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hazbinfallinginaspiral · 2 days

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All yours (Be a Doll)

CW: lover obsession, dependency, possessiveness, objectification (to some extent), hints towards previous events such as mind control, abuse, brainwashing, torture and the like, Valentino mentioned, Vox is a little shit (he’s in hell for a reason), AU typical events.

Note: Vox is manipulative, possessive, jealous, impulsive, controlling, and harsh in this AU. He can be extremely violent towards reader, and is consistently abusing them either way. He is not a good person! In this specific post, doll!reader is giving in to his constant abuse and manipulation, giving into him. This isn’t a good thing! It’s important to remember that I’m writing it from doll!readers point of view, and as time passes, they are less and less likely to resist or see much of anything wrong with anything in this situation or Vox’s behavior, simply due to the constant exposure to it. Vox ends up convincing them it’s natural, so from their point of view, it can sometimes be portrayed as such. That doesn’t make it objectively right. If anyone is sensitive to or may have a negative reaction from these topics, I recommend clicking away now.

Summary: Doll!reader is having a bad day at the tower. It’s towards the start of the AU timeline, when Vox first gets them, and they’re still adjusting. They go to him for help and comfort, despite how he’s abused them.

I tentatively stepped into his office, tears pricking my eyes. I wiped them away and composed myself. He hadn’t called me in, I’d come on my own. I needed him right now. I was having a horrible day, I felt worthless, I needed to be his. I needed to have some sort of meaning, some familiarity. I needed him.

“Vox?” I asked quietly, stepping closer.

He turned around in his seat, looking a bit surprised. “Doll? What are you doing here?”

“Can I… please..?” I hesitated and looked away, biting my lip. I’d never asked this before. I just… I needed to be near him right now.

“Come on, doll,” he said with a chuckle. He smiled, taking on a more casual demeanor, but there was a glint of curiosity in his eyes. “You know I can’t do anything if you don’t tell me what you want.” Why had I come? He probably hadn’t expected me to seek him out.

“I… I want…” I looked down, fidgeting relentlessly with my hands, picking at my skin. A bad habit of mine. I scratched and picked until I drew some blood, then sighed. Why was this so hard? “I want…” I trailed off, then took a deep breath. “I want to be yours.”

“You were meant to be mine,” he replied, nonchalant. As if it were the most natural thing in the world. It felt right. “You are mine, aren’t you?” I nodded, and he waved me over with a smug grin. “Come here,” he said. I took a step forward and he pulled me into his lap. “You’re such a pretty little thing.”

“All yours,” I said softly, leaning into his touch. I wanted to be near him right now. He was my only source of comfort. I needed him. “Please. I’m all yours.”

“I know,” he said. He nuzzled his head against my neck, but in such a way that the corners of his screen left scratches. I didn’t even flinch. This was affection from him, and any sort of attention or affection from him was rare. I needed this, and I was going to savor it. “You want something else, don’t you? Go on, say it.”

“I…”

He gripped me tighter. “Spit it out, doll.” The pain that flooded though me was a strange sort of comfort. I sighed with relief. I was still here, I was still real, I was still alive.

“Please,” I said, leaning into him completely. I gave him a small kiss, and looked up at him. “I want to be your doll.”

“There we go,” he said with a grin. He dug his claws deeper, then bit my neck. I didn’t protest like I typically would. I sat there, compliant, taking it all in. For me, each sensation was a reminder that I was still me. I didn’t mind the pain so long as it reassured me I was real. “I love you,” he said, pulling away. He set me aside, and I felt a sense of panic rising in my throat.

No, no, no, no! I had just gotten his affection, I needed more. I couldn’t lose his attention now. I needed him. “I want to be yours,” I said again, my voice a little strained. I looked at him, desperate, and got closer without needing any instruction. “Please.” I touched him, without asking, without needing to be told. I tugged on his sleeve, needing his attention. I climbed onto his lap despite the fact he’d just pushed me off, desperate. “I was meant to be yours.”

“You were meant to be mine,” he repeated. He narrowed his eyes, thinking for a moment, as he ran his fingers through my hair. “I am all that you need.”

“Yeah,” I said quickly, with a nod. I leaned in, agreeing, appeasing him. “Please, please, I need to be yours.”

“You”re joking,” he said, raising an eyebrow. A test. “Shouldn’t you hate me, doll?”

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. I shook my head and held onto him tight. “I don’t hate you.”

“Interesting,” he said. He smiled and wrapped an arm around my waist. “You’re telling me, that despite everything… goddamnit doll, I electrocuted you, I tortured you, I used you! I have no care for how you feel, and I’ve abused you constantly since the moment we first met, and you’re saying you want me? You want to be mine?” He laughed at the absurdity of it all.

“I don’t just want it, I need it,” I said, looking up at him directly. “Please, I need you. I need to be yours, I was meant to be yours, I need to be yours, please. Please.”

“Please,” he repeated. He examined me for a moment, and his thoughtful expression shifted. He smiled wide, and brought me closer. He moved me around, played with me, tugged my hair, pulled at my clothes. “And this is fine with you?” I made no move to resist. In fact, I was moving along with his touch, trying to anticipate what he’d do next so I could make it easier. “You like this?”

“I need you,” I said softly. He stopped for a moment, and I rested my head against his chest. “Please. I’m nothing without you. I need you.”

“Damn right,” he muttered, a smile on his face as he wrapped his arms around me. He brought me as close to him as possible, holding me tight. “You’re mine, doll. Don’t you forget it.”

“I won’t,” I said, nuzzling up against him. “I need you.”

“You need me,” he agreed. He was still smiling to himself. God, it’d been so easy to break me, hadn’t it? Just a bit of torture and mind control, some brainwashing… he had anticipated needing to bring Valentino in for more training, but that didn’t even seem necessary anymore. Sure, there’d be some hiccups, but now? I was here, I had chosen to come into his office, chosen to sit with him, and I had chosen to dedicate myself to him. “You need me, you were meant to be mine. You are nothing without me, got that?”

“Yes, sir,” I said with a nod.

“Good,” he said. “You’ll be mine, then.”

“All yours.”

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox #vox #writing #vox x reader #my writing #vox fanfiction #vox hazbin hotel

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waitmyturtles · 14 hours

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Unknown: The Final Episodes (Episodes 10, 11, and 12)

(*CAVEAT!!!!* I wrote this screed before the producers of Unknown cut a different version of episode 11. I have only watched the first version, the version that the Taiwanese BL gods had originally intended us to watch, hmph. My commentary below only reflects my thoughts on this first version. I'm gonna allow myself to be old and crabby and say, "BAH! We didn't revise episodes back in *mah* day!" to excuse myself from watching it and I'm an old mom, I have no fuckin' time to watch a revise, so so sorry fam lmaooo ok byeeeee)

So -- I'll repeat what I think a lot of us have thought about the final arcs of Unknown, and where I could have used more of the delicate, thoughtful exploration about family roles and boundaries that the first nine episodes of this show displayed. These are the elements that drew me to the show, as well as Yuan's general spiciness and empathic intelligence towards Qian.

Anyone who reads around here knows that themes that I'm driven by include Asian intergenerational trauma and Asian family systems and dynamics. This show (here, here, and my tag) -- oh lordo, this show tackled expected, internalized, and externalized roles and responsibilities within families head-the-fuck-on, at least for the first nine episodes.

Let me state the obvious first: this show veered off the highway a bit too early to demonstrate that, WOW, Qian really is the

HORNIEST MAN ALIVE, WOW, EVER --

(dang dude, you really needed to get down EARLIER and MORE OFTEN, because that IN-OFFICE AFTERGLOW, MY MAN, like, listen, I'm down for the post-nut vibes! all support and celebration and respect, but also, we need to delegate these tasks, we're on the clock, you are a co-owner of this company, back to work! chop-chop)

and MAN, could I have used a quick wave of a flag or hand that his deficit for love, care, and tenderness would hit at THAT SPECIFIC angle (HEH HEH) so very quickly and VERY INTENSELY at the start of episode 11. That took me out. I had to just scream at @lurkingshan. I watched that episode IN PUBLIC, PEOPLE!

We were missing some steps there. It was a FABULOUS actual love scene. But I could have used more of

1) Yuan contemplating the reality of what was going to go down BEFORE that scene began, and

2) To see Qian enter that moment as well. Instead, we hit the sheets, and had to process that very intense scene WITH flashbacks, which, whew, was a whole thing, all while I was just kinda literally screaming.

Those flashbacks were supposed to tell me that Qian had come to terms with Yuan's lifelong longing, but the down-dirty confirmed that for me before I was ready to get to the same mindset that Qian had started that scene with. The very important timing and pacing of the emotional exploration and reveals that we had been presented with in the previous episodes was jettisoned for the booty.

So, yeah. That was out of order.

What I also missed in these episodes was, as I stated earlier, the previous and very intentional exploration of family roles and boundaries that this show was playing with prior to the last three episodes.

With this emotional line concluding in episode 10, Qian showed us consistently that his struggle with negotiating his older-brother-and-fatherly responsibilities was his biggest burden, alongside the lifelong processing of the abuse he had received at the hands of his mother, and his further processing of her death.

Qian and Yuan get together in episode 11, literally go out on a date, and Qian woos Yuan.

Qian's continued resistance to being open about his health to Yuan is extremely reminiscent of a parent (I think of Asian parents, but I think this is common to global parenthood) hiding a health status from a child. This part of the story was still an important one. Qian was STILL holding onto his understanding of his responsibilities to Yuan and Lili as a parent/older sibling figure. If he didn't get out of that surgery in perfect condition, he worried about their futures -- regardless of the facts that Yuan was self-sufficient, and Lili was both self-sufficient and supported by a loving partner. Because that's how so many parents are: no matter the stability of their children, parents will see children as their children.

