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bibbityboppitybillyharvgrove · 7 months

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Always There - Chapter Three: S.Snape

Summary: Y/N Potter was left with a baby to care for after her brother and sister-in-law were murdered by Voldemort. One person was there for her, a person she didn’t expect but soon became her comfort person, Severus Snape. During Harry’s third year at Hogwarts and her third year as Herbology professor, a few old friends come around again. Y/N has to handle the feelings of these old friends being around again as well as handle her feelings for a certain potions master all while she tries to hide these things from her godson.

Series Masterlist

My full Masterlist

Pairings: Severus Snape x Female Professor Reader, Potter!Reader x friend!Remus

Chapter Warnings: Female Reader, Potter Reader(No physical description of reader) probably shitty writing, Harry growing up in a loving home, mentions of death and murder, mentions of Azkaban, shittyly written angst, mutual pining, Wormtail, Remus is kinda a dick but redeems himself

Series Warnings: Female Reader, Potter Reader (No physical description of reader) probably shitty writing, OOC Snape, Harry grows up in a loving environment, mentions of death and murder, poorly written angst, Remus is a shitty friend, poorly written pining,

Please let me know how I can improve my writing and being more inclusive to POC as I am whiter than white. Please also let me know if I have to add more to the warnings! My messages are open as well as my asks!

I am starting a taglist so leave either a comment or something in my asks if you would like to be tagged in any of my works or just this series!

Author's Note: Please let me know how I can improve or if you find any errors! Correct me, don't be afraid to! I want to improve my writing and become a better writer so any feedback or advise is welcomed!

Word Count: 2968

My asks are open for questions, suggestions and feedback!

Feedback is welcomed and encouraged!

Enjoy!

not my gif

gif not mine

To say that Y/N was deeply hurt by her nephew was putting it nicely. It was quickly approaching Christmas, the Potters usually opting to stay at Hogwarts, this year that was still the case, however the aunt and nephew were not on speaking terms. During the holiday, Y/N spent her day in her room, laid up in bed staring into the fire crackling inside the room. She hadn’t even left the room for breakfast, or lunch and now it was close to dinner.

She heard a knock on the door but ignored it, knowing it was probably Severus or Minerva trying to get her to eat again, the two had been switching off checking on her since her argument with Harry. She knew that they were just trying to help but she couldn’t be bothered. The knocking came again, Y/N opening the door with the wave of her hand. She hadn’t turned to look at whoever it was, she didn’t even say a word. Too much was running through her mind, she always tried to run from her thoughts but sometimes she just couldn’t help it.

“Darling, I brought you something to eat. And someone would like to talk to you if you’re up to it,” Severus spoke gently. She still hadn’t acknowledged the man nor the other visitor that joined him. “I don’t think she’s up to it. Maybe another day.” Instead of hearing footsteps leaving, she heard footsteps getting closer, stopping at the edge of her bed. Remus’ scarred face came into view as he sat on the floor next to her bed.

“C’mon dove, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.” Remus was met with no answer, it was like she was in a catatonic state. She wasn’t reacting to anything, everyone was getting so worried that they were about to get madam Pomphrey. “You really think James would want you to act like this?! No, he would want you to talk some sense into Harry! He would want you to get off your ass and do something about it!” Remus was yelling at her at this point.

“Don’t yell at her like that!” Severus snapped at him.

“Don’t you dare talk about James like that ever again! Don’t tell me how to parent Harry, you lost that privilege when you left!” Y/N screamed at him, shooting up in her bed so she was sitting up. Remus had a smirk on his face, he knew just how to break her when she needed to be broken.

“My work here is done, see you later Snivellus,” Remus said before getting up to leave the room. However, the door slammed shut when he opened it. He turned to see Y/N standing up and stalking her way towards him.

“Don’t you dare talk to him like that ever again or I swear to Merlin your furry little problem will seem miniscule,” Her voice was threatening as was her stance.

“Okay now dove, relax. It was harmless.”

“I don’t care, I hear that cruel name come out of your mouth ever again, it will be that last thing you ever say.” Severus’ face felt hot, his heart picking up speed, nobody had ever defended him so fiercely in his entire life.

“Let’s go take a walk to calm down a bit, darling. You haven’t been out of bed in a couple days,’ Severus chimed in, it was his attempt to diffuse the situation which seemed to work because she backed away, finding her robe and a pair of slippers and putting them on. Remus had taken this opportunity to leave the room, the pair being left alone like they enjoyed being. The two professors were the kinds of people that tended to like being alone, however, when the two were together they were happy as could be, they enjoyed each other’s company.

Severus escorted her out of her room and led her to the gardens. The air outside was cold but welcoming, snow coating the ground, snowflakes falling sporadically around them. Severus had wanted to know what was going on in her mind so he asked, Y/N answering him truthfully. “The whole thing with Harry was kind of a kickstarter to it. The holidays make it worse though, I know James was a complete ass to you but he was my brother. He was my best friend and it still hurts a lot to not have him around during the holidays, y’know? Christmas was the best time of year for my family when we were kids, everyone would be at the house, Sirius, Peter, Remus, mum and dad would be home and me and James would have a blast. Getting into the firewhiskey and playing stupid muggle games. I miss it,” She rambled.

“You are allowed to miss your brother, you knew the best parts of him whereas I knew the worst parts of him. I want you to know that you can come talk to me whenever, don’t let these things pile up to the point where you don’t get out of bed. I care about you Y/N, quite a lot so I want you to talk to me when you need me, when you just want to say something that comes to your mind, come to me,” Severus replied, his voice had changed, it was almost softer when he was speaking to her. It was almost like if he spoke too loud or too harsh, she would break.

“Did the coldest professor of Hogwarts just admit he cared about me? Who are you and what have you done to my Severus?” She joked, his heart skipping a beat when she said ‘my Severus’. Merlin, did he want to be hers and her his. She took note of the silence and the hint of red on his cheeks, a smirk coming to her face, “Did I just make you blush? Severus Snape can blush?”

“You’re a pest, you know that?”

“Only to you, but that doesn’t answer my question, Severus. Don’t avoid it.”

“No, it’s from the cold, are you happy with that?” Severus asked her, he knew that she knew he was lying. She could read the man like a book but she decided to let it go. The two of them continued their walk, Y/N shivering slightly when a particularly bitter gust of wind blew through them. Without even thinking, Severus took off his cloak and put it around her shoulders. Her heart picking up speed at the action, now it was her turn for her face to get hot.

“Won’t you be cold?” She asked him, concerned, about to take off the cloak. Severus placed his hand on her shoulder stopping her movements, her heart skipping a beat once again at the slightest touch.

“Don’t worry about me darling. I’m okay,” He smiled at her, his heart was warm with the care and concern she showed for him. She was one of the most selfless people he had ever interacted with. As they walked, the pair seemed to get closer and closer together, talking about anything and everything, their hands brushing often, their feet moving in sync. Before their hands could smack into each other again, Severus took her hand in his, gripping her hand firmly but not too tight, she could easily pull her hand away if she wanted. However that was the last thing she wanted to do, instead she squeezed his hand and gripped it just as firmly, much to his enjoyment.

As they made their way back inside in a comfortable silence, Y/N heard squeaking by her feet, so she looked down. It was Scabbers, Ron Weasley’s pet rat. She stopped in her tracks to avoid stepping on the old rat, bending down and picking him up in her free hand. She got a closer look at the rat and almost dropped him in realization. “Oh my Godric! Peter Pettigrew! Severus, it’s Peter! His animagus was a rat and he looked exactly like this when he transformed!” She exclaimed, holding the rat close to her body no matter how much he wiggled and tried to get free.

“Are you sure? He’s supposed to be dead and this looks like Weasley’s rat,” Severus replied, trying to talk her off a ledge even though she wasn’t on one. She was sure, 100% sure it was Peter. She gave Severus a look before dragging him to the headmaster’s office, knowing he’d be there. Once they had made it into his office, she presented Dumbledore with the rat.

“Why are you giving me a rat Y/N?” He asked the Potter woman in confusion.

“It’s Peter Pettigrew! Severus, get some veritaserum, please. I need answers,” She replied, her voice filled with desperation. Severus gave Albus a look telling him to go along with it before getting a vial of the truth serum.Although Severus had complete trust in Y/N, she had been through a lot as of late so he was a little unsure, however when, the woman pulled out her wand and gave it a wave at the rat who quickly turned into a man, he was shocked. Him and Dumbledore had a look of surprise on their faces, the potion master’s quickly turning into pride because Y/N stuck to her gut and trusted her instinct.

“Y/N, little Potter, dove, how are you?” Peter rambled as Dumbledore sent an urgent notice to the Minister of Magic. Peter was put into a chair, hands and feet tied to the chair so he couldn’t flee. Remus bursted into the office with the Minister in tow.

“Give him the serum Severus, we have some questions that are needing answers,” Dumbledore spoke. The black haired man walked toward the former rat and forced some of the serum into his mouth and down his throat. They asked a few baseline questions, asking his name, where he had been for the past 12 years.

“Who was the secret keeper for my brother and Lily?” Y/N demanded.

“It was me. Sirius was never secret keeper, James thought it would be too obvious.”

“You sold them out! You were the one who got James and Lily killed! I’m gonna fucking kill you!” She screamed at the man, a pair of arms grabbing her and pulling her away from him.

“Calm down, love, please. We need to get your answers, right? You need to keep calm so you get them,” Severus told her gently, her lips brushing her ear as he spoke, the action making her shiver slightly. She listened to his gentle breathing which acted as a soothing agent to her, keeping her as calm as she could although her heart was racing and being weighed heavy with guilt and betrayal. She felt guilty because for all of these years, she had believed that Sirius had sold out James and Lily when it was really Peter, who was right in front of her for the last three years. She felt betrayed because she had trusted Peter and believed the man to be dead but it turned out that she was wrong about that one.

“Did Sirius kill those muggles?” Remus asked him.

“No, that was me. I framed him,” Peter admitted. With his answers, the minister deemed Peter Pettigrew a criminal with the sentencing of a dementor’s kiss. He was set to get the kiss in three days' time, for the wait he was to be put into Azkaban.

She felt dizzy, as if she couldn’t keep herself on her feet once she saw Peter get taken away, Remus and Albus following behind. The slytherin noticed this and grabbed her at the waist before she could fall. “Love, stay awake, open your eyes, come on,” She heard his voice but he sounded like he was underwater. She looked up at Severus, panicked.

“What’s happening to me? Sev, I’m scared,” She whimpered, Severus's heart breaking at the sound.

“It’s okay love, you’ll be okay. I’ll take you to Poppy, she’ll make you better.” After hearing his voice, she succumbed to the darkness, falling limp in his arms, causing the professor to panic. He picked her up and rushed to the hospital wing, he knew she would be okay. She would be okay.

****

Y/N hadn’t woken up until the day before New Year’s Eve, she was unconscious for 5 days. Severus, Harry, and Remus refused to leave her side. Severus had a serious chat with the Potter boy about the way he had treated his aunt as they were waiting for the herbalist to wake up.

“I hope you realize the amount of stress your aunt was under and the distress this childish argument caused her. She cares about you quite a lot Potter, you are the most important person in her life and you hurt her quite deeply. When she wakes, I expect you to fix it, if you don’t you’ll have to deal with me,” Severus explained to the boy he got to watch grow up.

“Yes uncle Sev. I’m sorry,” Harry replied rather guiltily.

“It’s not me you should be apologizing to. And it’s professor Snape when we are on school grounds. Only uncle Sev outside of school.” Harry just nodded and returned to his aunt’s side.

Whilst she was out, they had found Sirius Black and deemed him a free man. Double checking when he agreed to take truth serum in front of a courtroom before he was actually set free. He had yet to visit Y/N, Harry and Remus, unsure of how the two would feel about him after being away from them for 12 years.

When Y/N began stirring, the three wizards got excited, all of them straightening their posture and watching her intently, waiting to see her eyes open. When they finally did, Harry practically threw himself onto his aunt, apologizing profusely, refusing to let go of her. “My boy, I forgive you. You felt betrayed, I understand that. I should’ve told you about Siri to begin with instead of hiding it,” Y/N explained tiredly. She gave her nephew a kiss on the cheek before he sat back on his chair and gave his uncles a chance to say hello to her. Remus was next. “Moony, I’m sorry for acting like such a bitch. You’re still my brother, you always will be.”

“Don’t you dare apologize dove, I deserved it. I left and it wasn’t fair to you, you lost James, Lily, Sirius and me within a few days. I shouldn’t have left and I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it sooner,” Remus explained. She opened her arms wanting a hug from the man which he gladly gave her. Once the two friends released each other, it was time for Severus. Remus and Harry decided to give them a little bit of privacy, leaving the room but peeking into the hospital wing to spy on them. Severus using the muffliato spell he had created so the two couldn’t hear what they were talking about.

“Sev, are you okay? I bet that was a lot for you to witness, huh?” She asked the long haired man.

“I should be asking you that, love. How are you feeling? Do you need anything?” He asked.

“I just need you, can you lay with me so we can talk?” Instead of verbally answering, he did as she asked, laying himself down next to her on the small bed. Because the bed was so small, she had turned on her side, scooting herself closer to him until she could lay her head on his chest, his arm closest to her holding her body close against his side, his fingers tracing absent-minded shapes on her back.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Severus said, “You gave me quite a scare.”

“I’m sorry, I honestly don’t know how it happened, did Poppy say why I passed out?”

“She said your body was too tired and malnourished to handle that amount of stress so once your adrenaline wore off, you collapsed.” She hummed in response, nuzzling her head into his chest a little more, listening to his heartbeat, it was soothing her and putting her back to sleep. “Still tired love?”

“When did you make that switch?” She questioned out of the blue.

“What switch are you talking about?”

“The switch from darling to love. When did that start?”

“I don’t know, I hadn’t even noticed. Do you want me to stop?”

“No, I quite like it. Now I need a new thing to call you. Maybe handsome? No, how about honey? I like that one, what do you think honey?” She thought out loud. As soon as the term passed her lips, his heart sped up which made her smile at the sound. “Sounds like you like that one,” She teased although her heart, too, sped up when he called her love or if he looked at her a certain way. Instead of him replying to her teasing, he tilted her head up by grasping her chin gently and guiding her to look at him. The two of them hadn’t noticed but they were leaning closer together. As soon as their lips touched, all thoughts and ailments felt like they had melted away. They were just focused on each other, how their lips felt together after pining after one another for so long.

They got interrupted by a black dog jumping onto the bed, growling at Severus and showing its teeth to intimidate him. Because the two were startled apart, Y/N didn’t get a good look at the dog until her heart had stopped racing and the blissful feeling started to fade. She looked into the eyes of the dog before realizing who it was.

“Sirius Orion Black.”

taglist

@acupnoodle @chxelsxaa @fluffyrat365 @fanficwriter5

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

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WIBTA for telling the blunt truth to my roommate, that shes immature, irresponsible, and rude?

[-.-] < so I can recognize

so I (20) have three roommates, A(20), B(21 or 22), and C(20). We all attend the same college. I have lived with A for 2 years, but we only started living with B and C in fall 2023. so far there have been some issues, and most of them revolve around interacting with C. C has a cat, and they keep the litterbox in their room of our apartment, so they always have their door open. This itself isnt really a problem, but I feel like its eroding the distinction between common space and their personal space for them. Often when there is another conversation happening at the table or on the couch, C will come out of their room, sit on the couch, and watch loud videos on their phone without headphones. Then, they will hear a small part of our conversation, react in TOTAL shock and awe, demand we recap the last 5-10 minutes of conversation to catch them up, then go right back to their video. On another occasion, I was talking with either A or B as well as C, when C said they were overstimulated and needed some quiet time (no problem with that, it happens) so they were going to put in their headphones and. stay in the living room on the couch. instead of going to their room.

They also will completely derail conversations into complete dead ends and traumadumping. I was driving, C was in the passenger seat, and B and our friend G(18 or 19 iirc) were in the back. we were chatting about our parents being silly and making harmless fun of us at various points, and C multiple times said "we're not talking about times my parents took away phones bc Trauma!" like. If you dont want to talk about it DONT BRING IT UP. C could have chimed in w a time their friend did something like that and it would be fine! but instead they latched onto the parent part. They do this fairly often, and it makes it really hard to have a conversation where we casually mention our childhoods, bc its always a minefield w C, as they will make a point to bring up that they lacked the circumstances for whatever experience we are talking about, either due to bad relationships w parents or due to growing up poor.

On top of all this, they also are not financially in a good place. They routinely dont have money for food and end up eating mostly communal stuff. Sometimes when they are low on money I will end up buying something communal just so they will stop carrying on. IMO if they are in that sort of financial situation they shouldnt have gotten a cat, bc I honestly dont think they can afford it. tbh I feel like they pretty much live on the cheese and tortillas I buy, and i'm starting to feel the financial stress of it.

They are constantly making every interaction about themselves in ways that make it really hard, even when they arent even part of the conversation.

Repeatedly i've wanted to tell them that they dont have to be involved in everything, and that they dont have to always be talking or generating noise. That when other people are talking, they need to either contribute constructively to the conversation, wait their turn, or at the very least stop and apologize when they interrupt someone instead of talking right over them for minutes at a time. And that its not our responsibility to help them when they are low on money, that maybe they shouldnt have gotten a cat if they werent able to financially support it, and also that it shouldnt be our (me, A and B)'s job to walk on egg shells bc they have emotional outbursts over incredibly minor things (they do take mood stabilizers and have a disorder that effects their mood, but that doesnt mean its ok that they will sometimes seem really angry and aggressive out of absolutely nowhere, yelling swears with no provocation).

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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luvghostie · 2 years

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Hello! So I was hoping you could do this as a platonic thing, but;

What would Kyle, Stan, Kenny and Cartman be like with a father figure reader? Reader constantly cares for them, supports them praises them like no tomorrow and is in general kinda like a dad to them. I'm curious as to how they would treat them and act around them.

Aww, yes I love this request<3 sorry it took so long, I had things to take care of but enjoy!!

╰┈➤𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐇 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐄.ೃ࿐

{𝘔𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘓𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘨𝘦, 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵}

Cartman: um, do you want my autograph or something?

Cartman doesn't know how to react to someone being there for him. Yes, his mom provides for him the best she can but she rarely gives him reassurance or affection.

He'll be very cruel to you at first wondering what you actually want from him.

When you stay longer he'll realize you're not using him for anything weird but instead you are like something he's always wanted... An actual parent.

“Hey... Can you please tell me I'm not stupid? Not that I need your praise or anything, I'm just ego feeding... Yeah.”

compliments and hugs are something he'd love. Just not in public.

Often times he'll probably cry knowing that he's rude to you. He wants to change himself but he doesn't want to get hurt by the other kids.

Memories of bullying, neglect and nasty remarks about his weight are something he hopes you confined him about. Making him forget all those bad times which tore him apart.

In general, Cartman will try to give back what you give to him. It might not be in the same way, but know he appreciates you more than anyone else.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Kyle: I wish my dad or even my mom was like you-

Kyle has two parents but both of them seem annoyed with him all the time. Ike is little but they give most of their time to his projects or things he likes, leaving the older out.

He'll ask you questions that he can't ask his mom or dad. They vary from animal questions, life questions, or even questions he worries about late at night.

“Could an asteroid hit so hard that none of us feel the impact? So, we die peacefully?”

The answers you give him he takes to heart and tries his best to understand. Remember, he's only in fourth grade.

If cartman says anything rude to you Kyle is always in your corner. (no doubt he and Cartman have had fights about how he talks to you)

You'll have to break the two apart before things escalate

Kyle tells his parents about you but not everything. He's worried that the knowledge and affection you give him will make his parents see you as something that might send him to hell. Realistically, it's because you're more of a parent than either of them could ever be.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Kenny: *muffled* please don't randomly leave... Not only will you hurt me, but you'll also hurt Karen.

Kenny is the most emotionally and physically hurt so you might have to give him extra compliments. Everyone else in the group has at least one parent that attempts to feed, help, or nurture their kid. However, his could give two fucks.

He'll make you thank you cards for caring for him and keeping him alive. Karen will also give you her favorite barbie, assisting that you deserved it more.

Kenny might ask you often if he could stay with you or at the least hangout. His parents wouldn't look for him anyways.

*muffled* You wanna go throw rocks at the elderly?

He gets upset at times when others bug you or talk over him. He won't yell, but he'll wait for them to shut up.

If he dies in front of you, he hopes you know he'll just come back in three days. The first time he died while you were there terrified the shit out of you. Not to mention how Cartman, Kyle, and Stan didn't seem to care much.

Kenny is a sweetheart and is very glad to have you around. It's a plus to him that Karen likes you as well. He'll try not to make sexual jokes around you or make you uncomfortable, it's a force of habit though.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Stan: Hey, hows your day?

Stan is the most normal one in the group. He loves his family but having you around is nice.

