#i sometimes think of this and it is one of my favourite literary facts
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This is your friendly reminder that Bustopher Jones is, in fact, a member of the Drones Club.
#cats the musical#t. s. eliot#old possum's book of practical cats#p. g. wodehouse#drones club#i sometimes think of this and it is one of my favourite literary facts
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begging twitter to stop showing me tweets of people with no reading comprehension misrepresenting things I said but since i was going to make this more in-depth post Anyway .
when i say imogen is better read as a metaphor for generational trauma than she is a metaphor for queerness or chronic pain, i’m not talking about legitimate traits she has as a character. obviously she is queer. obviously she experiences some form of chronic pain (though i would argue her magic better suits chronic illness not pain because she states that it’s Not always painful, but it does always influence how she lives her life).
when i talk about how well she’s understood as a metaphor, i’m talking about when i’m looking at her as a part of a story, as an arc that i am witnessing rather than in the more typical fandom way of this is a fictional person who interacts with exandria as real people do. and that is a fun way to interact with characters, i enjoy it a lot! but when i say imogen (to me, as i for some reason have to clarify on my own blog which implies that these are my own opinions and not absolute fact that needs to be accepted by people on the internet with different experience and opinions than me) is best read as a metaphor for generational trauma, it isn’t a dismissal of her queerness or her illness, it’s just me thinking looking at her from that angle is more compelling.
imogen has been one of my favourite characters and least favourite characters in campaign 3 because i tend to analyse her through a lens of generational trauma and she ends up looking extremely familiar to me as someone with a family that carries their’s heavily which is as comforting as it is frustrating.
for me the main thing that looking at imogen through a queer lens of literary analysis fails to account for is harm. on the one hand - the harm that imogen experiences, not because of how people treat her for who she is, but that exists simply as a factor of her being ruidusborn. on the other hand a the harm that imogen causes. not to say that she is some malicious villain waiting for her chance to harm others, but that there are things about being ruidusborn that very much do incline her towards violence in a way that she might not otherwise be - i think about the conversation after she went nuclear and chet brought up people being scared of her connecting that to her father keeping distance. the only harm that queerness provides comes from society, and that isn’t the case in exandria. even metaphorically, the thing that society fears in ruidusborn people (while it has certainly been exacerbated by centuries of superstition and practices like we saw in zephrah) is a tangible threat. imogen’s magic when not controlled can wipe out a city block, but queerness poses no threat.
that’s why i’m not compelled by imogen’s backstory as a queer metaphor. not because i’m some imodna anti (i very emphatically am not but this fandom kinda makes me wish i was sometimes) or because i think exandria’s lack of homophobia/transphobia means that characters can’t be viewed through a queer lens or that critical role doesn’t contain some of the most compelling queer metaphor i’ve encountered. imogen just isn’t one of those characters, not because she isn’t queer, or because i think her story shouldn’t resonate with queer people, just because i find the generational trauma angle more consistent.
it’s similar with the chronic illness angle, which i will refer to as illness but you’re welcome to emphasise pain, we all have different vocabularies for the experiences we face. but just to give context i’m running off laura’s comparison of imogen’s powers to her own sensory issues and anxiety which while often Lead to pain, fall more into chronic illness in imogen’s context to me. and i do think there’s substantial comparison for imogen’s story as a metaphor for chronic illness, but i think that was much more true earlier in the campaign than it is looking at her from the current context. her beginning motivation being her search for knowledge about her powers really resonated with me as similar to someone experiencing symptoms of chronic illness but who could neither figure out how to treat them or what they were caused by.
but then imogen got more information, specifically about her mother, and her priority became not understanding her powers but understanding her current state as a person - how had she become the person she is, inclusive of her powers but very much emphasising her lack of a mother who became more and more present in the unweaving web of ruidusborn lore. that’s when i was less compelled by the chronic illness reading and more compelled by viewing her as a metaphor for generational trauma. had that not been enough on its own, imogen’s visit to relvin and her recent thoughts on her mother would be enough to convince me.
the part that makes me hesitant about this post is that generational trauma is so intensely linked to the contexts under which it is created and perpetuated. so i can’t really point to specific scenes as evidence of specific things that prove generational trauma is the most compelling and i don’t really want to unload that much of my own experience to clarify my thoughts on a character. but vaguely, i will say that imogen’s relationship with her parents is obviously the clearest source for my reading her as a metaphor for generational trauma. the fact that relvin, the only person in her family without the thing that draws society’s ire, is also the person that she has the most willing anger at is also indicative of this to me. in general, imogen’s rage that so easily transitions into sadness and vice versa comes out a lot in conversations about parents. most recently, i think about ashton’s lovely speech about found family and his distrust about parents and how as they were speaking, laura seemed to be playing imogen as sadly in thought versus months ago when fearnes parents showed up with striking similarities to liliana and imogen’s words of wisdom were let’s hurt them all.
and like. to me that angersadnessvengeancegrief is particularly evocative of the feelings that arise when you are in a family with generational trauma, especially when you are aware of it. because imogen can and has followed the logical steps that have led her and her family to where they are. early on when recounting her relationship with her dad she seemed wistful but understanding of the distance between them. in nearly every encountered with a parental figure imogen seems to be some level of distrusting for the most part, but she’s still holding out hope that her mother will see the good side. and further, there’s the complication of how dire her losing her powers seems to be, and how inextricable her powers are from every aspect of her life. she’s also southern and from a blue collar family. this means nothing except it also means a whole lot.
this is messy and not well organised but if you want a good essay you’re gonna have to pay me money for it but tldr: i say things i believe on my This Is My Opinion Blog and i don’t think i need to explain my thoughts to strangers on the internet but this was already half written in my drafts and if people are gonna shit on my opinions please at least do it in good faith and shit on my actual opinions not the ones you’ve decided i have.
#it’s just the. your mother leaves and you know nothing you don’t even know that she Chose to leave you just know she’s gone#and your father is there in every way he can be which isn’t Enough#and then. you do the same thing your mom did and you find the answers she found but. you’re finding a way out of it . not Completely .#and not Perfectly. but enough that you’re angry that the world wasn’t kind enough to her to give her a way out#and you’re angry that she probably wouldn’t have taken a way out if she found it#and you’re just. getting hurt by her over and over and you’re putting your life and friends at risk over and over in the thin Hope#that this time when she hears you out she’ll actually Hear you#also . just in general. i do not worship the ground of the mn campaign for anyone to accuse me of thinking cr characters can’t be queercoded#i’m stronger than you . i see the queerness of fjorester which only people with real reading comprehension understand .#anyway this is all light hearted if i was actually like . Mad this would be like. one sentence long#imogen temult#cr3#critical role#the temults#cr meta#listen man. imogen is personal to me i hate her i love her i want to hit her i want to hug her i can’t look at her i wanna study her#my posts
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Do you want to read something that makes you forget you’re reading? Something so lyrical it makes you catch your breath? Here you are then! This is my appreciation post for some bloody talented writers in the Wolfstar fandom!❤️🔥
NB: This is my personal list. And holy moly have I spent a lot of time making this list, but there’s no way I can fit all writers I love in one list. There are so many other incredible writers out there! Furthermore, this list does not intend to bring light to lesser-known writers. I know that this list contains quite a few pretty well-known writers within this fandom, but that’s how it is—please don’t come at me! This is simply a list of writers that I, personally, love. Capiche?
accioromulus
(@accioromulus) accioromulus is an old favourite of mine; I can’t even imagine me being in this fandom if it weren’t for them. Writer of my two favourite fics: Hard to find, and Impossible Things. Their writing is just so soft. So beautiful. So all-consuming. I want to live in their writing and never leave!
“Sirius?” Says Remus, quiet. His fingers curl ever-so-slightly into the hair at the back of Sirius’s neck, and Sirius shivers. “What are you doing?”
The pale sunlight is creeping across the kitchen, lazy and gentle, but every inch of Sirius is on fire. Remus’s lips are parted, his chest rising and falling, and Sirius thinks about Remus’s skin under his mouth.
“I don’t know,” Sirius admits, voice ragged. “I don’t know.”
Montparnasse
(@montpahrnah) The god of the wolfstar fandom. This is probably no news for you, but of course they had to be included in this list! Their prose is like a literary orgasm. My favourite fic of theirs is Elucidation Practice, but everything they’ve written is beautiful. To give a taste:
They’re a natural disaster of hands and mouths and hips all the way to Sirius’s bedroom, clumsy pathfinders tearing ineffectually at clothes and shoving each other into walls, Remus’s fingers drumming up Sirius’s ribs like counting the bricks in Diagon Alley, 1-2-3, 3-2-1, taking altogether a very long time about getting anywhere
Aeridi0nis
(@aeridi0nis), writer of fics such as in lieu of beaujolais, station to station, and for your pleasure—all of which are wonderful! Their writing is clever, witty, and beautiful. Ridi has a magical way of writing inner monologues that always has me laughing! They also have a way of making me cry…
“But the answer is this: the answer is that Remus still (still – that precious little word) keeps his toothbrush with Sirius’. His mugs are still in their sink, half-drained and bitter and material, and all of it is still theirs: this place, this mess. Remus is still here. Still, still, still.“
MizDiz
MizDiz made me believe in magic, in Everything's Connected—more than the Harry Potter books ever did. (I’m actually not even really kidding. I finished it reeaallly late one night, and pretty much convinced myself that magic exists, that everything’s connected). Their writing is just that: magical.
“ All of it,” he says, turning his gaze out across the grounds. “Everything in the world—in the Universe—it’s all energy. We’re nothing but energy, and sometimes I can...feel it? I can feel it, almost like a vibration thrumming through my body, and in those moments I can’t see borders anymore. I no longer see objects, I just see pure vitality. And it’s when everything is as one that I can do anything I want.”
Orestesfasting
(@newsom) Another classic writer, having written the masterpieces Light in August, and Born under Punches. Their writing is so incredibly soft, like a summer breeze, like a tender touch. Orestefasting is a gift to this fandom.
The truth is that he’s kept this love on the back burner of his heart for so many years that he’s grown accustomed to the smell and can sometimes almost ignore it completely. He likes to think he’s made peace with the fact that he’ll never know what it tastes like. Still there are times when the pot boils over and it’s like he can feel it physically, the bubbling in his chest, cooking his insides and threatening to surge up his esophagus and out his mouth, scalding everything within its reach
Templeg
The softness. The sweet angst. And sometimes a touch of comedy. Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant! Writer of the wonderful: Our Blood, Still Young. Masterpiece!
‘Look’, says Sirius, ‘it isn’t as if- It’s not like this has never happened before, historically. Between, you know, mates. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean anything. When I was thirteen I rubbed one off on my bedpost.’ Remus chokes. ‘It doesn’t mean I have feelings for the bedpost. It doesn’t mean I ever had feelings for the bedpost, plus, you know, splinters-’
‘OK, STOP’, yelps Remus. ‘Am I a bedpost in this scenario?’
wholesome_gay
( @moonynpadfootforever ), wholesome_gay has given so much to this fandom, in the most beautiful ways. My personal favourite of theirs is the beasts of wanting, but they have written other fics that are incredible as well. Their prose is quite simple, and it goes straight into your heart. Oh, I just love them.
He could see his own breath, and Sirius’s: ephemeral clouds that dissipated before having the chance to touch.
Sirius tucked the cigarette away in his jacket and tapped his fingers on the leg of his jeans.
“You know I’d do anything for you, right, Moony?”
Sreka
(@smodernlife), Oh, my beloved Sreka. Master of AUs, characterisations, and just. everything. (such as: Au Pif).
And anyways, just because Sirius was engaging and gorgeous and funny and seemed genuinely interested in what Remus had to say, he was still getting married . Remus had a business to run and didn’t have time to do little favors for any pretty boy who batted his eyelashes at him.
He inhaled deeply, looked into Sirus’s beautiful, earnest, gray eyes and answered.
“Yeah, absolutely.”
Wanderingburrundia
(@wanderingbandurria) V always manages to amaze me, especially with their incredible AUs. Nobody does AUs quite like them - it really is like stepping in to another world! (e.g. The Delegate)
He knew that nothing he could say would convince Remo, so he just kissed him firmly, and let Remo cradle his face between his hands, firmly, and undo him completely.
It already tasted like his heart breaking, and yet - even though he wanted to cry, to scream, to beg - all he could do was hang onto Remo’s body and breathe close to his neck, wishing for something, anything, that told him how to keep Remo by his side.
eyra
(@eyra) I loooved the writing in Hollow Places, and I don’t think I’ve ever smiled as much as I did while reading Beneath a Big Blue Sky. And of course, who wouldn’t sell their soul for A Brief History of Dragons? So naturally Eyra needs to be on this list. Their writing is spectacular! Whenever I read their fics I instantly want to move to Yorkshire. Right. Now.
“Your its mum now, Sirius," Remus says quietly, the corner of his mouth quirking up in a soft smile. "Don't let it down."
And for some reason, at that, Sirius feels his throat grow a little tight. The lamb squirms a little in his arms, apparently trying to clamber higher on Sirius's chest to then - and drawing a chuckle from Remus - nose noisily at his hair hanging loose around his shoulders. Sirius smiles, shrugging his shoulder as the lamb's nose tickles at the side of his neck, still sniffing away and taking fine strands of hair between its gummy little lips.
Xylodemon
(@xylodemon) Writer of many wonderful wolfstar fics! I mean, just the sheer number of fics they’ve written for this fandom - it’s unbelievable! And you can always count on quality writing—and be prepared to laugh! It takes some skill to write something so funny! From Truthful:
It wasn't that Remus didn't trust James, it was just that Remus didn't trust James at all. His furry little problem was safe, but the way James' mind worked, everything else would be fair game. Including his inconvenient and growing-worse-by-the-day crush on Sirius. How James had ferreted it out, Remus would never know, but he supposed James wouldn't be bloody James if he hadn't.
dykesiriusblack
( @dykesiriusblack ) Laura is a lyrical mastermind. Every damn time they have me completely mind blown with their writing. I’m sorry I don’t know enough about literature to explain exactly what it is, but it’s definitely something; their prose is like a psychedelic drug, a fever dream—in the best way possible!
Eg. Illicit affairs
Remus was breaking apart at the seams, spilling bloody on the floor everything that Sirius wove himself into – in the lines of his palm, his stomach acid, his marrow, the infinitesimal space between joints. He was everywhere; he was in him. Remus could peel back his skin, dig into the muscle, the gristle of himself, to excavate Sirius like a tiny, piercing glass shard, but he would never get close.
Lunchbucket
(@quoththethestral) I don't understand how lunchbucket does it, there's just something about their writing that's so incredible. It's soft, but also with some kind of edge to it? Also, their fics are always so clever, and often feel kind of grown up in some way. (e.g. Petty (With a Prior), and the BEAUTIFUL Liebestraum)
Remus, in the throes of it, wondered why a word had never been created for the particular feeling — he was so out of his element, lost in some sort of space where he was surrounded by nothing but Sirius, and Sirius’ hands, and Sirius’ voice — terrified but satisfied indescribably, freed but held, these contrasting feelings fighting against each other all at the same time to create a sense of freefall unlike anything he had ever felt before.
aryastark_valarmorghulis
(@aryastark-valarmorghulis), An exceptional writer. There's no questioning that. I’m so so weak for: when we finally kiss goodnight.
Remus blinks, his ears ringing like a spell missed him by a whisker, his heart leaping somewhere between his chest and throat. “Or something,” he repeats, his stunned mind still not grasping the enormity of what Sirius just said but there’s no possibility to read anything different into his words. The clumsiest, truest, sweetest confession just fell into his hands and it’s so precious, Remus is afraid that translating the dizzy love into words could break it.
WrappedUp
(@wolfstarting) Yet another classic wolfstar writer! Always a safe choice if you want some quality writing! My favourites of theirs: Lock it down, and Just what the doctor ordered.
