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#i told them i didn't want to be out late

sga-owns-my-soul · 8 months

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ignore this but i need to fucking vent bc i'm in tears in a fucking university and i really need to just. fucking.

my friends asked me to come rock climbing and i said maybe, and then said i wouldn't go bc i'm exhausted and have to be up early for work, and they said we could do something else after they go rock climbing, so i was like ok fine i guess we can go for a drink. and i was gonna meet them at the restaurant but they said they'd come pick me up first and then they BRING ME

TO THE FUCKING ROCK WALL

THAT I CANT EVEN WAIT INSIDE WITHOUT PAYING ADMISSION

so now i'm sitting alone in the hallway of a random fucking university with tears in my eyes bc my friends decided to fuck all our plans over last minute and NOT FUCKING TELL ME and now i'm over an hour and a half away from home and i'm so fucking miserable and mad and upset and i just. wanna scream

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cinna-bunnie · 8 months

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i had a fun day 2 day ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა everyone has been so nicey 2 me all day from the minute i left my house earlier ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡⁠

i went to a Retreat for the first time for work earlier 0: and I did SO good for being up since 2am it didn't even feel like it 💀

it was so chill i drove like an hour away but Away from the city so there wasn't rly traffic and the mountains r so pretty 2 drive thru (❁´◡`❁) got some rain n v low clouds and since it's autumn there's all these pretty colors. i took an edible on the way n was just jammin out n enjoying the scenery among the many safe opportunities 2 look

and then at the thing we got 2 do different ice breakers n go on decently long breaks; i got 2 hang in different groups n actually Talk w a bunch of ppl which i never have time for omg. it's nice working at a legal nonprofit, i would NOT want to do this with corporate mfs !! 😹

went around n said hii to the enbies and i ran up a hill that looked a lot smaller than it was, i made it like 80% of the way before my legs were immediately like no girl we're done !! but my brain was like but it's Right There, and i struggled 2 finish the climb but I Did !! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა and i was so so tired i do not remember ever being that winded before 💀 getting down was so much slower n worse bc my legs were Done and when i finally made it to the bottom i laid flat on my back for like 15m, and when when i made it back to sit n chill i still need like 10 more minutes akskska. i do not b exercising !! i just wanted 2 play it looked fun and i got excited (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

in between things i was working on my sister's choker n kept winding up w a group of ppl around me 2 talk to about it and just talk 2 in general n the company was rly nice (❁´◡`❁) ♡ had a lot of different kinda talks 2day!! everyone is a sweetie!! some ppl r so funny n chill and i rly hope 2 get 2 talk more casually w people perhaps As Friends when i go in 👉👈

there's one girl in particular who is rly cute n sweet and i want 2 see her again ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა when I got home finally i had 2 hop on my work laptop real quick 2 look up her name again 2 make sure i didn't forget ☝️😌 we do not work at the same office but hii i am visiting next week 🐇

yippee!!!! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა !!!

#i think i have become an introverted extrovert at some point 0:#which is rly nice bc my social anxiety was SO bad at the beginning of the year like i didn't even know where to start skskdksk #but i kinda figured it out? but it's also just being me? idk.. much 2 think. but i made good progress #i am getting a good grade in being funny and nice and talking to people !!#i want 2 kiss someone on the forehead #omg but if there's ANYONE who deserves a kiss it's this old lady who lives a few buildings down on the way to my car #where EVERY time i see her she always has something so so sweet to tell me about how i look #today she said I'm always looking fancy (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) ♡⁠ and more but that's the main thing i remember besides the small talk #and the first time we met she asked me if i was a model fr and she's told me I'm cute and I'm just like PLEASE SKDKDKS #i can't fully tell if you're just really sweet or kinda 👀 at me but girl u r so sweet like hello do u Want a hug or a kiss ?? i love u !!#old ladies have a warmth they fill u with that just take the weight of Everything off ur shoulders n leave u feeling full n happy!!#bless old ladies fr!! literally my favorite people to interact with always i love u abuelas everywhere u r everything to me and i would do #anything for u !!!! i miss getting to help friends grandmas w stuff as a kid 🥺 it was just always great 2 talk 2 them and be close n on #good terms n stuff :3 i was the same way with their moms hehe. hi hello i want 2 help !! (⁠✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚)#my friend is being lame and acting embarrassed but i love you please talk to me i am so so interested and think you're really #cool and funny and sweet and wise actually ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡⁠ i wanna be around u if u wanna hang out #even if it's as simple as getting 2 help in the kitchen n always helping w dishes n stuff ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა aaa ♡⁠#omg i was late 2 the thing too and missed the breakfast and there's this sweet energetic old lady who's always like #omg u didn't get to eat? do u want this? can i get you some coffee or tea? and I'm always just like no no it's okay I'm gonna get it but #appreciate the offer and just ૮ – ﻌ–ა she is always looking out 4 me !! but she's just a sweetie like that !!#i think sharing food is a universally good way 2 make friends and it always warms my heart 2 meet ppl who r the same (❁´◡`❁)#they r always so so sweet 😭🥰 for my astrology girlies i correctly guessed that she's a taurus hehe 😼#there's another old lady who's an office manager for one of the offices n she is so soft spoken n sweet and i wish i got 2 hug her n talk #to her more 🥺 she's so far though omg i don't get to see her in person much #n e ways i work w some really warm bubbly ppl ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა i am a happy girlie 2day!! then im going Serious Mode again tmrw 🫡#oo i get to setup like an Actual server for a rack w linux and it's being delivered 2 my place tomorrow 0: I'm excited abt it as a project #AND my new jewelry came in today along w some cute underwear we r starting this wk off strong !!!#there was so so much more frm 2day i am just rly stoned n thinking abt it all (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠)#if u actually read all of my ramble ily ty for letting me Talk ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა ♡⁠

