinking about the role of fun and humor in my work. As I've said, a lot of my work is coming from this deep place full of trauma and heavy emotions, and it depicts things that might alternately be sad or scary or gross, and sometimes that's something that I feel insecure about. I don't want to be the angry sad lesbian making trauma art and body horror, yet...I am. I am all of those things, and yet I want my work to feel beautiful and to explore fun and joy. The main way that I strive for this is in my color choices and the aesthetic choices I make as an artist, when I make big saturated and textured pieces with neon colors and lots of brushstrokes and visual information. In a conversation with a professor during a studio visit (hi, neil!), they said that my work felt like it was trying to seduce them with color, which I think sounds fucking cool, and is also a good descriptor for my approach to color.

Moving forward, I want that push and pull to remain a presence in my art, and to become even more present. The obvious way to do this is to keep doing what I'm doing because, at least to an extent, it works, and I have fun doing it. In the same studio visit (hi, neil!) we talked about pushing the exploration of joy as a topic in my art. This is something I brush in my art-- or brush past, along my way to the Heavy Stuff (tm). This conversation did affect me and I have been bringing it to my practice lately, which is more experimental and confusing for me than its ever been, and which is putting more of a focus on positive emotions, like joy and desire.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with people who are marginalized making art about that. I don't think that there is anything wrong with people who are traumatized making art about that trauma. This is something that has been fundamental to my development as an artist and, more importantly, to my development and understanding of myself as a person. I just also don't want to be afraid to explore my joys and desires, or downplay either the positive mental impacts of that, or the potential beauty it could bring to my art. It is time for me to stop being afraid of the happy, and to stop feeling that the things that are funny or fun are somehow less than.

#HauntologyWriting

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mybookplacenet · 2 years

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Author Interview: Michael Anthony

Tell us about yourself.: My name is Michael Anthony, I'm a writer an author of the graphic memoir, "Just Another Meat-Eating Dirtbag," and the award-winning and acclimated memoirs "Civilianized, " and "Mass Casualties. " My work has appeared widely across the web in various publications and formats, I hold an MFA in creative writing from Lesley University and am a volunteer for the Veterans Writing Project. Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?: I grew up in Massachusetts, which has a deep history of early American literature (from Emerson and Thoreau to Melville). Do you have any unusual writing habits? I think my biggest writing quirk is that I tend to write in bursts, meaning I might not write for two weeks but then I'll have a day where I write for 14 hours straight and skip breakfast and lunch. What authors have influenced you? I grew up in Massachusetts, which has a deep history of early American literature (from Emerson and Thoreau to Melville). Do you have any advice for new authors? Don't give up. It's a sludge out there, but keep working at it, keep writing, editing and improving, keep submitting and eventually something will happen! What is the best advice you have ever been given? Shorten your sentences. What are you reading now? Scars and Stripes by Tim Kennedy What's your biggest weakness? Time management when it comes to a day job, writing career, new projects, family responsibilities, exercising, etc. What is your favorite book of all time? All Quiet on the Western Front When you're not writing, how do you like to spend your time? Playing with my two kids. Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you? First story I ever remember reading was three little pigs and he big bad wolf with my mother. I've been a reader ever since. What has inspired you and your writing style? Just being a lifelong reader, it gives me access to a wide range of writers and styles. What are you working on now? My latest book out is a graphic memoir "Just Another Meat-Eating Dirtbag," but after this book I'm going to finally throw myself at a few fiction pieces I've been working on. What is your favorite method for promoting your work? Sharing the word as far and wide as possible through word of mouth from current readers. What's next for you as a writer? After three non-fiction books I'm going to work on a few fiction projects that I've had on the backburner. How well do you work under pressure? Very well, comes from my military training and time in Iraq. How do you decide what tone to use with a particular piece of writing? I don't know if I made a specific decision, it's just what came to me and felt right and sounded right in my head. If you could share one thing with your fans, what would that be? That I appreciate them taking the time to read my work and that I hope they enjoy it and it has a positive impact on their lives. Michael Anthony's Author Websites and Profiles Website Amazon Profile Goodreads Profile Michael Anthony's Social Media Links Twitter Instagram Read the full article

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astrolovecosmos · 3 years

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Neptune: Deep Dive

Pink petals

fallen onto

night shaded

waters.

Nothing is ever as it seems.

Wood turned to metal.

Reality turned to dreams.

-Natasha Reeves

The planet Neptune I think is most famous for two things - illusions and dreamy or ethereal associations. A lot of negativity is also commonly associated such as addiction, insanity, guilt, sorrow, denial, and doubt. This planet is complex and just like all the other planets has a huge array of associations. What prompted me to do a deep dive in Neptune? Well for one I’ve been going through the transit of Neptune in Pisces crossing over my IC which has been powerful and I am at the end of my progressed Moon in the 12th House. Also in my own chart I’ve been paying more attention to my natal Neptune placements... which are a lot more prominent and worthy of my attention than I’ve understood and noticed in the past. Honestly I spend a lot more time analyzing others’ charts vs. my own, and I really should have looked more closely at some of my own aspects. I have had a LOT of experience with Pisces influences throughout my life, intense ones. I want to make it clear that Pisces DOES NOT = Neptune. I’ve always wanted to write a whole essay about my experience as a Pisces friend, lover, family member, enemy, etc. An outsiders opinion but that isn’t this. This is a disclaimer because this is going to be both theory and my own experiences. This is a deep dive.

The Sea’s Love and Wrath

Neptune in a lot of mainstream media is described as gentle but this planet can be unpredictable and harsh, with erratic energy that could rival Uranus. Neptune can be about tolerance and kindness, seeing past the ego and material. Neptune can embody or promote unconditional love and forgiveness. Because Neptune can be about dissolving and merging this planet allows us to see ourselves in others, maybe even in everyone allowing for compassion, empathy, and the ability to love very freely and openly. But the illusion and deception of Neptune is its shadow.

Romanticizing and idealizing can be one of Neptune’s downfalls. Many times this is described as putting other’s on a pedestal but this can be applied to any area of life from work to places to ideals. From this those with strong Neptune aspects or prominent placements can find that disappointment is a frequent visitor. Neptune square, opposite, or conjunct Venus can quickly fall for others, trust others, and gravitates towards those they want to help or who have a strong personality they can meld with. Neptune opposite or square Mercury may face the frustration and disappointment of frequently being misunderstood or finding that they easily misread others or trust their words. After feeling tricked there can be wrath to these oceanic bodies.

Where will their vengeance or anger land? It isn’t fair if they idolize you to get mad at you... sometimes their anger is self-loathing and self-destructive, other times they take you down with them. But the lesson is that Neptune can be as soft and as dangerous as the sea.

Enlightenment and Madness

Coming down from the high, was getting lost in Neptune’s blue. Dreams and visions dancing in the back of my mind, when reality is so hard to chew. Sensation used to distract and pieces of stories stitched together to where nothing is fact.- Natasha Reeves

There are many influences that can grant us wisdom or enlightenment throughout astrology, but I don’t see too many writings or posts about Neptune and its connection to enlightenment, nirvana, or eurekas and on the flipside also insanity and denial. Neptune can pull away the fog to give us clarity - especially when looking at the whole of things, the big picture. Neptune can famously also be the fog.

The transit of Neptune crossing over my IC/4th House brought a lot of light to my childhood and how I was raised. However my IC is in Pisces, while Pisces isn’t the same as the planet, and many astrologers believe Neptune is not the ruling planet of Pisces - it is a sign known for illusions, confusion, and vagueness much like Neptune. I came from a place of a lot of secretiveness and vagueness, but when the “planet of illusions” crossed over I found myself accepting the instability and moments I felt lost or clueless in my life as well as looking back with remembering and understanding.

Neptune can represent the part of us that is hard to grasp and understand, it also faces us with the idea that it is okay to have unanswered questions, to not have closure, that many times we have to create that closure or solidity ourselves. Neptune much like Jupiter is a matter of faith whether in ourselves or a higher power.

It should be noted Neptune doesn’t always mean outside sources. Neptune is an introverted, intimate actor. It can represent how we lie to ourselves, trick ourselves, or how we push responsibility off of ourselves. Neptune also allows us to see, understand, more importantly feel what we easily ignore or can’t see.

Life’s Extremes - Our Extremes

“Neptune moves between the greatest extremes: from the highest spiritual awareness through imagination, fantasy, and illusion, to the depths of deceptions and disillusionment. The planet of mysticism, glamour, and enchantment, Neptune exerts a hypotonic fascination.” - Judy Hall.

When many think of extremes they probably think Pluto before Neptune. The blue sphere isn’t going to take away the icy orb’s reputation - Pluto holds tightly in terms of extremes, but Neptune is far from a level-headed, consistent influence. Let’s touch on fantasy and illusion - two things that tends to warn of foolishness or impracticality, but fantasy is part of everyone’s life, no matter how pragmatic or mature an individual claims to be. From coping to manifesting to understanding to enjoying, fantasy is a natural human thing. Think of how often you daydream in an hour, how many books, movies, and games you indulge in, how often you find yourself being tempted by gossip, and how often you find yourself painting a picture of another in your head - negative or positive.

Neptune symbolizes the abstract, importance, and rawness of our fantasies. Individuals with prominent Neptune aspects can find themselves easily tapping into their imagination, falling into escapism frequently, or have a great use for their wild ideas. If you think of the subject of fantasies or illusion as an extreme - it makes sense. You aren’t going to get an interesting story without the gods and monsters. Our sleeping dreams often are filled with strangeness or strong emotions. Clarity to madness, hopeless romantic highs to deeply wounded sorrows, and dissolving/surrendering to becoming whole/complete are common extremes this planet centers around.

I have Mercury Square Neptune which tends to make one doubtful of their own opinions and intellect, can increase misunderstandings, and make communication difficult for the individual. Mercury Square Neptune can make someone highly persuasive and deceptive but it can also make one easily confused, tricked, and manipulated by others. Rationality and intuition can conflict. One experience I have with this aspect is usually swinging from extremes to being very withdrawn and quiet to interrupting others, chatting away. I’ve been described by those in my life as always saying something they didn’t expect - few words but impactful or strange ones. This is an example of the more everyday way Neptune can present itself.

“Neptune-attuned people possess glamour in the old sense of the word: the ability to bewitch. They are also impossible to categorize or pin down, demonstrating the planet’s elusive quality. Lacking strong boundaries, Neptune-attuned people are susceptible to outside influences.” - Judy Hall. It is from these lack of boundaries and fluidness we see Neptune’s extremeness. Neptune aspects can have us take on the traits of others and there is intensity in that. Let’s say we are talking about a Neptune to Mercury aspect, here may be someone who is easily energized or put down by the mood of another. Neptune to Mars can create a volatile person who fights, guards, and pursues based on their inner circle.

Alice: Imagination and Dreams

Personally I tend to associate Alice in Wonderland with Gemini themes. But I’ve seen her used as a metaphor for many placements and influences, such as Scorpio and Pluto. Neptune’s lostness certainly relates to the character and story. Neptune can be the planet of dreams. Challenging aspects to Saturn indicates someone who struggles to get in touch with reality while easy aspects to Saturn indicates someone who can marry big dreams or imagination to practicality.

Neptune to Moon aspects can indicate powerful dreaming - almost intuitive or helpful in processing stress or trauma. So does Neptune in the 12th, 4th, 8th, and possibly 9th. Neptune in the 2nd can mean imagination or even dreams themselves act as a resource, maybe this is through inspiration or increasing one’s belief or confidence. Neptune in the 3rd may find themselves always remembering their dreams and keeping a journal. Neptune in the 5th blessed with all of the fun dreams of flying or dreaming of a favorite fictional character. Neptune in the 6th or 10th may find strikes of inspiration, knowledge, problem solving, or important foresight in their sleep. Neptune in the 11th may find comfort or realize important information about self and/or society in their dreams.

