🤧

Dove (part two)

Part one here. Leon Kennedy x fem reader Slow, slow burn, mostly fluff tbh

--

Leon’s lying on the couch, an arm bent behind his head and staring at the living room ceiling when his watch beeps, signaling the 0500-perimeter check. There are security cameras outside that will send a notification to his phone, but technology isn’t infallible so he prefers a sweep with his own eyes every four hours or so when he’s on protection detail. He heaves himself upright, wincing a little when his back protests. Hell, maybe he’s getting a little old to be sleeping on sofas. He picks up his gun off the coffee table and checks the cartridge, more out of habit than anything else – hasn’t shot a bullet this mission.

He makes his way over to the garage door, casting his eyes over your bedroom door as he does so. You won’t be awake for a few more hours, not after those sleeping pills, so he’s not trying to be particularly quiet when he unlocks the door, steps through and locks it once more behind him. He walks around the side of the SUV towards the garage shutter itself next, unlocks the padlock and lifts it up to step out into the cool night air.

The safe house is located a few miles out from a village on old farm land, tucked away down a rural lane. No nosey neighbors to question why there are no people living there most of the year. He went round the perimeter anti-clockwise upon arrival, so he’ll go clockwise this time, flashlight in one hand and gun aimed in the other. He’d been at home for a change when Hunnigan had called him – first person she thought of when she’d seen Lickers on the partial CCTV footage that had been salvaged. For a building housing the DSO’s surveillance division, Leon hadn’t been particularly impressed by quality of the CCTV images. Grainy, staggered frames of the creatures tearing up the office and people apart, leaving only destruction in their wake. And you, breathing but dazed, buried under lockers at the bottom of the stairwell and, somehow, the only survivor.

He completes his round at 0525, nothing significant to note and heads back inside, unlocking and locking doors behind him.

At 0600, his phone vibrates in his pocket – a steady rhythm denoting it’s a phone call, not a message or notification and, really, there’s only one person who will be calling him so he doesn’t even bother to check the caller ID.

“Morning, Hunnigan. What did the night bring?”

“Nothing substantial. We’re still trying to establish the full timeline. Seems like the footage we salvaged yesterday might be all we are going to get CCTV-wise.”

“Did you send a team out to Dove’s?”

“Won’t have the manpower till this afternoon. Why – do you have suspicions?”

“No, not at all.” He replies. “I just… I think it’ll put her at ease to know we’re not treating her as a suspect.”

“Did you question her?” Hunnigan sounds skeptical and he hears her tap away on her keyboard. “I haven’t received your report if so.”

“No, not yet. It was late when we arrived – she was tired, in pain, terrified. I didn’t think questioning her then would go down particularly well or be helpful. Gave her painkillers and sleeping pills. I’ll broach it after breakfast, maybe.”

“Broach it?”

“See how she’s feeling, I mean. Last night after we got in the car, she was all one-word answers, a couple of sentences here and there.” Leon sighs, rubs the bridge of his nose. “I just don’t wanna scare her off.”

“If she’s got nothing to hide, there’s nothing for her to be scared of. Do your job and don’t get sweet on her.”

“Why can’t a guy do both?” He laughs.

“Leon – I expect that report today.”

The smile drops and he nods, as if she could see him. “Yes, ma’am.”

--

It takes a few attempts to open your eyes, blearily staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling in the morning light that filters in around the curtain. Your mouth is horrendously dry – a side effect from the sleeping pills, perhaps. Your whole body aches with stiff, bruised limbs.

But you’re alive, you remind yourself, when so many others aren’t.

Leon had been right at least – the sleeping pills had knocked you out into a dreamless sleep, though you don’t feel particularly rested.

You sit up in the bed tenderly, immediately thinking of painkillers. There’s no thought of getting changed, making yourself presentable. The man helped you strip last night, hell, he might think you’re a murderer, what does it matter if you leave the bedroom in a long t-shirt that shows a perhaps indecent amount of leg?

You open the door cautiously, unsure if Leon might still be sleeping on the couch, but it’s empty. Not a pillow or blanket in sight. The bathroom door is open, so he’s not in there. Your eyes move next to the door to the garage – maybe he’s gone to the SUV, would he sleep in there?

You turn slowly on the spot, trying to work out if there’s another door you’d missed in the blur of last night, but there’s the three – bathroom, bedroom, garage…

Wait. Your stomach sinks in realization.

Where’s the front door?

Is it a safe house thing? But surely that limits exit options if you’re trapped in here.

Or maybe that’s what they want.

Maybe you’ll graduate to a safe house with a front door when they don’t suspect you of being involved. You’ll ask Leon, you think, when he comes back from wherever he is. He seems nice, or nice enough. Been nothing but a gentleman, genuinely caring about your wellbeing… But maybe that’s all an act. An uncomfortable sensation reminds you that you need to use the facilities after a night of medicated sleep, so you head into the bathroom and lock the door.

All doubts about his sincerity are thrown out of the reinforced window once you see what’s on the counter.

There are two toothbrushes – one in a mug he’s pilfered from the kitchen after you’d smashed the container last night, and one’s lying flat on the counter, toothpaste pre-squeezed upon its bristles.

Sweet.

--

You emerge from the bathroom, teeth cleaned and find Leon stepping through the garage door.

“Oh, morning.” He smiles, shuts the door firmly behind him. You can see he looks a little tired around the eyes.

“Morning.”

“I didn’t think you’d be up for a few more hours. How are you feeling?”

“A bit sore.” He can tell you’re lying about the ‘bit’ - trying to put on a brave face. “What time even is it? I don’t have my phone… or a watch.”

“Ah,” he looks down at his own as if he doesn’t already know from his 0900 check. “Nearly half nine. Did you sleep all right?”

You nod. “No dreams. Was the sofa okay?”

“Yeah, one of the better ones.” He turns to the door and you hear a click before he steps away, heading into the kitchen.

Locked in.

“Where were you?”

“Outside. Perimeter check – all good.”

“Oh.” You pause, feeling like you know the answer before you can even ask it. “Can I go outside?”

His face falls in apology. “Sorry. Not at the moment - protocol. Wouldn’t want to risk anything.”

“Yeah, makes sense, I guess.” You continue standing awkwardly, a combination of not knowing what to do with yourself and hesitant to move knowing it’s going to hurt. “Erm, sorry, where did you put those painkillers?”

His face remains apologetic, though you’re not sure why. “We should get you some food in your first. I really shouldn’t have given you all those pills last night on an empty stomach.”

“I couldn’t have eaten anyway.”

“Understandable.” He ducks down below the counter and opens a cupboard, standing upright and placing a box of oats on the counter. “I’m afraid breakfast choices are a little limited. Oatmeal okay?”

“You cook too?”

“I’d say describing me as a cook is a stretch. We’ve got some fruit as well, but I think oatmeal will be best for those pills.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Coffee or tea?”

“Coffee, please.” You remain standing in place. “Erm, can I… do anything?”

“Nah, I’ve got it all handled.” He calls over his shoulder as he grabs some mugs out of a cupboard – doesn’t have to open a few before he can locate what he’s looking for as you would have to in a vacation rental. “Go ahead and sit down. Might’ve noticed this place is sans dining table, so coffee table will have to do.”

You walk slowly over to the couch, your muscles aching with protest. The bruises are far darker on your legs today than yesterday and, boy, do you feel it. You sit down delicately on the sofa, before tucking your knees up underneath out of habit, reaching for a throw pillow and clutching onto it pathetically.

You don’t know where your thoughts drift off to as you stare at the TV opposite despite it being off – it’s like your brain just temporarily switched off, until a single word reboots it.

“Honey?”

“Huh?” Where had that come from? Was it…? “I thought we went with Dove.”

Leon laughs – can’t help himself. “No, no, sorry. I meant, would you like honey on your oatmeal? Codename’s still Dove, as far as I know. I don’t come up with them.”

“Oh,” you feel your face grow a little hot. “Y-yeah, please.”

A few moments later he approaches the coffee table, steaming mug of coffee in one hand and a bowl of oatmeal in the other, complete with spoon. He places it down in front of you with a flourish.

“Order’s up.”

There’s an attempt at what looks like a smiley face drawn in honey atop the oatmeal.

“Thank you.” You can’t help the amused tone that enters your voice.

“Yeah, sorry,” he rubs the back of his head. “I can’t do fancy drizzles like the restaurants so that’s the best I could come up with. I’ll just go grab your pills, but dig in.”

You lean forward and spoon a small scoop up and force it into your mouth. Your appetite is still missing in action but you know you need something. A metal clang draws your attention from behind and you turn your head, seeing Leon fiddling with what looks like a metal lockbox. He opens it and pulls out the canister of the painkillers and shakes two out in his hand, before closing the box and locking it. You turn back, take another scoop of oatmeal and swallow, hoping it gets rid of the bitter taste of distrust in your mouth.

He's in front of you again, hand outstretched, but you can’t help yourself.

“Why are the painkillers locked away?”

“Protocol.” He doesn’t meet your eyes.

“Really?”

“I’m afraid so.” There’s a pause. Leon knows what you’re thinking and he hates it – he knows what it’s like to be scared, not trust anyone around you and he desperately doesn’t want to be that to you. “It’s mainly the sleeping pills. I don’t think you’re going to slip some and try and knock me out, or try and overdose on painkillers, but I… I need to follow it, okay? It’s nothing personal, Dove, I promise.”

“Is it protocol not to have a front door too?”

“Ah, wondered when you might clock that. Yeah. There’s a false one outside – built into the façade so it doesn’t look weird. Only real way in and out is through the garage.”

“But if someone or…” You swallow, the creature flashing up in your mind “…or something got in here, we’d be trapped.”

“Nothing is getting in here and if it does, it’s not getting past me.” He says, sincerely, and when you meet his eyes, there’s that niggle in your chest. You want to trust him - you really, really want to - you want to feel completely at ease with the man who’s apparently ready to lay his life down for you and only you, but you still feel like you’re on the tightrope between victim and villain in this piece. “Open your hand?”

You do, watching him drop two little white pills into it.

“You can have them every four hours if you’re feeling sore. I’ll keep track of the doses, just ask.”

You knock them back with a swig of coffee.

--

“Is it okay if I take a shower?”

“Of course you can.” He pauses, trying to work out why you thought you had to ask. “Do you need a hand with…?”

“No, I think I’ll be okay. Erm… Do you know what I need to do about my temple?” You gesture to the medical strips on your forehead.

“Ah, yeah. So, need to try and avoid getting them wet for a few days. Don’t worry if you do though, I can re-do ‘em. First aid qualified.”

“Thanks. Erm, see you in a bit.” You head into the bedroom and to the duffel bag filled with clothes, picking out a selection that should work and run a brush through your hair. You take it back in the bathroom – Leon politely pretends to be engrossed in whatever’s now on the TV - and place them down on the counter, before locking the door.

After a less than relaxing shower – foregoing washing your hair – injured arm hanging loosely by your side, you’re not sure how long it takes to wrestle to put on underwear, sweatpants and a t-shirt, but it’s not like you have anything to do or anywhere to go.  There’s no way you feel up to tackling the exercise bra that whoever has packed and asking Leon is simply beyond the question. It’s nice to be clean though. You’d tried to put the sling back on but had given up when your shoulder had started to smart after failed attempts and leave it half on/half off as you leave the bathroom.

