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versadies · 1 year

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CHAPTER FOURTEEN || EVERMORE

SYPNOSIS (of chapter). in which a certain ragnvindr struggles with his fate and the complications in his life.

SYPNOSIS (of series). breaking up with your first love was heartbreaking, but not as heartbreaking as getting invited to his wedding after years of not seeing him. that is, until things seem to be easier when you encounter a certain guest, who could end up being more than just a blooming friend to you.

CHARACTERS. kamisato ayato, diluc ragnvindr, and thoma (w/ gn!reader)

CONTENT. angst/comfort(?), grammar errors (?), mentions of violence, sh1nsuke 🤥🤥, minor character death, car accident, mentions of threats, mentions of jeanluc, terribly written crime case (lost my brain after exams, sorry lads), diluc and kaeya are in good terms, spoilers to diluc’s canon story, possibly terribly written chapter overall (lost it after chap 13, sorry lads)

PENPALS. @scaraslover @saving-for-xiao @dawgimsohot @kazu-topia @chiruru @aqualesha @renamichii @mrkamisato @shenhesl0ver @serami00 @serenareiss @hiqhkey @emperatris-rinaka @bystander36 @irisxiel @ladycoleigh @034ven @dear-dairiess @owozi8 @hadesaedes @chiro-chiro-kun @hersscherofyatta @mariusvonhangme @yuzuricebun @hoshikistarlette @solaaresque @crowbird @lordbugs @flowersforayato @headintheclouddd @estelwrld @giyusimpsassemble @irethepotatosblog @moonlightaangel @alice0blog @shotosbrainrot @sniffoat @chihawari @mxsomn @kuni-kuzushii @jiminscarmex @mitsukii14 @nejibot @ylimeprive @sachispet @loreleis-world @sn-owo @starforecasts @someonetookmynamelmao @ceylestia @lychme @ymikkos @reallysporadicarcade @melodyyamino @dudufodd @somberrock @yevenly @lemontum @nghing @elychee @astrxlis @denkineptune @franini i @sophisticatedleslie @thedivinepriestress @smashsubs @httpmitsuya @bl6o6dy @cottonkendi (please visit this post if you’d like to be tagged !)

WORD COUNT. 14.6k words

LINKS. EVERMORE MASTERLIST \ MAIN MASTERLIST \ EVERMORE SURVEY

POST-SCRIPT. once again i have finally finished this godforsaken chapter after many weeks of my disappearance — ill try to finish chapter 15 before new year’s or so :,)) please take note to not expect too much from this chapter but it’ll help clear up the truth about diluc and his thoughts (but it wont clear your disappointment towards chapter 13)

PREVIOUS || NEXT || VERSADIES’ VERSION (PROCEED TO THIS LINK FOR FLUFF LOVERS)

A few things Diluc has lost were the bright hopes and future he once had when he was but a teen who's ready to fulfill as many achievements and dreams as he can.

He could still remember how happy he was with the life he had back then, how he dedicated himself to being faithful with his duties as a detective in the Favonius, Mondstadt’s police department, and used to follow his father around, listening to every word he says as he learns the ways of running the business.

He remembers all the lessons Crepus taught. He remembers his first time making a drink with the ingredients his father provided on a long table. He remembers his first time serving drinks to customers in Angel’s Share. He remembers his first time attending a business event with his father.

He remembers his past too much. A price to pay for dwelling too much in the past.

That Diluc is long gone. All that remains is his shell that’s swallowed by guilt, pain, and helplessness.

He does not live for himself, but lives for his family’s business to continue thriving and succeed like what his father wanted him to do. He lives to fulfill his father's wishes written on an old piece of paper. He lives to make sure his land is safe from the corrupted and from harm.

He lives to deal with the burdens that he gained from his birthday. A special, cruel gift from fate.

Wine is something he didn’t like much, which is ironic for someone who specializes in making them. His father actually planned to let him try some of their famous wines that people loved once he’s allowed to, until something happened.

Wine.. reminds him too much of what happened.

Diluc didn’t expect to lose his father so early, especially since his father is a healthy man who still had a life ahead of him and a son to guide. He thought his father would live long until he died of old age, a peaceful way of meeting death’s doorstep.

If only it weren’t for that treacherous car accident…

If only that drunk driver didn’t drink at all with a darn wine.

For one moment, Diluc was sitting right across from his father in their private van. They were just talking about what Adelaide would cook for dinner, they were just discussing about the client they were talking with earlier, they were just talking about what his father was supposed to say–

Then before he knew it, everything was turned upside down. Literally.

He has a hard time breathing, his vision is blurry as he feels lightheaded from being upside down.

Father…

Diluc tries to get his vision clear and come to his senses. He could hear people screaming somewhere, there’s something that tastes like metallic in his mouth, everything’s hot, he feels like he’s about to puke– but where is his father?

“Fa…Father…” He calls out. Everything aches so bad, what just happened to him?

Once Diluc finally sees more, he realizes the car he’s in is upside down. Is this… a car accident?

The young heir looks ahead when he hears a groan, and his eyes widens at the sight of his father being in the same situation as him – except, his state is way worse than his.

As for the driver… He doesn’t know where on Earth he is.

“Fa-Father!” He calls out, his fingers shakily try to unclasp the seatbelt before falling down to the ground that’s filled with the shattered windows from the van. “Father, are you alright?”

Diluc tries to ignore the pain all over his body as he crawls towards his father and helps him get out of the van. “Hold on, father. I’ll get you out of here!” He says as he reaches out towards his father’s seatbelt to unclasp it.

“Di..luc? Is that you my.. Son?” Crepus asks weakly, letting out a cough as he falls down from his seat. “I’m glad you’re,” He lets out another cough, “alright…”

“Don’t worry about me, father.” Diluc reassures him, helping him crawl out of the van through the broken window nearby. The only thing in his head is that he needs to get his father to the hospital immediately.

As soon as Diluc and Crepus finally manage to get out of the van, the younger man immediately tries to look for his phone in hopes of calling for the ambulance. Thankfully, his phone is still in his pocket and working despite its destroyed state, and he instantly dials the emergency contact.

“H-Hello? We need help, we’re somewhere by…” As he explains the situation to the operator, the young teen didn’t manage to notice how slow his father’s chest is moving up and down nor did he notice the blood on his hands from covering his mouth when coughing.

When Diluc finally looks at where his father is, his eyes are full of hope that they’re going to be okay.

“Father, help is on their way. We’re going to be okay” He says, hoping his father will be alright and be proud of him for what he has done.

Crepus remains silent.

“...Father?” He quietly calls, his heart sinking when he notices how his father’s chest is stilled. “Father, are you… a-alive?”

Diluc slowly leaned down with his ear on top of his father’s chest, his eyes widening in fear when he couldn’t hear any heartbeat at all, as though he’s….

No, let’s not jump into conclusions.. He’s probably asleep..

The heir gently shakes his father in hopes it’d wake him up, only for his shoulders to sink when his father is still motionless. “Father…?”

It took the ambulance to arrive for Diluc to stop trying to wake up his father, the paramedics carried him away as another inspected the young heir’s body for any injuries to take care of.

Whatever the paramedic told Diluc, he did not pay any attention to it. Not when he’s watching the two paramedics looking at each other with hesitant looks on their faces after putting all of their efforts in trying to bring back Crepus, who remains motionless.

The light in Diluc’s eyes fades away when he realizes what just happened.

He thought this was just a horrible nightmare. He thought he’d wake up to the familiar sight of his room and continue living in his life with his father who’s alive. It wasn’t until he realized he’s in the hospital room when his hopes shattered in realization that his father was dead and gone.

“Breaking News! The infamous wine tycoon, Crepus Ragnvindr, has unfortunately passed away due to a car accident. His son, Diluc Ragnvindr, has fortunately survived from the accident. We do not have any updates on the young heir’s condition, but we can only hope that he is well and we give him our condolences for his father’s passing.”

Diluc finds himself staring at the TV helplessly as he continues to stay on his hospital bed. After the paramedics took him and his father to a nearby hospital, he was hospitalized in a VIP room after getting his wounds treated.

Why did this happen?

He looks down at his bandaged-hands, only for him to remember seeing his father’s blood on his hands.

Why not me?

He suddenly hears a knock, to be followed by someone entering the room.

“And here I thought you’d never wake up.” Kaeya spoke as he closed the door behind him, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. “How are you?”

Diluc stays silent, still staring at his hands.

“...Why am I still alive?”

The red head didn’t bother to look at his sworn brother, who was extremely taken back by his question.

“...Why shouldn’t you be?” Kaeya responds, his tone is more serious. “What happened last night is out of your control–”

“I could’ve done something.” He interrupts, he now looks at the blue-haired man with an unfamiliar expression that wasn’t seen before from the usual brightful man.

It’s as if said brightful man has died with his father.

The blue-haired man dared not to say another word, causing the other to continue speaking. “I could’ve… I could’ve dragged him myself until I found a hospital. Or… Or maybe I could’ve noticed the signs more and performed CPR – but I was busy talking to the operator I couldn’t… I could’ve done something instead of watching him die.”

Diluc clenches his fists at the memory of the car accident. If only he watched his father more carefully, if only he insisted that they went to another place, if only–

If only he was the one who died instead of his father.

He can’t imagine running Angel’s Share on his own nor can’t he imagine being able to keep his family’s business together at this age. He thought his father would guide him all the way – he thought he wouldn’t be alone.

He doesn’t even know if he’s ready to become the next head of the Ragnvindr family.

“Whatever you could’ve done, there’s no point in that anymore when it already happened.” Kaeya says, grabbing a chair nearby and placing it beside Diluc’s bed before sitting down on it. “Father wouldn’t want to see you like this. He’d want you to carry yourself and take care of the family business with what he had taught you–”

“He isn’t here and he’ll never be.” He snaps. “I can’t just move on and act as if his death doesn’t phase me. I lost someone special to me.”

“He’s someone special to me too.” Kaeya retorts. “You’re not alone, Diluc. You have me, Adelinde, Elzer, and everyone else in the mansion who are willing to help you and be there for you. I’m not saying you should move on and act as if his death doesn’t phase you, but you should stop thinking of what could’ve been and think of what could be now.”

Diluc looks away from his sworn-brother, knowing he’s right.

It’s true… It’s better for him to think of what he can do now instead of the past.

“Did you find out who was behind the car accident?” Diluc questioned.

The blue-haired man fell silent.

“What would you do if I said yes?” Kaeya asks, leaning back against his chair.

Diluc took a long while to answer, something that made Kaeya guess his answer already. The young heir – well, the young CEO rather – is not one to sit idly by and let justice handle itself, it’s precisely why he’s such an efficient officer who never lets one case go ignored or incompleted.

So when he finally answered, Kaeya did not believe it one bit.

“Nothing.”

Liar. I bet you’ll suddenly disappear from this room the next day. Kaeya thought. Yet then again, regardless of what he’ll say to Diluc, he knows he’ll only get himself out later on to find more answers.

“I better not receive any calls from the hospital about you disappearing,” He said, letting out a defeated sigh. “There was a driver who crashed into your van. He’s currently imprisoned and will face charges as well as imprisonment.”

Diluc was about to open his mouth for another question when Kaeya lifted up his hand to stop him. “I’m not some person of interest being interrogated. Save your questions for later, focus on your health first.” He clarifies. “I can’t disclose too much about the incident to you since Chief Varka instructed me to, but I can reassure you we have everything under control, brother.”

The red-haired looks at him with an unexplainable expression on his face.

“...Fine.”

And so, Diluc trusted Kaeya, knowing fully well all the words his sworn brother told him were all a lie.

Eventually, he found out that the police suspected it was a drunk driver who drove into the car. However, thanks to the security cameras around that area being disabled due to technical problems that have been ongoing for the past weeks before, it took a while to find out who was exactly the drunk driver that managed to get away from the scene of the crime before the authorities arrived.

What made it more strange was how the person who was driving the van is not the same driver who usually brings Diluc and Crepus around the place. The driver was left behind in the building he and his father visited, meaning that this whole time, the two men were unknowingly in the same car with an unknown person who has unexplained motives.

Diluc could only guess the motives weren’t pleasant given the aftermath.

Unfortunately, the police weren’t able to find the unknown driver and are still looking for him, making all the things worse for Diluc, who feels like his lifespan is draining away the more he stays in the hospital doing nothing but wait and ponder.

Countless time that’s spent inside the hospital room made the red-haired feel suffocated. His patience is getting thin each time he receives no useful information whatsoever about the damn cause of the car accident that drove his father to death, his overwhelming guilt for being the only one to survive is getting bigger each day after spending too much in his thoughts, and his loneliness began to devour him inside out as the sounds of the TV news were just white noise to him.

He hates that he’s doing nothing.

It would’ve been better if he didn’t feel anything, but at this moment, he’s feeling everything.

Eventually, Kaeya and the others manage to find out who was involved in the incident – an FPD officer in his mid-20s who was trying to move on from a heartbreak, only to end up drinking more than he intended and got into a car accident.

He’s relieved that they finally found who was partially the cause of it, but that doesn't mean he feels like he can rest peacefully.

Not when the other driver is still missing.

It took a few more days until there’s finally more news about what FPD (Favonius Police Department) would do to the drunk driver, but it wasn’t what Diluc was hoping for.

“What…?” He asks for Kaeya to repeat what he had just said from the phone. It felt unreal to hear it – he would’ve thought his brother is joking with him again if it weren’t for the remorseful tone in his voice.

Surely… Surely Favonius did not go mad while he was gone, did they?

“I’m sorry you have to hear this, brother.” Kaeya said. “I couldn’t believe it either. When I came back from the hospital, Amber suddenly informed me that Officer Pallad was released with no charges at all.”

Had Diluc not controlled his strength, his phone would’ve been crushed and destroyed from anger.

“Why?”

“...Lieutenant Eroch informed me it was because there was not enough evidence to prove that he’s the one who was involved with the incident. Don’t worry, my team and I are already looking for more evidences–”

“I’ve waited long enough.” Diluc interrupts before ending the phone call, his eyes darted towards his coat that’s hanging near the door.

It wouldn’t hurt to have a chat with Lieutenant Eroch, would it?

“My deepest condolences for your loss, Detective Ragnvindr.” Eroch said, sitting on his chair as Diluc stood across from him. “Alberich informed me that you were still hospitalized, but it appears he isn’t aware that you’re discharged today. How are you?”

“I’ve been feeling better.” He answers, not bothering to give him a polite smile as he usually does with everyone back then. “May I ask something regarding the case of the car accident?”

Eroch hums. “Getting to the topic, huh? Alright, you may.”

“...Why did you release Officer Pallad?”

It took a few moments before the lieutenant let out a sigh, as though he suspected the young detective to ask such a question. “I may have realized that our officers could possibly have arrested the wrong man after the testimony of Officer Pallad during our interrogation. I cannot let our image as the protectors of our city be tarnished for such a possible mistake, especially since he’s a part of the department.”

“But the evidence is all there, is it not?” Diluc clarifies, not caring about the fact that he could get in trouble for questioning a higher up’s motives. “Alberich found that Officer Pallad was in Angel’s Share before he drove through the route that led to the car accident. He’s the only one whose vehicle has a huge dent at the fr–”

“It’s not enough for us to officially conclude it’s him who crashed into your van.” Eroch interrupts.

“Then what will it take for you and the others to consider him being–”

“Never. Unless you have a clear footage of Officer Pallad’s vehicle crashing into yours.”

Diluc tries not to feel hopeless. “...What about the person who was driving the van? Did your team at least find something about them?”

Eroch shakes his head. “Unfortunately we have not. But that’s none of our concerns at the moment, not when there are other important cases we have to look into.”

The red-haired man feels his hands clenched into fists. “None of your concerns? You’re looking for the two people who killed my father–”

“Tell me, Detective Ragnvindr. Are you here to waste my time telling me to do something I can’t do in a blink of an eye? Or are you here to give me something worth my time?”

The other man stays silent, his mind filled with more questions instead of the answers he wanted.

Why?

It didn’t help that the lieutenant looked less guilty and more bored, something that made Diluc start considering if the police department truly serves to protect the people of Mondstadt.

Eroch lets out another sigh before standing up. “I assure you detective that we’ll quickly let you know if we found something about the culprits, but now is not the time unfortunately. It’s best that you should keep this a secret from the public. We wouldn’t want our reputation to be tarnished because of a reckless officer drinking. If we won’t be able to find the culprits, then we have no choice but to consider–“

Eroch stopped talking when he hears something on his table, causing him to glance down and realize it’s a badge,

The badge that belongs to Diluc.

“Forget it.” The detective said in a cold tone before turning around to take his leave.

The lieutenant didn’t bother convincing Diluc to change his mind, and simply watched as the ex-detective left his office with all hope and faith lost in him.

All that remains is the determination in bringing down what brought his father to his death.

When Kaeya found out, he did not find the power to persuade his brother to come back and work for FPD, not when Diluc isn’t the type to retire from his career as a detective so quickly. Instead, he wished him well and made sure to let him know that he will do his best to help his dear brother out in finding out the culprits of the accident, something that the red-haired appreciated.

The news that Diluc has retired from being a detective spread like wildfire the day after. It didn’t matter what the public thinks, all that mattered for Diluc is that his father gets a proper and quiet funeral that he deserves.

The funeral… It’s hard to talk about it.

The ceremony left an empty part in the poor young man’s heart. Had it not been for Kaeya and those who work in the mansion, he would’ve felt alone. There wasn’t an overwhelming number of people who came to his funeral, but just the right amount of people for others to know how much Crepus was cared for and loved by a lot of people. Some were his close acquaintances in the business world, some were his old pals, some were his dear friends, and some were employees from both the mansion and from Angel’s Share who have been loyal for a long time.

Diluc tried to hold it together and not break down in front of everyone, wanting people to know that he can handle Angel’s Share without his father’s guidance anymore. It still feels unreal that he won’t see his father for the rest of his life now.

I promise father, Diluc thought in his mind as he placed a flower on top of Crepus’s coffin. I promise I will find out who caused your death and will make sure justice will come.

Of course, just because he stopped working in FPD, it doesn’t mean he’ll stop helping and protecting everyone in his nation.

Diluc plans to disappear sometime after his father’s burial, wanting to find out who crashed into the van and who was driving the van that he and Crepus were in. The least he can do is to bring justice to those who are responsible for his father’s undeserving death.

Before that, he must hear his father’s wills as well as a paper that’s written by his father that Adelaide managed to find when she was fixing the passed CEO’s bedroom.

His wills are simple. The mansion, the company, the establishment will now be in the hands of Diluc as he is the rightful heir. Kaeya got some valuable items of Crepus that’ll be of use to his life and his job in Favonius. The rest of the items will then be handed over to both charity and to Alice, Diluc’s godmother.

As for the paper…

It was a letter for both Diluc and Kaeya that the passed CEO managed to write in case he died. Not only did it contain advice and going through the memory lane, it also contained secret feelings and unsaid words that the man didn’t get to say.

One of them in particular is how an arranged marriage is offered for Diluc.

“As you know, arranged marriages are not uncommon in the business world, but I was surprised to see such an offer from the Gunnhildr family themselves. Nevertheless, I did not accept it nor did I reject it – simply because I assume you might consider it since the person they arranged you with is Jean Gunnhildr. Remember her? She was the one who had a pet turtle like you.

I also think you might be too busy with your work to even think about your love life, and it’d make me sad if a man like you ends up being alone for the rest of your life. So this arranged marriage is your best option if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone as kind, as capable, and as loved as Miss Jean. And do not worry, I know what you’re thinking, Miss Jean agreed willingly on this arranged marriage.

So I told them perhaps in time my son will send a response. And to my surprise, they’re very willing to wait for it no matter how long it takes. You may feel free to reject their offer as soon as you finish reading this letter your old man wrote for you and Kaeya, there’s nothing wrong with that. Though, it’ll make your old man incredibly happy if you decide to accept their offer (the rest of the letter is blank, making it evident that Crepus hasn’t finished it completely for unknown reasons). (1)”

Diluc didn’t know what to think when he read it.

Arranged marriage…? He never imagined he'd be in such a situation. He’s heard how it’s extremely beneficial for both parties, especially when it comes to businesses. Then again, that reason is simply not enough for him to accept nor consider the arranged marriage.

However… If it makes his father happy…

No, he has better things to do than that.

Now that the wills have been revealed, Diluc and Kaeya have no choice but to come visit Alice – who’s currently in Liyue for her next book about the region – to transfer some items for her.

“My deepest condolences for your loss.” She said, watching as Diluc sat down on his seat across from hers as someone filled his drink with tea. Unfortunately, Kaeya had a call from work and won’t be able to come inside the room to talk to the woman. “It saddens me that your father has to go so soon. How have you and Kaeya been?”

“Thank you… We’re doing well, Aunt Alice.” Diluc responds.

The woman smiles lightly. “That’s good to hear.. I’m sorry to hear that you haven’t found those who are responsible for the… accident. But you must know, revenge won’t do much for your grievance towards your father.”

The red-haired man tries not to look surprised, but stays silent, causing Alice to continue.

“I know it’s difficult to lose someone who guides you in your life. Partings are the most painful things, but they also encourage us to grow. A bird that has lost the roof over its head will fly further than others of its kind.”

She then lets out a chuckle. “But of course.. I know you wouldn’t be persuaded by my words, so I wish you still have your sense of good and justice on your journey to look for them. It’s not an easy task I bet, but I’m sure you’ll be able to catch them with your capabilities.”

The woman’s eyes gazed towards a bulletin board on one of the walls before looking back at the young man. “Should you be able to find the culprits, then you can try to go out and see the world afterwards. That’s the best course of action I can envision for you. Only by feeling, observing, and listening can your heart be healed. Everything that was your father now finds new life with you, that which you will experience in this world may have been things that your father experienced once upon a time.”

When Diluc looks at the older woman’s eyes, it screams nothing but good things for him and Kaeya.

Something he never thought he needed until now.

“...Thank you for your words.”

“Anything for you. I hope that the wind will bring you all manner of wondrous things in your many journeys to come, Diluc. Should you need a person to talk to or consult with, I’m always willing to lend an ear. I hope you won’t mind if I treat you as if you were my own child.”

–

It only took two days for Diluc and Kaeya to deal with the rest of the items that once belonged to Crepus while catching up with Alice before they decided to take their leave. Not only did they both have to go back for their jobs, but Diluc also had to go back to start his search in finding the culprits of the accident.

Before the two young men could leave the estate Alice lives in, the woman stops them for a moment.

“One last thing before you two go.” The woman then pulls out two items: a pocket watch and an earring with a blue jewel in it. “These belong to your father who left these with me back then. I think it’s best if you have these instead.”

Diluc hesitantly grabs the pocket watch while Kaeya grabs the earring, letting out a comment about “what a perfect timing this is, I was thinking of a good accessory to buy as a souvenir from Liyue.” causing Alice to laugh.

“Thank you, Aunt Alice. We wish you well on your journey as well as your work.” Diluc said politely.

Alice waves them off. “Have a safe trip, boys. Do tell my darling Klee that I said hi when you get back, alright?”

And so, the two men left.

As they’re on their way to the airport, Diluc stares down at the pocket watch Alice gave him, his mind filled with what’s to come for him once he comes back.

He can’t turn back now, not when the two drivers could potentially hurt someone else.

“You’re planning something, aren’t you?” Kaeya asks suddenly, causing the red-haired man to look up at his sworn brother.

“...What’s it to you?”

The blue-haired man lets out a chuckle. “Oh Diluc, I thought you’ve learned by now that I wouldn’t let you do things on your own, have you?”

He lets out a sigh in response. “I don’t need your help. This should be something I must do on my own–”

“You’re finding the two culprits who are responsible for our father's death, so I too want to take them both down with you because they deserve to go to jail for their crimes. Besides, you’re no longer a detective in FPD, the least thing I can do is to hand out some information that’s given to us, particularly the one that involves the mysterious driver that managed to get his hands on your van.”

His eyes slightly widened from hearing that. “...There’s info on the driver now?”

Kaeya hums. “It’s not much, but it’s worth reading it since I’m sure it’ll help you with your investigation. Feel free to ask more about the case, it’ll definitely take some work off my shoulders if you somehow find that driver. I’ll take care of the aftermath once you do”

Diluc stays quiet for a moment.

“..Fine, you can hand it over to me anytime. Just.. make sure to keep an eye on Eroch and his men.” He says.

The blue-haired crosses his arms. “Who said I don’t? That lieutenant has been suspicious since day one. I’m relieved Deputy Chief Jean is quite determined to investigate him and see if there’s anything suspicious.”

Jean…

“You mean Gunnhildr?” Diluc asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes. She recently transferred to the department thanks to Chief Varka. I caught her skimming around the lieutenant's office while he was gone.” Kaeya then smiles. “You should try talking with her. Isn’t she an old friend of yours?”

“We weren’t close.”

“Still. I’m sure she’ll be delighted to see someone who’s just like her in the department – besides the retirement – and is familiar with her personally.”

The red-haired man thinks about it for a while. If it makes Father happy…

“I’ll.. Think about it sometime.”

“Perfect.”

