#i've kind of been writing but honestly i don't have the brain power to figure out if what i've written is coherent
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@ ppl who follow my writing: please know that i v much want to write and post stuff i just don't have the brain power to sit down and do it. recently changed my meds slightly and a few other things and now i am exhausted like,,, all the time. in the mean time just curious but:
#shut up danni's talking#also no shade if you don't care abt my writing lmao i know that fanfiction is always everyone's cup of tea#esp ppl who're v picky with them like respect my guys i am also v v picky abt the fanfics i read#i've kind of been writing but honestly i don't have the brain power to figure out if what i've written is coherent#also its for an au i haven't posted yet and don't want to unless i get pretty far into it#which i haven't bc im still on the first chapter lol#anyways next up on the docket is either locked out or i continue work on a short multichap batfam fic i wanna post#it'll likely be just over 10k+ words hopefully and maybe three chapters but it should be good#hint: there's a lot of brother bonding in the batfam but where's my sister bonding? hm????
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Six(ish) Sentence Sunday
Thanks for the tag @hgejfmw-hgejhsf and @onthewaytosomewhere - it's always nice when I'm not kicking the week off lmao. I didn't get a lot of writing done this week because I was busy editing the Going Platinum podfic I posted today, but I've powered through so I have something to share!
Rockstar Alex is now officially fully epistolary, because I figured out how to get #3 from the five fun facts game into a fully epistolary format. If you are thinking to yourself, "Great! If it's fully epistolary then it can't hurt as much!" I would advise you to turn to your nearest Schitt's Creek fandom buddy who has read my fics in that fandom and ask them how they feel about chapter 5 of Meet me out at the end of my rope (aka angstapalooza), and calibrate accordingly 😈
SO. Below the cut is a little sneak peek of this with the skin on (and some bonus Reddit comments because when I go epistolary I go balls to the wall), but if you don't want to venture under the cut, enjoy the text version of an r/TIFU post:
TIFU by breaking my no-hookup rule
Obligatory ‘this didn’t happen today’ but my friends are still making fun of me days later, so.
I’m not a hookup/cruising kind of gay. Full respect to you if you are, it’s just never been my thing - I’m more of a serial monogamist type But it was my friend’s birthday last weekend and we all went out to a gay bar, and I ended up dancing with this guy who… honestly if I describe how off the charts hot he was you wouldn’t believe me anyway, so you’ll just have to trust me on this. He was there with a friend and the friend bought us a few rounds of vodka shots before fucking off somewhere, so me and this guy went back to dancing. And then the dancing was grinding, and then we were making out for a bit before he said he was gonna go to the bathroom with THAT head tilt. You know the one. Even my no-hookups ass knows the one. And yeah, I don’t do hookups, but fuck it. I said yes (I really cannot express how hot this guy was lol) and followed him to the bathroom. I won’t get into all the details but suffice to say getting blown by this dude was a religious experience. I’m just getting to the point of no return when he pulls back all of a sudden. And he’s got tears in his eyes, but I just thought it was from like… well, you know… but then he STOOD UP. I was like “what the fuck dude” and he just started APOLOGIZING, saying something about the song????? I hadn’t been paying attention tbh, I was a bit busy having my brains sucked out through my dick, but this guy just muttered something about the song and his ex and then he LEFT ME in the fucking club bathroom, dick bobbing in the wind.
I think I’m back to no hookups from now on tbh.
TL;DR: first ever hookup ended with a stranger literally sobbing his way off my dick, and ACD’s new song is a banger, but I’ll probably never be able to hear it without thinking of the worst case of blue balls I’ve ever had.
Forever feeling feral for whatever y'all are up to, so tagging @affectionatelyrs @anchoredarchangel @anincompletelist @blairwaldcrf @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @cultofsappho @daisymae-12 @dumbpeachjuice @everwitch-magiks @firenati0n @getmehighonmagic @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heybuddy-drabbles @indestructibleheart @indomitable-love @inexplicablymine @leaves-of-laurelin @littlemisskittentoes @lizzie-bennetdarcy @matherines @myheartalivewrites @ninzied @notspecialbabe @orchidscript @rmd-writes @sherryvalli @ships-to-sail @smc-27 @sparklepocalypse @ssmtskw @stereopticons @tintagel-or-cockleshells @welcometololaland @whimsymanaged and, as always, anyone who wants to play! (If you take the open tag please tag me so I can see!!)
#six sentence sunday#kiwiana-writes#wip: rockstar alex exes to lovers#this is gonna get ridiculous#(this is already ridiculous)
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WIP Question Tag Game
Tagged by @ceph-the-ghost-writer
Rules: Answer as many (or as few) of the questions about your WIP as you can.
Tagging: I'm leaving this as an open tag
I'll be answering all of them for A Hero's Call.
1. What was the first part of your WIP that you created?
The very first part of A Hero's Call that I created was the concept of dimension jumping in general. It was inspired by both the ghost portals from Danny Phantom and my middle school self's mighty need for crossover content from my favorite shows, and then I kind of just made a self insert to make those crossovers happen, and that self insert evolved into Kira.
2. If your story was a TV show, what would the intro song be?
So, when I was young and naive and didn't know how filmmaking worked, I wanted A Hero's Call to be a tv show. The intro song was always gonna be some sort of early 2000's rock/emo/metal song, and I almost always came back to In The End by Black Veil Brides. And honestly, I still stand by that.
3. Who are your favourite character(s) and why?
So, I love Kira, I really do, she's the main character after all. HOWEVER, my blorbos for the series are definitely Lucent and Cairn, which is really funny if you have the knowledge I do (that knowledge being that Lucent has ice powers and Cairn has fire powers). Lucent was a character I originally made to rp with some friends without having to use my already established characters, because I was weird and had stupid hangups about sharing my work, and she's kind of become my punching bag OC of the series which is how I know she's one of my favorites. I love making her go through physical and emotional torment.
Cairn is just fun for me to think about conceptually, because he's a villain that really could have chosen redemption, and he almost does at quite a few different points in his life, but ultimately he succumbs to the cycle of abuse and gives in to that darker side of himself. Also the thought of this very inhuman-looking dude having a Tumblr is SO funny to me (he is canonically VERY internet-savvy).
4. What other pieces of media could share a fan base with your WIP?
Any number of media pieces tbh, but the biggest one would probably be Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which was a HUGE inspiration for this project.
5. What has been your biggest struggle while writing your WIP?
Writing the beginning of it. I've struggled so hard with it and I can never figure out what's holding me back, which annoys me. And the more I write the more I discover that when I have all the pieces to a story that I want to tell, the writing starts flowing eventually. But with this WIP I've just had to drag those first few chapters out kicking and screaming from my brain and I can tell something is missing, but I don't know what.
6. Are there any animals in your story?
Yes, there are. There's the Shade family dog, a golden retriever named Gary (who is, in fact, just my real dog inserted into the story), and there's also Lucent's "pet" Jannik, who is a ferret-like creature called a skitnik. Emily and Pickle are ranch kids so they have a ton of animals that sometimes get mentioned, but Gary and Jannik are more central to the plot than those animals are.
7. How do your characters get around?
All the normal ways you would get around in rural Wyoming in the 2010's (cars, horses, off-road vehicles, etc). And, of course, dimension jumping.
8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?
I'm rewriting the first few chapters (again) to try and get them ready to post on AO3 because I've been churning out fanfiction nonstop because of how much the kudos and comments go to my head, so I want to see if putting my original works on AO3 would spur me on to work on them more.
9. What aspects of your WIP do you think will draw people in?
I think that the characters and the worldbuilding will be the major draws for people, cause I have a LOT of lore and a lot of fun characters to introduce and I think it'll be fun for people to explore.
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leo you didn't know what you got yourself into, baby.
for the "know your ficwriter" thingy:
2; 4; 14; 15 & 16 (that's a lot i know, hehe, but i love to hear your thoughts)
ahah joke's on you i love ranting about my writing so thank you so much for humoring me <3
2 : Do you plan each chapter or do you write as you go ? I have an outline for at least a few chapters ahead, in general, with a scene list, but those often end up changing a lot as I actually write. I've never written a story without at least a little bit of an outline though, I don't like writing if I don't know where I am going, I need that flow of energy that the story gives me, if that makes sense
4 : Where do you find inspirations for new ideas ? I don't know, everywhere ? Writer is like one of the basic modes of my brain lmao so whenever any information or experience enters one of my first reactions is like, so how can I use this in a story ? And then it's constantly running scenarios and trying to fuse ideas into each other and I think that's when my stories come together - by making interesting mixes of stuff. Like a recipe or a potion lmao. There are a few big themes that come back constantly - like awe for big scary overwhelming forces of nature, loneliness, trauma, the sacred, the horrors and wonders of having a body, power, freedom, devotion, etc - and then I'm just looking for more specific lenses to explore them through. I honestly think if you're paying attention you can find ideas absolutely anywhere. That said when I'm blocked or my writing feels stale I love reading a good book or watching a cool movie because that regenerates my belief in the power of good storytelling. Or going somewhere I've never been to before.
14: how do you write emotional scenes ? Do you ever feel what the characters feel ? Do you draw from personal experiences ? Tbh for me all scenes are emotional, if there's no emotions it feels dead and there's no point in writing it. And yeah I'm very method with my writing, I need to feel it to be inspired - generally it's an enjoyable process, even for negative stuff it's cathartic. And yes, I draw a lot from personal experiences, not directly but transformed and amplified - writing is in general very therapeutic for me, even though I try to not go too far with that because it doesn't always make for the most interesting stuff to read haha.
15: How do you write smut scenes ? Do you get very visual or detailed ? How important is it to be realistic ? To me smut is a great way to get into the mindset and emotions of characters and peeling back some layers, so that's the most important thing to figure out - although sometimes it's just yeah that would be hot, does it fit the Theme lmfao. In real life it's silly to assign arbitrary meanings to particular acts but in a story it's very interesting to figure out what it symbolizes. I like writing kinky stuff as well because it makes that more explicit. In terms of details - no, not really, because honestly I think if a character's POV gets too fixated on details it means they're probably too in their heads and not really enjoying the experience so it can quickly feel artificial. I think the key is about picking the right details. But also it's just HARD to find words to describe that kind of stuff without sounding corny lmao. As for the realism, hm, as long as you can understand what everybody is doing and there's no weird impossible anatomy going on, I'm not THAT hung up on it, it's meant to be a fantasy anyway - but the best smut does tend to have some realistic moments at least because it's more human and interesting and sexy if it's not just acting out a perfect boring choreography.
16: how many fic ideas are you nurturing right now ? share one of them ? I have a shit ton of ideas but I am trying to be disciplined and not start anything until I have finished sanctuary. (except maybe a few short one shots like my solarpunk wizards AU). All sebchal for now. One I have been thinking about a lot is an absolutely insane multiverse thing with several seemingly unrelated stories that get framed in several different ways - one that happens in a decaying post apocalyptic seaside town ruled by the mob with haunted old hollywood vibes/romeo + juliet/also with illegal car racing and a bad ending ; one where Seb is a cult leader ; one where they're both women in a cyberpunk crap future where Seb is a bounty hunter and Charles is an escort and they end up teaming up against the kingpin that wants to make their lives miserable and then they leave town together ; anyway a few others i'm not sure if i'm ever going to get to it because it would be enormous but it's very fun to think about. also i really want to write a BDSM focused fic at some point. and maaaaaaybe a sanctuary sequel.
