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mlove44lh · 7 months

Text

Don't hurt yourself

Chapter 8 - Redemption

Masterlist

Previously chapter

Warnings: angst, swearing, mention of loss

Words: 9,247

there are probably some mistakes in the translation. I'm a bit rusty. Soryy

“I had my ups and downs, but I always find the inner strength to pull myself up. I was served lemons, but I made lemonade. My grandma said "Nothing real can be threatened." True love brought salvation back into me. With every tear came redemption and my torturers became my remedy. So we're gonna heal. Me and you.”

Day 0

“I've dreamt about this for so long that I cannot even recall when this idea first took root within me.

I've memorized and held in my mind every tiny detail of this day. I've spent hours envisioning how it would unfold, researching without even having someone in mind to share this dream with.

And yet, even with all the planning and rehearsing every step in my mind for this perfect day, I never anticipated it would be as perfect as this.

The sky is clear and without clouds. And even though the wind is present, it's almost imperceptible on my skin, even with my arms uncovered.

Just for this weather in the middle of November, I could already consider this day a miracle, as evidence of a love that will be eternal and is already perfect.

The veil gently sways around me. I catch a glimpse of my guests through the sheer fabric that surrounds me. I know I have all my family and friends present, and I'm overjoyed that everyone is finally gathered. But I couldn't look at anyone else now except my future husband, who awaits me at the altar with a smile that assures me everything will be okay in our new life together.

And I believe him with a confidence I didn't know existed within me.

His dark eyes shine like never before, a privilege I've never witnessed. I know I grip my father's arm with a certain strength, but I need to feel the tension in my fingertips at least to prove to myself that I am still alive, and this is not a dream.

What reassures me is knowing that, even though I am a dreamer, I could never fantasize about such perfection.

It's as if my entire life has led up to this moment.”

Day 2,520

I waited for something. Something big, like in the movies. Something that would make me change, that would make everything fall into place perfectly so we could leave it all behind.

Even after all that, I waited. After the disrespect, after hearing from the mouth of the most despicable person I've ever known all the horrible things he was capable of doing, after being called scandalous for a behavior I know was unforgivable. Even after all of that, I waited for something.

But that something never came.

Real life is cruel, and these kinds of things don't happen. Sometimes what seems real is indeed real; sometimes the one pulling the trigger is the same person who vowed to protect you. And this kind of betrayal is the worst of all.

I was forced to stop believing in my personal fairy tale when the prince charming drove a knife into my chest.

I was yanked out of my perfect life, and the jolt was so strong that I don't know how I survived.

I look at my ring finger and even though the wedding ring is no longer here, the mark will probably last for a long time, as a visual reminder of all this.

The room is cold, and I feel his gaze on me, which makes the feeling of suffocation even bigger. My gaze remains low; this is the last place I want to be.

The door opens and the silence is cut by the mediator who introduces himself and then sits down between the four of us.

My heart races as I realize what is about to happen.

"We can begin the hearing."

Day 365

"I didn't think it could get any better after we got married, but I've never been so happy to be wrong.

The year has flown by, and all our time together has been precious. Even though Lewis isn't always present, when we're together, it feels like all the challenges of jet-lags and sleepless nights become insignificant.

One of his hands blocks my vision while the other guides me gently by the waist. I feel Lewis laughing behind me, while I become more restless than ever.

The hustle and bustle of London is miles behind us. Lewis drove, which is unusual since I'm usually the one behind the wheel.

I have no idea what I'll find here, so I eagerly await the revelation I've been waiting for hours.

"You know I hate surprises."

"I know. But you're going to like this one." He stops walking but keeps his hand over my eyes.

"It's our first wedding anniversary. It had to be something big."

"Something big?! Lewis, I got you a watch."

"And I loved my new Rolex. And this gift isn't exactly just for you; it's for both of us.”

Lewis removes his hand from my eyes; it takes me a few seconds to adjust to the brightness. The sunlight illuminates a large field surrounded by greenery. The weather is chilly, but the sunlight makes everything seem warm and cozy.

In the midst of two tall trees stands a house with a white-painted facade. Windows adorn the front of the house, along with some flowers planted around the residence.

It's a beautiful, delicate home, large enough for a family to live in, yet not so grand as to be intimidating. It's the perfect refuge for a lifetime, surrounded by the people you love.

I spend a few seconds observing the facade. Lewis steps away from my side and comes in front of me. His smile is huge, and I can tell by his expression that he's waiting for me to say something. But I wouldn't know what to say when I don't even know what I'm looking at now.

"What do you think?" His expectation implicit in his words.

"Lewis...” It can't be this, he can't have just bought a new house for us. “What is this?"

"Wait. I want you to see inside."

His hand fits into mine, and Lewis practically drags me inside. My excitement is so overwhelming that I can hardly think straight now. This is so much more than I expected.

The living room is spacious, and the wooden beams make everything cozier. The furniture is already arranged, and it's as if they've taken every detail from one of my dreams.

"There's a pool outside." He opens the large glass door, revealing more outdoor space. “We can put a big table here for when we have guests.”

His words come out quickly, like an excited child with something new, his eyes shining like two stars as Lewis divides his gaze from me to the entire house. He doesn't take long to return with his hand in mine, leading me to the second floor of the residence.

The master bedroom adopts a lighter tone than the rest of the house, covered in wood. The white paint on the walls makes the room even more spacious. Everything looks clean and new.

"You really did this?" My voice comes out almost in a whisper, and I then feel the urge to cry that hits me. “Lewis, it's perfect.”

"It's ours," he says. His voice is lower compared to minutes ago; the excitement seems to have eased. "I planned over the last year."

"This is... I'm speechless. It's perfect. But how would we do this? I mean, with our work and everything else."

It would be madness to move to the countryside from London at a time like this, even though it feels like a dream.

"I may have anticipated things a little. But we can come in a few years. This could be the house where we'll grow old together and raise our kids. It's the perfect place. We just have to wait a bit, and in the meantime, we can come whenever we want some time alone. 45 minutes from London and no neighbors for a few blocks sounds good, right?"

I can only smile. The idea of having a family by your side and growing old together is still something that can truly move me.

"Yes. It sounds perfect."

He smiles.

"Come on, I want to show you one last thing."

I can barely take in the details of the room before being pulled again.

Lewis opens the door to the room next to ours; unlike the others, this room has no furniture. A large window is situated in the middle of one of the walls, illuminating every corner of the room. I stand still at the door while Lewis finally calms down behind me.

"There are two more rooms like this, still empty." I feel the excitement within me as soon as I realize where Lewis is going. "We'll set them up together, at the right time. For our children. Let's fill this house with happiness, Y/n."

I turn to him, and I feel some tears escaping from my eyes. I couldn't be happier about this surprise.

I press our lips into a kiss that takes a while to break, just so I can speak before returning to him.

"This is all I want.”

"There are no children in common between the couple, and the divorce seems to be agreed upon by both parts. If there is no impasse with the last proposed agreement, I believe there is no need to extend this hearing."

‘Divorce. Agreement. Both parts.’ It looks as bad as it sounds. How could there be agreement on something as painful and profound as this? That's not what happens, I'm not here because I want to, I'm here because I need to be here, I'm here because I owe it to myself and the part that died inside me. I owe this as justice to the girl who believed so much in fairy tales. So no, there is no agreement whatsoever with this situation.

I glance at my lawyer and gesture to speak with him, but it doesn't become necessary. His throat clearing draws the attention of the few people in the room.

The proposed divorce agreement in the document I left with Lewis that morning was denied, as were the other two made by my lawyer. It seems there was some kind of impasse between what Lewis desired and what his representatives sought.

So, I waited for the counterproposal, and when it came, I tried to come to terms with it. There was much more for me than I asked for in the previous agreements, and much less than what I could receive if I had the slightest interest in a legal battle. The perfect agreement between a remorseful man who thinks money buys karma and the lawyers protecting his empire.

But overall, it wasn't that bad, except for one detail.

"There is a disagreement from my client regarding the agreement proposed by Mr. Hamilton."

They look at us with curiosity. Lewis raises his gaze full of doubt, which meets mine.

"And what would that be?" The mediator settles into his chair, leaning towards us.

I could vomit if I had ingested anything. I wish I could just accept anything proposed and leave right away. But I don't want to leave with anything other than what already belongs to me, and I certainly have no interest in something that would keep me tied to Lewis in any way.

I know this is another thing I shouldn't do. Especially if the hypothesis in my mind proves to be true. But I don't care anymore; I have every right to use the shell of a bad person at least once.

I have the right to escape from him.

"My client is no longer interested in the shares related to Mr. Hamilton's companies. As well as the residence in London. We would like to present a counterproposal, where the shares would be transferred back, and the house would be entirely in his name, if there is agreement, of course."

I watch my lawyer pass new papers to the mediator, who carefully examines each one.

I want to disappear from his life in every way possible; I won't heal if I don't distance myself from him. Continuing with the shares in my name would put me in moments like this. Trapped at a meeting table with him by my side. And the house would only remind me of everything that never was. I don't even want to drive past it, even though it's a new residence; it's infested with ghosts for me.

"What?!" Lewis diverts everyone's attention, even from the mediator, who is still examining the papers in front of him. "What are you talking about? These shares are rightfully yours, Y/n. We earned this together." Hearing his voice in person after so many weeks makes me want to cry.

"Mr. Hamilton, please. Only your lawyer has the right to speak at this moment, okay?" The mediator's voice becomes slightly louder to draw Lewis's attention.

There's a lot of disbelief in his gaze, while mine overflows with sorrow.

If only it were just businesses and numbers, the only things we conquered together, all of this would be infinitely easier.

"Don't do this. The shares are yours too, you know that."

Lewis completely ignores the mediator and continues speaking directly to me. His gaze reveals pleading, as if he's seeking redemption and the only way to achieve it is to ensure I end up with millions in shares.

It's tempting. But we're talking about a woman with a wounded ego and immense pride. So, thanks, but no.

"Mr. Hamilton, please."

The mediator seems a bit nervous. Meanwhile, his lawyer becomes restless and leans in to speak with Lewis.

"If she's giving up willingly, you should consider it. We're not talking about something small, Lewis." His lawyer's voice is low, but within this tiny room and with everyone else silent, it would be impossible not to hear his words.

Lewis still looks at me, and I still look at him. I haven't opened my mouth to respond to him, and I don't intend to. All I want is to leave this place soon with what I want, or rather, what I don't want.

"I don't care about that." Lewis responds to his lawyer, but still looking at me. I could even say there's a hint of anger in his expression, if only I still knew this person in front of me.

Day 1,397

“Waking up to the smell of coffee at home is one of my favorite things because I know when it happens, he's home. And it couldn't be any different; he promised me he would be.

My arms wrap around him as soon as I find him in the kitchen. His bare torso is warm and makes me feel at home like nothing else ever came close to achieving.

His hands hand me a cup of coffee, and our lips come together in a kiss full of the longing that seems never to go away, no matter how close we are.

"How is it possible for someone who hates coffee to make the best coffee I've ever had in my life?!"

Lewis laughs before placing his hands on my waist.

"You say that because you're in love with me and like everything I do. Literally, everyone who's had my coffee didn't like it."

"That's because they don't know how to appreciate the strongest coffee that has ever entered their system." Laughter echoes through the apartment. "But seriously, honey, as much as I love it, you have to go easy on the amount of grounds. I could stay awake for days if I had more than one cup in the morning."

His hands tighten around my waist enough to make me sigh. I place my mug with the hot liquid on the counter and soon bring my hands back to his bare back.

I see the smile fading from his face, replaced by a serious expression.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking."

"Want to share that?"

"I'm not sure you'll like the idea very much." A shy smile returns to his lips and my curiosity rises. "I know that wasn't the plan. But I can't stop thinking about it."

His eyes are no longer in contact with mine.

"Come on. Tell me."

"Well." He seems anxious, perhaps genuinely concerned about my reaction. "I think, maybe. If you want. We could start trying to expand the family."

My smile drops.

Not because I don't want this, but because I want it so bad that just the idea of Lewis also wanting it even before what was planned between us makes my stomach churn with happiness. I don't know if it's because of Lewis's strong coffee or my excitement, but suddenly I become aware of my accelerated heartbeat.

"I mean. If you still want to wait, we can. I know you have your work, and..."

