#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck
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hi!!! I was wondering if you could do hcs for what arguing would be like with the HOO boys
Don't talk me like that! | headcanons
— arguing with the hoO boys
warnings: angst, language, boys being...boys
who's here: jason grace, leo valdez, frank zhang ands percy jackson.
a/n: ohh ohh ohhh, yes. I can. I love drama.
— jason grace:
To get into a real fight with him, you must have come a long way because he's so peaceful and always tries to negotiate calmly, making sure both of you communicate effectively. But at the end of the day, you're like any other couple and sometimes end up having real fights.
The big issue is Jason's nature. He goes silent when he's really upset, his emotions hard to show.
When he’s that mad, you can see it on his face. It’s scary, let’s not lie.
When the ice breaks, he tries to take charge to explain what's wrong, which often makes things worse.
He keeps his distance when you argue, tense and rigid. He’s like a handsome, angry log.
Sometimes he says things reluctantly, like "don't act childish," which is so him.
Yes, he raises his voice and gets frustrated, "no, I said NO, THAT’S NOT HOW IT IS, gods…"
If you're wondering if his powers show, the answer is NEVER, or at least not against you. His mouth might taste like metal or his fingers might spark, but that's just him being really stressed.
His eyes get cloudy and grey.
He takes off his glasses and rubs his temples while muttering.
When things finally start to work out, he breathes better and starts talking more because he knows nothing will work if he doesn’t.
He’s practical, coming up with solutions to problems.
When the fight's over, he hugs you and kisses your forehead, relieved to be out of that situation.
Can he stay mad for days? Depends on the problem, but he’d prefer it doesn't last more than a day.
— leo valdez;
Leo and you usually argue over small things because you have that kind of relationship where you bicker and tease for fun, but when things get serious, the arguments can get heated (get it? heated? laugh, please).
That’s when things get tough. He may seem easy-going, but Leo has a strong temper and is very stubborn when he's mad. Whatever made you really fight doesn't matter because he’ll be stuck on his point.
"No, that's not how it happened." You could be contradicting each other all day until you both turn away and stop talking.
"Well, screw you!" you say, and he growls back, "Yeah, you too," swearing in Spanish. "vale ma-" "me lleva la ch-"
Yes, he switches languages mid-sentence.
"I already told you no! CUANTAS VECES TENGO QUE DECIRLO, carajo!-"
If you know Spanish, you can reply; if not...
"I don’t understand you, idiot. Say it in English or fuck yourself ." (just in case because you’re not sure what he said)
Swearing is common if he's really mad, but it's more his way of dealing with it than being mad at you.
That or sharp sarcasm.
Yes, he might cry if the argument is really bad.
His rigid feelings and insecurity can come up.
Leo is attached, so he’s constantly thinking of ways to fix it because he can’t stand being away from you for too long.
He keeps his distance, terrified of hurting you with his powers, which makes him nervous. "No, DON’T COME NEAR ME." It's for your safety, but it hurts him to see the look in your eyes when he says it.
Can he stay mad for days? Absolutely, but he misses you a lot, though his pride might keep him from showing it.
Don’t worry, he’ll eventually sit down to talk it out, and you’ll both calm down and fix things.
Then he'll give you a big hug and kiss your cheeks.
— frank zhang:
it’s hard to imagine: WHAT DID YOU DO TO FIGHT?
Yes, Frank is Mars’s son, but he’d never choose the battlefield for his lover. He’s very careful and always considerate, but yeah he can be severe when things get bad, and when isn't enough just have a serious talk.
You end up fighting in not-so-quiet whispers, with your faces and gestures being the most expressive.
"Of course not, I already told you, hey!" He raises his hands, and his body tenses up threateningly.
Frank tries to understand your point and make himself heard, always mindful of both your feelings. He knows how to set boundaries.
Sometimes, he just can’t take it anymore and signals a pause. "You know what? This is getting too much, and neither of us is in the best shape. Let’s talk tomorrow or later, please."
Does he raise his voice? Hardly, only when he really needs to make a point.
His eyes are bright, tinged with sadness and anger. The deadliest is his calm face or the way he slightly curls his lip, almost growling.
His eyebrows always seem to be touching, even if he doesn’t want them to.
He keeps a cool head to solve things.
Can he stay mad for days? Yes, while clearing his mind and thinking. He’ll come up to you, and you’ll talk it out, making things work in the end.