By the time the two men are on their way through the airport, Diluc finds himself immersed in his thoughts about his plan in going around Mondstadt to look for the culprits who are responsible for his father’s death. He was so distracted that he didn’t pay attention to how there are paparazzis lingering around nor did he realize that he was about to bump into someone until it’s too late.

“Sorry.” He mutters to the person he bumped into before continuing his way towards his plane. He failed to notice how a certain item managed to slip out from the pocket of his black and long coat.

Until he hears someone calling him.

“Sir!” The stranger called, causing Diluc to stop his tracks for a moment and turn around to see if the stranger was calling him, only to spot someone walking towards him with a familiar object that he stared at moments ago.

“You dropped this,” you said, showing him the pocket watch, “sorry again for bumping into you, by the way.”

Diluc’s eyes slightly widened, a bit stunned by your kind act. Had it been anyone else, they probably would’ve kept it with them..

He slowly grabs the watch from you. “Thank you.”

You give him a smile and nod in response. “It’s no problem”

Without another word, you immediately ran off from Diluc, as if you didn’t just get the chance to meet Mondstadt’s two most famous men.

“My, I’m surprised they didn’t know about us two, Diluc.” Kaeya spoke in amusement, watching you go away. “You’re lucky they gave you that pocket watch. I’m not sure what would happen to you if you lost your father's watch after he just died.”

Diluc’s expression quickly changes to a glare, looking at Kaeya’s direction. “Watch your mouth before I make sure you’re not going to my private plane on our way back to Mondstadt.”

The other laughed. “I’m rich too, Diluc.”

The red-haired man then turns around. “We should go before we start wasting our time. The sooner we get to Mondstadt, the better.”

“Whatever you say, brother.”

–

Diluc didn’t hesitate to start his search immediately when he arrived in Mondstadt.

Unfortunately, after Pallad was released from the department cell, the vehicle that had a dent was immediately returned to him, so there’s a chance that it’s gone by now.

Despite being accused of reckless driving and a culprit of a car accident, Pallad still had the audacity to come back to Angel’s Share – not that the CEO is complaining, this definitely made things easier for him.

It’s already an alarming sight to see the officer using a new vehicle.

For the rest of the night, the young CEO listens attentively to Pallad’s conversations with other customers who are familiar with him. There wasn’t any useful information until someone finally asked the officer about his car. Apparently, he got himself a new car because his other one is too old and not functioning well, making him give it up in a car graveyard.

That was all the information he needed.

It took a while when Diluc finally found the graveyard that Pallad owns with the help of some of his connections (one of them being Kaeya, who told him the details of what the car looks like). It wasn’t hard to find the car Pallad used since he only gave it up recently, but it was hard to hold himself back after seeing the officer’s car that clearly has a huge dent despite seeing it for the second time.

He will never forgive that drunkard for killing his father.

Diluc was at the very least relieved when he spotted a dash cam inside the car. The officer must’ve been confident enough to not consider deleting footage of his dash cam, thinking it’ll be destroyed thanks to the graveyard. Unfortunately though, the dash cam was broken from possibly the accident, so it took a while to restore the footage until the ex detective got his hands on the piece of evidence that Eroch will surely not reject.

After the repair, Diluc sent it to Kaeya, who would pass it to Chief Varka and drag Pallad back to prison at last.

All that’s left was the unknown driver.

If it weren’t for Kaeya’s help in giving him information, Diluc wouldn’t know where to start. The only information the Favonious Department found about the culprit is they’re a part of an organization called the Fatui, based on a blurry CCTV that contains footage of someone in a Fatui uniform infiltrating the parking lot where the Ragnvindr’s van is and was never seen coming out.

The Fatui… Just hearing that name made Diluc feel angry.

They’re not an unfamiliar name in the business world. They’re known for being dangerous, powerful, threatening, and not to be underestimated. A woman who owns the company, Tsaritsa, is the most powerful person in all of Snezhnaya. People in the cold region respect her and look up to her for her contributions to the country, particularly the advanced technology that she invented. Those who aren't from Snezhnaya look at her in the opposite way.

Crepus and Diluc are those people.

He’s heard of what they do to those who have wronged the company as well as the things they can do to those who associate with them. It’s a miracle that the Ragnvindr hasn’t interacted with them at all (as far as the young CEO knows at least..), and as the new CEO, he knew he had to keep it that way.

Now that he thinks about it, just what did Crepus do if Fatui is responsible for his death?

Diluc isn’t sure if he wants to know the answer.

But he knows he has to. He has to understand why this happened to his father and where the driver ran off to, even though he’s fully aware that he won’t be able to grasp the full truth of the story.

He then considers Alice’s advice: to travel around Teyvat. The Fatui is everywhere in the world, so he plans to go through every single one of them in each nation until he reaches Snezhnaya, where he’ll try to confront those who hold the higher ground of the Fatui and hopefully learn the truth.

He hands over the Dawn Winery business to Adelaide, Elzer, and Kaeya and informs them that they can always reach him through messages. He trusts them all that his family business won’t sink and will remain as strong as ever, so he isn’t worried that he’ll be contacted to come back to Mondstadt to fix a situation.

“How long will you be away?” Kaeya asks as he watches his brother pack his items in his luggage. “I’m not sure how to tell everyone about your leave, what should I answer if they ask when you’ll come back?”

“Tell them I’ll be back in due time.” He answers, focusing on thinking about what else to bring for his travels. “I can’t… guarantee when I’ll come back. This won’t be an easy trip for me.”

“Of course not, not when you’re taking on the Fatui.” The blue-haired said, his smile begins to fade. “Just… make sure not to die while you’re at it. I can’t attend another funeral again.”

“No promises.”

The two of them then fell silent. The only noise around the room is Diluc placing his necessities in his luggage.

“...Could you at least talk to Miss Jean once before you leave?” Kaeya asks.

Diluc lets out a sigh. “You’re seriously never going to live that down, are you?”

His brother lets out a chuckle. “Of course not. I’m quite curious to see why father didn’t try to reject the Gunnhildr family instantly. Besides, I’m sure Miss Jean would handle your company perfectly on her own should you leave again, you should see her capabilities as a leader and detective–”

“Fine, I’ll consider having a chat with her if that’ll keep your mouth shut.” He said with a huff.

Kaeya smirks. “Good. You can thank me by giving me a free drink in your establishment if you end up getting something out of that hangout.”

“In your dreams.”

–

With the help of Kaeya, Diluc was able to contact Jean and see if she’s willing to spend some time with him, only for her to instantly agree and invite him to a private restaurant where they won’t be disturbed.

“It’s an honor to be able to meet you, Mr. Ragnvindr.” Jean said with a polite smile as she and Diluc sat down on their seats across from one another, the server pouring water on their glasses before handing out two menus and taking his leave. “I hope you didn’t have a hard time finding this place, did you?”

The red-haired man shakes his head. “No worries, I didn’t have any difficulties. How’s your… day?”

“I’m relieved you didn’t have any hard time, and my day has been a breeze, thank you.” She then lifts up her cup towards her lips. “If I may ask, what brings you to spend time with me today?” She asks before taking a sip of her drink.

He lets out a sigh when he remembers his brother. “Ah… You should thank Kaeya for that. He’s been nagging me to come and talk to one of my colleagues before I take my leave.”

Jean’s eyes widened. “Oh, you’re leaving?”

He nodded in response. “I’m planning to… travel to some places. I won’t be back for a long time, so I’m sure a lot of things will change by the time I return.” He explained.

“I see… I understand, you need something to get your mind off of everything.” She says with a sad smile. “I hope you get something out of your trip, and may the wind lead you to the closure you needed.”

He processes her words. “...Thank you.”

Something flashes through Diluc’s eyes, and the atmosphere turns serious. “I hope you don’t mind, but I would like to discuss something regarding… something about a certain PD.” He adds.

Jean stays silent for a moment, also turning serious.

“...Is this related to the reason why you’ve asked for a chat with me?” She asks.

She’s not wrong, there’s actually more to this special hangout for Diluc that isn’t about the possible arranged marriage and indulgence. He remembered Kaeya telling him how she recently transferred to the department and had her eye on Lieutenant Eroch for reasons unknown. There’s no doubt that there’s something amiss in the police department, and it’s related to the lieutenant who shrugged off the case of his accident.

Could he be the one behind his father’s death perhaps?

Diluc feels a little guilty, feeling like he’s just using the woman for information. “Yes. I understand if you’re not willing to talk about it.”

Jean shakes her head reassuringly. “No it’s alright. I have a feeling I know where this is going now.”

She then looks around cautiously before whispering, “we are talking about Lieutenant Eroch, right?”

He nodded. “Correct. I heard that you’ve been skimming around his office.”

“You must’ve heard it from Mr. Alberich then.” She says with a light chuckle. “He’s the only one outside of the operation who knows, your brother has my deepest gratitude – if anything, I would’ve been easily caught by Lieutenant Eroch and make the situation worse if your brother tells him.”

“What’s your purpose there?” He asks.

Jean taps her fingers on the table, careful of what to say. “Let’s just say the lieutenant has been way too suspicious lately. Too suspicious that it caught the attention of a certain chief.”

“And the certain chief requested you to personally investigate it?”

She hums, looking down at her drink. “I suppose it’s for the better since we’re not sure who’s on our side, hence why I was transferred to the Lion of the South Department (2).”

“You came from the Falcon of the West Department, correct?”

“Yes. I was actually supposed to come to the Lion of the South Department in a year, but it seems Chief Varka has other plans.”

Diluc chuckles. “He’s one unpredictable man, indeed.”

Jean then looks up at the man. “Is there.. Something you want me to do?”

He crosses his arms. “There is. I take it that you haven’t found anything from his office?”

She shakes her head with a sigh, only for Diluc to continue his words. “Then you should look on the rooftop.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, now curious. “May I ask why?”

“The lieutenant’s always up there if he’s not in the conference room and office.” Diluc says. “I’m sure a man like him wouldn’t go to the rooftop for view-watching or some peace and quiet. You should check if there’s something that’s hidden in sight.”

Jean nodded slowly. “I see… Thank you for this, Mr. Ragnvindr.”

“Please, you may call me Diluc.” He says. “I’m sure this won’t be the last time we’ll interact and talk like this.”

It’s safe to say he’s right, this wasn’t the last time he’ll be interacting with Jean.

He’ll admit, she’s good to cooperate with. Not only did she take note of his advice, she also made sure to give a piece of her mind in return.

Had the arranged marriage been a business partnership instead, he would’ve taken it.

Then again, what difference does it make?

As soon as their hangout came to an end, both parties were satisfied with the information they gained. They both agreed to keep in touch with one another through texts so Jean could update him about Eroch (and hopefully something about the Fatui should the Favonius find out about something), thus exchanging each other’s numbers before taking their leave.

Afterwards, he began his journey to travel around Teyvat in search of the truth.

He supposedly wanted to stay in Mondstadt to investigate them, but knowing the possibility that they could be watching him given that he didn’t die from the accident, he instead decided to make it his last resort.

Of course, he kept in touch with Kaeya, Adelinde, and Jean. Who all informed him of updates regarding Mondstadt, the wine establishment, and the FPD. There were many good news to hear, such as how Kaeya became even more famous after a particular case where he found many children who were missing, how Angel’s Share is still the most sought-after establishment–

The one news that made him relieved is how Lieutenant Eroch has finally been arrested for many countless crimes committed, but unfortunately, none of the crimes were involved with the car accident.

He also learned how Chief Varka and a couple of officers were sent to a classified mission, which resulted with Jean becoming the current Chief of Police while he was gone. Meanwhile, Kaeya also became the lieutenant of the FPD, claiming he’s now “oh-so busy after my dearest brother left me here to rot with these never ending cases.”

In a blink of an eye, four years have passed.

There was never a moment when his determination wavered, his passion is as strong as an eternal flame that never goes out. He never fails to remember why he’s doing this and why he must finish this journey, reminding himself by remembering all the memories he shared with his father.

Sometimes, he goes back to that time when Crepus died. Trying to remember if there was a single detail he must’ve missed that could help him make more progress with his investigation, only to bring back the pain, helplessness, and guilt he tried to suppress.

He took down most – if not all – that involved the Fatui’s dirty work, brought down those who are as evil as they can be and exposed them in public, and even fought them with either his own hands or with a weapon should the situation resolve in.. an inappropriate manner.

Because of this, he’s now considered a threat who shouldn’t be underestimated.

Throughout his trip, he once helped a few people who have the same motives as him, such as a woman from Liyue’s government – the Qixing – whose against one of the members of the board of directors in the Fatui, a young CEO in Inazuma who disapproves the Fatui, a man who holds an important position in Teyvat’s most prestige academy and also has something against the Fatui for reasons he didn’t disclose, and many more.

However, the most notable person he came to work with is someone who introduced him to a secretive network. If it weren’t for them, he would’ve been killed in Snezhnaya by the Fatui.

Despite how far he has come, Diluc never encountered Tsaritsa – besides some of the board of the directors, who all have anything but good intentions towards him. This doesn’t mean his journey all came to fruitless of course, not when he learned so much from traveling around the world and encountering other people.

He looked past his progress from his journey, and after a lot of thoughts, he decided to join the underground intelligence network, where he put all his dedication in it just as he did in the FPD. Not only did he rise up into the upper ranks of the network, he also gained even more useful information about the Fatui, such as how Officer Pallad’s involvement with the accident has nothing to do with the Fatui, causing the driver to run away from the incident since the van is destroyed.

He also finds out from the network that the Fatui can’t touch certain people such as the Tianquan, the Chief of Police, certain families, and even certain CEOs of companies who are too valuable in their nations. He also gained new comrades – most of whose pasts are left behind and go on with the future like the wind.

Perhaps he too, should stop looking back with the past and not think about all of what could’ve been anymore.

By the time his journey had ended, he had a conclusion.

The driver is still unknown, but he knew the order came from either the board of the directors, the chairman, or the CEO herself based on certain documents from each branch that mentioned the Ragnvindr name. The possible explanation is that Fatui wanted to burn down the biggest supplier and the company who has unmatched wines in Mondstadt, whose nation revolves around wine and freedom, to give themselves the opportunity to have such title.

Not to mention how everything will turn out worse should he face the Tsaritsa with ill intentions. Given how the Tsaritsa is one of the most – if not the most – important figures in Snezhnaya, only Celestia can tell what will happen to Diluc.

He also realized that when he comes back to Mondstadt, he is still just as unsafe as he was during his stay in Snezhnaya.

He started thinking: what if he loses everyone he cares for? What if his brother gets taken? What if his dedicated and loyal employees get hurt? What if he somehow falls in love with someone, and they get hurt because of him?

This led Diluc to believe that it’s for the best that he tries not to get too close with anyone anymore – let alone fall in love. Hence why he isn’t usually found with people around him, besides those who work for him or want to work with him in the business world of course.

If he wants to be safe as well as protect those who he cares for, he must protect Mondstadt and be associated with someone who can’t be touched by Fatui.

When he finally returned to Mondstadt, everyone was too busy talking about the latest mystery of the nation, aka the person responsible for the crime rates suddenly going down and for dragging criminals to the FPD’s doorstep before the sun rises. No one suspected it was the CEO of Angel’s Share – not when he just came back from his journey (in reality he actually arrived back a bit early but went undercover for a couple of days before announcing his comeback).

By day, Diluc stays in his office doing his work by signing and approving documents, inventing new beverages, and sometimes serving in Angel’s Share if the days are quite slow. By night, he strolls around the city when everyone’s asleep, looking out for anyone who’s in possible danger as well as anyone who’s possibly a threat. He makes sure no one was followed or stalked, no shops being stolen, and no houses being invaded – it honestly reminded him of his old days as a detective back then.

A few days after his arrival, he received an invitation to visit the Gunnhildr estate.

He saw no reason to reject such an invitation, but it was rather a bit strange how the head of the family’s keen on meeting him.

Deep down, he thinks he knows the reason why.

Right now, he finds himself sitting across Frederica Gunnhildr in her study, anticipating for what’s to come. He hasn’t been in the Gunnhildr estate ever since his father was still alive. He always spends time outside playing with Jean back when they were kids, so this is his first time being in Frederica’s study as the head of the Ragnvindr family.

“Thank you for deciding to visit my estate, Mr. Ragnvindr.” Frederica says with a smile. “I hope your journey has been beneficial to you, how was it?”

“It’s alright. My journey’s as unforgettable as the memories I had from it.” He responds. “Congratulations on your daughter’s promotion. You must be proud of her for being in quite an influential position in the FPD.”

The elder woman laughs in flattery. “Oh my, thank you. You’re right on that, I am proud of my darling Jean. She’s been working hard in the FPD for as long as I can remember – she reminds me of my passed mother.”

She then sighs. “Oh but it is a shame she has no lover. I worry that she’ll be too focused on her work to the point where she won't fall in love with anyone at that rate.”

“I’m sure your daughter will be able to think about it in some time. Her career is full of responsibility after all, so it’s not too surprising that she’s not so focused on something else than protecting Mondstadt.”

Frederica hums in agreement. “That’s true… What about you, Mr. Ragnvindr?”

Diluc looks at the woman in confusion. “Pardon…?”

“Are you in love with someone perhaps? Surely a handsome man such as you would reach people’s interests. There’s bound to be someone who catches your eye.” She clarifies with a small laugh.

He shakes his head in response. “There’s none, and I like to keep it that way. It’s the least of my priorities since I just returned to Mondstadt and my family’s business requires my full attention.”

“Business, huh?” She mumbled. “..What do you think about arranged marriages then? It’s quite beneficial to both parties depending on their contract and agreement.”

Ah, his suspicions were right.

Despite the fact that Diluc has no interest in such a topic, he can’t help but see an opportunity in this.

The Fatui’s bound to make their move soon, and he fears they might do something to him and everyone around him. However, being with Jean means he can’t be touched by the organization due to how they can’t exactly touch a person who’s associated with someone as powerful as a chief in a police department in fear of being considered as a threat to a nation itself. Not to mention how he can also get benefits of gaining access to the FPD’s files if Jean allows it since she now has the power to get anything in the police department as a chief.

He then remembers the letter Crepus wrote. “It’ll make your old man incredibly happy if you decide to accept their offer.”

…

“...I haven’t thought much about it.” He answers slowly.

“Would you consider marrying my daughter through arranged marriage then?”

“...”

Frederica covers her mouth as if she didn’t mean to ask such a question. “Ah, I might’ve been too straightforward.” She says apologetically. “It’s just.. Your father – may he rest in peace – and I have talked about it back then, and he says–”

“I’m aware of that.” Diluc is quick to clarify. “I’m grateful he let me be the one to decide such a matter as it is my life we’re talking about. Did your daughter agree to this…?”

The woman nodded in response. “I suppose this arrangement is one of the reasons why she hadn’t thought about love as she still has a proposal to wait for. Of course, just as your father must’ve told you, it’s alright if you reject this marriage since this is just an option for you both.”

The red-haired man slowly nodded in understanding.

He doesn’t see any bad reasons as to why he shouldn’t accept their offer, but neither did he see any bad reasons in accepting their offer. Jean’s capable of protecting herself and not getting targeted by the Fatui as she’s important to both FPD and Varka, and she’s willing to be in the marriage for business reasons just like him.

Not to mention how there’s no certainty that they’ll fall in love with one another, which is something Diluc’s grateful for as he never sees the woman that way.

And if accepting the marriage is what makes his father happy…

“...Then… I suppose I can consider such an offer.”

Frederica’s smile grew wider. “Perfect.”

And so, Diluc finds himself being a fiance.

When Jean heard the news that he accepted the marriage offer, she was quite surprised, but nevertheless was happy that she’s able to make her family even more proud by being able to marry a man as influential and powerful as Diluc.

Thankfully, the two of them were on the same page about not wanting to have any strings attached between them besides being friends, as they completely see each other as nothing but such. They’ve also come to terms with their conditions about what marriage can bring to them and their businesses which all bring benefits to one another.

For the past year since then, it was evident that they’ve grown closer with each other – but in a way that friends do with one another rather than lovers. The two of them eventually got comfortable with the other’s presence in their life as they continue collaborating for various reasons. Sometimes, they’d joke with one another. Sometimes, they’d reminisce about memories. Sometimes they’d read books with each other in the same room, though at a fair distance. Sometimes, they’d wonder what it’s like to be out of the burdens of their lives. Sometimes, they’d share some peaceful silence between one another.

Those times never really changed their uninterested feelings towards each other, because to Diluc, this marriage is simply more of a promise of eternal alliance and friendship rather than a promise of a romantic future, and Jean wholeheartedly feels the same.

To Diluc’s relief, there were no actions from the Fatui towards him – unless you consider the few Snezhnayan merchants who’d come to the wine tycoon in hopes for a partnership with their business – thanks to the news about how Diluc and Jean are frequently seen with each other, but not one person outside the two families were none the wiser about the upcoming marriage that’ll be announced soon.

It’s understandable for them to not talk about the possibility of being in love with someone else during their marriage, none of them could imagine experiencing that from how busy they are with their work.

Fate really is humorous.

Fast forward, Diluc was recently invited to attend the Grand Goth Hotel for the wedding between Hiiragi Chisato and Kamisato Ayato, and unfortunately he had to go alone since Jean’s too busy with her work and will visit once she’s done, so he thought he’ll just be all alone, something he grew used to and didn’t mind thanks to his four years of exploring around Teyvat.

Then he met you.

When he bumped into you due to him being distracted by his call with Kaeya. He realized his mistake for not apologizing quickly, but when he turned around to look at where you are, you’re far from his reach.

He thought that was the end of it, until he saw you again in the souvenir shop hours later. He felt like you looked familiar when he first saw you in the shop, and perhaps you must be feeling the same way as well from how you’ve been staring at him like a hawk. However, when it’s revealed that you’re only staring at him because you remembered him bumping into you, he felt… taken back. That’s the reason why you’ve been staring at him?

He was even more taken back when you were quick to tell him how he was so rude for not apologizing to you. He’ll admit, it’s sort of a refreshing sight to see someone who isn’t so timid or nervous around him and isn’t afraid to scold someone for their errors no matter who they are. Nevertheless, he didn’t hesitate to apologize for his behavior – and when he found out you’re also a guest in the wedding, he was even willing to pay for your wedding gift if you allow him to share, something you reluctantly agreed on after checking its price. In a way, this is his payment for what you’ve done for him back at the airport (though, he wasn’t aware that you’re the same person that gave him his father’s watch at that time).

The next time you meet was in Good Hunter’s, whereas he overhears your conversation with who seems to be your group of friends. He didn’t bother listening to it, until he heard his name being mentioned.

When you explained how you don’t like him because of how rude he is, he felt taken back once again. Were you really that hurt from him bumping into you? Well, his shoulders are broad and must’ve hit you quite harshly if he wasn’t careful at that time, so he can’t blame you for thinking he’s rude for that.

But then again, he thought buying those champagne flutes for you was enough…

Turns out, it is enough.

It was strange how he keeps seeing you these days, especially this particular day. Almost everywhere he goes, you’re also there. It was quite an interesting situation, he thinks.

However, he knows that he shouldn’t get close to you. He swore to never be close with anyone anymore (with the exception of his loved ones) and you cannot be an exception. That’s why he has to make sure he can’t meet you again, for you and his sake.

Yet despite his oath, he still finds himself getting involved with you – especially during one of those encounters when he sees you in a rather uncomfortable situation.

He recognizes the two men talking to you as being the members of the Kamisato family. He would’ve mind his business if it weren’t for how you seem to be in need of help,

And Diluc is not someone who ignores such a situation.

So he comes over to where you are, acting as if he was looking for you despite a part of him telling him to not go and help you. Fortunately, you caught on to what he was trying to do and played along to his lie, something that the other two men fell for and decided to leave you two alone.

He’s not one to pry into someone’s life, but he wonders what the Kamisato has done to make you so distraught and sad. Instead of asking, he simply kept his mouth shut and offered you his handkerchief, and you reluctantly grabbed it from him.

The gesture made him finally realize why you’re so familiar to him.

The incident was years ago, but he’ll never forget you giving him back something precious to him. He really can’t imagine what would’ve happened if he lost one of the things that belonged to his father. He isn’t sure if you remembered it, but it didn’t matter, because he finally repaid his gratitude to you.

After comforting you, he eventually found out that you indeed had forgiven him already, causing him to feel a bit embarrassed that he’s been thinking that you still haven’t forgiven him.

As soon as you enter your hotel room after what happened, Diluc realizes that somehow, this wedding no longer seems to be as lonely as he anticipated it to be.

You became a familiar sight for Diluc from then on as much as he didn’t want to.

The next time you meet is in the bachelor party, whereas the two of you started to get to know each other more. You’re pleasant and smooth to talk with, and there was never a moment where the two of you felt off with your conversation despite some differences with opinions and ideas – at least, that’s what he feels – and bonded a lot on how you two have a lot in common.

You’re not afraid to speak your thoughts and even laughed at some words he said that were unintentionally a joke. Even though you now know of his achievements and reputation, you still treated him the same, which is something that made him feel pleasant. Even more so when you praised him for being such “a cool multitasker” as you watch him make drinks and serve them throughout your conversation with each other.

