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#idk what to do weve been talking for weeks and weve kissed already but just nothing happened today
thelittlebeekeeper · 4 months
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it's entirely possible that I have 0 game while sober
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draculagerard · 1 year
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u asked for it so i am HERE to tell u about the netflix tv show never have i ever......except im not going to explain Everything super concisely bc i already have a hard enough time trying 2 explain the complexities of devi vishwakumar when my brain is Actually working but rn i am running on three hours of sleep, an energy drink that partially sprayed out of my nose, and some sour punch straws but i am going to do my best to like. idk explain it. apologies in advance bc this got so long im SO sorry. ANYWAY. never have i ever. its about a first-generation indian american girl named devi and she is like. well. not cool. her n her friends are called the "UN" which they thought meant united nations bc they're all woc but no it means unfuckable nerds. and the person who coined the term unfuckable nerds? one ben gross, aka devi's longstanding academic rival. do u see where this is going yet? great. wonderful. devi spends most of season 1 chasing after this jock paxton (who. we do love. just not with devi.) and imploding all of her personal relationships in an attempt to Not Feel the grief of her father dying. at one point she even tells her mom that she wishes her mom died instead of her dad (ouch, but also, been there). atp devi's friends, the other members of the UN, are taking a "friend break" bc she was. well kind of a bitch. so she moves in w ben (rival) for like a week and then he drives her, unlicensed, to where her mom is spreading her dads ashes and then she goes back up to the car and they go "you stayed" "yeah i just wanrted to make sure you were okay" and then KISS. KISS!!!!!!! but then paxton (jock) also likes her so she dates BOTH of them and then implodes on her and they both break up with her. and then she accidentally spreads a rumor around the school about ben's new girlfriend having an eating disorder which ends up being true. and then paxton (jock) dates her again. and then they break up after like 3 months and ben's new girlfriend (aneesa) also breaks up w ben same day and then ben and devi are like. besties for a bit. devi dates a new guy des who honestly should probably be in a relationship with his own mom instead and then he dumps her bc of his mom and THEN. after all of this. ben jokingly gives devi a "one free boink" card. (was it really a joke ben was it i dont think so!!!!) and. at paxton's graduation he sort of mentions devi but not by name and the narrator (which, i should mention the narrator for devi's inner monologue is american tennis player john mcenroe) says she doesnt get stomach knots!!! but then she and ben share an like an intimate moment in the hall and mcenroe says "there's the stomach knots" like!!!!! and THEN later that night!!!!! she goes to ben's house!!!!!!1 and redeems the one free boink card CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!! and thats where season 3 ends....
season 4 comes out in THREE DAYS and weve gotten SOOOO many spoilers for the first two episodes which (if anyone who watches never have i ever is still reading this and doesnt want spoilers please sotp reading) we find out that ben and devi DID boink and that they both thought iut was like?? bad foir the other person??? and ben just didnt know what to say so he asked if she needed him to call an uber like ben WHAT. as rae @ice-sculptures put it "can you believe that ben gross not knowing what to say after fucking led to the whole spiral of miscommunication lmfao" like they just DONT TALK devi tries to ask if he wanted to get coffee and he says NO because a basketball player at the gym told ben that devi wasnt serious about him because she put a period in the text or somethjing?? so instead he goes and dates this girl from art class margot and devi sees ben with her on the first day of school and gets. well upset. and then someone spray paints "STUPID BITCH" on devi's car and of course she thinks its margot!!!! (but shhhh it wasnt....it was actually this kid ethan....more on him later) and then like other stff happens im not super clear about that but basically at some point ben tells devi that margot doesnt want ben talking to devi anymore :( i dont rlly know much else past that i think thats where s4e2 ends??? but we do know that devi ends up DATING that ethan kid at some point but. sooo many things point to ben/devi endgame esp bc her other main love interest (paxton, the jock) is now STAFF at their high school so like?? i dont think they're going that route but im just. dsjfkhjsad SO EXCITED except i cannot watch s4 the day it comes out bc i will be seeing waterparks which. im so excitred for but also WHYYY do they have to be on the same day
i feel like i didnt explain this very well and left out a lot of like pivotal ben/devi moments but im sitting here jus.t typing and not rereading any of this im. So sorry that this is as long as it is jkhsddfsd thank u for reading this and. if u didnt read it i dont blame u szdkjhdfsakd
WOW OKAY HOLY FUCK A LOT GOING ON THERE HUH????? HELLO.
Okay okay key notes:
I already like Devi and I haven't even watched the show.
WHAT THE FUCK IS BEN DOING HELLOOOO. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM DSFJJFD
by boink im assuming it means fuck right. cause like i've never euphemism in my life
THEY END S3 LIKE THAT ?? FWERLJW
oh LORD devi's complex relationship with her mom okay i hear it
bro the miscommunication sounds SOOO bad... like they cannot communicate properly even once huh 😭
devi ends up dating WHO now???? first the guy who gave them the name un and then the stupid bitch dude?? HELP....
IT COMES OUT IN 3 DAYS??? oh shit good luck??!!
OMG youre gonna go to a Waterparks show????? have fun holy shit
anyways are you kidding ofc i read the whole thing i NEED media rants rn
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quodekash · 1 year
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i once again went to sleep instead of watching an episode but im here for the first vice versa episode now! (and depending on how im feeling, i might watch the second episode when it airs tonight, but no promises)
i love puentalay so much and THEYRE GONNA BE DADS and im also desperately hoping for some aoufuse because i love them so so much and their child who is a dog
aoufuse were parents before puentalay. they adopted a dog together. they beat you, puentalay. hah.
ANYWAY im gonna watch it now, wish me luck, ill probably cry
im also gonna try to not go over the 30 image limit again cos i keep doing that
i love how they put summaries at the start of these as though we havent aggressively rewatched each show in the week preceding the os2 episodes
OH NO IM ALREADY GONNA CRY AND THE ACTUAL EPISODE HASNT EVEN STARTED YET
talay singing happy birthday to puen? this feels familiar. except its actually puen's birthday this time. not pakorn/tun's.
"and as i wished for every year" HOW MANY YEARS HAS IT BEEN?????
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NOOOO NOT THE DESIGN ON THE CAKE
WHY DOES THIS STUPID LITTLE DESIGN HAVE SUCH AN AFFECT ON ME
IM SOBBING
WAIT WHAT THE HELL WHERE'S TALAY???
WHAT DID THEY DO
WHY WOULD THEY START IT LIKE THAT
i know its gonna be fine, this is gonna be like entirely fluff for two episodes because CHILD and they look really happy in the preview
my prediction is this sadness will last three minutes at the most
but also WHYYYYY
honestly i love this acapella intro song
"Faded Pink?" WHY THE QUESTION MARK
PINK IS LOVE
WHY IS IT FADED
WHY IS THEIR LOVE FADED
AND AGAIN, WHY THE QUESTION MARK
IM SO CONFUSED
STUFF YOU
IDK WHO IM STUFF YOU-ING BUT ITS SOMEONE
"since weve come back to this universe" okAY, COOL, GOOD A SUMMARY
"it's already the fifth year" W H A T
WHAT THE HELL
THEYRE SO OLD
AND ALSO WHAT THE HELL
FIVE YEARS IS SUCH A LONG TIME???
ALSO WHAT WAS THE KID DOING FOR FIVE FREAKING YEARS
I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS KID
i know the questions will have answers probably very shortly
BUT THEY DONT HAVE ANSWERS RIGHT NOW AND THE KID IS CONFUSING ME THOROUGHLY
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THAT MUCH COFFEE???
bro puen youre so tired. go to sleep. please.
altho i would like to point out the mug that says "the cat's favourite"
does that imply that they have a cat
please answer my questions
"i really want to drink the coffee made by you, talay" dude i know youre deeply in love with him but you need to stop drinking so much coffee and GO TO SLEEP FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
TALAY HAS A LITTLE WORK TENT IN THEIR BACKYARD??? THATS SO AWESOME WHAT THE HELL
"it's 9pm already???" is this adhd time blindness i am smelling
or perhaps an autism trait
HJRKDFHJBTF THE CHEEK KISSES
bro what is it with our skyy 2 and birthdays
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THEM
I FORGOT THEIR NAMES
BUT I LOVE THEM
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE UP AND AOU
PREEDA AND AOU??
they literally havent said either of their names this entire time
1:27 IN THE MORNING???? JEEEEEEZ
THIS IS SOME KIND OF NEURODIVERGENT TIME BLINDNESS THING, FOR SURE
THIS IS NOT NEUROTYPICAL BEHAVIOUR
looking at talay's phone and im just now realising: how the hell did they unlock their phones in the other universe? they dont know tun and tess' passwords. how could they have gotten into their phones?
there are many things to do with the lore and logistics of the universes that dont make sense and we'll probably never get answers to, but its still fun to wonder and speculate
awwhhhhh poor puen feels unloved and forgotten
akk felt unloved and forgotten because aye had a surprise for him
talay is just neurodivergent and cant figure out time and so he genuinely did forget about it being puen's birthday
BUT NEITHER SITUATION IS BAD
in both situations there is still the love
now i wanna talk about neurodivergence for three hours and justify talay and stuff but i wont because i need to actually watch this episode before it gets too late
why are they being sad and angsty
theyre supposed to be happy and in love and fluffy
"so lets change from a birthday to a hug day" YES PLEASE
I LOVE HUGS
HUG DAY EVERY DAY
GIERKJBDGKJ HE SANG THE OTHER UNIVERSE HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG
IM GONNA CRYYYYYY
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honestly it rly does feel like its been that long since the show aired
its only been like one year
but it feels like five
but also feels like three months
time is weird i dont like thinking about time
lets stop talking about time
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HES GETTING MORE AND MORE AUTISTIC AS THE EPISODE GOES ON
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
i love the concept of hug day
just hug your loved one/s at any random point in the day because ITS HUG DAY
i mean you can also do that any day (as long as theyre fine with hugs ofc)
but i think the hug feels more special on hug day
now i want a hug day
why isnt hug day a thing everywhere
i feel like i could probably talk about hug day for hours
hug day is good
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good. good good good. a man of fine taste.
unlike some people (MAITHEE) who DONT LIKE SPAGHETTI because its "too cheesy"????
