#i've been dealing with this shit
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A h-heartfelt reunion..?
Bonus
#Sir Crocodile#Monkey D Dragon#Emporio Ivankov#Dragodile#Crocodad#My art#One Piece#We're not gonna talk about the work I should be doing rn I have Severe Procrastinitis and I'm doing my best okay#Alternative version where it was both Crocodile and Garp beating Dragon's ass before Iva-chan joined in but that was too much effort lmao#I'm a believer in Dragon being a Wind Logia so don't worry guys he is 100% taking this beating intentionally#He knows what he did and he's dealing with the concequences of his actions. With grace.#You know I realize Iva-chan should be two whole meters taller than Crocodile but we're just gonna ignore that#Look Iva-chan taking Crocodile's side and being like ''Crocoboy is right you fucked up bad Dragon'' brings me joy#And for real I've been wanting to draw this for months. But never did because I had other shit to do. Which I still do#But. You know. Sometimes you need to draw a shitpost. It's ✨ self-care ✨#And appearently One Piece shitpost comics have become the thing I draw for myself on occassion
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the party visits Hawkins for the holidays, circa December 1991.
i was lucky enough to get to participate in a secret santa gift exchange along with my friends, some of the most talented people in the stranger things fandom! my recipient was @halosketches, one of the coolest people i know. it was a pleasure to be able to work on this and i'm happy to able to share it now! happy holidays, boys 🫶
#byler#stranger things#mike wheeler#will byers#lumax#lucas sinclair#max mayfield#the party#st#stranger things 4#stranger things fanart#sorry for disappearing for over a month!!#been having a bit of a weird time. weird relationship with my art.#i've also been spending a great deal of my time working on commissions and other obligations#so i've been a bit wrapped up!#but i hope to be able to post more soon once i finish everything i need to and hopefully repair my relationship with my work#happy holidays!!#i hope you're all doing well :)#mods talks shit#mods draws#mods art
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as someone who got frog-boiled into accepting abuse, the best advice I can give you is that the FIRST time your partner does something that makes you uncomfortable, you need to stand up for yourself. don't brush it off because you think it's a random blip.
the first month I knew my ex-spouse, they snapped at me over something silly in a way that felt controlling and demeaning, and I put it down to a long, tiring day and said nothing. that was a mistake.
because now, looking back at it, I know that if I'd said "hey, that came across as a little more hurtful than I think you meant it to, can I ask you to try not to talk to me that way?", they probably would have doubled and tripled down, and yelled at me a bunch for "not accepting their way of communicating", and we probably would have broken up.
and I probably wouldn't be here, seven years later, trying to heal from a relationship where their ever-increasing aggression regularly resulted in me hiding behind furniture while they screamed about how offensive it was for me to be scared.
you can tell a lot about someone from how they take feedback in a relationship, but only if you remember that you are worthy of taking up the space needed to voice that feedback in the first place.
#abuse cw#relationships#idk how to tag shit like this and idk how much I will or won't say about this relationship in the future so idk if it even needs a tag#but yeah this is like level one of the shit I've been dealing with the last few years
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Why is 13's regen abt a white dude and why is 15's regen abt a white dude when do we get rid of that white man that just Cannot let other people have their own moments I swear this is so old, like really, it's a tale as old as time where white dudes are the center of the narrative and universe and everyone caters to them, and I'm so bored of it being celebrated. It's not innovative, it's not new, it's not brave.
