Tumgik
#idk what’s wrong with me it’s been like this for like over a week
scintillyyy · 2 days
Text
honestly though. while there are some very crunchy jack & tim bits in war games after tim's return to robin, i do hate that the jack finds out tim is robin story was written by willingham in general. because. now we're stuck with like. jack finds out when he finds out tim isn't actually on football at a parent teacher conference & then goes over to point a gun a bruce's head with a bunch of implications that the drakes are somehow this military family (tim's grandpa being a war hero, jack being implied to have served at one point to make the ~tim is a noble soldier~ comparison). and while i ignore all of the stupid willingham military stuff because it doesn't make sense for them in any way, shape, or form overall as a story of 'jack finds out' in unmasked it's very weak as far as actually exploring the father-sonisms-tensions with bruce that *should have* arisen from this very scenario (which is why the conversations between them during war games proper are much stronger).
because tbh i think it should have gone more of a route of jack figuring it out/recognizing his son *in the act* vs him finding out tim is lying to him via a parent-teacher conference. because wrt to jack and tim the tension is supposed to be that jack is with him, but he still doesn't really see him, right? so idk, i feel like jack finding out/being hit with the fact that his son is lying to him should have been much more direct--jack has to finally see tim in order to finally deserve the truth, or something.
so if it were me i would have put it like. i would put it after brentwood & the marriage & the loss of money but instead of jack gets depression, i'd go with jack tries to be a super present dad again (because that's all he can do atm) & he and tim are like doing more? so tim has to use the school excuse more. and so jack thinks everything is going well with him and tim & that they're super super close again. and one night, he's out for dinner with dana when something happens, like the restaurant gets attacked. we see jack think something like "thank god tim isn't here tonight bc he had football practice"--and then robin shows up & tim has no idea jack and dana are there at that restaurant & jack has never really seen robin in action (there was that close call at the rainforest charity thing poison ivy attacked but tim got sent out after the anti-toxin instead of staying with the victims. this is also a good callback to that--can tim deal with his family in danger & not let it affect robin). and like. tim is able to act professional, and dana doesn't recognize him...but jack does. and then they're on their way home and dana is like "wow, sure glad we got saved" and jack is just sitting there silently because everything is coming together. and he's now finally seen the truth.
and i would put jack's depression arc here? like. he shuts himself in his room at first to wallow in what he did wrong that tim is robin. & i'd probably make it so tim is the one trying to reach out like "dad is something going on? you okay?" in a role reversal and then tim leaves one night (to do robin stuff) and jack is sitting awake in his bedroom and hears it & he's been slowly getting angrier over the past few weeks & only then does he go out to confront bruce about it directly. and. i probably wouldn't do the whole 'threatens bruce with a gun' thing, but i would go with a lot of yelling and screaming followed by breaking down into tears by jack. so then when jack says tim needs to quit. what else can bruce and tim do but agree. and then something happens & tim is called to return to robin and jack has to let him bc that's his son finding his calling & being a hero. how can he not let tim save the world.
48 notes · View notes
bingbongsupremacy · 2 days
Text
Maybe Someday
Tumblr media
Pairing: Joel Miller x older!Reader
Warnings: Idk anything about horses or how to prep them for rides.
Summary: You've been hardcore crushing on your neighbor Joel Miller since the day he, Tess and Ellie arrived in Jackson. Rumor has it he's in a relationship with Tess. Maybe someday he'll finally return your feelings.
*Not Proof Read* TLOU Masterlist
I did my best not to mention anything very descriptive in this. Nothing about looks, gender, race, etc. If I messed up on anything please let me know. Thank you!
*****
" Stop day dreaming about Joel and get back to work, will ya? I'm trying to be out of here before I turn 90. " Maria's tone is laced with amusement.
I snap my eyes away from the man across the street. A warm rush crawls up my cheeks and I quickly turn my attention to the horse in front of me. " I'm not staring at anyone. " I argue, making sure Maria's horse's stirrups are secured properly.
" Sure, Y/N. " Maria chuckles slightly before getting up on the horse.
