#if I see another creator like myself on here talk about how they feel pressured to not write or draw a loving or happy Boone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

quanticq · 8 months

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Hey Q! Sorry for bothering you, but for some reason I can no longer find any of your tik tok accounts 😭 Did they get deleted or something?

Hi this is Q! I’m coming out of the woodwork to address this, since I did went radio silent out of the blue so it’s not a bother at all

The short answer is Yes, I deleted my tiktok

Yes delete not deactivate, I’m not coming back to That app or IG or Twt, I deleted my socials except here and YouTube, I honestly felt so overwhelmed with everything, I realized I’m not even posting for myself anymore there. A lots of people crossed my boundaries time and time again I felt so helpless, bitter with myself. I guess I was just overwhelmed with the attention I got; both positive and negatives ones.

Im done and I want to start over so that’s why I’m here and on YouTube, I already posted some of these on my community tab on YT but here’s what I have in mind for the future of the content I want to create: more detail under the cut, and also;

CW: very brief mention of spiraling, harm inflict oneself or others, paranoia, etc

•Long-form content: my attention span is a bit messed up from consuming and making short-form content to the point where I can’t focus in university. I want to create something meaningful. It’s not that my previous content was not meaningful, no. I had fun and no time is wasted when I have fun, it was warm… but as I mentioned earlier, I just felt this lingering bitterness the longer I stayed making those short-form content. It really felt like I was on the verge of losing it. Especially with how the bigger following I have the less people think of me as a person than just another content creator you see on the internet,

I want to create long-form content, I’m so tired of forcing myself to generate 15 second content. On tiktok it just feels like I’m just creating and not really connecting. I want to try something new, maybe create an open space for meaningful discussion in the comments. I don’t think I can stand another copy-paste tiktok comment anymore. You know what I meant if you’re frequent on that app.

•Art Content with Commentary: and don’t worry this won’t be those petty artist drama issue, but I will still cover anything serious

it could be love letters or video essays ranging from fan fictions, fandom culture, the art scene and so much more. I may even share a bit of my personal life, this will be self indulgent after all! I want to make it fun for myself and as well to those who comes across my channel. I really REALLY want to create a genuine following.

On tiktok it’s so easy to gain following but not so easy to retain them, it’s mostly because of the algorithm and the FYP feature there.

On Tiktok most content that would get featured as an artist there would be creative work has to be either; more than exceptional which is pressuring enough already to consistent posters, straight up suggestive content shown to minors (tiktok doesn’t really have a blocked keywords feature but it’s so disheartening to see these creators intentionally not using the sensitive warning since it could limit their reach significantly) oh yes we can’t forget the negativity surrounding beginner artists or “art lore”

All of this cesspool of negativity, it’s a whole can of worms but it will be one of my prominent topics that I wish to discuss in my future art commentaries. I hope you guys are looking forward to those! I might bring in a few people or so to talk about it with me

and finally;

•Streaming: I used to do a lot of streams during the weekends on the clock app and it was super fun! I want to bring that back but that would have to wait since I’m unfamiliar with some features on YouTube, and I’m aware that YT does not have a discoverable feature for stream but that’s alright, I want to start something small first.

In short; I’ll figure it out! just need some baby steps before I start streaming again.

I apologize for deleting everything out of the blue, if I’m gonna be honest it was partially planned because I’ve been thinking about deleting my tiktok, twitter and Instagram for a while now but how it happened? In my breakdown I realized that I don’t want anyone to see me spiral, especially now that I realized how young my audience are, I’m not sure how that happened but I guess posting fandom contents does attract the young ones somehow inevitably, even though my content is nowhere near as suggestive, but I do talk about serious topics from time to time… but I digress, its not fair for them to deal with me if they see me spiral publicly,

it is especially not fair to them to console me. When I was younger than 14, I’ve been in a position where I have to talk down someone who was older, maybe 4-5 years older than me, from harming themselves or anyone, it was traumatizing and unpleasant. I don’t wish for anyone to go through that, it’s very painful.

It’s been… hard for me to ground myself. Ive been seeing things through a kaleidoscope of emotions; I was trying to focus on everything but it’s just too overwhelming so eventually I cracked. But please don’t worry I’ve been doing better now, after some time away from my online persona, and of course spending time with my beloved girlfriend, I see things much more clearly now.

Thank you to anyone who read this and much so appreciate those who understand where I’m coming from

Also now that I think of it can my stuff be considered as lost media now? Amazing! But please don’t be sad the fun I had was genuine!

Thank you again to those who genuinely enjoyed my content on tiktok but it’s time for me to try my hand at something new, I will still be dwelling in my creative headspace just.. away from public for now,

if you’re looking forward for my future post, make sure to check out my YouTube! I still have a lot I need to cook hehe, this is one of the few!

More post soon, Bye bye! -Q

#vent #mental health #mentions of unhealthy habits #I’m not sure how to tag these but I’ll try my best!#social media #q myers #tiktok #burnt out #creative fatigue #sorry for the rant #rant #content creator #art community

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ammoniteflesh · 1 month

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15 Lines of Dialogue: Ghila Mahariel

Thank you for the tag, @theluckywizard!! I opted for Ghila - which was a challenge, because she doesn't tend to wax poetic. I dipped into the as-yet-unpublished bits of TPoAB for this, so consider this a ~sneak preview~. Also: CW for suicidality.

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well! No-pressure tagging: @dragonologist-phd @breadedsinner @queenaeducan and @transprincecaspian!

I almost died. Twice. I was force-fed Darkspawn blood. I keep seeing things when I close my eyes. All blood and guts and music louder than I can think. My whole life… the shape of it. It’s all different now.

I don’t know much, I’m afraid. None of us do. But… I know enough to teach, just a little. If you want to learn.

Yes, we’ll help. Mythal willing. We'll get you through this.

This is the longest I have ever been around shem- humans. Have you seen the state they’re in? I’m not cowering. I’d never cower. But I’m behind enemy lines, and I need them not to hate me, and there’s nothing I can do.

I spent half of Ostagar distraught and the other half unconscious.

Oh, Creators, lethallin. Lethallin. I missed you. How has it been so long?

No, I’m sure. I could feel it. I could feel the Blight in the act.

Losing you. It hurts me. Every day. It’s like I lost myself. And I don’t know who I’ve been, since then. But it hasn’t been me. It hasn’t been your lethallan. It’s been somebody else.

What do you want me to say? I’m tired. I’m ready for the end.

Maybe, just maybe. This wasn’t about you at all.

Frankly, I hate you all.

Let me end it. Please. Please just let me die.

It’s good. To have another elf here. Kind of.

If you want to talk about Duncan – I… I don't know if I can make myself mourn him. But I can listen. I'm willing to do that much.

You’re right. I’m not [sorry].

#speak faust #faust writes #ghila mahariel #tag games #cw suicidality

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inkabelledesigns · 9 months

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Fanwork creators self rec! When you get this, reply with your five favorite fics/art/podfics/etc. that you've made, then pass on to others. Let’s spread the self-love 🌼

(No pressure if you don't want to though!)

Star, thank you so much for sending me this! Delighted to be included and honored to be asked! While I don’t have a ton of fics out there (and some of my favorite parts of them aren’t even public yet) I think we can pick out five I really love. And I’ll encourage all of you to share works that you love from your own libraries! Please share, I wanna see what brings you joy!

Raindrops and References

If you thought I wasn’t gonna include this one, you had another thing coming Star. XD One, thank you for letting me explore your world through my own lens, and two, thank you for your kind words. I wrote this fic when I was just getting back into writing, and it was an early step in learning to write for my own enjoyment after having been expected to create for others for years. It was satisfying and fun for me, and I’m glad it’s been that for you and so many others as well. I still get emails of people leaving a Kudos on this from time to time, it’s wild. X’’’D Sometimes you give a gift and get an unexpected one in return. I’m still glad I wrote this, it made a positive difference.

Trapped in His Web

I don’t know if this one is still canon to Step Right Up, but regardless, I’m still honored to be a part of @bertrumstrousers wonderful circus world. Thanks for letting me write for Jacob and the make-up and costume department Giandark, it’s a treat and I love them so much. It was such a good time getting into Jacob’s head and Bertrum’s, and the horror and transformation elements of this story brought me so much joy.

The Kraken’s Labyrinth

One day I will pick this up again, now that I have a clearer idea of what to do with it (thanks Audrey). XD It was inevitable that I was gonna put Bendy and merfolk together, with a little sprinkling of Samsie, but I didn’t expect how much joy this was gonna bring to the table. Still love this world a lot.

Searching the Depths - The Heart of the Studio

Ah yes, my “magnum opus” fic. Of course I have this as a favorite. XD I have a lot of fun working with the entire Bendy cast and my silly little OCs. I’m letting myself learn to just let go and have fun, and this fic continues to teach me everyday what I want in a story. It means so much that you guys have loved Bella and co, thank you. <3

Richard the Keeper - The Studies of 214

My most recent fic and a surprisingly strong source of brainrot as of late. If you like witty banter, unethical science, and Bendy levels of shenanigans, highly recommend this one! It’s got three chapters now with a focus on Richard, a keeper, running experiments to unlock the secrets of how the ink works, with the help of Bella, his prisoner and one of our cyclebreaker protagonists. Richard and Bella have such a fun dynamic, Sammy has been a delight to write in this one, and Wilson? Oh he’s horrible, I love writing him too. XD Please get me to talk about this one more, I’m having a blast with it.

Honorable Mention:

The Role I Was Made For

Not so much a fic as it is an audio skit! This started out as a dialogue test to see if I could voice Audrey and a cartoon Bendy (I blame Erin Lehn for putting the question out to the community of what Baby Benders might sound like, that’s what sparked this). It turned into a much deeper script about what makes a Bendy, and how Bendy and Audrey feel about who they are. It needs some heavy editing, but it’s one of the best scripts I’ve written in a long time. I’d say I like it just as much as Break Time, and another collaborative skit that hasn’t come out yet. Stay tuned, your girl got to co-write something awesome and perform as a very animated Susie Campbell, I look forward to when that’s ready to be heard. XD

Here’s sending you all the good vibes! Go take some time to reflect on what you love about your work, it’s very rewarding.