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robindrake93 · 26 days

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Before he died, my grandpa was telling people that I was a ghost writer.

He knew that I wrote constantly, watched me do it for decades, and he knew that I was somehow making money online with my writing.

What I was actually doing most of the time was writing fan fiction; something he did not know existed and since most of my fics are explicit, I didn't think he'd want to know. (although considering most of the books he read were steamy historical romances, he might not have cared too much)

I had also set up a patreon for original fiction, which I think I explained poorly when telling him about. "People pay me money to read what I write per chapter" was probably how I explained it. Which is accurate but that's not a model of reading that he's familiar with.

Given the circumstances and his limited knowledge, I'd say his guess was pretty good.

#personal #mine #I don't normally make posts about my family #but I've been thinking about my grandpa a lot lately #and he told his side of the family that i was a ghost writer #i couldn't figure out why he would think that but it came to me suddenly #my grandpa loved romance books and I didn't realize it until after he died and i googled the authors #i inherited his romance novel collection #i think he went with historical romances because the covers werent overtly sexy #he was hiding that part of himself and i know this because of how my grandma reacted when i told her that all of his books were romances #it was negatively btw #he was secretly a romantic all along #he planted roses in our yard even though my grandma didn't want them #because he liked roses #my grandma dug them out after he died but they grew back in #truly a sign from beyond the grave that his roses were to stay #anyway I'm not sad he's dead but I do wonder about the person he would have been if he didn't feel like he had to hide

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safyresky · 9 months

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Always

Summary: During their stay with the Amazons, Dite asks Jacqueline an (admittedly loaded) question. Or: The day Jacqueline fell very very hard for Dite and had 0 idea for a solid 300 years.

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"Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?" Jacqueline blinked once, very slowly, before coming back down to earth. "Oh! Yeah, absolutely. What's up?"

Dite bit her lip, pulling her braid forward and petting it. She frowned, her wings fluttering anxiously. "So like, it's a bit of a weird question. Maybe. Um, I think maybe you may not want to answer it? I think it's crossing a few boundaries but like. These past few months with you have been really, really fun!"

Jacqueline laughed. "I like that your idea of fun involves a whole lot of violence."

"We're learning ancient fighting techniques from the Amazons themselves! It's GREAT knowledge to have and absolutely EYE OPENING and we are rocking these outfits!"

"I like the detail in the chest plates," Jacqueline said, poking hers. There were swirls and ferns all over it, snowflakes twirling about at the edges of the details. "And there's some cool tricks we're learning too!"

"YEAH! It's FUN!" Dite said, hands up in the air, wings mirroring her.

Jacqueline laughed, loudly and from the heart. Her eyes lit up; the wind gently blew her loose hairs back, the thawed tresses lifting in the breeze.

"I've seen this whole different side of you," Dite sighed, looking up fondly and stretching out her legs. The waves crashed on the shore, the surf almost hitting their feet. "It's so…free! And full of joy! I never knew you were this…happy?"

"You said that like it was a question."

"It’s not the word I wanted. It's just…whenever we’ve met at work, when you got back from um. Your…"

"Recovery?"

