#idk if that’s from a genuine lack of any set up (which is okay if so) or just because I wasn’t looking for it yknow?
Note
I apologise in advance for the length. I wanted your take on one specific part of 2x5 that bothered me a little and is partially why my little DM shipper hope wavered (that and being burned by ongoing shows in the past). Both you and @nalyra-dreaming have brilliantly pointed out how the episode does a great job at recreating the horror origin where Daniel is kept in the cellar and I wholeheartedly agree. However, what has bothered me about it is that, in the episode, it is not Armand that chooses to let Daniel live. Granted, in the book it's more a stay of execution than anything else, but it's still his choice alone. In 2x5 that choice is now Louis'. And while I know that in the novel Armand considers Daniel a gift from Louis, part of me is bothered by this slight lack of agency. It felt to me like just another thing Armand did to comply to Louis' wants in his desperation to not lose him. And that any Chase that happens is not necessarily out of genuine curiosity but because Louis called Armand boring and Armand just wants to know what set Daniel apart for Louis.
And then my brain goes "fruit of the poisonous tree" and am then afraid that Daniel's meaning wrt Armand (which, to my great frustration, I have already seen other book readers diminish) will literally be: oh he's just the scraps Armand gets because he couldn't have Louis or Lestat (because of the horrors, he did all of it, etc). I don't WANT it to be that and I guess I'm a little terrified about it.
Idk what to make of any of it and I'm nervous because I REALLY want to see this pairing develop as they deserve. So please, tell me what I'm missing in my rambling and borderline incoherent concern. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my sanity's only hope. ^_~
Hi!
Okay, well, I will try to be your Ben Kenobi here, but remember, even he failed to see what was going on with Annikin before it was too late . . .
Yeah, okay that isn't very confidence-giving, is it? 😬 🙃
Anyway! 🤭
Okay, so on the first point:
I have actually seen one or two people point out the fact that it was Louis who basically intervened and stopped Armand from killing Daniel, and Armand didn't do so himself. And I'm not going to say I can't see yours and some other's point about this. All I can say about that point for now is that we don't know what happens right now between Daniel and Armand after Daniel was let go and dropped off at the drug den. Because there might actually come a point when Armand thinks he very well could kill Daniel and Louis would have no idea, as Louis only requests that Daniel live out "this night." There was no request from Louis to Armand for Daniel to live out his whole life.
So we might actually get a moment, in the future, where we see a time when Armand decides to just kill Daniel -- but, just like with Louis in the tunnel back in the 40s -- stays his own hand via his own decision to do so.
So, I think on this point right now, the only thing any of us can do is take a "wait and see" about it. But there are still doors open to Armand deciding on his own to spare Daniel's life in a significant way I think. With him not even being in love with Daniel yet at the time too IMO.
So, on to the second point:
No, I very much do not think Daniel is going to be seen as "scraps" that Armand gets because he couldn't have Louis or Lestat. And I think what is going to come into play to make that clear is the slight change the show has done wrt Armand's character and the Great Laws. After the Children of Darkness/Satan coven busted up, Armand in the book really didn't hold those rules in any high regard anymore. But the show has very clearly changed that, to where Armand was ready to kill Louis because Louis broke many of the Great Laws.
Assad himself made this clear that Armand really was going to kill Louis and only didn't do it because he chose love instead.
And if you take a look at the full list of the Great Laws that someone was amazingly able to translate, as well as this gifset of a specific scene from 2x03, a vampire being with a human in such a way is a direct violation of those laws that Armand in the show clearly holds to.
So for Armand to break that rule and choose to be with Daniel? Will not be a small thing.
So I think that alone will show that Daniel is not just a scrap. Armand's love for Daniel will be so much that he will, once again, ignore a rule he once held fast to in order to, once again, choose love.
And then, of course, there is the fact that Armand chose to actually break his biggest rule of all for Daniel, which is to never turn someone into another vampire -- which is also one of the laws the cult drilled into him. Yes, Armand's main reason for not doing so in the books was because he didn't want to damn someone into vampirism, as well as not believing that the Maker/Fledgling relationship can ever really work. But the other reason that I feel the show will also touch upon will very much also be because of the Great Law that older vampires should never work the Dark Trick upon someone, less that fledgling be too powerful in the blood.
But Armand's love for Daniel will be so great that he will not bear the thought of Daniel actually dying. And so, when the moment comes, he will not only break that Great Law, but his own personal reason why he doesn't want to turn someone. And he would rather face having to truly put his fear and belief about Markers and Feldglings to the side (and maybe still lose Daniel that way -- which in the books, he actually did for a time!) than lose Daniel forever via death.
Again, that has never seemed to me as Daniel just being a "scrap" to Armand, even when it comes to the books. But I expect the show will put an even greater emphasis on this, both when it comes to Armand's backstory and how now Armand in the show actually holds to those laws in a serious way.
So yeah, just some of my thoughts on those two points. I hope they can calm you somewhat but, if not, just know that, because of the format this story is now being told in, that will very much lend to things -- the characters and their relationships with each other -- to be even more fleshed out, along with character arcs to be planned out overall as well. (Which yes, not every TV show does, but this one is clearly doing so.) We won't get every answer to these things right away, but I think there are many doors open to exploring these things in a satisfying way over the course of the show. 🙂
#Daniel Molloy#Armand#The Vampire Armand#Devil's Minion#The Devil's Minion#Interview with the Vampire#amc iwtv#iwtv#ask#ask and answer#iwtv Speculation
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Things I hope to see in the Legend of Hei prequel sequel:
- Wuxian slowly learning to cook
- Wuxian trying and failing miserably at teaching xiaohei to read
#feel free to add these are my two big ones#and they’re definitely inspired over the little artworks that have been released#such as the one of wuxian drawing a character into the ground and xiaohei just drawing a picture of them🥺#I might add once I do a full rewatch hehehehe#I feel like I can’t think of any hints from the movie or show as to what the conflict for this next movie could be#idk if that’s from a genuine lack of any set up (which is okay if so) or just because I wasn’t looking for it yknow?#potentially there is just no set up or hints or if there is it’s not obvious but👀 I’ll still look#hmmmmmmm god I have so many thoughts but idk how to articulate ANY of them#legend of hei#loh#by yours truly the omelette of cheese
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something more than friends
(lucy gray baird x reader)
tip me on kofi if you feel so inclined
requested: yep, I hope you like it anon♡
content: a little bit of angst but mainly fluff, men (derogatory), kinda lovesick!lucy gray, jealous lucy gray (we love to see it), pretty intense description of kissing but no smut.
warnings: a very brief mention of drinking, internalised homophobia but it doesn't last long, gay stuff (duh), lowercase intended I know boo I'm annoying.
a/n: I haven't read the book yet so idk much about the covey so their appearance may ooc but that's solely due to my lack of knowledge on them
lucy gray baird never faltered when she sang.
there were very few things that could get under her skin when she was on that stage, strumming her guitar and twirling in her skirt as the district folk stomped along to the beat.
sure, sometimes drunkards and the occasional hung up ex would try to cause a scene, attempting to gain her attention from below, but she would simply roll her eyes, waiting for someone to take care of them so that she could go back to doing what she did best. performing.
so what exactly had happened to make the lucy gray baird, forget a line in a song?
she was quick to remedy her mistake, carrying the tune in such a way that most patrons didn't even notice her mess up. but ironically enough, the very cause of her brain fog noticed. you.
you gave her a worried look, but she brushed it off, willing herself to continue playing as if nothing was wrong. and technically, nothing was wrong. you were there, in the far back of the crowd, wearing a white dress with a drink in your hand. and Lucy Gray didn't mean to be cliché, but you really did look like an angel, something divine that she had the honour of setting her eyes on.
but obviously, she wasn't the only one who thought that.
you were speaking to some man. which was fine, you were always the most gorgeous girl in the room in her eyes and she knew that she wasn't the only one who appreciated your beauty, you were always needing to awkwardly laugh at men's advances and brush them off as best as you could, but you weren't doing that tonight.
you were laughing, a genuine laugh, leaning in to hear his voice over the music, over her singing. she wanted to jump off of the stage and break her guitar over that assholes face, and she couldn't explain why.
she had always known that one day, you'd settle down with a kind man who cared for you (not nearly as much as she did, but that was okay) and then she would see you less and less. but knowing didn't make the taste in her mouth any more bitter.
the first time you told her about a crush that you had, on a boy named Tom, she spent the whole night convincing you that he just wasn't right for you. you believed her of course, rejecting him swiftly the next week when he asked you to go on a walk with him, walking instead with lucy gray, hand in hand.
but then, she did it every time you spoke about a boy, and you started to believe her less and less. 'I think you're just jealous lucy gray, and you don't anybody taking my attention away from you.'
you were right, she was jealous, and the thought of you, with a man, it disgusted her to her core. which is why she took off as soon as her set ended, not even staying for the applause as she searched for you outside.
there you were, and thankfully, you were alone, no undeserving man in sight.
she ran up to you, her brown eyes seemingly sparkling even in the darkened night. "how'd you enjoy the show, darlin'?"
her heart jumped when you smiled at her, your eyes crinkling in joy as you took both of her hand in yours, squeezing them affectionately. "you have the voice of an angel, lucy gray. and I envy the lucky fella who's gonna marry you, and have to serenade them whenever they want."
lucy gray rolled her eyes in a good natured fashion, trying to ignore the knot in her stomach when you mentioned her getting married. "I already serenade you, sweet thing. and im not gonna let some wedding band stop me."
you laughed airily, leading her by the hand towards the lake, where you spent most nights together. you sat down at the edge, laying your head in her lap when she sat beside you. her hand went to your hair, and she fought the urge to by giddy at the sight of your head in her lap, you were just... perfect.
"who was that guy that you were talking to back then? when I was singing, I mean." she asked, her voice uncharacteristically quiet.
you thought back to about an hour prior, picturing every person that you had been with throughout the evening as you tried to recall who she was asking about in particular. "oh! that was matthew, his dad and my dad go way back, but the two of us never really shared their closeness for whatever reason. but after speaking to him tonight I'm a bit upset that I never tried to grow a friendship with him earlier."
she nodded, her cherry glossed lips pressing into a thin line. "he doesn't just wanna be friends with you though, I could see it." you scoffed playfully, raising a brow at her curiously. "you were all the way up on stage, in the middle of your favourite song to perform, and somehow, you could tell that much from so far away?"
she opened her mouth to defend herself, but after realising just how insane the notion sounded when you phrased it in that way, she quickly closed it again. "I'm not gonna let any man take me away from you, lucy gray, believe me when I say that I can't live without you."
your words sent a fury of butterflies in her stomach, and she swore that felt dizzy as you picked your head up, moving your face so close to hers that your noses were almost touching. she wanted to kiss you. god, what the hell was wrong with her? how could she be thinking of you in this way?
despite her inner conflict, she made no moves to create some distance between your faces, selfishly wanting to stay like this for as long as you'd let her. "I wish we could get married." she sighed, her eyes widening at her own words. "I meant- not like, I didn't mean- not in, like, a husband and wife typa way-"
you cut her off with trying to, with a tilt of your head making her suck in a sharp breath. "you don't wanna do husband and wife things with me?" you asked, and she could swear that your voice had a certain tone about it, one that made her cheeks feel blazing and her breaths shallow.
she shook her head, her usually fierce tone reduced to a meek almost whisper. "we can't do those stuff together."
you were too close for comfort. she could feel the tip of your nose against hers and if you leaned in any further, she was sure that she would combust. "who cares if we can't? the more important question is, do you want to?"
inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. she had forgotten how to breath. this wasn't right, she knew that, so why were her lips on yours in a flash, her hands in your hair, around your waist, holding your hands, touching any part of you that she could reach as the two of you kissed? in public, no less?
she couldn't find it in her mind to stop, not when your soft, sweet lips moved in tandem with hers as if you were molded to fit each other. when you pulled away, with lucy gray chasing your lips with an involuntary whine, you held her by the shoulders, a look of concern on your face.
that was when she felt it. the guilt knawing at her stomach, and the tears thar flowed down her face. was she crying because of how overwhelming her feelings were for you? maybe it was because she knew that you would have to hide... whatever had just happened between the two of you.
you leaned your forehead against hers, you sweet voice easing her fear. "I love you." she nodded, not being able to say it back just yet, but she could only hope that you knew. she moved to kiss you again, being startled out of her mind by a girlish scream in the distance.
it was maude ivory, eyes wide and hand slapped over her mouth in shock, with an equally suprised tam amber standing next to her. lucy gray felt sick to her stomach.
"I knew it." tam Amber said with a shrug, moving to sit next to the two fo you as she stared out at the moonlit lake. "no one looks at their friend like how lucy gray looks at you."
