#i wish i had all of ezras heart scenes...sad
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Outtakes - Non-smut vol 2
AO3 | Kofi | Main Masterlist | The Spreadsheet Masterlist | vol 1
Hi friends! Sometimes we want fics that are SFW or we just want to make ourselves sad or we need a little pick me up. I'm here with a list of fics that have no (explicit) smut as of posting! They may have smutty thoughts or mild allusions to smut, but those are marked in the warnings!
Summaries and tags are, in most cases, provided by the author - please be sure to read them as some of these fics may have content you do not wish to read.
updated 5/24/2024
i wonder if you stopped his world like you stopped mine
Frankie one shot by @chronically-ghosted
watching the woman he loves be with someone else is killing him, but for your sake, he manages. But when Benny's birthday loosens him up, he can't help but bear his soul over a phone call. Too bad you don't pick up and he's forced to leave the evidence in a voicemail.
pining, light angst, idiots in love, country music as a catalyst, romance, tw alcohol, tw drinking, hangovers, ultimately very fluffy
Ezra's Journal Entries
Ezra series by @littlemisspascal
This journal’s as good a place as any to admit the honest truth. So here it is: I wish with the entirety of my bloody, beating heart I could be the man you deserve, little love of mine. — Ezra recovers after the events of the film with the aid of a journal and the love of his life.
angsty fluff, Ezra’s dealing with the aftermath of the Green, language, 1st person POV (Ezra), dialogue in italics, angsty fluff, night terrors, PTSD, Ezra dealing with the aftermath of the Green, language, overuse of space metaphors, grief/dealing with loss of a sibling, mild reference of past injury, Part 11 could be read as suicidal ideation so please skip/be warned of that segment due to possible triggers
midnight strikes, where is my prince
Frankie one shot by @undercoverpena
he had been your neighbour. a man you'd stare at through blinds when he’d been on the front lawn. a man you’re now staring at through splintered shards of your mirror—because he saved you.
ANGST 😂. there’s mentions of a break-in. frankie is there and he has a gun, so you know we’re okay. angst. inspired by a scene from scandal-if you know, you know
The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
Marcus P one shot by @whataperfectwasteoftime
I am a visitor here. I am not permanent.
angst, breakups, mentions of Teresa x Patrick Jane
Constellations in his eyes
Dave York one shot by @janaispunk
Your fiancé stands you up on your birthday. Dave doesn’t.
infidelity, shitty boyfriend, angst, fluff, kissing, able-bodied reader, reader has hair, no use of y/n
The One
Dieter one shot by @schnarfer
If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?
Bit of emotional torment, drink and drugs references, Dieter POV, happy ending? Always Fleabag coded.
House Arrest
Dieter one shot by @rulexofxnines
Dieter stays over at your place out of desperation. Things get out of hand so you take control of the situation.
forced proximity, only one bed, a goat
The Howler Monkey
Dieter one shot by @covetyou
You got him here, he was safely tucked away upstairs and everything was going, mostly, according to plan. So, who the fuck is screaming?
no smut but some nudity, implied drug use/addiction, little bit silly, mildly angsty, performance anxiety, screaming, Dieter Bravo's soft cock. basically mild hurt/comfort/fluff with my usual bit of silliness.
Vampire!Dieter
Dieter one shot by @chronically-ghosted
Interview with a vampire, gatsby style
flirting, a bit of blood, maybe dubcon due to The Thrall but i think it's safe to say we all want It from vampire!dieter
Paint With Me
Frankie one shot by @bitchesuntitled
You have a crush on the dad of your daughter’s best friend.
Sexual innuendos and cursing
Door Number Three
Javi G drabble by @morallyinept
Javi shows you what he keeps behind that mirrored door
Character talk alludes to sexy things.
The Infinity Cube
Various Pedro Boy series by @littlemisspascal
When you play with a strange cube, you’re transported out of your current reality with your boyfriend Marcus into brand new ones starring alternate versions of your boyfriend who look and act entirely different every time. With each encounter, you start to wonder if you’ll ever make it back to your real universe?
language, fluff, angst, references to sex but no smut
Hello to the Green
Ezra one shot by @the-blind-assassin-12
Down a ship, a crew, and a working air filter, and suffering from a rapidly worsening infection, Ezra makes one last ditch effort to get home. And he hopes it’s enough.
language, angst, injury and illness, death
Only Heaven I'll Be Sent To
Joel one shot by @freelancearsonist
Joel finds a familiar face while out on a smuggling run.
Rated PG for pure angst, one single kiss, and references to Joel's self-inflicted gun wound/self harm
You're the Loss of My Life
Din one shot by @beskarandblasters
You reminisce on your time with your riduur after his death.
whole lotta angst, fluff in the form of memories, riduur = spouse, talks of death
Sun to Me
Javi P one shot by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin
Javi wakes up early to do chores, but can’t peel himself away from you just yet.
some PTSD related stuff, smoking and drinking (come on its javi) but other than that just some sweet domestic fluff, reader is able-bodied but otherwise undescribed.
Delicate
Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters
You play with Joel’s hair during a moment of anguish.
angst with a fluffy ending
Observations
Joel one shot by @ezrasbirdie
You're not like the other girls, but it'd be easier if you were. Joel Miller doesn't see it that way.
lots of feelings of insecurity, reader is neurodivergent, this very soft, Joel is very soft, reader is in her 30s, Joel is in his 50s
Happy Reading!
#fic recs#the spreadsheet digest#fanfiction recommendations#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro fics#pedro pascal character fanfiction#The spreadsheet Digest Outtakes
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I live blogged the first two episodes of Ahsoka. Under the cut because length and also spoilers.
I legit screamed at the crawling text. Vintage iconic Star Wars, the only thing missing was the theme. But I also exclaimed “oh no! Not a secret map” and groaned “don’t they ever have any new ideas?” Because really? That MacGuffin had zero logic in a Force Awakens and again?
But then the first shot is of a ship and it is like a love affair for the movies. I am here for that. It’s a large Republic ship which is like their version of a Star Destroyer I guess? Cool parallel.
The way Baylan stormed through the ship and the accompanying music track, I could just feel that Dave Feloni I guess? Or whomever directed it had such love for Star Wars.
Ahsoka in that room with the orbs. I got real Uncharted puzzle room vibes. It was like “I have played that game” haha. Those exploding robots made for a really big blast. Ahsoka still having the call sign Fulcrum is both cool and strange, given that Fulcrum applied to a lot of people on purpose (e.g Kallus used it) to add a layer of deception. I wonder if Ahsoka is the only one that uses it now.
I am crying about this map. Why why why? It makes no sense. Say it is a map of the unknown regions, say it shows the location of the Chiss homeworld but if Thrawn is lost there is no map, and certainly not one in a secret vault underneath what looked like a ruined temple. How can there be a map to someone that didn’t know they were going anywhere, and had no control over the destination because purgills! Thrawn didn’t leave a map. Just like Luke wouldn’t have left puzzle pieces to a map when he decided to go be sad. I hate it here. Why do they think this is good writing? It is not! Ahem. I am upset.
But I am screaming because Hera!!!!!! And she mentioned Ezra. And they thought Thrawn was dead? But they saw the purgills? What about Ezra’s message that he couldn’t wait to come home?
Ok ok I am back to screaming because it’s Lothal!! It looks so good. I can recognise it. I am all starry eyed over it and it’s Governor Azadi and boy he looks like him A+ casting and he gives credit to Ezra and my heart is full. It’s what Ezra deserves. I didn’t realise that painting was official. I always thought it was something Sabine painted. Maybe she still did? The way the droid spun its head to say no was hilarious. I liked the expansion of the spectre callsign. It feels like maybe Sabine helped train those guys?
It sucks that Azadi tried to make her do the public spectacle thing when she didn’t want to, but I guess he was always a politician. He didn’t come across as a pure ‘good guy’ in the Thrawn book with how he tried to pressure Pryce for her mine. Politicians 🤷♂️.
Sabine has a pet loth-cat! OMG and after she drew them in her art so much. Oh man and that holo of Ezra. So many of the trailer scenes already! I love how they put Sabine’s art all over the walls of the old comm tower, that was Ezra’s home and is now hers I guess. I sniggered seeing the graffiti on the bunk in Ahsoka’s ship. Sabine graciously donates her art everywhere haha. Loth-cats, TIE’s and Chopper, just little doodles very nice.
Ok /sighing forever. I am still clinging to denial. How can they make Sabine force sensitive? Kanan trained her with the dark saber! It was specifically mentioned that she didn’t have the force! Kanan would have known!!!!
I did have to rewind and play the line twice about it ‘hard being a Jedi’ and “I would have made a good one” because the first time I legit thought I heard “I should have married a good one then” and I was like WHAT?!?! I mean I was getting like a bad break-up exes vibe but there was no way they would do that. Funny for the 5 seconds my eyes popped out of my head though.
I do find it sad that the Ghost family has gone their separate ways. That is only natural of course but I wish there had been direct contact between Hera and Sabine. They can do their own thing but I want them to still feel like family.
I remain unhappy with Rosario’s acting choices with Ahsoka is I am honest. She doesn’t emote enough. It’s like “serene wisdom” was a memo she got and she applies it to everything. Pretty sure I said that after her Mandalorian appearance. There’s none of the heart or humour that Ahsoka still had as an adult in Rebels. Yes she had grown and there wasn’t the sass of the Clone Wars but she still had a personality and an intensity. Rosario just looks bored most of the time.
I am not loving that faced with a battle Sanine grabs Ezra’s lightsaber rather than her Mandalorian blasters. Why not at least both? I guess there wasn’t time but it felt like a conscious choice to grab the saber. Sabine should still be allowed to be Sabine!
She got a saber through the chest!!!!!
OMG OMG. Did not see that coming. I mean a bacta tank should hopefully fix it but yikes. Good job I guess they dropped two episodes because holy cliffhanger Batman. Although I mean logically she has to be fine, we have seen her in the trailer with the short hair. Can I just say that if she’s been wearing I don’t know her ARMOR then that wouldn’t have happened. Mando battled Moff Gideon’s dark saber with a beskar spear so it makes sabers bounce a bit. Cut through eventually yeah but not like a hot knife and butter.
Right episode two!
It really doesn’t speak well to Ahsoka to basically do a passive aggressive “you have done enough” aka “this is your fault you should have stayed on the ship like I told you”. I mean that’s not entirely untrue and frustration is natural, but again I think it’s because she doesn’t emote. It comes across as a petty point score rather than an honest feeling. The Ahsoka I know and love from the animation just isn’t like that.
It is kinda cool that Ahsoka can sense echoes like Cal Kestis. Shame they don’t glow blue like in the game haha.
With the loth-cat it is a puppet like Grogu I think? And I can see his expression in the loth-cat. I guess it’s how they are constructed? It’s a bit funny though.
Finally! Hera and Sabine talk. I am on the fence about Hera’s actress. Sabine’s thought is good, I am getting a Sabine vibe (writing/story choices aside 🙄). Still getting a bad breakup exes vibe which is amusing me. Also the whole “haven’t seen her in years” is making me wish they would clarify how far past the rebellion this is. I don’t think they have? Or if they did it was a blink and miss it. I always thought the end Rebels scene was pretty much right after Endor. This feels like it’s been several years after that.
I am a bit confused about this whole two galaxies thing? I suppose that would definitely qualify as the unknown regions 🤷♂️ “Power like you have never dreamed” is a motivation I guess but I had read that these weren’t supposed to be Sith (hence orange blades, not red) so it doesn’t feel like it quite fits.
Screaming!!!! The Phantom 2!!!! *gasps* Chopper!!!! I did see somebody joking about why has Hera not upgraded the Separatist shuttle after all these years. I guess with the Rebellion it was very much ‘make do and mend’ and if it still flies then why bother.
Hera’s surprise at ex-Imperials working everywhere seems strange given her position as General (shouldn’t she know that?) and questioning their loyalty just doesn’t feel like a Hera question. The guy is practical in what he said about how the average citizen doesn’t care who is in charge, they just do their job. I just finished reading A New Dawn and Hera had similar views. Not everyone had the right mindset to be a Rebel and that was ok. I mean with how massive the Empire was, and how they made everyone they could serve it, people had to eat/take care of their families. Hera would understand that. It just doesn’t feel right that she would tar everyone with the disloyal brush. I mean ok that was the case, they were imperial remnants but it was a clumsy hint.
I have never really liked Jedi calling them apprentices rather than padawans as that was always a term I associated with the Sith. I do like that I felt Hera had mom vibes when she was talking to Ahsoka about Sabine. Sticking up for her kid, I approve of that. I really can’t shake the bad breakup exes vibe. It is amusing me greatly.
Rosario runs really slowly. I do not get Jedi physical enhancement at all. I don’t wish to be mean about her because I don’t want to be mean to anyone. I mean she has been cast as Ahsoka, this is who we are watching. It is annoying the feeling that she’s not doing the best job. But that’s mostly because I have an image of Ahsoka I guess and what I am seeing doesn’t match it.
I love that Hera is flying. When things are at their worst, she is at her best. The best damn pilot in the galaxy, I love that for her. I am laughing about Chopper looking through his junk drawer and just tossing stuff. The way Chopper emotes I just love it. The best droid. So much personality.
Sabine meditating and cutting her hair gave me chills in the trailer. That’s what Kanan did right before he died. That better not be foreshadowing!!
With the library I have a request in for the first Alphabet Squadron book. I think that was Hera on a mission at the shipyards? I wonder if this ties in somehow.
I know we saw it in the trailer but I do still love the redo of the Rebels scene with Ahsoka coming for Sabine at the painting. What I am not loving is that I can’t see blasters. Sabine where are your blasters? This is bugging me! If they do want to go the Jedi route why could she not keep them? Kanan carried a blaster. Ezra carried a blaster. It’s not like Jedi don’t, ugh!
Ok I have seen both episodes now. I am confused and frustrated. This whole map business… I hate it I really do. I am decidedly not thrilled at best about Sabine being a Jedi, and Ahsoka doesn’t vibe right. But oh man seeing Lothal, and the Phantom 2, and the whole shots of those Rebels scenes made live, and Azadi, the painting, Chopper!!! Hera-ish, still on the fence with how she vibes. Sabine is good. I’m not massively in love with this show but there is enough good here that I am counting down to next week.
Aaaaand I am still snickering about Sabine and Ahsoka being exes 😂 ok new headcanon for the laughs. They hooked up and they sparred because they are warriors. People saw and assumed Ahsoka was training Sabine and they must be master and apprentice, because Jedi don’t hook up. Kanan obviously did and so Hera guesses the truth which is why she was pushing so hard for them to make up. I know, I know, it mostly doesn’t pass or if it does there are power dynamics I personally wouldn’t ship unless they are joking. Ahsoka can do deadpan humour.
I can’t believe we made it two episodes and still no Ghost. I feel teased.
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I figured I’d make this something fun to do and dug out my inner roleplay writing self to make these cheesy comments towards the characters.
Goodbye to...
...my one and only, Renzei. Your story won’t fade into the night, but will rise upon dawn.
...my sinful desire, Yvette. Meeting you was like a dream come true and I never want to wake up from it.
...my winter prince, Sevastian. The ice has melted and winter is ending, but you’ll always be my winter prince.
...my vampire husband, Antonio. The first bite, the taste of blood...something intimate and sensual, a gentle touch of your skin in the night.
...my rose knight, Alain. Wishing you peace, you need not raise your blade to shed blood again.
... my deer hart, Cyprin. Stay true to your heart, never change to please others.
...my blissful dream, Zain. Remember that without darkness, there is no light.
...my warrior poet, Astraeus. After many battles, it’s truly a blessing to see the sun rise again and again with you.
...my demon assassin, Darius. Until we spread our wings and fly again.
...my partner in crime, Remy. In the end, the lucky franc was truly lucky in bringing us happiness.
...my bounty hunter, Nav. Peace? Settling down? Nah, let’s go cause more chaos!
...my fairytale, Ezra. Finally, happily ever after.
...my social media star, Andi. When’s the next gay brunch? Where’s the boba?