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so i've been reading your wonderful fic Though the Gods and the Years Relent, Shall Be, and it kind of...altered my brain chemistry??? and i've been trying to figure out how to communicate this in a comment on ao3, but for whatever reason i feel like i can maybe make more sense of my jumbled brain on this crazy website.
so, chapter 4. obviously i got excited from the moment i read the chapter title, but the kissing scene itself??? quite frankly, i don't know how to process it (in the most positive way). like,,, i find in media that so often, when there's a passionate kissing scene or a sex scene between a man and a woman, it almost always feels like the scene is there to serve (or please) the man. and i know it's not always the case, but it feels like it is the case the majority of the time?? and i don't know why that's been brought to my attention recently, but as a woman, it's so discouraging to watch films and read books and feel like moments of passion are only meant to be enjoyed by men?? because they most definitely aren't???
anyways to make a long spiel/rant short (ish), reading that kissing scene kind of blew me away because it's not a power struggle or anything like that, but it's also not coming from the perspective of battling desires, like they clearly are aligned in their desire but also mairon isn't there to satisfy just himself, like he handles galadriel with such care and she reciprocates, but she initiates it, which is so hugely important to me, and honestly the way you've built the tension between them in the first three chapters and then broken the dam in this most recent chapter is just stunning to me and i could gush about this for literal hours. so, thank you for this. from the bottom of my heart, thank you, and i hope this made sense :)💕💕💕
This is most definitely the kissing scene I am most proud of writing, and I really wanted it to stand out because it's the first kiss for both of them, and not just Galadriel, but I've been reading over this for days now and I have no words to describe how you just made me feel over this lil' baby novella I've been working on lately. ❤️
So many things in visual and written media are Male Gaze oriented, and I wanted Though the Gods and the Years Relent, Shall Be to be different and stand out from that. It's just very innocent and pure, and I'm proud of that! But I am also very moved that it's made you feel this way! You are so very welcome, and thank you so much for this amazing piece of feedback! I could have answered it privately, but I don't want to lose this beautiful comment!!!
The last chapter will be up tonight! I might just cry saying goodbye to this fic.
#saurondriel#sauron x galadriel#galadriel x sauron#haladriel#halbrand x galadriel#galadriel x halbrand#my fic
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you should tell the world more about yuor courier :)
MAYBE I SHOULD..!!!
Lupe is my courier!
I don't have specific stats for him (mostly because I've played as him so many times they're always a bit different), but the basics are that he's a high perception & endurance, low charisma & agility build.
he has high repair, medicine, survival and sneak, and has very low speech and barter skills. everything else is either kind of low or continues to slowly improve as he travels
Lupe was always a quiet man. though his figure was often imposing, he would always help others with a kind smile on his face. He is from Baja California del Norte, close to NCR territory :) he lived in a small community with friends and family.
The trek from Baja to California was easy enough for him, so he took on the job of courier!
blah blah being shot in the head by Benny blah blah retrograde amnesia. the jist of it is that he no longer remembers his family or his past. the first few days in good springs are very rough. the town assumes he was mute, and it honestly feels like he is. speaking is very hard. words of two languages getting jumbled in his brain. he has constant headaches and bad dreams.
Despite no longer knowing himself at all, he remains a very similar man. He's still quiet, though moreso than before, and he is still kind at heart.
I am still trying to figure out how arcade and him exactly meet, and how their relationship develops, but Arcade serves as an anchor for him. Though their relationship remains unlabeled and ambiguous for the most part, they both rely on each other. Arcade trusts him.
though he doesn't show, he is in anguish. he has dreams of people who's faces feel so familiar, yet are always out of reach. he doesn't want to be a murderer, a mercenary, a tool for a revolution he knows nothing about. he is so often trapped in his own mind, and arcade is always there to ground him.
I've written some stuff about him and Benny before, so I'm just gonna copy paste it on here lol
"But Benny- he put you in this position. Whether you act or not, a war is brewing. But he has the power to change its odds. To a degree, you cannot blame Benny. Like yourself, like many in the Mojave, in the wasteland, he is a dreamer. An idealist. An idiot with hope. Just so happened that Benny was in a high enough position of power to actually almost get away with what would've been the Renaissance of New Vegas.
That man stands out like a sore thumb. the same unappealing, unflattering, tacky, yellowed-at-the-seams checkered suit is still on his person. It fills you with rage, how a man cannot even have the decency to change from the same clothes he wore after killing an innocent person. After killing what was once you. But maybe you're looking too much into it."
BASICALLY his feelings towards Benny are very mixed. he respects Benny's initiative, he *almost* respects his drive; his want to change things. But he loathes him for what he did to him. He's a snake. in the end, Arcade is relieved that Lupe doesn't seek vengance. would bring too much trouble into their lives.
other than that . . . . i mean I've written some other things, but theyre mostly misc stuff that I've already kinda explained on here ^^ Lupes story might still change.. I am still working on him & his character... sorry if any of this is structured weird by the way. i wasn't sure how to write it . I am also sorry for any typos!! i am writing this on my phone as I chew on scrambled eggs
btw he goes for independent new vegas 👍
ALSO I HAVE A LUPE PLAYLIST IF YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO IT!!!
thank you for reading!!!!
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Hi! Hope this is alright to ask. Pretty much I am trying to figure out what draws me to whump, and I feel a bit out of place when I try to find answers. I've been through traumatic experiences before and a lot of times I've heard that people cope by putting characters through traumatic experiences but then give them comfort or a happy ending as a way to take your power back/rewrite your personal life story. Personally I don't resonate with that because I don't always include comfort. But at the same time I do feel like I'm using whump writing to cope somehow... I'm just not sure how? Like when I look up articles on 'writing therapy' a lot of what comes up has to do with 'giving the characters the happy ending you would have liked for yourself' but again, I can't really relate. Plus, I also consume whump. Lately a show I'm watching has had one character go through a lot of whumpy scenes and it's sparked an interest in me, like I rewatch those scenes a bunch of times and now have an interest in writing that specific character going through pain when I had never considered that before. And it's also caused my mind to 'branch out' I guess, and get more ideas for what kind of whump I'd want to include in my own writing. Even though I've been interested in whump for a while already, this is really the first time canon whump scenes have drawn me in so much. I know I don't really have to justify liking whump to anyone and some people simply just like it, but in my case, I do feel like it's deeper than that and I just don't know what some possible explanations could be? Thanks if you're able to offer some insight!
Ah, glad you’ve found us here on the Tumblr Dot Com, my dude!
I’m kind of the same way, honestly. I’m mostly in it for the physical sensation (which is cozy and warms me up like a hot cup of tea on a cold, rainy day). It may very well be that whump is a brain chemistry thing that some people are just predisposed to (like how some people feel tingles when listening to AS/MR while others don’t). (I also experience tingles by the way… I know correlation doesn’t equal causation, but hm… it might be worth researching [nudges the psychology academics])
But I do also feel a level of emotional attachment to certain types of whump (particularly if a character is crying or screaming). For me, I like watching/reading those kind of scenes because that’s the only time I react in a “normal” way to sad and/or messed-up things; because I’m usually alone when I do this, so I don’t feel I have to hide what I feel from others. Everything comes to the surface and it’s very nice.
Or sometimes I’m just down in the dumps and I decide to stare at Gilbert Kane writhing on the dinner table for the eight-millionth time and go “Damn I wish that were me.” But like in a very normal, catharsis-seeking way… I don’t have a death wish.
So it could be an emotional expression thing(?) Or (if you’re into the more, eh, one-on-one Whumper/Whumpee dynamic) it could also be seeking validation that what people did to you was, in fact, Very Bad… or not idk.
Or, you could just have a fascination with the weird, disturbing, and gross, which manifests itself in a love of whump. This could be indicated by your other interests.
Or, you could just enjoy seeing variations on a theme; what writers do differently or the same as each other. I know I love binge-watching an actor’s work for a year (or three lmfao) and studying their mannerisms and micro-expressions. I also love picking apart imagery and wording in written pieces. So, it could just be a different type of “Love of the Craft,” so to speak?
Or, it could be an outlet for anger. Sometimes it is for me, but usually it isn’t the case. But generally, when I feel like throttling a person and cracking their skull open like a pistachio shell, I find a whump blogger with open asks and do horrible things to their OCs. I squeeze them like stress balls. Didn’t ask. Don’t care. [violence] [violence] [violence]
Anyway, thank you for asking me! Have fun and keep whumping.
(Autocorrect almost changed “whumping” to “whipping.” Very off-topic, I know… but so, so on-brand djdjdjdjdjdndndn help I’m laughing now)
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I got this idea based on art by @wingless-cupid and it really helped me get back into the writing groove! Characters belong to Yuurivoice!
Mansion's Secret
Black clouds blanketed the sky and the wind blew as if a storm was imminent. This didn't fare well for the young cryptid hunter that rode down the one-lane road, who was following an anonymous tip he had gotten about a mansion far back in the woods. Rumors had spread that the mansion was haunted by a rather mischievous entity, but no one had been able to see it for themselves. Now, Seth was determined to be the first to see said entity and the first to document it. As he pulled up to the building, the brunette couldn't help but feel slightly intimidated by its aura. It gave off a sense of ancient power, and that only made the mansion seem larger than it was.
Seth parked his bike without breaking eye contact, and slowly approached the door. Once his hand landed on the doorknob, his body felt cold and in a sense... dead, in some way. "No," the male thought, "I've gone hunting in way scarier places than this! An abandoned mansion is nothing!" With that, he threw open the door to reveal the beautiful, open foyer with an old chandelier hanging from the ceiling. As he walked in, the house creaked in defiance, as if it was upset by the younger presence. What the male couldn't see, was a tall and slender figure watching him from one of the higher platforms.
The vampire smiled wide as he watched the human, making sure to take in every part of his figure. Alphonse had not seen another mortal for quite some time, heck, he hadn't seen anyone in a long time. Being a vampire trapped inside of a dusty old mansion by himself, really wasn't as glamorous as it sounded before he died. He tended to spend his days sleeping and thinking, which was not a good thing either. The boy longed for someone, anyone, to find his mansion and keep him company, even if that meant them visiting.
"Maybe this is my chance," he thought in excitement, "This human must not be frightened if he walked in here so boldly!" With that, he began to float and followed the cryptid hunter as a way to figure out how to reveal himself.
Seth wandered the old house, carefully looking around every corner and examining anything he could get his hands on. Most of the items in the house were dusty and untouched, but that was until he found what looked to be some kind of journal. As the brunette picked up the book, Alphonse felt himself stiffen and reach out to lightly smack it out of Seth's hand. "What in the sam hill," the other shouted, pulling his hand back and bumping into the vampire behind him.