#dw shit#dw negativity#im literally actually bored#We've been Knowing the same shit was done to whittaker and gatwa outside the show#and got treated like we're just bitter bc of very real criticism about the optics and treatment of them botj#*both#and worried that the same thing would happen in the show#and uh...#like really? idc abt wacky plot points but I've just spent Years dealing with ppl#digging under the sea to think of reasons to be pissed at anything that happened in or bts in 13's era#and this foul treatment is front and center and it's not an issue?#gatwa deserves the spotlight in the most important moments#he has been denied them both in and out of the show and i have yet to be given a good reason#as to why that's acceptable.#can somebody Please let dt know this shit bc he's a clueless as fuck privileged white dude but by all accounts seems nice enough#and i think he'd Probably care if he had a clue
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Au where Dipper is deadass blind (working at the library) and cannot see the tall lanky monster thingy in front of him and just kinda assumes it's a human - he knows somethings a bit off about the guy, but he stops his assumptions there bc it's rude and he got over his paranormal phase years ago. (He didn't)
#billdip#digital art#dipper pines#gravity falls#author#fanfic#art#mlm#bill cipher#au#fanart#inspo from frankinsteins monster (idk if i spelled that right) bc the og book had a blind dad talk to the monster#of course the guys family walked in on them talking and screamed bloody fuck and kinda shoo'ed the monster away#except in this au Bill wasnt really created he just kinda always lived and lurked to stalk humans and make deals since thats his food#kinda?#might change that though idk if I'll ever actually write it since I've been unmotivated w billdip for awhile#also dippers family doesnt shoo Bill away bc he lives alone#Pacifica tries to. But. Well that doesn't rlly work out that well#she tells Dipper that the guys a literal fucking illuminati monster taller than his door#dipper just kinda shrugs her off bc shes joked about shit he cant see being a monster and hes kinda over it by then#the girl cries wolf on her end#dip secretely wishes it to be true bc its been his sick fantasy ever since he was a teen#call him dorky or sick. he wont care#fanfics about monster fuckung had drilled into his mind#hes corrupted#in a good way#join the dark side dipper🤲#k bye
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“I found for me, being creative and writing songs or writing short stories or creating something or poetry or something like that – if it came out good, if I enjoyed it, I could kind of ride that creative high for at least a day or two. And I felt normal again,” he says. “I would have to force myself to do something productive, and then it made me forget about myself.” (x, x)
#frank iero#frankieroedit#mcr#mcredit#my chemical romance#userkam#chronic illness#chronic pain#disability#long post#ls dunes#medical cw#just in case#i've been really having a rough time dealing with new chronic health issues after having had to adjust to chronic pain in the last year so#i made this as a kind of catharsis#cause i really do look to frank for a lot of comfort and reassurance that even when shit sucks and is hard#with your body#you can keep going and make things that are important to you creatively#fingerguns
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I truly hope the rumors of tumblr selling its user's artwork and other images to midjourney aren't real, because I am extremely tired of having to uproot and move around on the internet and still haven't fully recovered from the old dA-to-tumblr exodus... But juuuust in case a deal like that does go through, I'mma just leave this linktree post here. Just, y'know, for reasons.
The worst part is, you can't even delete or go back and edit your posts to opt out if this happens, because reblogs are unaffected. If anyone has ever reblogged your work there will be no way to opt out of this unless we can get a class action suit for tumblr going, or I guess report our own artwork and hope they nuke it themselves.
Just... Really didn't fuckin need this. Tumblr has been my internet home since 2011. I may not have a lot of followers, but I've made a lot of friends here over the years, and i don't wanna start all over from scratch AGAIN because some pissbaby CEO decided to have a transphobic breakdown and sell out all of the site's artists to theft machine robber barons for a shiny nickel.
I'm hesitant to post on insta too because zuck's vacuuming up everything for his AI too. Same with musk. Like, where the hell can we even go now?
All I can think of rn is just... Bluesky, cohost, sheezyart (which is as of this post still in closed beta), and newgrounds. There's furaffinity and stuff too but idk if I draw enough furries to be on a furry site, y'know? Idk, maybe my werecreature and nonhuman character stuff counts but just ughhh if we gotta move, can we all just agree on a place and move together and not scatter to the winds again? That would be great.