It was a fun 4-5 years, made a ton of fanart, wrote some fanfics, and cosplayed as Andi, SWM MC, and L&L MC. I’m happy the game existed, I learned so much. It’s a completely different experience from the traditional Japanese otome APPs I’ve played. I actually picked up playing Court of Darkness from Voltage a while ago. But, it’s not something I’d spend money on.
Oh god, I learned how to use a damn sewing machine cause I wanted to cosplay. Andi and L&L MCs were my first ever cosplays. The costumes are still hanging in my closet. Same w/ the SWM MC costume. I improved at drawing and writing cause of inspiration from all the stories. I learned and experienced so many things due to this APP.
Hopefully soon I can release sketches and promo art on my Renzei sequel. The timeline and character ages are hard to grasp, but it’d make Renzei and MC in their late 40s cause the main character of the sequel is their daughter in her 20s. For those who saw my April Fools joke post, you can prob all guess what her name is. ;-)
#im just reading yvette rn#i prob forgot some characters oops#about 3hrs left to spend with yvette#reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee#am i about to take my phone with me into the shower...? maybe..........................................? maybe i shud leave it outside lmao#I NEED TO WASH MY HAIR AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#but also i want to finish rereading yvette#the dilemma...1st world problems#i wish i had all of ezras heart scenes...sad#i only have some of them#he wants her future to be bright#renzei named his daughter Dawn.
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If I may ask; what is your opinion of Rebel's Era (canon) Maul?
Whilst I didn't feel like he was written out of character per se and I understand that Rebels aired prior to TCW Season 7, I felt like it was somewhat disappointing after what happened during Order 66.
I understand that he has lost hope and is, very reasonably, afraid of Sheev, but there's a few things that confuse me like the fact that whilst running the biggest criminal empire he never looked for Kenobi prior to Rebels (he knew Ashoka survived, so why shouldn't Kenobi?) or how exactly he ended up on Malachor and nobody came to look for him their criminal boss. Now the Dathomir-part was actually interesting, but I do feel, yet again, like it could have used more exposition and explaination considering he was there like 3x times in his entire life and everyone's dead, so who even sustained the Ichor after Talzin's death? Maul wasn't on Dathomir for at least some time.
It just felt like they knew Maul would draw in viewers, not like they had a plan for his character and that was kind of a pity?!
Obviously Maul couldn't interfere with pre-existing canon but at some point I really wondered why he was still in the story considering that Ezra's literal use of the darkside, due to Mauls prior influence & the holocron, for what we can assume to be months never mattered again after a single episode for some reason.
I love seeing Maul but I wished they did more with his character? I mean, it hurts to read e.g. Son of Dathomir, but it's still good and builds his character.
The only major thing I found consistent was him missing Savage, which obviously just broke my heart.
Dying by Kenobi's hand was poetic, but of course really sad and I wished there had been more to this scene - either conveyed through animation/dialouge or by having them part ways differently.
Also I can't believe Maul - a criminal mastermind - didn't manage to figure out that Kenobi was on Tatooine after seeing Twin Suns for almost the majority of a season. You know. The guy who used to track and hunt down whomever Sidious required him too for years. The same zabrak that basically ran a prison into the ground in lockdown whilst not/barely even touching upon his force powers and finding the dealer who managed to stay undercover for probably decades. Also the planet they literally first met.
I know the creators and Sam Witwer have repeatedly liked Maul to Sisyphus, but I don't think this applies to Rebel's Maul. Rebel's Maul, besides his motivation/need to find a new brother apprentice, just seems so hopeless and borderline suicidal? He doesn't know if it's worth trying anymore, which makes the idea of running a criminal empire so odd, seeing as he knows his insignificance to Sidious, whose downfall is all he is really yearning/hoping for. I know that his desperation always rivals his intense need to survive, but I really didn't got the latter from Rebels.
Idk, maybe it's just me, but I'm very keen on your thoughts.
(2/2) I'm asking you in particular about Rebels Maul because I feel like maybe I might be missing something or am lacking a certain insight into his character which you might have.
I think Solo made about as much sense as tits on a boar. I even said that when it came out. Maul's whole purpose to building a criminal empire was to have enough power to get to Kenobi. He had no interest in being rich or anything else, and frankly, even in TCW, he left Almec to run things on Mandalore while he nursed his grudge. So this whole Crimson Dawn crap is just-- weak. It makes no sense. It was fanservice.
I'm sure I've written my opinions on Rebels before, but in brief:
1.) Maul's characterization wasn't terrible, but the writing was super fucking lazy. No kidding. Especially his ending. That was Filoni basically splooging all over himself about how dEeeEEeP he was being without realizing... man, nothing here even makes sense. He took a character he didn't create and didn't want to bring back in the first place and giggled to himself behind his stupid hat because he got to kill him off. Since Disney's shit, they're like, "Oh, sure."
2.) Maul already hurt Kenobi and took his revenge when he skewered Satine. Like you, I think the only reason he would have sought Kenobi out would have been because he wanted closure. Be it death or simply some ending. I explored what would have happened had Kenobi been a proper adult and apologized for his part in Maul's suffering when I wrote In defiance, because I absolutely believe they could have done some considerably more interesting with all of that.
3.) Honestly, like-- every time they've killed Maul off in canon, it's been a dumbass mistake. Because he's popular and once you close-end a character, it becomes a lot harder to do anything meaningful with them in canon. Because they offed him, he will never have a genuinely meaty storyline again and will forever be relegated to cheap cameos that capitalize on his popularity.
Dunno if that's what you're looking for Anon-buddy. Mostly, I just think the ending of Maul in Rebels came down to super lazy writing.
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Blaire Reviews: Arin Season 1
Disclaimer: This is all my opinion, you are allowed to disagree with me. I encourage you to read this route and form your own opinions.
First Impressions
I was in love with Arin ever since I first saw them in Nora’s route. This is a route that I (and I’m sure many others) have been waiting for after nearly a year, and it surpassed all of my expectations.
We're thrown into the action in the first episode with the introduction of the jabberwocky. Arin reveals to FMC their role as the Guardian, the magic library, and the secrets within it that they have to protect. They put the jabberwocky back in its pen, where Arin realizes that the lock had been tampered with.
Due to Arin's busy schedule, they leave FMC in charge of watching over the library. They give her some rules to follow, one of which being to never open the books. But as FMC was walking around, she was hit on the head, knocking some books over. When FMC opened her eyes, she was met with some very familiar faces.
Now that Nora, Lucas, and Ezra are here, FMC and Arin have to help them blend in at the university. This leads to FMC's brilliant idea to pretend they were advertising the school's Renaissance Fair.
This entire scene had me cackling, I love this trio.
It was sad to see Arin being the one to apologize for the trio being stuck in the world, considering that it wasn't their fault in any way. They feel so much pressure to make everyone happy, and blame themself for not being able to fix everything. (My poor baby 🥺)
Arin and FMC manage to convince MMC to let the trio stay at the lighthouse without him finding out about magic. FMC tries to apologize to Arin for the books, but they tell her not to worry about it, which leads to what is possibly my favorite scene of the season!
Marrymemarrymemarryme-
After that beautiful moment (ILOVETHEMSOMUCHAHHHH), FMC and Arin do some research in the garden with the jabberwocky (am I the only one who wishes they would give it a name? I think it would be cute). While there, Ezra comes in, telling them that there is an issue with Nora.
Arin decides to let the jabberwocky stay in the garden (I'm sure that won't have any consequences later on), and the three of them go into a classroom to find Nora trying to calm a wind spell. Arin leaves suddenly, only to come back with Omar, who is revealed to be Aladdin. Again, plot points being revealed earlier in Arin's route than in others. Speaking of which, we also get hints of the memory spell earlier on.
As for the Jabberwocky, leaving it out of its pen might not have been the best option. It ends up inside of the lighthouse, attracted by the smell of the stew Nora was making. After managing to calm it down and returning it to its pen, FMC notices Jackie looking at them through the window. She comes up with a random excuse and leaves, which is not suspicious whatsoever.
The next morning, there is a gift basket on the table, and MMC drinks a small bottle of milk with "drink me" on the label and starts growing.
There is a slight possibility that he might know about the magic now.
Arin is able to get MMC back to normal, and explains everything to him. The group goes to the magic library, and Arin tells FMC that they need their help with something important. They go to their room where they reveal:
So they had to swallow a seed from one of the whitethorn trees to gain their abilities. But are they implying that the trees rotting is killing them? It could lead to some interesting conflict, but at the same time, I don't want them to be in pain. They've already been through enough.
In order to help the trees, Arin and FMC summon the woodsman, which is the third route so far that Abel has made an appearance in. And once again, it's implied that there might be a route for him with MMC in the future.
FMC and Arin go to feed the jabberwocky, only to realize that the lock has been broken, the jabberwocky was gone, and the scones from the gift basket were on the ground. Arin was able to figure out where the culprit might be, and they and FMC were shocked (somehow) that it was Jackie.
She reveals that she was trying to steal a jabberwocky for the Red Queen, and Abel recognizes her as the Knave of Hearts. Arin gets angry with her, telling her that she has to stay at the university if she doesn't want to get into more trouble with them.
FMC offers to help Arin with research, but after a small intimate interaction, Arin seems to panic and tells her not to worry about it. FMC relents but sees a letter with Arin's name on it that they missed.
Final Thoughts
I love love LOVED this season! Arin was incredible, the writing was beautiful, the plot was intriguing, and it's so exciting to see how everything plays out.
It seems like The Brothers Grimm are going to play a bigger part in the plot later on. I'm still worried about how the trees rotting might affect Arin, but now that Abel's here, things will hopefully improve.
I'm probably definitely biased when I say this, but this season was absolutely perfect, and I can't wait for season 2!
Overall Rating: 10/10
Favorite CG:
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Hayloft- Ezra x Reader P.5
AN: After a bit of waiting here it is!!!! Part 5! I really love this chapter, so much so that I haven’t really edited it because I wanted to share it with you guys lol. So if you see something that doesn’t look right please tell me! Love you guys and I hope you like this chapter!
Masterlist
Words: 3.8k (almost 3.9k....this is the most I have written for one chapter lol)
Warnings: AFAB reader, descriptions of depression, mentions of attempted assault, this chapter gets a little spicy at the end so 18+ just to be safe?, that’s it we are back to fluff lol
According to the town doctor, Ezra had managed to break Tucker’s nose, two of his teeth, and fracture one of his eyesockets, while he himself on managed to get a bruised jaw, and swollen bloody and bruised fist. I, on the other hand, only suffered from a bruised forehead and cheek, miscellaneous scratches, and a bloody nose.
It had only taken about fifteen minutes before Anthony had been sent by my father to go looking for Tucker and Ezra. When he found the three of us, I am sure the scene in the barn was quite a shock. I wish I could say that I had seen his face when he realized what he was looking at, but by the time he had made his way to the back of the barn I had buried my face into Ezra’s neck as he held me and rocked us both trying to calm me down. I had heard Anthony coming, but I was too scared to look up, only clutching at Ezra’s torn shirt.
I did nothing but cling to Ezra as he told Anthony what he had stumbled upon and what he had done, spitting venomous words in Tucker’s direction and holding me close. Anthony didn’t say much and he only really grabbed my shirt that had been thrown aside and brought it towards where we both sat in the corner. Anthony had placed my shirt gently in my lap and gave me a small kiss on the top of my head, which in turn caused me to start crying again, and he then went and grabbed Tucker’s legs and dragged him out of the barn telling the two of us to that he was going to get father.
Ezra had slowly helped me to my feet and into my shirt, before grabbing my face and kissing the tears from my cheeks. Then he lead me from the barn slowly with his hand resting on the small of my back as my arms crossed across my torso holding myself tightly, my eyes not leaving the ground.
The rest of the day passed in pretty much a blur. I barely remember the doctor coming for a visit, I don’t remember how I got to the house, let alone into my room, and I don’t remember when I fell asleep.
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Once again I found myself staying in the house doing small tasks away from the others. The difference, though, was this time it was self imposed. I just couldn’t find it in me to make my way outside and be around the others. Especially knowing that I wouldn’t be able to interact with Ezra in the way that I wanted too, the way I needed too. So instead, I stayed inside and cleaned things that didn’t need to be cleaned, organized things that were already organzied, and cooked meals. I threw myself into anything that could distract me from the events that felt like had left a scar on my very soul. I felt broken and dirty, even though I knew that nothing had really happened. But, the thoughts and feelings of uselessness just wouldn’t fade and the crept into my every waking moment.
The only good that had come from the whole situation was that my father had taken to letting Ezra eat with the rest of us again. It was only then, when Ezra sat across from me with his easy smile and flourishing words that I would truely feel safe, and those thoughts that refused to leave me alone would fade to a static in the back of my head. Instead they were replaced with Ezra speaking openly as Anthony asked him questions, and my head was only full of the the sight of Ezra’s soft obsidian eyes swirling with the galaxies and stars he had seen on his adventures and his soft oddly soothing accented voice. My father always stayed quiet during meals only eating and maybe giving a small grunt if asked a question. My father even stayed quiet as each night Ezra would softly ask about my day and how I was feeling.
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Things weren’t okay, but things were finally getting better.
Roughly two weeks after everything had happened with Tucker I had managed to get myself to do the laundry. What had finally pushed me to fill the tub with steaming water and get the soaps out was when I noticed that Ezra had been wearing the same clothes for the at least last three days if not longer.
It had taken all morning to get all of my father’s and Anthony’s clothes clean and hung onto the clothes line beside the house. After a short water break, I got to work on my clothes all the while keeping an eye out and taking note of any clothes that needed mended. My father had a couple of shirts with small tears along the seam, Anthony per usual had managed to tear the pockets on his pants and was missing a button on one of his shirts, while I only had a small tear on the back of my favorite shirt from where it had caught a lose nail.
Once I had hung my clothes to dry, I reached for Ezra’s to place them in the tub only to stop short. Ezra, when we had walked from town to the farm, had only been carrying a small sack in which he only could hold two or three pairs of clothes, at most. Looking at the shirt in my hand now, I was surprised the shirt was still in one piece. The shirt was thread bare from what I could only assume was years of use, it had several holes running along the bottom part of the left sleeve as well as wear on the right, and a few along the bottom hem in the front. The other shirt he had in there was worse for wear, having a huge tear near the neck from the fight with Tucker. The pants weren’t much better, the knees rubbed thin from years of kneeling on rough surfaces and the cuffs were scuffed and held several holes of varying sizes, not to mention the sizable hole that was in the crotch of the pants, that only served to turn my face red once I had noticing it, and caused me to wonder how he had managed to hide the hole without anyone noticing.
I washed Ezra’s clothes carefully with a frown, not wanting to cause more harm, all the while trying my best to remove as many stains as possible. As I was hanging the tattered clothes on the clothes line next to mine I couldn’t help but to wonder when the last time Ezra had bought himself new clothes, because it was obvious on both shirts that he had them both when he still had his other arm.
Shaking my head, I smoothed my hand over the shirt I had just washed with a sad smile before an idea caused me to hurriedly clean up the washing tub and put away the soaps quickly. Once back in the house I went to my room and grabbed my small sewing kit, as well as my button tin placing them onto my bed, before turning to my dresser and biting my bottom lip.
When my father had finally figured out that Joshua had left the farm for good he had gone into a blind rage and had made the decision to remove and sell everything he had left behind in his room. He started with the bigger things like his bed and the small desk he had made himself for Joshua. Then he got rid of the small dresser and all of Joshua’s small little nick nacks. When all that was left was Joshua’s clothes my father had marched out of the house and made a bonfire towards the back of the farm. When I had realized what he was doing, I had grabbed what I could without it being obvious and had hid them in the bottom of my dresser under my underclothes, knowing that my father would never look in that drawer.
Now, I reach inside and grab the three shirts, two long sleeved and one t-shirt, and a pair cargo pants. The shirts, while they didn’t have holes, it was obvious that they were second hand, as they each had their own signs of wear, but they were each still in much better condition than what Ezra owned now.