He’ll take your hand. You might feel guilty for pushing a guy like Frank to his limit, but he doesn’t mind having relationship problems with you:
"I hope we fight many more times, but about totally different things because it means we’ve really solved the previous issues."
— percy jackson:
wtf did you both do to get into a fight?
Percy won't waste a second, trying to resolve it immediately by asking and reflecting on his own actions. "What did I do wrong?" if it was his fault. "Can you listen to me for a second?" if it was you.
He hates being mad at you, just can’t stand it. But if the fight starts, he wants to start or finish it (or both).
Yes, he might cry.
Yes, he might raise his voice. "No, I didn't do anything. LISTEN TO ME."
Then he apologizes for it because he lost it.
He tries to hold your hands and says, "Babe, babe…"
He makes you both breathe and talk calmly.
He argues, of course, but differently. He’ll stop the conversation. "You know what? I'll think about it." He leaves or makes you leave.
Consequently, he might stay mad for days, or both of you might be mad at each other, but he’s thinking of what to say rather than just calming down. (Nothing wrong with that, everyone handles feelings differently and that's valid.)
Yes, he asks his mom.
Yes, he asks Paul.
You both end up fixing things, and he hugs you tight, giving you kisses all over your face while pouting.
"I missed you, babe."
#maría's shared dreams☆｡ﾟ✧#percy jackson#pjo#heroes of olympus#pjo hoo toa#hoo x reader#pjo x reader#leo valdez#frank zhang#jason grace#percy jackson fic#percy jackson headcanon#percy jackson x reader#percy jackson x y/n#percy jackson x you#leo valdez x you#leo valdez x reader#leo valdez x y/n#leo valdez blurb#leo valdez headcanons#frank zhang fic#frank zhang x reader#frank zhang x you#frank zhang x y/n#frank zhang headcanons#franks zhang blurb#jason grace headcanons#jason grace x y/n#jason grace x you#jason grace x reader
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Now since I’m tearing up for Charles. And this race was considerably boring. Here’s my quick analysis because there wasn’t much to analyse to be honest.
Kevin Magnussen is on THIN ICE. He’s being a track terrorist, that anyone near him is genuinely doesn’t feel safe. And Nico was doing good considering that penalty, slowly building his way into the race. So was Checo, but Kevin just had to go and ruin it for all 3, as well as any type of potential for a strategy race today.
Alpine was good, despite Esteban’s crash, but they are building. What genuinely concerns me however, is the fact that THIS was the racing incident not the other one. And Alpine should see that, especially since Esteban was the one who’s been taking the car places since the start and outperforming Pierre.
Aston were meh, not good, not bad, just okay, and I can assure you, VCARB are coming for them slowly but surely.
VCARB making slow but sure steps that are making the difference. Yuki being so good with strategically keeping Alex behind him. Daniel overtakes. The’re getting there and could be at this rate, competing for p5 in constructors.
Mercedes did well (unfortunately) with George specifically, maintaining those tyres, keeping Max behind him, Lewis also getting more confident in that car. A slow and steady rise.
Williams did well considering the circumstances. Alex points, that’s a huge leap, but also, Logan did really good in the race, with his overtakes and all in a non-upgraded overweight Williams. Getting better and not the bottom markers is surely good.
McLaren played the mind games really well today. With the way he fixed Oscar’s car in the Red Flag, to keeping Lando on Carlos’ ankle almost the whole race, yeah, they really are becoming a threat in the constructors.
Red Bull, my team. You know that feeling when you’re mad at someone but you love them and can’t stay mad or accept any backlash unless it was with the intent of love. That’s me with Red Bull right now. Like yes, the car was stiff and needs work, especially with Ferrari and McLaren being so close on their tails. But this weekend was one where all external factors worked against Red Bull, with Max hitting the wall at the worst ever time in Q3, Checo being 0.5 seconds away from Q2. The crash, that I am grateful and thankful that Checo was able to get up on both feet by himself after it became of how horrendous it was. And therefore fucking a strategy race. It was written in the stars for The Prince of Monaco that all of this happens to the team at the same time. But also, credit where credit is due, the pitting call from Hannah was chef’s kiss, because it made Max more confident and he didn’t loose places. On the topic if Max however. I can’t stand his ass (jk I love him but I’m mad) simply because he could have overtaken George, but I guess he wasn’t 100% with the car that he won’t end up in the wall. But what I’m sure if is that he’s mad with today, from his side, from his childhood rival’s side, I can bet my money that he’s proud of him. But now Red Bull will need to work so hard in those 2 weeks to Canada, to improve the car. And Checo will need to do better these upcoming races because another fuck up could be his seat. And the fight for this seat is fierce.