What I liked about this storyline, and what I could have used a bit more of (ideally in an extra episode) WAS HOW YUAN'S FAMILY ROLE CHANGES AUTOMATICALLY BY BECOMING QIAN'S PARTNER.

Lili calls Yuan a "sister-in-law," but he also becomes a

brother-in-law, AND a stepdad, AND THEN ALSO BECOMES A VERY NOT TECHNICAL GRANDPA, ALONG WITH GRANDPA/UNCLE/OLDER BROTHER QIAN

AND, AND!

We see Yuan THEN CARING FOR QIAN as the younger brother he's always been, AND

AS QIAN'S PARTNER

which they're calling wife or sister-in-law in the show, which, bleh to gendered terms, but

THEY WERE GOING THERE WITH YUAN

but we didn't get enough of it.

THAT IS A HUGE CHANGE FOR YUAN.

HE IS EQUAL NOW!

We just didn't get enough exploration there. Because the show was centering Qian's narrative (which I don't blame the show for at all), and mans was in his post-boop vibe the whole time, that we didn't sit enough with the changing of these roles FOR THESE TWO MEN, and while Lili hinted at it, I would have liked just a few more minutes at the macro-high level to explore what this meant for this entire, wonderful family unit. This is just huge Asian family dynamics stuff regarding who has power, and how that impacts how Qian interacts with Yuan, how Qian has to internally process the growth of his "child," as it were, to be LITERALLY EQUAL to him as his partner; and also for Lili to contemplate as she regards Yuan now as someone partnered with her caretaker. Yuan now would kind of step into that role, as well. THAT'S HUGE for dynamics changing and rebuilding.

Let's also remember that San Peng transcends these boundaries, too, but it's a bit easier for him, because he hasn't lived in that house. But he's the family's benefactor, in a way, which both Yuan and Lili acknowledge. And his turning into a partner into the family is also a significant boundary-crossing.

Finally, Qian's concern for Lili. Yes, he was concerned for her career. He didn't want Lili to turn out like his mom.

I would have liked to have proof in that concern, literally. I say this as a mom.

Qian was missing something big. Lili's baby was going to be born into a nice big family unit that Qian was the creator and anchor of.

At least they had Qian and Yuan sitting on baby toys to end the series. Lili, truly, had nothing to worry about. The gay uncle-grandpas were going to be there to help raise the baby, because as an Asian viewer, I am going to assume the extended family's participation

(NOT ASSISTANCE! ACTIVE PARTICIPATION!)

in the raising of that child.

I'm not sure why Qian missed that, except for the very real reason of familial PTSD and intergenerational trauma from his mother. But San Peng was right there as Lili's partner and as the actual dad. And Qian was valid to have a concern. But that could have been a moment where Yuan, also, as a new equal "elder" of this newly readjusted family, could have reassured everyone that this baby was going to be born in a wonderful, close-knit, loving extended family.

These readjusted roles were not fully named and explored. If I were Lili, I know I'd be having that baby in the good hands of all of the men around me that would help me raise the kiddo in a happy and supportive environment.

One more point about the baby. We need more babies in BLs. We need to show men becoming fathers, people becoming parents. This is a right that all people have. We need more of it to emphasize that all people are deserving of the families that they want to create -- and truly, it was so BEAUTIFULLY SYMBOLIC that Qian would be such a good caretaker as to be blessed with further generations, because he literally cared so well for Yuan and Lili that they could bless him back with growing the family he tended to. We just didn't get enough sitting with that.

Finally! TF was up with that office vibe in the end. The tops, the bottoms, the public kissing. That we got that instead of the role explorations -- k, but the tone of all that was a little off, if it was meant to be comedic. And yes, I definitely took away that I was meant to ship Dr. Lin and Le Ge. I have NO IDEA why they were talking otherwise. Doc and Don are meant to, ya know, YA KNOW? Right? Ummm, lol.

All of this together is enough to put a touch of a damper on my memories of this show. I didn't end with a high.

But I ABSOLUTELY LOVED what this show accomplished through the first 10 episodes. All these complicated, delicious boundaries and roles and responsibilities being explored! It's a joy, as an Asian, to watch this being explored in a queer Asian show.

We ended on some tropey bumps, but I'm going to remember this show overall with fondness, and I'm ultimately very happy that this was my first Taiwanese BL. I can't wait to catch up in this space more in due time.

#unknown #unknown the series #chris chiu #kurt huang #qian x yuan #yuan x qian #unknown meta #unknown the series meta

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alexihawleys · 8 hours

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What do you make of Tim's behavior in the last few episodes? I feel like he's a totally different person and it's making me sad to see him disrespecting Lucy so much.

just up front: it feels v clear to me that we do not share an opinion on this storyline from the tone of this ask, and so i am going to discuss this but would just like to preface that this is only my opinion and i respect that you/anyone else engaging with this post may have a different one. i am allowed to feel the way i feel, as are you. i am not trying to change or discredit anyone's opinions just because they're different than mine.

that being said - i will be honest with you, i don't really see where he's disrespected lucy. before you (and whoever else is reading this) jump me, let me explain myself.

tim went through something very difficult and traumatic with the resurgence of his wartime trauma and he made the decision not to involve lucy as he navigated said trauma. while it may not have been the best choice for their relationship, tim made the choice he felt was right in the moment. though we may not agree with it as viewers and lucy may not agree with it as tim's partner, he had the right to do that, and he explained to the best of his ability in the moment that he was keeping her out of the situation to ensure she didn't get hurt/her career wasn't impacted.

to me, that didn't feel disrespectful - it felt like tim relying on his tried and true methods of keeping the people he loves safe from him/the potential danger surrounding him. he was working with the tools he had available, even if they may not be the "right" tools for the job.

like, was it fucked that he ignored her for 36 hours? absolutely! that was disrespectful in some ways - but i think if you zoom out a little, it's not right, but it's understandable.

in the end of 5x07, lucy stops tim in the hallway at the station and asks him to talk to her - and i have seen a bunch of people who are really angry about the way tim handled that convo, so i wonder if that's what you mean by disrespect. generally, a few thoughts about that scene:

lucy approached tim hot - which, let me be clear: she had every right to. she was in her feels all day, she had something she wanted to say to him, and she was already a bit revved up coming to him. but she came into that conversation already looking for something specific, where tim was just...guard down, a little goofily happy to see her, probably a little nervous to talk to her at all.

tim wasn't given the opportunity to say much of anything. lucy asked if they could have "an adult conversation" (patronizing, but i don't blame her for it - he deserved that) and when tim explained he "couldn't give her what she wanted", lucy snapped. i understand the snap - i would've done the same - but tim had no space to continue talking there. that wasn't a conversation. lucy got her opportunity to unload on him a bit, which i think she needed. think about the breakup - lucy didn't get the chance to argue a side there, and tim didn't get the chance to argue a side here. they're equal on that kind of convo now, which i find fascinating.

so, is tim being honest with her and saying he can't give her what she needs right now disrespectful? i don't really think so. i think lucy is looking for something that tim can't give her right now - himself. tim has to sort through all his shit before he can be the best version of himself for lucy - in his tim brain, he doesn't think he can support her fully without working on himself first...and honestly? i think that's noble. lucy is far too close to the picture to see that tim has some really big issues he needs to work on outside of the scope of their relationship. i don't blame her for that, but it's just...true.

she can't be the person to help tim find himself at this point in his life. that's not fair to her or their relationship - so i think he's made the right choice here, as much as it hurts both of them.

i would also be remiss if i didn't mention that i think there's a huge part of this situation that lucy still needs to realize is on her. she has problems of her own, too! girl knows she's not perfect - but she has yet to address her own problems, and i think that's such an issue. tim is taking initiative to resolve his problems, even if it's not in a way that she agrees with. lucy isn't. just like their relationship already had issues, lucy has her own set. this wasn't the defining problem - this was just the straw that broke the camel's back in a lot of ways.

i hope this answers your question tbh bc i feel like i just rambled a bunch - but i'm always up to chat about this kind of stuff, so feel free to come back to me with more if i haven't annoyed you too much 😂

#anonymous #ask #chenford #the rookie #sry but also i am not sry #dissenting opinions deserve space too

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nekohime19 · 2 days

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Mini Mac #4 : Lil guy vs storm

Chapter 4 here we go, my finals are almost ending so I have more time now. Mac doesn't do well in storms, luckily he has a local Monkey King ready to make him feel better.

Sun Wukong was by nature a monkey of summer. His undercoat was thin, almost nonexistent, made for heated weather. He was also fond of the sun, not because of some sort of narcissistic tendency, but because he loved to nap in warmed grass. As such, he always thought of the other seasons as the lesser ones, he didn't loathe them per see, but he thought nothing of them. Now though, he was beginning to hate winter, not because of the cold or the shortened days, but because he hadn't seen his lil roommate since winter began.

Macaque was a closeted person, he didn't reveal much about himself, more than once he prefered tricking the sage over engaging in any sort of conversation with him. But still, he at least ate the fruits Sun Wukong left behind for him. Now though, since the beginning of winter, the fruits were left untouched no matter the kind, and no matter where the sage put them. It was as if the lil guy wasn't even leaving the walls of the mansion anymore. Sun Wukong wondered, for a second, if he was in hibernation. He hadn't heard of any sort of monkey needing hibernation, but the world was vast and Macaque was the first of his kind he ever saw. He did know of the existence of little people, the fae-people were reputed to be particularly small, but he never heard of a monkey, specifically, being this small. And he usually knew a lot about monkeys.

