#i'm guilty of always trying to Fix Things in my fics and make them Better
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JASICO WEEK DAY 3: Angst/Comfort
CW: major character death, grief
Nico runs his brush over the lettering on the face of the headstone, delicate despite the dirt worked into the cracks. He should be harder with it, he knows - it’s not like he’ll be able to break it. The headstone is too new for that, not worn down with age like the others in the cemetery. The dirt around the grave is so fresh, weeds haven’t even begun to grow over it, not that Nico would let them. He’s gotten good at weeding. Pruning flowers. Anything, to take care of this spot.
Jason Grace, the headstone reads. Beneath that, his rank, and years of service. The date he died.
Nico brushes his thumb over the curves which mark Jason as seventeen on his day of death. One of the eldest in the graveyard.
Back when he first heard, when Nico first felt the impact of Jason’s death like a saw blade through his gut, Nico couldn’t come visit the grave at all. Every reminder of Jason being gone was too much, the weight of loss sitting in him in a way Nico hadn’t felt since he was ten years old. He didn’t know what to do with himself, with his grief, except to cry, and cry, and cry.
He’s glad to be past that stage. His heart still aches, every day is still hard, but Nico can breathe through it, now. He can clean the gravestone, and talk to Jason even if Jason doesn’t talk back. He can make sure this site is as respected as the man it honors.
Nico adjusts the flowers Hazel brought last night, a bouquet of blue and purple and white. Jason would think they’re pretty. The smell would make him sneeze.
His favorite color was yellow, though. Nobody ever brings Jason yellow flowers. Always blue, like his eyes, like the sky, like his father.
Daffodils. Nico will have to bring him some daffodils tomorrow. And irises, and carnations. Maybe Persephone will help him put together a bouquet. She always had a soft spot for Jason, not that she’d ever admit to liking one of Nico’s friends. Whenever Nico would talk about Jason with her, she would listen with this look on her face, like Nico was saying the most interesting things. It felt good to know someone appreciated Jason in the same way Nico did.
Maybe not the same way. But as close as someone else could get.
“It’s been a good day today,” Nico says. He runs the brush over the crown of the stone again, gentle as before. “Things have been slow. Father hasn’t given me as many jobs this week, and there’s finally been a lull in attacks near the borders. Hazel and Frank are introducing a new bill to the senate tomorrow, which…well, I’ll tell you how it goes, then. I don’t want to jinx it for them.”
A breeze blows through the valley. Nico leans back, tilts his chin up into it.
He closes his eyes. He can almost imagine the wind in his hair is Jason’s hand, ruffling in a way nobody else has ever been brave enough. Easily affectionate, despite all the ways Nico threatened him, kept him at a distance. Jason was just like that, always eager to be there, to hold, to comfort.
Gods, Nico wishes he could’ve accepted one more hug. Had one more conversation.
It’s starting to rain. The temperature drops and the sky darkens and Nico can smell it, the dampness in the air. The first drops splatter across his cheeks and his nose, his lips. He doesn’t flinch. He’s used to sitting out in storms, now.
“I love you,” he tells the sky.
In return, the rain pelts harder, quickly turning from a drizzle to an outright downpour, soaking Nico’s hair to the root in seconds. His clothes stick to his skin.
He still doesn’t move.
“Don’t cry with me.” It’s silly, to act like the rain is Jason’s doing. Still. It helps Nico cope. Sometimes, if he imagines hard enough, he can still see memories of Jason’s grin, that scar on his lip, the tilt of his nose while the skies opened up around them, a display of power, a force of nature.
Nico never saw Jason cry. He supposes Jason never saw him cry, either. Just another thing they’ll never get to share. Another thing they missed. “You’re going to drown your flowers, at this rate.”
The deluge does not die down.
It’s enough to almost make him laugh, the sudden mental image of Jason scowling down at the flowers he doesn’t really like at all, the ones that make him sneeze and itch. Jason Grace, mighty son of Jupiter, champion of Hera, using all of his power to destroy a few flowers that have wronged him.
Nico didn’t get to know that side of Jason very long, the side of him that was a young boy, the side of him who was a person. But gods, of everything they did get together, that is what he’s happiest to have had. The truth. Not the son of Jupiter, not the champion, not the praetor. Just the boy.
Nico smiles, even as he cries, leaning back in a graveyard during a near-biblical rain storm. Nico smiles.
Every day, it gets a little easier to. Every day, he hopes Jason is smiling back, from wherever he is.
#jasicoweek2023#day3#tw major character death#tw grief#tw this shit sad#jason grace#nico di angelo#jasico#i'd say sorry for this but I'm not#It's supposed to be comforting but I don't know if that part comes across LMFAO#i was going to have this end with Nico going home and Jason is actually still alive and the grave is just there as a reminder#but then i decided that was cheap and a cop out and sometimes you just have to write something that's sad#i'm guilty of always trying to Fix Things in my fics and make them Better#instead of letting the characters learn to deal with their situation#so here is my first foray into 'this situation fucking sucks but i'm making the best of it because it's what he would have wanted'
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𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐘
╰ ft. kaeya alberich !
a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for MONTHS even before i took my break from writing. and i've proofread this fic damn near 100 times but wasn't sure about posting it. i'm so sorry lol. after this i swear i'll post fics for new characters!
warnings: fem!reader, oral (fem! receiving), angsty sex, kaeya struggling to use his big boy words and tell reader how he feels (bc canon kaeya is >>> fanon kaeya, like bffr)...
word count: 1.2k
☆ PLEASE READ MY RULES/BYF BEFORE INTERACTING ! MINORS DNI ! ☆
Your thumb glides along his lip, studying the fine lines and savoring the warmth that radiates through your fingertip. Your gaze remained fixed on his lips longer than it should have, fearing that once you kissed him — once your lips met and sealed off the world around you — that he too would vanish and become nothing more than a figment of your imagination. And when you finally kissed, it was slow, every movement exaggerated to make this moment last a tad bit longer.
That’s how things usually go whenever you dared to let love trespass the cracked and ragged walls surrounding your heart. The forbidden feeling crept in, and he crept out, going off on his own and leaving you behind with no one to share the extra space.
So you hold on, fisting the hair above the nape of his neck and the white fabric of his shirt as you deepened the kiss, all while eliciting a deep, guttural moan from him. It was your favorite sound. The vocalization of his unspoken desire laced with something more… a bit of feral nature. His fingers dig into your hips as he pulls you closer on his lap, letting you feel what you do to him through the many layers of clothing between the two of you.
He never said those three measly words that you desperately wanted to hear, but it wasn’t like he dangled them over your head and strung you along either… they just lingered at the back of this throat where they taunted his tongue, wanting to be muttered into the crook of your neck as he held you.
Like a fool, you gave in to him completely as you’ve done countless times before, letting him fill the space between your legs the same way he occupied every inch of your mind. You didn’t stop him. You wanted him to invade your thoughts, your thighs, and every other part of you. You wanted to feel everything he couldn’t say.
“Kaeya…” Your voice trails off, as you get lost in the blue of his eyes. But you didn’t need to finish, not when you gave that lovesick look that you always did before you professed your love. And although he would never admit it, guilt welled up within him every single time. He was guilty about the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to reciprocate such a simple statement. Or maybe he was guilty about the fact that you loved him instead of someone better, someone that didn’t hide their emotions and ration out their love.
Tonight was different. Something urged him deep inside.
“It’s my turn to say it,” he says, cutting you off. Kaeya leads your hand to his mouth so that he can press a kiss into your palm before continuing. “I love you. I am so deeply in love with you Y/N that I don’t know what to do with myself. And I need you to know. ”
He loves you.
Kaeya loves you.
Maybe you heard that wrong, so you just stare at him with uncertainty.
Silence.
Both of you freeze in place and the air stifles with a bit of awkward tension. You fix your mouth to say something but this time, you’re the one who is struggling to force words to come out, to provide a response. As much as he wanted you to give one, he doesn’t wait any longer. Instead, he starts littering your body with kisses like he was trying to prove his confession.
The lower he crept down your body, the more your back arched off of the satin sheet, offering more of yourself to him as he worked his way to your hot core. Only when his mouth met your aching bud did you melt and mesh with the sheets, drowning in the smooth ocean of grey as you struggled to stay afloat in the sea of arousal.
You could’ve sworn he was mouthing the words into your cunt over and over as he devoured you, and they traveled up from your quivering lips straight to your heart where they were etched permanently — words you would never forget. They were all you focused on as he continued to make love to you. Even when he slowly sank into your heat, rocking his hips and whispering more words into your ear to accompany each thrust, but they were irrelevant words that paled in comparison to “I love you”.
The night ended too soon as your bodies continued to tangle. And some time during your coition, the sheets were ripped from the bed so you resorted to cuddling into this toned body as a heat source. He didn’t mind, his finger idly drawing shapes into your bare back as you counted his heartbeats that thundered in his chest.
It didn’t matter how much you flushed your body against him though. There was still a small possibility that he would be gone by dawn’s first light, leaving as swiftly and quietly as the night had set…and maybe you were okay with that. You didn’t expect for him to stick around, to see that coy smile when you woke in the morning, especially not after what he said tonight. The calvary captain would probably drown himself in work and pretend you didn’t exist for a few days so he could mull over his feelings with a bottle of liquor and get his head straight. But you were okay with that — it was normal.
The cold, empty space next to you in the morning was enough to convince you. Your heart cracking a little more, letting the love start to leak without anyone to catch it. Part of you did expect him to stay, just for once.
At least he had the decency to drape his fur-lined cape over your naked form, the white fur tickled your nose and caused you to wake from your slumber. You slowly climb off the bed, wrapping the cape around yourself as you take in the mess on the floor: your clothes scattered around, pillows thrown about, and the sheets lay jumbled at the foot of the bed. A sigh escapes your lips and then your eyes look to the billowing curtains, realizing that the balcony doors were open to the morning breeze.
What you found behind the curtains was shocking, bringing goosebumps to your skin along with the crisp Mondstat air. There was Kaeya, standing at the rail glowing in the golden hue of the morning sun as it peaked out from behind the horizon. He was ethereal.
If Khaenri’ah did have a god, you imagined it would be fashioned after him.
It didn’t take long for him to notice your presence, and while he did hesitate at first — gauging your feelings about last night — he eventually slinked over to you. He let his arms fall in place around you, second nature it seemed, before locking lips.
It was a goodbye kiss since he had to report to headquarters soon, but it was also a promise to return later. You could tell from the way he extended the deep kiss, usually it was a quick peck and he was gone. This time he pulled you in and french kissed you until his lungs burned for air.
With a stroke of his thumb across your lip while admiring your eyes, mimicking you from last night, he departed silently out the door. You stood there with a stupid grin plastered on your face as you held the cape tight and ran your fingers over the exact spot his thumb grazed moments prior.
TAGLIST FORM
tags: @hungrynessforfics @rinhoes @indiecursor @protectpancakes @fight-me-bitch @nneedynymph @po3ticb3auty @haitani-plague @festive @apollostears @thenerdyrebel @4ngrysgf @daichisbunnybaby @urwifey2 @picayunne @kookieflvr @woahhajime @syomi @chrolloderulo @kutosznn @takemichiluvr @sweeneyblue1 @tyga-lily @jeanslove @getoswhore @thicksimpx @sakurashell @38riku @hyeque @wiserebelpartypie @sleepy3 @yuujilove @imperatorkhaleesi @sukunas-left-nut-sack @lawscorazon @sailewhoremoon @chaoticevilbakugo @xxrwzy @wh0reforlevi @nekoriots @yeagerfushiguro @chaotic-fangirl-blog @sftbunny-blog @dukina @momoewn @thithesandofferings @justdevine @hyeque @chittakii @breyspage
#kaeya x reader#kaeya x y/n#kaeya genshin x reader#kaeya alberich#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact smut
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on inspiration, creativity, and expectations
I don't usually make posts like this. I don't know why exactly, whether it's just me being too lazy to take the time to write down my thoughts, or just because part of me thinks no one's interested in reading my ramblings. But I've been questioning myself so much lately, and it seemed like a good idea today to try and make sense of what I've been going through. And I think maybe some of you reading this could possibly feel the same way. And if that's the case, maybe me sharing my own experience might help you, or maybe you might have good advice for me going forward.
It's been a really tough year (and longer) for me, creatively. I don't know if I've lost something of myself along the way, or if it's just a weight I've put on myself subconsciously at some point. Either way, something is definitely stopping me from finding joy in writing, something is weighing me down. I see all my friends being so productive and so creative and writing genuinely amazing stories to their hearts' desires, sometimes only in a few days. And I'd love to do the same, but somehow, I can't. And I've always had this deep need to create, to lose myself in the process; it's an escape for me, has always been. Writing is what makes me happy. But I haven't been able to write, and as a result, I've been miserable.
I know part of the problem is that I've always wanted to connect with people. I want my stories to reach my readers, to make them feel something. Writing is good, but it's so much better with an audience that shares your love of the story and is willing to discuss it with you, to dive into it with you. As a writer, I don't seek praise or validation, I seek connection and discussion. I want to know that my writing did something right. And when I've poured my heart out into something, and after it's done there's so little reaction to it, yes it feels like a failure. I can't help it.
I know that it's on me. It's a me problem, and I've been struggling a lot lately to try and fix it.
And another part of that problem is that I have this very successful story that readers flock to, subscribe to in mass, comment in mass to every update, will wait around for months for a new chapter. And when that chapter comes, they will shower me with love and discussion and share their happiness and their joy for my work. And as much as I love this particular story, it has completely messed up my brain, twisted my sense of what's "normal" reception or feedback for a fic.
The resulting effect is that when I post something that is not a part of that story, the difference in the sense of connection to my readers, and in reception and feedback is so drastic that it takes all the joy out of having written it and shared it. I feel like I have no audience, like I can't reach people anymore, like I'm screaming into the void. I feel like I've completely failed as a writer. And I've stopped myself from posting things that are not that story because of that, because I know I'll feel worse afterwards, that I'll feel like no one cares about anything I do if it's not THAT story. And because I feel guilty for not working on that one story that everyone is waiting for, I've stomped on inspiration when it came to me and tried to drag me into other stories. I've had brilliant ideas that I've pushed away, thinking, "I can't right now, because they're waiting for this one story and they won't care if I post something else, and I'll feel horrible about it."
And because of all those feelings, I can't write. And when I can't write, I'm sad.
And I've heard it all before. You have to write for YOU, first of all. I know that. I've even said it myself numerous times. But isn't it just SO hard to make your brain understand it?
