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#i think that’ll do tbh
frecklenog · 4 months
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after spending an evening listening to jessie gender tell me about starfield, capitalism, gender, selfhood, and ursula k leguin, i had. some Thoughts about another science fiction series; one you're probably at least somewhat familiar with if you follow this blog or watch ms gender's videos.
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to start off; hey. this is partially based on my own experiences, my understanding of them, and how that lens can be applied to star trek. it's also very much inspired by the work of jessie earl, whose channel i can't recommend enough. she's funny, intelligent, kind, and an incredibly gifted writer, and she's a gift to both the star trek, trans, and "video essay youtuber" communities. show her some love!
that said, i want to start by looking at star trek. we all know the vulcans, don't we? pointy ears, green blood — spock's dad's side of the family. gifted with telepathic abilities, vulcans are practitioners of the mind meld, also called things like a mind link, probe, touch, or fusion, which is exactly what it sounds like. it allows two (or more, on occasion) sentient life forms to exchange thoughts as though they were one being.
of course, this kind of thing is common in media. steven universe has gem fusions, which should be examined from a plural viewpoint in their own right. x-man charles xavier almost routinely delves into the minds of others. but rarely does it have any lasting impact on the characters. even star trek itself falls into this, with doctor leonard mccoy not getting nearly enough screentime in the voyage home to show off what must have been the intensely strange experience of carrying spock's katra within him. (maybe that's addressed in a novelization or comic that i'm just unaware of, but regardless, i haven't seen it, and i think that's a travesty. (and if you know of a book where that gets touched on oh my god give me the fucking link now-))
there are instances of star trek mind melds having lasting effects, as discovery shows part of sarek's katra being permanently linked to michael burnham, though that could be considered an extenuating circumstance, what with her being on death's doorstep at the time of the meld. which most trek fans probably already know, and is honestly more fantastical than i care to bother reading with a plural lens. however, star trek is a fandom with nearly sixty years of history, including hundreds of books and comics from various authors and publishers. these stories are plentiful, bizzare, and sometimes outright terribly written. i don't blame anyone for not having read them all — to do so seems like a terrifying task.
but the one i want to look at right now is a particular run of the star trek: the next generation comic, published in 2000 by wildstorm comics.
the run is called perchance to dream — a lovely, flourishing name for a comic where half of the plot could be it's very own jessie gender video for how much sexual weirdness goes on (but i'll leave that to the professionals). the part we're going to focus on is that the b-plot of the run surrounds captain jean luc picard, captain of the uss enterprise-d. the comic is set after the events of the star trek: the next generation season 3 premiere, best of both worlds: part 2. in that episode, the captain had been disconnected from the borg hivemind (after being assimilated in part 1), and he returned to duty as usual at the end of the episode (though he does choose to go on leave in the following episode). it's also set after another episode from later on in season 3, — episode 23, sarek, wherein picard preformed a mind meld with sarek in order to allow the aging ambassador better emotional control, as it was being ravaged by his bendii syndrome — essentially, vulcan dementia.
the a-plot of the run isn't really important to us, i'm afraid — although it reveals to us in the second issue that worf accidentally killed a kid on another soccer team as a child. suffice to say, one of the abilities of the aliens the crew has to play diplomacy with is that they can prod into people's traumas through their nightmares. they have a lot going on. it's a comic book from 2000, what did you expect?
and, speaking of things that are easily dated, the third issue of the run brings us to the second part of today's topic.
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image id: a comic book page. beginning at the top, a narration box reads: "chief medical officer's log, stardate 48503.8. lieutenant commander data, doctor selar, and i have gone through the damiano [alien] records regarding the chova. while no direct way to combat the weapon was ever developed we have discovered that certain people were immune to the chova's effects and could destroy the weapon." doctor beverly crusher is beside the narration box, depicted from the shoulders up, facing slightly to the right and saying "there has to be another way." a vulcan -- doctor selar -- is viewed from the waist up, holding a padd in her right hand and facing to the right of the page. she is saying "we have been over the records six times a piece, doctor. if there is anything to find, it is likely that we would have found it by now." data, an android designed to appear as a human with pale yellow plastic skin, is holding a book slightly behind doctor selar. his mouth is slightly open as he speaks. "i believe doctor selar is correct. this is the only course of action open to us under the circumstances." to the right of this panel is another shot of beverly from the shoulders up, this time facing to the left. her expression is stern as she says "i know, i know, it's just-- it could kill him." in the next panel. beverly is shown from the back, and captain jean-luc picard enters, saying "you sent for me, doctor?" beverly responds, "yes, jean-luc. please sit down." below this, the left panel takes most of the remaining page. this time we see captain picard from the back, while beverly faces the reader head-on, speaking first. "we've gone through the records chief du're [irrelevant one-off character from the a-plot] provided. it turns out that there was one group of people who were immune to the chova when it was first used. mpd's." jean-luc repeats "mpd's?" curiously. to the right, data is shown from the shoulders up, saying; "mpd stands for multiple personality disorder. mpd can come about through psycholo--" but beverly interrupts him; "not now, data." end id.
ah, multiple personality disorder. a term that hasn't been clinically used since 1994. these days, we call this dissociative identity disorder (did), but it's one dissociative disorder of many, which is what beverly is talking about. for whatever reason, people with this sort of dissociative plurality seem to be immune to the specific trauma nightmares induced by these aliens. (finally, some good news.)
okay, neat! so, dissociative disorders and plurality have been canonically addressed in star trek. let's see how it goes!
