truly cannot tell if lc/nc has been poison or antidote for me LOL

tighnari hcs and scenarios !!

help its been so long since i posted aHhhahshhs i’m sorry my dears :( please give me requests i need them for motivation idk what to write 😭 anyways here’s tighnari to somewhat make up for it :) bc i love the sumeru update too much to not write about my baby. we all need a little tighnari in our lives!

warning(s): fluff. lots…. and some nsfw too.

please he would be so gentle with you if/when you got sick. his tone would be softened and his fingertips would graze your skin with such loving care. would constantly check on you, give you plenty of medicine, and watch you like a hawk to make sure you’re resting enough

i can see him rolling his eyes to a lot of things you say. sometimes mean, but a lot of the times he would simply flick your forehead if you said something dumb to him. and then apologize for getting annoyed immediately afterwards because he loves you too much :(

often times when he’s working, he likes for you to sit near him in the room. whether that’d be on his lap, across from him, wherever. he just wants you close by!! he enjoys when you rub his ears to calm him down during his work !

he would go flower picking with you. enough said.

you want a flower crown made by yours truly? don’t worry, tighnari has you covered !!!

cuddling with this man during the cold? absolutely immaculate. he has those huge ears and that tail to wrap around you. along with his body heat and soft forehead kisses? all for his partner? yes, free therapy please

this man is so overly dramatic about everything. always whining and complaining about the silliest and dumbest of things. even as he lectures others about “acting like an adult,” he acts like a child sometimes when something doesn’t go his way

tighnari is very pro health. on days where you aren’t feeling the best mentally, he’ll try to cheer you up the best he can! he likes taking you near flower garden or waterfalls for the view— and ofc a little picnic for you two with all your favorite goodies and snacks!

omg the way his eyes light up when you allow him to speak about nature. this man would go on a full rant about all sorts of stuff. his anger and concern over withering zones, types of flowers, etc!

he would also be a really good listener. he doesn’t have a way with words but his presence and tender touch is enough to make you melt !

nsfw!!:

honestly i’m getting very vanilla sex vibes from tighnari… but when he’s in heat rip that pussy ayyyy

aftercare is nice with him, but a little strange. i feel like he’d talk about random shit with you while cleaning you off, such as work or something of that nature

he would kiss you sm during the deed omg. this meal of a man asks for CONSENT CONSTANTLY 😩

“does this hurt? i’m so sorry, please tell me if i need to stop, okay, (y/n)?” or “is this okay? does it feel okay?” AHHHHSHSHSHSH

this man would be so obsessed with giving oral. he would do it for hours if he could

if you’re needy and horny while he’s working, don’t worry darling, tighnari won’t make you wait for at least a little release. he would let you sit on his cock. as long as you’re quiet and don’t distract him too much, he’ll help you after he’s not as busy :(

THE LITERAL DEFINITION OF A SOFT DOM.

he could pick up on weak spots and sweet spots pretty easily. and he’d remember them, too

as i said, pretty vanilla, but if you want to try something new, he would love to! he’s all about trying new things and experimenting! we love a learner xoxo

we must protect tighnari forever. tighnari c6 come home.

Top 5 batshit characters you’ve encountered

in Nooooo particular order...hmmm i really gotta think about this cuz i feel there are Easy ones i could list. but then again this isnt objective, nor do i need to dig deep for this to be a nice list. 1. Umataro Tenma

Of course I feel the first i should mention is Umataro Tenma. like I can't start this list off any other way, this man recreated his own son in the form of a robot and then abandoned him when his senses came to him ( but they left as soon as they showed bc man was back on his bullshit next day) like truly. Batshit King. and thats only his most well know Shit. like this one time he deliberately went back in time, i dont even remember what for, i think it was steal the not Yet Awake atom, and his younger self SEES HIM and LIGHTS HIM UP. theyre BOTH batshit young and old

like. i feel like we dont talk about how tenma was strapped enough.

2. Terry Silver

The next batshit queen on my mind recently is none other than Terry Silver. It Is Very Normal And Well Adjusted Behavior to terrorize a teenager, torturing him physically and emotionally, all because your Bestie, Your Cinnamon Fucking Apple, told you to. You know. Very Normal Behavior for people in their idk. 40s. Dude is a coked up billionaire and he wanted to play the part of Humble Down to earth man so well that he bought a beat up truck, all just to fuck with daniel.

And Oh Totally normal to go through extensive therapy, turning your life around and overcoming it all, only for it all to be undone because?? Oh?? My Wrongdoings CAnnot BE UNDONE??? BY SAYING IM SORRY???" like the moment he realized daniel wasnt gonna accept his sorry ass excuse it was Over. 30 years of therapy down the toilet.

3. Diva

Here's a more tragic one. The me from 6 years ago would kill me right now for even posting her face because I use to be SUCH a stickler for spoilers regarding her but idc right now

ANYWAY shes for real batshit and shes one of those characters who you can be sympathetic towards, the tragedy of knowing how she got to be this way but god you deserve everything coming to you. There are many things she does as truly batshit but an often forgotten one is stealing the shoes of a man she just killed. And she's later shown putting them on, before continuing her killing spree and doing something that altered the trajectory of the story forever

she also has an operatic voice, which her singing alone is an omen for bad things to come

4. The Monarch

This is a more recent one as rock had showed me The Venture Brothers and i hate this man. I hate him and i love him. I don't have much to say other than i want to bully him I genuinely want to bully him

hes just so pathetic. he didnt want rusty getting therapy because he couldnt shit on his day , because well...he was in therapy and theres rules, so he killed his therapist so he'd be free. to. Shit on his day like i dont kno waht to tell you.

5.Hannibal

this one may feel cheap but understand that like. him being batshit is the greatest thing ever .and hes def one of my favs in terms of being batshit. he made the show such a wild ride and like Cookie I am Looking at you we WILL watch Hannibal (tv show) idk wanna say anything else for spoilers but yeah theres some batshit characters for u

this whole post will be about sam and the tarot reading i did on him. i figured i would separate the readings into snc, sam, and then colby just bc i have so much to say.

so if you wanna know what sam's gonna be going thru and his love life… read on.

disclaimer: i understand there are ppl/fans that do tarot readings and personally don't believe that you can do a reading on someone that didn't a) agree to one or b) isn't there with you. and while i understand that, i just need everyone to know that this is just for fun. i go into with all the positivity, and this is really just for me in the end. i never claim to be right, i'm not pretending that this is the truth. this is just for entertainment purposes only. if you don't like it, feel free to not read. please take whatever i say in this post with a grain of salt.

(the other readings will be at the bottom)

please read snc's reading first bc that's where i explain the cards/deck.

for sam's reading, the first question i asked was how is he doing currently?

i find it intriguing that he's going thru a lot of physical change as showed in the cards; that aligns with him working out a lot more and really physically pushing himself. all of that is great and he seems to find solace in doing all of this. but i have an inclination that all of this physical work is just a mask for how he's truly feeling.

the first card: recognition and reward. this is about him finally getting his flowers for all of the work he's doing. i feel like while this could just mean literally (aka he's looking a lot better bc he's working out so much or him starting therapy) i think this also applies to the business side of his life. i think he's getting recognized - maybe by peers, business partners, colby - for stepping up and doing a good job. this could also be about the fans noticing him more, which is always a positive thing.

second card: mental conflict. this is not the last time this card shows up for sam. it also appears in his love life reading which makes total sense. as i've mentioned before, snc don't really express emotionally what's going on with them. and i'm not asking them to do that with fans all the time or even ever. but while you can lie to fans, you can't lie to yourself. i think interestingly neither snc like being pitied, so all of this bad shit happening to them and then having fans reach out - i think - is a bit overwhelming to them. to relate this back to sam, he's going thru it. while he might be physically moving forward, mentally he's stuck. there's a lot going on in his head, and he's not entirely sure how to take the next steps.

third card: fulfillment of wishes. this is a really good card, and it's even better bc it's about emotionally feeling fulfilled as well as in general life. good things are coming sam's way. he might be able to finally catch a break mentally and emotionally, which will lift a weight off of his shoulders.

fourth card: intuition. major arcana card, similar to the high priestess. this card says this is a time to rely on your intuition - take pause, be open, pay attention. now, idk if sam in his life uses his intuition all that often. he feels like the type to only use logic and just "what do i need to get done today". while all of that is fine, this might be the time for him to really hone in on his gut feelings and see life thru those eyes, rather his usual.

fifth card: positive movement forward. this card appeared in snc's reading, so it's nice to see in sam's daily life he will also be experiencing this soon. like i mentioned, this is just about good things coming into your life, and you pushing forward with the things you've wanted to do.

final card: financial and material change. this isn't a great card, but it's not the worse card. this card also appears in colby's reading as well. so i have a feeling that bc things are working well for snc, they might take some risks when it comes to their money, and it won't work out for them. i don't see it being a major loss, just a loss. so it could be a business venture not coming to fruition or something falling apart that causes them to lose money.