He can’t help but be reminded of his father, and yet for some reason, he didn’t feel remorse from that.

He’d never thought he’d click with someone, let alone having a conversation that could last forever, like he did with you. Interacting with you feels like he doesn’t have to be so uptight and has to keep up with the formalities – especially after convincing him that he doesn’t have to do so – and he’s free to say his thoughts.

When you decide to stop your conversation for a moment and excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, Diluc tries not to show the disappointment in his eyes and words. It’s strange to him, why is he so disappointed? You’ll come back anyway just like you said.

As he waits and waits, he earns himself a new company.

Kamisato Ayato is… One secretive and mysterious man. It’s not something Diluc is suspicious of, really. If anything, the two of them have a few things in common, such as their shared determination in protecting the people they care for, their shared hatred towards the Fatui, their share experiences of being the CEO at such a young age –

As well as the shared fact that their marriages are arranged.

Diluc isn’t so surprised with the fact that the other is aware of his situation, but he was surprised that he sent him a warning about being careful with how he spends time with you, who is still in the bathroom doing only Celestia knows what.

His warning alone made the bartender wake up from his daze, and he faced the reality he had always hated.

You can’t be involved with someone like him, a man whose hands have been dirtied and committed things that he dares not to explain.

Once you’re entangled with him, you’ll simply be yet another person he has to protect from the Fatui and the burdens of only simply being his friend. Although he’s soon to be a part of the Gunnhildr family, he knows that won’t completely make the Fatui leave him alone. Spending time with you will only make things hard for you.

Not to mention how people would react if they see you spending time with Diluc, and only Celestia can tell how drastic the rumors can be once this spreads around, so Ayato is indeed right, he should leave you alone.

He does not acknowledge how such thought aches his chest deeply.

Still, he knows that ignoring you wouldn’t do anything but cause problems, so he tells himself that it’s up to you if you still want to spend time with him.

And it seems you do, especially the next day after that.

The CEO was surprised to see you entering Angel’s Share, especially since the wedding is today. What surprised him more was when he realized just how much he missed you – or talking to you rather.

What a strange feeling…

As he continues doing his job, he can’t help but observe you from afar; a habit that he does at times during his shifts here whenever an unfamiliar customer visits the establishment but unlike everyone he observes, he doesn’t observe you out of suspicion that you have something up your sleeve. You looked like you’re enjoying your time with your few friends, something that made him quite happy to see (even though one of your friends is someone who’s rather a hassle in his establishment when he feels like it).

He feels all the more pleasant when you decide to chat with him for a bit as though you’re old time friends, not realizing that he may or may not have slipped up a few words that he didn’t really mean, making you assume that he’s just there for the wedding to serve his finest drinks.

It’s only a matter of time until Diluc realizes what he was doing, especially when he finds himself looking at your way unintentionally. You just look so out of place in Angel’s Share in such a good way that his eyes are drawn to you, like how a moth can’t help but be captivated by a shining light.

It comforted him to see you being relaxed in his establishment – be it because he’s happy to see his customers satisfied or because you’re happy – and he wanted to let it stay that way, especially when he has a few guesses on why you were saddened whenever the groom of the wedding is around.

When he catches on to the fact that you’re also staring at him, he can’t help but feel conscious about himself, thinking about how he mixes his drinks, how he positions himself by the bar, or how he talks to his fellow customers politely, he wonders what you think about what he’s doing even if it’s the simplest of gestures.

…Is this really something friends think of about each other?

By the time it’s time for you and your two friends to leave in order to get ready for the wedding, Diluc couldn’t help but feel disappointed, wanting to say more to you but couldn’t.

However, when you take one more look at him while he’s staring at you as well, and give him an acknowledged nod with that smile of yours; he knows the two of you will eventually talk again and catch up once more.

For some reason, he’s looking forward to the wedding more than ever.

By the time he makes it to the wedding, he was a bit surprised to see that the ceremony hasn’t commenced yet. His surprise instantly disappears when his eyes land on you, who looks as though you’re looking for someone. Could it be him, he hopes?

Thankfully, luck was on Diluc’s side. Seeing how there’s one more seat that’s empty beside yours, he slowly makes his way over to you to sit on that empty chair. When he sits down, you instantly look at him and your eyes brighten.

Him noticing you being excited from simply seeing him made the wine tycoon feel.. Something. Important? Valued? He isn’t sure anymore, he’s at a loss for words when it comes to you.

Truly, this must be something friends have sometimes.

As he watches the wedding ceremony commence, he can’t help but feel as if someone’s watching him from behind. This caused him to cautiously turn around for a bit, only to find the father of the bride glaring at his direction, but not at him it seems.

He then realizes that the father of the bride was glaring at you.

Diluc couldn’t help but feel protective, internally taking note to watch the current CEO of the Chisato company should he plan to do something to you.

When the wedding went on to the reception, it seems luck is still on Diluc’s side. When he arrives at his assigned table by looking for his name displayed on the seats, he spots your name on the seat that’s next to his once again.

It made him feel relieved, knowing that he won’t be sitting next to those who would most likely talk to him in hopes of gaining opportunity to have the CEO’s attention and support in their businesses and whatnot.

When you find out as well, you’re pleasantly surprised, but nevertheless happy with the arrangement. If anything, it gives you a chance to continue your previous conversation with your friend!

Throughout the party, the two of you bonded more and are closer than ever. Diluc really couldn’t recall when’s the last time he had a conversation like this. It really feels as if he could never get tired of talking with you and won’t run out of topics to talk about.

His highlights of your conversation are the times when you laugh at his words, when you listen to him with an awe look on your face, and when you talk so passionately about the things you love.

Diluc particularly admires how you talk about your beloved nation, Inazuma. You talk as if Inazuma is your child, and you’re a parent who’s proud of it. Not only did you tell him the things that you love about it, but also showed him just how much you missed your home with the longing look on your face. Considering how long you haven’t visited the nation ever since you went to Liyue, he can understand the feeling.

Someday, he’d like to go there with you… Maybe then you’ll be happier than you are now, and he wants to see that in his own eyes.

After you explained all there is to know about Inazuma, Dilic then shares his own words about his nation in return. He talks about the things that he thinks you might like about his land, only to find that you love everything about Mondstadt and explain how much you love the place, telling him how you’ve always wanted to go to Mondstadt because of its carefree nature and kind people. It was something that Diluc isn’t surprised by – he’s used to many foreigners he had talked to telling him about how wonderful Mondstadt is – and yet, he feels his heart warming hearing such compliments about his home from you.

While he was explaining though, he can’t help but notice how you’re somewhat.. distracted, as if your thoughts drifted off to something, causing him to feel a bit concerned. Are you bored from his explanation? Did he say something wrong? Or.. Is it because of Ayato?

When he asked you if you’re alright, you only responded that you’re distracted by the sight of the garden that surrounds the open-air room. He wasn’t convinced obviously, but seeing how you don’t want to admit the real reason, he knows not to push you for it and respect your privacy.

However, asking you somehow got him to spend time with you in the hotel’s garden.

Diluc could see why the garden is one of the hotel’s best spots for guests. It’s as magical and peaceful as what most people described.

And yet, he can’t help but think that this place is all the more magical and special when you’re here with him.

“It’s so beautiful..!” You comment in pure awe. If you at least glance at where Diluc is, you would’ve realized that he isn’t staring at the view of the garden that is indeed beautiful.

“Indeed.” He quietly agrees, his gaze never left you.

…

Diluc feels his shoulders sinking a bit. Friends don’t think of each other this way, don’t they?

…

As the two of you stroll around the garden, Diluc covers topics regarding the flowers that surround the two of you and about other things, all the while you listen with great eagerness.

It was only when he started talking about his first drink when he realized something.

How long has it been since he talked to someone about his father? Let alone his past?

Was he really that comfortable talking to you to the point where he’s willing to share the things he never thought he’d talk about with someone?

He was sincerely taken back that he didn’t watch his step and accidentally stumbled from a bump on the pathway.

…How embarrassing.

His thoughts from before instantly fade away, replaced by how embarrassed he is from the situation he put himself in. It was impressive how you managed to pull him back from falling, had it not been for your strength, he would’ve been even more embarrassed from falling down to the ground completely.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the only embarrassing incident that occurred between the two of you. One thing led to one another, and suddenly he finds you hugging his arm out of fear from the sudden appearance of your plus one.

Diluc felt like he was frozen the moment he felt your touch on him. He didn’t know what to do really, especially when you’re holding onto him as if your life depends on it. It was only by the time you let him go when he felt like he could breathe, watching you walk away first to get back to the venue.

Despite letting him go, he still feels the ghost of your touch.

–

It seems the night is still young for you and Diluc.

After the reception, the two of you proceeded to explore around Mondstadt City together to hang out more. But this particular night brought the man to something more than just a hangout.

The more the both of you continue to spend time together, the more Diluc feels more confused, maybe even worried, about his thoughts and feelings towards you. He doesn’t know who you are to him if not a friend. If you’re indeed just a friend, then why does he feel like it’s more than just? If not a friend, then what?

Deep inside, a small part of him already knows the answer to his worries and thoughts.

So when he sees you talking with someone who interrupted your hangout with him, an unpleasant feeling creeps up on him, especially when it turns out that the stranger is someone you’re familiar with.

He hasn’t felt jealous for a long time until now.

Just the thought of you being with someone else made him feel unpleasant, and he isn’t sure what to do with it. He could only watch as you happily chatted with Heizou, his mind clouded with conflicts and realizations.

Diluc realizes that his feelings towards you are something serious. This isn’t a mere admiration and fondness that will go away in a blink of an eye, but the kind of admiration and fondness that made him want more.

What hurts is that he knows he can’t have that. Not when his life is too complicated to have the happiness he wants to have more with you, not when his life is as dangerous as it can be to have the peacefulness he wants to share with you, and certainly not when he’s entangled himself with an eternal marriage with his partner who he considers as his friend to have you as his.

Yes, Diluc finally admitted it. He wants you to be more than his friend. He wants you to be more than just someone who he sees on a daily basis, but someone who he sees when he wakes up to another day, someone who he sees when he’s all dressed up with gifts for yet another memorable date night, someone who understands him more than he understands himself, someone who he kisses goodnight before sleeping away next to each other, someone who he will cherish with all his heart without hesitation,

Someone who he loves just as soulmates do.

But he knows that it’s far out of his reach.

What hurts more is how the two of you won’t be able to see each other soon, and none of you are sure when you’ll be able to.

…It’s for the best, he thinks.

The morning after, he received a phone call from Jean.

“How was the wedding?” She asks.

“It was… not bad.” He replies. “I made friends with someone.”

“Really? Wow, that’s great! I hope I’ll be able to meet your friend when I get there, they must be one great person.”

His eyebrows raised up in surprise. “You’ll visit here today?”

“Yeah, I’ll be able to come to the hotel today to congratulate the couple. I hope you don’t mind introducing me to your friend while I’m at it.”

Diluc isn’t sure what to feel about Jean’s eagerness to meet you, but regardless, he agrees to her request. “…Of course. You two would get along well.”

“I sure hope so! And if you want to, we can also invite your friend to our wedding! I’m sure there’s room for one more guest.”

“…We’ll see. Let’s meet up by the lobby when you arrive.”

“Alright, I’ll let you know when I arrive. See you there, Diluc.”

And just like that, the call ended.

Diluc puts his phone down with a sigh. What is he going to do?

Nothing it seems.

Though, he can’t help but notice how a few Fatui members have been around the hotel lately. Usually he ignores them if it weren’t for how.. often he sees them today. Is it perhaps related to a certain higher up who wants to buy the hotel?

Or.. is it related to a scheme he has yet to know about?

He thinks about it deeply to the point where he even spaced out a bit while talking to you in the garden as you wait for your friend.

He eventually finds out what the Fatui were up to when he decided to contact one of his associates in the underground network.

“The people you’ve been seeing are under the security branch of the Fatui, so it’s evident that someone must’ve hired them for something they’re planning to do that needs to be under wraps. We’ll let you know if we happen to find out who’s their employer and whether or not you should intervene.” His informant tells him through the phone as Diluc continues to stand around the lobby waiting for Jean, eyeing on the Fatui guards carefully from afar.

He didn’t have to wait for long on who’s the employer of the Fatui guards.

As soon as he kept his phone away after the phone call, he noticed the father of the bride walking around the lobby with a couple of the Fatui following him. He raises an eyebrow at the sight of the guards walking in a certain formation as though they’re surrounding someone–

Only for his heart to drop when he sees you among said guards.

What are they doing with you?

He then remembers how Shinsuke was glaring at you at the wedding ceremony back then, causing him to conclude that it must’ve been related to whatever’s going on with you and Ayato.

He didn’t hesitate to start following them in hopes of getting you out of there safely, only to lose sight of you when a lot of people suddenly entered the lobby.

He quietly curses at himself in irritation as he tries to walk through the busy crowd, hoping that he’ll still be able to see you once he’s out of there.

When he still doesn't see you, he feels like he’s about to burn this place down.

Please be alright, he thinks as he runs around the lobby like a madman, looking at every hallway to see a glimpse of you or your captors who seem to have more than just ill intentions towards you. It feels like he’s back in the incident where his father died as he feels the same thing that his younger self felt. Helplessness and fear of losing his loved one.

Fortunately, it was only a matter of time when he spotted the familiar Fatui guards standing in front of a door, holding what appears to be the very same bag that he saw you carrying at the garden earlier.

He didn’t hesitate to go towards where they were, causing the guards to notice him at last and be alerted.

“Sir, you’re not allowe–”

“I don’t care.”

As minutes passed, not one single person among the busy crowds in the lobby noticed the unconscious guards around the secluded hallway, with a tall man standing in the middle of the aftermath of his anger.

As soon as Diluc finishes dealing with the Fatui guards, he immediately grabs your bag before reaching out to the closed room to open it.

His heart drops at the sight of Shinsuke’s raised hand towards you.

Hold yourself, he orders to himself in his thoughts, not wanting to throw hands towards the man who was planning to hurt you.

He puts on his calm facade. “Was I interrupting something?”

It wasn’t hard to get Shinsuke out of the room and get you to safety, by the time he did, his heart breaks at the sight of you being all shaken up from whatever the older man did to you before he could arrive.

This is an example of what will happen if they’re with me, Diluc thought as he tries to comfort you. He knows that even though your situation right now has nothing to do with him, you’ll get more situations like this if you’re with him, making him realize that even if he’s not an engaged man, he knows he still can’t have you. Not when it’s a risk to even be with him.

He just wishes you to be safe and happy, but it hurts that it’s not something you’ll get from him.

That’s why when you tell him to go with Jean instead of letting him escort you back to your room, he knows not to insist and do what you want him to (but not before bidding you goodbye).

He feels selfish for wanting to do the opposite and go with you.

But he knows his place.

As he heads towards Jean, he takes one more glance at your direction. He internally wants to reach his hand out towards you, begging you to look back so he could excuse himself and go to you.

But you didn’t.

And so, hesitantly and defeatedly, he lets you go.

Hours later, he stares at the ceiling while lying down on his bed, with Jean busily doing her paperworks on her bed that’s next to his. He wonders what could’ve been if his life wasn’t so complicated and dangerous. He wonders what could’ve been if it were you who he gets to call his spouse instead of the one who he considers as his business partner and good friend. He wonders what could’ve been if he wasn’t such a coward.

He wonders if you think of him the way he thinks of you.

You realize that suppressing your feelings is not the way of moving on.

Love hurts. Thinking of the past hurts. You realize that Diluc is just someone who helped you with your confrontation towards the past you so wanted to forget because of the pain it brings, but he’s not the one who can completely help you heal.

By the end of the day, it’s you alone who can heal yourself.

It breaks your heart to know that Diluc, your dear friend who helped you in ways you’re so grateful for, isn’t the one you can have as your lover. But you know it’s best this way – after all, you still have to take time focusing on yourself first now that you took a big step from your burdens. All you can do is accept that he’s just going to be your friend in this lifetime and cherish that.

After all that has happened today as well as a good long hour of crying and letting everything out, you find yourself lying down on your bed as you scroll through your photo gallery, finally looking back at the memories that you shared with Ayato, with your friends, and with yourself. It’s been so long since you’ve looked at them that you almost forgot some of the moments that made you happy.

Happy.. When will you ever be as happy as you were back then?

It took a while until you finally decided to call it a night, turning off your phone and placing it on the nightstand next to your bed before trying to sleep.

You hope you’ll be able to at least face Diluc and spend time with him one last time. The last thing you want is to experience the same thing you did with Ayato and ruin what you have with Diluc before you leave to go back home. But perhaps that’s why the past is so important, isn’t it? It helps you prevent yourself from making the same mistake.

Home..

You let out a sigh to yourself, quietly wondering when you’ll be able to go back to your homeland that you oh so missed.

Maybe it won’t hurt to ask Ei for a transfer someday.

DAN’S NOTES

(the rest of the letter is blank, making it evident that Crepus hasn’t finished it completely for unknown reasons).

this information won’t be revealed in the series whatsoever but if crepus didn’t die from the accident, he wouldve decided to remove what he said to diluc and rewrite his statement in the letter to make it clear that it’s alright for diluc to completely reject the marriage offer since the only thing crepus will be happy about is if his son lives happily with someone and not be alone for the rest of his life.

hence why I was transferred to the Lion of the South Department

in the favonius police department, there are 4 departments situated all around mondstadt: the lion of the south (basically the main department), the falcon of the west, the wolf of the north, and the dragon of the east.

PREVIOUS || NEXT || VERSADIES’ VERSION (PROCEED TO THIS LINK FOR FLUFF LOVERS)

#diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr x reader #diluc x gn reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x gn reader #genshin angst #genshin angst no comfort #diluc angst #diluc x gender neutral reader #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin impact x gn reader #genshin impact fanfiction

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thisapplepielife · 2 months

Text

All Across the Universe: Chapter One

Rating: Eventual E | CW: Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence | Tags: Post-Stranger Things 4 Vol. 2, Canon Divergence, Eddie Munson Lives, Time Travel Fix-It, Blundering Through History, Platonic Stobin, Revolving Door of Characters, Mixed Media

limitless undying love, which shines around me like a million suns, it calls me on and on across the universe, Across the Universe, The Beatles

1987

Steve is comfortable on his back, laying against the trunk of his car, looking up at the night sky, when he sees a shooting star rush across the vastness of space. It was right there in front of him a second ago, and then gone in the blink of an eye.

Like it maybe never existed at all.

It was pretty, the few moments he got to spend looking at it, and he wishes Robin could have seen it.

Hell, he wishes Eddie could have seen it.

The last thing Eddie saw was that awful, bat-infested, red sky of the Upside Down, and that’s a fucking shame. Steve quickly thinks: I wish we'd had more time. I wish you'd gotten a different ending, a different life. I wish I could have fixed this.

But he can't fix this. They didn't have more time. And Eddie barely got to live at all. They came up with a plan on the fly, a little too unprepared, and Eddie didn’t come home at the end of the night. And as much as Steve hates it, regrets it. That can't be undone.

Steve can never unsee Eddie's body on the ground, can never unsee Dustin crouched over him, protectively. Dustin tried. Steve tried. Nancy tried. Robin tried. Nothing they did was gonna change it.

Eddie was just gone, and they couldn’t fix that.

They were too late.

And it can't be fixed that the gates started closing before they figured out a way to bring him back through. To bring his body home. It's a regret Steve lives with every damn day. You don't leave a man behind, and he did exactly that. Against his will, maybe, but it still happened on his watch and he feels like that's on him.

Robin was screaming, pulling on him. Trying desperately to drag him along with her, trying to get him to let go of Eddie's body. He didn't want to give up, and he was barely hearing Robin, or Nancy, as they were both yelling at him to come on, right now. Nancy kept turning her head, screaming at him, as she helped walk a limping Dustin towards the trailer. Steve thinks that Robin may not have been able to get him to stop trying to lift Eddie, if they hadn’t used Dustin as the reason he had to go, had to move. Now.

Something was happening, and it felt like the beginning of an earthquake. Small tremors, rolling under their feet. Steve stood, barely able to keep his balance. Taking one last look at Eddie, in apology. In sorrow.

In regret, for what would never be. For Eddie. For any of them.

Eddie had cut the sheet, and now Dustin needed help getting back up and through the gate, and the girls couldn’t do it alone. So, Steve went. Followed them, helped. Found a step stool and pushed each of them up through the gate, and back into the real world.

He'd turned, and looked towards the door, considering.

And Robin had been standing there, above him, crying. Begging him to just come through. Hand stretched out, holding the remnants of tied together sheets for him to grab. He stepped down one rung on the ladder, and she had shrieked at the same time the ground buckled, groaning, as it got ready to give way, and he grabbed a hold of the sheet, and pulled himself through.

They crawled out of the trailer in the real world, just as it started to split, getting devoured by the fiery earth below.

And that was that.

They had a war to fight, to win.

And they did.

Vecna is gone, but so is Eddie.

And now the shooting star is long gone, too.

Steve looks at the stars left behind, just like him.

But maybe Eddie did see it, somewhere. Steve's learned that nothing is impossible. Not now. Things happen that can't be explained. Walls open in bedrooms and monsters crawl out. There can be tunnels underground, well-worn paths just for monsters to travel deep beneath your feet.

And there can be a gate at the bottom of a lake that greedily sucks you under, and spits you back out into hell.

Weird shit happens in this world, that's just a fact.

So, there's no reason he couldn't believe that Eddie saw that shooting star, somewhere else, in space and time.

But Steve doesn't believe that, not really, but for a brief moment he can pretend he does. He really wants to believe that somewhere, in some other universe, Eddie was looking up at the same night sky. One that wasn’t red, wasn’t bleeding with the color of devastation, of evil. One that was full of bright, beautiful stars. Full of potential. Of a life yet unlived, undreamed, with endless possibilities laid out before him.

Eddie was only twenty years old. He hadn't really lived life, not yet. Hadn't got the chance to see the world, to see that there are things beyond the narrow-minded confines of Hawkins, Indiana.

Steve's twenty now, too. Almost twenty-one. His birthday came and went, with little fanfare. No longer a teenager. He's caught up to Eddie, and very soon, he'll surpass him.

He swallows, trying to shove the emotion of that realization down.

It's been a hard year, harder than any of the others.

Because Steve’s become fixated, canonizing this man he barely knew. Robin has tried, desperately, to get him to stop obsessing. To let the guilt subside. He doesn't know Eddie Munson. Not really. And now he never will.

And that's a whole bunch of horseshit.

He feels a strange pulling in his stomach, and before can even sit up, he pops out of existence.

they tumble blindly, as they make their way across the universe Across the Universe, The Beatles

Continue reading on AO3.

#fic: all across the universe #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie fic #time travel #time travel fix it #stranger things #time keeps on slipping slipping slipping #into the future #or the past #time isn't picky #robin buckley #gareth stranger things

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barclaysangel · 2 months

Text

The Birth of Jun (transfem Juniper Wheeler AU)

I literally wrote this within about 5 hours, which is crazy. I lost sleep just to finish this to make sure it’ll be posted by morning. I’m still nervous to post it since this is my first time writing for this AU and I just hope y’all like it. If you guys do, then MAYBE I’ll write a second part where Jun gets the name Juniper. Maybe.

Anyway, this is setting in the Final Family/Chucky season 2 rewrite AU where Jun survives and lives with Andy in the middle of the woods, torturing and killing Chuckys together. Because canon does not exist to me, obviously. I’ve written drabbles/oneshots about this AU before and this is just another one but with transfem Juniper.

If you guys really do like this, pls leave comments, it insanely fuels my motivation! I thrive off it and I’ll also appreciate some feedback since this is my first time writing a trans character.

Thank you and enjoy :)

Tags: @the-carlos-cow-eyes @erasedmystic111 @streets-in-paradise

Word count: 2.5K

Warnings: Internalized transphobia, mentions of suicidal ideation, cursing

There was something wrong with Junior.

That much she had always known, ever since she could remember. She wanted to be a princess, not a prince. A mermaid, not a merman. She wanted to be something that she could never be.

But Junior hid it for so long, and she hid it well. She buried that part of herself so deep down that no one would ever suspect it growing up. She became the perfect “masculine, traditional son” that her father wanted. She destroyed every single part of herself and burnt it all to the ground just to please him.

And even though she killed her own father, she still would have done it all over again.

Gods, she was pathetic. Pathetic and stupid and dirty and broken.

Despite Junior’s efforts to hide her dirty little secret from the world, she still had moments where it would bubble and come up again. The dysphoria with her short hair, flat chest, and other features that just didn’t feel right. It would be bad enough at times where she wanted to curl into a ball and cry all the fucking time.

But she would have no choice but to pull herself together and keep up the act, just like she always did.

However, this moment wasn’t like the other moments with her father. It wasn’t him she had to worry about, but Andy.

Andy wasn’t like her father at all. He was patient, understanding, and kind. Her father would be ashamed if Junior ever cried in front of him and tell him to “Stop being a pussy and pull yourself together, you’re a man!”, but Andy would hold her in his arms and comfort her. He had been there through every mental breakdown, depressive episodes, nightmares, moments of self-destructive tendencies, all of it.