Turning to my bed, with my lip still between my teeth I gently laid the clothes onto my bed before taking a deep breath and getting to work. It hurt slightly knowing that by doing this I was erasing some of the few reminders of Joshua I still had in my life, but I knew in my heart that this more important than letting the clothing items waste away in my dresser. For the two long sleeved shirts, I took the right sleeve and cut it down and sewed it closed so that Ezra wouldn’t have to worry about pinning them up anymore, and for the pants I made it so that the waist was adjustable so that if he needed to he could tighten them or loosened them, because I wasn’t sure how well, or if, the pants would fit him. As for the t-shirt, I didn’t really do anything to it beyond mending the tear along the left side that I hadn’t noticed until I had went to refold it.
The next morning after breakfast I had gone outside and collected the clothes folding and mending them. My father’s and Anthony’s, I left on their beds, and mine I put away, but I left Ezra’s pile of clothes neatly folded on my bed. That night at dinner I had smiled and talked a little more than I had in the last few weeks. It was obvious that Ezra was also in a good mood, and he kept meeting my eyes and smiling at me when my cheeks would turn slightly red.
My father had went to bed almost as soon as Ezra had left the house. As I did the dishes, Anthony had come up behind me offering to dry them and put them away. I had only smiled and handed him the towel. We stayed silent as we finished the few dishes that were left. As I was drying my hands, I jumped a little when Anthony broke the silence saying my name. When I looked up at him he looked me in the eye and took a deep breathe before quietly asking, “When you leave, tell me so I can say goodbye, okay?”
Shocked I could only nod, looking back into his eyes as he stared into mine. He gave me a small smile and then he left the kitchen and I listened as he walked up the stairs and into his room. I stood there for a few minutes trying to really process what had just happened. I must have stood there longer than I had thought because by the time I had moved up to my room and looked out the window the sun was completely gone from the sky and two of K-5’s moons at already risen.
Walking to my bed I grabbed the stack of Ezra’s clothes, both new and old, and turned to quietly walk out of the room, only stopping at my dresser and grabbing the bundle of flowers I had found on the floor of the spare room and placing them on top of the folded clothes in my hands.
Creeping out of the house and into the barn was a new experience. I was used to sneaking around, and until about a month or so I had thought that I had perfected it. But, something about sneaking around outside felt different and it made me more paranoid than usual. Finally reaching the barn didn’t help matters, either. The main area of the barn felt as though it held unimaginable horrors in every dark corner, making me jumpy and scared for what I knew was nothing. Slowly, I made my way to the latter that lead to where I knew Ezra was, all the while my ears were alert and listening for any noise, nothing but the wind could be heard though.
Once in the hayloft I relaxed slightly, not completely though, and scanned the small area, squinting and trying to find Ezra. With my first scan of the area I didn’t see him so I stepped further into the hayloft, the small amount of hay that was up there crunching under my feet. This time as I scanned the area, I whispered out Ezra’s name, too scared to raise my voice any higher. At what I can only assume to be the sound of his name being called, I heard Ezra rustling behind me, and right as I turn in the direction of the sound I heard him call out, “Flower, is that you? Truly you? Because I must confess that I have had many dreams of this situation only to wake aching to hold you and hear your voice. And at this point if you are just another of my my traitorous mind’s illustrious illusions, I might have to break into the house and visit you myself…”
Sighing and smiling at Ezra’s confession all I could do was walk towards where his voice came from. Once I reached him I could see the melancholic look in his eyes in the low light of the small lamp he had lit after hearing my voice. After taking him in for a second, I shyly looked to the floor and bit my lip before clearing my throat.
“I, um… I brought you your laundry. And I hope you don’t mind but I also fixed them up to the best of my abilities, I’m not exactly a seamstress but the holes and tears are closed….”
Smiling Ezra held his hand out and helped me sit across from him on the floor of the hayloft. After sitting I slowly passed the clothes to him chewing on my bottom lip in anticipation of what his reaction would be to both his clothes and the new items I had made for him. Ezra’s first reaction was to small and take the flowers, reaching across and placing them behind my ear with a soft, ‘there, perfect’. Then we sat in silence as Ezra meticulously looked over his clothes with a small loving smile, and when he got to the new clothes the smile turned into more of a confused one as he looked up at me.
“Flower, you claim not to be a seamstress, but this stitching is as close to perfect as anyone would get, I don’t think anyone would think that there was even hole in any of these garments. For Kevva’s sake you even found and patched that embarrassing hole in the intimate areas of my pants that I have until now successfully and embarrassingly hidden from you and the other two. But, flower, I do think you may have mixed some of either your Father’s or your brother’s clothing in with mine, for I know without a doubt these are not mine.”
Looking down messing with my nails in my lap I quietly answered, “Well, you see...I noticed your clothes were, um, well for lack of a better term, worse for wear, and I had some of Joshua’s old clothes so I thought I would fix them up for you. Modify them slightly to fit you better.”
As I spoke, I could see Ezra sorting through the new clothes, unfolding them to inspect them. Slowly I raised my head to watch him as he rubbed the cloth between his thumb and forefinger. I watched as he realized that I had patched the right sleeves to fit what was left of his missing limb. And I watched as his eyes met mine, with a look in them that I couldn’t put my finger on.
Getting embarrassed I looked back down at my lap and finished what I was saying with a quick, “I only modified the new cloths because I didn’t want to mess with your clothes just in case you didn’t like the modifications, and if you don’t like it I can, I can just take them back to the house. You don’t have to kee-”
“You would have to pry this gratuitous gift from my cold dead hands, flower. These are………. Flower, I am a man of many words and you have managed to take them all away from me with this small, but pure, act of kindness. I must admit that I had not gotten new clothing for myself in quite some time, while it be because of self loathing or because I didn’t see the point in new clothes if they were to only end up like the ones I have now, I am not sure. But these are more than what I could ask for. Precious flower you really though of everything when getting these ready for me, didn’t you? Kevva above, what did I do in a past life to deserve your absolute beauty and kindness because gods know that I didn’t do anything good enough for you in this one.”
Laughing quietly, I could only shake my head as my eyes started to get watery. Looking back up at Ezra, I was only met with a gaze that held so much emotion that it almost hurt to return. Ezra then set the clothes to the side and moved closer to me, our knees pressed against each other, and he reached his hand out, pressing it into the side of my neck with a sigh.
“Flower, I must admit that it was starting to get to hard for me not to reach arcoss that damned table at meals and just touch you. I have missed your touch more than I ever thought possible. This time without your touch made walking through a desert without water seem much more comfortable and appeasing. Seeing you so close, and not being able to have you has torn this old prospector’s heart and soul to shreds. Darling precious flower, please allow me the salvation that is your lips on mine, for I think a second longer without them might spell my death.”
Laughing again at Ezra’s dramatics, I lean towards him only to to feel his hand pull me as close as possible as he crashes his lips against mine. I couldn’t help the small moan that escaped me as my lips met his in a kiss that felt like Ezra was trying to devour my very being. Ezra’s hand moved to the back of my neck, his fingers sinking into my hair. My own hands finding their way onto Ezra’s chest and into the hair above his ear, as he pressed his tongue against mine deepening the kiss.
By the time we seperated both of our chests were heaving for breathe, and I finally noticed that at some point during the kiss we had moved closer, I had ended up on Ezra’s lap with my legs wrapped around his waist.
Ezra smiled blissfully up at me and nudged my nose with his own, and when he spoke I could feel his breath fan aross my kiss swollen lips, “Thank you, flower, I can say that after a kiss like that, I don’t think I am going to die on you anytime soon.”
“So you are saying that one was enough? You don’t need anymore?”
Laughing, Ezra pulled back far enough to meet my eyes. “One, will never me enough with you, my sweet flower. You are as addicting as any forbidden substance and you should come with a warning for the weary travels like me.”
Before I could so much as laugh, Ezra connected our lips into another heart achingly passionate kiss. His hand moved from my neck to rub up and down my back and pulling me closer so that our chests are pressed tightly against one another. Using my leg to press closer to Ezra, I without realizing ground down onto him which pulled a gasp from me and a groan from him as Ezra bucked his hips up into mine allowing me to feel just how excited he was to see me.
Ezra pulled away from the kiss then and placed his hand onto my hip as he looked into my eyes with a serious expression and in the most serious voice I have ever heard him use he asked, “Flower, I need to know now if you want this, because if you say yes I would love to do nothing more than to worship every last part of you, and treat you like the absolute goddess that you are. But, if you do not want this, I understand. Afterall it was only a few weeks ago that-”
“Please, don’t talk about it… I.. I want this, Ezra,” and looking him dead in the eye I spoke quietly, “Ezra, please make me forget. Make me forget anything but you.”
With the consent that he was hoping and praying for, Ezra jumped into action pressing me off his lap and laying me onto the soft, but scratchy hay. Slowly he made good on his promise to worship my body. Slowly removing my clothes and revealing my body to him. He kissed, sucked, massaged, and marked every part of my body making me squirm for him.
When he undressed, he kissed me slowly and allowed me to run my hands over him, as he groaned and sighed at my touches. Once he had gotten impatient with only soft touches, he deepened the kiss as he pleasured me with his beautifully calloused and rough fingers, drawing out the first of many orgasms. After his fingers he followed with his mouth, making me moan and whine his name as he brought me to my peak as many times as I allowed him to, until I had to push his head away, too sensitive from his ministrations.
Moving back up my body, Ezra kissed me slowly as I came down from the high that he had thrown me into, all the while still stroking my body in anyway he could. Once I had caught my breath, Ezra moved his lips to my ear and whispered, “Are you sure you want this?”
And with a nod, because he had taken all my ability to speak anything but his name, he pulled back and sat on his knees as he pulled my hips and angled them, with my help, before he slowly pressed himself into me. I had been with a few boys from my planet, but they couldn’t compare to in any way to how full Ezra made me feel once he was seated fully inside of me. Moaning his name, all I could do was clutch at the hay that surrounded me as Ezra made love to me until we were both more than exhausted.
Laying in the hayloft with Ezra’s head resting on my heart, I had never felt more loved or happy or safe in my life. And all I could do was wish that this feeling or this moment would never end.
(Per usual THANK YOU for reading!! Every single one of you mean so much to me! All feedback is welcome, I especially love hearing your thoughts about the last chapter! Reblogs really help with spreading the story, so if you don’t mind, please reblog? And if you would like to be added to the taglist just shoot me an ask and I’d be more than happy to add you! I hope you guys have a lovely week and I’ll see you with the next part!)
Tags: @babybelou @farrvey @anatanotegami @revolution-starter @cadelinhadopedropascal @lucifurrr @coolfishoperatoreagle @pugdalorian @callsigncatfish @marydjarin @jeeperky
(Marked out people on the taglist, tumblr wouldn't let me tag you! Sorry!)
#pedro pascal#ezra prospect x reader#ezra x reader#ezra (prospect)#ezra (prospect) x reader#ezra prospect#ezra x female reader
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Star Wars Fic Rec List Part 4
All fics are complete, some may be in incomplete series.
still much that is fair by raineyday
Word count: 21173 Chapter count: 8
Anakin Skywalker was used to following the commands of the Force in his daily life. But a lot of the time, that didn't really mean much. Until the day the Force nudged him to catch a kid falling through the sky- and through time.
Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi was so tired of failing. He just couldn't handle it anymore. He always disappointed people. It would be better to just rip off the bandaid and remove the problem. He wasn't expecting to be caught in the attempt- or in the future.
Time traveling Obi-Wan on one end, and a Jedi Order losing their mind on the other. Mind the tags on this one.
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Life has a way of rewriting the story by K_R_Closson
Word count: 39193 Chapter count: 3
Obi-Wan Kenobi, failed Jedi initiate, never makes it to Bandomeer. Instead, she lands on Tatooine and has to figure out how to survive on a desert planet without losing her freedom.
When Anakin's destiny takes him to Coruscant and the Jedi, is this Obi-Wan's second chance? Or does her future lie elsewhere, with Jango Fett and his mysterious job on Kamino?
Okay, so normally I don’t read fem!obi, but I didn’t see the tags in time when I first read this this fic was so good, I had to keep going. Obi-Wan accidentally cons the entirety of Tatooine, what more can you wish for?
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When Night Falls by penguinkiwi
Word count: 5052 Chapter count: 1
In one universe, newly minted Sith Darth Vader, once Anakin Skywalker, kills the Jedi Battlemaster, Cin Drallig.
In another, Cin Drallig kills him.
Amazing fic, this is what first introduced me to the character of Cin Drallig. Whoever wrote this DEFINITELY knows how to write lightsaber battles.
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stars sing my name, scars tell my story by whymylife(nabringa)
Word count: 13994 Chapter count: 3
Anakin wasn’t sure how to ask, so he didn't.
Instead, he waited until Master Kenobi fell asleep and stayed up to tinker in the dark, building his own scanner out of parts stolen from the trash.
The chip was in his right thigh.
Anakin realizes that the clones have slave chips in their heads and ends the war before it begins. Lots of freed slave-related angst. Also, Shmi lives.
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Free the hearts and rust the chains by littlekaracan
First part in incomplete series. Word count: 464367 Chapter count: 3
There aren't many clones left in the Imperial Army. The ones that stay alive do so through methodical obeisance, resembling droids more than people.
Occasionally, some go rogue. There are stories of clones blowing up entire Star Destroyers for the Generals they killed themselves, stories of them awaiting execution and spitting curses at the officers for depriving the Galaxy of what should've become peace, stories of quiet, sobbed apologies in their sleep directed at the long-dead Jedi. Such clones, according to the Imperial Command, are not to be trusted.
Zhade-Ran doesn't trust her two bunkmates. Although perhaps not for the reasons she should.
Imperial defectors abound!!!! Cody and Boil are on a team with two other stormtroopers, and all four desert after a mission where they’re assumed dead. I put that the series is incomplete, but both works can be read with the series still having a satisfying ending.
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In Sacrifice, Peace by artikka
Word count: 5757 Chapter count: 1
“Shh. . .” Anakin says, gathering the younglings around him, reminding Obi-wan of all those whispered arguments where he had insisted to Anakin that yes, he was good with children, he’d be just fine teaching Ahsoka. He can almost feel the terror rising off Anakin from the hologram; Anakin doesn’t know what’s happening either. But he isn’t letting the younglings feel it. “You need to listen to me very carefully, okay? This--” his voice breaks, “--this is going to be scary. But you have to be calm, and strong. Just like Master Yoda taught you.
* * * * *
Or, the ROTS au where Obi-wan finds a very different type of pain while looking through the Temple's recordings of Order 66.
An Anakin doesn’t fall AU, with all sorts of angst. Delightfully sad.
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Still dancing with your ghosts (sleeping with your memories) by jcp_sob_rlj_lmep
Word count: 1070 Chapter count: 1
Everyone knows about the Massacre, and how no Jedi made it out alive.
The Jedi refuse to let anyone forget.
The Jedi, and later the clones, are ghosts that haunt the galaxy. Amazing fic told from a second-person POV. Normally I don’t like 2nd person POV, but this one is amazing
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In a Warped Time by Lochcamean
Word count: 20392 Chapter count: 1
In a single moment, history is changed forever and Depa Billaba is faced with a life she was never meant to have.
Role swap AU where Caleb/Kanan dies in Order 66 and Depa lives. Super interesting character study, especially because Depa is aware that the roles should have been reversed because of her Seeing abilities. Ezra is her padawan here.
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sand on memories and armor by loosingletters
Word count: 2122 Chapter count: 1
"Uncle Ben, Boba is messing around with Cody's weapons again!"
"Shut up, Luke!"
A family can be you, your former Commander, your apprentice's son and an eighteen-year-old with identity issues. Obi-Wan's life on Tatooine is slightly different than he thought it would turn out to be.
Obi-Wan and Cody vibe on Tatooine and try to keep their house from exploding.
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Today is the Day That Nobody Dies by omegarose
Word count: 1154 Chapter count: 1
A brief rewrite of a scene from ziggyzigzagged's "Ib'tuur Jatne Tuur Ash'ad Kyr'amur" where the fight in the reactor room doesn't end in Maul or Qui-Gon's death.