His mom sometimes isn't home and his father can be kind of overbearing at times so you're like his gateway to being relaxed.

If he has homework he needs to do or struggles with a subject he'll ask you for help on the topic. Especially because his dad's not very smart and would probably punch something if he was wrong.

He'll talk a lot about random things he finds interesting or Wendy. Speaking of wendy, you'd probably help him with his relationship and give him a nudge in the right direction.

“You think she'll like the flowers?”

If he throws up before giving her the flowers you'll do him justice and do it for him.

Stan might cry openly in front of you and the group if he has problems. Everyone tries to help the best they can but you might have to yell at Cartman for being a dick.

Stan is a nice boy and is grateful for all you do for him and his friends. He'll give you compliments and buy you food for payback. Even his mom likes you.

#eric cartman #headcanon #kyle broflovski #kenny mccormick #stan marsh #south park x reader #south park #platonic #father figure

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anxiousangerball · 9 months

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Shadow Work

Shadow Question 1:

When did you stop loving yourself?

My response is below. I'm posting it because...well fuck. If I'm going this work for me. I guess I can do whatever I want with it. I'm posting on a whim. Maybe I'll regret it. Maybe I won't.

Unimportant!

The question is for whoever wants to play around with it. (Be gentle on yourself. This journey is already hard enough.)

That one time I lied to my mom.

I was four…maybe five. I cannot remember if my baby brother had been born yet.

Mom was in a bad mood.

She didn’t handle her bad moods very well. She had been taught that being angry was shameful.

Trouble is, anger happens. You can’t stuff that shit deep down and ignore it.

If you do that, then you do things like my mom would do. She would stuff a little bit of anger down each day, and that anger couldn’t get going anywhere.

That little ball of anger inside of her would increase in size.

Soon, it would be too big for her to contain, although she was still making the effort:

She’s doing her thing, not showing how angry she is about all the things, but we, in the household, all knew. We knew when an explosion was about to detonate. We knew. We could feel it in the air of the home. Miserable.

Finally. FINALLY, all of her anger would explode, she would yell, she would lecture, she would cry. She would threaten to run away. Not in that order, of course. (The threat to run away, though...that one always hurt me most.)

Once she'd gotten all that anger out of her system, things would be okay again...until her collection of anger was too big for her body again.

None of this is good or healthy. In case you were wondering.

So, this one evening, Mom was in a bad mood, but it wasn’t bad enough yet to subdue my older sister and I as we got ready for bed.

Our bedrooms were upstairs from the living area of the house, and we were able to hear our parents coming up the stairs. We had been fooling around – a bit hyper, a bit bouncing off the walls. We heard our parents start up the stairs, and I dashed back to my own room, my own bed. I leapt upon the bed and pulled all the covers over me.

I was playing. This was a play action. I was inviting my parents to play hide and seek – of a sort - with me.

Neither of them accepted my invitation to play. My Dad was chill. He didn’t do anything beyond finally kiss me good night after I’d excavated myself out from underneath the blankets.

My mom’s mood had gotten even more sour – I could feel it in the air. So I apologized. I actually said I was sorry for messing up the blankets on my bed – they were all out of order because of how I’d been roughhousing.

My mom said “yeah, well you lie a lot, too.”

(Quick note here. Either my hearing or my auditory processing was never strong. I think auditory processing issues are the culprit, but who knows? All I know is that that is what I heard my mom say. I could be mistaken. I mention it only because, also around this age, there was a moment when I dashed up to my dad to tell him something of vital importance to me. He said “What’s up” I heard “Shut up.” It’s a thing. But, we’re going with what I’m sure I heard my mom say. Because that’s what I reacted to. Hearing my mom say “yeah, and you lie a lot, too.”)

Another aside, I already understood that I had a tenuous relationship with the truth. That, in my mind at the age of 4, was gospel. I struggled with telling the truth. Also, I was a bad child. (I was being raised in a strict Catholic household. I was never going to get out of there with self-confidence intact.) The point is – I could easily believe my mom said such a thing to me because I already understood that I struggled with being honest.

She kissed me good night, turned out my light and went back downstairs.

I started sobbing.

My older sister heard me from her room and tried to figure out what was going on and how she could get me to stop. She had no success. She went down and summoned our folks.

My mom tried to get to the bottom of why I was crying, and I couldn’t tell her. I felt absolutely unable to articulate why I was crying. I didn’t want to tell her that I was crying because I was a liar. (full disclosure, I have no clue how my mom would have reacted if I had said “I’m crying because you said that I lie a lot. I know that that is true, but now I think that are going to stop loving me because I’m an absolute crap human being.” But you know…how a 4 year old would say it.).

So, I didn’t tell her. She was already angry. Then, AFTER BEDTIME! She had this irrational child that she couldn't understand, who wasn’t giving her anything at all to work with. She finally left me to my dad’s care and stomped off back downstairs.

My dad finally managed to get me to calm down. I still couldn't bring myself to admit why I was so upset over the fact that I was a liar and a crap human (honestly – I believed for many many years that I was going to burn in hell because of what an awful person I was. The church always told me how awful I was. I believed them. I am so grateful that, when I was in my 20s, I came to the conclusion that no one should be made to feel so profoundly miserable on a weekly basis by visiting their chosen house of worship. So, I stopped going. Because I deserve to not feel miserable. I really fucking do. No one should feel miserable when worshipping. I will die on this hill.).

I couldn’t tell my dad anything, but at least I'd stopped. He convinced me to talk with my mom again, because my being upset had upset her. It would make her feel better, he said, if she could give me another good night kiss (paraphrasing here, if you couldn’t guess. This is gist, not the actual conversation).

We go downstairs, and I had another conversation with my mom. I still would not tell her why I had been so upset. Mom kept offering guesses. Finally she suggested that I was jealous that my older sister had just gotten new flannel sheets for her bed, but I hadn’t. I told her that that was it. That was why I was so upset.

(As established above, that was not why I was upset. Also established above, I was a lying liar who lies, apparently. I just didn’t want to tell her that she had made me cry because of what she said. I do not know why that meant so much to me.)

So, she promised that, as soon as our budget could handle it, she would buy me a set of flannel sheets as well.

That was a terrible night. My mom called me a liar and then I proved her right. That’s heavy stuff for a four year old. But, because I couldn’t figure out a way to tell my mom what was actually going on, I hated myself even more than I had.

I think that is when I stopped loving myself. What an irredeemable person I was! (Again...I was four. I remember certain things. I remember how that sadness clung in my throat and it ached, ached, ached. I remember the shame. Should a four year old be able to hold that much shame? At that age? I blame the Catholic Church for the assist, along with my mom for her own traumatic upbringing that caused her to hurt those she loves.)

(Not that my dad gets a pass in my childhood…we all made plenty of choices we regret. It’s just…this was a story about me and my mom. And when (and why) I stopped loving myself.)

You know what I hate the most? I don't believe my mom's love is steadfast. I think I will lose it by doing or saying the wrong thing. By making the "wrong" choice. (And "wrong" is just code for something she doesn't agree with. If I had come home with a same sex significant other, that would have been a wrong choice. Just for example.) I feel very tentative around my mom - leaning in to politeness so as not to give offense. I guess I don't want to lose her love, even if I think the way she is choosing to live her life is close minded and bigoted.

What the hell is that? I hate the choices she's making. I HATE them. I am so embarrassed and ashamed that someone who taught me to be kind and empathetic, someone who led my scout troop, and taught us all feminism 101 for fucks sake (holy wow were we feisty when we were pre-teens. I miss that optimism and courage.), someone who was one of my best fucking friends when I was an older teen into my twenties, has grown to be so fucking unkind. That meanness is there there. It's there in how she votes. It's there in how she talks about people different from her. IT'S MOTHERFUCKING THERE WHEN SHE - WITH HER FULL CHEST - PICKETS OUTSIDE OF THE LOCAL ABORTION CLINIC. WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK, MA?! HOW VERY DARE YOU BE SO FUCKING MEAN!!!

This woman pisses me off.

But, also. She's my mom. And I want her to still be my family. I want her to consider me to be her family. But she's grown to be so fucking awful. And I look at her and I feel - in with all the frustration and anger - I feel pity. This fucking woman. She's doing her best, but religion has rotted her brain. She thinks she's being righteous. She goes to mass on the daily, she prays her rosary, she completes so so many acts of service. She reads her bible She reads other religious tomes. She tithes to the church and donates to charity. She thinks she is being good. But when we try to point out her bigotry, she can't hear it. She can't take it in. She won't even try. She's scared. She's being left behind in a world that is adapting because it has to. She's clinging to what makes her feel safe, but her sense of safety HURTS others. It fucking damages others.

I love this woman, but she breaks my heart. I fear her final abandonment of me, even as I don't agree with her current morality. I hate this. No stars. Cannot recommend.

#Mental Health #Shadow Work #Mother Daughter Issues #Working through a memory based on a shadow work prompt #Self esteem #Generational strife #Musings #Not beta read #Probably a bunch of typos #I dunno #Don't know that i have the energy to care.#Politics

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fanficwriter284 · 2 years

Text

Sneak Out

"Come on Glen!!! Just Cover FOR MEEE!!! COME ON!!!"

"I don't know Glenda, aren't you grounded??"

"Come on!!! Just this once!!! PLEASE!!! I'm your sister!!! NO, I'M YOUR TWIN SISTER!!!"

Glen sighed and rolled his eyes but nodded.

"Fine"

"THANKS YOUR THE BEST"

It was 10 PM. And Glenda was about to start her plan. She snuck out the house through the window. When she thought everyone was asleep. However, Chucky and Tiffany were downstairs watching the news. Chucky had heard a loud thump. Tiffany didn't seem to notice, Chucky turned his head and saw his teenage daughter attempting to sneak out. He squinted his eyes and cracked his neck.

"Where are you going?"

"Out"

Chucky grabbed his knife and headed out the door, following his daughter.

Glenda finally arrived and headed in the house. A bunch of people dancing, partying, and drinking beer.

"Wanna drink?"

"Oh me? No, I'm good"

The boy shrugged her off and left to go get a refill on his cup. Glenda started to have fun and began dancing with some guys and some of her girl friends.

Chucky arrived at the house and heard loud music playing. He felt a vein in the side of his head pulsing and throbbing. His grip tightened around the knife and he opened the door. He entered the house everyone too intoxicated to care. He looked for his daughter and once he saw her his eye began to twitch.

"GLENDA ELISABETH RAY!!!!"

Glenda's face dropped.

"Oh Shit"

"Is that your dad?"

"Yeah"

"Damn he's scary"

Glenda gulped and locked eyes with him.

Glenda ran over to her Dad.

"Dad!!!! You're embarrassing me. If you're gonna yell at me do it outside. PLEASE!!! Ground me, fine. Just punish me outside!"

"DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK???? GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE NOW!!!"

"COME ON OLD MAN!!!! RELAX!!!"

Chucky sharply turned his neck around and looked at the boy. He threw his knife at him and it landed right above his head.

"That's my first and only warning"

The kid immediately froze and shut up.

"JETZT DU JUNGE DAME!!!! SIE HABEN GEERDET!!! SCHIEß DEINEN ARSCH HIER RÜCK!!! WIR GEHEN NACH HAUSE. JETZT!!!"

(Translation: NOW YOU YOUNG LADY!!!! YOU ARE GROUNDED!!! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!! WE'RE GOING HOME. NOW!!!)

Chucky was so enraged he didn't even bother speaking English and switched over to his first language German. Glenda turned red and didn't have time to react since Chucky lifted her up and threw her over his shoulders.

"DAD!!!"

Chucky didn't care, his main priority was taking his teenage daughter home. He kicked open the front door and threw her on the couch. Tiffany was furious and tapping her foot up and down.

"And where have you been?"

"........ It's not as bad as you think"

"Oh......oh really? WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE, AND TRYING TO BE SLICK ABOUT IT!!!"

"NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU WERE OUT PARTYING AT THIS OUR WITH BOYS!!! GLENDA"

Both of them were at a loss for words. They didn't know how to react.

"We're very disappointed in you"

"Extremely disappointed"

Hearing that from her parents stung. She could take being yelled or screamed at, but hearing that they were disappointed in her always hurt the most. She bowed her head in shame and avoided eye contact.

"I----I----I'm sorry"

"J------Just go to your room. Your father and I need a moment to think over your punishment"

Glenda ran up the stairs and wiped away a single tear and crawled into bed.

"........Frankly, I don't know what to say. What the hell was she thinking?"

"She wasn't. What the hell do we do?"

"Well, now she's grounded for the rest of the year. No phone, No iPad, No Computer. Just no electronics. She ain't going killing anytime soon. No after-school activities. No friends, NO nothing"

"Yeah. I still can't believe she would pull a stunt like that"

"Yeah, me either."

#Chucky and Glenda #Tiffany and Glenda #chucky #chiffany #childs play #charles lee ray #raysforever #chucky x tiffany #tiffany valentine #chuckyxtiffany #glen and glenda #Glenda Ray #Glen Ray #Ray Twins

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aro-attorneys · 1 year

Text

Oh the complicated...state of Dual Destinies and Spirit of Justice.

I'm not sure how to word this well so I guess this will just be a rambly essay or something.

I feel like my expectations were already lowered, which helped me enjoy any mainline game after the trilogy more (probably). I'm leaving AA4/AJ out of this though because it feels a lot more like Good Old Ace Attorney game that is clearly a follow-up after the trilogy and has the "retro" Nintendo aesthetic (can't believe I can call it retro. god).

Going into the Trilogy, I knew almost nothing about AA aside from "people ship the blue and red/pink guy" and a few memes. None of that knowledge came even close to the True AA experience, so I was rather blown away by the quality of the games.

Moving my way into the fandom after finishing AA3/TaT made sure that getting "spoilers" is inevitable. A combination of Fandom Exposure and having Friends who already played the games caused me to kind of receive...mixed reviews for post-trilogy games? DD and SoJ were the most controversial (I guess AJ just aged really well bc I mostly see praise for it nowadays). The overall impression I got was "not bad bad but also Not That Good either". (some takes were more on the negative side but some of them were more on the..."forgiving" side.

I really loved AJ, so I was wondering how DD and SoJ would hold up in that case. Like...maybe it wouldn't be that bad or something, you know? And the overall impression they gave me was Kind of a Drag but Not Bad.

Cases felt a lot longer. I guess that was only natural after moving to a better Nintendo system with more memory and processing power. But sometimes Cases that are Longer are Bad. It felt like they had more padding just to fill up some time and it made me move through the storyline incredibly slow; I got distracted easily because they failed to keep my attention. I know, big surprise from someone with ADHD lol. But the Trilogy simply held my attention better because with the limited space they had, everything had to kind of Move Faster for the plot to happen and every line contained important information.

Anyway, that's mostly a mechanical issue. I think another issue, one that most people probably agree on, is that it's very sterile. The first 4 mainline games clearly took more risks. They wanted to tell their story and felt more experimental; it felt more integer in a way. The games had a story to tell, a direction they wanted to follow. Whereas DD and SoJ so far feel very...safe. I'm sure others before me explained it better than I can, but I will try regardless:

The Trilogy and AJ didn't shy away from letting characters react pretty intensely to the situation around them, especially Phoenix. Because things were stressful! There wasn't a constant yelling of course but you could feel how stressful the final cases were for everyone involved.

I think the best example I can think of is Trucy. She was introduced in AJ and they made her instantly likeable to me. You're also immediately invested in her since she's the daughter of Phoenix. And you want to know what happened! How did she end up in Phoenix's care? Is she hiding something? Who were her biological parents? And by the time you unravel that mystery, you're invested enough that you can emotionally feel the importance of the bond between Trucy and Phoenix. AJ even ends with Phoenix stating how well he knows her as her adoptive father! You get a little glimpse of how both of them truly feel and it's just...so good.

And all of that was thrown out the window in DD (and SoJ by extend). They barely interact, they don't even mention any of the terrible things they went through together.

And that's the impression I have throughout both DD and SoJ. They do have compelling characters that I care about. I loved Athena's storyline! And I liked going against Blackquill! And so far I really like Apollo and Dhurke's storyline as well! But none of them really have the same lasting impact on me as the Trilogy and AJ had on me. I would say it's just AA Fatigue (I've been playing these games for so long lol), but even then. I've worn myself out during TGAAC too and yet its impact on me is much greater.

I know this "playing it safe" actually pissed some people off, or at the very least made them stop playing the game. To me, they are still enjoyable. But that is also about it. The only exception for me was doing Athena's trial in 5-5 which gave me the same excitement + stress feeling I had during the trilogy sometimes. There's also some other moments in both games that are actually really good. But if I had to give an overall expression, it would be Enjoyable at best and Dragging at worst.

Tl;dr: DD and SoJ are not Bad to me, but it does disappoint me a bit that once they knew they could just get money with a Safe AA game, they stopped taking creative risks and made Just Average Games.

Last side-note: I am aware of the rumor that Shu Takumi said to ignore AJ as much as possible due to its controversy. Ironically, I see most fans nowadays really like AJ so uh...hm.

#ace attorney #dual destinies #spirit of justice #phoenix wright #this wasn't gonna get a readmore but it got longer and longer so...hhhh

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 2 years

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Hi Ralph, neurodivergence anon again. After more reading I am split because I don’t have as bad difficulties as it seems most people have, but yet various things really resonate. I also feel like I don’t know if I’m being truthful or not because I am not sure I know about myself, which makes this more difficult. Either way I don’t think I could get ever a professional diagnosis not just because I’m afab and brown, but also because all of my teachers thought I was the perfect student since (1/4)

I was quiet, smart, and worked hard to never upset any teachers, and my parents always attribute my home behavior issues to me being too particular, a ‘bad child’, and just immature with communication. Also, thank you for your words about validity of my distress, I have always just had people yell at me for overreacting to things so I feel like I am overreacting too. I guess the point you made about it being ok either way, I was feeling like I needed the label because my sister basically (2/4)

said that was the only way she would take my freaking out or being particular seriously and not get mad at me about it. But your saying “you are allowed to be the way you are” was something I have never heard before this and even though I want to continue to improve myself, hearing that made me feel less hopeless, so I really really appreciate it. Either way I’ve started using strategies for autistic people for being better at (3/4)

friendships and they’ve already started working which feels amazing. So, thank you thank you thank you <3 :) (4/4)

*********

Oh anon - I'm so sorry that you've never had someone tell you that you're allowed to be the way you are. It is absolutely true - and also the way you are is OK - it's the world that's the problem.

Your sister has made a decision about how she's going to navigate the world - and that involves not believing what people say about their experience, and instead insisting that they need an external validation, before she recognises what they're saying about their life. I think that's a really bad decision that she's made. And it doesn't mean anything about you.

I'm going to make a couple more suggestions - I hope that's OK. As well as continuing to read and think about autism and figure out what steps would be useful for you - can I also suggest you look up the social model of disability? This very short video is a good introduction.

And you mentioned work on improving yourself and I'm not sure what that looks like. But if it means trying not to respond to things that cause you distress, can I suggest that might be both difficult and not improve your life that much. Instead, you could work on identifying when things are causing you distress and figuring out how to avoid them. Look to improve yourself by being kinder to yourself, rather than getting better at not reacting when the world is being cruel.

I hope those are useful - and ignore them if they're not. I promise the way you are is OK. And I wish you luck with learning to deal with the world the way it is. Your curiosity and thoughfulness about yourself will be useful in that process I promise.

#Again sending so much love and solidarity #and I promise the way you are is OK

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winged-deity · 3 years

Note

Hello, sorry if you are busy but could I please request parental dreamsmp members reacting to their child swearing? And when they ask where they learnt that word they say from Uncle Bad when he was cooking or something? I just think it would be funny and wholesome lol, thankyou for your time love ya<3

Thank you for requesting and hope this is to your liking!

Parental! DSMP members reacting to child reader swearing

Heard It From Uncle Bad

warnings: !swearing!, !mentions of violence!, !use of nicknames!

Dream

Dream was keeping a close eye on you playing out in the fields while he sharpened his axe in the cool shadow of a blooming willow tree.

He barely catches a glimpse of you stumbling over your own feet, but as he'd learned, you rarely cried over things like that. But what he heard next, wasnt something he expected.

His head snaps up in full attention when he hears the word leave your mouth, "Fuck!" you had schreeched as you scraped your knees on the muddy ground.

He immediately discarded his axe on the ground, and walked over to you, still in pure and utter shock.

"Little flower, where did you learn that word?" he kneeled beside you, trying his best to contain his inner disappointment and anger torwards whoever taught his child swear words.

You had looked up at him, slightly confused at his sudden interest before you answered his still waiting question "Uncle Bad said it when he hurt his hand on the stove, last weekend when he was watching me"

Dream had blinked at you for a few seconds in utter disbelief, he was about to call you out on lying. Before he remembered that you didnt know any better than to always tell the truth.