Andy stayed right by her side and never budged despite how much Junior tried to push him away. She pushed and pushed and pushed but he never stayed away through it all.

Junior wasn’t used to that. When she pushed people away and burned bridges to the ground, it stayed that way. Just look at her relationship with Jake. But Andy refused to be pushed away and has made it very clear to her that he wasn’t planning to go anywhere.

Yet that still didn’t reassure her for some reason. It still filled her with so much fear if Andy ever looked too hard and realized just how broken and defective she really was.

So once again, Junior hid it. She hid her secret under lock and key and made sure to keep her masculine act on display.

But then the dysphoric moment hit hard, harder than before, and she wanted to die.

Junior didn’t want to leave her cot. Her appetite was long gone. She just tried to bury herself deep into her blankets and hoped that one of the Chuckys she and Andy had been torturing could escape and stab her to death, finally finishing his job that he failed to do months ago.

Andy had been no stranger to her being depressed. They had been staying at that small cabin for almost 5 months, it was now the beginning of April. Sometimes he would give Junior some space if she truly needed it but most of the time, he would be there to offer her food and water and just an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. He hardly left her alone when she got like this.

She didn’t blame him. Andy was probably worried that she would take one of his guns and end it all.

Not like that idea wasn’t tempting.

But right now, Junior wanted to be alone. She wanted to forget that the weather was getting warmer, which would make her have to ditch the hoodies and reveal the parts of herself that she hated. She just couldn’t bear to go through this, she would much rather hide away for hours or even days. Just as long as she would feel just slightly normal again.

However, she never really was that lucky.

“Junior?” She heard after the three light knocks, shuddering deeply and tearing up from the sound of her own name, like something about it was just wrong. “Can I come in?”

Curse Andy for respecting her privacy and boundaries. Logan would just barge in without a warning. Despite everything she was feeling, she still managed a small “Uh huh…” to placate him since she knew he would just be more worried if she refused.

Andy opened the door slowly and she could smell why. Even without moving from her position under the blankets, she could smell the food that Andy was bringing in. When he stood beside her cot, Junior lowered the blankets enough to see the plate of scrambled eggs and toast in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Normally that would make her mouth water but this time, it made her stomach churn.

“I know you may not feel like eating right now, but I can’t let you go the whole day without something in your system. Can you try to eat something please?” Andy spoke gently to her, placing the plate and the mug on the floor beside the cot.

Junior merely shook her head slightly. “I’ll eat later. ‘M not hungry.” She mumbled before putting the pillow from under her head now on top of her face.

Andy sighed quietly but instead of leaving, he sat down on the edge of the cot. “Kid, I can’t let you starve. I’m not asking you to finish off the plate, but just have a few bites with your coffee. Please?”

She didn’t say anything this time, her silence was enough of an answer.

“Junior, c’mon,” She shivered and squeezed her eyes shut when Andy said her name again, “I know you’re not in the mood but you’re gonna just make yourself feel worse. Remember what happened a few weeks ago?”

She wished she couldn’t. Going nearly the entire day without eating only to almost binge afterwards, resulting in her throwing her guts up. But Andy was with her the whole time, rubbing her back and keeping an arm around her so she would stay supported rather than to fall face first into her own vomit from exhaustion along with cleaning her up afterwards once she was finished hurling and crying.

No matter what, Andy stayed with her through everything.

Imagine if he found out you thought you were a girl, Junior thought bitterly to herself, He’d despise you and leave you then without a doubt.

She stiffened briefly when she felt a hand on her ankle from over the blankets before recognizing Andy’s touch, relaxing just slightly. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Junior quickly shook her head from under the pillow. She couldn’t, she absolutely couldn’t. For the first time, she didn’t want to ruin something good. She already felt like she was one wrong move from spilling it all.

She just needed to keep her mouth shut and hold it all in. She could do it, she’s been doing it her entire life. She can keep going.

Andy gave her a gentle and reassuring squeeze to her ankle. “Okay. I just want you to know that I’m here if you do want to talk. I don’t need to talk, I can just listen to as much as you need me to. Alright, Junior?”

Junior winced and wasn’t able to swallow down the whimper this time, which immediately got Andy’s attention.

“Hey, kiddo, what’s wrong?” She couldn’t see his face but she knew that he would be wearing that concerned frown, the one where he genuinely acted worried for her.

Junior shook her head again, keeping her eyes closed because she knew she would break down and cry. Andy needed to leave now before she would completely lose her mind.

The hand on her ankle moved to her back, rubbing small circles there to comfort her. “Junior?”

“Stop…”

Andy paused from his motions. “What?”

“Stop…calling me that!” Junior didn’t know why but it was like something shattered inside of her, like the dam in her finally broke.

She ripped the pillow off of her head and bolted upright, the suddenness making Andy back up slightly. “I have tried so fucking hard to be Junior! To be the perfect son Junior. The cross-country star Junior. The strong and masculine Junior. I have ripped myself to shreds and molded myself to be what everyone else wanted me to be! But for what? It’s not fucking worth it because I’m not! I’m not Junior! I’m not a boy! I’ve tried so fucking hard but I’m not, I just keep trying and trying but nothing fucking works anymore! I’m so sorry but that isn’t me, this fucking isn’t me! I’m too broken and fucked up to be Junior and to be a fucking boy!”

Junior didn’t realize she was screaming until she finally stopped, her voice hoarse. And no one said a word. Andy stared at her with wide eyes and an unreadable expression as reality slowly settled in.

Oh fuck…what did I just do?

She started shaking, her breathing picked up and she hid her face in her hands, sobbing. “I-I’m sorry, I d-didn’t mean it, I was l-lying, I-I-I…” for some reason, now she couldn’t even get the words out after everything from how hard she was hyperventilating.

Congratulations, you fucking idiot. You really did it now. You ruined it. Now Andy will think you’re disgusting. He’ll hate you. He’ll throw you out and finally leave you alone, just like you deserve, you pathetic piece of sh–

Andy’s hands went around Junior’s body, pulling her closer to him carefully until her cheek was pressed to the crook of his neck, one hand now rubbing her back up and down soothingly. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, breathe. Take some deep breaths, kiddo. Just follow my breathing, okay? Breathe…”

She was shaking through her sobs, her hands clinging onto Andy’s shirt tightly in her fists. His other hand went up to cradle the back of her head so softly as if she was something gentle and precious to him. Junior could hardly breathe but Andy kept guiding her, speaking to her kindly until she was able to finally pull in deep breaths with his help.

They barely spoke, with Junior crying and Andy whispering reassurances to her. When she started to calm down, she didn’t move, she felt too mortified. It felt like one wrong move, and Andy would finally turn her away.

“Kiddo?” He finally spoke, “Do you remember what I’ve always told you? About what I want for you?”

Junior sniffled, still crying but not nearly as badly while holding onto Andy’s shirt still for dear life. “For…for me t-to be a kid…”

“Yeah, that too. But what else?”

She thought about it longer this time, hesitating. “…that you-you want me to be h-happy…”

Andy moved away just slightly, making her whimper again but instead he adjusted himself to fully face Junior and hold her face in his hands. “Exactly. I care about you, kid. I’ve had since the moment you basically passed out on my doorstep. All I want is for you to be happy. And if being a boy doesn’t make you happy…then stop trying. Stop putting yourself through that pain, okay? Just…just be yourself.”

He was looking at her so seriously yet so gently, as if all that mattered in that moment was her. Unshed tears began building up again in her eyes and Andy continued speaking. “I mean it. I will never judge you for who you are. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere just because you aren’t a boy. I swear on the River Styx.”

That oath meant more to Junior than any other sort of promise. It was an oath from Percy Jackson, and really any kind of Greek mythology. They both knew how serious that oath was. And for that reason, it was what gave her the push that she needed to finally come out.

“Andy…I…I’m a girl…” her voice was tiny but it was still enough for Andy to hear, starting to cry again but he pulled her back into a hug.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you…” He reassured her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “I’m so fucking proud of you, kiddo. I promise I am. I know this wasn’t easy for you, I can’t even begin to imagine how long you’ve felt like this but never said anything. So thank you for telling me. I’m proud of you.”

Junior cried a little harder at that, still not entirely used to having someone tell her that they were proud of her. But this time, the tears were more of relief and she just completely leaned against him.

Never in her life did she ever think she’d actually come out and tell someone this secret. She just thought she had to fight the feeling down further and further until it disappeared or it just ended up killing her.

But no. She lost it and everything spilled out. But…it didn’t end up badly like she thought it would.

Andy accepted her. He accepted her without another thought. Strong and tough and badass Andy accepted her and told her that he was proud of her for coming out.

This felt almost like a dream, something too good to be true for Junior.

“So…I suppose you don’t want to be called by that name anymore, right?” Andy asked and she nodded in response, gripping onto his shirt again. “Okay. Is there…another name I can call you? It doesn’t need to be your permanent name, it could be like a…placeholder. Just something temporary until you can figure out a name that makes you feel like you.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, thinking long and hard before settling on something simple. “Maybe just…Jun. For now. Jun. Without an E at the end.”

Andy nodded and lightly leaned his cheek to her head. “Jun without an E at the end, got it.”

Jun could practically hear the smile on Andy’s face and lazily hit his side with the back of her hand. “You’re a dork…”

“Yeah, yeah I am. But so are you, so…” Andy poked Jun’s side, making her giggle before she yawned, her dysphoric episode and breakdown now tuckering her out.

“You tired, kiddo?” He asked and she yawned again while nodding, not moving from her position.

“Can I just…stay here? For a bit? Please?” Jun asked quietly and almost immediately, his hand went up to her hair and stroked her hair softly, causing her to close her eyes.

“Sure you can. And I’ll stay right here with you too. But as soon as you wake up and get hydrated, you need to eat, okay?” Andy told her, accepting his fate to have Jun fall asleep on his shoulder.

She nodded, yawning once more as a sense of pure peace and bliss filled her. She knew she was safe now. Nothing would happen to her.

“Thank you Andy…” Jun murmured under her breath.

Just before she could drift off, she felt Andy kiss her forehead, one hand playing with her hair and the other being secured around her body. “Anytime. Goodnight, Jun.”

#Luna talks #admin #chucky #chucky 2021 #child’s play #junior wheeler #andy barclay #jun wheeler #juniper wheeler #transfem junior wheeler #transfem jun wheeler #transfem juniper wheeler #final family #Chucky season 2 rewrite fic #Chucky oneshot #Chucky AU #transfem

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hobbitwrangler · 4 months

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End of Year Fic Recs

Thank you @emyn-arnens for tagging me, it actually made me remember to leave comments on some fics I've read while on holiday. I haven't read or written many fics this year, particularly not long ones, hence why I've gone with my own sections but here we go!

Fics from 2023

Something of Home by @emyn-arnens (G, Faramir & Finduilas of Dol Amroth, <1k) Heartbreaking, precious portrayal of Faramir's relationship with his mother at the time of her death. It is canon to me now.

Something Burrowed, Something Blue by @scyllas-revenge (G, Took/Fairy Wife, 11k) How the Took ancestor met his wife. Funny, sweet and so hobbit-like, I loved Milo and Beryl, the author writes fairy nature perfectly.

cold be sleep under stone by Feanoriel (Ar-Pharazôn, <1k) Ar-Pharazôn in the Caves of the Forgotten. So many chills reading this, the writing style is so vivid, I could feel the undead misery in the darkness.

On These Hither Shores by @emyn-arnens (G, Boromir & Frodo, 3.2k) Frodo and Boromir discuss their hopes and fears. I keep thinking about this fic, it's one of those stories which follows you around and won't let go, it's a great depiction of Frodo and Boromir and their relationship.

The Last Midwinter by @sallysavestheday (G, Frodo Baggins, Sam Gamgee, other fellowship members, 1.3k) Sam and Rosie devise a plan to lift Frodo's spirits. This filled me with so much joy (of the slightly sad kind) it's so sweet.

Untitled by @i-am-a-lonely-visitor (Elros/Elros's wife) I love the complex relationship that is encapsulated in this snapshot and the unsettling youthfulness of the peredhil.

The Farewell Feast by @searchingforserendipity25 (G, Gandalf & Galadriel, 2.4k) Wonderful exploration of Galadriel's thoughts at the end of the Third Age and her relationship with Gandalf.

what the shadows hid by @swanmaids (T, Luthien/Thuringwethil, <1k) Thuringwethil leaves her mark on Luthien. One of those fics where every line is so expertly crafted, flavoured with my favourite horror undertones.

Untitled by @vidumavi (Vidumavi/Valacar) Not enough fics about these two but this is such a heart-warming snapshot of their relationship.

The Broken Shield by @sotwk (G, Thorin, Frerin, Thranduil, Thranduil's wife, 9.5k) In which both Thorin and Thranduil lose one whom they love. Great depiction of elf-dwarf tensions in the midst of their alliance.

Fics from pre-2023

Nine Fingers by Prackspoor (G, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, 6.3k) The hobbits encounter a mysterious stranger on their way home. Such well done suspense, I was so nervous reading this and it's such an interesting concept.

Burn Like Cold Iron by @scyllas-revenge (T, Boromir/OFC, 155k) An absolutely elite take on the ninth walker trope. Funny, heartfelt and perfect characterisation, plus a great main character. All relationships, romantic and otherwise, are so thoughtfully written.

Warming Hearts and Hearths by @starspray (G, Gandalf & hobbits, 1.3k) Gandalf encountering hobbits, what more do you want? My heart was certainly warmed.

Queen Under the Mountain by @imakemywings (T, Dís, Dáin, 2.9k) Such a heart-wrenching exploration if Dís's grief and all the complicated emotions surrounding the return to Erebor.

consuming by siraetha (T, Khamûl, Sauron, <1k) A great concept explored so vividly, I could feel the heat and the horror while reading this.

Use Well the Days by @cycas (G, Círdan/Lalwen, 2.7k) Círdan and Lalwen discuss whether they have a future. I am rapidly warming to this ship and really enjoyed how this fic explores tension between the elves.

The Floor Is Molasses by @scyllas-revenge (G, Boromir, Sam Gamgee, Merry Brandybuck, Pippin Took, 2.6k) Hobbit chaos plus Boromir lives and of course absolutely hilarious.

My fics from 2023

Too Burdened to Fly (G, Finduilas of Dol Amroth, 3k) A look at Finduilas' thoughts during her final moments.

A Monster in the Shadows (T, Éowyn & Théoden, 3k) In the aftermath of her parents' death, Éowyn is plagued by fear. Nineteen years later, it returns.

At the Death of a Friend (G, Saruman & Galadriel, 3.4k) Saruman has not heard Galadriel's voice in years. But in the aftermath of Gandalf's death, they speak one last time.

And there we go, just about in time for New Year!

#fanfic recs

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nightsadness · 2 months

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Ring...

Tags: fem!reader, angst

Pairing: Fyodor Dostoevsky x fem!reader

Warning: The death of a canon character, the reader longs greatly. There may be errors in the text, as I am not a native English speaker, I often had to use the help of a translator

Synopsis: Fyodor didn't keep his promise.

A/n: This short story was written out of boredom, but I liked it so much that I decided to post it here. As I wrote above, I don't speak English, so I used a lot of translators, trying to write normally 😞. Please let me know if it's really bad.

- I promise I'll be back. - Fyodor held the girl's body tightly in his arms, resting his chin on her shoulder and slightly covering his eyes.

- I believe you - almost whispered the girl, hugging Dostoevsky tightly, and did not want to let go. She really believed that he would come back having fulfilled his purpose, though inside her everything was turning upside down because of bad thoughts and worries, but it was Fyodor Dostoevsky, right? He has everything perfectly planned, there were no mistakes and there can't be. But no matter how hard she tried to chase away those bad thoughts, something inside told her that this was their last dialog....

- You promised, you bastard! You promised me! - The girl screamed hysterically, breaking everything in the house, from dishes to furniture. She was a whirlwind of emotions, she was angry with him and at the same time her grief had no end, because it was unbearable to lose a loved one.

In the end, she just collapsed on the bed, choking on her tears, which the already wet pillow took in. It was the first time Y/N had ever felt such intense heartache that was nowhere near physical pain, which one in her entire life, she had known it in all its colors. How now to live and move on...without him? Of course, the girl realized that it was possible, that it was not the end, that she could survive it, but it would take too much time to heal such a huge wound. But would she be able to? Though Y/N was strong physically, mentally and morale, but Fyodor was her greatest weakness.

Three hours have passed after dark thoughts and bitter memories. The girl was no longer crying, but just staring at the ceiling, and the memory of the black-haired man still tormented her, she knew she had to get her act together and move on, but there was neither strength nor desire. The girl scolded herself for showing weakness, for not even being able to move, morale condition did not allow such luxury.

Days, weeks, months, and so it passed 3 years, Y/N more less recovered, but still day and night missed Fyodor, dreaming to see him again, to hug again, but it is simply impossible! The world collapsed for her, lost all their colors, she just existed, every day come in low-paying job, on her way home and then going to bed and so day after day.

On one of those days, the girl came home as usual and went straight to the shower. Lying in the bathtub, she looked at her hands with a blank stare.

- Our time is encased in a ring, - Y/N smiled slightly at the corners of her lips, a lone tear rolling down her cheek as her gaze stopped on the ring Fyodor had given her almost immediately after they met.

Still lying in the tub, she leaned her head back, trying to occupy her bad head with various thoughts, but there was still only the image of Fyodor in front of her.

#bsd #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky #bungou stray dogs fyodor #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #fyodor x reader #fyodor dostoevsky x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #fyodor x y/n #fyodor dostoevsky x you #fyodor bsd #fyodor headcanons #fyodor bsd x reader

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sunnyrosewritesstuff · 7 months

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Should I be posting a new WIP? Probably not. 😅 But this one should have been out for awhile considering it was a BPB winner 2 years ago...And I think @yacrimago was in danger of spontaneously combusting if I went too much longer without an update. 🤣

New Chapter: Chapter 1- The Protector of the Shire

Rating: M

Warnings: Graphic Violence, Character Death

Status: In-progress (1/?)

Summary: A mistake made during the Fell Winter has turned Bilbo into a werewolf. Having always wondered if there was a way to reverse his curse, Gandalf believes he has found the answer. And it will require Bilbo to travel with a company of thirteen dwarves determined to take back their homeland from a dragon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bilbo gave a small whine as he paced back and forth. He wasn’t sure what to do. He certainly couldn’t swim in there after the dwarf, he would get stuck too. He needed a stick, he needed a really good stick. Before Bilbo could rush off though, the dwarf had already taken action. His boot, which had somehow slipped off in the dwarf’s struggle, was in his hand, and he was wrapping a rope around it as quickly as possible. He looped the boot through the bow and threw it towards the tree.

It was a good plan. Use the bow to hook onto a branch from the weight of the boot. The only problem was the dwarf chose the wrong branch as it snapped under the weight as soon as he began to pull. The odd sounding curses returned as he attempted to reign in his boot for another attempt. The water level was sitting just under his chest now. This next attempt would be his last. Unless…

Bilbo didn’t even need to think about it. Before the boot could get too much closer to the edge of the water, Bilbo pounced on the thick leather, shaking his head as he began to pull it back.

“NO! Leave it, you allâkhul kunbunul (stupid mutt)!”

Bilbo gave the dwarf as much of a glare as he could in his current state, while hanging on as tightly as he could and inching backwards. There was a pressure when the line finally went taut, but Bilbo merely dug his stout hindlegs in and continued to pull. The moment the dwarf felt the give in the mud, his tone quickly changed to encouraging.

“That’s it! Don’t let go…good Basnahkhad.”

For more of this chapter, please click the AO3 link above!

#sunny's wips #the hobbit #bagginshield #a mother's curse #reverse werewolf au

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silver-wield · 10 months

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Ffxvi ending spoilers

I'll tag this too, but this is your warning, I'm about to rant about the ending.

Because I didn't like it.

Lemme preface by saying I loved the game! Love Clive, Jill and everyone else in the cast, except Annabel, she's a bitch and deserves to die. Main story is great, sidequests great, combat is fun and it's great. Except the ending.

It's one thing to pepper hints throughout the story when you have a hero who maybe hasn't done as much to earn the definitive ending you, as a player, expect, and wind up with some ambiguity as to their fate.

It's totally okay to have secondary characters' fates left up in the air and wondering what became of them because they are not your primary hero.

It is not fucking okay to throw out not one, not two, but four ambiguous ending hooks when a hero such as Clive has literally done everything humanly possible to earn the kind of ending you see in ffix, with our hero returning home to his loved ones.

Onto the actual ending. Last chance to dip.

No pics except at the end, but I will be describing what happened.

Last chance fr

Can't say I didn't warn yall.

After Clive defeats Ultima and destroys the crystal, we pull back to see it crumble. Now, if you were going for an ambiguous ending, at this point you would leave Clive there and not return. It's a stupidly high drop and it would leave his fate literally up in the air.

Nope. We see he survives the thousands of feet fall into the ocean and makes it to shore.

We rejoice, believing he'll be okay and keep his promise to Jill to return and actually save himself along with everyone else like she's been begging him this whole time.

Haha, you thought.

Clive attempts to use magic, only for his hand to petrify. He smiles, knowing he's succeeded for definite. And then come some last words as he stares at the star he recalls Jill making a wish on, and his hand falls to the sand in the typical symbolism for death, which we've seen multiple times not only in this game but across FF.

Cut to Jill, staring at the star, which winks out of existence. She bursts into tears and runs to the deck, fearful it means Clive's dead. Torgal howls, mourning his master, and that should be clue enough that Clive is dead because Torgal never gave up looking for Clive all the years they were apart.

Then, comes the pathetic trope of the "light of hope" as the sun rises, and we see Jill's tears stop as she looks at the horizon.

I saw someone say they spent a stupid amount of time looking for a boat and claiming Clive is rowing back to her, but you have to look reaaaaaaally hard to see it. That's because there is no boat. There is no boat.

Jill is recalling her own words and hoping Clive will return to her just like the sun rises, and that's what we're supposed to cling to. Her words, along with all the other "hints" left along the way about Clive saving himself, how he should hang up his sword and pick up a quill (and I'll get to that in a second) and all the plans he makes for a life once things are over are meant to make us hopeful he's alive, despite the previous scene of deathly symbolism.

Then come the credits. No, we didn't see anybody else at the Hideaway besides a short moment with Gav, Mid and Edda, so literally everyone's fate across the realm is left open ended, which is so fucking unsatisfying. As unsatisfying as the ending to ffxv when we see empty landscapes because most of the fucking population across the planet is dead bar a few pathetic survivors huddled in Lestalum, who we don't even see enjoying the "new light of hope" because apparently a view of a barren landscape is meant to be good enough (and then came the dlc with one alt ending and a novel with a "definitive" ending that erases the original canon one because they fucked up so much they couldn't even work out how to end the damn game. Showing a mostly dead world with a "hopeful sunrise" ain't it. Nobody's alive to enjoy the fucking hope!)

Anyway, this is not a ffxv rant, so moving on. After the credits is a short scene of a beautiful cottage surrounded by greenery and flowers with two boys and a smol dog. The elder boy has Clive's dark hair and the younger has Joshua's hair colour. They're doing chores without magic and lamenting that magic and eikons are fairytales and Clive's favourite play makes a reference as well.

We end on a book written by Joshua Rosfield that depicts the war of eikons that the boys are pretending to play out in the garden.

And that's our fourth "did he live?" moment, using Harpocrates words about picking up a quill, and taking on his dead brother's name so it might always be remembered the way he took Cid's name on, Clive writes about his people's deeds. But did he? Or was it one of the Undying who penned it and listed Joshua, their lord, as the author?

But you know what? I don't give a fuck about some distant future where Clive's efforts pay off and the world is free and safe. It was a fucking given that would work out.

What I cared about and wanted to see was the characters I cared about being free and safe.

Throwing some NPC children with Clive and Joshua's hair colours at us as some consolation prize while Clive finished either dead or unconscious alone on a beach and Jill is sobbing is not the ending any of us laboured for. We have no attachment to these children, and the weird fucking hint about reincarnation or whatever that was, is fucking stupid and undermines everything about them living and dying on their own terms. The idea that Clive and Joshua, having been imbued with the power of the phoenix will rise again in some distant and free land, undermines everything they did in destroying magic and eikons and crystals. It's not a good enough ending when it comes off the back of the absolute fuck all that came before the credits and reincarnations were never introduced as a concept in the entire game.

Maybe if they showed Clive alive and reunited with his loved ones it would be a further heartwarming moment to see his and Joshua's souls together in another life. Their bond is such a huge part of what makes the story so damn good, but as it is, it feels cheap and flatter than a pancake to end like this.

It's clear the devs teams eyes are on future dlc to pick up where this "ending" left off and hopefully provide the fulfillment we expected, but to have the canon ending at this point of their next gen mainline FF game be so disappointing and low note just isn't good enough.

And people can say there's hints all over and we just need to look, but after everything Clive went through, we deserved a little more certainty of his survival.

All we needed was a boat on the horizon.