#bendy fanfic #favorite fanfics #bendy fanfiction #askbox

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lee-minhoe · 1 year

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✨ content creator year in review ✨

tagged by @alrightyaphroditie @ambivartence @chanrizard love you all <3333 🥺🥺

1. first creation / most recent creation

my very first gifset ever was this one where jaemin freaks out after he realizes he talked about strawberries haha. my most recent set is this one of lee know's eyes :)

2. one of your favorite creations

hmmm honestly, even though they often don't get the most notes (or many at all), my fav creations are actually the ones i make for my moots bc i love seeing them love something made for them 🥺(and seeing them lose it in the tags hahaha) for example, this hyunminsung set; this soft lino set (and the infamous siyuan bias list set i made though i think there have been some new additions in the past month LOL); this changbin set; this tyong set

3. a creation you're really proud of

any of my comp sets!! apple hair lino, glasses lino, bw cap lino, shit lino says, the lino mood sets. i love making them, but they take a while and it's really nice to see the resulting set

4. a creation that took you forever

this lino maniac one took quite a while because i wanted to make all the clips move in sync, sometimes it works on my computer and not my phone so idk if it actually worked lol but had a lot of fun pain making that one

5. the creation that received the most notes

my first linotonin set, i am blown away by it but also maybe not surprised hahaha while we're here i will also plug my linotonin pt 2 and my linotonin in video form lol in case anyone needs a little linotonin in their life rn

6. a creation you think deserves more notes

like kass and sa and siyuan have all already said better, i don't think i necessarily deserve any notes because we're all here screaming about kpop in our little corners of the internet so it's not that deep lol, i'm glad if people like my sets and it brings them joy like it did for me to make them but i make sets because i want to <3 though i certainly appreciate the nice tags that people leave of course

that being said, i am still so shocked that this set received so many notes, like I GET WHY but i truly was just putting some random clips of lino that i liked from that skz talker hahaha. so i guess that just goes to show you, even if you do care about the notes it is hard to predict how many a set is going to get. so i try to remind myself to just enjoy the process :)

7. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it

oh man there were a looot of new groups but the big ones would be skz and txt (it truly does not feel like i joined those fandoms only last year in 2022). also nine.i !! some other groups too like n.flying, xdh, oneus, though i haven't made any sets for those. i also started to learn tbz and mx, and learned ateez and p1h names by osmosis thanks to siyuan lmao so you can thank her for the fact that i have now listed 9 new groups even though the question only asked for one

also!! k-actors!! :D

8. a creation you made that breaks your heart

lino eyes set because they make me melt

9. a "simple" creation that you really love

haha.....this was my pinned post for a while (sorry jaemin)

10. a creation that was inspired by another one

the lino mood sets inspired by this one, this mark set inspired by @tyongsies taeyong set hehe

11. a favorite creation created by someone else

there are literally so many i wouldn't even know where to start!! though i will give a special shoutout to nini's secret santa set for me because it is so amazing

12. favorite content creators for the year

okay here we go: @agibbangs @alrightyaphroditie @ambivartence @changbeens @chanrizard @chanstopher @chenleyah @dearlyminhyung @ggthydrangea @hyunebear @hyunpic @jinniebit @jisungsjaistandjeekies @leemarkies @minchanz @minzbins @ohoshi @potatzu @shorelinnes @snug-gyu @strayklds @tyongsies @yyukhei (this also serves as a tag if you haven't done it and want to, no pressure. otherwise this is just a hi and hug from me, love yall <3

#okay this just makes me look like a crazy lino blog #is there even a question here that doesn't have 'lino' in my answer #but i mean honestly it's true so oh well 🙃 EMBRACING IT #also no obligation to do this if u dont want to since it is literally almost february #this was fun to do though ty for the tags friends <3 #tag game

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dualityvn · 2 years

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i am giving myself a brain break from my other obligations by writing you another unhinged theory post. (and because i miss sending you these wait who said that) enjoy <3

ight so, i was close last time and my main points then were [redacted] and [redacted] (bc i don't know if this is gonna be closer or not so i dunno if ur gonna post it) since one of those points has been all but confirmed due to recent ask answers and you not posting my theory, im gonna skip right over top of it. ( i am trying to be vague you'll get the picture)

So instead were gonna talk about the part im pretty sure i got wrong, or at least not close, which is where Tenebris/ maybe Keith? still up in the air on if Keith is aware when he's not in direct control, go when not physically present in the world. Due to being able to give ask answers more weight now i do think Tenebris is at least visible to most other people. It could be that as they've both grown, Tenebris has become able to hide his presence a little bit better, resulting in Keith being able to have negative relationships with his exs because why else would anyone think to hurt the poor flower boy when he has a literal monster standing behind him. unless they were just stupid, which is a very real possibility because of the aforementioned being mean to the sweet and adorable Keith. Tenebris' general existence provides some reasoning behind Keiths' parents actions, once again not excusing them because they suck and i hate them, but in one of the asks you said that their relationship with Keith would probably have at least been better if they had only had Keith alone, they didn't want Tenebris too. (which once again sucks i get that its not the ideal situation to have some sort of violent 'monster' living a very attached life with your son but maybe if you had treated them both with human decency and they wouldn't be such 'monsters' huh? bet you didn't think about that did you. god i hate them)

Moving on.

Sudden thought that was Not planned for this, but what if the line "he is speaking, speaking for me" from the song means like, Tenebris can see the world when he's not physically present but cant talk, he has to talk through Keith. and Keith is just like, a prisoner in his own body when this happens. oooo that's neat. i had something else planned but that's a cool concept im gonna rock with that.

im fairly certain this isnt going to get posted so hi nightmare how are you. hope ur feeling better, shitty life stuff sucks, but it'll get better i pwomise mwah (that and the heart earlier are platonic btw i wouldn't wanna step on Tads creators toes and get excommunicated from the church of Tad that would be very unradical)

Speaking of Tad since this is just me talking to you now apparently, i saw the outcry for a Tad theory and while I do have Thoughts i don't have anything super concrete yet. Plus notamonsterfucker wanted to work with me on theory stuff sometime and i lov them so we're thinking about Tad Together so it'll be a bit unless your boyfriend wants to feed us some more crumbs. Thatd be pretty cool, but no pressure obviously. This isn't a Tad blog and i as much as i enjoy Tad, i enjoy Keith and Tenebris more so keep making what you wanna make and i will continue to stew on your vagueness.

uuhh not much theory there at the end but yeah. also this received even less than my usual amount of proofreading because it is nearly midnight here and i am Tired so if its is unreadable that is why.

goodnight

I'm gonna show this, cause it still doesn't mention their explicit situation. Last one had something that was spot on, hehe. But yeah, you're doing good, but some things are still not quite there yet

And hello, I'm doing better today, thank you for asking :D

I'm glad you guys are bonding over Tad lore, lmao. I know my bf is cooking something, cause that ending to the restaurant ad had a sus end. Or maybe he has no idea what he's doing, who knows? He's definitely enjoying the attention Tad is getting though.

#duality game #yandere #dating sim #duality theory

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its3oe · 2 years

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Extremely lengthy post ahead. Proceed with caution. It’s just another one of me talking about why I’ve grown tired with social media and am still working very hard to sever its cord wrapped around my neck. And why you could too. If you wanted. This is going to be the last one though I promise

Obviously I like, don't have a problem with people who do create and consume and all of those other potential modes of interaction with Art and Creation in this way I am about to describe so as to word why I personally find myself unable to subscribe to caring about it. But I figure it's wise enough to give my "I completely understand and respect this and think that's great as long as you're having fun" disclaimer as people on-line are prone to touchiness and upset when faced with this discussion, for whatever number of reasons, that I do not want to draw to myself unnecessarily. But I also find it very relieving and like I can find a little bit of a break from my neuroticisms and extremely slow journey from trying to un-train myself from an obsession with being social media optimized and well-liked and whatever other shit, when, people express similarly their thoughts on creation and consumption and the shrink-wrapping of that process around a very specific mold on the Internet. These sentences are way too fucking long here but I cannot find it in me to rephrase more concisely. Sorry. But. ANYWAYS:

It's quite disheartening to me, often, seeing the internet continuously trend towards like. Being a 10,000 follower fandom/OC artist being the ultimate end-goal. And people within these shrink-molded circles and communities Only consuming this kind of art and that being what Art is immediately to them. Like. I don't know there's something a little sad about it to me. I have found myself over the years (Extremely fucked up in the head guy talking here. Not that anybody's entitled to know how I am but like, there are also plenty of other people with similar -oses and -isms so I'm not worried about vaguely mentioning this to blame Myself a bit more for my situation and not Everyone on the internet because that'd be a stupid thing to say) feeling extremely pressured to conform to the standard of like, cutesy clean art or the Voltron & She-Ra Remake style or (and once more no offense intended to those who enjoy these things) Blorbo Garfield Worm on a String Rotating Fanartist or some combination or mutation thereof those and more. And for quite some time I did try my hardest to squeeze in there somehow before completely breaking down and realizing it was like. Melting my brain and that it's not actually what I wanted to do, it was just what I felt like everybody else expected of me and wanted to see of me. So that's what I did for that huge chunk of my life where I was really just initially learning how to draw and it got a bunch of insane habits jammed directly into my grey matter.

And so, after this realization happened 3 or so years ago I have since been trying to shed these ideas and, more recently, within the past year or so, I've started to see more people crop up with ideas of "Wow! This really sucks dick! I don't want to do this anymore either! I do not want to be a Content Creator or Consumed through this venue of Posts that mean little to nothing in the grand scheme of things, and especially to me personally!" and it's given me a little bit more of a drive to work harder at trying to make the weirder shit I actually want to instead of letting my insane insecurities and other worries get to me. That I am now moving towards circles where I actually see people who think similarly to me. I still have an extremely long way to go but. Obviously some people are content with doing that sort of thing forever and the more power to them, but, other people feeding into that as The Standard has, evidently, sort of fucked me and a number of other people up. My point here is not that everybody has to want to make big personal projects to be Le Real artists because that's divisive for no good reason, but that I truly do want to make comics or films or games (Sorry) or otherwise stories in weird ways that may be hard to understand or consume and take more...Effort. To look at and really absorb. Because that is really always what I have wanted to do with myself and is what sits with me at my core about Creation.

And it's funny, because, like, another huge portion of what's held me back from that is that portions of the internet also insist that you have to have a gorillion followers and 40+ engagement crystals and Patreon money enough to pay rent twice over to have made anything worthwhile. And that's gotten ingrained into me. Like. Fuck when I was a wee 13 years old I was one of those reblogs>likes people before I realized that is also only conducive to people ignoring you even more for devaluing clicking one Acknowledgement button and not the other and also that it doesn't matter anyways. I would still be happier with myself if I were actually able to see one of my tangled up mushy projects spat up into existence and had only 50 followers and one of them decided to check it out and really make an attempt to engage with it over 5000 that only want stuff that looks cute on their blog. I'd be more broke, sure, (Thank you also for 1700 followers and all of my commissioners. I love U.) but. And this really is like, the broke tortured artist corny ultimate thing to say, I would feel more fulfilled as a person. That I did something I wanted to and that That effort was viewed with intent by another.

This is getting really long now So I will leave off with: I have weird shit to make that has things to say and requires a deeper level of engagement than Social Media provides and I am still, really, working incredibly hard to get to a point where I will be able to actually carry it all out. Some of this, at present, is immutable due to circumstances in my life out of my control. But the parts that I actually can change I am choosing to grab with gusto and wring all of the blood out so I can put, um, more blood in. But blood with a sense of purpose and within "blood sweat and tears" as opposed to meaningless hemorrhaging of blood to mean the reasons I create in the first place that have just left me hollow and unsatisfied. And well. If you want to make weird things too and are also sick of social media biting and snapping at anything it can get its teeth in and shaking the life out of it. I less than three you thiiiiiis much. Thumbs up. I'll try to avoid making more posts like this in the future because it really is quite repetitive and I'm aware but I think I'd at least like to have this one up as a summary of why I am so inactive for the past while and what I'm up to. It's the personal demons. And the internet demons. Like from DOOM. My favorite is the Cacodemon.