THEN DONT FREAKING MAKE IT WITH CHEESE???
È SPAGHETTI
FORMAGGIO È NON NECESSARIO PER SPAGHETTI
PERCHÉ??? PERCHÉ SEI IL MODO CHE TU SEI???
mi dispiace, maithee not liking spaghetti because its too cheesy is a cause for anger in the minds of the little italians that live in my brain
anyway. spaghetti is good. its pasta. è un pasta meraviglioso
good job talay
HUG DAY IS MAKING ME SO HAPPY
I LOVE HUG DAY SO MUCH
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HIS LITTLE POUT WHAT THE HELL THEYRE SO SOFT IM DYING
"day 2: flirting day" OH MY GOODNESS I NEED THIS
this is what i needed for soundwin after episode 9
anyway
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BRO THIS IS THE MOST AUTISTIC FLIRTING IVE EVER SEEN??
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huge props to this guy, damn
PUENS LITTLE STICKY NOTES FOR TALAY??? IM SOBBING THIS IS AMAZING
i love that puen's nickname for him is "Lay" its so sweet
this is incredible so far but i have one question: when the hell is the child introduced and also WHY and also HOW
FEEDING DAY??? BROOOOO
THE CHIPS
THE FREAKING CHIPS
HOLY HELL ITS THE CHIPS
IM GETTING INSANE FLASHBACKS
THEYRE BOUTA KISS
PLEASE KISS
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come on bro, not again
why do you shower yourselves in chips
you did it with popcorn last time
and then you presumably had to clean it all up
now you have to clean up all the chips
why would you do that
why does he keep doing this
this is a really weird habit of his
puen, you confuse me
"confession day" why is that so funny
massage day, nice
KISSING DAY?? GIERJDBKG
OMG THE SONG
GJKBERDFGKHJ I LOVE THIS SONG
MEMORY DAY??? NOOOO THAT WOULD MAKE ME CRY
THE FREAKING PINK PASTRIES???? BRINGING THE TEARS IMMEDIATELY OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS GRAVY GUSTAV
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NOOOO
NOW IM SOBBING EVEN HARDER
its the fact that "memory day" means to both of them the place they fell in love; the universe they dwelt together; the friends they made; the friends theyll never see again; the memories they created together; the lands where they wandered side by side, hand in hand, arm in arm, heart in heart.
im fine.
ooo going out day
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THE FREAKING HELMET
IM NOT OKAY
I AM VERY NOT OKAY
HOLDING HANDS DAY???
"honk the horn if you want me to hug you" GHERIUJDFGHKREJBFN
theres too much fluff
too much fluff for my sad little heart
a buttload of fluff for the eclipse, and now a buttload of fluff for vice versa
hey google, how to deal with happiness
theyre so freaking cute what the hell
ooo day 30: surprise day
two things to say about that
1. aye apparently thought it was day 30 on akk's birthday
2. does this mean the child is gonna appear today? is this very un-subtle foreshadowing?
ah shoot puen is ✨choking✨
HES AN ACTOR
I FORGOT THAT HES AN ACTOR
HE WAS BEING OVERDRAMATIC
I HATE HIM SO MUCH
I LOVE HIM, BUT STUFF YOU PUEN YOURE SO DRAMATIC
FBOUARDHFGL THE BALLOONS AND THE PINK AND THE THING ON THE WALL AND GJRBDFNGJHRKBGD IM DYING AND CRYING AND FALLING OVER AND FALLING APART
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i sense merch
WAIT OMG HE DREW TALAY IN THE WEIRD PICASSO STYLE?? TGJREIDGKN MATCHING PICASSO PORTRAITS IS SOULMATE BEHAVIOUR
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OH ITS A WATCH
PROBABLY SO THAT TALAY CAN KEEP TRACK OF TIME SLIGHTLY BETTER
NRJFGBRHDBGF NEURODIVERGENCE
i love them
probably too much
theyre so sweet
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OH I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THAT
that rly shows how observant i am, doesnt it
"but i fell in love with you when you wore glasses" IM GONNA CRY ITS SO SWEET
im rly hoping someone has a full translation of the calendar because its a lovely idea
"thank you for joining me in doing this crazy stuff" bro if im right, its about to get a WHOLE LOT crazier. youre about to have a child.
puen's final surprise: "im pregnant"
DOORBELL
DUN DAHDAH DAAHHHHHH
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CHILD.
oh no this child is cute
why must the child be cute
i hate children
its one of my defining personality traits
i despise children
(mostly)
(there are some exceptions)
why must i be immediately attached to the child
"is he another surprise from you" lmao yeah he just popped out a child for this specific day
NO BUT SERIOUSLY WHAT HAPPENED
WHY IS THE CHILD SUDDENLY THERE
IN THE RAIN
WITH A SUITCASE
ITS BEEN 5 YEARS
AND THEYVE NEVER SEEN THE KID
WHAT HAPPENED TO MAKE THE KID COME TO THEM
IS THE KID OKAY?
PROBABLY NOT, BUT WHY IS THE KID SMILING SO WIDELY??
THE KID IS SO HAPPY TO SEE PAPA
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JIGSAW??? IS THAT THE KIDS NAME?? THAT'S AN INCREDIBLE NAME WHAT THE HELL
jigsaw and his four dads raising him
TUP
THAT'S THE NOT-UP GUY'S NAME
HELLO TUP
tup is also autistic i decided, and i love him
what if jigsaw is from the other universe.
its possible.
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IEJRKDGN
WHY MUST I LIKE THE CHILD
IM SUPPOSED TO HATE CHILDREN
THIS IS DESTROYING MY REPUTATION
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WELL NOW IM CRYING AGAIN
had to have dinner but im back
anyway WHAT THE HELL WHY MUST PUEN HAVE A SAD BACKSTORY ITS MAKING ME SAD
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NOOOOOO
WHY AM I EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO THE CHILD
I HATE THIS FEELING
THIS FEELING OF KNOWING THAT I WOULD WILLINGLY DIE FOR THIS CHILD'S HAPPINESS AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THIS CHILD TO JUST BE SAFE AND HAPPY
WHY MUST I FEEL THIS FEELING FOR A TINY HUMAN CHILD
I HATE IT
IM USED TO IT FOR CHARACTERS AND DOGS AND STUFF BUT WHY A CHILD
usually people are like "the feeling of responsibility for someone elses life" like its a good thing and im always like 'um no thanks i dont want to be responsible for that i can barely take care of myself' but now my brain is like LET ME BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS CHILD I WILL CARE FOR THIS CHILD AND DO EVERYTHING FOR THIS CHILD i hate this so much
i think its because the child's name is Jigsaw
its entirely bc of the funky name
"you bought a lot of stuff, so you're well-prepared" PUENS LITTLE SHRUG OMG
the shrug says 'what can i say, ive always wanted to be a dad but never wanted to tell you because i didnt know if you wanted that or not'
that could also not be the case, that is entirely possible
but the way puen's been acting since the child appeared makes me think hes either always wanted to be dad (or maybe wanted to be a dad since falling for talay) or the child awakened the dad-need inside him
omg i cant wait for puen's dad jokes
"i think jigsaw fits right into our lives, like a missing piece of us"
i swear if he doesnt say that at some point, im leaving
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I KEEP INVOLUNTARILY MAKING NOISES
LIKE THE GOOD NOISES THAT I RESERVE FOR SWEET HAPPY MOMENTS THAT SHOCK ME A LITTLE BIT
kind of like an 'oh' mixed with an 'aw'
why is the oh-aw happening for the child
i dont like this feeling
HE BOUGHT COLOURING INS FOR JIGSAW?? BRO YOU WANNA BE A DAD SO FREAKING BAD WHAT THE HELL
they cant figure out whose kid it is. take the kid for a dna test you idiots
"does this mean jigsaw is my son? ...i dont have any savings. How am i gonna raise him???? i need to call my mum" BROOO HIS DAD INSTINCTS ARE KICKING IN AS WELL, I LOVE THIS
oh my goodness i think i might be dying
these scenes are too cute
theyre raising a child
theyre dads
and the child is DESPICABLY cute
THIS IS TERRIBLE WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO ME
FJEKBGSUEJB PUEN BEGGING TALAY TO FEED HIM I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
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I LOVE THEM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH WHAT THE HELL
THEYRE SO FREAKING SWEET
side note: both of them have such pretty hair
"PAPA!" "YES?" "YES?" THEY BOTH YELLED YES INSTINCTIVELY THEYRE RAISING A CHILD TOGETHER THEYRE LITERALLY RAISING A CHILD TOGETHER WHAT IN THE HELL
AND TALAY GOT UP SO FAST TO RUN AND HELP HIM
THAT WAS SO FREAKING SWEET IM SO ANGRY ABOUT IT
anyway. see you in like. a few hours. (that is, if i stay up, which i probably will)
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angrylizardjacket · 4 years
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mouth full of white lies {Machine Gun Kelly} 2
2. i been fronting that it’s just for the summer
Summary: So you’re together, sort of, and it’s great! Everyone seems to be convinced, that’s not the issue. The issue comes when you fly to LA for filming, and you decide to stay with Colson, but the room only has one bed. And the paparazzi crash your first “date”. And he kisses you and your heart feels like it’s going to burst out of your chest, which is not supposed to happen because this isn’t a real relationship! But it’s fine. Probably. 