#seriously i am so tired of every single place i've worked hard to get anywhere on pulling heinous shit like this#sheezyart cant open back up fast enough#i also need to post more on bluesky now that that's open too#like i know the internet's already been scraped but you just know#ai corpos are making these deals so they can skirt the lawsuits and say they 'legally licensed' our works fair and square
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so this isn't a post that i wanted to make but it is one i feel like i have to make, because right now i don't really trust that what i've requested privately will be followed. but:
this is a notice that i'm rescinding my permission for Moderneopets to use my bases, unreleased finished pets and items, and unfinished concepts. this only includes the files i've made from scratch. i'm deeply unsatisfied with the way situations have been handled, with how dismissive the response has been to my concerns and feelings about them, and that it took users coming in for art that was asked to be removed last month to be placeholdered.
i realise that in doing so i am opening myself up to a "hit piece" by the troll that's been slinging insults and false accusations at people since the situation in november, but i'm going to be honest, i want to move on and this may be one of the only ways to actually do that.
#neopets#moderneopets#neotag#i'm never contributing to a site like this again i swear to god#anyway aside from mutant mint and vivid (last two) all of these were supposed to be finished for the yumack release#but there was a coding fuckup that caused one to get out early#and the release had to be rushed bc of that.#so i've also had to deal with people shitting on me for not caring enough about them since which has been gr8
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me: i wish someone other than intsys would make a good tactical RPG with Fire Emblem-style gameplay for me to enjoy
studio: look we made a cool new tactical RPG that fans of strategy games like Fire Emblem will enjoy
me: is the gameplay Final Fantasy Tactics or Advance Wars
studio: it's a good tactical RPG ma'am. fans of strategy games like Fire Emblem will enjoy it :)
me: *plays 20 minutes of it*
(it's FF Tactics or Advance Wars)
#buny text#no shade to either of those games but ff tactics is not really my thing and advance wars is EXTREMELY not my thing#and you would not believe the number of times i have been recommended something like Wargroove when i complain about the decline of FE game#i want more shit like FE Echoes#like literally i'd be overjoyed if i could just play ports/remakes of older FEs with modern difficulty balancing and QoL features#it's deeply frustrating to me that if i want an FE game without permadeath i have to also deal with dating mechanics and a persona calendar#i'm just really surprised i've seen so many indie devs and other studios play off of classic TRPGs but they never seem to do FE#i really thought fuckin uhhhh. triangle strategy or whatever was gonna be it. but i played the demo and it's FF tactics#anyways all the more reason for me to get into gamedev so i can make my OWN indie fire emblem. with gay nonbinary space furries or whatever
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i miss destiel like so fucking much :(
#everything seems weird lately and maybe it's the i-am-almost-30 crisis i've been struggling with the past year#and all the shit i've had to deal with the past 2 years#like idk i miss spn and getting excited over cons and promos and new stuff and destiel and everything else :(#i'm just thinking out loud again#shut your mouth maria
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Second prompt fill for @beril66! Let's have a little fun with this one XD
"Please hold me" for Trazyn/Orikan
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Solemnace was a planet constantly perched on the precipice of disaster. The wrong stasis breach or mechanical malfunction could spell instant doom for the great museum world. Ashkut faced that reality each day as Solemnace’s Royal Warden. But if Overlord Trazyn decided in his wisdom to house every possible superweapon, demi-god, and monstrosity in the galaxy in once collection, it was Ashkut’s job to ensure he and Solemnace survived the process.
Sometimes he simply wished the job was easier.
The planet’s alarm system alerted Ashkut that there was unusual activity deep within the galleries. Not the display areas, but the “stacks” as the crypteks called the network of storage rooms and study areas near the planet’s inert core. What alarm did not tell him was what kind of unusual activity he might face.
Ashkut summoned a company of immortals to accompany him down the labyrinthine hallways. Perhaps he was being overly cautious. The alert might be nothing. Intruders did not make it this far without Lord Trazyn’s approval—whether or not they knew they had it. Most likely it was a stasis field failure causing the planet to think there was an intruder where there was only a loose exhibit, which more likely than not was harmless. He thanked all the stars they were nowhere near the tyranid wing.