Qui-Gon’s POV while he watches reactor footage of a time traveling Obi-Wan and Maul in the reactor room. I’ve read this one so many times, I love it.
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JUSTICE LEAGUE SNYDER CUT SPOILERS!!!
So, due to the nature of this film my opinions are going to be all over the place and admittedly biased. I am a huge Justice League fan, I hate Zack Snyder, I hated the original Justice League by Snyder and Whedon and I’m not the biggest fan of Batman or Superman.
The Editing:
I’m kind of between the acknowledgment that this was Frankensteined together and wasn’t meant to be released and the fact that Snyder was given like 70 million to make this movie so what’s up? Let’s start with the negatives. This movie could’ve been waaay shorter by editing out SO MANY unnecessary scenes and slow mo. I can distinctly remember several scenes where I felt awkward just waiting for a character to hurry the fuck up and get where they’re going. This is especially prevalent with the Flash as almost every scene with him is in slow mo despite him being a speedster??? Then there are just “walking scenes” where it was just so so so uncomfortable and pointless watching the characters walk from point A to point B with nothing else interesting going on in the scene. There are strange scenes that don’t really add anything or lead anywhere like the Icelandic lady smelling Arthur’s shirt????? And Steppenwolf getting “permission” from Desaad to interrogate the scientists even though we knew he was going to do that already. A lot of these extra scenes interrupt the pacing as well which is a shame because I think the time would be less daunting if you cut them. I think the worst part though was the soundtrack. They only play Wonder Woman’s theme once in the beginning but then every time an Amazon is on screen they start playing this “lamenting tune” over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again!!! If it’s not the same exact clip from the same exact song I will genuinely be surprised. A lot of it just doesn’t fit the film, I definitely prefer Icky Thump to whatever Snyder had Arthur drinking to.
I didn’t mind Snyder’s color palette this time as I feel like the colors are punched up just a bit. I am so glad they chose to change the entire scenery for the final fight, it was so much more pleasing to look at. Albeit it was dark so...not much visibility lol but it’s understandable. I caught myself catching chills from the suspense and the emotional scenes in this. The emotional heart of this film is definitely there! I love the fight scenes!!! Other than some awkward moments with Batman and the Flash they were amazing!!!! Everyone looks great but I think the cgi shines the most here. I can actually see the parademons clearly now and I like their design. Steppenwolf had the biggest improvement, he was kinda blurry before but he looks great and I LOVE how they chose to show off the armor and his anatomy throughout the film. For this film specifically, I enjoyed the “Part One” things because it fit well in explaining part of Snyder’s vision AND was useful when I needed to take a break from the film. I kind of enjoyed the lack of a wide screen. Like Evangelion, I got the sense that there was more happening around the characters off screen and it greatly added to the mood. One of my favorite scenes is the Barry saves “Iris” (I don’t know if that’s actually Iris West.) This is one of the only times I thought Ezra Miller’s Flash was not only charming, funny and had a neat interpretation of his abilities but this is probably the best use of the weird music and slow mo in the film. I thought it was really cute.
The Story:
By far the biggest improvement upon the original, the added context is not only done well but probably the most interesting part of the film. Though not without its own issues, it adds much needed context, stakes and characterization that wasn’t available in the original. I could summarize that “everything makes sense now” but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. We learn so much about Darkseid, his followers and his purpose. The whole “science so advanced it’s like magic” thing was so interesting!!! Cyborg finally has a really well done and AMAZING origin story here!!! I love how Cyborg talking to Superman’s ship and the Mother boxes is used to explain the Injustice future and how dangerous the Mother Boxes really are. It’s really hard to put it into more words than I already have!
There are still a lot of issues but they’re not too big, just pacing and preference things. For instance we didn’t need the first scenes with Lois getting coffee but we did need the ones with her and Martha. However it’s not Martha, so what’s the point? We don’t know the Martian like that yet and we have no context showing that he knows Lois is “the key.” The Flash tends to over explain his abilities at awkward points but that’s an issue I’ll expand on later. The entire “Diana explains Darkseid to Bruce” scene is good but goes on far too long and we didn’t need to see them make the boxes even though it was cool. I hated the Injustice epilogue and the intro to the Martian. We didn’t need to see the entire “break into the lab” scene or the entire convo about bringing back Superman, some of that could’ve been cut. I don’t like how they handled Black Suit Superman. From my own knowledge and reading I know that the context for the black suit is that Superman was weakened and not killed so he wears the black suit to gain his power from the sun slowly, more or less. However it’s just a fashion choice here as Supes only lost his memory. Also, no matter how hard they try this movie is not funny. Besides the jokes we’ve already seen, very few hit and I can’t even remember them. I didn’t laugh once.
The Characters:
I wanna jump into it with how bad the Flash is here. Like I said, him saving “Iris” was pretty damn good but everything around that is awkward, bumbling and forced. My biggest issue is that I’m biased towards the CW’s Flash, who is my preferred live action Flash and I completely disagree with how they’ve treated the Flash’s origin and his father. The best part of the Flash is that he’s kind of like Spider-Man in that he’s super smart and strong but lives humbly and spends most of his time helping his community. And like Spider-Man he has great quips but is easily weakened by his arrogance. This Flash is barely above a hobo and only shows the faintest hints of competence. How did he even get his suit???? Did he steal the parts to make it??? The guy who plays his father is so close to being perfect actually, if they could stop him from sounding like a high frat boy. Seriously there’s “My dad is my best friend” and then there’s “I smoke up with my mom’s sperm donor Fred.” I didn’t even like him in the original however I ever so slightly prefer him to this.
Let me tell you I’m not one to get sincerely mad over a movie, it’s all calm critique over here. However, what they did to my man Martian Manhunter is mildly infuriating. Like I said, him being Martha completely ruins that scene and makes no sense in this film. Why doesn’t he help the justice league???? His formal introduction is so blah and lacks the punch that his character deserves. I was hoping he’d get his own movie or at least something similar to Cyborg in this film. So sad!
Cyborg is obviously the star of this film AS IT SHOULD BE. Again, I’m biased but from my reading and watching of the Mother Box story from the comics, ALWAYS had Cyborg heavily involved somehow because it’s connected to his origin. But goddamn does Ray Fisher absolutely shine and I’m glad Snyder saw that in him too. The depth they go into Cyborg’s origin was great and so entertaining to watch. Hands down consistently the best part of the movie. And he was funny!
I’m going to put Batman and Wonder Woman together because I ship them but also because my critique is fairly similar. I was absolutely shocked by both of them, Diana being faithfully more brutal and Batman being to a point off color by being so soft and hopeful. BUT I ADORED BOTH. There is a balance that many people misunderstand when writing these two characters. They both have the capacity for cold calculation but have big hearts and care a lot about saving people. I hope to see more of this characterization from them. Also, we love to see Alfred being the smart capable father we know he is. I do wish they kept the thing about Bruce confronting Diana about being hung up on Steve because it’s annoying and needs to be addressed.
Superman is boring again here, but it’s the way Snyder writes him so I’m not sure what else I can say. I just don’t like how inhuman Superman seems despite his upbringing. Aqua man was shockingly boring as well. I though he was giving a decent performance, being the laid back, giggly badass from the first film.
I think Steppenwolf was amazing, a few weird flops here and there but a compelling performance that really let us get to know him! Desaad was surprisingly intriguing, mostly due to the vocal performance. Eh Darkseid was definitely different. I was missing his almost regal authority, I always thought of him as an evil emperor and I was a little sad that he didn’t act more like it. Even the Harley Quinn show captured his well founded self righteousness.
The Dreams and Epilogue:
Here’s the thing, I already know this stuff was added for sequel bating but I’d like to address some questions and concerns that I still have. I still prefer Arrow’s Deathstroke to this one, but we’ll see. Jesse Eisenburg simply doesn’t fit as Lex Luthor, even that trick he pulled was poorly done. I wonder if Lex’s body guards are Amazon’s like in the comics. Jared Leto continues to try way too hard as the Joker but actually has some intriguing lines here. Kind of alludes even more that he’s a Robin turned crazy or something. Is this leading to Injustice or APOKOLIPS War?
Anyway, it was a good film! I recommend it!
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for the fic asks !!! 4 6 7 14 34 :)
FANFIC ASKS LIST HERE
4. Are there any writers that inspire you?
Depending if we're talking about inspires my fanfics or my professional/fun writing. No one really inspires my fanfics but icons that inspire me generally are (in no particular order and not a complete list coz I can’t think of everyone haha):
Neil Gaiman
Susan Cooper
Nancy Springer
J.K. Rowling
Cornelia Funke
Gail Carson Levine
6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?
Characters seem to be fairly clear to me and generally plot
7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?
remembering to add in details of descriptions of setting and sometimes physical people’s descriptions. Also sometimes I get lost in dialogue without describing actions much.
14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?
oh geeze um... I’d have to check my list of one-shots and drabbles to remind me of all I’ve done that was inspiring but off the top of my head I like writing for Marvel and BBC’s Sherlock. I also really enjoy doing Frankenstein one-shots
34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.
This is a fanfic ask meme so here we go: Since I don’t have many fanfics and a lot of one shots it’s hard for me to recall one specific fav coz the one-shots generally are full of emotion that is when I think I’m doing my niche so let’s go with from a larger fic and well... Yay an opportunity to gush over The Haunted Manor! Go ahead and visit my tumblr for the story @thehauntedmanor or go to the story itself: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8384762/1/The-Haunted-Manor
Here’s the kinda long excerpt: (which is kinda spoilery since it happens towards the end of the story so read at your discretion. If you’ve seen the movie The Haunted Mansion then you won’t be too surprised by what’s going on but... yeah this is my spin on that part of the movie):
"Before I do this," Elizabeth stated softly, "I just want to tell you how wonderful and courageous you truly are. You are a remarkable, kind and loving man and I am grateful to have made your acquaintance Jamie Evers. I hope you'll do well to see the strength inside of you which I so clearly witness and to remember it."
Jamie felt humbled by her words but when he looked up into her face and saw Sarah's green eyes staring back at him he lost his feeling of reassurance. He simply nodded as he tried looking past her and offered Elizabeth a thankful smile.
He stood on the edge of a precipice; one which he dreaded with all his might –but one which he was going to fall or jump into no matter what in the end. He tried not looking down it; not imagining ahead. He had to take it as it came.
"It would probably be better if… I sat down at least. I don't want her to use unnecessary strength from standing."
Jamie agreed and the two knelt down together on the polished ballroom floor. They adjusted their positions and moved closer into one another so that Sarah would come to rest in his arms once Elizabeth left her.
"Thank you for this," Jamie told her softly.
"There is no need," Elizabeth answered humbly. She gave him a small smile before closing her eyes.
"Sarah?" Jamie murmured as he searched with his eyes for her and the change which was to occur.
With a sudden burst of light, Elizabeth's spirit alighted away from Sarah's body and Sarah collapsed into her fiancée's embrace.
"Sarah?! Sarah!" Jamie exclaimed anxiously as he gently caressed her cheek.
Sarah's eyes fluttered open and connected with his. "Jamie?" she whispered.
"Oh God Sarah! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" he apologized; shaking his head back and forth in regret, "This is all my fault! I shouldn't have brought us here! I shouldn't have left you alone in that room… I should have fought harder to get back in here and found you… I–"
"Shh Jamie! It's okay," she assured softly; "It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself."
"Sarah I love you so much," he told her –a sob escaping his lips as he did so.
"I love you too Jamie," she reciprocated with a sad smile.
The two kissed for a brief moment but as Jamie pulled away he couldn't resist kissing her nose and her forehead softly.
"For Evers and Evers," she joked softly in a whisper.
"For always, Miss Allways," he replied, tears now falling freely down his cheeks; his tone extremely unsteady as another sob made its way into his chest.
"Jamie," she started, using as much strength as she could to form one last request, "can you promise me something?"
"Anything for you; you know that. Anything," he whispered, trying to smile for her; trying to be brave.
"Promise me you…won't end up like him," she begged gently as she looked over at Alexander Gracie who was doing his best not to take in the scene before him. Jamie looked over briefly and turned back to her to hear her appeal, "Promise me you'll live your life. Promise you'll go on and…you'll learn to be happy again…you'll…" Sarah's strength was failing fast and her breathing was becoming more laboured; her tone growing quieter as she went on, "you'll love again…"
Fresh tears made their way into Jamie's eyes. "I promise," he vowed quietly, "But… I'm not sure if I'll love…You're…You have my heart –always have. I promise to try," he whispered and she smiled at him.
"Good," she mumbled. "Remember you promised me… Don't be afraid to…try."
Jamie could see she was struggling to remain conscious and it broke his heart. 'Stay with me Sarah; just a bit longer' he wished he could beg. But he couldn't bring himself to ask for that. He loved her too much. "Sarah, it's okay," he reassured softly as he tried to withhold any more tears, "I'm right here. I'm staying right here with you. Just relax." He stroked her cheek gently and tried to smile for her. "I love you…"
Her eyes slowly fluttered shut as she finally stopped fighting the fatigue that was weighing her entire body down. Jamie kissed her cheek as she gently drifted out of consciousness.
He pulled away and looked at her one last time. The pain hit him immediately and sobs escaped from his lips unhindered as he pulled Sarah to him and began to cry freely.
He was aware that Elizabeth had once more taken Sarah's form –but he ignored it.
His partner through all things; his fiancée; his one true love Sarah Allways was gone from him. And it truly felt as though something inside of him had been torn away. He sobbed with all the strength he had left at the pain that he'd never imagined he'd have to face like this. He held her in his embrace as if it would keep her there with him. And for those few moments, with Alexander Gracie, Emma and Ezra looking on, Jamie clung to the one person he'd have spent his entire life beside if fate had only given him the chance.
THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTIONS <3
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i’m procrastinating so time to write a reaction post about the Mandalorian episode The Jedi
- the makeup/montrals were not as bad as I was expecting. that said, i still wasn’t a fan of the orange-ish makeup they had her in, and wished they had let Dawson use her natural skin tone more + natural eye color. I hate the blue contacts especially since whoever designed the characters in Clone Wars preferred blue eyes to almost any other colors. Letting Dawson keep her natural eye color wouldn’t have betrayed the character or design in any way. It happened all the time to Legolas and it was fine.
- yes, i wish they had cast a different Black woman who wasn’t transphobic
- though I didn’t hate Ahsoka’s on screen presence, I think I would prefer her to be only in animated/video games/graphic novels etc in the future. I understand that they were limited in regards to the height of her horns, length of her montrals but those are things that really show and develop Ahsoka as she continues to grows. That said, if they ever get around to doing that Obi Wan series, I wouldn’t say no to Ahsoka showing up in that either because i am, if nothing else, a hypocrite.
- acting wise, I think Dawson did okay, especially when she smiled--I could really feel Ahsoka. It’s so hard with all the time jumps--the last we see Ahsoka is going into the temple after being rescued by Ezra, then she returns like Gandalf the White, then she’s here. Like what happened? How has she changed? I think it would be unreasonable to expect Ahsoka to act in Mandalorian the same way she was in season 7 or even Rebels--but I did get a lot of Rebels vibe from Dawson’s portrayal.
- i LOVE Ahsoka’s new outfit. It is so good. I love how her trousers are very similar to Darth Maul’s in The Phantom Menace. I don’t know if it was on purpose, but I liked it.
- I love her lightsabers and that they basically recreated the badass way she drew her white lightsaber blades on the Inquisitors in Rebels here (where they like share a blade as she’s brining them apart so cool)
- I notice she did not remind people she was not a Jedi. Curious! The sadness undercutting her multiple references to the fallen Jedi order...her round about referral to Anakin. My actual heart.
- I am DYING to know what happened to Ezra. I was not expecting Ahsoka to ask about Thrawn and it sent me reeling back a bit. it’s so funny because someone in the discord is watching Rebels for the first time, and they were going, AHSOKA!? Thrawn!? and that’s literally what I’m doing right now for Mandalorian.