After a small discussion where he explained why you couldnt use that word, he left you to Sapnap and George, and headed torwards Bad's house where they would soon have a long talk.

Sapnap

You would be with him, while he is trading in the nether. You usually tend to stick close to him as to not anger the piglins, or get lost.

However, this time while he was trading with you behind him, clinging to his pant leg. A piglin approached you, and as you did not like the intimidating look it was giving you, you hissed at the piglin "Fuck off!"

Sapnap choked on nothing, and immediately slapped a hand over your tiny mouth "hey buddy, don't say that word!.." he chuckled nervously as the piglins eyed him disapprovingly.

After you two got back into the overworld, he lifted you onto his shoulders "where did you learn that word" he had asked you, and you answered with a simple shrug "i heard grandpa say it while i was over at his and skeppy's house"

Sapnap had bursted into laughter the moment he heard this, "thats pretty funny, but don't say that word anymore. People are gonna think i taught you that" he gave an over exaggerated sob for dramatic effect, as you giggled.

Awesamdude

He had been working at the prison nonstop for weeks on end, and as much as he hated to not be able to spend time with you, there was not much he could do.

The biggest suprise was when he was sitting at the front desk, when he heard familiar yelling and pounding on the prison gates. At first he was cautious, but once the next words left your mouth "open the motherfucking door, Awesamdad!" his gaze darkened as he opened the gates, pondering who taught his young child such foul language.

Awesamdude wasnt usually one to care about swearing, but when the case was about his own child thats a no no.

He let you into the prison arms crossed, staring you down as you had no idea how much trouble you were in. "why do you come into my work screaming those bad words at the gates?" he stared you down.

"bad words?" you expressed your confusion "it cant be a bad word, cause uncle Bad said it, and he doesnt use bad language" you crossed your arms proudly over your chest, mimicking your father.

He chuckled quietly "i see.. Well uncle Bad is gonna get a long talk after im done with work"

Philza

He had not planned on adopting anymore children after Tommy (and technically Tubbo), but here he was, in the middle of the tundra, a wanted war criminal, with a child.

He was confident that no bad influences would come to you after the fall of l'manburg, since the only people you two lived with were Techno and Ranboo. And occasionally Niki would show up as well.

So he was in utter and pure shock and disbelief when he heard you shout "fuck!" at the top of your lungs, after falling over while Techno was teaching you how to spar.

Techno immediately dismissed Phil's suspicion torwards him, saying he wouldn't swear in the presence of the child in question. Phil had questioned you in a serious matter, asking who taught you that word, he had his suspicions but he was definitely caught off guard as you mentioned Bad's name.

He had already tried to keep you away from the demon, because of all the mans weird connections with the egg cult and other weird shit. And he didn't even know you had met Bad. He just dismissed it and told you to not talk to that man again, which you happily obliged.

Jschlatt

Schlat wasn't necessarily like other parents, he wasnt the best parent either. So it wouldn't be surprising if you had learned most of your bad influences from him. But besides all those odds, your first curse word wasnt from him.

He already had alot of issues, he wasnt at all fit to lead a country, and his alcohol problems had a vice-like grip on his life. So when he heard you cursing under your breath as you scribbled on paper in his office one day, he simply lifted his brow.

"where'd you learn that, Pumpkin?" he hummed, dismissing his more important paperwork aside.

As stated before, he wasnt necessarily a good parent, he was just simply intrigued on how you knew that language at your age. And more interested in who taught you that, since you weren't allowed to leave the white house without him or Quackity.

And if it turned out to be Quackity who taught you that (which wouldn't be that surprising), he swears he'd had that fuckers head.

He may not have paid alot of attention to you growing up, but he did care about you. Even if he didn't show it. So it wasn't a joke when he said he'd have the person's head who taught his kid swear words.

You had simply turned to him "that scary guy with the horns and white eyes said it while i was on a walk with Mr. Quackity" you hummed, then immediately turning back into your drawings.

Schlatt blinked at you in disbelief, before bursting into laughter "oh that demon fucker?! He bothers everyone else on their language and then swears infront of a child?" he took a deep inhale to calm his laughter, before his eyes turned dark "the nerve.."

--------------------------------------------

I was gonna do more characters, but this is already long enough. Hope everyone liked this, and my requests are still open! <3

#dsmp #dsmp x reader #dsmp x you #mcyt x reader #mcyt x y/n #mcyt x you #mcyt fanfiction #minecraft #platonic dream smp x reader #platonic #dream x reader #sapnap x reader #awesamdude x reader #philza x reader #jschlatt x reader #schlatt x reader #mcyt fluff

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dearbaji · 3 years

Text

Taiju x Pregnant Reader Headcanons

Requested! Long so there's more after the cut!

CW: slightly suggestive for 2 points but not really, female reader

As soon as you found out you were pregnant, Taiju was filled to the brim with joy

Taiju views a new baby as his chance at redemption

He promises you that he'll be the best father he can

Throughout your whole pregnancy he treats you like you're made of glass

During your first trimester he gets you whatever you ask for

Rubs your back when you have morning sickness

Offers you his shoulder to lay on if you’re tired

Starts looking at parenting books

Reaches out to Hakkai and Yuzuha

Wants them to be in his child's life

During your second trimester he starts telling people you’re pregnant

Buys the parenting books, including the mom and baby ones

Compares the size of your baby to fruits

“Babe, he’s the size of this apple right now”

Believes the baby is a boy

Whenever he greets you he’ll say “how’s my beautiful wife and son”

If you scold him, he’ll just tell you that you could be having a boy, and if it’s not this time then next time

Gets whatever you’re craving, even at 3am

Finds your mood swings kinda funny

Tries to estimate how much bigger your chest will get so he can surprise you with new bras

Didn't know know your original bra size so he was way off, but you appreciate the effort

When you complain about your boobs hurting he’ll offer to massage them

If you say no he’ll offer another solution

Buys you special lotions to help ease your muscles and make your stomach less itchy

If you complain about stretch marks he’ll reassure you that they’re beautiful

Starts talking to your stomach, mostly at night when he thinks you’re asleep

“Your mom and I love you so much little one”

“When you’re old enough I’ll get you whatever car you want, even if it’s a sports car. Don’t tell your mom ok? It’s a secret between you and me”

He’ll fall asleep with a hand on your stomach

Sometimes sneaks his hand under your shirt to hold you

When the baby kicks he’ll smile at you

“You recognize your dad’s voice already? So smart”

Attends breathing classes with you, even though he doesn't understand them

Goes with you to doctors appointments

Holds your hand the entire time

His face lights up when he sees your baby on the monitor

You both agreed to do a gender reveal at the baby shower so the doctor puts it into an envelope and you give it to Taiju (so you don’t sneak a peek)

Taiju ends up giving it to one of his most trusted worker so he doesn’t sneak a peek either

During your third trimester he throws you a baby shower

Hakkai and Yuzuha show up, Hakkai says he’s there to support his family, Yuzuha says she’s there for you and the baby (and because Hakkai wanted to come)

Taiju is just over the moon that his whole family is together

When it’s time for the gender reveal, he stands next to you, holding you close

You each have a confetti cannon in hand

After the countdown you both set them off

No matter what the color is he drops the canon and hugs you

He’ll pick you up during the hug then realize that your back probably hurts, so he’ll put you down gently and rock you side to side

If it’s a boy he won’t say “I told you so”

Instead he’ll probably yell “that's my boy!”

If it’s a girl he’ll wait until the baby shower is over to verbally react

Not that it’s bad, he just didn’t want anyone but you to see him this soft

Kisses your stomach and says “I can’t wait to meet you princess”

Helps you put on your shoes, but will probably buy you special slippers

He does that belly lifting thing guys do to relieve the pressure on your back

When you’re both fixing the nursery, he insists that you sit in the rocking chair

He builds the crib, paints the walls, literally does everything that requires strenuous work

You’re sitting there folding clothes and hanging up stuff

Diapers, wipes, toys, etc. are next to the closet, he says he’ll deal with them later

When you mention cramps he starts to panic inwardly

Takes you to the emergency room and demands a doctor sees you

When a doctor does see you, they inform you that you’re not in labor, it’s just Braxon-Hicks

He calms down but is still worried

If you’re on bed rest, he waits on you hand and foot

If he can’t be there for some reason he’ll ask one of his siblings or the worker from before to help you

He treats you to a spa day before your delivery date, has them come to you though, he doesn't want to risk anything

When it came time for you to deliver he makes sure the doctors and nurses listen to you, and that you listen to them

Holds your hand the whole time (except for when he fell asleep on the couch next to your bed)

He might seem calm but he’s freaking out on the inside

He’s religious so he’ll probably start praying before it’s time for the baby to be delivered

If you’re pushing, he’s encouraging you and counting, letting you crush his hand

If it’s a C-section, he’s all suited up in protective gear, sitting next to your head

If it’s a water birth, he’s in swim trunks sitting behind you in the water, kissing your shoulders

He’ll take peeks every now and then to see what the doctor’s doing

The first time his baby cries he’s so overcome with emotion he starts crying

He cuts the umbilical cord like the proud father he is

Holding his baby close to his chest, he'll keep talking to them

"Hi little one, you wanna see your mama?"

He'll give the baby to you and you'll do skin to skin

While you're sleeping, he'll hold them again with his shirt off to get more skin to skin

The baby's middle name would probably be a variation of his mom's name

If the baby cries for anything he’s on his feet in 0.001 seconds

He’s thankful to you for giving him a second chance at having a family

Tries his best not to mess up

Rules

#taiju x reader #taiju shiba x reader #taiju headcanons #taiju shiba headcanons #tokyo revengers headcanons #tokyo revengers x reader #taiju fluff #taiju shiba fluff

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scenesofobx · 2 years

Text

Misread Situations

Part 1

Summary: Your boyfriend gets jealous when he sees you catching up with a friend and he doesn't react well, at all.

AN: Thought I needed a Canon Rafe fic for some realism. This series won't encourage toxic and abusive relationships, but instead show how leaving them is an important step to make, a difficult but an important one.

Warnings: mentions of violence, punching, choking, manipulation, abuse, bruises

Word Count: 2.7k

I had been dating Rafe Cameron for three months now. He came from a rich and powerful family, he never had to work as hard as others on the island. Now, I'm not judging him, I had the same luxury that he did. My father was good friends and business parters with Ward and my mother was best friends with Rose, and would often help her out with interior decorating for her show houses. My parents worked hard to provide me with the opportunities that they never got to have while growing up and I was thankful for them.

The Cameron's and the Y/L/N's were two families with strong ties bonding them together. It was destined in the stars for Rafe and I to get together at some point to "continue the legacy" as Ward had put it.

When I got together with Rafe, everything was perfect. He was always gentle and kind with me, well almost always... let's just say that he had one hell of a short fuse.

When we'd started dating his temper had been kept under wraps and it'd stayed that way until one night at the boneyard when the infamous JJ Maybank and I were catching up.

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that while my boyfriend hated the Pogues with every fibre of his very Kooky being, I didn't mind them, you could even call the Pogues and I friends. Kiara and I were good friends. Her, Sarah and I had all been best friends during her Kook year at the academy, when they had their falling out I refused to choose sides and thankfully neither of them minded. Sarah and I were best friends, we told each other everything, had weekly sleepovers where we'd sneak a bottle of wine into her room and watch 90's and early 2000's romcoms for hours on end. Sarah was the sister that I'd never had and Kie was too. I would meet Kie every Saturday to go surfing with her and the rest of the Pogues, which was something Rafe didn't like but he had quickly dropped the topic when I countered that I would stop surfing with them if he stopped playing golf with Topper and Kelce. He then magically agreed that we needed our own space on Saturday's to do what we wanted. Now it didn't mean that he wouldn't ask me a million questions when I got home but it meant I got some "me time" on Saturday's with my friends and I was grateful for that.

Anyway, back to the boneyard, J and I were catching up, joking about how I'd fallen off my board numerous times on our past Saturday session.

"Clealy you need beginners lessons if you're falling that many times in an hour" JJ said, laughing at the memory.

"Okay", I let out a short but humour filled laugh, "First of all.. ouch", I playfully punched his arm in reply to his playful sibling banter, "Second of all, I'm going to get you back next week, reclaim my spot on top!", I was confident to catch more waves than the blonde Pogue.

"I'll see it when I believe it Y/N//N!", he laughed at my silliness, I don't think he believes I could beat him and I mean fair, I didn't think I could either if I'm being honest but a little playful banter never hurt anybody... right?

Right?

Wrong.

Before my eyes had even witnessed what was going on and before my brain could fully register it, my boyfriend was on top of JJ, punching him continuously. JJ was of course fighting back, he wasn't one to back up from a fight.

When my brain had finally decided to function as it should, I started yelling, "Rafe, stop!", Kelce was holding me back, stopping me from physically getting involved.

"Please Rafe, come on...", I pleaded with him, desperation clear in my voice, and at that... the punching stopped, John B and Pope helped JJ up while Topper helped Rafe. Once he was up, Rafe walked over to me, not saying a word, yanking my arm harshly and leading us to his truck.

"Ouch Rafe, you're hurting me", I whispered, trying to free myself from his tight grip. He didn't budge.

When we at least reached the truck, he pushed me harshly against the door, I let out a small groan of pain at the action. I looked up at him, fear present in my eyes at how he could be so violent towards me, "I don't want you flirting with JJ again, you understand?"

"I- Rafe, what are you- what are you talking about? I was speaking to him, I never flirted!", I said with confusion laced in my voice at how he thought I was flirting, I wasn't and he didn't get to accuse me of it.

"I know what I saw Y/N!", his grip on my arm tightened, I winced at the pain.

"Clealy you don't because I wasn't flirting with him!", I was getting hurt now, both physically and emotionally. His grip on my arm was yet to loosen and I could feel a bruise forming.

"Are you trying to say that I'm lying to you? Huh?", he took his free hand and grabbed my neck tightly, "Is that what you're trying to say to me!?", his voice was increasing in volume with every word he spoke, he was getting all up in my face now too. I had never been as scared of anything as I was of him right now.

"I was jo- joking around with him. Rafe, we didn't... we didn't flirt, it was.... friendly banter... nothing more", I was struggling to speak properly with his painful grip on my neck.

"So you do think I'm lying, well that's great, that's fucking wonderful", his grip on my arm disappeared, but the pain lingered and it never once faltered. I let my hands fly up to neck, trying to forcibly remove his hand from around it. He had his other hand, the one that had previously been gripping my arm, running through his dishevelled hair, "My girlfriend jokes around with other guys and then calls me a liar, that's fucking perfect!", he slammed his hand on the truck, right next to my head, causing me to flinch.

"Rafe, you- you're scaring me!", my voice was barely above a whisper, I felt the air that remained in my lungs running out and with his ridiculously tight grasp I couldn't get much oxygen in. A tear rolled down my cheek, my emotions were on absolute full blast right now.

"Oh baby. I'm scaring you? Hmm? I'm so sorry then, how could I do such a thing?", his voice was dripping in utter sarcasm. He wiped away the tear that had fallen, the only kind thing he had done for the last fifteen minutes that I'd been in his presence.

I felt myself looking consciousness, I needed him to let go and I needed him to do it now, I just didn't know how to snap him out from this.

"I just- I can't get over the fact that you'd call me a liar, if anyone here is the liar it's you", his grip was even tighter than it had been before, "I clearly saw you flirting and you want to call it friendly banter, friendly my ass Y/N"

I then realised that the only way to get him to let go and for me to get away from him is to actually have to lie to him and tell him that he was right.

"You- You're right... I did flirt with JJ", my voice was barely audible now. My head was spinning and the world was getting blurier as time passed. I had multiple tears running down my cheeks now, I looked into his eyes, not recognising the person they belonged to but pleading with him to let me go regardless.

His grip on my neck completely faded, my cold hands softly positioned on my neck to remove some of the heat from the constant pressure that was put on it. I was coughing a lot, trying to get even a sliver of oxygen into my lungs.

"See baby, was it that difficult to admit?", now as much as I wanted to tell him to piss off, I couldn't, because then I'd be back in the same position I'd just removed myself from, so I played along with his psychotic game.

"No, it wasn't", I spoke as clearly as my body was allowing me to. I'd never been in this much physical pain before, I still felt like I couldn't breathe, my neck was on fire and my arm already had a bruise forming. I didn't even want to imagine what my neck looked like right now. I couldn't stop coughing, it was my body's natural reaction to having my airways cut off for so long. Before I knew it I was rushing to the nearby shrubs and expelling all of my stomachs contents. Rafe came up behind me and rubbed my back gently, "it's okay, you're going to be okay", I flinched at his touch and didn't even try to hide it, he noticed and decided to say something about it, to try clear his name of the awful thing he'd just done.

"I'm so sorry baby, I didn't mean to hurt you like that, you just... seeing you with him threw me off, you just infuriated me so much, I didn't mean to hurt you, I love you!", he was getting teary eyed now, someone get this man an Oscar, he clearly deserves it. I can't fathom how just a minute ago he was draining all form of life from my body and now he's saying that he didn't mean to do it, that he loved me.

"Rafe, I- I can't do this right now, I just- I gotta go home", I felt empty inside, lifeless, I wasn't thinking that clearly, not how I normally would but if I knew one thing, it's that I wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

"Okay... let me drop you at home", to say I was surprised that he didn't argue back is an understatement.

"No, um... it's fine, I'll grab a lift with Sarah"

"Okay, just... be safe, alright?"

"I will be", 'as long as you're not around' is what I wanted to add but I thought twice about that and decided to just be short so I could leave. I started walking away from him but I felt a hand grip my own, I was spun around and he placed a kiss to my cheek.

"I love you Y/N/N"

"... I love you too", I did, that's the fucked up thing, I did love him but right now my hate for him outshone that.

At that I turned around and walked away, when I got far away enough from his watchful eye, I wiped my cheek with my hoodie's sleeve, trying to rid myself of any thought of him. I pulled the hood of my hoodie up and tightened the strings, trying to hide the evidence of what had happened in the time what I was gone.

When I got back to the boneyard, only the main 4 Pogues and Sarah were left. I thought of asking Sarah to drop me at home but I knew she would probably convince me to stay at hers and that's the last thing I wanted, and if I'm being honest, I didn't want to face even the sliver of a chance that my parents were awake and would see the bruises.

"Hey, I thought you left with Rafe", Sarah questioned.

"Hey... no, I, uh- I didn't. We um, we had a fight so..."

"Oh, I'm so sorry love", Sarah pulled me into a warm, comforting hug.

"Thanks honey", I pulled back from the hug and smiled at her.

"You need a ride home?"

"No, all good. Thank you, though! I'm just going to crash at Kie's"

"Alright, let me know if you need anything, yeah?"

"Yeah, promise."

"Love you Y/N/N"

"Love you too buttercup" I called her by the nickname she's called others numerous times.

At that, she let out a small laugh and started walked away.

"Oh Sarah!", I called out after her, she turned around with a questioning look on her face, prompting me to continue, "if Rafe asks, please say that you're not sure where I am"

Her eyebrows shot up, she knew whatever the fight was about was bad, really bad if I didn't want him finding me, she simply nodded and gave me a half smile. She turned around and headed home.

I walked up to sit on the logs beside the bonfire, or what was left of it at least. I sat right next to Kie, she rested her head on my shoulder and whispered, "You're welcome to stay with me as long as you need", she could read me like a book, I guess that's what many years of friendship does. "Thanks Kie" I rested my head on top of hers.

"You okay Y/N/N? The way Rafe grabbed you had me worried", JJ broke the silence that had settled around the fire.

"Yeah... I'm okay", I cleared my throat to stop the tears that were begging to fall, "Thank you J!"

"Of course"

"So, you crashing at the chateau with us?", John B asked me.

"Yeah, if you're cool with that", I was really hoping he was.

"You're always welcome, you know that!", his usual warm and comforting smile was present on his face.

"I really appreciative that", I smiled back at him, it was smaller, but it was there.

The boys put the fire out and gathered the kegs while Kie and I took two trash bags and cleared up all of the empty red cups that were scattered across the boneyard.

When we were done we walked back to the chateau, John B took his room (well his dad's), Kie and I took what JJ had made his room and Pope and JJ took the pullout.

One thing I never thought about is how Kie and I weren't shy, we'd get dressed around each other all the time, we had all our lives. So when I took my pants, hoodie and t-shirt off leaving me in just my bra and underwear, I'd forgotten about the quick forming handprint shaped bruises on my arm and neck.

"What the fuck?", Kie basically yelled out.

"What?", I asked confused as to what she was so shocked about.

"Your neck... did Rafe do that?"

My eyes went wide and my hands flew to my neck trying to hide what he had done.

"I- no, I-", I tried to come up with an excuse, I was scouring my brain for one but I kept coming up blank.