The sage was staring at one of his mansion's wall, wondering if Macaque would forgive him if he tore it down. He knew it was dramatic, and that he shouldn't be this worried, but still he couldn't help it. He hated being powerless in the face of his own worry. Sun Wukong sighed and picked up the plum pieces he cut for the lil guy yesterday, they were left untouched. Plums were supposed to be Macaque's favorites, his lil ears always fluttered in joy when he ate a plum, it was disheartening to see the fruit uneated. The sage softly knocked on the wall, trying to reach the black-furred macaque, but like always he was left unanswered. Sun Wukong's gaze fell on the wooden cabinet put beside his wooden bench in one corner of the living room. He knew one of Macaque’s holes, or gates as he called them, was inside the cabinet. They were always in the most shadowed corner of the house, behind furniture or inside a cupboard. The sage had been quite impressed when he discovered such a delicate network of gates inside his own mansion. Of course, Sun Wukong wasn't aware of all the gates inside of his mansion, but he managed to discover a good portion. He was at least partially sure that he knew of all the gates on the first floor.

Sun Wukong bit his lips, some part of him wanted to shrink and slip inside of the wall to search for Macaque, but another part of him frowned in disgust at the idea, not wanting to invade his lil roommate's privacy. He didn't want to ignore Macaque's boundaries, but at the same time he wanted to make sure the other was fine. The sage left after a few minutes of lingering, heart heavy inside of his chest.

He ultimately decided that he would go inside of the walls if he had no sign of life after another week.

He finally saw Macaque four days after, in the dead of the night, during the beginning of a particularly brewing storm. Sun Wukong was in the living room, coddled against his troop as they waited for the storm to end. They created a large nest with all the soft fabrics (not eaten by time) they managed to find. The living room was the largest room of the mansion, mainly because it merged with the adjoining kitchen (there was no wall between both rooms, creating a very vast space). Sun Wukong lifted his head and narrowed his eyes at the kitchen, something was in there. He decided to leave the nest once he saw the very familiar outline of a shadowed body. He passed by the stone table put between the living room and the kitchen and approached the lil guy rummaging through his cupboards.

Of course, it was Macaque. The lil guy wasn't dressed in his usual leaves, instead he was wrapped in a thick reddish fabric, something the sage recognized after a few seconds, it was a piece of the curtain hanging in the east wing of the mansion. He was cutting pieces out of some lingering plums with his claws, and putting them inside of his leaf bag.

Usually Macaque instantly knew when he was approaching, this time though the black-furred monkey didn't even flinch when the sage stepped in the kitchen. Sun Wukong furrowed his eyebrows, confused by the macaque's odd behavior.

“You're okay there lil bud?” Asked Sun Wukong, as quietly as he could to not startle the lil guy and awaken his slumbering troop. Macaque flinched and stilled for a few seconds, he turned towards him with something akin to shame swirling in his eyes. He looked rough, to say the least. His fur was a mess and there was a lingering red in the corners of his eyes.

“Yeah, just hungry.” Mumbled Macaque, he threw a worried glance at one of the nearby windows and fastened his bag, ready to leave. Sun Wukong opened his mouth, ready to hold him back and ask what was wrong but he was cut by the reasoning sound of thunder. The bolt pierced the blackened clouds, bleeding out in the dark night like an infected wound. Sun Wukong watched, stilled, as Macaque whimpered and curled on himself, burying his head in his paws.

“A-are you okay?” This was a stupid question, of course the macaque wasn't okay, he was whimpering. The sage looked around not knowing what to do, for all the tricks and magic he learned under his former master, he never bothered to learn something as inconsequential as healing magic. He greatly regretted that choice now.

The thunder was still exploding in the confine of the sky, Sun Wukong wondered if he could go out and fight it, maybe beating up the god in charge of storms would appease the sky and resolve the situation. He had half the mind to realize this wasn’t a very good idea and, in a spur of impulsivity, scooped up the lil guy and ran towards the west wing. If he remembered correctly, the west wing was the area with the thickest walls in the mansion, he hoped it could muffle the howls of thunder somehow. Macaque was almost weightless inside of his palms, the sage was afraid to break him if he put too much pressure on him.

He barged in the west wing and rushed towards the bed. He passed by the finely carved mahogany tables and carefully put the macaque in the middle of the bed. He grabbed nearby pillows and blankets and arranged them around the lil guy, creating some sort of tangled nest to comfort him. Macaque buried his snout in the blankets, almost slipping under it. Sun Wukong yielded to his instincts after a few minutes and climbed on the bed, curling around the nest protectively. He learned that, as the Monkey King, monkeys tended to feel safe around him, especially when he was curled around them.

Try as he might, the great sage wasn't able to close his eyes the whole night. Some part of him wanted to keep watching Macaque and make sure he was alright, another worried he could roll around in his sleep and accidently crush the lil guy. He never dared touch the black-furred monkey, worried about his boundaries, but cooed and chirped anytime the other whimpered in distress. Eventually, the storm died down and Macaque uncurled, he slowly blinked, eyes glazed over with a veil of tears and looked around him. His eyes widened when they fell upon the sage.

“Hey, you're feeling better?” Asked the King, as softly as he could to not hurt the other sensitive ears.

“Yeah… hm…thanks.” Mumbled the macaque, the tip of his ears reddening in embarrassment.

“Is this why you don't come out in winter? Because of the storms?”

“Maybe… also they're too many people in the house during winter.”

“So why did you come out last night?” Questioned the King, one eyebrow raised.

“I didn't have any plums left and it's…plums are comforting.” Whispered the macaque. “Whatever, I should go.”

“Wait !” Sun Wukong didn't really have anything to say, but he would hate to see the other go this soon. He racked his mind in search of something to say. “You know, if you need help, you can ask me or something. Either for storms, or other things. W-we're neighbors aren't we? Or roommates or something… Point is, I can help you. If you want.”

Macaque looked at him, gaze unreadable, before turning away with furrowed eyebrows, as if he had troubles believing the sage's words.

“I'll… keep it in mind.” Muttered the black-furred monkey before disappearing in a flurry of shadows.

The sage was particularly happy when he found out, later that day, a peach with a hydrangea petal on top of it in the middle of his living room. He was certain those were gifts from the macaque, they had hints of his smell on them after all.

Sun Wukong decided right then that it was the best peach he ever had, more delicious than the immortal ones.

++ idk why making memes for this Au is so funny, it's just is

Mac disappearing the whole winter without warnings :

#shadowpeach #mini mac au #lmk #shadowpeach fanfic #Sun Wukong was ready to fight a storm for his lil roomie #That's hubby material #Plums are Mac comfort food

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triptych-of-voids · 19 days

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What is everyone's preferred meal do you all like take turns making meals and if so is it only dinners and what does each person make for their day I would see you, spy, engi and heavy have to cook the most as the others wouldn't be too great at it.

im not entirely sure what everyones favorite meals are, it seems to change sometimes and depends on the season and time of day too.... but i have a pretty good idea of everyones general likes and dislikes! as for making meals, everyone tends to fend for themselves and make their own food or a few things to share for breakfast and lunch, but we usually all eat dinners together and we do take turns for that. out of everyone i would say engie and heavy do the most cooking (and they do it well! engie will even make breakfast for everyone once in a while!) and i cook sometimes. spy and demo both make excellent food when its their turns but they dont cook as often as you would think. everyone else usually just sticks to helping out or maybe cooking the occasional meal if no one else will.

#i would love to go into specifics but we would be here all day if i did!#i will say heavy seems to prefer making recipes his mother taught him (and theyre generally all very good)#and i wish demo cooked more often because hes actually quite good at it!#but. well. you know aheh..#and the food engie makes is always wonderful #but perhaps im biased #spy always uses very extravagant recipes and he wont cook unless you give him at least a week to prepare for it.... but its usually good #i say that from an objective standpoint though. not my personal opinion heh #the doc is in #replies from the void #tf2

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alagaisia · 10 months

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I’m reminded of that post about how goths and people who wear only lots of pink are actually the same because “wearing only one color” is a specific choice in opposition to just looking Normal

I’m flying to a friend’s wedding today, and I recently acquired from my neighborhood free page a very pretty vintage suitcase in like a brocade upholstery texture in all of my good colors, so of course I needed a coordinated airport outfit à la Midge Maisel. You guys don’t know me, but I usually dress very put together, in what my sister calls Outfits, with a capital O to distinguish it from just wearing clothes. And since getting a full time job I’ve been slowly adding to my collection of vintage and 50’s-vibes clothes, because I just really like that aesthetic (my bridesmaid dress for the wedding is a vintage tea dress I got from Etsy. The fabric is in great condition but I had to reinforce pretty much every seam with my sewing machine, because the structural integrity of the original thread was breaking down, so that was an interesting learning experience).

All of which is to say that I Dressed Up for the airport in a vintage-y outfit that coordinates perfectly with some of the colors of my suitcase, and my hair is curled, and I have a vintage leather purse that my grandma gave me that matches her watch that I’m wearing and the shoes she bought me last summer at the same vintage store that my skirt came from, and a teenage-ish girl with whatever you call the 2023 teenage equivalent of emo/punk vibes, like the dark maroon mullet and not a lot of makeup and dark comfy clothes but like, very on purpose, told me I look cool when I walked past on the way to security

And like, she Gets It! We have different fashion goals but I think we put a similar degree of intention into the way we look compared to just wearing regular clothes. Which is cool! It’s validating. Not that I really need validation, but it’s always nice to get compliments, of course. And the way I dress is really not terribly distinctive most of the time, other than being Outfits and a little dressier than maybe the norm is, like I think most people who see me one time in passing would see that I look Nice but not necessarily see it as a cultivated Look. But punk mullet girl gets it.