- keeping my finger crossed for Sabine because I’m sorry. If they can bring back THRAWN who just keeps coming back across multiple stories they can bring back Sabine and cast her voice actor to play her.
- I get that this is about Din and a lot of people don’t want to have this be a rebels sequel but i’m just saying. Sabine is Mandalorian. And my god, Din needs some art on his armor. He needs it.
- I’m glad we have a name I won’t remember for Baby Yoda
- the scene where Din goes to the ship and is going to bring him back to Ahsoka...my heart. He loves this little dude so much.
- I’m so excited for him to go to the Jedi temple. I’m wondering if they’ll be introducing a new Jedi character or if they’ll go for the angst factor.
- with the introduction of the dark saber, which was created by a Mandalorian Jedi, there could also be a third possibility (though I’m wondering if the Child itself isn’t more the result of that foreshadowing, especially if they decide to go the foundling path)
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First Blog Post 3/20/20
Started CnD Records today. Feels Good.
Working on some diss tracks. Not sure if they see it coming - doesn’t matter either way.
Planning to release Car and Driver first real record this Friday 3/20/20. Driving Test Driver Fest 1.
Self release first record - another 20 tracks next week. Compile top 10 - 15 for first release with other label - thinking Terrible, Kranky, blu ish label or Thrill Jockey. Citrus City a no-go for now. Maybe just keep building CnD records.
Be the middle man - take advantage of opportunities without sacrificing my bands’ (and those I represent) integrity.
Reach sleep destroyer.
Last night at Ted’s - great DJ set. Kidz bop remixes, Fancy. Crowd hated it. Ted disappointed we had to leave but it’s ok with everyone. Tall guy took aux right out of computer, have video. Started dancing - cucked everyone. Everyone thinks they’re the crazy charismatic guy. Am I actually? I think so. Syd thinks so.
CnD Fest 2 , 3 , 4 at Purchase and beyond. Would like to play apartments, Scully’s den in BK (reach out) and Philly, DC etc.
Next voice memo album - 20 - 25 tracks right now. Better than the first. Danny said best album ever.
Working on “My oh Maia Reason Why” video - my favorite video I’ve ever seen. Getting good feedback.
Important to collab with certain SUNY people before I go:
Members of Lip Critic, Dawson, Neal, Gabe.
Send stuff back and forth with Joseph Kress.
Need to write song about not sharing a stage w unstable Car and Driver - cost me 2 gigs. Ok because I had the police interaction that night.
Things have been working out quite well. Syd is keeping me in check. Main priorities are keep the energy going while I can and make sure everyone around me is comfortable with me doing my thing, specifically mom, sofia.
Going to Only Angels tomorrow to collab with Alex.
Tues/Wed in RI with Zach Gorton. Need to see Nick Holcomb, Sofia, Will Orchard if he’s around. Riley in Boston? Would love to.
Visit Dad soon on the way to Richmond, in a few weeks perhaps. Grandma Roberta etc. They have a BBQ place now - I bet it’s great.
Follow up in the morning (3 hours from now) with wedding band, Kevin Daniels, drummer etc.
Film sunrise sessions at Purchase: My Ride’s Here, Splendid Isolation, Keep me in your heart, Studebaker, Cat’s in the Cradle, Everybody that you know. Don’t think twice, Boots of Spanish Leather, Someday my Prince, Teenage Dirtbag, Arthur (Woof Woof), Forget You, Signed Sealed Delivered, Superstition, The Promise, Hold me now (TT), Love on Top, Townes Van Zandt, 1-800 superstar, Evan Wright, Tom Petty, Blinded By the Light, Searching for a Heart, Mag Field’s, Barenaked Ladies, TMBG, Dolly Parton one sided love, Byrds, Beatles, Kinks, Stones, Parquet Courts, T Swift (Red, Way I loved you), Mitski, Sasami, Anything Could Happen, Beach House, He Needs Me, These Days, YLT, Beach Boys, Big Star Take Care, G500/Luna, Felt, Psychic TV, Shelia, BJM, Yellow Sarong, Over and Over, Hazel St, Heatherwood, Helicopter, He Would’ve Laughted, I wanna be your lover, The pump, Good enough (sleep destroyer), Them airs, BH (14, indian summer), help me scrape mucus off my brain), Beach Comber, DO YOUR THING, Icehead, Bobby, 1000 times, WIll Orchard, Bon Iver, MGMT, Tame impala, Instant Crush, etc. Art Vandelay, Quick Canal, Stereolab, Grouper, Broadcast, Animal Collective, Panda Bear, Bachelor Kisses, Cranberries, Cure, Pastels, MBV, I found a reason, pale blue eyes, Deerhoof, Gretel Alex G, Dancing w tears in my eyes, Elvis Costello, No age(things i did), Are ya ok, Maus, Ariel, R Stevie, Aphex Twin, Zomes, Vampire Weekend etc.
Bring Laptop for Beats on some and lyrics for all.
Love life more than ever before. Music feels so good. Want to help, make amends, everything that moondog did. Don’t be homeless much longer.
Not sure if I like throbbing gristle - definitely like Psychic TV.
How savage should diss tracks be? Very? Match the severity of the person’s treatment of me/others. Aka - pretty bad for all except for Auto.
Listened to new Kanye today - 10x better and more influential than death grips.
Realized today that i’ve spent my whole life wishing I was Kanye and now I am Kanye. Feels very good.
Everyone is gifted but internet makes us angst.
I am mostly Camus right now - maybe more Kierkegaard soon. Religion and Terrence Malik. Still need to read books.
Order of Books:
The graduate
Portrait of the artist
Consider Lobster
Infinite Jest
Pynchon
Ulysses (At recommendation of American gamer association)
Syd is incredibly gifted. Want to help her feel comfortable doing art/work here in the chaos but also sort out the chaos for both of ours’ sake. I thrive in it, she tolerates well. Want to move to Riverdale still, maybe East Williamsburg with Backpack Chris. We’ll see about money. Philly perhaps, little too far. Jersey is good location but bad commute. Bad to RI.
Visit RI and Boston Tues - Thurs. Sell Cigarettes at Concerts. Feels right.
Keep smoking for now - quit end of summer perhaps.
Don’t have Corona Virus - glad we are not quarantined. Still be smart. Don’t expose mom regardless. Protect at ALL costs.
Really though, why does Journee hate me? Write new track
(Journee into forever nevermore not now not ever (Lou))
or
Journee into SJW self righteous moral posturing (way too savage - maybe voice memo outro)
AR Kane album is incredible. Syd loves too. Sample everything.
Crazy - sound better at jazz than ever in my life. Exploring harmony - never practice. Teach free lessons all the time. Love the diminished scale. Might be best jazz guitarist to ever live. Time will tell. Would be cool long term. Prefer singing.
Getting good at piano too.
I’m my favorite lyricist/comedian/actor.
Is maia right, acting isn’t hard? Weird they can’t act.
^Remember to delete^
Don’t share this on Facebook yet.
Why does Journee hate me so much? Just the Louis CK joke?
People who stay home and do nothing hate to see irreverent people doing things.
People like when you’re losing - don’t like to see you win.
^That makes me sound crazy.
F00D outsider might make me famous first.
Need to keep up with legal situation.
Hope mom and dad both live long.
Call Syd, get something nice for everyone in family.
Get weird jewel cases.
Order jewelry from etsy.
Post merch on bandcamp.
Finish album art soon. Music videos. Get better at animation etc. Pay Ben for his poster. Actually really good. Maybe album art? Duo album! Record in Wisconsin, release under his name. WIll success be good for Ben? I think so. Still can’t believe Liv told him I wasn’t ok. Wow - good content for lyrics. You truly cannot write this.
How will people react to diss tracks? Extremely negatively. Or no reaction. We shall see. Maybe no real names in the titles...... only on Oh my. 4 names in titles is too many. Don’t release Auto track. Maybe on Voice Memos.
Track List:
Good God
Bed Head
Rosa Reprise
Oh My
House
Pop 1 skydive
Pop 2 APhex
GVO
Pay 4
Take some
Cherish
Stars in F
Are ya ok
too bright
Honeys
Get to work
Everybody That You Know
Frost Bit BPC NYC
New Age Heimet Helmet
Deadbeat dads
watermill for slitting bars
romantic song david byrne
Cinema study in cinema
Brain ego
Cherry doc marten
Can’t liv w/o Venmo groceries
Oh you like?
Dancin DJ blues
We are the State Farm robots
Danny dorito is a dirty devito
My funny valentine
Zoomer blues
The thing abt genres
Blss
Like minds ft dawson
Lil toucha jazz
Introducing car and driver
The holy moment empire
Ethics 101 - gma in the street
Otto is sad
I don’t know what it means!
Operatic mellismatic
Car and driver fest will be a success!
Car and driver fest was a bust again!
Cipha’s comedy corner
Ryder
Be gone evil atonal spirits!
Unreleased mental breakdown compilation ep:
I like all music!
I’m a stupid pos
Electric micro bike
Get off your phone!
John frusc
Nice song
Lap steel for 2
My masseuse advice
Bed head wash sq
Punchie
John Maus yoyo interview
Diminished kinda thing
Build the NYC scene, w Blu ish, Evan, 1 800, sweet joseph, Comics Club, Dawson, Sloppy Jane, Wheatus,
See Jack Fortin in NYC soon. Either my event or his.
Things are still good. Syd will be a great filmmaker. WIll maybe will end up with a dancer or a filmmaker - Probably not a musician. WIll have many loves.
Things are good right now - hope they stay that way.
Feel like Ezra Keonig - hopefully someone reads this one day and agrees. Different time in history and the internet - hope this is less cringe than Ezra’s blog , probably not. Ezra, if you’re reading this, sorry. See ya at Bernie’s rally.
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The SFWA Grand Masters,Vol. 1
Edited by Frederik Pohl
Pohl has selected eighteen short stories and novellas written by the first five Grand Masters ever selected by the Science Fiction Writers of America: Robert A. Heinlein, Jack Williamson, Clifford D. Simak, L. Sprague de Camp, and Fritz Leiber. A great debt is owed to Jerry Pournelle for this recognition of the best of the best and to Frederik Pohl for both introducing and reintroducing me to these authors in one handy volume. Actually, in three volumes as I know there is one more to be searched out in the interlibrary world.
Thanks to my library’s willingness to go out of state, I can read the first volume in this series, having started off 2020 with Volume Two. Thank you also to the Woodridge Public Library in Woodridge, Illinois. Now I need to find the third volume. 4 out of 5
We start out with Robert A. Heinlein. I can still remember the first Heinlein that I read, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. My memory is so clear that I can recall to this day seeing it on the library shelf when I was working through a list of Golden Age writers that my father thought I should check out. I understand how controversial he is to many readers, but I always found that his stories were worth reading, even when some of the plotlines were uncomfortable (I’m thinking primarily of Farnham’s Freehold). Even if I didn’t agree with his ideas explored in his books and short stories, they made me think.
“The Roads Must Roll” by Robert A. Heinlein
(Future History 3) The United States had moved from automobiles to solar-powered people movers beginning when oil and gasoline were rationed during World War II. It led to less pollution, a spreading out of the population from the congestion of the cities, and a working class who were ripe for agitation by self-serving megalomaniacs with self-worth issues like Shorty Van Kleeck. It is up to Larry Gaines, the Chief Engineer, to stop the destruction and disruption of the roads. Heinlein is remarkably prescient in this 1940 tale, predicting the congestion of the automobiles and their increasing dangers as well as the importance of solar energy. It’s a shame such people movers, whether this style or high-speed trains are kept from actually being implemented. It is also true that the disenfranchised can be easily manipulated. Just look at our current political environment, not just in the United States and Great Britain. A brilliant tale. I can see the workers being militarized considering how a minor disruption, much less a major one, could not only bring the nation to a halt, it could have serious and deadly ramifications. 4.5 out of 5.
“The Year of the Jackpot” by Robert A. Heinlein
Statistician Potiphar Breen has been taking note of strange and unusual events, including a large number of women taking their clothing off in public. Meade Barstow, the latest befuddled stripper, is seen by Pot. Pot intervenes when the police arrive, offering to take care of her and see her safely home. Instead, when she is worried about what her landlady will say, he brings her to his home so that she can put herself back together. Meade agrees to answer his questions for his kindness. Pot reveals what he believes the numbers are telling him, that the planet is facing something that scares him. Intense, sad, and entirely too realistic. The idea of cycles with world events both good and bad is all too true. The gentle romance between Meade and Pot was a lovely addition. Side note: I was surprised to see the inclusion of transvestites in this story published in 1951. Heinlein treated the couple and the subject in a much nicer manner than I might have expected. I wonder why they were included as they weren't truly needed, nor was the subject of needed for his argument. Others could've sufficed. This was a first time read for me, as is the next story. 4 out of 5.
“Jerry Was a Man” by Robert A. Heinlein
When Martha van Vogel accompanied her husband to a genetics lab that alters DNA to make workers out of apes and vanity pets, she was unaware of how the mutated ape workers were treated once they were no longer useful, that they were euthanized. After raising hell, Martha is allowed to take one of the younger workers, whose eyesight had him put in the death pen, home with her against her husband’s wishes. Refusing to look the other way, Martha fights all the way to court to not only get Jerry free of the lab, but to help keep all the others alive, leading to a precedent making court case. This is an incredibly uncomfortable story on so many fronts. I found it most disturbing that Jerry’s speech pattern is a caricature of poor uneducated blacks. I understand that this was intentional on the part of Heinlein. I’m hoping that it was to give his readers a unique viewpoint into their prejudices, especially considering that the story was copyrighted in 1947. Especially with the return of black American soldiers from World War II to a country that still considered them as less than human. 3.5 out of 5.
“The Farthest Place” by Robert A. Heinlein
(Extract from Tramp Royale) This is non-fiction, an account of the Heinleins and their visit to Tristan da Cunha when the tramp steamer they are on makes a call there. The island is in the South Atlantic, over 1500 miles from the nearest other community. I may have enjoyed this excerpt, but in another context. However, this is a collection of science fiction and fantasy. This particular piece really had no reason to be included. I decline to rate it.
“The Long Watch” by Robert A. Heinlein
Lieutenant Johnny Dahlquist was approached by Colonel Towers regarding the danger of having politicians in control back on Earth, that the Guard should oversee keeping the planet safe. Towers wants Johnny’s expertise as junior bomb officer in his rebellious group. While Johnny saw his point about the instability of politicians in general, he couldn’t agree to use his bombs to make a point, a point that would lead to the deaths of innocent people. He had to make the bombs unusable, then hold watch until a ship from Earth will arrive in approximately four days. This story … Heinlein literally reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. My notebook still shows the faint marks of tears. There are many types of heroism. John Ezra Dahlquist is a fine example of doing what is right even when others try to dissuade you. (You should also look up Rodger Young on Google. I was unaware of this Medal of Honor recipient until this story.) 5 out of 5.
Next is Jack Williamson, another writer from the Golden Age of Science Fiction. And yet, somehow, I never have read any of Jack’s works. Based on these stories, that was a great crime.
“With Folded Hands” by Jack Williamson
(Humanoids .5) Poor Underhill is already struggling to keep his android business afloat. Now a new company has suddenly appeared, providing slick new humanoids that are taking over the town of Two Rivers. His new boarder, Mr. Sledge, claims to be an inventor. The new humanoids are known by him and he appears to be frightened of them. Williamson explores how actions, discoveries, and inventions meant to make man’s life better can sometimes serve to harm him. The story, published in 1947, is even more relevant today considering the growth of A.I.s and robots. This really is as much horror as it is science fiction, terrifying on a deep level for those aware how close we are to this possible future. 3.5 out of 5.
“Jamboree” by Jack Williamson
A robot self-called Pops is Scout Master of boys from birth to the age of 12. Periodically it takes the boys to a Jamboree to meet Mother. Younger boys can indulge in pink ice cream and gold stars plastered on their faces. For the oldest boys, it will be their last Jamboree. But one boy thinks there is a way to stop the cycle. Another tale of robots making decisions for the good of mankind. A very different take. 3.5 out of 5.
