#i think that's part of the healing process too
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What I want to see with Eddie/Buddie Going into Season 8
I'm really excited to see what they do with Eddie this coming season after how season 7 ended for him.
I feel like it may take a few episodes of us watching Eddie pull away from everyone as his mental state over this whole situation he got himself in just keeps getting worse until someone finally knocks some sense into him and tells him he needs to get help. Maybe the firefam even stages an intervention of sorts, telling him that they're all worried about him and that he needs to get help. I could see Buck trying his absolute best to help Eddie, to no avail. Then Hen just shows up at his house one day and straight up tells him if he doesn't work on himself, then how could he expect to repair his relationship with Chris.
I want to see a whole episode, maybe two, dedicated to Eddie's healing. I want to see him going to therapy. I need to see him learning to love himself and how to live for himself, not only for Chris. I need to see Eddie uncover the parts of himself that he's unconsciously buried through the years and rediscover things he used to enjoy. I need to see Eddie opening up to everyone and them all being proud of him and happy to see him genuinely smile. I want to see Eddie having an adult conversation with Chris about what happened and how nothing like it would ever happen again. And I want to see Eddie and Chris working on repairing their relationship and Buck hanging out with both of them.
And who knows, maybe Eddie will have a sexuality crisis, maybe he won't, maybe Buddie will happen, maybe it won't. All I know is what both Oliver and Ryan have said, which is that it has to feel right for the characters and their respective stories. Buck and Eddie have such a beautiful friendship as is, so furthering their relationship has to be done carefully. Now, I know that for a lot of us, it feels like we've been waiting long enough for this to happen, but we also have to think about the fact that the characters don't see their relationship like that. Like in a lot of the fanfics, they might both realize that they have romantic feelings for each other and be too afraid of ruining their cherished friendship to share them with one another. Or maybe they haven't realized those feelings yet, and even when they do, they'll need time to process them.
On Eddie's side, it will likely take him a while to come to terms with not being straight, and I'd like to see him putting the pieces together in his brain and talking to his therapist about self-acceptance. Apart from that, I'd like to see his dynamics with another partner (perhaps another man) before Buddie happens, if Buddie happens. I also think that Eddie figuring out he's not straight will be how he realizes the love he feels for Buck is more than one would usually feel for a friend. Maybe he'll try to give his all to whatever relationship he's in at the time, but he'll quickly realize that although he was genuinely happy with the other person, his heart just isn't in it anymore.
On Buck's side of the coin, I really hope that Tommy sticks around long enough for us to get to know his character more. I know a lot of people don't want to hear that, but as long as Buck is happy with Tommy, I'm happy with Tommy. And if they break up, I want them to still be friends. Anyway, back to the Buddie of it all...
I think Eddie will come out to the 118, and of course, everyone will be supportive as he explains that it took him months to finally be comfortable enough to tell them. And whether or not he tells them all at the same time or comes out to Buck first, I KNOW that Buck won't even hesitate to give Eddie the biggest hug! Buck starts realizing his deeper feelings when he sees Eddie with another man for the first time. Also, whether or not they're both single, mutual pining will most definitely ensue.
To me, there are only a couple ways that would feel right for a Buck and Eddie's feelings reveal (of course, in both situations, they're both single, no more cheating!):
The first one is high drama, of course, something I think a lot of people want after hearing that when Eddie got shot back at the end of season 4, there was supposed to be a feelings reveal. Hence, Eddie puts Buck in his will as Christoper's caretaker if he were to die. (Speaking of that, I really hope that we also get a serious conversation about the will in season 8). Anyways, I think it would be more interesting if, rather than only one of them getting into another near-death or serious injury situation, it was both of them together. Like they get trapped together in a burning building, one or both of them get hurt, and all they can do is wait for the team to come find them. They're holding each other, scared that they won't make it out, and they confess their feelings for one another. They hold each other even tighter after that, maybe even share a kiss.
Another scenario that I wouldn't mind seeing is a lot less dramatic. It would be sweet and soft and full of nervous energy. I think that I'd almost want it to mirror when Buck came out to Eddie, but this time, they're at Eddie's house. Chris isn't there. Buck and Eddie are just hanging out together. They just ate, and they're either sitting at the table or leaning against the counter, standing so close that their shoulders are brushing. It's a quiet moment, a lull in whatever conversation they are having, and they just look at each other fondly. Eddie quietly confesses his feelings, telling Buck that it's ok if he doesn't feel the same and that, regardless, he still needs Buck in his life. Buck is shocked, but doesn't let himself freeze, telling Eddie that he feels the same, and the scene ends with Buck and Eddie sharing a sweet kiss.
And now I'm going to make these scenarios into fanfics...
God, as much as I want Buck and Tommy to be happy as long as possible, I just NEED Buddie to happen! I love these guys't wait to see what happens in their relationship next. If nothing romantic happens between them in season 8, they need to at least have something happen that deepens and solidifies their friendship even further. Something that reminds Buck and Eddie of the place they have in each other's lives and how important they are to each other.
Thank you for reading my rant! I really do hope that people read this all the way through. Took a good amount of time to get all my thoughts out, so I hope people enjoy what I had to say! 😁
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Torrid (Geo x My/Any MC/Reader) (Part 2/2)
TO ALL THE MANDIVIDUALS AND TO THE ANONS FROM ALL THE PLANES, I GIFT YOU THE SECOND PART OF THIS GEO x MC ONESHOT.
A/N: So, I know this was meant to be out a week ago and I am SO SORRY TO EVERYONE! I have health issues.
This is an original work, made and thought up entirely by me.
PART 1 LINK: Gelid (Part 1)
- Signed by biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer
Torrid: very hot and dry.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your eyes ached; the darkness of their lids shielding you from the dim lights that threatened to shine past its pitch darkness, morphing the dark shrouds into muted cacophonies of flame-oranges and honey-yellows.
“Hnn…”
You wonder, briefly, if you’re even still alive. The torrid birching of summer had cooked your flesh, fried your mind-circuits and seared your soul…but this didn’t feel like summer.
Your body feels toasty, as if a warm spring breeze was gently caressing its balmy palms over your unmoving form. Gently soothing and healing the harsh burns that summer’s scorching ornery had devastated upon you.
You notice, in your comatose state, that the light has started to grow more radiant, more luminous, more intense; as if a match had been struck inside the gloom and murk of your consciousness, illuminating the umbra in chandeliers of twinkling lights.
You felt yourself gradually commencing the tedious process of reaching the gates of hypnopompia, whilst somewhere far away, a faint beep started piecemealing its way into your mind. Its annoying chiming reverberates in your skull.
Beep…Beep…Beep…
You feel a wave of irritation slash through the numbing murk, shattering the calm into sharp, serrated shards; their whetted edges piercing and dragging their points into the fogged veils of your somnolent state.
If you weren’t waking earlier, you are now.
But your eyelids felt so heavy, so leaden. How could you possibly slip out of your subconsciousness’ anteroom if your body wouldn’t abide by your minds’ commands?
The beeping was becoming more domineering over the murked blur of the quiet noises that encircled your head.
What in the absolute fuck is that shit?
…am I dead? That’d make a lot of sense actually.
The noise began to pulse in your ears, slowly punching your brain-fogged mind into a state of configuration.
You should open your eyes, lift the accursed flesh-lids that curtained them and let the radiance of the world puncture your pupils and blind you.
Aight…MC…you got this girlypop…you got this.
1…2…wait. Nah, that’s fucking stupid. Whoever actually gets up when they count to three is too self-controlled.
What motivates you. That is the query.
Geo…? Geo would whoop my ass for sleeping in.
God he’s fucking awesome.
You hiss, before gingerly opening your weaker eye.
Then you immediately shut it, because, well, your pupils are so used to the shadows that the overhead flare-bright lights have probably blinded them. You wince, a scalding pain begins its fervid assault on your eye socket.
Owie.
You think you swallow. Your throat distinctly — and painfully — aches from the force.
You faintly grimace.
As your cerebrum continues its reboot, your physicality and its wounds become more obvious to you. What once was benumbed progressively became blisteringly arid, parching your skin and clawing at the dried walls of your esophagus.
You think you hear a voice; a heavenly harmony that continues to cautiously pry you from the darkness. A siren, come to guide you towards her island, towards your doom.
But…waking up wouldn’t be your doom, right?
Well. It would be if I happened to be in some psychotic lunatic’s basement. That’d suck.
Either way, you had to assert dominance over your stubborn body.
Okay. Baby steps…baby steps.
You agonisingly slowly begin to open your eyes, aiming to at least squint. Any sign that you were alive was good, especially if you get to hear that beautiful voice again.
Your eyelids pried open a crack, the dazzle of the overhead whites and yellows immediately abusing its power over your weakened eyes.
No…c’mon MC. You’ve got this.
Fortunately, eventually, your eyes began adjusting.
Marvellous. Now…gotta sit up.
You tried to move your arms, testing whether moving them was even a possibility in your current state. You move your focus to your hands, making attempts to flex them or to inch your fingers around, to get a feel for your surroundings.
As soon as your hand left your side, it felt horrifically cold, as if some wraith had exsanguinated all the warmth from your soul and left your body a frore husk. You shamefully retract it into the comfortable cocoon of…blankets?
Oh my god…blankets! I love blankets. Blankets are wonderful.
You felt a surge of joy fill your heart, its unnervingly swift pounding now serving as a steady background drumbeat to the endless, unbounding bliss that you now felt. Alas, the realisation that you needed to alert someone of your consciousness quickly became the priority in your mind.
You also just happened to acknowledge you didn’t have a clue where you fucking were.
You draw in a deep gasp, a thinly veiled storm of frustration suddenly onslaughting your mind, pelting your brain with orders to fucking do something.
“H-. Hell…Hello…?”
Your voice comes out faint and rasped, as if your voice box had rusted to near-irreparability and your tongue had been encased in lead.
“Oh?! Oh my goodness!”
Your ears perk up.
It’s that voice…the pretty one.
The silhouette of a woman comes into view, her head blotting out the ceiling lights and leaving her face anonymous under the shroud of darkness.
“Oh my…I’ll alert the doctor, please relax for now!”
. . .
The next few hours passed by in a blur of boring examinations, excessive interviews with some wacko journalists — who were curious about why the famous, privileged, alleged ‘sex-fiend’ Geo Oogami was seen with you in his car (you were so discombobulated with their choice of nickname that water spouted out your nose like it was a fountain).
Now here you lay, stultified, annoyed and exhausted. The emotional toll it had taken to recall why you decided to lie out in a hailstorm was…immense. You cried multiple times in front of the nurses and doctors, who were demanding every piece of information that they deemed necessary for healing you. Also the consistent beeping of the nearby heart rate monitor was pissing you off, but you understood its pricelessness.
As expected, you had hypothermia, and would have to remain here for at least a week under supervision to ensure your organs and bodily tissues hadn’t suffered any long-lasting or permanent complications.
You were thankfully allowed to read books after about a day, so now at least your crippling, (and very lethal) boredom had a temporary fix.
“MC?”
The angelic voice called out again. The woman – Timea was her name, if you recall correctly — stood in the doorway, before swiftly entering and checking your vitals. After deeming your current state as satisfactory, she turns to you.
“I hear you have a visitor.”
You blinked. You? A visitor? Who the fuck would visit you?
What the shit?
You sit up, the sheets rustling under your weight as you turn to look at the doorway.
And from the unseen depths of the corridor, painted in gilded light, a wild Geo Oogami emerged, his icy turquoise eyes staring right into yours.
You swear you forgot how to breathe.
May God Himself preserve you because if this hypothermia doesn’t kill you, the asphyxiation will. Frankly, you don’t exactly care, you’re too busy gazing upon the angelic, elegant face that belongs to the man who sits at your side.
“...Why.”
His voice was like a gong, short and straight-to-the-point; yet so firm and demanding that it left you stunned.
His eyes were filled with a thousand shards of broken glass, each one having once belonged to a mosaic birthed of the stars themselves. Maybe the mosaic was like his heart, cold and sharply-edged, yet so beautiful you couldn’t help but look at it with love.
Wouldn’t that mean his heart is shattered though?
“Why what?” Your query seems to have stilled the air, stilled the molecules in the entire room. Geo looked like he’d been frozen in time, before his face turned bitterly ornery.
“Why the fuck did I find you sitting practically naked in the middle of a storm, then have to watch as you die in my car, then have to pay over 10 grand in fines for speeding you to this bloody hospital?”
His voice was far more hiemal and frosty than whatever you’d felt during that storm. It was as if 0° Kelvin itself had been personified, given a permafrozen heart and the voice of a cold wind-whip. You shiver slightly, but how could you not? Like before, you were now in the direct vicinity of the princeling of winter himself. A very unhappy one, at that.
It was never a good idea to provoke or challenge the wintry wrath of Geo Oogami. Unfortunately, you weren’t exactly the wisest person to have ever lived; a hot burst of annoyance flashed before your eyes, splattering your peripherals in a thousand shades of crimson and scarlet.
“I had my reasons. There’s nothing you need to concern yourself over.”
The scattered shards in his irises seemed to form into serrated points, each one aimed directly at you, as if his eyes themselves wanted to carve you into pieces.
“Need not worry…? Need. Not. Worry?”
He paused, a small vein prodding under the skin of his temple. You gulped.
“Are you demented?”
He was malding now, a spine-chillingly livid anger in his eyes.
“You could’ve died in my car, under my watch, and it’s not something to be worried about?”
“Aren’t I a nuisance to you either way? What difference would it’ve made if I died?”
The words are caustic for the walls of your mouth, leaving a bitter coating on your tongue. You’d thought this way for years, yet having your thoughts be thrown into the expanse of the real world, in front of a real man was…different. Especially considering the fact you idolised, respected…maybe even loved this man.
His face was a vial; a potion concocted of shock, disdain and woe slowly morphing the fury into a condensed cloud of sorrow. One that was now waiting to let loose its tears, to pour rain onto the barren soils of the earth beneath.
“How dare you.”
And so, Winter himself looked you in the eye, piercing the veil of whatever hallowed thing was keeping your emotions safely hidden. The aquamarine depths seemed to be slowly exsanguinating you of reason, of any form of logical function. You wanted to drown in them.
Aight. MC. Stop staring at him, he already resents you, he doesn’t need you to fawn over him like that.
You decide to survey the room you were in, it would be easier than continuing to peer into the unknown depths of his eyes.
White walls. White tiled floor. A couple of pretty paintings. Some fake plants.
A slender bejewelled hand firmly latched onto your chin, steadily, almost like the arms on a clockface, he moved your head towards his.
His hand feels tense, his gelid fingertips bruising the warmth of your flesh. To your left, the bed seems to sink, as if a weight had been strapped unto it.
You still don’t look at him, instead opting to (cautiously) check out his thighs. They were covered by his usual dark pants, the brown fabric ripped and torn in a multitude of places.
God he’s so beautiful.
“You are as much of a nuisance to me as I am unstylish — not in the slightest.”
His voice was monotone, yet — unlike earlier — within its melodious notes was a soft melancholic chime; as if his voice had revamped itself into the epitome of dejection and despondency.
You were as astonished as he was uncomfortable.
Then you felt yourself lose every manner of self control as you began to sob your ghastly heart out.
Fucks’ sake MC. Can’t do jackshit right can you?
You feel a few torrid tears leap over the cliffs of your eyelids and crash onto his pale flesh. His eyes follow the wet trails down your face, before smearing it across your cheek.
You felt yourself losing grip over your mind again, trying to catch onto the grains of whatever cognition you had.
Whatever your brain had repressed from that horrific night was flooding through your consciousness, sweeping you off your feet and leaving you stranded on an island in the storm that was your eternal, unbounding sorrow.
But you supposed that’s one of the reasons why you loved Geo oh-so much. He was cold, hard logic; an anchor for your restless, maladaptive thoughts. His chill soothed the hot anger that pulsed beneath you, both from your fate and at the world for stuffing you into a school where you’d never thrive.
But destiny had its ways, you suppose; for even the most treacherous, onerous and dolorous of winters will eventually (and willingly) surrender to the balmy nature of a newborn spring.
“Whatever it was that led you to commit such a stupid act…I hope you can one day entrust me with the context and reasons.”
“That almost sounds like you care, Geode.”
“Hm. Perhaps.”
You feel his hand, rings and all, land atop your head; before gently, softly, stroking your hair. The tears still fell down your face, but the despair slowly fell muted as you gingerly placed your head on Geo’s shoulder and closed your eyes.
If you’d had your way, you would’ve squished him to death, but you couldn’t afford to push this. Whatever this was.
“Promise me something, MC.”
There’s that monotone voice again…
You give a small thumbs-up in affirmation.
“Promise me that you’ll come to me before you resort to such an extreme act. No matter how stupid it may be to you.”
He lowers his hand, it now lurking near yours; and you feel a small ray of confidence shine through the murk of your paranoia.
“...okay.”
And now, cautiously, almost as if fate Herself was puppeting you; you felt your hand grasp the slender fingers of him.
Touch him, partake in a quick, fleeting moment of heavenly contact.
To your surprise?
It wasn’t short, or brief, or sudden.
It felt more purposeful than every breath you’d fucking taken, hell even Geo looked a tad astounded by the prolonged contact.
Your soul feels a little lighter now.
Maybe the enigmatic winter himself would learn to accept the dawn of a flowery, dainty spring. Maybe he’d even accept himself. And hopefully you’d accept yourself too.
#geo subaru oogami#tkatb vn#tkatb x reader#geo oogami#the kid at the back#reminder that geo is superior#tkatb geo#tkatb#I FUCKING TRIED#WAHOO#I COOKED#HELP
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i understand why people say, like, that Amara can always channel Dhurke as needed for Rayfa or Nahyuta or Apollo or whatever, but i'm also like... would they not prefer for him to rest. cause like, it seems clear to me based on the way it's talked about in 6-3 that there is a sense of guilt in summoning the dead from their eternal rest to deal with MORE bullshit in the land of the living.
i don't think Dhurke would mind, confusing as it is for him, but i think Nahyuta would. idk. it's not like he doesn't want to see his dad. there's so much they haven't talked about, so much that Nahyuta wished he could have told his dad, wished Dhurke would have had the time to forgive him maybe, etc etc. but after 6-5, after Amara gets out of the hospital and they're off to the races trying to overhaul this country, i just think Nahyuta in particular would get this feeling that the ship has sailed. he can't keep clinging to the past, though it'll be a long time before he ever forgave himself for not talking sincerely with Dhurke one last time before it was over.
he had his shot to reconcile, he missed it, and that's something to reckon with. i think it just isn't something he feels is worth continually dragging Dhurke back to the living world over, though one could also chalk it up to a discomfort and unease with finally facing everything and talking it out. there's no telling that Amara wouldn't force the subject and channel Dhurke anyway, but, y'know.