As the boy froze, Alphonse felt his brain scramble to find some way to respond to the sudden reaction. He watched as Seth slowly moved to hold his flashlight up and turn to look behind him. So, he wrapped his arm around the other male and smiled wide as he gave a greeting, "Sorry about that friend. That's a bit of personal work." The brunette was frozen in place and stared at the vampire with a mixture of fear and excitement. His frozen state soon passed, allowing him to spin away so he could face the vampire before him, making sure to keep his flashlight on the being.
"What do you want," he demanded, gaining some confidence to glare at Alphonse. The vampire was confused but excited by Seth's excitement nonetheless.
So, he answered in a chipper manner, "Oh I don't want anything. I just heard you come in and decided to follow you." The muscular man raised a brow, confused by the sincerity in the undead being's tone. "You know," the other continued, "You're the first person that's ever come here so confidently! Everyone else was always so scared, and honestly, it was really getting annoying." Now, that took Seth by surprise, causing him to loosen up his stance.
"Wait," he questioned, "You're not going to uh... try and kill me?"
Now it was Alphonse's turn to be confused, "What?! Is that what the townspeople are saying?! I have enough blood in storage to last me years! I would have no reason to kill anyone!" The 'blood in storage' comment concerned the brunette, but he felt no need to dwell on it, considering it might just anger the being in front of him.
"If I play my cards right," he thought, "I might just be able to befriend this thing."
Meanwhile, Alphonse could only think, "If I'm careful, I might be able to actually make a friend!"
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Would you consider writing more for that werewolf!Hermann AU from an anon ask? It was cute :3
absolutely >:] the entirety of this was written after 9pm and is minimally edited so sorry in advance but here you go!! i love this au so much <33
(sequel to this prompt)
Newt shifts closer to Hermann underneath the covers of Newt's bed, presses his face into Hermann's neck with a deep inhale. He smells like shampoo, like the wool in his sweaters and chalk and Newt's cologne because he's wearing a t-shirt borrowed from Newt's drawer. The fact that Hermann is wearing his shirt makes his stomach do a little flip—they'd crashed in Newt's bunk after the Breach had closed, too hung over from the Drift to want to split for long enough to get a full night's (afternoon's?) sleep. And besides, they'd had some... revelations, after all of everything had been shoved out into the open. Newt makes a contented hum and takes another breath against Hermann's shoulder. Yeah, Hermann smells like shampoo and wool and chalk and cologne and... wet dog?
Newt's sleep-addled and oxytocin-ridden brain takes more than a few seconds to put two and two together, and by the time he's shaking Hermann awake he's staring down a furry, elongated face with two tall ears where an angular human had been before.
"Uh—Hermann?" Newt mumbles, hand on Hermann's shoulder (God, even through the shirt Hermann's fur is soft as fuck. Unfair). Hermann makes a grumbling-growling noise and half-heartedly makes a gesture to swat Newt's hand away. "Is there a full moon tonight? It's—" Newt hastily glances at his watch "—nine. PM."
Reading off the time seems to do it. Hermann's eyes shoot open and he scrambles to sit up, holding his hands out and studying them before running them over his face, as if he needs proof that he's not quite human at the moment. "Bugger," he snarls, throwing off the covers.
"I thought I'd set an alarm on my mobile—" the sight of a giant canine scrabbling through Hermann's clothes is almost comical, and it's all Newt can do to hold back a laugh (he does make a little snorting sound, but Hermann only glances at him sharply). After a few seconds of patting down the pockets of filthy, still-damp clothes, Hermann produces his phone from the pockets of his slacks and discards them back on top of the pile of laundry, taps at the screen and the power button a few times. "Figures it would be a dead battery that would finally do me in," he mutters. Newt finally swings his legs over the edge of the mattress and takes the two steps across his bunk to stand beside wolf-Hermann.
"Hey, dude, it'll be fine, right? You can probably just chill in here for the night. It's cool." Hermann fixes Newt with a glare that makes him take a nervous step back before Hermann shakes himself.
"That wouldn't—I'd—" his ear flicks. "I've got a certain medication I must take in order to cap my energy and reduce transformation hangover, but it's in my bunk."
"Great, I'll just go get it for you then. Easy! Just give me your keys."
Hermann shifts his weight from one foot to the other, and then back again. "Er... I'm afraid you can't do that."
Newt blinks. "What? Why?"
"I can't... explain, exactly. They're just something I need to retrieve myself."
Newt snorts. "So what, you're just going to waltz down the hallway to your bunk and grab them?" Hermann stares at him quietly for a long moment, and Newt laughs incredulously. "You really want to—the Drift must've done something major to your brain, dude. The Herms of a week ago would probably have whacked me over the head just for suggesting it."
"Yes, well," Hermann mutters through his teeth, "I've lived through the end of the world and come out the other side on a bloody full moon, so pardon me if I'm fresh out of better ideas."
"I still don't believe that I can't just go get them for you, but honestly I'm kind of up for this shit," Newt says with a grin. "Getting into shenanigans with Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, of all people! Never thought I'd see the day," he pokes playfully.
"I don't suppose I'll ever hear the end of it," Hermann grumbles. "Might we at least get a move-on with this? The longer I stand here, the more antsy I can feel myself become—I wasn't fibbing when I noted the energy capping qualities."
"Right. Uhhhh..." Newt sits back down on his bed and chews his tongue thoughtfully for a second. "How badly will you kill me if I pull inspiration from kids' shows?"
"What's your idea?" Hermann sighs wearily. Newt smirks.
"Well, what if you wore one of my hoodies, and then you put the hood up, and uh—yeah, that's all I've got."
Hermann sighs again, longer this time. "Perhaps the entirety of the Shatterdome is still either drunk or hung over enough that they won't notice if we just make the trip quick enough."
"That's the spirit!" Newt beams, and then immediately frowns. "Well, maybe not really because if someone saw you your first issue is that most people probably don't know that werewolves exist in the first place, and they'd probably scream their throat out." He hops up from his spot on the bed. "Eh, the 'Dome could use some more excitement anyways."
"Reassuring," Hermann says drily, "but I can't say I have any better ideas," he concedes. Newt grins up at him.
"Hell yeah." He rifles through a drawer and pulls out what he's pretty sure is the largest hoodie he owns, and holds it up to Hermann. "Here, put this on—you don't shed, do you? It's not too much of an issue, I guess, but I really don't want to have to run it through the wash, y'know? Makes the inside all pill up and shit, practically ruins the hoodie," Newt rambles as Hermann carefully slides the garment over his head. It's long enough, at least; Hermann doesn't really get bigger or anything when he transforms, which Newt thinks is kind of lame but it'll definitely make sneaking him through the hallway that much easier.
"Just put that on, annnnd..." Newt lifts the hood over Hermann's ears and pulls it as far forward as it'll go, and Newt remembers how much the 'oversized' part is an understatement; it hangs over Hermann's eyes and covers most of his face, lengthened as it is. "Dude, you look a little like if Legoshi was emo," Newt snorts.
Hermann's nose twitches (cute). "Who?"
"Uh. Don't worry about it. I'm making you watch Beastars later, though." Hermann only sniffs in response. "Right then! I think it's time for us to go now, my sweats you're wearing combined with your long-ass socks do the trick for hiding your legs." Newt makes to swing the door open, but Hermann catches his arm.
"Would you at least check how crowded the hallway is before pushing me out there? As gut-wrenchingly comical as this affair is, I do wish to not be spotted."
"Right." Newt opens the door, but just a crack so he can peer out into the hall.
It's empty, way more empty than Newt really expected or hoped for, but he guesses that their avoiding the death of humanity a day prior probably messed with peoples' sleep schedules a record amount. It works out better for him and Hermann, anyways.
"We're good," he says to Hermann without looking away from the deserted hall.
Every time Hermann's claws click dully through his socks or when the Shatterdome makes a noise as the steel settles, Newt can feel his gut leap half a foot into his throat. Hermann's bunk isn't very far away from Newt's, but it's still a two-minute journey that kicks his whole sympathetic system into full gear. About 70 seconds into their brisk walk, Newt flinches at the sight of someone walking unsteadily around the corner of the end of the hall. They perk up when they see he and Hermann, much to Newt's dismay, and stumble towards them.
"Heyyyy Geiszler," they slur. It's one of the J-Techs, Newt guesses from their dark jumpsuit.
"Uh, Hi! We're just, uh, headed to his bunk," Newt says quickly, trying to pull Hermann past them before they can get a closer look. Where one J-Tech is, there's sure to be more close behind. One of the tech's hands goes to Newt's shoulder as he tries to pass them, and he freezes.
"Yoo, who is that? Gottlieb? You're always with Gottlieb. Cool costume, man!" They grin widely at Hermann and give him a thumbs-up. "You've got all ‘a Geiszler's clothes on. You guys must be banging or something. Cooool."
"We're not—" Hermann starts in a strangled voice, but the J-Tech pitches forward and Newt catches them and eases them to sit on the ground, their back leaned against the wall.
"If we're lucky, they won't remember us tomorrow," Newt says as he rushes Hermann the rest of the way to his bunk.
"And if we're not lucky?" Hermann growls, jamming his key at the door's lock three separate times before it goes in and turns.
"Eh, no one'll probably believe them anyways," Newt says, leaning away from the door to glance back up and down the hall (still deserted apart from the now passed-out J-Tech).
"I don't particularly want rumors going around that we're—!" Hermann pushes the hood back down as soon as he gets the door shut, and Newt can't help but notice that his ear is flicking like mad. Nervous tic?
"You care more about people thinking we're banging than people knowing that you're a fucking werewolf?" Newt snorts. Hermann flicks the light on, and Newt finally gets a better view of the room. It's almost pristine, shockingly so compared to Newt's mess of a bunk. Even the bed is made to a militaristic standard, though an unfolded blanket hangs half-off the edge and he privately wonders if Hermann had even been getting underneath the covers before passing out for the past few weeks of end-of-the-world crunch.
"One is... more believable than the other, is all," Hermann mumbles.
"Dude, I really can't believe you sometimes," Newt says with an (almost) straight face, but he's barely stopping himself from breaking into a laughing fit.
"Yes, well I can't quite believe that I just walked through the Shatterdome hallway on a full moon and lived to tell the tale," he shoots back. "It's really entirely your fault that I wasn't awake to prepare properly, anyways," he calls over his shoulder as he walks into his small bathroom and pulls something from the cabinet under the sink. Newt follows him, curious.
"So, what is this fated medication that I wouldn't have been able to just get for you, anyways?" He asks, trying to get a glance of it around Hermann's fingers. From what Newt can see it's just a plain brown bag, which is hardly something that Newt couldn't have just grabbed for him.
"It is, quite frankly, none of your business," Hermann sniffs, turning away and withdrawing something from the bag. He puts it in his mouth and replaces the bag beneath the sink before Newt can get a look, but that only makes Newt more curious.
"C'mon Herms, you can't even tell your best-friend-slash-lover what your super secret werewolf medicine is?" Newt teases, trying to edge around Hermann to sneak a hand into the cupboard and steal the bag out.