“The Manana Literary Society” by Jack Williamson
(Excerpt from Wonder’s Child: My Life in Science Fiction) Another piece of non-fiction, but at least it is about science fiction. Once again, I find it out of place and will not rate it. The selection is, however, a good look at the Los Angeles science fiction scene.
“The Firefly Tree” by Jack Williamson
Forced to move with his family to his grandfather’s farm, the unnamed protagonist is without friends, home-schooled, and lonely. Then he finds an interesting plant that his father calls a weed. He is moved to save the plant from destruction and nurtures it until it grows into a tree. One night he goes out to find the tree covered with fireflies. He begins to dream of them, hearing who they are and what they are there ready to do. Doesn’t Jack ever write happy endings? Any at all? As a child who was a loner and lived in a neighborhood with no children near my age, I could relate to this young boy. Truly engrossing. 3.5 out of 5.
Now on to Clifford D. Simak. I’ve read some of his short stories, but it was a long time ago. I don’t remember much of his style or even whether I liked his works or not.
“Desertion” by Clifford D. Simak
To explore the planet of Jupiter, men are physically converted into one of the more intelligent native species, the Lopers. The last five men sent out by Kent Fowler, the head of the survey project, haven't returned. The exploration must continue, but Fowler can't face sending another man out to what appears to be certain death, so he decides to go in their place, accompanied by his elderly dog. This was a beautiful story. I wish it had been longer. 4 out of 5.
“Founding Father” by Clifford D. Simak
Mankind wants to spread out among the stars, to colonize other planets, but the amount of time that would need to be spent on a spaceship would be an issue. Immortals have no problems with time per se, but the loneliness is another matter. A solution was found, a solution meant to be a temporary fix. But what happens with temporary when that is over one hundred years? Whoa, this might’ve been short, but it was so intense, thought-provoking, and a bit sad. Winston-Kirby will have some decisions to make regarding comfort or duty. 4 out of 5.
“Grotto of the Dancing Deer” by Clifford D. Simak
Archaeologist Boyd discovers a hidden fissure at his latest sight, one filled with fantastical and irreverent art. He also finds something else, something impossible. And yet. Another fascinating story with a deep well of sadness and depressing loneliness in a different way than the previous story. 4 out of 5.
L. Sprague de Camp is a writer that I used to read quite a bit of, mostly his earlier works in short story collections. And the Conan books he finished from Robert Howard’s notes and uncompleted manuscripts. Frankly, I found de Camp’s renditions to be better written, although I know that is heresy for some.
“A Gun for Dinosaur” by L. Sprague de Camp
When a time machine is invented, one that can’t go back to a time more recent than 100,000 years ago, a big part of its users are big game hunters taking clients back to kill a dinosaur for trophy. Rivers, of Rivers and Aiyar, one of those hunters, explains to a potential client why he has strict rules about who he’ll take back to what periods based on size and ability to use a particular caliber weapon. All I can say is poor August, braver than he thought he was, and how Courtney deserved everything he got and more. Entitled asshole. 3.5 out of 5
“Little Green Men from Afar” by L. Sprague de Camp
A non-fiction look into the persistent myths, legends, and outright lies that still garner hopeful believers, from flying saucers to the Bermuda Triangle, Atlantis to cults. I do like the five criteria given by Francis F. Broman regarding any and every story: 1) the report be firsthand; 2) the teller shows no obvious bias or prejudice; 3) that the reporter be a trained observer; 4) that the data be available for checking; and 5) that the teller be clearly identified. I’ve enjoyed many a hour reading von Daniken and the various UFO books, but they have always clearly be put in the fantasy fiction category for me, fun if not taken seriously. Again, no rating for a non-fiction piece in a fiction collection. I’m particularly disappointed as de Camp is left with just two fiction pieces as an introduction to his works.
“Living Fossil” by L. Sprague de Camp
Nawputta, a zoologist, and Chujee, his guide, are searching the Alleghany Mountains for interesting specimans and signs of the cities of Man, long extinct, when they meet a suspicious explorer. They also stumble across something they didn’t expect. Cute. Obvious, but still very fun to read. 3.5 out of 5.
Fritz Leiber is the author of a favorite series from my early 20s. While my father was devouring Conan the Barbarian, I was deep into Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser. Strangely enough, I don’t think I read anything else by Leiber in those days or later. So many books, so little time, so few selections at the libraries with whom I had memberships.
“Sanity” by Fritz Leiber
World Manager Carrsbury had researched and planned and schemed for ten years to understand insanity and to replace all the members of the World Management Service with his own people, all of whom had been trained under his exacting guidelines. Just as he had directed the world’s citizens in what they could read, watch, drink, and do in their daily lives. Or so he thought had been done. Leiber’s look at sanity is fascinating and a bit disturbing. Add a backdrop of world government and you have a thoughtful and frightening tale that resonates today. 4 out of 5.
“The Mer She” by Fritz Leiber
(Fafhrd & the Gray Mouser) The Gray Mouser was sailing home to Cif and Fafhrd, his holds filled with treasure and good as befits a successful merchant. When he discovers a stowaway in a chest, he must fight his way through magic if he ever hopes to see his island home again. It has been an extraordinarily long time since I’ve visited this series. The language is as flowery and somewhat archaic as ever, but I missed the boys working together. It just doesn’t have the same punch without that. 3 out of 5.
“A Bad Day for Sales” by Fritz Leiber
Robie, the first sales robot, is on the street, but having a hard time making sales. Then things get a lot worse. Very short, very cute even with that "worse" part. 3.5 out of 5.
#book review#The SFWA Grand Masters#science fiction collection#science fiction#fantasy#Frederik Pohl#Robert A. Heinlein#Jack Williamson#Fritz Leiber#L. Sprague de Camp#Clifford D. Simak#short story collection
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I Don’t Know What I’m Searching For
Summary: In which Logan is a Liar, Roman is Aggressive, and Virgil has a Breakdown
Notes: Brought to you by: Calculus. Because when I should be learning how to take integrals, I'm writing instead because it calms me down.
Chapter II: But I Can’t Leave Now
Virgil shot awake, the feeling of Something Being Wrong curdling in his stomach and making it impossible to sleep. He could not tell what could possibly be wrong. Patton had been happily playing with dogs yesterday, Roman had just finished a script for a new episode, and Virgil’s own anxiety had been well under control. Thomas had hung out with his friends yesterday and had even flirted with the cute barista a bit, and he had flirted back. Everything was fine, so why was Virgil so on-edge?
Screeching from right next to his room broke through his thoughts and shot into his muscles, causing him to vault out of bed and dash towards the source of the noise. He skidded to a stop in front of a brand-new, dark blue door, confusion and fear swirling in his brain. That door was new, what was going on, why was there screaming, was that crying inside?
“You have five seconds to answer, demon!” Roman’s voice screeched out from within, and that got Virgil moving again. He threw himself into the door, bursting into the room ready to come to Roman’s defense, yet he froze as his eyes registered the situation. Roman’s sword was out and he was glaring, eyes wild and blazing with the force of a thousand suns, at a trembling Logan who looked to be on the verge of tears. His pale neck was already lightly stained with blood, most likely from the point of Roman’s sword under his chin. The lenses of his glasses were cracked, a bruise was blossoming on his cheek, and Virgil could practically see his ribs from where he was standing. Overall, he looked like shit. He looked absolutely terrified of the murderous Prince in front of him.
“Roman! Calm down, back off, he’s not going to hurt you!” Virgil yelped, flying across the room to pull Roman back. Roman looked skeptical but backed off, lowering his sword but not ceasing his glare. Logan still stood, shocked, still as a statue, shaking like a kitten doused in water.
“He’s a Dark Side, Virgil. Of course he’s going to hurt someone,” Roman replied, voice calm and even. He believed this, Virgil knew, even after having met another Dark Side who only wanted to help.
“I have absolutely no idea why I am here or what is going on or why you wish to end my life, but could you please back up and listen to V-Anxiety?” Logan’s voice cut through, outwardly icy and perfectly unemotional. Virgil, however, knew him too well for that. Logan was terrified and in pain and on the verge of tears. His voice had wobbled slightly on every syllable, he had had to work to not stutter, and it was clear all he wanted to do was curl into a ball with his plushie and cry until the pain went away. And that was not something Virgil was going to let slide right now.
“Roman, back the fuck up. He’s not going to hurt you, or anyone. Do you trust me?” Virgil shot back at Roman, subtly inching closer to Logan. He needed to be there in case anything happened, he needed to make sure Logan was okay, he had to protect him-
“I trust you, but I don’t trust him,” Roman growled out.
“Then trust me because I think I know him a little better than you do!” Virgil yelled. A slight whimper left the Side behind him and he instantly lowered his volume, still glaring at Roman. “Trust me, Logan isn’t going to hurt anyone.”
“Kiddos? What’s going on here?” Patton’s voice floated in from the doorway. Everyone froze and slowly turned to stare at Patton like deer in the headlights. The paternal side stood, head cocked to the side like a confused puppy, as his eyes took in the scene in front of him. Roman was the first to move, lowering and stowing his sword away as he winced under Patton’s concerned gaze.
“Sorry, Padre, just startled. A Dark Side popped up and I was trying to figure out why, but Virgil stopped me.” Patton looked so betrayed at that, staring at Virgil with wide, sad eyes.
“Virgil? Why did you stop Roman?” Virgil gritted his teeth and crossed his arms, feeling someone’s anxiety spike. It was a familiar anxiety, one he knew well from years of experience and cohabitation.
“Because Logan’s not a threat, alright? I have no idea how he got here, but he’s here, and you need to start treating him like a person with feelings.”
“He’s Apathy, Virgil!” Roman yelled, the dam breaking as he allowed his angers and frustration to pour out. Logan flinched back and Virgil glared at Roman even harder. “He doesn’t have any feelings!”
“He is correct, Virgil. I have no emotions,” Logan broke in, voice outwardly perfectly flat. Again, Virgil knew better. Patton and Roman seemed to buy Logan’s obvious lies and looked at each other while Virgil gritted his teeth in frustration. He was about five seconds away from strangling the two extroverts at this point, and their deliberation was not helping.
“Okay, um… so, we’re going to have to keep an eye on him, and make sure he can’t escape… and we’ll talk to Thomas about this?” Patton suggested. Virgil relaxed at that. He’d honestly been expecting worse. Logan clearly had been as well and also relaxed, almost all of the tension leaking out of his body along with Virgil.
Well. Until Roman swung a baseball bat at Logan’s skull. Logan went down in a heap, unconscious the second Roman’s forceful swing contacted his temple, and Virgil screamed and dove to catch him. He managed to prevent Logan’s head from smacking into the floor at least, and he cradled him closer, heart pounding out of his chest. Logan remained a lifeless ragdoll, and Virgil began to cry. Oh stars, Logan was dead, Roman had killed him, this was all Virgil’s fault, he shouldn’t have dropped his guard-
“Relax, Virge. We’re just going to tie him up and question him a bit. He’s fine, he’ll be okay, he’ll wake up in a couple hours, now hand him over-” Patton soothed, reaching out for Virgil. Virgil simply screeched and scrambled back, clutching Logan closer to his chest.
“Not another step, either of you!” Virgil screeched. “You hurt him, get away!” Both Roman and Patton put their hands up in surrender and Virgil began to concentrate on getting Logan back to the Dark Sides. They could fix him, they would keep him safe, he’d be happier there, everything would be okay there-
But he hit a wall. He hit a wall that wouldn’t budge or crack or leave and Virgil began to panic. He needed to get Logan back home, but he couldn’t get past this stupid wall-
“Virgil! Kiddo, calm down, breathe with me honey!” Patton pleaded, appearing in front of Virgil and reaching for him, reaching to grab Logan and hurt him again-
“No! Stay back!” Virgil screeched, shooting back into the wall with Logan. He barely registered Logan’s legs hitting the wall with a dull thud or the way Logan’s head lolled into Virgil’s stomach, focused solely on protecting his person with all his being. Patton sighed and scooted back, allowing Virgil to calm himself down, still hugging Logan to his chest as if he were afraid the other Side would vanish if he let him go for even a second. As much as it hurt Patton and Roman, they had caused this, and they had to let Virgil fix it his own way. And if that meant sitting back and watching him cry into an unconscious Dark Side while hugging him like a ragdoll, they would. It was what was best for Virgil right now, and Patton and Roman had agreed long ago that what was best for Virgil came first.
“... are you sure that was a good idea, Dee?”
“No, it wasn’t a good idea. But it’s what they need right now, Pierre.”
“You know Logan’s going to be devastated. He’s going to think we abandoned him.”
“... he can think that. But this is what he needs.”
“Is it a good idea to make those decisions for him?”
“Again, no. But this is the only way, Ezra.”
“Dexter’s not doing so well. Logan was always the one who knew how to help him best.”
“I… I know. But… I need to think about what’s best for Logan right now, and what’s best for Virgil as well. And… they need this.”
“Why is that, Dee?”
“... I love him, and I just want to see him happy…”
“Oh, Dee, no, don’t cry, it’s okay, come here. Everything will be okay, alright? Things will be perfect and back to normal soon, you’ll see.”
#sanders sides#logan sanders#dark side logan#virgil sanders#patton sanders#roman sanders#sympathetic deceit sanders#dark side ocs#angst#all the angst#hurt/comfort#fluff#crying#some minor violence#but no blood#family#friendship#hugging#logan needs a hug#platonic loceit#or is it
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Hold My Girl, Part 1
A/N: So, I really hate splitting things into parts and I try not to do it, but just like with Talk, this chapter needs a hard split. I’ll try not to keep part 2 from you for too long!
Pairing: Drake x Claire (MC)
Warnings: Gun violence, language
Word Count: 3,227
Music: Hold My Girl, George Ezra (thanks to @ooo-barff-ooo for this suggestion for Drake and Claire from months ago that I have finally worked into this crazy train)
Drake kept his arm looped through hers, his eyes scanning the room attentively as he walked her inside. Bastien and several other high ranking members of the King's Guard were stationed at every door, and though he wasn't supposed to notice, Drake spotted a few undercover guards throughout the room. Several nobles were starting to file in, chattering to one another, though not quite as lively as they might be under different circumstances. A good number of the nobility that hadn't been partaking in the social season were simply not coming this evening, due to the risk being so high; too high, even, to see their prince choose his bride...or see him become crowned as King, though that part was still undisclosed. He noted the number of serving staff that milled around- at how few of them there were. Bastien was taking no chances, not after Applewood. The Seven Devils had all but promised an attack this evening, so there was no such thing as too tight when it came to security. Drake felt Claire's hand gripping his arm, her fingers curling in the crease of his jacket sleeve. He looked down at her and tried to offer her a smile. She was so damn beautiful it made him ache, and he wished for the millionth time that they were far away, that he'd stayed in New York instead of coming back to Cordonia, giving her something to follow. She smiled back up at him. He led her to their table in the dining room and pulled out a seat for her as she gracefully sat down, her gown billowing around her as she did. He took the seat next to her and scanned the place cards to see who would be joining them. He felt his nostrils flare and his lip pull up in a snarl as he read the card directly to his right: Bertrand Beaumont.
Claire noticed his sudden reaction. Their hands were clasped in her lap, and she felt him inadvertently tighten his grip. “What's wrong?” She asked quietly, turning to speak into his ear. Her eyes drifted past his shoulder, around the room to where some of the other suitors and nobles were seated. She saw Olivia speaking to some noblemen, her expression neutral but her eyes alert and fiery and her posture poised and ready to spring. She saw Kiara laughing with Penelope, the sound carrying across the room quite well through the thicker than normal still in the air.
“Bertrand,” he scowled, gesturing to the place card with his cast. Claire's eyes followed and fell on the curling script spelling out the older Beaumont's name before they went wide with shock. Drake let a humorless laugh fall from his mouth. “He's gonna have some talking to do.”