Neptune is a newer planet, many times called the visionary, healer, or spiritual link or messenger. Traditional astrologers can approach the planet with a lot of skepticism. Its exaltation is in creative Leo, detriment in practical Virgo, and fall in usually praised as “visionary” Aquarius. Neptune is still new enough to be a hot topic of debate. You will find many astrologers don’t even agree on the planet’s exaltation, fall, and detriment. Leo is considered one of the most creative sign and on the topic of imagination and dreams Neptune can feel amazing in this sign. It feels confident and shinning in its ideas, fantasies, and magic. Elusive and ever-changing Neptune doesn’t feel comfortable in stable and structured Virgo. But Aquarius is an unexpected challenge for Neptune. Aquarius is about collective action - unity that Neptune also is familiar with. But Aquarius is a cold sign and despite its unconventional side can be highly practical and may dislike unrealistic ideas or approaches. Saturn is Aquarius’s co-ruler after all. Neptune wants oneness as in intimacy, not oneness in action or rebellion like Aquarius. Neptune is the magical moonlit spring to heal all your wounds, especially the emotional and spiritual kind. Aquarius is the soul forge in Asgard from Thor: The Dark World or the hypospray in Star Trek. Aquarius is modern medicine most of the time and when Neptune is dressed in Aquarius’s colors at its best it is advanced medicine we don’t understand yet but are working towards. Neptune in Aquarius can be a genius, but it is about ambitious realism to help others, Neptune at its heart is about helping the individual on the most personal level. Aquarius is random strikes of lightning coming from an active mind while Neptune flows from one spot to another, always connected and coming from an original primal, emotional place. Aquarius is the future, Neptune is outside of time. Aquarius is intellect and Neptune emotions and intuition. Aquarius is rebellion, riot, revolution, Neptune is peace or death and rebirth - Aquarius is the noise and Neptune the silence.

Some believe Neptune’s fall is in Capricorn, which the struggles exist with Capricorn’s strictness and clinging to reality and control. Neptune in Leo is Alice looking regal like a queen or warrior going to fight the jabberwock, Neptune in Virgo can get dark, feeling uncomfortable and maybe in pain, but still important and empowering. Alice in Aquarius or Capricorn is likely a totally new story, adult Alice putting away the tea parties and white rabbits for a lab coat or pantsuit.

What about Healing and the Spiritual?

Let’s get to what Neptune may be most known for. That otherworldly connection, the power of love, transcendence. Neptune is dramatic and it is soothing. Neptune embraces all aspects of the human experience so we can focus more on the soul. Neptune is all about healing and how healing can come in a million ways. It can be fast and hard or slow and revealing. It is painful and messy, it goes in cycles, loops, falls and rises.

Neptune whether the aspects are easy or challenging, whether in a house focused on the self or others, it gives everyone ways to heal and to connect. As an outer planet it gives a lot of insight into generations but in the unique placement of one’s chart it touches us with humanity.

Pretty speeches, enchanting metaphors, crazy nights, and charming lovers lead us to our doom and a raw poem, crying ourselves to sleep, old medicine, late night graveyard walks, and maybe a rebound help us pick up the pieces. Neptune many times shows us that the unexpected is what tears us down and what lifts us back up. It teaches us nothing is inherently bad like substances, manipulation, honesty, authority, it is how it is used. Neptune shows us that you are the hero to some and the villain to others.

Regret, shame, guilt, feeling trapped, isolation, addiction, grief, and sorrow are closely linked to Neptune. I believe many times this is due to the healing process or spiritual associations of the planet. These emotions are heavy and life-changing but they are emotions that many times need to be faced with a lot of bravery and work. They are feelings that also help us come to realizations. Neptune is associated with rebirth and if you examine emotions like regret or shame, sometimes rebirth is the only way you can shed those feelings. Neptune’s fluid nature also allows us acceptance, which is needed to deal with such heavy emotions.

While we always talk about the lack of boundaries as a dangerous or bad thing... and it can be, these lack of boundaries like I mentioned above can allow for a very giving love and empathy, it also allows us to feel or interact with a higher power, magic, and the spiritual. Whatever your beat is - religion, magic, or the belief we are just star stuff, Neptune symbolizes our relationship with it.

#neptune #planet #astrology #zodiac #learn astrology

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onenicebugperday · 2 years

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Hi! I'm currently working on an essay on anthropomorphism, particularly how it relates to the portrayal of bugs. It's a tricky subject, since anthropomorphism can provoke feelings of empathy towards beings the viewer normally wouldn't care for, but it can also create some harmful perceptions, like assigning human motives to certain actions (like vilifying wasp aggression).

I'm studying animation, and love bugs (while some others around me despise them), so it's pretty important to me to try and strike a good balance between accuracy and relatability - I wouldn't want to lie to my audience about why they should appreciate and care bugs, after all.

That aside, are there any pieces of media - TV, film, games (though I know you personally aren't a gamer), etc. - that you or your followers would say sparked an interest in bugs for you, or otherwise had some impact on you? Any that portray them particularly positively, or negatively that come to mind?

Thanks for your time, have a nice day!

I think in the case of bugs, they're so hated already by the large majority of people that, in my opinion, any positive image in media is a good thing, even if it assigns human characteristics/emotions to them. That's an easy way to make people empathetic to them and is not generally harmful. But I do also think any media portraying them in a positive light should be as scientifically accurate as possible (allowing of course for artistic/fantasy interpretations). There is no shortage of fun, interesting, and adorable facts about bugs to work into fiction, so I don't think it needs to be made up to be positive, if that makes sense. Ideally, creators would take real bug attributes and find a way to make them cute or relatable, especially for the more vilified and misunderstood bugs like wasps and spiders.

For me, I liked bugs before I ever saw them in any media, so it didn't really influence how I felt about them, but one that comes to mind that was a super positive portrayal was James and the Giant Peach, both the book and the movie. Especially because he's got a spider, centipede, and worm friend, and those are not often portrayed positively.

I'd love to hear what other but media inspired people, so everyone feel free to comment!

#snailyman

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captnjacksparrow · 3 years

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if you had to rank your fav naruto characters how would it go? love your blog btw!!

Hmmm... Complicated ask, anon.😂

[My personal life would be splashed here and there. Please bear with me]

Before 5 months, if you asked me about Naruto, my response would be ‘What the fuck is that?’. I absolutely had no idea such a treasure existed. For me, it started out like a blockbuster movie for the sheer variety of fights and the resulting emotions it brought within me.

However, there was a point I stopped and thought, ‘Wait a fucking second. This resembles my family dynamics. This person is speaking the exact same lines I spoke to my parents few years ago. This person’s situation resembles mine. Did this creator a time traveler?’. Naruto is the only piece of media that gave me such feel. Am not even exaggerating, believe me.

I really liked so many characters very much but am going to try my best to list just 10.

The only characters I hate in this series are Danzo, Sakura and Hinata in no particular order. Meaning, I absolutely cannot see any positives in them. They are crassy, cringey and completely detestable.

FAVOURITE NARUTO CHARACTERS

10. Killer Bee

HaHaHa :-) Just seeing this character makes me smile and light-hearted.

It’s a pity that he is the only character who don’t belong to Konoha in my Top 10 rankings who was developed well apart from Gaara.

I loved him from Frame 1 onwards and I sincerely wished Team Taka should be packed up with their ass beaten up mercilessly. And that’s what happened.

Despite being a Jinchurikki, he never bothered to mind his surroundings and filled his heart with love from his over protective Brother alone was nice to watch.

He makes a great Tag Partner with Naruto next to Sasuke. No doubt.

The way Killer Bee treated Team Taka like some annoying flies and his cool and don’t care attitude was top notch. It’s not just with Sasuke, Bee treated Naruto with the same IDGAF attitude at first.

Best Moments:

Lariat punch to Sasuke (TBH, Sasuke deserved it. LOL)

Blasted off every member of Team Taka like a doll

His entire conversation and fight sequence with Kisame (Their banters and exchanges are way too hilarious)

His dynamics with his Elder Brother (God!!!! Whenever Raikage gives him an Iron Claw.... What a hilarious duo!!!!)

9. Hatake Kakashi

Kakashi was my most favourite character when I started the series for simply being ultra-cool with the way he conducted the Bell-Test and taught a valuable lesson for those bratty kids in Team 7 called ‘Team Work’.

Best Moments:

Kakashi vs Obito Hand-to-Hand Combat (the best in the series)

Kakashi in the Gaara retrieval arc (His fight with Itachi & Deidara gave a good start to the shippuden series. His Mangekyou reveal was surprising).

Kakashi & Guy teaming up with Naruto to reveal Obito in a twisty and tragic way. (Kakashi couldn’t handle the truth at all and neither did I)

Kakashi vs Zabuza (That’s when I realized that the series was getting real serious)

8. Jiraiya

Jiraiya was my next favourite to Kakashi during my Part 1 days. His open perversion and his entire dynamics with Naruto was one of the best things during the Chunin Exams arc. Taught Naruto about Chakra Control and about the way of a shinobi by just enduring. Naruto follows this even today.

Best Moments:

Kuchiyose No Jutsu training (Man, I never expected him to push Naruto off the cliff)

Rasengan Training (One of the best arcs in part 1 and it was soo satisfying to see Naruto punching his first Rasengan on Kabuto, He also acted like a quasi parent to Naruto... heartwarming)

Jiraiya Vs Six paths of Pain ( 6 vs 1 was always doomed but still he had the guts of a shinobi and plunged ahead)

7. Uchiha Madara

Geez. What is there to not like him??

Everything he did was absolutely wrong ever since he broke up with Hashirama in a romantic way much similar to how couples break up in my country.

I am an Uchiha. You are a Senju. I wish it had been different.

This roughly translates to how 75% of lovers break up and marry someone else from their own clan in my state. (Duh!!!)

I am from XXX clan, you are from XXX clan. So we can’t love each other and my parents won’t accept this relationship. So let’s break up.

Alright, my first shipping couple in this series is HashiMada for this exact reason. (I started shipping SNS only after episode 478).

Just like Hashirama, Madara had an extensive build up right from episode 1 where Kurama compares Sasuke with Madara. And flashbacks from Itachi and Tobi spiked my curiosity and I wanted to see his face so badly ever since.

But the moment he landed gracefully like a diva in episode 321.... Woaahhhh!!!! He literally danced in the battlefield and ate up 100′s of guys with just a fucking Sharingan.

Best Moments:

Going Shirtless before 1000′s of people with Hashirama’s face, no less (Well, I literally went heart-eyed for 5 minutes. Sorry Sasuke, your ancester was way much sexier than you in the Orochimaru hideout and beats you by a million points).

Screaming Hashirama’s name like a cockatoo for 300 times even till the very end (Sorry Naruto, your obsession towards Sasuke for about 6 arcs is pale in comparison to Madara’s obsession which was established in just 6 or 7 episodes.)

I have 25 clones now. Do you want me to put Susanoo or not? You can’t answer. The answer is yes. (Man, his I don’t give a fuck attitude is just an alien level thing)

Openly admitting Only Hashirama Can Beat Me (Say what you will about Sasuke, Madara has no qualms about accepting his inferiority in terms of power. An absolute Straight Forward diva-queen)

Awakening Sharingan for breaking up with his ‘friend’ rather than for his 3 dead brothers. (Geez, Poor Soul. He is the forefather of a Romantic Uchiha. That romantic blood still flows in Sasuke)

6. Senju Hashirama

Man, I would have placed him somewhere in top 5 if only he was introduced early or had more scenes. I started watching Naruto only because of this very name. There is a local podcaster in my state who goes under the alias of Senju Hashirama and in his podcasts, he hinted about this character and how he was inspired by his ideals. I just googled and saw that this character belonged to Naruto series and I considered watching it. Here I am, making analysis on that very series.

There was this excellent build up for him right when we got introduced to Captain Yamato. He was constantly referred in flashbacks from Itachi and Tobi especially.

But the moment he was reanimated again..... Geez..... It was an hilarious ride all throughout. Out of all the flashbacks we got from this series, Founders Era flashback was my absolute favourite.

From where I come from, we are still under the stupid influence of Clan infrastructure and are not growing up in many aspects like people in western countries do. For me, I hope, one day, someone like Senju Hashirama appears in our state and change our lives for better by uniting all clans as one and treats everyone equally without the shitty favouritism for their own children, friends, parents, siblings.

That’s why this dialogue struck a thunder in my heart

“Be they a friend.... Be they a sibling.... Be it even my own child. I will not forgive anyone who threatens the village.”

Because the clan leaders in our place are absolutely selfish, trash bastards who serves their own needs with no regards for other people from other clans. For a person like me, Hashirama is not just a fictional hero, he is someone who many aspires to become. No wonder that podcaster chose this name as his alias.

He rightfully deserved the title ‘God of Shinobi’. And no one can surpass him, not even Naruto.

Best Moments:

Wood Style vs Eternal Mangekyou sharingan + Kurama powered Madara (He just beats Madara’s ass by a wide margin. This shows he was a whole fucking different level than Naruto + Sasuke combined. In terms of strength, nobody surpassed him YET. Sorry Naruto and Sasuke, you guys are no match even now with your Rinnegan and Kurama lost forever).

His entire banters with Madara (ROFLLLL. Without him, it would have been just another lifeless arc.)

5. Senju Tobirama

Hmmm, let me tell you something about him.