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image id also available unbroken in alt text. image id pt 1: beginning in the top left corner, beverly is shown from the shoulders up, facing the right side of the page as she speaks. "the point is the people who are afflicted with more than one personality would destroy the chova before it could affect them. the chova was only built for one personality. mpds would literally overwhelm it." in the next panel, to the right, picard is shown from the chest up, partially obstructed by speech bubbles. facing right, he asks; "how does this help us?" beverly is also in this right panel, although from behind, and nearly completely obfuscated by speech bubbles. she answers; "well, mpd was never a common occurance, and it's almost unheard of these days.there've only been two cases reported in the federation in the last two hundred years -- and damiano [the alien planet] hasn't seen a case in the last fifty."beverly continues. "however, we do have someone on the enterprise who has the makings of a classic mpd. i'd like your permission to ask this person to volunteer to undergo a mind-meld with doctor selar in order to bring the submerged personalities to the fore."
this particular line, i take umbrage with, as dissociative disorders are a lot more common than people might think, and star trek has shown us a future as tumultuous as our own present for decades. there would absolutely be people experiencing some level of multiplicity in everyday life both within the federation and without. but, again, this was written in the 90s, i think? i don't know how long it takes a team of professionals to make a comic book. but, i digress.
image id pt 2: picard responds; "permission granted, as long as it remains on a volunteer basis. who is the officer in question?" below, the leftmost panel is larger than the right. beverly crusher is shown in profile, facing right, with doctor selar and data behind her from the chest and shoulders up. picard is on the right of the page, slightly smaller, but also in profile, facing right to contrast beverly as he listens to her speak. "it's someone who's been exposed to an especially intense vulcan mind-meld, who lived another life for thirty-five subjective years— and who had a second personality grafted onto his own for a brief period by the borg. the next panel takes the entire width of the page, and much of the height. picard is shown in the middle, standing in a purple void. around him are three other male characters shown in bust. from left to right, they are; kamin, a humanoid man bearing great resemblance to an older imagining of jean-luc picard, wearing a plain blue shirt. sarek, a vulcan with grey hair, a turquoise shirt, and a green stone amulet on a large gold chain around his neck. he is cast in shadow and his eyes are not visible. locutus, an ashen version of jean-luc picard, with about a third of his face obscured by black metal exoplating and implants that surround his right eye. tubes come off of his face and neck, trailing behind him, and a red light made to shine at his point of focus shines from the side of his head. there are several yellow narration boxes, which read as follows. "sarek of vulcan. picard mind-melded with the legendary ambassador in order to lend him strength for an important negotiation — an act that almost cost picard his sanity." "kamin of kataan. a probe sent out by kataan before their sun went nova allowed picard to live most of kamin's adult life as a way to remember his people."
oh, yeah. did... did i not mention that that happened?
basically, he was targeted by a device that beamed him into the world's most immersive vr game — kind of like the one from rick and morty? if you watched that? if you didn't, sorry for bringing it up, and if you did, ditto. but it forced picard to live out an entire life as though he'd been abducted by aliens and placed in a sims game. though, ultimately, the plot intricacies of the inner light are beside my point.
image id pt 3: "locutus of borg. quite simply, the greatest nightmare of picard's entire life. the subversion of his intellect, his will, his very self to the collective of the borg." "all three are part of him, but they do not dominate. if picard does as doctor crusher suggests, he will subsume himself in order to let the others come to the fore. for sarek, for kamin, he would be willing." "but locutus--?" the next panel takes a little more than half of the remainder of the page. a narration box in the upper left reads; "then he thinks of his first officer, counselor, chief of security, chief engineer, and all the others who have fallen victim to this vicious weapon." the rest of the panel shows two sleeping figures, both humanoid, in what is presumably sickbay. the last panel takes the remainder. a narration box in the upper left reads; "and jean-luc picard makes the only decision he is capable of making." captain picard is shown from the shoulders up, facing slightly to the left and saying; "what do i need to do?" below his speech bubble is another yellow text box, which reads "to be concluded..."
...which is how issue 3 leaves us.
fortunately, we can pick up in issue 4 with ease, since these comics are over twenty years old. i'm going to do my best to limit my use of comic pages, juuuuust in case, but once we reach the sixth page, with the credits...
