#idk it’s just frustrating bc it seems like parts of my body r going to waste by being on me. I’m sure there’s someone out there who would | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

todrokishoto · 3 years

Text

bnha boys x tickles

character(s): bakugou, deku, denki, kirishima, todoroki

warning(s): tickles, blood (nosebleed), swearing?

a/n: random idea i had. enjoy this hc/scenario thing while i work on some longer fics. p.s. i’ve never really written headcannons before so idk if i did it right lmao

B A K U G O U

mans isn’t ticklish

trained himself to tolerate it bc being ticklish is for the weak

won’t tell you that tho bc it’s a valid excuse sometimes ok??

like,,, let’s say you’re tracing mindless patterns on his abdomen right

the two of you are just lying on his bed in his dorm room

and while it might have been innocent enough on your part

he can’t help but be... flustered as your hand moves awfully close to the waistband of his pants

feeling his cheeks heat up, straight up refusing to let you see how much your touch affects him, he swats your hand away with a grunt

“that tickles, dumbass,” he huffs, his voice slightly strained. you pretend not to notice.

your eyebrows lift upward in surprise at his statement. not once had he ever mentioned he was ticklish. propping yourself up on your elbow, you let your eyes trail over his features, studying him.

his eyes are closed but only after mere seconds of feeling your gaze, they open back up. his crimson orbs stare into yours, neither one of you breaking the prolonged silence. you, frankly, didn’t want to. bakugou, on the other hand, refused to - fully aware his voice would betray him again.

he couldn’t believe he had just lied about being ticklish. but, letting you believe your soft touches had tickled him rather than admitting they made him feel things he know he shouldn’t seemed like the most logical option. yes. there was no way he’d reveal his less than innocent thoughts.

“what?” he grumbles, quirking a brow questioningly. “take a picture. it’ll last longer.”

you fish your phone out of your pocket, holding it up above him. “okay—”

your words turn into a squeal as he smacks the phone out of your hand and grabs your arm, pinning it above your head. he hovers above you, eyes full of mischievousness, his teeth exposed by the grin dancing on his lips. you stare back up at him, eyes wide, body tense as you attempt to gauge his next movements.

“how ‘bout a taste of your own medicine, huh? since you seem to find it so funny.”

and before you can protest, his fingertips dig into your sides, eliciting careless giggles from you as he tries his best to find your most ticklish spots.

K A M I N A R I

would tickle you on the daily just to hear your laugh

pls he’s a total sucker for your squealing giggles. they’re his favorite

this boy will find any excuse to tickle you; pinching your sides, blowing raspberries on your stomach while lying in your lap - you name it

one of his favorite ways is to use just a teeny tiny bit of his electricity, making the ticklish that much more unbearable

we all know his love language is physical touch, so he just can’t help himself really

but don’t even think about tickling him. boy will practically screm bloody murder and literally run away from you like a child running away from their parent when it’s time for bed

you’re bored. so bored, in fact, that you’re even thinking about purposefully provoking your boyfriend’s explosive friend just for some entertainment. you quickly scrap the idea, not feeling like being the target of his harsh words today.

your boredom quickly dissipates, however, as the yellow locks of your boyfriend come into view. he’s chatting animatedly with kirishima and sero, his back facing you. you put a finger to your lips as a pair of red eyes look at you curiously. luckily, the redhead understands and says nothing as you sneak up to the table they’re currently seated at.

“hey, babe!” you greet loudly, your voice dripping with fake innocence.

before he can turn around, your hands are at his sides, pinching and poking with all their might. an odd sound - something between a gasp and a grunt - escapes your boyfriend at the feeling and he flails his arms, desperately trying to escape your hold.

you underestimated just how ticklish your electric partner is, it seems. because before you can dodge it and sero can warn you, denki pushes his chair backward, knocking you over in the process. your boyfriend whips around immediately at the sound of your body colliding with the floor.

“oh my god, baby, i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean—” his apology trails off at the sound of your loud laughter.

you’re clutching your stomach with one hand, attempting (but to no avail) to silence your laughter with the other. denki rubs the back of his neck, eyes full of confusion, while he tries to regain his breath from your surprise attack. once again, he catches you off-guard as he crouches down next to you, his fingers finding your tickle spot with ease.

your laughter gets louder and he smirks. “not so funny now, is it?”

K I R I S H I M A

mans has a hardening quirk

aka he can just harden his skin, so tickling him is basically impossible

once in awhile, when he knows you just want revenge for the times you’ve been tickled by him, he won’t activate his power

but still, he barely chuckles, which makes you frustrated™

he doesn’t really tickle you on purpose that often tho bc that’s not manly

will tickle you accidentally while rubbing your arms or breathing on your neck while cuddling

you’ll squirm in his hold and he will just apologize with a laugh and hold you tighter

you sigh, shuffling ever-so-slightly, stuck within your boyfriend’s tight grasp. the two of you had been cuddling on one of the sofas in the common room, but he had succumbed to his exhaustion and had fallen asleep next to you.

normally, this wouldn’t be a problem. you had no issue being his pillow once in awhile and his cute, little snores made it impossible for you to wake him. today, however, he had fallen asleep in the crook of your neck and his soft breaths were tickling you. with every exhale, your body tensed as you tried your best to remain still.

“kiri,” you whisper, his nickname slipping past your lips with gentleness. “babe, wake up.”

he stirs at the sound of your voice, his breathing halting momentarily. you wait in suspense but he only buries his face further into your neck, a long breath fanning against your exposed skin. you squirm instinctively. your movements must have alerted something in him because he begins shuffling shortly after.

you can’t see his face but you can tell by his breathing that he’s slowly but surely waking up. you practically hold your breath, praying that he will move before you have to voice your discomfort. unfortunately, luck isn’t on your side it seems.

“kiri, i love you, but please move,” you plead, pushing against his chest softly. his red eyes are filled with confusion as he props himself up to look at you. “you’ve been tickling my neck for the past fifteen minutes. i was going insane.”

he pouts then. “aw, babe, you should’ve told me. you could’ve woken me up, y’know?”

“yeah, i know,” you sigh, rubbing your neck where his breathing had been just a few seconds prior. “i just didn’t want to wake you, is all. you’re so cute when you sleep.”

“you’re cuter,” he quips enthusiastically, poking your nose with his index finger. “okay, your turn to cuddle me instead. i’m not ticklish so lay wherever you want.”

M I D O R I Y A

i feel like this broccoli bean would be ticklish everywhere?

either that or he’s not ticklish at all

maybe his body’s been beaten so many times that his nerve-endings are either overly sensitive or they barely feel anything

idk™ BUT

sweet, freckled little izuku would also not tickle you without consent

we stan a respective king

he would be so careful to apply a little bit of a firmer pressure to not tickle you

sweetie had been to flustered to ask if you were ticklish when you first started dating and it was too late to ask now

you’re sitting next to him on the gras outside of the doors, relishing the feeling of the nice evening air against your skin. the two of you are chatting mindlessly. well, izuku’s doing most of the talking and you’re mainly listening, but you don’t mind at all.

his arm is grasped between your two hands as you gently trace the scattered freckles and scars adorning his skin. he had been so flustered when you had grabbed it, unable to will the redness away from his cheeks. you had only giggled in response.

izuku didn’t know why you seemed to be so fascinated by his scars. you had always asked questions about them, wondering if he remembered where he got them. always made sure to call him handsome on days where he was particularly bothered by the markings on his body.

he loved it. he loved you.

but as your continue to trace them, your touch featherlight, he can’t help the shiver that runs down his spine. he squirms, his hand clenching together and forming a fist. you take notice and halt your actions immediately. he turns to look at you, meeting your wide eyes.

