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jenokoi · 1 year

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How is it (the situation) affecting you, and how to move on.

GENERAL TAROT READING BY JENOKOI

Hi. This is quite unexpected, I was not planning on making this reading at all. But here we are, staring one another, you with a question and me with a fear of messing up your answer. However, I am confident this will find those who are meant to read it. Without further ado, tonight we will have a sneak peak on how a certain situation is affecting you, whenever you are aware of it or not, and how to move on (were you wish to do so). Don’t fret if we poke a few traumas here and there, I can not control what I’m told. It is a bit extensive, so please take only what resonates with you and leave the rest for your fellow companions.

That said, there are vague mentions of sexual assault and hints at eating disorders, so if you’re not comfortable with said topics please do not read.

Please take a deep breath and get comfortable. Let your intuition guide you to the answer you seek in the pictures below. Take as much time as you need.

PILE ONE > PILE TWO > PILE THREE

My tarot readings are guided by the current energy of my subject in question and my own spirit guides. Energies are prone to change based on our actions, and thus nothing is truly set on stone. Please take only what resonates, this is a general reading. It’s okay to not feel drawn to any of the images. If you have to force it into the narrative of your life, then it might not be for you. These readings are for entertainment purposes only.

HOW IS IT (THE SITUATION) AFFECTING YOU?

You feel abandoned, left behind or ignored by someone who was supposed to love and care for you unconditionally. You feel like someone broke a promise made to you. As if you had been led on with a blindfold just to find yourself completely alone in an empty room, an empty paradise.

Some of you might be the eldest child or a role model to a younger family member. You have been left behind, yet a part of you still believes whoever abandoned you will come back. You might have been the second choice or someone is in the position you were told was to be yours. Nonetheless, you still hold onto this person/situation and refuse to let go despite the exit sign being right in front of you. You know there are better things awaiting for you on the other side. In your mind, you know what must be done, how the story ends. But your heart holds onto the faintest of flames in the hopes of a fire to burn every obstacle in your way.

Either someone you trust is leading you on, or you have been warned of what will happen regarding the situation by a male energy.

You might have developed really bad eating habits since the situation started. You indulge in addictions to fill the emptiness left by the excitement of a promised destiny yet to manifest. To calm the anxiety of waiting you abuse of your body and take it to its limits. You are a prisoner of your emotions, ignoring evidence and warnings, accusing your mind of being too critical, skeptical. You turn your back to the truth and keep on holding to the situation (or person).

“I can leave when I want, so I’ll be okay with one more.” Your childhood traumas are haunting your present self. Especially those related to your fatherly figure growing up. You might have been very loved by your father during your child years before he abandoned you or left you stranded. Yet you were told by everyone he loved you the most. You have issues letting go. You believe in a love that can’t be seen because you were told you don’t need to feel or receive it for it to be real. You just need to know it’s there and that’s enough.

You gather every small move, every little bread crumb, and make of it a feast. You are holding onto ideas and no proof. This situation is making you delusional. You grab pieces left behind rather than given to you and call them gifts. This situation could be taken place at work or in a religious environment. You are making a big deal out of nothing. And every time you realize you are moving on you find another reason to come back.

If we’re being honest, you don’t want to move on, but there’s nothing you can do at all regarding the situation even if you decide to stay, and that frustrates you a lot. “If given the chance.” You want (yearn) for something out of this situation that you can’t have. You want to be the only choice. But you are afraid of the consequences were you to act upon your emotions. You are scare of getting hurt. You don’t think you are strong enough to face the consequences, but you are strong enough to not give up so easily.

This situation could be an affair of sorts. Your competition might know of you or of the situation. “You are not welcomed.” In case of an affair or something related to a relationship of three, you don’t think your competition is deserving of the subject of your affections. You believe them trapped, and that you could make them happier.

Whispers: darling, if they wanted, they would.

HOW TO MOVE ON (FROM THE SITUATION).

Take a fucking break and stop consuming so much tarot readings in the hopes of getting a different reading from the one two posts ago. Stop feeding onto your delusions, please. Take back control of your impulses and addictions, return to the mentality of “if it’s not doing me good then I shouldn’t continue,” please. It’s all about using reason to cut the negativity out of your life.

You might have been in a low energy as of late, often wanting to be left alone and leaving things for later (your room must be a mess), not necessary out of sadness though. You have been overthinking every action and fighting your mind took a toll on you. Sometimes to find the problem one must pull from the root.

It’s time to open your eyes and see that you have been drinking from an empty cup. There’s nothing there for you but what you have made yourself believe in. You were not invited to the party, your presence was not needed nor warranted. You are not supposed to be in this situation because there’s nothing here for you. It’s not yours to fight for and it’s not yours to win. You have been ignoring the truth waiting for it to be a lie, and you have been surrounding yourself with little lies that you have made them your truth. Even if it hurts, you are to look at the situation through reality and not your own distorted view.

Walk away from your own make believe world and you will see how clear the signs become. Stop projecting your ideas onto the situation (or person).

It’s time to face old habits and acknowledge how they are slowly deteriorating you. Love is not something you can’t see. Love can be found in memories, in actions, in words. Loves needs validation every once in a while, not because we must give it, but because we love so much we just have to scream it, have to show it, have to tell it. When someone loves you, you don’t doubt it. When someone cares for you, you are not afraid to ask of it.

You have to get comfortable with the dark energy within you so that you can learn to protect yourself with it. Learn your past, discover where your obsessions come from and understand how you can prevent being a victim of them.

You are unable to have commitment in a relationship because you must have control at all times of those who have a piece of your heart. You force your own idea of someone onto them and leave when they don’t act accordingly to your script. You don’t know how to receive love. You grew up thinking love should not be received, just acknowledge. And while it might take a while, you have the strength to grow your heart alongside your mind.

The seeds planted during your childhood have grown, some beautifully, some slowly, others even venomous. A few withered in the shadows. It’s time to put them under the sun and help them grow. Butterflies will arrive on their own, at their own time.

You wish for a change in this situation, blindly dancing with the devil. You refuse to move one because part of you, like a fool, believes you will receive your reward for waiting like a good kid.

Love shouldn’t make you feel like the bad guy.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

PILE II

HOW IS IT (THE SITUATION) AFFECTING YOU?

This situation makes you feel alive, desired, wanted. You might even receive compensation from it, both financially or emotionally. You are becoming dependent of this situation. It’s euphoric, blinds you with excitement, carries you into a high. Some of you might consume drugs, could be weed or cocaine. This situation feels similar to the story of Alice In Wonderland.

Some of you might video call with someone or exchange nudity content through messages to another participant of the situation. Sexual innuendo warning: a partner might be really good at oral or constantly in the mood. Nevertheless, this situation makes you feel extremely desired and above the competition.

Funnily enough, this situation also makes you feel like less. As if you are not interesting nor cared of as a person but an object to lust after. You feel reduced to how you look rather than to what you can make. You might be afraid of showing your artistic side or ideas. You feel the best participant to a category you don’t think you deserve. You are far more than that, and are not receiving the compensation for all the effort you give. You feel as if your thoughts have no importance, your opinions only for the deaf. You overthink a lot and act as if you care none.

People might say bad/rude things about you behind your back, some even to your face. You might be in a rowdy and raucous environment. Your situation is like fireworks, pretty in it’s appearance, loud in its path, and brief in its high.

Your feelings are in disarray. You don’t know if what you feel for others or what others feel for you is love or lust, if it’s genuine or a parasite trying to suck your blood. You don’t know if they (or a certain person) sees you as a true friend or someone they just want to fuck. You also feel jealousy, a lot of it. Some of you might have stomach ache as of late. Others might be starving yourselves to fit a criteria.

Despite being a favorite, there seems to be a lot of competition regarding your goals. Some of you might constantly feel dizzy, you might like the act of eating a cake more than the cake itself (a rebellious act).

You feel like a fool who tries too hard and only embarrass themselves the more they talk, the more honest they act. There is someone you are trying to impress but they don’t return your affection/interest. This person might always be surrounded by people or talking to someone.

Some of you might be in the fashion business. Modeling, to be more precise. Your situation surrounds you of people trying to survive on their own twisted ways. Prostitutes. Teamwork is not prompted, and often those who play dirty are victorious.

You feel dirty and alone. Cheated on something. You were promised Wonderland and were given the bottom of the rabbit hole. For some, money ties you down to this situation. You feel a product to a store. For some of you, you are dealing with a player, for others, this is a career or project situation. You might feel controlled by a male energy.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT

Some of you might have been victims to sexual abuse and assault, could have been continuous from a young age or an event past the age of sixteen. You might be forced to coexist with your assaulter, either physically or mentally. You don’t feel like you deserve/want to be protected or cared for.

You feel like you aren’t and will never be enough. Someone not worth of respect. “Your body is what gives you value, not your mind, not your heart, but what’s between your open legs.” You don’t think you can reach your dreams. You don’t think to be the person to make them real.

You might be haunted by a male energy, and people’s opinions about you matter more than the love you give yourself. You are scared of growing old and losing your beauty.

HOW TO MOVE ON (FROM THE SITUATION).