"can I be the flower girl? and the maid of honour? and the priest?" maude ivory rambled, laying half in lucy grays lap and half in yours. you simply laughed, explaining that her dream wasn't exactly possible but flower girl was certainly doable as lucy gray watched, tears threatening to fall from her eyes once again. only this time, they were of relief.
the joy she felt in her chest, at the thought that you could be... together in front of the covey was the best gift she could possibly be given. you and her, together. not just as best friends. although it was hard to wrap her head around it, she knew that it was exactly what she wanted and she had it on good authority that you wanted it too.
#tbosas#the hunger games#lucy gray fluff#lucy gray x reader#lucy gray baird#lucy gray my beloved#lucy gray angst#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#the hunger games headcanon#tbosas x reader#tbosas x you#wlw#lucy gray baird x reader#lucy gray baird x you#coriolanus x reader
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okay so i binged the entire show and now i have thoughts.
positives
- the set is absolutely stunning i was breath taken every time it’s as if they just pulled it straight out of the cartoon. incredible
- the castings were so good! they really are what i would have envisioned
- APPA AND MOMO ARE AMAZING!!!!!!!
- i think merging the earth kingdom episodes was a smart PRODUCTION decision. it was confusing as an og watcher however it makes sense for the live version cause they can’t just keep coming back to the earth kingdom (they mixed eps 5, 10, 17) and also i believe they linked it well so i’m alright with it genuinely.
- zuko’s actor perfectly nailed the acting. whenever it was a flashback scene it felt like zuko was 3 years younger despite looking the same, because zuko was more innocent sounding. and then the acting for current zuko was major sass (which was the best part)
- SUKI ATE DOWN SO HARD
- avatar kyoshi was 7 FOOT TALL. all i have to say
- sokkas actor ate down i fear 🫶
negatives (or just minor critics)
- azula, ty lee and mai were not supposed to be in book/season 1 and it didn’t really make sense for them. i love all 3 their my girls however it felt like a fan service and they didn’t really provide any plot development. ESPECIALLY MAI AND TY LEE i swear the girls just stood and watched azula fight and that’s all. i think what could/should have been done is feature azula at the end scene like they did and make it a whole big reveal and if they really wanted to provide fan service chuck mai and ty lee next to her. i understand the girls are fan favourites but if they wanted to make hype for the second season it would have been better to just show them at the very end to get fans excited. instead i found myself annoyed when they popped up because they weren’t needed.
- it would have been fine to have the girls for flashback scenes. also! in book 2 we start off with azula having to find mai and ty lee. they aren’t meant to just be together already. what happened to circus ty lee? that’s like a really important detail idk.
- i felt the humour was lacking. NOT BECAUSE OF THE ACTORS. it was not their fault and i loved sokkas deliveries when he had the chance to. the blame is on the writers but the issue was is the series was more dark (which is fine) but it erased the humour from the show so toward the end i found myself getting a bit bored. i think what caused this is the removal of the “filler” episodes.
- secret tunnel? that is meant to be in season 2 and i felt a bit robbed because wdym that’s all we got?
- i also feel that the found family trope wasn’t executed as well as it could have been probably also because it lacked filler episodes. we didn’t get to see them hang out and actually get to know each other so we haven’t seen them build that connection yet. obviously we assume with context they have but idk it makes it lack.
- yue my girl 😭 first of all the wig which i’m not gonna talk about. i cant exactly place what was wrong but yue’s storyline made me cry my eyes out for days and i LOVE HER. for whatever reason i did not feel this way. i want to say it might be because suki & sokka kissed like in ep2 which felt like 5 days ago idk. -> also i jumped up and down when that happened. but it just felt like not as dramatic as it was which was so upsetting cause i was getting ready to bawl.
- katara was more chill. i love her actress btw i blame the directors for this. i just feel like they swapped sokka & kataras roles sort of, sokka was shown as the more mature one and trying to be like his dad whereas katara was viewed as the “little girl” their whole dynamic was that katara was way more mature to the point sokka ONLY PICTURED KATATA when he thought of his OWN MUM? i also feel like katata didnt blow up and get angry as much as she should of idk?
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Bitch, You Need Therapy
Pairing: Johnny Knoxville x Reader (afab)
Others: Chris Pontius, Steve-O
Word count: approx. 4.5k
Synopsis: You’re part of the crew, temporarily filling in and enjoying it immensely. You are filming something overseas. Knoxville finds out you have a crush on him and decides to fuck with your stressed little self until he gets carried away in the moment.
WARNINGS/tags: NC-17, minors DNI, adult language, alcohol (technical lack of consent), soft allusions to hard drugs, oral sex, genital penetration, THE DOUBLE MEANING OF LIPS, kinks galore (praise, rough, petnames, things I don’t have a word for)
Notes from the author: Yeah idk he just seems like a playful bastard that might be hiding a kinky streak. Not tied to any specific period of Jackass filming so reader can take some creative liberties (the least I can do when I am dictating reader’s entire personality lmao). Knoxville is single in this world; it’s all fun & fantasy. This work has not been officially reviewed apart from one of my best friends giving enthusiastic approval early on. But I’ve read over it a hundred times while writing it SO DAMN SLOWLY, so hopefully it is okay. There are purposeful tense changes and I hope they hit the way I'm intending. Is the whole thing cringe? Maybe; maybe not. Pls let loose & enjoy! I am a long time reader and I’ve had ideas here and there; finally decided it was time to fuck around and find out myself. It’s been way harder than I thought and I have even more respect for my fave fic authors out there. If you know me irl, no you don’t. WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU~~
Night has been falling earlier and earlier as weeks peel away from Autumn toward the year’s end. It is 7 o’clock in the evening but feels more like 11. Outside the darkness is interrupted by numerous streetlamps along the sidewalk. The lights glow a golden orange, reminding you of the crackling fire in the pub, and you dig your hands into your coat pockets seeking warmth.
“HEY ASSHOLE, why did we leave that cozy fucking place?!” you shout over the wind at one of your walking companions with some frustration. Only some. You’ve had a couple drinks and your speech seems to come out in demanding exclamations regardless of any real anger at that point. And you’re fairly certain any frustration stems from unmet desires directed toward this man and his stupid glinty purple-tinted sunglasses. Sunglasses, which he wore inside the intimately lit pub and which he is still wearing outside at night. What a jackass.
A different, unsunglasses’d man answered. “Because adventure calls! Sure, it’s cold out. But not cold enough to get frostbite. The call to adventure must be heeded even in the face of Ice Queen Mother Nature. Like the Russian Police, she’s stern. Stern…but fair,” he announced with omnipotence. Everyone in the group seemed dead set on committing crimes this evening. This one was guilty of venturing out in 20-some degree weather without a coat or sweater or torso cover of any kind. Just a fluffy scarf and a Santa hat. Another jackass, you thought. But that’s why you jumped at the chance to work with these people. It was an invigorating break from the mundane. And the group oozed fun; to be in the same room as any of them was to know friendship and laughter.
You smiled genuinely at him. Despite the cold and questionable decisions, he still inspired affection. “Thanks, as always, Pontius, for the exceptional pep talk but I think I was asking—”
“DUDE WHERE IS MY SKATEBOARD?!?!!” screeched a third man’s voice. He’d definitely had the most to drink out of the group so far this evening and crime was written all over him. Good ol’ Steve-O. Nothing more to be said about him.
Sunglasses finally spoke up. “I decided against anything with wheels for this and threw it in the back of the van, Steve-O. We can come back in the daytime tomorrow for skate shots. There are a lot less lights the farther in the park we go.”
“Knox, you IDIOT, I’m planning on being so fucking hungover tomorrow! I’m on my GAME now, man, you shoulda brought it!” He bent down to gather up two fists of snow, mash them together, and hurl the mass toward Johnny.
“If you want it so bad, go back an’ get it!” He grinned while dodging the poorly aimed snowball and jumped over to rap Steve-O on the ass with the back of his hand. This garnered a slow, deep, huffy giggling from Pontius. It was less of a giggle, more of a devious huh-huh-huh. It sounded like something you’d hear in the boys’ locker room but if it came from the throat of a grown man.
The little spanking sparked a quick scuffle between Steve-O and Johnny. After nearly slipping and falling, he gave up on trying to fuck with the taller man and hardened his resolve to skate in the snow. “UGH! I’ll be back…” After a beat of wily consideration he added, “Or not!” Steve-O then darted off in the direction of the pub, almost slipped again, and slowed his stumbling gait. If he was headed toward booze he was probably going to get another round. A round of…something.
Chris and Johnny shared a look and the Santa-hatted one asked, “Who’s going with him? It’s law that we use the buddy system in all foreign lands, especially when we don’t want to get arrested. More arrested than we get when the cameras are rolling. Those times are okay.”
Johnny spoke first. “I’ll stay to map out where Jeff thinks we can get the money shots. Y/N probably needs to mess with the camera settings.”
“Actually, yeah,” you uttered, reviving from a slight stupor of quiet observation and remembering your role in all of this. “This would be our first night footage of the trip and I haven’t experimented with the exposure or what type of flash I can—”
“Okay nerd on, genius, I’ll go,” Chris interrupted. He smiled and bowed himself out in the direction of Steve-O and the pub.
“Better hurry, Pontius! Something tells me the board ain’t the priority now,” Johnny called out. You watched as the smoke from his breath dissipated into the cold and the two of you continued away from what seemed like the rest of civilization.
********
The other men gone from sight, your physical awareness of Johnny dialed up. Though he was lean, he seemed to exude heat through his black peacoat. Maybe you were imagining things. But you dared to draw a couple inches closer to assess. He slowed his gait and you veered right back over and even sped up a little. You thought you heard a quiet laugh come from his side of the path.
‘Dammit, Y/N, fucking stay focused,’ you thought to yourself. You can’t give them anything to get you on; it was more important to you than any legal trouble. You were here to relieve Lance after one too many trips involving vomit-on-the-camera incidents. You had a job to do, you had creative input to offer, and you didn’t have to let on that you found one of the guys so hot you couldn’t stand it. That fact could be kept firmly TO YOURSELF. The need to keep it a secret almost hyped it up to an obsession. You found yourself stealing photos during planning sessions, when you were 95% certain that no one would notice. Since you were such a dedicated crew member, the team assumed you were experimenting with angles or compiling a look-book or something.
Sure, you took candids of everyone. But the most recurring subject by far was Johnny Knoxville. There were the obvious features that caught your eye, mostly when he laughed, all white teeth and crow’s feet. After a while you noticed how he stood kind of funny, whether that was from past back injuries, weak glutes, or a touch of valgus knee deformity you weren’t sure. It didn’t at all detract from the beauty of those long legs or the defined torso they led up to. Certainly didn’t ruin his painfully (for you) deep iliac furrows smack dab in the middle of it all. And you weren’t going to get started on his arms or shoulders or jawline. He really took your love for anatomy and smacked you upside the head with it. He was art and you were insane.
Your stupid little fangirl crush even had you calling him ‘Johnny Knoxville’ in your head instead of PJ. It was like how you still called your teachers ‘Mr/Ms/Mx’ after graduating from school, even though they gave you permission to be on a first-name basis. It was hard to get comfortable with others like that. Another reason why you wanted this chance at a different work environment even if it was just temporary. You sorely needed to relax, Y/N. Unclench your jaw, take a breath, stop the shoulders from migrating upwards, and just keep walking. Sometimes the set of Jackass was not the ideal setting to work on those goals—all of those damn pranks—but…
“Lost in thought, puddin’?” you heard in your ear. You didn’t so much hear them as felt the words slap your skin from behind, the shock of wet heat in the cold air startling you. The streetlamps brightened in your peripheral vision.
You spun around and couldn’t help the nervous fake-laugh that escaped. “Oh, uh, yeah, you could say that. Just handling a lot of little things right now. Like the jet-lag, that European alcohol hitting a little stronger, the cold being colder here somehow, filming schedule, the list goes on, man." You hoped adding 'man’ would lend the illusion of you being chill, cool, totally not in fight-or-flight mode a moment ago.
It didn’t. There was an awkward silence as he stood facing you. Behind the shades you couldn’t see the mischief in his eyes as he planned out where he was going to take this. To you it just looked like staring. ‘Fucking dammit,’ you swore at yourself, ‘I don’t know if he KNOWS knows but he knows something is up. Agh, focus on work, FOCUS ON WORK.’
You cleared your throat, pulled namaste out of your ass, and shifted the power of the interaction back on your side with, “Hey, why don’t you stand over by that statue and help me with shot composition.”