It feels mature. It feels right. It feels fucking wretched. It’s the first time he’s ever been aware of the feelings of another mattering to him at least as much, if not more than, his own.
moonymoment
( @blurryayse ). moonymoment really manages to swing from writing really good quality fluff and silliness (such as in lessen my load and Operation: Toebeans) to writing prose so poetic and lyrical it hurts (such as in ‘tis the damn season).
He’s a forest fire, a hurricane, an avalanche, he’s–
He’s all of these things, but primarily, he is Remus’s. For the night, he is Remus’s.
He’s Remus’s, wrists under his hands, skin in his mouth and between his teeth, every sound that falls out of his mouth like a trickle of sticky chardonnay following a sharp jawline, he’s all of these things. He’s a billion things. He’s a billion noises. He’s a sacrifice to be made.
drowsyanddazed
( @drowsyanddazed ) It was earlier this year that I stumbled upon my dear drowsyanddazed—and from the very first word I was hooked. All her stories are so very very lovely; she’s such a pro at capturing the feeling of (not really) unrequited love: the pining, the jealousy, and the sheer stupidity of our favourite boys. If this is something you like, you should read all of her fics right now!! (e.g losing my mind, thinking about you, and this desperate in love)
The black kohl along his water line is smudged, black flecks of it dusting his cheekbone. His hair is still flying everywhere, whipping across his face. He’s a mess. He’s the blurred edges of a photograph. He’s a heartbeat and stinging lungs. He’s the rattling behind Remus’ ribcage. And Sirius grins at him, tongue between teeth —illecebrous and tantalising and all things beautiful and dangerous— and all the air rushes out of Remus’ lungs in one fell swoop. He’s lightheaded and dizzy and burning.
Here you have ‘em! Now go enjoy!
xx Elliot🌸
#wolfstar#r/s rec list#wolfstar rec list#I’m sorry I can’t do a more thorough analysis of these writers’ prose#I just don’t know enough about literature#and I definitely don’t have the English vocabulary for it#sorry /:#shit this post got really long#whoops
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César Aira
He has published more than 100 novels, gives his work away, and his surrealist books have a massive cult following. Now Argentina’s favourite rule-breaker is tipped for the Nobel prize
Afew years ago when Patti Smith played at a cultural festival in Denmark, she told the crowd that she was happy to be playing in the presence of one of her favourite authors. It was said she had only agreed to play the festival because the author, César Aira, would be in the audience. Aira, although celebrated in his home country, Argentina, was little known outside Latin America until he was discovered in 2002 by the Berlin-based literary agent Michael Gaeb, who was enchanted by his unconventional, surrealist books, which shift atmosphere, and even genre, from one page to another.
At first it proved difficult to sell Aira’s novels to a wider audience. “The fundamental problem when promoting César’s work is that the editor always asks: ‘What is the novel about?’” Gaeb told me. “And in the case of César, it’s not easy to answer that question.”
Gaeb has since sold Aira’s books in 37 languages. At the start of October last year, the English betting site Nicer Odds named Aira as a favourite for the Nobel prize in literature, slightly ahead of candidates such as Haruki Murakami and Salman Rushdie, who have appeared more regularly on such lists.
“I already know that every October, until my death, I’m going to have to put up with that.” Said by any other writer, this would come across as a humble brag. But Aira doesn’t seem to be the kind of person who appreciates disrupting events. “Sometimes the candidacy is useful to me,” he said, laughing. “For instance, now we live in a more luxurious apartment, one a little beyond my circumstances. And they rent to me because they see that I am a candidate for the Nobel.”
His apartment is located just five blocks from his office, which in its turn was the house where he lived for more than 40 years with his two children and his wife, Liliana Ponce, a poet and a scholar of Japanese literature. The recent move took place because Ponce has an illness that affects her mobility, and the new building has an elevator.
Aira, who does not speak to the local press and whose interviews with foreign media are usually short and conducted via email, rarely leaves Flores, a lower-middle-class neighbourhood that’s best known today as a textile hub for the clothing stores in wealthier areas of the city. Early in his career, Aira developed a method called the fuga hacia adelante (something like “forward flight”), which consists of writing a few hours a day and never looking back to edit until he reaches the end of a tale. “I revise much more than I did before,” casually demystifying what is perhaps the fact most repeated about his work. “I think that I’ve become more demanding. Or else I’m writing worse than before.”
The novels were – and sometimes still are – written in neighbourhood bars, cafes and even fast-food joints, such as McDonald’s or Pumper Nic, a now-extinct Buenos Aires chain. “It began when my children were small,” he said. “If I had a bit of time, I escaped, and I went to write. But after the pandemic, the bars and cafes started to fill up a lot. And there’s the issue of the telephones. If at a neighbouring table two people are conversing, it’s possible to ignore them. But if there’s just one person talking on the phone, it’s as if they’re speaking with you. It’s horrible!”
Aira was born in Coronel Pringles, in a small town in the south of the province, 300 miles from the capital. “I was thinking just now of my first memories of childhood because they are of the revolution of 1955,” he said – the year Juan Perón was removed from power by a coup for the first time. There was only one cinema, and television had not yet caught on. But the town had two well-stocked public libraries. “When I was still a teenager, I was already reading Joyce, Proust and Kafka,” Aira said. His precocity was also stimulated by an amateur public education in which classes were taught not by specialised professors but by volunteers with gigantic private collections of books. There were doctors who taught philosophy classes (“in those days, doctors were humanists”) and lawyers who taught history. “I didn’t have that kind of bureaucratic education where the teacher knows more,” he said. “It was something a lot freer.”
When he was about 14 years old, Aira met Arturo Carrera, a friend who, like him, would become a nationally recognised writer. Aira dedicated himself to prose; Carrera, poetry. The friends tried to stay up to date with the literary world by getting hold of magazines that were based in the capital. One of those publications, Testigo (Witness), held a contest. Carrera sent a few poems, and Aira sent a story. They both came out winners.
At the time, the majority of promising secondary school students in Coronel Pringles continued their university studies in Bahía Blanca, a city 75 miles away. “Law was the only graduate course they didn’t have,” Aira said. He told his parents he was interested in a law degree and moved to the capital. “I wanted to come for the art galleries, the cinemas,” he said. For two years, he studied law at the University of Buenos Aires, and then he transferred to the department of literature.
Testigo folded before it could publish Aira’s winning story. But one of the judges of the award, the novelist Abelardo Arias, wrote to congratulate him. Aira and Arias began a correspondence, and soon Aira showed Arias a manuscript. Arias loved it and passed it on to the publisher Galerna, which agreed to print it.
“It was a big thing, even more so for a young person of that age,” Aira said.
One day, walking aimlessly through the streets of the city with a friend, he came across a building he knew. “Here, in this building, an editor wants to publish a novel of mine,” he told her. “Let’s go up.” When he arrived, he asked to speak with the person responsible for his book. Then he asked for the manuscript back: “I don’t want to publish it any more.” The editor was astonished.
I asked Aira why he’d acted like that. “Just because,” he said. He shrugged and laughed. “I wanted to impress her.”
To write all day long without revising until you reach the end of a story produces an obscene quantity of books. Nobody I met in Buenos Aires ventured to pin down exactly how many volumes Aira has published. César Aira, un catálogo (César Aira: A Catalogue), organised by the writer and lawyer Ricardo Strafacce, is the most notable effort to itemise his work. Launched in 2018 with the aim of helping the uninitiated, the catalogue reprints one page from each of Aira’s books. The catalogue was commissioned by his publisher in part to commemorate his 100th book (Aira likes round numbers), but in the time the catalogue took to reach the printer, Aira had already written two more.
When I sat with Strafacce in the Varela-Varelita bar in Buenos Aires at the end of a November afternoon, he was still indignant with the catalogue’s publisher, who he said had made changes without telling him. For instance, the publisher had edited the date of publication for the Aira story El hornero (The Ovenbird). “I’m furious,” he said. “You can talk to [the editor]. I don’t give a shit.” He complained about another small modification: in the biographical information for one of the titles, to his mention of Madrid, the editor had added “Spain”. In Strafacce’s eyes, the detail made him seem like an idiot, a “boludo”.
“Don’t writers get worked up about the most incredible minutiae?” said Francisco Garamona, the editor in question. With a cigarette in one hand and a glass of soda in the other, he explained that he’d merely used the version of El hornero that Aira himself had authorised, rather than the one in circulation, which was pirated. He was sitting on a sofa in La Internacional Argentina, his bookshop, where he also operates his publishing house, Mansalva. Today, Mansalva probably publishes the most titles by Aira. “There he is, and here are more, here’s another, and here,” Garamona said as he counted the shelves in the bookshop. “One, two, three … seven. Seven niches of just Aira.”
In a way, the decor reflected Garamona’s multifaceted career; in addition to being an editor and a bookshop owner, he is a musician, a film-maker, a poet and the former owner of an art gallery. Today he is also one of two editors whom Aira defined for me as “official”. The other is Damián Ríos, from the publisher Blatt & Ríos.
The honour of “official” editors must inspire some pride in Ríos and Garamona, because Aira has worked with more than a few. His extensive body of work is decentralised in dozens of editorial houses, the vast majority of them tiny, which makes him an author at once ubiquitous and elusive. In this context, it’s not difficult to understand how a controversy like the one with El hornero came about. Aira must be one of the few writers in the world, maybe the only one, to sell 25,000 copies of one title and at the same time launch other titles in much smaller print runs. He has never charged royalties or advances for the small publishing houses in Argentina. “That was the agreement I made with Michael [Gaeb],” Aira said. “I don’t meddle with the world. And he doesn’t meddle with Argentina. In Argentina, everything is free.”
Aira’s strong cultural presence today conceals the stuttering start of his career. “For many years, this was the only proof I was a writer,” he said, showing a handful of yellowing pages, the nucleus of a book without a cover. His voice shook, this time, emotion had truly moved him. In his hands was a copy of Moreira, considered by some to be his first published novel. In the background, an atmospheric combination of dissonant chords and piano notes faded away. “I only listen to Morton Feldman these days,” Aira said. He added that he’d recently made an exception to listen to Now and Then, a “new” song by the Beatles completed thanks to help from artificial intelligence.
After going up to the office of the publishing house Galerna in 1969, in that half-impulsive gesture to ask for his manuscript back, some years went by before Aira had a chance to publish again. Moreira was supposed to come out in 1975, but was delayed. The editor of the book was Aira’s friend Horacio Achával, owner of the publishing house Achával Solo. In 1976, there was another military coup in Argentina. “Horacio was a political militant and had to go away,” Aira said. “He took off. He went to Uruguay.” The copies of Moreira, still without a cover, were left stranded in a warehouse. Years later, Achával returned to the country and finalised the cover. The book was officially launched in December 1981, just weeks after Ema, la cautiva (Ema, the Captive), which came out from another publishing house in November 1981 and today disputes with Moreira the title of Aira’s official debut.
Strafacce told a different story. “Moreira was printed in June 1975,” he said. “The money ran out, and there wasn’t enough to print the cover because in the same month, there was a financial crisis and a bank run here in Argentina.”
Aira published a few books in the 80s, but according to Sandra Contreras, who founded a small publishing house that published him throughout the 90s and 2000s, it was not until 1990’s Los fantasmas (Ghosts) that he accelerated his production. At the time, she said, he also spoke more explicitly of a new phase, “the beginning of the regular publication of his novelas and novelitas”. Aira was the first author to be published not only by Contreras’s publishing house but also by Mansalva and Blatt & Ríos in the early 00s.
In the 90s, small publishers like these were rare. Garamona said that this began to change in 2001, when after almost a decade of one-to-one parity between the Argentine peso and the US dollar, the local economy went through one of the worst recessions in Latin American history. Importing books became expensive. And so, after spending years favouring authors from Spain, local bookshop owners finally had eyes for Argentine literature.
When Gaeb first encountered Aira’s work in Guadalajara, in 2002, Aira had already begun to occupy his paradoxical central position at the margins of the culture. “He is a writer who exists in different fields, at different levels,” the fiction writer and critic Alan Pauls says, from his Berlin study, in a conversation over Zoom. “On the one hand, he has quite a lot of popularity. And on the other, he remains a niche writer, a cult writer. We still think of him as a writer of the avant garde, a manufacturer of very sophisticated objects. He’s someone who occupies the centre to his regret, not because he looked for it.”
To get hold of Moreira today isn’t easy – on the site Mercado Libre Argentina, in mid-December, there was a copy going for about $1,200 (£950). On the cover that for years remained unfinished, there is a monstrous, saturnine figure riding a yellow horse. Beneath the image, the first sentence of the novel prominently appears: Un día, de madrugada, por las lomas inmóviles del Pensamiento bajaba montado en potro amarillo un horrible gaucho (“One day at dawn, through the unmoving hills of Thought, mounted upon a yellow colt, there descended a horrible gaucho”).
In Spanish, El Pensamiento can refer to both the abstract noun, and the village close to where Aira was born and spent his childhood. The phrase gives a taste of the kind of mixture harboured within the novel. Evoking Juan Moreira, a folkloric knife-fighting hero of the Argentine Pampas, the book narrates a gaucho-esque pantomime, shot through with philosophical allusions and images from dreams. In Moreira, one can already recognise the multifaceted and frenetically imaginative style for which Aira would later be known. But the Airean machine still seems to just be getting started: there is a heavy self-consciousness that is absent from the books that follow. In these later works, his prose is limpid and inviting. Here is the start of El mago (The Magician), published almost exactly 20 years after Moreira:
In March this year, the Argentine magician Hans Chans (his real name was Pedro María Gregorini) participated in a convention of illusionists in Panamá; the event, just as the invitation and promotional leaflet described, was a regional meeting of prestigious professionals, a preparation for the great world congress the following year, which was celebrated every 10 years and this time would take place in Hong Kong. The previous one had been in Chicago, and he had not gone. Now he planned not only to participate, but also to establish himself as Best Magician in the World. The idea was not crazy or megalomaniacal. It had a foundation as reasonable as it was curious: Hans Chans was a genuine magician.
Aira takes this magical premise seriously, drawing from the dilemma a tale both comic and – in its exploration of the complex relations between being and seeming – densely philosophical. Hans Chans has the gift to be an illusionist, but not the vocation. He is too self-indulgent to dedicate himself to the profession. The narrator writes: “Maybe, paradoxically, the advantage he had played against him and condemned him to mediocrity.” Without patience for the theatre of magic, Chans limits himself to drawing handkerchiefs from wine glasses, and things of that sort.
It would not be unfair to read El mago as an allegory for the career of Aira himself: of someone who has the gift of writing but for whom the most deeply rooted conventions of the profession seem meaningless. Just like Hans Chans, the author is aware of his gift. Aira is affable and courteous, but he is far from being modest. (Modesty, faked or not, is another convention of the profession.) About the manuscript he asked to take back from Galerna in 1969, he said: “It was better than anything else that was published at the time.”
He has never been afraid to throw darts at other writers. When we spoke, he was disdainful of Roberto Bolaño, saying he had read only one novel by the Chilean author, which he found “terrible”. Aira also said that the great Argentine novelist Juan José Saer had once warmed to him, when he was young and starting out, but then became envious when Aira started getting more attention. In 1981, shortly before Moreira was finally published, Aira wrote an essay titled Novela argentina: nada más que una idea (The Argentine Novel: Nothing But an Idea), which mounts a general attack on literature of the period. The essay begins:
The current Argentine novel, beyond a doubt, is a stunted, ill-fated species. In general terms, what defines a poor novelistic product is the poor use, crude and opportunistic, of the available mythical-social material. In other words, the meanings that dictate how a society lives at a given historical moment. But the literary transposition of a reality demands the existence of a very exact passion: that of literature. And a rapid, provisional survey, not at all exhaustive, of Argentine novelists reveals that they have not read deeply, and show a complete absence of that passion along with its epiphenomenon, talent.