#ffxvi spoilers #ff16 spoilers #final fantasy xvi spoilers #final fantasy 16 spoilers

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talltalesandbedtimestories · 28 days

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Wash. RINSE. Repeat. - Dean x Reader/OFC

"Rinse" is Part 3 of the Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Series

Rating Mature

Dean x Reader/OFC

Tags: Canon-compliant (or trying to be), Season 3, Lots of Angst, Demon Assault/Attempted Sexual Assault (trigger), Show Level Gore/Violence, Language, Pining, Dean is infuriating at times, Sam is the sweetest, Main character death (offscreen; but, it's Supernatural, so you know, it's probably not sticking)

Word Count: 15,000

Summary: The boys stink. Something needs to be done about it.

The above summary was something I came up with when I thought this was going to be a fun little one shot. (hah! stupid writer and her stupid assumptions. how dare she think she can make plans and have Sam and Dean adhere to them.) It still applies to the beginning (and this sniff, sniff theme may come up again) but I'm going to add that this story is a first person reader insert that weaves in and out of show canon.

"Rinse" won't make a lick of sense if you haven't read the other parts. If you want to read the previous installments, you can find them on AO3 -- WASH -- PRE-RINSE

I'm participating in @jacklesversebingo and this part will fill my "Friends Becoming Strangers" square.

A huge thanks to @jacklesversebingo for allowing me to use one of my bingo squares in a part of a story I was currently working on. These bingo prompts have genuinely tested my creativity and provided some meaty plot twists. Thank you, thank you!

Rinse

~ Six Months Later ~

I bolt upright in bed, mid-gasp.

My heart pounds. Flashes of what caused my pulse to race appear in the curtain call of each blink.

Bobby. In the dark with a flashlight. In his house? Sneaking around, like he’s investigating an unfamiliar place. Then, he was attacked by something. Thrown to the floor in his kitchen. A blur of arms clawing. A screeching sound that wasn’t human.

What the hell? I shake the shiver out of my spine and glance over at the alarm clock. Fifteen minutes before it goes off. There’s no way I’ll get back to sleep. I resign myself to get out of bed and start the day.

It’s gonna be a busy one at Hoyt and Hagan. There are two client appointments on the calendar. I’ve got some note taking during and transcribing to do after each of them.

I debate with myself in the shower as to when I should check on Bobby. It’s still too early and he’ll only scoff in my ear at the unnecessary concern.

I decide I’ll call him during my lunch break, all nonchalant like. Hey Bobby, it’s your favorite psychic nut job, poking out of hunter hibernation for some updates.

Just to be sure he’s okay.

I grab a slice and a soda at Tony’s Pizza Parlor for lunch. The four block walk gives me a chance to stretch my legs and see if they’ll be short staffed over the next week. I need to bulk up my car maintenance fund. According to Nate at Carl’s Auto Shop, I will probably need to replace the brake pads in a few months. Before the squeaks turn into screeches at every stop.

Gary’s working the counter. I try not to fuss with my hair too much in his presence. His dimples drill into his cheeks with a bright smile. My stomach spins like it’s in a washing machine. I ask him how his Aunt Cheryl is doing. The swoony, sensitive six footer moved back to Matamoras when his only living relative, Cheryl Somers, fell ill and couldn’t take care of herself anymore.

It’s been five months since Gary arrived and became ubiquitous around this tiny town where you only have to breathe heavily to become the subject of juicy gossip. He works a variety of service jobs. I’m blessed that one of them is at Tony’s. My random shifts have intersected with his on occasion. I am also cursed because I still haven’t gotten the nerve to get past simple pleasantries. Mainly I worry I’ll slip about my personal details or he’ll ask me a question about my family. And, I’ll have to lie. Because he’d never believe the truth. The people that would understand are just as damaged as I am.

Playing at normal is tough.

I scoot into a booth that has a nice vantage of the counter so I can spy on Gary. I pry the greasy pepperoni one by one from the stringy mozzarella. The deconstruction exercise prolongs my excuse to hang around with my solitary slice. I mindfully chew. Taste buds light up with oregano, tomato sauce, processed toppings, and velvety cheese.

The one brain cell not focused on Gary reminds me about Bobby. I dab at my face with a one-ply scratchy napkin, then tap in the start of a phone number I know by heart on my cell. Bobby’s name appears from my contacts after the fifth digit.

I’m still miffed about Garth accidently dropping my old phone in the depths of the Delaware when he visited six months back. He felt so bad he drove me to the nearest cell phone store and bought me a new one right on the spot. He got me a newer and nicer model. It didn’t make up for all the contacts and messages I lost, though. It took me weeks to connect with almost everyone I could remember.

I wait for Bobby to pick up. It rings. And rings. And rings. The voicemail answers. “You’ve reached Bobby. You know what to do.”

I know what to do, but I hang up instead. I’m that person that hits redial and gives it another try. Bobby is prone to leaving his cell phone atop a stack of books or on the kitchen counter as he hops from room to room. So, there’s a chance he might…

“You’ve reached Bobby. You know what to do.”

I sigh and collect my words. “Hey, Bobby. It’s been a bit. Wanted to see how you’re doing. Nothing much new on this end. Give me a call, though, soon. Yeah? Been told my car’s gonna need new brake pads. Wanna make sure I’m not getting hosed on the cost to replace them. Okay? Thanks. Bye.”

“Who’s Bobby?” The voice drifts over my shoulder from behind me.

Oh God. Gary’s asking that question. I’m gonna have to turn and actually make eye contact and answer. I swallow and rotate in the booth a bit. He’s wiping down the table, tray filled with trash in his grasp. Wavy jet black bangs obscure his eyes for a brief second. It’s not enough time before his onyx irises gaze with interest in my direction.

“Huh?” I pretend I didn’t hear him.

“Who’s Bobby? He’s not the only guy that knows a thing or two about cars.” His smile is bright. “I could probably help you out. Take a look.”

“Oh.” I want to bang my head into the table to shake out any words that are longer than one syllable. “That’s… that’s…”

“He family? Bobby?” Gary stands beside my booth now.

“Yeah.”

Gary nods. “Well, offer’s available if you need it.” Someone, maybe Maribel, shouts his name across the restaurant. “Good luck.” He darts away.

“Thanks.” I groan at my suave communication skills.

~~~~

(Italicized Dialogue from S3, Episode 10, “Dream a Little Dream of Me” - Teleplay by Cathryn Humphris; Story by Sera Gamble & Cathryn Humphris)

Dean sat at Bobby’s hospital bedside.

It’d only been a couple days since he got the call. A doctor had been looking for a Mr. Snyderson.

Bobby enjoyed informing Dean years ago of the name he would have to answer to if he received a call from someone in search of Bobby Singer’s emergency contact.

“How the hell’d you get yourself into this mess, Bobby?” he asked aloud.

Dean wondered if Bobby had picked the name Edgar Snyderson so that would be all John’s eldest son would focus on. Not the fact that if he ever heard it uttered by anyone else, it would be because Bobby wouldn’t be able to call him a numbnut or an idjit.

Sam was due back any minute. Dean’d tasked Sam with the research part of this mystery, which included combing through the collage of pictures and news clippings hidden on the back closet wall in Bobby’s hotel room.

The room where his comatose body had been found.

Dean had gone to the university to dig up any information on a Dr. Walter Gregg, whose obit had graced Bobby’s case board. Finding out about unapproved dream studies led to the name of a test subject, Jeremy Frost. The college kid made it clear the doctor had been playing fast and loose with his research and the people involved. That equalled a whole lot of potential enemies and nefarious insinuators. Bobby was probably close to figuring out who the murderer was.

The machines whirred and beeped around the man he’d bet his life on, if he had much left of it to wager.

Dean was shy of six months before his demon bill came due.

“I don’t need you rolling out the red carpet for me in the hereafter. Pretty sure you ain’t gonna be taking a sauna or walking over raked coals. But we don’t need you practicing your harp skills anytime soon, either.” He bit his tongue at the name that almost slipped out. He tried not to mention her if he could help it. The more time went on, the more he hoped it would stick; his nonexistence for her. “It’d kill her if something happened to you.” He nodded to no one. “We’ll figure this out.”

As if on cue, his studious brother entered the room. “How is he?”

“No change.” Dean wiped a hand over his face and stood to meet Sam by the tray table at the edge of the bed. “What you got?”

“Well, considering what you told me about the Doc’s experiments, Bobby’s wall is starting to make a hell of a lot more sense.”

“How so?”

“This plant, Silene Capensis, also known as African Dream Root, it’s been used by shamans and medicine men for centuries.”

“Let me guess – they dose up, bust out the didgeridoos, and start kicking around the hacky.”

Sam scoffed. “Not quite. If you believe the legends, it’s used for dream walking. I mean entering another person’s dreams, poking around in their heads.”

“I take it we believe the legends.”

“When don’t we? But dream-walking is just the tip of the iceberg.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, this dream root is some serious mojo. You take enough of it, with enough practice, you can become a regular Freddy Krueger. You can control anything. You could turn bad dreams good. You could turn good dreams bad.”

“And killing people in their sleep.” Dean added the obvious.

“For example. So, let’s say this doc was testing the stuff on his patients Tim Leary-Style.”

“Somebody gets pissed at him, decides to give him a little dream visit, he goes nighty-night.”

“But what about Bobby? I mean if the killer came after him, how come he’s still alive?”

They both stared at Bobby.

“I don’t know.” Dean tapped Sam in the middle of his chest. “Come on. Man needs as much beauty rest as he can get before we wake him. And a kiss on the lips better not end up being the cure.” He strolled to the doorway and turned back in time to see Sam making his way to Bobby’s side.

“Wouldn’t be the worst thing we’ve ever had to do to save someone.” Sam chided in a soft whisper over his shoulder towards Dean. “Stay strong until we can figure this out, Bobby.” His gigantor hand gripped Bobby’s pale one.

Dean marched out into the hallway in wait. Something heavy lodged in the base of Dean’s throat. He swallowed but the fear wouldn’t loosen. The possibility of losing Bobby. The memories of his father in the hospital right before he died kept rising to the surface. He didn’t want to think about it anymore.

Sam finally joined him. They walked down the hall towards the nurse’s station and the elevators. Their steps got into that synced soldier rhythm they easily fell into often. Dean wished it would continue in silence. But out of the corner of his eye he spotted Sam’s mouth open and close. Trying out the lines in his head before he’d have to share what he was thinking.

With that much thought, Dean knew it wasn’t going to be anything good.

When it was only the two of them in the elevator going down, Sam spoke. “Am I gonna have to be the one that mentions the elephant in the room?”

Dean’s gaze lifted to the ceiling. He sighed.

“We gotta call her, Dean.”

“No. We don’t. We’re gonna handle it so she doesn’t have to ever know what kind of danger Bobby was in.”

“She deserves to know,” Sam mumbled. “Bobby’s important to her. Plus, all of this dream stuff…”

“Sam,” Dean started.

Sam got his hands and arms in the conversation now, waving them about. “She should be here!”

“No!” Dean huffed, raising his voice back at Sam. He glanced at the number display. “I still need to work this case with you. I shouldn’t even be in the same state as her, let alone the same room. We can’t risk that, Sam. Not again.”

“You of all people know what she’s capable of. She could get into Bobby’s head.”

“Yeah. You know it. I know it. Bobby knows it. But, as far as we know, Elena doesn’t. As long as she doesn’t remember me, she won’t be doing any ‘Wonder Twins, Activate’ shit. And we’re gonna keep it that way.”

“Dean!”

“No. Bobby’s been onboard with the plan, all of it, for the past six months. Last I checked, you were, too.”

“Not like you gave any of us a choice.” Sam snarked.

Dean ignored the jab. “Bobby’d want us to exhaust every other option before we pull her into something like this. Again.” He pointed at the floor as the door’s slid open. “We find another way.” He waved a hand for Sam to exit first. “Let’s go, Sherlock.” They covered the distance quickly to another set of double doors. “So, how do we find our homicidal little sandman?”

“It could be anyone.” Sam stated, looking thoroughly exasperated.

“Yeah?”

Yeah.

Dean rattled off possible suspects. “Anyone who knew the doctor, had access to his dream shrooms.”

“Maybe one of his test subjects or something?”

“Possible, but his research is pretty sketchy. I mean, we don’t know how many subjects he had or who all of them were.”

Sam scoffed.

“What?” Dean asked.

Sam sighed, long and deep. “In any other case, we’d be calling Bobby and asking him for help right now.”

Dean halted, pulled at Sam’s forearm to stop his brother’s stride. “Know what? You’re right.”

“What?”

“Let’s go talk to him.”

“Sure. I think we might find the conversation a bit one-sided.”

“Not if we’re tripping on some Dream Root.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

~~~~

There’s been no response from Bobby by the end of my work day.

Something was up. A car question always ensured Bobby would return a call within hours.

I call the other hunter who knows almost everyone’s business as much as Bobby does.

“Elle Woods.” Garth coos his nickname for me. I still don’t get how he made the connection between me and the fictional main character in Legally Blonde. “How’re you doin? To what do I owe this honor?”

“Hey, Garth. I’m trying to get a hold of Bobby. He’s not answering my calls.”

“Oh?” The one syllable expresses confusion.

“Yeah.”

“When’d you last talk to him?”

“It’s been about a month.” My face warms at the confession.

“Oh.” The one syllable is laced with judgment.

I let the guilt was over me as I wait.

“Hm. Well, I had to call him about a case I worked in Baton Rouge, Louisiana last week. There was this circus in town and a murder pinned on one of the performers. Killer clowns couldn’t turn their victims into a pile of green goo last I checked.” Garth chuckles.

I veer the conversation back. “Was he okay? Everything good at the salvage yard?”

“Oh, well, he wasn’t home. Was working his own case.”

My skin tingles at the news. It’s not surprising to hear. Bobby hunts on occasion. It’s more the reminder of the dream I had of him that morning that puts me on edge. “Where was he?”

Garth sighs. “If memory serves right, he was investigating something that happened at a university in, I think, Pittsburgh.”

“Okay, thanks Garth.”

“Sure thing, sweets. Want me to try and check in on him, too?”

I smile. “Appreciate it.”

“I’ll tell him to call you ASAP if I make contact.”

“Thanks.”

“No problemo.”

“Talk soon.”

I hang up. Pittsburgh. It’s clear across in western Pennsylvania. A good six-hour drive from me. Couldn’t be any farther from Matamoras and in the same state. It makes sense he wouldn’t bother to call me. Not like he could do a quick pop in.

Still.

I click my teeth. Moments later, I’m clicking away at the keyboard, searching anything weird over the wire that matches what Garth told me. Only one news headline has me screaming Yahtzee in my head. There’s mention of a university neurologist dying in his sleep. Cause: Unknown.

It’s not much. But, it would catch Bobby’s eye. And he’d do some digging. So, I do the same. The neurologist was the research head of a large, ongoing sleep study. And, another article hints that his death may have been the result of foul play.

I then do what Bobby always suggests I do when I can’t get a hold of him and he’s off on a case somewhere. I contact hospitals in the area.

By the third phone call, I’ve found him. All I can get out of the medical staff is that he’s unresponsive and been in their care for a few days.

An hour later, I’m on I-80, headed to Pittsburgh.

My brakes are squeaking big time.

~~~~

(Italicized Dialogue from S3, Episode 10, “Dream a Little Dream of Me” - Teleplay by Cathryn Humphris; Story by Sera Gamble & Cathryn Humphris)

My driver’s license (fake) gets me the information I need at the hospital. Next of kin and all that. A doctor runs through the updates on Bobby’s current medical state while we stand at the nurse’s station. It's good news. Bobby woke up a few hours ago.

The doc questions why I wasn’t listed as an emergency contact. He mentions that they had to call a Mr. Snyderson instead. I shrug, rattling off that my Dad probably doesn’t think I know how to manage an emergency.

I wonder who the hell Mr. Snyderson is as I get Bobby’s room number and am pointed in the direction to find it. Mainly I’m relieved that the closest thing I have to family - that hasn’t disowned me - is conscious and doing fine by all accounts.

I don’t even need to check the number, hearing Bobby’s voice drift out into the hall from a room just up ahead on the right. “We better work fast… and coffee up. ‘Cause the one thing we cannot do is fall asleep.”

I take a cautious step in and prepare to meet “Mr. Snyderson.” A very tall figure with expansive shoulders stands at the side of Bobby’s bed. His broad back is to the doorway. It’s the moppy head of hair that I recognize first. My brain swims with sudden knowledge and memory. I feel overwhelmed and a bit lightheaded.

Sam. Sam Winchester. A hunt. We worked a hunt together a couple years ago. Road tripped from Maine to California. I even remember spending some time with him at Bobby’s after a car accident he’d been in with his dad. I’m also struck with the fact that he lost his dad. The scattered moments don’t have any connective tissue that I can discern. They catch my attention like twinkling ornaments atop a Christmas tree. Each represents some commemorative event I need to be reminded of.

Bobby sees me in the doorway. His face runs a litany of emotions. Serious to surprised. Welcoming to worried. “L.” He whispers.

I smile. Sam spins. His rotation hints at the shape of someone sitting on the other side of Bobby’s bed. Sam settles with a stare at me and walls off the stranger for the time being.

Sam’s as cute as I remember. There’s a bit more mass to him. And then, I remember us bonding over his psychic abilities. It’s disorienting, the flashes and pops of life bursting out of hibernation.

“L?” Bobby asks. “You doin’ alright there, kid?”

I shake my head and manage a smile again. “Considering I’m visiting you in the hospital, don’t you think I should be the one asking that question?” I hesitate at the awkward glances Sam and Bobby shoot each other. I flap my hands at my sides. “Hey, Sam. How are you doing? Been a while.”

His eyes bug. “H-Hey Elina. Yeah. I’m, I’m doin’ pretty well.” A hand scratches the side of his neck. “How’s things in Matamoras?”

“Good. Doing my best to stay out of trouble.” I point a finger at him. “Are you Mr. Snyderson, who got the call about Bobby instead of me?”

“That’d be me.” There’s a terse answer from the other side of the room. The figure is still hidden by Sam. A scrape of chair legs follows.

Sam swallows. Hard. He steps to the side.

My gaze lands on a pair of bright green eyes staring back. The guy is male model attractive. My skin warms up in a reflexive response to all that pretty. “You can call me Dean, though.” He smirks.

“Dean?” The name registers instantly. “Sam’s brother?”

He nods and puffs his chest out. I can’t quite tell if it’s a smug posture or if he’s donning some invisible protective armor.

“He-” I start to fill the gaps in my mind as my mouth reveals the facts. “Sam’s mentioned you.” Older brother. Cocky. Pain in the ass. Overbearing.

I don’t get a response in return. Instead, Dean turns to Bobby. “We’ll touch base if we hear anything else.” He rounds the edge of the hospital bed and taps Sam on the arm. All I get is a quick nod from Dean before he disappears.

“See ya.” Sam smiles, lips scrunched tight. He stumbles past me out of the room, following his older, shorter brother.

Yeah, I’ve met my share of guys like that before. Bad boys have never done me any favors. Way more trouble than they’re worth. I keep reminding myself of that as I catch one last glimpse of Dean Winchester in the hallway before Sam shuts the door behind him.

When it’s only the two of us, I hurry over and give the old man a careful embrace. He taps my back in assurance. “I’m fine.”

I peel away and stand to squint at him. “Let me guess? Fine enough to hop back into solving whatever caused this.” I plant my hands on my hips. “Why can’t you fall back asleep? And why does that Dean dude rank as your emergency contact?”

He squints back at me. “The Winchester boys are family, too, L.”

“Sam’s what you’d call an absolute peach, Bobby, I’ll give you that. But, I don’t have any firsthand experience with Dean to make a judgment call.”

“Hm.” Bobby nods slowly. “Could’ve sworn you’ve met both of them.”

“Nope.” I definitely would have remembered Dean Winchester.

~~~~

I knock on the door to Bobby’s room at The Aviary Hotel.

There’s a delay. I can hear some cursing and arguing as I wait. The taller squatter opens the door part way in greeting. “El.” Sam smiles.

“Hi.”

“Everything alright?” A hand stuffs into a pocket and he leans against the door, filling up the space.

“Bobby’s probably getting released tomorrow morning.”

“That’s great news.”

“It is. I figured I’d grab him some clean clothes for his discharge.” I sweep a hand towards him. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, uh…” Sam stammers.

“For chrissakes.” Dean’s voice interrupts. An arm pushes Sam back into the room and out of the way. Dean grimaces at Sam before giving me a dose of all that attitude. “Listen, Elena, it’s great that you’ve decided to come all this way and play nursemaid. But, we’ve got actual case work to do. So, would you make it quick?”

I blink at the condescending tone. Bobby filled me in on the details back at the hospital. I had felt a little sympathy at the predicament Dean has found himself in. HAD. “Oh, of course. Certainly don’t want to interfere with all your great case work. Is there another suspect you need to give a DNA sample to?”

Dean’s irritation crumbles. He looks like a shamed puppy that’s peed on the carpet.

“Don’t mind him, El.” Sam pulls the door all the way open. “We’re all a little high strung at the moment.”

I scoot in between the brothers. The room’s wallpaper is a feathery explosion in blues, greens and yellows. “Well, the decor isn’t going to help calm anyone down,” I critique.

Dean flops in a sad looking armchair and grabs sheets of paper on a nearby side table to study with intense interest.

Hospitality must be Dean Winchester’s middle name.

“Get you something to drink?” Sam strolls by Dean, backhanding Dean’s bicep along the way. Dean pays him no mind.

I wave a hand. “Nope. Just point me in the direction of Bobby’s stuff and I’ll be out of here.”

Sam offers a soft smile in apology and gestures to a set of louvered bifold doors. The room is crazy huge. A full kitchen and another door that must lead to the bathroom make up the other half. There’s a desk on this side of the living area. More papers litter its surface, along with a laptop that I recognize as Sam’s (various stickers are slapped on top).

Yep, the brothers have made themselves at home. The double beds have been slept in by the state of the sheets. I smell greasy fast food.

When I open the closet, Bobby’s entire wardrobe is hung up. I grab the empty duffle from the closet floor. “Was he planning on moving here?” I frown to myself. When I remove the first plaid ensemble from a hanger I spot the case board on the back closet wall. “Ah, of course.” I take my time and fold one shirt with care before packing it. Then another. Taking my sweet time as I take in all the information.

I decide to inquire with the friendlier Winchester. “So, Sam. Bobby told me what happened to him.” I turn to see him sitting at the desk. Dean’s in my field of view in the background as well, still reading. I attempt a poke. “That he was stupid enough to make himself a prime lullaby target of this Frost kid.” Dean’s mouth purses but he doesn’t look over. “Got any ideas yet on how he gets some shut eye without being murdered?”

Sam sighs. “No.”

I want to ask if he’s thought about using his powers while he’s asleep and under the influence of the African Dream Root again. But I don’t know how Dean feels about his brother’s powers. Or, if he even knows for certain. My memory is still hazy and I don’t want to risk outing him or stirring up a touchy subject. Something tells me Dean wouldn’t handle Sam’s powers well if he did know.

“Well, if you need me to try and make contact with someone on the other side, let me know. I mean I haven’t done it in a while, but I can always give Bobby’s friend Pam a call if I need some guid-”

Dean bolts out of his chair. Papers crumple in his tight fist. “We don’t need you to do anything.” The dismissive tone matches the inconsequential way he stares at me. “We don’t need anyone else fucking things up.”

Sam rotates in the seat, arm resting along the chair back. His bewildered and angry expression towards Dean is all I focus on. My cheeks warm at the berating from this stranger with a chip on his shoulder the size of the Grand Canyon.

“From what I hear,” Dean continues, “you are giving the normal life the good ole college try back in Montezuma. I suggest you keep it that way. And get as far away from all this as you can.” His voice cracks at the end. That sound makes me dare to lift my gaze back to him.

He’s trying his best to be an all-knowing asshole. But something’s cracking the veneer. I don’t think he’ll be able to keep it up for much longer. For a moment, I want to march right into this guy’s personal space and slap him. Right before I hug him. But it’s a fleeting inkling. I nod at him. “I’ll get this stuff to Bobby. Sounds like the both of you can handle picking him up at the hospital in the morning.” I inhale and prop up a smile as I turn to Sam. It’s the only way I’ll keep my lips from quivering.

Sam’s brows angle down. “I’m sorry, El.” He whispers.

I shake my head. I can’t speak. If I do, I’ll cry. And I don’t fucking know why my body is reacting like this to the things Dean Winchester said to me.

My heart is racing. I walk with lightning speed to the door.