“Yes, boss, on the double!” His tone was playfully condescending as he headed over to the metal figure, an unknown man outlined in snow. “Anything for you, sweetheart.” He let the last word drag out lower and slower than the rest. You had to fight your dead brain to let you breathe again. He was going to fuck with you, alright, and it was going to happen tonight. But for his own fun, no cameras in sight other than yours. There was always a chance of one of those goofy assholes hiding in a bush, but your gut told you there were none. No one else was going to be around for this, but you weren’t sure how thankful you were. You were flooded with several thoughts at once. How far would he go? How far did you want him to go? Did Jackass have HR? What was their policy on a creator/actor doing unspeakable things to a camera person with his mouth? Could the van be moved for about 90 minutes tonight without anyone knowing? Was he all dom or a switch? How easy would it be to get him to giggle during a blowjob?
Fuck. Focus.
‘FUCK,’ you thought as, for some ungodly reason, Knox put his tongue to the statue’s ear. The side of your neck began to tingle where his breath had been several minutes ago; memory is a powerful thing. You shook your head to regroup.
“Better pray you don’t end up like that kid in A Christmas Story,” you deadpanned.
He looked away and called out toward the woods at the edge of the park, “Nah, I’m too wet for that. That…that’s the secret.” You saw his back shuddering slightly, probably with laughter, and tried to see deeper into the trees. Not a soul was detected.
“You’ll be wetter when that statue comes to life and throws you in the river.”
He turned back toward you. “Naw, I think he likes it,” he grinned as wedged his body even closer to the metal and began to run a hand slowly down its torso. For the first time he made eye contact with you over his glasses and you dared not break it while his hand migrated further and further south. “And I think he’s not the only one, darlin’,” he drawled, his tone growing deeper and darker by the second. Two fingers began to lazily graze between the statue’s legs. And, as if that wasn’t enough, his hips ground into what had to be extremely cold and extremely hard metal. He let out a low sigh into the winter air.
This probably lasted just a moment but it felt like an eternity as you stood watching him, unable to do anything else, not quite believing what you were seeing. Your eyes were glued to where you thought his dick was, where you thought you saw an outline begin to show. He kept at it, grinding and sighing and caressing against that fucking statue, only averting his gaze to let his eyes roll back into his head and flutter shut. Which he made sure you could see with the shades slid all the way down the bridge of his nose. The whole thing was insane but you could not stop the cascade of heat and desire from building inside you. It’s like the more it shouldn’t be happening, the more you were into it. You wanted to look around and check for the crew for the umpteenth time but couldn’t tear your eyes from him. Johnny Knoxville was getting freaky on a statue to tease you and you were simmering in your own juices.
Like.
What the actual fuck?
Okay, case closed, he definitely knew.
Uhh… Just try to own it now?
“You know what, you whore?! It’s gonna be really fucking awkward when my underwear freezes out here!”
He finally broke, fell away from the statue, and dissolved into laughter on the ground. You hoped your boldness would recuperate a bit of your cred and he’d back off. (You hoped he wouldn’t back off.)
“The working conditions, here, honestly…” you said as your hands came to your hips.
His maniacal glee, normally adorable when it wasn’t tied up in such a stressful and sexy situation, died out and he regained upright footing. He didn’t bother to brush the snow off his coat or shake out what had peppered his hair. He took off his sunglasses and folded them into the inner pocket of his coat. He smiled down at you and you felt him gently grab your shoulders. “You’re so wound up, Y/N,” he remarked with genuine care in his voice.
The touch and proximity made you stiffen; your arms dropped to your sides. His breath smelled like booze and you wanted to drown in it.
His fingers laced together behind your shoulders and slid down to rest at the small of your back; you instinctively grabbed at his forearms. “Gotta learn how to relax, baby.” He jerked your lower half into him and you could feel that you had not, in fact, been imagining that dick. With that, you felt the last of your good sense rocket away, leaving a long-imprisoned whine in its wake.
He dipped his head down to your ear and growled, “How loud does that kitty purr?”
No words.
No thoughts.
Your head threatened to crack off of your spine but he caught the back of it with one hand, the other snaked firmly around the rest of you, as his lips made contact with your neck. Soft kisses were syncopated with nibbles, the heat of his mouth searing your skin in contrast to the chilly air. His tongue was so wet and so warm against your flesh. You all but dripped for him.
“Van,” you demand.
He takes your hand, grins, and leads you out of the park toward the town.
The two of you make it to the van and he takes space in the driver’s seat. The engine comes to life relatively quietly—thank god for hybrids—and he maneuvers it onto a darkened side street several blocks down. You seem to be surrounded by a bunch of businesses closed down for the night but you also don’t have a single fuck to give now. You slide a hand over the rod in his pants and his lips part with a groan.
Hunger takes hold and you lunge over the console to catch his mouth in a voracious kiss. Tongue and teeth everywhere. Even the smallest hints of pleasure out of this man are going to drive you wild tonight. But you want—you NEED—to savor the experience. The movements of your jaw slow and the space between your lips closes as you center yourself. His lips come together but his breath continues hard and deep through his nose. His eyes are shut tight as if he's exercising control as well. You pepper kisses across his cheek, down his neck, and back up to his ear where you sigh your contentment.
“Mmm, sweetheart, I’m gonna need to hear more of that,” he says low in your ear. Your belly flutters up into your chest and you think you might fall in love, like an idiot.
He kisses you deeply and pulls you with him into the back of the van. The heat of the exchange melts off both your coats. A sleeping bag is found, unzipped, and laid down. Not that the two of you notice the cold all that much, it just seems like the right thing to do in a van that carts around the Jackass crew. He is a bit more discerning than some of his co-stars.
He unzips your pants and slides them down your legs. You sit up to help kick them off along with your shoes. He takes off your shirt, leaving you just in your bra, socks, and panties. You love how exposed you must look and how vulnerable you feel. He looks you in the eye, smirks, looks down at your hips, licks his lips. Your thighs squeeze together with anticipation and your moan spells out your need.
He lowers himself down, still clothed, onto your nearly naked body and lays his lips all over your skin. He slides across you lazily and you can’t stand how good his clothes feel against you. You can’t wait for that dick to be out and in your mouth. It’s how you want to show him how good he’s making you feel. The way he takes the fabric of your panties in his fingertips tells you he has his own priorities.
“May I?”
“May you what?”
He smiles and toys with the bows stitched to the elastic around your hips. He takes the band in his teeth and looks you in the eye as he lets it snap against you.
“Eat out that pretty pussy of yours, doll. It’s all wrapped up for me like a present under the tree.”
You’re not able to make a joke about stealing Chris’s Santa hat. You can only reach down and start to wiggle the remaining cotton off, with which Knox happily helps. The bra and socks follow suit and a cheeky kiss to your foot garners a giggle.
Things get very serious again when he positions his face in front of your heat. He hugs your hips to him and rests his large hands down on you. You can’t help but buck up into the contact when his lips meet yours. His soft, wet tongue feels so fucking good. Your hands find his hair and you rake your nails through it. Every time you look down he’s either got his eyes closed, lids fluttering in the prettiest way, or he’s looking right back at you. Each moan from your mouth elicits self-assured hums from his and it drives you to desperately need more.
“Need you in me, Knox,” you demand.
He looks up at you again with those deep brown eyes and doesn’t say a word.
“Want you in my mouth first. I want to taste that dick.”
He pulls himself up and you all but tear the black and white KNOXVILLE belt through the loops of his Dickies. He frees his hard cock and you pause to take it in with your eyes first.
“It may not be the biggest but right now you got me harder than—aaughh..” The whole rest of him stiffens up and he bites into his knuckles as you take in the tip. He relaxes with a deep sigh as you try to swallow the shaft down and gag when your lips meet his hilt.
‘That’ll do just fine,’ you think to yourself.
You keep it slow to draw it out, slow but deliberate with licking and sucking. You work his cock with your mouth until you lose yourself in the act. You love every single sound this man is making and commit them to memory. And his taste, how the pre-cum doesn’t stop oozing. The way his head is thrown back with his mouth wide open, gasping. How he can’t touch you enough right now. Every few moments you turn your attention to his balls and thighs and that delicious V leading down to it all. The feel and scent of his skin is intoxicating and you’re biting light marks into his flesh. You get so far gone you stop murmuring his name and start to call him Daddy. His cock twitches every time.
He takes a deep, clarifying breath before taking your chin in his hand and speaking, “I’m so ready to slide right in, baby. Will you let Daddy fill you up?”
“Fuck me.”
The van space is tight but you lie down and he holds himself over you, cock at your entrance. You’re practically vibrating with anticipation.
Finally.
He drives the head of his cock slowly into your pussy and the feeling is so warm and sweet and intimate. Birth control be damned; you’ll get emergency contraception in the morning. Your arms and legs wrap around him possessively as he works into a rhythm. You rock your hips with his to catch his cock at the right angle. He finds your mouth in the dark and moans into you as he thrusts. He’s downright fucking you into the floor of the van and strangely you haven’t felt this whole and alive in a long time. Your orgasm is building and building but you want even more of him before you come.
“I wanna ride you, Johnny,” you gasp.
“Thought you’d never ask. Be my guest, doll,” he answers as he pulls out of you and arranges the sleeping bag across the van’s bench. He takes a seat and slaps his thighs with a grin, erection bobbing around invitingly.
You climb on top of him, legs quivering with eagerness, and take just a moment to pause before sinking slowly down onto his cock.
His answering groan draws you against his chest, sighing into him, as you get to work riding. It’s your turn to fuck him into the van.
You both wrap your arms around each other, but no one can get close enough. Thrusting, humping, clawing, kissing, biting, sucking, moaning—the two of you going at each other like animals. (His glutes are NOT, in fact, weak.) Your legs are tiring but you push yourself to keep going. Closer and closer your end nears. He knows it because his teeth are clenching as your pussy is tightening around him. He’s fighting to not cum before you.
“Don’t stop, baby, don’t stop. Keep on riding me. Keep grinding that sweet little thing on my cock.”
You pick up speed.
“Come for me, sweetheart.”
He squeezes your ass tighter.
“Good girl, I can feel it. Come for Daddy…”
That’s it. Your cunt squeezes up inside of you and smashes down around his dick in a primal, undulating frenzy. There’s an explosion of stars behind your eyelids. He’s yelling out your name and digging his fingers deeper into your hips as his orgasm spills hot inside you.
********
After unmeasured moments, breaths began to slow and a contented stillness fell over the van like snow upon the ground. The two of you wrapped each other up in an embrace and held on tight without a word. It wasn’t much longer until your brain woke back up and began to wander. You knew you were going to think back on this night many, many times when you were back home alone. You’d feel the ghost of his breath and his lips on your skin. You’d ache to hear him moan your name again. AND, FUCK, THE PLAN B--
Gentle laughter broke out, as if he could read your mind. He couldn’t, of course. But it was so very easy to tell when you were uneasy. And Knox was an excellent people reader.
“Just don’t think about anything right now, sweetheart,” he assured you.
“Johnny, I…” You began and trailed off, unsure of what to voice first.
“Call me PJ,” he smiled and placed a kiss on your head. “And don’t you worry about a thing. I’ll stop by a pharmacy soon as they open. The guys are gonna need some Tylenol, too, I bet. I’ll get us all sorted.” And he sealed his promise shut with a squeeze of your shoulders. Not a mind reader, but definitely thoughtful and at times very practical. Always aware of what’s going on around him.
You trusted him. Probably more than you should, but you did. And you gave whatever energy you had left over to the effort of not thinking. You had no idea how long it had been since you checked the time, when the sun was coming up, or what the two of you would do next. What this would mean for the rest of the shoot. But, if you’re gonna be dumb….
----------------------------------------------------------------
Several hours post-coupling in the van, after the sun came out for vengeance, you found yourself hanging with Pontius at a near-by café. You felt calmest around him out of all the crew and were happy to listen to his stories for distraction. Distraction from your anxiety and the various aches in your body. What you had really wanted was a diner that served greasy food and heinously strong coffee, but they didn’t have those here. Chris must share the need. He was still sporting the Santa hat and some serious bags under his eyes. There was what appeared to be lipstick smeared down his neck, but it was…stippled? From…the only idea that came to mind was another man’s stubble. But he never asked about the way you weren’t walking right, so you paid the favor forward.
His words drifted away from big cats and other wildlife, and he shifted conversation topics. “Crazy night last night, huh,” he said.
“Lord. You bet,” you answered. Oh, here we go.
“What time did you turn in last night? Or this morning?” He batted his lashes and played with the cotton puff at the end of his hat before flipping it to the other side. It invoked the atmosphere of girlies at a sleepover sharing the latest gossip.
“Oh, you know…” Your face reddened a little and you looked down into your steaming coffee mug.