First off, he is not a racist or fascist as many hardcore Sasuke fanatics claims. He is one of the best hokages according to me. He is abso-fucking-lutely practical, rational, logical and holds no grudge. And Sasuke resembles Tobirama with all these characteristics as compared to soft and naive Naruto. If only he had more screen time, he would be easily in my top 3.

Just because he didn’t lick the boots of Uchiha (many people’s favorite clan or may I say the only clan that was given any shit about in this series), it doesn’t make him a racist or fascist.

No, he never persecuted the Uchihas. Danzo, the crass bastard, driven off the Uchihas only after the Kyuubi incident. It was explicitly mentioned in the databook and was clearly explained in the series.

He literally gave the highest position in the village for the entire clan. That is, a military power inside a military village. ‘Shinobi who can cause crimes can only be stopped by shinobi who are even better’. In my state, if a powerful clan decided to persecute another clan, they simply start by cutting off basic amenities like Water and Electricity. Compared to what I’ve seen, Tobirama did nothing but given the Uchihas, the highest position in their village.

Orochimaru only said giving such a power made them conceited (arrogant). Tobirama had a trusted subordinate called Kagami, an Uchiha in his team. He suggested Kabuto to help Sasuke and even teleported him on his request. He even spited Madara for killing Sasuke, an Uchiha. He openly claimed Uchiha clan exceeds Senju in terms of Love. He openly appreciated Itachi and Kagami as someone who sees beyond their clan. In what world, would a racist or fascist do all this for a clan he hates???

Yes, he was cautious of Sasuke at first because he saw him with Orochimaru and even went full-on battle mode because of Sasuke’s carefree threat to destroy the village. But once he decided to go to the battlefield to fight Madara, he simply forgot everything that happened before and started to work with him as a comrade, and even helped him twice. In which world, a racist or fascist behave this way?

Believe me, a person like me who was grown with these clan politics surely can say who is a fascist. He was not. He was just cautious of them because of their ability to attain superpowers with just emotions alone. Let me ask you all this, ‘Would you be okay with people getting crazy powers whenever they are depressed?’. Being cautious is not racism. It really disrespects people who faced real oppression under fascism.

What Madara and Danzo did was a classical example of fascism.

And No, Izuna didn’t die only because of Tobirama. He died because Madara was too arrogant to instigate war with Senju clan. And this was way before forming Konoha. If Tobirama killed Izuna after the alliance between Uchiha and Senju, I would agree that he was a racist. Izuna lost his life just like any other Uchiha and Senju soldiers in that battlefield.

Just because he shitted your beloved ‘Sasuke-Kun’ doesn’t mean he is a racist too. Tobirama saw Sasuke along with that scoundrel Orochimaru who once used this very two hokages to destroy the very village they strived hard to create and protect. What will you do, if you were in his place?? Please don’t lie and say ‘I wouldn’t be judgemental’.

And Imagine you are Tobirama, Sasuke is threatening to commit genocide against the entire village who had no idea about this coup detat instead of going against those old hags. Will you sit quiet as a Hokage??

He was the first person to suggest his brother, Itama, that Revenge against Uchihas are futile. All we need is an agreement to make truce. That gave the idea for Hashirama to pursue his dream. And Tobirama was happy to follow that dream and very supportive.

It’s because of all these reasons I placed him above Senju Hashirama.

Best Moments:

Amazing power display against Sasuke & Co with just an index finger (It was a pleasure to see everyone’s face trembling with mild sweat including Sasuke).

Acted as a decoy to save his young subordinates. (The way he sacrificed his life saying young wills of fire must be protected is just Woow!! I wish his subordinates listened to his words and passed the mantle to the younger ones rather than playing game at such an old age and screwed up many lives. Pfft!!!)

Any time he says ‘Shut Up’ to Hashirama (ROFL)

His absolute ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude to Naruto, Sasuke, Hashirama, Minato and Madara (He trolled them all mercilessly and I love it)

4. Senju Tsunade

It hurts me to say that Tsunade is the only female character in my list because every other female characters were written in a much more piss poorly way. Only Konan came close to Tsunade but her role was very short.

Despite her character’s purpose revolved around another male character (Dan) and a blatant objectification of her breasts, I liked everything about her other than those mentioned above.

She is the Second Best Hokage who took Konoha right after the destruction made by Orochimaru, excellently handled the aftermath by making friendly relations with Suna (Sand village), provided her best medical support to Konoha in the Pain Arc and successfully handled the fourth Shinobi world war.

She is such a badass who developed her own original jutsu called Byakugou no Jutsu, which can heal herself.

She is just way too amazing and it’s a pity that we got very less scenes in Shippuden.

Best Moments:

Took 25+ stabs from Madara’s Susanoo like a piece of cake (Man, I simply couldn’t describe that scene. All the other Kages were shocked and even Madara too)

Lifted her advisors like a cabbage sack (Those fucking old hags deserved it. Those shits should’ve died)

Her index finger flick assault on Naruto (Aww, Naruto was definitely bratty in his first meeting and Tsunade didn’t hold back at all)

Played Orochimaru like a basketball (In that same arc, she fought Orochimaru mercilessly like a devil left and right. Someone who claimed to have surpassed Tsunade never even dared to fight Orochimaru’s student and crying for his attention after just receiving one stab from Madara. Just saying)

3. Uzumaki Naruto

Naruto is the titular character and your emotions evolve along with him. He surely deserves a spot in Top 3. The only reason I didn’t place Naruto even more higher is because he didn’t experience something very important which many characters in this list faced. That is, Losing a loved one before his eyes. Every villain in this series became what they are because they lost someone important before their eyes like Nagato, Obito. (Nope, I don’t count Neji as his loved one). I think this tests the mettle of any character and Naruto failed to experience this. The only person he ever lost was Jiraiya and that too from off-screen. That’s why I felt his journey to his dreams seemed little easier compared to the rest of the characters.

His best block of episodes will always be the part 1 Episode 1, 2, 3. Episode 1 is the character defining episode for Naruto and what he learned there will be applied everywhere till the very end of the series. He learned 3 things

Forgiveness, Empathy and Acceptance

Talk-No-Jutsu

Kage Bunshin no Jutsu

From then on, this boy wins many friends to his side, not only from Konoha but from other villages too and even made them to acknowledge his strength only through his sheer hard work.

However, there is this person, whose acknowledgement he wants the most. That person is his most important bond along with Iruka Sensei. He is none other than Sasuke. One day, Sasuke left him alone for some unavoidable reason at the end of part 1 which left a huge scar in him and he vows to bring him back to the place where he belongs. That becomes his ultimate goal rather than becoming an Hokage.

The way he goes to any extent to protect the people he cares about is just simply entertaining to watch.

Every time he makes an heroic entry to save the day was never boring, not once.

Best Moments:

Sobbing from his heart after hearing Iruka Sensei acknowledging him (It just makes me feel heavy for no reason. The anime team did an awesome job to capture his emotions convincingly)

Awakening Kyuubi Mode for the first time after seeing Sasuke die in his arms (Man, out of all the collective hatred he got from the villagers, this moment affected him a lot speaks volumes)

Punching Neji from the underground to win the Chunin exams (God, I honestly believed Naruto lost but he just surprised us heavily from nowhere. And that failure speech was just pure bliss to watch even today)

Pain Vs Naruto (One of the best arc for Naruto. Because unlike other arcs, where Naruto fought with a team, this arc he was all alone fighting a person with Rinnegan. Be it the exuberant landing from the frogs with a dramatic kabuki music, creating multi-step attacks, coming up with novel solution in that difficult situation, finally ending the conflict without killing the enemy, becoming an hero. Superb journey. The only thing I didn’t like in that arc is some shitty selfish proposal. PUKE!!)

Bearing the burdens of his most important person and die along with him (This boy always shouts he will never die until he becomes an Hokage. But for Sasuke, he was ready to die along with him in order to not leave him alone proves how much he loves him. This shows his emotional maturity rather than shouting at Sasuke like he always did before which never reached his ears. This time it did)

Final Good Bye to Minato (Honestly, I was bawling just like Naruto in that scene no matter how many times I watch it. It started out slow but as he speaks more and more, he simply couldn’t hold back and wept a sea of tears 😭😭😭)

2. Uchiha Sasuke

One of the well written characters in this series, with all the flaws and positive stuffs which makes him more of an Anti-Hero. He always subverts my preformed opinions and never ceased to surprise me.

Despite being aloof and cold, his warmer side will always be exposed towards Naruto. This is evident by many things he had done for Naruto which he don’t have to or no reason to. Starting right from roasting Sakura, offering lunch, asking for tips, enquiring about breakfast, protecting him many times and dying for Naruto.

Why I placed him above Naruto is because of his unavoidable decision to tread in a complicated dark path primarily due to the trauma he carried and was stirred up again by collective factors such as Orochimaru’s cursed seal, Itachi’s arrival and Naruto’s growth. Compared to Sasuke, Naruto had an easier path because he never saw anyone die before his eyes and hence he don’t carry any trauma which can divert his path.

Even after watching his entire clan and family members murdered before his eyes at an age 8, he managed to pull himself and never snapped out like many other good characters does. But the moment when he found out that Itachi was good all along, he simply couldn’t tolerate the truth and gave himself to Vengeance. Because, he loved his brother more than he hated him all these years. This shows he loved his brother more than his parents. His resolve to destroy Konoha was perfectly understandable. But is it good? Nope. He can kill Danzo and those old hags but killing other people was never justifiable.

But still, his resolve to have his vengeance was diverted by Naruto and weakened by Itachi, at some point. So, he decided to know the truth and when he heard it, he understood the Hokages also sacrificed many precious things to protect this village just like his Brother Itachi. He understood the mistakes of his clan and decided to protect the village which he swore to destroy. [Many Sasuke fanatics think that he succumbed to the Government and Kishi wrote Sasuke to bootlick them. Their idea was to tackle genocide with another genocide. What a stupid idea!!!!]

And No, I don’t consider him trying to kill Sakura, Karin and Kakashi as his bad moments (though I feel bad for Karin). For the simple reason being, he became a monster by losing himself in the darkness who lost the rationality to differentiate friends from foes. Much similar to how Naruto lost himself to Kyuubi’s hatred against Orochimaru and in Pain Arc. It’s so hypocritical to ignore Naruto and accuse Sasuke here. Plus, Sakura had no business to be there otherwise Sasuke would not have tried to kill her.

But does it mean Sasuke did nothing wrong???

Nope.

He definitely shouldn’t have joined Akatsuki and hunted Killer Bee like an animal. Because, he knew that Tobi was the one who helped Itachi massacre the clan. When fighting Itachi he specifically vowed to kill Madara (Tobi). On top of that, Itachi passed on Amaterasu in his eyes specifically to stay away from Tobi. Why did he ally with him? Plus, Sasuke was one of the few characters who was exposed to the name ‘Akatsuki’ in part 1 itself. He clearly knew that this organization targets Naruto, his closest bond. Why did he join there? This is where the stupid part of Sasuke came out. I was grunting... ‘Oii Where did that clever Sasuke, who faced 1000 soldiers without killing any of them, went??’.

And his plan for Revolution???? I thought it would be reasonable. But his vision was eerily similar to Danzo’s vision. Grrr..... Danzo also wanted to create his ideal village by destroying the current Hokage. He wanted to unite the Five Village and put himself on top of everyone as evident from the Kage Summit arc.

I appreciate him that he finally adopted the Will of Fire, by wanting to protect the village at all costs just like Itachi and Hashirama did. But his methods are not very democratic. Plus, he wanted to do it alone. I was screaming at him... ‘Grrr, Sasuke, did you listen to Itachi at all???. He failed because he did everything alone. Why can’t you understand????’ This is also another instance, Sasuke’s stupidity glanced out.

I am happy Naruto knocked some sense into him by telling him not to do it alone but together.

Many fanatics also ask, ‘What did Sasuke do wrong to atone for his sins at the end?’.

I was like ‘Reallly????’

He joined Akatsuki, an organization which terrorized all the 5 villages and he hunted someone like an international criminal.

He spoiled the Kage Summit and attacked Raikage who lost his arm because of him. I know what happened over there is not Sasuke’s fault. But these are the kages who was loved by many people in their own villages. How can the world forget it and simply let him go?

It’s exactly because of all those lovely stuffs he did in Part 1 and all these mistakes he did in Part 2 but willing to correct his mistakes by sharing the burdens of his other half in the end made him more interesting, complicated and exciting and that’s why I love this character.

I also have a personal bias to love this character sooo much because of the character on top of my list.