Aira, who had not even published a novel at that time, sticks his scalpel swiftly and mercilessly into a series of authors, most of whom have been more or less forgotten. The essay, though, is remembered these days for Aira’s attack on Ricardo Piglia, who, until his death in 2017, was a kind of public rival to Aira, at least in terms of the very different literary forms they espoused.
Pauls linked Aira’s attacks at the start of his career to his ambition to reconfigure the Argentine novel. “When he emerges in the literary environment, he knows perfectly well the writers he has to tussle with,” he said. For Pauls, Aira disturbed the paradigm of a certain progressive Argentinian literature, a literature of the left, very masculine and politically committed. “Something that literary school could not stand, for example, was a certain kind of work with frivolity, with the banal, with the superficial,” Pauls said.
Aira’s style crystallised very early on. Even if Moreira is not at the level of his next books, there is no clear sense of progression in Aira’s trajectory. Maybe for that reason, none of the readers could point to a favourite work.
Aira said he will have two new novelitas ready soon. He said he plans to give one to Ríos and the other to Garamona. “And now I’ve been thinking, because one of them came out better than the other, more imaginative – who will I give that one to?” he said, laughing.
Aira rejects great theorising about his decision to give away books free or publish the majority with small publishing houses. “His form of publishing is part of his poetics, his resistance to editorial capitalism, his punk attitude,” Gaeb said.
Contreras classified the hyperproduction of little books for small publishers as an aesthetic decision. “Something like: it’s enough for a tale to be imagined to make it necessary to publish,” she said. “There is also a fascination for the book as a unique object.”
Pauls said he interprets this decision as an avant garde way of thinking: “If the kind of literature I make is never going to have hundreds of thousands of readers, what happens if I inundate the market with books?”
When Aira was asked if he was edited nowadays, first he said that “nobody revises anything”. Then he conceded that Ríos sometimes makes one comment or another. Ríos corroborated this, but found it hard to define the exact nature of his comments, and he made it clear that they weren’t about anything structural. Contreras said that in her day, she at most corrected the odd typo.
Garamona laughed at the notion of editing or revising a text by Aira. “He has written since he was a teenager without stopping, and has such a mastery of form and content that in the end there isn’t much left to do,” he said. “You just have to pick it up, make a good cover with a pretty design, correct two or three errata.”
Los hombrecitos con sobretodo (The Little Men in Overcoats) is the title of the novel Aira defined as the most imaginative of the two he recently finished. “What happens is that here in the neighbourhood, two blocks away, where the fire station is located, men pop out at night,” he said. “At midnight they come popping out of the ceiling. Little men suddenly appear like that, really tiny men, they all wear overcoats. And at night, I go and watch them.”
He spoke as if he were beginning a fairytale. The low, tremulous voice transiting between fine irony and rapture; the sense of humour; the erudition; the sedentary life in a dark house in the neighbourhood where he’d lived for decades, from which he generates cosmopolitan, compact stories full of metafictional layers – all of it reminds us a bit of Jorge Luis Borges.
For an Argentinian, to say a great local writer seems like or is influenced by Borges must sound absurdly lazy. But both authors start their brief, densely packed books with literary anecdotes or memories written in crisp prose. In the works of both, there are frequent essayistic digressions. Both persistently turn to the literary technique of ekphrasis. There are metafictional and metaliterary games, references to other works.
The main difference is perhaps in the intensity and direction of the narrative swerves, and Aira’s greater comfort with pop culture and genre literature. Whereas a story by Borges might take up a lost 19th-century Persian manuscript, a novel by Aira might locate it behind the balcony of a McDonald’s in Flores, pored over by an adolescent with an acne problem.
Borges was almost infantile in his complete dedication as a reader, distant from the mundane hustle and bustle of the world. Nobody had anything substantial to say about Aira’s private life either. “He likes to drink coffee and talk about literature,” Ríos said. Gaeb said that Aira sometimes seems to get along better with children. (In fact, the person about whom Aira spoke with the greatest passion, albeit briefly, was Arturito, his only grandson.)
Strafacce, his friend for more than 20 years, said he found it easier to explain what Aira doesn’t talk about. “We’re used to not speaking about politics because I’m Trotskyist,” he said. “And César is not.”
It was the week of the second round of the presidential election. A few days later, the Peronist Sergio Massa, a member of the centre-left governing coalition at the time, would be defeated by the far-right Javier Milei. “Milei is worse than Bolsonaro,” said Aira, in his only comment about politics.
That day, before going to the cafe, Aira passed through the Museo Barrio de Flores. Earlier, he had been irritated at a package from one of his foreign publishers: a box containing copies of one of his novels in Dutch translation. “They keep sending me those here,” he complained, as if sending books to the author himself were a kind of gaffe. Aira handles books with the avidity of a collector. He was mesmerised for a good while that afternoon by an edition of the French author Raymond Roussel, one of his surrealist idols, and he showed us a little purple box the size of a pack of cigarettes: a tiny special edition the Biblioteca Nacional had made of El ilustre mago (The Famous Magician), another novel of his. But for some reason, he wanted to rid himself of the box with the Dutch edition.
The Museo Barrio de Flores does exactly what its name suggests, displaying all kinds of memorabilia – old calculators and radios, paintings, newspaper clippings, political propaganda – related in some way to famous inhabitants of the neighbourhood. The definition of “famous” is broad, ranging from Perón – who lived there with his first wife – to the two preteen nieces of the museum’s director, who created a children’s library during the pandemic and appeared on the front page of the newspaper Clarín. Aira seemed at ease there. His name occupies one of the steps on the staircase by the front door. On the step above is the name of the great writer Roberto Arlt; on the one below, an advertisement for a real-estate broker.
Aira left the box of books with an employee and continued through the museum. At one point he dwelt on a framed letter written by Pope Francis, another former inhabitant of the neighbourhood. “Did you see how pretty the pope’s handwriting is? They don’t teach that in school any more, no.” He went to another room, where there was a showcase with some of Aira’s books.
When he opened the door, there was a group of ladies sitting around a big table. A class was in session. They all smiled pleasantly, focusing their attention on the author. Only the instructor of the course seemed to be younger than 65.
“What is the name of the little plane that flies near the ground?” one of the ladies asked.
“The what?” said Aira.
“The little plane,” the lady repeated, with a certain impatience, lowering her open palm toward the floor. “The one that flies near the ground.”
For a while, everyone stared at Aira, waiting for an answer. “An unexpected question,” joked the instructor awkwardly.
Aira shrugged, and we went to the corner to look at his showcase.
✔ This is an edited version of César Aira’s Magic, published in the Dial. The article originally appeared in the Brazilian magazine Piauí
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"Certainly Humans are Sinfully Stupid, but What's wrong with that?"
Summary: I will be dividing this essay into two main parts to address what Dazai had said in this panel to Dazai-sensei's writing. Then, in one short part I will attempt to connect some of what I had said back to BSD Dazai as a theory.
A/N: Basically take it as me rambling about my favorite bsd dazai panel and some of my personal take on dazai works which escalated and turned out much longer than I originally imagined... (by that I mean this became 6k+ words) Also just my contribution to Dazai's birthday <3 Also note that use of Chinese is present in this, since it’s much easier to find translated works of Dazai in this language, but if I do quote it, I will attempt to translate it
Warnings: Mentions of suicide, (if you're uncomfortable with it) religious wording, spoilers to some of Dazai's stories (works discussed [in relatively more detail]: No Longer Human, Otogizoshi, Blue Bamboo, Thinking of Zenzo, 正義與微笑, 思考的蘆葦)
1. Dazai about Human Weakness
2. Realization of “Sin”
3. “But what’s wrong with that”?
4. Brief Thoughts on BSD Dazai vs Dazai-sensei
5. Final Notes
6. Citations
This is probably my favourite Dazai panel out of all the manga panels of him there is. From his expression to his words, there's just so much to say about this panel. Yes, it always comes back to this panel with me, and I just incorporated it in my last analysis as well. But what I have more to speak on is how I personally see it connected to my view on Dazai-sensei's works that I have as of now.
So, I will be dividing this essay into two main parts to address what Dazai had said in this panel to Dazai-sensei's writing. In the first part, I shall address how it connects to my understanding of Dazai's works. Firstly by looking at the "sinful and foolish" part of Dazai's dialogue to Dazai-sensei's views on human weakness. Then, I will further elaborate on the choice of word "sin" which is present in both translations of this panel that I have seen. Finally, I shall address the latter part of Dazai's statement, a seeming acceptance of human weaknesses to Dazai-sensei's acceptance of humans in their paradoxical natures, especially in his middle-period works. Then, in one final part, I will attempt to connect some of what I had said back to BSD Dazai (though I would say this is more of a theory than an analysis).
In addition to Dazai's works, I will also be referring to some academic research in this for the sake of some sort of objectivity and aid, since I am not Japanese, no scholar of Dazai nor Japanese literature, my knowledge can only reach so far (even more so when I am reading translated versions and the fact that I do not know Japanese literary traditions), I am merely someone interested in Dazai’s works… I must also acknowledge that there are some biases on my side since this contains some of my personal interpretation of Dazai's works alongside my limitations since, I have also read a limited amount of Dazai’s works, so take it with a grain of salt, but I wanted to write down my thoughts. As for my Chinese literature/philosophy analysis I have embedded in a minor part, (source?) you can trust me (but as a Chinese person and having studied it as a local I can say with some sort of confidence that I know what I'm talking about).
1. Dazai about Human Weaknesses
“The weak fear happiness itself. They can harm themselves on cotton wool. Sometimes they are wounded even by happiness.” - No Longer Human[1]
Just as Dazai in this panel addresses the sinfulness and foolishness of humans. Human weakness and the human struggle in life are recurring themes quite often observed in Dazai's writing. In fact, when reading about Dazai in Chinese, I have sometimes come across his work being described as "the weak's literature" and even "the friend of the weak"[2]. In fact, at the end of Dazai’s short story Canis Familiaris he wrote about this directly, saying "the artist is the friend to the weak, that is his first motivation and ultimate goal".
In fact, readers of No Longer Human alone can sense this. Such as from Yozo's acute awareness of how humans behave, with their deceptiveness making it so he is unable to take their words at face value, to within Yozo himself, in that he sees himself as too cowardly, and weak to even reject other people, and even in the acute sensitivity readers see in Yozo which he fails to acknowledge that can be seen in how he equates his father's neutral expressions and lack of words as strong disapproval. I personally see Dazai to also be a quite sensitive person, if you read some of his open letters or just think about how he can acknowledge the things Yozo views in humans in the book.
In other works Dazai has written, human weakness is a concurrent theme. Such as in Run Melos! (a rewrite from an ancient Greek myth) Dazai mainly changed the main character's thoughts, such as considering betrayal and the guilt that follows, and how both Melos and Selinuntius both succumbed to it to some degree. Or how in his novel 《正義與微笑》 (From Chinese would be translated as Justice and Smile, I hadn’t found a translation of it in English;;), with the novel speaking about a teenager and his aspirations, observations and insights as he is growing up, how he is often met with disillusionment from everywhere from high school to university, in people and even in the path to his dream job. And multiple times throughout the book he succumbs to weakness as he thinks about giving up again and again on his current goals and dreams.
Perhaps, something quite fascinating which I have read in the essay Dazai's Women: Dazai Osamu and his Female Narrators, it is because Dazai is known for holding human weaknesses at high esteem, though, at first to the reader, they are seemingly portraying weakness in a bad light, in reality, he often uses such human weaknesses to humanize his characters[3]. This is most obviously portrayed, again, in No Longer Human, in which Yozo throughout the whole book sees and portrays himself as inhuman and utterly disqualified to be a human being. The title, however, is ironic as when readers look deeper into Yozo’s narration, they will be able to see that he is very often tripped up by his own very human weaknesses, even some of which are seen as terrible by societal standards, they are what make him nothing but human, some may perhaps even begin to describe Yozo as the most human person in the novel, or perhaps even too human.
Therefore, in fact, even though on the surface it may seem that such is portrayed in a bad light, the same essay says "according to Ueda: “in [Dazai’s] view, an evil person is a man who has no understanding of, and therefore no sympathy for, human weakness" [3]. From what little amount I could access to Ueda’s book, he also said that “Dazai discovered that ‘human reality was ultimately filthy and ugly’ and maintained that ‘literature should not concern itself wholly with the fact’ but with a deeper truth, namely the beauty of man’s basic human weakness”[4].
This may perhaps have something to do with the fact that "Dazai" saw himself as a weak person[5], in fact, he kind of admitted to it in his book Otogizoshi, where he wrote that “while I presume to understand to some extent the psychology of the weak, perhaps because I’m a helpless sort myself, I’m afraid I don’t really have a clear understanding of the psychology of the powerful—particularly the absolutely invincible variety, which I’ve never met or even known to exist”[6]. Though this is debatable since according to the book Dazai Osamu, it writes Dazai likes potraying himself as a failure. If you think about it the fact that he is willing to cut so deep to look into human existence shows a slightly different perspective, there seems to be some sort of bravery and strength necessary to it. So simultaneously when reading how Dazai often describes himself or the narrator as weak, this is something we must keep in mind, also to keep in mind some sort of objectivity despite the use of personal modes in Dazai’s works.
And perhaps this influenced why Dazai saw human weakness as not only an essential human trait but also something to be proud of, and something in which one could find beauty[7].
2. Realization of "Sin"
“The Bible says, "he who is forgiven little, loves little." Do you know what this means? Only those who are confident that they have made no mistakes in life are heartless. Those who are sinful have deep affection.” - Dried Leaves of Spring[8]
So how does Dazai find beauty in human nature and its weaknesses?
Before I address this, I must first acknowledge why the choice of the word “sins” or “sinfully” (depending on the translation) in this panel is important. Not only is it because it is (sort of) mentioned in No Longer Human in the synonyms and antonyms game Yozo played:
I said, feigning tranquillity, "Crime. What's the antonym of crime? This is a hard one."
"The law, of course," Horiki answered flatly. I looked at his face again. Caught in the flashing red light of a neon sign on a nearby building, Horiki's face had the somber dignity of the relentless prosecutor. I felt shaken to the core.
"Crime belongs in a different category."[9] - No Longer Human
Though in Donald Keene’s translation (which is the translation that is most commonly seen), it is translated as “crime” perhaps since Yozo references Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment. Interestingly enough in Chinese and Japanese, Crime and Punishment are written as 罪與罰 and 罪と罰 respectively, and from my knowledge in Chinese, with 罪 meaning both crime and sin. For further proof of this, in the article A Religion of Humanity: A Study of Osamu Dazai’s No Longer Human, Hijiya also changed the translation of “crime” to “sin”, and in their notes, they acknowledged that they “[had] taken the liberty of changing certain terms and phrases in order to bring out the fuller meaning of the original”[10].
Along with that, it should also be understood that Dazai had read the Bible, he even referenced it across some of his works which I have read such as in sections of 《思考的蘆葦》, 《正義與微笑》 which has moments with the main character speaking of the Bible with his brother and even in Fallen Flowers, in which he parallels himself to Thomas’ doubt on Christ’s resurrection as well as the quote I have selected above. However, Dazai was not a Christian, but he read it thoroughly and tried to interpret the Bible according to his own terms, and it is suspected that Dazai “sensed some kind of dark side in humans that can be identified with the Christian notion of sin”, the essay I read suggests if not the Christian notion of sin, it is perhaps similar to a sense of human frailty that is deep within every person[11][12]. So though when referring to "sin" on Dazai's side isn't really religiously connected necessarily, but it's difficult to think of a word to replace it, so I will add quotations, also this wording will benefit the understanding of a latter part.
