lol Ally I’m such a sucker for asking ppl to write lil’ fics from prompt posts like that!! You’re amazing❤️ whenever you get to it, I would love to read anything you write (smutty or not) about George or Ross and Matty sharing clothes. Even all three??? They can share him. Maybe something about their size difference! our little babygirl is pocket sized compared to his big boys!! also I love descriptions of smells and sweat when clothes sharing. Always gets me!

⭐️“are you wearing my shirt?”

Hello Dearest Anon,

Way, way back in the dark ages of August you sent me this lovely ask from the Subtle Smut Sentence Starts Prompts list. I have been very, very vocal about how smut is not something I am very good at writing, and is something that I need to super hype myself up to write because everything just ends up super cringe, awkward and the definition of unsexy. It is something I would like to get better at though! HOWEVER it's always good to push ourselves outside of our creative comfort zones and at least try. On that note, I realized that a ~spicy~ chapter of On a Friday (at least per the outline) is coming up and that means I should probably try and practice this whole smut writing thing some more in preparation. Therefore, here ya have it, some extremely mediocre subpar smut. I apologize for sitting on this ask for so long, and hope that you are 1) still around on the blog 2) that you are at least a *little* amused by this attempt. I am extremely grateful that you took the time to send it and am so extremely sorry for taking so long to finish it. Without further ado, here we go Ally Attempts Smut Part III: Return of the Smut. Thank you for this ask, your support, and letting me know what you think! I hope you have a great week and that being subjected to this attempt at writing smut doesn't make it worse!

WARNINGS: Extremely subpar smut, 18+ content

⭐️ “are you wearing my shirt?”

Matty felt silly, George had only been gone a day and a half, popping up to Manchester to visit his sister while Matty was tethered to London by a meeting at Dirty Hit. Matty knew the entire thing was a ploy by Jamie to try and convince him to reaccept the Creative Director’s position he had stepped down from last summer. Regardless it kept him in London while George was in Manchester and Matty felt absolutely ridiculous for the way that he missed him. He had made two cups of coffee that morning on autopilot, dumping the second cup with almond milk down the drain when he realized George wasn’t there to drink it. 

His meeting had been fine, and through some kind of miracle, he had even shown up on time without George there to lovingly herd him out the door. Jamie had come prepared with a very convincing argument as to why he should accept reinstatement, and the board of shareholders had been in agreement, which Matty hadn’t been expecting. But that didn’t change the fact that he had come home to an empty house, assuring Jamie that he would at least consider the offer. He didn’t want to admit it right away, but he was probably going to accept, the break they had settled into was more boring than he had anticipated it being, and he needed something to occupy his time with George’s production work growing in demand. 

On his way home he had ordered take away for one that he picked at half heartedly, wishing George was there to discuss the proposal. Because it wouldn’t just be taking back his old position, it would be taking on more responsibility, the role turning into less of an honorary title. While Matty was nearly positive he was going to accept, he was still plagued by a wave of self doubt and insecurity. He was sure the career counselors he had been required to meet with as teenager never expected him to succeed, breaking into the music industry and putting out five number one records, let alone that he would end up as a record label executive. 

He ran his fingers through his curls, starting to grow out once again. George constantly told him he liked the gray, but Matty couldn’t help but feel self conscious. He liked getting older, he liked that he was around to get older but seeing the gray in his hair and the lines around his eyes was jarring sometimes, especially when he woke up feeling like he was still lost and seventeen. He shoved the plastic containers  full of leftovers into the refrigerator, maybe he would be hungry later, he thought and headed upstairs. Despite their most recent album aesthetic leaning into suitwear, and Matty having always been partial to a button down, he couldn’t wait to be free of the constricting fabric. 

He hung his blazer up in the closet. He intended to change into his blue Nike hoodie and Adidas track pants. He was alone in the house, there wasn’t anyone to make fun of his mismatched shades of blue, when George’s tee shirt, sitting on the top of the laundry hamper caught his eye. Feeling ridiculous, but he was alone so there wasn’t anyone to tease or judge him, he picked up the shirt. It was a faded pink, a white peace sign across the chest, the shirt, one George primarily wore to his yoga classes three times a week, was oversized even on him. Matty couldn’t help but raise it to his face, the fabric, grown thin from the wash, was soft against his skin as he inhaled the scent of stale cigarette smoke and the comforting musk that he could only describe as George. 

Without thinking, and refusing to consider that maybe it was gross because Matty had just pulled the shirt out of the dirty laundry pile, he tugged it over his head, the fabric instantly enveloping him in the warmth and comfort that was George. The sharp, masculine tang of sweat that clung to the shirt as it brushed the tops of Matty’s thighs, made him feel small and delicate, like he should be cared for. His dick twitched with interest, and Matty found himself palming himself over his boxers, his head spinning at the juxtaposition of his own touch while being overwhelmed by the smell of George, so strong he could taste it in the back of his throat.

He let out a little whine of frustration, his knees shaking as he flopped onto the bed, wiggling out of his boxers as he went. George should be here, he thought. He was hyper aware of the way the fabric of George’s shirt was dragging against his nipples, the way that it was still a little damp, having been peeling from George’s sweaty body and then tossed into the hamper, the moisture becoming trapped among the fibers even two days later. He shivered with arousal, his cock, red and angry, begging for George’s touch curved up towards his belly. He thumbed at the head, gasping as his rough guitarist’s calluses dragged against the sensitive skin, smearing precum down the shaft, his hips squirming off the mattress on their own accord. He rucked up George’s tee shirt towards his chest, pressing down on his belly with his free hand as if trying to hold himself down, the way George did when he was too impatient. 

He moaned, the sound high pitched and performative even if there wasn’t anyone there to hear him. He inhaled sharply, breathing in more of the intoxicated pheromones clinging to George’s shirt and whined again, tightening his grip on his cock, shifting so that he could tug on his balls. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes and he tilted his head back, panting as he continued to touch himself, desperate to pretend it was George’s fingers teasing him. 

“Matty, I’m home!” George called and Matty whimpered, his head swimming as he chased his release, the smell of George overwhelming his senses to the point that he was imagining the sound of his voice. 

George snorted, “I see you started without me, missed me that much love?” he asked, his words light and teasing. Matty’s eyes flew open to see George looming over him, still wearing his overcoat with his backpack slung over his shoulder. 

Matty couldn’t help it, he just whimpered in response, eyes growing dark as George shed his backpack and jacket, tossing them to the floor unceremoniously before kicking off his trainers. 

“Please,” Matty gasped, arching up off the bed so that he could kiss George, pulling him down so that he was pinned under his bulk. He was completely overwhelmed by so much George, George, George as he rutted desperately against his hip while George kissed him, licking into his mouth, tugging on his lower lip like he wanted to consume him fully. 

He came with his face buried into George’s shoulder, biting down on the junction of his neck and shoulder, refusing to be ashamed that he had just come from dry humping George like some kind of teenager.

“Welcome home,” slurred Matty as George rolled off of him, his own erection straining his jeans. Matty would be dealing with that for him as soon as he caught his breath. He was moving into his mid to late thirties now, it took him longer to recover. 

“Good to be back,” said George with a chuckle, propping himself up on his elbow to look at Matty with a frown. “Are you wearing my shirt?” 

TDLR; Why Seigfried Didn’t Work As A Kaiba Expy, He Wasn’t Neurodivergent

Hi everyone! While I’m writing the next chapter and trying to survive Capitalism despite living its real-time collapse (I work two jobs, why chapter production is slow these days), I’d like to make a post like this while it’s still Autism Awareness month. Now, not to say you can’t enjoy the pink haired frilly goofy man. I never have though. I felt like he was a let down after Dartz, who is my favorite villain of Yugioh, I SAID WHAT I SAID. And I’m also saying you can enjoy your villains of Yugioh, and I will enjoy mine. All that out of the way, I would like to dive into an analysis of Seto Kaiba and who I felt were his good expies, Noa/Noah and Alister/Amelda. Anyone who has autism (myself included, I’m not 100% on paper yet but I’ve had multiple doctors agree with me), you know. There’s a Neurodivergence ESP, when you are talking to someone you just Know when someone else just isn’t neurotypical This is based off of their canon, observable in the show behaviors, trying not to lean into anything headcanon unless it slightly grays the area a little. Using dub names but will tag original names later (I just don’t like Amelda as a name...) But first starting with Seto himself, he’s very blunt and impulsive. Which isn’t helped by the fact he’s got a lot of money. So he can act on literally every impulsive thought he has. Man probably filmed that idea to send Duel Monsters cards into space the minute he had it in GX. He’s very egocentric, which a lot of people get confused with his arrogance. Not that he’s not both, but he really genuinely believes that any time his company is under attack, it’s because someone’s trying to take it over. Not that it’s the one sure-fire way to draw him out of hiding, it’s that everyone is out to get him. Always! (as an example, during Season Four his company gets bought out by the villains. He’s convinced this was ALL a ploy to take it over, when really Dartz needs him out in the open because he needs to kill him.) His special interest is Duel Monsters. Literally all his money comes from making electronics and technology specifically for playing his special interest. And he’s richer THAN the person he pays royalties to because Seto doesn’t own Duel Monsters. Pegasus does. All Seto did was invent the technology to play it, and fixing the rules to actually make the game playable (The rules of Battle City were his, after all.) He’s pretty close to being nonverbal, a LOT of Kaiba’s lines are actually thoughts in his head rather than stuff he says out loud, except when he’s delivering snarky comments or talking to Mokuba. He’s got a perpetually weird relationship with the protagonists because he’s not good with social cues or interacting with people in general. Not that he wouldn’t die for them, he’s not good at expressing it though. They’re his friends, but they gotta squint to hear what he’s actually saying. ----- Noah’s is going to be a lot shorter as far as canon behaviors go since we only have a few episodes with him really, and I’d also think of him as having both BPD and autism (which happens co morbidly, around 15% of BPD patients also meet the criteria for having ASD.) (There’s also that they all have some very intense levels of PTSD, but that’s another kettle of horses.) His biggest sign that he’s both is his emotional state of being when we encounter him in his half of Season Three. Not to say that his environment didn’t help him any, but I think it’d just made it more obvious. Both conditions affect mood stability, which cause intense emotions and a grandiose sense of self at the same time. But there’s also a sense of emptiness and a negative impact on self esteem, a diffuse of self (in TVTropes words, he definitely has a Superiority-Inferiority Complex.) Much like Seto, as well, social cues aren’t something he excels in. The idea of anyone being nice to him is confusing, but he really develops one bond (Mokuba), and he convinces himself he needs to die for him and the people he brought into the Digital World. But a few scenes before he steals Mokuba’s body briefly, he can’t comprehend why someone is being nice to him. He thinks he’s being slow and steady with the reveal he’s about to drop on the protagonists of being Gozoboro’s son, but remember that his entire arc is only a few hours of one day in Battle City (when they cut to Yami Marik being like ‘.... Where the hell did everyone go?’), so they’re not really there long before he starts traumadumping and infodumping about his own monsters. He’s so socially deprived that he’s A) going to tell you all what he’s been through because all he wanted was to be loved by someone who couldn’t possibly love him, and B) He’s going to tell you about his niche interest in computer programming to make the world he’s in more interesting, as well as the extremely niche tidbits of information he has about Spirit Monsters and their development in the game of DM. (Remember, the Deck Master system and the rules of their abilities is the stuff he made up. Pegasus still made the Spirit Monsters, don’t let the rules of the Season throw you. They’re using a database of every known card, they’re in a computer, and it doesn’t trip up the rule of Season Four of the Orichalcos. Because it’s being used by one specific cult and no one else. The cards in Noah’s deck, broken effects and all, actually existed in-universe, and given how all of the protagonists had never heard of them until the duel with Noah, despite Solomon owning a Card Shop and there being more in Domino, that means he was into the REALLY obscure cards of the game.) ---- Alister is probably the most neurodivergent of them all, to start he has a very one-track mind ability to hyperfocus. The only thing on his mind ever is getting revenge on Seto Kaiba because he’s the living body still. If Alister COULD kill Gozoboro still, he would. Unquestioningly. He’s got a very strong sense of justice powered by a black-and-white morality way of thinking. He is definitely someone you want in your cult to destroy the world, it takes very little convincing that someone is evil and needs to be destroyed. And he can’t be swayed from his opinions, either. He’s got very intense feelings that are being taken advantage of. He’s got a very declarative memory and trauma dumps with very little prompting. He’s got a comfort item that ties into his traumas, of course. He’s got some odd reactions too and is strangely very naive despite everything (aside from the normal response of ‘Who are you?’, doesn’t seem to question that he’s straight up hallucinating/receiving a mental link directly to Dartz the first time they ever speak. Not a ‘what the hell is going on, what is happening, where did the world go’, ect, ect. Just ‘This person can tell me what happened and who hurt me? Okay.’ ) Alister’s also got issues with social situations, the only friends he has you can count on one hand. And that comes with its own weird rules of That’s Just How They Talk To Each Other. (He does love Raphael and Valon, even saying that he and his ‘new family’ are saving the world.) Also, this one is semi-canon, semi- head canon, hence the disclaimer earlier. He’s got sensory issues and is sensitive to light (he wears sunglasses inside of buildings, and during the nighttime.) And his clothing, at least to me, suggest he gets hot easily but still needs pressure due to an aversion to touch. (His shirt is midriff exposing, but he also has like eight belts and a huge ass trench coat on. And heat intolerance is a littler-known sign of autism) ---- I never got anything that deep out of Seigfried. He really just that butthurt about his company. While my story doesn’t go past Season Four, I know how I’d fix Season Five.

No I wasn't the other anons, but I could be! I mean YES sincaraz exho, but it s not confirmed, from what I gathered...

Anyway, oh if I could write decently I'd give it a tryabut I can't, English is not even my language. But maybe someone will pick the ideas!

Oh and now that you said Luca and Jannik are actualy meant to practice together that opens so many new possibilities!

"your man is really going tough on me, you're sure everything is OK?"

"yeah, yeah... It's probably because he wants to push you, take it as a compliment."

"he gives the the *glare* though..."

"mayyyyybe he's still a bit worked up but it'll pass, I promise. I hope so!"

"you hope so?!"

Also loved the idea that carlitos went ahead of himself and told Luca before speaking with Jannik hahaha ha he really seems like the person who acts first and thinks later.

"baby I promise he won't tell anyone! I mean, he never spoke about myself and he was the first to know."

"you just had to bring that up didn't you?"

"sorry"

All in good spirits I would think.

"I only want you. Always."