"No!" I interrupt his train of thought. "I just wasn't expecting that right now." I have to think about the words before I can say them. "Lewis. Are you serious?"

I pull his face back to mine and force him to look at me. We are so close to each other that Lewis must be able to feel my own heartbeat against his chest.

"I've been thinking about this for a while. I know we agreed to wait until after Formula 1, to move to London and start our family. But I don't think I'm going to retire anytime soon, and I want a family with you now. And I know it will be crazy to have a child in the middle of all the travels and chaos of our life, but..." His smile grows even wider. "It will be our child, right?! If there's someone who could handle all of this, it's him. Or her."

My excitement is so overwhelming that I can hardly think of anything to say.

I know my eyes overflow with happiness and emotion, and I see Lewis's eyes mirroring the same.

I pull him closer to me, pressing against him with no desire to let him go anywhere.

"You know how much I want this." I pull him into a kiss that ends up being a bit messy due to our excitement.

"Is that a yes?" Lewis separates us for a moment to speak.

"Of course!"

"We'll take a break so that Mr. Hamilton's lawyer can review the counterproposal and to calm things down a bit.”

I watch both of them stand up. Lewis leaves the room almost running, while his lawyer follows him with the new papers in hand. I feel numb, I need to tap my feet on the floor a few times to make sure I won't fall when I stand up.

“Y/n. Are you sure about the counterproposal?” Adam, my lawyer, turns his chair towards me. His voice is low even though there's no need for it. Since there's no one else in the room. “I know you have your reasons, but we're talking about over fifty million. That could become much more over the years. Giving it away like this to him could be a mistake. You could at least sell them.”

"No. I don't want anything more from him, Adam." His expression reveals what he doesn't say, which makes me feel the need to justify myself. "I'm not saying this just because I'm hurt, I'm saying this because I really want out of this, I don't want to deal with anything related to Lewis anymore. And I know it may sound crazy, but every penny coming from those shares would only make me feel even worse. So yes, I am positive about my decision."

"Alright. I understand." His compassionate look kills me. I turn away from his expression to avoid dealing with that pity stamped on his face. "I think they'll agree, there wouldn't be a reason to delay this any further."

"I hope so." I don't wait for a response, leaving Adam in his place and stepping out of the room in search of fresh air.

Day 1,716

"I promised I wouldn't disappoint myself this time. I thought it would be easier not to see what I wanted for the seventh consecutive time. But no. Every month, it just hurts more.

I stare at the small plastic object in my hand as I feel a lump in my throat.

A damn red line.

One. Just one.

I feel Lewis's arm around me and his face resting on my shoulder.

We started trying a few months ago. We knew that if we waited for the perfect moment, it would never come. We travel all the time, and Formula 1 takes up a good part of Lewis's life. Besides, it's a dangerous sport.

But the desire for our children proved to be so big that any potential problem seems microscopic in comparison. We have a serious relationship and stability, as well as plenty of willingness and love, what could be missing?!

So, I stopped taking the pills and waited for it to happen. But it didn't. Not in the first month, not in the second, it started to bother me in the third. But I didn't imagine it would reach the seventh unsuccessful attempt.

I try to contain myself and pretend to myself that everything is fine. We're young, we have plenty of time to make this happen. But the frustration is written all over my face.

"We can keep trying,” his voice comes out muffled because his face is resting on me. “It's the best part anyway,” he jokes.

A soft laugh escapes my lips.

“Yeah. Maybe next time, huh?”

I take the test out of my field of vision and look at Lewis. He adjusts his posture and nods while looking at me attentively.

Maybe he's waiting for some kind of outpouring, or even restrained tears. But there isn't any. Not because I'm not feeling sad, but because it wouldn't make sense right now. Especially when he's just minutes away from leaving home for another one of his countless work weekends. A tearful wife wouldn't be the best thing to leave on his mind before all the concentration needed for a Grand Prix.

“We could consult with a specialist if you want.”

He stands up and goes to his suitcase.

“No. I don't think it's necessary now.” My face betrays my words. The question of why a pregnancy hasn't happened yet has been weighing on my mind for months. “We can wait for some more time.”

He sighs.

“Alright.” His hands rest on the handle of his suitcase. “I have to go. Will you be okay?”

“If I say no, will you stay here with me?” Compassion fills his eyes, making me immediately regret what I just said. I truly wish he would give up work sometimes, but I would never ask him for that. Not wanting to be inconvenient, and already knowing the answer. “I'm kidding. Go, go save the world, number forty-four.”

“You're my world.” Lewis walks over to me and plants a kiss on my forehead. That makes me smile. “See you on Monday.”

I go down the dozens of stairs arranged in front of the court. I sit down on one of the steps before reaching the end of them.

The streets are bustling. It couldn't be different on a Tuesday morning. I try to focus on the lives of people swiftly passing by, hoping to distract myself from the lump in my throat.

There are so many things on my mind that I can't even concentrate on one of them. It's like a buzzing is taking over me, leaving no room for anything else. Neither my expectations for a new life, nor the object kept in my bag, nor the hypothesis that should be consuming me, nor my marriage dissipating while I watch it all, nor my exhaustion. None of this is enough to make me feel anything.

I notice his presence beside me through my peripheral vision. He sits down, leaving almost no space between us but without touching me. I don't move to look at him or to move away from his figure. I remain focused on the people walking in front of us, wishing at this moment to have the life of the lady strolling peacefully with her dog through the streets of Monaco.

"How did we get to this?"

Of all the things I expected to hear from Lewis after weeks of not talking, this would be the last of my assumptions.

I don't think much before responding to him.

“I don't know.” I feel his gaze on me, but I still don't turn to him. “I don't think it happened at a specific moment. If only we could attribute it to one exact thing, it would make things easier.”

I can hear his breath next to me; he seems shaken, restless in his place.

“Y/n, if I could go back and undo what I did...”

“It wouldn't change a thing.” I interrupt his speech. I couldn't bear to hear Lewis's lamentations, especially at a moment like this, where I'm so detached from my own self that I'm not even aware of my emotions. “Our marriage ended before you cheated me. It ended long before that, long before losing our child. It happened, I don't think it's a good idea to keep tormenting ourselves thinking about what could have been. Because it wasn't. Simple as that. We're here today.”

He stares at me; I know he's looking into my eyes, and from the position of his body leaning towards me, I can deduce that he longs for my reciprocity. But I don't want to, and I can't look at him right now. As much as all my instincts honed over these years are begging me to go towards him.

“What if we kept trying?" He doesn't even believe in his own words. The sentence comes out like a final sigh.

“We tried for a long time. But we gave up at some point. We kept giving up on small things until they turned into huge things.”

This is the end. I know that. I've had it in my mind for a long time, and I'm sure of this decision. But it should hurt less. I should at least have the ability to breathe or to face my — still — husband.

I don't feel my words coming. I just feel the need to say them, maybe because I need a conclusion. Or because I got used to sharing everything with him, and that's still something that needs to go away.

“I don't feel happy to be here today. Maybe I should have fought more, and you too. But despite that, I know this is the right decision. And even if you don't admit it, I know you agree with me. There's no point in thinking about what could have been done when, in the end, we're here today. And nothing will change that.”

Finally, I gather the courage to look at him. He looks like a complete stranger, a totally different person than he used to be.

His gaze, which was always the thing I loved most about him, now doesn't have the same effect on me. Everything about Lewis seems off. And even though I'm close to him, I don't feel him here.

The person by my side has become a stranger. I'm overwhelmed by grief for someone who is alive and in front of me but is nowhere near who they used to be.

I stare at him for a few seconds before speaking again.

“That's the only regret I have. This habit of deceiving ourselves, the complacency we let take over our marriage. Because if we had realized earlier, if we hadn't let it get to this point where we both ended up hurt, then I would remember all these years with immense happiness. But that's not what happens. I can't even look at you because it hurts so much.” I watch tears invade his eyes right in front of mine. I feel anger and regret at the same level. “And that's the part that kills me. Knowing that the best years of my life will be the most painful to remember.” Only when I stop to breathe do I realize that I'm also crying. I let the tears flow freely down my face as I continue my train of thought. “I don't know if this feeling will change. If with time, it will get better, all I know is what I'm feeling today and what I'm living today. And I've decided that from now on, this is what I'm going to focus on. The present.”

He doesn't say anything for some time.

We stare at each other without any intention whatsoever. There's nothing to be said that would make any difference.

“I'm sorry.” I barely recognize his voice, just like the rest of his being.

“I know. Me too.”

Day 2,125

“The notification sound on my phone breaks my focus from the TV program. I grab the device resting on the couch cushion and check the notification. As soon as I read the message, my boredom is replaced by another wave of hope, as it has been happening every month for over a year.

The notification arrived, and Lewis is home today, things that almost never happen at the same time. Maybe this is a sign that this month will finally be the one that works.

Everything is seen as a sign for a desperate woman.

I jump off the couch and head towards our bedroom.

Lewis is lying down, his attention fixed on the large TV, airing the same program I was watching in the living room. The realization leaves me confused, and even a little sad. Why would he prefer to stay away from me than do exactly the same thing he's doing here, next to me?!

I swallow my wounded ego and ignore the unpleasant feeling that this understanding left me. After all, what we need to do is much bigger than my tantrum.

I climb onto the bed and approach him. Lewis doesn't bother to move.

I straddle his lap without any difficulty. My kisses start on his lips and are instinctively reciprocated by him, but his hands remain inert. I grind on his lap in an attempt to stir something. Nothing.

I move my kisses towards his abdomen, and it's only at that moment that Lewis takes some action. Not the one I wanted, of course.

“Y/n. Love. Not today, okay?*

His hands come to me, not to enjoy more of my touch, but to stop me from continuing. This irritates me, but it doesn't prevent me from continuing. I return to his neck and distribute kisses on his skin, with no intention of giving up what I need.

“Come on. It'll be quick.”

I lower my hands to the elastic of his sweatpants while still showering him with kisses, but my movements are interrupted by him.

“Y/n, stop! I said no.” His voice is loud, which makes me stop immediately.

He moves away from me abruptly. Lewis gets up without any care for how he leaves me on the bed.

I feel embarrassed like never before, anger comes in the same dimension.

”Lewis, what the fuck?!”

“I'm tired of this shit. What do you think? That I'm a damn robot you can press a button and get whatever you want? That's ridiculous.”

“I thought you wanted this too.”

Lewis's breathing is audible; he's restless as he stares at me.

"And I want to, but not like this. When was the last time we had sex because we were horny, not because we're obligated to fuck every time your phone notifies you about your fertile period, Y/n?"

"I don't know, Lewis. I'm trying to get what both of us want here."

"Yes, you're trying that by becoming the coldest person on earth. What's the next step? Do you want me to come in a jar and hand it over to you?"

"That's actually a good idea. It would make things a lot easier."

Sarcasm slips out of me effortlessly. I feel anger rising in my body. And anxiety too.

"For God's sake!" He enters the bathroom but leaves the door open. I hear the running water from the tap for a few seconds before he speaks again.

"What the hell do you want, Lewis?!" My voice erupts in a scream.

He comes back quickly to stand in front of me.

“My wife!" He yells too. "That's what I want, Y/n. Can you bring her back?! Or has this obsession taken her away too?"

My frustration is so intense that I feel my throat burning with tears that want to fall. We've never shouted at each other, never fought like we are now. Everything feels like a horrible and senseless chaos.

"I had a terrible weekend. And you didn't even bother to ask how things are. I asked you to come with me to the Grand Prix, and you chose to stay here, probably to consult with another doctor to tell you exactly what all the others have said, if there's any other doctor left in Monaco that you haven't consulted. You're so blinded by this idea that you forgot to keep living your life."

A humorless laugh escapes my lips.

"Oh, poor little thing. You had a terrible weekend? I had a terrible year, Lewis! And I'm not crying because no one came to console me or anything like that. I'm trying to do what I should, what both of us want. You don't have the right to judge me for that." I get out of bed and walk towards the door. Frustrated and overwhelmed by guilt. Today could have been the day, but it wasn't. It wasn't because he didn't want it. "Grow up, Lewis. And if you want someone to pat you on the head, go find someone else, because it won't be me."

It's the last thing I say before slamming the door behind me.”

“I think we should go back inside.”