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image id: a two-page spread. beginning in the uppermost left corner, narration boxes read; "welcome to the mind of jean-luc picard." "'locutus' was a personality superimposed upon picard when he was taken by the borg, meant to serve as the spokesperson for that cybernetic race's ruthless assimilation of what they described as the 'authority-driven culture' of the federation." "ambassador sarek of vulcan suffered from bendii syndrome. in order to keep the effects of this devastating illness from endangering his final mission, sarek entered into a deep mind-meld with picard in order to give the ambassador emotional control and stability." "kamin was a prominent member of the community of ressik on the long-dead world of kataan. a probe sent by the kataan people allowed picard to live kamin's life for several subjective decades, although less than half an hour passed in reality." "all of these personalities have made up a part of jean-luc picard, but he remained dominant." "until now." "this is the mind of jean-luc picard." the left page is mostly taken up by a large illustration of locutus, drawn in far more detail than before. trailing off to the right are two tubes or wires, as well as a speech bubble that reads "resistance is futile." also on this page are the details of the comic title, run, issue number, writers/artists, and copyright. taking up most of the right half of the right page is sarek of vulcan, drawn in less detail than locutus, but easily recognizable. his hair is a lighter grey, he is wearing white and cream robes and an amber amulet on a thick gold ring around his neck, and he is holding up his right hand in a vulcan salute/ta'al. depicted below sarek is kamin, drawn from the shoulders up, wearing a plain white shirt with a collar. below kamin is captain picard, also shown from the shoulders up, in his starfleet uniform, and surrounded by four lights, with two on either side of him. (there is also further copyright information beside him in fine print.)
...i'm pretty sure that this analysis falls under the "commentary" part of fair use. right?
but, regardless, this is kind of a huge thing to drop in a comic that virtually no one has bothered to read. i mean, especially when, amidst the clashing of picard's plurality with the a-plot, we get this panel;
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image id: a single comic panel. kamin is shown from behind, speaking to locutus and sarek within a noneuclidean space with four circular white lights shining in the distance. "what is going on?" kamin asks. "we have been subdued for too long. but now we shall dominate, as we were meant to." locutus replies. sarek interrupts. "your logic is flawed, locutus. we are all merely aspects of jean-luc picard's mind." "you may be sarek of vulcan, but we are of the borg."
sarek is able to acknowledge himself, kamin, and locutus as "aspects" of captain picard, despite picard rarely if ever sensing them or their influence. picard is being, not just implied, but explicitly stated to have a latent form of plurality, and perchance to dream depicts it in a way that strikes true to members of my own system, at times, with certain alters first making themselves known in the front already well aware of who they are, and having existed without the my knowledge due to dissociative barriers that only came down later in life.
unfortunately, because this is a star trek media, locutus ends up assimilating kamin in the headspace and forcing himself into the front. however, as he does it, he says something that does, to an extent, resonate with the experience of being one among many, for better or worse.
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image id: a single comic panel. locutus is shown facing the viewer, and his chin and the top of his head are cut off by the borders of the panel. his light breaks the plane of the panel to simulate the effect that it is shining into the "camera." locutus's mouth is open as he speaks; "for too long you have suppressed us, picard. but you are of the borg."
plurality is a defense mechanism by the brain to protect against trauma. it is, from what i have seen, more common among those who are already neurodivergent, which already presents in a myriad of ways. mixing the ugly truth of trauma with the raw reality of mental illness caused by it can result in certain alters feeling as though they are being suppressed by not being allowed to front and live their own life, depending on how the system functions. admittedly it is more common in fictional depictions of dissociative disorders for these alters to simply live their own lives in secret anyway, as is the case in the marvel tv series moon knight with marc spector, steven grant, and jake lockley (along with the other possible members of their system who may or may not be present depending on the canon, but those are the main three). but, in reality — or at least my experience — this more often translates to alters making themselves social media accounts, or using services like tupperbox or pluralkit on discord, or finding other ways to more discretely express themselves, such as icon changes or status updates.
but, getting back to star trek, this is ultimately a one-off comic. so captain picard saves the day with his secret alters, ends the mind meld with doctor selar, and goes back to living his life as a singlet, ready for the people of the future to be able to easily comprehend without having to read a very specific comic run from 2000.
...right?