- 🇪🇦🇮🇹🇮🇹

Here I am again!! I'll answer both of them in one go, because at this point it's probably simpler this way ahsnsksj

The jealousy theme seems to be a continuing theme in Carlitos' life and our conversations, and I have a couple of things to add on that (under the cut because this is probably gonna get long ajshsksj)👀

I'll start off by saying that THIS DIALOGUE TOO IS SO ON POINT. "You just had to bring that uo didn't you" - "sorry" ASJSKSSK i definitely can picture them!! Obviously all in good spirits, Jannik would never get mad at Carlitos for something like this and even if he did, Carlitos has a couple of powerful aces up his sleeve that can get him forgiven ajjsksksk

AND I READ THAT FIC (shocking, I know) and I LOVED IT (even more shocking, I know). When I read it I was wondering if Jannik would actually be up for a ploy like that, because he didn't really strike me as the type, but the more time passes the more convinced I get that Jannik is not as angelic as we think lmao AND that he can be a very jealous person (I know that I sound boring but I'll die on this hill), so a reverse version of that fic with Carlitos being the one to make Jannik jealous would work!! And Luchino, with all the history and the ifs and maybes, means added drama, so... why not?

BUT THIS GETS ME TO THE INTERESTING (I hope) PART OF MY ANSWER, which is what is going on in Alicante (or well, what was going on there in the past week). So some days ago I found an interesting article in an italian newspaper about Jannik's training in Alicante that featured a small interview to Francesco Passaro (another young italian player who was there to train with Jannik and that you've probably seen on Jannik's Insta a couple of days ago) and to OUR DEAR LUCHINO. This article offered me two important pieces of information:

Luchino left Alicante earlier than planned because he twisted his ankle and decided to come back to his hometown in Italy, so that's why we never had any content about him and we didn't see him training with Jannik (which is such a shame for so many reasons!!). Well it's not breaking news at this point, because - again- I'm so late, but at the time it was since no content about him in Alicante was coming up lol

Luca said (and here I quote):"Jannik and I have always got along, we are friends. Nowadays, since we speak the same language and I have spent some time with him, I feel closer to him than to Carlos Alcaraz".

SO!! WE HAVE UPDATES!! WE HAVE LUCA SAYING THAT HE AND JANNIK ARE FRIENDS!! THAT HE PREFERS JANNIK OVER CARLITOS NOW!! This is gold. This interview is more than I hoped for when I wrote that post about Luca and Carlitos that started all of this. But at the same time it kinda destroys all of our theories aksjsksjs From how I see it, there are two possible scenarios here:

It's the truth, so the ship (relationship or friendship, you decide) between Carlitos or Luca has kind of sunk, so Luca is definitely not harboring feelings for Carlitos anymore. BUT at this point I could already imagine a scenario where Luca doesn't get injured, stays in Alicante and Jannik, after finding out that Carlitos and his childhood friend have drifted apart, try to get them to talk again (not jealousy involved this time, he just tries to do something nice for his new friend and his bf)

Luca is kind of lying, things are worse than we expected and he is still hopelessly in love with Carlitos, so he said that to make Carlitos jealous (or in general he said it "bitterly" - not in a bad/malicious way tho, because I absolutely can't think of my baby boy trying to make Jannik and Carlitos break up, but that would definitely spicy things up aksjksks).

You know, the possibilities we have here are endless. AND TO MAKE IT EVEN MORE INTERESTING (and it's the last thing I'm gonna say here because this is getting long) there is a video that I'd like to point out to you. You've probably already have seen this, but it's Carlitos celebrating the winning goal of the annual JFC academy football match with Flavio Cobolli, yet another italian player (he played Luca in the Next Gen Finals and lost btw lol), the actual italian player Carlitos trained with this week (aside from Jannik of course). Soooo Carlitos jumping into his arms during the match? The same match that Jannik didn't partecipate in (but he could have, if he had wanted to)? THIS could get interesting too. This calls for other theories. This calls for Carlitos and Jannik making each other jealous with the help of Flavio and Luca without realising the other is doing the same thing (a scheme that might lead to Flavio and Luca falling in love with each other too? This is a complete random crackship I've just come up with, BUT WHY NOT?). This calls for Jannik pining so hard and bugging Luca about it. This opens the door to so many possibilities I won't list here because my head is starting to spin, but!!

Tbh I feel myself being drawn in by your analysis and perspectives on twst rather than your general headcannons and one shots (no criticism on your writing at all btw! Your writing is absolutely lovely and I could go on a rant on how much I love it-which I am now seriously considering) nothing compares to opening up tumblr and getting a huge surge of dopamine when you post a personal thought. The quality and the manner in which you articulate your thoughts so sophisticated and well written, your points just glide right off the page. Even thought I might not necessarily agree with all your points personally, I still feel excited to read up on whatever you post because it’s such a deep dive into a character’s motivations, personal issues, etc. or how a ploy should have functioned that I find myself convinced by the ending of the post and agreeing with you. And even if I have seen a certain point before stated by someone else, hearing you go into your own personal reasons and often going into even more detail than other people i have seen before makes my heart pound out of my chest istg; everytime an new event comes around I immediately start waiting for your thoughts and what you enjoyed and what you think would be improved. You’re such a fantastic writer and I wish I could find the words to give the praise you deserve. ahahaha….i hope that didn’t come off as too intense or fanboyish..

Uwawawawawawawawah… (〃▽〃) Thank you very much, Anon!!!

It’s not every day when I receive such lengthy and detailed feedback for my work, so I really appreciate it!! I actually really like receiving asks like this, as it gives me something substantial and meaningful to chew on, reflect on, and incorporate into my writing as I move forward.

I’m happy that you’re enjoying both my creative writing and my more analytical/theory posts (I’ve been doing more of the latter lately because I’ve been busy with irl things 😅)! Depending on my mood, sometimes I find analysis and theory posts more entertaining to write than creative pieces are.

I’ve always been an advocate for being critical of the media one consumes, and that means sharing thoughts and inviting differing opinions in so that everyone comes out of it with something new. It also means being okay with constructive criticism—realizing that you can love something while also being unhappy with aspects of it and wishing for better. You don’t necessarily need to overanalyze everything to enjoy it, but I find that doing so brings entire new worlds’ worth of meaning to me. Analysis is what I personally choose to do (others may not and just wish to enjoy the franchise casually, which is equally as valid).

I just hope that by mindfully sharing my own thoughts and rambles, I can impart some of that wisdom onto the TWST fandom at large. I want to encourage intellectual discussion about the characters we love and how the lessons TWST teaches us can apply to the real world. I want to open minds to the possibilities that the rich world of Twisted Wonderland has to offer.

I’m always eager for new content 😌 and I’m just as eager to word vomit my thoughts on that new content out. jxhsvsjsbjwns I didn’t realize that people (like you, Anon!) actually looked forward to it; I feel like I mainly make posts on new content for my own records (so I can retroactively look at it later and wonder “what was I thinking back then???”)… but I’m happy that my ramblings were noticed and deemed to have value.

Maybe I really am making a little bit of a change through my writing 😌 Maybe… my words really have reached someone.

What a nice thought~

Holy crap. I've had Xbox LIVE for 15 years.

I've just learned about the 15th anniversary of Xbox's "Summer of Arcade", which is the gaming sale of a lifetime for those that never heard of Steam sales before. But, for only six years, it featured some of most popular and highly acclaimed games at the time including Braid, "Splosion Man, and my favorite, Dust: An Elysian Tail. Obviously this post won't be about that stuff; this one's about my Xbox LIVE history. So, let's go.

Summer of 2007, a month after my 13th birthday. I was in contact with one of my classmates as we were holding up until the school year started and he yearned to convince me to join Xbox LIVE. Thing is, I was hesitant on even composing an online account due to privacy concerns and pricing (in terms of needing a credit/debit card) at the time. But I eventually discovered the world of gift cards as a bypass to those credit cards and jumped right in. Now, this isn't the first time I've had an online gaming experience; prior to Xbox LIVE, I've played online games on the PS2 and had some memorable moments there. But playing video games with a friend from a distance was a more extraordinary time.

When I started to play with random players, I expected a similar experience during my times with the PS2. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening. The players were verbally callous and short-tempered, even when I tried to have an insightful conversation. It phased me at first but I learned to tough it out since the idea of playing online progressively became more interesting because of IRL friends. With them, I've had some hilarious moments playing games online.

Continuing with my time on Xbox LIVE, I learned about digital releases of games purchased with the discontinued Microsoft Points. This is where the gift cards come into play again. So I got a bunch of games like Geometry Wars and Assault Heroes. This is where I first started to like the idea of buying games without going to the store.

I wanted all sorts of games in the marketplace, so bad that I would do anything to have them. That's how I stumbled upon one of the biggest scams on the Net: Microsoft Points generators. These used to be all the rage simply for the fact that they promised you free Microsoft Points. I download one of these generators, entered the credentials it asked for and...nothing. I was made a fool by this generator as I didn't receive any free points. Well, I could've been worse: I could've had my account stolen. There were real reports of that, too. These generators were mainly a "hacking" ploy that somewhat worked considering how gullible people were back then. Mind you, I was a teen so my choices weren't so sound. This managed to get Microsoft's attention, leading to a rewards program where you perform some tasks, like using the Bing search engine, to safety obtain points for free. And it's still used to this day.

Going back into playing with friends, I still kept in contact with them through Xbox LIVE while transitioning into high school. Some few months going in, I've noticed some changes in them. One of them in particular was so bothered by my tastes in videogames, I ended up demanding me to play the same games as he (typically, these were shooters. Yeah, the Call of Duty craze at the time.). Now, I've no problem with first-person shooters. I used to hate them because of having to move around in first person and aiming manually. But, that's literally all he plays compared to me playing a variety since childhood. Then, I had to put up with his insults and reluctantly played with him. I felt like lost some self-respect and wondered "why the hell am I still friends with him?" At least I had a better time with the friends I made I'm high school, but I was so emotionally charged about my other "friends", I couldn't even enjoy myself as well as I wanted. So, I finally cut those so-called friends out of my life after graduation. Never felt so free in a while.

Nowadays, I play Xbox LIVE less often since I've been PC gaming full-time if that makes sense to say. I only ever play with online friends. Plus, I have way better gaming peers I met in college. Wonder what great memorable times I'm gonna have in the future?

Tuesday 29th August 2023, 05:48am

I've been trying to figure out a way to start writing my next post to you for a couple days now. I keep coming back and writing and then deleting everything. Right now, I just want to sigh very deeply. Things are just.. I don't even have a word to describe them, I just want to do a big sigh.

I'll start off with some nice stuff. London was lots of fun, Joji was amazing. I'm gonna attach some pictures of the concert and places I went and just some other random pictures of my trip. My little mini holiday started with something really cool actually, I laughed when it happened. I went to check in at the airport (cause I had a checked bag and I hate doing it online when I have one of those) and I give the guy my passport and stuff, tell him my name, where I'm going etc. And he just goes "Oh.. how about that" and immediately I'm looking at him like 👀 how about what? What does that mean? And I start panicking thinking my flights delayed or cancelled or I booked the wrong fucking date or something. And he just says "Well it says here 'Thank you for flying with BA, enjoy your upgrade' so it looks like you've been upgraded". I swear to you E, I looked at the man like he'd grown an extra head LOL. I was all like "is this some like.. ploy to get me to pay for an upgrade? Cause it's not happening lol" and he's like "nope, you've already been upgraded, you're in business class now, you get extra luggage allowance, here's your boarding pass, go to priority security and head on up to the lounge for free drinks and food". So I just stood there and laughed and shook my head and asked him if he was serious, and he absolutely was. Thank god for the extra luggage allowance btw, because I had absolutely overpacked. I think I always worry I won't have enough or that the weather will suddenly change or something and I won't be prepared. Which, is actually a very valid fear when you live in the UK lol.

So.. I went on up, went through priority security.. and I got fucking stopped didn't I? I sat there like "shit what did I leave in my bag? Did I not do my liquids right?". The guy pulled me over.. and it turned out it was my dad's jacket that they had flagged. He passed his leather jacket down to me, his proper real leather biker jacket. It's too big on me, but I love it and I really wanted to take it with me. Now.. I'm not sure if I said before or not.. but my dad was a fond man of the devils cabbage. So I *immediately* started panicking, thinking there was some hidden pocket I hadn't found that had some in it.. or that he'd just stuffed some in the lining or something, because that was a very my dad thing to do, I honestly wouldn't have put it past him. So I'm standing there, watching this guy look through all the pockets and almost fucking sweating at airport security lmfao. Then he just goes "ah okay, our scanner just didn't like the zips for some reason" then he SWABS it and my backpack and I was like OKAY YEAH I'M ABOUT TO BE DETAINED LOL. But it came back fine, he handed me my stuff and off I went to find the fancy lounge. I literally looked up at the sky as I walked away and I laughed and was like "fuck you". I'm honestly convinced that was my dad totally fucking with me, just playing a prank on me and winding me up like he always loved doing. He'd have been pissed himself laughing at me.

God, I just realised how much I typed already, jesus. This might be long, because I'm sure you're aware of this by now, but I tend to ramble and drabble on about stuff. I'm sorry I just.. idk, I like giving you as much detail as possible, I like fully explaining things to you like we're actually having a conversation and not just writing letters to one another, it's just.. nice and I just want these to be like.. totally organic and not heavily edited or anything. I just wanna talk to you like I normally would.. if that makes sense. I hope it does.

So I managed to find the lounge, went and sat myself down, I had like.. an hour and a half before my flight so I grabbed this wrap thing and there was free drinks including alcohol so of course I poured myself one lol. I sat there in a nice comfy booth by myself, charging my phone, eating this tasty random wrap I picked up and drinking expensive whiskey, all because I could thanks to the random free upgrade I got. I then went and got on the plane (I was one of the first to get on too) and oh my god I had so much room. I was sat on the aisle and there was a table between me and the person in the window seat, I could properly stretch my legs out and everything. It was.. amazing. And then we took off and we got drinks and stuff brought to us. And ACTUAL food on ACTUAL plates with ACTUAL cutlery. Let me tell you, I was absolutely fucking AMAZED hahaha. I think the flight attendants could definitely tell that I had never experienced that before. I was like a kid in a candy shop haha. They gave me a gin and tonic with my little plate of food, which was SO fucking good too. And then came back and asked me if I wanted some CHAMPAGNE. So I was like UH FUCK YEAH OF COURSE I WANT CHAMPAGNE hahahaha. And it came in a REAL glass. Honestly, I've never experienced anything like that before on a plane and honestly, coming back home in economy sucked after having that lol.