You are a prisoner to society, to the male gaze, and you must break free of it before you can learn to forgive. It sounds stupid to you, but that same reason is why you are all so fucking depressed. You dislike men, you find them disgusting, but you are noting without them. If they don’t desire you, it means you are not hot enough. If they don’t come onto you, then you are not worth the time. You are nothing unless a man tells you you are his everything.

And eat/drink your fucking protein because you are a shivering wreck.

You don’t have to find value in your mind or your body or your heart. You have to accept that you won’t fit everyone’s taste and that’s t okay, because you’ll be you, and you only need to fit yourself.

You want to be taken care of, but you must learn how to by yourself first before you let anyone do so. Otherwise, anyone will easily sell you a nightmare dressed as a dream. You must break your dependency on external masculine energy.

You have become comfortable on the role of the victim, and thus you refuse to fight for what you want. “It won’t matter what I do, nothing will change.”

It’s a big wall to break through, but once you do, life will make sense. You will realize you are a little less afraid, a little more vulnerable. Once you break free, you will see how the world changes in an instant. How your feelings have power, your voice has strength, and your hand has the gift of giving love to all that it touches, regardless if it’s made of mud or gold. You will be your best friend and your grandest rival; not someone you want to defeat, but who constantly defies you to improve. You will see your dreams stay as they are, drifting away in the sky because you don’t fly towards them. You’ll allow yourself to be understood, that’s okay to simply feel without a need to explain.

Once you start to work for yourself with yourself, you will flourish into a beauty that has no weight, no standard, no criteria but that of simply being. You will fall in love with yourself and the world will follow in a breath.

And some wounds might never heal, some scars will forever mark your skin. You don’t have to forgive them, but you must forgive yourself. My dear, your karma will find them when you stop holding on to it.

You wish for revenge regarding this situation. Someone ruined your inner child, and you can’t let go until justice has been served. However, all those negative emotions are only attracting negative outcomes. Some victories are attained when you leave the battlefield and let your enemies end themselves.

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PILE III

HOW IS IT (THE SITUATION) AFFECTING YOU?

Why are you even reading this man, you clearly don’t want to move on. You truly believe you can work your way into saving this. You don’t want to change shit, you just want to fix whatever is going on and continue on as if nothing ever happened. But, if you already fucked up enough times, and shit is just not working out for you, then it might be time to move on. If you think you can try again, I don’t recommend you continue reading this post :)

Right from the get a go, this might be a cheating situation. Either you cheated on someone or someone cheated on you. It’s cool, we don’t judge, shit spills when the drain is clogged. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic (or a relationship) affair, it could also be a work situation (much like drama office). Whatever it was, it’s irrelevant when compared to the universal truth of pile three: there was foul play in here.

Let us start slow and from the beginning. Fact: you don’t like to be alone. Consequence: you withstand a lot of shit from people as to not feel like you don’t belong. You might be a pushover with a lot of migraine issues. You don’t really put up a fight, especially when talking about this situation in specific.

You don’t like direct conflict. You avoid it, take the punches for the sake of peace, keeping your image clean. Some of you had/have a really bad relationship with your mother, or had someone belittle you a lot during your formative years. A family member might have drink a lot around you. A kitchen has a powerful meaning for some of you (this is very specific, but a tile floor and a room with yellow tones). Nonetheless, to stay in this situation you keep your mouth shut and take the beating. You’re very emotionally weak though, stop lying to yourself about it. Thinking really fuck up comebacks capable of destroying the strongest of enemies doesn’t mean much if you don’t actually use them (granted, you are watching out for yourself and that’s understandable). What’s hard to comprehend is why you put yourself in said situation to begin with.

You have a beggar mentality. Be it for love, money, or validation. You are willing to put up with a lot of crap if the reward is worth the trouble. You have grown dependent of this situation. You might work in an office job or wear blue as part of your uniform. You don’t have any loyalty whatsoever, some of you might be well-known snitches. You put value in people based on what they can offer to you.

A lot of people don’t like you, pile three. They are praying for your downfall in silence. For some, someone you trust is among them (please take this with a grain of salt. If you had no indication of a person plotting against you before, don’t force it now). For others, your friends are ready to give up on you if you don’t pull yourself together. No one really knows why you do what you do, but they don’t trust you. Someone finds you pitiful.

You are seeking something, but you are doing the whole treasure hunt gig wrong. Growing up no one really payed much attention to you, and now you search for it the only way you know; staying quiet or causing trouble. And you don’t understand why despite all your efforts you can’t seem to achieve what others do so easily. You have an inferiority complex, regardless if you come from money or not. Some of you might actually been raised on poverty or a really competitive environment. “Many mouths to feed, not enough hands to work.”

Despite it all, all you ever want is a good, simple life. But you refuse to let go of old mentalities. You want to be the little man and ride off the success of someone else. You don’t want to do anything at all. But lately you have been so fucking depressed and no one wants to be your friend.

But hey, you kept on reading, which means you are ready to give the move on thing a chance.

You want to improve, that’s more than some people can say. You don’t want to be a sentient puppet, you want to be a person with deepness and layers to them. You want to have a major life change, which most likely means you fucked up big time and want to improve. You hurt someone, or someone hurt you (granted, it might have been warranted). But you, quiet literally, want to expel the ugliness out of you, and frankly speaking some people are not having it. They want you to stay the bad person to elevated themselves. But there’s also people around you that are more than willing to help you out, which might confuse you because you won’t know who to trust. You’re ready to put the work, though.

Still, you think life will become boring. If there’s not a villain then there’s not a story to tell. No bad decisions to be made, no more late night drunken shenanigans. So you might be a bit unsteady, prone to giving in everyone once in a while, which might halt any progress you had made. You might have BIG time trust issues. “Leave before they leave you,” stuff going on. Truthfully, you will never move on if you don’t lose that.

HOW TO MOVE ON (FROM THE SITUATION).

To move on, you have to let go of the idea of a perfect life, a perfect you, in a perfect world. There’s no such thing as a life without issues. If you want something you have to put the work into it. Cheating your way into victory is getting a medal without value. Have you watched Wreck-it-Ralph? Yeah? Then you know what I mean. You don’t need to be the most powerful person in the room to be the most loved, the most respected.

Being the first to punch doesn’t make you a better person, m neither does not punching back. You have to stop looking a life thought black and white. You need to let go of this beggar mentality. “You are rich if you’re not poor and you’re poor if your not rich.” Shit don’t work like that bro. You don’t have to break a heart to prove that you have love and were loved. You don’t have to make people hurt you and grovel for your forgiveness just to see that they care. You have to stop seeing everyone as your enemy.

Life is all about how we interact with the universe. Life with life, not life against life. Don’t run from something just because you expect the worst. Nothing will ever be set on stone. Nothing will forever be good and nothing will forever be bad. It’s all about what teachings you decide to carry with you and how you apply them in your everyday. We are constantly learning and changing, for better or for worse.

You have to understand that people have fears just like you, that people can get hurt by your actions. Be more patience, don’t jump at the slightest movement. Don’t enter the first exit you see, let the road take you to your destination. And stop trying to hurt people for the sake of hurting, it’s not cool.

Don’t give value to people based on what they can give to you. You are missing out on so many experiences and learning opportunities by closing off from others. You are blinded by an artificial dream to see what the universe is trying to gift to you. (This is oddly specific, but please stop watching so much porn). It’s okay to ask for help bro, and maybe it’s about damn time you do. You might discover different perspectives about things you used to think yourself an expert on. And stop procrastinating so much, you got shit to do, masterpieces to create.

Don’t be so closed off to new experiences, and try new activities. You won’t belong anywhere if you keep pretending to be someone you aren’t. When you feel the most comfortable, you will find yourself surrounded by people who love you just the way you are. Breaking news, love is not supposed to make you feel like shit.

Also, stop being so hasty. Slow down, take your time and enjoy the ride. You will appreciate all that you have if you simply take a moment to enjoy it.

Stop running away, you will only tired yourself.

You wish to belong so desperately, to fulfill an idea, that you are willing to lose yourself to the situation. Fake it till you make make, make yourself miserable that is. In essence, you are afraid of being alone, to never be wanted for who you are, and you prefer to burn the forest at the first sound of a branch snapping than letting life find you.

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It's really late and I'm very tired, but I had the urge to post this reading as soon as possible. I'll fix any mistakes tomorrow as soon as time allows me to do so. As always, thank you for trusting me with your energies, stay safe, and the universe loves you all <3

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butterfly-loa · 1 year

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𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃: 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞

hello & welcome to this pick a pile ! in this pick a pile reading you’re going to receive messages you need to hear from the universe/source. i hope you enjoy & find this helpful ! do make sure to leave a comment on which pile you picked & whether it resonated with you or not.

if you wish to tip me for my services or would like a paid oracle / tarot reading, add me on discord: butterfly#1111

for legal reasons: this pick a pile is for entertainment purposes only, therefore take everything i say with a grain of salt as the future is not certain & can change at anytime depending on your choices.

pictures: all from pinterest, credit to the rightful owners/artists.