His voice breaks the silence between us, which has lingered for some time. We stopped talking minutes ago, but we didn't feel the need to move away from each other.

I think we both know that this is the last time we stay together like this. There's no guilt in wanting to prolong this moment, as sad as it may be.

I nod as I look back at him.

I know this was the opportunity to finally tell him what I believe is happening, but I simply can't. It was too hard to get to this point, and sharing my suspicions would only hurt him and further delay the inevitable. I don't need to subject him to that, because if I'm truly right, I know this issue won't be something that lingers for long. And if I can spare him from this additional pain, that's what I'll do.

"I'll sign the papers. If that's really what you want."

"No. That's definitely not what I want, Lewis." I stand up alongside him. "But it's what we have to do if there's still any respect left for what we both lived together."

We enter the grand courtroom together, taking small steps. We walk side by side without any hurry towards the cold room that awaits us, not saying a word. No need for more lamentations. Certain of what will happen, uncertain about the future we hadn't imagined without each other.

I return to my seat, my heart racing as everyone settles in.

"My client agrees to the counterproposal," his lawyer breaks the silence.

"That's good. Now that both parties agree, you may finally sign the documents, please," the mediator seems almost relieved.

The knot in my throat chokes me. I want to escape from here, I want to cry like a baby right now. This hurts like hell. I didn't think I would have a breakdown at this moment, not when everything is so close to ending.

I try to hold myself together, to keep my breathing in check and not show how close I am to bursting into tears and screams. I think I do well in that, as the only person who notices my instability is the only person in the room who is in the same situation as I am.

His red eyes betray a nearly palpable pain.

It shouldn't be like this, it shouldn't be ending this way.

We promised we would die together, old and gray, in our house with the white façade surrounded by flowers in London.

It wasn't supposed to end in a cold room at the first instance court in Monaco. This is so damn unfair.

Lewis takes the white papers that were handed to him by his lawyer. His hands shake, but only I notice. He doesn't avert his gaze from mine, not for a second, not even as he picks up the black pen placed in front of him. He wants to be sure. He wants one last confirmation from me.

Day 0

"Our hands fit perfectly. I instantly feel calmer with his touch. I step away from my father as I approach my fiancé.

“You look perfect.” He whispers in my ear as he gets close. The emotion in his voice is clear. Lewis plants a kiss on my cheek before turning to my father.

They shake hands. My father pulls Lewis into a half-hug, I know something is said in the midst of it by the older man, but I don't hear what. Just the possibilities that pass through my mind are enough to make me laugh.

Lewis doesn't take long to turn back to me; now his attention is entirely mine.

"Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, we are gathered here on this special day to celebrate the love and union of two souls who have decided to embark on this journey of life together.”

The celebrant begins to speak. My heart races, and the smile on my face feels like it will stay there forever.

Lewis looks more handsome than ever. His happiness manages to make him even more beautiful, as if that were possible. I want to look around, see if the flowers arranged are the ones we chose, or if everyone we invited is present. But I couldn't, I couldn't look anywhere when I have the best thing in my life right in front of me. Moving his mouth and telling me "I love you" without making a sound. Just for me to know, just to make it clear.

“Marriage is a unique moment, as it is the union of two individuals who choose to share their dreams, joys, and challenges side by side. Today, Lewis and Y/n, you are taking an important step in your lives, a step that represents the promise to love and care for each other, regardless of the circumstances. The journey of love is marked by highs and lows, but it is the partnership and complicity that will help you overcome all obstacles together. Love is the force that binds your hearts, making you stronger, braver, and more willing to face any adversity. Now, I ask for everyone's attention for the vows of the newlyweds.”

Anxiety consumes me even more, but I am excited to finally be able to say the words I have been holding inside me.

I turn to Alessia, who stands behind me. She hands me the small piece of paper I entrusted to her earlier.

I try to breathe a few times before starting to pronounce the words written by me on the lined paper.

“I think it's not news to anyone here how much of a dreamer I am. Everyone who knows me has heard about my fantasies at some point.” My laughter is accompanied by that of my guests. “Many of them I judged and was aware of being impossible. After all, I know that nothing can be perfect.” I take my eyes off the paper and lock eyes with Lewis for a few seconds. “I never thought I would be so happy to be wrong.”

I try to hold back the tears as I speak, but I know my emotion is implicit and one step away from taking over me.

“You showed me that my unrealistic dreams are not only possible but even better than in my imagination. Love transcends what I thought was impossible. Your love showed me that even the bad parts are worth it if I have you by my side.” Lewis smiles in a way different from the usual, tears fill his eyes too. Which only makes me even more fulfilled. “I never imagined that I would marry that guy I met by mere chance on a night out with my friends. Not because I didn't like you right away; because I think it's clear how I was already won over by you before even knowing your name.” His laughter echoes within me. “But because I imagined that when I found the love of my life, the feeling would be different. I would be afraid, anxious, uncertain at times. After all, that's what my mind and all love stories make us believe. That it has to be complicated to be real. But that's not what happened, everything between you and me was natural, it felt right from the beginning.”

I need a few seconds to breathe, look at our guests for a brief moment, and can capture all the emotion present in the room.

How is it possible for a moment to be so magical? How could all of this result in anything other than the perfection of a life together? I thought I was sure of something until now, but this feeling shows me otherwise. There is nothing within me greater than the conviction of the right decision for the love of my life.

“I took a while to realize that this is the essence of true love. The kind that happens fluidly and unconditionally, without pressures, fears, or insecurities. In you, I found the security and comfort I didn't even know I was looking for. Now, looking back at everything we've been through, I realize that every step that brought us here was guided by destiny. Every moment we shared, every laugh, every tear, everything was part of a carefully written plot for us to find each other in this perfect fairy tale.”

“And, my love, I promise to keep cherishing this feeling that binds us. Because it was by your side that I learned that true love doesn't need to be complicated or uncertain. I thank chance, destiny, and all the forces and entities that brought us together. I am blessed for this, and there are not enough words to express my gratitude at this moment. May our love continue to grow, to blossom, and may we face every challenge together with courage and complicity. Because if I'm by your side, I know there's nothing to fear, and we'll be fine as long as we're together.”

I articulate the last sentences while looking into your eyes; they are already engraved in me even before writing them.

Lewis presses his lips together; there are a few seconds of silence before we laugh at each other. In a mix of tears and happiness.

Knowing that it's now his turn makes me more anxious than minutes ago when I started my speech.

“Oh God.” He whispers with a choked voice. “How do you expect me to say anything after that?”

“Just breathe. I'm right here.”

Our hands connect again. I tighten my grip on him, waiting for the time Lewis needs to prepare.

Eventually, Lewis brings his hand to the pocket of his pants and takes out a folded piece of paper.

I notice the tremor in his hands. But his smile remains intact.

“Y/n…” He looks at me for a few seconds before returning his gaze to the paper. “I could spend hours here telling you how certain I am that you are the love of my life. How you showed me a life that I never imagined would be mine. Or how you taught me so much that I don't know how I survived before I met you.” The hand holding the paper tightens with a certain force, but his expression, in contrast, brings me peace. “But there are not enough vows of love to tell you what I would like now, Y/n. I don't think there's a combination of words that comes close to expressing what I really want, what I feel inside me. That's why I'm not going to try, not at this moment, not in this way. I will show you, every day, what no phrase at this moment could. And that's my promise to you.”

I feel an euphoria that could be mistaken for anxiety; each word of his envelops me in a way that I even feel numb, as if floating in an almost immortal state while I listen to him. Everything within me echoes that this is the moment, the pinnacle of genuine happiness. It's the moment I intend to remember every day for the rest of my life.

Simply, the best moment of all.

I even make an effort to set aside the awareness of my emotions a little. I'm not sure what could happen if I completely surrender to what I'm feeling. It's like a nirvana, and I hope it lasts forever within me.

Lewis pauses for a few seconds before continuing.

“You are the best part of me. I am my best version when I have you by my side. And for that, I promise to cultivate each of these things that move us, promise to take care of this love and never let it go away. I promise to remember every day how lucky I am to have a wife like you, even in those moments when you drive me crazy wanting something and not being sure what, and thinking I should be a deciphering master.” Everyone laughs, tears mixed with happiness on our faces. “No. It's okay, actually your ability to confuse me is one of the things I love about you.”

“You are light. You are happiness. You are peace and a storm at the same time; you are my foundation, the love of the life of someone who never believed in fairy tales. You are my fortress, and I hope to be yours. So, I'll be here, always right here, by your side. Making sure you are always content, always supported, never alone. Never alone.” He emphasizes the last sentence. His eyes glued to mine. “I love you.”

His gaze, intense and suffocating, seems to penetrate my skin, but I maintain composure, hiding the storm unraveling within me. Any gesture from me could end up prolonging this unbearable moment, and honestly, I don't know if I could endure another hour in this room.

I resist the temptation to look away and, instead, just nod slightly. In the ensuing silence, I try to capture every detail, every line on his face, as if this were the last time I would see him. His eyes, which once shone with love, now reflect only the shadow of what we were. His Adam's apple moves, and his gaze shifts away from mine, finally releasing me from this anguish.

The fingers holding the pen are tense, white from the applied pressure. The fine tip touches the paper, leaving a trail of farewell.

A final uncertain glance.

The last second as wife and husband.

I can't believe it ended like this.

But that's how it ends. Not with a bang, but with a suffocating silence, marking the end of something we swore to be eternal. The last trace of our connection fades away, and now all that remains is the journey unfolding before me. A life now redefined by the absence of what once was us.

[…]

I enter the apartment, and exhaustion takes over my body.

It's still mid-morning, but it feels like days have passed since I woke up.

My new home is nothing like the previous one; it's a simple apartment with three bedrooms that seems to have the perfect size to avoid feeling cramped but also not so large as to leave me lonely.

The apartment of a single woman.

The walls are predominantly white, with a single exception in the living room. I painted one of the walls blue on my first day here, a choice that now seems too impulsive. I look at that wall and feel a twinge of regret, but the idea of repainting it is simply inconceivable.

I don't even like the color blue.

Suddenly, I become aware of the object I tucked into my bag days ago, and for the first time since the purchase, I feel anxious about the possibilities it holds.

I close my hand around the strap of my bag and walk to the bathroom, no hurry, but my heart beats unevenly.

I lock the door behind me, even though I'm alone, a habit I haven't lost even after leaving my parents' house.

My breath would be audible even if the house weren't in the absolute silence it finds itself in.

I do what I've done at least two hundred times in my life; there's no need to look at the instructions. At this point, it has become muscle memory. The ritual unfolds in silence, marked only by the subtle sound of paper and plastic.

With care, I return the test to its place in the small box. Hesitation hangs in the air, a prolonged pause before facing what I already know. The urgency to find out competes with the reluctance to confront. I'm not ready; I don't want to relive all of that again. The fear inside me grows to proportions I've never experienced before. If I had the slightest strength, I could have a breakdown now.

I leave the bathroom, seeking more space, trying to alleviate the suffocating sensation. The small box still in my hand.

The indicated 3 minutes have passed; the instructions say to disregard after 15 minutes. I have 12 minutes, 12 minutes to avoid the answer, 12 minutes where I still pretend not to know anything, where I can continue to delude myself for another brief interval. 12 minutes that allow me to postpone the inevitable confrontation, as if ignoring the clock could freeze the reality that may await me.

There are tears. Tears that I don't know if they're of sadness, joy, or a complex combination of both. Each drop seems to carry the weight of a journey, mourning the past loss, the uncertainty of the future, and the unexpected surprise of the possibility of a new life forming.

There's a trembling smile playing at the corners of my lips. It's a smile marked by vulnerability, fear, and resilience. The irony of discovering this right after the divorce seems to hang in the air, but there's also a flame of courage that ignites within me. A strength that arises from the need to face this chapter alone.

There is confusion. My heart feels like a maze of contradictory sensations. The duality of emotions manifests in thoughts that collide, in doubts intertwining with fearful hopes. How to balance the fragility of a new life with the pain of a previous loss? Or rather, two losses?

There is fear. It feeds on the vulnerability of being alone. The specter of the past loss still looms over me, a shadow that whispers fears. The uncertainty of what is to come.

There is happiness. Happiness that arises from the understanding that life, despite its painful twists, goes on. A new life, an opportunity to start over, even if the scenery seems daunting at first glance. It's the hope that ignites in the face of darkness.