As he turned a corner he stopped short. Two figures stood before a door, arguing in hushed tones. The first was Sannet, nervously rubbing his fingers together. The other was the Huntmaster, who turned towards the warden and his retinue.
“Ah, warden. Perfect timing,” Huntmaster said. “We need a vote to break the tie.”
“Tie?” Ashkut looked between the two fellow members of Solmnace’s court, alarm glyph still flashing in the corner of his vision. “What is going on here?”
Sannet pointed a shaking hand at the door. “Lord Trazyn is inside.”
“Alright,” Ashkut replied slowly.
“He isn’t alone,” Sannet stammered.
That wasn’t exactly unusual. Lord Trazyn occasionally showed people his collection. How willing they were to view it varied, but it was hardly a danger.
Huntmaster jerked his thumb towards the room. “The Diviner’s in there with him.”
“WHAT?” Ashkut roared. “And you two are just standing there?”
He moved to shove past the two fools, but Huntmaster grabbed his shoulder. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. We heard clanging.”
“Clanging,” Ashkut repeated, trying to figure out how that could possibly be relevant when his lord was currently stuck alone in a room with his mortal enemy.
“Clanging,” Huntmaster confirmed, as if that explained anything.
“It could have been a fight,” Sannet said. “Or…”
“Or not a fight,” Huntmaster said.
“Or that.” Sannet shuddered. “But still, we should check!”
“There’s been no call for aid.”
“That could mean Lord Trazyn is in danger and unable to summon any!” Sannet cried.
“Good point. After you then.” Huntmaster extended his arm. Sannet did not move.
Ashkut snapped, “What are you two talking about?”
Huntmaster tilted his head. “Why warden, I did not think you were so naive. Has no one explained amorous affairs? They can get awfully noisy. I also feel obliged to tell you that typically those engaged prefer not to be disturbed.”
“Are you two trying to tell me that you know Lord Trazyn is inside that room, with a well established enemy, and you two are standing here doing nothing because you cannot decide if they are fighting or….” Ashkut stared at the cryptek and the deathmark in disbelief. “Have you not scried the room?”
“Disabled.” Huntmaster shrugged.
“We did hear something break,” Sannet offered.
“Well there you have it!” Ashkut said. “Lord Trazyn would never allow an artifact on Solemnace to be damaged.”
“That’s the storage room for spare Astartes helmets,” Huntmaster pointed out. “Even his lordship knows he could stand to lose a few of those.”
Ashkut shook his head. “Enough of this. You two may be content to stand out here bickering and neglecting your duties, but I am not.”
He grabbed each one by the shoulder and pulled them apart, clearing the way to the plain, sliding door. He supposed he should not be too harsh with Sannet. Orikan the Diviner’s last intrusion on Solemnace had nearly ended with Sannet torn apart by a hive tyrant. It was only natural the old curator would not want to run into him again. Ashkut had nearly been killed at the astromancer’s hands himself, but that was no excuse not to face him if he threatened Solemnace or its overlord.
Although on the off chance Huntmaster was right, Ashkut left the immortals behind as he commanded the door to open.
The storage room was dark, lined with shelf upon shelf of astartes helmets in every imaginable color. Ashkut could not see the end of them. He stepped forward and drew his warscythe from its dimensional sheath, letting its glow light his path.
His foot hit something solid. A helmet, knocked from its place. There were more littering the floor before him. Ashkut increased the energy flow to his perception suite. Then he heard it. A definite…clanging sound. Ashkut ran towards it, keeping his tread light. He wanted to keep the element of surprise should he need it.
When he rounded a corner he again saw two figures. Though it took him a moment to realize it was in fact two and not one mass of metal. Limbs tangled together, nodes flashed, and loose tiles torn from mantles fell to the floor.
“Bastard,” hissed an unmistakable voice. One of Orikan’s claws raked across his Trazyn’s back, rending his cloak and leaving a shallow gash in the necrodermis below. The warden gripped his weapon tighter.
“Now Orikan.” Trazyn hoisted the cryptek up and shoved him against the wall. “Is that any way to speak to your host?”