He brought his up to his mouth for a sip and stared you down over it. “Do you happen to know where—"
Your phone buzzed in your back pocket and you pulled it out automatically.
“Hey, doll, where did you run off to?” Your heartbeat quickened and you smirked despite yourself. You didn’t need to look up at the sender to know who it was from.
“Know where what,” you offered with no doubt a dazed look in your eyes.
You were definitely going to need a therapist after this job was through.
#johnny knoxville x reader#afab reader#jackass fanfic#jackass smut#johnny knoxville fanfic#dude tumblr WILL NOT let me use the formatting that i want wtf
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idk what this is but black brothers shit makes me sad, enjoy:
“Regulus,” Barty began, only slightly tipsy. Sirius had told them they could each have one drink, and no more. And if they had more, he would find out. Regulus knew he would keep that promise, so one drink it was.
Well, for Regulus. Barty considered the one drink policy a personal challenge to do the opposite, but even Sirius had known that would be the case when he set it in the first place.
“Barty,” Regulus nodded once, surveying the party from his usual corner on the window seat. It was loud and overcrowded and he hardly recognised most of the students.
“We have to kiss,” Barty said, as though it was a normal way to lead the conversation. Let it be known that even for Barty, this was not a normal conversation starter.
Regulus blinked. Staring at him, attempting to deduce sarcasm or a joke or something that would indicate a lack of seriousness. There wasn’t any. He was serious.
“You’re serious?” Regulus said, asked.
A wobbly grin made its way onto Barty’s face. “No, that’s your brother.”
Regulus rolled his eyes. “If you want me to kiss you, this is not a good start.”
“Okay, okay, fine,” Barty waved his hands and leapt onto the couch beside Regulus. Right across from him, staring intently. “Just listen.”
“That’s what I’ve been doing.”
“And keep doing it, Baby Black.”
“The nickname doesn't help your case either.”
“Shhhh,” Barty forced a finger onto Regulus’ lips, smushing them.
Regulus would have voiced how this also was not helpful to Barty’s case, but he was not able to do so (see: aforementioned fingers smushing his mouth into uselessness).
“You have to kiss me,” Barty said. Deep stare. Completely, unequivocally serious (no, not his brother)
Regulus blinked again. The boy before him was so genuine. His eyes were wide, almost vulnerable. It was unnerving. Regulus reached up and snatched Barty’s hand away from his mouth. He yelped in surprise, falling backwards
Okay, so maybe he was more than a little tipsy, Regulus observed as he tumbled back into the couch.
“Why?” Regulus asked, folding his arms across his chest as Barty stumbled back into place.
“We’ve never kissed anyone. We need to kiss people.”
“Why?”
“You have a lot of questions.”
“You don’t have many good answers.”
“Look, if we kiss each other, then we can never have a bad first kiss.”
“Why is the first one so important?”
“It just is.”
Regulus had read about it. The dramatic first kiss, that is, not kissing Barty specifically. It had never really clicked in his mind. Sure, he understood why people might think it romantic, or whatever. But then again, no, he didn’t. What was so special about one, the one, as if there were not going to be others after?
“So… we kiss each other?” Regulus said when Barty fell silent, apparently content with the poor case he’d made thus far.
“And then we can say we had a good first kiss,” Barty affirmed.
“Who says you’re a good kisser?”
“I’ll be a good kisser,” Barty said indignantly, shooting up in offence.
“How do you know? You’ve never kissed anybody before.”
“Touche. Now let’s change it, shall we?”
Regulus could have said no. But there was a desperation in Barty’s eyes, in his friend’s eyes, that encouraged his relinquish. He would tell you that was the only reason. He might even tell himself that. Both, of course, would be lies.
There was some small part of Regulus in which curious niggled, leapt, wanted to pounce even. He had never thought much of it, though, not really. It did not exist in any way that seemed significant. Not in a way he had read about. Not for the girls who would swipe their hair over their shoulders or whose breasts were large or whatever the hell seemed to encourage that twist in the stomach so sought after in his books.
No, the curiosity (or whatever it was) only jumped into his chest or just below his navel with Barty, sometimes Sirius’ best friend Evan when he played Quidditch, that one Ravenclaw Seventh Year who often settled in the uppermost corner of the library.
But that was neither here nor there. What was here, was Barty. Looking at him, wanting and asking in a very un-Barty-like show of politeness and vulnerability and something else Regulus could not for the life of him interpret.
“Fine,” Regulus huffed, as though he had not already mentally agreed about two minutes prior.
Barty just grinned. Beamed, really. He looked pleased. Regulus wasn’t sure how to interpret that either.
Regulus let Barty come to him, hands planted on either side of him on the window seat they normally shared anyway, and they kissed.
It was not dramatic, it was a kiss. Their lips were touching and then they weren’t. It was not bad, Barty wasn’t a bad kisser, it was just a kiss. Either there was something more to it neither of them were getting, or the whole kissing thing was sorely overhyped in novels and by his peers alike. There was something in his stomach that was satiated, maybe. Or maybe that was the funny feeling of the liquor he’d had. Even then, fireworks had not cracked and worlds (nor lips) had really collided.
It registered somewhere in his brain, though Regulus can’t quite recall if it was before Barty’s whole spiel, or in the moments after the kiss had taken place, that his first kiss (or any kiss, for that matter) should not have been with a boy. It just hadn't really occurred to him at first. And then it did. Barty looked very smug, apparently pleased with himself, and it either had not occurred to him either, or he did not care.
Maybe it mattered. The not-boy part. But the kiss hardly felt like it mattered, so Regulus decided it didn’t. But he also did not trust his own opinion on that (if he didn’t understand kissing to begin with, how could he decide who he kissed mattered as well?), so he sought out the one person whose opinion he could be sure mattered shortly after Barty’s exit where he was definitely going to continue to break Sirius’ one drink rule.
Sirius was grinning. It was the kind of grin he hardly recognised on Sirius anymore. It was loose and pleasant and the kind he would find on Sirius’ face when they were young (young-er) and he was laughing. Sirius still laughed, sure, but there was a difference.
“Hey Reg, you doing okay? Keeping to the one drink?”
He found he appreciated it when Sirius cared about that sort of thing, when he noticed if Regulus was being careful. He did not voice that, obviously, that would be weird. “I’m not a little kid,” Regulus replied instead.
“Well-”
“I need to talk to you.” Regulus waved a hand dismissively.
Sirius made a face. “Now?”
“Yes. Now.”
“Okay then,” Sirius said after a beat, “talk.”
Regulus glances around. It was secluded enough, he decided. Well. Regulus stared pointedly at Dorcas.
“Noted,” she said, leaving without another word to give them space.
“I just had my first kiss,” he said without lead up or warning. Was that the kind of thing you led up to?
Sirius blinked. “Oh, okay.”
“Okay?”
“I don’t know what else you want me to say. Was it bad?”
“No, it was fine.”
“Good for you, then, was that all? Just wanted to give a general life update?”
“No. There's more.”
“Not too much more, I hope, we don’t need any more heirs to the oh-so Noble House of Black anytime soon.”
Regulus just levelled him with a glare. He didn’t quite understand what Sirius was referring to—or, he did, but only in the most clinical sense of knowledge (he’d read books, after all)—but there was an amusement to his brother’s voice that Regulus had long ago learned encouraging would only lead to more smug remarks. So Regulus refrained from asking for clarification, he would think more about it later, maybe read another book. There were too many thoughts in his brain already.
“It was with Barty.”
“What was with Barty?”
“The kiss. Our kiss. My first kiss.”
“Right,” Sirius said, eyebrows furrowed.
“Is that bad?”
“Is what bad?”
“My first kiss being with Barty, keep up.”
“Sorry, this is just a lot to take in at once.”
“So is it bad?” Regulus demanded, suddenly stressed.
“Why would it be bad?” Sirius looked as confused as Regulus felt.
“Barty. Barty is Barty, he’s…” not a girl.
There was an echo there. In Regulus’ head. He wondered if Sirius could hear it too. It sounded like their maman. It sounded like the discussions of soon-to-be arranged marriages that were already really arranged, with people much too close to the family (subtext: in the same fucking family) and with people who were definitely women and absolutely not boys.
“Oh,” Sirius’ face relaxed into one of understanding. Maybe he was reading Regulus’ mind, Maybe he could hear the same echoes of their parents' voices. Maybe both. “No Reg, that’s not bad at all.”
“They’d hate me for it.” The they in question was unspoken, but not really. It was as unspoken as their parents often were in Hogwarts. The kind where they were never mentioned by name, but they never had to be. They were already in the walls, in their skin, in their blood.
“Do you want to kiss… y’know, boys, again?” Sirius asked. He did not look mad. He maybe looked sad, but Regulus struggled with reading his brother at the best of times.
“I don’t know.” But, but… “But what if I did?”
“Then we’d figure it out.”
“How?”
Sirius looked away. Looked back. Looked away again, toward.
“You know, my first kiss was with Evan?”
Regulus stared. Followed Sirius’ gaze, which was toward Evan. The blond was now sitting very closely to the girl he was sitting, admittedly, less closely with minutes prior. “Really?”
“Really.”
It was bad, really. They both knew it. They both knew the women and the heirs and the arranged dates were all inescapable. Echoes.
But Sirius had kissed Evan, and Evan was a boy. Not a girl. And Evan was kind of Sirius’ Barty, if that made sense. It didn't really. Neither did them both kissing their respective Bartys and Evans. But they had. Both of them.
Their parents had been wrong before. Sirius, as far as Regulus was concerned, had never.
Sirius had kissed a boy. Regulus had kissed a boy. The world had not ended.
“We’ll figure it out, Reg,” Sirius repeated. He said it quietly, more to himself even though the statement was dedicated to him.
“Okay,” Regulus responded simply. Because he believed Sirius. Sirius had always figured it out. They would figure it out.
Sirius had said so.
#this is a third year reggie alt perspective of a chapter to come ages and ages away#but i was rereading it today for comfort#and realised how much i adore writing reg#writing tag#fic: that's the idea#regulus black#sirius black#barty crouch jr#evan rosier#slytherin sirius#the black brothers#marauders#marauders era#fanfiction writing#marauders fanfiction
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RAHHHHH ok 71 posting time.
empress is a beautiful interpretation and honestly probably more valid than my own bullshit. but to ME dylan's card is temperance
having a clear vision of what he wants (detroit to win. and be a dynasty again. very similar to when steve was drafted and he looked at the shambling mess of the detroit dead wings and said Huh. Okay. Well I guess i'm gonna be the one to fix this!)
being patient and devoted (and/or devout? how much do we want to delve into hockey as a lifestyle vs hockey as religion) enough to the team that he's willing to sign eight years after five years of rebuild depression soulrot failure misery just to be there and see it happen
having a genuine sense of balance / harmony flowing thru him (which i think is actually something he kind of lacks? having watched this guy skate since 2018 i think i'm allowed to say i have a good sense of how he plays and how he thinks just from observation) but he's always been very on/off. in the sense that his only immediate emotional reactions tend to ricochet between the extremes of "OH WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK 313 DETROIT RED WINGS FOREVER BITCH" and "i would to kill myself to repent for this failure except i'm the leader and thats a bad example to set so i'll just sit here with tears in my eyes and guilt in my heart while fielding impersonal media questions" and yet the way he acts as captain? is somehow the perfect line of being fair and reserved and moderate but still firm and fair in every regard. like if he wasn't captain, idk if i would give him this card, but he is, and when he's out there talking down the refs who want to skew detroit's chances over again with his big terrifying brown eyes and snarling grin while his giant european teenaged sons loom behind him waiting for HIS permission to stop being gentlemen and stand up for themselves in the corners, i do think Ohhh. He Is Temperance. He's the one setting the standards and showing the younger guys: in this town we don't get much help, but we uphold a certain decorum, and we are not violent for violence's sake. we stand our own and our wrath is not an easy thing to provoke.
being capable enough to manage a lot of moving parts. being captain in detroit is not as much of a frivolous thing as it is elsewhere. it doesn't change often. we dont retire every number of a guy who was kind of important. we would rather have years with four alternates rather than rush someone into role of captain (again, stevie's attempts to protect dylan from the insane psychological problems he had to take on as a rookie captain leading a horrendous team parallels are at it again) and even without that official patch on his jersey, everyone knew what a leader he was, how much of his heart was in this, how dedicated he was to taking care of the rookies and supporting the veteran guys whose bodies are falling apart and facing media questions and standing up proudly despite despite despite despite!!!!!! and never taking a moment to collapse or cry or throw up his hands and say I can't do this anymore. he literally is going to multitask this team to a cup and you all better say thank you when it happens.
taking matters into his own hands. in the temperance card, the figure pours water back and forth between two cups, seeing it change and become something else as it moves and transforms. this is exactly what his role in the team is: to be the one on the inside of the locker room that's shaping and transforming expectations, work ethic, devotion... to a lot of guys in the nhl it seems like it's a job, and they can do their role on a team in any city. dylan can't. he's on the front lines of improving the detroit red wings (reputation, alliances, rivalries, technical gameplay, or otherwise,) or he's not actually doing his job correctly. he can't just pack up and play in canada and be a third line center. that's not what he's meant to be doing.