“did i do something wrong?” you ask quietly, feeling the guilt claw its way to your chest.

“no!” he practically shouts, his voice a few octaves higher than normal. he clears his throat. “n-no, you didn’t. it’s just that... heh. i’m, uh, kind of sensitive in certain spots, i guess? and while i really don’t mind you touching my scars, you were so gentle and i-i just... it tickled.”

his chin tilts toward the floor, his bashful gaze flickering away from yours. you notice the pink dusting across his freckled cheeks but decide not to point it out, desperate to make your boyfriend feel at ease again.

“zuku, say that next time! i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to tickle you. i didn’t even know you were ticklish, to be honest.”

he rubs his neck, peering over at you once again. he grins sheepishly. “i-i never told you, i guess. usually, i’m able to resist the urge to squirm, um, like that.”

“you’re so cute!” you gush, grabbing ahold of his hand once again. “i’m ticklish too, y’know. but i’ll let you find my tickle spots on your own.”

and, for the umpteenth time that night, your boyfriend blushes as he thinks about exploring your body to find your very own tickle spots.

T O D O R O K I

we all know he had a shitty childhood fck u endeavor

he never had tickle fights with his parents or siblings when he was little

so poor bby probably doesn’t even know he’s ticklish until you accidentally find his weak spot one day

let’s say you’re both cuddling in your bed right?? and things are getting a little heated

so,,, you detach your lips from his, placing a kiss on his cheek, then his jaw, then his neck

and let me tell you - this poor boy doesn’t know what to do

he tenses up immediately, slamming his chin down to protect his exposed neck, his jaw banging against your nose in the process

“y/n!” he calls out immediately, chest heaving, his body still tense as if on high alert. he reaches out to you when he spots you holding your nose, your brows furrowed in discomfort. “i’m so sorry. i don’t— are you alright?”

you nod, releasing a hum to confirm your response. your nose is throbbing, but when you open your eyes and meet shoto’s wide bicolored ones, your pain subsides quickly. poor boy looks so helpless - torn between reaching out for you and distancing himself.

“hey, sho, it’s okay. i’m alright,” you remove your hand clutching your nose to shoot him a smile but you stop midway, noticing the crimson liquid on your palm.

“you’re bleeding,” your boyfriend observes quietly, the guilt obvious in his voice. “i hurt you. i’m so sorry. i... what you did made me feel weird and my body just reacted. i, uh, i’m sorry.”

he scrambles out of your bed, reaching for the box of tissues he knows you have stashed in your desk. he hands you a handful of them, awkwardly lingering by the foot of the bed as you wrap the paper over your nose, clamping your fingers shut around it.

you shake your head with a gentle laugh. “sho, it’s okay. i didn’t know you were ticklish there. i can’t really control what my body does when i’m tickled either, so i don’t blame you.”

“ticklish?” he repeats aloud, almost as if testing out the word.

you nod, the innocence of your boyfriend once again surprising you. you feel your heart ache slightly at the thought of him not knowing what the action is. had nobody ever touched him enough for him to find his tickle spots?

“yeah. most people are ticklish somewhere on their body. usually either on their waist, their armpits, feet or neck - like you. it’s normal. typically, when people are touched where they’re ticklish, they’ll squirm and laugh.”

he nods and you remain quiet as he processes the information. then, much to your bewilderment, he leans forward and grabs ahold of your side with his fingertips. he pinches gently and you jerk, narrowing your eyes at your boyfriend smiling harmlessly.

“so, is that your tickle spot, then?”

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hurting-fictional-people · 3 years

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hi!! idk if u take requests, but if u do, i was thinking maybe something where a villain and a hero are in love and in a romantic relationship (which is already stablished),, and then the hero has to fight someone they wont be able to defeat, like a supervillain or something, who is merciless and will probably kill hero if they go tru with it. anyway,, the villain knows abt hero's plan to take down supervillain bc they told them bc they r lovers n share everything <3 and villain tries to convince them not to, but hero doesn't listen and still wants to go tru with it, so villain knocks them out, kidnaps them and keeps hero in their house so that they wont b able to go try and defeat villain and die. bc they love them <33 but their morals r grey at best

Hii! Anon, this is exactly the kind of scenario I love, so thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3

If it wasn’t for the dread pooling in the pit of Villain’s stomach, they’d think that Hero looks beautiful. They always do when that fierce light shines in their eyes.

“Darling, what do I have to do to dissuade you from this insanity?” Villain is almost surprised by how steady their voice sounds. It holds nothing of the wild things stirring inside of them, making their heart race and their hands shake.

“You can’t,” Hero says, tilting their head to the side and offering them a soft smile. “I know you are worried and I love you for it, but I have to go. Supervillain needs to be stopped, Villain, and I can’t waste this opportunity. It’s the first time I have the location of their current hideout, and who knows when I’ll get a chance as good as this one to put an end to all the chaos they’ve been spreading. This city needs me, love.”

“Hero, Supervillain has years of experience on you. They know what they’re doing, and for all we know, they could be the one who sent you the anonymous tip about the hideout location. If you go there, you’ll die.”

Hero frowns, crossing their arms over their chest as they look away. “Is that truly what you think of my abilities?” they ask quietly. When Hero raises their eyes again, their expression is one of pure determination. “I know what I’m doing. I won’t die. And there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

Villain swallows down the need to scream in frustration and takes a step in their direction. And then another one, until they stand right in front of Hero. Villain leans their forehead against their lover’s, and Hero takes a deep breath at the closeness before wrapping their arms around Villain’s shoulders.

“Trust me on this, my love. I’ll be back before you can even miss me.”

“I trust you,” Villain says, holding Hero’s waist with one hand and letting their eyes flutter closed. Villain rubs their back in soft circles, and Hero doesn’t notice Villain’s other hand sneaking into their pocket. “But please trust me on this, Hero. This isn’t a fight you can win.”

“Villain, I already said everything I had to say. I’m doing this whether you want me to or not. I’m sorry, but this isn’t an argument you can win.”

“I could say the same,” Villain whispers.

They open their eyes and find Hero’s confused gaze locked on theirs. There is gentleness there too, staring at Villain’s soul like only Hero ever has. When the needle pricks their neck, it turns into shock.

“You… What did you just…?”

Hero pushes them away, parted lips and wide eyes as they stumble backward, holding their neck. Villain doesn’t stop them. All they do is let the syringe fall from their hand and watch as Hero gasps and shakes their head in incredulity.

“No,” Hero whimpers, and that simple word sinks into Villain’s chest and shatters their heart with the horror it carries. “Villain, what did you do?”

They open their mouth, but before any words can leave their lips, Hero sways on their feet, and Villain sprints forward without thought. When their lover’s knees buckle, Villain is there to catch them.

“How could you?” they sob in Villain’s arms, clutching their shirt. “I… how could… I’ll never… V-Vil–, how c…”

Hero’s grip loosens as their voice dies down, and their hands fall limply on their lap. Their head lolls against Villain’s chest for a moment before their body sags and they are completely lax in Villain’s embrace.

“You matter far more than this city,” they whisper to Hero’s unconscious form.

When Hero wakes up, the first thing they notice is that they aren't at their house. And then the scent. Even without opening their eyes, they know the bed they are lying on isn’t theirs, but the smell is. Wherever they are, it still smells like home.

Smells like Villain’s perfume.