I think I've been going at it all wrong for a long time now, and I need to try a new strategy. I'd fashioned an unofficial set of rules for myself. I'd tell myself, "Don't post more than one WIP at a time, or it'll make you look like an unreliable writer and that puts people off." And that's the stupidest thing because there are many writers with many WIPS that I absolutely adore and would never think "unreliable" in any way. Isn't it crazy the standards and expectations we set for ourselves?
A good friend and very wise person told me recently about a talk she attended by this very prolific writer who went on at length about creativity. The essence of it was that to avoid writer's block, you need to let inspiration flow wherever it wants, and that no specific work is more important than keeping the creative spirit going. Basically, you need to go wherever the fun is, always. You need to start anything and everything and see where it leads.
So I'm trying a new strategy now. I'll be going where inspiration takes me, wherever the hell that is. Because I need to create, otherwise I don't know what'll happen. I'm NOT abandoning Brighter Than Bright, and I'm grateful for all the love and support I've gotten for it, but I need to explore other things for a time, and I'll come back to it when I come back to it. Whenever that is. I've tried forcing myself to work on it for months now, and it's brought me so little joy. I need to do something differently.
If this new strategy works, you'll notice me posting more WIPs, finally giving all my other ideas some love, emptying my draft drawers and pouring them out in the world because I just need to write SOMETHING.
For my own mental health. I need to try to be happy again.
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Some Blog Updates, My Apologies, and Words of Explanation of What Has Been Going On Around Here Lately...
I really am sorry for the sporadic way that things are having to be run around here. For everyone who has pending asks and requests from months ago, I am so sorry I can't fulfill them for you right now. I have not forgotten about you and still plan to respond to all the asks as soon as I am feeling better. In an ideal world, I would respond to all asks in the order they were received and wouldn't have so many promises still pending out there, but unfortunately, that isn't something I can do right now due to serious chronic health issues.
I have still been writing a few self-indulgent pieces as a form of escapism & coping when I can, if only to try to keep my spirits up during what has been an extremely difficult time for my health, and I hope you all understand that this isn't me ignoring you in favor of working on personal projects rather than on fulfilling my obligations. I do genuinely feel very guilty for leaving you & your asks/requests hanging, but honestly writing "self-indulgence" is generally all I even barely have the energy for at the moment when it comes to fic writing since it takes the pressure off of making something "perfect" for the one who requested it and I find a little extra energy in my own passion and self-indulgence for the topic.
That said, I started that new ask game with the song + heacanon because it was easy for me (and didn't require a lot of effort or writing on my part) so I thought it was something I could actually fulfill for you as a thank you for being patient while you all wait for the bigger, more time-consuming asks.
I really am sorry for not explaining this better before, and if anyone has been confused or hurt by this, I am very, very sorry. That was never my intention. I have included more details below the cut in case anyone wants a more detailed explanation. These are not excuses, just my attempts to explain where things are and what's going on since I understand how it may look out of context and I didn't want there to be confusion or hurt feelings.
Thank you all for being so kind and so patient and for sticking around through all of this chaos! Cheers & much love to you all, friends! Please take care of yourselves. 🥰
As I'm sure some of you know from previous posts, I have been on and off hiatus due to severe chronic health issues for the past several months. The flare of my illness plus accompanying debilitating fatigue has unfortunately forced me to give up most things in my life (both online & in the real world) while I go for treatment & try to recover. Please know that it has never been by choice that I haven’t been around.
All of that said, writing fanfiction has always been a sort of an escape for me and a way for me to cope when I’m dealing with these kinds of serious health problems, so I have still been writing a little bit whenever I am able as a sort of outlet & escapism, but it’s mostly only the most self-indulgent pieces--trying to keep up spirits during what has been a very difficult time. To be perfectly honest with you, I feel the writing I have been doing recently has not been my best work, and I know there have been lots of problems with it (i.e. continuity errors with the canon, dumb spelling mistakes, and grammatical errors ect.) which have been kindly and constructively pointed out by others or mortifyingly noticed by me then fixed--and I do feel a little insecure about the roughness of my recent work to tell you the absolutely truth. 😅 That said, since it is mostly all self-indulgent, I tell myself that it's okay that it’s not perfect because it’s just for me.
Which leads me to the matter of my inbox and all the pending asks. I am so sincerely sorry for all the delays, and I have felt so guilty for having to leave everyone hanging. However, as you have probably guessed from my bleeding heart for fictional overachieving perfectionists, I myself am an overachieving perfectionist, and I know I would feel much guiltier trying to fulfill my requests knowing that whatever I could come up wouldn’t be my best work (since I am unfortunately lacking the health and energy to do that at the moment). I always want to give my best work to everyone who writes into this blog, but this is especially true when you have already had to wait such a very long time for something I have promised. I spend a lot of time on all of my headcanon and fic requests and answers to asks because I really just want it to be perfect and good enough for the person who asked for it. Since I feel like I can’t do that right now, I have decided to put the majority of my asks on hold rather than trying to fulfill asks with what I know will be my roughest work. I promise if you do have an ask in my inbox right now, I see you and I love you. I have not been ignoring you or forgotten you. I just want to give you my best work, and I can't do that right now so I've been holding on to your ask until I feel that I can.
All of that said, I have felt so bad and so guilty for leaving you all hanging (especially while I've been working on personal projects) so I thought of that new game I made because it was something I felt I could actually fulfill and complete, since it didn't require as much effort or writing on my part. It mostly consisted of songs that I pulled from fandom, character, and ship playlists I had already made, and the headcanon tends to go with the song in such basic terms it almost writes itself: i.e. the song mentions going to the beach, so the headcanon is this character’s favorite beach activity is building sandcastles (or something like that). It’s honestly just kind of silly but I felt I owed everyone something I thought I could do (if that makes sense?). The writers ask game I reblogged is just personal questions about my writing process—easy, short answers and low pressure, so that’s kind of in the same “I can do this category.” I plan to wrap up the asks for both of these games, and I don't know what will happen after that. Maybe we'll have to keep playing easier games like that for a little while or (hopefully) I'll be feeling well enough to circle back to more serious, time-consuming asks. I honestly can't say.
In the meantime, I wanted to reiterate how sorry I am for all the delays and also if there has been any distress, disappointment, miscommunication, or hurt feelings for how things have been having to be run around here. I'm sorry this blog has not been run in the way I had hoped or planned, but please know I am still trying my best to make wholesome content for you all to enjoy.
Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck around during this chaotic and difficult time and for your continued support! Cheers & Much Love!! 💕
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20 fanfic questions
Tagged by @swaps55 (thank yooooou)
Tagging: do you wanna do it? man just do it. have fun. go ham.
How many works do you have on AO3?
26
2. What's your total AO3 words count?
216,983
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Currently? It's mostly Dragon Age and Mass Effect, but I've also written hockey rpf, popslash (which is not included in the works count or the word count), Supernatural, SPN RPF, LotR, the Hunger Games, and Julie and the Phantoms.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
What Remains - SPN, Dean goes missing, Sam tries to find him
Shape I'm In - hockey RPF, Tyler takes a hard hit during a game, Jamie gets in a fight, this is the aftermath
Never Lived a Time Better Spent in Love - hockey RPF, Sid/Geno many years down the line, adopt a baby together
Actually, Plenty - SPN, a coda to What Remains set 15 years after that story
Everything Changes, Everything Stays the Same - SPN, Sam rescues Dean from hell, things change for them after that
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Always, I've had people comment about the fact that I'm still responding to comments on fifteen year old fic. If you're going to read and take the time to comment, I'm gonna say thank you. Plus, community is the best part of fandom, how can you have community if you're not talking?
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Oh it's for sure lathbora viran which is the only story I've written that I had to tag "no happy ending." Although honestly swaps would probably say that For a Single Yesterday was also pretty fuckin' angsty. But Kaidan finds peace, my poor inquisitor absolutely did not.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Probably my Julie and the Phantoms fic, gravity, though I did absolutely take people through the ringer first.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
When I first got into hockey I ended up on the anon hate list for a hot minute because it was obvious from the first fic I posted that I didn't know anything about hockey because, well, I didn't. I'd never watched it before I got involved in the fandom. So it was valid criticism even if it was mean spirited.
9. Do you write smut. If so what kind?
The smuttiest thing I've ever written is a PWP threesome for the Oilers boys called Hold You Down. I enjoy reading smut but as a noted ace I feel awkward as fuck about writing it.
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
Yes. Crazy is such a subjective word, but I've written the hockey dudes into the Pacific Rim world and I fixed the shit about the Pac Rim world that never really made sense. I had a much more in depth story plotted out but I lost steam on writing RPF.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I've ever been told?
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes, but that fic is no longer online.
13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?
Twice. I had fun both times but prefer to set my own pace through a fic.
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
I don't really have an all time to write, they're all my favorites.
15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
I still feel very guilty about a popslash WIP that I know will never be finished.
16. What are your writing strengths?
Pretty prose.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
I try to avoid writing action sequences because I have no idea how to make them sound cool.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
If I can have a native speaker assist, yes. If I have to run it through google translate, absolutely not.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
I was writing extra scenes into the Princess Bride when I was 12 years old.
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
Idk, they're all my children. I love them all equally. I think in general I'm most proud of the Julie and the Phantoms fic, because I just really feel like I nailed the thesis of it, because I had a thesis, and it wasn't just "a meets b and they fall in love." (Which isn't a diss, this is what I usually write, that fic was just different.) But yeah, they're all my favorite. YOU tell ME which your favorite is.
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BFOB Ramblings (spoilers)
Backyard full of bones is full of my little guys I love thinking about them.
I'm gonna put a break under this but in general its just me rambling about how it links back with the DSMP plot we know and it just kinda gives context to some stuff that'll happen later on!
Its very long and full of deranged ramblings.
Currently toying with the idea that Techno used to smoke around their teen years, something that drove Phil crazy, and after the events of cigarette box (ILYLTAIMCB) Wil just takes one of his coats (the trenchcoat) and runs away.
I brush on that more in the Fundy visit fic I'm working on dw but in general I think thats around the time that Wil starts smoking. He misses his brother and after his scent fades from the coat he starts smoking to try and fill that space.
Wil somehow evades SBI's capture and raises Fundy, eventually moving to the DSMP where Tommy finds him and does what little he can to mend the familys relationship.
Wil convinced himself that they wouldnt forgive him for having Fundy and just believes that constantly running is better than coming to them and being rejected. After a few weeks Tommy convinces him to send off a letter to Phil to show he's wrong and to Wilburs surprise his dad actually responds.
This is ofc all an elaborate plot to yoink him back and Phil (and Techno) are both incredibly furious about Wil running and Fundy's existance but they can forgive him once they have him back. Tommy is probably messaging Phil to keep mellow so that Wil doesnt get spooked and it actually works for a while before Wil goes into his ravine arc.
That was enough for Techno to finally have an excuse to join the server and thus the ravine. Him and Wil do repair their relationship a little but Techno is distant as a punishment and it only damaged Wils mental state even more (Tech is unaware of how bad it is) and things start spiralling.
The ravine is more full of family than Wils had in years but he's never felt lonelier and Technos distance only makes him feel even worse since despite everything he still relies on his brothers approval. Theyre so codependent its insane.
Techno does finally start spotting the signs but only when its far too late, sending off a letter to their dad to have him come and take care of Wil. Obviously at that point Wil is already laying the dynamite and everything is just building up.
Then theres the button room and Wil dies (I have a fic on that in th works too dw bbgs) and goes to limbo. I very much like to think that one of the main (secret) reasons that Techno destroyed L'manburg is because it was the only thing that remained of his brother.
If he cant have Wil then no one can. Phil shares the sentiment and so they both help blow everything up. This is where I get blurry with the DSMP so now we start to go a bit off the rails.
Stuff happens like normal after that, exile and then Tommy's recovery arc happen in the same spots and he gets yoinked up and fixed. I think Techno would just never leave him alone during this time, seeing the signs he missed in Wilbur and vowing to not let them slip past again.
Tommy cant do anything if Technos always watching him, after all.
Ghostbur is mulling around but I'm not sure how the others in this universe would feel about that. Tommy finds comfort in him and I think in a way Techno does too.
Phil feels incredibly guilty about the whole 'killing his son' thing so bedrock bros generally try and keep Ghostbur away from their dad by keeping the ghost in the cabin.
Honestly I think Techno would just feel very bittersweet about Ghostbur. Thats his brother who he loves but its a shell that barely even acts like him anymore. He's probably pretty indulgent of the ghosts whims based purely on the fact that he could never say no to Wil.
Then theres the butcher army and the execution. That stuff I think only drives Phil to get even darker and more possessive of the sons that he still has with him. It was probably during this that he was working out how to revive Wil.
Techno ofc doesnt die in the execution because of both the totem and the fact that he's practically a demigod due to Kristin. I like to think that Revivebur in limbo would get flashes of what Ghostbur sees and he ended up watching the execution. Just for extra angst and trauma.
Usual stuff after that, Phil gets yoinked home and Techno takes Quakitys eye. Fucked up dude probably keeps it in a jar. Anyway though they go back to destroy L'manburg again and Tommy tries to betray them and fuck off but he literally just gets dragged back by them.
It takes ages for them to have him settle but during that theyre working on revival so neither of them mind babysitting him. Tommy eventually falls into their way of thinking and half agrees with their view on things.
Wil is then revived and ILYLTS happens, draggng him back to his family in the Tundra where they all finally begin to heal (i.e make each other worse) and its dark fluff for ages.
Some time after that when Wils allowed out the house (has to bring one of his brothers with him) the Fundy visit happens and its basically just him trying to find closure and Phil responding 'kys' at every turn.
He's very meanza towards him but who wouldnt be tbh, hes practically a stranger and he tried to kill Techno so obviously he's not gonna be happy with him. Its also so he can try and isolate Wil away from other people in the SMP but thats just usual dark Phil shenanigans.
Dream ofc stays in prison in all this, if Techno were to go in there then Wil would probably beat the shit out of Quakity for 'tricking' his brother and Techno would most likely maul the dude that abused his baby brother.
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Sorry if this is really angsty, just been in that mood recently lol. But how do you think each member would react if their partner was seriously injured or even... died on a mission? No pressure to respond if this is too much or you're not in a good head space!
First, thank you for being considerate of me! I appreciated it because years before I would not have been able to touch a question like this and might have felt guilty about it. Thankfully I am in a much better place now where I can ponder it without getting emotionally drawn into it, so I'll try! I'm working with the assumption that the partner in question is a fellow teammate i.e. partner in crime - hope this is what you meant! At any rate I will always go for most emotional weight.
Risotto: I feel like his first reaction would be to yell to his partner to hold on and then to clear away the danger or eradicate the attacker first, in the conviction that with Metallica's abilities he has a chance of saving his partner. If they held on long enough, he would staple them up and carry them away, and if they died before he got to them, a quick burial and a long and lonely mourning period would follow.