•────────── ✦🌷✦ ─────────•

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

kuan yin oracle cards: turquoise lotus mother, reveal the peacock beauty, blossoms of the sky dancer.

turquoise lotus mother: with this card present as your first card, it seems as though you’ve gone through a very challenging time in your life. this challenge could’ve involved some sort of a spiritual awakening, breaking old patterns, struggling to love yourself, coming to terms with the fact that you deserve love, and more. in fact it could be as simple as having your heart broken by a loved one or getting betrayed by a trusted one. either way, through this card. the universe wishes for you to know that you are deserving of love, care, & compassion. you deserve the same effort of love & care that you give out to others, but before you start accepting the love that is around you. you must start loving yourself, remember that love comes from a place of belonging & you must start feeling as though you belong in this world. always remember that you belong to be here. doesn’t matter what mistake or ‘sin’ you’ve done, you deserve to be here ! so, start focusing on yourself. go to the gym, start creating healthy habits, eat healthy foods, start journaling every now & then, and start being the real you ! don’t hide your true self behind this mask, this real you also deserves to see & experience the world.

reveal the peacock beauty: with this card present, i can see that you have a lot of insecurities about yourself. you might be insecure about how you look, how you dress, how you act, how you hold certain things, & more. it’s almost as though you’ve been criticized so much throughout your life that you’ve forgotten who you truly are. seriously, ask yourself this & reconsider your values: what’s one hobby you truly enjoy that the society didn’t force you to do? what’s one favorite food that you actually enjoy without having to fake it? who’s that one favorite artist that you would love to meet if society wasn’t so against it? with that, remember that behind this fake smile of yours, there is a beautiful soul that deserves to be loved & expressed. this beautiful soul wants to be heard & have fun. they want to go to the park, go to a flower garden, go to the library, go to that one concert, go eat at this amazing restaurant without any constraints. this beautiful soul wants to be expressed & that beautiful soul is you ! therefore stop trying to fit into this criteria the society wants you to fit into, instead be bold & creative. think & grow outside this box, and be you ! be the you that is happy, be the the you that won’t have any regrets later in life. who cares what the society says, just listen through one ear & take it out the other !

blossoms of the sky dance: with this final card, you are just being reminded that it’s finally time to stop striving to be this perfect person & instead just allow this manifestation to come true. simply let go, and allow your creativity to come true. stop stressing so much as to whether your manifestation will come true or not, because it is. in fact it’s already happened, you just need to let go.

•────────── ✦🌷✦ ─────────•

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

kuan yin oracle: shining lotus, bamboo moon, to the celestial mountain.

shining lotus: with this card present as your first card, it seems as though you’ve been struggling for a while to find inner strength. it’s almost as though you’re feeling very stressed about work, school, education, family, or something that is very important. i also feel like part of the reason why you’re stressing so much is because time plays a huge factor into it, for example you might be stressing because you’ve yet to decide which university/college you want to go to or perhaps it’s time for you to move out & live on you own. therefore the universe/source suggests that you take a risk and do what you wants you to do, like you will never know if something is for you unless you give it a try. moreover life is a gamble in a sense like whether you actually gamble or not it’s time to realize that you’re always making choices & hoping that something goes right or in your favor, so what is one more risk going to harm? literally take a huge leap of faith & come of the closet, like those who are going to disagree with you will disagree with you and talk behind your back but those who truly believe in you will stick with you so in a sense it’s a win win situation. moreover, i’m also behind urged to mention that you need to stop bottling your emotions so much ! bottling emotions is very harmful to your emotional health, so try to talk to a beloved/closed one & who knows they’ll know how you can solve your problems or matter of fact you’ll feel much more at ease knowing that you aren’t alone & that someone else is there with through this experience.

bamboo moon: with this card as your second card, it seems as though divine timing is highly being highlighted. therefore like i said earlier take a leap of faith and do what your heart wants to do. stop confusing yourself and overcomplicating things for yourself because the more you think the more you’re going to spiral & get into this toxic/unhealthy mindset that is harmful. moreover, you might be thinking or feeling that this is just a reading so obviously it’s not actually going to happen or you might be like “oh this isn’t true, i know myself best” then you can stick to that mindset if you want but literally all your guides and your spirit team is urging for you to take this leap of faith because it’s past due & they might just be tired of you always repeating the same lessons & not taking your own advice.

to the celestial mountain: with this card, it’s basically just the universe saying that if you feel alone scared or confused, always feel free to call on your spirit team because they’re always with you & are always guiding you in the right path. for example you can call on them or connect with them through meditation or simply by saying “i call upon my spirit team(higher self, spirit guides, etc) to guide me & help me through this journey because i’m ‘xxxxxx’. thank you!”. or you can even come up with your own invocation or another way to connect to them. but um, for now the universe & your spirit team wants you to know that you aren’t alone even if it seems lonely at times & that you are loved.

•────────── ✦🌷✦ ─────────•

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

kuan yin oracle: to the celestial mountain, gates of heaven, eight immortals.

to the celestial mountain: with this card present as your first card, it seems as though the universe along with your spirit team is saying that you’ve been feeling a bit lonely & maybe even spiraling a bit because you might be feeling lost/unsure as to what to do regarding a certain situation. therefore the universe along with your spirit team suggests that you ask someone else for help & maybe even your spirit team since all they want is the best for you. but, they’re generally saying that asking someone else for help or assistance isn’t a sign of weakness but rather a sign of confidence because you’re standing up & asking for guidance. so, there’s no need to feel ashamed for asking for assistance since it’s completely normal & understandable. moreover the universe wishes to remind you that you are a strong soul and that you’ve already lived multiple lives already (if you believe in reincarnation) and that this life/obstacle is just a lesson that you need get through. i believe i’m also hearing that some of you in this pile have been suffering with severe depression and or anxiety for quite some time and that you have also been debating getting professional help i assume, so in regards to that your spirit team definitely urges that you seek professional help as it will definitely help you & make you feel understood.

gates of heaven: with this card as your second card, it definitely seems as though you’ve been suffering with depression, anxiety, or some other type of mental health issues that might be getting in the way of your daily life. perhaps the people in this pile may even be spiritual & have a spiritual view in life, if you do it seems that you’re going through a transition(possible awakening in the horizon). but your spirit team and the universe wishes for you to know that life & suffering are both vital parts of life and that for a human to exist. it is very important for one to go through the 7 states of suffering, therefore wish to remind you that this suffering you’re going through at the moment too shall pass & soon happiness will follow bearing many gifts. at the same time you’re being advised to detach yourself from lower vibrational beings/things.

eight immortals: in general, your spirit team and universe want you to know that they are always there for you so if there is ever a time that you feel alone, feel free to call them & ask them to give you some comfort and they’d be more than willing to do so especially during this transition that you’re going through. but they also wish for you to know that they truly love you like their child because technically you are their child as they’re watching over you & aiding you. just know that you are loved and cared for & are on the right path even though it might not seem like it at times !

#tarot reading #oracle reading #pick a pile #pick a card #pick a picture #self-love #self discovery #manifesting #energy work #kuan yin oracle #pac #pap #divination

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mrpissypants666 · 9 months

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Detailed explanations and headcanons for both drawings. ↓

[First Image Explanation]

Octavio, before he transitioned, worked in the entertainment district as a side job. Other than privately entertaining people (WITHOUT providing any sexual services), he'd reenact Oiran performances to honor his ancestors and to (basically) keep the tradition alive. It's a public event and it's crucial for him to play the role of the Oiran anyways due to being in the royal family. It wasn't a choice for him to decide whether or not he wants to perform either. It's a requirement.

Despite the history and original purpose of the Oiran (prostitution), he found some joy in performing it these reenactments... Not only because it's a tradition, but also because it's a work of art. It was kind of a workout session for him because the whole outfit weighed atleast 30kg. Of course, it was a pain in the ass to put on AND take off... He does admit that he looked hella good in it despite that. He still reminisces about it in the Splatoon 3 timeline because he's old as shit. And unfortunately for him, the crown he used to wear all the time on his head would cause him to develop a bald spot later in life.

But ermmmmm... after his first encounter with Craig, he'd make up excuses on why he isn't able to perform. Whether it'd be him feeling extremely ill or having to study, he'd come up with horrible excuses to sneak out of the castle and hang out with Craig (he barely left the castle unless he has have to perform). Not too long after, he'd resign from performing in Oiran reenactment festivals or festivals in general due to exhaustion. Having to wear and walk around in 30kg of clothing once a week can OBVIOUSLY wear you and your body out. Blah nlah blah more stuff because I'm writinf this from the top of my head and I can't think of anytjing else to add blah blagh....

[Second Image Explanation]

An alternate timeline where Craig resigns from the military after 7 years. Craig was in and out of training for about 5½ years, but with an upcoming war, he couldn't get in contact with Octavio, let alone anyone outside of the Inkadia military anymore. The soldiers of the military was infact not informed that a war was about to break out. Octavio was already at his lowest; having to deal with being a heir to the throne, having too many responsibilities as a member of the royal family, and of course being neglected by those close to him, which fucked up his ego fueled his depression even more. With Craig (being the only person who truly cared about his feelings) gone, his mental health declined a great amount.