Hero blinks against the sleep still gluing their eyelids together, again and again until they open to reveal Villain’s bedroom.

“You are awake.”

They turn their head to the side and find Villain sitting by the bed. Hero nods, frowning when it makes their head throb, and then deeper at how parched their throat feels.

“Want some water?” Villain offers, and Hero nods again.

Gentle hands help them sit up for Villain to slide behind them, letting Hero lean against their chest and guiding a glass to their lips.

Hero closes their eyes and drinks.

“How are you feeling?” Villain asks, resting their chin on top of Hero’s head. It is pure instinct that leads Hero to sit back against them and hold Villain’s arms around their body.

That’s where they belong, Hero thinks distantly. In Villain’s arms.

When they open their mouth to answer, though, the words get caught in their throat. Hero blinks at Villain’s bedroom again, shaking their head when muddled memories flash before their eyes.

Hero pulls away from Villain’s hug, and turns around to face them.

“You drugged me.”

“I did,” Villain says calmly. “It’s why you are alive to talk to me right now.”

If it wasn’t for their aching head and pounding heart, Hero would think this is a nightmare.

“How long was I out?”

“A few hours. Time enough for Supervillain to change locations – it’s all over the news.”

Hero parts their lips, but there aren’t enough words to voice what they are feeling. The cold, heavy darkness enveloping their heart and squeezing.

“I had to do it, Hero,” Villain says, showing their palms in what might’ve looked like remorse if Hero didn’t know what to look for. The pride hidden in the way their brows curve, the slight tug at the corner of their lips. “If I didn’t, you’d be dead now. I can take your anger, but I can’t take a world without you in it.”

“My anger?” Hero snickers, swinging their legs off the bed and getting up. The floor seems to move when they do, and when a wave of dizziness crashes over them, Hero takes an unsteady step forward. They frown and close their eyes as they sway, and just before they can fall, warm, familiar hands wrap around them, holding them upright.

Hero’s eyes snap back open as they shove Villain away and stumble backward. “Don’t touch me,” Hero hisses.

They make it two steps back before their legs give out. Villain moves toward them, but Hero bares their teeth as their knees hit the floor.

“I said DON’T TOUCH ME,” they shout. “You think I’m angry? Is that what you think, Villain? You’ve drugged and kidnapped me. You completely disregarded what I wanted to do with my life. This isn’t a fight you can solve with a charming smile and pretty words. You, you, you drugged me–”

“I did it because I love you, Hero!” Villain yells, taking another step in their direction.

Hero gets up on wobbly legs and staggers to the nearest wall, leaning against it as Villain follows their movements with a lost expression that makes them want to scream.

“If that’s what you think, then you have no idea what love is,” Hero says, and they can’t hold back the sob that slips out along with the words. Nor the tears that roll down their cheeks unbidden. “Love isn’t choosing for the other person. Love isn’t ignoring what I wanted and kidnapping me. Love is respect and trust and understanding. This? This is… this is a tragedy.”

“No,” Villain breathes, crossing the room and only stopping when there's no more room between them and Hero, soft hands cupping tear-streaked cheeks and tilting Hero's head up until they look into each other's eyes. “Hero, I… you know how much I love you. Darling, I’d burn down the whole world for you. Please, tell me how to make this right.”

Hero closes their eyes, feeling that tender touch they want so desperately to lean into. To let Villain kiss the pain away.

“You aren’t even sorry, are you?” Hero whispers, eyes fluttering back open to find Villain blinking and opening their mouth.

“I am. I hurt you, of course I’m sorry.”

“Would you do it again?” Hero swallows, placing their hands on top of Villain’s fingers, holding them against their face. “If we could go back in time, would you do it again?”

They don’t need to hear the answer to know it. It’s written in Villain’s creased forehead and cautious eyes.

“Then you aren’t sorry,” Hero’s voice breaks as they grip Villain’s hands and push them away with as much force as they can manage.

“Okay,” Villain nods, holding still when Hero steps away from them and reaches for the door. “Okay. Cool off, we can talk about this later. We can fix this. As long as we have each other, we can fix anything.”

“Well, that’s the problem then,” Hero holds onto the door handle as they turn around and meet Villain’s wide eyes. “You don’t have me anymore. I can’t forgive you, Villain. Not for this.”

“Hero–”

They don’t stay long enough to hear anything else. Hero runs, and doesn’t stop until they are as far away as they can from the person they thought they’d spend their whole life with.

When they curl up and sob, Hero can’t help but wish Villain’s touch, soothing the pain and keeping them safe. But the pain is too big, this time. Too deep. Caused by the very hands they want around them.

So Hero hugs themself, and cries for the love they thought would last forever.

#whump #whump writing #heroes and villains #hero/villain #betrayal whump #noncon drugging #drug whump #needle cw #emotional whump #i guess?

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nagipops · 3 years

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hiya can i request a shidou x reader fic where shidou falls in love with the reader but she is hesitant bc she still has leftover feelings for itoshi rin? the reader is the tutor btw u can ignore this if it's too hard 🦆

A/N: idk if this is classified as a love triangle but like 😭 this was fun and nerdy to write, so take it <3 note: this is for a fem!reader!

Electrons - Shidou Ryusei

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

“And then you add that there to balance out the electrons!” You tapped the eraser end of your number two pencil to Shidou’s paper where the two of you were studying chemistry.

His face lit up with pride as he completed the last problem on the sheet. “Hell yeah!” he chucked his pencil across the room in triumph. “This shit is easy!”

You let a soft giggle slip out of your lips as you placed pens and pencils back in their proper place, watching your friend gleefully celebrate his success by punching a hole through his completed paper.

“Okay, Shidou, we’re done for today,” you sighed, brushing your hands together before turning to Shidou with a grin. “You’re really getting the hang of chemistry.”

A self-satisfied glint in his pink eyes, the blonde-haired boy sauntered over to you, grasping your hand with his large fingers as he towered over you. “Only because we have such good chemistry, hmm?”

You rolled your eyes and averted your gaze, failing to suppress the blush that crept up onto your cheeks. “Shidou.”

He hooked one slender finger under your chin, pulling your view back to him. “Hey, tutor lady. Who do you like?”

Your heart plummeted at his straightforward outburst. Who do you like?

Mouth agape like a fish underwater, you stammered, “W-whahuh?”

Shidou held your gaze intensely, daring you to respond.

“Wh-why are you asking me... that?”

He leaned in close until his pink eyes were merely centimeters away from yours. “Because I like you."

You blinked once.

Twice.

This couldn’t be real.

“S-shidou... stop that...” Your face flushed even deeper as you attempted to avoid his potent gaze.

The blonde in front of you furrowed his brow, pulling his suggestive smirk into an annoyed scowl. “Hmph.” Dragging his body away from yours, he huffed, “This is about your precious Rin-chan, ain’t it.”

Your stomach somersaulted at the name of your childhood best friend. “R-rin?”

Shidou groaned in frustration as he brushed past you to open the door to his room. “Yeah, your little boyfriend. I’ll kill that bastard!"

A bubbling melting pot of emotions flared in your chest at Shidou’s outburst. Was it guilt? Sympathy? Excitement?

The fact that he had called Rin your boyfriend made you feel... a flutter in your stomach, to say the least.

But then you were pulled back into the cruel reality where the boy in front of you had just confessed that he liked you. The boy you had been tutoring ever since the beginning of the school year. The boy you've walked home with after school every day and his room which you've spent more time in than your own.

You had really grown to like him.

"S-shidou, wait..."