Formaggio: I could see him get frantic because he has no healing ability, and all he would be able to do is shrink his partner and haul ass to escape, sweating and cursing the entire way. If the partner lived, he would chatter in relief the entire way to safety and treatment; if the partner died, he would have a meltdown and then take their shrunken body back to the hideout for farewells.
(I've been wanting to write a fic in ages where he is actually put in this situation. Still haven't done it, it's all fragments.)
Prosciutto: Another person who would want to eliminate the attackers or danger first (and since the partner would always be carrying ice by default, this could be done quickly with his Stand). If his partner lived, he would support them to safety with a firm, calm voice; if they died, he would still find a way to bring them home, and use his Stand to cremate them and bury them in a place of honor.
(Pained a little at this point because he is one of four people who actually are put in this situation in canon, and fuck I have said so much on the subject so I'm holding back now.)
Pesci: It is so tragic that I don't even have to imagine it because canon has shown exactly how he would react and what he would become. Poor Pesci...
Ghiaccio: He's one of the few who might be able to immediately shield and assist his partner by freezing the wound or providing a White Album cast or cover. Here the odds of survival are higher than most, but if the partner didn't make it... well, he is one of the canon four and we saw what we did to the car. He might also dispose of the body on the spot in a fit of rage like "How could you die on me, asshole?! Fuck!"
Melone: Like Formaggio, he would get frantic, especially if we assume that only the Juniors have the cubing ability. My headcanon is that Baby Face Laptop also has that ability, and if it does, Melone would order it to cube his partner to fix them in that state until help could be got. In that case, he has the highest survival rate. If he was too late to do this, he would thank his partner for everything and carry on alone...
Illuso: His first instinct would be to immediately hide himself and his partner in the mirror world; from there it would depend on the partner's condition whether they would be able to wait things out, but Illuso would be anxious and rattled the entire way. If the partner died, he would have his breakdown in the mirror world and just stay there until he could no longer bear it.
Sorbet: He would fire one more shot and then do his best to retreat with his partner, dragging them if need be, while putting a brave face on it. I headcanon him as having no Stand, so his priority would be to power through until help could be got. If his partner lived, he would maintain his dignity but secretly be glad, and if they died, he would be bitterly angry and torn, and think of little else than revenge.
Gelato: Another tragic case of we have pretty much seen it, and boy do we wish we hadn't. In a "better" situation, he would probably assist the partner with everything he's got from tearing his own clothes to make a tourniquet to using his knife to dig out bullets, and be so boisterously happy if they pulled through. If his partner ended up dying though, he would be inconsolable.
#jjba#la squadra#risotto nero#formaggio#prosciutto#pesci#ghiaccio#melone#illuso#sorbet#gelato#squadrah headcanons#squadrah original#CW death#hopefully that tag is still helpful to those who need it!
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red; tom's version|one.
chapter one: sad, beautiful tragic.
“Long handwritten note deep in your pocket”
pairing: Tom Holland x Reader (tom's not famous here)
story summary: you’re reminiscing through your relationship months after the heartbreak and breakup. Wondering if it went wrong from the very start when Tom arrived at New York, and him being a cautionary tale or if the problems came along the way. Perhaps the key to find back your way to him is going back through the nice things before the heartbreak came. Or is it too painful to go all over again?
chapter summary: you haven't seen him since he ditched you, after months of wearing plaid you go out and realize he's back in new york
warnings: angsty, I mean it's a breakup, swearing.
word count: 7.3k
playlist (updated after each chapter, including Red songs+ other for the chapter): Spotify | Apple Music
fic masterlist
next chapter
a/n: Hi, I couldn't wait to share it so I said, screw it, I'm posting this. You don't know how excited I am to write this and share it with you. As you know, this is inspired by Red by Taylor Swift and will hurt. So I expect us all to be crumpled up pieces of paper wearing scarves by the end of this. (perennial is still coming, I'm just waiting on a few people who're reading it). SPECIAL THANKS TO @erodasghosts for reading it and hyping me up and helping me figure this all out. I hope you guys all like it as much as I did. The story is set in New York. Please give feedback!
One month after the breakup.
Strong whiskey, on the rocks. That was his drink of choice that night. The night before had been a beer. You knew you could imagine the taste of his lips by only looking at him. You wondered if he’d gone there for a second night for the same reason you had.
When you had seen him across the place the night before, you had tried to decide how to feel. We always think we will react one way or another when we see our official heartbreak walking through. Victorious as he is perfectly dressed, with his hair flowing.
He hadn’t brought her. Which you didn’t know how to feel about.
The day before you had not been alone, Jules, Matty, and Lula were there.
“Shit, the axolotl at 10 o'clock, you’ve got to be shitting me,” Lourdes, Lula, had whispered before sipping her drink, a Long Island Tea. “We are celebrating she’s doing better, can’t fucking believe this,” she hissed at Jules who only lifted her chin slightly to see who she was referring to. “What the fuck is he doing here? Ay, es que, con qué huevos se atreve a venir aquí? Que no mame.” [with what balls did he dare to come here? He shouldn’t fuck with us. ]
You loved hanging out with Lula and listening to her very refined Spanish cursing.
“It’s not him,” Julia said.
You tried looking back to see who they were referring to. “Who is—?”
“Y/N, wait I just noticed the haircut!” Matt pointed out, reaching over, getting your attention back to them and not at whatever they were referring to. “It looks great. It’s like a new you!”
This new you. The one that had been screwed over twice. Men really have the nerve when it comes to breaking hearts. They recklessly go in and let you believe love comes in all shades of colors, passionate red like the roses they send, and tender pinks like your sweet innocence that they end up stealing. But they never tell you it’ll be you all alone in a dark room with shades of grey under a flickering light that barely warms you.
The new you, which was still a bit lost. Your old self was a stranger to you now. You had no idea who this new you was, she was quiet now. Didn’t have a heart because someone had stolen it and broken it and left it behind a dumpster. Still trying to find it. The new you wasn't.. you.
Your friends were glad, however, they finally got you to go out again. After weeks of wearing plaid and watching Fleabag, and even considering watching Greys Anatomy, a low point, you had finally decided to come back to see if there was any sunshine left for you.
It’s important to point out that you had been broken-hearted and almost crazy when the breakup had happened. Very… delusional. You were not proud of the way you’d reacted. Although you wouldn’t have reacted any other way.
The city had been quiet, the red lights seemed to last longer, and the crowds would often swallow you. The city you once loved was now an open book of a relationship that seemed real, should’ve known it was all fiction.
In your dreams they’d be bright, colorful. The village is aglow. Cold days with warm hearts. Like his.
You’d been cold ever since.
“Ah, yeah, the haircut. Got it today. Lula’s idea” The haircut had come as the solution to a problem that would never be solved. As if cutting your hair meant there was something you had the power on. You didn’t.
How stupid was it? You couldn’t control your life.
“It suits her well, doesn’t it?” Lula admitted proudly.
You still had his picture engraved in your heart. You still dreamed he would come back and say it was all a nightmare.
“It’s nice, I’m glad to have you back,” Jules commented. Julia had probably been the most surprised with the news of the breakup, she had almost gone and killed Tom when he had….unimportant. She hadn’t, though, and she had yet to tell you the reason why. Julia had been mysterious since.
“I’m glad to be back,” you confirmed. You’d ordered a beer, and maybe you shouldn’t have. Stella Artois, his one favorite. You pocketed the beer cap. “Though I was not gone.”
Matt watched you, him and Julia had recently started dating. Best friends since kids who just recently confessed their feelings for each other, took them long enough. “How back are you, though?”
“Meaning?” You asked, taking a sip.
Matt shrugged, “I could introduce you to some friends from work, there’s this hot guy—“
“No,” you interrupted him, leaving the bottle down as you had almost choked. “No, no. Not in the dating area yet. Won’t be in a long time. Still healing.”
Lula still had her eyes glued elsewhere. “Healing from a bullet hole, y/n, whatever you’re doing isn’t working, and band aids won’t fix it—Jules it is, I swear to god it’s him.”
“It’s not him,” Julia rolled her eyes.
“Ay, que sí!” [he is]
“Who?” You asked.
Julia took your hands, “you know Lula,” she rolled her eyes. “I love that you ordered a beer.”
“Yeah,” you gulped. “Beer is universal language for men as in: ‘don’t get close to me.’” A lesson someone dear had taught you once.
Matt tilted his head in agreement, “Yeah.”
“Really?” Lula frowned, “should’ve ordered one. Next time I’ll ask for my drink but instead of a glass I’ll ask them to put it in a beer bottle.”
“Wouldn't it be easier to order a beer?” Matt suggested.
“But then I’d break our tradition.”
Matt watched her, “you really are something.”
You chuckled.
“Why is beer seen as not—feminine?” Matt questioned.
Julia shrugged. “It’s beyond me, really. It’s a drink.”
“Like does my drink make me less of a man?” Matt watched his glass, another Long Island Tea. A stupid inside joke you all had.
“No,” you admitted. “But you know how society is. Since it’s sweet, it’s got to be—“
“Oh, no, no, I love you, y/n, but tonight I don’t want you lecturing us on it, no, tonight we are having fun, ok?” Lula reminded you. “We will not talk about femininity or lack of a beer—or whatever your agenda is up to these days, which, hey! Why does y/n get to break the rule?” Lula questioned. “No Long Island Tea?
Julia glared at her, “Because she can do whatever she wants tonight,” she hissed and then turned to you. “But how are you feeling? It’s your first time going out in months, is it as fun?” Julia was the one to try to cheer you up the most.
No, it wasn’t fun.
“I—feel good!” You lied. Although you were not. But you guessed that’s the response they wanted after seeing you laying down on the ground and crying yourself to sleep. Staring at windows and walking down in the rain. They wanted you to feel better.
Your body was covered in scars.Though, they were from adventures.
“Bullshit,” Lula intruded. “You seem sad. Maybe I’ll get some shots,” she announced before going to get some.
“Well,” you chuckled. “My first time going out and you bring me back to the place where it all started?” You answered cynically but then shrugged. “I’m—I…no. I just—It’s weird. I still see him everywhere, and as I’m here it’s like watching a movie of our greatest moments,” you admitted. “Like hey, look over there, it’s Tom and Y/N’s greatest moments,” you stated, Lula got back. “Let’s start memory lane…”and you sighed and continued with the best presenter voice you had. “Here you’ll wonder how the hell did it go so wrong since they were so perfect, what the hell went wrong, when did it turn into some sad stupid love affair. You’ll be asking yourself hey, they seemed in love, over there, they danced! Over there… they sang a song together! See over there? There was a fucking jukebox in which they have memories! Oh they have memories there too! And you’ll ask yourself, he made it seem real, what the hell happened?” You sighed exhaustedly. “What happened? What the fuck happened? How was I so stupid?” You ran your hands through your face.
Your friends only watched you, with pity, sadness. Even Lula had turned her gaze guilty.
You cleared your throat, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“No,” Lula sighed, “it’s our fault for bringing you here. We’re fucking idiots. Besides he is—Julia I swear to god, he is there.” Lula raised her hand and Julia quickly pulled it down.
Julia bit her lip, “I—hadn’t realized how much Tom there is here.”
“Yeah.”
“He called me—“Matt had started.
“No, no, we can’t talk about him, baby,” Julia reminded him. Matt widened his eyes and nodded.
You blinked, “no, it’s—He called you? Tom?” Why had Tom called Matty? What for?
“Yeah, had a missed call,” Matt explained, ignoring his girlfriend. “I—it was this morning.”
You felt your chest twist. “Yeah, I get a lot of those too.”
Perhaps he wanted to talk to you and thought Matty was dumb enough to give you the phone.
Julia glared at Matt. “We promised not to—“
“No, hey,” you stopped her. “I—sorry, I brought him up.”
“But we shouldn’t talk about him,” Julia insisted. “Tonight is all about having fun,” she stated as she handed everyone their shots.
“No, it’s alright,” you said. “I’m fine talking about it.”
Lula turned her gaze to you. “Shouldn’t you hate him?”
Were you supposed to hate someone who gave you something so beautiful? Just because it’s over doesn’t mean you have to look back and hate it.
“No,” you answered simply.
Matt watched you. “Wait, really?”
You took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m—I decided I’m thankful for everything. He really… I… I mean I knew from the start he was trouble. But he got me to get rid of Will. So I’m thankful for Tom. He showed me some beautiful things about him, about myself and… I’m thankful. Even the part when he broke my heart.”
It was a lie. Partly. You had been so full of doubts that you only tried wondering why it had gone so wrong. Or course, the lie was there. His lies. But how could any of it be a lie?
Julia smiled gently, “You’re really a grown up.”
“Or very stupid.” Lula commented.
“Thanks, Lula, I appreciate it,” you rolled your eyes. “I… well, I’ve gotta admit I was pretty stupid.”
Lula shrugged, “Hey, I don’t blame you, boy came in with an accent, he had a cute smile, he was hot, I must admit, and he wasn’t one of those Brooklyn fuckboys that take you to the rooftop and offer you a whiteclaw to watch the sunrise together,” Lula gave in.
“Oh, and they take candid pictures, and they say that their phone camera isn’t as good as their polaroid,” Julia laughed, “But hey, you’re lucky they took you to the rooftop, they never take anyone there, they took you there just because you’re…”
“Different,” Julia, Lula and you chanted.
Matt laughed, “You guys are the worst.”
“Anyway,” Lula said. “We should drink these,” she pointed at the shot glasses as she raised her own. “I came here to get drunk. So, to Y/N being thankful Tom was a piece of shit even when the boy had a dreamy accent?”
You closed your eyes, and let out a defeated dry chuckle. “Yes, to that.”
“To the piece of shit, then!” Lula grinned as the shots clinked and were downed. You instantly regretted drinking it.
Lula scowled as she had her eyes glued back at the bar, “It’s him, Julia, it’s him! What is he doing here? Pendejo, I swear to god I’ll go kill him.” She was furious, and you tried once again following her gaze.
The bar was crowded, red lights crossed around the place, with girls walking with tall heels, trying to smile and nod at guys who were talking to them but clearly were not of interest to them. Friends laughing, people flirting. You didn’t know who your friends were watching.
But the bar seemed to be enough of a reminder of him. How he had made you feel like crowds were never there, and how whenever you had been with him everything disappeared just to be with him.
“Who are we killing?” You questioned.
“Is new y/n a murderer?” Asked Matt. Matt and Julia were your oldest friends. The three of you grew up in Staten Island, and now moved to the crowded places.
Lula coughed. “Hope she is.” Lula, on the other hand, you’ve met in college, she was a very defined addition to the friend group. With more personality. A strong one. Lula, Julia and you shared a small apartment.