overall for sam, i see him in this really weird spot in his life. i think a lot about his life has changed drastically, and this is the time for him to really notice what that means. what is now gone, and how can you move on without it? good things are gonna be coming his way, but if he's too focused on what is now gone, he's not gonna appreciate all the good things. and sam has admitted to this to some degree, so it doesn't seem too far off base.

after this reading, i of course had to ask "how is sam's love life doing/going to be the rest of this year?" what's interesting is that when i asked about this, it took a while for any cards to really jump out, and i really had to dig and ask for more cards. this, to me, shows that sam has this part of himself closed off - which makes total sense. he's going thru it, and maybe doesn't want to explore this side yet. but once he does, this is what he might go thru:

first card: accelerated motion. this card is showing that things are clear for take off for sam. when relating that to his love life, it's clear that this is the time for him to work on himself. your love life is not only who you are dating, but also who you love in general. and you know who probably gets the least amount of love in sam's life? himself. i think this the sign for him to work on himself, that he will have time to really sit down and think thru everything. or will have to make time.

second card: authority. this is a major arcana card, related to the emperor card. this card also appears in colby's reading. i think what's interesting about this card is that it's about honing in your problem solving skills, becoming a leader. but the booklet also says that this can represent a father figure in your life or someone you are close to that is logical. so, i think this card, relating to sam's love life, is showing that he's going to rely on colby or maybe his dad to help him figure himself out. or at least, he might be coming to them with questions that he needs help answering when it comes to the internal shit he's experiencing.

third card: spiritual union. so, when i initially saw this card, it made me immediately think "oh this is about kat" bc this card represents emotional bonds. but i think this card is about ALL emotional bonds sam has in his life. something interesting the booklet says for this card is "relationships are mirror images of your own life". and i've never really thought about that before, but it makes total sense. sam has talked about how he wants to be a better partner, a better friend, a better coworker, a better everything. and i think this card shows that he's gonna tap into his emotional bonds and really pay attention to them, and i'll explain that further in the next card.

fourth card: mental conflict. again, this card came up for sam before. see, this is my theory so obviously idk how correct i am - while sam has definitely taken the steps to better himself and to really work on himself, i don't know how far that journey has actually been. you can say you're working on yourself but not do anything. and i think this card shows that NOW (or later this year) sam will actually sit down and really explore that side of himself. and i think he's gonna realize "holy shit, maybe i wasn't the nicest" or "oh, that was a moment i could have done better" and i think that's gonna cause a lot of mental conflict within himself. no one wants to look at the darker parts of themselves for a laundry list of reasons. but i think for sam to get better, like he claims he wants to, he's gonna have to. and he probably won't like what he finds.

fifth card: heart chakra. i very rarely get chakra cards when i use this deck, so i always find them fascinating. so when chakra cards appear, it's usually a sign that you need to center that part of yourself. that that part is out of whack and you should do something to engage in that area of your body. as the card is about your heart, it obviously applies to your relationships. but one of the main things this card can also mean is HEALING and FORGIVENESS. see, while it's easy to sometimes shit on yourself and blame yourself for everything that went wrong in a situation, you have to extend that belief to also forgiving yourself. you can't change the past, but you can forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness to help yourself move on. and i think this will happen for sam. however i think this (and the next card) are gonna take a while. maybe a couple months, maybe a year or so. it's gonna be a long journey, but it's gonna be worth it.

final card: spiritual strength. this is a great card for sam to end on. this is showing that all his hard work is gonna pay off and that now he has the right tools to heal and move forward. while all the work he put into himself was rough, it was worth it, bc now he's coming out a better and new sam.

for sam's love life, i expected it to be rough - and it definitely is. i don't see him getting a gf anytime soon (obviously) bc he has so much healing and inner work to do. it's gonna take a while for him to feel completely comfortable with himself and this side of his life. but it will be worth it in the end. i can see him really sitting down and working thru everything, and god knows there is a lot of back up that he's been putting off for a while. sam has outright said he's focused more on work than his own life and those around him, and i think this will be the time he truly realizes what that meant. how often did he ignore those that needed him? how many times was he too focused on something that in the long run didn't matter? there's a lot of unanswered things he will have to dig to find. he might reconnect with kat just to help explore that, see what went wrong. and while that will be painful and emotional, it's better to get it done than to be left up in the air. it's gonna be a struggle bus for him for a while, but it will be so good in the end.

<< snc's reading || colby's reading >>

hi! this is in response to your earlier post about inadequacy, mental health, etc. so absolutely feel free to not post this (or even read it) if you don't feel comfortable

I just wanted to say that I have had very similar feelings and when I read the last bit of your post where you spoke about finally changing those habits and not always trying to be accommodating to other people when it hurts you or when it's contrary to who you really are... whoo boy did I feel that 😭 I had never really thought about it that way before, so your post was so incredibly eye-opening and now I'm having a little bit of an existential crisis (but I good one, I promise!)

bc idk I just can't ever be mean or even like slightly contrary to anyone. it even got to the point where I was going thru some really serious mental health stuff and when I told people about it after the fact they were like "oh really? I never would have known bc you were always smiling and so happy all the time." and I think your post gave words to that feeling of incongruity in a way I couldn't.

when I was helping clean out my grandmother's house I found a letter she had written to her psychiatrist in maybe like the 60s where she basically said "I believe I'm a likable person and I can get anyone to like me if I try hard enough." and when I tell you I cried right then and there. just as you described, I felt like I've always been trying to make myself as "perfect" and "nice" as possible to that people like me and don't get mad at me. but it's both so comforting and so heartbreaking to know that my grandmother experienced something similar over half a decade ago. idk if that helps at all to make you feel less alone and/or isolated with your feelings about this, so sorry if that's too much!

I'm so sorry for just rambling, I really didn't want to make this too much about me but I just wanted to let you know that you are totally and completely not alone and I am so incredibly proud of you for healing and growing into the person that you've always felt you were.

my grandmother is about the sweetest person I've ever met, and I absolutely know that she would never want you or me to feel like we weren't enough, so I guess even though you don't know her, I absolutely know that she is so proud of you for fighting to be yourself in a way that she wasn't given the opportunity to

yeah again, sorry. I feel like I'm just rambling and I'm not sure if this is like helpful at all. so sorry to like have therapy in your ask box (I have a therapist, I promise) I just wanted you to know that you're not alone and that your words resonated with me very deeply. I hope you're able to continue giving yourself grace and space and warmth and love as you continue to grow and discover your truest self. sending so much love ❤️

Hey, anon, don't ever apologize for sending this kind of stuff in. I realize that when I open up online about things like that that are especially vulnerable, I'm opening myself up to potentially getting responses in that same vein. And I promise you, when I do get those responses, it's usually very gratifying. I'm including the rest of my response underneath the cut lol to spare my mutuals. Love you guys!! ❤️

Of course it's sad knowing that my feelings are ones that a lot of other people share. But there's a lot of comfort in knowing that while the human experience is vast and undefinable, when we do understand one another, I think that's when the magic of humanity happens. So, truly, I appreciate you taking the time to reach out and I'm glad my words could speak to you in any.

That being said, boy, do I get that bit about people just simply not knowing or not being able to tell when there's something going on with you. So often I faced that kind of isolation from friends? Like there were moments where I had people doubt that I was actually struggling that much because I simply didn't talk about things? And like, yeah, communicating with your friends is important but so are trust and understanding and compassion?

And another thing, it's so strange because sometimes I kind of forget that even people less than a century ago probably also felt a little bit crazy sometimes? Especially AFAB folks; not only because of misogyny but also the stigma around mental health. I think in that way we're kind of lucky. Like of course, just because we're in the here and now, it doesn't mean that the here and now is perfect. But sometimes I think back to the experiences that our mothers, grandmothers, and all of the grandmothers before them had? And how those experiences have only become more complicated as time and the world have both progressed?