#struggled with not sounding *too* pretentious here #I don’t feel pretentious but I have a hard time talking about like. specific choices and things in any detail #like to my friends I just said what happened with a picture of my outfit and was like ‘and she gets it!’ and they were like ‘yeah!’#but to strangers I have to go into much more detail to get the point across #even though really it’s not like I’m putting all of that into it every day I just get up and go ‘i want to look nice today’#in accordance with my personal fashion preferences #and then having to explain those preferences like ‘my name is alagaisia midge maisel darkness way and I’m wearing vintage whatever’#i do look so cute though #i got these shoes last summer and then lost the heel cap off of one of them the very first time i wore them #finally took them in to have them fixed last week so I could wear them to the wedding #needed a deadline so that I would actually get around to it #i hate flying it’s really a testament of how much I love my friend that I’m flying #instead of driving ten hours to Nebraska #but it made more sense and to make sure i won’t be late or run into car trouble or anything #and I’ll stay looking nice right away instead of getting gross and sweaty in the car or having to change for bachelorette activities #i only know the bride so I’m definitely going to make a very specific impression on all of these strangers lol #i joked with my dad about adopting a trans Atlantic accent for the whole weekend just for shits and giggles #turns out you cannot do it over the top. have you ever listened to JFK’s ‘we choose to go to the moon’ speech #it’s very silly sounding #we had a good time saying things one might say at a bachelorette party in a goofy voice #‘we cho~ose to ohdah thihs maiule strippah… ahnd the othah things.. nawt becahse it is easyh..#but becawhse he is hahd’#highly recommend #mine #personal

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sugar--pain · 2 months

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Kinda tempted to go back to identifying as aromantic but from the perspective of "I have chosen to love everyone that I have dated. I can choose to stop." but I don't know how well that would go over.

#I mean easily parts of us can identify as such just not collectively #so i guess that's why I'm saying it here #like. it's not wrong #some part of my brain has always decided that for whatever reason loving someone was in my best interest.#and only then did I develop interest Like That.#Usually we would like someone and want their attention want to be their friend and they'd develop interest #and we'd adjust to match their energy because they wanted that from us #for a while we argued amongst each other #that it wasn't valid if we didn't agree. pondering if this is ever valid #i saw people say it was popular to say that we don't choose to love #but i just don't relate to that #i know exactly how my brain works. and i can successfully convince it to love someone. and i can successfully convince it to stop.#i don't think being calculative is wrong #and honestly i think our feeling these things aren't genuine just because we can control it. it doesn't seem fair.#i'm fully capable of love. and there's nothing wrong with me deciding to love because it seems like it'd benefit us both.#and if we're already feeding each other anyway i just don't see anything wrong with accepting what's happening.#i don't like the expectations that get pulled with it.#i want to be able to independently decide what and when i want. i don't like labels.#i like that we're an anarchist but not everyone can even be on the same page about what that means #i know we left the aromantic community because they got too specific and a lot of ideas became too stiff and twisted in to reactionary #misunderstandings but how long can we keep leaving communities and cutting ourself off in to something nebulous #because of a problem that'll folllow us no matter where we go?#i think we can define ourselves any number of ways #i don't think any of them are wrong #bigger fools than i have claimed identities that were more maligned than my own #and when it's inevitable who's to say it's wrong #we're all who we are at the end of the day. these words can't contain or quantify us #they can be shortcuts but they can't define us #this is just how i live. it's about give and take #vv

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sanstropfremir · 2 years

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Please share all your Jopping thoughts! I am now exceedingly curious.

L;AKSDJF;LASDKJFL;SDAKJF ANON I LOVE YOUUUUU

i dont remember if i kept this in my maximalist kpop post or not but i had wrote a whole section about how the concept of superm as a group is maximalism and everything that they did is probably the purest form of kpop performance spectacle that we've seen in the last several years. kpop has always been about taking random americanisms and extrapolating them into a weird and altogether new conglomorate of cultural hybrid bizarreness and superm ramps that up to 100 (pun intended). the disparate visual western touchstones (cars/motorsports, cowboys, big tech + machines, superheros, military, collegiate gear) all crammed together with choreo that goes extremely hard for no reason, stupid and cringe (complimentary) english lyrics, completely over the top studio set pieces, and all done by a group that's literally assembled from defining groups of the last three generations, from the company that pioneered the industry? how can it be anything except the pinnacle of modern kpop? people can make the arguments all they want that sm was attempting to pander to the west in the vein of bts, but what those people miss is that superm was never totally westernized in the way that bts has been in their recent endeavours. superm maintains a sense of koreanness throughout not only their music (promoting i can't stand the rain on the ellen show along with jopping, none of their title songs being fully in english) but also visually with tiger inside, which has become their most popular song second to jopping. sm was very careful not to sacrifice the threads of what makes kpop korean with superm, and that's what makes everything about what they were doing work.

#kpop questions #superm w #superm #the big mistake that hybe and bts has made is that they think that kpop is popular because it's like western pop #and so they have tailored their groups to match that assumption #but this is not what makes kpop popular with the people who are longtime fans or who engage with a lot of different groups #it is the differences the synthesis the cultural hybridity that makes it popular #it is a unique type of pop music and to strip it of those factors is to strip it of character #like superm is extremely transparently a manufactured group and that's what makes them work #like obvs the song with the lyric 'cuz when we jumping and popping with jopping' is not come heartfelt ''authentic'' labour of love #and that's the point!! they are all about the most spectacle all the time to entertain you!!#no pretending to be fake deep we are all here for the glory of the game (watching a group of kpop's best dancing their little hearts out)#real fakery >>>>>>>>>>>>> authenticity every day bc fakery is DESIGNED TO BE THE BEST IT CAN AT THAT SPECIFIC THING #if you were to modernize/'4th gen-ify' a bg track from 2011-15 jopping is exactly what it would be like. it is the natural evolution #i realize this is less about jopping and more just about superm in general. but i think jopping is the perfect intro #and their really impressive work is with superone and their 2020 cbs #absolutely inspired of sm to go from insane americanisms (100) to traditional koreanisms (tiger inside)#and then right back to DIFFERENT insane americanisms (one) in the span of a little over a MONTH #anyways yes i WILL take deep artistic meaning from superm and you cant stop me!!#also: the superone promo photos for one/the collegiate styling + the accompanying merch are some of THE best kpop merch of all time #literally those photos are incredible and that athleisure collegiate combo is soooooo inspired #also they have a stellar discography. its so fucking good #text #answers

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tiredsadpeach · 1 year

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May not feel great rn but tomorrow I get to see my best friend and we’re exchanging gifts and then afterward I’m going with my sister to pick up a cat

#I don’t talk about this best friend on here a lot lately but he’s great and I love him #platonically and romantically #I’ve had a crush on him for uhh 9 years teehee #he doesn’t know I still feel that way or at least I hope he doesn’t because I don’t wanna make him uncomfy #we dated back in 2013 but I was a pos then and cheated on him because I give in to peer pressure #I’m serious about that btw like the chick that convinced me to cheat when we were official I went over to a friends house and she thought I #would cheat on her because I was so easy to convince the first time lmao #anyway that was forever ago and I am very very different now and would kill past me tbh for that teehee #this is the best friend that stayed with me after I cut off everyone because they stayed friends with my abuser #he’s literally the fucking best and I love him so much and I hope we always stay friends despite my Crazy lol #but also CAT INFOOOO okay so me and my sister went to our local pet store and they partner with a specific shelter? idk I can’t give the #name out because the only pet store listed on their website is the one we go to and that’s too much info about where I live lmao #ANYWAY I was more just showing her the two 4 month old brothers I saw the other day because they’re cute and I was hoping I’d see they were #adopted which they weren’t but they’re chatty kittens they’ll be gone soon tbh probably snatched up for Christmas #but so I had just been there two days ago on the 16th and we went on the 18th and one new cat was there #a 1 1/2 year old black cat named Morticia!! she was so cute they had a hot pink collar and bell on her and her file said she gets along well #with dogs and other cats (perfect for us we live with our parents still so full house) and it said she loves to be held and talked to ☹️☹️☹️#and her arrival date? the 16th so I just missed her but ALSO that’s one of our family dog’s birthday he turned 5 that day!!#also learned today Morticia had three kittens who have all been adopted and you’ll never guess their names #Wednesday pugsly and thing teehee #the fact that cat is just named Thing is so fucking funny #anyway my sister was petting her and she rolled into it ☹️ got head scratches and ear rubs and THEN I was filling out the application for he #while we waited for our parents to call us back and Morticia LAID HER HEAD IN MY SISTERS HAND ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️#so yeah my sister fell in love and the naming matches so well with her other cat who is about 2 years old now who’s a long haired tortoise #named Magnolia !! she’s a really chill cat who when it comes to other cats if the cat likes her she likes the cat but she’s also the younges #cat we have rn but my cats half adore her and half dgaf like my older two just want to be left alone by the animals and loved on by humans #but my younger two (8 and 5) still act like babies and run around like kittens so they love magnolia and she loves them so I have no doubt #Morticia is gonna fit in just fine and we don’t have to change her name!!#idk about y’all but we like always change our pets’ names when we adopt them and sometimes I’m glad we do because we have an anxious big #mutt doggie and we named him Chimmy which worked out well because he’s kinda silly and goofy and yknow neurodivergent but his og name?

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foldingfittedsheets · 3 months

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Since everyone seems to love my sex shop stories, here’s another one.

Phone calls were literally a game for us. Not all phone calls, but there was a specific brand of call where guys would creep on us. 90% of the workforce at the sex shops was women. So we’d get dudes calling jacking off or trying to get their jollies from us.

The game: make them hang up. We could have hung up. On a few occasions I did, but for the most part we made a sport out of getting creeps to go flaccid. It really depended on a caller.

You couldn’t just go in for belittling them straight off- some guys wanted that. You had to tailor your strategy to the perv. Overall it was pretty fun and it turned an aspect of the job that could’ve become a major bummer into a fun sport. We’d get excited when the phones rang.