Im not saying these kids don’t deserve closure, but I sort of think the lack of closure is the point to me? That they had to find closure through the trial and through their own actions, I guess? They could channel Dhurke one more time but I just don’t think that’d be the end of it if they did. Let the man rest. it's the least they owe him, even if it's hard to accept. otherwise, you're just picking at the scab forever.
#psy's no punctuation posts#aa tag#headcanons tag#ace attorney#dhurke sahdmadhi#nahyuta sahdmadhi#that's another idea i had-- Nahyuta expressing that he wished he could've reconciled with Dhurke#but rejecting Amara when she's like 'well... i can channel him so you have that shot' out of fear and discomfort#and then she just channels Dhurke anyways and he gets strongarmed into talking it out#like idk about you but i actually find the concept of people continuing to channel Dhurke like. kind of so grotesque#let him be dead. let him rest. let them /accept/ it#i think that's part of the healing process too#i might write this eventually bcs I think it’s interesting
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IF JET DOESN'T LEARN HIS LESSON THAT THE FIRE NATION IS FULL OF NORMAL PPL TOO THE FUCK THE ASSHOLE, KILL HIM IMMEDIATELY
About How, yeah ok i trust him. For now. But I'm too busy suffering bc that zukka reunion better include both of them being conscious and codependent or I'll jump off a tree. Not a high one, bc idk how to climb trees, but I'll jump
And talking about zukka... Author. Author of my heart. Author of my heart and life. DON'T FUCKING TELL ME AZULA IS TAKING ZUKO TO THE FIRE NATION. HELLO???? I trust azula will have at least a very tiny care for zuko, bc she's not inherently evil like her dad, but like... Zuko won't fucking survive that much, c'mon. You've put that bou through the ringer, what else do yiu want to do to him. C'mon. COME ON
-Fragile heart
Jet gets a free pass to do whatever he wants soooooo *sticks out tongue*
Zukka reunion will be dramatic because everything in LIAB is dramatic because it’s just a dramatic fanfic & I like it that way… & long so TWO PART reunion yippie. (I can’t promise conscience but I can assure you codependent)
You make it sound like azula would WANT to take Zuko back to the FN…. like wha would she do with him? “Here father here is the brother you tried to kill but is somehow still alive and now slightly unhinged? I hope you didn’t have plans to be the phoenix king or anything because you gotta deal with this first?”
Ozai doesn’t wanna see Zuko he already killed him once, or ummm he let zhao do it which obviously worked out greattttt
FHA you’re hilarious but also it would be funnnnnyyyyy. (& dramatic)
#I’m sure azula has compassion way way way wayyyyy down?#but she is so conditioned to block out any emotion I don’t see her looking out for Zuko#not at this point#she dealt (or didn’t) with zukos death already#he’s gone#no longer a part of her life in anyway#so she’s planned everything without him there#then what? he shows up?#scarred half to death with a sparkling personality and a water tribe boyfriend ?#I don’t think azula appreciates unexpected things#& that is VERY unexpected#I don’t see her being too happy about it#but I also think she’s smart enough to know there would be NO gain in taking Zuko anywhere#I also can’t see Zuko wanting to go anyway near her or the FN after what happened to him#at least not at this point in his healing process#or ummm lack of healing process haha#he needs time and I don’t think azula or Zuko wanna be in the same room let alone the same nation right now lol#FHA#fragile heart anon#leave Jet alone he’s HURT#yeah yeah Zuko too but this isn’t always about him#liab#itf#ask
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After 9 years of missing dance, I finally went and tried out an adult ballet class last night. It was so wonderful and honestly very easy and low-key, being a beginner class, which is exactly what I need right now as it’s more important to listen to my body and not push myself than ever before since btw, y’all, I’m pregnant! Due this Christmas ☺️
I’m trying out a beginner jazz class tonight too and I’m so excited. I won’t be able to keep up with jazz as well as ballet (due to the pregnancy I’ll have to sit out anything with movements that are too sharp/jostling and some floor work), but since this is a super beginner class I think it’ll be fine and a great refresher.
Jazz has a special place in my heart; it’s what I fell in love with the most as a kid and was the most empowering and meaningful for me, but I was forced to give it up because of it being too “sexy” (though even the sexiness/sassiness of jazz was good for me back then as a traumatized kid because it gave me the opportunity to take back and own what had been taken away from me). I’ve had some more experiences with jazz here and there since then that convinced me it felt like coming home, but I’ve never gotten to really reclaim it. It’s what I’m hoping to really pursue after my pregnancy because I want to feel that freedom and power again and proclaim to the world how much I’ve healed.
#thoughts#dance#the trauma tag#I don’t update much here anymore#or anywhere 😅#but I wanted to share this#some of you have been here and walked alongside me throughout so much of my healing process#so I want you to share in my victory too#both this pregnancy and taking dance again are huge huge milestones for me#that really show how far I’ve come in my recovery/healing journey#i still feel like I have a long way to go#but all the intensive therapy and work on healing the inner child/parts of me has paid off#last year I was able to try aerial silks#which was an amazing experience#a perfect way to push and challenge myself and experience something dance-adjacent#while still learning to carefully listen to my body and pace myself#something I don’t think I could have done in a typical dance class#but I knew I’d find my way back to dance#and take what I’ve learned with me#baby
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#tonight or tomorrow morning actually is the 4 year anniversary of my dog dying and like surprise surprise lol im still not over it like.#i honest to god dont think i ever will. i honestly dont know how people move on and get other pets and just. keep on living like i#understand it like for some people it's part of the healing process but i just could never do it. like i just cant even fathom#i dont know that's not the point. the point is im having such a hard time because everytime i do anything tonight i keep thinking#4 years ago i still had my dog or 4 years ago in 5 hours i didnt know id be going to the vet at 1am and going home without my dog at 5am#and i just keep reliving it no matter how hard i try to not. and on one hand i want it hurt like i want to remember it just to punish myself#i just i just cant move on like it's just. i went 24 years of my life without ever experiencing death and then 4 years ago today my dog dies#in the most tragic possible way ever and then 11 months later my other dog who i had for 17 years since i was 8 dies and yeah still#not over that one either because i never let myself process that or truly grieve her because i had to shut that up real tight#or i would have lost it for real. and i have the most fucked up miserable tragic dreams about her so many nights a week#because she was old and had been u know. like old dogs do they just decline and that was impossibly hard to watch but at least i kind of#knew it was coming u know but like with my other dog. there was just absolutely no warning it was so sudden and it just ripped me apart and#i honest to god will never be okay again and then 6 months after all that i find out my ex died and only because after 6 years i finally#Finally decide to have the guts to talk to him again and apologize and explain and try to be friends and then nope he's dead#then in between all those deaths a super close family friend died and my grandpa my dad's dad died and like it's just#i had never even experienced death before and then all of a sudden i was engulfed in it and i just dont know how to come back from it.#but tonight is just. painful. like i havent even said his name out loud since it happened. i cant talk about him at all just writing this i#want to cry like it just fucking hurts forever. and it should i guess.#and i feel so stupid because so many times i wonder if my cat even remembers them and i wonder if she misses them too and idk#that makes me feel stupid and emotional and im just a wreck but i should be.
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Actually pookie, that question was for me, so I would have appreciated if you answered it :-*
#the ssum#henri#henri's route#damn his route is starting to be a “this you?” route#down to the part of being afraid of the healing process too#on the other hand I want to punch the MC#I think I'll make a rant post about it lol#at some point#I'll let her be until I'm done with the route
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Healing (Alexia Putellas x reader)
A/N: This took me a lot longer to finish than I hoped but it’s done. Grab a drink and get comfy because it’s a long one, in fact I think it’s my longest fic to date.
The world had its questions and you were well aware of the headlines.
Y/N Y/L/N quits football.
Where is Y/N Y/L/N? Here's what we know.
The best in the world has vanished.
If you find Y/N tell her Sarina is looking for her.
The last twelve months had been the hardest in your life. You thought you could prepare for it, that it would easier because you knew it was coming but that wasn't the case. The day it happened was the day your heart broke and as you buried her you knew you were burying part of yourself too.
You left the world speculating as to why you didn't extend your contract with Lyon, why you never signed for another club and more importantly people were wondering where you had disappeared to.
Both your club and country team mates knew about your personal life and the tragedy that happened shortly after the euros.
You missed football, of course you did, but you also needed to take time away to process what had happened. A return date was never set but then the world cup happened. You watched your team mates cry after losing to Spain and you couldn't help but feel partially responsible. The game might have ended differently if you had played.
A decision had been made. It was time to return to the pitch. You had offers before and after the euros. The only question is what teams would still want you?
The sun was setting in Barcelona as the team finished up a late training session. Most of the players stayed behind to take advantage of the free food given they knew once they got home they wouldn't have the energy to cook themselves.
“Lucy your phone is ringing” Ona shouts over to where the English defender is filling her plate.
“Who is it?” Lucy replies.
Ona’s face floods with guilt. Almost as if she shouldn’t be looking at the phone. This sparks interest of those around her but no one more than Keira who sees the name on the screen.
“Y/N” Lucy all but ran back to table after hearing Keira say your name “is everything ok? Where are you? Yes I’m with Lucy. Before I hand you over promise me that you’re ok? Good”
Keira hands over the phone and watches Lucy’s face as she tries to figure out why you called and what you are talking about.
“Yes there are people around me. Ok, I’ll ask”
When you hang up the phone Lucy does as you ask or at least she makes the first step.
“Alexia” Lucy walks around to where the captain is sat with Mapi and Ingrid “Who would I talk about signing a new player?”
“It’s not our job to recruit players but if you know something that might help the club then tell me and I will ask” Alexia wasn’t stupid. She heard your name and now Lucy was asking this. It wasn’t a coincidence.
“I can’t. This is a sensitive subject”
“Vale. Talk to Jona and if he thinks the player is right for the club then he can set up a meeting”
Alexia left the training facility that night thinking of you. You were at the peak of your career, many people considered you the best in the world and if she is being honest she thought you would win the Balon d’Or, not her. That night Alexia watched your highlights for hours, even the ones in the games against her. You really were a once in a generation player which makes it that much harder for Alexia to understand why you walked off the pitch at Wembley and hadn’t been seen on one since.
The next day at training the energy felt different. Lucy and Keira had a sense of happiness that their team mates hadn’t seen before. They would gather around Lucy’s phone but then hide it when somebody came close to them.
Jona came walking into the gym with Xavi Puig right behind him and called over both Keira and Lucy. A couple of players watch the conversation unfold and tried their hardest to read their lips.
“Ingrid, what are they saying?” Mapi nudges her girlfriend.
“They’re talking about Y/N Y/L/N” Alexia was stretching on the floor playing no part in the eavesdropping.
“How do you know?” Ingrid asks her.
“She called Lucy yesterday and then Lucy talked to me about the club signing a new player. I can’t know for sure but that’s what I think is going on”
A couple of days later you landed in Barcelona, greeted by the warm weather and your two England team mates who kept a low key appearance in the arrivals hall. You stop when you are a meter away them. You didn’t know what to do, you hadn’t seen them in almost a year.
“Come here” Lucy throws her arms around you followed by Keira.
“We’re so happy to see you Y/N. We really have missed you”
You remain quiet as you walk to the car. Both of them fill you in on what the team is like and you make sure to remind them that you haven’t officially signed yet.
“Jona mentioned that. You want a trial training session?”
“It’s the right thing to do” you didn’t want any special treatment. You wanted to earn the right to play for the club and not just be handed the contract.
“You could have not played football for 5 years and still run rings round all of us” Lucy knows you the most having played with her at both club and country. You were too humble in her eyes so she took it upon herself to remind you of your greatness from time to time.
“I never said I haven’t played football. That has been the thing to get me through the past 10 months” you didn’t mean to be a downer, in fact you didn’t know what you were saying until it was too late.
“How are you doing?” Keira asks from the front seat and you see Lucy eyeing you up in rear view mirror.
“Some days are harder than others and no day has been easy. She would be happy that I’m here though. She always said that if I didn’t go back to England then she’d want us to come here”
You couldn’t bring yourself to say her name.
“She always did hate the french winters” Lucy laughs at the memories she shared with your wife.
Your mind goes back to just a couple of years ago. Lyon were playing at home and the weather was awful. You saw Natalia in the crowd shivering but still she cheered you on, she always was your biggest fan. Come rain or shine, your girl was in the audience. You hated the thought of playing without her being in the crowd but you also knew she wouldn’t want to give up your career.
“Y/N” Keira gently nudged your knee. It was obvious that you were taking a trip down memory lane and she didn’t want to scare you.
“Huh” you quickly wiped away a tear “Oh we’re here” you grabbed your backpack and jumped out of the car leaving them in the front not knowing what to do.
“Let’s leave her be. She knows we are here and will come to us when she’s ready”
You were in awe as you walked the halls of Joan Camper. The things the team has achieved were that of greatness. It was a club that created legacys and you found yourself feeling something that you hadn’t in a long time; excitement.
Lucy and Keira lead you to the locker room just as they were instructed to. The rest of the team were already out of the field which was part of the plan. There hanging in a corner locker was a training kit for you. You didn’t expect it and you definitely didn’t expect to have been given your number.
“You did this?” You ask the pair.
“Salma did. The team knows you called Lucy and when Salma heard to locker room rumours of you joining she insisted. Between us she is a big fan of yours, bigger than Luce”
“Not possible” the defender joked.
The boots were fastened and you were ready, well almost ready. There was one thing you wasn’t prepared for. You looked down at your necklace. It was a simple gold chain that held two rings: yours and Talia’s.
“I can’t do it” you slumped down in defeat and bury your face in your hands.
“Hey” Lucy crouches down in front of you “they let us wear jewellery for training, you can keep them on”
You walked out onto the field and all eyes fell on you. You felt like a spectacle and you hated the attention. They didn’t know the current version of you, they had only met the old Y/N so you channel her and introduce yourself to them during the next drinks break.
“I know some of us have met as opponents but this is different. I’m Y/N, it’s a pleasure to meet you all, I hope I can keep up” you make a joke hoping to avoid the elephant in the room.
“We’ll see about that. I’m Alexia” She is the first person to you.
“Lovely to meet you Alexia”
It’s hard to explain the feeling when you’re playing football. It’s as if you mind switches off whilst also been completely focused. It take a few attempts to get into the rhythm that is Barcelona football but you catch on quickly. It comes as no shock to the rest of the team that you play in complete sync with Lucy and Keira. The two of them even stay back at the end to work with you on some movements that you weren’t pleased with.
Some players go shower but a few stay behind, albeit out of sight, and watch you.
“She has a gift” Alexia says to nobody in particular.
“Nobody has seen her in over a year and this is how she is playing. Look, she is running rings around them. How is that possible?” Patri adds.
“Does anybody know where she was?” Pina asks the small group.
“No but I could ask Ingrid or Caro to ask Ada. They are best friends and surely you would tell your best friend where you are going” Mapi forms a plan in her head, one that she will soon find out to be a bad idea.
“Do it” Alexia tells the defender “We are a family here and if she joins us then we have a right to know where she has been”
When Barcelona posted a photo of you signing a contract on their socials the world went crazy. The media were relentless and the fans were quick to show their support for you even though some were skeptical about your sudden reappearance and new team.
You ignored them for the most part as they had no idea what had happened. You fit into the team almost right away and was enjoying every game with Barcelona. You scored on your debut and had been involved in a goal every game since. Months had passed and much to your surprise you had only been asked about the missing year once or twice.
Caro refused to ask Ada about you and Ingrid only did when her girlfriend became obsessed with finding out the truth. Ada’s answer was simple ‘I won’t tell you and if she doesn’t want you to know then you should respect her wishes’.
You remained a mystery though and for the most part the team seemed to forget about your missing year.
When the second international window came that is when things changed and you felt like you made a friend. Mapi still wasn’t representing her country so she reached out and asked if you wanted to meet up for a coffee.
Anybody could easily be intimidated by the blonde but you liked her. She had this energy that made you know accepting her invite was a no brainer. That and you had questions of your own.
“How did you know?”
Mapi places down a a small coffee in a glass; a cortado.
“I asked Keira what you ordered”
A comfortable silence took over as the two of you sipped on your coffees. You found it funny the way Mapi looked at you then her coffee and back to you again. You recognised the signs; you were making her nervous. Why though you had no idea.
You decide to make the first move and you get straight to the point much to the defender’s surprise.
“I spoke with Ada”
This got her attention. You had your suspicions but the look on her face confirmed it. Still, she played along.
“That’s nice. You’re very close, no?” Mapi tried her best to look innocent but you weren’t having any of it and the look on your face told her that.
“She had an interesting conversation with Ingrid. Do you happen to know anything about this?”
She did. You know she did.
“No” you got a sheepish look from Mapi and you wondered if she knew how unconvincing she was being.
“I think you did. I think you got Ingrid to ask Ada about me”
“Lo siento”
“Here’s the thing I don’t understand. I know you all want to know, you’ve been whispering about me for months yet not one of you has come to me and asked me directly. You have been going behind my back trying to dig up information about a time that I clearly don’t want to talk about”
Mapi dips her head. She truly thought that her and the team were been careful but obviously not.
“Maria, I want you to put yourself in my shoes. Would you want to talk about it with strangers when you barely talk to your best friends about it?”
The defender thinks about it for a moment. You had barely left Lucy and Keira’s side but she hadn’t really heard you talking, you were always listening to what they were saying and replying when necessary.
“It was bad wasn’t it?” She asks.
“The worse year of my life” you confess and you can your throat close at the thought of the months in question.
“We are in jail?”
You cannot help but chuckle at her words.
“No, I was not in jail”
“Did you kill somebody?”
“No, I did not kill anybody”
“So no crimes were committed?”