#long post #not sure if that's repetitive with the readmore but i figure it is a good thing to let filters catch regardless

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dewitty1 · 2 years

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Here's How Dangerous It Was For Kim Kardashian To Lose 16 Pounds In 21 Days To Fit Into A Dress That Was Not Made For Her

Here's How Dangerous It Was For Kim Kardashian To Lose 16 Pounds In 21 Days To Fit Into A Dress That Was Not Made For Her https://buzzfeed.com/ehisosifo1/dietician-criticizes-kim-kardashian-met-gala-diet

During an interview with La La Anthony on the Met Gala carpet, Kim revealed that she lost 16 pounds in 21 days in order to fit into Marilyn's dress.

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When she originally tried on the dress, Kim thought it would be a little big because she thought Marilyn was a "lot curvier." However, Kim said when the dress didn't fit, she "wanted to cry because [the dress] can't be altered at all."

In order to fit into the dress, Kim revealed that she "would wear a sauna suit twice a day, run on the treadmill, completely cut out all sugar and all carbs, and just eat the cleanest veggies and protein."

In an effort to educate myself about how pervasive diet culture is and how dangerous Kim's actions were, not just to her body, but to the millions of people who look up to her, I spoke with Elaina Efird, RD, CEDRD, CSSD — the lead registered dietitian at The Kahm Clinic in Burlington, Vermont, who specializes in the treatment of eating disorders.

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A post shared by Elaina Efird (@epefird)

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First, although I could guess the answer, I asked Elaina how Kim's drastic weight loss was possible and if it was sustainable: "Losing 16 pounds in 21 days is technically possible, but only through extreme and VERY unhealthy measures such as starvation or semi-starvation," she told BuzzFeed. "It is not sustainable at all and should NEVER be the goal or attempted by an individual."

Elaina then spoke on the dangers of altering yourself to fit into clothes rather than wearing clothes that fit you. "The issues that arise from Kim Kardashian perpetuating a narrative to alter yourself to fit into a garment have many negative implications."

"Most notably, it perpetuates the narrative that you shouldn't wear clothes at your current size and that instead you should be changing your body. It perpetuates the narrative that thinner is 'better.' It perpetuates the narrative that you have to look a certain way in order to wear nice clothes, which is absolutely NOT true; you can wear nice clothes at ANY size."

There are obvious effects on one's mental health and self-esteem that this kind of thinking can have, but I also wanted to talk to Elaina about the health risks of Kim's drastic weight loss: "The health risks of what Kim did include many of the serious side effects of starvation such as altered electrolytes, dehydration, dizziness, fatigue, and lightheadedness. When you severely restrict foods like she did, you are at risk for passing out and for your essential electrolytes dropping to a point where you may need to be admitted to a hospital to replenish those electrolytes. The impact of cutting out those foods causes increased obsession, negative body image thoughts, and oftentimes, an unhealthy relationship with food and body."

I then asked Elaina, as an expert, what message she has for people who, after seeing what Kim did, might feel the pressure to also lose weight: "My message for people wanting to attempt to do what Kim K did is DO NOT DO THIS. It is a terrible example that she is setting, and her behavior is perpetuating eating disorders."

Elaina continued. "It is never OK to starve yourself under any circumstances. You should never feel bad for not looking like another person; we are all unique and have unique bodies, and that's something to celebrate. Every body is beautiful!"

Elaina concluded with her thoughts on diet culture as a whole and the effects it's had on society: "It's really sad that we are still seeing celebrities, big social media creators, and others promote horrible eating habits like Kim K did. It's even more sad that huge media outlets are sharing these diets. One of the biggest issues in social media is this idea that you should do anything in the name of weight loss, and that's a terrible narrative to perpetuate. I wish media platforms would stop doing so."

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#kim kardashian #met gala 2022 #buzzfeed #eating disorders #diet culture #marilyn monroe #Ehis Osifo #Youtube #Instagram #tw body weight #tw body image #tw eating issues #Tw eating disorders #Celebs #lifestyle #Celebrity news #Fashion #Fashion news

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wolfstar-in-color · 3 years

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June Creator Spotlight: BigBlackDog

Hello, colorful cuties, and welcome to our first creator spotlight!!

Each month, we will highlight a different creator in our lovely fandom who features diverse characterizations. We will invite you to get to know them better through questions and answers, Fandom Discourse(tm), and a featured prompt created by our guest!!!

For our first spotlight, we are more than pleased to highlight the incredible work of bigblackdog!!! See a little snippet of this wonderful interview below, along with bigblackdog’s prompt! Look below the cut for our complete interview. Don’t forget to share and interact with this post, and if you have anyone you’d like to recommend for a spotlight, shoot us an ask! You can find our first guest’s Tumblr here.

“I've experienced ups and downs in the wolfstar fandom. It often feels like the wolfstar fandom is willing to engage in discussion about every political issue but race. And the few people who are trying to talk about race consistently encounter this silence.”

bigblackdog’s prompt: I want to see more latino characters who are not impoverished or criminalized. Give me a joyful latino/e remus!

Hello, I'm bigblackdog! I'm almost 30, and I've been active in fandom on various platforms for about seven years now. I'm latina/e and live in the u.s. with a small white dog.

Q: How did you start creating in the fandom? What did you wish to bring into the fandom?

A: Like a lot of fans I started with self insert fic as a middle schooler. Sometimes the practice of self-insert gets ragged on in fandom, as if you're not doing real character work, but I think it's really cool. And if you're an under represented identity in the traditional western canon of literature, self insert is a radical practice. Making space for yourself in a story that refuses or ignores your identities is a radical act. And that's what i want to bring to fandom-- disruption and self care.

Q: What things about s/r as characters or in their relationship inspire you to create around them?

A: Wolfstar was the first queer ship I was introduced to. I wasn't someone who arrived in fandom with my own robust queer reading skills, I needed other queers to hold my hand and introduce me to queer ships and how to find them and build them. My interest in r/s was simply a clinging to queerness I wasn't finding in other places. I really think it could have been any characters, as long as they were queer.

Q: What things would you like to highlight about the Wolfstar fandom and your experience in it?

A: I've experienced ups and downs in the wolfstar fandom. It often feels like the wolfstar fandom is willing to engage in discussion about every political issue but race. And the few people who are trying to talk about race consistently encounter this silence. It's hard not to feel bitter. But i've also met some amazing people and overall feel that fans really are trying their best to be welcoming and inclusive.

Q: What type of content do you wish you saw more in the fandom?

A: I want to see more discourse that aims at amplifying underrepresented voices like wolfstar-in-color. I want to see more fans of color joyfully and irreverently writing themselves into the magical world!

Q: What is your favourite wolfstar fancontent (fic/fanart/gifset/etc) and how does it inspire you?

A: I love dontthinkonithermione's rp. Not only does she do an amazing nerdy know it all Hermione, she envisions Black characters in every corner of the hp world. Have you seen her Hogwarts p.e. professor rps? i love the space she creates for herself, and the joy she does it with.

Q: Which of your own identities inform your creative processes? How has that process been for you?

A: I started out in fandom really trying to feel out the nooks and crannies of being queer. As i've spent more time in fandom and become more confident in my queerness I've started looking closer at some of my other identities-- Latina, mixed, adhd-- and how i can squeeze them into the hp world. For a long time it was hard, especially with being Latine and mixed, to envision how that identity could belong in a 90s British boarding school in the Scottish wilderness. I also really struggled with the feeling that i would get "diversity" wrong. I’ve also struggled with feeling like I have to write diversity because i'm an underrepresented voice. Brown people are often pressured to do the work of educating white people about racism and in fandom spaces that often means pressure to write the reality of racism instead of the fantasy that white writers get to play with. And sometimes i just want to write a pwp without worrying about the revolution, you know? But i really love fandom for its refusal to play by the rules of capitalism and canon, eventually i started to feel like putting more of myself into my writing was another rule i could break.

Q: What advice do you have for other content creators with diverse backgrounds in the fandom? What would you say to people that might feel they don’t have the “right” history/experience/characteristics to participate in the creation of content related to Wolfstar?

First, there's a lot of content on tumblr that aims to silence your voice, learn how to recognize the difference between cancel culture and encouragement. Sometimes content that seems well meaning still presents writing diversity as a list of black and white rules (and virtue signaling) instead of encouragement for underrepresented voices to share their own messy experience. Set those rules gently aside. Second, fandom is built on the idea that the author isn't the only person who gets to play. we all get to play. It doesn't always feel like we were invited, but the great thing about fandom is there is no barrier to entry, no prior experience or publishing hoops to jump through. This is our playground too. If canon is dead then why can't our stories be brown and queer and neurodivergent? Third, find your people. i've found that having just one other person to talk about race with has made the whole space feel more welcoming.

Q: How could we build a more diverse fandom?

A: We have to stop prioritizing white and cis male voices. We recognize that policing irl is a problem inextricable from whiteness and maleness, but we don't see that fandom policing online is also a problem deeply embedded in whiteness and maleness. White and cis male people frequently use their discomfort with difficult topics to change the subject from a critical discussion to one that prioritizes their white and/or male feelings. The same thing happens online when personal discomfort is used to cancel or undermine content that's challenging to a white or male voice. White and cis male voices are used to having their needs met above others. And we still cater to that in fandom spaces when we privilege 'fetishization' discourse over racial discourse. When we lift up bipoc and women/trans/nb voices and the issues they're concerned with we'll make fandom a more welcoming place for underrepresented voices.

Q: What’s your favourite thing to modify in Sirius’s or Remus’s characterizations to bring new perspectives to them?

A: It really depends on the story i'm writing and what issue i'm trying to figure out. Sometimes i need Sirius to be Adhd to come to terms with my brain, sometimes i need two brown boys to fall in love and be happy against all odds.

Q: What does diversity mean to you? What does that encompass in fannish spaces?

A: This is a hard question! I tend to think of diversity as those voices that are disenfranchised or pushed to the margins. And fannish spaces have all the same hierarchies and blind spots as other spaces. In fannish spaces there's the idea that you can curate your experience to some extent, but for marginalized voices, at least in my experience, no matter how much you curate the marginalization is still there.

Q: What are your ideas about the notions of culture and ethnicity? How do you relate to those notions?

A: There was a time in my life where relating to my ethnicity was largely a process of recognizing larger systems of oppression and how they worked against my various identities. And for a while it was a really helpful way to frame my experiences. Now I feel a little less attached to ethnicity as like, a monolithic concept threaded through my whole life and more attached to the small things that I enjoy about my ethnicity and culture-- making a really good pot of beans, for example.

Q: Leave us with a quote or work of art that always inspires you.