Leon’s sat on the couch, phone in hand when you emerge. He turns, gives you a smile and nods at it.

“Need a hand with that?”

“Please. I tried, but…”

“Hey, it’s early days.” He stands up to meet you, pocketing his phone, as you walk over. “Sometimes they try and get you doing exercises from day one with dislocations too, but the medic advised you rest it for a week so I wouldn’t push yourself too hard.”

He takes adjusts the work you’d managed ever so slightly, and then puts everything in place. He steps closer to adjust it around your shoulder and you find yourself just staring into the expanse of his chest, when he sniffs.

 “Mm. What is that - strawberry?”

“Huh?” You look up.

“Your bodywash.” He tightens the strap in place, checking everything is holding snug. “Someone on supplies must’ve been feeling fancy to be stocking us with that.”

“Did you not shower?” Your face burns red as soon as the question leaves your lips. “Not that you…” You like his scent, actually, woody. “I mean, just the bodywa-”

He shrugs it off. “I get you. Er, no. I… Well, I didn’t want to whilst you were sleeping, you know, in case…”

“Oh.” In case someone or something attacked. “Well, you could now – if you want. I’m awake now, so… Unless it goes against protocol?”

“No.” As long as he takes his guns and other weapons in with him, he thinks, and casts a longing look at the bathroom. “Promise you’ll yell if you need me, or you hear a weird noise or… anything, right?”

“I’ll yell.”

“Good. Okay. Might see if there’s another bodywash packed though – not sure I’m a strawberry guy.” He heads over to the garage door where the other duffel bag remains and picks it up, carrying it into the bathroom and locks the door.

He emerges 20 minutes later, same sort of t-shirt and cargo pants combo as yesterday and there’s a whiff of strawberry scent as he walks past you to sit down on the other couch.

--

You’ve been staring blankly at the TV screen for a little while – some sort of house renovation show, kept the volume down low. There isn’t really much else to do here and, really, you don’t want to sit and dwell on your own thoughts. Leon gave you the remote control, told you it was your choice and, sure, you’d clicked down past some of your favourite shows but you don’t want to associate any of them with this, with what happened…

So, weird house renovation it is, though you’re not taking any of it in.

Leon had excused himself a little while ago, said there was still some things in the back of the SUV he needed to grab. You don’t look round when he comes back in but you hear the lock click once more, before you hear him open a cupboard and the tap runs. He shows up in your peripheral vision a few moments later, placing two glasses of water down on the coffee table, laptop tucked under his arm and looking sheepish through his hair.

“Dove, I… I need to ask you some questions about yesterday.”

“Questions?” You tuck your legs up underneath you, wanting to huddle your knees like you do when you watch a horror movie.

“Yeah. Get your statement, mainly. It’ll help the investigation. I’m going to record the audio.”

“Do you want the TV off?”

He smiles at your question – still so sweet and considerate despite the fact he’s the one about to interrogate you, make you relive what is surely the worst even of your life, and you’re worried about his audio quality.

“No, it’s low enough – it won’t get picked up if you wanna leave it on for background noise.”

“Okay. Erm, I think I’d like that.” You pause, digging your nails into your palm. “I’m not sure how much help I’ll be, though. It’s all… kind of a blur.”

“That’s okay,” he opens up his laptop, taps a few keys and angles it to set up to record so he can go over and pick key points up later, if there are any. “Anything will be great. We’ll take it slow. You ready?”

You’re not, but you doubt you ever will be.

“Ready.”

--

Masterlist . Requests welcome . Commissions/Ko-Fi

PS: Comments literally make my day! Lemme know if you're excited for part 3 x Part three.

So this is a very niche rant that is probably only something I've noticed or been annoyed by, but:

The longer Critical Role has gone on and the more changes they've made/content they've created, there's been an increase in weird people who are desperate and determined to prove that changes or content they don't like are "an objective failure" - but often lie or deliberately misunderstand viewership statistics to do so.

There are a few big "facts" I see repeated by people to argue that CR has "gone in the wrong direction" that are just plain wrong, and I think what annoys me most is seeing so many people engage with those "facts" without bothering to double-check them or push back against the certainty with which people state them. An example of one I keep seeing now is "twitch streaming numbers are down" and it's like, yeah, sure, in comparison to when they didn't simultaneously air on YouTube. If you add up the YT and Twitch numbers these days it's about the same as mid-late C2, but people love to act like YT streaming doesn't exist to make a point that "people don't like C3". And I tbh don't care if people like or dislike C3 but why this determination to falsely quantify and validate a personal preference?

The earliest I saw this was an intense agreement on reddit that Exandria Unlimited was a "failure" for CR, "unlike Undeadwood," because viewership numbers were lower. And it was tbh baffling to not see pushback against that narrative, because it's just objectively untrue. Original EXU's VOD streaming numbers are higher than every single episode of Undeadwood, and it premiered literally years later. It also has a lower "drop-off" in viewership (comparison of how many views episode 1 vs the finale has) than Undeadwood, despite frequent claims to the contrary. And don't mistake me here, I really enjoyed Undeadwood, but it actually was a viewership misstep for CR to the degree that they didn't try anything like it again for a while after and significantly changed how they approached marketing and airing miniseries. (A big one being: don't air a long miniseries simultaneously with the main series, it's too much content for most people to invest in during a week.)

(Sidebar, but another great miniseries CR did that didn't get a lot of viewership love is the Elder Scrolls Online trilogy, so I'm going to plug it here. It has some weirdly low viewership numbers on episodes 2 and 3 and I promise you they're both well worth it.)

The other one I keep seeing is "4 Sided Dive has lower numbers than Talks" which is also just not true. Most 4 Sided Dive VODs have nearly twice as many views as Talks VODs (and I'm using the ones that aired directly on the CR channel as a metric here, not the ones re-uploaded from G&S which lost numbers in the change-over). And I'll tbh chalk that up to the fact 4SD airs much less frequently - people are more likely to think it's necessary to watch whereas with Talks if you weren't interested in the guests you might skip a week. I'm not making any claims about the quality of either show, but the use of false viewership statistics to support "one of these sucks" is so rampant and so weird.

All this to say that yesterday I saw a weird viewer-hungry YouTube clickbait video titled "Midst a FAILURE for Critical Role!!" with a truly absurd confidence on what the VOD streaming numbers for the Midst YouTube videos mean for the series mere days after the premier and snapped.

tl;dr, people just make shit up and say whatever on the internet all the time and we hopefully all understand and expect that BUT (and here's the more annoying thing) 9 times out of 10 people just engage with that WITHOUT LOOKING INTO IT THEMSELVES

Hi those questions were me thanks for answering them sorry for thinking you had background info! I was wondering what do you think young Ann looked like if you do follow justscrolling765 do you follow her Hancock right hand story too!? What do you think a young Hayami looked like after leaving Judge and escaping the dragons? What do you think of Hayamis dynamic with Hancock even!? Sorry if this is a lot those books are so fun to read!!!

Haha no problem! I’ve been told I can ask for some insider info now but no promises on how much I can actually share (it’ll ruin the surprise!) but anyway yeah I do follow the other story as well, im actually in the process of designing Hayami right now!

As for Ann when she’s a child? I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday and I can’t help but think she’d dress like shanks or roger, maybe a little nicer like some of whitebeard’s children, at least when she was on the Oro. Living with Rouge the clothing itself was high quality but she dressed mostly in shorts and tank tops with the exception of when rouge had her wear skirts or dresses. She was constantly covered in bandaids and scrapes, I don’t see Ann going out of her way to pick fights as a kid but anyone caught badmouthing her dad was swiftly put in their place, even the adults. All of her old outfits are either torn or visibly mended, she also used to sport a full set of knee and elbow pads (rouge declared her too accident prone and forced her to wear them, didn’t stop her from getting hurt but at least it didn’t hurt as bad to walk or throw a punch after hitting the ground). I think it’d be really cute if she had it short for a long time until roger said smth about her hair reminding him of rouge and after that she grew it out.

After leaving Judge I imagine Hayami wearing some pretty plain things up until she’s turned into a slave for the celestial dragons after which they started dressing her nicely to match with the gorgon sisters (if I remember correctly they were more like trophy’s and had to look good rather than being working slaves) she was clearly malnourished but in the same way people starve themselves for beauty standards except the celestial dragons did it to “keep them looking pristine” after being released she went back to plain clothing until boa forced something nice onto her (it had been a year since they got back to Amazon lily) after which she developed her own style.

Thank you for the questions! This one was a little hard since I’m better at drawing someone’s appearance rather than describing it , I left Hayami’s pretty up in the air tbh bec honestly I don’t really know yet, I didn’t mention Ann’s height because that’s pretty dependent on where she is in her life. I’m not too sure what I think of Hancock and Hayami yet just because I haven’t gotten up to date with that one yet. @justscrolling765

Im very saddened by how many of my BSF larvae are dying. I think its bc im overwatering my containers and theres not enough airflow in the substrate (which is compressing and getting matted from the moisture and heat) so theyre suffocating and overheating. Ive been sifting out by hand so many dead ones and its gross and disturbing a little; seeing how theyve been suffering abd deformed when they were once thriving. Yesterday I saw one imago fly crawl desperately and pitifully out some of the substrate i picked out and it was so deformed and sickly. Gave me a shudder tbh (i put it out its misery and killed it).

Im saddened but i think this is a good learning lesson for how to curate better environments for the BSF larvae (which i do care abt v much beyond what they do for me in my composting project). Things I think ive been doing wrong include:

Not aerating the buckets enough

Not aerating the buckets/containers passively enough - with filters and pipes instead of constantly shifting and rolling the buckets

Not adding dry and wet material in layers - i got a bit selfish and mixed the dry material thruout the buckets instead of just on top of existing substrate in layers bc i wanted to clearly see the larvae eat food (i find it v cute and relaxing to watch). This was devistating for them bc of how much the paper trapped water and heat in the buckets, and probably gave the larvae more difficulty navigating thru the strings toward air and food.

Not using varied enough dry material - i used too much paper, which absorbs water well, but then matts up pretty substantially when oversaturated; also not enough larger, different pieces of dry material, which would help create air pockets in the soil and diversify material in the soil

Not having a good enough set up for the darker, mature larvae to migrate from the buckets and pupate - ive found a lot of these darker larvae dead bc they've either succumbed to poor conditions of the containers or have spent their last energy reserves on trying to get away from the younger larvae and migrate to a dark, cool place; this saddens me the most bc they were so close to their imago form and being free from the buckets to complete their life cycle :-(

Adding too much water - makes the enclosed buckets/containers more likely to trap heat by compressing the substrate

Adding too little substrate - at one point i figured, naïvely, that some buckets—before i switched to large containers—could stay cool if there were less substrate to trap heat. Ig it would have worked had the buckets not been in the sun lol

Keeping the containers in the sun - containters get too hot and so does the substrate, suffocating the larvae, proliferating mold, and probably making the conditions harsher for other variety of creatures; the amount of sun they get is only ever about 2 or 3 hrs worth in the morning and ive kept them in the sun last yr w little to no problem, but when i went to sift the material for completed bits, i noticed the buckets were extremely hot on some days especially in the bmiddle of the buckets. Its generally recommended to keep compost cool in the shade anyway to make it easier to work on and also maintain its internal tempurature better (bc the movement of the larvae, the fermenting of their feces, and other factors cain contribute to heat production).