Julia cleared her throat.
“The fucking scarf,” Lula scowled.
“What scarf?” Matt asked. And you had the same question.
Julia whispered to her boyfriend’s ear who had turned cold. He lifted his head.
“But it’s not.”
“It is him,” Matt confirmed to Lula. “Jules, it is.”
And now your three friends were acting strange. Usually they did but this was strang-er. They all shared looks, Julia struggled with her hands.
They were watching you with pity but you’d gotten used to that. After the breakup they had been extra careful around you, kinder, you guessed.
Fools they were to believe that by not mentioning him you wouldn’t think of him. He was a memory that would haunt you for the rest of the days.
“So, y/n,” Julia was clearly hiding whatever Lula was seeing.
“Wasn’t he in London? What in this fucking world is he doing here?” Lula continued.
“Shut up!” Julia ordered.
“London?” You asked and you lifted your head, and any noise that was bustling before had stopped.
Tom.
Tom was there.
Thomas.
Tom who had broken your heart. In every possible way that he could’ve. Like he had planned it. Like he was aware.
He was there, on a stool with a beer in his hand and wearing a red scarf. The red scarf. As if he was mocking you.
Tom.
Did he pride on hurting you?
He had always said you were invincible. That you were unrivaled in matters of the heart. Was he proud he had beaten the unbeaten?
You’d always thought he would.
When we love deeply, getting hurt comes as a given. But when we love deeply, we are never expecting it to come. And when it does come the skies cannot turn grayer. Funny thing, you were a fan of the rain but when the rain doesn’t cease, the hope doesn’t perdure.
But he was back in your life. Or at least he had been in the same room as you after months.
What was he doing back in New York with your scarf?
You turned back to your own table, breathing in quickly, bringing your hand to your chest in an attempt to calm yourself down.
You saw your friends speaking but you couldn’t make a word of what they’re saying. Your heart was rushing. Thomas was there. Tom. Your Tom. And there was a part of you that had completely forgotten over the heartbreak and wanted to run to him.
Kiss him, try to fix it. Try to bring back the beautiful thing you both had. Because it was. And it hurt looking back.
You were having trouble breathing now, the heartbreak had come.
That’s the worst thing about heartbreak. You never saw it coming, though you should’ve. Though it was beautiful you’d known from the start you’d end up hurt. But when a lie is crafted so beautifully, how could you?
“It’s him.” The words had come in whispers.
You barely remembered what had happened next. You had only stood up, decisive to leave, you’d seen him try to walk his way to you. You’d heard him call your name, but you hadn’t turned back, you had seen Matty stop him from running to you.
It was blurry. You didn’t know how you got home. Desperately trying to understand why he was there and how the night had turned too badly.
Lula and Matt had come back later to find Julia trying to comfort you, hugging a pillow that you were sure he had slept on. Breathless.
But it was in the past now, you were there again. Same bar, both in stools far away.
You were almost sure he’d gone to that bar in hopes of finding you again.
Just like you’d gone again.
His eyes the night before were guilty. You only took a deep breath, you remembered trying to avoid his glance at any chance as you had walked out.
Why were you there again?
That feeling in your chest growing, like there was something heavy expanding. Yet your stomach falling smaller. The pain was but a shield, as if it was creating a special protection around your heart, and though it hurt it was enough for it to make your heart strong to leave the place.
You didn’t want to see Tom. You hadn’t talked to him since. Even when he’d tried to call. Even when you’d tried calling.
Not when you had replayed the breakup over and over and over again since he was gone.
Everyone deals with breakups in different ways. Yours, specifically, was avoiding it. Everything and everyone. Especially Tom.
It was hard when he was everywhere. In that tattoo he’d convinced you to get, in that ring he’d left, in that cereal box that you still hadn’t finished. Whenever you listened to a song he’d recommended. Whenever you’d open Netflix and that series you had started watching together was still recommended to you even when you’d deleted it.
Everywhere.
You couldn’t use your favorite colors because you could hear it, in the back of your head “I love how it looks on you.” “You should wear more blue, it suits you.”
Even your stupid laugh remind you of him. “Your laugh is the most wonderful thing I’ve heard, even if it’s so ugly.”
You missed the person you were when he was with you. How everything was happy. Who was that y/n? Who didn’t mind if she was slightly late to a place because he’d come with you? Who didn’t feel alone at parties when she knew nobody because you knew him?
A y/n that existed only for a short period of time when he’d been around and that he’d shattered like glass when he had the chance.
You missed that y/n.
The y/n that would sometimes lose her breath and catch it back when he walked into the room. A y/n that sang along to her favorite songs all day. The one that would give her heart in a rush to him. The one that watched movies no matter if they were good or not.
Life had colors back then.
Now you were full of regrets and of doubts. Wondering what you had done wrong? Where did it lead you?
You looked up at him then. He was staring down at his glass.
There was a slight trace of him still there, the Tom you once loved. The one with the silly smile and the gentle chuckle, the one with the jokes about everything.
You wondered how much of that y/n he saw too.
You were the same two people, in essence. But how different you were now.
The Tom you knew before finding out it was a lie.
There was still a hint. You knew. But there was so much of him in you that it was hard to see if you still were there. Or the Tom you thought you knew. Not the one with the lie. Or maybe this was the truest Tom he could ever be.
He had to move on, rather quickly, you recalled. If he ever did.
There was a stupid reminder of you in his hand, that red scarf from the very first day.
You still remembered how it all started, a stupid red scarf. He kept it, then, and he wore it.
You had ordered a beer, too. You pocketed the cap again.
But there was an image in your mind, maybe he had gone back and probably had his arm around her and he laughed at a joke she made. Maybe she was funnier than you. Definitely prettier, with her hair falling down all the way to her waist, her clothing accentuating everything you didn’t have.
You recalled having to leave the room when you found out. You had been a mess.
Leaning against a wall as you caught your breath before the tears came down, as if he had pierced right through it. A pain chest that had expanded all the way on your body, not sure how you were able to keep walking back to your place. Falling down to your knees when you did.
Pain. Words failed to describe such a deep sentiment.
But it was gone now. Not entirely but at least you could hold your breath fine when he was just across the room.
What went wrong?
You could ask him. He was right there.
Maybe even tell him how you had lost sight. He hadn’t walked up to you. He was nervous, but he seemed calm enough to see you were there. You were still unsure why you had gone there.
Maybe all the good things were enough to bring you there, maybe the fact that you still didn’t believe it was a lie brought you there. Maybe the fact that one of those pictures from that photobooth was still in a locket. So stupid.
He fiddled with the glass.
You waited and waited but he didn’t approach you. He took out a paper out of his pocket as he stared at it.
You wouldn’t approach him. No matter how happy he had made you once, you wouldn’t walk to him. No matter how beautiful it was. No matter if you were lonely and that when you dared to sleep he’d be haunting your dreams.
It was a tragedy now. What you both were, and not even worth enough to try and save it. You knew you were haunting him too. Otherwise he wouldn’t be here.
He was shakin, as he stared at you, nervous. He downed his drink, you guessed it was for some liquid courage and stood up, with the note in one hand and your red scarf in the other.
Your own courage for coming here was gone, as you saw his intentions, the urge to run you had the night before was becoming you. But he couldn’t walk. He had to sit down again, rubbing his face.
The courage that had come when choosing what Lula called the ‘revenge black dress’ was nowhere in sight. You were cold and regretting putting it on.
“I can’t do this,” you said to yourself and quickly let out some dollars to pay for your drink before picking up your stuff to leave.
You saw he panicked when he saw you leaving, he quickly called the bartender to pay for his drink.
You closed your coat as you were shaking yourself, punishing yourself for going there. Why had you gone there? The man had broken your heart? Were you really there to see him?
Was your heart foolish enough to ignore the warnings in your mind once again?
You walked your way to get to the subway station, how irrelevant you were through the crowds. You hadn’t felt this way for a while, caring for the crowds. But you had to get through them. There was a part of you that wished Tom was following you after. But the crowds didn’t let you see if he was.
Besides, you shouldn’t want that.
You finally managed to get to the station, you clung to your purse as you stared at the tracks, waiting for the next train to come. Peaceful it seemed, the station. As peaceful as New York could be. You guessed if you cried nobody would care.
“y/n!” You heard your name in the distance and you couldn’t handle it.
You took a deep breath and shook your head, angrily. Why had you gone? You could’ve easily kept ignoring his calls. You could’ve stayed in your apartment, crying as you watched SNL videos on youtube, or rewatching a cartoon for the hundredth time, letting your own sadness and self pity swallow you.
But you had gone to him. This was your fault. You should’ve taken a cab, instead, he would know you’d get at this station and he for sure would know what train you’d take.
“y/n, y/n!” He kept calling as he finally arrived next to you. “Sorry I would’ve gotten here faster but the damn MetroCard-”
“I’m not doing this, Tom,” you stated before he could go on rambling like the idiot he was. You couldn’t do it. “Not here, not anywhere. I don’t know what you’re doing here.”
“I…” His face was kind, and he seemed to be nervous. You could tell he hadn’t been sleeping, probably the jet lag.
You took a moment to look at him, he didn’t look as victorious as you had thought he was. His hair was messy, and his cheeks flushed, the buttons on his shirt were not buttoned right.
Seeing him again, with that signature look he had made you want to go down to your knees.
“Aren’t you supposed to be back in London?” You snapped. “With that pretty girl-”
“No, no, I’m-I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” Tom stuttered. “I was an idiot.”
You stared into his eyes, you were not ready for this. You were not ready to look into his stupid eyes. You looked away. “That’s all you have to say?” You tried walking away from him..
He shook his head. “No, no, no, no, I… No, I actually… I had this… I wrote down my apology,” Tom confessed. He showed you a sad, handwritten paper, now slightly teared up with the ink running. “I… I had….”
You looked down at it, his messy handwriting, crinkled with words scratched down. “You wrote it down?”
You didn’t know why you felt your heart warm. This kind of stuff was why you couldn’t understand what had happened. Someone like him, who writes his apologies down. Someone who stutters when he’s speaking.
“Yeah, I… but I spilled my drink on it after seeing you fled,” He explained, swallowing hard. “I… I… I had written it down so I wouldn’t forget it but now I realize how stupid that is… I’m… I’m really sorry, y/n.” .
You could hear the train coming. You were seeing him again. It hit you right there. And this was not the reaction you thought. You had said you would be delusional, crying and fighting and questioning him why the fuck he had done that.
Yet you weren’t. You were only watching him, eyes full of tears wanting to slide down but unable to. But there was that pain still in your chest.
How could he ever dare to hurt you that way? “I don’t want to talk to you,” you said. And meant it. “Please leave me alone.” You said before walking into the train.
“Y/N, please, no, please, please, listen to me,” He followed you in, the scarf still in his hand.
You tried sitting as far away as you could. Arms and legs crossed as you tried breathing in.
He sat beside you and you changed seats. He sighed but followed you again. “Please, I need to talk to you. I never meant to hurt you.”
“Well you did,” you snapped. “You did, and now you come here a month later with a handwritten note apology thinking I will be fine with it?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I had to solve-Please, would you listen?” Tom asked, knowing damn well he had to ask, and not just straight up blurt it out.
“Why would I, Tom?” You turned to him, with a tear traveling down your cheek. You were incredulous. “You’re kidding me, right? I… You… You think that just because you show up with that stupid face of yours and my scarf I’ll want to listen to you? You’re an idiot.”
He sighed and reached to give you the scarf. You ignored it.You were furious now.
The other people on the train were certainly getting a show. A guy with a backpack was trying to pretend he wasn’t listening but his reactions were giving it away. Another woman pretended to keep reading her book but she hadn’t turned any pages.
Tom took the scarf back staring at it. “I need to explain everything to you.”
“What if I don’t want an explanation?” You snapped. Though you did. You had been waiting for one, you wanted one. You would beg for it. But your pride was taking the wheel of the conversation. “Don’t you think it’s fucking late for it?”
“Is it?” Tom turned back to you.
“Yes!” You couldn’t believe him. But this seemed a bit too familiar of a conversation. “And beside no explanation would make me forgive you!” You stated, whispering, not wanting any of the attention you were receiving.
“I’m not… I… If you just listen to me,” Tom said.
You glared, “I don’t want anything to do with you.”
“Then why did you come to the bar?” He asked.
He fucking asked.
Your eyes widened. He had gone there. He knew. He fucking knew you’d gone back because you wanted an explanation. Or so he thought. No, you’d gone back because… Yes, because you wanted an explanation. Because everything he’d done had been beautiful. Until the heartbreak. He had crafted and vexed his way into your cold stupid heart and then he had gone and pierced right through it, crushed it.
You wanted to ask why. Why did he do it so vehemently?
You didn’t answer, instead you moved one seat away. He kept his eyes on you.
“You wouldn’t have gone if you didn’t want an explanation,” he said. “Or to see me, at least. I know I did, I needed to see you.”
You saw the guy with the backpack purse his lips, knowing that Tom had got you. There was little context for them. The girl with the book directed a glance to you, trying to read your emotions.
If they knew, they’d be on your side and yelling at him as well.
He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face.
“I didn’t, it was a coincidence,” you answered coldly.
“No, it bloody wasn’t,” Tom scoffed and then sat up. “No, I’m… No, but you know, you went to the bar for a reason.”
“And I left for a million more,” you frowned.
Tom pursed his lips and took out the paper again, trying to make out whatever he’d written before. “I’m really sorry.” His eyes traced through the note.
“Are you genuinely trying to read it? Don’t you know what you’re supposed to apologize for?”
Tom looked up, “So you do want me to apologize?”
The guy with the backpack squeezed his eyes shut, knowing Tom had fucked up.
“You’re kidding, right? Yes, you have to apologize, what you did is really, really shitty!” You pointed out.
“But you won’t forgive me, then?” Tom watched you.
“I don’t know,” you said and he looked up, a beaming gaze. “No, I won’t.”
He wrinkled his eyes, “I… I know I’m supposed to apologize, not to expect you to forgive. I'm just…”
He gulped, and then sat back, staring at the dirty walls and lights. He had dressed up. Badly, but he had tried looking good, you could tell. You could smell his lotion, too.
He was fiddling with the paper, crumpling up and then it fell to the floor. You looked at it and somehow related to it, not sure how.
You took a deep breath so you wouldn’t kill him and turned to him. “I have questions for you, if you answer them I might consider listening to you.”
Tom’s eyes brightened up. “Yes, yes, anything.”
You eyed him up and down as he watched you with begging eyes. You avoided his gaze. Tom followed your gaze as you tried to figure out what was the first thing you could ask him. Why had he hurt you?
Why did he not stop and think before making you fall in love with him?