I gather the necessary courage and hold the object firmly. I take it out of the box.

There are two lines.

[…]

Life unfolds, it happens, even though I may want to stop it at times. Choices and changes, at times, leave eternal scars. And if it hurt enough to leave a mark, it means it should always be remembered.

Before me, there is a blank canvas, a path never treaded before, where I carry my baggage and memories that I'm not sure will fade so quickly.

The pain makes room for resilience, a chance for redefinition. Life shows that the ability to move forward is the source of overcoming, even when the future is unstable and uncertain.

Even in the quietest corners of my story, there is a subtle melody that continues to play, reminding me that, despite everything, life persists, transforming into an eternal flow.

Life metamorphoses, flowing like a river that, even in the face of obstacles, finds its way, reminding me that persistence is the essence of existence.

However, this same persistence, although it is the force that makes us move forward, can also be the cause of pain, of giving up, and of exhaustion.

Learn when to say goodbye.

N/a: OMG I´M BACK!😭

I won't even justify my absence. I simply couldn't write for a long time. But I hope it was worth it. Here it is, the last chapter, finally. I hope to be able to write again and bring more stories. Thank you to everyone who followed and had patience. ❤️❤️

#au fanfiction #lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton fluff #lewis hamilton smut #lewis hamilton x reader #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo #f1 #formula 1 #george russell

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pink-princess-pussy-pop · 5 months

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DEBUT - Invisible

Rafe Cameron x Reader Taylor Swift AU

OMFG I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS.

Warnings: Not with the OBX plot, language, rafe is kinda a douche, not proofread

She can't see the way your eyes, light up when you smile. She'll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by.

You and Rafe had been best friends since kindergarten. Rafe had stopped a group of girls from pushing you around on the playground and the two of you had been inseparable ever since. You and Rafe were now eighteen years old. Through your many years of friendship, you'd seen Rafe develop into a, for lack of a better term, fuck-boy. He'd have sex with basically any girl who would flirt with him, which was a lot.

Now, there was a girl that Rafe just couldn't get enough of. Sofia had just moved to the Outerbanks and had slept with Rafe on her first night here. You had heard all about her, how different she was from any other girl on the island, how gorgeous she was, and of course, what an amazing lay she was.

Rafe was hooked on her. It was odd to you, since in your 13 years of friendship, he had never once had a girlfriend. Now all of a sudden, Sofia was the one.

From your perspective, Sofia didn't seem interested in anything aside from being friends with benefits with Rafe, really only utilizing the benefits part.

And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her, but you are everything to me.

At some point during those thirteen years, you had developed feelings for Rafe. And those feelings turned into an unrequited love. Of course, Rafe had no idea about your romantic feelings toward him, but you thought about him all the time. He was basically your only friend, because everyone else who lived in the Outerbanks was scared of him.

And I just wanna show you, she don't even know you. She's never gonna love you like I want to. And you just see right through me, but if you only knew me, we could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible.

You longed to tell Rafe how you truly felt, but you knew there was no way he felt the same. You were the complete opposite of Sofia. She was gorgeous and popular, just Rafe's type. You always let Rafe have the limelight in the friendship, to the point where sometimes you'd feel invisible when around others. But you knew deep down, you and Rafe would be amazing together. He was pining after someone who didn't care, who didn't love him. And it was agony.

There's a fire inside of you that can't help but shine through. She's never gonna see the light no matter what you do.

Sofia just could not see how amazing Rafe was. He was so protective of the people he loved. His family, you, and unfortunately, her. You'd seen her disregard him, fully rolling her eyes at his offer to drive her home after she had gotten too drunk at a party. Later, after they had hooked up while you watched a movie downstairs, he had driven her home, leaving you alone in Tannyhill. When he got back, you had told him and he just said, "No, she was just being Sofia. Didn't wanna leave her friends, ya' know?"

And all I think about is how to make you think of me and everything that we could be.

After he said that you wanted to shake him. Shake him and say, "Rafe she is only using you for your money and for your dick. She doesn't want to be with you. Why don't you realize that?" But you couldn't. Sofia made Rafe happy, and he deserves to be happy after having such a crummy childhood. You couldn't ruin that for him.

But all you could think of was how good you and Rafe would be together. You knew everything about him. His favorite movies, foods, what side of the bed he sleeps on, his favorite mug, his coffee order. And Sofia? All she knew about him was the size of the condoms he wears. How is that love?

Like shadows in a faded light, oh, we're invisible. I just want to open your eyes and make you realize.

You and Rafe had decided during Junior year that you'd go to all of your future school dances together. He didn't want to ask a hook-up, afraid they'd get the wrong idea and want a relationship, and you were too scared to ask someone, and everyone else was too scared to ask you because of Rafe.

Your heart broke when Rafe told you the day before Homecoming that he had asked Sofia. He was dropping you off at home after school. You had gotten out of his truck before turning around and leaning your crossed arms on the open window.

"Oh hey, my dress for tomorrow is light blue, so do not wear a tie that clashes or my mom will kill you. She's expecting good pictures."

Rafe looked like a deer in headlights.

"Fuck. I totally thought I had told you, I'm so sorry. I, uh, I asked Sofia to go with me." He looked at you with so much sympathy, truly sorry that he was ditching you.

You willed yourself not to cry, forcing a smile.

"Oh! No, it's totally ok. I mean you like her, so it's only natural you'd want to go with her. Don't worry about it!" You had to stop yourself from rambling. You began to turn away from the window, far too embarrassed to continue the conversation. His hand on your arm stopped you.

You turned back to see him leaning over the center console.

"Hey, you should still come. I'm sure Sofia wouldn't mind, I can text her-"

"Rafe stop. I don't want to third-wheel. Go with her. It's ok. I'll just..." You blink away the tears. "I'll just watch movies or something." You smile. "Just let me know how the night goes, kay?" He nods, not convinced that you're ok, but doesn't push further. You wave goodbye as you walk into your house before letting the tears fall.

I just wanna show you, she don't even know you. Baby, let me love you, let me want you. You just see right through me, but if you only knew me, we could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible.

You told your mom that you were feeling too sick to go to the dance.

"But what about Rafe?"

"He found someone to go with, don't worry about him."

You spent the night alone in your room, not paying attention to the movies playing on your laptop. You had sent Rafe a text almost three hours ago and hadn't received a reply. He always texted right back. No matter what.

have fun tonight and don't do anything I wouldn't do... ;)

You contemplated deleting it but ended up deciding not to. You were just being clingy. He was finally on a date with the girl he liked. Of course, he won't reply right away. He'd reply eventually, wouldn't he?

She can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile.

The next morning, you have no texts from him. But his Instagram has a new post of the pictures he had taken with her the night before. Sofia looks gorgeous, in the same light blue color you were planning on wearing. Then, you notice that she isn't looking at him in any of the photos while Rafe is looking at her like she was the love of his life.

You put your phone on Do Not Disturb for the rest of the day, not wanting it to alert you when he eventually texts you back.

fuck, just saw this, so sorry

it was great! thx for being so understanding about the whole date thing

ur literally the best friend ever

YAYAYAY! I know i said i was gonna wait until the ghostface au was finished but while i was away i had so many ideas about this. next chapter is...

Fearless: You Belong With Me

#rafe cameron #rafe imagine #rafe fic #rafe #rafe cameron smut #rafe outer banks #rafe x reader #rafe obx #rafe smut #outerbanks rafe #outerbanks fanfiction #outerbanks #taylor swift outerbanks #rafe cameron taylor swift

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kkpaaw · 1 month

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FOR REAL Branch and the rest of his brothers have known each other barely any of their lives. Really they know nothing about Branch, and Branch only knows what little he can recall of them. I want more of that explored in fics so bad, and the fact that really they STILL don't know each other by the end of TBT- No way they were gone any longer than like a week, and that isn't enough time to really get to know someone, especially when they've got other things to think about (And of course, the fact they don't know what Branch's childhood was like, always love people making content of his bros discovering that)

My first ask! Hello Anon! Nice to meet ya!

YES EXACTLY! I truly wish more fanfics covered this sad reality of the broz cuz its heart wrenching and also very interesting!

I love seeing people make fanfics about them discovering how fucked up Branch's childhood was cuz he truly did go through alot when u stop and really think about it.

Honestly It's a part of their story that, while not said in the movie, is always there. No matter how much they ignored it, the reality of them being strangers to Branch is something that's always gonna be brewing In the background until it gets addressed, if it ever gets addressed

Cuz Branch couldn't have been older than what? 2? 3? Maybe 4? I don't think he was that old cuz he was still in diapers and majority of kids don't develop long term memories until they are around 4 and if we wanna be very generous to say he WAS 4 then means Branch only has like what? A year worth of memories of them of his current age? Maybe not even that? That's literally nothing.

It's honestly a miracle Branch remembers them at all and he prolly only does because the day they split was traumatic to him and trauma memories tend to stick around even at a young age.

If that day didn't have as big of an impact as it did, he prolly would have completely forgotten he even HAD brothers other than a faint feeling of familiarity. And honestly? A part of me WANTS to see a fanfic exploring that possibility where Branch just completely forgot he had brothers and their reaction to it. How angsty it would be. How different would the story of TBT had played out? That kinda of stuff always gets me thinking

#anon ask #kkpaaw #dreamworks trolls #trolls #trolls dreamworks #trolls band together #branch trolls #trolls branch #clay trolls #trolls clay #floyd trolls #trolls floyd #trolls john dory #john dory trolls #bruce trolls #trolls bruce

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diaryofaprettyprincess · 2 years

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Wait- what if bimbo reader was actually more of the cold and uptight type. Hyperfem and naive but has walls pushing people away. But by some miracle starts dating yandere!Eddie who burrows himself into her heart until she cant live without him, hes the only one she can trust. Makes her his little baby that only needs Daddy. Always has to hold hands with Eddie or be in his lap to feel safe. Basically bimbofication but reader was always a bimbo at heart, just pretended she wasnt to protect herself

:,)) <333

CW: bimbofication, daddy!eddie, ddlg dynamics, yandere!eddie babies reader, pacifer usage, fluff, crying, dark!eddie, little!reader, littlespace, eddie picks reader up/carries her

you're a top student, but eddie can see past that. you're tired, and you need someone to take care of you because you're so busy takin' care of everyone else. he knows what you need, and even if it takes a little time to get your defenses down, he will succeed.

but !! but !! but!! imagine eddie just plants himself in your subconcious (and heart) so when your feeling upset or sad you just think of him and wanting him to comfort you <//33

he gives you a big hug in the morning before school, taking a deep breath in as he smells your scent, his heart fluttering in his chest.

he starts to do small things to baby you before you begin dating. like for example, trying to force you into your 'little mindset' so you can be open to him caring for you.

at first you were stubborn, "no, eddie i can do it myself!" you would huff, but eddie could hear that little whine in your voice. he knew he was getting somewhere.

he'll call you nicknames like, "baby" on a normal basis, but when he starts calling you "sweetheart, princess, 'my little___"" you begin to feel yourself slip.

even when you begin dating, your walls are still up.

but as you begin to slip further and further, he'll drive you away from your friends saying things to you like, "i'm the only one you can trust, sweetheart,,you don't have to be someone everyone else wants you to be around me." and "they don't understand you like i do, princess. you're my little baby an' you need me to take care of you.."

he can sense your walls starting to crumble but one specific night, everything changes.

you call him, crying.

"a-an' then, she jus' yelled at me! 'm so tired, eds," you whimper, and eddie can feel his heart break, but he also knows that right now is the perfect time.

"poor thing," he murmurs, and you can feel your mind get that familiar fuzziness, except now it's intense. "y'wanna come over, baby? we can watch a movie an' i'll take real good care of you.."

you sniffle, "y-yeah, da--eds, i--- 'm gonna go now, mk?" you slur, and eddie could hear it. he could practically taste the word that is sitting so heavily on your tongue, just begging to fall out.

"m'okay, sweetheart, be careful--i'll see you in a few.."

"m'kay, an' when i get there can we cuddle n' stuff?" he can tell your shy about it, probably fidgeting with the phone chord.