A/N: So bare with me, it’s a very long chapter. Also, pretend the Tunnel of Love remix by haroinfather came out before 2018 and not in 2019. Enjoy. 
the brainstrust: @sataninsatin @silvertonguedserpent @juliarose21 @kellysimagines @estxxbritt @machine-gun-casie @harringtonstudios @misscharlottelee @narcvissa @hiworlditishumbleme @angelwarner28 @nevilles-insinuations @rumoured-whispers @mgkobsessed @edwardtriggerhandzz @suckerforbarnes @wastelcve @bakerkells @local-troubled-writer @freddiessmallnipples @oopsiedoopsie23
----
It feels like you’re braced for impact when you walk into rehearsals the day after you release the video. Douglas has already seen it, of course he has, he messages you minutes after it’s posted.
[Dig Doug: Not gonna say I Told You So, but im glad you’re happy. 🦆🦆]
It gets you to smile, despite your anxiety surrounding the whole situation.
“Now what?” Colson asked after the video was posted, sitting next to you on his bed. The duvet is so soft, and somehow the whole situation is so inherently soft. Maybe it’s that you’re both in hoodies and sweat pants. Maybe it’s that you’d just told the world that you’re dating. His eyes are so blue.
You phone goes off. 
His phone goes off. 
Both of you have Twitter muted, but even so, it needed to let you both know that you were getting a lot of mentions.
“Now we’re dating,” you say, flipping your phone over, while Colson picks his up, opening Twitter and beginning to scroll through his mentions. Where in the Hell were you meant to go from here.
“Alright, cool; you wanna get pizza or something?” He asks, simple as that, and it’s now you seem to realise that you’ve been so stressed from everything that had been happening that you hadn’t been remembering to feed yourself.
“Honestly, I’d love to.”
The next day, however, it’s the elephant in the room; the others don’t say anything, but everyone, even Douglas to some extent, was wondering how in the hell they had missed your apparent relationship. But it’s not awkward; you and Colson act the same as always, you take notes for Josy, and get coffee, and type away on your laptop. 
They break for lunch, and you look up from your work only to see Josy making a beeline for you, an intimidating look of determination written all over her face. Ah, here’s where the interrogation begins. Glancing over your shoulder you see Colson shoot you an amused, if concerned look, glancing to Josy. In response, you shrug; it can’t be helped.
“We need to talk,” Josy tells you, steers you from the room, across the parking lot, into a whole new building, where she paces for about three minutes, unable to look at you, hands basically pulling out her hair, all of which amuses you greatly. When she comes to a stop in front of you, it’s as if you can see the cogs of her brain turning, her fingers steepled in front of her mouth as she tries to order her thoughts.
“You know you’re my favourite assistant in the world and I treasure our friendship, right?” She asks, and you fix her with a fondly exasperated stare.
“Of course, you see fit to remind me every time I bring you coffee -”
“Then why, my little duck, my little goose, apple of my eye, enchilada of my bosom,” she says with an almost poisonous sweetness, looking you directly in the eye, “would you date one of my actors?” And you have to hold back your laughter in the face of her sincere and rather angry confusion.
“Josy, please,” you start, and she already looks like she wants to interrupt, “I like him is all, okay? I won’t be a distraction -” you can already see her trying to protest, but you hold up your hand to stop her, “and he won’t distract me; if anything, it means there’ll be no outside distractions, hopefully.”
“[Y/N] you test me,” Josy sighs deeply, scrubbing at her face, “how long?”
This gives you cause for hesitation, because neither you nor Colson had thought to get your whole story straight the night before. He had ordered room service and you’d just talked about music until you finally went back to your own room. An oversight, sure, but you had been glad to have a plan, and were happy to figure out the details later.
“A few weeks -” when you say this, Josy makes a choked, wheezing noise, and you pause, “since... uh, since he took us around the city at the end of the first week.”
“Does Douglas know?”
“He’s not my handler,” you fire off reflexively, and Josy winces, a little sheepish, “but yes.” You paused. “Now.”
Josy lets the whole conversation slide with some reluctance, and she asks you to get her lunch from the deli a few blocks away. You agree, partially because it’s your job, but mostly because you’re just glad to get out of the building and away from her exasperated, judgmental stares.
He’s corrupting you. It’s what the media thinks. It’s what Josy thinks. And something about the assumption is already starting to get under your skin. But right as you start to get truly annoyed by the subtext she had been blasting you with, you hear your phone chime.
[Colson: am i gonna get The Talk from my AD later on? Ducky: wot Colson: like u no... if you hurt my daughter im gonna hurt you Ducky: Josys not my mom??? shes like 3 years older than me???? Colson: its a joke. chill ducky. everything alright tho? Ducky: told her wed been dating since that night i filmed a few weeks ago Colson: smart. everyone thinks weve been together since then nyways Ducky: you want anything from the deli? Colson: what Ducky: im at the deli. u want a sandwich? Colson: yeh sure. surprise me. maybe chicken idk. webber wants a chocolate milk Ducky: milks bad for vocal cords Colson: he doesnt care 😈]
It makes you laugh. He makes you laugh. It’s as easy as that; you’re still friends, it’s just that you spend more time together, are closer, when you go out for dinner with the cast, he’s invariably beside you. You’re both always on time to rehearsals, and he keeps sending you selfies from costume and makeup tests, and it’s going fine, great even, despite all the nasty DMs you were still receiving. Of course the supportive ones always outweighed the negative, and even the negative didn’t really bother you, because it’s not as if there was a real relationship in jeopardy, so it actually took a lot of weight off your shoulders.
Filming is set to start on location in LA after about a month and a half of rehearsals, and while the first month had primarily been working on scenes, the extra fortnight you’d been there had been almost consistently rehearsing as a band for eight hours a day, six days a week. The day before you’re due to fly off, the whole cast looks exhausted at brunch. 
“Pass me the salt,” Colson yawns, half asleep with his head against the window of the cafe.
“It’s right in front of you,” you counter, knocking his knee with yours beneath the table.
“My arms don’t work,” he groaned, but he was smiling now, just a little. You look to the other cast members all enjoying their own respective breakfasts. Daniel’s on voice rest, despite the fact that they’re going to be using recordings of Motley Crue themselves for the actual film, they still want him able to perform covers for when they’re filming; currently he’s nursing a lemon and ginger tea with enough honey to drown a bee. Actually, Colson was the only one out of the four of them not to be drinking tea; both Iwan and Douglas both having ordered a cup with their breakfasts. Iwan was the only one who looked ready for the day, with the rest of them all slumped over in various states of exhaustion.
“Ducky, come on, please?” Colson actually whined, and you rolled your eyes, passing him the salt.
“You’re so needy,” you tell him, but your smile is enough to let him know that you’re joking.
“Why’re you called Duck, if I may ask?” Iwan asks, and you heave a sigh, knowing Douglas was already smiling before you even turn to look at him.
“Because when our parents first brought her home, all she did was follow me around like a duckling,” his tone is all fond, and he wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you in for a side hug despite your indignant noise of protest.
“Adorable,” Iwan grins over the lip of his cup. You just groan, and steal a bite of Douglas’ pancakes, though he doesn’t seem to mind, “have you worked much in the industry?” Iwan’s accent sounds like home, and despite how quiet and bitter he is in character, he’s rather bright and talkative as a person.
“Here and there; I actually spent quite a few of my teenage years as Doug’s assistant when he would be filming in London,” you say with a half-smile, “still a bit of a duck I suppose, but it looks good on my CV. I do odd-jobs on sets here and there back home, have been a runner for a few TV shows, but I don’t really go out of my way to be on camera, you know,” you shrug, before hearing your mistake. Both Colson and Douglas are already laughing, while Daniel and Iwan just seem confused. “Apart from, like, my actual job, you know? Like I’m on camera for YouTube, but not for a real movie or anything.”