Adding too much meat, bread and starchy foods, like potatoes, into the containers (particularly at the bottom, where the former rots poorly and creates sticky muck-balls that houseflies and their larvae fancy more, and the latter 2 which attracts lots of mold if theyre not eaten in time) - BSF larvae will eat practically anything organic, even if theres a bit of mold on it, so its why i feed them meat, but they seem to only do so successfully when its at the top of the container, and ofc when the containers conditions are comfortable for browsing and eating)

Sadly im dealing w a loss of a substantial portion of quality of my compost. Even though ive nearly completely filled an entire several gallon bucket full of mature compost (that i siftef from my progress containers), the substrate i have left is a lot and very unfinished. The only positives i got out of this mass death so early into this season are bitter learning lessons and less worry abt winterizing the buckets for the larvae's survival (morbid, i know lol).

But nicely enough, adult BSFs still come to visit my buckets (and land on me lol) and lay their eggs. Sunny summer season wont be over for another at least 3-4 months here, so im not losing hope. Even the death of the larvae has attracted to much life to the buckets (housefly larvae love the gross bits the BSF larvae didnt eat, and many little bettles and other creatures are abound).

This is my first lyric comic! Just in case, tw for blood, murder, and really unhealthy relationships, I guess?

I’m not sure how well these will load, as this is my first time posting pictures on tumblr, so here’s hoping tumblr doesn’t crunch the quality! If it does, maybe I could try to repost? Idk.

This is a lyric comic using the song “This is love” by Air Traffic Controller. The characters come from the Vargas AU made by @zarla-s, and it is absolutely fantastic! If you want to know more about the AU or the story it is based on, zarla explains it pretty well, so check out their stuff! 

I tend to ramble, so I’m going to put the comic and the rest of my spiel under a read more, for the sake of not making a huge post that’s annoying to scroll past. XD

For the sake of not reposting the chorus multiple times, I put it and the bridge together at the end, but the rest is in order. If anyone is curious about my design choices, feel free to ask. If anyone wants to redraw this better, also feel free! I know it is super messy and amateur-ish, but I was inspired to make this after I saw Zarla’s post mentioning the idea!

This took quite a while to make, and I actually intended to post this yesterday, but I think the day after Christmas is probably close enough. (,^~^)

Small note, I’m sure someone will probably notice similarities between some of my art and ones zarla posted. It’s probably most noticeable with the angel, tbh. But yeah, that was kinda on purpose? I don’t draw much, even though I enjoy it, so I’m not great at things like perspective and proportions. So, I used zarlas art as a reference for poses, trying to get close-ish to the original art without outright tracing. Then once I got more comfortable drawing the characters, I branched out more, like with the dancing scene. (^w^)

Any text in light grey/white is Edgar singing, dark grey is Scri, red is Nny, black is Nny and Scriabin, and for one scene the orange to red gradient is the waste-lock parasite speaking. I hope I did alright and kept it all mostly in character!

(Also, may I suggest “Mr. Fear” by siames as being sung to Edgar by Scriabin? It just feels like it fits.) 

(I own nothing but my own drawings, the Vargas AU and fic are Zarlas, and the original story is from “Johnny the Homicidal Maniac” by  Jhonen Vasquez.)

Hathellang of Bree-land (Léonys of Rohan Pt. 7)

Part 1 | Part 6 | Part 8 | Part 10

So far I’ve only encountered one quest in LotRO that I found myself disagreeing with entirely. It’s during the Epic questline, just before the Battle of the Pelennor fields, and it’s called Reserves of Courage. The game has you encouraging some soldiers who are about to give up with rousing tales of your adventures, featuring such exemplary stories as: Balrogs, which TBH the soldiers probably didn’t think existed anymore. Mordirith, who you just found out yesterday is still alive and also can’t be killed and also is leading the assault on this city. Dol Guldur and its associated Nazgûl. Also the PC is explicitly losing hope themselves, and while there’s something to be said for a narrative of someone going through the motions to encourage other people with platitudes they don’t believe, I don’t feel that angle was effectively played. So. Yeah. This is my response to that quest.

The thing you gotta understand about Tolkien and LotR is “Among the tales of sorrow and of ruin that come down to us from the darkness of those days there are yet some in which amid weeping there is joy and under the shadow of death light that endures” and also “I do not expect 'history' to be anything but a 'long defeat' - though it contains .... some samples or glimpses of final victory” but at the same time “the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.” Hathellang has always been much more “in tune” with LotR’s core themes than Léonys, a bit more hobbit-y, if you will, which is hard to showcase when the story isn’t told from his point of view (which is because I hate writing in his voice but that’s a whole other rant).

                         ***

This is how it is to be Hathellang of Bree-land:

The basket in your arms is a heavy burden, and you gladly set it down with a dull rattling noise on the battlement beside Celonor, who gives you a quizzical look. You can’t blame him; you’d hardly explained yourself before heading off to the Thirsty Seer to fetch it. You draw back the cover and produce two mugs in one hand and a large jug of beer in the other -- nothing fancy, as you have precious little money left, but you tasted it and it’s of decent quality, something of a nuttier, lighter version of Barliman Butterbur’s favored homebrew.

Celonor and the men behind him brighten up as they realize what it is you’ve brought, and gather around, taking the mugs of ale you hand out and then spreading out around the walltop again, still eyeing you curiously as you fill one for yourself.

You settle down on the battlement, swinging your legs around so you’re facing out, eastward towards Osgiliath and Mordor beyond it, and you can’t help but suppress a shiver at the sight. The men behind you have given into despair. How can you hope to have victory, indeed? Somewhere in the ruined city across the smoking Pelennor fields stands Mordirith, returned from death somehow, unable to be killed, and the drink turns to ash in your mouth.

Léonys had stood before Mordirith in Angmar, hurling insults and threats even as the terror forced her to her knees, crouched over the body of Lorniel or trying desperately to distract him from Golodir when the Ranger was broken by false visions of his daughter. You had stood behind her, and behind every word she spoke, but that is how Léonys channels her courage; through anger, and through determination, and through fighting every step of the way, even when victory seems impossible. You have never been so strong.

You think, wryly, that you ought not to have followed the Grey Company at Léonys’ urging. Blind devotion had overridden the voice of sense in your head that whispered that she ought not to be left alone, not after the way she had followed Gimli out of the caves in the back of Helm’s Deep like a skittish goat, eyes darting everywhere and seeing nothing, and the high-strung way she had spoken to you and managed to say everything and nothing at once. Perhaps it would not have if you had known then what she had left behind in those caves. Even now you know very little, an incomplete and hastily told account from Candaith, who had not been present for most of the events he spoke of, and had been reluctant to tell you what Léonys had chosen not to tell for herself. If you could do that morning over, perhaps you would have chosen differently, but you cannot, and you did not, and now you must play the hand you have been dealt.

You straighten your shoulders and lift your mug to your mouth again, stirring yourself from the memory. How can you hope to have victory? There is no hope for victory. You do not belong here. You are not a warrior or a leader; you are a thief, and your skills lie in hiding and lying and misdirection. But there is no leaving the White City now.

“You said that Echadon wished for you to speak to us, but you have said precious little,” Celonor says. “Is it true then, that there is no hope?”

You close your eyes, and then open them, drawing your gaze closer, to one of many towers of smoke rising from the fields below. “What was the Pelennor like?” you ask.

“What?” says another voice, from behind you and to your right.

“Before… everything,” you say. “What was it like?”

Some shuffling and murmuring. You do not look back. “Andor lived there,” someone says. “Tell him, Andor.”

Another pause, and then another voice speaks, of an older man, tinged with fear. “I own -- owned a farm, to the south, over there. “We grew… beans mostly, but my wife had a flower garden.”

You look back to follow where Andor is pointing. In the darkness you cannot make out the farm, if indeed anything remains to be seen, but you nod knowingly anyway. “What kind of flowers?” you ask.

Andor looks at you the exact same way Keeper Brombard Foxtail had looked at you when you had asked him about Mithril from the Michel Delving Mathom house, and it is that, more than anything, that brings the light back to your heart in that single moment as you stifle a laugh. “Primroses, mostly,” he says. “Snake’s head. Mostly primroses.” For a moment, silence reigns, and you scan the faces, confused, fearful, and heartbreakingly sad.

Andor continues. “There are great clusters of wood anemone beneath the Rammas in the south. She did not grow them; they are best kept away from farmland, and they don’t grow well in the open fields. But she loves them, and they are quite beautiful. Have you seen them?”

You are reasonably certain that you have, but you shake your head anyway, and Andor comes and settles on the battlement beside you. He is grizzled, not shaven well due to a scar that runs across his chin, and his skin corroborates his tale of long hours spent working in the sun, though he wears his armor with a comfort that speaks of habit. “They blanket the grounds beneath the wall, and in the woodlands beyond, clusters of leaves of the boldest green, and small white flowers with six petals. Our daughter calls them the eyes of the land, watching out for us.” He takes a long drink from his mug and then sighs. “I suppose it’s all dead now, though.”

You set your mug aside and draw your legs up onto the battlement, wrapping an arm around them. “I wish I could see it,” you say, and take a deep, shaky breath. “It’s beginning to be springtime, where I’m from. The wildflowers will be blooming in the fields; violets, marigolds, primroses. Mostly violets.” You raise your eyes to Osgiliath again as you continue. “Helena -- my sister, I suppose -- Helena will be starting her garden. She grows potatoes and onions, but last year she tried her hand at carrots. They were terrible. I can’t figure how you can ruin carrots but she did it, somehow. There’s a festival in the springtime; a hedge maze, baking and eating contests, horse races, dancing. Drinking. Lots of drinking. The winter rains move off and the new rains are gentle and warm.”

There’s an eerie silence on the walltop now. Even the wind seems to have fallen silent. You shiver in the suddenly chill air.

You drag your gaze away from Osgiliath and turn, looking at the eight or so men that stand behind you. Their eyes are bleak, as bleak as your own must be. You can read on their faces that they know what you are thinking. They do not -- cannot know about Angmar, or the Barrow-downs, or the orcs and bandits that roam freely across the fields around Bree-town, but they know that there is evil there, read the fear in your voice that upon your return, if you do return, there may no longer be eating contests, or a hedge maze, or horse races. And even if there are, if these things persist for a little in the face of Sauron’s inevitable power, how long? How long before even the memory of them fades?

This, then, is the difficult bit.

You throw back and drain your mug, setting it down with a harsh clatter on the battlement beside you. A stiff gust of wind sweeps past and you stand up, and draw your cloak about yourself.

“So there is no hope.”

It is not a question, but you respond anyway. “Not really, no.”

“Then why do we prepare for battle?” someone demands, and you hear the clatter of another mug hitting the stone of the battlement.

You shrug, turning back to face the men behind you. “What’s the other choice?” you ask.

Andor looks about, eyes darting shiftily, before speaking. “The Withered Tree promises mercy if we surrender.”

“Well, that’s definitely not going to happen,” you say, matter of factly, “if your orcs are anything like the ones back home.” There is some disgruntled murmuring; they can read the truth in your voice as clearly as they read the doubt. “It’s how most things worth doing get done,” you say. “You’ve come this far, so you might as well go a step further, and then a step after that. We’re here, and we can’t leave, so we might as well fight.”