Why did he not stop and tell you the truth?
“Where are you staying?” You asked,
Tom blinked. “Is that… is that the question?”
“No, but I know you don’t know how to fucking get anywhere,” you said.
Tom gulped, “I… uh, again with Harrison,” he explained.
You sighed. You remembered Harrison alright. And though there was a petty part inside you, you would help him out. Knowing he’d always get lost in the city. Though you could let him get lost, so you’d have to go after him and spend a bit more time. With an excuse, because you didn’t seem to have any excuse to be with him.
It hurt. What hurt the most was trying not to look back at the incredible moments you had because none of them were true.
You sighed. “Okay, when we get down you’ll take the F train—“
Tom stopped you, taking your hand. “No, wait, I don’t care if I get lost, okay, I… I just.”
You snatched your hand away from his cold hands he had. You darkened your gaze at him.
“Please, Y/n, I just need a chance. If you don’t want to listen… maybe I’ll just…” He handed you the note.
You crossed your arms, and tapped your foot, trying to decide whether or not to give it to him. “Fine,” you took the note.
You've gotten to your stop. So you stood up.
The girl with the book and the guy with the backpack watched you both as you walked out, pitying they couldn’t follow the drama.
Tom followed after you, he licked his lips. “You… you had questions, right?”
“Yeah.” You nodded, taking yet another heavy breath. You turned on your feet to look at him “One, did you lie to me?”
Tom was taken back by this, his eyes, consternated, only watched you. He gulped. “What?”
“Did you lie to me?
“I… well.”
You were getting desperate. “Did you ?”
“I didn’t lie about how I felt,” he said. You knew he wasn’t lying about it. He couldn’t. He couldn’t have ever lied about how he felt because you knew he had felt it too, a bit, at least,
You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.”
“I mean it, I…” Tom gulped. “I really liked you.”
“Yeah, I know, you liked me yadda, yadda,” you started. Liked not loved. “Cut the bullshit for once, did you or did you not lie to me?”
Tom took a deep breath. “Yes. But I had feelings for you.”
You bit your inner cheeks. “Uh-huh, yes, okay, good, yes, you acknowledge it. So, we have two statements here, Tom. You say you had feelings yet you lied to me,” you squinted. “Sounds-”
Tom gulped and avoided your gaze. “I know yes,” he looked down. “But, if you give me-”
“Ah, buh-buh, nope, I’m just gathering my thoughts here,” you coughed. “I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me what you felt.”
Tom shook his head in confusion. “I—I’m”
“Go on,” you motioned your hand.
“Y/N,” he said. And the way he dared to say your name was like having a knife right through you. “I had—I have feelings for you,” he said looking right into your eyes.
He didn’t say what feelings.
You were not sure where you wanted to go with this. “Fine, my next question…” you really didn’t know where this was going. “So, alright, you…” You couldn’t even phrase it. “You… made me fall in love with you knowing….Well, we both know what you did. What you hid from me. You’re a liar who made me—“
Tom took a deep breath. “Yes, but I didn’t… plan that.”
Your eyes widened. “Oh, so it’s my fault?” You stepped back. “Sorry for developing feelings for you. Sorry for ruining your life—“
Tom closed his eyes, “No, no, look, I… wasn’t. I didn’t come here expecting to meet you, I didn’t want… It just happened, okay, I never thought—You're making it sound like it’s some big master plan. I—I never planned—I never would’ve ever planned on hurting you.”
You watched him, incredulous. “Thomas you do realize what you did to me?”
“I do.”
“No, you don’t! You’re trying to make me seem like I’m crazy for not even wanting to talk to you!” You called him out.
“I’m not, I’m just saying that if you’re here—you must miss it too, you know it was too real, and you want it back, possibly—M-maybe not, but if you came to the bar tonight it was in hopes of finding me again because you knew I’d be there, and you want to feel how you felt before, and i just… you know I miss it and that you knew I didn’t lie—“
You glared at him. “You did lie!”
“Okay—yes, yes I did—But not entirely, I just happened to omit one truth—“
“One very important truth,” you snarked.
“Fine but—please listen,” he tried to convince you. “and I’m sorry, okay? I—I didn’t want to hurt you. But I never planned this. It just happened. I didn’t come here expecting to fall in love with anyone, I didn’t come here trying to date, and I never expected it to be someone as complex—“
“Complex?”
“Yes, I never came to New York trying to find the most mental relationship I’ve ever had—“
“Mental?” You snapped.
“Yes! I love you but you’re fucking crazy! And I am too! I’m fucking crazy and mental but I—I—I loved being crazy and mental with you! We are fucking mental! Driving to nowhere? Breaking into places? Getting a jukebox on the subway? That’s mental! But—but I love that about you, alright? Don’t you get it? I could’ve stayed in London, I could've been the asshole who just ditched you and lied to you—“
You scoffed. “Well that’s comforting!”
“But I’m—I’m here, ain’t I? And I know I fucked up, I know, I accept that, I’m the asshole here, and I know you’ll never—I hid it from you because I didn’t know what was going on, I didn’t even get it myself. I’m here to give you my version of it. I didn’t realize I was falling in love with you…I am…,I am in love with you, and I never planned that, I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with someone else, it just happened. I may have thought it was just—Some fling, initially.”
You laughed cynically. “A fling.”
He gulped. “And the moment I realized what was really going on—”
“You left, that’s what you fucking did, when you realized it was way too real for you, you destroyed the one real thing you’ve ever known,” you barked, he stepped back. “I fell in love with you, I—I—and then you ditched me, and I thought that was the worst thing you could ever do to me but then I realized that it wasn’t real! I—you were never mine, Tom! I simply was—a break you needed or—a fling.”
“It wasn’t that—“
You watched him. Looking so innocent, kind eyes and tender lips. You would’ve believed him had he come before.
“You used me!” You snapped, the words that had wanted to come for a while just blurted out. “I just can’t believe you,” you said. “You don’t feel sorry.” You shook your head, your voice was cracking. “You're not sorry because you don’t understand. You don’t know what I went through, and if you had come earlier, if you hadn’t left me, I probably would have believed you. But—No! No!” You stepped back. “No!”
“I did call! You never picked up the phone! I tried—“Tom started.
“Was I really expected to pick it up? Let’s get back to it. Shall we? The facts. Did you or did you not date me? And made me fall in love with you?”
Tom sighed. “I—yes.”
“Did you lie?”
“…yes.”
You nodded. “Was I the other one?”
Tom squinted his eyes. “No… yes, no.”
You took a deep breath. “Did you leave me without an explanation?”
Tom looked down. “I did.”
“Did you ditch me?”
Tom looked everywhere and nowhere. “Yes,” he answered, defeated.
“Now, do you think I can ever forgive you?”
Tom didn’t answer.
You reached for your purse, for the locket that dug deep inside. “I don’t know you,” you stated giving him the locket, the stupid locket you’d bought as a joke when making fun of other couples and now laughed in your face. “Whatever happened means nothing. Because that’s the thing Tom. Everything we lived was a lie, those two people in the locket are not us, because you weren’t who you said you were, no matter how much I loved it, it’s not true and though it was too many emotions all at once I’m—It’s not real, not for you. I spent this whole time thinking I wanted you to apologize but I don’t want it. That charming guy wasn’t truly you because you omitted one very important thing. You—What were you thinking? Were you planning to never say it? Or did you plan it like that? Just ditching me, hoping I wouldn’t find out—“
Tom took a deep breath. “No—No, I didn’t. I just—-I didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you and I should’ve fixed it before—-“
“No, no you didn’t because it wasn’t enough for you.”
Tom gulped, “It was, it was—-the best thing I’ve ever had.”
“And you ruined it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“How little words mean when you’re a little too late, huh?” And that was the cue you needed to walk away. He silently watched you as you tried not to cry.
“I’m really sorry.” He said.
Was he?
“What if I try to prove it to you?” He asked as you were steps away from him.
You didn’t stop.
“If we go over this, you’ll see I never lied about it.” He continued.
“I already went over it, I remember everything, Tom, and maybe that’s why I don't want to talk to you.”
Tom walked behind, slowly. “I just happened to be very unlucky when it came to my own circumstances,” he reached over. “And I wish the timing had been better. But you’re right, it’s the one real thing I’ve ever had and I lost it because I hid something in fear of losing you. I lied because it was too good to be true. And I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me but I think you deserve to know why. But you went to the bar for a reason, and you had the locket for another.”
You stopped this time. Looking down at the floor and then at his hand, holding your stupid scarf. You shook your head, you really didn’t want to go through it all over again.
“I know you won’t forgive me,” he stated. “But I can’t let you go. You’re everywhere. And I miss the person I was when you were around, and I won’t stop fighting because you’re everywhere. Dreams, nightmares.”
Funny. You were his demons too.
“Am I haunting your nightmares?” You asked. Tom only watched you.
He took a deep breath. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, I just need—I really need you to listen to my version.”
“Fine then, let’s go down this sad, beautiful tragic love affair.”
-
next chapter
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Fuck the Writing Rules
The title is more aggressive than I feel at the moment, but I couldn't think of anything better.
I see so many posts/videos/articles about writing. About pacing and plotlines and character info and hooks and background information. Every single aspect of writing, there is advice about. And sometimes it contradicts, but there are certain things that Everyone seems to agree with.
Specifically when it comes to pacing and trimming and editing. Even if someone mentions that you should keep your 'trimmings' and see if you can use them for another piece, everyone seems to agree that you want to Trim Down your work. Write the first page, then remove the first paragraph. Write a draft, then cut out all the bits that don't Directly Further the story. Nip and Tuck and Trim and Cut until your story is Streamlined and everything relates to the main plotline and there's no extra bits hanging off the edges. Until everything Pushes the Plot.
And sure, this can be Incredibly helpful advice for people! I guess. Sometimes. Maybe. Once in a while.
But god damn it, I hate seeing it.
It always makes me angry and GUILTY because I do NOT do this. I almost NEVER cut things from my work. Not for the express purpose of streamlining or simplifiying or trying to fix Pacing. Never. I don't Immediately start on hooks or give out only the Important details or cut scenes that aren't directly relating to the main plot. I hoard Every Fucking Thing I write, and fics that could easily be trimmed down to 10-15k end up at 50k or 60k.
So I feel guilty. I'm supposedly a Good Writer, but I don't do this basic thing. My works are FILLED with Random side bits and unimportant chit-chat and smalltalk and the tiniest details that Don't need to be there at all. I focus on days where nothing happens and I give scenes that have No real purpose for the story.
But you know what?
PEOPLE LOVE IT.
Do you have any idea how many comments I have gotten over the years from readers about how much they Absolutely Adore that I don't cut shit?
In one of my most Popular fics, it takes me 13 Chapters to get to the main plot of the story. Out of 27.
And PEOPLE FUCKING LOVE IT.
Even if you consider how many people Didn't like it and thought that it was too drawn out, but just didn't bother telling me bc it would be rude to complain, that in NO WAY discounts the HUNDREDS of comments I received telling me how Delighted the reader was that I took my time, and how heartbroken they would have been if I cut even one scene.
And it just re-enforces this fury I have with the constant bombardment of Cut Trim Snip Delete Erase that writers get.
Yes, having a story that drags and drags isn't good. But you can have the most fast-paced streamlined story ever and it can STILL drag if it doesn't ever draw the reader in in the first place. If the reader doesn't care about what's happening, they are still going to skim or speedread to get to the end.
And on the flip side, you can have the longest fucking stories, 100-200-500k stories, that NEVER drag. That the reader is GLUED to and Invested In despite every out of the blue convo or irrelevant character arc/scene.
And it's unfair to say "oh, well that's just in FIC. Real stories shouldn't be like that," because do you have ANY IDEA how massive fanfiction is as a written medium? It's JUST as prevalent as the fiction genre.
No one ever fucking yelled at homer for the Odyssey being so goddamn boring and his rambling about the color of the sea and the shape of the island.
It doesn't matter that it's a 'classic'; if you're following this rule, then the story is Still Bad.
But that's my point! You don't have to follow this rule! It isn't a RULE.
It's like artistic references that teach you how to draw the correct relative size of body parts for a character study. Sure, knowing how to do that helps, but if it doesn't match your preferred style, then DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
The best reason to know rules, is so that you know how to Break Them.
Now, one could argue (and it would honestly not be an unsafe assumption) that because I have spent so many years writing and studying writing, that the reason people are still able to enjoy my work despite the lack of reasonable pacing, is because I know HOW to do it well. How to make the pacing roll like a wave on a beach so that you have slow parts and fast parts but you don't get Dumped into it, you just drift through the motions.
I struggle a lot with memory loss, but I've been studying and working in creative writing/language for SO LONG, that I manage to do the good stuff anyway. It's instinctive. I don't know HOW or WHY I do something, I just do it, and it works. It's not natural talent, it's ingrained, learned ability.
So, maybe I literally just know enough to do the Advanced technique of having uneven pacing that Still Works. It's true that everything I write has A purpose, even if it's not THE purpose. Everything I put has something to do with a character's thoughts/need/feelings at the time. With their core traits and how those are shifting. With how the environment is moving and setting up other things. With how a relationship is developing or GOING to develop very far in the future. Everything has a reason to be there, they just aren't "Big" reasons.
And they don't need to be. Not everything has to be about the main plot! Sometimes you can give the reader background into your character that will have NO effect on the outcome of the story, and you can do it just so that the reader gets to Know the character better. Empathizes better. Cares More.
Slice of life fics are so precious and loved, because they let us see the character Outside of the stress of the main plotline. You can't have the Stress without the Relaxation, or it destroys the Weight that the stress carries.
How are you supposed to know just how heartbroken someone is, just how PUshed to their Limits they are....if you've never EVER gotten to see them in their comfort zone? If you never see someone smile, there is no goddamn reason to care if they cry, because that's ALL THEY DO.
The inclusion of benign moments in the midst of your horror or action-packed story is so important, because it makes the moments when things ARE action-packed and fast-pace Feel that way when the reader realizes those benign moments are suddenly MISSING.
If I write a character who is Always running from one spot to the next saving the day without a single break, it's going to dull out. It's exhausting for the reader just as much as it is for the character.
But if I write a character who has normal days. Who goes to the nearest gas station in their downtime and grabs candy bars, or visits a park to go for a relaxed run. And then I Take Those Away and throw them into a panicked state? it'll hit more because the reader will SEE the absence of their normal routine. No more candy bars. No more running that isn't fueled by a desire not to be ripped apart. You Feel the absence, and it makes the panic that much more real.
How often do we get angry at show-runners for never letting their characters have down-time? For crushing so much plot into so little time and just Pushing toward the next one and the next one. Shoving subplots in until there's no room left for the characters to EXIST.