The lanky boy paused in the middle of the doorway with his back facing you. "If you're gonna tell me you like him, just tell me now. I hate that eyelashed freak." His muttering voice wilted from the lack of energy that was almost always present.

Hesitantly taking a few steps forward, you moved silently up behind him until your face was nearly touching the center of his back.

Every nerve in your body was buzzing with anticipation as you lifted you arms to wrap around his torso, when—

Thump.

Your back slammed against the wall.

"Y'know spatial awareness is my biggest strength, don't you?"

Your mouth hung agape from both the shock and the sheer force of his arm pinning you to the wall. "I was just—"

"Can it. I'm gonna win you back from Eyelashes." Shidou's glaring pink eyes seemed to illuminate the dark room in a neon glow as he towered over you, tilting his chin downwards and letting his messy spiked hair cascade in front of his eyes. Slender, calloused fingers raked up your arms, raising every single hair on end, filling the air with an unbearably intimidating aura.

And then as soon as you blinked, Shidou was already striding out of the room.

Did you get home safe?

Was what the excruciatingly bright phone screen displayed as you squinted at it in the dark.

yeah, thanks rin :)

You've been staying out with him later now

he's gotten the hang of chemistry, so you won't be missing me too much from now on hehe

...

Tossing your phone face down onto your bedsheets as your childhood friend typed his response, you let out an exasperated groan into your cold palms.

Rin. Shidou. Rin. Shidou. Rin. Shidou.

One always had your back no matter what, had stuck with you through thick and thin, showed you all of his sides behind that cold, stoic demeanor.

The other had provided excitement and spontaneity, and every day was an adventure with him; each day you met up to tutor him, you were in for a new treat.

They were polar opposites from each other, yet they still held equal weight in your boggled mind.

Pressing the palm of your hand into your worried forehead, you groped around the dark for your phone before the incandescent blue light flooded the pitch-black room once again.

You're right, I won't be missing you as much any more.

Shit.

“Pop quiz!”

Your announcement was met with silence.

“Shidou, it’s our last day together, have some pep! Pop quiz!”

Siiiiilence.

Heaving a sigh, you lightly tapped his toned shin with your foot before folding your arms determinedly in front if your chest. “Shidou.”

The boy who had not spoken a single word to you during the entire walk home was leaning back in his chair, tapping away dismissively at his phone.

“Shidou, come on! The quiz is super fun, it’s only a few questions.” His eyes flicked over to you. “After you finish this, you can ignore me all you want.” You prayed he didn’t comply to the last part.

He raised his eyebrows interestedly, and you could spot the familiar spark flickering in his pink eyes once again. “A fun quiz? Never heard that one before.” He chucked his phone onto his messy, unmade bed. “Hit me!”

You shrugged. “Okay.” You smacked his shoulder.

“Ow, what the hell?!” Shidou grimaced, grasping at his stinging skin to soothe the pain before grabbing your own shoulder and pulling you into him with a smirk. “You’re gonna pay for that, miss.”

“Mhm. After this quiz.” You failed to hide your blush as a grin broke out across your face, and all of a sudden, you were laughing. With Shidou’s arms around your waist.

He raised his eyebrows expectantly. “So? Hurry it up so we can get outta here.”

You whistled lowly. “Whew, Shidou being enthusiastic about a quiz? Unheard of!” You slid out of his grasp and moved to the back of his chair, grabbing his shoulders from behind. “Okay, so… grab a piece of paper and a pencil.”

He reached his right arm behind you and plucked out a pencil from thin air, throwing a smirk over his shoulder. “Gotcha.”

“What the— Shidou! Okay, anyways. We’re going to test if you remember the abbreviations for the chemical elements, okay?”

“Pshhh, that’s easy!” He hollered, flitting his pencil rapidly back and forth between his fingers. “Go for it.”

“Fine.” Steadying his rocking shoulders with two calm hands, you named the first element: “Iodine.”

A single line appeared on his paper.

“Good. Lithium.” You waited for his hand to finish writing. “Potassium.”

“What is this, some first grade test? D’ya think I’m that stupid?”

You chuckled. “No, I think you’re very smart. Just keep going. Now, place an abbreviation for electron right there… Sweet. Now, the last one is…”

“Uranium.”

Your jaw fell onto the floor. “Wha—”

“Hah!” Shidou chucked his pencil into the air, jumping onto his feet in the blink of an eye. “I knew it!”

He snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you in so close to him that you could see the individual stitches of his shirt. You failed to hide your blush. Again. “W-What are you talking about?” You chuckled nervously as he stared you down. “I was just—”

“‘I like you’? In chemistry form?” A large hand grasped the back of your head, pulling right in front of his face. “Jeez, tutor lady, you really are a nerd.”

Your shock gave way to confidence as you challenged his potent gaze with your own. “Only for you I am. That took me hou—“

Your words were sealed off with fierce lips pressed to yours. It felt like freedom. It felt like passion. It felt like… like a piece of you that just wouldn’t fit in properly was finally set in place.

Like your electrons were finally balanced.

#shidou ryuusei headcanons #shidou x reader #shidou headcanons #shidou imagines #shidou ryusei #shidou ryuusei #shidou ryuusei imagines #shidou ryusei x reader #shidou ryusei imagines #blue lock #bllk #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #blue lock imagines #blue lock headcanons #bllk headcanons #bllk imagines #shidou blue lock #this is so nerdy BYEEEFNNWMA

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xiaoluvrr · 4 years

Text

Might seduce your dad type

Hi hello just had this rly crazy idea, hear me out:

Fem!todobaku au inspired by Billie Eilish’s “Bad Guy”, more exactly the line “might seduce your dad type”, so imagine:

Endeavour thinking Shouko isn’t doing well enough in college (which is absolute bullshit, she’s top 3 in her class) so he hires her a tutor aka Kasumi who’s supposed to help Shouko study but they end up in some uhhh questionable situations (aka Shouko being extremely sexually frustrated and making moves on Kasumi every chance she gets).

One evening they have the whole house for themselves so they’re in the living room doing homework when Shouko finally has had enough, saying “that’s it, I cant do it anymore”, immediately getting an horrible idea and walking out of the living room, going somewhere else in the house. By the time Shouko is back Kasumi has put away her homework, she’s now sitting on the couch, phone in hand scrolling through social media looking incredibly bored.

Shouko walks in with a bottle in her hand and two glasses, Kasumi raises one of her eyebrows, asks “You really think it’s a good idea raiding your dad’s alcohol lair Halfie?”. Shouko ignores her, opening the bottle and pouring until the glasses almost spill over.

“You think I care about what Endeavour thinks?” Shouko says, taking a big mouthful of the drink. “It’s so fucking weird you call your dad by a nickname his enemies gave him” Kasumi comments, taking a sip of whatever is in the glass.

“Kasumi do you date a lot?” Shouko asks, surprising the both of them with the question. “Eh, dated some guys, some gals. Why, you interested Halfie?” Kasumi smirks, expecting Shouko to be flustered yet the girl seems unaffected by the direct question. Shouko tucks a few stray strands of red hair behind her ear before turning to Kasumi, scanning her face, lingering at her lips before meeting her eyes. “Didn’t expect you to be the type to date a lot”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean Halfie?” Kasumi half-yells back, slightly offended that Shouko dares to judge her. Before Shouko can say anything back Kasumi has cornered her on the couch, their faces so close Shouko can feel Kasumi’s breath on her lips when she mumbles out “You don’t know what type I am, who knows, might be the kind of type trynna seduce your dad”.