A: "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." Audre Lorde

#creator spotlight #bigblackdog #bigblackdogfic #wolfstar #fandom #diversity

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levihan-drabbles · 3 years

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Hey guys !!! I hope everyone in this wonderful fandom is doing amazing <3 Recently, my friend and I have come up with a very interesting and fun event that we're hoping you all would like to participate in. We haven't really seen surprise prompts and drabble weeks for Levihan before, so we decided to make one! Also a very fun contest with cool awards too.

Getting straight to the point, the reason why this event is different from an usual prompt week is because we are only going to be focusing on drabbles here. (And also because the prompts won't be predetermined and given to you beforehand)

(Note: this is also open to artists and other content creators. We will be making another post tomorrow explaining how the event works for them. Till then, the writers can continue)

✒ A drabble is a short work of fiction of precisely one hundred words in length. The purpose of the drabble is brevity, testing the author's ability to express interesting and meaningful ideas in a confined space. (YeS I stole it from google)

As a writer myself, due to the limited word limit, drabbles can be a bit of a struggle sometimes, and that is primarily the reason why this whole event is also somewhat more of a writing practice (other than the fact that we need to get those numbers on AO3 up haha)

Without wasting much time, let's get straight into the details, and how this is really going to work, what are surprise prompts and the contest and its awards of course.

▶ How long are your entries really supposed to be? Well Google says 100 words but that's way too unfair so your fic should be = to or under 1000 words. The maximum you can go up to is 1500.

▶ Are there any certain prompts/themes these drabbles should be on? Yes, and that's what we are going to talk about next.

▶ And what are surprise prompts? Okay so remember back when in school, your annoying math teacher would take a surprise quiz out of nowhere without informing you? Yeah something like that but its not that bad. Also, its a lot more fun than math.

Basically your prompts will be given to you a day before you need to post them. so its really just a writing practice and there is no pressure, so don't think about the quality or something. This is about scribbling down something quick without a lot of planning.

The prompts are also going to be chosen from an OTP prompt generator, so they are going to be uhm interesting and fun to work.

We have a theme for each day (like angst, fluff etc) and the mods will choose 4 random prompts beforehand for each of these days. At the time of giving the prompts to the participants, we will run a machine to choose one randomly out of the 4. So even the mods don't know what the actual prompt is going to be for the day.

The themes for each day (except Wednesdays and Thursdays, we will get to them later)

Angst Mondays

Trope Tuesdays

Fluff Fridays

Comic Saturdays (this is for the artists, so you can ignore it)

Smut Sundays

Now, here's the challenge (and probably my favorite part about the event) -- The prompts you get are not exclusively going to be in accordance with the themes for each day.

For example, you can definitely get this for Angst Mondays :

Prompt : "Levi having to rescue Hange from a pack of kittens/puppies."

Now its up to you, with the power of levihan on your side, to write an angsty drabble based on this prompt, (okay fine, the prompts probably won't be this off bat but still)

**Exception, : for trope Tuesdays, you won't be getting a prompt but a particular trope like (enemies to lovers, protective levi, caring hange etc)

▶ What time will you exactly get the prompt then? So basically, if Levihan drabble week begins on Tuesday, 25th May, you will getting your trope (prompt for the other days) around Monday afternoon-ish. And you are allowed to post until Tuesday midnight, before Wednesday begins. (Wednesday and Thursday are contest days which we will talk about later, so you don't have to worry about getting another prompt on Tuesday and finishing it on Wednesday itself)

▶How will you get your prompt? And any other details? We'll be making another post later where we will dive deep into the timezone specifics and how you will get the prompt, and what you will tag your posts with so we can see your stuff and reblog it.

You will get the prompt for fluff Friday around Thursday afternoon, and then the writers will have a break as Saturday is for artists. Friday night, you will get the prompt for smut Sunday you will have Saturday as a break in between before posting your smut on Sunday.

The same formula applies to angst Mondays.

1st June, Tuesday, last day of the week will be the prize day. We are gonna talk about the prize day in the next section.

Wednesday and Thursdays (The contest days)

So, first of all, this is optional. If you are participating in the rest of the drabble week, its okay if you leave to opt out of the contest. Similarly, you can also just participate in the contest and not do the other days. It's up to you.

The people participating in the contest would be divided into two groups. There are going to be two winners.

Suppose we have group 1 and group 2, a random participant from each group will be chosen. This chosen participant is called the selector. Its purely luck and a machine that chooses the selector. The selector gets to choose a prompt (from a list the mods will give them) Suppose the said selector is from group 1, then the prompt they chose will be given to group two, and everyone in group two have to write on that. The selector from group two will do the same thing for group 1 members.

All of the preparation for the contest will be done beforehand, and the selectors will be informed before the week begins. The selected prompts will be given to both groups Tuesday night. By Thursday evening their works should be posted.

The word limit for Contest Drabbles can be extended to 3000 words. This is ONLY for the contest.

After all works are submitted by Thursday evening, there will be a voting period which will stretch till 1st June, Tuesday. During this period, group 1 will read group 2's stuff, and group 2 will do the same for group 1. Then they will vote for their favorite fics accordingly, the fic with the maximum votes from both groups wins. The mods will be supervising this, and reading the stuff too.

▶How do we vote? All the details related to voting will also be explained in a different post.

▶What are the awards? Okay, so one thing unique about drabble week is that there are going to be no permanent mods. We will probably have these events rather frequently, and the mods will change for each event. The mods will decide the awards so different awards for different months.

This month, the gifts are :

Well detailed and long comments on 2 chapters of a fic of your choice. These can also be two different one shots if you want.

Beta reading for a few (3-4 chapters) for any fic the winner wants (the other details can be discussed in dms)

The winners will have the opportunity/chance to become mods for the next week, next month. This is also a great way to make new friends and work with them while holding an event!

To participate, PLEASE FILL OUT THIS FORM. The last date to fill in is 20th May, so do it before that. We'll be making another post for the artists soon, posting it tomorrow most likely. You will be constantly updated, so don't worry!

if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask. Thank you so much, we will be looking forward for your participation! Much love.

#levihan #aot #snk #levi x hange #levi x hanji #levi ackerman #hanji zoe #hange zoe #drabbleweekMAY'21

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skaylanphear · 3 years

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Hi there! Do you have any advice on improving traction towards a fanwork/fic? I love writing—and it's not for notoriety by any means—but having validation and feedback also feels nice (I hope that's not conceited). What would you recommend to someone without a large audience/follower base? I do "advertise" on tumblr when my work is written/updated on AO3. How did your journey start? Thank you!

This is an interesting question and I doubt most people are going to like the answers, but here we go:

So, first and foremost, you need to be realistic about why you're creating in the first place. If you're doing work in a fandom that is older, where content has stopped coming out, or that is simply smaller, you're not going to get much engagement, period. There will, of course, be activity in these fandoms, but it will be far less and the people involved—while they may view your work—will be less likely to comment/spread it around simply because there's not much going on. So if you're creating in that sort of environment (which can be a really good environment if you're looking for something chill with no pressure), then you have to be prepared for low engagement, even if the people you do meet and who are willing to talk about your work are more regularly in your sphere. You can probably make better/closer friends in these sorts of fandoms, if you're willing to try.

But, on the other end of this, if you're coming into a huge fandom late, it's also going to be harder to wade through the massive following to get your stuff out there. For example, in both the Miraculous and Sk8 fandom, I started work pretty early on, when the shows were still gaining traction, and so my "name" as a creator gained traction parallel to that growth, as opposed to when I started writing in the Voltron fandom. With Voltron, I came in super late and so what few fics I had that did gain traction took a lot longer to get there because people already had their fav content creators in the fandom, etc. It's not impossible to get popular in this situation—far from it—but it does take longer.

You'll also benefit from having finished works early on in a fandom's lifespan, at least with writing. This is because there's less competition for views and so more people will be filtered to your work, initially. This means that you have a better chance of getting those comments and kudos. Having a finished work increases this engagement because people look for finished works before works in progress. Generally, the length of a fic doesn't matter much for popularity, so long as it's DONE. When I was writing in the ML fandom, quite a few of my earlier fics were shorter, and they compete in popularity with my longer fics, because people care more about having a finished story, not a long story. That's why when it came to Only Practice Makes Perfect in the Sk8 fandom, I worked hard to get that shit done, because it was the most popular story I had in the fandom and I decided—like an idiot—to make it a long fic. Which, yeah, means people probably love it/remember it more in the long run, but if I hadn't finished it in 2 to 3 months, I'd have lost considerable traction as far as making a name within the fandom.

This leads into one of the most important points, if not THE MOST IMPORTANT point in gaining an audience—consistency. If you do want to be a successful creator, you Have To Be Consistent. This is the most difficult hurdle for all creators, and it is oftentimes impossible to make happen. If you want to aim for professionalism, which a lot of fandom creators don't care about (which is fine), then consistency is how you get there. Nobody wants to read a fic or follow an artist who doesn't stick to creating what they start (RIP all my unfinished works and the people who left me as a result, LOL). Using my most recent works as an example, I very, very, very consistently updated Only Practice Makes Perfect multiple times a week. To the point where people got comfortable expecting it, which is the key variable here. When people become comfortable that you will regularly create content, they not only stick around, but will be more interactive with you and your work. Nobody likes the disappointment of getting involved with a work only for that work to rarely get updates. Most people don't have the attention span to care. I'll admit, if I read a fic that's not finished and the writer takes one week to update, then one week, then THREE weeks, I probably will, like, forget about it. That's just life.

The best thing you can do is schedule. And again, this is the HARDEST thing to do, because it holds the creator to a deadline. Most people who create in fandoms don't want that kind of pressure—and that's fine. I go back and forth on when I have scheduled releases and when I don't, depending on what I'm aiming to do. But if you to retain your audience, telling them that you will update a work regularly on such and such a day and such and such a time, it creates something for them to remember. If they're invested in your work, they will think, "oh, it's Friday, that means such and such is coming out with something new." But, with that in mind, you also have to commit to a schedule that people will remain invested in. Which basically means you can't put things out more than a week away from each other, unless you're really, really famous, lol. If I told people I was going to go on a two week update schedule, I would lose most of my audience. But a week is long enough for people to both still remember and anticipate. That's just how the scheduling of the world works. And if you're an artist that's working on a big project, then you have to share progress, or pieces of what you're doing on a regular basis. That's what generates "buzz" and keeps you relevant. And, yeah, that's a really hard schedule to commit to, because it's a lot of work. BUT this consistency is where you see people being successful. Popular youtubers may not have gained their popularity by being consistent, but most sure do retain it that way. And again, there are outlying exceptions, but they generally ARE exceptions.