With this understanding, we can now return to Dazai and human weaknesses to address the quote at the beginning of this section in which Dazai sees people who are “sinful have deep affection”[13]. This, however, does not directly mean that those who have committed many crimes have deep affection, rather it is “those who sin and have a deep realization of their sinfulness become modest, kind, and deeply affectionate people”[14]. This is fitting for "Dazai" whose unwavering conviction in writing literature was “remorse, confession and reflection”[15]:
「您到底——」客人似乎也對我的優柔寡斷生氣了,換個語氣說,「對於寫小說抱持甚麼樣的信念?比方說,人道主義,或是愛啦,社會正義啦,美啦,那些東西,打從您步入文壇,直到現在,乃至將來,可有這樣一個始終堅定不移的信念?」
「有的。是悔恨。」這次,我終於可以不假思索立刻回答。「沒有悔恨的文學,只不過是狗屁。悔恨、告白、反省,近代文學——不,近代精神想必就是從那之中誕生的。因此——」我又結巴了。- 海鷗 from 《思考的蘆葦》(A short story I enjoyed but hadn't seen in English as well)[16]
Translation by me (with possible errors):
"You—" the guest also seemed to be angry at my fickleness, and said in a different tone, "what convictions do you hold about writing fiction? Humanism, for example, or love, social justice, beauty, that stuff. Since the time you entered the literary world, until now, and even in the future, can you have such an unwavering conviction?"
"Yes. It's remorse." This time, I could finally answer immediately without hesitating. "Literature without remorse is just bullshit. Remorse, confession, reflection, modern literature—no, the modern spirit must have been born out of that. So—" I stuttered again.
I think it's also really interesting that in The Setting Sun, Dazai also wrote “'I wonder if there is anyone that is not depraved’ Naoji wrote in his notebook... Perhaps by depravity he actually meant tenderness”, which also fits this idea.
And, therefore, it is perhaps this deep realization of “sin” that Dazai harboured that allowed an establishment of a sort of kindness in his work[17]. So, below, through No Longer Human, and Thinking of Zenzo, I will attempt to establish how in Dazai’s work we can showcase the connection between the realization of “sin” and affection.
Beginning with No Longer Human, Dazai conveys this through Yozo’s fragilely sensitive nature, though on one hand causes him to see the dark side of human nature, and on the other allows for him to be sympathetic towards those in sorrow and pain:
“People talk of “social outcasts.” The words apparently denote the miserable losers of the world, the vicious ones, but I feel as though I have been a “social outcast” from the moment I was born. If ever I meet someone society has designated as an outcast, I invariably feel affection for him, an emotion which carries me away in melting tenderness.” - No Longer Human[18]
Additionally, from an interpretation I quite like from The Religion of Humanity, Yozo’s invention of clowning can also be interpreted as an establishment between the realization of “sin” and affection. Because as Hijiyam mentioned, just as clowning serves as a means for Yozo to protect himself, it is also “a positive means for him to demonstrate his compassion and understanding”[19], to identify with people despite his dread of them as his “last quest at love [he] was to direct at human beings”[20]. Though by doing so, he only further recognizes his “sinfulness” in his deceit, which alienates him, it is what ultimately allowed him to identify with the outcasts in the first place. I think it's also fascinating that in his novel 《正義與微笑》the main character's main belief he constructed from the beginning of the novel was 「以微笑行正義」 (tr. to practice justice through a smile), and so by becoming an actor at the end of the novel, which is an extension of this belief, it conveys a sense of "love", as described in the translator's note, along with justice[21].
Whereas in the short story Thinking of Zenzo (one of my favourite Dazai short stories), this sense is not as obvious as that in No Longer Human. I have always found it fascinating that at the beginning of Thinking of Zenzo "Dazai" decided to acknowledge and confess his "sins" before the beginning of the narrative (though admittedly I tend to forget about this part):
“Forgive me. That was uncalled for. I'm in no position to stand above humanity, acting as prosecutor, or judge. I have no right to condemn others. I am a child of evil. Beyond redemption. I suspect my past sins are fifty or a hundred times greater than yours. And even now I continue to sin. However I try to watch myself, it's hopeless. Not a day goes by that I don't do something evil. I could prostrate myself before God, my hands bound together with ropes, and devote myself to prayer, but even then, before I knew it, I'd be committing some atrocious deed. I'm a man who ought to be whipped. Whip me till the blood spurts out; I would have no choice but to bear it in silence.” - Thinking of Zenzo[22]
And perhaps because of this realization of “sin”, although "Dazai" (it should be noted that his wife actually said that only about 50% of this story is truth of what she witnessed) narrated the story with him being sold roses by a fraud, him being too weak to refuse, and him commenting on how the people from his hometown dislike him. But he continues to wish that the woman who had swindled him could prove to him that she wasn’t lying.
So, when later finds out that even though the woman, in the beginning, had swindled him into buying the roses, that was just as good as she said, and that she was probably “[one of those] people who make their living selling things [by lying] even when they don't need to”, he not only felt contented.
“Taking a seat on the veranda, puffing at my cigarette, I felt not a little contented. God exists. Surely He exists. Green pastures are where you find them. Behold the fruits of non-resistance. I considered myself a fortunate man. They say to experience sorrow at any price. That the blue sky is most beautiful when seen through a prison cell window. And so on. I gave thanks. And for a moment, this thought flashed through my mind: As long as these roses are living, I am king of my own heart.” - Thinking of Zenzo[23]
He even equates the woman with the people from his hometown by saying:
"Maybe she was from my homeland, that woman," I said. My cheeks felt warm for some reason. "So she wasn't entirely a fraud, eh?" - Thinking of Zenzo[24]
Seeming not only to have accepted the actions of the woman but also the people from his hometown.
And so when looking at the text as a whole, understanding that it was first framed by his recognition of his own “sins”, then by his narration on the roses, before finally his gathering back in his hometown, and ending with a seeming acceptance of both those that have seemingly “wronged” him, one can wonder if the recognition of “sins” is once again, as we viewed in No Longer Human, the key to such affection he found at the end of the story.
3. "What's wrong with that?"
“請你更積極地愛這個俗世，恨這個俗世，一生都沈浸享受其中吧。” - Blue Bamboo (tr. Please actively love this world, hate this world, immerse in it all your life)
Following the line of thinking above that the realization of “sin” and weaknesses therefore could allow for affection and kindness. Below, I will argue that this understanding, perhaps allows a sort of acceptance for humans and even their paradoxical natures, which is present in some of his middle-period works, such as Blue Bamboo, and the stories from Otogizoshi.
In Blue Bamboo, this sense of finding peace within the human world, regardless of its flaws is perhaps the most obvious out of all the works I will discuss, at least to me. Especially with its ending as "he ever again heard to utter another pompous word about the ‘Way of the superior man’ but quietly carried on in the same humble poverty as before” even though he previously said, “The world is drunk; I alone perceive the truth!” and in the end even decided to “bury himself in the dust of the world”[25].
Before I explain more thoroughly how this portrays what I intend to argue, I should note that Dazai said that he “wrote [Blue Bamboo] in the hope that it would be read by the people of China. It is to be translated into Chinese”, it is also a rewrite from a Chinese tale[26]. Therefore, within the story itself, there are references to Chinese philosophy, culture, and allusions to Chinese literature that people who are not familiar with Chinese literature may miss. Therefore, below I will explain some of the terms and allusions which may be missed.
Firstly, the “way of the superior man” or what we call Junzi (which literally means gentleman), is a reference to Confucius and his Analects, and it is a Chinese philosophy of life, and the term Junzi it contains the idea about how their moral conduct makes them a moral exemplar, basically if you're a Junzi you are a moral exemplar. This was an important concept in ancient China, I would say, and can even be seen to be followed by a good amount of ancient Chinese poets, and is why, if you are familiar with Chinese poets, poets sometimes go into recluse-- to separate from the “vulgar” worldly concerns and the corruption of the court, to showcase themselves as different and lofty than others. Though perhaps you will think it is arrogant of them, this was in fact seen as noble. I should also note that these Junzi needed to follow certain rules, one of which is to not associate themselves with those who are of “inferior” morals, hence why they go into reclusion I guess, again you can find them in Confucius and his Analects.
Secondly, I must address the allusion to Qu Yuan (if you know about the Dragon Boat Festival, yes this festival is to commemorate him) through the fact that Yu Jung quoted his most famous last words: “The world is drunk; I alone perceive the truth!”. Which in Chinese is「眾人皆醉我獨醒」, if we translate it directly it means the world is drunk only I am sober, which on a more metaphorical level talks about the corruption of the Chinese royal court, and how he is the only one to not be tainted by the corrupt ways of the court, and that he alone perceives the truth that they are corrupt. The phrase that Dazai quoted is symbolic of this sentiment because literally, it is using the world being drunk, in contrast to him being sober, as a juxtaposition to convey how he is superior to the rest of the world. I also like to add that this is not the whole statement, the first half of the statement was「舉世皆濁我獨清」, basically saying that he is the only pure one in the world of the corrupt, or in direct translation would mean filthy.
So, understanding these concepts, when going back to the story Blue Bamboo, we would understand that what I had mentioned implies that even though Yu Jung saw the corruptness and “filthiness” of the world, but still decided to give up the “way of the superior man” in the end which would keep him “pure”, and decided to live and dwell in this corrupt world and “bury himself in the dust of the world”, which I guess could be a connection to the first part of Yu Quan’s statement.
Perhaps this is the result of the fact that though he seems to want to follow the "way of the superior man", he still finds himself attached to the world, as indicated in his dialogue: “It’s so beautiful. How I’d love to show this to my wife back home!” even though he was taken to a haven out of the reach of man[27]. Though this seems to be paradoxical for Yu Jung, Dazai’s work didn’t punish him, and in fact, it was encouraged by Blue Bamboo, the one who brought Yu Jung to the haven.
“It appears you can’t forget your wife after all,” whispered Blue Bamboo, peering at him.
“Don’t be silly. That woman hasn’t the slightest respect for my learning. She makes me wash the dirty clothes, and push boulders around... Besides, they say she’s my uncle’s mistress. There’s nothing about her that’s worth remembering.”
“Perhaps that’s precisely what you find so precious about her, precisely what makes you miss her so—that she’s beyond redemption. I’m certain that’s what you really feel, deep inside. Didn’t Mencius say that compassion lies deep in every man’s heart? I think your true and greatest aspiration was to share life’s hardships with your wife, to live with her free of malice or resentment or spite, for the rest of your days. Go home.” Blue Bamboo’s countenance had suddenly taken on a forbidding sternness; she spoke the words sharply and without the least equivocation. “Go now.” - Blue Bamboo[28]
And another interesting thing is that in the original version of the tale, Yu Jung’s wife was not portrayed as bad as in Dazai’s version, yet the fact that Yu Jung still thinks of her, could perhaps, allow Dazai to further showcase Yu Jung’s inability to let go of the human world despite its woes[29]. All of this, which is full of contradictions, yet wholly accepted by both characters of the short story thus allows the main message of the story to be conveyed:
“Human beings must suffer through their entire lives amid the love and hate that rule their world. There is no escape. All you can do is endure. Endure and struggle, struggle and endure. Learning is a splendid thing, but to make a show of having risen above worldly affairs is cowardly and mean. You must become even more attached to the world, and spend your life immersed in the hardships it presents you with. That’s what the gods most love to see in a person. I’m having the servants prepare a boat for you. Get on it, and return directly to your home. Farewell.” - Blue Bamboo[30]
An acceptance of humans with all their flaws and contradictions. Also, if you read more of Dazai’s work, you would perhaps realize that the phrase being “unable to renounce [human] society”[31] or a similar sentiment appears more often than you would think, as off the top of my head in addition to Blue Bamboo, I can think of 3 other works: No Longer Human, Thinking of Zenzo and Otogizoshi that have such a sentiment present in them.
Similarly, Dazai’s four stories in Otogizoshi also present a similar picture, in which the main character escapes or attempts to escape to a haven beyond the human world due to their discontent with the real world, these havens only last for these characters a little while before they are returned to the real world. I think the book Studies in the Comic Spirit in Modern Japanese Fiction describes it really well:
“In the "forgetfulness" that consoles Urashima when he finds himself a lonely old man, in the husband's bitter smile and his comment "I owe my good fortune to my wife; I made things so hard for her" at the conclusion of Shitakiri Suzume, even in the plaintive "Was it wrong to love you?" that summarizes the Tanuki's demise in Kachikachiyama, there is a similar note of acceptance, an understanding that we can only reconcile ourselves to the ultimate irreconcilability of things. Contradictory characters, even the contradictions within a single character, must be taken as they are; and it is better to accept them with a smile, however faint, than to bewail them.”[32]
I also think it is interesting to note that in the same essay it also talks about how “these idealized or liberated worlds exist only so that the characters may return from them to their ordinary worlds. Utopias cannot hold the human spirit for long; it naturally gravitates away from perfection and back toward the confusion, the irreconcilable contrasts of the world of its origin”, and that “as the characters' sojourns in these great good places [it] provides them with an ability to endure life with a sense of acceptance and tolerance that they previously lacked, [and the] reading of their stories endows [readers] with some of the same capacity”[33].
4. Brief Thoughts on BSD Dazai vs Dazai-sensei
But does Dazai actually believe in the same things Dazai-sensei appears to believe? This is actually the question that has troubled me the longest, I have already had some thoughts about what I had written above since last year, but was not (and still am not completely) confident enough in my understanding, so I will... try... not say too much on this. Besides, though BSD Dazai is inspired by Dazai-sensei it is clear that Asagiri-sensei also made him a kind of new character separate from his real-life counterpart in ways, the most obvious would be the reverse of Dazai and Akutagawa’s dynamic.
I also think this is a very difficult question to answer because, for one, Dazai’s thoughts are hardly revealed, we have never seen his point of view on his things, so we are unsure of his true intentions a lot of the time, which is understandable since it allows the author to give the readers a sense of their enigma and allow them to maintain an air of mysteriousness, and added upon this is his paradoxical nature.
On the other hand, Dazai-sensei is also quite confusing since there are also reasons to have skepticism about some details which Dazai-sensei writes. Because, according to the book, Dazai Osamu, it writes Dazai just writes in a way that invites skepticism, especially when, though it is often said that Dazai seems to write in an I-novel format, research I have read said that "very few if any of Dazai’s works can be called I-novels", plus sometimes even in his already unreliable narrators, Dazai seems “unwilling to commit the whole truth to one character”, for example, if you have read The Setting Sun, you would notice that in addition to Kazuko, Dazai also seems to communicate his views through the voice of Naoji[34]. “At times [also] Dazai seems to mix up objective and personal modes of narration as a means of tantalizing his readers”[35], but even so one of the postscripts of the BSD manga also says that Dazai in fact also liked making his readers smile.
In addition to this, Dazai, or at least he writes, doesn’t like commenting on his own works. In《思考的蘆葦》he makes his attitude seem like you if you don’t like it then don’t read it, but even so, he also writes that “[he] and his work live as one. [He] always puts everything [he] wants to say in his works. So [he] has nothing else to say [on his works]” so even if there is unreliability in his works if you wish to understand his thoughts you still have to look at his works (do note that this is translated from Chinese)[36]. This is why I once again remind you that the above is merely some of my interpretation of Dazai’s works.
But if I have to give my opinion, I think BSD Dazai’s belief doesn’t completely follow Dazai-sensei’s apparent belief. I think BSD Dazai follows through something more similar to Yozo’s thoughts and desires in No Longer Human than all of what Dazai-sensei seems to believe and I think that makes sense since Dazai seems to be inspired by Yozo, writing this made me question whether NLH is truly an I-novel... one paper I found says that scholars seem to see it more as fictional than an I-novel which is fascinating.
But it should be noted that No Longer Human does seem to be reflective of some of the things as I have written above, but is most similar in my opinion to the second section of my essay, which is those that are “sinful have deep affection”. But rather than being able to completely find affection in them, though Yozo does voice out his love for humans, he is still afraid of them, therefore cannot completely be at peace with them, which I think is similar to Dazai. Another thing that is similar is their perhaps their strive towards grasping the essence of “sin”:
Because if you think about it, the fact that Dazai decided to put himself “somewhere close to raw emotions where [he] is exposed to violence and death, instinct and desire, [to] brush against man’s truest nature” and in it, he wants to find a reason to live. In a past analysis, I had also raised the question of why Dazai is trying to find light in life in such a dark place? I do still think my past conclusions are still valid, that he is trying to find some good in humans in such a dark place by trying to grasp the true nature of humans.