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image id: part of a comic page. each panel takes up roughly one quarter of the page each. in the first panel, counselor deanna troi is seen standing, having just entered captain picard's ready room. picard is shown from the back, sitting at his desk. "counselor! good to see you up and about." he greets her. "it's good to be up and about." she responds. "playing some old tunes?" [picard had been playing the ressikan flute prior to her entry.] picard responds. "mmm. i wanted to make sure that i still remembered how." in the next panel, we look over counselor troi's shoulder and across the desk at captain picard. "were you worried that you wouldn't?" she wonders. "actually, yes," picard answers. "after what happened..." the third panel shows picard facing the viewer head-on from the shoulders up. he continues, "i suppose i knew intellectually how close to the surface locutus, sarek, and kamin were. but i never really thought about it. they were — memories, experiences. no different from any other. but they're much more than that." the fourth panel shows counselor troi, facing slightly to the right as she speaks. "not much more. all three of them are part of you. but the important word is you. the fragmentation was artificially induced." picard asks; "was it?"
ultimately, yes, this is a one-off comic run that isn't very well known, and i only read because i took a personal interest in the subject matter. i knew going in that it wasn't going to fundamentally change the entire fandom's understanding of captain picard, or make the star trek fandom an instant haven for systems everywhere. but, still, captain picard has his doubts, and that truly touched me when i first read it as someone who was actively reckoning with the fact that past traumas that had impacted me more than i realized.
the comic goes on for a while longer, but the last thing it has to say on the subject of plurality is this.
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image id: a single comic panel. counselor troi is seated in one of the chairs in captain picard's ready room, facing him from across his desk. she is on the left, facing partially right, and he is on the right, in profile facing left. the dialogue reads as follows. picard wonders, "was it [the dissociative fragmentation of his identity] truly a creation of the mind-meld, or was it simply breaking a dam that was already cracked?" riker interrupts over the comm. "riker to picard." "go ahead, number one," picard tells him. "it's time to beam down to damiano for the ceremony, sir." "thank you, commander."
and that's it. picard asks a question, then gets called away and never tells us his answer.
i think, at least subconsciously, that might be part of why i held star trek: picard to such a high standard.
to be clear, i hadn't read this comic when the first season of picard was coming out. but i was starting to grapple with my plurality, and i used fictional media as a means to do that (as is still evidenced by things like my system simon tag). the first season of the show was centered around both picard's relationship with both his legacy and his history with the borg collective. as mentioned in perchance to dream, captain picard had previously been assimilated by the borg collective — a cybernetic hivemind from the delta quadrant that absorbed cultures and species into itself, effectively wiping out the cultural histories of entire planets, at times, in their quest to become the "perfect" life form through a combination of genetic engineering and mechanical augmentation. and, as this happened, i came to know a young man named hugh who took form within my mind. a fictional introject, or fictive, of the character of the same name from season 5, episode 23, i, borg. with his help, i grew to further understand my own plurality, and saw the potential for our stories to be told in the wake of reclamations from the borg collective. the reclamation project became a hyperfixation, and—
and then came the jurati collective.
my own system bears no connection to the jurati collective, but it is a wonder, and can be examined through a plural lens as an allegory for our own experiences as dissociatives. many consciousnesses, all working together as one towards a common goal, and willingly. after all, what is a system if not a hive within one body?
and then came picard's third season, completely ignoring her, along with all the unique perspectives that stories surrounding her might have offered in favor of what felt like a final next generation movie.
ignoring me, it felt like.
is that silly? probably. but, try as i might, i am human, and so i have a propensity for illogic — no matter how much my autistic brain craves structure and definitive explanations in order to understand the world.
i'll be honest, i'm not sure how to end this. but, sometimes i remember the time in season 6, episode 20, the chase, when picard became incredibly excited about an ancient alien society that believed people were, indeed, collectives within themselves.
"...the kurlan civilisation believed that an individual was a community of individuals. inside us are many voices, each with its own desires, its own style, its own view of the world." -captain jean-luc picard
and i realize that, with the core tenant of this series lying in the infinite diversity of both the known and the unknowable — the building blocks are already in place. star trek is a media that has grown over the decades, and hopefully will continue to do so, because there are still so many ways for new and interesting and meaningful stories to be told within this franchise.
but, if you can't summon your representation from a nostalgiabait sequel/reboot within a preexisting intellectual property... there's nothing to stop you from crafting your own story and letting loose as many systems as you like.
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toxictranny · 1 month
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hey sisters, i know u (my fans) were wondering what i’m gonna wear to my ex stepdad’s wedding because i’m best man and there’s gonna be 200 ppl there who haven’t seen me since i was single digits so it’s a rly big event BUT i’ve got no clue what the fit will be because the dress code he gave me: wear whatever you want. GDNKE.???ATFJJF...!!! ARE YOU OH-FUCKING-KAY???? WHATZVER I WANT ??????THEY WONT EVEN GIVE ME A COLOUR SCHEME WHAT THE FLCUKC ALso no i can’t wear a wedding dress it was the first thing i thought of but i asked my mom and she said that would b mean :/
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r0semultiverse · 2 months
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A message to the recent & future transgender pick-mes.