“Is that what you have all come up with? That I broke the law?”
“Most of us, yes. Aitana think’s you were in the hospital because you were sick”
Her response came at the worst time possible. You spit your coffee out when you hear the midfielder’s suspicion.
Technically she was right. You were in the hospital but you weren’t in the hospital.
“I wasn’t sick”
“Clearly. Look at you, you’re huge. I mean you are big. No, you are strong”
“Calm down Mapi, I know what you mean. Thank you”
The two of you stay in the cafe for another hour. You take this time just the two of you getting to know one another. You ask Mapi about her tattoos and she learn’s you have a few of your own which are hidden on your back. When she asks for their meaning you promise you will tell her the stories another time.
You both walk to the metro station and by coincidence you end up of the same train. You get off before her and just before the door opens, Mapi grabs your hand.
“I’ll get them to stop. You don’t owe us an explanation, Y/N”
“Thank you Maria”
You’re not sure what the tattooed defender said but the whispers stopped or so you thought. They stopped whispering in front of you but little did you know the speculations were still going on behind your back. It is early in December when things come to a head and you snapped.
“What do you mean she is staying Spain?” Alexia asked Salma.
“That she is staying her in Barcelona. She said she might go to Valencia for a few days but that’s it” the forward wasn’t sure what to say or if she should have said anything at all.
“And you don’t think that is strange? This is woman who used to love England. The fans called her Queen of England, por dios. How can she be apart of this team if we know nothing about her. She is lying to us” Alexia ranted on and who knew how much longer she would have continued if not for Lucy interrupting her.
“Alexia, that is enough!” Lucy slams her fist on the locker before turning to her captain “She has come to this team and done nothing but good. She plays well for us and gives it her all on the pitch. Off it she makes the effort and yes sometimes she says no to things but isn’t that her right? You stand there as our captain but look at you, you’re nothing but a bully. I am ashamed to say i’m your team mate right now. That girl has been through hell these past couple of years and since coming here all you keep doing is reminding her of what has happened. You are obsessed with her. Look around, no one else is digging for information. No one is making her uncomfortable on a daily basis”
“She is lying to us. She won’t tell us where she was for over a year. She is hiding something and that isn’t fair on us” Alexia tried to defend her actions.
“Isn’t fair? Are you really that self centred? You have no right to talk about what is and is not fair. I don’t care if you are my captain, I won’t stand by you while you treat my best friend like she has done something wrong. You, Alexia, are a —“
“Lucy” The whole locker room turns upon hearing your voice “I have given up on Alexia, it’s time you do too”
“No! I won’t let her talk about you that way. You don’t deserve this”
“No I don’t but —“
“Y/N” Lucy begs you to let her fight you case.
“Walk away Lucy”
A stare down takes place between you and Lucy. A few seconds later the defender grabs her stuff and leaves the room. To everyone else you are calm and collected but Keira recognises the look in your eye, you are furious.
“I want everyone to listen to me and listen good. My past is none of your business. To those who have let the obsession go, thank you. To those that haven’t” you look Alexia dead in the eye “I want nothing to do with you. I will remain civil on the pitch. Other than that I ask you to stay away from me. That’s if you can respect my wishes. I know it has been hard so far”
You quietly gather your things and try to ignore the multiple sets of eyes on you. With each second you can feel your chest getting tighter and you know it is only a matter second before you will no longer be able to control your breathing. You just needed to get out of there, away from prying eyes.
The hallway is the furthest you get. Your mind was filled of flashbacks, the moments that you tried so hard to bury. The past was not a pretty place, not the last year, but you know that it was only a matter of time before it came crashing down on you.
“Y/N, are you ok?” Mapi and Ingrid are by your side, clearly the couple had left just after you.
“Natalia, she, she”
Ingrid and Mapi shared a look, who was Natalia? They had never heard you mention a Natalia before. Both of them didn’t know what to do. Whilst you had become friends with the pair, they didn’t know you well enough to cope with this moment.
Luckily for them Keira appears out of nowhere. The English woman clearly equipped with what to do.
“Get Lucy, now!” She whisper shouted and Ingrid goes running hoping to catch the defender before she leaves.
“Keira—Natalia”
“I know, I know. We can talk about her later if you want. Right now, I need to focus on me. Can you do that?”
You nod your head as tears flow down your cheeks.
“What happened?” Lucy rushes over to you.
“We found her on the floor. She kept talking about Natalia”
“She told you?” Lucy asks shocked. She knew you wasn’t ready to tell them team but in a state of panic you might be let it slip.
“No. She only said her name” Mapi says. She couldn’t take her eyes off you. This wasn’t a panic attack, no she had seen one of those before. This was something much more intense.
A few minutes pass and Keira manages to keep your breathing under control but you’re still not ready to move. Lucy, Mapi and Ingrid stay close making sure to tell anyone who passes to keep moving.
“What is going on?” Alexia asks with concern, a concern that doesn’t reach Lucy in fact her asking is the worst thing she could have done.
“Get away from her” Lucy is up on her feet and pushing Alexia backwards. She would has fallen to the floor if not for the wall behind her “This is all your fault. You see this, you see her, this is what you have done to her”
“Lucy” you reach up and take her hand. The defender used her strength to pull you up.
You, Lucy, Keira, Mapi and Ingrid walk towards the exit of the stadium.
“Y/N” Alexia’s voice is soft and it is only now that she realises she might have taken things too far.
You turn around to face the Catalonian. For the first time since arriving you make no effort to hide the pain you have felt on a daily basis.
“I want nothing to do with you Alexia”
A week had passed and Alexia started to worry about you more so than she wanted to let on. Lucy and Keira were visibly worried about you and kept an eye on you at all times. She was confused at how things got this bad. Yes, she knew that maybe things had been taken too far but you didn’t show rage, your energy radiated nothing. You were numb. The Barcelona captain had no idea how to make things right with you.
You wore a smile on your face in front of the cameras and fans but behind closed doors it’s liked you switched your emotions off. Alexia asked Mapi about you but it seemed that even her closest friend was on your side. The zaragozian and her girlfriend had become close with you since the incident and Alexia didn’t understand why.
One night she found herself knocking on Mapi’s door hoping to find out how things got so bad.
When the captain was let in there is an evident scowl on Ingrid’s face which Alexia did not expect. The Norwegian excuses herself stating that she needed to go to the supermarket.
“Mentiroso” Alexia says to herself.
“Watch it Alexia. She has her reasons” Mapi jumped to her girlfriend’s defence.
Mapi leads Alexia over to the kitchen table and gets a glass of water for the two of them.
“You’re here about Y/N, aren’t you?” her captain nods “I don’t know what to tell you. What happened in the locker room was bad Ale. We didn’t leave the stadium when you thought we did. Y/N used everything in her to make sure Lucy didn’t do something she would regret. I don’t know what happened during those months but whatever we think it is, it’s so much worse. I shouldn’t be telling you this but she kept mentioning Natalia, I don’t know who that is but I think something happened to her”
Alexia thought she felt guilty about the way things went down with the two of you but that failed in comparison to how she was feeling now. To think that you were grieving someone and her questions were it worse for you, well it made her feel ashamed.
She knew that she hadn’t been the most welcoming. Yes, you and her got a long on the pitch and yes, you were ok at training but she hadn’t made the effort she should have to make you feel at home in Barcelona.
“I don’t know how to fix it Mapi. You know I like her, I think she is amazing—“
“You were her biggest fan” the blonde teased
“But what if I’ve ruined any chance for being friends with her? What if what I’ve done is undoable?” Alexia ignores Mapi comment seen as though she knows she cannot deny it.
Mapi was at a loss for words. She always has had her friend’s back but there was something about you which made her want to protect you and Alexia was someone that you needed protection from.
“You need to give her space Alexia. This week alone I have seen you walk towards her then walk away at least 6 times. Y/N even asked me why you were doing it. You’re making the girl feel uncomfortable”
Alexia mentally scolded herself for her behaviour which in her defence she did not think anyone noticed.
“So space?” Alexia asks.
“Space” Mapi confirmed.
Alexia found it hard at first because she wanted nothing more than to make things right with you but she did as suggested, she gave you space. She saw you start to come out of your shell a bit more as December rolled on. The day game before the Christmas break you were playing in Madrid and that is when Alexia heard you discussing your winter plans with Keira.
“Keira, that’s a sweet offer but I’m sure. I’m going to stay in Barcelona, it is my home now”
The Catalonian took a little comfort in knowing you had grown the love her city despite the hostile behaviour.
“Y/N, it’s Christmas. She would want you to be home for that” your friend asked.
“I don’t know if I can handle going back for Christmas. It would hurt too much”
It felt wrong for Alexia to eavesdrop on your conversation so she leaves out of respect.
“She wouldn’t want you to avoid England. The two of you spent years in France and both of you said coming home to England was your favourite thing to do”
“Keira, stop. It was our favourite thing. There is no more our, no us. It’s just me”
Keira could see your hands shaking. This is the first sign of your panic attack so she drops the subject. She does suggest you going away with them for new years and you said you would as long as it isn’t in the UK or France.
The team had one last recovery session before the winter break and it’s safe to say when it was done everyone was more than happy to go home. You wished everyone a Merry Christmas and without knowing it, Alexia is included.
“Feliz Navidad Alexia, por tu y tu familia”
“Gracias Y/N”
To Alexia this was a gift in itself. Maybe you were opening up to idea of forgiving her. After that you quickly grab your stuff and run off to where Ingrid was waiting for you.
After that interaction, Alexia couldn’t stop thinking about you. She also thought she was hallucinating when she saw your name appear on her phone screen. In the rush of leaving the training facility you picked up the wrong bag, only realising when got home a few hours later and your shirt had an 11 on instead of a 7. You texted Alexia asking if you could meet up to get your stuff back. Alexia, at that point was already at her mother’s house so she sent you that address and told her mum that you were coming over.
You tried to ease your nervous as you drove to your captain’s mother’s house. It was going to be awkward, this much you knew but regardless of the place you and Alexia were in, you wanted to make a good impression on her family.
The knock was gentle as you stop on the door step.
“Y/N, hola. Adelante”
You didn’t know that word meant but you put two and two together and guessing in meant come in so that is what you did. Eli leads you to the living room after telling Alba to go get her sister. Eli headed back into the kitchen and left you in the living room. You didn’t want to take a seat, it wasn’t that kind of visit so you looked around and a wall of photos gains your attention.
Alexia couldn’t have been more than 7 years old. She was adorable. Next to her stood her younger sister and behind her, her parents. You didn’t recognise the man so you assume Alexia’s father works away a lot as you have never seen him at a game.
“That’s Jaume, Alexia and Alba’s father” Your cheeks flush in embarrassment at being caught stooping.
“And your husband” you turn to face the woman “I haven’t seen him around, does he work in a different city?”
“Jaume passed away a little over ten years ago”
She is a widow, like you. That is the first thing you thought. In that moment you had so many questions for her but this is a woman you had only just met. It’s not exactly the small talk she would be expecting. The two of you go quiet and you guess she is thinking about her lost love, just as you are thinking about yours.
Alexia comes downstairs, your bag in hand but stops at the door was upon seeing you in conversation with her mother. Alba nudges her forward but she doesn’t move. The two of them watch you.
“Does it ever get easier?” The question was out of your mouth before you could stop it.
The two sisters share a look. They had no idea what you were talking about and by their mother’s response, she didn’t either.
“Que?” As expected, the question catches Eli off guard.
“Living without the person who promised you forever” you turn to face the older woman with tears falling down your cheek.
“Oh Querida, come here”
You feel comfort in her arms and for a brief few seconds you forget that she is a stranger. In this moment she is someone who understands your pain and that is more than enough for you. When you pull away you see Alexia and Alba, you feel extremely exposed.
“Hi. You must be Alba” you wipe the last of your tears and extend your hand towards the younger Putellas.
She swats away your hand and pulls you into a hug.
“So formal” Alba laughs “you’re even hotter in person”
“Alba!” Both Eli and Alexia scold her.
“What? I’m being honest”
“Thank you, I think. Is that mine?” You point the bad Alexia is holding.
“Yes. Sorry for the mix up”
“No, no. It was my fault. I was running late for dinner with Ingrid. I left yours in the hall as I wasn’t sure where to put it”
Alexia stared at you almost as if frozen in place.
“Was I not suppose to do that? I can go get it for you”
“This is the most you’ve spoken to me since joining” Alexia was honest with what she was thinking.
“It must be the Christmas air” you laugh a little “speaking of, you three clearly have plans so I will leave you be”
Eli tries to get you to stay but you can’t. The woman knew too much and even though shared the same pain, you knew it was only a matter of time before the pity eyes came. You also didn’t know how much the two sisters had heard.
Alexia asked and asked what the you and her mother were talking about but the woman refused to tell. The only answer Alexia got was to be careful with you and that not all is as it seems. It seemed to be enough for Alexia but she wasn’t giving up on you, not just yet.
She kept an eye on you over the Christmas break and just as you said you stayed in Barcelona. Alexia all but stalked your Instagram and even went as far as texting you some recommendations. You felt something towards the midfielder and it made you think that you might have been a little harsh on her. You made a mental reminder to speak to her once the break was over.
The first game back was away to Bilbao and it brought you the perfect opportunity to speak to Alexia as the two of you were roomed together. It was late by the time you got there so everyone went straight to their room.
“Oh Y/N I don’t know what happened” Alexia says as she swiped the room key.
“What are you — oh I see”
There was only one bed, albeit a large double bed.
You hadn’t shared a bed in almost a year and you wasn’t sure if you were ready for it. Now you had to find a way to explain this to Alexia.
“I’ll sleep on the floor” Alexia suggests and even though you weren’t ready, you also knew you wasn’t going to let her do that.
“Alexia you are one of the most important players on the team. I cannot let you sleep on the floor. Take the bed, I’ll take the floor”
“Y/N, you are important too. You are our highest goal scorer. I am taking the floor, don’t argue with your captain”
She refused to take no for an answer and you hated it. When you came out the shower Alexia was on the floor and it looked awful. It was almost funny and you couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Don’t say anything. Bed” Alexia laughed along with you.
The room was dark except from the street lights then peaked through the curtains. Sleep wasn’t coming easy to you and by the sounds of tossing and turning, Alexia was struggling too.
“Alexia, come sleep in the bed” The thought of having someone sleep next to you wasn’t something you necessarily wanted but Alexia sleeping on the floor wasn’t fair.
“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable”
There was something in her tone. She wasn’t talking about sharing the bed with a team mate, she was talking about sharing a bed in general.
“She told you” Eli had to have told alexia about your conversation.
“Who?” Alexia asked even though she knew you were talking about her mother.
“Your mother. She told you about what I said”
“I asked but she didn’t tell me anything. I’m sorry that something happened to your friend”
You sat up upon hearing her condolences.
“My friend. What are you talking about?”
Alexia, now sat up too, looked at you as if saying you know what I’m talking about.
“Natalia?”
She said her name. Nobody had said her name. They knew it would cause too much pain.
In that moment you are brought back to the last time someone said her name. It was the 5 November 2023 in a hospice not to far from your shared home in London. Natalia was the strongest woman you knew and no one would ever come close to her in your eyes. Yet just after Euros she told you that her time was coming, that the cancer was starting to win. You begged her to fight, you weren’t ready to lose her but you knew that you had been on borrowed time for many many years. The last person to say her name was a nurse as your wife took her final breath before she was called home.
“She was my wife” you could feel your nose twitch as a ball of emotion built in your throat. You knew the day was coming when you talked about her but you didn’t think it would come in Bilbao with Alexia now sitting at the foot of your bed.
The Catalonian knew she heard you correctly but she still sat in disbelief. She had no idea you were dating anyone let alone you were married. Alexia could do nothing but watch as you bury your head in your hand as your body racks with sobs. She wants to hug you, to hold you and to tell you to let it out but you weren’t that close.
When you aggressively wipe your eyes you notice Alexia looking prettified and you cannot help but burst of into a fit of giggles.
“I’m going to go get Lucy or Keira or anyone else who isn’t me” your captain panics and makes a bee line for the door. She is stopped in her tracks as your hand grabs her wrist.
“You don’t have to”
She didn’t believe you and that was made obvious as her eyes dart back and forward between you and the door.
“Isn’t this what you have been wanting? To know why I walked away” you pat the side of the bed next to you.
You saw the hesitation is Alexia’s eyes. In that moment she wanted to respect your boundaries and you appreciated that but for the first time in a while the thought of talking about Natalia didn’t make you feel like you would break.
Once she sat down you turn to face you and you saw the look many people had given you. She felt sorry for you.
“I didn’t know you were married”
“Not many people did. We never hid anything. If you look you’ll see her in a lot of photos, she always supported me” you get comfy knowing that this is going to be a long conversation “I’m a private person and all I ever wanted to do was protect her”
In that moment Alexia understood for she too was a private person. She knew that she was in the limelight but she still kept herself to herself off the pitch.
“How did she—“ Alexia stopped talking as soon as she realised what she was about to ask “sorry, I shouldn’t have said that”
“Leukemia” you closed your eyes, took a deep breath and counted to three “she first got it when she was six. We used to take the day off school to go to the hospital. She would call me her emotional support friend” you laugh as you remember the way she made you wear a badge “she won the battle only for it to come back when she was 16 then again at 28. The third battle was the hardest for her and it was the one she lost”
Alexia caught the way you couldn’t look at her whilst you talked about the hardest times of your wife’s life.
“She sounds like a strong woman”
“Oh she was the strongest. She went through so much yet you never would have known it. Natalia had this heart that was big enough to like up the whole world. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her. She supported me in the youths teams, was in the stands when I made my Arsenal debut and moved to France with me when I signed for Lyon. She said she’s followed me everywhere because she knew I’d be lost with her”
When Alexia sees you laughing, she joins in too.
“Things got bad just before the euros. I was so close to withdrawing but she begged me to go. She wanted to see me lift that trophy and I did, I did it for her. I didn’t know how bad it was until afterwards and I made the decision to be by her side. We did all the things on her bucket list. A couple of months later she couldn’t fight it anymore. Her strength was gone and the light was barely there. I was able to be by her side as she took her last breath”
Alexia didn’t stop you as you got off the bed and made your way towards the window. She could tell by the way your hand went straight to your face that you were crying.