I got there all good and my bag came through almost right away so I wasn't fucking about at the airport for ages, I hopped in an Uber and went to my uncles. It was really warm and the drive took a while because of traffic (I also was going from one end of London to the other tbf, but I was far too tired and warm to be dealing with the London underground, I also hate getting the tube when I have a case with me, people just look at you and give you the dirtiest looks). The first evening I was there was super chill and low-key. Me and my uncle nipped around to his local pub which was only 2 minutes around the corner from his place, we had a couple drinks together and actually bumped into a Scottish guy who was there on his own, we got chatting to him and he was quite cool. Him and my uncle were talking about being teachers and me and him had a chat about music and stuff. He didn't stay long though, but it was nice to talk to someone from the same country I am when I was away from home haha.

The next day was the Thursday which was the day of the concert and I basically had the flat to myself all day. My uncles flatmate (who is also his ex partner who I've known since I was a kid, they're still really good friends though and still live together) was gone to see family and my uncle was going to see friends on the coast that day, so we had breakfast and coffee together before he left. I chilled in the morning, put some music on and just.. enjoyed the sun. I had the balcony door wide open and just sat there playing music and relaxing. It was the most chilled out I'd felt in months. I ended up picking up my uncles guitar and playing that for a little bit too. I'm so fucking rusty haha. I hadn't played for quite a long time, so I was trying to remember stuff but some things just came back to me, like total muscle memory almost. It was so badly out of tune too but I just tuned it up by ear, I'm still really glad I can do that. It was just really nice to have that little bit of time before I had to get ready for the concert and make my way across London again. But I did and I actually met up with someone from the discord server we first met on! A guy called Zach from London and his girlfriend. Me and him are still friends and have been for years, but I'd never met his girlfriend before. She was so nice, she even got me water when I thought I was dying of heat stroke at the concert lol and I had a really cool day with both of them. It was just soooo busy and sooooo fucking warm at the concert. So much so I ended up buying a fucking hat lol. I don't ever wear hats, but I really needed one. Even when I had sunnies on. I ended up buying a t-shirt too, which I'm actually wearing right now. I ended up I was so warm and drank soooo much water, genuinely thought I was gonna keel over at one point, but I was okay and I had fun.

The support acts I didn't really know, but they were quite good. I really enjoyed the first support, he was really funny and really got the crowd involved. Omg and he sang Gary Come Home from SpongeBob hahahahaha. I was absolutely pissing myself laughing when he did that, but it was a good rendition hahaha. Then obviously Joji came on and I was absolutely in my element. He was amazing. He sang one of my favourite songs first too. He actually sang quite a lot of my favourites of his, and even some old ones too, and I mean like.. songs from his SoundCloud days. It was really great. And there was two fucking mosh pits haha! He basically paused the concert halfway through and went off stage, then came back on and him and his hypeman or whoever started doing a fucking DJ set in the middle of the concert hahaha. They also had a Jack Sparrow lookalike competition on stage and called it a Jack Off lmfao. Oh and they literally brought out a blackjack table too and started playing that hahaha. You could tell he really wanted to appeal to all of his fans and wanted to make people laugh, FilthyFrank and Pink Guy are absolutely still in there haha. I honestly had such an amazing time at the concert. Getting out was an absolute pain though, they stopped and started us all leaving so many times and had like.. police blocking off entrances and stuff for no reason other than it was busy. I remember getting asked where I was going about four times and I was just like "um.. to get the tube home? Same as everyone else?" Lol.

The Friday I was there was more low-key. I stayed at the flat and chilled with my uncle for a few hours before I got ready and headed into Soho. I ended up going to a pub my uncle recommended me and had a few drinks. I got talking to two older ladies who were really nice and let me sit with them and chatted away to me. I also met up with a friend who had moved down to London once they finished work and we had a couple drinks there too, before we moved on to a different pub that I'd been told about. I really liked that second pub, it's actually apparently really well known and a lot of famous people go there. But I didn't see any famous people haha, or not ones that I knew anyway. My friend recognised a relatively famous ex-manager of one of the biggest Scottish football teams though in the first pub we went to and I made them take their picture with him lol. Well, I say I made them, they were like "should I ask for a picture?" And I just whipped my phone out and was like "excuse me, hi, you were just talking to my friend, do you mind if they have a picture with you?" And the guy was happy enough to do it. We then ended up having a walk around and going to another couple of bars. So many people instantly gravitated towards me because of my accent and kept telling me how amazing it was and I was just like "it is?" Hahahaha. I didn't stay out too late though, I was still tired from the concert the day before and I think I was home and in bed by like.. 1am haha.

The Saturday I just went around some places locally to my uncle. There's a cool little old cemetary nearby him that they're doing a lot of restoration works on, but you can still walk through it. So I had a wander through there, it was really nice. I then found this nice little cafe and had some lunch there before I went back to my uncles place. He'd gone out and his flatmate was still away, so I just chilled and listened to some music again, before I had some dinner and then I got ready and went to a goth club that night haha. My uncle had got back before I went out and he was telling me how he'd been to the same club I was going to before, but it was back in the 80's and was telling me stories and stuff while I did my makeup. We also had a little drink together before I headed out and it was nice. We're really similar personality wise and he's honestly really cool. We sat and listened to The Cure and Cocteau Twins and Lebanon Hanover and Siouxsie and stuff like that while I got ready and we drank together. Then I went off to the club MYSELF might I add. That was a really big thing for me, going to a place like that alone. But I ended up I just got a drink, found myself a seat near the dancefloor and just chilled for a bit. Again, I ended up opening my mouth at some point, I think I was ordering myself a drink, and some girl asked me where I was from and said she liked my accent. I told her and we ended up chatting for a while. She introduced me to her friends and I ended up tagging along with them for the rest of the night. They were all really nice and took me under their wing and we even took pictures together haha. I got drunk with them and danced with them to music similar to what me and my uncle listened to before I went out haha. I got really excited when Depeche Mode came on and basically just put myself right in the middle of the dancefloor haha. I have a tendency to do that when I'm drunk lol. I didn't get home til 5am, I had been having that much fun haha. The club didn't close til 6am too, so I really could have stayed until then if I wanted to haha.

The Sunday was just really chill, we went for some lunch and we chilled in the flat, I was a little hungover so my uncle just told me to relax and take it easy. I had been really busy tbh, so it was only natural I started feeling it a bit by the Sunday. I also ended up getting bitten on my arm and shoulder by mosquitoes or something on my first day there and by this point the bites were really itchy and irritating, so I kept having to put stuff on them to soothe it. I ended up I sat and talked to my uncle til about 9 o'clock before I got really tired and went to go crash out early. I woke up really early the next day and had to pack everything away for leaving that afternoon lol. It was sad saying goodbye to my uncle, cause he's one of my favourite family members and he really sympathises with me on the bullshit with my mother. He was really shocked when I was telling him all about how she'd been acting when my dad was sick and when he passed. She actually hadn't spoke to me for like.. 3 weeks after her birthday at the start of July. She didn't even send me a text on the day of my dad's funeral. Not a word. Didn't hear from her for like another 2 weeks after that. It's actually been like a month since she's even made any kind of attempt at contacting me. She's just.. she's really shown her true colours with all this and it's sad, because I feel like I've lost and I'm grieving for both parents almost. Just in different senses of the word, I guess. It's a whole thing spanning years, I won't get into it cause this post is long enough. She's just not a very nice person and I'm slowly starting to realise that, when I used to idolise her. It just hurts.

I was supposed to get home at like.. 6pm on the Monday evening, but our plane ended up delayed by 2 hours so I didn't get picked up by my sister at the airport until like 8pm. There was some issue with the planes navigation system that didnt happen until we got to the runway and were just about to take off. So we sat there for like.. an hour, while they tried to fix it. They managed to sort it out.. but then we had to return to the stand because they had wasted all the fuel just sitting there lmfao. So I was just like ok lol we're not going anywhere anytime soon, put my headphones in and just chilled. They refueled the plane and eventually we were on our way. I didn't get any fancy drinks or food this time, just a bottle of water and a bag of pretzels that tasted really bad hahaha. I got off the plane and, as usual for me because I always seem to have shit luck when I land at Glasgow airport, we'd landed at the furthest possible gate and had to walk aaaaaaaaall the way through the airport to the baggage carousels and so I could leave. Then there was an issue with them too. No one knew where our bags were lol. And then suddenly we were being called through to the other room which had one carousel thing. Another 2/3 flights landed at the same time as us and the baggage people put ALL of the bags from ALL of the flights on one belt. It was fucking chaos. And there ended up being a massive pile up of bags and the airport people had to press the emergency stop button. It was just a total fucking clusterfuck lol. They said that one was only supposed to be for the Dublin flight, but apparently the baggage people just went "lol no" and put all the bags on the one. Luckily, I could literally see my bag just before the pile up, so I managed to grab it (after I made sure I wasn't gonna make anything worse) and quickly make my way outside where my sister was there ready to pick me up.

I got home and had a long ass shower and just relaxed for the rest of the night. I was off work the rest of the week, so I didn't have to do anything and took my time doing laundry and unpacking and getting back into a routine a bit. I'm actually still off work right now, before I went away, me and my manager had like.. a little meeting thing. She was concerned that I hadnt had enough support at work because I'd had loads of time off dealing with stuff with my dad etc. So she wanted to like.. restart me? If that makes sense? So I took some holidays and some unpaid leave (begrudgingly, but she said it would do me best) and I'll start back from my training weeks on Monday 4th September. She thinks if I have all my training again and have a proper chance and a proper start at things without the stresses of having to look after dad or any of the other stuff I'd had to deal with, that it'll make me feel more supported and I'll do better this time around. I'm not really sure how I feel about it, cause I kinda feel like it's being forced upon me against my will? But I kinda need the job and they do keep saying it's for the best so.. I'm not gonna argue with them too much about it. Especially if they really are just trying to support me. It just means I'll be able to fly through all my training and stuff and hopefully get really good marks on all my assessments if I remember everything haha.

So um.. now comes the kinda bad part. The bit that's been making me want to just.. *big sigh*. The weekend after my dad's funeral, my aunt was pretty insistent on coming to see me. I was kinda like wtf why? This is my aunt on my mum's side btw, the one who I'm close with and who really understands my situation with my mum and stuff (and really does not agree with how she's treated me at all). She also lives with my gran, who is my mum's stepmum, but she's always just been my gran cause her and my grandad had been together since the late 70's until he passed away in 2020. So.. yeah.. I was a bit worried as to why she wanted to come over and I had asked her if it was important. She turned up at my door like 20 minutes later, telling me that it was and she wasn't going to stay long, but she just didn't want to tell me over the phone or anything, she wanted to tell me in person. Immediately, I panicked. And I was right to. My gran had been sick for quite a few months. Unexplained weight loss, loss of appetite and energy and stuff, some other really weird things that they couldn't explain. They did so many tests and scans and everything and they couldn't find anything. That was, until she had another follow up scan the week before and they called her with the results a couple days after my dad's funeral. My aunt just wanted to give me a couple more days, because she knew I was already upset, that's why she waited to tell me. But um.. yeah.. what they told her is that she has pancreatic cancer. My aunt started telling me this, telling me that they were looking at all available treatment options and that surgery was potentially going to be happening and stuff. The whole time I just stood there staring at her in complete shock. All I kept thinking to myself was "really? Again? Already?". This is now the fourth close family member of mine to have cancer. My stepmum who passed in 2014 (it was actually her anniversary yesterday on the 28th, my first one without dad), my grandad (my grans husband) who passed in 2020, my dad who got sick really suddenly and passed this year.. and now my gran.. so soon after my dad. I really got upset. I can't remember much of that evening because I think I just broke down. They've basically said that they're going to do this really intensive and strong round of chemo to try and get rid. They may also be doing surgery to remove things too. Unfortunately though, this chemo and surgery plan is like.. a one time deal. So it HAS to work. If it doesn't then.. I don't wanna think about the "if it doesnt" right now tbh. I dont know if I'm strong enough to. She started her chemo on 17th August while I was away, but I've been texting and calling, checking in on her and stuff, seeing how she's doing, even while I was away. She's been okay, but over the weekend just gone, she was feeling really sick and dizzy, not eating much or drinking, they nearly took her to hospital because she was dehydrated, but thankfully she's perked up again. She's eating and drinking and feeling a little bit better. She has to get the chemo treatment every 2 weeks and she gets 6 treatments. So there's 5 more to go. I hope her body gets used to it and she doesn't feel as bad as she did over the weekend just past again. But if she does? I'll go help her if I need to. I haven't been able to see her since I got back because I got sick with a cold or flu or something again, so I didn't want to risk passing it on to her, especially when she's going through that and her immune system is already low.

I've been feeling a bit down since I got home too, I'll be honest. This town is just.. it's so shit, there's nothing here and it's honestly just.. bleh. That's the only way I can explain it. I haven't been seeing people much either. I just feel like everyone's too busy for me. I try and reach out and make plans and stuff, but everyone's just.. idk if they're busy or just cba with me. I really hope it's not the latter. But it's kinda shit. Considering everything I've been through this year and am still kinda going through. I also keep thinking more about saving up and moving away from this shithole town I grew up in. I just want to move somewhere where there's more to do or a better life to be had or where there's more opportunities. Idk, it's definitely something I might look into. But right now, I need to be there for my gran, get started with work again and just.. breathe a bit. I can think about all that bigger picture stuff soon. I just need to look after myself and my gran and just.. idk have some kind of normality for a little bit I think.

I really hope you're doing okay too. I hope your doctor's appointments have been going well. I swear to god, if they don't let you keep the piece of your rib that they cut out, I will come over there and I will riot lol. It's your fucking rib, they better let you keep it! Haha. I'm glad you managed to figure out the monitor thing too, that would have honestly driven me mental. I think I'd have also went a bit crazy with that going on, I'm sorry you ended up getting migraines and stuff from it, that really does not sound fun at all. I really hope you're feeling a bit better though and that you've been able to have some good times and some good rest too, considering you've had a lot go on this year too, with all your health stuff and having to move back home and stuff. It seems like we've both had really busy and stressful years so far. Let's hope that the rest of the year is nice and uneventful and has some happy things for us both, I really honestly do hope that for both me and you. We both deserve a bit of a break, let's face it. If I could, I'd come steal you away for a few days so we could have a break together. We could maybe go to Tasmania and you could show me those little markets and stuff you talked about before. That would be really nice I won't lie.