I noticed that this can be seen as a parallel to Yozo from No Longer Human with his quest for love towards human beings, in which he tried to find as he said “If we knew the antonym of [sin], I think we would know its true nature”[37], that by understanding “sin” he can have a fuller understanding of human existence, since “sin” seems to be the core problem in human existence, then maybe by finding the opposite of it he could find hope perhaps.
However, if you have read the novel, then you would notice that attempting to find hope and affection for humans this way ends up badly. Because this acts as a double-edged sword. If we see Yozo as taking this belief as his reason for living in No Longer Human, then following the narrative when something as easy as his trust for human beings shatters, then both his hope for humans and purpose for living is simultaneously shattered, and he could ultimately fall into despair, especially if he is as sensitive as Yozo. And surrounded by the people that he had, like Horiki which led to what happened to his wife who almost seemed like a personification of goodness that he found so hard to find because he saw human selfishness destroy this rare human goodness and "his fear that human nature is essentially destructive is confirmed"[38]. Which caused him to lose all trust in humanity that he so wanted and clung onto... And even made him the question is “trustfulness a sin”, "is immaculate trustfulness after all a source of sin"[39]. Trustfulness was something Yozo seemed to hold at high esteem which is fascinating for Yozo who is also so distrustful of humanity. But in fact even so despite all those woes, I continue to feel the person that harbors this trust is still Yozo, in a way he is the trusting genuis that he saw in his wife which made him affectionate of her, but even this 'trustfulness' has some nuance, as it is not just pure trust, but what his wife shows is a sense of trust in goodness, in Yozo’s goodness that he didn't drink despite the fact that he insisted and actually did drink, so despite his distrust he continues wishes to trust fearfully, fragilely, so this with his wife is a sort of gamble you can say, a gamble to see if the world would prove his fears right or what he desires to trust, in a sense this can even be seen as Yozo trying to reach for hope, and in a way BSD Dazai is similar like this, deep inside he knows these things Yozo has ‘come to realized’ are true, but he doesn’t want to comprehend them, he is trying to find them false still, it is a walking contradiction. What I personally interpret here is that in a way trust, especially immaculate trust which is what was written in the novel can be eventually seen as a sign of weakness in this cruel world, even though Yozo believes it was a sign of goodness, so it has come to is this sign of goodness also a sin? This realization here can be interpreted as there's only such a fine line between purity and "sin" (human frailty), you know this reminds me of something Dazai wrote in another book, so it's like should this aspect of 'weakness' really be called sin? Should it be punished?
I wonder if he didn’t hear Oda’s last words to him, if he would perhaps fall into this kind of despair, or at least something close to it, as well… But of course we should note that the relationship between Yozo and his wife and Dazai and Oda are much different, I don't just mean it just by romantically, Oda is a much different person than what Yozo’s wife represents, while Yozo’s wife represented a sense of purity and goodness that is untainted by the world, Oda is clearly morally dubious but chooses to do good, and in a way this makes both Yozo's wife and Oda similarly as a figure of "goodness" that's as far as the parallel goes, I feel like Dazai sees more of Oda as an equal than him being a personification of goodness, but fascinating enough Oda and Dazai are a bit similar just as Yozo and his wife are in a sense, but of course this is conclusions I have come to just by seeing the anime dark era not the light novel, I can't get access to it... But rather than what happened to Yozo, Dazai had Oda’s last words to guide him. Which I think is a good thing because I think Dazai is much more likely to find something close to what he is searching for on the “good side”, but as Oda said, I don't think he will find what he had been initially searching for but perhaps he will find something else that will bring him some sort of consolation. But I think the fact that we have seen throughout the series, that Dazai is drawn to specific people with traits, which I think he doesn’t see himself having, such as humanity, kindness and such traits seems to show us this.
And if we are following this line of thinking, maybe then we would have a greater understanding of why Dazai could be so adamant about getting rid of Fyodor. Because as Fyodor has seemed to have stated in the manga quite a few times, as well as having displayed in Dead Apple, which I have briefly analyzed in my last analysis, The Growing Divergence between Fyodor and Dazai, while Fyodor seems to see people in their sinfulness as something to be destroyed:
And if we follow Dazai as inspired by Yozo, then Dazai seems to be someone who still hasn’t found the “antonym to [sin]”, as we can see present in the novel:
“Actions punishable by jail sentences are not the only crimes [/sins]. If we knew the antonym of [sin], I think we would know its true nature. God . . . salvation . . love... light. But for God there is the antonym Satan, for salvation there is perdition, for love there is hate, for light there is darkness, for good, evil. [Sin] and prayer? [Sin] and repentance? [Sin] and confession? [Sin] and . . . no, they're all synonymous.
What is the opposite of [sin]?"
…
[Sin] and punishment. Dostoievski. These words grazed over a corner of my mind, startling me. Just supposing Dostoievski ranged '[sin]' and 'punishment' side by side not as synonyms but as antonyms. [Sin] and punishment - absolutely incompatible ideas, irreconcilable as oil and water. I felt I was beginning to understand what lay at the bottom of the scum-covered, turbid pond, that chaos of Dostoievski's mind - no, I still didn't quite see . . . Such thoughts were flashing through my head like a revolving lantern when I heard a voice.” - No Longer Human[40] (Yozo has in fact never finished this thought)
I think his desire to get rid of Fyodor could potentially be out of fear that Fyodor is right (this was my initial guess). Because in my opinion, despite how much Dazai wants to die, he also wants to find a reason to live desperately but if he cannot find it, then dying would be a better option, it is better not to live. And he is constantly afraid that he cannot find it even as he continues to live, but if he wants to live, then he must secure this (I think @/bsd-bibliophile speaks of it really well here). Because Dazai is a character filled with paradoxes, which I think is one of the reasons why it is so hard to grasp him, he is almost fickle, it is hard to say explicitly he is this way, he is that way. This is in fact very similar to Dazai’s writing, which I shall once again reference Studies in the Comic Spirit in Modern Japanese Fiction:
“Dazai himself was keenly conscious of what an imperfect vessel he was to present himself as a "model for the world," a model that offered no answers, full of paradoxes in a world full of paradoxes but not even aware of them. The act of becoming a writer, calling attention to the follies and deceits of the world, and presenting his own conspicuously imperfect life as a "model" would be a dubious proposition at best. Thus there is an inherent ambivalence to his role which, in his more dispassionate moments, is reflected in his work in the form of a highly ironic outlook, presenting the inevitable paradoxes as faithfully as possible, and then attempting to derive as much consolation as possible from the endlessly intriguing details of the show”[41].
Anyways, I have gone off track, or maybe, as we would see that both Dazai and Fyodor seem to understand fully that humans are “sinful and foolish”, they are both highly intelligent and I would say both seem to recognize their wrongdoings as well which cause some kind of self-hatred. And yet, from here their beliefs diverge, Dazai though hasn't found an antonym for “sin”, or that perhaps even realized that "living itself is a source of sin" [42], as in "sinning" is unavoidable or even maybe there's very little difference between other things and "sin", but once believed that Crime/“Sin” and Punishment are something close to antonyms but reality shows his thinking to be different, while Fyodor seems to see that punishment, getting rid of ability users, is the only way to get rid of it, though there's an extra dimension to it that he also has to become crime to punish it fully, I guess it's more so a cause and effect, antonyms and synonyms in his pov, so I wonder if part of that reason for his seeming desperate wanting to be rid of Fyodor also stemmed from fear, because Dazai could find himself picturing himself, or his past self, in Fyodor? Their thinking is quite similar... It may be just their understanding of "sin" that they differ in which caused their divergences.
So despite what he says, like the panel which inspired this essay, he is still unsure of some parts of it, but I think he is trying to convince himself of it, especially that last part. It's like he wants to believe it but cannot fully have himself do so.
I also do think that if the above is indeed what Dazai believes, the reason Dazai may be holding so tightly onto this belief, humans are sinfully foolish but what's wrong with that, even though he himself has yet to fully believe it may also be because of Oda’s last words: “To be on the side that saves people” and “People exist to save themselves” (an interpretation from @/bsd-bibliophile I like is even though what people are doing are motivated by their best interests it could also benefit those around them) and of course Oda’s trust, that even he who had done so much terrible things can possibly help and save people? And Dazai trusts Oda, even though he’s desperately holding onto them, because, though maybe one wouldn’t normally associate it with him but trust, to me, is a very crucial aspect to Dazai, a similar narrative is presented in his works as well, as probably symbolized during the Guild arc when he was holding onto the matchbox ‘advising’ Kyouka:
I also don’t think that if Dazai really fully believed what he said ("but what's wrong with that?"), when he asked how many people Kyouka killed, he would make this expression:
If you think about it, it almost feels like Dazai is repeating some of what Oda had implied to him on his final words to others. And maybe... Just maybe, Dazai's final evolution would be fully accepting that? Because if there is little difference between either good and bad things and "sinning", but you can help people along the way even when doing so by doing "good", maybe it's not so bad? Maybe it's a bit more wonderful.
But of course that's not to say that these words aren't sincere, because in a way they are, Dazai's whole character is a kind of struggle in my opinion, like that presented in so many of his works, it's like I want to believe it, but the world sometimes proves me differently, but I want to trust that what I feel deep inside is true, can I find it in myself to believe it? His words are sometimes in a way consoling himself and others.
But understanding it this way then raises the question of what are abilities supposed to be/symbolize? What is the nature of abilities? Why do some people have it when others do not? Since we understand that there are people too in this bsd universe without an ability as well even though it focuses mainly on people with abilities. But why is Fyodor so intent on only getting rid of ability users? Why are the ability users the only ones with "sin"? I would say in contrast Dazai is more likely to believe that everyone harbors "sin" rather than just ability users, which parallels how I understand Dazai-sensei to think of "sin". This can actually perhaps be traced to the very subtle differences in what Dazai and Fyodor say in raw manga panels of chapter 46:
Fyodor: 「人は罪深く愚かです」
Dazai: 「...確かに人は皆罪深く愚かだ...」
With the character 皆 meaning all in Chinese. But of course I do not know Japanese, I can only guess the meaning Kanji characters if they are written the same as Chinese characters. But I also think the pause in the beginning of Dazai's sentence, hesitance perhaps, is also interesting to note.
And, of course, this is pure speculation on my part, these parallels are simply my own takes. I hope my thoughts here aren't too incoherent… but I am trying to interpret the author’s thoughts. I also wish I could add things about Dostoevsky’s works to this, but unfortunately, I have only finished reading one of his works (Notes from Underground) so far. But this is probably nothing but my best guess that I have about Dazai's character, as I had mentioned, this is merely a theory. Of course this is only my own way of thinking and understanding it. I think it helps make sense of some things, but of course it is but my speculation. But I think by understanding the source of BSD Dazai's inspiration, we may be able to potentially have a fuller understanding of his views, and perhaps where his arc is heading towards. That's why I always wished we could get even a glimpse at Dazai's thoughts... I know I probably have a very different outlook at Dazai from most people because of the fact that my understanding of Dazai is also influenced from how I understand his irl counterpart's works.
5. Final Notes
Honestly, this rambling has come to become way longer than I had originally intended… I honestly just really wanted to talk about my feelings for Dazai-sensei's works. But if nothing else had resulted from this essay, I hope that I could encourage or at least make more people want to read Dazai’s works because Dazai's works really do have a certain charm to them, I remember reading one analysis about how the use of words and changing perspectives, like going from the third point of view to addressing the readers with "you" can draw the reader in, there's also a certain sense of intimacy in his works... You know there's this one Chinese description from one of Dazai's books (小說燈籠 or in English Lanterns of Romance) that has always stuck to me:
對太宰治來說，這個世界沒有善惡，只有喜歡或討厭；人生未必無常，無非是喜劇或悲劇。而喜劇供給慰藉，悲劇予以救贖，都是亙古不變的心靈藥劑，療癒許多因戰亂而深感孤獨的哀傷靈魂。在太宰的故事裡沒有壞人，只有軟弱的人，但軟弱並非罪惡，正因為軟弱更能體會點點溫情。太宰總在內心痛苦、身感疲憊時，反而拼命製造愉快的氣氛。太宰本人，即是哀傷的喜劇。眾人以為他極度自私，事實上，他總顧慮著他人的感受。或許他認為只要帶給周遭溫柔，自己也能溫暖起來吧。[43]
Tr. For Dazai Osamu, there is no good or evil in this world, there is only like or dislike; life is not necessarily uncertain, it is nothing more than a comedy or a tragedy. While comedy provides consolation, tragedy provides salvation. They are eternal spiritual medicines, healing many sad souls who are deeply lonely due to war (A/N: did you know during the war Dazai wrote to console the hearts of people?). In Dazai's stories, there are no bad people, only weak people, but weakness is not a sin/crime, it is precisely because of weakness that we can understand tenderness. Dazai always tried his best to create a happy atmosphere when he was in pain and tired. Dazai himself is a sad comedy. People thought he was extremely selfish, but in fact, he was always concerned about the feelings of others. Maybe he thought that as long as he brought kindness to his surroundings, he would be able to warm himself up too.
And perhaps indeed weakness is not a sin, I like to think that is the main message of No Longer Human, as seen with the epligoue which has the woman calling Yozo a good boy and an angel, despite the fact that the entire novel seemed to have Yozo carry with him immense "sins" and guilt, in fact the majority of novel is ironic in that Yozo only recognizes his cruelty yet not his capacity for love and his gentleness, unreliable narrators... With the novel being one of fiction rather than autobiographical (it is semi autobiographical not fully) one must be sure to then take both Yozo’s narration and the words of the woman in the epligoue as Dazai. Maybe because Dazai thinks the best way for us to better human problems is perhaps to realize these human natures, these weaknesses which Yozo had been able to see in others and in himself, because perhaps only that way will we be able to cherish things such as kindness, trust, understanding, and treat others with these qualities. A note should be put in place for some historical context of No Longer Human which also influenced how I understand the book. Because No Longer Human is in fact a post-war novel, written after the Second World War which Japan was defeated. I have read quite a bit in Chinese about how Dazai felt people felt no remorse or sin from the war, here it writes that “When Dazai returned to Tokyo after evacuation, he was unable to hold himself back when he saw intellectuals depart the same leftist movement and cooperate with policies differing from their wartime policies, jumping on the wave of postwar democracy without hesitation. They had showed no remorse or sense of sin in committing the shameful act of converting and conforming to national policy.” I should also note that Dazai, in the past had been involved in communist activities, and the book Dazai Osamu says that one of Dazai’s ideals was service, to people around him and his readers. And what I had quoted before “those who are sinful have deep affection” is from a post-war work.
But I personally have a softer spot for his middle period works though (Dazai was in fact healthiest, and produced the most works during this period despite it being during the war, and he wanted to console the hearts of people during this time;;), which treat these problems with an almost gentler touch. I think within these works you'll find a different Dazai Osamu than what you've read in No Longer Human. Dazai seems to love and cherish warm and beautiful things and is always searching for them. Honestly, to me Dazai's works aren't just depresssing, it illustrates the human struggle, it's paradoxes, that is within everyone, the yearning for beauty, goodness, but also the melchony of the struggle as one comes into conflict with human's darker side and life's struggles, in so many dark moments, I always feel there is still a flicker of light, even if it is however faint, that is what Dazai is to me. And that's what attracted me to reading more of Dazai's work in the first place. Anyways no more, I'm done talking. So, to end, let me leave you with one of the Dazai quotes I love:
「就算我不再了也不要沮喪，要相信我一定會成功，請輕鬆看待。我絕不會自甘墮落，一定會戰勝這個世界。」- 《正義與微笑》[43]
tr. “Even if I am no more, do not be depressed, believe that I will succeed, just wait and see. I will not willingly fall into deprivity I will succeed in this world.”
