#i've been working on this for so long my brain is fried
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As of The Change Constant, Sheldon and Amy have had coitus 12 times. But do we know all 12 times?
The Shamy Coital Count: What We Know, What We Don’t, and What We Can Wildly Speculate
1. Amy’s 36th Birthday
The Opening Night Excitation
Date: December 17th, 2015
Location: Amy’s bed in her apartment #314
Obviously we all know the first time. Sheldon skipped the advance screening of Star Wars: The Force Awakens to be with Amy on her birthday, and coitus was his gift to her. It is implied that it lasted for approximately the runtime of the movie, which is 2 hours and 16 minutes. When they are done, Sheldon says he looks forward to her next birthday when they will do it again, to which Amy agrees.
2. Amy’s 37th Birthday
The Birthday Synchronicity
Date: December 17th, 2016
Location: Apartment 4B, most likely on Sheldon and Amy’s shared bed
Per their verbal agreement after their first time, Sheldon and Amy do not have coitus again until Amy’s next birthday. Sheldon wakes Amy up right at midnight for it, however they are interrupted by Bernadette going into labor. They do not end up doing it until after the birth and after returning from a trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Harry Potter roleplay may or may not have been involved.
3. Amy Leaves for Princeton
The Gyroscopic Collapse
Date: May 6th, 2017 (estimated)
Location: Sheldon and Amy’s shared bed in apartment 4B
Amy is offered a summer research fellowship at Princeton, and they break their rule of only having coitus on her birthday to do it once before she leaves. This is the first time we hear Sheldon refer to it as “lovemaking.” They fold their clothes neatly before they do it. Leonard, Penny, and Raj hear them going at it from out in the hallway of the apartment building. The exact date this occurs is uncertain, but if we assume the episode’s airdate of May 4th, 2017, to be the date at the start of the episode, they have coitus 2 days later on May 6th, 2017.
4. Amy’s 38th Birthday
The Celebration Reverberation
Date: December 17th, 2017
Location: Unoccupied bedroom in Howard and Bernadette’s house
Back to tradition, the next time they have coitus is on Amy’s birthday. It almost didn’t happen, as the day prior they both got food poisoning from the Little House on the Prairie-inspired frontier dinner Sheldon prepared. They were still sick that morning, but felt good enough later in the day to attend Halley’s first birthday party. At the party, while everyone else is distracted by the baby, Sheldon and Amy jump in the inflatable bounce house and then find an unoccupied bedroom for their own celebration. This is the first known time they do it as an engaged couple and the first known time they do it outside of one of their own bedrooms.
5. Wedding Night
The Bow Tie Asymmetry/The Conjugal Configuration
Date: May 12th, 2018
Location: Hotel room outside of Legoland California
Per The Athenaeum Allocation, we know Sheldon and Amy got married on May 12th. Nothing beyond the wedding ceremony is shown in The Bow Tie Asymmetry, but when we see them again in The Conjugal Configuration they are just waking up the next morning. Sheldon confirms that they consummated. Apparently Sheldon made Lego snapping sounds during the consummation.
6. Honeymoon in New York
The Conjugal Configuration
Date: May 15th, 2018
Location: Hotel room in New York City
Sheldon and Amy get into an argument over Sheldon’s need to schedule their coital encounters, and this comes to a head while they are on the Nikola Tesla tour. Later, they reach a compromise and decide that Sheldon can make a schedule and just not tell Amy about it. He plans to create an algorithm that will generate a pseudo-random schedule to accomplish this, and Amy’s explanation of why it cannot be a true random schedule excites him so much, they rush back to the hotel so she can explain it to him again naked.
7. Three Weeks Ago
The Donation Oscillation
Date: January 19, 2019 (estimated)
Location: Unknown, but most likely their shared bed in apartment 4B
When Leonard goes to apartment 4B to get away from Penny, who was trying to seduce him, Amy asks him why he is trying to avoid having sex. Sheldon, mistakingly thinking the question was directed at him, says they just did it three weeks ago. The exact date this occurred is uncertain. Based on the airdate and events of the episode, they had this conversation on February 9th, 2019. Three weeks prior would be Saturday, January 19th, 2019.
Because this is a seemingly insignificant date, this could be one of Sheldon’s randomly scheduled sessions. It is important to note, though, that this does fall around the events of the Confirmation Polarization, where their super-asymmetry theory is proven by Drs. Pemberton and Campbell and they decide to fight them for the Nobel Prize. Perhaps they made love to celebrate that their theory got proven? Or as a physical manifestation of their commitment to either win the Nobel together or not at all? Something to think about.
8 & 9. The Avengers Trailer
The Change Constant
Date: December 7th, 2018 or March 14th, 2019 (estimated)
Location: Unknown, but most likely their shared bed in apartment 4B
When Penny says Sheldon has had sex almost as many times as she has fingers, Sheldon corrects her and says it was more by two, thus bringing the grand total up to 12. He then goes on to say it was because of the Avengers trailer. The dialogue is a little ambiguous, but this implies that those two extra times are both because of the trailer. I’m going to go ahead and count them both here, because that is my interpretation and also because I think it’s funny that seemingly the first time they go two rounds is because Sheldon got too excited about a movie trailer release.
Anyway, most likely Sheldon is referring to Avengers: Endgame, which hit theaters April 26th, 2019. The first trailer was released on December 7th, 2018, which potentially puts this prior to the previous list entry. However, considering this the events of the Change Constant take place in October 2019 (due to the Nobel ceremony taking place in December every year and this episode being set two months prior to that), it’s a little strange that Sheldon would bring up an example from so long ago. It’s possible too that it could have been the release of the second Endgame trailer on March 14, 2019, although that still is quite some time ago. (Unsure about any subsequent trailers.) Then again, perhaps Sheldon just knew that Penny was unaware of these two instances in particular, eidetic memory and all that.
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So, that brings us up to 9 confirmed coital encounters. What about the other 3?
Well, I have some suggestions . . .
10. Amy’s 39th Birthday
Date: December 17th, 2018
Location: Unknown
Although Amy was not given a birthday episode in season 12, I feel very confident in saying this was one of the missing instances. It’s their tradition, after all. In the timeline of the show, this would fall somewhere between the VCR Illumination and the Paintball Scattering, so while they’re still working on their super-asymmetry paper, before it was published.
11. Honeymoon Round Two
Date: May 14th - May 20th 2018 (estimated)
Location: Hotel room in New York City
This is less of a sure thing than Amy’s birthday, but I still think it is likely that they did it another time while away on their honeymoon. Actually, I originally was counting their arrival in New York as a confirmed coital encounter, as Sheldon says they can either make love or steam their wizard robes once the bellman leaves them alone in their room. I ended up removing it as the dialogue is just ambiguous enough that I can’t say for sure, plus when they get back from the Harry Potter play they are wearing the same clothes and the bed looks untouched. I could see Sheldon wanting to remake the bed after sex, but putting back on the same clothes that they assumedly also were traveling in earlier? In any case, if not on their arrival, I think they could have found at least one more time to do it before leaving, especially considering Sheldon originally scheduled multiple rounds for them. It’s unclear exactly how long their honeymoon was, but I assume it would be for at least a week, hence the date range.
12. Randomly Scheduled Session
Date: Unknown but between May 21st, 2018 and early-middle October 2019
Location: Unknown
I know this isn’t terribly exciting, but the final time was likely due to the pseudo-random schedule Sheldon said he was going to create. Assuming he created one at all, it would almost have to be, as there’s only one other instance that could qualify as part of the schedule (the “three weeks ago” one discussed earlier). Clearly the dates are pretty spread out, so whatever algorithm he created must be set to generate dates at a fairly low frequency. But you could also disregard my additional honeymoon suggestion and say the remaining 2 were from the schedule.
Other opportunities that I think are less likely but still possible:
The Nobel announcement - This could have worked except remember that the announcement came in the very early hours of the morning and then they still went to work. Would they have had time to make love and still get some sleep in? Uncertain.
Wedding anniversary - Because the last two episodes had to skip ahead in time, Sheldon and Amy’s first wedding anniversary is not mentioned, but this does seem like a likely time for them to do it.
Valentine’s Day - They never had coitus on Valentine’s Day before but there’s no reason they couldn’t start.
Amy’s return from Princeton - Seems like a great way to welcome Amy home and get reacquainted, but I do get the impression that Sheldon was still more or less sticking to the birthday tradition at this point with only the one exception before she left.
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So, now that we’ve covered all that, where do we go from here?
The Future of Shamy Coitus
Sheldon and Amy started out having sex only once a year, but the number has been increasing. Here’s the information above placed into a handy graph:
I made some executive decisions for the dates we are unsure on. For the Avengers trailer instance, I split the 2 rounds between the 2 possible dates, and for the unknown 12th time, I placed it in 2019.
Now, this is just for the 12 times Sheldon mentioned as of October 2019. The year wasn’t over, and I personally believe they manage a few more times before it ends. In particular:
Make up coitus when Sheldon returns to the apartment after the Change Constant
Celebratory coitus after the Nobel Prize ceremony
Amy’s 40th birthday
So here’s a new graph:
Again, this is just speculative.
I would like to think it continues to increase for a few years, but perhaps that’s wishful thinking on my end. At the very least, I think it’s safe to say they continue the tradition of birthday coitus for Amy, and so it never drops down to zero.
Keep in mind, we know from Young Sheldon that Sheldon and Amy have children. How this affects their sex life is hard to say. Would the count jump way up when they’re trying to conceive? Would it drop down significantly while the children are young? Would Sheldon continue using his randomly scheduled coitus algorithm once they have a family? Would they need it?
No one knows, but perhaps as new episodes of Young Sheldon continue to air, we can get a better idea. It remains to be seen. But here’s to hoping!