Kasumi’s stare is so intense that Shouko forgets to breathe. She’s so focused on Kasumi that by the time she retreats Shouko feels dizzy from not only the alcohol but also the fact that she had held her breath for too long, lost in Kasumi’s eyes.

“You have the hots for my dad?” Shouko asks, her brain not being able to filter out her thoughts from what she’s supposed to say and what she isn't supposed to say. “The “hots for”? who the fuck speaks like that?” Kasumi spits out while making air quotes. Shouko shrugs before Kasumi continues, “So what if I do, it's not like he’s ugly or something” theres a short pause “and he’s rich”, she puts weight on “rich” while leaning backwards so she’s more comfortable on the couch.

Shouko’s body moves before her brain can react, straddling Kasumi’s lap, asking if Kasumi has “the hots” for Endeavour’s youngest daughter, Shouko staring at her lips so intensely that she almost forgets herself.

“Tch, don’t be ridiculous” Kasumi beings but her voice turns quiet when her eyes scan Shouko’s face, stoping at Shouko’s lips before quickly turning her face away from the girl in her lap.

“Can I kiss you?” Shouko’s quiet voice cuts the tension. Kasumi's eyes widen as she turns her head to look at Shouko again, thinking she's joking (surely she must be), but one look at her face and Kasumi knows she isn't. She blinks a few times, carefully asks "is it okay to do that?", her heart beating faster and faster in her chest. "If you let me" Shouko answers back, not a beat later.

"Then what are you waiting for Halfie?" Kasumi says before she feels a pair of soft lips on hers, soon enough tasting strawberries.

Notes:

Didn’t expect for this to turn out this long but oh well. Sorry if some of the parts r a bit wonky, am not used to writing this much dialog n this much in general so idk if I did a good job on not being too repetitive.

If you haven’t listened to the song like me (before writing this), u can check it out here (with lyrics). Also if u had a hard time imagining how fem todobaku look here's what I had in mind (minus the uniforms bc this isn't canon compliant)

#fem todobaku #fem todoroki #fem bakugou #todobaku #todoroki #todoroki shouto #bnha shoto todoroki #bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugou #bakugou #katsuki bakugou #bnha #bnha todoroki #bakugou x todoroki #todoroki x bakugou #LETS GO LESBIANS #kasumi is actually bi but nvm tht

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sofhyuck · 6 years

Text

Terrace House!AU Haechan

Genre: fluff, bullet point scenario

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N please read the introduction first!

when you were dropped off at the house you completely expected to be the first to arrive seeing as it was 4 in the morning

but when you opened the door you saw another pair of shoes in the foyer and could hear someone moving around the kitchen

all previous fatigue left your body because shit you were not expecting human interaction this early in the morning you just wanted to slip into bed and s l e e p

your brain was going full throttle trying to think of ways to slip around the mystery person and just hide in your room when the front door slammed closed behind you, crushing all hopes of escape in its wake

you froze, luggage in hand, as the kitchen turned silent

a head slowly peaked around the corner and holy shit the sun rose early today because right in front of you was none other than lee donghyuck, sunny boi haechan himself

his smile nearly blinded you, a soft ‘hello’ fell past your lips

however, upon making eye contact with you, haechan’s smile faltered, a greeting failing to leave him

marking it up to a lack of sleep, you quickly introduced yourself before excusing yourself to your room

a few hours later and you finally felt rested enough to go out and meet the rest of your housemates, plus someone was cooking and it smelled absolutely wonderful

while making yourself presentable, you were able to meet your roommates as they were floating in and out of the bedroom

they were both lovely, one a fashion designer and the other a graduate student studying agriculture idk this was the first thing i thought of

after cleaning up a little you left the room and headed towards the kitchen where your roommates had informed you everyone had gathered

as soon as you entered the room you were once again greeted with haechan’s smiling face

he was sat at the table chatting with the fashion designer and another male figure who looked around your age

his eyes locked with yours and suddenly he froze, causing his two companions to turn and face you

your roommate’s face lit up in delight, glad that “you finally decided to grace us with your presence!”

a small laugh escaped you and you settled into the only available seat left remaining, next to the male who introduced himself as jihoon, an aspiring artist, the same age as yourself

upon discovering you were the same age the table filled with teasing “ooh’s” from your surrounding housemates, all except haechan

he shifted uncomfortably in his seat while you hid your face in embarrassment

after everyone settled down, introductions were made and you all began to break off into your own conversations, all except for hyuck

every attempt you made to engage him was brushed off with one worded answers

you and jihoon found common ground in your love for hiking, your agriculture major roommate, aeri, joining the conversation halfway through

slowly the kitchen began to empty and you found yourself alone with hyuck

before you could even open your mouth, he stood up abruptly and rushed out of the room, mumbling something about being late for practice, leaving you flustered in your seat

weeks passed and your bond with jihoon and aeri grew, but still no luck with haechan

it seemed that everyone in the house except for you was his best friend

every time it was the two of you alone in a room, he suddenly became flustered and made up an excuse to leave

you did your best to remain unbothered, it would be a lie if you said you had no feelings for hyuck, i mean he was your bias but no one needed to know that

all you could do was pray the production team wouldn’t make you look like an idiot once the footage aired nobody wants angry fangirls coming for their ass

you did your best to ignore the awkward interactions and hung out mostly with jihoon and aeri

you grew closer with each day, and when jihoon told you he liked aeri you almost woke the whole house with how loudly you fangirled

aeri had just told you she was gaining feelings for jihoon a few days before so obviously you took this as your initiative to set the two up since you had basically given up all hope on your love life rip hyuck wyd get your act together

so you decided to do something you all loved: hiking ik this a weird choice i just need it for the purpose of this fic and i now realize this could have worked with yuta better pls give me a break

so you find the perfect trail and plan everything out perfectly and you tell jihoon and aeri about this amazing new trail and you should all go together!!! and they’re like hell yEa!!!!

but then jihoon suggests you invite hyuck bc he happens to have a day off that day and he seems really stressed and a nice hike could help clear his mind lol @ hanbin and well you’d feel like an ass if you said no so you hesitantly agree

and jihoon’s all great!!! bc he sees this as his chance to set you and hyuck up he’s roommates with the kid he knows he has feelings for you silly kids so oblivious to each other’s feelings

so that’s how you end up on a hike with haechan while simultaneously trying to set up your two best friends

part of said plan was to tie your shoe and tell them to go ahead without you, leaving the two alone, but now you have no idea how to do that with hyuck there as well

the four of you begin your trek up the mountain making small talk aka jihoon trying to get hyuck to talk to you

and miraculously, somehow it works bc now you and hyuck are having a small conversation

but the whole time you’re glancing up at jihoon to make sure the two of you are falling behind

unbeknownst to you haechan is getting annoyed bc you’re talking to him pay attention to him >:( also he’s highkey jealous of your friendship with jihoon and he’s convinced you like jihoon despite him constantly telling hyuck it’s not like that

as the distance between the two groups grows you can feel hyuck growing more and more frustrated with you and he begins to speed up

assuming he’s frustrated because you’re slowing him down, you finally decide to reveal your plan to him

you scramble to catch up to him, not paying attention to the terrain and woops there goes your ankle

you let out a small cry and hyuck’s head whips around to see you sitting and cradling your foot

boi frEaks tf OuT

he turns to call for jihoon and aeri but they’re already out of sight and he doesn’t want to leave you alone so he zOOmS down to you

“don’t you hike all the time i thought you were supposed to be good at this?”