6. Citations:
[1] Dazai, Osamu. No Longer Human. Tr. Donald Keene.
[2] Dillon, Sara Ann. Dazai Osamu and the problematics of context in Japanese artistic consciousness. Stanford University ProQuest Dissertations Publishing, 1988. 8906653.
[3] Cox, Jamie Walden, "Dazai's Women: Dazai Osamu and his Female Narrators" (2012). Dissertations and Theses. Paper 132.
[4] Ueda Makoto, Modern Japanese Writers and the Nature of Literature.
[5] Ibid.
[6] Dazai Osamu. Otogizoshi: The Fairy Tale Book of Dazai Osamu, Tr. Ralph F. McCarthy.
[7] Cox, Jamie Walden, "Dazai's Women: Dazai Osamu and his Female Narrators" (2012). Dissertations and Theses. Paper 132.
[8] Watabe Yoshinori, “Osamu Dazai and the Beauty of his Literature”.
[9] Dazai, Osamu. No Longer Human. Tr. Donald Keene.
[10] Hijiya Yukihito (1974) A Religion of Humanity, Critique: Studies in Contemporary Fiction, 15:3, 34-42, DOI: 10.1080/00111619.1974.10690061
[11] Ibid.
[12] 蔡超, 「《人間失格》與太宰治的基督教思想」
[13] Watabe Yoshinori, “Osamu Dazai and the Beauty of his Literature”.
[14] Ibid.
[15] Ibid.
[16] 太宰治, 《思考的蘆葦》, tr. 劉子倩
[17] Watabe Yoshinori, “Osamu Dazai and the Beauty of his Literature”.
[18] Dazai, Osamu. No Longer Human. Tr. Donald Keene.
[19] Hijiya Yukihito (1974) A Religion of Humanity, Critique: Studies in Contemporary Fiction, 15:3, 34-42, DOI: 10.1080/00111619.1974.10690061
[20] Dazai, Osamu. No Longer Human. Tr. Donald Keene.
[21] 太宰治, 《正義與微笑》, tr. 高詹燦
[22] Dazai Osamu, Self Portraits, “Thinking of Zenzo”, tr. Ralph F. McCarthy. [via. BSD-Bibliophile].
[23] Ibid.
[24] Ibid.
[25] Dazai Osamu, Blue Bamboo, tr. Ralph F. McCarthy. [via. BSD-Bibliophile].
[26] Ibid.
[27] Ibid.
[28] Ibid.
[29] 周希瑜,戴松林, 論太宰治《清貧譚》與《竹青》中浪漫主義
[30] Dazai Osamu, Blue Bamboo, tr. Ralph F. McCarthy. [via. BSD-Bibliophile].
[31] Dazai, Osamu. No Longer Human. Tr. Donald Keene.
[32] Cohn, Joel R, Studies in the Comic Spirit in Modern Japanese Fiction, “Dazai Osamu: Laughing at the End”, Harvard University Asia Center, 1998
[33] Ibid.
[34] O'Brien, James A. "Conclusion." Dazai Osamu, Twayne Publishers, 1975, pp. 150-163. Twayne's World Authors Series 348. Gale Literature: Twayne's Author Series
[35] Ibid.
[36] 太宰治, 《思考的蘆葦》, tr. 劉子倩
[37] Dazai, Osamu. No Longer Human. Tr. Donald Keene.
[38] Hijiya Yukihito (1974) A Religion of Humanity, Critique: Studies in Contemporary Fiction, 15:3, 34-42, DOI: 10.1080/00111619.1974.10690061
[39] Dazai, Osamu. No Longer Human. Tr. Donald Keene.
[40] Ibid.
[41] Cohn, Joel R, Studies in the Comic Spirit in Modern Japanese Fiction, “Dazai Osamu: Laughing at the End”, Harvard University Asia Center, 1998
[42] Dazai, Osamu. No Longer Human. Tr. Donald Keene.
[43] 太宰治, 《小說燈籠：冷冽中的溫暖組曲，太宰治浪漫小說集》, tr. 陳系美
[44] 太宰治, 《正義與微笑》, tr. 高詹燦
A/N: I forgot to add a few citations, one is for the No Longer Human isn’t an I-novel thing: Japanese Language and Literature Vol. 53, No. 2 (October 2019), pp. 299
For those who are curious as to why it isn't one, the definition of an I-novel according to Wikipedia is "The I-novel (私小説, Shishōsetsu, Watakushi Shōsetsu) is a literary genre in Japanese literature used to describe a type of confessional literature where the events in the story correspond to events in the author's life." Though NLH does follow some of Dazai-sensei’s life experiences, from what I read it said the way is structured and the degree of which it manipulates Dazai's own life events makes it more fictional. This whole thing may perhaps be a scholarly debate honestly... (But Donald Keene, Ralph McCarthy and James O'Brien all seem to suggest the same thing as this source so... But if you think about if this is true, I am only in more deep admiration for Dazai's writing) But I'm personally more inclined to think that there is a creation of a almost distance between the author Dazai and the "Dazai" he shows in writing, though sometimes in some stories the main character are even referred as "Dazai" (like Thinking of Zenzo for example), but even so you can still feel Dazai through the pages, it comes across as him being personally involved in them and it makes them quite fun to read, I think it's truly fascinating but that is my unprofessional opinion. But if you think this is exasperating, yes perhaps it is indeed... In the book Dazai Osmau, the author even mentioned how certain critics are exasperated by Dazai’s coyness lol. If I have sparked curiosity about the subject, I have written more in depth about Dazai-sensei's narration here.
Canis Familiaris:
Dazai Osamu, Self Portraits, "Canis Familiaris", tr. Ralph McCarthy.
The Setting Sun:
Dazai Osamu, The Setting Sun, tr. Donald Keene.
Tag list: @REQUIEM626K @shadyteacup @ALITTLESIMP @greenshirtimaginesii @JADEGREENIMMORTALITY @SAKIKOSHI @KENMASBBYGRL @DAZAISUSEDBANDAGES @JESSBEINME15 @MIKASA-STAN-ACCOUNT @MISSROWN @GINSWIFE @TENDER-ROSIEY @SONDER-PARADISE @DARLINQSERENITY @WHOREFORDAZAI @SHAMELESSPASTAWOBBLERLAND @RIRK-KE @DAZAIAIKO @HANEMISO @SEBTOMM @IZUKUS-GF @LAVIDADELAVIE @SWRDEMON @ARIXSUX @BEAUTIFUL-IS-BORING @ATSUCAFE @SIGMAFIED @STORIES-FROM-SAINT-PETERSBURG @THEKAYLAHUB @XO-CUTEPLOSION-XO @SIMPLYASIMPSBLOG @KISARA-16REBLOGS @STRAYDOGSBUNGOU @TITAMAOW @KAUS-QUIETIS
Analysis only:
@ODDEYESIGHT
#kat rambles about dazai sensei#kat's analysis🔍#bungou stray dogs#bsd dazai#bsd#dazai osamu#bsd theories#bsd analysis#bungou stray dogs analysis#bsd meta
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okayokay im jumping on the bookworm!reader train
jesper x bookworm!reader hcs?
bookworm!reader dating headcanons
Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Requests
Pairing: Jesper Fahey x gn!Reader
A/N: Aight, here we go again! Another bookworm!Reader for y'all because apparently that's my brand now, but I am not complaining. I hope you enjoy this!
Genre: Fluff
Warnings: None
Jesper has a pretty neutral attitude towards books. He was Wylan’s best friend, after all, so he was no stranger to being in a room filled to the brim with books. But you? You were just a little bit different.
After you first moved into the Slat, your entire room was already completely taken over by the mountains of literature you owned during the first weeks of living there.
“Have you read all of these?”
“Not yet.”
“Why do you have them then? Aren’t they just useless clutter until then?”
“I mean, you’re also just sitting around my room, doing nothing. Do I have to throw you out too?”
He had to admit that he liked your cheeky remarks to match his own. You were very well-read and used that to your utmost advantage. Book quotes and random facts were sprinkled into every conversation you had with him, and it enthralled him more than he ever thought it would.
So to no one’s surprise, he asked you out by gifting you one of the books you had taken an interest in recently. He acted as if he didn’t notice the way your conversations drifted towards this exact book when you passed a bookshop, but he so did. And when he knocked on your door, holding up his gift for you and grinning sheepishly.
Jesper, being the restless man he was, didn’t necessarily enjoy being alone with his thoughts for a longer duration of time, so it felt like a win-win situation when he got into a relationship with a person that enjoyed reading out loud. Whenever he felt bored or especially frenzied, you would pick up your current read, and start reading out loud to him.
“Love, do you mind reading to me? I still have to clean my guns.”
“Of course, darling.”
Reading to him is also a must after a mission that went awry or whenever he got sick.
“Y/N… I have a headache! Can you please read to me?”
“Jes, shouldn’t you be resting a bit? I’d think that me reading to you wouldn’t help your headache.”
“Pleaseeee?”
You liked to find similarities in your favourite characters that could be applied to your friend group. Sometimes Jesper would also read with you, especially when it came to your favourite books since he wanted to understand all of your references.
It was also favourable that Wylan knew his way around managing books, so whenever Jesper had no clue what to get you, he always went to his favourite merchling to ask for help.
One of your favourite moments was when you gifted him an old storybook that his mother used to read to him. It had taken you all your literary knowledge to find that specific book based on the sparse description Colm had given you. But when you finally found it, you could barely conceal your excitement. Jesper was absolutely floored by your efforts and didn’t dare to put it away for the first few days.
Jesper, however, did occasionally do some things that annoyed you.
“Jesper Llewellyn Fahey, if you even dare to put a dog ear in one of my books you will not live to see the next morning.”
“Don’t put that book on the bedside table stack! That’s the stack of books I have already read. Put it on the closet stack. These are the ones I haven’t finished yet.”
#jesper fahey imagine#jesper fahey x reader#jesper fahey#shadow and bone#grishaverse fanfic#grishaverse#shadow and bone x reader#grishaverse x reader#grishaverse headcanons#netflix shadow and bone#six of crows#shadow and bone imagine#shadow and bone headcanon
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*lobs questions right back at your*
6 & 14 for the cursed/deranged fic writer Q&A pls!
6. What nasty/evil/maladjusted character traits do you enjoy exploring in your little meow-meows?
Looking back over my work, it seems like some of the bad/maladjusted character traits I focus most on are what can happen whenever a good trait is pushed too far. Confidence becoming arrogance, persistence becoming dogged stubbornness, devotion becoming obsession. My favorite one to explore, though, has gotta be pride, the dangerous kind of pride that blinds you to your own faults and can ultimately lead to your downfall. In Dragon Age, Pride Demons are the most powerful kind of demon iirc, and I think about that a lot.
14. What's your favourite way to emotionally destroy your favourite character?
My favorite literary genre is tragedy, and I think it shows sometimes, haha. One of my favorite things to do is make a character think, "It didn't have to end up this way," but all the while myself and my readers might be going, "It was always going to end up this way." I enjoy writing characters struggling to defy their fate when I know full well that they're going to fail, and their fight is ultimately futile. And I love it whenever the characters have to face that fact. Soul-crushing despair is like crack to me.
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I am asking this without malice: I don't know anything about her, what's so great about Przybyszewska?
Hi!
Well, if you don't know anything about her, I guess the best answer would be: the fact she wrote The Danton Case.
And this in itself should be self-explanatory, because this play is amazing in every aspect: multi-faceted, and complex, and ripe for analysis, which is many a person favourite pasttime (and might be yours too, since we're mutuals/mutuals in law).
But actually the answer is the above, with an addendum that The Danton Case is all these things because Przybyszewska herself was all of them. She is worth mentioning because while she went unnoticed for dozens of years, and is still a rather niche figure, through just few of her creative works alone she established a new look on some themes (revolutions, relationships on the father-daughter line, same-sex relationships, female independence, the genius of a creator) at least in Polish literature. She is a cog - somethimes: a forefront cog - in a machine of literary developement.
(Her biography is also quite unique, but I try to step down from seeing her through this lense, because it's been overused in the past, so I won't get into it. Because it's a popualr take on her, there are even texts in English you can read if you want.)
And just this afternoon I finished rereading a book on her I think to be the best book on her ever, so have this short excerpt, which I think illustrates my views on her very well as well, and might persuade you to give her works a go:
"The way in which Przybyszewska shows a revolution is meant to persuade the readers and the interpreters of her texts to repeating the construction of a model, to repeating her attempt at inhabiting an utopia. This repetition is an indispensable condition of undestanding her "revolutionary" texts. The one who does not grant a permission to do this, who will not admit onto themselves the same co-creating approach to the revolution (even just in the act of reading) - they will remain outside of this world and will not understand it in even the most basic of senses.
It is very distinctive, that when one reads Kroński, Bensacon or Staniszkis (researchers gifted with an extraordinary theoretical sense, builders of these abstracts models), one is under the impression that their relationship with theird readers is somewhat helpless. It is as if from one point onward they began pointing their fingers at a phenomenon, whose core they see and understand, whose logic hey live, but these news - which we know are rather bad - they are unable to convey in a discursive way. They can only point their fingers, send us back to it. As if at one point - in the description of the phenomenon itself, in the cration of the "metamodel" - hermeneutics ceased to exist, and mere demonstrating began. One needs to repeat their mental and emotional gestures even just so that one may understand the people who had lived in this reality. The subject who writes and explores, situating themselves inside the model which they want to describe, may sometime loose all external points of contact and let themselves be locked inside the space of this model. Esepcially when - like the author of The Danton Case - they hate the external reality and want to live someplace else. Then they begin to write according to the revolutionary order and live by it. It seems that it is what has happened to Stanisława Przybyszewska."
So as you may see, she a is a total writer, and in my opinion as far as genius artworks go, it doesn't get better than that. It's one of those things that make it possible, permissible and actually desireable to analyse both her, and her private letters, and her unfinished pieces of prose, and her prizeworks of dramas altogether as some big, artistic magnum opus (which it was) - while in the same time retainign the ability to nitpick at it, and analysing every line out of context, or ina foreign context, or as a philosophical thought dilemma. There aren't that many writers with whom you could honestly do that.
Thank you! I hope I have convinced you somewhat at least.
#please visit my blog sprawa-przybyszewskiej here on tumblr if you're curious about her works etc.#i'm actually reactivating it#ask#stanisława przybyszewska
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Facts About Fellow Writers Tag Game
Thanks so much @graysparrowao3 for tagging me! This was a lot of fun to think about!
Last book I read: So it's been a very long time since I've read a physical book because books are very expensive these days, but the last one I've read was a book from the Olympian series by George O'Conner. I can't remember which one specifically, but I believe it was Hera or Ares?? I got the majority of the collection when I was younger because I loved Greek Mythology! I still do, honestly!
Greatest literary inspiration: It was the Maximum Ride series! They had it in my school library in graphic novel form, and I instantly was enthralled! I wanted so badly to make stories after that, to the point where I wrote my own book. (I don't have it anymore, but that's probably good since it was very terribly written lmao)
Things in my current fandom I want to read but I don't want to write: I would love more things on the tiefling refugees! I want to see an exploration on their perspectives on everything for sure!
Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me: Bex and Danis! I love those two so much, it makes me so happy seeing them both. I want to write a one shot but I doubt anyone would read it, so it would probably be something for myself hahaha!
You can recognize my writing by: I have no idea! I don't think there's a lot of specific things in my writing style. I've only recently written depressing things so maybe that? That sounds so bad haha!
My most controversial take (current fandom): Personally, I think Act 3 feels a bit incomplete? I think there was more that could be done to tie things together more. Because of that reason Act 3 is my least favorite Act out of the other 2.