Best Moments:

Defending Naruto before Sakura (Awww!!! Such a good boy he was. Eventhough I thought he was a typical arrogant K-Drama hero, he just subverted my opinion in that one scene. I always have a thing for people who stands up for someone even though they don’t have to. This is where I started to like Sasuke)

My body moved on its own. (Is there anything that trumps this scene in terms of emotions and love in this series?. This moment is where I understood the depth of Sasuke’s emotions towards Naruto).

What is a Clan? What is a Village? What is a Shinobi? (I was really hoping for Sasuke to question himself something similar to this. Because he was so self-absorbed in his hatred and failed to look outside him ever since he left the village. It was so gratifying that he did that)

Killing Orochimaru (I always thought Sasuke will kill him only after he tries to take over the body. Never imagined that he will strike the snake first)

Killing Danzo (Man, what an amazing battle!!!. It was so gratifying to see such a crass bastard die many times over and over).

His dramatic confession through his monologue (After the mystery of Who is this Tobi, Sasuke’s obsession towards Naruto remained a mystery for me. Why did he listen to Naruto under the bridge? Why did he protected Naruto in the War? I got the answer only after this confession. It was so heartwarming to see this mellow side of Sasuke)

1. Uchiha Itachi

I could write pages about him. The foremost reason I like Itachi and earns the top spot in my rankings is because he shockingly resembled me in many ways. As I already said, I come from a place where clan politics plays a major role and when I see Sasuke’s flashback in part 1, I was simply dumbstruck by such a detailed similarities.

Elder child of the family - ✅

Have an adorable younger sister who loves me more than my parents - ✅

Same age gap (5 years) with my sister as Itachi and Sasuke - ✅

Parents paying total attention on me while ignoring my sister completely - ✅

Parents constantly comparing my achievements with my sister - ✅

A sister who bear hugged me every time I entered the home after returning from my school - ✅

Despite my mom being a teacher, my sister always prefers me to teach her stuffs as she considers me to be way too better than my mom - ✅

Love my sister more than my parents - ✅

Clan-Obsessed parents - ✅

Used me as a tool for the benefit of the clan - ✅

Sending another person from my clan to spy on me - ✅

Strained relationship with my parents - ✅

Disgusted with my clan - ✅

Most importantly, this dialogue from part 1 episode 129,

Clan? Clan?

Obsessed with the organization, Obsessed with the clan, Obsessed with the name, that’s merely the detestable action that restrict yourself.

I have given up all hope in this worthless clan

Because, people obsess themselves to their clan, a thing so petty, they lose sight of the things that are truly important.

A real change cannot occur under restraints and controls

I confronted my parents with the exact same dialogue (almost 98% similar) in my own native language some years ago.

I didn’t even know the existence of Naruto series at that time. I was simply shell-shocked by all these similarities with this character.

And Yes, The moment I heard these dialogues, I knew Itachi, was a good guy, who had a very strong reason for his actions and I instantly knew Sasuke’s revenge will not bear him any happiness.

It is exactly because of all these striking similarities of myself with Itachi, and my lil’l sister with Sasuke, my family dynamics with the Uchiha family.... I could understand the magnitude of Sasuke’s love towards Itachi.

And precisely because of that, I could understand Sasuke’s love towards Naruto is not fucking ‘brotherly’ one but something that leans towards Attraction.

No wonder, Itachi left Sasuke in Naruto’s care.

Anyways to speak objectively,

Itachi is an extremely self-sacrificial person whose life is full of pain and miseries but never blames it on the world unlike other Uchiha members like Madara, Obito and Sasuke to an extent.

He did things considering the bigger picture which never benefitted himself in anyway and was willing to go to any extent even at the expense of his own family and his brother’s happiness. That is, Uchiha Clan Massacre and Joining Akatsuki. None of this benefitted him in anyways but he did it anyway, for the village of Konoha.

His ideals are shockingly similar to Hashirama, Which Sasuke pointed this out and Hashirama acknowledged that Itachi was a better shinobi than he was. ❤️❤️❤️

Now, does this means I support Uchiha clan massacre?

No way. Even Itachi didn’t.

This massacre happened because of the huge clusterfuck from Hiruzen’s incompetence, Danzo’s paranoid arrogance, Uchiha clan’s devious plan to over throw the government by force rather than approaching it in a peaceful way, say, a peace talk or a protest.

All these people acted on their own self-interest. Itachi and Shisui caught in their whirlpool, bear their burdens and paid for it with their life. Sasuke suffered for it.

But, it’s not the only reason I love this character. It’s because, the moment he decided to massacre everyone, he marked his own death by the hands of his beloved brother. I love people who owns up their mistakes and face the consequences rather than making excuses (even though it’s not entirely his mistake).

Itachi is also the only character in this series who realized his failures on his own without anyone’s interference or Naruto’s Talk-No-Jutsu.

And he apologized for everything he did to Sasuke.

Again, some hardcore Sasuke fanatics criticize/hate him for torturing their poor ‘Sasuke-Kun’ with his Tsukuyomi. I was like ‘Hmmm...What?’.

First off, Itachi apologized to Sasuke for not thinking out from his point of view and also for not telling him the truth earlier.

Second off, Sasuke never even blamed Itachi for anything (even he didn’t hold him for killing their parents). If Sasuke himself, forgiven Itachi... Why are his fans being so rabid?

Third off, for all of his supposed ‘crimes’, he paid for it by dying as a disgraceful Madman rather than a Hero who really saved the village. He is someone who should be celebrated like Naruto but instead died proudly as a Traitor of Konoha.

All in all, One of the wonderfully written character I have ever seen in the media.

Best Moments:

Itachi vs Sasuke (That battle was a pure brilliance and highly emotional especially after knowing the truth. When Sasuke released his Kirin, Itachi showed off his ultimate armour Susanoo like a badass. Seeing Susanoo for the first time gave me chills. No, Sasuke didn’t kill him. Itachi died on his own)

Itachi vs Orochimaru (Man, Itachi may look mellow but when it comes to Orochimaru he is a pure Sass. He screwed that snake up both the times by a wide margin. It seems Uchiha brothers like to fuck up Orochimaru, LOL)

Talk-No-Jutsu’ing Naruto (Geez, Naruto was being completely bratty and was full of saviour complex like he was going to bear everyone’s hatred by himself. I was almost annoyed. Thanks to Itachi, he realised. Probably he is the only character to shut Naruto using his own jutsu)

Izanami’ing Kabuto (Other than Naruto, he is the only character to go out of his way to empathize with a villain and put extreme effort to change him. I think this is why Sasuke loves Naruto, for seeing these similarities??? ).

Goodbye to Sasuke (The first time when he said ‘Forgive me, Sasuke. This is the last’ by poking his forehead and finally closing the distance by butting with Sasuke’s head softly saying ‘I will love you always’.... It always evokes uncontrollable tears in me, no matter how many times I watch it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)

HONOURABLE MENTION

Uchiha Obito

God, Am such a sucker for Uchiha guys individually, though collectively as a clan they fucked up big time. I simply couldn’t find the place for him in the top 10. He is a classic example of What Naruto will be like if he becomes a villain?

However, all those horrible stuffs he did just for a girl whom he had a crush on which was never reciprocated seems childish. That’s why I couldn’t put him in Top 10.

And his understandable but weird obsession on Naruto was always enjoyable to watch.

One cute thing I liked about him was, whatever criminal stuffs he may have done, he was never a cheapskate though. He had every chance to take back Kakashi’s Sharingan to activate his own Susanoo. But he never even thought of such an idea. He was a bad guy. But a good friend, no matter what.

Pure Baby!!! But lost his way!!!

Best Moments:

Importance of Team Work (’In the ninja world, Those who break the rules are scum. But those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum’. This very legacy he left to Kakashi came to defeat him later. And Naruto follows this motto even today)

Sacrificing his Sharingan (’I am giving you my Sharingan. No matter what the villagers say, you are a great Jonin. Please take it’. Awww!!! Obito. He left his Sharingan which helped Kakashi to complete a jutsu called ‘Chidori’, which is a go-to jutsu of Sasuke)

Thanks for the ask, anon. I thoroughly enjoyed writing this. ❤️

#ask #itachi #itachi uchiha #sasuke #sasuke uchiha #naruto #naruto uzumaki #hashirama #tobirama #hashirama senju #tobirama senju #madara uchiha #madara #killer bee #kakashi #jiraiya #tsunade #obito #obito uchiha

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let-them-read-fics · 3 years

Text

Ghostin'

Requested By @heyziggy: "Song prompt -- 'Ghostin' by Ariana Grande. Reader is dating Rosé and misses her lost lover."

Pairing: Rosé x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 3,676

Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Death, Crying, Some Cursing, Some Fluff, Happy Ending

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Did I write this between the hours of 1 and 8am? Yes, yes I did. Inspiration struck and I was able to crank this one out pretty quickly for you! I'm happy with it, and I really hope you guys enjoy it. Let me know what you think :)

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

There they are again. Those eyes that have haunted you for the past year, turning what little progress you've made to dust within a second. People say time heals all wounds, and yet that's never felt further from the truth than it does right now.

A rough tremble wracks through your body as you toss and turn, your limbs reaching out for someone that'll never be there again. She's calling out to you, her arms outstretched as she waits in vain. Your feet are rooted in their spot and no amount of effort possible can make them budge. Tears roll endlessly down your cheeks, a steady stream that feels all too real in the moment. As you scream out her name, you faintly hear your own being called; it's distant, but accompanied by a strong grip on your shoulders.

"...Y/N."

Upon jolting awake, your eyes open to find Rosé hovering over you, propping herself up on her elbow. A thin sheet of sweat has formed on your skin, and you attempt to ground yourself by looking up at her. Slowly but surely, her features overtake the ones still burning in your mind from the dream and you're able to breathe again. She brings a hand up to your cheek, brushing her cool fingers against it lovingly.

Despite the darkness, you can see the bags underneath her beautiful eyes. "I'm sorry, baby."

She simply shakes her head in response, whispering, "Shhh, it's okay. I'm here to take care of you."

In one motion, you pull her into your arms and bury your face in her neck. This isn't the first time this has happened, and you curse yourself for forcing her to grow accustomed to it. She tries to disguise how much it affects her too, but her efforts are always futile; you can read her like a book, knowing that every time that name falls from your lips in a hushed shout, her heart breaks a little more. She doesn't blame you for a second, but neither of you can deny the strain it puts on your relationship.

She adjusts the two of you so that you're laying against her as she soothingly rubs your back. Sweet words of affirmation are whispered into your ear, and the tears you've been holding back soon begin to fall. Some drop from her eyes as well, but she takes comfort in the fact that you're in her arms, allowing her to hold you. Most of the time you push her away, leaving yourself to suffer alone in some cruel form of self-punishment. But now, if only for tonight, you let yourself sink into her warm embrace.

----

1 Week Later -- The Anniversary

12 months ago, today. That's when your world shattered for the first time and everything fell apart. Your heart had been free of such pain until that fateful day, innocent and unaware that sadness like that even existed. That was the first time you ever truly questioned a higher power, baffled that any 'benevolent ruler' could steal such a bright light away from the world. Your first love -- the girl you once imagined spending forever with -- was killed in a hit and run, left to die alone on the pavement.

A majority of your youth belonged to her: the two of you grew up together, slowly falling until you had enough courage to make her yours. Countless memories were made, back when you had no idea how much they'd mean to you in the future. Life was fun with her: she made the mundane things interesting, and the adventures unforgettable. She was unashamedly herself, never stopping for a moment to give a damn about what anybody else thought of her. The two of you had each other, and that's all that really mattered. She was everything to you.

She was.

You still find her in the little things. Whether it be a commercial for her favorite cereal, a bottle of her signature perfume catching your eye as you shop, or even just a flash of her favorite color, you swear that she's still around. After spending so many years with her, it's nearly impossible to imagine her gone. She was so full of life and enthusiasm when her presence still graced the Earth that the thought of her being faded, that twinkle in her eye forever extinguished, seems like an insult to her legacy.

How are you supposed to move on from something like that? Rosé has been one of the only things keeping your head above water ever since she walked into your life, but a limit exists to what even she is capable of. After getting absolutely no closure, not even being able to see the perpetrator brought to justice, you're left to pick up the pieces. You've always been the type to deal with things on your own, finding it selfish to bring your loved ones down with the weight of your pain, but even you have to draw the line somewhere.

Perhaps that dream had been a sign -- some type of cosmic warning for what was soon to come -- because that line was crossed today.

Her family requested for you to return to your home town and celebrate her life with them. The invitation was extended to everyone she had touched before her life was taken, and even those who wished to show their support despite not having the privilege of knowing her personally. You agreed, and spent the day surrounded by people just as sad as you.