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#amy farrah fowler#Sheldon Cooper#shamy#tbbt#the big bang theory#if I made a mistake somewhere please god tell me#i've been working on this for so long my brain is fried#I couldn't find a list so I had to be the change I wished to see in the world#thinking about reformatting this for ao3 so it can be used as reference material#oh and happy valentine's day#long post#my posts
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Z THE CONCEPT OF YOU REBOOTING VALIANT KNIGHT LITERALLY HAS ME FROTHING AT THE MOUTH. it literally never left my head i am always thinking about it at least a little bit. literally recently i came up with a concept for how some of my original characters for my spinoff would fit into valiant knight fnsnskdj and so i technically have like a rewrite/sequel concept that includes zenry and jasper/[redacted] fnsmdnkxnsn which included me rereading the chapters i beta'd for you to remember some details and i was like UGH THIS WAS SO GOOD I MISS IT
LASKDJOSKJVMODKMVLDSKJFSOKJFSLDKFJ HELLO?????????? ARE YOU AWARE THAT I'D LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU???? CAUSE I SERIOUSLY WOULD LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU!!!!! BUT AHHHHHHHHHHH
SERIOUSLY THOUGH, THIS IS ONE OF THE HIGHEST COMPLIMENTS I'VE EVER RECEIVED, I'M LEGIT GONNA CRY (affectionate), I'VE BEEN STARING AT THIS ASK FOR LIKE SIX HOURS, LIKE THERE AREN'T ENOUGH WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TO ARTICULATE HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME
but seriously, like I'm not trying to rag on my writing or anything, but I also know like. I'm not writing anything that's gonna be winning awards anytime soon or anything ground-breaking or anything, but that's never been my goal; and I just say all of that to say that the fact that you're still thinking about something of mine years later and it stuck with you so much that you want to put your own characters into it??????? That's literally so wild to me in the best way, I can't get over it. I'm so serious when I say again that this legit one of the best compliments I've ever received. (Also, if you're willing, I'd very much like to hear about this rewrite/sequel of sorts)
You have me legit thinking about it now. Like I told Pearl in the replies, I feel like my writing is leagues better (i reread stuff from that time period and just cringe now; but to be fair to my past self, she was a novice who was coming back to writing after a 10+ year break so it stands to reason) so I feel like I could do a lot more with it. There's soooo much of that world I want to flesh out that I wasn't skilled enough to do when I first started it. lsakdjf idk man, I might actually do it
#asks#casey tag#i've been wanting to write something fantasy related for SO LONG. I tried to do it with zenry but I could never work it out :/#honestly if you wanna find a way to collab on it I'm 10000% down with that (no pressure ofc)#but I legit feel like the VK is just as much yours as it is mine#like I know I've told you before but you seriously spoiled me when it comes to beta readers#you provided me with such valuable notes and insight that the VK wouldn't have been even *half* of what it is without you#if I do decide to reboot it though. l I decided a long time ago that I'm not posting anymore fics until I have the majority of them done#hence why there hasn't been anything new from me in four years alskdjf#but I just don't want to run into the same problem I did originally with the VK#and now with DoD#where I start it. get stuck or don't have the drive to finish it. and then it gets abandoned#so at least we won't have to worry about me posting 3 chapters and then either not finishing it or going 'fuck it I'm starting over' aslkdj#sorry if this is messy it's late and my brain is fried
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feelin good, actually climbed up two rank tiers in ow this weekend, which feels like huuuge improvement after like. taking weeks to climb that same amount over the last season and a half
#went from plat 5 to plat 3 :'>#used to be high plat to diamond in ow1 but fell hard into low plat/high gold in ow2 bc I hadn't played for so long#was stuck at gold 1 most of last season and finally clawed my way to plat 5 this season#and now??? two tiers in two days i'm like whoa#been working v hard to improve tho so it feels SO NICE... I'm actually seeing my gameplay get better it's so satisfying#anyway hey hi I'm.... gonna see about writing but I think chances are low tbh. brain pretty fried.#still rubbing my lil hands together over the stuff I've been thinking about all weekend tho so if nothing tonight.....#tomorrow will be the day (so long as my attention span cooperates)#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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ok that's enough for today
#i have a final presentation due in 4 weeks and since like 6pm last night i've been working on it but Enough#my brain is fried rn#i will go and get some chinese takeout and then. idk. play ultrakill#''but jen why so soon that thang is due-'' I KNOWWW. but i don't want to leave it last minute look how long it's taken me and i'm not done#with it yet. worst part???#i have another presentation (for a different class) THIS THURSDAY XDD#i will work on that now. it's way shorter and more casual but i still need to get that done#welp. things are getting stressful now that the semester is almost done but it's manageable#i got this........!!!!!!!!!!!!
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SLEEPOVER SATURDAY!! COMPLAIN AND/OR RANT ABT SOMETHING!!!
I let this sit for a few hours because when you sent it we were About to go to sleep but then we dozed off and our body decided that Like 20 Minutes Of Sleep Is Enough To Keep Us Awake All Night! And so we read for like 2 more hours or so and ANYWAY.
The point is I& have been Thinking on what to rant about. Should I use this opportunity to rant about how ODD plurality is for me personally, how strange it is now in this life not only to be apart of something Bigger and More Than One but all simultaneously in One Body but also myself, personally, in-sys, being Multiple too, and how jarring that is now?
Perhaps I can rant about things that have happened in, oh I don't know, the past like 200 or so years ago and how Fucking BIZARRE this life is compared to my Past?
Maybe, rant about, the fuckign. Everything of it all. And just. I can't even finish this sentence!!!!
But no. Sit the fuck down.
I am going to rant to you about Peggle.
Let me FUCKING tell you something. I live and breathe Peggle nowadays. It is Thee Biggest Hyperfixation-Obsession-Special-Interest I've Ever Had In Any Of My Time Existing Ever . Nothing has ever brought me so much joy before (AHEM except for My Wonderful Significant Others Who Have Followed Me To This Life But BESIDES THEM,). I don't fuckgin Knwo what it is about this stupid series but it has Been Living In My Brain Rent Free The SECOND I Laid Eyes On It. And holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit. I have. I have Opinions. On things in this series, ok.
First off. Ok. Renfield. This stupid dorky-ass pumpkin MotherFUCKER. I am beating Renfield Haters Up With A Sword!!!!!!! Fuck oFF off this page if you hate Renfield all my homies LOVE Renfield OK!!!!!!! LISTNE !!! He is a GREAT character!!!! I do not understand why people (or, the people we've watched play Peggle and I will admit is not that many!) hate his power!!! LITERALLY it is so good his levels just aren't BUILT for it properly!!!!!
I understand that his Thing, at least in Peggle Nights, is that he's an Artist™ or a Fan Of Thee Fine Arts™ and all, but while it's cool it just... Doesn't work!! All his levels (again, in Peggle Nights, which btw Is Thee Best Peggle Game Ever Prove Me Wrong!) are centered around famous paintings. The Scream, The Persistence of Memory, The Great Wave off Kanagawa, a couple others I care not to try to remember and Google right now—it's COOL but they don't WORK as LEVELS IN PEGGLE!! Fuckin, at least not for him!! Maybe for someone like Jimmy Lightning? Who's power is shooting two balls at once? Maybe for Claude, who's powers are flippers (which is funny because he's a lobster and the flippers are in the shape of his claws HaHa)? Maybe scrap the idea all together or use different paintings to make his levels out of??? I don't know!!! All I know is that his levels suck ASS in Peggle Nights and it's primarily because the way the pegs are laid out are SO far and few in between—once the ball drops, and goes back to the top of the screen As Is Renfield's Power, it just. Drops immediately back down the hole it first created!
And this would be avoidable I personally think if the fuckin PEGS WERE CLUSTERED MORE and also if the LEVELS WERE BUILT TO WORK WITH HIS POWER AND NOT GO WITH AN AESTHETIC and oh my god the levels he has in others games from what I've seen work with his power way better but God shit fuCK AND DAMN WHY DID THEY DO THIS, TO ONE OF THE COOLEST CHARACTERS IN ONE OF THE BEST PEGGLE GAMES, HOMOPHOBIA I SAY! SPECIFICALLY TOWARDS ME.
But anyways!
Second of all, Tula best character, also Warren suffers from the same thing Renfield does on top of HIS power just generally not being very Good And Useful, also fuck the Peggle app, that is not true Peggle, where are my beloveds, what did they do to my beloved Video Gaem, Who are these new characters, where is Claude?, Tula??, Hell they don't even have Renfield OR Warren what is this shit?????!!
IN CONCLUSION:
Buy Peggle Now, It Is Worth Your Time And Money, This Is A Threat (/joke)
#ask#thank you I have been sitting on this rant for quite a while with nary an excuse to post it -Izzet#Sorry for the Long Ramblings And Odd Word Useage And All the first and thusfar only book I've read while in this life is House of Leaves.#As you can see it is already fucking with my brain (honorary‚ also /joke)#the rants about plurality and The Inner Workings Of My Mind Being An Enigma shall come at a later date when I#And that's the end of that thought‚ folks!#long post#Fun fact Peggle has genuinely‚ honest to god‚ changed me for the better#had it not been for Acquiring A Hyperfixation/Special Interest I would still be Very Close To My Canon Self and therefore a huge prick#to everyone here but Nopem#*Nope. I'm normal and nice now <3!#I think if renfield's power should be tweaked then it should be so that once the ball drops to the bottom you can reshoot it without—#—using up one of your balls but that doesn't feel... Unique enough or somethin?#I don't Know it is 1 :40 AM brain is fried right now. goodnight will put more thought into this tidbit later!
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spencer one shot where he’s angry at somebody else [bc he so does look so kissable when he’s angry >:(] maybe someone at one of the precincts they’re working at said something rude about r and he defends u and maybe he gets a lil kiss <3
im thinking “this is calm and it’s doctor” vibes bc that scene does things to me 😭
ty for requesting ♡ fem, 1.1k
cw for sexual harassment
"Jesus," Spencer says, rushing to stand behind you as you bend over.
"Mm?" you hum. You're fishing for your dropped change unsuccessfully by the precinct vending machines. "They have your chips, did you see?"
"Your pants are ripped," Spencer says, hand ghosting your thigh.
"What?" you ask, shooting up. You turn on the spot to hide, hand leaping back. You feel at the seam. "Where?"
"Top of your thigh."
"Shit, really? Can you see my–"
"Yeah," he says, meeting your wide eyes while you locate the rip. "How did you do that?" He laughs.
"Don't laugh!" you demand, though you're giggling as you do, hand covering your thigh and the bottom of your butt inefficiently.
"Do you want my jacket?"
"Don't cover it up, toots."
You and Spencer both blink. There's a crowd of grinning beat cops by the door of the cafeteria who've obviously witnessed your misdemeanour. "Toots?" Spencer asks.
"Sorry, boys, that's the end of the show," you say with a grin. Not because you particularly enjoy having been oggled, but it's always been like this. Men will always make weird comments to you, and you've learned to play nice until they're out of your jurisdiction.
"Turn back around," one says bravely, though you aren't sure which one.
Spencer stands in front of you subtly. "Do you know that thirty eight percent of women experience sexual harassment in the workplace?" he asks, quick but measured. "Thirty eight percent, but I'm sure a much smaller number of those women are federal agents, and a smaller number again have the capacity to break your arm. I've seen her give serial killers radial fractures. I've seen her do worse."
"We were just messing around," one says.
"No need to get defensive," says another. "Don't get mad, boy."
"I am defensive, but I'm not mad."
His tone attracts the attention of a precinct sergeant who barks at them to stop messing around and get back to work. "Were they bothering you?" he asks after they've filtered out with their heads down.
"No," you say swiftly. "Everything's fine."
Spencer frowns, worse when the sergeant leaves, turning to you to take your hand. A few weeks ago at a company picnic, when the sun was high and your spirits comparatively lower, you'd apologised to him for flirting. You love to flirt and especially with him, puppy eyed Spencer with his head of brown hair and his big brain, but some of the team suggested you were taking it too far. You apologised, but Spencer didn't really get what you were saying sorry for and took your hand to lead you out of the sun. He protects you.
"You okay?" he asks.
"I'm fine."
"You sure?" His voice fries.
"I'm sure," you say. His hand is an interesting thing on yours. He has long, long fingers that seem to possess their own willpower, moving even as they're sewn through yours. "I don't know what to do about my pants."
Spencer's eyebrows pinch together. "Well, I'll take care of that. I'll find you something. I can't believe those as–"
"Oh," you interrupt, taking your hand back in want of a better thing to hold, his cheek a mix of soft and scratchy against your palm. "You're still mad."