"Y/N/N...", she came up to come me and gently pulled me into the most comforting, emotion filled hug I think I've had in my entire life.

I had no defence, I couldn't find anything to point the finger at anyone but Rafe, he had the motive to do this, he'd seen me (his girlfriend) talking to a guy who wasn't him, a guy who was known to have quite the flirtatious history with people of the opposite sex. People saw him harshly yank me away from the boneyard and now when I'd come back about half an hour later, I was covered in bruises in the shape of his hand. So I didn't, I didn't defend him. I never felt the desire to defend his actions or to accept his half-assed apology.

I just let Kie hug me, she helped me into a oversized shirt of JJ's so I could sleep comfortably. I took my bra off through the sleeves of the shirt, Kie doing the same, except Kie had actual pajamas here, she knew she'd be staying over, I on the other hand of course didn't, I expected to be in my boyfriend's bed, in his arms, sleeping peacefully while he snored beside me. Instead I had Kie's soft snores to lull me to sleep and while I was beyond mad at my boyfriend, hurt in more ways than one, I still wished that the person beside me right now was him, and that terrified me.

Part 2 will be posted next week <3

Taglist: @storytellingwitht @dreamsinshadesofblue

#obx #obx netflix #obx angst #obx imagine #rafe obx #rafe x y/n #rafe x you #rafe x reader #rafe cameron #rafe fanfiction #rafe fic #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x kook!reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x reader #imagine #rafe outer banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks

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nightowlwriting · 3 years

Text

summary: steve is acting weird. avoiding you, being snippy and mean, leaving the room when you enter. all you want is your boyfriend back, but all he wants is to pretend you don't exist. when he's almost hurt on a mission, you do what you're made to do.

word count: 11k

reader specifics: no race/gender/sexuality/body type mentioned, no pronouns for reader used, powered!reader, insecure!reader

warnings: steve is mean to the reader in the beginning, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, canon-level violence, brief ptsd symptoms, slight description of blood, brief mention of racism in the '30s & '40s

brief mentions of: reader's parents being toxic, homelessness, past accidents, ableism in the past & present

note: this one hurt me lmfao. idk why this went the way it did but i'm not mad at it // also i am a queer, trans, disabled american. i have fundamental disagreements with things that marvel/the mcu as it stands for and some of the more nuanced things that you might not notice unless you're looking for it. this will take place in my writing because i cannot separate myself from the lens in which i consume/create content.

title credit: lil nas x

mobile masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3

Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his. Sure - he’s clever, righteous, courteous… You can’t forget he’s also drop-dead gorgeous because every trashy gossip magazine in a three-state radius of New York doesn’t let you forget. Neither does the sight of him waking up in your bed every morning. (Well, actually, maybe that would remind you if he was still fucking doing that.)

But lately, you’ve had to rely on the fucking tabloids to catch a glimpse of your super-hero boyfriend. The university class you had picked up on a whim at the end of the summer - Life & Times of the ‘30s and ‘40s - avoids any mention of Steve Rogers and the Howling Commandos. Not that your classmates do because, Christ on a bike, those magazines manage to catch pictures of you and Steve in moments that you don’t even remember. Plus, you’re an Avenger too. It’s bound to catch some attention when you waltz into a college classroom.

You’re sure if you were an undergrad trying to fill a gen-ed requirement and were sitting next to someone who could kill you without blinking but also dating Captain Rogers you’d be a little distracted too. You try not to blame your classmates too much, but they do make it hard to concentrate with their -really dating Captain America?- and -wonder if I could get an autograph- whispers. None of that matters because you’re learning, really studying, in between missions and missing Steve and believing that maybe the gossip reporters are right.

Maybe he’s forgotten about you.

You grit your teeth and push the thought away. It does you no good right now, while you’re training with Peter. He’s working his way up to bona fide missions and, because you’re the only one on the team who has experience with real-life teenagers outside of saving their lives, it’s up to you to get him to the level that he needs to be. Plus, the mission where he’s going to get his gills wet is just you, Tony, Steve, Nat, and Bucky. You’d much rather be the one to train him because you won’t traumatize him.

Right now, though, you’re just kicking his ass to try and get rid of some of the tension in your body. You feel a little bad about it, but when you started as his mentor you told him point-blank that you’d never go easy on him. That meant if you were having a bad day he either needed to up his game or he’d have a bad day too. It appears he’s taken that to heart as he struggles to dodge the hits you’re throwing his way. He lunges out of the way when you try to land a right hook but practically walks into the leg sweep that sends him crashing to the ground.

“Awe,” Peter groans, letting his guard down. You take the momentary lapse of focus to grab him by the collar of the hoodie he’s wearing and haul him to his feet, jerking one fist back to cold-clock him but he beats you to it. You hear the sound of your nose cracking before you feel it but then the pain rushes you all at once. You’ve had worse but coming from Peter, the move surprises you. You don’t yell out but he does when you push him away from you and call the fight off. Peter practically yelps your name, hands up by his head as he watches you bend at the waist, both hands over where your nose is absolutely gushing blood. “I am so sorry, I just reacted-!”

“It’s fine, Pete,” You shake your head and stand straight again, the blood beginning to leak through your fingers, “Just go get me a towel, okay?” Peter practically trips over his feet to get something for your nose and as you track him on his way into the locker rooms, you see Steve, Bucky, and Nat. The latter are looking your way, eyebrows raised like they’re asking you if you’re okay. Steve hasn’t even broken stride in his conversation so you wave them off with a bloody hand. Peter’s back in a flash, pressing a wet towel into your grasp and snapping you out of your self-pity party. “It was a good hit,” You compliment as you wipe your face off, “I just wasn’t expecting it. Prob’ly wouldn't have landed it if I had.”

He wrings his hands, shifting from foot to foot. “I’m sorry-”

“It’s a good thing, Peter, means you’re getting better.” You deadpan, checking to see if your nose has stopped bleeding yet, “I don’t think you actually broke it, but I’ll go down to medical to check later.” You do your best to clean up your hands with the wet towel, but it’s so soaked with your blood that it mostly just smears it around. You grimace and shake your head. “Well, I should go now before our sparring match ends up looking like I murdered you.”

“I’ll go with,” He offers, “I’m the one who broke your nose.” You let Peter walk you down to medical even though you were originally going to refuse. Perhaps petty, but it was the way that Steve didn’t even look your way as you left that made you let the teenager walk you the two floors to where you’d be able to clean yourself up. He hums in the elevator and you know that he wants to ask you something - it’s the way he holds his mouth when he’s prying for information or keeping a secret that tips you off. Finally, just before the elevator opens, you sigh and turn to him.

“What, Peter?” He grins but then it falls when he has to skitter after you down the hall. Maybe that’s why it falls - the question he asks next nearly sends you to your ass.

“Is everything okay with you and Captain Rogers?” He easily catches up to you when you stop in your tracks, ignoring that you’re still bleeding a little bit down your face and you might be dripping blood everywhere from where it’s run down your arms.

“What?” You do your best to look confused like everything is fine, but Peter is perceptive. He may fumble around and be pretty awkward, but those are really just teenager things that he’ll hopefully outgrow. You should have known that when someone caught onto how bad things are on your end, it would be Peter. (You wonder if Nat or Bucky has brought it up with Steve, considering he’s spent more time with them in the past week than he’s seen you in the past month.) “We’re fine.” Your words are stilted as you begin walking to the medical wing much faster than before.

“I just thought I’d ask, well, because I’ve sort of noticed… Something just seems off, you know? Like, you two used to spend a lot of time together, and maybe it’s the recon mission coming up, but I was just thinking that you two really barely look at each other even when you’re in the same -”

“Peter!” You say his name much louder than either of you expected and both of you jump. “Peter,” You say softer, looking at the glass door to the medical wing instead of him, “Just leave it, okay? It’s nothing you have to worry about, kid.” Peter ducks around to open the door, forcing you to look at him. “He’s just focused on his stuff and I’m focused on getting you whipped into shape for this mission. We only have two days.” Once you’re inside and surrounded by the medical crew Tony keeps on staff, he thankfully drops it. You love Peter, you do, but it’s a lot like having a little brother. You can only love them so much before you want to fucking strangle them. Eventually, as the doctor checks to make sure he hasn’t broken your nose, you have to order him away to go study or something. “I’ll join you later,” You promise him as the doctor prods at your tender flesh, “I have an essay due soon.”

That’s another thing that’s been bugging you that Peter surely picked up on. Nearly everybody knew you were taking a course at the local community college, but nobody knew what it was about. You’d wanted to keep it a secret until you told Steve, but the day you had registered he’d flown out for a two-week mission without telling you or saying goodbye. After that, you decided it didn’t really matter if anyone knew what class you were taking, and keeping it a secret sort of spiraled from there. If they wanted to know they could look it up. Maybe it was petty, but you just wanted the class to be over and done with so you could forget that you really only picked it up so you relate to your boyfriend more.

If you can even call Steve your boyfriend anymore. You’re not so sure where you stand and, honestly, you’re really close to giving up on the relationship as a whole but you can’t do that. Before you were dating, you were friends, and Steve… He never gave up on you. Not once. How could you repay him by giving up on your relationship? The one that you thought was The One? Even if it hurts, even if you’re unsure more than sure these days, how could you? Somewhere, though, you know you deserve better. You don’t deserve the sinking, dark feeling that lingers in your gut for most of your days now or the way that you second-guess every move you make - even in the field. It’s dangerous but you can’t do anything to fix it.

You’re too scared. You know that eventually, it will happen, he’ll break up with you, but you’d like to put that day off for as long as possible. To relish in the love he once had for you, how pure and powerful it was. You’re sure that you’ll never experience anything like that again.

Hell, you might never fall in love again.

Those thoughts don’t do anything to help you, though, so you try not to have them. You get clearance from the doctor and get cleaned up as much as you can without taking a full body shower. The idea to go back to your room and take one crosses your mind but you know that Steve’s probably done training, probably heading back for his own shower, and you don’t want to open that can of worms. Instead, you go to the common room and drop into the couch between Peter and Tony. They’re talking about something something science something something, but you pull your stack of books and notebooks out from the shelf underneath the coffee table and continue outlining your essay from where you left off. The assignment was focused on how the end of WW1 changed American life and then how life changed leading up to and during WW2 but that had hit a little too close to home for you, so you’re writing about the racial tension and overall racism of the times. Tony and Peter keep talking over your back and then you hear footsteps heading toward the common room.

You barely look up when they enter - Nat and Bucky - because it’s fine. It’s normal. They’re just two of Steve’s best friends, that’s all, nothing to be jumpy about. You don’t even register that emotional pain that hits when you realize that, yeah, you’re not one of his best friends anymore. You doubt you’re even considered a friend in his book.

You groan and lean back into the couch, bringing your study materials with you. Peter glances over, skimming over your page and a half of shorthand, and gags. “Jesus, can you write like a normal person?”

“Oh, sorry,” You say lazily, not looking up as you continue to scribble in your incomprehensible code, “I do forget that some of us had privacy at home.” You lift your lips just a little bit to let Peter know you’re kidding, looking up at him through your lashes as you slouch next to him. He looks red in the face. “Besides, once you have to start doing mission reports you’ll be begging me to learn my shorthand and use my stenography machine.”

“I keep telling you that I can update that ol’ thing,” Tony draws your attention. For the first time, you realize that Nat and Bucky are on the loveseat looking at you expectantly. Steve is standing in the corner over their shoulder reading a book from the bookshelf in front of him. His back is tense and he looks like he’s not reading, just listening. You force your eyes back to Tony on your right and shake your head.

“No, because then you’d know my shorthand and it makes me too happy to see you spend hours trying to decipher it.” His eyes wander to your essay again, trying to find any patterns that he can use to figure out what the hell you’re writing on anything ever. He’s opening his mouth to make a smart-ass remark that will no doubt lift some of the weight off of your shoulders when another voice speaks up.

“Wow,” Steve doesn’t even look at you even as he says your name sardonically, “Way to be a team player.” Your mind comes to a screeching halt, trying to figure out what the fuck he’s playing at. Even Bucky and Nat look surprised at the cold way he spoke to you, Tony and Peter both gasping from your side. You can’t say anything, throat tight and burning with tears as you stare at your boyfriend with raised eyebrows. What do you say to that? How do you respond? You know it wasn’t a joke because he’s not laughing, not smiling, not even looking up from that fucking book in his hands. You can’t tell if you’re more hurt or embarrassed, but either way, you don’t want to stick around for someone to get the nerve to say something.

Instead of replying, you slam your textbooks shut and bundle everything into your arms. You doubt Steve even notices that you’re making such a hasty retreat but if he does, he doesn’t say a fucking thing. You feel like you’re in high school - practically running through an empty hallway with your notebooks and textbooks pressed to your chest, trying not to cry. It’s ridiculous. You’re a trained assassin, you’re an Avenger, you are strong and powerful and yet… And yet. You’ve given so much of your heart and soul to Steve Rogers that he can knock you down eight pegs without even trying. Without even looking at you. You can’t wait to go on this fucking recon mission, where you can put all of your focus on making sure Peter is doing okay and gathering the intel. Where you can stop thinking about how easily Steve Rogers seems to be pushing you to the side.

You spend the next two days writing your essay, ignoring almost everyone, and working on your essay. On the day of the recon mission, you’re running out the door for your eight a.m lecture, printed essay in hand, and reminding Tony that he promised to pick you up on campus after class for the mission.

You’re lucky that you went, too. You hadn’t counted on the professor making everyone stand up and tell the class the subject of their essays - didn’t realize that it would be twenty-five percent of the grade on the paper. You’ll never understand college professors and the weird shit they do, but the class is informative and entertaining. He goes around the room, starting on the opposite side of you, so you’ll be last. Great.

Several students did their papers on the propaganda of the time, one student was brave and did her essay on the ethical dilemma of the super-soldier serum and eugenics, and most of the other students focused on pop culture and how it changed. When your professor looks at you it’s almost like he’s expecting you to have done nothing but fawn over Steve and Bucky, considering you know them personally. He looks surprised when you clear your throat, stand and say: “I focused on the casual and institutional racism that faced non-white Americans at the time.” You almost preen when he looks impressed and then the shame fills you. It’s just… You want Steve to be proud of you. You want him to congratulate you on going back to school, even if it’s just for one class. You want him to be happy and surprised that he was the inspiration for taking the class.

Though, lately, the class has been more for you than for him. You like learning new things, pushing the boundaries of assignments, making people uncomfortable with the truth of the times you’re studying as told to you by two people who lived it. It’s nice. Normal.

Everyone needs a little bit of normal.

But, honestly, normal is fucking boring. By the time your class is over and you’re handing in your essay it’s like ants are crawling over your skin. A combination of nerves from the upcoming mission, a head full of fog from whatever is happening with Steve, and a little bit of fear at the thought of taking Peter into the field has you bolting for the door the moment your essay is taken from you. You’d worn your tac-suit underneath a pair of baggy sweats and a loose hoodie, so you don’t even bother slowing down as you head toward the car that Tony has waiting for you. He’s in the front seat, grinning at you from underneath his aviators and Peter is driving.

You slip into the backseat without thinking or looking at who’s there, tossing your bag in the back and peeling your hoodie off. “God, Tone, we’re goin’ to die before we even get to the mission with Petey driving.” You toss your hoodie back to join your bag and finally see who’s sitting next to you.

Of course, it’s Steve. He’s looking at you - but not really. He’s looking through you, like he can’t stand that you’re both crammed in the backseat of Tony’s electric car. His gaze catches you and holds you in place. Everything around you goes cold and fuzzy, making you miss Peter’s indignant complaining that he has his license so he should be able to drive… And then Steve scoffs and looks out his window, ignoring you. It stings but you have a job to do. You make some witty retort back to Peter, but it falls flat as you struggle out of your sweats. This is what life is, you think. Relationships aren’t meant to be forever - you learned that at a young age.

Until your accident at fifteen, you had watched your parents run out of helium, their relationship expanding and cooling in arguments, in days spent not talking, in trips to your grandparents without the other, in passive-aggressive computer searches for divorce attorneys left open for anyone to see. Then, after you were trapped between those machines - after you spent hour after agonizing hour with electricity pressing between your atoms, being torn apart and rebuilt as a young god - after that day you watched them expand against each other before the neutron core of their relationship collapsed on itself and the resulting supernova sent you to the streets. But then Fury found you. Then Tony, then Nat, then Steve.

Your parents exploded out from each other and the shockwaves ruined your life. At least now, your relationship with Steve is ending silently. There’s no explosion, no collapse, no rapid expansion to take over your cosmos. Your relationship with Steve is simply approaching the event horizon, where it will hang in the air until one of you takes the final step and you both become frozen, two collapsing objects on opposite sides of the universe. Maybe that’s what you already are. You feel so far away from him in the back of Tony’s car - like he’s eons and light-years away from you - and you feel so cold. Frozen, down to the bone. It makes you stiff in your replies to Tony and Peter, slow on the uptake when the car pulls up to the quinjet, nearing stasis and unable to respond when Nat asks if you’re okay.

Finally, you turn to look at her, nodding. “Fine,” You clear your throat, “Been a rough day.” You do your best to smile at her, but your face feels heavy. Your chest feels cold and tight, making you worry about your performance on the upcoming mission. When Peter shakes his head next to you, discreetly telling Nat not to press, you’re focused on Steve and the electricity humming in the most base part of your body.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. You turn away and force yourself to smile, throwing a weak and numb arm over Peter’s shoulders. “Are you ready for this, Pete?” You jostle him back and forth, leading him toward the sitting area behind the cockpit. “Gonna get your ass kicked?”

“Please,” He shoves you off, nervously laughing, “Not with the skills you’ve taught me.” He mimics throwing webs, making hissing noises under his breath, and you bark out a laugh, shaking your head.

“You’re payin’ my medical bills when I have to save your ass, Spidey.” You shake your head and strap in next to the wall, Peter taking the seat to your right. Tony, from the aisle across from you, points a thick finger your way.

“You don’t pay medical bills anymore,” He waggles his finger, “So you’ll just have to make him do your homework for a week.”

“Mister Stark!”

“He’ll have to earn shorthand to do your essays,” Nat chimes in from between Bucky and Steve, who are both doing their best to not look at you - or anyone really. “You willing to share that with him?”

You lean back in your seat and jab at Peter with your elbow. “Hell no, so I guess Spider-Boy better do his best.” The arachnid in question grumbles, crossing his arms and slouching in his seat.

“No pressure, right?” He complains, “Not like I’m already nervous or anything.”

“You’ll do fine, kid,” Bucky pipes up, drawing your eyes back to Steve, “It’s goin’ to be a cakewalk.”

“Don’t jinx it, Barnes,” You warn half-heartedly, tucking in on yourself, “We need this to be easy.” From the look on his face - everyone’s face, really - you know that they heard you loud and clear when you were really saying I need this to be easy.

After an uneasy laugh from Bucky, a claustrophobic silence settles over you all as the jet begins to take off. You’re in for an hour ride and plan to spend it going over battle plans with Peter when harsh whispering catches your ear. It’s Bucky and Steve nearly crushing Nat between them until she gets up and sits across from Peter, rolling her eyes. Still, you try your best to run him through the actions you both had planned - the names, the setups you needed to execute them, everything. If something happens to Peter, you’ll never forgive yourself.

And then, cutting through your soft promptings to Peter and his equally soft replies, Bucky’s voice. “Leave it, Steve. Until after this mission.” Even Tony looks up from his tablet, curiosity piqued. Their faces are both red, set hard and angry at each other and your stomach drops. What the hell is going on that Steve ‘Till The End Of The Line Rogers is fighting with Bucky You And Me, Pal Barnes? You must shift, or lean too far into Steve’s eyesight, because for the first time in what feels like years he is looking directly at you - and seeing you, too. It makes your pulse jump and, almost instinctively, you want to reach out and ground yourself on the rubber of the seat underneath you.

You don’t get the chance, though, because Steve speaks. “No, why should I? This is clearly affecting the team.” He’s still looking - glaring - at you like you’ve done something wrong. “What’s the point of waiting? I’ve been waiting to talk about this.”

“Bo, I don’t think this is the time,” Bucky looks over his shoulder at you, then, and you know what’s coming. You know that it’s time, that Steve is about to break up with you in front of your teammates. Your friends. Your family. You steel yourself for the anguish you’re about to feel and then jerk your chin out, hardening your resolve.

“Buck, it’s fine. If Steve wants to address something, he can.”

Natasha says your name, a low warning over the hum of the quinjet. “I think he should wait.”

“Well, I’m not goin’ to wait!” Steve unbuckles himself and stands, “I have tried waiting, and look at where that has gotten me.” He puts his hands on his hips and puffs out a breath. You unbuckle and stand, too, unsure of where this is going. “You need to,” He holds one hand out, pointing at you while his voice shakes. You notice his hand is shaking, too, but fractionally. If you didn’t know Steve as well as you do you may have never noticed it. “You need to get it together.”