"Newton—" Hermann groans, trying to bat Newt's hand out of the cupboard, but he misses and instead sends the whole bag tumbling out of the cabinet and the contents skidding across the floor. Hermann makes a squeaking noise, and Newt bends down to pick up one of the pieces from the printed linoleum. Newt grins, and Hermann covers his face with his hands. It looks exactly like a bone-shaped dog treat—for all Newt knows, it is a dog treat.
"Aww, Hermann, you're eating dog treats now?" Newt teases even as he starts to gather all the dog-treat-adjacent objects back into their paper bag.
"This is why I didn't want you to—"
"You really risked both hide and hair so I wouldn't see that your medication looks like fucking dog biscuits?" Newt wheezes.
"I knew I would never hear the end of it if you did," Hermann huffs at him with a glare. "I suppose it was too much to hope that I'd live out my days in peace."
"Here, Herms—if I swear to only tease you about it once a week, does that fix it?"
Hermann levels him with a cold stare. "Newton, if you bring it up more than twice a year, I will see to it myself that you will never hear a second of your wretched music ever again."
"Jeesus! Fine, fine." Newt holds his hands up. "Bimonthly, maximum. I swear."
Hermann doesn't remove his piercing gaze from Newt for another long moment before finally looking away, giving a rattling sigh and running a hand through the fur between his ears.
"Right, then." Hermann peels Newt's hoodie off and shakes himself (Newt chooses to not comment on it, amusingly dog-like as it is). He's left once more in Newt's shirt and sweats, lustrous fur on display. "I think I'm ready to have a bit of a lie-down, if you want to—er—" he pats the bed awkwardly as he untucks the sheets from the mattress.
"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" Newt asks with a crooked smile, taking the invitation even as he sticks his tongue out at Hermann.
"It means that I'm tired, and you're quite..." his ear flicks again. "Comfortable."
"Aww Hermann, I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!"
"Don't push your luck," Hermann says quietly as Newt settles in on the bed beside him and weaves both arms around his shoulders.
"Did I tell ever you how soft you are? 's crazy," Newt mumbles through a faceful of fur.
"Mm," is all Hermann responds with before his breathing evens out.
#also the medicine is magic and thats why it works so fast okay shhh#asks#sunflowerdaemon#lizard screaming#hermann gottlieb#newmann#pacific rim#pacrim#newt geiszler#newtmann#werewolf!hermann#fanfic#fanfiction#pacific rim fanfiction#kaijuwritingtag
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That Kind of Love Never Dies_Chapter 1
Hey guys, Now that more voted to split my fictions in 2 parts, I'm back with the first part. I hope you like it. Don't forget to leave me feedbacks. I'll always appreciate them. Love you all.
This is for writing event @tvdspngirl314
My quote is "That kind of love never dies"
Dean x Reader series (just 2 parts)
This chapter words: ~5k
Series warning:
Angst, fluf, smut, angry Dean, hurt Reader, hurt Dean, there's some more but I hate spoilers so I insist on "Angst & Hurt"
It all started with a stupid argument at home. What was it? Three months ago? Sam couldn't remember the exact date but after years, it was the first time this awkward coldness between Dean and Y/n had started to build. He could remember the first time he and his brother came across Y/n like it was yesterday, they were hunting a very nasty creature who used to kidnap young and lonely women at night, then got them wrapped in ropes and ties on a bed in a warehouse to rape, torture and feed on their blood until the victim either died or accepted to turn into one of his kind.
Sam could remember the helplessness in people's eyes too. The pain of the victims' families, the frustration and anger on cops' faces when no one could find the criminal yet, even after the sixth missing girl.
"Sammy, he just kidnapped another girl. And I think I know where he's gonna take her. Let's hunt this son of a bitch."
When Dean was saying that, Sam never expected him to fall in love with the woman they would save that night. Well, unfortunately they weren't fast enough to prevent any harm to the girl. When they arrived and Dean killed the nasty creature, Y/n was almost dead. The monster had already raped her, tortured her … and when he felt the hunters enter the place, he drank almost all of her blood, to gain more energy to fight. So as always, Dean was up to blaming himself. Of course only in his own eyes, not anyone else's.
"Call Cas to come home. Tell him it's an emergency."
Dean told his brother when he finally could get Y/n out of those ropes. And Sam knew he was right. At that point, no one could save Y/n unless God or his angels. Maybe she was not so lucky coming across a nasty supernatural creature like that but she was lucky enough that Cas arrived just on time and healed her. However, angels can only heal physical wounds. But Y/n was hurt much more than that. She couldn't just move on from the things that the bastard had put her through. Even after Cas tricked her brain to forget some certain things, she still had bad nightmares and had this dark shade of hopelessness in her eyes. Soon, she started to eat and talk less and less. And Dean just couldn't let her go. He really wanted to fix all of that for her but she kept shutting him out… until the depression hit her. It was so bad that Cas felt the need to tell them to prepare themselves for her death. Because after all those days and unlike everything else in their lives, The Winchesters were already used to her presence around them; like the way a lonely person can get used to a wounded cat more and faster than anyone else.
"I'm not gonna hunt until I'm sure she can live her normal life." When Dean stated that, Sam really thought he was joking. But after a few days he started to believe it. Dean truly would do anything to keep her alive. From cooking vegetables to laughing at his own dad jokes in front of Y/n to make her smile. That was when Sam started to feel that they can be more than a random hunter/rescued victim relationship! It felt like his brother had finally found his motivation in life: "Saving Y/n."
Gradually Y/n started to respond to this special attention from Dean with trust and smiles. Soon they became a power couple that could motivate each other so easily that sometimes Charlie would call them out. And honestly Sam had no problem with it. In fact Y/n had become his other sister.
"My God, Dean! You're burning up!" It was two day after a werewolf hunt in which Dean had got hurt. At first it was just some scratches on his arms and chest. Yet as the time passed, more symptoms started to appear: headache, pain, fever, cold sweat, even nose bleeding and before they could figure it out, Dean fell unconscious. Apparently the claws of the werewolf were poisonous. However Sam wasn't sure. The only thing he got no doubts about was the fact that it was already too late. Dean couldn't make it to the hospital. So either Sam had to do anything possible to save him or Cas should've picked up his God damn phone.
"No. no, no, no, no. Dean … Dean!!!"
That was when Sam got to hear Y/n's helpless cry and see her true feelings. She was already in love with his brother.
Luckily, unlike typical love stories; no one died that night. Sam's antidote worked. And Dean opened his eyes an hour later.
"Sammy … Y/n?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Y/n grabbed his face and put her thirsty lips on her beloved hunter's, letting the tears stream down on her face… and then his.
"Never do that again." She begged, breaking the kiss, her trembling hands holding Dean's face so she could look into his eyes.
Sam couldn't stop his smile remembering how cute they were. Y/n literally had Dean wrapped around her little finger, to the point he accepted to teach her how to hunt and soon she was part of their team too. Until … a few months ago. After two years of them being constantly close to each other, Sam could tell something was off when Dean started to go out without eating breakfast with Y/n. Of course she got suspicious after the third time and that was when their endless arguments started.
"Why don't you just tell me what's wrong?"
"Because nothing is wrong, Y/n."
Actually there was. Something was VERY wrong. Anyone could tell that just by the change in Dean's eyes whenever he wanted to look at Y/n. Day by day he was getting more quiet and cold. Now they didn't even eat pie together or watch movies late at night. And Sam couldn't ignore his brother being grumpy or drunk on hunts, not anymore.
"Ok man, I've had enough. You either tell me what's wrong with you or next time I won't make any excuses so you can leave Y/n out of our hunt plans. I'm serious, Dean, I'll tell her the truth." He finally said, when they were alone in the impala, on their way to do their next hunt.
"She wants more."
"More?"
"Yeah. Sometimes it's like she sees more in me. She thinks we can have a different life. There's no need for any saying, I can see it in her eyes whenever we accidentally come across some family at a diner that try to feed their kids or people's wedding photos whenever we go to talk with some witnesses or whoever during the research! Sometimes she even looks up wedding dresses or kid stuff on the net!" Dean blew his anger out of his nostrils and sighed, shaking his head.
"Wow." Sam couldn't find the proper word to say but he couldn't hide his surprised face either.
"What?" Dean gave him an annoyed look.
"I mean …" Sam chuckled. "… are you telling me you're actually angry with her for imagining the things you always dream about?!"
"Sam …"
"No, really. I'm just curious. What's wrong with you, man?" Sam asked genuinely, waiting for an answer.
"What's wrong with me?! You think something is wrong with me just because I'm the rational one in this relationship; who's actually able to see the difference between a dream and the reality?"
Yeah, anyone could take that earnest speech, but not Sam. He'd seen and knew enough about his brother.
"What's the reality? Aren't you and Y/N living that dream life already?"
"What?! No. No … that's not the same." Dean shook his head.
"Really? How is it not? It's been two years, Dean. You two are constantly with and/or around each other. Always worried when the other one is in trouble and still looking at one another like there is nothing in the world that can make you happy as much as this relationship. So … excuse me if I won't buy your pretty speech; man ." Sam said, Rolling his eyes.
"Ok, let's say you're right but ... is it gonna be like that forever? With all the supernatural crap that we have to take care of … and the constant danger and chaos in this hunter life we have… I …"
"You what?" Sam asked when Dean didn't finish his sentence. He was lost in his thoughts, staring at this unknown point in the depth of the road. Finally he blew out his despair.
"I just can't let her fall for the things I know I can't provide for her. It's not fair, Sammy. It's not fair to lock her up in this dark life with me just because she loves me … especially while I know there is a whole bright future out there waiting for her."
"Here we go, the old Dean's self-doubt" Sam thought to himself as he took a deep breath before finding the best words to wake his brother up from this nightmare
"Yeah, I know but I don't think it's your call. If Y/n wants to go to hell with you instead of living in heaven with someone else, it's her choice. Not your responsibility. Right?"
Dean shook his head while his lips curved up a little to fake a smile but he never answered or said anything about that conversation ever again. He kept his silence for like three weeks … until someone new showed up: "Gary Smith". A tall man with the most stylish haircut and the most perfect teeth and smile.
They saw him for the first time at their hangout bar, as the new bartender who almost jumped in Y/n's way as soon as they entered the bar.
"Oh my God, bunny! Is this really you?" He said, pulling her in his embrace. Like she was the long time missing piece of his beloved puzzle!
"Bonny? You're wrong. Her name is Y/n." Dean said, pretty annoyed by the way Gary tightened his arms around Y/n's little shoulders, making him chuckle.
"No, uh … it's just a nickname." Y/n said as soon as the guy let her go.
"Yeah, actually the most fitting nickname that I could think of. I mean … you have to agree. She got the most cute little ears in the world." The guy explained, chuckling and pulling on her little star earring. Well, if Sam wanted to be honest, he had to agree with him. He never paid any attention to it before but now that Gary mentioned it, he could tell Y/n's ears were truly small.
"I see … So … I guess this means you were close friends?" Dean said, already hating the way Y/n e's blushed with hearing her old nickname.
"Uh … well, no. Actually more than that." The guy grinned, ruffling his own hair while he was awkwardly laughing and looking at Y/n. Just like a proud embarrassed teen!