If you’re a trans pick-me (no matter where you align with gender) there’s a special place in Hell just for you & I don’t even believe in Hell. Having trauma isn’t excusing your actions of going out of your way to hurt other people actively. It explains that it comes from a place of hurt potentially or you’re just turning into a rage-bait influencer because it makes you money. Either way you come after trans people who don’t do being trans exactly like you so they “aren’t really trans.” You get a taste of the right-wing rage-bait money pot & you wanna keep going because money & maybe some weird part of you thinks this will save you from transphobic attacks? Honey, we’re all just fags to them no matter how we look or act. Even if you’re a cis person not following the norm or unaware of the politics of it all, you’re still just a faggot to them who they will eventually want to snuff out. I’m saying this as a tranny fag just to be clear! You can’t be playing these exclusion games & thinking it’s going to make you powerful! Even Milo Yionnapolis or whatever that fucker’s name was got dropped by the Trump Administration! They do not like us & they never will like us! Democrat, republican, whatever it is; if it’s capitalist, it doesn’t like us! No matter how much you lick those boots, it’ll do you no good. You’re a faggot/tranny just like me & the rest of us, that’s how these suits see it & always will see it no matter how much you try to prove “I’m one of the good ones.” They aren’t going to save you, we’re all on the chopping block to them no matter what our politics are. These government folks don’t see any of us as “one of the good ones.” Get over yourself, grow the fuck up, and stand side-by-side with your transsexual siblings! All we have is each other, these cis people aren’t shit! 💜 Down with cis! 💜
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rosicheeks · 9 months
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You will be missed, sweet miss Rosie ❤️ I always love seeing your precious smile appear on my feed
🫶
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lovvelorrn · 6 months
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re: not being anonymous on twitter
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stingyslegslookweird · 10 months
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gonna work on an update for Limitless Evolution (my Agito font), but i want to ask:
people who have downloaded/used the font: are there any problems, complaints, etc. you have with it so far?
i know the upper and lowercase M and N are barely and not at all differently sized, respectively (which is the main issue i’m planning to fix), and there aren’t any parentheses or brackets, but if there’s anything i’ve missed or that you think should be added, i’m more than willing to hear you out, at least.
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rainia · 9 months
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I’ve always had a “don’t comment on discourse” mindset with this blog but every now and then I really wanna, and then I write up a wholeass post and just save it to drafts lmao
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Today me and my friend visited our other friend at the store she works at, and i bought one of the items that she was stocking on the shelves, because i like her and I wanted to impress her, (even though it’s literally just a retail store and it’s not like that even affects her in any way) as if being like “Ah yes I have quite the affinity for conveniently-priced glassware” would have any affect at all
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amethystcove · 2 years
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incoherent ramblings ahead !
#who am i kidding im going to be back for whenever the first irl stream/gn.f birthday/gn.f vlog comes out#im trying so hard to be normal and decisive about having less of a mc.yt presence and the resulting blogging in my life#BUT these demons are strong and ive been addicted to this coping mechanism for years so. uh#we’ll see#even though ive been out and coping with irl stuff my mind still drifts back to here at the end of the day#(literally at the end of the day i keep writing out my thoughts)#yeah im not sure where we’re going with this#dtblr (from what i still follow) is uhhh mostly shattered (i either unfollowed ppl i wasnt close to or they stopped participating)#and hopefully thats a good enough deterrent to keep me offline for most of it#but im so serious i cannot get my mind off the content so like. ill still be here enjoying that#whether or not im publicly blogging about it or not#also another thing: i had a lot of ideas and wips for mc.yt art but like. i dont have the motivation At All to do them#as much as i’m thankful for the impact mc.yt had positively on my art skills#i didnt actually make it that often in my pre-mc.yt life tbh- and thats probably how it will be again#and last thing (thanks if u made it this far lmao)#im mostly going to run this blog on a queue so that’ll be pretty consistent#and the occasional reblogs when im online and the few mc.yt mutuals are around and active fro whatever event is happening#uhm. yeah i think thats it smile#brave.txt
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t0ast-ghost · 2 months
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I wanna draw but my drawing tablet hates me (it’s probably just broken and hates me) and I have so many assignments… IM JUST A SIMPLE MAN
#also gotta redraw my pfp#I no longer have green nor long hair#my hair is short and brown#like a stick that’s short.. and brown#so if you see a guy with short brown hair watch out#it could be me#or Jack Quaid#but no one else probably#really unlikely tbh#omg jack quaid#why do I write all my thoughts in the tags#who’s even looking at these?#if you’re looking at this comment ‘Jack Quaid’#yeah that’ll be cool#I’ll smile#I don’t do that often#it unsettles me and others#that’s a lie#you’ve been lied to on the internet#congrats#aww I don’t wanna leave you now#I’ve written so much in here and I’ll miss you when I post this#what if it’s not the same out there? what if there’s no Jack Quaid? how would you feel if I left?#……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………#I missed you. did you miss me? while reading all those dots did you think of me?#oh… maybe you didn’t. maybe you skipped them. ignored my hard work. did you know I typed all one hundred and thirty nine of those dots.#I tapped my screen out of love. is this love? is it maybe just… need? is it a want? do I just want for a bond that can’t be here? do I want#connection?#you haven’t left yet… we’re the same. we both want. we both think. we’re both here.#don’t leave. please don’t leave. I can’t have you leave me. it would hurt. wouldn’t you hurt like me?