“I need to get it together?” You question, eyebrows nearly hitting the ceiling with how fast they shoot up. You’re not totally sure you’ve heard him right because what do you have to get together? The broken shards of your relationship? The information and research for your final paper? The awful way you’ve let yourself be treated for what seems like forever?

“You heard me,” Steve says, at the same time Bucky leans his head back and groans deep in his chest. “What? Someone had to say it.”

“We should wait for this,” Nat speaks up again, but lifelessly. She knows now that you and Steve are both on the warpath, neither of you are going to stop. (That’s also why the two of you work together as a couple so well. Very rarely are you both so worked up about something that you can’t back down, so the other is always there to meet you halfway and get you back to earth.)

“No, no, no,” You say, near hysterically, “No, he wants to do this now? Before a mission? Instead of the fuckin’ weeks we had to hash whatever crawled up his ass and died out? Be my guest. He’s already dragged everyone into this by treating me like a pariah.” You’re not sneering, but your teeth are gritted so tightly together you can hear them scraping and feel a tension headache beginning to bloom in your temples. Bucky looks… Almost incredulous at your statement. Like putting the blame on Steve is a dick move or something.

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy here?” Steve is curling his lip, glaring at you. There’s something behind his eyes, but he’s buried it so deep that you can’t reach it and figure out what it is. “I’m the bad guy, right. Right, right, right.” He scoffs, shakes his head, and then he’s running his fingers through his hair like he really can’t believe what you’re saying to him.

“Well, what else am I supposed to think?” You throw your hands out to the side and let them slap back down on your thighs. “You ignore me, you make me feel like shit, you talk down to me like I’m some insignificant foot soldier. How else am I supposed to take that, Steve?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe ask me what’s wrong? Maybe ask me why I’m acting like this, instead of ignoring all of your problems like a child?” He mirrors your moments, but the sound his hands make when they hit the outside of his suit is more powerful than yours. Fueled by anger, you think. Anger and whatever the hell was in the serum Erskine pumped into Steve.

“Ask you?” You repeat, near-hysterical, “Ask you? Oh yeah, let me get right on that. Hey, Mister Rogers? Mister Captain America? Mister Ignores-His-Partner-For-God-Knows-Why? Hey, just why are you doin’ that?” You’re surprised that you’ve said something so snotty, but you don’t back down. (Steve looks surprised, too, and Bucky has stood up next to his friend like he’s about to start berating you as well. At least he looks more cautious about it, like he’s not totally sure that this fight should be happening.)

The more surprising part of your fight is how fast it’s shut down. Tony and Nat stand at the same time and exchange a glance like they’ve surprised each other. “That’s enough,” Tony starts.

Nat cuts him off. “I don’t care if you fight this one out instead of talking, but if you do it before this recon mission you two are going to blow it. Do you understand me?” She looks dangerous, the sharp edge of a knife spiraling through the air. You force yourself to look away from her, from Tony, from Bucky, from Steve. She’s right. You know she’s right - especially on this mission. Peter is there, going to be in real danger even though there’s not supposed to be one Hydra agent in a four-mile radius. You have to clear your mind and focus on protecting him.

Steve seems to think the same thing because he stands down. When you watch him collapse in on himself, Bucky’s arms around his shoulders, into the little quinjet seats your everything aches. Heart, lungs, eyes - everything. Even though you don’t know what’s going on, what could have possibly happened to make your relationship sink this quickly and out of the blue, you still love him. He’s still The One for you. You still want to be the one to comfort him and make him feel whole when he’s struggling.

But you can’t. You can’t and it kills you.

The heat of battle makes a lot of things fade into the background. Important things like why the fuck are there Hydra agents here? and Steve is going to break up with you when you get back on the jet and Tony swore on the fucking limited edition AC/DC vintage tour poster he has in his office that this would be an easy in/easy out information mission. None of that matters, though, because you’re in deep shit. There are seventeen of them, all primed to the teeth with weapons made to take your team down permanently.

You’re practically glued to Peter, calling out commands and plans for him to initiate. It’s when all of your plans fall through that you take a hit from a heavy fist on purpose, hitting the ground hard. “Plan F, Spidey, Plan F!” You cover the instruction with a groan and then you’re back on your feet, working your way toward him.

“Plan F?” Tony says, somewhere above you in his suit. Your comms crackle ominously as another heat-seeking grenade is launched, interfering with the radio waves your tech relies on. You don’t worry about it, because you know Tony is on it. He’s your eyes in the sky.

Peter is the one who answers his question, watching your close hand-to-hand tilt out of your favor briefly. “Plan Fuck It, Mister Stark.” He grunts as he webs up a Hydra agent, jerking him away from where he was about to slip a knife up and under Natasha’s kevlar. You finally drop the guy in front of you, ignoring Steve’s disappointed Language! and toss one of your knives toward Nat for her to use. Tony is still laughing in your ear, wheezing as he drops down and snags the rifle from one of the snipers and then takes back off.

What your little protégé failed to mention about Plan F is that it’s not just chaos, but controlled chaos. You let loose, letting a soft current cover every inch of your skin as Peter switches to his conductive webbing and takes special care to not web any of his allies. Except for you - if you’re in the way and he catches you in a web it doesn’t matter because you’re you, alive with electricity that drops the men that get caught in the web, too. You rip out of the webs and turn the current off when one of your teammates gets too close.

More Hydra agents are pouring out of the woods, topping out their numbers around twenty-five. That’s twenty-five too many in your opinion, especially when you can see Peter getting tired, his anxiety spiking, his moves having more and more hesitation behind them. You need to get this over with quickly, but you don’t have the options to do that. Steve, Bucky, and Nat are really the heavy-hitters - you, Pete, and Tony are the only ones without serums despite all of your individual abilities. Desperately you reach out for a web that’s still connected to Peter’s arms, pulling him out of the way of a baton that’s about to come down on the back of his neck.

The baton the agent is wielding glints in the coming dusk, freezing you as Peter scrambles past you with a quick apology. You’ve seen that before - seen it, felt it, know it like the back of your hand. There’s no way that you could ever forget that weapon. The man stumbles when his hit doesn’t connect but then rights himself and searches for a new target.

A long, black baton that splits into two prongs at the end is heavy in his hand. Electricity crackles between the bulbs at the end, flashing in the setting sun and your memories. The man only has one, but if it was hooked up to a machine, spinning. If there were four, five, six. If you were pinned between them, screaming in the pain as they rewrote your DNA… You’ve only felt it once, but you’ll never forget it.

And now, you’ll taste it again. On purpose this time. The man holding the stun baton is going for Steve’s back - his strong back, the one that protects people, the one that holds the weight of the world, the one that lays in your bed, the one you see whipping out of rooms as you’re entering just so that he doesn’t have to look at you - and you can’t let that happen. It only takes ten amps to kill a regular human, but you know those things are cranked up to twenty minimum. You don’t want to see how many amps of current it will take to stop Steve’s heart. You’re between the baton and Steve before you can think about what you’re doing or what comes next, the hard bulbs settling unyielding into your side and cranking out maximum power for maximum damage as soon as the current is connected and able to flow from one bulb to the other.

The pain hits you and your throat catches on it. It burns through your body, setting everything on fire - your chest hurts as your heart protests the electrons and then your powers kick in, sweeping them into your very atoms and cells. You’re a live wire now, ears humming and body thrumming with power you’ve only dreamed of. It hurts, and it burns, and you feel tears rising in your eyes because you’re back there - back begging for death or for life or for God and god at the same time - but then it’s over. The man sees that you’re not seizing up, not dropping dead in front of him, and he takes three steps back.

It’s not far enough.

You’ve only felt like this once before - right after you were unhooked from the machine that changed your life and brought you to your new family. You remember how you looked when you were put in front of a mirror with all of the pent up electricity circling your body - how your eyes were filled to the brim and dripping with bright and blue electricity, the way it was jumping across your body, how you didn’t need to breathe because your body was fully saturated with pure, unadulterated power. You wonder if you look like that now and assume you do because you can see the bright blue reflecting in the terrified eyes of the Hydra agent.

Your suit, unlike everyone else’s, is not grounded. It’s metal, metal, metal. You’re made to conduct, born for it, and the earth beneath you comes alive with bright white as you release all of the energy, the power, surges down and out. You’re practiced. You can reach out and feel the synapses and neurons of every human being in the clearing, know exactly where your teammates are standing, and know exactly how to target everything but them and the pitiful amount of electricity their brains carry. You grin, something truly feral and unhinged, and you can see the fear in the Hydra agent. Then, you let go.

You know that everyone is going to be pissed. (Maybe not everyone.) You’re not built for this, not made to take down nearly twenty fucking people at once. As you let go, you feel what they feel. The seizing muscles, the stopping of their hearts, the inside of their bodies crisping against their bones. At that moment, that delicious moment, you see the universe.

You become God. You become everything - your mother and your father and God and god and anyone else who’s watching your life from the ether. You become the judge, jury, and executioner of souls that you don’t know from Adam. You become lightning, and thunder, and exposed nerves of the cosmos at the same time. The world bends to your will and you relish in it, taking that power in your fist and wielding it to protect the man you’ll love for the rest of your life and the family that you’ve made. You will stop at nothing to end this, even if it means turning yourself inside out to do it.

You damn near do turn yourself inside out too, but that doesn’t matter, does it? The blood spilling from your ears, nose, and eyes feels like heaven. It’s hot, and thick, and it’s proof of the power that your body holds. You’re a temple and a sanctuary, a war-room and a bunker, a field of flowers and a sun-dry desert. It does not matter if Steve doesn’t love you at that moment, because you are love and hate wrapped into one package. You are everything and nothing, spread thin at the beginning and the end of time.

And then none of that is true. You are just… You. Standing in a clearing, surrounded by twenty-something dead Hydra agents and your terrified, terrified family. It hurts to breathe and you can taste blood in your mouth, but that’s an afterthought. Steve is still standing behind you, but he is alive. That is what matters.

This is what love is, you think.

Pain and pleasure.

Even if he leaves you, you will always love him.

Pain and pleasure.

You’re weak at the knees when he finally turns to see you - and you’re a sight. Struggling to stand, fingertips blackened with soot but not burnt, blood pouring from your nose, ears, eyes… You look like death, but you feel like life. Someone says something behind you - Peter, maybe? Or maybe Tony, in your comms? - but you don’t hear it. Everything tunnels out, your weak knees finally collapsing as you keel backward.

Steve bears down upon you almost immediately. You’re halfway to unconsciousness when he wraps you up in his arms, keeping you from falling in with the pile of bodies around you. He’s saying your name, harsh and soft and then in a voice like he’s ordering you to wake up. You loll about as he drops you down onto a patch of clear grass, hands searching your body for wounds. When he skims over your side, where the baton has burnt through your suit and your flesh, you surge back toward being able to have cohesive thoughts. The pain brings you back, hands wrapping around Steve’s arm and calling out his name. “Steve! Fuck, that hurts!”

“Honey,” He breathes, “Fuck, we have to get you back to the jet.” His jaw ticks, hair dirty and loose from its normal style. “Why’d you do that?” Steve doesn’t wait for an answer from you, ordering Peter to web something up to carry you over your protests.

“I’m fine,” You argue, only slurring slightly, “I feel fine.” But you’re going to let Nat and Bucky load you up on the webbed stretcher anyway because it’s the first time Steve has cared for you in a long time. You want to relish in this moment, the way that he didn't say your name but called you honey.

Well, and because Natasha slides a thumb across her neck over Steve’s shoulder in a silent threat.

You groan when Bucky accidentally grabs your calf where there is an absolutely awful stab wound, but you wave off his apology. “How could you have known?” To be honest, you hadn’t even known it was there until his Vibranium hand was slipping against it and sending shockwaves of pain through you. Peter is next to you the whole time that you’re being carried back to the jet - Tony staying back to begin scanning the bodies of the Hydra agents for the information you need and any other information they may be carrying. The poor kid is nearly at a breakdown, so you reach out to him and shake his arm when his fingers twine with yours. “Chill out, kid, I don’t know how you got it into your head that this is your fault, but it sure isn’t.” He sniffles, but hands back with Steve as Bucky and Nat get you situated in the small medical room of the jet. They transfer you and then make to leave, only Bucky hesitating near the door.

“Stevie’s goin’ to be here soon and… I don’t know what made you do what you did but you have’t explain it to him. He’s bendin’ over backwards to figure it out, and we don’t have’a clue. Came out’a nowhere.” He looks at you for another moment before shaking his head and stepping out of the room. Your head is spinning, partially from what Bucky just said and partially from the pain and stimulus of electricity. You wait there, then, because this is it. This is the event horizon. You wait there, eyes closed, until you hear footsteps approach the med room, and then the door slowly opens. Steve says your name, holding all the finality and weight of an atomic bomb. You don’t open your eyes until he swings a chair next to the stretcher and lays a hand on your calf.

“You don’t have to do this,” You finally say, pushing yourself up onto your elbows to watch him. “I know that you don’t want to.” Steve only scoffs and begins to wash the stab wound using a packet of soap and a water bottle. You say his name twice before he looks at you, something between hate and hurt curdling into a glaze over his eyes that stops you in your tracks.

“Just let me do this. It is the least that you can do.” His words are painful and stilted, like it’s taking force to push them past his teeth. You lay back down and close your eyes, content to just feel the pain of Steve beginning to stitch you up and then dress the wound before you feel the pain of Steve leaving you like you knew he always would. (Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his.)

When he’s done he sits back and puts his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He heaves a heavy sigh and then shakes it off, “I’ll dress your burn, and then we’ll talk.” And normally, yes, you would agree but this is too important. You want to get it over with so you can lick your wounds metaphorically and dress them literally - and then you want to go home, you want to pack your bags, and you want to disappear and remake your life somewhere else.

Some far-off place where everyone you know won’t take one look at your face and know that you’re still painfully, deeply in love with Steve Rogers, end of your semester be damned. Family you’ve made be damned. You can’t sit around and be in love with him like a neon sign on a dark highway while it’s painfully clear that he hasn’t had a sign on his highway in a long time.

So instead of agreeing, you swing your legs over the stretcher and swallow your flinch when the burn pulls tight. Steve opens his mouth to argue but you give him a tight-lipped shake of your head and his jaw snaps shut. “No,” You say, voice not giving in to the emotion swirling in your chest. “I have let this go on long enough.”

It’s the wrong thing to say because Steve fucking scoffs again and looks away from you. “One day was long enough.” He says, cutting straight to your core. Okay, ouch. You take a deep breath and shake your head to try and bite back the tears that are inevitably rising in your eyes. If one day was long enough for him to realize he doesn’t want to be with you, why did he let it go on for nearly a full year? Why did he spend so long leading you on, pulling you by a thread before garroting your heart with it? What was the point?

“If you want to leave me, just say that,” You reply harshly, standing and wobbling away from him. He just watches you go, watches the way you struggle past the lead weights your muscles have become, the way you’re starting to feel the stab wound on your leg, the way the skin on your burn is beginning to blister and only just now losing its heat. He just watches you, where the Steve that loved you once upon a time might have helped. You turn your back on him, hands on your hips so that you can hide the way that you’re crying and your hands are shaking.

“If I want to leave you? If?” He says. You hear the scrape of his chair as he stands, “I think after what you’ve done, it’s not an if, sweetheart.” The way he says it tastes like iron. Steve never calls you sweetheart like he never calls you by your name. It’s always honey, lover, dovie. You don’t turn to face him because you’re struggling to keep yourself above water. “I spent so long thinkin’, wonderin’, askin’ myself - God damnit, will you look at me?” You turn slowly, not because you’ve never heard Steve speak like that but because his voice is desperate and raw. When you turn, you’re not sure what to expect. Maybe him, standing in front of you, broad-shouldered and disappointed like in those PSA’s he had to film once. Maybe he’d be angry, hands clenched at his sides and eyes narrowed like he gets in meetings when he doesn’t agree with something but he’s out-voted. But you never expect to see him crying, lip wobbling, folded in on himself like a young boy instead of the strong, invincible man you’ve come to love.

He looks so different.

It hits you, then, that you’re not looking at Steve Rogers. Not really. He's not Steve Rogers, not Captain America, not even Captain Rogers. You see him as he was - before America spat it’s untruths all over him and injected him with a serum that changed who he was, is, will be. He’s not the able-bodied man that you know, not strong and unreachable, not the heartthrob that overshadows the team during press events. He’s not America’s Darling, not really. Not where it counts.

You’re looking at Stevie Rogers. Stevie Rogers who, for all intents and purposes, was supposed to die before he made it out of toddlerhood or soon thereafter. Stevie Rogers who the doctors said wasn’t supposed to survive. Stevie Rogers who grew up sickly, rattling painful breaths and never playing ball with the neighborhood boys. Who couldn’t walk until middle school when he got his braces off. Who never had a partner because Bucky, strong and handsome and tall Bucky, was always deemed the better option. Who believed in his country so much that he tried to sneak into the second world war, subjected himself to a painful medical procedure so that he could change his very DNA to be what the world wanted him to be.

Captain Steve Rogers. Captain America. Strong, blond, patriotic, resilient.

You’re sure that if men don’t want to go to therapy now, in the modern age, they certainly didn’t want to go in the ‘40s. So where did that leave Steve, your Steve, standing in front of you and looking small, and broken, and sad, and alone? Did they expect him to take his new, taller, working body and run with it? Did they not think about how he would lose a part of himself in the process? How did they expect him to go from disabled to abled without some disconnect?

You think about the You That You Were Before and the You That You Are Now, and how you lost a part of yourself when the accident gave you your powers and how you’d lose yourself if someone figured out a way to take them away. You Before formed your identity around being normal - living in a shitty home with shitty parents, sure, but normal - and You Now form your identity around your powers, your team, your job, your love. If you lost those things, what did you have left? Who would you be?

When Steve lost his identity and became everything that America wanted everyone to think that America was, what did he have left? Sure, he could tell himself that he represents America - strong and patriotic and just - but it must have conflicted with everything he knew about himself before that. You know that disabled people now know that American society is unjust, unfit for them with abled people not willing to make room to allow them to thrive. You can only imagine what it was really like for Steve in the ‘20s and ‘30s and ‘40s. What he had to do just to survive. (Medical experimentation, you remind yourself. Did they know it wouldn’t kill him? Did they know his body wouldn’t rip itself apart with the new sinewy muscle they were packing on? Did they care? Or was he just a body they saw as broken? A project to fix? To turn him into something more like them and call it patriotism?)

You shake your head at him, still filled with despair, and try to figure out what he’s talking about. “Stevie,” You start, pet name easily replacing what you had been calling him because it’s not fair to shoe-horn him into a body that doesn’t feel like his own. You wonder if he still expects the bone-grinding pain that he used to tell you would happen when it rains. He raises a hand, a strong and family hand, shaking his head.

“I just need to know why I wasn’t enough for you,” Steve looks sad, slouching in on himself like he’s expecting to get his ass handed to him in another alleyway and hope Bucky is there to save him. “I need to know why you wouldn’t just break up with me if you wanted to see other people so badly.” You suck in a shocked breath because, okay, that’s not what you were expecting. Between that and the paradigm shift you’ve had on how Steve must view his identity, body, and self, you’re stunned. Steve continues like he doesn’t even register that you look shocked and pale and now you’re crying because he thinks you’re cheating on him? “And I get it. I get it. You have no idea how much I understand. If I were you, I wouldn’t want me either, okay?”

You cut him off there because what the actual God damn fuck is he talking about? “No, Stevie, I’m not cheating on you.” You shake your head again and this, your statement, lights a fire in him. He still looks like Stevie rather than Steve, but there’s anger there. You imagine that’s what it might have looked like moments before he got himself in trouble back before he was serumed. “I’m not.”

“Oh, yeah?” He challenges, jaw ticking and chin jerking up, “Oh, yeah? You can’t lie to me. I know, okay? The act is up, it’s over, I know, okay? You can stop pretending.”

“Steve, I do not fucking know what you’re talking about but I”m not cheating on you!” You raise your voice, not really angry but more out of necessity. You need to get it out of his head that he is anything less than everything you want - that you could possibly love anyone more than you love him.

“I wanted to clarify something for you,” Steve says like he’s reading an old script from when he was just a beefy, red/white/blue stage prop for the American military, “I am excited to meet with you, but there are some rules. Do not talk about Captain Steve Rogers. I don’t want to hear about him,” As he continues to recite something that has clearly hurt him, you go lax. You know exactly what’s happened - your fists unclench, your jaw drops a little bit, and it feels like someone has gutted you, “I think it is wise to keep work and pleasure separate, and it’s a rule I will enforce heavily. I look forward to seeing you again.” He’s sneering at the end, tears falling down his ruddy cheeks.

“Steve,” You try again, but he cuts you off.