Oh, I also had a dream about you a few nights ago. It was only like a two second thing, but we were standing in a shop and you were laughing at me cause I wanted to buy peanut M&M's? Lol idk why but you were like "Don't you know what they put in those things?!" and I was genuinely so confused and just wanted peanut M&M's lol. It was one of those ones where I woke up and was like "huh?" Hahaha. You weren't being mean or anything, you were saying it more in like a.. jokey concerned way it seemed.

I really really hope you're doing good, E. I really can't wait to hear from you again. And I'm sorry that this is so bloody long. I guess I just wanted to tell you everything and do it justice, tell it like I would if I was sat here talking to you in person or on the phone or leaving you a voicemail or something. Idk it just feels better than way.

I had woke up and couldn't get back to sleep when I started writing this, but now I'm starting to get tired again. It's 7am here now, but I think I could probably get another couple of hours sleep. Hopefully. My sleep hasn't been too good since I got back home again. Probably because I don't really have anything to do during the day other than things around the house etc. So I end up getting bored and napping. Which isn't good but sometimes I just get so cosy lol. I wish I had a cat like Chonky to snuggle up with and nap. I hope she's doing good too. Please give her some pets and scritches from me. Belly rubs too, if you're feeling like a gambling man.

I really look forward to hearing from you, E. I hope you like the photos and stuff of my trip to London.

"If you ever go, all the songs that we like will sound like bittersweet lullabies"

P.S, it was only gonna let me upload one video, so I put them all up on my YouTube. There's a couple different ones, but here's the link for one of them, you can have a look at the rest if you like

and heres the pictures..

OK I've gotten through the 7 stages of grief, here are my arguments for and against Han Seo and his 'betrayal'

I do think it’s possible that Han Seo just decided to betray Vincenzo, though i don’t like the thought and I hope this isn’t the case. The greatest evidence for it is the way he acts. The way he reacted to Vincenzo pulling the gun on him did not seem faked, nor did his reaction to Mr Han’s smug announcement that he had found a way to off Vincenzo. It is worth noting that we do see what appears to be a moment of hesitation on his part before he enthusiastically praises Mr. Han for covering all their bases. For the last part of the episode all of Han Seo’s behaviour says that he’s betrayed Vincenzo for real (right down to him not telling Jipuragi squad about Mr Han’s promotion), but that doesn’t really mean anything if you argue that it’s all part of a wider plan, and that he’s just acting. So besides just taking his actions at face value, there’s also the point that there is no point to it being a plot? Like what do Vincenzo and Han Seo stand to gain from staging a betrayal and having Vincenzo get shot in front of Interpol?? What would the benefit of that be? (Edit: OK so someone told me that it might be to delay interpol deporting vincenzo so that they could work on clearing his name, and that gives a lot of support to the theory of it being a plot) Please enlighten me if I'm missing something here because it seems to me that the only entity that benefits from everything is Babel, as now their biggest pain in the neck is gone. This gives Han Seo every reason to actually betray Vincenzo, especially since it was in a setting where he felt backed up (Interpol waiting in the wings). He’s managed to take back the chairman position, oust his brother, and his right hand man (Mr. Han) is the chief prosecutor. Technically he doesn’t need Vincenzo to ensure his safety anymore, nor does he really have to keep helping him by leaking info, since it’d be fighting against his own company now. Plus Vincenzo already seems to have a plan in place, which he entrusted to Cha Young earlier in the episode. Not to mention Vincenzo getting shot, and how genuinely shocked he seemed. So perhaps Han Seo really will just be another example of how greed corrupts the best of intentions, a second Prosecutor Jung. Unless all of it is a ploy on Han Seo's part?

Which it might well be bc nothing is ever as it seems with this drama, so here are some points on why Han Seo’s betrayal might not be as simple as that.

Firstly we've seen so much character development for Han Seo, and it seemed like at some point the drama really began to try to endear him to us. He's clumsy, he's not very bright, he's funny, he's the underdog, we pity him and want him to succeed. We see him join up with Jipuragi squad, we see his quest to be liked and to come out of the shadow of his brother and his abuse. He’s flawed, but we grow attached to him, and we like him. Of course, you can argue that all this is to make the betrayal hurt even more later on. But just like the NIS director's buildup as a trustworthy character from the beginning was a good basis for assuming he wasn't on the wrong side, this could be the case for Han Seo too (though whether or not his character was ever built up as trustworthy is debatable). Prosecutor Jung’s betrayal already showed us that we can’t trust anyone, so why give us that again using Han Seo?

Secondly, that first hockey scene and how much Han Seo has come to idolize Vincenzo. We see how happy he is in the scene where they play hockey together, and how lighthearted their chatting is. We even get Is This Love played during the scene (lol). Han Seo is playful around Vincenzo in a way he can’t really be with anyone else, and from what we’ve seen, he really values that. I mean, look at the way he skated around like a gleeful child after Vincenzo left, and the way he called out grazie after him. As well as their interactions in the previous episodes, like when 80s Han Seo appears to brag about how he risked his own safety to save Geumga Plaza. Before the last 15 minutes of this episode Han Seo is a huge Vincenzo fanboy, and you can argue that he wouldn’t suddenly do a 180 like that. There’s also the fact that Vincenzo said he would kill Han Seo only if he betrayed him. The fact that that was the only condition he gave makes it even more significant if Han Seo has actually betrayed him. It having been said that that was the one thing he shouldn’t do, why would he go ahead and do just that? I mean, you could argue that Vincenzo mentioning betrayal was foreshadowing, both for Han Seo’s actual betrayal and thus his eventual death, but we’re trying to look on the bright side here lol Edit: ok so my memory is actually garbage and he never said that, disregard that bit lol

There’s also little things like the clip that shows Han Seo calling Vincenzo from a car wearing different clothes (why would they have a whole wardrobe change and shot of him in the car for a 3 second shot of him basically just saying “we need to talk” when they could have just had him call from the ice? so there is most likely a longer scene in the car), the fact that Vincenzo showed up with a gun (maybe it was just bc they were suspicious about the fact that Han Seo didn’t report on Mr Han’s promotion), or the fact that the movement Vincenzo made with the gun before he got shot was kinda odd. And perhaps most notably, Han Seo wondering who out of Vincenzo and Han Seok would come out on top in the end.

But truly, I dont know what to think. I definitely think we’re not getting the full story, but i’m not sure if that story is going to be good on Han Seo’s part. I really want to believe that it’s somehow all a ploy, but to me everything seems to be saying that it’s a real betrayal. Of course, no one can ever accurately predict things in this drama, and this seems like a cheap ending for a character that was sold to the audience so much, so I'd love to be wrong!! If anyone has any insights in either direction, please share!!!!

A Heartstopper Rant!

This contains minor to major spoilers by the way, so if you haven't watched or read it yet, then its best to keep scrolling and minding your own buzz. This is a lengthy one too so brace yourselves!

So... I just watched Heartstopper and finished reading the book, now while waiting for the updates of Volume 7 in webtoon, I decided to post a rant about Heartstopper because honestly, there is so much that I just want to say about the series.

First of all, I just want to say that Heartstopper is like being wrapped up in a warm blanket, having a hot chocolate, and being cozy and comfortable while the weather is cold or stormy. You know, those kind of days where you just want to feel comfortable? That's what Heartstopper is. I realized this while I was in the middle of episode 6, the scene where they're looking for Darcy and Tara and the gang barges into the door where they were locked in and then they ran cause they were late to the concert. All throughout the series, both the comics and the tv series was so warm and comforting and the reason for this is probably because it is really relatable. Come to think of it, a lot of what the characters did, we have done it too. Like when Nick was questioning his sexuality, so he ended up searching "am I gay?" on Google and I bet, if not all of us then at least a lot of us did it too. His confusion and frustrations was so relatable that I started tearing up too right as his tears fell down.

In my case, I really feel the struggle of Nick because I, too is feeling really confused about my sexuality. At the age of 15, I knew I wasn't straight. It felt weird to be labelled as "straight" or "heterosexual" because that didn't feel like me. I'm still confused to whether I am bisexual or pansexual, all I know is that I am not straight and me kissing girls and having been on a relationship with them and finding them hella attractive seals the deal. I still like boys but girls too. Which is why I hate that some people are mocking and laughing at that scene because that was such a heavy feeling. To be so confused and have no one to tell them what you are feeling so you resorted to the internet (which kinda helps tbh). Anyway, another relatable aspect is how Nick tends to "people please" like he can't say no and he cares too much about what other people thinks, a valid case is when he couldn't say no to Imogen's date because he didn't want her to feel bad and just as he was about to set things straight, her dog dies. I have a hard time saying no to people and wouldn't want to upset them so I really feel for Nick at this scene and others.

He really just radiates Golden Retriever vibes and I love how Kit Connor portrays Nick. At this point, Nick Nelson and Kit Connor are one and the same because you honestly just can't find the difference between the two. I am convinced he was born to play Nick and I am so happy and proud that he embodied the role. There could never be a Nick Nelson if it weren't for Kit Connor. I will literally fight you if you disagree.

Moving on, another person who is relatable is Charlie Spring. Honestly, I feel like I kin him. No joke, I feel connected to him more than anyone in the series and I think it has something to do with his mental health and how he carries himself. I'm not going to tackle his mental problems too much because I don't want this to end up sad and depressing, but I would like to touch up just how some particular scenes made me feel. An example is in the comics, wherein he overthinks why Nick is greeting him every time they passed by each other or when they are inside their form room. I feel for Charlie cause I would literally start overthinking why this popular rugby guy who's friends with some bullies is being nice to me, like is this some type of ploy? A joke? A prank? like isn't that something you would most likely do too? I swear, the minute I saw Charlie overthinking, I was like "oh crap! it's like another variant of myself!" and then I just watched and read as he continues to spiral into negativity especially in the other volumes and all I wanted to do was cry. I also felt for Charlie when he made out this scenario in his head about Nick confessing his feelings and I posted an Instagram story about it with the caption "same Charlie, same" cause I also create scenarios in my head like 24/7. It's quite comical and entertaining. So yeah, I kin Charlie Spring and I will protect and defend him until the end of times making sure that no one will hate on him. I'm trying to keep my Charlie rant brief so I might just make another blog post solely for him. He deserves it.

Let's not forget about the actor who brought Charlie Spring to life though. Joe Locke, if you ever end up reading this, you are an amazing person and no words could describe how much of an inspiration you have become. Like Joe's portrayal of Charlie Spring is just really amazing and great and show stopping and everything good basically. Just like Kit, I will fight you if you ever disrespect Joe. Literally, I would. I will smack you the way Tao smacked Harry with his beanie.

Speaking of Tao, I also relate to him. Not a surprise really, at this point I feel like I relate to all the characters (minus Ben and Harry cause fuck them). I don't relate to Tao a lot, but I do relate to his fear of being alone. I also have abandonment issues. I also relate to Elle because as we have seen it, she had a hard time making friends adjusting when she moved to Higgs. I also struggle to make friends when I'm at a new place, hence why I still have no friends at the place where I am currently living at :)

Although, I do have a bone to pick with the Netflix adaptation. It is obvious that they will change some parts of the story and add more stuff to it like them adding Imogen. What I don't understand though is them changing how Tao figures out that Nick and Charlie are dating. I really didn't like how he figures it out already since they only managed to say it during the Paris trip and for all of you who has read the comics, its kinda a long while till he figures it out. But I guess I can deal with that. What I am having a hard time dealing with is the fact that Elle practically snitched, telling Tao about Nick and Charlie. Like my girl Elle from the comics would never do that. Elle knows how to keep her promises and her mouth shut and considering what happened to Charlie with how he was outed, it really boggles my mind that Elle tells Tao about it without Charlie's knowledge or permission. Charlie already struggles from lack of control ever since the trauma that he got when he came out as gay without his consent. He didn't need that and it was out of character for Elle.

Despite those issues, I still enjoyed the Netflix adaptation and I really look forward to season 2. Call me dramatic but I instantly went to Google to ask "will there be season 2 of Heartstopper?" Yup, that series has officially taken over my life. Thank you Alice Oseman. If you haven't figured out, Alice Oseman is the person behind the great series, Heartstopper and she is brilliant, talented, and really amazing. I love her and I love all of the cast. Even the dog who played Nellie.

I really love Heartstopper. It has now been one of my comfort series ever since it came out and it's just refreshing to see a show about the LGBT+ community that isn't all sad and depressing, because not being straight isn't something bad. Just because you're gay, lesbian, pansexual, bisexual, or etc., doesn't mean it's the end of the world. In fact, it's really great to accept and to have finally figured out who we actually are because not a lot of us has the luxury of figuring out ourselves. Some of us, like me, is still a little lost and confused and that is the most frustrating thing ever. It really is. And of course, there would be the causes and the effects of coming out and it can be quite horrible and terrifying since there are a lot of judgmental and homophobic people, but I think the series made it a point to always mention either in words or just in actions that as long as you have those who supports you, they can be many or just one person, it's gonna be okay. We don't owe this people anything. To hell with what they say, we're living our lives and we are happy, they can shrivel up and turn to ashes. We are important, not them. They're just jealous cause we get to be happier and free with loving whoever the hell we want. At the end of the day, we all have someone to support us and that realization came from me watching and reading Heartstopper repeatedly.

It's comforting because it's relatable.

With that all said, thank you for reading my rant and I'll end one of my Heartstopper rants with the word:

"Hi!"

Red Roses: “I Love You” - Wanda Maximoff Ending

Valentines Special: Day Nine

Day One: Morning Glories  //  Day Two: Blue Salvias Day Three: Sunflowers  //  Day Four: Pink Camellias Day Five: Yellow Tulips   // Day Six: Violets Day Seven: Lisianthus  //  Day Eight: Daffodils (Post with rest of the character endings)

Plot: It’s finally Valentines Day, the day the reader will finally learn who it is that had been leaving them flowers and notes expressing their secret feelings.

Pairing: Gen!Neutral Reader x Wanda Maximoff

Triggers: None        Words: 1,503

Requested Taglist: @aquariuslavenderhoney​, @thebookbakery​, @fablesrose​, @kitkatd7​, @thefallenbibliophilequote​, @beksib​, @destynelseclipsa​, @criminaly-supernatural​, @tammythompson-singslikea-muppet, @belloangelus​, @snarky--starky​, @saintbootlegloras​, @wecallhimbrowneyess​, @empath-bunny​, @okkulta​, @katinthemoon,  @ravennight41​, @youcancallme-rae , @radhumandragonclam, @unfortunateidiotinadilemma, @past3l-w1ngs ,  @goinggoinggonzo, @mxxnmocha,  @theofficialzivadavid​,  @lilix1989, @normanijauregui, @euphouriaszn2, @slut-for-nat , @the-most-unicorn-of-them-all (still couldn’t tag, sorry) , @supersourlemon13, @messhup

February 14th

You woke up late in the morning, having had a restless nights sleep most of the night. As you groggily opened up your eyes and stretched, you turned to look at your clock, seeing it was nearly 11am. You sighed before grabbing your phone, seeing a missed text from Steve a few hours prior asking if you wanted to go for a run with him and Bucky. Replying with an apology and that you slept in, you rolled back over, your eyes landing on the daffodils on the table. 