Speaking of hard work, here's probably the second hardest thing to accomplish—you have to be prolific. Especially as a writer. You have to write A LOT if you want to gain an audience. And yeah, that means you have to work, a lot. I love my work, so I enjoy that "grind," and I also have developed a lot of strategies to work around writer's block and every other obstacle that tends to catch people up. I work in a very professional manner—I do outlines, and drafts, and plan. I do a lot of stuff that people who do this kind of thing for fun can't be bothered with (and that's fine), but that's because I find it to be what works best in creating an efficient environment. I'm also very, very NOT lazy, lol. I was raised in an environment where you have to work for everything that you want. My parents didn't buy me my first computer, or snowboard, or what have you. We were tight on money and if I wanted something, they couldn't help me—I had to get that shit on my own. And I also grew up on a farm, where hard work was a staple of how you did things. You did things the right way, even if it was the hard way. You can't cut corners and it's the same with this. If you want it, you have to actually do the work, that's it. Some people get lucky with popularity, most don't. Most famous actors didn't become well-known off their first efforts, they had to keep trying and keep working and then they have to continue to do that to stay relevant. So if that doesn't sound great to you, then you might want to not focus on your audience and just create because you enjoy it, lol. Sometimes that's what I do too, when I don't wanna deal with the pressure.

Moving on, here's another point that nobody is going to like. Simply put, you also have to be good at what you do. I think some people don't realize that I've been writing fic for over fifteen years. I currently have nearly 2 millions words worth of fics on AO3 and that doesn't include a majority of the stuff I've ever written. I practice A LOT. I write every day. And I'll tell ya, when I started out in middle school, my stuff was not good. But I worked hard, I ignored the hate, and I kept going. That is the only way you will ever get better at anything. There's no quick way to become a better writer, or artist. And a vast majority of people are only going to pay attention to your stuff if it's quality work. Getting to that point is a process, on top of then creating stuff that fits into popular molds. Not only am I good at what I do (and I don't care how arrogant that sounds—I've worked my ass off), but when it comes to fandoms, I rarely write "rare pairs" and "crack ships." Generally, if it's popular, that's where I am. That makes a big difference and I honestly don't have sympathy for people who write rare pairs and such and then complain about lack of engagement. You knew what you were getting into (it's mostly the Miraculous fandom that gave me this bitterness). If you're not writing what people WANT to read, then your audience is simply going to be smaller. And that audience doesn't owe you their attention, no matter how frustrating it is or how good your work is. I could be the best writer in the world, but if I'm writing RekixCherry fic, I have nobody to blame but myself when nobody reads it. BUT if that's your passion, and writing a certain unpopular thing makes you happy, then, again, you need to not be concerned with traction and your audience.

The last point I'll make is that it matters HOW you present yourself online. A good chunk of the well-known creators in any fandom are, simply put, older people. And those that aren't, and are able to connect with those older creators, have generally created a bubble around themselves of maturity and, like, of being nice, lol. A lot of creators are skittish these days, and if you're an asshole (anti) or fight a lot over stupid shit, you may get a bigger audience, but you will isolate yourself from other creators. And this is important because oftentimes it is your exposure to other creators that will get your work circulating. The reason I got popular in the ML fandom? I wrote a short angst fic and a really popular artist shared it/talked about it and the rest was history. But if I'd had a habit of being an asshole, probably wouldn't have happened. And, granted, I'm not saying don't voice your opinions, but if you're loud all the time, it does turn people off. Especially creators because they are oftentimes the ones being attacked. They don't want to pull more of that negative bullshit into their lives. I'll admit, when I was in the ML fandom, I was down for a fight, but then that's what people came to expect, and it probably did turn others off, and then when I didn't fight, or didn't think the way my audience thought I should, it, again, turned people off. It's really not worth it unless being that type of person IS your platform.

So, that's all the advice I can give, I suppose. And even if you do all this stuff, that still doesn't mean you're going to be popular. At the end of the day, the thing that I stick to is this—I do what I want, I love what I do, and I work hard. If I'm in a position to worry about all that other stuff, then sure, I do, but otherwise… There's no easy way to become popular and, quite frankly, it's better to just "live" working hard and being a decent person than it is to focus on all this bullshit. I've created a working environment where I function within these "points" quite naturally, so it's not something I think about (except for schedules, lol). Sometimes I get popular in fandoms, sometimes I don't. At the end of the day, it comes down to how much work you're willing to do, because you will always be giving more than you are getting back, so you have to at least enjoy what you're doing.

Seriously, just do it because you love it. And if the pressure of everything above is something you don't love (I like a good, high pressure situation, lol), then don't do it that way—it's not worth the grief.

#skaylanphear replies #anonymous

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multimilfs · 3 years

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Let's Talk. (Update + Announcement)

Hello loves!

There are a few things I’ve been wanting to get off my chest that felt important to say here. Transparency is often the best way to go about things and I hope you’ll take the time to read this.

Now, I’ve hesitated to make a post like this for a few reasons. One being that as this account is something I run for myself and for free, I don’t really owe frequent explanations on when I choose to post my writing. Another being that I wasn’t sure some of this needed to be said. Many of you are fellow creators and understand how life can interfere with creation.

Many things have been on my mind and I’m going to list them here, to make it easier on me to write them out (and explain my thoughts).

The desire to write vs. burn out

It is so secret that the rate of my posting has slowed. If you’ve been here since the beginning, you’ll know and understand this is due to a number of things. Many of you have been very kind and patient with me, thank you. Some of you, well, are not so understanding. I understand that it can be frustrating to submit a request and wait ages for it to be written, believe me when I say that I wish I could write them faster.

But the fact of the matter is that every writer or creator struggles with burn out.

Writing is not easy. If it were, all of you would do it. It is even more difficult when you have several other obligations to care for. Different people handle things better, but in my case, it has significantly damaged a lot of my creativity.

I am still writing!! Please do not worry about this. But I wanted to open a conversation on many things that I feel need to be said. One of them being how severe burnout is and how it can truly impact someone.

Burnout is not a new topic, but some of you might not understand it. It’s hard if you don’t experience it personally. Imagine something for me, will you?

Imagine that you’re steps away from a finish line. You know that all you need is a few more steps. It seems simple, right? Lift your legs and move forward. But during the time you’ve approached the finish line, your body is losing energy rapidly. You’ve had no water, no food to sustain you. Maybe you haven’t even slept. You have become so focused on your task--the finish line--that you’ve pushed your body to it’s limit.

So you have to stop. Mere steps from the finish line and you can’t take another step. If you do, your body will collapse from exhaustion. This is what burnout feels like.

I can see the story and map it out in my head. Hell, maybe I have written 80-90% of it. But seconds from that finish line, I’ve run out of energy. Exhaustion sets in and it takes days for me to recover. The energy I had was devoted solely to other things--namely, my studies. And though I have written so much and have built up excitement for my writing, some of them sit unfinished for a length of time. So much of my mental capacity is spent fulfilling an overwhelming quota of assignments that I have none left to write.

Despite this, I have pushed myself during this time. Which is extremely unhealthy. Instead of taking a step back and resting, I’ve tried to push myself harder, effectively hurting myself in the process.

Desire vs Obligation

If you’re a writer, you’ll know how intoxicating it can be to create a story. To see the feedback and know the joy you’re creating for someone else. But you need to create joy for yourself too.

When more and more people consume your work, it is a double-edged sword. You receive more kindness than you could ever imagine, but it also brings more pressure. Messages of ‘why haven’t you updated?’ and ‘what is taking so long?’ take up an impossibly large space in your head.

You love the story you’re creating, you love the reactions, but you hate disappointing your readers even if you’re taking time for yourself.

Writing can quickly go from being enjoyable to feeling like a chore. It’s important to step back before things go too far, before you lose your love for it.

Loss of Interest

Now, many of you will be familiar with the term ‘hyperfixation.’ In my case, a lot of the writing I do is fueled by this. It’s why some characters will get significantly more focus than others.

I started this account during a hyperfixation on The Owl House. And while I still love it, I’m no longer in that headspace. That’s why Owl House fanfictions are much fewer than they were before.

When you lose interest in something, it can be upsetting. You love this thing, so why can’t you create anything for it? These feelings can often feed back into the struggle of desire vs obligation; wanting to please an audience at the expense of yourself.

Multimilfs, what is the point of this post?

Well, that’s a good question. A lot of this is meant to be an explanation. A kind of update on where my head is at with writing and why things have changed.

Again, I am still writing.

However, I will be taking a short break from posting or even interacting via this account. I’m not going to put an exact time limit on it, so as not to pressure myself further, but I need to take a step back for a minute.

If I continue to push myself like I have, I know I’ll lose my desire to write. That isn’t something I want. I love seeing your comments and creating these stories. This is my passion, but I can’t fuel passion at the expense of my own health.

If you’ve read all of this, thank you. Thank you for being here and taking the time to appreciate my work in any way. Your support makes me so happy.

I will see you all soon!

Much love,

Multimilfs

#announcement

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t4tlawlight · 4 years

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Occam's razor is the principle that, of two explanations that account for all the facts, the simpler one is more likely to be correct.

this post is going to cover traits specific to the manga and the television drama, since those are the best adaptations to showcase L’s autism. THIS POST is required reading before you read anything i’m about to type, because it explains what kind of character niche L falls into--an unintentionally autistic coded character. i’ll talk more about that at the end.

i’m going to talk about manga L first, since he’s the original version after all. i’m going to go in order of physical traits, to behavioral, to his character writing. also, tumblr eats posts that have outside links, so i’m going to have my non-tumblr sources in a separate post, here.

anyways, more under the cut!

MANGA/ANIME:

sitting with his legs up and spine bent / sitting on the floor

this is such a big one and its extremely common in ppl with autism. sitting in chairs normally is uncomfortable to outright painful w many ppl with these disorders, myself included. L sitting like that (which, to recall, is a blatant homage to sherlock holmes, another character that is so blatantly autistic coded you can find absolutely ridiculous amounts of writing on the topic) and being like "I HAVE TO SIT LIKE THIS TO THINK PROPERLY" is so autistic. like sitting in a certain way to give you specific sensory stimulus/avoid distracting discomfort and pain is a thing. i found this post (1) written by an autistic person on the topic of sitting in chairs being uncomfortable, and it says as much:

“I suspect that seating discomfort is common in autism (though by no means limited to autistic people). Many of us, particularly as children, benefit greatly from chairs designed to be non-stationary: rocking chairs, “fidget” chairs, and so forth. These can improve focus, compensate for proprioceptive hypo-sensitivity, and alleviate restlessness. In short, many “attention issues” can be fixed simply by providing a little motion for the person sitting. Small change, huge results. That's what accommodations do at their best. They make (often minor) adjustments that have profound impacts.”

so when L says that sitting the way he does, for a specific sensory experience, improves his ability to think, it’s perfectly in line with this idea. Also it’s a good pressure stim.

standing with a slouch / shifting his weight around

to begin: yes! it’s very common for autistic people to stand or walk oddly for a number of different reasons, from physical comorbidity to other issues such as dyspraxia (see: movie L). From an article by YAI (2), an I/DD (intellectual and/or developmental disabilities) community program:

“Kyphosis (a curved spine), collapsed chest, dropped shoulders and even scoliosis are observed in many of our patients. These myriad of postural issues may result from reduced strength, decreased biomechanical stability, or from a sensory impairment, such as apraxia.