"Is that what it was?"

Jacqueline looked thoughtful for a moment, shrugging. "You could say that, yeah. That and being like, way too small to go to important meetings like that on my own."

"You’re still small."

Snow hit her leg; she laughed, grabbing what she could before it melted and plopping it right on the sprite's head.

The sprite laughed, grinning up at the goddess beside her. A big, toothy grin that stretched from ear to ear. She lifted her hand, a pile of snow appearing in her palm, and plopped it on top of her head.

"Plop!" she said, still wearing that goofy grin.

Dite laughed. "Is that even comfortable?"

"Is for me! Cold doesn't bug me at all," she said with a warm smile, the snow already melting down her back.

"You’re so silly. And goofy! I like that a lot! I like that I got to meet this side of you. You’re always so…reserved during summits, and during our legate meetings, you’re not as reserved but you’re still a little. Y'know. Cautious, I guess. But here, as we've been hanging out and learning and vacationing sort of, it's this whole new you I've met! But like, it's not a new you. I think it actually is you and you’re very careful to guard your you. What I'm trying to say is, I think you're the most fun person I have ever met and I cannot express enough how much it means to me that you shared yourself with me!"

Jacqueline blinked, feeling her face getting very hot as she flushed. AGAIN. What was it about this girl that made her get all blushy and uncomfortably warm? She felt like she was gonna burst into flames.

"Oh, I've flustered you again, haven't I? I'm sorry."

"It’s okay! I'm not very…I don’t really…um. I don’t have a lot of friends? Most of them have died because, y'know, humans and stuff," she scratched the back of her neck, frowning thoughtfully. "I think that takes a toll after a while, you know? And it gets easier, but also…it doesn't. And I'm not. I don't. It's. Hmm. I don’t have a bad rep, but I'm kinda stuck under a not so great one and a lot of magibeans tend to uh, assume the worst. But you…you don't! You didn't. There's only been one other person in my life who's done that, and it still kinda throws me off every so often."

"Oh?" Dite asked, trying to ignore the little itty bitty pang of jealousy that suddenly turned up. "Who's that?"

"Bernard? Santa's arch elf?"

"Oh! He's nice! I like him," she said with a fond smile. "You're friends?"

"I think so! I'd say we hang out a lot but like, mostly I go bother him when I'm feeling down or something crazy happens that I'm too afraid to tell my parents about," she said, pulling her legs up and hugging them. "He's always been very sweet and nice with me, and lately he's been snarky and I'm kind of liking it, actually! It's different! More fun."

Dite was relieved to feel it wasn't in a like-like way (pros to being Cupid's Legate and also daughter, she suspected). "Banter's fun."

"It kind of is!"

In the distance, the clatter of swords on shields rang out. The waves kept crashing, seagulls squawking high above them.

"Why are you alone?" she asked, pulling up her own legs.

"What do you mean?"

Dite let out a puff of air, her breath blowing a stray hair off her face. "They didn't tell us what happened. Just that something had happened, and we wouldn't be seeing you for a bit. Then you came back from your recovery, and you were alone. Forgive me if I'm crossing boundaries; I don’t mean to. And maybe I'm way off base with where we're at, and I shouldn't ask at all! But I'm gonna. The question I wanted to ask you was about all…that. What happened?"

Somehow, the sprite managed to make herself even tinier. She hugged her legs tighter, burrowing her nose between her knees. She looked so sad; so hurt.

Dite immediately felt a pang of regret.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked! I didn’t mean to ruin the mood."

"Oh, it's okay," Jacqueline replied. "You didn't bring down the mood." She shifted her head, forehead still on her arms, but eyes looking right into Dite's now. "My brother left."

"Oh," Dite said.

"Yeah. From what I've been told, it was probably a long time coming. Nobody thought it'd be as…explosive as it was, though. He got into a big fight with our Dad, and our Mom had to separate them. Elements went flying. Stuff was freezing. He whipped up this MAHOOSIVE storm," she leaned back, throwing her arms to the sides, palms out. "It tanked all of Crystal Springs for like, a week. Transportation was out all around."

"That must've been scary."

"I imagine it was. You see, um. I was a little bit unconscious. A lot maybe."

"Oh?"

"If you hear about what happened the day he left, everyone will tell you about the big old storm. It was bad! Ice storms are the nastiest. They freeze everything all while causing whiteout conditions. You can't see or go anywhere and the wind makes drifts and it's sucky conditions all around."