It was strange, at first; being back in the place you had so desperately tried to run from to escape the reality of what happened. But seeing all of them again reopened wounds that had never really gotten the chance to heal in the first place. Her parents' faces, so tired and troubled beneath the mask they attempted to put on, struck a chord within you. Her brother tried to be strong for them, you could tell -- but upon hearing his stifled sobs coming from upstairs, you could see how much it all still affected him. Your old friends were there as well, and their stories of your shared escapades only broke your heart more. It was a physical pain now, the once dull pinch giving way to a full blown ache. As you walked around her house, replaying all of your experiences with her, you felt empty again.

She meant so much to everyone she ever uttered a word to, and yet she was gone in the blink of an eye. You'd think that someone as incredible as her would get some sort of divine protection, if you will -- a blanket of defense against such a cruel fate. But life works in ways we don't understand, and we have to find a way to deal with that. You'd hoped returning here would help you on that quest, but you've come to learn that no one really has access to that elusive answer.

Though the day brought on the reunion of so many of you, it ended just as it had started: none of you any closer to closure. It would take time, no doubt, but you wished more than anything that the road to peace was a little shorter.

-----

Rosé

Sweet, incredible Rosé. She waltzed into your life two months after the incident. A breath of fresh air in every way, she brought light back into your life. She refused to stand by and watch as you slowly destroyed yourself, letting the walls crash down around you. She made everything secure again, successfully keeping you sane and grounded.

Falling in love with her was never something you saw coming. The emotions took their time in building up, every considerate thing she did for you adding to your list of reasons for loving her. It all accumulated until you couldn't hide it anymore, and even she could tell that she was getting through to you. Your fragile heart seemed to forget about its brokenness, because it soared at the mere sight of her.

The day she asked you to be her girlfriend was an emotional one, to say the least. You accepted without hesitation, but a nagging voice in the back of your mind suggested that being with Rosie was a treasonous act. Trying to move on felt wrong; your confused heart sent mixed signals, thinking it possible to wait for your ex's return.

But Rosie dealt with it perfectly -- better than you could have ever wished for. Not one time did she try to take your ex's place; she always respected your process and boundaries, and she never drew comparisons between your relationships. Rosé knew from the get-go that times would get rough, but she never shied away. Arguments happened, as they do with any couple, but she watched her tone and always took time to think before she spoke.

Constantly, she worked to get you to let her in. Sometimes -- rarely -- she succeeded. On the nights that you found yourself crying over her again, your heart aching like usual, Rosie was always next to you in an instant. She hated seeing you so distant and hard on yourself, and she vowed from the beginning that she would be a positive influence in your life.

------

The Birthday

2 weeks ago, Rosé had requested today off in order to be by your side. Your ex's birthday is today, and Rosé knows you'll need her more than you're willing to admit.

"Baby, wake up. Let's get some breakfast."

She rolls over to wake you with a kiss, only to find you already sitting up with tears in your eyes. She reaches up to wipe them away, but you dodge her hand before she can. That's what she can't stand. Having you push her away, effectively keeping her at arm's length, hurts her so much more than you know.

Although she's talented at reading you, truth be told Rosé has absolutely no idea how today will go. You've yet to experience a day like today -- your ex's birthday -- without her here, and even you don't know what'll happen. Your mood is capable of changing in a whipstitch, so you'll have to see how the day plays out.

"Y/N, please." Her eyes are pleading as you look at her again, and they rake over your sad features. Your bottom lip trembles as more tears threaten to overflow, and you sink your teeth into it to quiet yourself. Wordlessly, you do as she asks: you press your forehead against hers and let out a broken sigh as she strokes your arm. Her touch is comforting beyond belief, and you can't help but feel like you don't deserve it. Constantly putting her through the same shit makes you feel like a terrible person.

"You're too good to me."

She goes to shush you like always, but you don't drop it this time.

You gently scoot away from her, meeting her eyes as she mimics your actions and raises her head.

"I can see that it gets to you, Rose. I hate myself for hurting you… I just keep letting you down."

She's prepared to ease your fears from the start, not willing to get into an argument right now. "Stop, okay? I knew what I was signing up for when we started dating. I'm a big girl, Y/N. I can decide when I want to stay and when I want to go. I knew from the beginning that we would have these struggles, and none of it has made me change my mind about you."

Her words make your heart flutter, but you still have plenty on your mind to discuss with her.

"You deserve someone without so much baggage. I can't pretend like I'm not still affected by it."

"When have I ever asked you to do that?" She cocks her head to the side, quirking an eyebrow as she waits for you to respond.

"You don't have to, babe. Seeing what it does to you is confirmation enough." You shrug lightly, allowing your eyes to break away from hers for a moment as you gather up what other words you want to say.

"You'll never admit it, not to the full extent, anyway, but I know I'm hurting you. That's the last thing I want; you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy."

"Jagi, do you really think our relationship makes me unhappy? I'll admit that this isn't always easy, but no relationship is, and never once have I even thought of leaving. You seem to forget about yourself in all of this; your happiness is just as important as mine."

She chooses to ignore the self-deprecating scoff you let out at her last sentence, opting to just continue with her train of thought; convincing you to value yourself is a battle for another day.

"So please, let me in. I want us to get through this."

"I do too, baby. So so much. I just can't help but think you could find someone better. I'm a fucking charity case at this point." You drop your head now, avoiding eye contact at all costs. You know she'll be upset with you for thinking so lowly of yourself, but her disappointment almost certainly pales in comparison to the contempt you hold for yourself.

With a heavy, tired sigh, Rosé hooks two fingers underneath your chin and gently lifts your head. "Y/N, look at me. I don't know how to make it any clearer to you: you are the person I want to be with. I want you in my future, and in order to make that happen I'm more than willing to help you deal with your past. I know it's not simple; I know it's never going to be easy; but I want you. All the strings attached."

You blink at the sincerity behind her words, a bit taken aback that she's so steadfast in her decision to stay with you. You've spent so much time convincing yourself that she's only with you because she feels sorry for you that you were blind to the true extent of her love. It's consistent and unwavering, and you've never felt more valued than when you're with her. To her, you never were nor will you ever be a charity case; she loves you because you're imperfect; because you need her just as much as she needs you.

"Okay."

The simple word from you is more than enough to put Rosie at ease, and she doesn't even try to stop the smile that spreads across her cheeks as you pull her into your lap for a hug.

A light squeak from the bedsprings serves as the only sound in your room as you silently hold one another. She knows that 'okay' was your way of telling her you're ready to let her in.

"I love you." You whisper against her neck, allowing your lips to brush against her soft skin. Both of your collars are wet with tears following the emotional moment you just had, but neither of you care.

"I love you, too, baby." She returns, pressing a kiss to your temple.

After spending a moment just holding one another, communicating your emotions through light touches and kisses, you lift up onto your knees and lay her back onto the bed. She cups your cheeks, loving how they feel beneath her fingertips as you stare into her eyes. Your hands sit on either side of her torso to hold you up, keeping you in place as you smile down at her. Intimate moments like these hold a special place in her heart, and she can never get enough of them.

"I'm so afraid of losing you, Rosie. God, you have no idea how much the thought of it terrifies me." You shut your eyes now, willing away the images of a life without her.

For some reason she had never really considered that to be a cause for your unreachability before. Looking back now, it makes perfect sense; losing someone so close to you in such an unexpected way can definitely make you afraid of getting close to people again. What if you lose them, too?

"I can't predict the future, my love, but I can promise you that I'll spend the rest of my days on this Earth next to you. And I'll find you in whatever comes after, too; you're not getting away from me that easy."

The last sentence is playful, and you smirk at her lightheartedness. She knows just what to say to lighten the mood.

"You're the greatest." You say, leaning down to capture her full lips in a meaningful kiss. She hums into it, pulling you flush against her body as she flips you over.

"Oh really?" She teases, pressing feather-light kisses to your jaw. She can feel your heartbeat pick up, and she grins cockily at the effect she has on you.

"M-mhm." You mutter out with a slight stutter, tracing your hands down her body before letting them rest on her hips.

"Why don't you show me, then?" She's straddling you now, and she pulls away from your neck to gaze down into your darkening eyes.

Soon the room is filled with a high pitched squeal as you pounce, pushing her backwards until her back hits the mattress again.

"As you wish, princess." You say, giving her a little salute before kissing her again.

She smiles against your lips and lets out a joyous giggle at your antics.

-------

The Second Anniversary

"Are you ready, baby?" She asks, turning to look at you and gauge your reaction.

You let out a jagged breath, the air leaving your lungs a bit unevenly as you try to steady yourself.

With a nod, you exit the car and walk around to open Rosie's door. "Such a gentlewoman." She says, garnering a genuine smile from you. Her playful tone calms you, and you peck her lips in a sweet kiss.

"Come on, let's go inside."

At your words, she slips her hand into yours and the two of you begin your journey towards the house.

The rest of the day goes by better than you had ever imagined possible: Rosé joined conversations easily, and she offered plenty of comfort to everyone in need of it. Her presence is enough to lessen anyone's pain, but she truly showed her skills today.

Towards the end of the celebration, your ex's parents pulled you away from everyone else and into the hallway for a private word.

"We want you to come visit her, with us."

Your first instinct is to adamantly refuse, but the looks on their faces are enough to give you pause. No amount of time can make up for the loss they've had to endure, and you know they wouldn't have asked unless they really needed you there.

"Okay, we'll be there."

They pull you in for a hug, and Rosé tears up at the emotional moment. She sends you an understanding look once you eventually meet her gaze from across the room, and you give her a sad smile in return.

----

The Visit

"Hey, baby; it's us again. Everybody came by earlier and it was so nice."

"You would've loved it, baby girl. We all miss you so much."

They hold each other close as they take turns speaking to her, their voices a little stronger than you remember them being last year. Slowly but surely, they're learning to adjust to life without their daughter.

You turn your head to the side, burying your face in Rosé's hair to distract yourself from the sadness creeping in. You hadn't come back to the cemetery since her funeral, so even just standing there causes the memories to come flooding back. Rosie's grip on you is strong, and you thank her for that; without her you'd surely be a wreck by now.

A few minutes later, her parents step to the side and look over to you in a wordless request for you to say something.

"Hey, champ." You crouch down next to her tombstone, missing the way her parents smile at the old nickname you used to call each other.

"It's me. I hope you're happy up there… you deserve to be. You'd better save us some good seats." You tease, reaching up to dust some dirt off of the sleek surface of stone. The material is beginning to become rougher, you note to yourself.

"Thank you for taking such good care of Y/N. I owe you the world." Rosie smiles bittersweetly, resting her hand on your shoulder as she looks down at the picture on the tombstone.

Something -- some unmistakable force, a gut feeling -- tells you to look up. You listen to it, slowly raising your head until you can see the expanse of the cemetery in front of you. The evening sun is giving way to a breathtaking sunset, and the remaining golden rays filter in through the leaves of the tall trees overhead. A flash of brown hair catches your eye, and you almost gasp at what you see.

There she is.

Your ex -- well, more specifically, the ghost of her -- stands amidst the tree line that borders the property. She raises a hand up to wave at you, offering a peaceful smile as she glances between Rosie and you. You smile your own lopsided grin at her, and soon after, she fades away completely.

Inconspicuously, you look up at her parents. They have a knowing look on their face as you stand up and loop an arm around Rosé's waist, pulling her in close to rest your forehead against hers. She kisses your cheek before using her finger to poke the soft surface adorably.

"Ya know," her father starts, pulling your attention away from your girlfriend.

"She visits us too, sometimes." He finishes with a smile.

A content feeling settles within your chest at his words, and you let out a soft sigh.

She always was a sucker for happy endings.

267 notes · View notes

interact-if · 3 years

Photo

Day 8 of the interviews! The talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular Pol, everyone!

Pol, author of All Paths Lead to the Underground

Pride Month Featured Author

Welcome to Deadline, the city of the lost ones. Here, in the near dystopian future, there’re only two ways to survive: engage in something illegal or pretend that you don’t notice anything that’s happening around you. Too bad that the latter one isn’t that easy in a place like this, where you need to be on guard every other minute in order to get through the day and not catch a bullet. Trying to live like normal people do wasn’t ever an option for you anyway, whether you like it or not.

And now you’re a mercenary who works side-by-side with a group of poor souls who are also unfortunate enough to be stuck in the same position. But there’s a problem, of course, because you’re not entirely human yourself, and it’s the fact that constantly puts your companions in danger whenever they’re with you. Not only this, you also have some other unpleasant things to take care of, but let’s deal with it a little bit later. The consequences of the things you’ve done, or were forced to, are hot on your heels and are threatening to crush you at any moment. You’re pretty certain that your strength, that goes far beyond the limits of human abilities, can help you withstand everything that’s coming for you. But it’s not always about strength and power, is it? The beast inside of you is trying to take over, and day by day it becomes more persistent.