Remembering that you had woken up lying at the end of your bed before crawling back in, you reached over on your desk and grabbed the note you had set their last night. You read over it again before “New beginnings” you mumble to yourself before sighing and sitting up.

Eventually, you had gotten out of bed, brushed your teeth and got dressed before wondering out of your room, planning on going on a walk. You just wanted to get out of the tower honestly. You needed to think things over again. 

You managed to leave the tower without running into any of the others before you began wandering towards a nearby park, headphones in and favorite music playing. You began to think of the possibilities again. Over the last week, you found yourself watching the others more closely. The way Natasha and Bruce had been acting around each other, you figured it was neither of them leaving you the notes. And you doubted it was Tony or Clint, and it certainly wasn’t Loki. 

So that leaves Steve, Bucky, Vision, Thor and Wanda. Steve and Bucky had always been kind to you, you were definitely close to both of them. The more you thought about them, the less you could see yourself in a relationship with them. And Vision was nearly impossible to figure out entirely.

And then there was Wanda. Ever since you met her and Pietro in your fight against Ultron, you had a bond. She felt comfortable around you, and you had never been afraid of her. You made sure she knew she wasn’t alone, and helped her mourn her brother. You spent a lot of your time together, and you had recently become more confused about your feelings towards her.

You liked her much more than you did anyone else. If you were a teenager, you’d call it a crush. But could she ever feel the same for you? Just like Vision, she was good at hiding her emotions. And you were, you think, very good at hiding how you felt. And you trusted her to never use her abilities on you without your permission anyways, she had made a promise to you as well, though you did not ask her too. It was her own way of expressing you could trust her. 

Sitting down on a bench and staring out at the park, and the people wandering around, you thought more about Wanda and the way she was around you. Thinking of all the small interactions, some of which could be seen as a bit more intimate than others. You began to feel a small sense of hope towards who would admit their feelings to you tonight. 

- - -

You had spent most of your day wandering around the city before heading back to the tower a few hours before the party would begin. You had been avoiding talking to the others, rarely texting them throughout the day. So when you arrived back at the tower, you were not really surprised when Natasha and Clint found you before you made it all the way to your room. 

“Is something up? You don’t usually avoid us this much.” Natasha began as you were stopped in the hallway before the elevator. 

You sighed as you leaned against the wall “I’ve just been preoccupied, I’m fine I promise.” 

“This is about the flowers isn’t it?” Clint asked.

You nodded and Natasha smiled apologetically “Y/n, you really don’t need to be so concerned, I’m sure that if you really can’t see yourself being with whoever it is, they’ll understand. We are all way to close to hold that type of grudge, or let something like this stand between us.” 

“You haven’t read the notes Nat. There’s much more at stake than you understand. But, I do hope you’re right.” you said with a sense of unease. 

After they tried to console you a bit more, you left to go back to your room. Taking a long shower, and slowly getting ready, you sat around distracting yourself before the party. You had gone back and forth in your mind, part of you trying to convince yourself to not go down at all. Maybe they would come find you if they really wanted. But eventually deciding against this, you convinced yourself to go up to the party. 

The party was crowded and loud, made up of a cacophony of laughter, conversation, and music. You spent a while hanging out with Natasha, Clint, Bruce and Wanda before you snuck off when you all joined the others and groups of guests. 

You thought you had not been noticed, when you found a quiet separate room, closed off from guests. You had begun to feel a bit overwhelmed and needed to take a breather away from everyone. Staring out of the large window out at the bright city, as you began to relax.

Hearing the door creak open, you looked over to see Wanda peak her head in. Her eyes meeting yours as she gave you a cautious smile “Are you alright? I saw you sneak off.”

You smiled politely at her, with little emotion “I’m okay, just started to feel a bit overwhelmed.” 

“So, is this a bad time?” 

“For what?” you asked with a questioning face. 

Stepping fully into the room, she lifted up a small bouquet of red roses “To give you these?” she asked cautiously, cocking her head sideways slightly as she watched you. 

Your eyes whipped back and fourth from the roses to Wanda before you found your voice again “Uh, wh- did...uh, did someone give you those to give to me...Or..?” 

She smiled as she began walking towards you “No one gave them to me.”

You met her eyes “Then...you?” 

She nodded her head once “Yes. Me.” she smiled. Walking the rest of the way up to you she handed you the flowers, which you took cautiously as you looked between them and Wanda.  

“I....” you chuckled at your own speechlessness “I just...really thought that you uh, I mean, I thought I was the only one...”

Her smile widened at your stuttering admission before she reached out and placed her hands over yours sending a sense of ease over you. “I didn’t really mean too. But, a few weeks ago, I was feeling, overwhelmed myself, about how I found my feelings changing for you. And one day, when we were together, I couldn’t help but...search a bit, just to see.” she looked at you with guilt on her face “I’m sorry, I know I promised I wouldn’t-”

“It’s alright Wanda” you cut her off, assuring her “That actually makes it a lot easier” you chuckled, which made her smile with relief and amusement. “So, that whole, scavenger hunt you joked about a while ago, to find who was leaving the flowers was just a ploy to distract me from thinking it was you?”

She cocked her head to the side with a smile “Maybe.”

You realized that this now made sense, that day when you found no one in the hallway when you heard them, she had used her magic. “Did anybody else know?” you asked curiously. 

She shook her head “I mean, both Tony and Steve knew about how I felt about you, so maybe they figured it was me. But I never told anyone. But I did hear Bucky mentioning something to Steve about you..pressing the flowers?” her smile widened “Did you really?” 

You felt heat rise up the back of you neck as you smiled “Maybe.” 

She laughed before she took another step closer, pressing her forehead against yours as she stared into your eyes, “I’m very glad that you liked the flowers so much, and I hope you are alright with the things that I said.” 

“I’m more than alright with them Wanda. I loved them. And I...” you hesitated, wondering if you should say what you were truly feeling. But maybe it was too soon? Though, the roses. They were the first flowers you had received that you already knew the meaning of. So, was this Wanda’s own way of confessing...of telling you?

“I know.” she said “Me too.” she replied, answering your unspoken question.

You smiled widely at each other before leaning in together and meeting in a kiss. A feeling of ease and happiness ran through you as your mind was silenced. There was no more anxiety or busy thoughts, just peace, acceptance, and happiness. 

xx xx xx xx xx

This is the last ending being posted for this event. So I hope you all liked them!!

If you did like this, please consider reblogging it, and maybe check out the other endings as well!~

The Great Ace Attorney Playthrough: The Adventure of the Great Departure (Part 2)

Last Time: I (Ryunosuke) was falsely accused of murdering John Watson Wilson, because the government’s trying to avoid an international incident and I am an expendable mug. Fortunately our best friend Kazuma of the fluttering headband stepped in to save us, but unfortunately Ryunosuke is a trusting idiot who decided to take his own defense because he didn’t want to jeopardize Kazuma’s studding abroad. In a breach of conduct for the first case in an Ace Attorney game there were multiple witnesses, none of whom committed the crime. Finally we managed to establish the presence of a woman who’s presence had been erased because she was English and the Japanese government didn’t want to cause an international incident, fortunately everyone decided fuck the government actually, and we’re bringing her in!

(Just a note before we start that because the game’s so new and I’m playing on my switch, my screenshots have really dropped in quality today (and probably for the foreseeable future). That’s also why there are less of them this time round.)

I would like to start off by reminding everyone that Kazuma’s the best.

I’m not exactly sure when I became desperate for Kazuma’s approval, but apparently I am.

If only we had ballistics - the fingerprints of the gun

Professor Mikotoba! The most innocent of men (probably)

Ryunosuke this man views us as chopped liver compared to Kazuma...

... Kazuma, Ryunosuke views himself as chopped liver compared to you...

Ok, so Professor Mikotoba was the one who invited Dr Watson Wilson over from England, and he’s sent Pink Lady to get “something we may need” from the university.

She spoke!

Why do I feel like an absolute shitstorm is heading our way...

‘I’ll save the thank-yous’ for after the trial’ Kazuma for no reason you have to stay handcuffed to me for the rest of this case and the start of the next one. I’m not having another Mia Fey incident.

Is anyone else getting big Dahlia Hawthorne vibes here?

Listen Hosonaga, I understand (from the fact that you look like this as the grand old age of 29) that life has not been kind to you, but you have to understand that Women, even if they are from England, do not naturally come in that shape. There are about 50 different places Jezaille Brett could have hidden a gun in that outfit.

Oh my god!

My favourite thing about Kazuma is how sometimes he pulls this face:

Ok so Jezaille removed one of the glasses of carbonated water from the scene of the crime, hoping to cover up the fact that she’d been there at all. Unfortunately for her I’m pretty sure that I can see the edge of a glass in the photograph of the victim, so something’s not adding up

Also she just admitted to having a handbag on her, so even if there’s not a gun stuffed inside that swan of hers, she had a way of carrying it out the scene that these idiots will recognise!

Hosonaga here, really choosing to threaten the goodwill he picked up at the end of Part 1.

Also, what’s that mark on the victims wrist? It looks like some sort of buffalo?

Also Hosonaga’s coughing feels really familiar, and while this is Ace Attorney (and therefor there could be a whole load of poison related explanations), I’m starting to wonder if he might have TB?

(For people who don’t know (which is most people) Cystic Fibrosis (what I have) and TB behave in an incredibly similar way, to the point where a lot of the people who had ‘TB’ back then might have actually had CF.)

Oh Ryunosuke...

It’s ok buddy, we’ve still got a new mystery mark and a picture glass I’m now only 80% sure I can see...

Kazuma! Not you too!

It’s so sad, he’s not even fluttering anymore

Kazuma’s now threatening the  Ace Attorney games refusal to contain swear words.

OH SWEET JESUS THAT GAVLE’S MASSIVE!!!

We’re on the right track, Miss Brett is not happy about my pointing out the buffalo burn!

Lunch my ass Miss Brett! This is clearly a ploy to escape!

Oh... I was kind of hoping Pink Lady would come back with whatever the Thing was she was sent to get. And that that would help us out of this mess.

But I guess that’s not happening just yet...

(BTW, have I just been out of the game for a long time, or is this getting really challenging for a first case? I thought the buffalo burn would do it, but apparently not)

Ok Ryunosuke, lets fall back on the old tactic of closely examining everything we possess until we find something that sort of looks like what we’re looking for. In this case a buffalo

HOT DAMN!!!

Post-mortem burn! Post-mortem burn!

I’ve just remembered this country doesn’t do autopsies!

They only go by what the body looked like at the time of death!

So when you’re faced with a man who has a bullet wound in his chest, you’d assume that was the cause of death!

And you wouldn’t CHECK FOR POISON!!!

POISON MEDICAL STUDEN JEZAILLE BRETT WOULD HAVE HAD BOTH EASY ACCESS TO AND KNOWLEDGE OF!!!

THATS WHY SHE REMOVED HIS GLASS!!!

Oh no... she’s smiling... why is she smiling...

Yeah, you and me both Hosonaga

I feel like at this point the two of us have a relationship that goes up and down like a sea-saw.

“Why did you need a translator?” Because she’s been playing this court like a dammed fiddle, next question

And just like that I’m ready to kick Miss Brett into the sun.

Yep, that’s the appropriate face.

She says, like the man who hasn’t been needlessly translating her every word, and who jumped through hoops to remove her from a murder investigation isn’t standing right there.

With every word she says I find myself becoming rapidly more convinced that Satoru Hosonaga didn’t bring Miss Brett to us because it was the right thing to do, but rather because he remembered that she was a Massive Bitch, and decided to give her what was coming to her.

LETS TEAR THIS BITCH TO SHREDS!

I’m both terrified and curious to know how they’re going to one up this lady. We’re only on the first case and she is just so deeply unlikable. I haven’t seethed over a villain like this in ages, and she’s only the first one.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to apologies to one Dahlia Hawthorne, you may have been a manipulative, poisoning, monster Dahlia, but at least you had style.

IT’S TIME!!!

I think it was Hosonaga’s spirit finally snapping next to her.

Yeah, bet you wish you’d been less of an asshole now, huh?

GET HER ASS HOSONAGA!!

Fancy a drink Miss Brett?

Kazuma, you need to do something quick, your position as my favourite is being threatened by the coughing detective who has aged like milk!

I just examined the water bottle incase in had any suspicious markings on it, and when I asked Kazuma what the French on the bottle said he told me to ‘go to France and ask’!

Yeah that’ll do it!

You go Kazuma!

GET HER ASS RYUNOSUKE!!!

Ok, Pink Lady, we really need you to come in now!

Given how confident she was about the bottle not having poison in it, and the fact that she and the victim both drank from it, I’m going to guess that it was just put straight into the glass Dr Watson Wilson drank from.     Meaning that it’s probably somewhere around the university, either still     in Miss Brett’s handbag, or in a bin somewhere.

I just want to say again what an intense first case this is!

PINK LADY!!!

A Display Of Twue Dumbinance

I am going to start with this, I know I spelled true wrong in the title. Calm your britches trolls because “twue” is lifestyle slang for balderdash. Now that is out of the way, I want to talk about this guide to finding a true/real dominant that I bumbled upon the other day. This little ditty has zoomed around Tumblr and I am sure many of you reading this have read it and maybe even liked/reblogged it because on the surface some of it sounds great. As I read through it, I found myself cringing, facepalming, and the more I read of this supposed guide to finding “twue” dominance I knew I would be talking about this here on my blog.

As I read through this list the very first time, I was convinced that I wanted to do something I very rarely do and address the hogwash point by point by linking back to the original post and blog. However, when I reached the end of the drivel came a surprising statement that this post was not this “master’s” but he liked it, copied, and pasted it to his blog without ever crediting the person who originally concocted this nonsense. I did discover some great news upon reading Master Cox’s (name changed to protect the guilty) about me section for the ladies of Tumblr, please feel free to submit a nude and/or boobie selfie because he will be happy to post and comment about your body and boobs. It does come with the disclaimer that you may not like what he has to say about your body. This is pure Tumblr gold! Send him a picture, he will body shame those he wishes and as a bonus, he saves all photo submissions for his personal use. Ding, Ding, Ding, ladies we have a twue wiener! So as much as I want to quote this craptastic masterpiece of malarkey, I will paraphrase since crediting the original dumbinant is sadly not an option.