“ShuT UP hYUcK i’m in PAIN” you yell at him and he blushes bc a) you’re cute when angry and b) you called him hyuck omg he’s so soft for you

but he snaps out of it bc the love of his life you’re hurt!

since he’s a dancer he’s no stranger to injuries, especially rolled ankles

he props your ankle up while the camera crew calls for help

and you’re just sat there mumbling on about how “well this is one way to make the plan work”

and he looks over at you confused bc “what plan?? wait omg did you bring me out here to kiLL mE IS THAT WHY YOU WERE SLOWING US DOWN????”

but you’re just like omg no hyuck i was trying to get jihoon and aeri alone so they would cOnFEsS!

ad he’s just like...oh...but...don’t you like jihoon why would you want to set them up?

and at this point you completely forget about your ankle bc you want to slap the obliviousness out of his head

“no i don’t like him why would i be trying to set him up with aeri if i did??”

“well that’s wHY i was AsKInG!!!”

“ no i don’t like him i like you you idiot”

911 hyuck found dead on a mountain his heart exploded

you both just freeze while the production team is just smiling bc damn this episode is going to get the views to sKyrOCket

now hyuck is all (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ while you’re all (⊙ω⊙✿) bc fuck you just confessed to this boi who hasn’t even spoken to you before today

but hyuck just sits back on his heels and huffs and gets all pouty so now you’re all confusion bc y is this boy sad does he hAtE mE OH MY GOD

but then hyuck just goes “this whole time i thought you liked jihoon and i was too shy to talk to you so i thought i lost all chance with you but this whole time you liked me why am i so dumb oh my god the guys are never going to let me live this one down-”

and you know what you do to shut him up? a kiss on the CHEEk girlies not the lips consent is number one

and he blushes oooh boy and production crew is about to diE bc they know they’re getting a season renewal after this episode

eventually jihoon and aeri come down bc they noticed you guys went missing smh they were too wrapped up in each other

and they’re holding hands and smiling and you’re just like hell yea that’s my otp except they notice the paramedics around you so they’re all concerned but you’re just like nah fam it’s fine anyways tell me what happened on top of the mountain hmmmm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and they go on about how it was so romantic and you’re eating up until they noticed you and hyuck holding hands and now it’s their turn to interrogate you two

somehow you all make it off the mountain and your ankle was fine just need to ice it and you’ll be all good

a few days later after your ankle is 100% you and hyuck go on your first official date

you get dinner and then walk around hongdae a bit before returning home and chill watching the tv

but hyuck can’t focus bc you just look so prEtTY and you can’t focus bc omg why is this boy staring at me???

you look over at him and make eye contact bc, well, he can’t take his eyes off of you

time freezes and you both slowly lean into each other until your lips meet

the kiss doesn’t last long bc you both can’t stop smiling

meanwhile the cameramen are all crying bc yall are just too cute and the producers are ready to be rolling in cash

the rest of the show is spent with you guys and jihoon and aeri fighting over who’s the real otp of the show while the other two housemates just watch in amusement like “oh these kids”

Masterlist

#ending is bad but idc at this point #look who's finally bringing this back lol #haechan imagine #haechan au #nct imagine #nct au #nct fluff #donghyuck au #donghyuck imagine #haechan #lee donghyuck #nct #nct scenario #haechan scenario #donghyuck scenario

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pastpassages · 3 years

Video

youtube

This isn’t particularly a “me and natsuki” song so much as a “this seems to capture some of the way I experience love and also the world” song but. I wanted to put it here and some thinky thoughts bc it’s late and I feel like pontificating I guess. Properties/fandoms/people I mention but do not want to draw the attention of have been censored, if you can’t figure out what they are and really want to know feel free to message me.

Cw: exploration of like. The inevitability of death, and change, and facing the vast universe. Tl;dr this song is macabre and its speaker knows that wishing for things to stay as they are is in vain, but does it anyway. That fuckin gets me bro.

Ideally the read more will work. I apologize if it doesn’t. I’m on mobile and not sure that tumblr will let me edit posts on desktop that I started on mobile. I literally copy and pasted this freaking post onto desktop so it would have a read more bc no one fucking deserves to scroll through my late night mile long thoroughly existential ramblings. At least I’m posting this fuck off late at night so hopefully it won’t bother anyone

The simple instrumentation, first off. It’s p much the same…one? Two? Maybe three measures? Repeated throughout the song, but I think it works very well with the themes and meaning and doesn’t annoy me like other acoustic-style music with so much repetition (*cough* M*mf*rd and S*ns *cough*). This is partially I think bc there’s changes in the notes etc between different parts of the song; the measure of silence between the intro and the first main stanza of the song, the change in. I think it’s key? Over the course of repeating the chorus. (It’s been so long since I’ve done music, stanza isn’t the right word and key probably isn’t either hELP)

But the main thing that seems to get me: the lyrics.

“How lucky / I ever was to see / The way that / You smiled at me / Your little moon face / Shining bright at me / One day soon, there’ll be nothing left of you and me / Two coffins for sleep” (I may have put too many line breaks in there lol but that’s how it Feels so I’m keeping it)

There’s this constant awareness of the inevitability of loss (specifically death in this case), and how. Mm, how to put it. The randomness of the universe can so often work against us, and being aware of that makes you incredibly thankful for the times when things do go in your favor. Very similar vibes to TWRP’s Life Party, though definitely more macabre in tone.

Going back to the first stanza in the song:

“Two coffins for sleep / One for you, one for me / We’ll get there eventually / In the dark of our graves, our bodies will decay / I wish you’d never change”

Something I find interesting about this portion is that, despite ending with “I wish you’d never change,” acknowledging that this change, death, is inevitable, there’s still this. Hope? I guess might be the right word? Or maybe faith. That the speaker and the person addressed in the song will be together in death. They will be in separate coffins, but “we’ll” get there; “in the dark of our graves, our bodies will decay. Plural. They may be separated physically but they are undergoing the same process, and perhaps there is some measure of togetherness in that. It may just be economical phrasing to fit the rhythm of the song, but it still implies a togetherness to me. It could have been phrased "I’ll get there and you’ll get there,” “in the dark of the graves, our bodies,” or similar. Again, that probably wouldn’t work with the rhythm and there is probably not an inherent meaning to it, but still! I was an English major, reading more into things that aren’t necessarily there is like My Job lol.

Anyway, before I got sidetracked by that thought I was going to say that the main point of this portion of the song is this sort of impossible wish for the speaker and the person addressed to not be separated. Yes, this is inevitable, yes, there is no fighting it, but…wouldn’t it be nice? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a small kindness from the universe like that, to not be separated in the end. It won’t happen, but let’s take a moment to imagine it anyway.

Another side note, this is kind of a similar thought process to why I like the way st*vens *niverses handles its villains. Yes, talking and emotional connection with those you’re in conflict with doesn’t always work. But isn’t it nice to imagine a world where it does? And if we do imagine that, maybe we can find a few ways to be more compassionate in our world, to extend grace and kindness where we might not have thought to otherwise. And perhaps that will make the world just a tiny bit better.

Anyway. Moving forward:

“All the things that I have yet to lose will someday be gone too / Back into annihilation / All things will fade, maybe it’s better off that way / I wish you’d stay with me”

First off, the phrasing “back into annihilation.” We come from nothingness, we will return to nothingness. This is not a religious song. There is not an afterlife waiting for us, nothing that created us. There is the life we have, here and now, and then it’s gone.