Depending on the scene, L has mild to severe kyphosis which is very common in autistic individuals. Other things mentioned in that article if you want to click on it is instability in standing, where you sort of shift your weight around a lot between your feet or rest all of your weight on one foot, which L is literally doing the first time we see all of him.

speaking with a monotone voice.

i obviously can’t show a picture for this one and it honestly depends on the voice actor you find for L, but in the anime in particular L has a very flat tone. a lot of this is bc he has a dry sense of humor but. just know that it’s very common for autistic people to have a flat affect (or go the other way into being too loud/emotive).

his eating habits.

a lot (a LOT) of autistic ppl myself included can only eat certain kinds of food for texture and flavor reasons. HOWEVER there’s a term in the autism community called “samefoods” which is really well put by tumblr users candidlyautistic and autism-asks:

“Samefoods or samefooding is a community word to describe the autistic trait of eating the same food over, and over and over . . . It is part sensory, part routine driven in most cases. A lot of times we samefood because we need that particular mouthfeel / texture / taste, and a lot of times even after that need passes, it turns into a need for routine until you actively dislike that food again.”

“Samefooding on the other hand is closer to a special interest. When I have a samefood (chocolate ice cream, currently), I really, really want that food. I could eat that food endlessly and not get tired of it. I will get upset if I’m not able to have the food in a day. For me, it usually is kind of routine based as well. For instance, with my current samefood, I have some in the evenings and it’s become part of how I wind down from my day.”

we don’t know exactly why L specifically desires sweet food or if he considers it part of his routine, but what we do know is that he really wants to eat sweet food and avoids eating anything other than sweet food, so it could either be that he’s a picky eater and can’t handle savory or he’s samefooding on sweets!

wearing the same clothes

L wears the same clothes every single day. It’s also worth noting that what he does wear is baggy, too-big clothing, the kind that wouldn’t be tight and uncomfortable. once again, sensory issues are a huge thing for autistic individuals. one of my favorite aspects is that in no adaptation does he wear socks. even L wears shoes, he wears them like slippers, not putting them on all the way. people comment that he seems like he’s poor, but we know for a fact that he’s very rich and that wearing these clothes is a personal choice he made.

not caring for himself/outsourcing his self-care

i don’t think one day is exactly canon, rather it’s an exaggeration of what might actually happen--i.e. L doesn’t have a huge closet full of the same outfit, but he does have several versions of the same outfit on rotation; L doesn’t use a human washing machine, but Watari might help him/encourage him to bathe regularly. One Day is a parody comic, but it was made by the creators for a reason and that reason is that L pretty obviously relies on a caretaker (Watari) for his personal needs. Watari, in the manga proper, cooks and cleans and does most things for L. we’ll come back to this topic when we get to the drama though.

doing stimming behaviors

if you don’t know what stimming is, it refers to self-stimulating behaviors, usually involving repetitive movements or sounds. everyone stims to some extent, but in autism it tends to be more obvious, go on for longer, and sometimes be more disruptive to others. it’s often used to help deal with sensory overload, or used to express feelings--think of an autistic person being happy and flapping their hands in the air.

there are a LOT of instances of L displaying stimming behavior, from stacking his food or things on his desk, to spinning in his chair, to biting his fingers/using them to press on his lips, to wriggling and tapping his toes. here are some specific instances:

there are a lot more. i’ll talk about more when we get to dramaverse, but if you rewatch/reread death note it’s definitely worth noting whenever L does something like this!

detective work as a special interest

ok, first and foremost i want to establish what a special interest is. Tumblr user cartoon has my favorite explanation of what a special interest is that i’ve seen to date:

“To have a deep, intense, passionate and incredibly focused / narrowed interest in a certain area of study, subject, topic or thing - to the exclusion of other interests. This interest is something that exists for the long-term, most often lasting for multiple months, years, or even you’re entire life “

L says that he only does detective work because it’s a hobby, and he finds it entertaining. We’ve also seen that he’s been at it for quite some time--if you take side content (the wammy’s house comic, LABB) seriously, then he’s been at it since childhood, with unwavering interest. it definitely comes across to me as L having a special interest in detective work, rather than it just being a normal hobby or a job for him, especially since he says it isn’t out of any moral obligation.

germaphobia

Germaphobia is very common for individuals with autism. a lot of the time it’s actually sensory issues associated with “dirty” things, and a lot of the time it’s because features of OCD are heavily comorbid with autism, including contamination OCD and such fears. regardless of the reason, though, L’s aversion to touching Bad Things is a very autistic behavior, and so is his resulting quirk that he tends to hold things in a very odd manner!

muted emotional expression

this is getting more into L’s character, but L tends to feel and express emotions in a very muted way. not to say he doesn’t have them, but for instance in the example above, L doesn’t have a solid grasp on what exactly he’s feeling. he thinks he might be acting irrationally and overemotionally because he logically should be afraid, but he isn’t sure, and none of these emotions present themselves visibly.

i’ve also seen it said that Ukita’s death is another good example of his muted response to emotion--he tells Aizawa to stay rational and his voice doesn’t waver as he tells him as much, but he holds himself tightly. for someone with poor emotional competence, these physical signs of distress can be hard to read in oneself, but Aizawa (a man who is extremely in-tune with his emotions) can tell immediately.

high logic, low empathy

L is also a character who, like many autistic people, lacks a certain degree of empathy. it’s not that he doesn’t have any, but it’s limited enough--and he values logic over it enough--that he’s willing to make extreme decisions and take a “ends justify the means” approach (such as using people as bait.) in the example above, L takes a moment to work through what it must actually feel like, which rings as very autistic.

bluntness/not caring about social convention

there are so many examples of this i honestly could list them all day, but L is a character who is very to-the-point and doesn’t care about mincing his words. he can be outright rude to the people around him, especially if he considers them not worth basic courtesy. see: Matsuda.

DRAMAVERSE

if you all knew me you should have known this section is inevitable. i’m not going to talk about every single adaptation because i do not have the time and the only other adaptation that is meaningful in that regard is the movieverse (i am fairly certain that movie L is dyspraxic) but on account of the fact that i don’t care about them i won’t subject you all to them here.

anyway, drama L shows much the same traits as animanga L above (they are, after all, technically the same character) but he displays them in different ways.

he has a much more advanced degree of germaphobia, with Watari saying he’s sensitive to outside air and spraying everyone who enters his space with disinfectant, but not making them wash their hands or anything like that, so we can kind of tell that his issues are more rooted, again, in a fear of germs rather than any actual medical issue. he wants to feel as though he is clean, not necessarily actually be clean. this is very common in contamination OCD, which has a high comorbidity with autism. (my girlfriend has a very good headcanon post about drama L and OCD that isn’t so much analysis than just plain fun, but it’s worth a read!)

he stims, but he has a different array of stims than animanga L--he chews on his jelly pouch bottles,

he tosses it between his hands,

he kicks his feet,

and he bounces in his chair.

he still sits in an unconventional manner. he still samefoods, this time even more exclusively--he only eats Lucky Charge jelly pouches and nutritional bars. Watari onscreen puts his shirts on for him, as well as cooking, cleaning, and mending his clothes for him.

however, there are a few traits that are drama-exclusive that i think really add to an analysis of his autism!

social scripting

social scripting and echolalic scripting are both commonly described as “scripting,” but are very different! echolalic scripting is like echolalia, but echolalic scripting is the recitation of longer passages of dialogue from things the individual has heard before. but social scripting is when you memorize common conversations so you can rattle it off without worrying too much! this can be very handy, such as exchanging basic pleasantries or ordering food, but it can also backfire if someone responds in a way your script’s not set up for. you can find more information on the difference in this video (3).

now, this relates to L in that there are two separate scenes where L says the same thing, rather inappropriately:

L: When I consider Kira’s personality, could it be that the strong-willed daughter is Kira? Or could that sweet-looking son of yours surprise us by proving to be him? You never know what humans are hiding beneath the surface... Soichiro: Enough. L: Sorry. It was just a joke.

-- Episode 2

L: Light-kun. Oh, I’m sorry... If I called you “Yagami-san,” it would be the same as what I call your father. Light: That’s okay. Call me whatever you want. L: Then what about Kira? (silence) L: It's a joke.

-- Episode 4

one could say that L just has a terrible sense of humor--and, of course, having a poor grasp of humor is common with autistic individuals--but the fact that he says nearly the same thing as a defense twice makes me feel as though he has it rehearsed as a defense when people react poorly to things he’s said, which happens often.

mirroring and echolalia

echolalia was briefly covered in the previous example, but for those unaware, via wikipedia (4):

Echolalia is the unsolicited repetition of vocalizations made by another person (when repeated by the same person, it is called palilalia). In its profound form it is automatic and effortless.

mirroring, on the other hand, is explained as such, also via wikipedia (5):

Mirroring is the behavior in which one person unconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Mirroring often occurs in social situations, particularly in the company of close friends or family. The concept often affects other individuals' notions about the individual that is exhibiting mirroring behaviors, which can lead to the individual building rapport with others.

both of these are very common in autism, and they’re exemplified while L’s character is established watching his favorite TV show, Owarai Paradise. On one occasion, he’s watching the show and this dialogue happens:

Hiroshi: Despite never telling her how I felt, I still got dumped. I am Hiroshi. Watari: Who was this one again? L: He is Hiroshi. Hiroshi: I am Hiroshi. I am Hiroshi.

-- Episode 2

it’s important to note that in Japanese, “He is Hiroshi” and “I am Hiroshi” are said, at least in this instance, exactly the same, so L is echoing precisely what he’s heard.

On another occasion, L is again watching the show with a glass of wine (seemingly acquired simply to imitate the characters onscreen, as he never drinks it) and when the characters onscreen toast their glasses, L does the same, mirroring them.

CONCLUSION

I linked a post at the very beginning of this analysis talking about how characters are unintentionally autistic coded, and it’s important to understand how this unintentional coding is different from a headcanon--i didn’t make up these traits. they aren’t something that only exist in my head that i ascribe to L for fun.

i made this analysis both because i wanted to share L’s autistic coding in one cohesive place, because plenty of people have made lists before, but none that i could find that included so many examples with images and explanations--and i also made it because of the old ryuzaki persona “theory.”

for those unaware, the ryuzaki persona headcanon suggests that L faked all of these traits in order to make people uncomfortable, to put them off-guard and better mask his identity. i’ve seen posts about people claiming that nobody could actually behave in these ways, that L would surely be unhappy and uncomfortable sitting like that, or eating like that, or engaging in any of these behaviors. I’ve seen some people outright say that L isn’t autistic, but his persona is--that is, he’s pretending to be autistic.

i named this essay “occam’s razor” because, to me, L being autistic is the simplest answer to account for all of these traits. claiming that an autistic coded character is faking it is ableist and it just doesn’t make sense with anything else we know about his character.

but if you want to know more about that, i recommend reading eyecicles’ first!L tag. it’s debunked it in more ways than i ever could.

anyways, in conclusion

#death note #death note drama #death note analysis #L lawliet

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a-lil-perspective · 3 years

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I have been silent for some time now. I have refrained from exhibiting any plaguing thoughts that might warrant me the label of “that person”, but I’m at the point where I’ve had my fill.