Can you stand against it and retain your sanity, or will you succumb to the madness like many others? Lose yourself in the icy embrace of the darkness, or fight it until your last breath?

Well, the choice is yours only.

Be careful and remember, all paths lead to the Underground.

Demo: TBA

Tags: 18+, dystopian

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT!)

Q1: Tell us a little bit about your project(s)!

The Paths is a story that’s set in a dystopian city of the near future, where mafia and banditry rules instead of the government and secret organizations conduct disturbing human experiments. It’s a story about people who’re trying to survive by doing not very honorable and humane things which put their lives in danger. It’s about people who live in a cruel place, try not to become cruel themselves, and whose paths inevitably cross under different circumstances, leading all of them to the one destination nonetheless.

In this story, you play as a mercenary, and more specifically - a genetically modified human, who’s desperately trying to run away from their past. You’re faced with countless obstacles along your way, and things are heating up progressively. Fortunately, you have a few people on your side to help you deal with that, even if some of them don’t really intend to in the first place.

But hey, we’re in for an exciting ride! Five people, including you, and one task for all: save the city, or maybe the whole world, who knows? There’s a war coming, so buckle up!

Q2: Why interactive fiction? What drew you to the medium?

Honestly, I don’t have an interesting story to tell you about that particular decision. I think I discovered IF around three years ago from my friend, but at that time The Paths was nothing more than just a story with no particular plot floating around in my head, and I didn’t really have any intentions on making it something that it’s now. But I guess that discovering IF had a huge impact on me after all, and made me think about actually creating something interesting and bringing all these stories I made up to use.

Plus, creating IF seemed much more intriguing and fascinating to me than just writing a book! What can I say; reading all the stories by really amazing authors left a great impression on me. But honestly, when I started working on my WIP I didn’t have the slightest idea about what I’m going to do, I just told myself that I’ll figure everything out as I go, so it was kind of an impulsive decision which is not really typical of me. But we’re here now, and I’m pretty glad that I made this decision, after all.

Q3: Are your characters influenced by your identity? How?

I’d say yes and no, because I certainly put some pieces of myself into almost every character I write, that’s an inevitable occurrence in writing for me, but I don’t think that my identity really influenced character creation in one way or another. Or maybe it did and it’s just not quite obvious to me, really. I mean, I have a character who’s canonically trans and is Armenian, and the other one is a Slavic non-binary person who’s attracted to women (hence the influence), and that’s about it.

Even though The Paths isn’t really focused on the relationships and romance, I think that my experience helps me to write more diverse characters and their interpersonal relationships, as well as making the RO’s romanceable by people of any gender and regardless of their preferences. Not going to lie, some character backstories are also influenced by my own life experience and some struggles I had to face, but I’ve to keep quiet about those for now.

Q4: What or who are some of your biggest inspirations?

I don’t really have any inspirations among celebrities, so I’d say that my biggest inspirations are ordinary people from my daily life, be they my friends or acquaintances, or just strangers that I see every day, and their life experiences. To be honest, one of my main characters was totally inspired by one of my close friends!

Q5: What’s a super vague spoiler for your current project?

I can give you a small advice – try to not go berserk unless you absolutely must, because it’ll have a lot of grave consequences and will most certainly end badly for your loved ones and for many other people in general. And oh, don’t trust your “family”, that’s also an important one. Even if you see a familiar face, it doesn't mean that they’re not going to stab you the moment you turn away.

Q6: Lastly, what advice would you give to your readers?

Do what you love and not what you think you should love because somebody told you so. Write stories you want to read, create what you want to, do what you love! Even if it takes a lot of time, it’s worth it if it makes you happy. And always prioritize your own comfort, because you are the most important person in your life <3

#if: events #Pride Month 2021 #pride month #queer authors #queer creators #queer fiction #interactive fiction

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 3 years

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The Logical Epilogue

Epilogue to The Logical Progression

Pairing: Nathan Bateman x Reader Rating: Mature Warnings: Cursing; sexual innuendo; Nathan being Nathan Notes: Honestly was kinda stunned that so many people asked for an epilogue 🥺 Sorry it took so long! Just as a note, the painter mentioned in this piece is entirely fictional Summary: At first, it was exciting.

Berlin worked.

Berlin worked for a while.

You settled into your new position, your new office. Your new boss, Mark’s replacement, was out in California, and the time difference was a little bit of a bitch, but you made it work.

You made it work for a while.

You saw Nathan most weekends, at first. Most, because he got consumed with his work so often, and so did you, sometimes. Truth be told, you couldn’t always take the time out of your schedule to take the two hour flight from Berlin to Oslo, and then the hour long helicopter ride from the airport to the drop zone near the estate, and then the forty five minute hike from the drop zone to Nathan’s house.

At first, you did.

At first, it was exciting. At first you were optimistic, and in love, and brimming with hope because this was a compromise—and sure, it wasn’t something that the two of you had come up with together; it had been your idea, but he had said yes. Yes to your idea, yes to Berlin, yes to your new title – in his company. You had carved out your own place in his company, gotten to where you were by your own merits. You were happy. He was happy.

It worked at first.

After the first few months, though, the bloom was off the rose.

It started with the travel.

Four hours was a lot one way – and that was four hours if everything was running on time and the weather permitted. It was eight hours all told, round trip. Eight hours every weekend, back and forth, was a bit much. So after a few months, every weekend became every other weekend – and it was still a lot. Of course, any time you mentioned that to Nathan, he was unapologetic at best.

“If you’d just moved in with me like I’d planned, you wouldn’t be tired.”

The first couple of times, you’d laughed. The fifteenth time, it wasn’t so funny anymore. You finally stopped mentioning it to him.

Then, it was the work.

It took you four hours to get to his house. Four. Three flying and an hour of a hike – sometimes through the snow. Silly you, you’d thought the man might stop for more than a kiss and a, “Hey, honey,” when you got there.

At first, the two of you were fucking like rabbits. And then your visits became more infrequent, and even when you were there, Nathan was sometimes too locked in to whatever it was that he was doing to give you the time of day, so much so that you felt like his damn Jackson Pollack: you were around to be looked at occasionally, contemplated, and then left to your own devices.

You’d made the mistake of mentioning that to him, too.

“I’d have more time for you if you were here, honey.”

That had started as a tease, too, but you knew Nathan. Every little joke and jab had a thin layer of saccharine shielding the spike he really wanted to stick you with.

And it stuck.

It didn’t help that your work had felt stagnant since you’d moved. Blue Book was still flourishing; your performance reviews were all positive; the Berlin office was thriving, but… But ever since you moved, you just felt so disconnected.

“You’re not coming this weekend?”

Nathan’s voice didn’t manage to lose any of its petulance despite how tinny it sounded through your headphones.

“I can’t, we’re going through tissue sessions for the pitch on Monday,” You told him.

“I haven’t seen you in, like, a month.”

“Oh, you noticed that?” There was a pause on Nathan’s end before he dryly asked, “You driving at something, sweetheart?” “Look Nate, I’ve got work to do,” You retorted, “I’ll call you later and try to make it out next weekend, alright?” Nathan let out a scoffed laugh and hung up. No ‘goodbye’, no ‘sure’, no ‘noon will be fine’. Looking back, that should’ve been a warning. With Nathan, there wouldn’t be a goodbye. There would be a drift. The time between your trips to see him became longer and longer, and your countenance in one another’s company became more and more icy, more static. The trips stopped, the calls stopped, and then a box with the things that you left at Nathan’s place showed up at your door. No note, no letter from him, nothing. His Maya console was right at the bottom. He’d finally ripped it out of the fuckin’ wall. Mommy and Daddy had broken up and you got full custody. --

The decision to leave Blue Book wasn’t a result of the break up. You’d had other job offers before - Nathan knew that-- No. No, you told yourself to take Nathan out of the equation as you handwrote your resignation letter. Handwrote, because you were still under NDA, and you didn’t want the drafts of this to be caught in one of the regular data audits that Blue Book did.

You weren’t leaving to join Google, Apple, or IBM, or any of the other companies that had offered you positions with them over the years. One of the reasons that you had moved up in Blue Book as quickly as you had was your ability to look at a product release and translate the jargon-heavy language into something the average person could understand. You’d done it for a few friends in the tech industry on the side now and again, when they were getting started with their own companies. And as much as you liked Blue Book, you liked the idea of being your own boss more. -- Your last night at Blue Book was no less than a fiasco - you’d been there a long time, so they made an effort, a fuss. They threw a party at a swanky art gallery in Berlin. People had come up to you all evening, asked you what your plans were, if you were excited, what you would miss. You’d told them - you were going to become a freelance writer, focus on technical writing. You already had a number of jobs lined up. You were incredibly excited, but a little nervous. Blue Book had been one big cyber safety net. You’d be alone.

“You hear Bateman was here?” It was a whisper behind you - from one member of the sales team to another, but loud enough for you to hear, loud enough to distract you from the conversation that you’d been in the middle of. There was no way. You hadn’t heard from the man in months - four of them, if you were going to be precise. There was no way he would turn up at your going away party - to do what? Make a fucking splash? All eyes on him? You wondered exactly how much shit you’d get for leaving your own party. You heard the ping of Blue Book’s messaging system on your phone and you pulled it out of your pocket, going cold when you saw the message. N. Bateman: Ferrar room.

No. No, you wouldn’t let him do this. This motherfucker wouldn’t get the chance to just swan back in and sweep you back off of your fucking feet after he was such a shit. -- “So you haven’t plugged Maya in yet.” “...Well between my phone, laptop and the NDA, I’ve kinda already got enough of your spyware in my apartment.”

Nathan chuckled, still wandering around the little back room of the gallery. You’d had to ask an attendant where the Ferrar room even was - but it was full of some of the most vibrant work you’d ever seen. So maybe, for that reason, you’d briefly forgiven Nathan for not even turning to look at you since you’d walked in. And yeah, it had stung, but considering everything that had happened and-- and not happened -- considering the things that the two of you had never said and the fights that you’d never had, and the compromises that he’d never made and every single compromise that you had made, it was no wonder that the man didn’t bother to turn and look at you when there was canvas after canvas after canvas of life in vivid color all around him. “Armel Ferrar,” Nathan said, “French painter, born in Peillon in 1868. Moved to Paris in 1885. Heavily influenced by Seurat and Cézanne -- more Cézanne than Seurat. You can see it in the color use, but… the way he plays with light, that’s all Seurat.” You weren’t looking at the painting that Nathan was looking at. Hell, you weren’t even looking at the paintings. You were just looking at him - at the back of his fucking head. At the back of his fucking head, and the slight tapering that you could see of his beard; at the way his shoulders sloped, and where his hands were tucked into his pockets. Your eyes drifted up his back again, over his neck, his head. The painting he was looking at, whatever painting it was, had bursts of yellow - wheat, maybe, or stars, or the sun, it was difficult for you to tell at that distance. From where you stood, it was as though the man was haloed and framed. Bright and shining and on display, this man that liked to keep to himself and spent his days underground in his office. “Stayed in Paris, too--” He was still talking, of course he was still talking, “Most of his life, or what was left of it. Never married, had one kid outta wedlock… Died in 1891, same year as Seurat. His daughter, Marie-Thérèse, married a military man that moved her to Berlin after the second World War. She brought his paintings with her, that’s how they wound up here.”

Nathan went quiet for a few moments before, “What do you think?” “...I’m wondering why you had me come back here when you very well could’ve given that TED talk to an empty room. Or better yet to any one of the people out there that are utterly fascinated with you. Either would suit, considering how much you love your own voice.” You had already turned yourself to look at a painting, made yourself distracted by the time you answered, because you’d known that that would get a look from him. You were right, too; you saw him turn to look at you out of your periphery. “Can we skip this part?” That bored tone was back. You dug your nails into the palms of your hands, letting your eyes hone in on the vivid splashes of red on the painting in front of you - petunias. “Which part would that be?” You asked. “The part where you tell me what I did wrong and I pretend that you’re right so that I can say sorry and we can get back to what we were doing.”

You laughed. You actually laughed. Not a fake one, not a haughty one, but a real peal of laughter left you in shock. “Wow,” You sighed once it had passed, “I forgot what a dick you are, you know that? I actually kinda managed to forget.” “Look--” “No,” You turned to face him, holding a hand up to stop whatever he was about to say, “If you came to fake some sincere bullshit, or to tell me that everything would’ve worked if we had done things your way--” “They would’ve--” “Shut the fuck up, Bateman,” You snapped, “You don’t know that, alright? You don’t. I don’t care if you have it in your head that it would’ve all been perfect because you said so.”