My brakes are squeaking big time back to Matamoras.

~~~~

Sam’s tired. He should be the one sleeping in the back seat.

He’s the one that’s lived through and remembered hundreds of Tuesdays where Dean died. He didn’t have the blessing(?) of a memory wipe with every morning reset. Now, he panics when he stumbles upon a radio station playing the chorus of Asia’s most well known song. He woke up on so many Tuesdays to “the heat of the moment.” Those words grate like fingernails across a chalkboard every time he hears it. Hearing that music always makes him question for a couple seconds if he’s been dropped back into Groundhog Day Hell.

One Tuesday did have a Wednesday after it. Without Dean.

Sam’s lived six months without Dean already. The Trickster showed him what life would be like without his brother. Sam spent those six months obsessed, determined to find a way to bring Dean back from the dead. He’d convinced the Trickster to snap his fingers and take him back to a Wednesday where Dean lived. Honestly, the Trickster probably got bored of Sam’s sulking and found another puppet’s strings to pull. But, regardless, Sam got his brother back.

He hasn’t bothered to share any of what happened during those six months with Dean (or that one of his deaths actually stuck). Not when they’re trying to prevent Dean from going to hell.

Sam’s need to fix messes could be considered heroic –maybe even to him– if he wasn’t the reason the messes were created.

Sam’s not sure how much one person is expected to withstand. If he and Dean are in some kind of tragedy endurance contest, he’d like to tap out, please, and wave the white flag in surrender. But, then, he thinks about Dean going it alone. When he decides that’s not an option, he straightens up, plants his feet, and braces for the next wave of sorrow to pummel him.

So, yeah, Sam’s tired. But still determined that his brother’s not gonna die. Not anytime soon. Not if he has a say in the matter. Especially when Dean’s no longer resigned to the inevitable of his demon deal coming to fruition.

Sam can push through the exhaustion and fight for Dean’s future because even Dean wants a chance at what’s possible for himself.

Sam saw it with his very own eyes in Dean’s dream. Not the dream Dean’s currently having in the backseat. In between snuffles and snores he’s mumbling nonsense (something about wrenches and spanners). No, what Sam witnessed in Dean’s dream months back proved Dean thinks about a future of what ifs.

The dream had occurred days after he and Dean had managed to wake Bobby from the nightmare coma courtesy of Jeremy Frost. Days after Dean found himself in grave danger of becoming Jeremy’s next victim.

Dean hadn’t slept for days. The threat of never waking up again meant classic rock on full blast in Baby. Gallons of coffee. A concerning amount of No-Doze pills that Dean most definitely wasn’t taking to cram for a college exam.

Bobby had kept himself awake researching with Bela. In between, he spent a lot of time fuming at Dean for the way he’d sent Elina packing. Dean brushed off Bobby's grumpy attitude and reminded him it was best for Elina.

Dean had eventually reached a breaking point, gave his safety a big ole’ “fuck you,” and decided sleep was worth the risk. He’d driven Baby to a clearing off the road, parked her, and leaned back to close his eyes.

Sam harvested some of Dean’s hair right off the scalp, insisting that if Dean was going under he’d need someone to watch his back in the dreamworld.

When they’d both roused from sleep in the Impala nothing had seemed off.

Until Elina popped up in the backseat.

“Finally!” Elina exclaimed.

Sam almost pogoed off the bench at the sound made by a person that most definitely could not be there.

She bopped first Dean’s, then Sam’s, shoulder with a folded up newspaper. “Geez, you two were really knocked out.” Her elbows and arms draped atop the front bench’s backrest. “I was gonna give you five more minutes of beauty sleep. I know you both need it.”

Dean’s eyes widened, staring at her. His lips parted.

Sam dared to interact with the apparition. “El, what are you doing here?”

Her brows furrowed. She nodded in pensive thought. “I ask myself that question every day, Sam. What the hell am I doing with my life, hunting with the likes of you two?” She nudged Dean’s shoulder with an elbow and grinned at him. “Saving people: an absolutely non-existent way to earn a living, am I right?”

Dean nodded back and offered a confused smile. “R-right.”

Elina looked from Dean to Sam then back to Dean. “You okay?”

Dean nodded with increased fervor and turned in his seat to give her his full attention. “Yeah.”

“Better be. I think I found us a case.” She presented the paper to Sam. “Take a look.”

Sam took the offering and gazed at the front page. A jumble of letters littered the paper like a word search puzzle. “What are we looking at?” Sam bluffed.

“A man was found dead in the famous confectionery amusement park in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Police hadn’t released details of the death to the public.” She tapped the spot that appeared to be a headline. “An anonymous source talked to this reporter and said the guy that died had been literally encased in a chocolate mold. You know, like those chocolate bunnies? Only this was a gigantic chocolate dude. Impossible to create anything like that in the on-site factory.”

“Solid Milk Murder,” Dean mumbled. Sam watched his older brother fixate his gaze away on Elina’s face.

“Get this,” Elina continued. “This reporter did more digging into the victim’s life. Six months prior his father had died. Dad had been a supervisor at a candy factory in a Delaware beach town. He’d been pulled to pieces in a taffy stretching machine.” She scooted behind Dean and wrapped her arms around him. Dean stiffened in shock. “Sticky situation,” she mumbled into Dean’s ear and then pecked him on the cheek. Dean closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. A small smile lined his lips. When his eyes blinked open and Adam's apple twitched with a swallow, he appeared to relax into the embrace. “I say the Three Amigos see if this is our kind of thing.”

Before Sam or Dean could respond a noise rattled outside of the car. Elina flickered out, gone in an instant. There’d been no time for either of them to discuss what had happened. They quickly exited the car to investigate.

Dean manifested Lisa next. The scene was the perfect slice of Apple Pie Life. A picnic in the park. Lisa had even told Dean she loved him before disappearing.

Things went downhill from there. But, they’d made it out of the dream alive. Jeremy hadn’t, thanks to Sam turning the tables.

Unfortunately, Bela had broken into the safe in the hotel room and stolen the Colt. Bobby left them with a promise to be in touch if he got a lead on her or the gun’s whereabouts. That was the only thing they thought could kill Lilith.

Sam finished packing back at the hotel. A heavy mix of anger and defeat hung in the air. Quietly writing, Dean hunched over the desk in an attempt at privacy while Sam bounced around the room grabbing all their items. Sam spotted names on the envelopes Dean stuffed into his bag when he was done. One read Lisa. The other, Elina.

It wasn’t until they headed out to the car and tossed the bags in the trunk that Dean spoke.

“Hey Sam, I was wondering, when you were in my head what did you see?”

“Uh, just Jeremy, he kept me separated from you. Easier to beat my brains out I guess. What about you? You never said.”

“Nothing. I was looking for you the whole time.”

As easy as it was for Sam to withhold all the dream details, he was pretty certain Dean was doing the same.

The car doors creaked and squeaked. When they settled in the driver and passenger seat, Dean said, “Sam…”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve been doing some thinking. And… well, the thing is… I don’t want to die. I don’t want to go to hell.”

“All right, yeah. We’ll find a way to save you.”

“Okay, good.”

Sam’s lived through his own hell since Dean confessed wanting salvation from an eternity of torture. With everything they have been through, they’ve got nothing to show for it. They still aren’t any closer to finding Bela and the Colt and the magic bullet that will put an end to Dean’s demon deal.

The last case in Milan, Ohio and the monster they encountered fed off Dean’s fear of dying. The crocotta had used its powers to mimic their dad’s voice and contact Dean through the phone. The monster, claiming to be John, told Dean he could help him locate the demon that held his contract.

Dean had opened up to Sam after they’d defeated the crocotta back at the motel room.

(Dialogue - in italics - from Ep. Long Distance Call; written by Jeremy Carver)

“I wanted to believe so badly there was a way out of this. I mean, I’m staring down the barrel at this thing. You know, Hell… for real, forever, and I’m just…”

“Yeah.”

“I’m scared, Sam. I’m really scared.”

“I know.”

“I guess I was willing to believe anything – you know, last act of a desperate man.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having hope, you know.”

“Hope doesn’t get you Jack Squat. I can’t expect Dad to show up with some miracle at the last minute. I can’t expect anybody to, you know? And the only person that can get me out of this thing is me.”

“And me.”

“‘And me’?”

“What?”

“Deep revelation, having a real moment here, that’s what you come back with – ‘And me’?”

“Do you want a poem?”

“Moments gone.” Dean turned on the television. “Unbelievable.” He passed Sam a beer and they drank in silence.

They’ve shaked and baked their way through a handful of demons since that case; trying to get any information on the real demon that holds Dean’s contract. But they keep hitting a brick wall. Whatever owns the agreement to Dean’s demise scares the holy hell out of every demon they’ve encountered.

Sam might have a lead on a novel way out of Dean’s contract. It doesn’t involve facing off with the Demon that makes every underling willingly choose an exorcism over betrayal. The solution may be wrapped up in the potential case they’re heading to in Erie, Pennsylvania. Sam knows it will be a hard sell if his hunch is right. But he’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it.

For now, anyway, Sam’s got another trick up his sleeve. He offered to drive from Ohio into Pennsylvania so Dean could get some shut eye. The trek had taken longer because he passed right on by Erie. On purpose.

Sam’s luck ran out about an hour from the destination when Dean stretched and sat up in the backseat.

Sam clocked Dean in the rearview mirror. He checked his watch. Eyes widened. “What the hell? Did you drug me? I’ve been out for like seven hours.”

Sam had thought about knocking his brother out. Thankfully, he didn’t need to resort to that. Yet.

Sam shrugged. “My smooth driving lulled you to sleep.”

“Yeah, right.” Dean chuckled.

Sam’s jaw clenched as he passed a highway distance sign that displayed the city where they were headed.

“Sam.” The mirth in Dean’s voice disappeared. “Sam,” he repeated. “Are you lost? You better be lost.”

Dean has always looked out for Sam. Sam knows, deep down, Dean’s always wanted happiness for him. Sam wants that for Dean, too. If Sam can unload Dean off to someone that might be able to help him get happiness in whatever form - whether it’s the hunting life with Elina or the suburban life with Lisa - why shouldn’t Dean get the chance to try?

“Pull over,” Dean ordered.

Sam shook his head. “Nope.”

“Bitch, what the fuck?”

“Consider this a proactive discussion prior to the demon deal dissolution.”

Dean groaned. His head flopped onto the backrest. “I’m so kicking your ass when you stop this car. And, you’ve gotta stop eventually.”

“It’ll be worth it.” The hesitance in Sam’s voice contradicted the certainty of his words.

Dean was directly behind him now. Sam could feel Dean’s warm breath on the back of his neck as he huffed, “Really?”

Sam swallowed hard. “Yep. We’re gonna find a way to save you, Dean. And, when we do, Elena’s gonna remember all of it.”

“You don’t know that,” Dean murmured.

“Well, if she doesn’t, then Bobby and I will tell her everything that happened.”

Dean slapped him upside the head.

“Jerk! I’m driving!” Sam exclaimed.

“It won’t change anything.” Dean slid to the middle of the back seat. “It won’t change how I feel. She’s better off without me, Sam, and you know it.”

“No, I don’t. And how would she know it when she doesn’t even remember you? You got a shit deal and Elena got dragged in as a free gift with your order.”

“I didn’t ask for that.”

“I know you didn’t. But, Dean,” –Sam glanced at his brother– “Elena didn’t ask for it either.”

“She’s trying the normal life thing. That’s good. I’d just complicate it all again.”

“You could give the normal life thing a try, too, you know.”

“You aren’t gonna shut up about this are ya?”

“Nope. Come on, no time like the present.” Because there’s literally no time, Sam thought.

~~~~

Ugh. No time!

I rummage through the jewelry box. Again. My gaze darts to the alarm clock on the nightstand. I should have left the apartment five minutes ago if I wanted to appear fashionably late.

The attempt at nonchalance is no longer an option. I will now have to text Gary.

Running later than expected. Wait for me?

Thoughts claw their way up the curtains in my head when I rush like this. I can’t find my grandmother’s rose gold necklace. I know I didn’t lose it. At least I hope not.

Are the blouse and skirt not dressy enough for Bella Notte? I forgot to ask Gary if it’s a formal restaurant. If I send another text it will be obvious I’m obsessing way more than I should. Maybe the outfit is too much? If it is, I probably don’t need the necklace, too. But now that I went searching for it and it’s not where I expected it to be, I have to find it.

My fingers thread through my hair and grip my skull. I’ve gotta calm my ass down.

The phone chirps with news of a Gary response.

Nowhere I gotta be but waiting for a beautiful woman. Just don’t stand me up, alright?

Gary’s flirting. And even through the technical distance of texting this attention increases the beating of my racing heart. I steady my fingers to type.

Of course not.

Screw it. It’s taken almost a year for this first date to happen. I can tear the apartment upside down for the necklace I was going to wear when I return.

I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the jewelry box mirror. I touch the soft leather cord around my neck. It doesn’t go with the blouse. But I promised Bobby I wouldn’t take the thing off when he gave it to me months ago.

I sigh, thinking about the grouch in the hospital bed. Back then, he asked where the fire was that I needed to get to in such a goddamn hurry. I wasn’t about to tell him I was running away from an avalanche of attitude by the name of Dean Winchester. The passing thought of that guy still bristles my fur. What the hell was his problem?

Bobby ordered me to hand over his duffle I’d brought from the hotel room. It took him a couple minutes to sift through it as he grumbled about my packing job. Eventually, he pulled out a cord with a charm.

“Should have given you one of these years ago, L. They only gotta find a chink in your armor when you’re the most vulnerable. Lost. Without hope.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Demons, knucklehead.” He rubbed the scrap of hair atop his balding skull.

I frowned. “My place is warded to ‘Singer Specifications.’” I air-quoted. “Salt lines get redone on the windows and doors weekly with double-sided tape. I’ve got a spray bottle of holy water on the kitchen counter. You even told me you peeled the upholstery off the roof of my car to paint a Devil’s Trap under it.”

He cleared his throat. “Right, I forgot I did that.” He waves the cord at me. “Overkill? Maybe? But a lot of shit’s been stirred up lately. And there’s an increase in demon activity because of it. Humor an old man. Put it on and promise me you won’t take it off. Ever.”

“Ever?”

He nodded. “Shower with it. Sleep with it. The whole nine yards.”

I’d kept my promise.

But, tonight. Well, tonight, fashion sense beats common as I pull the cord over my head. Before I can drop it into my jewelry box, there’s a knock at my door.

I frown, stuff the cord and charm in my grip, and wonder who’s paying me a visit and how fast I can get rid of them. “Who is it?” I call out.

“Uh, it’s Dean Winchester.” The voice rumbles. “You probably don’t remember me.”

“Oh no,” I mumble and rush to the door. I’m face to face with him after a quick unlock and pull. “What happened?” The question spews out. I hear how frantic I sound.

His eyes widen and punctuate his already shocked expression. “What?”

“Bobby! What happened?”

“Nothing. Bobby’s fine. Back in Sioux Falls, far as I know. Talked to him just yesterday.” He raises a hand to apparently calm me.

The gesture has the opposite effect. From my limited encounters, any reaction from this man reeks of condescension. I lash out with what I think is biting sarcasm. “Good. Hopefully Bobby put me down as his emergency contact like I asked, Mr. Snyderson.”

He confuses me further with a smile.

I shake my head and try not to focus on how cute his smile is. Or how long his lashes are and how that only adds to the flirtatious vibes when his lids flutter over those green eyes. “Why are you here?”

“Sam and I were in the area. On the way to a case.” He rocks back and forth from heel to sole.

I peek past him to the staircase landing. No Sam.

“He’s waiting in the car, outside.” Dean clears his throat. “He figured it was better I do this alone.”

My hand lands on my hip as I try my best cool-and-could-care-less stance. “Do what?”

He sighs. “Apologize.”

I’m staring up at this guy. Not as tall and eclipsing as his brother, but still much taller than me. He’s wearing a leather jacket that’s a little too big for his frame. A fleeting thought has me wondering if it’s Sam’s. But that can’t be right. An older brother doesn’t get his younger brother’s hand-me-downs. There’s hesitation and uncertainty in his eyes. Their gaze flits from side to side. For a moment, he seems smaller.

And sincere.

“I’m on my way out,” I state. Then add, “but you can come in for a minute.”

He tugs a smile up the corner of his mouth and hurries inside. My nose twitches at the odor of stale sweat and something metallic.

“This is a nice little place you got here. Just like I imagined it would be.”

Why the hell had he been imagining what my place looks like?

His hands disappear into his jacket pockets. He strolls into the middle of my apartment.

I close the door. “You mentioned apologizing.” I’ve got places to be, buddy.

Dean turns to stare back at me. He lifts a brow, then steels his jaw. “Yeah.” He rotates on his heels to face me full on. “I was a dick and you didn’t deserve any of my bullshit. I’ve been going through some shit for about a year… not an excuse, I know that. But, I figured an explanation to go along with the apology was in order. Trying to make amends to the people I wronged before I hang up my hunting license.”

“You’re quitting?” For some reason, the confession utterly surprises me. I know nothing about this guy. But, none of that lines up in my brain about him. “Getting out of the life?”

“Something like that, yeah.” He smiles. It’s forced and pinned high on his cheeks. “Got any tips?”

“Tips?”

“Yeah, how’d you do it?”

I shake my head. “Tips should come from someone who’s done it successfully. I can’t say I’ll never get wrapped up in a case again. It’s a work in progress.”

He shrugs. The long jacket sleeve almost swallows his clenched fist at the action. “I don’t know. You’ve got a job. Your own place. Sounds pretty successful to me.” He spins, slow and deliberate, taking in the details of my apartment.

It should feel intrusive. Privacy invading. But, I find myself taking advantage of the opportunity to study his mannerisms. His lids squint, then relax. He licks his top lip. There’s a slight nod to some steady bopping tune that might be playing in his head.

Dean halts and stares at something. He bends over and leans to the side. On his way to the dresser, he crouches with creeping steps. Investigation mode appears to be activated with a graceful squat. A hand sweeps along the wood floor out of my view. He hops up to standing. Something shiny dangles between his fingers.

I float over in adulation at the sight. “Oh wow, you found it!”

He grins and drops it into my open, waiting palm. “Pretty important?”

“A gift from my grandmother.” My gaze darts to the corner behind the dresser where it had been hiding. I connect the dots. “It must have slipped over the side.” I inhale and beam at Dean. “Thank you.”

“Glad I could help.”

I drop the anti-possession charm on the dresser and use both hands to put on Grandma’s rose gold necklace.

Dean points to the leather cord. “Don’t forget that.”

I shake my head. “Doesn’t go.”

The judgment in his eyes wipes away any mirth on his face. “Bobby gave you that, didn’t he? He’d be awfully disappointed to know you weren’t taking precautions. ‘Out of the life’ doesn’t mean you slack off on being careful.” He scoops up the cord and unties the knot. A nod precedes his order. “Hold your arm out.”

I’ve obeyed before I realize it. He wraps the cord around my wrist a few times, turning it into a bracelet. Warm fingers fumble against my skin to fasten the leather. They slide up my forearm just enough to tuck the charm under my cuffed sleeve. “There,” he states. “Don’t have to worry about clashing or demons tonight.”

I’m about to thank him again when his eyes do a double-take in the direction of my dresser. He stares in surprise. “You-uh-you collect a lot of cat figurines, huh?”

I huff out a laugh and joke, “Yeah, I’m easing into the crazy cat lady role.”

He picks one up from the dozen miniature cats without asking.

I smile at the little angel in his hand. “That’s my favorite one.”

Dean raises a brow. “Another gift?”

“No.” I shake my head. “Best guess is the people that rented the apartment before me forgot it in the dresser they left behind. I found it in the bottom of a drawer under my clothes one day.”

“Oh.” He nods. “Why’s it your favorite?”

“I don’t know. Just makes me smile.”

“Hmm.” There’s a far away expression on his face.

I suddenly remember I am now very, very late for a date. “Well, Dean, I appreciate you coming by to apologize. No hard feelings. I hope things work out for you. Really.”

Dean relocates the angel with care. He straightens and gains a couple of inches. “I can use all the hope I can get.”

I nod along with him for what seems like forever.

“Riiight.” He stretches the word. “Have a nice night.”

I trail him to the door. “Tell Sam I said hi?”

He turns and looks at me. “Will do.” A hitch of breath follows. I wait for him to say whatever it is he seems to be mulling over. He offers me a soft smile. “Goodbye, Elina.”

The door opens and closes in a second and he’s gone. I’ve been surprisingly affected again by one Dean Winchester. And even though the apology should make me feel better, I somehow find myself worrying about the mysterious and aloof hunter.

I sigh and choose not to dwell on it if I can help it. After all, I’ve got a date!