Otherwise, this stanza continues the overall theme: we inevitably march on towards death, and separation. We will lose all that we have. Perhaps that is good, ultimately; would it truly make you happy in the long run to never experience pain or loss? This is a sentiment that I’m sure has been expressed many times by many people, but that I remember first hearing from st*r tr*k, though I cannot currently find a clip of the moment I’m thinking of. Not that human life is inherently bad or painful, but that pain is a necessary part of life to balance the good. If there was not pain of some kind in your life, you would not appreciate your happiness so much. Obviously, this line of thinking only goes so far; it is not, for example, a good thing that marginalized people tend to experience outsized pain in comparison with the nice things they receive from society. Happiness for marginalized people is more often forged and seized, stolen from life rather than given freely by it. No, poverty does not “make you appreciate the virtues of life” more, it makes you hungry and tired and frustrated, can you please just take some action against it. Conversely, j*ff b*z*s could probably use a bit more pain in his life! ….I got sidetracked again. Wish tumblr had a footnotes feature. Anyway. The speaker acknowledges the inevitability of death/loss, but once again expresses that vain wish to not lose the person addressed in the song, to keep what they have in this moment. Once again, this will never happen. Let’s imagine it anyway. Perhaps it will be a comfort, despite its improbability.

After this, the chorus is repeated, eventually shifting into a repetition of the phrase “Two coffins for sleep,” finishing the song. To return to the instrumentation, the guitar and drums follow a consistent, simple rhythm, mimicking that of walking. Constantly moving forward, even when we don’t want to. We will die, eventually, “one day soon,” far off and yet much closer than we hope or want. Change is inevitable. Death is inevitable.

And yet. That small, vain hope remains. “I wish you’d stay with me.” “I wish you’d never change.” Maybe, in a kinder world, we could keep this moment as more than a memory. “How lucky / I ever was to see / The way that / You smiled at me.” In all the cold randomness of the universe, against all improbability, we did meet. We brought each other joy. “Your little moon face / Shining bright at me.” We reflect the good, the kindness in each other. “One day soon, there’ll be nothing left of you and me.” And yet. And yet. “Two coffins for sleep / Two coffins for sleep.” Separated, and yet together, even if it’s just an illusion.

To explain why this means so much to me….I’m not sure I can do it succinctly lol. But hey, this post is a mile long already, so why not. No one’s obligated to read this lol.

When I was younger I was more religious. (This is not a “religion/spirituality is a childish thing and I have put that behind me” point, don’t worry.) When I was a teenager I was an atheist for like. Edgy points, idk. I was starting to see some of the worse parts of the world, starting to wonder what gods who truly cared about the world would let it get so horrid for so many. I’m still fairly young (mid-20s is not old, I must keep reminding myself), but now my view is…somewhere in the middle of those two points. Or maybe it’s more that I took a left turn?

The point is, now I kind of don’t care whether there is a god/are gods, whatever. You know how when you’re a kid (barring abusive circumstances that break this illusion much earlier etc) you believe that your parents know everything? They can fix anything, they’re your parents! They’re your whole world! And then you get older, and you realize that no. They don’t know everything. They were your whole world, perhaps, but there’s literally billions more people in the world. People that you can connect to, learn from, build things together with. The world is so much more than you and your parents. That’s the stage I’m at with my belief in a higher power. Sure, they might be out there. But they’re just one being, how could they possibly understand and control everything in this fuck off complicated world of ours? Or, if you’re going the polytheistic route, they’re just as complicated as the rest of the world. Chances are, appeasing one would anger another. One step forward, two steps back. (I should make it explicit if it wasn’t already clear, I come from a Xtian background. I default to thinking of god in the singular. Not sure how well this point holds up from a polytheistic perspective tbh!)

Anyway. It does not matter whether there is a higher power. There is more to the world than that. We are here. We have each other.

There’s a moment in night in the woods that hit me like a truck. Angus says, “so I believe in a universe that doesn’t care, and people who do.” I have essentially taken four times as many words to express that same sentiment! But like. That’s it. It doesn’t matter whether there’s a higher power. If they can fix the world, they haven’t, and if they can’t, then they can’t. We can, piece by piece. Moment by moment.

The thing about this. Is that humans. Are not, by nature, necessarily good. “People are fundamentally people,” as TPratchett and NGaiman put it. The world is infinitely complicated, and on top of that we as individual humans are infinitely complex. We do not, by default, seek out and work towards the good of others. (We do not inherently seek out hurting others either! Get that original sin shit out of here!) But like. If there isn’t a higher power that’s going to just fix our shit for us? If we’re all we’ve got?

And thus. Finally. The reason this song speaks to me. Oh my lord is it existentially horrifying to think that it comes down to silly, insignificant, flawed humans to change the world. You have to find something to give you joy. Or at least a moment of less pain. The world is so vast, and we can do so little.

But we have each other. In this vast, empty universe, I have you, and you have me. And perhaps, to soothe our fears and make things just a little easier on ourselves, we can pretend that the world will be kind. Wouldn’t it be nice? If things were kinder. Let’s take a moment to imagine it. There, that’s a nice thought, isn’t it? The world will not be kind. But for a moment, we can pretend it will.

Perhaps, if we are very lucky, we can even take a small step towards that kinder world.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

#long post #just in case the read more doesn't work #i am so sorry if it doesn't #i TRIED yall #anyway. this was originally going to be on my...other...blog #which is why i make a reference to 'me and natsuki' song #if u know what that means cool #if you don't i will not explain it #you will have to live in mystery #or fuckin. do some research to figure it out it's probably not that hard but im not giving you the answer #AN. Y. WAY.#hope yall are having a good day the past few have been an emotional roller coaster for me and i think that's why all this is going through #my head #i didn't want to have all of this swirling endlessly when i was trying to sleep #so instead i stayed up to write it all down :)#clearly. i have made a good decision /s(?)#beep boop im gonna have a snack and then go the fuck to sleep #oh also. fuckin buried way too late in the tags #but if you do read this and there's something you think i should have tagged/warned for feel free to let me know!#i'll add it to the warnings etc

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surpreyesmee · 6 years

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so i have been studying / researching prostitution for 2 research-ish papers, 1 supporting decriminalization, and the one im working on now, supporting abolition (as opposed to continued criminalization which punishes the people who are victims) and i’m learning a lot that goes against what i thought / had recently been taught to think....like that the term ‘sex worker’ was coined by a woman named priscilla alexander who claimed that because she spent four years at bennington college she had the authority / right / knowledge to do so...not because she had ever been a prostitute....and i’ve thought this before but never vocalized it because i know it’s definitely contentious but like there is a huge gigantic difference between street / outdoor prostitution and people who now like sell pics online or whatever. like it’s just different. it seems weird to me to refer to people who never have to come into physical contact w their clients as prostitutes or sex workers or whatever bc there are definitely people who have zero choice or who don’t know anything else or who fall into it as a result of escaping abusive situations at home (young ppl, teenagers, young teens, kids, too) and feel like theyre being repeatedly raped and abused and fear for their safety....i know a few people who have done it as “choice” (call girls...sort of, and obviously a couple of ppl arent representative sample) but if u looked realistically at their situation they do not have a choice bc they were poor women of color w low levels of education and unstable job history and one of who had kids to support and so on (which i do not believe is their “””fault””” but instead the fault of the evil capitalistic racist society we live in) so like doing this type of work was not their first choice. and i think it just frustrates me that i knew ppl at my fancy university who would like sell pictures of their feet and call it sex work and im like idk tho because theres no sex involved on your part and u never have to see these ppl so??? idk. i know theres tons of ppl on here who disagree w me but i just .. reading all these stories and accounts of women who consider themselves survivors of prostitution and just knowing how extremely badly it permanently ruined them, regardless of how long they were engaged in this work, it just feels minimizing of their struggle to take on this term “sex work” and say prostitution is liberating rather than victimizing, to disguise it as liberation. we live in a capitalistic racist patriarchal society that wants to stay that way, and talking abt prostitution as a liberating occupation rather than a last resort or even a forced job works towards maintaining that society moreso than destroying it. who are the ppl at the forefront of the legalizing? is it the ex-prostitutes, current prostitutes, porn actors? or is it porn makers, pimps, third party beneficiaries of sex work and prostitution?