As if on cue, the Beaumont brothers walked into the room and made their way to the table. Maxwell wore his usual black suit and typical charismatic smile, despite the circumstances. Claire admired that about him- no matter what, he always found the strength to put forth his best foot so no one would know what was happening behind the scenes. Bertrand though, looked every bit of the stress he was likely under. He was paler than she'd last seen him, with smudgy bags beneath his eyes, and his shoulders hung a little more loosely than his normal proud posture. Claire wondered if there was something else wearing on him besides the threats. Before she could get too deep in her thinking, she felt Drake take his hand from her lap and abruptly rise as Bertrand came to stand behind his assigned seat.
“Ah, Drake, Claire, nice to see you-” on the surface his voice was balanced, practiced, but Claire caught another level of it, beneath the diplomatic veneer, and it was cracked and shaking.
“Nice to see us? Nice to see Claire?” Drake cut him off and Claire's eyes shot up to his face- anger-before flicking over to Bertrand's-surprise. “Where the fuck have you been this whole time, Bertrand?”
Maxwell was shifting from foot to foot. “Come on, Drake, calm down. Like I told you, Bertrand was checking on foreign investments,” Drake whirled to face the younger Beaumont, who frowned. “I...I told you, House Beaumont was in some trouble, so Bertrand had to go-”
“Check on things, yeah, Max, that's what you said,” Drake reserved his anger for the older Beaumont brother, but he made it clear with a look that Maxwell shouldn't interrupt again. He turned slowly back to Bertrand, eyes burning and dark, breaths coming through his nose, and one eyebrow arched high. “You want to explain yourself? Explain why you left Claire to deal with all this shit? Why you left your house's representative to wade through the fucking mud?” He cocked his head to the side. “ What investments were you checking on, Bertrand? What exactly was worth not being here for the social season?” Drake's good hand was slowly curling into a fist and it caught Claire's eye. Without thinking, she laced her fingers through his. When their palms pressed together she felt him release some of the tension in his shoulders as he let out a breath closed his fingers around hers.
Bertrand was standing stock still, one hand on the back of his chair. He glanced down at where Claire and Drake's hands were twined, grateful that Claire seemed to be able to help him control himself- he wasn't a fool, he knew that Drake had every right to want to hit him; more than even Drake himself knew, and he knew that one good punch from a man like Drake would be more than enough. “I had...obligations...to handle...to...” he sighed, then straightened up and set his features in a serious expression. “To check on. Investments, for the future of House Beaumont.” He looked from Drake to Claire, to her bright blue eyes and the way that they seemed to be equally full of sympathy and hurt. “Lady Claire, I...I am truly sorry that I was not here to help you through any of this...I hope, in time, you can come to... to understand.”
Drake scoffed. “Understand,” he shook his head and looked down at the ground, an incredulous smirk on his face. He looked back up at the man beside him, this time the anger fading and giving way to the frightened look of a man who knew how close he was to losing it all. “Understand? Bertrand...she was attacked. She could have...” he swallowed and squeezed her hand, not daring to look at her as he spoke the words, “She could have been killed. And you want her to understand...”
“Look, guys-”
“Max, stay out of it,” Drake growled, making it clear that would be his last warning. Maxwell dropped his hands.
“Drake,” Claire tugged on his hand and brought her other hand to clasp around his wrist. He looked down at her and she rubbed her thumb against his skin, under his shirt sleeve, beneath his cufflinks . She made eye contact with him, and he was instantly subdued by the cool depths of her blue eyes, by the gentle curve of her lips, her mouth opened just slightly as a small breath escaped. She looked over at Bertrand. “Bertrand, I understand that you have obligations...investments, things that need checking on. I do. I understand that. What I hope that I can understand, someday, is why those things were still more important that what was going on here. Drake's not wrong, Bertrand. It was bad. And you left us all to deal with it. And we did, barely.” She sighed and Drake cringed. “But Bertrand?” The man nodded, indicating that she should go on. “It would have been nice to feel like you were on my side. I didn't know who I could trust...I...I still don't, really. It just...it would have been nice.”
Drake watched her as she spoke and realized that even though she was sad and hurt and angry that Bertrand hadn't been around, she didn't need him to fight her battles or speak her words. He had his own feelings about what Bertrand had done, but Claire was more than capable of speaking for herself. He brought her hand to his lips and left a gentle kiss there, softening his gaze. This woman is so strong, he thought, so amazing.
Bertrand had mumbled an apology and Drake nodded at him, and the four of them sat down to dinner, the rest of the room miraculously not having noticed their brief disturbance. Just before King Constantine- he'd only have that title for another hour or so- was about to make an announcement, his glossy eyes looking down on all of them from the podium at the font of the hall, the loud, unmistakable sound of gunshots echoing from a distance sent vibrations through their bones. Drake acted immediately. He wrapped both arms around Claire and tugged her to the floor, pulling her to him as his heart raced. He slid beneath the table, taking her with him, adrenaline coursing through his blood. Around the room others had done the same, dropping to the ground, some of them getting under the tables. Some shouts and screams could be heard above the radios of the Kings Guard members as their shoes slapped the ground and they ran towards the sound of the shots. “I've got you, Claire, you're okay,” he whispered into her ear as she shook against him and their hearts thundered uncomfortably in their chests. Drake peeked out from behind the table cloth and craned his neck around to see Liam and Bastien crouched behind the table at the front of the room. He let out a sigh of relief. Long moments seemed to stretch on in silence until more shots rang out and Claire gasped against Drake's chest. “I've got you, baby, it’s okay, we're okay.” He muttered, hoping that they would be. I need more time with her, this can't be it. It can't be. I need more time to hold her, but not like this. The shots stopped and there were a few shouts and then silence again, the room heavy with it, no one daring to breathe.
Finally, the radios of the Kings Guard members that stayed behind started crackling and Drake strained his ears to hear what was being reported. “3 suspects apprehended, 1 shot, 2 in custody- confirmed Erika Manderly, Will Ogden, and Micah Krass.- Derrins is hit but it's not serious- We got them- plans, confirmed affiliation with the devils.” Drake felt Claire lean into him heavily as he allowed himself to breathe again. He cradled her head to his chest, his fingers gently working against the base of her neck. They had all stayed put until they were given the all clear by Bastien. Before he let her go, Drake tightened his grasp on her. “Wait,” he whispered. She placed her hand flat against his chest and felt the beating of his heart as she looked up into his eyes. “Just…” he took his good hand and used it to right the clip in her hair that had come askew, fingers trailing down her face as he finished. “Just give me a minute to hold you,” his voice cracked and Claire could feel his fear in the trembling of his fingers.
She twisted in his arms, pressed her forehead to his, and clutched his shirt lapels, nodding slowly. Her lips found his and she didn't hold back, greedily kissing him, needing it and taking it. He pressed her to him tightly, the thin material of her dress bunched beneath his strong hands as he deepened the kiss. He felt the room spin at double speed as their lips parted, but it was from the rush of kissing her, of feeling her and holding her, and not from the fear. They came out from the cover of the table, Drake pulling her up to her feet as she brushed off her dress and the shoulders of his jacket. Her fingers lingered on his shoulder for just a second longer before her lips twitched upwards in a brave smile. Amazing, he thought again.
There were a few minutes of shuffling and mumbled conversations as everyone returned to their seats and the guards returned to their posts, minus the few that had gone to help subdue the suspects and take them for questioning. Constantine stepped up to the podium once more and addressed the crowd, silencing them as he spoke. He made a comment about the disturbance, praising the Kings Guard for their quick handling of the situation and the actions that they took to keep everyone safe. He paused and there was a brief smattering of applause. Drake caught Bastien’s eye and an extra thank you passed between them. Thank you for keeping Liam safe, for keeping Claire safe. Bastien nodded by dropping his chin, but Drake knew that his silent thanks were received. When the applause died down, Constantine flicked his clouded blue eyes over to Liam before returning his gaze to his audience to make his announcement- that tonight, he’d be stepping down as their King. A hushed murmur went through the lords and ladies, the diplomats and even the service staff. “Tonight, immediately after he chooses his bride, my son, your Prince, will become your King.”
Liam stood from where he was seated and stiffly crossed the stage to shake his father’s hand. No one could tell that he was furious to be standing so close to the man he’d be taking the reins from. No one but the ones who knew him best. Claire looked around the room and saw knowing in the eyes of Bastien and Drake, of Olivia. Hana and Penelope were applauding with congratulatory expressions, Kiara was smiling smugly. Claire felt the urge to wipe the smug look from the dark haired woman’s face, and an uneasy feeling swam in her stomach as she looked back up at Liam and realized that his eyes were locked on Kiara. Constantine announced that the dinner portion of the evening had concluded, and that they would be moving to the ballroom for the ceremonial portion of the night; Liam would dance with each other suitors, then they would be announced formally and he would make his choice. Following another dance with his chosen lady, there would be a coronation, and by the end of the night, Liam would be a King, engaged to his future Queen.
Claire watched as everyone made their way to the ornate double doors, all carved in gold, and into the ball room. She noted how calmly everyone was moving despite what had just transpired, and it struck her, finally, how unsafe Cordonia truly had become if that wasn’t enough to rattle them. She looked up at Drake and recalled the night in Lythikos, when he gestured out past the grounds to the towns and cities of Cordonia, telling her how disgruntled and unhappy many of the people were with the nobility. She felt a chill go through her as they made their way to the ballroom, the thought hitting her that most of the nobility seemed not to know or, worse, care, that their people were unhappy. Their citizens had become caged, frightened, threatened animals, and that was something dangerous.
Liam began the dances with Olivia, and Claire could see the tall woman speaking quickly and deliberately to him as they waltzed, Liam’s hand platonically holding hers, fingers clasped loosely. Claire didn’t know how, but she knew that Olivia was cautioning Liam, knew that the Duchess was wary of the other suitors and of all of the things that simply couldn’t have been coincidences. Claire hoped that Olivia could reach him, but she wasn’t sure, and made a note to use her own dance with him to do the same. As the pair whirled around for the first spin, the floor opened to the rest of the ballroom, and Claire felt a hand on her back. “Can I have this dance, Berkley?” His voice was low and thick and Claire could hear want and worry and love and lust all mixed together as he asked her to dance for the first time.
She turned to face him, his hand still on her back, as she laced her fingers with his bandaged hand. “There’s no one else I want to dance with but you, Drake,” she replied. “No one.” She smiled softly up at him, feeling the truth in her words. There was an intimacy in dancing that they hadn’t shared yet, and though neither of them would say it, they both thought it- we need this, just in case.
“You just keep finding ways to make me happier, don’t you?” he squeezed her fingers and led her onto the floor, circling his arms around her and taking her hand. As she took position, he was flooded with emotion. Dancing. This woman brought me from hiding to dancing. He held her closer than he ever had in the public eye- even though the photos were out, they weren’t trying to bring any more scrutiny to Liam’s social season, or to this night by being open with their love, their affection. But dancing gave him the excuse he needed to hold her, to feel her warm skin through the fabric of his shirt, to watch her body react to his, to guide her and twirl her as the world fell away and all he could see were her eyes. “Claire,” he said her name softly as he spun her back into his arms, “You have changed every aspect of my life. I know we haven’t had much time together,” not nearly enough, but could it ever be enough? “But the time we’ve had, even with everything that’s been going on, Claire, I’ve never seen my future more clearly than when I’m with you. I can’t wait to have a future with you. I can’t wait for warm fires on cold Wednesday nights.”
“And lazy Sunday mornings,” she added dreamily. “Drake, you have changed my life, too. All I want is for us to be able to share our new lives together. That’s it, that’s all I want,” he twirled her again and as she came back into his embrace she said, “just me and you.”
“Just me and you, Berkley…I like the sound of that.” He imagined holding her without time limits, without looking over their shoulders, without their love putting them in danger. The dance came to an end and so did their moment as Liam approached them and asked Claire for the next dance, much to Kiara’s dismay- Claire noted the way the woman’s eyes narrowed as Drake passed her hand to Liam’s. She turned away from her and sent a tiny kiss through the air in Drake’s direction as she let Liam lead her back onto the floor. “Just me and my girl,” he muttered softly to himself, watching his girl dance with his best friend.
Outside the night was quiet and dark with the absence of stars and Drake stood by the bar looking out the window, waiting for Claire to return to him. He didn’t notice the person approaching him until they were standing next to him. “We need to talk, Walker.”
tagging: @ooo-barff-ooo @sleepwalkingelite @zaffrenotes @brightpinkpeppercorn @mind-reader1 @endlessflame @agent-bossypants @andy-loves-corgis @drakewalkerrosenberg @jovialyouthmusic @akrenich @cordoniantrash @nekkidmolerat @indiacater @thequeenofcronuts @the-everlasting-dream @the-whiskeywife @roonarific @endlesstaylormckenzie
#drake x mc#drake x claire#drake walker#claire berkley#ltla#learning to love again#liam x kiara#bastien#seven devils#prince liam#king liam#hold my girl#the royal romance#trr#trr au#choices fanfiction#liam wanted claire to teach drake to dance again#well he got his wish
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fruits basket or mp100?
hello ezra!!!!!
i’ll do furuba since i got asked mp100 in another ask!!! (possible spoilers ahead!) (just for the 01 anime though)
haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite
don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation
fav characters: oh boy here we go!!!! tohru, yuki, kyo, hana, arisa least fav characters: -i haven’t met him yet but tohru’s dad . a high school teacher dating a middle schooler?? electric chair -shigure (a bit mixed because i hear that there’s a lot more to shigure’s character so he’s on thin ice for now) -akito hhhh mixed on them because i know reasons are explained for her actions but her actions still weren’t….. great…. so for now i don’t like her ))):i think that’s it for now since i haven’t read the manga so i don’t really know much about the others ghjkdfghffav relationship: oh here we go babey (these are all platonic and in no order by the way!!)-tohru and yuki: oh my god . okay hello i’m going to start this by saying i initially shipped them a bit when i rewatched fruits basket back in december, but after seeing people talk about how miss honda helps yuki grow and that he realizes he doesn’t have romantic feelings for her and that they’re more of motherly feelings, i no longer ship them! i just really really love their relationship and i love that tohru was able to help yuki grow. yuki grew up being isolated, abused, and was told that he was strange and that no one will ever love him (?) or want to be near him. hello, that makes me so fucking sad babey
when tohru found out that her memories might have to be erased and she told yuki that she still wanted to be friends, i wanted to CRY LADIES!!! oh fuck man like…. hello???? yuki went from being isolated, hurt, and did not have friends to . being told this, that someone wanted to be friends with him. i . the thing is it’s not like he was disliked throughout his whole life, a lot of the girls at school adored and admired Prince Yuki Sohma, but they didn’t know him for who he really was, so i feel like that caused him to feel even more isolated (perhaps in a different way than he was during his childhood) and lonely, as well as misunderstood. so when tohru genuinely said that she wanted to stay friends with him, it probably felt different from the girls who fawned over him and i think he felt that, which makes me so happy like i T______T
and i just really love how nice yuki is to tohru ghdfjgh like we either get rude, ass kicking yuki (i love his rudeness, idk why) (maybe not the ass kicking part though, i feel so bad for kyo gjfkdgh) or nwice yuki, which i really love idk he’s really gentle and sweet when it comes to her and that warms my heart babey
but yeah i love how she helps him to open up and become closer to the truest version of himself. i love the lines she says to him and you can see that it has an impact on him. i really can’t wait to see more of his growth and their relationship like i’m soooooo excited oh my god
-tohru and kyo: i haven’t read the manga so i haven’t seen their growth but the small glimpses i’ve seen have been so cute, i’m so excited to see more!!! for now, what i have to say is something i actually talked about the other day!!!!! when kyo usually interacts with others, he comes off very angry and short tempered. during my rewatch, i didn’t think much of it, but i noticed it while watching the current anime. i don’t think he’s actually an Angry person, but rather those feelings are probably a result of the resentment he has towards things and it’s all pent up. also, i don’t believe he ever really got to properly deal with those feelings, so it makes it harder to control them, understandably!