A small gruff laughter snaps my attention right back to Joel. He pats Ellie on the head before hopping onto his horse. Our eyes don't meet as he walks past the stall, his attention fully on the kid walking besides him.
" You know, there someone new in town I think you'd get along with. " Maria hums. " He's one of the new ones we brought in last week. "
I shake my head. " I'm good Maria. "
" What? Why? " Maria asks while we walk out of the stalls.
My nose scrunches at the thought of the last blind date Maria set me up on . The man was anything but a charmer, insisting on asking uncomfortable questions the moment we met up at the bar. Todd still winks at me whenever we happen to run into each other. " You don't have the best record for blind dates. "
" That's not true. " Maria shakes her head. " Sure, a few of them were misses, sure. But what about Jimmy? He was definitely a looker. "
I roll my eyes. " Maria! "
" What? I'm married, not dead. " She chuckles. The early morning sun sends a small glow over Jackson, making the normally bustling town seem slightly abandoned. Most people aren't out of their homes yet.
" He's only about 10 years younger than me. He was attractive though, I'll give you that. " Maria's obsession with setting me up on blind dates is at times, irritating. I understand she wants me to feel the same happiness she feels with Tommy, I'd just rather find it on my time. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to date someone while my mind's stuck on Joel.
I shouldn't be this flustered at the thought of our past conversations. They've always been polite and...normal. No romance in sight. Nothing worthy of replaying in my head over and over.
Somehow my heart doesn't seem to understand. When I look at Joel I feel like a teenager with a strong crush on a kid in their class. It's...ridiculous. I'm not a teenager and I haven't been for years.
So why doesn't this stupid crush understand?
" Just give it a shot, will you? One last time. If this one ends badly, I'll let go of all this forever. "
Maria and I arrive at the gate where Joel, Tommy and one of the newer residents are waiting.
" Fine. One shot. " I sigh.
A grin breaks out on Maria's face. " I'll let him know. "
I really don't understand why I agreed. Every blind date I've ever gone on has ended up in either heartbreak or disappointment. I guess part of me hopes she's finally setting me up with the one man I really want her to.
He has a girlfriend.
Maybe. They haven't fully come out as a couple. The lingering touches are hard to ignore though.
It's never going to happen. I need to drop it.
" Safe trip guys. " I smile at the patrol groups around the gate.
I watch as the group disappears outside of the gates. With a sigh, I turn around and head back to the stables.
Maybe this date turn out okay.
+++++
I was wrong.
I'm going to kill Maria.
It's been half an hour and I'm already thinking of ways to lose this guy.
" I'd protect you. With me, you have nothing to worry about. " Ryan states confidently while taking a swig from his moonshine. " I've killed so many of those freaks, it's child's play now. "
This man has spent the last ten minutes raving about his excellent infected killing skills.
We're in a world surrounded with infected every day, what on earth makes him think I want to think about it more?
" Mhm. " I hum while taking a sip of my own drink.
I glance around the very busy bar. It's a Friday night after all, everyone and their mother is here. My eyes land on Joel's familiar form. He's seated a few feet away at the bar, his back completely to the table Ryan and I are at.
I was so preoccupied with drinking enough alcohol to help me tolerate the man across from me that I hadn't realized he'd sat down.
" I've had a really good time with you. " Ryan smiles widely.
Wish I could say the same. He spent the entire time talking. I could hardly get a word in. I've never seen a person with so much to say. Now that I think about it, I've never met someone with such a big ego either. You'd think this guy saved humanity or something.
Stop. Be polite.
I force a smile. " I completely agree. " I lie through clenched teeth. I'm counting down the minutes until it turns 10. I told Maria I'd stay an hour and I intend to follow through with that but man is this guy making it hard.
A short, gruff chuckle softly fills my ears. I glance over at Joel. He takes a swig of his drink, trying to hide the fact he was laughing.
He's listening.
" You know, when Maria said she was going to set me up with an older person, I have to admit, I was a bit hesitant at first. "
" Oh? " I raise an eyebrow at Ryan's remark. Where is he going with this?
Maria hadn't told me she was setting me up with another younger guy. She'd probably thought I would've immediately shot the idea down. She wasn't wrong.