Ashkut prepared to charge.
“I want to hear you ask nicely.”
Ashkut paused.
Orikan’s legs wrapped around Trazyn’s waist. Trazyn pressed him harder against the wall, holding him in place as his tail curled around one of the overlord’s legs. Beyond that, Ashkut could not see, but he did hear a noise that he could only liken to a poor quality recording of an animal in heat.
“Please,” Orikan groaned.
“Better, love. Please what?”
“Touch me.”
“Of course.”
“Please, hold me.”
Ashkut suddenly felt the need to check if the ambient temperature in the room had risen.
An interstitial alert appeared in the corner of his vision. He would have ignored it, had it not been appended with Lord Trazyn’s personal seal.
“I am quite sure,” the overlord’s voice said in Ashkut’s head. “That I am currently alone with my guest. But if I turn around and find that we are not alone, whoever I see will be permanently reassigned to cleaning the slaugth exhibit. Do I make myself clear?”
The royal warden believed he managed to break some land speed record in his haste to vacate the room.
When the door slid shut behind him, he was met with two expectant monoculars.
“Lord Trazyn is entertaining a guest,” he said, refusing to meet either of their gazes. “He is not to be disturbed.”
The immortals thankfully continued to stare forward without any comprehension of what was going on. Ashkut envied them. As he marched away he heard Huntmaster nudging Sannet in the ribs.
“I told you so.”
In that moment, Ashkut was sure he became the first necron in history to develop a migraine.
#prompts#necrons#wh40k#trazyn the infinite#orikan the diviner#orizyn#ashkut#huntmaster#sannet#the solemnace crew#i've been wanting to write some silly stuff for the solemnace court for ages i couldn't help myself#these poor guys dealing with Trazyn's shit#is Orikan here to kill everyone or is it a bootycall?#Is it both?#we just don't know
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I got some peanut butter Captain Crunch for myself as a treat only to discover the hard way that at some point since I had it last, they have sneakily Done Something to the recipe and added some sort of higher fiber flour, which is making me shit my butthole backwards. Like, I don't have an old box to compare all the info to, but I don't think I am wrong about this, and I'm so sad right now.
INSOLUBLE FIBER IS NOT GOOD FOR PEOPLE WITH IBS, THE MOST COMMON BOWEL DISORDER IN THE WORLD.
IF WE COULD STOP MAKING EVERYTHING HIGHER FIBER THAT WOULD BE GREAT THANKS.
What's next? Putting steel wool into chicken eggs?
#i knew the texture was off#i knew it#but i wanted my disgusting brown circles because i was lonely and sad and i told myself i was probably wrong#i should know better#I've been dealing with this shit for 13 years I KNOW what fiber feels like when I chew#anyway psa if you have ibs insoluble fiber is not your friend so read up on that#medicine is JUST STARTING to admit this but the IBS-haver-community crowdsourced that info for ourselves a long time ago#anyway to whoever approved the change i hope you get category 5 diarrhea in a stuck elevator and your asshole inverts
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oh my god I finally got this card (The Hero's Journey and it's one (1) bullshit requirement)
#uh hi im alive again#for a limited time only#just came by to drop this achievement because holy shit I've been working on this on and off ever since i saw it#its probably not a big deal but it is to me ;-;#ah but anyways important news#i actually managed to cobble together my little spare time to write a fic#its not genshin sorry its hsr#super old fic that i was working on when i was really into hsr (still am but ik this is mostly a genshin blog)#but it was the one fic that was mostly finished so it didn't take a lot of time to edit and finish#will be uploading that tmr#sorry sunday i meant sunday
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hot take (? maybe? i don't fully know what the general stance is on this) but i don't think chuuya would've left the mafia with dazai
not because their bond is shallow (sike, fyodor) but because i think chuuya found his grip in the mafia by the time the dark era rolls around. he entered the mafia because of dazai yeah but they both have lives outside of each other still. after everything that happens in fifteen, koyou being in the mafia, and also just chuuya's unwavering loyalty - which he swore to mori, however unfortunately but it's still the truth - i think he would've let dazai go alone.