After 1½ years of no contact, Craig resigns just a week before soldiers were scheduled to show up on the battlefield. Craig forgot to inform Octavio beforehand that he had already left, so he shows up at Arowana Castle unannounced, which causes Octavio to latch onto Craig and burst out in tears of happiness. ^_^

#cuttletavio #splatoon #splatoon 2 #splatoon 3 #dj octavio #craig cuttlefish #capn cuttlefish #cap'n cuttlefish #gay people #not sure what else to tag #sorry for not posting by the way #i forgot this site even existed

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theambitiouswoman · 9 months

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Hi, I love your blog and your content is certainly generally informative esp for women who are still navigating their adulthood. I'm kind of bad at making a set of standards to follow for myself, what do you suggest are expected from women around their 20s? I feel like I'm at a stagnant phase right now and I'm still on the path of searching what I really want. Thank you in advance. 💋 Looking forward to more of your inspiring contents. 💐

HI angel,

Thank you for being here!

It's really important to value the different stages of your life, whether you're in high school, college, or starting to become an adult. I've never been too concerned about following what society expects from me. I believe it's crucial to follow your own path. The main thing is not to get stuck and not make progress on your journey. If you're in college, you might relate to this feeling because sometimes it feels like you're doing the same thing for years without seeing results. From my perspective, what truly matters is that the choices you make and the things you do should match what you truly want in life and how you imagine your dream life. Taking action is really important because you don't want to just let life happen without your control.

You don't need to be active all the time, especially if you're working on a plan that needs time to bring about long-term results. If you're not sure about your life goals, I suggest experimenting with different things to figure out what truly resonates with you and makes you feel inspired. Your early twenties are a time for self discovery and exploring new experiences. Some people focus solely on their careers during this time, which can be beneficial, but they might miss out on getting to know themselves beyond their achievements. This can impact their personal relationships, which are also important.

However you shouldn't feel like you're wasting time either. So, my advice is to spend time learning about yourself and what makes you happy. Take steps to create the life you dream of, even if it means dedicating a few years to your goals. You have your whole life ahead of you, so make the most of it. Don't think you have to follow anyone else's timeline, and remember that life doesn't stop at thirty. In fact, it's the opposite, there's so much more ahead. Don't let yourself just drift through life without a plan. It can harm your self esteem and lead to outcomes you don't want. Aim to live with purpose and be proud of the life you lead. Don't worry too much about society's expectations; focus on what truly matters to you.

Remember that mistakes and challenges are learning opportunities that can shape your journey. Balance is crucial, so remember to take care of yourself. Embrace change and adaptability, and celebrate even the smallest wins. Stay open to new opportunities, and practice mindfulness to make intentional choices. Every phase of life adds to your personal growth story, so embrace your uniqueness and don't compare yourself to others. Your journey is your own.

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cero-sleep · 1 year

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cero you have activated my theory lore brain time to ramble

SO seeing what we have of Y/N before they went gun jester time with Eclipse, I feel like they were either working with a special ops team intending to bring Eclipse down OR they were a vigilante working solo. vigilante kinda works a bit more because it means they could have encountered heroes Sun n Moon during their solo work, but also theory brain going ham on possibilities.

anyway Y/N ends up tracking down Eclipse's base and in a moment of sheer gusto decides to take him on themself. Eclipse is amused by this gusto and decides not to end Y/N but instead turn them into a tool for himself. Y/N promptly disappears into Eclipse's base and, through a combination of hypnosis and astounding amounts of manipulation, goes from hunting Eclipse to helping him however he wants - @clxckwork-sun-n-moon

Heheheh you were pretty close!

SO, from a young age Y/N was chosen to be trained to become a hero as part of a government program, hero work essentially becoming their life purpose

Eventually, they, alongside others, were tasked with bringing down Eclipse, a real dangerous villain

However, going 'the hell with it' and deciding to face them alone when they found him, they were outmatched and caught, even if they put up a good fight, ending up being held captive

They had hope, but soon days turned into weeks without anyone coming for them

Days started to blend together, with Eclipse making sure they knew how little they actually mattered and how no one would come for them, their organization wouldn't even bat an eye at one of their little pawns disappearing, they were a waste of resources after all, but oh, he saw them and they would take them in, 'cus no one else will

Y/N stubbornly denied all this, but... with so much time to think and no sign of any attempts being made to rescue them, their mind kept going back to those somber thoughts... and what if... what if it was all true? But no, they had to stay strong, someone someone would come for them, they just had to wait a little longer

Until one day, Eclipse came in with something to show them, they had officially been declared dead

Their stomach dropped, dead? But that means- that means that no one would come- that means... that they had officially given up on them

This finally broke them, they had to keep looking, they couldn't give up on them! But- but they did... had they... had they looked at all? Were they even worth looking for?

More days passed and they subconsciously started to seek some sort of comfort and attention from the only place they could get it, Eclipse

They started to question their purpose as well

All this time they had devoted their life to heroics, but did they even want that? They sure as hell didn't get a choice

Who were they? What did they want?

Their mind wandered

They started to seek that misplaced comfort even more

But they needed it, after all, who else would truly want them?

The offer didn't need to come again, they begged Eclipse to let them stay and so they did

They wouldn't disappoint him now

#ask cero #clxckwork sun n moon #illusion of choice au

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cosmichighpriestess · 1 year

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Some of us are their karma, we are purposely placed in the way of people who claim to be honorable, high status, people who claim to be providers with integrity.

When we step into the room, very quickly they show us their true nature, their false projections, their own insecurities and doubt in themselves, because our energy will expose any insecurities, false projections and facades they were manipulating and abusing everyone else with.

If we walk in, the sharks start circling us and we are treated differently. These sharks have a choice to make, either to swallow their pride and fear, insecurities and false projections, and envy to treat other's they see as beneath them with respect or would they chose to instead try to bully us, control us, use us, steal from us, blame us, abuse us and manipulate us? We are the Earth Angels placed in their path for God to see which option would they choose?

They chose to use me, oppress me, spread lies about me, abuse me, belittle me, and gaslight me. We also take on their pain, guilt, shame, fear, problems and burdens, and transmute it. They don't even realize that by constantly focusing on tearing us down, they are pulling on our energy and we are taking on their burdens, their blocks, and their pain.

What they don't realize is that I don't get my approval from humans. I get my approval from God, the most high, the creator of the entire Universe, because no energy is more powerful or more my best friend than God. I get no sense of validation or favor from any human. If we relied solely on their approval we would never love ourselves and we would never come back to Source. God is the only validation I ever want because their opinions don't matter because they don't know who I am, and God is the only one who knows who we truly are.

If you cross paths with an Earth Angel, or an empath or someone just trying to survive, and you go against them, without knowing their circumstances, and you use them instead? That's instant karma. It's not a punishment. Always remember all karma is self imposed. Your own higher self is going to teach you a lesson.

They had a chance to see our light, and let the light and the favor come in and they decided to use us, steal from us, and abuse us because our light threatened them. They were used to using lower vibrational energies and getting away with it. They did it knowingly, willingly, and they were unapologetic fools who couldn't support anyone, they could only manipulate, control, gaslight and lie.

They cause chaos because they feel like they have lost control of everyone around them. They constantly gaslight when they feel they need to lie to be seen as the myter, the good guy, the victim to you. They are nothing until you give them power over you. Thank you for showing me God who they really were, thank you for showing everyone else even if they are still in denial. and they believe their fake image is still working on the ones they still use.

Inserting your misery, your insecurities, your abuse and lack on people who do not deserve it will be exposed, and they will see the truth. The rug will be pulled out from underneath you and your faulty foundation will collapse because nothing real based on love and truth was holding it together, only lies and deception which are false, an illusion.

How dare you, hurt these innocent people who only meant to help you and reward them with chronic neglect and smear campaigns. We had to cope with our traumas alone. These narcissists don't realize that they caused physical pain and mental illness in their own children and people that they bullied. They created PTSD and a terrifying life for the people they hurt.

We had nightmares and panic attacks everyday. We felt like we were in constant danger anywhere we went, we attracted more dangerous narcissists like you. There was no safe person in our reality. Chronic anxiety and constant fear was our entire day to day life. We were buried in trauma from every age since we were born, instead of blooming and growing.

Only we bloomed in the darkness, like a rose growing in the concrete. We as the Chosen could not be stopped, our rapid growth is favor from God because we are the light bringers, we are the changemakers because what you learn in one week takes us only one hour to learn.

Your projection of your perfect family image and perfectionism is a lie and you know it. Everyone can see through you, people are not easily manipulated anymore, there's a lot of information on abusive people we all have access to now abundantly. People are stronger than they appear to be. You want to run your agenda and not respect our wishes, our boundaries. Who do you think you are damaging people further than they are already in pain?

We are ten steps ahead of you at all times, that's what you didn't realize when you thought you were manipulating us and everyone around you. You made your choice, you made your bed now lie down in it like the liar and thief you really are. Time will always reveal the real face of you. You have no awareness, no self assessment of yourself. No accountability and you have no boundaries. You just point the finger and blame all your issues and trauma onto everyone else who you view as weaker because of their kindness.