Finally the team of the hour, who did everything right this weekend, gave the boys a car they can trust, and gave their golden boy his dream win. Seriously we can’t say anything about Ferrari with the way they handled the weekend, and hats off to them. And of course our Predestinato, who made us all cry with his win, which was extremely emotional and no one could have been upset with it, he drive his heart out today, and luck was on his side to make it. So yeah, Charles was beyond amazing today, and so was Carlos who put pressure on Oscar to pay that Singapore debt that Charles did for him.
But yeah, the race again wasn’t an entertaining one, racing and strategy wise, but again another emotional one (that needed Max honestly on that Podium ESPECIALLY with Charles) but he did it, he broke the curse and made us cry. Now time to chill, regroup and onto Canada
Just going to leave this here in all its glory because it needs no additions.
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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found out my parents are sending me to camp for the summer. they didn’t tell me or anything. they just told me at dinner that i was gonna be going and that was that. idk why in even going. they just signed me up without telling me. maybe in being a brat. but it honestly feels like a ploy to get rid of me for the summer.
i talked to her about it and she got all mad like ‘Oh stop being dramatic I’m not shipping you off in a box so shut up and accept it’ and then she backtracks to ‘but i don’t want you to leave because i’m emotionally burnt out because of your brother who’s graduating’ like fucking pick one. she makes me feel like one of those kids on dr phil who gets shipped of to therapy camp. it’s not the same but she’s just shipping me off without asking how i feel.
i don’t know what i did wrong but it feels like she wants to send me away. and i really didn’t need this after the fucking week i’ve had. because now i just feel like shit. so much for catching a fucking break after school lets out.
#i’m so fucking pissed#they used to use camp as a way to threaten or punish me as a kid#and it just feels like they wanna get rid of me#and then i got mad at them when they told me and they were all ‘aw don’t be upset it’s for your own good’#like they didn’t even ask me if i wanted to do it#but my brothers don’t have to go#maybe in being a brat#but they didn’t even fucking ask or tell me about it#they just told me i’m going away to live in a dorm for a bit to learn ‘skills’ because i’m visually impaired#then they’re all ‘oh why don’t you wanna go?’ and then they bring up the fact like ‘oh yeah we basically told you#<<when you were little that if you were bad we would send you to a camp for the summer and not the fun kind’#they always made up stories and shit too#but i’m actively working on developing skills on my own#this just feels like a way to get rid of me and that fucking hurts for some reason#i don’t know why#vent#i don’t know what i’m doing wrong
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Imso tired man. I'm so tired. Why do I work this hard I am so FUCKING over this shit
#this other bitch out here like haha woopsie i forgot to clock out for lunch even though ive been out for two hours :)#guess ill leave early today! heehee#YOU DONT DO ANYTHING. YOU FUCKED ME OVER YET AGAIN#i am SO FUCKING SICK of this shit. why do I have to be the one to suffer#why do i have to be the person who doesnt get a say in fuck all even though im doing THE MOST WORK#and then i have to sit here and act like she fucking knows what shes talking about wrt animals#IM THE ANIMAL KEEPER. I KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN THIS DEPARTMENT BETTER THAN YOU#Im going crazy fucking insane right now#my coworker is out sick so ive had to do shit scheduled for three people. me. One person#and then im told shit like its just one class! ITS NOT#i have to break them up into two because its too big of a group#then i say ok we are doing reptiles over here#and shes like oh ummmm someone has it reserved for this time so can you do it in [place that is extremely loud]#and im like yeah ok fucking sure FINE#and then we get there and someone else is like ummmm we were told to est here for lunch by [her name]#and i radio her like UMMMM??????????#and shes like Oh woopsie i did tell them! you can do it at ummmm [3rd place]#im like yeah thanks for fucking wltting me know#Sorry im sorry thus is so extreme and petty but im like DROP DEAD#youve made my work life hell when it doesnt have to be because YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB#FUCK!!!!!#YOU get to have a social life becaus you do whatever the FUCK YOU WANT#YOU get paid way more than me to do FUCK ALL#YOU dont have 30+ living beings depending on you every day#shut the fuck UP#I am so mad that i work so fucking hard and it doesnt fucking matter#so yeah sorry for starry spam but i think hes nice and right now the only thing keeping me from fucking losing it at work#along with a 1 min video of kookaburras im plahing over and over
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#vent post essay ahead lol#having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like#i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to#like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m#i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s#i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's#it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus#i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li#i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like#ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know#and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik#my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine#makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS#it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum#fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri#you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though#so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do#and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode#and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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"Whomevers pursuing whom in this very moment, I intend to eat them."