So one day the phone rings. I pick up and it was very clearly a young teen who was putting on a deep voice. I was utterly delighted, I’d never had a crank call before. He said, “I have a dildo emergency! Can you deliver 5 boxes of dildos to my home?!”

It took everything in me not to crack in that moment. It was so funny. It was like three kids had walked through the door in a trench coat and the phrase “dildo emergency” was one of the funniest things I’d ever heard.

But I kept it together. In smooth customer service tones I replied, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear you’re having an emergency, but due to the nature of our product we do require people to come pick it up themselves.”

The caller audibly deflated. Some of the deep voice he was putting on bled away when he said plaintively, “But it’s an emergency…”

“I’m sorry, sir, rules are rules.”

He hung up. I burst out laughing and told my coworker what had happened. She said, “I will buy you lunch if you call back and pretend you can deliver something.”

This sounded like an all around win for me, and the kid hadn’t used anything to block his number. So I called back.

“Hello!” This was before caller ID was common for home phones and so he picked up in his totally normal voice, several octaves higher than before.

“Hello, I’m calling regarding your dildo emergency?”

“Oh! Hem hem,” he coughed, getting his voice back into character for me. “Yes! The emergency!”

“Well I’ve spoken to my manager and it’s your lucky day. We’ll be able to make a delivery after all. Five boxes you said? We can swing it by later, we’ll just need your name, address, and credit card number.”

He was thrown by needing to provide info and was silent for a moment then said, “Well how much is it for five boxes?”

“About five hundred dollars, sir.”

He slipped out of his character voice to exclaim, “Five hundred dollars?! What kind of dildos are they?!”

“Just standard six inches with balls, sir.”

This was his breaking point. He started wheezing with laughter trying to repeat the phrase “six inches with balls” incoherently.

“So your address and card info?”

He hung up and I broke down laughing too. We both got a kick out of it, and I won the game twice in one day.

#ramblies #ffs foibles #sex shop #retail #story #funny story #storytime #writing

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ktempestbradford · 2 months

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I have been on a Willy Wonkified journey today and I need y'all to come with me

It started so innocently. Scrolling Google News I come across this article on Ars Technica:

At first glance I thought what happened was parents saw AI-generated images of an event their kids were at and became concerned, then realized it was fake. The reality? Oh so much better.

On Saturday, event organizers shut down a Glasgow-based "Willy's Chocolate Experience" after customers complained that the unofficial Wonka-inspired event, which took place in a sparsely decorated venue, did not match the lush AI-generated images listed on its official website.... According to Sky News, police were called to the event, and "advice was given."

Thing is, the people who paid to go were obviously not expecting exactly this:

But I can see how they'd be a bit pissed upon arriving to this:

It gets worse.

"Tempest, how could it possibly--"

source of this video that also includes this charming description:

Made up a villain called The Unknown — 'an evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls'

There is already a meme.

Oh yes, the Wish.com Oompa Loompa:

Who has already done an interview!

As bad (and hilarious) as this all is, I got curious about the company that put on this event. Did they somehow overreach? Did the actors they hired back out at the last minute? (Or after they saw the script...) Oddly enough, it doesn't seem so!

Given what I found when poking around I'm legit surprised there was an event at all. Cuz this outfit seems to be 100% a scam.

The website for this specific event is here and it has many AI generated images on it, as stated. I don't think anyone who bought tickets looked very closely at these images, otherwise they might have been concerned about how much Catgacating their children would be exposed to.

Yes, Catgacating. You know, CATgacating!

I personally don't think anyone should serve exarserdray flavored lollipops in public spaces given how many people are allergic to it. And the sweet teats might not have been age appropriate.

Though the Twilight Tunnel looks pretty cool:

I'm not sure that Dim Tight Twdrding is safe. I've also been warned that Vivue Sounds are in that weird frequency range that makes you poop your pants upon hearing them.

Yes, Virginia, these folks used an AI image generator for everything on the website and used Chat GPT for some of the text! From the FAQ:

Q: I cannot go on the available days. Will you have more dates in the future? A: Should there be capacity when you arrive, then you will be able to enter without any problems. In the event that this is not the case, we may ask you to wait a bit.

Fear not, for this question is asked again a few lines down and the answer makes more sense.

Curious about the events company behind this disaster, I took myself over to the homepage of House of Illuminati and I was not disappointed.

I would 100% trust these people to plan my wedding.

This abomination of a website is a badly edited WordPress blog filled with AI art and just enough blog posts to make the casual viewer think that it's a legit business for about 0.0004 seconds.

Their attention to detail is stunning, from how they left up the default first post every WP blog gets to how they didn't bother changing the name on several images, thus revealing where they came from. Like this one:

With the lovely and compact filename "DALL·E-2024-01-30-09.50.54-Imagine-a-scene-where-fantasy-and-reality-merge-seamlessly.-In-the-foreground-a-grand-interactive-gala-is-taking-place-filled-with-elegant-guests-i.png"

"Concept.png" came from the same AI generator that gets text almost, but not quiiiiiite right:

There are a suspicious number of .webp images in the uploads, which makes me think they either stole them from other sites where AI "art" was uploaded or they didn't want to pay for the hi-res versions of some and just grabbed the preview image.

The real fun came when I noticed this filename: Before-and-After-Eventologists-Transformation-Edgbaston-Cricket-Ground-1024x1024-1.jpg and decided to do a Google image search. Friends, you will be shocked to hear that the image in question, found on this post touting how they can transform a boring warehouse into a fun event space, was stolen from this actual event planner.

Even better, this weirdly grainy image?

From a post that claims to be about the preparations for a "Willy Wonka" experience (we'll get to this in a minute), is not only NOT an actual image of anyone preparing anything for Illuminati's event, it is stolen from a YouTube thumbnail that's been chopped to remove the name of the company that actually made this. Here's the video.

If you actually read the blog posts they're all copypasta or some AI generated crap. To the point where this seems like not a real business at all. There's very specific business information at the bottom, but nothing else seems real.

As I said, I'm kinda surprised they put on an event at all. This has, "And then they ran off with all our money!" written all over it. I'm perplexed.

And also wondering when the copyright lawyers are gonna start calling, because...

This post explicitly says they're putting together a "Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory Experience" complete with golden tickets.

Somewhere along the line someone must have wised up, because the actual event was called "Willys Chocolate Experience" (note the lack of apostrophe) and the script they handed to the actors about 10 minutes before they were supposed to "perform" was about a "Willy McDuff" and his chocolate factory.

As I was going through this madness with friends in a chat, one pointed out that it took very little prompting to get the free Chat GPT to spit out an event description and such very similar to all this while avoiding copyrighted phrases. But he couldn't figure out where the McDuff came from since it wasn't the type of thing GPT would usually spit out...

Until he altered the prompt to include it would be happening in Glasgow, Scotland.

You cannot make this stuff up.

But truly, honestly, I do not even understand why they didn't take the money and run. Clearly this was all set up to be a scam. A lazy, AI generated scam.

Everything from the website to the event images to the copy to the "script" to the names of things was either stolen or AI generated (aka stolen). Hell, I'd be looking for some poor Japanese visitor wandering the streets of Glasgow, confused, after being jacked for his mascot costume.

HE LIVES IN THE WALLS, Y'ALL.

#long post #Willy Wonka #Wonka #Willy Wonka Experience #Willy Wonka Experience disaster #Willy's Chocolate Experience #Willys Chocolate Experience #THE UNKNOWN #Wish.com Oompa Loompa #House of Illuminati #AI #ai generated

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jayybugg · 1 month

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nurse

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!Reader

Summary: Ghost avoids you but it's not what you think.

Warning: Slight Time Skips, Kinda Asshole Ghost?, Smut (18+), Use of Y/N, Language (?).

Word Count: 4.6K

Note: Now, I know in my master list I said that right now I would only be writing for the Slytherin Boys......but I have spiraled back into my Call of Duty, specifically Ghost. Now this is just an experiment, I don't know how this will go over but if you guys like it then maybeeee I'll post my other fandom fics that I have.

Also! This is a birthday gift for my beautiful gem, @slytherinslut0 , so everyone thank her and wish her a happy birthday. As always, @cafekitsune is on the banner.

Taskforce 141 didn’t pay any attention when they were told that they would have a new nurse on the base. They assumed it would be another male, just like everyone who got employed here.

So, only one could imagine their shock when the base’s doctor, Dr. Moscaw, introduced a pretty little thing like you to the team.

“This is Y/N. She will work under me. Your first point of contact for anything medical-wise.�� Moscaw spoke, “Don’t go scaring her off, boys.”

There were grumbles and protests as Dr. Moscaw left you with the team. You cleared your throat as you gave them all a nervous smile. All their eyes were on you, surveying you almost like prey. A certain man with a skull mask being the most intense one. “Um, right. You all desperately need an annual check-up. So, whenever you all have a moment, please stop by the medical ward. I would love to update your records and meet you all.”

Before any of them could say anything, you had scurried off.

Over the next few weeks, they all came in one by one. Introducing themselves as you went through updating their records.

First came Captain Price. You liked to think that he came in to lead by example and not to get out of his mountain of paperwork. Then Kyle came in the next day. He begged you to call him “Gaz”, saying that nobody on base ever calls him Kyle.

Not long after Gaz came, Johnny waltzed into your office. He was flirty but overall friendly. Johnny, just like Gaz, begged you to call him Soap like everyone else. He was the one who referred to you as a breath of fresh air amidst the testosterone-filled air. Often, he and Gaz came to your office. They always claimed to be checking up on you, but you knew it was because they were hiding from their duties.