“You wanted to know why I walked about?” You turned to face her and in that moment, knowing what she did, Alexia felt guilty. Guilty for reminding you of the loss you had suffered.
“I walked away because I didn’t feel like I had a purpose. For so many years I played for her. I scored to see a smile on her face and I won my trophies so that I can give her my medals. I couldn’t return to Lyon without her and it felt wrong being in England”
“Y/N I’m —“
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry. You didn’t kill her, the cancer did”
You hated it when people told you they were sorry for your loss. Why? Why are they sorry? You heard it so many times that it made you numb.
Alexia could tell that you were feeling a lot right now. She wanted to be there if you wanted to talk more about Natalia but she also knew the importance of changing the subject when it’s needed.
“Can I ask you a question?” She looked at you with a sincere gaze.
“You can. Is it about Na—“
Alexia shakes her head.
“Why Barcelona?”
It is a question that she had been desperate to know. You have now told her why you weren’t ready to go back to Lyon but plenty of teams would have offered you a contract if you announced your return.
“I said it wasn’t about her but turns out it was. Talia loved Spain and Barcelona was her favourite place. I honestly thought I would retire at Lyon but she always said that if she could pick a team I play for them she would choose Barcelona. When I decided to come back, it felt right to sign for Barcelona. Also, Lucy and Keira are here. As you have seen, I have depended on them quite a bit and I knew that it wouldn’t be easy so having someone who knew made everything easier”
You could see Alexia processing what you had told her.
“I’m happy you don’t play for Lyon anymore”
“Yeah, you might be able to beat them now”
Alexia stared you down and you wondered what her next move would be. Turns out you didn’t have to wait long because a pillow soon smacked you in the face.
You both burst into laughter when the pillow fight turns competitive.
“We really should be getting some sleep” Alexia says as she stands.
You took a second to think.
“You can sleep in the bed Alexia. I won’t freak out you know”
“Y/N I can’t. Not now”
“Oh stop. I’m not some fragile little doll that will break if she shares a bed with someone. Now get in bed”
You pull the duvet back and pat the bed. It is only when Alexia gets in that you realise she is on your side and you are on Talia’s.
“You know this is my side of the bed” Alexia says as she gets comfy.
You had your reasons for sleeping on that side. You want to be closest to the door in case someone broke in. You wonder if Alexia has a reason.
“Got to make sure no one comes in and kidnaps you. Buenas noches Y/N”
You fall asleep that night with ease. You no longer feel the weight of keeping your emotions at bay and having Alexia knowing the truth makes you feel at ease around her for the first time since you joined the club.
From that day on things were different between you and Alexia. You found yourself spending more time with her than you did with Lucy and Keira. The two of them found it strange but didn’t question it. Whilst the defender was still very much protective over you, she did see a change in her captain which lead to her giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Life in Barcelona was finally what you imagined. Even in January the sun was shining and the sky was blue, unlike the weather you have been used to. The pain in your heart was still there but for the first time in a long whilst you felt happy or at least the closest thing to it that you could feel. Alexia has invited you to family dinner which happened after every other home game. Her mother and sister made you feel welcome. You had become rather close with Eli as she would often reach out to talk to you and check in with you. She didn’t need to say much, the fact that she could understand was more than enough.
Alba was quite the character and there was never a dull moment with her. She would relentless tease her sister and it had you holding stomach with laughter.
You had received some calls that made you think about a few things. You thought about talking to Lucy and Keira about it but you knew their decision would be biased so you confided in Alexia one night as the two of you walked Nala along Barceloneta. She helped you work though the feelings that the question brought up and by the the time you arrived back to your apartment, which you learnt was in the building opposite to hers, you knew what your decision would be.
During the game against Atleti there was a certain Dutchwoman in attendance. It was the second to last game before the Nations league semi final, a game that England has got to by the skin of their teeth. Barcelona came away with a 2-0 win and a lot of the players stayed out on the pitch afterwards to greet the fans that came to support them.
Sarina stood near the locker room and praised the team as they entered.
“Are you here for Lucy and Keira?” Aitana asked as she walked down the hall.
Behind her walked the two English women, along with Alexia. The latter knew to expect her, it made sense for her to come see you in person. The other two clearly had no idea that their national team coach was coming.
“She isn’t here for them”
Alexia’s words cause Lucy and Keira’s heads to turn in surprise.
“Y/N’s still out on the pitch. She is playing with Irene’s son Matteo, shall I go get her?”
“No, I can wait”
Just as three of them were about to enter they hear your voice followed by a child’s laughter. You walked down the tunnel with Irene and her little boy. Sarina saw just how happy you were and for a brief moment she regretted coming. She questioned whether or not this is what is best for you.
“Gaffa” you saw the look on your team mates faces and chuckled. Surely they knew it was only a matter of time before Sarina came knocking “Let me get showered quickly and we will go”
“But we’re going out tonight. It’s team night” Aitana sulked.
“I’ll meet you guys there”
Alexia and you shared a look. She knew what this conversation was going to be about and she was pretty sure she knew what the outcome would be and she was worried. You squeezed her shoulder and smiled before going into the locker room.
It was over 3 hours later that you finally enter the restaurant that the team were eating at.
All heads turned to you as you walked through the door. The seat reserved for you happened to be next to Alexia which you don’t think was an accident. Lucy and Keira were sat opposite you and you see the look of suspense in their eyes. They hadn’t officially been told what you and Sarina were talking about but they had very good guesses.
The rest of the team were having their own conversations and you didn’t want to make a scene so you nodded your head and that was enough confirmation for them.
“Yes!!” Lucy stood up suddenly and slammed her hands on the table.
“Holy fuck. Lucia, sit down”
Lucy does as her told.
“Our captain is back” Keira said to herself.
You tried your best to include yourself in the conversations around you but your mind kept wandering. You found yourself staring off into the distance. It is only when you feel a gentle hand on your thigh do you realise just how spaced out you were.
“Is everything ok? Did your coach say something because if she did then—“
“Stand down Ale” Alexia’s eye soften at the nickname. It wasn’t a new one for her but you had only just started calling her it and she loved it “I’m just thinking is all. What if I’m not good enough? What if I don’t have a place in that team anymore?” You lean into her and whisper.
“Y/N, they are your team. Yes you took some time away but you lead them for a long time and you told me they knew your reasons. It might take some time to get back into things but you will soon be back to how you were before. Besides if things go well for both of us then we will have a World Cup rematch on our hands and I want to see what might have happened if you played in the summer”
Oh you didn’t think about that. You hadn’t given your upcoming opponents a second thought. Alexia was right. If England beat France then they will face Spain in the national league final.
You thought there might be some awkwardness when you walked through the doors at the England camp but you couldn’t have been more wrong. Each player welcomed you with open arms and the players that you didn’t know as much treated you like everyone else did.
There were a few moments when you got pulled aside by Sarina for what she called her mental health checks. She promised that nothing said between you would be told to anyone else and you chose to believe her. You were honest about how heavy the shirt felt when it had the England badge on and you told her of the nerves you were feeling about playing for your country again.
Alexia had kept texting you to check in and for the most part you told her the truth. It was the day before the match when you got overwhelmed and instead of lying, you chose to ignore her. You knew it wasn’t fair but wanted to stay focused. You could bury your feelings for 24 hours. Alexia on the other had wasn’t going to give up on you.
“Alexia” Jenni nudged her friends leg “Earth to Alexia”
The woman in question had her eyes glued to the her phone as you sent you yet another message.
“What do you want!” Alexia snaps.
“Hey, don’t snap at me. Who you texting? Is it a girl?” Jenni peaked over her shoulder.
“No” Alexia pulled her phone closer to her chest “It’s Y/N”
“Y/N Y/L/N is a girl last time I checked” Jenni couldn’t help but tease.
“She but I don’t like her like that, well I do. Wait! I don’t” Alexia slumps down in her seat “Oh Jenni, I don’t know how I feel”
Jenni hasn’t seen her friend like this in a long while. Normally Alexia knows what wants and isn’t afraid to go for it. This though is different. It’s almost like she knows what she wants but she is hesitating and Alexia doesn’t hesitate.
“It’s ok not to know but something is clearly bothering you. What is it?”
“She is ignoring me”
“Last time I saw you you told me she didn’t want anything to do with you”
So much had changed since then and she didn’t know how to explain it. In the end she told her everything she could without going into the finer details. Alexia confesses her feelings and explains that she cannot get a hold of you and that none on your team mates were answering either.
“Alexia, I may not know why she stopped playing football but I saw the way she played, she loves the sport. Her playing for England again is a big deal. Everyone is talking about her press conference she did this morning, it’s all over social media”
Alexia wasn’t aware of a press conference. She never goes on social media the day before a match because it is quite often a distraction. Jenni picks up on her friend’s obliviousness and gives alexia her phone so she can see what is being said.
Jenni was right. You are everywhere.
Y/N Y/L/N makes her return but what does it mean? Why now?
Sarina Weigman confirm Y/N is the captain of this team despite turning her back on them.
Beth Mead ruled out for Semi final, should be back for final if England are successful.
World Cup rematch? Y/N says that Spain wouldn’t have won if she was playing.
Alexia read headline after headline, article after article. She was beginning to feel overwhelmed so she couldn’t imagine what you must have been feeling. The last headline made the Catalonian laugh because she too had thought about what the outcome might have been if you were playing.
“I think the last one is a stretch” Jenni mumbles.
“We will never know” Alexia is ever more determined to get a hold of you. Just as she was about to call you again, a message comes through.
Hi. Sorry I haven’t been around, it’s been a lot. Thank you for checking in on me Alexia, I promise you I’m ok. Good luck in your match tomorrow.
“She’s ok” Alexia tells Jenni as if the forward was the one who was worried about you.
The next day you wake up and are ridden with nerves. It’s not a familiar feeling and you know that you need to calm down before the game or things will end badly.
Despite protests from your team mates, you will start the game on the bench. It’s the right decision and you make sure to tell Sarina just that. Whilst the team’s recent performances have been spotty to say the least, you refuse to walk back in like nothing had changed. You know you need to earn your place on the pitch with the lionesses.
Spain’s game has an early kick off and finishes just after yours starts. The team get back to the hotel and have organised to watch it the hotel bar. Much to Alexia’s dismay she is called for Media seen as though Spain won and have qualified for the Olympics.
When she finally joins the team she knows that the first half is over but that’s it.
“What’s the score?” She asks anyone who is listening.
“2–0” Ona says.
“That’s—“ Alexia is cut off before she can finish her sentence.
“To Germany” Jenni knows that Alexia would have wanted England to win if for no other reason than you “Y/N is going on for Toone”
She cannot help the smile that tugs at her lips as your number goes on the subs board.
The world watches as Mary runs over to you and gives you the band.
“Welcome back skipper” Mary pushes the band up your arm before you can stop her because she know’s that is what you’ll do. She was there in the captain’s meeting when you told Sarina that you didn’t deserve the captaincy.
“Game on, Maz”
It felt right being on the pitch and wearing the three lions crest. You allow yourself to take in your return but only for a couple of seconds before you turn your attention to the game and the challenge that you face. 3 goals was a lot to ask for when Germany are playing as good as they are. It wouldn’t be easy and it would take everything you had but you never shied away from a challenge and you wasn’t about to start now.
After about ten minutes you found your rhythm and England were playing the type of football they are known for. It doesn’t take long for LJ to make a run and dance around the opposition. You have faith in her but follow her anyways in case she loses the ball. She doesn’t but Frohms does save her shot, she doesn’t save your rebound though.
“Get the ball” You shout to the Chelsea player.
When the match restarts, the lionesses are on the hunt. Shot after shot is taken but somehow the ball stays out the net. England get a corner in the 80 minute and you’re lurking on the edge of the box, ready to make your run. Popp is the one marking you because she has studied you new way of play since joining Barcelona. Chloe’s corner is pin point and no amount of research in the world could stop you from getting the second goal and tying the game.
Alexia finds herself up on her feet with Ona and a couple of your team mates when you get your brace.
“Vamos Y/N” she says.
“You do realise that we will face them if they win” Misa reminds her.
“Right now, I don’t care. She deserves this and I’m celebrating my team mate” Alexia didn’t care if she might face you in the final.
“She told you” Aitana whispers as she pulls her captain down to the sofa “That is why she doesn’t hate you anymore and why you’ve stopped interrogating her”
Alexia does nothing but nod. Her fellow midfielder didn’t need to know anything else and she doesn’t ask for it either. She accepts that the reason must be valid if Alexia has dropped her questions.
There are 4 minutes announced of stoppage time.
When you look up the the score board and see the number you get flashbacks on the euros final. You have been in this position before and came out victorious. Today was going to be no different.
It was huge mistake by Germany when Gwinn takes down Hemp about a meter outside the box.
In the past you have found yourself stood over the ball with Beth but this game it’s Alex who stands beside you.
With her hand over her mouth she gives you strict instructions.
“You’re taking it”
It’s not a question and you don’t argue.
“You have saved us tonight, now get your hattrick”
The amount of faith Alex had in you did wonders but it didn’t settle every nerve running through your body. Free kicks were your specialty, this wasn’t nothing new and the pressure was a familiar feeling.
As soon as you strike the ball you know it’s going in. It’s a hard feeling to describe but many call it shooters instinct, it had never been wrong and it wasn’t now. The ball floated over the wall and went in the further part of the top corner. The shot was unsaveable. You ran over to the bench, more specifically to Sarina, to celebrate with the woman who gave you space and welcomed you back with open arms.
“It’s like you never left”
Her words caught you off guard. For a brief moment you agreed with her but you got hit by the feeling of grief, you looked towards the family section and there was no one supporting you. Maybe some things hadn’t changed but a lot certainly has. When the full time whistle was blown your team mates ran towards you, all of the congratulating you on your performance and your first game back.
It was a weird kind of celebrations that night. The team was split, half wanted to celebrate getting through the final and the other half knew the job wasn’t done, they knew that the biggest task was yet to be faced. Spain had beaten them before and on the greatest stage, the UEFA national league final could either repeat history and England could rewrite it.
The team travelled to Madrid that night, only hours after the game. Upon arrival almost everyone went to their rooms but not you. You knew sleep wouldn’t come easy so you decided to wander the streets of Madrid. It had become a habit of yours, you would walk around and people watch. Every human had their own story to tell and it made you forget about yours.
You had no destination planned yet you found yourself stopping outside a hotel, the one you know from your text messages with Alexia, was the one the Spain team was staying at.
A lot of feelings were running through you and you saw this as the universe’s sign that maybe you should talk about them. You have confided in Alexia since Sarina first reached out to you, she knew more than anyone how you really felt about returning and you talked about this very moment, the hours after your first game when the past is very much present in your mind. You remember the words she told you ‘when that happens you call me’ so that is what you do or at least that is what you go to do.
“Y/N” you hear a familiar voice say. You turn to see Jenni, Irene, Laia and Misa walking towards you.
“Hi guys” your voice is quiet, shy almost and you cannot help the way your eyes scan for Alexia knowing full well that these are the people she spends the most time with.
“What are you doing here?” Misa asks you. The two of you hadn’t formally been introduced but you had scored a brace against her in the El Classico.
“I’m—“
“Here for Alexia” Jenni says with a knowing look and you cannot help but feel like she knows something you don’t.
You can only nod. Apart from Irene, you didn’t know these girls very well and the version of yourself that you show to strangers is very different to the one that your friends see.
‘I can take you to her. We are roommates” Jenni seems sincere with her words but you feel a pang of jealousy. Everybody knew that the two of them used to date, it shouldn’t bother you, you had no right to be jealous yet that is exactly what you were feeling.
You think about it and Jenni can tell you are thinking about it.
“She hasn’t stopped talking about you and I know she will want to see you. She was your biggest fan when we watched the game” Jenni added hoping to create some sense of comfortability.
“She watched my game?” You asked in disbelief. You thought you had no one but maybe you did, maybe Alexia was the someone that was cheering you on but instead of the family area she was cheering you on from the hotel you were currently standing outside of.
“She did. I think she forgot she was Spanish for a minute” Irene says which causes you to laugh.
“I doubt that but I appreciate the support. You know I shouldn’t be talking to you, you guys are the enemy now”
“Yet you came here for our captain, she will be your enemy too. Come on, I’ll take you to her. We wouldn’t want you to be spotted outside our hotel, just think of the optics” Jenni once again says.
“Ok” you nod your head a few times to solidify your answer.
The girls lead you through the hotel but only Jenni and Irene stay with you, Misa and Laia walk ahead. The longer you walk the more you begin wondering if this was a good idea. What if you are overstepping your boundaries. You had no right to be here and could easily be turned away at any point.
You enter the lounge area of the hotel which holds the majority of the Spanish national team yet your eyes search for only one. She see’s you before you see her and is walking over to you with a worried look on her face.
“Estas bien? What are you doing here?” Alexia’s arm rests on your shoulder.
“It was an accident. I was out for a walk and I ended up here” you explained.
“She was asking for you” Jenni says even though technically it wasn’t true. In her eyes she wanted to play matchmaker after it was made evidently clear that Alexia was hesitant to peruse things with you even though she had feelings for you.
“Is this true?” Alexia asks and you nod.
“We won, I returned, I scored, wore the armband and I didn’t have anyone is stands” you whispered so only she could hear you.
The look in your eyes changed. For the first time that night you showed your true emotions. Alexia didn’t need to hear anything else. She grabbed your hand and escorted you to the outdoor seating area. She sat down whilst your paced the patio.
“Y/N, come sit down” Alexia pats the seat next to her and you comply “Are you ok, really? What made you come here to me?”
“I’m not ok but I’m more ok than I thought I would be. It’s been quite a day, that game was —“
“Incredible. You changed the entire play”
“It felt right. I belong on the pitch with the girls, I should never have left” You didn’t register that you felt guilty about your absence until you said the words out loud to Alexia.
“You needed to. You had to process your loss and you returned when you were ready”
Alexia was very understanding, you had to give her that.
“That answers my first question but the second” the Catalonian didn’t want to push but there had to be a reason and until she heard the truth she was filled with worry. You had been walking the streets of Madrid, alone, at almost midnight.