i think there’s a lot of “groupthink” on here and among my peers and sometimes that means that certain aspects of “Our Core Beliefs” are not regularly critically analyzed. and like the only ppl i’ve ever ever heard use the term “sex work” are ppl who go to or are graduates from universities. i didn’t even know that was a term until i got to brandeis. so i think part of the problem might be looking at it from an academic theoretical standpoint which sanitizes it and strips it of its meaning on a case-by-case basis for the sake of generalization and this isn’t an issue for The Academics. it’s just not. it’s for the people engaged in this work. not the third-parties or pimps or whatever tf but the people who have to sell themselves.

and to me another like blatantly obvious piece of evidence against the liberation aspect is the amt of trans women who r in prostitution / sex work bc they can’t get hired at “regular jobs” so like i think it’s the financial independence that’s liberating but very few prostitutes are genuinely in control of their finances. read: 10%. maybe. bc 90% rely on pimps

also obviously not everyone feels this way and they may feel it is liberating which is good, glad they feel that way, but it’s important to keep in mind that we really don’t know what is representative because of how hard it is to even gather data on prostitution.

and also if it was so “liberating” then like why are so many self-proclaimed feminists not doing it? why is it so unpopular as a job / career choice? why are prostitutes who are killed or raped during their working hours termed “non-human” by police forces? (NHI crimes - no human involved or involvement idr). if it’s liberating then why is there a push for women to go into stem fields and not prostitution?

would you want your daughter or sister or son or brother or cousin or shit even your mom to have to sell their body to survive?

do you want to sell your body to make ends meet? how many people do you know who do?

if it is liberating then why is there such a high occurrence of PTSD in individuals who have been prostituted?

none of it makes sense.

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aitian · 4 years

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8/23/20 3:02am, sunday

think i have been going abt the way i talk & interact w ppl wrong. feels shitty that as an adult i am still so repressed. a lot has to be unspoken bc maybe i dont have words that other ppl want to hear. & otherwise i had always been scared to say what i mean. thinking today abt what it might be like to be honest w ghosts. maybe they would materialize but i wont try.

we would go to stone valley. him & i. somehow its hard to admit thats who has lived in my head for so long. i really don’t much remember what he looks like, only photos. or that feeling of being so enchanted. the heartbreak, numb, is still familiar. i think its on my mind bc i reread ganbare nakamura kun yesterday & the furious rewriting of truth inside the head (is it just me? they couldn’t.. wouldn’t... would they?) made me feel so sad. i was thinking when he feels rejected on the school trip, when hirose seems to enjoy the company of everyone else, nakamura goes to the aquarium alone anyway to see the cute octo. & he has this happy face. & he finds tako & its so cute & he becomes so frustrated, upset. of course things would end up this way. & thats where my story ended. but hirose appears, paid the entrance fee & tells nakamura he is funny & charming, & reveals an intimate moment of i would rather be with u.

the wind would blow across the water. my hair would be pulled up into a messy bun, or maybe i would just clip back the sides. i might pick him up, but i would have to practice the route. he would say, woah... you’ve changed. i might say... im not sure. is that okay? & there’s no way to say no. so we would end up by the reservoir, & i might ask why he agreed to meet me, or he might ask why i wanted to see him. i might tell him how i felt that year. how i was so upset to watch him graduate. i guess i think he would be uncomfortable around me. & i might tell him i dont have any expectations. i just wanted to see him again.

writing & rewriting endings (continuations) is a strange strategy i don’t know how to feel about. i thought deeply about it first reading eve ewing’s poetry guided by hui ying. i guess most happy stories feel like rewritings already. like there’s what an author who lives a lovelier life would expect to happen to them. but for me it wouldn’t happen that way. & that’s why i find it difficult to rewrite my own stories- because they wouldn’t happen that way. & i want them to be anything but real so bad. the real story is much more mundane & painful. so to rewrite my stories into mythology or whatever else carries a lot of weight. like, of course representations are easily imagined to be perfect, full of vigor & triumph & diversity & heroes & villains & lessons but it doesn’t make sense to me to deform my past into smth worth ingesting. its yucky to share the dirty & ugly feelings i have had as well as a sanitized retelling. maybe i just want to tell a story full of monsters.

ive started drawing a little but even that imagining of a representation is icky to me. i guess thats why i think i can only draw myself- bc im not a representation. that my image can literally be a version of me flattened onto a page. & thats different from designing characters to fit an ideal image for a story. i guess i am very unideal for my tragedy lmao. i will draw tmrw.

some updates abt the summer: - hate texting/msging ppl. did it rarely but somehow felt like a lot - sad that i don’t know what ppls lives are like who i care abt & that is a shameful contradition bc clearly i dont care if i dont know & dont want to ask but i dont want to ask bc that already embodies the contradiction of not knowing but wishing i knew - rly lonely sometimes. like now writing abt him & regretting how i have gotten to this point in my now 20′s without building the beginnings of any future that has love in it, friends, partners, comrades, children, guardians, mentors - looking forward to umibe no etranger movie i guess. tbh i rly dont like the manga characters but the art is cute i guess & voice acting from the trailer is pretty precious. been reading a lot of bl these few days & i think it is the most interesting part of my life. cis women can write these dramatic narratives abt what is feels like to be a queer boy in love. it is so easy & pleasurable to abuse imagined beings. i have to write vestigial bodies this year. - alice is home this weekend. we celebrated dads burthday today. i think 56. mom and dad both say they are not old, & alice was quick to agree. i think it is convenient for her to not have to see them every day & think abt their futures. alice made drinks & i made spocy ramen around midnight & i think this is the type of carefree activity i miss indulging in w friends, ppl who i want to eat well & be happy & see their beautiful faces & talk abt everything w. friends is such a bad, generic word. - school starts in two weeks i think - idk what else. had a period of rly enjoying the sunrise & running outside, but i am back in the slump. its so difficult to wake up when i dont know why i would want to do that shit. lol. its always not so difficult anymore once i am awake but i realized i am so upset when i am tired, & im just used to living with those feelings until i pass out. i dont need more than 8 hrs a day to feel happy but its difficult to stop the slump from making its nest - pastimes r watching one piece (im on episode 500+ & i cannot multitask when reading subs), reading bl, playing botw, playing w myself, & eating i guess. i also read sula in one day bc i wanted to prove to myself that i still knew how. obsessive. comforts & pleasures > coping. our brains r wired so weak by scarcity relations. & also idk... adhd & ocd tendencies + anxious obsessive & depressive obsessive.

goals for the end of this year i think: - 80 pgs of lianhuanhua type graphic novel - vestigial bodies essay on virtual pleasure & bodily rejection (pain, deterioration, abuse, freakishness) - maybe centered on some media? not sure yet.. thinking abt video games & comics as virtual life where representations replace bodily function, distance pleasurable simulated outcomes w the body that produces unpleasurable irl outcomes - visual novel in febuilder if i figure out what i want to do with gameplay. - learn blender. maybe construct one scene

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