“Where is…. um, Ghost? Or is his name Simon? It’s two first names on this file.” You asked, furrowing your eyebrows at the lack of information in his records. Soap chuckled, glancing up from his phone to you. “Ghost is the name he’s gonna give ‘ya. It’s the name that we all know him by.”

“A field name, I assume?” You asked, looking up from your computer. Gaz and Soap nodded. “Yep. His name for plenty of reasons, but that’s neither here nor there.” Gaz waved his hand dismissively.

“Well, is he going to come in for a check-up? He doesn’t have another doctor or anything listed.” You sighed. “His medical record is empty. There is nothing on here, other than his name and height. No birthday, no past medication history, nothing.”

“Of course, that’s all that’s on there. That’s all anyone knows about him.” Soap laughed. “He’s not gonna come in here for a check-up.”

“What? Why not?” You asked, closing your computer.

“Too much information.” Gaz shrugged. “Nobody knows anything about him. It’s a shocker that he even allowed his real name to be on those records.”

“So, nobody knows if this guy even goes to the doctor?” You threw your hands up in exasperation. “That’s insane.”

“Ya may be right, but that means nothing to Ghost.” Soap said.

“And insane is basically his middle name. The man does whatever he wants.” Gaz added.

“Do you think he will come in if I just ask?” You pondered to the men.

Gaz and Soap glanced at each other before shrugging. “If you bat those pretty eyelashes at any man on this base, they’ll be eating out the palm of your hand,” Soap said.

“But Ghost isn’t like the average man. He’s not easily swayed like most.” Gaz added, “But I mean, it won’t hurt to try.”

With the encouragement from Gaz and Soap to just try to ask him, you spent the next few weeks attempting to track Ghost down. Unfortunately for you, he lived up to his name very well. It was like every time you went looking for him, everyone had “just seen him.”

Eventually, you found him, by pure coincidence. You were walking to your car, getting ready to leave the base for the day when your eyes landed on a 6’4, muscular man who donned a skull balaclava. You hadn’t seen him since the day that Price had introduced you to the team. He seemed bigger and a bit more intimidating than before, but your determination outweighed your nervousness.

You walked up to him, clearing your throat. Ghost stopped fiddling with his motorcycle to drag his eyes up to your face. His eyes were dark and analytical as he scanned your face before tracing down your body. You felt self-conscious of his wondering gaze.

“Whatcha ‘ya want?” His voice was deep, his accent coming out heavier than you thought it was.

“Um, I’m the new nurse.” You squeaked out before clearing your throat.

“I know.”

“Right.” You took a deep breath. “Your medical records are empty and you’re the only one who hasn’t come in for a check-up.”

There was a brief silence between you two as you waited for him to say something, anything. When you got the hint that he wasn’t going to say anything, you decided to just push forward and ask.

“Will you come in for one? And maybe introduce yourself a little more?”

Ghost stared at you a little longer before turning back to his motorcycle. “No.”

Your eyes widened at the blatant refusal. You raised your eyebrow, crossing your arms. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

“Do ‘ya not know what ‘no’ means? Aren’t ‘ya educated?” Ghost grunted; his back still turned to you.

“You can’t just…. You must fill out these records somehow!”

“No, I don’t.”

You narrowed your eyes at Ghost, huffing slightly. “It’s mandatory to at least get an annual check-up.”

“So, I’ve heard. Don’t care.” He spoke again, throwing one leg over the motorcycle. He started it up, gripping the handles. His eyes focused on your face again as he revved the engine.

“But-”

Before you could even think about responding, Ghost had sped off, leaving you in the dust.

“And he just sped off?” Soap laughed. Gaz smacked his arm, giving you an apologetic look.

“Ignore Soap. He has a terrible sense of humor.” Gaz rolled his eyes. “But we told you he was hard to sway.”

“I just don’t understand why he doesn’t want to come in.” You groaned, “Maybe he just doesn’t want to get to know me?”

“It’s Ghost, you aren’t supposed to understand him.” Gaz shrugged. “But I doubt it’s you that he’s against.”

You let another groan, causing the two men to chuckle.

“Hell, Darlin’, you might just make the man nervous as hell. As you can see, we don’t have many pretty females around here.” Soap leaned back in his chair, grinning at you.

“Me? Make Ghost nervous? Please.” You raised an eyebrow, rolling your eyes. Soap shrugged, “You never know, he could be.”

“You never know,” Gaz said, agreeing with Soap.

“Whatever.” You muttered, ending the conversation.

Weeks had passed and Ghost gave no sign of even considering stepping into the medical ward or trying to talk to you. He evaded you any chance he got. You told Dr. Moscaw and Price about the predicament with Ghost. Both waved it off and said, “He’s Ghost, that’s just how he is.

When your official first three months of working on the base had come around, Soap and Gaz had invited you out to the bar to celebrate.

“It’ll be everyone. Cap, Laswell, König, hell, even Ghost said he would come.” Soap smiled at you. You scoffed slightly at the revelation that Ghost was going to show his masked face at the bar. “Are we sure he’s coming for me, or rather, the drinks?” You asked, your eyes focused on the computer screen in front of you.

Gaz chuckled. “He refused to go until we said it was a celebration for you.”

“Funny that the man that evades me wants to come to my celebration.” You muttered.

“You know, he’s probably around you more than you think,” Soap said, causing you to look up at him with a raised eyebrow. Soap shrugged, continuing, “I mean, he’s known for being around without others knowing, hence the name Ghost.”

“Like he sees me, but I don’t see him?” You asked. Soap and Gaz nodded.

“Think of it like he is collecting information on you. The poor guy lives and breathes our missions and the military. It’s all he knows. It works with the idea that you make the man nervous.” Gaz said, patting your back as he and Soap filed out of your office.

Gaz’s and Soap’s words stuck to you. Maybe you had gone about approaching Ghost all wrong. He was quieter than Gaz and Soap and obviously more secretive, given the blank medical record and the mask. Maybe you should let him approach you, let him feel you out to see if you’re trustworthy or not.

When the night of the celebration rolled around, you promised yourself that you would not pester Ghost. Despite the growing need to get to know him and your nursing instincts to make sure he was healthy; you were going to let him come to you.

You walked into the bar, tugging slightly at your dress that rose from sitting in the taxi. Your black mini dress hugged your curves and had a low neckline that showed off your cleavage with your matching strappy heels. Although Soap and Gaz had to you to come dressed up, you debated calling the taxi back and going home to change. You were going to be with your co-workers, who were most likely going to be in jeans.

You sighed, pushing open the door to the bar. Your eyes snapped over to the large table in the back of the bar where all your coworkers sat. “Y/N!” Gaz yelled, jumping up from his seat. He grabbed your arm, escorting you to the table. Everyone shot you a smile, except König and Ghost, who both donned a balaclava. Although, you could tell from the crinkle in König’s eyes that he was smiling at you.

“The guest of honor is finally here.” Laswell smiled at you. “Congratulations on sticking it out at the base for three months. I must admit, I thought these boys would scare you away by now.”

“No, I’m tougher than I look.” You joked, “Plus, everyone is nice. I felt welcomed.”

Gaz and Soap gave Ghost an unmistakable side eye that you caught, and if you caught it, then everyone at the table caught it. You also didn’t miss the narrowed eyes that Ghost gave back to Gaz and Soap.

“A round of shots! For our new family member.” Price winked at you, giving you a warm smile.

That’s how the night went on, chatting and drinks getting passed around. It didn’t take you long to get buzzed. You kept true to your promise to yourself and didn’t go looking for interactions with Ghost.

However, you felt his eyes on you. It was like they never left you, always following your every movement.

It felt familiar.

Ghost stayed quiet the whole night, not cracking a chuckle at any jokes or taking part in the conversations. His eyes wandered the bar as if he was looking for any type of escape. Whenever your eyes met his, he looked away, his eyes hardening in the process.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” You said, feeling the alcohol finally run through you and back up your throat. Although everyone was too occupied with their conversations to hear you. You stumbled your way to the bathroom, pushing open the door. You wasted no time, bending over the toilet and vomiting what little contents that were in your stomach.

“I knew I should’ve eaten before….” You whispered to yourself.

“Yeah, ‘ya should have. Not very nurse of ‘ya.” A deep voice echoed behind you.

You jumped, turning around, clutching your chest as your eyes landed on Ghost. He stood behind you, arms crossed, as he leaned against the stall door.

“God, when the fuck did you get in here?” You asked, your eyes traveling down his figure. This would be the first time that you had ever seen Ghost in civilian clothes. Even on relaxed days on the base, Ghost wore full tactical gear. Tonight, he opted for a compression tee and black sweatpants, as if he was planning to go to the gym after all of this.

Which wouldn’t be surprising for Ghost.

“I didn’t know you had tattoos.” Your eyes landed on his sleeve, which seemed to move as he unconsciously flexed his muscles.

“I know ‘ya didn’t.” Ghost said, offering his hand out to you. You took it gratefully, standing up to your two feet. Ghost handed you some mouthwash and gum, along with your purse.

“Didn’t want nobody shifting through ‘ya stuff.” Ghost said when he saw the look that you gave him, “Also thought ‘ya might want to touch up ‘ya make up.”

“Thank you.” You gave him a small smile. He nodded, turning on his heel to leave out the bathroom. You swigged the mouthwash around, spitting into the sink. You freshen up your makeup before popping the piece of gum in your mouth.

You made your way back to the table, sitting down when a waitress came and dropped a personal pan of pepperoni pizza in front of you with water. “Oh,” You looked up at her, “I didn’t order this.”

“One of your friends ordered it for you. Told me to bring it when you came back to your seat.” She smiled and walked away. You glanced down at the pizza with a smile. Pizza was your favorite greasy food; it matched the rumbling of your drunk stomach perfectly.