But it doesn't have to be like that.
Here's MY advice on pacing.
Be sure everything you write has a purpose. Period. It doesn't need to be big! It doesn't need to relate to the overarching plot or theme. Just having a Reason. ANY REASON. Is enough.
Are you giving A a good day so that when everything goes wrong they're more upset? That's good! Send them for ice cream or something.
Are you giving A and B a quiet moment together to bond, because they haven't gotten to be alone together for far too long? Perfect!
Are you letting B share a tangential story in the middle of a serious moment that lowers the tension of the whole room and reveals something completely benign about their backstory that just makes them feel more real? That's ALL the reason you need!
Noting the color of the sky or the texture of a fabric under someone's fingers Does things. It reveals what the character considers important, or shows how their mindset is Different than usual. Are they avoiding their problems by focusing on how well someone's outfit matches their hair, or is this how they Normally see the world? Did they eat something for dinner and it was weird enough to mention? Or NORMAL enough to mention?
Establishing a baseline is important. Tell people what is normal. Casually mention that your character eats hot pockets for dinner or that their favorite show is This. or that they always park a little too far forward. Just let it trickle into the work and don't feel like you have to delete it all just because it doesn't Move The Plot Forward.
Fuck the plot. Live in your world. The readers WANT to be there with you, and they don't know all the fun shit you do! Share it with them!
You will get better as you go. Yeah, some of your stories will drag. And you'll learn from it. Don't feel bad for not following a "writing essential for making a Good Story." There is no one way to do it. You are not a failure or a cheater. You just have a different style, and if you learn to hone that ability, you can make incredible things.
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c!clingy duo headcanons :D (for the ask game)
Y E S. C!Clingyduo. I Am In My Element <3
(all /rp of course!)
A: Realistic
This is essentially Canon, though not many people talk about it: they want to room together so bad.
In canon, after New L'Manberg fell, Tubbo asked Tommy to come and live in Snowchester. Said he wanted him to be safe; Tommy didn't, because he was trying to heal and didn't want to get involved with all of Tubbo's nukes and such. After that, when Tommy asked Tubbo to come and fight Dream with him, he asked Tubbo to move in with him at the dirt shack; Tubbo didn't, because he said he couldn't just abandon Snowchester (nevermind that Tubbo left his dog at Tommy's house and stopped by daily.) After THAT, when Tommy was revived and Tubbo showed him the mansion, Tommy assumed it was for the two of them, immediately jumping to the conclusion that Tubbo had built it for the two of them to live in, "Our manor house!" and you could HEAR how much it hurt Tubbo to have to let him down, though he did tell Tommy he could have a room if he wanted.
All of what I've just said is literally CANON. This all HAPPENED. And we never talk about it, which is why it bothers me so much when c!beeduo fics have cRanboo move in with Tubbo but never even mention cTommy... Like I'm not saying cTommy wouldn't also want to have his own house away from cTubbo just to have his own space/privacy and I'm not saying cRanboo wouldn't want to move in with cTubbo, but I am saying that I think we need to talk more about how obviously cClingyduo want to live together, or at least live close by (which makes sense, because they're used to having each other close because of L'Manberg. This physical distance is new to them, and they don't like it, and they very clearly want to share a home together, whether that be a country or a commune or even sharing a house.)
B: Funny
Clingyduo are completely incapable of shutting up if they're within eyesight if each other. They will find a way to talk no matter what: verbally, via communicator, through punches on arms and nudging of shoulders. It's not uncommon for them to make each other laugh just through facial expressions alone, or for them to seemingly reach a decision only through eye contact. Sometimes they don't seem to communicate at all, they'll just both know what the other is thinking immediately, like they share a brain. When cRanboo first arrived, Tommy had him convinced he and Tubbo were twins and had telepathic powers, but Tubbo eventually had to break the news to cRanboo after cRanboo suggested Tubbo just read Tommy's thoughts to see if he was guilty of burning George's house. (cRanboo still wonders if they have telepathy sometimes, though.)
C: Sad
Whenever Tommy gets himself into "legal trouble," he always calls out for Big Law, for a few reasons.
Obviously, because he misses it. He and Tubbo haven't scammed anyone since before the disc finale (they had a very funny bit scamming cRanboo), and Tommy wishes they were able to do that again, but it also scares him that they don't. He wants things to be simple enough for Tubbo to play into his alter egos and for Tommy to cause a ruckus without worrying someone will kill him for it. Tommy worries that he and Tubbo have grown apart too far, that he's ruined things beyond fixing them and he'll never have his best friend back. But on top of that, it really worries Tommy that Tubbo has seemingly abandoned all of his alter egos and old hobbies. He used to love the study of law, used to love history and archiving every bit of it he could like he was making a scrapbook, used to beekeep and farm and teach himself new songs...
Tommy knows that Big Law isn't going to come when he calls, but it makes him feel better just to try, because he feels like it'd be really good for him and Tubbo both if they were able to start having adventures and causing mischief again.
D: Unrealistic
The family dynamic goes like this:
Phil has Wilbur, his son. By the time Wilbur is 14-ish, he declares that he can handle himself, starts running off and having adventures, and Phil believes him. Phil flies off on adventures of his own with Technoblade, another immortal. Technoblade and Wilbur meet several times, but never live together. As Wilbur ages, Phil is around less and less, though he's always kind and warm when he is around.
Wilbur finds a boy on his adventures - that'd be Tommy. Tommy is loud and bright and Wilbur sees a lot of potential in him, so he decides that this random orphan is his brother and drags him around the land stealing and scheming and generally causing trouble, though Tommy is only about 8 and Wilbur is around 17 (tentative ages).
Phil is the one who finds Tubbo, sitting in a box on the side of the road. He's a bit feral, really. What Phil gets out of him is that he lives on his own, has since around age 5. He learned through trial and error how to forage for berries and steal from vendors and charm his way into the hearts of old ladies with fresh bread, but every day he comes to sit in his box and wait for a bit, because that's the last thing he'd ever been told to do by an adult: wait here. Tubbo doesn't know what he's waiting for, but he finds it anyway when Phil takes him home.
Phil doesn't find out about Tommy until Tommy turns 9, and he doesn't meet him in person until he's 10. Wilbur and Tommy come to visit Phil, who has been doing his best to raise Tubbo over the last two years. Tubbo is strange and won't really talk and will go out of his way to do things himself instead of letting Phil do things for him, so eventually Phil just sort of leaves him to his own devices and only offers much help if Tubbo asks or really needs it.
When Wilbur and Tommy come for a visit, it takes about two hours before Tommy and Tubbo latch onto each other. Phil can't believe how much Tubbo starts talking, ranting at a mile a minute and smiling more than Phil has ever seen and Tommy actually gets him to laugh, so when Tommy announces at dinner that he and Wilbur are taking Tubbo with them, Phil doesn't argue.
(Wilbur doesn't remember agreeing to that, doesn't really consider Tubbo to actually be his brother, but Tommy is insistent and the kid seems smart and Wilbur could always use another pair of hands, so he ends up giving in.)
Tommy and Tubbo grow up together, server hopping with Wilbur, never spending more than a few days apart. Exile is the longest they've gone without seeing each other since they've met, and Manberg is the first time they've ever been intentionally kept apart by someone; You can imagine why they hadn't dealt with it well.
#the last one is hardly c!clingyduo but shrug what are ya gonna do yk#thank you for the ask! :)#asks
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building on what that anon said about bruce feeling guilty
to help thor bruce tells him about midgard graves and alters and they have funerals for loki and anyone else lost during thanos' attack on the asgardian ship bruce swears it's not to make himself feel better that it's for thor but he knows he's just trying to escape the feeling that he's one of the reasons thor's brother and closes friend are dead that is his fault they lost.
anyways i'm crying-
Anonymous said: I sort of have a thor and bruce thought. That bruce was the only person in the avengers to witness loki being on their side (kinda) and probably feels guilty in some way that heimdall basically died for him
including the first ask for ease but GODDDD no because one of the headcanons for my thorbruce fix it fic was that bruce helped thor have a funeral for loki and heimdall etc. so this i am on BOARD WITH
i don’t know whether bruce would try to prompt the funerals to make himself feel better because he’d definitely try and avoid his guilt and grief i think BUT i can see a scene of some type where they have the funerals and bruce is overwhelmed with emotion and thor finally gets it out of him what’s making him feel so bad etc. and they’d talk about it and obviously thor would tell bruce he was being stupid and tell him it wasn’t his fault (i can imagine it similar to when he finds out gamora is thanos’ daughter - he doesn’t blow up he just sympathises with her situation because he knows what shitty murderous dads are like) and by talking about these things whilst also laying his family and friends to rest, both of them are able to put their grief and feelings to rest in a healthy way.
thor tells bruce that he can always talk to him about his feelings and that he should never keep such damaging things inside him when thor is always there to listen. and bruce is terrified because his thoughts and emotions have always been so tumultuous and dangerous and have a track record for ending badly but thor doesn’t care. he’s always there to listen. because he saved bruce from sakaar, and bruce saved thor in new asgard. thor saved bruce from the snap killing him. they keep saving each other. it’s balance. it’s love.
#liv answers#anonymous#THIS GOT LONG IM SORRY BUT IM CRYING#deadass might write a fic about this#i feel like it would be a good solid piece for my fix it fic or something#thorbruce
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Regrets /// Oikawa x nb!reader
Summary: After the last day of school you go over to Oikawa's house and start to talk about all the things you regretted not doing in high school. During that time though you confess to him after he pesters you about who you were interested in.
Length: 2.1k
Tags: Fluff, Childhood Friends, Kissing
Author's Note: Heyo, this is just some silly Oikawa fluff I decided to write cause I wasn't really in the mood to write smut these past few weeks. I might add more parts to this, but for now I'm working on Part 2 to the Nanami fic. Anyways, sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes and enjoy :)
The clink of ice in a glass sounded from the other room. You let out a long sigh, closing your eyes, letting the buzzing from the cicadas outside fill your mind. Warm sunlight beamed in from the sliding glass door, lighting up his bedroom and falling across your legs.
It was the last day of the school year. The last day of school before you headed off to college. It had been a long and twelve years, filled with some of the hardest work you had ever done, but now that it was over you felt was a slight sadness. Thinking about what you had ahead of you felt overwhelming and you just wanted to spend your time enjoying this last summer break to its fullest.
The sound of footsteps approaching from the kitchen made you open your eyes, turning your head to look at him as he entered the room. Casual as ever, Oikawa entered the room holding two full glasses of lemonade and smiling at you. Oikawa, your neighbor and childhood friend since you were seven-- looking at him now felt no different than it had when you first met. Despite the fact that he had grown twice as tall and now had his hair styled in those perfect waves the cocky look on his face had remained the same. You followed his movements with your eyes as he set one of the glasses down next to you on the floor before sitting down with a heavy sigh, admiring the way the muscles under his shirt moved.
“So, how long until you leave?” he asked, staring out the window into the garden in front of you.
“Two months. I’m leaving for Tokyo a month early to get set up,” you said dismally. Thinking about how little time you had left made a shiver run up your spine. It felt like there was a foot on your back pushing you to move on while you still held on to the last scraps of your childhood.
“Any closer to deciding on what you’re going to do?” you asked, shifting your eyes over to look at him. He was sprawled out on the floor, back resting against the side of the bed and lemonade glass in hand, slowly swirling the liquid inside. He shook his head, a slight, sad smile forming on his lips in response. Both of you felt the same way about high school ending-- you knew it was unavoidable but neither one of you liked the implications it held and the future it brought.
“Did you make sure to pick up all your equipment? You know Matsukawa was annoyed last year when you forgot your uniform,” you said, nudging his shoulder, trying to liven up the conversation. His eyes flicked over to you, giving you a fake exasperated look that contrasted the smile on his face.
“Of course, of course, Iwaizumi pestered me about it endlessly, there was no way I could forget,” he said, nudging you back a little harder.
“Say, why didn’t you ever join the team? You were always so invested in all of my games and practices.” You fixed your gaze back on the garden in front of you, feeling the jovial mood in the conversation seep out of the atmosphere as memories of things you missed out on flooded into your mind.
“I’m not sure,” you said truthfully, “I guess I was just too busy. I wish I had.” Oikawa nodded, letting out an “mmm” in response.
“Well, it doesn’t matter too much, I’m sure you’ll have a chance in college,”
“Probably, doesn’t feel the same though. I know it stupid but it feels like high school is the time when you’re supposed to do things like that. Makes it seem like I missed a lot of opportunities,” you said quietly, sadness seeping into your tone.
“I doubt that, you were always a hardworking student so if anything you just prepared yourself more for the future. Things like clubs aren’t important,” Oikawa said, trying to lighten the mood. Even though he was usually able to distract you and cheer you up, you still felt the weight of your future still pressing on your emotions.
“I feel so left behind though, like I don’t have these core experiences that everyone else does,”
“I don’t think volleyball is that much of a core experience-”
“It’s not just that, there’s lots of stuff-- I was never in any clubs, I never made that cliche friend group you’re supposed to have, I’ve never even had a first kiss! Do you know how embarrassing that’ll be for me to go into college without even a first kiss?” you exclaimed a little louder than you wanted to. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes but you quickly forced them away, returning to your depressed composure. There was no reason to get so emotional. You glanced over at Oikawa who had a surprised but concerned look on his face.
“I… I don’t know, I think this is all just weighing on me cause school just ended. I guess I don’t feel prepared,”
“It’s alright, I understand. I’m sure everything will get better in the next few months though.”
“Yeah, probably... I just wish I could go back and redo things, I feel so much regret…” you said, staring down at your drink, watching the condensation drip down the sides. You felt a little guilty putting this all on Oikawa, but you couldn’t quite shove away the depressing feeling that clung to you. There was an awkward pause and you felt Oikawa shift beside you.
“What would you go back and change?” he asked tentatively, meeting your eyes. You opened your mouth to answer but stopped when you realized you weren’t quite sure. You had never really thought about what exactly you would go and change, it felt like there was never really any point.
“I’m not exactly sure. I guess for starters I would go and join the volleyball team, then maybe try and connect with people more often. I was pretty standoff-ish most of the time wasn’t I,” you said, earning a chuckle from Oikawa.
“Makes sense, what would you do about that first kiss situation though? You seemed pretty distressed about that,” he said, a slight smirk forming at the corner of his mouth. You let out a small laugh, rolling your eyes and feeling heat rush to your cheeks. Out of all the things you felt you missed out on, that was the one you had actually given some thought to.
Over the four years you were in high school, you had multiple crushes on different people, but had never really been able to connect with them. At the current moment though the only one you remembered was the way you had liked Oikawa ever since elementary school. You had tried to build up the courage to confess to him back then, but once middle school hit and he got a girlfriend you buried your feelings as much as possible.
