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#meanwhile while she was doing her phd apps i was literally glued to her side read her drafts was there for her emotionally was there
tytrack
·
1 year
Text
it actually makes me so angry that people are not there for you the way you need them but in a way that wants to make them feel good
#i'm pissed my friend just came to visit me at midnight on her way home bc she's leaving for california when i told her not to come
#*she's leaving for california tomorrow
#my uncle had to be taken to the hospital over the weekend and has been on the ventilator and she didn't call me at all to check in on how i
#was doing and sent a text super late with a general how are you text because i've also been working on my qualifying exams
#and i told her that was i was surprised she hadn't called me then and she said she was trying to give me my space (???????????)
#meanwhile i've been dealing with stupid roommate drama and she knows that it wouldn't be ok for her to come and told her multiple times not
#to and she thought i was being polite or something? when i said 'i literally do not want you to come'
#there's actually been so much shit going on in my life and instead of coming when i needed you you're coming now that you have no other
#time to come. i needed her this whole time and she's just been unavailable and socializing with other people and otherwise preoccupied
#i do not need you to come at midnight to show me that you care it feels so disengenous
#meanwhile while she was doing her phd apps i was literally glued to her side read her drafts was there for her emotionally was there
#IN THE MOMENT as she was submitting them and even when she was finding out from programs and i was upset with her i was following up with
#her and calling her every day. i really hate everything
#i'm writing all this because i'm angry and i'm angry that i feel guilty for being upset with her when she just came over even though
#i literally told her i didn't want her to come and suddenly it feels like it's my fault even though i know it's not
#even today while she was on the phone she was just talking about shit going on in her life maybe to fill in the space that i wasn't filling
#but like are you serious?
#god i'm so upset i already can't concentrate on my work
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