"'f course, princess. we can do anything you want."

you nod, although he can't see it. "m'kay eds, m'gonna go now, okay?"

eddie laughs softly, "yeah, princess, i'll see you soon."

you both say your goodbyes and hang up.

once you get to eddie's he embraces you tightly as you hiccup over sobs into his chest.

he kisses the top of your head before pulling your face back gently with his hands.

you feel so..tiny.

"let's getcha all nice n' cozy m'kay, sweet girl?"

you nod, sniffling as he swipes your tears with the pad of his thumbs gingerly.

he changes you into his Hellfire Club shirt, kissing your forehead once your head pops out of the material.

you giggle when he steals small kisses from you, brushing stray hairs away from your seraphic face.

the night progresses and eventually, he can tell your holding back on calling him what you really wanna call him.

"da--uhm, e-eds can you hold me, please?" your voice is unintentionally higher and whinier than it usually is, so he can tell your really fighting being fully submerged in your 'littlespace' mindset.

he's cradling your head, his body leaning on his bent arm on his bed, his hand cradling your face as he looks at you softly, making your body feel like mush.

"'s okay to call me whatcha wanna call me, sweetheart, i know you want to.." his voice is alluring and kind and gentle and you so badly want to give in but that pesky wall is still there; even if it is about a few inches high at this point.

you whine, your bottom lip trembling as he kisses it to calm you, "can you relax for me, bunny, hm? do as daddy says, he knows what's best for your little head.."

that's what does it.

"d-daddy, wanna cuddle lots tonight.."

your cheeks are red as he praises you softly with, "that's my good girl, my little baby.."

and from that night on, you felt so deeply connected to eddie that you would follow him around everywhere like a little lost puppy (one morning he woke up having to pee, and you felt him remove his arms slowly so then that resulted in you waking up as well. so, you grabbed your teddy bear with heavy, sleepy eyes, holding eddie's hand as you both walked to the bathroom.).

you're always sitting on his lap, and he buys you cute little onesies and pacies and toys to aid your little side.

one night your hair is in cute little pigtails, a pink pacifier in between your pouted lips, your cute little baby blue onesie on (not the ones with the long sleeves and long pants, the ones with the sort of underwear cut that buttons under the crotch and with the short sleeves).

you're playing with your pink bunny eddie got you when he came home one saturday afternoon. eddie's sitting across from you, legs spread open as he fidgets with a little doll he gifted you (this man is constantly spoiling you). he's looking and admiring your child-like happiness, watching you play with your toy as you sit on your haunches.

you crawl into his space, on all fours as your face is right in front of his.

"hi, princess," he coos, and you wrap your arms around his neck, his big hands going to your waist as you hug him. "lub you." you muffle, nuzzling your head into his neck.

he kisses your shoulder, "i love you too, sweet girl."

you let go of him and turn around, lying your head back on his chest, his left arm extended behind him and holding him up, your pink rabbit forgotten as you fidget with his rings.

you twiddle with his hand, rubbing your fingers gently over the calluses on his palm making eddie want to fucking cry.

oh and don't get me started on the fact that when you both are out with like Steve, Nancy, Robin, or something how you literally cling onto him like a koala.

you whimper into his neck when you want his attention on you. you're always sitting on his lap and holding his hand and it's now hard for you to even go to a class where he isn't apart of the roster of students in that period.

when you both come home from school, he takes a bath or shower with you when you mumble out a, "need daddy."

he makes you feel safe, calm, and happy.

he tells you that you don't need to think with your little brain, because daddy'll think for you.

he knows what's best for you and he loves you deeply.

#eddie munson #daddy!eddie #daddy!eddie munson #daddy!eddie munson x little!reader #bimbo!reader #mail 💌#eddie munsonxreader #dark!daddy!eddie munson #note: i didn't check for errors again

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journalsouppe · 26 days

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Professor Layton and the Spectre’s Call!! I actually discovered ordering the game from the UK with shipping was actually cheaper than ordering the American version of the game, there were no major differences that I could tell as they still had the original English voice actors.

I enjoyed this game!! Not my top favorite installment but I still had a great time and loved the new characters. The puzzles were well designed and had nice scaled difficulty and the mini games were really neat too. The Eternal Diva references were so blatant lmfao but I’m excited for Miracle Mask! I was also super exhausted when writing the summary so sorry there’s so many errors and I use the word fun a million times ToT

The Descole and Tea sticker are from JordyDrawsMerch! All other stickers are from Daiso. Writing typed below!

Rating: 8.3

Played: Sp 2024

Port: DS on 3DS

Favorite? Y

Replayable? Y

Recommend? Y

Series: Professor Layton

Comments

Emmy and BABY LUKE!!

OH THANK GOD IT’S CHRISTOPHER ROBIN MILLER

Ngl im so excited to watch the anime, I love the animation sm

Oh Layton is not taking Claire’s death well at all

I love how animated the background now is!!

Beautiful music as always

Does Clark have the same VA as Dmitri lol

THE WORLD WILL END? Damn Luke

The specter looks like one of those little kingdom hearts guys

Luke’s been a LaytonMobile hater since day one lmao

Luke is especially funny in this game

Layton taking Luke to the black market is so wild

THE PUPPET PLAY IS ADORABLE

I’m going to fight aunt taffy

Ooo we get to play as Emmy

Holy shit Emmy

GIRL FROG

Emmy asking if Layton always pokes lamps he sees is making me think he physically touches everything the player taps

The convo with the meowing man???

CHELMEY AND BARTON

Based anti-cop npc

THE DYNAMITE WORKS LMAO

Is Hershel gonna get a cask of amantillado’d T^T

The canals are so pretty i like the design of misthallery

Oh i do not like the police chief

I LOVE YOU EMMYYY

Grosky is very funny

Omg the cliff death police cover up reminds me of killer frequency which i just watched a playthrough of

FUCK JAKES

Where’s phoenix when you need him

JAIL BREAK JAIL BREAK!!!

I love descole’s voice

YAAA LADDER VS STEP LADDER

NESSIE???

The story book stories and animations are so CUTE!!

I wonder if Naiya was added to the game to hit at the Eternal Diva

This kinda reminds me of a pokemon movie but I don’t remember which one it was

^^ it was pokemon heroes when latias and latios were caught ^^;

AN OCARINA!!!

Creepy fucking factory music ToT

Oh dear. I seem to have stepped on a hexagonal spanner

Descole always serving massive cunt

Woah the golden garden is beautiful

Ohh so that’s why Luke was fork life certified in plvspw

ZAMN T^T

THE WAY THE SPRITES WALK KILLS ME LOL

I really like these little episodes from others POVS! ^_^

Summary

This was such a fun origin story for Luke and Layton. Very much a classic Layton game with world ending machinery and gorgeous environment design. I really liked both Emmy and Descole, there’s a more serious undertone than with Don Paolo as the main villain (even though I do love Don Paolo). Emmy is amazing!! I was afraid she would be sidelined like Flora was but I’m glad to she stands her ground and does what she wants to do. I alos like how we got to go on our own adventure as her to London, she’s a character that doesn’t need to rely on Hershel to solve everything. Meeting Luke was great, loved his blank stare. It was fun seeing his origins and how Clark and Hershel knew each other. I’m curious how the prequels will play into the New World of Steam, especially now that Luke’s family have stories and sprites (unlike in the original trilogy). Loved the ACAB story, v nice to play while I’m still so mad at what’s happening to university students currently. Descole was so fun, I am obsessed with his outfit and personality. Unfortunately I was spoiled on who he is but I’m very excited to learn more. I think similar to Ace Attorney, the fourth installment is that last game in the classic 2D style, which is sad but PLvsPW makes me very hopeful about 3D Layton. The overall story was fun, I really liked the sub plot about the Ravens - that was really fun (i was so tired writing this omfg). I wish we got a little more backstory on the rich guy who died, I feel like there’s more to the story. OO I loved the little episodes, especially the one about Chelmey. They added a lot of fun context and gave more life to the NPCs. Such a fun and classic Layton game, I can’t wait to play Miracle Mask! (And read the light novels). This wasn’t my favorite Layton game but I still really loved it and had a great time and loved the puzzles — that’s all I want from PL!

#journal #journalsouppe #bullet journal #video game journal #professor layton #spectres call #last specter #professor layton and the spectres call #professor layton and the last specter

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nerd-chocolate · 7 months

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The Bourgeois Family’s and Zoé Lee’s colors symbolize, civilian and akuma analysis:

Okay, hear me out on this one! It will be real quick I promise. So let’s get started, shall we? Also sorry for not having more of a better introduction to this post, I’ll be better next time I promise.

The Akuma Designs:

After looking at all of the akuma designs that the bourgeois family and Zoé Lee had including their concept art, especially Sole Crusher’s first design, I concluded. They all share common colors. They are black and yellow, you could also say red as well since both Heart Hunter and Antibug share that color between them. But the only design that doesn’t have yellow and black is Sole Crusher’s concept art where she is all blue vs her final design and why I begin this up it all makes sense you see. You can see this with all the akuma designs in the show shown here.

Why Colors are so important:

You want to know why these mean something because it shows how connected they are and mainly means Chloé, André, and Audrey. I get to Zoé a bit but right now let’s focus on these three first.

Okay, Chloé’s first akuma which was Antibug had primarily red and black which doesn’t mean anything in season one since André didn’t akumatized in season one and Audrey didn’t even show up in that season but surprisingly red does come back in Malediktator and Heart Hunter’s designs (I’m not counting when scarlet moth akumatized them since every akuma was red in those episodes because Scarlet Moth himself by the way) so red does show up in two of Chloé’s akumas in season 4 it doesn’t have that big of an impact, unlike the blacks and yellows in their designs.

Because they all have yellow and black in them, Antibug’s all-black suit with the red polkas, Style Queens having the blacks on her weird hair thing and black edges on her suit, Malediktator having the black stripes on his shoulder pads Queen Wasp also having a all black-suit with yellow stripes since she just Queen Bee Akuma but her colors flipped, Queen Banana having black stripes on her design like hair, dress, weapon, mask, and shoes/legs, finally Penalteam having black jersey, black fingerless gloves, her having black on her boots, and her sunglasses having black shades. They all use black as an accent color well except Queen Wasp (and Miracle Queen but I didn’t mention her since she is the same design as Queen Wasp but has a crown and armor on her) but it is worth noting that they all have black and more importantly yellow on their designs especially after Style Queen started it in season and the other designs expect Heart Hunter, Sole Destroyer, and Mayor Chloé in season five (if anyone actually cares but I don’t) which is honestly kinda fits since black is symbolic for evil and power which makes sense for all these akumas, their motivations, and more importantly what the crew thinks of their character since the very beginning, they were also seen as bad by everyone in the show and the crew. They all made a person sad or mad enough to get akumatized even to each other most importantly Audrey, who caused Queen Bee to get akumatized and André (addition Chloé as well) to get akumatized in the same season and the Queen’s battle arc. But these characters’ akuma all want some sort of power or control over someone. Malediktator is self-explanatory I mean it’s in the name, Style Queen wanted to fire anyone that she thought was unexceptional or disrespectful to her in her opinion, and Chloé’s akumas always share this broad goal of power (wanting to be the only hero and prove to her mother, wanted to play a soccer in her way so she can win, want to change a movie because her sister is in it, and again wanted to prove that she a hero to her used to be idol, Ladybug) so yeah the black works knowing what black is symbolism most of the time. But now what does yellow have to do with this?

A whole lot and I’m not even gonna go in depth where the yellow is placed on all of these designs except the ones I mentioned that didn’t have the yellow so I just said what yellow is symbolic for. Yellow in a negative way is used for cowardice, impatience, betrayal, and egotism and that last one is fitting since the bourgeois family all have big egos even if they are not an akuma especially Audrey since she is never shown to be insecure about something on the screen where it noticeably unlike André and Chloé. Cowardice makes sense only for André and Chloé especially André, let’s face it the biggest coward in the whole show is next to Damocles and while Chloé can act brave, she can be cowardly especially if she is the one getting chased by an akuma which she caused which mostly happened in the first season but it never really went away. Betrayal is something I noticed when comes to these akuma’s actions, like Style Queen betray her daughter when Chloé was helping Ladybug, Malediktator did brainwash his wife to be more obey and later trying to do the same thing with Chloé in the same episode, and Chloé betrays Ladybug’s trust in Miracle Queen and turns on Sabrina when she presents during her akumas and didn’t care when she was Queen Banana and Sole Destroyer. But where they all share something in common is impatience. Their impatience where either wearing thin or just nonexistent most of the time, the most being Style Queen since she just fired anyone that didn’t do what she said immediately, Malediktator was wearing his thin when Chloé kept running away from him each time, and Chloé’s akuma kinda flipped flopped while some of akumas can have patience, they quickly become nonexistent when they get angry like Queen Banana and Antibug. So when they all lose patience it is when they’re losing to Ladybug and Chat Noir so patience becomes nonexistent when things don’t go their way especially Chloé’s. So yeah after breaking all of their designs down and how the blacks and yellow mean in their designs and characters where does Sole Crusher and her concept design stand? Well, I’m glad you asked since it leads to my next point.