“You really think my way would’ve been worse?” “Well, we’ll never know,” You shrugged, folding your arms over your chest. Nathan was quiet for a single, blessed moment. Then-- “Why are you leaving Blue Book?” “I don’t wanna sound egotistical here, but I kinda refuse to believe that you didn’t read my resignation letter.” “I did.” “Then you know the answer.” “Were those the only reasons?” You looked over his face for a few moments. “... It wasn’t you,” You shook your head, “I don’t know if you wanted it to be, or didn’t, but it wasn’t you.” “Why the fuck would I want it to be?” “Because you think the universe revolves around your beard.”

He seemed to fight a smile for a moment, and your stomach twisted. You’d seen that look - the way he had to work to pull down the corners of his mouth - in the first video he’d ever sent you, yelling at Maya to remove you as an admin. Maya, which was still sitting in a box in your apartment, because you couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of the damn console. You didn’t want to plug it in, but you couldn’t just fucking throw it out. “...So, this new job,” He approached you slowly, and you were careful to hold your ground - not just because backing or turning away felt like weakness, but because stepping backward would mean knocking into the work of a French artist whose life sounded pretty fucking tragic. “Yes?” “You staying in Berlin?” You were quiet for a few moments before you shook your head. “I don’t know. I can do it from anywhere, so I haven’t really decided what my next move is going to be.” “Anywhere?” Nathan repeated. “Whatever you’re thinking, un-think it.” “Can’t unscramble an egg, honey.” “Don’t.” “Don’t what?” “Bateman, I’m serious. You think I’m just gonna crawl back to you?” “Who the fuck is doing the crawling? I’m here!” He snapped. “Oh, look. Nathan did one thing,” You cooed mockingly, “Nathan put on something other than sweatpants and left his estate--” “It’s a four hour trip--” “Oh, you cannot fucking tell me about the travel, Bateman, don’t you dare. I did that for months and you acted like it was nothing, you acted like I was nothing!”

And then Nathan stopped. Nathan stopped and lowered his chin to his chest for a moment. “You’re not,” He spoke softly - so softly you almost didn’t hear, “You’re not-- You know that. That's your insecurities talking--” “Knowing and feeling are two different things. I’m not a console, I don’t run an OS, I can’t just go in and fix the buggy code that tells me differently,” You had to work to keep your voice steady and get the words out, “What you just did once to get here? I did that for months, Bateman. And that’s after I pulled my whole life up and moved to a new country. That trip, two days a week, every week, and half the time I was there, you acted like I wasn’t. I may as well have not been, so I stopped going.” “You could’ve talked to me.” “...You know what, I’m not even going near that one, because I really don’t want to yell in here,” You managed through gritted teeth, eyes diverted to another painting. Nathan lifted his head then, looking you over before he stepped forward, muttering, “Stop that.” “What?” “That.” He reached out, taking hold of your hands from where they were crossed under your arms. He ‘tsk’ed softly as he uncrossed your arms and unfolded your hands, running his thumbs over the small half-moon dents that your nails had left in your palms. “... Alright, maybe gatecrashing wasn’t my best idea,” He glanced toward the door to the room before his eyes scanned your face. “I don’t think it even breaks your top five.” “Would you care to list that top five now?” “I would not, at the risk of puffing up your beard.” You heard him chuckle, felt his thumbs continue to smooth over your palms. “...You remember that first Rise of AI, when I told you why I’d pulled you up on stage to give that presentation?” He asked. You frowned, turning to look at him again. He was watching you closely over the top of his glasses, eyes knowing and dark. “You wanted to see what I'd do if you threw me in the deep end.” He nodded. “That was Blue Book, something we both knew. This…” He wrapped his hands around your, gave them a gentle squeeze, “This is new for the both of us. We jumped into the deep end and uh…Starting in the kiddy pool might’ve been better.” “Did Nathan Bateman just admit defeat?” “No. No,” His gaze went stern, then, “Because kiddy pool or not, you’re still in the fuckin’ water.” You looked down at where his hands were holding yours still. “I want to try again,” Nathan crowded closer to you, “And I know-- I know that I am an asshole and that I fucked up, and you know what, I’m probably going to fuck up again,” He raised one hand to cup your chin, raising your head to meet his eyes, “But I wanna give it another shot. I just… I just need to know if that’s even an option here.” When the box of your things had arrived at your place, you’d told yourself that it wasn’t. You’d told yourself that Nathan was an asshole, and a shitstain, and a dickwad, and a douchecanoe, and a host of other derogatory names that you’d dreamt up in your most frustrated moments. Because, yeah, he could be those things. But that didn’t change the fact that you still had feelings for him. It didn’t change the fact that you’d made mistakes in that relationship, too. “So?” He prompted you as you looked at one another, “How do you think we’d do in the kiddy pool?” You gave him a small smile and murmured, “Swimmingly.” The force of Nathan’s kiss nearly knocked you off of your feet - your head would’ve hit a Ferrar if his hand hadn’t come up to cup the back and cushion it. (The gallery owner saw the two of you and was horrified.) (But Nathan bought that painting and like five others, so they got over it.)

Tag list: @spider-starry ; @mylittlelonelyappreciation ; @grogu-pascal ; @blueeyesatnight ; @kid-from-new-zealand ; @revolution-starter ; @kindablackenedsuperhero

#The Logical Progression #The Logical Epilogue #Nathan Bateman #Nathan Bateman x Reader #Nathan Bateman x You #Nathan Bateman/Reader #Nathan Bateman/You #Titled that way because i'm an asshole and it's what nathan would've wanted

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cogentranting · 3 years

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Sharon acted as sort of the voice of Sam’s disillusionment in this episode. Or maybe as one end of the spectrum of disillusionment and belief that Sam is struggling on. She’s the voice in Sam’s ear saying “it’s all a lie, it’s all fake, don’t believe in any of it, just look out for yourself. The hero thing is garbage.” (and for the record, I totally get why that’s where she’s at right now. I don’t blame her but it’s also clear that she’s very bitter at the moment).

Sam’s certainly not as far down that spectrum as Sharon is, but she manages to pull him that way, if not by what she says than by her situation, the way she got screwed over. And he has plenty of reason for that same disillusionment and bitterness. A lot of Sam’s role in this episode was also as an observer. Not that he was a passive character, but his character arc for the episode mainly had him watching-- seeing the inner workings of Zemo, seeing Sharon’s new mercenary lifestyle, seeing the criminal underworld, seeing Bucky’s role in all that, seeing people do things that are shady at best terrible at worst because they feel those things are necessary. It’s not that Sam is naïve but he’s never been IN that world before and with the way his perspective is shifting because of the way he’s being shoved aside and rejected in his life, hearing Isaiah’s story, and seeing how someone like Sharon who was heroic gets abandoned to this life (or even how Bucky was-- this episode paints a pretty clear trajectory of the Howling Commando, Cap’s right hand being turned into a “pet psychopath” being traded around the criminal underworld) -- after all that Sam’s perspective has shifted and seeing this world is affecting him more than it might have at another point in his life. That’s why by the end of the episode we see a major change in Sam’s position. He suggests that instead of putting the Shield in the museum he should have destroyed it. And if we’re just talking about the Shield as an object that’s not a terrible idea (logistical issues aside)-- it’s just a piece of metal, and by destroying it he would have prevented, or at least made it more difficult, someone like Walker from coming in and using it as a status symbol. But the Shield in this show is never just an object. By placing the Shield in the museum, Sam took a position that Steve’s legacy, the things he stood for and fought for, were to be admired and looked to as an example, but that no one could/should take on that mantle to continue that. I don’t really have the space here to parse out all the ideological implications of that, or the myriad of reasons why Sam took the stance, but plenty of other people have and that’s not really my point. My point is that destroying the Shield is an entirely different stance. Destroying the Shield, indicates a loss of faith in the very things that the Shield stands for. It’s a statement that the legacy the Shield represents, the things Steve represented, stood for and fought for, are either ultimately hollow and worthless (as Sharon currently believes) or are something that is actively dangerous to believe in or preserve (as Zemo believes). Sam doesn’t fully believe either of these things. I think he made the comment about destroying the Shield as reaction to everything going on around him, sort of lashing out. In that moment, given the opportunity, I don’t think he would have gone through with it. But he’s on the edge of that point.

However, where we have Sharon and Zemo on one side of that Spectrum, in Sam’s ear, in this episode Bucky was on the other side of that spectrum. Bucky is the one still defending the need for someone to take up the Shield. And both Zemo and Sharon used him as an example of the idealism that they are so against-- Sharon when she says to Bucky “Please, you buy into all that stars and stripes crap. ... You were Mr. America! Cap’s best friend!” and Zemo when they’re on the plane and he talks about Bucky’s role in WWII. This is interesting because Bucky is being positioned as the balance against Zemo and Sharon’s cynicism, but Bucky isn’t normally what you’d think of as an optimistic character.

But Bucky is in that position in this debate. He even goes so far as to say that before Sam destroys it, he would take up the Shield himself. That’s an interesting position for Bucky to take because he hasn’t expressed any interest or even any thought of something like that before. He’s certainly not placing himself in front of Sam in his estimation of who deserves the Shield (just in front of Walker), and I think his ideal is still for Sam to take the Shield. I’m might even go so far to say that Bucky views taking on the Shield himself as a last resort-- he doesn’t want it but he believes so strongly in the need for someone to uphold that legacy that he would do it himself if it meant keeping it going and keeping it out of the hands of someone like Walker. Bucky isn’t good at expressing what that Shield means to him but it means a lot.

I think that the reason why Bucky believes in the Shield and its importance more than anyone else is going to be central to why Sam eventually takes on the Shield, if Bucky can ever manage to actually express that reason. I know there will be arguments that the reason Bucky believes in it is because he doesn’t understand all the reasons that Sam (and somewhat Sharon) has to not believe in. He’s not a black man. He doesn’t experience that racism. And that’s true in part. He knows that the racism is there, but he has a lot he needs to learn about what that actually means for Sam. But I don’t think it’s some starry-eyed, rose-colored view of America that Bucky has faith in. Bucky’s own story is not free from the influence of the worst side of America. You could make an argument about the way that he’s treated as a veteran, or the way he was hunted in Civil War, or the way he’s controlled now. But at the most basic level, Bucky worked for Hydra for decades and saw the worst side of political machinations. And yes, Hydra is a separate thing because it is a fictional blatantly evil organization. But if we’re looking at the symbolic side of the Shield we have to look at the symbolic side of Hydra as well. The point of Winter Soldier was not “oh there are spies sneaking into the government to get us”, it was that the actual members were corrupt, that there was rot in the institutions. So when looking at the actual meaning behind Hydra, Bucky was both a victim of and an instrument of the very worst parts of the American government and institutions. So no, Bucky does not share or fully understand Sam’s experiences or the obstacles he faces. But it’s also not true that Bucky’s faith in the Shield is the result of naivety or ignorance.

The story of this show is going to focus on the ways that Sam and Bucky help each other grow. I think that the way that Bucky is going to help Sam is through his perspective on what the Shield means. In the First Avenger Bucky says that he’s not following Captain America, he’s following “The little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight”. And that ties into what the Shield actually means. It represents the ideals that Steve embodied. And I think where they’re headed is to a realignment of the view of the Shield. The mantle isn’t about Captain America representing the best of what America is. It’s not even about representing the best of what America could be. It’s not about representing or reflecting America at all. The Captain America mantle is an example for America (and anyone else)-- something for America to look at and reflect, not the other way around. By taking on the mantle, who ever Captain America is can embody these virtues (that Steve had, that Sam has) in a way that people can rally behind, and he can be someone who protects, and reflects, and gives hope to the individuals that are in America.

I’m not expressing it very well. But I think Bucky, by virtue of being there from the beginning, has some grasp of the distinction between the Shield as a symbol of nationalism or even patriotism, and the Shield as a a representation of something greater. Or even the distinction between the Shield as representation of America in its government and institutions, and the Shield as representation America as the individuals within it. We’re going to get to the core of what the legacy that Steve left actually is and the question of how does Sam take that on, and make it true to his own experience and make it worthwhile to become that. And I think Bucky has the faith in that legacy (and the faith in Sam) that is needed to begin that journey.