Submissives, did you know that a twue dominant will never approach you demanding your submission, naked pictures, and/or gangbangs? I know, this is a huge news flash and we better call the news networks to get this unfair and unbalanced revelation out to the masses (This is such big news for the masses that I bet we could get the Pope to talk about it at mass!). In all seriousness, a respectable d-type will not contact a submissive with incredulous demands, and a dominant worth their salt will be respectful in all communications. This is cynical but if you believe that this lifestyle works by dumbinants making crass demands and then following them, please change your self-identifier from submissive to stupidmissive. Sorry, this is not news but is simply common sense.

Hey submissive ladies, did you know that a twue dominant man can get laid anytime he wants? Oh, you betcha (said in my best Fargo accent). The reason for a twue d-type’s ability to bow-chicka-wow-wow three hundred and sixty-five days a year with an equal amount of different women is because all women just cannot resist dominance. All a d-type has to do is approach a lady in the produce section, show her his kumquats, and they will be shagging in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot five minutes later. Okay back to reality, this goes to the crap-o-la that dumbinance preaches about all women naturally desiring a dominant man. If you are submissive, single, attracted to humans with penises, then you may want a dominant man as a partner but sorry Master Malarkey, not all women want a dominant man. There are women to want a submissive man because they are dominant and there are other women who are vanilla and do not want a dominant or take-charge guy (in vanilla terms). Now, this one blows the minds of the twue dumbinant, but not all women want, need, or are attracted to people with penises. As shocking as this news is, the twue dumbinant never grasps that all women do not want him, and there are women who are not attracted to humans that have baloney ponies and are involved in the lifestyle. Being dominant does not suddenly make someone so sexy that all the ladies of the world swoon when he passes near.

It is time to get into a bit of shady business and it is whatI call the Christian Grey effect since this has become fake news fodder since Fifty Shades of Hay descended upon the lifestyle. This twue dumbinance theory goes like this, all real dominant men are successful, wealthy, white-collar professionals and all a submissive needs to do is check the brand of cars driven, logos on clothes, and bank account balances to find out if a d-type is the real deal. So college students, construction workers, mechanics, HVAC techs, those who work in the trades, or an enlisted person in the military are all excluded from being d-types. This twue myth links career to the lifestyle and is simply rubbish because how anyone earns their living has nothing to do with the lifestyle or their role within it.

I would like to dedicate this tale to the submissive ladies out there. Okay, ladies, the reason why you have never had a successful relationship in the vanilla world is that men who are not dominant are scared of sex. Yes, ladies, it is twue, Vinny Vanilla is just soooo scared of sex that when you asked to be spanked, he ran home and cried to his momma. This tale tells that all vanilla men are scared of sex, sexuality and thus this lifestyle leaves them cowering in fear. The simple truth here is that if a person needs, wants, and desires to have this lifestyle be part of their relationship then engaging in a relationship with someone who is a vanilla bean is going to leave some things unfulfilled no matter if you are a dominant, submissive, switch, or any other lifestyle role.Once again, it is time to cause Master Malarkey’s mind to blow, vanillas can have sex, even kinky as heck swinging from the chandeliers sex, enjoy the living hell out of it, and some vanilla folks are even more sexually adventurous that lifestyle people. Sex is just sex and sex does not make a relationship nor does it mean that someone who is vanilla is scared of it.

Guess what readers, our guide to twue dominance is still hung up on sex, and get ready for some more sexciting news. Ladies, the good news is here! Your domly dream man is already god’s sexual gift because twue dumbinants are great in the sack, skilled in the art of making women orgasm, and will never engage in vanilla sex. I bet all the single, submissive women seeking d-type men and reading this are super excited to learn that he dominant of their dreams will never make love because whenever the bedroom boom-boom happens it will be of the kinky fuckery variety. A twue d-type must have had many sexual partners (seriously this part of the malarkey manifesto), so if you are a young man or a more life experienced man without a plethora of sexual partners, you better get out there, fornicate with as many willing women as you can find because until you have, you ineligible to be dominant. Did anyone else besides me facepalm here? Being male and dominant does not mean the guy has had many sexual partners nor does the role of dominant transform anyone into a sexual dynamo.

The menu of twue d-types is now moving a bit away from sex and into the realm of kinkicious play. The chef who created this dumbinant menu requires the man who wishes to attain twue dumbinance statues to acquire, have, and own accouterment of the lifestyle. If a dominant fails to have whips, chains, floggers, and the toy de jour then sorry Sir Charlie, a dominant you are not. I hope there is a collective of heads shaking because toys do not make a person, let alone a dominant. Maybe this ties back into the part of the myth about being Richie Rich and by having thousands of dollars in toys it is another symbol of wealth, success, and therefore dumbinance?

Whew, we are finally away from sex and toys (at least for now) but we do need to pause for a moment. Readers, please take this brief pause, to put your boots on because we are about to step into a few large piles of poops. Seriously, it is about to get worse…

Submissives, a twue dumbinant will select you. It does sound sort of nice and maybe a bit romantic to be selected by a dominant but there is a huge BUT here. Just like any relationship, a lifestyle relationship requires two people, or more if you are poly, to say I like you and want to be with you. Now it is time for that big but (Am I the only one here singing Sir Mix-A-Lot’s Baby Got Back now?). One of the most basic things in this lifestyle is that the submissive must offer their submission to the dominant of their choice. A dominant does not select, choose, or demand submission but it must be freely given by the submissive partner. So it may sound romantic to be selected by a d-type but this is rubbish. In my opinion, this is nothing more than a ploy to make it sound okay for a dumbinant to demand submission from a submissive.    

Everyone knows that humans are mistake-prone creatures and this mythology plays upon this. Remember a few points back when a twue d-type needed to be fabulously fornicating with many partners? Well, it is expected that one who follows this how-to guide would come from a background of many failed lifestyle relationships because the twue dumbinant will make mistakes along the way to the submissive they select. The thing here is that failed relationships might be labeled as mistakes sometimes but they are always life lessons. A broken relationship from the past is not something to chuck in the fuck-it-bucket and move forward. It is a lesson to learn as you move forward in life. What this myth is doing, I believe, is making people disposable as the twue d-type must fuck many, gain experience, before they “seize” the submission of who they select. This bit is just a way to justify the sordid past of a fuck boy. No more, no less.

So the break from sexy stuff did not last too long and this should give everyone a great laugh. The twue dumbinant will never, ever, never ask a submissive for nude or naughty pictures because d-types will “never beg” for anything. The twue man is soooooooo irresistible that a submissive who has conversations with him will just not be able to control themselves and will be “dying” to send him naked photos. Anyone else laughing out loud with me? So guys, if your inbox is not crammed with pictures of naughty bits every morning, the twue dumbinants are coming to take your dominant id card.

Remember when I warned about the poop level getting deep, well, here are the last two bits of the hit parade and it is going to get deep. I hope that everyone reading these words would agree with me that trust and honesty are hallmarks of a solid relationship and are even more important in a lifestyle relationship. So without further ado, it is time to get to the twue truth and it might hurt.

It is fairly common online to encounter a blog post from a submissive who discovered their dominant is actually in a relationship with someone else and they are simply the submissive side piece. Not to worry though because the twue dumbinant will never lie about being in a relationship because he will come right out and state he needs you to be his subbie side action, on the down-low. We should all applaud Mr. Twue for being honest with Subbie Susie, right? I am sorry but that is just crap. This lifestyle is all about being trustworthy and honest. So that is great that Twue has told Susie she is number two in his life, he still is being dishonest with number one in life (his wife) and is trying to build as well as lead a relationship that has a lie at its foundation. It is not going to work and Susie, you may think you are number two behind the wife, but depending on Mr. Twue’s day, you are number five or six.  

So, here is the last bit of twue d-type poppycock from this guide. It once again circles back to honesty. It has been established that it is acceptable for a twue dumbinant to be honest about being dishonest. Not only is that okay, but it is expected for the d-type to lie about somethings (Serious, a twue dumbinant will lie and it is supposedly okay). To paraphrase the twue example given (sorry this may gross a few of you out) but it is okay for a twuebie to say they agree with a submissive’s hard limit of no water sports but believe that swallowing a golden shower is right up that s-types alley (thus they are going to do it anyway). Relationships require honesty. It is that simple. Even hard questions such as does this make me look fat or aren’t you excited my mom is coming to stay with us for a month, can be answered with tact and honesty. There should never be a reason to disrespect a submissive by saying that you agree with a hard limit while plotting to make her swallow pee. It is simple, just be honest and say that you will respect the limit but also express if that is your thing, that it is a thing for you. Maybe someday the submissive will want to do to for you if you find yourself in a relationship with them. Be honest because if you are not your relationship will fail.

Okay, this concludes the busting of this twue dumbinant discovery guide. I know that it can sound amazing, especially if you are new, to have certain things to look for and/or lookout for. If you are new to the lifestyle, get to know people, ask questions, and learn from their experiences rather than read a blog post and think “oh that sounds good, I will go with this as a guide”. This guide about twue dumbinance has parts that sound great but when you dig closer, it is nothing but a document that excuses the behavior of fuck boys masquerading around the lifestyle as d-types. The thing about this lifestyle is that things may look amazing at first glance but you must always read between the lines as well as every bit of the fine print.

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2021

Various Slashers as Yandere Archetypes 

WARNINGS: yandere content 

Another non-requested piece. I actually found myself terribly interested in the concept after my last post musing on the topic (found here), though I’d like to restate that I don’t believe I’ll be writing more on the matter, unless a commission. 

Will firmly reiterate last time’s warning, it’s very important to recognize this characterization as unhealthy and to never enable such behavior in any real relationships. 

Will be sorting each slasher into seven classes, including Isolating, Manipulative, Dependent, Possessive, Obsessive, Delusional, and Lucid

The definitions vary greatly depending on the Slasher, while some may not fit an archetype listed, or could be a hybrid of any number of them. It’s also very possible for them to fit multiple subcategories. 

For reference, a general key would be

Isolating - (Usually gradually) cuts off s/o from their friends and family, secluding them and asserting themselves as their only social contact. Goal is perhaps to make s/o reliant on them.

Manipulative - Fairly straightforward, though the means of manipulation vary. Often emotionally controlling. Might resort to guilting the s/o or self-destructive tendencies to get them to stay. Goal is to assert control over s/o.

Dependent - Depends on s/o for stability or comfort. Might suffer from separation anxiety and as such is terribly clingy. Often ignores other social ties to focus on their s/o. No implicit goal, but usually wishes for reciprocation of feelings.

Possessive - Similar to Manipulative and often a package deal. Would under no circumstances share their s/o, likely frets over losing them (perhaps to romantic rivals or even misguidedly anyone they falsely deem a threat). Goal is to assert control over s/o. 

Obsessive - Not necessarily Possessive, though the two sometimes come together. An Obsessive might not outwardly act on their fixation, but silently pines intensely for their s/o. Fixates heavily on their s/o. Goal is to become closer to the person of interest, or wishes for reciprocation of feelings.

Delusional - Hard opposite of Lucid. They likely wrongly believe their feelings are reciprocated, believe them and their s/o are meant to be, or that their s/o is in denial of their feelings and it’s up to them to help them realize this. No implicit goal, but usually wishes for reciprocation of feelings.

Lucid - Hard opposite of Delusional. Well aware that their feelings are unhealthy and destructive, but usually represses these thoughts or simply doesn’t care. Might feel guilt, but it’s often overshadowed by longing. May have any of the formerly listed goals.

BILLY LENZ

Dependent, Possessive

He is a complex case. His lucidity comes in brief episodes, then wanes to stubborn delusion. Generally, though, he’s dependent on you for a sense of stability. When you leave, he throws somewhat of a tantrum, absolutely trashes the place, tears the wallpaper, knocks shit over, then curls up in a corner, stewing in a vicious, wordless rage. On the rare occasions, afflicted by guilt, he’ll silently clean it up, intensely avoiding your gaze all the while. Most of the time, though, you’re left to deal with the damage of his uncertain temper. He feels like you’re abandoning him, even if you fully have the intent to return; when you do come through the door he launches into your arms, all rushed kisses and crushing hugs. Inevitably, though, the cycle will repeat once more, gradually wearing you thin and thinner. Like a sweater heavily loved. But this love is intense and merciless. 

CARRIE WHITE

Dependent, Delusional

Carrie is very much wary coming into this relationship. She’s so baffled by affection, true and honest affection, no underlying teasing, no stifled giggles, that she nearly breaks down. It takes much adjusting, but soon, she’s hooked. She becomes dependent on your praise and approval to function routinely. Anything you dislike she does as well. You’re always so right, she thinks, so puzzlingly perfect. She idolizes you to the point she blocks out any of your flaws (which come with being human), entirely eliminating the possibility from her mind. She’s willing to overlook any fault, anyway, but she’s dazed by the spectacle of genuine love. Every moment you’re away is a unique, awful pain, singed with worry (you’re leaving, you found someone better), and though in those moments she thinks there’s no possible greater agony, the bliss of your presence keeps her around. She doesn’t care for anyone else—they never cared for her, and it’s not like their compassion would compare, either way. She decides you’re all she needs.

JASON VOORHEES

Obsessive, Isolating

First confronting his feelings, he disregards it casually, assuming it’d be easy to ignore. He busies himself with work, but finds this fixation occupying his thoughts in increasingly frequent intervals. He knows something needs to be done when it starts directly interfering with his chores, leading to sloppy work and far too many victims fleeing. The easy answer is to off you. He hunts you down with that intent, well ready to finally rid of this distraction. But he can’t. Stands there with a hellish anxiety wracking his chest, a feeling only distantly familiar, recalling the days when his heart did beat. He’s so intensely, frustratingly obsessed with you—it upsets him even, confuses him tremendously. All he knows for certain is that he wouldn’t be able to stand you with someone else; doesn’t care if he’s not that someone, as long as it’s not anybody else. From then on, it’s a very last minute change of plans; keep you alive, isolate you, make you dependent on him. He’s not the type to force affection on you, but rather, would purposefully withdraw it for extended periods of time, until you seek it of your own will, in which case he will reward you with the desired attention. 