but there's that other thing though; his bond with dazai. his very significant bond with dazai. that's why i think he would've let dazai go; as long as dazai isn't leaving because of something he did, or plotting to like, burn the mafia down, i don't think he would've been particularly bothered beyond the 'dealing with traitors' business but honestly lets be real if you're important enough in the mafia, being a traitor or threat or enemy means jackshit (tachihara, verlaine, chuuya, even dazai is literally invited back by mori lmao).
i can see chuuya just tsk-ing and waving him off like "you probably have an escape route planned so i'm not even gonna bother pursuing you, won't give you the satisfaction of dying quickly either, you do you bastard, imma go celebrate with wine now, don't die i'm still gonna kill you someday, see ya." or like. you know. some rough approximation of that.
i think if dazai actually told him, considering what i know of his character thus far, chuuya would've helped him leave or, at least, rolled his eyes and looked the other way and do essentially a scripted song and dance of hunting him down with everyone, including mori, knowing full well that a) dazai won't be found unless he doesn't want to be, and b) the only person remotely capable of finding him would just punch him in the face then let him go again
skk would probably just keep up their usual bickering nonsense via randomly breaking into each others places (i.e. dazai because he's now broke and chuuya exclusively breathes designer air) and even if they don't interact for long periods, they would easily slide back into their dynamics whenever they do, as it is in canon except they'd likely manage to be even more in-tune and annoying with each other.
(also the ADA would know about the mysterious rich redhead whose number is listed as "dazai's dog" to call up when dazai is up to his shenanigans so he can come over and kick discipline into him. guessing who the hell he is another one of their mysteries and they know it ties in with dazai's old job, just not how. ranpo cackles everytime he shows up. he and kunikida meet up for lunch to bitch about dazai.)
tl;dr, imo skk could've been skk for the missing four years with chuuya still being an executive and dazai stiill being a detective if only mister cyclops there chose communication over blowing a car up, because i do believe chuuya would've let everything play out the same as in canon except he and dazai wouldn't be cut off the whole time
#first bsd post waw and it's absurdly long as usual#my post#the sigma show#soukoku#dazai osamu#nakahara chuuya#bungou stray dogs#i fully respect and love the “skk pack up their shit and fuck off to the agency together flipping mori off over their shoulders” but#from what i know about stormbringer as well (which i will read soom hopefully even though i've been spoiled to hell)#chuuya suffered so much and finally found a place for himself in the mafia#even when verlaine tried to take him away and all the friends he lost#feels sort of like a “what was it all for if he just leaves?” kinda deal#maybe my opinion will change if i read stormbringer myself idk maybe he fr doesn't want to be in the mafia#we shall see i suppose#i think he'd rather keep the respect he earned in the mafia and stay loyal to his boss#but also loyal to his partner; just not as obviously#they're double black they'd make it work#ANYWYAY i just love chuuya and want him to be happy#with his fancy wine and clothes and relationship with both koyou and his mackerel
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tagged by the gorgeous and fabulous @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for february's roundup:
tagging the usual music favs: @jiminsproof @thvinyl @jimin-gaon @visionsofgideontheninth @spicyclematis @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @monismochi plus @kimtaegis for the amy macdonald of it all 💜 and also you, dear reader. MWAH
#heads up! here comes the director's commentary:#16 Carriages - now listen. i love texas hold 'em as much as the next daddy lessons supremacist#but holy shit. it doesn't hold so much as a candle to this track.#just unbelievably stunning. i'm begging you to give it another chance if you skipped over it the first time#Don't Forget Me - me and kayla and apryl all having ms rogers in this month's list... i think we might be better than everyone else actuall#End Of Beginning - good GOD we couldn't gatekeep djo any longer but it's worth it if only for all the bear tiktok edits.#and thus i have fallen for this track all over again. yes CHEF#Showtime - now if you've known me long enough you'll know i'm an absolute sucker for british indie rock bands#especially if their frontman looks like they might not make it through another winter#so you can imagine catfish has had an inexplicable hold on me. anyway their comeback single is actually pretty good#This Is The Life - fantastic tune. 2007 if you can believe it?