Why Sole Crusher’s current one doesn’t work at all:

Okay I know I said “I don’t think Sole Crusher’s design in the show is that bad and it was her poorly-written personality that made the akuma bad” Well I lied since it was Zoé’s debut episode and I love Zoé since I have to admit she one of my comfort characters but doesn’t mean her akuma or debut get a free pass and both of them that made the akuma design pretty bad because aside the fact that it doesn’t feel like, look, or even hints to Zoé at all, it just cluttered mess. Sole Crusher has no reason to have horns on her back or shoes since they don’t even do or help the design whatsoever. She has way too many horns on her head, two or heck even four would be enough not fucking eight! The diamonds all over her don’t help at all, instead, they just make it look like a cluttered mess since she has diamonds on her forehead and the top of her eyebrows and don't even function as eyebrows since she still has them so what’s even the point? Because of this, her concept one looks so much cleaner and less cluttered than her canon one, there are some things I may not like but at least there isn’t as much as her canon character I found. And I know I sound dumb when saying this but the concept feels like Zoé to me than her current one ever did since it doesn’t feel like a Chloé or any of the Bourgeois family because of her color palette and I’ll explain that in the next paragraph. Overall I hate this design and this just makes me long for her concept even if it has its problems I have. It's just a cleaner design but that's beside the point and let’s talk about their color schemes, the concept art, and the canon one.

Sole Crusher’s color scheme in canon doesn’t make any sense since her personality didn’t fit what personality Sole Crusher was barely given. Since she isn’t cowardly, she never betrays anyone that we know of, she doesn’t have an ego, and most importantly she does have patience since she decided to wait for Ladybug and Chat Noir to get to the hotel rather than going after them immediately or throwing a tantrum. Which to me doesn’t fit with Sole Crusher’s or Zoé’s personality at all

since yellow was always portrayed as bad in this show since a few of our ‘good’ characters wore yellow in their actual designs you could say, I’m overthinking it but I’m not since I went to check and all the akuma class doesn’t wear yellow except Nino but he just wears a yellow bracelet. So why in the world put yellow on the girl if she isn’t even close to her family except for one member and it is the one that is a coward? And this is why I said light blue would work better for Sole Crusher’s design than yellow because it would show how she isn’t like them and is disconnected from them which isn’t a bad thing since let’s be honest who even wants to be related to the Bourgeois family. After all, I surely don’t. And light blue could work for her personality if she had any because she doesn’t have one that truly defines her. And yes I know maybe that was the point of her personality and writers probably thought that but I don’t think that executed well or not even at all and we’re giving these writers too much credit because these writers made Simpleman which is a dumb episode.

Anyway back to my point, Sole Crusher being all blue like her concept art would work better since it symbolizes how she isn’t a Bourgeois, and deep down she doesn’t want to be like any of them, she is a Lee, and knows it. Also light blue/blue color symbolizes unfriendliness, sadness, impersonal, passive, and emotionally unstable when it comes to personality, which does fit Malediktator and André and Chloé and her akumas pretty well I will admit but that would also fit with Sole Crusher since before getting akumatized Zoé was passive towards Chloé’s behavior and let her walk all over her and broke down into tears when she was alone and you could say Sole Crusher was trying to match Chloé’s unfriendliness and her lack of personality also helps but I don’t think that last one is a good idea for someone’s debut episode and Sole Crusher being impersonal could honestly work. There are not many examples for Sole Crusher where I could say for blue color works on her when it comes to personality when I try to think of one, unlike the Bourgeois family akumas I mentioned before since she doesn’t have one where is more defined like other akumas and that’s biggest problem with her akuma as a whole and that shouldn’t be fair to Zoé since this her only akuma she got ever since her debut episode. So why does she get the short end of the stick here? That isn’t fair even if that was to point to her personality, it just doesn’t work, I’m sorry it just doesn’t. But I should give these colors a more positive light since there are some positive meanings to these colors and which ones fit the Bourgeois Family and Zoé.

The Positive Meanings of Black, Yellow, and Blue:

I have been negative about these colors huh? Well, change that shall we? I can tell you now blue more positive meanings are a bit more fitting for Sole Crusher and Zoé.

Okay let’s start with the black meanings, black usually means elegance and sophistication which does fit with Audrey, André, and Chloé since they either are that way or they think they are that. But for Zoé those don’t fit her or Sole Crusher and since I forgot to mention this I feel someone will eventually do so might as well say it. Yes, Sole Crusher does black in her design but just like Queen Banana and Penalteam with their red eyes, it doesn’t matter and it is only on her eyelashes and pupils. But the black on Zoé’s leather jacket is worth mentioning and while elegant and sophisticated may not be that important to her rebellion which symbolizes honesty fits her since goes against Audrey’s and Chloé’s standards of being a Bourgeois. Another thing to note is that black is used to symbolize mystery which does fit Audrey and Zoé since no one knew who they were until meeting them in canon respectively in their debut episodes.

Okay the only thing yellow in a positive light when it comes to the Bourgeois family is probably happiness for Chloé since let’s be honest, she takes pleasure from bullying her peers and you said the same happens to Audrey and André when she is impressed by someone and him when he with his daughter or having his hotel be habitat by celebrities. But as for Zoé when it comes to yellow, it was harder for me when she can be happy with the people who truly care about her and friendship where she gets a lot of them (even though we see them on screen as much as I want) when she in Paris but even then yellow isn’t that fitting for her as much as the other Bourgeois family members. So sorry this isn’t a lot but I think the blue one would be interesting and heard me out on that one.

Blue symbolizes calm, reliability, patience, and bravery in a more positive light. And while Chloé does show some bravery when she becomes a superhero for a brief time during seasons 2-3 and André tries being calm and patient with his wife and daughter when they want something. They don’t show it as much and backtrack them more often than not, especially André since he is quick to panic and quick to make his wife and daughter happy even if someone suffers for it to make it happen as much as possible. And as for Chloé…. Well, she does have some bravery but I think that more of having a big ego and stupid writing in the later seasons (Yes I know that Audrey has blue eyes but so does the rest family and they are not as prominent as the others since she always wearing sunglasses in her appearances and while she does show calm and bravery, it reads more like she doesn’t give a shit about some situations most of the time, just wanted to mention that). But enough about them, these traits fit Zoé a lot more than the yellow did for her. Patience and calm are not only present in Zoé but in Sole Crusher as well since she decided to wait and get powerful before chasing after the heroes immediately and she looked pretty calm and sly when the heroes left to go to the hotel. Yeah, Zoé being associated with the color blue makes sense since she is a reliable friend when she shows up, is brave to stand up to her sister in Queen Banana (which I know isn’t much but still), she very patient when putting up with her family, and she has this calm demeanor in her character when she does show up. I know it doesn’t seem much to you but to me, it does even if I didn’t have that many examples of the things I was talking about and I still wanted to mention them.

My Personal Opinion/Conclusion:

In my opinion, Zoé should be associated with the color blue rather than yellow. I’m not saying get rid of the yellow entirely but make yellow a bit more of an accent color like Chloé having blue eyes and blue eyeshadow or André having the blue striped on his sash. Just make the yellow on Zoé’s design an accent rather than her main color heck just change the color of her pants to blue then just have her shoes have the yellow on them already. And I know what you guys going to say but shouldn’t she try to look connected to her family in some way while might be right about that, I say that her being disconnected from her family makes sense since she isn’t like them like I said before she is a Lee not a Bourgeois and that fine. Getting rid of the yellow entirely doesn’t make sense, making it her main color doesn’t either since yellow has been portrayed as a bad thing in this show rather than a good thing and she doesn’t fit in the yellow symbolism I mentioned.

Overall, the crew just didn’t care about Zoé and just wanted to create a replacement for Chloé so the fandom could stop complaining about her failed and probably nonexistent redemption arc but decided to be lazy and just rush Zoé out. This causes discourse in the fandom with some Chloé fans (the toxic ones not all of them but some) hating on Zoé even though it is not her fault for being this way it was the miraculous crew’s fault for this, not the character. This also caused a lot of potential not only with Zoé but with Chloé as well. And I don’t even like Chloé as much as other fans but even I think we missed an interesting dynamic with the two in multiple ways. So that is what I’m planning to do in my rewrite of Sole Crusher so maybe I can give Zoé some justice because she deserves better than what she gave from not only the crew but also some of the fandom (not salting anyone that doesn’t use Zoé, you do you my guy and I get it, just feel like people just kinda give up on Zoé and just uses her for Chloé’s development which can be frustrating to me). Please don’t take that to heart and I just want to let you know my opinion at the end of the day. So I hope you enjoy this post and are having a lovely day or night when you're reading or seeing this post, bye!!

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #zoé lee #chloé bourgeois #andre bourgeois #audrey bourgeois #akuma design #akuma #zoe lee #chloe bourgeois #miraculous salt #ml fandom salt (just a bit)

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nterini · 1 year

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In Defense of Hira - A textbook case of C-PTSD caused by Childhood Abuse and Neglect

In a lot of the shows that I watch, especially with teens or young adults relating to trauma, or any genre really, there’s always a playful question on my mind: where are their parents? However, at this point in show, it’s becoming so much more apparent that the lack of support Hira received growing up, is fundamental to the way that he sees himself and his position in the world around him. So much so that as much as I want to joke about Hira being as dense as a stone wall, I find myself becoming increasingly uncomfortable in how much my own trauma and reactions to isolation mirror Hira’s.

Symptoms of complex PTSD

Feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt.

Problems controlling your emotions.

Finding it hard to feel connected with other people.

Relationship problems, like having trouble keeping friends and partners. (Source: NHS)

How was Hira Traumatized?

He was left to his own defenses at an early age and had to fend for himself. Just because they provided him with a house and money for food doesn’t mean they took care of him. He was also bullied for a speech impediment and isolated by his peers as a result. He’s probably never had anyone listen to him closely or had close emotional or physical relationships in his life. Extended periods of neglect in childhood and then more intense isolation later on is extremely damaging.

Trauma manifests differently. Before therapy, it was really difficult for me to wrap my head around the fact that I wasn’t actually invisible to friends and family. It took a quite aggressive and embarrassing event, (now funny and touching really) for me to understand that if I deviated from my own patterns or if I disappeared or didn’t contact people for hours that people would actually miss me or think about me. I went out and watched a movie after an event, and told one person through text. After the two hour movie, I turned my phone back on and found 30 missed calls. My mother had informed me that she had called the police and that the principal had formed a search party for me. My face was plastered all over Snapchat by my classmates. I was mortified by what I believed to be a waste of resources and time on my behalf. Such a loud display of love and even then all I could think about was hiding away and making myself smaller. I wasn’t even decent enough to acknowledge the pain, worry, and fear they felt at the thought that someone they loved went missing. It took multiple years later: a very a tentative mother and aunt, very involved teachers, mentors and friends plus therapy for me to stop feeling like a ghost. To get out of my own head and stop trying to fade in the background as a coping mechanism. After being abandoned by his mother to live alone in a house so she could be with the family she wants, after being isolated by his classmates for having a stutter all throughout high school, only one person knocked loudly enough at the door attached to the fortress Hira built in his mind to cope with his trauma. Kiyoi.