Ryan nods. " Yeah, I've had my fair share of fucking old timers and I usually get stuck doing all the work but I have a feeling you're different. "
What the actual fuck.
I stare at the man across from me in shock. " Excuse me? " What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? Thank you?
" What I'm trying to say is, I think you're hot. We should go back to my place. Have a little fun, if you know what I mean. " Ryan smirks while making a gesture with his hand.
Well, that took a turn.
I shake my head, pushing myself away from the table. " I'm not interested. Thanks for the drink, but I should be going. " I grab my jacket and begin to pull it on.
So much for trying to make it to an hour. This guy is insane.
" Wait, you don't have to go. We could have fun. You look like the type to need a little more fun in your life. " Ryan stands up after me.
" Seriously, I'm ok. You have a good night. " I turn to leave.
Ryan quickly grabs my arm, trying to prevent me from leaving. " I literally gave you a fucking compliment a few minutes ago. You should be grateful I'm even willing to sleep with someone like you. I fucking lowered my standards for this. "
" Please let go of me. " I attempt to seem less shaken then I am.
Ryan doesn't listen. " You owe me. "
" Let go. " Joel's suddenly right next to Ryan. " Or I'll help you let go. "
Ryan glares at Joel. " What's your deal, man? This is a private conversation. Butt the fuck out. "
Joel ignores him, wrapping his hand over Ryan's. He yanks Ryan's arm off of me. " My 'deal' is you're a complete asshole who doesn't understand when someone is saying no. "
Ryan pulls his arm away from Joel, his face turning red from rage. " Fuck you, man. "
Joel's eyes darken. " Get the fuck out of this bar. If I see you around Y/N again you're a dead man. "
The threat sends a cold shiver down my spine. He's serious. There's no way he's not.
Ryan looks like he's about to say something else when Joel sends him a sharp look. Without another word, Ryan pushes past me, completely ignoring me in the process. "
The drama caused a few people to tune into the conversation.
Slightly embarrassed, I try to focus on Joel. " Thank you. " I mumble, rubbing my arm slightly. Even though his hand is gone, I can still feel how hard he was holding onto me.
This could've gone so badly tonight if Joel wasn't here. Thank god he was here.
" No need to thank me. That guy was a fucking asshole. Here, let me buy you a drink. I'm sure you're shaken up after that. " Joel gestures to the empty barstool near his abandoned seat.
I hesitate for a moment. Part of me wants to go back to the safety of my home. The other part is eager to have a chance to talk with Joel again. Deep down, I'm also slightly afraid Ryan might be waiting outside to get back at me.
" Sure. " I agree, taking a seat. The counter is sticky and cool under my arms.
Now that the drama is over, everyone's returned back to their previous conversations.
" Are you alright? " Joel asks.
I let out a sigh. " Just a little shaken up. And...confused. " let out a small uncomfortable laugh. " That was the most fucking confusing date of my life. I can't believe Maria tried to set me up with someone who talks like that. "
Joel grunts. " She's so invested in playing cupid that she's completely forgotten some people shouldn't be dating. "
" You've got that right. I'm pretty sure she's just setting me up with anyone who's available at this point. " I shake my head and gently swirl the alcohol the bartender handed to me. " I am never dating again. "
" That's a shame. " Joel takes a sip of his cup, his eyes trained in front of him. " I would've liked to take you out. "
What? My heart pounds.
My eyebrows furrow in confusion. " Aren't you dating Jess? "
Joel's eyes widen as he looks over at me. " Jess? "
I nod slowly. " Yeah, aren't you guys dating? "
Joel shakes his head. " No. We're...we're not dating. We used to for a brief while before we came to Jackson, but things didn't work out. She fell in love with another guy. "
Whoa. I really read that wrong.
" Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea. "
Joel shakes his head. " It's all good. We weren't right for each other. " Joel is silent for a moment. " I'm sorry he treated you like that tonight. "
I shrug. " It's alright. It's what it is. "
" No, it's not. Nobody should be treated like that, especially you. " Joel turns so he's slightly facing me. " Look, I know you're not interested in dating again right now, but if you ever change your mind I'd love to take you out. Show you how a date should really go. "
Butterflies begin to flutter in my stomach. This is like a dream come true.