HANNIBAL I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD YOU ARE STRESSING ME THE FUCK OUT WITH YOUR COCKY LITTLE CHEEKY REMARKS THAT I KNOW ARE NOT ABOUT FISH JELLY
I love you so much and I know you have plenty of experience while I am literally laid here in bed in stitch pyjamas but oh my god
#Hannibal you are actually going to be the death of my both of my heart and the other area you make beat like a heart#hannibal i love you so much please never stop being you#except you could maybe stop the eating people part i think that would be good#just a thought#hannibal thoughts#please be gentle with me hannibal#hannibal#“im going to make these remarks because they're investigating me and it would be silly to say these things so its then it's actually smart”#YEAH BUT MY HEART CANNOT TAKE IT#oh my lord the small fight Hannibal has in s2 ep12 has me BEGGING FOR HIM#HE'S GOT SO MANY MOVES AND I WOULD LIKE HIM TO USE THEM ALL ON ME#his little raspy voice saying “shouldn't have done that” GONE. I AM JUST GONE.#OH NO OH FUCK WILL LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID YOU PREDICTED THIS SHIT#FUCK YES WILL THAT'S MY BOY#wait what the fuck is this set shit oh Hannibal what did you do OH OH I SEE OKAY ALRIGHT NEVERMIND CARRY ON#poor Mads has been made to look like some weird shit in this show#OH DUDE WHAT THE FUCK NO NOT THE FUCKING DOGS NO#NO HANNIBAL WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL THERE AICJSNDNISH#He's still going i love that this show just does not stop or hide anything i love that#stop it the way hannibal looks up at will as he walks up to him sketching he loves him so much
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Sick of being tired sad and overwhelmed all the time 😔
#max rambles a lot#it's this house man#i fucking hate it here#i am so over living here and i'm mad because i've been forced into tying up a good chunk of my money in xmas at this point#which means if by some tiny miracle i get to move out before xmas i won't be going nc until the new year#because i'll be damned if i'm paying for these assholes to have a nice xmas without me like fuck that#anyway yeah i'm so overstimulated lately that i want to just rip my face of all the time#had to cancel my tattoo appt because i am WAY to anxious to leave the house and it's made me really sad#also not to be one of Those people but this Matthew Perry news has really depressed me and i'm feeling it really bad#i'm so sad about it i keep bursting into tears with no warning over it#i feel like a fucking loser for doing so#but yeah i'm tired and sad and overwhelmed i miss all my friends being in the same place i miss feeling like i'm in charge of my own brain#sick of sleeping on the floor and being surrounded by clutter and not even being able to take a shit in peace#clinging to the tiniest little things to stop me absolutely losing my mind#a birthday party next week is currently next up but idk what's coming after that so 🤡🤡🤡
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aauauauuougghghs i need to move out 👁👁
^^^ [CHEC IT OUT] i need to move out moodboard (available now !!!(
#99.txt#my mom is like ''you seem upset with mee :('' yeah cos straight up like i think i just hate u now#when i got covid it was MY problem i stayed in my room. i wore a mask any time i left. i even wore gloves to the kitchen.#to make sure she didnt get it (and she didnt !!!) and i even cleaned the whole house while i had it lol. and still kept it away from her#so now that she has it guess what !!!!!!!!!!!! everyone guess what !!!! its STILL my problem !!!#i stay in my room ! i use the basement toilet !! i have to wear a mask outside my room at all times !!#and wash my hands so much im gettin rashes because she just goes around doing whatever touching whatever ?#coughing on whatever because she doesnt give a shit !!!!#i made it my mission when i had it to keep her safe#and now that she has it its ''well if you wanna keep safe thats your responsibility'' like ???????#i promise you the thought of making space for another person & accommodating or compromising has never occoured to her once#its all ''well its up to you !!! good luck !!!!!'' yeah fuck me i guess#and she keeps bothering me asking me to help her with shit still !!!!!!!!!!!#''how do i find my documents on the computer ive had for 10 years :('' are you stupid ?????? are you dumb for real ???????#and she puts me in the situation where. im busy clearly busy with my own shit#but she feels SO entitled to my time that she will just insist that i drop everything and do something for her#if i say no or have a slightly unenthusiastic response its ''oh youre SO mean to me youre SO mean. no one will want you :('' ...ok.#but if i ask for help from my own mother once in a while its ''wow you ask so much of me you know youre not a child anymore :\\\''#yeah. i know. i dont think ive been helped with anything by a parent since i was like 15 years old#''why are you mad at me ven you seem mad at me :('' yeah . i think like you just kinda fucking suck