“I-I’m honestly not sure. There were a couple people I was interested in but I’m not sure anything would have ever really worked out with them.” You averted your gaze from him, trying to hide the blush forming on your cheeks, making you miss the intensity in his eyes as he asked you the next question.
‘Oh? Like who? Anyone I know?” he said, leaning forwards with a teasing grin on his face.
“I- I don’t think so, it wasn’t really anyone ever well known,” you said a bit too quickly, trying to blow it off with a slight laugh. You thought about all the times you had wanted to tell him about how you felt. You knew you had wanted to for so long, but was it even a good idea?
“Aw c’mon, can I at least get some names? You shouldn’t hold back information like this from your best friend Y/N,”
“I-... um-...” You couldn’t think of anything to say. The name of every guy you had ever known vanished from your head and the only one left was Oikawa’s. Your mind raced to try and think of something to say but nothing came to you. The room suddenly felt too hot and the noise from outside buzzed in your ears, distracting you from thinking properly.
“I-It’s a secret,” you said, regretting the excuse as soon as it came out of your mouth. Oikawa’s smile quickly dropped to be replaced with an expression that said “seriously?”
“We’re not even in school anymore, how can it be a secret?”
“It- It just is. I don’t want you to know, it’s embarrassing,” you said, becoming more aware of the hole you were digging yourself. There was no way you’d be able to lie your way out of this. The blush on your cheeks had transformed into a crimson shade that ran all the way up to your ears, showing that the words you said were lame excuses if it wasn’t already apparent.
“Come onnnn, it can’t be that bad, just tell me,” he said, poking you in the arm. Oikawa’s prying was becoming harder and harder to manage as you scrambled to find a way out of it. Your mind was barely working and had formed into a mess of pure panic. You wanted to give up and just tell him, but your mind was jumping from pros and cons too quickly for you to choose. You felt your breath hitch in your throat as you tried to answer.
“W-Well… it’s you.”
It felt like everything in the room stilled as soon as you spoke. The panic you felt before almost seemed to enhance and you felt a feeling of regret slam into you. What were you thinking? Your eyes flicked to Oikawa who was staring at you wide-eyed with his lips slightly parted in shock. Your lower lip began to tremble and your palms felt too sweaty where they were in your lap. Every atom in you felt the urge to run, but you were frozen in place. Fuck.
“W-What?” he said, finally breaking the silence.
“I-I’m sorry, pretend I didn’t say anything,” you blurted out, whipping your head back to face the garden. You started staring intently at a bush outside to try and concentrate on anything but the rising fear in your throat.
“You like me?”
“Y-Yeah…”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“I-I don’t know, I didn’t think you would reciprocate. W-Which it’s okay if you don’t...” you said, slowly shifting your gaze back to him, searching for any emotion on his face besides the intense stare he was giving you. You felt like your heart was about to pound out of your chest. Finally telling all of him this wasn’t as relieving as you thought it would be. Instead of feeling like a weight was lifted off your chest, being in this limbo had caused you to feel even more crushed by your decision. You closed your eyes and took a shaky breath, trying to calm down.
Faster than you could process, you felt his hand reach up to cup your cheek and his lips press up against yours. Your eyes shot open and you scrambled backwards, pulling away from the kiss.
“W-What are you doing?” you said, eyes wide and staring at Oikawa who was inches from your face.
“I-I’m sorry, I like you too, I thought it would be okay-” You didn’t let him finish his sentence as you slammed your lips back into his. Finally, you felt that wave of relief wash over you. Happiness swelled in your mind. You had to concentrate on keeping the corners of your lips from forcing your mouth into a smile. Your first kiss. Right then and there. It was all you could have ever hoped for and with the guy you had always dreamed it would be with.
You felt Oikawa’s arm move from its place on your cheek to reach around your back. He pulled you closer to him and you wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling his soft hair brush against your fingers. You melted into the kiss, savoring the warmth of his lips against yours.
He pulled back looking into your eyes as you let out an unsteady breath before smiling up at him. You could feel almost every part of you shaking from the adrenaline. You were lightheaded and found it hard to breathe, but you felt like you couldn’t be happier at that moment.
“So… would you like to be my significant other?” he asked, rubbing you back with his thumb.
“Yeah- yes please.” You beamed up at him, letting out a small laugh.
“You sure were surprised at that kiss, huh,” he said, a smirk coming across his features.
“Shut up!”
You gave him a slight push, both of you laughing as he held you in his arms, relishing the feeling of finally being with him.
#fluff#oikawa#oikawa x reader#haikyuu!!#oikawa x you#nb!reader#haikyuu fanfic#oikawa fic#oikawa tooru
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for the 500 words DVD commentary!! your fic Teach Me About Love is one of my fav merthur fics I've ever read, so I'm choosing that one first!
“Professor Pendragon.”
“Emrys.” Arthur replies as they pass one another. He sounds unimpressed, and when Merlin glances back, he sees that Arthur has turned to walk backwards so they can keep talking amongst the bustle of students and staff in the university building hall. Classes have just ended, new ones are beginning, and everyone is hurrying to be where they are supposed to; yet Arthur slows dramatically to linger and speak with Merlin in the crowded hall. “Ever think about changing that ridiculous name?”
Merlin hears a gasp and glances over to where three students, two girls and a boy (who he later learns are called Mithian, Elena and Daegal) are standing outside his classroom, waiting for the class currently in there (which is running late, as usual) to leave. He takes the excuse to stop and face his co-worker more fully. “Better than Pendragon.”
A couple of familiar faces that are passing snort and giggle knowingly. Merlin recognizes Vivian, a student from his class last year, and shoots her a smile which she returns.
Arthur narrows his eyes at him, ignoring the students while they banter, as he always does. “Oh really.”
Merlin grins. “Better hurry to your office hours. You wouldn’t want to keep your empty office waiting.”
Arthur’s expression turns into a glare. “I’ll have you know I get plenty of visitors during office hours-”
“Not as many as me.” Merlin replies cheerily just as the other class is finally dismissed and frees up his room. “Now if you’ll excuse me, Mr. Pendragon, some of us have more than one class to teach in a day.”
Arthur splutters (“I teach two!”) before turning to Merlin’s trio of wide-eyed students. The poor things. It’s their first day of the year and Arthur and Merlin are probably scaring the pants off them.
It doesn’t make Merlin feel guilty enough to stop, but it does give him a bit of sympathy for them.
“Don’t listen to a word this man says. I promise, almost every word out of his mouth is rubbish.”
Merlin laughs. “Have a good day Pendragon.”
He hears Arthur’s grumble as he sweeps into the room ahead of his students, some of whom are looking between him and Arthur with furrowed expressions. Merlin pays that no mind though, already shifting focus to his lesson for the day.
“Right.” He says brightly once the students have settled and his projector is running with his slides ready to show the notes. “Who’s ready to talk about Western Civilization?”
Oh I’m SO happy you chose this one <3 it was so much fun to write and one of the only oneshots I’ve done recently, something I should really try and fix soon cause I wrote it a while ago now
Alright so the idea from the fic came when you, Tay, messaged me late one night being like ‘okay so hear me out, I have this professor AU idea for SamBucky.’ And I read your text and was like WOW, a professor AU sounds super freaking brilliant, I wanna do one! And at the time I was in a huge Merthur mood, so lo and behold, this fic was born. I was so inspired I wrote, edited and posted this baby in like, three days. So you are literally the person to thank for this one
So this scene in particular was one of the earliest scenes in the fic, and with this one I thought it would be fun if it’s a thing among the first years to see Merlin and Arthur playfully bantering back and forth, and initially the students think it’s real animosity but eventually they just figure out they’re flirting, BUT the students don’t know they’re married the whole time. So in the fic the students lowkey ship Merthur and keep dropping hints that the two of them should figure things out and date. Because this was one of the first scenes it’s one of those things that if you finish the fic and go back and read it makes sense why they’re insulting each others last names (bc they want the other person to change their name after they get married) but to the innocent first year students it just looks like they’re just finding any silly little thing they can to insult each other
The reason I included the office hours dig is because I have never once, in my entire five years at university, visited a professor for office hours and I don’t know anybody who visits any professors regularly. Especially a lot of the professors I’ve had, I just can’t imagine them getting a lot of visitors, so I thought that would be a bit of a touchy subject to Arthur bc his character just seems like the type to be sad students don’t come and visit a lot to chat :(
Same with the students and Merlin waiting in the hall for the class before them to leave the room- this happened to me ALL the time at university when classes ran over their time limits, so my classmates and I would just awkwardly stand against the hall walls until the class before us left and we could sit down, and most of the time our professor came and just had to stand with us
Honestly just writing these two in a university setting was SO much fun and it’s a verse that I wouldn’t be against revisiting if inspiration ever strikes me
For anyone interested in reading the rest of the fic you can find it here
Put a 500 word fic passage in my inbox and I’ll give you a DVD commentary analysis!
#ask games#thanks for the ask tay#<3#i'm really so so happy you chose this fic#also i just realized i never gifted it to you??#i totally meant to#so i am off to go and do that#taylor tag#everyone else pls feel free to ask about any fics you like
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I hope I'm not bothering you, so feel free to ignore this, but I yearn to know: if you had full creative control of the show, how would you run season 5? You can pick and choose whatever leaks you want to include.
So it's better late than never. Seriously for don't answer before and make you wait I didn't forget it I just this was more difficult than I expected every time I saw the white page on my computer I didn't felt the inspiration or have the energy to do it but it's 3 am, I can't sleep sooooo
let's started:
*jughead won't be alcoholic
*Veronica isn't married
*that awful song doesn't exist, that dint happen was just a collective nightmare instead veronica sings "I kissed a girl" to betty bcs I want to.
* maybe is unpopular but I'm not excited for the idea of all working on the high school post-time jump give me glee flashbacks and I hate it.
* I will ignore all the new interviews, stills, spoilers. I choose delusion.
* I use the phrase "rebuild the truth" a lot
Even when I hate it I will give more priority to the cheating storyline and the arcs of the characters how this will affect not only their relationship romantic/friendship. I would put a really heart-heart conversation between Jarchie, Beronica, and Barchie; Ba comes clear apologizing bcs they make a mistake and being sincere with JV. Talking about Ba I dig more into their thinking, motivations, and feelings for both, Give to Archie his point of view and give MORE priority to the core 4 trauma and how they deal with it. And then try to figure out how it could move the plot of the mystery like maybe when Jughead finds out about the kiss he tries to distract himself and go more into the mystery as we see before.
Archie's having the things clear in the end but Veronica choosing herself first and deciding that break up would be the best even when it would hurt both.
I would show a bit of their life's out on Riverdale
Just to the end of the episode, there's some reason everybody comes back to the town probably related to the death (I still think that pops will die).
Veronica would be a successful businesswoman, she is an icon in New York and dates a beautiful woman called Rebbeca but when veronica decides to come back to RVD they break up, bcs Rebecca wants to take a time to work on herself, and Veronica comebacks to Riverdale to take control again of pops and start to work with Tabitha remodeling pops maybe and maybe try to become it a franchise.
I'm not sure what I would do with Archie but the writers either, so I'll keep the firefighter storyline but he would use a shirt all the time bcs I'm tired of seeing KJ on shirtless (at this point is every man of this show) also he will take total control of Fred's construction company.
Veronica contracts Fred's company and varied start to spend more and more time together and try to be just friends while finding their way back to each other and obviously angsty, pining, longing maybe a bit more of angsty and Pining Archie fight for V love.
I'll give Toni the screentime that she deserves and let her shine for herself I would like that the show makes justice to the choni/Toni storyline this season but I learn don't get my hope up with this show focusing on the Toni family and her backstory more and making her an individual character again. I'll love to see more musicals moments Vannesa and drew singing together, and Toni and fangs being on a band give to me now.
I think first I will talk about ba and then about betty.
Love triangle: No más eso no sirve.
So I will end with that before time jump they will still felt guilty and regretful for hurt JV and lose them. Archie always be the boy that betty dreamed of for too long and Bettys will always have on Archies heart also they don't idealize each other anymore but still, they will love each other but in a different way.I'm not against the show exploring new relationships and least to betty dating someone else I always expected that the writers will explore ba at some point, I just expected something different, so I'm not against ba dating post time jump for any reason that the writers could think but the thing I would do its ba talking about their feelings for one another, discussing how to live could've been if he never rejected her (not so much bcs Jason was already death, anyways) make a what-if episode/ or an Au episode where Archie don't reject betty but ultimately in that episode it is shown that they are better off as friends & that the road not taken still would lead to bugvarchie.
One thing that I love about the s1 is that in a way or another everybody was involved in the mystery the core 6 with Toni and the serpents could be a good way to get information. One of the points of the season will be the redemption and the rebuild of the seasons so I will go to a semi-slow-burn with the friendships of the shows, I never feel what I supposed to feel for Jarchie but one of the things that I love about some fics saw the rebuild of beronica friendship so I would put so much effort on that and put more moments when we could appreciate the friendship of the core 4 to make it feel more genuine. Veronica will forgive Betty when seeing how much betty misses her and try to fix the things between them.
As a lot of people do I think that bughead won't break up pre-time jump, Jughead will forgive betty and they will try a long-distance relationship I would like to say that they will leave the cheating behind we would see them being happy and walking to the sunset and live happily ever after but a cheating storyline for them breaking up for the distance doesn't feel good to me so the cheating will affect their relationship and they will try to get over it but it will be a little factor+ the distance and all the responsibilities that have on the university combined make them realize that the timing isn't right, time apart for growing individually, met other people, so they talk about and decide that break up is the best and have a friendly break up.
I think that betty would meet a lot of people some serious relationships other not so serious she will meet some idiots sadly wemet some idiots (that she later will tell veronica and they would laugh together about the looser that stood up Betty and didn't see her on that beautiful readdress) and some really nice guys, Charmings that will care about her and he will want her but sadly the things won't work out.
Betty being an FBI agent I'm in, betty being a full badass I'm in, her struggling to follow the rules of the FBI I'm in that's the betty that we love. I have not problems with our favs having difficult times I would keep him having writers' block but not one hit writer I will go to him having problems to find the inspiration to write the end of the story that he starts a long time ago.
And for Jessica even when I would like to see jealous betty it seems that every relationship at the beginning of the time jump its borrow time and that's unfair for her so they will be together like 2 or 3 eps max, I think Jughead will love her but on a different way that he loves betty and their relationship seems that isn't on a good moment since the beginning so betty being again on jughead life will be just little factor on their relationship
I would put betty investigating the disappearance of Polly and jughead with the Mothman they investigating in different paths until the next episode to see that their investigation is related and start to work together. I'm here to see bughead being single for a time, see their relationships as friends then I will go to the undercover/fake dating/kissing for a cover route I will go for angst, the pining, jealousy, Longing looks, and denial of their feelings and there would be conflict both being scare pf their feelings, let the walls that the build after years being apart down until they can hide the fact that never stop loving to each other.