"We used to date." Y/n said.
*oh* Sam tried his best not to let that stupid grin sit on his lips but Dean's frown and his sudden heavy silence didn't let him do so.
"Yeah. We are kinda each other's first. Like … you know? prom date." The man added, giving Y/n a wink while Dean's gaze was still locked on his large arm around her shoulders.
"Yeah. It's been years, Gary."
"I know. But believe me, bunny. you still look the same." He said, bending to put a kiss on her right cheek.
Dean would kill him. Sam just knew that. Because his brother's eyes were already burning with jealousy.
"By the way, don't you wanna tell me who these gentlemen are ?" The guy asked Y/n, giving her his softest smile.
"Of course. This is Sam and this is Dean. My colleagues who are my friends now. I live in their place."
After they met, everything got even more complicated. Y/n, the girl who was still trying to get old-happy-days Dean back suddenly stopped whatever she used to do. No more complains, no waiting at nights to see Dean before going to bed, no more effort to get involved in hunts, no nothing. And despite what Dean had claimed before, it was making Dean even more frustrated. Day to day he and Y/n were getting colder towards each other and there was nothing he could do to fix it. That was what made him even more furious. Sam already knew all of that and he still had to live with both of those grumpy faces. So last night when they began to fight, he could see this was coming: Y/n left the bunker after Dean let some hurtful things out of his mouth, just because he didn't know how to deal with all the heartache anymore. He now was convinced that Y/n didn't love him anymore. Yet the next day after drinking whatever strong drink they had, he begged Sam to come with him. Apparently Jodie texted Dean about Y/n being in her place for that night. Just to make sure that her crazy step son won't sell his soul over a tracking spell! So Dean almost begged his brother to be there with him, cause Dean believed that as much as Y/n didn't care about him, she still respected Sam and cared about him. Like a little sister and her elder brother.
So here they were, In Jodie's living room, in front of her and Y/n.
"Considering your sleepy eyes, I think we caught you at bed time, huh?" Sam asked, checking Y/n's obvious eye bags.
"Who says that? I'm totally good, Sam."
She said with a small smile, looking much more in control and stronger than before. So Sam knew it was a lie. Y/n Just had made her peace with what had happened last night. The realization۹ kicked Dean in the gut. Y/n always used to be stronger and bolder when she got hurt.
"I'm gonna make some coffee for us. Why don't you guys take a seat till I come back?"
Jodie interrupted, to ease the heavy and sharp silence that suddenly had fallen over all of them.
Y/n gave her a smile.
"Of course."
It was so fake. Her smile didn't even curl her lips completely. She was still badly hurting.
Sam swore in his head when he looked over his brother who sank silently into the nearest seat at the end of the table like a broken shell that he was too . One of Dean's hands was in the pocket of his jacket, the other formed a fist on the table. Sam was sure Dean knew it too. He knew everything was almost past saving. "Almost". Sam tried to stick to their small chance.
"So …" He cleared his voice before he put some (semi fake) hope into his words."You're … you're gonna come back home today or did Alex and Claire made you promise them otherwise?" He laughed and tried to make it funny but the truth was he asked this for Dean's sake, knowing he already was struggling to find the words … to let Y/n know how much he wanted her back … to ask her to come back.
"To be honest … I don't think I can live in the bunker anymore." Y/n said and as Dean's head snapped up to look at her in horror, she raised her hand to stop his (likely) protests.
"I applied for a job 3 weeks ago and to my surprise they called me this morning to tell me I'd actually got it."
*What?*
No one had to ask it. The question was already hung in the air. She snored mockingly in her nose. "Perfect timing, right?"
She moved her gaze from her interlocked fingers on the table to Dean's eyes.
He didn't answer, he didn't move but he got tense. Still staring back at Y/n.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Sam asked, once again saving Dean from asking the question he was itching to ask with some other words that for sure couldn't be nice.
"I wanted to but I didn't think I could actually get it and even if I did, I never figured out how to tell you. Besides, I never considered the "move out" option before..." She looked at Sam for a second before she turned her gaze on Dean. "... But I actually appreciate that you bring it up. I think now I can take the advice. I'm gonna move on."
Sam's heart dropped in his stomach when he heard those words. Because he knew what this meant. It felt something like having to watch Dean get stabbed in the heart.
"Is this … because of that Bartender?" Dean asked, staring deadly at Y/n with his bloodshot eyes. He was already chewing on his bottom lip. And Sam knew a heavy storm was on its way to hit them.
"I don't want to answer that question."
*shit*
"Why? Because you can't just simply say no?" Dean scolded and Sam could see how it pushed on Y/n boundaries.
"No. Because it's not your fucking business and it's not Gary's business either. But at least he knows his limits."
*well, fuck*
"By "limits" you mean when he drools on you just because for God knows whatever the reason, you started to wear leather jackets when we go there?"
"WHAT?!"
*Oh, fuck* Sam thought to himself, watching Y/n rise from her seat.
"You think … you really think that I …" she laughed nervously and Sam could tell she would punch Dean in the face if she wasn't a sweet, super nice person.
"How you can even …"
"I can even what, Y/n? Are we now going to pretend like I'm a blind man who can't see how you got attracted to your ex again? Did you really think I couldn't see how your hands were shaking when his filthy face lighted up by seeing you for the first time after all these years?"
Sam wanted to interrupt him or at least leave the room but everything was happening so fast.
"So what? Why and since when you care about my private life?"
"Since you stopped drinking bunker's beers just because you rather drink those crappy poisonous cocktails he makes at the bar!"
Dean was on his feet now as well. And despite his will, Sam couldn't stop his smile. He never saw his brother this jealous before. It was fun.
"Poisonous? … You … of all people, you are the one who says this? cause as much as I know, you're the one who puts dormitives in my guest's food so the poor guy gets tired and can't spend his time with me!"
"Yeah, because your poor guy is not welcomed in MY PLACE!" Dean yelled, punching the table with so much power that made everyone almost jump out of their skins.
"Dean!" Finally Sam interrupted but as soon as he stood up, someone rang the doorbell and Sam could hear Jodie welcoming someone inside.
"Guys … I know it's not my place to interfere but you two really need to sort things out somewhere private … of course that's when both of you can be much calmer than this."
"No, we have nothing to say or to talk about, anymore. Your brother was clear enough when he said he wants me to move out, so I'll move out. And that's it."
Y/n declared, looking at Sam to resist any eye contact with Dean, probably to make him even more crazy.
"And that's it? You wanna ignore that part where you were too eager and ready to accept that suggestion and leave the bunker instantly like your pants were on fire?!"
Dean retorted while Y/n was shaking her head like she couldn't believe him.
"Whose pants are on fire?" Jodie interrupted as soon as she re-entered the room with the coffees she'd made, this time a man was with her. Y/n's guy. The famous bartender.
*Oh, No!*
Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a second so the guy couldn't read his face.
"Obviously not mine." Dean hissed through his teeth, looking first at the guy and then at Y/n with such a disappointment and rage that no one could ignore.
"Hey, what's wrong?" The guy asked, choosing the worst spot to stand on: right next to Y/n.
"My typical life I guess. Nothing's new." She mumbled in reply to him but her eyes were still on Dean.
"No, nothing is wrong with your life, Y/n. It's about your choices. That's what's wrong with you. As always." Dean said bitterly. As sharp as a knife, as cold as ice. Sam could see how it drained color from Y/n's face.
"You better watch your mouth, buddy." The Gary guy warned Dean and Sam could tell that if it wasn't for the sudden thud sound that stole everyone's attention, Dean would throw a fight right there. But …
"Y/n!" Jodie almost screamed. Y/n was laying on the floor, seemingly unconscious.
"Oh, God." Sam said as Jodie rushed to her.
"Y/n? … Y/n can you hear me?"
As she sat next to her, Gary's fingers already were on Y/n's carotid pulse point. So Sam couldn't stop himself from looking up at his brother, who was still standing where he was. In shock.
"Oh, shit!" Gary's worried voice made Sam check Y/n's pale face again but Jodie was the one to dare ask the question which was on everyone's minds.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Her pulse ... too faint." He said before turning to Dean: "Is she bleeding?"
"Bleeding?" Dean blinked and mumbled in confusion.
If it was up to Sam, he'd ask *What bleeding?* & *Why are you asking this from my brother?*
"Oh my. You still don't know. Do you?" Gary sneered.
"Know what? What's happening?" Jodie was freaking out now and Sam actually felt the same. He didn't like the way this stranger pretended like he knew her better than them. However what happened next was much more unexpected. And … rude!
To everyone's surprise, the guy reached out to Y/n's jeans and drew his hand between her legs but before anyone could react, he spread her legs open so it could be possible for everyone to see that big red stain there. Then he raised his hand. It was all wet and red in blood!
"She's having a miscarriage." He revealed.
Sam's gaze instantly caught Dean's ... Burning. Dean was burning inside with his heavy silence.
"Don't you worry. It's not mine." Gary added more fuel to that hell with such a mocking tone, staring right back at Dean's eyes.
Now Sam could feel it. The storm was there: rising in his brother's roar!
Before Sam could've moved any muscles, Gary was already pinned to the wall, Dean's hands on his now-ripped-out collar.
"Dean, no!" Sam jumped in, trying to catch his brother's arm before his fist make any contact with the guy's nose but all he could do was changing the direction of the punch which landed on Gary's shoulder, making a painful cracking sound.
"I said no … Dean, stop it." Sam had to literally cage Dean in his arms so the furious man couldn't tear Gary apart.
"Get off me, Sam. This son of a bitch has to learn his place."
"Enough!" As Dean just broke himself free, Jodie's scream stopped everyone in their tracks.
"It's enough!" Jodie warned all three men, pointing at them one by one.
"You want to fight? Not here. Not in my house!"
"But ..."
As soon as Dean opened his mouth to protest, Jodie cut him:
"And you … you should know Y/n is pregnant with your twins. So … you'll be a responsible man who will try his best to save them or you can get the hell out of here and never come back!"
"What?" Sam was too shocked to suppress his reaction while Dean couldn't even find any words to say. His confused look darted between Jodie's face and Y/n's figure while his parted lips kept moving without making any noise, just like a dying fish on the shore!
"I promised her not to tell anyone but it was a promise under normal conditions, not this." Jodie sighed, struggling to keep her emotions under control. Sam saw the worry in her frown. Like a real mother, worried for her children. However it was nothing in comparison to his brother's blank eyes and pale face.
"Dean, It's ok. We just need to take her to hospital. … it's ok, man. I promise."
He had to grab Dean by his jacket, as his brother was struggling to process all of these in his head.
"Come on, man. We got no time. Do I need to do this alone or you'll …"
"Get the car, Sammy."
It was just a simple sentence. Yet it had enough power to make Sam's heart sank. Since Dean had put the car keys in his hand saying that, Sam couldn't stop thinking about that tone. Dean never had called Baby a "car" In years. And Sam had never heard that crack in his voice since their Dad's death.
"You ok?" He finally let himself ask, two hours after they arrived at the hospital.