How can you point the finger if your hands aren't even clean and you have all these skeletons in your closet? You did this to yourself and have no one else to blame but the person in the mirror you refuse to look at. Leave us alone, stop stalking us or face your karma, you give us no equal give and take. We're already protected by our ancestors and our spiritual team, our fears are behind us. I only have one thanks for you, thank you for making me into the stronger, unbreakable version I am today, my heart is so pure now because you forced me to love myself, by never supporting me and always treating me like nothing. The life I was born into has humbled me in so many intense ways. I will forever be grateful that I had you as an example of what to never become.

#chosen ones

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codenamehazard · 3 months

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.:Bittersweet:.

Chapter 29: Bittersweet

[TW: MENTIONS OF LOSS]

Hey guys! I can't believe I'm one chapter away from the big 3-0 of my story! It still blows me away hoe far this story has come and I have you all to thank!

I've been chomping at the bit to write this chapter and the next as they're the stepping stones to something super exciting! I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Without further delay, let's jump in!

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The sun is now high in the sky as we had finally gotten to Junk Food Alley after having to take a breather. I didn’t want to, I just wanted to get some food and get back to the hospital, but having world upending information dropped onto you like a metric fuckton of dynamite into your brain tends to make one need to sit down to process everything.

After our orders were placed and a small wait, Crow and I sat at a table while Mako’s getting our food. There’s a bit of an awkward silence between us as aside from the Corrodium conversation, we really didn’t have much to talk about and if I’m to be honest? I don’t think my brain can handle any more surprises.

I fidget with my hands as I pop electricity between my fingertips. Crow doodles on her pants with a permanent marker. Interesting choice of relaxation but I’ve seen weirder.

“Do I know you from somewhere…?” I hear Crow pipe up, I turn my head towards her and tilt it.

“Do I look familiar?” I question. Crow’s about to answer, but Mako returns with the food and the question is quickly dropped in favor of the carnival snacks. I take mine and thank Mako for getting it before taking a couple of bites and everyone else tucks in.

The funnel cakes are perfect, golden brown, crisp to perfection and the powdered sugar piled high wraps it up with a nice bow. The churros are equally delicious and crunchy, the sweetness of the sugar and the spice of the cinnamon dance on my tongue. Both carnival snacks hit the spot when it comes to my sweet-tooth.

Yet… Even with as good as they are… I struggle to fully enjoy my food as I poke the funnel cake with a churro. My mind too busy trying to process everything to truly savor the food the way it deserves.

It feels like the onslaught of thoughts is never-ending, I’m drowning in a sea of new information and the waves crash me into rocky crags and cliffs before pulling me back out into the deep just to do it again. All of this while I’m trying to swim for my damn life. Desperately trying to sort out everything, make sense of it.

In the maelstrom, a familiar question rings out once more. Questions of twisted minds and warped bodies. What corrupts what. Does the power itself corrupt or is it merely a catalyst for something already there?

Now there’s a new variable, Corrodium. An element that turns this question on its head.

Typically when this question comes up, I think of those whose powers twisted them. Sasha driven mad, Alden in his rage… Even I’m twisted by my own power. Blood red eyes glare out when I’m angry, my skin desaturates to a sickly pale when about to unleash the full salvo of my power on whatever unlucky bastard decided to royally piss me off.

Yet now, with this Corrodium, there’s something that can turn a half-way decent person into a monster. It’s the body breaking the mind.

The only thing I can recall that could do anything remotely close to what Corrodium does was that bug-bastard Bertrand. Using his powers to turn people into those Swamp things, nothing more than feral animals that imprint on the first person they see. This Corrodium shit? It makes that seem like a kindness.

The worst part? This is a metal, a physical thing with no will or motive. Something that was either made by accident or, what I’m more inclined to believe, made on purpose. Or it’s something that’s natural and mined from the goddamn ground.

Feels like every time I’m starting to get an iota of an understanding of a Conduit’s power and its connection to their humanity, something else comes up and pulls the rug right out from under me.

And to top it all off, there’s a slight… Undercurrent of anger, a fury towards feelings I don’t understand, but it quickly gets washed away by another crashing wave of confusion.

I can hear the girls chattering away, but my mind is so full of… Well, everything… That I really can’t process what they’re going on about. I can hear Crow giving Mako hell about not giving me a “Wildlander 101” and how Bear taught her better while Mako tries to appease the irritated Water Conduit with a promise of rectifying that situation later tonight. Great… More information for my already overclocked brain to process, information I should have known in the first place apparently.

Better late than never I guess, but I will have a stern talk with the Shark later as I thought we had addressed this very problem back in Droptown.

I stare down at my half-eaten funnel cake as I poke at it with a churro, every now and again taking bites of the fried dough stick. More chatter… Mako has a boyfriend? Huh… Good for her, I guess. Hope she gets to spend time with him, whoever he is.

A squeal rips through the air as I am mid-bite on my churro, ripping me out of my mental fog and nearly making me choke. I look with wide eyes to see what the hell she’s screaming about.

Shining in the sun, a familiar shape wraps around Crow’s ring finger. A band of silver that appears to be marbled with something I can only describe as solid light, glowing a warm gold. There’s no doubting what it is, and the sight of it brought a pain that made the searing blast of the Ray Sphere and the absolute agony of the RFI ripping me apart feel like soothing balm.

An engagement ring…

All I can do is stare at the band as Mako starts gushing about the metal ring and Crow explains about how some guy named “Ezra” proposed to her in a sunflower field. I can’t make out any other details as the sound of static starts to rise in my ears.

I slouch back in the chair as the girls continue on about the prenuptials. My eyes can only stare ahead as the static drowns out everything. I can feel my heart pound and ache, my mind begins to race faster than before, then comes the laughter.

The cruel, mocking laughter.

His voice cackles as my hand slips into a pocket, my fingertips ghosting over the surface of a small, smooth box. I didn’t need to pull it out, I knew what it is by heart. I have pulled it out countless times before on cold, unforgiving nights. A relic of a time that will never come to pass, a reminder of what that bastard took away from me. Of a life robbed.

The ring I would have proposed to Trish with in Memorial Park on our anniversary.

Memories flicker before my eyes like a flipbook: of all the good times we shared through the years, all the grueling and hellish extra hours and shifts I pulled in my courier job just so I could save up enough money to buy the ring, the nights I stayed up… Fretting, planning, even practicing with a chair as a stand in so I could make the moment absolutely perfect for the woman who would be my forever.

Then come the memories of my world falling apart: of the Blast, of how Trish blamed me for her sister’s death because just because some TV jacker said I was the one who set the bomb off… Of hearing her scream as she fell to her death… How I couldn’t save her… And then his face. A decrypted mirror of my own, laughing at my misery.

It didn’t help that the woman with the ring looked so much like Trish…

“My my, what a beautiful ring.” That damned voice hisses in my ear. My body instinctively tenses, my jaw locking and biting down as my arms fold across my chest. “It’s a shame, really. If you had just followed the path I had set for you, you wouldn’t be seeing this.”

“Shut up, old bastard.” I growl back in my head, trying my hardest not to curl my lips and bare my teeth.

“Poor little boy.” He snickers. “You could have had peace, but you decided to be a defiant little shit. Now this is the price you must pay. I’m just here to remind you.”

“You don’t deserve happiness and you never will, you forfeited it the moment you dared to step out of line.”

The voice echos as I quietly scoff at the girls’ joy, whatever good mood I had now drained, leaving bitterness in its place. I roll my eyes at Mako squealing about god knows what when something catches my eye. Something very out of place hiding under a balloon stall. Something with white fur and ruby eyes.

… Is that a fucking rabbit? With antlers??

Confusion overtakes me as I look around. Nobody seems to notice this prey animal with headgear under the stall even though the jade white fur makes it stand out like a sore thumb against the shadows and the red dirt. I couldn’t help but to shake my head and rub my eyes to see if maybe I am actually going insane, but nope. That rabbit’s still there

“Hey uh… Sorry to interrupt the wedding talk…” I blurt out as I turn to face the girls who have apparently been staring at me for a bit. “But… Do you see that weird-ass rabbit?”

“Pardon me?” Crow questions with a look of confusion, oh god, she probably thinks I’m out of it.

“Yeah, there’s a rabbit under that stall just staring at us.”

The two girls lean over to where I’m pointing as I silently hope they could see it, a confirmation that I’m not going crazy. The two girls look at each-other before giving the other knowing glances. My eyes narrow as Mako looks at me with a Cheshire smile.

“Well? Better go catch it!” She says with a coy tone. I give her a questioning look before looking back at the rabbit again and…

Did that fucker just stick its tongue out at me? Oh it’s fucking on, Thumper!