" I'd love that. " I reply with a grin. " I might have to take you up on that offer. I think I'm just not interested in blind dates anymore. "
A small smile breaks onto Joel's face, a rare sight. " Sounds like a plan then. How does tomorrow night sound? "
" Perfect. "
46 notes · View notes
yuwuta · 1 day
Note
hi. sharing some late night thoughts. vampirehunter!yuuta and blood-drunk-on-yuuta's-blood!reader. lover boy who falls in love and is so infatuated with reader that he let's them feed until they get more than satisfied. sick love yuuta who is happy to be able to provide for his lil creature of the night. bloody kisses and hungry touches. room for confusing morals and angst too haha. for the plot.
you’ve awoken something in me bc i once had this draft (for somebody else rip) about a vampire hunter who falls in love with vampire reader, and… ok well context and background idk if anybody remembers that plot line on wizards of waverly place when justin became a monster hunter, but then fell in love with juliet and had to lie to the monster hunter society program thing basically because he was breaking the rules and whatever… that is how i imagine this situation would, but it’s yuuta, so obviously… much worse 😇 
yuuta became a vampire hunter not because of any traumatic experience with vampires or deep-rooted hatred for them, but solely because he had a sister to provide for and the job paid well, and the monsters in yuuta’s mind and nightmares as a kid were infinitely scarier than any vampire he’s come across. he’s slain a couple before, even gotten rid of a few other monsters for a pretty penny, but when yuuta steps into your territory, it’s the first time he feels like he’s the one being hunted, and the worst part is, the sort of liked feeling like prey.
the first time, he wasn’t actually looking for you. there were reports of disturbances, and naturally, he was hired to rid the area of potential threats. nobody could pinpoint that there was a vampire in the area, but yuuta could feel it, could feel you. he could tell you were different, you had some kind of control over him despite the fact that he’s couldn’t see or hear you, and yet he was drawn to you. in the three weeks of searching the dense area, yuutas seen two werewolves, a mummy, three goblins, and even a snake hybrid, but never you. he felt like you were toying with him, like he was the rabbit hopping fruitlessly to reach a carrot you dangled in front of him, but he liked the ache in his legs, the desperation to be face to face with you turned into an insatiable drive and shameful need to continue to be the object of your focus. he’s shown up to town with enough monsters slain in tow that the people who hired him feel safe, blissfully unaware that you’re lurking nearby. yuuta’s job is finished, and yet, he find himself back on that mountain, searching for you—looking, yearning, because hunting is the wrong word. humans only hunt what they are afraid of, and yuuta does not fear you; he is the one hoping to be found. 
when he finally does get to see you, he’s bloody and beaten and half-dead from an encounter with a particularly pesky zombie and you’re the one that saves him. he feels oddly cozy in your overwhelming presence, and he’s disappointed when you let him go—why don’t you kill him? or tortue him? or keep him? doesn’t he owe you his life, aren’t you allowed to take whatever you see fit as payback? he meets you a few more times before you finally take him up on his offer, and yuuta is far too eager to offer his neck to you, and then embarrassed when you bite at his wrist instead—and yet, he’s still aroused; by the feeling of your teeth in his flesh, by being under your command, by being used for your satiation. you become drunk on yuuta’s blood, but he’s been infatuated with you from the start, desperate to be needed and willing to please. 
the first time you bite his neck instead of his arm or wrist, he begs with wet eyes to be the only human you feed from, and is far too happy to be kept as yours when you promise him that exclusivity. he likes that you toy with him, that he’s the hunter but you’re not afraid of him; you tell him to keep working as hunter, and he doesn’t understand why, but then you sink your teeth in his flesh while he’s on the phone with supervisors, lying about the presence of a vampire in the area while that same creature is sat in his lap, feeding off of his blood. he promises them to get the job done, vows to follow their word, only to come back to you and that’s when yuuta truly feels the thrill of the hunt—and the longer you know yuuta, the more you take from him, the more he gives, the more he deceives his fellow humans and his begs to be yours, you begin to wonder which of you is more of the monster in this equation.