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#okay so i know this isn't my diary but anyway#i did an apprenticeship you know and i finished it january and i cried bitter tears about it because the exams were so awful#my results were good i thought after i got them but not like perfect because it was an A but not A*#but apparently i thought wrong because i've been invited to like two events to be honored for being on of the best in the whole state nrw#which i still think they made a mistake because lmao like i said it wasn't perfect#but now my old school also send me an email to put me on their social media 😭 fuck off#guess i'm famous now for doing the bare minimum but whatever#i actually cried tears actual tears during the exams because i thought it was the WoRST TM#and now i'm not even happy sbout being one of the best because my workplace didn't even aknowledge it#well my boss also got the invitation and was mad at me for not telling him lol but why should i#i still get only minimum wage so what's the point#it's even worse now lol#oh yeah the dilemma of loving your job and absolutely despising the working conditions 🙃🙃🙃#but at least the thing is today at the same place of the schumacher exhibition#since i have to be alone there anyway i' gonna watch the cars and hope it will be over soon#the second one i already said i'm not going because it's too far away and i guess it would be the more important one but no#actually hate myself for not even being a tiny bit happy about all of this#yeah :/
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I don't understand why people get frustrated at things they knew were gonna happen because someone else is chronically I'll and it's happened multiple times before so it's not like it's new, like oh yeah sorry for existing like this
#family wanted me to go to this restaurant and to try their shakes and they've talked about it multiple times about going#and they kept mentioning it and just yeah so the said 'were going' and i just shrugged and said okay#we've been to restaurants times before and it goes the same every time with me getting fries or some type of potato or salad#because their safe foods and indont want to be sick and most of the time i cant eat almost all the menu so this isn't new#but they want to eat before we get these shakes (the shakes that are going to inevitably make me very sick) so we order food#surprise enough i order cheese fries that say they just have cheese on them on the menu but of course they lied as always#so the fries have bacon and chives and olives and a bunch of stuff and the cheese isnt even a cheese sauce#but cheese from the store thats been melted in a microwave on the fries and is very very oily and y'know great these are gonna make me sick#i force down the food as fast as i can and act like its fine but of course family gets mad that im doing this#they then ask after me trying to force down this food what flavor of shake i want and im probably gonna end up throwing#up half of the food i just ate and so i say no to the shake which is a gurantee of me being up all night throwing up#they get frustrated because 'we came here for the shakes' and i dont even know im so tired like#i font know what people want me to do i cant exist the way they want me to and eat the food and interact with the world how they want me to#like how do they want me to do thing? i wish people would tell me how they wanted me to do things and then i could do it#and i really can i can play pretend i do it sooo well i can eat the food you want me to and do what you want me to#but we literyjoked how i couldn't eat barely anything on the menu and we still got in the car and left and like#family is a bust my friends are too busy living and being with their other friends who arent sick so thats always hood to think about#literally got told to my face that she made a new friend (which is always good) but that this new friends reminded her exactly of me#and that they talks to them every single day and they've gone to movies and this and that and... i texted her multiple times#and she hasnt texted me back in months... infont think that lerson reminds me of who i AM i think they remind her of who i WAS#when i was sick very sick but still more abled and able to just exist#but yeah so im gonna write some fanfic - im gonna mod for something - then mod for another thing with really sweet mods in it#i wanted to rewatch a spn episode with the angels in it so ill do that and maybe work on a bracelet#and yeah... and then ill do it all over again and eat my safe foods and do the things that make me comfortable because fuck them#virus rambling
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Not gonna lie, Hopeless Aromantic was a disappointment. It had been on my radar for a while and i'd pre-ordered it. I was thrilled that there would be a book focusing on aromanticism, especially after reading Aro And Ace Journeys last year. Unfortunately it did not live up to my expectations.