"I want to be." Dean closed his eyes and put his head against the cold wall, letting the dim light to darken the shadows under his eyes.
"I'm sure she'll be good. She's strong, Dean. You know that."
He smiled and Sam looked away not to watch him. He knew that smile. Dean used to give him that, whenever everything was gone so wrong that Dean couldn't promise him anything good. Like when both of them were still kids. Hungry, cold and all alone in a rusty motel room where John had left them on their own for a one day long hunt but then a heavy snow had crashed the roads and kept them apart for half a week. So Dean had to wash the dishes and do the laundry in the motel to rent the room for another day and provide some snacks so they wouldn't starve to death. But after three days, the hotel managers didn't want them to be around. And Sam could vividly remember that smile on his brother's face when he asked: *Where should we go then?*
"You were always such a father material. You know?"
Sam admitted with a broken smile on his face.
"You were always responsible, kind and caring with me as a kid. And I can't imagine anyone who deserves to be a father more than you."
Dean took a deep breath and opened his eyes without looking at him: "But I don't want ... I really can't, Sammy."
All, it certainly wasn't the response Sam had expected. He used to believe that Dean would never turn down any chance to start a family with Y/n. Especially after everything in the world was back to normal.
"Are you kidding me? You always wanted this."
"No …" Dean finally turned his gaze to meet his brother's confused eyes. "No, Sammy. Not like this. I don't want to raise another kid without his mom. I'm not that strong anymore."
Dang. Once again Sam's heart dropped in his stomach. Dean was really helpless.
"Mr. Winchester?"
Dean was on his feet as Sam just realized the doctor's presence.
"It's me."
Sam prayed for any good news as doctor took a glance of Dean and fixed his glasses on his face …
"To be continued …"
READ CHAPTER 2 HERE
tag list:
@jay-and-dean @adoptdontshoppets @akshi8278
The next and also ultimate chapter will post on Sunday, April 25. Thanks for reading.
Feedback are always appreciated.
#dean x reader#dean winchester x reader#dean x ofc#dean x you#dean winchester#allyswritingevent#Acklesterritory#dean winchester x ofc#dean x y/n#dean winchester x you
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andie!! i hope you're doing well 💖🥺 i was wondering - do you have any tips for resetting yourself to be in the mood to write? i've really been struggling lately and my head feels like a jumbled mess when i try to write. like the ideas are there but not the motivation and it's super frustrating 😭 i want to take a hiatus but i wouldn't even know where to start, if that makes sense? i feel like writing is my only hobby so i guess it's a struggle to think of what i could do to make myself like writing again :'( any advice is welcome if it's not too much hassle!
either way i hope that this week will be kind to you! i always look forward to seeing you on my dash and it makes me incredibly happy to hear when you're doing well 💖 please remember to take care of yourself as summer approaches and the weather gets hotter! 🙏
Hello my angel!! I hope you're doing well too!! This is something I am still figuring out too but I can share some of the things that have worked for me so far, and I hope that they will work for you too!
It sounds like a hiatus would be good, honestly! They have always worked for me. Sometimes you get to the point where you feel like you should be writing but you can't, whether it be burnout, writer's block, plot holes, etc, and you end up feeling really guilty about it. Having a negative emotion like that attached to your writing is the last thing you need right now, so free yourself from that however you can! Tell people you're on hiatus so you don't feel obligated to keep uploading right now, or go work on a different story if you're in the mood for that one instead. Close out your story doc and go do something with friends for the weekend; anything where you are very visibly or literally moving away from the story.
Second, don't beat yourself up!! This is literally part of the process for everybody, and you do not need to feel like this is somehow a failing of yours, or that you won't know how to return to your work. You will. When you feel interested in it again, enough that you can't resist opening the doc, that's when you will know. Until then, just enjoy life and try not to stress. I haven't published a chapter in a month now (last year I think I went close to three months without writing anything, and once i abandoned a story i was publishing for like six months??) and sometimes it just takes that long! Let it happen and know it's supposed to happen.
Another thing you probably need is some inspiration. I have noticed that if I spend too much time writing instead of reading, I lose interest and all of my motivation. Dedicating too much brain power to just one hobby can really take it out of you. Give yourself the freedom to consume instead of writing as your only outlet! Read new fics, new books, watch a new show--the change of pace can be really refreshing and inspiring, and will again give you that little bit of distance from your own work.
Lastly, this is the most trivial tip I have but I'm throwing it in here anyway just in case!! I have read like a million things where writers say taking a walk helps them. I imagine this is different for everyone and it might not work for you, but it works for me! I like going for a run or a series of long walks over a couple of days and just taking the time to think about my work while I am physically very distant from the tools of authorship. Then there's that distance again, and less pressure to commit it all to paper--there is just the abstract, and sometimes the thinking something but not being able to write it makes me excited to eventually get it down, and that motivates me to return to the work so I can! Maybe something like chatting about your work to a friend while you're out, or another activity where you're thinking about it but distant from it would work the same!!
I hope you're doing well and being very kind and patient with yourself during this part of the process! Please just remember this IS a part of the process, whether we like it or not lol, and its purpose is to force you to refresh, so don't feel guilty and make the most of that break time!!
Sending you all my most positive vibes!! 💕✨
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Fic Writer Questions! (you can find me here on AO3 if you're interested!)
tagged by dear @theburialofstrawberries mwah!
1) How many works do you have on AO3?
112 yowza!
2) What’s your total AO3 word count?
750,421 kinda tempted to go delete one word so it can be 750420 which is a far more Pleasing number
3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
12ish but some of them overlap: BBCS/Sherlock Holmes/ACD (these are all different bc my bbcs fics are not the same as my own modern fem Sherlock Holmes adaptation are not the same as my ACD Holmes fic; Good Omens; Harry Potter/The Werewolf Draco Malfoy Cinematic Universe; Captive Prince; The Hobbit; Fleabag (it was a crossover with BBCS but Fleabag is the perspective character so it still counts as a separate fandom imo); Doctor Who; The Office; Parks and Rec; Broad City (one a piece for those last 5 but I AM going to write a Parks and Rec polycule fic for @gaykagome)
4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
They're all Good Omens fics from the 2019 Summer of Good Omens! Susceptible to Summer, Fragments Shored Against My Ruin, Something So Magic, Enter Serpent, and Anything We Like
All of those have over 2k except the last one, but average engagement for me is like 400 kudos or so
5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
I try! It depends on what's going on with me. Sometimes I just don't have the energy, and I figure people would rather I spend my brain power on writing new fics than on writing replies to comments. Wish I had a fave button tho so I could let people know I read and reread comments, because I do!
6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
Oh I wrote this ficlet series called A Chemical Defect about John and Sherlock's relationship in s3 of BBCS, and it's WILDLY unpopular. People don't read my fic to cry sad tears I guess! John and Sherlock are having an affair in the story, and it ends with the implication that their relationship is unsustainable and that Mary knows about it anyway. I intended to come back to it after s4 and write a more optimistic ending but LOL! Didn't have the heart.
7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?
I know this answer is kinda up my own ass, but like. I think stories that feel true to life sort of feel like they end on a beginning if you know what I mean? You don't really consider a chapter of your life closed until you look back on it from the next? SO that said, I think I'd have to say that it's my big BBCS serial The Only One in the World. I spent 2 years writing it, and it ends with John retiring from medicine to solve crimes and write books full time.
Could also be my WDMCU (werewolf Draco Malfoy cinematic universe) series Moonrise, which starts with Draco isolated in his abusive mother's house, trying to cope with lycanthropy essentially alone and ends with him in love and surrounded by found family in a cozy cottage in Hogsmeade, having gotten some lycanthrope rights legislation passed after working at it for years and talking to Harry about whether they want to have kids. Oh man I feel warm and fuzzy just thinking about it
8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?
I have written one crossover. It's BBCS/Fleabag, because me and @loudest-subtext-in-tv were laughing about how John seems like one of the horrible guys Fleabag sleeps with basically out of self loathing, so I wrote this fic to make Nattie laugh, and you should read it bc it's so good and so underrated.
9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Not really, but people don't seem to know that authors can read bookmark tags unless you private the bookmark, and someone once put in the bookmark tag on one of my fics 'writing was meh but it was okay.' Okay so why bookmark it then??
10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?
Fuck yes! I'm not sure what 'what kind?' means? People fucking? Sloppy, silly, and awkward, with lots of laughing. I also really like writing afterglow scenes which are even sillier and gigglier and often involve one character cooking for another. Food as love language is a very distinct pattern of mine tbh
11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I'm aware of, but occasionally I'll write a post on here where I make some elaborate head canon, and I'll see people in the tags talking about how they want to write fic of it, and it makes me breathe fire out of my nose like a dragon like PLEASE DON'T. The WDMCU came out of a ficlet post I made on here like a year before I actually wrote the 60k series so like!!! Please don't do that!
12) Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes! To Russian and I believe Chinese. Not my entire oeuvre but a handful of BBCS and Good Omens fics
13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?
No, but I wrote a fic inspired by an RP I did with my gf right around when we met (actually now that I think about it, it's two fics), and I waaaaaaanna do a WDMCU collab with my beloved Sally @clytemenestras at some point if he has time bc he inspired me to even write werewolf draco with his original lesbian werewolf story
14) What’s your all time favorite ship?
favorites are hard for me? I always think I'm currently doing my best writing lol so I'll say drarry
15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
I don't post fics unless theyre finished, so I don't have any WIP up on AO3, but I did intend to continue with my fem Sherlock Holmes series, Your Many Tendencies. I just haven't been in a Holmes mood for a long time. Maybe I'll come back to it idk. This particular series is honestly very unpopular? People will just straight up say they don't read femslash, and it hurts a lot. This series feels really personal too, bc it's about a Black autistic nonbinary lesbian, so it does hurt my feelings that no one seems to care, yknow? I mean the people who read it are extremely kind and thoughtful in their engagement with it, but it has vastly less engagement than my m/m fic, and that's painful. It gets literally 1/10 the attention my fics usually get.
16) What are your writing strengths?
Almost all of my writing is romance, but I tend to write concurrently about recovery and found family, and I think I'm very good at doing that in a way that connects with my audience. I once had someone ask if they could use my words in their wedding vows, and I've had people tell me they started doing things with their spouse that my characters do with their partners in order to express love. I think about that all the time. My Impact. It makes me feel like I have a real duty to my audience yknow?
17) What are your writing weaknesses?
This question is hard for me like I've been writing so long and so much that I'm literally always happy with my final draft! It's always exactly to my taste, yknow? I suppose I could say that my fics tend not to be terribly plotty but so WHAT? That's beside the fuckn point for me. Plot who? I don't know Her. Also honestly like. Stories feel more True to me when they aren't ruthlessly devoted to plot bc like life isn't like that yknow?
18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
If you're not fluent in that language, get a beta who is!!!!! That said, I have written scraps of very simple dialogue in French using mostly Google Translate (sometimes I check w Sally bc he speaks French but I am usually too impatient), and I am perfectly well aware that I take my life in my hands each time!!! Also don't do that bullshit thing where it's in italics? That shit is weird and exoticizing. Just write it in quotation marks like normal dialogue.