@crossbackpoke-check hi
#drw#hank is the empress btw though. sergei is the chariot#dont talk to me or my drw tarot associations ever again etc etc#71
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hey guys can i admit an insecurity slash issue that's actually sorta crushing me but i cant shake it no matter how hard i try. it's under a cut so you can scroll past it, idk if this would be considered vent-y or not but i gotta say something somewhere n it's also my blog and i post whatever i want on it. though i do talk abt my ex and the emotional/mental abuse i was put through. so be warned.
keep in mind it's 4am when im writing this
okay so my boyfriend-slash-prospective-husband is going to university soon. he doesn't want to.
now i am consumed with this overwhelming dread, overwhelming terror, that this is the end for our relationship. sounds pretty silly huh. why should i be so panicked about a simple fact of life that some of us might decide to tackle through our lifetimes. so why be so upset about it?
HOWEVER. my head is severely screwed up.
my ex happened to be extremely emotionally manipulative/abusive and the damage that they've caused rears its ugly head here more than anything else. i am terrified, and i mean deeply so, of my boyfriend becoming too busy for me and forgetting about me and dragging me through an absolutely vicious period of neglect (which is what my ex did, and punctuated it by confessing to me that they never loved me to begin with and that our entire bond was a lie among other things SUCH AS successfully manipulating an entire group of people against me in order to hurt me, and demanding i stay silent about how i was treated among other things but that's a story for much later when I'm more ready to tell it)
now i know, logically, that that isn't going to happen. my boyfriend genuinely loves me even if my trauma wants to grab me by the throat and spit in my face about otherwise in the voice of my ex. i know he loves me, i know he will keep up with me as i will with him. hell we have no reason not to. he's given me the strongest sense of stability and love i haven't had since my ex had me believing they actually wanted me.
and my perception of love and my relationship with love is very, very broken as a result of the life I've lived and the fucking shitstain that was my ex. so it's scary to put so much trust in someone and so much love in someone despite my raging terror that it will all explode back in my face.
heartache is part of life and pain is part of life but when you've experienced it so much you want to get out of it and when you're this fucked up the releases from this pain are just as scary as the reasons you're in so much agony.
I am eternally grateful that my love is so patient with me. he doesn't judge me, or wish to hurt me, and it's like we grow closer and closer every single day. i am so in love with him that sometimes it feels like a physical pain in my chest and like every wound i have is healed or at least numbed. when we met there was love in his eyes, and i felt that it was real and true. which i cant say about my ex when we met last year and they essentially treated me and my mom like fucking maids and had a bitchfit when we called them out LMAO
my sister would psychoanalyze me, say that my lack of personal stability is going to drive my boyfriend away. that I'm setting our relationship up to fail, etc etc etc, a self-fulfilling prophecy. i disagree but only on the grounds that i need to heal into love rather than separate from it and that my boyfriend is just the stability i need while he lays my aching heart to rest and helps me heal. i dont trust, because of how my ex manipulated me, so having things proven with time is just what I need and just what my boyfriend is providing. I'm a battered shelter dog and i don't need to be alone anymore. I've been alone enough.
because of how my ex practically rewired my head and exploited my fears and vulnerabilities and left me with damage that is worse than any other situation I've been in, its difficult to trust people closest to me. i try, i genuinely try, but it's an ugly defence mechanism. it's why I'm so reclusive.
it's why i'm so deeply terrified of my beloved going off to uni and forgetting about me.
"give him space, he has work to do, let him be," my sister would say. trying to paint me as clingy. I'm just scared. i know all i have to do is put faith in my boyfriend (i do) but it's so fucking hard when you're this screwed up and can't tell the future.
i just wish i could have some certainty of what's going to happen. I'm terrified my world is going to end again this September and i wont survive it. i am so fucking scared. it's like I'm grieving someone i haven't even lost (and wont loose) yet.
i hate this. i dont want to feel like this.
#caydeposting#i cannot take someone labelling me a thousand buzzwords again#i am me. and i have real human pains and i know what's good for me.#i'm sorry
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While I do see the appeal of usuk, I can't really see it. There's a generational resentment from the USA, there's a inferiority/superiority view from england. Idk, looks strange. I have siblings, that's how we behave with each other. But it's cool, just think the special relationship is mostly based on power and convenience nothing else.
Historically rusame doesn't work. I mean yeah, friends at first but then ideologies wreck it. How do you see those two?
Historically I do enjoy my porteng and frain but for america it makes sense Canada or alone. I feel there's a quite lack of compromise in USA part. They want to take and their freedom is more important than any sort of relationship.
Woah woah woah I think you sent me like five ship asks in a row so let me just go through them one by one if that's okay! I'll do the France x Spain headcanons in its own ask but here let me run through some ship talk. As I should not need to clarify - I have my preferences certainly, and there are some ships which I cannot stand for one reason or another, but I have never been fussed about trying to un-justify why a pairing wouldn't work. Justify why it would certainly yes yes, but I am not your mother or any figure of authority and I am a big fan of the tag filter and block button, I encourage it with me if it keeps your dash hot take free. Crack ships, historical ships, human aus... whatever floats people's boats! Personally I am a big fan of unhealthy relationships that claw their way into functioning, so that will inform my understanding of the characters. That ain't for everyone.
So!
There's a generational resentment from the USA, there's a inferiority/superiority view from england
That's what makes it great :D
But it's cool, just think the special relationship is mostly based on power and convenience nothing else.
Again, that's kind of the point for me - how do you reconcile two people who are in a metaphorical open marriage of convenience with the fact that maybe they have genuine feelings which are distinct from any political role they play, knowing that they themselves aren't political players. They can potentially have a history that runs directly contradictory the the popular narrative of international relations: what does that look like? I think a lot of people employ that dynamic within Hetalia ships - personally I use it with US UK the most, but they're all party to it.
I have siblings, that's how we behave with each other.
That's cool and I can understand that angle! I have a brother and sister too and we get on like so painfully normally fine, so I always am a bit ???? when it comes to depictions of dysfunctional siblings in media. And that's the crux of it. Of course I see them as fraternal at times. It's really down to the story that the author - Hima or otherwise - wants to tell. The characters are immortal spirits. Tell interesting stories with them, the dynamics are intentionally left vague because it's fun to fill the gaps!
Historically rus ame doesn't work. I mean yeah, friends at first but then ideologies wreck it. How do you see those two?
I think it works in the 19th Century because Russia was often quite friendly with the US, particularly during the Civil War, but only in regards to the Russian Empire A) Liking 'strong' centralised government over federalisation B) It is a land based Empire who does not want a precedent set for splinter sections of the country declaring independence C) Russia hates Britain. America for much of the 19th Century is a bulwark against Britain (and by extension Canada). It was never a particularly important or course changing relationship outside of Alaska, but I can see historic cause for saying you could make something up. A lull of near nothing between WWI and WWII of course. After that it's the tension of MAD etc...
Personally. I am not a fan. Not a huge fan of Ivan in general so... I skip it. But yeah, once Alfred supplants Arthur as the 'real' enemy, any chance of happiness fades. Unless you aren't bothered about something as trivial as happiness in a ship and enjoy carnage. Not for me personally but!!
Historically I do enjoy my port eng and fra in but for america it makes sense Canada or alone. I feel there's a quite lack of compromise in USA part. They want to take and their freedom is more important than any sort of relationship.
Again I am not a fan of Canada and America... genuinely I think it's cause they are just too visually similar (for some I hear that's a perk...). But with every America ship you're gonna have fucked power dynamics. Doesn't matter who it's with. The eb and flow of influence will shift and depend on the other party certainly - some may be more openly defiant only to get shot down in flames, others may choose to try and be subtle only to find that Alfred doesn't do subtle. That's the fun in his ships I find. Can you have him in a romantic relationship where the scales tipped in his favour make everyday life just so utterly dysfunctional it's not worth the trouble?
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-im going to insult Kou
rapidfur
This whole exchange gave me BIG hell of mirrors vibes, when Kou is like "oh youve just got a gross and dirty little heart so thats why you dont want to go inside the mirror"... and its like UH YEAAA.... YEAA BUT LIKE NO ALSO.... akdjwkdj. Especially when you get actual confirmation that his fear is his brother's dead body. I ultimately can't even take it seriously cause its so childish and, genuinely I dont think Kou means much by it... but... I dunno!
gkdfl;g it’s like ohhhhhh KOU, he words things far too capriciously and with far too much confidence, it makes Hanako go “jesus.... okay ....” not... ready for the level of irreverence. In the middle of a situation or subject as serious as what they are up against. Hanako is out here thinking about his beloved little brother’s corpse, and how the entire Hell of Mirrors will turn into an unbridled nightmare if he steps in......................... and then its like Kou is on a different planet. It’s crazy, the different wavelengths they exist on. It’s half Hanako’s fault for how he presents himself TO others and how he guards against severity/preciousness being discussed, BUT I STILL THINK KOU COULD.... BE SLIGHTLY MORE OBSERVANT AND PERCEPTIVE.... just like, from his own... brain..... please, you do walk into this knowing Hanako is a murderer, and now you know enough that it’s a complicated situation, but I swear Hanako’s demeanor of flippancy just works to make Kou (confirmed biggest patsy ever) completely forget everything ever...... if Nene was here I swear she’d be like “.... right.... Hanako-kun.... has a lot of things he might fear..... ): ”
Kou is so like... I can’t take your idiocy so seriously... and I think Hanako doesn’t either, which is WHY he never bothers defending himself or clarifying... he gets no benefit from uh, educating Kou.... he can’t get mad.... whatever, he can stay a misinformed idiot handling things with less honor than they deserve, Hanako has no need for Kou’s honor or respect. (which ig is why it’s so interesting he does snap the one time Kou tries to outright say the murder must have been ‘for a good reason’.... the extent to which you have to majorly fuck up to finally piss off Hanako, lol... he will shrug off so much.... you CAN insult HIM for being ‘afraid of Tsukasa’, but you CANNOT insult TSUKASA by saying he deserved to die... :B)
He feels like the goon in the room whos job it is to say the dumb thing, once Nene’s grown out of that role with what she’s learned. Maybe Nene gives Hanako too much space of respect and boundaries and then Kou’s the opposite with no sense of “hey... maybe thats not in your lane to comment on...”
Don’t Try To Have a Take, I Am Going To Hit You With a Rake
I'm also bothered and wondering if Kou still thinks Tsukasa is fake or not. He's not even talking like he is, so that must have been swept away by now...? But like does he even care? he carried him in his arms!!!! Oh my god, he is so simple-minded it drives me crazy... Kou IS great for his simplicity but it's annoying when AidaIro keep trying to give him moving character arcs. What was the point of him meeting baby tsukasa if hes still going to make the most uncharitable readings of tsukasa and hanakos relationship!?!? Grrr!!! I get his animosity towards Tsukasa can't be wrapped up so quickly, but the lack of any feeling at all is so discouraging. So disrespectful! How is Amane not more mad? Get some self respect, man!!! Maybe set up 1 or 2 boundaries!!!
Kou’s processing of things is often for me a real ‘just show you where he’s at periodically’ thing, admittedly I’m always pretty confounded when we check-in on him. He goes from... completely and utterly doubling down on ‘you’re DEFINITELY fake and NOT real Mitsuba’ to Mitsuba’s face in PP (ouch!) [I mean.... he pads it with ‘but I do want to help you’ but, it’s still... brutal... and he lacks any authority to say that, but boy does he say it]
to... by the end of that arc, doing a ‘what’s real? idk’ (THEN WHY DID YOU DOUBLE DOWN SO HARD??? you really do just yell whatever comes to you before you critically examine it TT_TT) to Nene,
^^This scene^^ has my favorite Kou, he’s the most contemplative and ‘pausing for thought’ we’ve seen... if he were like this more often I would not dislike him! This is such a placid and grounding conversation, admitting to uncertainty, conferring with Nene how difficult this is to navigate. He actually knows he’s out of his depth here. FOR ONCE...!
idk how to say this, but I think it’s... cruel, he doesn’t externalize ANY of his confusion TO Mitsuba? Mitsuba only gets him screaming confidently, declaring things, Mitsuba doesn’t even.. know, that you lay awake struggling with this? Mitsuba actually doesn’t even presume Kou is thinking/worrying about him (why would he, he won’t even think to eat lunch with him daily)
... he’s so humble!! It’s killing me, you’re supposed to be the good boy, but Mitsuba has made less progress peering into Kou’s psyche than freaking Nene has with goddamn HANAKO. WOOF! I mean, it’s both their fault, because , they are both stupid,
...but still!