39 notes · View notes
warriorsatthedisco · 8 months
Text
Man lately it’s been like, do a task and then rest. Oh so tired. Hurggghggghg ok do necessary task. So tired. Go to bed an hour early. Not hungry. My tummy feels weird. Wake up, do task, be tired and bored. Rest. So tired. Eat but it’s just meh. Tired. Go to bed early.
16 notes · View notes
bunnihearted · 20 days
Text
☁️🌷
#ugh im so anxious and like i think i have more pains bc of it#i overslept bc ever since i got a new phone my alarm is so quiet i never wake up?? this is the third time this happens for this class#but i cant miss more bc if i have more than three weeks absence they'll fail me :< so i hurried and walked to school#i wish i had a bus pass T-T since they introduced civilian clothed controllants i havent dared taking the bus at all i dont wanna get a fine#so yes anyway. on top of that im pretty sure my sister stole my keys. bc they were in my jacket pocket yesterday and today they werent there#and she left somewhere earlier this morning. so now im anxious abt not knowing where they are + will i get inside?? my mom wakes up late af#ummm what else???? idk im just so stressed. i got to class and have been here for 40min now and the teacher left for lunch#i'll leave now bc i cant focus enough to sit here more. my tooth aches too :((#i just wanna cry tbh#the entire way here i was like i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die#i feel so awful.. and stupd and worthless. why am i incapable of getting a job? or even studying at university? im so bad at everything#im like an anxious wreck who can barely function. everything hurts both physically and emotionally#i dont even wanna walk home im just sitting in my empty classroom bc i dont wanna kove#move*#what's wrong with me? how did i turn into this? i miss school. like i miss being able to actually do my work and talk to the teachers etc#im only a shell of what i used to be. and im scared i'll never be anything other than this :((((#well i gotta move ig bc the sooner i do the sooner i can get home and lie in my bed & cry over how useless i am :3
10 notes · View notes
pepprs · 9 months
Text
done w drivers ed!! :”~D
25 notes · View notes
oscill4te · 4 days
Text
having the most delusional thought process ever rn
5 notes · View notes
problemswithbooks · 1 year
Text
So, the Todoroki side plot got thrown in the garbage this chapter...
The less problematic stuff, aka, Geten being a Himura--pointless and just an excuse to explain the ass pull Hori pulls with the actually relevant characters. I think it's a neat that it turns out the Himuras were just as, if not more into Eugenics type shit than Enji. But besides getting a bit more background on Rei's family Geten being a Himura isn't important at all and really didn't need to be included.
As for the rest--it's trash and ultimately could end up with the Todoroki subplot's theme endorsing abuse.
I've seen people defend Touya getting ice as a power up as it proving Enji wrong--proving that Touya was always good enough. Maybe that could have worked if his ice came out only once he was accepted by Enji and at peace, but instead it's the opposite. We are told a Quirk break through happen when people are put in life or death situations. Touya is getting his ice after burning himself into a black skeleton.
Touya getting ice does the following:
Makes Enji right about the Quirk marriage. He and Rei produced a perfect combo first try and later got a second.
Enji was wrong to stop training Touya when he started to burn himself, and instead he should have just dialed up the training and tortured him worse than Shoto because that's what would unlock his ability.
The narrative is essentially saying child abuse is good actually. Again, because Quirks only awaken like this if the person is under extreme duress, if Enji had kept training Touya, but in a way where he didn't burn himself that wouldn't have unlocked his ice. Touya would still be stuck with his handicap and unable to reach his full potential. He wouldn't have become the perfect combo. Enji being non-abusive wouldn't have solved this problem.
The only thing that would have made Touya what Enji wanted is if he'd abused him more physically. If he'd kept training Touya and forced him to burn himself to the bone. Essentially his abuse would be rewarded.
The story is saying that if Enji had just stuck with it, and ignored Touya's physical pain than he would have gotten exactly what he wanted. Yet, instead he stopped the training Touya because it was dangerous for him. He should have spent time in other ways, developed a relationship outside fighting, but that's not the message Hori sends with turn of events.