I'm so sorry that you've held this burden for so long. And I want you to know that not being able to meet that impossible standard isn't a sign of any sort of failing on your part. You are allowed to feel how you feel. You are allowed to be human. You are allowed to be a fully fleshed human being with your own personality. You are allowed to like yourself as you are. And you are allowed to want to grow for yourself. You deserve to like yourself–to love yourself, anon. Thank you for sharing all of this. I hope you're taking care of yourself too. I love you and wish you all the best. 💞✨

spent so much money on skin care and makeup and im going so crazy over not being as active last year but idk if im burnt out but im just not losing weight the way i used to and idc as much but i do but also im in my last two weeks of undergrad what the fuckity fuck and i wanna do well and im resigniing from all my jobs and i need to find a job but no ones getting back to me and its so exhausting and im so tired and so done and its so hard to make friends but i dont even want that many friends but i feeel like i neeed friends bc im 22 and time is running out i mean i know its not but it feels like it bc i guess im comparing myself to everyone and i dont have it figured out idek who i am how am i supposed to know what to do with life if feel the weight of the entire world on me my 20s was supposed to be fun and figuring myself out but why does it feel like hell why does just enjoying my time feel like torture maybe its bc im so focused on the idea of enjoying my time im not realizing that the times im supposed to enjoy my time im worrying about enjoying my time so im wasting my enjoyed time on stressing and its making me feel like im wastiig my time and why do i feel like this im only 22 but also how am i 22 i was only 18 yesterday and 16 the day before when did this all happen why am i closer to 30 than 13 why are my friends talking about getting engaged why is everyone moving out why cant i move out without the gut wrenching feeling of leaving my family behind i was supposed to get close to them by now but im now i have independence but i dont i wanna leave this city but ill leave a part of me behind like an unfinished chapter that i forcefully ended i need to finish this chapter and make amends with the past and unlearn my trauma responses and forgive myself but how am i supposed to do all that and also become the girl of my dreams and who even is the girl of my dreams she changes after meeting every new person that enters her life or when shes infatuated by a new character or influencer who makes their life seem like a fairytale but anyway theyre all bullshit anyway social media is fucking fake everyone wants to seem perfect and put together and happy and for what?? whatver man whatever makes you cope i mean if i looked perfect and was rich i guess id do it too and it would be nice to get paid for being fake perfect but who wants to be fake perfect anyway i cant imagine living my life and making money based on how other people perceive me i cant imagine what that would do to ones self esteem oh wait i already do that except i dont get paid huh funny isnt it anyway i have a headache and im so so so sleepy these days like my system is running on cbd maybe i shouldnt have bought a pack of 50 edibles but my antidepressants arent doing jack shit but making me feel horrible so its weed or its anxiety man i wish therapy was free where am i gunna go whwen i graduate i need a psychiatrist but theyre held up until next year i need it so just stop man oh wait i just got an email my sephora order is shipped im happy now

aya

i've been thinking that i should get more involved in aya stuff and address my own issues surrounding my cancer. i've really been pushing aside feelings and not making the time or space to reflect on it. it's really easy for me to do. i have lots of friends and tv and books to fill my time with. it's much easier to get lost in a story than in my real life. but maybe i shouldn't. it's probs not good in the long run.

idk if im ready to go back to therapy yet. but i was thinking i could start to journal and self reflect more as an alternative.

im also signing up for more aya things. some webinars, yoga, writing prompts.

everyone keeps saying it's good to build a network of people who are aya and can truly understand what you're going thru. i guess. idk. i kinda shout my issues into the void of the internet and get it out that way. but i think writing a real article and getting it posted/published in elephants and tea would be cool.

i've been reading more elephants and tea stories and there are always a few themes that i dont/cant relate to. the main thing is finding a new normal. what's wrong with my old normal. i loved my old normal. and im kinda back at it. with some limitations but those are gonna be gone really soon. it's just meds and follow up appointments. not being in crowded places and stuff. it's not crazy different from what my life used to be like. plus i respawned back to stanford right at Q1 so it's like im redoing last year. i feel very normal too. no symptoms plaguing me. maybe just fatigue and tbh who isn't tired. i donno. i just dont think that i need a new normal. my normal is just fine the way it is.

one of the things that i was really missing that i used to love doing a lot is shopping a westfield valley fair. i looooooved that mall. and it was so fun to go there to decompress after work. i liked shopping for new clothes or just window shopping, walking around, getting a salted pretzel, going to the movies by myself. it was like my therapy. i loved going to the mall alone with my headphones in. and this weekend nathan took me there! it was different than before bc now the construction is done and they make you pay for parking. but the mall is soooooo nice. i still get lost even tho i would go there all the time. there's new shops too. but my all time fav has always and will forever be cotton on. i've been looking at people creating capsule wardrobes of staple basic classic things that they can easily combine with other items in their closet and i realized that i dont have that. but i want to! so i hella splurged. i made a list of the ideal items i wanted and what stores i wanted to hit. everyone loves artizia so i wanted to go there too. but i ended up finding all of the pieces that i wanted at cotton on and a&f. it was wild. when i got home i took out some clothes that i would donate to make room for my new stuff. and the pieces that really stuck around were other shirts and jeans that i got from cotton on in the past. it's really been a great store for me. their jeans are always a great length. their shirts are super soft and slim. i feel confident in their stuff. i usually dont shop at a&f but tiktok has been talking about nonstop. so i went and they had some good items too. i finally got some beige trousers! and a stain black dress. im very excited to wear these.

one thing that i want to do but i know i cant yet is go to more concerts/raves. i wanna dress up and look hot and feel care free and young and enjoy time with my friends. a list:

-portola fest sf -cochella -hard summer -vegas -outside lands -lollapaloozaa

i'll try out the journaling more and also the aya events. maybe i'll like it.

gonna try and do more of courtney does too:

let my self feel > notice how im feeling > ID what is causing those feelings

omy, reading #series : sincerely not made me feel all sorts of things.

one thing that struck me is how sera and gojo are inherently selfish. they seems to claim how mc is stopping their love and everything, but in actuality, they’re doing it themselves? it seems like they’re projecting all their trauma and problems on mc, and that’s a big nono for me.

the thing is, their love could have worked out if they tried harder? yes classism exists, but if they truly loved each other, they could have made it worked. they believe they’re selfless, and use mc as a tool, because it’s her fault that they’re love couldn’t work out.

but what they don’t realise is that it never worked out before.

i like to believe that love isn’t eternal, it’s a mutual exchange of benefits and support. their love is fueled by a dream, and a dream alone. it’s like a bubble, pretty, but inevitable that it’s gonna pop. it’s just not realistic in the long-term, and the lack of ability to see that does not spell well for all three of them in total.

idk, i love mc, but i feel bad for her. comparatively. she’s much more mature than sera and gojo. but this only makes things harder because she’s so acutely aware of everything, while they’re not. she’s no seen as a person by either sera or gojo, and i think everyone should be aware of that. they’re both using her, directly or indirectly, and that’s absolutely heartbreaking.

all in all, i just wanna give mc a big hug, because i don’t think this situation is in anyway her fault. so what if she’s rich and wealthy? it doesn’t invalidate her struggles nor her feelings, and i think a lot of people just sympathise with sera because she’s pitiful. sera even sympathise said with herself lmao, and i’m calling her out bc she’s victimising herself.

in conclusion : they need therapy pls

oh my god ‼️ i love the way you worded everything, they just hit in the right places. especially the one where you talked about the dream? facts.

i think i answered a similar ask before but gojo and sera are unrealistic and would not work in the long run bc they live different worlds — yes it’s nice to think of how beautiful their forbidden love is, but it’s too much of a fairytale to actually happen. whereas in a real world setup, gojo and y/n are more likely to end up bc whether they admit it or not, rich people like exclusivity. it’s just easier to be w someone who has the same status bc affluent families are all for connections. even gojo himself loves how people respected him more now that he’s married to y/n.

idk i kinda just wanna break free from the usual concept when it comes to stories with themes like these. i know people relate to sera more but isn’t it interesting to see the rich girl’s point of view as well? :)

Hiii!! I couldn’t resist and read all the spoilers you posted lmao 😂😂 thank you for posting them!!! But as you’ve finished the book- do you think there was a lot of juicy dan stuff in it? He kept saying there would be but I saw some perhaps questionable anons on some other accounts saying that it was all stuff we’d know already. What are your thoughts?

So I’m bundling these just bc it’s easier lol hope this helps!

It’s not a memoir, he didn’t get into salacious deets— but it’s not a wellness brochure promising a little yoga and celery and deep breathing will magically cure you either. he was personable and chaotic :’)

There were definitely moments he bared his soul, but it wasn’t an exclusive tabloid scoop, if that makes sense. It wasn’t “you won’t believe who Dan’s been sending nudes to” and “this relative said a ~slur~🤭” and “top five youtubers dan will NEVER collab with again!”

And the therapies/exercises were semi-familiar to me but explained in such a helpful way that like ,, I might actually effectively use them. Like instead of my therapist saying “just pay attention to your body when it tenses” and me saying “..okay?”