"Even for someone like you?"

"Actually they're kinda fun for someone like me. But this one wasn't. They talk about the storm all the time; and there were a couple of casualties. They were all healed, of course," she added quickly, sticking out a hand as if to reassure.

"Of course. The Springs."

Her fingers curled in; she brought her hand right back to her side. "Right. Yes. The Springs. Healed them. Once they were accessible, of course. And most everyone was able to handle their injuries until then."

"Nobody died."

"Somebody almost did."

"Who?"

Jacqueline looked over at Dite, a tinge of fear in her eyes.

"You?!"

She nodded.

"Oh no," Dite said, breathlessly. She put her hand up to her mouth, eyes wide and watery.

"Are you crying?"

"Not yet," she blubbered. "What happened? Are you okay? You almost died?!"

"Not yet," she repeated with a laugh, pulling her hair forward. She reached up, her fingers gently making their way through the braid and taking it apart. It was already falling; her hair did not like staying back. "I got caught in the crossfire."

"You went after him?"

She nodded. "I was small, you know? I had no idea what was going on but I knew that sometimes he'd do bad things. And it seemed like this was one of those times. It got really loud downstairs and he was late for our snow date so I went to see what was happening and found the downstairs hall an absolute ice rink, and Mom and Dad in the kitchen, hurt. Not moving. Awake! Talking, but stuck. My brother left. I followed him out. Words were said, and he hurt me."

"Not with words."

"No. I mean they hurt too, of course. But no." She sighed, her hand absentmindedly drifting to her midsection. "They've taught us about all sorts of weaponry here. Your bracelet is so full of charms now," she pointed to it, Dite lifting her wrist. The charms clinked together. "But they haven't taught us about one of the most dangerous weapons. Ice. I can shape it into anything," she said, a glowing palm coming up.

In it, a solid cube appeared. "I can make it round. Square. Soft. Hard..." As she spoke, the ice in her palm shifted, matching the shapes she was listing, and then the textures. "Sharp."

In her hand, the ice shifted; it poked outwards, growing sharp. "And if it's sharp enough, and thrown with enough force, well…"

Lifting her arm the way they had been taught with the javelins just last week, she launched the icicle. It hit the ground with a sharp shtick, sticking itself deep into the sand. It twanged, briefly shuddering before stilling and beginning to melt.

"He stabbed you."

"Three times."

"Oh god."

"I know. One minute I was looking up at him, telling him not to go, not to leave me. The next, a glow; then something sharp, and then everything went black. Next thing I knew, I was waking up in the Springs, looking into my mom's eyes. I've never heard her sob the way she did when I woke up. I've also never been squished as hard as I was by her after that."

Dite giggled. Her eyes widened. "Oh! I'm so sorry I should not have laughed--"

"It’s okay. I like your laugh. And it is kind of funny. The squishy bit, not the stabby bit."

"No, that's not funny at all!"

"I've got some sick scars now," she said. "You've seen them, I'm sure."

"I had noticed them, yeah. Gosh, I'm so sorry, Jacqueline. That's…a lot. And you were so small!"

"Apparently I still am," she joked, a thumb idly flicking away the wet under her eyes.

"You may be tiny but you are so, so tall to me. I mean, to go through all that, and do everything you've done to get here to this point? To survive? That's amazing."

"You think?"

"I know."

The lapsed into silence again. Dite's right wing hovered above Jacqueline, the goddess thoughtful.

"Do you miss him?"

Jacqueline stilled.

Dite glanced her way, concerned she had maybe turned herself to ice. But she hadn’t! She had just stopped idly swaying. Tears filled her eyes, trailing down her cheeks.

"So much," she admitted, the rest of the words smothered under a sob that clawed its way up her throat.

Dite's wing fell, encompassing the sprite and pulling her close. She shuffled in the sand, moving closer to Jacqueline and throwing her arms around her, bringing her in tightly. She did what her Mom did whenever Dite felt down; rubbed her back gently. Kept her wings around them. Murmured nice things in her ear like there there, let it all out. That's it. You'll feel better after a good cry, and so on.

The sprite uncurled, burying herself in Dite's chest plate. Droplets of wet began to appear in the sand around them, the poor thing shaking with how hard she was crying.

She didn't know how long they sat there. How long she held her little buddy. A silly little name that Jacqueline had laughed at, but now, Dite was thinking, maybe wasn't really...accurate? Appropriate? Whatever the word, it didn't feel right anymore.