what i noticed is that when he interacts with tohru at first, he gets mad and lashes out at her, but he doesn’t actually mean to! what i love is how as the episodes progress, you see him get mad, but then he stops, gets embarrassed, and then explains what he means to say. i think that is so important. and i like to believe that he probably is able to do this because tohru has shown herself to be kind, patient, and as someone who isn’t dismissive, she’s someone who cares! so it’s possible that her welcoming personality has encouraged kyo to hm . what’s the word . like, explain himself more?? because i feel like with shigure and yuki, he probably doesn’t have a chance to do that because the established relationships he has with the both of them are not. great gjdfkd so!! yweah i hope that made sense jgkfhdgj i just really love how, like with yuki, tohru is able to help kyo open up more
-arisa and tohru: so i hear that there’s more about miss honda and miss arisa’s friendship in the manga and i’m soooo excited because i love them so much )))): miss uotani clearly cares about tohru so much and i love that a lot
also when she talks about how kyoko and tohru helped save and improve her life…. i felt that babey i’m so happy they became friends )))):
-tohru and hana: hello. my fucking heart babey . whenever i think about hana and tohru i get so emo god i . first can i say that i love that she and uotani protect tohru from the fan club girls like gjfdkgh i love them ))):
okay okay these are the moments that absolutely killed me!!!!!!!!!! when they’re all visiting kyoko’s grave and she and uotani had just said bye to tohru, kyo, and yuki. she and uotani talk about how much tohru has healed and grown since her mother’s death and hana goes on to talk about how tohru has kept it all together and endured so much. she then says that had she been the one to lose someone, she wouldn’t be able to be the same as tohru. oh my god…. when she says that had she lost tohru, it would hurt so much that she would wish that she hadn’t met her……. hello, my heart fucking BROKE T____T the fact that she loves tohru so much that losing her would make her wish that…. my heart zude
the next moment that makes me really emo gjkdflghdfg is when the fan club girls visit her house. it’s the scene towards the end where arisa and tohru show up at her door and as she’s watching them, she thinks about how it’s like to love someone and that with loving someone comes good and bad things. she then goes on to say that no matter what, her weakness will always be tohru T_______T
i just….. really love how much she loves and cares for tohru….. her love for tohru just feels so tender and kind ))): it makes my heart so warm, i’m so glad that tohru has such loving friends who care about her and love her so deeply ))))): -kyo and arisa: omg edit how did i forget them i love their friendship so much and i hope we get to see more of it in future episodes!!! they’re so rowdy and funny i love them so much gjdfskgkfdjgfd
-i haven’t met kakeru yet but i really like!!! what i’ve seen of yuki and kakeru’s relationship!!! they seem so fun
fav moment:-hana during the endurance run gkjfdglh when she’s like ‘oh tohru i can’t go on anymore’ and is just v dramatic about it jdfkghf-when hana is seen playing cards with her classmates off to the side during the run gfjdkgfj-when tohru gets a bad score and hana is like ‘oh don’t worry tohru, i failed All my tests’ gjfdsghdfjgh-the secret base-yuki summoning his rats, i think that’s so funny hjfdgjfhg-when tohru told kyo that she loves cats -DJKGDFJG IN THE NEW ANIME WHEN YUKI KNOCKS ON TOHRU’S GRANDFATHER’S DOOR AND HE’S LIKE ‘no one’s answering??’ and kyo is just like ‘move it. EXCUSE ME!!!!!!’ gkldfsjgkfdjgkf-in the newest episode when yuki pushed his hair back a bit, that was so cute ))):-also in the newest episode, towards the end of the episode when shigure said yuki was ‘in pieces’, and yuki got so shy and cute hgjdfkghfkdjgf-jgkfdhjgdfh when shigure told tohru and yuki that kyo would be attending school with them, and yuki stood up and was just like ‘don’t eat get out die’-when kyo jumped out of the window in response to being too overwhelmed. first of all, dare i say, kin-when hana was curling tohru’s hair in class-omg when hana dramatically did the thing with the cards, i love her -the moment after the typhoon ended and yuki told tohru that he’d be up to play rich man poor man!!! i loved when he said that he would work on being bothered by others and that he’d slowly do better ))))): and then when he smiled a genuine smile, i cry-i mentioned this already but when kyo works on how he interacts with tohru, my heart ))):-OH when yuki flicked?? tohru’s asshole of a cousin so hard that his glasses fell off GJDFKLGJFKGSJDFGFDJ -omg omg that reminds me, in the recent episode!! when kyo and yuki were watching what was happening from outside of the window and kyo wanted to go in and help, yuki stopped him and said to listen and hear what tohru wanted because that was what was important-when kyo told tohru that it’s okay for her to be selfish and speak up about what she wants )))): i feel like that was something she really needed to hear and i love that he told her that-okay not a fave overall but. okay when momiji was telling tohru about his mother, that shit was HEARTBREAKING as shit, but what i liked ??? was when he said that even though the memories of her are painful in a way, he still wouldn’t erase them )))): -whenever arisa and kyo bicker, i love it jgkdfhgjsdhgfdjg they’re SO funny -yuki and the newspaper boy when kagura was about to transform gfkjdlghfkj-omg wait two more sorry gkjdfsgljdfksgjf when . fucking . in the 01 anime . when they were all playing badminton together and yuki talked about . how that was all he wanted, a warm childhood, a place where everyone had fun and smiled together, and parents that would embrace him )))))): FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!-okay last one i promise: when . they went to the vacation place??? oh the lake hgjfkdgh and yuki, tohru, and kyo were walking in the foresty area and tohru was apologizing for doing something wrong because kyo and yuki weren’t acting normal or something???? and yuki responded by saying that he’s gotten so used to tohru’s presence that he feels really comfortable and at ease with her ))))): my heart……………………………. demolished
headcanons/theories: -i’m going to try my best-au where kyo and yuki meet tohru while they’re kids and no sohma curse or anything, none of that!!!! she befriends them easily and they all get along and grow up together ))): -okay okay i don’t know anything about arisa’s family but hm. i’m thinking maybe she doesn’t have that great of a support system at home??? so after kyoko saves arisa from the yankee ?? girls??? she has arisa stay with her and tohru for a while and i think . that’s so cute ))): they go to school together, they go shopping, out to eat, to the park, to amusement parks, and all that together -this is probably canon but i’m going do it anyway i like to think that tohru helps yuki with his gardening and they bond a lot over that -oh oh since yuki has a garden, i like to think that this would be like. oh hm oh okay i feel like tohru suggests growing vegetables so they can be used to cook and one day!!!! tohru sort of teaches yuki how to cook and they bond over that hehe-oh remember when tohru checked out books on martial arts and gardening i think that after she reads the martial arts one, she talks to kyo about it and shows him the moves she’s learned and he helps her and teaches her more stuff on that!! oh my heart -if there’s a bug in the house, kyo or yuki summon their respective animals to see who can get it first. chaos -this is not related to anything at all but i like to think that yuki, tohru, kyo, hana, and arisa have monthly picnics-okay i think this is all i have jgkfdhgfkjgf
unpopular opinion: oh hm i don’t think i have any??? i think the only one is that i used to mildly ship tohru and yuki gjfdklsghfkjg oh and apparently kakeru and yuki is an unpopular ship??? how’d you find it: oh hm actually i really can’t remember?? i can’t even remember the year i found it…. i think i was in . 5th grade?? it was probably through one of my friends!!! random thoughts: ohhhh i am notttttttttt ready for the new year’s episode i’m really not okay i think h. okay i can’t remember much of it actually just the parts that made me sad GJDKLFGJ like when . kyo and yuki were uncertain about going to banquet (???) and they meet hana in the middle of the street and she’s like . eye emoji . you should go back . eye emoji . and i think she mentioned something about how she’s been alone on new year’s since her mother’s death?? i’m not sure if that’s right…. but when they run back to their home and it’s just SO INTENSE and when they open the doors to see her crying all by herself . hello . i legally give you the right to end my life . i’m so glad they went back like hhhhhhhhhhh godddddd and then when they just all are on the rooftop together . oh thank you so much babey
oh and also not ready for momiji’s story please i will die, i will not be able to get through that without crying i know it i just knowwwww especially when tohru starts crying and just hugs momiji oh my goddddddddddddddddddddd no thank you sir
i think this is all i have to say wow that was zo much i’m sorry but thank you for enabling me hgkjdfghjfghdfsjghdfjg
#kfjdgkfdsh thank you ezra!!! i hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself!!! <33#furuba spoilers#long post#suneaaters#lovemail#ms
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Tattoos and Tiramisu Playlist
Listen Here: https://open.spotify.com/user/22cp3xuocmvlx7uqh7zok5r4a/playlist/1pzXVV0oDdjQXiGnx5simB?si=fXi73MbHTvi_m6_od-uA4A
Want to know what the songs have to do with the story? I’ve basically written an essay. Enjoy.
1.Geronimo by Sheppard
This song is super upbeat and fun to listen to. I feel like it is a relatively accurate depiction of James and Brooke’s relationship, but put into really simple terms. Things happen faster than either of them is used to (although not so quickly that it makes either of them uncomfortable. They both just accept that this is what they’re feeling and dive head first into it, although Brooke tends to have her doubts. This is usually the first song that plays when I start my playlist and it’s the one that gets me pumped to write.
2. Be Somebody by Thousand Foot Krutch
This song is like James’ theme song. Whenever I write a scene that is particularly James heavy, I play this song to get me into the right mindset to portray him properly. I feel like it explains a lot of how he feels about Brooke as well. She brings out the best in him, and he wants nothing but to bring out the best in her as well. He feels a little bit trapped by his reputation, but also holds it close to him. It’s his natural defense from keeping people from getting too close or learning too much about him. He likes keeping his life private when possible.
3. Secrets by OneRepublic
I actually have a couple of songs from OneRepublic on the playlist for this novel. I love their music and a lot of their songs seem to fit different parts of the story. Secrets, in particular, fits the fact that Brooke and James both have things that they tend to keep to themselves. In fact, the only people outside of their families who really know about those things are each other. They begin to trust each other a lot throughout the course of the book and eventually they allow each other to see those parts of themselves that no one else gets to see.
4. Your Love Song by TJ Kingston
This is probably one of the only songs where the lyrics don’t necessarily fit the book (aside from the chorus). However, the general vibe of the song is very relaxing and has a very sincere sound to it. I imagine that it is how James sounds when he is trying to comfort Brooke. I love it.
5. The Night We Met by Lord Huron
This song is less about the main story and more about one that isn’t fully told within the pages of the book. This is the story of Brooke’s father and her mother, as told from her father’s point of view. They were young and their romance was passionate but short-lived. He thinks back to the early days of their relationship often and misses her. He never stopped being in love with her.
6. Song 6 by George Ezra
This is another one where the lyrics don’t necessarily fit the novel, or even one of the characters specifically. It just gives me such a romantic notion of dreaming about that one person you are missing more than anyone else.
7. I’m Yours by Jason Mraz
Brooke has a hard time believing that James could have feelings for her, but he does, and he’s willing to show her that he does. This song is him, convincing Brooke.
8. Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers
James is kind and courteous. He understands Brooke’s eccentricities and her anxieties. He’s perfectly happy with their ordinary relationship. He’s not looking for something crazy and over the top romantic. Brooke feels unbelievably lucky to have someone like James be willing to learn about her and help her in any way he can. She’s happy with what they’ve got going on, and so pleased that James doesn’t ask for more out of her, and that he doesn’t try to be her hero or try to make her better.
9. Closer by The Chainsmokers
James and Brooke each have a reputation that precedes them around the school. While this song doesn’t necessarily get both of them right, it does give the right impression. Plus, by the time the two of them get together, things just seem to… happen. It’s their last year of high school after all, and they might not have time after this.
10. Shape of You by Ed Sheeran
In all honesty, this doesn’t really fit the relationship in this book at all. What it does do, however, is get me in the mood to write. This song was a lot of my motivation while writing/revising this book, and I never had the heart to take it off the playlist. It’s a bop, and both James and Brooke would have fun listening to it and dancing around.
11. Wish I Knew You by The Revivalists
If James and Brooke had been pushed together at a younger age, their lives would have been very different and they would have been very different people. They help each other in a lot of ways, and this song just captures that idea of wishing that they could have become these people sooner.
12. Heavy by Linkin Park
This song is Brooke. This is her anxiety and how it can take over her life. Her OCD being a monster in the back of her head. Most of the time, it’s not so bad, but when it takes over, it really takes over. It consumes her in a way that she hates and wishes that she could change, even though she knows that can’t ever really happen. This song is the embodiment of that feeling when your heart feels heavy in your chest because everything is going wrong.
13. When They Come for Me by Linkin Park
James has an ongoing battle with his reputation. He holds it close to his chest and tends to use it as a defense mechanism. The first verse of this song really captures that feeling.
14. Good Intent by Kimbra
I have a lot of songs that make me think about reputations for this book (ironically, none of them are from Taylor Swift’s Reputation album). James has friends who get into a lot of trouble, and he doesn’t do anything to stop them. He just helps them out of their tough spots when he needs to.
15. She’s Always a Woman by Billy Joel
Back when I was just starting to write this book, I went to my friends and asked them for songs that they think are super romantic. A good friend of mine brought this up as the song he thinks is genuinely one of the most romantic songs in existence. It stuck around while I was writing, and slowly became a bit of an anthem for how James thinks about Brooke. She has a lot of problems, but she’s always a woman.
16. My Type by Saint Motel
James famously hooked up with someone at a party once, and the reputation as a player has followed him around ever since. This song perfectly shows how everyone else sees his romantic endeavors.
17. Puzzle Pieces by Saint Motel
We’re puzzle pieces that don’t fit together. Brooke and James come from very different walks of life. They shouldn’t fit together, but they do.
18. My Silver Lining by First Aid Kit
Brooke has one thing that she’s been working towards for her entire life. Anything that can take that away from her scares her. However, the important thing that she knows about working towards goals is that there’s only one thing you can really do: keep on keeping on.
19. Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede
This is one of my favorite songs of all time. It’s fun and happy. James and Brooke are hooked on the feeling of having someone understand them. Plus this song is so fun it’s practically impossible to sit still while it’s playing.
20. Middle Fingers by MISSIO
Brooke and James don’t necessarily fall into the idea of a “normal person” that is set forth by society, but neither of them really care. Stick your middle fingers to the world and keep living your best life.
21. Fuckin’ Perfect by P!nk
I remember when this song came out and crying while watching the music video. It’s an incredibly sad song with an important message. You don’t have to be perfect for the world. Brooke’s ultimate downfall is that she wants to be perfect. She wants to live her version of the perfect life, and that’s just too stressful.
22. Romantic by Stanaj
Brooke and James are not typically romantic people. They don’t go out of their way to make grand romantic gestures for people. But when they’re together, something changes. They want to be romantic for each other. They want to have that Hollywood notion of love that seems so impossible.
23. Invisible by Linkin Park
This song has been on this playlist since the beginning. The first time I heard it, I knew that it needed to be baked into the story I was telling. Brooke has always felt invisible, beyond her reputation of being bossy and annoying. James doesn’t want her to ever feel that way again.
24. Starving by Hailee Steinfeld
I didn’t know that I was starving until I tasted you. Brooke didn’t know exactly how much she wanted to be noticed. How much she craved someone else’s attention and affection. Then James gave it to her and she became a bit addicted.
25. Moonlight by Grace Vanderwaal
The feeling of first love.
26. Sweat by All American Rejects
Honestly this song makes it seem like things are going to get a lot raunchier than they are. But James and Brooke have an effect on each other that they can’t seem to shake. They have the ability to make each other’s hearts race.
27. Rain by The Script
When you’re gone, all it does is rain. Heart break and grief. The seemingly impossible need to get back together.
28. Something I Need by OneRepublic
If you only live once, I want to live with you. The last line of this song is everything.
29. BLK CLD by XYLØ
This song was a much later addition to the playlist, but it made me think about the characters SO MUCH. This entire thing could be Brooke just… talking. Listening to this will give you a very good idea of who she is as a person.
#writer#writers of tumblr#tumblr writing community#spotify#playlist#book music#tattoos and tiramisu#helen powers#my novel#my writing#creative writing#book#novel#music#long post
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