"I'm not mad," he insists, though eventually he relents, "Alright, I'm angry that they'd think it was okay to objectify you."
"What else?" you ask, letting your voice drop in pitch, the sound smooth as angora silk.
"I'm thinking about if I hadn't been here."
"I can protect myself," you murmur, endeared by the heat in his gaze. "You said it yourself, handsome. Radial fractures."
"You shouldn't have to."
"We both already know that," you say, the side of your hand slipping down his cheek reverently. He squints gently, his lashes dark triangles, his irises a browned sugar. His jaw clenches under your touch. "You're handsome."
"Right now?" he asks dryly.
"Are you handsome right now?"
"Are you really flirting with me right now?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" You draw a line under his ear whisper soft to curl a longer strand of his hair around the tip. "You look hot when you're winning."
"What did I win?" he asks, like he doesn't want to know.
You grin at him, stickying. "Would you like an itemised list?" you ask, rising on tiptoes to speak into the shell of his ear. "What do you think you deserve, handsome? For such a fearless defence?"
He's not immune to your whims, but he is used to them, planting his hands on your shoulders to ease you back on sure footing. "I don't want anything. I'll always defend you."
"Can I give you a small token of my gratitude, at least?"
His pinking cheeks practically emanate heat. "We don't have time for this," he says regretfully, "I still have to find you a coverup."
"Just a small token," you say.
He hums and haws. "Alright. Okay, whatever you want."
"You sure?"
He nods once, his jaw working with something unsaid. You touch his neck, fingertips trailing along the underside of his jaw until you're sure it's what he wants before you brace your hands behind his head and press a chaste kiss to his cheek, close enough that the corner of his lips align with yours but don't overlap. His neck is hot in your hands, his hair soft, his breath hooking as you lift your lips just a touch and your nose digs into his cheek. "Thank you, Spencer," you whisper.
He pulls you closer.
You shudder as his hand presses into the small of your back, wondering what it is he wants to do. His fingers spread. Your thoughts turn to white noise. Like he can sense it, he breathes out and steps away, but any sense of urgency is gone.
"As much as I might tease, I really do need some pants," you say. "I'm not very interested in anyone else seeing my panties today."
He rushes off to find you something and you press the backs of your fingers to your cheeks, feeling the heat there with a resigned embarrassment. He has no idea how much power he has over you, in his stony anger and his eager reception. The phantom of his hand warms your back until he returns, his sweater in hand. "Sorry, this is it."
"If you want me to wear your clothes, just say so."
"Hotch is pretty pissed at us."
"Ah," you sigh, tying his sweater around your waist, "another day in paradise, baby."
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds x reader
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I'm gonna rant in the tags. don't reblog, I'm venting
#tw rant#why tf does my manager have to do this shit to me?#so‚ previously‚ I was available sun through thurs (I need 2 days off at least for chores and relaxation‚ burnt myself out-#doing worse before) and because they rarely scheduled me sunday‚ it meant I got a 3 day weekend-#which wasn't necessary but nice‚ and I prefer it over what I have now.#ask manager about needing more hours (they tend to give 4 hr shifts for each day available‚ ask later if you want 8 hr that day)#he says 'if you were available mon-fri you could get more' so I swap availability‚ and what happen?#i have the same hours but now the 3 day off is a random time of the week#And I don't know about other people‚ but that random day off gives me a chance to feel all the exhaustion but get none of the rest#so I go through the rest of the week extra tired‚ making the same amount of money as before.#I'm pissed about it‚ and I know its a weird and whiney thing‚ but why the fuck tell me I'd get more hours if-#I'm working THE EXACT SAME FUCKING HOURS?????#I need a need job‚ but I've been here so long that I likely can't find anywheres that pays as well with my skills#unless I actually figure out how tf to set up commissions where people can't see my real name attached to my p@yp@l#(I want to note: I'm less tired end of week doing 2 days off‚ working five days in a row than I am doing 1-2 days‚ day off‚ 2-3 days on)#(IDK my brain works shit)
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Rafes been out and about all day running his dad's company and then dealing with his and Barry's side business they have going on that's definitely not legal... but it's Rafe so what's new
When he gets home he's beat all he wants is to fucking sleep and to see you but when he walks into the house and into the living room your not there
"Sweetheart, are you home?" Rafe calls out thinking back to if you had mentioned you would be out...no he would definitely remember you telling him that..."I'm in the bedroom, Rafe" he hears you call from upstairs
Rafes' feet are dragging up the stairs to your shared bedroom he's already working his buttons' loss on his shirt as he walks up to you
"You look comfy, love," Rafe says as he sees you on the bed propped up against some pillows reading a book on your lap you've been telling him about
"I am very comfy," you smile back at Rafe as he reaches you at the side of the bed, his shirt tossed off "I've missed you" he says softly before cupping your jaw and kissing you
"Mmm, I've missed you too. You make a great reading, buddy," you tell him as you both pull apart
He laughs as he puts on comfortable clothes. "I like it when you tell me about the characters it's interesting," Rafe says as he gets onto the bed, basically crawling to lay his head on your lap
"You ok Rafe" you ask him softly as you play with his hair making him instantly relaxed and let out a sigh
"I'm alright just a long day with a bunch of shit that makes my brain feel fried" he says mumbley against your lap
"I'm sorry, babe," you tell him "Don't be...you know what would make me feel better though" he says "Mmm no what" you say as you keep playing with his hair "You reading to me, it would make me feel better" he says kinda shyly thinking maybe you wouldn't do it for some reason
"I would love to," you say to him without hesitation you open back up the book and start reading out loud to Rafe
About 15 minutes into reading, you look down over your book and notice Rafe is asleep from listening to you like his personal lullaby it made you feel really happy and it made Rafe feel safe to lay here with you
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Hello darling!
I’d love if you wrote a NSFW fic with Tech or Wrecker.
Maybe you’d be coming home from a bad day at work and a bad fight with your parents and he comforts you and makes you forget your troubles with some soft sex. Lots of praise and pleasure. Maybe some overstimulation??
Only if you have the time of course!! If you’ve already written something like this, I’ll scour the master list
Many thanks lovely!!
Gentleness***
Wrecker X F!Reader
word count: 1.6k
After visiting your parents, you brain is fried with their words and demands of wanting you to have a different path in life. So when you return to your boyfriend, Wrecker, you crave some much needed TLC.
warnings: NSFW, 18+ only. Explicit sexual content and language. Soft smut, cunnilingis, praises, overstimulation, established relationship, aftercare and female reader. A little bit angsty, mentions of arguing with parents.
authors note: I chose to do Wrecker because I’ve not wrote for him in a hot minute and I feel like this is Wrecker coded. Sorry for the wait @originalcollectionartistry ✨🤍
With a raspy throat and misty eyes, you approach the Marauder following what was meant to be a pleasant reunion with your parents, only to unravel into a heated debate about your life choices. Are you old enough? Mature enough? In their eyes, the exhilaration of navigating the galaxy with a band of rogue Clones was an unacceptable life for their daughter. They envisioned a different path—one confined to a desolate planet, toiling behind a counter in a dreary little shop.
You yearned for their support, but some convictions remain unaltered. It had been this way for many years and each time you see them, you think they would change their minds.
Outside the Marauder, you collect yourself, wiping away tears and clearing your throat before boarding.
However, the usual clamor had subsided this evening, leaving you in solitude momentarily. Yet, a yearning for your boyfriend lingers.
Thinking you've found respite, you settle into the cockpit, allowing tears to cascade. With your head in your hands and fingers entwined in your hair in frustration, your sobs echo in the silence. Unbeknownst to you, the familiar and resounding footsteps approach, shattering the quiet.
"I thought I heard ya—hey, what's wrong, babe?" Wrecker swiftly joins you, crouching beside you and tenderly placing a hand on your thigh.
Peering at him through your hands, you manage a smile amid the tears and emit a soft sniffle. "I'm fine, just parents."
A frown creases Wrecker's brow. "I thought you were looking forward to seeing them?" he asks.
"Yeah, until they started bombarding me about what they think I should be doing with my life," you groan, swiping away your tears once more and straightening up. "Just annoyed."
Wrecker offers a sympathetic smile, planting a gentle kiss on your cheek. "Did they, um, mention anythin’ about me?" His hand grazes the back of your neck, prompting a playful eye-roll from you.
Fortunately, your parents did inquire about Wrecker. Your relationship with him wasn't exactly a secret after their initial meeting, which left a favorable impression. That much you were thankful for.
"They just asked about how you were and all," you mention, crossing your arms and leaning back against the chair's headrest. "But... they still disapprove of me traveling with you all. They want me to stay home and work for them."
Wrecker tilts his head, his brow knitting together. "Is that what ya want?"
"Absolutely not, Wreck," you declare. "I just wish they could understand that this is the path I've chosen."
Wrecker stands tall and concerned above you. “Well I’m glad you're still here,” he says, a gentle smile tugging at your lips in response. Yet, he's not entirely convinced. “Is there anything I can do?”
Initially stumped, you gaze up at him, taking in his towering presence, his striking features, and suddenly, a longing for something, anything, wells up within you. "Honestly?"
"Yeah, anything!" His smile widens, noticing a glimmer of light returning to your eyes.
As you stand before Wrecker, your voice carries a hint of vulnerability. "I want you to love me."
Confusion knits Wrecker's brow. "But you know I already do? Don't you?"
You let out a soft, tender laugh at his innocent bewilderment. Your hands trail up his sturdy arms, tracing the contours of his broad chest before delicately cradling his cheeks. Your fingertips brush over the rough, scarred tissue, as you gaze deeply into his eyes. "Yes, but I want you to love me," you express, your voice filled with longing and an unspoken yearning for more.
He’s silent now, but he understands what you mean as his eyes spark with interest.
With such a gentleness, he took your hands away from his face, starting to trail soft kisses up your arms until he seals his lips over yours, drawing you in.
You let him take the lead, keening into his touch as his hands begin to pull the clothes away from your body, his large hands gently kneading at your soft, nude flesh as his tongue dances with yours.
It’s not long until he has you wrapped around his waist, carrying you through the ship until he lays you down on his bunk, warm breath waltzing against your skin.
Soft moans begin to part your lips as Wrecker kneels at the foot of the bunk, your legs spread and balancing over his shoulders as he slips a finger between your folds. Your increasing arousal helps Wrecker to move his digit up and down before he gathers your slick on his fingers, using it as lubricant to rub at your swelling clit.
You choke on a groan, knees subconsciously closing around his head but Wrecker doesn’t mind, infact, it spurs him on as you start to gently roll your hips to his touch. He encourages you, keeping a steady pace as he places kisses to the inside of your thighs as he works at your clit with intent, yet gentle.
Your legs start to tremble, chewing on your lower lip as Wrecker lets out a satisfied growl of pleasure as you grind down on his hand, slipping a finger inside you and curling it as he gently thrusts. “That’s it pretty girl, take what ya need.”
“S-So good Wrecker… you’re so good to me.” You whine, toes curling as he maintains a steady momentum.
“Of course I am, I always will be,” he rasps, eyes fixated on your glistening pussy, “let it go, cum for me. I’ve got ya.”