I found it less of a guide to aromanticism and more just a cobbled together collection of the author's personal experiences. It is poorly researched - most of the references are to wikipedia and reddit - and very surface level. Like there was a bit about institutional arophobia and the author literally said it was something she'd never heard of and then moved onto the next bit. Why bring it up then? Even better, it would have been an ideal place to talk about how society is built on the assumption that everyone will be partnered etc and two minutes of reading websites other than wikipedia would have given her some great starting points.
It was repetitive, wishy washy and felt half assed. Not worth reading when there are other books that will give you clearer, better researched information about the aromantic spectrum (and they manage to do it whilst also talking about the asexual spectrum)
#booklr#hopeless aromantic#samantha rendle#brigid speaks#read in 2024#book update#queer lit#aromanticism#ya'll typing out this post made me mad about it all over again skfksjsdlskf#like there was one bit where she talked about the ~debate~ about if aro people are part of the lgbt+ community#and what she should have written was 'yeah they are but ymmv as to whether you personally identify yourself in those terms'#because thats the truth#but instead she was like 🤷♀️ guess theres no clear answer#again i have to ask then why fucking include it?
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Uh-
just found out my cousin (who lives in England) is in the art department of a bunch of shows??? And she worked oN DOCTOR WHO? AND HAD LUNCH WITH DAVID TENNANT???? and she just told me so casually because she's interested in the art, not the show? I mean, excuse me? She worked on SHERLOCK???? FOR A WHOLE SEASON?? She worked on Peaky Blinders and Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones??? And probably other things because she has a shitty memory and according to her everything is a blur?? AND AT ONE POINT SHE WAS LIKE: "oh and have you ever heard of Neil Gaiman?" And I was trying not to scream, because yes, of course I've heard of Neil, he's only my favorite author, I've only read like all of his books multiple times, and if you say you worked on Good Omens or the Sandman I'm going to lose it completely. So I said "yeah I've read a couple of his books," -you know, like a liar- "what about him?" and she goes "well I worked on one of his shows and he's brilliant i just can't remember which one" and i go "w-what do you mean he's brilliant? You're.. you're talking about his writing... his writing is brilliant, right?" And she cheerfully says "oh no I don't read books, I ment he was really nice and brilliant when I talked to him" and i go "WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT" and she thinks for a moment and goes "oh! BRICKS" WHAT IN THE WORLD YES NO THAT MAKES SENSE YOU GET TO WORK AND TALK WITH NEIL FUCKING GAIMAN AND YOU TALK ABOUT BRICKS? NO THAT'S TOTALLY NORMAL I'M NOT MAD ".... it was what I was designing at the time, I needed to know what vibe the bricks should have. Anyway want to see the spinning fireplace I made for doctor who" WHAT THE FUCK.
@neil-gaiman do you remember any brick conversations by any chance
#Doctor who#Sherlock#David tennant#I'm losing it#neil gaiman#DAVID TENNANT JUST SAT DOWN NEXT TO HER AT LUCH AND SHE GOES OH YEAH HE WAS SUPER NICE. VERY TALL. ????#anyway i- oh my god.#Let me just perish in peace#Just my cousin living my dream making art and vibing with Neil and David and her fucking bricks what the fuck#Good omens#Sorry this is a mess#I understand actors are still people I'm not saying they aren't but can you look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't be psyched#If you could have lunch with David tennant?