#tfatws #tfatws spoilers #sam wilson #bucky barnes #tfatws meta #cogent metas

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arvandus · 3 years

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The Todoroki Family Arc: Dabi and Representation for Abuse Victims

Something I’d like to address regarding all of this Todoroki family discourse is the importance of representation for abuse victims, specifically when it comes to the topic of forgiveness. Many of us who are victims of abuse aren’t willing to forgive our abusers, and there is nothing wrong with taking that stance. The concept of forgiveness of abuse is an especially hard pill to swallow when that forgiveness is for the sake of the abuser and not the victim (i.e., in this case, forgiveness for the sake of Enji’s redemption arc). So this makes the current Todoroki family/Endeavor redemption arc so incredibly difficult to read, as all of the ‘good’ Todorokis are either already willing to forgive (or on their way to forgiving) Enji's long-term, narcissistic abuse.

It’s true that in canon Enji has explicitly stated that he’s not asking for forgiveness and that his family members don’t have to forgive him. Whether or not he truly understands what that means is up for debate (I’ve got a lot to say on Enji’s redemption arc, but that’ll be for another post). But for the sake of this post, let’s state that he genuinely means it, which would be great as it shows an awareness on his part of how unforgivable his actions are. This great and all, except the words lose their weight/significance when every single ‘normal’ family member is on track to forgive him. It would hold much more weight to show he doesn’t get forgiven by everyone, which will require him to at least to some extent, live with the consequences of his actions (e.g., being alone/ostracized from some family members).

So, let’s go through the Todoroki family members who are in the process of forgiving, have already forgiven, or are on their way to forgiving Enji, and how I personally respond to their forgiveness. Of course, all of this will be heavily influenced by my personal opinions and personal experiences, however I think that’s fair – as a person who’s endured long-term childhood abuse from a parent, I’d hope that my opinions (and others like me) will have some weight in the conversation surrounding domestic violence, even within the context of fiction.

Rei:

Rei has shown signs of starting to forgive Endeavor as evidenced by defending him to her children.

I do appreciate that she states that she’s still too scared to see her husband, and that the doctor states it’s not a good idea. That all makes perfect sense. But the idea that she’s willing to give him a chance to redeem himself because he sends her flowers? I absolutely cannot identify with this in any which way. Her marriage was forced by Endeavor, her sole purpose to bear him cold/hot quirk children. She may have later grown to love him, who knows; we do know she was willing at least have Fuyumi with him, since she suggested it… (although there is a lot to unpack around that too, which I’ll also save for a different post). Even if she did love Enji (and a part of her may still love him, as some of us may feel towards our abusers) she went through YEARS of abuse to the point that she had a psychotic break and had to be institutionalized. To suggest that she’s willing to begin the road of forgiveness because he sends her flowers is just completely unrealistic, and I personally can’t identify with her at all (also, as a sidenote: if my abuser and the cause of my psychosis, who I’m too afraid to see, is sending me gifts, the last thing I would want would be to see those gifts displayed in my room as a constant reminder of them).

Fuyumi:

It’s clear that Fuyumi is well on her way to forgiving her father (if she hasn’t done so already).

Fuyumi wants nothing more than to piece her family back together, which is entirely fine if that’s what she wants. What bothers me however, is that she’s willing to do so by sweeping the family drama under the rug in an attempt at keeping the illusion of a healthy, loving family (i.e., one that’s not broken by abuse). Why can’t she have this happy family with her brothers and her mother? Why does she feel the need to have Enji in that family picture, considering all he’s done to them? Her whole “it would make your sister happy” is, in my opinion, guilt-tripping and selfish. I don’t think she’s a mean person, and she may not be aware that her behavior could be damaging. But her motivations are clearly self-focused, as she’s not willing to address her family’s issues in a way that validates everyone’s feelings. She just wants everyone to ‘play nice.’

It’s this dismissive behavior, a willingness to overlook the harm of the abuser for the sake of trying to keep a semblance of normalcy when things clearly aren’t normal, that has me label her as an abuse apologist. It’s not intended to be malicious of course; I do think she believes she means well. But how does ignoring the abuse her family endured help anyone? Will this ever get addressed by Horikoshi? TBH, I doubt it, but we’ll just have to wait and see. But one thing is for sure, she’s definitely the most forgiving out of all of her siblings.

Natsuo:

I love this guy. Truly. So far, he’s probably the MOST relatable for me…

Look at that. Beautiful. I love it. It’s everything I want. He’s unforgiving, holding his long-time abusive father accountable (regardless of how good of a hero he is), while still being a good person (lookin’ at you, Dabi…) all in one breath.

SO… why am I including him in this? Natsuo so far seems to be holding out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Horikoshi writes him in the direction of forgiveness, especially after this Dabi/Touya reveal. I feel like there’s already been hints at it, and it’s just a matter of time before he inevitably gets written as forgiving his father as well.

Here, you see his mother’s words getting into his head; he’s thinking heavily about what she’s said to him. He doesn’t like the idea of his father looking for redemption, and holds his own disbelief around his father “trying to make sense of it all.” But clearly he values his mother’s opinion on the matter, which will have an impact on his own views/beliefs. Plus, the added pressure of seeing his other family members forgive his father will also have an impact on his stance, either by making him dig his heels in further in resistance, or by accepting their stance on it and as such be one step closer to forgiving Enji himself.

Here, he’s hearing Enji’s words and recalling Midoriya talking to Shouto earlier in the evening. He’s drawing a parallel between what it means to be a kind person and what it means to forgive. It’s followed up by his father’s confession of atonement, which clearly has an impact on Natsuo. His experience here is visceral and entirely relatable; while Enji’s words may sound nice and genuine, it does little to assuage Natsuo of the painful memories he harbors and the damage that his father has caused over the years.

He’s still holding stubbornly onto his anger, unwilling to forgive… but the way it’s playing out, it’ll only be a matter of time. Maybe it’ll be yet another near-death experience for Endeavor, this time by Touya’s hand. Or maybe he’ll feel that deep cut of betrayal from Touya/Dabi that makes him let go of his own anger/darkness in his heart out of a fear of letting it consume him the way it did his older brother. Either way, I see it ending up there. We don’t know for certain yet, of course… but my money is on Natsuo forgiving his father by the end, so I’m holding back on getting too attached.

Shouto:

Shouto also seems to be becoming more open to forgiveness, despite all he’s gone through (and witnessed his mother go through). There’s a lot surrounding why this may be… perhaps it was watching the near-death experience of Enji in the battle with High-End… (which, hey, watching someone you care about nearly die, even if that person is your abuser, would be rough to watch).

Or watching his father be a badass hero (because let’s face it, Enji is an excellent fighter) that the public looks to for hope. Keep in mind, this happened after Enji had told Shouto he wanted to be worthy of the #1 position and of being Shouto’s father; so Enji has just shown to Shouto that he’s (at least by Hero Society’s standards) worthy of being #1, and now he’s trying to make amends with his family (mm, check out that need for validation…).

Clearly, Shouto is giving his father a chance to redeem himself.

And, of course, we have this page as well, which draws the comparison of being a kind person also being a forgiving person (which, quite frankly, isn’t true - you can definitely be a kind person and still not forgive someone who’s done long-term harm to you). Regardless, it’s clearly being shown that Shouto is obviously heading into forgiveness. Once again, the forgiveness itself isn’t bad… it’s how it’s being portrayed. As someone who’s been abused by someone who’s supposed to take care of them and love them, I can say with certainty that you don’t really care that much about how good that person is at their job. It shouldn’t matter that Enji is a great hero; he’s always been a great hero (that’s why he was second only to All Might). What matters is how Enji is as a father, and it’s well established that he’s failed his entire family, by choice, for years. Shouto states as such to him, saying he’ll watch to see what kind of father he becomes. But this follows immediately after the battle with High-End, which implies that Shouto is basing his willingness to forgive his father off of Enji’s heroics and public acceptance as the symbol of hope. Why this would sway Shouto’s view of his father enough to consider forgiveness for years of physical and psychological damage escapes me.

Now, let’s be clear that forgiveness of an abuser isn’t impossible, but it’s certainly not an easy task. Additionally, the decision to forgive hinges on a lot of things, including whether or not the abuser is worthy of forgiveness (i.e., are the crimes he’s committed against his family redeemable? Is he truly genuinely feeling guilty about what he’s done? Does he understand the magnitude of what he’s done? Is he acting selflessly, or is his quest for redemption rooted in selfishness (e.g., need for acceptance, a way to hold onto one’s power/importance within the family dynamic, etc.)?). In many cases, especially cases where the abuse is long-term as it’s portrayed as being for the Todoroki family, and as mine was growing up, forgiveness isn’t really on the victim’s mind. The damage done by the abuser is so long lasting, leaving a permanent imprint on how we think, act, and behave. It shapes us, especially when it occurs in the formative years of childhood, affecting how we connect with others and how we view ourselves.

So, sharing a few contrite moments with the abuser (in this case, Enji) and seeing some positive situations (e.g., watching him kick ass on TV, be kind to his kids, etc.) do little to persuade me into forgiveness of a man who willingly, repeatedly, chose to abuse his family for at least a decade. His abuse was physical, mental, and emotional. Even if his desire for redemption is genuine, the quickness with which the good characters here begin to forgive him feels slightly forced for the sake of his redemption arc, and is therefore unrelatable. And that is the crux of the issue. Enji’s redemption should be just as much about the healing of his victims as it should be about him (if not more so). However, that doesn’t seem to be the case. So, what we get is a family portrayal that is in favor of the abuser.

So, all of the ‘good’ Todorokis are working toward forgiveness of their abuser. Great. So, where does that leave those of us who aren’t on board with forgiveness? Those of us who see our own abuse, our own history, within this story and are not (and will not) ever forgive our abuser for entirely reasonable and justifiable reasons? Where is our representation in a story that, for all intents and purposes, is meant to be about the ramifications of abuse (and by proxy, victims of abuse)?

Our only remaining choice? Dabi, of course... the psychopath who’s bent on destroying his abuser’s life and the hero society that’s, in some ways, created and supported him.

I think a major reason Dabi is so loved by some of us is that we can identify with that anger, that need for retribution/justice. Are all of us entirely on board with how Dabi has decided to go about this retribution by doing whatever it takes no matter who it hurts or what innocent lives are lost? No, of course not. But in a story where we’re looking for a sense of justice, where the long-term serial abuser DOESN’T get to walk away free with his abused family still by his side/supporting him, what other options do we have? He’s the ONLY ONE who seems to be willing to hold Enji accountable for what he’s done and who sees the hypocrisy in his position as a symbol of hope in contrast to who he has been behind closed doors with his family. So THAT is what we’re defending when we defend Dabi. We’re NOT defending his murders, or him attempting to kill his brother, or ANY of that. We might understand where that darkness is coming from/what’s caused it and empathize with it, but we don’t EXCUSE it.

Now, obviously the story isn’t finished yet, so there’s no way to know for sure where Horikoshi will take this redemption arc. We don’t know if all of the family members really will forgive Endeavor or not, and if Enji will ever be fully welcomed into the family fold. The airing of the Todoroki family’s dirty laundry and its impacts on shining a light on the cracks in hero society give me hope. Also, the diversity across the Todoroki family of how each person copes that that abuse is also well done. That’s why I’m still invested in this story, that’s why I’m still reading it. But we only have what we’ve been shown to go on, and at the moment, there are major aspects of this story that are lacking. The diversity in how each family member handles their abuse and their relationship with their abuser starts to lose its impact when that diversity is gradually washed out in favor of universal forgiveness.

Also, where the manga is currently at gives me concern about the kind of message this story is sending to its readers. I often see others say: “it’s just fiction, relax.” Yes, it is fiction. And when we read fiction, we all search for a piece of ourselves within the story. You can’t have a story that centers around domestic abuse and not have abuse victims gravitate towards it, hoping for accurate representation. And most importantly, even though this is ‘just a story,’ what message is it sending when the only person not willing to excuse/forgive Enji is a psychopath who’s been driven insane by his father’s abuse (and possible by his family’s inability/unwillingness to address said abuse)? What message does it send to abuse victims? What message does it send to those who have never experienced abuse and are learning about it through this fictional representation? To say that this isn’t relevant in a real-world way is inaccurate at best and damaging at worst; and even if it may not hold relevance for some within a real-world setting, for many of us it does and as such the implications and impacts of it should be respected, even if you may not agree with it. In short, for some of us, this is personal.

Now, do I think that every family member should curse Enji into the sun? No, as satisfying as that would be for me. I’d be perfectly happy if some family members forgive and some don’t. Why? Because it’s realistic. It makes sense, because it depends on each character’s unique, personal experiences. Some will forgive, some won’t, and some will continue to defend and provide excuses for said abuser – all of these positions within the abused family dynamic are real and exist. I just wish BNHA would also allow a space for us abuse victims who aren’t willing to forgive – a space that isn’t villainized.

#bnha meta #bnha spoilers #bnha 292 #dabi #Todoroki family #bnha discourse #abuse

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