There’s a long pause. “You are not a strong motivator,” Celonor says.

“Oh, that’s very true,” you reply, picking up the jug and pouring a little more beer into your mug. “I’m right, though.” You don’t wait for a response before forging ahead. “I probably won’t go home. It’s too much to hope for. But it’s what I want. And I want it enough to fight for it, even if I don’t expect it to happen.” You hold out a hand for Andor’s mug. “Does the Withered Tree promise a farm that grows beans and a flower garden with primroses and wood anemone in the woodlands?”

The man shakes his head as he hands you the mug, smiling grimly and sadly. “You have only been here a few days. There is no victory against the Enemy.”

“Of course not,” you say. “But there’s no victory in surrender.”

Celonor frowns. “And you’re willing to die for that -- for a hope that you don’t believe you’ll ever see?”

“I’m willing to live,” you correct him. “If I was dead, then I wouldn’t be worrying about any of this.” The mugs are plain clay, cracked glaze offering textures that you run your fingers over contemplatively for a moment before handing Andor his refilled cup. “I have a great deal to live for, and it would be nice, if I could see it again.” You meet his eyes, and the eyes of the men behind him. “Do you have nothing to live for?”

“You are right in this,” Celonor says, looking out over the field. “Men of Minas Tirith have much to live for. Let it never be said that we quailed before the hosts of Mordor, not while the White City yet stands.”

Andor nods as well. “My wife and daughter traveled westward, with the last of the wains. I would see them again, and no orc-host will let me live in peace with my family.”

Murmurs of agreement rise from the walltop, and with a small twitch of your lips you raise your mug. “To living,” you say. “Even if it’s not for much longer.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Celonor says.

“Aye,” says Andor, and mugs clink against each other, a tiny spark of life amid the dread that hangs over the Tower of Guard.

Part 1 | Part 6 | Part 8 | Part 10

The BFG

thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 9:43 PM Hello! mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:43 PM Is There A High Thursday Picture Show Gloss? highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:43 PM Hello, and there is! mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:43 PM

Sharpwing — Yesterday at 9:44 PM Hiya!! What's the movie? mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:44 PM and or possibly game highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:45 PM The BFG. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:45 PM OOO Sharpwing — Yesterday at 9:45 PM Ohhh!! I love that one!! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 9:46 PM Oh!  That's a fun one mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:46 PM never even heard of it but i want GIVE highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:46 PM Then you're in for a ride. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:46 PM i wish i had nitro

mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:47 PM hullo concept: gloss that gets you high Sharpwing — Yesterday at 9:49 PM I think that's just certain types of varnish. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 9:49 PM Oh it has the reduced quality warning already, a good sign mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:49 PM ugh my wifi is bad rn highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:52 PM Picture, sound, yes, no? Sharpwing — Yesterday at 9:52 PM dsfngsdjfgnsdf it tells me you're not even sharing your screen Aha! PICTURE And sound!! YESSSSS highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:53 PM Glorious! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 9:53 PM Working alright! mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:54 PM so what IS this Sharpwing — Yesterday at 9:54 PM Wait.... this isn't the movie I know at all! There's another one? highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:54 PM Oh yes! You thought this was the coherent one? Not a chance. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 9:54 PM Oho!  So it's not the recent one? Sharpwing — Yesterday at 9:54 PM It's based off a book by the guy who wrote Charlie and the Chocolate Factory The new one is COHERENT? THEN WHAT IS THIS GONNA BE highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:55 PM Well, I for one am very excited about this.

Sharpwing — Yesterday at 9:55 PM same, tbh (For you, this must be a horror movie opening... because Owl) highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:55 PM Off to a horrific start. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 9:55 PM Is the owl going to take someone on a MAGICAL ADVENTURE? mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:56 PM Okay is it just QUIET or am i not hearing it at all thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 9:56 PM and/or steal their sibling? Sharpwing — Yesterday at 9:56 PM There's soft music mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:56 PM I'm having to turn my volume up a bit much to properly hear like, even the dialog Sharpwing — Yesterday at 9:56 PM ....I can't understand a word they're saying, but there is in fact sound, for me highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:57 PM Better? thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 9:58 PM Ohhhh this is on youtube?  Could I have the link?  The actual stream's kinda... jerky for me.  Keep having to stop watching and then watch again highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:58 PM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJ86qPEsmK8&ab_channel=SimpsonsClips24 YouTube SimpsonsClips24 Roald Dahl's The BFG (1989) - Full Movie (FULLY RESTORED)

mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:58 PM My own wifi is causing issues but i would think so thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 9:58 PM Thank you! mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 9:58 PM i hope highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:58 PM 5:07. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 9:59 PM Got it! highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:59 PM Wonderful! mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:00 PM i think it's better, ill let you know if it's still an issue when things are like, actively going on Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:00 PM snatch thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:00 PM Oh no! Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:02 PM That kid surely has whiplash by now thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:02 PM Right? Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:02 PM OH SURE. OF COURSE THE OTHER GUYS DON'T WEAR PANTS. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:04 PM I'm at my max volume and im still having trouble hearing thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:04 PM Oh, good!  Accents! highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:04 PM "OI VOTED TWICE FOR LEAVE, OI DIDS!" Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:06 PM Oh no. P u n s. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:06 PM how COULD she think otherwise! highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:06 PM It's a mystery! mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:07 PM I'm just vibing and listening to this in the background I think either my headphones are bunk or my ears are thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:08 PM Sorry if you've already checked, but are they plugged in all the way mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:10 PM They're bluetooth But I'm at max volume and can still barely make it out Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:11 PM Oh wait! Discord has its own volume slider, have you checked that yet? Like, in your own call mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:11 PM I'm on mobile That's also at max Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:11 PM Awww :/ thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:12 PM "well, since I'm trapped here forever, I guess I CAN keep a secret" mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:13 PM Oop that's way better thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:14 PM good job! That water looks... unwholesome ...is it booze Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:20 PM No... it's Fart Soda. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:20 PM ............................................ Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:20 PM WAIT A MINUTE. THERE'S A SONG ABOUT IT?? ......Okay, okay, that's probably more true to the book.... thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:21 PM oh my god Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:21 PM I KNOW. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:21 PM "No!" It would have been less uncomfortable if he'd just loaded her up with liquor. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:22 PM :point_up_2: mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:22 PM as someone who's listening and not watching: What's a whizzpop fizzbang thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:23 PM It's a fart that makes you fly up in the air somehow. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:23 PM Someone else explain this so I don't have to. Thank you. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:24 PM I swear I'm not making this up. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:24 PM Also your species is disgusting. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:24 PM agreed thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:24 PM This is NOT representative. Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:24 PM Listen, you're not wrong, but we don't do that-- thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:24 PM it is 100% fake highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:24 PM Too late. These things can't be unknown. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:24 PM admittedly while our modes of failure are more numerous, yours are more explosive. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:25 PM Oh slag, what did I miss? thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:25 PM There was a song about farts. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:25 PM Time to rewind it so Smokescreen can be subjected to it. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:25 PM Farts... NO mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:25 PM for instance: Humans when they get shot in the heart just die quietly, meanwhile you guys explode Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:25 PM I'M GOOD thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:25 PM Yes, let's! Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:25 PM You don't die when you get shot!! mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:26 PM we can pull a joint and collapse, you can pull a T-cog and turn into a metal ball instead of a car Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:26 PM ......I'm not listening to this again. No. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:26 PM What would happen if you stood on your head after eating a whizzpop fizzbang Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:27 PM That drink looks delicious am I going to regret saying that Oh. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:27 PM Yes.  Oh. Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:28 PM I can only assume you'd be flattened by g-forces, if you stood on your head. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:29 PM failing that the bubbles get confused, and you explode hilariously. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:29 PM No, no, it's the gas that goes down.  So you'd just burp. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:29 PM no you'd explode Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:29 PM So what happens if you chug the whole thing mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:29 PM humans need more ways to explode, cybertronians get all the fun. Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:29 PM ....oh right, you do have a point NOT THE EXPLODING THING MY MESSAGE SENT AT A BAD TIME mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:29 PM YES the exploding thing Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:30 PM NO!! WE CAN EXPLODE IN SO MANY WAYS, WE DON'T NEED MORE mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:30 PM THE GIANT ROBOTS HAVE MORE WAY TO EXPLODE THAN WE DO. THEY ARE WINNING. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:30 PM ... Wait, so this is the BFG, right? I can't believe they made a story called the Big Fucking Gun mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:30 PM yeah that's what they're on a quest to get the small child needs the Big Fucking Gun to murder the giant with to take its powers and become giant themself Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:32 PM I have to say, I very much admire the people that painted the backgrounds thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:32 PM Definitely Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:35 PM What decade is this from again? highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:36 PM 1980s. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:37 PM Ooooooooo Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:37 PM I thought I recognized those synth noises. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:38 PM has someone exploded yet Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:39 PM Not yet. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:39 PM boooo Mimic — Yesterday at 10:39 PM hello! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:39 PM Hello!  You missed an entire musical number about... farts. Mimic — Yesterday at 10:40 PM I... wish that was not something that has occurred more than once in my life highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:41 PM "I gets a tingly feeling when I peeks into the bedroom window." Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:41 PM Oh. Oh no highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:41 PM Aaand then this happens. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:41 PM I kind of wonder if he's supposed to be doing this mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:41 PM whaaaaats happenin Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:41 PM Oh, this feels like my nightmares, synth and everything Mimic — Yesterday at 10:41 PM the shit animated movies used to get away with Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:41 PM Less Optimus though highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:42 PM Mine could do with a little less synth and a little more Optimus. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:42 PM :smirk: Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:42 PM Well, in fairness, that is the most accurate animated version of a dream I've ever seen. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:42 PM Are you SURE you want Optimus to stare at you in utter disappointment, Woojit? Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:42 PM Wait, you guys both dream about synth noises? Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:43 PM Don't all dreams contain an aggressive synth soundtrack? Mimic — Yesterday at 10:43 PM mine do occasionally get aggressively vaporwave... thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:44 PM Sure, hold her up so she can see someone get murdered Soulsteel — Yesterday at 10:44 PM The moral of this story is don't sleep with your windows open. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:44 PM That sounds like the opposite of a problem. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:45 PM Woojit, I would love to swap dreams with you if I could. Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:45 PM Honestly, I hardly ever remember my dreams' sounds. Once, a sound around me worked into a dream... so I know it must happen, but. I can't remember synth soundtracks. .......They could be there. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:45 PM PPHPHFFFF- The queen? You sure? Soulsteel — Yesterday at 10:46 PM I can and will. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:46 PM Pffffff So is it like, his job, supernaturally, to give people dreams?  Or is it more of a hobby Is he the sandman highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:47 PM A very questionable hobby. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:47 PM ... Is he responsible for ALL dreams? Like. All dreams? Even the questionable ones? thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:47 PM He did sort of imply, when they were in dream country, that they can go to people on their own. Mimic — Yesterday at 10:47 PM definitely a hobby. he greatly enjoys sneaking good dreams into the ears of sleeping children. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:47 PM His whole bit about catching the bad dreams so nobody will have them Just seems... weird and intrusive mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:48 PM brb I've gotta do a Thing that the stream audio will distract me from Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:48 PM But like.... What about the dreams that are... you know. Funner. I don't think I want HIM to make those dreams for me thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:48 PM Like I said!  Weird and intrusive. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:49 PM Oh he makes those dreams for you just for you Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:50 PM Noooooo mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:50 PM we all get them from our brains but you get BFG made ones as a treat Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:50 PM That explains a lot mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 10:50 PM from the big fucking gun Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:50 PM He can keep those dreams highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:51 PM The BFG enjoys the noises you make when you sleep. You specifically. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:52 PM You know? I think I can go a few nights without sleeping! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:53 PM Shhhhh your brain makes your dreams, too. Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:53 PM This maid is having a very weird day. Mimic — Yesterday at 10:53 PM and you're sure he won't be waiting? just... waiting for you, specifically, to sleep? highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:53 PM "Come speak to me from the only angle they felt the need to draw me at." Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:53 PM .... Hey, Woojit, how long can a bot go without sleeping? thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:54 PM Why are the maid's eyes all blue like that?  Has she been at the spice? highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:54 PM She's wracked by lead poisoning. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:54 PM "It stands for big fucking gun!" And then he leads an assassination attempt thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:55 PM Ha! highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:55 PM "WhoOAAh." Mimic — Yesterday at 10:55 PM "OKAY, THIS MIGHT AS WELL BE HAPPENING" highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:55 PM You'll pass out, but not before hallucinating the BFG. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:56 PM :trauma: highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:56 PM "Oh dear, she's frightfully dead." thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:57 PM Oh god Sharpwing — Yesterday at 10:57 PM Well, this scene is oddly exact to the newer one. Framing and all. Soulsteel — Yesterday at 10:57 PM Where is Parliament in all of this? Mimic — Yesterday at 10:57 PM Also, is the queen sedated?! she is taking all this way too calmly thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:57 PM She's super high Mimic — Yesterday at 10:58 PM yeah, that tracks Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:59 PM I wish I could be that high! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:59 PM "anymore" Mimic — Yesterday at 11:00 PM okay, high on what, because unless she produces thc in her bloodstream we are rapidly outpacing "high on weed" and approaching "high on multiple types of opiate" Soulsteel — Yesterday at 11:01 PM These all sound like viable Decepticon names. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:01 PM The queen can't feel her feet. She doesn't even care that a giant just soiled himself in front of her breakfast table. Soulsteel — Yesterday at 11:01 PM MORE DAKA Mimic — Yesterday at 11:02 PM MORE DAKKA thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:02 PM More dakka! Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:04 PM Ah yes... the cheerful music over the imposing brigade of helicopters I feel like the tone is... off thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:04 PM Flying into the Eye of Sauron Soulsteel — Yesterday at 11:05 PM I feel like this violates a lot of laws of both worlds. Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:05 PM ARE THOSE DINOSAURS thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:05 PM At this point, why not! Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:07 PM How are they not waking up. Never mind..... thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:08 PM Gosh, I think I saw a porno like this once Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:08 PM you what? thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:08 PM Nothing Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:08 PM ... Where Soulsteel — Yesterday at 11:08 PM I was about to say, I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:10 PM Whoops! Mimic — Yesterday at 11:10 PM Be aware of your surroundings! Zombieland rules, dammit! Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:11 PM Wait... they call him the BFG?? But they're so much bigger than him?? thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:11 PM Maybe they don't know what it stands for? Mimic — Yesterday at 11:11 PM might be sarcasm. "Oh, look at you being big enough to be friendly instead of murderous like us" Soulsteel — Yesterday at 11:11 PM Instead of freeing his compatriots or neutralizing the humans, he stomps off to fight alone. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:12 PM Well, they don't seem very bright Mimic — Yesterday at 11:12 PM ... wait, did the BFG inspire the house elves in Harry Potter. 'cause looking at him getting shaken around reminds me a loooot of Dobby Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:12 PM He doesn't seem to be the sharpest when it comes to strategy. ...Or teeth, for that matter. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:12 PM OH god, you're right Dobby is not eating humans! Mimic — Yesterday at 11:14 PM Other giants is bad, evil giants! highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:15 PM "Oi is not a traitor because..........." Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:16 PM Why did the giant have an ass like that. They did not have to do that. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:16 PM There were a lot of things in this movie they didn't have to do Mimic — Yesterday at 11:16 PM no they did not, but like the sculptors of the Mothman statue, they cared highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:19 PM Plot twist, the BFG was a remorseless child eater and he just eliminated the competition. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:19 PM The dreams are so they don't struggle. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:19 PM "None of yis are safe!" Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:19 PM PFFFFF- Can you imagine? Soulsteel — Yesterday at 11:19 PM Shhh, no tears, only dreams. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:20 PM oh. he's making blowing dreams ... That explains a lot thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:20 PM oh. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:20 PM Oh, so he's the one responsible for those? Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:20 PM That explains some of the weird Shockwave dreams. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:20 PM I"m sure everyone has weird Shockwave dreams. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:21 PM Are you even a Cybertronian if you don't have a weird dream about Shockwave at least once? highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:21 PM Absolutely not. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:21 PM ... What are your Shockwave dreams/nightmares like, Woojit? highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:22 PM They usually involve him doing sordid things to me and taking down the numbers. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:22 PM Yeah, that sounds about right. Does his eye turn into a horrifying, yet alluring mouth in your dreams, too? highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:22 PM He doesn't even have a house. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:23 PM He doesn't even have food for her. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:23 PM Not yet, but they just might start now. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:23 PM You're welcome, Woojit! Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:23 PM THE SONG IS BACK. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:23 PM :frowning: Mimic — Yesterday at 11:23 PM was it important enough to warrant being hte credits song highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:24 PM l dream of Soundwave's eye mouth while this song plays. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:24 PM He can do some impressive things with it!! highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:24 PM I'm sure he can! Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:24 PM He can eat an entire energon cube, cube and all! Mimic — Yesterday at 11:24 PM this is an endorsement? Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:24 PM .....Is this a bad time to mention I have a small figure of Shockwave, and I put a googly eye where his eye is? Mimic — Yesterday at 11:24 PM that makes you an artist Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:25 PM I am! I painted the figure too, I painted most ones I have thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:25 PM This is the perfect time to mention that. Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:26 PM I wouldn't even have thought to mention it, except I laughed really hard at it while sleep-deprived last night lmao Mimic — Yesterday at 11:26 PM what I'm saying specifically is that act awes me with your creative direction Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:26 PM Oh boy!! I wanna play Raid Shadow Legends now! Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:26 PM ndksfjgnsdklfjg I think I saw someone else do it first tbh I forget where or who though Mimic — Yesterday at 11:27 PM if you don't remember where you got it but still acted on it and enjoyed the result, I can still appreciate you chose to do that Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:28 PM Thank you, he looks ridiculous Mimic — Yesterday at 11:28 PM good thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:31 PM I love it ...this is like dwarf fortress except your guys don't trigger the traps highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:32 PM Oh no. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:33 PM :person_facepalming: Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:34 PM I hear human flesh and I. I need to head back home and grab dinner! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:34 PM Smokescreen????? Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:34 PM I forgot to grab a snack before I got here! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:34 PM What exactly are you having for dinner :angry: Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:34 PM NOT HUMAN thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:35 PM We just watched a WHOLE MOVIE about how that's bad! Mimic — Yesterday at 11:35 PM ... sus Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:35 PM It's Energon! Made into noodles and stuff! Nothing like humans, I think thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:35 PM okay good Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:35 PM What kinda bot do you think I am?? Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:36 PM I am now wondering what the equivalent of cheap ramen is for you thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:36 PM One who hears about eating human flesh and thinks of dinner, apparently! ...So, farting is a theme for this stream, huh. "Let's go straight to hell!" Oh my god He's sleeping. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:43 PM Suggestions to end the night on, anyone? Mimic — Yesterday at 11:43 PM oh! I have one! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsNAu72v2Yc YouTube Screen Rant CATS Pitch Meeting

mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 11:45 PM Like a second big thing or just random videos thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:45 PM "and the prize is... death!" "oh, my god" mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 11:47 PM i have a thing lemme get a link https://youtu.be/okFP92BfkUU YouTube Alex Bale SPONGEBOB CONSPIRACY #4: The Evolution Theory

I'm entirely serious highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:47 PM "Because." Mimic — Yesterday at 11:48 PM "Now you're getting it!" "No, I'm not, no." thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:48 PM "barely an inconvenience!" Mimic — Yesterday at 11:48 PM btw, there's one of these for the Bayformers movie too. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:49 PM "oh right, oh my god" mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 11:50 PM i still offer the Spunch Bop theory Mimic — Yesterday at 11:50 PM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKCZttlAj1E and I offer this YouTube Screen Rant Transformers Pitch Meeting

mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 11:51 PM dear god his optics Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:52 PM :eye: :eye: thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:52 PM accurate Mimic — Yesterday at 11:52 PM hah! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:54 PM very efficient! highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:54 PM "Kind of." mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 11:54 PM Is that something the allspark can do at all like just point it at a car and suddenly it's a car Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:54 PM Is someone's mic on? mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 11:54 PM or did they just bullshit that IT WAS MINE OH NO Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:55 PM I just heard a very tiny laugh, it's fine thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:55 PM Gosh I wonder why Megatron would be mad at this point :thinking: Barely an inconvenience! "what" mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 11:57 PM i once again offer: https://youtu.be/okFP92BfkUU YouTube Alex Bale SPONGEBOB CONSPIRACY #4: The Evolution Theory

this nonsense highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:57 PM I'm afraid that's where we need to pack it in. Mimic — Yesterday at 11:57 PM well, thank you for the stream! mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 11:57 PM Aw Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:57 PM Thanks!! It was........ well it was fun at least highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:57 PM It was...something! Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:58 PM It Was A Thing! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:58 PM Thank you for hosting! :smile: highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:58 PM Good night everyone, and as always, thank you for coming! Mimic — Yesterday at 11:58 PM good night, and thank you! Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:58 PM Gnight!<3 Thank you for hosting! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:58 PM Despite making us listen to the fart song three times. Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:58 PM THERE WAS THAT, YES. mysteryfleshpitnationalpark — Yesterday at 11:58 PM night! thanke! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:59 PM Goodnight!

Things are... just kinda crazy right now tbh.

There’s just... so much going on. Stuff with both schools (college and RAMA), my low energy, my practice, identity issues (I think I might be aro) and, of course, the fires.

Pretty much the entire state of Oregon is on fire right now. I’ve been particularly stressed because one of the biggest fires is about 30 miles away from where I live. I should be fine; it’s unlikely that it will ever reach us due to the topography, but it is still stressful. That, and the fact that it looks like the apocalypse outside. This is the view from my apartment:

The air quality is horrendous, too. Like... hazardous level. So I’ve been kind of locked up inside, trying to keep myself calm and sane.

Bleghh so much not good stuff lately. Here are some good things that I am grateful for: Yesterday, I made homemade bread for the first time! It went super well, and I am really excited to start getting into baking. I even got a mixer today, because I am absolutely not mixing that thick of dough by hand again. Also, another reason that I’m excited to bake is because I can use them as offerings to Skadi, which she loves.

Let’s see... what else... I have acupuncture this weekend! Which will help my low energy and imbalance. Besides that, I have actually been feeling a tad bit better the past couple of days. Yesterday, I felt like doing some Qigong and I did, and this morning I woke up and felt like someone or something was calling me to the Astral, so I did a little bit of work up there.

Fall is almost here. I just... need to be patient. And breathe. And try to remember that things will be okay. 

That’s it for now. I hope that everyone has a wonderful rest of their day.