19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?
BBCS babey back in 2012. Ended a 5 year dry spell for me after I got my writing degree.
20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?
Hmmmm I think it's probably gonna be the fic I'm working on now that I haven't posted yet, but I know it's called Names for a House, and here's a tiny bit of it
Thanks again Shreya for asking me to do this bc I really love talking about myself. I tag @the-moon-loves-the-sea, @clytemenestras, @tomiano, @gaykagome and @totallysilvergirl
No pressure <3
#sherlock stuff#ask games#apliddell#if y'all wanna send me asks about names for a house#or anything else i mentioned here#they would be welcome
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this is kind of a Hot Take (and rlly long) so don't feel pressured to post this
also no one cancel thedreadvampy over posting this ask if she does these are my beliefs and not necessarily hers kthx
I'm honestly really uncertain why people are so militant about aphobia on this site. like obviously aphobes are Not Nice People and it's good to be against their shitty beliefs. But I've been on this site for ~5 years and I have never, in my memory, seen an aphobe (with the few exception of like. literal nazis but their main label isn't aphobe). I have seen a lot of people who were then harassed/cancelled being called aphobes in addition to a lot of other things like (homophobic, racist, abusive, etc) but as far as I bothered to figure out, the label of aphobe came from one specific phrase they used or one post they reblogged (though I can't be bothered to Deep Research so I genuinely don't know on this one).
(I have seen casual acephobia in my own personal life. however, that is not Tumblr.)
I have seen scores of posts along the lines of "aphobes are bad" "aphobes dni" etc etc.
Maybe it's just who I follow, but it seems like there's a lot more anti-aphobe sentiment than aphobes. Which is good! It's the goal! However, I think it's possible that that anti-aphobe sentiment has not become "look how few aphobes there are! yay!" it's "there are hidden aphobes all around us and you have to interrogate everyone to know who to ostracize"
You're a fairly popular figure in the mechs/tma fandoms and the thing about Tumblr is that it hates popular figures. And more than that, you're visible, so a) people will see if you answer a bunch of questions about ace things, and b) you exist in everyone's brains more than little blogs.
to be clear. to be absolutely crystal 100% clear: I am not saying that people got together and went "let's interrogate all the popular blogs so we can pretend theyre acephobic and have fun bullying people," I'm saying it's possible that what was once a positive emotion, "we don't tolerate intolerant people" has possibly, in some people, morphed into a fear that intolerant people are hiding all around them. And frankly, that fear can be understandable (not right, not kind, but understandable), especially if they face hate irl and their only outlet for emotion is tumblr. shit, Tumblr is one of my emotional outlets.
I don't think it's bad to engage with these people in good faith, or to answer questions, but I think it's possible that some of them are coming from the "intolerant people are hiding all around us and must be ferreted out" kind of perspective instead of a "hey I wanna check that this person isn't an intolerant asshole before following/supporting them" or "I want to engage with a person who may be ignorant" (I'm not attempting to imply that you're ignorant). Im not saying "not answer their questions" this is just, like, my opinion. I'm not making a lot of actionable statements here.
that's my whole Hot Take, hopefully I made some kind of sense, I just honestly feel kind of mad on your behalf that you have to go thru an interrogation to be Not Tumblr Cancelled. If people were generally having a nuanced discussion then that would be fine but you've already stated several times that ace/aspec people are valid and deserve love and respect etc etc. which as an aspec person makes me feel that your blog is safe for me, and I don't feel the need to play 20 Questions Are You Sure You Aren't An Aphobe
I don't know how much of this I entirely agree with and I refuse to think
(not about this. just in general. today I refuse to think)
my main response to this is:
a) I think my confusion is I have less than 1500 followers I think I always assumed the You Are Now A Public Figure People Have Opinions On mark had to be higher than that but this appears to have been a totally incorrect assumption
b) I don't feel like. a threat of Cancellation except inasmuch as I don't want Kofi to eventually get any kind of kickback if I turn out to be or people understand me to be a shitty person. I didn't ask for a platform or do anything to deserve it, if I get distressed it's largely just that I don't want to be a shitty person! and I have a whole thing about. I don't ever feel secure in my ability to say I'm NOT being shitty so like if enough people start saying AH RUTH THEDREADVAMPY IS A GARBAGE PERSON I definitely do stay wondering if they're right even if I think my position is morally defensible. like I'm very easy to get into a spiral of I think that's highly defensible but maybe I'm just in denial/trying to cover my ass/self-justifying so I can avoid accountability/etc. like this is a thing and it's why I'm very uncomfortable with absolutism, a lot of my family in my experience have a phenomenal capacity for denial and for rewriting reality into something they Fully Believe despite all the evidence, and so I'm really conscious of the possibility that I'm doing that and I wouldn't. know about it. it's a really really powerful subconscious force and that's been like. a big fear point for me my whole life. that I could be being a cunt and be obviously being a cunt and be so deep in denial that it just doesn't register at all. this is like. the thing I fear most. So I DO want people to tell me if I'm being a dick because the only way I can 100% know I'm not just in denial is if I can trust people to call me in, but I really, really, really struggle with when people say I'm being a dick and I disagree, not because they're harassing me necessarily but just because it really sends me into a spiral of doubting my own ability to be sure about like, anything. at all. it's a whole unreality thing which is, uh, it's MINE to deal with, it's not something I would want to put on other people, but it very much does affect my responses and I didn't mean to write this but hey, no therapy last week and it shows.
oh also c) on reflection I don't agree that there's very little aphobia on Tumblr (although as I've said I'm not ace or aro so my opinion should hold little weight) but I do think that there's a lack of give and take, not just in aphobia stuff but also in general, in these kinds of conversations, like sometimes yeah people are actively hateful but I don't think there's any room for misunderstanding, poor phrasing, or questioning, and I understand that that's coming from a really genuine place of pain and devaluation of aro/ace experiences but I also think people jump straight to assuming active malice very fast, and often explicitly consider "actively not stating an opinion" to be an offence on the level of "actively staying a harmful opinion," which I think is unhelpful. like. we learn by listening, there are times in my life where I would have been lying at the time to agree unconditionally with something like "I think we should believe survivors" (I was a 2000s teen who hung out with 4channers) but I also was conscious of the harm that it would do to publicly debate from the perspective that No We Shouldn't Believe Survivors, so you know I waited and I listened and I thought about it and ultimately I came to a position I could say with my chest. but like. The online social more that you Have to have an opinion and I Have to hear it to prove that you have the Right opinion is. uncomfortable to me to say the least. I don't think it gives you much room to learn and improve, especially given that everything on the internet is permanent and often treated as if it forever reflects your current beliefs. like I have changed my opinions So Much since I was 16 and if someone went back through a tag on my blog to Prove My Bad Opinions they could paint pretty much any picture they wanted with 12 years of changing opinions.
anyway yeah like. no I don't fully agree with this ask but I appreciate the alternate perspective. I also did not mean to write another wall of text I'm just very much In A Brain Hole today and sometimes words Just Happen.
#i don't want this to pop up in Discourse tags that will double ruin my brain off scrolling experience#but i do want people to be able to filter this stuff out#I'm gonna go wiiiiiiith#thedreadvampy adiscourse#so I'll try to tag everything surrounding the question of aphobia and me with that#no gonnae tag my general depression posting with it though that's just What This Blog Exists For
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Sunday Home Cinema: Army of the Dead!!
I haven't done one of these reviews in a long time (thanks to Covid-19 ¬¬) but I'm glad this film was the one to get me back in doing these reviews.
Honestly, I found out about the film about two weeks ago when I clicked on it on YouTube out of curiosity. It looked good and I'm an all big fan of zombie films and series and every zombie-themed film/series, even if it's extremely bad made (e.g. Z Nation but it's so funny to watch).
Sorry for any mistakes or things that make not much sense but I'm writing this at 2.30am and I just wanted to write this down while it's still fresh (I might review it later on if I feel like it).
> SPOILER ALERT AHEAD!! <
Apparently, Zack Snyder's Army of the Dead (here's the trailer), which can be watched on Netflix, is the prequel of Dawn of the Dead from 2004 also directed by him, which was a remake of the George A. Romero classic. I've got a hard time seeing this due to the zombies being so different but well, let's just roll with it.
Scott Ward (played by Dave Bautista) is offered/hired for $50 million by Bly Tanaka (villain/businessman played by Hiroyuki Sanada) to break into a walled Las Vegas after it was overrun by a zombie outbreak starting at the outskirts of the city with patient zero aka alpha zombie Zeus (more to the different zombie types later on) to "apparently" retrieve $200 million that is stashed in a safe at the casino's basement. Basically, it's like Ocean's Eleven but with zombies giving the film a nice touch.
I knew from the moment Tanaka offered Scott this job that there was going to be more to it. Why else would a stinking rich guy like Tanaka need to have a group to retrieve some money when: a. the insurance paid him some of that money back. I know he mentions he can't use it but come on, people like him know how to find either a way around whatever rule there might be or even wash it. And b. he looks like a guy who understands how business works and is well off, so you're telling me he wants to send a group there just for $200 million? B*tch please, I'm sure that's just petty cash to him, and there's surely more to it, especially after one of his goons (Martin) "invites" himself to tag along with the group to "make sure" they get the job done.
If I was offered that kind of money to go to a completely sealed city ruled by zombies, I wouldn't accept it no matter how bad my situation might be. The probability that something might go sideways is too high not to mention the risk that the virus spreads out to the rest of the world, I wouldn’t be able to live with that on my conscience.
In order to pull off this heist Scott assembles a team for the mission:
Vanderohe, the tank and chainsaw man. There'll be a little paragraph for him since his fate doesn't make entirely sense to me.
Marianne Peters, the pilot.
Maria Cruz, the mechanic.
Kate Ward, a volunteer in the quarantine zone. She's Scott's daughter and the only (human) survivor in the film.
Geeta, the mother. She ventures into the zombie-infested Vegas to find money in order to pay for safe passage out of the quarantine zone for herself and her children. I believe she dies in the helicopter crash but we don't see her body, so she might be alive somewhat?
Ludwig Dieter, the thief/safe expert, and I love how he questions everything lol!
Lilly "The Coyote", "the one who knows her stuff" aka zombie expert. Somehow interesting that she's got a conscience/good heart.
Martin, the inside man, and Bly Tanaka's right hand and got the death he deserved by kitten Valentine.
Mikey Guzman, the Sharpshooter and a YouTuber.
Chambers, the muscles and Guzman's sidekick (sort of). Her death was very predictable and her own fault! Girl, why the hell would you tell Martin that you don't trust him directly to his face?! That's such a rookie mistake!!
Burt Cummings, also the muscle for like 5 minutes before turning into the bait/bargain chip for a "deal" with the zombies in order to pass their territory. Overall, he's just a big jerk.