#infamous #infamous 2 #cole macgrath #demon of empire city #infamous: no man's land #xeno writes #mako #Jean Rowland #tw: mentions of death #cw: mentions of death #I would mention other things involved in the chapter #but I know some of y'all read the tags. :P #Crow

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ray-talks · 4 months

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2/7/24

as you can see, i did not post yesterday.

i straight-up binged yesterday. not even that i ate more than i would have liked, i ate until my stomach hurt, and i became nauseous. halting my progress with weight loss is one thing -- and, yes, it is terrible and i am horrified. but what truly irks me, and legitimately unsettles me, is the betrayal of my own principles. am i seriously all talk? am i hypocrite through and through? am i lying to myself? i worry that i am not who i think i am -- or maybe i do know who i am deep down, but don't want to meet eyes with it. what conclusion i draw is that i am a weak-minded person, i do not have actual convictions, and i do whatever is easiest for me. i cannot commit to anything -- life or death, happiness or suffering, so i just meander between the two. i made a goal with intentions to suffer and create meaning from it, so i can die peacefully. if i am not following this, then what the fuck am i doing?

yesterday was so upsetting to me, that it kept playing in my head throughout today, unable to let it go and making me feel sick. it made me more suicidal than i already am. i have been intentionally refraining from these lines of thought, so it does not hinder my goals, and i try not consider it until it is the right time. but i couldn't stop from having these thoughts today. if i were to pursue these, it would have to give great certainty, because i am not failing again, and ending up hospitalized. i'd have to try a more directly fatal method then past attempts; this however, is hard, because i have to have a greater gall to do it. it's a lot easier to coax yourself into taking a bottle of pills, then the alternative method i am considering. i wonder if i even have the strength to do it, or if i am too much of a fucking coward? so pathetic.

even so, this isn't relevant yet, because i refuse to act on these impulses for the time being. i cannot let this intercede my plans. i've stated this before, but caving in leads to mistakes -- errors that i cannot afford. the possibility of failure is not something i want to risk happening. i'd also be throwing all my efforts, my goal, to the wind. i am not willing to give that up yet. it will defeat the entire purpose of my wish. i'll die accomplishing nothing, really being the useless person i have always believed myself to be, and the weak-minded individual i characterized above. at least if i push myself to the limit, it says something about me -- that i can be passionate and purposeful, instead of a body that simply is alive, but ultimately, devoid of any soul.

again, i am so perturbed by all this is because i am ruining my goal, i am going against what i claim to care about. maybe i hate being human, that full-control will forever be beyond my grasp. a part of me always has and will long for perfection. regardless, i need to remember that mistakes are inevitable, and will be inevitable for me, and to not let my emotions best me. if i stumble on my path, i have to regain balance, brush myself off, and continue forward. i have no other choice. i am such a jumble of contradictions, it's so hard to decipher for me what i even believe. when i'm lying, when i'm telling the truth. my problem is that i think too hard about it; i question every little action i take, and waste time trying to consider what it means and why. it doesn't actually matter. all that matters is getting my shit together long enough to win. falling into pieces can wait. i desperately need to focus.

another piece of information to mention is that i attended a consultation for interventional psychiatry. essentially, the psychiatrist recommended me to do either esketamine or tms (transcranial magnetic stimulation). this is problematic to me. based on how they described it, it sounded too effective, stating around 70% of patients reduce their depression symptoms by 50% -- either that, or the psychiatrist was trying to market it in the most flattering light. obviously, i do not want to be altered by this procedure. i have no desire to "improve" my mental health -- it would be counterproductive to my goal. i need to be in a depressed enough mindset to accomplish what i set out to do. and, on top of that, securing stability in happiness is no longer a priority to me. i am not interested in it.

the reason why i can't just refuse to do this, is because i am being forced to by my parents. even though, i am a legal adult now and can't be technically forced to do anything, i have to maintain a good relationship with them. i need the appearance of stability to protect myself, and more specifically and above all else, my eating disorder. i am financially dependent upon them, and i do care about them and i have a motivation to shield them from the reality of my situation (whether this is out of selflessness or selfishness is debatable). the reason i attend therapy and take my medications is to satisfy them. but i am also aware, the medication and therapy do not change me in ways i dislike. i have no idea what these procedures would do to me. i want to confidently say it'll make no difference, but i have gotten warier. i do not believe manipulating them into thinking that i am better and do not need these procedures would work. so, it would seem my hands are tied. i'll continue to update about this as it either comes to fruition or the aftermath of it.

on today's restriction, it could have been better, which is also irritating, considering the fiasco over yesterday. i have still yet to attempt purging again to see if it is working again. i was originally going to try again after wednesday, but i think that i might see my friend tomorrow instead of friday, and i'll be unable to. i'm not sure if this is necessarily a bad thing, because perhaps waiting longer may hopefully convince my body to work properly. i will admit, though, that i am hesitating because i am afraid of discovering that my break did nothing. then again, i suppose nothing can be done, and i would have to rely purely on restriction. this would definitely be a significant blow to me nevertheless, morale-wise and goal-wise. since i am unable to fast for days and have to restrict my intake instead, no longer having purging as an option, would be a hindrance. i really don't want to have to think about this.

goodness, this might be the longest entry i have ever made. i have a feeling no one will read this one (lol). even so, if you managed to read all this, despite my incessant complaining and unsavory pity-party throwing, then i congratulate you. i hope you have a better day than mine.

#ray talks #tw ana diary #mental health diary #tw restrictive ed #ed not ed sheeran

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theatresteph · 6 months

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I’ve been seriously disappointed in my favourite shows over the years, and I feel like a big reason for that is because the writers try to pull off a tragic ending without understanding what a tragedy truly is.

TL;DR: the endings of GoT and The 100 weren’t tragedies, they were character massacres.

The reason that people loved Shakespeare’s tragedies when they were first performed is the same reason people still love them today. Why Romeo and Juliet is particularly beloved and remembered as the Shakespearean tragedy. It’s the same reason the Greek tragedies have been told over and over for centuries, have been studied by countless scholars and performers.

This is the basic definition of a tragedy, as written by Britannica:

But it’s far more than simply a character enduring sorrowful events. It’s the character enduring the events with a sense of hope or purpose.

It’s easy to create suffering in fiction, creating conflict is the basis for a narrative arc.

The hard part is balancing the suffering with hope, creating circumstances and decisions that push the character away from their desired goal, forcing them to either adapt or break.

A hero’s journey typically ends with the character adapting and self-actualising so that they find their internal needs, which often allows them to gain their external wants in turn. Hero’s journeys often have happy endings, but a hero can have a tragic ending if the writing has sowed the seeds for their tragedy throughout the plot.

R&J is such a great tragedy because the heroes are both victims of their circumstances, and active characters with flaws that leave them vulnerable to poor decisions. They are lovestruck teenagers trapped in a society where their families hold power over them and having any kind of relationship will get them killed, and their own naïveté prevents them from seeing too far outside the bubble of their love, from comprehending the many ways their plans could go awry and get themselves or others hurt.

A tragedy feels like a perfect storm; just the right balance of circumstances and choices to create something heartbreaking.

I feel like The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is a great modern tragedy because Coriolanus Snow has all the makings of a hero yet has a limited amount of empathy, and his circumstances and the decisions he and the people around him make chips away at that empathy until he chooses to give up empathy entirely, to become the cold and chilling President Snow we know and hate from The Hunger Games. The audience feels the very moment he becomes the villain, and that journey is tragic.

Now that we’ve established what a tragedy is, let’s talk about what it very much isn’t.

It isn’t the characters suffering over and over again with very few moments of joy only to eventually die or end up alone for stupid reasons that don’t follow the natural arc of the story.

It isn’t showing the audience that there’s more to life than survival only to have the characters kill each other for stupid reasons and be judged by a higher power that has no empathy for their circumstances.

It isn’t taking the time to get the audience to understand the complex emotional and practical reasons why the characters make heartbreaking choices only for a deux ex machina to decide their fates for them.

It isn’t making the audience root for the characters for good reason only to turn around and say that they were secretly becoming evil/crazy the whole time when none of their actions in previous seasons supported that.

As I said before, tragedy is a perfect storm; it’s created from the beginning, it’s planned and executed by the writer so that the ending makes sense and feels appropriate. The writer sows the seeds of the characters’ downfalls so that the circumstances and decisions fall perfectly into place to create an ending that breaks your heart yet feels inevitable.

That’s the most important part; the inevitability. It has to feel as though any other ending would be impossible because it would be in complete defiance of who the characters are and the circumstances of the plot.

That’s why I will never take the TV endings to Game of Thrones and The 100 seriously. There are so many ways that the characters’ actions were contradictory to who they were. The writers had them making choices that didn’t make sense within the circumstances of the plot or within their own established identities.

The fundamental difference between good writing and bad writing is consistency. You can have a character make a bad choice if it’s consistent with their character, if it feels like something they would do. You can have a sad, depressing ending if you have already established the plot as being inherently sad and depressing.

The moment you lose the consistency is the moment you lose believability. And claiming your story was a tragedy all along won’t fix that if you didn’t write it as a tragedy to begin with.

I’m sick and tired of these terrible endings masquerading as tragedies. These writers wouldn’t know tragedy if it stabbed them in the back.