That mental fortress is why Hira is alive today. It kept him safe when he had to sleep in the dark alone as a young boy when he had to cook his own meals. His social ineptitude is due to years of isolation and degradation by those around him. He wasn’t deemed worthy enough by his own mother to be taken care of. Yet Kiyoi loves and sees him. Kiyoi says his name and holds his hand and kisses him and suddenly Hira is solid mass. Not a shadow on the wall or the useless child not worth keeping. He becomes slightly more than nothing. In Hira’s mind he becomes a pebble. Sigh. Well it’s a start. But it’s not enough. It’s gonna take a real miracle for Hira to overcome years of trauma and see himself as a human being. I believe in him though. He’s so brave. No like really though, some of the shit he says is so cringey it takes real guts. Kiyoi is not going to give up on Hira anytime soon he’s too much of an exhibitionist for Hira and a freak (endearingly). Also, Hira is obsessive and intense, so they’re a perfect match.

He just needs proper counseling and a bit of time. I’m rooting for them.

#My Beautiful Man #my beautiful man 2 #utsukushii kare #utsukushii kare 2 #hira x kiyoi #kiyoi sou #Hira #show analysis #review #childhood truama #tw cptsd

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spid3namy · 7 months

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hiii so uh I was rewatching aladdin and it got me thinking- what abt Miles 1610 taking reader out for a swing (like the whole new world scene)

reader is spiderwoman on earth 42 and she spots the prowler on the roof but when he turns her away she does that annoying trick aladdin did when he jumped off the roof but landed into his carpet (webs) and he went and checked on her. But idk im not good at reqs?

pairing : e!1610 miles x black!female reader

summary : miles takes you on a cute little date around the city. literally.

contains : fluff , cussing , kissing

word count : 638

notes : this took me way too long to write LMAO. i hope this is what you hoped for it to be, i tried my best to try and make it as close to the aladdin scene based on memory cus i have watched that movie in a long time. lowkey i might make the other idea but we’ll see

“Come on, amor.. ain’t no need for you to be scared”

Miles tried comforting you, giving you that big smile of his. The same one that always seemed to make you melt. Not this time though. Not in a million years. He had to be insane to even think that you would even allow him to take you around swinging in the city.

You were no fool. Miles was clumsy. He got easily distracted and falling off a building to your death was not exactly the top priority on your bucket list. So of course, you were trying to get him to leave you alone about it.

But knowing him, he definitely wasn’t going to leave you alone about it. That’s just how he was. Sure, it was annoying but you knew it was him. So you couldn’t stay mad at him for too long about it.

“Miles, no. I ain’t tryna die!”

“You ain’t gonna die, you bein’ over dramatic.”

“Kiss my ass, boy.”

“Gladly”

A groan comes from you as you glare at the boy, your arms crossed across your chest. There was no way in hell were you ever gonna allow him to hold you and swing you around New York. That was shit they do in movies. This was real life.

Yet, somehow you found yourself standing in front of your apartment building with Miles by your side. He looked at you expectedly, like he was just waiting for you to finally agree to swing around with him. Even if he knew that you wouldn’t. Or at least, say that you wouldn’t.

“Come on, amor.. stop bein’ so scared”

“Fuck off, Miles.”

Miles chuckled and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and looking at you with a raised eyebrow. It seemed like he was taunting you. You hated how easy it was for him to get under your skin. Stupidly hot asshole.

“Let’s get this shit over with, Miles.”

Miles looks at you with glee. It was like a kid in a candy store. You already knew you were gonna regret your decision.

Miles allowed himself to move closer to you, grabbing you by the waist before he shot a web up to the top of the building. A yelp comes from you as he shoots spider-webs around the city. It’s a miracle that nobody other than you knew that he was Spider-Man.

“Ain’t this cool!?”

“No! It’s fuckin’ not cool!”

Miles rolled his eyes playfully and pressed a kiss onto your cheek. Your cheeks heat up before you push his face away from yours, wanting him to focus on his surroundings and not you! You were not about to be killed because your boyfriend wanted to be an idiot.

“C’mon, don’t be such a downer”

You roll your eyes and hold onto him tighter, not liking how fast he is going now. How the hell could he do this every day? This was terrifying. Never again would you allow yourself to do anything like this was him.

This was such a stupid idea.

Yet, you couldn’t help the way that you enjoyed the wind in your face and hair. It was pretty soothing. This was definitely a one time thing.

New York looked so much better this way. You got to see places you never even knew existed before. It was nice.

Definitely a one time thing though.

“See, wasn’t that fun?”

Miles looked at you with a grin as the two of you sat down on the rooftop of some random old building.

“No, it was terrifying. Never again would I do that.”

Miles snorted and rolled his eyes playfully, nudging you gently and giving you a grin as he looked at you with admiration in his eyes. He was so cute yet so stupid.

It was something you were used to.

#☆ namy writes #request #miles morales x you #miles x reader #miles morales x reader #earth 1610 miles x reader #earth 1610 miles morales x reader

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sinistergooseberries · 5 months

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SALAAR (SPOILER ALERT)

continuing my tags from a previous post (sorry 😭 @deadloverscity) : like i said, i do think salaar is a good story so far. I like the world-building, I like the tribe coalition system that becomes a background for our story, and i like the fact that varadha and deva are in a toxic yaoi relationship.

im not gonna lie tho, i just haaaate the cinematography and lighting in prashant neel's movies. it's always a bad time there. It's like slapping a vignette over every frame of the movie, and it takes away any colour whatsoever. I understand that he wants to go for a dark vibe, but trust me, dark vibes can be achieved even without making the entire movie dark and invisible. I literally cannot see the actors doing any action! It's bad! It's not enjoyable. As a typical Telugu moviegoer (and assuming the movie was made for a predominantly telugu audience), I enjoy a somewhat vibrant colour scheme. So far, in all of our movies and even the mega movies (if you have watched RRR and Baahubali) there is a lot colour and imagery going on in the movies. I think in Prashant neel's cinemas, all of this is taken away. He has a set of colours that appear in his films consistently - which are black, grey and red. This colour scheme i feel, if repeatedly used, can be a bit boring and may take away the vibrance of the story. the stark contrasts (imo) do not emphasise the story, they overshadow it. still, take this w a grain of salt.

However, considering the fact that this is just his fourth film, ill cut him some slack. But man, if he is going to make movies for a telugu audience, i hope he lets go of the vignette filter.

next, the worldbuilding. i like it - here is a country that is completely separated from india, yet dictates certain aspects of it. i like that they chose an isolated place that evolves in parallel with the mainland, but retains the values of the tribes, making this place mythical and real at the same time. i was really intrigued by the tribe lore - about how the mannars ousted the shouryangas, and how rajamannar basically went against his own father's rule-book and is now facing dire consequences from bharava, whose tribe has the right to the throne right now. i also love love love loveeeeeee the fact that deva is the rightful heir to the throne - and also also the fact that whether he knows about this or not is left ambiguous. i love how this adds another layer to amma's hatred of khansaar and OH. MY. GOD. chef's kiss i love it.

as a personal taste, i don't like violence and epic fights tm overshadowing the narrative, which i feel the movie does. however, kannada film-making might be different. idk, i havent seen many kannada films other than kantara and kgf. the former is good i absolutely love it - the story is fantastic, the fight scenes are chumma, ufff i can praise it for days. the latter is pretty meh for me.

another thing i love about the movie is.. well, varadha and deva. dude, what is up with telugu guys unintentionally making queer movies these days? what is up with that yallll??? ohmygod. when i tell you that i smelled the romance im not lying. dude. dudeee. the whole friends to enemies to (maybe) friends/lovers arc theyve got going on? oooh baby i can feel the fanfics writing themselves. the whole soaked in blood-fighting-together scene? it was a miracle i wasnt jumping up and down on my seat. the dialogue in that scene 'i have friends more handsome than you' and then varadha getting kinda jealous and shit. lovely. the whole don't touch him thing that deva has got going on - baby boy just kiss him. and man. it's beautiful tragic and im writing a fanfic.

soo yeah this is my rant about salaar. im expecting something from it lol.

#salaar

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vroomvroommbtch · 1 year

Text

Car’s outside - DR x fem!OC

Masterlist

Summary: They hated the distance more than anything in the world, so they finally get to do something about it.

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x fem!OC

Warnings: Fluff af and language bc idk how to write without swearing.

Word count: 3.9k

A/N: Did I spend my whole Saturday writing this? Yes. Was ROC an inspiration somehow? Maybe. I’m obsessed with writing 2018 Dan and Jas? Absolutely. The fact that I finished this is a miracle?? Yes sir. Anyway, hi kids! This one its kind of short but cute af so I hope you like it. I love this two together bc they’re the most wholesome couple in the world. Whatever, hope u like it and let’s pray I get to post again soon lol Let me know what you think?? See ya soon! ♥️✌🏻

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Car’s outside.

July 2018.

London was gloomy. It was yet another grey day waiting for the rain to fall at any given time, but Jas knew what made it even more grey and sad was Daniel’s bags right by the door, waiting for him to grab them and leave. He was going to leave the next morning because he needed to be in Germany for yet another race, which meant just being able to see him through the screen of her phone. It meant no kissing, no touching, no hugging and just thinking about it made Jas feel uneasy.

After almost one month of blissful kind of domestic life, letting each other go for two weeks sounded insane. Damn, it wasn’t even two whole weeks because she was gonna be in Hungary for the last race of the first part of the calendar. She was gonna be there by his side ready to go on vacations with Daniel as soon as his job was done, but it felt awful even if they were going to be two hours' flight from each other. Two hours flight and nine days apart and she was gonna be back in his arms. Nine pathetic long days to be back in her favorite place in the world. To think about that was what made it bearable.

After six months of relationship, Jas was still not used to letting him go. None of them were used to letting each other go. Even if Daniel was used to not spending much time with his family and friends, he was always telling Jas how difficult it was for him too. ‘I just fucking hate letting you go’ was what he said time after time as they covered each other in kisses. There was no better way to describe it, that’s why during that grey night Jas hugged him a bit tighter, trying to not wake him up in the process. His idea of watching a movie turned into Daniel falling asleep half an hour into whatever random movie he picked up. Then that turned into Jas ignoring the movie and putting her focus on her boyfriend. His face was hiding in the crock of her neck, slow breaths hitting her skin and messy curls tickling her. Even when it was the middle of the goddamn summer and outside it was warm and humid, all she wanted was to stay like that forever, with Daniel using her as his pillow. All she wanted was to make the night longer so Tuesday wouldn’t come.

They both knew how things were and that at some point they always had to say goodbye, but this time was especially hard. Everything was a rollercoaster since Monaco. After their love confession that Sunday everything clearly was different. After that day everything was somehow way more intense, that included the sadness of flying back home to Dublin when Daniel had to go to Canada. She hated it. She hated having to kiss him goodbye and the ‘See you again soon’ promise. She hated those long farewell hugs knowing she couldn’t stay there forever. She hated the feeling inside her chest because her whole body was yelling for her to drop everything and stay. After all, that was the right thing to do. But she had to ignore it, take a deep breath, push the knot in her throat to a side all to whisper a shy ‘I love you’ with a sad smile on her face.

But his week in Canada felt somehow short. The nights were terrible and felt eternal, but the afternoons weren’t that bad and the next thing she knew Jas was on her way to the airport to pick Daniel up. After that, they didn’t move from each other’s side. They went from Dublin to France, not just for the race but also to spend her birthday there. After that they went to Austria and thank God she was there not only for his birthday but also to do everything in her power to calm him down after that terrible DNF on Sunday. After that, they went to the UK and that’s where they had been since then.

It was weeks of waking up and going to bed by his side. It was weeks of not being able to bathe alone because Daniel would sneak in the shower with her every single time. It was weeks of waking up with Daniel between her legs or covering her body with kisses and doing the same for him. It was weeks of giggling as they reminded each other to not be so loud because they were in a hotel room, and someone would complain about the noise. Then it was days of almost a normal life in London. It was days of doing the most normal things a couple could do. It was days of making dinner, grocery shopping, getting a text from Daniel saying ‘I’m on my way home’ and knowing he was not talking about a place but about her. It was weeks of being home simply because they were together, not caring about the country they were in.

After all that she didn’t want to move from his side, but she needed to go back home, and Daniel needed to go to Germany, but all that could wait till the next day. She even wanted to leave dinner for a bit later if that included not moving from her place. They were perfectly fitted together on the couch, and she was so comfortable that moving felt like a tragedy. Moving from there left wrong, but she didn’t have much of an option. All she could do was wish time would freeze for a while, but it was nothing but impossible.