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cetoddle · 10 months
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okay i got my closet and dresser mostly cleaned out 👍🏻 i have a couple more drawers to go through still but they’re not full of clothes they’re being used for storage so i’m not as worried abt it
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origami-boat · 1 year
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yo uh idk if people even give a shit about my fic stuff rn but i got. things in progress. it’s gonna be cool
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rosicheeks · 10 months
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🤧
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prozach27 · 1 year
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#tomorrow is gonna be. a lot.#but I’m feeling more and more positive about life#it’s weird to think I’m down to like my last 2 months of intensive outpatient therapy#though I’m getting phased into group therapy and apparently I remain monitored by a psychiatrist throughout my whole time at UCLA lol#which I mean hey I’ll take it. plus regular therapy now that it’ll be downgraded#whatever works tbh. I’m just so happy that I actually feel like we found a med combination that works last week#and it took a minute to get used to it but like holy shit I’m getting the increasing feeling that I’m actually getting my life back#like for the first time since I was 22-23 and this whole diagnosis kicked into high gear#I’m motivated again. I’m able to concentrate. I’m able to work the long hours I love again. I’m able to get involved in clubs#its been such a hard fight the last five or six years but I actually do think this chapter of my life is closing and I could just cry#don’t get me wrong there’s still a ton of work ahead but like it’s work I can and will do#I’ve dreamt for years about what it would feel like to be the old me again and I’m seeing so many hints of it in the last week and a half#more than I ever have. And I see the work that can be done but it feels like climbing a hill rather than mt Everest now#I can actually make it through this. like this year I understand and know I’ll be back to my old self. and I’m so mf’in ready#I need to relearn how to be social. how to throw parties. how to network. etc#but that’ll come with time#until then… it’s time to knock it out of the ballpark again
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blurboki · 9 months
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✩ ≫ GIVING STRAYKIDS HEAD WHILE HE’S LIVE
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including. ot8 | pairing. skz x fem! reader | genre. smut - MINORS DNI | warnings. blowjob/handjob (m. rec), mentions of begging, mentions of a breeding kink, voyeurism, nicknames, mentions of using toys, humiliation, cum-eating, facial (f. rec), hair pulling, dubcon, felix cums inside, degradation, overstimulation, gagging, deep-throating, d/s dynamics
authors note. ty for requesting! i hope you don’t mind how wild i got with this.. seungmin’s made me feral (please tell me if i missed anything in the warnings!!)
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CHAN :
would be so smiley n cute :((
until you kneel down and the realization hits
you can see his expressive eyes go “oh? oh.” in five second flat
the way you’re looking up at him? he’s twitching in his pants, trying his hardest to pay attention to chan’s room
definitely says something like: “alright! let’s get onto the next song, yeah?” while furiously turning up the volume to drown out his soft huffs of breath, plump lips parted to exhale deeply
the way he utterly shudders when you lick from his shaft all the way up to his leaking head has the dreamiest sigh falling from your mouth
the way you’re testing his patience makes him want to fuck you silly 🙈🙈
plays it off as if he was adjusting in his chair, meek smile giving away none of your naughtiness
once you start taking him into your mouth though, he reaches a hand to your hair, forcing you to down him
squeezes his eyes shut from the feeling of your throat swallowing him alongside the toe-curling whine you whimpered in response
most likely pretended to yawn to conceal his fucked-out face and the obscene sound of you gagging on him, babydoll eyes welling with tears
omg the way he looks down at you after that ?admiring your smudged mascara and the drool coating your lips and chin ?? pls eat me sir
“unfortunately, that’ll be the last song for this live, thank you Stay for joining me today..” he says, nonchalantly thumbing at your bottom lip to wipe the residue sitting there
legs spread and cock flushed against his abdomen, you come to realize rather quickly that you got yourself into something dangerous…
MINHO :
he’d prob be doing a live in the meeting room when you arrive, gazing at you pushing chairs out of the way to make him think you’re planning to sit down
till you settle between his legs and the realization dawns
has the most attractive, challenging stare ever watching you go to town
tbh minho is fucking terrifying with his self control in and outside of the bedroom
like he’d be able to answer questions and act completely normal despite his dick being halfway down your throat
pretends to laugh at a comment when instead he reached a hand under and toyed with your clit, gathering your wetness on two fingers to smear on the side of your lips
what he was laughing at? how pathetic you sounded mewling and dripping with need as if you weren’t the one who decided to give him head rn
would def end the live a tad bit early, finally succumbing to the handjob you provided where he came all over your face with the sluttiest moan
10/10 would bend you over and fuck you on the table after
10/10 would keep your legs out of business for a good five to six days (i stand by my claim)
CHANGBIN :
binnie is so fucking transparent idek if he could hide it
but like, he makes weird noises anyways so tbh stay probably wouldn’t bat an eye
sooo needy
gently grabs your chin while you kitty lick his mushroom tip and gives you most pleading stare
if he could’ve telepathically communicated, he would definitely been begging
funny considering how he basically bred you into the mattress the night before , right?