#tragedy #shakespeare #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #game of thrones finale #romeo and juliet #anti the 100 season 7 #had to get this off my chest

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rug-glitch · 5 months

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the more I create content with my YW I realize how perfectly I made her intertwined with Daseins story by accident like gonna go down the list here:

When she first gets to the spiral she realizes here she has the ability to do good things and in turn she wants to be good she wants to be something/someone who is loved and wanted because she wasn't back home

now she is never taken advantage of like Dasein but this line of thinking breaks for her after the events of arc 2 and going on to arc 3 she believes the "bad person" she was always told she was is who she truly is (she only goes through the events of arc 3 because she has no choice and believes by finishing this it will lead her back to the punishment she deserves which is being sent back home however she doesn't know there is truly no going back there)

after the events of arc 3 she has a total breakdown where she rejects it all and this stems from the fact she saw raven and spider the embodiment of light and shadow were flawed beings too this is turn makes her question what she has been struggling with this entire time and shes so burnt out she can't care anymore along with this she didn't return to her old life the whole idea she was only here because she was good? was that true or is that just how she coped?

which leads us into arc 4 where they meet and Daseins journey just reminds her so much of her own the trying to figure out good and bad and the doing the right thing stuff for her shes just brushed it off to be ill help people when they need help there is no grand reason its just simpler that way

however it really stings when he tells her shes a good person because it takes her back to wizard city when she was new to this world eager to help because she could there was no grand reason behind it however this where people sung her praises maybe she didn't change much after all this time? shes still doing the "right" thing to do Dasein helps her realize this and she can't argue really when he points out the flaws in her logic

By traveling with Dasein though it helps her come to terms with just the fact she wants to help like he does too. there is no grand reason behind it but maybe it isn't so simple either

However what really turns her around is losing him at the end of lemuria. They had grown close and he died before his journey even began and shes angry that it was him, someone so earnest, someone she truly thought was good. It brings up a lot of conflicting feelings but overall she decides her purpose in existence is to continue on for him where he couldn't.

he is her purpose for existing mid arc 4 I must stress this

Novus is a huge relief to her but also now she is ready to go the full mile for Dasein like he was given a 2nd chance AND SHE IS GONNA DO EVERYTHING IN HER POWER TO LET HIM HAVE IT

except its not that simple his dream she tries her best to respect it she tries to mediate and its a very painful lesson as she watches it come apart at the seams and sees Dasein fall into the same feelings she once had

BUT SHES STILL GONNA GO THE FULL MILE she refuses to give up on him she won't let him be alone it was painful for her to handle this stuff alone and if she can make it a little less heavy SHES GONNA

AND THAT SHE DOES and I think at this point they both realize they aren't here for any reason but more so they are here making that reason they are a brick in the world they wish to build after all!

#this is rly rambley but i hope it made sense #i was just thinking abt this bc im working on art based on her arc 3 breakdown #and i got to a line where shes like i have nothing left to give i have nothing #LIKE YEA U DO HAVE NOTHING GIVE IT A COUPLE MONTHS UR GONNA MEET HIM #and thats why i was like oh my god

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orra48 · 7 months

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Sentry: A Post Mortem

Sentry was a character I played for over 2 years for a Dungeons and Dragons campaign. He was truly my first long term fictional character of my own creation. I never really thought of myself as a writer (still don't really as you'll probably agree with me if you read this whole thing) or a creative of any type for the longest time, eventually I opened up myself more to the idea of creation and art in 2020 (a lot happened personally and globally then). I feel compelled to write SOMETHING about him instead of just keeping it all in my head, because... well... he finally died. Sentry's original concept was supposed to be something of a lone ranger/Goblin Slayer/Mandalorian/Kartos kind of a character. A bounty hunter whose purpose was lost to him but was being called to what we called the Etherium. Boring sure, not too much of a past beyond coming to the world without any sense of who he was and what to do and a past relationship with a character that my SO (the DM) came up with. Long story short, he became a bit less robotic (funny because he was a warforged) and starts getting a personality. He eventually finds out he is an ever reincarnating champion (he had even seen some of his previous lives albeit briefly) of the Raven Queen. I don't know too much about other Warlocks, but I think the stereotype is that they don't want to be in service of whoever they are with. Sentry was not like that at all. He was a Paladin wearing the mask of a Warlock. Once he knew of his relationship with the Raven Queen, he knew he was a weapon to be used for... something. He didn't care, he knew he was being sent to remove a problem, and his god was going to lead him down the path to get him to that problem. I really had to think about what Death meant to him, especially because he was champion of the Raven Queen. I had to make a choice for him. Either he would despair being trapped for eternity for a choice that essentially someone else made for him... or embrace it.

I chose to embrace it. For a few reasons. First, one of my favorite artists (Flying Lotus) did a song about death (Never Catch Me). There's a lot of different ways to interpret the song but I basically broke it down to something along the lines of embrace the moments you have, keep fighting, and don't let the fear or sadness of death keep you down. At one point we kind of jokingly had to pick a song that we thought represented our characters, this was the one I chose. Second, going on the whole Warlock stereotype, why not go against the grain and embrace that, yeah, in some ways he's being controlled, but he obviously so strongly wanted this in the past there must be some reason why he had chosen to do this. He needs to trust in his decisions and trust in himself. Third, I think it's just the kind of headspace I wanted to be in when it came to my thoughts about death. Really what kind of sparked me to introduce more creativity in my life was because of the passing of my dog the year before. When it had happened of course I mourned, but I knew that if I really wanted to get over it I would need to change the rhythm of my life that I had danced to before into something new and spontaneous.

Especially with the whole reincarnation deal and whatnot, I would start to play Sentry more like the Doctor (from Doctor Who). A person that to a lot of people see as entirely mad and doesn't take things seriously when perhaps they should. Sentry would talk way less to an enemy than the Doctor would... so maybe not like the Doctor at all considering that aspect! I have my own feelings about Doctor Who that I'm not gonna get into, but one thing that always stuck out to me was The Tenth Doctor's regeneration scene (David Tennant to Matt Smith). He is pained, knows the metaphorical train is coming, and can't stop it. "I don't want to go." It really, I think, encapsulates all the incarnations feelings about regeneration, they all want more time to some degree, but Tennant's desire to keep going just sticks out so much more in comparison to others that it just stuck with me. Combining all that I knew what would essentially be Sentry's last words. "I just wish I had had more time". Not to be said in an agonizing way or anything. No, he always knew the train was coming, he just didn't know when. To dwell on it, to be scared of it, run from it, it wouldn't make a difference. He of all people knew that, so why fight it? If it was meant for him, the only thing he would care about was that in his heart of hearts that he had done everything he could to try to prevent it. And that's basically the end he got. He lived his life how he wanted even if he was ultimately just there to serve a god. A madman who remembered way too much about who he had been, essentially relived a few different past lives in an instant and becoming not really one person but multiple versions of his past self all wrapped up into one being that was just trying to do what he thought was right to keep himself from truly breaking, and someone who just wanted to get the most out of his life. He died protecting those that were closest to him (and one person he didn't really care about because he didn't know them but hey good for them). Probably the closest of whatever Sentry truly was, is, and will ever be across all his reincarnations.

I just wish I had gotten more time to spend with him.

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Just one final end fact about Sentry and his fate beyond death (he's a reincarnating champion after all). In the campaign we played at one point we get to see what everyone's soul looks like. It was kind of a throwaway for me but I had said his soul looked like a forest with an elk at the center of it. Towards the end (for this one shot that I knew would be canonically the end for him though I didn't know if he would die) I thought back to his soul, and came to the conclusion that his "true" self is a time dragon that entered into the service of the Raven Queen. I thought this would work for a multitude of reasons (his unexplained obsession with dragons for one, reincarnation after death another), but I found artwork that had a time dragon's horns sort of look like an elk's to me. His last time being with any of the characters (his son was the only one who got the privilege to see his true end) got to spend a moment of time with him in that forest before he was whisked away by his true self. I doubt anyone remembers that tidbit about seeing the character's souls but I thought it was a good way to close his chapter if anyone did. I only had to change things slightly to make it work! So why did the time dragon enter service of the Raven Queen? Not sure yet. Maybe it loved her, maybe it just knew it was meant to do this. Maybe there's some grand scheme the dragon has to do all this. Only time will tell, but that's for another time.

Also why didn't we ever call him a wereforged? He was a werebear warforged hybrid!

#dnd #original character #character analysis #post mortem #spent way too long on this #tumblr text editor sucks

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sapphos-darlings · 1 year

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Im afraid every bisexual woman I know is faking it... Im bisexual myself. This doesn't let me have a relationship with another bisexual woman, which is what i really want. How do i stop feeling like this? I knew a lot of straight girls who would pretend to be attracted to each other and even kiss for male attention and now i doubt everyone including myself and it's horrible.

Hello, Anon!

I'm afraid trusting other people is one of the great challenges of life, since we can never really truly now what other people are thinking or feeling, if their intentions towards us are good or not. Every day of our lives we just take each other's word for it and go on like that.

It's especially hard when we have been betrayed or dissapointed before. I myself have experiences with bullying in school, which still in my 30s makes me default into being on high alert and defensive around strangers even when no one's given me a reason to.