Your eyes are seeing stars, stars more beautiful than those through space as your body becomes rigid and your breathing becomes heavy. Then, you cry out his name, your orgasm shooting through you as you ride out the pleasure against his hand. “That’s it, you did so well.” He cooes. “That was a lot.”
A happy sigh parts your lips but Wrecker didn’t stop there. “Do you think you can cum again sweetie? I think you can.” He cooed as he placed soft kisses to your thighs before his warm breath fans over your tingling pussy.
Naturally your hips bucked as his tongue glides over your folds, licking up the residue of before and melts as he whines softly at the taste of you. You squirm, getting a bit too overstimulated but a part of you wanted more, you wanted to fight against it and let Wrecker continue to have a taste of you.
“Don’t worry,” he purrs, sensing the struggle between wanting another orgasm and for him to stop teasing at your pulsating cunt, “I will take extra good care of you if you are a good girl and cum on my tongue.”
Your blood runs hot, his praises alone almost making you hit your high. Softly, you hold onto the back of his head, grinding your hips on his tongue as he delves his tongue against your stimulated clit, the burn now desirable.
His large arms wrap under your thighs, bringing you even closer to his face than before, chuckling into your pussy as you let out a wanton cry of pleasure. Your hands move to the sheets on the bunk, gripping as if for dear life as he laps eagerly at you, sucking and flicking his tongue expertly against your sweet sex. “Oh f-fuck! Wreck..!”
“Say my name again sweetie, let me know how much I’m pleasing ya.”
You were blessed to be laying down because if you were standing there was no way you would’ve been able to hold yourself up. “Wrecker, you’re so good at this.”
Again, he chuckles, sending vibrations through you that have your toes curling as your cunt becomes numb. As your moans become louder, you knew you were close again. Wrecker groans as he slips his tongue into your pussy, feeling you clench around his tongue that has you soaring into the galaxy.
“Your moans are so perfect, baby. You’ve done so, so good for me.” He pulls away, catching his breath and you almost sob at the sight of your juices around his grinning mouth before he moves his hand back to your core and lets his fingers strum rapidly against your clit.
It’s too much and somewhat not enough either. His name runs past your lips like a mantra all the while he ushers words of praise. “That’s it, good girl. Cum again.”
One part of your brain makes you squirm away from his touch, finding it unbearable but the other half craves for the intensity of another orgasm. “It’s too sensitive Wrecker,” you moan, knuckles turning white as you grip onto the sheets.
“I know baby but I know you can do it. Let it go, you’ll feel so much better.” For someone so loud his words were so quiet and soft yet laced with pure filth. You’re hot, the stimulation relentless and it’s not until his mouth is back on your clit when your climax finally hits.
“O-o-oh stars!” you whimper as your orgasm rakes through you and onto his mouth and chin, your whole body tingling now. He continues to lick your pussy, collecting every ounce of your high before he stands, wipes his mouth and chin and pulls you into his arms as he sits on the edge of the bunk with you.
“That’s how it’s done, sweetie. Well done.” He cooed, stroking a hand through your sweat covered hair, “was that enough?”
You give him a dazed, dopey grin and nod. “It was perfect.” You sigh happily, resting your forehead into his chest as he cradles your nude body. “Thank you for this.”
“Like I said, I’d do anything.”
Masterlist
Ko-fi if you wanna buy me a coffee ☕️
More Wrecker Works
Taglist if you want to be added or removed (please note I’ll respectfully remove you if you’re not interacting with my work 🤍)
Tags: @andyoufollowyourheart @littlefeatherr @kaitou2417 @eyecandyeoz @captxin-rex @jesseeka @ashotofspotchka @theroguesully @ladykatakuri @jambolska-grozdova @arctrooper69 @padawancat97 @staycalmandhugaclone @ko-neko-san @echos-girlfriend @fiveshelmet @dangraccoon @plushymiku-blog @chrissywakingup @pb-jellybeans @nunanuggets @sleepycreativewriter @erellenora @zippingstars87 @ezras-left-thumb @tech-aficionado @grizabellasolo @therealnekomari @tech-depression-inventory @brynhildrmimi @greaser-wolf @tinyreadersmur @seriowan @kaminocasey @marvel-starwars-nerd @imalovernotahater @ladytano420 @ladyzirkonia @raevulsix @mssbridgerton @whore4rex @imperialclaw801 @temple-elder @mysticalgalaxysalad @photogirl894 @l-lend 🎄
#tbb wrecker x reader#bad batch wrecker x reader#the bad batch#wrecker x reader#bad batch wrecker x freader#nahoney22 writes#tbb
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a note about tpg's hiatus
hi everyone!! i've missed y'all <33 i want to share a quick note on tpg's hiatus, and how long it will last.
first and foremost, the tl;dr: i will not abandon tpg. the story remains incredibly important to me, and this hiatus is only that: a hiatus. i will return eventually, and while i am not exactly sure when "eventually" is, i hope to begin updating again soon.
now the long explanation. tpg's hiatus has lasted much, much longer than i expected. it wasn't until i took a break that i realized how mentally and emotionally drained i was after writing 600k+ in 2 years, along with being an engineering master's student then starting a job in aerospace. especially after writing sukuna's backstory (75k+ words in one month), my brain was utterly fried. all in all, it's been a lot.
as some of you may know, i started watching one piece in september. and i love it! it's an incredibly fun, well-written feel-good series. it's been a refreshing mental break to engage with a new series, especially since jjk canon has been so disappointing in both content and writing quality.
if you check my ao3, you'll notice i took a break from jjk with other series in the past: namely dr. stone, sxf, and natsume yuujinchou. this is necessary for me to remain creative and explore narrative themes that i bring back to tpg when i return to it. but by the time my recent hiatus started, it had been well over a year since i engaged with any other series than jjk, and it was starting to take its toll on me. i'm almost caught up on one piece now, which means i'll be able to focus on tpg again soon.
when i return from tpg's hiatus, updates may be slower. releasing 15k+ word chapters every 2-4 weeks was incredibly mentally taxing and required much of my time and focus to constantly be on the story. it wasn't healthy, and other areas of my life were impacted negatively. it can be easy to forget that i'm a real person with real-life responsibilities writing this story in my spare time for free -- even i sometimes forgot this.
another note on why taking a break has been so necessary is my mental health. when season 2 released and toji + satosugu was animated, the fandom exploded and tpg's readership drastically increased. while this meant an influx of amazing love and support, i also started to receive rude and hateful comments and messages.
don't get me wrong: not everyone has to like tpg. that's totally fine! but as a very sensitive person, receiving hate took a huge toll on my mental health and motivation, and i have needed time to recover from it. i've been doing better mentally lately, and have taken some measures to reduce unkind interactions. i'm working on becoming less sensitive in the meantime so i can handle it better if/when it happens again.
since i've been feeling guilty about not posting jjk content, i haven't been on tumblr quite as much, but i'm still around online on both discord and instagram. mutuals can request my priv @chiidoriii on IG, and my discord is @MissingN000 -- just shoot me a message with who you are when you request! i'll still post fic updates on both new stories as well as tpg content and previews on tumblr, so please stick around :)
thank you so much for your patience with me! i love you all so much, and truly appreciate your support. love, chi <333
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souvenirs
pairing: seungmin x reader
genre: fluff, light angst (???)
word count: 1.8k
warnings: vague references to depression (in a sense)
synopsis: It's getting harder to get through the day, lately. seungmin helps
a/n: the way this is borderline nonsense aksdjhlfajkd i've been exhausted from work lately and this is what i spit out,,,excuse the fact that my metaphors are all mixed together
You're sitting on the couch with your hand above your face, watching your rings glimmer in the afternoon light. Your head is reading on Seungmin's thigh as he reads a book he bought while he was in Paris, something about local birds and migratory patterns. He’s been trying to read more lately, says it’s important for self-improvement. You wonder what self-improvement could come from understanding the ecological niche of French swallows.
“It’s not about the information,” he says. “It’s about learning to parse meaning from text. It’s a brain exercise.”
You think your brain gets plenty exercise. You want to join him on his quest for media literacy, but your brain is too fried to process written language most days. Work takes everything out of you, and then you have to come home and worry about classes and the laundry and all the other things you’re responsible for each day, and it keeps you from being able to focus on any individual thing, in the end. Even now, you're meant to be relaxing, a rare afternoon off when neither you nor your boyfriend has anything important to do, but you can't relax. Your gut is tight, and your head feels stretched thin. In your mind's eye you can see your desk, your laptop, all the work and emails and papers piling up. It's hard to breathe if you think about it for too long.
The sun is so pretty on your gold rings. Seungmin bought them for you in Paris from a vendor’s stand on his way to the airport. They're not real gold; one of them is already tarnishing, and the gems inlaid in another are chipping, clearly fake and not at all real garnets. But he thought you’d much prefer to have the “authentic” experience of a tourist Paris, and wear something you would’ve gotten yourself had you gone.
"If I went to Paris, I would’ve asked you to send me your card details," you'd said after he gave them to you. "I wouldn't have settled for tacky fakes.”
“You don’t even wear jewelry,” Seungmin threw back at you. “You would’ve only put them on to post them to your Instagram story, and then you’d never wear them again.”
“I would wear them if they were from Paris.”
“And so from Paris they are.”
It’s become something of a running joke. Every time you post a picture of yourself, you make sure one of your hands is visible, and with it, the rings. Of course, for this to be possible, you end up wearing them almost every day. In the end, Seungmin is right that it doesn’t really matter that the rings are cheap fakes. They’re beautiful, and they complement your skin tone, and Seungmin had bought them for you, so you don’t really care they’re from a cheap street vendor. First and foremost, they’re from your boyfriend, a souvenir he’d carried thousands of miles back to you, like those birds he’s reading about crossing large bodies of water to find their families back home.
You take one off and hold it directly above your head, looking through the hole like a lens at the ceiling above you. You zero in on the sunlight dancing across the ceiling, getting caught in the brass rings on your curtains and bouncing around in delight.
"You're thinking so loud," Seungmin says.
"Well, stop eavesdropping," you reply.
"It's not eavesdropping if you're loud," Seungmin says. "What's wrong?"
What's always wrong, you want to ask, but you don't know if that's helpful or vindictive, so you don’t. Instead, you say,
"I've just got a lot on my mind."
"Penny for your thoughts?"
“They’re worth more than that,” you say, absent. You're still looking through your lens. You're waiting to see something appear on the other side. Like Coraline’s seeing stone, you think to yourself, ignoring everything outside the metallic ring. If I look through it I can see a new reality.
Seungmin reaches up and takes the ring out of your hand.
“Boyfriend discount,” he says, teasing. He turns the ring over in his fingers curiously.
“Is this the ring from Paris?”
You hum.
“It’s tarnishing.”
“It’s cheap. That’s what happens with cheap things. They break down.” You reach for it, but he holds it out of your reach.
“A shame. Now what will you have to remember Paris by?”
“I didn’t even go, moron,” you say. “I never do anything that fun.” You mean to be lighthearted, but your voice is bitter, hard.
“That’s not true. You do fun things all the time. You’re the interesting one, not me.”
You actually laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“It’s true. If I wasn’t in an idol group, I would never go anywhere. I would have gotten a boring office job and been a salaryman, and I never would’ve even met you.”