Ramble under the cut so as to not... offend or inconvenience anyone. There’s absolutely no obligation to read this. It’s Tumblr. You can block/ignore me. The option to do so is readily accessible.

I’ve been a Bad Batch fan since day one. While I didn’t start creating that very same day, it was relatively close. Point being, I’m a long-time dedicated fan. As the premiere to their series draws closer, I feel like there is going to be a great shift, rift here. That being said, I figured now is as good a time as any to make this post.

I love those boys beyond words. They’ve been the one constant in my life amidst a rapid and debilitating change. I love getting to give them life, even if my interpretations aren’t the most accurate.

Yes, I am a new Writer and yes, I am new to Tumblr, as I am sure both of those things are painfully apparent.

I get that it is impossible to please everyone. It’s something I’m learning more and more with each passing day. It’s something that gets harder to swallow, even more so.

I’d like to say that being here has been a largely positive experience, with all of these great connections and opportunities. But honestly? It’s been more isolating than anything. I’ve actually never felt more isolated than since I joined a year ago.

As a content creator or even just a general blogger, I don’t ask for much. I don’t ask for anything, in fact. I consider myself very low maintenance. I don’t demand/harass/play the martyr for reblogs. I have never mentioned it once, and never will. Some people on here are so damn passive-aggressive about it, and quite frankly, it’s embarrassing. It’s very stigmatizing. While I completely understand the frustration surrounding the like-to-reblog ratio, I think it’s neither tasteful nor reputable to threaten to call people out for not reblogging your fics. I wish I could say I was joking on that one. But I’ve seen it profoundly. Not cool.

And yet, no one says anything or raises any concern there.

Yet I make metas, harmless rambles, and I get shot down? Seriously?

—I need to “chill”, it’s “overkill”, I’m “overthinking”. I and my content are apparently just so damn arduous to interact with.

If you don’t like me, please just move on. There are plenty of other Bad Batch creators for you to enjoy. You know that. My work is absolutely not the final say, and I’ve never claimed it to be.

What is so wrong, with sharing one’s thoughts? Why do people inherently have a problem with other’s creative efforts? I see it time over again. Why do I feel like if I was making a bunch of smutty posts it wouldn’t be as much of a problem, that it in fact would be infinitely more welcome? (Absolutely NO shade to people who create smut, okay? I’ve made my own share. I admire those bold enough to do so regularly. I absolutely love them. Please teach me your ways).

This ramble really has nothing to do with the most recent event regarding my contributions. Rather, it’s a culmination of experiences over the past several months that have brewed and festered to the point where I can no longer keep downplaying it.

Social media, at its core, is one big popularity contest. It always has been, it always will be. But I’m not here to win. That’s never been my objective. That’s not what I’m about. Surprise (or not), I am not a popular blog. Not by a long shot. I’ll never claim otherwise.

I don’t ask people to view/interact with my content, I’m not an activist, I can’t even fathom exuding that kind of confidence. Even though I, admittedly, crave it. I suspect I crave interaction as much as the next creator. It’s a nice feeling. Yet there’s never been any obligation for it, especially with me, so I don’t understand what the problem is. As I’ve said, there are ample ways for you to block/avoid me. It’s the internet. In this day and age, there’s no excuse for viewing anything you don’t want to.

I came here in the hopes of finding like-minded individuals, uplifting and interacting, and exercising some otherwise stunted creativity.

All Tumblr as taught me is that creating and contributing is largely a thankless, empty endeavor. You can give and give and give and be reduced to nothing. There’s a profound imbalance between “giving” and “receiving”, and in regards to both ends of the scale, it’s became apparent to me that if you don’t cater heavily and in unreasonable degrees or get “noticed” by a popular blog, you get nothing, and your efforts are null and void.

Truthfully? I constantly feel like I walk on eggshells here, and it’s all I can do to not crack under the pressure, even though it’s my blog and my headspace. I should feel comfortable and free to express myself here, and I don’t, and I’m unsure of how to achieve that sense of stability. To be completely honestly I feel like a constant bother and a nuisance. When I post, I literally feel like there is a collective eye-roll that comes with people receiving a notification from my blog. Even though I know, rationally, that can’t be true, that’s an absurd level of thinking. I can’t say I can pinpoint exactly where it stems from.

But regardless: I hardly ever talk about/create the things I actually want. I only recently just got ballsy enough to share some metas, and we all know how well that’s going. I try not to have smut out of respect for my asexual/minor mutuals, even though the tag to blacklist is very much an option. I try not to bring up conflicting topics, Tumblr, political, or otherwise, even though with proper tagging I could. But I try not to even bring that into existence. Even though it’s my right to, I don’t.

I don’t actually feel like I fit into any narrative here, especially in the Bad Batch fandom; even though we are all basically the same steadfast group of bloggers. We all know who we are. We all coexist in the same space. It’s nearly impossible to be unaware of each other, at this point.

And yet, I’m not in a bunch of Discord servers or backed by a team of beta readers and all that jazz. It’s basically just me talking to myself out here. It’s very isolating.

Part of that—most of it—is my own crippling social anxiety, and the genuine belief that I don’t deserve to be in the same space/servers as all of these brilliant creators. Because I’m just me, and there’s not a whole lot of value there. With that mindset, it’s hard to actually feel like I belong anywhere. I know that is a mindset I have to conquer alone.

My excitement over my creations has largely dwindled into nothing. I seldom ever bounce my ideas off of others—another issue that stems from the fear of presenting as a burden—and even though I try to write for myself, even that fire has pretty much died out. I’m not even sure how or if I could even reignite it, at this point. It’s really quite sad. It makes me very sad, actually. All I wanted was to safely ramble, project all my thoughts and creativity that has otherwise been repressed through prolonged detrimental circumstances.

More than anything, I wanted to find and hold onto something that makes me feel useful, meaningful, happy. More and more I wonder if that’s even possible. I don’t think it is, not here. I often wonder if joining and sharing on Tumblr was a horrible mistake. I miss the innocent joy of when I first started creating. It was so simple. I’m trying to find that simplicity again.

But I’m burned out. I’m running on fumes. I have been for some time.

At this point it goes beyond just “taking a break” from Tumblr. It’s the fact that it all feels like this meaningless, monotonous cycle. I wonder every day if I am an isolated case in experiencing these emotions.

And yet, come tomorrow I will still be here, business as usual.

I’m not asking for sympathy or playing the victim or attacking anyone or trying to guilt-trip into more interaction. I am very aware of my shortcomings and incorrect mindsets. I’m just trying to make sense of it all. I feel very disconnected from everyone here and it’s lonely. This took a lot for me to share. I will most likely delete this because anxiety will eat me up, as it does with everything I post. Yes, everything.

#personal #lil rambles

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cosmiclatte28 · 3 years

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#12 Lay by Your Side (Taeyong x you)

Twelfth day of Christmas (the last one!)

Lay by Your Side (Taeyong x you)

I do not own pictures, but I own the stories :D. It’s the last day of the project and although the header doesn’t really fit the theme, it’s too cute!! I gotta do it lol

Before reading I want to thank you all for reading this much :D I really appreciate your time and everything else you give for this 🥺🤗💖 ily all! Here we go

It’s another new year, a new chance to start the things you missed last year, a chance to fix your mistakes, the time for you to learn and grow from your past self.

You rest your eyes from watching the picturesque scene laid before your eyes. The blue green endless ocean that meets the horizon, the bright sun shining above your head and of course the sight of a book cover you can see when you raise your head.

You’re enjoying the last day staying in a bungalow at Hawaii before duty and responsibility call back. With your boyfriend, Lee Taeyong, relaxing on the long couch while reading his newest novel and your head is resting on his strong thighs.

The gentle breeze coming from the ocean through the window is enough to almost drive you to sleep, along with Taeyong’s slender fingers slowly stroking your hair as he focuses on his story, you can’t hold back the sleepiness hitting your body.

You yawn and feel his fingers leave your hair, only to hear a page flips and his fingers are back, stroking your hair calmly while sometimes applying a bit of a pressure to your scalp. You exhale and relax your shoulder, feeling even drowsier now.

“Yong-ie” you mumble with your eyes closed, you’re bored seeing the cover.

“Hmm?” he asks you back, his head didn’t move, his book is still in the same place and you bet his eyes are not stopping at all from those lines.

“Fun part?” you ask him the chapter he is reading, well it’s not like he is ignoring you the whole holiday to finish that book. No, he was treating you so well and he just continued where he left off today. You understand if he wants to add a few more pages before he is back to his tight schedule as an idol.

“Quiet exhilarating, why? Need anything?” he asks finally pausing and putting aside the book so he can see your face.

“Glad I can finally see your face, not that boring book cover.” You grin and he leans in to kiss you.

“Sorry, let me fix my posture a bit,” he pulls his body that has been slipping down the couch and you yelp when you feel your head forced to meet his knees.

“Whoops, sorry” he picks you up from your neck slowly and helps you return to your position.

You giggle when you realize he’s still sweet even after he did something so clumsy. You flip your body so you’re resting your arms on his thighs as you cup your cheeks. You’re laying on your belly between his legs. (I really hope you can picture this)

“It’s okay, what are we going to do after this?” you ask, sending him a subtle hint you’re wishing to be able to do something else in this good villa before going home.

Taeyong smirks “Want what? We’ve explored everything around here, we even went swimming this morning.” He rubs circle with his thumb on your slightly tanned shoulder.

“Didn’t you have enough tan already? I cannot go tanner than this even if I want to, my stylist will kill me.” He chuckles and you nod your head “I know, I mean if I want my skin to be tanner, I’ll do it by myself. But-“ your breath hitched when you catch his red shiny lips in your sight.

Taeyong follows your gaze and realizes where you are staring at and he licks his lips when he caught you staring “Eyes are up here miss,” he teases you and do the regular “see my eyes here” finger gestures.

You gulp “Sorry,” and you focus your eyes to see his. His dark eyes are twinkling as usual but today with his messy hair he didn’t look cuddly at all.

You secretly snake your arms around his torso and bury your face into his chest before snuggling closer to his body if that is possible.

“Woah, careful can you breathe?” he asks when he sees you plant your face to his torso, you nod “Perfectly fine.”

He giggles and reaches out his book to continue where he left off. He peacefully hold his book on his right hand and his left hand is back to stroking your hair and now touching your skin too slightly grazing over it with his callouses fingers.

You did not know you fell asleep while hugging him. The soft snore coming out from you is what makes Taeyong stop reading his book.

He marks his page down and puts it aside. Slowly without waking you up, Taeyong moves your head so at least he can see your pretty face and ensures himself you’re not suffocated.

The man smiles down lovingly and gently places a kiss on your temple, he lets go when he feels your body stirring. While leaning back to the sofa, Taeyong watches the endless blue horizon that meets the sea. A small smile tugs his lips when he remembered the night he confessed his true feelings to you.