You looked up at Soap and Gaz, the only two people who would know about your guilty pleasure food. Soap was leaning against the table flirting with another waitress while Gaz made bets with Price on football games. You decided you would thank one of them later when they weren’t busy.

4 am finally rolled around, causing the night to end. Gaz had called you a cab, walking you out as everyone said their goodbyes. Ghost had already mounted his motorcycle and sped off into the night. Once Gaz got you settled in the backseat, you smiled at him. “Thanks, Gaz. Oh, and thank you for the pizza, too.”

Gaz raised his eyebrow. “What pizza?”

“The pizza you ordered me when I went to the bathroom.” You clarified.

“I didn’t order you a pizza, hell, I didn’t even know you went to the bathroom.” Gaz said before chuckling a bit with a mischievous smirk, “The only person who ordered food was Ghost.”

Before you could ask anything more, Gaz tapped the roof of the car and your taxi pulled off.

You went even longer without seeing Ghost after the bar. It was almost as if he had just disappeared into thin air. You tried to question Gaz and Soap, but they claimed they knew nothing about it. Saying that it was probably a “lucky guess” but if anything they had told you about Ghost was true, nothing he did was just a lucky guess.

You pushed all your questions to the back of your mind, as you knew you weren’t going to get any answers any time soon. You were cleaning up the office as your day was ending. 141 were out on a mission, a relatively relaxed one, so your office was quiet and easy to pack up rather than having to tell Soap to stop touching stuff every 5 minutes.

You hummed to yourself, not taking notice that your office door had swung open.

“You’re terrible at being aware of ‘ya surroundings.”

You jumped, a squeal falling from your mouth. “You have to stop doing that!”

Ghost stood at your door, in sweatpants and a hoodie. His arms crossed as he stared at you through his mask. He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. You suddenly felt small like the room was closing in on you due to Ghost’s tall frame.

“What are you doing here?” You asked. Ghost’s eyes seemed to widen, as if he wasn’t sure why he was there either.

“Give me a check-up.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, glancing over at the clock. It was 7:35 pm, and the base was basically empty.

“It can’t wait til tomorrow?” You asked. Ghost took a step closer to you, “I thought you wanted to get to know me?”

“I do but-”

“Then give me the check-up.” Ghost grunted, sitting on the bench. His large frame made the normally large bench look small under him.

You sighed softly, getting out your equipment to start his check-up. You stay silent as you slip on your latex gloves after washing your hands. “So, I’m guessing something happened on the mission.”

Ghost looked over to you, his eyes coated in a small dose of confusion. “What?”

“I mean, you seemed very adamant about not getting a check-up before and now you’re here after a mission. I just assumed maybe something happened.” You clarified as you moved to check his heartbeat.

It took everything in you not to let your hands wander across his chest as you pulled away from him to turn to your computer and record the data.

“Nothing happened. Just built up some confidence.” He said, getting off the bench to stand behind you closely.

“O-oh…. confidence for what?” You took a deep breath, your eyes focusing on the computer screen.

Ghost didn’t answer your question, instead, he grabbed your shoulders and spun you around to face him. “You’re very annoying, you know that?”

“What?” Your eyes widened.

“You’re always around, smelling good. In these scrubs that hug your body tighter than any other scrubs I’ve ever seen.” Ghost muttered, “Always laughing at Soap’s stupid jokes. Always getting pizza when you know you aren’t supposed to.”

“I try to avoid you and ignore you, but you just crawl your little ass into my mind anyways. All mission…. just thinking and wondering what you’re doing.” Ghost continued.

“Is this your way of admitting that you’ve been thinking about me?” You asked.

Ghost stayed silent. His eyes stay trained on you, no words or sounds coming from him. His hand moved to take a piece of your hair and twirling it around his finger.

“Um, we should finish the check-up so we can go.” You spoke softly. Ghost ignored you, dipping his face into your neck. He took a deep breath. “God, you smell heavenly.”

“Ghost....”

“I need you.” He grumbled, “I need you all around me. I’ve learned everything I can about you and all I can think about is how I need to feel about you.”

“How I need to ruin you.”

You felt a knot in your stomach at his words, heat pooling inside you. “R-ruin me?”

“Beyond belief.” Ghost confirmed, “Give me the green light.”

You stayed silent as Ghost pushed his knee between your legs, pressing his knees gently against your core, causing a whimper to fall from your mouth. He lifted his mask to reveal his lips, pressing against your neck in soft, wet kisses. “Y/N. Answer me.”

“I….” You gasped for air, “P-please…do it.”

Ghost didn’t need to hear anything else. He lifted you easily, throwing you on the bench. He yanked your top off, groping your breast. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about these since the bar. So soft and plump…” Ghost grumbled, pulling your bra down and latching his mouth to your nipple.

A small moan fell from your mouth at the actions. His tongue swirled around your nipple before he pulled away with a slight “pop”. He left a trail of kisses down your chest to your naval. He tugged down your pants, throwing them in the same direction as your top. He groaned at the sight of the wet spot in your panties.

“So wet and ready for me. Huh, love?” Ghost said, blowing softly on your clothed clit.

You whined softly, nodding your head. He slapped your thigh, his eyes looking up at you. “I want to hear use your words. Let me hear that pretty voice that has been plaguing my mind for these past few months.”

You let out a sigh as Ghost pressed the pad of his tongue to your slit through your panties, teasing you. “Yes…. I’m wet and ready for you.”

“Good fucking girl, Lovie.” Ghost chuckled, moving your panties to the side to latch his mouth to your clit. He sucked and lapped at your clit harshly, your moans becoming uncontrollable as he ate you out like a starved man. His tongue teased your slit, flicking his tongue up and down.

He gripped your thighs tighter, pulling you closer to him. His nose pressed against your clit, stimulating you more and more. “Oh God, fuck, Ghost.” You moaned, your hands reaching out to grip the top of his balaclava.

“That’s right. I want you moaning my name like it’s the only thing that pretty little mind knows.” Ghost muttered, slipping two fingers into you as he kept lapping up all your juices. Your thighs tightened around his face as you felt your climax coming.

Ghost groaned at the action, his cock twitching with anticipation. You tossed your head back as pleasure coursed through your body. “I’m about to cum, fuck, I’m s’close.”

Your words seem to push Ghost further into sending you over the edge. His tongue moved faster against you as his fingers matched his pace. Your mind was blanking from the orgasm that rushed over your body. Ghost pulled his fingers out slowly as he pulled away from your swollen clit. His mouth was covered in your slick as he smirked. “Taste so sweet, Angel.” He spoke.

He pushed his two fingers into your mouth, groaning at the warmth of it. You suck on his fingers, tasting yourself on them as you swirled your tongue around. “Such a good, eager girl. So happy to taste yourself on my fingers.” Ghost whispered, pushing them down your throat so he could hear your gags.

Ghost pulled away, yanking his sweatpants and boxers down. His cock sprang out, revealing its large length. It hit his abdomen; the tip leaking with pre-cum. Your eyes looked down at him, eyes widening at the sight. “My God….” You whispered.

Ghost grabbed the base of his shaft, jerking himself off slightly before pulling you to the edge of the bench and wrapping one of your legs around his waist while propping the other one on his shoulder. “I need this pretty pussy wrapped around my cock, taking every inch of me.” Ghost growled. He rubbed his tip up and down your slick, coating it in it.

“Tell me how much you want this, Lovie. How bad do you want me to fuck you?” Ghost demanded; his eyes focused on you. You let out a whiny moan, looking up at him, “Please fuck me. I want your cock so bad.”

Ghost pushed into you, filling you up slowly but surely. Ghost groaned, sinking into you until he was fully inside you. “S’fucking tight. Gonna fuck this pretty cunt until it’s molded to only take my cock.” Ghost groaned, snapping his hips forward for a forceful thrust. A guttural moan fell from your mouth, as Ghost gripped your throat with both hands, pounding into you at a ruthless pace.

“M’been dreaming of this since the day I laid eyes on your fucking application picture.” Ghost muttered, “Such a pretty fucking girl. Batting your eyelashes at everyone.”

Ghost’s hands moved down to your hips, his fingers digging into your soft flesh. Your moans were drowned out by the loud slapping of your skin. If it wasn’t for the way that Ghost was viciously railing you, you would be concerned that someone would walk past and hear you.

“Such a fucking whore. Getting fucked in your office…. you like being railed after work? Hmm?” Ghost hissed out as you clenched around him.

“You look s’pretty being full of my cock.” Ghost muttered, leaning down to kiss and nip your neck. You whined, feeling another knot form in your stomach. You clenched around Ghost, making him groan. “M’close…. s’close…” You spoke in between moans.

“Go ahead and make a mess on my cock, baby. Cum all over this cock like the slut you are.” Ghost demanded. It didn’t take long for your legs to shake and for Ghost’s cock to be drenched in your climax. He slowed his thrusts, pulling out of you. You whimpered at the lost feeling.

“Get up, Lovie. I want to cum all in that pretty mouth of yours.” Ghost said, pulling you off the bench and to your knees. You looked up at him as he pumped himself. Slapping his cock against your lips, you opened your mouth to let him slip in.

“S’fucking warm. Fucking made to take my dick in every fucking hole you have.” Ghost muttered, his hand snaking around the back of your head to shove his dick further down your throat. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you tasted all your juices that drenched his cock. Saliva trailed down your chin as Ghost thrust in and out of your mouth at an unforgiving pace. “A fucking slut you are, taking my dick so well. Fuck.” Ghost groaned as his hip stuttered slightly. His cock twitched in your mouth before ropes of cum shot down your throat.

Your eyes screwed shut as Ghost stayed deep in your throat, making sure you swallowed all his cum. He pulled out, bending down to level as you looked up at him. “So, this was going through your mind all this time.” You spoke breathlessly.