Blessings!

opinion on the term bl?

uhhhhhh…very complicated. I might have written a whole rant post before on the topic on this blog on an empty stomach so it was most likely not very nuanced (I think it was about people saying that The Untamed didn’t count as BL).

buckle in, this got suuuper long

tbh i first came into contact with the term in the early 2000s and since the internet didn’t play any role at my age then, the only context I had were magazines (here in Europe) and manga publications.

I knew that BL was a whole genre in Manga and that it featured gay romance and that fans / content creators would refer to themselves at fujoshi. Now, at that time I was only figuring out that I was bi, didn’t know any Japanese and didn’t have any friends with cultural ties to Japan.

So based on the magazines I read, I started to believe that “Fujoshi” literally meant “Rotten Girl” because of the taboo of same-sex relationships and the tantalizing sense of the forbidden that comes with it.

While I read some BL manga (couldn’t tell you the titles anymore), I never referred to myself as a Fujoshi or being into BL because both terms seemed to apply only to Japanese people and the sense of “the forbidden” in regards to same-sex relationships didn’t fit to my reality (having been to a same-sex marriage with my family at age 8 etc) and also felt demeaning to me.

After learning Japanese and living in Japan I didn’t really question my aversion to the terms, since I did have access to the internet now but didn’t think of fact-checking everything I had “learned” pre-internet (I think it is important to note here that the magazines weren’t the highest in quality in terms of journalistic prowess nor scientific in any way. They were just short entertaining articles, aimed at teenagers like me, trying to profit from the still ongoing wave of japanese pop culture in the west) and my only experience with both bl content and real life fujoshi wasn’t that positive:

My feelings on BL and fujoshi culture were heavily influenced by 

- the wave of very sad and traumatizing gay movies in Japan that most of the time ended in double suicides of the main characters

- rape storylines getting romanticized in manga

- pretty heavily stereotyped gay characters in main stream tv series that were only there for comedic relief

- the Fujoshi I knew back then being weirded out by the thought of same-sex relationships between women and basing their thought on gay men solely on the content they consumed 

- not finding the hailed “subversion of traditional gender roles” or discussion thereof in the BL my friends consumed. 

- my gay friends in japan having very frustrating encounters with fujoshi who started to treat them like an open air circus and not making them feel supported in real life 

- people around me making judgments based on attractiveness on whether gay people should get supported, while the hint of a celebrity being gay was weaponized  against them

now, this pretty much sums up, why I tended to have negative thoughts on the subject and felt more sympathetic to the push from some people in the queer community in japan to please retire terms like “uke” and “seme” when talking about real people.

since then, i didn’t intervene when other female friends in japan would use the term for themselves, because it still was a term coined in japan and those people were actually supportive of queer people so i didn’t see how me being preachy about it just because of my experience and not calling myself a fujoshi or fan of bl would be of any help and/or called for.

jump to 2018/2019 and i started to read more papers about it on a whim because i started to watch Crossing The Line and for the first time in a long while I was in a fandom again where people called the genre “BL” and themselves fujoshi/fudanshi.

I came to know that what I assumed the origin story of the term “Fujoshi” to be had been misreported (shocker) by the magazines back in my youth and that apparently the term was also widely used in Thailand, Taiwan and Mainland China. especially the knowledge that apparently TERFs were behind a pushback of the term made me reevaluate my opinion.

Since I have really no insight into Chinese or Thai culture it is not on me to judge whether it is appropriate for people there to use BL as a genre signifier etc and from all I have read, in some cases it is really about finding a way of creating and distributing queer content in a place that is not lgbtqi+ friendly or use it as means of finding expressions for one’s own sexuality etc.

Obv. there are genre conventions I will get annoyed about and criticize (all female characters are evil etc) but those things are also not BL exclusive so there’s not much sense in condemning a whole genre that at least tries to push some conventions.

With the Internet and a global push for more lgbtqi+ rights there is now definitely a strong symbiotic relationship between queer content and real life social changes. so being harder on queer content (in general) because it isn’t perfect doesn’t make anything better for queer people. 

nowadays there has been some wonderful content in japan with a push for real life legal changes as well, taiwan has the marriage for all and thailand is also pushing for a civil union for everyone.

especially in the case of mainland china with strict censorship rules i will congratulate anyone who tries to sneak some ambiguity in. it saddens me that the rules are as strict and that there are even more hardships for lgbtqi+ people in real life but i would never say that not creating any content that could be interpreted as queer should be favoured over trying to do something, regardless of how lacking the result might seem. 

The reason why I ranted about BL as a genre term recently was mostly directed at western fans with no cultural ties to any of the aforementioned cultures, but i definitely didn’t stress that enough in my previous post.

Since I still don’t call myself a fujoshi or being into the BL genre I am suspicious of western fans calling themselves as such. because i project my own experience and knowledge on them and there are people out there who definitely emphasize the cheeky “rotten” side of themselves while not knowing (like past me) where the term comes from and that it does’t have to do with any “forbidden fruit”. i assume a certain laziness when straight people will try and convince me that they are allies to me, because they consume BL series, but will still call me “the man” in the relationship etc.

There can definitely be a need for a similar outlet that allows people to write about gender roles, sexualities etc in a similar way but very often the argument of “it is female empowerment to be into BL” is just warping the origin story of the term into an excuse for homophobic statements. I see the term get applied to western shows as well (when there isn’t a need for using a Japanese term, especially not when there’s a missing understanding of its origin) and actual mlm shows in asia being dismissed just because it doesn’t fit the BL genre conventions (point and example: people in the west discounting The Untamed as mlm content because they weren’t explicit about it; What Did You Eat Yesterday getting dismissed because of similar reasons and the diversion from presumed age and beauty standards of BL as a genre). That way western fans made BL feel quite restrictive and not interchangeable with mlm anymore, which just confounds me.

in the end it also comes down to scope: someone writing fanfiction, producing small indie series cannot really be harmful even when they content might seem so. so regardless of what the genre entails it is important to put everything in perspective and whether this is the hill someone wants to die on, instead of leaving space for artistic expression, cultural differences and celebrating the steps into a more loving world for all.

tl;dr: I feel many emotions; there’s always space to learn more and I am grateful to everyone who made posts about the racism in criticizing the terms “Fujoshi” / “BL”; I don’t use the term myself, but only feel wary when westerners use it; personally I prefer to use mlm or wlw as content describers but I am also not 100% satisfied with that as well

ask me my opinion on ______

okay, well today was fine. I woke up briefly at like 10:15 and looked at my phone, people were talking about starting a gaming session and I considered getting up and participating but decided I wanted to sleep more, so I went back to sleep until like 2:24 I think when I woke up again and actually got up that time. I got clothes on and then came downstairs, had some food and then ended up getting sent on a trip to Target for a few things my mom needed and a few things I wanted to get. I really liked how the donuts from yesterday turned out and my brother wanted me to make more so I grabbed a few things for that, and I’d been wanting to try out the magnolia bakery banana pudding recipe they released recently so I got a few things for that, and an extra can of sweetened condensed milk (I already needed one for the banana pudding) in case I decide to make this recipe I found called “butter rolls” which is basically a variation of a cinnamon roll but cooked in like this creamy sauce and it looks really good, and we had all the other ingredients so I just grabbed that, and we’ll see what happens. I also grabbed some drinks and some snacks and a few other things, pretty successful trip overall. I came home to find we’d just been paid a visit by my cousin’s cousin whose family lives out east on LI (so it’s my uncle who married my mom’s sister’s family members, in this case his nephew) on a farm and they brought us a ton of like fresh produce and stuff and a whole bunch of like good quality snacks and like pancake mix and just a whole bunch of stuff, so that was good. I put the groceries away and shortly afterwards I had to somewhat participate in a phone call with the estate lawyer that’s helping us figure things out. It was a fairly boring conversation where I feel like we didn’t learn too much more than we already knew, and I kinda tuned out for some of it answering some twitter messages. the main thing here that’s actually going to matter is what we do with the law firm, which is either going to be that my older brother quits his job as a prosecutor and takes over, which was always supposed to be the plan, just not this soon, or if he chooses not to do so and then we’d have to figure out if we wanted to have someone else run it temporarily or sell it to another firm that we’d referred a lot of cases to and other such things. the thing is it has to be held by a lawyer licensed in New York, which of course means I don’t qualify, and we were talking about the possibility of maybe operating pro hac vice in NY (which just means temporary licensing basically) but that would probably be more trouble than it’s worth and tbh it’s not really something I want to do, like I will if necessary but it’s not what I would choose. so yeah, we’re figuring that out. I do think the best choice is my brother taking over, and I know my mom feels the same way, but we really don’t want to put any pressure on him about it because it absolutely needs to be his decision, it would obviously be a huge career shift for him and he’d have to out a lot of work into it, and it could be risky financially because he currently has a guaranteed salary at his job, whereas with the firm it would all be up in the air depending on the cases. so yeah, that was a lot. we finished up the phone call and had dinner shortly afterwards (more pasta leftovers) and then I grabbed my laptop and earbuds and watched this week’s batwoman episode. I tried taking notes while watching since I wasn’t livetweeting, but then of course they ended up being a lot more detailed than the notes I would write afterwards, so we’ll have to see how that works out. Once I was finished with that it was like 8 pm, so I took a few minutes to prep the first part of the banana pudding recipe (the pudding part) that needed to sit in the fridge overnight to set. that wasn’t terribly difficult, basically just combining sweetened condensed milk with vanilla pudding mix and some water, then sticking it in the fridge overnight. after that I just chilled for a bit until Legends came on at 9 for me to watch and livetweet. I really enjoyed this episode, I thought it was a lot of fun and very classic Legends humor. I still don’t know where they’re taking Sara’s plotline here with the powers and such, but I guess we’ll see what they do going forward. it’s been fun though, so that’s good, and I think the team is really starting to jive together with the more recent additions. after that was over I just kinda chilled in the kitchen for a bit with various family members around, my sister had pulled out the waffle maker and was trying to make waffles but only had the bisquick “shake and pour” mix that’s only supposed to be used for pancakes so it was very watery and the first like two waffles came out like kind of hollow with it mostly just being like the crust around it with not much inside, so she gave me one of those and it was actually really good for what it was haha so I enjoyed that. and yeah, basically I just chilled for a bit longer down there before coming upstairs to shower, do my pills for the week, and start getting ready for bed, and now I’m here. It’s just a bit past 1 am so definitely time for bed and I’ll end this here. Goodnight dearies. Sleep tight.

Regarding a previous ask on lack of women in cp, I gotta say rereading the trilogy none of the characters have a very high opinion of women either. We have Jord who prefers men because "you know what was what with men", the Regent who just doesn't like them on principle, Damen who disparages Jokaste for apparently wanting power, and Laurent who calls Jokaste a "whore queen". Internalized misogyny on the author's part or "historical" accuracy? Your fics are like crack to me btw love them

Thank you! 😘 I’m not being a very good dealer, if that’s the case, but hopefully I won’t be withholding more fic for too much longer.