“Well you seem very good at your job, we’re glad to have you onboard,” Iwan nods with a surprisingly sincere smile. Beneath the table, Colson’s hand is on your knee, and he gives you a small squeeze.
“I thought your hands didn’t work?” You raise an eyebrow at him, and Douglas almost spits his drink all over Daniel at the implication.
“Excuse me?” His eyes are wide as saucers and Colson’s quickly turning red.
“I said my arms don’t work but damn, call me out why don’t you?” He splutters, raising his hands in the air in mock surrender, with only mild wincing. It’s about now that you realise the assumption that your brother had jumped to.
“His hand was on my knee, Doug, I was trying to make a joke,” you explain, flustered, though Daniel and Iwan on the other side of the booth have collapsed on top of each other with laughter. You, Douglas, and Colson, however, are all equally mortified, and make a point to move so neither of you are touching as you finish your breakfast quickly.
“I just appreciate,” Daniel was still chuckling as you all left the cafe, as was Iwan, “that Doug genuinely thought Colson was getting busy with his sister at brunch, like, right next to him under the table.
“Nah,” Iwan actually laughs, his smile sharp, “they’re just really in character.”
“Hello! Hello and welcome back, ducklings! Today we’re flying all the way to sunny L.A, which honestly isn’t that far from Portland, but the production company was nice enough to not make us road trip it.” 
The video starts in your hotel room, and follows you as you pack your things, and cuts to a montage set to some royalty-free music, of you heading to the airport, of the cast yawning. Your brother buys you breakfast at a fast-food restaurant in the airport, and you check your bags; a panning shot in the waiting area, of every single member of the cast and crew that are taking this flight on their phones.
“You look cute,” you mutter very quietly to Colson, who’s sitting next to you, scrolling through Twitter with a travel pillow squished up around his neck. He gives you a toothy smile, leans his cheek against the pillow, and winks at the camera. 
The hotel you’re staying at is beautiful, all marble pillars in the foyer and beige and cream counters, and it feels like it might be too much. This is where the stars stay, and you? You know you’re absolutely not a star.
“Duck?” And there’s Josy’s voice, hesitant, about to tell you the jig is up, hand you keys to a water stained motel room a few blocks away. When you turn to her, she’s got two separate key cards in her hands.
“Yes, Josy?” You ask sweetly; it’s not her fault, after all, that you’re not a top-billed star. 
“So corporate wanted to put you with some of the other crew, they’re staying in a place down the road - it’s really lovely, trust me, and if you want it we can still get you a room - but,” Josy glanced to the cards in her hand, before holding them out, one in each hand, “if you’d like to stay here, both your brother and Colson are happy to share with you.” And at this, your brain stalls, looking at the key cards being offered to you.
“Why didn’t they tell me this?”
“Because they’re already heading up, but they wanted me to let you know that the offer’s there.”
So it seems that in the three minutes that you were mooning over the architecture, and giving the guys their space, since you’d assumed you’d be staying elsewhere, both your brother and your fake boyfriend happened to mention that you’re able to stay with them if you want. Douglas is not a surprise; Colson is. 
“How big are the rooms, I don’t want to -” you start, but Josy’s quick to cut you off.
“The size isn’t the matter; they’re big enough rooms, got really comfortable sofas from what I could see, but...”
“But?” You prompt, and Josy gives a smile. 
“Of course, it’s all about what you’re comfortable with; you know Doug’s more than happy to take the sofa, I just know you and Colson haven’t been together that long -” And here it all starts to make sense, and you hope the smile you give isn’t nervous as you ask which key is which. You take Colson’s.
The elevator ride up to the cast’s floor has you wracked with nerves, which you think is ridiculous; you can sleep on the sofa, it’s no trouble, and he wouldn’t have offered the room if he hadn’t meant it. So why does the idea of staying in a room with him, with only one bed, have your heart beating so fast? You’d been teasing each other, flirting and being cute together, in front of other people, that was easy, but since the night you’d released the video, you hadn’t really been alone together. You hadn’t needed to be. It seems like all you can think about as you walk down the beige hallway to your room, on auto-pilot as you scan your key card and enter the room.
It’s quiet.
There’s the gentle whistling of wind that comes from the balcony, the overhead sun beating down on the pristine, Hollywood beaches. He sits on the balcony, plush armchair, smoking a joint with his shirt off. Inside, it’s all white walls and gold accents, his suitcase on the bed, already open the contents inside surprisingly neatly folded. There’s a door beside you that you’re pretty sure leads to the bathroom, and the room itself is spacious, with a gorgeous, gray sofa sitting off to one side, and a wall-mounted television on the other. Just for the moment, all the fears and anxieties in your mind vanish at the sight of this pristine serenity.
Quietly, you wheel your own suitcase to the sofa, and pull out your phone. 
He’s stunning, like that, his feet up on the coffee table on the balcony, free hand tapping a lazy beat on the arm of his chair. You take a candid photo of him as he exhales smoke, and it catches the sunlight beautifully, with the water out of focus in the background. 
“Can I post this?” You ask, and he jumps a little, not having heard you come in, before his concerned expression morphs to a genuine smile when he realises that it’s you. Turning the phone to him, you show him the photo you took, and he lowers his sunglasses to get a proper look at it. After a beat, his gaze flicks to yours.
“’course, it’s a nice photo.”
“You’re very photogenic,” you brush of his compliment with a smile, and he pushes his glasses back up his nose, looking out from the balcony.
“You crashing here?” 
“If it’s not too much trouble,” you respond, and he actually laughs, though the sound is kind.
“Wouldn’t have offered if it was.”
Easy. Like everything else about him, it seemed, this was easy.
You caption the photo ‘the view from my balcony 😍’ and post it on both Twitter, and your Instagram story, tagging him in both, and you set about checking out the room’s facilities. It’s a normal, if fancy hotel room. Little bottles of soaps and shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom, TV with a bunch of standard channels, and a whole ton more that you could pay for if you wanted, it even had a set of cables so you could charge your phone, either side of the bed. The singular bed. Which Colson has clearly already claimed.
Maybe it had been a mistake to not board with your brother. 
“I’m getting lunch, you want anything?” You call, needing to get out of your own head for a bit, wanting to explore the city a little. He’s quiet for a moment, then you hear a strained ‘yeah’.
“Gimme a moment, let me put on a shirt and I’ll come with you,” he tells you through a lung full of smoke, putting the joint out in the ash tray provided, tucking the other half in his pocket for later.
“You not gonna vlog this?” He asks, half smiling in the elevator, hands tucked into his pockets. 
“Oh, shit, knew I forgot something,” you mutter, and you go to punch in the number of your floor again, but his hand catches yours. 
“We’re coming back after, don’t worry about it.”
And, well, you don’t.
It’s easy to talk to him, you swap stories about life in the entertainment industry from two wildly different perspectives, and you find a cute and overpriced restaurant to have lunch in. All the while, you’re so aware of where you are, how there could be any number of people snapping photos of the pair of you. It’s not like you’re being overtly couple-y, you’d only been putting on this ruse for three weeks at this point, but he pays for your lunch.
“Oh, I didn’t realise this was a date,” you admit, a little surprised, a little flustered. He shrugs, eats the last bite of his burger, and smiles.
“Why not? We haven’t had the chance to go on one yet, let’s take it for a test drive. Do they- are boardwalks still a thing? Is a boardwalk carnival still a thing or was that just the nineties?” You’re actually rather taken aback by his suggestion, and can’t help but grin, picking up your mostly empty glass to swirl the ice at the bottom.
“Pretty sure boardwalks are a thing, not sure about carnivals on them, but we can check it out.”
You each finish your drinks and leave, setting off for the waterfront. Feeling bold, you tuck your arm in his, and enjoy the Spring-time sunshine. The boardwalk, as it turns out, is still definitely a thing, as are the kitschy carnival rides along it. 
“I feel like a fuckin’ teenager,” Colson mutters under his breath, knowing you’ll hear it, “if we see a couple where they’re both wearing braces, looking like they just got out of school, I’m throwing myself straight into the ocean.” He informs quietly, and you snort at that.
“Not a fan of traditional cute date shit?” You ask, as the pair of you approach the ticket booth. 
“Not in the slightest,” Colson admits through his teeth while trying to smile at the attendant. The attendant, who obviously recognizes at least one of you, is doing her best not to look like she’s staring. You each buy a ride pass and head in, and the girl tells you to have a good afternoon, with a nervous sort of excitement. 
“This feels like somewhere I’d go with my daughter,” Colson looks doubtfully up at the ferris wheel that sat ahead of you at the end of the pier, looking more than a little perturbed, but his words struck you in a way that you hadn’t expected.
“Have you told her about us?” You asked, and he casts an unreadable glance at you.
“Listen, if we’re going to talk about... stuff like this, let’s at least do it somewhere a little more private?” It seems he, just like you, is acutely aware of how busy the little set of attractions is, and having already been recognized once, it’s almost certainly not going to be the last time today.
The gangly-limbed teenager working the ferris-wheel doesn’t even hide that he’s staring at Colson with hero-worship in his eyes, and he gives you a look over, followed by an approving, rather smug nod, before closing the door of the carriage. It makes your skin crawl.