“Why am I here?” You repeated it. Maybe you hoped that hearing the question again would help you figure out an answer, it did “I wanted to celebrate…….with you. I was surrounded by my team, people I consider family yet you were the one I wanted to call and tell about the game”
You dipped your head when you felt yourself getting emotional. You were suppose to be happy but with everything you were feeling you were overwhelmed. On top of what you were feeling you couldn’t ignore the way your heart beat twice as fast because Alexia was sat opposite you with her hand now resting on your thigh.
When you looked up Alexia noticed the the tears in your eyes and was quick to wipe away one when it fell.
“I shouldn’t be feeling this way Alexia, it is wrong” you met her eye as you made your version of a confession.
“You can be happy about playing football again Y/N. Natalia would have wanted you to be”
“Don’t say her name, not now” you shook your head and Alexia’s hand fell back to its prior place on your thigh.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep. I can give you space if that what you need” the blonde stands, ready to leave you be but you grab her hand and pull her back down.
“I don’t want space and that is the problem. I wasn’t talking about the game Alexia. I shouldn’t be feeling this way about you” you shook your head in disbelief. You were sure that your shot of happiness died with your wife but you have developed feelings for Alexia and could no longer deny it.
“Y/N” Alexia cupped your face so that you would look at her but when you did, her hand didn’t move.
“Ale” you melted into her touch. That very touch gave you butterflies and you enjoyed the act of intimacy.
The two of you went silent but each of your thoughts were very loud. Alexia glanced at your lips, you knew what she was about to do and you didn’t stop her. Maybe you should have, maybe you should have pulled away but you didn’t. You didn’t move when her lips hovered centimetres from your own, you let her kiss you. You froze in the moment, like a deer in headlights. It was only when you closed your eyes did you realise what was happening. The kiss felt like you were cheating, it felt wrong yet felt so right.
“You shouldn’t have done that. We can’t do this. It was wrong” you pushed Alexia away and stood up hastily.
You stormed away before Alexia had the chance to speak. All eyes were on you as you walked through the sea of Spanish players. Their eyes went from you and then to Alexia who was running through, trying to catch up to you. She was hot on your heels until you turned to face her. She waited a couple of seconds before taking steps towards you.
“Stop” you say but she doesn’t “No!” you held you arm out to further imply your seriousness.
After that she can do nothing else but watch you walk away from her. Her hazel eyes stayed on you until you were out the lobby doors and onto the streets of the Spanish capital.
Alexia was frozen in place. She has ruined everything by rushing but she felt something when she touched you, she felt a spark and that wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t feel the same thing she did. You told her that had feelings for her, you came all this way to see her. Those things meant something but maybe she had read it wrong, maybe it had all been in her head.
“Alexia, are you ok? You’re crying” Irene appeared in front of her. The woman in question was quick to wipe her eyes in hope that no one else would see her tears.
“I’m fine. It’s getting late, everyone should go to their rooms. We have a final to prepare for and we need to be at our best” Alexia walked away.
The two of you were very quiet in the upcoming days and were laser focused on the task at hand. Beat the opposing team and being the first even UEFA Nations League champions. Both of your team mates could tell something was wrong but they didn’t know what to do. Your team mates wasn’t aware of your late night adventures until Aitana texted Keira to ask if you were ok and told her that Alexia wasn’t after you showed up at their hotel. The English midfielder kept this to herself given that Lucy has only just got started talking to Alexia and there were a few players on the team who’s protectiveness could rival the defenders.
By the time the day of the final came around there was plenty of reason for concern but both teams knew that this is what you had been working towards. Yes, a trophy was on the line but it was the previous trophy that was the topic of conversation.
The first time Alexia saw you was when they arrived for the pitch inspection. You were near the goal with LJ, it has become a new pre match routine for the two of you. Well you did it the game a couple of days ago and you won that so the two of you gravitated towards the goal today.
Alexia wanted to go to you and that is what she was going to do until she felt a hand grab her wrist.
“Alexia”
She turned to face Keira.
“Leave her be”
“I didn’t mean to upset her. We were talking about feelings and then I kissed her, I couldn’t help it. It felt right in the moment” Alexia couldn’t stop talking. It’s like was making a confession and Keira would be the one deciding whether or not it was a sin.
Meanwhile the English midfielder couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Sure she had suspected something was going on between the two of you but she also had a strong sense that you wasn’t ready for anything knew. In her eyes you were still healing.
“You kissed her?” Keira whispered as not to bring attention to their conversation.
Alexia was about to explain further but Keira stopped her as she sure her other team mate coming towards them.
“Lucy is coming. I will talk to you about this later”
It was as if Keira flipped a switch. Her look of concern was replaced with a smile and she even put on a fake laugh so Lucy wouldn’t arrive to an awkward silence. Soon enough it was a gathering of Barcelona players yet Alexia could stay focused on what her friends were saying for you were beginning to walk towards her.
In your eyes you wanted to talk to Alexia and you knew you needed to. The other night was a lot for you to process but you did owe her an explanation for leaving, that much you did know. She looked good as you watched her enter the pitch. You let your eyes linger in the most discreet way possible.
“You and Putellas?” LJ asked you. She wasn’t aware of what happened, nor did she know you were married. In her eyes, you were hiding something and she wasn’t wrong.
“We are friends…..I think. It’s complicated” you admitted knowing that Lauren wouldn’t push you further.
“Uncomplicate it” she suggested.
“If only it was that easy. Let’s head in and get ready”
You felt the change in heartbeat again as you got closer to where Alexia was standing. Your head might have been all over the place but you heart was being very clear in what it wanted only you weren’t ready to admit it.
“Y/N” Alexia shouted to you as you walked past her.
“Hi” for whatever reason, you pulled her into a hug “Good luck today, you’re going to need it”
You both started laughing at the quick change of energy.
“I don’t think it’s us that need luck. We beat you in the summer” Alexia was cocky but she wasn’t confident.
“You didn’t beat me though” you couldn’t help but smile at her.
Your smile was genuine and that is something Alexia took great hope in seeing. Maybe you weren’t mad at her, maybe you just needed a little space.
What you said next doubled that hope.
“Come find me after the game”
Then just as quick as the hope was there, it wasn’t.
“We need to talk”
Those 4 words struck fear in Alexia but she didn’t have the chance to say anything because you were already down the tunnel by the time she came to her senses.
Your was brought up several times in the Spanish locker room and each time all eyes fell to Alexia for she is the one that knew you most. She had learnt how you think, what plays you are going to make before you make them. In her team’s eyes she knew how to stop you. Only it wasn’t that easy. Alexia did knew how you play but that style changes when you are hungry, like you have a point to prove and this game brought both of those things.
“Stop focusing on Y/N! If you focus on how to stop her then you’ve already lost. Focus on stopping her from getting the ball” That is the last thing she said before heading out into the tunnel.
The lionesses were waiting for her, she expected it. It was an intimidation tactic. You weren’t there and that was a surprise, she would have bet good money that you would be in the starting 11. Mary stood opposite her and smirked when she saw the look of bewilderment on the opposing players face.
Alexia wanted to say something, she kept looking back at the team. If she was paying attention she would notice that there was only 10 players on the England side of the tunnel. With her eyes now facing forward she didn’t see you walking towards the front of the line. The sound of your cleats fell on deaf ears.
Her head shot to the side when she caught a glimpse of you standing next to her with the pendent in your hand.
“Capital Y/L/N, nice to see you back where you belong” Alexia covered her mouth, her being well aware that there were cameras on her.
You shake your head at her greeting.
“Captain Putellas. You’re going to wish I wasn’t” you had one last attempt to get in her head.
“No I won’t. Win or lose today, this is something the world, myself included, has been waiting for”
You thought you would get a smart remark not a reply that was genuine.
“Alexia”
“Y/N”
Those were the last words spoken except from a good look after the coin toss.
You called a huddle before everyone got into place. This game was important, not only because of the trophy on the line but it was the lionesses chance at redemption. To prove that it was only one game.
“I want you all to do something for me. Play for right now, not for the past. You cannot change what happened in the summer, no matter how hard you try. Winning today won’t get you the star on the shirt but it can be the reset you guys have been wanting. That loss has been haunting you, I can see it by the look on your faces and I promise you here today that if you play with revenge in your hearts then you will fail. Yes, this is Spain but we are England. We don’t stay down, we get up and fight. We stand together as a team, a pride. We go out there and leave everything on the pitch”
Each player is hooked on every word as you give Mary the signal.
“England on three”
You all come together one more time before getting in position.
Alexia tries to do the same by most of the team is watching you.
“She is going to make it hard” Olga tells her captain.
“She is going to make our lives hell for the next 90 minutes but that’s not to say we can’t give it back. Look at that star on your shirt, we got that by beating this team. Yes, Y/N wasn’t playing but she is one player. As good as she may be, we are better. You’ve seen what everyone is saying, they are calling our World Cup win a fluke, that we didn’t win but England lost. We may have qualified for the Olympics but our job is not done. We have a trophy to win. Vamos Espana”
Just like England did, Spain come together before readying themselves for the game.
The game which starts in the worst possible way for the away team. It seems the your players might be a bit more nervous that they are letting on. Inside the first 15 minutes Salma gets through on goal and sends Spain up 1-0. It wasn’t ideal but it didn’t mean the game was over either. You were playing safe, as a way to get the most out of the team around you. When the first half is done with you haven’t take a single shot on goal.
Spain entered the tunnel happy and England entered it less so.
The atmosphere was eerie in the locker room and you could see the self doubt radiating off your team mates.
Sarina takes the floor and explains all sorts of strategies but nobody is listening. They are in their own head.
“Do you mind?” You walk up to Sarina hoping to have a talk with your team. The coach happily steps aside.
“How many of you are thinking about the World Cup? Raise your hand” nobody does and you decide to call bullshit “You’re lying and I won’t have that. You are telling me none of you are out there thinking of the summer? the picture of them lifting the trophy that should have been yours?”
One by one players begin lifting their hands.
“I can stand here and say I haven’t been good enough. I need to be better and I will be better. In 45 minutes we will be crowned champions. The question is are we going to do it in style or are we going to make it harder for ourselves? We know what we need to do and we will do it”
You leave the locker room and go back out onto the pitch. You are the first one out there and you take a minute to look at the score board. 1-0. You hated to lose but more than that, you hated to let people down. You made the decision to come back and you didn’t do that to come second. You returned to be a champion and to make Natalia proud, you wasn’t doing to let her down. You had spent the past couple of days trying not to think about her and maybe that was the problem. She was your greatest strength, your biggest supporter and she may be no longer with you, you may be beginning to move on but that doesn’t mean you have to forget about her. No, you need to play for her just as you always did.
The first ten minutes of the second half it was like a different team was on the pitch. England were pushing and pressing and Spain were struggling. In the 67 minute was when the game was made even once again. You and hempo were tiring out the defence and it made them vulnerable. On one counter attack they couldn’t keep up. Irene was the only player standing between you and Cata but she could see Hempo running up beside you. She found herself in a lose lose situation so she stuck with you in hopes that the pressure would work, it didn’t. You pull her in just enough to give hempo enough space. At the last minute you passed to your left and she fired the ball into the back of the net.
Game on.
Spain were beginning to tire and the one touch football that was known around the world began to work in favour of England. They were unable to play out from the back because you, Alessia, Hempo and LJ was pressing the defence. It was mind play and it was working.
It was during a corner where things got interesting.
“Keep going!” You clapped your hands to rally the team “we are in their heads, now we end it”
“You’re not in our heads” Alexia says as she chooses to mark you. It was a tactic they hadn’t done yet, so far Jenni had marked you.
“Just you saying that is proof that we are but feel free to prove me wrong” you had a minute to talk as the ref walk talking to Lucy and Irene.
“I will. Let’s make it interesting. You score right now and I’ll buy you a drink later”
“So that means I’ll be taking the trophy and your money? Oh you’re on”
Alexia followed you are you walked around the box as you got into position. You would end up in one or two places; front post or in the middle. Never did she think you would make a run for the back post and swap positions will Lucy. The change caught Alexia out and when the ball hit the back of the neck she shook her head in defeat.
She had played right into your hands. You had pulled her in with your words and left her hanging when you celebrated what would go on to be the winning goal of the game.
You had to take a moment when the game was over. Everyone was celebrating but you and Lucy made the effort to congratulate your club team mates of a game well played.
“Ay, Capi. You’re predictable you know that?” Lucy threw her arms around the Catalonian.
“Lucy!” You slapped her on the back of the head “What she meant to say is you guys played a good game and that we will see you in Paris”
“We’ll see them in Barcelona” Lucy tried to correct you.
“I mean on the pitch as opponents, idiot”
Alexia was to focused on what the defender said first to hear the bickering that was now taking place between the two of you.
“What did she mean?” Alexia asked you.
Lucy gave you a look before leaving the two of you be.
“You once told me that in order to see yourself as the best, you had to beat the best. Tonight you wanted to beat me”
“No, I —“
“You did and that’s ok. I wanted to beat you too. It’s our competitive nature. That need you had allowed us a way in. I didn’t know it would come from a corner, only that in at least one part of the game you will stick to me just so you could say you got the upper hand”
“I should have dropped you off, let Irene pick you up and followed Lucy” Alexia understands the error she made.
“You should have but don’t beat yourself up about it. That wasn’t our first plan or second. Our plan was for Hempo to tire Ona out and for Lucy to get inside Olga’s head. Without those two things happening, we wouldn’t have got the corner in the way we did”
Alexia didn’t know whether to be pissed off or impressed that you read her and her team so well.
“You deserve the win today. Go celebrate with your team”
“I will but remember you owe me a drink. I’ll text you the address of wherever we go. Invite the girls too”
Alexia watched you walk away but there was one more thing she wanted to tell you only she feared it would do more damage than good. In the end she bite the bullet and ran to you.
“Y/N”
“Hi again” you laughed “Do you want another explanation of our strategy? We can always watch the game back when we in home in Barcelona”
Home in Barcelona. There is something about the way you said it that made alexia feel warm and fuzzy inside. She quickly shook her head to rid herself of those thoughts and the overthinking that came with them.
“I just want to say that Natalia would have been proud of you today. Not just today but the other game too. I know it’s not my place to say that because I didn’t know her but you should know that. You—“ Alexia began rambling.
“Breathe. Thank you for saying that. I know she is looking down on me right now with a huge smile on her face and truth is if I think about her too much then I think I might cry so I don’t want to go into that right now. Thank you though”
Alexia couldn’t help but feel like she shouldn’t have said that.
The ceremony went by in the blind of an eye. One minute you are waiting for Spain to collect their medals, the next you are raising the trophy with Mary. Back in the locker room you find yourself staring at the medal on your neck. Never in your professional career had one stayed on your neck for this long and never has the gold felt so heavy. It felt like it was weighing you down so you take it off and stuff it into your back. You would talk about that means with your therapist if you had one.
Later on in the night you found yourself at the hotel bar with the rest of the team celebrating. You tried your best to be happy and part of you truly was but you life off the field was becoming more complicated and hard to ignore.
“Excuse me” you tell the group that included Leah, Georgia, Keira and Lucy.
“Should we be concerned?” Georgia asks.
“Yes but let her have a moment. These past ten days have been a lot for her” Lucy tells her friend.
They watched as you paced back and forth on the balcony. To the English it was warm outside but there was still a chill in the air and you weren’t wearing a jacket. Keira kept looking at her watch asking herself how long is long enough before she goes out to you.
Some of the Spanish team arrive about an hour after the lionesses. Some of them go to the bar, some go to friend but Alexia, well she only had one interest and she couldn’t it or more specifically couldn’t find you. Her eyes scanned the room one, twice and third time. She had her phone out ready to call just as she sees you.
Leah catches her walking towards you and wants to stop her.
“What is she doing” The blonde asks defensively “Y/N doesn’t want anything to do with her”
The Arsenal player has heard about you bust up when Keira visiting England over Christmas.
“Things are different now but I’m not sure this is the right thing to do. Alexia!” Keira shouts her club captain over.
“Hola. Congratulations again. You guys sure know how to party” she tried to be polite even though she had no interest in a conversation with anyone who wasn’t you.
“Thank you” Leah seems genuine “Were you going to see Y/N?”
Alexia nods.
“That might not be the best idea right now. I think she needs a minute to herself. It’s been quite the day for her”
“I know. That’s why I want to talk to her” Alexia knew that you might be been struggling but to her that was all the more reason for her to talk to you.
“She won’t even wear her medal” Georgia adds earning her a shove. As far as the English players are aware, Alexia didn’t know anything.
“That isn’t surprising. Every tournament until this one she has given her medal to Natalia” Alexia says as if it is the most obvious thing but your friends didn’t put two and two together.
“Wait” Lucy says “She told you about her?” Again, Alexia nods.
“When? She hasn’t talked about her since she passed” the defender added.
“After Christmas” Alexia explains but goes no further.
“That’s why she went to you the other night but then you—“
“Keira, I won’t talk about that right now. I just want make sure she is ok and I can’t do that if I am being interrogated by you”
With that Alexia leaves your friends speechless and makes her way towards the balcony.
As quietly as possible, Alexia slides the door open and closes it behind her. She didn’t want to startle you so she watched from a distance. Your face wasn’t puffy so you hadn’t been crying but your posture was stiff so you were stressed.
“They’ve spent the past hour burning holes in the back of my head from their staring yet you have come straight out” you turn to see Alexia resting against the door.
“I owe you a drink and —”
“And yet your hands are empty” you point to Alexia’s hand which as you stated aren’t holding a drink “You can come closer you know. I’m not going to blow”
“I know it’s just that—“
“The last time we were along I ran away crying” you laugh as you think back to that night. Things were going really well until they wasn’t.
“Are you going to let me finish a sentence or are you going to keep talking for me?”
You mumble an apology and signal for her to continue.
“Your friends know I know and I accidentally told keira we kissed”
“Figures. She has been hovering”
The two of you go quiet. It’s not awkward, it’s comfortable but even then it’s not what either of you wanted.
“You said we needed to talk” Alexia didn’t want to push things and you had told her this before the game.
“We do. What happened the other night it—“
“Shouldn’t have happened”
“Who is finishing the other’s sentences now”
“Lo siento”
“As I was saying” you send her smirk so she knows she isn’t in trouble “The other night was very overwhelming for me, not because I didn’t like what happened but because I did. I told you that I had feelings and those feelings are for you Alexia. You make me feel things that I thought I’d never feel again. I promised my heart and love to her Alexia and to feel these things for someone else is like an act of betrayal. It feels wrong but I don’t want those feelings to stop. You kissed me and I knew it was going to happen yet I didn’t to stop it. I shouldn’t have ran away like that”
“It was a lot for you, I understand that” Alexia tried to reassure you that it was ok.