“Baby...” Jas called him as softly as possible, running her fingers around his back under his shirt and tangling her other hand in his messy curls. But just like she imagined, all she got in response was a soft groan coming from her boyfriend, which didn’t surprise her at all. “Danny, baby, c'mon, you gotta get up. I gotta go make dinner” she insisted as she kissed his forehead.

If something always worked with sleepy Daniel was the threat of Jas leaving his side. She couldn’t blame him because every time she would do the same. Every time one of them would be asleep, if the other threatened with leaving, they would automatically react. This time wasn’t different. This time, with the threat of Jas leaving his side, Daniel tightened his grip around her waist, making his statement very clear. “Don’t” was all he said, voice so sleepy and raspy that it did nothing but give Jas another reason to stay.

“Can you look at me, sunshine?” Jas asked gently, kissing his forehead once more. And true to his promise of making all her wishes come true, Daniel looked at her. With the sleepiest face and through half-opened eyelids, Daniel moved out of his little shelter and looked at her. And fuck, how she loved him and his handsome face. She could spend hours just looking at him and kissing every inch of his face. She could stay there the whole night kissing those perfect lips and looking at his brown eyes. All that and his contiguous smile and his crazy curls and that tanned skin were her perdition, so she had to do a big effort to focus and talk again. “Dia duit, grà“

“I’ve no idea what the fuck you just said but it sounded sexy” Daniel murmured, running his nose against hers as he slowly moved one of his hands to her ass, just to rest it here as he would normally do.

And like every single time, Jas would smile and steal one kiss as she moved impossibly close to him because it was never enough when it comes to being near Daniel. “Weren't’ you asleep?” she wondered as his fingers slowly moved around her skin. Not that she couldn’t blame him when she was wearing nothing but panties and one of his shirts.

“Yeah, but my sexy girlfriend woke me up” he smirked, knocking the air out of her lungs like every time he did that. Daniel’s smile could convince her of absolutely everything, so she could imagine how that night was gonna end.

“Excuse me, you're the one who abandoned me in the middle of the movie. You’re very lucky you’re handsome and I love you very much” Jas joked, poking his ribs as she tried to sound as serious as possible. She was the one who normally would fall asleep in his arms so she would never blame him for such a thing. Nothing would make her feel better than to know that Daniel could get some rest from to time after such a complicated year, so he could sleep all she wanted. The only problem was when she wouldn’t be able to leave the couch without waking him up because he decided to turn into a human version of a koala.

“Sorry ‘bout that, princess” he murmured, moving his fingers through the elastic of her panties as he kissed his way back to her neck. “I can pay you back for the inconvenient”

It took everything from her to not follow his lead. It took everything to not beg Daniel to fuck her right then and there on the couch as they would normally do. It took even more of her to ignore the way he was getting hard against her leg and especially to not move her hip against him. There was nothing she wanted more than to ride him until the only thing Daniel could remember was her name, but she had to be a grown-up woman and be responsible. She needed to be a grown-up woman even when Daniel was doing his best effort to change her mind with kisses, some gentle bites, and licks on her skin while grabbing handfuls of her ass.

“Later. Now I got shit to do, beauty. Gotta go make dinner” she breathed, biting her tongue as she kept to herself the moan that was threatening to leave her mouth when Daniel kissed the weak spot on her neck.

“Later”. Another bite, another lick, another kiss, another push of their hips together.

It was terribly hard to resist.

“C’mon, sunshine, I gotta feed you. Mike ain’t here to do the dirty job and if I don’t put food in your body, he’ll kill me, and you’ll get hungry and grumpy” Jas insisted, moving her free hand from his back to his chest to rest it there. Having her hand under his shirt wasn’t going to help much to the situation, but she just couldn’t help it.

“We can order. Besides, you’re the one who gets grumpy when you’re hungry”

He knew her well. He knew her too damn well. Six months together and Daniel already knew her like the back of his hand. He knew she would get grumpy if she was hungry, he knew how to put a smile on her face even on the worse days, the way to make her fall asleep when it seemed impossible, how to make her moan as any other man could ever do, how to convince her to stop being mad at him even when she could never really get mad at him. Daniel knew all the weak points on her body to make her beg for more and to leave her breathless. But beyond all, Daniel could make her smile brighter and bigger than anyone in the whole world. He knew the way to her heart better than anyone else in the world and that’s why it belonged to him.

But Jas knew Daniel as well as he knew her, that’s why she couldn’t help but smile when he said those words. “You’re the one who complains every time we order something! You’re the one who says my food's better”

“Cause your food’s always better” he affirmed, and Jas could feel his smile against her skin. No matter where they ordered, no matter to which amazing restaurant they went, Daniel would always somehow smile and say ‘It was alright, but I like your food better’. Jas would always joke and say there was no need to lie to her to get laid that night, but she knew Daniel wasn’t joking. Jas was no chef, she was far from that, but unlike her sister, Jas paid attention to the kitchen lessons Aoife and Esmé gave her during her life. What she did was nothing but basic meals, but Daniel said time after time that he loved it. It took a late-night talk over a couple of glasses of wine for Daniel to admit he loved it simply because it tasted like home. After leaving home so young, after being away from Perth for so much time, and especially after being on the road that much, homemade food was something that he could have counted times, so having that thanks to Jas were like a little privilege for him. That’s why Jas tried to cook as much as possible for him when they were together, even when she was too lazy and order sounded like the best option.

“Then let me go and make you some. It’ll be fast. You can keep napping meanwhile. Plus, I ain’t gonna put on my shorts so you can look at my ass while I go” Jas insisted. But when she felt Daniel’s arms going back to her waist to hug her as tightly as possible, and when his lips just gave her one last kiss and then stayed there, she knew there was something else. “What’s going on, baby?”

It took him a second to talk. She could feel his body against her taking a deep breath, she could feel his breath hitting her neck as it left his lips, but more than anything she could feel the doubt in his body. It was hard to think he was the same guy who drove the fastest car in the world. It was crazy to think he was the one who loved to get scared once in a while just because. But Jas knew that guy was also her Danny. Sometimes it was incomprehensible to think that man on the tv was the same man she loved. He was the same Danny that would come to her in the good days and when the world felt too much and when he didn’t want to see anyone else. That was the same Daniel that Jas could feel was doubting and trying to pick the right words to say to his girlfriend. And knowing him the way she did, Jas just waited. She kissed his shoulder, traced lines on his back, and played with his curls as she waited for him to find the right way to say whatever he needed to say. If he needed time, she had all the time in the world for him. And if that wasn’t enough, she was ready to somehow invent more time for him.

“I just don’t want you to go. Not even to the kitchen for five minutes”

There was the issue.

It happened once in a while. Normally, it happened every time they had to let each other go. They knew it was a normal reaction knowing they will have to be away for more time than they will like to. Normally it was Jas the one who had to be reminded that everything was gonna be alright. Generally, it was Daniel the one who had to hold her and promise things were gonna be fine, but sometimes it was the other way around. Sometimes, like that night, Jas was the one who had to be the strong one and make the promises even when her own heart was breaking just for hearing him.

“Baby, we talked about it. Now it's just nine silly days, but then we’ll figure out the rest after the summer break. Y’know I’m not going anywhere” she stated, repeating the same promise they also made at least once a week. Their little ‘I’m not going anywhere’ was something normal. It was a reminder. It was their promise to each other. It was one of the things that kept them going on the worst days.

“I know” Daniel nodded, kissing her one last time her neck as he moved to his previous place, finally looking at her face. “I just wish you could come with me”

“I don’t want you to go but it’s work, love. It's your job”

“I know that too, J, but I miss you. And it’s selfish but I want you around. I need you around, princess” he confessed, moving his right hand out of her waist to look for her hand.

“I miss you too, you hear me? I miss you every single day that you’re not around. It sucks when we’re not together” she murmured, getting close to giving him a long, sweet, loving kiss. But even when their kiss was over, Jas didn’t move. She stayed right there in her place with their lips touching. “I love you so fucking much that it kills me when you’re away. I spend the days counting the minutes till I can see your handsome face again, y’know? That’s how crazy I am for you”

“Then come with me, baby. And not just the next two races, come with me the rest of the year, baby”. They talked about it too. They talked about Jas joining him, but somehow, they ended up agreeing on talking about it at some point in the future. The excuse was them wanting to go slow and how she was supposed to be helping in Aoife’s flower shop until Jas figure out what she wanted to do next, but truth was, she was nothing but scared. She was so in love with Daniel that it was terrifying and the fact that Daniel was in love with her was also scary. So far that one was the most wonderful relationship she ever had so she was terrified of ruining it by going with him to every single race. The idea of ruining it in any way just petrified her, but she knew she couldn’t keep postponing their happiness out of fear. She couldn’t do it when Daniel needed her. The emotional rollercoaster of leaving Redbull was coming, and Daniel needed his people around him, which included Jas in one of the first positions. She couldn’t postpone it when she needed him too. “I know what you think and you’re not gonna be a burden, J. You could never be one”

That was also one of the things that were stopping Jas. Joining Daniel mean leaving her job -even if it was with her mom and if it was temporary-, and it also mean depending on him until she could find a job that would allow her to travel. She knew money wasn’t a problem, Daniel was the one paying for her plane tickets, and he would give her a look if she would ever try paying for anything, but she didn’t want to be that kind of girl. She didn’t want people to think she was there for the money, she didn’t want his family and friends to think she was there for it. She didn’t even touch the extension of his card he gave her weeks ago, too scared to give that step. She didn’t want to be a burden in his life when he had already too many things on his mind, so she just gave excuses, but clearly, that was the end of it.

“Danny, I-“ she tried to interrupt, but he cut her with another kiss before he kept talking.

“We can talk about that later, but it’s not important” he insisted, bringing their joined hands together to his lips to kiss her knuckles. “I need you by my side, baby. This year’s been fucking crazy and I don’t think I’m ready to live the rest of it without you. And I know I’m asking for a lot, but can you at least think about it?”

Everyone told her to go slow. Everyone told her to take a deep breath and a firm step on her decision when it came to her relationship with Daniel. It wasn’t that her family or friends didn’t like Daniel, in fact, they adore him, but they also knew Jas. They could see how everything was going fast and the last thing anyone wanted was to see her getting hurt. Not that they thought Daniel would do something to hurt her, but the nature of their relationship was complicated. Distance was hard, his job was complicated and what came with it was even more tricky, so the advice everyone would give her was to think about her choices and not jump into it. That would be the advice she would give to her friend or her sister, but everything was out of the window when it came to Daniel. In the heart vs heart fight, her heart would always win and this time it wasn’t different. This time she could even hear her family and friends asking what the hell was she doing, saying how she was insane, and even checking twice if she was sure about her choice. She could hear her mom and dad talking and telling her to not put her life aside for him, but the second she saw Daniel’s eyes everything else disappeared.

There was nothing else besides his big brown eyes looking at her, shining full of love. There was nothing like their joined hands against his chest and how she could feel his heart beating. There was nothing as the expectation written all over his face as he waited for her answer. But beyond all, there was nothing like the way he made her feel. There was nothing as the love, happiness, and safety she felt by his side, so even if everything could go terribly wrong, she decided to take a leap of faith, hoping everything would turn out just fine.

“Alright, I’m coming. But you paying everything’s temporary, you hear me? I don’t want you to-“. But before Jas could even finish what she was saying, she got interrupted again by Daniel’s lips against her. But this time it wasn’t just him kissing her mouth, this time it was kissing all around her face and neck, all while he whispered ‘Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!’ again and again and again. “You’re welcome, but I’m serious, Dan!”

“Money is something that comes with the job and since I earned it I can spend it on whatever I want, alright? That includes bringing my girl with me. There’s no better what to spend it” he smiled, giving Jas his best smile, which normally would convince her of anything on a normal day.

And maybe another day he could convince her, but that night she wasn’t giving up, so she pointed to him with one finger as she talked firmly. “Temporary, okay?”

“Whatever makes you happy, babe” he nodded, kissing her fingertip as he kept smiling.

If he was happy then it was worth the pain.

“That’s what I like to hear. Now as a payback, you can start ordering food and taking your clothes off” she teased, but like every time, for Daniel her wishes were his command.

And if Daniel was happy, Jas was happy too, so it was more than worth the pain.

---

Taglist

@amsofftrack @d0ntjudgemy50shades @a-distantdreamer @honeybadgercomeback

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