Maybe that would be for the best, you think, but you know better than to say it. You've both grown tired of conversations about not deserving each other; there’s no denying you guys are in this for life. You love Seungmin so much it’s embarrassing, so much that you go to all his shows and sound checks, so much that you buy newspapers with his face on them and stick them on your coffee table even though you never read a single page. You love him enough that you stay up late and call him at odd times at night when he’s off in Europe headlining a music festival, so much so that you wear tarnished rings from a stupid Parisian street vendor just because he bought them and you love him and you want to look at your hands every single day and think about how much he loves you. So much so that you fantasize about the day he’ll give you a ring that won’t tarnish, because it’ll be real gold, and it’ll sit prim and shiny untouched on your currently unadorned ring finger. It’s not about deserving. If it was about deserving, you’d never have it. But you will have it, someday.
It's not someday yet, though.
"However you used to be, or could be, I'm the boring one now. I'm tired all the time. I have nothing to talk about most days except my work. And the work never ends. I'm not even a housewife. I'm something worse." It’s toeing the line of how much self-deprecation Seungmin will allow, and sure enough, he fights back.
"You said you wanted to keep your jobs. You said you liked them."
"I do like my jobs. And I like having money. Very low bar for me, liking things that I need to survive.”
"Is there a lot going on lately?" Seungmin holds the ring out between his thumb and middle finger, surrendering it back to you. You slide your finger back through the hole easily, reunited with your prices possession once more. Crossing portals, becoming whole, something else metaphorical that would fix you, that would make this conversation easier.
"Like I said, just a lot on my mind."
You don’t know why this is so hard.
Seungmin has always been willing to hear you out, knowing you're not one to complain when you don't need to. But something about this situation is getting to you, this prison of your own making, of trying to do everything in your own. You don't let Seungmin support you and then complain about working. You say you want fulfillment through education and then cry about midterms. You move miles away from your family to earn your independence and then wax depressive about how you're not seeing your baby sister grow up. It must be tiring for him, not just as someone who’s made similar sacrifices for his idol career, but just as a person on earth who has to listen to you all day. You don't like to be whiny. You understand your choices, and you don't regret them. You regret very little of your life, and very little of yourself, even on your worst days, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck.
"Thinking loud again,” Seungmin says.
"Does that mean the thoughts are worth more?" you ask, but there's no mirth in your voice.
"You can tell me anything, you know," he says, and you do know. Of course, you know.
"Take your own advice," you say. "It's like pulling teeth with you.'
"You shouldn't pick up my bad habits," Seungmin says. "You have plenty of your own."
He isn't saying it to be mean, it's just true. There are so many parts of yourself you prefer to ignore, this being one of them. Seungmin is all about self-improvement. Hence the book on swallows, and the afternoon off. Hence the way he's not demanding you tell him what's wrong and is instead letting you decide. He's working on being less impatient, more empathic. You're working on honesty. To be honest it's like pulling teeth for both of you.
Talking with Seungmin like this is doing...something. It isn't really making it easier to breathe, and it's not helping you ignore the piles of work you have left, but it does make it easier to remember that you two are a team in this. In being people. In suffering and paying rent and being maybe not so good with money, if he’s willing to waste it on street trinkets that will just tarnish within the year and you’re willing to encourage him by wearing them.
You're drowning in work, you both are, always, but then, the work isn't here with you, is it? Here it's Sunday afternoon, and it's golden hour, and you're on the couch with your boyfriend. And you still don't really want to tell him what the problem is, because you're afraid he'll laugh, even though he clearly won't. He would never laugh at you. He doesn't find most of what you do funny for him to start making jokes now.
"Buy me fried chicken and I might give you a thought or two," you say. "I'm bringing back the barter system.”
“Traditionalist," he says.
"True innovation is found in retrospection," you say. "I’ll make it a BOGO. Combining old with new.”
"Enough metaphors," he says. “What place do you want to order from?"
You pretend to be offended. "You don’t know my chicken order?"
"Now you're just inventing things. Coffee order, sure, even dessert order. But chicken order?”
"If you don't love me, just say that."
“This is why your thoughts are only worth a penny, just so you know."
You grin, looking up at him. You're not looking at his face through the ring, but it feels like you're seeing another world anyway, a universe where there's Just the two of you, a universe sustained only by your love.
Who cares about migrating birds, as long as Seungmin keeps flying home to you.
#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#seungmin x reader#seungmin fluff#skz imagines#skz x you#skz x y/n#seungmin imagines
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May we have Vashwood x reader part 3 please?
Authors Note: my poor anon you've been sitting in the box but I shall release you.
Sorry guys! I was super busy and then I put a bunch of work into a DnD Campaign so my creative brain was fried a bit then I got sick and then my hands got messed up from saving my cat from a dog attack and- I'm rambling! Sorry for the long wait is what I mean! Enjoy!
Other Parts Here: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 3 (Alt. End)
Vashwood x Reader Soulmate Au Pt.3
No. No absolutely not is your first thought, your second thought being I'm going to kick these idiots ass.
"Are you listening doll face?" The man, who's name is presumably "Nick" says.
It's quiet besides the blood rushing in your ears. Everyone in town is probably asleep or close to it by now and these two just keep watching you like you're supposed to know how to react to this, like this is remotely a normal situation to be in.
"Did we break them? I told you it was too much! You never listen to me" the spikey one pouts. They seem comfortable with each other, you wonder how long they've been together. You suppose it makes sense that if they had found each other first they wouldn't have thought to look for you, having multiple soulmates was rare and considering you did everything in your power to stay out of trouble it tracked that a third soulmate would be nearly undetectable, maybe you should have gotten hurt more often...no that was stupid these two had certainly caused enough pain for the three of you.
"We didn't break them just give them a second they're thinking, Jesus spikey are you the reason they say blondes are dumb?"
"Hey!"
The two men bicker and you notice that they're different in a lot of ways right off the bat. Blonde and black hair, blue and brown eyes, light and tan skin, it almost makes you wonder how you're supposed to play in here. How in the grand scheme of things the universe chose you to stand next to these, frankly, very bizarre (and handsome) men. You need to say something, you need to voice your concerns your hopes your worries-
"I hate you" It's all you can really think to say. In a way it's true and in more ways it's not. Be that as it may with all the emotions flooding through you right now on top of the fact that they've revealed themselves in the most unorthodox way possible it's making it hard to express what you actually feel clearly. Something along the lines of "you two made my life a living hell for such a long time I wanted to kill you but I've matured since then but that doesn't take away the childhood that got stripped from me but I also understand it's most likely not your fault and the fact that there's two of you makes more sense but also gives me 100 more questions-" would probably be more accurate. but "I hate you" is what ends up coming out your mouth.
"You...what?" you flinch. You weren't exactly ready for that to be asked in the most heart shattering tone in the world and when you glance up to see the blonde wears an expression akin to that of a kicked puppy you feel regret creep through your veins.
"Vash they don't mean that, I said mean shit too when we found out" Nick huffs. Ah so the kicked puppy's name is Vash good to know- ah...hang on a moment..
"Vash?" you repeat, "Vash like....like Vash the Stampede?" you say dumbly, but there was no way the man you had nearly made cry from one sentence was the Vash the Stampede that was plastered on every god forsaken wanted poster across Gunsmoke
This catches his attention, the wounded look turning into something more wide eyed like a man who's forgotten to turn off the oven at home.
"We never even introduced ourselves!" he says in alarm, brushing himself off as if it'll cause a redo of the entire situation.
"Needle noggin-" "shh"
Vash scolds the other man whos already patting his breast pocket for another smoke clearly annoyed with how this whole thing is playing out.
"Vash the Stampede and-" Vash nudges Nick who reluctantly adds
"Nicholas D. Wolfwood"
"-at your service! We've been traveling far and wide-"
"Because Spikey always get's chased out-" this earns Nick an elbow in the side which you also wince at when you feel it dig into your own ribs. Vash quickly gives you an apologetic smile but continues.
"-in hopes of finding you! y/n, we're your soulmates!" He finishes with a half hearted wiggle of his fingers and and look that reads "tada?"
You blink dully at them. Yeah that added up. This would be your life wouldn't it? First you are tormented by pain your whole life and now you find out it was because your soulmates were the man with a 1,000,000,000 double dollar bounty on his head and...actually you have no idea who this Nicholas guy is. Considering the cross...Jesus reincarnate? Unlikely but at this point you'd believe anything.
"nuh-uh" it...comes out your mouth before you can stop it.
"nuh-uh? What the fuck do you mean nuh-uh?" Wolfwood gapes pulling his glasses up, yeah...not your best moment.
"I mean, no thank you. Look, I'm sure you're great people- or maybe you aren't I don't know I heard a rumor Vash the Stampede eats babies-"
"What?!?! I don't-"
"Besides the point!" you interrupt "Look I didn't ever plan on meeting you, hell I'm not sure I even want to know you. So...I think it'd just be easier if the two of you just..." your sentence dies in your throat the longer they look at you hoping they catch your drift.
"Because we hurt you?" Nick steps a bit closer and you tell yourself it's the soulmate connection currently frying your brain and not the fact this well toned man has his whole chest out right now.
"N-No, well maybe? It's complicated" you had never planned on meeting your soulmate- or soulmates but in hindsight a bit of practice of what you were going to say might have been smart.
"We don't have to leave yet, we can stay- just so you get used to us! We aren't that bad...promise" Vash offers and damn those critically effective puppy dog eyes he uses as he moves to get a bit closer too.
"It's not that I think you're bad, it's just...I mean I hardly know you" you try, you already know it won't work. Despite not knowing them you can tell they seem the hard headed type.
"We're soulmates" Nick counters lazily as if you're the one being irrational.
"I- I don't know, I'm cleaning up here and-"
"we can help!" the eager blond insist, with another step closer.
"you really don't have to-"
"it's the least we can do, we owe ya don't we?" Nick muses, again another step.
"Well I wouldn't say that, I'm sure it wasn't your fault-"
"Maybe, maybe not but we've been looking for you for a long time" You notice Vash has a beauty mark right under his eye there's a weird urge to reach out and trace it.
"Looking for me?" you ask
"Mhmm, since we caused you a lifetime of distress I'm sure, blessed are the merciful and all that, it's your turn to receive a little mercy" ignoring the awful half bible quote Nick's smell is invading your nose, like smoke, cedarwood and-
You aren't 100% sure how it happens, all you know is you're sandwiched between the two men. It was a trap for sure, moving in ever so carfully like they were herding a scared animal. This should alarm you, two men you've just meet keeping you in place, but for some reason a warmth spreads across you. It's like seeing an old friend or coming home for holidays, a certain sort of familiarity and safeness despite not knowing much about the two at all.
"You can feel it can't you?" Vash coos down at you, using his flesh hand to tilt your head up to meet his face, stark blue eyes deeper than the ocean gaze down at you and god when did he take those glasses off?
"It was weird the first time we met too, but it feels good though right?" Nicks voice makes you shiver as his mouth ghost over your ear, hands coming to settle at your hips.
"It feels.." your eyes flutter "Like home" the three of you say in sync, Vash and Nick chuckle as if this was a predictable response but something tells you they must've said the same cheesy line when they first met.