you resort to kissing his swollen cock, ensuring he’s watching when you collect his beading precum on a finger, bringing it up to your lips
to say he held back a moan doesn’t even cut it, poor baby might’ve bit his tongue off atp from your adorable eye contact and the mere image alone
gets frantic enough he blasts gods menu full volume and “suddenly” gets a text from Hyunjin saying he “needs to go”
a.k.a needs to blow
dude absolutely explodes
his moans are the cutest by far >>>
cums all over your face muttering soft “please please please” over and over while his fat cock basically ropes messy strings
he swore he’s never came harder in his life
andddd that’s how you got introduced to edging changbin!!!
jk, it just fueled your obsession with it further ;)
HYUNJIN :
prob the cutest of them all when you give him head under the table
he just feels so good and loved from your attention and the pleasure
has the dreamiest of smiles the entire time despite the music being obnoxiously loud to hide the sound
stays love this live bc of how cute he looked the entire time
lots conspired that he was drunk or smthn bc of how smiley he was, cheeks dusted pink
pretended to drop something so he could groan under the table, thigh twitching and abs tightening as he approached his orgasm
definitely grabs your head before he came, brows slightly knit and lips parted as he met your eyes
so fucking sweet after he cums, petting your head and running a light hand on your cheek where his cum smears
pops his thumb in your mouth, softly wiping your bottom lip of his essence
he’s literally delighted i cannot make this up
totally nonchalant apart from groaning under the table which he hid from view
expect either the softest or hardest sex afterwards
like you’re going to either be carried because your legs are out of commission or because he’s feeling romantic :((
HAN :
.. stay are prob getting an equally good treat too
and no they don’t know what was going on, they just know how from a certain timestamp in his most recent live his voice got a whole lot more attractive
expect a sudden raspy pitch, clicking his tongue casually as if his partner wasn’t spoiling him
on any other day he’d be stupidly whiny, crying from the pleasure you provided
today, however, he just let himself dissolve in the ecstasy, breathing in the fresh air on cloud 9
there were some speculations from stay watching, but it only got as far as that
scary enough, he doesn’t make a sound, casually carrying out conversation and answering questions like nothing
that is until you get impatient, pressing hot kisses all over and speeding up the movement of your hand as you fist him, pretty eyes fixating on his face
aha. you see him slightly wince, bidding farewell quickly with a few over-exaggerated poses and blown kisses
stifles a groan as he approached his high, tracing the corner of your lips as he grumbles an excessively attractive:
“now stick your tongue out, ‘don’t what you missing a drop.”
then proceeds to cum all over your lips n mouth, thumbing away some of his residue there
“you’re so messy, bunny, ‘have to teach you some manners, hm?”
FELIX :
he gets so cocky
and it’s one of the hottest things on the planet
watches you through half-lidded eyes as you unbutton his jeans, taking him into your mouth
i feel like no matter how hard you try to rile him up, it just makes him cockier and gives him a visible ego boost
like, not a ‘thinking with my dick only’ type of ego boost, more of a ‘why tf aren’t you reacting rn, please fuck me already at this point’ sort of ego boost
this man most likely turn off the music just to play it risky, forcing you down on his dick when you get too loud
reads comments as you literally deep throat him, eyes tearing up with how he keeps bumping the back of your throat
it’s insane
lifts a brow daringly as he reads a particular comment and you swear you would’ve moaned so fucking loud if it weren’t for him cruelly shoving fingers into your mouth as you fisted him with a hand
breathily sighs as you work faster, blinking a bit slower and hesitating with his answers—a telltale sign he’s close
definitely ends the live earlier, quickly taking off your bottoms to pull you onto his lap and paint your cunt white
voices the most guttural groan, adams apple bobbing as he fills you so full of him
he’s convinced there is absolutely nothing he loves more than stuffing your pussy, nothing
SEUNGMIN :
i will sit in the grave believing seungmin is one of the most god-teir men alive when it comes to head
another rbf (resting bitch face) king btw!!
meanest but also nicest ?? i can’t explain take this how you want
prob sings a song while you suck him off i cannot😭😭
you’d most likely be more affected than he is (or you just can’t tell), bc you’ll be a moaning mess from how nonchalantly he’s already shoved two fingers inside your cunt, guiding your head into a steady rhythm with a spare hand
smiles every time you mewl on his cock, hungrily watching your hips stutter while his fingers curl and rub your pussy sooo good
lmao i bet he hits a high note when you cream(and when he cums too), drowning out the desperate cries you sob from his lap
ends the live without even a trace of what happened, pulling your hair roughly so you meet his eyes, tears freely rolling down your cheeks
“you wanted this so don’t act like you didn’t. open.” he instructs, and you obediently open your mouth for him, showing him your tongue and lips painted with his cum
“swallow.”