I also can’t praise enough that I think it’s so appropriately paced for what is immediate concerns (coming down from a panic attack) to turning point concerns (exiting a depressive episode) to long term concerns (meds and lifestyle and non-linear healing)

He wasn’t lying about the number of Easter eggs which us in the know ,, will know akdjf but I also think the general public will find it so damn helpful for what it is

there was A Lot about financial insecurity, which we like /knew/ about his upbringing and student loans and moving to london broke, but it just really put into context for me that like ,, until tabinof they were living off ramen and still not making rent :( which idk I knew they moved as a risk but then I assumed working for the bbc paid Something! It gave really good context for their work work work anxiety ;__; and it stopped any like “poor little rich boy” the mean corners of my mind would’ve wanted to pull forth, in a similar way to when he’d mention “and I’m British so I know I’m privileged to have health care, and I’m a white guy so I’m given systematic advantages in that way, other people will have additional hurdles and that simply isn’t fair” which was always a nice reality check

there was a bit about the canceled Philippine ii show which we all at the time assumed was a customs issue, and it kinda was but it was even Bigger than we thought, like all the stage equipment was detailed and the crew and them were detained and they couldn’t talk about it publicly and dan went into problem solving mode while Phil and the crew panicked and he admits like ,, he could’ve just panicked with them. It was a very panic-worthy moment, there was nothing HE could do to solve the problem! :( like I don’t want to say the Asian phannies who traveled very far specifically for that show had no right to be upset by the last minute change, I’m saying dnp don’t do things flippantly or callously and this is a really large scale example of how some things are simply out of their hands

he talked about making online friends on guild wars and how hard that is to make those specific friends but he did what we all do: scream at people and hope they like us lol and some of them did, some were weird, some ghosted him, and he’s got some he talks to all the time and who love him and check up on him and it reminded me so much of how us dumb phannies are and I hope he understands he and Phil have given us that :’’)

There was a lot of anecdotes that like the examples above we ~knew~ about, but now there’s a clearer and more human picture 🥺 stuff about his dad and about his “gonna get out of this small town!” compartmentalization and about his many many visits w doctors and therapists til he found the right ones, and so much more. It wasn’t necessarily brand new stuff he was offering unless Dan is new to you — what he gave was “Daniel and Depression: Extended Edition” and “Basically I’m Gay: Extended Edition” woven between genuinely digestible mental health exercises and contextual validation. Which makes sense, this isn’t a book Just for us, it’s gotta be accessible to more than his core audience, and saying things like “juicy” and “tea” might be kind of just promo language depending on what you’re looking for when he says something like that. But :’) I found it really satisfying. And it’s okay if you don’t, but I hope you do or at least helpful/enjoyable/interesting on whatever level you end up engaging with the text

It was good ;__; It wasn’t the big tell-all memoir I’m counting on him releasing for free as a pdf in 45 years, sure, but it was still very intimate and personable and Very Dan between the techniques and terminology ✨

The Bad Batch: IMO

So! I watched the Bad Batch! TL;DR at the end 🙃

Ngl, and please don't bash me for this, but I haven't actually finished TCW? My mom and I are still only a couple episodes into season 1, but we're also trying to watch the episodes in chronological order, not release order, plus we're both busy people, so. Kinda hard. Means I haven't watched Season 7, yet, ergo I haven't watched the episode where we meet the Bad Batch. But like anyone embroiled in this fandom, I still know a fair bit about them/what happens.

I'm a little disappointed that Crosshair is the bad guy. Like, I get he's cranky? And I'm all for angst for any character, but, like. Based off the explanation they give in-show, Wrecker would have been an equally valid choice for the chip sorta working, imo. More valid, even, bc his genetic mutation has less to do with his brain directly in the same way Tech's, Hunter's, and Crosshair's mutations do.

Speaking of Wrecker, the Big Brute act? Nah. Not A Fan. I have multiple relatives on the spectrum (ASD), and I was honestly expecting Wrecker to come across like my brother does? i.e. he understands better if we don't layer our conversation with sarcasm/implications/subtext? But that doesn't make him dum, just less socially... proficient? ept? Smooth as everyone else.

Kay. Now, touching on the whitewashing, since this topic is gonna be everywhere. Look, I absolutely 100% agree that Filoni did us Dirty with how the clones all look. Echo, my poor child, you should have more melanin. Everyone, unless you have specific mutations, should have more melanin. They should also look younger, look more like Temuera, etc. etc. But. I don't stan hate of anyone on this blog, okay? We don't know why the choice to whitewash was made. I don't agree with it, but we shouldn't just hate on Filoni for that. In regards to the BB specifically, yes they could have chosen to alter appearances to be more politically correct. Consider though: identical art style connects BB directly back to TCW; art style makes the character immediately more familiar to younger/older/less involved viewers who otherwise won't have much of an opinion on the Dirty done. Please also consider that someone on the production team may have wanted to do right by our boys but for whatever reason were unable to this or the first time around, and that doesn't automatically make it Filoni's fault. Just... don't judge? Don't hate. There's enough of that in the world that I'll happily settle for disappointment and correcting my art to reflect what I believe the clones should have looked like.

Full disclosure, I in fact created a cis-female clone character a couple months ago. She was part of the Alpha batch and the first female mutation, and the trainers, looking upon her as lesser, took to calling her Omega as an insult. After proving she was very much a BAMF, she chose the name Oma and later became the Alpha trainer of other clones with mutations, including several with different intensities of albanism, vitiligo, neurodivergency, Force sensitivity, etc. I really like her and think she's a cool gal. (I don't have any art of her yet, unfortunately.)

On Omega: I adore her, okay? I love how she was copying Hunter it was so cute - akaskdjhf. And, like, is she Force Sensitive? Oh please oh please oh please let her be.

Now, I've seen some stuff about how another Dirty was done in 'bending over backwards' to make her female when she could have just been trans? Alright, look, I'm not gonna disagree, because you're right, but I also refuse to agree, because look: cloning isn't an exact science, even for the Kaminoans. Look at all the mutations they had. From what I understand (I'm no expert, so don't quote me on this, but also feel free to drop me some resources), it's not impossible, improbable, or unreasonable to assume that amongst alllll the clones created, a small percent didn't mutate female. Assuming that Jango was Near-Human, at least (the Kaminoans could have altered the alien DNA out of the base coding), the clones would have started as female fetuses before the Y-chromosome kicked in, right? That's how that works for us regular humans afaik. On top of that, there are exceptions to that rule, because then you have other mutations like mutations in the SRY gene or variations in the number of the sex chromosomes themselves, etc. Basically what I'm getting at is that there should have been more cis-fem clones, but chances are most of them were decommed or forced to undergo trans therapy (is that what you call it? Idk, I'm sorry, don't mean to offend). Omega most likely wasn't engineered to be female; she probably had extra mutations on top of that to make her more desirable to the Kaminoans to keep around for study (e.g. her Force sensitivity???).

On a final note, to end this with my Writer Brain, I would love to see them portray the side-affects of their mutations. Just - chef's kiss.

TL;DR: Dirties were done. Wrecker isn't stupid. Crosshair probably wasn't the best choice for villain, though Angst is Life and is Good. Whitewashing is a problem, but I am Aware of it and can keep myself from making the same mistakes while still enjoying SW content. And while it would have been nice to see a trans clone character, it's okay that Omega isn't, because the choice actually makes sense bc of Science. Have a lovely day :)

how many wips do you have? like what are they all, and not the number of wips in a fandom? what are all the names?

okay. fuck you. fuck you so much. fuck you.

i’m putting this under a read more cut no one else deserves to see this shit. a lot of these are requests, and for those i will just write out the request itself

Shadowhunters:

domestic polycule fluff with tem, jessa, and will because im not a coward

Supernatural

- hehe hoho i request destiel hehehe

- request 61/? cai cai cai cai i need you to rewrite the destiel scene but yk. GOOD. not like i'm in the know about the spn fandom or anything, it's been years for me. but DO IT

Bright Sessions

- caleb/adam grisha AU

- mark bryant vs. united states aka sue the AM

- caleb/adam college fluff

Umbrella Acaademy

- request 31/? i want a ben and klaus drabble please spare me some brotherly bickering

- AND SO BEGINS NIGHT 4 with request 13/? oooh oooh can i get a raymond and allison playlist??? i think their vibes together would SLAP

- hi there night 2 is technically morning 3 but who's counting not me anyway request 5/? can i get a ben moodboard? gotta rep my tua bb

Percy Jackson

- request 9/? can i get a percabeth moodboard or quote edit?? like god they're the og couple goals take me back to high school cai

- For the 100 follower things :D Jercy getting caught in the rain

- request 29/? a drabble about literally anything to do with pjo. i’ll be happy with anyone and anything i’m love these children

- *somersaults in like I’m a real fancy acrobat* hello ello ello may I request some camp half blood chaos possible involving *does a flip* ✨side characters✨ <3

Penumbra Podcast 

- request 52/? drabble about the penumbra podcast. this is for ren bc ren likes it and i don't actually know anything about it. juno? i think? that's the one ren likes. write it for ren

- Tpp ghost hunting / buzzfeed unsolved au

- sad juno smut

- final resting place fic go brrrr

Marvel

- request 6/? i'm going to my roots y'all can i get a spider-man playlist? if not a playlist then i'd honestly be happy with literally anything involving spider-man

- request 15/? i'm going crazy this is recorded evidence of me actually losing it ANYWAY can i get a quote edit for something from iron man? literally anything that man says is gold so cai's choice :D he deserved better in endgame i'm still bitter

- request 42/? do another spidey thing that differs from the other spidey thing

- request 73/? you have Opinions. rant about infinity way and/or endgame. go.

- request 74/? quote edit for deadpool!!

- spideytorch relationship character study

- peter parker as a tired grad student monitoring the young avengers (send help)

Six of Crows

- okay listen i wasn't going to request anything bc i worry about you but also? if you want to/have the time hit me with a playlist for our girl nina zenik

- request 43/? fuckin give me the ending anya should have had. she is alive and with her new son and having a great time

- request 45/? inej moodboard?