Current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut): A solid 7 I think! I recently got swamped with projects and work, but when I have the time I'm always writing something out on my phone! Whether a small scene, some poetry, or random snippets to put in future chapter! Recently there's been lots of random scenes for Rolan and my Tav, Pyxis. Though with other fics I've been lagging behind because I've been so busy.
Top three favourite tropes: As much there is plenty of tropes I dislike, there's also plenty I love! It was so hard to pick just three!
Hurt/Comfort: An all time classic for me! I'm a sucker for hurt comfort always, it's usually what I filter first when getting into a new fandom! When my Rolan brainrot started, this tag is where I went first so I could see him get a hug.
Sharing a Bed: When done well, this trope can be pretty funny and/or sweet! It doesn't even have to lead into sex, my favorite is when the characters lay there and let themselves be vulnerable, possibly open up! There's so much you can do with this trope to make it unique!
Mutual Pining: I've always been into pining tropes! There's so many creative ways to write it, and I also love writing it myself! The tension, the misunderstandings, the slowburn, all of it! Exploring
Share a random frustration: I can have the most beautiful sentence in my head, yet when I try to put it down in writing, it never comes out the way I want it! It's incredibly annoying and makes me feel like I'm a bad writer sometimes.
No pressure tags: @el-tur-el @underdark-dreams
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happy midnights release mal!!! in sibling order I think that maroon is a peter pevensie song, lavender haze is a susan pevensie song, anti-hero and would've should've could've are edmund pevensie songs, and you're on your own kid is a lucy pevensie song
Thank you for sending this ask!!! The #narniataylor agenda is one of my favourite things to talk about, and I love that you wanted to talk about Midnights and Narnia with me. I'm saying all this because I'm about to disagree with you a bit but I really don't wanna upset you or make you think this is anything more than a friendly discussion. I would actually love if you responded to this with your deeper thoughts behind your song to character assigning. 💜💜💜
I don't really think Anti Hero is an Edmund song, simply because he isn't an anti hero, by the actual literary term. Like with all character labels like these, there's some debate as to what exactly defines an anti hero, I for one do think that if the character has a redemption arc they're not an anti hero, which is why I'd exclude characters like Prince Zuko from that list, but I am aware that this isn't an official criteria. The Wikipedia article states that the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as a main character who lacks heroic qualities like idealism, courage and morality. Edmund possesses all these traits. He's not an anti hero because his mistakes, the things he needs to redeem, aren't really caused by an inherent character flaw of his. Edmund's problem is his coping mechanism. He's a child living in war who misses his father and feels left out by the rest of his family, which is what causes him to be so mean. He's just wants to be seen (x). And the movie even makes a point of how these same circumstances are making Peter and Susan act out too. They're all just children trying to deal with things the best they can but they end up hurting each other in the process, and in the end all of them get redemption from this simply by mending their relationships. As for the Jadis thing, that mistake doesn't really put Edmund in the anti hero category because he doesn't really know what he's doing. Edmund just wants to become an ice prince (and who wouldn't?), he doesn't know that he's joining a war on the side of a tyrant, and as soon as he realises that he wants out. He immediately regrets it, because he is a good person and death and destruction, especially of his loved ones, isn't what he wants. And if we move away a bit from the literary term anti hero, and just towards the song lyrics, "I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror" doesn't fit Edmund at all because the second he identifies his mistakes he does all he can to correct them. Edmund does nothing but stare in the mirror. Even just his self loathing speaks to this. He's so aware of himself! The only line I really see fitting him is the "Too big to hang out" part, because it speaks pretty well to how he feels left out in the beginning. Despite all this, though, I do think that this could be an Edmund song if you look at this from his perspective. I can imagine Edmund listening to Midnights and identifying with Anti Hero, because of his previously mentioned self loathing.
I've said before that I love comparing songs about abusive relationships with Jadis and Edmund and Would've Could've Should've really is the perfect example of that. I'll probably definitely gif it sometime. The lyric "But, Lord, you made me feel important" stands out to me a lot as very them, as that is exactly how Jadis manages to manipulate Edmund. Also "And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts Memories feel like weapons" because of how she keeps haunting him. I also like this as a Lucy and Aslan song, simply because I am very passionate about the fact that Aslan is to Lucy what Jadis is to Edmund. I don't think it fits as well, but I REALLY like the line "Give me back my girlhood it was mine first" in this context (but I also think it fits all the Pevensies relationship with Aslan).
Regarding Maroon, I don't really see it as a Peter specific song, I just think that the lyrics "And I wake with your memory over me That's a real fucking legacy to leave" is ALL the Pevensies with Aslan like It really fucking nails that. I do also see this as a song Peter would like listening to. Like I think it would be his favourite Midnights track.
The song that stands out to me as distinctly Peter is actually Labyrinth. I mean "You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back Just like that" is SOOO Peter in Prince Caspian (I'm talking movies here obviously because they're better). The whole thing is veeeery aftermath of getting tossed out of Narnia but it feels especially Peter to me since he's the only one stuck in the hurt of it all "It only hurts this much right now Was what I was thinking the whole time Breathe in, breathe through Breathe deep, breathe out I'll be getting over you my whole life". Susan is insisting that they accept that they live in London now and that they should adapt, Lucy keeps her faith and is convinced they will return and that everything will turn out fine, and Edmund is just there as a silent support for Peter, not really speaking about it much. Peter is the one who's lost in the labyrinth of his mind and who's constantly breaking up, breaking free, breaking through, breaking down. And the "I thought the plane was going down How'd you turn it right around" part works with how with the support from his siblings, especially Lucy's, Peter manages to turn the situation around, take back Narnia and feel better about leaving. I think the "Oh no, I'm falling in love again" part can be interpreted two different ways. Firstly, that Peter is falling in love with Narnia all over again when he returns but knowing he has to leave again. Secondly, if you're on that Caspeter agenda like I am, it could be him falling in love with Caspian and not knowing how to handle it so he pushes him away and argues with him. Generally, I just really love this as a Peter song.
With You're On Your Own, Kid, it's the song I personally identify with the most, and since Edmund is my personal projection pillow, I'm inclined to assign it to him, but I see where you're coming from with Lucy. I don't think it's perfect for her, but it does kinda go with the same theme as this Lucy gifset I made. Just... what the movie!VDT arc should've been. I think it applies somewhat to both Edmund and Lucy with the "They're the oldest and we're the youngest... we don't matter as much" angle.
At first I didn't really see what you meant with Lavender Haze being a Susan song, but I reread the lyrics and now I totally agree! I like that a lot actually. I think it covers her arc in LWW pretty well. I sent an ask all about Susan to @clarasamelia a while ago where I partly got into my view on that arc. She hasn't answered it yet and I'm too tired to reexplain it now but I can send it to you when she does if you want. Short version is it's Susan abandoning her quest to be "adult" about things and getting swept into Narnian culture and thinking. In this context, the "lavender haze" being the Golden Age.
I also wanna add that I think The Great War works really well as a Pevensie sibling song. It’s about what I alluded to earlier, WWII tearing the family apart and Narnia giving them the chance to grow and mend their relationship. I think it fits Peter and Edmund the best (x), but it really works for all of them.
#btw jo i didn't tag you to pressure you into answering the ask i just wanted you to see this and get what i was talking about#em tag#narniataylor agenda#narnia#meta#narnia meta#edmund meta#peter pevensie meta#lucy meta#susan meta#mal answers
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tagged by @iamdexter123. Thanks!
Rules: A challenge to give your Top 10 favourite characters, based on their ESSENCE. They have to be favourite characters that also have a deeper literary value, where you enjoy their specific role in the story, and this means that the list also should exclude characters that would normally count as favourites if for purely nostalgic reasons. They can be from film, tv, or written media, anything
Oh gods. Um. This is going to be Hard isn't it.
James Flint, Black Sails
I have loved and will continue to love James "Flint" McGraw both for his place in the story and just in general. His was the story that took me by the shoulders, shook me briskly and whispered "it doesn't have to be like this, the world doesn't have to be this cruel but it is and aren't you tired of it? Aren't you tired of pretending that the status quo is ok? Aren't you ready to make it change?" And he was the main voice for that sentiment that shook me down to my bones.
Farah Dowling, Fate Winx Saga
Farah is a character who has done horrible things. She's been the unthinking protegé of a monster and still came back from the edge. She's someone who took all the pain she experienced and has decided to be kind, even if she struggles with that sometimes, and I love her for it. And she's not motherly, she's more of a wine aunt, but she still cares so deeply about people and that's refreshing too. And of course I love it when I get a female character who is allowed to be complex and also in charge.
Saul Silva, Fate Winx Saga
I love Saul for being arguably the most responsible adult in the room at all times and also so deeply, deeply defined by tragedy that I don't think he knows who to be without the guilt he's carrying around with him (I'd love to find out, though). He's got a life that's been deeply shitty in so many ways but he keeps trying to do the right thing, and then there's the way that despite everyone else around him caving and doing things that are questionable or just outright wrong, he's the one with the moral center and the conviction to say "no, I'm not doing this and I wish you wouldn't either" even in the face of danger. Oh - and he's a damsel in distress, which I don't get to see in male characters much.
Daud, Dishonored
*looks at Daud* *looks at Saul* uhhhh, I appear to have a thing about guilt-ridden men who also adopt every kid in sight and who end up getting forgiven by the people they hurt. I just think they're neat, ok?
Charles Vane, Black Sails
Look. This character has - oh, so many flaws. He's a piece of shit in so many ways, but he's also got some of the rawest lines in this entire damn show, the ones that I'd willingly get tattooed on me so I don't forget them. If you ever need to know what radicalized me, it was probably this guy and everything he said and did from 2x10 on.
Tiago Rodriguez/Raoul Silva, James Bond
I'm sorry, was I not supposed to like the most stylish villain in a Bond film since...idk, I think the last one with this much personality was probably Elektra King. The brat energy. The little bit of crazy underneath it. The fact that the man had a really valid point and actually succeeded because he set achievable goals. The way he's... not quite sexually aggressive with Bond but also definitely wants to get railed. Fascinating.
Simon Torquill, October Daye
Simon. My darling, best idiot who needs to have someone wrap him in a blanket for about a century and make him as much honey-sweetened tea as he can stand and above all else not allow him to make major decisions until he's had a chance to process the clusterfuck that is his life up til now. I love him, your honor. I love that I get a male character who's allowed to be his own worst enemy but also the kindest, most caring father anyone could ask for when he's not flinging around transformation spells and shooting people with elfshot while being puppeteered by a megalomaniac. And of course I love an actual redemption arc that for once doesn't end in death. Right, Seanan? RIGHT? (jk, I trust her. Mostly).
Rosalind Hale, Fate Winx Saga
Ok, so. I both hate Rosalind and love her as a character. It's a complicated thing, but I think what I really love about her as a character is that she's a female villain who is creepy as fuck and I wish that the writers had not immediately turned her into... whatever the fuck they were going for in s2. I was much more fond of s1 Rosalind who was an absolute monster who broke the adults in the series so badly and so completely that they're still a pack of emotional wrecks twenty years on. I wanted her to stay that monster instead of being written as a butch lesbian who's just very done with everyone's shit and occasionally given to a bit of torture. I wanted a better look at what she did to Farah, and to Ben Harvey, and for someone to spell out in great detail that she took Andreas and broke him down to be her attack dog from the time he was sixteen.
Basically I love the potential of the character but if she turned up in front of me I would be compelled to stab her quickly.
Javik, Mass Effect
There's something about Javik that I keep coming back to and I think it's the sheer weight of what he represents. One individual out of trillions still alive. Shepard's mirror image, but his mission went to hell and his people all died and now he's awake again and it has to feel like a kind of torture. And yet, for all that, Javik's character arc is about hope. It's about picking yourself up, or rather being picked up, and figuring out how to live again. If you do everything right, Javik gets to see the end of the Reapers and the end of the carnage. He gets to live, and grow, and maybe finally put down his gun and write a book or something, and that's important. We all need a character to remind us that as long as you're alive, there's hope.
Nomi, James Bond
I love her, your honor. If there's one thing the last film got right, it was having three women of color, none of whom had the slightest inclination to fuck Bond, and of the three of them, Nomi is my favorite. I love that she's the new 007. I love that she's there to drag Bond's ass and warn him off her assignment. I love her "Double-0 what?" and I love her "I'll shoot you in the knee. The one that works." I love that she gets to murder racists, and I love that she's got fully as much style as any other 007.
Honorable mentions who didn't make the narrative weight cut or who I just ran out of room for:
Garrus Vakarian, Mass Effect
Mordin Solus, Mass Effect
Anders, Dragon Age
Thomas Barrow, Downton Abbey
Miranda, Black Sails
Madi, Black Sails
Max, Black Sails
Alec Trevelyan, James Bond
Moneypenny (Samantha Bond and Naomi Harris), James Bond
Andreas of Eraklyon, Fate Winx Saga
Tagging anyone who wants to do this, as well as @skloomdumpster, @septemberrie, @djino04, and @penflicks
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Ask game 17 and 19?
17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?
Yes! Quite a few actually. I am going to order it from biggest surprise to not as big of a surprise. I will link my reviews for each book in the titles (if I wrote one).
1 - I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jenette McCurdy
I still don't know what possessed me to pick up a non fiction book and a memoir at that! It was probably the hype and the fact that I watched some iCarly episodes and I've heard that the book included information about eating disorders, parental abuse and toxicity of the child actors' industry. It's not an easy book to read, but it was extremelly good and very engaging. If there is one book that deserves all the hype is this one. It also included stuff about mormonism which I was not expecting. This book made me want to try more memoirs next year.
I used to think memoirs were all about people pretending to be better than they are, but this one was so honest and the author didn't hid her flaws, which I am very impressed by.
2 - Book Lovers by Emily Henry
Just like memoirs, it is a rarity for me to pick up a romance. Especially a contemporary romance. I am not going to say this converted me into a romance reader. In fact, the fact romance readers say this feels more like literary fiction than a romance makes me think that romance is definitely not for me. Still, this book was really fun and ocasionally emotional. If I ever feel in the mood to read a contemporary romance I will go to this author or Alexis Hall because he also wrote a book in the genre that I didn't hate. I gave this book 5 stars because given the genre it is very impressive that I liked it. What make me like it is precisely what I hear people complaining about: not focusing solely on the relationship and having family and work problems to deal with.
3 - The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo
Not only is this contemporary book, but it's also about an high schooler and told in poetry. If you know me you know I don't read these kind of books, but this one was so good! I listened to the audiobook narrated by the author and I loved it so much that I also listened to Clap When You Land and With the Fire on High. They are all similar but really good. The author puts such emotion on her work that it made me tear up. The Poet X is still my favourite but it's probably in part because it was my introduction to her work. She has a new book coming out next year and this time it will be adult instead of YA so I am very curious about it.
4 - Black Water Sister by Zen Cho
This was so much fun! It made me so nostalgic about the time I was obsessed with the anime Shaman King. Apparently, the only way to make like urban fantasy is if there are ghosts and possession involved. The themes of feeling like an outsider in their parents' country were also great and the main character is a closeted lesbian in a long distance relationship which was very refreshing to see. The book felt very modern, but in a somewhat subtle way when it comes to conveying the messages. I tried other 2 works by the author, but they were really short and just ok. This one made me curious about her other longer works even though I heard it's quite different.
5 - The Chronicles of Prydain by Loyd Alexander
I haven't read an entire series in such a short time since Realm of the Elderlings. It's true that these books are really short and that there are only 5 (and the short story collection I haven't read yet), but it's still impressive that I did it in only a few months. I knew I would probably enjoy these books, but I wasn't ready for how cozy the writing style and atmosphere made me feel. I especially liked The Castle of Llyr and Taran Wanderer (which he wrote after the last book in the series even though it is the 4th!!!). It makes me want to try the Alanna books by Tamora Pierce because sometimes I need a cozy short middle grade/YA fantasy book. This series made me feel nostalgic even though I had never read it before. It had some similarities with Lord of the Rings and a lot of usual fantasy tropes but it still managed to be very endearing. This is another tale about magic leaving the world, which I seem to be a fan of given my favourites.