Wouldn’t that be... helpful, for Mitsuba, who IS THE ONE STRUGGLING WITH HIS IDENTITY AND SELF, to know that even to an outsider, it isn’t so cut and dry, and it’s painful and intimidating to try to confront?
... then just before the Red House we get Kou interacting with Mitsuba’s mom, a dope scene wherein Kou censors himself while Nene doesn’t, but both get mommy’s approval..... Kou comes out of that mostly just wrestling with ‘death’, and cryptically, despite us (the audience) seeing the contrary (nene and mommy chatting about the ghost Mitsuba as if he was living Mitsuba), Kou ends this all with “ah... he’s really gone” (????????????????????? did you really go this whole time not even processing his death as a point of fact? You’re making Nene’s processing of Hanako being a ghost multiple volumes in look like she was a rocket scientist ....... ig Teru has done a great job keeping him ignorant and unthinking about all these things?)
....... its like every time we check-in with Kou, he’s definitely thought harder to himself and gotten himself in a tizzy and all.... he’ll be at different stages of struggling....... but like. For me, seeing him get ‘this far’ with Mitsuba was like “nice nice ... ok ... come on Kou ....” and then him leaping to ‘this is a fake Tsukasa’ was like,
WHY ARE YOU STARTING AT 0?????????????????? OMG please apply your experiences with Mitsuba, TO Tsukasa.... PLEASE RELATE TO HANAKO’S LOSS NOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND LOSS?????? You-- JUST AREN’T??? OMG Kou what is the POINT then of you processing Loss and Identity,,, if you’ll use none of that to analyze the Yugi before you. IMAGINE if Hanako was like “lol you don’t interact with Mitsuba because you are afraid of him” it would be like ................................................ SORTOF????? it’s intimidating to interact with confusing things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s also sad!! It’s HARDDDD!!!! KOU!!!! What IS your relationship with ‘new Mitsuba’? How do you decontextualize your modern relationship from the legacy of your past? Is it right to, is it wrong to? How do you act different, how do you act the same? What ‘future’ do you have with this person? YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW PAINFUL THIS IS, KOU.
the authenticity removal due to alteration does not GET to apply to ONLY Tsukasa and be more vague for Mitsuba, for Kou’s convenience!! Questions of Kaii legitimacy and the source of identity are, going to be universal, you can’t pick and choose when to authenticate someone as ‘real’ and when to not based on IF YOU PERSONALLY LIKE THEM OR NOT. *hits him with a rake*
...anyway yeah, like ... seeing Red House not change his disrespectful tone about Tsukasa, is par the course for like.... omg.... you don’t seem to retain much information or apply it to Tsukasa.... I’m excited anyway bc I feel Kou has such a big storm coming when ultimately the narratives of Mitsuba and Tsukasa have overlap (where he can’t reject one and accept the other without collateral).... I feel like his purpose right now is to ... be the guy who needs to learn something ....
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I really love your Azalea fics. I read your Mammon economy fic and another one shot and they were chef's kiss. I want to thank you for writing such wonderful angst. It always brings me great comfort. I was wondering if it was possible to make a masterlist just for her stories? I found one miraculously in my feed and I have read like 4 overall, but they were all out of order. I checked your masterlist from 1-4 but I was a bit lost. I'm new to tumblr but I apologize for being a dumb ass 😅 Also, I'm an only child, but I could still feel her pain. I always ended in tears from the few fics I read. I know Azalea ain't a saint, but Mammon's attitude is very frustrating. Every time they take a positive step forward, he always messes it up. Arella was frustrating too, but in I think I'm okay she finally seemed to understand the situation better. Since I haven't read everything, I may be missing details, but it's very frustrating how Mammon always remembers everything that has to do with their sons. Cyrus is understandable of course. But even so, he defends them when they don't have time to for example, babysit Mahlon, but of course Azalea is a brat for not wanting to because she has nothing important to do 🙃 Do you have plans for more Azalea fics? Will Mammon finally get his shit together and stop making excuses for forgetting his promises to his daughter and treat her equally like he does with his sons? I hope he does. I was a bit hopeful after reading 30 miles north but our dumb ass demon never seems to learn 😭 Sorry for going on a rant. I'm very passionate about family bonds especially in angst settings 😂
Honestly I don’t mind the ranting and I’m absolutely chuffed that you loved her fics that much.
Funfact: Azalea was the first out of the next gen characters that I ever made and even some of her mother’s traits came out of that initial draft for Azalea’s design. Idk if you could tell but she immediately became my favorite to write for out of the lot of them as her character is far more fleshed than any of her brothers or cousins.
As for the masterlist, it’ll be under the cut and the links are in chronological order for when they’re happening in her life and it’ll be updated as I upload more fics for her.
Character Masterlist: Azalea
Azalea gets summoned (a comic in which Azalea meets Max)
Everything Undesired epilogue (while not a fic about Azalea, the epilogue gives some insight into the issues that were building up with Azalea just prior to Cyrus’ return and it kind of sets up the whole arc between Cyrus and Azalea)
I Think I’m OKAY
Part 1
Part 2
30 Miles North
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Body Image Issues ( this was more so focused on Asmo’s daughter Zulima but it was about Azalea’s own body image problems so I’m including it here)
Part 1
Part 2
Of Horrible Parenting and Stubborn Teenagers (oneshot)
The Final Straw (oneshot)
Razorblades and Rubberbands
Part 1
I think that’s everything. Unfortunately I had stopped writing angst for her for a time even though she’s in damn near every next gen fic in on way or another due to me feeling that writing about her issues was getting boring for readers so I think I only have those four fics about her that you read, but I have 2 or 3 (maybe 4 even) WIPs of angst for her that I never posted that maybe I’ll be motivated to finish now. And tons more to write about.
Can I have your @ so I can tag you in new stories for her? (If not that’s okay too)
As far as the rest of your ask goes especially in regards to Mammon and his treatment of his daughter. I want to write their relationship getting better due to my own need to have that parent-child reconciliation but because I currently have and have always had a shitty relationship with my own father, it just never seems like a genuine resolution and feels… fake-for lack of a better term.
You know what they say, write from experience, or something along those lines
Also i do want to kinda clarify that Mammon’s not solely responsible for how he treats Azalea over her brothers as she doesn’t communicate her own schedule with him since she just doesn’t trust her father- and to a certain extent her mother- with that information anymore. Like he’ll text her to find out what’s going on in her life and she’ll just straight up leave him on read. Mammon and Arella can’t plan around or take into consideration a schedule they don’t know and that’s where alot of this comes from.
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私のリアルは充実しすぎている Review
I was looking for a moderately decent otome that wasn't too long and had a real life setting, and Watajuu hit all the right notes. I went in not expecting that much, but I actually ended up really enjoying it. There was a lot of thought put into the themes and how they connected with each route, which really surprised me.
Additionally, for JP learners, it's a great VN to start with because of the setting and lack of complex monologuing on the MC's part. I would say it's easier than Narcissu, which is often touted as one of the easier VNs to read. And of course, if you like otome games, this is probably one of the best you can start with since it's much easier to hook up than something like the Tokimemo Girl's Side games.
Learning
Very easy to read and hook up, 90% of sentences can be MTLed if you're really lost grammar-wise and most other slang is covered by dictionaries
Pros
Every route boy is genuinely likable
MC/Nozomi is her own person and not really a self insert
Overall theming and story is good
The art is cute
The omakes are cute
Cons
Nozomi is insufferable in Ayumu's route but it's understandable I GUESS
Main route is with your stepbrother and an ending is with your blood brother (which may be a pro or con depending on who you are idk you can just skip the route if you aren't into it it's my least favorite of them personally)
My cursor snaps back to the center of the window if I alt-tab which is super annoying for dictionary lookup
Hozumi's VA quit the industry (pain)
Route Order
Doesn't really matter, but to build on MC's past, you want to go Hozumi > Ayumu > Shun.
Personally, I played Ayumu > Hozumi > Shun and I think that was great as well. I think I ended up enjoying Hozumi as a character more doing it that way since Ayumu really tugs at the heart strings the most of all the boys. Either way, I think doing Shun last makes the most sense.
Rating: Very good to study with and doesn't waste your time with any fluff. The pacing is good and every scene has some relevance/importance. If you want to read/study Japanese, this is a great VN to go with.
In terms of plot, I like it and the characters are all pretty likable overall. I actually liked every boy! I think all of them are pretty intriguing and are good for MC in different ways.
Steam | VNDB
Relationships
There's a lot of thought put into how each boy benefits from having Nozomi in their lives and how she can grow as a person by being with them. This is what makes each boy so likable.
Hozumi - A companion in obfuscation
My favorite boy, the tsundere. He and Nozomi empathize with each other's struggles of putting up an act for others to accept them. Their relationship is the kind built on knowing each other's darkest selves in a empathetic way. I really like character relationships like this, so I find this pairing the most compelling. They riff off each other well and are an oddly good match.
I also like how Hozumi and Mizuho are pretty distinct despite being twins. There's a lot of anime twins that look the exact same outside of one thing, but Hozumi has a stronger jawline and longer hair than Mizuho.
Ayumu - Combating loneliness
They have like interests and know what it's like to be ostracized by others for being their true selves. Naturally, this makes Ayumu's route about not giving a damn about what others think and just being true to themselves. Nozomi seems the most free in this one, living publically as a nerd in the true end of this route.
However, since Nozomi is a teenage girl who was thoroughly traumatized by her experiences in her middle school days, she's incredibly insensitive to Ayumu in his own route and throws him under the bus any chance she gets, which was really frustrating to read even if realistic. This is the main reason I don't like Ayumu's route, but otherwise it's cute. The second side story is my favorite of the set though.
Shun - Impetus for growth
He's your brother, okay, let's put that aside now. Anyway, some relationships are built on on being motivated to change for another person, and this relationship is built on that. It's a nice sentiment, besides the whole stepbrother thing...
Shun gives his normal ending to Yuu. I like Yuu as a character; I find his struggles as an only child and severe inferiority complex pretty interesting... besides the whole full blood brother thing...
Either way, these routes outside of the elephant in the room are fine? Not my favorite. Shun only really started being nice to Nozomi after she cleaned up, but I guess it's better than nothing.
The bad
The music is kind of whatever but I did read somewhere that it was composed for the game even when it was freeware, so they definitely gave a lot of thought to it. This is a nitpick though, I just want to address the...
Elephant in the room where you can romance your step and full blood brothers. Considering the fanart/sold out merch though, I guess this part is a big reason why people read it? (Yuu is especially popular in China and Shun gets a lot of coverage. Well, he is the main boy after all, but still.)
Whatever, it wasn't my reason and I played it because I liked Ayumu's design (and the other reasons I mentioned). You can just skip it if you aren't into it after all.
I did end up liking Yuu more than I thought I would though, that's for sure. I think he's a really intriguing character that is like, extremely "only child" energy in terms of his motivations and complicated emotions for Nozomi. I like that part about him a lot.
Final thoughts
As characters, Hozumi > Ayumu > Yuu > Shun. As people, Shun > Ayumu > Yuu > Hozumi. Hozumi's an ass you can't tell me you'd be fine with him calling you kuso onna if he was real you'd deck him too.
But yeah, who knows if this will ever get an ENG TL? It might, but the devs can't afford it right now and don't know if people are that interested and it's such a simple read in Japanese that if you are interested in it, you should give it a try. It's also getting a Switch port eventually, if you're into that. Either way, its $10 price tag affords a ton of content and is totally worth the price. Please give it a shot if you're interested!
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Okay Okay Okay I am going to rant here bc Honestly i can
I saw something about plurality that was semi-obviously written by a neurotypical about some people saying it really did not cause them distress and I was thinking (or one of the fnuuy men was saying, I really cannot tell) "of course being some form of multiple people in one body affects us greatly." And That got me like big brain thinky thinky
As a artist I often make sonas for myself. I do this VERY frequently for some reason I cannot pin down, but an issue I have ALWAYS HAD is pinning down my personality so I can give it to the sona. I've always had trouble pinning my personality down even before I even knew jack shit about plurality...or DID...or OSDD...or any of that stuff.