“Am I just work for you?” His voice is shaking more than you thought possible, and so are his hands. You’ve never seen Steve so off-kilter, so thrown, and it breaks your heart that yes, technically, you’re the cause of this. Before this, before this horrible misunderstanding, your relationship with Steve was the paragon of trust so neither of you cared if the other read emails or texts. You remember the email - the email from your fucking college professor - because it had made you so angry that he’d referred to your relationship with Steve as something as simple and base as just pleasure - like you could even put words to the galaxy of a relationship you had with Steve - that you’d gone to the gym to work off some of that irritation. You hadn’t wanted to take it out on anyone accidentally. When you came back from the gym, Steve was gone on that two-week mission that he’d left on without saying goodbye.

Oh, God. You feel sick to your stomach as the paradigm of the way that Steve’s been treating you shifts violently to the left. You have to physically hold yourself up and try to speak past the lump in your throat. Steve looks… Brokenly smug. Like he knows he’s right, but he’d rather gnaw his own legs off than be right.

“No,” You croak, “No, Steve, you’ve got it all wrong.” You want to reach for him, but it feels like the room is closing in on you. You’re second-guessing everything now - especially what you’ve just said. How many people said the exact same thing to him pre-serum because they said something meant for Bucky to him? How many times did he hear that when he was getting a new diagnosis, hoping for the best? How many times had his own mother said it to him when he told her something someone had said, fresh-faced and not yet used to the way that abled people sometimes treated disabled people? You think you might be sick. “That email was from my professor, Steve. I’m not cheating on you, I’d never.” He laughs darkly and sits back down in his chair, head in his hands again. You try to gather the strength to move toward him when you see his shoulders shaking, a telltale sign that he’s crying.

“A professor,” He says with a watery laugh, “Right.”

Finally, you realize that he needs you, needs to know you love him, that you’d do anything for him. You can iron out the kinks later - figure out why he didn’t want to come to talk to you past the original hurt, why he treated you so coldly, why he didn’t trust that you wouldn’t do this to him - but now, you need to show him that you’re here. That you choose him. That you’ll always choose him.

You make your way to him and set a shaking hand on his shoulder. For a brief second you think he’s going to shake you off but then Steve’s hand shoots up and latches onto where your hand is resting, dipping his head to press against your arm. “Stevie, please,” You say, unsure of what you’re asking him to do, “I picked up a class, just one, and it’s… I picked it up for you, it’s about the ‘30s and ‘40s and…” He looks up at you and he looks so broken - face ruddy and wet with tears, lip wobbling, chest heaving as he tries to not sob. His brows are knit and he looks confused, “I just wanted to be able to understand you better. You had to leave so much of yourself at the door when you joined the Avengers, had to leave so much of yourself in the ice… In Erskine’s lab… Stevie, I just wanted you to be able to be you when you’re with me. I wanted to know the you that you were before you became Captain America.” Your voice is shaking, knees knocking together, and honestly? You feel like you might blackout.

“What?” He rasps, “What?”

“He sent that email because too many kids signed up for his class thinking that they’d be able to look at pictures of you and Buck for a semester. Emailed me directly because he knows we’re…” You choke on your words, shaking your head because you’re not even sure there’s a we anymore, “Because he knows I’m on the team. Didn’t want me walking in and making his class about just a few years in the ‘30s and ‘40s rather than the culture of the time.” You don’t know how else to explain it to him, but Steve isn’t saying anything - practically isn’t moving or breathing- so you continue to try and explain what’s really happening as best as you can, “And - and that email made me so angry because he singled me out, didn’t email anyone else about it, and I left to try and work some of that out; I didn’t want to take it out on you, or let it spoil - let it spoil… But when I came back from the gym, you were gone. You were gone for two weeks and I didn’t know why.” You’re crying harder now and pretty sure that within the next sixty seconds you’re going to collapse if you don’t sit down.

Steve shakes his head, still looking like he doesn’t understand. “What?” He says for a third time, “A class? A college class?”

“I just wanted to feel closer to you,” You confess, “Just wanted to understand a fraction of your life without making you do the heavy liftin’ and teachin’ me. Shouldn’t have’t do that,” You’re sobbing, barely biting out your words as you realize that something you’ve done to strengthen your relationship with Steve has destroyed it, “Shouldn’t have to explain a whole different time just to feel loved, Stevie. Should be able to be with someone who understands without you havin’ to explain.” You’re not sure you can say Peggy’s name out loud, and you hope he understands what you’re saying without making you actually say it, “Should’a been able to have love with someone who knew, and I know I’m nothin’ compared to what you should’a had, but I want to be. I want to be in the same ballpark instead’a watchin’ from the stands.” You wipe your face with your free hand and look away from Steve when he stands in front of you. You don’t want to see the look on his face - what he’s thinking about what you’ve said.

He says your name and you glance at him, but his expression stops him in your tracks. Where Steve looked broken and hurt and fuming with anger to hide the anguish, now he looks stricken. You shake your head, “No, no. I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty-”

“You think that I care about whether or not you can understand the ‘40s?” He cuts you off, hands moving to curl around your biceps, “You think that I care whether or not you can relate to a time in history when you weren’t even thought of?”

“Of course I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, but you shouldn’t have to not care, Steve,” You argue, shaking your head, “That’s what I’m trying to say. You should be with someone who understands without explanation. I just wanted to give that to you - didn’t know that this would happen.”

“I should be with someone who loves me,” He argues back, “If you love me, that’s all that matters. My past be damned.”

“But your past is you!” You try to pull away from Steve, but he anchors you there. You’re dizzy from being so close to him after this long, but also because of how many different twists this situation has taken. You can barely keep up with how bad your communication with Steve has become - barely keep up with how you need to fix it, or how to fix it. “Your past is you,” You repeat when you realize that Steve isn’t going to let you go. “And you shouldn’t have to give that up so that someone will love you.”

“But you love me,” He says desperately, ducking his head so that he’s nearly nose to nose with you, “You love me, right?”

“More than anything,” You say, closing your eyes and relishing in the feeling of being so close to Steve, “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks, or anyone else. I’ll even stop goin’ to class if you want me to - Steve, I just can’t do this anymore. Can’t do this thing where you don’t talk to me about what’s botherin’ you.” You’re choking up, barely whispering, but you know he hears you. YOu can feel his warm breath on your face, “Nearly fuckin’ killed me.”

“I thought it was goin’ to be easier,” He breathes, nose bumping yours, “When you eventually decided to leave me for him. Thought I was savin’ myself some trouble.” You can practically taste his tears as they fall again, “Buck and Nat tried to tell me that you weren’t - that you wouldn’t - but I just couldn’t believe them.”

When you open your eyes, his are closed. This close to him you can see the soft freckles that are blooming over his eyelids, his soft eyelashes kissing his cheekbones. You can feel him breathing, feel him nearly pressed against you in a way that feels hauntingly nostalgic and terrifyingly fleeting; like you’ll be able to feel his warmth for years to come, but he’s about to disappear. “That’s okay,” You finally whisper, “It’s okay that you didn’t believe them. That you thought what you thought. It’s okay.” He shakes his head against yours, opening his mouth to protest, but you refuse to let him feel guilty about feeling this way - you have plenty of time to sit him down and talk to him candidly about the way he acted because of these feelings, anyway. “If I would have been in your place I’m not sure I would have believed them.”

“I treated you so badly…” He shifts and wraps his arms around you. It’s almost immediate - you relax into his arms and wind yours around his waist, keeping him pulled against you as he presses his face into your neck and you press your cheek against his chest. “So awfully.”

“We’ll talk about that, okay? But later. Right now you just need to know that I love you, Steve. I love you more than I can tell you - more than I can express.” You want to kiss him, but you can’t. Can’t kiss him, you need to wait for him to kiss you, for him to close that gap and show you that he still loves you like you love him. “We’ll have to have a talk, a long and hard conversation about this, Stevie, but for now… For now, I’m just content to be with you, okay? MIssed you so much.”

He sighs, nose pressing against yours again. “Missed you too, dovie. Missed you more than I can even say,” His voice breaks as his lips brush yours. Your relationship is not without its flaws and problems - Steve’s actions when he thought you were cheating on him are proof of that and, well, the fact that you didn’t realize what was happening, why it was happening, or a large part of your boyfriend’s psychological makeup having an impact on your relationship while it went unknown by you… There is a lot of work for the two of you to do, a lot of work to do, a lot of communication to be done… But you’d do it all for Steve, over and over again.

When he presses forward and presses his lips gently to yours, you know that he’ll do it all for you, over and over again, too.

#steve rogers imagine #steve rogers/reader #steve rogers x reader #marvel imagine #mcu imagine

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heyitsyn · 3 years

Text

Manager!Inarizaki

a/n: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i would put in all the reqs but there were so many people who requested for our fox babies that it would literally take up every space :”) and im happy to comply so here it is

AAAA LOOK THEY’RE SO CUTE OMG LIKE BLS BUT IM A RIN SIMP :’)

alkdfjlsdfi

sunarin simp is typing😍🍃💞..........

ogeiogeiogei

hehehehehe

so im actually just going to include the starting lineup like i knowwwww theres subs but im only most familiar with the regulars :(

okay so anyways!!

now

you might be wondering

how in the hell did you become the manager of these crackheads

from calm papi kita to psycho tsumu,

why are you their manager

you, the cute and shy and innocent not wittle first year, somehow became the manager of the powerhouse volleyball team of inarizaki high

it all started with our dear lovely samu

hehe bet you didnt see that coming

now we all know baby samu literally is the biggest foodie in the team and he constantly thinks about food 24/7 therefore there isnt much room in there for anything else except for volleyball

basically,

the dude loves to eat

it just so happens that you made food

your family owned a cafe down the street from the school and you worked there after school to help your parents

now how does this tie in with samu you ask

this chile was so hungry that he had to skip practice

sending kita a quick text about doing a quick errand, he walked down the street on the hunt for a quick place to grab a bite

he totally ignored kita’s warning of cramps if he ate a lot then practiced but whatever food is life

it just so happens he stumbles upon your family’s cafe

when he entered, the smell of bread and food entered his nostrils causing this baby to just float right in

you were manning the register while your brother was at school so you smiled at the incoming figure of this familiar boy

and because you recognized him, you couldnt help but grin and gasp a little

‘oh! miya-senpai!’

you exclaimed and osamu was confused because he’s never seen you before but he thought you were probably a kouhai in school

you looked young and definitely not a face he’s seen before so he concluded you were most likely a first year

and you were really cute

like really

really

cute

that thought caused this babe to blink awkwardly and nod at your direction

‘uh, hi’

he greeted and you smiled at his awkward nature

‘what can i get you today, miya-senpai?’

he must’ve been busy looking at you to actually look at the menu behind you and he fumbled, rushing to find a food to get

‘wh-what do ya recommend?’

he asked and you paused then thought deeply

‘hmm, we have onigiris freshly made! and we also have milk bread thats really good!’

did you just-

did you just say onigiri?

‘yea ill take some onigiri’

he decided and you lit up

‘perfect! the total is-’

he completely blanked out because wow your smile was really pretty

‘miya-senpai? miya-senpai?’

you called out and he snapped out of it

‘oh, sorry, here’

he gave you the cash and you gave him back his change before wandering to the glass case where the savory foods were placed

you seemed to glide over and osamu watched you with fond eyes, interest bubbling in him

there was something about you that made him curious

but he just didnt know what

it confused him because maybe you were just someone he hasnt seen before and not the same fans he sees all the time

‘you’re really lucky, miya-senpai. i just finished making them minutes before you walked in’

you commented

this took him aback

‘you cook?’

he suddenly asked and you chuckled, soft and airy laughs filling the air

‘of course, senpai! learning to cook is an essential for a business like this’

and thus created a beautiful friendship

he would come over to eat nearly every day of the week while you would happily serve him

sometimes, he would even buy extra so you could eat with him

while you were talking, he noticed you lacked the accent others from there had and he thought you were not originally from hyogo

he learned that you were actually from miyagi and you moved here just this year

‘so, how ya liking it ‘round here?’

he asked one day, after swallowing his food

you thought about it before shrugging

‘i mean, its still the countryside so i guess everything’s the same. maybe the dialect? my neighbors have strong accents, haha’

samu chuckled

‘its common over here. ya sound a lot more from tokyo. my best friend’s from there, ya see’

you raised an eyebrow

‘hm?’

‘rin. suna rin is in the team and hes from tokyo so he sounds like a standard city boy. ill take ya to meet him sometime’

nah he really wasnt

he wanted to keep you away from the others as much as possible, especially his brother, because he was a greasy mf

but that didnt really work out into plan because you approached him in school the other day

you saw him and you hurriedly ran to him where he stood with his twin and some guy

tsumu saw you coming from behind his brother and he smirked before nodding at you

‘samu, ya got a girlie running for ya’

samu turned, confused, until he saw your adorable face

‘y/n. whats up?’

you grinned

‘you left your team jacket, miya-senpai’

the red jacket was clutched in your hands and the two boys behind him shared a surprised look because osamu never mentioned a girlfriend

and with the way you were holding his jacket, the two boys immediately jumped into conclusions

well

more like atsumu started whining at osamu for not telling him he had a girl

‘i thought we were brothers! brothers for life!’

samu just awkwardly stands there and he has a sheepish look in his eyes that were looking at you apologetically

‘sorry about him, y/n. but thank you for returning it’

you handed him the fabric before smiling

‘it was a good thing you had a spare one for me, miya-senpai. who knew the rain would come so suddenly’

osamu sighed then playfully poked your forehead with his finger

‘how many times do i have to tell you to call me by my first name? i really dont want to hear anything that associates me with this bastard’

atsumu socked osamu at the shoulder causing the gray-haired boy to look away from you and start yelling at his brother

‘touch me again! see what happens then!’

‘yer just showing off for yer girlie! ya aint doin nothing!’

suna shook his head before turning to you with a sympathetic look

‘you really want to be with this guy? him and this idiot are practically a package’

you tilted your head

‘im,,, not with miya-senpai?’

suna blinked

‘but he gave you his jacket. he doesnt even give it to me. i guess its not part of best friend privileges’

at the mention of best friend, you lit up

‘oh! you must be sunarin! the tokyo boy!’

baby rin choked a little at the sight of your grin and he scrunched his eyebrows while awkwardly raising the corner of his lips to a smile

‘you,, uh,,, you know me?’

like it was the most obvious thing in the world, you nodded

‘at first, when miya-senpai told me, i didnt know who you were. but! youre actually very popular, suna-senpai! too bad i never saw you until today, though, because we’re in different floors. but! a lot of girls talk about you!’

poor rin didnt know how to react to that because he didnt want to look flustered but he didnt want to look cocky either

so he just opted to smile gently

‘oh. well, in that case. let me introduce myself to you. suna rintaro’

can we normalize suna being an actual nice guy instead of the cold stand-offish player bastard?

you shook his hand and said your name as well

like samu, he asked you to call him by his first name too since you were close to his friend therefore should try being close to you too

speaking of samu, him and atsumu reduced the violence to just bickering and they were still teasing each other even after you and suna talked

the coochi bangs boy rolled his eyes then slapped atsumu’s arm to gain their attention

‘yo. theres a girl here. try and be nice and civil’

atsumu seems like he forgot your existence because his eyes brightened at the sight of you

‘oh! heya!’

you nervously smiled at him because his hyperness and overall atsumu-ness was quite overwhelming

‘h-hello, miya-senpai’

atsumu pouted at how apprehensive you sounded

‘eyyy, why are you being nervous, girlie? im just samu, yanno! same face and everything!’

osamu knew you well enough that you were kinda awkward and you didnt know how to approach a hyper person like his brother so he naturally saved you

‘hey, y/n, the bell’s about to ring any moment now so try to not be late and ill be sure to see you later. do you want me to pick you up from your class and we can walk together?’

to you, it was just a simple offer from a friend but to the two, that was the confirmation of your relationship with the wing spiker

‘wahh, atsumu, your brother really is better than you. he knows how to treat girls good’

atsumu took offense to this

‘excuse you! i would be too if there were genuine girls in this school!’

osamu’s aggressive blinking was his signal for you to hurry along and you noticed causing you to chuckle before bidding goodbye

‘it was nice meeting you, rin-senpai. and,,, you too, miya-senpai. samu-senpai, later at 3?’

osamu softly smiled while nodding

‘later at 3’

the TEASING HE FACED from the two was unbearable and despite the amount of times he denied it, they were still teasing him

‘samu’s got a girlfriend~! samu’s got a girlfriend~!’

‘tsumu, i swear to god if you dont shut your trap’

‘imagine having a girlfriend’

true to his word, osamu was waiting for ya at the bottom of the stairwell from the one that led to the second floor, absentmindedly kicking some invisible thing in the floor

you were fixing your bag straps on your shoulders when you saw him at the end of the hallway and you couldnt contain your excitement seeing the grey haired boy

‘samu-senpai!!’

you shouted, getting his attention that made him whip his head up

the blank face contorted into a small smile and he raised a hand

‘yo’

when you made it next to him, you were grinning really big and samu felt flustered at your happy face

so he cupped your chin with his large hand that allowed him to squeeze both cheeks

‘cutie’

he mumbled but you didnt catch it, too busy trying to get him to stop squishing

you were originally supposed to go walk over to the cafe but you didnt know that osamu was actually trying to skip practice and he was trying to hide from the members

okay first off, i dont think samu would ever skip practice willingly bc he has the same drive as miya atsumu but he also just wants to spend time with you asklfjldfjdlk

but the loud mouth tsumu saw you guys as you turned a hallway

you were busy talking to osamu about some cooking chef guy gordon and he was nodding and talking but then he heard a loud shout

‘SAMU!’

osamu babie didnt know what was happening so he protectively placed an arm in front of you and hurriedly shoved you behind him in case something happened

duh you didnt know what was happening either so you were clutching his jacket and peeked from his arm to see atsumu stomping over with suna trailing behind him, seemingly texting on his phone

osamu lazily glared at his brother

‘what’

atsumu blanched and sped walk faster until he was right in front of him to yell

‘IM TIRED OF YER EXCUSES! JUST CUS YA GOT YASELF A GIRLIE DUN MEAN YA GET TO SKIP PRACTICE!’

you furrowed your eyebrows

you tugged at his jacket and osamu turned to peer down at you and he gulped, preparing himself to hear your scolding

it wasnt the first time you scolded him as you just told him off the other day for not eating enough vegetables and fruits to balance out his unhealthy love for onigiri and sweets

‘samu-senpai,,, you told me you guys were taking an off week. why are you skipping practice today’

you were genuinely worried and you didnt seem to understand why he did that but the other two did and atsumu didnt hesitate

‘CUS HE WANTS TA SPEND TIME WITH YA, Y/N! BASTARD CANT EVEN BOTHER TO TELL ME THE REASON! YER SICK?! WHAT THE HELL EXCUSE IS THAT! YA NEVER GET SICK!’

poor suna is just watching this go down and he felt bad that you were caught in the middle

so he suggested a compromise

you watched sunarin push atsumu’s chest to make him back off and he gently smiled at you before looking at the two

‘how about we all go to practice and if y/n-chan wants, she can wait and osamu can spend time with her when hes done? besides, atsumu, you know osamu has been doing good on his spikes. maybe we can persuade coach and kita to let him off early since hes,,, quote unquote,, ‘sick’’

osamu debated but you emerged from behind him

‘sure! samu-senpai would love to go to practice! right, samu-senpai?’

you smiled at him but it was a stern smile

you just wanted him to go to practice because you knew now of how important volleyball was to the school and they needed to get all their time and energy to win the sport

atsumu agreed to this plan but osamu was forced to accept it

simp

just for extra measure, sunarin and tsumu walked behind you guys to the gym so you and samu had time to talk

you were chiding him of course because why would he waste time with spending time with you

‘just wanted to see ya, y/n-chan’

he winked but you pouted and wrinkled your nose

‘you cant weasel yourself out of this, samu-senpai’

osamu has never heard you scold him before so he was like o.o but inside he was like,,, hot

the gym was already on full practice and kita saw the second years from the door

aran LAKDJFLAKSFJLASDKF ARAN AAAAAAAAAAAAA nudged mimi with a smirk

as much as they loved the underclassmen, watching them get told off by kita was too funny to not watch

but what caused them to curiously peer behind the three was the appearance of a girl

a girl?

‘why’s a girl with them?’

aran mumbled and mimi shrugged, but also intrigued

you were behind osamu and he could tell you were nervous because youve heard of the reputation of the team

they were seen as practically as popular as the basketball team and everyone worshipped them

they were who put the school’s name in the map and you were about to meet the legends of inarizaki

thankfully, atsumu and rin walked to the front of you two so you and samu were at the back

samu didnt look at you but he reached behind him to open his palm as a signal for you to take it

you gratefully grabbed it and leaned closer in case something happens

‘KITA-SAN! WE GOT EM!’

atsumu shouted and suna chided him for being really loud

‘you’re late’

an even voice said in front of them and you leaned over to the side to see who it was from

your eyes bulged out of your head because one, wow he was handsome, and two, he looked like someone from miyagi

YALL KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT BYE-

‘oh wow’

you mumbled absentmindedly and samu looked at you at the corner of his eye before scoffing

your face was totally bright red and your eyes were super wide

kita? really? of all guys? it was kita?