19. Did you use your library?
No. My library has had very few updates since the 90s. I do plan to use it soon to reread Chocolate by Joanne Harris and read the sequel to that because I can't find them anywhere anymore in portuguese, but I did buy the 4th book anyway. I will need to find the 3rd one somewhere and probably I will end up reading it in english, but c'est la vie. I mostly use my library for old books since it has very few new releases and the ones it has it's for extremelly popular authors I am not interested in.
Thank you so much for the ask ❤
#i'm glad my mom died#black water sister#the poet x#the chronicles of prydain#book lovers#book asks#I am writing on the phone so I take longer to answer these
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Blog 07: The Music in Nature & The Nature in Music
Hi everyone! Welcome back to my weekly blog for ENVS*3000, and this week’s blog will be focusing on the presence of music in nature, and vice versa. Before I begin sharing my views, it is important to truly understand what music exactly is. Music is defined as “vocal, instrumental, or mechanical sounds having rhythm, melody, or harmony” (Merriam-Webster, n.d.). My interpretation of this definition is that music is not just limited to songs or albums, but it is in fact present everywhere, even if we do not immediately notice it.
When I had initially read this week’s prompt, I had recalled my past experiences of when I was present in nature and truly happened to observe, as well as appreciate, its “music”. I believe that music is present all throughout nature and that music in nature is a reflection of how our environments and ecosystems work together to remain harmonious and keep balance constantly restored. In terms of music in nature, we all may share differing perspectives on what music is. However, a key example that comes to mind for me, and I am sure for many of you as well, is the birds chirping at early dawn, since they are beautiful sounds that sound so melodic to the human ear, even though it is just a form of communication between birds. An essay published by Gray et al. discussed a rather interesting point about this which stated that our appreciation of bird sounds is due to the fact that sometimes the pitch is similar to the music we listen to (Gray, Krause, Atema, et al., 2001). This makes sense because I think that many of us would appreciate sounds in nature that are similar to our music preferences! The chirp of the birds is often an association that warmer weather is near and it also acts as a window to my childhood when I would often spend time outdoors with my cousins which serves as a fond memory when I look back, even though it sounds so melodic to the human ear, it is simply a form of communication for birds.
Here is one of my favourite sounds from the Mourning Dove which takes me back to my childhood! I hope you enjoy it!
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To answer the second prompt for this week’s blog post, I think that our personal views surrounding what is nature in music can shape how we identify it! I think that music has the power to reach many different individuals and convey a message or make people feel things on a deeper level. Although nowadays we have access to many different streaming platforms for music (e.g. Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora), I think for many of us our first experiences with music was through the radio, CDs, or even cassettes, and I found that “Radio’s greatest advantages come from its potential to reach many people, its high local interest, and its inherent flexibility in targeting specific audiences.” (Beck et al., 2018, Chapter 8: Interpreting to the Masses, pp. 175). In terms of nature in music, I think that this would include the use of certain sounds that can be found in nature, as well as through the use of literary devices to set the stage so the listener is able to use their imagination.
For a fun add on, a song that takes me back to a natural landscape is a song from Taylor Swift’s album folklore called “the lakes”. This bonus track includes imagery to further support the themes within the song. Lyrics that represent nature within the song are “I want auroras and sad prose / I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet” (Genius, 2020) and “A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground” (Genius, 2020) which adds an additional layer of depth to the woeful music and lyrics. An analysis of the track stated that “The lyrics allude to the necessity to disconnect from daily life and seek refuge in nature in order to recharge and rediscover one's way forward.” (Bushra, 2023, pp. 2) and this is how we often view nature since it acts as an escape from our daily rigamarole.
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I hope I was able to provide insight as to my views surrounding the associations between nature and music. I think that these simple observations can make life all the more enjoyable.
References
Beck, L., Cable, T.T., & Knudson, D.M. (2018). Interpreting cultural and natural heritage: For A Better World. Sagamore Publishing. Chapter 8: Interpreting to the Masses
Bushra, F.T. (2023). Deciphering Taylor Swift's Sentiments- Analyzing The Lakes and This is Me Trying through Discourse Analysis. BRAC University, 2. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/375061805_Deciphering_Taylor_Swift's_Sentiments-_Analyzing_The_Lakes_and_This_is_Me_Trying_through_Discourse_Analysis
Genius. (2020). the lakes. Retrieved March 2, 2024, from https://genius.com/Taylor-swift-the-lakes-lyrics
Gray, P.M., Krause, B., Atema, J., et al. (2001). The Music of Nature and the Nature of Music. Science, 291(5501), 52–54. https://link-gale-com.subzero.lib.uoguelph.ca/apps/doc/A69270354/AONE?u=guel77241&sid=bookmark-AONE&xid=fb9366a8
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Music. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved March 2, 2024, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/music
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house of niccolò reread rambling thoughts: spring of the ram edition (part 1)
finally! i'm 45% into this reread and i feel like i have more than enough stuff to talk about.
i've mentioned before that this second book in the series is definitely my least favourite, but there are still many things to discuss and details to analyze because, after all, this is still dunnett
the book begins with an overture narrated by the greek in first person, which is pretty fun and unique. i don't remember any other book in the dunnetverse starting this way.
My name is in fact Nicholai Giorgio de’ Acciajuoli. I have a wooden leg. Niccolò broke it at our first meeting. He is making amends.
the greek functions kinda like the dame de doubtance in lymond, but i actually like the guy (the dame is my enemy, i can't stand her). here he talks about the title of the book, and the mission that awaits nicholas.
honestly, i've forgotten a lot about the greek's role in the story, but it's weird to me that he's talking about nicholas defeating him, because afaik their relationship is never really antagonistic... i'll have to pay more attention to him in later novels.
He may prove to be less exceptional than I think him to be. He may be more than I think him, and defeat me. But no. That is impossible.
also this little prologue reminds me of the epilogue for gemini, narrated by another astrologer.
this is one of my favourite parts of nicholas's characterization, especially early on. it's part of his lack of identity, too. imitating other people is something he does for fun, but also to use whenever he needs to. it's very fascinating, and the fact that it's pointed out that it's he means no harm is very endearing to me.
Sometimes, sitting designing something in his own room, Niccolò would let his mouth and cheeks and jaw fall into the semblance of Julius and Tobie and Captain Astorre or Godscalc and the lawyer Gregorio. Under his breath, he would recall, for his own entertainment, their favourite phrases and attitudes; the alarmed cadences of their voices. He liked them all: he meant no harm by it.
“He will not be dismissed,” Nicholas said, without imitating anybody.
the fact that nicholas using his own voice and cadence is worthy of mention says a lot!
i love this scene and scenes like this because dorothy is so good at writing characters quarreling. it's so fun, entertaining, and even you can learn a lot about the characters by how they behave in this type of situations.
Julius felt himself flushing, but drew in breath, hard, through his nostrils. He said, “I’m going to ruin the company, am I not? So is Nicholas, but we always said we could control him. Or if we couldn’t, we’d leave. I think he’s more in control than I want him to be. I think I’m getting out.”
and i love how complex nicholas's dynamic is with his... crew? his gang? it's hard to find a name for them because they're not truly his, at least not yet. as julius says they're the watcheds, there to control nicholas. they don't trust him, because of his secret plans. they don't really respect him, because he was just an apprentice a few months ago. but they can acknowledge his cunning and intelligence. they're curious about him (tobie and godscalc), or follow his lead for adventure and treasure (julius).
listen. this dynamic makes me crazy. why did dorothy write it like that (deeply homoerotic). why are they constantly noticing each other, and even missing each other. why is tobie always the one who points out julius's lack of interest in women. what goes on. deep literary analysis: they should've fucked nasty.
there's not really much loyalty in here, except from umar (loppe). we don't see much from him or his friendship with nicholas in this book, but it's enough to see that he does care about nicholas. they also seem to share a pretty deep connection, and even know what the other's going to do/say, which i love.
“Julius,” Tobie said. It was his sweetest voice.
not much to say about this quote except that i love this description and dimpled, mischievous nicholas is my favourite.
Nicholas, on the other hand, was dimpled in the private, conspiratorial manner of a hot pool on the verge of explosion.
okay, this is all i have to say for now. actually it isn't, because there's a big part of this book i haven't even mentioned here, and it's catherine's storyline. i definitely have things to say about it, and about how it affects nicholas, but i feel like it needs its own separate post and probably i should finish rereading before i attempt to say anything coherent about it.
so i'll be back with the final part and with the other post once i finish! maybe! who knows!!
#dorothy dunnett#house of niccolo#spring of the ram#hon rr#i always think i only want to mention a couple of things and then bam. long ass post
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1, 7, 8, 17, and one other question of ur choice 😘
omg so many! thank u darling
1. Which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely? well you see. I’m working on this novel. and years ago when the idea first came to me in its absolute most bare-bones form, it was in the shape of a homestuck fic that I called Boomslang. I deleted it from AO3 so I could rewrite it, and now I’m something like 17k deep into draft 0.5 and it’s going great. (it doesn’t have very much in common with the original, though.)
7. Your favourite ao3 tag. idk if I have a favourite, I’m not good at picking favourites. I really like the hilariously specific canonical tags though, like the fact that there are tags for inappropriate uses of basically every power system ever, and tags for specific characters being or doing specific things (like “[X] Swears A Lot” and stuff like that).
8. How slow is a slow burn? ahh unfortunately I did just answer this one so instead of repeating myself I’m going to deflect this onto the next question in the list (hope that’s cool):
9. Thoughts on cliffhangers. very good at what they do! easy to overuse, but what isn’t? they make me very nervous as a writer tho. mostly because I don’t trust myself to finish things 😅
17. Past or present tense? Why? I use both! not usually in the same fic tho, not once it’s finished anyway. my first drafts, I write in present tense, bc my first drafts describe the fic’s contents instead of actually writing it out, so that’s a habit from my literary studies. the second draft is sometimes changed to past tense, sometimes not. I mostly go based on vibes. when I was writing With Every Wall Ablaze Around Us, I was writing my notes in present and originally planned to write the fic in past tense, but the poetry I’d written in my notes didn’t work in past, so I went through the whole unfinished fic and changed it to present tense. that was in august I think? or maybe july; either way, pretty early on in the process. (and that one particularly killer line I’d written while the fic was in past tense has niggled at me ever since.)
and, dealer’s choice: 18. First, second, or third person? I’ll read & write in pretty much anything! first person is my least favourite, and for some reason it turns me right off in fanfic (might be ok in fics with first-person source material tho? not sure, haven’t tested). third person is a solid choice, easy to handle, with plenty of flexibility and a polite amount of distance. but second person... ohhh. second person my beloved. I would kiss second person perspective on the mouth. all the intimacy and room for deliberate omissions of first person, but without the tag-along feel of being told someone else’s story, that last layer of distance falls away. second person grabs you by the shirt and pulls you in close and says that’s right, I said you. I’ve been a first- and third-person main for many years, and third is still my go-to for so many things, but second person POV is my favourite.
thank you for the asking! this was fun ^_^
and here is the ask meme if anyone else wants to ask me anything! I love answering things!
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1571
Do you remember the last time you felt disappointed, even if it was just a little?
Yeah just earlier, lol. I don’t usually feel disappointed these days, thankfully, but today was a different ride.
What was the cause?
I was a one-man team for the entire day, manning a 13-hour shoot all by myself because my direct superior has been on leave for the entire week and my associate is still too new and getting used to the job; and the latter kept bombarding me all afternoon with tiny mistakes that she has been doing and waited til the last possible moment to tell me. Between having to be by myself and on my feet all day and being the direct recipient of problems I didn’t cause and yet had to help fix, my patience was really all maxed out today.
What did you do last Saturday evening?
If I remember correctly, I was just at a Starbucks killing some me time.
Do you/have you ever known anyone named Walter? Tell me a little about them.
Yes, I have a media contact named Walter. Idk much about him other than the fact that he lives several cities away, so PR deliveries to him always cost like a bitch.
You must have seen some films with Robin Williams in them, right?
Just a couple.
^So which one is your favourite?
Good Will Hunting happens to be one of my all-time favorite films; I have such a soft spot for it, and “It’s not your fault” has always stayed with me.
In your house, which one usually runs out first - shampoo or conditioner?
Conditioner because my hair is I think pretty much permanently damaged at this point and I always have to use up a massive glob of conditioner every time I take a shower.
Do any of your electronic devices need to be charged at the moment?
They’re already plugged in at the moment.
Are there any TV shows/series that you've been really into watching lately?
Not really.
^Tell me a little bit about them.
...I’m terrible at getting attached to any series. Requires too much attention and commitment lol.
^And tell me a little about your favourite character(s).
--
When you go to bed, do you wear pyjamas or a nightie? Or something else?
Usually just a really thin shirt and shorts, which is the comfiest pair for me.
Is there anyone like an actor or singer, whose voice you find sexy?
Yeah, Taehyung’s voice is not of this world.
Have you read many of the books that are considered literary classics?
Not many, but I’ve read a handful, yeah. Only for school, though; the genre is not really my type.
^If so, do you have a favourite?
Idk if it counts as a classic locally, but the school-related book I enjoyed the most was Without Seeing the Dawn. Never dreaded English class with that one.
Do you enjoy any sweet fillings on sandwiches? Which one(s)?
Just Nutella, otherwise I don’t like my sandwiches and most breads sweet.
Tell me something positive about the town or city that you live in.
I like that it’s very urbanized without actually being in the metro, so we get all the ~amenities and trendy places and restaurants without the traffic and without the bitchy parking situations.
Can you name a book on your shelf that you've read multiple times?
LOL Twilight.
^Is that one of your favourites?
I wouldn’t say it’s a favorite in a literary sense; but I do have a soft spot for it just because I’m a fan of the saga in general.
Do you enjoy Tim Burton films? Which one is your favourite?
No, I’m not into the style.
Do you ever laugh at yourself for doing clumsy or silly things?
Sure, sometimes.
^When was the last time you felt the need to do that?
Last night when of all the times I could fall asleep early, I had to do so on the night it was announced that Namjoon was gonna come out with Indigo LOL. What makes it even funnier was that I fell asleep at 9 PM, woke up for a split sec at like 10:56 PM (4 minutes before midnight KST), and was SO sure nothing was gonna come out and confidently went back to sleep...long story I woke up at like 11:45 PM with my phone already bombarded with notifications. Big oopsie, but anyway I spent the next half hour or so laughing at myself and my sister having the biggest field day about me missing out on the fun.
Has anyone you know taken up a new hobby recently? What is it?
Would it count if the person was me? Hahaha since I’ve been going back up the rooftop recently, I’ve taken an interest in tracking the stars and planets, and even trying to capture photos of the latter through my phone.
How many people do you know whose name begins with the letter Z?
I don’t think I know any Z’s actually.
Were you woken up by any particular sound today? What was it?
My alarm. Had to wake up at 5:45 AM today since I had an 8 AM calltime for a video shoot.
Did you ever learn a language when you were in school? Which one?
No, was never required of me. I have taken language lessons outside of school, though.
Did you play truth or dare much, when you were younger?
Not really.
^What was one of the silliest or weirdest things you were dared to do?
Was never a big player of it.
Do any of your friends or relatives have a birthday coming up?
It’s my grandma’s birthday on December 7th.
If so, how old will they be?
She will be 76.
Have you ever had a dream in which you met or talked to someone like a celebrity, or a fictional character? What happened?
Yeah, there’s been a lot but I don’t actually recall any of them.
Is there an item that you received as a gift, but have never yet used?
I don’t think so. I try to use and maximize all the gifts I receive.
What were you doing 3 hours ago?
I was at a coffee shop playing In the Seom, haha. My way of relaxing after such a tiring day.
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