Honestly It should have been obvious. I got an idea for a drawing and like two seconds later after there was femboy on my fucking screen. I Understood that I drew it, It was my artstyle clear as day but for some reason I just did not remember the sketching, linearting OR the coloring I, for some reason, did not see this as an issue and I was like "Well I be danmed I do not remember doing this but it looks unfinished I will finish doing it!" (could have been a sign of some form of amnesia) (I think I have already told you this but i forgor so ima say it again)
I remember sitting on the bus one day going home taking some test for DID and I remember It said I was at risk. When I was suspecting myself of potentially being disordered I was like "Well I do not remember any SEVERE childhood traumas sooo idk if I am actually like yk yk" And to this day I still do not know.
IDK if I'm even disordered. Maybe due to the autism the whole like separate ego thing stayed, maybe this shit indeed hit me out of nowhere, Maybe It was that one Easter when I was like 4 where they were doing some godforsaken ritualistic thing where they made the kids dip their thumb/hand in red paint and put it on some construction paper cross that I was too scared to do that set the path. Maybe It was the entirety of pre school in a religious establishment that I only clearly remember the ritualistic easter thing from. I do not know.
Thank you for reading my useless rant and if you know any shi then give shi :3
(im not an expert at all, just a very autistic individual that likes researching disorders and whatnot. so dont take my words as fact) i have a few things to say. first of all, the lack of memories of trauma from your childhood could be caused by dissociative amnesia, or if you are a system, a different alter could be a trauma holder. trauma also doesnt have to be things like being physically abused, which is easily seen as trauma. a child's mind is very different to a teen or adult mind, and trauma can be made by a bunch of "little" things piling up and stressing out someone's mind too much. with your preschool being a religious establishment, there could've been a lot of "small" things that added up, or things that you don't remember as trauma, but still traumatized you in some way. having any personality disorder (especially cluster b pds which deal greatly with the sense of self) could make you feel like you dont have a pinpoint-able personality. ive heard from some people that they pinned down their change in personality to being a system, so much so that they fully believed that they were one, but it was identity disturbance. there are also things like p-did, where one alter is the active one, and full switches dont happen, but co-consciousness does happen, which can make the host feel like they have a different personality or are perceiving things differently because they're being affected by the other person in front. theres also median systems (im not sure if this is widely-recognized as a real thing, ive just heard about it) where someone feels like they're inbetween being a singlet and a system, or cant place themselves in either category properly. the femboy art does seem to be a lot like amnesia, but i genuinely cant say if it is or isnt, because im just some guy. overall, plurality has a lot of grey areas and such. what i would recommend is to just take time, dont pressure yourself, and try to do what makes you most comfortable.
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whats your ts album/song ranking and hs album/song ranking
Woooof I'm soooo bad at album rankings and it changes frequently but I'll try my best.
So for Taylor I think in terms of favorites for me its 1. 1989 2. folklore 3. Red or speak now 4. fearless 5. lover/evermore 6. debut/rep
1989 will always be that girl for me even if its not objectively her best work in terms of songwriting. Like as an era its cohesive, shiny, fun and poppy and so light and breezy in every way I love and the songs (besides bad blood) all hold the most special places in my heart.
folklore has some of my favorite taylor music ever on it like the way that album makes me feel as a whole? unmathched. the lyrics? unmatched. It was an album released at the right place right time for me and imo is a valid contender for her greatest album ever.
red and speak now I'm soooo conflicted about okay hear me out. The rerecording gave me the biggest red fever like I was revisiting songs I slept on like starlight and I almost do etc. and enjoying them like it was the first time. I genuinely love red and while its not super sonically cohesive and not all the songs do it for me I think the ones that do (plus the nostalgia I have for it) make it high in my ranking. Speak Now I'm tentatively placing next to red because I've been revisiting the hits off that album and god thats some of her best work. Speak now has a list of hits that are god tier songs and its not my fav album simply because like red, not all the songs do it for me in the same way like 1989 and folklore do. But I think the rerecordings of speak now are really gonna catapult that album in similar ways the fearless one did (but hopefully to higher heights bc we don't speak about speak now enough).
fearless is a cute little darling. It is a very cohesive album that I didn't acknowledge much until the rerecordings. There are some absoultely darling songs on there and the whole album makes me feel all glittery inside. It is not without some songs that I simply don't listen to though which is why its lower than some. Like many of taylors albums I find that the songs that hit, hit and the songs that don't, don't as much. But basically any album that has the way I loved you can't be lower than this I'm so sorry.
Okay now we get controversial I feel. Lover as the individual songs I enjoy from it hits. There are like three categories of songs on lover for me. The absolute bangers, the fun for the times, and the unlistenables. An album with high highs and low lows in my opinion. Its like a frustratingly non cohesive project and I feel that that may have been the point? but at the same time like she sets up such an interesting concept for an album with daylight which feels like a conclusion to a completely different album than what we got in my opinon. Idk unlike red the non cohesiveness does not lend itself kindly to this one and its got too many misses to go much higher on this list for me imo (also some of the political insertions are so contrived and cringe and ruin even good songs for me like its just forced.) To be fair evermore could easily be above lover for me. In fact it probably should be. Its got some of my favorite writing from her much like folklore and the hits be hitting. I have this problem with evermore though where I don't listen to a lot of the songs on it. I love the songwriting and the concepts behind them but the songs are almost more lacking than I want them to be. I lovee tis the damn season and gold rush and evermore ( and some others) but its not as much of a full yes as some of the others on here. Maybe its a grower and I haven't given it a chance which is why I do believe this can change.
Rep I'm honestly bitter towards. Its got hits, the tour was cool, but goddd it just feels sooo....i dont even know like it does not work with me. I think the message behind the era was interesting but the way the concept was explored doesn't resonate with me the way it does with seemingly everyone else. Also the really trap production notes fall flat for me like most of my critiques are just in the backing tracks of the songs like some of them I wish were done quite differently because parts are great and others im like begrudgingly listening to like the corniest dialogue over the crunchiest goddamn bass synth i've ever had the displeasure of listening to. Maybe this will be fixed in rerecords? but I doubt it and yeah thats why its not higher sorry. Debut is down here simply because...shes cute and thats it. I never listen to her and like its not a bad project its just kinda there for me like idk it doesn't stack up as well against what shes done since and thats fine like its her first album and she was like a fucking baby or whtv when she wrote it so of course its not her best you've got to start somewhere.
For Harry I'm less opinionated I feel but I struggle ranking as well
I think at the moment its 1. Harrys House 2. Fine Line 3. Harry Styles
BUT this changes frequently and the reason I have trouble ranking his albums is for a reason dissimilar to taylor. The reason is because there are songs I love individually on say Harry Styles 1, that I love a lot more than some on Harrys House. Same with Fine Line. Like Fine Line and Harrys House are much more cohesive albums which I repsect whereas Harry Styles 1 was much more emotional. That all being said, the songwriting on his earlier albums resonates with me a lot more than it does on some songs on Harrys House. Idk its hard to describe like Harrys House is definitely more geared towards sounds I like listening to but fine Line is a much more balanced emotional, interesting and cohesive project. If anything fine line feels like the fine line between his other two albums, balancing the production and fun of harrys house with the emotions of HS1. Idk I don't hold the same emotions about harrys house as I do fine line or harry styles but I listen to it the most bc I like the songs on it a lot thats the best way I can describe it.
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hello!! i hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself ❤️ please remember to take breaks and drink some water !!!!
i was wondering if i could request headcanons for izuku, denki, and kirishima comforting a reader (gender neutral if you don’t mind) after their birthday absolutely sucked? it’s my birthday and my mom went out of her way to ruin it, my best friend is barely talking to me which idk why, i got my period which makes me sick, and it’s finals so i’ve spent the day crying, sleeping, and studying. if not i completely get it!!!! don’t feel pressured ❤️
s/o’s ruined birthday
character(s) : midoriya izuku, kaminari denki, kirishima eijirou (bnha)
legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used; gender neutral, quirk not mentioned
headcanon type : comfort, (angst if you squint) fluff (x reader)
warning(s) : reader’s mom being mean, and waking up to cause unnecessary chaos just because she felt like it :( period mention in izuku’s but it’s not,, even descriptive. and it’s i one bullet don’t worry :))
note(s) : omg i relate to you so much anon, my past birthdays got ruined by mom just because she woke up on the wrong side of the bed 💀 and this year i got my period the day before my birthday— so i was cramping the entire time 😐 in short, i relate to you ‼️and i’m sorry your birthday got ruined :( i hope this helps
im also sorry for the delay :,) also no proofread 🧍♀️
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midoriya izuku
help omg he’s in a state of panic
HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED— like,, the person that cares about your birthday the most (besides you) is him‼️
izuku must’ve planned things out precisely, even going to the point that he’d buy your birthday present 2 months ahead
because he’s just so worried about messing things up. he’d never live it down if he failed this one day
he walks excitingly to your room, ready to pick you up for the day— since he wanted to take you out on a birthday lunch, to celebrate the day
well, it was mostly for a birthday lunch, but also because he wanted you to feel better
you’ve told him that the day had started out on a wrong foot— since you woke up to your best friend ignoring you for a reason you couldn’t figure out.
you reassured him that you’d find out later, but regardless, you wanted to cheer up— and not waste this day on sadness, and have a nice lunch with izuku.
“today is going to be wonderful, i claim it!” izuku exclaims excitingly, gently squeezing your hand— and you can’t help but be uplifted by his words
temporarily
you felt a weird feeling in your stomach, and it was all familiar too, the cramping in your abdomen—
oh, it was that. and izuku was able to recognize what it was. way to start of this birthday experience, right?
the both of you guys end up dashing to the nearest washroom, taking care of it immediately— there’s a concerned look on his face
“are you okay? are you in any pain?” he’d ask, running the back of his hand along your cheek in an attempt to comfort you
“i’m fine, izuku, it’s all good. now, let’s go!” you’d beam in excitement, which started a chain reaction— and lightened up izuku’s mood.
the discussion was put to rest on that, and the two of you went on like normal— as the both of you headed to the designated restaurant
there would only be more misfortunate events to happen, as it appeared to be that the moment you and izuku stepped in the restaurant
the waitress that was serving you both had an interest in your boyfriend, even though you were RIGHT there to see all of it
and oh wow, it was so subtle— you wouldn’t have guessed from the airy laughs, her lingering gazes, and the way her hand would touch his shoulder
and also the way she’d get your order wrong, or she’d spill your drink on you as an ‘accident’
oh and your boyfriend definitely knew about what she felt, and he was not pleased
she even went as far as to ask him if the date was boring, and if the complementary cake would make up for it— her efforts on being subtle making quite the jump.
which made you super frustrated and just overall,, not good, on your own birthday— and even izuku could see that, despite you not saying a word
so, izuku quickly paid for the food, and the both of you guys bailed the restaurant swiftly
it was still pretty early in the day, but all you wanted to do was sleep, and forget that today was even supposed to be a special day.
he left you alone in your room for you to change into comfier clothes— to your requests, and when he came back, you were in a state of distraught
and he’s super bothered, brows furrowed and everything. why must you be sad on your own birthday? how did this all go wrong? and how can he fix this?
“please don’t cry, Y/N, i’m so, so sorry.” he apologizes, his hands rubbing your back as tears dripped into your pillow
“i don’t,, know how this happened! if i knew the staff there were like,, that, i would’ve not picked that place. today was supposed to be an amazing day for you but..”
“don’t apologize izuku,” you reassured, rubbing the incoming tears away, “none of this was your fault, i love your efforts! this,, just sucks.”
“i know sweetie, i’m sorry for that,” he rubs your stomach when your face scrunches up in pain, “you know what? i’ll be right back!”
he quickly leaves for a bit, only to come back with a selection of desserts, your gift and his laptop “we can watch disney movies! or well,, anything you want. i know that disney movies make you feel better!”
you stare at the selection of desserts, and you finally smile, “yeah, yeah. that doesn’t sound bad.”
he sighs in relief, and presents you your birthday gift “open this while i set things up!”
you stare eyes wide at the bundle of desserts, “thank you, izuku!”
“anything for you, lovely.” he presses his lips onto the temples of your cheeks— happy to see you smiling
oh and he definitely filed a complaint to that restaurant when you weren’t looking, the girl got fired :))
kaminari denki
also in a state of panic
his plan for the day wasn’t very descriptive, and he decided that he was just going to go off what he wanted to do
rather than what izuku did— which was planning in advance.
‘i’m just gonna go off what i want, no plans made!’ is what he told himself in his head, as he went straight for your room
he’s puzzled when he enters your room, and sees a not-so-happy Y/N, face contorted in dismay
“is,, something on your mind? it’s Y/N day! why do you look so,,”
“sad?” you finish his sentence, “ah, no!” you shake your head— dismissing your expression just now “it’s just that,, my best friend is ignoring me. i don’t know why though, and she won’t tell me.”
and he’s like 😃❓what kind of friend ignores someone on their birthday? he’s gonna find out later, for sure!