"We don't want to hurt you anymore" Vash's other hand rubs soft circles against your ribs and you feel the sudden urge to melt into the two of them.
"We've been thinking...that we should balance it out." Vash hums as Nick works on nipping at your ear
"Balance it out?" You almost don't recognize your own voice with how breathy it ends up coming out. They really shouldn't be having this effect on you, you should be yelling, or scolding them- no you'd definitely scold them later that was still on the table but...right now seemed like a bad time.
"yeah sweetheart, pleasure for pain right?" Nick chuckles in your ear, deep and gravely whether it's from lust or the cigarette he just put out you aren't sure.
"So?" he continues, "What do you say?" you feel Vash kiss at the corner of your mouth and Nicks hot breath against your neck
"Let us show you how good we can make you feel instead?"
#vash x reader#vash x you#wolfwood x reader#wolfwood x you#trigun x reader#vashwood x reader#soulmate au
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❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗶 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗳𝘂𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲
𝟭. being consistent in journaling ( 🪻 )
i have recently started journaling more consistently and would like to maintain this line. i tried several times to start, failing miserably, because i couldn't find a method that would keep me motivated for a long time. then i purchased the famous five minutes gratitude journal, which is much easier to keep, and which i manage to update almost every day because by simply having to answer the pre-set questions my brain doesn't experience it as a commitment, unlike writing a diary page. alongside the fmj i have another diary with blank pages that i use as a proper diary, writing my reflections, talking about my day, complaining about negative things and stuff like that. i must say that it's therapeutic. i hope this is the right time i can maintain consistency in writing.
𝟮. having a more balanced diet ( 🍋🟩 )
i admit i've been eating like shit lately, a lot of sweets and processed foods alternated with periods of fasting due to guilt with the excuse of not having enough time to cook among the thousand things to do. i want to seriously commit to investing some of my time each week into preparing healthy, homemade meals (i could share some recipes here if you want, lmk) that keep me energized and don't ruin my hard work at the gym by adding empty calories to my diet.
𝟯. being consistent in the gym ( 🍄 )
and then obviously going to the gym at least 3 times a week, not really due to a matter of weight/aesthetics, but to cultivate discipline and focus. i believe that physically venting stress is the best and healthiest way to handle the crushing weight of life lately. sometimes i simply need to unload my energy without throwing a fit and risking venting it on someone who has nothing to do with it.
𝟰. reading at least 10 pages per day ( 📚 )
i love reading. i love reading madly, but i also know that i often find a thousand excuses not to do it. my brain fried by social media and zombie scrolling doesn't like the idea of concentrating on printed pages at all and i always put off reading all those books placed on my shelf gathering dust. i haven't read a book in months, so the time has come to break this bad habit and take back my greatest passion. i won't even mention all the benefits of reading, because only one book can give you so much in such a short time.
𝟱. sleep at least 8 hours ( ☕ )
i think my lack of sleep has a psychological component, but i'm no expert so what i say may not actually make any sense. i sleep little, much less than i need, when i was in high school i finished studying very late at night (past 3am) every day because i was so dependent on academic validation that the idea of getting a slightly lower grade than my usual could make me throw up. the thing is, i always delay going to sleep, even though my body is begging me to do so, and i think it's due to an inherent fear that the next day i'll have to go through it all over again. consequently in the morning i'm a wreck and i have to drag myself out of bed, being 30% as productive as i actually could be. i think it's time to work on my sleep schedule much more seriously, i think it could boost my health a lot.
𝟲. spend 15min in the sun every day ( ☀️ )
as a woman i know how important it is to be in the sun to produce vitamin D, unfortunately for me i'm some kind of goblin vampire who can't stay in the sun for more than five minutes without getting sunburned – on top of that my eyes start to water when the light too strong. i'll arm myself with sunscreen and give my body what it needs, hoping i won't get arthritis in my forties.
let me know in the comments what are YOU planning to improve in the near future <3
#academia#college#education#note taking#school#student#study aesthetic#study blog#study inspiration#study motivation#study notes#study tips#studyblr#studyinspo#studyspo#university life#university student#university#working on myself#self improvement#self care#self love
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Do you agree with Gaming Journalists and what do you think of gaming journalism in general?
What does this even mean, dude.
"Do you agree with gaming journalists"? On what?
Do I agree with Shacknews that Super Mario Bros. Wonder is a 10/10, and with Digital Spy that it's also a 7/10? Do I agree with Let's Clear Up Those Halo Battle Royale Rumors?
Like, I've gotten some bait on this blog before, but this is 2/10 stuff, man. This is some hot 2014 garbage. Like no matter what I say, you're gonna go all
"Very interesting. Then do you care to explain why..." No thanks.
My real answer: Something I learned during my time at TSSZ and being around a few people who were deeper into "the biz" than I is that everybody needs journalism more than they realize. Corporations are pushing for consumers to become their personal cheerleaders more than ever before, which makes criticism and the journalistic exposing of information seem villainous.
After all: Xbox is my friend now, so how dare you attack the Xbox. Behavior that used to be reserved for the most dedicated fanboys is now the expected room temperature. I've talked about "The Cult of Naughty Dog" before, and that's the same thing. If a corporation can get you to be parasocial with them, then they have won, and being parasocial with a corporation means shunning real investigative journalism that would otherwise undo them. Journalists and critics used to be marketing tools, but by undoing the press pipeline and talking directly to fans, journalists and critics are painted as untrustworthy for being wildcards that don't always toe the company line.
And there has been more than a decade of people with a "I choose to be stupid and ignorant on purpose" outlook, which just makes that more frustrating. We've all seen screencaps where some brainless rando tries to explain something to a person who is an expert in that field. The rando thinks they're flexing their brain, but in some cases they are arguing with the person who literally wrote the book on their topic of conversation. Some people don't want to know anything but still pretend like they know everything, when there are real people out there doing real work to uncover real truths.
Misinformation is the real problem. It should not surprise anyone that there are people out there deliberately eroding the foundation of journalistic integrity, because the less people trust journalism, the easier it is to get away with lying. The easier it is to lie, the easier it is to control the mainstream, the easier it is to scam people out of their money, so on and so forth.
And misinformation is more than just "this one news article is fake." There are long running campaigns to install people into news organizations themselves to publish false information for all manner of different goals, but it's all the same: nobody trusts anyone and it's making everyone dumber.
That's when we get crypto currency. And NFTs. And now people claiming that generative AI will save humanity. Grift after grift after grift where the people at the top of the snake oil food chain make off with billions of dollars while the rest of the world is left scratching their heads.
The law isn't going to catch them. If they do, it'll take years. Look at how long it took for Sam Bankman-Fried to get caught -- he operated for almost half an entire decade. The amount of damage somebody can get away with in five years is significant.
We need journalism. Real journalism. Good journalism. Watchdogs that keep an eye on things and blow the whistle when it goes bad. Somebody to enforce accountability that isn't a cop.
Where do you find that? That's the hardest question. I'm lucky enough that I know people I trust because they are long time friends, or friends of friends, and thus they've been properly vetted in my circle as The Real Deal. But there are a lot of outlets out there who claim to champion "truth" and "intelligence" in a way to prey upon insecurity. I mean, c'mon, Trump's social media platform is called "Truth Social" and is basically the furthest thing from the truth you will ever get from anyone, ever.
The more obsessively they try to convince you they're telling the truth, the less likely it is they actually are. Which in itself could be an attack meant to undo the foundations of trust in people who actually know what they're talking about. By casting doubt on the very concept of truth itself, they can lie with increasingly greater efficiency.
Any advice I give feels like it is incredibly circumstantial. Which is the point, and is why we're in the state we're in.
Here's a good pdf by The News Literacy Project that's probably a good place to start. The general gist is "you'll have to do a lot of fact checking for yourself" but that's unfortunately where we're at these days.
But by and large I would say life is a lot harder for real journalists right now than I think some of their critics have ever thought about. There are people out there trying to do actual good work and being a bubble-brained moron about it just makes everything harder for everyone.
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Happy to Help
Pairing: Keys x f!Reader
Genre: smut (18+, minors DNI)
Word count: 3.7k
Summary: Forgetting you'd spoken to customer support from your favourite game leads to something getting sent to the wrong person.
A/N: Listen, I know there's a set-up for potentially more. I would like to write potentially more. But nothing puts a writer off more than demands for a part 2, okay? For now, enjoy my first ever Keys fic. :)
Welcome to Free City Customer Support. We appreciate your patience. Connecting you to a member of our team…
Keys: Hi there! What seems to be the problem today?
You: hi, my screen is like. frozen dead. can't do anything, can't click anything. can't alt-tab out, can't ctrl-alt-delete. but i made a lot of progress between save points and idk if it can still be salvaged
Keys: Oof, yeah, that's the worst. Hopefully we can get you back up and running. Real quick, are you sure it's not your internet? I mean, you seem like you know your way around a computer, just worth double-checking, if it's your network then there's not a lot I can do.
You: yeah, sorry, should have added that. everything else that connects to my internet is working. i have an error message if that helps?
Keys: Yes! That's amazing! Can you send me it, please?
You: it says "error 72816: attempting patch repair"
You: there was a spinning buffering wheel in the corner but it gave up the ghost about twenty minutes ago.
Keys: Interesting. I don't remember making that error message, let alone what would trigger it. Are you sure that's what it says? No typos?
You: you wound me.
You: jk jk sorry this is a Very Professional Customer Support Exchange. no, definitely no typos.
Keys: Hahaha, don't worry, I've read far worse messages from people today, that made me laugh!
Keys: This is a little unorthodox but I'm wracking my brain here and I can't think of another solution. If I give you my work phone number, would you text me a photo of your screen?
Keys: Usually, I'd ask for an email of a screenshot, but, well…
You: yeah sure, whatever gets me out of this purgatory.
Keys: Super appreciate your patience here. My number is:
Keys: [redacted]
Keys: Okay, got it, deleted the message with my number so it won't show up in chat history, in case you're wondering. Data protection and all.
You: the professional techie guy with the techie-ass nickname being cautious about cyber security? groundbreaking.
Keys: Haha! You got me there!
Keys: Oh! Wait! Are you registered as a beta tester?
You: no?? i didn't know that was a thing??
Keys: Yeah, all ours are internal and I don't recognise your username in our database, now that I've pulled it up. I think you must have just slipped through the cracks, let me look into the code of our new test area and see if I can boot you back out.
You: ooh, are you gonna come bursting in through my door with a swat team to erase my memory, too?
Keys: I'm just a "professional techie guy" here, not a Man In Black, haha.
Keys: Hey, I see you!
Keys: In this code, I mean.
Keys: It's showing up that there's an unauthorized player.
Keys: That's what I meant.
You: well yeah, didn't think you were in my walls or anything
Keys: Just making sure! Didn't want you really thinking I was stalking you or anything.
Keys: Still don't remember making that error message, but that's another mystery, I guess.
You: ooh, maybe the game's becoming sentient and it's outgrowing us all!
Keys: There's that imagination again!
Keys: I'm gonna reset your position to your safehouse, hopefully also keeping your progress intact? If this doesn't work then a hard reboot is unfortunately the only other way.
You: you're a doll.