“It was but I should have stayed. You wanted to talk to me and I didn’t give you the opportunity. Just because I lost someone doesn’t mean that it’s only my feelings that matter. I’m sorry Alexia”
Alexia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Since you said the words ‘we need to talk’ she has been trying to think of all the things you could have said, an apology was not one of them.
“Can I say what I would have that night?” Alexia asks and you nods your head whilst closing the distance between you.
“Those feelings you talked about, I feel them too. Things changed between us after you told me and I couldn’t ignore it, trust me I tried. I was also aware of your loss and that this might not be something you are ready for so I talked to my mum one night. She is the only other person I know who has experienced the same loss you have. I told her that I had fallen for you and that I wanted to act on my feelings. You know what she told me? She told me that time heals all wounds but no amount of time is the same. If I wanted to prove to you that I truly liked you then I would need to take it slow so that is what I am willing to do. If you want to pursue this then we will take it slow, as slow as you need. You said it feels like an act of betrayal and I respect that. I won’t push you into anything you’re not ready for”
Alexia reached out for you and noticed once again tears were falling down your face.
“I have made you cry again. I shouldn’t have said anything. Y/N I am so sorry”
“Alexia, these aren’t sad tears” you reach for her hand “I can’t promise you that this will be easy. When Natalia died she took a lot of my heart with her and I don’t know how much is left but I want to share what I have left with you. Please be patient with me Alexia because I don’t know how to do this again. For most of my life it has been her and I but now I get the chance at happiness again, with you. We can take this slow?”
“We will go as slow are you want. I have nothing but time for you Y/N”
Alexia knew what to say and for the first time in a long time you found yourself leaning forward. Just as you were about to kiss her she moves and kisses your cheek.
“Slowly Y/N” Alexia winked causing you to chuckle “How about we go for dinner when we return to Barcelona?“
“I would really like that”
“Me too. Now if I remember correctly I owe you a drink” Alexia holds the door open so that you both can rejoin the party.
“That does seem to be the case. Make it a double. It’s not every day you pull one over on La Reina to score the winning goal” you shoved her playfully.
#woso x reader#woso imagine#woso one shot#alexia Putellas one shot#alexia Putellas imagine#alexia putellas x reader#barcelona femeni x reader#barcelona femeni imagine#barcelona femeni one shot#espwnt x reader#espwnt one shot#espwnt imagine
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Hear me out guys—Astarion and non-sexual physical intimacy in baths.
The way he would love washing the dirt off Tav/Reader after a really long day out adventuring? He would just drag you to the bath, complaining about how you stink or whatever as an excuse to dump you into the water. Sometimes he doesn't even bother taking your shirt off, he just chucks you in.
And you’re both technically undressed but at the same time it’s nothing sexual it’s genuinely just soft idiots trying to wash each other’s hair.
The way you could probably spike his hair all over the place with soap and he’d just sigh and roll his eyes before splashing water in your face.
And he'd talk through what he does to his own hair to keep it soft while massaging the same process into your own.
He’d probably prefer to hold your back to his chest in the beginning, so he can lean his head backward or rest his chin in the crook of your neck. But if you asked, he wouldn't complain about it being the other way around either.
He's never experienced being so close to someone else without it leading to sex, and he’s surprised to find that he absolutely loves it. Like it’s his favorite part of the day. When you two get to your room he's just standing next to the bathroom ready to pounce.
It helps him heal his relationship with physical intimacy too. Being able to just rush his hands across your skin with no expectations for something else puts him at ease, and it lets the two of you grow closer because you’re always telling each other what you're feeling or about your day while you bathe.
More importantly I also think he’s naturally very cold (being undead and all) so I think he puts the bath at an ungodly high temperature and you literally feel like you're getting cooked alive unless your arm is touching his or he’s holding you.
I will be thinking about this for a while goodnight 🙏😊
#astarion ancunin#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate astarion#bg3 astarion#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#astarion#bg3 x reader#fluff
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also, after every new one i hv heals completely im gonna chill for a bit, a few weeks or months, cos tbh even if its a tolerable and wanted soreness, constantly having to take care of fresh piercings can get a bit uncomfortable n tiresome. and i wanna take care of them properly and willingly!!!!!!!!! i rly rly wanna enjoy the process !! :D
#i have still BOTH of my ears to finish..thats a LOT !!!!#4 a while it wud b nice 2 actually sleep on both of my sides again & wash my face somewhat normally (=crudely) & b able 2 put no-rinse hair#products n not hv to watch myself constantly as 2 not touch fresh piercings etc etc.....#theyr all small things but if i rush too much or bite too much at once it can end up being 2 stressful 4 my pathethic brain#n that can lead to infection scarring or simply prolonging the healing process n making it more painful than it needs 2 be#whn i talk abt this stuff with ppl they tell me 2 my face im overthinking it n that im too 'intense' (their words) but its jsut tht..#im like this with everything that i love lol.. overthinking is part of the experience 4 me.. i actually.. LIKE it lol :|#i LIKE thinking a lot abt it and seeing the good and the bad sides. they complement each other. they are equally as important#i LIKE that it takes work#di4ry
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Pierced Perfection ~ Miguel O'Hara x AFAB! Reader
Content: Breast play and fondling, Miguel goes crazy over your nipple piercing, leg humping, MINORS DNI!
A/N: Thought about nip piercings which turned into thinking about how Miguel would react to them so here we are. Enjoy!
“Baby, can you come here for a sec?”
Miguel came into the bathroom at your call, “Yeah?” He noticed you covering up your chest with your robe and his brows lowered, “What's wrong? You okay?”
“Yeah, I'm fine.” You reassured him with a smile, “I have a surprise for you.” He gazed at you in question, watching you open your robe.
Two red stones caught his eyes, dangling from a silver ring that enclosed around your nipples. The piercing fit perfectly on your body, as if it was made for you. Miguel couldn’t stop staring at it.
“Wow. They look great.” He got closer, “When did you get them?”
“Around noon.”
You had discussed the idea a few times about getting nipple piercings. A couple of designs on the internet caught your eye and you thought it would be a good idea to get one. Your husband liked the idea as well. The two of you did research on the healing process, understanding that it could take up to 6 - 12 months for you to heal. In some people's experiences, it was much longer. Almost 2 years. You were a little worried about that, unsure how your body was going to react. But you wanted them. So you got them.
“It's just been tingling a little but it's not so bad so far.”
Miguel’s brows furrowed again, “Tingling is okay, right?”
“Yes.” You provided a pat on his shoulder for more reassurance, “The artist told me that's normal and it shouldn't take too long to go away.”
He nodded at that, eyes still going back to your exposed chest. Miguel’s hand twitching at the idea of wanting to touch them. Your breasts were one of his favorite parts of your body and you couldn't help but have a twinge of guilt at the unexpected surprise.
“I'm sorry. I should've told you when I was going to get them.” Your lips formed a pout, “So you could prepare.”
“No, it's okay.” It was his turn to reassure you with his gentle hands on your arms, “It's not the end of the world that I can't touch them-”
“Well, you can touch. Just not right now.” You clarified, “You can’t suck on them now though.”
“Oh.” Miguel took a moment before clearing his throat, “I'll be fine. I can give more attention to other parts of your body.” You smirked when his hand squeezed your ass cheek.
Miguel stayed true to his word, not providing any additional stimulation by mouth or touch while you were healing. Your man had amazing self control, even when it came to sex. He tried to stay away from making contact with your breasts. Not wanting to hurt you. If he was really feigning for them, he'd place his head between the valley of your chest. Warm tongue licking up the crevice, causing you to shiver.
You knew he truly liked them by the way he stared with fascination. Crimson eyes reflecting back at the jewelry with a semblance of similarity. How a distinct feature of him was also on you. It was a little embarrassing when he asked for a picture of your breasts. His reasoning was so he could look at them while he was at work. You were no stranger to taking pictures like that and sending it to him. But somehow your mind created a scenario of an innocent spider coming in to see your unseemingly naughty picture on display.
It was a big day when Miguel found out he could finally touch them.
You were extra careful in cleaning your piercings, knowing you were going to clean them again once your husband finished fondling. He placed you on the counter in your bathroom, your shirt pulled up above your chest. No bra as you were still trying to get used to your nipples brushing against the padding. They've been extra sensitive since the procedure. But you also haven't been touched like this for 4 months.
“Be gentle.” You warned, “I'm still a little…”
“I got you.” Miguel kissed the top of your breast. As a test, he motioned his thumb against the jewel. That simple motion causing shockwaves throughout your body. You bit your lip, already missing the feeling. He did it again with your other breast and you sighed in bliss. “You okay?”
You hummed, “Feels good.”
Miguel grinned, placing his palm against your nipple, creating a gentle circle. You gripped his shoulder to keep steady. Low moans escaping your lips from his touch. He stood in between your legs, watched you whine and whimper for him. While his hands carefully rubbed you. The large palm hitting a right spot on your nipples that made you squeeze your thighs around his waist. He silenced you with a kiss, drinking up your sounds of pleasure underneath him.
You pushed your chest against him, begging for more under his hold. Only for him to pull away, tugging against your bottom lip.
“They feel nice.” His voice low, eyes filled with lust.
You leaned forward again for more but he dodged your advances, chuckling. You purse your lips, hunger in your eyes. “Just nice?”
Miguel flicked your nipple, causing you to tremble, “Just nice.”
You wondered if you made a mistake in getting your piercings. Because your husband was very touchy. Even though he couldn't taste you yet, he loved playing with your breasts. Running his fingers over your erected nipples casually. Gently pinching them. Teasingly flicking the jewelry. He'd always ask if he could touch them, still considering himself as being a gentleman. Who loved playing with your boobs.
He was going to be ecstatic when he found out he could taste them.
You were feeling great one day. Your nipples healed up nicely after almost a year. You thought it would be the perfect time for Miguel to place his mouth on you. And you were also going to clean it later to be sure.
If he had a tail, you would see it wagging. His eyes lit up when you told him on a call he could finally place his mouth on them. Whenever he was ready to do so.
That meant now as he portaled back home, hovering over your body in bed. “Let’s go.”
“Wait a minute.” You sat up, holding in your laughter. “Don't you still have work?”
Miguel sucked his teeth, “It's not important right now.” He got on his knees, hands gripping your sides. Desperation clouding his eyes. “Let me taste.”
How could you say no to that?
You pulled up your shirt to tease but your husband demanded to take it off completely. So he could have room. Your heartbeat picked up in your chest, practically heard in your ears. Miguel licking his lips in anticipation. You closed your eyes as you felt his breath against your breast, gripping the sheets to stable yourself.
A whimper escaped when Miguel's tongue flat against your nipple. Done in a way where the tip swirled around your ring, sending sensations throughout your body.
“Finally…” He groaned while sucking on your nipple with care, “I missed this.”
A firm hand rested on your back before pulling you closer. Miguel provided extra care to your nipple, practically almost putting your entire breast in his mouth. He moaned as if he starved. Wanting to keep you there as he finally got what he was denied for almost a year.
Your whimpers turned into full out sounds of pleasure as his fingers twirled your other nipple, his nail scratching along your areola. He kept you in place, making sure you never wandered off far. Your husband was still in his suit as you felt the material against your leg. While in his pursuit of tasting you, you felt his hard cock. Hips grinding slowly against your leg. Muted groans along your breast.
“Tan bueno (So good)…” He muttered, “Sabes tanto (You taste so)…”
Miguel rutted against you, his tongue and lips taking turns messing with your nipples. His hard thrusts shook the end of the bed. Causing you to hold on to his body. Your hand deep into his curls while the other was on his shoulder. Gripping him tight as he continued. Grunting and groaning before suddenly stilling. He was cumming against your leg.
His mouth parted against your nipple as he came. Those crimson eyes rolling back in his head. And all you could do was watch. Tug against the strands of his hair to prolong his orgasm.
“You really missed them, huh?” You asked when he calmed down, his face still buried between your breasts. Panting against them. All Miguel did was nod, hugging you tight.
#miguel o'hara x reader#miguel o’hara x reader#miguel o hara x reader#miguel o'hara x you#spiderman 2099 x reader#miguel x reader#miguel o'hara smut#slushycoookie writes
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Can I request a fic involving a reader with a skin picking disorder, please? I have one that started up around the same time as my anxiety disorder started ramping up, and now my arms are riddled with scars. I've been trying to break the habit for years now, sometimes I do good but sometimes I don't and I'm so self-conscious about it all.
thank you for requesting sweetheart!! fem, 1k
Eddie thinks there may be no better feeling than your hand in his as Eddie lays on your shoulder. You have this thing about your arms where they can get a little sore from picking, so you can’t always let him lean on them. Good thing he takes his super hot babe angel any way you’ll have him.
“Super what?” you ask.
“My super hot babe angel,” he says into the top of your shoulder, slouched in the dark, TV burning his eyes.
“I missed everything you just said,” you murmur apologetically.
Eddie forces himself to stop laying so heavily against your side and gives you some space. He’s worried he’ll elbow you as he rubs the sleep from his eyes. “I asked if you wanted to go to bed, super babe.”
“Is that what the rock stars are calling their girlfriends?” you ask.
“Just me.” He clambers off of the couch with a groan. His hair falls in his eyes and he’s too hot for the weather tonight. “I’m gonna brush my teeth.”
You’d already done yours. You usually get ready for bed in one process where Eddie drags it out all night; you’re in your pyjamas with spearmint on your tongue already, while Eddie’s groggy and overdressed two hours later.
You go separate ways for a few minutes, the bed squeaking as you drop yourself in it, while Eddie puts his hair up to wash his face and brush his teeth. He takes his shirt off when he’s done, his jeans next, kicked into a pile by the hamper and ready for tomorrow’s laundry.
“That’s forward,” you mumble, having made yourself comfortable with his worst pillow, the blanket pulled back on his side of the bed in wait for him.
He rushes into new pyjama pants, eager to slide into bed beside you, though the sheets are a bit much. You’re still in your long sleeve tee.
Eddie knows what you’re doing. Most summer nights you wait for him to fall asleep before you take off your shirt, too hot to suffer it but too afraid he’ll see your arms. He has, of course, seen them before. He loves them just as much as any part of you, even if you hate them.
And he wants to see them to know you aren’t going too far.
“Shirt off,” he says, fingers on your hip. “Come on, super babe. Too hot for that.”
“Eddie…”
“Take it off, sweetheart.”
He wouldn’t talk to you like that if he didn’t know you’d say no if you really couldn’t handle it; he’d never force you to show your insecurities, even if he’s seen them and loved on them before.
You don’t bother sitting up any more than you need to, peeling off your shirt and shucking it onto the floor, leaving you in your tank top. Lengths of your arms exposed.
He can see the worst of it quickly. You’ve picked yourself bloody at the crook of your elbow and the scar at your wrist is irritated. Your non-dominant arm takes the brunt of it every time, but besides those two cruel places, the rest of your skin is unharmed. Scarred in places, but healed.
“Look at that one,” he mumbles, taking your arm, his thumb close but not touching the wound. “Does that hurt?”
“Not really.”
“Let me get something. You need a dressing–”
“Eddie, please don’t.”
Eddie likes smiling. He can be pretty moody, but you bring out the best in him. Even when you’re hurting, he has a smile waiting for you, locked and loaded. He shifts in bed so he can lean over you, weight braces on his elbow, his face in his hand. “What’s worrying you so much?” he asks.
“Everything.”
“It’s tough.” He blows a breath at your eyelashes. Your eyes shutter closed. “Babe, it’s really tough, but you don’t have to hide it from me.”
“It’s weird.”
“It’s not weird, it’s sad. It’s not nice that you feel so worried you start hurting yourself, but it’s not weird.” He leans down to kiss your furrowed brow, but he doesn’t quite get there, nose smushed to your hairline. “You’re perfect.”
“M’not perfect.”
“Yes you are,” he says, cupping your face. His hand is gentle, his kiss less so. He hopes it emphasises his point.
“Your hair is really tickling me.”
“I can’t go anywhere, I’m sorry. I have to stay right here,” he says, hand trailing down your chest to weave between your arm and side, and then soundly under your back. He doesn’t want a ring or bracelet to snag on your sore arm. “Give me a hug, super babe. Please.”
You bring your arms up tentatively behind him.
“I just wanna know when you’re upset,” he says.
“Sorry. I don’t really think about it, I just do it.”
“I know, but… this stuff doesn’t bother me. You don’t have to wait for me to be sleeping before you take your shirt off, you have nothing to hide from me.”
“It’s so stupid.”
He hates the shame in your tone. “It’s not stupid. We need to find better ways for you to feel better, that’s all.” His cheek rubs against yours.
He can rebuke your worries all night, but he doesn’t need to. He shifts onto his side to let you hug his chest with more force, your face in his neck, the cold tip of your nose and your warm lips. “I wanna be pretty like you.”
“You think I’m pretty?” he asks.
You hum a yes.
“Even though I always have at least one zit, and all those weird stretch marks on my shoulders, and my hair’s frizzy every day?”
“None of that stuff matters,” you say, startled.
“Exactly. None of this stuff matters.” He finds your arm to feel down to the sore scab on your wrist. “I just need you to tell me about it more often. Okay? Deal?”
You breathe in the side of his neck. “Okay, handsome. Deal.”
#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson oneshot#eddie munson scenario#eddie munson drabble#eddie munson fic#eddie munson fanfiction#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things#stranger things fic#stranger things x reader
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PAC - WHY SHOULD YOU FOCUS ON YOURSELF INSTEAD OF YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE RIGHT NOW ?
Just meditate and ask your guides/higher power to provide you insight.
Allow me to tap into your energy. 🧿
My readings are always honest and I don't sugarcoat things, pls read at your own risk. And try to have an open mind. 🙏🧿💕
Pile 1
Cards - 7 of wands, 6 of pentacles, 8 of wands
Are you in a hurry to meet them? Your future spouse? You are rushing things and trying to get ahead of your circumstances or the present reality. You know what pile 1? You still have a lot of parts unhealed of your soul. And this is not allowing you to fly freely as you should. You may feel like your fears are greater than you, but trust me they are not. You have all the power over your fears!