- request 47/? will you make literally any meme of your choosing for six of crows?

- request 48/? write a drabble for kaz, my favorite bastard

- okay so i don't actually like nina or mattias that much but i still wanna hear about your thoughts (and also see if you'll change my mind)

- kaz brekker turning 18 fic. birthday party, everyone singing, whole shebang. i need it stat

- religious trauma fic aka i started shipping kaz/alina/inej and i can’t stop

- kaz trauma soup (he has D.I.D. and you can’t prove me wrong)

- my two redacted fics for @grishaversebigbang​

- wesper fake dating

- six of crows bright sessions crossover: everyone gets therapy

TMA

- uhh... s1 gang having a nice time? melanie getting to have some Pride™️? some "fun" horror thing?

- request 7/? spare steph and jason bonding? please sir? spare some for a humble child such as myself?

- okay so this was meant for night 3 but i had midterm shit SO this is honorary night 3 let's DO THIS request 8/? i want a moodboard of extremely out of context magnus archives shit like i mean confuse the FUCK out of me i don't go here i know Nothing about it

- request 11/? OKAY so i need tim stoker meeting tim drake now i need my timmy to meet your tim plus i want to see character differences no i'm not trying to create a tim stoker in my head so i can read a's fic while NOT thinking of tim drake whaaaaaat you're crazy

- request 18(i think)/? i need a quote edit of every time within the first like. 15 eps of tam where jon is like “sounds fake but go off” thank u bb

- request 40/? i challenge you to write a tma drabble based only on the episodes i've heard. i'm currently halfway through episode 23

- Jon being lovingly bullied into taking a break. I'm aware this has been written a million times but it is one of my favorite things.

- spiral!sasha AU

- extinction martin go brrrrr

- high school era timsasha. they've both been friends for years, and everyone always asks when they will be a couple. they decide to fake date, to prove everyone wrong and show what a bad couple they would be. turns out that's a bit trickier than they thought

- after sasha comes back, tim is broken. he can't let go, scared that if he looks away for even a minute he'll lose her again. sasha suggests shibari as a way for him to give up control

- sasha pov mag 19 au, sacrificing herself to save the others, knows that if she gives herself up to the not!them it will let the others live

- this is the "tim finds a polaroid of sasha" trope

- early archives days,, long nights in research,,, clothes sharing,, somft. late nights and falling asleep at their desks warm and safe in the other's presence

- two parts: timsasha as kids, each picking a constellation that is "theirs". just soft kid antics. tim at sasha's grave glancing up to see their constellations

- continuing your job’s a joke (you’re broke)

DC Comics

- TIMSTEPH HADESTOWN AU,,,

- my redacted fic for @batfam-big-bang​

- request for you to get a decent amount of sleep? serious answer, dickkori, SAL's Venus

- request 4/? timsteph morning after 👀 mayhaps?

- a concept: nonbinary stephanie brown

- teehee hi mom, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but can i request damian angst for your accomplishments 100 followers?

- hi you can ignore my first request if you want, or you can ignore this one. but bls possibly write some bikini ra’s? -the bikini bitch

- request 27/? jay is asking through me for a jondami playlist but tbh i also want it so win win yk?

- "I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does" with bruce and jason? im just craving bruce being a good day to jason for once

- “I am putting you in time out because you need to understand the consequences of your actions.” with steph and jason as dumbass disaster bi best friends pretty please?

- request 32/? timsteph patrol date!!!

- request 33/? timsteph *gala* date? mayhaps??

- request 37/? tim drake drabble but make it Edgy cai

- request 39/? drabble of a prank war between tim and damian

- joyfire cuddly fluff please? or like just any outlaw fluff if joyfire isnt your thing (feel free to add every member of the outlaws, dont feel like u gotta stick with jason, kori, roy i love them all)

- barbara and robin! jason fluff? bonding over books or something?

- request 62/? i need a drabble about the chaotic trio jason, tim, and steph i'm love them ty

- request 63/? batfam x mcu crossover. batfam meets ironfam. give me ALL the cliches. ALL OF THEM

- request 64/? young justice x young avengers - jay cuz idk SHIT about the young avengers

- request 66/? jondami moodboard pls and ty

- request 67/? timsteph moodboard!!!!!!

- request 69/? HEHEHE kinky 😏 i would v much like a timsteph drabble of the almost first time. does that make sense? like i don't want you to go all the way NSFW cuz i know that's against the rules and i'm a rule follower. but like they *almost* go all the way. this could be fade to black or some shit i don't care just make it a lil steamy and have Fun

- i request damian angst! all of it

- hmm... maybe i request? jondami?

- mayhaps,,,,some batfam,,,,,committing crimes? ily be gay do crime <3 - lu

- How about a ficlet with Steph and Cass?

Found Family Bingo Prompts

- no powers au

- tunnel

- first day

- join the club

- hurt/comfort

- experiment

- playing favorites

- hold on

- possession

- 10 o’clock

- singing

- road

- snitch

- curfew

- timer

- fantasy au

- zombie au

- dreams

- campfire

- are you okay

- movie night

- games

- scared

Miscellaneous

- a request: Write A Drabble, Coward

- is it too late to request a moodboard for me?

- request 20/? i’m going off book because i’m in a Chaotic Mood™️ can you just absolutely vibe check me like go off cai demolish me

- request 21/? i formally request that you pick a favorite cai. i don’t care what that favorite pertains to, just pick a favorite something

- request 23/? roast me

- request 24/? can i have a buzzfeed unsolved spoopy playlist but spoiler alert it’s not spoopy bc shane doesn’t believe does this make sense it has been a Day™️

- request 25/50 i want a jake and amy fic make it Soft cai i’m love them b99 is so good

- request 28/? i know nothing about the lord of the rings so make something that will confuse the shit out of me

- request 34/? malvie and jaylos moodboards 😈

- request 35/? a moodboard for the bbb mods!! perceive all of us!!!

- request 36/? moodboard for the tua mods too???? mayhaps??

- request 41/? doctor WHO? idk but i want a drabble of him and the one character i know from doctor who which is rose

- request 46/? make an alignment meme with our group, have fun!!!

- request 49/? i want you to kin assign me a character from every fandom you can/want to. go feral

- request 50!!!!/? this is a special request. the most special request. can you make a bastards tbh playlist? i want our vibes encapsulated. i want us in music form. i want to hear those songs and be like "that's me and cai" and smile.

- requests 51/? i know jack shit about good omens. explain it to me in the most confusing way possible. make me know less by the end than i know now

- request 53/? can you write a mel aesthetic? i'm Curious

- request 54/? give me a list of book recs cai i want some good book recs pls

- request 56/? edit a picture of US together too

- request 58/? oooh can i have a disney edit? like. hm. i just really love disney and i want anything to do with disney. like a quote or an aesthetic or an aesthetic edit i just want disney.

- request 59/? i would v much like a recipe for carbonara. i've never had it but it sounds fucking delicious

- request 60/? ooh hey can i get a makeup tutorial? i know you like makeup, i'm shit at doing makeup. teach me

- request 65/? i need the most emo playlist you can make that vibes with dear evan hansen thank you

- request 68/? i want a superwholock moodboard. this can be serious, with the actual fandoms in mind, or literally what the era felt like. the insanity. the horror.

- request 70/? ooh ooh ooh do you have a good bread recipe?? i wanna get that bread

- request 71/? i want a playlist with the vibes of summoning a demon. please don't ask questions. i don't have answers. and if i do, no i don't.

- For the requests, how about writing something based on a friend?

- request 75/? MMMM i want literally anything to do with natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812

- request 76/? i want some healthy recipes. help a girl out

- a feral bbb quote or two?

- you perceive my plant but now I dare thee to perceive mine own visage

- okay this is a two for one request. 1. you did the bee movie script so now we need a shrek two script edit 2. sleep please

- Pansexual mb for my lil queer soul?

- my (probably) final request is just for you to ramble about something, i don't really care what

- HI ILY CONGRATS AS WELL CAUSE IM LATE BUT CONGRATS. could i request a pirates of the caribbean (or just pirates) or whatever you what to do, free range.

- mood board for the beluga whales who got brought to the animal sanctuary in Iceland please?