It also just ruins any growth Touya could have had. He no longer has to see beyond his Quirk. It robs him of realizing that his father should have loved him regardless of his Quirk and more about Enji not seeing him for the perfect boy he always could have been if his father had just set him on fire at four years old. Touya's no longer wrong about anything--his dad should have kept training him, he should have been beat the way Shoto was. If his dad really loved him he would have let Touya burn his skin off.
To me the way Hori has included this power up for Touya ruins the subplot. Whether Hori intended it of not, it's now possible to read it as supporting abuse and self harm. Your kid can't do a thing because they're disabled--keep making them, eventually, once you beat the shit out of them enough they'll be the perfect kid you always wanted. Can't do a thing because you're disabled and it hurts you--keep doing it, even to the point of full body break down because in the end you'll achieve your goal.
It's become "See dad, you should have loved me because I was perfect the entire time!" instead of "it doesn't matter what your kids can do, you should love them anyway".
47 notes · View notes
Text
Oh my god. You know it’s getting bad when you start doing things you don’t even want to do to procrastinate on something you really do want to do.
It would be one thing if it were something like a hobby; but the thing I want to do is also extremely necessary to my life.
#Hhhhhhngh#for three weeks I’ve been doing this#I’ve had all the time in the world#and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m doing this out of a subconscious desire to prove to myself that I’m actually fucked up in the head#Which is already proof enough that I have that desire in the first place; but I keep going because it’s not enough#I only ever feel like I need care when I’m at my absolute worst#And suddenly after being so exhausted that I fell asleep at 7:00 some days; I’m staying up until 2:30 AM and waking up at 8:00???#and I feel fine and perfectly awake; but still can’t manage to get myself out of bed until 10:00 because Comfy#I sit and I read for an hour; then I go on my phone and emerge at 5:00 PM#If I go in the bathroom it takes forever to get back out because I end up talking to myself in the mirror about god knows what#I feel like I need some kind of… idk… very strong stimulant in me so I can actually care about things#not that stimulants work like that; but I need to have some kind of catastrophic life event… to get beaten up or something#something to put pure fear and concern in my veins#It is summer and there is almost no chance of me getting kicked or catching a football in the wrong place#and I don’t have to run right now either#I could do something#I know how#But even that is a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation; because that ALSO makes me not want to do things#At least then I’d have a palpable (literally) excuse but uh…. I’m still kind of getting over the last time#I am on my phone all day and I recognize that’s bad; but the thing I need to do is to send an email… which is on my phone; so there’s that#hypocritical#idk there’s something about using limited supplies to deal with a problem that needs more and hoping for the best#it excites me#Makes me feel like a big boy who can handle serious situations#But if I create the problem then it means nothing except that I cannot handle problems at all#I should not have all the responsibilities I do because I am not entirely in my right mind#I am thinking about it though#It’s tempting#get behind me satan
13 notes · View notes
scarletcomet · 14 days
Text
scrolling through instagram and it's making me want to die
#i know instagram doesn't represent ppls real lives#but that doesnt change the fact that i don't have many friends who care about me#and almost everyone my year is graduating and celebrating#i am so fucking lonely. i don't think any of my school friends miss me#24 days self-harm free but i might say fuck it and relapse tonight#why though? i guess i just need some way to express how im feeling inside. or maybe it's to punish myself or because im feeling worthless#it's been over a year now since i first reached out to professionals for help for this depressive episode#over a year and im still as lost as ever. i know im doing so much better than i was but i still feel so awful every single day#i feel like i still need to be doing a lot better before i can go back to school#i feel so stuck and hopeless. i know I've made so much progress but i don't feel as if ill be able to make anymore progress#i feel like I've hit a wall and ive tried everything#my therapist told me to just keep eating sleeping and getting movement in everyday and be patient#ive been going on walks every day for like 2 weeks now and i dont feel any difference#seeing my psychiatrist wednesday and im hoping she will have an idea of what to do#i hope it's not just slightly adjusting my meds or even just trying a different antidepressant (not many left i haven't tried)#i also worry that im not bad enough for more intensive treatments like ECT or ketamine#if she tells me that i just need more therapy or another group i might just fucking end it#idk like i kinda feel like im fine and there's nothing wrong with me but at the same time i always am feeling so fucking depressed#i have had so much improvement but honestly part of me wishes i was still actively suicidal#idk what to do