‘SORRY! was samu who took so long!’

atsumu lowered his voice down but he didnt tell the captain of his brother’s plans to skip

‘he has a stomachache and he was at the nurse’s office’

suna smoothly came up with a lie and he might look cool and calm, his hands were clasped behind him with it clenching his phone

your eyes left kita to notice that habit and you had a small smile because it was another reassurance that these boys werent as high and legendary as everyone made them to be

in the end they were still just students and boys

they were still human

‘oi, osamu, who’s the girl?’

aran finally bit the bullet and asked the question everyone has been wondering since the beginning

both you and samu stiffened at the direct question to you but he nodded

‘this is l/n y/n’

he introduced and you raised a shaky hand as a greeting but let go of samu to bow slightly to your seniors

‘hello, my name is l/n y/n, i’m a first year’

a few players also raised a hand but it was mimi who spoke at last

‘nice to meet you’

kita nodded at you but turned to the three

‘why is she with you? are you skipping again, osamu?’

again?

osamu inwardly cringed

obviously, kita was sharper than they would think because he easily saw through suna’s lie

he also knew that samu never really got sick

he watched the younger shovel 5 bowls of ramen and still have enough room eat a plate of mochi and he was perfectly fine

it was silent between the four of you and atsumu and suna were looking at each other as they ran out of lies

dang they even planned the entire walk of what to say to kita

you looked between the twins and their friend before speaking up

‘samu-senpai really did have a stomachache. i was-uh-helping the nurse! um, i want to be a doctor or a nurse when i grow up! and-’

you started to ramble but because you were trying to lie and it was never your forte

ALKESDJFLKD Y/N I NEED TO TAKE YOU UNDER MY WING WE NEED TO TEACH YOU THIS IMPORTANT LIFE SKILL OMG

‘we were tryin to convince y/n to be a manager. thats why we took so long’

atsumu huffed

you froze

a what?

a manager?

you were genuinely truthful about wanting to go into a medical profession but not a manager

you were already a manager before and you didnt really want to do it again

kita was inspecting suna’s and atsumu’s and osamu’s faces to see a trace of dishonesty

you saw him raise a dark eyebrow and you knew then that these three cannot tell a lie to save their life

so you nodded frantically making kita look at you

‘mhm! they asked me! miya-san wanted someone they knew already so they asked me because i’m samu-senpai’s friend! so here i am!’

your awkward smile and stiff outstretched arms might’ve seem suspicious but kita moved his gaze from you to atsumu and the blonde nodded

‘yea! ya’ve been talkin bout bein worried of next year cus yall aint here no more so i got sum person responsible enough fer us!’

STOPP I HATE IT HERE I CANT SEEM TO WRITE OUT ATSUMU’S ACCENT LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

after the longest 3 seconds, kita finally nodded and closed his eyes warily

‘alright. l/n-san, come here’

you froze at the way he said your name but suna was kind enough to walk over to your place beside samu to gently push you forward to kita

‘its okay’

he mumbled and you were so thankful because that gave you enough motivation and strength to keep going

your height was staggering between these men and kita seemed to tower you

but you kept an even and calm face

‘yes?’

you asked

kita looked at you and he stared at your face, pupils moving as a sign that he was inspecting your eyes and every feature

oh my god you shouldve plucked your nose hairs this morning

before you could feel more self-conscious, he spoke

‘you said you want to be a doctor?’

‘well, more like a nurse but um same thing’

‘you know medical stuff? know how to treat injuries?’

‘yes. i was a manager back in my hometown so i have experience’

‘where are you from?’

‘miyagi’

‘ya familiar with shiratorizawa?’

you cringed but nodded

‘yes’

‘are you from there?’

‘yes’

the three stooges from behind you had wide eyes at this sudden revelation because that was a school theyve played before

even the last interhigh, they were familiar of how strong that school was

the eagle and the guess monster

and you were their manager before?

must’ve been during middle school as you were just a first year

‘so you know how plays and stats work?’

‘yes. anything you want me to do, im familiar and capable to do it’

god why are you saying this

you didnt even want to be a manager in the first place

yet here you are again

you were getting flashbacks from the war ajkfdfd

kita looked at you silently once more before finally standing up straight and pointing you to their coach who was watching the whole thing with crossed arms and furrowed brows

‘there. talk to him and you can finalize everything. i think its too early to say this but nonetheless, welcome to the team, y/n’

AND THUS STARTED YOUR JOURNEY WITH THE BOYS

akldjklfjsdlakj

IT WAS ALL BUILT ON LIES BUT WHATEVER

AS LONG AS NO ONE DIED ISSOKAY

no but really dont tell lies in general yall, maybe white lies, but try not to do that

OKAY MOVING ON

MOMENTS WITH THE TEAM

duh you are much much closer to samu than the rest of the team so you tended to stick to him more

like you would go to him first if you needed something or if you wanted someone to help you with the crate, he would be your go-to

that would make atsumu whine because he felt that samu was better than him

‘oi, y/n! im really good with ma arms! i can bench 300 yanno?’

you politely smiled and nodded

‘thank you for telling me, miya-san’

then you would proceed to nudge samu’s arm yum to ask for help

butbutbutbut

dont worry!!!!

you do end up warming up to him

for my atsumu stans, yall tend to go to him when samu is either busy or you just need a good laugh

this mans will embarrass himself both on purpose or accidentally to make you laugh lmao

you also have extra bottles for his medicine because he has adhd and the guys are like,,,, yo chill

and duh atsumu would forget to take them so youre practically his reminder

we all know how tsumu was practically attacked that one time when he insulted those girls, right?

yall may have forgiven but i will never forget >:(

well, during matches, you as their manager, always have to tell the stands to be quiet when atsumu is serving

but no one told you this

you kind of figured it out during your time like when his eye would twitch if samu was talking to suna too loudly or when he would close his eyes to shut off his hearing because of the loud spikes on the other side

you noticed it

so you would go to the stands and nicely tell them that if they see atsumu serving, to be quiet

‘i understand you are all excited when he does his serve but we would all benefit more you could release that excitement inside and silently’

*cue atsumu pretending to faint in sunas arms*

OH SPEAKING OF SUNA

YES I SAID THAT I DONT REALLY LIKE FANON SUNA BC,,,

WEED

AND DRUGS

AND RUDE

JUST OVERALL

NOT RECOMMENDED

but canon suna :”)

as a player, suna is seen as really manipulative and snarky and witty

he loves to poke fun at the other team, even his own, and just all-around annoying

but off-court

suna is a very quiet and reserved person

totally different from the one who talks and yaps constantly to the other side of the net

and hes a really pure person in some topics

like he would turn red when you would compliment his new picture that he posted in inasgram

PLEASE SUNA IS TOTALLY A PHOTOGRAPHER LIKE HE TAKES PICTURES OF SUNSETS AND STUFF

or when you would offer to bandage him up for him because it’s hard to do it himself and your hand would touch his

dont tell anyone this but suna is very relieved that you and samu weren’t dating

thats all

thats all for now

;)

OOOO kita!!!

okay so kita is the captain, right?

but he doesnt play

like he plays rarely and aran is usually the on-court captain

this causes you and him to be at the sidelines a lot

he would tell you what he thinks would happen next or what the next plan should be and you would provide your own input

in a way, he was the one who really taught you the mechanics of volleyball and he would tell you the different tricks that techniques that the twins came up with

what makes you really soft and fall for him is when he starts to compliment his players

his pride in aran for being one of the top aces that has led them to nationals

his pride in mimi for being able to go on the longest on court and not be tired

his pride on akagi for being able to receive each ball and successfully give it to their setter

his pride on hitoshi for being the one who could handle the team personality wise and his plans for him to be his successor

his pride on ATSUmu for being the best setter he’s ever seen and his drive to get better no matter what

his pride on samu for being so strong and still getting stronger despite his dream career to be something not volleyball-related

his pride on sunA being motivated enough to help the team and make sure everyone knows that every ball can be stopped

like pls you almost cry all the time when you hear kita saying that because he seems to not say it to the others but only to you

it makes you happy that kita relies so much on these guys as much as they rely on him

OH MY GOSH OMIMI

okay

so omimi ren is a very quiet and calm character

hes kinda like suna where they dont really say much but when they do, its usually important and not irrelevant like atsumu

and he didnt say much when you got inducted in the team as a manager

like he just stared at you and you were just like o.o

ngl he did scare you a bit bc of his tall height looming over you and the way his dark eyes just pierces you through your soul

hes the type that you cannot willingly tell a lie to him bc you know he will find out one way or another

he can see right through you

maybe thats what makes him such a good middle blocker

but you started to warm up to him really quick and he would sometimes walk you home if the others cant mainly bc he knows his appearance will make anyone back off

its the simple things that make you appreciate him

two words: ginjima hitoshi

he is so two-faced

NO LISTEN BEFORE YALL BEAT ME UP JUST HEAR ME OUT

you know how like the 4 second years (PLEASE I KNOW THERES A GUY NAMED YUTO BUT LIKE I DONT KNOW MUCH ABOUT HIM AAAAAA TELL ME IF YOU WANT HIM IN HERE)

like suna, the twins, and hitoshi

the twins are the annoying ones who causes trouble, suna is the one taking pictures and evidence while cheering them on, and hitoshi is the one trying to break it up

BUT

i think that hitoshi is really the worst out of the 4 and he keeps in because who else would be the responsible one of the bunch

hello? they were about to be third years next year like are we really gonna go on with possibly a miya twin or suna being captain?

so he tries to force down his inner chaos to take on the role of the responsible one

BUTTTTT

you try to release that inner chaos

you sometimes hear him egging on atsumu under his breath like ‘do it’ but quietly so no one hears him

and youre like

?-?

please? we’re not? supposed? to allow? atsumu? to eat? and swallow? a whole? raw egg?

at first, duh he was also like that with you but you want him to be himself and be comfortable with you so you work hard to make him open up

now

you kinda regret it

because he now wants to go through the mcdonalds drive-thru, with no car, just to get mcflurries

you stared down at hitoshi from your bedroom window with a confused expression

‘but? you dont have a car?’

he grins up at you

‘but i got a CART! they said as long as it’s a car and car is in the word cart and the extra ‘t’ is just a bonus!’

‘hitoshi no-’

AAAAAA MICHIMICHI BABY

so akagi is the libero of the team and he is the one responsible for the make sure the ball doesnt touch the ground type of thing

you get really worried about him bc he does a lot of flying saves and his knees always get roughed up and such

so you try and stitch him up as much as you can like you even send him sites for good warm packs to buy

something that isnt known about akagi is that he, like atsumu, really likes to cook

but more like

he bakes

he bakes as a stress reliever and its like his meditation time

you go over to his house a lot to go bake something w him and share it to the guys later on

during ina get-togethers, him and samu are in charged of the food while youre the sous chef

SPEAKING OF SAMU

we forgot about him for a sec aldfjklkfdjlk

it was all thanks to him

because of him, you became a manager despite your initial refusal to become one again

you made friends with more people and you were able to have a fun high school life because of it

because of him

osamu does get a little sad or irritated whenever the guys start to hog you up

like he has to push down the tantrum of ‘I SAW HER FIRST!’

he wants to be the better twin lmao

he gets really butthurt when you would go to someone else even during the middle of your conversation

like he would be talking to you on the side but suna calls you over for tape and youre going

he pouts and atsumu teases him about it causing him to bark at him

LOL HE BARKS

okay so training camp

i think therell be an imagine for this so ill try to not make it as detailed

lets just say its a mess

suna really wants to go hiking bc he wants to go the top of the mountain for pictures of the stars and stuff

but atsumu whines of the bugs and possible creatures in there

this causes osamu to tease him and call him a coward and a wimp

and leads to a fight which aran tries to break up but gets sucked in anyways

and omimi just stands by and watches but he intends to intervene if it gets too much

then akagi gets taken by suna to go the hike with him even though hes scared of bugs so hes whimpering and complaining

while kita and hitoshi are off in the kitchen talking about new grains of flour and stuff

where are you?

youre at the lodge, drinking your f/d (favorite drink) and watching all this go down bc at training camp, it’s every man for themselves

there is a lot of bonding times as a team bc these boys may seem like all they think about is volleyball but they like to do something else outside of that

what they love the most is going to the beach

not only do they get to have fun, they get to relax and see you in a swimsuit alkfdjkfj

especially when kita accidentally falls asleep? they bury him with sand and make him look like a mermaid

because they are players who work out so great bodies duh

and they get so much attention for that

but they all mainly pay attention to you and oh my

youve expressed not being comfortable in wearing a swim suit and watch these guys absolutely start throwing compliments at you

but the third years would softly tell you that it’s okay not to wear one bc all that matters is if youre comfortable or not

HELP I WANT AN ARAN AAAAAAAAAAA

OH SO

we know how kita’s family are rice farmers, right?

well

he farms to help his granny and sometimes, youre the only one who’s free enough to go and help him

so you go over there all the time and granny really loves you bc one, you take care of her shin and thats beyond everything, and two, youre reliable and make shin laugh and such

like one time, you were carrying a basket to the back deck and granny saw you from the kitchen

she smiled before waddling over to the door so she could talk to you

‘y/n-chan!’

you whipped around quickly at the call of your name before grinning and hurrying up to her

‘yes, granny?’

she gave you a bottled water then gestured down to the field where shin was tirelessly tending to the rice

‘please give that to shinsuke. poor boy has been pushing himself too hard with the field and his sport and not taking care of himself’

she chided but there was a certain hint in her tone that made her sound so proud of her grandson

you looked down at the bottle and squeezed it

‘kita-san works hard not for himself, but for everyone else. it makes me sad when he neglects his health and tends to the team instead. so dont worry, baa-chan! i’ll take care of kita-san for him! for you!’

nah bc granny was already gossiping with her neighborhood ladies about this beautiful girl that shin got and how they should be jealous their grandsons don’t have someone like you

OOOOOOO

since your family owns a cafe, the guys goes there all the time

its kinda like the ramen shop for the seijoh boys

they go there mainly to see you even outside of practice ANDDD

they wanna look good in front of your family

like tsumu suddenly knows cleanliness bc he cleans up the mess on the table or kita is no longer an introvert as hes now talking to your mom about the benefits of rice water and her not needing one bc her hair is already beautiful

PLEASE WHAT

and even during the summer, theyve helped out a lot when it was busy lunch times and you couldnt handle it yourself

GOSH IMAGINE SAMU BEING YOUR MOM’S APPRENTICE AND HANDSOME BOYS TAKING YOUR ORDERS WHILE SOME ARE CARRYING HEAVY TRAYS THAT MAKE THEIR ARMS POP

okay imma stop now

OH DONT GET ME STARTED DURING THE DEFEAT WITH KARASUNO

I DONT CARE YALL CAN HATE ME FOR SAYING THIS BUT KARASUNO SHOULDNT HAVE WON LIKE INARIZAKI WERE LITERALLY THE SECOND PLACE IN NATIONALS AND COMPETED AGAINST I T A C H I Y A M A

LIKE WHAT

OKAY ANYWAYS

everyone was already down and moody bc of the loss

and you wanted to be at the back bc you didnt know how to handle the situation

in your time as their manager, not once have you seen them lose

during those 10 months of being a manager, you have not once seen them be defeated during a game even with practice matches

then with those nobodies?

karasuno?

last time you checked, karasuno went down under when coach ukai retired

so having them lose was a real shock

and a really bad event

there was a certain air around you all during the bus ride to the hotel which made the entire time very uncomfortable

everyone finished their crying either in the locker rooms or the bathroom so all that was left was their red eyes

the coach sent everyone off to bed and although they were allowed more days to stay, they all collectively chose to just go home and keep those excused days as a rest day

‘we all would like to just stay at home and recharge’

kita’s request was everyone else’s, even yours, as you were both worried and tired for the boys

so that night, the coaches were able to book train tickets for everyone the next day back home

you stayed up, watching tv in your own room out of boredom because the group chat was quiet and you were too tired to do anything else

the next day, everyone

osamu claimed your shoulder and he held your hand tight with his

his breathing was ragged and even with his closed eyes, the redness around them made it obvious he had been crying

the bus that was filled with excitement before, became quiet and the sound of the engine and wheels took over the silence

you thought samu had fallen asleep so you raised your free hand to stroke his hair

‘hey y/n?’

you flinched at the surprise but hummed

‘imma tell him today. later, but today’

his voice was low and he was murmuring to hint that this was the extra sensitive topic you both discussed a few days ago at the cafe

you nodded but made sure he knew that no matter, he still got you

the coaches were upset and mad at the loss

but in the end, they all realized that this was the last game the boys would play as a team

sure, they could have practice matches and they could play again together in the future but nothing would change the atmosphere and feeling of playing the important matches

this was the team that brought them closest to nationals with placing second out of the entire country

they were a good team that somehow got defeated

but the coaches were still proud

they didnt even yell at the boys to take laps and instead brought them into a team meeting

you stood beside the coaches, your own sniffles with everyone else, and listened to them talk

‘-year has been the most productive this school’s team has had in decades. i hope you all are proud of yourselves as we are proud of you. you lost so you are no longer in the competition and we talk about it tomorrow. but for now, go home and take a rest because tomorrow, we will be running laps and drills and miss y/n will be timing you until you pass out from exhaustion’

you blankly looked at the coaches bc you thought this would be a heartwarming talk but quickly turned into a threat

‘but thats for tomorrow. so go home and rest up. expect what is to come’

you were just wanting to leave lmao

like you wanted to hurry home and make something for the guys to eat tomorrow

just do something to make them at least smile

the guys were quietly packing up and you watched them with trembling eyes at their dismissal

you wanted them to stay longer

stay here and laugh and mess around

like tsumu poking kita and pretending he didnt

or mimi talking about something and aran staring blankly at him but he’s really sleeping with his eyes open and startling him awake

‘guys!’

you shouted

they all stopped and turned to look at you

‘hm?’

hitoshi asked

you hurriedly looked around to find something to stall them here and you noticed the cherry blossom tree that’s blooming

must be the time of the year

‘l-lets! have a-take a picture! outside! by the tree!’

you pointed and they looked at each other

you were acting strangely

but they were simps for you so they just nodded and went outside

they didnt even complain and went to stand out in front of the tree

you had your phone and pulled it to the camera app to raise it to get the team in the frame

they looked sad and tired and worn out but they were still trying to joke around and have natural smiles

‘closer, you guys! bunch in closer!’

you motioned with one hand but they stopped

‘um? y/n? aren’t you gonna join us?’

ren asked but you shook your head

‘its? for you guys? besides, no one will take it for us, silly’

the boys insisted on you prop it up on a bench over there because they wanted you there with them

‘hey, come here! lets all be in it!’

aran shouted and you had no choice but to follow them

the boys had to stand closer to the camera as the bench was a ways ahead of the tree but dont worry, the tree is still there

they wanted you in the front bc they were all taller than you but they really wanted to showcase you

you were their manager and the person who took care of them

they treasure you so much

‘smile!!!’

someone shouted and the timer hit zero and the picture was taken

sure, their school’s motto was that they didnt need things like memories

to not have anything tying you down to the past and to challenge yourself with everyone focusing on the future ahead

in years from now, you could just be another thing from their past and nothing else

but they would be damned if that happened

any fragment of you to remind them of the best time of their youth and the person who loved them more than anyone else did

so yea, sure they wanted to represent their school’s motto

but this time

they can make an exception

a/n: HII!!!! IM BACK AND SUDDENLY IM ABLE TO WRITE AND FINISH THIS I SWEAR I CANT BELIEVE IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO PUBLISH THIS I CANT WITH THIS YALL IM LOWKEY DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF AND IM ASHAMED IM SO SORRY

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! headcanons #inarizaki #inarizaki x reader #inarizaki imagines #inarizaki scenarios #haikyuu manager #haikyuu!! manager #inarizaki manager #inarizaki fluff #manager inarizaki #manager!inarizaki

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griffintail · 3 years

Note

I watched this really cute anime movie about a deaf girl recently, and it gave me an idea I thought you might like!!

What if Tommy had a kid (how he came upon the child is irrelevant) who was deaf? Music, especially the discs are a big thing for Tommy, so it’d be a big adjustment for him to realize “Oh yeah, they can’t hear this”. He learns sign language with a LOT of help from others cause he wants to be able to communicate with his kid, and he and his kid sometimes gossip and tease people using sign language cause aside from a few basic signs, no one really knows what those two are talking about; well..maybe Tubbo knows, only cause he was the one Tommy spent the most time learning sign with.