his face when you swallow oml he loves seeing his baby behave
mumbles quiet “good girl”’s when you take his fingers coated in your juices into your mouth
honestly.. i could see him buzzing your puffy clit w a bullet vibrator afterwards while you sit on his dick, cooing as you fall apart on top of him, telling you it’s a “reward” while you’re overstimulated and sensitive beyond belief
JEONGIN :
kind of like hyunjin with his unpredictability, he’s either stone cold or an innocent baby
today, however, he was definitely needy, looking adorably confused when you sauntered through the doorway
gasps when you slip under the desk, eyes turning into round saucers as you carefully rid him of his pants then boxers
has to pause on multiple occasions to pull himself together, occasionally turning his head away from the camera to express the overwhelming feeling of your tongue
leaks a quiet, oh so quiet whine in the midst of laughing at a comment
poor bub gets an army of comments asking if he’s feeling sick from how flushed he is
cutie can’t admit how amazing you make him feel 🤭
ends the live abruptly, literally only thinking about cumming in your mouth
desperate AF when he starts mumbling, pulling you off of him to stick out your tongue as he frantically fists his dick, beads of pre-cum decorating the swollen tip
“oh god oh god oh god— cumming, ‘gonna cum, in your mouth? baby please please wanna cum in your mouth— yeah just like that, good girl- fuck-“ is just an example of his barely intelligible moaning
trust that he came hard, strings of apologies falling off his pink lips at the mess he made of your face
oml if you keep sucking him off afterwards?? overstimulated innie is the cutest thing ever
expect lots of begging and neediness 😍
blurboki, july 2023 ©
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guillotine-drop · 3 months
Text
Ranking New Vegas companions by their alcohol tolerance
Arcade - 6/10: Hear me out, Arcade is a fairly big guy and between his genetics and the work he does, he’s bound to have some weight behind him. Do I think he’s going toe to toe with the average Wrangler patron? No, but I do think you could sit him down with a bottle of wine and by the end he’d be juuuuust tipsy enough to follow you into that Nightstalker cave with minimal complaints.
Boone - 4/10: Despite being a miserable boot boy with a dead wife, I think Boone is on the lower end of alcohol tolerance solely because he’s a sniper; I feel as though the job description means that you can’t exactly be swaying with your shots, so his tolerance would be piss poor. You could probably get him to drink a 12 pack with you, but just watch out: he might start showing a human emotion, and that’ll be uncomfortable for both of you.
Cass - 8/10: There’s something to be said about the fact that you need at least 8 Endurance to be able to beat her at the drinking contest to recruit her. Obviously she can hold her liquor, but I WILL dock points for being sloppy about it. (Girl how did you manage to wake up with a random soldier after the battle??? Don’t you know what your mailman looks like???) Share the whiskey but make sure you loop her belt around a pipe or something so she doesn’t run off.
Veronica - 3/10: I love Veronica. I love her so much. I don’t think she can hold her liquor to save her life. I think Ronnie is a ‘3 drinks and she’s out’ kind of girl. That being said, I also think that she could probably get through most of a box of hard seltzers before she starts feeling it, and I think she’d shotgun them with her Power Fist to be funny.
Raul - 10/10: He’s a ghoul, he’s old, and he’s miserable 95% of the time. I think if you handed him a bottle of Dubious Liquid he wouldn’t even hesitate to drink it. I think he’s drank rubbing alcohol just to see what would happen. I think if you give him a totally intact, unopened, top shelf bottle of tequila, he’d have to excuse himself to the other room for a minute. Definitely the one I’d want to go drinking with.
Lily - 15/10: Mamaw’s 7 feet tall and 500 pounds of sheer muscle with a super mutant metabolism, I don’t even think conventional liquor would affect her tbh. I think she’s drinking that Jacobstown Moonshine that melts spoons and eats through glass. I think she could drink a can of turpentine and it would be like a White Claw. Go grandma, but for the love of god not to the bar. I do NOT have the caps for that.
Rex - 6/10: Okay hear me out (again). He’s an old as hell cyber dog who went through multiple owners, he’s probably got more metal than organs, and the last guys who had him were Elvis impersonators who do fuckall all day but day drink and watch each other do cabaret. You look me in the face and tell me that dog hasn’t had more booze pass through his system than the average wastelander. It’s still only a 6/10 because he shouldn’t be getting it, but are you gonna tell him no? Look at that face. And lower your glass.
ED-E - 0/10: Please do not pour liquor into the orb.
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