BRAHMS HEELSHIRE

Possessive, Manipulative 

Like Billy, has a fragile temper that can be quite a minefield to traverse. You can never be sure what will upset him, but when it does he makes sure it’s known. Could additionally be classified as isolating, as he will immediately confine you to the manor. Leaving is far out of the question, though later on he might permit you to extend this bit of freedom to the expanse of garden surrounding the mansion (he will, however, keep you far from the gates). He makes himself out to be entirely helpless without your guidance and care, though that must be wrong, being how he’s had only himself for much of his time living in the space between the walls. It gets you to stay, and that’s what matters in the moment. But eventually, the need to escape his suffocating presence vastly exceeds your will to stay. When that time comes, an effectively inevitable outcome, Brahms had realized in the back of his head, he’ll turn to violence, first in tantrums then in threats directed to both yourself and him. Isn’t beyond killing you if he’s convinced you’re set on leaving and there’s nothing he can do.

BUBBA SAWYER

Dependent, Possessive

Partly delusional, but knows you’re unwilling. Still, relies on you for a feeling of normalcy, that distant echo of a real, functional relationship. Couldn’t bear the thought of you with anyone else, so much he might resort to threats of violence to coerce you into staying. Whether these are empty or significant falls on you to figure out. Liable to tantrums when you’re away, though the severity of these outbursts is determined by his current stability. He considers you part of the family, though at the end of the day, Drayton gets the final say on your status of life. He’ll plead desperately and with genuine distress, but it doesn’t take much pushing for him to cave in on himself; he’s far more scared to disobey the family. If he’s to kill you, he’ll go about it sweetly, clumsy, unfamiliar kisses as he smooths your hair down, trying uselessly to calm you. Your struggling and crying only troubles him, and he might hurry up the process just to quiet that awful commotion. If Drayton allowed, though, he’d keep you as a sort of pet; you’re to stay in his room or at his side and never stray. You’re given a seat at the dinner table as long as you pull your weight and pitch in (albeit unwillingly) with household chores. 

AMANDA YOUNG / THE PIG

Lucid, Manipulative 

Fairly coherent regarding her emotions, though this regulation never translates into her actions, which are twisted by impulse and anxieties. Unintentionally incredibly manipulative, will very quickly turn to self-destructive exploits to gain your sympathy and convince you to stay. Eventually, she stops caring if you’re only sticking around out of a feeling of necessity. If you ever show intent to leave, though, she’d panic. Amanda can’t conceive a life without you now that she’s met you, and though she despises how dependent she’s become on you for stability, she can’t will herself to try and improve. Your attention is a new, frightening addiction; the highs come with affection and compassion, but then withdrawal in the periods you’re away. These acts of love have to be greater and greater than the last to recreate that same rush of intoxication. She’d allow you the illusion of freedom, reminding you often you can leave if you wanted (it’s all a ploy for sympathy), but makes a show of how pathetic she is without you. She can barely function, and though she hates this vulnerability, her balance of mind being dependent on another person, she’s trapped herself in an unforgiving sequence of self-destructive desperation and a murderous temper. 

Blistering Love

Okay so slowly but surely making my way through Johnny’s quest line so expect these over the top analyses of my Johnny/V for each of these jobs ( I shall apologize in advance for spamming anyone’s dash but I can’t help myself). Feel free to add on your own thoughts, I love reading about wveryone’s different takes on these two.

Okay so, Blistering Love, the first step in Johnny’s journey to reconcile with his past, and make amends to the people who cared about him, so we’re emotional from the get go.

Now, in my last post regarding ‘Chipin In’, I stated that my V, who is by all means a very distant, rational person who suffers from chronic emotional constipation, had to come to terms with a lot of things which Johnny brought to the surface when he abused their trust. One of them was wondering wether or not they had made a fool of themselves by placing their trust in him after he went on a mad bender that basically left V emotionally overwhelmed, hurt, vulnerable and pissed as all living hell.

But coming to terms with Johnny’s betrayal hadn’t been the only thing that had upset V. When they had broken down after coming back to their apartment, all the pent up emotions, the grief, the anger, the hurt, everything they had suppressed had come bubbling up to the surface but in the midst of all that V later recognizes that one of the reasons they were so upset was because they were starting to feel something FOR Johnny.

(Now this can be anything from romantic love to something completely platonic and familial but in this case for my V it was romantic).

They had started to develop a romantic interest in him, they liked him, genuinely. They cared about him, his emotions, his well-being, they cared about what happened to him, and what might happen to him depending on how everything with the relic panel out.

But they also cared about his opinion of them, even if it was only subconsciously.

So to wake up and think that everything you shared with this person, everything you had been through to get to this point in your relationship, had all been a ploy, an act to make them lower your guard so that he could take advantage of them.

For V to think that Johnny had such a low opinion of them, that he didn’t have enough respect for them to blatantly disregard their boundaries and reservations despite being intimately familiar with them, had been a huge blow.

It had made V feel like an idiot, feel used, manipulated, and most importantly it had made them wonder what the hell were they thinking when they went and fell for the Johnny Silverhand, rockerboy and professional asshole.

All these thoughts had been plaguing V’s mind in the aftermath of Johnny’s bender and it had made them doubt everything, especially his promise at Pistis Sophia.

But this had been a turning a point in the relationship for V, because this episode had forced them to confront the fact that yes, they had fallen for Johnny, that they cared about him, maybe even loved him just a little, but then have to contend with the idea that he very likely knew this already and was just taking advantage of V’s vulnerability.

But V starts to doubt this claim at Oil Fields, and by the end of their talk, while the doubts are still there, their muted, more of an afterthought than a serious consideration and eventually with time, they fade completely.

Because here’s the thing, Johnny doesn’t know that V has feelings for him, they have a mutual agreement to stay out of each other’s heads even if it’s difficult to manage and that day during V’s breakdown, it was the first time Johnny had been hit with such a tumult of emotion from V’s end that he hadn’t been able to make heads or tails of it, so while V picked up on their romantic feelings for Johnny, he was none the wiser because he was barely able to process anything during the breakdown and afterwards he made every attempt to give V their space so that they could collect themselves.

Bottom line, Johnny doesn’t know shit about how V’s feeling, which is why when V hesitates in answering Johnny about letting him take Rogue on a date, he thinks that they’re just apprehensive about giving him control again (which they are) but in reality, the idea of him and Rogue isn’t sitting well with them, and they’re just a little jealous and sad, especially because it brings to mind Johnny’s comment about V not being his type, which in my opinion is complete bull, Johnny doesn’t really have a type, he just goes for whatever looks good.

Secondly, the not my type comment comes after the jacking off comment, and it felt more like we afterthought than a serious rejection. In my canon, Johnny falls for V first, but since he doesn’t understand the concept of emotional stability, he just locks everything down and thinks that if he doesn’t acknowledge his feelings, they don’t exist.

So at this point, he’s fallen for V but he’s subconsciously in denial about the whole thing and hasn’t realized it yet.

So the comment about V not being his type, complete crap, it’s just his mind being defensive and trying to deny that he’s in love with them.

Moving on, Johnny’s whole quest line is all about trying to reclaim his past, realizing that that’s impossible and instead choosing to reconcile with the people he cared about and moving on. We see him trying to reclaim his past in ‘Chipin In’ and failing miserably but then we see him trying again, this time by attempting to rekindle a relationship with Rogue. Now, Johnny/V ship aside, the whole ‘date’ with Rogue, didn’t really feel like a date, it felt awkward, forced.

There was no chemistry between them. Personally, I think it was just an excuse for Johnny to try and reclaim his past, because the world has changed a lot in 50 years and I think this whole quest line was likely born out of anxiety and panic over the fact that everything he once knew is gone, this new world is still Night City but it’s unfamiliar territory, it’s not the same.

So his quest line involves him coming to terms with this fact, accepting it and starting anew.

But anyways back to the point, V is uncomfortable with the idea of Johnny going on a date with Rogue, because while Johnny may have fallen first, V is the one who acknowledges their feelings for him and doesn’t try to deny them unlike him. Which is why they’re so uncomfortable and disheartened by Johnny wanting to take Rogue out.

But V still thinks that he doesn’t want anything with them beyond friendship, so they put on a brave face and agree to go along with his ideas dreading it but also wanting him to be happy and show that they are willing to put their trust in him again.

So they go to SPC and let Johnny have his night. He and Rogue have their moment together, but this is where it differs from canon; in the game, rogue is the one who pulls away and stops Johnny before things go too far. But in my version, it’s Johnny who pulls away much to Rogue’s confusion and unconsciously relief.

Keep in mind, Johnny might be in love with V right now, but he’s doing his damnedest to deny and suppress his feelings, even if it is subconsciously. So when he’s kissing Rogue, it feels wrong, it feels off. It’s not right.

Because all he can think about is V. All he can think about is how much he wishes they were the one’s sitting here with him watching a shitty action movie and making fun of it, that they were the one’s he was kissing.

And that’s when he can’t do it anymore, can’t deny that he’s in love with them, and he has to stop because this is wrong, because V is the one he wants, even if he can’t put that into words right now. So he pushes Rogue away, says that he can’t, he just can’t do it, can’t do it to V and Rogue realizes what’s happened, and sees that this little merc really has managed to get through to Johnny, to help him be better.

Because he loves them, because the old Johnny didn’t possess the capacity to love, but his one does and he’s learning to accept it. In a way it’s comforting, and she’s glad he’s the one who pulled away first. It seems that they both realized something that’s been eating away at them for a while, and they’re better for it.

They talk, and Rogue finally voices the words that Johnny has been avoiding these past few months,

“You love them, don’t you?”

And now that it’s out in the open, he can’t run from it anymore so he tells her yes he does. They stay like that for a while longer, just enjoying each other’s company after so many years apart, reminiscing g about the few good times they shared, with Johnny actually apologizing for how he treated her when he was alive like he was supposed to.

Eventually, Rogue calls it a night, she kisses Johnny on the cheek, and wishes him and V a good night, before leaving SPC, contented and happy to have spent time with an old friend instead of storming away from an ex-flame like she had done in the game.

Which is when Johnny takes the pills and V wakes up back in their body, groggy and disoriented and confused when they don’t see Rogue. What they do see is Johnny looking at them with this somber, soft expression on his face, like he’s seeing them for the first time after years as he explains that things didn’t work out and she went home.

V is arguably relieved, and Johnny tries to ignore the wave relief that washes over him from V’s end of their link, convinced that they could never feel the same way he does, especially after the stunt he pulled in “Chipin In” (because y’know these two are stupid and who doesn’t like a bit of angst with their enemies to friends/idiots to lovers ‘fix-it’ fanfic?).

Anyways, they talk and call it a night and Johnny desperately tries to ignore the feelings of calm and contentedness he’s catching from V, just like he tries to ignore the way his heart skips a beat when V looks at him with an adorable little smile on their face.

He hopes to god that they can’t feel it because he can still feel something sharp near their heart. Or is it him? Who knows, it’s hard to tell at this point.

IN DEFENCE OF HARRINGROVE:

Because I’ve seen SO MANY POSTS about how Harringrove is basically the devils spawn and super unhealthy and abusive etc etc etc, I wanted to offer my two cents because nobody asked for it so with all the confidence of a heterosexual white man, I am going to convince myself it matters and offer it to the world.

The truth is I honestly don’t think I would ever want Harringrove to ever become canon. I don’t think I would like it if it did. (See also: Destiel.) I KNOW there is so much bad blood between Steve and Billy that would take SO. MUCH. CHARACTER. DEVELOPMENT. to get over in a way that would not seem abusive. Billy and Steve’s relationship in the show was built on a macho rivalry that is literally just testosterone and abuse. Anyone who is anti Harringrove is currently sitting there agreeing with me, nodding along and going ‘THIS IS EXACTLY MY PROBLEM.’ I hear you anti Harringrovers. I hear you and I get you. Billy in the show is violent, bigoted and prone to lashing out and being aggressive. One of the biggest arguments against Harringrove is that nobody ever writes the characters from the show into a healthy relationship, it’s all totally different versions of the character and they worked out their issues offscreen or whatever. (Personally this to me feels like quite a narrow view of that segment of the fandom and I can point to a few fics straight off the top of my head where the characters start like the characters in the show and develop into a healthy relationship, but I hear what you say.)

THE THING IS THOUGH: that’s kind of the point. The big ships that are canon in the show (Mileven/Jancy/Jopper) don’t inspire the same level of fun for fanfic writers as Harringrove because they’re missing one crucial element: CONFLICT. Conflict is at the heart of any good story, regardless of whether it’s good vs evil or two characters getting together. (Writing 101 there...) All of those other ships have had their core conflict resolved in-story. Even delving into popular non-canon ships, for example Stonathan, Steve and Jonathan have kind of... worked out their conflict in season 1. Their conflict in season 2 wasn’t really a conflict between each other but rather a mutual love of Nancy. If you make them both fall out of love with Nancy with a ploy of getting them together... what the f are they arguing about? Where’s the conflict? Sure, you could go back to a point in canon where they hate each other and try and work it out from there but it’s already been resolved satisfyingly in canon, so yeah, you’ve got to make up a conflict between them. In the show, they barely mention each other outside the context of Nancy.

With Harringrove, however, the conflict is still there. It’s never been resolved. It’s FUN to resolve it. It’s fun to take this testosterone fuelled rivalry that is driving them to extremes and instead take it to another extreme. Their rivalry is borne out of them occupying the same space and the same circles in this high school to the point where they’re totally obsessed with each other. To get them romantically interested in each other doesn’t involve removing key ingredients of their rivalry. And it’s FUN. It’s FUN to flesh out more sides of these characters, to explore different sides to Billy who, if I may point out, we kind of barely scratched the surface of in canon. His dad beats him up. His mom left him as a kid. He’s macho af and wants to go back to California. He flirts with 40something women at the pool. There’s a lot to explore there that ISN’T explored in the show. He’s extremely convenient to explore the backstory of. (And it very definitely helps that this rivalry is going on between two of the hottest male cast members...)

The one thing I will say most of all in defence of Harringrove (and specifically as a Harringrove shipper) is that I’m also generally very on board with exploring it the other way, where it doesn’t end with them getting together but rather where the rivalry gets worse and worse. Because that is just as interesting. For all the fics that exist that take Harringrove from where they are in the show to a healthy romantic relationship, I can name just as many fics where they stay rivals and it all builds to a nightmarish head, and these are actually usually MORE interesting to me because it delves massively into the flip side of that blank slate, where Billy stays a bully and thoroughly unredeemable but also is just absolutely fascinating. Because the relationship between Steve and Billy is what’s interesting, because it’s unresolved by the time Billy leaves the show in s3. It’s open. It’s interesting. It’s fun.