#what a time to be alive and at the school disco and you're singing the songs and thinking this is the life and so on and so forth#Loving You Will Be The Death Of Me - tom odell can do no wrong in my eyes (ears?) anyway. lovely lovely new album#Never Need Me - been loving rachel for a while now and this single is brilliant. highly recommended.#plus the video features florence pugh and if that doesn't sweeten the deal then christ i don't know what will#Baby Now That I've Found You - i didn't even realise this was a cover of the foundations until hearing it again recently#because alison krauss just has an incredible way of making them her own and thus it's been on repeat.#Deeper Well - okay so now i'm seeing the country thread through this month's picks.#this is another lovely new one. hearing it on the radio and the fact that they have to censor “i used to wake and bake” is hilarious to me#shoutout kayla again because great minds..#Stay For Something - CMAT is phenomenal and if you haven't listened to her yet i can't recommend her entire discography enough.#she had her arsecrack out at the brits last night and well. i would die for her#(speaking of the brits. raye... i literally cried for her. go find the recording of her live at the royal albert hall.#-watch it twice and then come back and thank me)#artists-wise - most of these guys are consistently up there.#katie melua is a new feature this time because all my amy macdonald-ing put me back onto nine million bicycles.#used to get that one mixed up with 99 luftballoons but they're really very different. i'm a fool#so tl;dr: fantastic tunes. do listen#tag#receiptify
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I think part of me expected this burnout would last a long time, but it’s drawing close to a year now. I have a strong reason to suspect medications are prolonging it. Granted: I have no intention of stopping medication, but I suspect I may need to make some changes. It’s been nice not to feel burning rage/crippling despair/panic most of the time, but I also miss being able to actually... act on things! Start things! Feel some semblance of motivation, as fleeting as it is. Mostly my reaction to prompts of any kind are “nah, don’t wanna” or “so what?” which isn’t terribly conducive to anything more than day to day life. (Y’all, I can’t even reliably plan my vacation and that’s pretty terrible.)
I’m saying this in part as a sort of explanation as to why I’ve been so slow to respond to anything, or post any art, or even re-open commissions this past year. I just... generally can’t make myself do anything that isn’t a part of my daily maintenance routine. Knowing that making art (even personal art) takes 3x times as long to complete is a standout reason I’ve been refusing to reopen commissions especially, since I’d be unwilling to make clients wait more than a few months for even something as simple as a sketch. People were patient enough with “Old Me,” I don’t think most would hold out for “New Me.”
Thankfully I’m speaking to my doctor tomorrow regarding my experiences on the current medication, and maybe I can find something that works a little better. I feel like I’ve been pretty fortunate so far, all things considered, and my side effects have been fairly mild. (Though I have suspicions it’s also thinning out my hair something fierce... probably time for supplements for that issue!)
Hopefully I’ll figure it out sooner rather than later? Either way, I’m learning to accept things as they are these days.
#April rambles#text post#mental health#medication#I know I'm one of the lucky ones but I'm still not discounting my aggravations#like yeah I'd like to think I should be capable of motivation#but at what cost?#and I never thought I'd care so much about hair loss but yikes I never had a lot of hair to begin with#wanting to cry anytime I see someone with a full head of thick hair#guess I'm kinda shallow after all lol#I have some beef regarding my other issues and suspicions but whatever#I can deal with them later#but I still find it hard to believe I've been assigned Just Anxiety instead of low grade well masked ADHD#Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh whatever#I'm a pleasant zombie for the most part are you happy?#I can't be arsed to do really anything are you sure that's just anxiety?#I'm literally masquerading as an apathetic potato most of the time now with meds so yeah ok sure?#we'll get there someday I hope#shit count my blessings it could be so much worse
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