Taeyong always says he is a man with the heart of the sea, yes the sea because it is deep and mysterious. Though some of his friends say that may be interpreted in a wrong way, he met you and you bravely answered him with “And I am a fearless adventurer, who’s not afraid of the deep and mysterious sea. Guess we matched.”

He cannot hide his happiness away when his ring finger sparkles while stroking your hair and getting caught in the golden sun ray. With memories playing in his head, Taeyong plays with the metal ring on his hand. He always wears it everywhere he go, even to music shows!

Taeyong keeps his promise ring on his hand no matter what, no matter how hard the stylists tried to make him put it down just for the sake of the wardrobe and cameras. He always find a way to sneak it back on or just go to a long ass bickering of ridiculous things like

“It is my lucky ring… my mom said to never take this off…. Hey I might lose it….” And others even silly ones. But in the end, he did it. He always brings that small part of you with him, to remind him you are his and he is yours. He’s glad you’re not the type who gets jealousies instantly or even put needless curiosity over him.

Instead, Taeyong is more protective of you. He knows your past with your boyfriends are not good, especially the ones that secretly date another person, or just the abusive ones who are obsessed to have you. Taeyong acts protective because he didn’t want any one of them to hurt you, but you just smile and tell him “Thank you Tae, but trust me I can keep myself safe.”

And for three years of dating, you proofed yourself to Taeyong that you can take a good care of yourself. Saesang fans have gotten through your way before, but you can finish it off with a cold head and cold heart. You talked to them nicely, explaining that no it’s not a relationship. Well to you and him this is already beyond relationship, both of you are committed already and slowly taking steps to marriage. The fans asked your apology and you told them you won’t make a fuss if they keep quiet and also stop being a saesang.

You even asked them to join you for a drink and they open up to you, you learnt they became this wild because they crave for attentions they couldn’t get. So, you give them the attention they needed. Every month, you make a small gathering for that group of fans and they even bring more fans too and you just reveal yourself to be a nobody. They didn’t really mind who you are, they’re so happy to see that being a healthy fan is way way way much better.

You never tell Taeyong about that secret project, he only found out about it when a fan came to him during fan sign and told him everything. Taeyong went home that day with fascination, he told you about the story and he even praised the creator of that event.

You teased him “So you wanna marry that person?”

Taeyong on that day giggled and pulls out an “are you insane face” “Hell if I am not committed yet, I might ask that person out.”

You nod your head “I’m gonna tell you, even when you’re committed you can do that.”

He shakes his head “No way! I am not going to hurt you. I was just talking nonsense.”

You just silently walk to his back and hug him “Will you still say no when I show you who runs that project?” you show your phone to his face and swipe the photos you took from each event.

He went speechless and when his soul is back, Taeyong gets down on one knees and proposes without a ring. But that spontaneity and the air that night, made you nod your head. The night and the promise were sealed with a warm passionate kiss.

He bought you the ring two days after it, because he asked the jeweler to crave names inside.

It was a beautiful memory and you’ve passed the event on to another friend you trust can handle the lonely fans. You disappear from media because slowly Taeyong and you will be coming up to the agency and open up the hidden stories, though you both don’t know when.

He wants to marry you once the agency gives him the green light and of course after both your parents and his agree. Though he knows the latter part will be easier than the first one.

“So, are we going up this year?” Taeyong mumbles to the air, he is not actually talking to you for he knows you’re sleeping.

But even in your sleep, you unconsciously nod your head and give him a reassuring face he always gets from your face whenever he is in doubt.

Taeyong brushes your hair away from your glowing face and leans in once again to seal his lips with yours. “I love you (y/n), to infinity and beyond.” He whispers and seals your lips one more time.

end

thank you guys for supporting me, this is the last story for the 12 days of Christmas fanfic project! ;D I am happy you all are enjoying this and I just want to wish you all a happy new year!! May all your goals be achieved this year

See you on another story :D

I love you all!! Thanks for being an amazing friends who want to read my small writings 💖

Christmas masterlist completed

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cavanaghcharactersxreaderfics · 3 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Earth-19 Harrison "HR" Wells/You, Earth-19 Harrison "HR" Wells & You Characters: Earth-19 Harrison "HR" Wells Additional Tags: More Fluff, valentines day, Romantic Fluff Summary:

As requested by Tumblr user Countlesswells: It’s been a good amount of time since he joined Team Flash but you’ve never really came around to speak to him. You’re much more reserved than the rest and that is what ironically draws him closer to you. His curiosity causes him to grow a crush on you. Over the course of a few weeks HR throws subtle hints and gestures expressing that you entice him. As the days begin to close in on Valentine’s Day he finally gets the courage to ask you out on a date.

HR Wells always managed to make a presence at STAR Labs. His arrival had taken everyone aback, and the discovery that his mind was far from a new Einstein caused tension. Eventually however, everyone settled into HR’s quirky and eccentric mannerisms. HR felt like he was finally home here at STAR Labs; he had friends and people who cared about him, they made him feel like he was important and had a purpose.

He managed to grow close to just about everyone except the one member of the team who usually hung back. They weren’t necessarily rude or unfriendly, but preferred to keep a distance. HR did his best to respect the distance, but found them to be alluring. They were a strikingly gorgeous individual, with distinct features and a kind smile that flashed every now and again when HR made a joke. HR knew very little about the distant figure, but something about them drew him in. Maybe it was the general mysterious aura, or maybe it was just his own curiosity. Whatever it was, his desire to break through to them was incredible, and HR was prepared to do whatever it took to get there.

You, meanwhile, were indeed quiet and reserved. You preferred a quiet moment of study in order to save up your energy for the outbursts of metas that were always just around the corner. HR’s undeniable energy in the building was occasionally distracting and you often found yourself looking up to him gazing at you with a curious expression splashed on his face. He looked upon you like a piece of art, which confused you greatly at first.

There would be times in passing when he would just give a simple compliment. Nothing forward or excessive, just something along the lines of “your hair looks great today,” or “your outfit is stellar, miss y/l/n.”

You always gave him a look, occasionally giving him a slight smile to reward his compliments. He always gave you the biggest grin in response to the smallest of smiles. You were perplexed by the short interactions you had with him. They were not unpleasant in the least, but his for a man so filled with caffeine and exuberant light, he was much quieter around you. It was almost a nice change to have someone respect your boundaries and not tell you that you need to get out more or need to be more social. He was respectful of your distance and quiet countenance.

You weren’t unfriendly in the least, despite what your exterior may have said to the world. You were guarded and cautious, which Team Flash admired, and they were grateful for what you contributed to the team. They were some of the few people in the world who seemed to genuinely understand you, and you were always willing to give back 100% to the people who gave you so much. Harry and you were always close, being similar in nature and personality. This was why you had been so cautious of HR when he first arrived. He seemed, at first, to be a very “in your face” kind of person and you had been pleasantly surprised to find otherwise through your moments together.

It was another cold winter in Central City. The late February wind practically blew you into the doors of STAR Labs. The sky was grey and cloudy with a threat of a snowstorm approaching. Shaking off the cold and stepping into the warm lab, you hung your coat and made your way through the circular hallways towards the Cortex.

A warm pink glow greeted you upon arrival causing you to smile. H.R., still hanging decorations, turned as he saw you walk in. He gave you his usual smile, spreading ear to ear and lighting up his pale blue eyes. “Y/n!” He said excitedly, jumping off of a step ladder where he was hanging paper hearts, “I take it you like the decor?”

“It’s definitely unexpected, but it’s really pretty. It’s also really early, how long have you been at this?” You questioned, looking around at the glowing pink lights, paper hearts, and pink tinsel that was strung about the cortex.

“Hmm,” he glanced at his naked wrist, “well considering I haven’t slept, I have been here for… a while.”

“You haven’t slept? Why not? It’s just Valentine’s Day, it doesn’t have to be as extravagant as Christmas, does it?” You giggled as HR passed you a cup of coffee.

“Well, maybe it doesn’t have to be horribly extravagant every year, but this year…” He paused, staring down into his own coffee cup, “This year deserves to be special.”

“Tell me now, HR, why is that?” You sat down spinning the chair round to face HR. This was the most conversation you had ever had with HR, you thought to yourself.

“Mon dieu! I thought you’d never ask! Well, this is my first time celebrating Valentine’s Day on Earth-1. My first time spending it with people I actually like and that, you know, seem to actually like me too. I know it’s usually a romantic thing and all that but, why not celebrate love for everyone? Friends, family, lovers, and, well, why not your dog or your hamster? I feel like so long as I’m here with all you guys, I might as well make the most of it, you know?” HR sighed, his long-winded expression of love completed.

You gifted HR your usual tiny smile, the corners of your lips barely turning up, “I think that’s a great sentiment, HR. It’s really sweet of you to do all this for all of us.”

“Funny enough, there is a bit more to this than just celebrating with BA or Francisco, I uh-” he paused again, “well, I have been meaning to, for some time now, well I mean I guess, I, hmm.” He stopped again, taking a moment to look around at the glowing pink decorations around him, “Ah, I guess there’s no need to beat around the bush here, I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight? I know you aren’t usually super social and I respect that, I mean there are days when I don’t even want to look at myself in the mirror, but that’s besides the point. I just mean, you know, I don’t want to pressure you into anything but you’re very attractive and more than that you seem like a genuinely wonderful person and it would be my honor to spend my first Earth 1 Valentine’s Day with you, if that’s okay?”

You sat in your chair, a full fledged smile on your face as you laughed.

HR’s face fell as tears came down your face as you laughed, “I’m sorry I just, I shouldn’t have said anything I guess, I, forget it.”

His hand rubbed the back of his neck as he started to walk off. You jumped from your chair and caught his arm, “No! HR I’m sorry, it’s just, no one’s ever asked me out in such a lengthy and genuine mannerism. It was a surprise to me. I know I’m usually not the most talkative person but, I’m more than willing to go out with you. In fact, I’m the one who should feel honored to have someone as sweet and genuine as you ask me out.” You took his hand, “HR, I will absolutely spend your first Earth-1 Valentine’s Day with you. I wouldn’t want to spend it with anyone else.”

HR absolutely beamed, “really? I mean, I’m honored that you’re honored that I’m honored. We can go wherever you want, we don’t have to go out either, we could stay in! I could make coffee and I could bake some biscuit-” you cut him off this time.

“HR, you’ve had too much caffeine already. Why not just go somewhere quiet for dinner, okay? Just the two of us, nothing big or loud, just quiet. Somewhere we can… talk.” You smiled.

“I would love, to talk to you, y/n. It’s all I’ve wanted.” HR put an arm around your shoulder, looking down at you with a smile. “Now, want to help me finish these decorations?”

“You have more?!” The room already looked as if cupid had puked on every surface.

“So SO many more.” HR said, deadpan.

“Well, hand me the string, let’s see how much we can cover Cisco’s desk in hearts.”

“You really are the woman of my dreams.” He dumped a bundle of paper hearts into your arms with a cheeky grin “let’s make some love.”

#hr wells x reader #Closer #toliveforwells #The Flash #general #fluff #Valentine's Day #HR Wells

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