“Shocked, Lovie?” Ghost smirked, lifting you back to your feet.

“A little.” You nodded. Ghost tilted your head back to press a rough but gentle kiss to your lips. “Well, I suggest you get used to it because there will be more of that.”

“So, you made your move, huh?” Soap grinned wickedly at Ghost, who sat further down the table. Ghost’s eyes shot to Soap’s as he narrowed them at the man.

“Don’t even try to deny it, LT.” Gaz said, his eyes staying trained on his phone. “All the talk around the base is how a certain skull mask-wearing lieutenant is attached to the hip of the pretty little nurse.”

“She must’ve really made you nervous if it took you almost three months to make a move on her.” Soap teased.

“I did more than make a move on her, Sergeant.” Ghost spoke, “That pretty little nurse is now my pretty little nurse.”

Ghost smirked underneath his mask as he looked between Gaz and Soap. “So, it would do you both good to watch your hands the next to you hug her. Would hate to have to break your fingers off for wandering too far for your own good.”

Without another word, Ghost sauntered out of the meeting room, leaving Soap and Gaz dumbfounded.

“Hm, I was wondering when that boy was going to make a move.” Price hummed from his spot, “All that begging to hire her to this base and took nearly four months to even talk to her.”

“Wait, what? Ghost knew about her before she even got to base?” Gaz asked.

“Ghost was the one who pulled her application.” Price said, “Said ‘his future girl’ had applied, and I needed to get her on base.”

Gaz and Soap looked at each other before sighing. Of course, Ghost knew you before you knew him.

Because it wouldn’t be Ghost if he didn’t.

#simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #call of duty #modern warfare #simon riley #cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #cod x reader

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nineinchnailsonchalkboard · 11 months

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#cant make it an Official List Item because. Reasons (yikes as fuck) but #yeah that about sums it up. Yikes As Fuck #unfortunately it seems persistent & there is more recent evidence to support the uhhhh almost-list-iteming #it's like 1 feature too like come on lmfao this is too easy pls raise the bar a little yeah?#especially since the reason for not list iteming is soooo extra fucked it should definitely cancel it out but here we are #sigmund do ur thing man i know you have some weird theory on this highly specific scenario #what a stupid combination of things for my brain to recognize as Yeah actually this is fantastic despite all logic & reason. Very Super Goo #i love it when the left and right hemispheres go to war it's so cool and fun and not annoying at all #honestly the less i know the worst it is so maybe if i just bit the bullet it could fuck off however that would be less exciting #hm #each day i sink to new lows. it's incredible really #how do u even make friends when ur interests are a clusterfuck of mismatched topics especially morally sketchy ones #i need to apply for weird jobs im definitely the person for some of them #or some outlet for being generally unconventional #pls dont tell me my only option is That Lady & her friends. we are not the same

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taylor-titmouse · 2 months

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hey i want to talk about how you should be promoting your work as an erotic author/illustrator

i'm writing this up because the marketing aspect of my work as an erotic author/illustrator is a science to me, and also because i'm the guy who gets unreasonably annoyed when i see other creators not properly advertising their work. you presumably want to make money off your work. this post will be written under the assumption you want to make money off your work but are doing a bad job at it. it will be very confrontational. if you read this and feel attacked you're right and i am attacking you.

this is geared toward selling erotic comics/writing/books/art as products. i will probably write more than one post about this subject so if i didn't touch on something you want to know more about, comment/send me an ask and i'll keep it in mind for the next one.

i will start with my first and least specific but most important point:

DON'T GET FUCKING CUTE

hi are you paying attention. i'm gripping you by the sides of your face. do not get fucking cute with what you are trying to sell. you are not a big enough property to get cute, nobody LIKES it when big properties get cute, and you are selling porn. you have to own this. you have to be up front about this. don't be tongue in cheek, don't be all teehee i wonder what this could be~, don't be secretive. you are selling a product. you have to fucking act like it. you are an adult selling pornography to other adults. i am GRIPPING your HEAD you NEED to understand this.

and to be clear when i say 'cute' i mean coy. i don't mean cutesy, as in the aesthetic. you can be as hello kitty pastel ten emojis a post uwu as you like when you're building your audience and generating hype. but when you start trying to sell, don't be vague, don't be sarcastic, don't mislabel your work as a joke and assume everyone is on it. because they're not.

you must always assume 75% of the people seeing the thing you are advertising have no fucking idea who you are. and that includes a huge chunk of the people who already follow you. they do not know who you are or what you've been working on for two months or why they should care about it. they just got here. somebody just reposted it. they are seeing it for the first time. most people are only looking at social media for a tiny chunk of their day. they are not keeping up with you. you cannot get cute about what you are trying to sell because nobody knows what it is until you tell them.

okay are you still with me. we are going to talk about clarity now.

YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT IT IS

good lord the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's comic or book and had no idea what's actually in it or what it's about. who are the characters? why should i care about them? what do they do in it? what is the premise of this thing you want me to spend $5 on? why would you not tell me? i'm shaking you again. please i have to know what i'm buying i only have so much money to spend on porn.

porn, arguably more than any other genre, relies on knowing exactly what is in it. you do not want to surprise your readers with a kink they were unaware of! and on the flip side, you do not want to miss out on your target audience! if your book contains a hot spider babe laying eggs in an elf, you have to say so. not just so people who don't want to read about eggs know it isn't for them, but so the people who are egg crazy can see that and go "oh fuck YES i love EGGS here is my $5 and an extra $2 tip for catering to me specifically". a contents/features list is as much an advertisement as it is a warning!

as for re: who the characters are and why should i care, i'm sorry but you need to learn how to write sales copy. you have to write blurbs. you have to get good at the shit that goes on the back of a book. we all hate it but we have to do it. i want to know who the characters are and what the context is. i, personally, am not interested in contemporary stories as much as fantasy and historical. please tell me what genre this porn exists in so i know if it aesthetically appeals to me. pull some books off your shelves and see how they do it. hell man go look at mine.

while you're there, note that every single book of mine has a sample of what's in it. this feels like such a no-brainer to me but again! the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's work and they don't show me what their work looks like! you gotta give me the first page or two! just enough that i know if i like the way your writing sounds, or the way you draw your comics! i don't know you! i am not going to trust that you're good at what you do just based on a cover. the cover is to get me to this step, it is not the only step. you have to show me that you're worth spending my money on!

to put it less cynically, you want to catch my interest. you want me to go 'oh i want to see more of this', you want me to go 'ahh i want to know where this goes!' you need to get me invested and craving more. earn my $5!!!

YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT EASY TO GIVE YOU MONEY

hey go look at your bio right now. go look at your pinned post. do you have a link to your patreon there? do you have a link to your itchio/gumroad/whatever? do i have to click more than once to get to the places you want me to go to give you money? why? why are you making me click twice? have we learned nothing from every website making you click an extra time when they make some stupid UI update and how much it pisses us off? i have already given up, i have forgotten you, i am not giving you my $5 today. put your links in the easiest places to get to them.

god literally as i was writing this post i went to go find somebody's itchio to see how they described their work and it was not anywhere on their profile. grabbing you and shaking you PUT THE LINK WHERE I CAN FIND IT. don't make it hard! make it easy! i am a dickhead sitting on the toilet scrolling, saw your post, and was interested enough to read further. but you made me go to your bio to find your linktree and oops i have already gone back to my timeline to look at the boobies in the next post. stop wasting precious bio space on DNIs and put your fuckin links there!!!

this is more for the twitter people, but: just put the link in the damn post. just say the word commission. just say it's for patreon. "wuh wuh the algorithm" it is not the damn algorithm it's that everybody hates advertising and nobody wants to retweet ads. putting slashes in the words doesn't do anything and you look like a fool. i have posted so much art that says it's 'a commission for ___" and it did exactly as good as any other art despite having the word commission in it. and by doing the slashes you just made it impossible for anybody to search your account for your commission information (which should be at the VERY LEAST in a post under your pinned tweet if you're not actively posting about them being open).

okay that went on a tangent i'm going to back to the point of putting the link in the tweet. put it in the first post. not in the first reply. don't tell them to go to your bio. put it in the post people are actually going to share. it's fine to put more information in the thread but people are only ever going to share the first post. so put the link there. you have to make it easy. putting links in tweets can hurt you algorithmically, even in the replies. so you're better off having it in the post that actually gets seen and shared. i don't want to open the tweet and scroll to get to your sales page where i ASSUME you will have put all the information anyway. put it in the tweet that just got retweeted by itself onto my dash!

also you have to share it a ton of times. i repost my shit every few hours when i'm trying to push a new product. as i said before people are not 24/7 looking at their timelines. they missed it the first time. they missed it the second time. they didn't get paid yet that week but they were after the eighth time and you reminded them again so they finally bought it. that i will still get sales every time i repost a book ad weeks after release says there are always people who missed it, or who only just showed up.

abandon your pride and shill. shills pay their bills. anyone who gets annoyed about it isn't giving you money in the first place. don't worry about looking like a sell out. don't apologize for plugging your own work. post about it often, post about it in different ways. post about it. post about it. you are not going to make money if people don't know you have something to sell them. if you want to make a career out of it, you need to act like it.

I DON'T HAVE A FOURTH POINT

kisses your forehead. i'm sorry for yelling at you. i've been making and publishing and selling adult art for the past two-three years and have got myself to the point where it pays my rent, and i got there by paying attention to what does and does not work.

please do your best to make money. i want you to make money.

as i said above i plan to write more posts on this subject, such as cover design, how to actually write sales copy, and best practices with running a patreon, but if there's things you would want to hear more about leave a comment or send an ask! i will probably be less aggressive on future topics. these are just things that have grinded my gears for a grip.

#tt talks writing #tt talks drawing

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