“Why does everyone get to decide if I’m good enough for you based on my looks?” You hear yourself mutter, but Colson’s slinging his arm around your shoulders as the pair of you are raised steadily into the air. 
“Who gives a shit? They’re jealous, and it doesn’t matter because we’re not really together anyways,” he’s got a point, but your expression is still downcast, and there’s a strange sadness settling in the pit of your stomach. 
“I suppose.”
Once you’re high enough in the air that no-one from the ground should be able to hear either of you even a little bit, Colson sits back, lets his gaze drift across the horizon.
“I told Cassie about us, told her the truth.” He doesn’t sugar coat it, doesn’t try and explain his way out of it, when instead he looks tense, like he’s read to defend himself. You, however, nod, giving him an understanding smile.
“Of course, she’s your daughter,” you pause, and he finally looks back at you, and you think you see some hint of relief in his eyes, “I never expected for you to lie to her.”
“She’s a good kid,” he assures softly, “got a good head on her shoulders.” And now he’s turning fond, giving your shoulder a squeeze, “fuckin’ who knows where she got it, ‘cos it ain’t me.” Laughing a little, he’s surprised when you answer, voice soft and sincere.
“You’ve gotta give yourself more credit,” you tell him matter-of-factly, “you wouldn’t be half as successful as you are if you didn’t have a good bit of sense.”
“I knew there was a reason I was dating you,” he teases, pulling you in close, but you play along.
“Yeah, it’s that good sense of yours,” you returned, and he gave you a gentle shove. “Am I going to meet her at all?” You ask finally, and Colson gives another shrug.
“Yeah, I mean sure, she wants to come to set, so if you’re around you’re welcome to meet her,” his fingers are drumming lightly against your shoulder, “I should warn you though, she tends to vet any girls I’m getting serious about pretty hard, fake or not.” And yeah, you’re laughter’s a bit disbelieving, and though he sees the humour in it, he doesn’t seem to be joking, “she’s a good judge of character, and I’ll tell you now, I’m mad protective of her, but she’s mad protective of me too.” The thought of it is actually endearing, and you lean into him, letting yourself heave a sigh of contentment, glad to have talked this through.
“This would have been real nice to film,” he muttered, a teasing edge to his voice as the two of you stared out at the glittering ocean.
“Don’t even start,” you gave his ribs a shove, which only made him laugh, the sound warm and easy in the afternoon air, the sun moving slowly to the horizon.
Slowly but surely Colson was warming to the little boardwalk carnival. The two of you play obviously rigged games, and ride the rollercoaster that creaks ominously, and he even convinces you to share some fairy floss. He snaps a picture of you grinning wide and genuine as you offer him the treat, and posts it to Twitter with the caption ‘sweet’. 
There’s a Tunnel of Love ride that Colson had adamantly refused to go on at first, but as sunset was drawing closer, he relented. 
“I’m not a cliche! I’m not a fucking cliche!” He huffs, sitting beside you with his arms crossed, his legs so long that his knees came up almost comically. You’re filming on your phone for your Instagram story, and will later add at least two heart gifs, but for now you’re just obnoxiously singing the Tunnel of Love remix, thankful that you’re the only two on the ride at the moment.
“You so fucking cute, when I see you, I uwu, can you be my fucking boo? Can you be my sailor moon?” Hearing the smile in your voice, he turns to you, something about his expression softening as he sees the joy written all over your face that the camera can’t see, “and I don't wanna fight, I just wanna treat you right; I was aiming at your heart and I don't wanna say goodbye.” 
He just laughs, and shakes his head as the ride takes off, fond adoration written all over his face.
The sun’s setting by the time you’ve ridden all the rides you wanted to, eaten all the candy you could possibly stomach, and failed at enough rigged games that you were about ready to call it quits. 
“Hey I didn’t just wanna come here for the carnival shit,” he said, and you’ve got your arm tucked into his again as he steers you both to the edge of the boardwalk, where there was a set of steps down to the beach. 
“Under the boardwalk,” you nod knowingly, which he parrots back with a smile. Beneath the boardwalk there was a gaggle of youth, looking slightly older than teenagers, some still in uniforms from boardwalk rides, some smoking, most looking intimidating, but when Colson asks them for a light, they seem to get much less hostile.
“Hey are you MGK?” One asks, and when Colson lights the half a joint he had from earlier, he nods. “Sick.” The kid nods sagely, before his gaze turns on you. “And you’re that Booth chick, aren’t you? I’ve seen you on Twitter.” It’s not hostile, it’s genuinely curious.
“You’re a fucking idiot, Eddie, that’s [Y/N], do you live under a rock?” One of the girls pipes up, decked out in black, with a thick piercing through her septum, and an intimidating amount of eyeliner. The boy, Eddie, flushes scarlet, and snaps that not everyone watches the same shit as her. “I’m Samara,” the girl offers with a grin, offering her hand to you, which you shake, more than a little pleased with their various reactions.
“I heard yous was boinking -” a third girl interrupts, wearing a boardwalk uniform and hitting a vape pen pretty hard. 
“Emma!” More than one of them shout, though Samara is the loudest.
“Is boinking still the term?” Colson snorts, taking it all in stride, though he’s got an arm around you now, “Jesus fuck I feel ancient.”
“You are -” Emma interrupts, much to the rest of the group’s chagrin, but Colson just laughs.
“I’m twenty-seven you fucker!” He crows, and Emma cracks a smile, and takes another hit off of her vape pen. “Whatever,” he shrugs, “just tryin’ to show my girl everything LA has to offer.” 
“So you come under the boardwalk?” Eddie asks, with a skepticism that made you all flustered at his insinuations.
“Can you blame us for wanting a bit of privacy?” Colson smirks, to which the group of youths all collectively ‘ooh’ at, and he gives your hip a squeeze. 
“Try the one a quarter of a mile that way,” Samara points further down the beach, “less carnival, less people.” She winks, before adding, surprisingly hopefully, “but could we get like, a photo or something first?” 
Of course you both agree, and among the group photos, you learn that they’re all working around town during winter break for college. Samara specifically asks for a photo with you, where she plants a kiss on your cheek, looking a little flustered herself, muttering a quiet thanks. You follow her back on Instagram, and she gives you this starry-eyed look.
“She’s got a crush on you,” Colson snickers as the two of you head down the beach, well and truly out of earshot of the others, and you smile, finally looking up from your phone, a little endeared at the young woman’s antics. 
“Jealous?” You ask, loftily, and you expect him to laugh, but he goes quiet. When you turn to him, he’s regarding you with amusement, and something else you can’t quite identify. “Colson?” And you slow, now near enough to the next section of the boardwalk. As promised, it was rather secluded. 
After a beat, he leans in and kisses you, soft and unexpected, but his lips fit against yours like you were made for each other. Leaning into him, you wrap your arms around him, letting him pull you close. Not exactly sure what triggered this, you’re just happy to lean into it, enjoying the moment. And then he’s pulling back, forehead resting against yours.
“You see the guy to our left who’s just left the group of kids under the boardwalk? Hawaiian shirt and expensive camera?” He asks quietly, and you glance out of the corner of eye, only to spot the exact person he’s talking about, you make a quiet noise of confirmation, and you keep up the ruse, hand coming up to cup his jaw, butterflies going ballistic in your stomach despite now knowing that it was obviously for show, “been following us for the past hour.”
“Fucking paps,” you hiss, but before your expression can sour, he kisses you again, gives you a squeeze, as if to remind you to put on a show of not noticing him. Much to your surprise, he bites gently at your bottom lip, and you let out a quiet but pleased noise that neither of you had expected, and when he leans back, he looks both surprised and kind of into it, what’s more unexpected is that the exact same expression is written all over your face too.
“Back to the boardwalk, uber back to the hotel?” You ask, resolutely not talking about what had happened, but still smiling and all up in his personal space.
“Love it, let’s get out of here,” and he takes your hand, and leads you back to the safety of the street. It’s the first time the two of you had kissed, not that you’d realised it in the morning, but it was good, you reflect, it felt like it made sense. If you’re a little more giddy than you probably should be on the way back, Colson doesn’t seem to notice, in fact, he’s grinning too, humming to himself.
There’s two posts, one right after the other on Samara’s Instagram story when you check it that night, after having briefly seen it in the uber on the way back to the hotel. 
The first is a video captioned [gross thats my mom and dad] The video was pixelated as hell, and she hadn’t tagged either you or Colson, but you knew it was the two of you, wrapped up in each other, half a mile down the beach. In the background, her friends are arguing about something much closer, though one voice cuts through louder than the rest.
“Hey, Hawaiian shirt hipster paparazzi fuck! Yeah you! Give ‘em some fucking privacy!” And as the voice, who you think is Emma, shouts, Samara turns to focus the camera on the paparazzi Colson had spotted earlier, still incredibly zoomed in, capturing his sheepish, angry expression in all it’s rather pixelated glory.
“Fuck you kids!” He shouts back. Someone throws a can at him.
“Piss off!” Samara shouts, “we know you’re not taking photos of seagulls, cunt!” He goes to respond, but the group just starts chucking things at him. In the background, you can see yourself and Colson heading back up to street level, oblivious to what was going on.