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so do you spiral into rage whenever you realize the person who got you seconds away from killing yourself is moving on with their life when somedays you still feel like you're stuck in that moment that fucking traumatized you and how unfair it is that they get to move on when you almost ended it all over them or do you not have a deep seated fear that you jave no effect on the people aroujd you
#suicide tw#cw suicide#tw suicide#suicide cw#candyskiez vent#i know its irrational. i know#but fuck its. a part of me is almost mad at them for moving on. even though earlier i was fucked up because whst if i hurt them what if im#terrible person. i keep fucking flipflopping. ive never once wanted them back but ive missed them so bad and ive hated them and i still#fucking love them and god. i almost killed myself. i almost KILLED myself and they get to just??? be upset that i didnt want them in my lif#they can just go on about how it was so hard for THEM to lose all their friends when they were the one who cut us out. and everyone feels#bad for them. but fuck. i almost fucking killed myself. i almost killed myself because of this situation. i thought id never be happy again#i was wrong. im finally healing from it. but sometimes i can't help but hate them. because how DARE you ever act like the two things are#even remoteoy equivalent. you lost SOME of your friends because you made a stupid ass life decision you had EVERY way of knowing would blow#up. we were in hell. we were in fucking hell. the friend group almost fucking fell apart becase of your stupid ass. i almost killed myself.#i thought id never be happy again. i almost killed myself without leaving a note so i wouldbt have to feel yhe pain YOU caused me. YOU. and#you think you have the RIGHT to be sad? you arent the fucking victim. you have NEVER been the victim of this situation. you will never be.#and logically i know i know they can feel however they feel and thats valid and yeah they cared. but it feels insulting fucking INSULTING#because how dare you be sorry when i could never forgive you for what you did. how dare you do something so STUPID and get surprised when#people got hurt. you are a fucking awful friend. you dont deserve forgiveness. i dont give a shit youre sorry. why should i care. why is it#MY job to care that youre a fucking idiot. you hurt me. why is it my job to understand why? i almost killed myself.#later on im probably going to feel bad for them again. i know they aren't a monster but god it is so fucking hard to care. ive never gotten#that close to suicide. and they very nearly pushed me over that edge. i was so fucking close to writing a note. i was debating if i should#send the note to my online friends. i was on the fucking brink. i will never fucking forgive them. i almost killed myself.#and their name wouldve been on the note.
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Oh hey, babe. What? Why the fuck are you getting mad? Because I’m watching porn? Don’t be ridiculous. It’s cheating? No it’s not. I’m just using them to cum. I’m jacking off to their tight, slutty bodies but that doesn’t mean I’d actually fuck them. What? You want me to stop watching porn? You want me to never watch it again? Fine. But I need to cum to porn one way or another. I want you to become my porn.
No, I’m not joking. You will take your clothes off and become my private fucking pornstar or I’ll open PornHub back up. Look, aren’t you happy knowing that I’m going to cum to you and not some other woman? Why are you complaining so much? It’s degrading. Don’t be stupid. It’s an act of love. I’ve known porn longer than I’ve known you. Do you know how hard it is for me to give it up? To replace it with someone? Why are you being so selfish?
You’re doing it? Finally! Thank you. God, you are one sexy bitch, aren’t you? What? That’s just the way I’d talk to my pornstars. If you really don’t want me to do this… Oh, you do? Then shut up and let me jerk off to you. Fuck look at that ass. Bend over. On the table. Ugh fuck yes, just like that. Look at you. Now spread it. I want to see your asshole and your cunt all together. Oh for fuck’s sake, we’ve just talked about this. My porn complains far, far less than you. There. Fuck, that’s hot. I don’t think I’ve ever seen your asshole before, you know? You’re such a fucking prude in bed.
God, now spread your cunt for me. I want to see into you. Jesus, you really are one stupid, little bitch. Shut the fuck up, you’re making me lose my boner. God, fucking spread yes. Shit yes. Touch yourself. That’s right. Look at how fucking wet it is. You like this? God, you’re getting off to being my pornstar? You’re getting off to being degraded like this? Who knew you were such a perv, deep down?
Oh fuck, now use your other hand to- to pinch your tits. Yeah, I know you don’t like pain but I’m so fucking close to cumming. Just do it. Look at you moaning, you ignorant mutt. You do like it. I knew you would. Shit, slap them for me. Let me watch your pathetic tits jiggle. Fuck- FUCK, I’m going to use your face as a cum rag now. Open your fucking mouth. OPEN YOUR MOUTH. FUCK YES. OH SHIT, I’M USING YOUR MOUTH AS A CUM DUMPSTER. Look at that. No, don’t spit it out. Swallow it. Swallow it all down and I promise I’ll never look at internet porn again. God, that’s so fucking sexy. You were made to be my porn, weren’t you?
#degradation k1nk#degrading k1nk#humiliation kink#corruption kink#bd/sm dom#free use slvt#free use kink#cheating kink
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