2 notes · View notes
thelittlebeekeeper · 3 months
Text
it's entirely possible that I have 0 game while sober
2 notes · View notes
mooodyblue · 3 months
Text
venting abt unimportant things in da tags ignore me
2 notes · View notes
polaraffect · 5 months
Text
Tumblr media
#damien.txt#so listen. i've been kind of fucking depressed for the past 3 months ish#and im going to tell a story related to that in the tags so. if u continue to read. judgement free zone for me pls okay?#cool cool so im like. Really bad abt taking care of my self & my surroundings when im depressed#esp bc like. im in school & work so. literally ALL of my energy goes to those two things#and i will go. weeks upon weeks not cleaning my room#not throwing out trash. which i am AWARE is gross. but truly i would get home and pass tf out and then wake up and#start the day again. like i just truly was not engaging it in any way#anyways. so there's this library book that's been sitting on my nightstand for around a month ish#and ive also been using it as a place for other nightstand things- putting cups on. glasses at night. etc.#well. so i get an email that this book is due back tomorrow. so im like 'oh i should put this book in my backpack'#and i lift it up..... and fuck. there is literally spotty mold ALL. OVER. the back of this fucking book#i guess one of the cups i left on the night stand leaked liquid onto my nightstand and then it soaked into the book or something#and the book didnt move for a Month so like. it's had forever to just sit there and mold over.#and fuck. fuck! i was having such a good night before this too.#now im like.... what the fuck do i even do#i probably just need to go turn it in & pay the fucking expensive fee but like. fuck me. i wanna cry#it always feels like one thing on top of another. like things just are constantly going wrong in my life#and like i Know this is not. the biggest deal in the world. but it just feels like such a dumb fucking thing to happen idk.#anyways. gonna cry abt that and. i guess figure out what im doing with it tomorrow /:
2 notes · View notes
born-to-lose · 1 year
Text
Missing people and regretting shit o'clock
#why did i even let it come this far. 7 fucking months and i didn't realize what was going wrong so i could have saved it#i want him back fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#was thinking of this notebook i filled for him with memories and poetry and quotes and general mushy things and goddamn#why am i crying i just looked at my desk and i don't have the heart to put everything in a box so i don't see it every day when i wake up#i know i can't change it and it's probably over for good now after i fucked some things up extra hard but fuck do i miss him#i wish i could have done something in time before even the thought of breaking up came up#just when i thought for once things are working out for me and it was really fucking good and happy until a week before it ended#guess i just can't be happy. i never could#i was really really willing to talk things out and fix whatever needs to be fixed while staying together#not go separate ways and maybe not so maybe definitely not possibly maybe see if we can try again in the future#which we (spoiler) apparently won't and i kinda came to terms with that but i still wish there was a possibility#or at least i would have liked to know from the beginning and not spend weeks hoping for a reunion and working towards that specifically#while i seem to be the only one with that goal#idk i just wish it had been more thought through and talked about properly so there wouldn't be the misunderstandings we deal with now#and like boundaries for the first two months or so after that but it takes two i guess#disclaimer i'm not bitter or mad at anyone just sad and nostalgic. if the person in question reads this i love you ok that won't change#deleting later but now i need to go back to sleep before i kill myself on a whim#mel talks#depressed bitch posting#i know i know i know i did some shit too that wasn't great and i'm not saying i'm innocent here i'm just so depressed about the situation#it's been seven goddamn weeks it never took me this long to get over anything before
7 notes · View notes
twistedappletree · 9 months
Text
Akdjakndakbd
3 notes · View notes
boyobjectifier · 4 months
Text
oh now see i thought i was over being grumpy during my stupid ass little bpd episode lmfao
1 note · View note