The second post is a screenshot of a set of DMs between yourself and Samara.
@yourinstagramhandle mentioned you in their story
6:28pm
@yourinstagramhandle responded 😍 to your story @yourinstagramhandle: god i fucking love you guys, it was so great to meet you @unholy-samara-tin: 😅😅😅 it was the right thing to do lmao no stress he was a creepy fucker
It’s captioned [HOLY SHIT I’VE DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN].
You get dinner with Douglas and tell him about your day, and he gives you this sweet, if a little smug smile.
“You seem very happy.” He says, knowingly.
“I am, it was a good day!” You tell him, and he hums, but won’t say anything else on the matter. The conversation is taken up mostly by excitement regarding the makeup and costume fittings that they have over the next week and a half before filming starts, and then it’s back to your own rooms. At your door, Douglas calls out to you, three rooms away.
“It’s strange to see you so grown up, duckling,” he hasn’t called you that in so long, not since you were children, even your mother had abandoned that nickname for the mildly less embarrassing ‘Duck’ in the past few years, and while it warmed your heart, you couldn’t help but tense in anticipation for some sort of gentle, sibling embarrassment, probably to do with you sharing a room with your ‘boyfriend’. 
“And?”
“And nothing,” he shrugged, “never thought you’d become cool is all, a star in your own right, aren’t you?” 
“Of course I’m cool, would you like me to give you some pointers?” You asked sweetly, and Douglas couldn’t help but laugh at that.
“I walked into that one, didn’t I? Anyways, have a good rest of your night, Colson and Dan have gone out drinking.”
“Thanks for the heads up,” you tell him, and the two of you finally go into your separate bedrooms. He’s right, of course, there’s clothes strewn all over the bed, and the shower’s been recently used, and the whole little place has a warm, clean smell, like the last mist of some spiced cologne was still lingering in the air. The only light on is one of the bedside lights, and the lights of the city outside twinkle brightly, though you can’t see many stars for the light pollution. You crack the screen door to the balcony open, and shiver a little, though you tell yourself it’s from the cold, and not because the rather comforting and clean smells were quickly dissipating. 
You are alone when you try to fall asleep on the plush but desperately uncomfortable sofa, alone and struggling to pass out with the bedside light still on, not wanting Colson to have to stumble around in the dark when he gets back. You spend almost a full hour on your phone blocking people who send you nasty DMs, and responding to a few kind ones, and you post a photo of the roof just captioned ‘cant sleep’.
It’s just gone one when the door clicks open, and Colson steps in, pretty well coordinated, and trying to keep quiet. But then there’s you, staring back at him in the lamp light.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” 
Awkward silence.
“Why are you on the sofa?” He asks, hauling his bag from the bed, shoving his loose clothes in haphazardly, before patting down his pockets. “Sorry if I woke you,” it’s almost an afterthought, and he pulls out a box of cigarettes.
“You didn’t,” you tell him with a yawn that says otherwise, but you power through it, “and I didn’t want to intrude.”
He casts a dubious glance at how you’re angled on the sofa, but doesn’t say anything, and opens the sliding door wider to sit on the porch and have his cigarette. Without even hesitating, you join him, and your spine thanks you the moment you stand.
“Nice night?” You ask, sitting out on the balcony with him.
“Nice night,” he agrees, adding, “nice day all around.” And something about it makes your heart flutter. “You know you can take the bed; I’d rather sleep on the floor than have you get scoliosis.”
“I don’t think that’s how scoliosis works,” you say with a huff of laughter, but he just hums, “and you don’t need to do that, I’m fine,” you try to insist.
“You know you’re welcome to just share the bed, it’s fucking massive, I feel like I’ll get lost in it,” he actually yawns, takes another drag of his cigarette. 
“So you want me to, what, ground you somehow?”
“I just wanna know that if I roll over in the night and there’s something solid there, that it’s your arm and not like, the lightpost in fuckin’ Narnia,” he tells you, and breathes out a lung full of smoke. You watch it hang in the air, pale and silver in the light of the moon. 
“We’re gonna be in the tabloids tomorrow,” you tell him quietly.
“No-one reads tabloids anymore, we’re gonna be on like, those snapchat news things,” he says, and laughs but it doesn’t sound very amused. “Have you been getting less shit?”
“Actually,” you consider, “yeah, most of your fans are mad supportive when you ask them to be. What about you?”
“Your fans are cute, you know that? I was scrolling through twitter and I saw a whole bunch of photos of us like, photoshopped together,” he paused to chuckle, “some had flower crowns.” You can hear the smile in his words, and he seems quite enamored by the phenomenon. It’s a nice moment; he’s drunk and a little high and you’re exhausted, and you fall into bed like it’s a sitcom.
“Tell your spine I said ‘you’re fucking welcome’,” he tells you, and it’s so absurd that you laugh, even as you pull the covers up over you and snuggle in, comfortable as all hell, before turning the light off.
Then, there’s movement, and a loud ‘thwap’ as Colson’s hand comes to knock your shoulder, landing on top of the duvet. 
“Narnia?” He asks, and you give a small smile in the dark.
“Just me.”
You wake in the morning to the sound of Colson’s alarm, or more accurately, his groaning at his alarm. And swearing. And muttered ‘fucking makeup tests’. 
He’s dragging himself into the shower while you relish your days off, nose and eyes peaking out from the covers when he comes out of the shower wrapped in a towel. The two of you make direct eye contact before you mutter a flustered apology and flip away from him, though he doesn’t seem to know how to react, just quietly getting dressed. The rest of his morning routine passes mostly in silence, before you hear him open the door.
“If you wanna get like, lunch or dinner or something, lemme know, or I’ll let you know if the boys are organising something,” he tells you, and you call out a sleepy thanks in response. The door closes. Silence. You could go back to sleep, but you’re curious about the turn around time for paparazzi media, and you were not disappointed.
MTV’s snapchat story posted “MGK and New Boo [Y/N] Booth Caught Getting Steamy Under the Boardwalk” the headline.
The self-proclaimed ‘Rap Devil’ Machine Gun Kelly, best known for his album bloom, has managed to find himself locking lips with YouTube’s darling [Y/N] Booth, though you may know her best as the vlogger, and entertainment industry insider, DuckDuckBooth.
It seems new media’s hottest couple have finally landed in LA after their surprising hookup in Louisiana, set to continue working on some mysterious project that they keep hinting at, and they seem to still be going strong!
The pair were caught after a cute date along the Hollywood seaside - 
[And here they’d entered your Instagram story, from the Tunnel of Love, as well as Colson’s Twitter picture of you with the fairy floss.]
- after meeting a group of fans, they found somewhere a little more private to get a little bit romantic in a way that 90s kids truly will appreciate; making out under a boardwalk. It feels like it should be ripped straight from a John Hughes movie set in Hollywood.
However unlikely this pair may be, you can’t deny that they’re cute together.
[And here’s those traitorous, and almost painfully HD photos of yourself and Colson, wrapped up in each other, that the paparazzi had taken the day before, though with the legs of the boardwalk, as well as the ocean and the sunset as your backdrop, the photos themselves are surprisingly stunning.]
“Fucking paps,” you mutter under your breath, and screenshot the photo anyways. If it’s your lock screen, well, it’s what any real girlfriend would do, right?
190 notes · View notes
madisonrooney · 3 years
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hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?
sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!
first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!
im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)
- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit.  ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.
- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.
- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.
- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.
for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.
the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.
- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.
i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.
even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.
- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.
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haemosexuality · 4 years
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bruh, can we also talk about how this is normalized in christian religious communities (i know that i cant expect much from them but wtf). A bunch of young girls start dating other guys REALLY soon because everything is about getting married early. FFS MY FRIEND STARTED TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE AND SHE ONLY KNOWS THE GUY FOR A WEEK (they're already dating, kill me)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
oh OOF someone please save that girl…. This is deadass so sad to hear about because she's probably gonna have an unhappy life in a marriage out of business and duty way more than love and christian male pedophiles arent really known for their respect towards women…
PLUS MARRIAGE IS LIKE A BIG THING AND BABIES EVEN MORE AND ITS SO NORNALIZED. Marriage is basically committing to a live together!! Of course you can always divorce and im all for it but still. Idk people are always like hey weve been dating for some months wanna marry?? And im like WAIT SOME MORE 7 YEARS FOR THAT. LIVE TOGETHER. WAITTTTTTT
and BABIES ARE A WHOLE ASS PERSON. A WHOLE ASS PERSON YOU GOTTA TAKE CARE OF. Of course no one is perfect and youre never gonna be a perfect mom/dad and its going to be hard, but if youre planning to have a baby AT LEAST HAVE YOUR LIFE IN ORDER like emotional and psychological capacity and maturity to have one, the knowledge of how babies and children and teens work and how to handle them properly without trying to shame them or humiliate or treat then as things, a fucking therapist because this is heavy mental labor, etc etc etc
Like yes this all seems impossible and this is because YOU ARE GIVING LIFE TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. this is not something everyone can or should do especially in today's society, this is not just a dream to come true, like idk i think a lot of people esp feminists would disagree because its basically saying 90% of women shouldn't have babies but like. This isnt a right, its a whole ass person and it would be horrible for everyone involved
And idk its 100% a terrible idea to date as teens because fucking look at us but I think its important (for the people that do it) because like learning and growing and stuff but it sucks because theres no one there to protect us. No one to help us not fall into or realize a relationship is abusive or toxic no one to burn pedophiles and throw their ashes in a volcano no one to give us proper sex ed no one to help us when it obviously goes wrong, etc etc etc. But something I think its inevitable because Teens but I wish people would be more aware is how partying and kissing everyone and having sex etc can destroy you and your mental heatlh completely forever, esp if youre a girl, I've seen so many women traumatized and fucked up forever because of this stuff and it saddens me yknow. Im always so scared for my party friends
And im 100% the boring no-fun virgin too ✊😔 which sucks because since im not in this middle I can see how harmful and unhealthy it is but at the same time people r like well you dont know what ur talking about youre just a no fun feminist without a life that doesn't like seeing people having fun yada yada
Sucks
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chickenfetus · 7 years
Note
ALL MY EGG (and for the four names: jae, killer kang, minhyuk (whichever one), and santa
deadass i did the 100 questions ask meme for this ask and almost posted it rip
🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?
theres literally nothing i dont even know what to say ???? 
💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?
not 2 be delusional but i would give up my world to hug changkyun
🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?
glaceon is UP THERE idk why honestly but the sinnoh games were my first and i just??? i was really into ice and snow and shit u know so glaceon... thakn u
another pkmn ill always have is lucario ????? its just so cool?????
🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?
hopefully forgiveness and like???? acknowledging mistakes and learning from those u know jst positive stuff and like?? water. god i love water
👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?
hm okay i think this one was from last night or the night b4??? and like???? idk???? i dont even know how 2 start tbh?
so im like hanging over at this two kid’s im a kid 2 i think place and idk we just talk and shit??? idk whomst the boys were tho
and then we get to a scene where its like??? at a train station???? and i go to the washroom to shit or smth idk thankfully i didnt shit myself irl
then i have to get onto the train which isnt even a train its like a carousel with seats??? and its like on a train track boys this is 2 much and i forgot to get ready my train card thing so the guy (who i was p sure was evil) waited for me to remove it so i got onto the transportation device lmao
and then once im seated i remember i forgot my jacket so i make like hand movements 2 the creep and hes runnig 2 me with my jakcet but the ride’s way too fast so i yell and say ill come back for it even tho im p sure i wasnt going 2
after that i wke up wild
☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?
i dont have a best friend and all of my friends have their own unique qualities if i went into a rant abt them rn this will b so long
😘 talk about your crush or partner
[minhyuk voice] theres none
💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?
ya bc im petty but it really depends on the person
🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)
my personality (the good parts)
my values
my taste in friends (my Big Friends are either geminis or scorpios good)
🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?
the dark and bitch isnt gonna turn off her night light any time soon
🎁 what never fails to make you happy?
seeing my favourite happy, listening to the music i like 
💙 what annoys you about some people?
i jjust went into a full out rant abt this on the other reply so ill be quiet now
😤 do you get angry easily?
yeahhhhh 
🐇 what do you always daydream about?
my faves tbh
🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?
bad people , gone.
everybody only sends love and happy things on anon
i just want everyone 2 b nice & friendly wars of any sort dont exist and no one wants anybody dead
🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?
if u sent jae’s name earlier id have trouble so im glad
kiss: tihis is so fucking embarrassing wtf minhyku (mx) but only on the cheek basically everywhere except the lips or anyplace weird
befriend: brian :-0
kill: jae goodbye loser
marry: sanha we can yell every time we gotta turn the lights off
✈️ what is your dream city and why?
tokyo bc its NICE
☕️ talk about your ideal day
cant read
🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?
i suddenly thought of the word ambivore which made me think of the word vore i wanna delete im a both? mayb idk
💧 when was the last time you cried?
nov 3 bc my heart hurts whenever i see ppl being a bad friend
🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment
oh worm
all alone - day6
with you - astro
dramarama - mx (even though it isnt out yet lmao)
run - bts (the superior bts song)
hellevator - / (i was rly gonna make this mixed languages but rip)
⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?
to fly bc im basic
💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?
dont do that
💚 who are you jealous of and why?
nobody in general????????? 
💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?
intelligence i have 2 live somehow what if my money gets stolen
🙊 what are you ashamed of?
my humor
🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?
i (barely) know chinese despite having 2 take it all my life legends only
i know english but im bad at that 2 and its my first language once again legends only
i wanna learn japanese and korean 
🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?
the cow from voltron 
☁️ talk about your dream universe.
weve already discussed this
💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?
oh w-0rm ok so im a regular anon on this persons blog and i wanted to send an ask but never got arnd doing it so im gonna send her one. soon/
🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?
let me live my life as a furry and cat
🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike
are u ready 4 me to b the meanest person yet bc i sure am lets fucking go
so theres this girl. and i know her (unfortunately) and ive known her since like 4 years ago and back then she was already pretty shit tbh
she cried bc she had to sit in between the “weird” and “dirty” girls in our class and she headass cried in front of them and everyone just bc she didnt like the arrangement?? shes called the “dirty” girl disgusting before and has made fun of her in front of everybody its just bad :-/
now. fast forward 3 years and in addition to still being disrespectful and rude, she now vocalizes her weird fantasies for her “oppas”??? some examples: 
“when i go watch __ perform im gonna climb onto stage and then my mother and my future husband will fight for me” and she calls those kpop idols weird shit and basically sexualizes them/???? she says the weirdest fucking shit on her ig story and tags them??????? 
another thing. she went to korea nd took a picture of a complete stranger and posted it on her public ig and called him her “oppa” and said that they had a “fun day together” despite the guy not knowing her at all???? she posted the pic of him??? i still dont get it tbh 
she wasnt even being ironic at all??? she calls herself & classmates “autistic” whenever she/others do smth dumb or mess up and its just sososososo fucking wrong
being one of the people to see how shes basically grown from bad to worse is something i dont fucking enjoy and i jsut want to leave my class already lmao 
ok but there are times where i do appreciate her because sometimes the class will be rly quiet and the teacher is basically talking 2 themselves but she’ll always respond w/o fail so thats great but its only bc she talks so damn much 
i just got a flashback to when she “jokingly” said she wanted to be a trainee for the rest of her life how do i just. god
😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately
we’ve once again already discussed this
🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?
i wanted to be various things honestly?? ranging from an astronaut to a vet to an editor to an animator to other stuff i get influenced pretty easily so if i watch smth and i think its cool ill want 2 be that i guess?? ive been trying 2 get rid of that habit so now i have no clue what i wanna be
🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?
sweets and chocolate cake
🍑 what are you obsessed with?
drinking water and staying hydrated
making my friends laugh is great 2
💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?
acne LMAO 
😪 what are you sick of?
the usual
🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?
i love scouting on sif and bandori so yeah 
💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?
lets not 
☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?
to a certain extent
😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?
use my phone???? send nice anons and comment on art/fics 
🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?
none
🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?
my tolerance for ppl’s shit is so low
🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?
my ocs
🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?
i dont have a dream hence myself
🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?
infpt i dont rmb shit but yeah
🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!
falen i dont rmb what u sent
👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?
i dont follow any :-o zendaya has had my heart ever since shake it off tho
🐴 opinion on day6?
ur rly gonna do this 2m e?
all alone just started playng this is terrible lets get it
so day6. a band i only found out about in late june (thank u boxy) and before this i only ever listened to bts and mx bc my friends stan them so i thought i was gonna expect boys dancing, the usual. 
i clicked i smile and i lost my fucking shit as soon as i saw the instruments because prior to day6 i was a big 5sos fan so this was rly resonating to me tbh and i was just !!! so fukcng excited??? i never intended to even get into day6 honestly??? but after witnessing how good they are and watching about all of the available mvs at that point i was completely in awe so i caved a created a stan twitter for them.
now, this isnt even the most of it. after becoming a fan i realized how much more these 5 boys are. they compose (if im not wrong) and brian writes lyrics for the songs each month because of their everyday6 project and again, im wow-ed because??? the amount of dedication???? they went from releasing 2 title tracks in 2 years to releasing 12 title tracks and 12 bside tracks in a single year. they havent released the december song yet but haviing to work on 2 or more songs in 4 weeks is fucking amazing if you ask me. 
theyre really talented and theyre just so versatile (am i using that word correctly) and each month their songs sound different. this project has given them the opportunity to try new things and you can hear the steady improvement in each of their vocals (dowoonie not so much since he barely gets lines, but we all know hes working hard) and if you listen to their debut song - kongchu and compare it to the version they released along with sunrise it just???? the drumming has even changed from the original version nd its so noticeable that whenever i hear kongchu from 2015 i know its the old ver
to add to those, they do vlives every week and although those vlives are always scheduled it still makes my day seeing them and watching them do the usual. 
one thing im upset about is that how they barely promote themselves, they rarely get on variety shows (the most is individual schedules) and we, as mydays never really get to know the boys so its harder to fall for them as a whole. i dont know if its jyp or day6′s decision but if this is how they want to be known for - their music only, then so be it. we still have jae’s presence on youtube, music access and asc. thats the most we can get and it makes it difficult for us to learn about the rest but thats okay.
another thing. their concerts are something i always look forward to (even though my interest has died down a bit;) their concerts are just so fun to listen to?? there’ll always be mydays who stream the concert so everyone else can listen to them play and they sound so good live it drives me crazy. mydays are always so hyped and whenever mydays sing along it just gives me goosebumps??? bc theyre so???? good????? 
tldr; day6 deserve more, following wise and promotions wise because they work so hard and once this project ends i hope they’ll manage to rest but still remain as a presence that will be known instead of returning to jyp’s dungeon.
🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?
there are days where i am more emotional than usual 
📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.
this is tiring
😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?
i sleep and boy it really helps
😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?
rest
🌍 which country do you live in?
singapore
🐧 describe yourself in 3 words
lame funny swag
🐵 which quotes changed you?
“rocky swag” - park minhyuk, 2017
💭 do you keep a diary?
nope
💫 who inspires you?
brian kang 
👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?
yes bc i love losing sleep
🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?
terrible
🎬 what are some of your favourite films?
i watched spiderman homecoming and i have no idea why i didnt see the plot twist coming but its GOOD watch it
🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?
theres none lads
🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?
all my internet buddies but sometimes i dont want to bc im kinda....gross
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pkmtrainerbenny · 7 years
Text
tagged by @wibuwibirb a long time ago and got lost on my notifications askdjskdfh but here it is
Rules: Answer these 92 statements and be happy yes
LAST
Drink: coke
Phone call: My uni teacher
Text message: to my two childhood friends
Song you listened to: Shelter - ᴘɪᴀɴᴏ ᴠᴇʀ - (Cover)【JubyPhonic】
Time you cried: hmm that would be last week, like at 2am or something
HAVE YOU
Dated someone twice: nope
Kissed someone and regretted it: nope
Been cheated on: nope
Lost someone special: I lost a few very good close friends, which makes me very sad.
Been depressed:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah i don’t really drink, bro
Made new friends: yeah!!
Fallen out of love: nah
Laughed until you cried: probably, yea-
Found out someone was talking about you: hmm... yeah, actually
Met someone who changed you: ayup
Found out who your friends are: i found out who aren’t my friends, and that is a just as important, i guess
Kissed someone from your Facebook list: what even is facebook at this point- but no
Kissed a stranger: nope
Drank hard liquor: nope
Lost glasses/contact lenses: hahah- once, because i slept with my glasses on my face and woke up with them gone. they were under my pillow
Turned someone down: ... not that i am aware of?
Sex on the first date: nope, no sex. or date.
Broken someone’s heart: ... i guess not? i hope not...
Had your heart broken: not really ahah- not that i know
Been arrested: I WILL NOT GO BACK TO JAIL! okay but jokes aside, no
Cried when someone died: ... no, actually i didin’t.
Fallen for a friend: Guess not?
Kissed on the first date: nope
GENERAL
List 3 favorite colors: Blue, red and pink!
How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: uuUHH- itS BEEN SO LOng leMME see--... 154 dsfkljdsf i have more followers than that wheeeze
Do you have any pets: i already had two dogs, one was a boxer named Sora, the other a pinscher called Bidu. I had a few hamsters as well and some golden fishes and three betas. The dogs passed away, the fishes too and the hamster i killed one and then gave out the rest to a sick kid that really wanted pets wheeeze but currently no, no pets
Do you want to change your name: want- not really want no, but if I were to choose another name- man, I love the name “Melody” a lot, that would be such a cute name to have.
What time did you wake up: today was about... 7:30am
What were you watching at midnight last night: my drawing being made finally after so long wheeeze- i was drawing last midnight
Name something you can’t wait for: finishing my final project on uni so i can focus fully on developping my game alraedy askdfjiher
When was the last time you saw your mom: like, 10 minutes ago wheeeze
What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my gosh forsaken will to do work because man i need to get back to focus on those things
What are you listening to right now: unravel (English Cover)【JubyPhonic】ᴅᴊ-ᴊᴏ ᴅᴜʙsᴛᴇᴘ ʀᴇᴍɪx
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: nope
Something that is getting on your nerves right now: my lazy ass
Most visited website: tumblr, youtube and my email
Mole/s: Yup
Mark/s: i have- freckles caused by sunburn on my shoulders and... maybe one or two scars somewhere...
Childhood dream: i wanted to be a bus driver and a trashman.... or well, trashwoman. dont ask, i also don’t know why
Do you have a crush on someone: i have a crush on a stable sleep schedule and i know its out of my reach so i gave up. no, no crushes
What do you like about yourself: .... optmism? uh.... kindness? or.... being very patient?
Piercings: used to wear earrings, but now eh just on special moments.
Blood type: O+
Nickname: Ben, Bennyo, Benben, Bencake, Benbun
Relationship status: single like a pringle, looking for Pringles, not dates. Give me chips, thanks.
Zodiac: Aeris
Pronouns: She/her
Favorite TV show: what is TV? im not even joking its been so long since i watched anything-- uh... Bear Bears, Voltron, uh... idk man, weve been watching so much Star Trek lately i cant stand that anymore otl
Tattoos: oh man I WISH
Right or left hand: Right to things that need precision, left to anything that needs strength
Surgery: none so far
Hair dyed in different color: it already was: red, purple, blue, pink and blue, and now that im not taking care of it is green wheeeze
Sport: i like chess. thats a sport. im not good, but i like it lmao i also love to watch voleyball
Vacation: from my room to the bathroom
Pair of trainers: ... two i guess, one have a hole but still usable
Current and all-time best friend: nOW THAT I KNOW i caN HAVE MORE THAn ONE its sazy and avi! not gonna tag because im lazy. But!! I do love all my friends equally, no need to feel left out
Eye color: hazel/ bright green when i cry
Favorite movie: Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers
WHICH IS BETTER?
Hugs or kisses: hugs. i love hugs please just-- just hugs...
Lips or eyes: eyes, yes all eyes are gorgeous
Shorter or taller: ha as if there is anyone shorter than me. taller
Nice arms or stomach: can i like- pick a third option: back? no? well- arms then
Sensitive or loud: a little bit of both is always good man, someone that is energetic and uplifting but knows when to tone down and be gentle
Hook up or relationship: relationships
Troublemaker or hesitant: again, a little bit of both is always good
DO YOU BELIEVE IN
Yourself: i dont omg i know so much bad stuff about me, man hey man, if i don’t, who will?
Miracles: yes, but you need to work for them. Miracles only happen to those that work hard.
Love at first sight: hhmm... i don’t think so, no... you can like someone at first sight, but love only comes after knowing the person.
Santa Claus: good man, needs more love of the kids
If you feel like doing this, please go ahead and tag me so i can look at it too!! Have fun~
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samanthasroberts · 7 years
Text
Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy
Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.
Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.
We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.
JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her
JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.
Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.
Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?
Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.
Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.
Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.
Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.
Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on
These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.
Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!
Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.
Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?
Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.
Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.
Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.
Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.
Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.
Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!
Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.
Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?
Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.
Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.
Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.
Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.
We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.
Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.
Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.
Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.
Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.
Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.
IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.
Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.
Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.
Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?
Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.
This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.
Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.
Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.
YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!
Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.
Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??
Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*
Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.
Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.
THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?
Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.
Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.
Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him
Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.
The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like
Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)
Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.
Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.
Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.
Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.
One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.
JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,
Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.
Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight
Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.
Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.
Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.
Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.
They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.
Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.
Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.
Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.
AKA how I feel watching this show.
Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:
Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.
Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.
JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.
Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.
Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!
Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.
Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.
Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.
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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/
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adambstingus · 7 years
Text
Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy
Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.
Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.
We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.
JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her
JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.
Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.
Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?
Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.
Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.
Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.
Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.
Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on
These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.
Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!
Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.
Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?
Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.
Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.
Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.
Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.
Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.
Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!
Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.
Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?
Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.
Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.
Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.
Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.
We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.
Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.
Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.
Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.
Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.
Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.
IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.
Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.
Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.
Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?
Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.
This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.
Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.
Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.
YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!
Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.
Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??
Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*
Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.
Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.
THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?
Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.
Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.
Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him
Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.
The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like
Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)
Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.
Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.
Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.
Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.
One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.
JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,
Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.
Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight
Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.
Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.
Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.
Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.
They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.
Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.
Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.
Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.
AKA how I feel watching this show.
Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:
Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.
Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.
JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.
Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.
Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!
Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.
Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.
Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.
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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/161120493767
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allofbeercom · 7 years
Text
Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy
Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.
Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.
We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.
JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her
JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.
Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.
Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?
Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.
Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.
Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.
Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.
Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on
These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.
Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!
Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.
Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?
Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.
Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.
Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.
Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.
Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.
Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!
Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.
Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?
Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.
Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.
Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.
Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.
We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.
Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.
Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.
Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.
Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.
Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.
IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.
Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.
Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.
Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?
Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.
This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.
Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.
Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.
YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!
Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.
Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??
Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*
Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.
Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.
THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?
Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.
Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.
Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him
Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.
The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like
Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)
Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.
Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.
Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.
Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.
One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.
JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,
Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.
Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight
Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.
Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.
Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.
Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.
They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.
Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.
Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.
Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.
AKA how I feel watching this show.
Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:
Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.
Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.
JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.
Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.
Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!
Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.
Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.
Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.
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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/
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