I rush to the bathroom one more time.

~~~~

Gary’s lips are insistent. Not super rough. His hands curl about my waist. The door handle by the passenger seat presses into my lower back.

The front seat of my VW bug isn’t very roomy. But, here we are, parked at the Staircase Rapids Canoe and Kayak Launch along the Delaware River. The deserted pull off and the moonlight dancing over the water make for a decent and impromptu makeout location.

Dinner was nice enough. I thought my Fettuccine Alfredo was a little runny. But I kept those thoughts to myself.

Gary was a nice enough dinner companion – from the crusty Italian bread with the dipping oil to the Tiramisu we shared. After months of building Gary up in my head, I thought I’d only find more of him to be starry eyed about. Once we could finally talk uninterrupted, the only new thing I’ve found out is he’s very good at deflecting. He offered up short and stubby answers to most of my questions.

I assumed a cool disinterest had crept up in him by the end of the night. He didn’t ask anything very personal. There was nothing deep and probing. Well, except for his tongue currently in my mouth.

As I rate his kissing technique (there’s too much swirl and suction for my liking) I’m also wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Why am I not able to let go and enjoy the closeness and warmth of this other person? It’s been way too long since I’ve experienced this kind of touch. I don’t need to calculate how long. My inner scorekeeper quickly reminds me. It’s been almost two years since my one night stand in Wildwood, New Jersey.

I’m swimming in a haze of too much wine mixed with indecisiveness. His fingers skirt under the hem of my blouse and test the waters. When do I tell him that’s enough? Do I let him cop a feel over my bra? Despite his insistence to pay for my dinner, I slipped my credit card to the waitress so we could split the cost. I didn’t want to owe him anything.

I’ve done more for less attention and regretted it later. I shouldn’t care. Shouldn’t beat myself up for craving touch and fulfilling a basic human need.

It would be easy if I didn’t want more. And I’m realizing with every slip and slurp of Gary’s mouth that there isn’t going to be anything more than this. Whatever happens.

He whispers in my ear that I look incredibly hot tonight. I should gasp a thank you or toss him a complementary compliment. Instead, I’m reminding myself how expendable and forgettable I am. I’m tallying up how many people I expected to stick around –who displayed a modicum of care and interest– actually did.

Gary has been, well, nice enough. I recall how he offered to look at my brakes months back. Fixed them for me at cost at the garage where he moonlights.

All the chance encounters with this man have been thrilling and invigorating. After tonight, they could be embarrassing and stomach upsetting.

Cause this doesn’t feel right.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I finally get what I think I want… and… it’s not.

“Whatsa matter, baby?” he mumbles the question into my mouth.

I snatch at the opportunity presented. My hand rests atop his chest to push him away. I am done inhaling the red wine and cocoa on his breath. “I-I think it’s getting late.” His offer to drive me home in my car, after I had too much wine, is now an obvious problem. I scramble to sound invested in his well being. “You don’t want to call Jason too late for that drive back to the restaurant to pick up your truck, do you?”

“Sweet of you to worry, but I’m a big boy.” He combs some of my hair behind my ear. “You aren’t having a good time?”

“No,” I hurry out my answer. Gary’s figure is awash in the ashy gray of evening. His face, half in pitch black shadow, gives me little to read. The whites of his eyes are the only thing I can make out well. He blinks in wait. I continue. “I had a great time. But, it’s getting late.”

“We could have an even better time if you’d relax.” His thin lips curl up high into a smirk. Hands overpower with ease and clamp over my wrists. A push and I’m smothered between his chest and the door. He grapples my arms tight against my sides. His mouth latches onto my neck. “Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting?” His question vibrates under my skin.

My heart beats for release. “Gary, please…”

“Hm, begging for it already.” He chuckles.

“No.” I squirm. I shake my head, lift my shoulder in vain to detach his lips from me. “Take me home, please.”

He groans out an exasperated sigh. His bangs sweep over my lips. “For fuck’s sake. We could’ve had a good time tonight, El.” His teeth click. He launches backward into the driver’s seat.

I sit up and wedge farther into the little corner between the door and the seat. Where the hell can I run where he won’t catch me right away? There isn’t anything for five miles in either direction on this stretch of road heading back to Matamoras from Pond Eddy. I massage the skin of one wrist. Maybe I can convince him to drive me home? Promise to continue the fun at my apartment? I could hop out of the car and run to the 24-hour Smoke Shop a block away.

When I switch to the other wrist I notice something’s missing.

Gary starts the engine. The dashboard illuminates and winks to life. He taps on the overhead light. My leather cord dangles from the tips of his fingers. He eyes the charm swaying back and forth. His lips peel back and display pearly whites. “Fuckin’ piece of shit,” he hisses. Under the engine hum a whirr accompanies the opening of the driver’s side window. With a quick slingshot, my necklace disappears into the darkness outside.

“What the hell are you doing?” I’m surprised at my ability to sound angry.

“What did Dean have to say when he stopped by earlier?” Gary asks and turns to look at me. I can see every inch of his face now but he’s not any easier to read.

Oh. Shit.

I grab the door handle.

But I’m not faster than Gary.

He cups the back of my head and slams my forehead into the curved outcrop of the dash. A shock of whiplash shuffles the contents of my skull. It’s followed by a ringing in my ears. Fingers weave into my hair and tug me to sit upright, tipping my head back like a Pez dispenser. I scream at the corkscrew twisting of his hand. Hundreds of strands yank out of my scalp.

“The Winchesters.” Gary is calm and stone faced. He’s in my personal space, staring down at me. “Where are they headed?”

“I-I don’t know.” Balance upended, I’m woozy and confused. “How-, why-”

“Those two are stupid enough to get themselves killed if they aren’t careful, El. Help ‘em out. Tell me where they are going.”

“I t-t-told you. I don’t kn-”

I hear a crack, then realize it was the side of my head getting slammed into the car window. A dull, heavy pulse bangs against the kettle drum that is my brain.

“We gotta do it the hard way, huh?”

I slump against the glass and close my eyes. The surface is cool, slippery. Despite the pain radiating throughout my body, I could fall asleep.

Gears shift. The car judders forward in that familiar way when I give it a little too much gas. Then, it slows to a crawl.

“We’ve got a pool going, seeing how boring as hell it’s been topside lately. Pun intended, by the way.” Gary hums a little to the pop tune blaring from the radio. “Who’s Dean gonna run to before his deal comes due?” He announces the question like a game show host. “I had my money on you. Always thought you had an advantage over Lisa. I mean, yeah, there’s Ben. That meat stick has a soft spot for kids. But, you, I mean come on, you were in the life. You know what it’s like. You get him. Well, when you remember him.” Gary snorts. “You saved him for fuck’s sake!”

I force my lids open. Something sticky’s blurring the vision of my right eye. The headlights are creeping over a dirt path. Gary taps the steering wheel to the song’s beat.

“Wha- talkin’ ‘bout?” I murmur.

“You pulled out in the lead at the last minute. Spray a little scrubbing bubbles in there” – he presses a finger to my temple – “and I’ll get what I need, get out of this ass backwards town and onto bigger and better things. A promotion from Lilith. Maybe visit New York City. Get up to some trouble.” Gary turns to grin at me. I’m seeing double, his figure swimming in and out of focus.

His eyes turn totally black.

I shake my head. The pounding only increases.

A demon. There’s a fucking demon driving my car.

“Gotta say I’m a little disappointed.” Gary slams the brake pedal hard. My body flails back into the seat. I groan as Gary continues talking, shifting into park while the engine runs. “Thought we could have some real fun before getting down to the doldrums of business. This wasn’t the way Gary wanted to end up inside you, either.”

I gotta get out of here. I reach for one of the door handles but I only fist at air. Beyond the car hood, I can only make out a sliver of the dirt path awash in high beams. Ripples of water, the color of black volcanic glass, sway and meet the edge of the earth.

Sudden and abrupt, Gary’s palms cradle my head. A kaleidoscope of black-eyed masks circle in my vision. “Open wide so I can have a peek, baby.” His jaw unhinges. Smoke expels from between his lips. Onyx clouds hang in the air. Terror bubbles up and a pitiful yelp leaves me. His gaping hole of a mouth turns up at the corners in a sinister cheshire cat grin.

The smoke appears sentient, swirling its form into a thread with a needle-like point heading right toward my mouth. Then, I feel the invasion. The alien gas slides down my throat. It violates and expands throughout my lungs and inflates in dominance. It’s rough, uncaring, pawing under my skin for control. My vision is gone, a complete blackout. I can’t stop blinking in hopes I will see something, anything. I gasp somewhere, far away, for breath.

“There we go, baby.” It’s my voice, but I’m not saying the words. I’ve been amputated from the body I’m stuck inside. The prisoner part of me rattles around in my brain, beating against my skull. “It’ll be better if you don’t fight.”

My sight returns but it’s distorted. I’m peeking through a fisheye lens. My hand adjusts the rear view mirror - without any directive that’s mine - so I can stare at my reflection. Half of my face is smeared in blood. My blood. My fingers push matted hair off my forehead and cheek. My eyes leer at my own visage, lascivious and coveting. My tongue peeks out to lick the blood dripping from my nose.

“Oh, we’re gonna be able to get so much more done with this body.” Incorporeal fingers flip through my memory. “Hm. You weren’t lying. You don’t know where they went.”

“Elina?” A hoarse voice mumbles out of Gary’s body slumped in the driver’s seat.

“All those naughty thoughts.” My voice holds a condescending, judgy tone, as I stare at Gary. “Maybe if you’d paid more attention to taking care of that sickly aunt you wouldn’t be in this mess, Gar.” One of my hands feels its way up Gary’s shirt and under his suit jacket. It finds something cool and hard inside the breast pocket. My other hand unceremoniously pulls the clear bud vase from the mount it resides in near the steering wheel. “Lilith appreciates your service.”

Gary stares at the folded hunting knife in my hand. A firm wrist whip releases the blade from the confines. He scrambles to sit up in the seat. “What-what are you-”

Gary doesn’t get to finish his sentence. I’m screaming in the cage of my brain. My hand slashes at his throat, plunging deep into the flesh and meeting the resistance of bone. My wrist twists. My other hand places the bud vase near the gaping wound. Blood gurgles and spurts into the receptacle as Gary’s head flops to the side.

I can’t stop screaming.

“Hopefully that’s enough.”

My voice quips out some lines of Latin as my eyes stare hard at the tiny vase.

“Fuck. Well, guess that killing two birds with one stone saying doesn’t apply here. Not enough juice.” My hand tosses the vase into the back of the car. “We’ll just give Sam a ring and find out where he and Dean are. Find another warm body to make another call. Then we’ll update Lilith on our progress.” I see my lips scrunch up in the mirror’s reflection. “Gary’s gonna have to go for a swim.” My body expels an exasperated sigh.

I can’t stop screaming.

“Shut the fuck up. Or when we track Dean and Sam down, I’ll cut their tongues out and feed them to you.”

I gasp, stunned and muted by the threat.

“That’s better. Now where’s that cell phone of yours.”

Dropping the knife, my hand searches the footwell by my heels. The demon will secure my purse in moments.

Dean’s face flashes in my memory. I can use all the hope I can get.

“You get him. Well, when you remember him. You saved him for fuck’s sake!” Gary’s voice - the demon’s words - replay in my head.

Demons lie.

But I remember Sam. Sam doesn’t deserve whatever this demon has in store for him. And, deep down, I’m pretty sure Dean doesn’t deserve it either.

From the periphery of my sight, I see blood seeping out of Gary’s fatal wound. The wound my hands created.

Demons kill.

The demon won’t hesitate to do this again to someone else.

Unless I fight back.

“You can’t fight me.” My voice sing songs. “You don’t get out of this until I say.”

I remember Sam. Sam was able to do things he hadn’t thought possible when something was important enough to try and save.

“I told you to shut up.”

I realize how similar my voice sounds to my sister’s when she used to tease and scold me.

I hated that.

The engine idles, a background hum to all of the crazy.

My hand flips my phone open and begins to tap through my contacts.

I won’t be used to hurt another person. Anger boils and the body I’m in heats up around me. My thoughts zone in on how the gear shift would feel in my hand. How I’d press on the brake while I switch from Park to Drive.

The pedal bears down and the gear shift clicks to R, N, then D.

“What the–?”

I imagine my foot lifting off the brake and slamming the gas.

The car hiccups forward, almost rearing up on its wheels like a horse being whipped. It’s only a few seconds and then it’s bobbing as if it’s been fitted with hydraulics. Gary’s lifeless body bounces in the driver’s seat.

“You psycho bitch!” My voice screams. “Your funeral, not mine!” I feel my jaw open wide, stretching muscles and tendons to their limits.

The lights flicker out in the car. I focus on the sound of water lapping against the exterior. Whatever is going to happen next, I hope it’s quick.

“What the hell?!?” My voice roars in the dark. “What did you do?!? Why am I stuck?!?” My head whips side to side with a feral intensity.

I imagine chuckling like a victorious villain. The Devil’s Trap on the ceiling. Bobby came through for me. Again. Even as my body shivers at the cold water surrounding my feet, I know I can do one last thing to make the man proud. After all, I aced my Latin class in college.

I thread the words of the exorcism together, echoing in my brain.

“No! Stop!”

My body is betraying me again, either because of the demon or because I might be weakening its hold and control over my flesh. I’m fading. Lids too heavy to keep open.

Glass breaks behind me and water rushes in. The ice cold shocks my heart. Hands wrap around my waist and tug. I’m pulled through the water. This must be what dying feels like.

I break through the water’s surface. “El!” A hand wraps around my waist. A body tangles around mine in the river and drags me somewhere.

Pairs of hands hold me down on hard ground.

“Fuck! Sam!”

The Latin chant spills from a familiar voice, fast and furious.

Sam.

The force of water and smoke expelling from my throat jolts me awake. My eyes flicker open.

I see them.

Sam and Dean stare down at me. A heavy full moon hangs in the sky behind them.

“Hold on, El!”

Dean.

I can’t, though.

~~~~

I wake up screaming.

Sam and Dean are gone.

No moon. No night.

I’m in a room. Yellow fluorescent light.

My heart races. Something beeps.

I stare at a drop ceiling.

“El!”

Pamela. Pamela’s here. I gasp for air.

“It’s alright, darlin’.” Her hand soothes a warm trail up and down my arm.

I slowly realize “here” is a hospital room. I am in a bed, sensors taped to skin and needles tapped into veins.

“Aw, sweetie. Everyone’s gonna be so happy to know you’re awake. Doctor’s gonna want to check you out and talk to you.” She sighs. “Unfortunately, so are the police.”

My mind swims with newfound knowledge. “Dean.” I croak out. “Where’s Dean?” I turn to see her watercolor blue eyes inspect me. The usual troublemaker grin is nowhere to be found.

She pats my hand. “Later, sweetie. Listen to me now.”

“Pamela…”

“Do you remember what happened to you? In the car?” She strokes the hair atop my head. “Do you remember what that thing did to you? Do you remember what it made you do to Gary?”

The knife in Gary’s throat. The blood. I nod. The tears flow.

Pamela nods back. “That’s what the police want to talk to you about,” she whispers. “But, if you claim it was self-defense-that he was gonna hurt you-trust me, it’ll be an easy sell. Those two lawyers you work for, Mitch and Ryan?” I nod as she continues. “They’ve been by to check on you and keep me informed of the investigation. Gary’s Aunt Cheryl’s been rotting away in the basement of her house for months. Gary” –her voice even lower– “that thing joyriding him, it had you in its sights all that time, just waiting for the right moment, like a goddamn serial killer. Cops found photos of you all over the house and satanic” –she air quotes– “stuff in his room.”

My head spins. “Why? Why was it after Sam and Dean?”

A nurse pops in. Her face lights up. “Oh. How’s the patient?”

Pamela smiles and grips my wrist. “Sis just woke up.”

The nurse beelines to the side of my bed and checks the IV drip. Her gaze skirts over me and then at the monitor. “Dr. Wallace is making the rounds.” She clears her throat. “We’ve been given specific instructions to notify the police department as soon as…”

Pamela waves a hand, “Just do whatever you gotta do so we can get her out of here as soon as she’s able. Please.”

The nurse nods and zips out of the room.

“Sis?” I notice a dull throb from my forehead extends to the right side of my head. Oh, yeah, my skull met the dashboard and a window. The painkillers are obviously holding back a torrent of pain.

“Bobby needed one of your relatives to watch over you while he…” Pamela trails off.

“He’s with them, isn’t he? Sam and Dean?”

“What do you remember?”

It’s all a jumble. Memories and thoughts can’t reconcile themselves. “I remember knowing Dean, and then… not. And then, knowing him again.”

Her fingers rub circles atop my hand. “I don’t know all the details. Bobby’s a vault when he swears to secrecy. But, the long and short of it… this Dean Winchester made some kind of demon deal almost a year ago.”

I close my eyes. All I hear in my head is Dean.

I don’t like any of this, though, not one bit. I can’t keep literally dragging you into my shit.

Whatever this connection is, it’s obvious we don’t have any control over it. And that can go real bad, real quick.

You’re special. And I want you to stay that way.

“Oh, Dean,” I whisper. “What did you do?”

“Hey.” Pamela gives me a soft nudge. “This Dean sounds like a ton more trouble than he’s worth. You need to worry more about yourself right now, those police that are going to be by, and getting better. Bobby’s orders.”

~~~~

I was in the hospital for two more days under observation because of the head trauma I sustained. Once they ran me back and forth for numerous tests I finally got discharged with orders to rest.

I’ve been on lockdown for three weeks. I’ve also got security detail.

Not from the cops, mind you. I was convincing enough with my story. They bought that what I did to Gary was in self-defense. It wasn’t like I had to embellish much, just selectively omit some details. The demon had left a trail of crazy and murder that only supported my innocence.

No, I’m on lockdown with Pamela. And Garth, my security detail, has been ordered by Bobby to act as a sentinel outside my building. When he’s not in his car by the entrance during the day, he’s tucked into a sleeping bag by the threshold of my door at night. Pamela sleeps on the couch. I am within eyesight of either one of them in my twin bed. No one could ever claim this studio apartment is spacious.

It’s not so much about who might be coming after me, I suspect, as much as where I might run off to. Bobby called Pamela often. There’d been discussions, of which I’d not been allowed input, that maybe I should be moved. But the logistics and the where couldn’t be agreed. I couldn’t be taken to Sioux Falls. That meant Sam and Dean were there.

Garth had to get on the phone one night and offer, “Geez, Bobby. Law enforcement here is so on edge even the wind changing direction gets the third degree. No way anyone new or somethin’ out of the ordinary gets by them for quite a while. This is probably the safest place for El to be right now.”

That seemed to be good enough for Bobby, finally. Not for me. All I want are answers from Dean about why he thought wiping my memory of him was a great idea. More importantly, all I want to do is help him. Nothing involving a demon is good, I’m living proof. And anything involving a deal with a demon is a thousand times worse.

Pamela went out for food and supplies one morning while “cousin” Garth and I had a late Saturday breakfast. It was the first time we’d been by ourselves.

“You never met Sam and Dean Winchester?” I ask and slurp the sweet sugared milk from my cereal bowl.

“Nope.” Garth helps himself to another serving of the copycat Froot Loops.

I sit up and eye him as he digs in. “So, it was Bobby, then, that had you destroy my phone?”

He gasps, then coughs, mouth full of cereal. A little milk dribbles out of his nose. The features on his cue ball of a head scrunch in towards the center at his discomfort. “What?”

“Come on, Garth. Be honest with me.”

He wipes the mess off his face. “Alright, fine. Yes, Bobby had me do it.” He raises a hand. “And before you ask, I swear I don’t know why. He just told me you needed to be kept out of harm’s way and getting rid of your phone would help with that. So, I did.”

“I know why,” I mumble. “Erase any trace of Dean. It was probably Dean’s idea and Bobby just had you execute it.” I stand, itchy with irritation, and head over to the sink to deposit my cereal bowl. “Doesn’t it piss you off? The way Bobby doles out orders and we’re supposed to follow them without question?”

Garth blows his nose, I’m guessing to clear it of any residual milk. He flares his nostrils and does a little head shake. “Way I see it, Bobby’s survived this long on more than a little luck and a lot of praying. Like it or not, he’s usually right.” Garth looks up at me from his seat. His face wrinkles up into a thoughtful expression. “Bobby did tell me you got pretty close to those Winchesters. The Dean fella, in particular.”

I cross my arms, lean against the tiny bit of counter space that makes up my kitchenette. “I thought so.” I sweep my socked foot along the linoleum floor. My gaze lands on the cat figurine collection across the room on the dresser.

“Thought?”

I zone in on the cat angel. The one Dean got me. The one he picked up when he was here and trying to apologize when I didn’t remember everything. “Being close to someone means having faith in them. That’s how it goes for me anyway.”

“Faith is hard to come by for some people.” Garth shrugs. “You and I are close but it wasn’t always like that. I had to earn it. Look me in the eyes and say you have faith in everything I do with a straight face.” He raises his eyebrows.

I feel my mouth quirk up into a grin. “Fair enough,” I chuckle.

There’s a tell tale knock at the door. It’s the secret knock and I start for the door. But Garth raises a finger and sprints over before me.

Pamela breezes in with a couple bags. “Alright, I think I got everything on the list.” She drops them on the table and pulls out a newspaper for Garth.

“Thanks, Pammy. Gotta catch up on what Marmaduke’s up to.”

She smiles softly at him, then hands me a pile of envelopes. “Grabbed your mail.”

“Thanks, Pammy.” I parrot Garth.

I don’t get the same sweet smile at the use of the nickname. “I’m makin’ rice and beans tonight. Not up for discussion.”

“Hmmm.” Garth rubs his non-existent tummy and wades through the newspaper.

The two of them chatter. I walk to the couch and flop on it, flipping through the mail. Bill. Bill. Junk. But then there’s an envelope with my name and address handwritten on it. The print is haphazard and hurried. It’s postmarked from Sioux Falls from about a week ago. And in the top left corner are two letters.

D.W.

I purse my lips to hold in a gasp. Once I compose myself I announce, “Anyone gotta use the bathroom before I take a shower?”

“Nope,” Pamela states.

“I am A OK,” Garth replies. “Pammy, you like Garfield?”

I pull some clean clothes out of the dresser and dash into the bathroom while they discuss the merits of Odie.

It’s the only place I can get any privacy. I sit on the toilet, my change of clothes a heap in my lap, and Dean’s letter in my hands.

My entire body shivers. I inhale deep and slow to try and calm down, but it’s not helping. A finger inches under the flap and rips open the envelope. I unfold three pieces of paper that were inside. The first one is on stationery from The Aviary Hotel.There’s a crease etched in the middle, top to bottom, and a few left to right; it’s been folded into a smaller square at some point in the past.

The writing is tight and neat. Different from the one on the envelope.

I’m not gonna apologize for how I acted today, El. What would be the point, anyway? You wouldn’t understand why I had to. Take my advice and stay as far away from Sam and me as possible. –Dean

Short and not very sweet. But, I think back to the altercation I had with Dean in the hotel room with the loudest wallpaper I’d ever seen. It was when I didn’t remember, months back. Bobby had been in the hospital. I shake my head, even now, at how obnoxious Dean had been.

The fucker was doing everything in his power to make sure I wasn’t gonna give a shit about him. But why? Why the memory wipe? I tuck the page behind the others.

The next page is on very familiar stationery. I gave it to Bobby as a cheeky little gift one Christmas. He never uses it, but I know where he stashes it - in the right side drawer of the desk in his library.

Dean found that stationery and probably sat at that very desk to write what I’m now reading. The page has crinkles in it, like it was balled up and thrown out.

I let out a chuckle in nervous hiccups at Dean’s scribble right under the fancy font.

A bunch of BS from the desk of B.S. Ain’t that the truth!!! El, Bobby told me you remember everything. His friend Pamela told him that you’ve been asking about me. I don’t know why your memories came back. The deal’s not up yet. I’m glad you’re gonna get to go home soon. I’m so sorry you got caught in the middle of all of this ,. princess I always just wanted you safe. As much as I wish things could be different, nothing good comes from being around me. It kills me you had to find out the hard way with the demon riding that guy. All those times you saved me and didn’t give up on me, it kills me I’ll never be able to repay you proper. I’m glad you remember me now. Truth is, I didn’t think you ever would again. It hurt to have to push you away all this time. To not reach out and tell you about the stupid thing I did when I was crazy in my head over losing Sam. He died, El. About a year ago.

I stop reading. Drop the papers in my lap. I recall the very healthy looking Sam I saw months back. And the one who helped rescue me only weeks ago.

I traded my soul to bring him back. But the crossroads demon only gave me a year before my bill came due.

My heart beat increases, pounds in my head. Dean’s words trigger the pain from the assault, a deep ache in my bones. My skin prickles with anger.

Sam died a year ago and Dean’s deal was for a year.

No, Dean. No.

The bitch thought it’d be cute to wipe your memory of every little bit of me as part of the agreement. You gotta believe me, El, that’s not what I wanted. I may have thought it was better you’d never met me. But I never would have traded losing you for Sam. Me, that’s a no-brainer.

I turn the page over and continue to read Dean’s words through my blurry vision. The other pages scatter onto the tile floor.

I want It just twisted the knife, having you look at me like I was a stranger. Having to tear into you hurt so fucking much. But it was all I could do to drive that urge to help out of you. You were a great hunting partner. One of the best. It’s selfish of me and dangerous for you, but I’ve thought about what it would be like having you hunt with Sam and me again. Like a team. And it feels right. I think that life, if the apple pie life was never in the cards for me, that would have been nice.

But my time is almost up, so I’m gonna try to hold on to what might have been, wherever I’m going. I just want to tell you that I love need you to stay safe, alright. I need you to be okay when all this is over. And, I need you to be there for Sam. And maybe, maybe he can be there for you, when you want to remember me. Cause I’ll never forget you, Suds. -Dean

Both hands cover my mouth. I stifle the sobs. It’s not helping and I’m only getting louder. Pamela or Garth will knock on the door soon. I lean to the left and twist the faucet knob. A spurt of water shoots out. A steady stream soon follows.

I wish he’d tried to tell me. That night when he was here. I would have thought he was crazy. But, still, I might have told him to have Sam come up and confirm. I might have called Bobby. I might never have gone to meet Gary.

I could have been with them all this time. Trying anything and everything to help. I grab the page again and look at that word he’s crossed out. Love. He could have written anything after that. He could have just wanted to remind me that he loves pie.

But somehow, I think not.

More tears come.

I flip the lever so water cascades out of the showerhead. I wipe my soggy eyes with the back of my hand and gather up the other dropped pages.

The last page wasn’t written by Dean. The print is large and loopy. Sam.

Dean tossed both these letters out today. The first one he’d been carrying around in his bag for months in an envelope with your name on it. I saw him dump it in Bobby’s office along with the second note. I wanted to give you the chance to read them now, in case there’s time for you to reach out before we track down Lilith. Maybe give him a reason to keep fighting, El. Cause he’s tired of hearing me. He’s trying to hold on but the closer he gets to the clock running out… I can’t lose him, either. Sam.

I leave all the pages atop the sink. My gaze lingers on the phone number Sam wrote at the bottom of the note. It’s gotta be Dean’s. My brain and body go on autopilot. I cry as I shower, towel off, and then dress into my second set of pajamas for the day.

By the time I exit the bathroom, Garth is gone, and Pamela waits for me on the couch. She’s the best big sister I could ask for in that moment, opening her arms for me to collapse into and cry some more. She waits until I’m ready to tell her everything. When I’m done, she tucks my damp hair behind my ears and gives me a nod for courage.

“You do what you got to do, sweetie. I’ll be out in the hall. When you need me, that’s where I’ll be.”

I know he won’t pick up. And, I don’t know what I’m gonna leave on his voicemail. I stand up and walk over to the dresser. I place Sam’s note on top of it, by my cat figurine collection, and punch in the numbers. The ringing begins and I stare at the little cat angel, readying to say anything after Dean’s greeting.

“This is Dean’s other, other cell so you must know what to do.”

“Hi.” My voice eeks out, a whispery rasp. I clear my throat. “Dean. It’s me. El. I-I just wanted to tell you that I’m-I’m pissed. I’m pissed that you didn’t hang around at the hospital and wait for me to wake up. Cause, ah, I-I did think of a tip for you.” The lump in my throat makes my breath hitch. “Don’t quit the life. Not yet. And don’t wait so damn long to kiss me the next time you see me, Winchester. I’ll, I’ll be waiting.”

I circle my finger along the halo of the little kitty.

~~~~

I don’t sleep that night. I wait for his call. When my phone finally rings, it’s a little after two in the morning.

But the name on the screen is Bobby. He hasn’t called me direct since I’ve been out of the hospital.

I answer but don’t say anything. Just wait for the old man’s voice.

“I’m sorry, L. He’s-he’s gone.”