But I’m not really feeling you on this one, sorry anon. If Pacat has internalised misogynistic leanings, I neither know nor really care, tbh. So let’s ignore the author’s intention and just look at what’s on the page. Most of the time when anyone makes a less than flattering comment about or are dismissive of women, there’s either an obvious reason for it that isn’t just ‘women yuck’, or the misogyny is specifically designed to work with that person’s characterisation. I’ll look specifically at your examples:

Jord: Honestly, this one’s such a stretch. Men are not being misogynistic by not being interested in women. Just like I’m not anti-man just because I prefer romantic relationships with women personally (for reasons that aren’t too dissimilar to Jord’s, actually). There is literally nothing about Jord saying he prefers men because he’s more familiar and comfortable with them that should be read as any kind of an insult against women. It doesn’t mean he thinks women are bad or worthless. It just means he feels he knows exactly what to do with a dick because he has one, and that he thinks he gets how men think and act because he both is one himself and spends all day every day around other men. To be fair to Jord, he’s probably never had unsupervised contact with a woman other than his own family members because of the taboo, and there were apparently like three women present in the whole of Vere anyway. For some of the men, that lack of exposure has probably given women a sort of forbidden air that they find attractive, and that’s understandable, but I can also see why Jord might not have developed enough of an understanding of women to be intrigued by them sexually or romantically. And that’s absolutely fine.

The Regent: This fucker does not reflect the opinions you should be taking from the series when it comes to anything, including women. The Regent is the villain. And he’s an outright villain, with no ‘good’ or ‘redeeming’ qualities about him save intelligence and perceptiveness, both of which he uses for fucked up purposes anyway. Pretty much whatever this guy is into, assume it’s supposed to come off as wrong, even for his time period. The fact that he doesn’t like women is a black mark against his (lack of a) name, not something that you should take as an indictment against women.

Damen: Damen might have overlooked the perspective of women and not noticed that they too would like some power and self-determination, I’ll give you that one. But then, that’s not about women specifically. That’s about Damen’s views on everyone who has a considerably different background than him. Look at his lack of ability to see the plight of slaves, male and female alike. I said just yesterday that I think Damen’s high in sympathy but considerably lower in empathy, because he’s the kind of guy who’ll go out of his way to act kind and is averse to undeserved cruelty and wants the best for people, but that’s all coming from his skewed idea of what kind of kindness and protection people need, not theirs. He’s not someone who can easily grasp a situation or a mindset very different from his own and see things from the perspective of someone else without actually walking in that person’s shoes. So I think Damen was exactly as misogynistic as the historical setting and his own position made him and no more. Accidental/unknowing misogyny, if you like. And I’m not sure you can take any comments he makes about Jokaste in particular post-capture to be reflective of his thoughts on women as a whole. Jokaste was almost single-handedly responsible for Damen being enslaved and humiliated and deprived of the life he’d known. He has a right to hate her, and it’s understandable for him to be ticked that she made a power grab when it was at his expense. He’d have had the same reaction to Kastor if Kastor didn’t have the apparent get-out-of-jail-free-card of being family.

Laurent: Calling Jokaste a Whore Queen is literally the only time I can think of where Laurent says anything bad about women/a woman. He does it to rile up Damen, first and foremost. And he also does it to disparage Akielos and their practice of allowing mistresses when Vere supposedly thinks themselves above that. What you’ve left out is him at the same time calling Kastor the Bastard King, which is probably an even more egregious insult as far as the Veretians are concerned. I honestly think people have forgotten that gender equality isn’t about treating women as above reproach while you insult men. It’s about insulting neither or both equally.

Anyway, I don’t think the issue is that the characters (the ones who aren’t evil) don’t have a high opinion of women. It’s that we very rarely get to interact much with women of whom they should have a high opinion. Damen doesn’t get a lot of contact with Vannes, for example, so her obvious Veretian qualities (which Damen certainly does think very little of, at that point) stop there from being too much ready acknowledgement of her good points. I certainly get the impression that Damen is appreciative of Talik’s strength despite spending little time with her. There’s nothing but respect shown for Halvik as a woman. And if Halvik’s girls are reduced to acting as little more than sexual beings, that’s more down to the language barrier making it impossible for Damen to strike up an actual conversation with any of them. He shows them respect as sexual partners, at least. Damen shows reverence towards the Queens of old, and wishes he could have known his own mother. There’s no indication that he had any problems with Hypermenestra. And really, which other women do they ever encounter or even mention who aren’t either briefly-mentioned slaves (who Damen treats like he would any slave), or Jokaste and Jokaste’s ladies (who Damen’s actively pissed at)? There’s just not enough opportunity to show a stong positive female presence and the characters’ reaction to it. That’s what it comes down to, as for me.

ok so!!! i was tagged by @therebewhaleshere which is just the coolest bc THEY’RE . the coolest and i *admiral* (...admire.) them :’)

Rules: tag ten followers you want to know better! 

NAME: elliot! 

STAR SIGN: virgo sun scorp moon gemini rising :-) 

HEIGHT: 5′3 .. that asian gene, man

WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? phoebe! i really like my middle name. u wouldn’t expect someone named phoebe to kick anyone’s ass, but. well. :-) (lol jk, i think it goes well with my first name) 

PUT YOUR ITUNES  (YT PLAYLIST) ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 4 SONGS THAT POPPED UP?  “jupiter” by sleeping at last, “venus” by sleeping at last, “human qualities” by explosions in the sky and then “postcard from 1952" by explosions in the sky. what can i say... i like my indie songs with a dash of existentialism :’) 

GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST YOU AND TURN TO PAGE 23. WHAT’S LINE 17? “There are a lot of reasons why we get along. It’s because Meg likes quiet afternoons with coffee and books as much as I do. She’s also one of the only people I know, other than my parents, who understands exactly how wonderful Star Trek really is. The old Star Trek. Not the new movies. Of course I appreciate Chris Pine as much as the next person, but I also appreciate Gene Roddenberry’s vision; the man was a genius.” This is from a really cute YA novel called Meg and Linus by Hanna Nowinski! I’m actually laughing at the fact that this specific paragraph talks so much about Star Trek, seeing as, y’know, it’s a shared obsession! 

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU? yeppp. 

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? UHM. PROBABLY LIKE YESTERDAY? i do it very often, very unironically LOL 

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH? i don’t really focus that much on celebrities tbh! probably all of the QE guys, but specifically tan france? he’s like, my man crush, but my celebrity crush crush is probably Lupita N’yongo 

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE + SOUND YOU LOVE? a sound i hate is lots of yelling. can’t stand em :’) but a sound i love .. is the sweet sound of an acoustic guitar. 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? AB. SO. LUTELY. i’m OBSESSED with ghosts, otherbeings, etc. do i believe they exist? hell yeah. do i ever want to come in contact with one? maybe once, but ONCE is enough, lol 

HOW ABOUT ALIENS? yep!! there’s WAY too much we don’t know about space, it’d be too ... selfish? to think that we’re the only sentient beings on a habitable planet. 

DO YOU DRIVE? sometimes! when my parents let me :P 

IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? ....... ANYWAY. (lol almost. everyone was yelling at me and i couldn’t concentrate - it was stressful) 

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. i didn’t like it. :/ the last book i thoroughly enjoyed reading was a poetry book called the princess saves herself in this one by amanda lovelace 

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? eh, not really? 

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? The Darkest Minds. it was soooo good!!! I really really enjoyed it, esp bc the main characters were so diverse. 

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW?. ..... well. i have quite the obsession with Star Trek, to say the least! like the last time i hyperfixated this bad was for a book series called All For The Game 

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? kind of. i try not to, bc pent up anger and not communicating is so inefficient and counterproductive, but i know myself. the environment i grew up in also plays into the factor with, well, my existing anger issues, but i absolutely try my damndest not to let that control me. 

IN A RELATIONSHIP? nope! i realize that i’m not ready for the responsibility of one. and i’m really really okay with myself, lol. 

i tag @viparious , @rainbowtubastudios , @kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd , @homosexualspock , @fiafiascoes , @pess-edgeworth , @trojean , @slendermoon , @kepler-lamp-lighter and @hottopicshatterstar 

u don’t have to do this if u don’t want to or if u’ve already done it! 

The NHK Trophy Queue

Anonymous said:

Omg, just watched NHK men’s. This discipline is out of control this season. I have never seen predictions go so wrong, but the France is coming and looks like a mess already. So, your thoughts on what we shall see?

I don’t have any prediction for the rest of the GP Series for the men right now. To be honest I’m kind of tuning out from that side of the field. The ladies’ is proving to be a much fiercer competition this season. Higher quality, too… If only the judging could be upheld to the same standard that the girls are skating with, but I guess that’s too much to ask.

Anonymous said:

people are saying evgenia shouldn’t have won nhk because of her falls and i don’t know enough about skating yet so just wanted to ask what your thoughts are?

I made the same point back in CoR and I will repeat it one last time: you can’t say a skater doesn’t deserve to win just because they fell. If you want to disapprove anyone’s win you have to back it up with a comprehensive analysis of BV, GOE, and PCS, and benchmark it against the performance of the rest of the competitors. 

My very short opinion, since it’s the same old, same old: is Janny over-scored? Yes. Did she deserve to win NHK? Yes.

Anonymous said:

I just heard the news and the first thing I did was run here. Thank you for lending us your lawn *wails*

*wail together with you*

Anonymous said:

I woke up at 3:25 am today to be able to see Yuzuru… now I’m wallowing in the corner crying salty, salty tears… *sniff*

Come cry together with us on my lawn, dear.

@serikio said:

I also sold one of my kidneys for Milan so I hope to see Yuzu there or God help me I’m going with you to Toronto and we’ll find him. Anyway I’m very sad I can’t see him in the final,could have been his fifth victory. But well it’s okay this way I don’t want another CoC 2014. Get better soon Yuzu! *joins the group hug*

After I’m out of this stupor of shock I’m setting up a standby action group for the ambushing and shaving of Yuzuru Hanyu’s head should the unthinkable happen.

*pull you in for the group hug*

Anonymous said:

i can’t believe i literally cried over this when i only started liking fs this season. the thought of yuzu crying is what breaks me the most. i only want him crying if it’s with happy tears like when he won worlds. and GPF is also near his bday!! huhu rip his gpf streak :(( i also feel sad for whoever will win, for sure there will be people who will downplay their achievement cause chan hanyu and javi are not there. TT I DID NOT EXPECT MY FIRST SEASON TO BE LIKE THIS HUHU WHYYY

FS is a difficult sport to follow and loving Yuzuru Hanyu does not make it any easier by any stretch of the imagination. I’m sorry this has to happen to you in your first season, dear. But as someone who’s been lurking in this space for a bit longer, I can tell you, it’s worth it. Keep believing in Yuzu, he won’t let you down!

Anonymous said:

this is my first season and now i’m just 😢 sending everyone (and yuzu 😭) hugs and positive thoughts!

Thank you! Yuzuru will be fine, he has gone through all of this before, he knows how to deal with it. So we will be fine, too, eventually.

@whishawbendragon​ said:

I’m trying to figure out exactly what went wrong with that 4Lz. Did he not have enough speed going into it, did he not get enough height, did he go too far off axis when he was in the air? I can’t stop thinking about it, I hope that he’s resting and recovering and is back on the ice soon, my heart has been aching for since yesterday morning. 😭

I’m too much of a chicken to go and have another look at that 4Lz so I can’t tell with 100% certainty, but from what I saw of his 4Lz at CoR, I think the key issue might be the size of that jump. His 4Lz is massive, like batshit crazy massive, probably the biggest figure skating jump I ever see. That plus his insane rotational speed mean that it’s a very tough jump to control. If he doesn’t have his full focus and pay utmost attention to his body balance and in-air axis and his knee bend on the landing, awful things can happen, like they did. Also, that day during the practice he was obviously not in his best shape. I mean, just the day before that he was in bed with a fever. Doing that 4Lz in that condition was too risky of a move… 

I, just, why, Yuzu, why?