That’s not to say that there aren’t poorly written fanfics out there where the relationship is still hella abusive and the author doesn’t seem to realise it as they have Steve forgive Billy for lashing out violently or something. Those definitely do exist. But if this reaches a Harringrove anti and you want a couple of good fics that explore the Billy and Steve relationship, hmu and I’ll send over a couple of fics! ❤️

Has anyone asked you about 9? The wincest AU beauty and the beast retelling yet? 👀

Ooooh, lmao. I’m literally going to just paste my super messy notes about this idea directly into this post. I had this idea like a fever dream one night and I was so compelled by it, but at the same time, this is going to tread the fine line between crack and serious fiction and I'm still trying to figure out some of the finer details, so if anyone has like, thoughts about this AU verse, I’m all ears!

OK SO! can i make supernatural retelling of beauty and the beast with *one* change to the plot that creates a wild butterfly effect? Here’s the answer: yes.

The difference is just that john knew about azazel and the demon blood/lucifer vessel prophecy from the beginning. Somehow. Will have to work that bit out. But so john can't bear to be around sam and what he represents, so he ships him off to bobby where he's basically under lock and key in bobby’s panic room all the time, and bobby tries to research a way to stop what sam will eventually become. Dean grows up knowing he has a brother but has only seen him like twice as a kid. John won't talk about sam at all, too painful. He's told dean just enough to make him afraid of his little brother and hate/resent him for what he did to their family and also the fact he's a monster.

Meanwhile, sam grows up happyish but sheltered under bobby’s care. He gets even smarter through bobby’s tutelage. Anyway, at some point azazel comes back, probs on sams 18th birthday, and heres where shit gets wild. Azazel um, does something to bobby? Doesn't kill him, but maybe imprisons him (or god maybe he turns him into a piece of sentient furniture. No. i cant do that. ... can i?) and puts a curse on sam. Need to work out the exact details but it has to do with his father thinking he's a monster and sam needs to see himself the way his father does, so azazel inflicts on him all the wounds his father has inflicted on monsters over his tenure as a hunter and sam is just suddenly totally disfigured with scars. Like still kinda hot but mostly gross.

And in here somewhere Azazel tells sam he has to accept what he is. This is all a ploy to get sam to willingly become the boyking and yadda yadda. But Sam refuses, so azazel, being a stupid fucking demon, makes a deal with sam. If he can find a way to convince the brother who hates him of his humanity, azazel will undo his whole shit. But if he fails, he will give himself over to azazels plans. (something like, “Daddy’s too easy. He loved you once. A father’s love can never truly die. Dean, though. Dean-o was raised to hate you.” or wtvr) oh and also he cant leave?? I dunno lol.

Anyway. Bobby doesn't update John at some point (probably months of total isolation at this point before john starts to get worried because he’s a shit) and john finally tells dean to stay put but then he doesnt come back so then Dean goes after him and ends up at bobby’s and gets taken prisoner by Sam, desperate to break the curse and get out of the deal. Dean assumes john is a prisoner or something and begs sam to let his dad go and in return he’ll stay.

John has been … whatevered by azazel the same way bobby has, and sam promises nothing will happen to john if he stays. So he do. Anyway u no the rest snowball fights and libraries and dancing cutlery, etc. 

anyway. yes, this is unfortunately how I spew all of my fic ideas out to myself. sorry I'm like this.

Always & Forever: Part 6

Pairing: Lucifer x reader

Summary: Being forced into an arranged marriage by your father doesn't go quite to plan when your soon to be husband tries to take the only freedom you have ever known. Little does he know someone else was listening in. Go on a journey to discover that Lucifer may not be as bad as he appears. He did save your life after all.

Warnings: talks of acts of violence, talks of possession, age gap, cursing, fluff, some angst, mentions of blood and injury, talk of mature topics, 18+ only.

Word Count: 2465

A/N: I try to stay as true to the time period as I am comfortable with. This an 18+ only series. You have been warned. There is a lot of talk about mature topics. You have been warned. All thoughts in italics.

Enjoy!

“The reason my father declared war? Why would he do that?”

“Because he was convinced that I wanted to kill you. That I was worse for you than Michael.”

“Why would he think that?”

Lucifer turns to Dean and Sam, “it’s like she doesn’t know anything. I know she has been recovering. There is no way this is the first day she has been awake.”

“It is actually. She woke up this morning.” Sam spoke up.

“S-so, you’re telling me she really has no idea what has happened in the last 6 months?”

“6 months?” I practically shout.

“You’ve been sick for the last 6 months. Poisoned by, what your father assumes, Lucifer.” Dean speaks.

“B-but Lucifer would never,” I turn to face Lucifer, “you would never. You swore to never hurt me. You said those vows. You swore to protect me! You swore to stay by my side!”

“I had no choice! Your father forced the divorce. He forced Maddox into wiping your memory. Why you even remember me is beyond me.”

“The kiss.”

“The what?”

“The kiss. On my forehead, the one you said I would be able to detect if you were in danger. That I would be able to find you easily.”

“Shit. I forgot about that. Your father will kill me if he finds out about that.”

“No wonder Maddox seemed so worried when I told him about a little secret he has. I just knew I needed you back. I want you back Lucifer. I know you would never hurt me. That you didn’t hurt me, or poison me.”

“No, I didn’t, but your father is going to be hard to convince. I’m sorry princess. Our story is finished.” Lucifer looks at me one last time before walking to the door.

“So, that’s it then. All we fought for, all we ever wanted, all you ever promised, is over? I would go to the ends of the earth to bring you back with me. Even if that means that Lucaea is no longer home to me. No place will ever be home without you by my side.”

“Then you will be homeless. I’m not going back with you Y/N. So quit trying to mess with my emotions to get me to say yes. No matter how badly I want to. I know I promised, but some promises are meant to be broken. I couldn’t protect you even if I tried.”

“You blame yourself for what happened. Don’t you? That’s why you refuse to come back. You’re...afraid.”

I got no answer, but his head lowered a bit. I don’t blame him for blaming himself. If something happened to him on my watch, I would never forgive myself either.

“We’ll give you two some space. Seems like there is a lot you need to talk about alone.” Sam said, grabbing Dean’s arm and walking out of the room.

“Y-yes...I’m afraid. Afraid that I will fail again, and lose you forever. The thought of being away from you forever huts, but I at least know you’re safe, and you’re alive.”

“But what if I’m forced to marry and I give up fighting, and they hurt me, or kill me. There are a lot of kings out there who have multiple wives who all just mysteriously disappear. I could easily become one of those unfortunate women.”

“D-don’t say such things. Your father wants the best for you.”

“Yet he tried to force me to marry Michael, who wanted my tongue cut out to silence me. I would have bled out, but heaven forbid I marry someone kind and gentle, and they get blamed for me falling ill.”

“I’m sorry princess, but I swore I would never step foot near Lucaea again. I couldn’t face that place knowing I failed you, and your father.”

“Did my father really force you to leave, or did you leave on your own?”

I got no answer. He just kept his head down.

“Luc, did you, or did you not leave of your own free will?”

“F-fine...I left on my terms. I apologized to your father for failing you, and him. He told me that I would fail worse by leaving, but I knew that I would continue to fail if I stayed. So, I left.”

“What else did my father say? Did he say you would be welcomed back if you so chose to want to be by my side again?”

“H-he did. He said he would leave that for me any time. That he finally saw, for the first time, his daughter truly happy. He didn’t want to be the reason that was taken away.”

“Then come home. I’m alive, and I will be more careful. I will have Maddox work on antidotes for every possible poison out there, have him learn healing spells. Luc, I’m willing to bring you back with open arms because I know if you knew who the culprit was, you would take matters into your own hands and arrest him, or execute him.”

“How can you be so sure that I won’t fail you again?”

“Because the only thing you failed at was not staying by my side. There was no way you could pinpoint a single person that night. There were too many people at Lucaea Castle for you to even begin to narrow down who did it.”

“You think it happened at our wedding?”

“Yes, that’s the only time it could have happened without them encountering us alone. Bigger crowd, less chance of them being found out.”

“I-I never thought of that before. It is the perfect ploy. No one is tasting your drinks or food with so many people around, especially allies of the kingdom. It’s the perfect place and the perfect crime.”

“See. There would be no way you could have stopped it. It’s why my father didn’t blame you either. He knew that you had no control over what happened. My father will blame himself just as harshly. There will be more guards appointed to posts, more posts added for extra security, invited guests only will be allowed into parties and special occasions. Things for the kingdom will look different.”

Lucifer finally turns to me, and walks over caressing my cheek, “I hope so princess. I want to come home to you so bad, but...this silly war my brother started…”

“So it was Michael who started this?”

“Yes, after he found out that our kingdoms were no longer united after I left, he took his opportunity to declare war against Lucaea.”

“It makes sense, but if you come back with me, you can sign the document of peace. The war will be over, and our kingdoms united again.”

Lucifer smiles, but it fades when someone bursts through the door. Lucifer holds me tight and grabs his sword ready to destroy anyone who threatens to hurt me.

“Your highness,” it was Maddox, “Oslucatish has invaded Lucaea, and is headed for the castle. I heard you came looking for Lucifer, and I can tell you two had a talk, so the quicker you sign this document the quicker we can start arresting these soldiers.”

“Better yet, the quicker we do, the sooner we can get to my father, and he can stop this invasion.” Lucifer said sternly.

“We can't sign it though without my father present.”

“Wouldn't you think I know that. You underestimate me, your highness,” Maddox stated, “I'll give you two, time to discuss. I'll be back in 10 minutes." He then walks out. 

I sit on the bed, wondering what to do, and what Maddox meant by what he said.

“You okay princess?” Lucifer asked, sitting next to me.

“Yeah, just thinking. What if this doesn’t stop anything? What if all we do is make things worse?”

“If you have any doubts, then I can just sign the document stating we surrender, and you and I can go our separate ways. I will do anything to please you princess, even if that means you don’t want me in your life anymore.”

“That’s not what I want at all, Luc. I just want this to cause any more problems than what we already have caused. I just want to know whether my kingdom will be safe, and that the invasion will stop if we sign the peace treaty.”

“It has to. I promised I would stay by your side, and…”

“Yeah, and look where that’s gotten us,” I kind of whisper mumble.

“Look I realise I messed up, but I want to fix this. This plan has to work, or I will assassinate my brother myself, and end this war myself. With or without this peace treaty.”

“Lucifer, from what you have told me, it isn’t that simple. The war will keep going on even if you do manage to kill your brother. You will become a traitor, and you will no longer be a prince, or a commander of an army. Is that a risk you’re really willing to take?”

“For you, princess, it’s all worth risking.”

“Fine. Go down a tell Maddox. I’ll be down in a minute. I need sometime alone for a second.”

“Okay princess. If you’re not down in a few minutes, do I have permission to come and escort you down?”

“Yes, Lucifer.” I smile slightly at him before he goes downstairs.

I will finally have my dream come true. Lucifer will be by my side again, and I don’t have to worry about anyone trying to tear us apart. 

I sat on the bed, and heard something fall on the ground. I look down and its a pile of envelopes, must have fallen from Lucifer’s bag.

I greab one and read that it is indeed addressed to Lucifer. I open the already opened letter and read it.

Dear Lucifer,

I know it has only been a few days, but she keeps asking for you in her sleep. I know she is still in there, and she misses you. I think she can tell you are not by her side. I hope you can find the courage to forgive yourself, as she will always forgive you.

-M

Who is M? Could it be Maddox? Would he really be sending letters to Luc?

I grab the next one I see and read it:

Dear Lucifer, 

A new letter caught my attention this time. It had no name on the envelope, and it had yet to be sealed. Was Lucifer going to send this one back in response as soon as he got to this village? It would make sense since no one would track where it was going. This is neutral territory.

It has been almost 5 months now. I hope you’re okay. Please, respond to my letter, just this one so I at least know you’re alive out there. The war between our kingdoms keeps raging on, but the fight within you has died. She is recovering quickly thanks to the antidote I found. Please Lucifer, come home to her. Doctor says she should be waking up soon. She’ll be asking questions as to where you are. Are we just supposed to pretend you don’t exist to protect her? She’ll find anyway she can to find you. I know she will. She’s done it before. Just come home for her. -M

Dear Maddox,

I regret to inform you I will not be coming back. If she finds me, let her, but it will not change the fact that I want that life anymore. May she heal and prosper well. The last letter I received better be the last one I get. I want this one returned in a new envelope, the front left blank. Help her forget about me. It will be the best for all of us. If I catch you near me again Maddox, I will end you and your entire posey. 

Oh no. What have I done? Maddox and everyone here is possibly in danger. I have to go down there right now, and hope I am not too late.

I stand up, and run to the door, when it opens up.

“There you are. Sorry I was getting worried that you hadn’t come down yet.”

I just stand there ready for whatever was going to happen to me. Is he going to kill me next? I was too late to get out there. I should have just ran out as soon as I read this.

“Is everything okay? You look frightened. Did someone come is and threaten you?” Lucifer then looks on the floor. I know he has seen the letters now scattered. He looks to the bed, then to my hand. I had completely forgot I had his letter in my hand, “were you going through my stuff?”

“N-no...th-they fell and I-I went to pick them up...I-I saw your name and…” He yanks the letter out of my hand and looks it over. I take this time to bolt out the door.

“Y/N wait!”

I didn’t care how many times he called my name, I needed to get away. Whatever Michael did to my Lucifer, he was right. He isn’t the Lucifer I married. I needed to get away. Run as fast, and as far as I possibly could.

I look back behind me to see if he is following me when I bump into someone.

“Your highness, are you alright?”

It was Sam. I push him as I heard footsteps coming around the corner, “Sam...we need to run...now.” I look behind me as I see a shadow grow closer from around the corner.

“Your highness, what’s going on?”

I don’t answer, I just grab his hand and start running again. I knew I had to get away somehow. Anyway I could. Lucifer was going to kill us if he caught us and I couldn’t risk that. I wasn’t ready to die yet, and I certainly didn’t want the man I once loved to be the one to do it. The thought killed me, and I just couldn’t take this anymore. I couldn’t take the heartbreak anymore. That’s what this was. Heartbreak.

We finally reach the door to outside and I burst through to find we are surrounded by Lucifer’s soldiers.

“Princess, you ready to leave?”

“I’m not going anywhere with you murderers! Let us go! Haven’t you done enough!”

I hear the door we came out from open again. There stood Lucifer with the letter in his hand. I hid in Sam terrified and clearly shaking.

“There you two are. I should have known you would have run outside.”

This was it. I was going to die by his hands, and I was trapped with no way out. This was the end.