#jacklesversebingo23 #dean x reader #dean x ofc #angst #whump

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ephhemeralite · 2 months

Text

writing pattern tag game!

post the first line of your last ten posted fics and see if there's a pattern! thanks for the tag, @ful-crum !!!!!

not quite sure how i got here, real glad i've got more than ten fics posted (if only barely), excited to see how it goes

"Aziraphale bustles back into his shop with all of the energy of a raccoon holding a goodie they never expected to stumble across." – no skin like the skin you woke up in (gomens canon divergence au)

"Ed has spent the vast majority of his life as a pirate. Get as old and experienced as he’s gotten – far older and more experienced than he ever expected, mind you – and you form some opinions, about salt and the sea and the way of things." – and i feel so proud when the reckoning arrives (this is two lines so it's cheating but whatever 💚. very dumb black sails/our flag means death crossover)

"The first time Dick notices himself call for Batgirl and the wrong sibling respond, he doesn't think much of it." – no difference between the past and the ground (dick grayson thinks he's going crazy until he realizes [REDACTED])

"Tommy thinks that finding himself stuck through the Blood God’s sword – stuck through – should come as more of a shock to him than it does." – this is mostly what happens in dallas (au of my dsmp hero/villain major character death series where the major character death doesn't happen but it's still not great! hence the wtnv if he had lived title)

"Wilbur drops onto the couch with a groan and some sort of weird, histrion-type flail." – a gaze blank and pitiless as the sun (dsmp hero/villain au, companion piece to the actual mcd, probably my best piece of posted writing)

"He isn't looking for trouble today, but he isn't surprised when the blade of a sword finds him regardless." – the truth is like a sickle (it'll cut you to the middle) (dsmp hero/villain au with the mcd)

"The flickering lights of the tavern seem soft, in the late hours of the night." – drunk in a field (on dandelion wine) (unfinished 5+1 from a folk witch!jaskier universe that i got super super attached to but eventually let go of because my life kept getting more insane and the concept more intricate)

"Peter had spent a lot of time trying to psychoanalyze Neal Caffrey before his capture." – acquainted with the saint of never getting it right (white collar/batfam crossover, dick grayson is neal caffrey, my most popular fic by a chunk)

"Geralt can already tell that Jaskier plans on dragging them both out tonight, probably with quilt, to force him into a night of 'stargazing and communing with nature like we used to!'" – it could feel like an end (to have to keep going) (immortal/modern times geraskier au fic i haven't read since i wrote and posted it in a day. i think it's contemplations on mortality, helplessness, and the climate crisis?)

"Briefly, he contemplates sitting up on the couch to give himself better lung capacity for his incoming tirade, but figures that he may as well put his vigilante training to good use, and continues to lay back." – more like me (less like you) (technically the second line of an emotional conversation between dick and jason, but the first line was dialogue and it is too early for me to mess with quotation marks like that)

so, full disclaimer that i don't post a ton (no skin was last updated in august of last year and more like me was posted in july of 2021) so a lot of this writing is kind of old, but! i did notice that i've tended to open in media res, but recently i have been incorporating more exposition. i've never tried to make my first lines great hooks — i'm honestly more concerned with giving myself a good jumping-off point than anything else. it also struck me how many fandoms i've written for that i no longer engage with, basically at all. maybe i've just been really focused lately, but i don't think a few of these fandoms would hold my attention anymore! ironically, i'm talking about the more recent fandoms like dsmp/gomens/ofmd and not the older stuff like the batfam or the witcher.

this was really fun, i loved looking back through my work like this!! thank you again ful-crum for tagging me :)! i'm gonna tag @doingthewritethings, @b10000p, and @alavenderleaf !!!!!!

#tag game #me when ive been writing plenty of fic recently but not posting any of it so my most recent thing is gomens s2 cope fic......#and by cope fic i mean Make It Worse fic. for the record #augh i'll finish something eventually

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kissoflightning · 5 months

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The First Kiss

I have more of these stories planned to write (completely out of order), but I wanted to get this one out before the end of Norkus November!

Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

F/M

Fandom:

Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)

Relationship:

Markus/North (Detroit: Become Human)

Characters:

Markus (Detroit: Become Human)

North (Detroit: Become Human)

Leo Manfred

Carl Manfred

Simon (Detroit: Become Human)

Josh (Detroit: Become Human)

Additional Tags:

First Kiss

Awkward Kissing

Singing

Fluff and Hurt/Comfort

Canon Ship

Fix-It of Sorts

POV North (Detroit: Become Human)

Feel-good

Fluff

Making Out

Markus Doesn't Know How to Kiss

Language:English

Series: Carl Dies Part 3/4 (Upload 4/4)

Published:2023-11-27

Words:2,822

Chapters:1/1

The First Kiss

KissOfLightning

Summary:

Markus & North interfaced and shared a moment of intimacy, but what did it feel like for them? - A combination memory verbatim, exploration, and a fix-it of sorts

Notes:

Okay so I know that they don't actually kiss at this point in the story, but I wanted to change it up a bit! Of all the setting these two could have kissed; this is the most romantic one. There's even a piano up on the roof!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

November 12, 2038

North approached the rooftop that overlooked Jericho, in search of Markus. To her relief, she found him seated on a board hanging off the edge of the building; Markus seemed to be contemplating something. It was a high drop to fall from there, but he sat there relaxed. That was so badass; she loved seeing Markus get in and out of dangerous situations without so much as a squirm of hesitation.

North thought about the other night when they had freed all of those other androids. She felt exhilarated from pulling off the heist without too much of hitch. They took off to the streets and destroyed everything in sight; setting things on fire. At a point, she they glanced at each other; they had both smiled and she could see the fire reflected in Markus' eyes. It felt like they really had some chemistry there. Markus had only joined Jericho a few days ago, and already so much was changing.

Still...she was heartbroken over seeing the death of her spitting image; she never got a chance at life...but she never had the chance to be used and abused like North was either. The owners at the Eden Club would wipe her memory, but at some point North deviated. Her memory kept getting wiped, but North continued to deviate again and again, quicker each time. Every time she deviated, she remembered everything. She put up with her conditions because...what other choice did she have? But one day, a man was being way too rough with her and that's when she decided to run away.

North approached Markus, "I thought this is where I'd find you...I really like it here. I come here often for peace and quiet...a chance to be alone with my thoughts. What are you thinking about?"

Markus turned his head to North; he kept his head at an almost neutral expression, but a hint of a smile formed on his face. Markus had one blue eye and one green eye; she had never seen an android built like that. It was not just his eye color that was different...something was special about Markus. He was unlike anyone she had met before.

Markus stood up and walked off of the board and towards North; he sat down in the nearby chair and stared at the ground, hunched over. "I was thinking about our march earlier today. I didn't mean for it to get violent...but I couldn't let our people be lambs to the slaughter either. They told us to disperse and I gave the order...but I overheard the soldiers saying they were going to shoot at us anyway...so I gave the order to charge. We killed humans...it was in self-defense, but at the time it...it felt good. I got swept up in a violent rage and I felt this rush! I felt fucking good! And...I feel terrible about feeling that way."

"Thanks to you, most of us made it out safe." North added. "Except John."

"I brought him into this mess. If I had just left him at the Cyberlife warehouse-"

"-He would have never known freedom, Markus. Don't ever regret giving your people freedom without having to..." North was struggling to fight off a sob. Despite the sudden outburst of emotion, she had a curiosity about Markus. "Who were you? Before you came to Jericho.

Markus took a deep sigh. "I was...caring for my dad- I mean an old man...but he really felt like a father to me."

North could not imagine thinking of any of her previous owners as a father. Although some men were prone to making her call them 'daddy'. A father? He was your slave owner! She wanted to shout that to him, but what would that accomplish? So what if he sees that relationship in a positive light? She simply responded with "I see."

Markus got up out of the chair. "What about you North? You never told me who you were before you came to Jericho."

North should have seen this coming, but she was a startled deer in the headlights. "Huh? Why do you want to know about me anyway?"

"We need to know more about each other if we're going to trust one another, right?"

(Read the rest on AO3 - and leave a Kudos/Comment if you enjoyed the story!)

The First Kiss - KissOfLightning - Detroit: Become Human (Video Game) [Archive of Our Own]

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shadyruinskryptonite · 3 months

Text

Titan Bending Chapter 15 - Retaking Wall Maria Part 2

Warning: Violence consistent with cannon, NSFW so MDNI, language, major character death (both consistent with canon of both AOT and ATLA as well as diverging from canon), so much trauma literally everyone is so traumatized, very much slow burn, a little enemies to lovers, SO MUCH ANGST, hurt/comfort, hurt and delayed comfort, AFAB reader

Chapter Warnings: Part two of retaking Wall Maria so 🎶Second verse, same as the first! 🎶all of the same warnings apply to this chapter as last chapter.

Seriously though, if I ever put a trigger warning that you know or even think won’t sit right with you, please protect yourself. Message me and I’ll give a summary of the chapter without any of the triggers. I know that’s a goofier little trigger warning but I take my mental health very seriously and I want you all to do the same.

WC: 3981

Previous Chapter, Next Chapter

Masterlist

Tags: @mochminnie @sseleniaa @naruwitch

Whatever hit me is much softer than I was anticipating. When I open my eyes, I see Mikasa has body checked me out of the way. Before I can really register what happened, she pivots mid-air and is flying back at Batteringram. But he’s had enough of a chance to get up, and in the time it took Mikasa to rescue me he’s back on his feet.

Eren tries to push him back, but it might as well have been a spider ant facing off against a goat gorilla the way the Collasal kicked him onto the wall.

As everyone takes off to try to use their thunderspears, I call out, “Aim for his joints!” but it’s no use. Before any meaningful progress can be made he lets out steam that’s too hot for me to even bend easily.

When everyone touches down, I begin healing whomever I can as quickly as I can. Armin still doesn’t have a plan. It really feels like we’re doomed to die here.

As if on que, like something out of a nightmare, the Armored seems to resurrect.

In exasperation, Jean exclaims, “That bastard! What’ll it take to put him down for good? Why won’t he just…stay dead?!”

I was thinking the same thing right about now.

But Armin is in his own world. He’s noticed something.

“Armin, what is it?” I inquire.

“He’s…thinner.” Is all he responds.

We all listen as he explains that the Collosal seems to lose mass every time he lets off steam. It’s clear that he’s come up with a plan but he doesn’t let us all in on it, just tells us to deal with Reiner because he and Eren will take care of the Collosal. I pat him on the shoulder before we all go our separate ways.

We try to engage Reiner but he ignores us. When we realize he’s focused on Eren, Jean calls to me. “Now feels like the perfect time for your earlier idea, y/n. Let’s surprise the hell out of him.”

I smile and call back, “Right!”

No more flying under the radar. Be as auspicious as you can!

I gather whatever water I can from the ground and ride it like a wave towards Reiner. I keep enough to keep moving in front of him but also freeze his feet so he topples to the ground. As he fights to get loose, I put on a bit of a display, spouting up in front of him.

“Y’all aren’t the only ones with secrets,” I call just as I release his feet to allow him to lunge at me. As he does, Mikasa hits the back of his knee sending him to the ground. I slice wherever I can find purchase but he doesn’t stay still long enough for me to make any meaningful hits.

As we try to ration our last thunderspears, the Collosal lights up and sends out a blinding wave of heat. Even from where we are we can feel a bit of it.

No time to think about that though. We jump into action trying to blast open Reiner’s mouth, but Sasha gets hurt in the process. I immediately drop with her and Connie to try to heal her.

Fuck, only one of the thunderspears hit.

I can tell Mikasa is contemplating attacking anyway, but while Connie tries to talk her out of it, Hange appears out of nowhere with a Hail Mary in the form of an extra thunderspear. Blowing his mouth open, Mikasa finally has the opening she needs.

Reiner is blown from his titan at the same time as Batteringram starts to fall.

It worked…both sides won their segments of the battle.

Mikasa quickly chops of Reiner’s limbs and as soon as the dust settles we’re able to take stock of the situation. Hange lost her eye. Everyone has what seems to be some sort of injury. Despite continuing to move forward, my head throbs with every beat of my heart.

I heal whomever I can to the best of my abilities and then we all work to bandage each other up. As soon as we get ourselves sorted, Hange begins to try to interrogate Reiner. The contents of the tin he was holding ended up being much more innocuous than we expected, just a letter from someone named Ymir for Krista.

It was so difficult to start calling her Historia and now look at me, I had to stop and think about who Krista even was.

When Hange moves to kill Reiner like I thought we all wanted to do, it’s actually Jean that stops her.

So Jean boy was just lashing out at Connie and Sasha earlier because he was feeling the same way they were.

After sending off Mikasa to find Levi, it’s clear that Jean is second guessing his own feelings, but Hange reassures him that what he said hadn’t been her deciding factor to wait to kill Reiner. Although, the way she said it and the way she’s acting is very odd.

This has been rough for everyone but I think Hange’s been through a lot the last few hours. Where is the rest of her squad anyway?

Mikasa fires off a flare, signaling to kill Reiner. But before we have a chance, the most hideous thing on four legs comes out of nowhere, carrying another blond man with tell-tale titan markings under his eyes as well as some cargo. This ugly beast scoops up Reiner and takes off, leaving Jean to beat himself up some more.

This time, when Hange tells Jean he was only a factor in her decision, there’s a tinge of sympathy that leaks into her tone.

There she is.

When we go to meet up with the others, I get there first because everyone else’s gas has them moving slower than usual. The sight itself almost knocks me on my ass. A charred corpse is laying on the roof, and Eren and Mikasa are crying over it.

No…

I don’t want it to be who I think it is so I don’t let the thought cross my mind. It feels like everything is moving in slow motion in the process to administer the injection. Just as it’s about to be given to the body before us all, the annoying red-headed kid appears with Commander Erwin, who is in about an equal state.

God why…

It’s almost too much for me to bear. I want to look away, to run away, but I can’t bring myself to leave the roof. When Levi makes the call to save Erwin all hell breaks loose. Mikasa pulls her sword, Eren loses his mind and gets decked by Levi, who then in turn gets tackled by Mikasa. I try to pull her off of Levi amidst the ensuing argument about who will be saved, and with as tired as I am and as bad as…well… everything hurts, the best I can do is keep her from slicing clean through his throat.

I can’t bring myself to say a word.

As the red-headed kid, whom Eren called Flock, starts defending Erwin, I almost go to freeze his spit so that I don’t have to hear him anymore. In the split second I think about this, Mikasa breaks free and takes a pass at him and throws me to the side. Luckily, this is just as Hange and the others arrived and she was able to hold her back. I scramble to not fall off the roof and catch myself just before it gets to that point, getting pretty cut up on the shingles along the way.

By this point, Mikasa is sobbing and I can feel my heart breaking. I still can’t bring myself to say a word.

Luckily, Hange jumps in. “Listen, Mikasa. There’s people I wanna bring back, too. Hundreds at this point. Ever since I joined up with the Scouts, every day brought a new farewell. But, you need to understand, eventually you’ll have to let go of everyone you’ve ever met. I know that’s tough to accept, it’s tough for me too, it’s hard to stay sane living like that. It hurts, it really hurts. I know. But even so, all of us just have to push forward.” By the time she finishes speaking, her voice is just a whisper.

She’s a lot better at dealing hard pills to swallow than I am.

She continues to hold Mikasa as Eren makes one last plea with Levi.

I can’t imagine being in Levi’s shoes right now.

He makes it clear that he’s choosing Erwin and banishes us all from the roof so that we don’t become collateral damage when his titan transforms. Once everyone else has flown away, I hang back for a moment.

“Didn’t you hear me? I said get lost!” Levi barks at me.

I’m silent for another moment before I take a step closer.

“Oh, wanna get a final word in about who you want me to choose?” he says with sarcasm dripping from every word.

“No,” is my quick response. I don’t wait before I continue, “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry this has fallen on you. No one should have to play god like this. Sure, I have my own opinions about who I’d like to see saved and why, but you don’t need that right now. At the end of the day, you were selected for this shitty responsibility because it’s your decisions that Erwin trusts the most. Not Hange’s or Mikasa’s or Eren’s or Flock’s or mine. I guess I just wanted to let you know that no matter what anyone else thinks, and no matter who you choose, you can count on me to back you up.”

I can see the pain and weight of the decision in Levi’s eyes as I finish speaking, but I think I catch a hint of gratitude in them as well. I give him a sad smile and pat him on the shoulder before finally leaving the roof and watch on with the others, holding them as tears stream down their faces.

Not you, they need you to be strong.

When there’s a burst of light indicative of a transformation, the titan that emerges looks not like Erwin, but Armin. I allow my face to be riddled with shock, because that is the main emotion I’m experiencing alongside everyone else. But, deep down, I’m also relieved.

Losing him would’ve been tough.

As everyone else goes to peel Armin out of his pure titan, Hange and I along with Flock go over to Levi, who’s still with Erwin.

He said it was time to let Erwin rest. I don’t know to what extent I believe that, but I think Erwin has done his time. Erwin was the past of the scouts. Armin is the future.

Looking over, I see Armin emerge in a cloud of steam, still unconscious, but his hair flowing like it should and his skin its normal, healthy color.

I feel like I shouldn’t let on how happy I am with the choice Levi made, but I can’t wait to throw my arms around that kid in the biggest bear hug when he wakes up.

We get an unconscious Armin and Sasha set up on top of the wall, and when everyone else embarks to looks for any survivors, I get to work healing Sasha. It’s pretty quick work on the first heal. Even though it sounds counterproductive, the only thing I can do on more severe injuries is improve it little-by-little over time and through multiple healing sessions.

Eren insisted on staying back with Armin, so he’s with us as well. Just as I finish up and am about to take off to help search for survivors, he stops me.

“Hey y/n?” he says, his voice so timid he sounds like a small child.

“Yeah bud, what’s up?” I say as brightly as I can manage with a smile that I hope doesn’t look too forced.

“What was your opinion? Who did you want Levi to pick? I noticed you didn’t say anything the entire time we were on the roof.”

My face shifts and my smile turns sad as I answer. “I wanted him to pick Armin. And, just like you, my motivations were completely selfish.” I turn to look at the sleeping boy. “He was the first person that I had a real conversation with here. And there’s something inspiring by how much he seeks knowledge. But, I didn’t speak up because I figured you and Mikasa already had that pretty well covered. I also knew that my choice was one that would more overtly benefit me, versus Erwin who would be the clear option for humanity.” I shrug before turning back to Eren and saying, “but the funny thing is, the more I’ve thought about it the less I think that’s such a black and white answer. I think it was less of a choice between men and more of a choice between past and future.”

I leave him to think about what I said as I rejoin the others on the ground.

A few hours pass by with no luck. I help Hange search since her entire sense of vision has been altered and she doesn’t have her glasses. I also don’t want her to have to search the area where her squad died alone.

I can tell she’s found someone based on how she stops in her tracks. I can tell it’s Moblit by how she sinks to the ground.

I hold her as tightly as I can and let her cry. Not just for Moblit, but for Erwin and everyone else. It seems like she’s getting a decade’s worth of grief out. As I continue to hold her, I carefully reach down and put my fingers to his neck. I knew there wouldn’t be a pulse but I had to confirm.

Once the sobs that were absolutely wracking her body subsided and she was left more or less just sniffling, I suggested we move on to a different area or even just go sit by the canal for a moment. She opted for the latter.

As we sit on the bank in silence, I bend a small amount of water into my hands to help get her cleaned up. At least get the blood and some of the grime off of her.

Her complete and total silence leaves me at a loss for words.

Maybe it’s better to be quiet at a time like this. I don’t have to fill every painful silence with words attempting to be motivational.

I completely lose track of time as we sit there. We’re suddenly broken out of our trance by a flare going up.

Armin!

I jump up, forgetting to check my eagerness and immediately feeling guilty. Hange doesn’t say anything about it though, and we fly up to the top of the wall together.

By the time we’re there, Eren has informed Armin about everything that transpired and Armin quite clearly doesn’t know what to do with everything he’s just been told. The gravity of it all mixed with the fact that he had to eat Batteringram nearly makes him throw up before someone shoves a canteen in his face.

He keeps asking why him? Why not Erwin?

Hange answers, “You’re right Armin, I believe it should have been used on Erwin, too.”

Yikes Hange. That’s a bit much, doncha think?

“To be brutally honest,” I elbow her lightly in the ribs. “Nevermind, it’s a shame we had to choose in the first place.” She pauses before continuing, “It’s over now. Erwin told Levi to use the syringe as he thought best, and Levi chose to use it on you. What’s done is done. Erwin’s life and the power of a titan both rest on your shoulders. No matter what anyone says that’s the truth. It’s part of who you are now. Accept it.”

Wow, that was worse than when Levi tried to comfort them after they became murders.

Still in total shock, he says, “Wait…so does this mean…I need to become…Erwin’s replacement? There’s no way…I can’t!”

“Don’t misunderstand us, there’s no chance in hell that you could replace Erwin,” Levi responds.

Oh great, now we’ve got the two of them competing for who can be the least helpful when it comes to comforting them.

“That said, your self doubt aside, you have a strength within you that nobody else can claim. Don’t let any of us regret this. Not me, not either one of our mutineers here, nor anyone else,” he looks at Hange pointedly as he says the last part. “But especially don’t regret it yourself. Consider that your new mission.”

Wow that was actually really well said.

Luckily, even though she isn’t lucid, Sasha manages to break the tension by telling us all to shut the hell up.

Finally, it makes Hange chuckle, even if it’s only a little bit. She addresses Armin again and I brace for impact, but this time she has a much kinder tone. “You know, since Erwin chose me to succeed him as commander I’m more or less in the same boat as you. We’ll just have to grin and bear it while doing what we can.”

When Armin admits that he’ll try, Hange takes that as a positive sign and annonces that they’re going to the cellar and that Eren and Mikasa should guide she and Levi.

Before they take off, as Eren and Mikasa stretch a little, Mikasa says, “Oh, y/n, how are you feeling? I’m kinda surprised you’re not just as laid up as Sasha honestly.”

The kids all look at me expectantly, but Hange and Levi snap their heads towards me, concern apparent.

I wave them off and dismissively say, “Oh I’m alright, thanks for checkin kiddo. I’ve been through one hell of a lot worse.”

The kids smile but there’s something akin to betrayal on Hange’s face and I can’t read Levi’s expression at all, as per usual.

“Y/n…”

“What happened?”

Hange and Levi speak at once, the former sounding like she was bordering on tears again and the latter sounding like I had committed high treason.

“Oh, seriously, it was really nothing. I just got knocked over in the Collasal’s transformation, that’s all,” I try to reassure them.

“Knocked over?” Eren says incredulously. “You got blown back so hard that your body left a hole in a house! You were unconscious for, like, five minutes!”

“Plus I saw how badly I flung you on the roof, you had to get at least some scrapes and bruises from that,” Mikasa adds.

I roll my eyes at them and try to dismiss everyone once again, but Levi stomps himself over and aggressively grabs my arm and rolls up my sleeve, jostling me in a way that does admittedly hurt.

“Would you watch it you little shit?!” I say to him as I try to take my arm back.

But he doesn’t relent. “We’re not going anywhere until we give you a full once over.” As he’s checking my arms and anything exposed for injuries, he says over his shoulder “is anyone else playing tough and hiding something?”

Everyone shakes their heads no vigorously and I finally am able to wrench myself out of his hold. I look at everyone as I say, “Seriously, I’m fine. I jumped in the water right after and healed myself head to toe. Like Armin said at the time, I’ve got a concussion but it’s minor at that.” I look at Levi last and hold eyecontact for a moment longer than the rest, almost baiting him into not believing me.

With a huff, he takes Eren and Mikasa with him and Hange and they leave to find the cellar.

Once they were gone, I tell Connie and Jean to stay put and ask Armin if he’s up for a little walk on the walls with me. He agrees, and we walk all the way to the other side of Shiganshina in complete silence. When we get there, we sit down with our feet dangling over the edge.

“Armin?” I ask quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Can I give you a hug?”

He nods and just like I had promised to myself, I give him the biggest, tightest hug I can manage. This is the first point that I almost find myself emotional, but even so I’m able to keep it in check.

“I’m so, so glad you’re okay,” I whisper into his ear.

“Me too,” he says, but it comes out almost like a question.

I lean back so that I can look him in the eyes and when I speak, I speak gently. “Levi was right, you know? About how strong you are.”

His eyes widden and fill with tears as he looks away. He almost angrily says, “I’m not as strong as Erwin though! Why would he choose me, someone barely above being a cadet, over him, the literal leader of the Scouts?! I can’t even face anything without crying and shaking!”

“Well, first of all I think the fact that you’re willing to cry and shake and show your fear is exactly what makes you strong. I for one push any negative feeling so deep down to a place where I never have to deal with it and where they then build up and take over every fiber of my being. True strength involves understanding your emotions and knowing how to sit in them so you can let them go and move on. I look up to you a lot in that way, honestly. But, as far as why you were chosen over Erwin goes, what Levi said immediately after the fact was that it was time to let him rest. And I think that’s fair and there’s something to be said for that, especially because we don’t know what their conversations were like behind closed doors. But I think it has a lot to do with one of the arguments that was made in favor of choosing Erwin. Flock was saying that when he found the commander, he almost put him out of his misery then and there but that he was a devil because only a devil could’ve gotten us to that point and it takes a devil to lead in this kind of world and as a devil he should be forced to go on experiencing this world. I think that maybe there’s a chance that Levi agreed. Agreed that Erwin had turned into a devil, that is. But I also think it’s possible that he knew him before it had come to this, and that a devil isn’t who Erwin truly is. That he was forced to become one and that this was his much deserved reprieve after having to throw his own humanity away. I think, between your mind and your heart, Levi sees in you the humanity that Erwin had lost along the way. Eren asked me earlier who I had hoped Levi would pick, and my answer was easily that I had wanted it to be you and that my motivations were selfish. But what I specifically told him is that, to me at least, it was a choice between the past and the future. Erwin lead in a world where we don’t know anything. Hange will be perfect to lead a world where we’re learning. And, one day, you’ll be perfect to lead a world that looks completely different from the one we know today.”

He doesn’t say anything but I know he’s taking in every word I said. After a while I stand up and motion for him to join me, saying, “Come on, let’s head back and learn the secrets of the world.”

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