I also hope he’s resting now and allows his body the time it needs to recover.

Anonymous said:

do you think yuzu’s gonna drop the 4lz? do you think he should?

Yes I think he should drop the 4Lz, mainly because that jump is very taxing on his right foot. Moreover, as I’ve been saying from the very beginning of this season, he doesn’t need a 4Lz in his layout. He can do a 5-quad layout with just the quad toe, Salchow, and loop. Not to mention, he doesn’t even need a 5-quad FS to win events and break records.

Do I think he will drop the 4Lz? I honestly don’t know if he will choose to follow reason or pride, he’s Yuzuru Hanyu, after all. I can only hope that whatever his decision, he is mindful of all the pros and cons that comes with it, and pick a path that will not lead him to regret.

Anonymous said:

ive been looking forward to nhk all week bc. yuzu!! satton!!! caro!! but then. yuzu. satton. shit.

You are not alone, my friend. I’m very sad for Satton, too…

Anonymous said:

i had the most shitty day ever. i found out last night that yuzu was injured and spent the whole night and whole morning fretting. i woke up for school this morning and barely had time to see the last girls skate before school started and got sad about satton:( then just before lessons i raced online to look up yuzu’s status. and. you know:/ and wanted to cry. then got back 3 tests that were less than ideal. and. just. i have such a shitty day im. ugh. zhenya was the best thing tbh:((

Talking to you guys who are still in school makes me happy I’m done with all that homework and testing. I was spacing out at work too throughout the whole ordeal and I snapped at everyone who dared approaching me. I think I permanently scared a new girl away from me. Oh well… I’ll buy her a coffee next week or something.

Anonymous said:

Janny had tape on her legs and appeared to be limping a bit after her SP…I can’t have another one withdraw! I can’t! 😭

Janny is also dealing with some damage to her lateral ligaments. It is almost the exact same injury Yuzu has. I, just, what’s going on? Why is life being shitty to my babies?

On that note, I can proudly declare myself 100% a fan of the Evgenia Medvedeva now. The way she powered herself through that grilling FS was utterly incredible.

*cries*

Anonymous said:

I just had a thought… Yuzuru withdrew from the competition proper, but we know that he WAS able to do a jump-less skate after he fell. What are the chances of him skating in the exhibition gala? We don’t actually know the specific severity of the injury, do we? Lateral ligament sprains can range from mild tearing to complete rupturing (which, from evidence, I don’t THINK is the case). Maaan, I’m trying to study for an exam but I can’t stop thinking about Yuzu. This GP season is so fucked. :’(

No, usually a skater wouldn’t join the gala if they withdraw from the competition. And Yuzuru really needs all the rest he can have now to recover. 

We won’t see any performance from him again until maybe Japan Nationals in December, and keep in mind that it’s still a maybe at this stage. Let’s give him the time and space he needs and let’s keep hoping for a speedy and full recovery.

Anonymous said:

Will Yuzuru not get a replacement assignment????

No, them’s the rules. That and even if he does get a ticket to any GP, he won’t be able to make it anyway in his current state.

Anonymous said:

What happend to Yuzu?? Can someone please explain this to me????

This is a summary of what happened, and this is the last update we’ve got. I’d highly recommending following @wherespacepooh to get all the latest news.

Chris makes me want a puti bf all over again LOL. Also, seeing Tita date someone 7 years younger and it’s not weird is kinda...refreshing? Plus nobody would be able to tell bc he’s WAY more mature than her lol and what’s nice is he doesn’t care and loves taking care of her (us all, really) and stepping up. Tbh that’s what matters to me and why I think it’s not hard for me to fall for certain younger dudes who are the same with me haha. But what IS a bit weird to me about Tita and Chris is that he and I are closer in age, and whenever we hang out, we connect and understand each other more and Tita is usually lost. And he’s always like, “I like Alda, she’s cool. We need to hang out with her more.” “She gets me!” And we be relating, agreeing and literally saying the same things simultaneously and Tita’s usually lost. I feel bad, but she always says she loves it because I can explain things to her when he leaves hahaha and she stays talking about how she loves listening to us talk to each other. And recently Tita said, “Alda’s like your best friend” and he started joking about it too, but I know I gave off weird vibes by not laughing as hard as usual HAHA, so then he’s like, “But nah, I already have a best girl friend... they’re gonna have to go up against each other.” Haha cute. He’s best friends with his best friend’s girl and they all have a cute relationship. And I actually always learn a lot from him when we hang out. Idk man, I just love hearing Americanized and articulate people speak. That’s how I feel about articulate brothers and sisters from English too. Yesterday I learned about cars and insurance, being that he’s a claims adjuster. And before that he was a general manager for a hotel so he knows how and is great at talking to people. He’s “known to be a professional BSer” and we all can tell hahaha. He can pull anything out his butt and converse with anyone and is a very likeable person. And he tells us what to say in certain situations and stuff. He constantly sees me nodding and making my “makes sense/I just learned something new” face, so he goes, “Remember that, Alda.” “If you ever (get in this situation), you say (this). Don’t ever (say/do this).” “Ask them, ‘Can you explain to me why..?’ Always make them explain, then hear them out, bc 90% of the time it’s a lame excuse and you can make them feel dumb and surprise them with your knowledge so you can ask for and get what you want. But there will be times they have a good explanation, then you can just be like, ‘Okay, cool, sounds good, tysm!’” “Throw in that my friend is a (whatever job title) so he said this and this, just to sprinkle that on there so they know they can’t fool you. Like you can say your friend is an adjuster so he said this. And then you call me and tell me everything they said and I can confirm.” From cars, to insurance, to secret Whole Foods tips 🙏 And he LOVES to cook and owns all these gadgets and admits he has a spending problem when it comes to quality food, expensive things, and gadgets, but ends up using them once/twice. He’s all, “I bought a Kitchen Aid.. thinking that I would start baking.. I’ve used it once.. to make mashed potatoes.” And I’m just “😳 OMG 😂” and he’s like, “You’re laughing bc you know how much they cost 😂” “Exactly! I own one and use it often to get my money’s worth.” He mentioned how he’s about to buy a sous vide machine and I didn’t understand initially bc my freakin family started talking over him, “Wha? Subi?” “Huh? Musubi?” 🤦🏻‍♀️ HAHAHA (one of the reasons I tell myself I don’t/can’t be with a puti or just date anybody bc it’s gonna take a lot to deal with them 😂) and he said something about sucking air out so I was like, “OHH. SOUS VIDE” “YES! You know what that is?” “Yeah! I’ve always wanted to try it!” “Okay, after I use it and get tired of it...which probably won’t take too long...I’ll bring it over here for you” YAY! And he’s like, “You need to come over some time, you’re gonna LOVE our kitchen” AHH CAN I FORREAL? HAHA. Lowkey want puti again. Reminded me if Tyler though! After what, 4-5 years?

Green-eyed puti who is Americanized, yet also more Filipino and speaks better Tagalog than me, has tons of experiences in the Philippines, and is makulit and malambing.

*sharing experiences from Philippines*

T: Tapos nagigising ako araw araw sa mga titilaok hehehe

*He and mom laugh*

Mom: Hahaha wow! Alam mo yung titilaok ah!

T: Siempre naman po!

Me: What’s titilaok..? 😅

Him: Oh, the Filipino version of *folds and flaps arms* COCKLEDOODLEDOOO

😂😩 CUTIE. He was literally the type of dude/puti I pray for personality wise. CAN I HAS ONE? Haha jkjk. But it’d be really nice.

welp i got tagged by apollo slimeman @sunshinegoths and I Love Oversharing (even tho i dont even have an abt page lmao)

nicknames: i dont rly have any..... apollo calls me srinivasan bc i like to go by my last name bc Names Suck. my family calls me like silvertunes or silverbells

gender: nah

star sign: virgo not that anyone couldnt tell

height: like 5′7

time: 10:55 according to my laptop but thats wrong its actually 10:48. around when im finishing this its like 11:07

birthday: september 20 i just turned 17

favorite bands: idk like. pvris and fob probably i have rly garbage music taste

favorite solo artists: hozier... i cant remember any more. also porter robinson.

song stuck in my head: i dont have a song stuck in my head rn but. not to sound like A Kpop. all of yesterday i had pretty boy stuck in my head bc of apollo but i dont actually know the song so i just had the “PRETTY BOY” part running thru my head for like. hours. screw u apollo

last movie i watched: i started carol? but i was high and didnt have the attention span for it. last full movie was probably... it (2017)? maybe

last show i watched: master chef. or unhhhh depending on whether one counts Internet Shows.

when did i create my blog: i created it like 2013 or some shit but i didnt use it until like late 2015 maybe 2016

what do i post about: garbage?? idk man lesbian stuff/aesthetic/foxhole court/literally whatever i want this Is My Kingdom

last thing i googled: ...air quality + the ca fires tbh but also ronald reagan bc i wanted to see when he died and if it was painful

do i have any other blogs: nah i barely know how this website works tbh. i think at one point i was gonna make an aes sideblog but then i just stopped caring abt what goes on my main

do i get asks: nah. yall can feel free to but i just. dont very often

why i chose my url: its a quote from jean cocteau’s la belle et la bête (1946). its part of the commands one (belle, in the scene) uses to control la bêtes magic horse. his name is la magnifique.

following: 36

followers: 45

average hours of sleep: honestly like 8-11 and yet im still completely exhausted and low energy all the time so thats cool

favorite number: dont rly have one. maybe 9. its divisible and shit also i think my brother hated that number when he was younger so like. thats a bonus

instruments: used to play cello and that was awesome but i quit idr why. i also sing but i have kind of a shit range so i cant really do anything

what am i wearing: black jeans black tank top and a sweatshirt i stole from my moms boyfriend steve

dream job: i dont really know but tbh i was born white + upper middle class in america to educated parents so i mostly just want to use all that lottery of birth shit to help people. gonna do poli sci in college and hopefully will go to law school

dream trip: ive been vaguely planning (who knows if it will happen) a europe trip for a while. i rly want to start in eastern europe and do kind of a wwii based tour type thing but like. thats expensive as hell and my mom wont let me travel alone. not to be That Guy but my mom and her friend own a house in france + it looks like we might go next summer so that would be cool. also then i could drag apollo and we could Travel Europe like its the damn 1920s and we’re displaced ex pat writers and debutantes struggling to reconcile the atrocity of war with the infinite opportunity of youth

favorite food: ??? no idea it changes all the damn time. i lw really love low quality instant mac and cheese tho. like kraft or some shit

nationality: american. im p much the whitest person on earth too

favorite song right now: idk. i keep listening to we all float down here by four year strong and bodybag by hit the lights but i dont actually like/listen to those bands. also arsonists lullaby by hozier + shelter and years of war by porter robinson. oh i forgot him earlier im gonna add him to the solo artists question. also also whats it gonna be by shura

fuck me this got long. i dont really have anyone to tag but like. if we’re mutuals and u want to Overshare as well feel free to say i tagged u.