Also, I add this of last moment while we explore bughead future I would show more about bughead backstory, go more into their friendship and pre-pilot relationship, they reading together young Jughead pining for young betty I'm a sucker for that.
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Re: your sorting by kudos post: What would you say are the telltale signs of a juvenile writing style? I'm not asking to start a wank or anything. I worry a lot that my writing is very juvenile but I can't really pinpoint the reasons (and how to fix it). So it'd be helpful to learn what people define it as, if you feel like sharing.
I think the thing to remember is that everyone has different opinions and preferences, particularly when it comes to fanfic. Like a lot of people don’t care about how something is written and just want to read the characters or the trope, and that’s okay! I’m particularly fussy, which probably is because I read a lot of fic in a lot of fandoms, as well as reading published works, so I only give my time to works I appreciate the writing style of. I am not everybody
It also doesn’t really matter what your writing style is like if your main motivation is yourself. If you’re wanting more or better feedback, or to improve overall then I guess the best advice I can give you is get an editorial beta you trust, who has specific preferences for what you’re trying to achieve, and isn’t afraid to provide feedback that might be confronting (the first few times can definitely be a bruise to the ego no matter how tough you are).
I’m happy to share though, but I’m putting it under a cut because I don’t want to just dump stuff without any explanation or context. This list has a lot of crossover with the one I shared yesterday of ‘words/phrases that make me click out of a fic’
Tone
This is so hard to explain, but there’s always a certain tone that some stories have that put me off that specifically make it lack maturity. I think maybe it’s a combination of a lot of what I get into below, as well as word choice and character interpretation and the type of descriptive language.
Passive voice
This is the number one (specific) thing for me that grinds my gears, and I’m still often guilty of it, and have trying really hard to stamp out my urges for years now. Learn to identify it, and if you’re not sure how then I would recommend Hemingway (this will also help with the next one)
Adverb abuse
Ohhhh adverbs, how I hate you. Use them sparingly. If you find yourself using qualifiers in any way, take another look at the sentence and see if there’s another way you can structure it.
Simple errors like using the wrong their/there/they’re
Then/than and your/you’re, and incorrect phrases like ‘for all intensive purposes’ instead of ‘for all intents and purposes’.
Bad grammar
Kind of obvious for this list, and the best way to know if it’s something you need to address anything ask a good writer you trust for their honest opinion.
POV changes in the middle of a segment
Self explanatory, but you need to identify a point of view change with a break. I use
...
Because it clearly indicates a new scene
Tense issues
Triple check your work to make sure your tense is consistent. Know what tense you’re writing in before you start and stick to it to make this easier. I recently wrote a story in past-tense when I normally write in present and I had to go over it four times before I caught all the fuck ups!
Dialogue tags and the need to describe the tone of voice
I mean things like ‘she murmured’ and ‘he smirked’. Just say ‘said’, or use an action or beat. You don’t need to use dialogue tags at all sometimes, particularly if you’re in a snappy exchange between the only two characters speaking, as your paragraphs will help define who’s turn it is.
I went to thesaurus.com and I found this
Thesaurus.com is very useful, I always have a tab open. But only use it when you know there’s a synonym and it just won’t come to your fingers. Never use words you don’t really know the definition of, and try and use the simplest one rather than something that makes you sound intelligent.
Choosing words that fandom loves
I mean stuff like ‘carded hands through hair’ and ‘ostensibly’. There are a lot of words out there that I have rarely come across in published fiction that seem to pop up half of fanworks often multiple times!
Not understanding how punctuation works
Too many commas, not enough commas, using quotation marks incorrectly, never ending a sentence. Putting apostrophes in the right place. Trying to cram in a semicolon to look smart. Makes a story hard to read.
and while I’m on the subject
Exclamation marks!
IDK why but they really do make a piece lack maturity. Describe the vocal tone instead and boost your wordcount in the process.
Not understanding how formatting works
Paragraph spacing is so important. Make sure your story has a gap below each one otherwise your readers’ eyes never get a break.
Having characters ‘come up for air’ after a kiss and other egregious examples of bad kissing
That’s not how kissing works! If this is how someone kisses they’re a bad kisser! Kisses have plenty of moments where your lips aren’t touching, and even then you have a nose, unless your character only breathes through their mouth then this shouldn’t have to happen.
‘Tongues battling for dominance’ or anything adjacent to that trope, as well. ‘Licking into mouths’ etc.
Draco in leather pants
And I don’t mean literally, I mean in the trope sense. This is when your canonically villainous character is so cool and sexy it’s silly to the point of cringe. I would say this also applies to any character, regardless of alignment.
A more productive way to put this is let your characters be real rather than one dimensional.
Smut faux pas
I have a lot of things that put me off when reading smut, but when talking about maturity specifically, there are a few things that make me feel like I’m reading something written by a fourteen year old
Precum - IDK if I’m weird, but I have never noticed it. Seems very fandom specific to point it out, but I also don’t read published romance novels so I could be wrong. Regardless, it just seems like a weird thing to point out to me
Floral language for genitals (length, slit, heat etc) - Just say dick or vag. Cunt, penis, cock, pussy if your’e not a hater, say those. Don’t say ‘member’.
Screaming orgasms. Please no. I mean you might have a reason for one of your characters to scream but maybe don’t say ‘scream’? IDK it’s just weird.
No foreplay - Unless the scene has a specific reason, the peen should not go straight inside the crotch region
Character/ship bashing
This is kind of self explanatory, but obvious and over the top character bashing is something we all did as teenagers, and tells me someone is still in that mindset.
Sidenote: never tag ships you’re portraying in a negative light unless this is specifically what the story is about, and even then think really hard about it. Put it in the additional tags section instead. Seeing something with a summary titled ‘jane is the worst but john can’t see it until peter saves him’ as jane/john and peter/john is a dingdingdingding do not click moment for me
Typos and errors in the summary
If you have summary issues, then you’ll get fewer clicks as people will often assume the worst.
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The Phoenix and the Dragon
Yet again we've arrived at Ulquihime week! Gotta confess I'm not much of a Christmas person but I do look forward to December for my OTP week. Everyone puts so much love and effort into their entries that it's hard not to be excited. Okay so today's theme is Crossover and I wanted to pick something that wasn't likely to be repeated by someone else, so leave it to my nostalgic mind to go 'What about a Winx Club crossover?' Thus here we are! This little one-shot is based on one of my fave childhood shows and one of the first villain ships I ever had. (Yes, my 10-year-old self hardcore shipped Darkar & Bloom) 😅 Hope you like it! (Spoilers for some aspects of season 2 of Winx Club. I'm taking from the 4kids version of the show and Nickelodeon special btw. And some mild spoilers for the second movie.)
Also for those who do know the winx cast and want to know who is who in the crossover here it is.
Orihime- Bloom
Ulquiorra- Darkar/Avalon
Tatsuki- Stella
Shizuka- Layla
Ichigo- Prince Sky
Isshin- Errendor
Sora- Daphne
Unohana- Faragonda
Okay now that's all set, here's the fic!
@ulquihimeweek
Ulquihime Week- Day 1 Crossover
The Phoenix and the Dragon
Orihime awoke in a dimly lit room. She didn't remember much, just going into Professor Schiffer's office and then...'And then he changed and turned into the Phoenix.'
"I can sense you. Just come out of the shadows already." She muttered.
Ulquiorra obliged, no longer looking like a human but in his true form as the Shadow Phoenix.
To her he didn't look much different, his skin was paler but his other features remained the same. He had large dark wings and a tail, along with tear markings.
"I should've known it was you. We get warmed about a Shadow Phoenix and next thing we know a new professor shows up at our school."
He chuckled. "Yes well, that didn't occur to you as we bonded, Ms. Inoue."
She lowered her head in shame. Since Ulquiorra arrived at Alfea he had become her favorite teacher, and even offered to teach her about her home kingdom, Sparx, which had been destroyed when she was just a baby.
"Is that why you brought me here? To taunt me?!"
"No, darling. I have other plans for you. Or should I say us?"
"I'll never collaborate with you!"
"You say that now, but you might change your mind after I explain my plans to you."
She frowned, but at the moment there was nothing she could do. Orihime sighed. "Fine. I suppose I can listen to you for a while."
"I appreciate it. First I must ask you something. What do you know about me, Orihime Inoue? Who do you think I am?"
"Headmistress Retsu told us you were once human. That you came to the underealm to try and find the shadow fire, but that it's power consumed you and that now you're seeking to take over the magic universe.
I also know that you came to our school and posed as a professor until now..."
"The headmistress is a wise woman, studious too since she appears to know my origins well, the one commonly excepted that is."
"What do you mean?"
"Indeed, I was once human, that I came here to study the Shadow Fire, but it's power didn't overtake me. For you see, I willingly submitted to it. I'm the one in control, always have been. And while I do wish to take over the magic dimension it is not for my own gain."
"Why else would you want to take over?"
"I want this dimension to change. I want to tear down the structures that bind its kingdoms. I've wanted that since I was a human.
You see, darling, the structures of this dimension are so very ancient and so very obsolete. The squabbles between kingdoms have led to so much war, to destruction, to sadness... Just look at what happened to Sparx."
"My kingdom was destroyed by the ancient witches. Not by war."
"You're right, but your kingdom had a close ally. An ally that should've saved you from the witches, yet instead bargained to have them take your kingdom and spare them. The king of Eraklyon made said bargain."
Orihime grew dizzy. 'No, no it can't be! Ichigo's father wouldn't do that! This is a lie!"
"You think I'm lying, don't you?"
"Of course you're lying! King Isshin wouldn't do that, neither would Ichigo!"
"Analyze the situation, darling. Eraklyon was your closest ally, and yet they didn't suffer any damage as Sparx was destroyed. Your parents vanished, your brother died saving you, your planet is now an icy wasteland. Yet Eraklyon stands as the richest land in Magix. As for your little prince, he was merely a child when this took place, but I don't doubt he'd keep it a secret from you, he has done so before."
Orihime felt as if her skin was catching fire. She hated to be reminded of that lie, to think back when Ichigo had hidden his royal lineage and engagement to a princess. She'd forgiven him, of course, and they were a couple once again, but deep inside she still distrusted him. And a part of her did think Ulquorra's words were true.
'Maybe that's why his father disapproved of us. Not because I'm a princess of a destroyed kingdom, but because my kingdom's destruction was partly his fault...'
"You see, darling. That's only one example of plenty I can give you. All of these realms need someone truly wise to rule them."
"Even if I believed you, that doesn't mean I'll join you. I don't want to kill anyone."
"Who said anything about killing? There are plenty of ways to dethrone a ruler. That's what I crave to do darling. Imagine it, a dimension without destroyed kingdoms, without arranged marriages, without squabbles for the throne. We'd be the only rulers, the royals would be our regents, they'd have to abide by what we demand."
Ulquiorra's eyes glowed green as he spoke. She had seen him like that before in his humanoid form. His eyes always sparkled as he thought her class about History and asked them to be part of the change.
"Ulquiorra, I think it's wonderful that you're trying to make the universe better, but I fail to see why would want me to join you. I'm no leader."
Orihime felt Ulquiorra's cold hand gently lift her chin. "Orihime, you're the only person I've ever met worthy of wearing such a crown.
The reason I posed as a teacher at Alfea wasn't to further my plans, or to steal the codex but to observe you. In just a few months you made such great progress that I couldn't help but be convinced you were worthy of sharing my crown, of carrying the dragon flame, of ruling over Magix.
You came from Earth yet quickly adapted to this dimension, to its power and its costumes. You're kind, fierce, strong, I couldn't ask for a better queen."
He noticed Orihime's pale skin turn bright red, and her sliver eyes grow misty. "No one's ever really praised me like that. Thank you."
He smirked. "I'll be sure to do so more often in the future then."
With a snap of Ulquiorra's fingers, her bounds disappeared. Orihime stood up, directly facing Ulquiorra.
He took her hands in his and directly stared into her eyes, silver meeting emerald. "Orihime Inoue, will you join me in my quest to bring peace and order to the magic dimension?"
It wasn't easy, she didn't want to leave her friends, her school, or even Ichigo. Even after what she learned it felt wrong to vanish without a word.
'But it must be done. Tatsuki-chan will be free to choose who she marries, Nemu-san won't be forced to follow the path her father wants for her, Shizuka-chan won't have to take the throne of the harmonic nebula...even Ichigo would now be free to make his own choices. This would be for the best.'
With a beautiful smile and newfound determination, Orihime finally responded. "Yes, I will."
"Then it is done, our power is now bound."
She could feel a surge of dark magic taking over, but it wasn't unpleasant. Her characteristic blue fae dress was now black and her fairy wings had turned grey. Orihime also noticed Ulquiorra's form slightly changed, his dark wings now had accents of green and he resembled his humanoid form a little more.
"It's the bond." He told her after noticing her confusion. "Light cannot exist without dark and vice versa. As such my darkness had to take some of your light and your light had to take some of my darkness."
Shadow Fire & Dragon Fire were united at last. Orihime was certain that now she and Ulquiorra would be unstoppable. 'We'll fix everything soon.'
"What shall we do now?"
"Since I've acquired all the pieces of the codex, I was thinking we could go to the Relix dimension. Your parents might've vanished there after the destruction of Sparx."
"My parents...I never thought it'd be possible to reach them."
"It is, my darling. We'll bring them back and then return Sparx to its former glory. After that, we can finally reshape the magic dimension into what it should've been from the beginning."
For the first in a long while, Orihime felt like she was doing things right. It would take her friends some time to forgive her, but she knew in time she would join them again. 'I'm doing this for all of us. For me, and for him.'
She gently kissed Ulquiorra's cheek, he blushed at the gesture. "I was not expecting that."
"I'm still a little miffed at you for pretending to be a professor but if we're to be in harmony as rulers this is a good place to start."
"Then I guess I should do my part too."
Ulquiorra wrapped his arm around her waist and gave her a passionate kiss. Orihime quickly blushed and playfully shoved him as he let go of her.
"Show off."
"Guilty as charged."
"Y'know, I remember seeing paintings back on earth with dragons and phoenixes together as a couple. Do you think that was a prediction?"
"It could be, after all, the most enduring romances are likely to echo through many universes."
#uhweek2020#ulquihime#orihime x ulquiorra#Ulquiorra Schiffer#Orihime Inoue#Day 1: Crossover#Winx Crossover AU
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