- 100 follower request: Moodboard for my stuffed cow Oaky?

hi olivie, here with an request for advice. my mom has always been very athletically focused (certified yoga instructor, ran like 8 marathons, couple triathlons, meditates for half an hour every day, you get the gist.) she's been concerned about my weight and health, and bc of quarantine and other factors i've stopped exercising in general, after 7 years of pretty intensive ballet. so thats context. today i was telling her about this book i had just finished (1/?)

and was super excited about (the silent prince, twas amazing) when she made a comment to me (while i was ranting) like "you've really gained weight" or something like that (bc i am also a slave for weight culture i know abt. how much i gained, its like 5-10 pounds max). it really took me out of my excitement and i immediately left the room to try and react less immediately. later tonight she came up and like tried to apologize, but the trying to calm myself down didnt work and i basically yelling at her, abt 1. why the fuck she felt the need to bring that up at that moment 2. how insensitive i think it was 3. how i felt she didn't regret saying it but regretted that i was reacting so viciously. and just all around raging at her and also her response to the raging ( shes always been pretty self deprecating, so she sat on my bed all like "im such a bad mother, im so bad, im shitty, etcetc.) that also made me mad bc that behavior frustrates me to hell. if ur so bad then fix your behavior, right?? anyways twas a tangent. idk i wanted to ask you how you dealt with that sort of thing, also if you had any tips on regulating emotional response, since i do think i was way harsh. ig a reason that i was so affected was bc ballet was definitely ruining my self worth n image (i also loved ballet. i am confident that my relationship w ballet would make a solid college essay.) and i felt her comment on weight sort of made me think abt ballet and eds and self worth etc and that is a pretty volatile topic for me. i think it bears mentioning that her parents have diabetes and i think that affects how conscious of health she is. just advice on dissecting my feelings would be nice. (tbh i did alot of that while writing this out. thx for letting me use your inbox as free therapy. you're very lovely btw and im super excited for mmr!!)

you’re always welcome to soothe yourself in my inbox!! this is definitely frustrating but familiar. until I have an answer for you on monday, you can also check out my recent response to a problem like this here, from an asker who had a very similar conversation with their mom

hello! this is peyton (mun of impulse’s hwang daesung) with my second character — unity’s lead vocal, moon taewoong. like this if you’re interested in plotting & i’ll hit you up asap! (btw, i have a discord now; i didn’t drop the tag in dae’s intro bc i hadn’t made it yet, but it’s peyton#2067! feel free to add me there w/o asking).

private profile  /  idol profile  /  pinterest

woong is from seoul, which is where he spent the first seven (7) years of his life. but then his parents divorced super suddenly & his dad ~kept the house~ so woong, his mom and his four siblings had to find somewhere else to go. they ended up moving to handong-ri on jeju island and settling in with the mom’s parents on their tangerine farm. so....... yeah he moved from seoul to a fuckin village 😭

really spacious house, really spacious property, really pretty property, but woong was not happy at all. he missed seoul & missed his dad, who made no effort to continue being a father figure after the divorce which was also Really Shocking because he was a great dad before that.

but, life goes on. woong was still really young anyway, so he adjusted to the farm life + to jeju. he ended up finding an activity that got him off the farm and that he actually really, really liked, too  —  soccer!!! he was a fast learner, naturally athletic so he did well and his coach had a LOT of faith in him. eventually he formed the plan to return to seoul as an athlete / to train in a big sports center there but y’know... life can’t be that easy.

aka he got badly injured during a match in 2013 / when he was 16. managed to tear BOTH his acl and pcl, so his leg was Fucked. had to get surgery and the whole recovery process (including physical therapy) took a year and some change. very bad time. i would even call it a Horrible time. he didn’t feel like he was good at anything other than soccer so he was like damn... how am i gonna get out of here now?

but he had his height and his subjective good looks going for him 🤪 in 2014, he had more or less recovered as well as he was going to, was kinda tentative about trying soccer again but Wanted to. before he could work up the courage, he was street casted by a dimensions rep. his family clowned him hard for thinking it was real so he kinda went to the audition to prove that he’s not THAT dumb, kinda went bc he needed an excuse to get tf back into a city, man. handong was NOT cutting it for him.

long story short he became a trainee from pure luck (and some natural talent ig), moved to seoul which fucked up his family relationships to some extent bc him leaving was VERY sudden, no one except his oldest sister even knew that he had been planning to leave for sports. assumed he’d stay there forever, thought it was fucked up that he was so quick to run away.

i’m gonna jump ahead to 2021... i wouldn’t really say that he hates unity, but he definitely feels like an outsider looking in. doesn’t have a background in music, so being an idol at all still feels really weird, but especially with unity’s ~experimental~ music.

he’s distant. when he was younger (and even in his earlier idol days), he was nice enough. not loud, but would laugh and play along with others if they spoke to him first, would reach out to others first on occasion. but his company-assigned image is a mix between tsundere & the “assa” / outsider type; detached, fine on his own, a bit cold/mean/aggressive. like vixx’s leo earlier on but a little more toned-down. going with the outsider portion, he also has the clueless/living under a rock vibe going for him, so fans call him caveman woong 💀 it used to be JUST an image but ultimately fucked up his ability to connect with other people so now he’s rly like that most of the time (and really doesn’t keep up with the world LOL) you can talk to him but his social skills are so bad now that he’ll ignore you but not on purpose.... mf just doesn’t know what to say ever bc he’s been told Not To Talk so much.

he isn’t.... necessarily... mean. he can be, but i’d personally say that he’s more of a self-focused, no bullshit type. really lonely guy who doesn’t know how to interact with others anymore. i guess he wants to relearn people skills, but he’s not trying at the moment. content to just float around in his bubble.

known for being really strong/athletic, which has become one of his very few defining characteristics as an idol. he cannot count the times that he’s shown off his strength by holding a note while splitting fruit on variety shows or dribbled soccer balls for extended periods of time. He’s Tired.

a lesser-known skill he shows off sometimes is his ability to identify plants. if you don’t know him as the athletic guy or the cold guy, you probably know him as the nature guy. he has most korea-native plants memorized and he’s currently working on learning exotic plants. one unspoken goal he has is to show off on a show like law of the jungle.

he raises a bunch of different fish / water-dwelling creatures. has three different tanks.

talks to his fish like they’re babies. if you ever catch him doing this, no you didn’t <3

he used to be REALLY secretive about his family, only ever said that he used to live in jeju but never shared details or clarified any speculations. his privacy disappeared when his family started promoting the tangerine farm as “a place full of unity’s woong’s charms” and allowing visitors, which pissed him off SO BAD because they were making money off of HIS labor... and then they realized he has a lot of fans & they couldn’t handle it, so they closed off the farm to the public again. somehow, this made him even more angry.

he doesn’t really do any solo activities and idk if i’m ever going to push him as an individual? idk i might but he’s honestly not that interesting/appealing to anyone other than his stans so i don’t see the company pushing him and he doesn’t have much of a desire to do anything on his own in the public eye, either. lowkey so tired that he kinda wishes he’d just stayed in jeju but at the same time..... knows if he had, he’d still be looking for a way out??? idk he’s just here to promote unity’s ~experimental~ songs and pretend like he has a sense of identity.