“don’t worry, babe! we can always find out later, right? today should be filled with happiness, right?” he jabs your abdomen, tickling you— effectively earning a giggle
“right,” you smile, because denki always knows how to make you feel better. “let’s go!” you exclaim, holding his hand as you leave your room.
yes i’m reusing the best friend ignoring you think im sorry i can’t think
so kaminari’s walking you to the place he figured would be a great place to celebrate your birthday at— for once, he doesn’t look that lost
“are you sure you know where you’re going?” you’d tease, which would cause him to intensively reassure you that he does
“of course i do!” he says proudly, “i’m just gonna do my thing, y’know? i’m in charge of the destinations”
and before you know it, the both of you guys run into someone you weren’t expecting.
your bestie 🤩 oh the luck you genuinely have.
they scowl just looking at you, and denki didn’t like it— like,, the nerve? ignoring you and then giving you the skank eye?
but still, denki tried to keep a conversation, “didn’t expect to see you here! how are you?” he stammers, trying his best to make the tense atmosphere disappate
“i’m doing good, denki!” they exclaim excitingly, almost as if you weren’t there “where’re you heading off to?”
denki tilts his head in surprise, “y’know,, just heading off to celebrate lovely Y/N’s birthday, of course!” you give denki a small, tight lipped smile
but your best friend doesn’t seem to budge, “who?” they reply, as if they don’t see you
it’s disheartening, honestly. disagreement are inevitable but,, you didn’t understand nor did he
denki’s even more confused, but decides to cut the conversation of it’s length, thinking that the misfortunes could just end at that
they didn’t stop there
you’ve also managed to run into your mother outside of the restaurant, when you were taking a quick phone call
she, normally— would’ve been very pleased to see you, let alone on this special day
but it appeared to be that she wasn’t happy at all, and in fact— showed that very well when she saw who you were with
her eyes narrowing, “this is who you decided to spend your birthday with?” she asks, a smile is plastered on her lips, but it lacks authenticity when she glances back into the restaurant
you nod, feeling a little too intimidated to even speak with the mood she’s in— she glances at your boyfriend, who’s oblivious to your encounter with your mother
“keep your mouth in check, child. make sure you don’t do anything to embarrass yourself even more.” and with that, she leaves— her words lingering in your mind
you enter the restaurant again, feeling 10x shittier than you were when you left to take that quick phone call
you’re aware that your mother would support any relationship you were in, but you could tell that she didn’t like denki— but accepted him because ‘whatever makes you happy’
it was a downer, you didn’t need this today— and your sudden mood change was bound to get noticed by your boyfriend
“what happened?” he asks with concern, “did bakugou rain on your parade?” he asks, and you would’ve laughed but,, you honestly couldn’t find yourself to
“oh, it’s just..” you struggle to find yourself finishing your sentence, when the employees of the restaurant start singing you a happy birthday
you’d hate to say it but,, your mood was like that for the entire date, even when you brushed it off like nothing— and acted as if nothing went wrong
and when you flop onto your bed, eyes welling up in tears— he panics
“oh no, no, no!” he panics, dropping down to comfort you “baby what’s wrong? did you not enjoy today?”
“denki, i enjoyed today, of course.” you state, hands wandering up to pet his blond hair
“but then, why,, are you crying right now? i don’t want you to feel sad today! i know i’m not someone that looks serious, but i’ll definitely make things work!” he states with determination, and denki finds relief when he hears you laugh
“i saw my mom today”
“oh,” his brows furrowed, “i’m sorry, sweets. did she say anything rude?”
“oh uhm, im not sure if she meant it but it did hurt my feelings,” you simply state, not wanting to give the specifics, “plus with the best friend thing,,”
he’s silent for a bit, before he speaks “you know what? it’s okay. it’ll be okay. your best friend- not sure why she’s like that, but she’ll come around. and with your mom? don’t worry, and don’t let it worry you! it’s your special day, and you will feel special.”
denki backs away, and before you knew it, sparks radiate from all around his body— making sure he doesn’t touch you at all
“yaaaay!” he’s drowsy, and he dumbly raises his thumb high— which makes you burst out into giggles and pure laughter
“denkii, you cannot keep doing this!” you exclaim, but you still laugh when he replies with the same comedic ‘yaaay!’
you finally calm down, and you lean to press a kiss onto his lips, “thank you, denki. i,, really appreciate your efforts.”
he might feel stupid at the moment, but he’s glad that you’re happy again.
kirishima eijirou
looks like his usual self, but he’s internally panicking— he just figured that he needed to get himself together, for you
he had an idea on what he was going to do for you on your birthday, he even prepared a gift for you— 3 weeks in advanced (with the help of bakugou, his secret wingman)
it wasn’t an impromptu celebration like kaminari, but it also wasn’t super planned out like midoriya
eager, he approaches your room to give you a simple happy birthday— followed by a small shower of kisses
there was only one class for that day, so the rest of the day would’ve been lenient, right? wrong
on the contrary, his plans are disrupted when he sees you scrambled on the floor, notebooks splayed across you, as you memorized various things all at once
“h-hey, happy birthday!” he greets with his usual smile, and it falters slightly when you don’t showcase that delightful smile
“hey eijirou,” you say, eyes glued onto a section of your notebook “apparently, two extra topics were added into the math and physics finals test! and i had no clue!”
eijirou probably should be worried like you, since the written finals exams does somewhat impact his grade— and on top of that, the finals are in 3 days
and he knows that he should let you prepare BUT! it is your birthday,, why should he not celebrate your birthday?
“i feel like you shouldn’t be too worried about it babe, it’s your birthday after all!” he reassures, but he continues before you get to question him “you’re a hard working person, and even if you don’t absorb those extra topics— you could always run to bakugou, or yaoyorozu for a quick run down!”
he’s not wrong
you give a tired smile, a genuine one— which makes him silently cheer out of success “thank you, eijirou. i guess you’re right. it is my birthday, and i should be celebrating.”
and with that, eijirou takes you out for a simple celebration! he’d take you out for some food at a good restaurant, and then he’d take you out on a nice walk— as the both of you ate your dessert
he thinks that the celebration is going smoothly, despite the fact that you seemed fatigued, restless even— just from studying four extra topics back and fourth
otherwise— you seemed happy, eagerly blowing out the candles on the birthday cake the restaurant presented to you, and even grasping his arm closer as you ate your dessert
but it all crumbled down when you got one simple call that afternoon
looking at the caller’s id, it was your mother— who, otherwise would’ve been happy or at least calm on the other side of that phone, but you were greeted with hostility
“what are you doing?” she chides with a brash tone, and you try not to shiver, and when you answered that you were out celebrating with eijirou, she wasn’t pleased
“what?! just because it’s your damn birthday, doesn’t mean you get to relax around, kay? exams are this week! and you’re aware of what’s going to happen if you don’t pass, right?” though she’s not physically there, you can feel her sudden criticism
“..yes, mom.” you decide to take it all in, not wanting to anger her
“good.” and with that, she hangs up without a proper goodbye, the only time she acknowledged the current date was when she was scolding you
you brush it off, when you’re asked if you’re okay— the blatant yelling from your phone being difficult to ignore.
while the two of you start heading back to the dorms, you’re informed of quite the terrible news
“class 1-a, i must apologize since this is abrupt, but your math and physics finals are set to a day in advance, due to an urgent faculty meeting. but we can all assume that all of you have studied the material, right? take care, and don’t be out past curfew.”
this pushes your stress levels over the roof, and you ended up running back to the dorms— just to study the unfamiliar material
being your concerned boyfriend, the red head goes to check on you— only to be saddened to see you in such a distraught state on your bed, tears running down your face as you examined the material through watery eyes
“hey, sweetheart, it’s okay.. it’ll be okay,, i’m sorry that you feel this way, especially since i promised you a good day today!” despite displaying a gentle smile, you could sense that he was feeling terrible too
“don’t apologize,” you wipe your eyes, which only continue to generate more tears “i know you’ve tried, really! and i’m sorry that i had to bring you along. you definitely didn’t need to see all of that.”
he sits next to you on your bed, pulling the covers over your legs “i know it’s just,, i wish i could’ve done something more, y’know? i would’ve helped you study but you know that i’m well,, me!”
you giggle at his insinuation, and he moves closer to you, head leaning on your shoulder “man, i wish i knew what was going through the teachers’ heads. i could’ve— oh wait!”
he springs up, as if he suddenly remembered something important, and he sprints to his room
when eijirou comes back, he’s holding a tiny box, that has a bow— placed neatly on the center of the lid
“open it, babe!” he smiles, “i can’t believe i almost forgot! oh— just open your present!”
and when you open it, you’re ecstatic— unsure how to describe the sudden surge of happiness. “eijirou, you bought me a,, promise ring?”
he kisses your cheek briefly, unable to hide the blush adorning his cheeks “yeah,, you don’t have to accept if you’re not into jewelry! i could just switch it out for something—”
“no no, stop kiri!” you stop him in his tracks “i love it, so much. thank you for everything. especially for cheering the stressed and gloomy person i was today.”
he smiles, “it’s no issue, really. if my Y/N’s happy then i’ll be just as happy.”
and with that, you spent the rest of the day in eijirou’s affectionate arms— and you passed the exams with flying colors because kiri managed to get bakugou to give you a quick run through the day before
likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!
i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby
do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission
#IM SORRY THAT IM LATE ANON#bnha imagines#bnha x reader#mha x reader#mha imagines#bnha x y/n#bnha fluff#midoriya x y/n#midoriya x reader#midoriya imagines#midoriya izuku x reader#izuku midoriya x gn reader#period mention#just REALLY MINOR#kirishima imagines#kirishima headcanons#midoriya headcanons#kirishima x y/n#kirishima x reader#kirishima eijirou x reader#kaminari denki x reader#kaminari x y/n#kaminari x reader#kaminari imagines#kaminari headcanons#bnha headcanons#bnha angst#mha headcanons#mha angst
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I wanna start off by saying that I by no means am an avid Griffith/Femto dudebro defender but the amount of people who constantly look over the pain he went through before he turned into Femto really messes with me.
For starters, I don't understand how people are okay with making memes over Griffith basically selling his body to Gennon. I am not kidding when I tell you that I have came across multiple memes on pintrest how that whole situation made Griffith a "weak little slut" and a "gay femboy".
Also the fact that barley anyone considers this as borderline SA. (considering there was a huge indifference of power and although Griffith gave his body to Gennon physically, I think its clear as day that he didn't want to do it mentally).
And I mean... I shouldn't be surprised considering the amount of people who gloss over the fact that Griffith got tortured for over a year but idk people always tend to diminish Griffiths character so much and it makes me so mad:/
I feel you anon! I totally feel you. It's almost impossible to have a decent conversation about Griffith with anyone that's not in my little Berserk friend circle. I love him but he's not a good person by any means. You won't ever see my trying to say that the Eclipse rape wasn't a terrible act either. He's an extremely complex character that people completely mischaracterize.
I should start off by saying that the Berserk community is not a place for new and different opinions to thrive. If you dare to even voice an opinion or interpretation that's different from what the majority agrees on, you're called all the names in the book and/or you're treated as someone who has a complete lack of critical thinking. The community has such a set in stone opinion about Griffith that any attempt of conversation about him is shut down or becomes an absolute hate fest. People aren't allowed to think for themselves and when they finally do give up and decide to join the others, no other opinion can exist.
Griffith is a heavily queer coded character. Everyone, even the dudebros have picked up on it (although when they talk about it, lots of slurs are thrown around). Throw in the thinly veiled homophobia into the mix of "no other opinions can exist but mine", then you have something pretty vile. People let their hatred of him stop them from genuinely understanding his character. He's the big bad, sure, but compared to antagonists like Darth Vader (who's killed wayyyy more people than Griffith has), he's not allowed to be a nuanced character. So many of Griffith's Golden Age actions are completely misinterpreted and a lot of people tend to shove the stereotype of the predatory gay onto him. He's the big bad gay that wants to control everything and everyone around him, including Guts, the man that dudebros place on an immovable pedestal. He raped Casca too, which was him assaulting Guts' girlfriend/lover. There will be a time where I talk about how in the eyes of the community, Casca isn't a character and instead an extension of Guts.
As for your point about Griffith selling himself, the way people talk about it is not exclusive to Berserk. The particular part Banana Fish fandom has a deep disdain for the character of Yut Lung, and like Griffith, he's unwillingly sold his body. Both Griffith and Yut Lung are severely traumatized by this but it's completely overlooked and mocked in Griffith's case because of people's perceptions of him.
So to answer your ask in short anon, homophobia is the answer.
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