In the hurry of meeting them, you are forgetting your own self. You need to love yourself first before loving someone else. You should give yourself more time to think and process things. You should try to ground yourself in the present. Try to do root chakra and sacral chakra healing. Your fears have created some energy blocks which aren't helping you at all.
Don't worry, your desire of wanting to meet the one for you is being addressed by the universe. You will get what you want. But you need to heal yourself first. Clear your karma and self doubts.
Pile 2
Cards - 10 of pentacles, 7 of cups, 4 of pentacles
Pile 2 my loves, are going through a spiritual transformation or awakening right now. You can't miss any steps in the journey right? Please focus on healing yourself more.
Okay, so I can see that you are trying to manifest love and abundance in your life or you are just dreaming and visualizing about it. Let me tell you this one thing, that it definitely is working in your favour but you also need to break the walls of protection that surround you. You are scared to go outside and meet new people. Dear, please understand that you need to get out of your dreams and delusions and actually step out of your comfort zone to meet your future spouse.
Your future spouse on the other hand are too trying to heal their inner child wounds. They are saying that you need to get stable in life. You lack grounded energy and are underconfident about a lot of things. Please try to let go of any insecurities that surround you. Because they are hampering your growth, pile 2.
Pile 3
Cards : Temperance, 7 of wands, 5 of cups
Do you have this tendency to get depressed whenever you don't get any messages from the pick a card readings of? Don't be dependent for love on anyone, not even your future spouse. Love them, but stay away from unhealthy attachments. The reason of their no communication is because they are busy. They are working hard in their career right now. And you too should now focus on your career and goals.
Everything is well when taken in moderation. Balance love and career both logically and like a healthy human being please. You also have this tendency to run away from problems or sadness and indulge yourself in overworking don't do that.
Some of you could be in same sex relationships and you are thinking that things won't work out. Well, things would work out if you make them work out. Try to take bold decisions and stand for that decision.
Don't look back at the past, this is the final step to meet your fs. Just keep going.
Pile 4
Cards : Strength, 9 of cups, 4 of swords
You lack compassion for your own self. You are someone who gives everything to others but feels bad for giving it to yourself. You may connect well with plants and animals or just nature in general. Try to work on your self worth and don't critisize yourself too much.
You have many things to deal with right now. You have many parts unhealed. Try to relax and rejuvenate more physically as well as mentally and spiritually. It'll be good for your overall well being. Try to play with pets or just stroll in nature for sometime to refresh your mind.
You feel like there's so much competition somehow (?) And try to give yourself small rewards for accomplishing tasks. Try to celebrate your small successes please. You need to celebrate yourself more in order to attract the right partner for yourself.
You need to be in the energy of self love and good self worth to attract good partners who emit the same frequency. Do you understand? Lots of love to you.
#tarot reading#tarot blog#tarot cards#tarot#pick a card#tarot and astrology#tarot asks#pick a pile#tarot community#tarotblr#astro notes#tarot readings#tarot deck#kalki tarot#tarot spread#tarotcommunity#tarot services#tarot series#daily tarot#spiritual disciplines#divine feminine#divination#the divine masculine#channeled message#tarot beginner#tarot blr#higher self#spiritual awakening#mental health#healing
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deja vu | T.S
previous part | next part
or check out the series masterlist
summary; how well do we really know the people we love?
warnings ; dark!tommy, minor character death, description of violence , mentions of murder, arranged marriage!trope , slow burn, fem!reader
a/n ; please let me know what you think!
-
you tilted your head and frowned , you're both standing at the garrison.
"tommy..." you mumbled in protest
"i know" he nodded "it'll be very short."
you clicked your tongue and then huffed "if you take longer than ..... 30 minutes i'm leaving."
"ya won't."
"get out of my sight." you muttered , taking a sip of your drink.
you sighed, looking over at the place. it was fairly busy, but not stuffy. sounds of chatter and men laughing echoing around, the lighting is dim. you made your way to the booth you were in, sitting down , eyeing your drink.
"when i heard tommy was marrying again, i would've never thought it's celest's little sister that he's trapped."
you recognized the voice before even processing the words, you look up, your brows raised and smiling in disbelief "lizzie?"
she's standing there, looking over at you. her blue eyes studying every inch of your face, a face she hadn't seen in a long time. and you hadn't expected to see her here , of all places.
"what are ya doing?" she speaks softly. you know the tone, you get the meaning; what are you doing with someone like him ?
you stand up, your gaze never leaves her , still smiling. "lizzie... i've not seen ya in so long..."
since she got involved with tommy , that is. lizzie and celest knew each-other , went to school together. lizzie would sometimes stay over , whenever your mother felt she wouldn't be safe otherwise. until the war.
she chuckles, "ya 'ave your mother to thank for that."
you chuckled too, still looking at her. "how did ya know about it?"
she gives you a look, her dark brow raised "everyone knows. i just didn't know it would be someone like *you*"
you lick your lips, "lizzie i know ya two share.... a history"
she scoffs , a bitter smile on her lips "i don't resent ya for this, i wouldn't." she shakes her head "i 'ave given up on 'im... a long time ago." her eyes look away for a moment before landing on you "whatever ya think of 'im, whatever ya believe he is , he's not." she speaks with conviction.
you don't reply to that, you're just trying to know what she means by it.
"thomas shelby doesn't know love like we do, what he knows is ownership." she chuckles bitterly, "learned what that meant the hard way. but ya shouldn't go through what i did." she shakes her head softly
"i don't understand...."
she stays silent for a moment "consider this a warning from a friend, this man , *will ruin you* , and when that 'appens ya will not recognize who you've become but he.... he will remain the same, unchanged not matter how hard ya try. he will always be what he always was, no love in the world can heal whatever is broken in 'im."
"ya don't understand, lizzie." you speak finally, "this isn't simple, for either of us. i can't leave"
"ya can't or ya won't?"
"i..." you pause for a moment, letting out a chuckle "i can't."
she studies your face , nodding "what does celest think? what does oliver think?"
"they're not thrilled."
"i know 'im more than most." she adds "and if i
knew what i do now when i first met 'im....." she looks away "i came here because i knew you'd be here and to tell ya that ya can come to me... if ya ever need help."
she places a hand on your arm, looking at you one more time before turning and making her way out of the garrison.
"she was always a nice girl" your mother sighed, taking a bite of her food
you and celest look at eachother before looking back at her,
celest knew why lizzie talked to you , and so did the rest of your family
"where's abraham?" you nod towards anna
she shrugged , "he had to do something before coming here"
"ya knew who i dreamt of?" your father pointed his fork at you "that teller boy, jeremy was it?. it was the strangest thing , i tell ya"
all the women at the table tried to stay neutral, keep their reactions to a minimum, you try to hide your uncomfortable reaction behind your glass of water "it is strange"
the whole table looks towards the front door, the sound of the door slamming open and not slamming back closed, and the heavy rushed footsteps
"i need to talk to ya," he appears in the living room doorway. he puts his hands on his hips, breathing heavily as if he ran to the house. he's disheveled, he pushed his glasses back on his nose with a shaky hand
"jeremy teller is dead." he speaks in a hushed voice, looking around to check that no one is listening, both of you standing in your parents bedroom. he didn't want anyone to hear , especially not renee or she might just give birth on the spot.
"what? no he's not." you laugh, looking at him. waiting for him to finish his joke
he looks at you, wiping a hand over his face. he looks at you "he's fucking dead."
your laugh falters slowly as you look at him, your face twitching with different emotions "how ? when? how do you know about it?"
"i heard. they found 'im murdered," he tries to not speaks too loudly "his throat was slit"
you can feel your blood go cold "do they know who killed 'im?"
he tilts his head, his hands still shaking as they rest on his hips. "ya know who killed 'im."
"no....no." you shake your head, laughing again in disbelief "no no no, no" you look away and step back, putting a hand over your forehead "that's impossible."
"listen to me" he grabs your shoulders, turning you to look at him "he did it, all of small heath knows he did and ya do too."
"no , he wouldn't." you shake your head again, your heart beating so fast you can hear it. "why would he do that? he wouldn't ."
he moves you gently, sitting you down on the chair in your parents room. he kneels , his hands move to your face "what do ya wanna do now ?"
the room feels so stuffy, you can hardly breath.
"i don't know." your chest feels like it might collapse. you try to stand up, but you can barely feel your legs, you try to blink away the darkness that takes over your vision.
but you knew it was coming, the darkness does take over.
here you are again, staring at that portrait that hangs opposite of your bed. you're filled with dread , fear and even anger , your eyes trace the portrait that you've already memorized.
your head on the pillow, your sister sniffling is another reminder, like a deja vu of that cursed night.
but you can see someone else in your peripheral vision sitting in the chair , those cold blue eyes cannot be missed. its as if his presence filled the room with a cold sort of air.
you try to get up,
"lay down"
"i don't want to." you mumble, letting out a breath as you lean your back against your bed frame. your eyes still on the painting, you don't even glance his way.
"feeling better?" his voice sounds colder than you ever remember it being. the smell of the cigarette smoke making you close your eyes shut, making your head spin. you reach for the glass of water on your bedside table, your hands quiver as you bring it to your lips
"yes" you put the glass back down
"ya look pale"
"hmm"
you can't shake that feeling, you're scared of looking at him and seeing the same view you did that day, the blood on his hands.
"ya killed 'im." you're almost muttering to yourself,
he doesn't answer you, and you don't ask again. you finally peel your eyes off of the old painting, glancing at him. the look on his face gave you the answer that you already knew.
he looks so calm , so collected , almost wicked. "are ya scared now?"
and it was your turn to not answer his question, but your eyes never leave his.
"did ya do it yourself?"
"yes" he looks right back at you "you're already aware of what i can do"
you just shut your eyes, your hands shake as they grip into the covers
"forgetting it is your fault, not mine." his voice sounds again
you don't even remember the rest of that day, his words were replying in your head.
you snap out of that trance a day later, you're in the living room on the chair by the window. you look straight at the window as your mind tries to make sense of everything, and then a figure down the street catches your eyes and you feel a switch go off in your head.
i have eyes around here.
and you realize , probably ears too.
your clothes swish as you run out of the living room towards your parents' room, your mother running behind you. the old wooden floor cried under your rushed footsteps
"what happened?"
you don't even hear her, you don't process what she's saying. you pull out the box from under their bed, you rummage through it , pulling out your dad's revolver.
the cold metal of the gun feels like it's burning through your flesh
"what the fuck are ya doing? where did ya get that?" oliver yells , his eyes opened wide as tries to run after you too.
the whole house freezes, all of them just still as if the slightest movement would set that gun off
you push that door open , it slams against the wall beside it. your feel take you towards the man standing in the street , a figure you've seen lurking around too many times to chalk it up to coincidences
you cock back the hammer, your hands are steady for the first time since yesterday.
"ya tell tommy fucking shelby that if he doesn't get ya fuckers away from me , i'll start shooting."
you move the revolver and point it to the pavement , missing his foot by a hair.
-
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#kadwrites#tommy shelby x reader#thomas shelby x reader#thomas shelby imagine#tommy shelby imagine#peaky blinders imagine#peaky blinders fanfiction#tommy shelby fanfiction#thomas shelby fanfiction
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Part One / Part Two / Part Three (you're here)/ Part Four
A03
It ain’t much.” Wayne started, half-curious if the sight of his trailer would be the thing to offend Steve’s (so far lacking) born-rich sensibilities.
Of course turning to look at the kid proved he was in his own head about this more than Steve was, because Steve had his eyes closed and looked two seconds away from puking.
Right.
Pain management.
“I’ll get your stuff.” Wayne said as he guided the truck to its usual parking spot.
Steve’s quiet ‘okay’ had him hustling a little bit, and the fact he had to gently guide the kid’s hand off his bag handle told him it was the right choice.
The nailbat could wait in the car for the moment he figured, as he led Harrington in. He’d get it sorted once he’d fished out the pain pills and gotten Steve settled a bit.
"Eds--he's my nephew that I told you about--has the bedroom, so you and I get to share out here." Wayne explained as he loaded Steve up on Tylenol and put a bag of frozen peas in his hand, not bothering to give a tour of the trailer.
It was pretty damn clear which door led to the bathroom and which didn’t, given Ed’s door was wide open.
Steve peeked at the absolute chaos strewn about beyond the doorframe but didn’t say nothing of it.
Didn’t, in fact, even look too long, instead sitting at the table as directed.
Seemed to sink a little into it, leaning an elbow on the cheap wood to help keep his head up.
"The couch is a pull out, but I'll warn you the bar across the middle is nasty. I usually sleep on the cot over there," Wayne nodded to where it was rolled neatly against the opposite wall, "but given the state of you, I'll let ya have your pick."
Steve blinked (or winked, not like Wayne could tell since the peas were pressed against half of his face) finally seeming to perk up a bit. "I can't take your bed."
"I'm not going to fight you for it, I'm just offering." Wayne responded, now focused on trying to locate the bandages in his ancient medical kit.
The one on Steve's hand was falling apart, and he didn't like the look of the injury he could see under it.
Yeah, Wayne was absolutely going to need to make a run to the store.
“Lemme see.” He asked as he finally got what he wanted.
It seemed to take Harrington a minute to process what Wayne wanted, but he finally held out his injured hand, watching as Wayne unwrapped the bandages.
"I'll take the couch." Steve said stubbornly, but Wayne was past it, too busy frowning at the kid's hand.
It took him a moment, once he'd gotten it all off, to properly realize what he was seeing--that the mottled bruising on Steve's wrist was separate from the cut across his palm.
In fact, it looked a hell of a lot like…
Wayne paused, then pretended to fuss with the dirty bandages for a moment while his eyes sought out Steve's other wrist.
Sure enough, matching bruises.
Someone had tied the kid up--and it hadn’t been the feds, because these bruises were partially healed.
Wayne had initially thought of Steve as having been tortured in the same way roving bands of neighborhood kids tortured their peers. The kind of hurt that came when it was an unfair fight; four on one and wielding knives, so you had to take what you were given and pray you didn't get stabbed.
He was not thinking actual, honest to God torture.
Yet here the evidence was, plain as day.
'What the hell went down in that mall.'
Someone as young as Steve shouldn't have been caught up in it, and it made a deep part of Wayne ache for the poor kid across from him.
All this shit, and his parents still couldn't be bothered to come home.Just left him on his own, as if it was another Tuesday.
Did they even know? Wayne wondered as he got to work. Had Steve, or Hopper, or anyone tried to call them about the mallfire? Let them know their son got hurt?
Jim said he hadn’t bothered to reach out regarding the spooks, but that had been a week or so later past the fire.
Wayne couldn’t even imagine it.
Getting a call that Eddie been involved in such a thing would have him off the couch in an instant, and the image that played on the news, the ones all the reporters talked over of a gurney being wheeled out of Starcourt’s on fire front doors…
He’d have been a wreck until he had his kid in his sights.
‘Nothing you can do for that,’ Wayne figured silently, ‘but you can help him now.’
Wayne wasn't exactly an expert when it came to wound care, but like many people who just couldn't afford to go to a doctor he'd gotten by.
Learned a lot of home remedies. Figured out pretty quick when something needed to be seen by an expert and when you could hold off.
Made friends with some of the local nurses on the night shift down at the Red Barn, well enough that a few well baked treats and dishes could sometimes be traded for looking over a potentially broken arm or two.
It had come in handy plenty, given Ed’s ability to attract trouble, but thankfully he’d never managed to hurt himself like this.
He’d never even gotten caught in a bad fight.
A black eye or two sure, but the kid had adapted his “scary” act not too long after Wayne had gotten him, and it seemed to work as intended. It was half the reason Wayne never said anything about it (and hell, even let Eddie take his ancient leather motorcycle jacket.) .
All of that was to say that he could tell Harrington's hand needed cleaning before it could be rebandaged, but didn't appear to need stitches.
Course pouring alcohol all over an injury like this wasn't exactly going to be fun, and he told Steve as such.
"I know." Steve replied, with a grimace. The kid’s injuries seemed to be getting to him, and Wayne anticipated he was going to drop here the second Wayne was done looking him over.
He hoped Harrington could get in a few hours--particularly before Eddie came home.
Wayne gently wiped it clean, noting how well Steve sat given the amount of pain he had to be in.
Tylenol, even given the more than recommended amount he'd given Steve, just wasn't going to cut it.
Not in general, and definitely not for this.
What could help was likely something Eds had, which was yet another conversation Wayne wasn't looking forward to having.
Particularly given that Eds had sworn off selling hard drugs after his last encounter with Hopper, and Wayne knew damn well that had only lasted until the damn kid caught sight of an overdue bill.
Too smart for his own good, Eddie was.
"I can give you something to bite down on, if you like." Wayne said to Steve, getting the alcohol and bandages ready to go.
He got a tight smile in response. "So long as you don't use a needle, I'm good."
And Wayne figured it was just teenager talk--a young man who didn't really know how bad this was going to be, and prepared himself to hold Steve's arm down accordingly so they wouldn't have to do it twice.
"Four." Wayne counted down. "Three. Two."
He poured on two.
Better that than Steve clenching up in anticipation.
Steve hissed, arm jerking, but stilled it under his own power as Wayne began dabbing his hand with some of the medkit’s wipes.
He felt his eyebrow raise as Harrington froze himself in place, breathing in a way that felt practiced.
This, Wayne decided, was not Steve's first rodeo.
"Almost done." He promised softly as he finished wrapping the wound back up, this time in the pattern he'd been shown long ago.
"Thanks." Steve said, blinking rapidly.
The kid's eyes were wet, but he didn't let a tear fall, and that perked Wayne's attention more than anything.
Some men felt they weren't allowed to cry--and pushed the same ideals on their sons.
It wouldn't surprise him any if Richard Harrington was one of them.��
"I know you got hit more than just your hands and face kid." Wayne said, after letting Steve have a moment to recover. "You bleeding under that shirt?"
"Not bleeding." Steve murmured, looking more and more like he was struggling to stay upright now that the worst part was over. "I think my hand got the worst of it."
"Do I want to know what happened there?" Wayne asked, keeping his voice calm and non judgemental.
Like they were back to talking sports.