Survey #332

i’m even more tired than before to try and think up song lyrics, i’m pasting from Word and then fucking off to bed lmao.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? I think it was a clip of Doris (Sara's beardie) eating and just being her perfect self? Was your last birthday cake homemade or store bought? Store-bought. One thing you miss about middle school? Shit, nothing. Middle school was the worst. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. Would you ever pierce yourself? No. I am very much about having a professional do your body mods/art. Plus, I have tremors in my hands. Do you live in a safe neighbourhood? Supposedly. We haven't lived here nearly long enough to know. What is the last thing you did that shocked someone? /shrug Do you often find yourself questioning your future? Only always. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yeah. Do you like your license photo? I hate my permit picture. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favorite? Not very, but I like 'em enough. I always say my favorite is Deadpool, but I know he's technically an anti-hero, but whatever. If you don't include him, uhhhh... maybe Spiderman. Have you started watching any new TV shows recently? No. Have you ever been able pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin? No. :( At least, not to my recollection. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. There's actually a winter treat 'round here that you make with snow and sugar called snow cream. Good stuff. What is the messiest area in your home? Right now, the spare room/my wanna-be "office." What’s your favorite computer game genre? Still horror, like video games. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? I'm completely financially dependent on them still. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I eat like, stupid fast, but without being messy. People *cough*Mom*cough* will absolutely point it out, but I seriously can't help it. Making a conscious effort to eat slow feels way too weird. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Tell me what's on your mind? I've been considering yet again reaching out to some tattoo parlors and asking if they're open to hiring someone to handle the front desk and take care of business besides actually performing piercing and tattooing, given my tremors. My group therapy has kinda been encouraging me to use the possibility for social exposure, and besides, I'm very comfortable in the environment and just general aura of tat parlors. I'm sure I'd have to answer the phone, handle money, and obviously talk to costumers, but I know and accept that. I've been at such a stagnant point with my social anxiety in particular that I have to start pushing back harder, and doing this I feel would be one of the most relaxed, social job positions I can hopefully handle. I don't dare to even try this though until I get vaccinated to protect my immunocompromised mom. Writing this all out has actually been pretty encouraging about this idea... Do you wish you never dated someone you dated? Yeah, Tyler. It was such a "I'm lonely and he was nice in high school, so we'll try it" situation. I got nothing from it. Are you scared of growing old alone? Pretty badly. What are you listening to right now? I'm listening to/semi-watching John Wolfe play the remaster of Resident Evil 2. What breed was the last dog you saw? He was a German shepherd. Would you ever go swimming during a thunderstorm? No. Any time a thunderstorm was brewing and I was in the pool, I'd always get out. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I plan to see Ozzy when/if he reschedules his tour after he had to cancel with his Parkinson's diagnosis. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :/ What's the highest science class you have taken? I don't know, actually. What makes you squeal like a school girl? No shame, seeing Mark and Amy do something cute together actually does this, lmao. What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) Do fictional ones count? Because in that case, the Halo of the Sun from the Silent Hill franchise. I'm getting it tattooed somewhere at some point, I'm thinking the left side of my neck. I'm either gonna fashion it in a way where it looks branded on or carved into me. Have you ever been on anti depressants? For all of my pre-teen, teen, and some of my adult life. Apparently, I've only had one truly educated psychiatrist out of no less than a dozen I'd seen, because he fixed me right up. He taught me that those who suffer from bipolarity should avoid anti-depressants; they ramp up your bipolar symptoms. Instead, mood stabilizers are favorable. And what do you know, after I was prescribed a stabilizer and a catalyst for that medication, my depression decreased dramatically and became handleable. Have you ever starved yourself? Kinda. What’s the stupidest name you’ve ever given a pet? I had a guinea pig named Harry Potter. For no particular reason lmao. I'm not even a Harry Potter fan. Do you have nice legs? God no. Do you like fedoras? Okay so I know I am in the strong minority, but I actually do, haha. What is your favorite food group? Carbs. @_@ Have you ever got told that you should be a model? No, but one of the most flattering indirect compliments I've ever gotten was being mistaken for one. Jason's phone wallpaper was one of my favorite pictures of myself with my first snake, and someone asked him if I was a model. ;v;' What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? "Donaukinder" by Rammstein is one of my faves. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? SOBS Darkiplier bc his origins are so damn tragic and unfair. What book do you think should be directed as a film? Was The Giver ever made into one? I don't remember that book well, but I do recall it being absolutely beautiful. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Yeah. I have thousands on the Silent Hill wiki, where I'm one of the admins. I'm also a content moderator at the Team Ico (Shadow of the Colossus devs) one. Every now and again I used to go on the meerkats wiki as well, where I mainly fixed the fucking nightmarish grammar. Very briefly, I edited at the Dragons of Atlantis wiki as well. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? Not very, but of course I still acknowledge the risk and am more conscious of hand washing and stuff. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, I don't actually use my Twitter, I don't have a personal Instagram... There may be more, idk. Is TikTok a "social media platform?" Because I don't have that, either. What was the name of the first porcelien doll you got? Never had one, given I was afraid of dolls as a kid. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "Decode." Would you be happy with a life without romance? To be entirely honest, I'd feel like I was missing something. Was your childhood happy? Mostly. What fundamentally matters do you? Love, kindness, peace, all that gooey stuff. Is true world peace ever possible? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think so. The human population is far too big to come to a unanimous agreement on anything. Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yeah. Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No. I'm getting more into the idea of owning invertebrates (I jabber enough about wanting tarantulas, and there are others, like mantises, I'm interested in as pets), but black widows, I'm not into the idea of having. Too venomous for me to be comfortable risking. If you have a job, what is the longest shift that you've worked? N/A Do you know all of the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody?" FUCK YES I DO. ^ Do you sing it with all of the different voices? sho nuff Do you own more than one copy of a certain book? No. Do you like interpreting poetry or just reading it for fun? Both. I love symbolism, so I get joy out of digging for subtle meanings in poems. Do you have a favorite Dr. Suess book? Yeah, it was always Green Eggs and Ham. Do you watch The Walking Dead? If so, favorite character? Not the show, but I've watched let's plays of the games, haha. In which case Clementine is inarguably one of the best female characters in a video game universe. Who has/had the most mature romantic relationship you’ve seen with your own eyes? Uhhh. I mean I never saw them much, but probably my late grandmother and her last husband. He was fucking incredible to her, and Grammy adored him as well. They helped each other so much and just obviously had the purest love between them. When was the last time you got something for free (legally)? What was it & have you enjoyed it so far? Lmao do balls in Pokemon GO count? Their occasional free boxes are the reason I can play the game because PokeStops are essentially non-existent here, so yes. What is the one fruit you can’t stand to eat? How about vegetable? The first one that came to me were oranges. I enjoy orange juice, but I just caaaaannot with the white veiny shit that you can't totally get off when peeling it. Without that, I might actually enjoy them, but idk. As for vegetable, asparagus is absolutely abhorrent. When’s the last time you actually recited the pledge? If you aren’t American, do/did you have anything similar in your country that you do during a time at school? Probably not since high school. Last person you shared food with? Ummm I have no idea. It's really just Mom and me here and we eat our own stuff. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I believe it waaas... "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson, maybe. If your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? My inner high school emo just screamed "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Gahdamn, there's a lot. I don't feel like going through a mental list in my head and then describing why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? Vol'jin; I think the entire WoW fanbase will forever be pissed about it. It was THE most "lul we dunno what 2 do w/ him anymore, let's let a totally random, unnamed, unimportant demon kill him" like what the fuck, Blizz. Most of his "oomph" was in the book, and I just really wish they'd done so much more with him in the game. Has anything “cute” happened in the past week? Off the top of me noggin, no. When did you last say “I love you”? Did you mean it? Yesterday to Sara. OF course I did. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Hi, PTSD, how are ya. Have you ever slept all day? Essentially. When I was on a larger dose of my anxiety med, I physically couldn't stay up for barely even five minutes, and when I'd lie back down, boom, I was OUT. I stayed on that dosage for I think just that one day, it was so bad. Can you have kids? Well, I have a functioning menstrual cycle, so I would assume so. Doesn't mean I will, though. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Only black. Do you like eating sour things? Hell yeah, I love sour stuff, candy in particular. Do you like pickles? fuuuuck yeah Did you ever have a really close friend move away? Yeah, in elementary school. I feel bad I can't remember her name at the moment... What's the most creative thing you've ever done? I mean, I guess the things I've written in RP. What's the most creative thing someone has done for you? For me? I don't really know. Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows? Sure, they're some of my favorites. What’s something you’d like to be better at? Social interaction. Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? Yeah. Do you think you would make a good parent? No. I know I wouldn't. The only time I ever wanted kids was with Jason, and honestly, I really hope I don't end up with a man because I never want to deal with that urge again and make a mistake. I'm just in no way emotionally fit to be a mother. How many best friends do you have? Just one. What do you cry over the most? My PTSD, honestly. I never sob about it anymore, just shed some tears. What language did/do you take in high school? Latin for one semester, then all four available for German. Which sports do you follow? None. Who was the last person you talked about marriage or having kids with? About marriage, Sara. Kids, the subject was lightly touched upon with Girt, though "with" was never a part of it, but obviously implied seeing as we were dating with long-term in mind. Have you ever been in a house fire? No, thankfully. Have you ever made out for one straight hour? them is rookie numbers Are you any good at remembering phone numbers? No. I literally don't even know my own, nor my mother's. I need to fix that. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt. Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? No. If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Save it to go towards Venus' terrarium. Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Well of course! I'm unashamed to watch any "kids" movie I enjoy, like Disney ones. Most "kids" movies tend to be better than those intended for adults, it seems... Are you afraid of mice? Oh no, I adore mice and I think had a pair as pets before I got rats. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I can't really answer this; I haven't gone on nearly enough vacations to develop a theme. I can say confidently though it'd probably be something small. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't enjoy musicals. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? One or two with Sara, yes. I know we at least watched the weeping angels episode. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Warriors by S.E. Hinton. Sometimes I wanna get back into them, but I am YEARS behind and more into Wings of Fire anyway, so. I don't read nearly enough for both. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Literally no trick seems to work for me. I just suffer lmao.

things i think the Hargreeves should do post apocalypse:

Luther:

Any adult shop classes because I genuinely love mechanic!Luther and have been slipping that into like, all my aus where I can.

Goes to slam poetry nights because he genuinely enjoys poetry (hello space poetry from episode one about the comet or whatever) and maybe one day is confident enough to share his with other people

Gets some gym bros who all enthusiastically support him in a bro sort of way who are constantly getting their minds blown by how much Luther can lift and constantly going “YOOOOOO” while Luther tries to downplay things bc he’s embarrassed 

I don’t know I just want Luther to have actual friends

Probably goes to every astronomy event where people have telescopes and is known in that scene so every time there’s some event at the observatory newcomers are like “what the FUCK” when this bigass bodybuilder comes in and starts gushing about which planet is visible I don’t know

Spearheads a lot of the family’s museum (that aren’t art museum) outings, especially if they have any exhibit that even vaguely relates to outer space or planets or the moon or anything. 