We see the first five people are survivors of the outbreak when Vegas was "freshly" being overrun by zombies and barely made it out of the city before it was completely sealed off. The rest of them are new characters. Almost none of them have any deep character story/feeling/development, most of them are quite plain and you don't care whether they survive or not. I've got also a hard time seeing any father-daughter relationship between Scott and Kate. I get that they haven't talked to each other since Scott had to put down Kate's mother after she got turned into a zombie but if I hadn’t seen the beginning I'd say they're just two strangers who met during the outbreak and he saved her at some point.
I very much like the fact that they introduce different types of zombies! On one hand, we've got the standard zombies aka shamblers who move slowly and are dead if you blow their brains out and if they bite you you become a shambler too. Then, there are the alphas who are fast (so fast that they can dodge bullets), they can also think, take orders, and are very organised. If you're bitten by one you become an alpha too but they also die if they're shot in the head which is easier said than done! We've also got a zombie horse, that's more bone than anything else, and a big tiger kitten called Valentine who used to be part of Siegfried & Roy's show (which also throws in the question, during which year is this movie set? They've both already passed away and they haven’t been retired from the entertainment world for a while before they passed away, and we see Tanaka carrying a modern mobile, so it must be during the past 2-3 our years.)
Their leader is patient zero aka Zeus who we see at the beginning being transported by a convoy of soldiers from Area 51 to somewhere else but never makes it there because he breaks free due to part of the convoy crashing into a car of a recent married (while the guy gets a blowjob and doesn’t watch the road!). He also takes the Bride as his queen (later on she's beheaded and her head still alive), who we see to be pregnant!! HOLY COW!! This throws in sooo many questions! For instance, how do zombies reproduce? The same way as we humans? What will the baby look like? Full zombie? A hybrid, half-human half-zombie? What power would they have? Do I even want to know or see this? Probably. Probably not. How many times did I wish they'd have introduced something like this in TWD (before I stopped watching it). At some point the virus that makes people zombies is supposed to mutate, every virus mutates at some point. We did already see a zombie baby in Dawn of the Dead but that was different since the woman was already in the late stages of pregnancy when she got bit. This one was one that was produced from zombie sex. I’ve got a feeling that their sex must be quite violent to say the least. Also, they way how the care for each other, especially Zeus for his Bride and child and seeks vengeance for both their deaths showing they’re capable of feeling and caring for their people. Maybe, just maybe want to find a way to survive without having to turn people but I think they’ll still need humans as a source of food. I don’t think they’re capable to live from eating normal food.
I've to make a special mention about Vanderohe. Besides, the fact that he's very attractive, there are a few things that don't make entirely sense to me.
He survives the nuclear blast of Las Vegas since he was looked inside the safe, which I can see being possible but (a little more possible than Indiana Jones seeking shelter in an old-fashioned fridge from a nuclear blast in Indiana Jones and Kingdom of Crystal Skull)... the whole city was nuked! And I mean big smoke of mushroom nuke! So, shouldn't the place, I don't know, be radioactive or something like that? And shouldn’t he find the nearest decontamination shower? Furthermore, it doesn't make sense that he gets infected, i.e. bitten. He gets into a fight with Zeus while they're in front of the safe and I watched that part several times and in slow motion too and we don't see Zeus bit him. There's one time where Zeus almost bites him but his teeth don't end up sinking into the flesh. He has Van in his hold, dislocates his right shoulder, and almost bites him there but only almost! In that same moment, Dieter hits Zeus in the head and pulls Van into the safe closing the door behind him (and most likely gets killed/turned by Zeus). I repeat there's no "visible" scene of Van being bitten by Zeus or any other zombie in another scene. So, where the f*ck did he get the bite and from who? I've also read that there's a theory of Van being immune because he's not turning as quick as the soldiers at the beginning of the movie when Zeus escapes the convoy (he still might be able to infect others though). He starts to feel lightheaded/dizzy and his body feels cold to the touch on the plane, and around the bite we see the veins turning black but that's it.
As much as I love the concept of the movie, it's very predictable as well as easy to figure out who makes it out alive and who makes it out the other kind of "alive" and it also reminded me a bit of Resident Evil (the first film was good and the rest just a waste). Tanaka wanting a fresh sample of an Alpha to make a virus that enables him to create an army of zombies he can control and take over the world. He could be Wesker's twin and his company the equivalent of the Umbrella Corporation. It's worth to watch but it doesn't compare to other zombie films such as 28 Days Later or even Dawn of the Dead (the classic and newer version), and many others.
#army of the dead#zack snyder#netflix#netflix original#sunday home cinema#honest review#film night#movie night#the ending makes no sense
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Okay, time for another long post about a cool weird thing that happened with my cards last night. I still don't know how I feel about deities, I don't know that I'll ever worship one, as that's just not me to worship. But I have felt as though there was an entity, goddess, force, something trying to reach me. Any time I've tried to glean information on who it was, I kept getting a door slammed in my face. I kept getting messages that I wasn't ready. And I was totally fine with that.
I'm unemployed right now, I'm a single mom, and I live with my disabled mother to help take care of her. With COVID-19, we don't take chances as my mom is in the high risk category. What that all means is that I've had way too much time on my hands. So I've been like a sponge, soaking up all the knowledge I can when it comes to witchcraft. Not being ready wasn't that big of a deal, because it just meant I got to do more research and keep putting off stuff I didn't really want to do.
Yesterday, I did my daily card draw, and the message was suddenly way different. Change has always been in the messages, but also the stopping in order to be ready for the changes. Yesterday morning I drew the the star, the chariot, and the hanged man reversed. I took that as a go for it.
Later that day I was prowling all the research servers, and the went to Google something about deities, and found an article/blog post someone had written about wishing people would stop using a very specific tarot spread for deity identification. Naturally, I decide to do that very spread. It was a five card spread, I wrote down what I wanted to know, and started shuffling. I shuffled for what felt like forever, and then when I laid the cards out, without thinking, I laid out 7. At first I was going to put the last two back, but decided to leave them. And the cards were all over the place. But I looked at it, and thought, "whoa, whoever this is, is not messing around.
So this is what I laid out.
Before I get into breaking down what these cards meant and how each one directly correlates to one specific deity, I want to point out where my head was at going into this.
I basically really actually got started with everything like 2 weeks ago. I'm basically still a newborn, right? Anyway, as soon as I start researching, I keep getting drawn to Deities. That's weird because I'm an agnostic and basically have no interest in higher powers. If they're there cool, if not cool. I have always believed that if there is some kind of being that could mold and shape the world, then my puny human brain can't comprehend them anyway, and it's really none of my concern. So, it's been really strange that this repeatedly keeps sticking out for me. I get the distinct impression that whatever energy is reaching out to me is female, a tie to the moon, the feeling of 3 was there, I knew it had to be associated with motherhood, and just a general overall feel of the empowerment of women. Naturally, I just kind of assumed Hecate, but that never actually felt correct to me.
So the 3 of cups being the first card just kind of reinforced the sense of 3 to me, and the whole sisterhood aspects of women empowering women. I wrote down 3, sisterhood, and good times. In the spread that was supposed to be 5 cards (and I did 7), the first card was supposed to sum up who the deity was.
I love my tarot deck for the strength card the most, I think. Strength is a mama bear. Again, this confirms my feeling of being tied to motherhood. The second card was supposed to represent the deities weakness. I wrote mama bear, power, and overly protective.
The third card was the chariot, and according to the spread this was their strength, their power. I wrote down action, strength, determination, will-power.
Then I get to the 4th card, the lovers. This is supposed to be what they rule. This one had me scratching my head. Now the author said this one will be harder to figure out, because the deities could even try to be snarky with this. I didn't even know what to do with this card, but like it made sense later. As I was going through each card individually, however, I came up with nothing, and in turn wrote nothing.
Card 5 was to be their symbol or association, and I had drawn 7 card. Anyway, I began analyzing the reversed hierophant, and the reversed 2 of cups. By that point I'm feeling personally attacked. And then the King of swords felt like a slap in the face. Words like logical, smart, level headed came up, which is honestly the person I've always prided myself on being. What was that person doing trying to contact a deity? I basically had to stop and ask myself wtf I was doing.
Like all shadow work, I decided to go browse the internet to distract myself from having to think about it too much. So I start googling triple Goddess and love, even though the lovers definitely didn't feel right, I'm like what the hell? Why not? Hecate and Diana come up, well that's not right. So I decide to take away the triple deciding I could just be way off base with the whole 3 thing. So I Google goddess of female empowerment and found a list of badass goddesses, and Artemis stuck out to me. But I'm like, no, that can't be right. This peace loving hippie couldn't possibly identify with the goddess of the hunt (which was the extent of my knowledge about Artemis). I then Google goddess of sisterhood, envisioning a woman running with a girl gang fucking shit up. What the fuck do you know, but that is Artemis.
After that Google search, I decide I clearly don't know enough about Artemis, and had recently downloaded some Greek mythology books, have never had the slightest interest in Greek mythology, but I saved them in my Google drive just in case. After finding out a bit about Artemis from Google, I turned to the digital books I had.
It was crazy how each of the cards began actually tying into the mythology of Artemis. She traveled with like a gang of nymphs, which I'm sure there was some sisterhood there. She helped her mother deliver her twin brother, and became like the patron God of childbirth. She defended babies and Young girls. She only ever wanted to belong to herself and so she requested everlasting virginity. From what I read she was very protective, straight up murdered rapists, and she was strong to a fault, which made sense why the strength card was listed as weakness. Apollo challenged her to hit a target way out in the ocean that she couldn't see, telling her she couldn't do it, she did it to prove she could and there was no better sharpshooter than her. The target was Orion, the only person she ever loved. So the reversed two of cards made sense. The reversed hierophant made sense because she was not traditional, she went against the grain. Her story is far from ordinary, even by mythological standards. She was a straight up badass that lived life on her terms and no one else's. There's nothing more rebellious than a woman with such control of her own life and destiny. And of course the chariot would be her strength identification, she was nothing but action oriented. The lovers could be interpreted several ways, but I take it as a woman who loves herself so fiercely she had no need for any other kind. But also when I think of love, I don't think of romantic love, I think of the bond i share with my daughter. She fiercely loved her brother, and maybe because she helped with his birth it connected her to him similar to that of a mother and child? That of course speculation. But the lovers card could also be a jab at her eternal virginity. And the King of swords sounded exactly like Artemis.
So I'm convinced this spread is talking about Artemis, but I can't shake the aspect of 3. Can't let that one go. Don't know why. So I'm looking through the l The Greek Myths by Robert Graves, and in it he speculated that Artemis was in fact a triad/triple Goddess!!!
Needless to say, I lost my fucking shit after reading that one. I was right in what I felt about what traits I felt the energy having, and the fucking spread related with every gd card.
Oh, and apparently Artemis chose to spend most of her time in the mountains. One of my favorite thing in all of the things is the mountains of Colorado, second only to my daughter, and I even identify as connected with earth elements the most because of my love for mountains. Makes me wonder how long Artemis has been trying to get my attention 😉
Anyway, I don't know what this all means to me personally yet. I've been ridiculously drained today, it's already 11 pm, and I only just now felt like I had enough energy and focus to write this out. So haven't had much time to sit with everything I experienced and felt last night.
However, it was very exciting! And I had to share my experience!
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