Bonus, what if when his kid’s a little older they decide they wanna hear the discs their dad talks about, so they ask Uncle Techno to help them craft something akin to hearing aids; but y’know with magic and stuff. And when they hear their dad’s discs for the first time they cry cause it’s even better than they ever could have imagined??

I just, I like the fluffy stuff!!

- from, an Anon Who Probably Has Cavities From All This Sweetness🍬🍭🍫

To Hear

Summary: Tommy cares for a deaf, child (Y/N).

Pairings: Parental! Platonic! Tommy x Deaf! Child! Reader

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: Bruh, I was so excited to make this I did in a few hours. I have been thinking about this since you sent it in. I use some elements from Lost Ones but it’s soo not canon to my story.

*Any full sentences in Italics means they’re talking in Sign Language.*

I hope you enjoy it ♥

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tommy didn’t know.

How was he supposed to?

He’d never met anyone that was deaf and didn’t know the signs. (Y/N) was also a baby when he first got her, not exactly like she could go, hey, I can’t hear.

So, he didn’t know for ages. He really didn’t know what he was doing raising a baby, so when she wasn’t talking by the age of one, he thought it could be a normal thing. He was worried but it could be normal! Babies weren’t super smart after all.

It was Wilbur that figured it out.

When he had come to visit his brother and found out he had a baby, of course, they sat down and had a serious talk about it, said baby still happily playing with her toys despite the yelling earlier. After Wilbur realized his brother wasn’t going to simply give up this child, especially after a year of work, he decided he might as well accept it. So, he went over to the child and sat next to her.

“Hi (Y/N).” Wilbur smiled lightly.

The child didn’t react though, having not noticed someone was next to her. Wilbur frowned slightly at this and put a hand on her arm, making her look at him now.

“Hi, little lady.” He greeted her again.

She made little babbles to him as she turned back to her toys.

“What words does she know?” Wilbur asked curiously, a small smile on his face again as he remembered when Fundy was a child.

“Uh, none yet. I can’t get her to say any. She likes making sounds but not much else.” Tommy admitted.

Wilbur looked at him surprised and Tommy knew now that this wasn’t normal if Wilbur had that face.

“You said she’s one, right?”

“Y-Yeah.” He nodded nervously.

His little girl wasn’t saying words and Wilbur looked concerned. Had he screwed up with his little one?

Wilbur looked back at (Y/N) though, his mind at work.

“(Y/N).” He said, but she once more didn’t look at him. “Tommy, does she ever respond to her name?”

“I mean, sometimes. Not all the time.”

“When she does respond, are you right in front of her?” Wilbur looked up at him.

Tommy thought about it before nodding slowly. “Yeah.”

“Does she ever get scared by your yelling? Or anyone’s yelling for that matter. Loud noises?”

“Not really, w-what has this got to do with anything?” Tommy questioned.

“…Tommy, I think (Y/N)’s deaf.”

Tommy stood there for a moment before shaking his head. “No, no, you’re wrong. She makes noises and things like that. She wouldn’t make them if she couldn’t hear them. And-And we relax to my discs all the time, they calm her down.”

Wilbur stood up, putting a hand gently on his brother’s shoulder. “She’ll still make sounds, but she won’t be able to form words, Tommy. She would have said any sort of word before now. She can also feel vibrations, they probably feel nice but she can’t hear any of it.”

At the moment, Tommy couldn’t form words as he stared at his brother trying to deny what he said, but…it made sense. Tommy could never get her to respond to her name. She never really seemed to care when he’d try and teach her how to speak. When he and Tubbo were being loud, she never even flinched. Even a small moment when he had been shouting and swearing profanities when she was napping came to mind as he remembered she never even woke up to that.

“My baby’s deaf.” He whispered. “What…I…God, how didn’t I notice?!”

“Calm down Tommy.” Wilbur took both of Tommy’s shoulders. “You’re a smart kid and you’ve been doing this for a year. You can figure it out and I’ll help you with it. I’m sure Tubbo will too.”

From there, it was a lot for Tommy to process. He had just gotten used to the fact he was taking care of a child; now he had to think several steps ahead and make sure he was ready when she got older. It was a shock to his best friend as well, that felt stupid too for not realizing it sooner, and they both took steps to figure it out.

There were countless days where instead of going out and adventuring, Tubbo and Tommy practiced having sign language conversations with each other. Other days, Tommy would try and teach (Y/N) simple sign words so she could now start to ask for what she wanted. The relief he felt when she actually started to pick up was immeasurable. He nearly cried when she signed dad to him for the first time without him teaching her.

When L’Manberg was starting to be formed, he made sure everyone within their walls knew how to talk basics with his child in case she needed anything from them. Tommy never liked leaving (Y/N) with anyone but himself and Tubbo and Wilbur, but when war came, things changed and he had to make sure his baby was being taken care of properly.

Somethings that Tommy did became said with the new thought.

Tommy still did his daily ritual with (Y/N), sitting with her and listening to a music disc. His heart broke a little each time now though as when they listened together, he realized every time before he was the only one listening to them. She couldn’t hear a single note. That frustrated him to no end some days as he wished his baby could hear such beautiful sounds but there was nothing, he could do to change it.

Years went on. L’Manberg was independent from the Dream SMP, Wilbur and Tommy were in power, Tommy had one of his discs back from Dream from a little scam, and (Y/N) was eleven years old.

“Can we go see Uncle Tubbo?” (Y/N) asked Tommy.

“Yeah, in a bit. Got to finish writing this for Wilbur. Bitch is so lazy.” Tommy smirked before going back to writing.

Wilbur looked over at the sounds of (Y/N)’s giggles.

“What are you doing Tommy?” He asked his brother.

“Nothing Wilbur,” Tommy called to him.

“He’s president, tell him to get off his lazy arse.”

Tommy had to put a hand over his mouth as Wilbur raised an eyebrow.

“What did she just say? She was going too fast for me.”

“Just a stupid joke Wilbur.” Tommy grinned as he gave (Y/N) a subtle thumbs up.

The older man shook his head as he went back to his potions as Tommy finished writing. Putting the book away, Tommy nodded his head for the door of the van and both he and (Y/N) left. She wore her own L’Manberg uniform as they walked down the path towards Tubbo’s home.

“It still sucks his old house is gone. I liked it.”

“Yeah, but what are you going to do when you have a power-hungry green bitch?”

(Y/N) giggled again as they got to Tubbo’s house, Tommy barging in.

“Tubbo!” He called.

Tubbo poked his head out from where he was gathering up a few things and smiled.

“Hey, Tommy! Hey (Y/N).” Tubbo greeted them.

“Hi, Uncle Tubbo. Did you get any new bees?”

“I did, they’re with the rest of the hive. You can go see them, just don’t scare them.”

“I know. I’ll be back dad!”

Tommy gave her a salute and she was gone.

“She been doing ok?” Tubbo asked.

“Yeah, she’s been pretty good.” Tommy grinned. “She talked shit about Wilbur in front of him and it was pretty funny.”

“I still can’t believe you taught her to swear.” Tubbo shook his head as he went back to his chests.

“It’s hilarious! No one else knows what we’re saying but you!”

“That’s because I learned with you. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t know either.” Tubbo reminded him. “Jack figure it out yet?”

“No.” Tommy rolled his eyes.

A few of the new members of L’Manberg and the Dream SMP struggled to remember (Y/N) was deaf and often startled her or would simply walk up to her and try and just simply talk. The little girl struggled with her deafness sometimes as she was different from everyone else. Tommy was always there to assure her though that she was fine the way she was.

“But hey, I was thinking about how to get my disc back from Skeppy,” Tommy mentioned.

“Oh yeah, what this time?” Tubbo asked.

(Y/N) came back in smiling as Tommy and Tubbo were talking animatedly about their plan. She gave a simple clap to let them know she was there as she often did when she’d enter a room and no one noticed. They both looked over and motioned her over, talking about their plan instead in sign so she’d know what they were talking about.

They were talking about the discs again and she frowned slightly. Her father loved playing discs when they were home and she liked feeling the music but she couldn’t help but always wonder what it was like to listen to what her father could hear. To know why he liked them so much that Dream would take them from him.

A few months past and (Y/N) got herself a new uncle when he settled down close by to their homeland. Technoblade had come to see what his brothers were up to and decided to stick around for a while to see if their government got out of hand. (Y/N) wasn’t sure what that meant but she thought he was pretty cool.

One of the coolest things was that he already knew rough sign language, having needed it for one of his travels. She thrilled for her father not have to teach someone once more the basics, instead Techno taught himself how to sign better and more advanced words so he could talk to her when she was around.

She was around a decent bit of time.

As Techno was now around, Tommy liked to spar with him and (Y/N) liked to watch her father’s skills at work. Alongside that, Techno told her a few stories about his travels or just stories with the sign he taught himself. He often also lent her books for her to read in her spare time.

Tommy had never felt more grateful for his oldest brother.

Sure, he couldn’t talk shit around Techno because he’d know what he was saying, but seeing (Y/N) smile to be able to talk to someone else made up for it.

Today though, (Y/N) had to ask Techno for a favor. All of the boys and her were at Wilbur’s to just have some family time, so now was the perfect time.

“Hey Techno.” (Y/N) stood nervously in front of him as Tommy was arguing with Wilbur in the kitchen.

“Yeah?” He raised an eyebrow as he watched her.

“You know how to do enchantments and stuff right?”

“Yeah, I do quite a bit of it.”

“Are you really good at it?”

“I’d say so, why?”

“I want to hear.”

Techno leaned back in his seat watching her. She looked rather passionate about hearing.

“Why?”

She hesitated to move her hands. “Dad really likes his discs and I just.” She paused. “I want to hear what they’re like, even for a few moments to have something more with him.”

Techno gave a small smile as he nodded. “Yeah, alright. I’ll work on something when I get home. You got to go into the kitchen right now though and curse Wilbur out.”

“Easy! Deal!”

A few moments later, Tommy was dying of laughter as Techno smirked in his seat as Wilbur demanded to know what (Y/N) was saying. Wilbur knew he should have been getting more lessons from Techno.

It took Techno a few days but he managed to get small devices enchanted to hear for a few hours.

“It’d take me a lot more work to get permanent hearing. That’s a long project and I’d need some help. But these will work for a few hours before they bug out.” Techno told her as she held them in her hands, having taken her to “watch her”.

“Thank you so much Techno.”

“It’s what I do. And I guess you can start calling me Uncle.”

She grinned before putting the devices in her ears. For a moment, there was nothing, but that was because Techno made sure they were in a quiet place so she wasn’t overwhelmed. He waited before speaking.

“So?”

She jumped at the sound before smiling widely.

“I can hear!”

“Great, let’s go see Tommy.” He said as he signed along with his words.

She wouldn’t know what each word would sound like, that would take more than a few hours, so she’d still have to see sign but that wasn’t the purpose of Techno’s work. They walked back to Tommy’s base and Techno knocked on the door as (Y/N) was looking around in amazement. Tommy flung the door open, grinning to see (Y/N) was already back.

“You bored her already?” Tommy laughed, (Y/N) looking over as she smiled at the sound of her father’s voice.

“No, I only needed her to see if what I made actually worked,” Techno told him as they went into the house.

“And what the hell is that?” Tommy asked as he looked at (Y/N) as Techno’s back was turned. “How stupid was it?”

(Y/N) giggled. “You sound pretty cool dad.”

Tommy frowned, confused, as Techno leaned on a wall. “What does that mean?”

“Uncle Techno helped enchant devices that let me hear for a few hours.”

Tommy stood frozen for a moment before he snapped his head to Techno.

“Is she serious?” He asked.

“Dead serious.” Techno nodded.

Tommy looked at (Y/N) and grinned, hugging her tightly.

“You can hear!” He laughed, making (Y/N) cringe. “Oops, right. You’re not used to that.”

“I’m ok.” She told him figuring he was feeling guilty.

“She won’t understand words, remember.” Techno reminded his brother.

“Right.” Tommy nodded. “There’s so many sounds you should hear. I don’t know where to start!”

“Well, I asked Uncle Techno so I could hear your discs.”

Tommy’s eyes went wide before he grinned taking (Y/N)’s hand and pulling her to the jukebox outside.

“Wait right here.” He instructed her as he rushed back inside, Techno coming out lazily with a smile.

Tommy ran back with a familiar purple and white-colored disc. He rested it on the jukebox before speaking to (Y/N).

“This is Mellohi. It’s the disc I gave to Dream before I got it back. One of the discs I played for you all the time when you were a baby before I knew and even after. This is one of our discs.”

Tommy picked up the disc again, taking a deep breath before putting it on. He sat next to (Y/N) on the bench as the song started to play. (Y/N) sat in amazement as she felt the familiar vibrations but also heard the sound it made. Tommy had such a wide smile as he wiped the corner of his eyes of tears as he watched (Y/N)’s reaction to one of their discs.

She begged him to put on another and Tommy gladly brought out the rest of his collection, Techno having long ago left to see his mission accomplished. They spent those hours they had listening to their discs, Tommy telling Tubbo at one point and the other boy joining the two of them. The trio sat there until the enchantment ran out, but Tommy couldn’t be happier.

His baby had heard their discs and he swore to himself that he’d help Techno with whatever he needed to make it permanent.

#mcyt x reader #mcyt imagine #mcyt fanfiction #tommyinnit x reader #dreamsmp #dreamsmp x reader

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skellebonez · 3 years

Note

Hey! This is my first time doing this ! But can you wirte a scenario where in Winter's cursed AU where MK's parents try to come back and get custody again?( With prompt 14 and 45) With protective monkey dads? Have a great rest of your day! 💕

Thank you so much, I hope you like this as your first fill! It was very enjoyable to write since I had this idea months ago but never had the chance to put it down. But you’re gonna get a little more than just protective monkey dads! This is set pretty far into @winterpower98 's AU so he has a lot of people behind him.

Am I scaring you?/You may technically be an adult, but you’re still my child.

It didn’t take much guessing to figure out exactly what had made MK look like he wanted to run for the hills the second he picked up his phone. There were only a few very specific scenarios that could make him react like that now. But it was the way his face hardened and his whisper yelled into it that made Pigsy realize exactly who they were dealing with without the young man saying who it was.

Again.

“This is the third time you’ve gotten a new number for this,” he said, trying to keep his voice down. “I’ve told you already, the answer is no.”

"Tang," Pigsy whispered, nudging his favorite freeloader to get his attention better. "Go keep an eye outside. The last time they did this they showed up an hour later. If they do we're shuttering the shop early."

"On it," Tang said with a nod, standing with another nod to MK as he left.

"I am an adult, you cannot do anything to- yes I'm sure. Yes... yes, because I have a lawyer now mom!"

MK’s tone of voice made Pigsy smirk proudly. Had this been a few years ago MK would have had so much difficulty even just talking back to his parents, going quiet and shrinking into himself. Now?

He was standing up straight, speaking firmly and calmly, raising his voice a bit even. In the years Pigsy had known the young man he had changed drastically when it came to his parents. His and Tang’s attempts to raise his confidence and teach him to speak up for himself had certainly helped in that regard, but his attained abilities and strength as the Monkie Kid had no doubt given him a boost as well.

Not to mention the knowledge that not only did he have two father figures behind him... he had four (granted, Pigsy had mixed feelings for many reasons about both of them, but he’d warmed up to them when he saw how much MK had grown attached to them). Add Sandy, Mei, and Red Son to the mix?

He had a powerful group behind him to support him in whatever he needed.

"What do you mean you're already here?" MK said suddenly, drawing Pigsy's attention back from his inner thoughts.

"Whoa, hey, I said you can’t go in there!" Tang's voice suddenly rang through the entrance as someone pushed him backwards into the shop. He stumbled, almost falling flat on his rear and just barely catching himself on the counter. "You've been banned from this establishment and you know i-"

"MK," the woman who entered said as she closed her flip phone shut with a snap.

A man entered behind her, matching her in simple modern fashion. He shared MK's hair while the woman shared his eyes. It was obvious who they were to anyone seeing the three of them together.

Tang turned, shooting Pigsy a quick sorry that was met with an easy smile and a nod before the chef scowled at the two of them.

"... mom, dad," MK replied, slipping his phone into his pocket. He stood at his full height, back straight and no sign of hesitation on his face. "I told you, I'm not coming home."

"And we told you that we realized we made a mistake," his mother said, voice soft but with a softly uncertain undertone to it. Like she didn't quote believe her own words but was convincing herself otherwise. "Please, let us make it right."

"You had plenty of time to make it right all the times I tried to contact you before I became the Monkie Kid," MK said easily, practiced and firm. "Besides, I'm an adult now. You can't force me to do anything I don't want to do."

"You may technically be an adult," MK's mother said with a sigh, reaching out to grab his shoulder. "But you’re still my child."

Pigsy jumped in front of her, a sharp glare his only weapon. He knew better than to threaten these two, much like some of his more rowdy customers, but he would still put himself bodily between the young man he viewed as a son and anyone making him uncomfortable when he had the ability to do so.

"If you so much as breathe on my kid-"

"But he's not your kid now is he, pig man," MK's father sniped back, venom dripping from ever word and making the entire restaurant freeze in response.

"Excuse me," a new voice called out from behind them, a figure pressing a firm hand on his shoulder. "What were you saying to my brother?"

The reaction was instantaneous. MK’s father jumping to the side with a yelp, turning to come face to face with a less than pleasantly smiling Sun Wukong and a scowling Macaque behind him, neither bothering to keep up any semblance of a human disguise at the moment.

"I believe my student made it clear to you multiple times that he is an adult who can make his own decisions about who he wants to live with," he said coldly, moving to stand beside Pigsy with his fur raised and teeth barred in a way that could be mistaken for a smile. It certainly wasn't one if you knew anything about monkeys, though.

"Scram," Macaque chimed in, voice lower and far more threatening than anyone else in the building as he took a step forward. Though his words were fewer his tone was stronger and held just as much weight.

MK's parents took a step back in turn, stepping back into the entryway itself.

"Y-you may be his mentor," MK's mother started, her tone losing the odd uncertainty under it and gaining a frustration and confusion instead. "But I'm his mother."

"Who left him to his own devices and didn't even try to show interest in reconnecting until he made something of himself," Macaque snapped, snapping his teeth together in a warning bite as he took another step forward with a growl.

His parents stumbled back out of the shop, eyes wide and watching as MK was surrounded on either side by 4 others. Pigsy and Tang on his right, Wukong and Macaque on his left.

"Am I scaring you?" Macaque asked with a chuckle, letting out a noise of surprise when Wukong's tail touched his arm.

"I think he's got this now," Wukong said with a soft smile.

"Mom, dad," MK said with his voice still firm and sure. "I'm not coming back home with you. I'm an adult and you can't force me to come back. And if you keep trying like this I'll never give you the chance to let me chose to on my own."

The duo looked at their son, his father's eyes wide in shock and disbelief and his mother's eyes much the same with an undercurrent of... something. Something none of them could really place.

"I think we s-"

“You are not good people!" MK's dad snapped, standing up to his full height to tower over everyone else. "I caution you against this! This is your last chance to accept the damage you’ve caused! And if MK does not go back with us I will have no choice but to take further action! I will be contacting my lawyer to open a lawsuit against you and further more this will ruin your life with insurmountable debt!”

He smirked, crossing his arms over his chest in his assured victory as everyone else stared at him in shock and disbelief. Including his wife, who looked even more incredulous than any of them.

"D-debt?" MK eventually managed to get out, an unbelieving smile forming on his face. Before he started to laugh and march forward. "Debt? DEBT!? FUCK your debt! We'll take our chances DAD, Monkey King has a treasure trove and the best lawyer in all of China so take your debt and STUFF IT!" He raised both middle fingers toward his parents before jumping up to grab the handle of the shutter door and slam is shut before either of his parents could rush back in.

"INSURMOUNTABLE DEBT!" He yelled one last time, almost manically before sitting at a nearby table and covering his face with his hands as he burst into laughter. "I-I just- you can't threaten the Monkey King of all people with financial problems how am I related to this man!?"

The two pairs of parental figures looked at each other before laughing themselves, finding it difficult not to follow in MK's lead given how ridiculously that tense situation ended.

"You handled that pretty damn well, MK," Wukong said with proud smile as he ruffled his student’s hair.

"It's a lot easier when I know I have a bunch of dads and pops to back me up," he replied with a smile.

#monkie kid #lego monkie kid #fanfic #prompt fill #gen fic #found family #ensemble cast #sometimes parental relationships can be repaired #sometimes they can't #sometimes its better to let your kids choose #i have projected a bit sorry #cursed au

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guardianspirits13 · 3 years

Text

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

#bnha 203 #bnha spoilers #long post #natsuo todoroki #todoroki natsuo #bnha meta #mymeta #todoroki touya

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