You: AHHHH IT WORKED I'M BACK AND I STILL GOT A SICK ASS BIKE WAITING FOR ME IN MY GARAGE
You: THANK YOU SO MUCH AHHHHHH
Keys: Pleasure's all mine, glad I could help. Please reach out if it happens again! Or if you have any other issues!
You: will do. so long, techie guy. thanks for everything!
Keys: Happy playing!
— — — —
It's been a relatively quiet Friday evening for you. Nobody's made any plans to go out, and you're unsure yourself whether you have the energy to. You've pretty much spent your whole day gaming, so you should probably fill your social battery a little, but do you really want to go to a bar by yourself?
You glance over at your phone and smirk at it. There is that guy you've been talking to… Maybe you'll send him something to spice the night up.
Once you've done your hair and make-up to add to the whole look, you find your cutest set of underwear, put it on and take a couple of selfies until there's one you're especially pleased with. Your muscle memory has you tapping three message contacts down, where he always is since you've been texting friends all day, and sending the photo on autopilot with the message: Hey, you.
You giggle with delight when your phone chimes almost immediately after - you've really got this guy whipped, huh - but are surprised to see you've apparently forgotten who else you texted today.
[8:23pm] Keys: OH
[8:23pm] Keys: OH NO
[8:23pm] Keys: I think
[8:23pm] Keys: You've sent this
[8:24pm] Keys: To the wrong person
[8:24pm] Keys: I'm so sorry I saw that!
[8:25pm] You: that's okay, i don't mind that you saw it. :)
[8:25pm] You: besides, burning the midnight oil, still being at your work phone?! don't they have out of hours customer service?
[8:29pm] Keys: I… Might have lied about this being my work phone. I normally have one, but it's getting fixed so I thought I would get away with saying it was a work line to help you out.
[8:30pm] You: and then i went and accidentally sent you an unsolicited lewd. sorry.
[8:36pm] Keys: It was just a shock, is all!
[8:38pm] You: well, since we're both here, and since you haven't deleted the photo yet despite how quickly you deleted your number from the chat log earlier, *and* how long it's taking you to reply, what do you think?
[8:40pm] Keys: Oh god, you're so right, I'm so sorry, I'll delete it now.
[8:40pm] You: don't!
[8:40pm] You: like i said, i want your feedback on it now.
[8:41pm] Keys: Oh! Well, it's very nice.
[8:41pm] You: nice?! ouuuuch.
[8:42pm] Keys: What do you mean? Nice is a compliment!
[8:43pm] You: yeah, from your grandma when you've given her a birthday card. c'mon, i can take it. tell me what you REALLY think. :)
[8:50pm] Keys: I… I think you're very attractive.
[8:51pm] You: there you go! it's super adorable that you're stammering over text, btw.
[9:01pm] Keys: [image attached]
[9:01pm] Keys: It felt weirdly unbalanced that you at least didn't know what I looked like, too.
[9:02pm] You: well damn, no wonder they call you keys, because you are just my *type!*
[9:02pm] You: get it?
[9:03pm] Keys: …That was cheesy as hell.
[9:03pm] Keys: But I like cheese :]
[9:03pm] You: oh yeah? give me your cheesiest pick-up line
[9:13pm] Keys: Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe!
[9:13pm] You: i award that 🧀🧀🧀/5. you could be cheesier.
[9:19pm] Keys: Okay, fine.
[9:20pm] Keys: Are you Google? Because you have everything I'm searching for.
[9:22pm] You: 🧀🧀🧀🧀. are YOU google because i'm feeling lucky. ultimate cheese has no comeback. c'mon, you're so close.
[9:26pm] Keys: Oof, okay, give me a sec.
[9:28pm] Keys: Although really you should never use Google if you can help it, they already datamine so much information out of you that the less you use any Google product, the safer you are. I use DuckDuckGo myself, but you should really do your own research when it comes to cybersecurity rather than just blindly trust someone, even if they are a professional.
[9:28pm] You: keys.
[9:29pm] Keys: Right. Sorry.
[9:38pm] Keys: If you were a grade, you'd be A+, because I want to take you home and show you to my parents.
[9:39pm] You: okay, that wins. maximum cheese for keys 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀
[9:39pm] You: next ranking category: 🌶️
[9:39pm] You: let's see what you got, hot stuff
[9:45pm] Keys: What?! I can't just send you stuff like that! That's so forward!
[9:46pm] You: keys you've seen my tits
[9:46pm] You: i think we're past that
[9:55pm] Keys: Accidentally!
[9:55pm] You: and all the time you spend scrolling back up to it is "accidental", too?
[9:56pm] Keys: …How could you tell?
[9:57pm] You: every now and then you take a little bit longer between messages. just assuming you're scrolling up lol
[9:56pm] You: like i keep saying. i don't mind at all. you don't have to be shy around me
[9:58pm] Keys: Well, since all my cards are apparently on the table so obviously…
[9:58pm] Keys: Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a foot-long.
[9:59pm] You: ????? talk about 0-60! also i think that deserves negative 🌶️ for the psychic damage it caused me to read
[10:00pm] Keys: You just turned my software into hardware.
[10:00pm] You: what happened to "that's so forward", eh?
[10:01pm] You: but, credit where it's due, 🌶️🌶️. normally a 🌶️ but from you it's like a 2.5/5
[10:01pm] Keys: Your outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.
[10:01pm] You: oh
[10:02pm] You: oh my god
[10:02pm] You: oh you sweet boy, you're googling them, aren't you
[10:02pm] You: or whatever you use instead
[10:04pm] Keys: Some of us need the extra help! We're not all as smooth as you.
[10:04pm] You: sure you are, baby, you just need to get comfortable
[10:05pm] Keys: But I'm already on my bed!
[10:05pm] You: not just in that way! try taking something off
[10:06pm] You: and then send me proof 😇
[10:11pm] Keys: [image attached]
[10:11pm] Keys: ;]
[10:12pm] You: taking off your glasses doesn't count, dork!
[10:12pm] Keys: [image attached]
[10:12pm] Keys: like this?
[10:13pm] You: holy fuck
[10:13pm] You: hi you're hot
[10:14pm] Keys: Hahaha, thank you? I still don't feel any more charismatic, though!
[10:15pm] You: well, going back to your line about being like a good grade you wanna take home… does that maybe mean you also want to pin me up on the fridge?
[10:18pm] Keys: Well, the fridge isn't very sturdy. I think I'd rather do that against the wall.
[10:18pm] You: okay now *that’s* hot
[10:18pm] You: and what would you do with me once you'd pinned me to the wall?
[10:24pm] Keys: I'm not very good at all of the imaginative talk stuff that sounds sexy. Even using the word seems like the total opposite of what I'm trying to do.
[10:25pm] You: not at all, sometimes bluntness is the sexiest thing of all.
[10:29pm] Keys: Well, I'd really like to kiss you. All over, actually.
[10:29pm] You: *all* over?
[10:31pm] Keys: Yeah. The way you were posing made your neck look amazing.
[10:32pm] Keys: Oh god, now I sound like a vampire
[10:34pm] You: i promise you don't, that was my intention when i took it lol. besides, vampires are sexy as hell. i'd love it if you kissed my neck
[10:34pm] You: would you touch me?
[10:35pm] Keys: Wouldn't I be holding you against the wall?
[10:36pm] You: true, but there's other ways. like, you could put your leg between mine to keep me in place
[10:37pm] You: mmm, and then i could grind against your thigh while you keep this little promise of kissing and touching me *all over*
[10:37pm] You: does that sound good?
[10:41pm] Keys: Oh god yes
[10:43pm] You: and then that leaves my hands free to touch you, too. i wanna play connect the dots with those cute little moles of yours
[10:47pm] Keys: Oh my god
[10:48pm] Keys: that made me want to trace them myself for some reason and that felt so good
[10:49pm] You: you're touching yourself AND not paying attention to grammar anymore? for lil ol' me?
[10:49pm] You: that deserves a reward, i think
[10:51pm] You: [image attached]
[10:51pm] You: i seem to have lost my bra, come over and help me find it?
[10:58pm] Keys: holy shit
[10:58pm] Keys: can i just say what i'm thinking and then you can tell me if i'm going to far
[10:59pm] You: i think you mean *too, nerd boy, but yes, i'd love that
[11:06pm] Keys: sorry typing is getting difficult at the moment
[11:11pm] Keys: i want to hold them so bad. they look amazing, especially with your nipples so hard
[11:11pm] You: when you say typing is difficult, are you touching yourself right now?
[11:12pm] You: because now i'm playing with my nipples and wishing it was you
[11:13pm] You: tell me, baby. you want me to rub them? squeeze them? you wanna come over and suck on them?
[11:17pm] Keys: i want to feel them get hard. want to touch them while i kiss you
[11:17pm] You: attaboy! i knew you had it in you
[11:19pm] You: they're so sensitive now. and humping my pillow as if it’s your leg isn't enough, can i touch myself for you, please?
[11:23pm] Keys: oh god yes please do
[11:23pm] You: are you okay to call? i have a feeling both of us are getting preoccupied now
Your phone lights up with the name "Keys Freecity" and you immediately put it on speaker, letting the phone rest on your pillow next to you. "Well, hey there."
"Uh, hi." His voice is shaking and his breath is hitching.
"You know, you never told me if you were touching yourself or not," you point out.
"I - I am," he stammers out, and you purr back.
"God, I wish I was there to do that for you. Or at least to watch. I bet you look so fucking good right now. What are you thinking about, then, huh?"
"I was, uh… Thinking, about… The way you look up in those photos… And…" He falters out, but you hear the faintest groan, still.
"Aw, you want me to suck you off, baby?" You tease. "Thinking about me looking up at you? My lips wrapped around your cock? Mmm, I bet it's so big I can barely fit, huh?"
"I… I mean, it's not the sandwich I promised earlier, but… It's definitely bigger than… Average," Keys explains, and you don't hold back on the moan that hearing that news elicits from you.
You still laugh softly at his joke. "Yeah, I could tell, baby. Fuck, when are you coming over and splitting me in half already?"
"God, I wish I could," he replies in a strained voice. “Also, it’s really - hot when y- you call me that.”
"Yeah? And how do you like it, baby? You wanna fuck me on my back, so you can keep watching me as you play with me? Or you wanna be the one to lay there and take it while I bounce on your dick? Or d- do you wanna just - bend me over and - fuck me senseless, huh?" As you finally give into temptation, sliding your hand beneath your panties and finally giving your clit the attention it's been craving for far too long, your breath hitches and your voice gets weaker.
“Oh, god, I… All of it, god, please, I don’t care, just want you,” he groans through the phone.
“I want you too, baby, you sound so good,” you croon sultrily, rubbing yourself in faster, tighter circles. “Are you close, hm? Gonna cum for me? I wanna hear you get off so bad.”
“Wanna - wanna get off for yo- with you, want you, please,” he whines.
“Mmm, tell me one more time, baby. What are you thinking of now?” You ask as you sink a finger inside of you. “Thinking of fucking me, yet?”
“Mm - mm-hm,” Keys whimpers. “You - You on top of me, talking like that and - and riding me, treating my cock so good.”
“I’d treat you so good, baby," you groan, adding another finger. "And you'd fill me up, wouldn't you? Fuck me - oh, right there," you whine as you curl your fingers to hit just the right spot. "Oh god, Keys, need you inside me."