Probably gets up at godawful hours on the morning to go hiking and see the sunrise because he really liked doing that on the moon and even though it isn’t quite the same he still loves to do it. (If he’s not hiking he goes up to Grace’s roof garden to watch it)

Diego:

He already does his fighting at the gym which is kind of cool I’m going to gently assume that he already has gym bros and if he doesn’t then he becomes somewhat more approachable after everything

(having your mother comes down to the gym and kiss your cheek or your teenage brother hop in to drag you away or you other very flamboyant sibling dance his way into the gym to fetch you doesn’t exactly do wonders for keeping a reputation going)

I do want to think that Diego takes up like,, whittling but I think he’d have to do it away from Vanya bc,, you know,, Leonard/Harold whatever was a woodcarver or something but idk maybe Vanya is cool with it - but just the image of Diego hunching over and carving at something and Klaus leaning over and trying to enthusiastically guess what it is while getting it super super wrong because Diego is a beginner and his starting pieces are all lumpy monstrosities makes me smile

Diego taking cooking classes so that he can surprise Grace by taking over dinner sometimes and letting her relax and do what she wants

I’ve said this somewhere before but Diego spearheading picnic events and forcing the family out of the house because he thinks it’s a nice thing for Grace to see the world and on god if any of his siblings fight him about it he will stuff their asses into a picnic basket himself because they are GOING

Gets dragged by Klaus into dumb ideas to “give ourselves a CHILDHOOD diego” more than any other member of the family. Which basically means that Diego is the one Klaus grabs to surf a mattress down the staircase and other dumbass ideas

Allison:

Probably ends up redecorating the mansion and completely redoing it to make it more modern and also less the horrible hellscape with taxidermied animals on the walls that it is. Her and Grace squad up to plan everything and then Allison makes everyone help when it comes to things like painting and building all the nice ikea furniture she just bought

Takes parenting classes as sort of extra credit for her custody case for Claire. I feel like eventually she and Patrick genuinely talk to each other, maybe at some kind of joint therapy, and sort of clear the air between them. They might never get back together, but they at least become sort of friends again. Mainly because I like the Patrick I’ve built up for myself in my head tbh

Occasionally attends craft classes with Klaus when she has a spare moment, because he goes to like,, all the local craft classes. She likes to spend the time with him. Is probably the only sibling who willingly attends with Klaus, but others get dragged along as well.

Probably takes up scrapbooking? She wants to have something physical to give to Claire so decides to go through like,, all the camera footage of their childhoods and pick out good images (because goodness knows they didn’t have cute family pictures) and maybe Grace uploads some of her memories to a harddrive with cute shit and they scrapbook together let me have this

on a related note buys a camera and starts trying to catch her siblings doing cute things for her scrapbook with the sort of determined energy of someone who has realized that she’s having to do her scrapbooking from security camera footage because their childhoods were fucked up

(she has a bajillion pictures of herself - thank you paparazzi - but all she has on her siblings is like... what, one of diego’s fighting posters and the two pictures of Vanya from her book and from the newspaper on the fucked up apocalypse concert??)

Klaus:

Genuinely goes to any and all craft classes offered at the community center and random places around town. Usually sort of a disaster, always a disaster when he drags along his siblings, and always proudly brings home his third grader worthy creations that Grace proudly puts on the shelves. He gets better at things the more he goes to them though, so there’s a progression of skill level in his crafts. Allison goes with him when she has time.

Has a knitting circle that he attends that is primarily made of little old ladies who dote on him. Five occasionally goes with but it often conflicts with Five’s other extra curricular activities.

Bakes at home a lot, with Grace’s supervision after some certain incidents that should remain unnamed. Tends to get ‘creative’ with the recipes but now that Grace is present to make sure it won’t be a disaster everyone is more willing to taste whatever comes out. Has, on at least one occasion, insisted on decorating cookies or icing cupcakes or whatever as a ‘family bonding activity.’

Goes with Ben to the movie theater frequently even to the gross horror movies that Klaus hates and Ben absolutely loves. Klaus always insists Diego come to the horror movies so that Klaus has someone physically there for him to hold onto when he’s scared. Five comes sometimes as well, but tends to critique the special effects - especially blood and blood splatter - which makes other people turn around to hush them.

Five:

I genuinely want to say he does gymnastics lessons. Mainly because I feel like he needs to do SOMETHING physical and get rid of his excess energy, and also I think it would be hilarious for him to be tumbling and teleporting and shit at the same time what a wild ride. Absolutely refuses to allow his siblings to come to any competitions or whatever, but they all end up showing up anyway.

Starts learning instruments. Asks Vanya for lessons on the violin so they can play together, it’s very cute. I also wants to say starts learning the piano because someone sent me an ask once about it and it was super valid. And Five can learn both because I say so and he doesn’t go to school he has the free time

Is on first name basis with a bunch of scientists and mathematicians online where they all yell numbers at one another. Probably in a super technical group chat with a bunch of people with actual doctorates who don’t actually know that Five doesn’t have a doctorate. 

Actually you know what just let Five start actually going to college like let him go to the local community college or start taking college classes or something. He can get his GED or whatever. Let this boy get a DEGREE

Goes to art classes, first because drawing therapy was something Klaus suggested and he wanted to get his brother off his back. Later because he enjoys it. There’s a life drawing group he frequents - he’s the youngest there and new people always do a double take when he shows up but Five is very meticulous in his art and is actually pretty good. Grace goes with him as well because I say so and they deserve bonding time together

Ben:

I mean he’s kind of dead but let him do things with his siblings as well!!

Like I said earlier, a total movie buff and loves going to see things in theaters. And by movie buff I just mean he sees a lot of movies. Bizarrely into horror movies for how sensitive a kid he always was. He goes to the theater with Klaus for the most part but likes to watch movies with the family as well. Klaus makes him watch every animated movie with him in return for Ben dragging Klaus to watch horror movies.

Probably ends up with a youtube channel?? does movie reviews and game playthroughs whenever Klaus has enough energy to manifest him. Is pretty popular but half his followers are because of the bizarre shit that goes on in the backgrounds of his videos. People figure out Klaus (who is a frequent guest) is The Seance and then Five jumps in to tell them dinner is ready or something and they’re like “wait is that the Seances brother with the portal powers who vanished when he was a teen and still IS a teen” and the fact that ben probably has a username that’s some shit like “bentacles” that klaus set up for him everyone is theorizing that the channel is just. Ghost Ben and Five who are being manifested by the Seance to?? play games? 

well. they’re half right.

it certain doesn’t help the rumor mill when Ben makes sarcastic comments about dying or how he can’t get arrested because he’s legally dead and shit like that.

“Yeah sorry I didn’t post yesterday Klaus’s knitting group ended up getting arrested somehow - I was there and I’m still not sure went down - so that’s why I didn’t manifest”

Vanya:

I mean obviously she plays the violin that’s her job. She also teaches Five how to play the violin when he expresses an interest!! She is very touched by the gesture

Swims to keep fit and is a frequent at the pool. Klaus once bugged her to let him come, but it’s really her thing that she just does by herself when she wants to get out of her own brain. She does promise Klaus that they’ll take a family trip to a water park one day though, which he enthusiastically takes her up on.

Attends a book club that she also half-shares with Ben. Ben doesn’t come with to any of the meetings, but she always buys two copies/borrow two copies from the library so that Ben can read along with them and he and Vanya discuss the books before she even goes to any of the meetings. Probably thought there would be more discussion of the books than complaining about their general lives, but keeps going because she lowkey wants an excuse to keep frequenting the bookstore where this cute girl works.

Her and Five steadily are making their way through all the coffee shops in the city (as well as through their menus) in search of the best cup of coffee. It’s just a fun thing they do together that the other siblings occasionally go with as well whenever they have time. Both Five and Vanya have notebooks where they record their ratings based on a variety of factors. Diego calls them pretentious and Klaus always gets the ones which are barely classified as coffee when he goes with (Five steals sips and makes faces but continues to do so)

Grace:

Frequents art museums and galleries! Supports a lot of beginning and local artists by buying their art and has a lot of rotating paintings and prints in the house depending on her mood. She got rid of pretty much like,, all the old painting that Reggie had up except for a few of her favs which she relocates to her new room that Diego put his foot down on giving her

Goes with Five to his art classes at first because, as a minor, he needed an adult to go with him for nudity reasons (it’s a life drawing class man). Grace didn’t expect to actually draw herself but Five insisted because he felt awkward with her just standing there. She prefers abstract styles herself (so many people at this art class have a crush on Grace you have no idea)

(actually goes with Five to most things he’s beginning for himself for at least the first lesson to sign him up as an adult because Five loathes having to ask his siblings)

Commissions someone to come and paint a portrait of the family that’s for them, where none of them are stiff and they’re all happy. She tips the artist fabulously for it and hangs the new family portrait in the place of honor above the mantle where Five’s portrait used to hang (they all destroyed it as a family bonding activity)

Keeps bees on the roof after one of the kids showed her an article about saving the bees. She can’t get stung and genuinely enjoys hanging out up there where she ALSO started a big garden because I say so and Grace deserves to be surrounded by flowers and bumblebees and happiness don’t @ me

Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot.  but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :(  -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

~

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