You have experiences of people lying and pretending about something important and of sensitive nature. Topping that with the constant undercurrent of our culture that already doesn't take bisexuality seriously or even believe it's real, and on top of that undervalues women's sexuality, I can easily believe you're having a hard time!

Distrusting every other bisexual woman unfortunately will not help you, and it's not really fair towards them either. You can never read anyone's mind and all you have is trust, and the possibility of just someone having been wrong, changing their mind or some other completely bening thing, is always real.

The good news is that even though you can't know or control anyone else, you can know and understand yourself. You have a choice and you control your own life! More good news is that you don't need to feel enourmously guilty and task yourself with totally ridding yourself of your doubts and distrust. A much more likely path towards growing and healing is to learn to understand your gut feelings: Where do they come from, why are you feeling like you are, and what is the purpose of that? You recognize that you have real dissapointments in your past that have led to these feelings, thus they have a source and a purpose of protecting you from further harm.

Let those feelings be as they are and let them be tempered with new experiences, new relationships and a healthier mindset. Recognize your fears and doubts as they are and give yourself the time you need to trust others.

Make an active choice to be kind and rational despite your gut feeling. You are a bisexual woman, and you know for a fact that there are others like you, that not everyone is lying or pretending. These are facts, and thus connection and trust with other bisexual women is possible.

Remember that your choices and behavior are your own responsibility, but those of other people are not. You can choose to work on yourself, to cope and heal, and to be kind and civil, and that's really all you have to do. Don't let imagined slights or other people's lies become something that rule over you.

Also consider: What do you lose by believing other bi women, versus what do you lose by not trusting them?

I know all this will take time and probably be hard. But even a little bit of effort has a tendency to accumulate. There will come a day when you realize you have outgrown old pains.

-Lavender

#ask

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oraclekleo · 2 years

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Kang Tae Hyun (TXT) Kinky* Reading

Hello and welcome!

I’m Kleo and I’m here to present some k-pop related tarot readings to you.

Disclaimer:

I would like to state that all these readings have a purely entertainment nature and their purpose is to bring some fun into my and hopefully yours lives. I have never ever met any of the idols / actors / celebrities in my readings, I don’t know them personally. Tarot reading isn’t an exact science and I can never guarantee any of it. Most of it is my intuition mixed with fantasy. Don’t take these readings seriously and don’t base any important decisions on tarot readings only, use your common sense.

If you wish to request a tarot reading, please read the pinned post on my profile first to see the instructions on how to request. I only do readings for idols / actors / celebrities of 18 years of age or older. Requests for readings including younger people will be automatically dismissed. If you feel uncomfortable with these tarot readings, do not engage in reading my posts. Thank you for understanding.

Reading Info:

Rating: 18+

Reading Type: Single - Couple

Requested: Yes - No

Deck: E. A. Poe

Spread: Kinky*

Questions:

Position

Libido

Turn On

Kink

Dirtiest Secret*

Full Name: Kang Tae Hyun

Stage Name: Taehyun

Group: TXT

Masterpost: TXT

Kang Tae Hyun

Taehyun (TXT)

Deck: E. A. Poe

Spread: Kinky*

Position - Ace of Cups

Taehyun isn’t really into power play in a relationship. He’s a romantic and will play the role of good knight in shining armour. He’s also sensitive and needs to be taken seriously, otherwise he might feel hurt. He’s not the type to take his lover making fun of him lightly. Taehyun is just a softie in general. Be kind to him.

Libido - V The Hierophant

Poor baby Taehyun follows the rules. He’s likely pretty traditional when it comes to desire and what more, he thinks he has to control and suppress his instincts and urges. From what I see in the cards, he probably feels bad about masturbation, too. Either he’s not doing it or when he does, he feels guilty about it. Boy, it’s fine! Everyone does it. Don’t stress yourself about it.

Turn On - 2 of Swords

Taehyun is indecisive about what he finds attractive. Once again he might feel torn in between what’s expected from him to like and what actually turns him on. Maybe his taste isn't mainstream. Maybe he finds attractive the type of personality he was told to avoid for some reason ever since childhood (like when moms tell their daughters not to hang out with the members of motorcycle gangs but they have those smashing tattoos, cool leather jackets and bloody Harley Davidson… jk… but you get the idea).

Kink - 8 of Cups

All Taehyun wants is to be free to explore his own self and find what truly pleases him without the pressure and without any commitment. He’s truly just confused, insecure and anxious about his sexuality and needs to be allowed to find himself.

Dirtiest Secret* - IX The Hermit

As mentioned before, Taehyun’s secret is that he wants everyone to leave him alone, stop interfering into his life, stop telling him what he likes and dislikes, and just let him make his own choices. Geez! Let the man breathe!

Thank you for reading!

Hit the Like 💖

Comment! 💬

Reblog! 🔁

Follow for more! 💌

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theoncomingchaos · 2 years

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1000 Stars Ending- First Watch

I’m a bit late to finish the watch because of Obon, but I finally finished A Tale of 1000 Stars!

Final Thoughts under the cut including the second half of my analysis via a Queer literary lens.

First off, this show is really such a comfort. Even the dramatic angsty bits felt so cathartic and purposeful because we were all waiting for him to tell the truth and claim his own agency in his life. It was never going to be easy for him to tell everyone about Torfan, but we all knew from the beginning that it was not only coming, but that it would lead to a better Tian.

So many BL throw in pointless drama that really doesn’t have anything to do with the central theme. It’s just there to give an excuse to keep the main couple apart a little longer/create tension, and honestly it usually feels like filler. You know you have a good series when that kind of nonsense isn’t necessary because the story has a real conflict already baked into it- one that will lead to real growth and change for the characters involved.

Queer Lens:

As I mentioned last time, the very premise of this show erases a female character and throws a male into her story. Out of guilt, he proceeds to follow HER story and let it drive his life. This works out for him because he never really had a chance to make choices for himself or think about the future. His parents controlled everything and with his heart problems, he didn’t have to really face the idea of a future. However, once the Chief takes Torfan’s journal and the truth comes out, we start to see Tian come out more and more from the shadow of the stolen narrative.

One example showing that this is now HIS narrative was how he used his engineering skills to help the kids build kites. He understood the theory, even though he had never flown one before. Another is how he followed the men out to the woods even though it was dangerous and found out about the smuggling operation. He took action and became an active participant in his life, rather than a passive fill in for someone else.

Another important point is that his feelings aren’t coming from Torfan and that is made very clear in the series. This is not some supernatural story, she is very much dead. He may have her physical heart, but his feelings for the Chief came from him and even though it’s surprising for him, he showed courage in telling his friend and seeking advice and support about it. After that, he doesn’t shy away from it. He embraces his feelings for the Chief and in return they help him to find his own heart that he has never had a chance to really follow before.

All of these pieces build to the climax, where he finally goes to count the stars and he can’t. Metaphorically, this is so beautiful because, beyond trying to deal with his literal conscious guilt over Torfan, his inability to count the stars shows that unconsciously he knows now that he can’t live his life following her footsteps anymore. He can’t be her or fill the spot she would have filled. We can go further and read this as in he can’t continue to live up to the gender and heteronormative expectations put on him by his family either. He isn’t a woman, he isn’t Torfan, and he isn’t the man his parents want him to be: obedient, ready to take over the family business, do whatever it takes to get what you want/need, show off your wealth, confident, marry a woman and carry on the legacy of the family by having children etc.

He tries so desperately to count the stars because not only does he feel like he owes it to Torfan, but she has also been his guiding light. Without that, he doesn’t know what to do with himself which can be really terrifying. He has feelings for the Chief, but beyond that, he doesn’t truly know himself or what he wants for his life yet.

However, by forgiving himself for having a chance at life that Torfan can never have he fully lets her go and is set on the path to become his own person.

The remainder of the series does a beautiful job showing how consciously he didn’t know what he wanted yet by letting people make life decisions for him “since it’s for his own sake,” but the way he fell apart saying goodbye to the villagers showed that his heart already knew what he wanted. Fortunately, the narrative gave him another chance to be active in his story and to not only choose what he wanted, but to fight for it. His parents didn’t want him to be a teacher. It doesn’t fit their expectations of him, but he fights for it because he knows who he is now and what makes him happy and gives him purpose. We see a similar situation where he hugs the Chief in front of his parents at the airport. His mother is confused and seems disapproving, but even if that’s the case, we know that he isn’t going to just live the life he thinks he’s supposed to live anymore. Not the life his mother wants for him, not the life he once thought he owed Torfan, he’s going to live his own story. (Thus the symbolism of having his own journal at the end)

As far as queer narrative goes, when you live in a society that doesn’t accept you, a big part of life is struggling with this conflict- do you force yourself to live the way you are expected to or do you carve your own path and follow what makes you happy? I’m glad to see Tian had agency and took control of his own narrative. We don’t owe it to others to live our lives for them. We owe it to ourselves to find where we belong. It’s beautiful and worthy message.

The only thing that would have made me happier is to see him reunite with the kids, but it’s ok, we know they will be happy to see him.

#atotsrewatch2022 #a tale of thousand stars #tale of 1000 stars #phuphatian #thai bl #i hope this is coherent

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