Something about you saying his name short-circuits his brain. You just about hear his strained string of moans and profanities through the phone, picturing in your head how that sweet face of his must look - eyes glassing over, lips slightly parted, chest heaving. Maybe you’d fuck him with his glasses on. Maybe they’d be clouded over, knocked askew on his face as you bounced up and down on his dick. “Did you just come for me, baby?” you coo, your shoulders tensing and toes curling as you feel your own release building.
"Mm-hm, yeah, made - made a real mess of myself, shit," he half-laughs with exhaustion.
“That’s my good boy,” you smile dazedly, your core convulsing around your fingers. "Want me to cum for you, too?"
"Oh, shit, you haven- where are my - God, fuck, yes, let me hear you s… Say my name," his voice shakes with the effort he's trying to exude confidence into his tone, betrayed by the immediate, "please," that rolls off his tongue.
Closing your eyes, imagining that look on his face again, pressing your phone flush against your ear as if it pulls him closer to you, you finally leg out an, "Oh, god, Keys!" before finally feeling yourself gush down your fingers, past your hand, even. Breathing heavily, you pant, "Shit, baby, I think you made me squirt."
"Is that a good thing?" he asks meekly.
"Very. You doing good, now?"
"Very!" He repeats back to you, breathlessly, making you laugh. "Sorry I was so… Pathetic, I guess. God," his voice muffles as though he's rubbing his face while he talks. "But it did sound like you were into it a little," he points out with a lilt in his voice.
You grin, "I sure did, but if you wanted to do it again, but more… Confidently, I'd be more than happy to do that again. If you wanted."
"I've never really done… Any of that before, like, at all," he starts, and you interrupt him with a laugh.
"Yeah, no shit, Mr Subway!"
"Ah, like I said, that's not entirely untrue," he laughs awkwardly. "But I've especially never done anything with a total stranger, much less someone I helped through work, um, they can't - you wo- please, don't -"
"You mean this isn't standard practice for Free City customer support?" You tease sarcastically, before adding in a serious tone, "I won't tell a soul. Besides, I like having you as my dirty little secret."
He chuckles, "Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah. Maybe the next time you're feeling up to it, we can video call."
"N-Next time?!"
You hurriedly add, "If you wanted, you sounded like you did, if this is the first and last, that's totally -"
"No! I mean, yeah! I mean… If that's… Cool," he stammers.
You smile, "It's very cool. Just gotta be a little more confident. Isn't there something you do when you need that extra boost? Like, surely in the game you gotta be a little more self-assured around trolls and hackers and shit, right?"
He groans, "I was hoping you wouldn't ask about that."
Grinning wickedly, you poke further. "Well, now I have to know. Who are you in the game? Have I ever seen you?"
"I… I play a cop," he admits, sounding as though he'd rather the ground swallowed him whole. "It's usually me and my buddy, and he's - he's a rabbit."
You light up. "Shut the fuck up, you're Dirty Stripper Cop?!"
"Oh god, the players call me that, too?! It's bad enough that Mouser does," he groans in despair.
"No, this is perfect. You just let me know when you’re ready to bring… Dirty Stripper Cop to our little talks, and I’ll be waiting,” you bite back a laugh as you repeat his character’s nickname in the hopes that he’ll still take your offer seriously.
A moment of silence exists between the two of you before he pipes up, “...And what if I still want to talk to you, without… All of this? I mean, if that’s all you want, then I guess, but… I dunno, you still seem really cool, and you made me laugh today, even at work when it felt weird in my cheeks to start smiling. But if this is all you want with -”
The rest of his words get drowned out as you move your phone away from its position to look at your dating app notifications. Keys has apparently not been your only option tonight. And you’ve never been one to commit. But something tells you that this was the best offer you’re getting. And the next one will be. As will the one after that, and that’s not even set in stone, yet. But you’re hoping to guarantee it.
As you return your headset to your ear, he’s still rambling. You cut him off with a simple, “Keys.” He shuts up quickly, and you continue, “I - I meant it. I wanna talk to you again. Maybe more than just this, I dunno, I’m bad at this sorta stuff. But… You’re cute. In more ways than one. And if you wanna keep talking, I’ll try. But that’s all I can promise.”
“That’s enough for me! I’ll, um, I’ll text you in the morning, then? Or is that too soon?”
“I honestly wish I could tell you,” you admit sadly. You hope it gets through to him that your reservations aren’t on his part.
Thankfully for you, he doesn’t seem so keen to give up. “Alright! Well, I suppose I got some cleaning up to do before I get some shut-eye. Um, so I’ll talk to you, tomorrow… At some point. Um, goodnight!”
“Goodnight, baby.”
#keys x reader#keys x you#keys imagine#walter keys mckey x reader#walter keys mckey x you#walter keys mckey imagine#keys free guy x reader#keys free guy x you#keys free guy imagine#*myfics#fic: keys
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Curious Time - Lando Norris
Lando Norris x Singer!reader
Multiple part series where their friendship was easy, their feelings were confusing and the distance was the hardest <3
(Third person perspective)
PART 4 -
I KNOW IT WON’T WORK
"What if I'm not worth the time and breath your saving?"
yourusername just posted
It's finally finished! My debut album! I'm so proud of this, she's my baby. Thank you for being patient over these last 6 years. We've had singles, we've had EPs and now an ALBUM.
Introducing "I know it won't work" out November 4th!
To thank you, one more single off the album before she's all yours. The song the whole project is named after, 'I know it won't work' is yours!
Liked by landonorris, pietrapiola and 127,000 others
Since leaving Lando's in the summer, y/n had worked non stop on the album. She was right in telling him it wouldn't work as they now were speaking less than they ever had. Hence the blatantly obvious title track written solely about him. She put her soul into this album, songs that were personal to her every experience.
Everyone would interpret them differently, one of the things she loved about her art. But he'd know and in the back of her mind she worried for his reaction. Would he be happy? Would he be hurt?
Beautiful song. Call me sometime.
That was it. A simple message as if he knew she was worrying. It was just enough to calm her. She left his in May it was now September. Things were fine for a month, until calls got few and far between how she'd expected. It was normal she knew they'd come back to each other but this one hurt more, maybe because she felt his promises were now empty.
July was worse as Lando was spotted with some model she'd not heard of. She wasn’t one to believe gossip pages, so when she saw she couldn't think quick enough before her hands had type a message to Pietra, her inside woman when it came to Lando gossip due to her boyfriend and his 'bromance' as they call it.
Pietra confirmed they were causally seeing each other. Empty promises. Y/n found herself infatuated with the mystery girl, leading to her writing one of her songs 'Lacy' off her new album.
The song she is performing tonight at the Brits. She's beyond nervous. Not speaking to Lando before hand like she usually would isn't helping. She's on in 30 minutes and her brain is racking up all the things that could go wrong. But he's not hers to call anymore.
Pietra was there but she was engrossed in her phone, not aware of y/n’s mental termoil.
Y/n’s phone rings... Lando. She doesn't want to give in but God does she need these nerves to go.
"Hi Lan, long time no speak." She sighs out of awkwardness.
"P told me you're a surprise guest at the Brits? Why didn't you tell me? I'm so proud of you y/n/n." He cheers. She can hear the smile in his voice talking like nothing had changed, like she hadn't just released a song about how much she dreaded the idea of them together.
"I wasn't meant to tell anybody, you know."
"I'm not anybody though, y/n/n." He sounds hurt now. That's not what she meant. She just wasn't sure he cared anymore. She'd been ignoring him after she found out about his mystery girl leading them to only drift further apart. "What are you singing tonight? The song about me or..." he teases.
She's glad he gets it, she's glad he's not angry.
"Um, well. No. Well it's not the latest song if that's what's your asking?" She stutters, it's not the one he's heard, but not far fri being about him.
"Another one about me? Oh I am flattered. Can this one be a little happier this time. I wasn't all bad in our friendship."
"Oh this one is sort of about you, but not really. And it's not happy I'm sorry, I wrote it when I was a little crazy but it's too good to not release." She's rambling, he knows she's nervous whether it be about the performance about the song abour talking to him, he can sense it.
"10 minutes!" Someone yells form outside her dressing room
"Lan I've got to go. Thank you for calling. We'll speak soon?" Another empty promise.
"Y/n/n, wait. You'll smash it you know. You're amazing at what you do, everyone will love it whatever it's about."
He always knew what she needed to hear, she hated that about him. She hated that they were still so in sync. But he's with someone else, it won't work.
As she steps on stage, smoke circles around her feet. The lights so bright she can barely see the crowd, it makes it easier.
"Lacy, oh Lacy..."
The cheers were deafening, she'd never felt more acknowledged, more proud. Tears in her eyes she hugs her guitarist so tight. She's proud of herself, her hard work paying off.
She doesn't stick around for press, the alcohol she downed after her performance would throw all PR training out the window. Pietra joins her to continue the party back at her London flat.
Yourusername just posted a picture
You got the one thing that I want
Brits thank you for having me
A couple of drinks more and P makes her way home to Max, leaving Pippa alone once more. A little too drunk to control her best interests, picking up her phone. Clicking Lando. It rings and rings until,
"Y/n, it's 2am where you are! What's wrong?"
"Lan! I did it! Did you see me? Of course you didn't, but I did it! I wish you were here." Why did she say that, but she didn't care right now she wanted him to be proud of her.
"Of course I saw y/n/n. Would never miss something like that. You're so talented, unbelievably talented."
"Lando who's on the phone"
Y/n heard it, the girl she's penned as Lacy. Embarrassment flushes her already red face from the alcohol.
"I didn't realise you had company, I'll leave you to it. Im sorry." A lump forming almost instantly in her throat. The alcohol heightening her emotions, although they were very real, just never this on the surface.
"Don't be sorry. I'll sit in the living room, we haven't spoke in so long please don't hang up. Please." She can't say no, she could never say no. He has a hold on her. They both know it, it infuriates her, causing her to blurt out emotions she saved only for writing sessions never to his face.
"You broke your promise." So quiet he almost missed it.
"What promise?"
Ouch.
"You promised to wait for me. You said it'd be different. We speak less than we ever have. I'm losing you and you're losing me. It's supposed to be us Lando. Now its you two."
"You never gave me a chance, y/n/n. You never gave me a chance in our friendship nor a relationship. You got fixated that it would be bad, you pushed me away not the other way around."
"I'm scared that's why! Not because I don't want you because I'm terrified it'll ruin what we have."
"Well we don't even have that anymore."
Double ouch.
"I'm going to go. I'm sorry I shouldn't have called."
"Y/n/n- wait- I-" He stutters, he doesn't know what he wants to say, he just doesn't want her to go. The girl in his bed is a pass time, he even thinks she's aware of it. She's enjoying her 5 minutes of fame, nice holidays and dinners knowing she's a place holder for the one he can't have.
"Bye Lan"
Tears finally leave her eyes, built up from 2 years of fighting for each other to end with nothing. Why was she so scared of the one thing she wanted? She hated herself right now. She couldn't stop crying from such a high to such a low. She reached to her phone which was still pinging with messages from Lando. Switching it off the tears fell and fell staining her blush coloured pillows.
This is all wrong and she's not sure it'll ever be right.
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