"I fell back into a broken window.” Steve responded, and now that Wayne had seen the kid lie, it was easy to see when he was telling the truth.
"Ouch." Wayne said flatly. Which made that hint of a smile flash across Steve's face.
"I'll cut you a deal. I taped last weekend's game, but haven't had time to watch it yet. I figure you might not have had a chance neither." He sat back, nailing Harrington with a no-nonsense stare. "You let me take a look at what they did to your chest n' back there, and I'll put it on."
Steve just looked at him a little miserably, a beaten dog still hesitant to wag its tail. "I don't think there's anything you can do for it, it's really mostly bruised. Nothing feels broken though."
"You know what broken ribs feel like?" Wayne questioned partially out of curiosity but mostly to make sure.
Teenage boys loved to think themselves immortal after all.
Or at least his did.
"Cracked, but yeah." Steve admitted. "Couldn't finish out the year on the basketball team because of it."
He said it like it didn't hurt, but Wayne knew better.
Boy like Steve?
He'd bet big bills something like basketball was all the kid really had, in terms of positive relationships.
(Except apparently, whatever had made Hopper decide to look after him.)
"I mostly just wanna make sure nothing looks like it's broken or bleeding internally son." Wayne said, then tried to cinch it with some good old guilt tripping. "I'd hate to have to tell Hopper that after all he went through to keep you safe, you up and died on my couch."
"Hey, it might save him some future gray hairs." Steve responded but he looked a little more open to the idea, at least.
It took a bit more coaxing, but Wayne finally got the kid to take his shirt off.
The damage had him whistling out of instinct.
A fucking artist had gone to town on his torso, with bruised of all shades parading around to his left side.
Thankfully most of it didn't hold that deep, dark tone that indicated any kind of bleeding, his back had scratches and road rash, and his shoulder had one long, thin line that looked a hell of a lot like Steve had narrowly avoided getting cut with a knife.
"You got lucky, kid." Wayne told him.
Steve let out a shaky breath. "I know."
He hesitated, then opened his mouth, a question clear on his face.
Which of course, was the exact moment Eddie chose to walk through the door.
"Hey old man, I--Harrington!?"
"Munson?" Steve said, looking just as confused. "What are you doing here?"
"I live here?" Eddie had frozen in their little entryway, so close the door nearly whacked him on the ass as it slammed closed.
Privately, Wayne cursed his nephew's awful timing.
"What are you doing here?" Eddie challenged back, and it was only years of Wayne knowin’ the kid to see he was struggling to decide how he wanted to react.
“Uh…” Steve said, trailing off and looking pointedly at Wayne.
Eddie saw this just as he registered all of Steve’s injuries. “Shit Wayne, did you hit him with your car?”
“Don’t try to be funny, boy.” Wayne warned. There wasn’t much bite there, and Eddie, far too used to him, didn’t take it seriously.
Eddie was glued to the spot, eyes narrowing, “... Did Harrington hit the car with his fuckin’ face? Jesus christ.”
Wayne could tell he was struggling to pull one of his usual little bits, eyes too wide and voice too high.
He rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Eddie.”
“We can take him out back and shoot him, put the poor bastard out of his misery.” Eddie continued, like a runaway train.
All gas, no breaks.
It was a joke but a poor one, and it made Steve straighten out of his sideways slant.
‘Dammit.’ Wayne thought with a sigh.
He needed to stop this now, before the two of them went for each other's throats.
“Since you already know each other I won’t bother with introductions.” Wayne cut in, before Eddie could blow up like a tea kettle--or cause Harrington to do the same. “Steve’s gonna be staying with us for a while.”
That of course, got the reaction Wayne had been hoping to avoid.
Eddie stood stunned for a second, mouth gaping like a fish.
“Why!?” He finally landed on, seeming both at a loss for words, and equally trying not to have a proper meltdown in front of Steve.
Certainly wasn’t for Wayne’s benefit.
"I'm…" Steve glanced at Wayne a second time, "...on vacation?"
It took everything Wayne had in him not to run a hand down his face.
He was going to give Harrington a pass, on account of the head trauma.
"You’re vacationing here.”Eddie’s tone was flat, but seething, like a lit fuse. “In my living room?”
“...Yeah?” He finished poorly tone up-ticking at the end like it was a question. “It’s a--college thing. Supposed to help my applications.”
This time, Wayne did run a hand down his face this time.
God save him from idiot teenagers.
Hands clenched tight, Eddie took an aborted glance to the right before shaking his head hard and scoffing. At least it let Wayne know exactly what his kid was thinking.
To Eddie’s right was the counter where Wayne kept the bills.
Before he realized just how badly Ed’s daddy had messed him up about such things, Wayne hadn’t bothered to hide the bills that were past due. Turns out the kid noticed such things, and worry over money had been the leading factor in more than one of Eddie’s run-ins with Hop.
Clearly, he thought it was the cause of Wayne entertaining this bullshit.
Offense was written in every rigid line of his body, and Wayne knew betrayal wasn’t gonna be far behind.
“What the hell Wayne!” Eddie spat, taking a singular step forward, the accent he tried so hard to hide growing thicker the madder he got. “We’re not a damn experiment--why would you agree to that!?”
He had seconds to salvage this, before Ed’s ran and did something dumb.
“‘Steve’s here cause I owe Hopper a favor.” Wayne answered honestly, standing to put himself between the two. “He reminded me of all the times he’s been good to you, and then he called it in. Now,”
He cut Eddie off before his rant could pick up steam and bowl them all over. “I need you both to listen to me. Steve, I need Eddie to know the basics in order to keep you safe. I’ll only tell him what he needs to hear to understand why that is.”
Steve stared at him for a moment, catching Wayne’s eye as the elder man positioned himself so he could see both boys at once.
“Okay.” Steve said, dropping the hesitant tone for something serious.
Eddie said nothing, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and gripping the edges of his jacket hard enough to leave creases.
Judging that as good enough, Wayne continued. “He’s not here on vacation, Ed’s. Hopper has asked us to house Steve for a bit due to an ongoing situation. It’s a dangerous one, and it’s important you do not tell anyone that Steve is here.”
Eddie’s mouth did the thing it did when he desperately wanted to say something, but Wayne held up a finger in the universal “wait.” position.
“Let me finish.” He warned, and though he caught a hell of a glare for it, Eddie remained silent.
“Right now I need you to trust me, son.” He said softly, and prayed that alone was enough for now. “I don’t do things without a good reason behind it. I know you know that. Let me get Steve settled, and I’ll come talk to you.”
He could go in depth a little more, outside of Harrington’s eyesight. There Eddie would be inclined to drop the parts of his personality he put on blast as a defense mechanism, and ideally, Steve could get the sleep he so desperately needed.
“It’ll be tight, but we’ll all get through this so long as you two keep your heads. “You both got plenty of problems right now on your own, you don’t need to add to it. You understand?”
Eddie’s eyes narrowed dramatically as he sucked in a deep breath.
“Fine.” He snarled, letting air hiss through his clenched teeth. “As long as King Dick here can keep himself out of my shit.”
Steve didn’t rise to the bait--or perhaps, was simply too tired to want to do anything but exit the conversation.
‘Yes Sir.” He said instead, and Wayne didn’t bother correcting him that time. Simply clocked the title as a nervous tick of Steve’s and let himself feel that brief pang of sorrow that he’d caused the kid to backslide a bit trust wise.
No use for it, though.
Not if he wanted peace in his home.
“Good.” Wayne said.
Eddie stormed past, beeling towards his room.
The door closed with an angry slam, the sound echoing throughout the trailer.
Steve reacted like a puppet with its strings cut, letting out his own breath and going right back to slumping sideways.
“Come on kid.” Wayne said quietly. “I think it’s beyond time you got to lay down. Let’s get you a shirt and some blankets.”
Steve didn’t say a word, just managed to get himself up and over to the couch, fumbling for his bag.
“Oh.” He said after a moment, pulling a green sweater from the duffel and blinking dully at it. “Shit--I mean, shoot.” He shot a guilty look to Wayne, like Eddie hadn’t just sworn up a storm in front of them both.
“What’s the matter?” Wayne just asked.
“It’s nothing, I just-- grabbed the wrong bag.” Steve told him earnestly. It was clear the day had taken a hard toll on him, because he was blinking rapidly, fighting away sleep.
A bad sign, given the energy Eddie had just come in with.
It should be taking him longer to feel safe to drop off, and that he was doin’ so anyway was a bad testament to the state of him.
“You need a different one?”
Steve shook his head. “No this is just my grab bag for the Upsi-errrm.” He hummed, before falling silent for a minute.
Wayne let him fish for words at his leisure.
“These are just clothes that I couldn’t get stains out of, kept them as backups.” Steve managed, before beginning the long process of pulling a shirt on.
Wayne almost offered to help, except he knew he’d likely be rejected. It was too soon, the trust between them not there yet.
He almost let the clothing comment go, figured it as just one of those things the brain did when it was injured and run down. The sweater Steve was struggling with was expensive and soft, and Wayne didn’t even see a stain until the poor kid finally finished getting it on.
He nearly froze, for the second time that day, when he did.
On one sleeve, smeared like Steve had wiped his face with it, was a bloodstain.
This one was old, and clearly attempts had been made to get it out.
‘Aw kid.’ He thought, staring at Steve as the kid managed to swing himself up on the couch, looking seconds away from dropping off. ‘What the hell has life done to you.’
It didn’t take long before sleep took him, but Wayne watched over him for a bit longer anyway, working up to what the hell he was going to tell his kid.
Eddie might very well not forgive him for this, but Wayne had a shot now to head things off before they got worse.
He just had to find the right words.
#small town rumors#steddie#pre steddie#wayne pov#outsider pov#wayne munson is a bamf#hey look eddie showed up!#little shit FOUGHT ME and is still fighting me a bit in the next chapter#I need him to quit being an asshole and go into more of that hurt/comfort section of this fic#hurt/comfort#enemies to lovers#sorta#its on a03 noooowstranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#0o0 fanfics#beat to shit steve harrington
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Text
How would they react if you kissed their scars ?
Vincent had remained with the mask for so long, it had become part of your everyday life.
You had never questioned it...not until you walked into his bedroom one day and found that Vincent had not yet put on his mask.
He hadn't heard you come in—too focused on his latest piece of art.
So, you made sure not to disturb him as you looked at his new 'piece'.
You shivered. You really didn't want to be thinking about the poor guy trapped underneath the wax.
So, you focused back on Vincent instead.
The bad part of his face was not completely facing you, but you could make out the disfigured part he wanted to hide...It broke your heart.
"...Vinny ?"
You called him and Vincent's eyes widened in shock at the sight of you and he hurried to reach for his mask, but you were quicker.
You grabbed the mask and took a couple of steps back.
Vincent didn't understand what you were doing until you placed a soft kiss on the interior of the mask and finally put it back on him.
He let you and his breath hitched as he saw the genuine smile on your face.
"You're very handsome...Don't let the mask fool anyone."
He was stunned.
Truth was, Vincent had worn this mask all his life and had never thought for a second that anyone would call him 'handsome' in his life.
It brought tears to his eyes as he suddenly hugged you and buried his face in the crook of your neck.
His new piece of art left unattended as he asked you to kiss that part of his face again and again...his mask slipping off in the process.
But, he was too happy to care.
Now, Jason is the insecurity boy.
He hates that he's tall, hates his face, hates his clumsiness...
But, whenever he would be with you, his insecurities seemed to wither into nothingness.
He still had problems with leaving the mask behind though. People used to call him awful things and even though he had partially healed with time, the pain was still there.
So, when you walked in when he was getting ready—he almost fell backwards and covered his face with his hands.
"LEAVE ! GET BACK !"
He was afraid and screamed when you tried to touch him—only for you to fight against every single survival instinct in your body and hug him tightly.
"...Ssh...It's alright. You don't need to be afraid. I love you. Your face doesn't change that."
Jason was shocked at your words and he gripped the fabric of your shirt tightly to hide his face and not let you see him cry.
He held you like you were his only lifeline, and maybe you were.
Now, Bo is a whole other story.
He doesn't like physical affection.
But, you still wanted to show him that you loved him.
So, as he was working on a car, you asked for a tool. He was so focused on his task, he absent-mindedly obeyed and just gave you one of his tools to keep you happy—not expecting you to take his hand instead.
You stroked the damage skin on his wrist and looked up at Bo who seemed uncharacteristically quiet, no longer focused on the car.
You then pressed your lips to the scars around his wrists and his eyes followed your movement with baited breath.
He suddenly retrieved his hand, as if burnt by the sensation alone.
"What in the carnation do ya think you're doin' ?!"
But you didn't answer.
You only shook your head and grabbed his arm gently to bring it back to your lips.
You peppered it with kisses and Bo licked his dry lips before smiling and closing the gap between the both of you to kiss your forehead.
"...You' really sumthin', ain't ya sugar ?"
In response, you stuck out your tongue cheekily at him and smiled.
However, you didn't expect it when Bo mimicked you and the tip of your tongue touched his.
You took a step back and flushed red as he tipped his hat at you.
"Well, now that we've shared our DNA, I'll go prepare dinner.", he announced before turning away to leave.
"GROSS, BO !", you finally shouted after him—but a small hidden smile tugged at the corner of your lips.
He laughed.
"Yeh yeh. You'll live."
He then hurried out of the house—ignoring the way you tried to call him back.
His own face felt hot and he hurried outside.
~That was dangerous. He almost lost control.
Brahms loved it when you took care of him, he had found a comfortable daily routine with you.
But, of course...You had to become curious.
You waited until he was asleep before slowly creeping into his bedroom to try to remove his mask.
You smiled as you saw his peaceful sleeping face and couldn't resist laying a kiss on his masked cheek.
You then hesitated about your plan. Would he be mad if you took a quick look ?
However, before you could think about it any further, Brahms grabbed your hand and yanked you forward into his arms.
You let out an undignified surprised yelp.
His breath was shallow and you felt so ashamed of having been caught, but he then quickly whispered in your ear.
"Brahms...Likes Y/N...Don't want them to be...afraid..."
Your heart squeezed as you wrapped your arms around him and smiled.
"Brahms has nothing to be afraid of. Y/N will stay with him. Because Y/N loves Brahms."
Brahms' eyes widened at the use of the l-word and his grip on you tightened as he let you take off the mask.
You were speechless for a second and Brahms thought it was because you were horrified and immediately tried to reach for his mask, but you shook your head and threw his mask away.
"...Pretty.", you muttered and kissed his burnt side with tenderness.
His eyes watered and he held you infinitely closer.
He never wanted to let you go.
His mother had called him pretty only once in his life, and he remembered feeling so much happiness from the word alone.
It made him happy and sad at the same time.
Because, it also reminded him of the burns on his face and the fact that his face would never be the same again.
You would never see how pretty he looked back then. You would never see the face he wanted you to see...But, you still found him pretty.
And that made Brahms feel as if you had sown a part of his heart back into place.
Freddy. Freddy doesn't have insecurities. What he does have however is a painful fear of rejection and a huge ego clashing in an eternal battle for dominance.
His ego as the big scary demon and his fear of who he used to be...
He hates his reflection. He would never admit it to you, but you noticed the way he constantly avoided mirrors.
"...Ain't you gonna try to escape ?", he finally asked one day—hiding the true depth of the reason behind the question.
He wanted you to answer yes, so he could completely be overwhelmed by the demon and be done with it.
Freddy used to be a scrawny little nuisance—just good enough for manual work.
He had never been a great scholar, barely made it to high school.
Freddy—the pushover—that's what people used to call him...Well, until he killed them all.
"Nah. Have you seen me running...?", you answered with a small playful grin...But, it didn't work. He frowned and let out a small huff.
"Come on. Don't go all witty on me. Give me a real answer."
You tilted your head quizzically at him. Why the sudden need for an answer ?
He didn't dare look at you in the eye and that's when you understood. Freddy was doing the most Freddy thing.
He was testing you.
He wanted to know if you really stayed because you liked him, or because he was just another mere distraction.
"I'm telling you that I have no intention to run."
You finally told him the truth and Freddy's eyes widened as he crouched in front of you and stared at you—his claws gleaming in the dark.
"Don't you dare lie to me."
"You don't believe me ?"
"Ya just saying stuff...To make me happy.", he muttered under his breath and you gasped at the accusation. That's when you cupped his face and forced him to look you in the eyes again.
"I would never lie to you."
You then kissed him on the lips and his eyes widened at the unexpected action.
"...Here. Is it enough proof for you ?", you asked with a knowing grin and Freddy felt stunned for a second before he chuckled.
"~Maybe.", he smirked and then pulled you closer to him. "Gonna have to get more proof. Just to be sure."
You snorted.
"~Of course."
"Say Myers...Can I see you without the mask ?"
His...mask ? What a strange request...
Now, why would you ask that ?
He tilted his head at you—pondering.
His confusion must have shown as you answered his silent question.
"Well...Every time I see you without it, Michael takes over and I'd like to see you without it."
Myers didn't move for a second and you thought you had offended him or something...But, he then decided to trust you and removed the mask.
You were immediately drawn to his two green eyes that seemed to be boring into the depth of your very soul.
He was handsome, even though a few scars here and there from years of surviving.
You raised yourself on your tiptoes and you saw the momentary panic in his eyes.
He wanted to look away or hide away from your gaze—but couldn't. He only kept staring while you continued examining his features.
You looked each other in the eyes and then, an inexplicable impulse took over you.
You kissed his chin and smiled when you felt him holding you a little closer than necessary—his eyes squeezing shut.
It felt...good.
His beard tickled your face, but you didn't mind. You giggled and hugged him back.
Myers wouldn't cry, but he did feel the need to talk—him who usually never did.
He opened his mouth to say something, but you beat him to it.
"Well ? Aren't you going to return my kiss ?"
You then tapped the side of your face with a small playful smile and Myers couldn't help but smile back.
However, you didn't expect it when he suddenly leaned forward to kiss you on the lips, securing the back of your head with his large hand.
It made you feel safe for a second before he pulled away—all too soon.
He then put back his mask and even though you couldn't see it, you knew he was smiling underneath.
#fandoms#imagine#fanfic#brahms heelsire x reader#jason voorhees x reader#freddy krueger x reader#michael myers x reader#bo sinclair x reader#vincent sinclair x reader#slashers au#slashers
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