The sun began to set, the glow of dusk reflecting in the sea. At some point as the sun went down, Jacqueline's shudders slowed, until finally she lifted her head off the chest plate. She sniffled, curling up against Dite's side until she could rest her head on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. That was embarrassing. I didn't think I'd…gah! I'm sorry!"

"Don’t be! I asked. I'm sorry for bringing it up. I should've been a bit more tactful, maybe. I didn’t realize how traumatic…"

"Nobody does. Nobody ever asked. And nobody's really explained things to me, either."

"Is that why the wall?"

She nodded against her arm. "It's easier to interact with other magibeans if I keep myself on my toes. Easier to not get hurt if I shrug it off and carry on."

"Armour."

"Yeah. Speaking of…sorry about yours. It’s covered in Jacqueline gobber. I can buff it out."

Dite laughed. "It’s okay! Really," she said, squishing the sprite's shoulders in a very feathery side hug. "Thank you for telling me. I know you said you have Bernard, but if you ever want a change of pace, you can come to me, if you'd like."

"…would I get hugs like this?"

"Oh my gods absoLUTELY! I love hugs! And you seem like you need them."

Jacqueline snorted, snot going flying. "Oh, that was gross! Ew! Sorry!"

Dite laughed. "Snots happen."

"Thank you for asking," Jacqueline said, adjusting herself to sit more comfortably alongside Dite.

"Thank you for telling."

"Thank you for listening."

"Always."

#diteline #crystal springs #smile shots #dani writes #i was up SO LATE writing this lil idea!!!#it was tickling my brain a bunch lol #fun facts: jacquie is about 1600 ish here. so like. 16/17 in human years! dite is ????? bc she is a god and is like. ageless. sorta.#she looks like a young adult and only starts visibly aging after marrying jacqueline #bc she wants to get old with her! (which is at a very slow rate compared to humans lol)#fun facts round 2: a select amount of people actually know about the stabby bit of the dod #legates didn't fully know; legends were told. mn knew a week after it happened; blinter and jacquie knew from the get go of course. jack to #obvi lol #the seasons found out same time as MN and generally anyone who knows either learnt it from them. mn. or the cold front themselves #the general magical populous just knows that she was a casualty #amongst the many in the springs being treated for storm-related injuries once they could get through!#ANYWAY plz enjoy the diteline fluff! i sure fucking did #the comfort! the fluff! the BLORBOS!#screaming in the club. september is deffs giving diteline vibes

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six-of-ravens · 8 months

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finally made that list of things I want to do on my week-and-a-half off! It's mainly boring stuff: errands to run and super-early Christmas shopping and all that, or family stuff. My brain is complaining bc it's like "waaaah I just wanna spend a week on the couch playing video games!!" but I know from experience if I do that I'll feel like I wasted the week 😂 Also most of this stuff will only take a couple hours all told, I just decided to do it on my week off bc otherwise it'll be so hard to motivate myself to get out.

Last year when I took the week off I did a whole bunch of cooking and stocked up the freezer for a few weeks, which was a great idea, but since my holidays are right after Thanksgiving this year and the weather is still relatively warm, idk if I'll feel like cooking much. Still gonna try and stock the freezer up a bit tho!

(also yes I did get roped into doing work teambuilding on my week off. everyone got super hype for this VR room thing but then half the office was sick this week and there are people on vacation the next 3 weeks, so I caved and said I'd just meet them at the place. I have very little Get Out And Do Fun Things activities books anyways so I should just go and Have Fun. Not like I'd be paying for it...)

#was considering getting an airbnb and going into the mountains for a couple days but a) didn't want to spend the money and b)#as soon as my parents found out I'd booked the week off dad was like WELL IF MOM HAS ANY APPOINTMENTS THAT WEEK YOU WILL TAKE HER TO THEM!!#like....okay i *would* but could you at least ask nicely and let me know the time first??#anyway she has no appointments so it doesn't matter. i just hate being volun-told to do things lmao #im still worried about Time but i just need to make a real schedule. also a lot if the errands can be done literally tomorrow #i have to go out and get groceries for thanksgiving bc the store opens late Sun/Mon on long weekends so i can putter around a bit #also one whole day is written off bc dad is like 'i know your car appt is at X time but it might take ALL DAY for them to do it!!'#which i don't think will be the case lol

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ohara-n-brown · 6 months

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As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

#autism #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actually autistic #neurodivergent #neurodivergency #neurodiversity #cluster b

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